#shit. did i tw for all the things

[lilybug-02]

Eimmet High...temmiE high. OMG!

Part 28 || First || Previous || Next...

--Full Series--

Next update may take...much longer! I have finals and an internship and not to mention I have to draw- A LOT :')

#Golly! #this is a shorter update but I wanted it to be that way. We've been in the house for a while. It's time to change some scenery!! #Chara using their game narrator voice like “golly!” and “amazing!” #Eimmet high :)) i was really hoping to be able to reference Temmie Chang here. An integral part of UT/DR!! She's awesome! #WE ARE OFFICIALLY ON Day 2 BABY #yes- there is still a little everyman easter egg as well as some other things... ;) #I tried so many new and different things for these panels. I was a little nervous implementing them. But im having a lot of fun with it! #i try to put my own artistic enjoyment above all other things :) its what I strive for. #Angle's landing day! excited for the festivities! #Chara is feeling stabby :) #loved detailing Chara's hand in the last page. When I detail the hands- just know shits getting real #I'm really happy with how I was able to redraw Toriel here. She showed up in the second part and that was it for 2 years -w- #so even if she's not a major character- I wanted to give her some good screen time <3 #I did not make the Darkworld “Mayor” just for that one joke....but dang did it fit perfectly. #these 4 pages took longer than I wanted. I got burnt out with school and then finals came!!! AND ALSO EMAILS q-q #deltarune chara timeline #deltarune chara timeline comic #chara #asriel #kris #susie #toriel #tw cursing #cw cursing

[daxwormzz]

Catabolic Seed

(more Piter, this time depicting my friend’s design for him. I like a little variety sometimes)

#dune #piter de vries #piter dune #dune piter #dune by frank herbert #dune fanart #tw drugs #cw drugs #thinking about the symbolic gesture of kissing someone’s ring #to show fealty #The baron probably made Piter do that a lot. seems like the type of guy #thinking about how the baron exploits Piter’s addiction and just straight up days it plain as day #I call that whole passage in the book the “Vladimir dehumanizes Piter for shits and giggles’’ section #because that is essentially what he’s doing #anyways yeah guess I can also tag things like #baron harkonnen #vladimir harkonnen #and #cw addiction #just to be safe #The baron’s only there in HAND FORM but it’s enough to tag I think. whatevs #I dont personally ship Piter and the baron because like. Not even Piter deserves that #Free my man (he did all that shit and is very guilty. but it would be funny if he had to live a normal ish life)

[avisisisis]

i cannot stop thinking about anissa and marky though [COMIC SPOILERS]

how did he react when he learned what his mother did? just like mark, he lived a lie. he thought his mother was kind and nice — the only thing that is true is that she loved him, but now, he has no idea if he should believe it

and. you've grown up being conditioned to believe that violence is peace, and that kindness is a lie and a weakness. you hurt people. by hurting a person, by destroying him irreparably, you found the boy you love most: your son. and you don't regret it. you hope one day, once he sees him, he'll get it. but you still don't regret it. you can't say you're sorry

marky will grow up without his biological father, because when mark hugs him he can only remember his mother and what she did to him. your father can't love you the way your mom did. you can't love your mother the way your father loved his

the worst part is, that it she hadn't done it, you wouldn't have existed. you wouldn't be here. your father will grow to love you. you will grow to accept each other. but you tend to wonder — if he never sees you as anything else other than your mother's son, then who will you have when everyone else you know dies?

#i hate anissa but also her character was done so well #like i hate her #fuck her #but jesus christ. #wow #i feel so bad for marky honestly #when anissa said “i don't regret it. tell him. tell him he'll understand when he sees him” #that shit hurt me #that was the WORST time for you to die girl #i was like “idc about anissa thank fuck she died” but then #i put myself in marky's place. and WOWWW #you gotta be strong to deam with that #YOU GOTTA BE STRONG TO BE ANY INVINCIBLE TBH #LIKE WOW. #thinking about mark now #imagine learning that the person who hurt you the most is a better person now #and that means she regrets kt #but then you learn right after her death that she does not regret it at all #you don't even get to hear an “i'm sorry”. not that you'd have listened to it #then you learn she had a son. with you. named AFTER YOU #honestly i can't blame him for allowing things to be THAT awkward w marky #i am so glad the reconciled tho I don't think I'd be able to live if mark's son hated him #tw sa mention #invincible #invincible comic #comic spoilers #marky grayson #anissa invincible #mark grayson #b4 anyone gets this wrong: I DO NOT SUPPORT WHAT ANISSA DID. it's just that marky's relationship w her is smth i would love to see explored

[mo-ok]

What's a Red without their Blue?

Choujuu Sentai Liveman

Yusuke Amamiya & Megumi Misaki

#liveman #choujuu sentai liveman #sentai #yusuke amamiya #megumi misaki #red and blue #another red bird + blue aquatic animal duo added to the pile #this team got put through SO MUCH bullshit but they were always there for each other and i 😭😭😭 #they were besties your honor #the 'make fun of jou' club #these two (plus jou) really did feel like they've been friends for a long time #they love each other but also tease the shit out of each other and i LOVE THEM VERY MUCH #fav thing about megumi is how she is not into the guys AT ALL but is then upset that they arent into her either #fav thing about yusuke is how much of a bleeding heart romantic softy he is #gif post tag #tw flashing

[spider-man-2o99]

ok so apparently i can just never articulate my Deep Thoughts on purpose and can only do it by accident whilst rambling in the notes of a bookmark where the veneer of anonymity feels like a false-protective coat to hide behind, or somesuch-something like that. idk. anyways. anyways. i don't like how fucking mean-spirited across the spider-verse as a film seemingly is for literally no reason at all other than just bcuz it Could Be. y/k.

#talking tag #atsv #spider-man #spider-man 2099 #miguel o'hara #miles morales #suicide mention #suicide tw #& i am talking abt the Actual Textual Content of atsv btw not the Fandom Interpretation of it. bcuz those r 2 different things lmao. #every additional piece of context that we learn abt the behind-the-scenes too. it just. Sours this film to me. like drinking rotten milk #only ONE person outside of his family unconditionally supports miles. ONE. ONE!!!!!!!!!! the whole film!!!! #(obie obie broauwn i hate the AM i hate the PM u will live in my heart for ever) #and Knowing now how much the writers obviously didnt give a shit abt Mig.. it all just reads like that rotten any1 can wear the mask but yo #and that echoes in the narrative disdain for the one other spider-man in the whole movie whose origin is /like miles/. #who DID have a spider-man in his world who died before he got his powers who IS motivated by fear by wanting 2 be good but thinking he cant #You Cant Wear This Mask. The Only People Who Are Like You Actually LIKE You Are Twisted And Wrong And Warped Inevitably By That Wrongness. #Nobody Will Ever Understand What You Have Been Through And You Were Stupid And Naive To Ever Try Otherwise. You Petulant Child. #and the spider society treats miguel like shit like im honestly surprised that was just such a Casual Thing in the movie but no #they microaggress him 2 hell and back they insult him to his face they do not respect his boundaries they flat-out just Dont Respect Him #and he Takes It. of course he takes it. it is Literally All He Knows. taking it and hating himself and knowing that he is Different. #Christ almighty. what a shitshow.

[8bit-mau5]

the past two months have been literal hell on earth for me at home, which is why activity from me has been next to nonexistent and work been so slow going with all the emergencies cropping up.. it's been incredibly stressful and i kinda crumbled under it all OTL 3 of our 4 chickens were killed a week or so ago as well after giving them away to family and it also hit me really hard, i named and raised those lil ladies since they were chicks ;; (we took our only survivor, Maki, back since then)

but things are being handled and i should be able to get back up on the horse in time (': i'm really sorry I let my environment get the best of me and scaring you guys with my absence and vent posting abt getting rid of this blog, i won't be deleting this place after having posted my art here since i was a kid. Thank yall so much for reaching out and offering comfort as well, it really was appreciated (even if i didnt get to reply to all comments)

#8bit beeps #tw pet death #anyways all patience and kindness is well aircraft’s during these times (‘: tysm guys #well appreciated ** my god #at the start of the month tho i did some math and ever since getting to draw on my replacement for my shit prev laptop #on jan 17th to like. the first week of this month. ive completed 85 pieces of owed art and have 15+ in the WIPs phase i jump between #when i can. so im confident abt getting things done again within the next few days :'3

[bylertruther]

the usage of tentacles in stranger things is so graphic lol like 🤨 i know what u are, bro(s)......

#making them undulate and pump things and fucking . breed inside of ppl or whatever the fuck like hello for the love of god hello #and making it so that it IS henry. it's all Him. it's Always been him. a Man made monster. imposing his horde on innocent ppl #some of which were kids. and he calls himself a predator. like. HELLO?! #he's so yuckydisgusting and the fucking. jesus. the hellraiser inspo...... the primal fear inspo... #i go insane every time i think abt it all abt HIM he's so slimy....... (said while cackling evilly bc i can't wait for s5) 🔥😈🔥 #literally so fucking dark like. HELLO?! [ #thts why i scratch my head any time someone Still calls st a superficial flashy vapid show bc . literally what are u talking abt bro do u #not remember wht they did to my sweet boy william in seasons one and two................... the vine... the slugs.... the possession.... #do u not think tht has like. ramifications. are u new to horror ......... do u not Think abt the things u watch and consume do u not Listen #he wore that boy like a glove and will REMEMBERS he still FEELS it in his body he felt it EVERYWHERE he tried to make it STOP he said GO #AWAY it had FOLLOWED him not just after he came back but before then too and it KEEPS coming back i jus. to be a gay boy in #the eighties and have tht all done to you by a man. will who clings to his childhood and the time from 'before' it all went to shit #will who hides and doesn't tell ppl how he feels will who is coming into his own finally in the same season tht they wage the final war #against the great evil like. stranger things the show that you are will byers the character tht you are i lov u both sm . #henry who had his autonomy taken away from his and so he takes it away from others henry who perpetuates the cycle of abuse i jus. AHHHHHH #this show................ PHEW #csa tw #rape tw

[youkah]

I get so mad at people using harmless kinks that they personally don't like against others to justify harassment campaigns but I especially hate it when trans women especially trans women of colour are targeted just for speaking out about transmisogyny they experience. Like why are we pedojacketing trans women just cause we disagree with them...? people are so gross to transfems on here

#text #reading up the thing about n*otrances #had no idea it got Even Worse. #obv this isn't an issue exclusive to him a lot of non transfem people do this shit #I'm also uncomfortable with like pregnancy kinks but I'm not gonna say ppl are pedis for it #only bringing that up cause it was one of the specific things brought up #sorry I'm just mad #you guys also did this with the creator of the Mandela catalogue #yes I read the call out I have all the context and I still think it's bs #internet stop seeing trans women as inherently predatory challenge FAILED #transmisogyny tw #transphobia tw

[aroacesigma]

Every time I talk to my sister I feel like I'm going fucking insane how is she so utterly convinced she's the victim when she treats people like this

#i honestly don't know how she has her head this far up her ass #If you try and make her see how shitty she makes you feel she brings up every little thing you ever did to her #most of which is only the result of her treating you like shit #like yes. if you treat people like dirt for years on end they ARE going to yell at you #i don't even know how to express any of this to her it just hurts #she's awful to my parents awful to me all the time #you ask her to do a basic fucking task and she gives you the nastiest look #i genuinely don't fucking know what's wrong with her and honest to god my family has tried everything #and the worst part is every time i get mad at her even if I'm logically speaking in the right #i feel awful and guilty and i want to rip my fucking skin off #i got so many fucking bruises my legs hurt like hell i swear to god #genuinely feel like I'm going crazy #anyway. #vent tw #sh mention tw #i guess.

[doodlboy]

wanted to make sure i told you again! it is literally basic fandom etiquette not to use the main tags for vent/anti/hate about a character! people use those tags because they LIKE solomon, not because they want to see some idiot calling him "basically a rapist" for something >>NOT EVEN ASMODEUS<< interpreted that way. fix your fucking tags! go fuck yourself!

Hi there, If your initial reaction to seeing someone talk about negative [yet still canon] things related to your favorite character is to come into that person's ask box and tell them to go fuck themselves, you need to get up, turn of your computer, and go outside for a while.

Whatever post you're mad about was made months ago, using tags that are meant to be used when discussing a character regardless of how much the op likes said character.

Solomon is fine, I don't really care for him, but what I'm most likely referring to in the post you're talking about is the hypocrisy of the obey me fandom when it comes to Solomon's behavior.

When Solomon attempted to give Lucifer a drink that was enchanted to make him want a pact with Solomon, it was fairly well agreed across the fandom that what Solomon did was pretty fucked up and not okay. However, when talking about how Solomon got his pact with Asmodeus by taking advantage of the fact he was heartbroken and drunk to tie him into a forever binding pact against his will, somehow people are making excuses as to why it was necessary and why what Solomon did is fine actually and not a problem at all. This is where my issue with Solomon and his fans lies, with the hypocrisy. I couldn't give 2 shits whether he's your favorite character or not, good for you if he is! But what we're NOT going to do is scream bloody murder when Solomon attempts to do shady shit to Lucifer, but overly demonize Asmodeus, say he deserved it, say his charming power is non consensual regardless of the fact nowhere in canon says he has ever used it to have non consensual sex and has only used it to get himself and his family out of danger, or say that he is a beast that needs to be controlled when we don't talk that way about the other 6 brothers, when Solomon succeeds in taking advantage of his inebriated state to tie them together so he can use Asmodeus' power for his own gain.

And one more thing we aren't going to do; call me an idiot and accuse me of calling your blorbo a rapist when *you* cannot tell the difference between someone saying "a character was taken advantage of while under the influence" and "this character is a rapist." Solomon did not sexually assault anyone, however the framing of that scene is open to interpretation and to my interpretation, it was heavy handed in showing Solomon doing something that is extremely not okay and laughing it off like it was completely fine. Because to him, it IS fine to treat demons like that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my interpretation of the scene, and I will continue to use characters' main tags when talking about them because the tags are used for discussion.

#sorry 2 my folks following me 4 the really long post #i would have said this all in the tags normally but I'm not abt to be misconstrued about this topic a third time #anon i dont know who you are but honestly if you're getting this pissed off about a post and not just- choosing to ignore it #maybe you need to take a step back and see how shitty and out of pocket the thing you just did was #you essentially came into my house and yelled at me about shit I said when my door was closed in the privacy of my house [in this case blog] #if you didnt like the post just move on! theres literally nothing to be gained from you coming into a stranger's asks and yelling @ them #over a fictional man no less #He's fake! he isn't a real person! so his actions don't actually matter! #what does matter and what speaks volumes is the fact that the fandom can't decide if its okay for Solomon to do shady shit 2 the demon bros #y'all like to pick and choose who its okay for him to be shady 2 and its extremely not ok. got me? #if you lot are gonna be upset abt what he did to Lucifer then you're going to be upser abt what he did to Asmo. period. #elliot rambles #anon asks #thank you for the ask #anon hate #r word #sa mention #tw sa mention #rape mention #obey me

[raiiny-bay]

here are some outtakes from my last edit btw

#myedits #smoking tw #harley #arthur #idk i didn't really think they fit the rest of the post tbh #but ofc i decided that *after* rendering & editing them #i have the most severe brainrot for vellichor rn #like it's so bad i can't even write anything for it. i'm just stuck thinking about them #i'm really sad actually that these two couldn't stay friends bc harley genuinely did care about arthur #even though he didn't always act like it #& i think arthur just really needed harley #like he's the one who cut artie's hair for him when arthur came out & he would literally fight anyone who tried to give artie shit about it #& he'd pick up the phone anytime arthur called #like if artie called him in the middle of the night he would literally bolt out the door #no shoes no jacket just stole his mom's car keys & went #harley was the only one who really knew about all of artie's problems #but idk they grew up & jealousy & bitterness overtook their relationship #& they'd weaponize each others' secrets #& when everything w daisy happened that was like. the final push ig #they could no longer see passed each others' flaws or differences & things just like. went to shit #i've been working on the playlist #that's why there are these thoughts in my head rn

[snakesinsocks2005]

why tf is using ibis paint so annoying I just want to crop an image for godsakes

#I seem to get little introductory popups for every useless function on this app Except for the ones I want to know!!!! #I shouldn't have to look up a YouTube tutorial guide on basic fucking things!!!! #Sigh. Sony sketch why did you die. as soon as I get a new tablet all my unsaved shit is going to be lost forever Again #And it's going to be really annoying. And I know I'll have to get used to more complicated art programs but fuck!!! This Is So Sucks rn #Tw vent #Deleting later #If I remember. Lol

[chipped-chimera]

Ugh ... I am low-key so worried about how the BG3 ending is gonna play out for Karlach that I'm considering stopping playing and just coming back to it when I can handle it. Some of this shit is just hitting too close to home and I'm not sure I'm cut out for it.

More personal context under the cut if you want.

I relate to Karlach's pain so much. Too much. To the point it makes me teary thinking about it. Both of our lives have been cruel.

It has been hard for me, despite a stable family upbringing that most would envy, in a lower-middle class family that for the large part has been financially stable. I'm also white. I know I'm lucky in that capacity - god I fucking know (and the thought that what I've gone through could be considered a 'lucky' position? What does that mean for others? It keeps me up at night).

But that didn't stop the pain crawling in. I wasn't diagnosed with Autism until 27. I wasn't diagnosed with co-morbid ADHD until I was 28. I wasn't medicated for ADHD until I was 30 (and that was AFTER being told by a psych who also invalidated my Autism diagnosis aka the context for fucking EVERYTHING in my life, I couldn't have ADHD because I could 'read a book').

Before that? I knew I was depressed at 13, but didn't want to burden my family so I did nothing - we may be lower middle class and stable but I knew that was only because my parents tried so fucking hard. We had camping chairs in place of furniture up until I was eight. I lived with the pain because I didn't want to burden them, and without the context of my neurodivergence I just blamed myself for the problem, not being good enough, not trying hard enough - not being ENOUGH. I held onto it until I cracked and couldn't take it anymore at 16. I was diagnosed with Depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. It's since been upgraded to chronic Major Depression and it's classed as treatment resistant.

Both of us have had moments of building ourselves up from nothing. Through therapy and medication I was able to feel a bit better, more positive as I left high school. Thinking maybe it was gonna be okay after all, out there in the world.

It felt like I'd slowly reached out into the light, tentatively, hopefully - there'd be something more, that I'd live out the dreams I'd had, the things I'd always wanted to do. I was still optimistic.

Instead it felt like that arm had been immediately lopped off.

The story is long and too complicated to tell without this being longer than it needs to be. But like Karlach, I feel I've lost years of my life. Like Karlach, it's been a decade - ten years. That I cannot get back, that I grieve keenly.

I have been isolated, and then betrayed by those I thought I trusted. First, by the systems that were supposed to help me when I was struggling - my own government's system as they hit me with a debt that I couldn't even pay, on a scheme which has in retrospect been found to be completely illegal, but has left me with lasting trauma and damage and no closure. Not even a sorry. Because I, with my undiagnosed Autism and ADHD and a growing fatigue issue where I was so exhausted from simply being alive I just couldn't fight it. So I let them take money out of my social security payment - which was and still is considered below the poverty line. I was punished for being poor, I was punished for arguably, being disabled.

And then, by the person I trusted most. The person I thought I loved, the person who made it felt like everything was okay - I may be struggling still but there was still a future! There was someone who cared about me, who would be beside me for the rest of my lifetime. He asked me to marry him. We were engaged for three. Years. We'd been dating for 10. I thought everything, despite all the shit happening to me, was going to be okay.

It wasn't.

I had landed some employment for the first time in 3 years. I was working more hours than advised by the psychologist who diagnosed me with Autism but I had no choice - I was literally on the minimum limit available to me, due to the barriers I still have to navigate to qualify for disability supports (again, from a government system that I no longer trusted and gave me the earnest impression that they preferred me dead than 'leeching off their system'). But I was not living. I couldn't handle even 15 hours a week, I was more exhausted than I'd ever been. I felt like a corpse. I spoke with my disability employment coordinator (no, despite what I said, being on disability EMPLOYMENT services does not qualify you getting onto disability support, just means the government will only hound me for a minimum of 15 hrs a week instead of 30 in order for social security, that's a whole other complicated thing) IN CONFIDENCE that I wasn't sure I could keep up with the current work format and hoped I could discuss some solutions. Next minute I find I'm locked out of the work facebook. I was fired, without warning and without protections because I was a casual. Because my employment coordinator told my boss before even discussing anything with me.

My relationship was suffering but I wasn't aware. I was too tired for intimacy, and probably two tired to see the signs. I'd gotten my Autism diagnosis at this point and maybe it was a bit difficult for my fiancée at the time to understand, but he came to terms with it. The ADHD assessment was booked. I had realized at this point pushing myself to be something I wasn't, thinking somehow landing work and earning money for myself would help the depression - it didn't. I was worse than I'd ever been. Then the moment came where I was handed a notice that the government would no longer give me any social security because my partner, on his meager chef's salary was earning too much. All because I'd tried to do the right thing by the government. I'd tried so hard to be good. I'd tried so hard to be ENOUGH.

I wasn't enough.

My fiancée came to me, my fiancée who I'd been talking to about our upcoming wedding plans now the pandemic was over, my fiancée who I'd been cuddling with on the couch last night watching films - he came to me when I was battered, and raw and broken and crying in bed - just said 'I can't do this anymore.' And that was it. It was done. As I processed it, I realised the root of it was, it was because I'd taken the mask off. I decided I wasn't going to try to be something I wasn't anymore, because I knew and it was backed up in countless studies - what I was doing was actively killing me. And he didn't want to deal with that. I wasn't enough, and yet I was too much.

It has been two years since then. My ADHD is medicated. I live in a stable, safe environment with my parents where I don't have to worry about my security. I have set firm boundaries that I learned while I was independent, and they respect them. But the wounds are still deep and it'll take a long time to recover, to get that trust in the world back.

When I look at Karlach, I see some of myself. Someone who has been used, abused and betrayed by those they trusted. Someone who felt abandoned by everything, that there was no hope, no way out. And yet in spite of it all - kept going. Who, deep in their heart kept something soft and safe. Held onto and protected what little shred of optimism left. Because if we don't practice kindness, who will? We want to be the kindness we want to see in the world, because fuck, have we seen so little of it. It is so easy to give up, to fall into despair when you've been through so much shit. It requires so much vigilance and energy and momentum to keep going, when you're wading through a battlefield of carnage and gore in your life, whether metaphorical or literal. We hold on and we are kind because we hope, one day, that kindness will touch us back. That despite it all we try our fucking hardest to wear a smile, and see the good in everything we can.

And I think that's why it hurts so much. Karlach is finally free. And happy. She feels loved. She's finally feeling some of that kindness again kindness that I know, that she knows she fucking deserves. And it's on a fucking time limit.

And that's what's fucking breaking me. I know she's supposed to be some kind of allegory for terminal illness. And I know this isn't my story. I know it's a story that is important to tell, and it will touch others in a different way. But for me it feels like all the wounds I've barely scabbed over are being ripped open again. Because this is not an ending she deserves at all. It makes me sit and wonder, is that all there is for people like us? Just brief windows of happiness in the pain until we die? Don't we deserve saving? Don't we deserve a happy ending? A peaceful one? Don't we deserve to wear that smile, that happiness without us having to fight for every second it with tooth and nail to keep it there? To believe in it?

I don't know the endings in detail for her. But i have seen enough in the vaguest sense to feel it won't be good, and I don't know if I'm ready for that. I have played games with sad themes, like I know Cyberpunk isn't that great either - but I think the difference is who it is happening to. It's somehow easier when it's you, as the player. But when it's someone else? When you know that pain so fucking keenly you would rip yourself apart just to let them escape that hell, it's hard to stomach.

Then there's the disability angle that bothers me so much. Currently her options, as she puts it, are burning up and dying or going back to Avernus. I understand why she's choosing death, like, fuck man I do. Why is it always death though? Why is death better. Why can't she get a replacement heart? Make it shit! It can be a shitty heart that still works, but needs tune ups, and maybe she can't fight like she used to but she gets to fucking live a happy life! Because a shitty, happy life is better than nothing at all. Because as it goes, it feels to me I'm just being told it's easier to just die than submit to the suffering again whenever a piece of media picks an end like this. It's either the cure-all or death, there's never room for something in between. There's never room for making peace with what you have lost and still reclaiming some of your life, grieving what you have lost but still finding something worth having and holding onto. And when you're in that limbo state yourself, it's a hard pill to swallow. And it's hard to let anyone else fall into it.

We both deserve life. We both deserve happiness.

Fuck.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #karlach #ugh why did i have to get stupid for her #ok i know why i got stupid for her #you provide me muscled woman for once? I AM NOT TURNING DOWN A MEAL I AM STARVING FOR #just ugh some of this shit though is hitting too hard #this is long #ventpost #if anyone reads this entire thing and has finished BG3 and doesn't think I can handle it pls let me know #probably gonna drop the game like a hot potato #despite what I said about wanting to finish it badly #idk just got to the bit where she was talking to me about feeling scared and I just ... couldn't #depression tw #trauma tw #I hate that this entire spiel? yeah? This is the /short/ version of my deeplore ok #ngl the disability thing makes me wanna write to larian because I'm sick of this 'better off dead' message thrown at us all #we deserve some positive fucking rep for once #ableism tw #maybe idk #kerytalk #keryplays bg3

[expressionless-fr]

hate hate hate how she gets away with everything she does.

don't read tags if you're sensitive they contain a lot of bullshit and I ain't sugarcoating it ty

#I hope she dies #kn.own// #kn.vent// #I'm done w her bs so I'm just gonna> #kn.eerie// #yep that'll do it #posts regarding to that stupid obsessed piece of shit will be tagged like that and #they will contain all sort of bs you would not want to hear to please block this if you dont want your dash filled with #paranoid episode breakdowns and death threats #yes that's her name I will NOT sugarcoat what she did #I will not call a ftm fake trans by her pronounc #she literally told me she isn't trans actually just for attention #people on rub's art community know her but if you want to know what she did I will gladly explain :/ #the only person who deserves harassment #I am angry #tw kany fucked up things I can't tag #vent

[webvampzz]

i may be paranoid but

#this was funnier in my head #just being silly (joking about thing that isnt funny to me but is funny it i joke about it) #i cant go one second without referencing my interests #im actually going feral #/ref kinda #i may unintentionally reference my interests that i am extremely obsessed with in conversations and be paranoid but atleast i #paranoia #tw paranoia mention #question mark? #cs i really just kinda mentioned it #but its like #idk honestly what am i yapping about #i typed all of this for some silly joke i camr up with 10 hours ago #like the second i wokr up #because im like paranoid all of the tome #and i like that song #which by the way is called paranoid android #so like #i thought it would be a funny joke #and im overreacting to it #i typed our this long ass rant for nothing literally what #<- i am actually laughing at myself from 2 minutes ago why did i type all of that #i am NOT reading all of that #WHY DID I TYPE THAT #WHAT THE FUCK 😭 #random #random shit #stupid joke i came up with #boo 👎

[lielove]

tw ; heavy mentions of abuse and slight mentions of alcoholism.

AI HOSHINO AND HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER MOTHER ;

ai hoshino never knew her father and only ever lived with her mother - this is a fact - it is also a fact that ai's mother was a thief and went to jail because of it, that she beat up ai, and that she tried to make her eat glass in her white rice.

her relationship with her mother was likely never, ever positive in the slightest. she looked at her mother as a person that she lived with and nothing more. there was no love, there was no joy. all there ever was was pain. we know that ai's education was on the lower side, so i suspect that her mother was not taking her to school, and didn't really care if she even got an education.

one of her first memories of her mother was when she tugged her by her jacket, ushering her to beg for money on the streets of japan. she was a small child, only barely old enough to walk on her own two feet. steps were still wobbly, she was shaky. her mother gave her lines to rehearse... ❝ if you say it like this then mommy will be able to get us dinner, okay ai ?? ❞

she smiled at her daughter, but there was nothing but a look of malice in her eyes. the child gives her lines as rehearsed to a few people, but then she fumbles her lines. the passerbys catch on.

her mother takes her anger out on her when they get back to the house. a tiny, tiny two bedroom apartment. littered with trash and smelled of grime. flies swarmed over piles of trash that were long discarded.

ai cries herself to sleep in her ( mainly empty ) bedroom that night.

her mother tells her she doesn't need her to come with her on the streets anymore, tells her that if she can't say what she needs to then she's useless.

ai didn't really want to do it anyway, so she'd take being useless over being a thief and a scammer.

once she's old enough to enter school, she wakes up in the wee hours of the morning, walking herself to school by herself before the sun comes up, and then she walks back home when it ends.

her mother isn't around as much, and the child prefers it that way. when she comes home she sounds weird, loopy... but she's even madder than usual.

ai quickly learns that she needs to lock herself in her room before she hears her mother trying to unlock the front door in a drunken stupor.

her mother gets arrested when she's eight years old, she doesn't think she can forget the way the service worker spoke to her ; a cold voice ❝ your mommy's going to be going away for awhile, so you're being taken someplace else. ❞

anywhere was better than here.

once her mothers sentence is served ai learns that she's been abandoned by her mother - and she spends the next few years at the children's home until scouted out by ichigo saitou, and becomes her de-facto guardian.

it isn't until b-komachi gained popularity again that ai's mother contacted her again. it was a single letter out of a large stack that the production company gathered for her that night.

the look of horror on her eyes when she read the words.

hi sweetie, its mommy !! so you're an idol now ?? i'm so proud of you, my sweet darling daughter... what do you say we meet up for lunch some time, catch up on the years gone by ?? i never meant to leave you at that children's home, you know. oh, and do you think you can spot mommy some cash ?? some things came up.... you know i love you so much, right... ai ??

liar.

her mother was a filthy liar, and it was blatant.

ai approaches the director, letter in hand and tells him ❝ director, could you make sure whoever sent this letter isn't allowed at another one of b-komachi's shows again ?? ❞ he tells her he'll try, but he can't guarantee it.

❝ if this woman is at another one of our shows i'll terminate my contract and work with another company instead. ❞

she's serious about this.

the next night is spent looking over security footage into the wee hours of the morning, and ai points out her mother in the crowd. she tears the letter to shreds and finally feels a moment of relief. with that taken care of, she wouldn't need to worry about her mother any more for the rest of her life...

#【♥】 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔 ; a secret just for me. #tw ; abuse mentions #{ the only things we KNOW ai's mom did to her is that she hid glass in ai's white rice and that ai got physically beat up by her mom } #{ this is merely my thoughts on everything that may have happened prior to her mom getting arrested and how her life Was. } #{ so i wanted to give a more in depth discussion about what led her to be this way based on what all we do know. } #{ her life was really bad she was treated like shit by her mom and the system... didn't do her justice } #{ her abuse is what shaped her character it's what led to her becoming a people hating liar. it's not something that can really be ignored #when thinking about her character either. her past is imperative to the person she became as an idol and entertainer. } #{ thank you for reading if you did i understand why someone may not want to with as heavy a topic as it is. } #{ as someone that has endured forms of abuse in my own life i know it's so so important to handle topics like these with care. } #long post //