#so now suffer through my ramblings together XD

[elvenbeard]

2071

"Had to drive a thousand miles just to realize that this is where I belong... This is my home. I'm so fuckin' stupid."

"Some mistakes you gotta make, hermano. How else're you s'pposed to learn from them?"

Vince left Night City for a little less than a year in 2070. He'd burned too many bridges, in Charter Hill, in Kabuki... There seemed nothing left for him to gain, nowhere deeper to sink. Also, his mother had tracked him down two years into his hiding from her. Even though they parted ways somewhat amicably and Vince did not expect to see her again, a certain level of unrest had accompanied him ever since.

Together with someone he thought he was in love with at the time, he joined the backstage crew of a Korean lazrpop duo touring the NUSA. His actually quite extensive technical knowledge... did not land him the gig. It was mostly the good word put in by his acquaintance that was supposed to get him out of the city. But so, instead of working with the crew's techies, setting up the lights and sound for the impressive shows ahead, he ended up having to haul equipment cases most days.

Needless to say, the experience was underwhelming. Combined with his relationship turning sour halfway into the trip, Vince suffered from the worst homesickness ever - for Night City, of all places, the city and the people that had continued to wrong him so many times over, with their games and intrigues.

One thing though Night City had done very right: Jackie Welles. The first person who sincerely liked Vince for who he was, no ulterior motives. The first true friend whose intentions he no longer doubted, that would have his back no questions asked, and vice versa.

Bonding with him over their shared experiences with abusive parents, Jackie was to Vince the older brother he had never had. Naturally, Jackie was there to pick him up when Vince returned to Night City in 2071, disillusioned, alone, and uncertain about his future more than ever. But Jackie always seemed to know someone or something that could be done to get Vince back on his feet.

Night City had changed as much as Vince had during his short-lived, self-inflicted exile. The Unification War was over, Night City a free city. Most importantly though - unbeknownst to both Vince and Jackie still - the old, powerful corporation that had returned to the city's heart with its new, rebuilt headquarters, would forever change their lives just a few years down the line...

Vince through the years (3/9)

For today's behind the scenes ramblings: a few thoughts on something I've been noticing on my VP journey lately...

No matter where you go... I think in any scenic location near Night City, you can see the Arasaka logo somehwere in the background, and I think it's done very purposefully by the environment designers XD It's either the clover, or the whole word "arasaka" spelled out, glowing somewhere on the side of a building or an ad display. It is often there in important story scenes somewhere, too, subtle in the background, a constant, subconscious reminder to V (you know... apart from the constant, subconscious bickering at the hands of Johnny XD).

Arasaka Tower itself is also extremely prominent, unmistakeable with its shape, whenever I'm taking pics lately that are in slightly elevated locaions I look around to see if I can spot it XD And I chose this spot specifically because it's so nicely visible from there, too...

This was one of my very first shoots with AMM - don't think I ever shared these (and wanna recreate them badly now). Just Vince and Johnny pondering the next move, what they're gonna do and say during the meeting with Hanako, Arasaka Tower in clear view in the distance, almost as if it's taunting them.

This particular spot is very important to Vince... as mentioned, it's where Jackie picked him up after he returned to Night City in 2071, but it's more than that. Jackie showed him the place shortly after they became friends, to give Vince a "different perspective" on Night City he wasn't really aware of then, with his sheltered upbrining and the circles he moved in. It's by the dam, overlooking Rancho Coronado, and in few other places the extreme difference between poverty and wealth appears quite as jarring.

In the years to come after this first visit here, it develops into a favourite meeting spot of Vince and Jackie to discuss all manners of things in quiet and relative private... here is where, just a year later, Vince tells him that he's gonna take on a job at Arasaka 👀 And Vince is drawn back there over and over again, even when Jackie can no longer meet him there.

It's simply where he still feels closest to Jackie, due to so many important conversations they had here...

... and he takes Kerry here, later, too, to get away from the city for a little while, talk about the past and the future.

Sometimes he comes over on his own when he needs some quiet time to think, too. What would Jackie do now? What would he suggest? Does it all even matter in the grand scheme of things? What is really important right now, and what can wait for later?

It's the perfect spot to clear your mind, and gorgeous at every time of day <3

Also, I wrote above that Vince was homesick for Night City... but it was less Night City that he missed, but Jackie's presence.

#cyberpunk 2077 #male v cyberpunk #cyberpunk v #corpo v #jackie welles #cp2077 #cyberpunk vp #cp2077 vp #vincent ezaki #my vp #cyberpunk 2077 spoilers #vince through the years #I'm so soft for their friendship hhhhhh ;____; #still working out some details for them for my personal canon re: vince's time at arasaka #I wanna include all the known canon stuff as best as I can #also... in case you couldn't tell XD Vince definitely had a big old crush on Jackie #well... maybe not big old but if Jackie had ever said anything Vince wouldn't have turned him down #by 2077 it had faded to background noise - and also there was Misty now and Vince was really happy about how happy she made Jackie #so it's all good xD #but around the time these pics are set... he's not homesick for Night City #he's homesick for Jackie #even more so after his relationship then - his first serious relationship with another guy mind you - went to shit

[a-person-who-didnt-wanna-be-here]

Small (not so small now that I’ve actually written it) GO2 Rant because I’ve been seeing this a lot

(Spoilers. Duh)

I see two responses to Aziraphale taking the offer in heaven:

One:

“Aziraphale wants to make heaven better for Crowley, they just misunderstood each other, he wants Crowley to be happy! He didn’t choose heaven over Crowley!

And two:

“Aziraphale is TERRIBLE and never thought he and Crowley were friends and he LEFT Crowley for heaven because it was easier!!”

And I’ve only seen a few people ask for a middle ground and nobody has elaborated so welcome to me elaborating on my middle ground.

Aziraphale messed up.

Whatever you say, he messed up. Regardless of his motives and feelings, he chose to go to heaven.

I think he did, at least in his head, want to do it for Crowley. I think he wanted to see Crowley as happy as he was the day he made the stars. I think he wanted to take all the suffering Crowley has been through away.

And that’s a sweet thing, but when you get down to it,

Crowley said he didn’t want that, and Aziraphale went anyway

Regardless of what Aziraphale thought, or wanted, the point comes down to, Crowley was clear that he did not want to go

“And you told him just where he could stick it, then?”

“I'm not gonna be joining their team. Neither should you.”

“We don't need Heaven, we don't need Hell, they're toxic!”

“We need to get away from them”

“Tell me you said no.”

You can say Aziraphale wanted to make heaven a better place - I think he really did. I think he had good intentions, taking that job. He wanted to live in a world where he didn’t have to constantly look over his shoulder for loving Crowley (whatever kind of love you want to argue it was, Aziraphale loves Crowley). I think a lot of the fan base can understand that (looks at all the lgbtq masses )

But no matter how you believe Aziraphale was thinking, that doesn’t change the fact that Crowley was more then clear that he did not want to go.

Aziraphale, supposedly wanting to make Crowley happy, looked him in the eyes while he begged him to understand why he did not want to join either side, how he wanted them to stay together

And he chose heaven anyway.

I think Aziraphale has buckets full of religious trauma. I think he wants to believe he can make it better. I think he wants to make Crowley happy.

So I’m not mad at Aziraphale, per say. But I do think this is what he needs to wake up and realize how wrong he is. Crowley isn’t coming to save him this time, because however he wants to spin it in his head,

Crowley told him he didn’t want to go to heaven, and Aziraphale went without him anyway.

That’s a mistake. However you cut it, however Aziraphale feels. Crowley deserves one hell of an apology for it. And I hope Aziraphale realizes he was wrong.

Anyway that was a lot longer than I intended it to be and I have buckets of homework so enjoy my half edited ramblings XD

#good omens #go2e6 #go2 spoilers #go2 #I wrote this instead of doing homework before work #enjoy #lmao

[queenofbaws]

so like what is the deal with the washington parents? They dont really seem to care about their children. Josh‘ issues and the twins literally dying. are they not concerned? Or just dont show it? Do you think it was different when they were children? What kind of relationship do you think the twins and josh had with their parents?

---

aw man, an excellent question this chilly evening! i mean, in the canon material at least, i think the washington parents just suffer from 'don't look too close at the background characters shhhhhhhhhh' disease, where we just weren't supposed to think about them...

but if you're lookin' for my headcanons ohoho. ohoooo. HOO BOY. i got those. ;Pc

i want to preface this by saying for everything i am about to rant about, there is maybe like. 3 sentences in the source material to support. the rest, as you might imagine, is simply the product of me staring at my ceiling at night and writing in-depth character bios in my head. think barbie doll soap operas but with people who dress like they've never experienced snow before in their lives.

whenever i think about the washingtons, the first word that always pops into my head is COMPLICATED. i think they're a complicated bunch. i do think they love each other, and i do think they care about each other, i just also think there's some distance there. i've always very much been of the belief that josh and the twins were closer to each other than any of them were to their parents, but i don't think that means there isn't love there - just that it's, again, COMMMMPLICATED XD

i think the major issue in the washington fam, as a general rule, is denial. 'pretend it's not a problem and it won't be one.' is that a major issue in my family? perhaps. is this just me projecting? who's to say. but at the end of the day, i think there's a lot of avoidance and distance when it comes to talking about The Big Bad Stuff. we see that in josh, at least, how he just tamps stuff down and lets it fester, so i always just assumed he had to get that from SOMEWHERE. there are also little niblets of this here and there with like, hannah's diary suggesting she wasn't aware of what was going on with josh when he was in and out of the hospital.

so in my head, i tend to translate that as the MOMENT the washington parents realized the situation with beth and hannah was what it was, they both just absolutely, without question, 110% threw themselves into their work so they wouldn't have to think about it. not the healthiest way to go, to be sure, but...i don't know, that's just always the picture i had in my head. in the basement, josh leads sam to believe that his dad's been pretty distant ever since the movie thing took off anyway, so i just sort of stretched that into "and now that things are so fuckin grim here all the time, he's really not around." i like to believe that means it was different when they were kids, that maybe the family was closer and they spent more time together, but i'm sure the whole 'suddenly winning award(s) in hollywood' thing affected how much time they got to spend together.

i sort of paint that in broader strokes in t(a), mostly because whenever we're really dealing with the washington family dynamic stuff, we're seeing it through josh's eyes and he's Goin Thru It, but for what it's worth, in my head i always imagine there's some sort of familial reconciliation when *plugs fingers in ears and talks real loud so i can't hear anyone say the word 'canon'* JOSH AND ALL THE OTHERS GET HOME AFTER WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THE LODGE BLOWS UP LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAA!

this was a lot of rambling for me to get across that YES, i do think the washingtons care about their kids, i just think they're maybe not great at showing it. i think they all need to be seeing dr hill for weekly sessions, that's what i think.

#submission #save-the-dandelions #asks #gonna go ahead and tag this as #the almosts #since thats where said headcanons gelled XD

[koyoba]

Looking Back At 2022

At the end of the year as we move into 2023, I just wanted to reflect a bit on the past 12 months in my life, where I've been and where I'd like to go.

So, what did I do this year? What did I do this year? A lot of nothing, it feels like.

That's not true, haha, I did quite a bit, but I had a couple pretty big setbacks that really threw me off. I'd wanted to do a month by month retrospective, but frankly a lot of things were a blur, so I'll just mention the big ones.

Winter to Mid-Spring

I worked mostly! I don't know what on. It all kind of runs together after a bit. There were some light novels and some manga, more light novels. Same old, same old.

Late Spring

Oohhhh, this was a bad one. I suffered some pretty severe anxiety for a number of reasons, a handful of mild panic attacks and a lot of lost sleep. I didn't work much. Not the best of times :(

Summer

Finally things started looking up again! I had made plans to attend Anime Expo for the first time. I never had much interest in going, since we have a lot of other cons here in the DC area and LA is pretty far, but I was excited to attend for once because I was able to snag an industry badge! Unfortunately, I wasn't able to secure lodging because my plans were a bit last minute, so I ended up dropping that.

Looking at how AX ended up though... kind of glad I did not go xD

It was okay though! I still went to LA, but to visit with good friends instead. I enjoyed July 4 on the beach and got to meet some other cool folks. After that, I went to Vegas for the first time to visit with another good pal. Had some good food, slept on a very comfy couch, and got to visit Omegamart! A very solid vacation.

...Mostly.

Summer to Fall

Oh boy. Oh boy. So, when I was in NV, I started getting some strange tooth pain one morning. I figured ok, I haven't been to the dentist in 5 years, this is probably a cavity or something.

It got worse. It got way worse. Even with two root canals it kept getting worse.

I'm going to go into it later because frankly I would like to make a proper post about it, but tl;dr it turns out I have a rare nerve disorder! One which I'm currently medicated for 3x daily. It took me a long, long while to claw my way out of that hole, but at least it's a climb I've been able to make.

Late Fall to Winter

And that brings us to now! As of this writing, I've been fully pain-free for almost 2 months. I don't know that it'll stay that way forever, but I'm enjoying my time while I can. I'm back to working normally and living as best I can, and I can only hope things keep getting better.

Through the Year

I've played lots of D&D this year! 3-4 diff campaigns, I can't get enough of it. I'll have to introduce everyone to my PCs later. I've picked up a new work project with some folks I've always wanted to work with, on a pretty fun series. There's been changes in the household, and wonderful news in the family. All I can say is that I'm grateful for what I have right now.

Year to Come

Obviously, I don't know what the future holds, but I can't wait to see. I plan to keep up more of the same, and work on improving my art and other crafts. And of course I'd like to keep posting here more! Gotta have some place that isn't birdsite, right? xD

Anyway, just having a ramble here while I'm waiting for dinner. Hope all of you have a wonderful new year <3

#Don't mind me just having a ramble #Happy New Year!

[a-ship-is-safe-in-harbor]

Carraville!

Okay! I tried to answer almost all of them. Some more successfully than others… 

who is more likely tohurt the other?

Ooh, that’s a hardquestion actually. On the one hand Gary is so pigheaded and bossy and sopractical it verges on brutality and he’s just so literal-minded at times thatyou’d really have to say that he’s far more likely to say/do something thatmight hurt Jamie.

I think that Jamiecomes off as the more relaxed and less sensitive guy of the two of them butactually I think that it’s the other way around. Jamie’s the one who flips outwhen a journalist says he’s a bottler, Jamie’s the one who gets that look onhis face when people remind him of past mistakes like for a moment the pain isas raw and fresh as ever, who takes criticism or attacks on others – especiallyStevie but also his city and his people - as intensely personal.

For the most part Garyseems pretty sensitive about it all though. Jamie ends up giving him a lot morestick than the other way around I think, and I wonder if it didn’t work outthat way not just because Gary really does have a thicker skin of sorts butalso because Gary’s success protects him from a lot of those blows. In football,in business, in punditry - even if it was just a matter of perception andcircumstance it couldn’t have been easy to see the viewing figures plummet onceCarra was on his own after Gary’s own solo success when he first started.

BUTTTTT.

Gary is of course THEMOST REPRESSED MAN ON PLANET EARTH. SERIOUSLY.

So you take that alongwith his compulsive habit of making fun of himself before anyone else gets achance to and couple that with the fact that I don’t think he’d ever fight tokeep anyone or anything because deep down he not only assumes that they’lleventually leave him but that they’re right to do so - and you could see how hemight take a small throwaway comment from Carra and turn it over and over inhis head in the pressure chamber of his own insecurity and doubt until it wassharp enough to do serious damage.

Carra wouldn’t beprivy to any of this of course. Like, Gary could go as far as literallybreaking up with himself on Carra’s behalf because he’d have convinced himselfthat that’s what Carra really meant. Or that that’s what Carra is going to mean soon anyway so he might as well preempt it. 

Oh good, even when it’sjust some lovely meta questions I go off on tangents and don’t answer thequestion.

So Gary is more likelyto hurt Carra more often but the hurt would be relatively shallow, and Carra ismore likely to hurt Gary on a deeper level (but without realizing it).  

who is emotionally stronger?

I think that Gary’sgone his whole life being emotionally self-sufficient and astoundinglyresilient. He doesn’t lean on people even when he probably should. He doeseverything on his own and he doesn’t know how to ask for help or support, oreven accept it when it’s offered.

Jamie’s ability to be moreopen (for example I can’t imagine Gary seeing a therapist like Jamie did) meanshe isn’t carrying so many layers of old hurts, all those emotional breaks andsprains that Gary set on his own that never healed properly.  

It takes Gary a longtime to be okay with how vulnerable Jamie makes him because this is the firsttime in his life where he truly has no control over anything. Not over the wayhis heart signed itself over to Jamie, not over the fact that he has to livewith knowing in his bones that he’ll never be able to recover from losing this,and not over the way that Jamie feels about him.

who is physically stronger?

It’s definitely been Carra for the pastcouple of years but by the time the new season comes around we might have to reassessthat. Gary seems to put on muscle really easily? Even when he was young hislegs and arms and booty were never as skinny as Becks or Phil or Giggsy. Hedoes put on weight easily as well now that he’s older but if you look at him between the Skydocumentary thing that was filmed in December and the referee thing which is fromaround April I think and Carrick’s testimonial last month… a LOTTTT more muscleand a lot less not-muscle.

(It would still probably be Carrathough tbh. He’s got those epic shoulders and absolutely RIDICULOUS arms)

who is more likely tobreak a bone? 

Gary. Definitelythe bigger klutz.

who knows best what tosay to upset the other? 

Um. Depends what sort of upset. I’d say Gary if it’s football stuff and Jamie if it’s relationship stuff. 

who is most likely toapologise first after an argument? 

Jamie.

I think they don’treally apologize to each other about any work-related arguments, it’s kind ofpart of the job and all. But if it’s anything to do with them and theirrelationship…  I don’t think they wouldfight that often but if I imagine their first fight for example I think Garymight, like, shut down? 

I mean they would have the fight and it would be shortand cutting and Carra would leave and go have a drink by himself somewhere tocool off and then they either don’t see each other for a while or maybe Carraeven comes back that night and thinks they’ll just have a bit of rough make-upsex and they’ll move on but when he comes back Gary’s still sitting exactlywhere Carra left him and he’s genuinely shocked to see Carra there because hetook the fight as Carra ending things with him and Carra’s like WHAT THE FUCKARE YOU ON ABOUT IT WAS JUST A FIGHT

who is in constantneed of comfort? 

Gary needs more comfortin general; especially like constant reassurance that yes Jamie really doeslove him. Jamie needs it more when it comes to the gay panic stuff/guilt overcheating.

Jamie gives comfort inmore demonstrative ways, with words and with physical gestures. Gary does itmore by just being there and giving Carra space when he needs it – which ishard when it triggers his own anxiety about Carra leaving – but when Carra getslike that he knows he has to give Carra enough room to be able to choose to cometo Gary.

Football-relatedcomfort stuff is complicated because there’s often nothing you can really sayto make it any better but like I always go back to how amazing they both wereon MNF in those two shows in 2014 when Liverpool lost the title. Thepost-Chelsea one was excellent but the one right after Crystal Palace was just…Jamie was so upset there were points where he couldn’t even form actual wordsand he was just making these Scouse noises of frustration. But what I mean isthat it just felt like Gary was his rock that night. Jamie did most of thetalking IIRC but every time he wobbled Gary would step in but then step backand let Jamie at it again, like he was letting Jamie cauterize his own wound bybeing as brutal and honest as he could possibly be. I imagine that Jamie was thesame after Gary’s loss to Barcelona.  

That’s an important sort of comfort too. Just being there as a sort of…idk, foundational support. Letting the other person be angry and upset andconflicted and feel every emotional under the sun and then when they look overthe other one is just there, with them in every way that truly matters. 

who gets more jealous? 

Jamie.

Jamie’s never had to share a person he wasin love with before. It’s a complicated twisted burning jealousy that he can’treason his way out of and that is impervious to the buckets of guilt he triesto smother it with. He doesn’t deserve to feel jealous but eventually he givesup on pretending he doesn’t, on pretending that there isn’t a reckless feral urgesimmering in the pit of his belly every time he thinks about Gary going home toa bed that isn’t theirs. It doesn’t matter that Jamie’s doing the same.  

Just like it doesn’t matter that Jamie goeson a stag do trip and pictures of him and the lads are plastered all oversocial media for a week and he never thinks about it even once in those terms –but Gary goes on one weekend to Paris with Becks and he has to spend a weekhiding the bruises and bite marks Jamie leaves on him.

 who’s most likely to walk out on the other? 

For good? Um. Let’snot go there just now. If it’s just a fight then Carra’s usually the one toleave so he can cool off.

who will propose? 

If it was possible? Probably Jamie. 

In this reality? Also Jamie. 

On their first night together after Gary comes back from his Valencia fling Jamie gets up to hang their suit trousers and jackets properly and fishes around in his suitcase for a while, pleasingly still naked. Gary pulls back the covers for him but Jamie comes to kneel by Gary’s side of the bed instead and before Gary can say anything Jamie’s grabbed his hand and plopped two plain gold bands in his palm. 

who has the mostdifficult parents?

Um. So. I’m still not entirely comfortable with the verycasual way both of them describe being hit by their dads when they were youngand I think that after his dad’s trial something pretty fundamental seemed toshift in Gary. Anyway, less relevant for this sort of meme I guess.

I think that boththeir mums sound amazing though. 

who initiateshand-holding when they’re out in public? 

If they could then itwould be Jamie. Gary would grumble but love it.

who hogs the blankets?

I’m going for Gary on this one. He falls asleep ages before Jamie and steals them all and then Jamie has to figure out how to unwrap him somehow. He finds it’s easier to just stay in bed with Gary even if Gary falls asleep about 20 seconds after coming. 

who gets more sad? 

Weirdly enough I think that Jamie would be more prone to occasional bouts of existential angst. 

who is better at cheering the other up?  

Jamie but that’s also because Gary is easier to cheer up.  

who’s the one thatplayfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

Definitely Gary. Although Jamie is suitably horrified by some of Gary’s dad jokes. 

who is more streetwise?

Jamie likes to think that he is but actually I’d go for Gary. I think that he’s naturally more suspicious of people and much less trusting in general. Jamie could easily get suckered into all sorts of unwise situations. 

who is more wise?

Good question but it’s really hard to say. I think that the biggest blip on Gary’s wisdom record is definitely Valencia and it was a pretty big blip. I still don’t entirely understand it tbh. So they’re pretty close but I think that Jamie’s been much wiser about whether or not to go into management. 

who’s the shyest? 

I’m answering this as who’s the shyest in bed. 

Gary’s shy about asking for what he wants, especially the not-so NC-17 rated things ironically enough. 

Jamie’s a bit of a secret exhibitionist really and once Gary catches on it’s a constant delicious battle between a sort of shyness and being really fucking turned on by Gary watching him, Gary saying things to him about letting other people watch him, Gary making Jamie watch himself in the mirror… idk, can you tell I may or may not have been thinking about this?

who boasts about the other more? 

Gary does, about Jamie. Mainly to the rest of the Co92. 

who sits on who’s lap? 

Gary in Jamie’s lap. That’s like… the holy grail of Carraville mental images. 

#thesecretdetectivecollection #kieranggibbs #you asked together! #so now suffer through my ramblings together XD #carraville

[theaggresivepacifist]

Feel free to ignore me but I'm here to ask you about YOON SE-WON. You could tell me anything you were thinking about him tbh but okay: where do we go from here? When do you think he leaves prison? Can he forgive himself? Will he work again? Can Si-mok and he ever be a team again? (I feel like if Yeo-jin was even slightly less good at making good choices for herself and her life she would take him in. Or is that a good choice?) Idk I just love him and want to know if you have thoughts about any/all these things!

Hi friend! <3 And omg, thank you so much for the ask! I've only recently started thinking in depth about Yoon Se-won and just how tragic and interesting a character he is...and you can probably tell I love to ramble when I'm thinking :D To answer kind of out of order...

When do I think he leaves prison? That is a super interesting question and I don't know enough about sentencing laws in South Korea to answer, so all I have to compare it to is the fact that Kang Jin-seob got sentenced to 22 years for Park Moo-sung's supposed robbery-murder while (the judge thought) lying about it and unrepentant. On the one hand, what Mr. Yoon did was way more violent and calculated, plus he kind of hit several cops at the airport (though I could see Yeo-jin pressing for those charges to be dropped)...therefore I could see it being a much, much longer sentence. On the other hand, I could see him receiving a slightly lighter sentence because he admitted it openly and also clearly had a lot of regret already pre-trial (if him crying in front of Kyung-wan is any indication). Either way, I think he'll certainly be in prison for close to twenty years at minimum. (But if you're looking for fic in which he gets let out earlier, @ohyangchon aka leechangjoon on AO3 has great fic in which he's been released from prison on a special initiative!)

Will he work again? Well, definitely not as a prosecutor, but I could see Kim Jung-bon or another civil righter helping him find some sort of redeeming work after prison - much like Kim Su-hang working in the elderly care home in S2. I don't think Yeo-jin would get involved with that directly, but I see her checking in on him, making sure he's making enough money to pay his rent and keep food on the table, etc.

Can Si-mok and he ever be a team again? I don't think a team, but then again, even in the course of two short years post-meeting Yeo-jin Si-mok became so much more empathetic and genuinely concerned for others, as well as getting shaken up to the point that he realizes no one, not even he and Yeo-jin, are safe from committing corrupt actions under the "right" circumstances. And that dream at the end of S2, that he pictures Mr. Yoon as his colleague, happy and healthy and working as a prosecutor...I think when we last saw him Si-mok is dealing with what Yeo-jin was in S1E16, finally starting to process the hurt and lingering disbelief of Mr. Yoon's betrayal and bad choices. (I say *starting* because he's still detached enough to not think reallll deeply about the fairly obvious implications of Mr. Yoon going away with LCJ in the dream.) I somehow don't see him visiting Se-won in prison, but I picture them a few decades down the line, much older and softened somehow, taking a walk around a lake together and finally having a conversation about what happened, what LCJ meant to them, and putting old grievances to rest. (Ow, this hurts???)

Also, v. curious at what point exactly Si-mok found out that Mr. Yoon was at Anyang Prison and that Yeo-jin had gone to visit him. Did he know all along? What would be his reaction to finding out? I think they'll process all of this differently, and I think there'll always still be an element of distance between Yeo-jin/Si-mok and Se-won. Yeo-jin in particular, while she now knows what he did does not define him, is still able to hold in mind how horrific his crimes were, and maybe there'll never be enough trust to work with him. (I think Si-mok would think working with him is just straight out off the table.) But they *will* reach out often enough to show that they're there for him and they care.

Can he forgive himself? Oooooof that's a difficult one. I think he's going to carry it with him for the rest of his life, and I think it'll always be complicated and compounded by the loss of his son, which I hope he eventually finds peace about. If Park Kyung-wan does come visit him, I think that will help, even though that guilt will never fully be absolved by either of them. But I do think he will realize that he can have a purpose and a mission in the world beyond the short-term one LCJ saw in him, the one that he was willing to plan and accept out of pain and grief. Maybe he will always feel guilt over what he did, but he will also arrive at a place where it doesn't stop him from moving forward and doing his best to live an empathetic and generous life.

Where do we go from here? Season 3 when??? I think it would be a neat completion of the arc that developed through S2, with Yeo-jin and Si-mok and the world around them finally processing the events of S1 more fully, to have Si-mok reach some kind of peace with Se-won. I see Se-won suffering intensely for the next few years but hanging on, just barely, because of people like Yeo-jin and Kyung-wan (and all the people I'm imagining Yeo-jin is going to recruit to visit Se-won) and maybe Si-mok who still care for him and see something worthwhile in him. And when that passes...I hope happiness and peace.

Wow, that was SO MANY more thoughts than I even thought I had XD My apologies for the ramble and I am so grateful for the ask!!! I would love to know your thoughts on these questions too <3

#stranger #tvn stranger #stranger 2 #tvn stranger 2 #forest of secets #secret forest #forest of secrets 2 #secret forest 2 #ask #thank you so much @rainhat #my meta #mr. yoon #yoon se-won #hwang si-mok #han yeo-jin

[meadow-roses]

aske time :) for the writing asks: A1, A2, A10, A12, A14, your choice of anything in B, C8 ( :^) ), C11, D6

A1: Introduce the characters from one of your current WIPs in one or two sentences each. 

Okay let's gooo,,, I'll do The Keepers cause I haven't talked about that one as much. These aren't gonna be the best descriptions but whatever 

Ketsler: Quirky, fun-loving, everyone's weird grandpa, but also the most powerful person to have ever lived. He's old- so very, very old- and he's seen so much over all the centuries he has been protecting the worlds from Chaos, but he still makes an effort to slow down and appreciate the little things around him, because he knows better than most how fleeting life is.

Skylar: Skylar is from a world where faerie circles are real and witches turn people into frogs and trolls live in great, big castles and are slain by talking cats, a world where there's too much adventure to stay in one place, too many people to meet, and too many monsters to slay to stop running. He may be only a human (ooo mystery!!) but he is proficient in Wind magic and carries around a good bit of rune stones he and his pet dragon have found along his adventures. 

Felix: Felix is just a normal human from a small town after the earth becomes united under one world power. He wasn't born with superpowers like most soldiers are, but he was still skilled enough to join a special force working behind enemy lines when the rebellion made its move to free the planet from the tyranny that built this dystopian reality. 

Betty: A very sweet young lady, she's from a planet that was colonized by humans centuries ago. She may seem naive, but Betty can read anyone like a book and uses her gift to help those who are lost find themselves again. 

There's more characters but I'll just stick with those main ones cause I really struggle with descriptions xD

A2: Who's your favorite character to write and why?

Probably Joden? I haven't written most of my characters, but I looove writing his dialogue. He also makes me think so I can keep him clever lol

A10: What’s your character development process like? (As in how you develop them, not necessarily their development in-story)

I roleplay them! The more developed they are, the more I've acted as them. It really gets me inside their head to try and think like how they think, and that results in me being more equipped to "discover" why they are like that. 

A12: What kind of internal conflict does your character go through (want versus need, personality complexes or strong personality flaws/”fatal flaw” kinda thing)? How does this affect them?

It really varies depending on the character? For example Joden has this need to always have a plan, always be in control, and a breaking moment for him comes in when he finally just,,, doesn't know what to do. He's in over his head and the only thing he can do is trust Jacer to do what he can- knowing Jacer doesn't have things under control. 

So that's an example of a flaw that the character gets to overcome, but there also characters whose flaws are part of who they are. Skylar wouldn't be Skylar if he weren't stubborn. Ketsler wouldn't be Ketsler if he weren't arrogant. They never grow out of these flaws, they just learn to control them. Or I guess not be controlled by the flaw. 

This is actually something I think I struggle with for my characters, giving them those visable flaws. I see other people's characters that start out "bad" and grow into heroes, but it kinda seems like all my characters start out as heroes. 😅 I mean, they have flaws, but in comparison to other people's characters they feel really bland in that aspect. Idk

A14: Ramble about your characters. Anything special you like about them? Random little details you’ve added that you enjoy? 

Uh,,, I don't even know where to start I just love all of them for so many various reasons. Joden is just a clever little genius but he still can be so naive. He just has simple pleasures and it's not hard to make him laugh or smile and practically impossible to discourage him. He starts off just,,, wanting his old life back and then he sees what the world is like outside his little bubble and the bubble pops. He sees the atrocities for what they are and to be able to settle down again, he has to fix it. He can't just smile and do as he's told, he can't let the bad guys win. It I just his mother and wife and son he's fighting for, it's the entire wood and the idea of being actually, truly, free.

Jacer is so savvy, he knows what to do and what to say to get into and out of any situation, but at the same time he's just clueless when it comes to genuine connection. He's a princeling who's really never had a friend and now he's saving the world with Joden who only knows how to make genuine connections. Why does he have to keep hugging me??  

And Twylla who's ready to fight anything so she can get her clever idiot husband back? 

Adric who's just doing his best to be a good leader but everything keeps going wrong. He wasn't born to be a king, he wasn't born to lead an army, he always had his big brother to help him do these things and he's gone- he's gone and he's not coming back he messed up again so bad and yet here he is with everyone looking to him for answers and he doesn't know what to tell them. But he's got his friends, and he's got a good heart, and he genuinely cares and they're going to figure it out.

Skylar just keeps running forward and he never looks back at the past he just jumps from one adventure to another stopping the monsters and saving the day. He's got Gigi what more does he need? 

Felix is just,,, he's just such a nice guy. Over and over he stepped into the gap because someone's gotta fly that fighter, someone's got to fire that gun, someone's got to stabilize the bomb, someone's going to lose their life to ensure the victory, why shouldn't it be him? But he never actually dies, somehow he always survives and lives to fight the next day, and the next day and the next day, and then they win the war- the world is free. And even though he's been through so much he still hasn't lost that kindness, that love for all life that makes him himself. He still falls in love and starts a family and has his own beloved children… and even when he loses them he still doesn't become cynical. He still stands in the gap and is the one to fire the gun, to hold the hand of the one who's mourning, to scoop up the orphan child and carry them home. He fights, so others don't have to. Father to the fatherless and hero for all. Also he puts up with Skylar's time traveling craziness lol

And Ketsler? Unlike everyone else he never chose to be a hero. What are you supposed to do when you're a four year old boy and everyone tells you you're the hero they've been waiting for, praying for, you have to save them. It wasn't at all his choice to be born with the power of the universe running through his veins. To hold the Inness in his hands and bend reality to his will. But he didn't run away. He never hid from his destiny. He took the world onto his shoulders and never set it down. Only once- and he's never going to do it again. Never going to ask someone to fill in his role for him, it is his burden to bear… Except not anymore. Despite being multi-millenniums old, all that time didn't dull his appreciation for the little things. A baby's smile, sunshine through the leaves, the change of the seasons. The union of two souls in marriage, or the colors of the sunset streaking a foreign sky. He still sees these things, loves these things, fights for these things. Cause it's the little things he's fighting for, not just the big things. The precious moments and precious lives that make up the worlds. One of his apprentices asked him once, he'd been fighting for so long, when was it going to end? It's not his job to strike the final blow, to end the suffering and bloodshed, just to help. He saves the world, so that he can save it again. 

I have… several more characters I'd love to ramble about but that answer's gotten pretty long so I'll cut it off there. XD

B3: Do you have any plot twists? No need to describe them, just think about what kind of reaction you want from your readers. 

Oh I was just talking to August about this the other day. XD There is one plot twist in the Keeper's story I'm reeaaally looking forward to hehe I want to make people confused and then really mad when the whole thing is stretched out. >:) 

C8: Does magic exist in your world? Who can use it? How does it work?

It really depends on which WIP, but in general I like to keep magic restricted with rules. Joden's story and the Keeper's story are in the same universe (along with ThRoG) and follows that magic system. It's too complicated to go in depth here, but "magic" exists in another plane of existence, and things in the material world have varying levels of connection with it. It's kinda the energy that holds all worlds together and sustains life. The magic realm- the Inness is not a place where physical matter should exist, only spirits can walk there. 

Wizards are creatures that stand with one foot in the physical realm and the other in the Inness. Tevlar is destroying the world basically by turning it inside out- pulling the Inness out.

C11: Have you developed historical figures? How do you develop them? How in-depth do you go?

Oh yes. I am a complete history nerd so if any world EXISTS it has history, and history only happens because people. 

Sometimes it's a thought through process of "somebody needs to go here" and sometimes it's an npc from a time travel rp that took on more importance than I originally intended. 

It really varies how in depth it will go? Sometimes it's just a name to fill a spot and other times it's like, man I could write a whole book about this guy!

One historical figure would be Ares of the Pegasus. He was a powerful warrior that won a bunch of wars and united the different pegasus clans under his leadership and became the first king. He's really famous and people like naming their kids after him in a kinda superstitious hope they'll grow into attributes of his character. Ares is the male form of the name, Aris is for girls. It's like, the most common Pegasian name. XD

D6: Are there any writing styles that inspire you?

Probably the first writing style I wanted to emulate was Tolkien's, but I also really liked Andrew Peterson's? Tolkien is so dramatic, and Peterson isn't heavy on location descriptions, so I'm kinda aiming for in between I guess. 

#thanks for the ask!! #sorry that took so long to answer 😅 #reblog #text #writing #keepers #deepwood #shifters #ask

[snowflake-of-destruction]

let's hear about FFVIII seifer, if you're still doing this XD

Why I like them: You know my tastes. A green-eyed man is introduced throwing fireballs around, is kind of a condescending jerk but in a fun way, instigates deep conversations on high ground while staring at the sunset...Well, before we even get to villainy, immolation, and redemption arc, I start going “Is this a favorite character?”  I’m joking...kind of. Some of that does factor in, even the fire. 

Okay, so my favorite thing about Seifer’s arc is that, in the limited focus he’s given, he’s complex and layered from the beginning, and his villain arc is a clear and fascinating illustration of “No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks” ….with a side of brainwashing.

Let’s break this down:

What are some of the words used to describe him by those that know him (by himself, by Squall, by Fuu and Rai)? Romantic. Idealistic. Sensitive. He is the one who believes in making a difference in the world--not just as a wish or goal, but as an imperative to do what your heart says is right even if it’s going to cost you--where Squall is just follow-the-orders-and-do-the-job. If you’re already reading this and objecting, I’m not saying Squall doesn’t care...obviously he does, defrosting Mr. Go Talk to a Wall and getting him to a place where he admits how many layers of mask he wears is his character development...but Seifer isn’t just a hothead. He wears his heart on his sleeve. 

Don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to deny that Seifer can be an abrasive, self-serving, hypocritical jackass sometimes,  who can fight dirty, wants to “wreak some havoc,” and has a history as a bully--though, gentlefolk of the jury, I submit to the courts that he puts on a tough act like Squall does and they are both different flavors of trying to mimic toxic alpha male--but let’s not forget that some of his establishing character moments are throwing out his future to disobey orders because he sees that the higher-ups have possibly misjudged the situation and civilians could be in danger, and, again, going AWOL because he thinks Squall and Rinoa could be killed. And he calls himself the white knight and holds up a code of honor until the end, even though it gets twisted. He is about duty and honor, with honor even over duty.

Oh, this was only going to be the beginning. I haven’t even begun to touch on what I would want to touch on--this is just surface personality and the beginning of the game before we even get to joining Sorceress Edea, and even then not all I would say-- but this post isn’t actually supposed to be my Ted talk on what you missed if you just think of Seifer as a recurring boss fight. Let’s move on.

ONE MORE THING ACTUALLY. Even though we see a lot of Seifer at his worst, you can use Fujin and Raijin as a mirror. What do they say near the end of the game if we paraphrase/summarize? They knew pretty early on, before even the senseless slaughter and torture era that Seifer was going down a dark path with the sorceress, but they knew it wasn’t him and stayed with him, not because they agreed with his actions, wanted power, or out of fear, but to take care of him and try to break through to him--and not because they are saints, but because he, despite what had happened in the past year, is the type of person who deserves and inspires that kind of loyalty. Let’s think on that.

Now the rest goes under a read more, because I am going to keep rambling and be wordy

Why I don’t: He can be an asshole, and he’s an asshole in an embarrassing way. As in, if one is trying to say he’s not the little punk his KH counterpart is, you remember he still uses the insult chickenwuss (though that is a legacy insult/nickname since he’s known Zell since childhood--and, fyi, Squall uses it too) and he had a little gang in school. Even once he’s a military commander of an evil army set on world domination, he has some moments where his level of petty undermines him.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): The Dollet mission

Favorite line: Sorry, not sorry that the following is my favorite exchange of lines and that the prison torture scene is another of my favorite scenes. For context, Seifer has captured Squall, has him hanging up on the wall in crucified hero imagery, implied to be shirtless even though his character model isn’t because they talk about scar tissue or lack thereof from a recent shoulder injury/Squall being stabbed in the chest/shoulder area. Seifer has been electrocuting Squall for information. By this point, I might as well have put the whole scene here. Also, I am now going to blame Squall and Seifer text boxes in FFVIII for my own abuses of ellipses...

Seifer: " I was hoping you'd be there, Squall. So... how'd I look in my moment of triumph? My childhood dream, fulfilled. I've become the sorceress' knight."

Squall: [internal monologue] ...Sorceress' knight... ...His...romantic dream...? But... Seifer... Now, you're just a…[Out loud] "... torturer."

[Squall passes out.]

Seifer: "What did you say? [Steps closer] Passed out cold, eh? This is the scene where you swear your undying hatred for me! The tale of the evil mercenary versus the sorceress' knight!”

This isn’t just me all “mmm, tension.” Seifer has passed the moral event horizon, and it’s not just faceless NPCs that are collateral damage anymore. We’ve seen him on screen torture the protagonist, who is also one of the only people who he’s shown to have a real bond with that goes beyond superficial. Then we get this and see Seifer thinks he’s the good guy still, on a noble mission where he’s had to make painful sacrifices, and Squall is a representative of the power-hungry evil. Seifer’s been playing a different game, and had his will twisted via magic.

Favorite outfit: The Amano art where the white coat is cast off and he’s wearing the simple black shirt and black jeans under it. Symbolic? Maybe. I wouldn’t give up the coat though. I love the long white/gray coat, the outer embodiment of wanting to wear the white hat, but the desire easily getting tarnished, and the red cross that turns into a sword and becomes Seifer’s symbol and soon to appear other places, emblazoned nice and big on the sleeve. It’s the Cross of Saint James. TRADITIONALLY red represents the blood of Christ, the three lilies represent the honor of the apostle and reference Christ as lily of the valley, and the sword shape represents the torture that St.James suffered before his murder. HOWEVER, my opinion is that here it’s more vague/altered symbolism (For starters, there are other gods not the Christian God in this world) with a side of “looks cool.” We still have something that clearly calls to mind a mission from on high, innocence in the lilies, blood and blood cost, and then war/violence with the sword. And I love it. 

OTP: Seifer/Squall. I should not even start, but lest you think I am just in it for kinky torture scenes: We have these two who, in the beginning, are generally callous or mocking toward everyone, but make each other laugh/smile, see who each other are underneath and describe each other in “soft” terms even if they tease each other for it, repeatedly check in on each other to see if the other is okay, respect each other’s opinion and skills, and...you get the idea. In the words of Zell Dincht, I thought you two were rivals, but you’re all buddy-buddy. 

Pause for a second and let’s just say first impression. That opening fight where they scar each other’s faces? It takes place outside Balamb Garden and the area is shown so we see they are alone. Squall passes out. Squall wakes up in the infirmary within the Garden base. Squall has to explain what happened; people don’t already know. This kind of implies after Squall passed out, Seifer, bleeding from a head wound himself, picked Squall up and carried him home, allowing himself to collapse only when Squall was being safely tended to, because he’s that extra. This is his first (okay, second, after fireballs and face slashing) action in the game even though it’s offscreen. I mean, he could have also just called for help/ran for help, but that’s less fun.

 Seifer is so concerned with being a badass, but he’s admits to Squall all he’s ever wanted was to be the fairytale knight, not a mere soldier. Vulnerability and confession he wants romance....with the first time it’s brought up in game being while they are watching the sun set together, the traditional Square Red Sunset of Shipping. 

Seifer hesitates to defy orders, not for himself, but until he sees Squall is with him. Even though there were other “children of destiny” who all came from the same orphanage, Squall and Seifer were the ones who were never apart, never adopted until it was by a military/mercenary training program, and, even though it may speak more to brotherly than romantic from some angles, there’s a feeling of being the same, knowing each other down to the atoms, adopting an us against the world mindset that trumps trying to best each other when it comes down to it because they are the only constant. When Squall has his breakdown/ breakthrough of why he pushes people away/doesn’t let himself care/tries not to need anyone because people leave/are taken from him and he is scared he isn’t worthy of love and happiness until Rinoa challenges him, this may seem like a dismissal of Seifer, but you can also look at it from “I had no friends or family. I didn’t even have interest in speaking to anyone. I strived to be an unfeeling machine, because all emotion is pain...But also I couldn’t go 48 hours without seeing Seifer.”

Yeah, yeah, we know their main form of hanging out was beating the tar out of each other, but sometimes, especially in older media, this was its own brand of subtext. For more on how Seifer miiiight just view sparring let’s point out that “Isn’t this ROMANTIC?” and “Kneel” as a less easily interpreted as innuendo version of  “I want you on your knees” are battle quotes even in Kingdom Hearts sooo draw your own conclusion. 

We get a line where Squall makes it clear these were friendly matches looked at as pushing their limits beyond what they are allowed to in sanctioned spars, and he feels prepared to take on anything  now because of Seifer. Is it healthy communication  in real life? No! Is this real life? No! Plus, the facial scar was an accident, pretty clearly...on Seifer’s side...I could write another essay on how Seifer draws first blood, but it’s because on Squall’s failed block, AND THEN SQUALL GETS ANGRY AND RETALIATES WITH CLEAR PURPOSE AND MAKES THE OPENING SHOT INTO THE FIRST SIGN GOOD VERSUS BAD GUY ISN’T SO CLEAR CUT (even though they both shouldn’t have been going so hard in a friendly training match to begin with).

 Seifer’s later, repeated threats/expressed desire to give Squall additional scars once he goes evil? That is a different animal, and a horrible one, objectively. Not objectively? No comment. Okay, one comment. Mark you as mine. Two comments. He knows Squall’s lost some memories and he can’t stomach being the next thing forgotten so Squall needs physical reminders.

Hmmm, I was supposed to be talking about the ship, not just the sparring and scars. We can wrap it up with a Marge Simpson. “I just think they’re neat”

BUT ONE MORE THING

Squall’s jacket when he becomes Leon in Kingdom Hearts. His outfit is mostly the same, right? Except the back of the jacket now has a red patch of an emblem (of Rinoa’s angel wings, not Seifer’s cross...for the OT3 feel), and his fight with Sora he throws a fireball like Seifer’s signature. Just, you know, if you want bonus references/feeling.

Brotp: Fuu and Rai. They are willing to commit war crimes with this man, nurse him back from death’s door, and go into exile with him if he can’t return to a normal life even after a redemption arc. This section deserves to be long, but I am beginning to get talked out. Don’t take that as devaluing the friendship though. I’m glad he was allowed to keep his ride or dies in Kingdom Hearts. FRIENDSHIP! They love him, ya know?

Head Canon: What we see of him at the end of the game is a temporary situation and after he heals and refreshes for awhile he’d go back to Balamb and face consequences for his actions, and probably insist on consequences instead of leaning into “an evil sorceress bespelled me and slowly took my free will.” No hiding away in the wilderness. No crossing into and living his life in Esthar. No, “but in the end I broke free and would have been an active, onscreen part of saving the world if Square had let me join the party!” He would insist on being cast into a deep, dark cell. Squall uses pull to get him pardoned, but not before just, flat out, yelling at him for being a martyr.

Unpopular opinion: He did love Rinoa. It may have been a “shallow love,” but he wasn’t just dating her to pass time or because she played into his damsel who needs a hero mindset. There was emotion. He was prepared to die for her and Squall in Timber, and almost did--only being saved by Sorceress Edea...which wasn’t a kindness, but it all worked out in the end. Sure, he gets mind-controlled into using Rinoa as, basically, a human sacrifice and it isn’t Rinoa he wants stripped and brought to his room when we’re taking prisoners, but he cared about her. He does taunt her about their past relationship, but we’ve already established this is just part of his communication skillset.  Yes, I will elaborate more if asked, though it’s more feeling based than text based. 

A wish: If there’s ever a sequel, let him have put out the good in the world that was his dream and be seen as a hero. Let us see a matured and peaceful Seifer. 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: My one fear if they ever remake FFVIII instead of just porting it, is that some of the creative team have said they like the fan theory where you are dead part way through the game and the rest is a dying dream or purgatory. It’s creative stuff; I will say that. It’s not my favorite, and I don’t agree, but those kinds of fan interpretations when they go in depth are super cool. PLEASE LET THE INTEREST IN IT JUST BE THE SAME AS MINE OF THINKING IT’S CREATIVE BECAUSE MAKING THIS  CANON WOULD BE SO, SO BAD FOR EVERY CHARACTER.

5 words to best describe them: stubborn, misguided, paladin, romantic, petty

My nickname for them: I don’t really have one

#seifer almasy #seifer x squall #squall x seifer #such a long post and still not all or even communicated that well probably #you don't have all the facts the facts are i love him #tina-nina

[emerald-amidst-gold]

questions for dragon and wolf otp ❤️ 11, 17, 25, 31 & 50 :3

Let me tell you, I just adore rambling about these two sad, but beautiful fools. And I'm so happy that people like me rambling about them enough to keep asking questions! >:D

So, let's get ANSWERINGGGGG! >:3

11. Who is the most physically affectionate?

Fane. Fane, Fane, Fane, Fane. Fane is 100% the most physically affectionate. A lot of times, he taps into old habits that he used to do as a dragon when he's with Solas. Nudging, nuzzling, resting his head in the other's lap, etc. As time goes on, Fane branches out and develops more ways to express himself through touch. Leaning his shoulder against Solas', reaching out involuntary to hold hands, sitting behind and wrapping his arms around the other while burying his face into a shoulder, etc.

Fane is touch-starved. He would never admit it, but he is. All his life (both draconic and mortal), he's received only ridicule and harsh treatment. So much so that he disassociates from reality and goes numb, and that's even with Mhairi and Cyfrin around him. It also doesn't help that his literal body is a beacon of pain due to his scars. But, all it takes is a brush of a hand against his own, or cupping of his cheek from Solas and the world sings and feels. It seems cliche, but Solas and Fane both know how it feels to walk through life believing it to only a bad dream. They take solace in each other, and Fane desires it through touch. Not always, of course, Fane and Solas merely find joy in existing in the other's sphere, but when nights are cold and the world feels silent and grey, Fane needs more than what Solas' eyes can offer.

17. Do they ever trade clothes?

Ohhh, you're outing me with this question, you fiend! X'D

*takes a deep breath and taps two fingers together* ...Yes. Yes, they do.

Okay! So, obviously, Fane is built different than Solas. I like to think of Solas as being about 5'7 in height. I also like to think his overall structure is slender, but not like impossibly lithe. It's an in-between deal, but Fane is vastly different in structure and height.

Fane is 6'1. He's not as broad as Bull is, and that's because I don't want people to envision Fane as Qunari in build because he's not. He's athletic, but not immovably bulky. He retains the body shape of the Elvhen--slender and agile, but he does have more muscle mass due to the draconic aspects of himself rolling over.

...And because he wields a heavy ass sword to the point where he can swing it with one hand and barely lose his balance with the momentum. (BUFF ELVES FOR LIFE >:3c)

Anyways, the reason I put the above is it explains why Fane can give his clothes to Solas, but Solas rarely ever gives his clothes to Fane. Short story; Fane's would fit Solas, albeit it loosely, but Solas' wouldn't fit Fane.

...Fane isn't hard pressed by that though. He secretly enjoys when a bucket of water somehow finds its way from the rookery down to the elf's desk, soaking him and forcing him to change. *sips tea* Ahhh~ Nope. Not hard pressed at all.

25. How do they comfort each other when one of them is scared?

Presence, presence, presence.

Solas and Fane find joy in existing around each other without words or touch, but they also find comfort in that, as well.

Fane usually has border-line panic attacks after one of his nightmares and when he has to suffer through a bout of retching from either magic or memories of blood and flesh being torn and ripped from his body. During any such episodes, Solas will ground Fane--asking him gentle questions of 'where and what'.

For example: If it's after a nightmare of his father, Solas will ask, 'Vhenan, do you know where you are?' If Fane manages a nod or a shuddering sigh then Solas will continue with, 'Can you tell me where?'. If Fane responds with the 'correct' location then Solas will shift and ignore the 'what' part of the ritual, instead whispering Elvhen and soothing reassurances of, 'You are fine, ma'isenatha. Breathe. Breathe. Take your time, and I know I am here for whatever you need, whatever you desire.'

However, if Fane struggles or can't articulate then Solas will delve into asking the 'whats'. He'll prompt with simple questions like, 'What is solid?' or 'What is cold?'. These open ended questions are meant to reconnect Fane to the physical world, to pull him from the Fade and his spiraling fear inch by inch by urging him to think beyond what initially caused him to plummet (in this case, his father). This process can take quite a while, depending on how entrenched Fane is in his mind and his memories, but when Fane finally does manage to reconnect and utter, 'I'm...awake... I'm awake. Just a nightmare. I'm in Skyhold. I'm in Skyhold..' then that's when Solas will pull his dragon's head close to his chest and stroke his hair, offering familiarity of a kinder essence.

Now, when Solas finds himself quivering with fear, be it from his own nightmares or a momentary sensation of the world closing in, then Fane will do what he does best; observe. This might seem odd, but Fane does this to determine what will help Solas best. If Solas is tensed up, back rigid and shoulders hunched in a defensive position, then Fane knows to use his voice to coax the man back from the edge. If Solas is prone, posture defeated and visibly shuddering, steady hands trembling and chest rising and falling with increasingly sharper and sharper and sharper breaths then Fane knows immediately that he needs to reach out with touch. Not suffocating with an embrace, but just a grasp of hands, stilling the fearful tremors and giving back control. Fane understands how desperately Solas wants to be in control of any and every situation that involves himself, so the moment he detects the hint of terror in blue and grey from it being lost, then Fane knows that Solas needs him to help him get it back.

Once Solas reestablishes that control and the tremors stop, Fane will silently open his arms for his wolf and if he chooses to take the invitation (which Solas usually does), then Fane will always whisper, 'This dragon will catch you as many times as needed. So, let yourself spiral when it becomes too much; I'm here. I'm always here.'

...As you can see. I think about this a lot. X'D

31. Who is the big spoon and why?

To be honest, Fane and Solas take turns. PFFFT!

It honestly depends on how they both move throughout the night! Though, when they start out, Fane is the big spoon because he has a tendency to...curl. XD

So, you know how dragons are shown just kind of curling up like large cats? That's what Fane does with Solas. He'll burrow his face in our dear wolf's neck, pull him as close as he possibly can, and just...pass out. It's one of the fastest ways Fane falls asleep, actually. Solas, at first, was like, 'Fane? ...Fane?', but once it kept occurring all it got were fond chuckles and a single utterance of, 'Good night, ma'isenatha.'

...Fane just chuffs in his sleep and Solas has to try and keep a straight face. My boy is feral. Don't let him fool you. Don't.

50. Who makes the best flower crown?

You all are catching onto me, aren't you?! Aren't you?! *dinosaur scream*

Indirectly, Fane was the best at making flower crowns. Yes, you heard me. Was.

---

Fane used to wander away from Solas during the time of Elvhenan, seeking the forests and the mountains instead of enduring the piercing eyes of the Evanuris and the boiling rage that nearly made his icy core melt with its heat. As such, he would start...poking around in the meadows, draconic curiosity taking him by the horns. Once, during such a necessary venture, Fane stumbled upon a vibrant patch of blooming Gladiolus--golden and sweet. They swayed with magic and spirited wind, twinkling with the song that encased the entire realm.

They were beautiful in a world that had steadily been on the decline.

Fane nudged a bloom with his snout, blinking and huffing as a bell rung from it--glittering essence drawing out from the center and cascading to the earth below. Had the flower just sang? Sang as the spirits and elves did? He found such a thing curious, and so he had nudged another.

Ring. Another bell. He then nudged another golden chime. Ring. Another bell! They did sing!

Fane huffed again, cool breath sprinkling a light frost over the chiming flowers, but they endured with their beauty, with their eternal nature. His burst of air spurred up glittering pollen, wafting the sweet scent of these delicate bells up to his nostrils without preamble.

They smell of honey, Fane mused and began to gingerly nuzzle into the tiny patch, seeking more sweetness, more beauty. Why had he never seen these blooms before? He had graced this world for many, many centuries, and yet, never once had he observed golden Gladiolus. How odd, but it gave him an equally as odd idea.

The wolf likes honey, yes? Fane thought, eyes narrowing as he stopped his mindless snuffling. A feeling of warmth engulfed his snowy core, scales bristling from the foreign sensation before it ebbed away. Why did he always feel so...strange when he thought of the rebel?

Fane huffed harshly at the warmth coursing through him, actually shaking his head a bit before fixing the dazzling buds with an intense stare.

The wolf likes honey. Fane nodded in agreement with his mind and, with one edge of a sharp fang, sliced into the stem of the sweet bloom of gold. He nudged the severed flower to the side, snorting a bit when some pollen invaded his airways, but shook it off to continue gathering more.

Fane made short work of the small patch of Gladiolus, rising with pride to gaze upon his bundle of petaled nightingales. Each one softly chimed and glimmered, not at all perturbed by being uprooted. He supposed the foundation of magic was not so vile, so long as it was used as it was intended.

Now, I suppose I should head back. Fane growled under his breath at that thought. He didn't wish to go back to...to there. The lair of deceit and pitiful, self-proclaimed 'gods' who had nothing but desire in their single toned eyes. But...the wolf was there, and he wan--no, had to stay by the wolf's side.

Heat filled Fane's core again, making him growl once more and shake out his scales as they bristled with a sensation unnatural. Why did he keep getting so warm?! It was mid-spring! Not the height of summer!

Fane growled as the heat stubbornly refused to abate. Begone, begone, begone! He huffed heavily as the ember trickled away, leaving him cool and all together, snowy. There. Better. It must simply be the magic in the air. It is stronger within these woods.

With the heat of oddity gone and his mind decided, Fane turned his head to gather up his...bouquet? Is that what the Elvhen called it? He had seen arrangements done, but none of them held a flame to the golden blooms he--

Fane blinked, eyes staring down at...a spirit? Wait this spirit who was now holding his flowers was--

Wisdom. Fane immediately thought next, form slowly relaxing as he caught the familiar sight of the kindly spirit. Their body ebbed and flowed like the silk robes worn by the Evanuris, but not for a need to flaunt. It was merely their nature, their being. A womanly face gazed up at him, serene smile in place as golden flowers were cradled in ethereal arms.

"Greetings, White One.", Wisdom greeted, swirling eyes of magic and knowledge somehow appearing fond. "I see you have found a rare flower this day." They gently jostled the bundle in their arms, golden essence puffing forth and sound like that of jingling Sentinel armor.

Fane tilted his head at the spirit. They knew of the flowers that sounded of bells? Before he did? Odd, but he supposed spirits of Wisdom would know such obscure things. Wisdom chuckled softly, voice that of a tender breeze.

"I know many things, isenatha.", Wisdom said, communicating with him easily. Although, most spirits did. They gracefully floated down to the ground, images of legs folding depicting the image of them sitting. "Just as I know of a perfect way for you to present this gift."

Fane blinked and found his eyes darting to and fro, trying to avoid the knowing gaze of Wisdom as they smiled serenely up at him. Damn it all! How he wished his disconnection to the minds of others and they to his worked on spirits!

Wisdom hummed, mimicking the chime that sang from the flowers as they picked one up with a delicate swoop of their hands. Fane watched from his peripheral, somewhat intrigued while still wishing to rebuff he had picked the flowers as a...a gift? How ridiculous! He had only want--thought the wolf would enjoy the scent. Nothing more!

"Please, sit, White One.", Wisdom beckoned with patience and a gentle voice. Their hands began to directly interact with the blooms, summoning a tendril of magic to fabricate a vine. "This will take but a moment." A smile danced on their wispy lips, upper half of their face hooded by a vision of a hooded cloak. "...And I have no doubt Fen'harel will be warmed when you offer him this particular crown."

Fane made a questioning growl, but Wisdom offered no more, resuming the odd task of weaving magical vines and twinkling gold. He watched for a time, curious and puzzled, but soon, he found his body carefully lowering to the ground. He curled up a bit, resting his maw upon his claws and observing the act of the spirit quietly. He caught another smile from the kindly spirit before their face went neutral, focused.

A crown.. Fane mused as he watched just that be formed from both the natural and the imaginable. The warmth from earlier began to invade his body again, but this time, he made no moves to shove it away, so entranced by the delicate weaving of gold and blue. He merely narrowed his eyes and watched, letting the ember steadily grow. I want to see the sky smile.

Fane completely missed the tender look in Wisdom's otherworldly eyes, so besotted by the idea of a sight he shouldn't, but would desire.

---

Oh GOD, I blurbed! *yoinks this snippet for potential fuel for later* >:3

#asks #oc: fane lavellan #solas #solavellan #dragon age #ask #thank you so much for the ask friend! X3 #i know the fear one is kind of touching on anxiety and whatnot but i think it falls into the same category :3 #yes. fane knew wisdom which makes later FUUUUN *cries* #dragon!fane is very confused by what he's feeling and is a proud son of a gun PFFFT #*is thinking about solas in one of fane's tunics* ...i am so predictable

[frostsinth]

Royal Flush - Pt. 8

Part 1|2|3|4|5|6|7 - MasterList - Art - Art - Art - Art - Art - Art - Art (<like a seal xD)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Omg. This was not how I intended this chapter to go. But the boys take me where they will. I have no control over them anymore.

I hope you guys enjoy! The next part will be... different than this. Can’t say much more without spoilers.

Check out my MASTERLIST for more ramblings. There’s also SO MUCH art of these dorks, click the #Royal Flush to see all of it. DM me if you’re interested in a commission! All the best!

I quickly fixed my posture, meeting my brother��s eyes. Burying every last bit of panic in a mask of perfect stone. His face might as well have been a mirror of mine, a matching set of carved expressions facing each other. Though our physical resemblance stopped at the material of our statuesque expressions. Valerianus was my opposite in most measurable ways; where I was hot-tempered, he was cool. My chin was angular with a rounded point, his was square. My face was clean shaven, his had a polite blonde fuzz neatly edging his face. I wore solid colors, dark but bold. He wore blacks and greys. Where I was practiced in military tactics, he was practiced in manners of state. Where I was trained with melee, he was trained in ranged... But the breadth of our shoulders was the same. The tightness of our jaws. The hazel brown of our eyes.

There were few things I could imagine bringing my brother out beyond the walls of our castle. And none of them were good. I could feel Grier shifting restlessly beside me, and saw the steely gaze of my older brother flicker to him. I dipped my head in deference to Valerianus, remembering myself after the brief lapse. 

“At your will, Your Highness.” I answered, my voice flat even as my mind raced, falling back into court formalities as if not a day had passed without them. “If you would permit me to introduce King Grier.” I turned to the goblin, bowing slightly and extending one hand towards the goblin, who stepped forward at my movement. My tongue halted over the follow up of ‘my betrothed’ which would have been standard. My eyes flicked to him briefly. “Your Majesty, may I present for you Crown Prince Valerianus.”

“It is an honor, Your Majesty. Though I must apologize for the unorthodox nature of my arrival.” Valerianus intoned upon my introduction, bowing slightly, his voice equally drained of all inflection. “It was necessary to keep my identity concealed until I had a chance to speak with you privately, Your Majesty.”

“Of course, Prince Valerianus,” Grier replied, nodding lightly and tilting his head to the side, “As Prince Nikostratus’ brother, you are always welcome here. And it is a pleasure to meet you formally.”

I longed to shift or wring my hands. I itched to ask why my brother was here. My patience could just barely suffer these formalities while my stomach spun knots. I heard equal measures of curiosity in the goblin King’s voice, though less strained than my own, and watched Valerianus’ eyes carefully consider him. Despite our… complicated relationship, I knew my brother rather well. Like all members of court, he was good at hiding his thoughts. But I had become beyond adept at reading the barely perceptible subtle changes in expression and tone. Especially for those I interacted with regularly. It was how I could sense Gareth’s seething anger and hatred with me (and certainly with Grier) even though he kept his face carefully blank. It was why I could navigate the social demands of court better than any other member. And why I could see, laid into the corners of the lines around the Crown Prince’s eyes, a wariness and anxiousness that belittled his outward calm. It made my stomach flip again.

“I thank you for your cordiality, Your Majesty, and am grateful for your understanding.” He returned, bowing his head slightly again. “It is a pleasure to finally meet you as well. And I believe you have already met my escort, Sir Gareth?”

I nearly broke at the useless exchange, my spine tingling with the desire to shift my weight or turn my head. My throat burning with the need to ask him the question pressing into the back of my teeth. But I waited. Waited with all the patience I could muster, practiced over a lifetime of coming second. With my nerves coiling around my chest and my keen eyes analyzing every flicker on my brother’s face.

“Indeed I have.” Came the cool reply, and scarlet eyes barely bothered with a lingering moment on my old guard, who managed a stiff bow. Grier turned back to Valerianus without pretense. “What brings you to our halls, Prince Valerianus?”

I sent a silent prayer of thanks to whomever was listening for the goblin King’s impatience and brusqueness. I saw my brother falter, obviously not used to such a quick switch from formalities to business. Normally, this might have gone on for another few minutes at least. He nodded slightly though, adjusting after a belated moment.

“I beg your indulgence for not sending word ahead, Your Majesty,” He began, and had I not already been as tense as rock, I would have stiffened at his words, “But I am afraid time was of the essence.”

I felt Grier’s eyes shift to me, and didn’t need to look to sense him taking a guarded stance at my side. “All is well with your family, I hope? Your sister?”

That caused a slight stutter in my brother’s mask, and I saw the corner of Gareth’s mouth twitch almost imperceptibly. The question was decidedly direct, as well as specific, and I saw Valerianus quickly sorting through the possible implications of it. But out of the corner of my eye, I saw Grier’s gaze flick to me again, before back to my brother. A light sparked behind his hazel eyes, and he too spared me a quick glance.

“Yes, Your Majesty. Thank you for your concern. Princess Morgana is fine.” He spoke to the room, but I knew his words were for me. “She is in good health and spirits, and speaks endlessly of the letters sent to her.” I saw the corners of his mouth twitch ever so slightly. What might pass for a smile in my family. “Most especially of the manner in which they are sent.”

I would have collapsed with relief had I less control. The corners of my own mouth twitched back at his words, and I tried not to let my mask slip overly much as I thought of exactly how my sister would ‘speak’ of the delivery method. I imagined her delighted little face at the magical pop and sizzle of sparks; Grier had demonstrated for me how it would happen. A fluttering letter, like a paper butterfly, enchanted to appear before her in a burst of color and float down to her hand. Only to become parchment once more upon her touch. I imagined she must have been very ecstatic indeed; I was certain Valerianus had heard about it more than once.

I broke every rule of etiquette I had ever learned to glance briefly over at Grier. Endlessly grateful to him for asking the question I could not. I wasn’t sure if he noticed my glance, or understood the implications. But when I quickly returned my attention back to my brother, I saw his hazel eyes considering it. While I was certainly more efficient at deciphering hidden expressions, my brother was by no means an amateur. I ignored the lump forming in my throat under his scrutiny, and knew that the moment had not gone unnoticed by him even if it had passed over Grier’s perception. I felt my hands tighten behind my back as I wondered what possible conclusions he was drawing in his own mind.

“I am glad to hear.” Said the King, and his relief was much more evident than mine but no less potent. “What urgent matter brings you then?” 

Valerianus bowed at the waist to him, giving himself a moment to recover from the directness of his new question. “My apologies, Your Majesty, but I do not wish to overstep the bounds of our Treaty unduly. Perhaps it would be best if I discussed this with Prince Nikostratus in private first.” He slowly straightened, cutting an imposing figure indeed as he locked eyes with the goblin King. “I would not wish to seem too demanding of your aid on this matter.”

“Your Highness, if I may,” I interjected politely even as Grier began to open his mouth to speak, pulling my brother’s attention back to me, “If, as you have stated, time is of the essence, then I would suggest we not waste any repeating ourselves.” I saw the thoughts swirling behind his eyes again, and met his gaze carefully. “His Majesty has honorably followed not only the letter of our Treaty, but also the spirit-”

“You forget yourself, Prince Nikostratus.” My brother interrupted sharply, and I quickly snapped my mouth shut. There was a momentary silence, where I held still beneath my brother’s scrutiny again. His lips pinched together ever so slightly, and a cold look passed through the corners of his eyes. “I apologize, King Grier, for our Prince’s disrespect. I do hope he has been conducting himself with more dignity during the rest of his attendance here.”

“Your brother has been the epitome of decorum and nobility since his arrival.” Grier replied in equally chilly tones, obviously displeased, and I noticed him cross his arms over his chest lightly, shifting his weight. Valerianus’ brows twitched at that, the only hint to his surprise at such a casual address. “And he speaks the truth now; I would be honored to assist our neighbors in whatever way I can. Regardless of the bounds of our Treaty.”

There was another pause, wherein my brother sorted through the strange social etiquette he now found himself a part of. I would have laughed, understanding his hesitation as palpably as my own when I had been first faced with such a conversation with a goblin. However, I was by far the much more adaptable of the two of us, and I saw him incline his head slightly to Grier. Working to reestablish the order that had been lost. To return to ground that should have been covered initially, then realizing himself wholly unable, and struggling to find the new ground.

“As you wish, Your Majesty.” He replied as he slowly straightened and tucked his hands into the small of his back. His hazel eyes flicked over to me briefly. “I am afraid I bring poor tidings for our people... A bout of the Rotting Sickness has broken out in our main city.”

A cold dread wrapped itself around my spine at his words, and my heart skipped. “The Rotting Sickness?” I heard Grier echo. “I have heard of this. It is not an illness to be taken lightly.”

Again there was a pause as my brother absorbed the quick and informal answer. There should have been more, in his mind. More discussion, more play of titles and discussion of politics. When none seemed forthcoming, he nodded ever so slightly.

“No, Your Majesty, not at all. The last time we saw it decimate nearly half of our population.” Valerianus replied.

My heart sunk in my chest and my hands tingled with fear. Yet, I couldn’t help but admire the tone with which he delivered the news. Flat, informational, almost indifferent. Especially impressive considering that the last bout had taken the life of his mother… I had been a teenager when my mother had passed. Valerianus had barely been seven years old when his had fallen ill. Though he would never admit it, her death had scarred him deeply. I knew now why he had taken it upon himself to act, before the illness spread too far. And couldn’t imagine this situation was easy for him in any regard.

“Poor tidings indeed,” Grier replied, nodding with the appropriate amount of remorse in his tone and features, “However, and I hope you do not find this overly callous of me, why seek our aid for this?” His head tilted to the side, wild hair flopping about his long ears. “Do you not have enough healers?”

I realized the answer to the same question that had been on my own lips as soon as it left Grier’s. I saw Valerianus’ thoughts working; swirling about in an attempt to formulate a proper and respectable answer. That would eventually, at some point, get around to his actual request.

“It is your magic that he seeks, Your Majesty,” I explained as it occurred to me, and only when my brother’s eyes shot to me did I realize the brusque nature of my answer, but I continued none-the-less, “When last the sickness hit, we had paltry methods to combat it-”

“I beg your forgiveness again, Your Majesty, for Prince Nikostratus speaking out of turn and with such bluntness.” He interrupted me, his deep voice slightly raised. His eyes flashed at me, the most that ever passed for anger with my level headed brother, “I am most astounded at the amount of abject dishonor he casts upon our family. I would like to extend my apologies, humble though they are, and offer whatever I can in recompense of his actions.”

His glare silenced me, and I pinched my lips tight together to hold in the rest of my words. Honestly, I was shocked at myself, and felt a bubble of heat around my collar. How could I speak out so brashly? He was right, I had forgotten myself, and I quietly bit my tongue and bowed my head slightly to show my acceptance of his scolding.

“And I would beg that you do not interrupt my partner when he is speaking,” Came the tart reply, and I nearly broke etiquette again to glance over at the goblin as the corners of my brother’s eyes twitched in concealed surprise, “I have little patience for this banter, as Nikostratus has quickly learned, and he does both myself and your people a service by just getting to the point.”

The silence rang in my ears, and I felt a little spike of warmth in my chest. But I kept my gaze politely trained at the floor before my brother’s feet. I was torn; a small part of me wanted to follow Grier’s lead and speak my mind. To help sort out whatever was needed to aid our people. Before the illness spread to risk further lives. My heart ached for them. However a lifetime under the boot of the human court had me fighting this newfound spirit as a cornered and trapped animal bites at the hand extended in aid. I sensed the goblin King shifting, meeting my brother’s stare with a familiar stubbornness. I tried to look at him out the corner of my eye without moving it. My brother was silent in the face of the King’s reprimanding. I knew he would be struggling to find a response, as by any standards of court I had been exceedingly rude, speaking out of turn. Yet the goblin had defended me, and as King, his word was irrefutable. So what did that leave for Valerianus to say?

Finally, Grier sighed, uncrossing his arms to place his hands on his hips. “You are not at your human court now, Prince Valerianus, but mine. Speak quickly, and try to stay on point.” I saw the three long fingers drum on one hip. “If you seek aid, why could you not simply send word ahead? Surely it would have been easier.”

I saw my brother straighten, almost taking a step back at the continued abruptness of my companion’s conversation. His shoulders squared and the corner of his lip twitched. Gareth behind him looked to grab at the hilt of a sword no longer at his hip. The tension in the room grew a bit more, but I waited until I felt the cool stare of my brother’s eyes upon me to raise my head and meet them. Hazels waited for me, then flicked to the King. Then back to me... I knew the answer. I could read it plain on his face, though I knew he could not speak it without shaming my family and belittling his own presence. My own lips pursed slightly, and a flash of rage rippled through me. But though his expression explained his actions, his eyes also warned me against another outburst. I dared not speak again, unless first spoken to. As was my place. And knew he would not, as it was his place to carry the conversation as the elder brother.

“My apologies, Your Majesty. I am not practiced in the etiquette of goblin court.” He began finally, but his voice retained its cold edge. “Nor, I am reminded, are you familiar with the customs of ours. I shall seek to make myself as… plain as possible.”

Grier’s scowl was much more apparent. “If you find yourself struggling, I am certain your brother would be more than adept at apologizing for your shortcomings to maintain the peace he has worked hard to establish.”

I knew Valerianus must be reeling inside, and I took a mental picture of his face to savor for later. It wasn’t often I saw the Crown Prince at a disadvantage. I would be sure to treasure this. He took an extra moment to wrap his head around the goblin’s casual and blunt approach, as well as his barely concealed insult, and cleared his throat lightly.

“Prince Nikostratus, despite his delivery, is correct in his conclusions, Your Majesty.” My brother continued, his tone back to its polite flatness. “I humbly come before you to request the aid of you and your mages, that they may help us prevent the illness from spreading more than it already has.”

I thought Grier might be enjoying himself a little too much, based upon the twitch of his smile and the glint in his scarlet eyes. He must have realized he had my brother off balance, and like a predator circling his prey, he moved in. As he took a step forward, I was suddenly reminded that he was a good deal shorter than either of us. He physically placed himself between my brother and I and had to tilt his head back slightly to keep his gaze. It was an easy thing to forget that he barely came to the bottom of my shoulder with the way he always carried himself.

“And this is the reason that the Crown Prince himself came all the way to my kingdom, seemingly … well, let’s be honest,” He glanced over my brother’s shoulder at Gareth and smirked, “Unguarded.” He cocked his head back to the side, baring his pointy teeth. “I am glad your King has such faith in our Treaty as to send his heir apparent himself. Or perhaps he is so enjoying the spoils of peacetime, he hopes to tempt me with another son? Perhaps I might sign over the rest of my kingdom as well with a new contract?”

Gareth’s mask broke at the implication, freeing his disgusted look as his brow pinched up and his lips curled back into a snarl. The goblin King didn’t spare him a glance, keeping his scarlet eyes fixed on my older brother. Poking and prodding, trying to throw him further off balance. I could see the edges of Valerianus’ own composure twitching, and was put in mind of my own first interaction with the King… not to mention subsequent ones. I resisted the urge to sigh, and took a tiny step forward to my brother’s defense. Very subtly placing myself at the King’s side again.

Grier’s attention flicked to me at my movement, and I met his gaze steadily. I couldn’t let my mask falter. Not in front of these wolves. But I hoped my eyes would be able to relay the message my lips could not. He considered me for a moment, then nodded, sighing deeply himself and waving one hand in the air.

“Ah, but it is not for yourself you are here for, but for your people.” He amended, and I saw the tension begin to leave my brother’s face. “This is something I can understand… I would be more than happy to provide our magic for your service.”

Valerianus nodded, fixing his chipped mask back into place. I noticed a brief glance tossed in my direction, but politely pretended I didn’t. I knew he was surprised. Not only at the prior silent exchange between myself and Grier, but also the lack of additional haggling. His position was obviously desperate. I knew he had fully expected to have to give something away in exchange for the healing magic. There was a pause, yet again, as once more he tried to sort himself out. To return to proper etiquette as he knew it.

“I am… most grateful, Your Majesty,” he began finally, and although to the untrained ear his voice would still sound flat, I heard the slight apprehensiveness to it, “We are of course willing to pay for-”

“I have all I need, thank you, Prince Valerianus.” Grier interrupted, waving his hand. “How many do you estimate have been infected so far?”

Valerianus paused, then turned his head slightly, glancing over his shoulder at Gareth. The guard had not managed to fix his face yet, and quickly bowed to his Prince to conceal it. 

“We believe most of the lower city will have been exposed, Your Majesty, with at least half showing symptoms.” He replied, his tone bitter.

I knew his words were purposefully nondescript to be a dig at the King’s knowledge of our people. To force him to ask a question and therefore prove himself at a disadvantage to our knowledge. But Grier merely ignored the guard as if he hadn’t spoken at all. He didn’t even cast his scarlet eyes in his general direction, and I saw Gareth’s cheeks flush with his anger. He was not used to being ignored in such a way.

“I will send enough of my… what was it you called them? Mages?” He cocked his head to the side, considering my brother. “A full contingent to heal those infected and another to ward the rest of the city against the spread.”

Valerianus brought one arm around to his chest, clasping it across and bowing low. “We are most grateful, Your Majesty. I beg that you would allow us to show our heartfelt gratitude in some way.”

He spoke formally, with the usual flat edge to his tone. But I knew my brother was genuinely relieved. We were vastly different in many ways, my brother and I, from our taste in clothing to our personalities. Yet there was one thing I was more than happy to share with him; our love of our people and kingdom. I knew his sense of honor and duty ran as deeply as my own. Perhaps due to my mother’s influence in his life; she had raised him as her own after all for nearly 16 years. And though she had never managed to have the pair of us get along, and despite his faults... I had my hopes that he would make a great King one day. I bowed my own head, as was expected in such situations, and used the opportunity to sneak a peek at Grier out the corner of my eye. Thankful that he was not only a good man, but a good King as well. Perhaps my brother might have something to learn from him, if he was willing.

Grier waved his hand through the air again. “No need, Your Highness. Seeing your city myself will be thanks enough.”

The silence that dropped on the room could have killed a man with its weight. The lump returned to my throat, yet I forced my head to remain bowed. Even as I sensed Valerianus slowly straightening.

“I… We would of course be pleased to host you, Your Majesty,” My brother managed, “You are our most valued ally. Though of course you must allow us proper time to prepare for your visit.”

Grier scoffed. “No need for that, Your Highness. We are soon to be formally united after all,” I felt the tension in the room tighten around my neck like a noose, threatening to strangle the air from me, “And I will be personally overseeing the warding of the Castle to be certain you are all safe from this horrid sickness. I would not leave such an important task as protecting my husband’s family to an underling.”

My ears suddenly caught fire, and I was glad my head was still politely bowed. I itched to speak, to make some excuse or offer some alternative. I felt the cold, sinking dread returning to trickle down the base of my spine at the thought of facing my father and the court at large. But I felt the hesitation engulfing me, my childhood as a helpless bystander settling my tongue into ever silent stone. I blinked slowly, because I knew exactly how this conversation was about to end.

“That is… most kind of you, Your Majesty.” Valerianus replied cordially, his tones forcibly polite. “We would hardly wish to trouble you-”

“No trouble at all, Your Highness.” Grier quickly interrupted, and I could hear the toothy grin in his voice. “I am actually quite excited to finally be able to meet this King Tiburtius I have heard so much about. My mother told such tales of him when I was a child. I am eager to see if he lives up to them.”

Another deafening silence, another few millimeters squeezed from my breathing passageway. My breath was dangerously thin and shallow now, and my heart raced. But I kept my eyes trained on the ground. Do not speak until spoken to, I thought quietly, repeating it over and over to myself as if a mantra to keep me grounded. It was not my place to speak. I had no doubt Grier would not mind, but knew he would not think to invite me into the conversation. And certainly my brother would think it disrespectful to address me rather than the King, even if only for a moment to alleviate the fast growing tension. He was the Crown Prince, he could not request my aid even if he wanted it. I nearly quivered beneath the pressure to remain silent. Fighting harder than I had since I was a child still learning to hold my tongue in the presence of my betters. Those were lessons hard learned, and not so easily dismissed.

“...As you wish, Your Majesty.” Came the final reply, and my heart sank. Even though I had known it was coming. Even though I knew there was no other possible outcome. “May I ask when we should expect you?”

“We can be there first thing tomorrow.” He replied, his dancing voice betraying his eagerness. “I would not wish to delay any further than that; our magic is powerful, but we cannot bring back the dead.”

“Of course, Your Majesty. Your haste is most welcome.” I heard him bow, and slowly raised my head, preparing for the farewells. “I would beg your permission to take our leave then. We have a long ride ahead of us.”

“Nonsense. You are welcome to stay the night, Your Highness,” Grier offered, returning his hands to his hips, “We can return together in the morning.”

My brother dipped his head politely again, seeming pleased with the protocol of the offer despite the informal delivery which allowed him to fall back into standard and practiced conversational responses. “Your invitation is most kind, Your Majesty. However, I am afraid we cannot accept it. We must see that things are prepared for you and your people’s arrival tomorrow.”

“Then I will instruct my secretary to charm your horses. You shall be back to your lands and castle well before noon with this aid.” He returned, and his tone left no room for argument.

Valerianus bowed deeply at the waist. “I am eternally in your debt, Your Majesty,” He returned “For your continued aid and generosity.”

Grier’s grin returned, and he offered his own slight bow. I almost winced. Kings weren’t supposed to bow. And yet somehow, his managed to seem both magnanimous and arrogant. I saw my brother’s eyes flicker over him, and wondered exactly what he thought of my betrothed. I felt the dry lump in my throat shift, desperate to be released. But I held still as the formalities of farewell were exchanged before the Crown Prince turned to me.

He hesitated, and I met his eyes briefly before he offered me a tiny bow as well, as was expected. The look there was unreadable, even by my perceptive nature. Though I suspected it had less to do with my observation skills and more to do with Valerianus’ own muddled thinking. I returned the same bow, and held mine as he turned and strode past. Gareth skirted around behind me to stay at his heels. Grier followed them as far as the door, and I felt frozen in place even as I heard the latch clunk. I stared off at some distant point, not fully seeing anything at all. The numbness spreading through me. The soft click of the goblin King’s boots announced his return even before he slipped into my line of sight.

“They are gone now,” He reassured me, a lopsided smile on his face, “You can relax.”

“...Thank you, Your Majesty,” I managed, my voice barely above a murmur and flat as polished glass, “You are not in any way obligated to provide such aid, but I am grateful you are still willing to.”

I saw him pull back slightly, and confusion filled his heavy brow. Then there was a flash of anger in his scarlet eyes. “Tell me that you are joking.”

My eyes stayed still fixed on some distant point I couldn’t see. “I am not sure what you mean, Your-”

“Stop.” His voice sounded pained now, and I felt an echo of its ache in my own chest. My lips clamped shut, tightening to keep from quivering. “... Why are you doing that again? Speaking like…” He shook his head, and I saw his hands purl into fists. “I am trying very hard to keep my calm right now, but… Haskl’an svrit, would you just-” I jumped as his hands suddenly clamped around my face “-Look at me, damnit!”

I did look, meeting his gaze in surprise. His touch was light, yet might as well have been a bucket of water dumped over me. I felt myself slowly beginning to refocus, pulling back from that distant, glazed look of formality. But my mask was more firmly fixed in place than I thought, based upon the desperation that his eyes darted back and forth between mine with. My jaw tightened, and I swallowed hard. Finally beginning to dislodge the lump that had sat there throughout the meeting. Still, the statue ingrained into my personality lingered, chiseled back into place by my brother’s appearance.

“Talk to me, Nikostratus,” He begged, and his thumbs ran across my cheeks, “What happened?? Did I do something wrong? Just talk to me, please.”

I realized I was still slightly bent at my waist, and slowly uncurled. Pulling myself free from his hands as I straightened to my full height. “... What would you like me to say?”

His brow scrunched up, and a scowl came to his lips as his eyes seemed to flash a deeper shade of scarlet. “Anything. Anything you want. Lecture me on human etiquette and all the rules I just broke. Tell me you’re regretting ever signing the marriage contract. Lose your temper and yell at me. Something! Just… don’t shut me out again.”

I paused, dropping my eyes to the ground. My brain and emotions at odds trying to sort out what I was supposed to be doing. I willed my mouth to open, and felt my lips part slightly. But no sounds came out. Hesitantly, I managed to bring my hands around, and thumbed at my palm. I blinked slowly, and felt my lips slowly close again.

“... I saw it.” He told me softly, stepping closer and trying to slip back into my line of sight. “I saw him silence you. I heard him scold you, just for speaking.” His hand came out, catching around the back of mine still clasped before me. I stiffened slightly at his touch, then winced, disoriented again. “I can’t imagine that was the first time…  I get it now, I think… Why it’s so hard for you.” I froze in confusion as he stepped closer, wiggling his fingers between mine. “... but you don’t have to do that for me. I want to hear your voice. I want to know what you’re thinking.”

I started shaking my head before he had even finished speaking, and sought to untangle my hands from his. My mouth flapped open uselessly, and I tried to still myself. I looked down at my palms and fingers, glanced over at where his lingered in the air between us.

“Just… speak. No filter.” He pressed. “Whatever comes to mind...”

There was another pause while I tried to work up my courage. Tried to sort through the jumble of thoughts long enough to push one out.

“... Why did you do that?” I finally managed, my voice soft. It sounded strange, and distant. As if it came from a different place than my own mouth.

“Do what?” He stepped forward, but I matched him for a step back. “...Offer aid? Agree to help your people?”

I shook my head again, trying to dislodge the haze over my thoughts. “... Decide to go to the castle…” I looked at him, hesitant and uncertain. “Did you… did you even think about it? O-or was it just…” I stopped, hesitating.

“Just what?” He encouraged, though I could hear the edge of pain in his voice. “It’s ok, please. Just what?”

“Was it… was it just another game… another tactic... to gain the upper hand?” I finished, uncomfortable with the words as they came slipping past my guards.

Grier was quiet with that for a moment, watching me as he chewed it over. I wasn’t sure what remains of my composure was left, but stood still under his scrutiny. “...I thought it would make sense to. I thought maybe you could see Morgana again, and… I thought maybe it would be nice to see where you grew up.”

I nodded slowly, rubbing at my palm again. “S-so you did think… you just didn’t think to…” I clapped my mouth shut, choking on the words.

“Nikostratus,” He breathed, sounding exasperated, “Please, just tell me what I did wrong! I thought I was helping! I thought you would be pleased!” He took another step towards me, but stopped short as I took a returning step back. “... I just wanted to make you happy.”

I opened my mouth and closed it twice before I finally managed to work around the lump still in my throat. “You did think…” I repeated, then glanced up at him, “...You just didn’t think to ask me.”

He blinked, then threw up his hands. “Ask you what? What was I supposed to ask you?” I winced visibly at his gesture, and he quickly corrected himself into a less intimidating shape. He heaved a quiet sigh. “... Ok... Then I’m asking now… What should we do? What do you want?”

I took another shaky step back even though he hadn’t moved, and found myself bumping into the back of the couch. I leaned against it heavily, easing the weight off my feet, and my shoulders slumped slightly. I noticed him start to inch closer now, and glanced up at him warily. The expression on his face… It was too loud for my eyes which were still attuned to pick up the minute changes of a stone mask. His pain, his confusion, his frustration. It almost burned me to see it so plainly written across his sharp features. I looked away.

“... I-I… I don’t…” I swallowed hard, digging my fingers into the fabric of the couch beneath my palms. “... I-I don’t want … I don’t want to go back.” I forced the words painfully from my mouth, and almost shuddered as they came out. I dropped my head with the confession, bringing my hands up to cradle it. “I don’t want to go back…”

Then he was there, at my side, reaching up as if to touch my face. But he hesitated, though I wasn’t sure if it was out of deference to me or because my own hands were still covering it. I peeked at him between my fingers, before slowly lowering them again. Keeping my head bowed. I felt my mask breaking down, and it cut me deeply as it fell. I was left raw, and so unnerved I shifted and shook my head once more. If I hadn’t clenched my hands into fists, they would’ve quivered where they rested.

“I-if I say it… I-I’ll ruin it.” I told him softly, my voice weak even to my own ears. I paused, hesitating again. “That’s… that’s what always happens. But… I don’t want to go back… Grier… I…. I like it here… W-with… With you.”

I let him touch me now. I didn’t resist as his hand came up and smoothed across my cheek. “You’re not going back. You don’t have to go back.” His thumb rolled against my skin again. “You can stay with me, if that’s what you want.”

“... I-I…” I shivered, and he gently rubbed his hand along my jaw soothingly. I reached up, cupping my hand over his. “I’m... I’m not sure… but… But I think...” I felt ashamed with the way I leaned into his palm, closing my eyes. Breathing in his scent. I was weak, and I couldn’t resist the warmth of his touch against the chaos of my mind. I shook my head slightly and retreated from my uncertainty into more familiar waters.  “... He doesn’t know.”

“Who doesn’t know?” He sounded surprised by my sudden switch.

“The King. He doesn’t know Valerianus came here. That’s why they didn’t send word. That’s why he came undercover.” I turned, slowly opening my eyes again to meet his, calming with his gentle touch. “The King doesn’t want our help. He must have forbidden the formal request. So Valerianus went behind his back and came anyway.”

To my surprise, Grier chuckled, stepping closer and reaching up with his opposite hand to trace it along my neck. “Well, perhaps you and your brother have more in common than I originally thought.”

“Not that much…” I said dryly, and Grier laughed again.

“There you are, my young Prince.” He murmured sweetly, slowly smoothing his hand against the tender flesh at the side of my neck. I felt my tension start to ease at the tenderness in his voice. “I was worried for a moment we were back to where we started two weeks ago.” I dropped my gaze shyly, and felt his thumb roll against my cheek. “I would hate to start over again… especially after last night. That would be a special kind of torture.”

Instantly I felt my face flush, and started to shake my head. My heart raced in my chest, and I would have stood to escape his embarrassingly forward words had he not been standing directly in front of me. His new chuckle was deep in his throat, and I could hear his smile in his words; though I refused to look at him.

“Ah, yes. Apologies. I will politely refrain from mentioning that I slept in your arms last night. It is far too scandalous to bear.” He teased, and I nearly squeaked as my cheeks blazed. His responding laugh did nothing to soothe me. “You do know we’re getting married, right? This will hopefully become a regular occurrence, if I have any say in it.”

I swallowed hard, blinking rapidly and trying to clear the fog settling around my thoughts at his words. “A-ah… b-but not yet…” I’m not sure how I managed to flush an even darker shade, yet felt even hotter at his words. “... I-it’s improper until… umm…”

He freed his hand from under mine and tucked it beneath my chin to gently tilt my face towards him. “Says who?”

I was surprised by his question, my hand falling back to the couch, and adjusted my tongue in my mouth for a moment before responding. “Etiquette. Even a betrothed couple does not share…” I dropped off, and tried to look away. But he kept a firm grip on my chin, keeping me in place. I glanced at his scarlet eyes. “N-not until they are married, at least…”

He smirked, and my heart skipped a beat at the sight. “For human couples, perhaps.” He tilted his head to the side. “But we are not a human couple… nor a goblin couple.” He thumbed my lip, and I saw his attention drop to it briefly before flicking back up to my eyes. “I think we can make up our own rules, given the circumstances.” He leaned in a little. “I am King, afterall. And what good is it to be King if I don’t get a few… benefits?” His grin became more coy. “For instance, having a handsome Prince as my betrothed… and in my bed.”

I shivered slightly as he skimmed his thumb over my lip once more, watching his eyes dart down to it again. His words left me scalding hot and flustered, and I made some useless sounds for a moment. I was surprised he could stand touching my cheek considering its blaze... Though I supposed he had a point... I had no good argument for him, nor, I realized quietly, did I want to find one, and so fell silent. But couldn’t help my own eyes flick down to his own lips. I watched them split into a thin smile as I did, and swallowed nervously.

“So tell me, my young Prince... What would I have to do to earn another kiss?” He murmured, easing himself between my knees so that his torso almost scraped mine and my thighs brushed against his hips.

My breath faltered and I felt the flush spreading beyond my face. I would have leaned away, but was already precariously perched on the back of the couch. Despite this, I was still a little taller than the goblin, and he tilted my chin down to keep our eyes locked. I swallowed again, and couldn’t help glancing back at his lips. He stretched up on his tiptoes, lingering barely a hair’s breadth away from my mouth.

“Not much…” I mumbled in reply without thinking, my head already spinning. Our lips almost brushed together as I formed the words, so close did he linger to mine. I fought to try and regain my senses, but found myself far too distracted by his proximity and the heat washing through my body at the sensation of his breath whispering across my lips.

His smile became teasing, and I saw his thin eyebrows wiggle in amusement. “Well, I am sending a contingent of my people to cure your home city of a deadly illness… Perhaps that is deserving of a reward?”

I almost smiled back, and the corners of my mouth twitched. I saw his eyes light up at the sight, and I couldn’t resist leaning forward. Closing that last little whisper of space. Brushing our lips together ever so lightly. I felt him lift off the balls of his feet, pressing in a little closer. But I fell back shyly after a moment.

He rocked back himself, eyes fluttering to glance at my lips again before meeting my gaze. “... I also didn’t throw that pitiful excuse for a guard into a cell for his disrespect. That was pretty good of me, wasn’t it?”

My lips twitched again, and I boldly bent down, kissing him lightly once more. His mouth parted slightly and I could taste his breath in my lungs. A moment later, I leaned back again, and he ran his thumb along my cheek.

“... How about the fact that I was properly civil to your brother? I didn’t try to get him all flustered-”

“You did try.”

“Well,” he scoffed, “But I stopped! That’s got to count for something.”

I didn’t bother arguing, secretly happy to have an excuse to curl back down to kiss him one more time. He stretched up as far as he could go, pressing our mouths together. I felt a tickle of excitement run through me as his hand at my jaw slid back to wrap around the base of my skull. I recognized his trap for what it was, but allowed him to pull me into it anyways even as my heart skipped in my breast. He stepped in closer, brushing our bodies together. My own hand moved from the couch to slide slowly around his waist. I could feel his grin of pleasure against my mouth. Could feel the skim of his sharp teeth against my lips. I responded willingly as he deepened the kiss, and I felt his long tongue slip past my defenses as his hand previously at the side of my neck began to slide firmly down my front. I quickly began to try and think of something else as I suddenly realized his end goal and my whole body began to grow hot.

Grier moved carefully, but purposefully, his lower hand massaging along my sides before trailing lazily down to my hips. He brought his body closer, his hair spilling like strands of wheat hued water down his back as he craned his neck to keep our mouths locked together. I kept my free hand on the back of the couch for balance, and it twitched as his tongue twirled around mine. I could feel each breath he drew press his chest against me, and the heat of him melted through my clothes. I maintained a rolling monologue in my head to distract myself, but couldn’t resist curling my shoulders to better crush our mouths together and let him rock back on his heels. Couldn’t help the little hitch in my breath as he kneaded his fingers against my muscles.

He shifted his grip on the back of my head, rolling his thumb under my chin and finally breaking us apart. Though only to angle my face to the side, then his lips came against my jaw. I felt his tongue flick at my earlobe and shuddered. Redoubling my mental efforts as he traced his hot mouth down the side of my neck, even as his lower hand began to squeeze and work up my inner thigh.

“Shva... vent, non…”

Grier pulled back, looking up at me with surprise. Instantly I flushed dark, and swallowed hard. Clamping my lips shut as I realized I had let my mental efforts slip into a much more physical form.

“... What was that?”

I shook my head sharply, quickly dropping my gaze. “N-Nothing!”

“... You said something.” His head cocked to the side, his actions stilled in his curiosity. “I think it was in goblinese. What did you say?”

“A-ah… I-I… I was umm…” My lips felt bruised and numb, and my tongue certainly wasn’t up to par. I swallowed hard, rubbing at the back of my neck with my free hand guiltily. “I-I was… I was reciting the goblinese alphabet… backwards...”

He laughed out loud in bewilderment, a wide grin splitting his face. I was still too embarrassed to meet his eyes, but he slid his hand around to cup my cheek again. “What ever for??”

I cleared my throat, still blushing furiously. “...To… um… dis-distract myself.”

“To…” He stopped suddenly, as he realized what I meant. I wasn’t sure how his grin managed to grow even bigger. “Well. And here I thought I was simply failing to impress.” He leaned back in, until our noses touched, and my breath hitched with the intensity in his scarlet eyes. “... Don’t mind me then. I won’t stop you.”

I jumped as he nipped lightly at the tip of my nose with his pointed teeth. Then he gently pushed my head to the side and began to lick and suck at the curve where my neck met my jaw. The sensation coupled with his breath in my ear sent goosebumps spiking across my skin, and I shivered. I felt his hand on my leg begin to move again, in coordination as his other slid down my chest then around my waist to rub at my back. Pulling me closer to him as his mouth worked its way down my jugular. My head swirled at the sensations he pulled from me, and I felt my mouth drop open a little.

I blinked rapidly, trying to push aside the heat rippling through me. My mental fortifications were not enough anymore, with his hot tongue rolling across sensitive flesh… I switched tactics. 

“... Vent… n-non,” I breathed aloud, as softly as I could, then I gasped a little as he grazed his teeth against the crook of my neck, “Mwun-n… tw...t-twa… nya...” I felt him trace the pad of his thumb across the stiffening bulge between my legs, despite my best efforts to deny its existence, his touch teasingly feather light. My arm around his waist clenched and flexed as I attempted to hold still. “Sh-sho… ack…” He undid the top button of my shirt collar with his teeth, “... N-nya…”

“You already said ‘nya’.” He murmured, his voice husky, and I felt his long tongue flick at the hollow at the base of my neck. Another ripple of excitement washed through me. I didn’t have the presence of mind to respond.

“... Sho… a-ack…” His hand was pressing harder against me, pinning my erection against my pelvic muscles. I couldn’t help rolling forward ever so slightly into his movement, if only to keep from being pushed off the couch. The rough fabric of my pants against the sensitive flesh combined with his pressure was making my lips fumble uselessly over my attempts to stay on track. “... h-hau..” He eased his way along its length until his thumb found the head, and I drew in a sharp breath. “Shit.”

His chuckle vibrated against my own throat. “That’s not one of ours.” He moved his lips against my skin as he spoke, and I shivered at the sensation with a huffy breath escaping between my clenched teeth.

My free hand grabbed at the wild hair at the back of his head, and I yanked him away from his administrations at my neck. Forcing his head back and crashing our mouths together once more. His hand rubbing at me curled, finding purchase to partially wrap around my cock through my trousers. I fed him a groan, sliding my thighs almost closed to pin him between them. He nearly pushed me off my perch with his feverous pursuit of my lips, and I shifted carefully to accommodate him. I felt his smile, and tasted his delight as he slipped his tongue back into my mouth. I sucked at it lightly, daring to slide my hand at his middle down to his backside and pull him closer. I hesitated, faltering slightly, but was only rewarded by his hand as he began to massage it rhythmically up and down my member. I found my own hand could cover almost the entire spans of one cheek, and took up a handful of his ass with a firm squeeze. Jerking his hips towards me. I swore I could taste his own excitement and delight.

Suddenly there was a loud knock that had us both jumping. I started to fall backwards in alarm, and had to release him sharply to grab at my seat and keep from toppling over the edge of the couch. Grier hooked his other hand around my waist as well to steady me, panting slightly as he glanced over his shoulder angrily.

“Ta mal’shon??” He snapped loudly. I quickly fumbled, starting to straighten myself. I was impeded by his unwillingness to free me from his arms.

“Apologies for the interruption, My King,” Came Hibik’s voice, muffled through the door, “The goblins you requested are assembled and awaiting your address-”

“Then let them wait!” He shot back.

My eyes widened slightly. “Y-you can’t make them wait.”

He scoffed. “Sure I can.” His hungry eyes returned to me. “... An hour won’t hurt them.”

I was shaking my head, my flush returning as I moved to stand. “Grier-”

“Don’t you ‘Grier’ me.” He grumbled as I slowly started to unwrap his arms from around me. “You almost never say my name. You can’t use it against me now.”

I paused, looking down at his wrists in my hands. I hesitated, but then ran my thumbs over them. My blood was still rushing through me and my head pounded. Not to mention the painful throbbing ache at my pelvis. But my thoughts were slowly clearing without his mouth on mine and his body pressed against me. I swallowed hard and shook my head, trying to further clear it. Even as they attempted to wander back to...

“...Perhaps it’s for the best,” I mumbled, still staring at his hands, “I-I shouldn’t have let things… get so out of hand.”

He groaned, shaking his head. “This is EXACTLY what I was afraid would happen. You’re going to end up overthinking this, and then-”

“I’ll…” I cut him off, then hesitated, stopping short, “I’ll… try not to do that… But, ah…” I blushed profusely, releasing one of his hands to reach up and rub at the back of my neck. “If… you know… w-well…” I cleared my throat and shifted my weight before changing the subject. “... There’s still a lot to do before tomorrow…”

That was certainly a sobering thought. The reminder of my impending return to my father’s kingdom had the blood draining out of my face. My expression must have shifted noticeably, because Grier’s turned his wrist still in my grasp to intertwine our fingers and give a gentle squeeze.

“We don’t have to go.” He told me. “I’ll send Hibik. I’ll make some excuse.”

I shook my head again. “It’s… It’s too late now. We have to. Besides… “ I sighed, “If the King is going to be involved, things are going to get… difficult. I should be there… To smooth things over.”

He winced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think it through. Didn’t think about what returning there would mean to you.”

I hesitated, then squeezed his hand back. “I’ll be fine.”

The goblin’s eyes flicked to the door, then coyly back up to me through pale lashes. “... I don’t suppose I could just convince you to pick up where we left off?”

I laughed, short and brisk, my head shaking again to hide the twitch at the corner of my mouth and the fresh wave of heat that washed through me at the thought. I heard him sigh again, giving a soft grumble. I looked back down at our hands, and nervously ran my thumb over his.

“... It sounds stupid… but, I’m kind of…” I stopped, biting my tongue and feeling the flush rise back to my face.

“Whatever it is, it’s not stupid.” Grier reassured me, his voice soft. “... Tell me.”

I rubbed at the back of my neck again. “... I’m kind of glad we were… ah…” I swallowed, my eyes flicking over to the couch, my skin tingling. “... Interrupted… I would prefer to be less… um...I-I sort of thought that it… that w-we…”

He waited as patiently as he was able, distracting himself with bringing his free hand up to run over my knuckles and the inside of my wrist. I swallowed, watching him for a moment as I tried to pluck up the courage to finish my train of thought.

“W-well… I thought we could… that we could… make it …. You know… ah… s-special.” My face blazed as I forced the final word stutteringly from my mouth. I shuffled my feet sheepishly. “A-ah, I’m sorry, that sounds dumb-”

“It sounds romantic.” Came his soothing reply, and I dared a glance up at him. He smiled warmly at me, sliding his free hand up my arm as he snuck in closer. “I like the idea. Less hungry. More intentional.” His smile grew. “Still passionate though.”

“Y-you don’t have to humor me-” I started, already starting to get a little flustered and distracted by his proximity as his roaming hand slipped about my waist. I could almost feel it rolling up and down my member again.

“I’m not.” He assured me, pulling our clasped hands to tuck behind him. Pressing the back of my hand into the small of his back. He chuckled almost sheepishly. “Honestly, if the candlelit dinner in the garden didn’t clue you in that I’m a romantic at heart, I’m not sure what would.” His smile became sly, and I swallowed nervously. “You know, all the good love stories have a Prince charming in them... I never thought I’d be lucky enough to find my own.”

A tingle shot down my spine, and I didn’t even realize I was leaning down to meet him as he stretched up until our lips brushed together again. The scent of him drove me near mad, and my mind raced. I felt his deep, contented sigh, felt him begin to melt against me again, pinning our bodies back together. I started to pull back, but his arm around my middle tightened.

“Grier,” I breathed against his lips, distracted, but insistent.

He kissed me again, and I lingered in the taste of him for a moment. I drew our mouths apart, but didn’t withdraw far. His breath still splashed against my cheeks as he sighed again. 

“I know, I know…” He murmured, and rolled up onto his tiptoes to press our lips back together. I blinked stupidly for a moment when he rocked back on his heels again. “... I’ve never had such a compelling reason before to forget being King…” He grinned up at me like a fool. “... Can we move the wedding up?”

I stiffened a little at that, and gave a nervous laugh. Uncurling, I straightened to my full height, and he dropped his arm from around my waist. But our other hands remained clasped, and he brought them around between us again. He ran his thumb back and forth over my knuckles.

“... You know about the lower city?” He asked softly. “The layout, the entrances?” I nodded, still distracted by the lingering taste of him on my tongue. “I’ll send the Masters to speak with you after I’m done with them. To plan how to best meet with the people, then how to clear and ward the rest of the city.”

I nodded again, coming back to the present a little more with his words. “Of course, Your- ah…” I stopped myself, seeing his glower. “S-sorry… Force of habit.”

He gave a snort at that, but shook his head, letting it go. “And the castle?”

“I know the entire kingdom by heart.” I assured him. “Every brick and flagstone.”

He squeezed my hand gently, then reluctantly dropped it. “... We’ll likely be working through the night to get everything ready. If you find time to get some rest, please take it.” His scarlet eyes flicked up to me. “And eat, yes?”

“What about you?”

Grier waved away my question. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll make sure Hibik brings me my own pot of coffee to keep me from laying siege to anyone… Unless that bastard King tries anything funny.” The silence grew tense momentarily until he noticed, glancing over at me. He winced, then smirked apologetically. “I jest, my young Prince. No sieging. No wars... Just healing magic.”

I cocked an eyebrow slightly, but didn’t have time to remain doubtful as his arm was suddenly around my middle again. He nearly had to jump off his toes to plant a quick, light kiss against me. Instantly my face flushed again, even before he landed back on his feet. His laugh bounced about the room as he spun on heel, darting to the door before I could retaliate.

“I’ll see you soon, my young Prince.” He called in farewell as he slipped out into the hallway beyond.

I sighed heavily, shaking my head and rolling my shoulders back. I was certain I would be kept nearly as busy as he, and could find a way to make myself useful if not. I shifted my weight, wincing, and tugging at my clothes to straighten them.

…. Perhaps a cold bath first.

.....

UPDATE: Part Nine HERE

#Royal Flush #goblin king #goblin lover #goblin husband #monster x human #monster x male #mlm #male x male #terato #exophilia #monster lover #monster husband #slow burn #angst #monster romance #monster royalty #arranged marriage

[yukichouji]

Beware DA2 ending SPOILERS

I’m playing the last main quest of DA2 rigth now and maaan, I’m conflicted. For one, I really do NOT like Sebastian. I wonder if his dialog after the chantry thing will still spawn if I don’t recruite him on my next playthrough? You don’t have to pick up companions, right? Ugh.

And also, damn, Anders, babe, no. I really get his reasoning and his frustration and struggles, but that was not- That was really awful. Not to mention that starting a fucking war doesn’t seem like the best solution for the involved. He just went completely off the rails there :/ And, yet... I just couldn’t stomach killing him. Ugh. Man up and take responsibility and try to save as many lives in this mess you made as you still can, it is.

Also, I’m feeling a little sour about how the whole situation is handled by the game maybe? Like the Templars vs mages thing? To me it very much feels like Meredith and her zealotry, her going completely overboard is the biggest problem here. She just keeps adding pressure to the kettle and then acts surprised when it boils over. I’m not saying that excuses going after innocents and turning to bloodmagic/doing the pacting with demons things, but damn if most of that couldn’t have been avoided had Meredith employed different methods. But there just doesn’t seem to be a proper middle ground here? It feels like the only reasonable thing to do is support the mages here, with all of that horrid suffering going on, but having it end in full out war doesn’t seem like the best outcome either, really. I wish it would have been possible to get Meredith out of the picture through some political/legal means and root out the zealots in her ranks. After that it would have absolutely been possible to bring Templars and Mages together and create a system that works much better than the one in place right now. Sure that would have taken a lot of time and work, but it is a task worth putting that effort into. Right now it just seems like everyone is going to suffer, including a lot of innocents that have nothing to do with the whole situation. Kirkwall is in flames, you have a bunch of desperate bloodmages and abominations on the loose, Templars are trying to kill every mage in the city and the regular citisens are caught in the crossfire. Great job...

I also somehwo have this feeling as if Meredith’s actions keep being downplayed somehow? It feels so weird to be painted as an extremist again and again just for seeing the horribly unjust suffering of a group of people that are condemed just for their potential to do harm and wanting to change something about that. Like I said, it just really feels like there’s a middle ground missing. But then again, that’s just the game. I don’t want to read too much into it and I am trying very hard to keep it away from real world situations, because that would make it really uncomfortable and a lot less enjoyable.

All that being said, it was still a really great game to play. I had a lot of fun with it and I am definitely going to play it again :) There is something to be said for not having perfect choices available, on the other hand. A lot of the time people do what they believe is the right thing and still mess up. That’s just life sometimes. Thank you for attending my TED talk haha I just felt the need to ramble about this a bit xD

Going to finish the last of the game later this evening and then perhaps start in on DAI :)

#me things #yukichouji plays video games

[tawaifeddiediaz]

27, 29, 34, and 35

I have finished dyeing my hair, and while you do yours..........here we are xD

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve recieved?

I got one on the love definition about making love a more grounded reality and I really liked that one because....it’s not all sunshine and roses right. even if we love sunshine i’m not a fan of roses

But honestly I love all the comments I get, because they make me smile

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

(copied from another ask)

Yup! hold me tight was the first time I wrote a descriptive piece that was set in present tense, and at the time, I really thought I failed horribly, but it turned out okay? I kept writing in that tense, and got somewhat decent at it so I suppose it’s not too bad!

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of

I wanna give you something from exit wounds but I’m not that cruel lmao

It hasn’t been rainbows and sunshine for all thirty-nine years Buck’s known Eddie. Their lives, connected as they are with so many other people, have been lived in a myriad of happiness, sadness, anger, loss, despair. Yet, Buck can count the number of times that he’s thought will we ever get past this? on one singular hand. He’s never doubted the strength of his and Eddie’s bond.

In line with the natural progression of life, they’ve suffered through the losses of many people closest to them through the years, too. Even though they still feel all of those acutely, they came out on the other side with happy memories — some which are hung up in front of him, but many more that are not.

He thinks a lot of Thomas and Mitchell in times like these. Their story had stuck with Buck, and this gallery was put together because of the journey he’d had the privilege to peek into that day. He remembered picking the remnants of their life together from the concrete, marveling over the sacrifices and tribulations they endured, but together.

He can see that he and Eddie made a life too, just like Thomas said.

There’s a complexity to all of their relationship, simple in and of itself by just being what it is. He can trace the moment he laid eyes on Eddie in the locker room to now — from “who the hell is that” to Eddie’s “I’ll be back in 20” that he’d said while leaving, maybe fifteen minutes ago.

As if on cue, he hears the door click open but doesn’t bother calling out. Eddie joins him not even a minute later, turning his chin to kiss him lightly. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Buck returns, smiling at him as his heart swells in his chest.

Turning seventy has changed very little about Eddie; he still walks with the same straight posture that seems to be characteristic of Army veterans, his smiles are still free and make Buck’s heart skip — which, at this age, is probably a health hazard — and his eyes are still the same expressive brown that captured Buck all those years ago.

from the cartography of you and me

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

(copied from another ask)

Endings are the worst. That’s an ongoing rant. Also, I always worry that some of my more-flowery pieces sound dumb af anjskdjald

Thanks for the ask!

Fanfic Writer Ask

#zee answers #get to know zee #zee's writing process #anam stays winning in this house #but also i was writing this and got distracted #anyway xD #oneawkwardcookie

[secret-engima]

AU idea, lobbing it at u. The Ring of the Lucii doesn't take souls, just magic accumulated over a lifetime, & a copy of memories at the end. Nyx Ulric is Somnus reincarnated, & nobody had any clue, until he put the Ring on his /right/ hand & /remembers/. He ignore this revelation for a moment while he takes care of Glauca. Then. He just sits down in the burning rubble of Insomnia & /shakes/. Luna asks what's wrong, & he numbly tells her /everything/ he knows. Cue Roadtrip to F over the Prophecy.

Oh no.

Oh noooooooooooooooooo.

XD

Buckle up it’s time for a ramble and a NEW GLORIOUS AU.

Nyx has always known something was off about him. And not in an arrogant or “I’m destined” way but an uncomfortable, achy way that had followed him all his life. A way that made him reach for something that was never there, like a phantom limb when he was not missing any. A way that made him constantly look to his sides and be surprised-hurt-regretful when they were empty save for Libertus (and he loves Lib, he DOES, but there is something in him that keens still, like Libertus is welcome, but not the one he was expecting or meant to see).

As terrible as the Burning was, Nyx finds that the day he becomes a Kingsglaive was the best day of his life. Because when Regis gave him magic, when magic flowed into his soul and breathed like the air before the storm, Nyx felt as close to whole as he’d ever been in his life. He took to magic like he had been born to it, could warp higher, faster, farther then any other glaive, could summon fire with barely a thought and skate across ice that formed under his shoes, could dance with lightning like he was a coeurl born rather than man.

The glaives laugh and call him Hero.

Libertus looks at his friend and sometimes, when he’s drunk, thinks of him as Twice Born. Because Libertus has known Nyx all his life, has known that Nyx is wounded in his soul and Missing something and that being gifted magic did more to heal it than anything else. Even if it didn’t fix it completely.

Nyx meets Princess and something in his soul screams. He is mourning Crowe, mourning Libertus’s abandonment resigning, his bones ACHE in a way he can’t name and then he sees her, hears her voice and something in him wants to cry.

Aera Aera my friend my brother’s heart and soul and light I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I will never let it happen again I will never let you suffer just please FORGIVE ME

“Sorry,” he whispers past the glass in his throat, “I’m on duty.”

“Then surely there is no safer place for me then right here,” she retorts and Nyx feels a smile pull through the pain in his soul.

This Oracle is different from Aera.

Maybe this one will survive.

But then everything falls apart, and betrayal is like a knife in his back he deserves this he knows what this feels like now oh brother oh Aera please please and they are running, they are fighting and the king is dead and his magic is GONE-GONE-GONE and it hurts but he can’t focus on that right now.

And then.

Captain.

Traitor.

T R A I T O R.

And Nyx- Nyx is angry, Nyx is desperate. He promised to see Princess to safety another Oracle will not die because of him he will not allow it and so he feels no fear as he yanks the Ring out of her hands and slides it onto his finger.

The finger of his right hand.

The same finger Regis had worn it on.

He hadn’t meant to put it on that finger, but some old instinct had slid it there.

The world freezes. Turns dark and blue.

“Welcome back, Kinslayer and Kingkiller.” Say the voices, everywhere and nowhere, a hundred of them at least or more.

He stills, and not just from the pain of his injuries, “What-? Who-?”

“Long have we awaited the return of your soul to fulfill your promise.”

“Rise, Somnus Lucis Caelum from the dust of your forgotten era. All hail the return of the Founder King and Mystic.”

Nyx opens his mouth to say there’s been a misunderstanding, because he is HARDLY some ancient founder king but then the stone beneath him breaks and

he

f a l l s.

Life and death and memories and regret. There is a sword in his hand and blood drips from the blade as Princess-Aera-Princess-Oracle-Aera-AERA goes too still in his brother’s arms and the monster wearing his brother’s skin scrEAMS.

There is a garden and tears, gentle arms wrapping around his shoulders as soft blue eyes watch over him and red-violet hair mingles with his as a chin rests on his head and a voice murmurs, “It’s alright, little brother. It will be alright.”

There is a throne under his hands and back, a crown on his head that feels victorious for all of a moment before the world crumbles and the Astrals appear and say “What have you done, foolish mortal-.” 

There is a brother who loves him always and helps him find his feet.

There is a monster lying chained in the deep.

They are the same thing.

It is all Somnus’s fault.

It’s all Somnus’s fault.

He has to fix this somehow.

It’s all

his

fault.

No.

No, he refuses.

I am Nyx Ulric, he thinks fiercely as he claws his way to the surface of the memories, I am Nyx Ulric, not a kinslayer or traitor and i will not drown beneath these sins.

Nyx snaps awake and magic springs from his fingers as easily as breathing. The shield expands, blocking the blade of the traitor before a flick of his wrist makes lightning blast him away. Nyx stands and rolls his shoulders, feeling injuries knit back together and the bullet slide free of the wound. In another life, Nyx would have smiled and laughed in the face of death.

In another life, Nyx would not be firmly shoving memories of Somnus behind him as he passes the Ring back to Luna and grimly tells Libertus to get Princess out of here.

They hesitate, he snaps at them, the power of a king in his voice, and Libertus looks scared as they run on his order. Nyx watches them go, a shield flaring to life without looking as the traitor attacks again. Nyx turns very slowly.

Inside his armor, Glauca has never felt so exposed as when Nyx Ulric stares him down.

“Traitor,” Nyx hisses coldly, and there is something primal under his words, something ancient and angry, “You will pay for the blood of my kin on your hands.”

They fight.

It is not much of a contest.

Somnus may not have been the better fighter of the two brothers, but he had trained all his life with Gilgamesh.

Compared to his old Shield, Glauca is nothing.

Nyx stares silently over the rubble of his city as the sun rises and feels the weight of a crown that is no longer his to wear. He breathes the taste of ash and blood and daemons as the Old Wall kneel to him and then fade into dormancy, and feels … old. Whole for the first time in this life.

He almost wishes he could go back to being incomplete.

He narrows his eyes as he thinks of the Chancellor of Niflheim that he had glimpsed, of the stories of the Blademaster he has heard since coming to Insomnia.

He thinks of Princess and the great-great grandchild Somnus’s actions doomed to death.

Nyx Ulric, He Who Walks Twice, Founder and Traitor King, clenches his fists tight around his kukri, “I’m coming brother,” he whispers to the sunrise, “I will end what I have begun.” He would end the misery and pain he put his brother through if he had to crack open fate with his bare, bloodied hands.

“Just wait a little longer.”

Then he turns and limps his way out of the city. He has an Oracle to talk to and a great grandchild to save.

(And later, on a Haven, Luna listens in awe and horror at Nyx’s story, at the age in the glaive’s eyes as he effortlessly calls forth the royal armiger. She watches in tense silence as Gentiana looks upon Nyx and calls him “Mystic”, as Nyx looks at Gentiana and cooly asks if she will stand between him and his brother. Gentiana hesitates. Then backs down.

Together, the Glaive Who Was Once King and the Last Oracle set out to destroy the prophecy in its entirety and free the brother he once betrayed and long wronged.

Along the way they stop at the Tempering Grounds, and Gilgamesh discovers that metal CAN cry as he beholds his king a second time. He bends the knee without hesitation, and when Nyx says for him to Come, Gilgamesh rises and abandons his prison without hesitation.

Along the way, Nyx Who Was Somnus But Is No Longer finds that his heart is as willful as ever, and that he cannot help but give it away to Lunafreya, betrothed to Noctis by faulty treaty or no.

And maybe, just maybe along the way, before the end of their journey and the final reunion of brothers, Luna finds herself giving her heart right back.)

#SE asks #anon asks #Secret Engima Rambles #Melodies and Manuscripts #NEW AU #Nyx as Somnus au #gonna call it #ummmmm #Sun Dies (Night Rise) verse

[enduringsea]

( rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the kind of music they listen to! put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people! no skipping! ) / tagged by @yellowcrumpet​ ╭( ･ㅂ･)و )))

Thanks for the tag! I LOVE these things-- I don’t rlly have a playlist either though, just a mess of music files on a device I haven’t updated so I’ll be checking my YouTube history too lol. There’s a uhhh.... pattern to be found, mainly relating to Code Vein or other OCs.... which isn’t surprising ._. ;; I made it a separate post bc I knew this was going to get long and rambly with lyric snippets and crying about fictional characters, sorry :D

1. Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor don’t go / you’re half of me now / but i’m hardly stood proud / i said it, almost oh i’ve been low / but damn it i bet it don’t show / it was heaven a moment ago oh i can’t seem to let myself leave you / but i can’t breathe anymore This one gives me Loubeth vibes ok, partially bad end route ;-; While Elizabeth is a very strong person, her friends are the most prominent reason she tries to do anything at all & isn’t living day-to-day in a monotonous grind to survive without a solid purpose other than ‘help random ppl bc it’s the right thing to do’. If she loses them, it’d ruin her & hammers into her head how everything she’s ever done has been a failure. She suffered a major betrayal by her boss before the Collapse, she was unable to fully participate in proj. queen despite her incredible test results, she failed to defeat Cruz and take her blood during Operation Queenslayer, and if she fails to protect the people she’s finally found meaning with? She’d break down completely & destroy herself to save them. She’s always had some level of abandonment issues, and without her family around it’s so much worse, even if it isn’t the most obvious because she’s generally seen as very well put together-- I really can’t express how much it would hurt her to lose Louis, Yakumo, and the others. She’s just not one to show just how bad it can truly get for her mentally and emotionally-- she’s resilient as hell, she’s been through hell repeatedly and survived it all, so it’s easy for others to assume she’s fine all things considered. It makes her feel weak and ashamed of herself if she shows any level of vulnerability, so she doesn’t; she swallows it down and is afraid of disappointing those who look up to her as a fighter and friend-- of course, no one at Home Base would blame her for being vulnerable, they all have their moments, Bethy just sets herself to such a high standard it’s difficult for her to talk about her own suffering in spite of how well-versed she is in getting her thoughts and feelings across otherwise. Louis is the one most keen to how deeply she’s hurting, but he doesn’t understand just how deeply until she finally does fall apart. The final swell of the song and its desperate lyrics really relays the pain they both feel-- Louis too would not fare well if something happened to Elizabeth, because he blames himself she was even involved in Operation Queenslayer for a long time, I honestly did so bad in explaining coherently, this song just has so much emotion and hurt behind it adklfjdfdff </3

2. Looking Out For You - Joy Again this is a love song for a girl who will never know it’s about her she's beaming that smile / all the while i’m all tripped up on my own throat i guess there is no hope This song reminds me of Elizabeth & my friend’s character Takashi Fujioka, who gets-- vERY...FRIENDZONED, for lack of a better word, by Elizabeth in his story, it’s really summed up best as tragic (;﹏;) Before the Collapse they were hitting it off, then the Collapse happened, they were separated, he lost his sisters, Mido happened, he was experimented on + became a revenant, etc, etc; years have passed since then & she’s gotten her life together as much as one can in a world like Vein, but for Takashi it’s like no time has passed at all. Elizabeth is subtly older in appearance, she’s been working w Lou & Co. for a long time; Loubeth blatantly have a connection, & rather than bringing up his feelings + making it awkward bc he values their friendships, he just kinda. chokes on them & does his best to help out the team. It doesn’t help he can’t even be jealous bc Louis is a really solid friend to him too, IT’S JUST A MESS OF A SITUATION & the death of what could have been if things were different.

3. Closer - Teagan And Sara ( no lengthy explanation for this one thank goodness, I’ve just been watching BoJack Horseman again and I really like some of the songs they add in, I like listening to this one on loop when mindlessly coloring something )

4. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo  all I did was try my best / this the kind of thanks I get? they say these are the golden years / but I wish I could disappear ego crush is so severe / god, it's brutal out here I have it on a playlist for Elizabeth somewhere, not all of it applies to her but it reflects some of her struggles she has both before & after the collapse. She’s-- always kind of been a mess while under immense pressure + has serious self image issues, this song hits that side of her well. She’s been held to humanly impossible standards by both herself and her family bc frankly? She can reach them, she’s NOT exactly human. She was born into her position as a hunter & intends to keep it for as long as she lives (like revenants, her kind is very much ‘either gets killed or lives 5ever), even if some days she really feels how heavy the burden can be. She didn’t have a normal childhood and she’s fine with it for the most part, but it alienates her from most of her peers-- she never got to date anyone, never had a close group of friends, never went to parties that weren’t formals, etc., while she feels a little childish about it, she does envy ‘normal’ and understands the pressure she’s lived under her entire life has caused damage-- she has been exploited for her abilities, there’s just not much she can do about it but to keep going, rlly.

5. Freaks - Surf Curse  don't kill me / just help me run away from everyone  i need a place to stay / where i can cover up my face don't cry / i am just a freak / i am just a freak UhhhHHH this song really makes me think of Oliver Collins :D;; thank TikTok for showing it to me. It makes me think of how scared he was, of both the world and the revenants who captured him. The song’s use of the word ‘parasites’ really makes me think of Revenants and the BOR parasites XD I’m hoping when I poke my video editor again, I can record some Oliver footage to make a short video to this song. Oliver deserves so much better, I wish you could save him, but that’s what AUs are for, hahah.... The second half of the lyrics make me think of the AU I have where he lives and has to grapple with the guilt of surviving and the things he did to other revenants to get by too.

6. All Eyes On Me - Bo Burnham you say the ocean’s rising / like i give a shit you say the whole world’s ending / honey it already did you’re not gonna slow it / heaven knows you tried got it? good / now get inside I haven’t seen the Netflix special yet but I’ve had this song on repeat since my move started. The lyrics hit too hard & resonate with my existential dread, covid exhaustion, and extreme burnout in my 20s, but bc I have Damage I can also relate it to CV ._. ‘you’re not gonna slow it, heaven knows you tried. got it? good now get inside’ makes me think of--;; the bad end route again, and Elizabeth’s desperation to keep her found family together. It’s not like her to completely stop caring about an issue, but in the moment she realizes what’s being taken from her? She doesn’t want to save all of revenant-kind if it means she’s going to wind up alone all over again, her world is effectively over if she’s forced to be alone again. The MC frenzying means the only immediately identifiable hope she had of saving everyone else is gone, so why not just go home? If they’re all doomed, she wants to at least be together for a little while longer, it’s fine if they use her blood to survive & everyone else in the mist is out of luck, it’s soul-crushing bc I’ve never had her in a situation where she’s been this reckless, despondent/hopeless, and thinking irrationally where it’d impact more than herself-- especially when she’s normally goal-oriented, organized, meticulous, so on so forth: she’s not one to act without thinking something through first, but that last breath of light just got sucker-punched out of her. All she wants is home, comfort, and family, and ultimately in the bad end route she does manage to preserve their lives, maintain the mist, and supply blood beads, but her own condition leaves her on the throne-- it’s a mix of the bad, neutral, and true ending rlly ldkfjdf BUT YEAH enough rambling on that :D;; This song’s really good and touches a lot of different thoughts and ideas both in real life and my ocs, kind of embarrassing--;; thank u bo burnham for ruining me with this beautiful song

7. Yellow - Coldplay look at the stars / look how they shine for you / and everything you do your skin / oh yeah, your skin and bones / turn in to something beautiful do you know / for you I'd bleed myself dry Does this song make me think about JackEva? Yes. Yes it does. Star / night sky symbolism? Bam. Sappy lyrics about love and finding the person you’re with absolutely mesmerizing and worth dying for? BAM. If JackEva were capable of using their own blood to save each other, I can see it-- hJNGn they just care about each other so much, Jack cries for her even though they both knew that eventually one of them would succumb to their duty, and if the roles were reversed I can see Eva doing the same, I adore them beyond human language. On my CV RP blog, my Jack’s not shippable bc-- Eva, my friend even have them looking after his nephew (an oc--) at one point. I should seriously drop some headcanons down eventually....

8. Louder Than Thunder - The Devil Wears Prada  are we meant to be empty-handed? / i know i could, i could be better i don't think i deserve it / selflessness, find your way into my heart all stars could be brighter / all hearts could be warmer 

LMFAO throwback to my middle school playlist, I’m old-- I’ve applied this song to a lot of things back in the day, but I really connect it to Loubeth now, especially Louis. Lou & Bethy are both functional idiots who are too hard on themselves & have trouble recognizing their worth beyond what they can do for others. They’re trying to be better-- to make up for what they perceived wrongs they’ve done, but it’s hard, they don’t believe they’re worthy of the love and support the other gives, but they still yearn for that sense of security. After Louis’ memories are returned, he finally understands the guilt he’s felt since he became a revenant and it really skews his self-perception; he blames himself for so many things & Elizabeth, who has always been able to kill when necessary, sets it straight-- “It’s not your fault”, and it takes Louis some time to properly absorb that message. He thinks she’s just trying to comfort him, which she is tbh, but she’s not wrong: “It’s not your fault you couldn’t kill someone. It was never your job to kill anyone.” It’s up to people like her to do those sort of things-- Elizabeth may not have been present when Cruz frenzied, but if she had been? It would have been over before it started, that’s something she has regrets over, even if nothing could have been done since she was already on the field. Actually, she’s actually really quite angry that security failed to monitor Cruz properly and has a few select words for the ones there who could have actually done something before it got out of hand-- civilians and doctors are exempt from her shtlist bc they’re not meant to be killers (so don’t worry Artorias, she’s not ready to bite your head off!), but they had to have some kinda security detail rite o-q??? They’re probably hiding from her wrath-- BUT ANYWAY, she insists she’ll never blame Louis for not being able to do something as serious as killing another person. He was a normal human being who cared about his friend, not a failure, and he couldn’t have been expected to do something that shouldn’t have fallen on his shoulders in the first place. As many times as it takes, she’ll reaffirm that it wasn’t his fault, she’s not angry, he’s always done his best and her opinion of him hasn’t changed. He’s a good person and she loves him through all the hurt, though she doesn’t drop the word ‘love’ for a long time. It just-- takes Louis a while to accept she views him as someone worthy of the love and respect she has for him. It’s kind of ironic she’s so adamant on Louis not blaming himself considering she’s the one privately blaming herself for-- wow there’s too much to unpack, she feels guilty she was even born?? im so broken over these two. I love them and yet they SUFFER... 

9. What I’ve Done - Linkin Park i'll face myself / to cross out what i’ve become erase myself / and let go of what i’ve done today this ends / i'm forgiving what i’ve done

I have Louis Amamiya brainrot and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks that this song fits him super well & it needs to become an AMV dsjfkldsfd. I’m a near life-long Linkin Park fan and this fits with Lou so well thematically. As much as I’ve gone on about Louis’ guilt, he does steel himself to keep going forward in spite of it and make things right, for everyone. Maybe it wasn’t really his fault, but at the end of the day his inability to kill Cruz in that moment left a disaster in its wake that got a countless number of people killed-- the MC included with Karen and Aurora. He doesn’t want to run away from the truth, doesn’t want to make excuses, he wants to take responsibility for it and he’ll work himself to death if it means things will be better-- it’s both admirable he’s got a strong resolve and VERY concerning with how willing he is to die for the cause, please don’t overdo it, Lou, you’ll break mine and Bethy’s hearts ._.;; It won’t always be easy, there are moments the grief gnaws at him, but in the end he does overcome it (and uh. as in the bad ending, we know he can actually do it this time). I know we can’t see everything, but I would have loved deeper character interactions, especially with Louis with an emphasis on grieving + forgiving himself properly-- but this song really is nice with the whole ‘I’m going to face my mistakes head on, forgive myself, and keep moving forward’. It’s what Louis deserves: self forgiveness and a damn break ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

10. Call of Silence - Hiroyuki Sawano you will know you're reborn tonight / must be rough but i’ll stay by your side even if my body's bleached to the bones / i don't want go through that ever again so cry no more / oh my beloved ngl idk if those are the correct lyrics, buuuuuuut....... im a weenie and am internally weeping abt loubeth after midnight, what else is new lmfao- i’ll at least try to be brief :D I also used to really like Attack on Titan when I was in high school, I dropped the anime years ago because I was waiting for s2 and never got back to it once it started airing again, I thought I’d finish it once the anime was complete since I eventually caught up with the manga, such a good series BUT ANYWAY-- I think it’s a really pretty song and Loubeth fit with the tender lyrics. IT’S LATE, idk what to say about them other than what I’ve said already dsklfjdslf im sorry I really ramble a LOT and I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had the chance to >w>;;

#i do not know how 2 b quiet #long post #personal text #yellowcrumpet

[second-chance-stray]

RP Log: Rising is sick, and Cravs won’t have it.

Cravendy Hound is busy moving all sorts of wooden furniture from her room to a series of boxes that litter the company foyer. It’s hard work, and something that demands her full attention until the task is done. She wipes her forehead free of sweat with the back of her hand. Finally, it was quiet again...and in that silence, perhaps there were subtle things that Cravs would now notice?

Rising Lotus at some point during Cravs moving everything back and forth, Rising had slipped through,  groaning a bit as she was still looking quite ill. She climbed the stairs to get herself some water, groggy curses coming from her mouth as most of the grub was moved up there some time ago. As she made her way to the bottom of the stairs, she leaned against the banister, watching Cravs move the stuff for quite a while, she didn't want to hold her up as she shambled back to her room.

Cravendy Hound: “Eh? Well, if it ain’t the flyin’ flower ‘erself.” Cravs claps her hands together in order to get the last bit of dust off of them, and then quickly jogs over before Rising is able to make it back to her room. Closer now, she’s able to see how much of a mess the other woman is. Clearly sick, and clearly suffering. Cravs stops in her tracks. “Oi bugger, ye look like shite...don’t tell me yer still sick?”

Rising Lotus cocked her head a bit as she was addressed. "Flyin'...oh, I get it." she let out a weak chuckle that turned into cough. "Yeah I guess so... don't usually get hit this...." her hand twirled as she tried to think of the word "Hard..? Ugh." sniffling, she ran her hand over her hair to try and unmess it up. "I'm at least able to walk about a bit now, was sleepin' all day first day."

(Cravendy Hound) I don't know what's worse. When it rains after snow and everything's gross slush, or after when the water freezes, forming ice/snow. And then everyone starts slipping, people + cars both D:< )) (Rising Lotus) The worst part is people that live in it for years that forget how to drive in it the second it starts up again. Also you really got me with Flying Flower x3))

Cravendy Hound crosses her arms with a frown, feeling somewhat responsible. If she had brought an umbrella, or hadn’t insisted on going fishing that day, then none of this would’ve happened. In fact, wasn’t Rising there when they were fighting the Dodo at Dirtpatch?! A judgement forms in Crav’s head...that Rising is just going to get worse if left to her own devices. Cravs shakes her head in concern. “What are ye dealin’ with? Fever, chills, a cough...?”

Rising Lotus nodded slowly after each symptom Cravs listed off "Aye..sneezin' an' uh... head feelin'..." bringing her hand close, she'd pull them apart with her fingers extending "Jus', ya know...pressure-y. Got some things to help with it, jus' still takin' awhile to get uh... " she brought her hand up to rub her temple "all better I guess. Ugh.."

(Cravendy Hound) hope it wasn't too confusing xD ))   (Rising Lotus) It was something where I read it and got it, then it got funnier and cuter the more I started thinking it over lol)) (Cravendy Hound) well here comes more blisteringly sweet stuff xD ))

Cravendy Hound: “Stop figetin’ for a sec, will ye?” Without thinking, Cravs lifts the hair that usually covers her face, and gets close to touch foreheads with Rising. She stays like this for a second, then pulls back looking angier than before. “Bloody scrag, ‘ow are ye even standin’ right now? Yer burning up. Come on, let’s get ye into a bed afore ye set the stairs on fire with that fever of yers.”

Cravendy Hound grabs Rising’s wrist and, while attempting to drag the other woman along, makes a beeline towards the clinic. It’s during this time that her actions begin to catch up in her mind. Damnit, old habits die hard. As soon as she could, she’d have to explain...that.

(Cravendy Hound) it's something my mom used to do w/ me :D )) (Cravendy Hound) ALSO Cravs def sees Rising like a lil sis (which she pretty much sees everyone as) but I'll throw wood onto the proverbial fire for potential goofy hijinks ))

Rising Lotus 's eyes went wide as Cravs was so suddenly touching foreheads with her, frozen as she wasn't quite sure how to react to, whatever was happening. "W-what are..." despite her paleness, there was the smallest tinge of red in her cheeks as Cravs pulled away. "O-oh...That's...huh." still processing, she was easily dragged along to wherever Cravs was taking her. As she watched her door pass by she started to weakly protest. "You don't have to toss me in there...don't want to be..." she lifted her arm to cough into her sleeve " a bother to people actually needin' the, the help."

(Cravendy Hound) ahhaha )) (Cravendy Hound) o we can move to the actual clinic. It looks super cool :> )) (Rising Lotus) Also that was super cute xD and it'll be good for Rising to have someone like that! Hasn't been close in anyone for while since her wife left))

Cravendy Hound chuckles at Rising’s weak protests. “This place is exactly for people like ye!” Cravs tugs her to the corner, and then sets her down on the bed. “Now, lie down ‘ere, and don’t move.” She commands, and then heads off to search the medical cabinets for anything that might help alleviate her friend’s symptoms. After some rummaging, she first comes back with a small hand towel, soaking in a bowl of cool water.

Cravendy Hound - As she lifts her sleeves and gets the towel ready, she rambles on absentmindedly. “I used to do this all the time for my little sis. She was always catchin’ colds and doin’ otherwise dumb shite...stupidly brave, she was.” Cravs pauses for a second, and then grimaces. “S-so that’s what the ‘ead bump was about! Er. Sorry. Probably crossed a line there.”

Rising Lotus plopped down onto the bed, groaning a bit as Cravs ordered her to lay down. She did it of course, but if her friend would ask it would because she wanted to. "You don't have to do all this ya know..." she sounded a bit sheepish "I can...probably.." considering how many days she was out maybe this was the proper course of action. A weak scowl escaped her lips "Gods damn it, we ain't known each other long enough for ya to see me in such a pitiful state." she rested her hand on her forehead >

Rising Lotus: Before dragging it down her face. Crav's explaining the forehead bopping did cause her to smirk though. "O-okay... d-don't do that to a girl without some warnin'..my ma always jus' used her hand back in the day."

Cravendy Hound awkwardly laughs in response. “I wasn’t thinkin’, but yeah. Yer right, yer right....” Memories of similarly awkward misunderstandings bubble to the surface, one after the other like a chain reaction. Cravs becomes as stiff as a board as she recalls a particularly embarrassing moment, one that made it all the way to the bedroom before she realized what was going on.

Cravendy Hound ‘s face slowly becomes beet red as the conversation that followed, terrible and idiotic, plays word for word back to her in her head. As her captain had always told her...she was as perceptive as a log when it came to things of that nature. Cravs abruptly clears her throat.

Cravendy Hound: “We’re both fighters. Nothin’ to be ashamed of. For every battle, there’s recovery.” She then presents the folded towel, pleasantly chilled, to Rising’s face. A gesture that, this time, asks...may I?

Rising Lotus grumbles a bit "I 'spose...won't get any cool scars or tales to tell 'bout it though." she gave Cravs a nod as the towel was brought over, the cool cloth helping to soothe her burning forehead. " Least it's jus' a cold this time...the last time I was, this..." she paused for a moment. "At least this sick...It was cause of a nasty bite." she raised her left arm up. "You can still kinda see it..." she must of thought she was pointing to it, but there was a fait bit mark on her forearm.

Rising Lotus: "Was poisonous too, an' the gobbie potion I took probably made it worse.." she took a deep breath before she continued, coughing lightly "So I was holed up in...the hole I lived in up there. Though Violet came all the way to help me...that was nice..." as she trailed off her eyes drifted towards the wall, staying silent on the matter after that.

Cravendy Hound places the towel over Rising’s forehead, and then peers at the scars on her arm. Healed over, but even still she could get a sense of how bad it was when the wound was fresh. Cravs bobs her head in admiration. “Must’ve been some bite. Were ye fightin’ some manner of ‘boro? Stinky buggers are all jaws, all legs. Bad business.”

Cravendy Hound doesn’t push about Violet. Though Cravs had a track record of bluntly nosing her way into other people’s business, it was only when she thought she could help. Here, she sensed Rising wasn’t ready to talk, and it certainly wasn’t her place to ask.

Rising Lotus "I can't say what it was. I mean, I KNOW what it is...I jus' can't.." she furrowed her brow as she apparently was having trouble with the word for not saying a word. "Ya know.. talk it. Great big bug..the bug folk in Dravania use 'em." she huffed, sounding a bit frustrated. "Gods, even thinkin' is takin' too much energy." a drawn out sigh left her lips, following by some more coughing. "Hey..." she looked up to Cravs "Thanks for..uh.. I guess this...not exactly draggin' me here but..."

Rising Lotus: flipped her hand up, hoping by now the Cravs would understand what she meant. " I 'spose this is probably a better place than my mess of a room.. an' the towel is far nicer than gettin' Hop to sit on my head."

Cravendy Hound: “Stop thinkin’ so much then, and get some rest. I’ll ask the medic to leave some medicine by the table for ye when ye wake up.” Cravs tilts her head, amused. She assumes ‘Hop’ is the sproutling that she’s seen trail Rising in the past, and looks around for it.

Cravendy Hound - Failing to find Hop, she gets ready to leave in order to give Rising some peace and quiet. Before she lets the curtain fall behind her, she turns around for one last thing. “If ye need anythin’, ye can...borrow this.” Cravs places a linkshell by the bedside table. “Don’t let me catch ye trippin’ down the stairs again.”

Rising Lotus nodded "Aye, I promis ya the next time ya see me, I'll be.." she shot Cravs a finger pistol, but couldn't quite get anything catchy out. She eventually gave up and shuffled in bed a bit, getting herself comfy. "I think I'll try restin' a bit till then though." her eyes started to drift closed, how could she feel so exhausted from just a trip up the stairs?

#ff14 rp logs #Cravendy Hound #Rising Lotus #SOFF......rp #it doesn't matter if the person is OLDER than cravs #if she's fond of you #she WILL be your guardian older sis #she WILL embarrass you #AND HERSELF

[chyrstis]

4, 7, 20, 23? OwO

4.  Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

When I was first testing the waters for writing John, I knew I wanted to try a few radio calls outside of his scripted ones in-game. I also wanted to see if I could get that moment of anger right where he’s on the cusp of losing it, all while Hana comes to realize that baiting him - appealing as it is - probably isn’t the wisest choice to make.

I held onto this conversation for a long time before finally posting it, but I’ve always liked the way John’s voice ended up coming through.

From you won’t be the one Ch. 1:

---

“John. Don’t get all heavy on me here. One silo’s not going to bring the sky down on our heads, and the explosion’s just so damn pretty to watch.” He went silent, long enough for her to think he’d disconnected, and Hana held her ear up to the radio. “John?”

“…Am I a joke to you? Some petty amusement?”

She sighed dramatically. “Well-”

“Come to me then. Sit with me, challenge me like I know you want to - like I want you to - and I will open you up,” he said, drawing out each word slowly. Deliberately. “Peeling away those layers, spilling all of those thoughts, desires, and secrets you keep close and hidden, tucked away from everyone, out in the open for all to see. And if you still challenge me then, I’ll peel away another layer. And another. By then you might even beg me to. Would I be more than a fucking joke to you then?”

Her eyes were locked on the radio, every part of her dumbstruck. John didn’t wait for a response to that on her end either, deciding to keep on going.

“Because you continue to play at this and laugh. Like it’s a game meant to entertain you. With every action you take, you only make things worse for them.” He was close enough to the radio on his end now for her to catch every shift in every word. “You hurt them, you bring this pain upon them, every last bit of their suffering when all they want is to be saved. You know what to do to end this! To confess, to give me the one answer I seek. Will you?”

He’d thrown her, had actually done it, but that still didn’t change her answer. “No.”

7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?

Lots of dialogue. I think that’s the main thing that stands out, and my brain’s decided to take a vacation in terms of anything else that does too. I don’t think anyone else’ll really contest that either. XD

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

I’ve been hit by feelings for Sharky/Hana/John lately, so I hope you won’t mind me throwing this massive wall of text up here.

One of the best things about the future fic series was finally letting Hana and Sharky steal more than a few sweet moments together, and these two moments in From your lips to my ears are ones I’ve always been fond of.

---

Hana jumped as he reached over her, and she spun around. “Geez, now you’re being the sneaky one.”

He kissed her before he could talk himself out of it. She sank into it   immediately, throwing what she held to the side so she could wrap her   arms around his neck. Having lost the chance earlier, he wanted to make   up for it now. Just to have her close, to be able to press a kiss to her  hair, her nose, and her chin to see how long it’d take to have her   giggle until it’d break into a snort.

It was almost silly of him to want it that much, but it helped. It always did, and he loved her for it.

-

“…Hey, stranger.”

“Hey, Dep.” Sharky’s words went straight into  his pillow, and he heard her laugh. It was softer, rough with sleep,  and he hummed in contentment when he felt her fingers brush through his  hair. There were a few things guaranteed to make him putty in her hands,  and this was one of them. “Missed you.”

“Hmm?”

He turned his head towards her, and took in the bedhead she was currently rocking. “Missed you tonight.”

“Did  you? I missed you too.” He tried to kiss her hand, ending up grazing   her wrist instead, and Hana shifted it to stroke his cheek. “Funny how   this setup’s almost too small with all of us on it, but huge when it’s   just a party of one.”

“I hear you.” He kissed her again, and held his hand over hers. “It just ain’t the same.”

She  shifted forward to curl up next to him and he wrapped her up in his   arms. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he buried his face in her hair   after, focusing on her slow, steady breaths.

---

They’ve earned more than their fair share of them, and once they’re 150% certain those feelings are mutual, they don’t waste a second expressing just how they feel about the other.

It was also incredibly important to me to highlight how much affection’s going on on all sides here, even when another relationship’s the focus of the fic. How that’s the driving force behind the entire series as a whole, and carries through right until the very end.

And honestly, getting to have a little more fun with the poetry night joke originally from Oh, the things we could do and getting Sharky in on it as well was too good to resist. 

---

“How’s John doing? Still his stubborn, charming self?”

“Yeah, ‘bout the same as he usually is,” he murmured.

“I bet. Didn’t give you too hard of a time?”

That made him go through a few responses. Some funny, some raunchy, some a hell of a lot more sentimental than he was expecting, but he settled for one that was straightforward. “Nah, he was all right. …More than all right. Don’t know if he really needed the help he thought he did, but…”

“He made it worth it?”

“Yeah,” he said, grinning in spite of himself. “I think he did.”

She moved in his arms, and he felt her press her lips to his cheek. “You know you can’t tease me about this anymore, right? That right’s hereby been revoked.”

He cracked open an eye to look at her. “Come on, I can get one in.”

“Can you? Really?”

“Though I know you like it better with two or three, so maybe if you let me wiggle it just right-”

He scored a pillow to the face for that one.

Yeah, totally worth it. 

23. What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

At this point in time, I want to say it’s still the trapping John fic. That’s been haunting me for months. There’s also a Joseph idea I’ve been meaning to start writing more for, along with the actual toppling of the statue which was always meant to be a fic and never quite gelled, but those are all going to have to stay on the backburner for now.

#amistrio #chy takes a stab at memes #and answers them so darn late too #thank you! <3 #and apologies for the rambling b/c I do have quite a few feelings about those three