ðŒð¢ ðžðððð ð¿ððð âª
ð»ððððð, ð»ððð ð' ððððð, ð ðððððð ðð ðð¢ ðððð!
ðž'ð ðððð, ðð ðžðððð/ðððððððð ð ððð ð ððððð ðð ðððððððð ð ðððððððððððð ðððððð ððð ððð ððð¢ ðððð ðð ðððððððð ðððððð ððððð ðððððð ðð¢ ðððððððððð ðð ððððððð ðððððð ðð ððððððð ððððð ðð ð ððððððððððð.
ðž ðððð ðð ððððððð ðð ððððð ðð ðððð ðð ðð ðððð, ððð ððð ððð ð ðððððð¢ ðð ððð ðððððð. ðŒð¢ ððððððð ðððððððð ðð ð°ððð±ð¢ð±ð¢ðð, ððððð ðððð ððð ðð¢ ððð ððððððð ðððððð ðððð.
ð°ðððð ðð âª
ðž'ð ð ððð¢ ððððð-ððð ððð ððð ðð/ððð.
ðž'ð ð ððððð-ðððððð ðððððð ððð ðððð ðððððð ððð ðððð ðððð ð'ð ðð, ððððð ððððð;
- ððð ððððððð¢ ð¿ðððððð
- ðŽðððððð ðŽððððð
- ð¹ððð'ð ð±ðð£ð£ððð ð°ðððððððð
- ðµðððð ð±ððð / ð¿ðððððððððð
- ð»ðððððð ðµðð ð»ððð
ðŒð¢ ððððððð ððððððð; ð³ððð ððð, ððððððððððððð, ððððððð, ððððð¢ ðððððððð, ððððððððð ððððððððð, ð ðððððð, ððð.
- ððððððððð
- ðµððf
- ð°ðð ðððððð!
ð³ð ðœðð ðžððððððð âª
ðð¢ððð ðð ðððððð ð ðð ðœðŸð ð ððð ðð ðððððððð ð ððð ðð ðð ðð¢ ð ððð.
ðž ðð ð ðð¢ ððððððð ðððððððð ðð ððððððð, ðððððððððð, ððððððððððð, ððððððððð, ððð¡ðððð, ðððððððð.
ðžð ð¢ðð ððððððð ð·ðððððð ððð ððððððð ð»ð¶ð±ðð+ ðððððð. (ð»ððððð¢ð, ððð¢ ðððððð ðððððð ðððð ðððð, ð£ððð, ððððððððððð, ððððððððð, ððð)
ðððð ðððð ðð ððð¢ ðð ð¢ðð'ðð ððð ðð ððððð ðð¡ððððððð¢ ðððððððð¢ ððð ððð ððððððððððð¢ ðððððð ððððð, ðž ðððððð ð¢ðð ðð ðððð¢ ðð ðð¢ ðð ðž ððð'ð ðð ðððð.
ðžð ð¢ðð ðððð ððð¢ ðððððððð ð ððð ðð¢ ð ððð, ðððððð¢ ððð'ð ðððððððð ð ððð ðð¢ ðððð. ðððððð ðð ðððð.
ðžð ð¢ðð ðððððð¢ ðððððððð ð ððð ðð ððð ð³ðððððð/ððððð ððððððððð ððð ð¢ðð'ðð ððððð¡ðððð/ðððððð¢/ð ðððð, ððð'ð ð ððððð ð ðð¢ ð ððððððð ð¢ðð.
ð³ðð'ð ðððððððð¢ ðððððð-ðððð ðð ððððððð ð¢ððð ð/ð ðð ðð, ðð'ðð ðððð ðð ððððððððððððð.
ðŽðððð¢ ððð ðððð ðð ðð¢ art ðððð ððð !! ð±ð¢ð ðð¢ð!
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Chilchuck, family & alcoholism
Collection of thoughts and speculation on Chilâs upbringing, his dynamic with his family and how alcoholism ties into it all. If you want the groundwork info on Chilâs background I recommend my masterpost on his family, here beyond a summary of the facts itâs really just me speculating from the crumbs we get of his parents and siblings, how itâs all affected him and in turn affected his own wife and kids etc etc.
Thereâs nothing more Iâd like on motherâs day than to speculate about Chilchuckâs maladaptive attachment style. Iâm fascinated by how distant everyone is and how much heâs been devoted to them all despite having been so absent. Intergenerational trauma get over here
Actually itâll be easier if I make a rundown here too, itâs just stuff I reiterate from my masterpost tho.
Tiny table of contents:
1- rundown: family facts
2- rundown: alcoholism
3- dad
4- parenting
5- daughters
6- wife
^ Every time his dad gets mentioned. His mom never gets mentioned. His siblings I think are only ever mentioned in this extra, and then there are more ambiguous relatives cameos.
We know is hometown isnât Kahka Brud, but weâre not sure wether he moved there upon getting his own house (presumably around when he got married at 13), or if itâs only after his wife when he rented out his place to relatives then rented the place in Kahka Brud.
If he rented it out to relatives, maybe that meant it was in his hometown? Especially if he and his siblings are "almost strangers" so presumably he doesnât really keep in touch with his family. And I mean, he hasnât seen his wife or daughter in 4 years so you can imagine how heâs like with his more distant familyâŠ
Additionally half-foots and Chil are very coded to be from an impoverished opressed working class people.
So thatâs the context.
Iâll say that I mentioned intergenerational trauma at the beginning, and I def think the distrust of elves is part of that, but here I want to focus on the interpersonal effects rather.
Copy pasting my masterpost thoughts overall:
Chilchuck is hinted to have had a rather dysfunctional family himself (alcoholic father, distant siblings, etc). So he doesnât really have the best model on how to raise someone and such. I imagine it was a sort of neglectful home situation, where the kids are encouraged to be independent. If they didnât have to work or help around much, then a free range parenting sort of thing.
We do see how the family has full and warm feasts, where someone cleans his mouth with a rag, so itâs not like he didnât have caring people or had a tragic childhood though! I donât remember if itâs explicitely stated but heâs heavily implied to having grown up poor, as most half-foots, and I just think itâs the hardened hardworking family type of childhood where just like he does with others, they instilled somewhat harsh life lessons in him, which in turn encourages him to indulge in the simple pleasures of life like alcohol and sex, or at least womenâs beauty and crass jokes.
We do see he seems more optimistic when heâs younger in flashbacks, so a bunch of his harsh view on the world is still likely learned and earned rather than taught.
I still think he inherited many flawed views from how his father acted, like his attitude about excessive drinking not being a big deal, it being worth it. That work hard play hard, enjoy life die young mentality he has, shown mostly in the âalcoholâ section of his Adventurerâs Bible profile, could very well be partly a result of the general poverty half-foot communities are that he grew in as well, like how he doesnât hope for things to be as best as they could be and contends with good enough.Â
As far as I remember, his mother is never mentioned, but I doubt it implies she was out of the picture. She was probably a regular sort of mother that took care of the home and was still around when his father died, not unlike how Chilâs wife was implied to be a housewife. It looks like thereâs a good age gap between one sibling to the next, that could be interesting to speculate about too. Mostly though I think itâs big family because itâs just sorta what happens when you regularly have sex and you donât have contraception, being poor often makes family planning harder for various reasons and leads to more children.
Alcoholism context rundown:
Good Chilchuck analysis baseline here. Alcohol seems to be his main stress reliever/coping mechanism, especially for how emotionally constipated he is, and his job is being stressed about his partyâs safety.
Then he also mentions as a changeling that having his senses dulled feels relaxing to him, further confirming alcohol, as a drug that dulls senses, is something that he likes for the intoxication aspect and feels itâs relaxing.
Alcohol also acts as a hunger suppressant, so it for sure has played a role in his dieting and unhealthy eating/diet habits, especially since he shows the instinct to drink to soothe hunger, all of that about how going hungry for 3 days used to feel manageable. Chil dieting info compiled here.
Chilchuck is at his most effortlessly cheerful when drunk or drinking. Compilation of every time he was drunk here.
And to be clear, a cheerful drunk is still a drunk. He literally will drink anytime he gets the opportunity to even if heâs aware overdrinking leads to health problems and death. Like canonically. He does NOT see how drinking should be a problem and does not seek to show restraint with it.
Dad of the dad
Marcille and Chilchuck having a talk on how losing a dad be like
"You lost your dad young tooâŠ? I know how it is, it must have hit you hardâŠ"
"No not really tbh. Do you want lasagna or chicken for dinner?" <- either genuinely doesnât feel much about his dadâs death or has 10 layers of repression, idk which is worse
I think Chil not making a big deal out of his dadâs death, not having worries in following into his footsteps that way in the least, is super interesting.
As a buddy @saccharineomens puts it: " I kinda imagine chilchuck and his dad didn't have a bad relationship, but in general chilchuck is so blase about drinking (he sees it as a delightful time, a wonderful thing! he wouldn't mind dying doing something he loved!) that he's not very upset about his dad's passing? like "yeah, he died, but i was already an adult, he was an adult, he made his choices, i make my choices, it's cool" "
And Iâll nitpick that we donât know how old he was when his dad died, I always assumed it was pretty early since Chil left home when he got married, and like Iâve gone into he doesnât seem to be the keep in touch type. Itâs on the table though, and he could have learned about it through letter if nothing else and that contributes to the "meh" reaction.
And that is very Chilchuck, the whole "we made our choices, it is how it is, he died doing something he loved", and you can totally believe that thatâs the crux of it, but I do think the nonchalance hints at the family overall being distant and not only the siblings, that thereâs dysfunctional shenanigans going on in there more than just⊠Healthy coping and having moved on.
I wonder when Chil first drank⊠And I wonder how he came to realize he liked alcohol a lot. His father probably gave him sips⊠Or he stole them
No because, with how disaffected he is about his father and siblings I could definitely see him having started to kind of numb himself/dissociate with the help of alcohol in that home environment that felt so⊠Either devoid of feelings or too messy to get attached. I can totally see his family being one that encourages dealing with feelings by bottling them up.
Because too⊠We saw him have a family/community feast of some sort presumably when he was a kid, in that chapter cover, so itâs not like thereâs no warmth or sense of family at all, but then like⊠What went wrong?
If as I theorize that girl with short black hair in that panel is his future wife, since sheâs his childhood friend and all, what if his family/home life was always kind of cold and distant, even when gathered and cheery or despite those occasions? So then itâs like, at the family gatherings, sheâs the most important person there to him, the one he actually connects to the most, the warmest presence he hasâŠâŠ.. Someone he jokes around with that feels on the same speed as him, that doesnât have the same connotations as everyone else present, a bit of a haven, someone different, a breath of fresh hair and a regained sense of childhood⊠Spitballing of course of course
I feel like they had a pretty big family and they were poor and such so there were always chores to be done etc, so their household might have operated like a mini busiess of sorts where everyoneâs too busy, always has this and that to do and the mother asks them to go do tasks.
I used to think it might be more of a neglect situation, where the kids are expected to provide for themselves and so cook their own meals and whatnot, both parents distant, but I donât think so with the feast illustration. Chil at the beginning of canon used to see eating as a practical thing more than anything, you have to eat to live but donât eat much or your weight will make your job more dangerous, might as well skip meals and have beer instead, etc etc. So the thought that he doesnât know how to cook all that well despite this speculated background where he cooked for himself and keeps cooking minimalistic, since he does tell Senshi he taught him about cooking, is fair, but still⊠There could definitely be a situation where his older siblings were pushed into a parental role too, where they helped with the food and raising the younger siblings etc etc. As mentioned, the age gap between siblings may play into the dynamic as well. But on this front I have less ideasâŠ
So yes my general take on Chilâs family is that everyone was too busy to emotionally connect as much as is normal, the parenting leaving things to be desired with alcoholism and emotional neglect.
Fathering
And I think thatâs especially interesting considering he hasnât been keeping in touch with his daughters either. Itâs "theyâre independent now" and thatâs kinda it. His daughters havenât sent him letters or visited him or tried to make him talk to their mom again. It does feel like with his own parents and siblings to me, where people are almost strangers, where relationships grow apart and everyone shrugs and goes âthatâs how things areâ. Is it that everyone including all his daughters gave up on trying to keep in touch, or is it that they all went "well divorced or not heâs absent, this is our normal tbh", and which is worse?
So yes, I think his relationship with his daughters is probably similar to his relationship with his parents, sort of hands off. Chil's dad was probably not a good dad but probably not quite a bad dad. A definitive He Was There, to quote another friend heh
Imo the thing with Chil is that he was pretty absent bc of work travels to dungeon dive, right. Heâs working hard to provide for his family but in the process heâs not spending much time with them, slowly making a gap grow between him and them as they drift apart and change as people. Heâs a career dad who never realized spending time with his family was more important and threw his pager into the oceanâ But also hereâs the thing!! You want to say being his family is more important, but money is arguably more important! Theyâre poor, they donât have the privilege of free time as much. Sure heâs not there, but he is providing for them what they need to keep living and growing healthily. Similarly, you want to say Chil should stop doing harsh dieting for weight management, but, he has a point, maybe starving is still preferable than dying in traps. Of course the ideal would be to change jobs, but again, life is a struggle and thatâs not always an option.
^ Truly the classic "if you donât listen to me, your parent, a cryptid is gonna kidnap you!" international experienceâŠâŠâŠ
He is so so so the "What? My way of parenting is kinda bad? But my father raised me like that, and look how great I turned out!" <- emotionally dysfunctionalâŠâŠ.. "Pshhh what do you mean having an alcoholic parent negatively affects you? My father was an alcoholic too and look at me" ð€¡
All of it was behavior normalized to him. And listen, Iâm saying this but not as like, shirking of his part in it. This isnât a teen or young adult, heâs middle aged, heâs become the one giving and not receiving the generational trauma. Heâs chosen to never think deeper on the topic.
And like, he himself is so indifferent to his father and what their relationship was like, of course he wouldnât notice if a parenting choice wasnât great for his daughters.
He doesnât have a relationship with his dad, heâs not (at least not consciously) traumatized by him, so from his perspective itâs mission success! He got raised decent enough ðâïž Except he doesnât realize that like, not particularly caring if he died is sign of a problem between them in itself⊠And this even as he remains somewhat of an important figure in his life, especially since thatâs who he sees on the other side of the life river in the ghost chapter. Itâs implicitly the biggest instance of loss through death Chilchuck has in his life I think.
But despite it all he obviously does love his family a lot, right. So I do believe that like, while he has imperfect standards when it comes to parenting he still tries to be better than his dad was, that even if itâs necessary that he has a lot of long work travels, he spends time with them. And thereâs sort of this dissonance that heâs both "it doesnât matter wether iâm here or not, theyâll live, theyâre tough girls. Oh they didnât like my scolding earlier? Itâs just how kids are" dismissive and "I love them so much and I want them to have a good life. I want to do my best by them" devoted and so so caring. And like thatâs why he works so damn hard, he does it for them, but also thatâs why the girls grew up with an absentee father and aughhhh AUGHHHH the unsolvable dilemma of it all
Chilchuck in Dunmeshi truly represents like, the harshness of reality & the world and how sometimes things will just suck no matter what, and then of course balancing that with Marcille in their shared arc where she tacks on "And despite that there is beauty everywhere even in the small and menial things, despite that your flawed relationships and dreams are still worth fighting for" ie giving reconciling with his wife a shot, etc.
All that said I think the very strict "youâre gonna grow up to have a stable job by god, young miss" attitude, those strong work ethics he highly values and focuses on and no doubt tried to instill in is own kids, is something he somewhat inherited from his own upbringing and parents.
In my masterpost bit on his parenting, I said I donât think heâd do any kind of corporeal punishment, but. I do wonder about spanking aftee all. It can be so so easy to rationalize it⊠Sigh
Daughter pov
Again, my general interpretations for the daughters are written in my masterpost. I think Patti knows her father the least and is the one least worried about jobs and stability and least settled down as a result. Flertom is the more social one who I imagine tended to be the one worried about her parentsâ couple and their emotions the most. And Meijack⊠Ohh Meijack.
When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and heâs always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says youâre like him youâre sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it and still you stand next to your mother just as quiet and just as stoic during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if itâs more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you donât know him as much as you wish you did, or that you donât think about him all that much these days. Out of sight out of mind
Thinking of those posts about how kids never forget and during the "draw your family!" things at school, some of the kids draw their working parents seperate from the rest of them...
Absent father and when heâs at home you get the crumbs of him that you get and youâre grateful for it and thatâs that <333
She doesnât know how much he loves them bc he hasnât showed them in a long time </3
The horror of drunk Chil in my fics is often about what in this state he canât do rather than what he could do, how someone whoâs as proud of his skills and work ethics as he is has truly changed, not comprehending how he could become so sloppy or how he could allow himself to get like this, marred the values he preaches above all else. Itâs in the way that he fumbles with doorknobs, that he could never lockpick a door if you were to lock it, and it both being your salvation and bringing you extreme distress at the thought of it all. His footsteps usually featherlight now sound heavy as stone, like a trollâs.
You know the thing that gets me so bad with alcoholism angst is when people describe the drunk person as a stranger. Often making a metaphor that theyâre monsters, have some monster they shapeshift into uncontrollably once in a while, as a way to split the unreconciliable halves of the person sober and drunk in your vision of themâŠâŠ. It gets me soooo bad
Little Puckpatti growing up on tales of trolls kidnapping disobedient kids and replacing them with doubles so no one even knows theyâre gone⊠Coming face to face with a drunk Chilchuck that roams the halls of the house with heavy steps in the night, because she wanted to go drink a glass of water, too thirsty to sleepâŠâŠâŠ..
And this is where I reveal that I wrote a fic about just that!! Trolls that thump and tiptoe through the night
Mei @ Chil, You made me of stone and still every day you wear me down and chip away at me bit by bit
In the end notes I describe my takes and interpretations: With Mei I tried to give the sense of a kid who sacrifices some parts of childhood to feel closer to her parent, like not playing games to spend more time with him no matter how empty, or wanting to be worthy in his eyes. With Fler, since she was the one in canon to take in their mother and write Chil a letter explaining the situation, I feel like sheâs always been the one most involved and aware of the problems in their family. The one most there to emotionally support or to understand what the vibes in a room meant. Puckpatti I think knows her father the least, since with time I think Chilchuck was more and more away from work and more and more cynical like the flashbacks of younger him dungeon diving. I think because of her not minding unstable odd jobs that sheâs the most passive, that sheâs the most go with the flow. I do also love when Mei is the one most aware of her parentsâ flaws and most critical as the eldest, but not in this fic.
Meijack grows up to never touch a drop of alcohol, what people joke is the one difference between her and her father. Flertom drinks, too much sometimes, but she considers drinking should be a social activity rather than a habit. Puckpatti only drinks on special occasions when she has the chance.
They already donât have that much time together because of his work, I wonder how big of a percentage the amount of memories the daughters have of him are when heâs not himself truly⊠How they kinda reconcile it all. Itâs their normal.Â
And the thing thatâs gutting too, is that Chil always looks so so much more open, relaxed, cheerful and happier when drunk than he usually is.
He doesn't know how to get his defenses down without alcohol
"you're all that's good"
Because we do see how he truly used to not be so closed off and bitter. But distrust and fearing for betrayals from both coworkers and then his wife aka the person whoâs supposed to be closest to him (he doesnât even have close family besides his daughters. Does he even have close friends) turned him into what he is now. He was so cheerful!! Happy and trusting and optimistic.
He leaves and she left
God thereâs the whole âwife leaving himâ trauma too is the thing⊠It had to have fucked him up so bad like no wonder he got paranoid and decided not to open up to ANYONE like. He never saw it coming is the scariest thing. He didnât expect her to just up and leave. He didnât see the warning signs. He wonât know if itâs coming this time either.
âŠ.. But then also, why he didnât reach out to her (besides hurt) was because it was a petty silence treatment, like "oh she left without saying a word? Fine well I wonât reach out to her either" <- man who is so not fine and collected about it.
Itâs been FOUR YEARSSSSSSS I wonder if he always was like⊠"This week sheâs gonna send a letter. ⊠Ok fine, this month sheâs gonna crack. ⊠Within the year sheâll come crawling back." and itâs a bit why it was allowed to go on for this long unchecked like⊠Why he still considers her his wife even though functionally sheâs more of an ex by that point after 4 years.
I can never stop thinking about him and his wife theyâre fucking crazyyy. Him not reaching out to her started as a silent treatment from frustration. She never reached out to him either, she just up and left, didnât even leave or send one last letter sheâs just gone and has left this all behind, the house and everything in it. Itâs been 4 years but he still considers her his wife and considers themselves only "estranged", "due to circumstances we havenât seen each other in years". His face in the panel he said this is interesting too, trying to be casual but defensive and exasperated, already dreading the judgement and questions.
He moved out of his house to rent a place in Kahka Brud instead. How much of him not reaching out was avoidance⊠Guilt, frustration, sadness, confusion, just procrastinating and dread and fear of a rejection more concrete, or something else⊠Maybe realizing he doesnât miss her as much as he should, not enough to chase after her or try to get her back, just resigning himself to it⊠Is he a bad husband, is he a bad person? Should they reconcile?
Not seeing it coming⊠Itâs half trust, that this person whoâs so dear to you could never just up and leave and hurt you like that, half entitlement, thinking that she would never think of leaving, and third itâs blinding himself to the warning signs, not wanting to believe or acknowledge them. Because like, there WERE some, he said she "suddenly fell into a bad mood on the way back [from the outing]" and I donât think heâs too dumb to be aware that something was off, he literally just dismissed it and then went surprised pikachu face when it turned out things were indeed off.
Part of it is definitely, how do you even react if your wife walks out on you without warning. If it happened to me I think that I wouldnât reach out for a while either, wait for them to reach out to me first, give them space. As I put it in one of my marchil wips, "I respect your right to be rid of me too much to try and shackle you to me if you want to leave".
Inaction is easier than admitting heâs scared to check and find out that the worst case scenario is true. Itâs been years and he still hasnât worked it out why she left. Do you think thatâs on purpose. That he doesnt want to know for sure. Itâs so so so scary to try and do anything about it
He said he didnât reach out right away when she left because he was petty and wanted to give her the silence treatment back. Ok but is it that he blames her for their marriage falling apart or does he blame himself and heâs just misdirecting the conflicted feelings? Did he not reach out because a part of him was too scared to know why she left or if she would refuse to come back? Did he just think that sheâd come back on her own, and things would get fixed while still staying unsaid and unconfronted like they always have, the first month, then the next and the next, until it was a year in and it sunk in that oh, maybe she wasnât coming back?
He seems genuine here when he says that he was angry about it and gave her the silent treatment, but it is an habit of his to lie to make himself look worse instead of showing vulnerability, so who knows.
He is so so scared of being affected by relationships. Same thing with his compulsive habit to disguise his worry for anger. Itâs why he doesnât want people to have expectations of him, "Iâm a coward Iâm selfish", because then they canât be disappointed, they canât be surprised if he bites, they canât leave when you lose what theyâve been staying for.
He has avoidant tendencies too. Every time thereâs an interpersonal issue he just accepts itâs out of his control immediately. Heâs passive when it comes to relationship problems, just like with coworkers, relationships are a ticking time bomb to him, and he just wants to be left out of it and come out unscathed. It comes back to his pessimism. He doesnât think that like, things could be better. According to him life is tough and cruel, you accept your lot in life and make the best out of it and thatâs it. If people are scummy you donât whine about how unfair it is, you close yourself off and work to not be taken advantage of again and adapt. So then with his wife, when Marcille is like "Have you tried⊠Talking?" itâs such a crazy idea that it might work at all, that he could have the power to fix things⊠And thatâs why itâs such a big deal when he goes "Alright Iâll try⊠I donât know if itâll go as well as in the stories, but Iâll try". That CRUMB of allowing himself to be hopeful is so huge
Honestly for the longest time I misread this bit, I thought she left in the night like how Marcille framed it, but no she left after he left for work. She left after he left again.
The way itâs told, it really sounds like Chilchuck just came home from work, stayed probably a couple of days in which they went to that outing together, then left for work again right away/soon after and itâs like. Was that outing the most special thing you guys did together. You came home from like a month of work, you had one outing where she ended up having a bad time, yâall didnât talk about it further and then you left for another couple of weeks. Are you kidding me
Your married life is waiting for your husband to come home, spending mediocre time together, being shut down when you voice discontentment, and things being left unaddressed before he leaves again.
She left when he was gone for work, but did she leave the day of, or did she flip flop on it and took a while before working up the strength to leave? Was she waiting to see if heâd say anything before leaving and when he didnât that was the last straw?
Chilchuck trying to prove a point that half-foots can make it out there, trying to rely more on himself because thatâs the only person he can trust. His wife feeling like he's leaving her behind (because he does. over and over and over and over.)
This guy just keeps throwing himself into work because he thinks it's what's best for everyone. Hey sir neglecting emotional needs can be kinda detrimental to everyone involved, I think you might wanna know that
^ quotes courtesy of @soappox
And to come back to alcoholism for a bit, alcoholism is alcoholism, and someone asked why I thought that a Chilchuck with depression would drink and cope through alcohol, since drinking seems to be something cheerful to him. It does puzzle me a bit but itâs worth going over, so⊠I donât think him using drinking as a coping mechanism is far fetched at all. Cheerful drunks that are alcoholic still can absolutely use alcohol in ways like that. If something makes you happier, or even just more numb which translates to you feeling more free etc etc, then I definitely think it tracks that heâd keep drinking. Like personally I do think heâd drink a lot after his wife left him, and in rough patches like that.
Depression -> not wanting to have to think, the days are blurring together and you either donât want to be conscious or you want to feel something etc etc -> drinking for the alcohol. Alcoholics tend to be, well, dependent on alcohol. If something bad happens etc theyâre usually more likely to go harder on it rather than stop. We can debate on when and why Chilchuck first started to drink but itâs straight up his favorite food now and itâs deeply ingrained in his life, in his favorite outings and activities and priorities and moods and meals.
A CHEERFUL DRUNK IS STILL A DRUNK!!! They drink to get happy not drink because they are happy, though obviously the two can have overlap.
Chil represses sooo much. His solution to interpersonal conflict and feelings is just donât think about it and dull your feelings & senses to everything ⚠I love him. I need to kill him with hammers
Like the other day I was thinking about an AU where he might have ran away from his neglectful home or something, but then I remembered he deals with everything including his family by dulling his feelings and senses to things ð« He wouldnât leave
Iâd say he doesnât look troubled by loss through death, moreso loss through mistakes. His nightmare is his daughters dying yes, but moreso them being killed, thereâs an axe in the wall etc, itâs about having failed to protect them.
If he canât fuck something up or if heâs already fucked it up thereâs this pacifying sense that he canât have the rug pulled from under him, because thatâs what having connections is, having a wife isnât an insurance itâs a rug waiting to be pulled.
And his brand is sort of Flawed Mr Mistakes Man so heâs kinda been having to cope lol. I do think he throws himself into workaholism, because itâs sort of the only way to live he knows, making yourself capable and useful and spending his days working like that, less time to think, too tired to think. Senses dulled, senses that are usually too sharp, cutting with clarity that he prefers ignoring and avoiding. Work is something he doesnât have to feel through, something that gives him pride and self-esteem, something through all the danger and life or death risk feels safer, emotionally. No one taught him how to deal with things another way, itâs always been suck it up and work.
Conclusion
Stop smoking we love you and we donât want you to die
No drinking will not externalize your feelings no it wonât vent them out well please Chilchuck ple-ea-easeâŠâŠ.
</3 They should invent an alcoholism that doesnât make you dysfunctional and hard to be around
^ Drunk, by The Living Tombstone
Iâve been thinking about enneagrams and Chil is 6w7 highkey. Becomes 3 when stressed, a little 8 but itâs more that he wants security so much that he becomes paranoid rather than having the core of an 8 yâknow. I havenât dug into it for quotes yet but this paper goes hard if youâre curious.
Dropping my relevant Spotify playlists here bc why not: Chilchuck & his wife, marchil angst
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