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#so now i have a completely different association with that set bc i got to see bellini enjoy it
magentagalaxies · 4 months
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went to toronto again for new years weekend and spent pretty much the entire time hanging out with paul bellini which included us rewatching a bunch of episodes from kith s4 during dinner on new years eve. and y'know the second best thing about watching kids in the hall with paul bellini is getting to hear a bunch of behind-the-scenes backstory about the inspiration for sketches, previous versions that never saw the light of day, , etc. but the actual best thing about watching kids in the hall with paul bellini is when an entire sketch will play without comment and at the very end he goes "the fuck was that?"
#i already sent a similar thing to the kith discord like right after this happened but i can't stop thinking about it that was so funny#the specific sketch he was reacting to was mark's monologue about having no sex appeal#(paul had completely forgotten that one bc he didn't write it and he wasn't even there the day it was filmed)#we were specifically watching s4 bc he's seen seasons 1-3 fairly recently but s4 he's less familiar with#partially bc he and scott spent so much of the year working on chalet 2000#but yeah i'll do a full end of the year post as soon as i get the rest of the pics from hanging out at bellini's apartment on new years eve#but yeah this weekend was so fucking good. like we've really come full circle#from the days when i'd joke on here that ''paul bellini is my bestie'' bc he replied to my comment once#bc now i genuinely consider him one of my closest friends and it seems like he sees me that way too#like just the fact that we were hanging out all day both days i was in town even if it was just like running errands together#and any time someone called him he'd make sure to mention ''jessamine's here!'' and he sounded so happy about that#and we watched the video of my standup final together which i used to cringe at just bc i low key bombed in front of the second audience#like i think the performance itself was great the audience just wasn't giving me any reaction#but even tho paul had clearly watched that video multiple times he was still laughing at a lot of it#and making sure to note whenever he genuinely thought i had a great joke which was often#so now i have a completely different association with that set bc i got to see bellini enjoy it#i don't have a specific favorite kith member (i know it seems like it's obviously scott but i love them all for different reasons)#and it's also complicated by knowing some of them irl bc my relationship to each of them is so different and great in their own ways#but yeah there's something so special about my friendship with bellini#i'm so excited to move to toronto full time next year bc i already know i'm probably coming over to paul's for dinner at least once a week
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reineyday · 4 months
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i’m back to say that magnificent was so so so good!! i love the uta mihawk interactions and how mihawk wants to protect her. i think my favorite part though was when mihawk was talking to shanks all nervous about whether he could call uta his daughter, but shanks answers with an “of course.”
this fic made me wonder why mihawk would do if he was present during the one piece film red… would he come along with the red crew, or would he already be there like the others (luffy, law, etc)?
awh 💖💖 thank u for your continued support! it means a lot :') and im happy you enjoyed the fic haha 🥰
UH, long answer short: i kind of have headcanons that position him before, during, and after the movie hahaha. sorry this reply turned out longer than i expected but my brain's got a mihawk & uta agenda goin' on rn. 😂 thanks again for the ask! ➡️
i actually have a bit of a draft going of mihawk seeing the "shanks destroys elegia" headline, seeing what's up, and finding uta, which i started before i wrote up magnificent lol. that's kinda where i picture him--doing something before everything happens, bc his curiosity makes him wonder why shanks would do smthg so uncharacteristic.
i recognize that's kind of a cop-out answer tho LOL so in regards to the movie itself in the canon(ish) timeline, i imagine he'd probably be there beforehand like luffy etc. he'd be there bc buggy and his crew got tickets and he was somehow dragged there against his will (similar to how law says he's chaperoning bepo but a lot more antagonistic about it aha), probably bc croc decides it might be beneficial to go, for whatever reason. probably scoping the crowd. (pls imagine the cross guild at uta's concert garnering Looks and standing out very obviously, but no one wants to say anything about it LOL even if the crowd is very anti-pirate. like, the strawhats and soen charlottes were there so. why not some ex-warlords?)
when there, he'd be like, "hey wait isn't that shanks's kid? didn't he say she left to sing? huh." and then maybe possibly even dial shanks on his baby den den about it bc if he's the type to bring luffy's poster all the way to an island, he'd probably try to ring up shanks. then he wouldn't be able to connect and clock that something is Up bc he knows shanks is just kinda hanging on his ship rn, on his way out from wano. i dont think he'd be with shanks along with his crew, and i dont think he'd bother going after the fact to help if he wasn't there to start with, which is why i think he'd already be there for separate reasons. ;P
anyways, i also have the start of an idea where the movie happens but uta survives, and shanks, stressed, is like, "hey, y'know what, everything's ramping up and everyone's trying to kill uta and she's still recovering from this wakeshroom shit so she'd probably be safer on land but the marines will be looking for all my known close associates... i'm gonna drop her off with mihawk. he trained those two other kids and the misanthropic fucker (affectionate) has probably found a new island by now anyways, since he isn't a warlord anymore. it should be fine. he'll say yes."
he sets out with his crew to follow mihawk's vivre card. benn and yasopp get the news coo and start laughing about something but they don't tell him, and whatever, he's going to see mihawk soon. he's definitely being led to land, which makes him feel vindicated, until it becomes more and more clear that the structure standing out on the shore is a huge big top tent, and there's an unfortunately very familiar flag flying, and shanks is like, "oh god, don't tell me," and then promptly has to dodge a flying fist and yelling about how he isn't welcome here and what the fuck is mihawk doing with buggy???? and benn and yasopp, having seen the cross guild poster in the news and hidden it from shanks, are laughing so hard at him while he deals with this momentary crisis where two completely different parts of his life have seem to connected without his knowing about it.
(buggy is happy to see uta bc for all that they fight shanks and buggy did make some sort of effort with their brotherhood every now and then so he knows uta and she calls him "uncle bugs"!; mihawk ofc says "yes" to taking care of her bc he feels qualified to handle young adults now lol (he says this with an air of gravitas that is hilarious when considering how he interacts with zoro and perona, which is stoically and poorly); uta makes fun of her dad relentlessly for not having made any moves on the guy he's been in a situationship with since she was a literal child; and croc comes home from a meeting to find international pop sensation uta (that the news said tried to take over the world during her concert or something???) reclined on their couch drinking tea. wild day for everyone.)
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novelcain · 1 year
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I have a small head cannon now with my version of reader that I wanted to share with you:
She has a lotus pin in her hair due to her association with Quanyin and it has the added bonus of extra protection (like a protection seal)
Just wanted to share, now I’m going back into my hole to finally finish a fic that’s been giving me writers block for two months now.
*gets slapped with writers block in the face*
Gosh darn it….
(By the way any tips on how to overcome writers block?)
That's a pretty interesting idea. Like a lil fashionable talisman~
And good luck with your writing hope you can get through the writers block
As far as tips go, I unfortunately can't help much in the writer's/artist's block since I don't really get it.😬 If anything I just get bursts of laziness where I don't wanna pick up my laptop cause that's too much effort and so end up curled up in my nest scrolling through tiktok all day. But to remedy that, I just force myself to pick up my laptop or @lovesick-ritz will kindly hand it to me so I can get things done.
So here's the tips that I could think of:
Set a designated area or method for writing (ex. I only write on my laptop bc I've assigned it mentally as my preferred place to write)
Make it as easy as possible for you to write (ie. leave the writing tabs open. I personally never have word closed there's always at least my notes tab open but I usually have at least 3 word tabs don't ask me why I'm addicted to keeping tabs open)
Try to get rid of as many distractions as you can like unneeded social media (having a tumblr tab open is always my down fall cause I get distracted by asks)
Since I have adhd and autism complete silence honestly distracts me more than anything so I like to play this 10 hour thunder storm video on YouTube (this also helps with my tinnitus in case anyone else got that)
Another thing I've been told that help is just start writing little notes or just anything at all and maybe that'll spur you into what you want to be writing
Also some random tips if found useful when it comes to writing/drawing:
If you hyperfixate on writing and drawing for long periods of time like I do (like I'm talking about 8 hour sit down don't move sessions) get water and a couple snacks before you start and be sure to stretch at least once an hour
Remember to specifically do full hand stretches to avoid carpal tunnel and writer's/artist's arthritis
Try to get up and walk around as much as possible (if you can as someone with walking issues I know that isn't always easy or even possible)
One thing I like to do to rest my eyes and brain is after a few hours I'll go to Spotify and play a few songs (or in my case one song on repeat I've been particularly obsessed with the Epic sagas since they've come out and have been constant listening to Survive in the Cyclops saga) with your eyes closed. Staring at a screen all day can be harmful to your eyes and brain.
And for drawing with adhd, if you're working on a long piece it can get frustrating to work on one part for long periods of time so keep in mind that if you're start to feel bored or tired with the part that you're working on it's ok to move to a different part. (ie. you've been working on the hair for a while and start to feel understimulated to move to the face or even a completely different area so get that stimulation) It's not like a story where you gotta remember plot points and continuity the whole thing is right there so just work on whatever part catches your fancy. Or hell if you get bored just draw lil scribbles for a second in a corner somewhere until you feel up to going back to the piece.
Please keep in mind while reading these that I by no means have healthy habits. As I stated I hyperfixate on projects and will often neglect my human needs for extremely long periods on accident; however, I am lucky enough to have a very attentive partner that reminds me and encourages me to take care of myself and helps me when I can't. (Love you Ritz. Literally couldn't live without you~ mwah💜)
HOWEVER! Because of this I am extremely used to living with unhealthy habits and have an OBSENE amount of tips for dealing/living with them so if anyone wants some autism/adhd/depression/anxiety (all of which I have kinda extreme forms of) life tips lemme know and I'll write a whole essay for you. Tho again I will say these tips are not cures. These conditions are permanent so these tips would just be ways to make living with them a little easier. (Honestly I might just make that post even if no one asks for it on the off chance that helps even one person)
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dianaladrislovebot · 5 months
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gone headcanons that have popped into my unhinged little brain, part 5 : colours edition
hey there besties it’s been long enough since the last hcs post so here’s another one (i promise the next one will be actual hcs). yesterday i asked on both instagram and tumblr what colours y’all associate w the characters bc i mentioned to me diana is a very red character so i thought i’d take a general consensus on the other characters and i got some really good answers so i thought i’d share ! i’ve compiled a few of my personal favourites that i feel are the most accurate, thank you to everyone who contributed ! <3
sam temple : light green
i think sam being light green was the colour most people saw him as (probably due to his power) but i did also see some ocean blue’s which i liked, but green is personally my favourite for sam
caine soren : navy blue
literally everyone agreed on either this or indigo which in my mind are the same thing. there was not a single other answer he IS navy blue.
astrid ellison : baby blue / cream
i did see a couple of other answers for this but i think these two sum her up the best in terms of her personality and characterisation
diana ladris : bright red / royal purple
as i said, i’ve always seen diana as a very red coded character but i did see a couple of purples and i raise you: royal purple, as she is named after a princess
drake merwin : blood red
i use to see him kind of green bc of his connection to the gaiaphage while completely neglecting how red he is. i’ve been a fool.
quinn gaither : sand
i didn’t get any answers for him but i’m glad for that bc i wouldn’t be able to see him as anything other than sand. any other answer would have been wrong
edilio escobar : burnt orange
i originally thought of him as a rich chocolate colour but a friend brought dark orange to my attention and now i believe it wholeheartedly. i look at that colour and see edilio.
brianna berenson : bright yellow / orange
brianna’s a very hyper, overbearing, in your face character so her having such an exuberant borderline obnoxious colour seems fitting
dekka talent : dark purple
i was actually stumped on dekka until i had a few people answer this so i thank you bc you’re so correct she is dark purple
lana arwen lazar : rust red
i don’t even have an explanation for this i just feel it in my bones. she is this.
mary terrafino : baby pink / dark pink
i think mary starts off the fayz a very light pink. a very feminine, childish pink. but as the series goes on and her mental state deteriorated, i think she shifts into more of a dark pink to signify her downward spiral
albert hillsborough : money green
come on. i don’t need to explain.
taylor : hot pink / gold
obviously i know people associate her w gold bc she turned gold blah blah blah but as a character she’s very hot pink. i imagine her very girly and gossipy and such before the fayz, very 13 year old girl ish so hot pink sums that up nicely
computer jack : silver
i had a few people answer this and i’ve honestly never thought about it before but you’re so right and you should say it
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that’s all the main characters that i have set in stone and i’m pretty happy w them tbh. once again thank you to everyone who participated and gave me ideas bc somehow you were all correct. i love hearing how different people interpret the characters it’s so interesting
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real-life-cloud · 9 months
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Hey uhh I vaguely remember reading in your tags somewhere some time maybe long ago that you were homeschooled, do you mind me asking just generally what that was like? Don‘t share if you don‘t want to
Y'know what, sure! I like telling stories and oversharing on the internet tbh. Strap in lol it got long.
Tldr; homeschooling was isolating, it definitely set me back socially. The self paced nature of the work put way too much pressure on me, and now I have terrible choice paralysis and rarely finish a project I start. If you or someone you know is considering homeschooling someone, make sure they know what they're getting into.
A lot of homeschooled kids were put into that kind of schooling because their parents want to monitor them. That's not healthy. I'm sure that's not how it is every time and that there's applications of homeschooling that work for people, but it needs to be done well. Kids need to be properly socialized, supported, and given the privacy they need.
Some background info on why I left public: There was an incident where a teacher yelled at me for no good reason in front of the entire student body during lunch. (I was holding a piece of paper (THAT ANOTHER TEACHER GAVE ME FOR HIM TO SIGN) in the lunchroom which wasn't allowed??) I was EXTREMELY embarrassed and anxious around that teacher from then on. I got moved to a different class so I didn't have to be near him. The guidance counselor was really helpful during the whole thing.
OKAY storytime 📖
"Homeschooling" can mean a couple different things , I did it two different ways at points in my life. I feel like the first thing ppl think of is being taught at home by a tutor or parent, but I wasn't homeschooled in this way. And I was in public school until about 7th grade actually!
However, my mom was super mad, and wanted to talk to the man that yelled at me, but the principal wouldn't let her. They kept giving excuses as to why but the jist was: the guy was an asshole and they knew it. SO mom got fed up with the staff and just pulled me out of public school altogether. It was actually my idea! The thought of seeing that teacher again was so upsetting that I just wanted to leave.
[ I feel like I should also mention that I grew up religious and that it was super common for kids to be homeschooled in my church; you were looked up to for homeschooling your kid bc it "kept them away from bad association" and "gave them more time to devote to god." So my mom didn't really fight me on the suggestion. ]
First, I did cyber school! I was in cyber school from 7th - 10th ish. I was given a laptop that blocked anything fun (but not well, so I zipped right past all the blocks lol) and had online classes. It was similar to how I think school worked during covid? No cameras yet tho, just a teacher on VC with power point slides and a chatroom for students. I was a pretty good student up until this point, but I started barely scraping by a lot of classes and failing others. I think I retook pre algebra 3 times? I passed with a very low D 🫶
And SOME classes were self paced. Those were the Fucking Worst. No teacher, not really. I could technically email a teacher with questions but I was a horribly anxious little 14 yr old so no way was I gonna do that. I remember one year I had a civics class that was self paced and I was so lost and stressed about it that I procrastinated til the entire course had like a week til it was due. And it wasn't just tests, I had to make multiple power points on different topics throughout the course. I had a complete emotional breakdown in front of my mom cause I'd been hiding this from her. I was so afraid she'd be mad, but she helped me finish everything on time. She basically did like half of it for me, bless her. God I hated that class.
So at this point school is going. Kind of really bad. My grades suck and half the time I cheat. I don't really have friends because all I do is sit on my laptop and go to church with my family. I didn't have any contact with my old school friends because they weren't a part of my religion. (Jehovah's Witnesses are super exclusive and cult-y) And teenage me has just realized they're not straight!
Like many isolated, repressed, gay teenagers, I mainly expressed myself online. But a few months after I turned 16, my parents found my secret email account that was connected to all my private social media. It was very apparent I was gay. So I outed myself by accident. They pretty much took away all my access to the internet and started paying super close attention to the media I consumed. I'm just glad they didn't go to our church elders and tell on me for my sins or whatever. Life continued as "normal" with them just. Pretending it didn't happen and hoping and praying that I'd magically turn straight. I actually recently found out that my parents NEVER talked about my sexuality with each other during this stage. They just completely avoided the topic.
[ another note, my entire immediate family is actually out of that religion now, and everybody's cool with the gay thing 🫶 my dad actually told me that my coming out is what made him question some things with our religion. ]
But then it became a question of what I was supposed to do for school. I couldn't be on the Websites That Turn You Gay, but I was also doing bad in school and would be put behind a grade or two. Not to mention I was terribly anxious and hadn't really socialized with people my age for the past 3 or so years.
That's how I started correspondence schooling! Another kind of home schooling. It's exactly what it sounds like. The school sends you books and tests, then you mail back the finished papers to be graded. And you might be thinking, Cloudy didn't you just go over how much you hated the self paced classes in cyber? This sounds just like that but worse! And I would say why yes, anon, I did! Such a good memory!! Gold star for you ⭐
This schooling didn't go great, as you could imagine... I think I finished two classes? This didn't have any time limit, however. So why on earth would I feel any pressure to do anything? Overall it was a giant waste of money. I just kept not doing it! Then life got super crazy, I won't go into detail but it was a rollercoaster of family drama, my mental health being at the worst it ever was, and leaving that religion. And then covid!!!! Everything happens so much 😞
I was so far from my diploma that I gave up on finishing my classes and started focusing on getting my GED. This took me another 2 years lol. I finally got it last summer!! I also landed a new job in the spring after being unemployed for a little over a year. And I just got my driver's license last week! It's taken me a longgggg time but my life is on the roll again. This is probably more than you were asking about but yeah.
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bonesandthebees · 10 months
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Anyways idk how long it'll be so I am putting these in multiple asks so it's not too overwhelming (hopefully idk) so you get to deal with me in my Sleep Deprived Insomniac Mode™
Completely jumping to a different topic than glass: honey and tangerines bc I have not appreciated this fic enough
Something about me is that coming of age stories are my favorite and they just do smth to me and I can't explain it idk
But everytime the song bittersweet symphony comes on I think of this fic and it makes me happy and I enjoy it, it also happens when I hear the song come on Eileen and this fic was actually what got me to listen to this song for the first time and now it is in many of my favorite Spotify playlists bc it is just happy and upbeat and sometimes I need a break from my angsty and sad playlists and this song just makes me happy so I quite enjoy this song
Also I went to the farmers market the other day and the whole time I was thinking of the scene in honey and tangerines where Tommy helps set up Niki's flower stand (I think that that is what it was) and then he sits down at at table or smth and tubbo comes up (and ranboo and aimsey I'm pretty sure) and tubbo had these honey sticks and there was this stall at the farmers market I went to had honey sticks and sadly I didn't get any but anyways I thought of honey and tangerines the whole time and there was this attractive French man who baked pastries and I rlly wanted to buy some from him but sadly I could not and i was sad afterwards bc I could not buy these tasty french pastries from the attractive French man but I'm pretty sure he had a girlfriend so I don't think I would've had a shot especially if he was straight but mans was giving fruity vibes so idk maybe he was bi or pan which is ideal for me bc I'm genderfluid and I don't think I could date a straight person bc of that lol but anyways as I was leaving the farmers market I saw this guy on a skateboard and I already had honey and tangerines on the brain so naturally I thought of the scene where theyre teaching tommy to skateboard and everytime I see skateboards (and I mean everytime) I think of this scene and every time I want to learn how to skateboard but I don't have the time for that so :(
But I love honey and tangerines and it will always have a special place in my heart and I think that everytime I see a skateboard or a laundromat or a farmers market or the specific art style where there are things in place of the head I will think of honey and tangerines and I love it I love it I love it and thank you so so much for writing it bc it is one of my favorite peices of words ever so thank you
(I am not responsible for lack of punctuation it is 3 am and I've been up for 15 hrs so give me a break)
-🌼
man that makes me so happy that you think of honey and tangerines every time you hear bittersweet symphony and come on eileen both of those songs mean so much to me and knowing you associate them with my silly story makes me smile
oh yeah I love getting honey sticks from the farmers market. the farmers market in honey and tangerines was very heavily based off the farmers market I go to nearly every saturday and there's always honey sticks and french pastries and fruit and flowers and just so much stuff it's really lovely
if you ever get the chance to learn to skateboard you should try it! I mean I don't know how to skateboard nor have I ever really wanted to try but it seems fun. back when i was in middle school/high school these things called penny boards were really popular. so many kids on my street learned how to ride them and would just ride around all the time and I never tried but I thought it looked very fun so I was definitely imagining those when I wrote that scene
it means so much to hear how many things you associate with that fic that makes me so happy :D
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khodorkovskaya · 1 year
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08.04.23
today was a great day at the shop! it was very slow at first and there were no customers for the first like two hours and i was starting to get upset. but then so many people started going in! in the end i was only 15 chf away from the ultimate goal!!! (and by ultimate goal i mean really we don't get these kind of numbers every day so it was an extraordinary result)
the best moment of the day was when these two american ladies came in and one of them bought the céline leather jacket and it suited her sooo well! and she was like "show me something i might have missed, do you have anything unique?". and i remembered about the absolutely gorgeous versace top we received the other day. it looks a bit weird on the hanger and i was like just try it on trust me! and she did and it looked AMAZING on her! so she ended up buying it. and i was just a tiny bit sad bc i wanted to keep the top for myself but oh well.
here it is btw:
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anyway nik came to chill for a bit. he was coding in the storage room/kitchen while i was with the customers. his gf broke up with him bc he got drunk and shouted at her. it's the same story with him every time, i swear. like idk if i can be compassionate anymore. and idk how to judge him bc the first couple of times his alcohol problems and the issues related to them seemed sad. but idk if he's putting in any effort into fixing his life and becoming a better person. it's always the same shit with him.
but to be fair, it's always the same shit with me too so im not the one to judge. it was his bday party yesterday and he invited everyone to a bar. and im in my tea drinking era and really didn't feel like going. but the thing that motivated me was that it was B's favourite bar and he's there every weekend. so i, being the absolute pathetic loser clown that i am, was like "oooo i might bump into him if i go". and guess what, the first thing that nik said to me when i got there was "yeah, B was there a minute ago but i told him that you were coming so he left". like 💀💀💀 and then the night was ruined basically. bc i was paranoid the whole night. i was like omg what if B's gonna come back what if what if what if. i felt pathetic.
and it's frustrating in a way bc i feel like B must be handling the breakup so much better than me even tho im the one who left. like he doesn't watch my insta stories, he didn't stop to talk to me that one time i bumped into him by the river, he seems so much more disciplined than me... like idk. meanwhile im still obsessed and dream about him every night. and i fuel this obsession more and more like i can't stop myself.
this week im catsitting for my neighbour and again, i can't stop being a loser about it. bc ive known her and her cat (bless her!) since high school. and guess who else i knew since high school? like i have these vivid memories of going to check up on the cat and then coming out of the building and B waiting for me by the door with his bike and everything. and then going to the frog pond and passing by the petrol station to get pasta for dinner and then going to his place. and the fucking birds singing fuckk i hate those stupid birds i want them to shut up. because it takes me back to those evenings with B. and even tho this is the same building in front of which i used to take the school bus every morning when i was a kid, the only thing i can associate with it is B. despite all the other memories i have in this neighbourhood, it's always B B B.
and now i live in a different neighbourhood and listen to different music and have completely changed my wardrobe, i still have those memories ingrained in me. of me in my denim skirt and pink velvet top from bershka i bought when i was 17. him on his bike with his stupid backpack and cheeky grin. that one picture of us smiling in the countryside with wheat fields and the lignon towers behind us. the birds singing and the sun setting.
fuck.
when will it end?
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cajolions · 1 year
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hiiiii 7 13 14 :) <3
Hii!!! Wrote too much as usual lol it's bc they're good questions
7. Favourite works of all time excluding your own?
Ohhh ok so, I interpreted this as Paintings I Think About All The Time, so this excludes any video and sculpture and stuff and is almost only stuff I’ve seen in person.
From more recent years, I’ve really liked “The Lookout (All’s Well)” by Winslow Homer’s and “Automedon with the Horses of Achilles” by Henri Regnault. Online photos do neither of these justice. The lookout is so so cool when it comes to depicting the dimness of night, and the position of the three stars in the sky along with the little speck of moonlight on the bell really fascinated me— they’re in such weird spots in the painting! Also maritime theme so +one million points. 
For Automedon, it’s the humongous size of the painting and the tragedy of the character that got me. Poor Automedon is so clearly doomed but he is too young, too loyal, seems too innocent to realize it. The fact that the painting is set in this kind of barren rocky seaside landscape that we associate with the land of the dead makes this effect even stronger for me. It’s those Greek Epics Feels yk?
Otherwise, in paintings I used to have a much stronger obsession with but which still really get me there’s The Floor Scrapers by Caillebotte, Carnation Lilly Lilly Rose by John Singer Sargent, David Hockney’s A Bigger Splash, and Hopper’s Rooms By the Sea. 
The Floor Scrapers and A Bigger Splash I get excited about on a technical level. The casual, photographic posing and the natural light in The Floor Scrapers is so beautiful and fills me with a real human empathy for the men in the image, reminds me of their lives. It’s all the stuff I really like about the impressionists, when they’re depicting People and Sight Itself. 
A Bigger Slash is still sooooo cool to me I have no idea why. Idk, as I see it Hockney’s one of those creators whose sardonic eye remains sentimental and earnestly invested in beauty. This painting has a lot of that imo. Like yes, fuck a California swimming pool, but it’s also genuinely beautiful, and come here let’s hold those two ideas in the mind at once. The fact that it’s made with commercial wall paint (iirc) is also huge in that regard. 
Now, the Sargent painting and the Hockney painting have been the support for two different Ongoing Personal Crises that I’ve now mostly moved on from but I ruminated on them a lot. The Hockney painting to me is about bravery in the face of the unknown, and transitioning from control to the complete lack of it. Will you leave the comfortable familiarity of the hotel room and jump, with no support and no transition, into the ocean where you will have no way to come back up? I now think the dichotomy of how I framed that question is flawed, but there was a time where I put a lot of pressure on myself to cut loose, and was very ashamed of my attachments and the accusation that I leveraged against myself reflected itself in Rooms By the Sea. 
The Sargent painting hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw it because I projected onto it that effortless experience of Mystery that fades as you grow up. A little corner of garden like that, paper lanterns, and a cousin you see once in a while all have this mysterious quality when you’re 7 years old which over the years becomes plastered over with the Understanding we need to make decisions and be an actor in the world. I can still get myself in a state where I can marvel at the world, and feel a sense of unknowing at the places I find myself in, but it’s a state I have to get myself into, and I think there’s no such thing as truly forgetting what you know when you look at the world. 
13. Show your favourite drawing from last year
Not really one drawing but it’s def the Corto comic. Comics are just… I fucking love making comics dude. Meditating on the characters, making them act, writing the dialogue, moving the camera around, it really has all the elements of other art making that I love and I think this one comic came to me quite effortlessly and gave me the motivation to make the more recent one about my uncle. 
In terms of execution I’m also rlly happy with this Lyle sketch that I’m never gonna finish. He just looks good in it lol.
14. How has your art changed over the years?
Oooohf uh. This is really hard to talk about well. I think in my own experience while drawing the most important difference is that I used to go “ok, I’m going to draw a face, here’s how I’ve learned to do a face, here’s how I’ll tweak it to look how I want” and now I’m more likely to think “ok, what technique do I want to focus on for this drawing? what direction do I want to stretch myself in?” 
I guess it’s a slow evolution of artistic maturity, where instead of directly copying and applying tricks to depict content, I’m more able to look at the material I have and go “what can I do with this?” Concretely, I’ve become a lot less focused on anatomy, perspective, and facial features and a lot more focus on color, composition and big blocky shapes. That being said, I think the blocky style I’ve been doing more of has actually improved both my line art (which I now do with a bolder pen, or a heavily textured pen on really small canvases) and my rendering abilities. 
My bad habits or “crutches” have also changed, especially when it comes to depicting and rendering bodies. I used to use layer effects for shading a bunch, and never really do that anymore, but now I’m always placing light in the same damn places when I render a face lol. 
In terms of pure aesthetic I would say there have been a number of overlapping Styles or Tendencies something like:
Everything has a flats or thick line art and random ill-considered pink overlays (lol and lol)
Surprisingly parsimonious rendering, usually with flat brushes, but it’s exclusively heads looking left 
A brief run-in with better soft brush line art and more tasteful flats with less rendering (ding and dong)
Too much ill-considered rendering with overly ambitious lighting contexts (rip and F)
Oh shit crunchy brushes (cronch and crunch)
Polyline tool flats (introducing, backgrounds if you squint) evolving slowly throughout (here, here and here for eg) 
Heavy black linear + lasso tool flats / rendering? (bing and bong) 
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msookyspooky · 2 years
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maybe later on we could have a better look into billy's psychosis?
i would never survive this cause my psychosis makes me so paranoid sometimes i cannot leave my house. if someone so much as hinted anyone as the killer it would be game over, i can't sleep, i think everything is poisoned and im convinced im always being followed. i can recognise when it's a delusion normally but that doesn't make it any less real. if you tell someone with psychosis that there hallucinations/delusions are not real it's very bad, it's like if someone told you that the sky doesn't exist.
a thing with my psychosis that i would like to think billy experiences is forgetting. i don't want him to be in distress but i would quite like some representation because i want to relate to him more. if someone has hurt me or made me upset sometimes i will just forget. i will associate them with pain but i won't remember what they have done, it really sucks. i most likely remember after a while though. it just feels invalidating and i think that i did something. sometimes i have an episode or really bad anger and my coping is pretty self destructive.
if you don't think it's right for his character or this didn't make sense then ignore me. i hope you are doing well, i love your writing. <3
Sorry, I've had such a busy week! Grandpa in the hospital with pneumonia, driving 30 min away twice a day everyday to take care of his pets, family friend has uterine cancer and my mom is driving her to her surgery and were both helping her out at home this week and weirdly enough my great uncle had been battling cancer for 5 years (Terminal. He's on his death bed basically. He only weighs 95 lbs now.) and has medical psychosis now.
His body has been through so much that one day his mind just snapped for lack of a better word. He walked in the hospital fine and completely his regular self before a surgery and then within an hour of waiting he started screaming and thrashing that he was in a bus and kids were going to get ran over. It scared my aunt to death bc he wasn't my uncle in that moment and none of us have ever seen him like that before. He's home and doing much better. He knows who you are has complete clarity but he is absolutely terrified now of my aunt leaving his side 💔 He got so angry and scared when she left and one of us watched him in her place (He can't hardly walk) but yet that day he made all these appointments and paid bills before my aunt even got up and made a ton of phone calls he just doesn't want her to ever leave...Ik I shouldn't laugh but I gotta find something to laugh about in this situation and he was talking to us calm as can be on the phone and just casually mentioned. "Yeah, ya know she has me in a box underground, right? These fucking abortion nurses are stealing fetuses and they got me locked in a god damn box bc they couldn't steal mine."
...We just rolled with it but omfg I'm glad we know he has psychosis rn bc I can't imagine a stranger calling me and telling me that 🥴☠️ I just have to laugh and so did my aunt bc she's so defeated and tired seeing him like that and taking care of him that we have to find some humor in this especially since he's not scared about it just not connecting certain dots and he only gets scared when she leaves for groceries or anything like that bc that's when the paranoia sets in. And it's just disheartening to see him in this mental state sometimes
I know that psychosis is different in everyone and medical psychosis might not be the same as the psychosis you're dealing with and that there's varying levels and that most psychosis especially medical or stress can go away within time and on proper medication. Now, idk much about psychosis brought on by having other psychological disorders or if there are forms of psychosis that never goes away?? I'm more than eager to learn from your perspective bc I definitely hc Billy is my story as having psychosis similar to his future daughter Sam but he just won't admit it and that maybe it's lessened since his Mom's death or gotten worse; either way. Maybe both? Bc now I could see his paranoia heightening from cops, betrayal, etc.
Sadly tho, this story is from YN POV
I fully understand wanting to relate to him but I feel like that can be hard to do bc from not only who I've known irl with psychosis and what I'm trying to educate myself on is everyone's symptoms and degrees of the symptoms are different. Plus, it's hard to do with YN being the POV and the only canon mental issues she has is PTSD, Anxiety and probably High Functioning Depression from what she's went through (Of course anyone is free to add in their own to personalize the experience while reading) and people thought she had psychosis from Billy and Stu purposely trying to make her doubt herself as well as others doubt her in Windsor. So, that makes it hard to show Billy's POV in detail.
I'm sure tho later on a short story will come along the way and I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me your experience with psychosis so I can add it into Billy's character. 🖤🖤🖤
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raraeavesmoriendi · 2 years
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I know I’m always muttering about this on twitter but I feel like I’ve seen enough frustrated grumbling on here to mention this now:
seeing a character you love mistreated in canon? is an excellent jumping off point for making your own OC/world/story and running with them
seriously. take the most basic parts of the person/the world that attracted you to them, and then add your own spice: what else would your ideal version of that character have? what fun little things do you like that you think they’d also be into? what motifs/symbolism/themes do you think would’ve been so perfect for your late blorbo from whatever that the version you fell for (now referred to as The Prototype) that were never applied?
the other really cool part is once you make your own, you get to apply shit no one would’ve associated with that character originally that you just think is neat, but maybe could’ve never justified in a canon-adjacent au fic or something like that. you have a weirdly specific interest in something that never comes up in the thing you’re doing better? boom, so does your little new scrimblo now. you want to set it in a different time period or country entirely? awesome, you can do that. we’re in space now? sure, let’s go for it.
then just take the part where your blorbo got done dirty and go “anyway fuck that, here’s what I’m doing” and there’s your plot to build your own world from. you need a monster? congrats, you get to make the monster. you need an antagonist (bc a monster and an antagonist are not necessarily the same)? make it make more sense and seem more well-thought out than what you got originally. you need a new specific thing/event that gets your blorbo in a room with other characters? cool, you get to make that and make them too.
not to mention? if you wanna make them actually gay or bi or ace or trans or disabled, and not just working off headcanons, you absolutely can 🤘🏻 and there will never be any interview with some well-meaning actor/writer/creator whatever that says otherwise, bc that shit is all you now, babeyyyy
don’t get me wrong, fix-it fics are great and in a whole a league of their own, and I respect them immensely. they do valuable transformative work and mean a lot to the people in fandom 🖤 if that’s what you need to do, do that and do that merrily.
I just wanted to say that (though I know I mostly talk about my OCs who bloomed out of love for a genre rather than anything more specific), as someone who has more than once seen their fave from some big media conglomerate get axed/character-assassinated and went “no ❤️”, I now have multiple (currently backburner) projects where I said “okay but here’s how I’m going to do this and do this properly,” and I have to say that making your own homemade blorbo from scratch
a. is insanely rewarding
and b. will probably be a much more interesting and varied version based on what’s usually allowed in a mainstream show/film/book etc. these days.
it takes a different kind of work than traditional fanfic (instead of clicking puzzle pieces into place, it’s more improvising on a recipe with a few basic generic ingredients), but as long as you distinguish your version to make it completely yours, it’s a deeply valid part of the creative process.
ultimately, do whatever you find most creatively fulfilling and go with that, it’s all for fun and what you get from your own work is more important. people in the mood for a puzzle aren’t always looking to wander off and bake, and that’s totally fine and understandable.
but the way I’ve seen more than a few of my moots write, I think their version they made entirely themselves would be so much better than a lot of big corporate stories by a multitude of ten 👀 js 🖤
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the-canine-king · 6 months
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Okay so funny story, I was listening to Uninstall again and it became an earworm before I finally decided to check out the media where this song came from (or at least the manga), Bokurano
After reading the first volume I literally couldn't put it down and committed to finish reading it. Here's my honest thoughts on it (not really a formal review). Also I'm gonna spoil it bc there's no way not to spoil it if I want to talk about the story lol
First off, I'm actually a complete sucker for dark psychological/ existential stuff that talk about morality and life and don't mind darker tones being addressed in stories. The manga does not shy away from the ugliness and tragedy of it all and it's the centerpiece to a lot of the character's stories. Characters having to choose which choice is the "right" moral choice is always so fun to read. Plus, all of them don't share the same moral compass which is always so fun to read different perspectives and arguments. Compared to the saturation of "being the good hero" in stories, I love when characters are cruel and selfish for their own personal gain. I don't like them as a person but as a writing device? A painful yet entertaining read.
Despite the story being pretty simple (due to it feeling "episodic" since it just develops one pilot at a time) and predictable (in some parts lol), I really enjoyed the story through and through and in my opinion it worked pretty effectively. I was going to try to pick out a favourite pilot, but I honestly think almost all of them had a solid, satisfying story despite the tragedy. … Almost all of them.
Kanji's probably felt the weakest one. Each character had a chapter or so to establish who they are and their story so far. For Kanji, it almost felt incredibly nonchalant? Despite being the third last battle, it didn't feel completely satisfying on how it ended his story. Sure, it might've been set up for Ushiro's battle (the question of "would you kill an ally to save 10 billion?" leading up to "would you destroy a world to save your own?" all very fun moral conflicts), but it almost felt like there was no build up or "resolution". He died shooting an ally which is such a rough thing to put a kid through, but at least the others had some sort of "conclusion" on their life stories. (Such as having the resolve to protect others or having the last chance to be with a parent that neglected them) I did like that tactical planning involved and it was an incredibly depressing read when they were at their wits end. Him dying on top of his mother's building was really touching in a way(??? idk how else to explain) but again it was disappointing that there was not much with him.
Chizu's story I'm incredibly annoyed with. I wish nothing but a thousand deaths for the teacher and those associated with him. I'm so… fucking pissed that he got away with it. Like how?? AND he still got hired WHILE he's STILL doing that?? AND Like there was nothing in the story that pointed towards any good reason to keep him alive (revenge is bad, he's a good guy in a way now, people change, etc.) like MAYBE if there was some sort of discussion on the justice system or how things like these are always going to continue to happen to other girls (like the new girl he started talking to). But it was so dog ass lame that I seriously just couldn't believe he went away with it. I was shocked when Kirie stabbed him, I thought he killed him and it was going to be about the cycle of revenge or it contributes to his apathy towards life itself. While I highly enjoyed Kirie's story, I honestly think he should've killed him lol. Also, it's so fucking annoying that there was a whole discussion about the moral conflicts of protecting those close to you even if it means killing a stranger and then… Chizu's family is so okay with what happened between her and her sister?? Like I guess they wanted to show how despite it all she still killed many in her quest of revenge but at the same time she's your family member that got pregnant and raped by a teacher how is that in any way a good message. Chizu's sister pissed me the fuck OFF. "Oh I don't talk to him anymore" HOW ABOUT YOU FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR SISTER…? PLUS, he was the major tip/ leak about the pilot's identities, if the government was so hellbent on making news outlets and tabloids keeping it a secret WHYYYY did they fucking release him??? I read someone's complaints about it on reddit and I completely agree w/ almost every point. Like idk about you but kids having innocent crushes on adults are completely normal, rapists and pedos are a terrifying reality that can happen to other people too. Doing nothing about said criminals either in a good or darker way? Absolutely unforgivable. Again, I would've been (to some extent) fine with it if there was SOME sort of discussion or critique about him getting away with it, but it's completely brushed off (worse that they tried to make Chizu JUST as bad as him).
And now with Machi… I'm incredibly conflicted on her story and twist. To be fair it was 3am and I was binge reading w/ a headache near the end so I probably missed a lot of details. But now that I'm awake and read some explanations about it I guess it works…? Again this is because I was completely confused during this time but now that I get it I think I have a new appreciation to the character. So at first it was gonna be rant but I concede since I'm actually just a dumbass lol.
Also I just want to say the art is seriously not as bad as people make it out to be lol. They make it sound like it's some amature work, but all of the characters have such a refreshing look to the style with their diversity of design. I mean it's not that extreme of a diversity but it's nice to see varied head and eye shapes in a manga since nowadays it's the same proportions.
EDIT: I forgot to say but idk how I felt about the kid's ages for the sake of the story. Like yeah it's children fighting a battle to determine which world gets to live and it's sad but at the same time it reads too mature for them? I suppose it's meant to be similar to a coming of age story and children being more philosophically open/ curious about life and death but lol. a fourth grader talking about the relationships and family blood in some mature way is kinda jarring
Overall, great story and great read. After clearing up my confusion I honestly think I might raise my score a little. 7.5/10 to maybe even an 8/10 (high maybe, i felt like it could've done a bit more but at the same time it was good enough?). Would highly recommend for those who like dark, depressing tales and a discussion on the importance of life and moral choices.
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admiringlove · 3 years
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hurtful things
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+synopsis: genshin boys and the hurtful things they said.
+genre: angst; headcanons.
+characters: kaeya; diluc; childe; zhongli.
+warnings: swearing; crying; implied panic attack.
+order: hey bubs! i saw you doing requests and i HAD to ask for genshin angst :) spare me some tears pls <//3 preferably w kaeya or diluc or childe :) [submitted by @crackheadsara​]
+author’s note: okay so i included zhongli bc he’s the love of my life, also i needed comfort from him after writing such hurtful things :D
+navigation: main menu, genshin menu.
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— KAEYA.
“i’m better off without you.”
you know from the way your door was knocked in the middle of the night on a weekday after months, that it’s kaeya. you rub your eyes sleepily, trudging towards the door as anger and doubt fuse into a nasty green in your mind. 
you unlock the door, pulling it open to see the man with the eyepatch tapping his foot on the deck of your home impatiently. he smirks when his eye lands on you, attempting to walk in but stopping himself when he realizes you're standing at the door, unmoving. 
"kaeya, it's three in the morning. and it's monday. i have to report to jean in three hours," you mumble tiredly as you look up at him. the lamp grass by your windowsill outside and the moonlit night accentuated his cerulean eyes and contrasting coffee-colored skin. he frowns, peering down at you as he asks, "may i come in?"
you shrug, opening the door wide as you let the man in. he places his sword on the table and proceeds to walk into the bedroom when you ask, "where have you been for the past two weeks?"
"work," his reply is the same. you let out a sigh in impatience as you retort, "that's the same excuse as always."
he was tired and wanted to sleep off the fatigue from his latest mission. but when he hears you say that, something in him snaps and he turns around, his jaw clenched and a fixed glare making you a little agitated. he raises an eyebrow as he says, "well, unlike you, i am an actual important member of the knights of favonius."
"kaeya, all i meant was that you're always gone. you never write a letter back even if i send you one, and you somehow manage to come back every single time, expecting that it doesn't hurt me. what am i supposed to do?" your voice is small as you look down, hair drooping towards the ground. you're not even yelling at him, you're just worried. he always leaves you alone(sometimes you tag along, but you couldn't tell why nowadays he'd leave you alone without some sort of warning).
"does it ever occur to you that you're just a hindrance?" he bites back, thinking that you're trying to put up a front. you flinch at his words, causing him to force a jeer before he starts again, "you always come along, so maybe i wanted to be away from you for a bit. that's why i leave without a warning so i don't have to tend to your yapping all day. because i'm better off without you."
you gasp as you look up to his figure, now retreating to your shared bedroom. you hear him fall onto the bed with a content sigh as you stand there, wiping at your tears incessantly as hiccups escape your lips. you bit your tongue to stop yourself from crying, pressing a hand on your mouth to muffle the sounds so you don't disturb kaeya. you get a quick peek in, eyes widening when you see him sound asleep and tucked in. 
so that's how it was, you think. 
the next morning, kaeya wakes up to a cold bed as his arm reaches out to an empty space. his eyes immediately pry open as he wakes up, to see that you weren't here. 
ah, he ponders to himself, you must've gone to tend to your duties. 
he stretches, letting out a yawn before walking out to the kitchen. he smiles when he sees a plate of food left for him on the countertop with a note from you. but somehow, something felt very wrong about this whole ordeal. this had happened before—he had come back from insanely long missions to you before, so what felt different?
and then it hits him. the things he said last night. he frantically looks around, his azure eyes completely drowned in horror as he notices small changes in your shared household. a few picture frames are missing on the living room walls, your keychain isn't on the bookshelf anymore, and worst of all, when he runs into the closet, half of your clothes are gone. 
did you really feel that bad about what he said?
in panic, he runs out and keeps going till he reaches the headquarters of the knights. he barges in this time, not returning the greetings of the guards upfront as he walks into jean's office. 
"where are they?" he pants, "i-i messed up, do you know where they are?"
jean's eyes widen as she says, "our associates were having a hard time handling with the fatui in liyue harbor so they volunteered to go there for sometime."
"how long has it been?"
"they left long ago, it's about to be around ten hours since," she says. kaeya's heart shatters as he hears those words. he hadn't expected you to outright leave like that, but if you had said the same things to him, he definitely would've stormed out. his voice cracks as he looks at the ground in shame, "h-how long until they'll be back?"
"i.. don't know."
he regrets everything he's said. he truly does because he doesn't even notice that tears are streaming down his cheeks until jean comes to his aid. he hates himself for all of it—he hates that he has to live in a home where traces of you are visible everywhere; worst of all, he hates how he knows he lost you for good. even if you come back, he knows you wouldn’t run and melt into his arms like you did before. you’re gone now, fading into the darkness and away from him. 
maybe it was for the best.
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— DILUC.
“you’re nothing but a burden.”
after taking on a few abyss mages and mitachurls, diluc lets a grunt out in pain before you see the slash on his right arm. you gasp, pulling him to the side of the lake as you pull out a bandage and cotton from your bag to clean his wounds. he's reluctant to it at first, but he sits there quietly and broods as you clean the blood with cotton and some type of healing ointment. 
you tie the bandage on his arm, a tiny bit of vermillion liquid seeping through the white cloth before sitting down next to him, finally catching a breath. sighing, you look up at him and say, "that was reckless."
"no, what you did was reckless. who told you to come along with me to dadaupa gorge? you knew what you were getting into when you came along, so don't put this on me," he grumbled, frowning as you look at him with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows. you are sort of hurt, but you know he's only saying this in faux indignation, so it's okay. you chuckle out, beginning, "diluc, i was-"
"i don't know why i even bother with you at this point," he exasperates, looking into the distance behind you. he curses slightly under his breath, his rouge eyes filled to the brim with anger as it finally overflows, "you're nothing but a burden."
your eyes suddenly flick to gape at him in disbelief. you stand up, your voice hitching in your throat as you ask, "diluc, you mean that?"
and it all simmers down into ashes when he mumbles "of course i do" under his breath. your vision is blurry as you walk away from the red-haired man, your body trembling as you almost give away that you're crying your eyes out. you walk back in the direction the two of you came from, leaving your broken heart in the hands of diluc, who sat by the lake not muttering a word after. 
he knows he's said things he doesn't mean; he does that all the time, but you probably knew that. he figures you're leaving to catch a breath of fresh air—to be away from the tension-filled environment for a bit, you had a habit of doing that at home. he sighs as he ponders over his words for a bit. he knew it was wrong to display such harshness to you, but you probably knew he didn't mean anything by it. he always bubbled over rash things when he was frustrated. 
the sun sets in front of him, painting hues of aubergine and peach as it flows down. he wonders where you are, getting up from his spot by the lake to venture towards the path you walked off. 
only when he can't find you, is when he thinks that you might've actually taken offense to his words. although he cares about you sincerely, he finishes his mission first, getting a lead on the abyss order—because protecting monstadt was his first priority. you lingered in his mind every second of every day till he finally got back home. and when he didn't find you there, he asks adelinde about it, who only shakes her head and tells him, "i'm sorry, master diluc, but i haven't seen them come back. i thought they were with you."
it all pieces together in his mind now, how a small gasp had escaped your lips when he had called you a burden. the way you nodded begrudgingly, getting up and walking away from his presence as your shoulders trembled. the way he could hear you choke back a sob, but still ignored it, thinking you had overreacted in the situation. 
he searches the whole city for you. he searches every nook and corner, and even walks into the headquarters of the knights of favonius(he ignores kaeya's teases instead of biting back this time). and when he finally sees you, he holds himself back. his hand is suspended awkwardly in the air as he reaches out for you, your back turned towards him. 
maybe this was better—maybe it was a good thing that you had walked away from him. this way, the abyss order won't be able to harm you. this way, he won't be able to harm you. this way, you'll be safe and sound, away from the storm known as diluc ragnvindr.
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— CHILDE.
“it’s not like you mean anything to me.”
it's not often you see childe. he's always in liyue, and you're here, stuck in monstadt or snezhnaya. it's cold today(as it always is) in snezhnaya, the snow covered almost everything outside as you looked out of your window, sipping on hot coffee as you sigh at the wilting roses on the sill. they'd wilted when you had gone to monstadt and you didn't have the heart to plant new ones.
just thinking about the blue-eyed childish man would make your heart bloom and cheeks flustered. you longed to spend more time with him, really. if only he wasn't affiliated with the fatui, he'd be able to spend more time with you. it had been months since you had seen him, and you longed to be in his arms once again, but who knows when that'll happen again? whenever he comes home, he chooses to spend a night with you and then head back. he'd laugh alongside you, tell you about his adventures, and give small reactions when you told him about yours. and the next morning, you'd wake up to an empty bed with a small note by the table, saying how he has to leave for work.  
a knock at your door snaps you out of your entranced state. as you open the lock and look out, you see childe, standing there with a tired grin and disheveled hair as he walks in without a word. he hands you a small paper bag, saying, "i brought you back something from liyue this time."
the same excuse, you think. it's always the same. he brings back small mementos and souvenirs as a pretense for staying, and by the time you think you can forgive him, he's gone. he plops down onto the sofa, stretching his arm out so you could join him. the thought of confronting him crosses your mind, but you shake it off—since he had only just gotten back. 
the night is the same as always. talking about each others' adventures, eating dinner by the fireplace, laughing alongside one another until you hit the bed. it's quiet now as you watch over his sleeping figure, his lapis-colored eyes now hidden. you sigh as you lay there for hours on end, twiddling with his brown hair as you wait for him to wake up(so this time you can actually say goodbye). 
when his eyes flutter open, he's a little taken aback when he looks over at you to see you wide awake. his brows furrow just a smidge as he says, "you're up."
"well, i wanted to say goodbye this time," you chuckle dryly, "you always leave without waking me up."
"i don't like the way you said that," he says, getting up from his position on the bed. you look away from him, your eyes displaying hurt as you murmur, "i don't like the way you leave."
"well, it's my job. it's not like i'm an adventurer like you, wasting my time around. i'm a harbinger and i have responsibilities," he says. his voice is neither too soft and nor too prickly, and you can tell that he's a little worked up by the way he lightly nips on the skin of his bottom lip as his gaze bores into you. 
"i didn't say you don't. all i said was that you could maybe sometimes stay for more than one night. it feels like you're using me, and when you're bored, you leave."
"oh?" he cocks an eyebrow as he stands up, "i'm using you, huh?"
you grimace at the tone of his voice, and when you look at him, you notice the sheer annoyance he puts up towards you. your voice is small when you ask him if he loves you—because you don't know anymore. seeing him once in a few months for the past few years has sure hurt you more than anything, and if you don't tell him now, then you might never get a chance. 
"what if i say i don't?" he smirks, walking up to you, "it's not like you mean anything to me. what if i agree that i am using you to make myself happy until i'm bored, so i can then throw you away?"
he doesn't like what he's saying either. his mind is screaming at him to stop, but he's worked up. he's irritated by the way you jabbed at him first thing in the morning, even though he knows you're right. his heart almost stops when he looks at the expression on your face after he says those words, and as he reaches out his hand for you, you turn away. 
your voice cracks, and he's sure his heart did as well when you mumble, "i-i'd like you to leave, please."
"wait, i didn't mean-"
"tartaglia," your eyes look into his, perhaps for the last time, as you give him a sad smile, "you don't have to come back to me anymore."
it hurts him as he leaves your home that morning. it hurts him when he comes back months later to see that your home is now empty. it hurts him because he tarnished the you that was once his. 
it hurts him, but he thinks it's for the best if you stay away from him if all he does is bring you pain.
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— ZHONGLI.
“i’d like you to leave me alone.”
zhongli was never one to pick fights. he was peaceful; his thoughts were positive(most of the time), and he almost always preferred to talk about his problem rather than fighting about it—he believes that fighting will only bring pain, so why not confide in one another about our problems instead?
he's quiet. he's not shy(it's quite the opposite, actually), but he's one to prefer to only talk when absolutely necessary. he's the type to listen rather than speak, saying something like, "we have two ears and one mouth. speak less than you listen."
he smiles when his mind goes back to the time when he said that to you while having a cup of tea together, and you'd replied, "my mother used to tell me that when i was a child."
because it's true; every child in liyue harbor has heard those words at least once in their lives. the quality of listening is appreciated more than the quality of speaking—and zhongli, for one, was a listener. 
you, on the other hand, were a speaker. you always woke him up every morning with a smile as bright and everlasting as the sun, babbling about breakfast and tea as he got up from the bed. you were the one that carried conversations on your shoulders on morning walks, you were the one that intertwined your fingers with his as the two of you walked amongst flowers, adoring them as you talked about the contrasting colors of silk flowers and glaze lilies. he loved you for that. he loved you because you were a speaker. he loved you because you were a perfect balance, the only one who could soften his hardened heart. the only one whom he'd chosen to wake up next to in the mornings, the only one whom he'd let ruffle his hair without asking(because he secretly liked it). 
so why had he reversed the roles tonight? why was he the one to bubble out his frustrations to you, speaking in a cold and stern manner instead of the loving tone that was only reserved for you? why was he the one to speak tonight, and why were you the one to listen?
it's not like he was actually frustrated—he was only thinking about something else as you asked him what he wanted for dinner. it surely wasn't your fault when he had poured over turbulent words to you. and he knows that the ones that hurt the most probably were, "i'd like you to leave me alone."
he looks up at the stars, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he walks back into his shared home with you. he looks around, and when there's no sign of you, he feels himself break apart even more. 
had you actually left? he wants to run to you and tell you he hadn't meant any of those words because he hadn't. he wants to touch you, to caress you, to please you, to make you smile—and he wants to admit he was wrong. he wants to make it right, but he doesn't know where you are. 
he walks into the empty bedroom, sitting on the cold mattress as his eyes sting. he doesn't understand what's happening, or why there are small drops of water falling from his eyes. he doesn't understand why everything feels heavy all of a sudden—his heart, his throat his lungs, everything. he doesn't understand why he feels like he's trapped in a box, and the water seems to be filling up more quickly than he'd prefer. he wants to reach for air, but he can't.
he couldn't breathe without you. 
he hears the door close and immediately gets up in haste to walk to the living room where he sees you take off your boots. you turn around to see him, his disheveled hair and frantic eyes finally calming as he walks over to you and engulfs you in a warm embrace. his throat cleared up, and so did his heart and lungs as he mumbles against your ear, "i'm so sorry."
you smile smally, looking up at him as you cup his cheeks and wipe a stray tear, and mutter, "it's okay, zhongli. stress gets to the best of us."
god, how he loves you. he places a small peck on the top of your forehead as he feels his lips turn upward at your touch and the scent of glaze lilies lingering over you tells him that you'd been to the flower garden. he sleeps with your fingers weaved with his that night and pulls you even closer if you untangle with him in sleep. 
he makes a promise to himself saying he'd never hurt you like that again, and he keeps it.
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hey! I only recently started reading acotar (i'm on the third book) and I love love love Lucien, and I'm super excited at the prospect of him and Elain... actually they are the main reason I'm reading at this point but all I've seen on twt is about the other ship for Elain 😔 Is there any hope for Elain x Lucien in the later books?? I'm asking bc I don't want to get major spoilers but also I'm tired of getting my heart broken by non endgame ships lol
Welcome to the Lucien and Elucien train!! We're very happy to have to you! 😊💕
I wouldn't worry about what people are saying on twitter. Just because one part of the fandom is more vocal doesn't mean their ship is more popular or that it has more chance of happening in canon. Right now neither ship is canon. But absolutely there is hope for Elucien!!
First Elucien are mates. Sarah loves mates/soulmates. We've seen that with Feysand and Nessian, and I don't know if you've read Throne of Glass but the main ship in that series are also mates and the main ship in Sarah's other series, Crescent City also show signs of being soulmates. Sarah loves writing about that deep soulmate type of love! They might have to overcome obstacles but ultimately they choose each other.
Also Sarah has talked about how in her early planning she briefly considered making Nesta and lucien mates but quickly realised they wouldn't work together/would tear each other apart. If Sarah really wanted to write about a rejected mating bond she could have left Nesta and Lucien mates and had them reject the bond. But she didn't because she loves soulmates.
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Sarah has also said this about Elucien "there was actually a great deal of tension, growth and healing to be found for both of them together" She's never said anything ever about the other ship as far as I know? Certainly nothing romantic.
There is so much potential for healing between Elain and Lucien. One of the things I love about Elucien is they have so much in common. They're both gentle souls. Some people might not realise that about Lucien, but he really is. Lucien is someone who is deeply traumatised from violence, you see it in the first book in the scene when the injured Faery is brought into the Spring Court manor and he's deeply distressed by it. It clearly triggers his ptsd from his own trauma, but it also shows us that Lucien is someone who can't stomach violence, at least not in the way some of the other characters do. And Elain, well at this stage, since we haven't really seen her development or gotten her pov yet, being a kind gentle heart is really her defining character trait. They're two characters who would cherish a peaceful life away from war and violence. Two characters with the potential to be so soft together, to provide each other with a safe space to be vulnerable, and show their weaknesses and talk about their trauma. And be comforted by the other and have the other understand. They have such complimentary personalities. Something the other ship doesn't have. Azriel is a torturer (I love Az btw so this isn't a critiscm just observations about his character) he is filled with a cold hard rage, something Elain hasn't seen from him/doesn't truely know about him. And currently he's most definitely not one to open up and share about his own trauma, which certaintly doesn't work for two characters making a healing journey together. Something Sarah, as shown above see's as important. Elain and Azriel are simply too different imo. And I know people can argue opposite's attract. But opposite's attract only applies to a certain point, with certain things. If two people are just fundementally different a relationship won't work between them long term.
Meanwhile Elain and Lucien have just enough differences that they're not too similar but have enough in common to mesh really well together.
And even their differences are complimentary. Lucien has a bit of bite and sass about him, and that's something I think Elain needs to help bring her out of her shell. Elain is someone who has been coddled and infantalised and sheltered, people don't challenge her or speak freely to her, they censor themselves around her. Very minor spoilers seeing as you're only up to the third book, but in the 5th book, Acosf there's a moment where Nesta snaps/swears at Elain, and Nesta immediately regrets it because you don't talk to sweet precious Elain like that. But Elain just laughs. Elain wants people to speak freely to her, to stop sheltering her and show her some sass and bite. And who's the perfect person to do that, our boy Lucien!! Again some minor spoilers but I love this comparison
Lucien in Acotar
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Elain in Acosf
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Look at this parallel between them *chefs kiss*
Like Sarah said these are two characters that will push growth in each other and challenge each other. In a way that Azriel and Elain don't. Azriel, and this is very apparent in Acosf, coddles Elain, he speaks for her, makes choices for her, wants to stops her from doing things, without ever thinking about or asking Elain what she wants. He does it to protect her but is disregarding her choice. Lucien on the other hand, and again some spoilers if you haven't reached the end of Acowar yet this is after the final battle
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He's clearly worried about her but he doesn't let HIS worry/fear get in the way of HER agency.
"And I heard you made the killing blow" He sounds almost proud of her, like he would encourage her despite his own worry, and wants to see her strong and flourish.
What I also love in this scene is that again it shows how their both gentle hearts. "Well I never want to fight in another battle as long as I live" Lucien will fight and do what he needs to (and so will Elain if she has to). But Lucien isn't a warrior he would much rather never have to see war or battle ever again.
And then we have multiple references to Elain needing sunlight, needing to get outside, needing light to thrive. Again minor spoilers but there is also a scene in Acosf where Elain is wearing black and it's mentioned how she looks plain, overwhelmed, subdued by the colour, like it doesn't suit her at all. There are a lot of subtle references suggesting Elain doesn't quite truely belong in the Night Court, that it's not where she can thrive. And who is associated with two courts, Spring and Day, where Elain could thrive? Who is associated with fire and warmth and light? Who is the heir of the day court? You got it our boy Lucien. Elain needs light and Lucien is light!! Literally the name Lucien means light! Coincidence? I think not.
Another similarity between them is Lucien is a diplomat, someone who uses words and charm and communication to keep the peace between courts. And Elain is said by Feyre to be be able to convince people to do anything, to charm them, to excel in social settings. And she was the one who kept the peace between her family, was the bridge between her father, Nesta and Feyre. And Imagine if in the future Lucien takes on a role in the day court or (and I'm sorry Helion) for whatever reason becomes the High Lord of Day Court, Elain could be an amazing Lady of Day, would flourish and charm at court balls or social occassions. Not to mention they both have great hair and are always put together/dressed immaculately. Like they would be A PAIR!
Then there's the gifts Lucien gives Elain (again minor spoilers for Acofas and Acosf) which are so thoughtful. In Acofas he gives her magical gardening gloves knowing gardening is something she loves and that she doesn't have any. And in Acosf he gives her pearl earrings, and pearls are somehing that are mentioned in relation to Elain a couple of other times. But it's like Lucien has noticed they're something she likes? These are just minor things but it's interesting that Sarah included them in her writing. It's almost as if she's subtly trying to hint that Lucien notices things about Elain, and see's her in a way that perhaps other's don't?
Also there's that Elain is very traditional and adheres to a quite a traditional type of femininity and Lucien is a complete and utter gentleman, who absolutely respects Elain and her needs. The potential for them to have an old fashioned courting romance asdgjkgfsa my heart the softness!! I also think they're going to end up being the epitome of your lover is your best friend.
And lastly, in Acosf there is a bonus chapter from Az's pov which ends with Azriel's focus on another character, and I would say personally that this chapter very clearly sinks that other ship.
Anyway in conclusion Elucien are going to be the most beautiful, softest, sweetest, supportive, with some sass as well, ship. So don't worry my friend. And even in the very small chance they don't become canon we can still enjoy all of these things about them in fanon. They will be canon though lol
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binunus · 3 years
Text
college bf!eunwoo
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a/n I LOVE HIM !! I WOULD LITERALLY RISK IT ALL FOR HIM !! also rip to the disappointing hookup experience I had that made an appearance in this headcanon...yes I’m still angry about it.
→ pairing: eunwoo x f!reader
→ genre: smut, fluff, fwb to lovers
→ tw: hookup culture, mentions of drinking and drug use, implied almost SA, this is a bit heavy compared to the other ones like please be a cautious a little when you’re reading this
→ word count: 5.6k
_______________________________
here we go ladies and gents
i had something completely different planned for this
and it was super angsty and dramatic
but i had a monumental experience last night so I’m changing this up
and okay okay
i usually try to write all my stuff gender neutral but bc of the idea I have for some of this plot, it’s gonna be a female reader
im sorry to all my male identifying loves :(
and back to our regularly scheduled program
cha motherfuckin eunwoo
lee fuckin dongmin
he doesn’t go by dongmin, he prefers to go by eunwoo, only his family calls him dongmin
as soon as he stepped foot into the university, everyone knew him
and I mean everyone
he’s so attractive
but don’t get it twisted, eunwoo’s the humblest, sweetest bean
he gets very embarrassed when people compliment him for his looks
applied for random roommates his first year and got paired up with swimmer!bin
he and bin become besties and end up rooming together their entire college career
major: music performance, specialty in piano
most people (besides those in the music department or astro) would have never thought eunwoo was a music major, especially since he was incredibly smart and athletic too???
usually gets mistaken for a STEM major
often helps the boys (especially rocky and sanha) with their studies
and oof when he tries out for–and makes it into–the basketball team
everyone ???? floored
eunwoo has game on the court...now with dating??? eh not so much
(at least not sober shh)
he’s tried dating before, at least in the first year or so
the basketball team kept trying to set him up with people
but it never got anywhere substantial and eunwoo always trusted astro to really give the vibe check and no one ever passed
and so he settled for hookup culture every now and then
his emotions are guarded :’(
yes he’s very easy to talk to and always so nice and well mannered
but he’s only himself with astro
now, where do you come into this???
you’re a cheerleader
you and eunwoo know each other by association
you cheer for his home games, you’ve been in a couple of classes together, you’ve seen each other at parties
but would you call yourselves friends?? not really
now you know it’s highly unlikely for you to have a lasting boyfriend in college, especially with your affiliation as a cheerleader, so you also opt for hookup culture
less messy feelings, less drama, less commitment, all that fun
so the first time your paths really intertwine with eunwoo is at a party
the basketball team won a big game and they were out celebrating yuh
and ofc since it’s his team, eunwoo popped out
he only really attends parties hosted by the basketball team bc he feels a bit obligated to go LOL but he always brings swimmer!bin for support 
and it’s chill bc bin is also an athlete–yes it’s exclusive like that
but this time, bin couldn’t go so it’s just eunwoo hanging with his team
and yes, you can guess it, you and him get partnered up to play beer pong together!
that’s so cliche omg
but ah ha you hear your opponent, one of eunwoo’s teammates say to one of your fellow cheerleaders: don’t worry baby, I’ll carry you through this game
and you cringed a little ugh men
eunwoo turns to you like: ah sorry if we lose, it’s all luck with me. The guys usually pick to play me bc I’ll probably lose. I’ll drink the cups for you though if you want me to.
you get a little fired up, like aw why do they pick on him that’s not fair
you: well I’m not horrible at pong, so let’s try to crush em
he played pretty well ok! you both got balls back twice in a row right in the beginning
your team was on a roll
you and eunwoo won three games back to back
you were feeling a bit bloated and hazy from the beer that you and him had to drink, but you were still pretty self aware
and you and eunwoo were just chilling after playing the games, you two were on a pretty good wavelength and you wanted to continue it after joking around in between plays
alright now obviously you don’t go into these parties just strictly looking for a hookup, you go to have fun and let loose
but if the person and situation arises??? you wouldn’t necessarily turn it down, especially if that person was cha eunwoo
and yeah, eunwoo was entertaining the idea too, it’s been a while since he vibed with someone like he has with you
basically by the end of the night, you brought him back to your place–you’d rather eat shit than hook up at the basketball house, it was messy and musty and just nope
your place was closer than his
and ~yuh~
it was pretty damn good
he didn’t stay the night, bc well this was a hookup, so after you both had your fill it was a casual alright see you around!
oh lord the fuss your cheerleading team gave you at the next practice asking how your hookup with eunwoo was
the news spread like wildfire
eunwoo didn’t hook up very often so every time he did, it was like breaking news
which is honestly a bit fucked up, but seriously this is how college is
alright so your sex drive skyrocketed after fucking eunwoo 
you hook up with another guy at one of the following parties
but it didn’t compare to eunwoo rip so you were pretty disappointed
and you were sorta wondering like hm? should you hit him up? but decided against it 
and then! you saw him at the gym working out with literally all of astro
bin probably forced the other 4 to come with him and eunwoo sksksksk
and you were like shit why does he look so good
not gonna lie, just in case he was looking over, you tried to make your ass and tits pop out a bit more, you know squats and shit
unfortunately, it caught the attention of other guys at the gym and not eunwoo grrr
and you were literally just planning to stop being a coward and go up and talk to him, but a guy blocked your path
and he was lowkey being very creepy and way too close for your liking
but you weren’t having it, hell no you ain’t a damsel in distress
being a cheerleader taught you how to defend yourself against predatory men
so you were basically telling him to fuck off and leave you alone, but he was being really damn persistent about it
and just as the guy was about to put a hand on you, eunwoo steps in and he’s like: dude, she’s clearly not interested, fuck off.
after a bit of a stare off, the guy leaves and wow you’re face to face with eunwoo again hehehe
his eyes switch from a glare to a soft worried look and he’s like, hey are you okay?
and you’re like a little giddy, maybe also a little bit turned on bc he’s still like fresh from a workout, his hair was brushed back revealing his forehead, his arm muscles were really defined right now, and just he’s so hot? 
but you smile nonchalantly, you genuinely could have just slapped the shit out of the guy or kicked him right in the baby factory, but eunwoo stepping in was also a pleasant surprise, you weren’t complaining
you: yeah. I could have handled it, but thanks for helping
and he just grins, your confidence?? attractive
the two of you just like look at each other for a couple seconds and you’re yelling at yourself in your head like don’t cop out this is what you were waiting for !!
you: so...you’re here with your friends?
eunwoo: yeah, me and my roommate forced them to come work out with us haha. did you come by yourself?
you: yeah, I usually work out with my teammates, but I decided to come alone today
eunwoo nods and you see him like look at your neck and you immediately get a bit shy bc you knew there was a hickey there from your last (very disappointing) hookup: you’ve been having fun recently?
your face flushes: the last one was embarrassing really, so honest to god no
eunwoo: why was it embarrassing? if...you don’t mind me asking
you immediately facepalm: no, yeah I don’t mind telling you...ugh, eunwoo I was literally catfished. this guy really talked mad game about his dick and then when I agreed to hook up, he asked me to suck him off and it literally only took him less than ten minutes. and after he came, he just pulled up his pants and said “damn you give really good head” like the fuck? he didn’t even offer to return the favor or anything, and when I asked him “wait, are we gonna fuck?” he just said “maybe next time.” maYbE neXt tiMe?? I was played so hard, you have no idea how pissed I was, eunwoo. and now I have to wait for his dumb fucking hickey to heal so that I can literally just repress that hookup even happened.
his jaw literally dropped: he didn’t give you anything?
you shook your head, you were getting pissed again 
eunwoo couldn’t believe his ears, he glances back at astro for a second and then he clears his throat: well...what are you doing after the gym?
you: nothing, just going home and taking a shower. My roommate’s not gonna be home tonight so I’m probably gonna wallow in my sorrows about that hookup again
he laughs: well sounds like you have a fun night planned, but if you want some company?? I’d be more than happy to come over and help you forget about the sad disrespect of that hookup.
who said eunwoo couldn’t flirt ???
and he was thinking about hitting you up again too before but he didn’t wanna seem like a fuckboy or anything
but seeing you defend yourself against the guy?? lowkey was a bit of turn on for him
obviously you agreed hello
eunwoo going up to astro: so uh...imma head out first...I’ll see you guys later. :)
sanha: hyung so scandalous *O*
you and eunwoo fuck again
and after this time, the two of you have a little bit of pillow talk
basically you tell him that fucking him ruined all other guys for you bc he was just that good
and eunwoo usually gets shy from compliments, but his ego with this one??? he felt a bit proud ohohoho
and he’s like: honestly, you’re the only person I’ve fucked in six months, but I gotta agree that our sexual chemistry is pretty good
so where do you two go from there?
friends with benefits baby, full on fuck buddies
you both talk and agree that you two weren’t looking for relationships at the moment, but the sex was good
i’m gonna get into specifics later, but for now a little more plot
obviously, you and eunwoo talk a lot more now that you two were basically fucking each other at least once a week
the guys notice that he’s so much more?? carefree?? less stressed out?? ever since you and him started your little agreement
and they’re already scheming by themselves, like eunwoo would not get into a situation like this unless he trusted you as a person
and at first it was really just, call each other over, have sex, stay for a little bit longer, then leave
neither of you ever stayed the night bc that’s just an unspoken rule
until there was this one party, a group of people were in one of the rooms at the basketball house and they told you to come join them and ~do drugs~
don’t dabble kids, I’m serious
and you were chilling with eunwoo and bin for a bit until they called you over and you were like: wanna try too?
eunwoo and bin didn’t do it obviously, but you were curious so you went and told them you would be back in a bit
eunwoo was worried about you, bin could see it from a mile away
he kept glancing back at the room and one by one people started to come out, but none of them were you
bin nudging eunwoo: go check up on her
eunwoo opens the door to see you being like pinned down on the bed and he turns livid
he pulls the guy off you and punches him right in the face like: what the fuck do you think you’re doing? what did you give her?
you’re noticeably out of it, sobriety? not there
the guy basically laced something in the drug he gave you, omg you were roofied??
bin comes in and he literally has to hold eunwoo back from beating the shit out of the other guy
the two take you back to their apartment and were making sure that you didn’t die or something shit
literally cannot believe the first time you slept over at eunwoo’s place was when you were drugged up
you wake up the next morning, nauseous, body weak, and confused
eunwoo also wakes up because of your movement: hey y/n, are you okay?
you: eunwoo...what...what happened last night??
he sits up and gives you a recount of the party and you just like hug your body tightly when he brings up the drugs and start crying
he’s a bit shocked when he sees your tears, but he just pulls you in for a hug to try and comfort you, obviously that must have been a bit traumatic
eunwoo: hey...it’s okay...I’m just glad I checked up on you before something worse happened
you: I’m such a fucking idiot...I can’t believe I let myself get put in that situation again...no wonder people think I’m a just a dumb whore.
~trauma~
you and him spill your deepest darkest most traumatizing secrets that morning and you just feel more connected to him
you: I honestly never really told anyone...thanks eunwoo, you’re a good friend.
he feels more protective of you after that??
you start hanging around with him and astro more
and the guys really like having you around !!
you’re very easy to get along with, you also joke and tease eunwoo with them, they love you !
you even become really friendly with the other guys’ partners
about half a year into your fuck buddy relationship with eunwoo
everyone: why aren’t you dating y/n yet?
eunwoo: what do you mean?? we’re just friends...with benefits??
before you even know it, you’re spending literally all your time (when you’re not training or practicing or at class) with eunwoo and his friends
you sleep more at eunwoo’s than you do at your own apartment
honestly you two are already acting like a couple
except for the fact that you only kiss each other when you’re fucking, or you don’t hold hands in public, or you don’t say the L word to each other obviously
but the cuddles? the jokes? the hanging out? if you two are seen together there’s still a little form of physical touch––like a hand on the waist, or resting his elbow on your shoulder––something that tells other people that you two are a bit exclusive to each other
and maybe it’s because both of your emotional capacities when it comes to relationships are akin to a pubescent thirteen year old, but you and eunwoo?? don’t really realize that you’re both basically in love with each other
and it’s also the fact that catching feelings in a friends with benefits?? forbidden
but what if both people catch feelings?
you don’t realize you like eunwoo until a year of fucking each other
damn a year?? y’all really suppressed those romantic feelings hard
you and him were hanging out, per usual, but in the piano rooms of the music building
eunwoo had to practice his repertoire for an upcoming performance and you were free so you decided to come along and keep him company
you knew he was a music major and that he played piano, but you never actually heard him play
you were just chilling by the window, scrolling through your phone, and then he just starts playing and your jaw?? literally dropped
it was so intricate and fluid and elegant, you looked over to the keys and his hands just moved so expertly over them
you were put in a trance, it was so beautiful??
and then you look up and his concentration? seriousness? he has honestly never looked more attractive to you than in that moment
and then eunwoo meets your eyes and he smiles a little: is it bad?
you: no, you’re amazing actually...
and your stomach does a triple somersault and your cheeks start heating up, like why is your heart going haywire???
you start spacing out and obviously he notices
eunwoo calls your name and pats the space next to him on the piano bench
eunwoo: what are you thinking of, hm?
you: n-nothing. keep playing, I wanna hear more
and so he does and your heart just won’t chill out, especially now that you’re literally sitting mere centimeters apart from him
he’s still playing and you just can’t stop thinking about how much you want to kiss him–and not in a sexual way
and that honestly scared you, so you panicked and put your hand near his crotch
eunwoo jolts in surprise, but he doesn’t say anything, he just chuckles and continues playing
do you have sex in the piano room to try and distract yourself from whatever you were feeling? yeah
you hide your feelings for a little bit, but the more time you spent with him, the stronger they got, and you honestly didn’t know what to do
so you tried distancing yourself, you gave eunwoo the excuse that cheerleading competitions were coming up–which they were, so it wasn’t a complete lie–and you needed to focus and have time to yourself
it was so weird for you not seeing him and astro all the time, you barely responded to his text messages or calls, and when you saw him around campus, you would immediately try to avoid him, and it hurt but you were ~scared~
eunwoo’s a smart boy, he knew something was off with you
but after a week of trying to contact you, he didn’t wanna seem annoying or a bother, so he tried not to
even though all he wanted was to see you or talk to you, like it was beyond sex at this point
he missed you, he thought he was going to go insane
he didn’t realize his feelings for you until he saw you talking to a guy in the athletic building
he had basketball practice, and you just finished your cheerleading practice
you were talking to this one guy from your philosophy class, basically joking around and talking shit about your professor
and eunwoo saw you smile at something the guy said and he just felt jealous
his fists clenched, he hated seeing you smile and laugh with the guy like how you used to do with him
and it also didn’t help that you and him haven’t really talked in two or three weeks and he just missed you so much :(
he tried not to think about it during his practice, but it didn’t work, he was off his game for this one, even his teammates and coach noticed it
he went back to his place after practice and called over the boys and basically vented his frustrations
jin: eunwoo. you like y/n
eunwoo: I know...fuck what do I do
bin: tell her, obviously
eunwoo: and risk our?? friendship??
myungjun: you’re a fucking idiot if you don’t see that she likes you back
rocky: yeah...I mean why else do you think noona started distancing herself from you?
eunwoo: maybe I’m just feeling like this because we haven’t met up in a while and I saw her talking to that guy and I don’t know? I’m horny?
sanha: hyung...you sound indenial and jealous.
bin: you like her. we’re surprised you didn’t realize this earlier.
anyway, the day of the competition comes, and the guys and their partners decide to pop out and support you
and seeing them actually made you feel so warm, you wave at them brightly and you meet eyes with eunwoo and you smile at him even though the butterflies are back and at full force
the group is so proud watching you and your team compete, their cheers are debatably the loudest and you literally have to stop yourself from laughing in the middle of your routine
your school places first yuh
and after talking with your team and discussing celebration plans, you go to the group
you were having such an adrenaline rush, you immediately run up to eunwoo in a crushing hug and you kiss him
eunwoo doesn’t even hesitate to kiss you back
astro and them: ohohoho hey
you: I’m so happy you all came! I can’t believe we actually won!
you were going to celebrate with your team bc you knew they were throwing a party, but celebrating with eunwoo and astro/their partners seemed way more appealing to you
you all go out to dinner and drink a little bit casually and it’s all such good vibes
you missed hanging around with them all and it just felt so right
eunwoo rested his hand on your thigh the whole time throughout dinner, he missed you alright, and just seeing you so happy with all his friends? he was hooked
when the group parts ways, it’s just you and eunwoo heading back to his place bc bin is spending the night at his partner’s apartment
and honestly the tension is so thick between you two
you barely make it past the door before you’re both latched onto each other, making out and all that steamy stuff
after you have sex, the two of you are having that post-sex cuddle in his bed and your heart is pounding so loud
you: hey...I’m sorry if it was weird that I kissed you earlier at the venue, I don’t really know what came over me, I was just so glad to see you guys
eunwoo: you don’t have to apologize for that y/n...I missed you
you roll around so that your back is to him bc you do not have the strength to look at him in the eyes right now
eunwoo hugs your waist and pulls you in his chest, he’s spooning you and he has no plans on letting you go any time soon
you: uh...eunwoo, I-we-uh maybe we should stop this...thing from going any further
he literally freezes: ...did I do something wrong?
you: no! it’s...I...fuck I don’t know how to say this...I know we’ve been hooking up for a year but just recently I...think I have feelings for you...and it’s not fair for either of us to continue this if we’re not on the same page.
eunwoo: y/n, I–
you’re rambling now, you’re scared of what he has to say: and honestly you’ve become someone I really don’t wanna lose in my life. You’re an amazing person and friend, and I don’t wanna fuck that up by having feelings for you, especially since you probably don’t feel the same. I just...can’t have casual sex with you anymore...I’m sorry, it would break me.
you’re like trying to get up and you tell him that you’re going to go to the party your team’s hosting but he just tightens his grip
eunwoo: don’t go...please
you: eunwoo, I can’t stay here–
eunwoo: you don’t even know what I feel, y/n...why are you so sure that I don’t feel the same way as you?? because I do...honest to god, y/n, I like you so fucking much. the month that you didn’t talk to me was like hell and I don’t ever wanna experience that again. I missed you so much I thought I was going crazy...please don’t go.
you roll around and face him again
you: y-you like me? you’re not just saying that because you want to keep having sex?
eunwoo: I’m not just saying that because of the sex...I promise
you: so...what does that make us now?
eunwoo: well would you do me the honors and be my girlfriend?
god finally you two are dating
you realize that not much really changes after the two of you make it official
the pda does increase though, you actually hold hands and kiss each other in public now
and you two are more cutesy with each other
yes astro pretends to gag whenever they see you act all coupley
petnames!! you call each other baby, sometimes you call him minnie!! as in dongminnie !! im screaming!!
a poster couple, the basketball player and the cheerleader
literally when you’re both wearing your uniforms and you kiss each other, it’s like one of those teen movies
lots of forehead kisses especially right before bed
eunwoo’s a clingy cuddly boy, especially now that you two are together
lots of study dates?? he is a scholar after all
you’re each other’s biggest supporters !! you always go to all of his recitals and basketball games, he always goes to your competitions
he’s very soft okay, will never stop showing you off or telling you how much you mean to him and how much he loves you
the first I love you came shortly in the relationship, and that’s because you’ve known each other a year prior and the feelings were really just building up since then
you were in the piano room again and he was just playing for fun, but you always loved hearing him ~tickle those ivories~
he was playing a song and singing along and you swear you had heart eyes for him, his voice was so soft and gentle and just wow
you’re sitting next to him and you just hug his waist while he’s playing
eunwoo’s smiling so wide and then he’s singing to you 
he doesn’t even get to finish the song, because you’re grabbing his face and kissing him 
he’s laughing in between kisses and you can’t help but laugh with him
grrr he’s so cute!
and then you two are just looking at each other
eunwoo: hm? 
you: I love you, minnie
he doesn’t miss a beat: I love you too, y/n
you and him have a lot of deep talks together, especially right before bed
it’s the time when he can just let out all the frustrations of the day and just be with you
he actually holds a lot of pressure and worries, but knowing that you’re by his side, comforts him a lot
the two of you have so many pictures together it’s so cute
eunwoo’s a bit possessive alright, not in the toxic way, but will he tighten his grip on your waist if a guy seems to be getting a little too friendly with you? yeah
not gonna lie, you get possessive too, it’s hard especially if your boyfriend is cha eunwoo, he’s the fucking perfect package god dammit
you both tell each other that you don’t have to worry about other people bc y’all are just both so whipped for each other
but it’s still cute when either of you are jealous
he’s actually pretty into couple items, but it has to be like minimalistic-style
like matching plain color hoodies or matching pajama sets
will not wear a “he’s mine, she’s mine” shirt or something
but it’s okay bc neither would you sksksk
will he wink at you if he makes a three pointer during his game? yeah.
literally loves when you wear his clothes or fuck, his jersey?? a turn on
and here we go !! I’ve been talking about sex so much but let’s get into it !!
in the beginning, like before you two started dating, when it was just your fuck buddy friendship, it was sexy
and not saying that it’s not sexy now that you two were in a relationship, but before it was just lust
eunwoo’s a freak alright, you can’t convince me otherwise
he’s a little kinky
definitely into food play, you two use whipped cream during foreplay a little too much...
100% into anal
you know how much he loves ass, has a very nice ass himself
and we already been knew, but yes he’s an ass guy
s p a n k i n g
eunwoo seeing you in your cheerleading skirt? immediate turn on
will literally fuck you while you’re wearing your skirt...just your skirt.
alright alright, you have a hand kink...was it awoken by watching eunwoo play piano all the time? yes
does eunwoo use that to his advantage? yes
the amount of times he’s fingered you??? vaginal and anal??? lord have mercy
very much into overstimulation, will keep fingering you until you squirt
and yes im bringing back my the choking kink
literally if his hands make any contact with your neck area, even when he’s just kissing, you will drench
but ugh you and eunwoo making out and you know how he like cups the back of the neck?? i know y’all have seen it from the true beauty kiss scenes, and then it gets heated and his grip just moves to the front and squeezes and when your mouth opens in a gasp, he shoves his tongue down your throat
that’s so sexy
do you like choking on his cock? probably more than you should
does he make you deep throat until tears are literally streaming down your face? most definitely
he loves marking you?? it’s just a tell tale way to show everyone you’re his
he’s a bit feisty...will he manhandle you during sex?? yeah
eunwoo is a dom. I am 100% convinced that he is a dom, you won’t be domming him honey
daddy and babygirl kink...I said it...
okay he’s a bit of an exhibitionist...would probably be down to have sex anywhere as long as you don’t get caught
piano room sex? locker room sex? library sex? movie theater sex? restaurant bathroom sex? yes you’ve done it all
will he finger you while you guys are having a movie night with the guys? yeah
eunwoo’s a tease, he’s a little shit, will tease you until you’re literally in tears begging for him to just do something
favorite position is doggy, it’s the view of the ass for him
although you two both do like experimenting different positions, especially if it has to do with “training your flexibility”
will pull your hair while he’s fucking you from behind, and will plug your asshole with his thumb–don’t knock it until you try it...it’s...a pretty good feeling
sometimes wakes you up by eating you out
very much a giver ugh king
the type to grip your thighs tighter when you try to push him away from overstimulation just to force another orgasm out of you
believe it or not, he’s a gasper/grunter/groaner
nothing is hotter than hearing eunwoo groan right when he’s about to cum oooof grrrr bark bark
okay but soft gentle sex with eunwoo is so passionate
all you feel is the love and sincerity, especially when he’s just looking in your eyes
the love making happens a lot more obviously when you start dating
he’s just so in love with you alright
gives the best and sweetest after care ugh
cleans you up, gives you massages especially if it was a rough session, cuddles you, draws you a bath, brings you water, everything
always makes sure to tell you he loves you after sex
i would risk it all for eunwoo like please ruin my life
anyway
ugh I just wanna put the idea of protective eunwoo during a party in your head
his hand is always on you. waist, thigh, shoulder, anywhere casually
you don’t fight?? but you do argue
arguing is healthy, and you both would rather let it out and bicker with each other in the moment than let it bottle in and build up into something worse
but when you do have a disagreement, no matter how big or small, you two always make sure to never go to bed angry with each other
communication is very important for the both of you
you’re his better half :’) all the things eunwoo struggles with, you help him with it and vice versa
he figured out you were the one for him during one of your deep late night pillow talks
he was worried about what he’d do in the future after graduating, like he was genuinely having a crisis about it
but you just talked so calmly to him: baby, no matter where you end up after graduation or what you end up doing, you’re going to be fine. You’re such a hard worker and I know that you’ll succeed...no matter what, I’ll be here for you minnie. I believe in you, you’re future is going to be great.
and he just kisses you so sweetly: will you be in my future, baby?
you’re smiling and you just giggle at him: if you want me to be...I’d love to be a part of it.
ugh y’all are so whipped for each other !!
astro always teasing you two, even when you’re all older
you and eunwoo are equally ticklish so basically y’all are fucked when they wanna mess with you
both of your families love you and him instantly
they push marriage immediately after you both graduate college
even astro’s like: we know you two are probably gonna tie the knot first...when’s the wedding?
not gonna lie, you and eunwoo probably get married probably 2-3 years after college, pretty young age
sidenote: eunwoo 100% cries at your wedding, especially when he sees you walking down the isle in your dress
and he has huge baby fever so you bet y’all had kids fairly young too
the best dad !! ugh he loves kids !! ugh so domestic
im just gonna say, y’all have beautiful children
trusts bin and jinjin to babysit your kids the most...he’s scared of the rest of the boys watching over his children
anyway eunwoo literally deserves the world and I just?? love him so much?? happy ending yay hehe
_________________________________________
2-21-21
840 notes · View notes
harrywritingsbyme · 3 years
Text
Just The Way You Are
Based Off Of This Ask
And This One
A/N: Anon…tysm for helping me out of my brain fart and suggesting/requesting this concept. I may or may not have cried (more like bawled) while writing this one. I love it sm and I feel like it’s perfect bc it’s so  relatable for so many, so I hope you like it bby🥺!! and I just realized that this is my last full post of 2020 which is absolutely insane…enjoy🙃
What you saw in the mirror was always a struggle for you. You were heavy in the chest, your hips were wide, you had chub in places where you didn’t want chub, and you had an endless supply of thighs. For the longest time you’d been in the never ending battle with your weight and with your figure. For years, you struggled to lose weight and slim down, trying your hardest to fit into the mold and standard of beauty that was placed before you. You tried so many of the fad diets you’d found on the internet and countless workout routines that were supposedly going to give you that instant gratification and the appearance you were chasing after.
 But at the end of it all, you got nothing. In fact, you came out with less than what you came in with. The only thing that came out of those efforts was even more disappointment in yourself. And the disappointment and dissatisfaction that came from those efforts was just a portion of the mountain of disdain and sadness that was already growing inside of you towards yourself. There were so many times where you just wanted to give up on it all. You felt like you’d never be seen as beautiful by yourself or by anyone else. You felt like there was absolutely no hope and that you weren’t going to be able to be loved by anyone because of your outward appearance. You felt stuck. 
And you felt stuck for a while. You went back and forth between fighting to get out of this state and just letting it be that way for who knows how long. You went on and on in this cycle until you became tired of being that way. It became exhausting. You’d reached your lowest point, you were drained. You realized that you couldn’t stay like this forever, nor were you going to allow yourself to stay like this anymore. So you pulled yourself up and you came up with a way to get yourself up. Even though it probably wasn’t the best mindset to have, you came to the resolve that if you couldn’t change it and if you weren’t going to be accepted and loved by anyone on the basis of your looks, you might as well accept and love yourself the way you were. And believe it or not, that pessimistic yet strangely optimistic mindset actually got you to a much better place. Sure you still had your insecurities about the way you looked and sure your heart sunk a little bit when you looked in the mirror, but you were feeling better than before and that’s all you cared about. You weren’t completely over the hill in regards to the negative feelings towards yourself but you definitely made progress and that’s all that mattered to you. You were finally feeling better. 
And you only got better. After making it to the point of feeling a bit better about yourself, you met Harry. He managed to shower you with all the love and affection you never thought you’d ever receive from someone. Even though you were strong in your convictions when it came to finding any type of approval in a man, you couldn’t resist Harry. He was an absolute dream. Along with loving you and your body, he was everything you could’ve wanted in a partner. There was no other way to describe it, he was just amazing and you didn’t want to let him go, nor were you planning to. You didn’t even entertain the thought. You held onto him and you enjoyed the pure bliss that came from being together. The both of you were completely head over heels for each other. And as you and Harry’s relationship grew, you blossomed. You became confident in yourself and you were able to stop putting yourself down. You’d reached the better place you were desperately searching for all this time. You were happy. This time, it wasn’t a facade that you were putting up to disguise your true and beyond negative feelings. You were truly happy. 
But with all good things of course, they either come to an end or come at a price. And being with Harry came at a price. You and Harry tried your best to keep your relationship away from the prying eyes that were constantly surrounding him. But you could only do but so much with that. It wasn’t that long before everyone found out who you were and made things a bit harder for you. After a little over nine months into your relationship with Harry, you began noticing an all around influx in your social media’s along with the press in general. Your picture was everywhere and there were so many people who were taking and interest in you and talking about you. You knew it came with the territory of dating someone who had an enormous amount of fame the way Harry did, but it was still very foreign and it was something that you weren’t prepared for. There were so many comments that made you happy and feel better about the situation. They were so happy to see you dating Harry, especially since you were very different from the women he’s dated and has been associated with in the past. Seeing those things always melted your heart and made you feel so good inside. 
But for some reason, the bad always crept in and overshadowed the good that was being brought your way. Along with an influx in positives, there was an influx in the negatives with the main target being your appearance. You tried to block it out and not focus on the negative, but those feelings that Harry was able to break through in the beginning came creeping back. Harry tried to console you in any way possible given the fact that you had talked to him a little bit about your past struggles. He took the time to remind you that you were desirable and that you were beautiful and that he loved you. Now while you were still down about what was being said about you, Harry’s words definitely provided comfort to you and made the situation tolerable. They didn’t miraculously change your thinking on the matter, but Harry’s words were able to stop you from going into the dark place you were in before which was what you needed at the time. Since everything was coming down onto you all at once, that was exactly what you needed. And eventually, with Harry’s help, you were able to make it through that incredibly intense time. 
Not too long after the news broke about your relationship, you and Harry celebrated your one year anniversary together, the both of you were beyond ecstatic about the milestone and your lives together going forward. The both of you were so happy to be together and so happy to have made it through the hell that was the past three months following the revealing of guys’ relationship. As you two continued on together, the negativity still came your way though. You tried your best to block it all out and keep moving forward to the best of your abilities but you weren’t able to let it all roll off you back. Some of it stayed with you, prompting you to just spring into action. Because you had so many people talking about you and your appearance, picking you apart at every turn, you were became determined to make them shut up. And the only way you knew how to do that was by going to work out with Harry. You figured that if you were able to do what he was doing, you’d be able to transform and as a result get them all to shut up and leave you alone. 
So you gave Harry the lame excuse of wanting to accomplish the health goal you had set for yourself which marked the beginning of your anxiety and stress filled workout journey. Harry bought right into that positive notion too, completely ready and willing to help you accomplish your goal and completely oblivious to your true motives towards wanting to start working out with him. From that point on, the two of you got up early at the same time five days a week to work out. It was incredibly hard for you to do but you were beyond motivated to shut everyone up and go back to having that peace you once had within yourself. 
You just wanted it all to stop. 
Now while you were extremely determined to workout, Harry began noticing some things that prompted red flags to go up in his head. The main and number one thing that got his attention was your excessiveness in regards to working out. After helping you get accustomed to working out the way he did and on the schedule he did it, you ran with it and never stopped. You began working out all the time, making your schedule seven days a week and sometimes twice a day. You were pushing yourself so hard and he was worried about you. He knew that you struggled with your confidence and body image so he didn’t want to discourage you. But he didn’t want you to hurt yourself either, nor did he want you to feel like you had to work out and change yourself for him or anyone for that matter. He knew that something had to be done and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. 
He decided to step in and do it all this morning. Normally it’d be an off day but since you were on seven days a week, you were getting up early to head downstairs to the gym. As you were moving to sit up, Harry tightened his grip around you, keeping your body down on the bed and against him. 
“Harry, you have to let me go.” You whisper back to him, trying to wiggle your way out of his grip. 
“No I don’t, you deserve a rest day anyways.” He mumbles back to you through a yawn, beginning to fully wake up as well. 
“I need to do this babe, I don’t be long.” You try and reason with him, still trying to release his grip from around you. 
“Okay fine, but can we please talk before you go down?” He bargains, even though he had no intention of letting you go down there. 
“Sure.” You agree, stopping your attempts to free yourself from his grip.
“Thanks baby.” He hums before unwrapping his arm from around you and sitting up in the bed to almost hover over your body. “So what’s going on?” He asks calmly yet  bluntly. 
“What do you mean?” You reply back to him with a puzzled look spread across your face to match your response. 
“You’ve been working out so much recently and it’s becoming a bit concerning sweets. I want you to reach your goal, I really do! I just want you to be healthy about it.” He softly points out to you, bringing his hand down to your cheek. 
“I’m fine Harry. I really want to reach this goal so I’m doing everything I possibly can.” You attempt to justify your actions over the past weeks, trying to steady your breathing a bit as well as you adjust to the touchy subject at hand. 
“Well I understand that and I’m so proud of you for going at this with that determination, I really am. It’s just that I don’t want you to be doing this because of all the things going around online.” He explains, his voice filled with  worry and concern. “I know it’s hard, but if you’re doing this, you should be doing this for you baby. That’s it.” He adds. 
When he says this, your heart sinks. You weren’t doing this for you. And you didn’t want him to find out your actual reasons for working out seven days a week and practically killing yourself because if he did, which he ultimately was, it was going to crush him. And the last thing you wanted was for him to worry about you. You could see all the worry and concern painted all over his face and you hated it. You hated it so much that you began to cry, not being able to hold back the tears that were already bubbling up in your eyes. 
“Oh my-baby please talk to me!” He begs, wiping the tears that were falling from your eyes. 
“It’s just so hard Harry. I’ve never had this many people coming at me about the way I looked. The only people I had to worry about before with this were myself and anyone I came in contact with. But now it’s everyone and it’s too much. I just want them all to shut up and leave me alone.” You rush out through your tears, completely breaking down below him. 
“I’m so sorry baby.”
“The only reason why I’m working out so much and trying so hard to get through it all is because I love you so so much. I can’t go back to that dark place anymore, I just wanna stay out here in the light and happiness with you. It’s just so hard when you have so many people coming at you all at once and it makes you want to just give in so that you can have peace.” You sob. When Harry hears this, his heart breaks into a million pieces. He was assuming full responsibility for this. He felt like if it wasn’t for him entering your life, you wouldn’t be completely broken before him right now.
“I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this baby. It’s all my fault and I feel horrible for even putting you in this position.” Harry sighs, feeling tears beginning to form in his eyes as well. 
“But it’s not-“ 
“It is my fault.” He quickly interjects. “You’re going through this torture because of me and I’m so so sorry. I love you so much baby and I wish that I could just end all of this for you.” He whimpers, feeling the hot tears streaming down his face. 
“I love you too Harry. And it’s not your fault.” You reiterate, making it clear that you didn’t blame him for any of this. 
“I just need you to remember that I love you so much. I love all of you so much.” He says firmly to you, locking his eyes with yours to really reach you. He couldn’t stress how beautiful you were in his eyes enough. You were absolutely amazing to him and he just wanted to touch and admire you all the time if he could. He wanted to constantly shower you with all the love and affection you deserved. He wanted the girl he loved to know that she was absolutely stunning and that he couldn’t get enough of her. He needed you to know that. It was so important to him that you know how beautiful you were.
And he planned on making sure you knew just how beautiful you were. He quickly wipes his face before pulling your legs apart and moving in between them.
“Harry what are you doing?” You ask at his sudden movements. 
“Shh, just let me love on you baby.” He coos down to you before bringing his lips to yours. The kiss is soft but filled with passion. You could feel it radiating off of Harry and down onto you. As he continues to kiss your lips, you feel his hands glide down your body, tugging up at hem of the shirt you slept in. Keeping his lips on yours, he pulls it up your body detaching his mouth when he pulls the shirt off of your body, leaving you in just your panties below him. “You are so beautiful.” He admires, taking in your pretty much naked body. Everywhere he looked he found something that he loved. There was no part of you that he hated. In fact, anything you hated, he loved.
Without wasting anymore time, Harry jumps right into his praising session so to speak. He starts at your lips, leaving you one final kiss before leaving a trail of kisses down the lower portion of your face and neck, going all the way down and stopping at your chest. He brings his hands up to your ample breasts and he cups both of them in his hands. He then lifts his head up a bit to lock eyes with you.
“I love these so much. They’re so pretty and they fit perfectly in my hands.” He whispers, bringing his mouth to one of your breasts and capturing one of your nipples in his mouth. He then begins to suck on you, using his hands to squeeze wherever he couldn’t have his mouth. As he did this, your eyes fluttered shut and your mouth hung open, allowing little moans to escape as you enjoyed the physical and emotional pleasure you were receiving from Harry. Even though it was just the beginning, you knew what he was doing because he’d done it many times before. And every time he did it, you had the same reaction. You were in a completely blissful state and you felt loved every single time. Those feelings were only intensified since you and Harry talked and you really expressed what you were going through. And now that you let all of that out, you felt lighter and you were so ready to feel good again. Harry then removes his mouth from your breast and latches onto the other, doing the exact same thing as before. Squeezing your flesh and rolling your nipple between his fingers as he sucked on the other. He continues on like this a little longer before moving down your body.
“I love this tummy of yours.” He hums delightedly, leaving kisses all over the area, making sure to leave kisses along your sides as well, nipping at your chub every once in a while too. “Can’t wait to put out baby in here.” Harry hums, enjoying the idea of having a baby with you. 
“Oh my goodness Harry!” You chuckle through your labored breaths. 
“You’d look so pretty, maybe even prettier than you already are if that’s even possible.” He praises, smoothing his hand across your empty stomach. Harry then moves on to the next part of your body. 
“I love these hips.” He groans biting into and kissing the flesh of your hips. “Love grabbin’ them when I fuck you. So good.” He sighs, thinking back on the times he’s pushed into you. He then moves even lower. He begins to leave kisses along the side bands of your panties, bringing his mouth closer and closer to where your need was mounting. But instead of going there, he keeps going down and stops at your thighs. 
“I don’t know if I told you this, but I’m in love with your thighs. Like they’re absolutely delicious and amazing.” He rambles up to your before biting into one of them, squeezing the other as he did this. Harry loved how fleshy your thighs were. He couldn’t get enough of how they quaked and jiggled when he fucked into you. They were so soft and plushy, how could Harry possibly resist them?! Once he’s done loving on your thighs, Harry lifts himself up so that he’s kneeling between your legs before quickly pulling you onto your side to give your ass a couple swats, causing you to yelp out to him from how it stung. “I didn’t forget about your ass either baby, I love pulling it apart and having my face buried in it.” He says before pushing you back into your original position below him. 
“And now to the last stop.” He announces, hooking his fingers into the waistband of your panties before tugging them down, lifting your legs up to fully pull them off. He tosses them to the side and spreads your legs for him, revealing your soft and puffy center. “I love your pussy. It’s magical if m’being completely honest. It’s all puffy and  warm and sticky. It’s just the best. Feels amazing around my cock and it tastes amazing on my tongue.” He heavily praises before going in. He could see that you were already dripping so he knew that it wouldn’t take long at all to make you let go in his mouth.
With his mouth on you, Harry licks a wide stripe up your folds, pushing his tongue into you. When he does this, your hands go straight to his hair and your thighs begin to close a little around his head, prompting Harry to moan a little and rut his now hard cock against the bed. Even though this was all about you, Harry couldn’t stop himself from getting hard. In fact, he got hard because it was about you. Anything you did had the power to turn him on. He was constantly getting hard because of you. In fact, as he licked into you, Harry was rutting his hips down into the bed to relieve some of the pressure in his cock. All Harry wanted was to be wrapped up in you all the time. Just like now, Harry was eating you like his life depended on it as your thighs were wrapped around his head. While you were in heaven, Harry was in heaven as well. As he continued on, your were absolutely losing it too. His mouth felt absolutely amazing on you. You were already buzzing from the way he practically worshiped your body so now that he was full on eating you, you were incredibly close to letting go. 
“Feels so good!” You moan out to him, feeling a warmth spreading throughout your body. “Think m’gonna cum.” You pant, tightening your grip on him. To push you right over the edge, Harry moves his tongue up from your entrance and just sucks on your buzzing clit. This does the trick perfectly. As you let go, Harry could feel himself getting closer to his own release so he continues to push himself back and forth against the bed. 
Once you’re all done and your body goes limp, Harry leaves a kiss to your clit along with a kiss to each of your thighs, both of your hips, your stomach, and both of your breasts before stopping at your face.
“I love you.” You hum lazily, still recovering from your release. 
“I love you too baby.” Harry hums with a little chuckle, enjoying how tired out you are. “I love you just the way you are. I know it’s hard for you and I’m incredibly sorry for that. But we’ll get through it, right lovie?” 
“Mhm!” You mumble happily. 
“That’s right, and no more excessive workouts. If you wanna do some extra workouts, let me know so that we can have sex instead.” He proposes happily. 
“Can we “work out” some more then?” You breathe out.
“I’d love that. 
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princeanxious · 3 years
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Why would you hide the Villain remus and Janus thing in the tags, I'd read the hell outta Hero Virgil turned Villain
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you mean this??? shdbic aaa Yeah I want to write it, but i also want to write a lot of things. xD but this is def one of those things i’d love to write a short-ish one-shot about just so I can write it.
can you imagine? Virgil, young and anxious, manifesting powers of the light and dark variety, able to manipulate shadows and summon electricity with such fine precision because he’s spent so long fretting over accidentally hurting someone with it that he refused to even dare try and step into the hero scene until he was 150% certain that he’d trained his powers to disconnect from his emotions so that he’d never have an outburst that could even harmlessly shock or scare someone. He’s so in control over his powers that its to an insane degree just because he wants to make sure he cant hurt anybody on accident.
(complete ramble continued under the cut bc boy howdy this got so long it might as well be its own short one-shot)
And, he’s worked so in depth with his powers because of course he can’t just suppress them!(Suppressing electricity based powers doesn’t get rid of that energy, it just makes that constantly generating energy stay put and build, which makes it even more dangerous when it’s finally released, so suppression is a no go) So of course not only does he work extensively with learning how to control his powers, but also how to healthily use them and expend his energy safely, effectively, and skillfully as he grows into them. Might as well push your limits of learning just how much your power can do if you have to learn how to exist safely around others by controlling it, right?
So, by default, by the time Virgil is both old enough and confident enough in his powers to consentingly apply for registry to the worlds heroes association, he’s both insanely skilled with his powers, and also insanely talented(the equivalent to a child prodigy, not that many people in charge of the worlds hero association believe that, though.). The people who had been interviewing him believed the same, thinking him to be just another super teenager boasting about his skills when they couldn’t even sense his power, thinking that what little power Virgil did have was not even worth bothering to report anything substantial about the interview. That he’d oughta go try the villain’s headquarters, because at least they take in wandering powerless for henchmen all the time.
Virgil, feeling pissed but not quite enraged yet, because what teenager wouldn’t hate it to be so invalidated and demeaned at being out right dismissed as a threat, let alone considered more of an invalid for not having powers, starts to display his power. 
First it’s the main interviewer’s phone that they’d been glancing boredly at, drained suddenly of all power. Then it’s the landline of that specific room, then it’s the lamp, the computer suddenly shuts off with zero warning and nothing of it turns on. The lamp in the corner of the room goes dark, bulb by bulb, and the printer in the room dies. Virgil’s eyes are glowing violet but he hasn’t moved any more than the annoyed twitch of an eyelid. the light’s overhead turn off, leaving the lights in the hallway still on, leaving the remaining light in the room coming from the single window in the room and the open doorway. 
He reaches up a hand, and snaps once, and shadows swallow up the light over the hallway and the window, acting as a wall from the inside and out. 
Now the only light in the room is his glowing eyes.
The second interviewer is struggling to summon fire from her hands to light the room, but it doesn’t work. The energy she’s using to summon the fire is immediately sapped by Virgil’s force, there isn’t even a spark. The first interviewer can feel Virgil’s power now, it’s bright and burning. It’s like he has a core in the middle of his being like a sun’s core because its storing so much power, and the only reason they can see it now is because Virgil’s using his power. He has so much control that even on a nonphysical level it’s nearly tangible, the way that they can see his shadow powers conceal even the existence of his power, now that they know what their looking at.
In mere seconds, this kid has tipped the world on their head and put the fear of god into them, an undetected yet undeniable threat in the making. 
They watch his eyes tilt with his head, and the distinct sound of the entire building powering down is unmistakable, shouts of surprise and confusion due to the failure of the buildings many fail-safes failing to trigger. And then, with another snap, all power is restored to normal in the blink of the eye, all machines and lights are functioning perfectly, not an irregular shadow in sight, and all at once Virgil reads as a normal human teenager, not a whiff of power to be sensed. He looks pretty peeved, though.
“Maybe I will try my luck at the Dark Side then, at least they care about the people that look to be taken in. Let me know if you changed your mind, I’d love to have a do-over. With a different set of interviewers, mind you.” before he walks out of the interview room, off to blow off some steam legally and safely.
Imagine his outrage when a week later he’s served a summons to court, deeming him a “Threat to Society” and “better left in jail until the court can be convinced of his good nature” because he’s an “out of control juvenile gifted with an unprecedented amount of power that he couldn’t possibly control without strict legal supervision and interference and cannot be trusted to continue to exist as a normal citizen until the W.H.A deems it safe.”
Faced with possible lifelong inprisonment and zero control over the rest of his life because an association of supers think that they know better and that he’s some stupid teenager that was set loose on the world with means to only cause catastrophe and devastation, or freedom at the hands of some ambiguously grey moral decisions every once in a while and being treated as a normal human being even if he has to be a henchman to another super for a while? 
The decision isn’t a hard one to make.
So imagine his surprise when he’s not only accepted into the Dark Side after being respectfully asked to demonstrate the full extent of his power and his control over it, but instead of becoming a villain’s henchmen, he instead gains the full title of Villain(with another Villain(Janus) stepping in to mentor him and show him the ropes of the rules and everything), and even further: Gets his own henchmen assigned to him. 
A pair, Patton and Logan. 
Patton has a partial shapeshifting ability, but it only really lets him turn into a big frog man, making him perfect for doing any of the main heavy lifting for the team, and also perfect for protecting Logan when under attack. He’s built like a himbo and is absolutely 100% a himbo, heart of gold, super strong, buff dad bod, the whole sha-bang.
Logan has a power that is one part linked with memory, one part linked with technology. His brain can retain information like a computer databank, and he can get any misfunctioning technology to work if he can get his hands on it or a connection to it. He avoids all the quirks that interfere or damage real databanks and technology(like magnets, water, and short-circuiting) and can semi-directly connect with devices he is familiar with, without having to hold/touch/look at one.
All together, they have the beginnings of a well rounded team: the brawns, the brains, and the leader with plans and the power to make it happen. Even before finding out their reasons for coming to the dark side, Virgil becomes ride or die for them. (And honestly, they’re also pretty ride or die for him too, not even starting with the fact that they’re both like 26-27 and Virgil is an 18 year old anxious mess that had to make the decision over being the bad guy or losing any and all autonomy for the foreseeable future, which is gonna fuck up any kid and young adult’s brain. So, lowkey adopt him as a younger sibling even though he’s the boss of them and just barely taller than them.(Virgil is a tol lanky boi, and while Logan, standing at 5′9″, is but an inch shorter than Virgil at the start, Virgil still has growing room and peaks at about 6′4″ by the time hes 22. Patton at his normal height is like 5′6″, but frog man height is like 8′3″)
Oh, and they definitely make the Worlds Hero Association regret not taking Virgil’s existence kindly, Big Time.
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