#so I’m gonna buy my weight worth in it

[miammey]

Puppy Love ❤️

#Happy Valentine’s Day #all the chocolate goes on sale tomorroe #so I’m gonna buy my weight worth in it #granted that’s only 100 pounds of chocolate #but that’s more than enough to last a week #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs manga #bsd hunting dogs #the hunting dogs #my art #art #bsd jouno #jouno saigiku #bsd tecchou #tecchou suehiro #suegiku #saihiro

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

Taking care of Coryo afte the bombing. He's being stubborn and doesn't want to rest and maybe says something hurtful to reader?

I started over three times...I hope you like it

Warnings: mention on bombing and deaths

my taglists are here + you can send requests here at any time

—

You were sitting by his side when Coriolanus’ eyes slowly opened, stirring from his deep sleep. He shifted in the bed and made a sound of discomfort, his shoulder throbbing. 

‘’Easy, you’re gonna hurt yourself,’’ you said, helping him off his stomach and into a more comfortable position. 

The scene had been horrifying to watch on the screen of the academy. No one knew exactly what had happened as the area wasn’t a very secured place. The screen had turned black after catching some of the explosions, leaving everyone in the auditorium worried for their fellow classmates — and tributes.

You brushed a hand through his hair, looking down at him. ‘’How are you feeling?’’ 

Coryo’s eyes met your concerned gaze. ‘’Lucy Gray, is she..?’’ he asked, a fog enveloping his mind. 

‘’She is okay,’’ you reassured him. ‘’They took all the remaining tributes back at the Capitol zoo.’’ 

‘’I’m guessing they’re still going with the games.’’ 

You nodded. ‘’Do you remember what happened in the arena?’’ 

Coriolanus winced, trying to piece together the fragments of his memory. ‘’It’s all a blur,’’ he admitted, his brow furrowing. ‘’Explosions, fire and…people were running and more bombs going off. Lucy Gray and I got knocked down when the first bomb exploded. I tried to get back up, but a piece of the arena’s structure fell on me. She came back for me.’’

You gave a sympathetic smile, continuing to run your fingers through his disheveled hair. You had been so worried when Tigris told you a piece of the structure had fallen on her cousin during the bombing. ‘’They were old bombs some rebels must have placed between the end of the last games and now. The area is not well secure, so they could have gotten in at night.’’

Tigris returned shortly with Sejanus behind her. He was bringing information on the tributes and mentors' conditions. Coriolanus nodded as his friend spoke, absorbing the information while you held his hand, stroking the back with your thumb. Four tributes and two mentors had died. 

‘’Wherever Marcus is right now, he has more chances at survival than in the arena,’’ Sejanus said, still cursing his father for buying his old friend as tribute. It was sick. 

Coriolanus sighed, the weight of the games and the Plinth prize still on his shoulders.  

‘’You should rest,’’ you said to Coryo after Sejanus left. 

‘’I don’t have time to rest. The games are tomorrow. I need to think of a strategy so I can make my tribute win—’’ He tried to sit up, his face twisting with pain. ‘’Fuck.’’ 

‘’You don’t care about the girl! I know you’re doing this for the Plinth prize, but no amount of money is worth risking your health for. You need to rest, Coryo.’’ 

A bitter retort escaped his lips. ‘’Says the one who’s family is bathing in money.’’ He stood, seeking support from the wall as his head began to spin from the concussion. ‘’If I don’t win this money, everyone will know about the Snow family’s downfall. There was an eviction notice on our door last week. Tigris tried to hide it from me, but I saw it. We can barely afford food, how are we gonna pay rent? I need to go to university. I have to support my family. Without the Plinth prize, none of this can happen.’’ 

His state of panic made his head hurt from the heavy thinking. Coriolanus groaned, the pain intensifying, and released the wall to cradle his head in his hands, causing him to lose balance.  Instinctively, you moved swiftly, grabbing him before he could fall, and guided him back on the bed. 

‘’I may not know what it’s like to struggle financially, but don't hold it against me for being born into my family,’’ you said, not allowing him to make you feel bad for your social class. He couldn’t take his frustrations out on you. ‘’I don’t prance around my family’s money like our classmates do, or look down on the less fortunate. If you want to secure this prize, you need to lie back and rest. You can’t make your tribute win if you can’t even stand on your feet.’’ 

One thing you had learned these past years was that Coriolanus was the most stubborn person you knew. His determination could never be underestimated, a trait that often bordered on obstinacy. It was a crucial part of what made him who he was. Fortunately, you were one of the only people who knew how to reason with him and talk him down when he was being unreasonable. It wasn't always an easy feat, considering his unyielding nature, but you had honed the skill of navigating through his stubbornness.

He let out a sigh of defeat, knowing you were right. ‘’What am I gonna do?’’ Fear and desperation laced his voice, pulling at your heartstrings. 

You sat beside him and gently placed your hands on his face. ‘’We’ll figure something out,’’ you promised, letting him know he wasn’t alone. ‘’For now, you’re gonna lie back in bed while I find you something to eat. I can hear your stomach screaming.’’

Coryo managed a faint smile, appreciating your concern. ‘’It’s not that loud...’’ 

You gave him a look as his stomach betrayed him with a loud noise. ‘’I’ll be right back.’’

—

Hunger games / BOASAS taglist: @crossyourmindrights @ziggyneedsabreak @folkloreshorts @runningfrom2am @soulessien @itzfckingreal @creedsofapollo @heart-helmet  @javden @definitelykyles @pumkinnroses @pepperonipastas  @arzua10 @upwritingallnight @cruzgrecia @evelestrange

All and more taglist: @spiokybirdstarfish @kenqki @liidiaaag @hawkegfs  @gillybear17  @areaderinlove @acornacreacure @black-rose-29 @fudge13 @cece05 @rosie-cameron @Caxddce @laylasbunbunny @gemofthenight @beautyb1ade  @hi-bored-as-fcuk-rn  @lovelyy-moonlight @mellabella101 @vxnity713  @marzipaanz  @bisexualgirlsblog @queenofslytherin889 @thatbxtchesblog @softb-tterfly @ethanlandrycanbreakmyheart  @xyzstar  @graceberman3  @Heartsforneteyamsully  @aerangi  @hallecarey1  @bxbyyyjocelyn @mikeyspinkcup @jackierose902109 @daisydark @laurasdrey @mischieftom @fanatic4niall @peterholland04 @idkwhattonamethisblogs @grxnde-dwt @lexasaurs634 @teeeree13 @notasadgirlipromise @zoeynicolas @thejuleshypothesis @multi-fandom-bi-bitch @lexasaurs634 @teeeree13 @notasadgirlipromise @thejuleshypothesis@Shasta89 @sierraluvz @specialk6802  @CZARINERA @katherinejess

#coriolanus snow #coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus snow imagine #the hunger games #the ballad of songbirds and snakes

[karlwriting]

How Gojo shows you his love

Featuring - Gojo SFW + NSFW

More characters coming!

Reblog and likes are appreciated:)

Gojo ．◆．◆．

SFW

buys 2 sets of the same dessert so he can give you one. He likes trying new desserts with you. Your fridge is always filled with cakes and kikufuku.

"good things worth sharing angel, tho i am not gonna share you to anyone *winks* " he stuffs more matcha cakes in your fridge.

“Satoru I have gained 3 pounds this month!” You protest to him.

“So what? I love the way you are, i am in love with the concept of you, not your body.” He walks closer to you.

“But if you are that concerned with your weight, we can always do exercise together *smooch*, hard exercise.”

Gojo Only turns off his infinity when he is alone with you. he wants you to be able to feel all of him, guiding your hand from touching his snowy hair, then his bare chest, finally to his firm waist. He pants a little every time your fingertips move closer to his abdomen.

"Holy... Gojo sensei! what happened to you?" Yuji saw there is a bruise on Gojo's left cheeks. Is it possible that the strongest sorcerer got beaten up? "Got beaten up by a cat." Gojo gently rubs his bruise and giggles at how your elbow accidentally hit him cuz you were overstimulated last night.

Gojo becomes a punctual person for you. The higher ups always complained to you of how disrespectful your boyfriend is, cuz he was usually late for meeting. Gojo gets so pissed knowing the higher ups are bothering you because of him. So he shows up to the meeting on time to shut their mouths up.

“I’m going out now angel, i’ll see you tonight.” Gojo kisses your forehead then opens the front door.

“Oh one thing, did the higher ups bother you again?” He asks you before closing the door.

“Nope, cuz you are so punctual for me now.”

Gojo enjoys caging you suddenly just to tease you - on wall, on bed, just whatever he can lay his hands on. This white haired cocky ass even does this in public with NO SHAME. Watching his tiny girlfriend being stuffed in such a small area is way too exciting for him - area made by his arms. You are nowhere to be seen in Gojo’s over 190cm figure.

You secretly made some kikufuku last night to surprise Gojo. As you sneak into his office and put the kikufuku on his desk, you feel someone standing close, caging you on his desk from behind.

“We are in your office! What if Yuji comes in and sees us?”

“But a cute cat just sneaked in to my office~*sees the kikufuku* is it for me? Lord you are too precious… i must have saved the whole universe in my past life.” Gojo says as he nuzzles the crook of your neck. You gently turn around hug him back.

NSFW

Gojo likes to see you get overstimulated before he penetrates you. He usually makes you cum for a few times on his fingers and mouth first. His fingers are so long that he can easily reach your sweetest spot.

His fingers are pumping in and out in a fast and steady pace. The squelch sounds filling all over the room.

“Getting so ready for me angel? Lord… can you see how much juice you are leaking? So fucking good for me baby.”

“Satoru! I can’t take it anymore -!!” Gojo leans down to lick your clit, still pumping his fingers as he sees you are almost there. You can feel his tongue moving in a circular motion, triggering every nerve of yours. He is panting so much that his moist breath is so ticklish. You didn’t take long to reach your 3rd orgasm.

“Such a good girl… but don’t get tired already, gotta make you feel hundred times nicer with something better.” He grinds his rock hard erection to your entrance.

Gojo groans A LOT, praises you A LOT, and kisses you A LOT during sex. Pounding into you in doggy style is always his all time favourite, he enjoys groaning closely behind your ears to give you goosebumps.

You are being caged on bed by Gojo from behind, feeling him pounding into you relentlessly.

“It’s such a waste that my baby doesn’t get to see what i see. Do you know how beautiful you are when i am taking you from behind? Fuck - don’t squeeze me like that” His thrusts are getting rougher and sloppier, dear lord… your man is such a groaner.

“Slow down Satoru…” you are gonna get fucked dumb by this man.

“You feel so incredible, let’s cum together baby? Shit…I’m cumming-” You feel his cock is twitching inside you, and his body is shaking a lot as you both going through the orgasm.

“Baby you wanna squeeze me dry don’t you? You are fucking amazing.” He says as he lies down next to you, pulling you close for a kiss.

#gojo satoru #gojo x reader #jjk fluff #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #yuuta x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo fluff #gojo smut #gojo x you

[onsunnyside]

bratty stepsis and stepbro Ari 🫣

at a poor soul’s Halloween party:

You stare up at him, eyes glazed over with his spit smeared across your lips. His old hockey mask is up and jeans are unbuttoned and pulled down. He’s so big above you, strong enough to manhandle your legs over his shoulder to keep you spread open.

You should be scared of how loud he’s groaning, or the fact that he cornered you in here with a fake knife—“what are you gonna do, Jason? Stab me?” He didn’t, obviously, but he did kiss you senseless and shove you onto the bed.

Your costume? A sexy farm girl with his flannel tied up over stomach and the smallest jean shorts he’s ever seen.

You gasp sharply when the tip prods at your hole. “Ari!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m not gonna put it inside, ya brat.” He huffs, slapping your clit with his cock. Your slick coats him and drips down your ass to the sheets. Whoever’s house this was, they’ll have some cleaning to do later. “Not all the way.”

“Don’t you dare, you bastard.” You hold back a moan as his saliva lands on your slit, warm and wet, sliding down to your weepy hole. “You know I’m not on the pill.”

Why the fuck not? You slept around. It was like you wanted to get knocked up—and Ari was entirely into that idea. His fist tightens as his hips speed up, he thrusts into his fist as the leaky head slides through your folds, fucking your puffy button.

“I’ll buy you anything you want.” He prods at your hole again, this time lingering until you push him away. “Drive you anywhere, I’ll even let you use my fingers whenever you want.”

“N-Not worth it.”

“Don’t you wanna feel me deep inside, filling you up? Feel daddy’s cum pumping into your pretty pussy, getting you all fuckin’ messy?”

He lowers until you’re pinned to the bed, trapped under his weight. The underside of his cock rubs up against your clit with every rock of his hips. At the sight of the fat tip sliding between your folds, bubbling with pre cum, you almost give in.

“Let your big step brother cum inside you, use you like a little cumdump.”

“You’re fucking gross.”

He laughs, “says the girl who woke me up by sitting in my face.”

#slutty nutty party #fic drabble #bratty stepsis x stepbro ari #wips ask #tw stepcest #stepbrother ari levinson #stepdad!ari levinson #Ari Levinson #Ari Levinson x reader #Ari Levinson smut #Ari Levinson fanfic #Ari Levinson fanfiction #tw nsft link #spicy videos #ari levinson x fem!reader #ari levinson x female reader

[elmoees]

ミ★ 𝘚𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 ★彡 (jjk ll)

summary: snippets of a summer with the jjk men part two :)

- word count. 928

- contents. implied fem!reader, no use of (y/n), nicknames (babe, love, princess, ect), established relationships (boyfriend/husband), canon world but little is mentioned, curse? sukuna, mentions of nobara and maki, mentions of yuuji's impending death, minimal/no cursing, fluff drabbles so no warnings required but a little angsty!

- notes. have fun reading! second post :p

jjk l part - haikyuu version - one piece version

ミ★ 𝘐𝘵𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘪 ★彡

Was it a mistake to take a trip to the corner store at 11’oclock? Maybe, but was it worth it? Absolutely. As Yuuji walked over with his arms full of snacks, you couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculous amount. “Do we really need all of that? How much do we need for a movie night?” he could only gawk at the statement. 

“Babe! We can’t watch a movie without chips and soda, c’mon be serious.” Raising your hands in defense you pretend to back off, “I’m totally serious, ‘m always serious!” 

Yuuji stuck his tongue out and walked over to the cashier, not dropping a thing. He was a man on a mission, and clearly it was a success. 

“Lets go! I still gotta show you the Human Earthworm series!” The pink haired male bounced towards the exit with two plastic bags in tow. Yuuji’s enthusiasm never failed to get you excited for even the most mundane of things. He had been hyping up this series as some sort of gory slasher, though apparently the third was lacking in taste. Even with that detail in mind, he had gotten you hooked with the promise of a movie marathon date after the rough week you both had. 

He was still the vessel of one of the most dangerous beings in all of existence, and you… well you were nothing special, not in the grand scheme of things. Your knowledge of the Jujutsu world started and ended with Yuuji, and you think when he was gone that’d be it for you too. 

So for now without the weight of the world on your shoulders, you’d enjoy this crappy movie franchise and over-priced snacks with the love of your life. For both your sakes, everything else could come later. 

“Okay! Okay, ‘m coming.” 

ミ★ 𝘔𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘮𝘪 ★彡

“I can’t believe you made me to do this…” Megumi’s voice was deep as he grumbled into your ear. The day was warm, and seeing as it was a weekend you had decided to spend part of your free time strawberry picking. You could only smile to yourself as the both of you continued down the rows of small green bushes, “Oh yeah? What’s wrong with a few berries ‘Gumi?” The tone was questioning as you leaned down to take a few of the small red fruits. 

“I just- wouldn’t you rather be doing this with Nobara and Zenin?” The dark haired boy asked with a pout. 

“Huh? No, cos they’re not my boyfriend and they wouldn’t make me as happy as you do.” You replied, reaching down with your extra hand to grab his free one. Even after almost a year he was still shy when it came to this sort of affection. “Besides, who’s gonna buy me a lemonade after we’re done?”

“Me,” you nodded turning to face him. With a smile as bright as the sun shining above, you kissed Megumi’s reddening cheek and watch him flush even more. 

“Uh-huh, and you’ll get even more kisses for it!” 

Just a year ago, he could’ve never imagined himself here with you. Fighting curses and taking on the world left little time for leisure, let alone love. There were only a handful of Sorcerers that he had heard of with partners, and to say he was now one was shocking. The world was dark, and he had always known that - But you, oh incredible you, made it brighter than ever. 

Leaning back down to kiss you in return, he said “Wouldn’t have it any different, Love.” 

ミ★ 𝘚𝘶𝘬𝘶𝘯𝘢 ★彡

As day turned into evening, you had suggested a nice walk with your husband. Sukuna had elected you both take the long route to make it a date, and with no complaints the two of you headed on out. 

“We should do this more often, Princess.” He said, voice a little distant. Normally he was heated, whether it was work or some other villain of the week, there was always something bubbling under the surface of his skin. With a nudge to his shoulder you give him a sly smile, “Yeah, well if ya weren’t so busy maybe we could, Handsome.” 

He gave a nod, and for a while more you continued to walk in a comfortable silence. “What are you thinkin’ about ‘Kuna? Don’t want ya to pop a blood vessel over this,” you nudged him again, and went to wrap an arm around his. 

“Just… Just about how much I don’t deserved this, ‘m not good for ya- and don’t even start you know I’m not.” The pink haired male settled into your touch, taking a few breaths. 

When you two had met all those years ago, he hadn’t been a good person. Truth be told you didn’t known if he was one now - but he was good to you. It wasn’t such a surprise for him to be thinking this way, ‘King of Curses’ didn’t hold much in terms of hope after all. “Well, maybe this isn’t about what you deserve? You got me, you’ve have me, and now you can keep loving me. Like I do for you,” 

“I’m not a good person,” a nod 

“I’ll hurt you,” a hum 

“But, I do love you…” and that you knew, he wouldn’t have cared enough to be here otherwise. 

You loved him too, that much was clear. You had changed for him, you had cried for him, and somewhere along the line you had fallen too deep to come back. Hopefully, that was the kind of love he felt as well. 

“Mhm, and I you.”

 ©elmoees 2023

#itadori yuuji x reader #fushiguro megumi x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jjk itadori #jjk megumi #jjk sukuna #jujutsu kaisen #itadori yuuji #fushiguro megumi #ryomen sukuna #jjk.<3

[onboardsorasora]

Tennis AU because Daniel's photo dump made me happy today!

Part 1 | Part 13 | Part 15

Part 14

Max hauled himself out of the water, flashing his sodden hair out of his eyes. He smiled a crinkly smile at his boyfriend who was bundled in a towel on the deck and looking more cozy than anyone had the right to be while on a boat out in open water.

Deciding that he needed to change that, he cleared the five steps that separated them, ripped the towel off and instead laid his soaked form on Daniels. The boisterous, joyous laugh that Daniel let out was worth it.

Daniel smiled widely at Max, circling his arms around his broad, wet shoulders and pulling him close. It was like snuggling under a sodden, weighted blanket and he couldn’t be more comfortable. He felt Max relax above him, his head tilted into the curve of Daniel’s neck. They laid quietly for a little, listening to the music playing from inside the cabin and the captain chattering with Blake.

“If you’re gonna fall asleep, we should probably go find a bed.” Daniel teased as Max’s breathing got deeper.

“If we find a bed, neither of us will be sleeping.” Max mouthed at his neck, to be a little shit.

“I’m sure we’ve like traumatized Blake enough.”

“I’m not sure we have. There’s still opportunity, maybe.”

They both giggled, knowing they’ve truly been a menace to the two other men on holiday with them. They didn’t feel bad about it, but they’d already agreed to buy both Blake and Michael an apology gift. They haven’t quite agreed on what it was yet; Daniel thought that wine would suffice but Max wasn’t on board yet.

They lapsed into silence again, the water lapping at the sides of the boat adding an additional sound to their atmosphere.

“After you win Wimbledon, you should come to Zandvoort.” Max nosed Daniel’s neck as he spoke, it was one of his favourite parts. Daniel had honestly thought he fell asleep.

“So sure of my victory, yeah?” Daniel squeezed his arms around Max’s shoulders again, unable to stop his body from squirming happily at the amount of faith Max had in him.

“Yeah, obviously.” As far as Max was concerned, there was no other option. Daniel was going to win it. He didn’t need to give it more thought than that, however, there was a different pressing matter to discuss. “Did you ask Blake about the shorts yet?” He smiled widely when he felt Daniel snort beneath him.

“Babe, you should’ve seen the look he gave me!” Daniel giggled some more, "I thought waiting till like we were drinking to ask him was a better plan than asking sober. He absolutely knows what we want to do with those shorts Maxy and he’s not amused that one"

“It's not like he needs to tell them what we want it for, he just needs to ask them for another pair.” Max said it like it was so simple, knowing it was anything but. They were essentially demanding that Blake ask Daniel’s sponsor for a new pair of a five year old design. If Daniel could spend some time actually at home, maybe he could find the original pair. But until then, maybe this was the quickest path.

“I haven’t seen them, but maybe this year’s shorts are similar?” Daniel wondered aloud. “I mean, they just need to be tight around the tush, yeah?”

“I guess,” Max groused, pretending to be put out that his original dream might be falling through. “They’ll still look good when I cum all over them after you win.”

“I’m gonna be so hard on the fuckin’ grass now, I hate you.” Daniel complained, tilting his head backwards on the bench morosely. 

Max smiled a cheeky smile, “you do not, you love me.” He teased before tensing, he glanced up at what he could see of Daniel’s face from his position. 

Daniel’s face remained skyward and soft, he pressed his tongue behind his teeth. “Yeah, you’re right. I do.” His lips fell open in a smile when he felt Max lean back to hover over him. They locked eyes and Daniel’s smile widened. “I love you Maxy.”

Daniel had the pleasure of watching Max’s face transform. He had always thought his boyfriend to be a beautiful man, with his square jaw, bright blue eyes and that darling freckle on his lip. But this Max was brighter than the sun and Daniel needed to be in his orbit. He surged up and kissed him, licking over his favourite freckle in the process. Max leaned into the kiss easily, unable to fully knock the smile off of his lips.

Max eased back and Daniel tried to follow him, causing another bright smile to bloom. “Wait Daniel. I, of course, have to tell you that I love you too.” He said it while Daniel pepper kisses where he could reach from his angle.

“Maybe we should go find that bed, so you could show me just how much, yeah?” Daniel said between kisses, melting a little more at Max’s joyous laugh.

Max dragged them both up and they giggled like teenagers while they barrelled down the stairs below deck.

“Oh come on there’s other people on this boat you cunts!” Blake called from bow, they both knew he was rolling his eyes at them.

“Turn up the music then!” Daniel called with a cackle before slamming the cabin door. Inside the room they giggled to each other as they heard the volume of the speaker system indeed go up.

“I love you Daniel.” Max stepped into Daniel’s space, slotting his hands on his boyfriend’s hips. Daniel’s smile was blinding.

“I love you too, Maxy.”

#they love each other 🥹🥹🥹 #maxiel #max/daniel #dr3 #mv33 #tennis player!dan #tennis!dan #tennis au #maybe i should write more tennis lol

[trailmixedup]

OKAY! So!! I am one week post op from top surgery and here are the things I have learned:

• nothing prepares you for how fucking bloated you get. It is emotionally and physically devastating.

• eat protein or you’re going to start dreaming about it.

• get ready to literally not have any reading comprehension or speaking ability until you’re after the heavy pain med. and then after that as well…

• holy shit your back is gonna hurt. You can’t crack it. No twisting.

• you can’t use ice packs on your actual chest, but they’re lifesavers to sleep with- I put mine under my neck on my pillow to keep my neck from cramping.

• the pressure and tension on your chest is uncomfortable but not unbearable. Mostly it’s just annoying.

• you need pockets. Dear gods you NEED pockets.

• you do not want pants with a button. The button pants will not fit and it will make you sad. It’s just not even worth trying. Just have drawstring pants, it’s easier on the ego.

• wiping your ass is hard now. I’m sorry.

• blowing your nose hurts. Sneezing hurts. Coughing hurts. Laughing hurts. Just… avoid needing too much lung capacity all at once.

• If you have body hair prepare for your compression garments to hurt. My skin is so tender and painful all of the time. And there’s no break.

• if you keep your nipples you won’t be allowed to shower for 2 weeks. You’re going to start stinking. Have someone around you that is willing to wash your hair like how they wash babies hair. Also have rubbing alcohol so that you can neutralize your armpit stink because deodorant is off limits for your healing incisions.

• chapstick is not optional. You’re going to want it.

• same goes for a big cup with a well-sealed lid and a straw. Drink so much water.

• you’re going to feel helpless and useless. It sucks. It’s okay. Don’t push yourself.

• you’re going to want to wear pants with pockets to bed so you have somewhere to put your drains. You’ll be so tired that it doesn’t matter for the first couple days.

• you want the longest phone charger known to man. I promise. There is no such thing as too long.

• ask for the anti-nausea patch. You’re going to want it, and it lasts like 3 days. Throwing up HURTS.

• the healthier you can be before the surgery the easier your recovery is going to be. It isn’t fatphobic or stuck up or whatever else people say to lose excess weight and eat super clean before your surgery. Start moving your body every day. Start practicing going from sitting to standing and laying to standing without using your hands. Your body will reward effort to be healthy with safer surgery and easier healing.

• oh my god buy a serious laxative that you know works for you. Your body will literally forget how to shit.

• if you can, buy paper medical tape, gauze pads, and extra strength Tylenol. You will use them.

• plan to take naps. There is no weakness in a nap.

• get up and stretch your legs hourly. I promise it’s worth it. You will feel so much better.

• you’re going to want a hat or some sort of hair control.

• if the binder doesn’t fit you in the arm holes, you don’t have to let it chafe at your armpits and hurt like a mother fucker. Just cut the arm holes wider with a pair of scissors.

• have some sort of routine. You’ll fall apart otherwise.

• you’re going to be snippy and bitchy. Get ready to apologize for being an asshole. Short tempers happen, but don’t forget to say sorry.

• prepare yourself for all the random tape and other stuff to itch. You just have to grin and bear it. Things are so itchy.

That’s all I can think of right now, plus I’m sleepy. I will add to the list when I think of more ^_^

#online diary #top surgery #top surgery recovery #ftm #transmasc #post surgery

[brother-emperors]

Hey Cardinal, you ve talked a little bit about Crassus tending to open his house to all levels of society and his treatment of his domestic staff and slaves, and I would love to hear more of your thoughts about it?

OH BOY. Okay. So I had to think about this one for two months, because the first attempt to answer this resulted in about ten pages of writing and that’s. arguably too much. I’ve attempted to condense my thoughts down here as much as possible, but. we’ll see how it goes! somehow this is still over a thousand words!

Gonna start this off by tacking this at the top of it.

The Cambridge World History of Slavery, Volume 1: The Ancient Mediterranean World, ed. Keith Bradley and Paul Cartledge

To follow that up though, there was no cohesive slave identity shared across the broad scope of people who were slaves in ancient rome, because the lived experiences of each group (agricultural, domestic, freedmen/women, gladiatorial, etc) were so different (for example, freedmen could go on to own slaves themselves, slaves in the mines and working in rural agricultural conditions were the least likely to have a shot at gaining freedom because that would be a loss of income for the roman that owned them, etc) that to associate it all as a uniform identity-experience is also Not Good.

(ibid)

ANYWAY. So my focus on Crassus here has three sides to it.

for the sake of simplicity, we will be using The Cambridge World History of Slavery, Volume 1: The Ancient Mediterranean World, ed. Keith Bradley and Paul Cartledge (unless otherwise cited), at the end, I'll tack on some other reading outside of the body of text that I've written.

The most immediate side is that I’m interested in the lives of slaves in the Late Republic, but in a broader scope than the handful of individuals who have historical prominence, you know? Slaves and freedmen occupied a unique social space in the Late Republic, and had a political-social prominence, and I’m curious about which politicians recognized them as a block worth paying attention to. I want to see what they have to say in the absence of a voice.

you can see that the potential social flexibility of the slave was a problem for the Augustan Age/Early Empire by laws that were passed to curtail this, which in turns says something about their role in Late Republic life and society.

So, slaves are an extension of the house they belong to, which is a deeply simplified understanding of all of this so bear with me a little! There’s a social contract, so to speak, that when granted freedom, the (now) freedman has a patron-client relationship with his former owner, who has an obligation to maintain this dynamic.

Freed Slaves and Roman Imperial Culture, Rose MacLean

ALRIGHT. We’re getting to the point where this involves Crassus, hang on.

So Crassus in Plutarch’s bio sounds off that he’s got a lot of slaves, and a lot of mines, but the ones of most value are his slaves in Rome specifically, because they were trained (some personally, by Crassus himself) and skilled in high demand areas, and were sought after. Aside from the obvious, the part that strikes me as interesting is that this is not. an insignificant number. Plutarch says five hundred. That’s a recognizable amount of people in Rome who have a certain amount of social flexibility (the slaves of upper class or political heavy weights had less in common with the urban poor, and frequently interact with other houses of political influence) and all of those people are attached to Crassus.

This would extend even further to any of them who gained their freedom, because that would continue over into a patron-client relationship, and those five hundred slaves mentioned by Plutarch are all in a group that are the most likely to have a chance at buying their freedom. Whether or not this was the case is a huge Who Knows! because Plutarch skips over huge chunks of Crassus' life to get to the political machinations of conspiracy.

Less abstractly and more straightforwardly: Crassus and Clodius were well aware of the political-violence potential of slaves

Roman Freedmen in the Late Republic, Susan Treggiari

This contrasts heavily against, say, Pompey, who has several named slaves/freedmen in his biography that indicate levels of a personal relationship or friendship (we cannot use the mentions of individuals in Pompey's biography to assume that he was inclined to giving his own slaves freedom), and Caesar himself seems to have been even more insular than Pompey in this.

Roman Freedmen in the Late Republic, Susan Treggiari

There’s an underlying thing happening, though, later in Pompey’s life: Pompey (and Caesar) later rival Crassus in terms of wealth, but the difference has to do with location, land distribution, and slaves. Crassus seems to have most of his wealth concentrated in or near Rome (slaves, architecture, renting properties, the fire brigade, etc) with less of a focus on agriculture-mines for an income and more on. this. I'm still going through a couple of books for more on this vague train of thought, but its. something to think about.

Roman Freedmen in the Late Republic, Susan Treggiari

Pompey and Caesar seemed to follow the trend the rest of their military-senatorial contemopraries were following, which. would have inadvertently led to a worsening economic disparity in Rome (the urban poor + displaced farmers being driven off their land and forced to go to Rome for work because the influx of slaves from military conquests was a source of income that slave owners would have hated to give up)

there’s. some kind of additional thought in here about the crucifixion of the six thousand as a display of power and a threat to anyone else who was thinking of revolting against rome. Crassus seemed to have forgone the idea of taking anyone after the battle as a slave and opted for total annihilation, which falls in line with how he could be a ruthless motherfucker when it came to establishing order and did not apparently view this as an economic opportunity.

which moves on to my second thing about Crassus, I think that part of why he had his house open to people across different social classes and wasn’t prone to lavish displays of whatever had to do with how he grew up. I also think that it ties back to Crassus honing in on groups of people and realizing that they had political importance in some way. Plutarch’s bio makes note that he spent time advocating on behalf of anyone who needed it, even on cases that Caesar wouldn’t touch. That is an absolutely KILLER way to build up your reputation in a way where you would not necessarily need to traditionally align yourself with either of the two major political parties, and would lend you a lot of good will with groups of people who are not given voices in historical accounts. An absence of voice does not mean an absence of body!

Which ties into the third thing, Crassus occupies a third space in politics. Crassus specifically appears to drift around without much harm done to his reputation where it counts (Cicero gives him shit for it, but he still managed to get out of several sticky situations mostly unscathed) (Crassus’ appearances in other biographies indicate someone who is not firmly aligned one way or another politically as well, which is fascinating for other reasons).

I think generally, Crassus had his finger to the pulse of the many beating hearts of Rome's groups and understood on some level, the potential power of each one.

Those are my thoughts! also I’m going back in time to the Augustan Age and putting thumbtacks into all of Octavian’s shoes!

ADDITIONAL READING

Freed Slaves and Roman Imperial Culture, Rose MacLean

Roman Freedmen in the Late Republic, Susan Treggiari

The Cambridge World History of Slavery, Volume 1: The Ancient Mediterranean World, ed. Keith Bradley and Paul Cartledge

my point of contention with the last one is that Crassus didn't go on enough military campaigns to rival the other men in this group for it to be an even comparison, especially since he had an opportunity with the Spartacus Revolt and executed six thousand people instead.

#ask tag #long post #good grief is it long #hopefully any of it makes sense. im an artist. i draw comics. the only thing ive taught as an instructor in a classroom was catholic #catechism lmaoo and that was half by accident #book club tag #tris homines

[csmeanerr]

It’s so funny cause I see people say to spend money on non-digital things rather than CS and I just can’t take that as a good suggestion. One of my aunts, my dad, and his mom all have pretty bad hoarding tendencies, and when I buy real things I just hold onto them and don’t use them. I tried Pokémon cards (I have thousands), I was in the squishmallow craze (I have at least 20), and I buy legos (over $2k I’m sure) but they just take up space and that’s it. You could argue the same for my CS or really any OCs but at least that’s digital storage that does not affect my real life. Could I save? Yeah but I don’t have anything else in my life to distract me from the heap of useless money. No friends to hang out with, no hobbies, nowhere to go, nothing to do, it’s all an event of spending money either way. If I have to spend my money, I’d rather it be to support creators and on things that won’t fill up my house.

If it works for others good on them though fr

want to give this one a proper response because it's a good perspective to see through and understand. empathy and all that, and if i were in the same position yeah i'd prefer the stuff that doesn't take up space too

at the same time it's not all black and white and i can tell this is being typed from a pretty dark place and hope the best for you going forward. i've been in a pretty similar position, especially the pokemon cards. CS gives an easy entry to a community, especially if you have something others want. they are basically an art community centered around a common theme, the species itself

and while im all about supporting creators and making the most of your life, i want to add in some counterpoints to your words because i don't want others to fall into that defeatist attitude. shit might get personal but i do appreciate your message

cs is already a hobby. idk what you do in them but from how it's worded it seems you use your money to help pass the time with, be it buying an adopt or legos to do something with. spend your money however you want but i'll just say it doesn't need to be spent on material goods. just treating yourself to a yummy meal can still be worth its weight and not leave behind any 'waste' beyond the physical clean up

if you want to support creators too then support the other people in the CS community beyond the owner or staff. im all about creators getting compensated for their work while also understanding CS owners artificially inflate their work's value by arbitrary rules such as limited traits or artificial scarcity. if you want to support that then it's not like i can change your mind about it, all i'm saying is you can also use your money to commission the other artists who often have to sell their work for fake in-game currency or pennies in comparison

ngl you sound defeatist and bitter and are only rallying behind cs practices because you have a parasocial relationship and cope hard with it. im not gonna discredit that, i did the same exact stuff and put thousands into buying adopts be it because of FOMO, because I did like the owner, because i liked the design, or even just having something to do by checking market channels, talking in the chat, or designing their backstories. it's easy to stick with that or latch on, because if you have the money (and even if you don't) it's just the same as any other anchor to the shitshow of life

do i have a solution? not really it's not a fix-all and i'm not a therapist, i'm just going to say i can't abide by your explanation nor can i recommend it to others because that is the exact same mindset that people with addictive personalities have and makes them so susceptible to CS's terrible practices. hopefully you can find another way to cope and i do wish you the best

#help

[waitmyturtles]

Whew, WOW, OKAY. OOOHHHHKAY. THAT was a HELL of a ride. Double Savage, episodes 3 and 4 (but mostly 4). Long post coming. (Dang it. I did NOT KNOW THIS SHOW was gonna do me like this, meta-wise!)

[The alternate title of this episode should be, “SEE DAD? SEE WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU ABUSE US?” (Just like that, in all caps, ha.)]

The reason why I say “us” in my proposed alternate title is because I realize that I haven’t addressed something in my previous write-ups about Double Savage -- namely, the psychological abuse that Korn and Win’s dad is committing towards the rest of his family, besides Korn.

We start episode 4 with a two-year jump, and dad Beng is as happy as a clam... with only one of his three children. He tells Win, “you’re the only child that I’m proud of.” Big sister Li stands next to her mother, clearly gritting her teeth, while Mom and Li clearly also think of Korn, who’s now been lost to them for a while. 

And we get the looped conclusion of the first episode, when the three siblings meet in the abandoned warehouse, with Li revealing to Win where Korn has been hiding. So we know that Li has been visiting Korn since the first time she broke into the warehouse.

Meaning: the sibling unit still exists, for now. But, the father has revealed something by what he says to Win. He DEMANDS of his family that they buy into his vision for a Korn-less existence, regardless of what it means to ANYONE around him. AND, he ALSO demands that they believe in his OTHER fallacies -- such as Win being the only child worth investing in. We can also acknowledge now that this family has been living without Korn for two years already -- and that’s certainly had to have tremendous psychological impacts on Li and the mom, and especially on Win, as he continues to grow into adulthood. Finally, we don’t know why Li is still living with her folks, if she’s dating, if she’ll get married, etc.

...or maybe we DO know why she’s still around. 

What is this vision that dad Beng has created for his family? That Korn shouldn’t exist, that he shouldn’t be around. That THE FATHER IS the patriarch.* That their unit will ALWAYS be led with his leadership. (We haven’t seen the mother confront the father, either yet or at all.) We see Li helping with the store, usually by her mother’s side. 

In other words, this family is led by fear first. It’s highly likely that Li has been raised with enough fear to feel very uncomfortable about even leaving the household, let alone seeking out her own independent life. AND, also highly likely -- her father has likely “let her know,” that as a woman, she probably can’t step out and achieve anything on her own.

Just a guess there, but I think we can take educated guesses with such an unbelievably harsh and abusive patriarch. 

(My *star up above indicates that there may be underlying commentary about Thai-Chinese patriarchal references that I may not be catching. We can hear “Hia” being thrown about all over the place, so, like Moonlight Chicken, we know that we’re dealing with a majority Thai-Chinese cultural background and read on the script. I wish I knew more about this slice of Thai culture. My own read on this patriarchal structure is coming from a more generalist Asian perspective.)

Anyway -- I haven’t even gotten to the meat of the episode yet, which is that we continue to see the disastrous and tremendous fall-out of the society and world around Korn, and the impacts of the choices he’s made since leaving his family house. 

First off, quickly: we see promises being broken. (Promises had already been broken all along, right? Shouldn’t parents love their children?) Win is going to break his promise to Korn because Win wants to be with Rung. Win gives Korn the heads-up -- and Korn accepts it. And Korn lifts Win on his back. Even though it’s LOVE THAT KORN HAS FOR HIS BROTHER -- that’s a weight on Korn’s back. Win will get the love that Korn has in Rung.

Win, then -- surprisingly to me -- asks Rung’s *parents* for *permission* to date Rung. In front of both families. My man, Win -- where’s the ring? Ha. I mean. Again, I may be missing something by way of a Thai-Chinese cultural read. But homey might have well asked for the horoscopes to set a wedding date. You really don’t do that until you’re ready to chat marriage. We see arranged marriages being a COMMON topic in Thai shows. And maybe -- that’s what Win wanted to get out of it? I’m not sure there.

Which is why, I think, we see Rung so pissed. Rung represents breaks from tradition. Remember what she said in episode 2, about her family not believing in superstitions around families and children? That they hold people back? Rung is a rebel. To be asked for her hand in dating, in front of her folks, without Win checking in with her in advance? She’s pissed. She knows exactly what this means. Someone else is doing her love work for her, and that is NOT going to fly with her.

Now, on the other hand, I DO WISH, dear Rung, I DO WISH you’d think a little before making rash decisions, ha. But. I can also understand why you hopped into Korn’s truck. You’re in love with Korn, and you haven’t seen him for two years.

You haven’t seen him for two years because his father drove him out of the family house. He had to leave school, leave you, and leave his beloved younger brother. Rung, therefore, has also experienced the trauma that Korn’s dad leveled to everyone around him. 

And now we get the coalescence of how this show becomes not just family trauma-driven, but community trauma-driven. When Rung opens the door of that truck and enters the world that Korn lives in now, she becomes a part of Korn’s continued traumatic life. And gets caught by the narcs, and gets blamed for the drug smuggling.

And we know that Hia Ah orchestrated her arrest. Because -- he’s the guy who ultimately knows how the world really works. He values his business and his money. Sure, he gives money to people around him. But he’s always needing a convenient fall person, and realizes that Rung is a good obstacle to use to avoid trouble. So he convinces the police -- somehow, someway, we don’t know yet the hows and whys -- to only catch Rung, and not arrest Korn. 

And the next thing we see in the preview is that Rung will now also become a runaway fugitive.

LITERALLY NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF KORN’S DAD LOVED AND PROTECTED KORN. LITERALLY.

I mean. What a resounding commentary on family and community trauma and abuse. And for Ah to have orchestrated Korn’s escape from arrest from within police ranks. It has King of New York written all over it, right? Shouldn’t the police also protect us? Instead, the police narced on THE WRONG SUSPECT, KNOWINGLY.

This show is now holding a TREMENDOUS amount of commentary on society and abuse, maybe a little messily, kind of like the early episodes of (omg, I can’t believe I’m writing this in a Double Savage review) Bed Friend. There’s a hell of a lot of trauma going on. We want Rung to please make wiser decisions. But, BUT: I have to remember that she’s now also suffered trauma vis à vis Korn’s dad, too, so she’s not entirely to be blamed for her decisions. 

And unfortunately, we’ll likely see the cookie continue to crumble next week, when Win confronts Korn. Remember: it’s not Korn’s fault that he escaped arrest. But, Win and Rung will need a fall guy. Korn’s dad needed a fall guy. Korn has always been that fall guy. And he damn well knows it. He knows that’s been his role in his life so far, so why would it not continue?

Ah -- wildly, Ah -- is actually changing that paradigm for Korn to an extent, by having Korn avoid arrest. I want to see where that goes. I LOVE the messing up of this paradigm. Because while Ah is the true criminal -- he’s also the biggest truth-holder here, and I want to know how that gets unwound as more truths come out. How did it end up in Korn’s life that Ah is protecting him, while Korn’s dad is not? HOW? How could that possibly happen in a human’s life? 

It happens all the time in trauma-impacted families and communities.

WOW. UM! Kinda wish someone told me that this shit was gonna get THIS DEEP! (Reminds me of how Bed Friend punked us with those early previews. Did I bring up Bed Friend again? Oh good lord.) Just like in 10 Years Ticket, Ohm is carrying a trauma-filled storyline and Ohm/Perth/Film are destroying it together. This is a great show so far. Maybe because of Bed Friend, I have more trust in these shows holding all this trauma and making a success out of it. Fingers crossed.

#double savage #double savage meta #korn x rung #rung x korn #ohmperth #ohm pawat #film rachanun #perth tanapon

[xannieangeleyesx]

Hey pookie pies, I’m writing this on one of the few days I have off, I’ve had some stuff going on in my personal life latley which has impacted my ability to fast in several ways. That being said I’m finally free for a couple days so I’m trying a 50 hr fast (20 hrs in)

In other news I’ve decided what I’m gonna get when I hit one of my main gws! I’ve found this super cute pair of shoes I’m gonna buy, they are expensive but it’ll be worth it at that weight!!!

#ana trigger #tw disordered eating #3d diet #ed not sheeren #tw ana diary #4norexi4 #@n@ #ana bllog #ana toughts #anorexla #i wanna lose weight #i want to ⭐️ve #light as a 🪶 #starv1ng #water fast #f@st1ng #dieta ana #disordered eating thoughts #pro a4a #skinnni #tw 3d diet #tw 3d vent #tw restrictive ed #unhealthy weight loss #€d blog #@na trigger #light as a feather

[kindheart525]

The patient lounge was abuzz with anticipation, for everypony was about to get a surprise! A “special guest” was scheduled to come in, a motivational speaker. Something to lift their spirits, they were told.

Everypony sat around chattering, wondering who this mysterious guest could be. It was mostly in excitement, they all needed a break from the treatment routine after all. But Triple Threat was less visibly enthused.

“You good?”

Lucky Shot stood over the unicorn, attempting to offer some comfort.

“Yes, of course!”

Triple Threat nodded, somewhat forcing a wider smile. Then it quickly disappeared.

“I’m just not quite sure what to expect, you know? I hope this isn’t one of those ‘just think good thoughts’ speakers. You might have seen them, the corny ones who think you can smile your problems away. Or…somepony who’s going to come in and tell us to eat healthy and exercise like that’s not why we’re here.”

She made a disgusted, even pained grimace thinking about this.

“I don’t think it’ll be like that.”

Lucky sat down next to her.

“I’m sure the staff here know not to hire a speaker that’s going to make our problems worse. The week before you got here they brought in some therapy pets. A bit later they had a stage magician. It’s just fun stuff like that.”

She did her best to reassure her, but as she went quiet it was clear she had many of the same questions. 

“Well, I guess we just have to wait and see, right?”

“Attention, everypony!”

One of the nurses chirped out, waving a hoof to quell the chatter.

“Our special guest is here so be sure to give her the respect and attention she deserves!”

TT and Lucky shot each other a glance and rolled their eyes. With this nurse it felt more like a high school assembly than anything. 

“She took the train all the way out here to see you all, so give her a round of applause—”

“Come on now, we don’t need all that!”

Even the guest was tired of the formalities as she came in to stop the nurse before her cue. 

“I’ve got it from here!”

The nurse was about to protest but decided against it, instead stepping aside for the main event.

“Whoa Nelly!”

Triple Threat was surprised right away at this guest speaker, in a good way. In the back of her mind she was afraid they would be some kind of fitness trainer or model who was just above the “conventionally attractive” weight…somepony who would remind her way too much of her mom. Instead this Whoa Nelly was bigger than her even before she got sick. It was already so refreshing to see!

“Instead of standing here and lecturing you like a boring old teacher, I'd like to sit down with you all, hang out, make some friends.”

The mare looked around at all the seated ponies.

“Any free seats around here? I’m gonna need at least two!”

Triple Threat couldn’t help but chuckle out loud a bit as she scooched over and offered a space between herself and Lucky Shot. A few other patients expressed amusement as well. 

She sure didn’t expect jokes like this! She always thought her weight was not a laughing matter, all the jokes she heard about it until now were mean-spirited but this felt different.

“There’s the kind of laughter I like to hear! Not like those high-society mares who thought I was a joke for wanting to buy a princess dress.”

Nelly chuckled drily and shook her head. 

“Well, I can be just as much of a princess as Twilight Sparkle! I’ve got way more pounds of princess material on me than she’s ever had. No disrespect to her, of course. But all of this?”

She gestured towards her own body.

“Princess material.”

This time the whole room laughed with her. All of them were dealing with body issues in some way so it was really nice to see some body positivity.

“I didn’t always know that, though. When I was younger I thought my body wasn’t worth a thing. Ponies all around were telling me I could stand to lose some of this chub…well, more than some. I was where I imagine a lot of you are right now—and if you don’t wanna talk about it I don’t blame you. You don’t have to stick around.”

Nelly paused for a moment, allowing anypony the space to leave if they needed to as she started sharing these more vulnerable details. Ponies of all different body types were here and her goal was to help them all feel better about themselves, not worse.

TT almost thought of it. She really didn’t like thinking about her body and she especially didn’t like hearing about it from ponies who didn’t know what it was like, but this mare did know what it was like. Maybe whatever she had to say would help her. 

“See, I had eating disorders back in the day too. The doctors didn’t believe it when I was at this size, but it was true. I was in and out of the hospital quite a few times. I’ve sat where you all are right now, gone through the same therapy sessions, eaten the same slimy hospital food. Is it still just as gross?”

She asked to try to lighten the mood a bit, and the patients murmured in affirmation.

“Back in my day everypony who tried to help was like, ‘Nelly, you just have to be more confident! Chin up!’ A lot of them barely had any gut at all, they didn’t have a clue what they were talking about.”

For a moment it felt like Nelly was reading TT’s diary as she said this. It was exactly how she’d experienced it with her own mom. And…a lot of ponies. She thought nopony else could ever understand, but now she was wrong.

“If it were that easy to just be confident we wouldn’t even be here! And of course you can’t do much of anything if you don’t love who you are. You can’t change for the world, you gotta make the world change for you!”

“Huh…?”

What do you mean?

Still feeling a bit more shy than usual, TT thought she was too quiet for Nelly to hear, but the older mare took notice right away.

“A few decades ago I didn’t even have this job. Ponies didn’t want to hear from somepony like me. But I kept telling my story even when they didn’t like it. I was a pain in their little behinds!”

Nelly laughed heartily.

“I said, ‘I’m here, and you better get used to it.’”

She looked around the room at all the patients who were now absolutely captivated.

“But enough about big ol’ me. What do you guys do? What do you wanna be?”

“I’m studying to be a doctor.”

“I’m getting my therapist’s license soon!”

“I want to be a teacher!”

“I’m an athlete.”

Ponies started going around, naming all their aspirations and careers, everything they wanted to be in a world where they wouldn’t be judged and excluded for their size.

Then Nelly turned to Triple Threat, who had been rather quiet until now.

“And what about you?”

Not too long ago, TT wasn’t so sure about her career path. She was ready to give it all up and find something else. But now she was much more confident in her answer.

“I’m hoping to star in a Bridleway show one day!”

And instead of responding with pity like many other ponies TT met before, Nelly smiled even wider.

“You’d better send me tickets when you do!”

And as she went on talking to all the other patients about their aspirations, Triple Threat found herself stuck on what Whoa Nelly said. Everything was still so uncertain for her but now, for once, she felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. That maybe she had more agency than she thought.

One day, somehow, Triple Threat could return to her life’s passion after all. And that was a when, not an if.

~~~~~~~~~~

Previous: Half-Pity Next: Oh Honey

#KindsArt #auraverse #bridleway #triple threat #whoa nelly #lucky shot #story piece #next generation #my little pony #mlp fim #mlp g4 #fatphobia mention #eating disorder mention #ed mention

[lucysweatslove]

I’m gonna be talking about weight, body image, disordered eating, health and medical anxiety, generally triggering things so I’m putting it under a read more. It’s really just a ramble and nothing worth reading- a brain dump for me more than anything else. For those who don’t want to read more but want to just know- I’m doing okay but life has had other plans and I may have something actually wrong health-wise which has been triggering for me.

So, way back in 2018 I gained like 30 lbs in 2 months (mid October to mid December). I was devastated. I had already gained 20-25 lbs or so during actual recovery from my disordered eating which I was doing on my own/without support, so I was really struggling. I was so ashamed of the weight gain and how I looked that I didn’t want to see my PCP (note: she was an NP, but that doesn’t impact what I think of her- I didn’t want to see her because of my own shame and thinking I should just be able to manage my weight on my own). So here I was sitting around 180-185 lbs and for the first time in my life actually obese, not sure how to cope. I was confused about how I could’ve gained that much so quickly- I didn’t buy Halloween candy that year, gained the weight before Christmas, and didn’t do thanksgiving festivities even. My eating habits hadn’t seemed to change, and there was no way I was suddenly that much less active. But still I blamed myself.

Not even a month later I started a new job and also decided I wanted to try to diet again because I hated my body’s new “fat” appearance. Except I was worried about calorie counting being triggering. I was newly married and planning our actual wedding, so while I wanted to be “shedding for the wedding” (VOMIT) I also didn’t want to go back to Hell aka rigid restrictive eating that would drive wedges in all of my relationships. I tried going back to the gym and eating a lot of chicken breast and veggies, thinking if I restricted TYPES of food I would be fine. LOL NOPE. I tried keto thinking it would be a way to not fixate on calories… this was unsustainable because I just didn’t have enough options and I LOVE LOVE LOVE fruit. Each attempt at whatever I did was met with initial weight loss and then extreme hunger, a big trip, some outing, my actual wedding, which would kick me out of that mindset and I’d gain it all back. At one point I thought it was my antidepressant (since it made it hard to care about anything), so I went off of that, had a bad reaction to another one, and then essentially didn’t have a medication for months. Including on my wedding.

By the end of 2019 I was essentially that same 180ish lbs, and I had decided I needed to “get my life back.” I got on a new antidepressant shortly after an illness, and I realized I was sitting on my hands waiting for somebody to give me permission to apply to med school. So I decided to face my insecurity regarding my “downward trend” (due to health reasons) in undergrad by… going to grad school. I applied in early 2020. I started to go back to the gym, count calories, I really thought it would be fine since I didn’t have fear foods anymore and felt “basically recovered.” Like, calories were the less extreme option because it gave room for me to eat all the foods I love.

And then I started getting back spasms, and the fevers started, and I started and graduated grad school, and then my husband needed new hips, and I got a new job, and littered in all of that were attempts to just mindfully eat more produce and love my body more. At one point in grad school, I admit to buying really low calorie dehydrated food packs to “make the most of my winter break” but it was absolutely MISERABLE to eat those and it got super cold and I just said nope, not going back. Throughout that time, I just thought that I was fat now, and that’s all anybody would see. I honestly doubted that my disordered eating was ever problematic MULTIPLE times because… I’m fat now? That’s literally it, that’s the whole reason I started to invalidate my own experience. School and work and health issues had really decreased my activity and focus on health and nutrition, I felt awful in my body physically, and I had no idea how to make any kind of actual healthy change because up until this point, and even at this point, I only knew “health and wellness” in two contexts: disease process and medicine, and dieting and exercise for “weight control.” Nobody I knew actually ate balanced diets if they weren’t actively trying to become or stay thin- it wasn’t “normal” or “natural.” Exercise? Same story except for actual athletes, but even those that I knew talked about weight control all the time.

Fast forward to 2022. I came into the new year feeling like I needed to make a change because of how I felt, but my husband and I were in counseling and I knew a major sticky point for us was my lack of going to med school. I think my desire to “make a change” was in large part about control because I didn’t feel like I had control over med school. I was CONVINCED in my mind that me being fat now made me a lesser candidate. I might get an interview, but I’d be judged on how fat I was and would instantly have a bias over me. I was tempted- truly- to drop to 800-900 calories a day with 2-3 hours of exercise and try to shed weight quickly. But I kept up searching for body positive and HAES content. I reminded myself of all I spoke on in my sports nutrition class- health has far less to do with our weight and size than our habits. At this point, I felt really good about body positivity. I made my focus on activities I love doing, getting good MICROnutrients (no deficiencies here), etc. This is when I “came back” to tumblr in early 2022.

I then started to feel the same way I did before- it was, once again, becoming a bit of an obsession, and my body was fatiguing. My heart quite literally felt off, and I was dizzy all the time. I thought maybe with everything, I was taking in too much potassium and a higher activity level. I gave my body time to rest and… I just stopped doing the things. Work got busy. I signed up to retake the MCATs. I got COVID.

Honestly at the end of Covid I was back to around 175lbs. I was feeling okay about that- it’s still “fat” but I was happy to be feeling healthier and I could FINALLY start studying. After my first COVID day where I had an episode of intense muscle pain where I could not move, I was totally fine with my weight. While I was starting to study, though, I noticed my blood pressure was low and I was still feeling kinda meh. I was hardly hungry, and my bathroom habits changed. I wasn’t too upset with this, since it meant I could study for longer at a time without getting distracted by bathroom trips, and I figured my high stress levels were playing a role by essentially halting that “rest and digest” I should’ve been in for way too long.

After I finished the test, my stress seemed to reduce, but my heath stuff didn’t. I had a week off work and decided I wanted to start hiking again, see waterfalls, etc. And so I did. While I loved it, I kept feeling really dizzy all the time. I focused on getting more salt in my diet and making sure I was eating some carbs before and after the trial. My appetite improved, but my GI tract still felt sluggish. Often, I would feel actually hungry, but I’d also feel like my stomach was way too full. My reflux was really bad at this time, and that also made my nasal issues worse. My sleep suffered a ton, and I would spent 11 hours in bed because it would take me 3 just to fall asleep. I also noticed my lower stomach had fresh new red stretch marks.

At this point now, now only can I barely breathe out my nose most of the time, but my nose is bleeding often (just slight, small bleeds- no dripping really). I’ve tried PPIs and H2 agonists to help with the reflux. Honestly, as gross as this sounds, the only thing that helps is actually going to the bathroom? But usually when I go, it doesn’t all feel “out.” I’ve taken two laxative doses in the past couple of months to get some longer lasting relief. I visited my sister for a week (got back a week ago), and while down there, I realized my shorts that I bought to fit me last summer felt tight in the tummy. I thought it must be constipation or something similar, or heat edema, but it still was not fun to feel that “fat.” Also, I realized my 34G bras were getting tight, even on the band size, so that was extra weird. Even my sports bras weren’t fitting right. Usually a band in a L is too loose but I put up with it to fit my breasts, but between July to now, the bands starting getting tighter. Which means gain.

I weighed myself this morning at 195.8 lbs. literally the heaviest I have ever been. Up 20 lbs in the 2 months post-COVID, and that’s with me hiking more AND I started physical therapy for my back. Husband was confused and said something seemed wrong- because that’s a lot of weight to gain and he hasn’t seen me eat THAT much. He encouraged me to talk to my doctor, but I’m still convinced all they will say is that CLEARLY I’m lying about my intake and tell me to track calories and try to lose weight.

I’m also going to a water park this weekend, so I tried on my bathing suits, and none fit in a way I’d be comfortable with. A couple bottoms fit, but I realized all my tops didn’t- none of them have cups big enough to cover up my nipples in a secure enough manner, so I’d be constantly worried about “wardrobe malfunctions.”

I’m having kind of a hard time with all of this, but I’m trying right now to make sure I have clothes that fit my current body first. My mantra rn is “I deserve clothes that fit my body right now.” So I bought a size up in the shorts I bought last summer- I hope that will work. I also ordered 6 new tops in bra sizes, instead of the normal S/M/L/XL sizes, because I need them to actually fit. I got 3 tops in 2 different sizes after measuring- 36 bands and, because I’m kind of worried about how that will fit since there aren’t the 3 rows of hooks and too tight is far more noticeable than too loose, 38 bands too, just in case. I’m just praying that one size will fit me, and then I’ll return the ones in the other size since they were expensive.

Other than the new clothes for the water park, I feel a bit at a loss. On one hand I physically feel somewhat unwell quite often, and I’ve ran through the lists of potential culprits from anything from something as benign as stress to something as serious as a Cushing’s syndrome (such as from an ACTH-releasing tumor). Part of me is also terrified I may have diabetes now, even though I’ve never had any signs of pre-diabetes before now, but I’m thinking possible PCOS which can lead to insulin resistance. The obvious answer is “talk to my PCP,” and in general my PCP now is great, but I have an appointment in October and really don’t want to have any “preventable” disease and I feel like I need to be “doing all the right things” prior to seeing her anyway. And I’m scared, too, that when she suggests things like dieting, I will just burst into tears because the idea of what that means is… I guess invalidating to me.

Here’s the reality: finding yourself obese after eating disorder recovery is tricky enough as is. If I bring up the fact that I have struggled with my relationship with food and exercise, people automatically assume that I binge eat and just DON’T exercise/have never had the “discipline” to make myself exercise even if I don’t like it. They treat me like a liar when I clarify. When I bring up the couple periods of rapid weight gain with people who know and understand my history, I’m still told that I probably just didn’t realize how much I ate because I wasn’t actively tracking my calories and weighing my food. I’m constantly told maybe I just don’t have the willpower or discipline other people have, and I need to cultivate that, but that’s not a problem- the problem is I will take that “willpower” or “discipline” to a level that leaves me and the people around me absolutely miserable.

When I was thinner- “healthy weight” with a BMI around 21- nobody said those things to me. My mom not included (as she will find some way to criticize my appearance), I was never told my heath problems were BECAUSE of my body, or that if I gained 5 lbs over a couple weeks it was because of my eating habits (“oh I’m sure it’s just water weight from extra salt”) and that I was CLEARLY lying about my intake. And I was never told I needed to go on a very low calorie diet and exercise more if I complained about constipation.

Idk I feel like I have to do so much more for people to even consider that something might be wrong with my health other than being fat, and often what I have to do is really psychologically damaging, and nobody wants to admit that.

#lucy rambles #trigger warning #calories #weight #obesity #bias #eating disorder #btw no I’m not pregnant I’m literally bleeding right now #also I am on bc to regulate heavy periods and my husband has had a vasectomy

[hianabellebby]

Intro: Hi! Call me Anabelle, I don’t wanna use my real name just in case. I’ve never been officially diagnosed with any 3D but welp, I know what I’m dealing with: this has been my safety net since I was 15 when I first started caving into my thoughts, not full blown but I was teetering until about 16-17 with BuI!mia. I went from 163Ibs to 129Ibs last time until my friend went into recovery and watching her let go helped me let go and be happy with where I was. That and people treated me differently by then so I felt accomplished? I became popular and cool, I had more confidence, I was more physically active, honestly a dark time but some of the best time in my life was 15-18. Well fast forward 8 years and I’m here again. My HW : 188Ibs and that shocked me and sent me back here. I spent months losing 20Ibs healthily and gained it all back and then some faster because of not caring/recovery. it’s just not for me right now, don’t report just block: not encouraging anything. I have no one to talk to about this, I don’t even talk to anyone on here but putting my thoughts out there feels like something. I can’t write in a diary someone would find it, no one knows about this account so it’s my safety net when I’m in relapse; I’ve had it for years. I don’t want to recover yet, not yet.. I’ve recovered before but I stepped on a sc4le and felt the darkness cloud over me at 188Ibs (85kg) and here I am. I don’t want a dangerous w3ight. I just want to be th!n and maintain that.

I need to have my dream b0dy before I’m expected to become a mother. I need to have it to feel validated. I’ve never been comfortable with my b0dy. I was first called f4t at age 8 and that broke me because my mom was besties with Ana and I heard her talking about her w3!ght all the time “just 10 more p0unds” all the time. She told me 1200cals to lose weight, but I never really saw her eat meals. She’s like 93lbs current and I don’t think she ever really recovered just got better at hiding it and stopped losing and just kept maintaining. I know why I am the way I am, but right now I don’t want to change. I want to be back in the 120s. I won’t k!ll myself doing this; I don’t intend to hurt myself so bad I have to be hospitalized but the sense of control I feel makes it worth it. Things are sort of chaotic for me right now mentally, I don’t have the friends or support system I use to, and so life is out of control and I love the sense of control, that’s how I’m handling it. I’m gonna do this without telling anyone. I’m not telling anyone my plans, they’re just gonna see my results.

[mywhy11]

Well.

It’s about a week before my 30th birthday (October 23rd 2023), and I’m literally so sick and tired of myself. I hate this toxic,miserable,grumpy side of me. And it’s my weight. She’s a nasty bitch.

I hit 290.8 on the scale tonight. A number that shouldn’t mean much but it still does. Shocking honestly. I knew it though. I feel it. I’ve FELT it for a few weeks now.

I got to 282 through fasting (coming down from 286). I was doing great! It was working! I felt good!

And then I lost Benny. And I knew subconsciously it was going to be my “excuse” for letting go. And it’s weird because every time I ate take out, or we ordered out etc- I couldn’t stop myself but I was screaming inside my body going “NOOOO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!”. But I guess the emotional eating won anyways. Even though I was hating what I was doing. The more I hated eating bad the more I did it. The more I kept trying to FUCKING FEEL ANYTHING.

Im so fucking sick of myself. I need to break up with myself. With these dirty disgusting habits. I need to remember my WHY. WHY AM I DOING THIS.

I hate myself so much these days. It actually makes me so sad. I feel like a prisoner in my own body. My self control is the prison guard. I have to be stronger than my brain. I HAVE TO BE.

This is so pathetic honestly. How many fucking times do we have to restart Danielle. How many fucking times are we gonna say “this is gonna be it!” And then it gets WORSE.

I have a wedding dress I need to buy. But I’m so fucking embarrassed of my body & my face. How can I marry Edwin when my fucking double chin is OUT. All my photos will be ruined by this big fat piece of shit who doesn’t love herself & don’t think ever has loved herself.

Just keep suppressing emotions Danielle. Keep running away from feelings. KEEP STUFFING YOUR FUCKING FAT FACE. GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER HOLY FUCK. What is wrong with you?!?!?!?!?!?!??????

IM EMBARRASSED.

SNAP OUT OF IT

SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT

WAKE UP

DO THE HARD SHIT. ITS NOT GOING TO BE EASY, BUT ITS GOING TO BE WORTH ITTTTTT. I promise YOU. We can DO THIS.

Promise yourself. PROMISE LITTLE DANIELLE. SHES FUCKING WORTH IT. She’s worth every fight and tear to get healthy again. To give her the body she deserves. To dress up & feel super cute and girly.

YOURE GOING TO BE A MOTHER. LOSE THE FUCKING WEIGHT FOR THEM?!

Your why is simple.

I don’t want to die. I don’t want to be like this forever. I WANT to see my body the way I’ve dreamed of. I want to feel how my inner Danielle feels but on the outside. SHED THIS FUCKING BODY DANIELLE. SHED THE WEIGHT AND GET GOING. Smarten up!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKKKKKK.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

Do you understand me?!?! ENOUUUGHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For you!

For BENNY!

For my future kids!

For HEALTH!

FUCKING DO IT!!!!!

[skincare-surveyor]

Grandma’s 2-Step Skincare Regimen

Yes, I’m serious, it’s only two steps.

My grandmother had the nicest skin I’ve seen. In her 80s, she was commonly mistaken for someone 20 years younger. These are the two products she swore by.

1. Witch Hazel - Toner - AM

If you’ve read my other posts where I talk about toners, this is the reason why I think most toners are overrated. Everything they’re trying to do, witch hazel already does, and it does it for a fraction of the price. And unlike those new products, where I feel like I don’t know if they really work, witch hazel has been around long enough that its results are proven. 

Witch hazel is a small tree/large shrub bush. We distill the leaves, bark, and twigs to make the liquid we see sold in stores. It is used as a toner and astringent, and has a whole ton of uses you can read about here. As a toner, it is great for oily, acne-prone, and combination skin. It removes dirt and impurities, brightens and tightens, helps with texture and the appearance of pores and skin redness, has a mild antibacterial effect, and rebalances skin’s pH.

Use this in the AM. Put a small amount on a cotton ball or pad and gently wipe over the face, avoiding the eyes. My grandma always said you do this twice. Once to open the pores up and a second time to really get in there and pull out dirt and bacteria. Then splash your face with cool water to rinse and close the pores.

Witch hazel is sold at pharmacies. There’s witch hazel that’s mostly used for first aid and tends to be sold in generic bottles. These tend to be higher in alcohol content because they are intended to be used as an astringent or wound wash. If you pay a little more though, there are brands like T.N. Dickinson’s or Thayers, who have a higher quality product suitable to use on the face. 

If you want your toner to do a little bit more, try using a Witch Hazel + Rosewater blend. Thayer’s also has a few other witch hazel blends you can look into. I recently tried Thayers Witch Hazel + Cucumber blend. (Honestly, it’s not for me. The smell bothered me a lot. But it’s not a bad product; I just didn’t like the smell.)

If you are worried about the natural alcohol content in witch hazel, some brands have released alcohol-free versions of their original formulations just for the beauty connoisseur. 

2. Cold Cream - Makeup Remover, Cleanser, & Moisturizer - PM

If step one blew your mind, you’re really gonna lose it now. 

Cold creams are a very old school beauty product that have been around for ages. They are emollient-rich, waterless cream cleansers that take the place of at least three products in your skincare regimen. Whoa, I know it’s crazy, right? But seriously, a good cold cream is worth its weight in gold. You smooth it on the face and neck at night, and it takes off all your makeup, gives your skin a deep, non-drying, non-stripping cleanse, and re-moisturizes it. Depending on the ingredients in the cold cream, it might also take the place of a treatment. These guys are multitasking powerhouses! They’re a skincare staple in places like France.

I know what you’re thinking. Okay, so why aren’t cold creams more popular? 

I think the first reason is pretty simple. It’s because companies want you to buy more stuff. They don’t want you to have one product that does almost everything you could want. They want you to buy into the idea that you need a 6-step skincare regimen. But you don’t. A lot of my favorite products are ones that multitask. 

The second reason you don’t hear much about cold creams anymore is that the skincare industry has changed, but a lot of the traditional cold cream producers haven’t. They’ve got ingredients in their products that aren’t good for your skin. Take a look at the ingredient list for Pond’s Cold Cream, which is a classic cold cream in the U.S. Even though they’ve revamped the formula, the base ingredients still aren’t great for your skin. 

Third, the wording has changed. I have seen a resurgence of this type of product over the last decade or so, but they’re being called things like ‘facial balms’ or ‘melting cleansers.’ I guess to distance them from the reputation cold creams have developed or try to distinguish them as something ‘new.’ Here’s a few keywords to look for:

Cleansing Balm

Facial Balm

Melting Cleanser

Cream Cleanser

Cleansing Cream

Cold Cleansing Cream

Cold Cream

The idea is that you’re looking for a multitasking, emollient-rich product that’s going to remove makeup, cleanse, and moisturize in one step.

That being said, I do have some good Clean Beauty options for you, organized on this handy-dandy table from least to most expensive. 

If none of these offerings are doing it for you, it’s also easy enough to make your own cold cream. There are plenty of DIY recipes out there. I’ve made one with vegetable shortening, jojoba oil, and ylang-ylang. Works great, although some may want to avoid it because vegetable shortening has a high soy content. And, if you haven’t heard the news, we just found out through longitudinal study that soybean oil damages DNA & causes permanent changes in the brain. Given this new information, I’m now doing my best to avoid it. You could easily sub any DIY recipe that calls for vegetable shortening with coconut oil, as it has a very similar texture.

Anyway, that’s Grandma’s 2-Step Skincare Regimen for those of you who are interested in paring down your products and simplifying your routine.

#skincare #clean beauty #su speaks