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drdemonprince · 3 months

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something im kind of connecting the dots to re: your posts about shaming people who don’t wear masks…in ‘20 and ‘21 I spent a lot of time posting shaming instagram stories telling people they needed to mask, and i yelled at family until i was blue in the face bc they weren’t masking, having big weddings, etc. and it really created a rift (obviously) in my relationships. I’ve also spent a lot of time and energy in the past 4 or so years telling people that it’s not possible to be an ally to trans people if they still engage in any media created by jk rowling. Especially given that her anti trans manifesto has been cited in anti trans legislation in the uk, she says that she assumes that anyone who continues to engage with Harry Potter media approves of her transphobia, etc the list goes on. And yet i still see my friends going to the wizarding world of Harry Potter, marathoning the movies with their friends, going to see the new movies in theaters, and so on. Obviously my aggressive shaming posts and conversations (which have alienated a lot of people) aren’t doing jack shit. Your mask shame posts made me realize that it probably wasn’t right of me to do that. But I don’t see how I can stand up for what I believe in and show people that it’s not okay to keep doing this shit AND play nice and not create trouble. Do you have any thoughts?

Thanks for this great question and for sharing your experiences.

I think when we shame, part of it is a grappling with our own powerlessness. It feels terrible to confront that no matter how much we care, and no matter how much we plead, we cannot make another person take action. When people we love or rely on won't hear our pleas and won't take action, it wounds us so deeply, and it makes sense we react in anger or seek to shame them hoping it will make them care. But it isn't effective.

I think one of the first steps is accepting our powerlessness as individuals. We have to stop expecting ourselves to somehow persuade people to change their behavior and views, when all the research indicates that such change is rare, slow, and very hard, and cannot be accomplished on a person who does not already want to be influenced. We have to sit in the humility of not being able to make others care, and take time to grieve how badly it hurts. Our understandable and huge hurt feelings need to be processed. many of us have a powerful need to express our rage and have it witnessed by others who understand.

From there, we have to think very strategically about what kind of collective work we can do that will shift social norms, facilitate the behavior we want to see, and fight for systemic changes that will actually address the root issues.

This may be things like passing out masks at protests. Joining a local mutual aid fund to contribute to the expenses of people who are quarantining. Protesting an event space to make them institute a masking policy. Unionizing with our coworkers to demand paid sick leave. Shoplifting tests and redistributing them to people in need. Terrorizing the business leaders who dragged us all back into the office. Sharing the wastewater data. Asking loved ones about their COVID mitigation decisions in a sincere way. Organizing outdoor events for our communities. Paying for a buddy's vaccine.

There are countless ways for us to be plugged into an active community that is larger than us. The work is humble, and ongoing, and what you do personally will never be enough on its own, and you must accept that in order to believe that it does not have to be. We are in this together.

In short, I think the tough emotional realities of feeling disrespected and not cared for much be addressed by finding community with people who do care and will give us room to voice our outrage. And then we have to work together to create the circumstances that allow real systemic change to germinate.

Right now, people conflate that emotional need to express rage with the political need to take action. And what feels cathartic to do or say is not necessarily what's persuasive. There has to be room for both.

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ao3commentoftheday · 5 months

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It probably is going to sound very contradictory, but I had to say it because your blog is the only place I can say it out loud.

I've been writing for years and I don't crave for popularity or attention for what I write. Too much attention whether it's good or bad makes me uncomfortable. Still I want my work to be recognized a little bit more because for all the hard work and tears that goes in the writing ends up being rewarded with a terribly lukewarm response, which is disheartening. I've always written for the smaller fandoms where you could count readers and writers on your fingers, but then I got into a big fandom, and it took me a long time to gather the courage to post something because the debate about the characters going ooc is too always a valid one. For my 10 chapter fic I only have 50 something kudos and a handful of comments, 3 of whom are my friends who read every chapter and kudo'd as guests. I know the stats shouldn't matter, but after investing myself into the story and the characters, getting negligible response is hurtful. I've even gotten some hate and rude comments from some people.

Now, I'm not the kind of person who feels insecure about their writing, so I don't think someone not reading my stories is because something is wrong with me or my work. But then I read other fics where writers added the note that this was the first fic in this fandom and they have more readers even on their one shots. The numbers even go to 200-400 kudos and many, many comments.

I don't know how to stop feeling this way or what to do to let go of these contradictory feelings where I neither want too much attention nor do I want my work to have almost zero readers in the fandom. But I'm quite shameless (determined?) so I'll still write what I am writing even if it's just one reader reading it. Even then, the lack of readership will still be hurtful at the end of the day, no matter what I tell myself.

*hugs* I get it. I've been there. I probably still am there, if I'm honest, except I rarely post anything in public spaces these days.

What you're feeling isn't unreasonable and it's not contradictory because what you're feeling isn't about popularity or even readership when it comes right down to it. It's not about numbers. It's about an acknowledgement of the effort that you've put in.

You've worked hard and you want that to be recognized. If you did that in the workplace, your boss or coworker would tell you you'd done a great job. If you did that at home, your family or roommate would thank you for the work you'd put into making that home look nice or making a meal to feed everyone.

In online spaces, however, the only way to get that recognition is through popularity. Either that, or through an established community. Right now, you have a few friends who you can rely on to read your work and respond to it. But right now, it also seems like that isn't enough in some way. Again, that's totally fair and understandable.

For me, that happened when I was putting more energy into my fic than I actually had available to me. I was working 60 hour weeks at two jobs and under a lot of personal stress, and fic was my escape so I wrote and posted a lot of it. But writing still takes effort, and it still takes time, and there's a huge emotional component to all of the work you put in, and when your time and your energy are low and your emotions are already a bit fraught... When you're pouring out of a nearly empty cup, you really need someone to come by with a refill.

I don't really have much in the way of advice here. What I did was stop posting publicly and just start writing with my bestie in a private RP discord server. That's not a solution that's going to work for everyone. What I will say is, figure out what it is that you need and then figure out a way to get it. Whether you can get it online, whether you can get it on AO3 is going to be up to you.

#asks and answers

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cashmere-caveman · 11 days

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hello everyone :) inspired by this post by @burrowingregg, please enjoy my thoughts on "what if crozier fucking dies and little becomes captain"

if he dies before sir john

one of two outcomes. sir john either doubles down ("we have to find the nwp for francis!"/"well now that the haters are gone its time to have Real Men Solve This Like Champs") or he goes hm. maybe this is a sign and actually this is a dire situation. perhaps we should pack it in men

i dont rlly have any thoughts on this except i am rlly curious what this would do to fitzy. does he ramp up the charming pretender routine now that he's the uncontested no1 son and crozier cleary didnt know what he was talking about or would this be an early wakeup call and jumpstart the fury beach convo w blanky?

if he dies pre ep4 (tuunbaq)

the lashing would not turn out this way bc little wouldnt have hickey punished as a boy -> less men would berth on erebus

mutiny later maybe? definitely different

(is this a good moment to squeeze in some solittle bc they have to cooperate to keep all the men in check.)

definitely better communication within terror command bc the lieutenants will know little is going to hear them out i think and since little sucks at asserting authority hed have to rely on them more than crozier did

weird tension between jopson and little i think. is it sexual. is it antagonistic. actually maybe i could see jopson joining a mutiny in a crozier dead scenario hmmm…. heres how hickeyjopson can still win !!1!!!!!

if he doesnt survive the withdrawal

jopson.exe stopped working

maybe i could see jopson joining a mutiny in a crozier dead scenario hmmm…. heres how hickeyjopson can still win !!1!!!!! (1).docx

joplittle coworkers to enemies speedrun. i think jopson would grieve so fucking much but then go Ah! We compartmentalise this emotion! Nothing easier than that :) and then hed be so fucking passive agressive as the new captains steward without even realising bc WHY does little walk around alive and hale when little was the one who got crozier the alcohol that killed him how is that fair (jopson is Not at a point where he is willing to confront the fact that he himself was just as much an enabler as little, if not more so)

also sidenote but he wouldnt shave little since that actually never was in a stewards job description in the first place lol no homoerotic blade to throat interaction for you, sir!!

i do think little and fitzjames would work well together! they did a good job on coordinating the carnivale and fitzjames is not someone who lashes out a lot, which is good bc little does not deal well w getting screamed at

i think blanky would become elemental. w crozier dead and mcdonald gone hes the last brit who speaks inuktitut fluent enough to communicate w silna Plus hes one of the v few remaining high ranking arctic veterans

(what would change in a scenario like this if my good friend and upcoming romance novel love interest graham gore - who was an arctic veteran and even competent and charismatic - was still around? food for thought)

what would hickey do? the object of his obsession is out of the picture so he cant get revenge for getting whipped, he still wants to go to his tropical vacation and i think w crozier dead he would switch to survival mode 3000 (he is always already in survival mode to begin with, but i mean the point at which he switches from playing defense to offense) sooner. if the captains dead theyre fucked for real whats holding him back? hickey voice in fact what is holding anyone back? men, we need to confront the situation!

i really think this might be where thomas "shouldve been a news reporter" jopson would shine. that nosy bitch knows about Everything going on, and in a situation like this where every information must be handled in a v tactical way so as to Manage The Situation i think there would be a great deal of avenues of action open to someone in a position like his. especially, i think, bc to me a great deal, if not to say the entirety of jopsons optimism and endurance and focus is simply build on this vast foundation of trust he has in crozier and w crozier gone, what happens to all of that? there are a few ways this could play out imo

a) he instead reorients himself toward the next Authority Figure, which in this case would probably be Fitzjames. I do think it is unlikely, simply bc due to crozier dying during withdrawal the fences would not yet have mended entirely and jopson Will Hold A Grudge. it wont be little, for previously mentioned reasons, even though i dont think jopson would be able to realise that himself. he does not have a lot of interactions w the other lieutenants up until then (not counting serving dinner etc) and since iirc they had not been called into the Sobriety Meeting i dont quite know about how much he would trust them. so unless sth drastically changes during the walkout the options would be fitzjames or little and i personally vote no on both

b) he would retreat into himself and simply Wait. wait for what? u ask. well :) he would wait. and then, maybe one day he might even React. but for now, he would Wait, and Pay Attention

c) i realize this is quite a shrewder reading of jopson than what dave k has said of how he sees him but as i said earlier to me a lot of jopsons "goodness" hinges of crozier providing him w the trust he needs to unfold these qualities. and w that gone, i think that leaves him as someone v smart, in a position where he has access to a lot of information, and also in a state of absolutely crushed hopes and reopened trauma. and that certainly does put you in a set of mind doesnt it?? atp his trust in the remaining leadership might be v fragile and he would certainly wonder how any of this would go on. so hed either implode and fucking idk. wither. (which, for the record, i think he would Not do) Or! he would decide that alright. no one left to handle this but himself so time to take matters into his own hands! youve shot smaller hawks than this tommy its time to get out of here! which, again, is where i think a possible hickey alliance, maybe via billy, might take place. if jopson and hickey would team up for a mutiny they would definitely constantly be daydreaming of killing each other <3 not to be me but i would read the fuck out of a hickeyjopson mutiny vs a solittefitz alliance. give me intrigue! give me bastardry! give me some fucking losers dishing it out in the canadian arctic over the worlds worst buffet options!

this is not necessarily a full point on its own but more of an addendum: i genuinely think jopson has it in him to pull a dundy. aka i think he v much does strike me as someone who would stage a quiet not so much mutiny but a quiet usurpation of power through simple calculated ruthlessness. which! speaking of usurpation!

option d) jopson decides that hes the only competent bitch left and the only way to ensure everyones survival is to go full grima wormtongue and become the puppet master advisor to littles captain. little would actually let this happen and might even welcome it. we know this guy is genetically engineered to follow orders. dont say i never did anything for joplittle enjoyers!!!

crozier dies during the walkout at any point:

i dont really have anything big for this. it would be bad but depending on what has happened at that point (how scurvy ridden is fitzjames? is jopson a lieutenant yet? has hickey killed irving already?) it might not change too much tbh

if he gets shot during morfins suicide it would be disastrous i think but it might actually make the men come closer together again maybe? if little becomes captain then and there maybe the mutiny might get prevented or at least postponed bc little would let the marines get their armed patrol and thus might not be as resentful/mistrusting toward command. ofc little As A Captain trusting tozer and getting fucking bamboozled by him if the mutiny still happened would be an even worse look lmfao. that is if morfin shot him. if it was however a Marine who shot crozier…… well. i think thered be an execution first thing at daybreak! and any and all weapons would be under lock and key w extra attention to the point that i think not even armitage would hand them out. plus lbr it wouldve been tozer in this scenario w the killing shot so! armitage without tozer…. does that poor lad even know how to exist when he is not in sols orbit. how would hickey exploit this….. (also extremely evil version is jopson shooting crozier which is so evil that we do not consider it. goodbye)

if crozier dies pre tuunbaq attack id be curious if the (attempted) hanging would still happen. i personally think it would, simply bc hickey would definitely try to start some shit and fitzjames would be wary enough to order a post mortem on irving plus jopson would definitely catch that rat. maybe he would actually hang, even, but that depends on whether little as his captain or fitzjames as the overall expedition commander would give the little speech beforehand. if it's fitzy, either him or hickey in his response would run out of time before the tuunbaq shows up and hickey would escape, but if it's little theres a real chance he would shortly state some dry facts let hickey speak for two sentences of last words maximum and then get it over with. and now That would be a fascinating scenario to explore. crozier gone, hickey gone, camp in ruins, dozens of men dead, fitzscurvy left in charge. would there be a second mutiny? des voeux, perhaps? or billy himself (he was also an architect of this!!! he burned the fucking maps!!! billy was not regular rat who marrydivorcemarried the evil rat he was evil rat no2!!! simply a less flashy (fleshy….. hah) flavour!!!) just quietly absconding w a bunch of men into the fog? what would tozer do, if he had survived and hickey hadn't?

last minute death scenarios

anything w crozier dead before hickey could capture him would not change much i think. maybe hickey would deflate some upon the news but hed still capture goodsir and still die as a wannabe new god. i think the real tragedy would be if little was left as the only captain after fitzjames' death. that man was Not made to carry such a burden and dundy would smell the blood in the water and ursurp him early i think, which ironically might lead to a scenario where there could be a sliver of hope for survival for the healthier parts of the crew

if crozier died during the capture bc hartnell didnt take the bullet hickey would fucking kill whoever fired that shot (i do not remember who it was. golding? was it golding? i fucking hate that guy i can easily belive it was golding) and i think hartnell and little and whoever else was there would either escalate the situation into a shootout to avoid the mutineers taking croziers body for food (lbr hickey would love to eat that old man) and die right then right there or maybe get themselves captured bc everything is just pointless now (unlikely outcome imo the tension would be too high) OR theyd somehow get the fuck out of there, organize a party of men to take the mutineers and have a final showdown (unless dundy intervened and ursurped ofc) which means: tuunbaq survives!!! yay :D good ending for silna :) she has not lost the tuunbaq so maybe even no exile <33

if crozier just died during the final tuunbaq fight: no changes at all

which concludes my thoughts! this turned out way longer than i expected and honestly did not focus on little v much but it was super interesting to consider all these scenarios so thank u burrowingregg for giving me the idea to begin with :) i would also be super curious to hear everyone elses thoughts on this so please do chime in!!

#sorry the formatting on this is atrocious ik but i ahve been trying to press the fucking post button three times now #and every time tumblr told me to go fuck myself so i switched devices and had to send myself the entire post via fucking Texts #bc it wouldnt even save as a draft. hellsite. also its way past midnight and im tired so pls excuse any typos rip #the terror #id genuinely be so curious abt anyones thoughts tho! if i missed or misremebred sth pls also tell me bc lbr the likelyhood is high rn #also if anyone wanted to expand upon any of this. say. in fic form or sth..... [eye emoji] pls do so.#i have half a page of notes for a 'hickey got hanged before the tuunbaq sshowed up but tozer didnt' scenario myself #but i will not be writing that anytime soon due to Real Life rip :/

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fakecrfan · 7 days

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I'm a believer that Sam and Celia have a bad influence on each other and that their eagerness to form a relationship in a very short period of time will simultaneously scar them mentally, but Alice's attitude is giving me "orphan who in absence of caregivers have learned that they must meet their own needs rather than allowing themselves to rely on another's ability to act genuinely" energy. She's the worst, everyone's the worst and I'm loving everything I'm seeing so far and I can't wait for them to get even worse.

Man, anon, I respect your opinion but I have an entirely different read on the situation.

I wish Celia and Sam had a bad influence on each other. That would make it so there was a single interesting thing about their relationship dynamic at all. Right now I'm getting nothing from them. Not a contrasting dynamic, not interesting banter, not charged interactions, not tension. NOTHING.

They aren't even forming a relationship in a super short time! They are coworkers who after a few weeks went on one mediocre date where they started with baggage and ended up talking about work most of the time. That's literally such a mundane date that it makes me want to tear my hair out.

Also Alice meeting her own needs? Oh definitely not, at least not emotionally speaking. Naaaaah if she was doing that she wouldn't be pestering and jabbing and poking Sam at LITERALLY EVERY MOMENT for any kind of attention out of him. She is the definition of a womanchild, acting like your 11 year old bully friend who has to try and tear you down every moment in an attempt to be "funny" because she literally knows no other way to get attention. And then she gets hurt when her friend gets sick of it because she has 0 amount of emotional intelligence to realize getting on people's nerves gets old.

Tl;dr - everyone actually isn't the worst. Alice is the worst, and that is why she is the best. Meanwhile Celia and Sam are just fine, and that is why they are boring me to tears.

#alice dyer #samama khalid #celia ripley #the magnus protocol #tmagp #putting this one in the tags because I sense it may be controversial and I'm bored

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diagonal-queen · 1 year

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Hello there! It’s me Jack, back again, but with a request this time! How about, Kunikida with an outgoing, friendly fem!reader?

🫶

Jack!! it's good to see you again my love! i've been waiting for a kunikida ask dkjdkdjjkdjksjssjd i just love that dork. also lowkey he's really hot but imma stop talking rreal quick

Two of Two Kinds

♡ pairing: Doppo Kunikida x fem!Reader

♡ synopsis: You and Kunikida are just hangin' out honestly.

♡ wc: 1.1k

♡ cw: None!

note: This took too long to write I'm ( ；へ：) I'm sorry Jack ily <3 Kunikida is surprisingly difficult to write for me, which is mean because I gave him my heart and this is what I get in return?? smh. Apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

"Hey, sorry! I'm back," you panted with a grin, as you latched back onto Kunikida's arm. Such a statement was definitely within your top recurring dialogue whenever you left the office to complete a job, very often running into somebody that you knew or were friends with. You'd pause what you were doing, tell whoever you were with (usually Kunikida, considering you two paired quite well in every way) to wait a moment, before scurrying off to greet whomever it was you'd noticed.

Kunikida always kept count of how often this happened. Today, you'd done it twice. That was unusually low.

Kunikida slightly stiffened when you grabbed onto him, but quickly you felt him relax. Back when you'd first started dating, he seemed uncomfortable when you were physically affectionate in public, but by now he was well used to it.

"Who was that?" He asked.

"An old friend I recognised from school. She began attending in our second year, and we worked on a couple projects together," you explained. "We didn't speak much outside of that, but I don't think she minded my presence while we were there."

If he had to guess, Kunikida would have confidently made the assumption that you were on good terms with everybody you went to high school with, including your teachers.

"You could rival Kenji with how popular you are around here." He remarked.

"Please- that kid's just too sweet. I could never be as well-liked as him," you answered, with a smile still on your face.

"That's something I've noticed about you, Y/N. You're too humble," he replied. "The people won't trust a detective who doesn't believe in their own abilities."

"Hey, I never said I wasn't a good detective!" You turned to Kunikida, folding your arms. "All I said was that I'm not as popular as Kenji. Do you think I'm a bad detective?"

"Of course not. You know what I'm saying."

"Clearly I don't if I'm asking!"

"You asked because you wanted to hear me say that you were a good detective, didn't you?" Kunikida raised an eyebrow at you. Not wanting to admit such a thing, you glanced to one side. "You are a good detective, and people enjoy your company. There's no need to be self-effacing, and it's pointless when you're alone with me especially." You furrowed your eyebrows, and he rolled his eyes. "There's no use in doing so when I'm already your partner, is what I'm saying."

"Ah, you're always so serious, Doppo," you heaved in exasperation. "But it's cute sometimes, makes me feel smart and it makes sure I don't have to do much overtime, so I can forgive you." The tall man let out a sigh.

"You should start trying to regulate your work time on your own. It won't help you in the future if you keep relying on me."

"But I can't help it! I can't help talking to my coworkers when I'm in the office! Though, I suppose it'd be nice to have Ranpo off my back occasionally..." You mused, before interlacing your fingers with his and giving his hand a squeeze.

"He is a stickler for the rules, yes," he agreed, with a nod.

You pursed your lips. "Actually, never mind. Talking to you and Dazai both at once is super fun. Besides, I know you secretly like helping me manage things, don't you?"

"Are you trying to make fun of me?" Kunikida asked, frowning at you.

"Is it working?" You gave him a mischievous grin, and he just bowed his head in defeat. Unlike Dazai, he didn't really mind when you teased him, because it never hindered his work. In fact, you only ever seemed interested in affecting your own schedule by having fun and using any excuse to spend time with your friends. Plus, he would seldom say it, but he found it much more endearing than he'd have liked to admit.

"I'm sure that the two of you are taking years off my life," he told you. Kunikida's stern tone may have fooled a stranger, but by now you knew when he was and wasn't being serious. He simply wanted to maintain a public image was all; not that he could do so very effectively with you clinging to him.

"C'mon, now, don't be like that!" You grinned, taking his hand. "I'm just messing with you. Surely you're used to it by now?"

"You'd think that, but usually I expect you to be more well-behaved." He replied, his tone blunt, though you could sense the irony with which he spoke.

You tutted, and nudged him. Kunikida let out a small chuckle.

"You're so mean sometimes, Doppo..." You whined, jokingly. "Sometimes I wonder if you love me at all."

"Hm? Of course I do, darling," he replied, leaning over and placing a kiss on the crown of your head. "If you're going to ignore anything I say, don't let it be that."

"Aw, that's adorable, babe," you said, cheeks red due to surprise from the sudden display of affection. "Hey, you know what? Since we're already out here, let's go get lunch. We haven't been out to eat together in a while. And you're being so cute now that I can't help but wanna go on a date."

"We only have fifteen minutes before we're supposed to be back at the office," he replied, glancing at his watch.

"So we'll make it quick! In and out. Okay?" You asked, eagerly.

Kunikida wanted to object to that, but he didn't. He'd gotten used to adapting his schedule to fit your spontaneity into his day. Most of all, like everyone else, he simply couldn't refuse that smile.

"...alright. Fine, but on the condition that you don't mention this to anyone," he answered, his voice taut. You glanced at him with a naughty smile.

"I'm gonna tell literally everybody about this."

Kunikida looked at you, mischief glimmering in your eyes, and let out another exhale.

"Oh, but if we're free on the weekend or something, can we go on an actual date? One that lasts longer than fifteen minutes?" You asked.

"If you have a friend who owns a restaurant in Yokohama and you can get us a discount, that'd be helpful." You giggled at his reply, before considering the suggestion.

"...actually, I think I might." Kunikida gave you an amused smile.

"That doesn't surprise me at all."

stop the original ver. of this got so dark so quick for absolutely no reason and i just couldn't have that now could i?? no.

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fedyushka, @flower-of-darkness

and of course tagging @jackofanon who requested this piece!

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #x reader #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #bsd fanfic #bsd fanfiction #bungo stray dogs fanfiction #bsd kunikida #kunikida #kunikida doppo #kunikida x reader #kunikida doppo x reader #bsd oneshot #oneshot

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proteovaldez · 3 months

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Im gonna talk Jason, Reyna and Octavian. Reminder I haven’t read these books in like five or more years. Are these headcannons? Let’s call it that.

Wolf boy Jason should be talked about more. Also I like Octavian as a character cause he’s a little freak. And Reyna is my personal Ace/Aro representation. My sister and I have made little phrases to help others understand how we’ve characterized them. Octavian is “Dog eat Dog.” Reyna is “Dog and Dog.” Jason is “Doggie Dog.”

Now to explain how I think pre Hera/Juno Camp Jupiter was like. So in my mind time works differently at the wolf house. Reasoning, no way a two year old in just a year is Roman ready. So Jason spends a lot of time there. He’s a baby, so obviously he picks up on the wolf stuff and as a result he’s more animalistic. The only explanation why he was able to succeed at being a soldier at age three for fifteen years is because he is not the usual soldier. He’s a wolf first and a Roman soldier second. No matter how much training you have, it’s kind of hard to beat someone who is not afraid to bite and theoretically tear out your throat. I like to think he had longish hair. I mean I fully believe he refused shoes and his cohorts would brush his hair or give him head scratches. He has definitely bit an adult.

Now Reyna is just trying to do her job. I mean you’re telling me that Jason wouldn’t immediately investigate the new girl. He does and she’s cool. When did she get the metal dogs? Doesn’t matter she’s clearly good with dogs. Also both of them are great fighters and intelligent. I’m confident they bonded even before he became praetor. I fully believe they are in love. I mean like queer platonic love. Like the most they’ve done is holding pinkies when slightly stressed or doing each other’s hair. She cringes when he tried to hug her once. So when they both are praetors it’s her just silently begging for him to wear shoes at meetings.

Now Octavian, our favorite little freak of a teen. Octavian is a legacy, I’m assuming his parents live in New Rome. I like your think Jason went to a school and had classes with Octavian. Octavian has always been weird. Also he can read. I don’t remember if legacies are also dyslexic, but you’re telling me Octavian wouldn’t know how to read with no struggle. He would and he’d lord it over everyone. I just know he’s always been a little ambitious and power hungry. I mean what child with prophetic tendencies wouldn’t crave power? He definitely notices Jason is powerful and useful. He knows it’s better to be on the possible feral child’s side. Also he’s incredibly patriotic like most Roman’s are historically at least. He knows Jason is good for Rome and I bet he’s one of the many who thought Jason fumbled choosing the fifth cohort. Like he’s known of Jason forever and knows that Jason is all for the Roman cause he’s a child soldier. He can rely on Jason to be on the side of Rome. Now Reyna he definitely was wary until he actually met her. He’s a smart kid, so obviously he likes Reyna. He respects her greatly until she becomes Praetor. After that he has two separate Reyna’s in his mind. There’s smart, intelligent Reyna, and then there’s Praetor Reyna. The second one is an implied sneer. Cause I bet she’s had to alter her original ideas and plans to appeal to the council. Octavian has heard Reyna’s original plans and thinks they’re genius, but Praetor Reyna is a sellout.

The three of them are literally the most recognized campers at Camp Jupiter. It’s kind of hard to not at least respect your coworkers when they’re useful and technically are working towards the same goal. Like Reyna wasn’t there long so she probably was just pleased she had people to talk to. Maybe not friends exactly but acquaintances. And Jason likes people. Then Octavian likes useful people. Also they’re teenagers. I just know the three of them hung out and have stupid jokes, but only do so in private as they’re kind of serious people.

#pjo series #pjo fandom #jason grace #Jason grace pjo #pjo jason #octavian #pjo octavian #reyna avila ramirez arellano #reyna ramirez arellano #reyna pjo #camp jupiter #Roman camp

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palestineoddiwrth · 1 month

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Today's Hero is Ezzeddin Lulu, the Smile Maker.

"As a student studying to become a doctor, I made a decision based on the way my father had raised me to always give back to my religion and homeland. I chose to volunteer at Al Shifa Hospital during the war, recognizing that the level of catastrophe exceeded the capacity of the medical staff and hospital alone, leaving my own family behind."

Before the read-more I'd like to show his most recent post as of writing this (29.03.23.) Unfortunately his mother has also been murdered. Ezz was incredibly proud of his mother and so was she in him. She memorised the entirety of the Qur'an and knew it to her dying breath. Despite the horror of losing her family she remained strong both in love and in faith.

Here is a go-fund-me created by Ezzeddin. Even if you can't donate please share it and read his story in his words.

During the genocide, artist and medical student Ezzeddin Lulu (nicknamed the smile maker) has been trapped in al-Shifa hospital in the North of Gaza more than once. He has worked with minimal and no food for days on end in a hospital surrounded by tanks and snipers. He's worked with patients not knowing if he or they will even survive the coming days. He's worked knowing his family could be dead. He's worked knowing the only family he has left is his injured mother. He's worked after standing on the rubble of his home knowing his family is trapped under and there's nothing he can do. He's even worked after the murder of his mother.

He's worked on patients without anaesthetic. He's described to us the harrowing screams of children. He's shown injuries that nobody has really seen until now because the weapons used by the IOF and their allies are horrific and are designed to cause as much pain, death and destruction as possible.

All this as a medical student. Ezzeddin has yet to graduate.

Ezz is also an artist who has been dubbed the "smile-maker". He draws people he sees when he's out and about and whenever he shows them the result they smile. He has also recreated horrifying images and changed them into something good. For example there's a famous picture of a father being dragged away from his daughter by soldiers. Ezzeddin has redrawn this in a scene where the father is hugging his daughter.

Ezzeddin Lulu is a hero. He demonstrates the good in humanity. Despite everything he still works for his patients and he still posts to show the world how the IOF and their supporters target civilians and medical staff. He also posts about his family and colleagues, telling us they've passed away or what injuries they've sustained. Because of Ezz's posts I'm aware that Israeli snipers target the healing hands of doctors.

How is his heroism rewarded?

Trapped in al-Shifa not knowing who (patients, coworkers, family, himself) will live or die and if he'll have to watch. This happened twice because despite everything he is still determined to help people and so he went back to work.

Finally I would like to close this first post by sharing pictures of his martyred family and a little bit about them because they also deserve to be remembered.

Everyone who's been murdered was something to somebody. A mother, a grandpa, a niece, a son, a cousin, an aunt, a friend, a lover. Sometimes people themselves become homes so what happens when that home is ripped from you? Unfortunately there is a 10 picture limit on mobile and I felt it was important to share multiple images of the same people to make sure they're more than just numbers to us. I intend make another post about him in the future so if I do I'll include more of his martyred loved ones to honour them.

Note: Forgive me if there are any errors. I don't speak Arabic so I'm relying on translation apps which means when it comes to peoples names I might make a mistake. If corrected I will fix it ASAP. These people deserved to be remembered with their real names.

Below is Ezzeddin's father: Mister Samir Fahmi Lulu (Abu Hazifa). While Ezz was trapped in al-Shifa he heard news of his fathers martyrdom but there was nothing he could do because the occupation was surrounding the hospital so Ezzeddin continued to work.

Samir Fahim Lulu cared deeply about his son and what his son was going to do. His father always wanted to see his son on his graduation day in his robes and watch him swear his oath as a doctor but the IOF robbed them both of that. Ezzeddin has described his father as his backbone and is the reason he chose to volunteer at al-Shifa during the genocide.

Below is a family within a family. We have Hazifa Samir Lulu who was the oldest son and brother, a father himself, an engineer.

In the middle is their daughter: Reem Hazifa Lulu. Reem was also a niece, granddaughter and a great granddaughter.

Finally there's Rana Maher Al-Ghassin. She was an engineer, a wife, a daughter, a mother. She was pregnant with a baby that would have been so incredibly loved had Rana not been murdered. They were overjoyed when they announced the pregnancy a week before the war.

I wonder if Reem would have become an engineer or if she would have chosen something else. I wonder if Ezzeddin and Hazifa's mother was right about her dream of Rana having twins. I wonder if Reem would have had another Frozen themed birthday or if she would have picked something else. How cruel of a world is it that they'll never know the happiness they deserved?

#ezzeddin lulu #al shifa hospital #palestine #doctors of gaza #free palestine #ezz lulu #free gaza #north gaza #ezz.lulu #cymru am palestina #palestinian resilience #Palestinian doctors

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mwnlght · 2 months

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hi, everyone! this is autumn (she/they, 21+) and you might also find me at @svnlght ! ♡ and i bring you yet another of my babies: moon taeho, a part time server + university student (major in architecture) that is just trying to make it through (and either be finally loved by his parents or finally let go of his desire for their validation); overall, he's a sweet person with a touch of grumpy and forever dark circles under his eyes. here is profile and here is his pinterest! as always, under the cut there's more details of his bio + plot ideas!

his family is pretty ordinary despite them being sort of rich considering his dad is the ceo of an architecture company and his mom a famous graphic designer, but just weren't much of the parental type.

so when taeho is born out of an accident, they don't know what to do with him but they at least try (not very successfully) until they get tired of that too and taeho is mostly left to his own devices since a little too young.

things don't get better when his younger brother is born as the apple of his parents' eyes, a child that came when they actually wanted one and used the excuse that he was born with a sick body to give him more attention than to taeho (but then things didn't change when his little brother got healthy later on).

so he learned how to be an adult a little too soon and how to look after himself; surprisingly he doesn't really resent neither his parents nor his brother for it and he does love them dearly, would die and kill for them, even if the relationship with his parents is still awkward at best.

was (and still is) a good student with good grades and as much as he just wanted to chill throughout his school years, he still ended up class president more than once and almost if not all of his group assignments he ended up as the group's leader because at the end of the day he's very critical and methodical about things, esp academic work, so he ends up taking charge just so things will be up to his standards. he also has very dependable vibes so people end up relying on him a lot too so in the end he does end up in positions of leadership even if the i in his mbti wants otherwise.

characteristics that he carries with himself to this day. hence why new semester is yet another broken promise that he'll just chill in group tasks and agree with everything.

moves to seoul for university in a way to try to escape the awkward environment that seems to linger whenever he's in the same space as his parents; besides daegu isn't a city that he necessarily sees his life being at so expanding his horizons to seoul seemed like a good idea.

receives an allowance from his parents but still works part time at a cafe to earn money and use as little (if at all) the money that he gets from his parents, deciding to use it only for extreme emergencies.

wanted connections !

classmates ! someone who loves doing projects with him because taeho does most of hard work anyway or maybe someone who doesn't like doing projects with him because you two end up always bumping heads due to difference of opinions and no one is too willing to give in.

rent-a-boyfriend ! someone who is in need of a fake boyfriend for whatever reason (introduce him to their family so they'll be kicked out left alone / impress their in a relationship!friends / they joked about having a bf and missed the timing to say it was a joke so now they have to keep the lie up, etc etc) and for some reason taeho ends up being your guy.

coworkers at cheongsudang cafe ! someone who tease hims for the way he doesn't have exactly the most friendly of the faces even when he's serving costumers (but he's still known as one of the cute servers); someone who sees him off work and is completely off guard when discovering that he has a full sleeve of tattoos since he usually has them covered for work, is also very surprised by the piercings too since they assumed he just didn't seem like the type.

regulars / costumers at cheongsudang cafe ! maybe someone that he sees almost everyday and they always order the same thing so ofc that he's going to memorize their order; someone he realizes might not be having the best day and he's feeling particularly generous so he decides to get them a little baking good on (his tab) the house along with their coffee; someone who sees that he's having a bad day and tries to buy him coffee or whatever instead and as much as taeho appreciates it, he can't really have anything on the clock (but with some insisting, he'll def keep it for his break).

ex(es) / crushes / weird flirtationship that looks more like bickeringship / blind date(s) or not so much blind date(s) / smoking one of us always has the lighter when the other doesn't buddies / anime/manga/manhwa buddies / gym you're the only reason i didn't break my strike yet buddies or even gym rivals to gym buddies / tba if i manage to come up with more of them !

#jongno:hello #ooc.#the way i fell asleep three times writing this #so i'll just leave this here and deal with the rest tomorrow #is it too obv all my brain power went to kiha's intro??#might add more plot ideas later when i'm not half dead

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nerdnag · 6 months

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"Now then, Sunshine," Hubert said, plucking a fresh sheet of parchment from the corner of his desk and readying his quill. "Tell me about this person you wish to bring into Lady Edelgard's service."

"Really, Hubert, you should be ashamed not to have heard of my dearest Sara before!" Constance crowed. She unfurled her fan purely to brandish it for dramatic effect. "Her talent for the magical arts is simply extraordinary! Th-though, no match for my own, of course…" she added nervously.

"Yes, yes, your magical prowess is unparalleled," Hubert intoned, waving a dismissive hand yet smiling fondly. "Continue."

Constance stomped her foot. "Hubert! Have you forgotten which of us is the more skilled with Morfean magic?! Anyway… Sara is really quite accomplished in her field! She is trusted with the most important clients, and many of her coworkers rely on her expertise and insight. It is marvellous how skillfully she interprets contracts of privacy law and explains them to others! And the other day, she came up with a most revolutionary Excel formula as well! Why, I believe that with the proper training, she and I could truly be Sister Sages of the highest calibre!"

"And that is not all," Constance continued on. "No no! Sara has many talents off the battlefield as well! She pens the loveliest stories. In fact, you should read the wondrous tale I commissioned her to write about our activities on our wedding night—"

Hubert choked on his coffee.

"And she draws quite skillfully also!"

"Please tell me you didn't commission a painting to go with that story," Hubert groaned, head in his hands.

"Oh, no, I mainly commission her to paint flattering portraits of myself," Constance replied airily. "One of my favourites is a particularly striking one of me against a starry sky that I'm sure you shall like to see sometime!"

"Ah, but I can see you against a starry sky any night I wish, lovelier than any painting."* Hubert smirked as Constance flushed and began fanning herself, clearly flustered.

"I— yes, well—" Constance took a moment to compose herself again. "Let me finish telling you about my dearest Sara's redeeming qualities! She is an excellent friend: a joy to be around, and her presence is sure to brighten one's day. She is funny and kind, and, dare I say, very nearly as charming as myself!"

"I see. She does sound quite promising." Hubert put down his pen. "I shall have to conduct a background check, of course."

"Is my word not enough?!" Constance protested. "Need I remind you that for all your repute as Imperial spymaster, you had not even heard of such a dazzling star as is Sara before?"

"Need I remind you who it was that brought Epimenides himself into our midst?" Hubert shot back, but there was no real fire in his voice. "Based on your personal recommendation, I shall expedite the process. If all goes well, we will send this Sara a formal offer by the end of the moon."

Constance huffed, unable to argue the point. "I suppose that is agreeable enough."

"It's settled, then. Now, I believe we have tea with Lady Edelgard to be getting to." Hubert stood and offered Constance his arm. "Shall we, my dear Countess Vestra?"

Constance took it, positively glowing at the form of address. "Yes, Count Vestra, we shall!"

* Eifie double dog dared herself to write this line.

OH. MY. GOD?! You wrote this for me..? 😭💚

Original Eifie work! So cleverly written!! Lots of references to my fic and little details about me and incredibly well-characterized! You even went out of your way to include romo 🥹

THE EXCEL FORMULA ASDFGHJKL it truly is like magic. Also I LOVE the idea that every single art work and fic I've ever made of/about Constance has been commissioned by her. That is hereby canon.

Thank you for taking me into consideration for the position!! 🙏 (Though I must admit I'm a little scared of what Hubert's background check will mean for me......)

#Ask a nerd #Sara day!!#*points at eifie*#Daily cocobert #Yes this counts.#Looking forward to possibly receiving that formal offer......... Whatever the position entails. Which I am not sure of.#Unless Edelgard needs excel formulas or a privacy consultant...#Or maybe it's spymaster hubert that needs my insight into covert privacy practices...

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whatevenisexisting · 5 months

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The fact that there are people who want to have Epilepsy and read tips on it will never not disgust me. Like seriously. Y’all are fucking ignorant, ableist, and your identity is NOT in good faith.

Why? Because as someone who actually has epilepsy, it DOES hurt for me to see some people on tumblr want this damn condition. As I’m struggling to get through a work week, as I’m finally realizing I need accommodations, as I’m feeling frustrated because I haven’t had a seizure since April 19th, and I already had two this month.

Remember y’all, when you have a seizure, out goes your ability to drive for at least a few months. Put yourself in a small town with no public transit, rely on family to get literally ANYWHERE - and then tell me you’re “transepileptic”.

I wasn’t planning to ever drive again, but that decision DOES affect my life and let’s say I chose to drive once it was legal. Well, in my state I would have been able to drive by July but BAM. There it goes again.

Have a seizure, and you cannot drive. Now you have to find other ways to get EVERYWHERE you can’t walk to. And if it’s pouring like it is for me today? Yeah, your choice is either walk in the rain and get soaked, take an Uber for a ride that’s only 5-10 minutes and easy walking distance, or stay home.

Not everyone can rely on family or friends every single time they need to go somewhere, remember that.

And I know I’m focusing on this part but it’s just ONE aspect.

I mentioned I had a rough week at work and I did. Have fun dealing with post-seizure depression and just overall triggered depression as you work for a suicide hotline. Have fun not being able to tell 99% of your coworkers WHY you are struggling so much this week because you can’t even the say the name of your condition (and as a side note, your mom hates this and doesn’t understand - she thinks it just means you’re ashamed even though you aren’t), so yeah, they respect that and it’s your right but it would be easier to talk to them if they KNEW. But you don’t, because you barely accept your condition to begin with. (The five stages of grief? Yeah, apply them here and put yourself permanently in between denial and acceptance, also anger and depression, and have a jolly good time.)

Oh don’t forget needing time off work! Because if you’re lucky like me, you’re going to be exhausted the next day and will need to sleep all day! Which means using a sick day, and in America most people are LUCKY to get two weeks. My friend’s partner gets five days. Total. Of paid time off and sick COMBINED. So yeah, have a blast balancing what little sick time you get with needing to care for your body because sometimes you cannot recover quickly for them! You likely don’t know that tonic clonic used to be called grand mal (don’t worry most people without epilepsy don’t know this and you know you don’t have epilepsy soooo) but with grand mal, you might end up in the hospital because you can injure yourself! Any seizure that involves convulsions puts you at risk of physical (even mental, if you hit your head and get a concussion) injury, but I’m sure you haven’t thought of that part, have you?

Or maybe you have and you still want a condition that severely impacts people’s lives and can kill them, in which case you’re just ableist lmao, and insist that me being against people outright SAYING they’re faking a disorder is somehow transphobic or I’m “using the same talking points” as people against the trans community. Like stop stop STOP.

You know what the difference here is? Trans people didn’t choose to be trans, they can’t always come out of the closet because it’s NOT SAFE which surprise, might have a significant impact on their mental health. They don’t have a choice but to be closeted. Staying closeted STILL comes with consequences though. Coming out of the closet might come with consequences. There’s a reason trans people have such a high suicide rate.

As for the “talking points”…that’s just stupid because you people KNOW and SAY you don’t have this condition. You give each other “tips” for doing these symbols, or should I say FAKING the symptoms.

Me talking about the REALITIES of living with a disability is a desperate attempt to get you to stop romanticizing them. Me talking about the TRUTH of living with something like in my case epilepsy, is a desperate attempt to make you realize it’s NOT something you want.

I’M the one who didn’t have a goddamn choice for this condition. JUST LIKE trans people don’t have a choice to be trans and cis people don’t have a choice to be cis.

YOU fucking DO have this choice. YOU have the choice to get off Tumblr, out of this horrible echo chamber and ask yourself why the fuck you’re ASKING for TIPS FOR HAVING A SEIZURE.

Like for real, get off this hellsite and THINK about what you’re absorbing. This. Is. Not. Healthy.

And no, I don’t give a shit if you’re ~also disabled and okay with this~ because it’s not okay lmao. Like these are not good faith identities. Period. These people romanticize serious conditions, play into the idea that people with disabilities are faking theirs (especially if they suddenly become able to do things - “oh, jessy can do that, why can’t you?” Disabled people hear that enough already), and simply ignore the reality.

Ugh. I’m only writing this because Tumblr is a blog and a safe space to write, my therapist is sick today and can’t do a session with me, and I woke up still pretty sad and frustrated and then I thought of “transabled” people and decided to rant. Going to keep this public for now, might make it private later.

#personal #rant #exhausted #anti transid #tw trans abled #anti transabled #transid don’t interact #transx dont interact #tw transx #tw transid #epilepsy #transepilepsy #transseizure #ableism

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laf-outloud · 6 months

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"If they were, they wouldn’t all still be so close." How do you know they're close, anon? Because they work together? Because they trot out tired anecdotes from when they used to work together? And to preemptively answer your kneejerk response, how do I know they're NOT close? I don't. But neither I nor laf-outloud nor any other Jared fan or YOU, anon, is privy to that information. I'm free to like what I like and dislike what I dislike. I'm NOT required to be "fair". These are not my children. They are strangers, some of whom I like because I enjoyed their work, some of whom I admire because of their stance on certain issues, some of whom I can't stand because of what they have done and how they have acted PUBLICLY. I don't have to know what they're like in private. They could be the bestest of all besties for all I care. So? Who cares? I'm not a social worker with the authority to separate them. I'm not a judge about to sentence them to jail for being bad friends. I'm a stranger and a nobody, and so are you, and so is laf-outloud, and so are fans. That's the definition of fans. You react to the public persona and actions. Why are you and your group running around Jared stan blogs insisting we see the "truth"? There is no truth to be seen, you moron. None of us know any of them. All we have is what they do PUBLICLY. And based on what they do PUBLICLY, I think Misha is the lowest scum on earth. I think Jensen is entitled and envious of Jared but not malicious. Other Jared fans disagree. Which leads me to my second point to you, anon. We Jared fans don't have to agree with each other or with Jared or with anyone else. Each of us is a grown up who can make their own decisions. For example, laf-outloud and many others felt Jensen was a creep for touching Samantha's knee. I don't. I would feel he was a creep if he patted MY knee. But I don't know that Samantha minds, and I know Jensen's body language is all over the place because his partner at cons of over a decade is no longer next to him, and he relied heavily on Jared's presence with crowds and at cons. So he's off-kilter. Did you see me coming here to attack laf-outloud and insist that she see the truth, my opinion? No! Why not? Because my opinion is mine and her opinion is hers and I am not an entitled brainwashed cult member like you AAs and Hellers to understand that people get to have their own opinions. Jeez. You'd think one of you would at least look UP the drivel you share about Jared to make sure it's true first. You'd think one of you would look up signs of being in a cult. You'd think you wouldn't get your information from people who ALREADY heavily agree with you, because that information would definitely be biased. You'd think you'd look at different sources and use YOUR OWN BRAIN to make up your mind. What pathetic excuses for human beings. Misha is one creep, but my god look at how many he's created and is keeping in a cult. God. AAs and Hellers are just as dangerous to mankind as antivaxxers and flat-earthers and other cults. Jeez.

Brava, anon! You make some wonderful points!

Though... I'm now going to disagree with your use of harsh dialogue and name-calling, lol! (But only because we have different styles, and that's not one I typically employ.) Like you said, we don't always agree, and that's okay. If everyone agreed all the time, this world would be a boring place!

(And, I also agree that my own biases play into seeing the knee pat as creepy because I had a coworker who'd do that and I had to mentally restrain myself from reacting violently, so thank you for your perspective, anon.)

#ask box #anti aas #anti hellers #anti misha #anti jensen #blog and let blog #it's okay if everyone doesn't agree

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silkflovvers · 3 months

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Below the cut are my personal thoughts on the whole Nijisanji situation, as a fan of 3+ years and as someone with depression who has multiple friends who have committed suicide and are no longer with us.

If you don't care about this situation or find this topic triggering, please keep scrolling.

To start, I am a fan of the Nijisanji livers and have been since about 2021. I found them when I was home with a work-related injury and feeling incredibly frustrated and depressed. I relied on them for positivity and a reason to get out of bed each day throughout the time I spent off work, suffering at work in a position I didn't want but was the only thing I could do while injured, and then later as I was unemployed and desperately searching for a new job that would not leave me irreparably physically and mentally damaged by age 25.

Their jobs are incredibly difficult as livers and content creators despite what viewers see on the outside and I respected them for their hard work and passion.

So with that being said, I'm not coming from a place of malice when I say any of this. I'm not one of those people that hate-watch them or harass them online.

Now, for my main point:

I have had at least three good friends (that I know of, but there are likely more who have simply kept it to themselves) attempt to take their own lives. Two of them are no longer with us. I myself have been in such a low point in life that I considered following suit. I thought all hope for a future was gone, but I held on because I knew what the aftermath felt like as the loved one of someone who succeeded in their attempt. Even in death, I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself for causing such pain to people who cared about me. Guilt kept me here. I'm thankful each day that it did, because my life really did get so much better. Things do improve if you hang on. It's not perfect, but it's so much better than it was.

In the statement posted to Elira's youtube channel, she, Vox, and Ike not only painted themselves as victims, but painted Selen as the villain. The girl who made two separate attempts on her life was thrown under the bus by her former coworkers and people she likely viewed as friends at one point in her career.

I am wholly willing to believe the Nijisanji staff had a hand in this and that their words were scripted. I also wouldn't put it past the staff to have threatened their jobs if they did not comply, simply because it would not surprise me at this point after the petty things others have been terminated for in the past couple years. However, this only leads me to believe two things: 1. they viewed their jobs as more important than the life of someone they once called a friend and 2. they were willing to sabotage their own reputation in the name of the company. I'm more than certain they had the option to simply walk out. Yeah, those three are probably the best performing talents under the En branch after all the recent graduations, but they are talented enough to find success elsewhere. With this statement, they have tarnished their reputation in such a way, I'm not sure they will have the kind of success they would have prior to the statement if they choose to leave the company. Fans and businesses will remember these actions.

This is incredibly upsetting to me. I loved Elira. I followed her channel, her twitter, watched her streams, supported her despite really only lurking in chat or watching VODs. In the silly Vtuber lore for her character, she was Selen's sister. She chose to betray her sister, fictional or not. With that, she chose to betray her fans as well. At least in my opinion. After the statement, I felt that Elira did not take suicidal ideation or intentions as seriously as she should and proceeded to unsubscribe, unfollow, and block her on every platform I once used to keep up with her activities. Knowing she would rather play victim than be there for her former-friend dealing with the mental turmoil of wanting to take her own life obliterated any respect I once had for her. As someone who's considered ending things, I don't feel comfortable supporting someone who is too selfish to be there and stand up for her friend. Even if they weren't as close as they pretended to be, that's her coworker. This is my own opinion, but a decent human being would at least be concerned. A decent person would not have made this kind of statement, even if their career was on the line. She is so lucky that Selen failed twice. If she had succeeded, Elira would have had that guilt in her heart for the rest of her life. Unless she truly never cared for Selen in the first place. If I was her, I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

As for Vox and Ike, I wasn't a huge fan of their content, but respected the work they put into it. I'll admit Vox's recent actions have left a bitter taste in my mouth, so I was already losing respect for him. I understand he is under lots of pressure, constant stress, even living in fear of people bringing harm to him and his loved ones. But for someone who hosted and entire charity stream in support of suicide prevention, how can he be so tone deaf as to follow through with this kind of statement? He, out of the three of them, upset me the most despite following him the least closely. He did nearly every single thing you are NOT supposed to do when addressing a person who attempted to take their own life. If I was in Selen's position, I would not have had the strength to be as mature and calm as she was. Vox's statement would have probably been my last straw. Pulling out screenshots like he was making a twitter call out post was so... immature, in my opinion. Everyone understood the video was likely taken down due to including graduated livers. That was pretty easy to guess. But we also knew it had been completed for a while. Staff had plenty of time to review it and get approvals. Yes, Selen should have waited for approval, I will not deny that. But Staff had time. They drug their feet and she was sick of it. I don't blame her for posting it. If she was that frustrate, I would have done the same thing.

After the other two, there probably wasn't much left for Ike to say, but he was still there, still participated. I see him just as complacent as the other two. By the time he spoke, I was too stunned to really even register his words. I felt Vox had been out for Selen's head despite asking people not to harass her before and after his statement. Vox had done enough damage.

In the end... just... Throwing a friend who made an attempt on their life under the bus whether you were ordered by your company to do so or not and then have the guts to play victim??? is so unbelievably scummy. It doesn't matter what the consequences may have been had they refused. They claimed they volunteered for the statement.

It tears me up inside that anyone can reach a point that they truly believe that their best option is to die. My friends have been there. I myself have been there. I don't know a feeling comparable to how horrible it is. I don't wish that level of despair onto anyone. It's not a joke. It's not a meme. It is serious and leaves life-long scars on everyone involved. Because of this, I personally cannot forgive those three for making such a statement, voluntary or not.

From here on, I will no longer hold respect for nor support Elira Pendora, Vox Akuma, or Ike Eveland of Nijisanji English.

I want to believe that not all the livers are complacent in this. Some have openly shown dissatisfaction and upset at this situation, some in ways that don't openly put their careers at risk, but still, there is an attempt at solidarity there. I will continue to support those that I still have some respect for that I previously supported, but I will immediately cut ties if they are not careful with how they proceed. I truly want to hope that the majority of talents under Niji EN are decent people form they way they have comforted fans through hard times and for sticking up for others in the past, but I'm aware everyone on the internet wears a mask. Vtubers especially have the blessing of an extra layer of anonymity and charm thanks to their avatars.

I'm still a Comfydant, still a Takaradachi. I'll still make fanart and watch their streams. But I'm going to be wary for a good while. I've lost trust for the company entirely, but I want to hold onto the small amount of hope I have that the livers I enjoyed from the start are as kind as they outwardly convey in their streams. I also just.. don't want any of them to go through what Yugo, Zaion, and Selen have been through... No one deserved that and no one deserves to go through it. Shame on Nijisanji.

Next day edit/addition:

I don't think either party in this case is perfect and I don't doubt that Selen was better suited as an indie vs a corpo vtuber. I just take suicide incredibly seriously and personally and treating it lightly or playing a victim even if the people playing victim were in fact harmed in some way feels... wrong. I don' t know. Both parties can be victims. Both parties can be hurt. It's just... one tried to end their life. And reactions speak very loudly in the aftermath. I just. I do NOT like the way Vox worded or delivered his portion of the statement. Whether he was defending himself or not it felt very. It was very in line with his reactionary statements he's made in the past where it did not feel as thoughtful as it should. It felt like something he would later back track on and feel regret over.

#txt #not tagging because don't want this in the main tags #tw suicide mention #tw suicide #suicide mention #This has been eating at me and I just felt like getting my thoughts down #Honestly I may delete this whole thing later #I'm still just sort of in shock at all of this #I was just about to start working on niji EN fanmerch designs before all of this...#but now I can barely bring myself to open a stream

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batsarebetterthanpeople · 2 years

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Thanks for ur posts about Izzy, I'm as white as my wall, but also gay and genderqueer as fuck, so logging onto ao3 and seeing how commonplace charitable interpretations of Izzy are gives me psychic damage. Like, I often stan villains, but normally I have to find myself a little niche of other people who are as crazy as I am to do that. (I'm a Badminton fan btw, hope they kill another one off in Season 2)

I'll tell you a secret, I'm also white. I don't really consider it a wall. It does make me a little dumber I guess because I don't experience racism that's directed at me. But like I've had multiple black and brown people that are important to me in my life ever since I was little, so I guess if I'm out with my little sister(who's Chinese) and I see racism directed at her I'm going to pick up on that too and have to navigate that situation. White people are racial beings and we live in a racialized society it's just that we have the privilege of pretending that's not the case if we want to. You should always be listening to people who do experience racism about racism because they have had to be the recipient of it but that doesn't mean that racism is an unknowable mystery of the universe to you. It's something your friends and neighbors and coworkers have to navigate daily. The goal of listening to marginalized people is to better support them and one of the ways we do that is calling out other white people when they fuck up. They're not gonna listen to us for the most part, one thing I've learned being publicly vocally in support of people of color both in my real life and online is that there's no fuckin solidarity in the in group, but they are more likely to listen to you than they are to listen to poc (especially white queer people if you are yourself queer because there is actually some solidarity there as well as a leverage point). The more we as white people who care about PoC are afraid to talk about race issues the more PoC have to go it alone. I remember was in 8th grade when Michael Brown was killed, and I live in a predominantly white area, and for some fucking reason my social studies teacher decided to bring up what was happening in a class of roughly 30 white kids, one Asian girl, and one black girl and I stood up for him when the entire class was doing the whole "if he didn't want to get shot he shouldn't have been doing x y z" thing. And I remember that my black classmate didn't speak up until I had been defending him for like half the period and was getting visibly frustrated, and I kind of don't think that she would have said anything if no one had been on her side, because why would you take that risk. I was insulated partially because of my whiteness and partially because I was already being bullied so if I made a stink about something in class it couldn't get much worse for my gay goth autistic ass. The point of that anecdote is that if you rely on people of color around you to do the work of antiracism not only does that make things harder for them, but it also leaves the door open that that work won't get done because the person of color that you're afraid of speaking over will probably decide to prioritize their own safety. That's not to say you should speak over anyone either, but 90% of being an adult is figuring out how to navigate complex social situations and this is one of those.

Now of course I know that defending Michael Brown from racists is more serious than defending Ed Ourflagmeansdeath from racists because Michael Brown was a real person who died tragically and Ed is just my blorbo. But either way I'm in a proverbial room full of my chud peers and I've never been the kind of person to not say what I think, and in both situations I am kinda insulated from consequences. There's a reason @chuplayswithfire has had to turn off her anons and I haven't. Part of it might be follower count but I'm not enough of an idiot to think that's all it is.

I guess I kinda got off subject but you're on my blog, so cheers.

But yeah, as a certified villain fucker I would love it if the loudest and most prolific members of our community would just cool it on the racism(/misogyny if we leave the ofmd fandom). I don't even have that much of a problem with apologia in theory. In practice I've even dabbled in apologia myself for my man CJ. But villain fans have kinda always been like this. There's been us baddies who enjoy fucked up guys(gender neutral) and then there's the Snape wives and the Kylo Ren stans and the Jokercels who can't care about fans of color or women to save their life.

Also re: Badminton I too am a great fan of watching Rory Kinnear in period costumes die in stupid ways. As an actor I've thought Badminton would be an incredibly fun role to play since episode 2. Standing on a rock in the background and just fucking around while things happen in the foreground would be the time ever tbh.

#cw racism #ofmd #our flag means death

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microsuedemouse · 6 months

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I'm just!! so goddamn fucking sad and lonely and frustrated

I miss my Nana so much. I've never lost someone so important to me and it's just this big gaping wound I don't know how to close. it scabs over but man it's just a SCAB where I'm missing a CHUNK. I don't even have to pick at it; it gets caught on just anything and tears open and bleeds and hurts and everyone says all you can do is wait for it to heal on its own but how am I supposed to do that

I put in a request for the day off on the 17th when we're burying her, but my manager apparently hasn't noticed and she scheduled me that day. and like. I know our bereavement policy entitles me to a day off for funeral/burial services. but I just don't want to have to go talk to my manager about it. it feels like such a personal thing to have to bring up to someone directly. and I don't know how to mention it without crying anyway, and my current manager is like... the last person at work I want to cry in front of

I had my first shift back at work today after three fucking weeks out sick. I'm still noticeably coughing/sniffling but it was time to get back to it. a couple supervisors said something like 'oh glad you're feeling better' and the customer service desk colleague who took a lot of my sick calls said she was glad to see me. besides that I had One Person ask where I'd been. others seemed surprised, when I had cause to mention how long I'd been off. and like... I know they're just my coworkers, and there are lots of reasons that people might have noticed my absence and still not said anything, but I feel. so uncared about. I saw people today that I at least THOUGHT I was on pretty friendly terms with who didn't say a word. and it's just. I know my coworkers aren't my friends, I know they have their own lives, I know it's possible to go a while without overlapping shifts and not really notice, but... it stings. I've been trying so hard for an entire goddamn year to connect with these people at all and it feels like no one really cared that I was sick for three weeks, except in that they had to figure out who was covering my shifts.

I've had jobs with people I cared about. I've worked places that people were happy to have me back after I had strep for a week. I'm not saying everyone at work Should be friends, but it would be nice not to feel so alienated from everyone.

and like, it sucks that I rely on work for all my social contact. I wish I could see my friends more easily. if I hadn't been sick I could've seen some people around Halloween, but that didn't work out. I can count On One Hand the outside-of-work in-person social interactions I've had with friends this calendar year. and I've been TRYING to connect with people closer to where I am but it's just so fucking hard to make anything happen.

my best friend loves me but is fairly inconsistent at responding to texts. I adore my friends' big discord but I feel lost and distant when I try to participate. no one else really thinks to message me directly almost ever. I don't blame anyone for any of this, because I'm not doing much better, but it ends with me being so disconnected from everything and everyone.

I hate the 'if they cared, they'd reach out' attitude. it's not fair and I don't believe in it. I know my friends care, and I know I'm not making myself super easy to reach out to a lot of the time. but I also hate that I just missed three weeks of work and apparently a bunch of my coworkers didn't even notice. like... do I exist? am I still here at all?

I keep thinking of things I admired in my Nana, and how much I wish I could be more like her. Not just so I could feel more like she's with me, but because I think a lot of the things she was good at are things I could really use right now. she knew how to talk to anyone. she knew how to work hard. she knew how to live life fully and enjoy things and take opportunities.

I hate daylight savings and dark falling at 5pm. I hate that all my friends are so far away. I hate that connecting with new people is so fucking hard. I hate that my birthday is less than a week away and I feel nothing about it except sad that my Nana won't be there. I hate that I don't know how to have a proper conversation with almost anyone anymore, even people I love immensely. I hate having to remind myself that the baseline good things I still have are Something To Be Grateful For instead of just like, the basis of any kind of life. (of course I'm thankful to live with the family I adore, to have a safe home, to be employed at all... but it sucks that I'm stuck at like, the bottom of maslow's pyramid. I want more than this and I'm tired of feeling guilty for wanting more than this.) I hate knowing that we're headed into winter, which is always a hard time of year, and it's only going to be harder this time if something doesn't get better really soon. I don't want to be sad or lonely anymore!! I want something good to happen!! I want to matter!! I want to feel joy that lasts longer than a giggle at a youtube video!! I want to be a person again!!

#big sad stressed vent I'm sorry #you don't have to read this I just need it off my chest #it's kind of just a stream of consciousness anyway #personal #grocery grunt

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lang-rangler-enjoyer · 10 months

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TELL ME ABOUT YOUR STONE OCEAN OCS I'M WORKING ON MY OWN OCS AND NEED ✨INSPO✨

(esp Canada Goose he looks so FUNKY)

OK HERE WE GO :0 I don’t have too many

Canada Goose (yeah, that’s his name. legally)

•Somewhere in his late twenties. Six foot two. Chunky boi with fat tiddies. Has a large black back tattoo of the letters “BNL” in block font

•He’s a mid-to-high level ranking gangster in Sports Maxx’s gang who’s serving a reduced sentence (like Maxx, due to mafia destruction of evidence and legal tampering) for trafficking and selling hard drugs.

•He’s a natural stand user wielding Barenaked Ladies (often abbreviated to BNL). BNL is a soft, squishy parasitic stand that enters the body through open wounds and travels up the bloodstream to your brain. Once it’s in your head, BNL attaches itself to your brain and can read and transmit weak electric signals. Basically, this allows Goose to hear all your thoughts and allows him to send you telepathic messages. BNL can’t do any physical damage to its host, but it’s a psychological weapon that also gives Goose a huge boost in combat, kind of like Dragon’s Dream.

•Not too smart, but then again he doesn’t need to be. He’s good at what he does, he’ll leave the thinking up to people like Maxx. He’s a good listener, he loves just hanging out and shootin’ the shit with people, maybe with a drink and a smoke too.

Viktor Rolf (like the fashion house Viktor & Rolf)

•I COULDNT NOT STEAL HIM HES SO PRETTY LOOK 👁️👁️ AT HIMM

•Mid twenties. No significant tattoos, marks, or piercings.

•Dropped out of university (majoring in English) in his second year due to burn out and personal issues. Got a “temporary” job at the prison and promised his family and friends he’d be back at university as soon as he was feeling better. It’s been at least four years and yeah, he’s starting to feel like that’s never gonna happen. Not that he likes his job at GD st., he fucking HATES it here, but he just can’t bring himself to change everything again.

•He’s cold and standoffish with most people. He doesn’t want to get close with any of his coworkers because it feels like settling in, admitting defeat, admitting he’s never going to leave. Not rude per say, just curt and withdrawn.

•Oh yeah, and he’s secretly dating Goose. He appreciates that Goose doesn’t judge or ask questions.

Dege Goose-Rolf and Skinner Goose-Rolf (like the fashion company Dege & Skinner)

Don’t ask how it happened. Goose would probably tell you, just don’t ask.

•I’m away right now and haven’t had the time to draw them more :( so these are just preliminary sketches

•The twins are weird. like those kids who show up at family gatherings and you’re not quite sure who they’re related to but your mom says you have to sit next to them even if they chew crayons and smell funny.

•They’re very close. Goose is trying his best but he is a first time single dad with no idea what he’s doing, so they sometimes have to rely on each other.

•They share the stand Beastie Boys. I haven’t figured out what it does yet 🤔

#oc tag #canada goose #viktor rolf #dege and skinner #asks

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