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#still gotta seal it but im waiting for it to dry
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sad little gay people in my phone how are we feeling about the geothermal escapism painting i started today
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a-libra-writes · 3 years
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A while back, you mentioned making your own hot sauces and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. Could you talk a bit more about it? Maybe give a recipe or two if you’d like? 👀🌶
oops I forgot to answer this yesterday!! aight kiddos STRAP IN. note I am not the expert in this, my ma is! So im just relaying what she says. Recipe and general chatter below!
Right now she’s in the process of growing a lot more pepper plants; mostly poblano, jalapeno and carolina reaper. Her reaper plant in particular produced like crazy but she used most of them in experimenting w sauces and cooking in general (my dad eats them like candy) so right now her sauces are on hold bc she’s gotta grow more!! 
I wish i had a pic of her main carolina reaper plant bc it is HUGE. It’s well over 5ft now, she transferred it inside for winter - tyg bc we got that crazy snow mess in Texas earlier this month. She’s also been growing pepper plants from seeds; v difficult!!! she’s gonna use most of these plants and sell the rest to some interested family members.
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These are her B A B I E S. During the cold snap she was so upset and desperately trying to keep them alive, luckily they recovered and are growing super fast! They have a heating pad thing underneath, UV lamps, the window, etc. Back when they were seedlings, she kept them in these damp plastic containers to mimic a greenhouse. It was very DIY lol.
OKAY SO this is my ma’s recipe for Carolina reapers (”tell the internet its a family recipe so they better make it right!”). Honestly she’s frakensteined this from lots of other stuff; she says if you wanna mix peppers together or add herbs, go nuts! Experiment with vinegar! It’s the vinegar, herbs and peppers she alternates to make diff sauces. If you have more questions it’ll take me a bit to answer bc I gotta ask her; she’s the expert and I am NOT a cook lol.
BIG SAFETY THING first of all, this shit makes crazy fumes. It fucking burns. When handling carolina reapers in particular, the juice/oil can really burn your skin and SRSLY hurt your eyes. If you have sensitive skin to begin with it’ll super hurt. Cook with an open window or two, maybe wear protective goggles and wear gloves. Not kidding LOL
This makes 6-8 ounces of sauce!
8 Carolina Reapers 
1/2 - 1 Cup of vinegar (your choice, and however much you want)
1/2 cup olive oil
Pink himalayan salt, to taste
1 large garlic clove, crushed
1/4 cup of onion, finely chopped
Cut out the tops of the peppers, leave the seeds in. Spray the peppers lightly with spray oil, cut them in halves. 
Use olive oil to sautee the garlic and onions until they are transparent. Transfer them to a container and pat dry from oil. Add salt to taste.
Set the oven to 300 degrees. Bake the peppers for 15 minutes until lightly charred. THIS IS WHERE THE FUMES COME IN
Add all ingredients to a food processor and puree until you reach the texture (chunky or crushed) that you like. Drain out any extra liquid when you’re done.
If you want a very chunky sauce that you can scoop out, leave the pulp. 
If you don’t want pulp, you can still keep a high level of heat leave the juice + seeds in the mixture after draining the pulp.
Place in a mason jar or tightly sealed bottle and let the flavors combine. Store in fridge, wait 1-2 days to test.
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faithylilac · 3 years
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The party party part 4
Cj and Carter were sitting by a tree, a bit away from the rest of their group. Carter was quietly saying “Nyah” over and over, rocking themselves back and forth. Poor CJ didn’t know what to do to calm them down. “Carter, sorry if this seems rude. What would you do if we stumble upon some very evil dude with a stupid mustache and a cat?” The goddess asked her nymph friend. Carter stopped sobbing and look at her with a straight face, “cry.”
But unbeknownst to them, the large group was coming up from behind them. “Hey Carter, look at this looser!” Dax appeared with a knocked out monk in A baby carrier on his back. Carter starts screaming and climbs up the tree. “Crap, did the paper bag fall of?” The god ask, trying to look behind him. “I got it.” Cj stomps at the ground and a giant tulip appears. She snips off the bulb and shoves it down on the cat boy monk’s head. “Ok Carter, scary Nyah Nyah boy is gone now!” Cj shouted from the base of the tree. Carter then jumped down from the tree and looked completely fine and not as if he was crying for twenty minutes.
Carter seemed to have calmed down completely, even though all they did was shove a flower on a passed out cat boy. Faithy, Echo, and the two new guest finally caught up with everyone and Faithy was hyped. “Cj, Carter! You gotta meet Jo and Ash! They’re gonna show us how to get to the nearest village.” Faithy announced, but ummmmm she forgot something.
“Yeah, I’m Jo, that’s Ash.” The taller one intruded herself and stuck her hand out for Carter to shake it. Carter screamed in her face and ran back up the tree. “CARTER! YOU WILL COME DOWN AND APOLOGIZE!” Faithy screamed at him, just causing him to screech uncontrollably. Faithy turned to Ash and Jo and smiled sweetly. “I’m sorry for his behavior, and I’m sorry for mine.” Without a moment to question what she said, she pulls out her mace and starts hacking at the tree.
Ash and Jo looked over to the other party members, out of fear? Eh, mainly confusion. But judging by their expressions, this was a normal Tuesday. They look back the priestess and she’s gotten through most of tree and kicks it down. Carter was in fact screaming the whole time, but it got louder as the tree fell with him in it. It made a loud clash and the two conscious cat people reconsider their life choices.
“Faithy, you could have just asked me to come down.” Carter said as he got up unscathed. “Sorry, my bad dude.” Faithy replied as she dust herself off.
“Now apologize to our new friends.” Carter apparently forgot they were there and start screaming yet again. But he was screaming so much his throat ran dry and started choking on his own saliva and passed out. Yes that’s how that works— I DON’T CARE WHAT GOOGLE SAYS.
“Dax, do we have another baby carrier?” Echo asked. “Yeah, but I’m already carrying Mr Ed Sheeran jr.” Dax shook about and the monk’s limbs just flopped around. “Dang, I would carry Carter, but my shoes don’t have the support for it.”
“I mean, can’t you just leave him on that conveniently placed pole right there?” Cj spoke up while pointing at a weird pole sticking out of the ground. They all nodded, and Dax went to stick the monk on the pole.
“Anyway, sorry about Carter. They’re highly afraid of cats for some reason. We haven’t unlocked that part of his backstory yet.” Faithy explained to their new friends. They just nod, not sure what to do. They’re just afraid because they’re gonna be stuck with these lunatics for a while.
After a few hours, they all arrive at a town. With hope in her eyes, Faithy looks for an inn, hoping to skip a tavern this time around, as that normally gets the group into trouble. Behold! The first thing she lays her eyes on is a sign that says, “completely empty inn that’s super cheep that can house your family of 7!” Hopefully no crazy bald man screams about family while they’re there.
“Ok. So, I need a room for my precious family of seven. How can I acquire such a luxury?” The priestess asked the innkeeper. Of course it was the inn keeper, it would be really awkward if that was a random guest...... Dax was doing that on the other side of the room. He was very surprised when Faithy was able to acquire a room and he wasn’t.
They all pile into the room which had 7 beds, which is weird cause you’d think the parents would share one— but good for this inn for making accommodations for single parents. “Ok. What do we do now? Carter is passed out and you’ve banned us from going to the pub.” Cj asked, it was pretty much on everyone’s minds. Faithy eyes went wide, she forgot to actually explain crucial details.
“OKAY! Echo, please wake up Carter and we’ll get this party started.” Echo got up and went over to bed Dax threw him down on and leaned over him. Echo looked rather princely today, maybe it was going to wake it’s love with true love’s kiss? No, cause kissing unconscious people without their consent is weird and creepy and not romantic so don’t do it. “Carter wake up, there are seals.” The nymph immediately shot up and nearly smacked echo in the head with his own.
“Ok, I was lied to. Echo I can’t believe you... actually I can, I just don’t like this current situation.” Carter replied. Echo quickly scooped him up in it’s arms and carried the nymph over to the others. “Dang, Carter coming in style. But alas, no one wishes to carry me!” Dax said dramatically. The blue boy and the goth wizard just roll their eyes and sit down.
“OKAY! So I’ve been lacking in the leader department as of late so.... after this meeting, someone else is getting the leader stick.” Faithy announced. Of course that kinda confused half the people there, man imagine almost doubling your group in a day. “Anyway. I’ll let Jo and Ash explained who they are, then Cj, and I guess it would be polite if the people that have been together for more than a day explain ourselves.” She explained. Everyone seemed chill with that arrangement.
Jo stood up, with her cloak still on. “Hi, so my name is Jo— some people call me Jojo, kinda bizarre if you just add on to my name to make a nickname... anyway...” she then pulled out a map. “Ash is traveling musician and I’m his protection. Anyway, he is going to preform for the sacred protector of Bees up north.” Jo explained while outlining their rout on the map.
“Apparently she’s getting married or something.” Ash cut in and Jo nodded. “Anyway, your leader realized you will be heading north for a while and decided traveling in a big group would be beneficial for everyone.” The bard explained.
“Perfect! Anyway, Cj, your turn. A lot happened since we met, I don’t think we remember much of what you told us.” Faithy said, trying to move things along.
A big weight fell off Cj’s chest. She knew she said things about herself that she’s shouldn’t have, it was a relief on her part. “Well, I have a good relationship with plant life. They will help me out when I call on them or when I don’t... the plants tend to sense when I’m in distress.” She explained as she conjured a vine to come closer that was peaking from the window.
“But I also ran a flower shop that I inherited from— my grandmother... yes her... well she was like a grandmother to me.” Cj quickly shut down, feeling as if she had said too much.
“Anyway, I know everyone is dying to know about me! Hi I’m Echo, I’m super hot I know. I kinda just tuned into lizards. I tried the bug thing, I hated it and went back to lizards cause they’re super cool and swaggy.” Echo said dramatically. “And don’t feel like you have to stay with one kind of magic! What do you need themes for? That’s super mega lame— it’s pretty sussy baka moment.”
Ahhhhh Echo, never failed to speak it’s mind. It’s an inspiration to us all, making people wanting to be their true selves— NO IM NOT PROJECTING... Echo is just an honest person that will tell you when it is adventuring out with others instead of being like “oh yeah, I got to go to sleep”
“I’m Carter, I’m blue, I like seals.” Carter got straight to the point I guess. “Also if someone looks rich, they won’t be much longer. Hehe knifes.”
Faithy just blinks at him slowly. She sighs, just grateful he isn’t screaming at the cat people.
“Hey mortals, I’m Dax, I’m also God. Right now I can sense the nararator wants to make a stupid joke, but they know I would kill them if they did.” Dax piped in. Wait a diddly darn minute, why would I want to make the joke “Dax the—“
“I would tell the tale of how I stumbled across my current favorite mortals, but it’s just not as fun when there aren’t any drunk people around.” Dax took a lean back in the chair that just randomly appeared and started dozing off.
“Hi, I’m Faithy.” The priestess simply ignored her friend and went on. “I was left at the temple as a baby, very generic I know. Anyway, someone left what I thought was a delicious lasagna in my office, so I decided to chow down. What I didn’t know was that was the sacred offering of one the most important nights of the year.... anyway I’m on the run from a whole religion....” she sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest.
At one point I wasn’t sure I was gonna get this far with this story, But here I am! Who do you think the new leader should be? Idk, I haven’t thought that far ahead.
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artificialqueens · 4 years
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Signed, Sealed, Delivered, Chapter 1 (Crygi, Jan x Nicky) - Joley
ao3 link
“Mail call!” Crystal called out, even though it was only her and Jan in the apartment. She sorted the pile out between the two of them, ending up with two slightly messy stacks. “Looks like you got an international package!”
That brought Jan barreling out of her room, nearly slipping on the rug on her way in. She grabbed onto the counter to support herself, taking a gasp of air before standing upright. “Oh yay!” She grabbed the package with the enthusiasm of a kid on Christmas morning and took it back to her room along with the rest of her pile, not bothering to close the door behind her.
Crystal chuckled, looking over to see her cat perched on the couch, staring into Jan’s bedroom with something of a perplexed expression. “It’s nothing for you, Tic. But maybe she’ll let you play in the box,” she mused before her gaze drifted back to her pile of mail, sifting through what inevitably turned out to be nothing but junk. With nothing else of her immediate interest, she wandered into her roommate’s room, sitting on the bed while Jan was at her desk. “What’d you get?”
Jan carefully opened the box, gliding the box cutter down the tape seams so she didn’t have to rip and yank and risk tearing anything inside. She took the neatly folded letter out first, holding it to her face and taking a deep inhale. The scent of patchouli and vanilla wafted into her nose and made her smile. It was the smell she most associated with Nicky, every package and letter she sent came laced with the aroma of her perfume.
“Bonjour, mon petite poupée,” she started to read, ignoring the way Crystal started to laugh at her butchering of the French phrases. “I hope spring is as beautiful there as it is here. I have sent you a box of macarons—I enjoy them year-round, but my mother always loved to bake them the most this time of year. I wanted to send you some of hers, but hopefully bakery ones will suffice. I’d love it if you FaceTime or Skype me when you get them, I want to see your live reaction, and I sent you enough to share with Crystal, so be nice. Until then, câlins et bisous, Nicky.”
Jan smiled broadly as she finished reading the letter, noticing the lipstick kiss print that Nicky signed off every letter with, and gently set it aside. “Okay, it’s like nine at night where she is, she’ll still be up,” she said as she took the pastel box tied neatly with a white lace bow out of the package. “Oh look, this is so cute.” She took out another piece of paper where Nicky had hand-drawn each macaron and wrote the flavor next to it, making a color-coded guide. “Isn’t she so sweet and thoughtful?”
“She told you to share, so yes.” Crystal chuckled, running her hand through her hair to look presentable while Jan called Nicky on Skype.
Nicky answered the call right away. “Hi Jan! Hi Crystal!” She greeted them with energy even though she was dressed for bedtime, wearing a black tank top and white cotton shorts (the latter not being visible in the frame). Her hair was damp, air-drying, and draped over her desk chair. “Did you get my mail?”
Jan nodded, holding the box up for her to see. “Just did. Thank you so much, Nicks. That’s so sweet of you.”
“Of course, I’m still making my way through the gift basket you sent for my birthday. I have opinions on all the different Oreo flavors.” Nicky giggled. They had gotten into a discussion about all the different flavors of the cookie, and she had become obsessed with the idea of trying the variety. So, when her birthday rolled around, Jan had painstakingly arranged a cookie bouquet (along with a few other treats) with as many flavors as she could find.
In the year they’d been communicating, Nicky had both come to expect Jan to go the extra mile and would still be surprised every time. The university course that had brought them together through its pen pal program certainly didn’t require an exchange of presents, but it started with Jan not being to help herself and (unbeknownst to Nicky) progressed into an ever-present desire to impress her.
“We can get to that next, I’m really excited to try these. Which one is your favorite?” Jan asked as she took the bow off the box without untying it and opened it up. “Oooh, it still smells fresh-baked.”
Nicky grinned as she watched her, opening up a bottle of rosé and pouring herself a glass. “I am partial to the red velvet and the apricot.”
Jan licked her lips. “You know I love red velvet.” She plucked the deep red cookie from the box before handing it to Crystal, who was making grabby-hands at it. She waited for her friend to choose and set the box down on her desk. “On three.” She counted down, then took a bite. “Holy shit.” She covered her mouth, not wanting to talk with her mouth full. “Nicks, these are delicious. You’re gonna have to send these on the regular.”
Crystal was enjoying herself just as much. “Is there a word for like, food horny? You know, like it tastes so good, I’m kind of turned on?”
Nicky snorted and Jan looked down and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Just say you like it, Crystal.”
“I do,” she confirmed, then looked down at her phone. “Anyway, gotta go. Bye Nicky, thanks for the cookies!” She waved at the screen before darting right out of the room.
Jan chuckled, knowing exactly what propelled Crystal out of the room so quickly and shouted “Tell Gigi I said hi!” after her. Then she faced forward again, her attention effortlessly returned to Nicky. “Anyway, how have you been?” “No complainings,” Nicky hummed, aimlessly strumming her fingers against her glass. “Did you get around to listening to that study playlist I sent you?”
“Oh my god yeah, I forgot to say anything because I kept listening to it after I was done studying and fell asleep,” Jan admitted with a laugh. “You have impeccable taste.”
She twirled her slowly drying hair around her manicured finger. “Tell me something I do not know, darling.” She winked.
Jan’s breath hitched in her throat and she covered it with a cough. Nicky exuded a seductive beauty so effortlessly and it didn’t take much for Jan to get flustered. If their friendship wasn’t exclusively long distance, her crush would have been impossible for Nicky or anyone else to not pick up on. Hell, Crystal only knew because she had been aching for the release of gushing about her feelings and her roommate lent a willing ear. “Last time I did that, we ended up talking about juice boxes for an hour,” she retorted once her body had unclenched.
Nicky chuckled softly at the memory. It was so easy for them to go off on tangents about the smallest things. It was probably her favorite part of her conversations with Jan, everything flowed so easily, awkward silence simply didn’t exist between them. “That is true,” she conceded. “But I’ve got to go eat dinner. We’ll talk tomorrow, yes?”
“Go eat.” She never quite grasped how Nicky always ate dinner so late at night, but she had all but memorized her schedule by now. “Au revoir,” she cooed, just because she knew it would make her laugh, and waved as she ended the call.
——
When Crystal got the text ‘come hang out, im done with class,’ she was out the door before she even sent ‘ok.’ Gigi was a junior while she and Jan were seniors, but all of them going to the same university had their schedules aligning relatively often. But she and Jan were living off-campus, so she didn’t want to waste any time on getting to her.
“Hey.” Gigi smiled, greeting her best friend with a hug. “Come on, we’re going on a coffee run,” she said, leading the way. Her direct nature was something Crystal had appreciated—she didn’t ask questions, she made statements, and it came off as harsh to some, but Crystal was terrible at making daily decisions, so she was happy to leave it in her hands.
“Sounds good. You should come over soon, Jan got these amazing French cookies from Nicky. I think she’ll let us steal some,” Crystal mused, linking their arms as they walked.
“Cool.” She nodded. “Has Jan told Nicky she’s in love with her yet?” It had come up in conversation in the past, leading to Crystal giving the entire backstory of Jan and Nicky’s relationship. Luckily, Jan hadn’t held it against her and could live with one more person knowing the truth.
Crystal laughed softly and shook her head. “Nope. But, you know, you can’t push someone to admit how they feel if they aren’t ready.” Her tone was a bit strained in the remark, looking straight ahead as she spoke.
But Gigi didn’t notice the shift in her voice anyway. “That’s stupid,” she said flatly. “They’re like, four thousand miles apart, what’s the worst that could happen?”
“Feelings are feelings.” She shrugged as they entered the café. Of course, she could relate to what Jan was going through, but as far as she was concerned, her situation was worse. A pen pal could be out of sight and out of mind, she reasoned. But having a crush on your best friend made day-to-day life excruciating. She was constantly torn between the desire to distance herself so her emotions didn’t overwhelm, and the powerful urge to spend as much time and be as physically close to Gigi as possible. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the latter would always win. “So, how’s your final project going?”
Gigi let out an exasperated groan. “God, I’m killing myself making a dress for the wedding I’ll never have,” she lamented. “I never want to see white lace again once I’m done with it.”
Crystal winced, averting her gaze. “You don’t think you’ll ever get married?”
“Not the takeaway here, Crys,” she rolled her eyes, but there was still fondness in her expression. “Listen, I’ve made it this far in life without a relationship, maybe that’s just my destiny. I’ll just be far too busy taking over the fashion industry to worry about it.”
It wasn’t a personal rejection, but it was painfully difficult for Crystal not to take it as one. Her heart ached and her chest felt heavy with a sudden sadness, coupled with her active efforts not to let it show. “No, yeah, I get it.”
Gigi rubbed her arm gently. “Don’t let my cynicism ruin that hopeless romantic in you. It gives me hope in this cold, dark world.” She looked into her eyes, silently offering the apology she was just a little too proud to verbalize.
Crystal lightened back up, though she was embarrassed that Gigi had such a hold on her emotions without even realizing it. “I’ll do my best.”
——
Crystal returned to the apartment just as the sun was setting. Coffee had turned to dinner and time had just slipped away from her. But when she got inside, she went right over to knock on Jan’s door, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
“Come in!”
“Jan, I had an idea!” Crystal let herself in and sat at the desk, as Jan was now in bed with her laptop.
Jan closed the laptop and set it aside. “I’m scared already,” she joked.
“No, no, no, I’m totally serious, and it’s a good idea,” Crystal insisted, shifting to sit cross-legged on the chair. “You and Nicky are like, a million miles apart and that really sucks, right?”
“Yes, thank you for reminding me.”
Crystal waved the comment off and continued. “So here’s the plan—you tell her there’s a big event that you’re going to this summer and you want her to come to visit. Dunno what the event would be, but we can worry about it later.”
The brunette tilted her head to the side. “Like graduation?”
“That’s not enough time. It has to be something that’ll happen in like, a month or something,” she explained. “But you guys will just be so excited to be together that you’ll forget about the event entirely, problem solved.”
Jan stared blankly at her friend, wondering if she had become delirious from too many all-nighters. But then she shrugged, what did she have to lose? “I’ll talk to her about it in the morning, then. It couldn’t hurt to bring up…”
“That’s the spirit!” Crystal clapped her hands together. “Let me know how it goes!” And with that, she left the room with a spring in her step.
And Jan did sleep on it, weighing out the pros and cons of creating an elaborate ruse just to get the girl she was pining after to travel overseas. It wasn’t that they hadn’t talked about visiting each other, but they could never ‘justify’ it, there was always something else they needed to focus on, or the finances just wouldn’t allow it (she wasn’t about to ask her parents to send her to France when they were already paying her bills). The more she thought about it, the more it seemed like a decent idea.
After breakfast and a shower, Jan called up Nicky on FaceTime. “Are you busy? I’ve gotta ask you something.”
“You have my undivided attention,” Nicky assured.
Jan smiled, sitting down on the couch. “So, I’ve got this big event coming up next month, and I know we haven’t been able to arrange a visit yet, but I think this would be the perfect opportunity. I really want to see you.”
Nicky tilted her head in curiosity. “I want to see you too. What is the event?”
“A wedding,” Jan answered confidently. She had decided that it would make perfect sense for the time of year.
“I love weddings.” Nicky’s face lit up. “Whose is it?”
Fuck. Why hadn’t she planned one step further? “It’s…” At that moment, she somehow forgot the name of everyone she had ever known for a brief moment, and she wanted to yell at Crystal for giving her this stupid idea in the first place and—
“Crystal and Gigi’s,” she blurted out.
Nicky knew Crystal had a romantic interest in Gigi just from passing conversations, but she had never quite pieced together the nature of their relationship. She was a little surprised at how serious it apparently was, but decided there was no need to question it. “Oh, good for them. I’ll have to double-check, but I think I will be able to be your plus one.”
Jan didn’t realize she had been holding her breath until she exhaled in relief. “Great! I’m so excited, I’m sure Crystal will be thrilled to hear it.”
“Send her my good wishes, I have to get to class, though,” Nicky replied, exchanging goodbyes before the call ended.
“What am I gonna be thrilled to hear?” Crystal asked as she tossed her bag into her bedroom. The door was always left open so TicTac could go in and out as he pleased. She had just returned from class, dried paint splotches still staining her fingers and palms.
Jan’s face froze. Yet another issue she had not accounted for. “Nicky is going to come visit.”
Crystal beamed triumphantly, getting ready to rub her brilliance in the other girl’s face. “See? I told you it—”
“She’s visiting for your and Gigi’s wedding.”
She blinked, looking at her incredulously. “Mine and Gigi’s what now?”
“Look, I panicked, it was the only thing I could think of. And this was your idea anyway, so if I’m going down, you’re coming to hell with me,” Jan got up as she spoke, pacing around the room as she desperately tried to figure out what to do next. “Just go with it, please.”
It had taken another moment for Crystal to fully process the information. How was she supposed to tell Gigi? What was she going to do if she couldn’t get her on board? But she didn’t want to compound Jan’s panic and make everything worse. “Well, Gigi does have a wedding dress in the works…” She looked over at her friend who was still on the verge of an anxiety attack and rushed to her side, wrapping her arms around her. “Listen, we’ll make this work. I don’t know how, but we will, I promise.”
Jan took a few deep breaths, allowing herself to be calmed down. She hugged Crystal tightly, hiding her face against her shoulder. “Where do we go from here?” Her voice couldn’t reach above a whisper.
Crystal chewed her lip as she rubbed Jan’s back. “I guess first thing’s first—I have to tell Gigi we’re getting married.”
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missjanjie · 4 years
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Signed, Sealed, Delivered | (1/?)
Title: Signed, Sealed, Delivered Summary:   Jan is in love with her French pen pal, Nicky. Her roommate, Crystal, is in love with her best friend, Gigi. A (perhaps ill-thought out) plan emerges: give Nicky a reason to visit by inviting her to Crystal and Gigi's wedding. With a month to pull the scheme together, no one knows how this will end up. Word Count: 2.8k (this chapter) Relationship(s): Sportsdoll (Jan Sport/Nicky Doll), Crygi (Crystal Methyd/Gigi Goode Rating: T (so far)
Read on AO3
also, thanks to @janssports and @imalwaysaslutfordrag for beta-ing xo
“Mail call!” Crystal called out, even though it was only her and Jan in the apartment. She sorted the pile out between the two of them, ending up with two slightly messy stacks. “Looks like you got an international package!”
That brought Jan barreling out of her room, nearly slipping on the rug on her way in. She grabbed onto the counter to support herself, taking a gasp of air before standing upright. “Oh yay!” She grabbed the package with the enthusiasm of a kid on Christmas morning and took it back to her room along with the rest of her pile, not bothering to close the door behind her.
Crystal chuckled, looking over to see her cat perched on the couch, staring into Jan’s bedroom with something of a perplexed expression. “It’s nothing for you, Tic. But maybe she’ll let you play in the box,” she mused before her gaze drifted back to her pile of mail, sifting through what inevitably turned out to be nothing but junk. With nothing else of her immediate interest, she wandered into her roommate’s room, sitting on the bed while Jan was at her desk. “What’d you get?”
Jan carefully opened the box, gliding the box cutter down the tape seams so she didn’t have to rip and yank and risk tearing anything inside. She took the neatly folded letter out first, holding it to her face and taking a deep inhale. The scent of patchouli and vanilla wafted into her nose and made her smile. It was the smell she most associated with Nicky, every package and letter she sent came laced with the aroma of her perfume.
“Bonjour, mon petite poupée,” she started to read, ignoring the way Crystal started to laugh at her butchering of the French phrases. “I hope spring is as beautiful there as it is here. I have sent you a box of macarons—I enjoy them year-round, but my mother always loved to bake them the most this time of year. I wanted to send you some of hers, but hopefully bakery ones will suffice. I’d love it if you FaceTime or Skype me when you get them, I want to see your live reaction, and I sent you enough to share with Crystal, so be nice. Until then, câlins et bisous, Nicky.”
Jan smiled broadly as she finished reading the letter, noticing the lipstick kiss print that Nicky signed off every letter with, and gently set it aside. “Okay, it’s like nine at night where she is, she’ll still be up,” she said as she took the pastel box tied neatly with a white lace bow out of the package. “Oh look, this is so cute.” She took out another piece of paper where Nicky had hand-drawn each macaron and wrote the flavor next to it, making a color-coded guide. “Isn’t she so sweet and thoughtful?”
“She told you to share, so yes.” Crystal chuckled, running her hand through her hair to look presentable while Jan called Nicky on Skype.
Nicky answered the call right away. “Hi Jan! Hi Crystal!” She greeted them with energy even though she was dressed for bedtime, wearing a black tank top and white cotton shorts (the latter not being visible in the frame). Her hair was damp, air-drying, and draped over her desk chair. “Did you get my mail?”
Jan nodded, holding the box up for her to see. “Just did. Thank you so much, Nicks. That’s so sweet of you.”
“Of course, I’m still making my way through the gift basket you sent for my birthday. I have opinions on all the different Oreo flavors.” Nicky giggled. They had gotten into a discussion about all the different flavors of the cookie, and she had become obsessed with the idea of trying the variety. So, when her birthday rolled around, Jan had painstakingly arranged a cookie bouquet (along with a few other treats) with as many flavors as she could find.
In the year they’d been communicating, Nicky had both come to expect Jan to go the extra mile and would still be surprised every time. The university course that had brought them together through its pen pal program certainly didn’t require an exchange of presents, but it started with Jan not being to help herself and (unbeknownst to Nicky) progressed into an ever-present desire to impress her.
“We can get to that next, I’m really excited to try these. Which one is your favorite?” Jan asked as she took the bow off the box without untying it and opened it up. “Oooh, it still smells fresh-baked.”
Nicky grinned as she watched her, opening up a bottle of rosé and pouring herself a glass. “I am partial to the red velvet and the apricot.”
Jan licked her lips. “You know I love red velvet.” She plucked the deep red cookie from the box before handing it to Crystal, who was making grabby-hands at it. She waited for her friend to choose and set the box down on her desk. “On three.” She counted down, then took a bite. “Holy shit.” She covered her mouth, not wanting to talk with her mouth full. “Nicks, these are delicious. You’re gonna have to send these on the regular.”
Crystal was enjoying herself just as much. “Is there a word for like, food horny? You know, like it tastes so good, I’m kind of turned on?”
Nicky snorted and Jan looked down and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Just say you like it, Crystal.”
“I do,” she confirmed, then looked down at her phone. “Anyway, gotta go. Bye Nicky, thanks for the cookies!” She waved at the screen before darting right out of the room.
Jan chuckled, knowing exactly what propelled Crystal out of the room so quickly and shouted “Tell Gigi I said hi!” after her. Then she faced forward again, her attention effortlessly returned to Nicky. “Anyway, how have you been?” “No complainings,” Nicky hummed, aimlessly strumming her fingers against her glass. “Did you get around to listening to that study playlist I sent you?”
“Oh my god yeah, I forgot to say anything because I kept listening to it after I was done studying and fell asleep,” Jan admitted with a laugh. “You have impeccable taste.”
She twirled her slowly drying hair around her manicured finger. “Tell me something I do not know, darling.” She winked.
Jan’s breath hitched in her throat and she covered it with a cough. Nicky exuded a seductive beauty so effortlessly and it didn’t take much for Jan to get flustered. If their friendship wasn’t exclusively long distance, her crush would have been impossible for Nicky or anyone else to not pick up on. Hell, Crystal only knew because she had been aching for the release of gushing about her feelings and her roommate lent a willing ear. “Last time I did that, we ended up talking about juice boxes for an hour,” she retorted once her body had unclenched.
Nicky chuckled softly at the memory. It was so easy for them to go off on tangents about the smallest things. It was probably her favorite part of her conversations with Jan, everything flowed so easily, awkward silence simply didn’t exist between them. “That is true,” she conceded. “But I’ve got to go eat dinner. We’ll talk tomorrow, yes?”
“Go eat.” She never quite grasped how Nicky always ate dinner so late at night, but she had all but memorized her schedule by now. “Au revoir,” she cooed, just because she knew it would make her laugh, and waved as she ended the call.
------
When Crystal got the text ‘come hang out, im done with class,’ she was out the door before she even sent ‘ok.’ Gigi was a junior while she and Jan were seniors, but all of them going to the same university had their schedules aligning relatively often. But she and Jan were living off-campus, so she didn’t want to waste any time on getting to her.
“Hey.” Gigi smiled, greeting her best friend with a hug. “Come on, we’re going on a coffee run,” she said, leading the way. Her direct nature was something Crystal had appreciated—she didn’t ask questions, she made statements, and it came off as harsh to some, but Crystal was terrible at making daily decisions, so she was happy to leave it in her hands.
“Sounds good. You should come over soon, Jan got these amazing French cookies from Nicky. I think she’ll let us steal some,” Crystal mused, linking their arms as they walked.
“Cool.” She nodded. “Has Jan told Nicky she’s in love with her yet?” It had come up in conversation in the past, leading to Crystal giving the entire backstory of Jan and Nicky’s relationship. Luckily, Jan hadn’t held it against her and could live with one more person knowing the truth.
Crystal laughed softly and shook her head. “Nope. But, you know, you can’t push someone to admit how they feel if they aren’t ready.” Her tone was a bit strained in the remark, looking straight ahead as she spoke.
But Gigi didn’t notice the shift in her voice anyway. “That’s stupid,” she said flatly. “They’re like, four thousand miles apart, what’s the worst that could happen?”
“Feelings are feelings.” She shrugged as they entered the café. Of course, she could relate to what Jan was going through, but as far as she was concerned, her situation was worse. A pen pal could be out of sight and out of mind, she reasoned. But having a crush on your best friend made day-to-day life excruciating. She was constantly torn between the desire to distance herself so her emotions didn’t overwhelm, and the powerful urge to spend as much time and be as physically close to Gigi as possible. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the latter would always win. “So, how’s your final project going?”
Gigi let out an exasperated groan. “God, I’m killing myself making a dress for the wedding I’ll never have,” she lamented. “I never want to see white lace again once I’m done with it.”
Crystal winced, averting her gaze. “You don’t think you’ll ever get married?”
“Not the takeaway here, Crys,” she rolled her eyes, but there was still fondness in her expression. “Listen, I’ve made it this far in life without a relationship, maybe that’s just my destiny. I’ll just be far too busy taking over the fashion industry to worry about it.”
It wasn’t a personal rejection, but it was painfully difficult for Crystal not to take it as one. Her heart ached and her chest felt heavy with a sudden sadness, coupled with her active efforts not to let it show. “No, yeah, I get it.”
Gigi rubbed her arm gently. “Don’t let my cynicism ruin that hopeless romantic in you. It gives me hope in this cold, dark world.” She looked into her eyes, silently offering the apology she was just a little too proud to verbalize.
Crystal lightened back up, though she was embarrassed that Gigi had such a hold on her emotions without even realizing it. “I’ll do my best.”
------
Crystal returned to the apartment just as the sun was setting. Coffee had turned to dinner and time had just slipped away from her. But when she got inside, she went right over to knock on Jan’s door, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
“Come in!”
“Jan, I had an idea!” Crystal let herself in and sat at the desk, as Jan was now in bed with her laptop.
Jan closed the laptop and set it aside. “I’m scared already,” she joked.
“No, no, no, I’m totally serious, and it’s a good idea,” Crystal insisted, shifting to sit cross-legged on the chair. “You and Nicky are like, a million miles apart and that really sucks, right?”
“Yes, thank you for reminding me.”
Crystal waved the comment off and continued. “So here’s the plan—you tell her there’s a big event that you’re going to this summer and you want her to come to visit. Dunno what the event would be, but we can worry about it later.”
The brunette tilted her head to the side. “Like graduation?”
“That’s not enough time. It has to be something that’ll happen in like, a month or something,” she explained. “But you guys will just be so excited to be together that you’ll forget about the event entirely, problem solved.”
Jan stared blankly at her friend, wondering if she had become delirious from too many all-nighters. But then she shrugged, what did she have to lose? “I’ll talk to her about it in the morning, then. It couldn’t hurt to bring up…”
“That’s the spirit!” Crystal clapped her hands together. “Let me know how it goes!” And with that, she left the room with a spring in her step.
And Jan did sleep on it, weighing out the pros and cons of creating an elaborate ruse just to get the girl she was pining after to travel overseas. It wasn’t that they hadn’t talked about visiting each other, but they could never ‘justify’ it, there was always something else they needed to focus on, or the finances just wouldn’t allow it (she wasn’t about to ask her parents to send her to France when they were already paying her bills). The more she thought about it, the more it seemed like a decent idea.
After breakfast and a shower, Jan called up Nicky on FaceTime. “Are you busy? I’ve gotta ask you something.”
“You have my undivided attention,” Nicky assured.
Jan smiled, sitting down on the couch. “So, I’ve got this big event coming up next month, and I know we haven’t been able to arrange a visit yet, but I think this would be the perfect opportunity. I really want to see you.”
Nicky tilted her head in curiosity. “I want to see you too. What is the event?”
“A wedding,” Jan answered confidently. She had decided that it would make perfect sense for the time of year.
“I love weddings.” Nicky’s face lit up. “Whose is it?”
Fuck. Why hadn’t she planned one step further? “It’s…” At that moment, she somehow forgot the name of everyone she had ever known for a brief moment, and she wanted to yell at Crystal for giving her this stupid idea in the first place and—
“Crystal and Gigi’s,” she blurted out.
Nicky knew Crystal had a romantic interest in Gigi just from passing conversations, but she had never quite pieced together the nature of their relationship. She was a little surprised at how serious it apparently was, but decided there was no need to question it. “Oh, good for them. I’ll have to double-check, but I think I will be able to be your plus one.”
Jan didn’t realize she had been holding her breath until she exhaled in relief. “Great! I’m so excited, I’m sure Crystal will be thrilled to hear it.”
“Send her my good wishes, I have to get to class, though,” Nicky replied, exchanging goodbyes before the call ended.
“What am I gonna be thrilled to hear?” Crystal asked as she tossed her bag into her bedroom. The door was always left open so TicTac could go in and out as he pleased. She had just returned from class, dried paint splotches still staining her fingers and palms.
Jan’s face froze. Yet another issue she had not accounted for. “Nicky is going to come visit.”
Crystal beamed triumphantly, getting ready to rub her brilliance in the other girl’s face. “See? I told you it—”
“She’s visiting for your and Gigi’s wedding.”
She blinked, looking at her incredulously. “Mine and Gigi’s what now?”
“Look, I panicked, it was the only thing I could think of. And this was your idea anyway, so if I’m going down, you’re coming to hell with me,” Jan got up as she spoke, pacing around the room as she desperately tried to figure out what to do next. “Just go with it, please.”
It had taken another moment for Crystal to fully process the information. How was she supposed to tell Gigi? What was she going to do if she couldn’t get her on board? But she didn’t want to compound Jan’s panic and make everything worse. “Well, Gigi does have a wedding dress in the works…” She looked over at her friend who was still on the verge of an anxiety attack and rushed to her side, wrapping her arms around her. “Listen, we’ll make this work. I don’t know how, but we will, I promise.”
Jan took a few deep breaths, allowing herself to be calmed down. She hugged Crystal tightly, hiding her face against her shoulder. “Where do we go from here?” Her voice couldn’t reach above a whisper.
Crystal chewed her lip as she rubbed Jan’s back. “I guess first thing's first—I have to tell Gigi we’re getting married.”
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Text
Coraline, I miss you.
You know what's funny,
This is the first time, in a long time,
Where I actually didn't cry by the end of our story.
Like I was shocked for a moment, like:
"Why do I feel ok?"
"Why am I not angry or sad?"
"Or ready to toss myself out of a window?"
It’s because we've already died once. I've accepted this death.
My soul has felt like this, twice maybe nearly three times....ok maybe 16 if you’re including childhood. Heartbreak don't phase me no more. It’s required when falling in love with someone like you. Someone who has ripped through people so many times as the same had been done to you as a child.
But Jesus rose again each time.
He has gotten me through every hell hole with you.
I shall fear no evil.
No longer do I fear the love in my heart for you either.
I dont have to do anything. I dont have to say anything.
I can just be here, chilling, living my life, as I should.
Helping myself to a pack of gummy worms
That I forgot was on the floor.
And there’s nothing you can do about it. 
Im not choosing to be bitter.
Im not choosing to be scared that my ex lovers might kidnap me, kill me, or break my heart again in the future.
(I might have these thoughts in the back of my head...)
But for what? Because of the past?
I know who they are and I know my God.
"God is bigger than the boogie man"
He will protect me from Peter Pan, Captain Hook, and his crew of theives.
Im not crying in pain anymore.
My wounds are sealed.
It’s finally been done.
Even though im still in love with you, yet left me with none in return.
I know you still burn a secret torch for me.
And you’ll probably be the last to know as you still say to yourself “its just lust”
But i did the same thing, holding myself back because I thought it was just lust and look at where it got me.
Stuck playing with you, and sipping vodka at pity parties whenever you or she called it quits.
And I'll probably be there once they realizes how to escape from the prism of prisons that they (one person; my ftm) had forced themselves into to survive their childhood:
1st- their insecurity and battle of mind
2nd- their complex view on sex, marriage, and commitment
And finally 3rd; childhood trauma.
Jay you gotta heal from your mother and your father's wounds that they gave you. Emotionally and physically.
Because the scars that you bare now, can pass on to your children if you don't grieve properly.
Showing emotion is not weak. Yes, you are going to be vulnerable. But it takes strength to show where your wounds are to somebody that you trust.
I'm sorry I lied about my involvement with Calvin to try and make you feel jealous. We're just work buddies, nothing more. It was to get back at you for making me feel jealous on purpose in Franken----, I had a feeling that you were doing it for attention from me and her, because you wanted to see how I would react. So instead, that day (and the day at the target/mall) I gave you the cold shoulder and ignored you every time you attempted to get a reaction out of me. Because I knew you were being sly and sadistic to me, you felt a dry spell between us and wanted to know if I was being mischievous or did I actually stop being interested in you?
I know its confusing, because by this point usually you would say something argumentative like "well, how do you know all that?"
And then I would say, "Clearly, its simple. I know you. Jay-Jaiden-Jocelyn. Because clearly you operate on entirely different plane of view than I. You think like 3-4 different people at a time, and that my friend sounds exhausting.
That repepetive pounding in your head is from, your father still infiltrating your mind. The one who abused you the most.
I saw this that night we got into it at your apartment. You got in my face, poked me in my chest as you said "Now you have to make the asshole."
You made the energy in the room feel cold. And I knew it wasn't you.
It was your father. You became your father's energy. You replicated that.
Because your body remembers.
You, Jay, might not remember.
But the other people in line for your spot in your mind do,
Remembers all too well. They keep your secrets safe within you.
Once the council figured out that I knew,
they got scared and tormented me for it.
Na, knows it too.
She's playing mind games on you.
But you can't see it physically.
I couldn't see it either at first.
Until I got home everytime and reflected back at what happened
In reverse.
Everything is inverted.
This whole time I thought it was you that was evil.
But its really been her.
She's been using your mind against you.
All because of cheating on her with other people over the years. It hurt her deeply. She grew numb, cold, and distant. That’s why she wants another. Because you were always looking outside from her to seek pleasure and attention.
She used to be serving, and submissive to you, but now she’s outsmarted you. She knows that you will always play outside, so she gave you a leash. Thus, a leash for herself to gift you, so she could seek her benefits elsewhere too.
She said she always felt like she needed to take care of someone or something to feel better. I think you’re still in delusion about everything staying together with her.
She said she was gonna ask me to move in with y'all! Of course I was next to have a leash. I was her next project to take care of.
I needed to get out of there. Before she had me hip to her bosom just like you.
A girl with mommy issues. 
I was next on her guest list.
She knows the key is to my heart. And the only way to get instant access is my...... “peaches.” SHE WANTED EXCLUSIVE ACCESS TO MA’ PEACHES! 
OF COURSE I RANN!
And I’m glad I did. Cause’ then you and I would have been stuck on that boat for awhile. Like her two light skinned boyfriend/girlfriends. 
I know it sounds like I have commitment issues, but tbh she was way too controlling of a girlfriend to begin with. And I see why, but still...
I know it might take awhile before you actually find this.
But please know, my intention was to help you.
But at least I found out before its too late.
That I can't.
You can't save someone who doesn’t see anything wrong with their environment. I can see you’re both hurting, but I have to let you both learn what's been going on on your own.                                  
Only you can break down the walls that your mind built yourself within.
That damn rabbit hole. I didn’t want you to fall in.
But I can see now that you already did.
And I accept that I’ve lost you. My best friend.
But you’ll come back when you are ready.
But I can't say that I’ll be the same person by the time you come back.
Because we always do.
I love them, and thats it, thats the end of it.
And I finally know its alright to feel peace
After I’ve already done all that I could.
What happened. Happened. And its up to me now to carry my own weight and pack my saddlebag for my next adventure
-✈️You’re looking at your new Flight Attendant. 
P.S. I’m earning my badges as I go. And Tumblr, I’m just venting while my therapist is on my vacation and I’m waiting to come out to my parents until I move to have a decent, stable home in New York or Connecticut somewhere...wherever...damn...imma be 25 next year wtf
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blankdblank · 4 years
Text
Next Caller Pt 30
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On your phone you got the half hour warning that your chair was arriving at your home and you couldn’t help but make a quick stop first before going home. Parking in the lot you hurried around the building and between the random people inside still swooning and speculating what was next. Grinning upon seeing you Balin watched your easing around the counter straight for his distracted cousin’s side while he was mid grind fully unaware of your arrival yet. Wide eyed a moment at the arms latched around his middle Thorin froze and glanced down perfecting the picture perfect moment Dwalin captured on his phone, a soppy grin melting onto his face noticing it was you in your step back.
“I can’t tell you yet, but I have to go wait for my chair delivery, see you in a bit for the zoo.” Turning away from him you trotted to the back door heading back to your scooter to drive home again.
Looking to his cousins Thorin’s grin held as he croaked out in an awkward chuckle, “What was that?”
Balin shrugged and Dwalin said, “Must be one hell of a chair to hug you and dart off.”
Balin said, “We’ll find out in a bit. You can get a picture when you go to pick her up.” Turning back to his mixture he let his mind wander while your usual fan club were sighing at the new update to their real life romantic drama.
.
Inside your garage again you were sealed and from there you hurried to remind the birds of your guests coming. It wasn’t long after when the truck arrived and a pair of men unloaded the chair that they wheeled to the front door then had to lift and carry through the house to your study behind you. While they carried it you held the tablet you had signed for the delivery with and at the desk you grinned at the pair guiding them back out thanking them after passing the tablet back. With their cart they went back to their truck hoping to get an early start on their next stop which was taking up most of what remained in their truck. Hurrying out the door you checked your mail finding a couple letters from children of one of your friends excited to show off pictures they had drawn of their garden you enjoyed swinging in with them on visits.
Back to your study you went and added the pictures to a cubby with more you were going to hang somewhere then turned to trot over to your chair. Grinning madly you sat on the chair crossing your legs allowing you to hold your desk and turn around in a circle. A few more circles and you hopped up heading back to the front door where you smirked seeing Thorin holding a to go mug saying, “I gotta see this chair.” Roac on his shoulder took off to go greet the other Ravens before focusing on Dot.
Stepping back your grin spread and he chuckled following you back to the study where he smiled seeing the chair nearly identical to your lounge in the study along the opposite wall. “I thought it might be good to have it match the lounge, and it’s pretty comfy. It spins too.”
He chuckled and said, “Well I’m glad you splurged. You deserve it, and it does fit the style. It didn’t set you back too far?”
“No,” you said shaking your head, “I got my first trust payment, from my father’s clan. Thought I’d try to see how I felt after buying something. I’m not going crazy, probably not gonna touch it again for a while, but I’m ok.”
“That’s great to hear.” He said wetting his lips and looking you over, “About the hug?”
“I have news,” you squeaked out widening his grin again.
“Can you tell me yet?” You shook your head and he chuckled nodding his head to the side, “Come on then. Must be good news if you had to hug someone.”
“Oooh,” accepting the to go mug he offered you, “thank you.”
“The citrus one you like.”
“Nice,” you said lifting the mug for a sip while he led you to the door and watched you hang up your bag and palm your keys you pocketed after locking the house behind you.
.
Together in a group the Durins were waiting, mostly the men aside from Mal and Tili. After the long drive your mug was empty and in a similar short and tank top combo complete with open flannel you matched Mal and Tili. The pair of whom grouped around you and remained there on the way in after the purchase of the admission tickets by the guys at their insistence. From exhibit to exhibit you went stealing pictures with Thorin continuing to steal glances at you until he felt your poke at his side and he smirked seeing the Dik-Dik exhibit.
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Shaking his head he joined you and Mal on your way to browse through the deer and antelope breeds. Pictures were taken, including one that Dwalin took with you and Thorin in front of a close by Dik-Dik in the mini almost interactive grazing area walkway. Giraffes were next and large cats next to finish off the usual savannah dwelling creatures heading into forests and mountain animals. Frodo especially loved the lions and other large cats, while Mal went crazy loving the bear exhibit.
Before leaving around a reserved table in one of the in park restaurants your head turned to Tili as she asked, “Jaqi, weekends still free?”
After licking the last bit of sauce off your lower lip you caught her eye with a nod, “As far as I know.”
“Good,” she said with a widening grin, “You should join us this weekend.”
Mal’s smile popped wider and she nodded making you look between her and your grinning boss while Thorin grumbled around his mouthful. Frerin smiled saying, “Yes, you should definitely come see the family home. Gran and Amad have been aching to meet you.”
“I, wouldn’t want to im-,”
Tili shook her head and was joined by nearly all he guys in saying, “No imposition.”
Dwalin, “You should come, we’re all going to be away and we’d hate to leave you without your usual tea fix, Thorin’s got his own little herb garden special at the house so you’ll get his best home brews.”
“I, suppose,” you said glancing at Mal, whose hand landed on yours with an excited squeak.
Finishing lowering her glass she said, “Tomorrow, you, me, we are buying you a bikini.”
“I-,”
Frerin, “We do have a pool, and private lakes on the grounds.”
Tili nodded, “Plus the waterfall near the cliffs. We leave Friday night to fly out.”
“Fly?”
Thorin by then had swallowed his mouthful and said, “Our land is a few hours drive, straddling the border of Erebor and the Grey Mountains. It’s just a forty minute flight.”
“Ok, is it another, casual thing, or..?”
Balin answered, “Strictly casual, just family. If you wanted a simple dress for dinner that would be up to you.”
Tili said, “Sundress, something far from extravagant, if you spent the whole weekend in your pj’s we wouldn’t mind, Dis probably will be showing off her sweats for most of it. Even dinners will mostly be on the back courtyard cooked on the grill no doubt.”
You nodded and lowered your gaze to your plate to slice off another bite while they bled into what you all could do there before Thorin added, “Plus, don’t worry about leaving Roac with Dot alone, he’s coming with us, wouldn’t miss the trip to see his Amad.”
A final tour of the nocturnal section was on your way out and back in his car Thorin looked you over making you say, “I know I don’t have to go. Just wondering what I’m gonna pack.”
“What you usually wear should be fine. They won’t give you a hard time.”
“Is this another Mal courting thing?”
Thorin chuckled and replied, “In a way. Mainly to allow them supervised time together on a vacation since the boys are away often.”
“So no actual buffering then?”
Again he chuckled, “No.”
Music and innocent chatting while you both un-tensed from the slightly confusing trip to the zoo you had both imagined to be far more flirtatious on your parts only to be surpassed by the snuggling trio stealing pecks and embraces where they could mostly leading you and Thorin to man their phones to capture their pictures. The clearly established relationship had taken the forefront of the focus between stops you would all shift to the toddlers to ensure they were being given ample attention as well. It was a bit hard to not be jealous but then again you really had no reason to be. There was no courtship and if one was to start it certainly wouldn’t be in that setting with that crowd all watching so intently.
.
Open suitcase on the bed you eyed your clothes hanging in your closet and began to add simple clothes. Jeans, shorts, socks of an ample amount along with underwear. Tank tops and t shirts with a few flannels and a sweater just in case. A couple simple dressier things were chosen, a mint sundress, collard and sleeveless, layered for sway and to add a more feminine touch to the style. With that a layered sleeveless tan polka doted top with a navy skirt to match, in case something far dressier was planned you added a simple long sleeved yellow lace layered dress with your new heels and some thigh high stockings. Grumbling to yourself as to what you might choose for a swim suit only to cover your head with your pillow mid groan hoping that you could remain calm near the pool. It had been a long time since you had swam and that was in a secluded pool with just you alone on Celeborn’s property. Either way you were invited and you couldn’t be rude and back out now. Just hoping that the pool time would be kept to a minimum and you wouldn’t be a bother to anyone by spoiling their fun.
.
Four bell rings in a row even had your birds peeking out of the greenhouse until you called out, “I have little legs Mal! I can only go so fast!” Hurrying from your shower in your towel to open the door. Huffing once you saw her giggling self you turned letting her in, “Just let me get dried off, you said ten.”
“It is ten.”
“Not with that clock thingy last night.”
Looking at her watch she asked, “That was last night?” Then looked up following you only to stop at the first room with new curtains, “You put up curtains!”
From you bath where you wiggled into your panties and bra and got to drying your hair you called back, “Ya, it’s slowly getting there.”
After her own tour she followed the sound of your blow dryer and smirked seeing the battle of the curls trying to keep their springy selves dripping then followed your fingers in folding a simple start to a five section braid she took your agreeing nod to jump in and help you keep it straight all the way down to the end. “I don’t know how you do it every day.”
“I don’t wash it every day, can’t or I end up looking like a sheep. One or twice a week or it gets moody.”
Giggling to herself she followed you to your bed where you pulled on your shorts and tank top with the flannel over she passed you, “Any choice on color for your bikini yet?”
“I don’t know. Used to have an orange one piece,”
“That’s what lifeguards wear.”
“Exactly,” you said sitting down to pull on your socks and tie your converse.
“You were a lifeguard?”
“Out in Lindon, part of my water therapy. Ten summers helping the lifeguards there drag people out of the swells.”
“Water ther-, oh, your ship.”
Shaking your head you stood, “I’ll be fine, I can swim, I just prefer it not to be crowded. I’ll dip my feet in, who knows they might have a lounging waterfall pool area or something I can lay in while you and your duo pounce on one another, or, whatever you kids get up to these days.”
Giggling again she says on your way back to the door after you’d pocketed your phone and wallet, “You know, sometimes I can almost forget just how old you are, until you say something like that.”
“Well it’s true, and don’t you deny you haven’t been drooling over them in their, I don’t know, trunks, speedos, lets hope that they are not the banana hammock type, I doubt I could survive that.”
Nudging you with her elbow she said, “You know you’d like to see Thorin in one.”
Looking up at her you led the way to the door you locked and grabbed your keys off the ring only to turn back to your garage saying, “If I want to see his bare ass cheeks I’d prefer him naked, not in a g string.”
“So you prefer speedo then?” she teased.
“I’m seeing more big picture, you’ve met Bombur and Gloin.”
“Oh, now why’d you-,”
“Bigger picture. As long as they’re comfy I don’t care, but I am hoping for no g strings.” Hitting the button on the wall for the garage door you walked to your bike as she eyed the paint cans, “Now where are we going?”
Smiling at you she said, “To this cute shop I know.” Trotting back to her scooter in your driveway that you pulled up to allowing you to close your door behind you.
As she readied her own scooter she watched the kids racing by who stopped to wave and greet you then dart off whispering making her look at you after the second group, “They saw my runes on the mailbox matched the ones on Bombadil.”
Again Mal giggled and said snapping her helmet on, “Finally getting the credit you’re due.” Leading the way she pulled out of the drive and you were right next to her for the whole way to a far from what you would call cute in size for the shop more like a mini mall in itself. Parked in the railed off section you crossed the crosswalk to the front entrance and passing the section of just floral wraps and sarongs you made your way down the weaving path glancing up at the fans blowing even colder air down on you the farther back you got dropping the temperature absurdly low for a swimsuit themed shop in your opinion.
“I suppose we can start in one pieces.” Looking around with pursed lips she said, “I think blue,” leading the way to the section of blue while you milled about in the silver ones just past the white ones. A few minutes past and she called out, “Find anything yet?”
Sliding them from one side to the other you replied, “Do they sell nothing but thongs?”
To that she giggled and replied, “Well you are in the thong section.”
“I am?” You said peering up at the odd symbol on the sign your head cocked at, “Oh, it’s a butt, I thought it was another non peach logo mishap.”
Turning around you strolled out of the thong section eyeing the butts becoming more covered in the logos. “Peach logo?”
“I told you about the Butt bush on the way to Rohan.”
“No you most certainly did not.” She fired back peering at you as you started to browse the silver section.
“Oh, could have sworn I did. Anyways, we get to the airport and he pulls into the ‘peach’ section for parking right in front of this butt shaped bush.” Behind her hand she snorted trying to hold back a giggle moving another suit aside, “And he said it’s a peach, but it clearly was a butt,” pulling out your pocket you found the picture and sent it to her phone only making her snort and laugh out loud when she saw it, “Butt bush.”
“That is not a peach,” she giggled out helplessly while you sighed and moved onto the black section seeing as silver just shifted to more scaly designs with absurd ruffles.
“Ooh,” That had her leaving her section to come find you.
“I heard an ooh, I want to see the ooh.” Up to your side she walked and eyed the lace cutout style panel over the middle of the black one piece. “Nice.”
Holding it up to yourself, “Does this look like it’d fit, I have sort of weird proportions.”
“That’s why I like this shop,” she said moving to the end she pulled the measuring tether she brought over to you helping to get the right size using the chart hanging on the end she read when she took the tether back. “This one should fit better. Owner is a Half Hobbit, used to having weird proportions. Yours should be on the blue hangers. I get the lilac.”
Nodding you laid the right sized one over your arm and joined her to the blue section where she eased right back to where she was then pulled out a choice of her own, “Ooh, that’s nice.”
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She nodded eyeing the more classic blue polka doted suit saying, “I like it.” Laying it over her arm she turned her head taking your free hand, “Now, bikinis.”
Eyeing the signs for how much coverage the bottoms offered you skipped the silver ruffled section and started in the red section. More towards the skimpier end showing off the bright baby blue black outlined string bikini. Nipping at her lip she trotted over to you asking, “What have you found?”
“Um,” you said eyeing a black simple shaped two piece, the top was heart shaped with two bands going diagonally across your ribs flashing a bit of skin. Matching the bottom with double bands on the sides around your hip bones. “I don’t know why but I like it. Not sure how it would look though.”
Nodding her head with a larger size she brought you to the little try on station where body models were set up. Helping you to ease the suit on over its nonexistent head you settled the suit onto it laying the bands flat across its ribs. “That would look so cute on you. Just hug you perfectly, I like the crossing for you.”
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Removing the suit you went back and grabbed the one in your size and curiously kept browsing with her close by to see if there was anything else that caught her eye. Branching into colors a neon yellow top with a similar crossing set of strips around the ribs paired with a navy blue bottom with neon yellow decorative ties on the sides. Wraps and covers were next and with a couple sarongs chosen you both headed for the registers while Mal teased her way through imagining how the boys would react to her choices. Ending at the scooters by saying, “And we all know Thorin will just scoop you up seeing your piercings on full display.”
“Oh I highly doubt that.”
“Oh yes he will, because he won’t want anyone else seeing them.”
Making you giggle and roll your eyes, “With that explanation then I expect you to be locked in a closet beside mine with that teenie bikini of yours. Though it might just be Dis locking you away,” making her giggle again. A message on your phone had you saying, “Ooh, I gotta head home, my mattresses are on their way.”
“Do you need an ally?”
“I mean, if you like. I was just gonna wash these, make some soup and sandwiches while I waited.”
“I like soup.”
With a giggle you said, “Alright, come on then.” With your bag on the dip between your legs you rode your way back to your house parking in your garage that she followed you through to your sewing cabinet to cut off the tags while she gawked at your setup.
“Where did you get this?”
Looking at her you said, “Oh, um,” looking around the cabinet you brought out the card you had tucked into one of the top compartments you handed to her, “I don’t know how to say it, but they’re pretty affordable. Had mine for centuries. Folds up into a chest and it’s light weight, fireproof and all that.” She snapped a picture of the card that you put back again then went out to your greenhouse where she saw you using the faucet in the wall to fill the small barrel that with a small bit of laundry soap Mal watched you hand lather your swimsuits. Pouring the mixture out over a couple of your planters that helped to perk up the rare plants more you refilled the barrel and rinsed off the suits while she talked about her thoughts for how the trip would go.
“I think it’ll go well, I mean everyone will be there, so all the ones from the Festival plus so many more. I think that should be-,” For a moment her eyes flinched wider feeling something brushing her cheek in Kuu’s lean over her shoulder.
In her silence you looked up saying, “You’re up late Kuu,”
“We have a delivery.”
“Yes we do. I was going to make some soup, did you want some peas before bed?”
“Yes please. I will get my bowl.” He said turning away parting Mal’s lips in his sudden vanishing after his sudden appearance while you stood to hang up your suits.
On her feet she watched you dump the final barrel of water and then lead the way to the kitchen where you washed your hands and filled the pot that you added peas to allowing that to sit. “Does he do that often?” She whispered by your ear making you smirk at her.
“Ask for peas?”
“No, the, leaning,”
“Oh, ya. Hector and his Mate do the same, I think it’s just, their thing. They like to be sneaky. Means he likes you or he’d stay away.” Mal nodded and you giggled, “You get used to it.” Turning to head to the pantry for more soup and your last loaf of bread while Kuu came in and settled his bowl on the counter and looked to Mal stepping close to her side. Adding the soup to the second pot you settled on the second lit burner saying, “It shouldn’t be that long of a stop, just leaving some mattresses. Tomorrow is the big build day. But they won’t bother you all.”
Happily he watched as you strained the peas out you poured into his bowl he carried back to his house after a big yawn. “Thank you.”
“Get some sleep.”
He walked off and she looked you over as you brought out a skillet for the sandwiches and started to slice the bread. “So when are you buying a washer and dryer?”
Smirking at her you said, “Is it crazy that I might actually like my hand washer kit?”
“Little bit,” making you giggle again, “A bit like little house on the prairie. Next I’ll see you churning your own butter.”
“Oh I don’t have the patience for that, takes hours if you do it right.”
“Is this homemade bread?” She asked and you lifted a brow at her, “This is not a criticism, that’s kind of awesome. And your soup, did you buy these?” She asked lifting the empty jar she sniffed. “This smells so good.”
“Thank you, I should have some more soon, by how my veggies look.”
“I’m gonna have a house like this one day, and you are teaching me how to make that.”
“Sure. It’s fairly simple recipe. Just jar it and you can have soup when you like.” Finishing off another grilled cheese your head turned at the doorbell sounding making you turn off the burner for the skillet.
“I got this.”
You nodded saying, “Just stir it occasionally should be back before it’s done.” Walking for the door you grinned and showed the delivery men inside. “That corner should be good.” The first man eyed the empty room and you said, “They’re installing the bunk beds tomorrow.”
Chuckling to himself he said, “Stacked should be best then. Just to make sure they don’t fall over.”
“Yes, that would be good, my birds like to explore.”
Stacked in the corner out of the way the four were left and they guys were back to their truck with signed slip in hand ready for their next stop. Back to the stove you went and finished off the soup you served out complete with split grilled cheeses enjoyed while you shared basic ways to make the bread and what actually was in a few of your soups. A message from Bilbo that he needed some help in the shop had her stealing a hug and hurrying out, “See you tomorrow.”
“See you.”
Finishing off the food you cleaned up and let out a breath double checking your garage and front door were locked before heading back to your bedroom to get some sleep early. Plans however didn’t pan out as you were up a few more hours watching a show to tire yourself out. Groggily you checked your suits and ensuring they were dry you folded them and added them to the suitcase at the foot of your bed.
.
Today would be busy to say the least. Four rolled around and getting ready you were off, though a bit early you headed in having to skip the shop from a message that the guys had sent you saying they had a surprise for you. Sending off a quick message to Thorin you went straight to the station where you found the guys ready to lead you into their office.
“Everything good?”
Glorfindel, “Better than good.” Flashing you one of the stickers making your jaw drop as you let out an excited squeak taking hold of the sticker making them chuckle.
Ecthellion, “Just the Countess for now as she’s the most popular right now, possibly we could add another character monthly if you like.”
You nodded saying, “Ya, maybe Wolsey next, I can get you a copy of his sketch to stock up if you like.” They nodded and taking hold of the manila envelope holding the 20 sheets of portrait stickers with four on each sheet.
Exiting into the hall you froze at the to go mug being held in front of you when you turned. “Hello,” You said to Mal who you accepted the mug from.
“This is how Thorin gave me your drink. Ding Dong, ‘this is for Jaqi.’ You broke my uncle in law.” Rolling your eyes you turned for your booth to wait outside sipping on your cider, “What’s in the envelope?”
“Mmm,” lowering your mug you reached into the envelope and excitedly she squeaked accepting the sheet you held out to her, “Stickers.”
“This is why you missed your drop in?”
You nodded and replied, “Yup. I didn’t realize-,”
Her smirk deepened looking at you, “Oh you didn’t realize that Thorin wanted to make sure that his lady had her morning fix before our show?”
Shaking your head you said, “I doubt-,”
She pointed at the cup, “He woke me up, to give you, the mug that you couldn’t make it in for instead of barging in here himself. Which if he had he’d no doubt hide out and watch.”
“Either that or he’s staking out the place to find his own way in for next week.” Making her giggle to herself.
.
A stunning show centered around two new characters drove people off what they had imagined, though excitedly they were hooked when Frenn did come back into the story in tries to goad a confession out of Durin while he scoured his ship in search of the meant to be resting Bunny.
.
The silenced buzz of your phone alerting you to the bed frame arrival, once the show was over a hasty hug from you later to Mal and you were off to hop onto your scooter. Texting Bilbo she passed on word that you were heading home confirming to her that Dwalin was already at your place. A fact that you found for yourself upon arrival seeing him parked in your driveway. Opening the garage door you parked on one side and let him pull in on the other leaving a wide section for any supplies they might need in the driveway or garage. Hastily through the house you went warning the birds that you were closing the door to the greenhouse hearing Dwalin greeting the first crew. Off the truck the wood was unloaded and out you came flashing a grin to Dwalin who said, “Jaqi can show you back.”
You nodded and led the group to your sisters’ room and you pointed to the opposite wall from the door, “That wall should be plenty big enough for some extra space if you need it.”
The head builder said, “Oh ya, plenty of room,” turning his head he said, “You have the mattresses, good.”
“They’re not in the way, are they?”
They shook their heads and he said, “No, not in the least. We may have to take down your curtains till we’re done though to be safe on not catching them,”
“Ya sure,”
Measuring tapes came out while one of the men brought down the curtains and moved them to the white and orange spare room then returned to find the head man saying, “We have some, three feet, on the end over here, now, we could add some spare shelves to fill that space if you like, for spare sheets or such. I’d hate to just leave that space empty at the end of the day.”
“Yes, that would be amazing, thank you.”
He nodded pleased that you were so apt to his suggestion and said, “We’ll get started.” You nodded and headed out at Dwalin calling your name when the first crew saw another crew arriving, though chests un-puffed when they realized the much simpler bed kits were being assembled in other rooms. Through the front door while the other crew stacked the wood they would cut on their pop up table in your driveway for final measurements the second crew unloaded their kits into the sea foam room for your Naneth and Cirdan first. Following up by moving the orange and blue rooms’ beds in next with the blue beds on one side and the tan on the other. Starting with the sea foam while you sat on the couch beside Dwalin the sound of construction starting had you glancing his way.
“Want some stickers?”
He looked at you then glanced down at the sheet you passed him with wide eyes in a deep breath, “No!”
“Yup,” Shifting on the couch you said, “I think I’m gonna put two in my study and bring the rest to your family place, ooh, you haven’t seen my new chair.” He shook his head and followed you to your study where he grinned at your chair you knelt and spun around on it and chuckled watching you set your sticker sheets by the notes you had put in one of your desk drawers. The remaining sheets were added to your suitcase and back to the living room you went while he hurried to add his sheet to his trunk after having amply praised the design of the fabled Countess.
Before the hour was through the platform was built for the sea foam bed with padded headboard attached and ready for its mattress. Windows were closed and onto the next room the team moved catching glimpses of curious supply fetchers from the other team stealing peaks at what vibe the rooms were giving off for them. All seeming to be pleased with your taste, especially those building the base of your bunk beds loving the clear able to grow into children’s room hinting for them perhaps that there were bairns excited for these beds to be completed for them. Every hint urging the teams to do their best, especially since more than one of them had shared whispers on your name, having recognized it instantly upon the bombshell addition to Bombadil’s new lineup.
The twin platform beds for the orange/blue room were completed with ease and with Dwalin beside you they gave you a final tour of the results and with checkbook in hand you wrote out the check for the assembly fee and handed it over only to giggle and sign out a few autographs for the crew. Excitedly they cleaned up the final things and headed on to their next stop while you found your house sketch journal and crossed off the five bed frames that were now completed. Hearing the hints that the guys were nearing the end of their build after you and Dwalin had eaten you broke out some of the supplies you had bought a few days prior making Dwalin smirk seeing the tray of bacon burgers and some steak fries. Sodas, water bottles were set out with plates around the table that you expanded.
Peering into the doorway as the men finished hoisting the mattresses onto the upper levels after having added the lower ones you watched them all look over the final effect then turned at the youngest one tapping the others and turning to see you. “Hi, looks good.”
The head man nodded and said, “We’re so glad you like them. Shouldn’t take long to clean up.”
“Well I made some burgers and fries, you guys look hungry.” Gratitude blended to compliments and muffled chatter through the meal they helped to clean up after filling the sink with ample thanks keeping hold of their still unfinished drinks they took out to the truck then got to cleaning up. The head builder showed you the finer details of everything and was pleased at your own climb up the steps between the beds to crawl into the two top beds. Checking each of the shelves came next and excitedly you thanked the team again and handed over the 2k check for the install fee they wrote you out a receipt. For them as well more pear circled J Pear autographs were handed out before their filing back into their truck leaving you alone again.
Already anticipating it Dwalin grinned in your tight hug around his middle he returned before asking, “Need my help for anything?”
You shook your head saying, “Was just gonna bring out the sheets and stuff for that room so I can wash them when I get back from the trip. In case you have to head home to pack or anything.”
With a grin he chuckled saying, “I am packed, Frodo however, is not. Everything does look amazing. I will see you on the plane, Dear.”
You nodded accepting his next hug, “See you then you big softie.” Making him chuckle and join you for the walk to your still open garage he backed out of allowing you to close it while he pulled away heading home again.
Exhaling sharply you went to bring out the things for that room you set in that room, which you smirked standing in admiring it all, including the curtains that you tied back and lowered the internal shades readying for your trip, a task you repeated in each guest room. Opening the greenhouse door again you gave the all clear that the house was all yours again. Dishes were next with enough in the washer to start it freeing you to head back to the living room to wait until you could put them away again.
Pt 31
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dontworrysunflower · 5 years
Text
Surprise | Shawn Mendes
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@loveablejonah requested:
So hi! Just read your most recent imagine and loved it. I had a request if thats ok with you. So could you write me an imagine about Shawn on tour and you surprise him during the show? Make it all fluffy and cute. Thanks so much!
Thank you so much for the request and thank you for loving my imagines!
Also before I start, his outfit during his Grammy performance was by far my favorite (above).
Warnings: tears
Anyway, back to your scheduled programming! Enjoy!
Masterlist in my bio
•••
“I miss you” Shawn mumbled into the scrunched up pillow in his face as he looked through his phone screen, (y/n), his girlfriend of a year, occupying most of the screen, her wet hair around her face, cheeks red from the steamy shower she just took.
She lays on her stomach on her bed, the white duvet cool against her soft exposed skin. She leans her chin on her palm. “I miss you too” She murmured, her eyes looking at the one curl that falls in his eyes. Your eyes fly over your phone, the suitcase open, sitting on the chair next to the bed, shirts and pants thrown around in it.
“After this tour, I’m never doing it again. I can’t keep leaving you repeatedly” he sniffs, a single tear falling down his pale cheek as his sad eyes looked up at you.
You smile “Don’t say that, Shawn. Don’t cry. I knew what I was coming into when we started this relationship. It’s better than nothing. And you know I’d never let you stop touring for me” you murmured, running your fingers through your wet hair.
He sighs and sits up, his torso against the headboard of the bed in the hotel room he’s staying in. “I know, but I always hate leaving you” he said, closing his eyes momentarily.
You notice the dark circles under his honey colored eyes. You realize you need to pack for your flight in two hours and how he should sleep. “Shawn babe. I’d love to keep talking with you but I know your tired. Get some rest, I’ll take to you tomorrow” You try to convince him.
He hums a disagreeing sound and shakes his head “No, I’d rather talk to you than sleep”
You grin at him, your mind never coming across a moment you felt any different than how you are now. All giddy and butterflies in your stomach, just like the first date. “I’d love that too, but the Mendes Army need Shawn Mendes to be at his best tomorrow at the concert” you smirk
He rolls his eyes, but smiles. “Fine. Call me when you can please?” He asks as he starts to crawl under the covers.
You get up from your spot on the bed, walking over to the suitcase. “I promise. Goodnight sweet, I love you” you kiss at the screen and he makes a motion of grabbing it and holding to his heart. He repeats an ‘I love you’ before hanging up.
You sigh as you drop your phone onto the bed, making a soft thud sound. You grab the shirts and start to fold them and place them neatly in the bag. You walk into the bathroom, and pack your toothbrush and your makeup bag. You put a small travel size shampoo and conditioner in a plastic bag and seal it before throwing it in your suitcase.
When you finish packing, you roll your suitcase to the front door to leave it there. You pad your feet back into the bedroom to take a nap before leaving, setting an alarm on your phone as it charged on the table beside you.
•••
“Excuse me,” you heard someone say behind you. You look up from your phone and turn around in your seat. You see two teenage girls, maybe about fourteen or fifteen, a phone in their hands. “Are you (y/n)? (Y/n) (l/n)?” They ask
You furrow your eyebrows “Uh, yes. That’s me” You get from your seat and pull at your (Shawn’s) hoodie sleeves, pulling it over your hands. “Is there something I can help you with?” You say with a small, uncomfortable smile.
The girls gasp and start to jump. “Can, Can we get a picture?” They ask, extending their arms out, their phone on the camera setting already.
You cock your head to the side, a confused smile on your face. “With me?”
They nod “You’re Shawn’s girlfriend and we just think that he couldn’t find a better person than you. You’re perfect for him”
You scoff a little but smile, walking around the chair you were sitting at to get closer to the girls “Uh sure, if that’s what you want. Oh and, please don’t post these till tomorrow, I’m going to surprise Shawn and I don’t want to spoil it”
They ‘aw’ before they turn around to take a selfie with you.
•••
“(Y/n)! It’s so great to see you! Shawn won’t stop whining about how he misses you. You’ll finally be here to shut him up” Teddy yelled as she hugged you. One of your arms wraps around her, the other behind you, rolling your suitcase. “Okay, so right Shawn’s doing some interviews and stuff. You know how that is. So we’re just gonna take you to the venue and hide you until he’s due on stage. Sound cool?”
You nod before Teddy leads you to the black SUV they had come pick you up, Jake in the passenger seat. You smile and wave at him through the window as the driver puts your bags in the trunk and teddy crawls into the backseat, calling your name.
•••
13 missed called from Shawnie ❤️
35 messages from Shawnie ❤️
8 voicemails from Shawnie ❤️
It hurt you not to answer him. But you knew if you did he would figure it out in a heartbeat. You were never good at keeping secrets from him.
You phone buzzes in your hand, a new message coming up on your screen.
Baby is everything okay?! Pls call me
Im about to go on stage, pls answer or call Andrew and tell him you’re okay
Baby Im worried
You bite down on your lip, squeezing your eyes shut as you turn off your phone. You can faintly hear him talking with his crew, a worried tone in his voice.
“Alright, sixty seconds to stage” you hear Zubin yell, quite clear. You also hear Shawn’s laugh, but there’s some hesitation.
•••
“Not trying to ruin your happiness at all” He sang softly into the mic, his sweaty complexion shiny against the spotlights, his curls falling into his face. His eyes dark and glassy, his button down shirt snug against his biceps and showing off a little of his chest hair. His guitar hanging around his shoulders.
“Thank you Vienna!” He yelled into the mic, a huge smile on his face before waving out to the crowd, the people behind the bar screaming a little louder. He adjusted the strap on his shoulder and popped the mic back on its stand before waving out again and walking backstage.
He walked right past the room you were hiding in, a huge grin on his face as he gave his precious guitar to a stagehand and they gave him a towel to dry off the sweat as he ran over to Andrew who was pouring alcohol into glasses for a celebration, his band following closely behind him. You walk out of the room as Matt brought you with him behind Shawn.
“Cheers! To another great show!” Andrew screamed and everyone cheers before downing their drinks “And cheers to a new member on tour!”
Shawn furrows his brows in confusion, a half empty glass of whiskey in his large tattooed hand.
“Did ya miss me?” You whispered behind him, your nimble fingers crawling up his back.
He zips around, his eyes wide a glassy. All he does is engulf you in his arms and sobs. He picks you up by your waist and your legs wrap around his. You nuzzle your face into his neck as he does the same, tears falling down your face. He pulls away just to look at your face, placing a hand on your cheek. More tears fall down his rosy cheeks as he curls a strand of your hair behind your ear. His eyes travel in a rapid pace around your face, like as if he was making sure you were real and actually there. “I missed you so much (y/n)” he sobbed as he walked into the green room, falling onto a couch, you still straddling him.
Your breathing evens out and you pull your head away from his shoulder, a whimper coming out of him. You wipe his tears away and kiss his wet cheeks before softly placing your slightly chapped lips on his. “I missed you too bub” you mumbled against his lips before his hand came behind your head, pushing you into his lips again. His breathing is still irregular as you pull away and you pull your fingers through his hair and made small circles on the skin of his neck, a concerned look on your face. “Shawn are you okay? Do you need water or-”
“No, no I just,” He breathed out, still slightly shaky “I just can’t believe you’re here” his voice trembled before he smushed his face into your shirt.
You softly chuckle and pull him up, your noses brushing against each other. “Well you gotta believe it, ‘cause I’m here” you smiled ��Are you sure you don’t need anything?” You questioned as you played with the hairs on the nape of his neck.
He smiles and nods “All I need is you”
“God, how cheesy can you be?” You joke
“Only for you baby” he smirked before pecking your lips again repeatedly.
A knock on the door startles the couple, so caught up in their own world they completely forgot there were other people on this earth other than the two of them. “Sorry to interrupt this beautiful moment,” Teddy murmured as she opened the door a crack, a guilty look on her face “but the bus is all packed and ready to go to our next stop. We’re just waiting on the love birds” she smiled.
Shawn groans and drop his face into your chest, his lips brushing the top of your breasts. You bite down on your lip to hold in a moan. “We’ll be there in a minute”
•••
“Baby! Don’t go” Shawn yelled playfully as he leaned his head to the side on his shoulder, a small pout on his lips, his eyes squeezed shut, his arms out in front of him making grabby hands at you as you walked to the bathroom.
“I’m just going to the bathroom” you stopped on your way, holding onto his outstretched hand before letting go and closing the bathroom door, his groans muffled.
When you return Shawn pulls you into his lap, his lips kissing the skin of your neck, his hands under your shirt, tracing patterns into your skin. “I love you” he mumbled before kissing your skin again.
You look down at him, your forehead on his, “I love you too” You said before pecking his lips and closing your eyes, your foreheads still in contact.
“Get a room!” You hear Brian’s muffled protest from behind the curtain of his bunk bed. You and Shawn laugh before you two forget about everything else once again.
Okay just real quick @loveablejonah hope this somewhat what you wanted.
Please enjoy and reblog. K gn or gm wherever your from. Shawn’s tour starts tomorrow!! Woooo
Okay now I gtg gn!
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seal moves in
(i dont remember if i ever posted this so im reposting it, this is from the far far future)
Seven centuries ago the Wyld washed over an entire direction in the wake of a Crusade, and it recedes slowly. Islands of lucidity jut forth like washed-up debris, either raksha playgrounds or remnants of Creation. It is here, scant miles beyond the edge of the world, that Siege Perilous looms. The sun does not reach here, though there is light; the deserts give way to paving-stones and green hills, and a hamlet in the shadow of a castle. The hamlet is empty, long abandoned by the look of it -- but surely less than seven centuries empty, when bleached banners still fly in the square intact. No, these houses were evacuated a mere five years ago, when their ancient hero finally returned to liberate them from raksha encirclement. When the castle's heir took up his rightful seat. When the Seal of Unforgotten Kings came home. A marble statue stands in the Siege's courtyard, gazing down on those who would enter the castle. In those five years, it has seen the Dusk a scant three times. 
A bottle of champagne smashed across its sunburst-crowned brow. "I hereby chrishen thish party... open!" Star declared.
Seal glowered up at him, perched on the statue's shoulder. "Get down from there," he shouted. "I wanted to fucking drink that."
Star shrugged, tossing the neck of the bottle over his shoulder and fluttering down. "Desh brought more, I think. Beshidesh, that shtuff schucksh. Gotta drink like a bucketful to get tipshy."
Des had indeed brought more; various bottles nestled in the crook of her arm, and beside her a white-haired boy labored under what appeared to be picnic baskets laden so high they obscured his face. Des clicked her tongue at him. "You know you don't have to carry all that, Sever," she said. "I could have got a ghost to do it."
Shoulders shrugged carefully on either side of the tower. "I don't mind," a basket at face height replied. Severed Tail of the Serpent Resembles Truth By its Writhing carefully adjusted the tower, distributing the weight more evenly, and continued on his way. Behind him, Des frowned and followed.
+++
Seal flung the castle doors open. "Honey, we're home," he shouted, emboldened by the presence of his friends. The empty hall echoed it back to him, white dust swirling in the corners from the sudden breeze.
Take this seriously, a voice said in his head. Seal could see him out of the corner of his eye: the spitting image of the statue outside, standing ramrod-straight and two heads taller than Seal, running a finger across the breastplate of a nearby suit of armor. Brightest Morning Star frowned at Seal. Is this any way to treat your domicile? The inheritance of centuries?
"Shut the fuck up, old man," Seal muttered through gritted teeth. "You're not even real."
Realer than your cleaning skills, the man responded before Star breezed through the space where he should have been standing. "Scho, where do you want thisch?" he said, louder than usual and brandishing a pilfered bottle of Shadow's brandy. He was pointedly not making eye contact, and Seal recognized that he had heard him talking to his preincarnation.
He flushed with anger. "Do I look like I give a shit?" he snapped. "We're gonna desecrate every fucking room in this castle, I didn't make a fucking itinerary." 
Schtar shrugged and moved on, sweeping his gaze around the castle -- probably doing that dumb Investigation shit again. "Oh, here we go," he said, opening a door. "Big ol' dining hall, kitschen muscht be thish way. C'mon, let'sh shee if they got schomefing to toasht thish bread with." He disappeared into the darkness, and the other Deathknights followed suit.
Brightest Morning Star reappeared in front of Seal, a phantom wind blowing away the nothingness that obscured him. You haven't picked up after yourself since the last time you were here, he reminded the boy disapprovingly. Or the time before that. You could at least sweep up some wreckage before they see. 
Seal grabbed an ornamental vase and flung it at the apparition. It sailed through empty air and smashed against the floor. "Fuck you!" he shouted at the silent hall, but images assailed him behind his eyelids: ruined tapestries with the faces singed away, spears with the hafts snapped in half and buried in discarded shields, the remnants of Seal's last tantrum here. The vast mural of stained glass he knelt before, unable to destroy it, unable to look directly at his predecessor's face. Seal swiped the back of his hand across his eyes, wiping away hot tears. He flung the red droplets on the floor. "Fine!" he declared angrily. "I'll go do your dumb fucking chores. Bitch."
Broom's in the upstairs closet, if it hasn't rotted away, Brightest Morning Star sniped from inside his mind.
+++
The broom was not in the upstairs closet.
Seal stared at the rack where it should have lay, where his-and-not-his memories pictured it beside the dustpan, which was also gone. "Hey, old man," he called out. "Are you fucking senile or did you just have servants do all your shit for you? Don't know where your own goddamn broom is?"
No response. Seal slammed the closet shut, and it rattled the frame pleasingly. "What the fuck now?" he asked out loud. Did someone break into the castle and steal his fucking broom? Glorious First Light loomed in the back of his mind. What if, by taking it from the castle, he'd left it vulnerable?
"Shit, shit, shit," he muttered, and broke into a run. Seal might have hated all this fucking stuff, but it was his fucking stuff. The treasury was filled with priceless First Age artifacts and also a bunch of stuff he'd smashed to pieces, and if some raksha bastard even fucking thought about fucking touching it --
Seal skidded to a halt. There was no raksha bastard. The treasury door was open, and as far as Seal could tell everything was in place. Except for the story crystals he'd smashed to pieces last time he was here, and had left scattered across the floor. As far as Seal could tell, there wasn't even a splinter of crystal on the floor, though their spots on the shelves remained empty.
What the fuck? Seal spun around. The sword he'd bent in half was gone as well, replaced with a completely different one -- a jian instead of a dao. The row of statuettes was artfully arranged to hide the ones Seal had beheaded. Even the trophy case Seal had cut in half was standing straight. He ventured over and tapped a finger against it.
It crashed down -- someone had merely shoved the two halves together so neatly Seal hadn't spotted the join. The noise startled him, and he jumped back -- and, out of the corner of his eye, saw movement. "Hey!" he cried reflexively, and pursued. The castle was a maze of halls and display cases and rooms full of junk, but whoever Seal was chasing seemed to know it like the back of their hand -- Seal only caught a flicker of movement, a flap of cloth disappearing around a corner. "Stop fucking running, bastard!" he shouted, and hurled Glorious First Light.
The spear blasted a crater in the wall at the end of the corridor, coming to rest buried a full hand into the stone -- and a hair's breadth from Des' face, where she was coming around the corner. "Who are you yelling at?" she asked, unflapped, stepping back and tucking her hair back behind her ears. "There's no one here." 
Seal came to a stop with one foot up against the wall, trying to yank the weapon out. "Some -- fucker -- stole my broom," he said, grunting. "And cleaned my fucking treasury." 
Des raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Stole your broom and not your hoard of ancient and extremely valuable relics?" she asked. "And... swept with it? Surely you should be thanking them." 
"I don't know what they fucking did," Seal grumbled. He pulled one last time and finally pulled the spear free, which meant that boy and weapon went tumbling head over heels. From his new position on the floor, Seal swore loudly and freely.
Des' eyes sparked with laughter as she helped Seal to his feet. "Well, if you think the mystery can wait for an hour or two, Star has managed to warm up the pie. Without any slime involved."
"Pie," Seal said fervently, and forgot about the broom entirely.
+++
The pie was burnt. The sandwiches were dry. The brandy tasted like shit. Seal enjoyed the hell out of it all.
They had left the great hall dark and empty and chosen to eat in the kitchen instead. It was cozy, gathered around the slab in the center while the fire blazed in the stove. Des had found a fork and knife; Star and Seal were eating with their hands. Seal wasn't sure Sever was eating at all, but every time he looked there was less food on the plate, so he guessed he must be. Also, Seal was drunk. 
"Sol's own fucking cock," he said, wiping his mouth. "This stuff really fucking tastes like a rat's ass." He slammed the empty glass down on the table and motioned for Des to pour him another shot. "But damn if it doesn't fucking do you."
Star's giggle broke into hiccups. "How do you know what a rat'sh assh tashtesh like?" he managed to slur out. "Eat a lot of rat asshesh in your schildhood?"
"Not as many as your fucking mom," Seal shot back. Star gasped, actually offended, but Sever distracted him with a slice of pie and Seal gloated silently at getting the last word. 
"So," Des said, pouring herself another glass of rose, which Star and Seal weren't allowed to touch (Sever had a small cupful in front of him). "What sort of magnificent things have you got in this castle anyways?"
Seal shrugged around a mouthful of burger (helpfully prepared by Pho ahead of time). "Treasury mostly," he replied. "I raided the armory but there's a bunch more shit in there. Like five fucking rooms full of random junk. East tower's full of little glass things, no idea what they do. Library, chapel, hangar --"
"--hanger?" Star piped up. "Like a big clothesh hanger?"
"I believe Seal means a hangar," Sever cut in smoothly. "Where First Age flying vessels are often stored."
Star's jaw hung open, comically filled with half-mashed mince. "You got airschipsh?"
A grin spread across Seal's face. "Hey, Star. Betcha can't fly faster than a First Age warbird."
"Betscha can't hit me in the air with a Firscht Age warbird," Star countered, and they were off.
+++
This is not the intended use of a warbird.
"Can't hear you over the sound of this fucking warbird!" Seal shouted, over the sound of this fucking warbird. 
These are holy weapons of war, not children's toys!
"Eat my fucking ass," Seal answered hotly, pulling back on the harness-gloves. The warbird responded, thirty thousand pounds of ancient magic carefully yoked to steel and fire, made to cut through behemoths like wet paper. Currently, Seal was trying to keep Star in his sights, though the winged Day Caste was swooping erratically through the air above the Siege Perilous. 
At the very least you could shoot him down, Brightest Morning Star replied a little petulantly. It's commendable how quickly you've picked up the controls, but we both know it's really my hand at the helm. Show me what you can do.
Seal waved a hand dismissively, which caused the warbird to spin alarmingly through the air. "I'm not gonna kill him," he responded when the aircraft was back under control. "Just wanna show off a little."
Oh, and smashing a warbird into him at a hundred miles an hour won't kill him?
"He's got Resistance Charms," Seal said, squinting as he finally lined Star up in the center of his sights -- "He'll probably be fine." -- and rammed the throttle forwards. 
The warbird's skeleton, Seal vaguely remembered his preincarnation vaguely remembering, was made of orichalcum and jade inlaid with starmetal. But all the architectural parts were mundane steel, so it really should have been no surprise when the warbird intercepted Star with a sickening crunch and the nose of the warbird crumpled inwards, Star's body tearing through it like a cannonball and rocketing backwards past Seal's head. Seal whooped even as the warbird began blaring new alarm sirens; orichalcum and steel versus soulsteel and Abyssal, it was no contest.
I hope you're happy with yourself, Brightest Morning Star spat. Try not to land on my best roses.
The ground rose to meet Seal, and everything went black.
+++
When he came to, he was on fire.
Seal yelped and struggled out of the warbird's cockpit, slapping at himself all over. Half his shirt had burned away, and the right leg of his pants tore off entirely as he snagged it on something falling out of the cockpit. The flame didn't blacken his skin like it should have, but it still stung like a bitch, so Seal spent a good minute rolling on the ground and loosing a barrage of curses.
"Having fun?" a voice asked from nearby. Seal righted himself to find Des sitting at a glass table, teacup in hand. They were in the castle's courtyard, though Seal could see a smouldering streak on the roof where the warbird must have caught it on the way down; empty flowerbeds surrounded them, organizing the courtyard in a geomantically auspicious pattern. Seal could remember every flower that had bloomed here once, the perfected Essence they had channeled. None of them were the black roses spilling out where Bloodthorn was planted blade-down in the soil.
"Practically dust," Des said, setting down her teacup and running a hand over the dirt. "Haven't been watered in two thousand years. Still, there's life in these old things yet." She fondled a rose, heedless of the thorns. Seal was dimly aware that she was making a point, and decided not to care. 
"Where's Star?" he demanded. "Fucker owes me fifty yen."
Des shrugged. "He landed over there," she said, indicating a point over Seal's shoulder. He turned to see a divot gouged into the earth, and at the end a pair of craters he had come to associate with the Wings. "Then he got up, mumbled something about his bones, and limped away. Sever was preparing a party in the chapel, so I think he went there to lie down." Seal lit up and turned to go, but Des caught his hand. "Listen, Seal," she said, her voice lower. "Honestly. How are you feeling?"
A butterfly fluttered down to land on a rose. Vibrant blue shimmered against velvet black.
"Weird, honestly," Seal admitted. He came back to flop down into a chair opposite Des. "It's like.... he's still here, obviously, but this place isn't his anymore. It's mine. But he keeps trying to be me, or I keep trying to be him." He grunted in frustration at not having the words, but Des hummed softly and nodded.
"It's complicated," she agreed. "Hard to tell what's you and what isn't. And everything hurts in every direction. You know," she said, saving Seal the awkwardness of having to reply, "you should try talking to Sever sometime. You've got a lot in common."
Seal scoffed. "Sever?" he said scornfully. "I love the guy, but he's got more in common with a filing cabinet than a human being."
Des hummed again. "You might say that. Just as he might say you've got more in common with your spear than with any of us." Seal's anima burst into darkness, but Des laid her hand on his -- gently, communicating her calm. "Exactly," she said. "Exactly." 
Seal grumbled and withdrew his power. "Fine," he said. "Let's go see about this fucking party.
+++
They found Sever and Star in the chapel. Star was laying on a pew, an arm over his eyes, still smoking slightly. The Wings had sawed a hole in the back of the pew so they could drape dejectedly onto the floor. Sever was sitting on the floor, a scroll of parchment rolled out down the center aisle. Seal limped closer to discover that Sever was making exactly the itinerary he hadn't made: a room-by-room schedule that spanned the entire night. 
"Sol fucking Invictus," Seal muttered. "Did you hand write four fucking copies of the same schedule?"
"It is not the same schedule," Sever explained, handing them out. "These also contain personalized information such as alcohol preferences and sleeping arrangements. But, yes."
Des took her itinerary with interest. "My, Sever, this is.... very thought out. You've placed yourself on a team with Seal for chicken?" 
Seal thought he saw the shadow of a blush cross Sever's face. "Star has an advantage because of his wings and Seal has one because of his Caste, so I thought your style of motion would complement Star's best." Des nodded thoughtfully. 
"Yeah! We're gonna fucking kick your assh at schicken!" Star called from the pew, where he was now face down. "Juscht asch shoon asch my fasche shtopsh being on fire."
"You owe me a hundred yen, by the fucking way," Seal called back. Star grumbled and fished around in his pockets for a minute, then flipped him a koku and muttered for him to keep the schange. Seal pocketed it and glared around the room darkly. Colored crystal occupied the entire wall behind the podium, depicting Brightest Morning Star with four arms driving his spear down the throat of a serpentine raksha. There was no sun above Siege Perilous, yet Brightest Morning Star's face shone as though the sun were shining through it. Seal exchanged glares with it for a minute before looking away. "Do we have to fucking start here, though?" he muttered. "I hate this fucking room."
Sever looked down with a frown, pen already in hand, but Des caught his hand before he could start writing. "That's exactly why we're starting here," she said. "I've brought some supplies I think you might enjoy." She reached into a basket and pulled out a small silvery cylinder, with a bump at one end, and handed it to Seal. "Hold it like this," she instructed, "twist that nozzle, and press down. No, hold it the other way --"
A hideous shade of yellow-green filled Seal's vision, and he reflexively flared his anima. As Essence blasted outwards from his body his eyes cleared, and he could see that a faint cloud of that color was still hanging in the air, except for what had been blasted away and was now coating the carpet. Des sighed. "It's paint," she said. "You spray it on the walls and it stays there just about forever. I thought you might like to personalize the wall over there." She indicated Brightest Morning Star's shining disgusting face, and Seal grinned.
"Wake up, Star," he said. "Let's commit some fucking art."
+++
They defaced the chapel. They had a mock war in the armory. Seal let Des raid the library for all she could carry, then they built book forts and launched dictionaries across the room (Cascade of Papercut Terror made its debut to thunderous applause). They got scandalously, outrageously, rip-roaringly drunk in the wine cellars, which were full of booze that must have made even a First Age god-king's constitution take pause. They sang extremely rude songs in the courtyard, and did somersaults on every bed in every bedroom. The castle filled with laughter and dust. 
Eventually, though, even the most powerful of Exalted wear themselves out. Des found a glory-crystal saga in the library, the dramatization of some First Age romance-battle, and they set up in the great hall to watch. The deathknights bundled themselves up with blankets pilfered from the master room and scarfed down candied berries from the pantry. For something produced in a golden age of magic and science, the reenactment was laughably bad, and they spent a pleasant hour flinging critiques and berries at the projection. "Come on, haven't theshe guysh ever shtabbed anyone in the back?" Star shouted. "Thish ish the worsht fucking form I've ever sheen!"
"Completely horrendous," Des agreed as she popped another berry in her mouth. "But she deserves it. My god, anything to make her shut up for a second."
Seal stretched his arms out and yawned. "She talks more than Shadow fucking does when he's trying to justify his dumb shit as extremely wise fucking shit." He glanced around the room. "Hey, quick question. Where the fuck is Sever?"
Star diverted his gaze to scan the room for a moment. "Guessh he shtepped out for a minute," he said. "Maybe he couldn't shtomach the schitty shpeschial effectsh."
"Seriously, Sculpted Seafoam Eidolon is a Terrestrial spell, would it fucking kill them to put some effort in?"
"I'm gonna go find him," Seal declared, standing up and wobbling momentarily from the Exalted-level alcohol in his system. "Nobody gets to miss this shit." 
Des shrugged. "Whatever you say."
+++
Seal found Sever watching the ocean. 
The window at the end of the west hall, Seal knew, looked out onto a perpetually stormy sea with grey skies. Seal knew this cause he was pretty sure there was no fucking sea near Siege Perilous, and had been about to smash through the window and check it out before Brightest Morning Star yelled at him not to. He was never sure if it was a portal to some real sea in Creation or just an illusion, or maybe something else entirely.
Sever was curled up in the windowsill, head turned sideways to stare out over the roiling black waves. Seal thought for sure he would hear him coming up, but Sever was so lost in thought that he didn't notice until Seal tapped him on the shoulder. Only Seal's keenly honed battle senses let him notice the instant of reflexive tension before Sever returned to perfect relaxation and turned to face Seal serenely. "Ah, Seal," he said, sounding professional as ever. "How are you enjoying the festivities?"
Seal snorted. "You kidding?" he asked, moving to sit in the opposite end of the windowsill. "This is the best fucking birthday bash I've had in..... uh, ever. So fucking cheers to you." He mimed raising a glass, and Sever smiled faintly.
"Well," he said, rising smoothly, "I won't obstruct you, then. Continue to enjoy your evening --"
"Whoa, whoa, slow the fuck down," Seal said, catching Sever's wrist and feeling again that reflexive tense. "Where the hell are you going?"
Sever waved a hand vaguely. "To clean," he said, not resisting Seal's pull but not giving in. "The kitchen should be scoured, and though I understand the art in the chapel is to be a permanent fixture I'd like to sharpen up the edges and cover some of the more fragile --"
"Hang the fuck on," Seal said, as his brain finally caught up with what Sever was saying. "Was that you earlier, that cleaned up the fucking armory and then ran the fuck away like some kind of freak? What did you do that for? How did you know there was shit in there?" Sever looked like he was trying to answer every question at once, but Seal didn't let him get a word in edgewise. "For fuck's sake, dude, we brought you here to have fun, not to be some weird shadow with a broom. Live a little! Have some fucking fun, man!"
"As a matter of fact, Seal, I am enjoying myself. In my own way." Sever sounded slightly put off by Seal's enthusiasm.
Seal scoffed. "Bull fucking shit you are."
Sever blinked. "Excuse me?"
"I said bull fucking shit on a rat's hot cock you're having fun. You think I don't know angst brooding when I see it?" Seal gestured out over the waters. "Dude, I brood here all the time. It's, like, my number three spot in the castle. Stare at the fucking ocean and think about death or whatever. Right?" he demanded.
Sever blinked again, more slowly. ".... something like that," he admitted after a long pause.
"Something fucking like that," Seal agreed. "Well, bullshit to fucking that. I'm not allowed to brood tonight, and neither are fucking you. No more cleaning either. Des can summon some ghosts in the morning."
"But I'm perfectly capable of --"
"-- of sitting your ass down and acting like a human being, you jackass!" Seal was surprised by the force of his own words. "Sol Invictus, it fucking wigs me out sometimes, you know that?" A mixture of emotions crossed beneath the surface of Sever's face. "I know you are, even if you fucking don't. Yeah, you don't know who you fucking are, your soul was eaten or what the fuck ever, big fucking deal. None of us knows a goddamn fucking thing about ourselves, and do you think it's ever stopped me? Come on," he demanded, suddenly rising to his feet and striding down the hall, Sever still in tow.
"Where are we -- I really must protest --"
Seal dragged Sever all the way to the treasury, scooped a shelf-ful of glass figurines into Sever's protesting arms, and then back into the chapel. "Right," he said, taking the figurines from Sever and setting them on the floor in front of him. "Got your sword with you?"
"Unfortunately," Sever said, "I was not allowed to bring Atrumarkinos on this expedition."
Seal rolled his eyes. "Good," he said. "You'd be too good with it anyways. Here," and in a single motion he summoned Glorious First Light and brought it crashing down on the back of the pew.
Sever flinched so hard Seal thought he might actually leave his body. "What are you doing?" he asked, so pointedly that Seal could almost consider it a shout.
"Improvising," Seal answered, pulling at a bar of wood off the back of the pew. He had to stand on it with one foot and wrench it off with both hands, and only Essence saved him from a fistful of splinters, but in the end he was left with a plank about half as tall as Sever was. He handed it to the bemused Day Caste, returned to his spot, and held up a figurine. "Right. What can you tell me about these?"
Sever peered at it from across the room. "First Age artifice is not my forte, but I believe they are similar to a lesser form of yasal crystal. Each imprisons a minor spirit, hardly greater than the god of a grain of rice. I cannot say what purpose such a least spirit could serve. Perhaps simply to retain a memory, and recount it when charged?"
Seal squinted down at the figurine in his hand, a little statuette of Brightest Morning Star with spear overhead. "Really? Huh." Now that Sever mentioned it, there did appear to be a little light flickering in the middle of it. Seal looked back up, tossing it in his hand to gauge its weight. "Well, I guess you're not wrong. But you're also totally wrong. The only fucking thing these things are good for," he said, winding up, “is for smashing.”
Sever flinched a good ten seconds before the figurine smashed against the wall behind him. A wisp of glowing smoke rose up and whispered in a tinny voice before dissipating. "Come on!" Seal shouted. "I know you have Melee, hit it with your fucking thing!"
"I do not believe this is safe, Seal," Sever called with rising urgency as he ducked another figurine.
"Safety is for fucking cowards!" Seal bellowed as he began to throw them with increasing speed. "Stop dodging and break some shit like a man!"
He had to admit, though, that Sever's evasive skills were impressive. Seal was putting some Essence into his throws now, trying to peg Sever in the arm or leg, and normally would have guessed there was no power that could stop him -- but whatever was driving Sever, fear or common sense, animated him like a madman and kept him just slightly faster than Seal's projectiles. A luminescent haze rose from the floor at Sever's feet, miniature gods dissipating into the ether. And then Seal saw the change come over him. To his adrenaline-charged senses, it seemed to happen in slow motion: Sever' feet squared against the stone, back foot braced and front foot pointed. His spine, usually painfully upright, bent like a coiled snake; purpose set his shoulders and tensed his arms. The crack of glass against the wood echoed throughout the chapel, and Seal could have sworn it was the most beautiful sound in the world, just before the spray of glass ricocheted back and stabbed him in the face.
Sever dropped the plank like it was red-hot and hurried over to where Seal was rolling on the floor, hands clutched to his face, making a sound like a dying elephant. "Are you alright?" he asked frantically, trying to hold Seal still long enough to assess the damage. "I'll get Des, maybe she can moliate something --"
Seal grabbed at Sever's shoulders. "That -- was -- fucking -- brilliant!" he shouted, and confusion replaced fear as Sever realized Seal was laughing. Blood dripped down his face, from cuts of glass and from his caste mark. "Yes! That's what I'm fucking talking about! You're a fucking natural!" Seal laughed, pumping a fist in the air with elation. 
+++
Des and Star found them another half hour later, the crystal-saga having ended on a cliffhanger. It was the sound that drew them to the chapel: sounds of shattering glass, splintering wood, and laughter -- a laugh they had never heard before. Des rounded the corner first, then threw out an arm to stop Star and backpedaled hurriedly. "Look," she whispered, so Star stuck his head around the corner to look, and what he saw made his jaw drop.
Seal was standing at the far end of the chapel, piles of glass figurines around him. He was hurling the shards overhand at Sever, who was standing with his back to the chapel's entrance, holding.... a broken-off piece of wood? And was, unerringly, smashing every figurine as it sailed towards him, even when he had to jump to catch it or dive before it hit the floor. Unerringly, the spray of glass flew back towards Seal, who appeared to be playing a game of how long he could wait before hiding behind the pulpit. Blood speckled the wall of crystal behind him, though only Star's Essence-enhanced senses could pick that up. But he didn't need Essence to identify the unidentifiable noise.
Both Sever and Seal were laughing.
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Text
“Not Dating” (Part Three)
So hi, yes, this is Smut. Most of it is suggestive, but I suppose we get a little NSFW, nothing too crazy though. Also, I am dying over the group texts JFC.
Also, Im pretty sure this is going to be over 10k words now. (sigh)
NOT DATING MASTERLIST
Enjoy :)
*******************
From Clint-- My LORD Bucky is cranky today. 
From Steve-- Clint, not everyone is a morning person.
From Clint-- He just aggressively stirred his coffee.
From Steve-- you can’t aggressively stir coffee.
From Clint-- he stirred it so hard that the spoon broke off and the cup shattered.
From Steve-- Oh. Alright, maybe he’s a little tense. 
From Sam-- can confirm. Big and Surly has entered the living room and is staring at his phone so hard his laser vision might activate and destroy us all. 
From Natasha-- Bucky has laser vision? I’m so jealous.
From Clint-- Uh, no thanks babe, your glare is lethal enough without laser vision, thank you.
From Sam-- HE JUST SENT A TEXT
From Steve-- oh no, using a phone to text imagine that.
From Sam-- HE GOT A TEXT BACK AND HE IS SMILING
From Clint-- BRUCIE! UPDATE! Is Tony checking his phone?
From Bruce-- Don’t drag me into this.
From Natasha-- Don’t be a spoilsport Brucie.
From Bruce-- Oh good, I’m glad the nickname is catching on. No, Tony is still working in the lab with me. I haven’t seen him check his phone once. 
From Bruce-- correction, he isn’t texting but he did tell JARVIS to reply, fifteen minutes.
From Sam-- FIFTEEN MINUTES TILL WHAT
From Natasha-- someone calm Sam down before he gets overwhelmed and needs a nap. 
From Bruce-- this is so stupid, you guys. Just because Bucky smiles at his phone and Tony is using JARVIS to reply to random texts doesn’t mean anything. Its circumstantial at best.
From Clint-- well, if we were in a court of law, maybe that would matter. But since this is a court of love, I will take all the circumstantial evidence I can get. 
From Natasha-- good god you’re adorable
From Steve-- THERE IS NO COURT OF LOVE! BUCKY AND TONY ARE NOT DATING!
From Natasha-- Cap, we know they aren’t dating, but do we need to have the free love/ hook up culture talk again? 
From Steve-- ....I’m going for a run. You guys give me a headache.
************************
“Sorry about this.” Bucky mumbled, the words slightly muffled by the arm over his face. “I tried to do it-- you know, by myself? And it just didn’t happen.” 
“No worries.” Tony was trying not to stare, he really was, but the sight of Bucky stretched out on the bed in front of him was just a little too reminiscent of certain...dreams... he had been having, and he cleared his throat for about the thousandth time before laying a hand on Bucky’s thigh. “You good like this? Shorts on, again? Or off this time?” 
“On.” Bucky said quickly, then grimaced a little. “I’m all uh-- all scarred around my thighs.” 
“Why’s that?” Tony busied himself with spreading a towel out and blowing on the lube to warm it up in his palm. “Or you don’t have to tell me, never mind.” He settled on his knees between Bucky’s spread legs, using his dry hand to lift Bucky through the button fly of the shorts, then taking over with his slick hand. 
“Oh.” Bucky shuddered at the first touch, and Tony was more than a little pleased at how quickly the soldier hardened for him within just a few strokes. “Um, scars-- um, for injections? Because most of the veins in my arms are--” 
“We don’t have to talk about this now.” Tony interrupted with a short smile, a pang in his chest over the pain in Bucky’s voice. “I shouldn’t have asked when we are trying to have sexy times.” 
He budged closer and added a little more lube to his hand, a soft squelch as he circled Bucky’s cock and began pulling over him quickly. 
“Is that what this is?” Bucky’s breath was already coming faster, his hips shifting on the bed. “Sexy times? I thought we were calling it--ah-- physical therapy?” 
“That seemed a little weird, even for me.” Tony joked, and starting rubbing slow circles on Bucky’s leg with his other hand. “You said you tried by yourself?” 
“Yeah.” Bucky tensed when Tony tugged the foreskin back to massage his thumb over the leaking head. “Yeah, like four or five-- Tony, dammit-- four or five times?” 
“Why didn’t you just text me?” Tony couldn’t help his smile when Bucky gave up trying to cover his eyes and dropped his left arm to the bed to grip at the sheets desperately. “I mean, you didn’t have to wait until you were half out of your mind before texting me.”
“I didn’t want to--” Bucky groaned, thrusting his hips up to push his cock through Tony’s tight grip. “I didn’t want-- I mean, I thought it would be--” 
“Why don’t we finish this talk after I make you come?” Tony suggested with a grin, and set about doing just that, working up and down Bucky’s length, switching to both hands and alternating his speed until Bucky was arching off the bed, tearing at the blankets, stuttering through a curse as he tipped over his edge. 
“There you go.” Tony murmured and grabbed the towel to discreetly wipe his hands before laying it over Bucky’s lap. “Better?” 
He made to move off the bed, but Bucky grabbed at his wrist quickly, holding him there. “Just for a minute?” Bucky asked cautiously, keeping his eyes closed, but his hold light, so Tony sat back and waited, letting Bucky hold his wrist as he tried to come back to himself. 
“Thank you.” A few minutes later, awkwardly, as Bucky pushed to a sitting position. “Um-- so--”
“So we didn’t break any chairs this time.” Tony chuckled and Bucky tinged a little pink which was just about the cutest thing Tony had ever seen in his entire life. 
“I felt weird texting you to ask for this.” Bucky finally mumbled, letting his hair fall in his face to hide his eyes. “S’pecially since we don’t talk a whole lot anyway.” 
“I feel like we talk a reasonable amount.” Tony shrugged. “But I wouldn’t mind talking more, you know? You could just text me to say hi sometime.” 
He was teasing, of course, and Bucky looked up with a hopeful smile. “Yeah? Just to talk?” 
“Yeah, Brooklyn.” Tony leaned in and for about 2.3 seconds Bucky thought it might be for a kiss-- oh please god, let it be for a kiss-- but Tony only tucked a strand of dark hair behind Bucky’s ear. “Whenever you want. I always got my phone on, you know. Or you could come down to the lab and hang out. Maybe it would make physical therapy--” he nudged Bucky’s knee playfully. “-- less awkward?” 
“Uh sure.” Bucky grinned and Tony winked, and then was out the door. 
***********************
***********************
“This is so much better than I thought it would be.” Bucky admitted after Tony had spent a few minutes helping him come down. “I mean, never would’a thought to ask you for help or anything but this--” he dragged in a deep breath. “Tony, I swear your hands are magic or something.” 
Tony laughed, squeezing at his ankle before hopping off the bed. “Well, third time’s the charm, huh? Glad it didn’t take you three weeks to text me this time.” 
“Yeah.” Bucky felt a little embarrassed that it had only been four days in between this and the last time but Tony didn’t seem to care so....
“Alright, I’ll see you later?” Tony waved a little and headed out the door, but not before Bucky caught a glimpse of him adjusting himself with a grimace, easing the front of his jeans away from what looked like a size-able erection. 
Bucky couldn’t help the way he licked his lips, eyes brightening at the thought of Tony actually being turned on by this. Maybe next time he could reciprocate and they could get off together. 
The thought of getting his hands on that beautiful body, of watching Tony come apart with him was enough to make his spent cock twitch against his thigh and Bucky sighed down at it. 
“Gotta wait a few days for more of that, don’t we?” 
********************
 Tony was more than surprised when Bucky reached for his zipper halfway through their next (ahem) session. 
“Hey, don’t worry about it, its alright.” He tried to wave Bucky off. “I thought we were focusing on getting you off so you’d stop punching through my walls and breaking my chairs?” 
“You don’t want me to--” Bucky ran his palm over the bulge in Tony’s pants, pressing hard enough to make the genius’ eyes flutter shut. “Ya sure, sugar?” 
“Good god.” Tony laughed when his whole body twitched over the little but of Brooklyn coming through Bucky’s words. “That little bit of an accent kills me. What do I gotta do to make you talk like that more often?” 
“Pull your pants down?” Bucky suggested and Tony gave a little shimmy that made Bucky want to howl and dropped his jeans down his thighs enough for Bucky to get his hand on his cock, an appreciative noise from Bucky’s throat when he saw how thick Tony was.
“Ah shit--” Tony panted a little, braced his clean hand by Bucky’s waist, leaning further over his body. “Bucky---” 
************************
************************
From Sam-- Okay, I don’t want to be that guy, but Tony is smiling A LOT
From Steve-- Are we doing this again? Tony is smiling.
From Natasha-- yeah. ALOT. And not his press smile or that cute one he has for us. 
From Sam-- if I didn’t know better Id think Tony got laid.
From Steve-- Please stop talking
From Clint-- WHAT? You think those two finally sealed the deal?? Without telling us?
From Bruce-- Can someone please get me out of this group text?
From Sam-- No can do, Bruce. You spend the most time with Tony, when did he start being all dumb like this?
From Bruce-- Dumb like what?
From Natasha-- Smiling for no reason, staring off into space, putting his hands in his pockets and grinning like a dumbass? 
From Clint-- also, his eyes get all crinkly like he’s mega happy.
From Bruce-- uh....  two days ago? 
From Sam-- suspiciously, right about the time Bucky got another text message that made him smile. 
From Steve-- you guys are making mountains out of molehills. Just because Tony is in a good mood doesn’t mean anything is happening. 
From Clint-- yeah, alright Captain Denial. 
From Natasha-- which one do you think is the mountain and which one is the molehill. 
From Sam-- My bets on Frosty being the mountain. Super soldier, you know
From Bruce-- ARE WE SERIOUSLY TALKING ABOUT THE SIZE OF THEIR DICKS
From Clint-- no need to be crude, Brucie. Yo Sam, I don’t want to ruin your idea, but have you seen Tony in running shorts? He’s bigger than we think he is.
From Natasha-- I’m surprisingly okay with you noticing that, Clint.
From Clint-- ha, yeah you are baby. We’re open and flexible to all sorts of things, aren’t we?
From Bruce-- this is honestly the worst conversation I’ve ever had. 
From Steve-- I can second that.
*******************
*******************
“Tonytonytony you’re killing me--” Bucky gasped and tugged at the curly hair tangled in his fingers. “Ah shit-- shit, baby come on-- don’t stop--” 
“Easy on the hair.” Tony warned lightly, pulling his lips of Bucky’s cock with a slight pop. “I realize it’s been a while but if you pull my hair out we’re gonna have a problem.” 
“Sorry.” Bucky let go instantly, running his fingers down Tony’s cheek and to his jaw in a sort of frantic motion, reaching down to Tony’s neck to feel the muscles swallowing jerking the thick length shoved into his mouth. “Sorry, but pleasepleaseplease don’t stop--don’t stop--” 
“I’m not gonna stop.” Tony huffed a laugh. “Especially if you keep begging like that. Damnit, Brooklyn, you’re killing me.” 
He dropped back down, licking his lips to coat them in spit before he took Bucky in again, hollowing his cheeks and sucking hard, bopping up and down as best he could, easing more and more or Bucky past his tongue and to the back of his mouth and then swallowing enthusiastically (if not carefully) and Bucky cried out loud when the head of his cock slid further into tight and hot and wet....
Tony pulled all the way off, took a deep breath and plunged all the way down again--
--and Bucky broke. 
“TONY!” He fit both hands on the back of Tony’s head and held him down, thrusting up with shout, fucking between those red lips once twice, three times and then he was coming hard, pouring down Tony’s throat, groaning hoarsely through every twitch and spasm and little jolt of pleasure he could wring from his orgasm. 
“Ah god, ah sweet thing that was so good, you’re so good, holy shit--” Bucky couldn’t even get a full breath in, combing his fingers through Tony’s hair and wiping away the tears from Tony’s eyes watering. “Sugar, I can’t believe--” 
“WHAT THAT FUCK BUCKY?” Tony jerked away, rolling off the bed and wiping at his mouth. “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” 
“Tony--” Bucky’s mouth fell open. “Um--” 
“DID I EVER TELL YOU TO HOLD ME DOWN?” Tony was practically screeching, grabbing for the ever present towel and spitting into it, furiously wiping the mess from his lips. “WHY DID YOU THINK YOU COULD COME IN MY MOUTH WITHOUT ASKING?! YOU DIDN’T EVEN WARN ME!!” 
“Oh shit.” Bucky’s stomach dropped. “Oh shit, Tony, M’sorry, so sorry. I got carried away and--” 
“Yeah no shit!” Tony spat.
“--I forgot to ask, honey, I’m so sorry!” Bucky zipped himself back up and reached for Tony pleadingly. “You felt so good and its been a really long time for me--”
“That’s not a fucking excuse!” Tony was still furious. “Do you know what its like to take a goddamn summer sausage down your throat when you aren’t expecting it?” 
“Sorry, a what?” Bucky was trying not to laugh, really really trying, but Tony had yelled summer sausage with a perfectly straight face and---. “What did you call me?” 
“YOU KNOW HOW BIG YOU ARE!” Tony shouted. “DON’T PRETEND LIKE YOU DON’T! YOU’RE A GODDAMN SUMMER SAUSAGE AND PROBABLY JUST RUINED MY THROAT FOR A YEAR!” 
“Tony!” Bucky scrambled off the bed and tried to take his hand. “I’m so sorry, sugar, it won’t happen again. Let me make it up to you?” 
“Yeah, you’re damn right it wont happen again!” Tony slammed the door behind him as he left and Bucky slumped onto his bed with a groan. 
He was the worst at this.
********************
********************
“Hey Tony.” 
“Mmph.” Tony grumbled something in Bruce’s general direction and started digging through one of the cupboards. 
“Coffee pot is full.” Bruce offered, motioning to Tony’s favorite thing in the entire house. “Got a cup ready for you and everything.”
“I need tea.” Tony pointed to his throat. “Scratchy and sore.” 
“Oh gee, are you getting sick?” Bruce instantly produced his box of herbal teas. “Chamomile to settle your stomach? Peppermint? Slippery Elm or Licorice root for your throat?” 
“I am not drinking anything called slippery elm.” Tony snorted, then grimaced and touched his neck again. “Maybe just some green tea.” 
“Yeah, I’ll make you some.” Bruce reached for the tea kettle to start boiling water, frowning when he saw Clint frantically trying to signal him from the living room. 
What? he mouthed and Clint waved his hands around wildly before signing rapidly in Bruce’s direction. 
Bruce frowned and shook his head. They all knew sign language of course, but Clint was signing at about a million miles a minute and Bruce couldn’t keep up. 
Clint rolled his eyes and waved his phone then, and Bruce shook his head to that too. No phone on him. 
Clint threw his hands up in the universal sign of abject frustration, then very slowly and purposefully jabbed a finger at Tony. 
Tony. Got it. Bruce sent him a thumbs up. 
Next Clint pointed at his neck, then again at Tony. 
Tony’s neck? Throat? Okay?
Then Clint grinned impishly and made a rather vulgar, clear as day motion miming a blow job, then tapped his left arm. 
Tony gave Bucky a blow job and that’s why his throat is sore?
“EEP!” Bruce yelped in horror, and Clint dove onto the couch so Tony wouldn’t see him die of laughter. 
“Brucie-bear?” Tony rubbed at his forehead in frustration. “How’s the tea coming?” 
“Oh, here you go Tony.” Bruce handed him a cup, shooting an irritable glance at Clint. “What happened? Sing too loudly in your lab?” 
“Uh, there was some shouting.” Tony took a quick sip. “Sure.” 
“Sorry, Tony.” Bruce tsked in sympathy. 
Over Tony’s shoulder, Sam entered the living room, a startled HNG? from him as Clint yanked him onto the couch and whispered furiously into his ear. 
Sam popped back up, eyes wide, wiggling his eyebrows in Bruce’s direction. 
He shook his head emphatically, only to be out nodded by the other two, who grinned and made blow job motions. 
Then Natasha walked through the room and smacked them both upside the head as she passed and Bruce sent her a grateful look. 
“Tony.” Bruce coughed and tried to sound as casual as he could. “You aren’t um-- I mean, are you seeing anyone? Right now? Dating anyone?” 
“No.” Tony took another drink and sent him a curious look. “Why, Bruce? You want to go out some time?” 
“Uh--” Bruce blinked at him. “Well, no not really. I mean, no offense but--” 
“No offense taken.” Tony shrugged it off. “I didn’t think you were into that sort of thing. But no, not dating anyone. Why?” 
“Just curious.” 
**********************
**********************
“Heya sweet thing.” Bucky offered as he entered the lab and Tony leveled him with a glare that could kill a cactus. “Uh, how’s your throat?” 
“I’ve had to drink tea for the last three days.” Tony said frostily. “How do you think it is?” 
“Right.” Bucky kicked at the ground self consciously. “Um listen, I wanna apologize--”
“--I would think so--”
“-- and I don’t really know how to do that without it sounding like I’m only apologizing so you’ll come back to my room.” 
“Yeah.” Tony went back to his computer. “I will definitely think it’s only because you want me to get you off again.” 
“Ah, sugar, I’m so sorry I did that to you.” Bucky did sound remorseful, so Tony slanted a look his way. “I never would’a done it, jus’ got all carried away and you were takin’ me so good and all--” the big soldier shrugged helplessly. “I’m sorry.” 
“Alright.” Tony didn’t sound totally convinced, so Bucky took a few steps closer and turned Tony’s chair so it was facing him, getting on his knees on the hard floor. “What-- what are you doing?” 
“I used to be good at this.” Bucky explained with a shy little smile. “All the charm and stuff? Kissing and um sexy times? And that? And I sure knew how to use my mouth, you know?” 
“Uh--” Tony’s eyebrows almost flew off his face. “Are you offering...?”
“If ya want.” Bucky slid his right hand up Tony’s leg. “I mean, actions speak louder than words, right?” 
“You don’t have to do this.” Tony watched him closely. “I’m a little sore at you still, but Ill get over it. Give me a few more days and I’ll miss you enough to text you back.” 
“Are you saying no?” Bucky asked teasingly, running his tongue over his lips and letting his voice roughen. “Sayin’ no to me gettin’ ya in my mouth?” 
“Good Christ.” Tony started yanking at his jeans and Bucky tried not to laugh, only helped Tony pull them down to his thighs, then took Tony’s hands and threaded them into his hair. 
“Are you sure?” Tony frowned then. “I would think something like having your hair pulled would trigger you?” 
“I used to love it.” Bucky confessed. “I bet Ill love it with you too.” 
“Oh shit.” Tony breathed, and curled the long strands into his fingers. “Oh hell yeah.” 
“Let’s see if I remember how to do this.” Bucky grinned and nuzzled his nose into the soft patch of skin at Tony’s hip. “Hold onto me, sugar.” 
******************
Tony considered himself to have better than average staying power, and to be an excellent, considerate lover, but wow it was almost embarrassing how quickly he was on edge once Bucky started licking over him, how badly he wanted to tell Bucky to hold still and just let him fuck into that pretty mouth. 
Bucky glanced up at him from beneath those thick lashes like he fucking knew, and went back to pressing his lips in soft kisses to the side of Tony’s cock, his palm smoothing up and down the other side, the combination of rough and soft making Tony see stars. 
“Never been with someone cut before.” Bucky grunted, flicking his tongue out around the head of Tony’s cock, digging his tongue in just enough to collect the wet seeping from the tip. “Sure is pretty.” 
“Oh fuck.” Tony jerked up then, and Bucky opened his mouth a bare inch, suckling just a bit before pulling off again. “Oh come on, where are you going?” Tony laughed but not because it was funny, only because the split second on Bucky’s tongue had been enough to make him just about lose his mind. 
“This is an apology, remember?” Bucky’s smile was nothing short of wicked as hell, and if Tony hadn’t been wound so tight he might have smacked the soldier. 
As it was though, Bucky’s fingers trailed into the crease of hip and thigh, brushing the base of Tony’s cock before dipping lower and Tony lifted right off the seat when Bucky cradled his sac gently, exploring every inch he could, stroking over the sensitive perineum and stopping just short of Tony’s entrance. 
The noise Tony made was practically a whine, and Bucky hid his smile because he definitely had an answer to the question of whether or not Tony was a top or bottom. 
Finally, and not a minute to soon, Bucky opened his mouth and swallowed around Tony’s (surprisingly, pleasingly, bigger than he expected) cock, taking him clear to the root with the first breath and mashing his nose into Tony’s soft stomach. 
“Bucky!” The fingers in his hair tightened almost to the point of pain, and Bucky only hummed in approval and tried to push closer, working this throat so it rippled and twitched around Tony, and only when he needed to breathe did Bucky start pulling away, leaving heavy strands of saliva as he went, coating Tony’s cock to keep it slick. 
“Damn it, you are good at this.” Tony gaped at him in surprise. “No gag reflex, huh?” 
“Why don’t you find out?” Bucky offered, sitting back on his heels and urging Tony to the edge of the chair. Then he dropped his jaw open and ran his metal fingers over his lips--holy shit, did Tony’s eyes get a little crazy over that-- before asking, “Don’t ya wanna fuck my mouth, sugar?” 
Tony only waited long enough to make sure that Bucky was really alright with it, then he held Bucky’s head still, tugging at his hair to keep it tilted back, and fed his length between those perfectly red lips. 
“Ohhhhhh oh oh oh.” Tony groaned when Bucky’s nose met his stomach again, then withdrew and thrust back in lightly, testing the movement. Bucky only raised his eyebrows and nodded as best as he could, so Tony took a deep breath, and let himself lose a little control.
*********************
*********************
Bucky knew damn well that if the serum didn’t enhance his healing and make him sort of bullet proof, his throat would be just as sore as Tony’s had been, because once permission had been given, Tony hadn’t held back at all. 
In fact, Bucky was even reconsidering his earlier assumption that Tony was a bottom, and that was... that was more than okay with him. 
“Jesus Christ.” Tony was practically slurring his words as he stretched out on the couch in the corner of the lab. “Bucky, what the hell?” 
“You forgive me, sugar?” Bucky drained another water bottle and smiled hopefully. “We alright?” 
“We were alright before the spectacular blow job.” Tony blew out a deep breath. “But hey, I’m not gonna complain if that’s how you want to apologize from here on out. In fact, if it wasn’t a creepy thing to do, I’d pretend to be mad just to get you on your knees more often.” 
“Don’t gotta be made for me to get on my knees.” Bucky teased and Tony laughed it off, closing his eyes and yawning. 
“Im beat, Brooklyn. Gonna take a nap.” 
“Sure thing.” Bucky hesitated before leaving, staring over at the nearly asleep genius. 
His crush on Tony had been pushing out of control well before this all started, but after almost two months of these sort of moments together, it was quickly sliding into dangerous territory. Bucky had no idea how Tony felt about him, but there had to be something there, right? Because Tony’s eyes were always soft and sweet after wards, and he was staying longer and longer after they finished, sitting on the bed and talking, or cleaning up in the bathroom instead of leaving to do it, and that seemed... intimate? Closer, somehow? 
Either way, Bucky decided to take a chance, so he bent over the couch and brushed the softest kiss possible onto Tony’s lips. 
Except as he went to pull away, Tony hooked an arm around his neck and dragged him back for a better kiss, their lips meeting firmly for several seconds before he let him go. 
“Text me, huh?” Tony smiled sweetly, then curled up into the couch and promptly fell asleep. 
“Sure thing, sweet thing.” Bucky whispered, and left as quietly as he could. 
**********************
**********************
From Natasha-- I JUST HEARD BUCKY HUMMING OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING AS HE PASSED ME IN THE HALLWAY
From Clint-- OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO MAKE IT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING
From Steve-- The sun came up? Like it does every day?
From Sam-- get out Steve, no one wants you here. Plus, I have something better. I was heading down to the lab to grab Tony for a run, and Bucky was leaving and told me to be quiet because Tony was sleeping!
From Steve-- and?
From Clint-- AND???
From Sam-- so I peeked in and Tony was sleeping BUT HIS PANTS WERE STILL UNZIPPED
From Natasha-- you’re lying
From Sam-- IM NOT LYING
From Steve-- oh my god, is something actually going on between those two?
From Bruce-- i asked Tony the other day if he was dating anyone, but he said no...
From Steve-- Yeah, but apparently hook up culture is a thing, so they don’t have to be dating. 
From Clint-- Captain Prude, is Frosty a top or a bottom
From Steve-- Im not answering that
From Sam-- I bet he’s a switch. Half power top, half submissive thing blinking up at you with those ridiculous eyes. 
From Natasha-- Tony is a switch too. Power bottom I bet, then super sweet when he tops.  I bet they just flip a coin to figure it out. 
From Steve-- hey Bruce, wanna move?
From Bruce-- yeah, to like, Antarctica. 
From Sam--  spoilsports.
*********************
*********************
“Stay.” Bucky said a few days later after they had cleaned the mess off each other’s stomach. “Stay with me.” 
“Yeah?” Tony looked around the room. “It’s getting late.” 
“So?” Bucky leaned in and kissed him gently, thrilling to his core when Tony kissed him back. “You can sleep here.” 
“You sure?” Tony raised an eyebrow skeptically. “I thought hook ups are supposed to end before midnight.” 
“Is that what we’re doing, hooking up?” Bucky asked, and he was smiling, but he was really serious, hoping Tony would put a little bit of clarification to...to this.
“Well, I don’t think we can pretend its physical therapy anymore.” Tony said dryly, then shrugged and tossed his pants back onto the floor. “Yeah, Ill stay.” 
“Good.” Bucky tucked him in close, turning them on their sides and plastering himself to Tony’s back. 
“Oh look at that.” Tony wheezed when Bucky’s arms tightened around him. “He’s a cuddler.” 
“All us forties boys are.” Bucky mumbled. 
Tony only grinned. “Sleep tight, Brooklyn.” 
***************************
@bethy-sue @thesmollestgay @the-ice-goddess @redqueenblue @babypinkbunny @lilwitchybee @kloudbby @alice-hope @shipeveryonetogether @shadowrayven @deppfan16 @hausoffro @darkangelalex @plutoisstillsalty @thereaderandwriterwithin @thecat-theparrot-theonion @zerokrox-blog @zuretha-metal @hurricanesass @tstilcr @ulnusilmukka @kahowl-knight @oswolfpack @larissaloki @stuckony-stank @blackhearted @iona-laia @itsallyd @youarenewformetoo @megahuffledor @nerdy-ladybug @black--pan @starks-avengers @tabziecat @stitchinaride @scottishaccentsareawesome @ceealaina @cwar1864 @trinidaddee @shitty-imagines-95 @kaleenjackson @bornwithgasolineheart @muemmelmonster 
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concussed-to-pieces · 7 years
Text
Survival
Fandom: Jurassic World
Pairing: Owen Grady/Unnamed OFC
Rating: Holy shit M.
AN: Here it is! My first Thirst Party Saturday foray into another fandom! Tagging @toxiicpop naturally and I'd like to give an enormous thank you to @im-an-octopus, their Chris Pratt character headcanons (the Pratt Pack, if you will) are incredibly thought out and articulate. Enjoy!
[This takes place essentially in the middle of the Indominus incident, and goes from there.]
He’d seen the large body from quite a distance away, but the smaller form crumpled beside it hadn’t been apparent until he went almost full circle. Owen jerked up the brake, fumbling to get his seat belt off and quickly slinging his rifle over his shoulder.
There were strategically placed feeding stations close to the Gyrosphere path in the Valley to encourage more animal visibility, she was one of the volunteers who stocked the dry feed and ferns for the Apatosaurus herd. Sometimes he saw her assisting with the one juvenile Apatosaurus and the squirmier Gallimimus in the petting zoo area. That was all he knew. He couldn’t even remember her name, he honestly wasn’t sure if he had ever known it to begin with.
The first thing that got his attention when he opened the car door was the sound of quiet crying. So she wasn’t dead, then. Probably just in shock. “Hey!” He hissed, trying to keep his voice down as he was unsure of whether the Indominus was still close by. “Hey, are you alright?”
She didn’t give any indication that she had heard him and when Owen rounded the long neck of the animal he saw her clinging to it, sobbing pitifully like a child. The sight made his throat ache and he squared his shoulders, irritated with himself.
He crept closer, doing his best to rustle and make his presence known through exaggerated footfalls and coughing once or twice. She paid him no attention, her focus wholly on the huge animal that was currently dying. Owen bore no ill will at being ignored in this instance though, remembering all too clearly the sting of sadness and even worse, the feeling that he’d failed when a raptor out of his pack clutch didn’t survive. Poor Foxtrot.
“-didn’t deserve that, y-you were always the sw-sweetest thing.” She hiccupped between sobs. Owen noticed her comparatively tiny fingers pressed over a gaping slash wound in the Apatosaur’s neck. The herbivore gave a pained grunt of breath, blood bubbling from the gash.  “It’s okay, sweetheart. No one w-will be angry with you if you sleep now, okay?” Her shoulders shook with the effort of holding back tears so she could reassure the giant animal. “You can sleep. You were so brave, k-kept me safe from whatever that was. Sleep, sweetheart.” She whispered, pulling herself closer so she could rest her forehead on the scaly skin. “It’s over now.”
After several seconds of its breathing becoming slower and more labored, the Apatosaurus shuddered and went totally still. She couldn’t hold back her tears any longer at that, tightening her hold on the creature’s neck and burying her face. Owen felt like he was witnessing something he shouldn’t be, shifting back and forth awkwardly for a minute before finally tapping her on the shoulder.
She shook her head. “She died for me.” She mumbled. “She kept me safe from that…whatever that was. The huge one.”
“They named it the Indominus Rex. I guess callin’ it the ‘Shitshow Waiting To Happen’ Rex was a little too on the nose.” Owen didn’t know why the hell he even said anything about it. She was clearly emotionally compromised and not in a listening mood.
“That’s what they’ve been making, isn’t it?” Her question startled him. He hadn’t known they were cooking that giant lizard up, how the hell would she know? Owen wasn’t exactly the most social guy but he liked to think he had a decent finger on the pulse of the island. “In the lab, that’s what they were all so happy about.” Her voice was shaky. “A couple of the inside nerds came into our break room the other day, told a bunch of us that we were going to be rendered useless in a matter of weeks.”
Owen’s brow furrowed. “Why the hell…?”
“They said a crane had been proved to do our job just as well, and if a crane gets broken it’s not counted as a casualty.” She pulled away from the Apatosaurus, scrubbing her dirty hands on her shorts. “They said it would help prevent accidents, take down operating costs if they didn’t have so many of us little khaki-clad park rangers running around.” She sounded bitter and Owen didn’t blame her for one second. “I’m sorry, I’m just...could I possibly hitch a ride with you back to the fence? I should be able to get to the resort on my own from there.” Her body was still shuddering a little from her lengthy crying jag but she was obviously trying to put on a brave face. Whether for him or in honor of her deceased charge, Owen wasn’t quite sure.
He got the feeling that he would regret this, but he couldn’t in good conscience drop her off essentially in the middle of nowhere to make her own way. Definitely not with that big beasty roaming free. “Listen. I know you’re mournin’ your charges right now, so it would make me feel a lot better if you just stuck with me and I could get you to the resort in one piece.” He tried to gentle his voice without seeming patronizing.  “I don’t know where the I. Rex is and if somethin’ happens to you, somethin’ that my ass could have prevented…” He trailed off.
“It killed most of the herd, then it took off. I heard it coming and it was just…I thought it was Rexy at first but the color was all wrong, and then I saw how long its arms were. It was practically on top of me by the time I realized I should run and it was too late. I…are you going to kill it?” She asked hesitantly.
Owen grimaced. “Masrani an’ the powers that be are a little leery of dumping that kind of money down the drain. Me, on the other hand? If I can kill it, if it can be killed, I’m definitely killing it.” He doubted a creature that unstable could be subdued without emptying a clip or twenty into its skull. He held out his hand. “Hop into the truck, ma’am. I’ll bring you home safe.”
...
That promise was lofty as hell and honestly, I should have known better than to make it, he thought ruefully as he stood in front of her, arms spread. Blue was staring him down with Delta and Echo flanking them. As if the clusterfuck with the helicopter through the Aviary and the subsequent panicking vacationers hadn’t been enough bullshit for one day. As if the I. Rex itself wasn’t a living, breathing clusterfuck all on its own.
The missing presence of Charlie was like a quiet chorus of wrongwrongwrong in the back of his mind. He wasn’t used to seeing less of his pack and he whickered quietly in his throat, hearing Delta mimic the noise. Blue continued to focus on Owen and he realized that she was the only one who still had a camera strapped around her head.
Slowly, ever so slowly, Owen inched his hand out. Murmuring reassurances the whole time and making sure the beta Velociraptor could clearly see his hand, his fingers finally touched the buckle on the side of her jaw. Blue chuffed at him and Owen found himself smiling a little. “Shh, easy. Just me.” He said quietly. “Good girl, good girl.” The woman at his side moved just a fraction closer to Echo. Owen barely caught the motion out of the corner of his eye. “Stay still please. I like my hand the way it is.” He said in the same calm, quiet tone.
“Sorry, used to the herbivores.” She apologized, her own voice deliberately gentle. To Owen’s surprise Echo made a noise that was usually associated with playful behavior, a warbling little chirp. The volunteer didn’t seem particularly afraid of the raptors despite having clearly witnessed the fact that Owen wasn’t the one in charge of them anymore. He couldn’t decide if that was stupid or not.
“Easy girl. Let’s get this off, okay?” Owen pressed down carefully on the buckle and unclipped the straps, letting the camera drop to the ground. Blue clicked warily at him, watching as he eased his hand back just as slow. “There, that’s better, right?” He continued, doing his best to keep the beta calm. “Good girl. I’m sorry about Charlie, Blue. Thanks for not rippin’ a chunk out of Barry. Delta, you’re gettin’ extra scratch time with Barry for tearin’ Hoskins apart.” He was sort of rambling at this point, wondering how long this truce would last before his girls lit him up.
Blue hadn’t stopped staring at him. Echo chittered loudly, seeming to try and pull Owen’s attention. He knew better than to glance her way, very familiar with how his pack hunted.
“I know you’re there, Echo. I’m busy at the moment. Gotta’ keep my eyes on the boss.” Owen felt the ground shudder and he was not ashamed to admit that he lost his breath for a second or twelve when the I. Rex rounded the corner of Main Street. The sheer mass of the creature was terrifying by itself, never mind that it had been specifically engineered to be scary (ala the Carnotaurus motif; Owen was honestly surprised that they hadn’t given the thing blatant horns on its skull instead of the smaller protrusions). The jaw structure designed to crush, the spines that were obviously cosmetic. What the hell did a fake dinosaur in solitary confinement need defensive spikes for anyhow?
“Imagine that one, fraction of the size. Deadly, intelligent, able to hide from the most advanced military technology.”
Owen could still barely wrap his head around the fact that Hoskins had thought this was a good idea. Not only that, but good enough to pour inGen’s resources into indiscriminately. Sure, he’d had a bit of a clue that he wasn’t being hired to train Velociraptors to balance balls on their noses or clap like goddamn seals, but if he had known that the end game was a fake T. Rex with goddamn cloaking, social anxiety and an incurable affection for cranes he doubted he would have taken the job.
The Indominus Rex rumbled at the Velociraptors. Owen could practically hear it pitching a tantrum, why haven’t you eaten them yet?! Blue turned to hiss back, snapping her jaws and surprising the hell out of Owen with her defiance. For the first time since Delta chased them back out of the Innovations Center he felt a faint glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe.
“Pointers for working with large carnivores?” She muttered out of the side of her mouth. It was a relief to realize that she wasn’t scared brainless. Shitless maybe, but she hadn’t fainted and her gears were still turning. The hope burned a little brighter.
“Avoid doing so. Barring that, be really fast and good at hiding. Mask your scent.” Owen replied. “This thing…it isn’t exactly well-adjusted. Little to no training, not like my raptors. Hell, Rexy is more trained than this thing.”
“Well you could have just said that we were fucked.”
“I don’t know if we are yet.” Owen said evenly, watching Blue interact in a more and more hostile manner with the genetic mishmash towering over them. “We’ve got a prayer here. I think Blue took me back as alpha, s’long as my girls can keep it together we have a shot.”
“I’ll do my best.”
Owen caught the wave of hysterical laughter that wanted to break free, the barest snicker escaping him. “I meant the raptors.”
“Rude.” The fact that she could be glib at a time like this was unexpectedly comforting. Owen eased his hand down and wrapped his fingers around her own, squeezing lightly. She squeezed back after a moment. “Thank you. Sorry.”
Blue screeched abruptly and the I. Rex roared furiously in reply, swiping the beta into the wall of the nearby Starbucks. The Velociraptor slumped to the ground and Owen barely kept from screaming, biting down on his fist. Blue!
Echo and Delta both turned to face the Indominus, angrily chirruping and snapping at the large creature. Owen, doing his damnedest to wrestle himself back under control, felt the volunteer's grip tighten on his hand again. He didn’t have the luxury of going to pieces right now, dammit. He still had his rifle. He still had two of his girls. His eyes narrowed and he sucked in a breath, then emitted a piercing whistle.
The raptors immediately went on the offensive, clawing and tearing their way up the sides of the Indominus. Owen gave the woman a quick push towards a small merchandise kiosk and she bolted for the building, leaving him with the remainder of his pack and the giant creature in the middle of Main Street.
Hell of a showdown. Owen smiled grimly, slinging his rifle around and setting the stock firmly before taking his first shot. Circling the massive beast, firing whenever he had a clear line of sight, Owen did everything that he could to put dents in the thing’s armor so his girls would have a better (albeit slim) chance of tearing it apart.
Hell of a way to die. His brow furrowed and he pulled the trigger again.
When Delta was flung through the Winston’s Steakhouse window and promptly roasted alive in a burst of flame from the still-active grill, when the Indominus crushed Echo in her jaws and tossed her aside, Owen felt his guts seize. His fingers grew clumsy as he reloaded and he almost dropped his rifle, blinking back the tears. He’d raised these animals, God damn it, imprinted on them, grown with them. He thought of the woman who cared for the Apatosaurus herd, putting her own sorrow on the back burner to assure the long-necked herbivore that it was alright to leave.
“No one will be mad at you.”
There would be time to mourn, assuming he got out of this alive. Time to grieve the loss of his pack. But at this moment there was no room for sorrow.
Owen made a mad dash for the relative shelter of the kiosk, but to his horror when he vaulted over the counter he found the tiny store deserted. Oh no. He heard a loud, rattling inhale behind him and he froze, listening to the I. Rex tramp around outside. The huge jaw of the creature banged into the side of the kiosk, tossing stuffed dinosaurs and T-shirts onto the young man. He was well and truly screwed, he realized as the Indominus’ talons broke through the side of the kiosk and gouged the floor in an attempt to tear him apart.
He pressed himself against the opposite wall, wishing that he could close his eyes and open them again to find that this was all a bad dream. His girls were gone, and he was about to be torn limb from limb by some bastardized horror show of a dinosaur. His only solace in that moment was knowing that he’d fulfilled his promise to that volunteer. Because obviously she was safe, she was probably boarding the ferry right now.
The Indominus isn’t moving its feet but the ground is shaking, why is the ground shaking if the Indominus isn’t moving?
Owen could feel the thunder of colossal footsteps and he saw a flare go sailing by to bounce off the side of the creature attempting to eat him alive. His eyes widened. Oh Jesus, she didn’t-
The trumpeting roar that Rexy let out was teeth-rattling, he had heard her before of course but always from a safe distance. Being up close and personal with the park’s goat-fed matriarch was an experience he could have lived without. He caught the barest glimpse of the volunteer, standing practically beneath the T. Rex. Holy shit, she did. His flicker of admiration was short-lived as Rexy and the Indominus met each other head-on almost directly in front of his hideout.
Owen would have nightmares later on, about being crushed to death or torn apart when the T. Rex ended up crashing through the side of his hideout. In the moment though he wildly debated just jamming his rifle into the animal’s gaping maw and firing until she decided to latch onto him. At least he’d go down fighting like his girls.
But the Indominus dragged Rexy back out without giving him the chance to act on his crazy idea, and Owen bolted from the stand seconds before it collapsed on top of him.
Adrenaline give me fucking strength!
He careened to a halt beside the woman who had taken up shelter by a large volcanic boulder on display, unsure of whether he ought to kiss her or scream at her because what the fuck, the T. Rex?! She caught his hand and clung to it tightly, which sort of made the decision a little simpler.
To Owen’s horror he suddenly realized that the Indominus appeared to be gaining the advantage, flooring Rexy and pinning her head and neck with its claws. The I. Rex opened those fearsome jaws, leisurely moving in to rip Rexy’s throat out and Owen turned his head away, refusing to watch another animal die at the proverbial hands of this beast. She buried her face in his chest, tears soaking his shirt as she seemed to grasp that Rexy had been their last-ditch effort, and the odds were not exactly in their favor.
A faint sound caught Owen’s attention, making him jerk his eyes back up. He hardly dared to hope, but-
“Blue.” He breathed, recognizing her distinctive, ‘coughing’ call.  The raptor, coming from the far end of Main Street, quickly picked up speed and vaulted off of Rexy’s prone form to fling herself at the face of the Indominus. The I. Rex brayed in confusion, swinging wildly in an attempt to shake off the Velociraptor and not appearing to notice when the T. Rex rolled back onto her feet. But it sure as hell noticed a second later when Rexy caught it around the throat and slammed it up against the wall nearby. Sparks popped and hissed as elaborate lighting fixtures were destroyed, showering the two humans hiding behind the rock with glass and other small debris.
Owen gripped the volunteer’s arm and fled across the plaza into the larger gift shop, knowing that the building would at least provide them some cover. When Blue crashed through the glass in front of them and immediately got back to her feet he wanted to holler, to tell her she was doing a ‘great damn job!’ But he stifled the urge so as not to distract the only surviving member of his pack. The beta had more than enough problems to worry about without being made victim to his emotional, human responses.
Owen felt a faint twinge of remorse when Rexy forced the Indominus into the side of Margaritaville, a little amused with himself for thinking about drinks at a time like this. But if they survived this endeavor, he knew exactly where he would go. The volunteer gripped his arm tightly, her breath coming in panicky gasps. She didn’t seem able to look away from the clash of the titans going on mere feet in front of them.
Rexy tossed the I. Rex into the metal fencing surrounding the lagoon, sending a portion of it crashing into the water. The Indominus floundered back to its feet, that terrifying, discordant roar echoing on Main Street as it stood. Blue screeched loudly in reply and Rexy opened her own jaws wide to bellow.
In all the chaos Owen had forgotten about the denizen of the lagoon. Mosasaurs hunt close to the surface of the water...fish, turtles, smaller Mosasaurs. The aquatic predator leaped headlong at the I. Rex through the freshly-made gap in the fence, sinking her teeth into the creature’s neck. The Indominus flailed for a split second before being dragged bodily into the lagoon.
There was a long moment of silence, and then the haunting, low frequency call of the feeding Mosasaurus faintly reached Owen’s ears. He exhaled the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in a long, slow whoosh.
The volunteer let go of his arm, fumbling at her waist for something as Rexy stared at Blue. The raptor chittered uneasily at the larger animal and Owen took in the long-scarred wounds on Rexy’s neck beneath all the fresh ones. Velociraptor claw marks, he was sure of it. But how could that have happened?
She was from the first attempt Grady, it ain’t like that shit went well.
A snapping noise pulled his attention to the woman beside him and he was horrified to see a now-burning flare held tightly in her hand. The noise and light had also gotten Rexy’s attention, distracting her from the Velociraptor. Owen felt a wave of gratitude almost overcome the panic he felt, she had (intentionally or otherwise) saved his last raptor. But before he could so much as open his mouth the woman took off at a dead sprint back across Main Street. Paddock Nine, Owen thought numbly, watching her raise the clunky walkie-talkie to her mouth. She’s going to try and get her back in her cage. Jesus fucking Christ.
Blue chirped uncertainly at him, turning to watch Rexy tromp off after the woman. Owen’s voice shook as he called to Blue, snagging her attention so she wouldn’t give chase. “Good girl. Jesus Christ Blue, I think you’re the only one who’s ever teamed up with a T. Rex and lived to talk about it.” He extended his hand, clicking his tongue in an imitation of his training clicker when she didn’t immediately go into an aggressive stance. “Good girl, shit I wish I had somethin’ to give you. You done damn good, Blue.” He praised, chuckling incredulously.
She croaked at him and he mimicked the noise, wishing now more than ever that they had dedicated less time to getting the raptors under their thumb and more time to understanding them. He would have happily handed over every one of his paychecks from inGen if it meant he could have communicated better with his girls. Blue gave one last fond-sounding whiffle of breath and headed off in the direction of the Innovations building. Owen had to blink back the tears again as he heard her call for her deceased pack mates, the familiar grunts and snaps going unanswered in the night.
He finally shook himself bodily and urged his exhausted legs to carry him across the square, giving the area of destroyed fencing a wide berth. That would be just his luck. Paddock Nine. He picked up speed despite his weariness, the fear finally seeming to hit him. She’s alone with a fucking T. Rex and she’s unarmed, oh my God. Owen’s eyes narrowed and he began reloading his rifle as he ran. She had saved Blue. He would be damned if she died without him tearing at least a few holes in that T. Rex.
His frantic run was cut short as he came whipping down the long passageway between the paddocks and foggily noticed that Paddock Nine was in fact, closed up nice and tight. What really got his attention was the body curled against the wall on the opposite side, a walkie-talkie resting on the ground nearby.
“Hey!” He yelled, almost slipping on the smooth cement in his haste to reach her. “Shit, shit shit shit, no no, fuck c’mon, don’t do this shit to me.” He swore under his breath as he dropped to his knees.
She raised her face to look at him dazedly, her cheeks wet with tears. “I…”
“Fucking hell.” Owen wrapped her in a fierce hug, cutting off whatever else she might have said. “You gave me such a fucking scare, what the hell were you thinkin’?” He scolded, both irritated and relieved beyond measure.
“I didn’t…your raptors--I-I j-just…” Her voice petered out and she slid her arms beneath his own, digging her fingers into his vest. “I couldn’t w-w-watch that, n-not again.” She managed to sob. “M’ so sorry, I j-just--”
Owen hushed her, rubbing her back in slow, careful circles and letting her cry. “I didn’t mean t’ yell at you. I’m glad you’re safe.” He said quietly. “I owe you at least one debt of gratitude for savin’ my girl. Two, if you count savin’ my ass as worthwhile.”
“God Mr. Grady, I’m fucking exhausted.” She said bluntly, making him chuckle. “I am…I am clearly out of shape, Jesus Christ. Rexy running buddy is a hell of a motivator.”
“So I saw. We’re lucky she’s well-fed and curious.” Owen got to his feet and held out his hand. “I’m lucky that you’re so smart.” He said a little quieter, almost to himself. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t had brushes with death before, but never with quite so many teeth.
“No, you’re lucky I’m too dumb to think about things before I do them. Otherwise I would have been scared stiff.” She corrected, grabbing his hand and letting him haul her upright. “Holy shit, I can’t even believe we did it. Wow.” Her fingers clenched in the fabric of his shirt and she swayed on her feet, stumbling a step.
“Whoa, easy now.” Owen steadied her, sliding an arm beneath her shoulders. “Easy. We’ll get back to the plaza, okay? See if we can grab some grub. I don’t know about you, but I’m fucking starvin’.”
“That sounds incredible.” She murmured, putting one foot in front of the other at his gentle urging. “Sleep after that, yeah?”
“Hell yeah. We are gonna’ sleep like the dead.” Owen wasn’t sure if he would ever sleep again after everything that had happened. “We’re sticking together though, I don’t know if the volunteer bunkhouse has been compromised. Plus, I ain’t exactly gonna’ leave you alone out here.”
“Thank you.” She suddenly let out a hysterical little giggle. “I outran a T. Rex.”
“Twice!” Owen added, the insanity of that statement hitting him. “You were phenomenal, I’ve never seen shit like that. I thought I was dead. I hoped you got to the ferry and that I’d bought you enough time and instead you came back, whippin’ that flare at the Indominus like a crisp Washington at a stripper. Jesus.”
She snorted with laughter, knocking the side of her head into his chest. “We’re just lucky there was still someone in Central Control.”
“And that you were smart enough to think of setting up a real-life Godzilla fight. Maybe a little further away from me next time though, okay?” Owen joked.
“I’ll do my best.”
He found himself gripping her a little tighter than he needed to as he made a beeline for the shattered remains of Margaritaville, carefully stepping through the destroyed front of the bar. “What’s your opinion on strawberries?”
The MVU drove like a boat and Owen was a nervous wreck about his motorcycle tumbling out of the back, doing his damnedest to avoid every bump on the road. The Scrambler was kind of his prized possession. A grin snuck across his face at the memory of riding through the forest with his girls. Hunting together like a real, honest-to-goodness raptor pack.
The grin faded as he remembered Charlie getting blown to pieces minutes later. At least I still have Blue. He wasn’t sure if raptors were intelligent to the point of understanding death, or whether Blue would keep looking for them forever. His heart sank a little at the idea of poor Blue calling for her pack.
We’re all that’s left. Dogs of war, like Hoskins said. He glanced over at the woman in the passenger seat. Her back was ramrod-straight, arms firmly wrapped around the bottles of tequila and miscellaneous provisions he’d rustled up. Well, dogs of war and one…volunteer of war. She stared straight ahead, jumping a little when he quietly said her name. “You alright? Almost home.”
“I’m okay. Just…kind of rattled.” She tried to smile at him.
“Almost there.” He tightened his grip on the steering wheel, noticing the sky pinking up overhead. “We’ll catch some Zs and then…shit, we gotta’ feed the whole damn island. I don’t know whether inGen is gonna’ send more troopers so I guess we’ve got a pretty big mission on our hands.”
“It’s the carnivores that will be the problem. Ninety-five percent of the herbivores are foragers anyway.” She dug her wallet out of her back pocket, searching for something in it. “Sharks for the Mosasaur, along with a giant bottle of Pepto because I bet that I. Rex gave it indigestion…goat for Rexy. Two goats for Rexy. Six goats for Rexy. Ferns for my girls and for the Anks and Gallies. Shit, what will we do about the Pterodactyls? Yes, I still have my access card. Okay. As long as the security protocols haven’t been messed with we should be fine.”
“And if they have?” Owen asked.
“I guess we’ll pray that there’s one nerd left in Central Control.”
He nodded, sighing in relief as the bungalow appeared in his headlights. “Jesus, home sweet home never looked so damn good. Food before bed?” She shook her head, her exhaustion putting itself on full display when she nearly tumbled out the door of the MVU. “Whoa, easy there!” Owen grabbed her arm to catch her, not letting go until she got both feet on the ground. “You got precious cargo, right? Have to be careful.” The excuse was flimsy and he knew it even as he nodded towards the tequila.
She nodded back, her eyes already half-closed. She was fading fast. Owen hurried through the motions of unlocking his door and he ushered her inside, probably nearly breaking the bottles of alcohol when he took them from her slack grip and essentially tossed them off to the side. She made a noise of protest and he hushed her again, leading her to the futon.
“I’ll grab you a sheet, get the fan going. Just take your boots off.” She obediently sat to undo her laces and he headed to the bathroom to find his barely-used second set of sheets.
This isn’t normally what happens when I bring a chick back to my place, Owen thought with a touch of amusement as he unfolded the sheet and snapped it over the edges of the futon. She was on the soft surface almost before he was done and Owen couldn’t keep from chuckling, pulling the flat sheet up over her shoulders. On an impulse he stroked her hair and he just barely heard her murmur, “good night, Mr. Grady.”
Guess I can make an exception.
He wasn’t sure what time he had gone to sleep, but when he was shaken awake the clock displayed nine sixteen. He groaned loudly, swatting at the hand on his shoulder. “Not yet, c’mon.” He snuggled back down into his pillow with a sigh, closing his eyes again. Wait, since when do I live with anyone?! His eyes shot open and he sat bolt upright, flinging the pillow off to the side. It was that woman, the volunteer, looking disheveled. Owen’s eyes narrowed for a minute as he stared silently at her. The events of the previous day came flooding back in suddenly and he dropped his face into his hands, groaning again. “Fuck, fuck fuck.”
“You have a…guest.” She said, raising an eyebrow.
“S’it Barry?” She shook her head. Owen peeled the sheet back and got to his feet, yawning and then pulling on his boots as an afterthought. Extra clothes could wait until he had shooed whatever bigwig on his doorstep off into the jungle where they belonged.
He opened the door, fully prepared to lean against the frame in the most insolent fashion he could muster up. So he almost fell off his porch when he realized who it was.
“Blue!” The Velociraptor stood at the bottom of the steps, cocking her head to the side and chirruping at him. “You…good girl, good girl!” Owen felt like he was going to burst with happiness. She came back. Something touched his hand and he quickly closed his fingers around it, wary of breaking eye contact with his beta.
The volunteer had gotten one of the rats from his fridge. “I assumed they were for her and not for breakfast,” The woman said in a wry whisper, “but if you'd like I could try to whip her up an omelet instead.”
“I think this will do just fine.” Then, “Blue! Eyes on me!” Owen said firmly, absolutely flush with pride when the raptor immediately straightened up, her attention on the rat in his hand. “You're the only one left now, girl. I guess that means I'm gonna' have to spoil you.” He tossed the rat to the deadly predator at the edge of his porch, smiling through his tears as he watched her quickly devour it. “Alright Blue, breakfast is over. Go!” He ordered, gesturing off towards the thick foliage. She hesitated for a moment, looking up at him and seeming confused. “Go on, Blue. It's alright.” He said, a little less firm. “I'll...I'll see you later, okay girl?” Owen was pretty sure she didn't understand the sentiment, but he could hope.
The Velociraptor purred at him and then bolted into the undergrowth on the outskirts of the little plot his residence rested on. Owen rubbed at his eyes, doing his best to keep himself together. The volunteer put a hand on his shoulder and he felt his self-control slide a fraction. “You're a good alpha. She'll be back.”
“I can't...God, I hope so.” Owen mumbled, “She's all I've got now.”
“She will.” She squeezed his shoulder and then stepped back. “Alright, we have a hell of a day ahead of us. Should we get started, Mr. Grady?”
“Call me Owen.” He didn't know why it mattered all of a sudden. She'd been calling him Mr. Grady since they'd met. “Please.”
“Okay...Owen.”
From Ankylosaurs to Suchomimus, Baronyx to Triceratops and everything in between, they worked their way through the paddocks and enclosures. Not for the first time Owen was immensely grateful for the automated systems that were in place, and the scientific advances that made cloning so stupid simple they wouldn't run out of meat and vegetation for months (resources permitting, naturally).
She kept him talking as they finally rattled along through the Apatosaurus field, which was a comfort in and of itself. He could tell she needed it too, her words fading a little once they came across the first huge carcass covered in noisily-squawking vultures and crows. He reached over the gear shift in the Jeep to rest his hand on her thigh for a second, pulling her attention back to him. “It's alright.” He said quietly.
She smiled at him, tears threatening to fall regardless. “We waste so much, you know? As humans. I wish...I'd love to have them back.” She murmured, gesturing over her shoulder.
“I'd give anythin' to have the memory of Charlie getting blown to bits turn out to be nothing but a bad dream,” Owen confessed, “but the truth is that neither of us are getting our girls back. All we can do is work to keep the survivors in good health and just...try to take care of each other, I guess.”
“I'm glad you're here, Mr.--Owen, sorry. I don't know what would have happened to me if you hadn't showed up.” She twiddled her fingers. “I’m glad that--oh, here we are!” She said hurriedly, patting his hand on the gearshift. “Right here, see?”
The far-off buzz of a small motor caught Owen’s attention while she was up in the tree and he quickly checked his rifle over. God only knew who might be coming. He knew if it was inGen they would be shit out of luck.
Owen breathed a sigh of relief when he realized it was Barry. The larger man’s four-wheeler skidded to a halt and he quickly dismounted. “Owen fucking Grady, you are a sight for sore eyes!” Barry exclaimed, hauling the other man in for a lung-collapsing hug.
“Hey man. Glad you’re okay.” Owen wheezed.
“I thought you were dead, Owen!” Barry held him at arm’s length, looking him over critically. “You look half-dead, or around that percentage. Merde.”
“Always know how to make a guy feel better, Barry.” Owen said wryly.
Barry laughed at that, rumpling Owen’s hair. “Not much sleep for either of us, yes? What are you doing out here, anyway?”
“I’ve got uh…guard duty.” Owen flicked a finger upwards at the tree. “We’ve been workin’ ourselves to the bone gettin’ the island fed, man. My whole body hurts. Pretty sure she’s in the same boat, but these herbivores are like her raptors.” Owen shrugged and Barry shielded his eyes, squinting up at the tree.
“Sorry Owen, she’s obviously too smart and adventurous for you. Hello again!” He called, waving at the woman. She waved back, yelling something in reply.
Owen chuckled at his friend’s antics, shoving his shoulder roughly. “Easy. We’ve had a hell of a night. That Mosasaur popped up in the absolute nick of time and--shit, that woman up there outran Rexy. Twice.” He said proudly.
“Careful Owen, I think you have a crush!” Barry teased.
“You’re damn fucking right I do!” Owen grinned. “I tell you what, the next time a good-looking gal outruns an apex predator for you, I’ll ask when the wedding is.”
Barry held up his hands in surrender, still smiling. “Fair enough.”
She dropped to the grass between the two of them, but before Owen could so much as get a word out she had bolted, heading for the rapidly-approaching form of an Apatosaurus. “Shirley!”
Barry snorted. “She even named them old lady names.”
“Hey, we can’t all be elite dolphin-raptor trainers. I’m tired to death of calling animals Sierra Hotel India Tango or whatever the fuck.”
“Our girls are gone, aren’t they?” Barry asked softly as they watched the woman practically cavort around the tree trunk legs of the huge herbivore. “I saw Echo, and I assume Delta. What was left of her, anyway.”
“Blue is…Blue’s what we have now.” Owen swallowed, the words thick in his throat. “After Charlie got…I mean, Delta and Echo fought hard but that giant fucker just…”
Barry jammed his hands into his pockets. “Fucking Hoskins.” He said finally.
“Delta got him.” Owen remembered the weird sensation of simultaneously being proud as hell and terrified when Delta latched down on Hoskins’ hand. He’d done that move a thousand times and to see it backfire on someone else…well, if he wasn’t respectful of the danger that came with the job before, he sure as heck was after that. “It was a sight.”
“My girl.” Barry shook his head. “She hated him from the start. It is fitting, I suppose.” He turned to look at Owen. “This is such a mess.”
“You said it.” Owen agreed. “All that research. All that effort, time and energy. So Vic could flush it at the first chance he got. We worked with those animals for two years.”
“I hear you, Owen. It is…it is difficult to understand men like Vic Hoskins. Especially when I don’t really want to.” Barry said bluntly. “Look at her with her big friend. No one normal who looks at that would think of making her twist that animal to do her bidding. They are better this way.”
Owen decided that changing the subject was in his best interest. Barry could use some good news. “Blue showed up for breakfast this morning.”
“Good! She is free-roaming then?”
“I don’t know if she knows that the others are gone yet, I think she may be looking for them. But yeah,” Owen nodded, “she’s all grown up now, I guess.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” Barry murmured. “Let her be free before inGen comes swooping back in and starts ruining everything all over again.” He shook himself bodily after a few moments of brooding. “I have to get back to work. Some of the containment fences were damaged so I have been working with the young man in Central Control to get them back online. I will see you later, Owen.” He extended a hand to Owen, who pulled him into a hug instead.
“Take care of yourself, man.”
“So I know the dinosaurs don’t mind, and maybe you don’t mind. But I know for a fact that I probably smell like a landfill at this point.” She said out of the blue as the vehicle trundled along the access road. “If there is a shower situation at your uh…cabin, trailer thing, I would-”
“It’s a bungalow.” Owen corrected, grinning when she stuck her tongue out at him. “Get it right, shit.”
“Oh my apologies, your highness.” She snickered. “I didn’t think you had a shower. You don’t look like the showering type.”
“You got me. I’d rather haul Ma’s old wash tub out into my front yard and share bathwater with the raptors.” Owen teased. “It’s a freein’ experience.”
“…Can I borrow a towel and a toothbrush, or do you share those with your pack too?”
“’Course I share ‘em with my pack. That’s why you’re welcome to ‘em.” Owen listened to her sputter, his grin widening. “Heck, you ask nice and I might even rustle up some clothes for you. Hope you like neutrals though. Bright colors would distract my girls. I’ve got one of those little washers if you wanna’ wash your stuff.”
“What a gentleman.” She pretended to swoon and Owen reached over to tousle her hair.
“I’m sure that’s exactly what every ex I’ve ever had will tell you. Definitely not ‘he loves those dolphins more than me!’ or ‘I wish he’d jump off a cliff!’” Owen mimicked in a falsetto voice. “Obviously I’m irresistible. That’s why the only ladies that will associate with me are intelligent predators…and the animals, too.”
“Oo, low blow. Well I guess coming across me was a stroke of luck on your part, seeing as how I’m neither of those things.”
Owen almost choked while she smiled in a rather self-satisfied manner. “You sure about that? Because that was an ambush if I ever saw one.”
“Seriously though, you trained dolphins? How cool was that? Did you learn all the clicks and whistles and shit?!” She asked excitedly. “Are they as smooth as they look, or are they like sharks?”
“Why does everyone always ask about the--yes, okay? I learned a few basic…clicks.” He huffed, a little embarrassed. “And they’re smooth.”
“Is that why they had you train the raptors? Are pods like the pack mentality?”
“I think they took one look at my file and went ‘yeah, he’s nuts, sign him up!’” Owen joked. “Oh, maybe they thought I was qualified? I definitely needed help though, that’s why I had them give Barry a call. Otherwise you can bet them khaki shorts that I’d have been raptor chow ages ago.”
“You’ve had such a cool run of it. God.” She settled back in her seat. “I wish I could have done something like that. Instead, I make king-size salads.”
“Hey, we all serve a purpose. Without you pulling Rexy, Blue would have died.” Owen cleared his throat. “Me too, of course.”
“Yeah but if you hadn’t stopped yesterday in the first place I would probably be eviscerated in the jungle somewhere.” She pointed out glumly. “We may all serve a purpose but I guess yours is just a bit more lofty than mine.”
“It ain’t your fault you’re not Navy bred. You might wanna’ consider heading through a basic training program, you’re good at thinkin’ on your feet.” Owen regretted it as soon as he said it. The last thing he wanted was one more person chewed up and spat out by a military system that would grind that compassion right out of her. “I mean, tactically speaking. It uh. Looks good on a resume.”
“'Tactically speaking’? What a nerd.” She snorted, making him chuckle. “Nah, I know I’d definitely get eaten alive in a military environment. Thanks for the suggestion, though. And the compliment.”
“Hey, I told you. I’m irresistible.” Owen winked, thoroughly enjoying the way she rolled her eyes at him.
“They sound more like-” Owen clicked his tongue and then his teeth, mustering up a few sloppy chirps. She burst into giggles, almost falling off the edge of the futon. He laughed along with her, pleasantly tipsy himself. The tequila was great stuff, Cretaceous Era agave made a hell of a drink. He knew that for most people, the allure of tequila was the complicated bullshit involved in drinking it, combined (of course) with the possible chance of licking someone else’s body. But for him, the enjoyment came from nursing a heavy-handed margarita and swapping tales with the rich old bastards that frequented Margaritaville.
This is nice too, though he decided, watching the way she smiled brightly. She was still hiccupping giggles, fishing a frozen strawberry out of her cup with her fingers.
Owen took a minute to study her. Mostly how she looked in his clothes. “You’re incredible. You understand that, right?” He asked quietly, making her look up at him. “You…hell, no one, and I mean no one, would have blamed you for running your ass down to the docks and gettin’ the hell off this island. But you didn’t. Blue and I are still breathin’ because of you.” He paused to take a sip of his drink. “I dunno’ if I’m getting all sappy because I miss my girls or whatever the hell but…but seriously. You’re incredible.”
She was shaking her head before he was done talking. “No, m’ really not Owen. You don’t have to lie to me to make me feel better. I think it was just like…a series of progressively dumber choices that somehow panned out. A hell of a lot of luck.”
“Well shit. I guess you’re my lucky charm then because damn, the fucking T. Rex is still blowing my mind.” Owen grinned, bumping her shoulder with his own.
She didn’t return his smile, though. If anything, she looked strangely serious. She swirled the liquid in her cup for a second, like she was thinking about something. Owen took the moment to finish off his own glass. “So…on Main Street, when that Dimorphodon was trying to eat your face and I whacked it, tranq'ed it and pulled you back up, I thought you were…that is, I hoped that…” She fell silent and Owen was startled to realize that she was blushing.
He wracked his brain for what had happened. There had been so many close calls just during that assault alone, it was a little jumbled.
“Thanks for the save, sweetheart.” He’d said breathlessly, her body pressed flush against his own. He could feel the way she was shaking, her heart pounding in her chest. She had swallowed, looking up at him wide-eyed, lips slightly parted and-
Oh. Owen felt a wave of heat rush over his body. “You…you were waiting for me to…” He ran a hand through his hair.
“I mean, not exactly? It was just that kind of moment. In the movies you see it all the time.” She explained. “Someone saves someone else and in the heat of the moment it’s totally ludicrous but they somehow manage to avoid getting killed long enough to kiss.”
“I mean I’m not gonna’ say I didn’t think about it.” Owen said honestly. “You saved my face with your quick rifle-butting. I definitely thought about it.”
“Really?”
“'Course! You’re damn pretty and you had literally just kept my skull in one piece. I…if I’d…look, we’ll re-enact it, okay? Here, stand up.” He urged her upright and then rolled off the futon onto the floor, pretending to grapple with a winged fiend snapping wildly at his face. “And then you come in with the butt of the gun like ‘bang!’” Owen laughed as she ‘aimed down the sights’ of her finger gun and stuck her tongue out. “Lights out, little bastard. And then!” He held out his hand and she only stumbled a little bit when hauling him upright.
Owen pulled her up against him just like last time, acting like he was taking a gun from her hands and surprising a laugh out of her. He couldn’t help pushing a stray lock of still slightly-damp hair back behind her ear, watching how she nervously licked her lips.
“You saved my life.” Owen found himself suddenly serious, pressing his forehead to her own. “You saved my damn life, sweetheart. Anythin’ you want, it’s yours.” The sincerity in his voice came naturally.
“Kiss me?” She asked softly, lowering her eyes when Owen cupped her face. “Please?”
“You got it, sweetheart.” He murmured, pressing his mouth to hers. She held onto his shirt as he licked into her mouth, tasting her for the first time. “Damn.” He breathed softly when he finally pulled away. “It is a very good thing that I didn’t do that the first time.”
“Why?” She asked, looking a little dazed.
“Because now I can do this.” Owen kissed her again, harder this time. He felt her hold on his shirt tighten and she whimpered, almost a mewl. Oh they would have been absolutely screwed because that noise alone had his body lighting right the hell up. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you might like when I kiss you.”
She nodded, ducking her face into his chest. “I do.”
“You want more?” He asked softly, tipping her face back up. “I’m not inclined to deny a pretty girl a request.”
“I’m not-”
“Trust me sweetheart, you are.” He interrupted, knowing where she was headed. “You don’t get it, I guess.”
“Get what?”
He shrugged, smiling ruefully. “I’m better with animals than people. Always have been. But there’s no deceptive crap with animals and I piss a lot of humans off by being too blunt. When I say something’s true though, you can bet your ass I believe it’s gospel. So don’t…don’t put yourself down. You’re beautiful, okay?”
“I mean…I have good days just like everyone else.” She seemed flustered and it was weirdly gratifying to see.
“Yeah, every day that ends with ‘y’.” Owen teased, smoothing out the hem of the shirt he had loaned her. His lighthearted mood faded relatively quickly, the quiet sadness bubbling back to the surface. “Listen,” He continued a little quieter, “I’m kind of a broken guy right now. Lost most of my family last night. But you keepin’ me busy today got my mind off it. Tequila’s easing the edge on the hurting bullshit at the moment. I should probably put on some James Taylor and get into bed before I make a fool of myself, I just…I wouldn’t mind a little company tonight, is all.” He mumbled, surprised when her hand cupped the back of his neck and tugged him down.
She tucked his face into the crook of her neck and shoulder, stroking his hair in a soothing motion. Owen grimaced, fingers digging into her shoulder blades as he held her tightly. “You’re allowed to be sad.” She whispered.
“I’m not some gargantuan herbivore for you to console.” Owen muttered, a little off-balance.
“You can be angry, too. I know a lot of people find that easier. But you’re allowed to be sad.” She repeated firmly, pulling away and taking his hand. “C’mon, Owen. I guess I can keep you company.”
“Well you’re just a swell one, aren’t you?” He allowed himself to be led to his own bedroom. “Your sacrifice is duly noted.”
“Oh please, shush.” She scolded, “I’m doing this because I want to. Your sarcasm is unnecessary.” Her irritated face was almost too cute. Owen was powerless to resist kissing her nose, chuckling at the expression she made.
“I wasn’t being real serious, you don’t have to-”
“Ah ah, no take-backsies Grady. You’re stuck with me.” She laid down, sprawling across the bed almost diagonal with a very satisfied smirk on her face as she looked up at him. “And now I’ve taken your whole mattress. My master plan this entire time, finally come to fruition.”
“God, you’re weird.” Owen straddled her, mouthing down her neck slowly. “You’re lucky I like my women dangerous.” He murmured against her skin.
“I dunno’ if I would consider myself dangerous.”
“Oh you’re dangerous as hell, sweetheart. Those eyes? These curves?” Owen dropped a hand to her thigh, loving the way she moved up at his touch. “You’re nine hundred miles worth of dangerous and I want to learn every damn inch if you’ll let me.”
“Yeah?” She propped herself up, meeting his mouth in another languid kiss. “I think I’d like that, Owen.” She breathed, nipping at his lower lip.
Owen groaned when she arched her back, pressing her body against his. “I love you wearin’ my shirt, but I think you’d probably look better without it.”
“You take yours off first. Please?” She requested. Owen quickly obliged, leaning back to undo those fiddly buttons. She held her arms up once he was done and he tugged the long-sleeved shirt up and over her head. Owen took a second there to observe her, committing to memory the way the dim light of his lone bedside lamp had turned her into a gentle fantasy, here for him and him alone.
He made a soft noise in his throat that she answered with one of her own, urging him to touch her, taste her, to know that she was real and here. Owen fairly devoured her at her request, love bites blooming on her breasts and neck as he took his time to learn what she liked.
It was only once she was a heated mess, her hair sticking to her forehead and her whole body flushed with arousal that Owen moved lower. He was a firm believer that the wait was what tended to make the act, so to speak, and he continued his methodical exploration with his hands. She cried out when he slowly slid two fingers inside her, her hand coming up to grip his short hair tightly. He lost his breath a little at just how wet she was, feeling almost stupidly proud of himself. “More?” He asked, muffling his satisfied growl by kissing her thigh when she touched her fingers to his own and nodded furiously. “How much?”
“All of it.” She sounded a bit desperate, a bit exasperated. An excellent combination, in Owen’s not-so-humble opinion. “Please, Owen, I need you.”
That caught him funny in the chest and he propped himself up, kissing her hard. “Goddamn sweetheart, you make me feel worthwhile.” He said thickly, rubbing his thumb over her clit in tough little circles. She moved her hips up to meet his motions, eager sounds and his name falling from her lips in a ridiculously attractive fashion. “Absolutely worthwhile. I told you that you were dangerous.”
She huffed out a breath and he relented, his next kiss lazier while he unbuttoned his pants and struggled out of them. Granted, it would have absolutely been simpler if he'd stopped kissing and touching her to take them off, but there was the whole 'stop kissing and touching her' part of that plan that didn't appeal to him in the slightest.
Owen propped himself up on his elbows again, this time searching her eyes. It was an ingrained habit at this point to scan the body language of whoever he decided was worth this kind of effort, he couldn't exactly help it. But what he saw there thrilled him to his core. Pupils dilated, shoulders relaxed, hands coming up to frame his sides. Her thighs trembling a little and she's smiling, fuck she's smiling at me, she's enjoying this, she likes this he realized, not sure why that surprised him so much. He wasn't necessarily one to brag, but he'd had his name screamed once or twice.
This was just...it was easy and gentle, not frantic at all like it usually ended up being when he reached this point. “Are you okay? We can stop, if you need to.” She offered softly, seeming to misunderstand his hesitation.
“Oh I am great. Never better.” He smiled, bumping their foreheads together. “You ready?”
“Please.” Her voice was a whisper, a crooning plea that drew itself into a moan as he carefully, carefully entered her. “God.”
Owen gritted his teeth at the sound of her voice, the blatant heat there that sent an electric jolt down his spine. “Fuck's sake sweetheart you...fuck.” He forced himself to be slow, to take his time and let her adjust. He waited again until she was begging, until she was squirming.
Kisses, hungry, needy kisses kept pressing to his jaw and throat, stuttering his breathing every time because it was never this way. It had been ages since anyone so much as bothered to try to match the attention and affection he invested when it came to sex, so long that he'd almost forgotten what it felt like to enjoy what he was doing instead of worrying about putting on a great performance. She kept saying his name and all these good things about him, about how much she liked it, her fingers digging into his back as his thrusts picked up.
“You can still talk. Means m' not doin' my job right.” Owen panted, coaxing her knees up over his shoulders and planting a few kisses on the skin of her thigh while he fucked down into her deeper. “Touch yourself for me, sweetheart, please, p-please. I don't know if I'm gonna' last, fuck you feel so fuckin' good!” He knew he should probably be embarrassed at his volume but he could hardly muster up the brain power at the moment. She arched up as best as she could, taking his breath away with the sight of her spread out underneath him, her fingers grazing his cock when she started rubbing back and forth over her clit. “Shit, yes.” The snarl came from deep in his chest and he felt her whole body quiver. “That is fucking gorgeous, you're so fucking perfect.”
“God, Owen I just-!” Her voice cracked. “I need you, I need you, please!”
“You want me, sweetheart? You need all of this? I'm yours already. And you are mine.” Owen growled, not exactly sure where the certainty came from. He clung to it all the same in the moment. “We're gonna' keep each other safe and we're going to make you come, Jesus Christ, I need you to come!” Whether he was begging or demanding or a little bit of both, it hardly mattered because she obeyed, everything pausing for a split-second before she was in spasm around his cock, her slick drenching him as she cried out his name.
He had never heard anything so perfect in his whole life and he moaned her name in reply, looking down to where their bodies joined. She was gasping for breath and still kissing his throat, whimpering with every aftershock that rolled through her even as she continued to take his cock.
“Where do you want it?” Owen said through gritted teeth, tearing his eyes away to focus on her face again. She looked like absolute sin, her hair a mess and her own eyes half-closed in pleasure. He felt a rush of pride. She tapped her stomach, teasing her fingers down over his shaft again. With a low groan he withdrew from her, startled into momentary silence when she quickly wrapped those fingers around his aching cock. Very momentary. “Oh, fuck, Jesus, sweetheart-” He gasped, hips shuddering as he fucked her fist rapidly. “Fucking--dammit, dammit you-!” She teased her thumb over the sensitive head of his cock and that was it, his whole body trembling when he came hard on her stomach.
Owen almost collapsed, the abrupt tightness in his shoulders and arms letting him know that maybe he had overdone it. He groaned loudly, sliding his cock back and forth a few more times just to savor the feeling of her fingers on him, coated in his release.
“Wow.” She said softly, staring up at him and Owen had to kiss her for that, he had to, it was required.
“So I think it's bedtime now, yeah?” He murmured awkwardly once they parted, not sure why she was still staring. “What?” He asked finally, sitting up and rubbing the back of his neck.
“I just...I mean, wow.” She repeated, her smile much more sleepy now.
Owen returned the smile uncertainly and got to his feet, stretching. “I'm gonna'...um, get a washcloth. Don't go anywhere.”
The clean up was usually his least-favorite part, but Owen found himself not minding it so much this time. She gave him these wonderful little sounds as he wiped her down, almost like purring. Once he was done, she made herself at home in his arms without a minute of hesitation. Owen could definitely get used to this.
“We gotta' stick together, you and I. For survival and stuff.” He murmured into her hair.
And when he woke up at some point after midnight with a new night terror still fresh in his mind, tears trickling down his face because I lost them, I lost them, she soothed him back to sleep with quiet words and assurances. You're safe, you're allowed to be sad, you're safe, it's alright, you're safe Owen...
Loud knocking on his front door roused him from his slumber the next morning and Owen muttered something decidedly unkind, a little startled when he opened his eyes and realized that she was still there, still asleep in his bed. He felt like a doofus, smiling at a sleeping person, but he decided he was alright with that title. He kissed her forehead and slowly untangled himself, yawning and scratching his ribs.
Time to face the next problem. He wasn't all that upset, honestly. He knew he would probably go stir-crazy without some kind of conflict. Hopefully she was up for the challenge as well.
For survival.
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aicosu · 7 years
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Sheila, I saw the post for Combat Mercy that you guys posted on your insta, and I'm always impressed with how much you're able to accomplish super short build times! Do you have any tips for how you're able to work so quickly? (I ask while in the middle of cosplay procrastination...)
Sheila’s Tips for Finishing stuff FAST™
-Think in terms of waiting vs not waiting. A lot of the cosplay process is waiting. Usually waiting for something to dry, waiting for the iron to hit up. Etc. Set up your wait times to align with other tasks. EXMP. I usually make all my foam armor first, so that way once I set it aside to seal and paint, I can pattern and draft while its drying, in between reapplying coats. Or I throw the glue gun on to get hot and while I wait, I cut and style a wig. 
If you start doing this, you’ll get used to thinking ahead in terms of “what will I need to do later, and what can I do now to set up for it.” 
-When something gets frustrating, move on. Yesterday I tried making my leggings and nearly started screaming with how annoying the machine was being. So I dropped it, and started doing the dress details instead. Its funner, easier, and it doesnt make me want to QUIT. There are tons of tasks we hate doing enough that it makes us work slower, or stop working altogether. Instead, drop the hard thing, do some easy things, come back to it later when youve had time to mull over how youll tackle it. Ie. I tried sewing my leggings, but it was hard, so i worked on the dress and during that I decided to buy leggings and paint them instead. :) 
-Try to buy everything you know youll need now. Nothing takes more time then a “quick” trip to walmart for paint brushes. Cause then your hungry, then you also need groceries, then you shoud also— no. Make your whole list before your build. AND if you want to wait on supply stocking cause your trying to budget, then create a 2nd shopping trip to closer when 50% of the costume is done. I.E. One shopping trip for all the armor and fabric, 2nd trip for all the attachments of the armor. And if you find you do need that one thing, think about everything that still needs to be done. Can you do any of it without that one thing? Then work on that instead of going out. GO OUT LAST. 
-Don’t watch anything new. I love playing movies in the background, because the progression and narrative of that movie makes time seem to go faster AND I can measure my time. One more is about 2 hrs. One episode is a half hour, etc. But they key is to, DONT WATCH NEW STUFF. Cause then youll find yourself stopping and watching. You gotta rewatch stuff youve seen a million times. Or just throw on music. 
-Put your phone in a different roomJust avoid the distraction. 
-BREAKS ARE OKAY.They are! Especially when you need a motivator. Lunchtime or dinner is a great one. Cause you can sit, eat, watch something or play a game. Usually I try to make it correlate to the costume. I play overwatch on a break if Im working on mercy. I watch Convenion Cosplay videos on youtube if its something like Miku. Anything to keep my excitement of wanting to finish my build. AND SET A TIMER to go off after an hour or so. Dont let yourself get sucked in. Unplug the thing and put it in the closet if you need to. 
-It doesnt have to be hard to be good. Yeah, worbla is great. And cutting plexiglass is impressive. But if you have 4 days till the con, remember what your working with and remind yourself that using foam can be just as good. Don’t set yourself up for failure by starting to fiberglass a pepakura armor build 3 days before the con. Its just not gonna happen and youll be dissapointed when it does. And accept that its okay to have some things shortcut for the finish. Maybe you dont get the gloves done. Oh well! Thats okay! At least its finished aside from that, and then you have months to get and make them the way you want after for the next con cause everything else is already done. 
Hope this helps!! 
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svetlanabelikova · 5 years
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Journaling (III)
content warning:
bodily functions
food talk
i shit in a bucket.
i know that was almost a week ago at this point but it has been a rough week. im going to go through it as best i can from memory. i think my last post was about a week ago and i was dreading the ‘shit in a bucket’ moment of my life which-- did not disappoint. it was just as bad as i thought it would be. 
monday: i set my alarm for about 6am with the intention of getting up and wondering around the house until my body was like ‘aye mate, the time is upon us.’ but instead i just ran around the house trying to get myself and the kids ready for school-- which turned out to be a good thing as it turns out, when it comes to shitting in a bucket, there are some rules you gotta follow. the principle one being that you have about an hour from toilet seat to dropping it into the hands of some lab assistant. we usually leave the house at about 7:20am or so, get the older two kids to their school before 7:40am, then take the youngest to her school by 8am, so i would then need to book it across town to the medical center, jaunt up to the lab and drop off the specimen. it was going to be a fairly tight schedule but you really can’t-- well, i can’t, produce on queue and with the chaos of the kids and everything... it just didn’t happen. but it turned out to be a good thing as my stupid-ass brother took out the truck the night before, literally ran it dry and left it outside on empty. so my mom had no choice but to use her tiny car which didn’t have space for me and three kids in car seats. so they left, i was able to be alone in my thoughts and then the moment came. i-- i am sure that i looked like a totally insane person. i had a lot of anxiety, i was just pacing around the room hyping myself up. it was a lot of ‘look, this is something that, while you’ve never done anything like it before, it will be a fun story to tell. you never pissed in a cup before either-- but you just did that on friday. you’ve never told everyone on the internet your weight and yet you did that too! this is nothing. you just gotta walk into the bathroom and just do it! this is something that you really want! if you want to be successful in this program you gotta deal with all the weird shit they throw at you! come on, get in there champ!’ it was not a pretty picture and i did not believe my own lies.  eventually the dark deed was done. i got to use my super advanced, medically sterile cup and popsicle stick. sealed it in a sterile bag, put that bag inside another bag with my name, the time and date on it, then waited for my mom to get back so she could drive me over to the lab. at the lab, i stood around for almost 20 minutes just waiting for someone to come out and tell me what i was supposed to do. eventually, someone came out, got my sample, then i went with my mom grocery shopping. that ended up running a little late, so we got the littlest from pre-k, then decided to go get lump from kindergarten a little early. while my mom went in to sign him out, i got a call from the lab. apparently, someone used one of my samples for the wrong test. i kept trying to get more information but the woman just did not want to tell me over the phone. just kept saying the specimen needed to be recollected and the sooner, the better. my phone is at like 28% at this point and i still haven’t eaten anything yet. we take the kids home, i change clothes, get the kids calmed down then drive back over there absolutely furious that they somehow used an ENTIRE SAMPLE for the wrong test and scare shitless (pun intended) that i’m going to have to shit in another bucket.  i get over there, wait in the waiting room for like 40 minutes before the nurse will finally see me and then tells me they just need another vial of blood. i give them the vial and go home. at this point, i start to notice my ears are stuffy. the day before (sunday) i had noticed my throat was sore. but it was the first big wind storm of the season, there was a high pollen alert from my area so i was just trying to tell myself it was allergies-- add to that my hyperfocus on the whole ‘shitting in a bucket’ thing and i just didn’t want to realize that it was a headcold coming on-- and wouldn’t ya know it-- it was a headcold. and my white blood cell count in all my tests for this week are all high. so i’m probably going to have to take them again when i’m feeling better. so tuesday through today (friday) i have spent in an anti-histamine daze. take a pill, feel better for an hour, sleep for 3 hours, take another pill, repeat. today however, i got 2 different phone calls to set up appointments next week: an upper GI scan (which by the way and tone the lady who i talked to on the phone said “Oh those are so fun.” means it will most certainly be not fun at all so....) and a follow-up with rupinder to go over all, and there is no joke here, 20 test results from the last week or so. as i mentioned before, everything is high but not scary high. the only things scary high are my b1 levels (i take vitamins to boost those and i guess there is just a lot built up in my system. oops), insulin (like i mentioned, my body over produces the stuff) and white blood cells (cause i was getting sick). everything thing else is high due to a shitty diet and being so overweight and once i get that under control, i expect to see all those levels drop. all week i have been eating about half a cup of oatmeal and whole wheat toast for breakfast than either homemade soup and salad for my other meals. which i don’t mind at all! i was vegetarian for over 8 years. i love salads and veggie burgers, etc. it is just a combination of it being expensive and that shitty, cheap food is more available. like yes, i could have been adding only veggie burgers and salad stuff to my grocery list but when your not paying for your own food, you kind of take what you’re given. but now that i’m seeing the toll it is taking on my health and trying to wrangle in what’s going on in my body, i am going to be more conscious of what i’m eating overall. i’ve gotten used to avoiding dairy due to my lactose intolerance, and red meat/ high sugar foods due to my gallbladder issues, but not being cognizant of calorie count and sodium levels and total fat-- all the stuff i used to make fun of skinny white girls in yoga pants doing in the grocery isle. i have to be that girl-- minus the skinny part. and the yoga pants. but i do have to be the bitch in the cracker isle turning the box over and doing the math in my head, trying to add up to the magic number that will make me... better. healthier. i have a lot of deep-seated hatred and unbridled vitriol for the health and fitness lifestyle. it has been pushed upon me my entire life and i’ve always gone out of my way to try and avoid it as much as fucking possible and while i’m never going to be drinking whatever the hell kombucha is or doing px20 or whatever other health craze is going on, i am going to have to put some of that acidic anger on the backburner-- at least for now.                            
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ts-crossroads · 6 years
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Episode Nine - “I’m An Indecisive Mess” - John
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I really hope that this is the round that we get Julia out. There's one thing that I do not tolerate, and that's people who LIE ON ME. Julia was in on the Ned vote the entire time and wouldn't even own up to it after the vote until I confronted her on it. I went from trusting her the most to not trusting her at all. This round is crucial. From what I've gathered, the other side wants to take out Sam and I can't lose another ally. I need to keep numbers on my side so that I can gain back control in the game. Ryan wants Sam out because she got mad at him on call and apparently made a chat with him the first round of merge and then voted for him. Julia somehow knows that Sam and Autumn are voting for her (probably Ryan) so she wants them out too. It comes down to Dane and John. Dane told me straight up he didn't want to vote Sam out, so I think he's good. But John is being weird. He wants Julia out because I told him she called him shady a bunch of times but he's constantly worrying about what Ryan will think. STOP PLAYING RYAN'S GAME! I need John to side with us regardless if Ryan agrees or not to make this move.
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XS5jlv-lEcQ
I think im gonna go pray to the godess an calm down. I honestly feel like im being paranoid. I mean do I trust the 6 alliance anymore? No. Hell no. Do i trust some of them? Yes. Rebecka, haley, an ryan. Autumn has been asking who people are voting, so it makes me think sam may have the idol, or that sam dosen't and autumn just wants to ride majority. So im hoping this is the case. Still nervous but, ya know.
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At this point in the merge nothing really exciting is going on anymore it's kinda easy sailing since I'm in majority and then have my own alliance within that one. Jake sam and autumn are just sitting ducks at this point and then the rest pluck one by one 
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So last vote was almost a success. I wanted to get to the end without a single vote cast against me, but what can you do when we have bitter betties? Okay so i have 10 minutes so my plan overall right now is to blindside Julia with Rebecka, but Ryan doesn't know that and he's supposed to be my f2 but he was fake to me before tribal council so I'm not trusting him atm. I'm going to pretend that Rebecka isn't flipping and I'm acting defeated that my plan isn't going to work out, but it will. 
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Okay so I haven't made a confessional since reward was posted. I was stressed about immunity bc I tied with jake and then I lost the tie breaker, which sucks. But I think I can work something out. I found another half idol so NOW I HAVE A FULL IDOL! I am playing it tonight. I don't know who is voting with me or against me, but I don't think I have the numbers and I am NOT going home with an idol. Ned did it and I would rather waste it than take it to jury. Me Jake Autumn and MAYBE Dane and MAYBE Rebecka are voting Julia, but I'm not confident enough to trust them. Everyone else is voting me so. Also, I need to stop crying about Ned and Bryan. Time to start playing the game. I am ready.
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I'm an indecisive mess. 
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Okay tribal just happened. I'm sweating a lot. I wasted my idol basically. I did get votes, but only 4 of them. There were 4 for Julia and then I voted for Ryan. If I would have voted for Julia and not played my idol, I would still be here AND have an idol for the future. But since I switched my vote, it tied and then my idol made her go home. It's hard bc a part of me is pissed that I wasted it. But another part of me sees a light in the distance. Autumna and Jake are the only ones who know I voted Ryan. Not even Dane knows. Right now, Coffey and Ryan think it was Rebecka. This hopefully will cause them to trust her less. But Dane's crazy advantage may mess us up right here. There is no immunity. Dane can sit out of tribal tomorrow, be immune, and not cast a vote. Or he can come, vote and potentially be voted out. He told me that he is too busy and he is sitting out, which sucks. Now there will be 7 votes. And I know Haley, John and Ryan won't vote with me. My only hope is Rebecka. And either way, none of those 3 believe that she voted with them. Julia got 4 votes. The obvious solution would be me, jake, autumn, and dane. They would never assume I would throw away a vote to ryan, especially how low I am, numbers-wise. AND there was a voting confessional for Julia (I think Autumn wrote it) but it said "this is for imperium" and i have literally cried to ryan and john about how sad i was seeing ned then bryan go back to back. They most likely think that was me. I think this then created distrust among them and rebecka, so hopefully we can pull her to our side. I think the smartest vote this round will be Ryan. He has had it out for me for a while and he has the closest connections on the other side. Let's face it, he is holding the other side together. John and Haley are not close, but Ryan has been playing both of them against us. I'm stressed whew. I'm lowkey mad at Dane for skipping, but it makes sense for his game so I don't blame him. I just need to work on Rebecka right now. 
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtkSVB5MpwU
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Never thought I'd be able to say this in Crossroads but I'm in the majority and the dog days might be over!!! http://cdn.playbuzz.com/cdn/812ff861-5e39-403c-899c-9e6e33e7d36c/d5504a1c-f8e2-4028-96f6-6b038180e644.gif Highkey told Dane before tribal that I'd hang him out to dry if he flipped back to voting Sam and voted Imperium out for the 3rd time. And we all know I'm cracked enough to deliver soooo we stan tough love haha. He's still cancelled, BUT John and Ryan can enter jury before him/ they already have 3 strikes. I'm so done with John I can't even; he has no backbone and all his does is flop and lie. How are you gonna say we should work together every round and then ghost whenever it's time to vote or when I ask you what's happening? Fakest person in here and he's voted someone Imperium the past 4 rounds; I want him gone so bad but I gotta maximize Dane not being able to vote and put the target on Ryan
 Also y'all saw Owen use his admin powers to blow up my game on camera by reminding everyone that I'm on Imperium and that the tribe has voted out Imperium the past 3 rounds right? OK COOL JUST CHECKING http://i.imgur.com/uN6iEBs.gif So if the tribe speaks this week and I suddenly go to jury, do me a favor and riot cause Owen is rigging for the uglies thanks
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My sleeping meds are making me miss this whole game Bc I'm always SLEEP rip 
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Everyone is still trash and thus they are still cancelled. Ryan and Haley are pressing me about the vote and I'm like what is there to talk about?? Y'all been coming for my side of camp the past 4 rounds. Flattery will get you nowhere. In other news Rebecka and I are officially on the same side/ working together!! Our parents Duncan, Mitch, and Amanda are probably so proud. Also I think Dane is done flopping and is back to being trustworthy?? But never say never Also John is going home tonight because he can't stop lying, constantly flip flops, doesn't have a backbone, has voted someone Imperium out the past 4 rounds, etc. It's funny cause I like John as a person hahaha; he's just doing too much and he needs the Boardroom's permission to do anything. The Boardroom would be John, Ryan, and Dane because anytime me, Jake, or Sam try to talk game to them, they say "ok I'll talk to the guys" and disappear for 4 hours. Then they come back like "ooh uhhh I don't think Dane/Ryan/John is on board" or "yeah I still don't know what I'm gonna do" when the vote is due in an hour. Anyway, I'm tired of building each round around what The Boardroom may or may not do. NOW LET ME OUT OF THE WOODS DAMMIT IM OWEN https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a4/76/7e/a4767e9175f6fd603aa51d12b23c1ddf.gif
Hi VL!!! Sorry I didn't start talking to y'all until recently because I only recently learned that vl confessionals are a thing that I'm allowed to do lmao. Anyway you guys are in for a treat tonight- people swear they're going home even though they're not getting votes while others aren't even talking to me and I've already used majority to seal their fate. So a lot of games and drafts are getting wreckt tonight and you don't wanna miss it. Watch Crossroads tribal tonight at 10 pm EST!! 
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Tribal is happening soon. I'm very nervous. Me, Autumn and Jake originally had a plan to get Ryan out, but apparently he has an idol he wants to use tonight, so we had to switch our target. Hopefully he still plays it. We are voting John out, and Rebecka is telling us she is with us, so hopefully he goes 4-3. Dane isn't voting with us so we can't rely on him to save us this time. Haley came to me earlier and asked me for a name. It was really weird. I know she went to Autumn and Jake as well. I don't know if she truly is desperate in this game or she thinks she can actually get information out of us. We told her Ryan, and she says she will write down any name at this point to not go home. There are 2 scenarios that could happen from this. 1. Haley goes immediately to Ryan, he plays the idol on himself and it is wasted. or 2. She votes out Ryan because she is so desperate to not go home. Then we vote out John, and then Ryan is left and knows that Haley flipped on him. Having those two here and not trusting each other would be great. I feel like Ryan has such a handle on John and Haley and we really need to split him away from those two. It's scary to think about the future, because I don't know if I will be there. A part of me wants to start planning my FTC speech and my f3 (which would most likely be Jake and Autumn) but Haley told me a few hours ago that John and Ryan were voting for me this round too. They think it's safest because my idol is gone. Now I' m stuck with just 2 coins that I'm impatiently waiting to exchange them for something. I'm really annoyed at Ryan and John constantly going against me and my side. I understand why Ryan is, I flipped on him and voted him out when we technically did have an alliance together (even though my heart wasn't in it). I just don't understand why I can't get along with John in this game. I have done nothing wrong to him. All I have done is listen to him and be lied to ever since merge started. It sucks that he has been so against me, especially because I thought we were good friends outside of this game, but he wants nothing to do with me, and he wants me out of the game so badly. I'm definitely getting votes tonight. I just don't know how many. Me Autumn and Jake are voting for John. If Rebecka joins us, we have majority. I just worry about any idol plays. It's getting to the end and people won't have much longer to use them. I need to compete hard in this upcoming immunity if I'm still here. Also I don't think me voting Ryan was the worst move anymore. Haley today told me that she thinks Rebecka voted for him, and I knew Ryan and John already think that. Also, another thing, I'm nervous that I may have lost some trust with Autumn and Jake over having the idol. Because I told Jake in pms first and then hours later he was like maybe we should tell autumn and I'll pretend I don't know, and I was like that sounds great. So I told them. But Autumn was a little hesitant with me when I told her. I hope it was just shock and not betrayal she felt. I really need these two to make it in this game. I couldn't even imagine having to strategize with Haley or John. 
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Sooooooooo, I decided to make a move this round by pushing for Julia to go. I love Sam and Autumn but they want John out and are working with Rebecka to do it and I can't vote out John. I brought it up to John and Haley and then talked to Ryan and they seem down to do it. Rebecka seems to be extremely close to Dane, and Dane seems to have ties with just about everyone in this game...except me. I'm sorry but why should I vote out John who's always been honest with me and talks to me over Rebecka who hasn't bothered talking to me all game. I need to take some power away from Dane before he takes us all out.
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Wow what a twist! Definitely didn't see Julia going home last night definitely miss her psycho ass. People are all on edge and think they are next to go and people don't know who has idols anymore in this game or who has half. I just hope we can keep the numbers and john, Ryan and myself will go to finals.
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https://youtu.be/Unb-Fl7JsUQ
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