#so my day is really going quite well considering

[lilghostiequinni]

Baby Steps

Main Masterlist Lando Masterlist

Pairing: Finacee!female oc (Kaylen) x Lando Norris

Warnings: Fluffy, Established relationship

Summary: People only knew her as the girlfriend of Lando Norris, but it's a slip-up by Lando that reveals her to be more in an interview.

Requested: NO / yes

Kaylen was walking around the paddock waiting for her fiance, boyfriend; everyone still thought she was the girlfriend of Lando, not the woman who would soon be his wife, his fiancee.

There was nothing she could do about it, she wanted nothing more than to tell the world, but she much more enjoyed the peace of no one knowing but those trusted few.

She ran into a fan of Lando's accidentally, like she literally ran into her.

"I am so sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going. Are you okay?" Kaylen quickly says as she helps the woman she knocked over up.

The friends of the woman came over as the woman stood up. As one of her friends was opening their mouth to say something, the woman beat her to it, "It's okay, I wasn't watching either."

One of the woman's friends' eyes widened in recognition, "You're Lando's girlfriend, your Kaylen!"

Kaylen nods at the girl, "And you are fans of his? All of you?" She meant nothing negative, knowing that some are fans of her fiance's but also like another driver.

"Yeah, we all are fans of Lando. We have some bracelets of him, but we weren't able to give them to him before he walked away." The woman she knocked down told her.

"Well, I can give them to him, or if you stay right here, I'll be right back, and I'll get you some signed merch," Kaylen said. She had had worse run-ins with fans about her being with Lando, but there were many who weren't, and she usually got them like a shirt or hat.

"Really? You would do that?" Another in the group asked.

"Yeah, you must be some of the nicest fans I've met. The last fan I ran into was so rude, and she called me a whore for loving Lando," Kaylen says to them. "Stay right here, I'll be right back, here take my pass and they won't move you away."

When she received a nod, she turned and walked back to the McLaren garage, where Lando seemed to be ready to text her.

"Hey, I was just about to text you. Where were you?" Lando asked as he pulled her into a hug.

"I was exploring as always, and I got bored. But I ran into a fan, quite literally, and they are so nice I promised merch. So, please,' Kaylen asks, well, says to her fiance as she wraps her arms around his neck.

"Alright, hang on," Lando says; he lets go, prompting Kaylen to let go, too.

Lando walks away and returns with a box and a pen, "Lead the way."

Lando has a smile on his face as he says so, "Let's go before I'm called into the next meeting."

Kaylen nods and leads the way to the fans she has met, having seen them in the same spot she left them, "Sorry it took longer than expected. I had to wait for him." After she says something, the fans see Lando behind her with a box, and they are speechless.

Lando just chuckles.

"I told him how we met and that I promised signed merch, and he decided to get out of the paddock," Kaylen said to the group of fans.

Who had regained their voices and were talking a lot, and Lando was signing things from the box of merch and giving them to the fans and putting the bracelets they gave him on his wrist.

When the fans have their merch and leave, Kaylen hugs Lando with a smile before the two walk back to McLaren.

A few days later, Lando is doing an interview where he is supposed to tell the truth, a lie sector test.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No," Lando answers with a chuckle; it's technically true; he doesn't have a girlfriend, but a fiancee.

The man behind the computer nods, signaling that he's telling the truth.

"Oh, do you have many girlfriends?"

Lando puts his head and chuckles, and he thinks to his fans who call him their boyfriend, but none that he himself considers his girlfriend, but what he does think of is the way Kaylen smiles and how she makes him feel, "No, but I've got a fiancee."

After the interview is released, it's all over Twitter X, that he's scared people, thinking he and Kaylen broke up, but then when he says fiancee, fans are shocked, but the response over the new discovery rather than development is amazing, and people love it

A/N: A little short, but I like it.

Tags: @poppyflower-22 @samantha-chicago @barcelonaloverf1life @tallrock35 @hellothere9597

If you want to be removed from a tag list, let me know so I don't keep tagging you. If you are striked through, I don't know if you want to be tagged, but just let me know if you want me to continue or stop

#ln4 #f1 #lando norris #formula 1 #mclaren #lando norris x reader #lando imagine #lando norris fanfic #lando norris imagine #lando norris fluff #lando norris x oc #lando norris x you #lando x reader

[andhumanslovedstories]

I’ve been struggling lately with the feeling that my job is pointless. Intellectually I know it is not—nursing is one of those professions where you get to be real smug about knowing the value of your work. But it’s still felt very pointless. Like I’ll start a shift thinking, “what am I even doing here,” and end it thinking, “what have I actually even done.” It’s been a ROUGH couple months.

But I had a really good shift last time I worked, which was good for the soul and also a very useful data point. I got to do pain management advocacy and symptom management, met a bunch of cool patients, did education for new nurses, and had several long heart to hearts, which the kind of midnight heart to hearts that I think are the most important part of night shift, all of that while being well staffed with very pleasant and appreciative patients and coworkers, and I was still like. Pretty depressed. I had a sense of satisfaction and moments of joy and meaning, but it turns out that one good shift did not cure the depression that has been latched on to me for the last few months like some kind of fucked up mental health leech. As I realized I was still depressed and that it was still interfering with my life even when everything was going well, the sense of peace washed over me was the best I’d felt in a while. Because I was like, okay! None of my usual stuff as worked! I have no excuse not to try something new to get my brain out of the shit ditch it’s slipped into.

So I’m applying for short-term disability. I’m worried I won’t get it, and I’m not sure what the next step is if I get rejected, but I feel so much better having decided to pursue it. It’s so much fuckin paperwork for sure, to a degree that’s overwhelming except that that the form could be a checkbox that says, “you want money?” and I’d be like “THIS IS TOO MUCH.” I’m totally not writing this post instead of finishing an email to my manager. I’m definitely not writing this post to avoid dealing with coordinating all my various care providers. I’m certainly not at every moment worried that I’m secretly faking all this so I can get three to nine weeks of a cool summer vacation.

I was thinking about how I almost flunked nursing school in my final semester because I turned in assignments late for a class with a “no late homework” policy. The professor said that this was reflective of real life, where if you miss deadlines you’re just fucked. I ended up appealing my grade and passing, because frankly it was a weak reason for making me repeat a final semester when there was no issues with my actual work or knowledge. During my appeal, I was like “I also think this policy is ableist. Harsh penalties for late work hurt students with health problems, especially chronic health problems when you aren’t asking for one week off due to the flu but instead for a general and never ending flexibility. I’m not trying to make an excuse but explain why this policy is a bad one. Disabled healthcare workers are an asset to healthcare.” I’m trying to remember my own argument as I pursue help. My depression and ADHD and eating disorder do help me be a better nurse, not because like depression gives you superpowers, but because I manage my chronic illnesses every day, in ways that range from hardly noticeable to life or death. Being kind to patients means being kind to myself, and vice versa.

I’m rambling. I really do not want to do this paperwork or send these emails. And I’m not sure if I deserve the leave I’m trying to take. But I miss being love with my job. I miss enjoying it. I wouldn’t judge someone else for going on medical leave, and my job doesn’t want me to burn out or quit. It almost feels like I have to be skeptical of applying for leave because no one else is. Everyone I’ve spoken to has been very supportive, including my manager. And considering how many unpaid days off I’ve had to take lately, disability leave would be an improvement over some of my recent paychecks. All in all, short-term disability makes sense and seems like a reasonable response to circumstances. But FUCK. I wish it required like 90 percent less documentation.

#nursing tag

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for venting?

Emojis, so I can find it later 💯⁉️💥 (unrelated, I just use them a lot)

So I(16) have been struggling with depression since I was, like, 10. It's been worse and better over the years, but something that really triggers it is extreme weather. Dunno why, but if its hot as fuck outside I *will* be considering suicide.

I regularly go to sleepaway camp every year. I usually do two weeks and usually go during the summer rainy season. Well, a year or two back (can't remember, got that depression and ADHD memory loss) I went later on in the summer than I usually do, and it was really fucking hot out. The whole time.

I could deal with it for a couple of days, especially because I was having a bit of romantic tension with J(16) (not real name, not even real initial). "I can survive any situation as long as I have a crush on someone there", or whatever that post said. He was really sweet and also suffered from depression. We talked about our struggles together, and he seemed to be responsive and chill about it. He did have trauma from his past with loved ones committing suicide, but he seemed to have worked through his grief and didn't have negative reactions when it was mentioned.

Here's where I might be the asshole. Eventually, the heat got to be too much for me, not to get too graphic but I was making plans, so I sent my parents a letter asking to pick me up. I waited a couple days for them to recieve it, and they did and called and said they would pick me up in the morning.

I delivered the news to everyone by being quite vague about what I had to go home for. When pressed, I said my parents didn't give any details and I was a little worried. That explained my acting weird away to everyone, but not J. He didn't believe me for one minute, and was determined to get to the bottom of it.

He took me outside, asked me what was wrong, and told me it was ok to tell him. It took a little convincing, but I eventually broke down and told him I was having suicidal ideation and that I needed to get the fuck out of dodge or I might do something drastic. I specified that I would be completely fine once I got out of the oppressive heat and humidity, just that I had to go home ASAP. I did ask him not to tell anyone because I didn't want them to worry, which I realize now was unkind. I should have at least told a counselor so that he wasn't alone.

Anyway, he immediately started having full-fledged PTSD flashbacks. I couldn't tell at first, but then I realized what was going on and tried to comfort him. It didn't work. The counselor that came check on us just kicked me out. I went back inside feeling guilty, but I was hoping that I reassured him enough that he would be ok.

He acted normal for the rest of the time I was there (we even kissed! That was my first kiss) and made me promise to text him when I got home. Naturally, I did, reassuring him and telling him I was feeling infinitely better now that I had air conditioning and my phone. When he got home from camp a week later, he seemed a little freaked out but seemed to be mollified by my texts.

However, a couple days after that, he texted me out of nowhere, saying that I shouldn't have told him about what I was going home about because I gave him constant PTSD flashbacks for the rest of camp. He felt sick with worry the whole time. I felt like shit, obviously, so I responded with profuse apologies. He seemed to accept them but still feel a little resentful.

I still feel really fucking bad about it. I actually haven't told anyone I know IRL about. Well. Pretty much anything bothering me since. I know that's a bit of an overreaction, but I don't want to do that to anyone else.

So, am I the asshole?

(By the way, if you were there or know me, I would love it if you could just ignore this. Please and thank you. And also never make me know you read this cause that would be embarrassing as fuck lol)

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

[iwaoiamiright]

iwaoi would be big on the “keep you private but not a secret” thing actually. when they're finally dating, I think around age 28? let's go with that. iwaizumi is already the athletic trainer for japan and oikawa is the setter for Argentina, they finally had the Talk™ after Argentina vs Japan match and things got heated and emotional after they were catching up post match. now that they're finally together, they post clasped hands on their social media with sappy captions whenever they meet, subtly mention “my partner" in interviews or with the teams. oikawa's internet presence is much larger so his followers know he's seeing someone. everyone is nosey as hell about it and the jnt keep trying to get iwaizumi to tell them who's oikawa so smitten with. Hinata is the first though. he and tobio follow oikawa's social media and seeing the onslaught of sudden romantic posts makes them both a little disappointed. they had always thought oikawa and Iwaizumi shared something special, something that might turn into romantic later on too. but oikawa's in Argentina and it seems like he's quite fond of whoever he's currently seeing.

“do you know who it is?” Hinata asks iwaizumi when he's stretching. he's been so curious for so long, trying to see any disappointment,bitterness or sadness in iwaizumi's face. but it's the opposite. iwaizumi's face lights up, he smirks.

“you want to know who's dating oikawa?” he asks, his smirk growing. Hinata doesn't like it. was he wrong all along? did iwaizumi not like oikawa-san like that?

“he's been posting a lot. he must really like this person." Kageyama asks, walking over. Hinata knows he was just eves dropping on them since the beginning.

“hm ...he really does." Iwaizumi says happily and walks away.

Hinata frowns. when he had met oikawa in Brazil and spoken to him, the setter had brought up his childhood with Iwachan a lot. Hinata could tell he was so fond of iwaizumi san. and considering how well the two were connected, it was only a matter of time before they decided to be involved romantically too. or at least he had thought. he looked at kageyama to see him frowning too.

“he's not bothered at all." He says to kageyama,who nods.

“but he reacted so differently when oikawa-san posted a picture with his friend." Kageyama said.

A few months ago, before the Japan vs Argentina match, iwaizumi had come to work, particularly grumpy. he'd made everyone do twice the regular amount of exercise and snapped at anyone protesting . Hinata had decided to grab the bull by the horns and asked iwaizumi if something was on his mind. iwaizumi had said he was worried about the upcoming matches and left it at that, a resolute pout on his face the entire day. kageyama had later showed him oikawa's Instagram where he had posted a picture with the Argentinian athletic trainer. they were possibly out getting drinks together. oikawa was draped over the trainer's shoulders while he held oikawa's waist. both with dopey grins on their faces. the caption said how they'd both gotten drunk and tried to recreate some pose but failed. it was a good laugh. but iwaizumi hadn't liked or commented on the post. iwaizumi was by no means chronically online but he always left likes on the jnt's posts and oikawa's. hinata met kayegama's eyes in understanding. he took kageyama's phone and marched over to iwaizumi, kageyama trailing behind him.

“iwaizumi-san have you seen oikawa-san's new post?” Hinata said, shoving the phone into iwaizumi's face so he couldn't even avoid it if he tried. the effect was incredible. iwaizumi became cross eyed for a bit, looking at the screen, then shoved the phone away. he glared at Hinata, his jaw tightening then closed his eyes, willing himself to be calm.

“aren't you supposed to be running laps?” he growls at Hinata who only smiles.

“i just finished!” he says proudly.

“well. if you have time for social media ,you have time for more exercise. Run a 100 more laps, and take kageyama with you." Iwaizumi says, dismissing them both and walking away to check Bokuto's form.

Hinata only cackles, amused at Iwaizumi's reaction as he sits down to text oikawa.

“compared to that reaction, this is nothing.” Hinata says as he observed iwaizumi. he seemed normal.

“the whole team's so nosey about who you're dating." Iwaizumi tells oikawa later that night as they're on call. Oikawa laughs delightedly.

“Shoyou has texted me twice so far asking who it is. I just sent him winking emojis" oikawa said, demonstrating a wink and a smile.

“when should we tell them? I think kageyama and Hinata are quite disappointed you're dating someone else." Iwaizumi said, his smile widening.

“hmm. I think we should let them figure it out on their own." Oikawa said.

“and if they don't?”

“they'll find out after the wedding invitations" oikawa said. iwaizumi huffed a laugh. keeping the team guessing was really fun after all

#iwaoi #oikawa tooru #iwaizumi hajime #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #iwaoi fluff #jealous iwaizumi #If you squint #New fic idea y'all #I just love jnt being super nosey and full on supporting iwaoi #kagehina the biggest iwaoists #kageyama did expose oikawa for always setting to iwaizumi in tough situations #I just think iwaoi dropping hints they're in a committed relationship #but no one's the wiser because they both act the same with each other #and iwaizumi's not big on posting #so everyone assumes it's just oikawa who's dating someone #bonus points if kagehina offer to set iwaizumi up on a date #and find out he's seeing someone took #Hinata stops believing in true love briefly

[not-that-syndrigast]

Driver line ups.

Every year a new there's the traumatizing silly season and every year a new people are complaining and not understanding why certain drivers get signed with certain teams. There’s many thoughts to have over this and with the help of my autism and the horrendous lists i made to compare all the data, here’s the driver line up strategies of the teams and my guess on silly season.

Upfront, a few notes; it’s difficult to compare all the teams because certain teams like Ferrari have decades of knowledge on driver line ups, legacy and money while teams like Haas need to build all that first. Furthermore, team strategies change quite drastically and get influenced by changes in team principals and intern problems the public may not be as aware of, so you are not only allowed but also asked to question anything i say here and comment your own ideas. These are mainly my observations and guesses.

Considering influences, I would like to start with Mercedes. One thing that has been big with the winning teams forever, is their strategy to ‘build’ their drivers and teams. Every team wants to sign drivers for a long time period, because it's easier to win if the team knows each other, plus it's better to have younger drivers because they are more likely to stay with the team and that's how you get drivers like Lewis Hamilton at Mercedes for eleven seasons. Another thing about Mercedes is the fact that they do not take rookies, usually. They take young drivers that have shown to be good with another team and try to keep them for long and since they are generally considered a winning team, they don't have to fear not finding a good second driver (well, they had). This is also the reason why I doubt that they’ll sign Antonelli; pretty likely to see drivers like Tsunoda, if he shows more good results. A few months back I would have said Albon, but many people didn't want that because they feared a repeat. Whoever thought brocedes wouldn’t be brought up here underestimates their influence on the sport. I'm not even talking about all the PR-drama, but the way they almost ruined the team with their crashing into each other, aggressive fighting and miscommunication in the team. It was expensive, stupid and no team wants to deal with that drama, which is why we come to Redbull now;

Red Bull signed Perez for peace. With Webber and Vettel back in the day, they know how teammate rivalries can ruin the team and they want to avoid that, so their bet for the past few years has been; have an outstanding good driver as driver number one, let him win and make all the points and get a solid second driver. Perez is not good enough to become a serious threat to Verstappen, but he also seems to not hold a grudge at that, which works perfectly for Redbull. Sure, they could have signed Sainz, but if you look at Ferrari right now, he tends to drive too aggressively, crash, and redbull does not want to afford that drama, can’t get points if your teammates crash each other out. Another tactic of redbull is the junior team. Redbull doesn’t take rookies either, they go to torro rosso/alpha tauri/RB or whatever they call themselves now and then get upgraded to redbull.

The whole tactic of torro rosso/alpha tauri/RB is the following; get a good rookie driver, let him drive for a year and if he seems to be good, put him into redbull. If he’s bad, drop him. Many young drivers only drove a season at Torro Rosso and were instantly dropped and couldn’t find a new seat, at least that used to be the strategy until they rebranded to alpha tauri first and now Visa cash app RB (i think). Right now, they are more on track to really become their own team. With multiple seasons Ricciardo and Tsunoda, these guys are used to the team, but it poses a problem, because Tsunoda didn’t sign up to build this team; he had assumed to be bumped up to redbull, but since that seat is filled and he doesn’t seem to be able to outperform Verstappen, he’ll leave and RB will be back on their rookie-traumatizing track, probably with Liam Lawson.

A team that does NOT care and just simply decides to not think that much, is Ferrari. Also nicknamed the retirement home for world championship winners, they once again decide to ignore all redflags. Who can blame them, red is their favorite color? Just like all the other good teams, they try to build their teams, only that they are a bit too prestigious in certain cases and usually don’t take rookies, or even younger drivers. They want the best, but Ferrari has been really inconsistent in recent years, so no one who seriously contests for a WDC wants to sign with them if they are already in a good team. They don’t care though, they sign good drivers even if they risk everything by that. It's clear by signing Hamilton; Leclerc is too media trained to say anything mean about Hamilton when they unavoidably crash next year, but they will try to beat each other up behind the garages, probably. It's a difficult situation, deciding which of them gets preferred when it comes to strategy, but if you look at current Ferrari situations, that doesn't bother them. Questionably, when Vaseur needs to mention he has to hold Leclerc and Sainz back from murdering each other, but it's been like this for decades in Ferrari and maybe they hope all the angst will bring out more desperation for wins? I probably will never understand them.

Next big team on our list; McLaren. You should know about me, I love McLaren. Well, that's a lie, I love their drivers and design but I absolutely loathe their team principal and whoever had the idea for their horrendous drivers line up. One of the few things i do respect about their team is the fact that they actually take rookies; they try to build up their teams and they aren't afraid to invest in rookies, as you can see with Lewis Hamilton and Lando Norris, but one thing that i absolutely hate about them is their obvious favorite child behavior. To put it clear; if it wasn't a rule, McLaren wouldn't have a second driver. Their line up strategy is basically; ‘let's get a very bright young man as a first driver, build his whole career, get him long contracts, get him his own show whatever. Oh, we need a second driver? Yeah, let's adopt that bastard over there’. The favoritism is actually insane, which is why the second driver often gets replaced pretty fast, but with them signing Piastri, a second rookie, we could see a slight change in their behavior; sure, he wasn't as sponsored by McLaren as Hamilton or Norris were, but it seems clear to me that different than Sainz or Ricciardo he also almost gets the first driver treatment; he’s young and perfect to build the team so they will try to keep him as long as possible, thus having both drivers in their line up actually building up the team, plus they are young, very good and seem less likely to get all too dramatic; maybe one of the reasons they signed Piastri, but i'm not quite convinced it'll stay this way.

Williams is interesting, by their history they should be one of the top teams but they look more like one of the worst teams right now. Williams is sort of Mercedes junior team, they take the rookies for Mercedes which is why I was surprised Albon didn’t go to Mercedes, but as of now it seems that they will keep their rookie program up, so my guess for the future is that they will drop Sargeant and instead focus on building up another rookie like Kimi Antonelli for Mercedes.

Haas is interesting because they are so new, but from the last few years it's pretty clear they also try to build up their team with Magnussen but they struggle with that, since different than the big teams, drivers generally don't want to commit to them and so their team is rather filled with rookies or other drivers that seek to prove themselves in a bad team in hopes of getting signed by one of the actually winning teams, best example for that is Bearman where it’s already clear that if he proves himself he will have good chances for a seat at Ferrari in a few years and who would choose Haas over Ferrari? Haas also cannot afford to get a former good driver and most experienced drivers don't want to stay at Haas, as long as they have better chances elsewhere, so they’ll only sign short contracts considering the Sainz rumors. I think we will most likely see a Magnussen and Bearman line up in the next few seasons and either they manage to proof the team and become a midfield team like Aston Martin or they will slowly turn into the junior team for Ferrari

For alpine, Stake and Aston martin i'm not so sure. These teams went through loads of rebrandings, switches in the team principals and those positions in the last years that i can only guess that they try to copy the winning teams’ strategies but end with a similar fate to Haas, but personally i have to admit i do prefer it this way, since it leaves more spaces open for young drivers, these teams are usually filled with either rookies or drivers that are driving their last seasons before retirement because no other team wants to sign them, it's a good way for younger drivers to get into F1 without being under the insane pressure that teams like torro rosso used to put on their new drivers who knew they'd be kicked if they didn't perform in a season; in these teams, there's more learning from experienced drivers and i assume we could maybe see these teams work their way up in the course of a few years, but for the next season there will maybe be switches between these teams when it comes to drivers but i also have high hopes to see some rookies on here.

In the end, I also have quite a few thoughts on the drivers. We need to focus on new drivers, rookies, because these are getting quite interesting. The current F1 grid is pretty old. I know it’s been a problem for many years, having less rookies, but not a single rookies this season? Come on, and we are at fear of not getting a new rookie for ‘25 either! With F1 becoming more and more expensive it becomes almost impossible to get into F1, no matter how good you are, because signing a rookie is expensive. Let’s compare drivers here; many people are mad about Red Bull signing Checo again, but they underestimate how cheap he is if you compare him to any possible rookie. Sure, Checo gets paid a lot, but he also brings in sponsors and a bunch of merchandise sales; the people love him, you can sell merchandise with him and you don’t need to invest in interviews or whatever to make people like him, he's already popular. Furthermore, he doesn’t need to get accustomed to the car. Yes, he sometimes finishes badly, but it's still a safer call than getting in a rookie that would fail most of his first races because these guys are not accustomed to F1 cars; there's barely any training today, especially if you compare it to years ago. I’m currently reading Lewis Hamilton's biography so I can take him as an example; it's mentioned how much he was able to test the McLaren before his first race, sp obviously he was already used to the car and thus able to have a great first season, while rookies now just get thrown into the cold water. I would argue the teams are also trying to get too young drivers too. If Mercedes really signs Kimi Antonelli you’ll see him crash next year, that boy is barely used to the F2 cars! We all know they try to build their drivers for many seasons, look at Hamilton, but most of the young drivers lack so much experience! Look at Sargeant, a few more years in F2 would have done wonders for him. And i get it, they want to break Max’ and Redbulls records, get the youngest drivers and the next big story but this whole thing is just fucked up. That’s another post though.

On the other hand, F2 comes more and more into focus so I think in the following years we will see more F2 drivers getting big sponsors so the money isn’t that big of a problem anymore. But that’s also for another post!

#f1 #formula 1 #f1 2024 #red bull f1 #mercedes f1 #ferrari f1 #mclaren f1 #williams racing #visa cashapp rb #haas f1 team #alpine f1 #stake f1 team #aston martin f1 #max verstappen #sergio perez #lewis hamilton #nico rosberg #brocedes #f2 #silly season #this was a four pages google doc #please dont hate me

[luminouslywriting]

Hii wanted to request a Bob headcannon, them with a French risistant

Ahh this is a super fun idea! Admittedly, I don't know a ton about the French resistance, but I'll give it my best go! Reminder that my requests are open for BoB, MOTA, and the Pacific!

More under the cut, cut for length:

Dick Winters:

-Really impressed with your work and works with you well.

-The relationship is born from a mutual respect and friendship—combined with shared goals, it makes it easy for the two of you to connect and fall in love.

-You promise to take him to Paris one day and you are the one who accompanies him on his leave :)

-Admittedly, he does worry about you because your job puts you in the line of fire, but he trusts you and your ability to handle yourself above all else.

-Does his best to learn some French and it's very very American sounding still, but hey, he's trying haha

-Waits until the end of the war to make a move because he doesn't want to mess things up with you

Lewis Nixon:

-Enjoys getting to know you during intelligence reports and other espionage acts. Is very impressed by you. -Loves talking French culture and appreciated your music and art a ton….he’s an educated man, after all haha. -Thinks you need to let loose every now and then with a drink and definitely offers it more than once haha. -Comes to talk to you about the most random things; from strategy to drinking to his marriage problems to your life story. -Always expresses gratitude and appreciation for the sacrifices you make to help Easy Co along. -Probably hooks up with you at least once and then admits he’s fallen for you shortly before the war ends lol

Ronald Speirs:

-Pretends not to listen to any of the stories about you and mostly succeeds. He just figures out the truth and has mad respect for you and your job. -Scary girlfriend with scary dog boyfriend privileges?? Sign me up. -Loves getting to work with you in any capacity and will swap tips and tricks for taking people down haha

-Please just have a hot spar session with him. It’s life changing, I promise. -Learns French quietly and on his own to better communicate with you. -Probably comes back to Europe after the war to sweep you off your feet and admit his love.

Buck Compton:

-In awe??? You’re very cool and he’s very aware of that haha. -Compliments you very sincerely and probably tries to get into whatever sports teams that you have in France. -Also a college boy who is considering doing college in Europe solely so he can see you after haha

-Learns all of your body language so he can better understand how you’re feeling about things without having to ask you plainly. -Is a great support system so please be a great support to him as well. -Invite him to come recover in France, he’ll love that!

Carwood Lipton:

-Painfully shy about being impressed by you and your skillset. But he’s also paying close attention and praising your work. -A great friend and ally to have wherever you travel. He’ll always have your back. -He’s quietly harboring a crush that he would be mortified if anyone found out. Easy Company does find out and ships you two quite a bit. -Is not going to make a move until Austria though because he knows that the war is a messy situation and relations between countries are already stressed. -Very sweet about supporting you and always checks in on your emotions and how your family is doing. He CARES okay??? -Everyone is convinced you two are going to be married one day haha.

Joe Liebgott:

-Love at first sight?? Like DAYUM he is impressed and starry eyed and immediately flirting with you the first chance he gets. -It does not go well and he needs a whole redemption friend arc where he proves himself to be a good friend first. -Has cute German pet names for you that he will never speak aloud lol. -Probably invites you to his foxhole for warmth (there’s only some slight innuendos in that instance)

-Makes a move shortly after Bastogne because that was sobering to realize mortality was so frail and it all just works out. -You are the only person he will share his chocolate with haha.

Donald Malarkey:

-Meets you on D-Day and is just ???? Shook??? Bc who are you and where did you come from and how are you so cool? -He’s super easy to talk to and connect with. He loves talking to you and hearing about your life. -Also just wants to introduce you to American food and sports haha. -Writes home to his family about you in passing and they are sus as hell about that haha

-Really gets to know you after his friends die and leave after Bastogne and relies on you a lot. You’re a great strength to him. -Probably asks you if you’d like to come home to the US with him :)

Eugene Roe:

-HE SPEAKS FRENCH, YOU SPEAK FRENCH, instant besties, if only because he understands exACTLY what you’re saying haha 🤣

-You two gravitate easily towards each other for this reason but also, it’s really nice to have someone with actual medical training on your side. -He loves hearing French folktales and legends and he’ll share some American and Cajun ones with you

-Always is the first to check on you after espionage missions or after you’ve been on the line. He wants to make sure you’re doing okay. -Honestly very devoted to you but knows that the timing isn’t right and you both have jobs to do. -But a hand hold here or there wouldn’t hurt…and neither would inviting him to France and to meet your family after the war haha

Bill Guarnere:

-An Italian American and his French S/O walk into a bar….truly the start to an iconic joke….except you two are great together?? -He falls for your devotion and the way in which you are so passionate about things. And he definitely lets you know that. -He starts planning things out pretty early on and if you don’t have any family left, he’d be happy to make an honest Italian American out of you lol. -Consistently had your back in battle and watches out for you. -Go home with him to the US after he gets injured and he’ll take care of him. You’ll get a home and a family and someone who will love you forever. -Honestly?? Too cute.

Joe Toye:

-Not about to admit that he thinks you’re badass but he certainly tells everyone else that haha

-Likes to see you relax and have fun with the guys and prioritizes making sure you feel included

-Is a great listener if you ever want to talk about how you’re feeling or what’s been going on lately

-Trains with you on shooting and hand to hand combat and is eager to learn from you as much as he wants to teach you too

-Definitely wrote back home to his family about you and admitted his feelings before Bastogne.

-Go home with him please :) he’ll love you forever

George Luz:

-This man probably has so many nicknames for you (a la Tony Stark style) and it’s a witty banter filled friendship. -He’s not afraid of telling you how he feels and is very good at watching your six in the field. -Is the type of guy to attempt horrible flirting in broken French. It’s painful for everyone haha. -Everyone is aware that you two like each other and they’re coming to with increasingly deranged ways to get you two together. -Loved hearing you talk about history and your culture and hobbies. It’s one of the few times he’s completely quiet and attentive. -Comes back to Europe in a romantic grand gesture after the war to sweep you off of your feet.

#band of brothers headcanons #band of brothers asks #band of brothers imagines #band of brothers #band of brothers x reader #easy company #dick winters headcanons #dick winters x reader #dick winters imagines #dick winters #lewis nixon imagines #lewis nixon headcanons #lewis nixon x reader #lewis nixon #ronald speirs x reader #ronald speirs #ron speirs #buck compton x reader #buck compton #carwood lipton x reader #carwood lipton #joe liebgott #joe toye #donald malarkey #eugene roe #bill guarnere #george luz

[chaysreality222]

I Mini-Shifted to The 100 - Storytime

hii! it had hit me that i never told you guys the time i had mini-shifted. i wasn't sure if my story would be "relevant" since it had happened in early July 2021 and i had ig restarted my shifting journey in a way when i had come back to it. but i decided that though my experience was so long ago, it still matters and it motivates me every time i think about it..so maybe it would motivate others as well! especially, those who have been actively trying for awhile now :) i hope this brings you inspiration to keep going.

disclaimer: i used to have this story written down in my notes, wattpad, and amino down to the last detail but i deleted it when i thought i was "quitting" shifting for good. so this is what i remember of my mini-shifting experience!

I believe it was early in July of 2021, I had found out about reality shifting 3 days prior to me mini-shifting! Those 3 days, I lived and breathed the shifting community. I was doing all the research I can to successfully shift, binge watching kortcrux111 and many others on tiktok or youtube (kourt's stories absolutely amazed me), listening to subliminals throughout the entire day, scripting, etc. You can tell how obsessed I was and that only fed my motivation to shift.

That night, I had posted this list of calming affirmations onto amino that really helped me to be calm about my shifting journey. I then had binge watched Emilinaline's storytime's of her shifting to the 100! When I felt I was ready, I got ready to shift. I believe I had used and listened to the raven method meditation by alunir and used julia method theta waves subliminal after that! (i still use that subliminal here and there, i feel it works very powerfully for me).

I don't quite remember what shifting symptoms I got, but i'll remember as best i can. (majority of the time when i have my shifting attempts, i experience symptoms but that's just my experience!). I had felt immensely relaxed and detached from my cr body, and it was just a pool of black behind my eyelids until it was like there was blinking lights in front of my eyes. I remember trying to keep my eyes closed until I felt it was right because some have said they opened their eyes and woke up in their cr.

It had gone dark but I had seen light again flash on my eyelids. IT WAS SUNLIGHT! I knew this because you know when you close you're eyes and you can see the sunlight through your eyelids? Yeah, like that. I remember kinda whipping my head towards the sunlight fast but also telling myself don't freak out too much because if I had in fact shifted- I needed to ground myself.

I opened my eyes and I was surrounded by a green forest. The sunlight was peeking through the trees and I felt it. I'll never forget that moment. A wind swept through as I was looking around and I felt that too. I genuinely felt the tiny hairs of my arms stand up. I stood there in those couple seconds feeling like I made it.

That's when my arm was grabbed and I kinda freaked out. All I heard was this female voice, "Don't be afraid. You're almost there". I turned and IT WAS LEXA!!! That's when I knew I accidentally mini-shifted to the 100. (i did not have a script written for it either). I felt her touch and each individual finger of her hand wrap around my arm. That didn't help with how I was already freaking out, and so I felt myself slipping away. I tried to ground myself faster, but the pressure and rushing wasn't helping me to do so.

In reality, that moment lasted like 60 seconds max. I woke up with my eyes watering bro. Shifting to another reality, it's just as real as the one we are in right now! It's still hard to wrap my mind around it when I think back on it. When you feel the warmth of the sun, the breeze outside- remember that's how it will feel in your desired reality. Just as real as that.

Quick question, would you guys consider this as a mini-shift or actually shifting? please, lmk. I recently was watching one of reya's vids on youtube, and she said that a mini-shift should still be counted as shifting. I just want to hear everyone else's thoughts though! Because I don't want to say "Yeah, I fully shifted without even being able to actually ground myself".

Retelling that story kinda gave me goosebumps. I'm beginning to feel how I felt when I first learned about shifting and I never thought I'd feel like this again. I hope this motivated you guys like it did for me. As always, Happy Shifting!

xoxo, c!

#prttygirlshifterclub #reality shifting #shiftblr #shifting #desired reality #shifters #shifting motivation #shiftingblr #reality shifter #shifting realities #the 100 #green aesthetic #green #shifting blog

[vivelareine]

I’m really sorry that people jump to conclusions about you being a royalist. You seem to be quite nice and your posts are informative.

And it’s true that clergy and aristocracy at large benefitted from the rigged system. Also apparently the economy was already screwed up before, but Frev just had this specific set of precursor circumstances that lit up the powder keg, which was going to blow up eventually.

There is definitely a discussion to be had about all the nuances here, as Frev is a complicated subject.

Thank you! People can be... something, that's for certain.

I love nuanced discussions! I think they're especially fascinating when it comes to this era.

Like I love the fact that we can discuss how Marie Antoinette was personally charitable and kind, but that her personal charity and kindness existed in this almost incomprehensible vacuum of extreme wealth vs poverty.

To use an example I talked about on Twitter, there was an assistant gardener for the hameau de la reine who became ill shortly after being hired, and Marie Antoinette ended up spending almost 2000 livres (a hefty sum--the annual salary of the head gardener was considered a respectable 1500 livres per year, with room and board) on his medical care alone. When it became clear he would not regain his health, she paid for him to return home to England, with a large sum so he could set himself up somewhere.

This assistant gardener's annual salary, had he stayed to work at Versailles? 50 livres, which did include room and board, but still, 50 livres per year.

Now to take an EXTREME example, the infamous bracelets that Marie Antoinette purchased and her mother harassed her over cost 250,000 liveres. It would take 5000 years of this assistant gardener's salary to buy a pair of bracelets that she purchased on a whim. (Now this is an EXTREME example, because everyone considered these bracelets horrendously expensive and extravagant, and it was purchased during her short yet very significant 'wilder' days.)

So it's this fascinating contrast of, her being personally kind and thinking nothing of making sure he had medical care and personally seeing to it that he's not just kicked out of France with nothing and no way to live... and realizing that this personal kindness and compassion existed within this system of massive inequality.

It reminds me of the scene in Ever After (listen I will use any excuse to bring the movie up) where Danielle-in-disguise, after the prince frees the servant from the cart taking them to be indentured servants until they die: "You gave one man back his life, but did you even glance at the others?"

And not in the sense that I think Marie Antoinette would have been like "free this one man!" and ignored everyone else, but the sense that she gave charity, compassion, cared for others, paid for the upkeep of various families and watched over their children's well-being etc etc on a personal level... but she did not comprehend the need for systematic change outside of that very limited scope.

Re; Nuance...

Nuance gets lost a lot, on both sides.

IMO, I don't think people should expect to be taken seriously when talking about history if they are either huffing and puffing about Marie Antoinette being a bitch tyrant who got what she deserved, or if they're wringing their hands and saying Louis was perfect and the revolutionaries were devil worshipers who are burning in hell for daring to revolt.

(And like, I GET... if you just glance at my blog, you might go, oh wow, this person is really Marie Antoinette themed. Must be one of those people who thinks her life was the Sofia Coppola movie. But if you think that and you haven't bothered to read my blog or any of my social media, don't come up at me with some random BS like that and expect to be taken seriously. It's basic common sense and respect.)

#even the things that are horrendous (like Louis Charles abuse) need nuance. Not to excuse them but so that when you're studying #the history itself you understand the why and how it happens

[ejzah]

Suggested by @mashmaiden to continue the Houseguest Drabble Series. It’s quite long.

***

Deeks: This is getting ridiculous.

Kensi, in a soothing tone: I know, baby, but it won’t be that much longer.

Deeks, not soothed at all: Really? Cause it already feels like it’s been forever. Look, you know I love Anna and Callen, and at any other time, I’d probably love to have them here, but I we have no room, it’s been two days, and the twins are starting to babble in Russian.

Kensi, putting a hand on his arm: Sweetie, calm down. I don’t think babies can learn another language in 48 hours.

Deeks: Callen is very determined. *he takes a deep breath and rub s his hands over his face* I’m sorry. I’m just tired and need some caffeine. Donut and Croissant were feeling extra social last night.

Kensi, grimacing: I know. I heard you get up a lot. Let’s go see if there’s any coffee left.

They find Callen, Anna, and Rosa in the kitchen.

Anna: Good morning. Thank you again for letting us stay another night.

Kensi: You’re welcome. I hope the twins didn’t wake you up too much.

Anna: I brought ear plugs.

Callen, pouring them each a coffee: And you know I don’t sleep much.

Deeks, nodding: So…any updates.

Callen: Arkady’s not answering my texts.

Deeks, in exasperation: Alright, that’s it.

Kensi: What are you doing?

Deeks, halfway out of the kitchen: Taking care of this once and for all. *then on reconsideration, he grabs a bottle of alcohol on the way out*

***

Deeks: Arkady! Open the door.

The door pops open a crack and a sliver of Arkady’s face appears.

Arkady: Deeks, what are you doing here?

Deeks, shouldering his way in: Here, I brought you a housewarming gift.

Arkady, quirking an eyebrow at the wine: This is not my house.

Deeks: Exactly. Where are Yuliana and my mom?

Arkady: They are in back. I believe they mentioned something about lunch. Though I have not been considered in a plans.

Deeks, heading for the back door: Wonderful.

He finds Roberta and Yuliana happily chatting and relaxing on lawn chairs.

Yuliana, instantly wary when she sees him: Berta, who is this?

Roberta, sitting forward: It’s my my son, Martin. Marty, what’s going on? Is something wrong?

Deeks, holding up a hand: No, mama. Nothing’s wrong. Well, assuming you consider seven people sharing one bathroom not wrong. Did you notice the homeowners of this home are missing in action?

Roberta, shrugging: Hey, I didn’t make them leave.

Deeks: No, you just made them extremely uncomfortable with your fighting and death threats via sewing needle.

Arkady, from behind Deeks: Yes, they fight like—like shrews. Or yapping dogs, nipping at the defenseless.

Yuliana, stands up and instantly begins berating him in Russian.

Arkady, to Deeks after retorting in Russian: See, this is reason we did not marry.

Roberta, hand on her hip: Excuse me, what did you call me?

Deeks, whistling sharply: Alright, that is enough! In two sentences or less, explain your top grievance with this man. *he gestures to Arkady and then Yuliana* You go first.

Yuliana, haughtily: Arkady told me he had been tasked with a very important job for US government two weeks before our wedding. I never saw him again. And he took my engagement ring with him.

Deeks: Not a good look, man.

Yuliana, warming up now: He also lies! All the times with the lies and the stories. He told me—

Deeks, interrupting: On any other day, I would love to pull up a chair and listen, but right now I’m on a tight schedule. So, if you wouldn’t mind. Mom?

Robert: Well, I suppose it’s not that bad, but last week he never showed up for our weekly dinner at my house. *she glares at Arkady and he cowers a little* I’m also not a big fan of some of the things I heard about you from your ex. I’ve dated jerks before, Ari.

Deeks, nodding: Ok, so now we have the grievances. What type of reparations do you think are necessary for you both to get over this Russian scoundrel and vacate the premises?

Yuliana glances at Roberta and they shrug a couple of times before nodding.

Yuliana: A sincere apology would suffice. Otherwise, I will never leave.

Arkady: Apologize? For what? I have done nothing! Ok, perhaps I tell a few lies. But these are nothing.

Deeks, leaning close to him: Arkady, you either apologize to these ladies with the best of your con-man abilities or I will have you arrested for trespassing on private property.

Arkady: You are not agent anymore.

Deeks: You forget I’m friends with your son-in-law, Sam Hanna, and several other law enforcement agents who would happily put you behind bars.

Arkady: You would not dare. *Deeks raises an eyebrow and Arkady puts on a contrite expression* Yuliana, my former love, I am deeply sorry for abandoning you on our wedding day. I don’t deserve your love. Roberta, my dear, my feisty woman—

Deeks: Speed it up.

Arkady: Roberta, I promise to never treat you so poorly again. Will you forgive me?

Roberta: What do you think, Yuliana? Should we forgive this pathetic man?

Yuliana: It was satisfying to see him grovel. Why not? Roberta, do you have plans?

Deeks, as they wander off, making plans to go shopping: Oh, thank god. Maybe I can finally get some sleep.

Arkady: But first you just drive me home since I ride here with your mother.

Deeks, talking to himself: A jury would accept a plea of insanity.

#ncis la #densi #marty deeks #kensi blye #Callen #Anna #Arkady #Roberta #ridiculousness #dialogue drabble

[theprissythumbelina]

there's nothing like calling up a friend on short notice and knowing they'll drop everything to help you when you need it

#also on today #my horse has arthritis but its getting treated #and she's already feeling better so that's heartening #I got a lovely pie #love good pie #and I found a set of novelty pencil sharpeners shaped like WW2 vehicles #so my day is really going quite well considering

[thursdayg1rl]

first half term of year 13 done baby!!

#quite proud of that tbh #this half term I’ve been really dedicated #like I haven’t been counting down the days to the break (didn’t even know today was the last day until Wednesday) #and I went in every single day except for the train strike even tho I was really sick for weeks #and I really revised hard for tmua even tho it didn’t go well like at least I did something #also unrelated but I am considering entering for physics Olympiad #but idk if I’m good enough so perhaps will do a past paper #also need to finish my Cambridge application and possibly write a second personal statement #but I have 3 days for that #so today I can afford to do nothing #and I’m really tired so probably for the best #honestly near suicidal in the morning when I got up at 6.30 and it was pitch black outside #and felt like I slept for like. one hour max.. #not having problems w waking up at 3 am randomly thank god #how tf was I functioning in year 12 bc that would literally happen every night

[deus-ex-mona]

so long, cruel world—

#really really really long rambling in the tags about… stuff… coming up so… take warning!!!! #fr though now that i’m done with the dai…megu(?) event story i no longer know what to do with the rest of my time in quarantine help #maybe i’ll speedrun through the rest of the mona manga or something. yeah. that could work. #maaaan i’m boreddd lmaoooooooooooo #i should’ve brought my type aizo/yujiro julieta cds along… then i could’ve at least laughed at their terribad dances on the dvd #but it would’ve been awkward to ‘explain’ the dvds away at the bag checks… hmmmmmmm #well in any case. i just really miss eating beef and pork. they serve chicken with every meal here #but to their credit they’ve been cooking the chicken in different ways practically each and every time while adhering to my preferences #kudos to the catering team. really. even though they serve suspicious fruit at some times and questionable cake at others… #at this point i’m literally just vibing till they release me from quarantine. i have absolutely no symptoms aside from the residual cough… #still postive though… so oh well. i’ll just enjoy(?) this staycation(???) while it lasts… #it’s funny… i’ve considered going on a staycation just for the sake of holing myself up in a hotel room to work on my tls… #who knew that it’d end up coming true… albeit in the worst possible way lmfaoooooo #oh wells! on another note if you wanna screech about frusu and ft4 (esp wrt the latest mona manga chapter and the dai event) hmu👀👀👀👀 #also lmao i’m now trying to compile a masterpost of my ft4 tls and it’s… quite minimal actually #does ft4 really have such little content or am i just not very productive lmfaoooooo #wake me up when the ft4 novel drops👀👀👀 #to think that the ft4 filmxlive interview was the first thing i ever tled… how time flies… #inedible blubbering

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

If I’m offline for a little bit that is bc my dog is having some health issues

#u know ur online a little too much when u say hey guys don’t worry about me if I’m offline for a few days #he’s pretty old he’s going on 17 years this fall #he’s got some sort of old dog kidney disease #so if he gets better he’ll be better within a few days. and if not then he probably won’t #thankfully I am not in touch with my emotions ever so I can just take care of him without looming grief #which is good considering I was taking care of vet things with my mother and she was a mess. someone had to be put together I suppose #i mean. everyone’s pretty upset. but like. it’s my dog and somehow I’m the one who’s doing the best #i did my emotional control training in my youth I’m so good at it #i can make myself feel fine about anything with enough work. I’m trained #something something miserable when I was young so I have my own home remedy where I simply stop being sad #also. fun fact. if I make myself stop being upset the back of my throat really really hurts #like. u know how u feel when u get choked up? it’s similar to that but like. painful #but! physical pain is better than emotional pain and one pain medication exists for #this is not meant to be a post that makes u worry about me all things considered I’m doing quite well #also I think it’s really funny I’m out here like might go offline😔 #like fundamentally my best emotional work is done online right here and it’s probably gonna continue that way #I’m not a person who can just. go offline. i so deeply have to be like omg here is what is new #soup talks

[allsassnoclass]

guys i’m going to try so hard to have a fic out by the end of june i just need to edit it

#personal #the goal was to post a fic a month during the summer #and i have two that are done with the draft and just need to be edited #but it turns out that i didn't even have time to edit this weekend lol #went to go see a musical i quit insteaad #it was a good production! but i'm going to have more fun with newsies for sure #their technical elements were super impressive though #anyway. i am starting to miss writing a bit but i'm honestly too busy right now #8 hours at work a day plus 2-3 hours of rehearsal plus the long commute really does not leave much time lol #we'll see what happens but i have a fic i've been holding on to since february so i'll get that out #i'm just out of town next weekend so once again i won't have a lot of time #i'm managing my lack of time very well all things considering. we'll see how long it takes me to burn out!

[b0mblover]

Hate, in Every Sense of the Word.

By: J

major tws for; suicide mention, domestic abuse, abuse, sexual assult mention, murder mention, (really just alot of violence tbh) self harm mention

uh, sorry? that theres so many tws, ig also minor tw for mention of sex too.

uh haha i uh, can you tell what happened tonight? it wasnt even the worst one, just, im tired of it.

talk abt living out of spite bc mannnn, thats all i been going off of for a good while now!

i uh, i really wanna make a certain food bc um. (LOOK I WANNA MAKW A LESS OILY FUCKER OKAY) but my father is awake meaning my mother will be too soon but im scared to even go out of my room bc theyre prob gonna fighttt.

hhhrbd okok ill shut up for now, go ahead and read the angry jirou bullshit ig 😭

(oh yea, if it wasn’t obvious. im talking about my mother in this.)

——————————

yknow,

you havent been a great person

or a good one even.

yet you still question as to why i dont love you

or like you,

maybe you have an idea of how much i hate you.

maybe not

i dont really care about your feelings.

at all.

not now.

i put up with this for fucking 14 years.

my entire fucking life.

ive put up with your shit.

but now?

now im done.

you have no idea how badly you fucked up.

when he said that “im sorry im a fuck up” 

yknow.

he mightve not been right for what he did.

but,

it was just a mistake.

it was a goddamn mistake.

you have any idea how many times ive uttered those words too?

how many times ive repeated them?

how many times i fucking meant it?

just because you “had it bad” doesnt mean shit to me.

you have no goddamn right to treat others the same way.

dont give me that “i dont know how else to act!”

bullshit.

bullshit you dont.

you treated your damn boyfriend just fine!

you had a goddamn kid

you had two goddamn children.

with this man that you fucking DESPISE.

you knew it back then too.

you told me you did.

you fucking told me.

almost nothing can compare to the anger i feel to you right now.

nothing.

you have no right to act like that.

no.

you have no goddamn right to hit another fucking living being.

for such a simple mistake.

i dont care if he talked about it since friday.

i dont give a fuck if he talked about it for months.

you.

you as a goddamn human.

have no right.

none.

in the slighest.

to hit another living being.

for talking about something in your eyes “too much”

or making a mistake.

youre a hypocrite.

need i remind you?

you said that after you broke up with the man you were having an affair with.

that youd be a better person.

stop the fights.

stop the beatings.

stop all of it.

and everything would be okay!

.

i didn’t believe you for a goddamn millisecond.

youre a liar.

just how you said i was.

you didnt quit.

you didnt stop.

hell two months after you hit him again!

you threatened to kill him and yourself!

cmon.

dont you get it yet?

i fucking despise you.

maybe to a degree i feel shocked.

but.

i really dont think thats it.

youre the root of my problems.

every single last fucking one.

——————

need i remind you as how i had to learn to cook, because you were too busy with your damn boyfriend to help me?

.

need i remind you how when i tried to show you that i was fucking cutting myself when i was 9 you only talked about how it looked ugly?

.

need i remind you about how many times you said that you didnt care if i hurt myself as long as no one can see it?

.

need i remind you about how you ignored the rope burn on my neck god knows how many times?

.

need i remind you how you denied fucking multiple peoples sexual assault because “it couldntve been like that”?

.

need i remind you of how many times i almost had to be hospitalized because of your neglect?

.

need i remind you of how many nights i spent alone, in the cold, in the dead of winter, just because you wanted to fuck your boyfriend?

.

need i remind you of what you yelled at me so many times?

.

need i remind you of what i seen?

.

need i remind you of how many times you blamed your abusive behaviors on medication?

.

need i fucking remind you of my entire purpose?

.

i dont care about your feelings anymore.

i gave up years ago.

but now.

i dont feel just numb for you.

i hate you.

in every sense of the word.

.

i dont care of what you or anyone else thinks of me.

.

i dont care about what you think of my appearance.

.

i dont care if you think im too thin or fat or whatever word youll use next.

.

i dont care about what you think because you’ll hate me no matter what.

.

you thought id stop being xxxx when you broke up with him.

you yelled at me.

no.

you fucking screamed at me for weeks.

im tired of even putting in the slighest effort of acting as if i fucking care.

i dont give a fuck about you.

and yknow?

if.

no.

if it would work.

if it was possible.

id fucking kill you.

id stab you.

right here.

right now.

to end my suffering.

to end his suffering.

all of it.

id end it all.

i dont care if its wrong.

because i know no one else knows about whats going on.

yknow.

only one person around here knows what youve done to him and me.

and i havent even met her in person.

yknow.

the people i used to be close with from school.

only just learned you had an affair.

i know that.

the police are do-less.

since you know them.

and hes a man.

not a woman.

it wouldnt be taken seriously.

that he should just fight back.

yknow.

youve ruined what life he has left.

his parents beat him.

his ex wife beat him, and cheated on him.

and here.

youve done the exact same thing.

yknow.

he’ll never get to see how love truely is.

because of you.

because of what youve done.

i cant say i really like him either.

but.

that doesnt give you the right to ruin his life.

.

yknow whats worse?

how i know the only reason that so far youve never dared to lay a finger on me.

is because ive proved that i won’t hesitate to beat the fuck out of you right back.

i know i joke about that night.

but.

really.

hitting you for doing that was the best decision i couldve made.

its kept me safer than i wouldve been for years. 

and even now.

if you were to as so much to touch me.

while in a fight.

id do it all over again.

you maybe 100 pounds heavier than me.

but you dont know how to fight against someone who wont just sit there and take it.

i wont forgive you for what youve done.

even if he will.

.

i want nothing to do with you.

get out of my life for good.

#j writes badly #woohoo i just love living in a very fucked up house its soo great /sarcasm #ughnf whats worse is that if it werent for my parents rn my life would be quiet literally perfect. #holy shit the being pissed at my mother instead of destroying my arm thing is actually working irl holy shit #(actually shoked abt that tbh) #unironically i wanna make a less oily fuck rn. like so badly. bc my parents went to the store and got eggs so i can #oh yea for the new gen folk that dont know all of the j lore (this has been bothering me bc its coming up on the anniversary) #i know how to break someones fingers and make it look like an accident! #turns out theres a specific way thats more common in abuse versus accidents! #dont ask why i know this 🙂 (or do- it reallt doesnt bother me) (also not that i would- /gen) #this is basically me catching everyone up through j lore im not even kidding tbh #and yes. i have hit my mother before bc she wouldnt stop “playing” as i had hot ramen in my hands! #(look. it wasnt the best move at the time but uh. really saved me in the long run unironically!) #THERES FUCKING GEESE FLYING OVER MY HOUSE RN HOLY SHIT #sorry. uh. i cant help it tho. i heard them and it was cute #oh yea even MORE j lore; i have a mildly unhealthy obsession with “being stronger” because im consitently (and rightfully) #paranoid that my mother is gonna try and hit me! #when the whole 2020 chrismas thing (when i hit her) happened i had just got done wih archery so i was still pretty strong #but then eating disorder happened and i quit archery. muscle atrophy etc etc #so like. its a big ass thing i think abt every day now! #yea theres a real reason why i consider my friends as “safe” 💀 #heheheheeeeee when no where else is safe thats just life ig! #oh god i need to brush my teeth fuck. #hhvtbd but my mother is awake :( #HHGBHGBSNS i need to start doing that at an ealier time bc it keeps getting in the way of things #again. how the fuck does smth so simple as brushing my teeth make so much feel better 😭😭 its weird #sighh well! time to go back to trying to find drawing inspo! #(i unironically cannot use my own trauma as a drawing point bc it makes me actually suicidal. thats why i write it! /srs) #CHOKEKSSSJ ok ill hush now!

[woofety]

Aaaaaaand once again I am neglecting this place, it's not a big thing if not for the fact that I need to catch up with some messages that are dated months ago st this point, for that I feel awful 😣 I'm really sorry, the year didn't start in the best of ways (it would have been enough to be goodish, but not even that), problems keep accumulating and my mental health has been... that's just bad, like it hadn't been for quite some time, I mean I had worse times but I feel it has reached quite a low peak recently, and I'm not sure given the circumstances how soon it will be able to improve a bit...

#I wonder #I don't even know why I'm writing but I don't really have no one to talk to rn #and it's taking quite a toll on me #my friends (well more like one atm) have their lives and tbh I don't think they will ever understand me #my parents... well they're one of the reasons of me being a mess rn #today it's Father's day and I may have exchanged 10 words with my father in the last week #because I called him out for using an inappropriate tone with me during a discussion #almost yelling at me to speak up when I was trying to figure out what to say #after I had received news about yet another problem we have to face #not something I did btw - and apparently he cmgot offended because I accused him of having an authoritarian tone #which is not really new and I remarked it to him other times even if more gently #but he took an issue with that and apparently I'm the one who has to apologize for speaking out of term #for having said just that? I might as well have insulted him #and my mother sided with him - once more I'm being reminded that I'm alone for now and if I want support #I can only count on myself because nobody in my life is going to give it to me #I'm alone and until I hopefully find at least better friends I have to take care of myself on my own #I'll get used to it like I've been trying ro do in the past years but it's taking such a toll on me lately #among the stupid things I've been considering with all these situations piling #I might have just to pay someone to speak with me at some point to have some sort of release from all this #family is not an option to talk and true friends are a mirage so there's that #I'm ranting rn and I'm going to delete this eventually because what's the point but whatever