#so future me is left trying to string things together but this time i didn't even take that many pictures

[tardytothesimspardy]

Clubs

(Perks include but are not limited to random teenagers playing music while you shower at the gym)

In an effort to both utilize pre-existing clubs, and furthering their careers, Robert and Mags have joined clubs. This idea was planted in Robert's head after he went with a friend to the gym for a late night workout, and his friend promptly bailed, leaving him to shoot hoops alone.

Part of the joy of playing a game is the cheering and applause from others when you get a point. At least, Robert thinks so. He applied to join the "Powerhouse" club, which seemed promising right off the bat, seeing as they had a dumbbell as their icon. Very to the point.

After inviting the club leader, an elderly Marcus Flex, to his house, Robert showed off any and all reasons that he would be a great fit to the club.

Marcus didn't really need convincing, he just made a club for people who can't really exercise unless they do it as a group, but it was an interesting way to spend an evening.

Within a few meetings, Robert also invited a coworker, Morgan Park, to the club. She's a bona fide gym rat, so she couldn't refuse.

Having the club meetings at the gym did help his work performance, and he was able to get a promotion to a Minor Leaguer, a raise that was appreciated by everyone.

Mags joined the Upper Crusts, which came with the benefit of a bunch of people making food for her, so that there was lots of leftovers in the fridge for times that she was exhausted from work and wanted to eat something before going to sleep. The extra company was nice as well; for some reason Mags doesn't know nearly as many people as Robert does, so chances for her to meet new people are welcome.

After meeting Clara Bjergsen, Mags got very sentimental, wishing that Bob had some kind of grandmotherly figure in his life, which is something she basically shoved onto Clara, rather awkwardly.

It's a little difficult to maneuver the club meetings, their jobs, and taking care of Bob, but hopefully it's worth it, at the end of the day.

Robert woke up one day and quite literally chose violence, because he wanted to become enemies with some random Sim that I've never seen before, but I guess in the time when I was playing the Simovitchs, he managed to get a negative relationship with someone. And so, I figured out where the guy lived, had Robert stop by, and promptly start arguing with him about anything, in his own house, and then started a fistfight.

After winning the fistfight, Robert declared this random Sim his enemy, and went home to enjoy time with his family.

In some ways, it's probably a good thing that there isn't a police force in The Sims the way there is in real life, because this entire ordeal would have 100% gotten Robert Newbie in some sort of trouble. Aggravated assault at least. Instead, he ended the day confident, and happy that he was able to complete a want. He doesn't have blood on his hands, but he definitely has bruises.

Speaking of completing wants, it was soon New Year's Eve. It was an incredibly uneventful one, no parties or notable gatherings. Literally the only pictures I have about it are from the countdown.

(if you see tiny little baby legs behind mags in the last picture, bob fell asleep on the floor in classic sims style, because mags and robert were too preoccupied with the countdown)

#this is a little disjointed because i played this a few days back? #more like around ten days ago #once again i did that thing where i play and take pictures but don't make any posts #so future me is left trying to string things together but this time i didn't even take that many pictures #past me is really trying to get future me and present me is not a fan #ts4 #the sims 4 #simblr #the sims 4 gameplay #the sims 4 screenshots #the sims 4 legacy #sims 4 #ts4 gameplay #the newbies #the brokes #images have alt text

[savannahsdeath]

A little req for you!! readers and katniss’s first kiss???

-💫

warnings: none, pure fluff 🫶 reader calls katniss "kat" two times because . yes . also this is v shitty but im tired and uhhhh

she came back from the games two days ago. the emotions are still boiling but you want to spend every second together. she won and you knew what it means - no one can take her away from you now.

you are on the meadow, sitting on the dew covered grass. a dark forest, in which katniss used to hunt, extends on your left. you can hear birds' songs echoing from there.

"i should have brought a blanket." you sigh as your dress uncovers your bare legs, letting the wet green strands tickle your thighs.

"it's okay." katniss chuckles and takes off her jacket. "stand up."

you do as you're told, your skirt waving from the sudden move. she stretches her cloth on the grass and motions for you to sit down on it.

"thank you." you smile and it's probably your first genuine smile since she got reaped. not counting the last two days, of course. you smiled a lot during them.

a minute of comfortable silence passes as you both watch the blue sky in front of you. the dark forest behind you doesn't matter, you only care about what's in front of you. just like in real life, you think. the past is the past. now is the time for the future.

"surprised?" katniss softly asks, as if she's scared to break the silence.

you knit your eyebrows together and tilt your head to look at her. "about what?"

she looks down. "about me coming back."

you can't tell if she's being serious or not, so you take a moment to think, before you burst out laughing. "you can't be serious! katniss, i knew you'll win."

"oh," she smiles, "you believed in me?"

"no, no..." you begin explaining. "i was just— sure. you're really good at playing with people's hearts - the capitol's, the districts', mine..."

"yours?" her eyes widen.

you shrug. "what happened between you and peeta-"

"nothing happened between me and peeta" she shakes her head. "we were just trying to survive."

"really?" you turn your whole body to her and she quickly follows your move.

"really." she giggles. "you thought... me and him...?"

"forget it." you wave your hand, a little embarrassed by your accusation.

no matter how much you didn't want to admit it, you always had a crush on katniss. they way she kept giving you mixed signals didn't help at all - in fact, it felt like your brain melted and she's stirring in your head, mixing your mind. what you thought you once knew stood with a big, question mark now.

and peeta, god, peeta. he was a good guy, you had to admit. funny, nice, smart, clever as hell. yet, you couldn't help but dislike him. hate would be too much, but you felt so, so jealous, you couldn't help but be skeptical. at first, you were sure he will betray her. you waited for this moment, as you knew she would end him with one arrow. but nothing happened. now...

now, sometimes you just wish he would actually end up being an asshole. so the whole panem wouldn't cheer nor applaud for their wedding.

your hair fall down your face. "i wish i was him" you think, snatching a strand of grass and nervously playing with it.

"you wish you would have to fight in the arena?" her eyebrows furrow, a look of pure confusion on her face. she leans in and tucks some of your hair behind your ear, revealing your features.

you realise you thought out loud and she heard your little wish. but at this point, it doesn't even bother you. she should know.

"no, kat." you throw the string away. "i wish we would have our moment."

you expected something bad to happen. maybe she'll think you took things too far and just... run away? she could stand up and leave you there at any moment. could you blame her? maybe she just loves peeta.

but she chuckles, and as you look up at her, she is smiling. you have no idea what's going on, though you can't help but smirk back as you see her so amused.

"what?" you giggle and your gaze drifts downwards.

"nothin', you're just—" she raises one of her arms and taps your chin, making you look back at her. at her lips, to be exact. she keeps herself sitting up by leaning on her free hand, until she moves this one too to cup your face. "we have our fifteen seconds of fame now."

the intensity of her voice makes your whole body tremble, all your emotions falling to the background, as everything that is in the foreground is just you and her. yet you can feel your confusion rise and you manage to huff out a quiet; "isn't it fifteen minutes?"

"well, can you hold your breath for fifteen minutes?" she whispers back.

before you can comprehend whatever she meant by that, you feel her lips press against yours. you instinctively whimper, but the sound get catched in the bridge of your tongues, inaudible to anyone but you two. the birds seem to stop singing, the crickets pause their ticking. she starts gently and carefully, as if to see if you won't pull away. you only bring her closer by her neck, what also forces a soft moan out of her.

eventually katniss breaks the kiss but doesn't pull away, so you can still feel and hear her breath. she closes her parted mouth to gulp before opening them again, while her body slowly moved where it was earlier, about half a meter distance from you.

"kat—" you trail after her, wanting to get more of the feeling.

she tsks and shakes her head. "fifteen seconds, remember?"

✧˖°

#⭑ ָ࣪ ۰ ꒰ 💫 ꒱ ָ࣪ ۰⭑ #sav w anons ૮꒰ྀི⸝⸝> . <⸝⸝꒱ྀིა #reqs open #katniss everdeen x reader #katniss x reader #the hunger games katniss #katniss everdeen #thg katniss #the hunger games #thg fanfiction #thg #katniss x you #katniss everdeen x you

[venuslcver]

HIGH BY THE BEACH ⋆

pairing: boyfriend!pope x carefreekook!reader

synopsis: your boyfriend, pope, and you had been together for a while when he changes his mind about not going to college.

tw: fluff, implied sex, profanity (no use of y/n)

any type of interaction including likes, comments, and reblogs is appreciated! but ultimately not necessary. let me know if im missing any warnings!

“ok, baby! which one should i wear? this one or thissss one?” you questioned pope, holding two of your swimsuits in a display manner. one was a lilac-colored string bikini, the other being a cheeky, polka-dot one-piece.

you could never make a final decision for the life of you, only leaving it up to pope for his opinion. though, pope had known you long enough to know, whichever item you tend to show last was the option you had in mind. hell — most of the time you don’t even know that you prefer one option more than the others.

you wanted to wear the left one, pope concluded. no matter if it was clothing, makeup, nail color, or decor-related. not actually having input into the choices, he usually would just coax the answer out of you. it made it easier on him, besides he didn't give a fuck what you wore, because well... he would still find you beautiful dressed as the grinch. which you did a couple halloweens previously.

“uh… i don’t know — which one is more comfortable?” he asked, putting you on the spot, hoping to get an honest answer out of you.

clicking your tongue to the roof of your mouth in deep thought — lifting each and inspecting it. trying to remember if it was uncomfortable or not the last time you wore it.

“well i… mean. huh. why is this so hard?” you said truly debating both options. making your final answer, “i would probably go with the right one being more comfortable”

“probably… and i’m just sayin’ this as a thought…maybe it’s hard because you have too many swimsuits”

letting out an obnoxiously high-pitched scoff, you halted your attention from the bathing suit debacle to pope, who was leisurely laid back on your rope hammock swing that you had in your room. you never took kindly to anyone, including pope, criticizing your inability to get rid of things, especially your bathing suits.

“firstly, i don’t have too many swimsuits, and one could never have too many of them. secondly, even if i did — how could that possibly affect my ability to pick a swimsuit?”

awkwardly looking at you, pope reluctantly replied, “you can’t keep up with all of them, making you not even remember the last time you wore them… and the last time you chose the right one, you were complain���n the entire time”

ignoring his truthful statement altogether, you thought for a moment. he was right. the previous time, you ended up bitch’n the whole time about having to hold the straps of the one piece to avoid flashing innocent bystanders on the beach. which was the worst, considering the excitement that you experienced when in the water. flailing around without a care in the world.

a light switched when you came to this realization, noticing that you were rather harsh with your poor boyfriend, who did not deserve that in the slightest.

“oh my god! you are right!”, you said squealing, right into hugging pope’s sitting body.

taking his face into your hands, before hugging him again, “i’m so sorry baby! you know i didn’t mean that, right?”

staying firm in the hug, while he pulled himself out of the hammock, “yeah, yeah i know you didn’t mean it.”, pope said brushing your rudeness off. you and him rarely argued, and if you did, you were talking within the next half hour, easily.

looking up at him with doe eyes, and an innocent cast appearing on your profile. an all-knowing look that pope was very familiar with. one of the ways that pope and you were able to get over any kind of tiff was by admitting to being wrong and taking the proper steps to apologize.

for example, this one time pope got all panicked at the future and started freaking the fuck out. which led him to harboring that he was in the wrong and mishandled the situation at hand. before slipping his hand into you. well... two fingers but either way! pope was giving in that way, regularly lending a helping hand to you when in need. it wasn't an obligation as much as a want. you and pope were alike in that way. always willing to put others first.

"c-can i make it up to you?"

sooner than later making it to the intended place of hanging out, the local beach on the outer banks. looking into the surrounding area in your eyesight, the beach was practically empty. a lot of spring-breakers had vacated the week before. having access to almost a completely bare beach.

you helped pope set up on the beach, before laying horizontally on his vertically propped-up body.

pressing a kiss on the crown of your head, that was in his lap. when he did the leaning down motion, you pushed the pineapple in your hand, to his lips. silently urging him to take a bite. to which he did.

immediately snickering when it ran down his face, halting laughter when it dripped onto yours. lucky that the acidic fruit juices didn't collect in your eyes. either way, pope was quick to wipe it off your face.

oftentimes, pope and you were silent when hanging out. you wouldn't per say it was a con, because it was due to being around each other every second, when not at work. though, when pope's dad, heyward, was short-staffed, you would offer a lending hand. taking a couple shifts, with pope. even, visiting each other at work.

along with packing an array of fruits to snack on, you also brought a weed. one of the conversations you had meant to bring up was the future.

pope was wicked smart, at least, school-wise. his choice of friends was questionable. and as much as you love your shared friends— they tend to be dumbasses. pulling pope down to their level. to which, a couple foul decisions led pope to not attend college— as he previously intended.

one late night, he admitted that he felt like "all the work he put in was sliding down the drain". which riddled you with resentment towards your friends. not that you cared what pope did. only that he was happy— which he wasn't at all for a passing time.

"pope? can i ask you something?"

"yeah— what's up?"

"d-do you have any idea what you want?"

"what i want?", pope asked, not understanding the question at hand.

"want for the future?"

looking at you bewildered, pope had no idea where the loaded question came from.

"uh — besides being with you, i have no clue.", a tinge of sadness rolled off his tongue.

grinning at his, rather, romantic proclamation, "o-ok, well, um i was expecting a little bit more of an answer, b-but that works for me"

"i-i'm worried... like really worried", he admitted.

coming off your high, out of your own fantasy land— that was induced by his heartfelt statement, "why?!"

still supporting his weight with one arm, he took the other and rubbed his face, "why shouldn't i be? i-i mean i was going to go to college, b-but now I'm just working at my dad's restaurant"

pope tended to self-destruct when his fears kicked in, sending him into overdrive. sitting up, looking at him directly in the face, "h-hey don't say that! one, you know that your dad would not keep you unless you were working your ass off! you're like the smartest person i know, out of anyone in outer banks, or hell, anywhere! a-and we'll figure it out."

set on helping understand that he and you would be good, you pulled a small baggie out of your beach bag, "ok?"

"o-okay"

"now, let's get high. and forget about everything, ever."

although he wasn't completely sure, he knew that you would stay by him, meaning he would be completely fine. if the world ended that day, he wouldn't have cared as long as he had you. well, and he would prefer if he had the other pogues and his parents.

#pope heyward #obx #outer banks #pope obx #pope hayward x reader #pope x reader #pope heyward prompt #pope heyward x reader #pope heyward fanfiction #pope heyward smut #pope heyward x y/n #⋆ pope heyward fic ⋆ #boyfriend!pope

[gingiesworld]

Love is Gone

Natasha Romanoff x GN! Reader

Warnings: Angst. Unhappy ending

18+ MINORS DNI

AN: Thank you guys for 1k followers. So this is here in celebration for you awesome people. Also I don't think I can move away from writing sad Nat fics.

Both Y/N and Natasha lay side by side on their once shared bed. The closet door was open as Nat's clothes were all being packed away, along with her belongings. The argument leading up to this moment still clear as day in both of their minds.

Then

The two walked inside the apartment, a heavy tension surrounding the two as Y/N kept replaying the words they had heard her say to one of her closest friends at a party. Nat watched as Y/N headed towards the fridge to grab a beer before they turned to face her.

"So are you going to keep stringing me along or put me out of my misery." They asked her calmly as they took a sip of their beer.

"Y/N." Nat started but Y/N just laughed at her, seeing how she was trying so hard to save herself.

"You know how you made me look to our friends? You made me seem unloveable." Y/N stated as they placed the bottle down on the counter. "Even hearing you say it to them when you thought I wouldn't hear. Were you ever going to tell me?"

"I don't know." Nat started as they just nodded. "I guess I was comfortable in what we have and I didn't want to lose that."

"But you don't love me anymore." They stated dryly. "That's what you told Wanda. You told her you care about me more as a friend."

"I just." Nat tried to think of ways to take it all back as her heart beat loudly in her ears. "I can't explain it but I don't feel the same as I used to."

"So just end it! Don't string me along thinking that we have a future together!" They yelled. "Don't keep this going up to the point I buy a ring and get down on one knee!"

"You were going to propose?" She whispered as Y/N pulled the small box from their pocket and placed it on the side.

"I was going to do it tonight, when we got home." They told her. "I had a plan for it all but now that isn't needed and saves me a headache." They chuckled dryly.

"I'm so sorry Y/N." She whispered as they nodded before heading towards their room with her on their heels. She watched as they grabbed her luggage and started to pack her bags.

"It's done now." They stated as they focused on the task at hand. "We're done so you don't have to keep pretending to care about me."

"Y/N." She reached for their hand that remained on the zipper. "Lay with me. One last time."

Now

It was hours as Y/N looked into her eyes, remembering how different they seem to them now. They used to find love and peace whenever they used to gaze into them, but now all they feel is despair and pain.

"Where will you go?" They asked her, even though their heart is breaking, they still worry about her.

"Yelena's." She told them as she reached for their face. Her fingers tracing their features as it took everything within them not to flinch under her touch. "Just until I can get my own place."

"Good." Y/N whispered as they moved to lay on their back. "We should finish packing your things." Nat watched as they got up and continued their task. It was pressing on 4am when they had finished packing. The ring still sat on the kitchen counter as Y/N moved to lay on the sofa, leaving the bed for Natasha. The two lay staring at the ceiling as the morning wore on, neither sleeping before Y/N had left. Leaving Natasha to pack her car before she headed to stay with her sister for the unforseeable future.

"So she's gone?" Bucky questioned as he stood with Y/N who had decided to redecorate all of a sudden.

"Yup." They told him. "And I am decorating."

"You were going to propose." He stated as he held the ring box in his hands.

"Last night after the party. I had it all planned Buck." They told him. "I had the roof set up and I was going to do it when we came home. Under the stars but I heard her, everything she said about me. Everything about not loving me. She still cares about me as a friend but she doesn't love me."

"Y/N, maybe you should give yourself time." He suggested as Y/N shook their head no.

"I can't do that, we have the same friends Buck. We will still see each other and I am asking for a transfer. Out of state." They told him before turning to finish their task at hand. "I need to leave New York and move on and I can't move on here."

"But what about the rest of us?" He asked them sadly.

"I'm going to rent to Peter, he is just starting school and it's a good price for him and I will still have my room here for when I visit." They told him. "Especially for yours and Steve's wedding." They smirked as he shook his head.

Once Y/N had left New York, word had gotten to Nat who had started to feel guilty. Everything that she used to love about the state had started to suffocate her. Even her sister was disappointed in her with how she led Y/N on.

"It's my fault they've left." Nat stated as she sat on her sister's sofa. "I ran them out of the city."

"Yeah it is your fault." Yelena agreed. "Maybe if you were honest to the both of you, they would still be here."

"I know." Nat whispered as she covered her face with her hands.

As the months went on, Y/N had settled in the new office in California. What they never expected was to run into an old face they hadn't seen since that night. The two had soon started to talk as she stayed in California, helping with her parents cafè.

Even though Y/N had thought that they wouldn't be happy again, they started to feel whole again with the more time they spent with her, they started to fall for her.

"Are you going back to New York for Bucky's wedding?" She asked them as they walked through the streets of LA.

"Of course." They confirmed with a smile. "He is my best friend." They stopped their movements as they turned to face her. "Would you be my date?" They asked her. "I know this may seem sudden but I just, I really like you Wanda and being here with you has been like a breath of fresh air."

"I would love to be your date." She told them with a bright smile and a kiss upon their cheek before they walked her home. Even as the wedding came closer, Y/N and Wanda had spent most of their spare time together. Even sharing their first kiss on her doorstep, leaving the two blushing as she went inside.

So as they entered the venue, Wanda gave their hand a squeeze. She knew of their feelings about New York but she knew they would never let their friend down, regardless of their feelings.

"Are you ok?" Wanda whispered as the two soon spotted a now red head.

"Yeah." Y/N gave her a genuine smile. "I am great actually." Wanda kissed their lips softly before the ceremony begun. Watching as their best friend married his soul mate, a smile on their face at the happy union. Even as their eyes met those green eyes they used to love, they didn't feel pain or despair. There was no longing or love. Their was nothing really, they never felt anything towards Natasha, not anymore. At the realisation, they kissed Wanda's head as the newly weds walked down the aisle arm in arm as everyone applauded.

"That was beautiful." Wanda told them with a smile.

"It was." They heard Natasha speak from behind them. "So, you two are together?" She questioned as Y/N smiled tenderly at Wanda.

"We are." They answered her question. "Going on three months now."

"You both look happy." Nat observed as the two nodded. Wanda went away to get some drinks, leaving the two exes together.

"You know, I was worried about seeing you again, I thought all of that pain would return when I saw you." Y/N started as they looked Natasha in the eye. "But I don't feel anything. I truly have moved on from you, even if I thought it would be impossible to do, but I have Wanda and I am falling for her."

"Do you see a future with her like you did me?" Nat questioned.

"Not like I did you." Y/N told her. "I actually see Wanda and I growing old together. Having a family together. I see a future set in stone with her. I never had that with you. I only ever saw marrying you and nothing more."

"I'm happy for you both." Nat swallowed dryly. "Just make sure you both make each other happy." With that, she walked away as Wanda was making her way with the drinks. In that moment, she knew that there was no love left between the old lovers, just distant memories of what used to be.

#natasha romanoff imagine #natasha marvel #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff au #wanda fanfic #wanda marvel #wanda maximoff #bucky barnes #yelena boleva #1k followers

[fullstcp]

"Future Nostalgia" by Dua Lipa Sentence Starters

FUTURE NOSTALGIA

"I wanna change the game."

"I know you're dying trying to figure me out."

"My name's on the tip of your tongue, keep running your mouth."

"No matter what you do, I'm gonna get it without ya."

"Can't be a rolling stone if you live in a glass house."

"I can't build you up if you ain't tough enough."

DON'T START NOW

"Did the heartbreak change me? Maybe."

"But look at where I ended up."

"I'm all good already."

"So moved on, it's scary."

"I'm not where you left me at all."

"Don't start caring about me now."

"Walk away, you know how."

"Aren't you the guy who tried to hurt me with the word 'goodbye'?"

"Thought it took some time to survive you, I'm better on the other side."

COOL

"Guess I never had a love like this."

"You got me losing all my cool."

"I love the way you move."

"I like us better when we're intertwined."

"My love makes you brand new."

PHYSICAL

"Common love isn't for us."

"We created something phenomenal. Don't you agree?"

"You got me feeling diamond rich."

"Nothing on this planet compares to it."

"Who needs to go to sleep when I got you next to me?"

"I know you got my back and you know I got you."

"Love the simulation we're dreaming in."

"I don't wanna live another life cause this one's pretty nice."

LEVITATING

"If you wanna run away with me, I know a galaxy and I can take you for a ride."

"If you're feeling like you need a little bit of company, you met me at the perfect time."

"You want me, I want you."

"I believe that you're for me."

"I see us written in the stars."

"I feel like we're forever every time we get together."

"You can fly away with me tonight."

"Let me take you for a ride."

PRETTY PLEASE

"Somewhere in the middle, I think I lied a little."

"I know that I seem a little stressed out, but you're here now."

"Hate it when you love me unattended."

"I miss ya, and I need your love."

"When my mind is running wild, could you help me slow it down?"

"Put my mind at ease."

"Would you help me out, please?"

HALLUCINATE

"I'ma love you like a fool. Breathe you in 'til I hallucinate."

"I can make it pretty, I could string you along."

"I couldn't live without your touch."

"I could never have too much."

"I'll breathe you in forever and ever."

"I'm losing my mind."

"I hallucinate when you call my name."

"Put you in my hall of fame, middle of the wall."

"You're my one, my favorite, my ride or die."

"Wanna be right where you are."

"Let's go dancing in the dark."

"Kill me slowly with your kiss."

"Make me lose my mind."

LOVE AGAIN

"I never thought that I would find a way out."

"I can't believe there's something left in my chest anymore."

"Goddamn, you got me in love again."

"I used to think that I was made out of stone."

"Show me heaven's right here."

"Never have I ever met somebody like you."

"Used to be afraid of love and what it might do."

"I'd rather die than have to live in a storm like before."

"I can't believe I finally found someone."

"You're the one that I want."

"I'm not afraid anymore."

"We're in love."

BREAK MY HEART

"I've always been the one to say the first goodbye."

"You say my name like I have never heard before."

"I'm indecisive, but this time, I know for sure."

"I hope I'm not the only one that feels it all."

"Are you falling?"

"You know you can get whatever you want from me."

"I'm afraid of all the things it could do to me."

"I was doing better alone."

"When you said 'Hello', I knew that was the end of it all."

"Now there ain't no letting you go."

"Am I falling in love with the one that could break my heart?"

"I wonder, when you go, if I stay on your mind."

"Everyone before you was a waste of time."

GOOD IN BED

"You love to disappoint me, don't ya?"

"You tell me what I want, but ain't no follow through."

"If you only knew me the way you know my body."

"I've been thinking it'd be better if we didn't know each other."

"Got me thinking it'd be better if we didn't stay together."

BOYS WILL BE BOYS

"Isn't it funny how we laugh it off to hide our fear when there's nothing funny here?"

"Boys will be boys, but girls will be women."

#rp memes #rp starters #rp prompts #rp lyric meme #lyric starters #lyric prompts #sentence starters #roleplay prompts #roleplay starters #not the old me. 2.0 me. no it's all of meme combined (ask meme) #when there was me and queue (queue)

[the-present-is-a-gift-au]

Chapter 36: In Which Twig Is Put Back Together

I told them everything. And I did it crying harder than I thought was mortally possible, Twig scratched onto the pages of a hardcover journal. I blabbed everything and I did it while dribbling all over them both. I think they were more grossed out by the dribbling part than the ‘me indirectly killing an entire bunker of people’ part. I tried the same garbage as always to argue my point that it was my fault, and Celebi looked ready to slap me. I think she honestly might have if Dusknoir didn't grab her midair and walk her away in his hand. It's a good thing he did, because I started crying even harder when Grovyle said something like he's glad I survived the fire and Kip gave me the saddest look ever. He started crying too. I don't think anyone should see two people bawling their eyes out and clinging to each other like we were. It was kind of gross. If Dusknoir and Celebi stayed to watch, I might have died of shame. Grovyle being there was hard enough. 

The Future Trio stayed over for a while longer at Kip's place. There was a lot of talking that happened, and I honestly don't remember a lot of it. I should have written it down as it happened. Basically it was just people talking circles about how they couldn't believe I thought they hated me and how I meant a lot to them. I think I fell asleep mid-sentence at one point because I was so worn out from the crying. I'm never crying again. The one time during the hug was okay— it was fitting. But Celebi gave me an English dictionary before they all packed up and left, and I didn't even realize I was crying until she was grabbing for tissues. That felt pretty ridiculous. It's just a book. But it almost felt like she’d given me a drink of water the night I left my bunker behind. Dunno how to say it in a normal way, but it helped me feel better. 

It's a real one. She found a real Oxford Language Dictionary. It's missing pages and dogeared to heck and back, but Arceus, this thing is like my baby. I keep taking it off the shelf just to hold it in my hands. I'm sure she had to have pulled some strings with Dialga to bring something like this back from the past or future or whatever, but she kept saying it wasn't any problem to get. Judging by the look Grovyle gave her, it was a big problem to get, but I'm glad she went through it to give it to me. There’s even etymology included for a lot of the words in it. Pronunciations and everything. It's gold. 

What else to say… When Dusknoir said to try keeping a journal, I didn't think it would be so hard to decide what to write! As always, his ideas are annoying and weirdly effective. It does feel like I'm not as frazzled now that I'm writing regularly. What else to include, though… 

Kip asked me if I wanted to move back in with him. I tried to, but I actually got homesick for Verdant Village after a while. We decided to just keep a room open for each other at each of our places so that we can crash at either house whenever we want to. He loves the library in Verdant Village whenever he comes over. I'm pretty sure the Swadloon that runs it has a crush on him, but I don't think he knows. I'm eager to see how long it takes for him to realize it. 

I finally took up Gardevoir on her offers to have me over for dinner. Lyra never fails to show off some new toy or trinket to me whenever I come visit. At first I thought that she just wanted to talk to someone new about her things, but it clicked for me the other day that she wanted to talk to me in particular about them. That… um. It was weird. Nice, but really weird. She's a good kid. 

I wonder if Manaphy is old enough to visit Treasure Town by now… I need to figure out how to contact Walrein. It's hard to send letters underwater, I think, but I'll figure something out. 

She set the journal aside and stretched her arms and back, rolling her shoulders as she stood up from the writing desk Kip had begged her to buy. It was more than worth the investment. She was never writing using the floor as a table again. Her entry for the day written, she stepped out into the warm sunlight trickling between the leaves overhead and started her usual routines. She chopped firewood, she brought water in from the spigot at the edge of her property to wash the dishes from last night, she went to the market and got some peppers that seemed like something fun to try cooking with. It was her day off between running her shop and going dungeon delving, so she decided to go for a walk like usual to kill time before she'd need to meet up with Gallade for Lyra's exploration lessons. 

The hiking trails were well-kept in Verdant Village, sometimes to the point of being better maintained than the main roads that people traveled through town with. Twig had discovered a number of real hidden gems since she'd moved back in, and she made use of them as often as possible. 

Oddly enough, apparently Darkrai frequented the trail she was on right then as well. 

She hadn't seen him since the day she bore her soul to everyone she'd been keeping secrets from. He'd vanished somewhere between their argument and the hug that sent her spiraling head first into all the heartbreak she'd been refusing to acknowledge, and he hadn't shown his face in the months after. Celebi kept in touch with him via telepathy and responded to Twig's occasional request for an update on where the heck is this guy and what the heck is he doing by saying that he was doing some traveling and thinking. Twig could believe the thinking bit— Darkrai was calculating and cautious, and Ark was analytical and prone to deliberation— but really? Traveling? It seemed strange to imagine the Legend as being a globetrotter all of a sudden. But then again, he had taken in all the sights on the way to Cresselia’s mountain with such awe and enthusiasm that it was easier to imagine him enjoying that sort of thing than she thought it should be. 

He was supposed to be traveling. He was supposed to be on some sort of quest of soul-searching and pondering. But here he was, several yards off the path, hidden in the foliage and tucked within the shadows. 

“Dude,” Twig eloquently began, “I can see you.”

There was a moment of hesitation before he rose from the shadows, plainly bewildered by her ability to pick him out amongst the dappled shade of the trail. 

She sighed. “You're still you–shaped when you do that. You mess up the rest of the shadows around you. And you're… I dunno how to put it, your shadow is noisy, I guess. If that even makes sense.” 

He hummed a low note. 

“I don't think I ever thanked you for what you did. Um. I appreciate it. Or at least I do now.”

He narrowed his eyes. “What do you have to thank me for?”

“Ark, I'm not stupid. It was pretty obvious looking back on things that you waited until I was in earshot of the gang to start really getting under my skin with what you asked me. If you hadn't, and if they hadn't overheard me chewing you out for it, I probably wouldn't have said anything to anyone about…” She waved a hand. “It's because you did that that I've been doing better, even if it's indirectly.”

“I see.”

“So, uh… How you been?” 

“Well enough,” he answered, and did not elaborate. 

She frowned. “Cool. Have you seen anything neat on your travels?”

“Many things.” 

“Many, huh? Stuff like…?”

“Nothing leaps to mind.”

He's way less chatty now. Weird. “When…” She leaned against a tree opposite to him and fidgeted with her hands, trying to summon the courage to ask him a question that had been eating away at her for months. “When did your memories come back?”

He gave her a wary look. “Why this interest?”

“I've had some other stuff come back for me while you were gone. I wanted to ask so I could get an idea of what's triggering their returns. It seems random at times.” 

Darkrai looked away for a moment, hackles raising. “It was… on the expedition we embarked on. You took a hit intended for myself. I recalled a young human doing the same for a grovyle, and somehow understood that it was you in the memory, though that was only the first to return.”

“The first—? You really only remembered that one snippet?”

“It was in bits and pieces that the entirety of my memory returned; a gradual process. Your rejection of my request to join Team Venture was when everything fell into place and I understood what the scattered recollections meant.”

That gave her pause. “You knew then? And you didn't say anything until I totally healed up from my leg getting broken?”

“It was… difficult to reconcile the perceptions I had of you. On the one hand, you were an adversarial nuisance who foiled my every effort to achieve anything. On the other, you had showed me a care I had not received in living memory and given me a new perspective.”

Huh. Celebi wasn't kidding about me changing his mind. Wonder how I managed that. “I can get that. It took me a bit to get used to the idea of you being so different when Cresselia first met you.”

He gave her a vicious glare, cold and poisonous. 

“Calm down. I'm not going to let anything slip about your past, especially when you haven't blabbed about mine. Thanks for that, by the way. Dunno if I could've handled Dark Crater if you had said anything back then.”

His glare twitched, venomousness flickering as it gave out into something softer, though schooled by an uneasy sternness. “My failure to blab did not come from a place of kindness at that point. It was leverage I didn't intend to give up. Surely you can grasp that.”

“I can. Doesn't change the fact you didn't say anything before I did.”

Silence. Leaves brushed together in quiet whispers as the wind passed through the treetops. The air was heavy around them. Twig could smell rain on its way. 

“I'm sorry,” he finally said, and Twig realized she hadn't been able to pick out the mournful crease of his brow or the barely noticeable desperation in his posture when she first met him in Mount Travail all that time ago. Before, he was practically unreadable to her. Now she was able to see the nervous twitch in his fingers, the hesitancy in his volume. He’d always seemed so closed-off in her mind’s eye, but he had swiftly become an open book, given time. 

She blinked, taken aback by his words. The shame in them, the disgust with himself— it was obvious he wasn't apologizing only for holding her past as leverage, and it was an apology he didn't expect to be accepted. 

“Hey.” She punched him in the arm, earning a startled grunt. “You got somewhere to stay?”

He squinted at her. “No.”

“I've got a bunch of spare rooms if you're down.” 

“If I'm—?” His eyes widened, then narrowed. “You're making fun of me.”

“Not in the slightest.”

“I…” He tilted his head slightly, looking like he was trying to pick out a seed of sarcasm he was convinced lay in her words. “If you're certain it is well with you.”

She nodded as a sense of heaviness lifted from her. Somehow, a weight she'd been carrying was taken away by those words. “I'm gonna finish my hike. Let's walk and talk; Celebi made it sound like you saw every corner of the globe and I want to hear the highlights.”

She started off down the path,  Darkrai falling into her wake as she passed. “Globes don't have corners. Not having corners is the entire purpose of a globe.” He sighed. “I suppose I could enlighten you. There was a number of locations you’d likely have found interesting. One in particular had a population that prided themselves on preserving a number of human words and phrases in their daily language…”

Twig enjoyed going for walks alone. It turned out she like to go for walks with company even more. 

***

Life was surprisingly mundane despite Twig having a Legend for a roommate. Darkrai insisted that Twig fill her house up with a more typical amount of furnishings, and Twig asked him what exactly she should fill the empty rooms with. He was at a loss and didn't answer. She had her suspicions that he hadn't been in many homes before, but didn't push him on the subject. She eventually figured out she'd been living almost exclusively out of her living room and that the numerous guest rooms in the back of the house were actually a study, a bedroom, and a pair of guest rooms, and that she should probably populate them with the proper furniture accordingly. Given time, Gardevoir no longer looked like she was going to have a conniption whenever she visited, and Twig was actually kind of proud of the decor she put together. 

It was during the evening as she looked over a bookcase she'd arranged a few books and keepsakes on, and she thought that she liked how she'd done it, that it occurred to her that this was the first time she could remember feeling proud of herself without any strings attached. She just liked how she'd angled a potted plant next to a stack of books. That was all. There was no baggage of doing it to make up for her being worthless or an awful, burdensome person— she'd simply done it for her own sake, and she liked what she'd done. That felt… weird. It felt weird, and scary in a number of ways. But she didn't run from it. She doubled down on her newfound pleasure in filling her home with pretty things. 

It was dumb to take so much joy in something so stupid. She didn't even have any system she used to decorate— she just stuck things where they looked nice with no rhyme or reason or even color palette to keep the baubles cohesive in their looks. It was dumb. But it was something that made her happy. It wasn't her usual kind of happy, either. This wasn't a flashbang of cheerfulness that faded fast and left her empty— it was quiet and warmed her bones even in the dead of night when she fought herself to get over her anxiety and insomnia and just sleep. 

It was easier to fight her insomnia hearing someone else moving about the house at night. Ark was quiet, but the muffled thud of a cabinet closing or a door creaking open as he went from room to room helped her feel like she could give up on her desperate need to be awake and aware at all times. She hadn't thought that sharing a home with him would ever be reassuring, but here she was— she'd woken up from a nightmare of her mind’s own making, another memory that the lunar feather hanging on her wall couldn't dissuade when it was busy canceling out Darkrai's aura already— gasping for breath and finally catching it when she heard the Legend getting himself a drink from the next room over. 

Her memories hadn't come back to her any more than they already had— it was still just those handfuls of images, of the days leading up to how she left her bunker to burn and now one nighttime vignette of Grovyle soothing her as a kid as well, that haunted her sleeping and waking hours. She wondered why her memories hadn't returned to her completely by now, especially when Darkrai's had despite him having amnesia for so much less time. Sometimes she wondered if maybe they'd never come back. But it was becoming more common these days for her to think that it wouldn’t be surprising if they were just dormant and waiting for a safe time to come back into the light. Given time, she was increasingly sure her past was bound to return to her in full, for better or for worse. 

She looked up from her journal. She wasn't writing a real entry at the moment, just flipping through old ones and adding a date here or there where she'd forgotten to include them. Ark was sat at the dining table, one of the heavier books he'd added to her collection sitting untouched before him as he instead pored over a thin book of fairy tales. It had been strange to get used to Darkrai and Ark being truly the same, but she supposed he had to get used to her being herself as well, so they were fairly even on that front. And besides— he still held a tambour and needle in the same way. 

She guessed not much had changed at all, in the end. He was still himself, whatever that meant, and she was still whoever Twig was. She still struggled to wrap her head around people loving her, but she was starting to see that there were some things about her worth caring about. There was still healing to do. There was so much of it that Twig found herself intimidated by recovery most days. There was so much healing to do ahead, but in the end, things had changed, just a little. She had some hope now. The past was still an enigma, the future was uncertain, but between the two sources of so much grief and anxiety lay something she was finally seeing as precious and lovely. The present was an excellent gift to receive, after all.  

She intended to cherish it.

#pmd eos #pmd #pmd explorers #pmd2 #pmd sky #the present is a gift au #pokémon mystery dungeon #pokemon mystery dungeon #pmd fanfic #pmd fanfiction #pmd fic

[frosty-the-killer-doll]

What are your karamel headcanons/opinions? I love your blog btw

thank you, it's so beautiful here

now just because i do honestly ship karamel, that doesn't mean i think their canonical relationship was without its toxicity. mon-el had a running habit of talking over kara, lying to her, deciding things about them by himself, generally disrespecting her. i do believe he loved her, honestly, but i also know that when he started loving her, he was a douchebag. and that's canon.

kara was his first real relationship. kara was the first girl he loved, the first girl that was stronger than him, the first girl that he didn't have any power over as her prince. i think a lot of mon-el's trouble with respecting her comes from that; he's a prince of a tyrant-led planet, his entire life he's had things handed to him and suffered no consequences to his actions. he doesn't know what a real relationship looks like, he's not used to someone having complete equal say with him.

he's a dick. he's not completely sure how to not be a dick. he has never been in a situation where he suffers for being a dick. mon-el is like if toh's the collector character was an adult dudebro. so throughout all of s2, he is trying to learn to better himself, with varying success. fratboy rehabilitation. he's still not... good for kara, though. i do not think their s2 dynamic would have been sustainable in the long run

but then, s3. mon-el is, what, almost 10 years older? by then, he's a better man. he's good for the one he loves, even if that woman isn't kara but rather imra. and imra has kara to thank for mon-el not being shit. mon-el being married is as much of a shock to kara's system as is him being, like, completely fine. respectful. friendly. articulate, communicative, generous. he's become a leader and a husband. what the fuck.

i love to ship this version of them. the old version was interesting for angst sake and how fucked kara's perception could get, as toxic relationships often provide, but this flavor of karamel? it's syrup-y sweet. kara has equal footing and mon-el doesn't think to change that, not even subconsciously. it's the bare minimum, maybe, but. it's better.

and i think the dynamic would change even more. kara becomes... feisty with him. playful and smug. they like fucking with each other, in a healthy way this go around, play-fighting like superpowered kittens. this is such a fucking nerd comparison to make but if you've read pettigrace's arrowverse college groupchat au, it's like when coldflash (known as coldbar in their au) reconcile after their big blowout fight. i've delved into this headcanon change in their dynamic in basically all my karamel fics, tehe

OKAY EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP ITS HC LIST TIME

in the polycule au, he still left in the s3 finale, but when mon-el comes back to leave brainy and take winn, he ends up staying in the normie century. in that time, imra has taken up the official leadership role in the legion. the only change to them going back in the s3 finale is that they took psi with them, per imra's request. psi has then become imra's budding girlfriend and co-leader, so that's why mon-el feels safe leaving the 31st century this go around

when they get back together, iris suggests couple's therapy with dr finkel like caitlin once did for her, and it goes well!

kara once told him he showed valor after a crime-fight, back before the future shit. that's why mon-el chooses it as his superhero code name

remember when he spent forever teaching her cape tricks? okay now imagine the kink potential of that

did you know monel is the name of a group of nickel alloys? kara gets him an electric bass made with monel strings as a lil gift, calling it his mini-me

when mon-el learns that kara is like, technically in her 50s thanks to phantom zone fuckery, he starts hiding grandma candies in all her pockets. and her plants. and her cushions. she's finding pieces of butterscotch in her dresser. mon-el thinks he's hilarious

on that note, kara dares him to do the fluffy bunny challenge with the candies. if he loses, he no longer hides candy everywhere. he was so sure of himself. he was wrong

mon-el's her first alien boyfriend, right? so she doesn't actually need to be scared of his fragility. again, the kink potential

kara made him watch her fav musicals, he has joined barry allen and ray palmer in a love for singin' in the rain

mon-el isn't big on bands like nsync like kara is, yknow like, teen/dance pop? he does like pop, but prefers alt pop and pop punk. she introduces him to kpop in the hopes of converting him, and she's successful, but he also came out of it with a love for what the band babymetal call kawaii metal after being recommended jpop from all the kpop he was listening to. what have you done, kara.

considering we all know kara is a romcom boygirlie, mon-el found an insane subgenre that he fucking adores: zomromcoms!! romantic comedies with zombies!! disney even has a zomromcom musical trilogy and he annoys kara about it on the daily. warm bodies is one of his fav movies. kara agrees to listen to his disney zombies headcanons if he hears out her game of thrones theories

okay that's all i got rn, goodbye forever 🫡

#frosty answers #arrowverse asks #karamel #mon el #mon-el #kara danvers #supergirl #supergirl cw #cw supergirl #arrowverse

[cieloclercs]

sliding doors , chapter three

pairing: joão félix x fem!oc                                                  part: 3/?                                                                                warnings: mentions of sex, otherwise just lots of fluff                                          word count: 8.5k

author’s note: hiiiii i’m so sorry this took so long! i hope the fluff makes up for it hehehe. also, i’m thinking of making a taglist for this story and maybe for punk tactics, so if you’d like to be on it just send me an ask!

SLIDING DOORS, “Seemingly inconsequential moments that nonetheless alter the trajectory of future events.”

03. in which joão takes esperanza out on their first date

previously: chapter two

read it on wattpad!

JOÃO COULDN'T REMEMBER the last time he'd been on a date. Not since her. He all but gave up on the idea of dating after that messy breakup, too torn apart by the way it had ended and how blind he had been to her infidelity to even consider trying again. His friends had tried to set him up with a couple of their significant others' acquaintances for a while, or encouraged him to try online dating, but it didn't take long until they too threw in the towel. Yet, within weeks of arriving alone in London, João had taken a step that not even his family had managed to get him to do, not in the years since his last relationship ended – he'd asked his pretty neighbour out for dinner.

João knew he liked her. He wasn't a teenager; he knew how to interpret the butterflies in his stomach when she smiled at him, and he knew exactly what they meant. Esperanza Cabrera had somehow managed to open up the part of himself he'd long since locked away, with only one serendipitous crossing of paths, an impromptu coffee date, and yesterday afternoon, when he'd decided to stop being a coward and just ask her out already. Three meetings. That was all it had taken. João felt the speed of it should have scared him, but he couldn't find it within his heart to fear anything involving Esperanza. She'd made too much of a mark on him already.

Mentally hyping himself up for their date would have been much easier if he had told any of his friends what was going on – (that's right, he hadn't). Not even his parents knew. João suspected his teammates may have caught on to his affections, or whatever they could be labelled as, for someone, at least, but apart from a brief mention of her name and how they had met, he'd given nothing away. As far as they were concerned, he was getting an early night; not drinking red wine in a fancy restaurant with the prettiest girl he'd ever seen.

João grew more and more conscious of the time as he tried on his fourth shirt. He and Esperanza had agreed, over text message, that he would meet her outside her apartment at seven thirty exactly. His watch read ten past seven. He let out a frustrated sigh, throwing his hands down at his sides. Nothing looked right on him. In the past, he would have just thrown on the first shirt he saw, but João wanted to make a good impression. He wanted to at least try to look a match for Esperanza, in whatever she was wearing. His mind could have conjured up a thousand images of the woman that would greet him at her door in twenty minutes, dressed to the nines, but he knew none of them would compare to the real thing. João had caught her in fluffy pyjamas last time and had barely been able to string a sentence together – what would he be like when she was all made up?

Eventually, he settled on his first choice of shirt: a tight fitting black button-up, with the collar left open, showing a sliver of his tanned skin. A thin gold chain hung around his neck, contrasting the obsidian silk. Paired with his also black pants, João feared that it was perhaps a little too much black – but he didn't have time to fret over that. Besides, he'd received some glowing reviews of this particular shirt in his Instagram comments. He'd just have to trust the general public on this one, considering his usual second opinion was none the wiser to this date even happening. Now, João slightly regretted keeping so quiet about it.

He was sweating bullets.

"I can't do it – oh Dios mio." Esperanza Cabrera muttered weakly as she stood in front of her bathroom mirror. Her hair was curled into soft waves, falling around her shoulders, and she'd decided to be a little bit bolder with her makeup than usual: a hint of smoky eyeshadow, and a strong red lip that had taken her almost an hour to get right because of how much her hand was shaking. She thought she looked pretty – but when Esperanza looked in the mirror, she began to doubt if her definition of pretty was pretty enough.

"Well you can't back out now." Millie Vallejos reminded her through the tinny speakers of her laptop, "He'll be here any minute!"

The young woman groaned, "Don't remind me."

Esperanza had actually been looking forward to this all day. It had even gotten to the point where she would count down the hours, lying on her back on the sofa, just imagining what a wonderful time she and João were going to have. Now that he was only ten minutes away from arriving, she felt like she was going to throw up.

Millie had done her best, over their three hour face time call, to keep her calm; but she could feel that control beginning to slip away the closer the minute hand on the clock drew to seven thirty. It had seemed as though, at one point, that the getting-ready process would go off without a hitch. Esperanza had decided on her outfit relatively quickly – a long sleeved black mini dress, with a cut out at the top of her chest, exposing the tiniest amount of cleavage, alongside translucent tights and a pair of black heeled ankle boots. She'd wondered aloud if it was a bit too much black, but, as Millie so eloquently put it: 'Black is sexy, and João won't know what to do with himself when he sees you in that. Trust me.' Esperanza had been more than happy to stick to her outfit after those words.

She'd felt confident. At least, for a little while. Then the minute hand began to move faster, creeping its way around to seven, and then to ten past, and now, to twenty past. Her confidence evaporated. All those doubts and fears Esperanza thought had been banished when João turned up at her door yesterday suddenly returned with full force. She began to see her figure in the mirror in a completely different light. It was just last-minute jitters, she knew that, but it hit her so hard, it took Millie yelling at her through the laptop screen to stop her from cancelling on João. Her finger had hovered over the 'send' button more than a couple of times. Yet, just as Esperanza felt sick to the stomach with nerves, she couldn't bring herself to do it. She wanted this. It shocked her just how much. She may not have even realised the intense longing she felt for a connection like that with someone – whether it was João or not – if she hadn't been seconds away from giving it up. Maybe that was the one thing Esperanza had so far missed out on during her time in London. She only had a few months left. Now was as good a time as any to change that.

"I know you're nervous, but I promise it's going to be fun!" Millie reassured her, smiling empathetically. Esperanza nodded in agreement. She was more trying to convince herself than anything. She should have known that her years spent living the hermit life when it came to dating would come back to bite her one day. Esperanza hadn't a clue what was supposed to happen on a first date — she'd only ever been on one, way back when she was fifteen, and her memory of it wasn't all that great besides. The only thing she had to go off was Millie's crash course of do's and don'ts: don't dump your entire life story on him straight away, and don't under any circumstances sleep with him (Esperanza had laughed at that — as if she was at risk of making such a mistake); on the other hand, do open up to him a little bit. But not too much. Millie said it was good to leave an air of mystery behind after a first date, 'to keep him guessing' she explained. Esperanza didn't question it.

"I just don't want to make a fool of myself." she admitted with a sigh, "You know how I get when I'm nervous — it's like I can't stop talking —"

"Cariña, we've been over this." Millie interrupted quickly, "Just don't overthink it. He's only a guy, remember? Talk to him like you'd talk to anyone else. You know, considering he's famous and all, he'd probably appreciate that."

Esperanza nodded. She just had to remind herself that she'd managed to hold a conversation with him without panicking before; just because it was an actual date this time didn't mean she couldn't do it again. Plus, Millie was probably right about João appreciating a bit of normalcy. Esperanza knew for one that she'd get tired of people ogling her like she was some sort of freak of nature pretty quickly, if she was famous. João had even said it to her in the café three days ago — he was just a normal guy.

"Ok. I think I'm ready." Esperanza announced, inhaling deeply to calm the rapid pounding of her heart. She glanced at her phone on the bathroom counter. It read seven twenty-five.

"Have fun, mi amor!" Millie cheered, "But not too much — remember what I told you, no sex on the first —"

"Jesus, Millie, I know." Esperanza's cheeks flushed red in embarrassment.

"Good. Just double checking." her best friend grinned wolfishly in reply, "You better tell me all about it when you get back."

She rolled her eyes, smiling fondly, "Who do you think I am? Of course I will."

Millie's grin transformed into a proud smirk. As Esperanza's primary confidant, it gave her a massive ego boost to know that her best friend told her absolutely everything, and vice versa — (even the things they technically weren't supposed to share). Millie knew fine well she'd be treated to a detailed retelling of the date from start to finish as soon as Esperanza got back to her apartment. She was thoroughly looking forward to it.

After hanging up on their face time call, which by the end read three hours, Esperanza made her way out of the bathroom and towards the front of her apartment. She wobbled ever-so-slightly as she reached down to pick up her handbag. Then, upon drawing back up again to her full height, the doorbell rang.

Seven twenty-eight. He was early.

João straightened his collar and smoothed down his shirt for the last time. He was filled with nervous energy — half because he was absolutely petrified of messing this up, and half because he just couldn't wait to see her. The door to Esperanza's apartment remained unanswered for a few moments, making the back of his neck grow clammy with sweat. Great. She was probably just grabbing her bag or something from another room, not bailing on him; but João couldn't shake the feeling that she wouldn't answer the door at all. Perhaps he should have texted her first.

While the short few second's wait seemed to drag on for hours, Esperanza's front door swung open so quickly he almost missed it. In the blink of an eye she was there, smiling shyly up at him, her almost whispered hello lost to the muffled sound of the world fading into insignificance all around him. João was rendered perfectly speechless.

He'd been completely right. His imagination couldn't do Esperanza's beauty justice as she stood before him now: a tight black minidress hugging her frame, and her lips painted, almost as if she had known, the exact shade of crimson that made his knees feel weak. João's mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. He clamped his jaw shut as Esperanza too seemed to have the thought to speak, but lacked the conviction in the end when her lips pressed into a thin line, cheeks flushing a faint shade of pink.

"Hi..." João murmured dumbly, "Wow...you look beautiful."

"Thank you." she smiled at the ground, bashful, "So do you. Uh — handsome, I mean. You look handsome." Esperanza winced almost imperceptibly as she stumbled over her words, afraid to look up and meet João's eye properly, though she could feel him watching her. A small smirk crept onto his face. He waited for her head to raise timidly and for her round eyes to search his face before he arched a brow, silently asking her if she was ready to go. Esperanza's apartment door clicked shut not a moment later.

João had explained to her over text the previous day that he'd sorted out their reservations for the night, so she didn't have to worry. All Esperanza knew was that it was some high-range Italian restaurant close to the city centre. Most likely, in normal circumstances, she wouldn't so much have been able to afford a glass of wine at this place; but João insisted it was no trouble. He wouldn't even entertain the idea of her paying him back for the meal.

"It's the least I can do." he said as he drove towards the city centre, eyes focussed on the road. Esperanza wanted to ask him exactly what he meant by that. In the end, when he didn't look back, she chickened out.

The restaurant was almost intimidatingly beautiful. Yet, it had a warm feeling to it. Rich, wine red carpets were soft beneath her heels, and the dark oak walls were framed with brushed gold. People of all different manners and professions milled around: socialites, businessmen, and even some low-level celebrities, dressed like they'd just walked out of some vintage film from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Esperanza rubbed her arms self-consciously. Surrounded by all this wealth, she couldn't help but feel a little inadequate.

"Are you ok?" João asked softly. She looked up, offering him a hesitant smile.

"Mhm. It's just — there's a lot of rich people here, you know?" she chuckled nervously. The last thing Esperanza wanted, in this room with all its self-made millions, was seem like a phoney — hanging off the arm of a famous footballer, letting his own hard-earned money go to waste without paying back a single penny. It was as if João could tell exactly what she was thinking the instant her smile fell. In hindsight, he probably should have realised she might feel a little out of her depth in a place like this. It was lucky his attempt to make the night a little more romantic (and away from prying eyes) had coincidentally catered for that problem as well.

"Don't worry, we're not eating here." João reassured her, "I booked a table in one of the private suites upstairs. It'll be much quieter there."

Esperanza felt her heart grow strangely light as she looked up at him. She let out a sigh, somewhere between reprimanding (she had told him after all that she didn't want him paying any more expense on her than he had to) and awe-struck astonishment. No one had ever done something like this for her before.

"João..." Esperanza huffed out a short breath, "You really didn't have to do that –"

"But I wanted to." he countered. She looked up at him, her frown softening into a faint smile. She didn't recognise the fluttering feeling in her stomach. It was completely unfamiliar, yet she felt as though she knew it at the same time. Either way, whatever it was, Esperanza found she didn't mind it in the slightest. She was known sometimes for running away from the unknown — but this time, she didn't feel like running.

A waiter dressed in a black waistcoat and bow tie appeared beside them next, breaking them out of whatever trance had descended upon them. He smiled brightly: the kind of smile that was trained and put on when the job required it, but it didn't seem completely ingenuine, "Good evening, sir and madam." he spoke in a rich Italian accent, "Do you have a reservation?"

"Uh, yes." João nodded, "It's under Félix."

"Ah!" the waiter's eyes widened in realisation, "Mr Félix! Yes, your table has just finished being prepared." he smiled widely again, gaze flickering between João and Esperanza and then back, "Please, follow me. Right this way."

He set off walking towards the back of the restaurant. They followed closely behind him. A dark oak staircase spiralled upwards to the first floor, its banisters, like the walls and doors, framed with gold leaf. Esperanza glanced around nervously, feeling as if every person seated at each of the tables in the room was watching her; judging her. She rubbed her arms self-consciously. If João noticed, he didn't make any mention of it — not until, as they reached the bottom of the staircase, he slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her in close to his side. Esperanza looked down, dazed, at his hand where it now rested on her hip. She began to feel a little faint.

The waiter left them with a smile, seated at their table to attend to some other guests. The 'booth', as João had described it, was more like their own little private room, situated next to the huge window (it could have been a glass wall, that was how big it was), overlooking the bustling commercial street below. Jazz music, and the gentle hum of chatter from some guests across the other side of the floor were the only sounds to be heard. Esperanza shuffled around in her seat, trying to take as much in of the experience as she could. If her thirteen year old self had described what her ideal date would have been like, it was something pretty similar to this. She didn't know whether it was just the setting, or something else, but the romance was so real it could almost have been tangible.

João struggled to tell by Esperanza's expression if she was impressed or a few short seconds away from running off and leaving him at that table all alone. He worried he may have gone a little bit over the top — should he have opted for something more low-key? What was acceptable for a first date anyway? It was then that João began to wish he had asked one of his friends for advice. At least then he wouldn't have felt like he was going into this completely blind.

They struggled, painfully shyly at first, through some small talk until the waiter returned with a bottle of wine to share between them. Esperanza could tell just from the label that that one bottle was probably more expensive than she would ever be willing to pay for an entire meal, let alone a single beverage. She wanted to protest against João spending so much on her, but she also didn't want to annoy him by bringing it up again. Esperanza opted instead to simply stay quiet and take a sip of her drink. Her eyes widened the moment the liquid touched her lips.

"Oh, wow." she murmured involuntarily. João looked up, cracking a smile as he saw her gazing appreciatively at the wine glass in her hands.

"Do you like it?" he asked.

Esperanza nodded enthusiastically, "It's very good."

"I thought you might like it." João smirked proudly, lifting his own glass to his lips to take a sip of the wine. Her eyes narrowed in thought.

"It's one of my favourites." he explained, "I asked for some when I booked the table."

"You've got good taste." Esperanza replied. Finally, the nervous tension in her shoulders began to ease, and she sat back in her chair, regarding João with a curious smile.

The young man arched an eyebrow, "You think?"

"Definitely."

It wasn't long before the waiter returned again to take their orders. João asked for the restaurant's slightly-more-authentic-than-the-regular spaghetti bolognese (although Esperanza still teased him afterwards for making such a basic choice), whilst she ordered the ricotta agnolotti. As she explained to João briefly once they were alone again, her mother had often made her the same dish when she was younger.

"You know how some people say Argentina is like Italy in South America?" João chuckled slightly, "You're kind of making me agree with them."

"Just because my mom likes to cook Italian food?" Esperanza arched an eyebrow in amusement. The young man shrugged.

"You sound a bit Italian when you speak Spanish, too." he went on, "Your voice sort of goes up and down."

"It does?" she pulled a face, "I never noticed."

João smiled to himself. He looked down at the table, eyes dropping away from her intense gaze. After a moment, he glanced back up, the small smile he had been wearing transforming into a barely noticeable smirk — but Esperanza noticed.

"I like it." he spoke, "It's cute."

She wasn't quite sure what to say to that. João seemed innocent enough, even with the glint she could see in his eyes and the still lingering hint of a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. Luckily, not a moment later, their food arrived. She hoped he would be too preoccupied with that to take note of her lack of response — or the pink blush dusting her cheeks. For a minute or two, they were quiet; but João didn't let it last much longer than that.

He wasn't really the kind of person who enjoyed talking about himself — it made him feel weird and self-centred. He was much more of a listener. Whenever he met someone new, João would find himself wondering about the little aspects of their lives that often went unnoticed, along with the bigger picture. He yearned for the kind of relationship that had no barriers; neither of secrets nor of trust. When he met someone who really interested him, he wanted to know everything about them.

Yet João hadn't felt that way about anyone in almost two years. Not since he and his ex girlfriend separated. Esperanza was the first person who made him want to be vulnerable again, to share things about himself that only his family and close friends really knew. Perhaps it was because she seemed to feel the same way. At first she had apologised for talking too much, as she put it, but now, as they tucked into their food, she would answer any of his questions without hesitation. He loved listening to her talk so passionately about herself, even if it seemed like the most mundane of things. João didn't need to say anything; he was perfectly happy just letting her talk.

But equally, Esperanza could be a listener rather than a talker when she met someone who intrigued her. It didn't take long for her to notice that she was doing most of the speaking, and he asking all the questions.

"So..." she began after a brief pause in their conversation, "How are you feeling after... you know..." Esperanza trailed off. She winced sympathetically as João let out a deep sigh.

"Frustrated." he answered honestly, "I was stupid. I just wanted to prove that I could make a difference, and I pushed it too far. Now I can't play for weeks." the young man shook his head in disappointment directed purely at himself. Esperanza watched him for a moment, debating with herself what she could possibly do to make him feel any better. Eventually, once she'd plucked up the courage, she reached out and placed her hand on the arm he held braced against the table. João's head shot up.

"People will see what you can do. I know it." Esperanza spoke gently, "I may not be a football expert, but I'm not stupid. I can tell the difference between an average player and a player like... well... you." she flushed crimson, pulling her hand away from João's arm as a sudden wave of self-consciousness came over her. It was the way he looked at her. It made Esperanza nervous.

"I've actually started watching a couple of matches." she changed the subject quickly, hoping it was quick enough that he wouldn't catch on to her sudden nerves.

"Oh, yeah?" João sat back in his seat, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah." she nodded, "I watched Manchester United and Manchester City city on Saturday... and I watched the Chelsea match on Sunday. I don't know any of the players in this league though, so I was a bit confused — but it was fun anyway. I kind of get why you're all so obsessed with it."

To tell the truth, in the past, Esperanza had found her family's (and the rest of Argentina's) fixation with all things football a little bit annoying. She appreciated the national pride aspect when it came to the likes of Messi and Maradona, but not so much the actual game. So pretty much the only time she ever watched it was when Messi was playing, either for Barcelona (she'd given up when he moved to PSG) or for Argentina's national team. The World Cup marked Esperanza's first discovery of her appreciation for football. There was nothing quite like a long-awaited opportunity for redemption on the pitch to bring a whole country together. Besides, it was difficult not to get caught up in the buzz of it all when everyone she knew could talk about nothing other than the World Cup. Esperanza genuinely enjoyed it.

She thought now that maybe, if she didn't have to study so much for her finals, she might have started watching some league football again. It was a good, mindless distraction from the stress of exams, especially considering she was a neutral when it came to the Premier League. Esperanza felt no affiliation towards any one team. However — watching the Chelsea match on Sunday, she might have felt herself rooting for them to win just a little bit more than usual. She knew that João wasn't playing of course, but that still didn't stop her from secretly hoping his team would do well (even if he was only on loan). Who knew what it would be like when she actually watched him play?

"I don't know what I'd do without football." João sighed a little whimsically, "It's pretty much been my entire life since I was a kid. I can't imagine doing anything else."

Esperanza tilted her head to the side in curiosity, "Did you not go to school?" she asked.

"I did until I was sixteen, but I dropped out after that to focus on my career."

Esperanza whistled. It hit her then how vastly different their lives really were. She could never imagine making a decision like that at such a young age; a decision that could detrimentally affect his future if things didn't go to plan with football. She would only ever be able to imagine the kind of pressure that might put on a teenage boy. Something like that just wasn't part of her world — for Esperanza, the route of her life had only ever led her to now: university, and eventually, a stable, well-paying job. That was all she had ever asked for.

"What do you think you would have done if you couldn't play anymore?" she asked again after a moment of silence. João sat back in seat, furrowing his eyebrows in thought.

"I really don't know." he murmured, "I've never really had anything else."

In his youth, whenever anyone had asked him what he wanted to be when he was older, the answer had always been the same. João never really liked to stop to consider how differently his life could have turned out with only the slightest of changes; a tiny mistake here, another incomprehensible twist of fate there, and it all could have been over for him. He didn't suppose Esperanza had ever experienced that kind of uncertainty. She seemed to know exactly which direction her life was heading — and she certainly had the drive to make it where she wanted to be.

"Maybe that's a sign." the young woman shrugged, "You were just born to play football."

"Maybe I was." João nodded slowly. His eyes came to focus on her figure, slightly shrouded in shadow as the lights in the restaurant grew dimmer with the passing minutes.

"I wish I'd had that kind of certainty in my future when I was a kid." Esperanza went on. His eyebrows knitted together in surprise.

"You didn't?"

"Oh, God no." she laughed, "I had a really tough time trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I almost didn't make it into UCL because I put my application in so much later than everyone else. I was still trying to decide, right up until the deadline."

"Really?" João sat forward in intrigue, "I don't know why... I kind of assumed you're one of those super driven people who knew what they wanted to be pretty much from day one..." he trailed off as Esperanza shook her head, smiling wryly, "What would you have done instead then?"

"Well, I was debating whether to study art at university." she began.

"That makes sense." João's smile made her pause, "You're very good at it."

"Thank you." Esperanza flushed slightly at his compliment, "I actually got into SAIC in Chicago to study Fine Art before I decided to apply for UCL. It was a really difficult decision — I never knew if I was doing the right thing, I just had to sort of hope that it would work out."

"And did it?" João asked.

"I think so. I've met some amazing people at UCL, and I really do love my course. Plus, London has kind of become my second home now. I'm going to miss it when I graduate."

Studying at UCL had also meant meeting João; but Esperanza thought it may have been a little soon to tell him she was beginning to consider that as one of the benefits of her decision. She decided to stay quiet about that one.

They lapsed into comfortable silence. João was deep in thought as he finished off the last of his meal. He thought back to what she'd said earlier... People will see what you can do. I know it. His chest had flared up with that familiar, kind of terrifying warmth when those words left her lips. Esperanza seemed to have more faith in him than he did, even though she'd barely known him for more than a week. It felt good to be believed in, but it felt even better that she was the one believing in him. For whatever reason, whether it was that he had feelings for her (proper ones, not just the fleeting crush-type), João already wanted Esperanza to think highly of him. He wanted to chase that warm sensation in his chest. It made him feel good. For the first time in a long time, he felt seen.

When she pushed her now empty plate away from her, placing her knife and fork side by side on the ceramic surface, João opened his mouth to ask her another question. But just as soon as he began to speak the words, Esperanza cut him off quickly.

"No. No more questions." she shook her head, "I've done enough talking about myself for one night. Now you talk."

João's mouth snapped shut. His lips formed into a small pout, which only made her giggle in light breaths that were as sweet to his ears as his favourite song.

"But I don't like talking about myself," he complained, "I'd rather talk about you — get to know you."

"Getting to know someone goes both ways, João." Esperanza retorted with raised eyebrows, "I feel like I've told you so much about me, and I still barely know anything about you... the real you, not what it says on your Wikipedia page." she added, rolling her eyes.

João couldn't conceal the smirk that crept its way onto his face at that, "Did you look me up?" he asked her. Esperanza froze for a moment, realising suddenly that she'd been caught out. Her cheeks flushed bright red, the brightest they had been all night, and her eyes dropped to fix on the empty plate in front of her.

"I might have done." she admitted. João tipped his head back, letting out a soft chuckle. Her gaze still didn't lift back up to meet his, but she she groaned half-playfully back at him as his laughter grew louder. He couldn't help it — Esperanza's pink cheeks, her suddenly flustered appearance, and the smile she didn't seem to be able to banish despite her embarrassment, all served as nothing but yet more things that made him like her even more. She was adorably shy, but at the same time, João knew she could be anything but. He wondered if it was just him that made her that way. He hoped it was.

Esperanza's embarrassment soon melted away, and she was giggling away with João's soft chuckles before too long. She still couldn't meet his eyes, though. Something about them made her fear that she might get too lost, too caught up in the moment; and that made her feel vulnerable. Esperanza was almost positive at this point that whatever it was she felt for him was at least somewhat reciprocated (she couldn't be certain of completely, so she'd have to settle for somewhat for now). However, that did little to ease the churning nerves inside her stomach. It was more than butterflies — it was as if an entire menagerie had been set loose to rampage around her insides. Esperanza could be pretty sure of the fact now; she'd never felt that before.

"Why do you do that?" João questioned as they both finally fell silent again, in perfectly unrehearsed unison. She tilted her head to the side, confused.

"Do what?"

"Look away from me when you laugh." he elaborated, "I'm looking at you, but you won't look back at me. Why do you do it?"

Infuriatingly, Esperanza felt her cheeks heat up again. She'd done enough blushing just tonight to last her an entire lifetime.

"I don't know..." she sighed deeply. She did know. It was because he was nothing short of beautiful. Esperanza didn't think she'd ever met someone quite as flawless as João Félix was, whether he knew that or not. She figured he should have done, but it always seemed to be the most striking people who never realised how other people saw them. Esperanza was not usually a shy person — quite the opposite; she'd been described by her family and friends as loudmouth on more than a few occasions — yet João somehow managed to reduce her to a flustered, blushing mess simply by looking at her.

"You make me nervous." Esperanza admitted finally. She took his words on board this time, fighting against her natural instincts to raise her head from the table and meet his gaze. He watched on, expectant, wide eyed, "It's a bit annoying actually. I never normally struggle to talk to people. I'm pretty extroverted... but I get really nervous around you. I never know what to say."

It was João's turn to look away this time. He smirked, now almost one hundred percent sure that his worries about Esperanza not feeling the same way about him as he felt about her were completely stupid. Still, he hadn't expected her to admit that so openly, without a semblance of hesitation. To João's dismay, he felt his cheeks begin to heat up with a crimson blush that flared across his face, much like how it had appeared on Esperanza's.

"Does that mean you like me?" he asked finally, half holding his breath as he blurted the words out. It had always been his intention to tell her exactly how he felt tonight. João didn't want to be the kind of guy that was so hesitant he ended up losing the girl he wanted because he'd left it too long to tell her. While it was true that he'd wanted to get to know Esperanza first (and wasn't that what first dates were for, anyway?), João was emotionally mature enough now, at twenty three years of age, to recognise that he had feelings for her - strong enough feelings to want to see if they could become something more than just neighbours or friends. Even if they'd only actually spoken a handful of times, that much was fairly obvious to him. He wasn't about to beat around the bush if he thought he had a shot.

Miraculously, Esperanza managed to fight off the blush creeping onto her face this time. Perhaps that had something to do with the way her eyes rolled involuntarily — as if it wasn't obvious enough that she liked him.

"What do you think, João?" the young woman muttered with a half-smile. She watched him, deciding to take on board his earlier comment about struggling to hold eye contact; watched the way his own eyes seemed to search hers for confirmation. He'd appeared so sure of himself before. Esperanza wondered if he was secretly just as hesitant as she was. Maybe they both needed the same thing: a hint of reassurance. She did her best to show him exactly that in her eyes as he continued to search them. Then at last, João seemed to understand.

"For the record, I like you too." he added, breaking the thick silence that had fallen between them, "I really want to get to know you better, if you'll let me."

Esperanza stifled a grin, "I'd love that." she spoke gently, "We'll have to do this again sometime."

João agreed without hesitation. Normally, he'd be worried about appearing too eager, but right now, he didn't see much point in pretending he wasn't already thinking about their possible future dates in his head. He figured from Esperanza's dazed smile that she was doing the same.

They left the restaurant almost an hour later after sharing a dessert and paying the bill, being sure to leave the nice waiter a decent tip along with it. João's arm wrapped around Esperanza's shoulders, much like it had lay around her waist on the way up, as they walked out of the main doors. She smiled giddily into her shoulder. There was nothing quite like the feeling of sparks being left on her skin by his touch. She'd never experienced anything quite like it before.

João led her down the street towards where he'd parked his car; the hand which had now moved from her shoulder to her waist never once wavering. Only when they were sat down and he was starting the engine did he move it. Esperanza bit her lip to try and control the excitement she could feel bubbling up in her stomach. Out of all the scenarios she'd been imagining might play out tonight (both the good and the bad), this was by far the best one. João was the perfect gentleman: opening the car door for her, offering his arm to help her out, even waiting for her to step inside the elevator before he followed. It felt like nothing short of a dream — the kind of thing that only ever happened in books, where no one seemed to have any flaws. Esperanza had given up hiding her smile by the time they reached her apartment. Besides — João's was mirroring it now.

"Thank you for tonight." she whispered to him in the darkness, "I had a really good time."

"Me too." he murmured back. He had insisted on walking her to her to apartment door, even though his own apartment was on the other side of the lift, so he'd have to turn and walk back again once she was inside. Esperanza's heart could have melted at how eager he was to walk with her. Even when she'd told him she could make it back perfectly fine on her own, he'd waved the idea away in an instant. It was (for lack of a better word) adorable.

"I meant what I said earlier." João went on, sounding breathless all of a sudden, almost like he'd forgotten how to breathe properly, "I know we haven't known each other long, but I like you a lot."

Esperanza's eyes flickered to the ground and back up again, giving her a few all-important milliseconds to compose herself. She was growing breathless too. The hallway suddenly felt a lot smaller than it had been walking through; and the space between their bodies seemed to have reduced to mere inches without her realising.

"I really like you too." she whispered. Esperanza didn't think she was imagining it now — João had definitely stepped closer when she was too busy admiring him, and now he was so close she could see the little golden flecks in his eyes. The air was thick, filled with promise. She didn't know what he was going to do — she had her hopes, but João was leaving her none the wiser, as his gaze flickered to the ground and back up again.

He looked nervous.

The tension only grew the longer the words he wanted to say remained stuck in his throat. With parted lips, he could do nothing but stare for a moment, utterly transfixed. Call him shallow, but João was having a hard time thinking about anything other than how pretty she was; Esperanza seemed, to him, to have not a single flaw, neither in her outward or inner appearance. He could have searched for hours and hours, but he wouldn't have found so much as a blemish.

She gazed up at him with wide brown eyes, waiting, expecting. João watched the way her red-stained lips parted ever-so-slightly, caught in a daze as he found his body moving closer and closer towards hers, like there was some kind of invisible string pulling him in. Esperanza's unsteady breaths tickled his chin. He could see her glancing at his lips, even if she tried to play it off by refocussing on his eyes a second later: they always returned to his lips.

He'd left her with a kiss the last time they met. Why break the streak?

"Can I kiss you?" João whispered into the thick silence. It had grown darker in the hallway now, and the only light illuminating Esperanza's face came from a singular overhead lamp which had been left on outside the elevator. Somehow, in the dim glow, she looked even more beautiful. His heart raced inside his chest, beating in such a frenzy he wondered how she couldn't hear it. If he'd asked her, she would have said it was because of her own heart — there was no way she could have heard his over its hammering.

Esperanza hadn't the breath left in her lungs to offer a verbal reply. She just about managed to nod, letting out a slightly choked hum which she hoped he would realise translated to a definite yes. It was all she wanted — a sweet, romantic moment to end what had already been one of the best nights of her life. And João's lips looked soft. She'd been longing to know what they would feel like against hers since the moment he turned up at her apartment door.

The young man exhaled. Then, in one swift movement, he inched forward and kissed her.

Esperanza's eyes fluttered shut.

It wasn't heated or rushed, or filled with burning desperation. It was soft. João's lips moved slowly against hers, filling the pit of her stomach with a warm, tingly sensation: the kind of warmth you would feel holding your hand over a dying candle wick. There was passion in it too. The kiss didn't need to be all teeth and tongue for that. Even something so comparatively chaste was packed with so much desire, neither of them wanted it to end. But only a few seconds later, it did. João drew back, breathing a little heavier than before, cheeks flushed pink and lips turning up at the corners, to look Esperanza in the eye.

She felt as though her world had been turned upside down.

João Félix made her feel things not even two years of dating had been able to evoke in her, and all it took was one simple kiss. That scared her a little, if she was being honest — but she couldn't get over how good, how intoxicating his lips felt against hers, even for only those short few seconds. It was euphoric. Esperanza needed more.

So without a second thought, she brought her hand to rest on the back of João's neck, and pulled him down until their lips met again. He smiled into the kiss — she could feel him against her mouth. It was impossible not to reciprocate it, even while locked in an embrace which grew steadily more passionate, more unrestrained as the seconds wore on. João's tongue teased her bottom lip, probing for entrance. Esperanza would have freely let him; but she was aware now that the buzz inside of her was not just due to her company. João's wine was having more of an effect on her than she'd first realised.

They pulled away for the second time, breath mingling, with shared smiles painted across both their faces. He pressed his forehead against hers, holding it there for one second, two seconds, before he drew back to study her. She looked just as dazed as he felt. He could have kissed her again.

"Wow." he chuckled breathlessly. Esperanza looked down for a split second, letting out the softest of giggles. It had to be one of the sweetest sounds he had ever heard.

"Wow indeed." she replied.

There was a pause. They were still mere inches apart, face to face, the only space between them opening up when João took a reluctant step back. He was still smiling even as he resigned himself to walking away (though the only thing he wanted was to be as close to her as possible). Esperanza didn't think she could have kept a straight face if she tried. So there they were; slightly intoxicated, utterly enamoured, grinning at each other like idiots. It took a minute for it to hit them. When it did, they couldn't help but laugh, in hushed, secretive tones — not just because they'd run the risk of waking up Mrs Davies otherwise, but because this moment was theirs. Only theirs.

"Can I see you again soon?" João blurted out suddenly. His eyes grew wide with hope as they looked down at her, silently repeating the question.

"You can see me whenever you want, João." Esperanza arched an eyebrow, "We live in the same apartment block."

He breathed a sigh, feigning exasperation, "You know what I mean."

She did. João didn't want to just see her around again. He'd quickly grown tired of the rushed hello's in the morning and the waves from across the street — fleeting moments, gone too quickly for them to mean anything. He wanted to see her as in take her out on impromptu dates; walk her to the train station in the morning; even just sit in the silence of her apartment and watch as she painted. He wanted to experience the little aspects of her life. In his mind, that was the best way of truly getting to know someone. Then they could see where that took them.

João wasn't ready for a serious relationship. Not yet, anyway. Though it had been two years, he was still bruised and battered from the way his ex-girlfriend had left him. He was still damaged. But his feelings for Esperanza were real and already strong, and he knew they wouldn't be going away anytime soon. In time, he could see himself letting down the fortifications he'd built two years ago for her. Maybe she would end up being the exactly the person he needed to heal him.

For now though, João wanted to take things slow. Coffee dates and evening walks through the city, hand-in-hand — that kind of thing. It was everything he had missed out on with his previous girlfriend. He'd experienced the brief, burning passion of a relationship taken too quickly: fixated around wild, grand gestures of affection, their image as perceived by the watchful eye of the public, and sex. João wasn't about to make the same mistake twice — not with a girl who was this perfect. He hadn't a clue how he'd managed to win Esperanza over at all (let alone with how quickly it had all happened). Losing her now in the same manner he'd lost his ex-girlfriend could well have turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of his life. Even if if they both came to realise in a couple of weeks that they just weren't compatible, João didn't dare take such a risk.

"Like I said," Esperanza murmured lowly, looking up at him through her long, dark eyelashes, "You can see me whenever you want."

He didn't doubt what that meant. She was as open to this... whatever it ended up being... as he was.

João smiled contentedly to himself.

He began to walk away, whispering a soft goodnight into the now almost full darkness. Esperanza's hand had closed around the door-handle. He heard it twist with a quiet squeaking sound. But just as his back was half turned, her voice calling him, asking him to wait, froze him in position once more.

"Do you want to come inside for a bit?" Esperanza asked, biting her lip nervously, "We could watch a movie or something."

She wasn't quite ready for the night to be over yet. If she let him leave now, she'd simply end up lying awake in bed until the early hours of the morning, consumed by the memories of tonight and the idea of ones they might make in the future. Esperanza would much rather stay awake, preferably with him, that torture herself with made-up scenarios that may never even come to pass.

João smiled. He knew he probably should have gone back to his own apartment to rest. He had training in the morning, after all: but he simply couldn't refuse her. Even if he had wanted to, her big brown eyes gazing up at him, shining in the half-light, made disappointing her next to impossible. Besides, he wasn't quite ready for the night to be over anyway. Chances were, if he left know, he'd only keep himself awake for hours thinking about her.

The moment she saw João's silhouette nodding in acceptance, Esperanza was ushering him through her apartment door. He bit back a chuckle, but, as the theme seemed to be tonight, he could do little to hide the wide smile creeping its way onto his face. It was a good thing Esperanza seemed to be fighting the same futile battle. With the door to her apartment pressed firmly shut, she spun around to face him, wearing a grin that was nothing short of radiant. It left João speechless. He barely even heard what she began to say next as she switched on her TV and opened Netflix.

"So what do you want to watch? I don't know about you, but I'm in the mood for Dirty Dancing..."

BONUS!

liked by @millie_vallejos_ @doutzzaalsburg and 45 others

anziicabrera 🖤

[ view comments ]

…

millie_vallejos_ good luckkk 😉

doutzzaalsburg Don’t forget to use protection! 😁😁

⤷ anziicabrera i hate you

mateocabrera 🤨

#joao felix #joao felix fic #joao felix imagine #joao felix x oc #chelsea fc #football #football imagines #football fic #joao felix x fem!oc #sliding doors

[hollow-dweller]

20 Questions (for fanfic writers)

tagged by @abcd-em, thank you beloved <3

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

26!

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

134,413

3. what fandoms do you write for?

mostly spidey and pilgrimage, but i dabble in other fandoms--mostly voltron, which i had thought i had escaped the sucking quicksand of but alas seems not to be the case

4. top five fics by kudos?

all the wonders i have seen (i will see a second time)

leave the rest to the gods

Unconscionable

when darkness comes upon you

sew your fortunes on a string

5. do you respond to comments?

i try to! transparently, i sometimes get overwhelmed and while i love receiving comments and re-read every single one a million times, i do sometimes have a hard time actually responding. i cherish every single one but also my brain was cursed by the gods.

6. what is the fic your wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably my pilgrimage fic, everything's growing in our garden. it's very rare that i write for vibes but phoebe bridgers' Punisher had me in a chokehold and that is definitely reflected in that fic, short as it is. it's my most "closure denied" ending, that i've posted anyway, and i think that ups the angst factor.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

pilgrimage fandom gets the top spot here too, with love sent to me. it's probably the most straightforward romance/get-together fic i've written, and AU to boot, which are both anomalies for me. but i have a great deal of affection for that fic, and i love the tenderness of it.

8. do you get hate on fics?

the closest i get in spidey is generally people being demanding about updates, which i usually just delete. there is one particular troll in pilgrimage who crops up every once in awhile to leave "hate" comments on various peoples' fics, and i've been hit with that a couple times, but that's just a pathetic person wanting attention so it doesn't really count.

other than that, i really have the best commentariat anyone could ask for.

9. do you write smut?

yes! i firmly believe erotica is an important tool for examining characters and their relationships

10. craziest crossover:

i don't write crossovers exactly, so i'll cop out and point to the spidey/twilight fusion au since it is crossover-adjacent

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge! and hopefully i never will

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

again not to my knowledge! there are few things i would find more flattering

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

alas, no. i love the prospect of it, and have gotten to the outlining/ideating stage with a few people in the past, but again i'll be fully transparent in that i'm not the most reliable person to attempt that kind of project with. maybe someday, and i'm definitely open to it!

but also: it's me, hi! i'm the problem, it's me.

14. all time favorite ship?

i'm a libra with adhd, asking me to choose a favourite is a hate crime.

from the lens of fannish engagement or creation, which to me is different but not unrelated to loving/shipping a couple as it is represented/written in the text, it's probably any combination of Ned/MJ/Peter, either platonic or romantic. i love an OT3, i love frenship, i LOVE where NWH left us and the possibilities we can explore with their relationships to one another.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

if i truly doubt a wip will get finished, i don't post it. everything i've posted is something i fully intend to finish, i just can never say when that might happen. i can't predict the future obviously, so maybe that'll change, but i re-read my posted works relatively frequently and have a genuine desire to see them all complete at some point. even the ones that i reread and can see how my writing has since improved, or think i could have executed better, i still have love for and interest in. if i didn't, i'd delete.

16 & 17. what are your writing strengths and weaknesses?

combining these two because my writing strength is a reflection of my writing weakness: i'm very good at elaborating on ideas, not so much on coming up with them whole cloth. what i mean by that is i'm most comfortable, as a writer, coming up with creative and even novel divergences from canon, and making the corresponding changes in characters and plot that would result from those divergences. i'm good at the "what if" of fic.

the converse is that i'm not great at speculation, of figuring out "what happens next". so much of my post-NWH stuff, for example, is about exploring potential emotional and relationship-based realities, but doesn't have "plot" in the sense of being developments of the story of Peter Parker as i imagine it might happen in the MCU. even fics like we said our dreams will carry us, which i bill as a kind of post-beyond the spiderverse speculation fic, doesn't actually deal with the nitty-gritty of what i think might happen in the next movie. how things actually happen in this imagined version of beyond the spiderverse is secondary to the emotional fallout of those events, and that's what i'm writing about.

both these flow from my primary analytical strength/weakness: i am great at interpretive analysis, and fucking terrible at predictive analysis.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

it is. incredibly difficult to get right. i studied languages and translation in university, and i still hesitate to write dialogue in other languages into my fics. it's not just a matter of getting the language itself right. that in and of itself is difficult, but anecdotally speaking i find that most native speakers of a language who read fic are incredibly kind and polite when making corrections to the language.

what takes me out of a fic is the manner in which other languages are integrated, and how very poorly that is usually done. "oh sorry it's hard to switch back" has become a meme, but a lot of the use of languages other than English, when written by non-native speakers of the languages in question, read as just that clunky and incredibly disconnected from how polyglots actually speak and switch between languages.

having said all that, language is an INCREDIBLY important part of culture, which makes it an equally important part of the characters who speak--or whose families speak--other languages. as someone in spider-man fandom, Miles' Puerto Rican heritage and both his and Rio's relationships to that heritage and the spanish language are important elements of his character. when i write Miles, and especially Miles & Rio, it's important to me that that is incorporated. like anything, it takes research, and thoughtfulness, and humility--try your best, and be ready to be corrected if you get it wrong.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

harry potter (derogatory), back when i was a wee skelly

20. favorite fic you've written?

i once again point to the libra with adhd of it all, and then direct you to my favourites series on ao3

Tagging: @weezly14 @mysterycyclone @saltwaterpanda @gooddaygalaxy @ambivalentcats @shrinkthisviolet @anarchyduck and anyone else who wants to!

#tag game

[ohraicodoll]

Thank you so much for Red. It’s crazy how much I relate to her. We don’t live in a post apocalyptic world but we all live in our own worlds and sometimes it can feel like us vs them which Red helps me to navigate. She has helped me to feel less ashamed about the way my brain has turned out.

She’s so cathartic and has shown me that even when someone is as rough and ready, or completely rejecting of anything good that comes their way because they ‘don’t deserve it’ or that they will wreck it that some people could them her regardless. If that makes sense.

I especially love the new Tommy x Red friend post that just made me feel so fucking validated again! The way that Red has unusual ways of showing her love/gratitude and the people in her life just try to understand it until they do with no questioning!? To be loved in a way that is so accommodating and significant blows my mind. I know you’re writing fiction but sometimes discovering that this very specific thing is addressed and taken care of by another human being in the world is insane and has given me a bit of hope for my future.

It’s so soothing and Cathartic to read your work . I spent some of my childhood in survival mode and it never truly leaves you. You’ve written it so realistically I am in amazement with every piece of the puzzle you post.

I wish I had an ounce of your talent so that I could explain my love and gratitude for you in a way that was comprehensible. I’m sorry, I just had to say something now though, I’ve been having a weird couple of days and your writing is one of my only forms of escapism.

I am so interested in what inspired you to create such a specifically complex female character like her. I consume a lot of media, have read and literally studied the new era of woman (still hard to give them a specific name) and no character has ever come close to Red. Your talent blows my mind.

Thank you Sam.

Oh goodness, did you make me cry ❤❤

I'm so glad you feel seen and feel a bit of representation and catharsis with her. That's just all I can hope is that you all love the characters I create and the stories as much as I do. You've all kept me motivated and inspired to write her (especially as fast as I have haha).

The idea about Red came because I kinda got tired of only finding pure smut or timid characters in the TLOU fic tag. I love both but Tess was not timid and was more the dominant in the relationship. And I fully get that Joel radiates "I'll take care of you" dom energy but at this point in the apocalypse I doubt there would be many people left that didn't have some aggression in them or that need taking care of. I love character analysis too much to do the same type of character.

I've always been drawn to rage characters. I wrote a whole book series when I was a teen centered around one. And I think I wanted to go back to that since my character in my Sandman series is the opposite. Dahlia is an exploration of trauma responses, especially around acts of anger because that's what I experience. But I started writing with action and violence and someone who is angry all the time and motivated by rage and I wanted to go back to it because writing a character that lacks the moral responses to killing is fascinating. So often we get characters that regret or are remorseful around killing and I don't think that's Joel.

So it was a combo of just writing someone who doesn't regret her violence, doesn't regret killing, and has been alone in the wild for a long time focused only on surviving that they never thought they'd get more. Someone who is accepted for their violence and rage. And that's Red. She is a bunch of fractured pieces held together with string with no coping skills and Joel and Ellie love her either way.

There's the her before the Outbreak, the her that was broken by her sister (who she sees in Ellie), there's the her that was with her group, the her after being alone for years and years, and then the her with Joel and Ellie. Joel never shies away from her and may actually be drawn to her more because of it since there's a piece of that in him. This story is about being seen and accepting your ugliness.

I think being able to jump all over her timeline and continuously build her has been so wonderful and fun. Requests and prompts have been great in building her (though I do change some to make sure they fit the world and who she is). I fully acknowledge she's not a reader but an OC but I cannot write a character who is a blank slate because your past and history dictate your personality and actions (and tbh, most Readers are actually OC's without names or descriptions. I'm old, the x Reader/You thing is new but also just a relabeling of OC's)

I don't know how other writers write, but these characters fully inhabit me when I focus on them. It's why it's hard to switch between stories and characters at time because I can only see through their eyes. I feel their natural body movements, their conversations flow in my head and usually I have to race to write them down somewhere for later. Red is very much a part of me and it's been a joy to explore her and bring her to you all.

So much love and thankfulness to you all ❤❤

#joel miller x feral reader #series: feral #Feral Reader #Raicodoll writes #literally cried getting this #I sometimes felt like my writing wasn't any good especially when I see so many other writers get such big reactions #writing was put on the back burner so long #but Sandman and TLOU somehow brought it back and it's been just so releasing to write again #and find my communities #so believe me when I say I deeply cannot thank you all enough #All your love and enthusiasm has carried me through some dark shit #I'm so stressed with life and I think this series has helped me deal with the grief of losing my grandma in December #You've all helped lift me up

[rphelperblog]

City of Fallen Angels Book Quote RP Meme

book 4 in the Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare- open to quote editing or pronoun change for rp purposes

“You're just worried they'll hire a male instructor and he'll be hotter than you."

“Hearts are breakable, and I think even when you heal, you're never what you were before".” 

“Or maybe it's just that beautiful things are so easily broken by the world.” 

“Everything that happens to you matters to me.” 

"Sorry, I think I fell asleep for a moment. Do, continue with whatever mesmerizing thing you were saying.” 

“Here's a hot tip: Most girls don't like being stalked.” 

“It’s fascinating. You know all these words, and they’re all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don’t make any sense.” 

“Love is the most powerful force in the world. That love can do anything.” 

“You are not trivial.” 

“Jealousy is such an ugly emotion.” 

"I swear on the angel. The hell with that. I swear on us." 

“The more you try to crush your true nature, the more it will control you. Be what you are. No one who really loves you will stop.” 

"Love is a contradiction," 

“You left me. You made a pet out of me, and then you left me. If love were food, I would have starved on the bones you gave me.” 

“he keeps sending me annoying photos. Lots of captions like Wish you were here, except not really.” 

'Seems an odd time to start an insult contest, but if you insist, I could probably think up something good.'

'This is from a guy ho has all the sex appeal of a penguin. Look, I realize you may be jealous that the good Lord didn't deal you the same chiseled hand he dealt me, but that's no reason to-' 

“Still I pictured having you for fifty, sixty more years. I thought I might be ready then to let you go. But it's you, and I realize now that I won't be anymore ready to lose you then than I am right now. Which is not at all.” 

“That’s too bad since all the others you meet from now on will be a terrible letdown.”

'Well, when a mommy vampire and a daddy vampire love each other very much...” 

“I was just wondering if you were armed. You want anything? Dagger, maybe?"

"No wonder you and him like each other so much. You're both crazy walking arsenals.” 

“I was born amazing.” 

“I just don't see why the past has to matter.” 

“They belonged to each other totally, and always would, and that was that.But maybe everyone felt that way? Until the moment they realized they were just like everyone else, and everything they'd thought was real shattered apart.” 

“Do you have a lot of other profound thoughts like that? Blood is blood? A toaster is a toaster? A Gelatinous Cube is a Gelatinous Cube?” 

“As long as everyone's wearing their own pants."

"I see I have come in on a fascinating moment in the conversation.” 

I don't care. I love you and I will always love you, and pretending it could be any other ways is just a waste of time.” 

"I though it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the car when you sneak over to your enemy's house at night and throw up in his mailbox.” 

“He wondered if normalcy was something, like vision or silence, you didn't realize was precious until you lost it.” 

Is this the part where you tell me you're secretly in love with me?” 

“That's right. Act like I rejected you. It's not like you tried to kill me or anything.” 

“Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death.” 

“We can buy you one of those books they have for little kids 'Timmy Has Two Dads'. Except I don't think they have one called 'Timmy Has Two Dads and One of Them Was Evil'. That part you're just going to have to work through on your own.” 

"I've always known that about you. I don't know why I had to fall in love with someone who's more stubborn than I am.” 

“You could give me the past, but he is my future.” 

“I’m always so glad I have no idea what you’re vacantly chattering about,It fills me with a sense of peace and well-being.” 

"That depends, do you wish to be punched in the face?” 

“I can't believe he took you to an actual resteraunt. I assumed his idea od a date would be making you watch him play World of Warcraft with his nerd friends.” 

“To love something is to destroy it forever.” 

“I can see why you like it here, there's a thin layer of nerd all over everything.” 

“I think I’m better than everyone else. An opinion that has been backed up with ample evidence.” 

“Eternity is a long time to spend alone, without others of your kind.” 

"I think that she asked if she could touch my mango”

"And she has a boyfriend. Like, really, really, really has a boyfriend. The nuclear bomb of boyfriends. Trust me on this one.” 

“So you're trying to make her happy despite the fact that the reason she's unhappy in the first place is you,"

“I suppose you've always been amazing at this stuff."

"I was born amazing."

"You really don't get this bodyguard thing, do you?"

"Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?"

“What would you prefer? ‘What did the Count eat today, children? One helpless villager, two helpless villagers, three helpless villagers . . .” 

“What's the point in wasting a perfectly good brick wall when you have someone to throw against it, that's what I always say.” 

"Theoretically the planet could suddenly crack in half, leaving me on one side and you on the other, forever and tragically parted, but I'm not worried about that either. Some things are just too unlikely to dwell upon.” 

"I think I'm better than everyone else. An opinion that has been backed up with ample evidence." 

“You know, when someone prefers their own brother over you, it isn't a confidence booster.” 

I always need you” 

"In that case, you have my permission to make out with her as long as I can watch.” 

“Yes...and I'm worried that if you get into the habit of making out with your instructors, you'll wind up making out with him too."

"Don't be sexist. They could find me a female instructor."

#open rp #open to all #open to anyone #ask meme #open meme #open to anybody #rp meme #ask prompt #roleplay meme #memes #open starter #cassandra clare rp #cassie clare #cassandra clare #city of fallen angels #the mortal instruments #open mortal instruments starter #open mortal instruments rp #open shadowhunters starter #shadowhunter chronicles #shadowhunters starter

[rengo-katze]

✨ BakuToga / KatsuHimi finding out they're pregnant headcanons no one asked for ✨

+ Their first child was conceived during their honeymoon. Both were excited to try having a baby (meaning completely discarding birth control pills and doing the deed "raw" psychologically resulted into them doing it much more frequently 👀).

+ Needless to say, Himiko felt a change in her moods and physical state once a month had passed. At first she thought it was the December winter making her sluggish, but a quick store-bought pregnancy test made her many doubts invalid.

+ Unlike other scenarios she imagined, Katsuki was at her side the whole time, waiting impatiently 'til the stick showed the results. Himiko chuckled and told him that most men were away when women were taking the test and that he was being overprotective too soon.

+ Katsuki scoffed and asked her to reveal the stick immediately after the three-minute wait. He was so damn nervous. Of course, being a father was in his 50-year course of life plan to being a successful and contented family with Himiko. But he felt like this stick had their future depending on it and he didn't know what he would feel if it were negative. A failure on his part? Would they be forced to keep on trying?

+ Himiko on the other hand was calm on the outside but was actually freaking out on the inside. She was thinking way beyond what was infront of her: Where would they go to school? If they were a girl but had Katsuki's face, how would they deal with that? Was there a scientifically-proven way to make genders sure? Would she need to stop hugging random dogs in the street now because she read that animal fur can lead to adverse reactions with pregnant women?

+ And alas, the 3 minutes were up. And they agreed to look at the stick together. They counted 1... 2... 3!

+ Two lines. They both blinked. They were indeed expecting. 💓

+ Himiko immediately threw her arms up in the air as she jumped. She clung tight to Katsuki and nuzzled her cheek against his, screaming a string of "yeys" while kissing her partner's cheek every now and then.

+ Katsuki was too stunned to celebrate as quickly as his wife did but as soon as it sank in, he gave her a warm, tight hug; but also careful not to overdo it since he instantly knew she was fragile goods now.

+ "Hey, quit fucking squirming and yapping! You're now carrying our child!!" the soon-to-be father warned. Typical him for his first words of "celebration."

+ "But, but, but!! I'm just so happy, Kacchan! They're here. They're finally here! Our mini-you-plus-me, our little hooman experiment!! Ooohh, what are we gonna name them?? Would they like spicy things too? I hope they won't be as grouchy as their dad," Himiko laughed and teased her tense husband.

+ "Experiment?! It's too damn early and too fucking creepy for you to say that, Himi. It's about time you tone down on that a little."

+ "And it's also about time you stop swearing in front of me and our baby, Katsu."

+ After being embarrassed for a second, Katsuki left their room to go cook up a snack for his wife. Himiko was slightly confused since it wasn't lunchtime yet but her husband shooed her off the kitchen saying that he needed to cook for her more frequently now that she's creating their mini-hooman from scratch.

+ "They say you need a lot of calcium as well since you're building bones. Grab a glass of fresh milk from the fridge and sit tight, will ya? I'll make every meal extra special from now on. And lay off the housework, got it?"

+ Himiko beamed with happiness. Thank god for fatherhood, she guessed.

+ "Thanks, my hubby-wubby!~ But it'll be so damn boring for nine months here inside the house so lemme at least do a bit of housework."

+ "No, we're not having our first fight as parents, Honey."

#bakutoga #togabaku #bakugou katsuki #toga himiko #boku no hero academia #bnha #mha #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #headcanons #pregnancy fic #domestic au

[calekinnieplus]

I had a short meal break which left me to stew in my thoughts about chapter 400 and what came before it.

I have THOUGHTS. So spoilers for the author's pov chapter 400-ish. Like, GOOD spoilers.

SO GUESS WHAT, I WASN'T TALKING OUT OF MY ASS FOR THE CHESS METAPHOR. THERE REALLY IS SOMEONE PULLING THE STRINGS BAHAHAHAH MY GOSH

But now I gotta think about what that all means. My GOD.

Are you telling me Ren didn't even really transmigrate, bro just lived THIRTY TWO YEARS IN AN ILLUSION? Maybe not in its entirety tho. The fact that he doesn't even know his OWN NAME (fake as it is) implies some time + mind fuckery.

So that evil Ren. That was an interesting twist. What the fuck happened to HIM? I guess several failed timelines messed with his mind? Or is that due to something else? But wow, I didn't expect the chess mindset existing thanks to OUTSIDE INFLUENCES?? HIDDEN, at that. Even as a reader, that was subtle.

Now that I'm thinking back, I'm noticing some occasions that can be called suspicious coincidences.

I know I already mentioned Monarch's Indifference and The One as being incredibly compatible. Add to that the Eyes of Chronos (Kronos btw being the titan of time) really makes a unique combination.

My thoughts are so scattered rn, my bad. I'm just trying to put the puzzle pieces I have together.

So. Is our Ren actually OG Ren? And is future (?) Ren someone who went through many futures and possibilities, trying to skew the odds in his favor? Did he create that "fake" world, our world, to give young Ren an excuse as to why he has information of the future?

Is synchronization an awareness of the actual situation? Does that correlate with the Demon King's descent? Is it that the moment the synchronization reaches a certain percentage, evil (?) Ren is forced to start over?

Why him, tho? From those conversations with future Kevin, it's implied only Ren remembers. He's the only one playing chess. Is the chess opponent the Demon King? Does Ren keep losing due to unfavorable odds? That's why he's obsessed with having everything in his control, because that's the only way he thinks he'll reach the end of these ENDLESS timelines?

Why are you the only one who can do this, Ren?

The novel setting is a lie, right? It was a means to give our Ren information so that he can use it to skew the odds.

IS OUR REN THE OG REN THEN?? Is that sus guy future Ren?

That guy is probably traumatized af. All that mindfuckery is probably not good for his health.

I'm sorry, the possibilities here are overwhelming! Gotta go do a thing I've been procrastinating before I dive deeper in that rabbit hole.

#vertigone rambles #the author's pov #binging tapov #the author's pov spoilers #binging the author's pov

[panzerkatzee]

Update - Squirrel Brains, Meds and Magic

Sooo... where were we? Ah yes... life update, because writing stuff helps me process things and writing just for me feels kinda pointless.

CW: Mention of ADHD Meds, dependence on meds, medication withdrawal

So I just came out of a very weird phase.. like extra weird. Why you ask? Well.... after having teeth surgery on the twelfth of December, I deemed it a splendid idea to just.. carry my heavily regulated ADHD medication in my backpack.. and for a reason yet unknown and hopefully as meneial as... it fell from my pack and is lost somehwere in my room, I lost it. As it is heavily regulated and my psychiatrist deems it a "non essential" drug for me to cope, I spent the last nine days without it.

Which was... better than anticipated, yet still shit af.

I tried my best... and I had only one really bad day, luckily the rest were filled with Christmas stuff and my family being surprisingly supportive. Also.. I gave in to the temptation and installed Conan Exiles once more... my one biggest addiction ever. It might have been a very stupid choice or a decent one as it did help me to cope and is without consequence at the moment.

It also provided me with the chance to reconnect to some old friends I met while playing the game, which is exceptionally nice... and discover all the great new cosmetics the modders included soo double yay.

Luckily, yesterday I managed to get my prescription renewed from my doctors christmas substitute and as of today, I am back on the meds. It is... a fucking relief. Because I can finally sort through my thoughts, cope with sensations and centre myself once more. Something I struggle with a lot, when off meds.

Sometimes it becomes really hard to string together a complete sentence and the inability to do so... is excruciating for me.

Also it's absolutely essential from real self regulation. I did notice, even off the meds I had a better time at clamping down on my impulsivity.. but of all the intractions I had over the last nine days, the only one that didn't completely stress me out, was that with my best friend yesterday, where I knew I didn't have to mask (as much).

I even managed to meet my daily writing goal today, which is a nice bonus. Not that I am specifically working on any projects right now, but I actually started working on a fantasy story two days before my meds went out... and I plan on continuing on it.

It combines a character from a previous story, I started as a self-care project during NaNoWriMo with a world I started to create more than... 12 years ago.

It is a new take on the story I had actually planned, and we'll see how it turns out!

A small snippet for you, should you be curious now..~

Fjinna swore, she would shit herself any moment. Ever since sitting down at her table, the shrewd eyes of her newest opponent, had not left her. Pale, glinting like the Northern Peaks at sunrise and cold as the Eternal Glaciers, these eyes bore into her like darts thrown from a decisive hand. They did not stare, no, they seemed to flit about, but never so far that the fairhaired girl left their field of vision. By now, the avid dice player of interest was suspecting the reason for the sudden appearance. When the lady in the run down gown had sat down, she had been knees deep immersed in time-magic, profiting of the fact, that here in the Lower Rungs, no one knew shit about real magic. Only the crude Elementalism, the Legion practiced, and as Fjin wasn't trying to blow, burn, wash or push the dice, they had no idea, how she was actually manipulating the game. Looking at the glimpses of future, to know how the dice would fall. Something she did every other round, so the other players or the dice boy, wouldn't get suspicious. The woman couldn’t have been drawn by her stark white hair, now neatly tucked beneath a slightly rumpled but rather realistic wig, marking her as a daughter of the Emerald Banks, instead of the Isenfjrode. Especially paired with the pallid skin and assortment of freckles dusting her cheeks. The rest of her was as unremarkable as they come… rancid coat, rancid shirt and a pair of very nice breeches, she nabbed during one of her travels topside during the last dead night. When the moon wasn’t peering down with her baleful glare. So instead of fretting further, she fixed the woman in her best “This city shat me out so better don’t mess with me, asshole!”- stares and asked in the rough, slightly deeper voice she had picked up in this place: “Do I ‘ave sum’thin’ on me face or do we ‘ave a prublem Missy?” A thinly plucked eyebrow rose at the Sludge drawl and her head cocked ever so slightly. “No, not at all, your face is quite… pristine. Or at least in this environment I would call it that.” She scoffed, while noting her guess. The hairs on Fjinnas neck immediately stood on end. Magic… close. It was an effort not to gape at the woman, something she wouldn’t have managed, before coming here. That bitch… Her eyes quickly moved to her opponents hair, black, not too dark. Her eyes… they were… was she? “Ohh look at that… it seems like… great minds do think alike.” The lady chimed, really pushing the topside dialect she spoke in, eyes still on Fjinna. “I wonder, what else they could.. come up with..” Some of the other players now looked about them, confused, some brows were raised. “Cash out…” she hurriedly blurted, when she felt the tug. Not on her body or her mind… but on her soul. That stinging, ripping HE had been so proficient at, as the Eshari across from her tried to subdue her magic, chain her very soul.

#writing journal #journal #adhd #adhd problems #adhd brain #adhd meds #creative writing #writing #conan exiles #conan exiles screens

[asthepageturnsnook]

Self-obsessed

Self-obsessed

Looking in the mirror is a new hobby I've found

It started like any other hobby

Filled with insecurities about being new

Too skinny, weak, thick thighs

Insecurities slowly dissolving

And my attention shifted to the progress

Self-obsessed

When I look in the mirror now all I see is

Skinny, big biceps, not as weak, strong thighs

My mind constantly using pushups to deal with anxiety

Flexing to deal with insecurity

And excuses to deal with nerves

Self-obsessed

My family worried that I'll start looking like a man

Suffocating in the sports bra I got when I was 12

Wearing tight leggings and oversized T-shirts

Following gym girls on social media

Walking in everyday feeling like I'm on the stage but I can't pick up the weights

Self-obsessed

To a new level

The one where you think you might finally love yourself

Going to the gym becomes an everyday thing

The bra isn't as suffocating anymore

The stage doesn't seem as scary

But I still can't pick up the weight

Because it reminds me of the one that I carry all-day

The weight of the world

The judgments

The impressions

The beliefs

The dirty looks

And the fear of losing this weight

Self-obsessed

When the mirror isn't as scary anymore

I look into my mind

Trying to untangle the thoughts

Cut the strings people use to control me

Find some peace of mind again

But it's not as easy as doing pushups

It took me one week, one month, two years, and my journals still look the same

It's only the names that have changed

Self-obsessed

I can't breathe

I'm suffocated by my thoughts

The future seems scary

The past seems wrong

Maybe it's finally time for me to find love

I tell myself

My fear of commitment seems smaller than this

Self-obsessed

I found you when I was broken, hurt, and vulnerable

And I thought you were my other half

Logical, emotional, kind, caring, overprotective, and innocent

So we talk for hours and for months till we finally meet

And I realize you are not for me

You weren't the other half

You were the painting I put up to cover up the cracks in my wall

Where my self-esteem used to be

Self-obsessed

Like the characters in the TV shows I live in

It's easy to deal with problems when the writers have already written the ending

I live in these shows because they might have a happy ending

Something my life seems to lack

Self-obsessed

The suffocating feeling reduces

As I read the letter I've written to myself

The one I keep locked in a drawer for when I have a breakdown

I didn't know self-awareness could be this unhealthy

I tell my therapist

And she says it's only because I can't seem to figure out what the next step is

I ask the right questions

But I'm not ready to hear the answer

I read the right books but I'm not ready to apply them to my life

‘Atomic Habits’ was an interesting read

‘The subtle art of not giving a fuck’ was just the realization I needed

‘Atlas of the Heart’ helped me understand my feelings so much better

Self-obsessed

I use paintings to cover up a lot of things

Scars, wounds, insults, breakthroughs, love

But there's no paint left in the bottles anymore

And there's a lot of space left on the wall

I keep waiting to find new things to cover up

But I forget about the other paintings falling off

Every time I talk to you a panting falls off

Blinded by my creativity I didn't see the thought

The one that could have saved me from having to put up any paintings at all

I felt like I was waiting to finish the masterpiece

The one that makes my life look perfect

Tying all the paintings together, creating the missing piece

Self-obsessed

I finally see it all now

Therapy only helps when you are completely vulnerable

So I start burning one painting at a time

And filling the cracks with glue, gum, anything I can find

Because there’s no one solution that fits all

There’s no one way to control the mind

Rather a few primary colors that mix and give you the right shade

Teal for the daddy issues

Sky blue for the fear of failure

And burgundy for the insecurities that leave me in constant pain

Deep breathing, venting, journaling, and crying

These are my shades

I know they are just a temporary solution

But I can’t handle all of the painting falling off at once because when one starts burning it spreads like wildfire

self-obsessed

I start putting it out

The fire that is burning my wall

It seems pointless

I break

Start screaming

And hear someone say

“It’s overwhelming, I know

But it’s okay you can just let it out”

So I do

Just to open my eyes and realize I just had a breakdown, that’s all.

-vaib

[mxstball]

[1000 Cuts] Mist Stream

Rayquaza and Heidi were cuddling together under the stars. They were left alone, with Zygarde and the others tending to things downstairs. The two of them were silent for much of the night as they grew comfortable with each other. Still their silence was uneasy, as it was clear what was on both of their minds.

"You know, Rayquaza.... It's perfectly fine to mourn Izanami's death, even if we still are."

Hm?

Rayquaza looked over to her.

Yes, I... understand; however, now is not the time for my mourning. I must be here for each of you during this troubling time.

"Rayquaza. Hun. You know that I can tell how much you're hurting right now. You always try to hold your struggles in until either we've moved on or you can't hold it anymore. I get that you're just trying to be here for us, but... but I'm worried about you."

....

"...At least talk it out...?"

Rayquaza looked away but kept a more somber tone.

Andrea... informed me of what you said of becoming an Arceus before you learned of the truth.

"...." Heidi looked down at her hands and pulled out the Legend Plate again. She let out a large sigh. "Rayquaza, I'm really sorry. I-- I didn't know that it would come down to this."

Rayquaza shook his head.

There is nothing to apologize for, my dear.

"..." The Legend Plate disappeared as she clenched her fist.

If anything, I both understand the sentiment and agree with your assessment.

This is an unprecedented time for all of us. With Mother gone and the threat of destruction at our doorstep, it is important for someone to rise up and take the mantle as the new leader. Seeing that Mother had chosen you to be that leader, it is but definitive proof that you have proven yourself to care of this world as she once did, and proof to me that I chose the right woman to fall in love with and marry.

"..." A tear rolled down Heidi's face. Here she was, asking Rayquaza to open up, and yet she's the one that's getting ready to cry. "...You're an asshole. You know that, right? Got me crying and shit."

Rayquaza smiled before leaning in and licking her face.

Perhaps I am, but such is life, after all.

Heidi looked away and started blushing.

Nonetheless, the world needs you right now. The world needs you to be its protector and its comfort. It requests for you to become a shining example for the rest of us, so that those who share this realm with us would be inspired by your story and strive to live to the values that you embody... and, even if it requires for us to be apart and for you to walk a new journey, it will become far worth it in the end.

"...." This hurts.... This hurts so much. "And--and what about you, Rayquaza? What do you feel about this?"

Rayquaza shook his head.

Well, if you must know, I am... deeply saddened to know that I will have lost both my wife and my mother in a single string of events. Mother has meant the world to me and, even if she found herself into trouble, she always had our best interests at heart. As for us, our time together was always memorable. From the eventful battles to the quiet moments together, I have learned so much while with you, both about the world and about myself. I will always cherish those moments, no matter what the future has in store for us.

"...I guess you have me there." Heidi smiled at Rayquaza.

Rayquaza licked her face.

Finally, I... will ensure that I give myself the time to mourn. Perhaps I... should lean on the other dear and on the little ones a little more.

"I'm sure Zinnia will give you the time of day. Magearna and Jeanne and Andrea, too."

Your point is fair.

"Of course it is. I made it~."

Rayquaza and Heidi chuckled.

"...I love you, Rayquaza. I know I don't say it as much, and this'll probably be one of the last times I can say it, but... I really mean it."

I love you too, my dear. May your future endeavors be bright.

#muse rayquaza #plot: 1000 cuts #muse heidi