#sometimes I go through life thinking | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

annabelle--cane · 8 months

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say it with me everybody: personal health is completely immaterial to morality, including mental health. leading a mentally unhealthy lifestyle (or what you perceive as a mentally unhealthy lifestyle) does not a bad person make. no one has to socialize, exercise, have healthy coping mechanisms, or lead (what you perceive as) a fulfilling life with fulfilling hobbies in the same way that no one has to go to the doctor to get a broken bone reset. both of those types of management of personal health are likely to be beneficial to the individual, but they are in no way moral requirements or debts owed to society. they do not actually say anything about a person's principles, personality, or actions towards others. additionally, people know themselves and their own situations better than you do. maybe a person judges that the physical and financial toll of going to the doctor outweigh the benefit of getting their bone reset, maybe a person just does not have the capacity to develop healthy coping mechanisms at this point in their life, and yes, maybe a person feels like they are totally fulfilled by "media based" hobbies alone and would feel no difference in their life if they picked up a loom. just like. let people be sick without accusing them of being representative of the lazy, degenerated state of modern society.

#marina marvels at life #there's a way people on here have been talking about ai/tiktok/movies/anti intellectualism/media hobbies/self care that all jives together #that just. really icks me out.#sometimes it comes through pretty transparently with people claiming that you must have regular sex to be a healthy/good person #or conversely that people are more sex crazed now than they've ever been and it's destroying literacy or whatever #or that cheating at school is scandalously immoral and only 'soft brained' bad people would do it #or that collectivism means you have to dress the right way and feel the right way and talk the right way #because your actions affect Others and you might upset someone or give off bad messages if you wear a crop top or are too sad #but a lot of the time it's just this strange plausibly-deniable tone I keep encountering that crept up some time in like 2021 I think #like. am I going crazy here or has anyone else been feeling this?

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pinkd3mon · 9 months

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Bonus piece from this art

#kirby #kots #kirby of the stars #kirby fanart #hoshi no kirby #Taranza #Galacta Knight #Galacta doesn't know how to go about life without being mysterious #the difference between Galacta and Meta Knight is that Galacta is quiet and mysterious by nature #meta knight does it on purpose to appear cool #Taranza is trying hard not to judge #I think he gave up on trying tp understand #Galacta is mostly quiet but sometimes goes into these monologues while looking at the horizon and Taranza politely listens #Galacta is like 'I've been through so many lifetimes and relived my death time and time again and yet trusting is my demise'#and Taranza is just like 'sure'#Taranza just appreciates the companionship while he's gardening it's like listening to youtube while you draw #you didn't understand half what you just listened to but at last it feels like you're not alone #I'm not sure how to free Galacta Knight in my au yet #but i know they can't fight or they risk to go back to their crystal #that's a rule mentioned in the novels and we don't have tons of those in Kirby canon I'll take what I can get #so instead of fighting they take on gardening isn't that nice #Galacta probably arrived at Dreamland first (Because of course they do) and Dedede doesn't want to deal with them and just sends them away #they probably live temporarily with Kirby because in the novels Kirby actually likes Galacta a lot it's their kin #enough talk about backstory this is supposed to be taken at face value #but Galacta and Kirby would be besties and probably the first person Galacta trusts in basically forever #Galacta would HATE magolor #that's all im going away im so sorry im autistic

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canisalbus · 3 months

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I was on Pinterest this morning and I saw this and went “MACHETE wait- he wouldn’t drink from a puddle even in an apocalypse” then I’m like- apocalypse machete wouldn’t last five minutes, he’d cringe at the thought of mud getting on his heels(tm) and Vasco would probably act like a hunting dog, he might do pretty well ina full on apocalypse or war or something, and he would carry machete over all the mud puddles Q^Q

#apocalypse Machete #I think that could go two ways #either he'd lose hope and ability to function and just disintegrate #or his overt cautiousness planning and orderliness would carry him surprisingly far #anxiety makes you worry about everything and sometimes imagining the worst scenarios in your head #can help you to prevent them from actually happening #he's chronically fatiqued and achy and that could hinder him but I don't think any of his conditions are acutely life threatening #Vasco would either power through with the same optimism he always exhibits #or alternatively having to struggle to stay alive and continuously losing things dear to him could eventually get to him #and he'd lose his spark and become apathetic and bitter #answered #odi-the-oddity #Vaschete scenarios

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i-am-l-ananas · 5 months

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just because your peers are reaching “life milestones” before you doesn’t mean you’re falling behind in life. You’re not behind in life. You’re not you’re not you’re not you’re not and maybe someday you’ll believe it

#one of those nights folks!#I know when and if a person reaches so called life milestones is arbitrary!!! But why am I so behind???#it’s just. more people I grew up with are getting married and having kids #I don’t even think I want kids!!#it’s just that it goes along with them having the relationships and stability to do so!!#and I’m envious of that!#and it’s pathetic that I still blame all the bullying I went through for my lack of relationships when I know it’s really my own fault #for not bettering myself and going out and meeting people and instead waiting for a future where I’m no longer disgusted with my body #ack sorry if you opened the tags only to be slapped in the face with vent #it be like this sometimes

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napping-sapphic · 2 months

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Crazy how i’m not being kissed hard enough to forget everyone who has ever hurt me rn

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samarecharm · 8 days

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Love being able to write. I can do whatever i want. I can make Ryuji interact w Lala-chan and u literally cant stop me.

#chattin #i feel like shinjuku and crossroads doesnt get enough love #ohya and lala dont get enough love 😭#if they had an option to work there as a parttimer some how my akira wouldve absolutely taken it #u never see the place packed or w customers at all; it just feels cozy every time u go there #akira doesnt have a lot of places free from prying eyes; so id imagine he goes there often to just hang and study #catch up w ohya and get a bit of knowledge and validation from lala #like shes so sweet. i love her. she comes across as wise without being unapproachable #she makes comments she shouldnt (talking about ohyas job and history) bc she just forgot that she shouldnt lol #adamant about not letting him drink while hes there. its like. a safe space for him.#and i think hed like to invite his friends into his safe space; esp ryuji #gets to a point where even ryuji stops by on his own sometimes.#hes got questions but hes always in his head; never says it out loud #but it leads him in the right direction almost all the time #im thinkin of him having like. the most base level internalized homophobia and transphobia #like the kind of shit you just pick up as a child and teen and never question #and u kinda make fun of it bc everyone else is. but akira stumbles into his life and makes it so confusing #like. i dont think hed be trans. but akira would make him second guess alot about himself #about what he likes. what hes into. what hes okay w doing w someone like akira #and lala is like. u got that look in ur eyes kid. come sit.#doesnt entirely get it. but he feels a little lighter. not on labels but on his feelings #‘kid. u think of the ideal person and u think of him. at that point; it dont matter what bits he got.’#and its blunt and MAYBE it gets him a little flustered. but hes always responded well to blunt words. no beating around the bush #makes his brain confront shit head on without the second guessing hed suffer through when left on his own #WAA. rambling.#gonna see if i can draft this up at some point

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jimmyspades · 2 months

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2007 | 2019

#these scenes were stuck in my head as similar but I could NOT remember the specific eps for weeks. I finally found them yayy #james spader #alan shore #boston legal #raymond reddington #the blacklist #*#today on my run I was thinking about how he's been acting in films since he was a teenager. A TEENAGER #his whole life on film. oh my gd. jamesyyyy babyyy #he's a very good actor in the sense you rarely feel like you're watching jim spader playing a part. he usually embodies the character #(for better or worse lol)#so sometimes it's hard to realize that's ALL him. growin up going through life before the camera 🥹#anyway. old man -> older man. cutie <3

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subtle-as-an-earthquake · 8 months

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sometimes i think about penny turner and how much she must love her brilliant, beautiful son, her only child, and how proud she must be of him, but how much she must've worried about him too over the years (and probably still does sometimes) and then i cry a little 🥺

gif credit @ihatealexturner [X]

more emo thoughts about this under the cut because it's just that kind of night i suppose

like, we know alex and his mum (both his parents actually) have a great relationship and they love each other very much, so i have no doubt that she's so very proud of alex for how hard he works and how driven and talented he is, so proud of everything he's achieved, knowing how much he and his creations mean to a huge number of people

but then also, how could she not worry about him, knowing that yes, he is living his dream, but he's also flying all across the world every few years, a different city every night, performing to the point of exhaustion, only to have to come up with the next big thing all over again? that's a lot of pressure on his shoulders, even if he does share a lot of it with the rest of the band. and alex handles it admirably of course, but still, if even i worry about him sometimes, i can't imagine how it must be for his mother (and father, of course, all of this probably goes for him just as much)

i also think about how she must have felt when alex moved to the usa, and how relieved she must've been when he decided to move back to the uk/europe, to have him closer again. and i wonder how she must've felt watching all those different personas and eras he created appear and disappear, maybe sometimes fearing he'd lose himself somewhere along the way, but still always seeing her boy underneath it all. i'm sure she's gotten used to it to some extent, but it must still be overwhelming sometimes, seeing all the hype and the scrutiny and the expectations and the temptations he has to deal with, especially knowing better than anyone how special and sensitive he is deep down. i can imagine she wishes she could protect him while at the same time knowing he's a big boy now, and he was always destined to make his mark on the world in a way that required him to spread his wings and leave the warm nest she'd created for him

and then i think she must also be so grateful to know that he's always got his best friends with him when he's on the road, to support him and share the load, and that he has so many more friends who adore him and always have his back, and how much of a reassurance that must be and then I just 😭😭😭😭 you know? 🥺

#is this weird?#should i not be thinking about this? idk man #listen i obviously have no idea if she feels like this at all #i don't know her at all so i may be way off #but whenever i imagine being alex's mum these are just all the things i would feel 🥺#and i don't mean to whumpify her or him #but it's just that i've talked to my own mum a lot about how it was for her when i moved abroad #and how she felt when i was going through some shit and how often she thinks about me #and like my things are all so minor compared to alex's life you know?#and I'm sure penny's gotten used to a lot of it and she's also just proud and excited but I just think it must also be hard sometimes #to be the mother of someone really special #anyway i'm a bit emo tonight #ignore me #alex turner #penny turner #arctic monkeys #minnie talks

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thetomorrowshow · 3 months

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scars

empires superpowers au masterlist (not up to date)

i have no clue where this idea came from but here *hands you a tattooed jimmy*

this takes place about 8 months after then end of ‘poisoned rats’.

cw: past abuse, mentions of needles, scars

“Look at that one,” Jimmy points at the screen; Scott pauses in his scrolling. “It’s a poppy. You love poppies.”

“. . . I do,” Scott says, glancing at Jimmy quickly before resuming the scroll.

“That one’s a flag, but it could be a pride flag. That’s why I saved it. The birds are a bit cheesy, but I thought I’d include them anyway.”

Scott doesn’t say anything, just keeps scrolling through the document. He knew Jimmy had been researching something, but . . . he hadn’t been expecting this.

Before him, on Jimmy’s laptop, is a three-page document that is a collage of tattoos.

Some are better than others—there’s a celtic knot that looks pretty bad, and Jimmy’s right about the birds being cheesy, but the poppy is understated and delicate, and a cute cartoon cat makes him smile.

That’s all well and good, but the problem is: Scott has no clue why Jimmy is showing him tattoos.

Jimmy points at a bundle of stars, saying something about how it reminded him of Scott, then at a feather, then a ladder, which he explains could be combined with the stars. He quickly passes over an abstract canary, hands twitching and tripping over his words, to point out an intricate subway car, then a tiny soccer ball.

Scott interrupts right as Jimmy starts to explain an iceberg tattoo.

“Jimmy, I—this is great, but I don’t think I understand. Are you wanting me to get a tattoo?”

Jimmy blinks, laughs nervously. “I—Scott, these are—these are cover-ups. For scars.”

Oh.

Suddenly, there’s a lump in Scott’s throat.

“I—a tattoo is a big decision,” Scott manages to say around the lump, his eyes catching on a long scar down Jimmy’s left bicep. “It’s something you can’t change. Are you sure?”

Jimmy levels an exasperated look at him. “For one thing, I’m an adult. I know it’s a big decision, you don’t have to remind me. And I promise I’ve thought about this. I shouldn’t have to tell you that I have.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Scott starts to amend, but Jimmy forges on.

“It’s my body,” he says. “It’s mine, and I can have the freedom to do what I want with it, because I’m an adult and it belongs to me. And when you—when you asked if I was sure, it felt like you were treating me like a kid, or like I don’t own my body. And it felt bad.”

Shame curls in his stomach. Jimmy’s right, he shouldn’t have responded like that. It’s perfectly normal for people to get tattoos, and for their partners to support them in it. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes again. “I didn’t think before speaking. I said something my parents would’ve said, and I should have considered what you just told me.”

Jimmy smiles, leans his head against Scott’s shoulder. “It’s fine. I was showing you because I wanted your opinion, and it’s all right if you don’t like the idea of a tattoo. But I would’ve liked for you to say that outright if that’s true, instead of telling me things I already knew.”

“No, I think it’s a great idea,” Scott hurries to amend. He pauses, taking a moment to get his thoughts in order. They’re working on having more open conversations, so that they don’t have repeat events of Scott’s Nightmare Situation of Last Month, as they’ve dubbed it. “I think a lot of tattoos are good,” he says eventually, “but some suck. So I’m happy you’re asking my opinion, because I don’t know if I’d be able to look my boyfriend in the eyes if he got a skull surrounded in roses on his bicep.”

That gets a laugh out of Jimmy. “Don’t think yours is the only opinion I’m getting,” he teases. “I know better than to trust a man who dyed his hair red all through college.”

“It looked good!”

They look at tattoos for a little while, Scott immediately vetoing the trio of birds and a guitar. Together, they separate the pages into ‘no’ ‘maybe’ and ‘yes’ images, dragging the little Darth Vader holding a lightsaber (a scar being the lightsaber) into ‘maybe’ and the celtic knot into ‘no’ and so on, until about half of the tattoos have been sorted.

And if they get distracted halfway through and end up making out right there on the couch? Well, they can always finish it later.

Three weeks later, Jimmy exits the tattoo parlor with the long, thin scar on his left bicep covered by a poppy, red and irritated from the procedure. Scott had been with him the whole time, holding his hand. They’d had to call for a break halfway through, but it had overall gone very well, and Jimmy had gotten into the passenger seat with a huge grin on his face.

“I thought I would be scared of the needle, but it wasn’t even that bad!” Jimmy says excitedly, twisting his arm around to check out the plastic-wrapped tattoo. “Did you hear when she said I was really good at staying still, especially for my first time? I’m going to get a good grade in tattoos, which is both normal to want and possible to achieve.”

Scott laughs out loud at the meme reference, resolving not to think about why it is that Jimmy’s so good at not moving while needles are stuck into him.

“Do you like it?” Scott asks instead, adjusting the rearview mirror before shifting the car into gear.

Jimmy doesn’t answer for a long moment. When Scott glances over at him, he’s let his arm fall, staring straight ahead, chewing thoughtfully on his lip.

“Yeah,” he decides eventually. “I really do. Now when I look at it in the mirror, I can be reminded of you instead of them. And . . . I can make choices with my body. That feels really good.”

“I can imagine.”

Jimmy twists his arm around again, peering at what little of the tattoo can be seen through the plastic. “I like it,” he says, quieter. “Do you like it?”

“It was my top choice, Jimmy,” Scott reminds him. “And it looks cute on you. Much better than that fish would.”

Jimmy snorts. “You know what, since it was Lizzie’s idea, I’ll tell her I’ll only get it if she gets it too.”

“Please—if you get fish, get a different one,” begs Scott. “It was huge, it had that horrible ‘gone fishing’ sign—get something cute, not something that screams fifty-year-old midlife crisis.”

That gets a laugh out of his boyfriend, and a little tension that had been in Scott’s body since before the appointment finally dissipates, allowing his shoulders to ease and his fingers to loosen their grip on the wheel.

“I’ve been watching videos on word cover-ups, so I think I might get one of those,” Jimmy says when they’re almost home. “I’m . . . I think it would help, even though I can still trace the letters. But I’d like to try scar treatment first, so I don’t think I’m gonna get another tattoo any time soon.”

“And here I was thinking my boyfriend was about to get all inked up and awesome,” Scott teases.

“And something for words would have to be really big, and there’s not much I want that’s good for that,” Jimmy continues. He glances at Scott quickly, then turns his gaze out the window. “That’s life, I guess.”

Scott thinks that’s the end of the conversation. He’s happy leaving it there, with vague plans and ideas in mind to experiment with.

But later that evening, at home, as Jimmy washes dishes and Scott dries them, Jimmy blurts out, “Would I be wrong for wanting a canary tattoo?”

Scott pauses. “Um. No?”

Jimmy sighs. “See, it’s the only one that I think I would want that’s big enough and colorful enough to cover any words. But I don’t know that I could be okay with having it cover up one of those words, because of . . . connotations. But also. . . .” he sighs again, sets down his dishcloth.

“Scott, being the Canary was the only freedom I had, as awful as it was,” Jimmy explains, and it’s a credit to how far he’s come that Jimmy’s voice doesn’t even shake. “I didn’t love it, but I could go outside. I could literally fly. And I looked pretty cool, honestly. So if I got another tattoo, I think it would be a canary, but . . . I’m afraid that’ll cause more harm than good, with my mental health and all.”

“I . . . don’t know,” Scott says honestly, sliding a plate into place in the cupboard. “I’m not in your head. And it’s not my body. But you don’t have to decide today. You don’t have to decide any time soon. You can talk about it with other people, and with Nora. And we can start looking into scar treatment, if you think you’re ready for that.”

Jimmy picks up the cloth again, runs it under the water. “I don’t know,” he says eventually, voice unreadable. His face has set back into that guarded look, the one that Scott is now so familiar with. “Maybe.”

Whatever Jimmy’s unspoken other concerns are (and Scott knows that they exist, he can tell in the tenseness of his stance), Jimmy abandons that topic of conversation. He doesn’t bring up tattoos again for weeks.

But every so often, Scott catches him admiring the poppy, and he can’t help but feel a bubble of happiness.

Jimmy finally has a good reason to look in a mirror.

#empires smp #empires smp fanfic #flower husbands #jimmy solidarity #scott smajor #021324 #yep you guessed it! im still away #if im back i'll announce it/delete these tags etc #knowing my life schedule and all that i think i'll finally feel up to coming back soon-ish #but like. as of writing these tags it is december of 22 #so take everything i say with a grain of salt #how do we feel about tattooed jimmy?#i legitimately have no idea where this came from. just all of the sudden i was researching cover-ups #and here we are #i found such pretty canary tattoos #and i think it's accurate of jimmy to be conflicted about a tattoo of a canary #bc again: canary meant freedom for him limited as it was #and that was a big part of his life that he kind of wants to commemorate #it changed everything some good some bad. jimmy's going through a part of his healing where he kind of wishes it was still happening #just bc like. a. it was easier to understand and b. now that it's this far away he feels sometimes like he's faking #like it wasn't that bad. and he wants to know that it was bad. he's trying to heal but doesnt want to let go of the hurt #bc if he covers up all the scars or they all heal then where's the proof that he went through anything at all?#somebody tell me to stop projecting #lmk what you think!#love you guys

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