#stuff like this keeps happening with just about everything i ever get into. for the love of god i just wanna enjoy smth for once

[tinydefector]

Do you think cybertronians ever get a bit freaked out on how tough we are? Yes they can break us like toothpicks but humans seem to be able to take a good beating as well with adrenaline helping. Even our own body and oxygen trys kills us and yet we stick around like roaches. We're fragile in some reasonable and dumb ways and then resilient in the most dumbest ways.

Oh definitely, alot of the bots are very off put by how fragile humans are just in general and tend to avoid them.

But then there's the moments like Ratchet working a late shift and a small knock on the door alerts him someone's there, he turns around expecting it to be Rodimus or Whirl who he's about to scold but instead it's one of the humans and they look worse for wear. After fussing over them for a moment, detailed scans relay fractured ribs, a broken collar bone, and a heap of bruises and yet the humans just like. "Can I have some Panadol, Nurophen, and a glass of water?" Because they don't know what else to do its what they would get. Most of the times they ended up in the hospital. Ratchet is losing his God dawn mind as he rushes around looking for the best painkillers he can find for orgaincs in the smallest dosage he can give, hoping to primus it doesn't shut their heart down. In the end, they end up on a medication that makes them extremely drowsy, almost like the green whistle/ Weed.

Ratchet ends up doing alot of study on the human body and realises just how fucked up little monsters we are. We literally need oxygen to survive but he we have to much pure oxygen it will kill us. Water, we need a certain amount of it, if we don't have enough we will get dehydrated and die, if we have to much we will get water poisoning, intoxication, or a disruption of brain function. This happens when there's too much water in our cells, such as the brain and blood cells, causing them to swell. When the cells in the brain swell, they cause pressure in the brain, resulting in death. The issue is that it can become an addiction to drinking too much water for the effect it has on the body. Same with nearly everything we consume, it can kill us, but we need a lot of it in moderation.

Human: "I just need some basic pain killers and a nap"

Bot: "No, you need full surgery, sedations, and 3 weeks of recovery!"

Human: "nah she'll be fine!"

Bot: "Absolutely Not, bed now before I cuff you"

____________

Following that imagine a first contact AU where Cybertronians and humans are just slowly getting to know how the other works and next thing a human is kneeling over in horrific pain and it send the bots all into panic mode trying to help them, wondering what's happening and thinking they are dying. And the human after about ten minutes some pain killers still looking rather pale and unhealthy just go. "Sorry about that fuck I hate, Cramps/palpitations/ phantom pains/ and such" and the bots are just looking at them horrified like.

Bot: NOT NORMAL!!!"

Human: what you talking about?

Bot: everything that just happened you literally just short circuited!

Human: nah that's causal wait till you see the really funky shit.

______________

Human pet AU

Cybertronian's keeping humans as pets is like humans keeping hamsters. Humans are some of the most homicidal, suicidal and just deranged creatures that Cybertronian's could keep as pets. It's gotten to the point that they are a luxury/ exotic pet because if you do not feed them the right stuff, give them the right amount of light and socialising, and they will just die. There are so many Cybertronian's who take their human into clinics worried as and its just the human being a little bustard because they didn't get the treat they wanted 2 weeks ago and are still holding that grudge. Not to mention, we are prone to causing as much trouble and issue. We are like cats.

But we are also very easily sick and primus forbid a human gets sick because to a bot they think it's a death sentence for their sweet little spitfire of a human who they have had now for ages. And the human looks ready to die, and the next day, they are up and about like nothing ever happened.

Human: if you don't feed me the meals I want I'm going to pretend to die. If you do feed me what I want I might actually die because I shouldn't be eating it.

Panicked bot: "MY HUMAN HAS GOTTEN SICK. HELP!?!"

Human: totally worth it.

_________

In conclusion, the cybertronians are rather wary/ concerned about how resilient humans really are.

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#transformers #transformers idw #transformers x reader #transformers x human #transformers lost light #mtmte #transformers prime #rodimus #ratchet #megatron idw #megatron transformers #bulkhead #beachcomber #bumblebee #breakdown #knockout transformers #jazz transformers #transformers drift #soundwave #starscream #shockwave #prowl #pharma #perceptor #optimus prime #mtmte ultra magnus #tailgate #transformers cyclonus #whirl

[tgmsunmontue]

Where do I know you from? 10/10

Hangster crackfic (that kind of turned serious and then hurt-comfort). There are too many Jakes and Bradleys for Jake and Bradley to be dealing with. Or the Universe is just as fed up with them being blind.

PART ONE PART TWO PART THREE PART FOUR PART FIVE PART SIX PART SEVEN PART EIGHT PART NINE

PART TEN

                “Well, that made for a more dramatic exit than they needed,” Six grumbles, but he’s already cleaning up the broken teacup. Maverick is definitely crying, his grip on Rooster white knuckled, but Penny has stepped in close, and Rooster is handing him off, his own eyes red. Jake turns away sharply, doesn’t want to be caught watching such a vulnerable moment, even if a version of himself was at the center of it all. Not that he’s there anymore and he wonders what made him disappear. He’ll ask, if the opportunity arises.

                There are only four other pairs of Rooster-Jakes now, Three, Five, Six and Eight. It’s far more manageable to keep track of, and he’s kind of missed what has happened with everything that’s been going on. He can ask some of the others later, because he can see Halo and Phoenix gathering their things, all the female versions of himself and Rooster have also apparently gone and the idea that there are female versions of himself is still unsettling.

                “We’re heading out. You want a ride?”

                “No, I’ll be okay. Thanks though. Javy’s here.”

                “This has been… educational. Good luck with the ones that are left…” Phoenix says, eyes quickly darting around the Hard Deck before settling back with Jake. She slaps his arm and then walks away and he shrugs, looks between Jakes Three and Five and Jake suddenly misses Thirteen, despite not even knowing him very long. He rubs at his face, because he’s trying to be more honest with himself. He wants a Rooster that would be like Thirteen. With him. He’s not going to get it, so he shoves the want down and does his best to ignore it, walks over to Roosters Three and Five, who are both still working on their spreadsheet.

                “You planning on leaving your spreadsheet?” Jake asks, and he’s only half teasing, because now that he’s feeling less overwhelmed he’s interested in taking a look.

                “I took photos of it. And made Jake take photos. And then we emailed the photos to a couple of different addresses. Plus I took some photos of other stuff earlier,” Five says, hitting the palm of his hand with his phone.

                “Did you do that too?” Jake asks Three, because he feels like it’s something he’d do.

                “Uh, no. I don’t have a phone with me,” Three says, and he’s shooting his Jake a quick look, like he’s worried he’s about to get an earful.

                “Did you lose it or just forget it?” Jake Three asks, looking resigned and also softly amused and Jake shoves the wanting down further.

                “Pretty sure I just forgot it and it’s at home.”

                “Because being transported to an alternate universe is an acceptable reason to lose your phone,” Three’s Jake says dryly, and Three grins widely, then he’s leaning forward and pecking a kiss against Jake Three’s lips and then they’re gone. Just like that. Five blinks and looks at Jake.

                “I don’t think he remembered that would happen when they kissed…”

                “They’re back where they belong,” Jake says, and Five looks a little bereft, like he’s maybe lost a friend, and he guesses him and Three did pretty much solidly stick together the whole time they were here. It’s only been a couple of hours though.

                “So, we don’t know what’s going to happen when we’ve all gone back to where we’re meant to be. Whether you’ll forget this ever happened, or it’ll become a hazy memory, or remain something weird and crystal clear. It’s not like we have any experience to call on, and the ones who have maybe had the closest have already gone back…” Bob says and Jake blinks at him and does a little double take.

                “You… know about this type of stuff?”

                “I like sci-fi,” Bob states, and both Rooster Eight and his Jake are grabbing Bob in a hug, telling him how he’s just as great in their universe, before turning to Jake.

                “We’re going to head out. Home? Away? We’re going to go,” Eight says, and his Jake is nodding, but not before he grabs Jake in a tight hug, words whispered in his ear he’s a stubborn shit but he wants to be taken care of just as much as you do. He pulls back and nods once, sharply and Jake finds himself nodding back. That message, coupled with Thirteen telling him to be patient is making him think that maybe he just needs to dig his heels in and out-stubborn Rooster. He has always enjoyed beating him at things.

                Then Rooster Eight and another version of himself are kissing; it’s not a soft peck like Three exchanged, but a tongue filled exchange with hands on faces and then they’re gone and Jake is left with Five and his Jake, the spreadsheet clutched in his hand. Six is at the bar talking to his Jake, along with Maverick and Penny. Rooster, his Rooster, is walking toward him, looking hesitant for some reason and Jake quirks an eyebrow and tries to smile, although feels it probably looks pained. He moves away from the others, wants to have the chance to talk to Rooster without anyone else listening in.

                “Hey… how does it feel to be the center of a tear between alternate universes?”

                “Really fucking weird. You seem to be taking this whole thing better than me. Looking out for everyone and making the best of this…”

                Jake shakes his head, because this isn’t normal by any stretch of the imagination, and he can’t imagine making light of any of this, not now.

                “Just doing my level best. I’m… sorry about the photos. I didn’t think he’d be able to show you photos.”

                “No, don’t apologize,” Rooster says, shaking his head. “It’s okay. It was… weird. But good. They’re my parents, but they’re not my parents you know? But seeing them in those photos? Older and happy? It’s nice to have that image at least, not just my imagination of what they might look like.”

                “Yeah…” Jake says, thinking of the photo he saw of Laura. “I know what you mean.”

                “That Hangman, the one that was here by himself…”

                Jake swallows roughly and nods, realizes he might not even have to ask, that Rooster might just offer up what he might have said to him. The other version of him.

                “He… he’ll be okay. I told him that I didn’t want him to waste the life he had simply because mine had been cut short in his universe. That as annoying as he is I wouldn’t have wanted him to drown himself in guilt or stop living. That the mission had already taken two lives and it didn’t need to take a third one.”

                “Jesus Rooster.”

                “Then I kissed him and he… said thank you and then kind of… melted away.”

                Jake sucks in a breath, throat tight as his eyes prickle as he thinks about what could have been and he’s reaching for Rooster and just wrapping his arms around him into a tight hug, fingers curling tightly into the fabric of his hoodie.

                “Losing you was not an option. Not for me.”

                “You think it was for him?”

                “No. Not at all. He’s unlucky. All it would have taken was a buckle not already done up and I would have been too late as well. I didn’t need to see dozens of different versions of you to know that I’m lucky to have you alive.”

                “Oh…”

                He pulls back from the hug, not surprised to feel Rooster already withdrawing.

                “Leave them alone you idiot! They’re finally talking!”

                “It feels rude to just leave without saying goodbye!”

                “If anyone is going to understand, it’ll be alternate versions of ourselves.”

                He glances over his shoulder and Six and Jake-Six are standing there awkwardly, clearly wanting to go and Jake steps up and grabs his counterpart in a tight hug, glad when he’s hugged back just as tightly.

                “Don’t forget to tell her.”

                “I won’t, not matter how unhinged it’ll make me sound.”

                “Not out of the ordinary for you then,” Jake says to himself, because his sisters give him shit and this Jake has those same sisters. His answering grin is warm, then he’s offering his fist for a fist bump and Jake knocks against it. Watches as they kiss and turns to find Five watching it all, his arms around his Jake, chin almost resting on top of his Jake’s head he’s just that fucking tall. His expression is a little sad and Jake realizes that they’re the last ones left.

                “This whole experience has been fascinating. No idea what caused it but I look forward to reading into potential theories when I get home…” Five says, and then he’s hugging Jake, and he tucks himself under Five’s chin, just to see what it would feel like. When he glances at Jake Five he seems to know what he’s thinking and is looking smug. Ass.

                “Lead good lives. We wish you all the best…”

                He doesn’t have time to say anything before Five is ducking his head down to kiss his Jake firmly and then they’re gone as well. He’s the only Jake left, and Rooster is still there, also looking a little rattled and he knows the universe is trying to tell him something, and if not the universe then all the other versions of himself have told him. He has to try again.

                “Do you think the universe is trying to tell us something?”

                “I think multiple universes are trying to tell us something…” Rooster says, his body tense and Jake blows out a long breath.

                “On the carrier, right after the mission… What did you think I wanted?” The look on Rooster’s face is incredulous, like he can’t believe Jake is dumb enough to be asking such an obvious question. “Humor me. What do you think I wanted?”

                “Sex.”

                Jake winces, because he can appreciate why Rooster might have thought that. His relief and joy that he’d saved him had been overwhelming, forcing him into uncharacteristic actions and kissing Rooster in the sickbay of all places. He hadn’t exactly stopped to talk. He shakes his head, looks away, can tell Rooster is studying him but doesn’t want to meet his eyes, feels far too raw after everything that has happened in the last couple of hours. Then Rooster is speaking.

                “I was high on pain meds, concussed, thought my godfather had died, accepted that I was going to die over and over and then lived through it every single fucking time… I wasn’t ready to get on another rollercoaster ride, especially if it was only going to be over in a matter of minutes.”

                “Wasn’t just sex…” Jake says, voice quiet. “Isn’t just sex. What about now? You want to take that rollercoaster ride?”

                “Depends. Am I getting on it alone?”

                “You were never getting on it alone.”

                “Oh.”

                Jake looks then, Rooster is watching him, eyes hopeful and he wonders if seeing all these versions of themselves coupled-up is making Rooster more open to considering and accepting Jake at face value. There might not need to be any need to dig his heels in and needing to out-stubborn him at all. Rooster is stepping into his space and kissing him and Jake revels in it. The scrape of his moustache, his hands on Jake’s waist tugging him closer, tongue licking into Jake’s mouth and he presses back. Lets his own hands go, one reaching for Rooster’s curls, running through his hair and then just cradling the back of his head, other hand curving around the swell of an ass cheek. Then there’s a cough and he pulls back an incremental amount to see Bob and Maverick looking at them but also looking uncomfortable.

                “You two are actually going to need to drive home. No magical transportation for you, you’re already in the right universes. Just… this isn’t the place.”

                “Come home with me?” Rooster asks, and Jake nods, finally feels like he’s in the right place.

#Hangster #Sereshaw #Top Gun Maverick fanfic #where do I know you from?

[centeris2]

A reminder that those SSO horse candles will exist, hopefully for a limited run because of how much they are being slammed. It’s not going away until those candles physically exist and are for sale.

Originally an April Fools joke or not, their “expert panel” are real horsey instagramers who no doubt cost a LOT (businesswomen, international/olympic level riders, tv personalities, they’re not SSE or SSO connected doing it for free like Elli and Helena). And they’re posting about it, possibly because it’s a product/promotional deal they will get a cut of. I’m not tracking their instagram stories, but so far at least one video post has gone up. Given SSO didn’t give an end date for picture submissions or when the candles will be released I expect the other two will post about it when there are more details. God only knows how much those three women cost SSE (and how many comics or novels that could have paid for instead).

Be vocal, complain to SSE and to their Support inbox, and directly call out their Marketing team for coming up with schemes like the candles. Their marketing department either doesn’t care or is really just THAT out of touch with what the fanbase wants. Think #ReclaimHorsegirl (oops we meant Ride With Us haha we bite people we’re so quirky!), or JoJo Siwa (love her but that was a flop in terms of helping the game in any way), or that time they made Star Stable Stories (remember that fever dream that looked like a scam??), or the numerous times they didn’t credit Elli on comic posts. Those were all Marketing. 

#sso #don't mind me I'm talking #and not knocking those three ladies I'm sure they're lovely but they're 100% getting paid #which they should be but like #that is not a good look SSE after what happened #you ever watch a train wreck in slow motion except you're standing in a crowd #but you're one of the few people in the crowd who knows was some of the stuff INSIDE the train is? #so you're just bracing for how bad the wreck is actually going to be once people realize just how HOW ridiculous and bad it is #once everything comes out if it does come out #but in the meantime you're just watching the train with the rest of the crowd barreling toward disaster #that's how I feel #that's how I've felt for a while but I keep learning more and more about the contents of the train #and just going 'ooooo that's uh. oh boy. oh dear. can't wait for everyone else to find out about this.'

[dekarios]

You can talk about it and I don't think you ever stop missing dogs. I lost one this time last year and still miss her and I still miss the my dog that passed in 2012 too. They are family as far as I am concerned and you will probably always miss her.

Hope you are well and if you need to talk about it please do.

thank u this message rly helped

#fray.txt #ask #Anonymous #i miss my pippy too and i still talk about her like shes with us and send her pics when i show my dogs #and shes been gone awhile now.... i dont actually keep track of the dates ngl #i feel like toos just . touched me in a way that . idk . she was my therapy dog she was everything to me . #when i was at my most delusional i thought we were literal soulmates and spiritually connected and stuff #and when i was at my lowest i told her that im gonna stay alive for her. and that when shes gone i'll go too #its so hard breaking a dumb promise i should have never made #but life without her is so considerably worse . getting up out of bed is agony. doing anything just sucks #i cant do Anything without someone encouraging me cuz she would follow me everywhere without fail and shes not there anymore #i still have her beds in my room #i dont have her toys anymore cuz i buried them with her. she took one of my favourite blankets too #god i wish i could just . loop the last 10 years for the rest of my life #never ending cycle of getting her and losing her #i would do it again and again and again . she was the best thing that ever happened to me

[hecksupremechips]

Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩

#the klock keeps ticking #yttd #i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks #but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD #i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin #i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr #first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with #all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying #and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so #good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all #like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad #he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP #and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just #being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how #well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler #and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end #and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts #cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish #but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like #the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries #and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer #and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive #and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori #and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent #and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse #he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA #im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad #and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof #I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN #have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes

[anaalnathrakhs]

i keep looking at posts like "i stopped a binge" "i prevented a binge" and all of them are like. "i waited until the urge went away". buddy. the urge doesn't go away. there's no urge. there's just nothing else to do. i don't have anything else to do. every time i stop eating no matter how long i sit with the feeling or not, i always go for more food because there is genuinely nothing else in my life. nothing is enjoyable anymore. the world sucks. no matter what i force myself to do it's the only positive thing i can ever find.

#like okay cool i let the people around me guilt me into eating whatever they think i should be eating #i get it. i'm so fucking stupid for missing out opportunities to try new food. i should never buy the same food twice. #i should always buy all the variety i can and try everything. #i'm so stupid for having eaten the same stuff in a loop for years and years #i'm a massive fucking weirdo for not eating when other people are eating #i keep stealing food from my parents and the people around me i keep taking way too much of stuff intended for a group #nowhere i go will be free of obligations #i have to keep buying my own poison because everywhere i go there's other people's food waiting for me anyway #my parents keep looking at me like a freak no matter if i eat dinner with them or not #they see me binge and nothing happens #we just ignore it #i just eat until Designated Eating Time is finished #hunger doesnt ever have anything to do with it i just eat when food's in front of me #i need the ritual i need the structure it brings to my life #both meals with other people and my ritual binges #i dont know what to do with myself when i'm not binging #and it's like i'm not allowed to not want food #to other people #it's like i must necessarily want all food and anytime i refuse it's restriction #my friends are always like ooooh you can grab some of my fries if you want #or oooooh do you want the rest of my cookie #or ooooooh and how about you are you ordering something #and i'm like :) yeah sure :) like anybody else would :) #and to myself. to myself i don't know. i think i just want to give up. i want to suffer and i want to fuck up so badly. #so badly that no one can deny i need help #i want to be proven right. i'm just a little weakling and all i'm good for is to haunt the halls of a mental hospital. #no responsabilities no pressure nothing but a pitiable suffering victim #i want somebody or something to swoop in and save me #but nobody will come. it's my job to ask for reasonable help from the relevant authorities. and currently they can't offer that care. #so fuck me i guess

[sapsolais]

!

#i love driving *so* much. like i was made to move i think. i was made to Go #i could do it for hours. days. just keep going and going. coasting. racing. cruising #i learned to drive stick today. and i drove down a highway that was pretty empty. and it wound through hills. groves of trees #tall grasses. i passed a winery and a small town or two with populations of only a couple hundred. large fields and farms #cows and horses. a rodeo fairground #it was beautiful. and no one was around. and i just drove and it's my favorite thing ever i think #god. it's like swimming in a moment. does that make sense? it's like i have nothing to worry about #and i love driving as the sun sets. i also love driving in the city at night when everyone is moving and living and doing all sorts of stuff #i love the lights and the smell of cold concrete. i also love the sun on my skin and wind through my hair and the smell of nature #and i love passing through it all. things slow down and speed up at the same time. i think i love it for the same reasons i love liminality #because that's also sorta what it's like #ugh #i hope someday part of my soul gets to fly a rickety old spaceship through the stars #there's an itch there that needs to be scratched. it won't happen in my lifetime but. maybe sometime later #anyways. i'm so glad i'm alive #sometimes i remember when i couldn't imagine myself older than 16/17 #and i think about all my favorite things i've experienced. and everything i want to do. and i hold it so tightly #i'm just glad i'm here #sap says

[hiraganasakura]

I'm having very mixed thoughts on the whole RT situation. On one hand they treat their workers terribly and so maybe I should be happy they shut down. But on the other hand, all of the 100+ workers are now unemployed and are just as shocked about it as their audience, and whatever company picks them up next probably won't treat them better by any significant margin (bcus that's just. how companies are)

Also obviously there's the whole thing about how my current hyperfixation for about two or three years now (RWBY) may not ever see a proper ending (and even if the property is purchased by a different company the result of it may not even be good), which is kinda selfish for me to be thinking about when ppl are literally jobless as a result of this, but I can't rly help how I feel ig

Anyway point being I'm going to be temporarily distancing myself from RWBY for the sake of my mental health. Again. Posts about it will be less common and I think I'm gonna block the tag for a bit. Sry guys :(

#original post #yk. just one time. i'd like a hyperfixation that doesn't provide me more stress than comfort #like i am BEGGING #stuff like this keeps happening with just about everything i ever get into. for the love of god i just wanna enjoy smth for once #honestly at this point i might have to actively search for a new hyperfixation cus idk how much longer i can take this #and ik how selfish i'm being rn bcus what i'm going thru is nothing compared to what the workers are #but like. i just needed to angry rant for a sec ig. #gonna go to bed now. night night #rwby

[cinna-bunnie]

bleh

#having a bad morning tbhhhh #i envy the ppl who grew up here :| it's so much easier to make friends when u went to school w ppl and grew up with them #i have been here since 2016 and was just trying to get stability the first 3 years financially/housing-wise. #and when i was Finally ready to start making friends the pandemic happened. #the closest thing I've had to friends were made thru my ex and when we broke up they ghosted me. #to this day i have not made a single genuine friend and i can't articulate how hurtful that is to think about. #and i get excited when i might have a new friend but do the audhd balancing act where i tone myself down so i don't scare them away #but then idk. maybe i just come off as uninteresting or indifferent. idk what the perception of me is bc no one ever tells me anything lol. #i just get ghosted a lot 😭 it's Literally so much easier to find ppl to fuck than it is to find friends. idk why this is so hard but it's #frustrating. everyone has lukewarm interest in me at best and i have so much to offer when I've opened up to someone. #and i can't rly talk w ppl about how I'm feeling. and i can't do anything but keep trying over and over or else i WILL fr have no friends. #it's just. like. I'm not a normal person w normal circumstances and interacting w people who already have a ton of friends and stuff #going on is hard. there's like this burning desire for companionship in u as the person NEEDING it that no one else has #bc they already have it yk? ur just kind of a footnote on everyone's day/week. u don't have that kind of relationship where #u can Just Go Over or just have ppl over. ppl can hang like once a month maybe. i hate it here but also don't want to leave :| #everything is great except trying to make friends. idk i just wanted to vent lol I'm done ranting and might just delete #but this feeling wells up inside me and some days is so hard to ignore 😭 #'i have been here since 2016 and don't have a single genuine Friend' what the fuck 😭😭 #ik that wfh doesn't Help but i wouldn't be able to get anything done in person in my position lol. plus it's less about where ppl are #and more about how relationships (dont) develop past a certain point. #i have someone I've been talking with probs longest out of everyone so far and we're gonna hang this weekend #but I'm also perpetually afraid I'm gonna scare them away or something and be back at square 1 😭 #and idk im afraid that might translate into seeming shy or something and I'd hate for them to lose interest anyways ._. #but idk how much of that is valid vs my brain just being mean to me and paranoid over my other experiences. #anyways... yea thnx for reading if u did. i feel crazy 😮‍💨

[loregoddess]

back on my nonsense (I'm replaying Three Hopes)

#between that and Houses it was the less mentally taxing to replay bc I don't have to keep track of as many things #also since my main thing is that I want to get class mastery for everyone in everything #the mental fuzz is real and I just wish things would Stop Happening so I could try to recover a bit of energy #until then though no new games bc I can't devote the time to really enjoy them only replays of stuff I don't have to think about too hard #and anyhow for as lackluster as the story writing is #Hopes is stupidly fun to play #like truly the ideal mix of Warriors and FE gameplay #and I'm on a harder difficulty to try and grind out more exp and hopefully I get more nonsense weapons #nothing will ever beat my favorite Gradivus w/ the +10 to basic and strong attacks but I might find some other nice weapons #also it'd be really nice to see if I could find this one unique battle quote I sweat I remember reading #bc I was thinking of making art for the FE rarepair thing and I'd love to use the quote if it actually exists in an art #but I have yet to find it in ANY of the current scripts but they're also missing a lot of optional battle dialogue SO #fingers crossed I didn't misread another battle quote bc of how hectic some of the maps get #anyhow I actually really do love this game a lot it's so fun to play #oracle of lore

[everymlmhybrid]

This is awesome just remembered I get to write the frottage scene soon assuming I actually write more than 4 words this week.

#.txt #long tags sorryyyyy #fellas do you ever offer everything you can to a man in a silent beg for forgiveness and let yourself accept that seemingly the only part o #you he's willing to touch now that he knows what you are is your dick but whatever you'll take what you can get. and it's selfish too but #it's also all you can offer short of turning your life upside down for him which you refuse to do. #fellas.......... do you ever fight against yourself for weeks because you want and need to forgive someone but can't figure out how. #you ever get torn between someone you care about and nearly have forgiven but you keep getting caught on the fact it's such an unforgivable #slight in the first place. so you take all that he offers but you can't bring yourself to forgive him until he's in front of you with his #hair sticking to his forehead and his hand shaking where it's gripping your bicep. #and seeing him be so open and vulnerable when he really shouldn't with you and really never should have AT ALL with you. makes it finally #click & makes it possible to wrap your head around ''I love him. he cares about me. he did one of the worst things possible. I forgive him. #OR WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don't quote me on ANY OF THIS I'm always fucking around with motivations and wants and #needs and desires to make shit work how I think is best for all I know this is all useless #I hate posting my writing ever even when it's just set-up stuff like <- all that. BUUUUUT also I need a copy of all that for tomorrow to #remember . what I'm thinking abt basically. SOOOOOOOO YOU GUYS GET TO SEE THIS :3 hope u like what goes thru my head constantly while I'm #stocking shelves. sorry for long vague tags and endless talking yet again just need it written down #*that he'll touch is your dick. I have no idea how that typo happened what happened there

[theshadowrealmitself]

Thinking about the Uchihas agreeing to an alliance because they’re tired and they wanna stop fighting and they just want peace

Thinking about how a Senju was their first hokage

Thinking about how their second hokage was another Senju

Thinking about how that Senju was the brother of the first instead of someone in the next generation that could help the village progress

Thinking about Tobirama insisting they’re cursed with hatred while he’s the one so full of hatred that he does everything he can to make their time in the village (that was made by both the Senu and Uchiha) suck

Thinking about how the third hokage was the student of the second hokage and he apparently believed the Uchiha were so far beyond redemption that he allowed them to be massacred

Thinking about how so many of the Uchiha we know about just wanted peace and for their loved ones to be safe

Thinking about how the last full blooded Uchiha doesn’t feel safe and happy in the village his ancestors made to keep him and the other Uchiha safe because all that village has done has hurt him and how that’s villainized

Thinking about how the most tragic part of Hashirama and Madara’s friendship is that for all Hashirama loved Madara and wanted to help the Uchiha, they would’ve been in a much better place if it wasn’t for him trying to force peace

#I have been in a hot car for two hours and I have two more hours to go #I am entirely made of sweat at the moment #possibly dehydrated #not able to focus on thinking #very sad because I keep thinking about the Uchiha #yeah I can’t stand Tobirama #‘oh they have the curse of hatred’ #it’s called TRAUMA you fucking dumbass #they have eyes that record everything perfectly like it just happened for them #and they use it for war instead of happy moments #how are they supposed to heal like that?? #maybe if you actually used your smarts instead of your biases you could’ve actually helped them #and then isn’t he the jackass who formed the council?? #the council that has been nothing but villainous the entire series?? #did this guy make any good decisions?? #and then almost all his forbbiden jutsu were used against the village #also how are you gonna trust a guy who makes so many jutsus that had to be forbidden?? #if Orochimaru had done half the stuff this guy did people would have just added it to the lists of why they’re such a villain #but Tobirama gets a free pass on everything??? #everything that guy ever said was just projecting #‘curse of hatred’ you’re the one full of hatred #‘needs to be isolated from the village’ coming from the guy who made edo?? how’d you perfect that jutsu a-hole?? what were *you* doing #to the villagers?? #Naruto #I’m sad and pissed over these fictional characters #I hate the sun #aaaaaaaahhhhhh

[raulfernandez]

...

#myself #vent post be careful #I really thought I was over thr car crash like I can drive without problem (more or less but I was careful even before it) #and I so genuinely thought I had gotten over it #but then when roaming trough my phone gallery today I found the pictures of my damaged car and now I keep thinking about it..... #like what would have been if I hadn't been it that lane would everything have been ok and my dad would have just complained about the cops? #and what would have happened if I had been going faster and they went straight into the drivers side?? #would I still be here??? #I don't know and I don't wanna imagine #but it made me so much more scared.... #and we were at the lawyer's office today to get them some of our things and the lady at the front desk told me about how she has been a bit #scared ever since she got into a car crash which made me feel a bit better like even 20+ years later she's still not fully over it... #which means I'm not overreacting #but like I'm seconds away from tears why does this only ever happen in the middle of the night???? #I'm so scared not even about me but about my parents and my brother like what would I do without them??? #honestly that whole thing changed my perspective of car crashes like in normal traffic but also in sports and stuff... #I hate it here. why always us? why always my dad and me?? #I'm so glad I wasn't alone in that car but I also just wished he wouldn't have had to go trough that...

[pepprs]

the way i am going to need to be tranquilized and sedated to get through tomorrow. god fucking help me

#purrs #particularly from like 1:30-3:30 specifically. i do not know how i will be able to get work done. i do not know how i am going to be able to #not fucking die. i really feel like i am going to pass out. i can’t do this i really truly genuinely cannot #every time i remember. like just… there are implications of this i have not even THOUGHT OF yet. that haven’t even crossed my MIND that are #still so engrained in my life and way of thinkjng and being. and i don’t know ifim gonna make her uncomfortable or panicked or guilty by #sobbing my eyes out not to mention other people witnessing that but there is NO WAY im gonna be able to not sob hysterically. this is #legitimatelt one of the most painful things that has ever happened to me in my whole life which says something about how much pain i have #experienced as a human being and how ridiculous it is that im freaking out over this LOL. but ummmmmm. this is……. this is so bad. i think #everything after tomorrow will be very hard (because i’ll miss her terribly) but it’ll be okay because it’s like this is the reality and now #we have to just like move forward and yeah im gonna have breakdowns on here abt how i feel like we aren’t properly grieving it or whatever a #and how i want time to like cope with it and not keep movi ng at 38472974mph WHILEALSO trying to not convey panic. but it’s been this #excruciating mindfuck of a situation bc she’s still HERE. STILL USING THE ‘WE’ THE DAY BEFORE SHE LEAVES! LIKE WHAT IS GOING ONBNNN THE COGN #COGNITIVE FUCKING DISSONANCE OF IT ALL!!!!! and like seeing her and having her stuff still around and whatever is um. it’s bad. it’s really #making it hard for me to accept that this is happening. so tomorrow is it then and we will drag ourselves through it and i swear to god i #will be hysterically crying. maybe even as i walk in and see her there knowing it’s the last time. LOL. like how do i not…. omgggggggg 😍😍😍😍😍 #this is so so so bad. why is this happening. not only is it embarrassing and humiliating but it’s like girl thisis an office this is work it #it’s really not that big a deal. BUT IT IS. TO US. TO ME. WHY IS SHE DOING THIS? i am about to punch the WALL. but nothing will help or make #it better until time passes or if she randomly decides not to do it. idk .i just can’t believe it. im so angry and sad and hurt and scared. #tomorrow will straight up kill me. it really actually seriously will. i don’t know how im gonna get through it. LOL #delete later

[wazzuppy]

i feel like ive just made things worse again

#tara says stuff #vent #messaged someone a few hrs ago bc we fought the other day and ive been feeling rlly bad over it #and i tried to explain how ive been feeling again but i just feel bad and anxious now and like a terrible selfish person #one of the reasons i dont tell ppl how i feel is bc any time ive ever expressed myself to someone its ended poorly #but if i dont then problems just keep happening #no matter what i do everything always goes wrong for me bc im so terrible to be around #i cant convince myself that ppl care about me anymore and i feel selfish for just trying to have relationships with others #and it just makes me wanna kill myself #i havent even gotten any kind of response and yet im already sure theyll hate me for saying anything at all #and im scared that by the end of the day ill wind up in the hospital bc i broke over it and couldnt control myself #i wish i could do something to make myself feel better or help myself somehow but i CANT #im trapped in my current situation and i cant do ANYTHING to get out of it #or at least nothing i wont regret

[aconstantallegory]

only just now do i realize i crank that avoidant attachment style up to 'oh... oh no......' levels what the...

#everythings adding up everythings adding up #from what caused me to be a system to... i mean. this #I DONT WANNA BE ALONE i want to be alone BUT NO-ONE ELSE IN THE SYSTEM WANTS ME TO BE ALONE they don't want to be holed up in my head #FUUUUUCK #how will i ever admit to myself that i need at the very least social contact #i dont wanna remember when i was 7-8 #and for so long i was always... alone #i never talked to my irl friends outside of school and the occasional party #whenever i stop running out of things to talk about with friends online i feel that sense of doom #why do i keep doing this to myself and the friends forced to stay in my head with me bros #at the ages 7-8 i was forced to be alone and emotionally stuff happened that kind of. figured out a sort of 'get out of reality free' card #and i 'learned' that trying to be close won't work or do anything and that was wrong but at the same time i thought i was supposed to be #good with it like that was my goal for the longest time #with the friends in my head that when they realized they too needed social contact went nuts but i kept saying 'no'... #i'm at that point of my life where i cant just ignore this anymore #it's only gonna get lonelier from here on out and i want to accept that i dont want to accept that i have to