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#tears for fears are so good ive listened to their music so much that i forget they're actually good
hella1975 · 4 months
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girl who got hit with one of those super well-known overplayed songs that lost their punch over time until you listen to it one day and they just fucking bulldoze you
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sunarc · 9 months
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HQ boys as Love Songs
a/n: Uhhhhhh hi so I made this and I wanted to include some of my favorite artist. I thought why not do one of theses with artist other than most of ones ive seen. If you haven’t heard some of these songs and artist nows a chance to enjoy some new music. Please enjoy the music links I’ve made for you and let me know if you want more
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Bokuto Yebba’s Heartbreak by Drake/Yebba
“And all the times you wasn't chosen, well, I'll make it up to you
All of the feelings you're not showing
When your river's overflowing, mmm”
Bokuto falls in love with you the moment he meets you. He knows people talk about how love at first sight isn’t real but all he can think about when he sees you is how he wants to have you in his life forever.Bokuto knows you can handle things on your own but he wants to shelter you through any storm that comes. You have his heart and if there's ever a time when you feel overwhelmed or that everything is just too much Bokuto will always be there to wipe away every tear that may drop. He loves you too deeply to ever watch you fall. 
Kita Picture Perfect by Jhene Aiko
“Too perfect of a thing
Too a perfect, you're a dream
Too good to touch
Too good, too much
Much too perfect to be reality”
Loving you feels like a dream, it’s so calm and blissful and Kita can’t help but to catch himself randomly smiling at the thought of you. You have him under a spell. He finds himself daydreaming of you any moment he gets. Getting to see your smile makes Kita’s heart skip a beat. In any reality or dimension Kita knows he’d fall in love with you each and every time. The words fall past his lips so easily. He’s like a kid who has found an endless supply of candy. He feels himself blushing and getting shy at the mere thought of you. You are the soft melodic feeling that Kita has been waiting for and he never wants to lose the feeling
Suna Frozen by Sabrina Claudio
“Cover the window and come uncover me
Let's forget the world even exists
Cause nothing compares to this”
Suna feels like his heart might jump out of his chest. He’s never felt like this over someone. The way your skin feels against his and the way your breathing has calmed he can tell you are asleep. He refuses to move for the fear that he may disturb you. You look so beautiful like this. The world seems to fade away and all that's left is you. There’s your tank top that keeps falling off your shoulder. There’s the blanket that covers the two of you. There you snoring ever so softly but it's the cutest thing Suna has ever seen. And there’s him. There’s Suna laying with you holding your head against his chest and wondering what he did to deserve you. Suna isn’t sure and he’s not sure if he’ll ever know. All he can think right now is how he never wants this moment to end.
Ushijima Everything by Kehlani
“Love the way you teach me
Love the way you listen
You know all my details
You so damn attentive”
Ushijima feels so shy around you. His tall and strict demeanor crumbles whenever you’re around. You know so much about him and he is the same. He can’t help but pay such close attention to you. From your favorite color to your favorite book he knows all of it. He likes to keep track of all these things so that he can gift you with your favorite things to show you his love. He’s not great with his words but he is a giver. He’s so good at listening to you. He pays attention and is thoughtful. He’s a man of very little words but his actions speak a thousand words within themself.
Sakusa Find someone like you by Snoh  Aalegra
“Nothing's ever perfect but you're perfect to me (uh huh)
And fuck bein' asleep, you're a dream, I need you
Though we got a past, I want you, yeah
And even when it's bad, I love you”      
Sakusa knows he can be a bit difficult to be with. He knows he’s a lot to handle yet somehow you love him through it all. He’s never loved someone so deeply. With  you everything feels different. He feel like he’s floating on cloud nine with you around. You’re so sweet and gentle with him and Sakusa can imagine living in a world without you. You’re so perfect to him. He has spent his entire life desiring the feeling of needing something and he’s finally found that in you. Sakusa needs you more than anything in this world. He feels so at peace around you. He can’t believe he’s found someone like you. He can only dream that you feel the same way as him.
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Glimpse of Us
pairing: charles leclerc x reader
summary: im not good with summarys so ill not do one. read the a/n to understand the story better.
warnings:angst and not feeling loved
a/n: i am quite excited about this one even though is not as long as i wanted it to be. i love angst so much and after i read  @hey-kae ‘s fanfic called “secrets he’ll keep” (go check it, i cried a lot) i got extremely inspired to write. this is base on a joji’s song called “glimpse of us” bc that is some amazing music and i cant stop listening to it. also, im still learning how to write stories so please tell what you think so i can improve and english is not my first language so if you see any errors lmk :).
you and charles had been dating for a while now. you have been best friends since your teenage years. you really knew and cared about each other so, after the most awful breakup of your life, charles was the one to console you. that was also when he confessed his feelings for you, feelings that had been bottled up inside his chest ever since he met you and, after seeing you in such a painful state, he couldn't suppress those feelings anymore, he couldn't just sit there and wait for another jerk to break your heart again.
after that you found yourself in such a sensitive state that you just decided to receive his love and not fight against it. charles didn't know that. charles didn't have to know that.
it was not like you didn't love him, you indeed did, it was just a different kind of love and, after trying and trying, you just couldn't make yourself love him the way he loved you.
you were in his apartment, laying on the couch while he was in the kitchen grabbing a snack. this was a part of your routine now, going to his apartment so you wouldn't be left alone with your own thoughts but, here you were thinking about how you used to go to your ex boyfriend’s house just to be with him. charles never liked him, now you kind of know why. he used to say that he didn't deserve you, that  he was no good for you, and that was all true, you knew that but, still, you loved him.
charles sits beside you on the couch taking you out of your pondering. he smiles at you while coming closer. you give him your best fake smile but, that's not enough to fool him.after that you realize he backed off a little, not sitting as close to you as he usually does. “charles…” you start being immediately interrupted  by him “no, y/n. im not stupid, i know you dont love me” charles begins “i've tried to pretend that i don't see it, ive tried to pretend that you actually want to be with me but i cant keep fooling myself” he continues as tears start to stream down his face. you try to come closer to hug him but he just backs off “please don't do this to me, y/n. please stop pretending like you care about me when you're only thinking about yourself” now you are the one crying. the idea of hurting charles made you feel disgusted about yourself. “ i'm so sorry…” tears and more tears from the both of you “...i can't love you as you want me to…i truly don't know why and i can't change how i feel, i've tried and i've failed…im so sorry,charlie.” charles didn't stop you this time, he just sat there crying in silence. “i can't love anyone else,y/n i only love you” he said, breaking the silence. “charles…” “please, don't say anything else” after a moment of silence he stands up “would you like me to take you home?” he asks, not looking at you “yes, please” you say while trying to stop crying. after that nothing more is said. he drives you home, you leave the car and he goes back to his apartment. no goodbyes, no kisses, no hugs, no talking, just a painful silence and probably the last time you'll see each other. that was exactly what charles most feared, the end of you.
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ghostcrows · 7 months
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aw hell yeah so, my favorites are She wants revenge, Closterkeller (they're polish tho), Scary Bitches, and for a more rock-y angle Mighty Blowfish!
im sure youve seen them, but type o negative have some serious bops, the specimen are fun but i haven't listened to a lot of them, Arshenic is a bit slow but atmospheric, the first albym of xmal Deutschland is so fucking good its a travesty that they sold out to pop lol
theres also tears for fears and depeche mode for that new wavey feel (though arguably the smiths also fit that, so.make of it what you will)
uhh some that i haven't listened extensively too but enjoy what i know of them: Male Tears, Jan PHLX or something like that, Maanan (polish again lol) and The cold night
so this is allnover the place but goth music is genuinely sooo good, if you want more/more focused recs lemme know!! happy listening 🎶 !!
oh i know she wants revenge i like them too ^_^
depeche mode ive listened to some but not all of
i think i have like. one tears for fears song in my playlist. uyep i do its mad world lol
the rest of these though have not heard of so i will go listen to some...thank u very much very appreciated
and i definitely like stuff thats new wavey whether its goth or not (i dont know genre nuances so well i dont know where one ends and another begins oftentimes and a lot of things sound quite similar to me)
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rivetgoth · 2 years
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trip report from last night did a new drug for tha first time ✌
omfg i tried molly 4 the first time last night and it was a mess. i kno molly isnt really a consistent single type of drug so idk wtf i got but like, it was from a batch a lot ov people i know had already taken and had good reports, so idk. anyway i took it like an hr before we left for the club hoping it would hit shortly after i was there and instead like, 2 hours in i was feeling basically nothing but a little antsy, a little anxious, sorta in my own head, nothing much else though. so i had a drink (just 1 !! being responsible with the molly/alcohol overlap i promise) to calm my nerves and was feeling better but mostly just normal buzzed at the club... we danced a little but the music was NOT that good and the dancefloor was NOT popping, it was empty as fuck tbh. then a big group of friends got there and literally two and a half hours after taking the pill... it HIT out of NOWHERE as i was trying to say hi to them, my heart started slamming in my chest and i felt so delirious, i felt like i was going to die tbh and i KNOW drugs enough to know that im not, literally like a bunch other ppl i know have taken this batch of pills they are safe and it was just me freaking out but my heart felt out of control, angel was reassuring me that my heartbeat sounded fine but i was panicking like when i took too many edibles or shrooms lol 😭 so i was having this stupid panic attack in slow motion at the club while trying to act normal enough to socialize...
everything just felt really chaotic and too much. like the music wasnt good but it was so damn loud, i didnt know anybody except my immediate friend circle and it felt simultaneously too crowded and surrounded but also like there was nothing to do, nobody was being super sociable there, i just felt so insane i felt so out of control i wanted to keep moving but i also wanted to lie down and i couldnt talk or communicate well with people, me and angel went to the bathroom so i could try to calm down and i just kept repeating that i felt like i was going crazy........ finally i just told her i wanted to go because i couldnt handle it, it was just too much, i was getting paranoid during every conversation and i just wanted to sit down somewhere... the bouncers were being really really rude about ins and outs and kept demanding to know why we were leaving and what we wanted from the car, as if thats any of their business when we paid the fucking 25 dollar cover fee and were on the guest list loll stupid. we sat in the car and one of my bffs came out to chat with us for awhile, the bouncers gave him a little less shit because he explained he was coming out to check on us haha. it was so nice after that, just chilling in the car and talking. me and angel decided to go home early after that, it wasnt even midnight yet i dont think, we drove around and listened to music and it was sooo nice, i felt so much more in control and just felt so elated and euphoric... listening to skuppy and ministry and thrill kill kult and iamx and tr/st and male tears etc etc. once i was out of the club and in the car and then in my house with speakers on listening to music it felt amazing, totally euphoric like similar to the times ive taken fucking.. prescription opioids and shit, like wow, but my god @ how bad that shit hit at the club, one of the scarier drug experiences of my life initially 😭 such is the life of a goth club kid in his 20s ig lmaooo. the club was wack honestly it was wayyyyy too expensive, 25 cover fee plus 25 for each drink plus 8 dollars for water plus rude bouncers empty dance floors and boring music. waste of time but at least i got that experience outta the way, it was really fun to experience in hindsight. fear and loathing in los angeles.
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dogstarblues · 7 months
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been trying to pick my systems back up after having been lax abt them. i just keep getting fucking. triggered - if it's not my pstd then its my cptsd, if it's not my ibs then its my fibromyalgia, if its not my chronic fatigue then its my adhd. like can i fucking do things? can i fucking do what i want and not get interrupted every like 3 fucking days with one extra day needed and sometimes up to a week of recovery? CAN I?
like, okay i know ive made a ton of progress. for example on saturday i encountered a scene of attempted rape on M*A*S*H and had flashbacks and dissociated all day until maybe the evening. but!!! i carried myself through the dissociation with grounding techniques so i wouldn't lose too much time and go completely catatonic, and i managed to stave off flashbacks with talking to friends and listening to music. then sunday i had a flareup from the emotional distress + weather shift and a shit day due to my period. and like. i just needed monday to bounce back from those two emotionally fraught days and feel okay again. if it had been 2 years ago, i would have had nightmares for weeks after. WEEKS. but i slept okay those nights. i didn't have nightmares. i barely remember saturday and sunday but that's okay because i do remember some of it and i feel okay today. today, i was able to do great in an interview. i was able to take care of things even if i was so tired my legs burned when i walked.
the last time i talked to my therapist i had to take a whole week of recovery from doing EMDR about my current inability to tell people i love them but i STILL bounced back. i was okay!
in 2018-2019 i had nightmares almost every night. i was hallucinating constantly. there was a point in time where my roommate had to sleep next to me in my room because i would wake up screaming and burst into tears and sob for hours. he was tired. i was tired. i got to a point where my disordered eating turned into full-blown anorexia. i was vomiting from stress and fear. but getting my dog helped, therapy helped, meds helped, becoming my own person helped, my roommate helped, getting older helped, despite being very alone and isolated with few friends during those years.
so. idk where i'm going with this but all this to maybe say, i recognize how far i've come. and maybe this is as good as i'm going to be for the rest of my life. but i think i can manage. it's just frustrating sometimes. sometimes i wish i could get my capability back, but in some ways, emotionally, mental health-wise, im the most capable i've ever been.
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kissofbelladonna · 2 years
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what’s ur fav songs rn :-)
omg hi, so i have a lot so im only going to do my top 10(ish) so in no particular order and also why or how:
head over heels - tears for fears : so i have always loved this song because my dad loves 80s music but i recently rewatched donnie darko and so it lit my love for it again, as well as this one obi wan kenobi edit on tiktok
caminando - isadora : it has such a happy melody but it's actually quite sad if you know the lyrics. i like to view it more as hopeful, the singer is just waiting (walking) for the right one :)
government hooker - lady gaga : this is definitely tiktok's fault. it's all over my fyp and i am obsessed with every bit of the song from the beat, the lyrics, to her voice 😩 although, originally, i heard it from an anakin and padmé edit a month or two ago...
science vs. romance - rilo kiley : love love love this song so much. i scream it in my car every morning on my way to work skdkkskd shout-out to my friend aaliyah who introduced it to me
on the deck of a spanish sailing ship - songs for a new world : this musical but specifically this song has had me in a chokehold. it's such a heavy song that it stays with you. you listen to it and begin to out yourself in the singer's shoes and feel horrified because this is something very real. i cry almost everytime i listen to it.
i only have eyes for you - the flamingos : this song is hauntingly beautiful and i literally listened to it on repeat for three days straight for hours at a time skfjskdks
can't take my eyes off you - frankie valli : this song is an all time favorite of mine!!! i actually danced my father-daughter dance with this song for my quince 💞
contra la corriente - marc anthony : ive known this song for years but for some reason it's been the only song i can listen to while i write this one not quite fix it star wars fic but considering the lyrics, it makes sense!
little girl blue and the battle envy - skating polly : this song really resonated with me the first time i heard it. a while ago, i felt like i most most of my autonomy and the song touches on that topic so it's a favorite for now!
i love you for all seasons - the fuzz : this song reminds me of my mom and i love my mom so thus it's a favorite. literally anything by the fuzz is my favorite simply because i associate it with her 🥰
dream boy / dream girl - johnny o. : this song slays in every single manner. it's soooo good. when i listen to it, they're actually singing about one person and not each other so it's actually about someone who identifies as both a girl and boy. funny story actually, i actually thought that's what the song was talking about when i was a child. i should've known i was under that trans umbrella when i thought that LMFAO
one more hour - tame impala : i heard this song again very recently and actually listened to the lyrics and immediately assigned it to anakin skywalker so now it's a favorite of mine <3
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amoristt · 3 years
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Grazing the Fire | IV
well hello. here i am, four years later, once again enamored with nathan enough to finally dust this baby off and pick up where i left it. im a little rusty so bear with me this chapter! much more to come <3
reblogs + tags and replies will make my entire day as i put a lot of effort into this :)! it also helps motivate me!
story continues beneath the read more. let me know if you can’t access it!
Warning: language, very vague s/a mentions
want to support me? heres my kofi!
__________________________
“Alright class, who can tell me,” A board stick clacks against the chalkboard. “Who can answer problem four?” 
A few hands raise in the corners of your eye, but yours remains atop your desk. Eyes far away, mind in a murky haze and almost completely unaware. All you could focus on were the memories playing on repeat within the confines of your tired, tired brain. Hours ago, you were warm, you were comfortable. Safe.
Cheeks heated to a dusting blush when you remind yourself just how you had awoken that morning. At some point in the night, an angel had blessed you. Allowed you to wake up wrapped around none other than big, bad, Nathan Prescott. Your face nuzzled into his chest, broad but wiry hands pressed firmly over your shoulder and his arm slung over your waist to keep you against him. Thankfully you had been the first to wake up, blinking away the morning sun blazing through his blinds and painting the room stripes of gold. At that moment, before your headache came crashing down onto your skull, you were astounded by him. 
Eye lashes brushing the top of his cheeks, his lips parted ever so slightly, chest rising and falling rhythmically. In that moment, there was no anger, no bitterness. Just a soft and peaceful slumber. It was like being the sole viewer of a magnificent painting- each stroke and detail placed just there just for you to pick out, to remember the curves and sharp edges down to the very foundation. From his unkempt hair down to the way his hand flattened onto the mattress where your indent still lived. Nathan was so beautiful like this. 
For a long time you stayed there. It was as though you were afraid to move- you couldn’t bear to disturb him. You had wondered, if he was always like this, so at peace, what would he be like? Likely soft voiced, mild mannered. He’d do his school assignments without hassle and donate to the charity board. He would wander the town with his friends and listen to music in a beat up truck flying down the stretch of highway overlooking the bold, blue, and beautiful ocean. An entirely different version of himself- carefree, and a fair blue as opposed to a burning flame of red. 
But, if that were the case, you’d never have gotten here. You’d never been both the outsider, and the only seeing eye. A lucky, albeit firstly unwilling witness to the display of depth before you. 
It never hit you like it had quite in that moment how lucky you were.
But- just then- an alarm disturbed what serendipity existed. You nearly leapt out of your skin, clutched your hands to your chest at the sudden sound. A headache wove its way into your once untouched temples. Nathan groaned, mumbled, ‘god damn it’, under his breath, and thus his body was reanimated into life. He rubbed his eyes and he stretched, that familiar scowl coming over his eyes and lips as he took in the sunlight damn near blinding him. A polar opposite to the being you’d appreciated just moments earlier.
“Ugh, fuck, how the fuck is it seven already.” He groaned. “I feel like shit.”
“Well good morning to you too,” You started, welcoming Nathan into the world. “‘I’m feeling pretty shitty as well.” 
You said that, but really… You were more than alright. Your head had hurt, slight nausea crept into the wells of your stomach, but other than that you’re sure you were phenomenally better than you’d have been waking up whereverTate would have left your ass.
“You need to get outta here, before everyone gets up.” Nathan drawled, but he didn’t sound as urgent as you expected him to be. You’d expected him to be angry that you were still in his room, but instead he just… accepted it. 
You snickered, climbing out of his throne of a bed. “Wow, you’re giving me the morning after treatment?” 
“Sure am. Get outta here, whore.”
“Oh fuck you.” 
You located your heels from last night, resting upright near his dorm room door. Heels didn’t sound like the most  practical to sneak out of a dorm with, so you instead opted to grappling them by the straps and carrying them at your side. Hair a mess, outfit riddled with wrinkles and makeup smudged under your eyes, you stood before Nathan in all your glory. He stared at you for a long, odd moment- and you for some reason felt exposed, or even, shy. 
“What?” You ask expectantly, placing a hand on your hip. 
His eyes trail to your line of vision. He shakes his head. “Just thinking about how now you really do look like my morning after.”
“Yeah?” You hummed. “Find it hard to believe you get a lot of those.”
Nathan shoots you a suggestive glance. “You’d be surprised. Everyone wants a piece of Prescott.”
Surely, he was joking, or maybe he wasn’t, but you… Didn’t like hearing that. It made your stomach feel odd, uncomfortably heavy.  As he stood up, reminding you how many inches he had over your size, you swallowed and cleared your throat to flush out that crappy feeling. “Well,” you started, mood having dropped. “I’m gonna go, then.” 
“What got your panties in a twist all the sudden?” He asked, raising a brow and pulling some clothes from his closet, tossing them onto the bed.
The bed you two had shared.
You hated the idea of his morning afters- whoever they may be. 
“Not feeling great. Probably a side effect of the roofies.” You mumbled.
Nathan breathed a laugh. “Probably.”
He seemed so calm, right now. Perhaps due to it being so early, before the outside world had a chance to remind him just why he was so uptight all the tight. Before he needed to be so uptight all the time. He really did have so many versions of himself- all of whom you were slowly becoming familiar with. Compared to the person you’d believed him to be before your run ins, you’d never have assumed someone so dangerous could be so soft as last night, as this morning. In the beginning, you’d feared him. Avoided him like a plague, or a wild animal. Even when you were enraptured in the existence of him, you still wanted to keep away. You’d never have believed someone like you could wake up clutched to his chest, as though he were afraid if he released you, you’d be gone long before he woke. 
Then, a sudden thought struck your mind. 
He’d held you so tight. He’d welcomed you in the morning. No anger, no annoyance. His soft laugh at your banter and taunts. How your heels were standing upright instead of tossed haphazardly into some random corner, where he’d watch your struggle to find. 
How he’d stayed awake to ensure your sleep.
“So are you just gonna stand there?” Nathan called you back to reality, hands gripping the hems of his shirt. “I gotta get ready and you need to wash up so you don’t look like a five dollar stripper.” Cruel words, but with absolutely no bite. You rolled your eyes.
“Yeah. But, hey,” You started. “Thank you for last night.” 
“Yeah, yeah. You gotta start learning to watch your own back.” He says. “There’s gonna be times I won’t be there to drag your ass out of the fire.”
If you’d been charged, if you’d been stricken with a strange defensiveness, you’d have retorted, ‘than stop helping me’, but… Instead you allowed yourself the comfort of protection. You allowed Nathan Prescott to watch you.  
“I know,” You reached for the door. “Thank you.”
With that, you bounded out of the dorm silent as a mouse. 
-----------
In hindsight, you should have left earlier. Class was merely 15 minutes away when you slipped out of Nathan's room and bounded towards the women's dorm. Albeit not exactly a long walk, by the time you discreetly snuck back into your own dorm, you had roughly twenty minutes to somehow pick an outfit from your countless unopened boxes and make yourself even slightly presentable. 
Wiping off whatever make-up you could get and reapplying it, brushing out the tangles of your hair and nearly tearing off your scalp in the process, scattering your nightclothes over your floor and managing to scrounge out a semi-decent outfit for the day… You still looked a mess. If the mirror could laugh, it would have. Black mascara smudges under your eyes and frizzy untreated hair. What a lovely look. 
You’d made it to class just five minutes late, but those five minutes were all it took for all eyes to be on you as you tried to slide into the classroom unnoticed. A couple classmates whispered to their table mates as you passed by, smelling of oversaturated cherry blossom perfume to hopefully cover the scent of alcohol. You sauntered to your seat and sank down with all your weight, suddenly exhausted. You’d made it with just five minutes tainting your record of attendance. The teacher greeted you with a disappointed sigh, and thus, the day began. 
But, it was so hard to focus. All you could think about was Nathan. 
“Alright class, who can tell me,” A board stick clacks against the chalkboard. “Who can answer problem four?” 
You lowered your head. 
“Ah, how about, ___?”
You snaked back into reality, blinking up at the chalk board that was somehow already riddled with math equations. Since you hadn’t been paying attention even in the slightest, your mouth gaped wide open, eyes scanning for something you understood even slightly so you didn’t look like a total idiot. 
Sadly, you were out of luck. The teacher shook his head. “I’m shocked,” He said. “You're normally so on top of things. Oh well.”
“Oh, I’m sure she was on top of things,” A female voice sniggered behind you “Last night.”
Your face flushed a red, hot, ruby. What the hell was she talking about? How had they found out you were with Nathan? You were so sure of being sneaky, there was no way-
“Her and Tate totally got it on last night.”
You whipped around in your seat, facing girls who looked to be clones of some sort. Both with the same dark eyes, short brown hair, and freckles. “What?”
“Alright-” Your teacher blurted. “That's enough. April, May, enough. Let’s not discuss things outside of the classroom.”
The two girls batted their eyes. “Sorry sir.” One spoke, twirling a hand through her hair. Her sister's wide toothy grin never fumbled. 
“Back to it then. Kate, can you help out __ with number four?” 
The small, blonde girl nodded quickly, brushing a lock of hair behind her eyes and offering an empathic nod. 
As you turned around in your seat, her answer fell on deaf ears. Your heart was racing in your chest, hands balled into fists while you stared ahead blankly.  
They couldn’t seriously think that you chose to leave with Tate, could they? Surely someone must have seen the state you were in. Someone other than Nathan.
The clock ticks forward but time feels like it's passing almost unnaturally slow. With just 10 minutes left, you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket.
‘Nathan: consider ur favor officially returned 
Your tongue poked from your lips, the tiniest of smiles taking over your once sullen features. Terrible thoughts and worries flew out the window while you type back, ‘damn. here i was gonna to ask you to do a backflip off the roof with me. there goes my plans.’
Nathan types for a moment. Typing, stopping, typing again. 
‘Nathan: soundz like a blast. where and when?’
A small blush heats your cheeks. ‘very funny. thanks to last night i have an entire 24 hour session of studying to catch up with.’
His response is almost instant. ‘Nathan: boringgg. txt me when ur fun.’
Rolling your eyes, you shove your phone back into your pocket. It seems you’ve been able to secure enough of a friendship with him for some mindless banter even outside your little visits. You smile. He’s… Fun to talk to. Surprisingly. 
Class comes to an end and you start to pack up the books and papers you’d hardly even glanced at the whole period. Whatever had been upsetting you before is lost in your mind while you think of the morning, the night before. All the things in-between. But, your happiness doesn’t last long. As you get up, you’re almost forced right back into your seat as a weight shoves into your shoulder. Your books scatter to the floor. April, the one who’d remarked about you earlier, glares at you in what looks to be disgust. 
“Careful April,” Her sister hums as she saunters past you, keeping distance and raising her already shrill tone of voice. “Might wanna watch where you’re walking- I’d hate for you to catch something from this slut.”
You absolutely gawk at her. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”
April scoffs. “Oh come on, like everyone doesn’t know what you were up to last night.”
“Sleeping around isn’t a good color on you.” May hikes her bag over her shoulder and snickers at you. They both leave the class together, sickeningly in sync. You’re left stunned where you stand, unsure how the hell your life came to this so quickly. How you’ve stooped so low that the daughters of the world's most uncreative parents are able to bully you based on something that didn’t even happen.
Next class goes no better. The person to your right, a jockey looking brunette guy, asks, ‘have you ever heard of a Tate?’. You say no, that that’s the dumbest name you’ve ever heard. The idiot grins and goes back to marking down likely wrong answers on his test sheet and you debate kicking the leg of his chair out- but you don’t to avoid even more eyes on you. It makes you sick to your stomach- even more than recovering from the roofies does. How can everyone believe it? You barely even knew the guy and you were clearly uncomfortable with his advances. No one saw that? 
After everything you’d worked for to build a reputation, trying so hard to not call out peoples shit for the sake of seeming friendly, tainted over something that didn’t even happen? And the kicker was that it hadn’t even been your fault! He’d drugged you, he’d have taken advantage of you! Yet you were the bad person? 
Class came and went in the blink of an eye this time. Your mind wrapped up in the situation, your stomach churning. You wanted the day to be over with but you still had 4 more classes to suffer through. Why was this happening to you? Was Tate being treated just as horribly, or was he getting pats on the backs of his unaware friends?
Wandering down the halls to your locker, you noticed Lance and Kaz hanging around one of the drinking fountains. Your nerves quelled- your friends would surely make you feel much better. Especially since they had witnessed how awful you were feeling as you left. You approach with a relieved smile, ready to say your truth and finally have someone on your side.
“Hey guys.” You smile, but Lance looks down at his feet while Kaz places her hands to his hips. Your smile fades.
“You could have told us you were gonna spend the night with Tate,” Kaz snaps. “You didn’t need to lie like that just to leave. We were all worried about you and it was for nothing.”
“What?” You feel like you could cry. “No, Kaz, I really did try to leave. Tate tried to drug me and take me home, and-”
“He wouldn’t do that.” Lance interrupts, with a frown. He looks back down at the floor with knitted brows. “I’ve known Tate since before time. He wouldn't do something like that, especially not to one of my best friends. Plus he told me he was really into you. Why would he even try?”
“Are you serious?” You sputter. “You think I’d lie about something like that?”
“You’ve been lying about all sorts of things!” Kaz huffs. “What’s going on with you lately? You’ve been so distant, and secretive. What are you hiding that’s making you lie like this? We’re supposed to be your friends and then you lie to our faces just to go and fuck the first guy that shows you attention.”
“What…?” It was like acid. It was like the rug had been pulled from your feet sending you spiraling down the unending cliff. Kaz, your best friend, all that venom. How could they turn against you like this? What the hell is going on? You felt your throat tighten. “Look, I’m sorry if I’ve been distant, but I’m not lying to you, I-”
“We gotta go.” Lance isn’t in the mood to hear it. “We’ll catch up to you.. Some other time.”
Kaz says nothing as she pushes past you. Lance, at least, spares a short glance over his shoulder. You stood there alone in the hallway, your bag falling off your shoulder and clattering onto the floor with a thud echoing off the walls. Everything you had, all gone at once. 
No one believed you.
---------
With nowhere to go where you felt like you could truly allow yourself to process the day's events, you went to the only place you knew. 
Just outside of campus, where rocks lined the edge of the boundary, overlooking the outskirts of the town and the ocean stretching as far as the eye could see. You settled yourself there, staring at the vast waters and wondering how this had all happened. Unlucky didn’t even begin to cover how it felt. Not only did you feel violated with Tate attempting to do unthinkable things with your unconscious body, but you also felt alone, and walked on. Your best friends hadn’t believed you. While Lance seemed saddened, Kaz was so… Angry. Her words cut like knives into your skin. 
It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. You didn’t deserve this.
You want to talk to Nathan, but knowing him, he’d see your state and bounce instantly. After all, this isn’t exactly very fun of you.
As the sun began to fall, splaying orange and blues over the wide open sky, behind you, you could hear voices. A group of them, some male, some female. Memories of when your notebook had gotten snatched by those two horsed face assholes came flooding back and with all your alertness, you stood up, and decided that this sitting place was no longer safe. Nothing was.
Before you even made it ten feet away, the group had found their way to your spot and gotten comfortable, one of the girls cheering, ‘this’ll be our hangout! look at how pretty the view is!’
You took a short drive down the stretches of road and decided that if you were going to lament in your own sadness, you were at least going to do so in a place that had something to cover the sound of your tears. Plus a nice view.
The beach, littered with its picnic tables and the sounds of crashing waves would suffice just fine. So, you pulled in the desolate parking lot and wandered down the sandy shores until you stumbled upon a picnic table shaded by a large willow cascading lushious branches to block out the sun- a perfect canopy for you to wallow under. 
You had nothing at that moment. No friends, no reputation, no one to believe your tragic tale. And now, you’d just lost the one spot that made you feel comfortable when stress was building into your body like concrete. Tears pricked into the corners of your eyes and you bit your lip, dreading that feeling of a lump in your throat. Why you? Everything had been going so well. How could not even a single person believe that Tate had tried to hurt you?
Well, actually, there was one person.
Of course Nathan believed you. He’d been the one to rescue you, after all. Time and time again it seemed.  How was it that even the ones closest to you would turn their back so fast, yet Nathan seemed to be there even when you didn’t want him to be? Even when you yelled at him, and he yelled right back, fire and sparks falling into embers around the two of you. 
In that moment, you almost felt like you could finally relate to him. A reputation based on lies and things out of your control, paired with a hardheaded attitude to try and combat all the assumptions. 
No wonder he was so angry. 
“Hey bitch,” A voice suddenly called, and you had a split second moment where you were terrified of once again being the victim of a cruel prank or some classmates boredom. “How about next time you have a pity party you don’t fucking call me in the middle of it.”
You blinked away your tears and through the blurriness saw a figure coming towards you. All that sass, the tone...
“Nathan?” You breathed. It only takes moments before he’s in front of you, holding his phone in view, seeing that the call that had been running for nearly ten minute. You flush in embarrassment, pulling your phone from your back pocket. “How did that happen?”
“Well, can your ass dial numbers?” He taunts, ending the call. 
“Damn it, dumb phone must have butt-dialed you. I knew I should’ve gotten a different one.” You mentally kick yourself. “It must have unlocked in my pocket.”
“You don’t have a password on your phone?” He taunts. When you shake your head, he whistles. “You are just begging for a robbery. I’ll keep that in mind when I’m in the mood to send random messages to all your buddies.” 
“Fuck off.” You scowl, and he grins, hopping up on the picnic table next to you. The sun flatters his skin. He’s almost glowing. 
“Speaking of buddies, how the hell did it pick my number out of your sea of friends?”
You shrug. “Probably cuz’ it’s a priority contact.” 
“Oh lala, I’ve been upgraded to priority huh? Does it display a superman logo whenever you give it a ring?”
“Nope. When I press call it rings the nearest asshole in my vicinity. The fact that it’s you is your own problem.”
“Haha, fucking ha.” He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. He stares out at the water, watching waves pull and crash onto the beach. It’s almost beautiful, until he ruins it. “Yknow, you’re a really ugly crier.”
“Wow, thanks.” You shake your head. “That's exactly what I needed to hear right now. Why did you even stay on the line?.” Wiping your eyes, you start to forget your tears. “Couldn’t have been that wild of a conversation.”
Nathan shrugs. “Between the crying and the sound of the waves it was pretty nice.” He grins. “Very educational.” 
“Awesome. Glad I was able to make your day.” It doesn’t feel like your usual bitey remarks. You’re tired, you’re still a little hurt and you can’t stop thinking about how such an amazing morning had turned into such a horrible day.
“So what’s got you all fucked up? Never seen you act like this big of a baby before.”
“Nothing. You already paid off your debt to me per this morning, so feel free to resume our regularly scheduled mutual hatred.” You say, lying through your teeth. You know you’re both past the point of hatred, but you’re feeling jaded, you can’t help it. 
“Oh shut the fuck up,” He groans. “I didn’t drag my ass all the fucking way out to this shit hole of a beach just for you to give me that bullshit. What, did you fail a test? No one matched you on tinder?”
“Everyone thinks me and Tate slept together last night.” You blurt. “I think he’s telling people me and him had sex.”
Nathan tenses his shoulders and grimaces. “Fucking werido.”
“I told my best friends that he tried to take advantage of me and they don’t believe me. One of em’ even said he wouldn’t do something like that.”
“Fuck em’. Who needs best friends.”
“And to make everything so much better, these two bitches that I share four of my classes with harassed me all goddamn day. I mean, fucks sake, how the hell are girls named April and May of all things able to get to me. It’s bullshit. And to make matters worse, Tate is just… Getting away with it.”
“Yeah well, something tells me that Tate’s gonna get a real nice fucking taste of medicine eventually. I just gotta find him first. He’s got a lot of nerve spreading shit around given I knocked his ass onto the pavement.” Nathan brows knit at the memory.
You test the waters. “Why would you do that for me?”
He seems caught off guard, or maybe, surprised that you’d ask. Maybe he thinks you’re both beyond that point. He grumbles, “Why does it matter.”
“I’m just curious. We don’t owe each other anything, remember?”
“Yeah, well,” He huffs. “Don’t ask me questions to shit I don’t know the answer to.”
“You say that an awful lot.” You tease.
“Yeah well you ask dumbass questions an awful lot. Not everything I do has to have some weird ass motives behind it, ___. Maybe I’ve got beef with Tate that’s outside of you.”
“Uhuh. Sure.” You’re about to say something else, when your phone lights up with a text. The display makes your heart fall all over again. 
Unknown Number: you should just pack up and go somewhere else. no one wants std’s from breathing your air xoxo
You don’t even know who that is. Now absolute strangers are on your case. You want to throw your phone into the ocean and leave.
Nathan scoffs. “Don’t even bat a fucking eye for that bitch, whoever the hell they are. Half the hoes you’ve mentioned have slept with half the football team,” he pinches his jacket, “and I would know.”
“Ew, Nathan,” You grimace, that same feeling from the morning returning. It feels, oddly, like jealousy.  He nudges your arm with his elbow and grins playfully. It’s cute.
“Chill, I’m just fucking with you. You gotta know even I wouldn’t fuck girls that desperate. I’m a man of class.”
That last comment actually forces a laugh from you. It’s soft, but it’s real. The first laugh you’ve genuinely had all day. “That’s horrible.” You remark, giggling again.
It's almost like the slight restoration of your mood puts him at ease as well. He leans back on his hands and stares off into the ocean, those sparkling waters under the setting, orange sun. “I’m for real though. Those hoes aren’t worth your time. One day when we blow this shithole of a town they’re not even gonna matter.”
Your brows knit, eyes blinking up at him. Had you heard that right? 
“We?” You ask, perplexed, albeit a little… Hopeful.
Nathan sputters. “Well- Like, when everyone’s older and-”
“You know what, it's fine.” You interrupt. “Fuck it. You’re right. We’re gonna blow this town and they’re just gonna be some shitty memories.”
He sucks in a shaky breath. You’ve never heard him scramble like that, like he’s been unmasked. The look he casts you when you agree, when you don’t tease or patronize and finally hop on the idea that yeah, what if the two of you really didn’t have to deal with it anymore.
What if the two of you could just exist, without the anger. 
You look up at him. “Would you actually do that though?” You start. “With me, of all people?”
He swallows. His expression is tense, but he’s not upset. He appears nervous, caught off guard. Nathan tries, “I-”
Your phone rings. Shrill, piercing. Mood destroying. 
“Jesus Christ, it’s my mom.” You grab your phone and Nathan looks forward, stone faced and silent as you hop off the table and answer. It’s your mother, who all but shouts into the phone that her and your father are taking a surprising visit to Arcadia Bay while they’re traveling by on their vacation. She insists that you be ready in about an hour for dinner, and likely there will be family photos. 
Which means if you still look as wrecked as you did this morning, you’re gonna have a lot of washing up to do. With a quick goodbye, a short and sweet, ‘love you’, you hang up and sigh. 
“You still tell your mom you love her?” He teases. “What are you, five?”
You frown. “You don’t tell your parents you love them?”
Nathan side eyes you, and just shrugs. It is all the answer you need, really, and for his sake you decide it wouldn’t be best to press the issue. Not now. But- it still makes your heart hurt just a little. You wished that he’d had it better growing up. 
“Right… Do you want a ride home?”
“Fuck no, what am I,” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “a fucking girl scout?” 
“I was just offering, weirdo.” When he doesn't get up, you feel like you’re missing out. Like if you stayed, maybe, just maybe, you’d get to know him a little better. “Hey, if you want, I can stay for a bit longer.”
He rolls his eyes. “You’re needed elsewhere. But,” he shrugs. “I don’t know. Fuckin’... Text me or something. Or not, I don’t care either way.”
There’s a small warmth in your chest that rises to your cheeks. He wants you to text him. “Yeah,” You say. “If I’m feeling fun.”
And with that, you bid him farewell, beginning your descent to the parking lot. 
“Hey,” He calls, and you turn just in time to catch a small item he’s tossed right at you. A tiny key resides in the palm of your hand. “Spare. If shit hits the fan again-...” He shrugs, and actually looks away. “Just don’t be too fucking loud of I’ll kick your ass out myself. No Madison needed.”
The widest grin plays over your lips. “I’m gonna re-decorate your room while you’re gone.”
“Ah, you fucking better not.” He shouts. “Actually- you know what, give it back.” 
“No, no! I’m sorry.” You play with the key between your fingers. “Thanks for this.”
“Yeah, whatever. Don’t lose it and remember- emergencies only. I don’t need you watching me sleep like fucking freak. We’re past that stage.” 
“How many times will I have to say I was never watching you. Christ… But, alright. See ya, then.” The key is heavy in your palm. 
You place it into your pocket and give him one last glance before you take off, leaving him to enjoy the sound of waves, birds, and the absence of your tears.
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Text
Grunge-Metal Geralt
Hi, im fucking trash for the idea of Geralt being the front man for a Five Finger Death Punch type band and my brain wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it. This music genre is my bread and butter and I think Geralt’s repressed but highly emotional ass would fit right in. Yes im using another Hozier song, no i dont wanna hear anything about it. I’m a basic bitch and ive made my peace with it
Warnings: i honestly have no idea, its a little horny, little emotional, but theres no actual character interaction?, its at a concert venue? idk yall.
_________________________
Jaskier was… out of his comfort zone.
It’s not that he didn’t like the grunge-metal music, he just hadn’t listened to much and he was not used to the energy. People were yelling and screaming and the opener hadn’t even come on yet. He didn’t feel unsafe, far from it. Several people had checked to see if he was okay, seeing as he was the only person in the entire arena wearing a sweater that wasn't ripped or faded to hell. It was just a far cry from the shows he was used to. 
He played folky-blues. This was nothing like his shows. 
When the lights went down the crowd was deafening, all moving as one to rush the front of the floor, not giving a single fuck about tickets. 
The openers were exciting, and Jaskier was surprised by some of the concepts and messages behind the music. It wasn’t what he’d expected at all and he found himself searching them up on Spotify to listen later. 
Then came The Witchers. 
Eskel and Lambert made their energetic entrance, followed by Aiden calmly walking to his drums and sitting as if he were walking into a college class. But Geralt was nowhere in sight. The one person Jaskier had actually come to see. 
He’d seen a video clip from a previous concert where they covered one of his songs, and he was praying they’d do it again. It was lovely in a haunting-almost-threatening way, and the expression in Geralt’s posture alone was enthralling. He had to see it live. 
But Geralt was still absent as the band started to build a song. First Aiden with the beat, then Eskel’s bass, then Lambert with a melody on his electric guitar. It built and built and built to a fever pitch, taking the crowd with it. People were already jumping and screeching. Jaskier had to stand on his seat to see the stage clearly. 
Geralt’s voice echoed through the venue, low and closer to a growl than singing, but he was still nowhere to be seen.
Jaskier thought he’d been prepared, but his whole body was covered in goosebumps. He briefly wondered if this was what his friends were feeling when they listened to ASMR.
Geralt remained hidden for the whole first verse, getting the crowd even more excited than Jaskier thought possible, only for the band to go completely silent for a whole measure. When the crowd's screams reached their absolute loudest, Geralt dropped from on top of one of the jumbotrons, landing on one of the horse-sized speakers before launching into the chorus. 
Oh fuck, he was even more beautiful in person. 
He was… well he was a beast of a man. Jaskier really didn’t have another word for the way his muscles bulged and how lithe and powerful he looked springing from the speaker to join his bandmates on the main stage. His thighs filled out his black, tattered jeans and there were clear faded spots where his muscles strained the fabric too often. The thin black tank he wore did nothing but pretend the man was semi-modest. It was so tight, the only thing left up to the imagination was tan lines and the color of his nipple piercings. 
Jaskier was most entranced by his long, white, wavy hair falling past his shoulders. As the show continued and he started to sweat, a lot, it got curlier and curlier at the root. Jaskier wanted to give him a mask and some curl cream, but only after a, uhm, rough night of getting to know each other. He’d heard rumors about Geralt from hitting arenas not long after they’d left. He was quite sure they’d have a great time.
As he focused on the lyrics more and more, he was more inclined to want to wrap Geralt up in a hug and worship every part of him until he felt whole again. 
Either he’d been shown the shitty side of the genre, or The Witchers were exceptions to the rule of content. Jaskier was almost moved to tears a few different times.
Finally, about an hour into Jaskier mindlessly feasting his eyes on the front man, Geralt leapt onto another speaker and sat down, breathing hard and grinning from ear to ear. 
“You still with us?”
The unholy screech from the crowd left no doubt they were just as excited, if not more so, than when they’d arrived. 
“Good! Good..” he trailed off, chuckling as he lowered the mic to take a breath, “We’re gonna slow it down for a minute,” he leaned forward and held the mic away as Eskel shouted something up at him to which he laughed and flipped him off. 
“As I was saying, we’re gonna yearn for a minute or two and do a cover. Song by Jaskier called ‘Talk’.”
The crowd lost their shit again, various pride flags popping up throughout the stands. 
Geralt chuckled and raised his combat boot, showing off the bi flag colored treads, earning another round of screams. If this is what the grunge-metal scene was like, Jaskier had been missing out his entire life. Sure his fans were sweet and supportive and loving when he’d come out. But this was electric and feral and completely addictive.
Lambert struck the opening chord to Jaskier’s song and the crowd settled to a gentle hum, setting the tone immediately, as if they all knew exactly what was coming. 
Geralt closed his eyes as he tapped his thigh with one finger, keeping time before his rumbling baritone hit Jaskier like a freight train. 
“I’d be the voice that urged Orpheus when her body was found…”
Jaskier could have collapsed right there. He knew he was staring like a lovesick idiot, but hell, everyone around him was too. When the chorus hit and Eskel came in with a heavy bass line he nearly fell off his chair. Geralt’s intensity raised with the addition of the backup but he didn’t move. He stayed seated, swaying slightly, with his eyes closed as he crooned out the words Jaskier had sobbed as he wrote, broken hearted and miserable. 
It was surreal. 
Sure he’d seen other covers. Sure they’d been lovely. But he wanted to listen to this and only this as he fell asleep for the rest of his life. He’d never play it again if he could only hear it one more time. 
After the last verse Lambert launched into a guitar solo while Geralt jumped off the speaker and meandered to the center of the stage to slot his mic back in it’s stand. He gripped it like a lifeline when Lambert held one last note for as long as his instrument would allow and only started singing the last chorus when it was almost silent. 
“I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things I would do
So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you
I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things we could do
So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you”
His expression looked hopeless and utterly desperate as he crooned out the last two lines. He let his hair fall to cover his face and Jaskier could just barely hear his panting breath over the sound system as the crowd exploded. Geralt tipped his head back and took two deep breaths before straightening up and getting on with the show but Jaskier was stuck. 
He was vaguely aware of someone taking a picture of him, but he really couldn’t care less. The fact that Geralt moved right on to a song called ‘Burn Motherfucker Burn’ didn’t matter either. 
Jaskier jumped down from his arena seat, whipping out his phone and sending the band a tweet, because apparently that’s what musicians did now?
“Record it. Please. It’s either that or sing me to sleep every night. You choose.”
He stayed for the rest of the show and walked to his car in a haze. Before he backed out of his spot he checked his phone like always and his heart nearly stopped at the two top notifications. 
One public reply: “Both? -G”
And one direct message: “If you’re still here and want to grab a drink, I’m just backstage.” 
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unalivejournal · 3 years
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u mentioned only reading kripke era fic do you have a reclist 👀👀👀and if not could you link some of ur faves cuz the stuff that gets circulated the most right now is all like late late seasons fic and kripke era is my favorite too but im having trouble finding that many fics for it or even seasons 6-10 era which im fine with also. its just that like. the last five seasons were so bad that it makes fic generally worse too because people have to jump off of just Thee stupidest plot choices no matter how good their prose skills might be. but anyway yea if u have recs that would be awesome :)
hi anon i was thinking abt making a reclist and u just gave me the perfect excuse thank u
jess adamilligan’s kripke era fic recs
from making this ive learned that i never bookmark ANYTHING. sorry all of these r like….. 10k and under. i DO read longer fic but i don’t have any kripke era longfics bookmarked & tbh i prefer short oneshots
season one gen
disclaimer because it’s unfortunately needed: NONE of these are w*ncest! they’re all completely tagged as gen and i did not read them with the intent of consuming ship content.
Coaster Park by fogsrollingin, 10.4k, G, gen
Coaster Park had been experiencing an unusually high frequency of technical difficulties. Dean wouldn't have pulled a shift treating nauseated, heat-stroked, or dehydrated park-goers for that if he could've helped it, but when 'technical difficulties' were accompanied by rumors of things moving and stopping on their own in front of the operators' eyes, Dean had to throw down.
No historical tragedies or disasters in the area, ectoplasm, or EMF. Dean's only lead was a battered-looking kid that'd been coming to the park every day since it'd all started.
really interesting au fic! slightly ‘it’s a terrible life’. dean winchester is a hunter/EMT and sam wesson is a college kid destined to die on a roller coaster ride.
two basic motivating forces by sahwen, 7.8k, T, gen
He can’t cry, it’s not allowed; even as a child he was hushed into silence, whether his tears were from a long car ride or a late night or a raging fever. It’s never been an option, it’s never been an available outlet, and it’s not about to start being one just because he’s having an emotional breakdown on the bathroom floor.
Sam isn't only afraid of clowns.
BIG emetophobia tw (both for graphic depictions of nausea/vomiting and for the fact that this fic is about sam suffering from emetophobia) for this one but it’s my favorite sickfic. portrays anxiety over getting sick really well and is a fascinating examination of the different ways that sam’s fear of loss of control can manifest itself. also has lovely brothers content <3
Let’s Start at the Very Beginning (Remix of Just as Easy as 123) by nwspaprtaxis, 4k, T, gen
Dean’s functionally illiterate and Sam’s determined to remedy it...
PLEASE READ THIS ONE god it’s so sweet. dean never learned how to read properly due to his nomadic childhood and sam teaches him how.
dean/cas
Broadway Musical by Griftings, 9k, M, m/m
This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.
The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.
Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.
somewhat of a fandom classic and the humor holds up wonderfully. a very silly fic completed with commentary from angel radio throughout the entire thing.
Sappiest Season by dollsome, 2.7k, G, m/m
In which Dean and Cas have to stop an evil Christmas tree (like you do), and it requires a little fake couple action.
hilarious little s5ish fic. one of the first i read when getting back into spn. i don’t want to spoil anything but this is my favorite pick me up and i still giggle randomly whenever i think about it
The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by tuesday
Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this.
another fandom classic. ik this one is recced a lot but how could i NOT include it. dean and cas get married (mostly by accident) and they’re huge cunts about it
the one thing in the galaxy god didn't have his eyes on by prufrock, 2.4k, T, gen + m/m
“Wait,” Dean says. “Let me get this right. You can fly, right—you can teleport—but you can’t drive a car?”
or, after the events of S5E03 "Free to Be You and Me," Dean teaches Cas to drive. Cas finds it stressful
im always a sucker for a good ftbyam fic. also i can’t drive so. resonation
So Says The Sword by komodobits, 85k, E, m/m
The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’
Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected.
NO introduction neede. i think everyone on spntumblr has read this already but still. if you haven’t then i am demanding that you read it NOW. tbh i’m just adding this one so that i have at least one long fic here 😭
the weight by @myaimistrue, 3.5k, T, gen + m/m
“Do you…” Bobby sighs. “Listen, Dean, do you have something you wanna tell me?”
It’s the conversational equivalent of being punched in the stomach.
Or, Dean works through some things with Bobby's help.
WHEN I SAW THE USERNAME I GASPED I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS U. anyway i Love coming out fics idk why i just do. the world is ending and dean comes out to bobby
canticles by 2street2car, 10.3k, T, m/m
“But you know something? If I couldn’t get you laid, at least I gave you a good first date.”
feat: footsies at a Ruby Tuesday, stargazing, the recreation of an iconic "Dirty Dancing" scene (no, not that one—the other one), and practicing for When You're With A Girl.
another ftbyam fic that skepticalfrog (i believe?) recommended a while back. made me feel at least 28 new emotions
Epilogue by JayneL, 28k, E, m/m
Bobby is here, swearing somewhere above and behind him; and Dean is here, talking about 2014 like it's a foreign country; and Sam is here, and is not Lucifer. Which means-- Bobby is here, swearing somewhere above and behind him; and Dean is here, talking about 2014 like it's a foreign country; and Sam is here, and is not Lucifer. Which means--
Cas is no longer when he was. Lucifer sent him back.
Coda to 'The End'.
2014 cas gets sent back to 2009, feelings ensue etc. i don’t remember all the details of this one bc it’s been a while but it’s really good
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Fragile As We Lie by perilously, 11k, E, f/f
Dragging Bela Talbot out of perdition isn't so much a decision as it is a frantic choice based on gut instinct. Her soul is bright, if fractured, and Anna yearns to do good again after the perversion of free will that immediately preceded her death.
Bela's no ordinary human, though; she's prickly and damaged and beautiful, and Anna doesn't want to leave her side. So maybe they can figure out how to navigate post-resurrection, post-Apocalypse-that-wasn't Earth together.
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ellitx · 3 years
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Chapter 13: Fidelity
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𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁
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art belongs to _suucrose
word count: 2.9k
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           In sun and clouds, the church spire reached into that every stretching blue. It was as if it spoke of the love of the community towards their god, that it too lasted in any weather and called on them to join and put their faith in him.
           When Aether and Paimon walked along the nave, the church choir was different compared to the other choirs that didn’t sing hymns. Their voice was almost like angels, high notes soaring over the clouds, graceful notes dancing on the staves, and they sang for the Anemo Archon only.
           The two waited to finish their practice before looking for a certain deaconess that might help them gather more information they needed. It wasn’t long before Barbara noticed them and approached the two with a welcoming smile.
           “Hello, Honorary Knight. What brings you here today?” 
           Paimon flew over her and leaned closer for a much better closeness to ask. 
           “We would like to ask you something about Barbatos!” She exclaimed fervently whilst she placed her small arms in front of her chest. A bright smile was then donned on the deaconess’s face, her blue eyes sparkling in delight at her words.
           “Oh! Are you two perhaps interested in serving Mondstadt’s very own Anemo archon as well?” Her tone had an obvious enthusiasm in it. Aether already felt bad that’s not what they were here for, and be that as it may, he still has to prioritize in searching for his lost sibling.
           “That’s not the case. We wanted to ask if by any chance the Anemo archon has a lover.”
           Barbara’s small pink lips parted trying to utter a single word however a short chuckle was what came from her mouth. It surprised them and was confused if they said something odd. Her delicate hands were now placed on her mouth to stifle her laughs, apologizing in between them, as small tears form from the corner of her eyes.
           “Sorry for suddenly laughing. I wasn’t expecting that’ll be your question. But to answer that, there are no stories or mentions if Barbatos had a lover or not in the past. If he did, it would’ve already been written in the books and be sung by the bards everywhere. You celebrated the Windblume Festival, right?" 
        The two gestured their heads as a yes. "Since you already know it's a festival about love and freedom, wouldn't the Windblume Festival be celebrated for both of them instead of Barbatos only? But just as I have said before, there were no tales about the God of Freedom having a lover.”
           Something clicked inside his head though it didn’t last for long as it suddenly fades away like a speckle of dust. 
           “That’s true…” He turned to look at Paimon who was all troubled and disturbed.
           He continued to listen further if there’ll be more clues but it seems like that’s the only information he’ll get for now. His companion looked at him then held her aching head to alleviate the small ringing echoing in her ears.
           “Paimon’s running out of brain juice and my head is hurting the more Paimon thinks about this…” The throbbing in her head told her it was time to rest someplace quiet, to ride out the pile of confusion within her brain.
           Aether nodded and massaged his forehead in hopes to ease the pain. Why does he suddenly feel so lightheaded? He shook his head and pushed himself forward to carry out his plan on giving the pendant back to you. Words of gratitude were what Barbara received from the blonde and she waved them a goodbye to continue her choir practice with the other members of the Favonius Church.
           “Are we going back to the lair?” Paimon asked. Aether hummed in affirmation as they stepped outside of the parish. The harsh sunlight caused him to squint his eyes and cover his face with his arm. Was it always this hot for this season? The sudden change of the climate made him so lightheaded than ever. 
           Paimon detected how pale he looks as if he’d been painted with white-wash— even his lips were barely there. It was as if his heart had suddenly stopped beating and all the blood had run down into his boots. He swayed just for a moment, then with one step backward, he crumpled like a puppet suddenly released of their strings.
  Birds trill, sweetly high, the chorus as playful as the birds themselves. With closed eyes, Venti imagined their music to color, painting stairs in the same way grapevines grow - this way and that, in a beautiful harmony that isn't quite random. 
           Along with your soft humming, it made the ambiance much more relaxing and calm for him. In the calm of the day, his heartbeat is the steady drum to your melody and he seeps into the moment, allowing himself to drown in your beautiful voice.
           You rubbed the petals of the red flower between your fingers, watching your skin take on the sunny hue. Venti had spent the entire afternoon lying down on your lap and listening to your canorous tunes that made him forget about everything— as if you two were the only ones in this world with no one to intervene in such a peaceful moment he has with you.
           You watched the petal rotate and awed in admiration as a flower’s petal is able to spin like wind wheels. 
           “Hey, Venti,” You called out to him and peered down to peek at his sleeping face. Your lover hummed in drowsiness before opening one of his eyes to look at you. Dragging the flower close to him, he shifted to get a proper look at what you’re holding.
           “What flower is this?”
           You’ve always been a curious one. Even before you were in a coma. It’s like you have a passion in you to know every single thing about this world. From small creatures to rare species of beings in the wildlife, anything that catches your interest and you're eager to know more about it.
           Your drive to find answers is one of your unique traits he’s grown to love the more he’s with you. You create yourself in that fire of ongoing need that focuses everything that you are. And you do it because it feels as if the finding of the answer is your personal mission, your reason for being, your way of belonging and giving.
           It came to him if your curiosity will cross the line. Will it come to you that he’s been hiding his identity from you? Or will you still continue to live life with him in pure denseness? Either way, if you managed to find out he’ll find a way to have you forget what you witness. 
           For now, he has to be cautious and prevent you from exploring the outside world. Especially if that traveler is around in his land. It’s no good if you meet him. With the help of the humming winds to let him know what’s happening, it occurred to him that he has to just patiently wait and prevent you and Aether from crossing paths.
           Venti held your soft hands in his palms and took the flower from you. A small and gentle smile appeared on his face as he leaned forward and pressed his temple against yours, placing the plant close to your chest.
           “It’s Windwheel Asters.” He answered and observed how your eyes sparkled in joy when you watched the petals continue to spin.
           “I haven’t seen these before.” 
           Venti lightly chuckled and placed the flower between your hands as he returned to resting himself against you, but this time his head was now on your shoulder. “Windwheel Asters cannot grow in places with no wind nor plagued by strong storms, only where the wind is gentle and nourishing.” 
           “Really?” You laid your head against his and fiddled with the stem. If these floras are really unable to grow in harsh winds, then it means Old Mondstadt’s storms have truly vanished without any traces left. 
           Peace and harmony at last. 
           Freedom is finally with you.
           You lifted your hand up against the sunlight and marvel at how simple it is. It may not look as fancy as the cecilias nor does it resemble feathered wings of a dandelion when blown away, but you found yourself liking this more than what Venti had given you.
           It’s not like you don’t appreciate his efforts for collecting every cecilias and dandelions in this region to create a wonderful garden for your eyes to fancy with, you still are grateful for it though you do wonder why did he not include these asters in the collection?
           “I kind of like this. It reminds me of you.”
           Now that made him fully awake.
           “Me?”
           The color-infused cheeks dimpled with the blossoming smile, your eyes shone in a way that only deep happiness can bring. It was the blush of roses, that peek of champagne pink. Nodding your head to him, you brought the flower close to your face to cover your flushing features.
           “You were always fighting for freedom. If it weren’t for you, we won’t be able to see the skies and birds you’ve always wished for. I really admire your perseverance and passion to fight against my father to have the city liberated from his hands. Thank you. Thank you for revolting against him. Thank you for giving everyone freedom they’ve longed for.”
           You suddenly felt your throat tightened and your breath hitching every now and then. With your shoulders shaking and chin trembling, you fear he might see you in such a vulnerable state. You lowered your head even more and let your hair cover your face. Even if you hide it from him, Venti can still see small drops of liquid falling from you until it turns into a small puddle on the back of your hand.
           “[Name]…?”
           “Even though I’m Decarabian’s daughter, you never looked or treated me differently. Even after the war has ended, you never leave me. And now father, mother, and the knight… they’re all gone and y-you survived. You still stayed with me until I woke up…  I… I was so scared that once I awoke, I won’t be able to see you.”
           You were wiping your cheeks every few seconds and gulping down the lump sitting on your throat. Sniffling quietly, the tears still threatened to spill from your eyes. Your lover gently clutched your hand and used his other hand to lift your chin up to look at him.
           Your eyes were red and swollen. It shatters his heart seeing you like this as your tears split over and flowed down your face like a river escaping a dam. Using his finger to dry your damp face, he brushed his lips on your temple and laced your fingers together.
           “I should be the one thanking you.” He muttered and brought your intertwined fingers up to his lips to kiss the back of your hand. “Without your support, I don’t know how things would end up. If he— if I hadn’t saved you back then, you’d be locked up in that tower. Things would go differently, wouldn’t they? I can’t bring myself the idea of leaving you there when they were chasing after you.”
           He pushed you until your back was leaning against the rough trunk of the tree. His other arm was propped beside your face before he rested his head on your shoulder and nuzzled closely.
           “Thank you. Thank you for always being here with me.” Even though his voice was muffled, you can hear him loud and clear through your teary state. A shaky smile came from you as you caressed his hair lovingly before leaning forward and wrapping your arms around him.
           “I love you. I love you so much, Venti.”
           He has lived long enough to know that what you share he can’t replicate it with another. This love, this feeling, is just you and him. He could travel the world and the seven regions to create new ballads; he’d still come right back at you if he wanted true love. 
           He has protected you for years, he’s your confidant, a true friend, and even a lover. The trust he gave you, you gave him, is what keeps both of you safe in this world, in this life. So whether his heart beats another day or another hundred years— it’s always yours.
           Meeting Venti was more of a coincidence than a fate. Yet it was the first time in your life you felt like you could be yourself around him. Memories of meeting him have become the same as the dream you play time and time again. You felt good with him in a way you haven’t been before or since.
           Hearing those three eternal words from you is surreal for him. His heart would beat madly and his stomach churn in such a way excitement and happiness is filling his entire system. He wants to hear from you again.
           Just once more so he can finally have you all to himself.
           His chest was burning hot and so was his heart that rapidly beats in great euphoria. He can sense your emotions when you cry but this feeling… it’s much more different than he had felt before. A burning desire. He’s so smitten of your entire existence. All words coming from you were all his, he grasps each phrase and corresponds with his own loving and affectionate words.
           He was brought out from his trance when he felt how warm his palm is, and it’s when he became aware his hand was now placed on your cheek just like how he brings your hand to cup his face. 
           Venti felt his face heat up at such a simple gesture and when you give a short and quick chaste kiss on his lips, he recognized the first brightest and sweet smile for this day was painted on your graceful visage.
           “I love you.”
           His wish was heard when you repeated your confession at him. Is it finally working? Were his efforts finally paid off? Before Ludi Harpastum was the Windblume, a festival where they offer windblumes to their loved ones and to the Anemo Archon. Every year, every time Mondstadt celebrates Windblume, his first priority is to give you cecilias.
           He collected them for you every year. He tends them very well until they bloom— until your eyes opened. For him, windblumes are the cecilias. A symbol of elegance, purity, and just as ethereal as your gentle heart. It may be different from what that really means as interpreted by the people of Mond, but for Venti, he feels freedom when he’s with you, he feels loved when he’s with you and it’s the reason why he gathered so many flowers for you while you were asleep.
           The arrangement given to him by the former Dendro Archon— she proposed the idea to him to gather flowers for you every time they feast Windblume. He can still clearly remember her words, her voice echoing in his head saying that even she may part from this world. 
           Her predictions for her own life were accurate. As if she already expected this to happen to her and that’s why she’s planning ahead to list all the preconditions to him to keep you safe and harmless. Barbatos can’t keep relying on her on everything and that is why he put a lot of effort into maintaining the garden.
           Yesterday night was the time of the ceremony. Venti prepped everything to make it perfect, he wanted it to be successful. A mimic of a dance he once saw when he and you were together ages ago, it was a secret you both hid but he knows this. Barbatos knows what happened during that time and pretended as if he weren't there.
           But now that he was able to dance it with you, one would call him shameless for stealing you from him. The heavy weight on his shoulder was now lifted away, finally free from the guilt he’s been feeling for centuries. His inner battle with himself is fully resolved, inner conflicts vanished, a conflict between his love and longing for you.
           Your words eased Venti and made him assured you love him back as well. If you haven’t said a single word about your own feelings, he’d be living in an illusory fantasy that you were only shy to tell him you love him very much. But ever since the bond has been created, all he hears is I love you’s from you for his ears to delight in.
           “I love you,”
           You repeated once, a faint brush of your lips against his made him shudder. Soft, gentle, and shy just like your personality. Twice when you parted away, grasping how he tastes like apples before meekly leaning on him once more for a kiss but with more vigor. Your hand clutched the front of his shirt when you felt him hold you the small of your waist to pull you against him.
           “I love you.”
           Thrice was words of tenderness and desire from you to him. At that moment, you felt your body flushed warm. This was a person you wanted to be with than you’d ever felt before. 
           Venti has always been the one you could love forever.
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@trust-the-oxygen​
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babybottlepop96 · 3 years
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Rumors (Eren Yeager/F!Reader) 18+ only
Warnings: SMUT! minors DNI! Mommy kink kinda, overstim. Sub!Eren, Dom!Reader.
This is the most graphic smut ever, but its still there.
You awoke to a loud bang at your door. You jumped upright grabbing your blanket as if it was the only way a potential robber wouldn’t harm you. Suddenly, you felt the weight of something right on top of you, you squeaked quietly and heard a muffled, slurred voice apologize. But the weight didn’t move, obviously the voice wasn’t speaking to you. As you were about to say something, a female voice moaned out, causing your cheeks to redden. You were shocked, who in their right mind wonders into someone’s room and starts fucking on their bed. Especially when the owner of said bed is trying to sleep in it. “Excuse me!? No fucking in my bed!” You shouted above the mess on top of you. Some weight was lifted off you and the light switch turned on, illuminating your pale green bedroom. “Armin?!” You squeaked as the small blonde boy’s face reddened and his ocean blue eyes widened in horror.
“Oh my god! I am so sorry (y/n)!” He quickly apologized, but as it was, you were in no mood for apologies. You pointed to your door and he hung his head and quickly left the room, the girl he was with right on his tail. With the door still open, you hear the boom of the loudspeakers and the voices of many people in the lower level of your parents home.
“Jean.” You mumbled as you stood up, the silky fabric of your nightgown reaching just above your knees and one strap falling off your shoulder, you marched down the steps in search of your obnoxious twin brother. “Where the fuck is that bastard?” You asked yourself, looking around the sea of all the other college kids home for summer vacation. Suddenly you see a friendly freckled face and march up to him. “Marco, it would be in your best interest if you told me where your boyfriend is.” You glared and he visibly gulped when he saw you. He pointed to the area where a group of people gathered around cheering and making drunken bets. “Thanks.” You pushed your way through the group and stopped when you reached the beer pong table. “Jean!” You shouted above the cheering causing the game to pause and everyone to look at you.
“Hey! What are you doing here? I thought you had to work tonight?” Jean asked, setting his ball on the table.
“I told you this morning that my manager was sick and gave everyone the night off.” You huffed, crossing your arms across your chest, inadvertently making your breasts look fuller.
“Cool! Join the party then!” He smiled and you frowned as he began to toss the ball, you grabbed his arm as the ball was about to leave his hand, causing him to miss. “Hey! It's rude to interrupt someone during a game!”
“It's also rude to be awakened by your drunk friends trying to get laid in my bed while I’m trying to sleep in it!” You snapped back, clearly frustrated by the lack of sleep you had. All that earned you was a laugh coming from Jean and his competitor.
“Oh, come on, (Y/n). I bet you're into watching people get off. I bet that's your secret kink.” You slowly turned your head to the boy across the table. Eren Yeager, the school's bad boy, the man bun, cigarette smoking, tattoo covered bad boy that all the girls seemed to swoon over.
“That is entirely none of your business, Yeager. But to satisfy you, no. I do not find watching Armin fuck another girl to very satisfying.” You glared daggers at him, turning your head to the side quickly, facing your brother once again. “Keep your friends off the second floor. I would threaten to cut your dick off, but we all know Marco’s the one who does the dicking in the relationship.” The earned laughs from everyone except Jean. You walked away and headed back to your bedroom. You closed the door behind you and turned off the lights. The music from below muffled, but you were already too far gone to go back to sleep. You couldn’t help but to remember the way Eren’s beautiful green eyes darkened when you saw him looking at you. The way his bit his lip slightly, the way his arm muscles tensed when he listened to you talking. Your door slowly pushed open, slowly illuminating your room. “If your here to fuck, this room is off limits.”
“Then how about we take this to your parents room?” A deep voice answered back.
“Eren?” You asked sitting up, “What the fuck?!” He closed the door behind him and came to hover over you. “You know if Jean catch us, we will both find ourselves in a well in the middle of nowhere, right?” You asked as he started to kiss your throat.
“Jean is too drunk to notice anything, babe.” You giggled as his breath tickled your skin. You then flipped yourselves around, straddling his waist. You slowly licked from his exposed collarbone to the shell of his ear, earning a shaky moan in response.
“Now, Eren. You know you have to ask for what you want.” You teased by slowly grinding your hips against his hardening cock.
“Please, Miss.” He whispered out.
“Please what, Eren?” You asked, grinding once again.
“Please, touch me.” You loved how much control you had over this God like man under you. Having to keep your relationship secret in fear your brother would do something horrible, you heard a lot of talk about how other girls think Eren would be in bed. Most would say that they thought he was a beast, rough thrusts and a grip that would leave bruises. Bite marks and hickeys everywhere. That he would be the biggest dom in the world. And how you wished you could tell them the truth. In reality, Eren was very much a sub. He loved when a woman had enough courage to dominate him. Leave him a mess in their wake. He loved when a woman took control, god it got him hard. Not to mention that his orgasms were more powerful when they got him to cry. Overstimulation and orgasm denial were a couple of his favorites. He also loved when a woman would sit on his face. Controlling him on how he should use his tongue to please them. He loved it.
“If that's what you want baby, then momma will deliver.” You slowly slid off his sweatpants, his dick popping up. “No boxers baby boy? Hmm.. seems like someone really wanted momma’s attention didn’t they?” You asked, a smirk on your face as he nodded quickly. You licked his dick, base to tip, tip to bottom.
“P-please!” He hiccuped, not being able to take your teasing any longer, he had to put up with it all week, everyday, multiple times a day, you had given him blue balls. Telling him that if he touched himself once, he wouldn’t get sex for a month. And he wanted to be your good boy. Oh how he wanted to be your good boy. “I-ive b-been such a g-good boy! P-please!” He begged, tears starting to cascade down his sun kissed skin. You stopped and smiled at him, wiping some tears from his cheeks.
“You’re right. You have been my good boy this past week, haven’t you?” You straddled his hips once again, hiking your nightgown up, revealing the hidden fact that you were not wearing anything underneath. You align yourself with him, his breathing picking up before you begin to sink down. “But you do not cum until I say so, I know you can hold it, right?” He nodded again, just wanting to feel you. You fully seat yourself onto him, both of you letting out a loud groan. You immediately began to bounce, you wanted and needed this just as much as Eren had. He always filled you perfectly, always hitting your special spot no matter what position you were in. His hands gripped your hips tightly, moaning and groaning with every bounce. He watched as your breasts bounced in front of his face.
“F-fuck!” He moaned, trying so hard to keep himself from finishing, he knew he didn’t obey, his punishment would be much worse. You suddenly clenched around him, your orgasm coursing through you, like a damn breaking.
“Cum for me Eren!” That was it, one last bounce from you and he decorated your inner walls with pretty white streamers. He cried out your name, tears still falling from his beautiful green eyes. You collapsed on top of him once you rode out your highs together. “Fuck babe, that was hot.”
“Shh… Naptime.” He mumbled. You giggled as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you to lay on his chest. You smiled as you heard your best friend and wonderful boyfriend fall asleep. Oh how you wish you could put those rumors to rest, but for now, you were happy. You closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep.
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spacedikut · 4 years
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how to ask a girl out ; spencer reid
pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x reader
summary: elle sees an opportunity to teach spencer about asking a girl out. 3275 words
a/n: based on this scene. this is the longest fic ive ever written so sorry if it’s a painful read 
Spencer feels creepy staring at you like this.
There’s no other way to put it. He feels like he’s twelve again, the youngest in his Las Vegas high school, staring at all the pretty girls that get his heart racing just by existing. But you’re more enchanting than those girls. He could watch you do anything, he thinks, because no matter what you’re doing you look picture perfect, like you don’t have a single bad angle.
Spencer still has the social skills of twelve year old him, though. Especially when dealing with cute people.
“You know,” The voice makes Spencer jump, “If you stare long enough, she just might notice.”
Elle is smirking with her arms crossed, shooting Spencer an incriminating look. He tenses.
Seeing his discomfort, Elle relents, “I’m teasing, Reid.” He visibly relaxes against the door frame he’s half hiding behind, half leaning against.
“I’m not trying to be weird.” He mumbles. Elle thinks he sounds like a kid that was caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
“I know you’re not. Have you… spoken to her?”
You’re somewhat new to the unit. Some kind of assistant to JJ who joined several months ago (three months and three days, if Spencer counted correctly) (he did), which means the team don’t see you that much, just enough that you’ve been the topic of discussion a few times. It doesn’t help that JJ sings your praise, and Hotch recently revealed you made yourself available for babysitting his new-born if he ever needs it. Every time someone mentions you, it’s followed by some kind of compliment. Everyone loves you. Spencer has said all of five words to you, and he’s smitten.
“Hi. I’m Spencer. A doctor.”
When you were introduced you didn’t pay him much attention. He can’t blame you, it was overwhelming for you – being introduced to a whole bunch of FBI agents and then thrown head-first into sorting cases for them. But Spencer paid attention. He couldn’t tear his eyes away. Derek’s caught him staring one too many times, but it isn’t Spencer’s fault he can’t stop thinking about you. You enter the room and Spencer’s attention is pulled to you, like a magnet.
Derek thinks it’s time he made a move. Spencer agreed and maintained that confidence for all of fifteen minutes, until he heard your joyful laugh dance down the hallway and his tongue felt too heavy to form words.
That’s when Elle noticed.
Across the room, you’re laughing at something Derek said with JJ. Seeing you smile makes Spencer smile, and Elle nudges him.
“Have you considered approaching her? Rather than, you know, watching her from afar like she’s prey?”
Spencer huffs, “You think I haven’t tried?”
Every time he’s moved to start a conversation, he finds himself unable to complete a single sentence. After he says hello, then what? He dies?
Elle breathes through her nose in frustration. “She’s a nice girl. I’ve spoken to her a couple of times. She mentioned the other day she wants to visit the local museum, since she just moved and hasn’t really explored yet. Shame no one is available to accompany her, right?”
“Are you implying something?”
“Yes.”
“I-I don’t. I can’t-“
“You can’t or you won’t?”
Spencer’s always admired Elle’s ability to be blunt and fearless. But he isn’t Elle, Elle isn’t him, so to him it doesn’t feel like he simply chooses to pussy out of talking to you – it feels like he’s physically constrained. Like he’s fighting against the tide of the ocean to reach you, and he keeps getting pushed back, further and further away from you.
Elle’s eyes shift between you and Spencer, like she’s watching a tennis match. “Just go up and ask her. It’s that simple. If she says no, she says no. No big deal!”
Spencer shakes his head, “I can’t do that. It’s Y/N! She’s-she’s-“
“A normal human being. You know, like you and me? The second you start putting people on pedestals is when things start falling apart.” She pats him on the shoulder as encouragement, “Have some confidence, Reid.”
And she walks away, as if just telling him to have some confidence will make him suddenly have the courage to whisk you off your feet.
He wishes he could whisk you off your feet.
+++
The paperwork is never ending. Times like this, Spencer considers recanting his stance on technology – maybe having everything on an online database would be a good idea. The stacks upon stacks around him would agree.
A paper ball hits the back of Spencer’s head.
He turns, slowly, and Elle gives a wave from her desk. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Can I… help you?”
“Yes, you can.” She nods to the paper on the floor, “Read it.”
He leans and grabs the ball from the floor, opening it with furrowed brows.
Step 1: Actually talk to her.
Suddenly, Elle is standing right next to him, looking all-too-pleased with herself. She leans over him.
“What does this mean?”
“You wanna date Y/N? Talk to her. That means marching right up to her pretty little face and saying more than, like, a few words to her. You need to have a conversation with her to let her know you’re interested.”
Elle’s clearly confident in her plan, but it seems she’s forgetting an important detail – this is Spencer that she’s dealing with. Not Derek, who can charm anyone out of anything (or into anything), not Hotch who, when he wants to be, is the smoothest criminal ever. Not even Gideon, with his soft eyes that make anyone that stares into them feel safe. He’s Spencer Reid who, according to one guy, looks like a pipe cleaner with eyes.
Spencer’s hesitant to take any of Elle’s advice.
“What would I… say to her?” He asks. If he does talk to you, what does he even say? Do you even want to talk to him? What if you immediately hate him and JJ beats him up? She could do it. He’s seen her guns.
Elle looks at him incredulously, “Reid! C’mon! Anything! Ask how her day has been, if she had a good weekend, are there plans for this weekend… Literally anything.” Spencer gives a look of distrust, “You’ll know if she’s interested, trust me. She’ll reciprocate. If she doesn’t, she’s not up for it, and there’s your answer without even asking her out.”
At that moment, you and JJ appear from thin air, whispering to one another with your arms full of files. Both Spencer and Elle’s watchful gazes follow you right up until JJ’s office door is clicked shut and when you can only slightly be seen through the blinds, Spencer still stares. Elle hits him over the head.
“Pay attention!”
“She’s distracting!”
“She walked by you, not gave you a lap dance! Focus on the plan!”
With a sigh, he looks back to the crumpled paper in his hands. “What’s step two?”
The paper’s yanked out of his hands and Elle furiously scribbles something before handing it back to him.
Step 2: Make her laugh.
“I can’t do that.”
She scoffs, “Reid.”
“People laugh at me, Elle, not with me. The only way she’ll laugh is if I make a complete fool of myself and when I do that, I’m running away and never looking back. You’ll never see me again.”
Sick of the self-deprecation, Elle leans close to Spencer’s face and begins to whisper menacingly.
“Listen, bud,” She threatens, “You need to stop being so hard on yourself. You’re young, you’re inexperienced – that’s why approaching Y/N is so terrifying. Not because she’s out of your league, or you’re not good enough, it’s because you’ve never done this before. It’s simply a fear of stepping out of your comfort zone, so stop being so hard on yourself.”
Spencer isn’t sure how to respond, silently wishing something could get him out of this situation. He’s not used to being complimented so ferociously.
God answers his prayers. In the worst way possible.
“Incoming. Make her laugh, Reid.” Elle says, slinking off back to her desk.
Spencer quickly realises you’re approaching and his hands grip the armrests of his chair. He’s not ready for this. He wishes he had time to prepare, maybe google how to woo a woman, but you’re in front of him, all precious smiles with a manila folder in your hand.
“Hi, Doctor Reid.”
Your voices sounds like heaven. He can’t help but think, despite only listening to classical music, he could listen to your voice and only your voice if given the option. It’s like honey, sweet and smooth, and something inside him stirs. Everything about you is lovely.
He clears his throat and nervously wipes at his nose, “Hey. What can I do for you?”
“I was told to bring this to you,” You hand him the folder, “And JJ wanted me to check up on you. She said you’ve been working non-stop and that you probably consumed your bodyweight in coffee with enough sugar to give a small army diabetes. My guess is she wants to check your heart is still beating.”
Spencer laughs at that, which encourages you to giggle along. He freezes when he sees the way your eyes scrunch and smile widens when you laugh – he’d only seen it from a distance, up close it feels intimate and causes his throat to tighten. When your laughter dies, you’re left with an awkward silence as he stares. You shuffle your feet.
Elle is trying to look like she isn’t paying attention, but in her head she’s screaming at Spencer to say something!!!
“Sorry for disturbing you if you’re – um – if you’re busy.” You gesture to the mess on Spencer’s desk, and it’s then that he realises how his silence could’ve looked – to him, you quite literally took his breath away, but to you? He’s a weirdo that is still holding the file mid-air and hasn’t said a thing for far too long.
“No! No,” Spencer brushes his hair back, “Thank you for the file. JJ’s right, I should probably take a break-“
He looks up then. This is his chance, right?
“Are you busy right now?”
You glance around and your eyes find JJ’s office, where she’s signalling for you to come over, “Yeah. Sorry.”
It feels like a punch in the gut – is this rejection? – but there’s a look of sadness that crosses your face. Your mouth falls at the edges and your brows slightly crease – do you wish you weren’t busy?
If Spencer didn’t feel like he’s seconds away from vomiting, he’d ask. Maybe. That sounds a whole lot like flirting and he isn’t sure he can handle that.
You quickly leave, not before you tell him to look after himself (his heart swells), and the second you’re far enough away Elle is marching right over and throwing the paper at him, again, even though she’s standing right in front of him.
“She rejected me.”
“Yea- wait, what?” Elle starts to celebrate, but stops at her words, “No she didn’t. Did we see different things?”
“It sure felt like rejection. Felt weird.”
“That was the perfect chance to ask her to go out after work or maybe on the weekend, but, in your defence, that’s a Derek-level response and we’re not quite there yet. Step three, go.”
Spencer unfolds the paper ball begrudgingly, wondering if any of this is actually worth it.
Step 3: Get JJ to back the fuck up.
Spencer laughs.
“Either you tell JJ you like her assistant and ask for her help, or you tell JJ you like her assistant and that she needs to stop using her so much.” Elle sounds matter-of-fact and confident.
“You want me to tell JJ to stop giving her assistant work?” Spencer asks, face scrunched.
With a shrug, Elle says, “Or you could ask her to help you. She knows the most about Y/N.”
Looking up to JJ’s office, he realises how true Elle’s statement is. JJ knows you better than anyone else here, you’ve quickly become good friends, and JJ wouldn’t lie to Spencer about you if it involved his feelings. He trusts JJ like that.
But then you throw your head back in laughter, a hearty laugh that JJ follows with her own tinkling chuckle, and Spencer is reminded of the sinking feeling he’s had when he’s been rejected before. The emotional slap in the face that causes you to lose all confidence. In his head, he rationalises that attempting to ask you out is pointless. You won’t like him, scrawny profiler who follows his team members like a lost puppy, the guy unable to maintain eye contact for more than four seconds. The logical side, however, the side that runs the show when Spencer is on a case and hides his feelings, tells him he has nothing to lose. Morgan would be proud of him, not ashamed, because Spencer had the guts to ask someone out – Spencer! Elle would understand and tell him something about learning for next time, and the rest of the team wouldn’t really care.
He has nothing to lose and everything to gain. A date with you? A relationship with you? That’d feel like winning the lottery. It feels more likely than winning the lottery, too.
Then Morgan walks past him, more like swaggers, all good looks and charm and everything Spencer doesn’t have.
Spencer decides he’ll save himself the rejection.
+++
JJ gets involved without Spencer realising. He connects the dots on the way back to Virginia, after a case in which you were brought along instead of JJ.
There was a “family emergency”, apparently, after the debrief and right before take-off. Although it wasn’t your first case, it was your first time travelling with the team. When you pad in, sparkling eyes gliding all around the jet, Spencer zeroes in on the gruesome scene photos to avoid being caught staring.
You fit into the role flawlessly. It’s like you were born for the part, effortlessly slipping into the job of communicator between the team and the police force, standing fearlessly in front of the press as they piled on the pressure.
In the conference room where the team set up, he noticed you actively try to stay out of the way whilst simultaneously help in any way you could. You offered coffee every two hours (Spencer counted), cleaned up any and all rubbish the team left around – burger wrappers, useless post-it notes – and mothered the team by reminding them they need breaks, too.
At the hotel, you jokingly poked Spencer in the shoulder and said, “No more coffee for you. You’ll get a sugar rush and won’t be able to sleep.”
“Like a toddler?”
“Exactly like a toddler. Straight to bed for you.”
You grinned at eachother before you separated to go to your rooms. Around three am, Spencer instinctively went to make himself a drink but stopped and thought of you. He decided for that night, just that night, he could get a somewhat decent amount of sleep.
Now, on the flight home, Gideon pauses before his move in their third game of chess to stare at something behind Spencer’s shoulder. When he notices, Spencer turns to see what has his mentor’s attention and stutters when it’s you. You, looking like you’re straight out of a cheesy romance movie when you push your hair back while reading your book.
Gideon switches from staring at you to staring at Spencer.
“She’s a pretty girl, huh?”
Spencer knows where this is going.
“Elle told me you’re sweet on her.”
“Elle shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Elle has been watching you two the entire case.”
“Elle-“
Gideon clears his throat, making Spencer finally make eye contact, “You scared? Worried?”
“About what?” Spencer asks.
“Rejection. If she’ll laugh in your face, say something about never wanting anyone like you.”
Sometimes, Spencer is terrified of Gideon’s ability to read people. He swears he has this inhuman ability to take a peek into people’s minds, read their most intrusive and negative thoughts, and confront them about them. Like he’s doing to Spencer now.
“Something like that, yeah,” Spencer murmurs. He shuffles uncomfortably in his seat, “It’s your move.”
“I know.” Gideon nods to you, making Spencer look again, “Don’t you think, in twenty years’ time, you’d want to look back at this moment and be glad you asked? No matter the outcome? Rather than wondering if she’d said yes, asking all kinds of what-ifs…”
“You’re telling me to ask her out?”
Gideon gives Spencer a smile that fills him with confidence. He doesn’t know what it is, but he trusts Gideon with his whole life. If he tells him to go for it, then he should go for it, right?
“I happen to know the Virginia museum is having a deal on tickets if you order them online. Might be something to look into.” He sounds borderline smug now.
With one last look to Gideon, he stands and slowly waddles to the chair opposite you.
“Mind if I sit?” He asks, a hand gently resting on the back of the empty seat. You startle slightly at the unexpected voice, but gesture for him to sit with a smile.
“How are you feeling?” You wonder, squinting slightly as the sun shines in your eyes. It makes them sparkle, and Spencer has never understood wanting to drown in someone’s eyes until that moment.
“Just glad the case is over. You did a great job, by the way, filling in for JJ last minute.” Spencer is surprised that his voice doesn’t crack or stop completely.
You beam at the praise, “Thank you. JJ’s got some big boots to fill, even if it’s for one case.”
He shrugs and pulls a face as if you’ve said something ridiculous, “Don’t sell yourself short. When she realises how good you are, she’ll start taking all kinds of holidays.” He jokes.
He can’t help but grin when you laugh.
Elle passes. In the very brief eye contact they make, Elle’s eyes are wide and jumping from you to Spencer, Spencer to you. She’s sending him a message, and he bets Gideon is watching, too.
“Hey,” He starts, leaning on the table between you. You instinctively lean closer, too, which Spencer takes as a positive sign, “How would you.. like…”
He has to take a second to inhale a shaky breath and nervously push his hair behind his ears. You wait, all patient and divine, and his eyes dash around your face.
“To go to the museum with me?”
It comes out rushed and you look confused. “Huh?”
Spencer tries again, after clearing his throat, “How would you like to go to the museum with me? When we get back. As a date.”
“You’re asking me on a date?”
“…Yes?”
If you weren’t staring directly at him, he’d think you were making fun of him and about to unleash a nice bout of rejection.
You move one hand to lean your face against, moving in a little closer, “I would love that.”
Spencer is speechless. You would love that?
“Oh- wow. Yeah, thanks. Good.”
Who says thanks when someone agrees to go on a date with them?
You giggle.
“We’ll plan when we get back?” You ask.
“Yes. Definitely.” He nods three times.
You can’t help but bite your lip, he’s too cute, and it immediately draws Spencer’s attention.
Behind you both, Gideon turns to Elle. “Success.”
Elle rolls her head against the back of her seat and stares out the window, “Step four: Get Gideon to get the job done.”
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• Randvi x female reader 💋
a sapphire for your heart, part IV
Morning found you wide awake and restless. Your bedding was a mess on the floor and you were lying on the fresh straw which filled your bed. Nausea threatened to spill with every little movement you made; nausea from lack of sleep, and from overthinking. But with a bit of effort you managed to push yourself to sit and wash down the bile with a jug full of lemon water.
The day was promising. It seemed a lot of passers-by had stopped by the docks to bring news or tend to various local business, and many curious young men and women were flocking around Reda’s tend of exotic wonders. You made a careful selection of your own items and brought them outside for the visitors to see and admire, and eventually purchase. Saxon women were especially interested in your variety of colorful fabrics; bright teal, gold, and crimson shawls which powerfully contrasted their otherwise somber outfits. But it was your natural charms that convinced reluctant men to buy expensive gifts for their wives and daughters, and by noon you nearly sold out everything you’ve selected for that day.
All, but one.
It was an emerald green, pure silk scarf, beautifully ornate with golden threads and precious garnet beads. You were offered a hefty sum for it, but you declined with a smile and neatly packed it in your bag.
There were several locals and guests in the longhouse, chatting and enjoying the first course of their supper. Among them, you spotted a beautiful Viking with bright auburn hair and a jug of mead in her large hand. She was accompanied by several friends whom she chatted and laughed with; perhaps it was not the best of times to speak with her. But before you could take your leave, a dark-haired woman waved her arm and asked you to join them at their table. Randvi turned her head to look and when she saw you, she smiled the most beautiful smile you’d ever seen. Your heart raced like a hummingbird, sending little thrills of excitement through every cell of your being.
God… you were bewitched.
“You must be Sapphire! I’m Petra, it’s nice to meet you.”
The woman who beckoned you grinned as she made room for you to sit next to her, and right across from Randvi. You fiercely battled to keep your emotions hidden, to appear collected as you spoke with the people who would accompany you the next day in your treasure hunt. You’d be a group of five, with Petra helping you explore paths safe from dangerous wild predators, and the other three were warriors meant to protect you. A small, but capable group. You drank in their names, clashed jugs with them, and with Randvi, and promised a good journey tomorrow. However, there was a troubling feeling gnawing at your thoughts – the fact that she wouldn’t be there with you.
Soon, the longhouse was full of people dancing and singing, and enjoying the pleasant company of one another as they feasted. In the overwhelming loudness of cheering and music, you excused yourself and went outside to get a breath of fresh air. The night was crisp, sobering you up and lessening the ache at your temples.
“Were we too much for you?”
Your heart jumped at the sound of a beautiful familiar voice caressing your ears. When you looked back, Randvi was standing right behind you on the wooden porch. The light from within cast a glow upon her tall, godly silhouette, making her appear holy. You tightened the hold on your bag, momentarily deciding to postpone gifting her the shawl.
“Not at all. It was the smoke, it stung my eyes.” You answered with a smile.
She slowly closed the distance between you, and with a kind palm at the small of your back she encouraged you to walk with her further away from the longhouse. It was a simple, ghostly touch which lasted a moment, and yet it set your heart ablaze.
How cruel fate must’ve been to plant the seed of desire so deep into your core, only to watch you twist and struggle against the shackles of sapphic love. The way Randvi seemed to glow beneath the pallid moonlight was enthralling; the whole blanket of shimmering stars reflected in her deep cobalt eyes.
“How do you like Ravensthorpe so far?”
She asked.
You glanced at her briefly; beside the lingering smell of smoke in the longhouse and her anguished cries in the night, everything was perfect! But you wouldn’t dare say that out loud.
“It’s lovely. I’ve never been to a Viking settlement before. Your architecture and clothing designs are breathtaking.”
“Clothing designs?” She echoed, slightly amused; perhaps it was the mead.
“Yes. The fabrics you use, the intricate patterns and choice of color… the carvings in your shields and weapons. It’s beautiful.” You confessed with a smile. The way you spoke of her traditional wear made Randvi’s mirth dissolve into surprise.
There was a knot in your throat and your chest felt heavy, as if you were about to spill all the thoughts and feelings you’ve been silently enduring since the day you’ve been acquainted with her. The sound of the river reminded you of her pained, secret cries; you wanted to ask why. Yet all you could do was stand very still as you slowly lost yourself in the depth of her intense, beckoning gaze.
“What else do you like?” She inquired as she shifted from one foot to the other and crossed her large arms over her bosom. Her authoritative pose caught you off guard – heavens, she was a force you could not resist. Your gaze lingered on her dazzling eyes, and then slowly followed the trail of her sharp cheekbones and perfect jaw, all the way to her full lips.
“Your spirit.” You answered. “How your people fight – courageous, almost reckless, unified and strong. There’s something about you…”
Randvi’s interest slowly seemed to grow as she listened. You locked your eyes with hers again, and this time you couldn’t look away. It was beyond sinful to have certain thoughts about a married woman, and yet her allure was stripping you of all reason. If Sigurd was there, he’d probably raise a fist against you, and you’d be crazy enough to challenge him.
“I want you to join us tomorrow.”
Suddenly, you spoke.
“On the hunt you mean? I’m afraid I cannot. There is work I must tend to, here.” Randvi declined, albeit she was pleasantly surprised.
“Whatever work you have cannot be more important than such a great find – I want you to be there, to see the gold for yourself.” You felt as if you found a small grip on her will, and you weren’t about to let go. Something burned deep within you; a flame which would consume you whole if Randvi would refuse you again. Thankfully, she promised she’d consider it.
Delighted, you turned your head to hide a smile in the crook of your shoulder. All of a sudden, tomorrow seemed like decades away.
The graceful Viking walked you to each and every house of Ravensthorpe, introducing you to their current stores and notable landscapes to admire. The abundance of colorful flowers and their sweet smell was intoxicating, lulling you closer to Mother Nature’s chest. There was a soft bed of moss right beside the pool at the base of a waterfall, and that’s where you sat down to tell each other stories.
“Norway's mountains are quite treacherous. It snows heavily most of the year, and unless you’re an experienced tracker, you’d surely find your demise in those steep valleys.”
She spoke with a smile as she fondly remembered her homeland. You were intrigued, absorbing every word and watching her attentively as you learned about the Aurora Borealis and the myths of Odin and Freya, and ragnarok. How fiercely Asgard battled against Jotunheim, and how humans eventually outlived both gods and Jotuns. It was easy to picture these fables coming to life when Randvi told them in such refined detail and with so much confidence. There must’ve been a grain of truth to her words.
“Ymir's tear… I would die for that stone. I’ve heard stories of that gem scattered all over Asgard.” You sighed as you leaned back to stretch over that soft moss and gaze up at the night sky, in awe. You felt those precious blue eyes on you, yet you didn’t dare look, fearful that you’d lose yourself in them all over again.
“Sapphire is a very beautiful name.” She spoke, and you smiled.
“That’s not my birth name…” You confessed.
“Oh?...”
“When I was six years of age, I had this… feeling, as if I knew something was beneath my feet, pulsing, calling me.” You begun your tale and Randvi lowered herself on her side, watching you.
“I had this uncontrollable urge to dig, to see what lured me in and never let me sleep. I broke four of mother’s spoons trying to tear apart the dry, hard soil.” A brief laugh escaped you as you reminisced.
“At last, my older brother stole a shovel from the neighbor one night, and by morning we dug a hole thrice our size. The neighbor was furious, and mother was about to smack us when she saw what we did to our yard.
But then… beneath the damp, muddy floor of the cavern we dug, I felt it again. That urge, that call; I ripped the soil apart with my bare hands, and out I pulled a little satchel. Inside it were two sapphires. I can see them now… shimmering in the light of dawn… they felt sharp and cold, and fit perfectly into my hands, as if they were made for me.” You bit back a smile as you turned your head and saw Randvi, in all of her beauteous glory, propped on her elbow and watching you in awe. Her eyes were just like the sapphires you fell in love with.
“And then?...” She asked with vivid curiosity.
“Mother sold them to buy a farm. And when I was nine summers old, a cart with two travelers stopped by and took me. They promised mother silver, and that I’d be returned by fall with a bag full of precious stones. But… when we returned… We found the farm abandoned, burnt to the ground.”
Randvi’s gaze seemed to soften with sorrow, yet your grin never faltered as you shook your head.
“I kept on traveling, I saw the world. They called me Sapphire ever since, and I forgot my birth name as the years went by… The world, Randvi… it’s so beautiful…” You pushed yourself to sit, drawing closer as you whispered to her.
“Come with me in the morning, let us explore and travel together...”
Her auburn lashes fluttered, as if she was awoken from a trance. She took a moment to think, to find her words or collect herself; but when she turned to meet your gaze again, she answered with a nod.
“I will. I wish to see you dig for gemstones, to see your blessed hands pull treasures free from the earth.”
Your chest swelled with joy, and all at once you were buzzing with excitement.  
-          To be continued…
*part V.
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ravireyes · 3 years
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ravi’s instagram — the 2020 birthdays, part iv. — marcus reyes
my husband turns 31 today.
marcus reyes, you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars. i'm sorry that i can't stop saying the word husband every chance i get. i reckon i'm 3 years away from saying "hubby" unironically and i'm sorry about that too.
i woke up feeling sensitive, i guess we can blame scorpio season for that (cursed). not bad sensitive, though, good sensitive. don't worry (i know you will). and it got me thinking of the first time i cried in front of you. i'm not a big crier, we both know that, i think i can count on my hands the times i've ever sobbed in my life. 
it was probably some time in early 2017, we had a date night, still freshly-announced official partners, mere months into this brand new thing. we went out to the theatre, because i asked you to take me. mind you, i have never liked musicals in my life. not one. and yet, the idea of having an excuse to dress up and be taken out like that just thrilled me. it was the glitz and glam of it all, and the idea of being seen with you, i guess. i told you i never needed a ring or any kind of proof of our love, but i'm not going to deny i enjoy parading around with your hand on my back.
well, we went for phantom of the opera, which in hindsight is a bold choice for two people who couldn't care less about theatre. i don't think i even understood the story for the first hour of it, but then! then this number comes up, the song is called "all i ask of you". christine and raoul are declaring their love for each other on a rooftop, beautifully orchestrated music starts to swell.
god, i certainly did not care for the play before, but suddenly i was paying a little too much attention. "let me be your freedom," he sings, and that was the first punch to the gut. "say you need me with you, now and always," she sings back. "say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime," he asks, and she asks him the same on the next verse. i was weeping. which was honestly pretty embarrassing for a date so early into the relationship, and for someone who claimed to be such a non-crier.
i'll spare everyone from quoting the entirety of the lyrics here, you can give it a listen later. to summarise, it's about this couple coming together, and how all they ask of each other is love. to be loved. raoul waxes poetical about keeping her safe, christine goes on about her fears and her woes, they both offer the other everything, and they don't ask for much in return. "love me, that's all i ask of you". the song builds, and builds, and peaks in this explosive moment where they belt in unison "anywhere you go, let me go too -- love me, that's all i ask of you". and the song fades out with them, mellow and soft.
god, i cried a fair bit, quietly. my heart hammering away in my chest, tears gathering in my eyelashes. but see, it was confusing, this cry felt different from anything i could compare it to. again, not a big crier, but i had cried watching romance once before; when i was a lonely teenager living in a shitty flat in a corner of the city, i bawled my eyes out watching pretty woman. and back then, it was just that, being a lonely kid. wanting love, yearning for something i could never quite get my hands on, feeling like i wasn't made for it. this cry wasn't like that. because i had you.
you leaned closer and whispered to ask if i was okay. i sniffled, and wiped my tears, and stubborn as ever i said i was just coming down with a cold. you were sweet enough to not call me out on a blatant lie, but you squeezed my hand really tight and didn't let go for the rest of the night.
i cried because i finally got it. i finally had what every movie, every song, every play was written about. i cried because you, with your warm heart and your hands that feel like something sacred, you loved me. and you taught me how to love. i know you did, because i've never felt like this for anyone before.
so much of me, i owe to you. i think you really put me back together, when we first met -- that's what you always do, you put people back together. you bear the weight of the skies on your shoulders, and you still have time to hold all of us in your arms, too. a knight, a protector, you wield a sword but you never let the weight of the armour crush you, because you're good like that. you're strong, and tender. you're patient. you're my home, my safe haven, my lighthouse. i thank the stars every night for whatever led me to you. i think i'd be doomed to a life of agony if we'd never met -- quite frankly, dear, i don't like to imagine a world in which i can't reach for your hand over every table, across every bed, in the middle of any play.
you are the best person i've ever met. you are the love of my life, my better half, my entire heart. i am so proud, and so grateful, and so happy to be your spouse. happy, happy, happy, you just make me so happy and i can't shut up about it. i'm happy you took another trip around the sun, and that you chose to do it by my side. i can't thank you enough, for loving me. and for being you. i love every corner, every crevice, every line of you.
anywhere you go, let me go too. please?
i've written enough now, i need to go back to putting together your surprise breakfast in bed. thank you for sleeping in, for once (you're welcome for actually tiring you out last night to make this a possibility). i hope you love your presents. and me. i hope you always love me. that's all i ask, and all i need.
i love you, always.
happy bday, @itsmarcusreyes !
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martyrgargoyle · 3 years
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Upon reading your pinned post I feel as though fans of celebrities should not pressure celebrities into activism. If they want to use their platform for an important cause then that's great but they should not be forced to. Because at least when they want to you'll know it is genuine and has good intentions. However if they don't want to or mock the cause you'll know their horrible stance and that will be genuine too.
(pinned post being explaining the Tyler Joseph platform joke and history of racism in 21P) please forgive me if im reading this wrongly or you meant something else, dm me or send another adk but 'forcing' is a very bold vibe and sends the wrong message.
first, im speaking from the privilege of being white and saying what ive seen and heard from POC fans - especially from Black fans due to the platform joke being a direct mockery to BLM. so if anyone reads any of this and take it to heart please let it be to go to Black members of this community and to actually read and listen to their voices on him being racist and racism in the emo community. dont demand to be educated by them but fucking listen to their experiences.
second,,, Black fans weren't pressuring anyone. they asked a rich, cishet abled white man to show support as they're literally having to protest just for their right to be alive and he ignored them until it was time to exploit their fight for a shitty joke. the fact they had to even ask and it's seemed acceptable if 'the celebrity doesnt see their fight as something worthy for their platform its their right and we shouldn't question it' is an issue in general that gets ignored too. its shitty he made the joke but it was shitty when he ignored them in the first place and let his racist fanbase attack anyone that was disappointed or angry at him not doing anything.
21p (and the emo community in general) 'big themes' or message is support for the mentally ill until it comes time for Black fans - especially teenagers or young adults since its the age group the music is generally catered to. then we all fail them because its centered around white tears. anytime a POC is vocal on how theyre being neglected by the fanbase or being mocked by the artist (all tylers previous racist jokes that white fans excused, for example), they get attacked and driven out of the community.
no one expected tyler joesph to be a leading ally, Black fans literally just asked for support and to not ignore the suffering white privilege causes... and tyler made it a joke and then made himself the victim so Black fans would again, be attacked and told theyre overreacting or demanding too much by asking for him to not be racist. pretending that showing support for Black lives being this big burden or obstacle for him or any white celebrity is wrong. hes a rich white cishet abled man. he isnt facing any dangers or fears by showing his support. he isnt going to be killed, get blacklisted, get evicted, lose his job, or anything. the only reason he didnt do anything is because hes racist, no excuses.
you cannot have good intentions if you ignore Black lives to make it a safe space for white people only or because you deem their liberties unworthy of being vocal on beyond a shitty punchline. just like how you cant be a good ally to POC if youre not actively working on being anti-racist and unlearning the privilege you're born with. and if youre not fighting for their rights in your daily life because you got the privilege of being less likely to be targeted for it or face those risks
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