#so all that being said

[iamanartichoke]

I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -

I am fine with "the audience" -

downloading my fics

printing my fics

copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics

sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3

making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss

doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc

I am not fine with "the audience"

doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity

feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever

Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.

Enjoy the fandom things.

#fanfic #ao3 #archive of our own #fandom things #tumblr things #i may have said this at some point #i'm sure i have #but whatever - just in case #i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics #but just if anyone is so inclined that's all #ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog #i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting #but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen #not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy #at least of fics bc i save everything #not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about #that i've made or done and only posted here #anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today #i have plans to stare into the void now

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[thetimelordbatgirl]

The police in Scotland have the chance to do the most funniest thing right now.

#anti jk rowling #jk rowling #come on grant her wish #though imagine seeing laws coming in to deal with hate crimes #and just instantly throwing a childish style bigot fuelled tantrum #cause you wanna keep being a bigot without consquiences #its all freedom of speech until theres consquiences for said freedom of speech #and of course her fellow transphobes are trying to say the truth isnt a crime...what truth? transphobia??? #it counts as a hate crime now not sorry if your in scotland #enjoy getting consquiences for your bigotry #also shout out to someone saying it'd be funny if they only did so they could raid a literal castle #i too think there's at least someone on the force itching to do that

[valleynix]

Can you explain more on the reality stuff please?

of course!!

so, as has been mentioned/implied, there are multiple "realities" within TPtM; this just means there are other versions of this setting going on, or perhaps past versions that have already come to pass (like with the Watcher)

in TPtM, the megamycete ("Black God") is literally a deity. it can do whatever it wants, and this includes allowing T-Miranda (TPtM's Miri) to traverse different realities by bringing her consciousness from one body to another through the megamycete, which acts as a vessel, of sorts

T-Miranda fully believes she is the one to depart one reality and go to another when she realizes, once again, she has failed, but this is not the case. it is all the megamycete's doing, and each reality is connected through this (assuming it has one), thus allowing for easier reality traveling

(does this make sense?? 😭)

the Watcher is from one many, many decades ago, who has been forced to watch each reality unfold and watch themself from another "world" fall victim again and again to T-Miranda's (megamycete's) plans. because the megamycete itself is able to store memories of those that have passed, it is also able to store the memories of other realities it has visited, which allows the Watcher to see those past events unfold over and over

honestly, with how many realities she's visited and how many times she's both witnessed Eva die in her arms and her "perfect" vessel (Reader) succumb to insanity/failure, one would think she would give up, but her god is not a kind one, and it promises the next will work. the next will be the reality she is able to see her daughter once more.

different circumstances do arise in each reality; that's why Reader and the Watcher look a bit different, or why sometimes Reader simply does not exist in a reality, or even why Miranda does not exist in a reality. it's a lot like alternate universes, i guess ? freaky

i realize this sounds like the megamycete just has a personal vendetta against Reader in any reality, but that's not the case LMAO. it really doesn't care about them, and is simply more interested in seeing how far its influence/power can spread either through them or through T-Miranda, seeing how the little bird mutant in the other realities are literally indestructible bioweapons dead set on killing anything in their path

i hope that makes sense!! sometimes this stuff makes more sense in my head and i struggle putting it into words 😭

#asks #to promise the moon #to promise the lore #so all that being said #it can be assumed there is a reality where the dimis/reader dont even meet #or even one where the dimis aren't really a family #ones where reader is killed the moment theyre brought into the castle #ones where cass does manage to kill them before they can harm her family #etc etc #she is also a victim to a higher being unfortunately <3 #she is told time and time again that she must continue if she wants to see eva again #or that if she gives up now she wont get her gift of seeing her daughter #yknow. hardcore manipulation #it is truly all she wants and she has lost a very large chunk of her to insanity #she no longer even recognizes the face staring back at her in mirrors #but what does she care what happens to these husks? she can always try again #:)

[shatouto]

i've seen a poll about gale and anders but i feel like this one is a more difficult one to answer

#baldur's gate 3 #dragon age #see i think astarion wouldn't want to damage his nails. but also he has vampire reflexes #on the other hand fenris is.... fenris #personally imma go with fenris #edit: ok apparently y'all think this is an easy question sjdjsksk #no i legit was trying to be fair to astarion! he is pretty strong in melee (especially when he fights dirty)! #i mean it he's the dps in my party full of casters (maybe that's the problem...) #edit 2: my soul is pledged to fenris but istg y'all are so mean to astarion in the tags 😭😭😭 #edit 3: okay fine i should've said a fight instead of a fistfight..... sorry astarion #you all should know that every mention of fenris's strength makes me 🥵 btw. as it always goes #edit 4: the astarion roasting is starting to feel more like me being roasted personally and ya know what i deserved it-

[14dayswithyou]

💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖

For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!

The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^

What's been added to the 3.5 version?

📺 Streamer Mode!

I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.

Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh

This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!

⚙️ Custom Pronouns!

It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;

Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!

💗 Choose how others perceive you!

You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.

For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!

📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!

You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3

Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!

I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;

I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao

📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!

You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!

Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!

I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;

It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)

🖤 Additional Scenes Update!

Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!

If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.

After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga

🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!

I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!

I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.

Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.

How to download and play the update?

(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!

Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)

Enjoy!!

#14 days with you #14dwy #💖 — 14 days with queue. #🖤 — updates. #🖤 — spoilers. #I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately #Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To It™️ #(''it'' bein the grind 💪 It never stops lmao /silly) #OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'll— #—make ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;) #However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing) #So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me from— #—continuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue #—this kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3 #Aaaaaanways!! 😮‍💨 #My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folks— #—again in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!! #This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v; #Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe #🖤 — shut up sai.

[nibbelraz]

I completely forgot about the second "Daddy Airplane" incident

#svsss #shang qinghua #implied Moshang #sqh #scum villian self saving system #scum villains self saving system #scum villain's self saving system #scum villain #I was re reading and realized he SAID IT TWICE #WHERE ARE ALL THE DADDY AIRPLANE FICS IM BEING DEPRIVED OF WHEN HE SAID THIS TWICE IN THE EXTRASSSS #pLEASEEE I NEED #god i absolutely love SQH no one else is doing it like him #Mobei jun was literally crawling and ripping open the entire kingdom to find him even after he did this #theyre so perfect for each other wow #my art #nibbelraz

[raepliica]

priest guy sending mixed signals, what is he up to?🤨🕶🤏

~~~

[Image Description: A warm-toned comic featuring Trigun98 characters. It opens with Vash shouting "YOWCH!!" as a half-eaten donut flies through the air, a bruise on Vash's tongue. Meryl, editing papers, is annoyed as he complains: "Ow! Ow! I bi'e my 'ongue..." "What's the rush?" Meryl asks, "They're all yours." Vash, still hurt, tries to explain: "They're jus' sooo good!" Meryl argues back, "Well, savour it then!" Wolfwood has been watching the scene unfold as Meryl continues, "Satisfying your sweet tooth doesn't come cheap, unfortunately." Wolfwood clicks his lighter open and closed, again and again. Without a word, he leans closer, his thumb on Vash's lips. "Wolfwood...?" Vash trails off. Then, Wolfwood opens Vash's mouth and knicks his thumb on one of Vash's canines in one fell swoop. "Wah? Huh??" Vash says as Wolfwood pulls his bleeding thumb away. He licks the blood off the wound then snickers at Vash. Meryl looks disgusted, Vash has lit up in an embarrassed explosion, and Milly remarks, curious: "Those are surprisingly sharp, Mr. Vash!" Question marks float around Vash, and his donuts lay discarded on the table. Each panel is signed by raepliica. End ID]

#trigun #trigun 1998 #trigun 98 #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #meryl stryfe #milly thompson #vashwood #raepliica_art #ww has a thing for vash's fangs (because i said so) #i just know ww has had some interesting thoughts about those fangs the moment he noticed them‼️🦅🦅💥🦅💥 #tbh i saw a wolf skull and went haha vash fangies (proceeded to black out for a week to draw this) #98ww is the most normal ww?🤔 WRONG‼️ he's a freak like the other ones! but kinda in a different way #ww flustering vash by being the weirder one>>>>>> #meryl's dwindling sanity as collateral damage<3 #if u squint real hard this is a polygun art #okay maybe it doesn't look like it at all... but it is to me #polycule casually hanging out and one of them HAS to be a freak in public ugh🙄🙄 #anyway im rambling ajsksh🏃🏃 #enjoy this full colour comic i did to practice while thinking i had lost the ability to colour:] (this is what only doing b&w will do to u) #described #thank you starberry-skies for the id!!♥︎

[odetojupiter]

the fact that kevin day also witnessed a man being chopped up in the tower at evermore after neil’s audition is mad, and it’s something that is very much not addressed ever. like, maybe part of kevin was so accepting of how things were in the nest because he knew that this is the second branch, and if he were to leave, he’d become the main branch’s problem because he knows too much, and the main branch casually chops men up as a warning to literal children. and then he’s still called a coward for leaving ?? but also a coward for wanting to go back to make the inevitable less painful for him ??? and that’s not even considering what riko and tetusji did to him specifically, before even jean arrived at the nest. and his mother’s death would’ve been quite recent at that point. just insane.

#like i’m pretty sure the man being chopped up was the final straw for mary to take neil and run #and kevin saw that and wasn’t allowed to leave #so he accepted that maybe where he is is the better of two options and decided it’s okay because at least he gets to play exy #so exy became his only escape because if he was so scared that if he were to leave the nest he’d be the next one given to the butcher #it’s not until he doesn’t have exy anymore cause riko took it from him that he leaves #god i have so many thoughts but i am going to stop now #aftg #all for the game #kevin day #neil josten #so you’ll believe that neil was scared of nathan for a good reason but won’t believe kevin was scared of riko for good reason #(i said i’d stop but i did not) #and tetsuji #like even in tsc kevin is still calling tetsuji the master without hesitation

[satelliteduster]

oh my god i forgot to post my absolute favorite strip from gay comix (issue #2, 1981)

#this collection is full of so many hilarious vignettes #between the fictional and biographical they range from hilarious to saddening but theyre all candid looks at #lgbt life in the 60s 70s and 80s #id recommend it if you're interested in older underground work #edit: for ppl who notice the opening blurb i will say this: #1. Many artists in the underground comix scene (yes the lgbt ones too) delighted in being overly provocative for the sake of it #hence the cringeworthy 'political unity is not the goal' line #2. i worried abt this too when i started going thru the issues but there are quite a few strips and comics focusing on the trans experience #that said. there are unfortunately not a lot of transgender artists involved in this collection #3. given the preceding two points i think its fair to say that a good chunk of the strips in gay comix just. Suck #but like they actually said it's important that we're capable of recognizing that a full 40 years down the line #so we can actually learn something from the life experiences the mistakes and even the lack of perspective tht sm of these artists displayed #nocturnal writings

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Good Morning, World.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jiang yanli #jiang cheng #'Good Morning World' because to wwx the jiang household is what grounds him. It is his burrow and blanket. #The familiar soup and banter is his home. The familiar arguments and tension are also his home. #Notice how quickly he throws LWJ to the side once he has JC back in reach! 'He was so boring; I wish *you* were there!' #WWX is very quick to constantly remind himself that he fits within a very specific power structure and role. #He pushes boundaries but almost always only the boundaries that he knows he can push against. #Sitting here now and realizing that if WWX did take life more seriously and act more diligent he would totally usurp JC. #Because the contrast with Them (tm) is wwx is the one that gets in trouble and JC is the one that sticks to the rules. #That responsible appearance especially in contrast is the thin line that holds JC's self-esteem together. #And lets be fully honest. From JC's perspective the last week was also extremely intense and stressful. #It truly was a feat to travel so far so fast despite also being exhausted. Never knowing if it is all in vain. #JC said with his actions 'I would move mountains for you and dig through stone with my bare hands if it meant reaching you.' #and WWX said '[read]' #It's about wwx chronically asking 'why would someone care for me? I'm always tool to be used' than accepting that people love him.

[fruity-arts]

What do you mean dress up??? The extremely cute and flawless fairy princess guardian of your dreams is here!!!!

#AAAAAAAAAAAAAA lilia vanrouge. #lilia dressing up as a princess so little silver can dress up as a knight to save him from the dragon (malleus) is real to me also #but I just needed to draw peepaw being a silly princess #had fun rendering this :] #I was playing around a bit with brushes #he gets a crown AND a bow because I said so #twisted wonderland #twst #twst fanart #diasomnia #lilia vanrouge #twisted wonderland fanart #disney twisted wonderland #also kinda random but I loveeee Lilia’s room #I want to look through all his souvenirs and trinkets #twst art

[egophiliac]

still absolutely losing my mind over Lilia

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #sebek: wow we're so lucky to see lilia-sama at his fighting prime. so commanding! so powerful! #lilia: (straight up stuffs a frog in his mouth without breaking eye contact) #seriously though i did not think it was possible for me to enjoy lilia even more. and yet. #'dragon eggs need love in order to hatch' #ten year old me: gasp. i knew it. #the IMPLICATIONS though! #forget true love's kiss we have true love's baby dragon over here #also twst. twst please. i do feel i need to call you out a little bit on malleus' age #i don't really have a problem with it i was just. surprised. #i mean i GUESS the description of dragon ages was vague enough that malleus being under 200 doesn't inherently contradict it #it could've been clearer okay :( #that said it is true that the younger malleus is the more hilarious his whole world-weary immortal schtick is #'ah...you are all as infants in comparison to me. ' - malleus (age 19) #also lilia being a foundling does explain him not knowing his real birthday. so i will forgive (1) birth-related shenanigan. #auuuugh the parallels between lilia and silver #brb i need to go roll around on the ground and mutter to myself for a while

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.'' #bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less. #and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help. #we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

[vsprtn]

i do truly love ls dunes but it wasnt always that way when they first released their album i was like oh cool project but wasn't interested in listening because an article or something had credited anthony green as being the vocalist of Saosin (but didn't mention anything else) and then in the same sentence mentioned travis of Coheed and Cambria. now i had never heard saosin but i was familiar with c&c and they're great but not my favorite and therefore i assumed saosin was the same sound and through my brilliant deductive skills decided ls dunes must be the same and so i agreed to support but not ever try and get into the band's music itself.UNTIL ONE DAY A WEEK OR SO AGO WHEN I SAW THAT SOMEONE CREDITED ANTHONY AS THE FUCKING VOCALIST OF FUCKING CIRCA SURVIVE AND MY HEAD GOT ALL OF A SUDDEN VERY LIGHT AS I REALIZED THAT I LOVED CIRCA SURVIVE'S VOCALIST AND SO I WOULD PROBABLY LOVE LS DUNES AND I LISTENED TO LS DUNES AND WAS CORRECT. and i posted a tweet when the realization hit me and it's been my only tweet to breach like 30 likes. and it's been my stupidest moment of all time. the end.

#so all that being said #i probably dont deserve those ls dunes tickets #but at least im into them now?

[mabbbish]

wonderful day to remember ninjago has a canon highschool au

#mad as hell i posted this like two days ago and tumblr ate it then logged me out of my acc???? #lloyd has dyed blue hair inspired by mr snail dood inspired by that one ninjago scriptwriter that said he would btw. if you even care #anyway there are many scenarios buzzing in my noggin about gaps in the movie i’m filling them all with hcs #like i am so sure nya could go into service or social work or law or security because shes a genius when it comes to laws and rights #but she has anger issues and she hates authority so she can’t get a job anywhere #that’s why she loves being a ninja!! #plus her steel cap boots are for stomping on people!!! #hate zane’s characterisation in the movie it’s creepy asf in this he’s just everyone’s favourite lab partner #anyway more hcs in art cominbb soon #ninjago #the lego ninjago movie #tlnm #lego ninjago #lloyd garmadon #ninjago lloyd #ninjago jay #ninjago nya #kai smith #nya smith #ninjago kai #ninjago cole #ninjago zane