#so young and just. it’s hard. I’m going to scream. i want to sob more than anything. but I can’t bc I just can’t.

[taketheringtolohac]

I want to scream!!!! I want to scream so much!!!!!!!!!!!!

#i know I know I know it’s a guilt trip I know it’s underhanded I know I am being manipulative even if they don’t realize it but. #i feel like I am a terrible awful person I can’t do this anymore but I have to bc. yeah. but also I can’t do anything unless ik they’re home #or their plans and ik it just feels like I’m being pushed out bc I mean I am but also I can’t give what they want bc of it #but they don’t know that and want everything to be the same and using my brother against me is so DIRTY but it works it’s gonna work #every single time and I know it shouldn’t and ik I should just be like a better kid but jfc it’s so hard to do anything #when nothing is good enough and they aren’t making an effort but god. i feel so so bad bc I am putting him in the middle of this and he’s #so young and just. it’s hard. I’m going to scream. i want to sob more than anything. but I can’t bc I just can’t. #and it’s so hard bc I know what’s being done is bad but also I feel like I’m overexaggerating and just. yeah. maybe it isn’t. yk. #whatever it’s fine I’m fine Im spending a day picking up all my things from storage and taking them to my moms bc ofc I have room for that! #naturally! why wouldn’t I! I’ll probably get yelled at for taking the objectively most economical route too but also the weird thing of like #they can’t decide what they want so it’s playing both sides but I lose in both scenarios somehow. i cant do this anymore.

[marksmelodies]

sleep tight

idol haechan x idol reader

genre: fluff

warnings: mentions of sleep paralysis, kissing

—————————————————————————

going home and getting in bed was the only thing you could think of right now, today was a long day full of schedules but thankfully you had your team, your boyfriend and your best friends with you

opening the door to your dorm, saying your goodnights to the members, you walk into your room putting your belongings away

“ oh thank god todays almost over i didn’t think i was going to make it” you joke to your boyfriend haechan

he chuckles as he walks over to you giving you a hug as his hands play with your hair

“ you gonna go to bed soon love?”

“ yeah hyuck i’m exhausted”

you and haechan had been dating for over 3 years now, you’ve been friends with him since day one, he was the first friend you ever made in NCT, you both joined the company the same day and you two were introduced into SM rookies the same time as well, you two were a package deal.you both knew you were going to end up together at some point, you’ve experienced all your firsts with eachother considering you two were together all the time at such a young age. after debuting in the same sub units as him you two became even more inseparable, you both belonged to one another and everyone knew it even if it was never directly stated.

“ alright i’m gonna go to my room and play some games, let me know if you need anything, goodnight i love you”

you and haechan sleep in different bedrooms, the reason being is that you’ve been in the same rooms since you moved into the dorm and that was before you and haechan started dating, you were thinking about sharing a room once you got together however you both liked to have separate rooms for when you both needed alone time, spending every waking moment with your significant other can be challenging at times and for your relationship when you aren’t getting enough alone time it can often lead to fights, you liked the idea that if you want to sleep in the same bed one night then you can, if you want to sleep separately that’s also an option too, its convenient for the both of you

“ i love you too” you say as you give him a kiss goodnight. hopping in the shower you get yourself ready for bed

“ god i just want to go to sleep” you say yourself as you finish up your skincare, finally getting into your warm bed and snuggling up with your fuzzy blankets you feel your eyelids getting heavy as you fall into a deep sleep

you open your eyes frantically, as you try to get out of bed. you can’t move. you have a hard time breathing, it feels as if something heavy is laying on your chest,hearing distant chatter of a voice that is unfamiliar to you. that’s when you see the outline of a figure standing in the doorway of your closet,standing tall, with glowing eyes. you tried to scream but you couldn’t, after what feels like forever you could finally move and the vision you had seen was gone, looking at the clock it read 3:35am ,without a thought you quickly get out of bed running to haechans room with tears welling up in your eyes,quickly opening the door to his bedroom you see his sleeping body spread out on his bed, light snores leaving his mouth you walk over whispering his name slightly shaking him awake he slightly jolts in a panic looking around deeply confused until he realizes it’s just you

“ baby what’s wrong” he whispers in his sleepy voice,before you could say anything you start to sob,haechan quicky sits up and pulls you into his arms

“ it was so scary hyuck” you mumble

“ what was scary sweetheart” he says as he rubs your head

“ i think i just had sleep paralysis, i woke up to a whispering in my ear and i couldn’t move, i couldn’t scream and i saw a shadow of a tall man in my doorframe”

“ oh my goodness baby that’s horrifying” he says laying you down with him once you had calmed down

“ i promise you’re safe with me, no one is going to hurt you sweet girl, i’ll protect you” he kisses your head as you lay one of your legs on his, putting your head on his chest and your hand on his stomach.

“ do you think maybe i can spend a few nights sleeping in here with you?” you ask

“ baby you can move into this room with me for all i care, you know you’re always welcome in here” you kiss his lips as you lay your head back down on his chest

“ get some sleep love if you need me in right here” he says as he holds you close,you close your eyes yet again attempting to fall asleep again feeling safe in your lovers arms

—————————————————————————

hope y’all enjoyed!! ( i literally got this idea bc i just had sleep paralysis it was so scary)

#nct dream #nct dream fanfic #nct dream imagines #nct fanfic #nct fluff #nct #nct dream smut #nct scenarios #haechan #haechan x reader #haechan x y/n #lee donghyuk x reader #nct donghyuck #donghyuck x reader

[honeybeefae]

Bigger Than The Whole Sky (Cassian x Reader)

Summary// This entire year had been devastating for you and your mate. On more days than not you found yourself laying in bed, the pillow wet with tears, while Cassian stroked your hair and whispered soft words into your ear. You were so ready to give up, to crumble away like sand against the waves of grief, until you discover something that gives you and him hope.

(I know this is a few days late but I wanted to get it right! This is very angst heavy, I’m just going to warn you. It has a happy ending but it deals with the loss of a child, miscarriage, etc. As a mom who lost her first child, this fic is almost cathartic to me. It was years ago but that kind of pain never leaves you and although I don’t know if anyone who reads this has gone through this, statistically 1 in 4 women will suffer through this. This is for you, or for anyone going through grief)

@starfallweek Prompt: Character A swears they recognize one of the stars blazing past when Character B is trying to tell them something important. 

WARNINGS: Angst, Miscarriage, Blood, Death, Vomit, Pregnancy, ending is hopeful

The curtains in the room billowed in the calm breeze, the sun streaming into a room that was full of darkness. You stared blankly at the door of your bedroom, listening to the soft snores of your mate while you furiously rubbed at your eyes to keep yourself awake.

It was the same every single night. You would try to sleep, your entire being exhausted from just existing, only to be plagued by the nightmares that replayed the night over and over again. No tea, herb, or medicine seemed to help, and every night you were edging closer and closer to the edge.

You quietly got up when your eyes tried to shut once more, walking over to the open balcony doors and stepping into the outside air. The warmth of the sun warmed your skin and kissed your face, making you briefly smile, until you laid a hand over your empty womb.

“Cassian! Cassian, help me!” You screamed from the bathroom, blood covering your legs as you fell to your knees in pain from the sharp cramps that were stabbing into your stomach. “Please…please no…”

Footsteps thudded loudly outside, your mate frantically searching for you, until he barged into the bathroom and saw you crumpled on the floor. “Y/N, what happened? What’s wrong?” He asked, kneeling in front of you despite the blood to grab your face. “Are you hurt? Where are you bleeding from?”

Your eyes were red from how hard you were crying, half from the pain and half from the realization of what was happening. It was the same thing you had seen your mother go through when you were young. You remembered hearing her screams, her prayers to the Mother to save her child, and then silence. 

“I…” You started to say before sobbing again, his arms immediately pulling you into his chest as he cradled you closely. He shushed you, rocking the two of you back and forth as you cried and cried and cried. 

Cassian figured out what was happening quickly, his heart shattering right along with yours. His tears fell onto your head, holding you to him as if you would also disappear. You stayed that way for hours, not moving until Feyre had come looking for you and immediately turned to go grab Madja.

She had to pry you from his arms to examine you, grimacing as she glanced at you in sympathy. Cassian’s hands never left yours as you lay on the bathroom floor, laboring for a few hours until you birthed your sleeping child. It was a boy, his wings so tiny as was the rest of his body, and you just sat there gazing at him until Madja gently took him and wrapped him in a blanket.

“Y/N?” Cassian called, pulling you back to the present. He looked over your sunken face, and your cracked lips, and felt as if he were looking at a ghost. “How long have you been out here?”

“Just for a few minutes.” Your voice was hoarse as you wrapped your arms around yourself, looking out towards the bay. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Did you?” 

You looked away in silence, his face softening as he reached out to touch you. It felt foreign though like you were out of your own body. 

“Y/N…you need to rest. Please.” He pleaded but you shook your head, looking up at him sadly.

“I can’t, Cass.” You mumble, the memory still burning in the back of your mind. “Every time I close my eyes, every time, I just see him and-”

Before you could break down, you snuggled into his chest, his lips pressing on the crown of your head to comfort you. Although the pain was still there, being in Cassian’s arms made it dull. You both had lost your son, you both were mourning and even though it had been a year of this agony, you at least knew you had someone to hold you in the dark.

After a few minutes, he pulled away, brushing the tears from your eyes. “You know tonight is Starfall, princess. Rhys and Feyre said they understood if we couldn’t make it but maybe it would be nice to get out for a while? See everyone?”

If you were being honest it was one of the last things you wanted to do but deep down you missed your family, and you knew your mate did too. He was always the social bat, the life of the party, and ever since the incident he changed, and became more withdrawn and sad. You hated how it had changed him, wishing you could take that pain away so his heart wouldn’t be marred by it.

Of course, it was impossible, you couldn’t change the past. However, maybe tonight was the first step you both needed to start healing. Starfall meant so much to both of you and while you definitely wouldn’t stay for the whole thing, an appearance was something you could manage.

“I don’t know if I can handle the entire party, but I think it would be nice to get out for a change.” You said, the corners of your mouth slightly turning up when he grinned from ear to ear. 

“Of course, we don’t have to stay long. Just say the word and we can leave.” He affirmed, surprising you with a soft kiss on your lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now go spread the good news while I go bathe.” You shooed him, watching him throw on his clothes and walk out the door at breakneck speed. It reminded you of your old Cassian. 

You started to draw a bath, letting the hot water almost sear your skin as it began to fill up. As you started to realize what you had just agreed to, you found yourself growing nauseous at seeing everyone again. It was no secret what had happened and while you were safe inside your room, out there you would be opened to the prying eyes and gossip of everyone else. 

Could you handle it? What if it was too much? What if it was a disaster?

The contents of your stomach started to rise in your throat without warning and you barely had time to make it to the toilet before throwing it all up. It made your eyes sting as you gripped the bowl, blindly reaching for a towel to wipe your mouth as you slowly slid to the floor groaning.

Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to go tonight. If your nerves were already giving you this much trouble, you couldn’t imagine-

“Y/N?” Madja called from the bedroom, her voice laced with concern. Your brows furrowed in confusion as you quickly wrapped yourself in a robe and peeked out, surprised to see her already halfway across the room. 

“Madja? What are you doing here?” You asked as she seemed to examine you with her eyes, trying to decipher the look in her eyes. 

“Are you feeling okay?”

She must have heard you throwing up. “Yes, yes, I just was worried over Starfall tonight. It will be the first time I’ve been out in public since…” You trailed off, looking past her as the painful memory threatened to surge forward again. 

Madja watched as you closed your eyes and breathed through your nose, calming yourself, before opening them once more. “I’m okay, just feeling a little sick. Do you think I could have some tea to settle my stomach?”

“I…I don’t think that would be wise, child.” She answered, brushing past you and into the bathroom to turn off the water. “Nor this hot of a bath.”

“Madja I assure you I am fine, I just wanted to relax and-”

“That’s not what I am concerned about.” She interrupted, crossing her arms as the wrinkles around her face softened. “Y/N, do you know when the last time you bled was?”

“It was…” You began, stalling when you couldn’t recall. After your loss, you hadn’t had your cycle and thought it was normal, you were grateful for not having to go through it on top of the trauma you had already endured. 

But as Madja stood there, watching as you pieced together what she was asking, you stumbled back in disbelief, hitting the doorframe behind you. She immediately rushed forward, calling your name, but all you could hear were the screams and the sobbing of yourself and your mate.

“Y/N! Y/N!” She shouted, grabbing your face and making you meet her gaze. Your eyes were already welling up with tears once more, feeling as if your heart was about to fly out of your chest. “Y/N, you need to breathe. Breathe.”

Her hands were comforting as she grabbed one of your own and put it against her chest, letting you feel her breathe until you slowly started to match it. 

“Please…please tell me it’s not true.” You whimpered, your bottom lip quivering as she shushed you and placed her hand over your womb. It was a few minutes before she pulled back, her lips tightened as she only gave you a slight nod of confirmation. 

It felt as if the entire world was crashing down upon you. She did not stop as you buried your face into her neck, shaking in fear at the news. In your grief, you had only had a few brief moments of intimacy with your mate, mainly as a distraction to pull yourself out of the hole if only for a little while. 

Madja softly ran her fingers over your head, shushing you, like a mother to a child. She was usually professional with the rest of your family but after what she had witnessed with you, she looked after you more closely.

“I can’t do it again, Madja.” You cried, shaking your head. “I’m so afraid.”

“Hush now.” She soothed, rubbing small circles into your back. “I know it is frightening, the unknown and the known, but you are already farther along than with your last.”

You were shocked to hear that, pulling away to see if she was serious. All of the symptoms you had had before were missing but you supposed with how you had been feeling and how overwhelmed you were, you probably just brushed them off just as you had this morning.

She wiped away your tears and used her magic to examine you once more, taking in the position of the growing babe. “I cannot guarantee you there won’t be any problems, this will be a higher-risk pregnancy, but I do have faith in the Cauldron and my hands.”

“What if it happens again?” You whisper, placing your hand over your belly. “What if I lose them? What if there is something wrong with me? If I cannot carry this baby, Madja, I fear that I will not be able to handle another death. My soul is already weary.”

“If you go throughout this life always worried about the what-ifs, you will never live, child,” Madja spoke softly. “Be afraid, grieve, feel whatever it is you are feeling, but also rejoice in this news and try to find the light in the darkness. That is what this child is.”

You let her words stew in your head, trying to sort through each of your emotions one by one as she wrote down a time and date for you to come visit her. “We will be doing weekly meetings to check, and if you have any worries come find me.”

As she started to walk out the door you called out for her, fiddling with your fingers as you asked, “Can you not disclose this to Cassian? I want to tell him.”

Madja smiled and nodded, holding a finger to her lips, before disappearing from your sight. You walked backward until your knees hit the bed, sitting on the edge as you processed what had just happened.

Anger, worry, guilt, and hope were the four biggest emotions you were working through. Anger that your body had allowed this to happen after what happened with your first, worry that you would lose another child, guilt that you got pregnant again so soon and that you were replacing your first, and a small hope that you would actually get to bring a child into this world for you and Cassian to raise.

It was a lot. What would Cass say? Would he be angry at you, or would he be excited? What about everyone else? What if your first son, wherever he was, was angry with you for replacing him? Were you being irrational?

The sun was already high in the sky and since your mate wasn’t back yet, you knew he probably wouldn’t return until later tonight. You had to tell him soon, it was a miracle that he hadn’t been able to smell it on you already. 

Your bath was sure to be at least lukewarm by now so you decided to go ahead and start getting ready, finding yourself gazing at your stomach every time you passed the mirror and imagining who was inside you.

Later that day, 30 minutes to Starfall

The dress you put on was one you had worn before but it was still as beautiful. You had styled your hair in your favorite way, your makeup light, and your shoes comfortable. After making sure everything looked good, you turned to the side and stared at your abdomen once more. There was a small swell that you could easily hide if you tried.

You were dreading talking to Cassian, your mind racing with what could happen. Although he seemed more okay than you, you knew it was just a mask. He was grieving just as hard as you, tossing and turning at night and trying his best to hide the pain from you.

If he wasn’t happy with this…you didn’t know what you would do.

As the sun disappeared underneath the sea you finally found the courage to step out of the door, heading upstairs to the balcony where you could already hear the party starting. You had told him to meet you there when he tried to get you to walk out together, assuring him you just needed more time.

Your heart was beating as loud as your heels against the floor as you stepped out into the world for what felt like the first time in forever. Everyone was dressed beautifully, some of them conversing with each other while others were grazing the food table and bar. 

Thankfully no one looked toward you, gawking or pointing like in your nightmares. It took you a minute to find Cassian but when you did you beelined to him, blushing when he pulled you into his arms and kissed you sweetly.

“You look beautiful, princess.” He murmured against your lips, kissing you once more before pulling back. “I was worried you were going to miss the start. I think the first one just streaked across the sky.”

“Well, I’m glad I came when I did.” You replied, snuggling into his side as you glanced up at the sky. You heard your friends behind you, laughing about something, and you were thankful they hadn’t spotted you yet. 

You needed to tell him now, while you had alone time, but when you finally found the courage to speak everyone begin to cheer and toast as the first couple of souls appeared in blazing lights. It was enchanting to watch, distracting you for a moment as Cassian kissed your forehead. 

And as you stood there beside him, his arm wrapped around you while you were surrounded by the beauty of the night and the liveliness of the party, that small spark of hope grew brighter and brighter. It was like the Mother herself was assuring you everything was going to work out. 

“Cassian, I need to tell you something.” You said, turning to look at him. However, he seemed to be focused on something past the horizon. “Cassian?”

“Did you see that?” He asked breathlessly, his eyes wide in disbelief. “D-Did you see?”

“See what?” You turned to try and look at what he was staring at, only seeing the bright streaks of green. “I don’t see anything, Cass.”

“I swear, Y/N, I thought-” He paused, looking down at you with a mixture of happiness and sorrow. “One of the souls, I swear….”

You held your breath, your hand flying to your mouth as you squeezed his arm as hard as you could. There was no way, it couldn’t be. It was just your brain trying to make you feel better about your situation, he couldn’t have possibly seen what you thought he did.

Still, you couldn’t stop yourself as you whispered, “Our son?”

He nodded once, his large hand cupping your cheek as you drew in a shaky breath. “It could have been a trick of the light, or something else, but I saw a small soul, it looked like he had wings and I just felt it. It felt like him, Y/N.”

However you knew it wasn’t, you knew Cassian would never joke or say something like this unless he fully believed it. And hearing him say that, looking at into his eyes, you knew this was a sign. 

Your son had come down to visit you, he knew you needed him even if he never got to see you. It was destiny. 

You quickly grabbed his hand and placed it over your stomach, tears freely falling as your voice wavered. “No, no it wasn’t a trick Cass. It was him.” You affirmed, smiling more than you ever had before. “He came to tell me, to tell us, that everything will be okay.”

“What do you mean?” He breathed, his gaze flickering between you and your conjoined hands over your womb. “Is this…are you…?”

Cassian couldn’t even finish the sentence as you nodded, biting down on his bottom lip to stop himself from sobbing in front of everyone. You rubbed your thumb over his knuckles, laughing incredulously as you said, “He wanted to visit his sibling.”

It took two seconds for him to digest your news before you were lifted into the air and spun around in his arms, grinning as he hollered in delight before bringing you into a crushing kiss. You felt warmth blossom in your chest where you had thought it never would again, your fingers tangling in his hair.

Everyone was probably wondering what had happened but for the first time in a year, you didn’t care. You didn’t care about the worries of tomorrow or of others, about the what-ifs, all you cared about was now. 

Starfall had blessed you with your mate, your son, and your new babe all in one night. It was a happiness you never thought you would have again and you weren’t going to waste a moment of it. 

#acotar fic #acotar angst #starfall week fic #starfall week #cassian x reader #cassian x reader acotar #cassian x reader angst #cassian acotar #cassian #angst fic #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf

[kaeyx]

WONDERFUL BECAUSE I HAVE SOME IDEAS

now, i’m not sure how reader would get involved with vamp beastzai at all and i’m going the route where reader is a human, i think while it may be a cliche !! i think reader being sent to vamp beastzai as like a little sacrifice from the church makes room for so many delicious ideas !! you’re being sent to live with a terrifying creature, someone who’s got the entire CHURCH wrapped around his fingers and even worse his company is equally just as terrifying and intimidating ! i like to think vamp beastchuu is the first one to greet you, you know he has to make sure nothing on you is suspicious or weird. humans have all sorts of ideas and weird courage / ignorance, he can’t risk anything you have to understand

but since vamp beastchuu takes a more intimidating first role to you, vamp beastzai takes advantage of that. of course he does, he’s gonna lure you in with quiet and gentle words, you look so fragile and delicate like a little lamb :( he practically coos out everything to you so you’re not too scared ! don’t be too deceived though, he felt the strongest urge to lunge at you the moment you walked into his office because how sweet you smell… but he didn’t !! he just doesn’t wanna scare you too much right away !! it’s only more trouble if you try and get out this fast already, not that you’d be able to but still :( he’s trying his best to be so nice

i imagine him and chuuya to kind of have that aphrodisiac effect with their salvia to help their prey calm down first before they bite into them !!

safe to say, he grows obsessed with you pretty but quickly along with vamp beastchuu <3

also obsessed with the idea of vamp beastzai feeding on you while you’re completely blissed out and in a exposed position, then vamp beastchuu walking in, already feeling so hungry, vamp beastzai just encourages to have a taste of you for the first time ever and then they both get hooked on you aougshsh <3

(also. they both totally eat you out when you’re on your period. beastzai will literally BEG to have a taste.)

— 🎀

Oh I LOVE this, imagine being all wrapped up in pretty white lace and getting dropped off in the forest, having been carried there blindfolded so you can't find your way back to the village. It happens every year: a young, pretty thing gets picked and dolled up for the castle lord. Nobody has ever seen his face and lived to tell the tale, he's a cruel, vicious man that terrorises everyone in the vicinity and only sacrifices like this one can appease him.

Imagine the rumours that float around, everything from him wanting free maids to him eating every person they send him, all running around in your head as you stumble through the darkness. It's a new moon and you can't see anything, your feet get cut on rocks and branches and your clothes snag on twigs, cutting into your arms and legs. You've taken the blindfold off but it doesn't make any difference, you can't see the trail and you don't know where you are, shivering from the cold and stinging all over from an infinite number of little cuts. You feel like you're being watched, stalked through the night by wolves or a bear.... or something worse.

A hand covers your mouth and pinches your nose, not letting you scream. You're suddenly held against a lithe body, someone you don't know, his muscles rock hard under his clothes and his arms far too strong for how slim they are. You're going to die, right here, right now. Yelling is useless and so is kicking, it's like the person behind you can't even feel it. You're only let go when you give up, accepting your fate and beginning to sob quietly, limp in the monster's grip.

Only then are you turned around. He's a small man, with fiery hair and eyes that seem to glow despite there being no light. He's still holding your wrist so tight that your bones creak, and looking at you suspiciously. You're too frightened to say anything, even as he leans in and licks the blood from one of the cuts on your arm, savouring it like a fine wine before nodding.

"You'll do just fine, let's get you to the boss."

You never knew there was more than one of them, but he looks so angry and intimidating that you can't ask him any questions, even as he steers you through the dark trees. There's no path, but the man doesn't look like he needs one. A huge shadow hangs above your head, blotting out the stars, taller than the trees. It's a sturdy castle made of stone, the same one you remember seeing on the horizon from your home, looming over you and looking like it's going to swallow you whole.

The vampire steers you through the corridors, some huge and empty, others tiny and suffocating. You never see another person, and lose track of time and space with all the winding stairs and hidden doors. Your feet ache and your skin stings, blood soaking through your flimsy clothes and appearing in shocking blotches of dark red. Your legs hurt and you're out of breath by the time you're pulled through the final set of doors, huge and made of thick planks of wood.

"Chuuya, you're late."

There's another man, no- another monster, sitting in the room next to the tiny window. He's dressed in long, flowing black clothes and his dark hair hides the edges of his face. You can see the fangs on him too, peeking out from under his thin, pale lips. Chuuya, the one holding you, scoffs and pushes you forward.

"Not my fault shitty Dazai, ask them why they didn't stay put at the pickup spot," he growls. You think Chuuya might just be like that by default.

"Hello, lamb."

The second one, Dazai, speaks calmly. His voice is soft and soothing, like he's talking to an injured animal. Somehow none of it soothes you, there's an air about him that chills you far beyond anything the cold wind could ever manage. You stand, shivering, glued to the spot as he walks towards you and grabs your hand. His fingers are long and boney, and cold as ice. He lifts your arm almost like a waltz, his other hand slowly circling your waist and resting on the small of your back as his eye runs over you appreciatively. He looks like he wants to eat you.

You flinch, tensing up when he leans in, but Dazai only lowers his face to your neck and plants a soft kiss on your skin. As cold as you are, he's colder. His lips feel like ice. His tongue darts out and licks a long stripe up your neck, catching a few cuts on the way, and he groans. When Dazai looks at you again, his eyes carry a new hunger.

"You taste lovely, lamb."

#dazai.bsd #chuuya.bsd #vampire!dazai #vamp!beast!dazai #vamp!beast!chuuya #OKAY THIS GOT AWAY FROM ME AND I DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH ON ANYTHING ELSE YOU SAID BUT UGHHHH #i agree so much ESPECIALLY THE aphrodisiac saliva and the periods thing #🎀 anon #obsessed with this #chuuya x reader #dazai x reader #beastzai.bsd #beastchuu.bsd #vamp!chuuya

[mellowsadistic]

Mindy wailed and thrashed as her Nanny spanked her forcefully, aiming for the top of her thighs, what little of her bottom that wasn’t protected by her thick, crinkly, heavily loaded naptime nappy.

“Bad girl, Mindy!” Nanny scolded, “Very bad girl! You do not yell at Nanny, and you especially do not complain about your treatment!”

“Ow! Ow! Ow! STOP IT!” Mindy cried.

“You need to learn your lesson, little girl, “ Nanny continued sternly. “Your loss of night-time bladder and bowel control is a good thing. Waking up with a soaked and stinky diaper sagging from your bottom shows that our regression training methods are working.”

“But I don’t want them to work!” Mindy shrieked. “I don’t wanna be some big baby freak!”

Nanny’s arm began swinging down with all her might, smacking against the skin of Mindy’s rapidly reddening bottom with so much force that the girl’s squealing doubled in volume. “BAD GIRL!” she shouted. “VERY BAD GIRL! You’re here to be punished, young lady! The court sentenced you to four years as a two-year-old, but since you were too proud to allow your boyfriend to treat you accordingly, he had no choice but to enrol you here! State-run discipline nurseries have a 100% success rate at putting regressed girls in their place, and you’re not going to be any exception, missy! A big baby is exactly what you’re going to be!”

“OW! OWIE! PLEASE!” Mindy begged, tears streaming down her face. Her bottom hurt so badly. She didn’t even know what she was begging for. For the spanking to stop? For her adulthood back? To be let out of the discipline nursery and get sent back to her loving boyfriend? How could she have pushed him to enrol her here? If she could turn back time, she would. Who cared if she had to live like a two-year-old, to have her boyfriend change her wet and messy nappies, to have him feed her and bathe her and burp her like a baby, if this was the alternative? Spending her time playing with baby toys and dancing along to toddler songs, and spending hours a day gazing into those screens, swirling colours and faint music that infiltrated your head and whispered to you.

Mindy could never remember the exact words, but the results were clear. After a few days she noticed her bladder and bowel control beginning to weaken, her hands becoming slightly uncoordinated, her walk turning into more of a toddle – and when she’d asked the nursery staff if it could be reversed, they’d only smirked at her.

And now she’d woken up from her nap to find her nappy absolutely drenched, and worse, packed with a yucky mess that she certainly didn’t remember making. The evil bitches at the discipline nursery had turned her into some kind of oversized two-year-old who filled her diapers in her sleep!

“Once we drop you off with your boyfriend at the end of your training, you’ll be a completely different girl!” Nanny said happily, not letting up with her furious swats. “Just like your little friends that are almost done with their conditioning!”

Mindy sobbed and screamed and kicked her legs over her Nanny’s lap. She couldn’t become one of them. She couldn’t! Not those dim-witted baby-women she shared the nursery school with, the diaper-dependent losers with their adult minds still more or less present, but so heavily conditioned with spankings and hypnosis and all the other foul training methods the nursery employed, that they may as well have had their personalities reverted back to toddlerhood – nothing but babbling, screeching, pants-wetting babies in the bodies of beautiful young women.

Mindy wanted to fight it. She couldn’t think of anything worse than ending up like one of them. But it was hard to think straight when her bottom was blazing like it was on fire. She couldn’t help herself. It was just too horrible! She wanted it to stop! She needed Nanny to stop!

“I’m sowwy, Nanny!” she wailed, hating how easily the baby talk came to her. Another gift of the hypnosis programs. “Baby was just cwanky ‘cause she did a poo-poo!” She cringed with shame as she said it, but she knew it was what Nanny wanted to hear. She wasn’t complaining because she was being turned into an oversized toddler who waddled around in full Pampers all day. She was just being cranky. “Pwease, Nanny!” she sobbed.

And then, mercifully, Nanny did.

“That’s a good girl,” she cooed, her voice soft and sweet, but with a definite note of condescending satisfaction. “What a good baby. Well done for taking your punishment, little Mindy. I’m sure you’re right. You were just being a little cranky because of your yucky, stinky nappy! But I’m afraid I’m not going to change you anytime soon, sweetheart. Babies need to get used to being in full diapers. You need to learn that you’ll be changed at an adult’s convenience, not when it’s convenient for you. Is that clear?”

“Yes Nanny,” Mindy whimpered.

“Good girl! Now let’s get you over to the playroom. We’ve got some lovely programs for you to watch this afternoon. Isn’t that nice?”

Mindy sobbed and sniffled, but didn’t resist as she was led off to sit in front of the television in the nursery’s main room alongside all the other infantilised women, to stare into the screen and allow herself to slip further and further into her new life.

#mellowsadistic

[rainbowmilk]

Hii I love the way u write the treech and reader storys and I was wondering if u can make a romantic lamina and treech story💗💗 thank youuu

A/n: Aww thank you!! I struggled to write Lamina, not gonna lie, but I think it turned out okay.

Warnings: angst

Paring: Treech x Lamina

Word Count: 849

“Lamina!” Treech called up to her. “Come down, you’re going to be late!”

He would have thought she hadn’t heard him if he hadn’t seen her eyes flit down to him. Realizing she wasn’t climbing down, Treech latched onto one of the branches and began climbing up to where Lamina was sitting.

“C’mon, it’s Reaping Day. You gonna show up with leaves in your hair again,” Treech said, flicking a strand of her hair.

Lamina, ever soft-spoken, replied, “I’ll be down soon. Just need a minute.” She turned back to staring at the sky. Treech couldn't understand why she liked looking at it, but it made her happy.

Treech could sense she wasn’t in the mood to talk. Lamina always took Reaping Day hard. He decided it’d be best to give her space, “All right, I’m off, see you after.” He said, patting her knee before beginning to climb down.

When he reached the ground, he was out of breath. He honestly did not know how Lamina could climb so high. Making his way back to the trail, he wondered if he should stop by the market and pick up something nice for dinner. It’d be a nice way to celebrate.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

When he arrived home, a warm bath was waiting for him. He scrubbed off the grime that collected while he was out and about. It always surprised Treech how much could accumulate out in the forest.

When finished, he slips on one of his dressier shirts and a worn gray blazer. While he’s adjusting his appearance in the mirror, his mom walks up behind him.

“You look handsome,” his mom says, pinching his cheek affectionately.

A smile stretched across Treech’s face, making him feel like a young boy again.

His mom walked over to the dresser, pulling out his dad’s old hat, “I want you to wear this,” she said as she placed it on his head.

Feeling choked up, Treech nodded, pulling his mom into a hug, “I’ll see you after.”

Walking out the door, he followed the rest of District 7 to the reaping

square. Having to stand in the crowded square was his least favorite part of the reaping…well, besides possibly getting picked. Treech’s thoughts couldn’t help but trail to Lamina; she hated crowds more than him, and he wondered how she was holding up.

Treech scanned the crowd for her. He spotted her near the edge of the girl section. Fear is plastered across her face as she fidgets nervously. “Nothing bad is going to happen to you.” Treech wishes he could whisper to her.

After what feels like an eternity, the mayor steps on stage and begins to read. Treech doesn’t bother to pay attention anymore; it's the same story every year. He only tunes back in when it’s time to draw the girls’ names.

The mayor reached in and dug through the slips of paper before pulling one out. He crossed back over to the microphone and read out the name, Lamina. You could’ve heard a pin drop. It was so silent.

Someone might as well have punched him in the stomach. He can’t breathe. The mayor must’ve read the slip wrong, Treech repeated like a mantra. They can’t have called Lamina. He almost convinced himself that was the case until a familiar auburn stumbled out of the crowd.

Treech felt the panic rising in his chest. He’d never felt this helpless before. She looked so fragile standing on the stage. He nearly sobbed when he saw she did have leaves in her hair. Everything in him was screaming at him to grab her and shield her from all the bad in the world.

Lamina couldn’t die for them. He won’t be able to handle watching her become another unwilling sacrifice for the Capitol.

Please, don’t take her away from me.

He was too lost in thought to even notice when the mayor moved on to the boys until he heard his name ringing across the square. A numbness settled in him; he felt as if he were in a dream, looking down on everything, not even in control of his body as he made his way to the stage.

Once on stage, he thinks that he’s never felt more exposed. The entirety of District 7’s eyes are on him. Next to him, he can feel Lamina’s sobs coming out in full force. Wanting to provide some comfort, he reached his hand for her to hold. She took it and gripped it as if it were her lifeline.

His own tears threatened to spill out. They were being sent to the Hunger Games. Oh god, he doesn't want to die…not like this.

He was too in shock to even fight back when the Peacekeepers dragged them off stage and tossed them towards the station. Lamina surprised him, though she fought them every step of the way, squirming against their grip.

Despite her struggle and his lack thereof, it didn’t matter because the Peacekeepers shoved them inside a cattle cart and locked the doors, leaving them in the dark.

#tbosas #treech tbosas #lamina tbosas #treech #treech x lamina #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #the hunger games #district 7

[call-memissbrightside]

Smother

Part Two | Part Three |TW: mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts, verbal abuse, NSFW themes, depression and isolation.

The sound of the front door lock clicking makes you scramble into bed. Pulling the covers up to your ears, you pretend to be asleep. Heavy footsteps can be heard throughout the empty house you share a home with Bakugou. You count his steps from the front door, up the stairs and into the bedroom. Closing your eyes, you hear him come to your side of the bed, and stops.

A handful of heartbeats passes before he moves on, the click of the attached bathroom door soon after. You sit up when you hear the shower turn on, the smell of smoke lingering where your boyfriend stood near you. Anxiety riddles your stomach with aches, and you have the overwhelming thought that Katsuki is mad at you.

He probably got a concerning call from friends that you didn’t show up to their weekly game night, again. You promised him you’d try this week, to get out of bed and just attempt to go through the motions of a normal life. Yet, the idea of being around people and needing to smile and pretend that you’re okay was draining. So, you stayed inside all day, again, and watched as the hours blurred together and you couldn’t help the bad thoughts riddle you with the feeling that you’re wasting so much time and taking up space that made you want to do something to stop feeling so blue. Something horrible.

Katsuki is at a lost with you and your issues. He picked up early in the relationship that you were emotional and prone to having bad days, but this was ridiculous. A whole month, and you couldn’t get out of bed, you couldn’t socialize, you barely remembered to shower or make an effort to actually be his girlfriend. You just laid there on the bed, rotting.

The hero let the stinging hot water spray over his body, the pain of a hard day of heroes work finally catching up with him. Bakugou pushed back his wet hair from his forehead, sighing. He was stressed, about work and you. Truthfully, he didn’t know what to do anymore. He was high strung, and wasn’t even thinking when he grabbed his hard cock and began jerking off. It’d been weeks since he’d have sex, you wouldn’t even look at him, much less touch him. It didn’t take him long to finish, groaning lowly. He felt pathetic, he was a successful young man with a promising future ahead of him yet he limited himself to stress induced wanking, when he could have any bitch he wanted. Katsuki chose you, because he fell in love with you. What changed? He doesn’t remember anything happening a month prior that would induce a comatose-like state. You tried explaining it to him yesterday, how you just woke up and couldn’t picture your future anymore and just felt a heavy weight on your chest that wouldn’t ease up. You tried apologizing about the tears that seemed to never stop, about being distant and not attentive to him.

“I’m just going through a rough time,” you cried when he confronted you about your mental state.

“What is so wrong with your life?” Katsuki was shaking, scared shitless because he’s never seen you breakdown like this before.

You’re taken back by his question. “What?”

He’s shaking, he’s so angry. “I don’t fucking get you. I provide for you, I work so fucking hard to make sure you have everything and you’re-you’re an ungrateful bitch!”

You sob, taking in his brutal words even though your heart is shattering.

“I take you to see a shrink, I help you remember take those pills that are suppose to cheer you up. I let you cry on shoulder, again and again. What more can I do?” He’s screaming at this point, his loudness making you fold into yourself for shelter. His palms are slick with sweat and you worry his quirk will go off.

“You’re fucking smothering me, with all your mood swings and your fucking crying.” Bakugou knew he needed to stop, he should’ve, but he just couldn’t.

“I go out there all day and be a hero!” He pulls at his hair. “I hate coming home to your bullshit after a long day.”

His words echoed throughout your head after your fight, Bakugou crashing on the couch as his self-punshiment. He could hear you cry all night, and the young man did feel bad but he just didn’t know what to do anymore. You begged him not to get other people involved, to not worry them with issues that didn’t concern them. Katsuki agreed, because he didn’t want people to see you that weak when he knew you were strong. Yet, that made him the sole support system for you, and Katsuki was running out of patience.

The following morning, he was careful when he bid you goodbye for the day. His calloused hand traced your cheek, guilt crashing into him at how red they were from your crying.

“Mina and Kirishima want you at their house for game night, will you try to go? For me?” He asked in a whisper.

Sniffling, you nodded but deep down you both knew you wouldn’t go.

The water turns cold when he shuts it off. You lay down, under the covers again when he steps back into the bedroom. The bed groans at the added weight, blankets shifting as Bakugou joins you in bed. You feel his body heat, so close but he doesn’t move to embrace you like he always did.

“I love you Katsuki.” You try to mend his temper, his disappointment in you. He once told you that he’d always love you, though thick and thin. You pray he was telling you the truth.

Katsuki stares up at the ceiling, the reflection of passing car lights bouncing across the wall.

I love you too, he thinks but can’t find the strength to say out loud.

You turn away from him, rejection stinging as you silently cry because your inner thoughts were correct, he can’t stand you anymore.

Bakugou doesn’t cuddle with you, doesn’t pull your shaking body towards his for comfort. He’s tired. He’s drained. He turns away from you, yanking the blanket to cover his broad shoulder, grinding his teeth as the sound of you crying puts him to sleep.

The light from the bathroom is what wakes him up, annoyance blossoming quickly as Katsuki sits up in bed.

“(Y/N),” He calls out, rubbing his eyes. The alarm clock next to the bed reads it’s a quarter past 3 in the morning. Groaning, Katsuki gets up to turn off the light.

“(Y/N), I have to get sleep for work, I go in at six remember?” He stops in the doorway, noticing you laying by the tub. Katsuki takes in his pale you look, and notice how the the bathmat is stained red. His eyes follow the trail and his stomach drops when he sees the razor beside you and the long self-inflicted cuts across your wrists. The same wrists he loved to kiss when you’d caress his face.

His hero training kicks in, and Bakugou gathers you in his arms. Shaking, he checks to see that you still have a weak pulse but the long cuts on your arms were still gushing. He’s surprised how warm your blood feels as he presses his hands against your injuries.

Bakugou is crying, yelling out your name in disbelief.

“Stay with me, baby please stay with me,” he sobs as he tries to stop the bleeding.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N) I’m so fucking sorry.” He feels like a hopeless child as he dials 911, screaming for help as he holds your limp body tight against his chest.

“I love you,” He chants, kissing your forehead and wetting you with his tears.

“Please don’t leave, I’m so fucking sorry.” Guilt is a son of a bitch, and it’s eating Katsuki alive as EMS rushes in and takes you away. He rides in the ambulance, holding your hand as he prays that you make it through the night.

Blinded by his fear, Bakugou didn’t read the simple note you wrote for him.

I’m sorry I smothered you

#bakugou x reader #bnha bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo x y/n #katsuki x reader #mha bakugou #mha angst #bakugou x reader angst

[red-panda-agere]

Regressor! Chuuya Nakahara

(These are all just personal headcanons of mine and I project onto Chuuya quite a lot, and have for a very long time, sorry if this feels “out of character” or anything. Also, this is sort of an au where Dazai and Chuuya share an apartment or something.)

(Also- to the few IRLs who now have access to my Tumblr, I warned you, and I’m so sorry-)

(!¡!Pull-up/Diaper/Accident mention!¡!)

Chuuya really likes sharks and has a shark plushie that Dazai won for him from a claw machine at the arcade they used to go to. (His name is Finn, but Chuuya refuses to admit he named it.)

He also has a lot of space themed stuff, like those glow in the dark stars that you put on your wall, and one of those moon nightlights.

Very prone to accidents, especially with all of the nightmares he has, and often has pull-ups that he keeps hidden under his bed. He really wants to wear diapers, thinking they’d be more comfortable and with as young as his headspace is, it would help him feel comfortable in that aspect to. However, he would never consider it, refusing to accept he’s anything but a ‘big boy.’ (Unless Dazai coaxes him into it or catches him at a really vulnerable moment.)

You’d think he’d be really difficult during changes, but he gets so embarrassed he just freezes. He wants to argue and kick but he doesn’t want to even talk about the current situation the two are in, and physically can’t without getting unbelievably embarrassed to the point he’ll cry, so he just freezes and lays still for Dada.

Tends to have nightmares about being abandoned by Dazai or his old friends being killed right in front of him. When he wakes up from one, he’s usually immediately a sobbing mess and will cling to Dazai and Finn like he’ll die without them. These tend to result in a large total of accidents.

“It’s alright Chibi. Dada’s here little buddy. I’m not going anywhere.” He holds him close, revisiting the struggle he’d previously endured when just trying to settle Chuuya down for the night. He’d hardly gotten him to sleep before, now after that awful nightmare, they’d probably be up until Chuchu wore himself out and even after that. He’d start to try to lay Chuuya down and he’d scream and cry, clinging tighter to Dazai. “DADA NO! NO LEAVING! YOU HAVE TO STAY!” The fussy regressor would sob. Dazai would lay down next to him, pulling him in close. “Calm down baby…I’m not going anywhere sweetheart.” He slid a pastel yellow blanket and Finn into his arms, then offering up a paci as well. “Shhh…” he’d gently coo, lips right above his head.

Chuuya doesn’t really know how old he is when regressed, but he’s nowhere above three, but can get very itty bitty, even so little the only word he’ll use is “Dada.” Even then, he just says “Da!”

Gets very embarrassed about regressing, ESPECIALLY since Dazai is the only one who he’s told about it. Dazai is the only person he trusts enough to know about it, while simultaneously fearing that he’s went and told everyone about it, or will use it against him like the bet they made as kids where Chuuya is ‘his dog’ and will do things like use a ‘snobby rich girl voice’ in conversations. Of course Dazai would never do that with such a delicate situation, but the fear is there.

Requires lots of praise and reassurance.

When Dazai left the mafia, Chuuya didn’t celebrate like he claims he did at all, he silently sobbed into Finn, holding the shark tight. He never sleeps without it now.

His favorite pacifier is a baby blue one with small stars and a crescent moons design on it. It has a matching paci clip that tends to be clipped to Finn’s dorsal fin. Dazai has only lost it once, and when they needed it, it was not a fun situation for either parties.

Chuuya tries to regress with any free time he has while Dazai has work. Being an executive, that time is hard to find, so he usually ends up regressing while Dazai is home. Even though he’s so accepting and even taken on the role of a caregiver for him, he still tries to hide any and all vulnerability, and usually panics at first, every time Dazai finds or gets him little.

Regresses involuntary almost every time he uses Corruption. If he doesn’t pass out immediately, he’s in so much physical and mental distress when he’s finished with the fight that all he can do is sob to Dazai, telling his Dada he wants to go home, while the brunette’s brow furrows a bit over the redhead’s wet pants. He shivers against Dazai before inevitably passing out, exhausted.

-He tends to have accidents a lot after literally allowing his entire body to be corrupted and attack in a mindless rage.

-Even further, he probably struggles to regress sometimes because he has to let go so much, and let his guard down so much that it can allow his Special Ability to act on its own, sometimes even causing him to experience corruption. Dazai is always nearby during this, quickly nullifying it. This is only an occasional thing though when he’s trying to willingly regress.

Chuuya is usually a fussy and grumpy baby. Clingy and needy, but pouts at everything and whines a lot. Too stubborn for his own good.

-Will probably cry and cry until he’s held but then will fuss, wanting to be set down because “he’s a big boy.” Dazai knows better though. Even casually, he’ll try to act big and pretend he’s a “big boy” and even if Dazai knows otherwise, he’ll play along with him.

“Alright Chuuya! If ya say so! But I was so hoping I’d get to see my little star when I got home! Oh well! Guess we can have a tea party another day! I had some paperwork I need to get in anyways!” But before he walks off, Chuuya grabs his hand. “…tea party?” He asks with a flushed face. Dazai smiles slyly. “Mhm! A tea party with all my baby’s favorite stuffies! But he’s not here right now, so it’ll have to wait for now! Siiiiiigh!” Chuuya whimpers, squeezing his hand. He doesn’t want to say he’s regressed, but he also doesn’t have to. Dazai opens his arms for a hug, and Chuuya slinks into his arms, pressing his face on his chest, hiding in his hands. “And we’d make sugar cookies! And I bought his favorite strawberry milk! I heard Finn was excited too! Such a shame!” As he says this, he’s already lifting up a regressed Chuuya into his arms. “You’re so mean” little Chibi grumbles with a small sniffle. “Hi baby…” Dazai whispered.

Very sensitive and hard on himself. If Dazai even tells him with a gentle tone that he can’t do something, he’ll be completely disappointed in himself and sit himself in the corner, punishing himself. Of course Dazai won’t let that stand, and he’s quick to coax his baby back into his arms.

He clenches his jaw, bites his lips and cheeks, and even grits his teeth when he’s angry or stressed. This tends to end up in a lot of pacis getting bitten through, so there’s always a spare somewhere. Dazai tries to offer alternatives like chewelry or teether toys. This usually ends up in Chuuya just becoming extremely embarrassed with his behavior and being very scared to use his pacis. Like most of his little things, it takes a lot of coaxing and encouragement for Chuuya to feel comfortable enough to use them.

They go on lots of aquarium trips when Chuuya is regressed. His favorite thing is the shark tank tunnel, and always insists all the sharks are his friends.

He also really enjoys arcades and has a fixation with claw machines.

His favorite nicknames are “little star” “little prince” “Chibi” (by Dazai only) “Chuchu” “little pup” (like a shark) and “little buddy”

Prefers sleeper onsies because they cover his legs, and he doesn’t like looking at his scars.

He has a LOT of Tuxedo Sam merchandise, including a sippy cup and a throw blanket that he loves to carry around when little.

Very well behaved in the bath, and likes playing with a bunch of shark bath toys. He thinks bath bombs are silly, and bath crayons are one of the best inventions known to man. Dazai always puts a towel in the drier for Chuuya for when he gets out.

Has one of those special play tents that he hides in when he’s feeling shy. It has a lot of pillows and blankies in it so it’s basically just a cozy little “hide-y hole” for whenever he needs it.

Doesn’t really care for coloring books, but loves drawing

Knows an absurd amount of shark facts, and talks about them nonstop when regressed. He will explain in detail why he thinks Dazai would like a certain kind of shark.

Despises thunderstorms, and will throw a fit if he’s alone during it. Even just waking up to storms is enough to bring him to absolutely hysterical sobbing. Dazai has special headphones for him to wear during storms, but he doesn’t like the way they feel on his ears, so he just continues to throw a fit.

Very shy about it, but loves being bottle-fed. He would deny wanting to and never EVER ask, but he loves it when Dada lets him fall asleep in his lap while being babied in such an intimate way.

Dazai is usually his caregiver, but if he’s also feeling small, Chuuya only trusts Kunikida to see him like that. They both refer to him as “Kiki.”

#agere #age regression #sfw #fandom agere #sfw babyre #agere community #sfw cglre #sfw interaction only #babyre #agere headcanons #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungou stray dogs Chuuya #chuuya nakahara #bsd chuuya #bungou stray dogs agere

[fand0mh03]

Escaping Kai Anderson (and failing)

Kai is an abusive man. He’s selfish, and just an asshole

This isn’t any new information

However, he’s extremely manipulative, so he knows just how to play you 

He knows it, and uses that to his advantage 

He’ll yell and scream, throw things around, get into your face, all until you’re in a ball on the ground, unable to breathe from how much you’re sobbing. Then he’ll get down on your level and give you attention, and be gentle, loving. 

This is how he keeps you. It’s a cycle of hatred and getting ready to leave, and he knows when you get like this, then he’ll give you love, which convinces you to stay

It’s a game. A sick twisted game. It makes you wonder if he even loves you, which he does, he’s just… a sociopath 

Which brings us to leaving, and him finding out

It had been one time where he brought you along on a cult mission, and wanted you to kill a young girl

She was not older than 14, yet Kai thought she had to be killed

You disagreed. Strongly. She was just a child, what had she ever done?

So you refused. You couldn’t do that. Not to her. Not a child

This pissed Kai off. Greatly. You dare disobey your divine ruler?! After everything he’s done for you?

How selfish. Anyways

He glared at you, and proceeded to shoot the poor girl’s head

You sobbed and tried to stop him beforehand, making him even more angry with you, but he shoved you away, Winter catching you so you didn’t fall to the ground

She wrapped her arms around your waist to stop you from running up to him

He didn’t talk to you until you got back to the house. Winter had gone upstairs, knowing a fight would be breaking out soon, and you had tried to walk upstairs, not being able to shake the events of earlier off, but Kai grabbed your wrist before you could move away from him

You turned to face him, your tears glistening under the light. 

“What the fuck, Y/N?” He scolded, calmly, which scared you, since you knew the storm was coming

“I-“

“You’re so fucking stupid! I knew you couldn’t do it, because you’re fucking weak.” He screamed at you, pushing you down onto the ground and placing his hand around your throat

He continued to yell at you for what seemed like hours, his grip on your throat only tightening, your breaths becoming more shallow

“Kai- Kai, stop,” you choked out, sure you were turning purple, afraid that he wouldn’t stop

He grunted and pulled you up, making you gag

He released you and stormed down to the basement stairs away from you

You watched as he ran off, hyperventilating from being choked

You closed your eyes as hot tears escaped your eyes and ran down your cheeks

He had choked you. Another minute and he could have killed you. All because you didn’t want to kill a child

Enough is enough, and you knew that, so you went up to his room that you and him shared, and grabbed a bag

You didn’t have a lot of stuff over at Kai’s house, so you mainly packed essentials such as hygiene supplies like a tooth brush and deodorant, and the small amount of clothes you had over

As you unplugged the phone charger and put your phone in your bag, you zipped up the backpack and headed downstairs, but before you could make it, Winter’s voice stopped you

“What are you doing?” She asked from the door of her room, looking at you skeptically

“I’m leaving, Winter. He choked me. He screamed at me. He’s a monster. I can’t stay,” you told her, your voice quiet and rushed, afraid of what would happen if he heard you

She looked at you with pity in her eyes, nodded her head, and closed the door to her room. You thanked her  in your mind

You crept down the stairs, despite the creaking and groaning that made it hard to sneak out

You made your way to the door, your hand on the doorknob to leave this hell hole once and for all, until a familiar voice stopped you, freezing you in your tracks

“Where do you think you’re going?” The cold, harsh voice asked, the voice you’ve come to become accustomed to, since it was yours boyfriends

A shiver ran down your spine as you slowly turned around to face him, your heart beating so loudly against your chest, you were sure he could hear it

“I’m leaving, Kai,” you stated firmly, you weren’t staying and that’s the only thing you were sure of

“So you don’t love me anymore? After all I’ve done for you?” He stated, his voice breaking

But you knew better then to believe him 

“Kai, stop it. I’m leaving, you treat me like shit and I’m sick of it.” Holding your ground was something your not used to , especially with Kai

He frowned, making you uneasy

“Alright. Go on then”

He said nonchalantly, taking a sit on the couch

You sighed out of relief and turned to grab the door knob to leave. Forever.

As you opened the door, you felt something pull you back, making you lose your balance and fall against Kai’s chest

You turned around angrily, about to release a string of curses towards Kai, but he swings you up and over his shoulder, dropping your bag on the ground as he does so

“How stupid of you to think you could really leave me,” he chuckled darkly as he walked up the stairs

You banged at his back, desperately trying to leave and escape him

“Goddamnit, Y/N! Stop fucking doing that!” He shouted at you, making you quit your actions and dropping your body down onto him, letting out a sob in defeat 

He slammed open the door to his room, and threw you onto the bed

“I will change the fucking locks. I can’t believe you really thought you could leave me,” he scoffed, sitting across from you in a chair

“Kai you can’t hold me here, let me leave you fuckward,” you screamed at him, frustration getting the best of you 

He grinned and sat back

He then got up and walked out of the room, locking the door behind him

You got up and banged against the door

“LET ME OUT KAI, WHAT THE FUCK” you screamed at him, begging to be let out

#Ahs #american horror story #ahs cult #american horror story cult #Evan peters #evan peters x reader #evan peters imagines #kai anderson #kai Anderson x reader #kai Anderson imagines #Kai is so daddy

[book-place]

To the Moon and Back

Part 2 -> Meet Fatherhood

Warnings: moon knight episode 5 and 6 spoilers!!!, cursing (?), character death, violence, implied child abandonment, weapons, adoption, all Arabic comes from google translate, let me know if I missed any :)

Pairings: Marc Spector x daughter reader, Layla El Faouly x daughter reader, little bit of Steven Grant x reader platonic

Request: I got a platonic mk x reader request!!! How about Marc x avatar reader where the reader was like Marc and Layla's adopted kid from the Philippines where they met during one of Marc's mercenary missions. After Marc left to persue harrow the reader becomes mayari's avatar (goddess of the moon in the Philippines) and reunites with him after joining Layla to Egypt (after much persistince to go). Make it as angsty as you want or not....

(I hope this is what you were looking for! I changed it a bit- sorry. Also, I’m not familiar with Mayari so I did the best I could and did a little bit of research)

Request by: @queenotaku23

*not my gif*

Summary: For the longest time it had just been the three of you, your little family. But then one day changes that forever

A/N: Second Moon Knight request!! Hope you enjoy :)

Please don’t plagiarize my work, you may reblog if you like but I’m asking that you don’t steal my hard work

As the shot rang out through the vast room, all you could do was stand frozen in shock and horror as your blood ran colder than the moon.

The sound was deafening, but you could still hear everything. The grunt of a man. The sound of splashing as a body hit the water. The sound of heavy breathing. But above all, your own heartbeat that rang above all the other sounds. Louder. Clearer.

You barely registered as your mothers sobbing form took you into her arms, pulling you to her chest so that she could try and comfort you.

But no tears fell out of your eyes, you couldn’t wrap your mind around it. Any of it.

Your father couldn’t be dead. Your strong, brave father, Marc Spector.

Or your other father, the kind and gentle one, Steven Grant. The one that you had only met a few days ago, but formed a deep attachment with nonetheless.

How had this happened? Just moments ago you were running through the halls of the tomb, more than certain that you and your family would beat Arthur Harrow to Ammit, then all of you could finally find peace.

Then the next thing you knew, you heard your mothers outraged screaming and then your fathers deep and calm-even in the middle of a crisis, but still partially desperate- voice trying to coax her away from the room.

Then you had run in, just in time for Marc to gently push you towards your mother, telling her to take care of you, barely having time to give you a gentle kiss on the crown of your head before ushering you and Layla out of sight.

He had been so prepared to fight to the death for the two of you. Make sure that you guys got out of there okay, and it ended up being the last thing he would ever do.

It was a battle that he had lost.

Marc had found you eleven years earlier on one of his mercenary missions and back then you were just a young, four year old, child who had no family and nobody to turn to for help.

Without knowing it, you immediately captured the normally cold man’s heart and he took you under his wing right away, giving you a place to stay and food to eat.

That was before Layla had come along, and when she did, you looked up to her almost right away and she quickly began loving you like a daughter.

It wasn’t perfect, but you guys were quick to make a small family of each other. A family that loved one another, no matter what.

It was as if you were watching from a far as Layla gently took you by the shoulders and kissed the crown of your head, trying to silence her soft sobs the best she could.

You just looked up at her with a pale face and wide eyes, mouth dropped slightly open.

Then without warning, or meaning to, you harshly pushed away from her and sprinted to where your father had been standing just a moment before.

Ignoring her whisper shouts for you to come back, you made a beeline to the water right behind the sarcophagus, and when you saw what was there, your knees gave out from underneath you in sheer horror.

Marc’s body lay there, half in, and half out of the water, his eyes closed, and half open mouth still. Not a muscle in his body moved.

A sob escaped your lips for the first time, now that you were looking at him, “Dad,” you shook him a little, as if trying to wake him up, “Come on, dad, please. Dad!”

Your mother quickly came up from behind you and caught you just before you collapsed again, and began shushing you even though she too was crying.

The salty tears streamed down your face, one after another, like an endless waterfall of sorrow.

After a moment, Layla gently tapped your shoulder to let you know that she was going to let go, and moved towards her husband with a shaky figure.

Once she took a long breath, she gently pushed Marc into the water, as if afraid he were made of glass.

Your sobbing continued, but did quiet down a bit when you came to your senses and realized that Harrow was still most likely in one of the mazes of halls somewhere and might still hear you.

You watched as Layla slowly stood up and then helped you up as well, “Come on,” she whispered tearfully, “We have to go.”

You couldn’t even give him a proper funeral.

With that you went back to your barely-registering-anything-state, and allowed your mother to lead you out of the tomb without complaint.

Not a word was passed between either of you as you got into a cab that brought you guys back to your hotel room.

It was only once you got into the room that she finally spoke up, “I’m going to go out for a while, sweetie. I need you to stay here.”

On a normal day, you would’ve fought against her and insisted that you go where she was going. Because on a normal day you would’ve known her, and you would’ve known where she was going. To face Arthur Harrow, alone.

But you didn’t have the energy to think or comprehend what she had said to you as you numbly nodded.

She quickly bent down to your height as you sat on the bed, staring at the floor, and she moved her face so that you were looking at her, “I need you to promise me that you will stay in this room. No matter what.”

Again you just nodded, but when she gave you a slightly stern look, you mumbled, “I promise.”

She seemed to visibly relax when hearing that, “Thank you, sweetie.”

Giving you a quick kiss on the forehead, and grabbing a couple of things, she scurried out of the room, making sure that the door locked behind her.

She was only okay with leaving you alone because she knew that Arthur and his followers would be somewhere looking for Ammit, meaning she could keep them as far away from you as possible.

That and there was plenty of food in the mini fridge for you to last a few days.

You sat in the same spot that she had left you for hours, staring blankly at the spot on the peeling beige colored wall.

Then suddenly, without warning, it was if a gust of wind had just blown through the room at full force and brought a huge dust patch with it, but the widows weren’t even open.

Your wide eyes traveled over to where Khonshu then stood in the place that the dust patch and been, and though you had never actually seen him, you knew enough Egyptology to know who he was.

“Little Spector.” The god greeted.

“What do you want?” Your voice came out hollow, as if you were done with everything and everyone.

“I need your help, you need to become my avatar.” The bird replied, his tone impatient and restless.

You scoffed, “And why would I ever do that?”

“Because the world is in danger.” He said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“I think enough Spectors have been taken from the world today because of you and your stupid war.” Anger suddenly replaced that emptiness that you had been feeling all afternoon.

“Your mother is in danger.”

This made you pause where you were, halfway standing up as you were ready to match over and yell at the skeleton looking bird.

He could see that he had gotten you to pause and took that to his advantage, “An avatar is needed so that Ammit and Harrow can be stopped.” He insisted.

“I will not be your avatar.” You made sure to make yourself clear as you made up your mind, “But I will be someone else’s avatar. Anybody else, I don’t care. As long as it’s not you.” You spat out the last word like venom.

Khonshu paused, studying you for a moment, “You are brave, Little Spector… I know the perfect goddess for you to host.”

With that the dust and wind appeared again but gone as soon as it came without a trace, leaving you to wonder if any of that had really just happened.

“Y/n Spector.” A smooth and melodic voice suddenly rang out in your head after a moment, “I am Mayari, goddess of the moon and ruler of the night.”

The name rang a bell to you, when your mother had taught you years ago about Philippine mythology. You were originally from the Philippines before Marc found you, and Layla found it very important to teach you about the culture of where you came from. And you had always really appreciated that.

“Khonshu has informed me of the situation,” she continued, “And if what he says is true, then I need your help just as much as you need mine. So, do you, Y/n Spector, swear to withhold the legacy of the moon, and promise to keep the stars shining bright?”

You hesitated, knowing what being an avatar had done to your father and Steven, but then their cold, dead body flashed through your mind, and your mothers sobbing face, and you hesitated no longer, “I do.”

With that, you felt a wind around you, not a harsh and cold one like when Khonshu had entered the room, but a slow and refreshing one.

It swept around you like you were at the center of a tornado, and when it stopped, you no longer stood in your busted up hiking boots and ratty old t-shirt and jeans.

You then stood in a flowing blue and purple one piece jumpsuit that had a golden sword sheathed at the side of your right leg.

The material against your skin was smooth and durable, which let you know that it would be easy to fight in.

How does it feel?

Mayari’s voice sung through your head, making you jump slightly.

“Uh-g-good… it feels good.” You quickly got over your initial shock when you remembered the reason you were there in the first place.

Good, now let’s not waste anymore time. Shall we?

“Shall we what-“ You cut yourself off with a small yelp as you felt your feet being lifted off the ground, “What the- Hey! What’s happening?” You fumbled around, trying to grab onto something while trying to stay balanced so you didn’t hit your head.

You heard her chuckle a little.

I’m a goddess, flying just so happens to be a perk.

You swallowed hard, “Right, yeah, of course.”

You heard her laugh again before you started moving forward while still in the air.

Now hang on.

-•-

Next thing you knew, you were zooming through the skys, over the city buildings of Cairo on your way to where you could only assume the fight was taking place.

In the distance you saw a very large crocodile and dead looking bird fighting near some pyramids, and you didn’t even have to think to know that it was Ammit and Khonshu, who must’ve tricked some other poor soul into being his avatar for him.

It looked weird enough to you, who knew about avatars and everything, so you could only imagine what it looked like to the rest of the world.

Are you ready for this?

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” You mumbled, clearly unsure of yourself.

You’ll do great, and I’ll be here the whole time if you need anything.

You allowed her to bring you closer and closer to the ground until your feet hit the pavement, and you stumbled a little while trying to regain your balance.

Taking a moment, you took in your surroundings to see what you were dealing with.

People where running around in complete chaos, with windows broken, cars flipped, and buildings on fire.

You saw a flash of purple out of the corner of your eye and quickly whipped around to see Aurthur pointing his staff at a mother, father, and daughter who all sat huddled in a bunch.

The parents were obviously trying to shield the screaming child from whatever the strange man was about to do to them while gripping onto each other tightly for comfort.

It was as if your brain switched off and was replaced with that of a warrior, which you later knew you could thank Mayari for.

You quickly unsheathed your sword and sprinted over to the group as fast as your feet would carry you, before jumping right in front of them just in time for Harrow to shoot out a beam of violet light.

His eyes widened in surprise as your golden sword caught the blast midair and sent it right back at him, sending him flying backwards a few feet before his head hit the pavement.

Only partially listening to Mayari’s words of praise, you turned back to the family after reshething your sword, “هل أنتم بخير؟” You asked hurriedly.

(Are you all okay?)

“أنت بطل خارقة!”

(You’re a superhero)

The little girl gasped in awe, staring at you with wide and adoring eyes, and all you could do was smile at her softly.

You took the next moment to reassure the parents that everything was fine as they sobbed and thanked you over and over again.

Once you saw them hurry away, you turned back to the spot Harrow was in, only to find him and his staff gone.

You cursed quietly before running through the streets, helping people along the way, and listening to your goddesses advice whenever she had any words of wisdom.

Just as you were helping an old lady out of a car, you heard your name being called in disbelief above all the other noises that the city had to offer that night.

You whipped around and froze in your place, suddenly feeling like you were back in that tomb.

Marc Spector pushed his way through the crowds as he came running as fast as he could towards you.

I thought Khonshu said he was dead?

You ignored Mayari’s curious voice, unable to comprehend it or anything else other than your father at that moment.

“D-dad?” You whispered out in disbelief.

“Oh, honey.” You could hear the relief in his voice as he quickly pulled you into his chest.

You gripped the back of his suit tightly, as if afraid if you let go then he would disappear once again.

For a long moment, the two of you rocked back and forth, him comforting you lovingly as you sobbed into his chest.

“The bullets- I saw- you were-“ you couldn’t even form a proper sentence.

He shushed you once again, “It’s okay, I’ll explain everything later. I promise.”

You were grateful that Mayari gave you two a moment together without her interrupting you or your father.

Gently, he pulled away but still held onto your shoulders, keeping you at arms distance as he studied you and your outfit, “What is this?”

You could tell by the way his eyes flooded with panic and horror that he already knew the answer, though.

“Dad-“

“No, no, no.” Marc shook his head in disbelief, dropping it down in defeat, “First your mother, and now you.”

You felt your heart drop, “Mom?”

He nodded painfully, “Layla became an avatar for Taweret.”

Before you could question him further though, his suit quickly changed into a very different one. One that you knew to be Stevens outfit.

“Oh my gosh! I can’t believe you’re Mayari’s avatar!” He gushed, “That’s so bloody cool! Oh poor old Marc had no idea who’s avatar you were, but I could tell from one glance that-“

He was cut off by you throwing yourself into his arms, “I’m so glad you’re okay, too.” You whispered into his ear.

After a moment, the two of you pulled away at the sound of the screaming of your name from nearby.

You and Steven both turned to see Layla angrily stomping towards the two of you, wearing an outfit you can only assume Taweret gave her.

“Yeah, no thanks.” Steven said, “You can handle this one, mate.”

And with that, his suit disappeared and was quickly replaced by Marc’s, “What- no, Steven! Hey!” He stuttered out, quickly stopping at his wife’s deadly glare.

“What are you doing here?” She seethed, glaring down at you, “You promised to stay in the hotel room! And what are you wear-“

She cut herself off with wide eyes, realizing what was happening.

“Oh no, honey. Why would you do that?” Her voice had softened slightly and she was referring to you becoming an avatar.

“You needed help.” You mumbled, looking at the ground with slight guilt, “If it makes you feel any better, it’s the goddess-“

“Mayari.” She finished in awe, “The one I used to tell you stories about.”

Aww, you used to listen to stories about little old me?

Your goddess teased you playfully.

Marc on the other hand, huffed and crossed his arms, “Why did everybody know who it was right away, but me?”

Before any of you could respond, you were all cut off with a shout coming from a couple feet away from all of you.

You all whipped around to see one of Arthur's followers charging at you with a gun, and Layla immediately pushed you behind her and put her wrists up, deflecting all of the bullets with her cuffs.

Marc then took action and quickly ran out from behind her and kicked the man in the face, making him drop to the ground.

Then Ammit’s followers were all around you.

All three of you fought back, trying your best to defend one another while trying to stay alive.

You unsheathed your sword and quickly got to work fending off the woman nearest to you while Mayari gave you helpful tips.

You noticed with glee that your parents both glanced at you every now and then in pride at seeing you handle your own.

But there were only three of you. Avatars or not.

You were all quickly outnumbered, and next thing you knew you were backed up against a wall, fighting the best you still could in your situation.

You glanced to the side to see your mother pinned up against a side of a car while your father glanced worriedly at the two of you and Aurthur was shouting something you couldn’t hear at him.

You knew they could handle themselves so you focused back on your own fight and after a few minute struggle, they were all down and you were no longer surrounded.

Turning back to see if your parents needed help, your eyes widened in shock at what you saw.

There were bodies of Harrow and Ammits followers scattered all over the place, and your parents stood above them looking around in confusion.

“That wasn’t you, Steven?” You heard your father ask in slight horror, but you knew he didn’t even have to ask. Of course it wasn’t kind, lovable Steven.

“Dad?” You called out hesitantly.

He quickly turned to face you, scanning you for any injuries, “Yeah?”

“What the hell was that?” Layla voiced your thoughts.

“I-I don’t know.” He admitted, “I blacked out.” He glanced between the two of you, “Are you two okay?”

You both nodded and he sighed in relief. And though you were all in the middle of the biggest fight of your lives, you all couldn’t help but be grateful.

Because you had each other, your little family. Just like it always had been.

#platonic #platonic imagine #x reader #steven grant x reader #jake lockley x reader #marc spector x reader #moon knight imagine #moon knight x reader #moon knight #marvel fic #Jake lockley x daughter reader #Marc Spector x daughter reader #Steven Grant x daughter reader #Layla el faouly x daughter reader #teen reader #mk x reader #mcu fic #mcu x reader #steven with a v #marc and steven #khonsu #mayari

[septnanis]

A what-if Riku fell to Darkness in kh1 and couldn’t shake it take on kh3. I’m gonna keep posting bits of writing to manifest kh4 content you can’t stop me

The dust sweeps up as Sora crashes to his knees, a scream bursting out at him at the disappearance of his friends.

A black shadow appears from the ground in front of him and when Sora looks up, his breath catches on a sob.

“Looks like trouble,” Riku says, his back to Sora.

His clothes are all black and he’s taller since the last time Sora saw him, when he left him on the beach in the Dark Margin.

If the waves sound the same, Riku had said to Sora, might as well stay.

Sora thinks sometimes that he should’ve stayed with him.

Against the backdrop of the enormous storm of darkness, Riku’s silver hair gleams.

“Get up,” Riku says, and turns. His eyes still gleam yellow. “You can’t give up.”

Sora hangs his head. “But all my friends,” he chokes out. “They’re all gone. Without them… I’m nothing.”

Riku huffs out a sound that sounds like he’s amused. “That’s not true,” he says. “I believe in you. So get up. This isn’t over.”

Sora hears him walk away and for a moment he thinks Riku has left him behind. Disappeared like he does, coming and going. But he’s still there when Sora looks up.

And walking straight towards the storm of Heartless.

Riku does what none of them had been able to and holds his Keyblade aloft. The storm crashes into him the way hurricanes hit the coast back home, a crashing sound and a burst of light. But Riku stands steady as an island, as a tower, immovable.

When the darkness envelops him and rushes towards Sora, he holds out his arms like welcoming home an old friend.

—-

“Your Majesty!” Sora calls out, Kairi close behind him. Mickey turns, the three personifications of Master Xehanort in front of him.

“Sora! Kairi!” He calls out to them.

“We’re here to help!” Kairi says, brandishing her Keyblade. “Didn’t I already wipe the floor with you!” She shouts at Xemnas.

Xemnas holds out a hand, a smirk on his face. “Beginner’s luck, princess,” he says. “You’re welcome to try again.”

The battle is hard and it feels like it takes forever. When the final one is defeated, the young version of Xehanort with the sinister look in his eyes, it almost feels like a victory.

“All of them down, one to go,” Kairi says, a bruise already forming on her cheek.

“Keep your guards up,” Mickey says. “He doesn’t look like he feels beaten.”

Sora looks up at Master Xehanort. “Xehanort! It’s over!”

Xehanort wags his fingers, like motioning an incantation. “Is it?” He asks and Sora gasps when Riku appears, dangling like a puppet on strings, his eyes closed.

“Riku!” Kairi cries out and Sora runs so fast his feet barely touch the floor.

He can hear the wind whistling in his ears as he climbs the side of the cliff, Riku coming closer and closer.

He’s close enough to see Riku’s eyes open before Xehanort lifts his Keyblade and strikes right through his oldest friend.

“No! Riku!” Sora cries out, lifting his own Keyblade.

Riku’s form bursts into light, bright enough to momentarily blind everyone and when the light dies down, he’s gone.

Sora’s blade crashes down on Xehanort’s, and he doesn’t even fight when he’s thrown back to the ground.

He holds out his hands and cries when small splintered bits of light touch his fingertips.

—-

“I’ll go with you,” Kairi says and Sora smiles at her.

“I know you would,” Sora says. “And I’m so sorry I’m going without you… again. But I have to go alone.”

She stares at him for a long time. “Come back,” she says. “Bring him back and make him stay. He’s been all by himself for too long.”

Sora nods. “I will,” he says. “We’ll be back before you know it!”

Kairi steps back. Sora raises his Keyblade.

—-

“This is all I really wanted,” Riku says, his hand warm in Sora’s. “See all the worlds, spend time.. with you.”

Sora smiles and grabs Riku’s hand tighter. “We’ll see loads more together,” he promises.

His eyes are still yellow, but just before the light fades away and a tear falls from Riku’s eye, he can remember what color they had been once.

The sun rises on the Destiny Islands and Sora awakens in a sea of inky darkness and endless stars.

—-

A Nobody walks towards a familiar voice he cannot name.

A city made of memories and dreams comes to life around them when he draws his weapon.

#soriku #kh fic #kh riku #kh sora #soriku fic

[honeybcj]

HAN HAN HAN HAN HAN

Karkarosier. oh my fucking god. I’ve been thinking about them all day omg you genius <3

Also the danse macabre mention got me excited, please feel free to ramble, mumble, rant about this or anything else about this ship please 🙏

Thank you for indoctrinating me bb xx

KARKAROSIER!!!! you’ve genuinely got me so excited, and yes, i’m convinced to rant on about danse macabre, so buckle your seatbelts and let’s go on a ride (bring any snacks you want, this might get long)

what sticks out to me most: “no one escapes the dance of death”

this is extremely important in the case of evan’s character. when i look at it, i have this feeling deep in my gut that he anticipated his death. he felt it in his bones. he could smell it before it even happened. as someone who spent most of their life fascinated by death, pain, and gore-induced madness, i think evan connected with Death in ways that others may not have thought. it’s not that he wanted to die, but his death was inevitable (just like everyones), but his untimely death did happen well before it should have. he didn’t fear it, he embraced it. to note, evan flat out refused to admit it out loud to anyone. he couldn’t bear the weight of telling others that he would, in fact, die.

i feel like evan is often portrayed as very cold and cadaverous, but to those around him, he unleashes this intense warmth. a possessive kind of “you’re mine, and i’m yours. we are unmovable.” his love is shown in the details, and by keeping that crucial piece of information to himself, he feels like he ultimately saved everyone an immense amount of despair. on the flip side of things, in the eyes of others, they view evan’s death like this tragedy. like his destiny wasn’t to die young, and it is just an unfortunate circumstance. because even those who cause harm and inflict pain and thrive in the hands of death, they too experience suffering, guilt, anger, impossible anguish. they too sob and scream and choke on their own breath. and at the end of the day, one thing remains constant: death equalizes us all. and in evan’s death, he is just like everyone else, but in life, in the land of the living, his memory is put on a pedestal, specifically by karkaroff (and barty too, but for all intents and purposes, i will keep it strictly to karkaroff).

after evan’s death, karkaroff quite literally dances towards death. it’s a terrifying means of coping with the suffering. but he wants to taste death, needs it to heal what he’s been stripped of. almost, if you’d like to take it that far, there was a soul tie between the two of them. when evan’s soul stopped calling out, karkaroff didn’t go off the deep end. he just went quiet. he held onto his love for the dark arts, continued to study it and even in his days of being trapped alone, he pushed on with the memory of evan. so when, in canon, he says “evan rosier” there’s a small part of him that hopes, desperately so, that it was all some sort of nightmare and he isn’t actually dead. karkaroff deeply believes the person should have been barty. so when he finally gets to say “barty crouch…junior”, the relief he feels is immeasurable, yet he still remains a coward. he can’t face it any longer. he tries, so fucking hard, to push through, but it’s not the same. not without evan.

here’s the thing: they were literally death eaters. surrounded by death, embracing death. because that’s all there was to it. they didn’t care about the repercussions. karkaroff only started to care when evan died. he couldn’t keep doing it, but their relationship, whatever it may have been, revolved solely around the complexities and intricacies of death and the morbid curiosities of life. at this point, karkaroff chases Death, but Death says “not yet. it’s not your time.” again, instead of breaking and losing his will fully, he keeps on existing, but as nothing more than a coward, living to try and appease a younger, more innocent version of himself. the same young boy that would find comfort in the cold nights traipsing through the woods or collecting bits and pieces of the world around him to study and explore.

i do, truly, feel compelled to keep going on about these two, but i will stop there because i don’t want to bore anyone (like who is even gonna sit there and read all that????) anywho! that’s what i have to say about it!!!! MWAH MWAH MWAH

#han’s asks #royal tag #karkarosier

[ff7-has-taken-me-over]

I’m thinking something like that fic ‘The Double Edged Sword’ by AuRon_Scaleless where Ezio and Altaïr are being manipulated by the apple of Masyaf to hate Desmond.

Difference is, the apple of Rome is also there because Ezio brought it with him by mistake so now it sits with Malik for safe keeping. The Masyaf one sits with Altaïr because the man studies it.

Anyway! The two are mistreating Desmond and he’s slowly falling apart with the mixture of bleeding effects and the after math of using the eye to save the world. With the added words and jabs at his apparent ‘betrayal’ it just deteriorated him more.

Malik is just as distrustful of the young man as anyone but at the same time he can feel that there is something more going on here. He just can’t figure out what.

This is until the Rome Apple decides to show him just what Desmond had gone through before popping up here. He sees the farm, the way he grew up, the borderline abuse disguised as training, the years of running and constantly looking over the shoulder, the eventual capture.

He sees Desmond fighting tooth and nail against the modern templars and he sees them drug him, forcing him into the animus to do their bidding. Then there’s the assassins doing pretty much the exact same things to him, his time in the machine growing longer and more frequent as his symptoms get worse and worse and worse.

And when Malik thinks it’s finally all over, that this used and abused young man can finally get a break from everything the ones who promised him a painless death and swift passing on do the exact opposite.

Malik can feel the wisps of pain that Desmond experiences and even that is almost too much for him. He sits there and watches Desmond scream and writhe for what felt like hours but must have been mere seconds.

Then Desmond is transported here, a few months after his second ancestor mind you, only to receive treatment just as bad as his original life.

Malik is practically thrown out of the memories, breathing turned ragged and tears that he didn’t event notice before streaming down his face. The apple in his hand pulses gently, as if it is saddened by the memories he had just witnessed, imploring him to do something to save the young man.

Before he can even move there is a hesitant knock on his door, a familiar head of brown accompanied by a face that is much too gaunt popping through the doorway with a hesitant smile. Despite everything the man still tries to smile at everyone and gain their trust, a feat he has not quite achieved with everyone sadly.

Desmond opens his mouth to speak, Malik hasn’t a clue as to what he’s about to say because he’s already up and across the room. He pulls the young man into a firm yet gentle hug, mindful of his still tender arm and trying to convey every single jumbled emotion he feels in that moment. God, Malik’s sure he has never despised missing an arm more than in this moment.

“I’m so sorry Desmond… you didn’t deserve… any of this. But you worked so hard for the brotherhood, for us and I am so proud of you.” There’s a moment where the young assassin doesn’t move, frozen in his arms before his chest suddenly hitches, body collapsing against Malik’s own as he lets out a quiet, bitten back sob.

The sound just makes the pain radiating through the Dai even worse. God the man couldn’t even cry freely without fear of something happening to him. He ignores the thoughts though, bringing Desmond to the pile of cushions he has set up in the corner of his office for those late nights he can’t quite make it back to his sleeping quarters.

They collapse into the mound together, Desmond burying his head deep into Malik’s chest and clutching his robes as he shudders and silently cries against him. The Dai can feel the young man’s mouth opening against his chest, as if he wanted to scream and sob aloud, but no sound escapes. Just ragged breaths and quiet sniffles.

They lay there for several long minutes, Malik keeping his arm looped around Desmond and running the tips of those fingers up and down what little of his spine he can reach. The young assassin doesn’t seem to mind though, relishes in it even as he slowly begins to calm down.

Before either of them realise it Desmond’s fast asleep, face looking peaceful and form more relaxed than Malik’s ever seen. He can’t help but plant a tender kiss on the younger’s forehead, breathing him deep as he tries to think on what to do next.

Apparently today is a day for interrupting him since there is another knock on the door, the noise loud and startling in the now quiet room. Desmond doesn’t even flinch at it though, an apparent testament to how exhausted he is.

Before Malik can get up the person enters, pleasant greeting on his tongue dying before it fades into an annoyed and angry scowl at the sight that greets him.

The Dai feels his own annoyance and anger rise at the sight of it, all those previous moments over the last few weeks suddenly springing to the forefront of his mind. Malik growls lowly at his longtime friend, glaring at him in a way that he knows the other is somewhat scared of, though the man would never admit to it.

“Get out Altaïr. I will speak with you later.” The mentor isn’t as easily cowled apparently, already opening his mouth again before stopping when Malik suddenly shoots to his feet. He had been extracting his arm and Altaïr hadn’t even noticed until now.

“I said leave novice. Do not make me say it again or I will make sure you regret it.” The mentor looks down at the still sleeping form of Desmond with one last glare before turning on his heel, walking out of the room and slamming the door behind him.

Malik huffs out an annoyed breath at his antics, turning around only to be met with wide and frightened eyes, scanning over everything as if looking for an escape route.

Also I suddenly thought of this. Desmond goes to the poor districts to help treat the sickly people (he has first aid knowledge because of his need for survival while he was on the run. Nothing like surgery but basic shit like how to prevent an outbreak and set a bone sort of stuff) and as a result the people there love him. It’s the only place he can feel like he’s doing something right and feel as if he belongs.

Nobody else knows of this for obvious reasons. They’d either spread the rumours there and make everyone hate him or they’d do something equally as bad. But that’s where he escapes to when things get to be too much for him in the bureau.

He’s not allowed to leave either because they have to ‘make sure he isn’t a threat to the people’ even though they don’t spare him a single thought the second he goes missing.

Malik follows him one day and when he sees just what the man does in order to help people he can’t help but feel even more anger toward Altaïr and Ezio. How could they treat a man so broken and pure like that? How could they hate him so when he smiles that reassuringly toward a child who has merely scraped his knee? It makes no sense.

#fic prompt #prompt #fic #assassins creed #Desmond miles #Ezio auditore #Altaïr Ibn-La’ahad #Malik Al Sayf #established Ezio x Altaïr #Future ezio x Desmond x altair?? #or future malik x Desmond?? #honestly this is already half a fic #I may have something like this already posted #poor Desmond #Altaïr and Ezio are assholes #Desmond’s a saint #Malik holds the braincell #as usual

[eddiesgorlie]

Fear of Tomorrow

Austin Butler x Chronically ill! Reader

Summary: When Austin is gone for interviews reader has a hard time at home, Austin takes care of her when he returns home.

Warnings: Mentions of depression, needles and chronic pain. It is kind of a sad/fluffy fic:)

Word count: 1,003

I loosely based this fic on me and how I’d like to be treated. As a young person with chronic illnesses and pain you don’t get a lot of sympathy from others. I’ve been dealing with CRPS, RLS, Raynauds and arthritis since I was a kid and am currently waiting on more diagnosis’s. For anyone in the chronic illness community or anyone that needs to chat, my messages are open, I’m here for y’all. I love y’all<3

I was laying in bed, the blackout curtains closed and the clock read noon. Austin was currently in New York doing interviews so I was alone and my depression was hitting me harder than ever. I’d gone to the doctor alone yesterday and my heart sank when she told me it was time for more tests, dealing with pain like this in my twenties wasn’t normal and there were probably more illnesses to add to my already mile long list. The arthritis in my hands had gotten worse recently and as a full time writer, that wasn’t good. My publisher had been calling me, asking for book signings, a new book idea, anything at this point. I ignored her calls and just laid in bed staring at the wall and pile of tissues in front of me.

Austin was coming home today and the last thing I wanted him to see was me in this state, he was on such an excited high from all of his jobs and the attention but I couldn’t help it, every time I tried to move my back screamed at me and I was too weak. Most likely from dehydration and the fact that I’ve been living on snack foods. I wanted nothing more than to be that dumb carefree college kid again where my biggest worry was if my slutty halloween costume would catch my crushes eye. Now my worries were when would my next hospital stay be? If Austin leaves me how will I support myself?

I heard the door open and heavy boots walk into the house. “Honey, I’m home!” He yelled. That had become his homecoming tradition. His footsteps were lighter once he took his boots off and our bedroom door was pushed open. I squinted my eyes at the bright light streaming in the room. “Hey hun. What’s going on?” He asked, sitting on the bed. I took a deep breath to try to compose myself but failed miserably as I broke down into sobs. “I’m in pain and probably dehydrated and I’ve been living on peanut butter crackers for the past couple days. Katherine keeps calling to see if I want to do book signings or if I’m writing anything but I can’t even write!” I cried. “I went to the doctor yesterday and she said I need more tests because something else is going on. I’m so scared.” I cried.

“Baby, why didn’t you call to tell me about all of this?” He asked. “I didn’t want to bother you and weigh you down.” I said. “You never bother me, I tell you all the things going on with me and you do the same with me.” He said. “I’m so sorry.” I cried. “No, baby. Don’t apologize. Can I hold you?” He asked. “Y-yeah. Not my hands.” I sniffled. He leaned against the headboard and pulled me onto his chest. I winced at the ache in my back. “Have you drank anything?” He asked. “I had a glass of water over the past couple days.” I said. “Are you hungry?” He asked. “Yeah.” I said. “Do you want me to go grab you some food?” He asked. “Yeah..” I said.

He stood up and set me up comfortably in bed. “I’m sorry Mrs. Vampire.” He said, opening the curtains. “Ah, I’m melting.” I said, trying to have some fun. He handed me the TV remote and left the room. I scrolled through the guide and didn’t find anything good so I put on my favorite Forrest Gump. A couple minutes later Austin came back with two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and my pink Stanley filled to the brim with water. “I want you to eat and drink.” He said sitting in bed next to me. “Thank you, Aus.” I smiled. “What kind of test does the doctor want you to have done?” He asked. “Labs.” I sighed. “Damnit. Again?” He asked, knowing my crippling fear of needles. “Yep, again.” I sighed. “I’m sorry, honey.” He said. “I’ll get through, I just want to know whats wrong with me.” I said. “Nothing’s wrong with you, honey.” He said. “You know what I mean.” I said. He nodded and took a bite of his sandwich. “I called my agent and publicist and told them to clear my schedule for the next couple weeks. The only thing I have to attend is the Oscars and of course if you can, I want you there with me.” He smiled. “Aus, you don’t have to do that for me. I want you to do interviews and photo shoots.” I sighed.

My big thing was that I never wanted to be a burden to him, I told him about my problems on the second date and promised him that if something ever was holding him down that we would go our separate ways. His career was going so well and I couldn’t be more proud of him and I wouldn’t let anything slow him down, especially me. “Y/n, you’re my girl, I’m going to take care of you. I love you so much.” He kissed my head. “I love you, Aus.” I said.

After we finished eating and Austin took the plates into the kitchen and came back into the room, I felt my eyes drooping as the exhaustion from the past couple of days hit me. “Are you tired, baby?” He asked. I nodded. “Every time I try to sleep the RLS kicks in and I just end up walking around the apartment.” I sighed. “C’mere.” He said, helping me lay between his legs, my head resting on his shoulder. He took my leg in his hands and started gently massaging. I let out a happy sigh and dropped my head back as I finally felt a little relief from the past couple days of hell. “Get some rest. I’m right here.” He whispered in my ear. I gladly obliged and let sleep finally reach me as I laid in his warm embrace.

Taglist:

@Purejasmine

@violetdaze25

@maddiemunson333

@Shelbygeek

@ABloversblog

#austin butler #austin butler elvis #austin!elvis smut #austin butler fic #austin butler x reader #sebastian kydd #sebastian kydd x reader #austin!elvis x reader #elvis biopic #elvis imagine #austin butler smut #austin butler x y/n #austin butler x you #austin elvis imagine #austin butler fluff #austin butler fanfic #austin butler imagine #austin butler series #austin butler fanfiction #austin x reader #austin elvis fluff #austin elvis x reader #austin elvis fandom #austin elvis smut #elvis presley x reader #elvis 2022 #elvisaaronpresley #elvis fans #elvis x reader #elvis songs

[smolvenger]

Miss Narracott and The Captain- Chapter Eight Finale (!)

Fandom: War Horse

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of sex, death, and violence but nothing brutal other than one brief mention that gets a bit vivid. But LOTS of fluff and emotions and crying and hugging. A Happy Ending.

Chapter Word Count: 3K

Series Summary: It is 1914. You are Y/N Narracott, the older sister of Albert Narracott. You must do what you can so your family can keep their farm. And so your brother can keep his beloved horse. Under financial struggles, you never expect romance to come into your life...until you have a chance encounter with James Nicholls- a Captain with a knack for drawing. But the threat of war lingers in the air...

Part One//Part Two//Part Three//Part Four//Part Five//Part Six//Part Seven

A03//My Ko-Fi//My Etsy Shop//Masterlist//Wattpad

A/N: Thank you guys so much for sticking with this story for a character who we saw only briefly but deserved much more <3!! I hope you enjoy the finale!!

Taglist: @evelyn-kingsley @jennyggggrrr @five-miles-over @fictive-sl0th @ladycamillewrites @villainousshakespeare @holdmytesseract

@eleniblue @twhxhck @lokisgoodgirl @lovelysizzlingbluebird @raqnarokr @holymultiplefandomsbatman @michelleleewise @wolfsmom1 @infinitystoner @12-pm-510 @meowmeow-motherfucker

November, 1918

It was another long day at the hospital. Not another overnight, but still long. You had an hour to go for your time, as you checked the clock. You headed over to make sure there was a glass of water on each bedside table.

It was simple training. It didn’t take long to get a First Aid and Home Nursing certification. They gave you a uniform of a white cap, a dark dress, and a white apron with a red cross stitched over the chest. Your first days as a VAD were full of fixing cups of tea and changing sheets.

But by now you had sewn flesh together. You had seen men die with their eyes open. You had seen infections that made you feel queasy to look at. Once, you were asked to hold down a man’s leg as it was amputated. You never forgot his screams. They rung in your nightmares for a week. Compared to that, sewing together flesh was easy. Many of the other volunteers were women from families who were not accustomed to hard work. They were in for a large shock and were forced to adaptation. Only a few came from labor or farms, as you did,and could tolerate work for long hours. But it was as if the sight of death had bonded and toughened you all.

With the young men in town away to fight, it was mostly women you ran into. They were glad and grateful friends. Your weekly knitting club for the troops led to much baked goods, playful gossip, released sobs, and vulnerable confessions. You valued the women you met and befriended in your circles, your fellow VAD’s, and neighbors and new in-laws.

But none of them could replace James, of course. James with his occasional visits when he was discharged- visits that ended too soon every time. James with his constant, beautiful letters filled with sketches. Just the last one read.

“My dear Mrs. Nicholls,

Joey is doing well. He’s as fit and stubborn and spirited as can be, no wonder he’s lasted so long. He’s racing alongside Topthorn-not that I’m too surprised about the speed of his gallop. Jaimie sends you his love and good wishes as well.

 I’ve been thinking of you in Somerset. Of the reward to come-to come back to my wife, to come back to you. I hope you recall the Teddy Bear I sent you for your birthday. Yes, it is a children’s toy, but when you miss me, you may embrace him as you would me and kiss him on his head as you would me.  It is a bit of love I send back to you to console you. At least until I can return to your arms and kisses for real.

Do not think of me as less of a man, but I confess, that is what moves me- a future of ours. A house of our own.  Children of our own playing around the living room and getting into trouble. We can play music on the phonograph all we want without the cacophony of guns around us. We will laugh and talk over any silly old thing over every meal. Then we’ll go to bed, and I’ll take you as I did in the grass and we’ll make love without any fear or shame, only how much we adore each other…”

But now it was not only James and Joey you had to worry about. That first year, Albert ran off to join the army. When you found out, you ran to your parents and sobbed as you hugged them. Only sometimes you got a letter from him and you would press your parents for updates.

It only pushed you to work harder as a VAD and take it seriously. Knowing these soldiers groaning in their beds were someone else’s James or Albie. That someone was going to lose their husband or brother or son. And if you hurried and focused on the tasks at hand, you could help save someone’s life. That was what was on your mind when one of the doctors walked into the room.

“Everyone, there is an announcement- all staff must hurry into the lobby,” he declared.

Finishing pouring the last glass of water, you set the pitcher on a table and hurried there. All of you gathered in your uniforms, heads turning with whispers of what it could be. The head of the hospital stood there in the center of the room with a newspaper, he took off his spectacles to face you all. There were tears in his brown eyes.

“Everyone…England is going to sign an armistice this month with Germany and the other countries on the eleventh of this month. It will be the last day of fighting. In short, the war is about to end.”

There was silence. You could hear a few gasps. Every bit of you was vibrating and the breath in your lungs stopped. Finally, there was a cheer and an applause that broke out. Your colleagues wrapped their arms around you and hugged you and you hugged back.

You couldn’t believe it. Had it all been so fast? Yet so slow? It’s over…it’s over…the war is finally over!

But, from that last letter…James sent it just last month. Things could have changed. He still could have been killed! Or Albert too! All you had to do was wait for a final letter or telegram. One last one and it would confirm if James and Albert survived. Or not. In your heart, the war was not yet done. Just a few more days of fear…then it would be settled.

November 11th arrived, and the bells of the church rang louder than any Christmas you had seen. People danced in the streets, threw confetti, and cheered. There was no telegram. But no letter either.  You shook every time the mail was delivered that month. But nothing crucial so far. 

You were enjoying one of your free days eating luncheon with Mr. and Mrs. Nicholls. There was a knock on the door that made you jump.

“This isn’t when the postman arrives- it’s two hours early. Are we expecting visitors?” asked Mr. Nicholls.

“No, Mrs. Hayter isn’t arriving until tomorrow…” Mrs. Nicholls answered.

“I’ll get it,” you offered, getting out of your chair.

As you took a few steps closer to the door, you heard a sound.

A whinny. A horse’s whinny. A very familiar horse’s whinny. A whinny you had not heard since…since…

Your steps to the door became a run. You threw it open and let out a scream at the sight.

It was James in his now dirtied green uniform. He was standing outside leading Joey by the leash and giving you a salute. Without another word, you ran towards him, almost tackling him into a hug.

“James…James…is it you? Please tell me if this is real! Please-please tell me it’s you!” you begged, your voice breaking into tears.

You felt a hand reach your back. You could smell him, feel him, and hear that voice you loved so much.

“Yes, my darling…it’s me…and I’m not leaving anywhere, I’m staying with you for a very long time…” he answered.

There were footsteps and a shout from his parents behind you. You grabbed his face and pulled him in for a kiss. He smelt of wind and the smoke of travel as well as the horse and could feel his hands wrap around your back. You hugged him again and began to sob into his uniform, not caring anymore if it stained. He wrapped his arms around you and hugged you back so tight. Then he let go and greeted his parents, taking off his cap. Mrs. Nicholls kissed her son’s face a dozen times. Mr. Nicholls was weeping so badly his back shook as he hugged his son, James let him cry and rocked him as he stood. Assuring him, “it’s alright, father-I’m here. I’m back…”

You then turned to Joey and hugged his muzzle. The younger colt in the Narracott farm would have run away the second his leash was freed. But Joey, now a beautiful stallion in his own right, stood still. He accepted you just as he did the last day you saw him.

“I missed you, old boy. I missed you so much! I’m glad you made it- I’m so glad! Albie’s missed you most of all-he’ll be beside himself!”  you whispered to the horse.

You kissed his long snout with its white diamond. He leaned back into you as if to hug you back.

To think, James was back home. Every single neighbor visited to see him all afternoon.  Already at dinner, he was here to eat and compliment the cook. He finished his plate, cupping his wine in his large hand with one palm.

 “Good God, I’ve missed all of you so much…the things I’ve seen…things I’ve heard…I don’t know if I can be in another war after this…” he said.

“This one is over…it’s all bad memories, James…you can rest now…” Mrs. Nicholls said.

“And how is the prettiest volunteer in England? I hope she can rest as well?” James asked, turning to you.

“I was thinking…I do like being a part of the VAD…if they still need help, I’ll volunteer…”

“Oh, of course you can, Mrs. Nicholls,” he replied with a smile.

“You can always tell us what you saw…what was it like-fighting?” your mother-in-law questioned.

James became still and his face was white.

“I saw everything ….my first battle, I saw a man blasted to pieces-his guts flying from the shot of a machine gun…”

He opened up as much as he could. The horrors and violence he had seen. The deaths too many to name. A friend one day was a corpse the next hour. All of you were silent as he recounted.

Both of you planned to return Joey to the Devon farm tomorrow. You both laid in bed after dinner. Too tired for anything more than simply holding each other. You put your fingers through his blonde-red hair. Traced each feature of his to memorize it.

“You didn’t fool around with some French girl, I hope!” you huffed.

His voice was earnest.

“I swear on my grandfather’s grave, there were no girls from any country anywhere near me all that time! Jaimie will tell you likewise…Y/N…may I confide something to you?” he asked.

“Yes…”

“I remembered the promise I made you when I left. When it started…”

“Yes, I recall, my dear…”

He turned over to you. Adjusting himself on the pillow so he lay right in front of you. You retreated your hands.

“I kept it. I talked to my superiors. Told them we needed to consider the German’s weaponry and plan accordingly. At first, they said no. I asked them again. They said no again. Then another major came in. He agreed. Then the more they talked to, the more it was agreed. Like common sense. They got permission. They sent spies. We fought with guns when we knew there’d be guns…no surprise attacks. Nothing without strict preparation and knowledge…”

“Did you ever charge your calvary?” you asked. You shifted to be in the blankets from the cold November night.

“Only a few times. But, Y/N, I remembered…I remembered you. And I did my best to survive without disobeying orders. Somehow…well, to be honest, I never went against major orders and even then, I don’t think I was ever caught to be killed as a traitor! But I survived. I thought of you…of how sad you were and how you told me you didn’t want to spend your life a widow. I wanted to keep my word…”

He swallowed. You saw one tear in the duct of his eye.

“You did, James, you did…”

He took both of your hands. He smiled down, seeing you both still wore your wedding bands. Then he placed a kiss on them.

“I wanted to thank you, Y/N…if it wasn’t for that…for you, your promise-if I never met you, never loved you, never married you…I don’t know if I’d be here…” he confided.

You gave him a kiss on the lips. It was probably your fiftieth of the day. But after four years of deprivation, you were glad to be caught up. You positioned him to rest against your chest, wrapping your arms around him.

“My parent’s will cry when they see you tomorrow…when they see Joey, too. We’ll have to ask them if they heard any word on Albie…I can only pray he’s alive now,” you said.

“He’s a natural soldier. There’s a chance he did…” James mused.

You stared up at the white ceiling. The house creaked with the nighttime settling over it.

“To think, James, we have one part of our lives ending. Now there’s a new one. No guns, no violence. A peacetime-just beginning….”

He got up from how you held him, then pulled the blankets over the both of you.

“As long as that peacetime is with you, then it will be worth it…” he said with a smile.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

April 1920. A year and almost a half later.

A new spring was born to match the new decade. Today, it was the perfect temperature of not too hot and not too cold. The tulips, daisies, and crocuses were in bloom everywhere. The field between Somerset and Devon was stunning. You noticed how it rolled on as James drove the motorcar down to visit your family. The brown rabbits hopped around the fields. The river, Innocent’s grove, was such a bright blue it seemed to sparkle in the sunlight. Soon it turned to the wide, sloping streets of your hometown. You waved hello to your old shop friends- Mary, Ida, and Alice all had found loves, marriages, or occupations of their own and were smiling. Of course, you made a quick stop to admire the painting of your husband in the town hall. On one corner, you could read its inscription.

’Joey’- Cpn. Nicholls, Fall, 1918.

All of you then finished the drive to the Narracott farm for a picnic.

Your family, along with a much alive Albert, welcomed you each. You, your husband, and baby sitting up in your arms. She thankfully didn’t make one cry the whole trip!

Dressed in her little white frock and little tufts of hair that looked just like yours, Little Rose Nicholls was the picture of infant health. Named after her grandmother, your mother.

There was never a happier night than when she arrived.  She was born in October of 1919. She arrived and cried her first cry when the clock struck eleven. James ran up to the room the second he was allowed, and her crying calmed down when he held the small baby in a white bundle. He teared up and kissed her forehead, never letting her go until she needed to be fed.

James told you he was glad he survived the war just for that day. He got to live to have her, to see her, to hold her in his arms, to love her.

The newly crowned Uncle Albert took her in his arms and blew a raspberry on her cheek. She turned with wide eyes.

“Can we introduce her to Joey?! I don’t think they’ve met yet!” he offered.

“Yes, of course we can!” you said.

Out all of you walked to the backyard. Harold still waddled about. The War To End All Wars came and went and Harold was still biting everyone’s legs. He did make a few threatening nips of his beak that made Rosie a little scared and she cried. But she stopped when they passed him, and you approached Joey’s field.

“Oof- she’s already getting’ heavy!” Albert commented. “She’s a big girl now!”

“Here, let me have her,” James offered.

Her father scooped her into his arms. Albert whistled like an owl as Joey trotted closer, swishing his long, black tail.

Would Joey make a sudden noise to frighten her? No. The creature seemed to know that she was young and had to approach her with gentleness. How incredible animals had a sense like that, Albert would say! Joey slowed his steps and moved his nuzzle close. Only his breath tickling her cheek.

“Here-this is a horse. His name is Joey, darling. What do you think?” James asked, holding her up and closer to the animal.

Her eyes went wide, and she made a small coo. Joey leaned forward. She reached out a grubby hand and touched his nose, petting him.

“There…there’s my girl, Rosie, you pet him like that,” James nudged.

She kept reaching for him, petting him again and again. Then Joey got out his large, pink tongue and licked her hand. Rose Nicholls smiled and began squealing in delight. Joey let her pet him with her grubby hands. And once she was done, he turned away. James carried her over to show her the farm and the animals.

“Here’s the garden mummy grew up in. She’d see rabbits eating her flowers, like the naughty rabbit eating the vegetable garden in your storybook! If you look, we might see one!”

You couldn’t help but smile. Your daughter was worth every sleepless night and disgusting diaper. James was always there by your side to help you. He knew your child needed her father as much as she needed her mother. In fact, he was already beginning to spoil her! A room in your new house dedicated to her nursery. It had the teddy bear in her cradle as well as any little cloth dolly and book and dress he would splurge on for her.

James decided to retire from being a soldier. The War to End All Wars had done too much for him to endure another. Sometimes he even awoke from a nightmare or jumped at a loud sound. He did find work as a schoolteacher. His gentle authority and calm voice of reason was one his students adored him for. And it meant you could still volunteer as a VAD on weekends. He would grade his papers next to Rosie’s cradle in the evening.

You turned around to see Albert smoothing the corners of the picnic blanket out on the grass. Your father brought over a picnic basket. He looked healthy and cheery-he told you he was going to quit drinking and was on his second month without a sip.

“Here! Foods ready! While it’s hot everyone!” Your mother announced, bringing out the savory pie, fresh from the oven.

All of you sat on the blanket. James handed you little Rosie as you sat down. You bounced her on your lap. James made you a plate and passed you yours. Savory pie, sliced bread, berries, cheese, and fresh produce and jam cake too.

Then your father lifted a glass of lemonade.

“Here-let’s have a toast, eh?”

 You all lifted a glass with your free hand.

“Here-to us. Our family!” he cried.

“To us!” all of you repeated.

James turned to you and clinked your glass again.

“And our little family as well,” he cheered.

“To the three of us,” you agreed.

You received him with a peck on the lips. Then all of you began to help yourselves. Rosie herself was beginning to enjoy the small bits of bread you gave her. She gave a laugh like music and you, and James beamed at her. You took a deep breath. Enjoying the spring weather and the picnic with both families. The one who raised you and the one you had. A family, a happy life full of peace with a living husband who loved you.  

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[zus-anka]

Wedding night Nanami Kento

angst, death, established relationship,

“Grief is just love without a place to go.” You remembered your therapist words as you were sobbing over his grave.

Nanami Kento.

You choked on your own tears as you thought more about him. Every day you had the same routine. Wake up. Cuddle. You iron his clothes. Especially his tie because you knew how much he cared about it. He would kiss you goodbye and go to work. Then after a minute he would always come back and knock on the door again because “I didn’t get enough of you”. You would giggle and hasten him. That day looked the same except he called you in the evening.

“I’m sorry love you have to eat alone today. Don’t wait for me”

“Okay handsome… be safe for me”

“Everything for my fiance”

Fiance. He proposed a year ago and immediately started planning the wedding. But you put the end to it. You told him you are too young for marriage and to life few next years as engaged couple. You two had plenty time for marriage. He told you how dangerous his job was and that he wanted to life his live to the fullest with you. “I may be selfish but I want to be with you forever. Make you the mother of my children.” And you still told him that you were too young. You were stupid. Now there is only grief.

“I can’t do is on my own here”

You weren’t as your shared apartment since you found out.

You fainted and your neighbors, hearing the thud, called for help. You woke up in the hospital and immediately went to jujutsu high to get some information. You just got his tie. Dirty and creased. Then you went to Shibuya. And you screamed. You knew he was there and it was all just a joke. Right? He wouldn’t break a promise. He wouldn’t do it to his fiance. You say him everywhere, in the store, right by the corner, beside you, next to some other person. This was the moment you first cried. It just hit you with full force. In that moment it got to you that he was gone. Your fiance would never hug you again. He would never come back for a deep kiss as the doorstep. You would never iron his clothes again. You would never have sex with him. You would never go on a date with him. You would never say “I love you” to him. You would never have a chance to marry this man. You collapsed to the floor touching your ring. “You were never selfish.”

“Who did you lose here?” some old lady asked you giving you a candle to light. It was a place where a lot of blood was shed. It again hit you.

“My husband.” you couldn’t help yourself. This feeling wasn’t similar to anything you ever felt before. Your heart bleed and you didn’t have a bandage. You lit the candle.

Then you went to the shrine and prayed to the goods to end this pain. You couldn’t breathe. You were suffocating. Your phone rang. Somebody from jujutsu high informed you about the burial.

“It will be a private ceremony to not…..” the words were mixing in your head. You didn’t want to listen about it.

“Make it bigger.”

“What?”

“The grave, make it bigger” you hung up.

Your long walk finally took you to the apartment. You were scared and wanted to throw up. You hadn’t eaten anything in more than a day. You unlocked the doors and the smell made you throw up anyway. It was hard to walk through your shared space. The silence. The warmth. It made you go to the bathroom. You made a decision. “I can’t make it on my own” you sat on the floor.

It took you a few hours to finally get the courage to take the pills. You had been crying, smelling his clothes, eating his snacks. Now you were lying with his tie wrapped around your ring finger. You closed your eyes and he entered the room.

“Hello love, I came back”

“I can see” you run up to him and kissed him.

“I could never get enough of you my love”

“I want to tell you something” you made a pause finding his beautiful, loving eyes “I want to get married. The quicker the better.” You have never seen him smile so hard.

Now two days later you have come back to your old routine. Again you were laying next to each other, your hands linked. But this time, you weren’t in your bed but some other life. Probably on your wedding night.

Yea I kinda cried writing this. the neighbourhood wasn't helping

#nanami kento #kento nanami #jjk angst #bawling my eyes out #help my heart #too much