#sometimes money you dont even have

[quecksilvereyes]

oh my god do not click links in emails that tell you to verify your data or your bank account gets locked or click links in messages telling you your safety protocol is ending, like, tomorrow, you will get SCAMMED SO BAD AND YOU WILL LOSE A LOT OF FUCKING MONEY never ever let anyone pressure you into giving away login information especially to your online banking by creating a sense of urgency oh my GOD

some things to look out for

1. spelling mistakes. do you know how many rounds of marketing and sales experts these things go through? if theres a spelling mistake dont click it

2. not using your name. if an email adresses you with "dear customer" or, even worse, a generic "ladies and gentlemen", it is most likely not actually targeted to you

3. verifying or login links. even IF your bank was stupid enough to send these to customers, dont EVER click those. look at me. they can legally argue that youve given your data away and thus they dont have to pay you anything back DONT CLICK THAT FUCKING LINK

4. creating a sense of urgency. do this or we lock your account next week. do this or your ebanking stops working tomorrow. give us all your money in cash or your beloved granddaughter will get HANGED FOR MURDERING BABIES. no serious organisation would ever do something like that over email or sms. ever. hands off.

5. ALWAYS CHECK WHO SENT YOU THE EMAIL. the display name and the email adress can vary a LOT. anyone can check the display name. look at the email adress. does it look weird? call the fucking place it says its from. you will likely hear a very weary sigh.

6. if its in a phonecall, scammers love preventing you from hanging up or talking to other people to have a little bit of a think about whats happening. there should always be a possibility to go hey i wanna think about this ill call back the official number thanks.

7. do not, i repeat, do NOT a) call a phone number flashing on your screen promising to rid your computer of viruses after clicking a dodgy link and b) let them install shit on your computer like. uh. idk. teamviewer.

7.i. TEAM VIEWER LETS PEOPLE USE YOUR COMPUTER HOWEVER THEY WANT AS LONG AS THEYRE CONNECTED. IF YOU DONT KNOW FOR FUCKING SURE YOURE TALKING TO ACTUAL TECH SUPPORT DONT GIVE ANYONE ACCESS TO YOUR COMPUTER.

fun little addendum: did you know a link can just automatically download shit? like. a virus? an app you can't uninstall unless you reset your entire device? dont click links unless youre extremely sure you know where they lead. hover your mouse over it and check the url.

thanks.

#inspired by a customer who had 10 THOUSAND euros stolen bc they clicked a dodgy link and then entered their info #'oh i was so stressed in the moment' thats what theyre counting on PLEASE dont do this you will lose so much money #sometimes money you dont even have #do you know how much overdraft your bank account comes with? #sometimes the answer is 15k fucking euros

[oatbugs]

everyone will always be haunted by what they are and i believe it is far more beneficial to embrace the haunting (as long as it isn't derailing your life or others') than to strive to be a truly "balanced" person. the idea of someone who is truly equalised to the point of utter harmony is an essentially unachievable thing imo

#too nice/kind/giving and you neglect yourself. focus on yourself and you neglect others #you love things too much and it consumes you. not enough and you are numb. meditate too much and you neglect life #not enough and life neglects you. speak your mind and you are sometimes abrasive. dont and you will sometimes be a pushover #etc etc. overly academic or too unconcerned. is politics your life to the point where you ignore the small mundane things around you? #are you so unconcerned with politics that you end up unaware of critical factors that harm or help your environment #like obviously not everyone is imbalanced in everything ever but #there is at least something at least one thing (and likely many more) that haunts everyone yk #and like. i think w some of these things as long as the haunting doesnt harm you to the point of derailing your life etc its...ok to be #haunted. or else you risk no longer being who you are. change and growth are essential but sometimes when youre upset you still say things #you dont mean or when you feel in love with your friends you offer to pay for their coffee even if you dont have money. you can fluctuate #and.change and grow but sometimes its ok to be haunted by who u are. #like i think the idea of being truly in harmony as a final destination for ur being is essentially bs. why would the monks spend their lives #meditating? its an active effort yk. #youre at the dj booth. youre tuning the violin every time you play. youre constantly adjusting your glasses.

[kate-m-art]

Keep seeing Zelda movie news reactions and like feel like my only contribution right now is I'd much prefer live action to an illumination style animated movie...

#i feel like just the littlest bit its showing their target audience isnt *little* little kids which is somethingg #and idk guess like 4 years or so is still a relatively new loz fan for me but #feel like no matter what they do theres no way to please everyone #not even the games bave been able to do that #theres so many different tones they could aim for with it and w so many different mainline games who know which theyll pull the most from #just like #ofc id rather see animation #the art brain in me goes feral about the possibilities there #but idk... its always written off by vast majority of adults as kiddy stuff and like you dont have to tell me it shouldnt be #gosh do I know #but if theyre wanting to make money and be taken seriously #even find a new audience who arent prev loz fans #im not surprised really that this would be the direction theyre working towards #at the end of the day like we already have cartoon and cdi link and even they get love sometimes on this site #its just another link #and maybe one w wasted potential but that doesnt take away from all the amazing ones we already have so ajdkfkf #forgive the million typos my gosh #too lazy to try to fix them tonight but i promise i know how to spell TT

[navramanan]

Isnt it crazy how yes, my liberation notes makes me feel seen in some parts, it also makes me want to die for the things that i dont have compared to the characters

#with that i specifically mean friends #is that really the one thing that will set me apart from everyone? #people will have relationship problems money problems job problems family problems #and all of them have friends. is it bc there really is no end in sight for any problem when you dont have friends? #i dont have anyone to talk to every evening about how my life is if i wanted to #sometimes i want to get it all out anyway and write it down somewhere #or on the very very rare occassion snap a friend. but i always feel like a left over person by doing that #i feel as if i'm so so desperate to talk to someone #lately i've been feeling lost in that gap i feel in my life #i have stopped hoping there's an end to this #at least for now i've stopped hoping. i hoped and tried and failed for so long i feel exhausted #i dont want to expect anything. bc then nothing comes out of it anyways and i feel awful just horrible. more than i would without expectatio #i dont know what's worse. to keep trying and hoping or to keep wandering around in that gap feeling lost #nesi rants

[orbmanson7]

Me, for the past three months: boy I feel like I'm getting a bit burned out working two jobs and barely getting any sleep, maybe I should use some PTO... Nah

Me, last month: I can probably just hold out, it'd be unfair to use my PTO with so many people at work needing time off for things like medical appointments and planned vacations

Me, this month: oh look they updated the schedule to help accommodate the new hires so that I can finally have some time off! Let's see, so they have me scheduled to work my 10-hr shifts on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday...

Huh, 60 hrs a week, okay so not Great but they were supposed to rearrange this so we didn't have anyone working alone anymore because that's dangerous (and also not in line with accreditation standards), so that's probably why I'm scheduled so much, right?

Oh no actually I work Mondays and Thursdays by myself... In fact, I'm the only one working by myself on this entire schedule. Huh

Well

#...i dont even know what to do with this shit anymore #like they didnt even consult me for this one #last month they were like hey new hires cant work full shifts can you help cover a couple mondays as overtime? #and i was like i guess but id like to have days off sometime soon thanks #and this time just... didnt even ask me #didnt ask for my other job's schedule even though i sent it to them and it fucking overlaps with this and will be a huge problem #ugh #i give up #if i dont just keel over from this month then i might genuinely take a whole fucking month off with pto #let them fucking deal with arranging around that #fucking hell #i dont even need overtime or extra hours!!! i have two jobs!!! i make more than enough money to cover bills now!! why are they doing this?? #orbs thought bubbles

[munamania]

right can i just. okay. lesbian is not a genre so im not looking to lump all these shows together. got that out of the way. im also not looking to pit queer people against each other so ok checking that off the list. i am however going to go ahead and throw the misogyny card out here because it’s fucking annoying how shows that center women, especially when theyre woc and/or queer, still just don’t take off even in progressive online spaces the way any shows with our darling young gay male couples will. i’m not saying that’s, like, the Cause of them being cancelled either because we’ve been shown numbers don’t matter. and many of the “”lesbian”” shows that have been cancelled were popular otherwise. just complaining xo!

#because well maybe many of these lesbian shows are not that good. and it's hard for people to care #but also sometimes they like are. or they're not 'good' but they're still fun and if the dynamics in play were primarily #attractive young guys i personally think they'd take off. but there's no way to like prove that so im just talking out of my ass #and ALSO. regardless of the lesbian aspect of it. many of you will watch such ass shows that have like no women or one woman in it #and hype it up to all hell cause that's your babygirl #I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO HAVE A GOOFY STUPID ASS DYKE TRAPPED IN A SHOW THAT ISNT THAT GOOD AND HAVE FUN!!! #i deserve pathetic women!!!!! #and also. largely upset with the most recent cancellations because of the butches/masc lesbians involved #because that you know has a special place in my heart. okay whatever #anyway. let me also add that plenty of the people who hype up mediocre gay shows are some of the most annoying people on the planet #so yk maybe it's a gift in a way to just have the illusion that the relationship begins and ends with me and my tv and one friend #but. like. the thing is is some of the tropes/dynamics/etc i see on these shows would make people go ferallllll if u know...... #circumstances were different. but they just dont care. and also like. i think it's fair to be sad that ur just not getting more time #with characters u enjoy #that none of the money these streaming services get goes to even shitty quality stuff #honestly it's so smart of them to be like Ooo look gay people i have smth for u! and then get everyone online going #omg stream it so it doesnt get cancelled!!!!!! to maximize off it anyway. and then cancel before it can threaten their image or anything #and get too big. or be smth they invest in

[fridayiminlcve]

if i dont move to nyc or london or paris by age 27 what is the point of anything

#i looooove my city so much you guys like if i wasnt who i am (queer) rn i would be so fucking glad that i am in my current city but #i loooove art and history and fashion and stuff and this citymight be about second best for all that but its still soo crowded #people WILL judge no matter what you wear something cutesy and people dont shut up especially when ur 16 and tagging along with your mom to #the mall or something and everyone just stares and even among your classmates ive been complimented so many times #for my unique style or whatever (aka i have beaded shoelaces and wear lots of jewelery and absurd ass eyeliner) and theyre like oh #n******** is so fancy itni stylish bandi hai woh and its so attention grabbing but i dont want it to be a big deal !!! #i want to like 20 badges and wear insane makeup and dye my hair without calling much attention to myself!!! #of course i know that will change slowly as you go in to uni and meet ppl of your type instead of a bazaar market and youll pick ur own #friends who r like minded but considering this is india how many people can you truly find. #also my next two years are going to be spent in a college for jee and neet kids #you can wear what you want theres no dress code but you have to appear serious studious and simple if you want to be taken seriously #elle woods at harvard law type #i asked my mom to get an industrial & second lobe piercing and actual dyed hair and shes like turn twenty get into a good college then do #not bc she minds she allowed me to get my hair dyed at age 13 but to go in th college im going to there is SO SO much rigour #and if you dont show yourself as professional and shit they will keep you in lower effort self study classes instead of best of the best #i KNOW how difficult moving abroad is bc my family does not have that money i need to do it myself its so so expensive bc the money #itself has such a high value compared to here (you see americans cribbing abt 30$ hourly wage but here that is 2500inr) #2500 inr is as much as an expensive pair of jeans here. expensive clothes here r 30$ and in usa its 300$ . see the diffence #im changing topics so much but sometimes i do feel this place is suffocating #its a priviledge i have that i can even think about going abroad comapred to other indians but still #dp you get what i mean #and ik movies and all are very romanticised so it might not even be this way in western cities and just an idealisation but still #if things change around here then the entire question of going anywhere is out the window anyway #smalltown boy will byers moment #dni if you read all this and plan on replying unless ur a close mutual (close mutuals u know who u are) #also if someone says why would you want to go to usa uk paris when they colonised your country shut up <3 shut up very much <3

[spearxwind]

Thinking about the time i commissioned an artist i rly liked for something and the result was kind of really catastrophic just from the preview image in the email so i just. never opened the actual image

#i dont even know where it is #honestly ive had such bad luck commissioning art of adri that ive completely given up its like an anomaly #thunderclap #fan art my lovely followers and friends have done for me for free: literally the most swagful things ive ever seen #actual for real honest to god art i have paid real money for: worlds most inconceivably off model take #the only exception to this is when ive commissioned my friends themselves #i know this is a mean spirited post usually i dont mind like creative liberty I usually say yeah feel free to interpret my characters freel #but like. sometimes its not remotely the same character #thinking still about the uh. the art i got from [popupar twitter artist] in exchange for one of my adopts instead of them paying money #and they like. did it so off model they just made a whole new guy. the art? yeah it slaps obviously. but thats not my oc 😭 #congratulations thats the worst anyones ever done it!! #this is something i personally try not to do when i do commissions too unless very explicitely stated. 'do your own take' #and also i make sure that the sketch is on-model and the client is happy etc etc #i dont know what it is about some artists where they just go ouuhhh what if i . redesigned ur oc for u. HUH #anyway thats all i gottta say this is a weird post but i think about it a lot #before you ask no im not gonna name names. this is my own personal beef

[mainfaggot]

my mom is so annoying god

#“well im also sick and tired!” -> her excuse for when she starts being mean to me for no reason #like when im mean i just dont talk to anyone. or i snap and then immediately apologise #when my mom is mean she insults the crap out of me and then follows up with “well im stressed just like you! and you dont even care about me #i just exist to make money and be the breadwinner!“ like ok? and no apology? lol like.. #and its so damn annoying because yeah she does keep the household running but she chose to have me and she chose to make my environment #suffocating while i was growing up she is half the reason i have the mental disorders that i do! #and if she cant stand me then she shouldve kicked me out or earlier! #and if im still too much then honestly? she can kick me out now. ill just go drown myself like 😐 yayyyy finally i can use the Out card in #my back pocket. the plan I've had for a year. #sometimes im like omg wait but i could live... i could live for some beautiful moments... as IF. #like if my mom makes it to be this way then ill die! ill die and ill die peacefully at last #z.post

[pinkcadillaccas]

Man I get wanting ownership of your content and separation from the trash fire that is YouTube and needing a way to fund that but personally I feel like marketing yourself as a streaming service and hiding everything behind a paywall when everything else is increasingly becoming a monthly payment of 5.99 is maybe like... Not good

#like theres better ways to do that which will ultimately honour your audience much more #and actually everything doesnt need to be a celebration sometimes you can go yeah sorry we have to have more funding theres no other way #heres ways you can help us out #or even making it so that the main series are free with ad revenue and you can individually purchase the rest of the content #as series #that would work! and be more affordable! #i just fucking hate streaming services #and like be serious guys if people are having to prioritise between something like netflix hulu and watcher #do you seriously think they'll choose the one with the least amount of variety for their money #like personally i dont pay for any i priate that shit but i dont actually want to do that to them #because theyre not a random faceless company #but i dont watch their stuff enough to pay for it and i know a lot of other people dont either #boo bad decision #good initial idea i understand that i understand wanting to be free of the evil that is youtube #but fucking boo #al is talking

[bittwitchy]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

#what i need is smthn for my anxiety and PROBABLY the obviously worsening ocd #but anxiety meds and antidepressants dont mix well #just like adhd meds and anything else dont mix well #which is why i just have a redbull if i need to focus bx it works for a few hours and then i pass out #which isnt healthy but its better than going through the diagnosis process AGAIN bc they dont have my info anymore #its early sad times rn w brina who hasnt gotten an ounce of treatment at all hi #see the other thing is #if i talk about my mental health at all #people will either hate me for being annoying which is what my brain will pinpoint #or feel sorry for me which i also dont want #all i rly wanna do is vent but thats never really an option at all #like yes i know its not normal to want to have a breakdown and cry bc your fucking pillow isnt the correct fluff and wont dluff #i know its not normal to feel like you should die because something wasnt in fhe spot you put it in and was moved slightly #im aware. and the reality is nobody who can do anything about it cares #i have to get an authorization to see a therapist or get meds at all even tho the card claims i dont have to #and the doc tbey gave me wont give me one #they dont allow email so i cant leave a paper trail when bitching at them and my calls go ignored #im losing my mind steadily #and thats not even onto the physical problems #but also the sheer fucking audacity of the website being all ‘oh just go to ERs and UC snd we’ll cover it’ vs hospitals specifically saying #‘we will refuse you if you have Gov Ins unless you have the money to pay out of pocket #if youre on gov insurance you dont have fucking money thats the entire fucking point. you creedy fucknuts go shove tour nepotism in your #fucking eyes and die if anyone doesnt deserve to fuck its you fuckfaces #sometimes i just want to scream esp when this doesnt seem to be most other ppls issues #but then i talk to other women and it is #it just doesnt make sense and i hate it #but i never rly got help on private insurance either so #tbd #depression cw

[atinyladybug-daydreams]

Advice from experience: Be VERY careful on spending money on games, especially if what you're spending money on is like, limited events and shit.

Once you're in, you're IN and it's very, very hard to get out of mostly because of guilt and not wanting to put down stuff you've spent hours grinding for.

#alt rambles #rants in tags #recently started putting down and breaking off of a game that i've been grinding on for two years #and realised how much more time i have on my hands #and how much less draining my daily life is #and that i have more energy and time to do stuff instead of spending 2-3 hours every day to grind on the game #yea i spent 2-3 sometimes 4 hours per day just playing this game on a daily basis for the last 2 years #because i spent money and a shit load of time and effort in it #so putting it down genuinely makes me feel a lot of guilt #cause i feel like its such a waste #but like idk #i got really frustrated the other day and so burned out i gave myself a few days break and hoenstly im doing so much better than before #and i actually have time to do other stuff and do more art that now im starting to like #not want to go back to playing the game anymore #lmao yea if you know me you know what game im talking about #i mean i still love the game but damn was it fucking predatory and its only gotten worse thanks to new updates imo #it was fun before and now its just endless grinding #anyways #its another reason why i dont wanna pick up playing genshit even though i really want to #cause i finally got scara (thanks friend who logs in sometimes) #cause like i know genshit will also do that to me smh #anyways idk its just been on my mind lately about how i have unhealthy relationships with a lot of video games #i think im just going to stick to games like sdv and sr that don't have event after event #so thta i can go for breaks without feeling bad or like im missing out

[littencloud9]

.

#i am SO fucking sick of people who love to shove it down my throat that they dislike taylor swift just bc i said im a swiftie #LIKE OKAY. DO YOU WANT A MEDAL #im saying i like her music im not saying shes a god or a saint that i worship and follow 24/7 #‘her music is mid’ ‘her lyrics are like a teenage girl’ bitch youve only listened to fucking shake it off and blank space #and even if her music didnt speak to you i dont CARE lmao #why do people insist on making others feel bad for something they like just bc it’s popular #sorry i listen to the blonde white woman. how does that affect you in any way #the most annoying part is that they bring her up ALL the time. commenting on her fan pages or on posts that dont even mention her #cause how are you this obsessed and you claim to hate her #AND YEAH. THE FAN BASE SUCKS ASS SOMETIMES. some swifties are creepy and invasive and have no boundaries i get it #but that’s literally every celebrity fandom lmfao #you can shit on her for her terrible environmental practices. or her business moves that drain money from her fans #cause those are objective and frankly true #but why is she the only celebrity that gets shit on for it. why dont you carry that same energy to other artists #it’s genuinely so nitpicky and annoying #football fans get to be crazy about their sport but swifties getting emotional over her concerts are immature and brainless #be so fr. im so tired #tldr if you dont like ts u dont have to force it in a fan’s face. youre not being more mature or smarter #youre just an asshole #vent #i guess #sorry. this is such a trivial issue but alas

[bitchfendi]

man ive GOT to make something!!!!

#thinking about all the stories i wanna tell but dont start bc im scared of being cringe #SOMEONE TELL ME TO STOP BEING A PUSSY AND WRITE/DRAW IT BAD!!! #AS LONG AS IT MAKES ME HAPPY IT SHOULD BE FINE BUT IT DOESNT MAKE ME HAPPY BC ITS NOT PERFECT🙃🙃🙃 #BUT NOTHINGS PERFECT EVERYTHINGS SUBJECTIVE #BUT ALSO THE WHAT IF IM CRINGE 😭 #im fine. im fine with being cringe. im fine with being cringe it is ok to be cringe #hrrrrrrrrgggggggghh #sorry wverypony 🥲 #i think i just need to move out tbh #BUT I HAVE NO MONEY. yet #and even then i have student loans n i need to learn how to drive bc this place is NOT walkable #my goal is to move out sometime in or after the fall. i dont think its gonna happen this year but ill keep on trying #anway if u read through my whole tag ramble you lost the game #hrrrgh #but rents so expensive here… its so complicated :( #well see what happens… #I HAGE BEING AN ADULT :(

[icewindandboringhorror]

Literally cannot comprehend that some people just... go places.. I know someone who just got back from a 2 week vacation and then the day they came home they went out to eat at a restaurant (at a busy time mind you, like 7pm on a saturday night!!) and then went to a mall to shop and then woke up early for brunch the next day and were at a bar in the afternoon and so on and so on and it’s like... god don’t you get tired of being places? If I go grocery shopping for 20 minutes on monday and then have a doctor appointment on tuesday, I am SO tired of leaving the house that I want to do nothing for the next two weeks lol...  Doing multiple major tasks/trips in one day and ENJOYING it and SEEEKING IT OUT is utterly inconceivable to me..  we are different creatures entirely lol

#not even regarding how irresponsible it is to be constantly doing stuff during the pandemic and etc. etc. like EVEN before the pandemic #I felt this way exactly the same. I just do not understand the human compulsion to be Doing Things (tm). And it's not that I don't enjoy #SOME things #like very hyperspecific things in controlled environments scheduled 10 days ahead of time and intricately planned lmao #but like there is some stuff I enjoy so it's not like I just hate everything but it's just... ghghhhhhhhhhh #like what are you running away from something? is it unberable for you to be alone with yourself so you have to be like #constanly up and out and finding new sensory shit to throw yourself into or like??? #I am legitimately not exaggerating comepltely 100% fine not leaving my house for months at a time (aside from going on walks to get excercis #e just around the block/still within the neightbohood and occasional necessary grocery trips to stock up on food obviiously) #I simply do not posess the impulse to go out to restaurants or bars or go to clubs and dance or go to parties or concerts #OR even travel like...?? idk I guess it's not terrible but in the past when I have traveled I've found that the only things #I could name that I enjoyed about the experience were like.. I like being on hotels because you get free breakfast sometimes and they have #TV and air conditioning and better beds than I do at home. I like people watching from my room windows. I like being in airports because #of the way they;re designed and I like to pearch somewhere and watch people and watch clouds and planes taking off. #I enjoy being on airplanes because the windows feel cold and you can look at clouds and sometimes have gingerale. #but I dont enjoy the traveling or going places itself. I'd rather be at home working on my hyper-specific interest hobbies lol #legit not joking at al if I won tickets to like an all expenses paid super luxury tropical getaway I would sell them and use the money to #buy craft supplies. I would get 10000x more personal fulfilment and joy being able to work on a new project or having the money to pay off #bills or buy better groceries or get an apartment with a better bathroom or something like that than I would having the one time #experience of like wow I looked at a cool beach and some sunsets and ate at restaurants a lot #And maybe the thing is like. I don't value experiences? I value resource security and pratical progress at things #and not in a like workaholic capitalist way but just in a like.. I value more what's going to make me happy in the LONG run than temporary #expeirences that are somehow supposed to mean something to me in the moment (yet I usually derive no pleasure or meaning from at all) #Like I would rather use money to invest in my niche hobbies or crafts or personal improvement or getting a more comfortable #bed or better shoes for my foot pain or etc. etc. than I would spending the money to go out to a resuarant or travel or etc. #ALSO again like.. in addition to it simply not seeming worth it because my brain rarely is able to conceptualize the value of those sorts of #experiences.. it's also just SO tiring to do things! Even a grocery store trip can be overwhelming with sensory stuff and social things #and etc. etc. and I just realize like.. all the things people have told me are Fun are not Fun for me. I grew up and realized you actually #have no obligation to do things. I found out you can spend your birthday at home alone eating a waffle and playing your favorite video game #and I have never went anywhere or done an activity on my bday since lmao.. 'Doing Things' is just hard for me to grasp still really lol

[craycraybluejay]

i should get more method by smoking more weed + remembering the million times i got too fucked up and thought i was going to die or just very but not too fucked up and how it felt in the moment. the confusion, weird fixations, wack visuals, nausea, dissassociation, shame, real and vivid fear of death.

i can tell y'all i have had someone make active attempts on my life but there is no death as frightening as the idea of dying in a puddle of puke and other bodily fluids feeling so disoriented and so much physical pain and discomfort that you'd pay a million dollars to crawl directly out of your body. there's easier OD concepts to stomach like one depressants but the concept of dying on a psychedelic or an upper or even a stimulating dissociative is terrifying. or dying from contaminants which injure you a lot more than whatever you were meaning to take ever could.

i want to write angel having a seizure the way i did. i want to write him compulsively adding different substances because just the one isn't enough. i want to torture this lil guy as he tries and fails to save himself :3

#as i always say please test your drugs im begging you #delete later #getting too personal up in here #but fr the world of serious substance use is a crazy place to even visit let alone live in #the entirety of reality just does not work the same way #its beautiful and scary and you dont want to become a permanent resident there #but its a lot like toxic relationships and maladaptivelt returning to them over and over #i want to parallel angel's drug abuse with his relationship to valentino #because even if you OD or have some kind of serious problem from it or get spiked with something awful #chances are you will always have that curiosity and urge to try again. try more. different new novel fun #bc even when it feels like hell its a unique hell. and more importantly its not your life anymore #no worries about being abused or homeless or very sick if the drugs bring a whole new hell #sometimes when you almost die you just get grateful it wasnt the real world that almost killed you #sometimes when youve looked in the void you laugh at how ridiculous your pain and grief and life is #its all stupid! none of it matters! we are all going to die and your exit card from the real world is in a box of mints #idk. sometimes a drug is an enhancer of reality and sometimes a different reality altogether. a lot of the experience depends on why you #take it. if you get high socially youre going to lean into related effects more heavily. if you do it to escape or explore thats what youll #get. ive never had the level of Problem Angel does but I Get It. i get why #im too broke to sustain a Problem of that nature lmao. like ok if i spend all my money i can lose my mind for a week #then ill be withdrawing and hungover from 20 diff things and penniless. no ty #however i will rarely say no to sharesies ill suck ya dick for my DOC 👍 #JOKING. ish