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evermourning · 26 days

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timeless - yang jeongin ᯓ ᡣ𐭩

pairing: yang jeongin x implied afab!reader

genre: romance, multiuniversal!au, non idol!au, tons of different scenarios

warnings: language, infidelity, making out!!, suggestive, mentions of injuries/violence/war, jeongin being too perfect, based off of timeless by taylor swift

wc: 4k

summary: no matter how many lifetimes you'll live, yang jeongin will always find his way back to you. no matter the cost.

a/n: so sorry for my lack of posts! i am busy working on a BIG project 😈 this and one more oneshot will come out within the next few weeks! also, i referenced a previous jeongin fic in here! can you find it? ;)

The estate of Duke Christopher Bahng, 1521.

You sit at the long table, the revels of nobles and partygoers have become a muffled cacophony blocked from your ears. At the end of the table, Chris offers you a sheepish smile.

I apologize, he mouths, his dimples visible on one perfect cheek, I know you don't like loud noises.

It's not that Chris is a bad guy. He has never been cruel to you. In a world where someone like you has absolutely no choice in who you'll end up marrying, being engaged to Duke Bahng is one of the luckiest things you've ever endured. Chris is compassionate and sweet, and doesn't treat you like chattel.

But yet, the more time you spend with his ring suffocating your finger, you feel guilt slither over each bone in your ribcage until it has enraptured your heart, squeezing until you are absolutely sure it will bust if you exhale. You have to let him down. You'll have to tell him, one day, that you cannot love him the way he adores you.

Because you are madly in love with his younger brother, Jeongin.

At every single event like this, he is the anchor that keeps you grounded. When Chris looks away to laugh loudly and clap his best friend, Jisung, on the back, you steal a glance at Jeongin.

He looks so mature tonight. He wears a striking navy doublet threaded with gold, the colors of the Bahng family's coat of arms. Beneath it, his white sleeves are puffy, basically hiding his large hands. And as he smiles at you, you make a mental note of how his face is as perfect as ever.

His eyes cause you to melt the moment you meet his gaze. They are a deep brown, yet they glimmer with a resolute air of warmth, almost as if they are the light at the end of the tunnel that you've been searching for all along. His hair is dark and wavy, combed neatly. You know this because you had to wrestle with him for a good ten minutes before he conceded and allowed you to comb his hair.

Nobody in here knows your dirty little secret except you. And Jeongin, of course.

Normally, if it were anywhere else, he'd make subtle glances across the table, knowing just what to do to have you blushing in an instant. But tonight, he cannot. Because tonight, he is seated at Chris's side, a reminder that at the end of the day, he will never be able to live a comfortable life with you.

In the ebony depths of Jeongin's darkest nightmares, he sees you married to Chris, intent on creating a family and a home with him. He sees in his head your words of venom towards him as you push him away for his more talented and intelligent brother. The very idea of you consummating marriage with Chris has him waking up in a cold sweat.

But once the moon rises in the east, casting a dim, silvery light onto the polished courtyard stones, you are swept into a labyrinth of gardens until Jeongin is positive the two of you will not get caught.

The moment he is certain, his lips are on yours.

Jeongin is practically clawing at you, desperate for the saccharine sweetness of your lips. His long fingers entangle themselves in your hair, as if gripping onto the delicate strands will allow him to maintain some sense of human decency. The more his lips crash against yours, bruising and biting them, the more he can feel himself deteriorating into something almost primitive.

It is completely discourteous of him, of both of you, to let this behavior run amuck. You should feel some ounce of shame for sneaking around behind your husband-to-be's back with his younger brother, of all people. And yet, you cannot. Every muscle and bone in your body aches devastatingly, yearning for the boy you cannot have.

So you will continue to be two-faced. You are the perfect partner for Chris in the daytime, listening to him talk and guide you through life. But you'll always wake in his brother's bed. You'll always pen passionate sonnets to his brother and receive equally fervent soliloquies in return.

And when the time comes, you will write a note to Chris profusely apologizing for never loving him truly the way he cared for you. You will push down your fears about risk as you allow Jeongin to hoist you over stone walls draped in ivy in the loneliness of evening, hands intertwined as you run towards a new life together.

Nobody ever said finding your soulmate was supposed to be easy.

California, USA, 1849

The winter has been long, but you pulled through. Coming here was not easy, across barren prairie and looming mountains with barely enough food to survive. But it has paid off, in many more ways than you'd imagined.

When the news spread like wildfire about the possibility of gold on the West Coast, you were a little unsure if it was true or not. You didn't want to leave behind everything you knew for something hypothetical. But your husband believed. He hoped for a better life, not wanting to be the reason you were so blue. So you took your infant son, just the three of you, and went west.

You stand now in front of a beautiful house on the coast. It is two stories, preposterous for someone of your family's class, and is painted clean and white. The shutters are painted in hues of periwinkle, kindling a fire inside your heart.

Vividly in your dreams you remember first marrying Jeongin. He was scared he couldn't provide a life for you, for the one who had such a tight grip on him since he was a small boy. He knew his family wasn't wealthy, and he didn't want you to leave him, so he jumped at the chance to try and change that.

He believes God was on his side that day, after scorching hours mining and waiting by the river looking for something even akin to gold. Soil was etched into his fingernails, and his skin was tan from all the time in the sun. But he kept going, for you, and he found a hunk of gold.

It is worth it to him, seeing the delight on your face when he reveals to you the house he built himself. You were sixteen when you met him, dreaming of a big house on the water with white siding and blue shutters, and those dreams have come true.

Every single thing inside the home he’s created for your family has been created lovingly by hand. All the furniture on the inside has been built too, just for you.

You stand outside of it beside him, tears welling at the corners of your eyes. Your son is held tightly to your chest, and Jeongin wraps one arm tightly around your waist. You lean into him, a warm smile encompassing your facial features.

"Oh, sweetheart," you practically let out a broken sob. You cannot even begin to fathom the multitudes of love that seeps out of Jeongin when it comes to you. He adores your very existence, believes he's blessed by it.

It only makes sense that if Jeongin had any sort of divine powers, he would part seas and move mountains if they were ever a hazard to you. He has built you a home out of the ground, for fuck's sake.

It has been made inadvertently clear to you that you are so lucky that a man like Jeongin loves you.

Somewhere on the front lines of the Allied Forces, 1944

The world did not look this barren ten years ago.

Once luscious fields of verdant vegetation have now become trampled earth, soiled with fragments of weapons and bones. No longer do children play here. No longer do the birds sing. The only sound that will reach your ears anymore are the explosions and the screams.

Jeongin is relieved that he has temporary salvation. He sits upon a creaky cot in the medical tent, the clamor of the room still better than any battlefield. He sighs, and unbuttons the first two buttons on his uniform, rolling up the sleeves. There's a gash that hurts like hell down his forearm, thanks to the grenade he practically dove in front of to save his unit, and he's been waiting to get it wrapped.

His stomach lurches, however, as screams intensify. The 25th Infantry was ambushed. Doctors and nurses surround the soldiers carried in, and they start looking for empty beds. Time is running out, and so is availability.

His arm throbs, and he groans, clenching his teeth. Everything feels hazy. As Jeongin swims in and out of consciousness, he can hear the voice of the head doctor over him.

"Someone treat this boy. We ought to get him out of here for space."

He doesn't hear the rest, as everything goes black.

"Oh no, this won't do at all." someone tuts, and Jeongin blinks wearily. A doctor is standing above him, writing about his condition on a clipboard. "Are you awake now, Yang?"

He looks up to see the face of an angel above him.

You smell like gardenias and vanilla and everything he's yearned for since he stepped onto that dingy plane to come fight here. Your hair is neat, your skin is glossy and not covered in soot (like so many people he's met before), and your medical uniform is pressed.

He's so busy staring at you in childlike awe that he forgets to answer your question. When you tilt your head, awkward silence forming an invisible barrier between you is when it finally hits him, and his cheeks turn the color of blooming roses.

"Oh, um, yes. I'm awake." he stammers. You smile, and reach for his arm.

"May I?" you ask softly, as if a loud voice will make the wound worse. Jeongin's heart skips a beat at your words. Just by speaking to him a few times, you've entangled him in your web. And Jeongin is making no attempt to escape. "It''ll only hurt for a second, dear. I just have to check it out."

He nods, exhaling shakily as you lift his arm to check how much motion he still has in it. Once that's done, you examine the laceration.

"And how did this come to be, hm?" you ask, applying ointment to the wound. Jeongin grunts, and you place another hand on his shoulder to ease him through it. He hates how vulnerable you make him, but the feeling of you taking care of him is so appetizing. It's not enough for him. He never wants to leave your side again.

"I was an idiot," Jeongin grumbles with heated cheeks. He can't lie to you, but the reason he's in here is stupid. "and there was a grenade the enemy planted in the ground. It was like a millisecond decision, but I tried to move it away from us and it exploded. Nobody got killed, but a shard of debris got stuck in my arm."

He notices you're listening to his story in astonishment. His cheeks grow redder and redder. You probably think he's an actual dumbass.

"Are you kidding?" you say once he's finished. "You're a hero, Lieutenant. You put your life on the line to help your fellow soldiers. That's so honorable. Goodness, now I feel honored to be operating on you!"

As you begin to dress his wound, you make small talk with him, and Jeongin realizes that you and him have so much in common. You're easy to talk to and so sweet. You even are from the same city as him, for fuck's sake!

Eventually, you have to leave to aid another patient, but you can't help but lean in to whisper into his ear.

"I'll see you around, Lieutenant."

Jeongin blushes as you say this, and yet, he's so confused why you're so keen on staying with him. You could've been doing it out of pity, and you could've been working on anything else. But you devoted your precious time to him. And that's what makes him all warm inside.

It's December of 1945, and Jeongin has officially been discharged from the military. It was a long war, but a victorious one, and every single person put in the effort necessary.

You were sent back in early summer, devastating Jeongin and you both. Ever since that day in the tent, you'd been inseparable. It truly was a sight, wasn't it? Young love, in the face of such tragedy. A doctor saving the wounded and a young soldier who could die at any moment.

Since returning home, you've busied yourself with volunteer work and anything that the people need. You've fallen back into the flow of working long shifts at the hospital. But one new thing - every week, you've sent a letter to Jeongin. He tries to send some back as often as he can, but he's a busy man. And it's worrying, isn't it? One day he could stop replying and you'd never know whether or not he was busy or the worst had happened.

But he'd survived, much to your relief, and you were ready to see him now.

The harbor is crowded with wives, children, and families, waiting to see their loved ones arrive safe and sound. It's beginning to snow rather dreadfully, and as you wrap your coat tighter around yourself, you hope that it doesn't delay their arrival.

Thankfully, your prayers are answered, and a loud horn blows as the ship comes into the harbor. Cheers erupt through the crowd, and people begin pushing forward, desperate to get to their person first.

You weave through the crowd and absolute chaos erupts the moment the first few people get off the boat. You're being tossed around, but you have to go find Jeongin no matter what. The sea of people is suffocating, and you trip over someone's foot trying to get closer. But someone wraps an arm around your waist to keep you steady.

When you look up, you see Jeongin's easy smile. You squeal, wrapping your arms tightly around him and he spins you around with a wide smile as he pulls you in for a long, loving kiss. His lips were always meant to be on yours. This is obvious through the way they mold into yours every time your lips connect. And when he finally pulls back, still holding you tightly, he grins.

"God, I've missed you."

Miroh Preparatory School, 1958

It's a sunny day on campus. You look at yourself in the mirror, at your freshly bought clothes. You turn once, or twice, excited to see your hard work paying off. The moment you saw this top at the store, red and black and so tuff, you knew you had to have it. You'd saved up your allowance for so long.

Your alarm chimes, and you jog over to check the time and your eyes nearly shoot out of your head. You're going to be late! You check yourself out one more time in the mirror, clip on cherry-shaped earrings, and dash out the door.

You vault onto your bike, spurring the wheels and gears into action and sighing in delight as the sun kisses your skin. Its golden rays dapple the sidewalk in front of you, setting the scene for a beautiful morning. You just hope you're pedaling fast enough to get there in time.

As you cruise along, you catch sight of your destination: the campus's soccer field. You ride around the path a couple of times, to divert their attention and make it seem like you're not there for any specific reason. Once they don't care to look is when you can look for your crush.

Yang Jeongin. The very glue that holds Miroh's undefeated varsity soccer team together. The team's most talented goalie in school history, with a slightly muscular frame and a smile that can melt any gal's heart. You park your bike and dash towards the stands, where your best friend and ticket to victory is standing.

Jisung is popular, in the same group as Jeongin, but what separates him from the rest is that he is insanely unathletic. Because of this, he is merely Miroh's team manager. But what he lacks in athletic prowess he makes up for in musical talent, stealing the hearts of people everywhere with his songs.

The two of you make an unlikely pair, since him and his friends are popular as hell and you're you, but in all honesty, you love spending time with him. You've known him since you were little living right next door to him, with gangly legs and candy wrappers stuffed into your pockets.

Jisung is the key piece to your plan to go out with Jeongin. He's your wingman, knowing the feelings you harbor for the dark-haired boy. You've begged him to bring you up during conversations and to tell you what Jeongin says. What you've gathered so far is that he thinks you're pretty, smart, and a good person.

That's not a lot, to be fair. He's probably trying to be nice, since he doesn't know you all that well. But frankly, you don't give a shit, because Jeongin thinks you're pretty.

"Quit it, hon." Jisung snaps his fingers in front of your face, breaking you out of your lovesick daydreams. "Practice is almost over, and he wants to talk to you about something. You've got to focus."

Your heart excitedly skips a beat. Jeongin wants to tell you something?! You look out at the field, where he's stretching his arms, ready to focus as team striker Hyunjin slams a ball at him full speed. Somehow, like a madman, Jeongin calculates the way Hyunjin kicks and easily blocks it. You watch in awe. How the hell did he do that?

And then he looks over and notices that you're watching him, and if you squint, you're 50% sure his cheeks grow pink. What? Before you can even process it, he's focused on practice once more, leaving you to wonder if that minute encounter was even real.

"Did...did you see that?" you ask, prodding at Jisung's shoulder, but much to your dismay, he's making googly eyes at the student council president and her clique. You sigh. However, the gradually increasing sound of chatter begins to draw closer.

Practice is over. The eleven boys on the team are laughing and joking around with each other, and one by one they offer you at least a ghost of a polite smile. The final two are Chan, the team captain, and Jeongin, who seems flustered from the avalanche of praise his hyung bestows upon him.

When they reach you, Chan winks and pushes Jeongin in your direction before grabbing Jisung by the arm and walking away. You're standing here awkwardly with the boy you've been in love with for the longest time, waiting for what he's going to say.

"Um, Jisung said you needed something from me?" You ask, fiddling with the hem of your top. He's looking at you weird. There's something unreadable in his expression. Oh god, did Jisung let it slip about you drawing hearts around his yearbook photos?!

"Yeah, sorry...I know you don't know me all that well." Jeongin says sheepishly, smiling. You feel your face begin to burn up. The irony is apparent here. "We had geometry together, right? With Mr. Park?"

Of course you remember. That was the class where you fell head over heels for him. You sat behind him, giving you the ability to gaze at him adoringly. He was funny and smart, and brightened the room.

"Yeah, we did!" you smile at him. "But what do you need? I'd be happy to help." His cheeks grow pink at your words, and he becomes a blushing mess.

"So, um, you know how there's a school dance next week? For the homecoming game? I was wondering if you wanted to come as my date." he stammers. "See, I've had this crush on you ever since geometry. You haven't left my mind once."

You genuinely cannot tell whether or not this is a dream, as you nod excitedly and wrap your arms around him. Your high school sweetheart likes you back!

Decades later, you'll sit in a comfortable chair, showing your grandchildren this picture. It is of you and Jeongin, dated 1958, his arm wrapped languidly around you as you smile and laugh before the dance wearing coordinating colors. You'll remain hopelessly enamored with each other for the rest of your lives, creating a family and a home. Perfect for each other, as if the universe hand-crafted the string of fate that binds you with gentle, loving hands.

Seoul University, 2024

You'd rather be anywhere but here.

It's late, and your head is pounding from the loud music blasting around you. Hyunjin just had to drag you to one of his parties on a Friday night, which you were totally unprepared for. Now, you lean against the wall, absentmindedly swirling a drink you'd rather not touch.

Your internal silence is interrupted when a young man with ginger hair walks up to you. He wears a black tank top and jeans, and holds a red solo cup in one hand covered in rings.

"You seem lonely," he observes. You don't want to admit it, so you offer him a tight-lipped smile. "Mind if I offer you company?"

You've never met this man in your life. Yet something about him seems so...familiar. His existence is unbeknownst to you, but he's prominent already. And on his ring finger, strangely, he wears a silver ring with willow branches. Just like the one you have.

"Excuse me, have we met before?" you ask, absolutely bewildered. A fire lights up in his chocolate eyes. He reaches out to take your cup from you, placing it on a table nearby.

"Yes, we know each other. And we are meeting each other for the first time right now. My name's Jeongin." he says. And then you know. There's no proof that Jeongin is the one for you, but there's a feeling in your gut that you never want to be separated from him again.

"What...what do you mean, that we know each other?" you ask, intrigued. Jeongin chuckles, running a hand through his smooth hair. "I'm racking my brain here. I genuinely cannot think of a single interaction with you."

"Who knows?" Jeongin replies with a wink. "Maybe it was in a different universe. We could even be lovers."

You laugh at his goofy flirting, not thinking much of it. Jeongin seems like the type of guy you could see yourself having a true connection with.

"Well, let's see if that proves to be true." You look out over the droves of people dancing and come to the obvious conclusion that you would rather be anywhere but here. "I'm over this. Want to go grab something to eat?"

Jeongin gives you a smile that can only be classified as sugary sweet. He takes you by the hand, leading you out of the apartment until it's just the two of you. And you just feel so at ease with him. There is no place you'd rather be than beside Jeongin.

And there you will stay, no matter what. There's no use tampering with fate.

#ren writes!! <3 #stray kids #evermourning #skz #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #jeongin #yang jeongin #yang jeongin x reader #stray kids imagines #i.n skz #jeongin skz #jeongin x reader #jeongin stray kids #I LOVE TAYLOR SWIFT

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jiniret-writings · 9 months

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Sweet Nothings

Inspired by Sweet Nothing by Taylor Swift

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Pairing: idol!Bangchan x idol!Reader

Warnings: Reader ruminates over how they're constantly criticized

Comments, Likes, and Reblogs are welcome and appreciated!

On the way home I wrote a poem You say, "What a mind" This happens all the time

They always wanted so much from you. It was like everyone had some expectation of you that you could never reach. Every lyric scrutinized, every dance move analyzed; even the way you walked was up for scrutiny. What once brought you joy started to feel like a chore. It felt like you weren't allowed to have fun with lyrics anymore unless you wanted articles written about how you had "lost your spark".

That was until Chan came along. The first time you met him you thought he would be like everyone else. Especially since he was a producer and songwriter, you were expecting him to give you feedback from the first meeting--as most producers you met did. Instead, he talked to you about your crocheting. It was a little hobby you had that you barely ever talked about, but he remembered it.

You two had a blossoming friendship that turned to more on a drive home from dance practice. You were playing around with a beat and wrote some lyrics that didn't mean much. It was just an in-the-moment type of thing. But when he heard it, he just smiled at you and added to your little bundle of nonsense.

Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors And smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more" To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it

He never judged you. That's one of the things you loved most about him. You were both idols who got extremely busy and each had your own bundle of problems, but at the end of the day when you two were airing it all out in the open and ranting about everything from a small inconvenience to huge scandals, there was never any judgement. Only understanding.

There were days when it seemed like nothing was ever enough. You'd go live and message on bubble and post on Instagram and weverse and even uploaded a vlog! But there was always something amiss. Some challenge you didn't do or some song you didn't talk about. Your captions were either lackluster or too cringe. You kept a brave face around the fans, and even started doing so in front of staff. It was only when you were with Chan that you could let the facade crumble and hide yourself in his embrace.

They said the end is coming Everyone's up to something I find myself running home to your sweet nothings

You were only 24 but were already reminded of how easy it would be for you to fade into nothingness. Every month a new artist debuted, and while you were secure where you were now, there was no guarantee for the future. One day, the world would deem you too old to be an idol and all you'd have left was your name.

But when you came home, it was like all your worries were silenced. There were no expectations between the two of you other than to just be.

"Be yourself, that's all I want from you", he'd said one day when you'd tried breaking up with him early in your relationship. Just be you.

Everything was something to be celebrated. Something as small as waking up was an accomplishment when you were with Chan. Lazy days in were rebranded to self care days. There was no such thing as a lazy meal because everything tasted better when you were together. Chan was your safe space and you were his. All there was between you two was pure love. You treasured each other as you were, not as you could be.

All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

This has been sitting unfinished in my drafts for a while, but after Chan changed his Instagram caption I realized how I wanted to write this. I hope all of you have someone you can turn to who can just accept you as you are and not for what you can be. You deserve to be with someone/people who don't have expectations for what you need to be. As always, have a great morning, afternoon, evening, and night <3

-Jini

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lixie-phoria · 11 months

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ੈ✩‧ 🎀🩰 ➛stray kids (maknae line) as taylor swift lyrics

pairing : skz!maknae line x reader

prompt : which taylor swift line fits the dynamic of your relationship with him <3

hyung line ver. | maknae line ver.

🎐| han !!

"Tell me that you're still mine, Tell me that we'll be just fine, Even when I lose my mind"

han was insecure. he was so incredibly scared that one day you'd walk out the door and return with someone better. someone better than him. someone who could love you better. treat you better. someone who didn't constantly dump their anxiety on you.

and it absolutely terrified him.

he wishes he could believe you every time you held him close, comforting him that it was all in his head. that you love him. only him. nobody else.

it was hard. he would blow up sometimes, telling you to leave him, to go find someone better for yourself.

but you stayed. you stayed right by his side, helping him through every panic attack, every breakdown, every moment of weakness.

and he loved you even more for it. he loved how the feeling of your entwined hands could stabilise his collapsing world. he loved the smile you would flash him every time your eyes met. he loved how you never failed to remind him of how proud you were of him, on his good and bad days.

he loved you for every little thing you did. he loved you for never leaving; for reminding him that you'll always be there and everything will be just fine. you could make it through anything together.

🎐| felix !!

"I find myself running home to your sweet nothings"

falling in love was supposed to feel euphoric. it was supposed to be exciting. or at least that's what every book you read made it seem like.

you learned the harder way that it was anything but that. your first two relationships were a train wreck, and you signed off from ever trying to find the sunshine and rainbows that everyone promised.

until you fell in love with the sunshine himself.

you met felix on the first day of university. you stumbled into him as he chased after a cat, whining after the feline to come back so he could pet it just one last time.

when he crashed into you - sending your books flying everywhere - he was quick to apologize, flashing you an embarrassed grin as he helped you up, pleading with you to let him make it up to you by taking you out for coffee.

you agreed. and you were so glad that you did because it changed your life forever.

it wasn't long before you began dating, and as cliché as it sounded, the feeling was magical.

euphoric. just how the books had described it. a feeling you never thought you'd experience.

felix was everything. he was always there for you: helping you, comforting you, supporting you. he was there along every step.

he was there when you had a bad day, when you got a bad grade, when you were unwell, when you had an argument with a friend. he promised he would never leave your side, and he never did.

every day, he would remind you why he loved you. every day, he would remind you to love yourself.

you were so in love, and you wouldn't have it any other way. he was your anchor, your solace, your breath of fresh air on a bad day. he was your everything.

🎐| seungmin !!

"What if I told you none of it was accidental"

you spoke to seungmin at a party once. just once. but it was enough to have you hooked. you were absolutely enamoured by him: his smile, his eyes, his humor. his everything.

you had never felt this way before, and you never wanted to either. you wanted this feeling to last with seungmin and seungmin only.

you did everything in your power to cross paths with him.

he was going out for coffee? what a coincidence that you ended up at the café too!

his favorite color was purple? maybe it was time to finally get those purple streaks you'd been thinking of for so long.

and the boy ate it all up. he seemed to be just as enraptured by you.

was it really a coincidence that a bouquet of your favorite flowers was waiting for you at your doorstep the same day you told him about them?

was it really an accident when your friends collectively cancelled on your plans leaving just the two of you to go out together?

it was too good to be true, and you loved it. the not-so-subtle flirting, the constant pining, the longing glances, changing plans for each other. all of it had him giddy.

you were the reason he looked forward to attending his lectures. you were the reason his friends would catch him smiling at his phone.

kim seungmin was absolutely in love with you, and everybody seemed to know it.

his friends had never seen him act this way before. what had you done to him?

but they would never know about all the subtle planning that went into every single interaction between you and him. they would never know what went on behind the scenes. all that they had to know was that you were just as much in love.

🎐| jeongin !!

"We were both young when I first saw you"

when your best friend moved out of your neighborhood and jeongin's family shifted into her house, you had been absolutely heartbroken. it wasn't the poor boy's fault that his family chose to move into that house, but you decided to take your anger and sorrow out on him anyways.

constantly ignoring him, purposely getting muddy footprints on his front yard and putting the blame on him, hiding his cycle and claiming that you had no clue where it was. There was no end to your pettiness and as you grew older, you couldn't exactly place why you never stopped with the taunting, and over time he began reciprocating the bitterness equally.

and so what started as innocent child-like fights that had your parents cooing at soon turned into what seemed like a lifelong enmity.

when it was finally time for university, you couldn't have been happier. finally, you could get away from jeongin.

but fate wouldn't have it.

jeongin was rejected from his first choice, leaving him no option but to pick the very same university you would be attending - his second preference.

neither of you was happy about it, and the two of you made sure everyone in your year was aware of it as well.

picking at each other, constant pranks, and always giving the other sarcastic replies. it was never simple with the two of you.

until your first heartbreak.

you caught your boyfriend cheating on you. at a party. a party everyone seemed to be at. so everyone saw it happen.

jeongin had been the first to recover from the shock. neither of you knew what came over him, but he was the first to gently lead you away from the scene, lending you his jacket on the drive back to your dorm as you tried to hold back your tears. no way were you going to break down in front of yang jeongin out of all the people.

but when he hesitantly placed his hand on yours, asking if you were alright and flashing you a small smile, you could feel something shift. literally.

had his smile always looked that adorable? had his hands always felt that comforting?

maybe he felt it too because you couldn't have been imagining the blush that coated his cheeks.

neither of you knew what changed that night. but something did, and it only bloomed into something better over time.

©lixie-phoria, 2023

🏷️ @foxinnie8 , @hamburgers101 , @starlostlaiba

[ send an ask to be added/removed from the taglist :) ]

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hanniefangz · 10 months

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skz x taylor swift songs - ★｡･:*

pairing: skz x GN!reader

tags: fluff & angst [both apply for most of them!!] - also jeongin a is a tad suggestive

summary: the skz members in situations that are based on taylor swift songs

word count: 4.5K

for all my stayswifties <3 pls be my friends

CHAN - enchanted

the first time you'd laid your eyes on chan, the two of you were teens, at a gathering of all your parents friends, and as he's the son of your mothers best friend, they wanted you to be just as close as they were at your age. the moment he spoke to you, butterflies erupted in your stomach and you knew exactly how you felt about him in that moment, and those feelings only grew as the night went on. before you'd spoken to him, you felt uncomfortable and awkward, the youngest person in a room full of adults you'd only met a handful of times; many of which you couldnt remember, and all of that fluttered away when your eyes had met his.

you'd spent the entire night by his side, laughing at his jokes, ranting about your parents, hiding away where no one else could find you. you felt like you were in a fairytale, you'd never felt this way about anyone you'd ever met; of course you hadn't, you were only young.

all too quickly, the night came to an end and you had to say goodbye to each other. the two of you didn't want to leave, and with tears in your eyes, you gave him a hug, and begged your parents to let you see each other again as soon as possible.

the entire car journey home all you could think about was chan, how you ran through the garden hand in hand, how you'd danced under the fairy lights, and you face flushed red and heart soared every time you thought about him. you prayed that that wouldn't be the last time you'd see him, that this was the start of something new. you secretly hoped that he felt the exact same way about you as you did about him. you hoped that you were the only one, that there wasn't someone else waiting on him while you thought about him the way you were. you prayed that he wouldn't forget about you, you could just tell he was going to be on your mind for a long time. the entire night would stay present in your memory for the rest of your life. you pleaded over and over in your mind that tonight wasn't a dream, that he was real, that he was out there thinking the same way of you. that you would cross paths again one day soon. and you'll spend forever wondering if he knows how much meeting him meant to you.

and no matter whether you do meet him again somewhere in the future, or never see him again, all you know is that you were enchanted to meet him.

MINHO - all too well

too much time had passed since you'd last seen minho, you remember your last conversation in mid july, the harsh words you'd said to each other ingrained into your mind like scars that would never fade. now in september, you sat in your bedroom and wondered to yourself if he'd ever moved on from you, for you certainly hadn't. the absence of his presence was all too noticeable, the slightly cold autumn air surrounded you, he would have once shielded you from it, his strong arms wrapping around your body as you cuddle in your bed, watching endless movies, just the two of you, forgetting the entire world.

you remember last autumn, the first and only which you'd spent together. you remember watching the change in the colour of the leaves as they fell from the trees, you remembered being in minho's car as he drove you around his small hometown, hand on your thigh as you sang along to the radio together. you remember how you'd danced around his parents kitchen the first night you met them, the feeling of his hands in yours melting away all your worries. you remember how his parents had shown you pictures of him from when he was young, how his ears grew redder from embarrassment as you told him how cute he was. you remember how you'd given him your favourite scarf one night as you were walking home together, his nose significantly redder than usual as the wind whipped around the two of you. he'd kept that scarf, making sure to wear it when he was around you, and you'd still never gotten it back. you wonder if he still has it, does he still think about you when he sees it? does he remember all the moments as clear as you do? does it still smell like you? does it still remind him of the first autumn you'd spent in each others company, hand in hand?

and then you think back to the argument, how heated it had gotten between the two of you. you'd never seen him so genuinely upset, and at this point in time you couldn't even remember why you'd fought. you remember how you'd cried and begged him to talk it out with you, and he'd just left you, in the middle of the night, and never returned. he called you once, and you prayed it was him wanting to work it out. but it was only him asking that you leave his stuff outside so he wouldn't have to see you when he picked it up. and that broke you all over again, hearing the harshness of his words as he spat down the phone at you.

you remember how you'd waited for him all night on your birthday, wishing for even just a message, but nothing ever came. he was gone. all that was left of him in you was his memory.

the thought of the scarf drifted through your mind again, but you decided he'd probably thrown it out the night of the argument.

but across town, as if he could hear your thoughts, minho holds the scarf up to his nose with tears in his eyes, the memories of last autumn flooding back to him, wishing he could change something.

you both remember it all too well

CHANGBIN - gorgeous

the two of you had met at a mutual friends birthday, and although you had shown up with your boyfriend at the time, he was currently no where to be seen, and that didn't surprise you at all. he was the least of your concerns right now; it wasn't unusual for you to find him talking to multiple other girls while you stood around alone, but tonight you decided you wouldn't let his choices ruin your night.

and that's when you saw changbin from the other side of the room, and you were mesmerised from the second his eyes locked with yours. dark hair which perfectly complimented his dark eyes, the lights were shining perfectly on him that you could see his jawline and all of his muscles perfectly defined, and your heart almost stops. he's the most beautiful man you've ever laid your eyes on, and you're so upset that he's not yours. he smiles at you, your legs tremble and you have to look away, otherwise you might just fall to the floor infront of him.

you spend the next twenty minutes avoiding him at all costs, you were determined not to embarrass yourself infront of the most stunning man you've ever seen, so you hid in the kitchen for a long while, sipping on your drink slowly, when he suddenly appears. you almost choke on your drink when you see him and he chuckles, asking your name. his voice is just as beautiful as him and the slight anger you felt before bubbles back up in you as he talks, how dare he be so attractive and be in your presence, he's making you feel so many things and you've not even spoken for 5 minutes. he starts up conversation with you, but you feel yourself stumbling over your words every time he looks at you, it's so hard to concentrate with those eyes staring into yours. whilst he's speaking to you, you wonder if he has a girlfriend, and the blood drains from your face. of course he does, just look at him. you awkwardly splutter out the question and he laughs, shaking his head in answer. that makes you feel even worse, he's so pretty it actually hurts you a little bit.

after a while, you've started to get into proper conversation with him, with the help of alcohol of course, there's no way you'd be so confident without it right now. you're joking together, and his hand brushed across yours whilst you're in the dark kitchen and the trembling feeling you were met with when you first saw each other came back in full force. you feel so unbelievably sad that he can't be yours. you wish you could just go home with him instead.

the party comes to an end and your boyfriend is nowhere to be seen, but you couldn't care less. you'd been told he'd been seen kissing another girl and instead of getting upset, you turn to changbin and invite him back with you instead, and of course he agrees, and you felt happy because you'd finally gotten what you'd wanted that entire night, the most gorgeous man in existence, and nothing else mattered but him in that moment.

HYUNJIN - lover

you'd never loved someone as hard as you loved hyunjin, and you vowed to never love anyone that way again, he was your only one, and you prayed that you'd stay in each others company forever.

hyunjin made you feel like no one else ever had, you felt like you'd known him your entire life, there wasn't a single second of awkwardness between either of you. you were sure if soulmates existed, he was most definitely yours. the most perfect pair, nothing could ever tear either of you apart. you wished you could stay close to him forever, you never wanted to be apart from him, for her made you feel whole.

you remember when you moved into your house together, and how you'd agreed to let your friends stay the night in the living room, and giggling afterwards when you realised that it was your place now. you could do whatever you wanted in the space the two of you called your home. you spent months decorating the house to match both of your tastes; not that it mattered because you agreed on everything, whether that was furniture, colour palettes, paintings, the flooring, you saw eye to eye on everything. you couldn't ever see yourself disagreeing with him on something, especially something so small. the both of you thought so much alike it must just be meant to be. and you truly believed that. everything you thought was in parallel to him, how you both decided on leaving the christmas lights up until january just because you could; it's your place to decide on now, no one else's.

you remember how you'd worried one night that he would leave you for someone else, that if someone wanted him he'd go after it and he immediately reassured you that you were the only one for him, as you cried on his chest he stroked your hair and promised that he wasn't going anywhere, he wanted to spend every summer with just you like you had the previous ones, and you felt the same about him. you wanted to go everywhere with him, as long as you were by his side you were safe.

you promised to him that you'd always leave him a seat next to you, so that we're always by his side. because he's your lover, and you are his.

JISUNG - begin again

your last relationship had been the worst one you'd ever been in. whatever your other exes had done to hurt you, the last one did it ten times worse. you'd never felt so utterly disrespected by anyone you'd dated, and it felt so freeing to finally be away from it all. you remember how he'd always looked down on you, making you feel like nothing. he'd picked you apart, making sure to take stabs at all of your insecurities. there was no part of you that you'd felt he hadn't completely ruined. your self confidence was shattered.

and then on that one fateful wednesday, you met jisung.

for the first time in months, you'd left your small apartment to go back into your favourite cafe, the one that your ex hated, and stopped you from going in. he claimed it was trashy and cheap, but you thought it was cosy and safe. you walk in, book in hand and order your favourite coffee, ready to sit in your usual corner, when you notice someone already sat on the table. a blonde haired boy, scribbling in a book of some sorts, glasses falling down his nose. he looks up at you and smiles, and for the first time in too long, you felt free enough to smile back at him. you decide to sit on a table nearby which faced him, and start to read your book. every once in a while you'd look up and catch him looking at you, and you'd both look away and smile shyly to yourselves.

this same routine would go on for weeks, until he finally worked up the courage to introduce himself. and from there, everything started to fall into place. you'd started to sit together, he'd offer to pay for your drinks, you recommended him books whilst he let you read his scribbles which you'd quickly learnt were lyrics for songs he was writing. whenever you made a joke, he'd erupt into the most beautiful laughter, and you found it somewhat strange since your ex didnt ever laugh at your jokes. he'd pull your chair out when he saw you walking up to your usual table and you felt so cared for. he listened eagerly to all your stories, which your ex used to dismiss. he'd get to the cafe early for you, never standing you up, making sure there was always a drink ready for when you got there. jisung would tell you how beautiful you looked in every single outfit you wore. you wanted to bring up your ex every single time jisung did even the smallest actions for you, how your ex had never done any of these things for you, how he hated when you wore the clothes you picked out, how he'd ignore you when you spoke, how he would make fun of the music you liked, but you caught your tongue every time, realising jisung was nothing like him. and you'd finally met someone who understood and liked you for who you were.

and only a few weeks later, you and jisung were finally together, and it felt so right with him. you'd started to realise what love truly meant, and how you'd both fallen for each other, letting the past remain in the past and just enjoying how he made you feel.

you'd watched it all begin again, and this time it really was love.

FELIX - love story

not being allowed to have something, only makes you want it more, and the same could be said about felix.

the first time you ever spoke to felix was on your first day in a new high school, you'd been sat next to him by the teacher, and the minute he turned to you with his bright smile, you felt alot more comfortable with this new atmosphere. he was asked to show you around, and he took his job very seriously, showing you every single detail across the entire school, explaining the history, asking about what classes you'd be in, telling you about all the clubs he was in, trying to convince you to join one with him. but while he spoke, all you could concentrate on was his freckles, scattered across his face like stars in the night sky. you thought how nice it would be to sit and count them all, tracing over his soft features.

you were snapped out of your daydream when felix led you into his favourite classroom to hide away in, an old music room which looked like it hadn't been used in years. he spoke about how he'd sit in here alone to eat lunch, and asked if you'd like to join him, and of course you said yes.

every single day you would find yourself in that classroom with felix, and each day the two of you grew closer and closer, attached at the hip, no one had ever seen the two of you apart for longer than a few minutes, wherever he was, you'd follow behind. he'd wait for you in the hallways after your classes, he'd walk you to your bus stop, he'd bring extra food to share with you just in case you'd forgotten to bring something, and it was obvious to everyone around you that it wasn't just friendship for the two of you anymore.

he finally confessed one day in your classroom, he'd brought you your favourite snacks and a small bunch of flowers, sitting you down at one of the tables and taking your hands into his, looking down at the floor as he spoke, and when he finally admitted it, the only thing you could do was press your lips against his in response, letting him know exactly how you felt too. you remember his wide grin as you told him how you'd felt, finally being able to lightly trace over his freckles like you'd wanted to do badly on that very first day.

however, not everyone was thrilled about you and felix. your father, an overly protective and aggressive man wasn't happy to see you arrive home with a bunch of flowers that day, your smile giving away absolutely everything. he demanded you tell him what was going on, and you broke down in fear, spilling all of your secrets, how you'd been spending all you time with felix, how you'd fallen in love with him, and your father flew into a furious rage, ordering you never to speak to felix again. you nodded in understanding

but of course you didn't listen, felix was your everything, he made going to school worth it, he was the first thing you thought of when you woke up, and the last thing you thought about before sleeping. his smile warmed your heart, his hugs made you feel safe and protected, his voice was soothing and you wouldn't let your father take that away from you.

so you had to become more sneaky with felix, you had to pretend you were just going for walks whenever felix would invite you out, you'd hide the presents he gave you as best you could, you wouldn't speak about felix when you were home, you'd message him discreetly, but you didn't want to hide him anymore. months had passed since you had started dating and you wanted nothing more than to be able to spend the night with him, to be able to go on proper dates without fear of your father getting angry with you. you wished you could just run away with felix, leave everything behind, and be alone together.

but you were too late. your father caught you together with him whilst felix was walking you home. you father yelled at felix, demanding him never to stay away and never speak to you again. you broke down sitting on the front doorstep watching as the look on your sweet boyfriends face dropped and he walked away, tears in his eyes.

however that night never broke the two of you apart, for something forbidden is always more appealing, the risk of it all so addicting that it brought you closer together. your fathers words couldnt ruin this love story, no matter how hard he tried.

SEUNGMIN - afterglow

you hated fighting with seungmin, but these days it seemed to happen more often than not, and you were worried it was pushing you both to your breaking points. but this one was on you, and you'd do anything to fix it.

you were sat on your bathroom floor, your eyes still ringing from when he'd left and slammed the door. your stomach felt tight, you head was pounding and your hands were shaking. you felt so utterly sick when you replayed the moment back in your head, thinking about the harsh words you'd thrown at him. the fight was over something so small, that you felt so pathetic that you'd reacted the way you had, that this is how you'd ended up.

you'd gotten in from a long day at work and you'd noticed that seungmin hadn't done the dishes, and the laundry hadn't been put away. after such a stressful day, it completely set you off, and you'd shouted at him the minute he came to find you to ask you how your day was. you snapped at him, and he snapped back, he'd had just as bad of a day, and he was going to do the chores later, he was tired and wanted to relax with you for a bit before he got on with them, and you'd yelled at him for that. at that point you'd ran off to the bathroom, and that's when he walked out, slamming the door, no word of when he'd be coming back.

back on the bathroom floor, your sat crying into your hands, wishing you'd have just stayed quiet about it, or even just spoken to him about it. fighting over something so small felt so stupid to you now that you'd thought it over, and your trembling hands reached for your phone to ask him when he'd be coming back. he didn't reply, and you called him instead, which went straight to voicemail, only making you cry harder.

in the state you were in, you hadn't realised you'd accidentally sent him a voice note of you crying. he was taking a walk around where your apartment was, and he listens to the message, his heart breaking slightly. he can hear you speaking to yourself, getting mad at yourself for causing issues between you, and he immediately runs home, to find you still in the bathroom, still sobbing.

he opens the door to your shocked face, and immediately pulls you into his arms, reassuring you that it would be okay, and that you hadn't made him leave forever. you apologise over and over for how you'd spoken to him as he stroked your hair, telling you it'd be okay, and that he was sorry for reacting the way he did too. he reassured you over and over that he wasn't going anywhere, that the two of you were just fine. you cried harder, telling him that you didn't want to lose him over these things, that you didn't want to fight anymore, and he agreed. you were both determined to fix this between you

and that's exactly what you did. you sat opposite him on your shared bed, and laid out all of your worries to one another, all of your frustrations that had been causing the fights the last few weeks. once you'd done that, you made up by making dinner together, and cuddling afterwards leaving the chores another night, deciding they weren't important anymore and you'd do them together in the morning.

that night when you'd gone to bed, you laid awake thinking, thankful that he'd come back, thankful that he'd met you in the afterglow of the fight, and that you could fix it then and there.

JEONGIN - wildest dreams

jeongin made you feel like the most beautiful person in the world, he spoke to you like no one else ever had, he made you feel something no one else could.

but all good things come with a catch, and his was that you had to be a secret.

at first, it felt fun, he was driving you around different cities with the windows down, your hair flying behind you in the wind, his hand in yours as you sand along to the radio, the city lights illuminating his eyes. it felt exciting, hiding it away from everyone, having to hide the small marks he'd left on you when you'd been together, sneaking away from parties when no one was looking just to hide and be alone for a while. there was a rush every time you thought someone was close to finding out, it was addictive. he was addictive

but then it started to hurt. you wanted alot more than just running off places with him, you wanted to be able to put a label on the two of you, be able to do the things that real couples do, going on dates, kissing in public, holding hands. he'd start to push you away if you got too close, he'd gotten more paranoid that someone would find you out. you found that he'd ignore you for days at a time, and you started to wonder why you weren't what he wanted anymore.

did you embarrass him? did you say something to hurt him? maybe he couldn't stand the thought of being seen with you. maybe he'd gotten tired of you. those thoughts rushed around your head every single time he'd push you away, every time he'd not speak to you.

and one day you'd finally had enough, and you told him exactly that. you told him you wanted a real commitment, or the two of you were through. and he didn't object.

so just like that, it was over. months of thrills with him completely thrown away. all of the drunk makeout sessions in his apartment, the driving you through different cities, the marks on your neck from him, all meant nothing to you. it hurt at first, but you'd seen it coming. nothing lasts forever, jeongin was not an exception to that rule.

you sit and think about him often, all the things you did together, how before he'd started to push you away, he'd promised to take you out properly, to see you again. and he'd destroyed that.

all you hoped for him now was that he'd never forget you, that he'd never forget what you could have been, and that the memories of you follow him around. and haunt even his wildest dreams.

this is so long so big round of applause to anyone who reads all of it & sorry that the last three aren't as good i was running out of ideas </3 hope u enjoyed - reblogs & feedback is greatly appreciated!!

thank you for so much love on my last post too aaaaah

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imnameimswrld · 14 days

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𖤐 ִֶָ 𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍 as 𓂃 𝓒𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓘𝓽 𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓦𝓪𝓷𝓽 ! 🧷 ¹

❪ main masterlist | kpop masterlist ❫

expect flowers on the most randomest days. if his friends don't like you, he'll drop them and get better ones. would put every single person in their place if they utter a single bad word about you. makes you feel luxurious, priceless, and worth every ounce of his love. late nights filled with goofy smiles and mindless conversations. couldn't care less about what anyone thinks about you, because he knows the real you. he's the kinda who stayed late after the show ended, despite being the main event, to talk to you, who worked as a caterer at the event. you may feel invisible to everyone else, but never to him; he noticed you the second you past by him.

#skz #stray kids scenarios #stray kids #skz bang chan #christopher bang #chan x you #bang chan #kpop #chan x reader #cb97 #taylor swift #call it what you want #taylornation #reputation #reputayswift #imnameimswrld

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forevermore05 · 19 days

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You think you can hurt me I'm a Swiftie, I listen to Stray Kids (K-Pop in general) and ship Zutara.

#avatar the last airbender #zutara #katara #zuko x katara #zuko #taylor swift #ttpd era #stray kids #stay skz

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matchajoon · 1 year

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my hand was the one you reached for (방찬)

pairing: bang chan x gn!reader (i use chris throughout). genre: hurt/comfort, idol!au. warnings/commentary: 1.7k. reader is sad/anxious on their birthday and about fame. reader almost has a panic attack. no use of y/n. use of baby and my love. it’s somewhat implied skz is in a different timezone (behind) than reader. author has birthday related trauma. author also has never written for real people before and hasn’t gotten her characterisations perfect yet. unedited and unresearched. summary: you think chris has forgotten your birthday and react (somewhat accordingly). my writing is never a real portrayal of any of the members of skz. directory

It was, on many occasions, impossible to fathom how busy your partner and the rest of his group really were. You, along with other partners, friends, staff and the boys’ families got a unique look-in on life as an idol, more so than the fans did, at least to the extent that you were allowed to see them at less than their optimal. For you personally, it was exhausting just being adjacent to it all and that was without all the extra little things your partner picked up and seemed to always be being consumed by.

Chris was busier than most. Especially during comeback seasons, it was almost impossible to have any free time with him, given the amount of time you knew he was spending perfecting, double-checking and supporting everything to do with the art he loved so much.

You loved him, and you loved that he was so passionate and driven and dedicated, to not only his group but his fans but sometimes- sometimes you wished it would all just go quiet. It was selfish really, you knew that, but sometimes everything was far too much for you, even though you were in the background for the most part, supporting from the sidelines. It made you feel sick just thinking about all the weight on Chris’ shoulders, especially when you were feeling like this and you weren’t even the leader of the fourth generation’s best. He was the strongest person you knew, so full of love and support and maybe that was why it was so hard to admit to yourself that he had indeed forgotten about your birthday.

It wasn’t a big deal. At least that’s what you were attempting to affirm to yourself. You were usually quiet about your birthdays, disliking the fanfare that came with ageing and you were still a little traumatised from high school, when birthday celebrations on Facebook were like a popularity battle. You hadn’t remarked on it coming up, hadn’t posted a story, hadn’t tweeted and you didn’t have any grand plans to brag about. Meeting a few friends around the day, plans to have a sleep-in and you’d taken work off so you could just blob around the house for the day before you met friends for dinner. You hadn’t said anything about it to Chris, and he hadn’t mentioned it. A teeny tiny part of you had been holding out - hoping that maybe he was planning to surprise you, maybe he’d be flying back to see you as he had previously. So you hadn’t said anything.

And now it was late in the evening and you had just got home from your birthday dinner, the presents your friends had bought you still wrapped where you’d left them on the counter. They had all asked after him, of course, they were well meaning, you knew they had only been curious but it had made your eyes burn when they pressed about the partner you were still yet to hear a peep from.

None of your friends were entirely familiar with who Chris actually was, something you disliked hiding from them but knew it was for the best - although K-Pop fans were incredibly supportive and kind, there were always exceptions and you weren’t emotionally equipped to deal with fans that were of the opinion you were stealing their men. They all rallied supportively, assuring you he hadn’t forgotten, and if he had it didn’t mean he didn’t love you and that had made something in your chest relax a little- because they were right. Chris did love you, so incredibly much. You knew he did.

So why were you lying on your sofa, legs curled up towards your chest as tears began to stream out of your eyes and into your ears, stinging as they did. The first sob you let out broke the dam and suddenly you were openly, unhappily sobbing your heart out. Curling in on yourself, you brought your hands up to bury your face into them, your forehead coming to rest on the couch cushion as your shoulders shook. Your lungs rasped a little as you took in a deep, shuddering breath, an attempt to quiet yourself but you were unable to jolt yourself from the sad little heap you’d become on the couch.

You hated feeling forgotten. Even when you knew it was unintentional. As someone who committed every single special occasion to memory, or at least to your calendar, it was a sore feeling to know other people you cared immensely for didn’t care quite as much. You knew Chris was busy, you knew how much and you knew why and it still didn’t make you feel any better.

Your anxiety returned with a choking grasp, too warm as it wrapped itself around your insides and you huffed several deep breaths, refusing to succumb to the panic that had begun climbing up your throat. You couldn’t spiral, not now. You drove your palms into your eyes, pressing until you saw stars and then, with an abrupt sniff, you sat up, vision still tear-blurry.

The bath you ran yourself was deep enough that you could submerge into the silence of the hot water, and you’d poured enough jasmine scented shower gel into it that the accompanying bubbles were to the envy of your six year old self. You de-clothed, making sure the water wasn’t going to burn you alive and then you stepped into the tub. The immediate warmth wrapped around your calves and you huffed a breath in and out, sitting down with a little of the awkwardness that comes with bathtubs. The water lapped up around your waist and you shuffled your body to lie properly in the tub, sinking back to rest your neck against the cool side of the bath.

You hadn’t checked the time on your phone before you’d gotten into the bath so you weren’t sure how long you stayed in the water. It was less than lukewarm by the time you pulled the plug and stepped into a fluffy bathrobe, shoved your feet into warm slippers and towelled silently at your hair. You made eye-contact with the mirror, although it was fogged up, you could still see the redness around your eyes and cheeks. You grimaced, picking up a washcloth to clean your face off before you padded toward your room to change into comfortable pyjamas. Once you were relatively warm and dry, you all but flung yourself onto your bed, tugging the Wolf-Chan plushie Minho had presented you with when the boys had met you for the first time towards you. You hugged the plushie close, tucking yourself and it under the sheets as you shut your eyes, willing yourself to fall asleep before your mood grew sadder still.

You woke to an almost incessant buzzing reverberating throughout your quiet apartment. Bleary eyed, face still heavy with sleep and crying, you stumbled into the kitchen, where your phone had apparently been possessed, as it was vibrating so aggressively. You opened it tiredly, headed back to your warm bed as you thumbed through the notifications that were the source of the vibration.

The first thing that caught your attention was your group chat with the boys, that was infrequently used when they were in the country and it was usually- Oh. You had over a hundred notifications just in that group chat alone and as you scrolled through it, they ranged from last night after you’d gone to take your bath, wishing you a happy birthday to telling you to sleep well, to a few minutes ago, where they were yelling at you to wake up and let Chris in.

You were just considering what that meant when Chris’ contact flashed up. You answered without even thinking, relief sinking heavily into your bones and you felt happy tears prick in your eyes.

“Hi baby. I’m sorry to wake you- but can you let me in please? I have caffeine and hot doughnuts-” You were moving, almost blindly, to unlock the door as a smile blazed onto your face.

“Hi.” Then you were in his arms, the drinks and doughnuts briefly in danger as you all but slammed into his chest, burying into him and his free arm locked around you, tight as he held you to him.

“Hey, hey, hey- lemme chuck these on the bench and then I can hug you properly.” Chris teased, his eyes soft and fond as he looked down at you. You released him briefly, closing the door behind the two of you as he moved around you to set his peace offerings down, handing you your most favourite drink before you could get any further.

“I didn’t know you-” He smiled, shier this time as you made an attempt on the doughnuts, grumbling quietly as you burnt your tongue on the hot jam and ignoring the chiding look he gave you. He reached to cup your face, his fingers warm and his thumb ran under your eye, no doubt assessing the redness there and Chris wasn’t dumb, you knew he knew you’d been crying.

“Are you okay baby? You look-” You closed your eyes, relaxing into the warmth of his palm and nodded your head.

“I’m perfect now. You should have said- how long were you waiting for me to wake up?” Chris relaxed a little, although there was still plenty of concern in his eyes. He wrapped you into a hug, ignoring the squeak you let out when your drink was nearly squashed between the two of you.

“It was a secret. It was supposed to be a better surprise than it was- my flight got delayed so I only got in an hour and a half ago. The boys were anxious all day not being able to message you- cuz I knew Felix and Jeongin would somehow manage to spoil it- I’m sorry about that but I really wanted to surprise you. Happy birthday my love, I’m sorry that I didn’t send a message before I left, even just to reassure you I hadn’t forgotten.” He looked down at you, his eyes beseeching and you remembered your volatile unhappiness last night briefly before you released it, sighing quietly as you settled into his chest, leaning around him to set your drink on the counter so it was no longer in the line of fire.

“I forgive you. On the condition that you’re mine the entire time you’re here with me. And you never go silent on my birthday again.” He kissed the top of your head, before turning your chin up so you were looking at him.

“Promise.” And then he was kissing you, his mouth soft and warm and tasting like jam doughnuts.

#bangchan x reader #bang chan x reader #chris chan x reader #christopher chan x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids hurt/comfort #skz x reader #skz hurt/comfort #yes i'm back writing and using taylor swift lyrics <3

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aurorasandsad-prose · 4 months

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One of my biggest pet peeves is this trend where people would put a caption like "The feminism leaving my body when....." and the video would be a thirstrap or even just a really good fancam of their favourite artists.

I'm sorry but since when is being attracted to a person (mostly a man) seen as a lack of feminism? The only possible explanation is that the op doesn't really understand the phrase and that's even more annoying because you could have just complemented your favourite artists and honestly that's the only correct way to support your favourites.

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saythenamecabebe · 9 months

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Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye

Warnings: Miscarriage, Depression? Angst? (Let me know if there's anything else I miss)

A|N: Based on the song, "Bigger Than The Whole Sky" by Taylor Swift. I hope you guys like this one, I've been having writers block 😭 I did cut some parts of the song out. I recommend hearing the song while reading this. Let me know what you guys think.

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No words appear before me in the aftermath

Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears

Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness

'Cause it's all over now, all out to sea

"I'm sorry for your loss, Mr. and Mrs. Hong."

For the past two hours, that sentence has been replaying in my head over and over. I sit up on the bed, and my hands begin to tremble. My breathing uneven, my head falls onto my hands, and my vision blurs. Uncontrollable sobs pour out, and then I feel the warm arms of my husband's wrap around me. Josha pulled me into him, and I could feel his body shake as he tried to control the tears that threatened to spill. He holds me close to his chest and kisses my temple. No words were said as we both sit there crying over our beloved loss.

"I'm so sorry, Josh," I cry out. "It's all my fault, I'm the reason why our baby isn't here with us. I'm the reason why we lose everything because everything I touch gets sick."

"Don't say that," he cries. "None of this is your fault. Do you hear me? None. This happens, and it's out of our control. So please, my love, do not blame yourself."

I wrap my arms around his neck as he tries to pull me impossibly closer to his chest, and tears consume us once more.

Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia?

Did some force take you because I didn't pray?

Every single thing to come has turned into ashes

'Cause it's all over, it's not meant to be

So I'll say words I don't believe

I entered the room where Joshua and I spent most of our time getting ready to welcome the new edition into our family. I walk up to the crib where our child would've slept in, tears spilling in the process, and I wipe them away. I look at the dresser where the ultrasound was displayed in a tiny frame. My fingers gently run across the wood and onto the photo.

'Mommy is so sorry, baby. It's my fault that you are not with us. I haven't had the chance to at least hold you in my arms that were supposed to protect and love you, my little angel, but I do love you so much.'

Tears stream out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I hold the photo in my hands and place a kiss onto it. I put the photo in it's place and walk out of the room. I close the door and head to my own. I lay in bed as the tears continue to fall. I feel the bed dip behind me and I'm pulled into Josh's chest. I could feel him place kisses on the back of my head. I turn in his arms and look at him, eyes red, and swollen. I wipe his tears away as he does for me. I place a kiss onto his plump soft lips and rest my forehead against his.

"I know what you're thinking, and it's not your fault, love. They know it isn't your fault either."

I sigh and nod my head as a silent okay. He pulls me to his chest once more. My eyes flutter shut and sleep engulfs me.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

A month has passed since the horrible news, our family and friends would visit us. Seungcheol and the rest of the members stopped by with food and drinks. I sadly smile and head to the kitchen. I pull out the drinks for them and place them onto the counter.

"Hi y/n," Jeonghan says.

"Hi Hannie."

"It's been awhile since I've seen you smile," he states, but carefully contines as if he doesn't want to cause me pain. "I hate to bring up this topic since I know it's very sensitive and fresh, but how do you really feel?"

I sigh as I look at the counter, I could feel the tears, but I keep them at bay. I slowly breathe in and out. I turn to look at Jeonghan and I see a mixture of worry and sadness in his facial features.

"I still feel as if it's my fault. Shua says it isn't, but I still can't help feel this way."

"I understand, I mean, no words will make you think or feel otherwise. But what he says is true, it's not your fault, and we all love you. We are all here for both of you. I hope you know that."

"I do, Hannie." I sadly smiled. "It's just hard to live knowing that I've never got to see their face, hold them, and give them kisses. It's not fair that I loved them so much, and they were taken away from me."

Jeonghan pulls me into a hug. "You'll both be okay. You both will have another opportunity one day to be able to love another child of our own again. It's going to take time to heal these wounds, but we are here for you." He says once more as he pulls away. I smile at Jeonghan and wipe my tears.

"Thank you, Hannie."

"Let me help you with the drinks."

He grabs a couple of bottles, and I do the same. I entered the living room and found the members spread out on the floor passes plates and food. I smile and go to sit next to Josh. Josh looks up at me and smiles but fades away once he sees my face.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Everything's fine," I said. "I was just talking with Jeonghan."

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asks once again.

"Yes," I say with a smile.

Josh looks at me again and smiles. He places a kiss on my head and pulls me close to him. The rest of the night is filled with laughter and smiles.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

White roses fill the backyard garden. Family surrounding both Joshua and I as we held a small black box containing a yellow onesie that would've been our little angel's. Tears rolled down my face, Joshua held out a tissue for me, and I dapped it onto my cheeks and let out a shaky sigh. I look back at Joshua and let out a small thank you. He holds my hand and places a gentle kiss on my knuckles.

Joshua and I walked up to the sliver stand that was surrounded by the roses. I kiss my fingers and place it onto the headstone. 'Our Beloved Child, Angel Hong'. Sobs spill out and go on my knees with the help of Joshua. He soon follows, and we hold the box and place it onto the ground. Hands grabbed the soil, and we placed flower seeds once it was completely buried. I hold my face in my hands as I continue to sob, and I feel my mother help me back onto my feet. She holds me close to her and places kisses on my head. My dad rubbed my back, trying to soothe me. My siblings stand close to me as they cry. I lift my head up from my mom's shoulder and look towards Joshua. His mom holds him, his uncle handing him a tissue and his members looking at the ground.

Joshua looks at me and lets go of his mother as we make our way towards each other. He wraps his arms around my waist, and I wrap mine around his neck. His face buried in the crook of my neck, and he placed a kiss. We stayed there for a while, holding each other, he pulls away and placed a kiss on my lips.

"Our Angel will be watching over us now," he says. "My love, I haven't said this in a while with everything that has been happening, but I love you so much."

Tears well up in my eyes, and I blink them away.

"They are now in heaven resting," I say. " I love you so much, too."

I placed another kiss on his plump lips, but we soon pulled away and headed inside the house where our family was waiting for us.

"Wait... Josh, I want to do something," I tell him.

He looks back and nods his head. We walk back to the spot where Angel's headstone is at. We stand side by side as silence consumes us. I take a step towards the stone and place my hand on it.

"Angel," I start. "Our sweet little Angel, though we will never get the chance to meet or know you. Just know we will never forget the moments we had with you when you were still in my belly. Those midnight snacks you wanted that your dad would get for us, but what I want to say is we love you so much, baby."

I place a kiss onto the stone and backed away. My hand finds Joshua's, and I hold onto it tightly. I wipe my tears away and look at Joshua. I wipe away his tears, and he smiles at me. I kiss Joshua's lips, and we make our way inside the house.

'Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, our sweet little Angel'

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