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#she's trying very hard both as a person and as a mother
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More Darry Curtis headcanons
-Goes to every single parent/teacher interview night or open house at Ponyboy’s school, even if he has to take off work. Part of it is because he’s determined to be a good guardian but part of it is because he just proud of Pony and likes hearing from teachers how great he is
-Speaking of how great Pony is, Darry brags about Pony SO much. Like his work crew and the gang never stop hearing about how great the kid is…except when the kid is present. Then you couldn’t get a compliment out of him if you pried his jaw open
-He and Sodapop both have a soft spot for soap operas and watch them together super late at night so no one else in the gang- Pony included- will find out. (Steve caught them once but he just sat down quietly, waving away their hasty attempts to explain themselves, muttering for them to shut up, and that he used to watch them with his mom when she was still around. The three of them finished the episode and went to bed without saying anything else.)
-Loves music of all kinds (I just know he’d be one of those guys that is SO into music history and makes it everyone else’s problem) “did you know this song was meant to be an apology to-“ “-to some random broad, we know Dar, now shut up would ya?”
-Is left handed
-He and Two-bit butt heads quite a bit but he’s also closer to Two than almost anyone else in the gang because they’re the closest in age. They have so many inside jokes that the rest of the gang gets confused because Two can sometimes get him to snicker from seemingly innocuous remarks that aren’t funny to anyone but Darry
-Has dragged Soda (and Steve by extension) away from Buck’s too many times to count and is pissed every time
-Worries the whole time when he goes on ski trips with his old buddies. He worries a lot anyway, but it’s always worse when he’s too far from home to get there immediately  if something happened. Both Soda and Pony know this so they’re actually better behaved when he’s gone than when he isn’t
-Speaking of the ski trips, he always comes back glowing, for once looking his age, so the gang encourages him to go as much as possible. They have to be subtle about it though, because he gets suspicious that they’re planning something if they make it too obvious they’re trying to get him to leave, and then there’s no way in hell he’ll go
-Loves rodeos but unlike Soda has never and never wanted to participate in one
-Mother's day and father's day are contentious days in the Curtis house ever since the accident, so Soda and Pony just designated a random day as 'Darry Day" and got him little gifts, and did all the housework because they really do appreciate everything he does for them. Darry was super touched and vehemently denies tearing up when he saw the card Pony made for him
-His bond with Tim Shepard is hard for the gang, Darry himself, and even Tim to figure out, but it’s very strong despite how little they actually interact
-Despite refusing to ever go to the hospital, he’s actually the absolute worst patient when he’s sick. It takes a lot for him to admit that he’s ill, but once he does he’s absolutely insufferable. Pony and Soda takes turns taking care of him because they’re both liable to lose their temper if they have to do it for too long without a break. (“Soda my head hurts” “I know Darry” “Soda I need a glass of water” “you have a glass of water” “but Soda it’s not cold” “I got you a new one five minutes ago” “but Soda it warmed up” “damnit! Pony tag in, you deal with him, I need a smoke” “Pony I’m dying” “you’re not dying Dar” “yes I am” "no you're not")
-He’s a super fast walker. Like, anyone shorter than him has to jog a lil to catch up
-He’s a cat person. Pony and Soda are both dog people, and it has caused more than one argument despite the fact they have no pets and couldn’t afford  one even if they could agree on what they wanted
-He and Soda definitely made a secret handshake when they were little, and he still remembers every single move of it even though they haven’t done it in years and he isn’t sure if Soda even remembers making it
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purgemarchlockdown · 3 days
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Ah what the heck I'll post it through here
So in some discord servers, you've seen me specualte that Amane's uniform is inspired by the private Catholic Fukuoka Kaisei girl's school affiliated primary school (福岡海星女子学院附属小学校)
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Now, because of the name, I assumed this was an all girls primary school And that the picture above was of 4 girls and the school simply allowed children to wear either skirts or shorts (its uncommon for Japanese elementary schools to have uniform to begin with so I could see a laxer dress code when it comes to stuff like this)
However After a bit more reading of their website Turns out that the Fukuoka Kaisei girl's school affiliated primary school Despite the name Has in fact been a co-ed/mixed gender primary school for the last 50-so years And while I can't find a dress code on their website It does seem like all the students in pictures on their site who wear shorts are boys
Anyway to cut a long story short: Amane's uniform actually resembles the boys one more than the girls (shorts instead of skirt + no ribbon + more central buttons)
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And I know you like the trans girl Amane theory so I figured you'd enjoy this info
The only disclaimer I have to give is that the long haired child whose father tattles on Amane is in the same uniform (shorts and all)
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So like if this is a girl then occam's razor is that girls at Amane's school just wear shorts (also it'd be strange for Amane's cult to follow gender rolls Except for hair?? idk maybe im overthinking)
TRANS AMANE BELIEVERS WE MIGHT STAY WINNING!!!! It would be weird if they did follow the entire dress code Except for the hair. Additionally those buttons are tripping me up since their Buttoned like the girls so this actually comes somewhere more in the middle of the Both of them...if it does turn out my insane "Amane perceives gender in the same way a cat does, it's just there" catthing Amane idea is real I'm going to explode.
Regarding the girl though...I can't believe I can unveil my insane Queer Infighting Amane idea- okay so in cults it's generally heavily encouraged to outright spy and tattle on people who misbehave:
(BITE)
Information Control: Encourage spying on other members a. Impose a buddy system to monitor and control member b. Report deviant thoughts, feelings and actions to leadership c. Ensure that individual behavior is monitored by group
I think, and this is pure speculation there's is very little supporting this I just like the idea. It be fun if they were BOTH trans.
My reasoning behind this is, first of all Amane doesn't seem to have many friends. Her T2 distorted voiceline has her say:
Father is a very praiseworthy person. Once his virtue increases, he'll come back home, right? It's a little lonely, but I'm fine!
Which, okay it's fair that her homelife is lonely, this doesn't necessarily inform her school life. But if we go to the Prison she's rather isolated overall.
Even in T1. Yuno and Mahiru are people she considers "close" but that's after mulling it over a bit due to being asked.
T1Q10: Is there any prisoner you're close with? A: If I were to say, I guess it would be Yuno and Mahiru.
It's not for a lack of Trying, she tries very hard actually. It's just that people tend to note the way she acts is weird and that gets exasperated in T2 where it's said she's pretty isolated.
But also, I was discussing with a mutual about her relation with this peer and they said that it's possible that this question:
T2Q11: Did you love the person you killed? A: I loved them.
Is referring to a Second Victim (This child) and Not her mother because...well one Amane has shown Very Little Fondness for her mother, and two it's entirely possible she killed multiple people because her staff in Purge March has blood on it Before she gets to her house.
Second thing: Cat Symbolism, Cat Symbolism stay winning forever. There is substantial amount of subtext you can wring out of the Cat being representative of sin and impurity, and Amane taking care of it and also being the Cat. Same with having her be "found out" by a peer and then sold out to, to her Religious Fundamentalist parents.
So now we go into my insane, circumstantial evidence, idea of Queer Infighting. I love WKTD and a big thing in that game is that even if your a "bad kid" if there's someone "worse" than you, you can live another day. And this kid can be anyone, the devil can be Anyone.
Amane has stated an inability to be a good girl:
Only if, only if, only if I could be a good girl
And a lack of desire to exactly "be one" since it requires her not being...herself, and she's happy with who she is.
T2Q20: How do you feel about you not being like everyone else? A: Nevertheless I was born as myself, so I'm happy
So, I'm just saying on a purely speculatory "this would be fun" basis. If we got queer infighting 12 year olds who are trying their best to be "good." I would explode.
Also, she is paralleled with both Mukuhara Kazui and known Genderless Freak Es so, yknow.
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This was supposed to be posted yesterday for Women’s International Day :’D sorry I don’t know how to draw bed sheets 😭
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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months
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...
#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
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spiked-mall-goth · 11 months
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heyyyyyy <3 <3 i feel terrible.
i had planned to stay off longer but i genuinely have had like three nervous breakdowns since i left bc right as i decided it was abt time i just chill for a little bit everything started happening all at once. so i came back to see my silly little internet friends, but like the second i logged back on some ppl were talking smack abt me sooooooooo... ya know. my day (two weeks) be so fine,, then BOOM my entire schedule fills up and i become hollow on the inside! (hey sorry like vent post n tags i need to get things out of my brain)
#spikes rambles#i was happy there for a minute too :<#heres what its looking like rn....#i have three weddings. one of which i am a bridesmaid for and was left to get my own dress#but i cant afford a nice dress that matches. so i have to make one my damn self. and in two weeks.#i have a graduation.. and a graduation party both for different ppl#even tho i had to push back my own graduation by a full year bc things were just not going as planned. and now everyone thinks im a failure#im volunteering to teach at a kids summer camp like thingy. i was supposed to have a partner but i was told that she actually#wants nothing to do with me and was forced into this but i was under the impression that we would be teaching TOGETHER#and not her being an assistant. so now i have to call her and be like heyyyyy what the fuck is going on i need to know the lesson plan#im also volunteering for a church summer thing. if i could i wouldnt be doing this but my self made mother figure asked me personally#to help and i cant say no to this. we get to hang out and i get to paint like murals and shit and we've been doing this together for years#i have to spend the weekend with my bio mother to go to a celtic festival thing bc my younger brother wants to go.#i'm having some pretty severe best friend problems which i am honestly not well equipped enough to deal with and its eating me away inside#summer has officially started here so that means 24/7 headaches and sensory problems. straight up category 5 autism moments#i had to pick up the slack and become a paternal figure to my youngest brother. which is just sad that i have to at all#my dear beloved friend is trying very hard to make a young adult like hangout (???) thing in own town and really wants me to go#but i just dont wanna. i dont really care for social gatherings#hey guys btw all this has happened or was planned for next month in the two weeks i was gone#what the fuck.
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acekoomboom · 9 months
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characters that are very me-coded but i can't explain how:
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Thanks for tagging me in @outer-edges ;) Gah I wanna explain why they're all me so bad but I can't bc that's not how you play.
@watatsumi-island and @the-portal-rule-book you're next :) if you wanna.
Wendy Darling, Peter Pan (2003)/ Peeta Mellark, The Hunger Games/ Jane Villanueva, Jane The Virgin/ Kara Danvers, Supergirl/ Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings/ Melissa McCall, Teen Wolf (TV)/ Dawn Summers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer/ Sailor Jupiter, Sailor Moon (1992)/ Angela Montenegro, Bones.
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gallusrostromegalus · 7 months
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The Van Has Officially Declared It Spooky Season
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I've got my parent's van for the week and it seems determined to establish my status as The Local Cryptid by terrorizing an innocent 7-11 clerk.
...I might need to back up a bit.
My mother is an eminently sensible woman who knows herself well, and when The Plauge hit, she knew she'd need some sort of mentally and physically engaging craft project to keep herself from going insane and massacring the local zoning and water management boards (even if they have it coming). So she and Dad acquired a utility van and converted it into a camper van because while they love camping, they're past the age where their joints and immune systems will tolerate sleeping on the cold ground in a nylon tent.
They did a terrific job of it and my mom taught herself woodworking and carpentry and now the van has it's own cabinets, fold-away dining table, and removable queen-sized bed with memory foam mattress. My Dad was already a computer engineer, but he learned the dark magics of automotive software and electronics to install after-market backup cameras, a media player that would take a terabyte hard drive and a solar-powered battery and outlet so they could wake up and just turn on the kettle and griddle for breakfast without having to exit the van into a cold morning on an empty stomach.
Truly, the height of Camping Luxury.
My parents are both in their mid-seventies and my primary life goal is to be at least half as cool and hale as they are when I get old.
Anyway, they take it out at least a dozen times a year and it works fabulously, but, being as I am on good terms with my parents and also finishing the process of moving house, I've been borrowing it to move large and cumbersome objects that will not fit in the back of my equally lovely but minuscule Honda hatchback.
It's a Great Van. Very easy and comfortable to drive. Stunningly good MPG for it's size. The best cruise control I've ever had in a car.
It's just also. Quirky. Mischievous, even.
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If this van has a fault its that it bears the unfortunate affliction that all lightly used white utility vans have in that the combination of an utter lack of branding features and the large dent/scrape I accidentally put on it while trying to escape a Denny's last Thanksgiving means that this vehicle is one addition of a Badly Spray-Painted "FREE CANDY" on the side away from being the sort of vehicle you see in an edgy horror movie.
It's got the same issue that Doberman Dogs have where they look like the sort of creature that likes to snack on toddler's faces whilst actually having personalities made of marshmallow fluff. This vehicle is unnecessarily menacing and I think nothing short of an airbrushed Epic Van Wizard will correct this. People see this van pull up and lean over and squint suspiciously at me when the driver's side door opens, and then look moderately confused when, instead of Charles Manson, a small, potato-shaped creature with neon purple hair and a statistically unlikely assortment of dogs emerges.
My own two dogs, Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin/Corgi and Charleston Chew The Taco Dumpster Dog, Do Not Like The Van. Even with the bed in it, they have a tendency to slide and roll around in the back, and both WILL chew through dog saftey belts or other attempts to secure them in there.
On the other hand, my house mate's dog, an exceptionally tall standard poodle whom we lovingly call "The Creature", loves the Van because SHE wears her doggy seat-belt with only mild complaining and gets to sit up in the passenger seat like A People.
Also like A People, The Creature likes to stand and walk around on her hind legs. It doesn't hurt her and it's entirely voluntary, but every so often I will feel a hand on my arm and instead of my husband or friend, it's a canine that's taller than I am on her hind legs who wants to stare at my face with soulful, concerned eyes. The Creature's favorite thing is that she is exactly the right height for me to hold her arm in Genteel Fashion and walk around the pet food or hardware store with her like I'm a count escorting a debutante around a royal ball.
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As it stands, I am set to inherit this vehicle whenever my Honda gives up the ghost, and I fully intend to paint an Epic Van Wizard on it when that time comes.
The other peculiarity of The Van is that while Dad did manage to successfully install all his after-market electronics, not all the electronics get along. Sometimes, they fight for Dominance. The Terabyte Music Player and the Backup Camera have a particularly contentious relationship, and turning on the music has about a 25% chance of turning on the backup camera as well, and turning on the Backup Camera is equally likely to turn on the music.
Firthermore, The Van has a favorite song.
I am not kidding that Dad filled an entire terabyte hard drive with music and the software to sort it via the radio controls, but of all the Early Boomer Dad Rock (Kingston Trio over The Eagles) and Irish Folk and Symphonies and the entire discography of Weird Al Yankovic, The Van's favorite song- The one it picks to play as victory music every time it beats the Backup Camera at their weird electronic game of rock-paper-scissors -is The Liberty Bell March by John Phillip Sousa.
You all know this song already.
...but in case you've forgotten the tune:
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Yeah.
The Van's favorite song is the goddamn Monty Python's Flying Circus Theme Music.
It does not play this song at a normal volume.
Every time I turn on the Backup Camera and it manages to turn the music player on as well, The Van insists on absolutely blasting this nonsense on at the maximum volume it's physically capable of producing, which I know is loud enough to be heard from the Denver International Airport's Pickup zone when they Van decided to start playing it from the economy lot about half a mile away.
Perhaps it's The Van's way of honoring the aesthetic sensibilities and sonic enthusiasm of Mr. Sousa.
...I can't help but wonder if the purpose of an Epic Van Wizard is to control this sort of faerie-like malarkey, and channel these chaotic energies into things like Spell of Don't Break Down In Nevada or Enchantment Of Always Have Good Parking.
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So last Friday the 13th, I get a call from my friend and housemate, at said airport.
It's roughly 11PM at night, and I have already retired for the evening. I am in the exact minimum of clothing required to be a decent housemate and not scandalize the neighbors should I happen to walk by a window. My feet are up. There is a cat in my lap and fictional British people murdering each other in highly inventive fashion on the tv. -But my friend has returned from her friend's wedding,and either American or United Airlines has managed to lose her luggage, including, among other valuable possessions, the keys to her car. ...So she cannot just drive home as originally planned.
There are, as luck would have it, her spare set of keys not eight feet from me.
Being a good and decent person, I agree to bring the spare keys to her so she may get home before daybreak and not spend a semester's worth of tuition on an uber across the greater Denver traffic jam.
Being also that she Loves Activities, and it's her mom we're going to pick up, I elect to take along The Creature.
I am primarily focused on remembering how to get to the airport and not leaving my friend's spare keys on the counter, so I throw on a pair of flip-flops, step outside, remember that it's AUTUMN and my minimal evening attire is not sufficient thermal protection, step back in, grab the first coat in the closet I lay hands on, pull it on, check that I have her keys again and leave.
The trip to the airport is largely unremarkable, save that it becomes necessary for me to put on sunglasses to drive, despite it being nearly the witching hour and almost entirely darker than the inside of a cow.
It's necessary because this blissful darkness of night is violently punctured by a startling number of cars that seem to have installed miniaturized but no less powerful lighthouse bulbs in where their headlights ought to go so the oncoming traffic and sports cars that insist on tailgating me in the slow lane alike illuminate the road and my mirrors with the kind of radiance I'd normally associate with the arrival of a Seraphim.
I arrive at the distant highly discounted airport car lot where my housemate is waiting, deeply apologetic. It's nothing. I say. Once I see that your car starts up, I'm gonna go to that 7-11 across the way that I parked in front of, get a slurpee or something and I'll see you at home.
While she is retrieving her vehicle (an equally eccentric but much more stately Subaru that is old enough to be elected to congress) I rifle through the loose change in the glove box and discover that I have exactly $6.66 in small bills and coins. The Subaru, continuing it's long voyage into vehicular immortality, immediately starts up.
Upon her return, we all remember that my friend had all her camping gear in the backseat of the car and there is no room for The Creature to ride home with her parent, so I again assure her it's nothing, and will just take The Creature into the 7-11 with me. She is trained as a service animal and needs the practice after the plague.
I wave my friend off and turn to enter the 7-11.
I promptly trip over the jutting back bumper of The Van and fall, cartoonishly, face-first onto the sidewalk.
Fortunately, I have a lot of practice falling on my face, and have learned not to throw my hands out but instead cover my face, so my unexpected self-inflicted attempted curb-stomping lightly scrapes my hairline and nothing else -my sunglasses even stay in place- and I get up and resume my quest for a slurpee.
It's well known that the airport is a lawless place, and the 7-11 across from the discounted airport parking at the stroke of midnight is no exception.
I know it's the stroke of Midnight because there's one of those Audubon society bird-call clocks that makes bird noises, and my arrival is heralded by the twittering call of a Summer Tanager. I am almost charmed enough by the unusual choice of chronological device to excuse the exorbitant Airport-adjacent mark-up of Slurpee prices. I stand at the machine for some time, trying to decide on a size for the price and guess what the fuck "Blue Lighting Blast" is supposed to taste like.
The Creature is being Very Polite but is somewhat agitated, I assume because she *just* saw her mother for the first time in three days and then she LEFT with no explanation, so The Creature is on her hind legs, staring woefully into my eyes, asking to be escorted around the 7-11. Even though that's not what she's not supposed to be doing, there's nobody else in here, so I let her hang off my arm and discuss various Slurpee Flavor options with her.
We eventually decide on an experiment in which I try a Small Blue Lightning Blast, and discover it tastes a bit like licking a nintendo cartridge but in a pleasantly satisfying way.
I go up to pay and realize something is amiss.
The Cashier is a young man staring at me with wide eyes, one had over the register and the other wrapped up in his rosary.
I look down at myself.
In my haste to reunite my friend with her spare keys and service animal, I had left the house in the following accoutrements:
Flip Flops. Not matching. It's below freezing outside. That last part is not particularly odd footwear for the weather in for Colorado, but it's an important detail for the rest of the ensemble.
Assorted scrapes, bruises, cuts and welts on my arms and legs that come with doing outdoor work and living in a house with three dogs and a fully-clawed cat that all want to be in my lap all the time. It's cold out, so vasoconstriction has pulled the blood away from my skin, a trait that served my ancestors well during the last Ice Age, but leaves me with pale skin to contrast the various wounds and I look like a corpse that fell out of the back of a pickup truck.
The black Bootyshorts with "CRYPTID" painted in bright red gothic font across my ass, that @theshitpostcalligrapher gave me for my wedding present.
A peculiar but extremely comfortable garment that straddles the line between "Lacy Camisole" and "Industrial-Strength Sports Bra" like the Ever Given straddling the Suez Canal. It is also Bright Red. with black accents.
The Jacket I had grabbed out of the closet, which is in fact, a black Velour Dinner Jacket.
The Tokyo-Ghoul inspired reusable anti-covid mask a friend made me with the set of Coyote Teeth.
My sunglasses, which are shaped like a Halloween Bat. The lenses are the wings and the body is the nose bridge. It is ALSO bright red.
A Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle that I have been audibly affectionately calling "Dear Creature" who is hanging off my arm like she's my Prom Date.
The Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle is ALSO dressed up in a black Dog Sweater that has white bones printed on it to look like its an X-ray jacket showing off her skeleton.
I look like I am taking my Very Fancy Werewolf Girlfriend to a particularly casual Dinner Party for Vampires, but the thing that's really selling it and probably alarming the kid the most is the fun accessory I acquired in the parking lot not five minutes earlier:
The "Small Scrape At my Hairline" is actually a painless but PROFUSELY bleeding head wound that I had somehow entirely failed to notice covering my face, neck, decolletage and magnificent cleavage with blood like a Tarantino Film Extra.
This does explain why The Creature has been delicately trying to use her bodyweight to push me down onto the floor for the last ten minutes. So I don't injure myself while we wait for the paramedics she hoped this kid called to arrive, you see.
The Creature has such a High and Naive Opinion of humanity.
I decide this social situation is already fucked, and the only way out is through, and with haste, before I start dripping on the floor.
"Hi there!" I say cheerfully, to indicate this is a visually alarming but not terribly serious situation. "Just a Small Slurpee!"
The Cashier has entered the relevant code into the register before I finish the sentence. His gaze flicks off me just long enough to look at the total, and he grips his Rosary harder.
$6.66
"Oh cool! I have exact change!" I say, taking the money out of my as-yet-unsanguined pocket without looking and slap it down on the counter. "You have a good night and be safe out there!" I wave, leaving.
I get in The Van, mortified, buckle The Creature up, and as I make to leave, I have to put it in reverse, which automatically turns on the backup Camera.
It also turns on the music player.
I make eye contact with the cashier as the dulcet tones of John Phillip Sousa boom from the van hard enough to make the windshield and the windows of the 7-11 rattle for the nine-and-a-half seconds I have to wait to be able to turn the volume back down. Not knowing what else to to, I give him a thumbs up, and leave.
Anyway, now I know what my Future Van Wizard has got to be dressed like, and what their familiar is.
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inkskinned · 5 months
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it is the first snow today. i think we should all have off work, even though it didn't stick. i think there should be 4 national holidays, one for each season. happy first snow, go home and make cookies. for spring it can be the first crocus. for summer the first lightning bug. for autumn, the first golden leaf. go home, kiss your dog, feed your cat (who is absolutely already-fed but somehow still starving.)
i think we should all take more showers together, but i mean that in the soft way. i mean it like taking a nap. two years ago i had 5 adult friends in my queen bed, all of us laying across each other, head over belly over thigh over hand. any time one of us would giggle, it would ripple over each of us, like pulling on a spiderweb. kim actually needed to nap and didn't get to sleep and i am still sorry for it even though this is one of my most precious memories.
i think we should all wash each other's hair, i mean. i walk my dog and i watch someone put up twinkle lights around their front porch. alex and i just moved, and i love the neighborhood. already so many of our new neighbors have stopped by to say hello. the nice lady downstairs also collects plants, like me. she gave us her number on a pink post-it note. i am trying to decide whether to make her cookies or brownies.
i am going through a very hard time. something bad happened this weekend that i do not wish to discuss. it is hanging over me. i think of the green ribbon, and the woman who had her throat cut. it feels like that sometimes, inside of my body. like i am walking and talking despite being half-corpsed. like i am hanging on by a ribbon, standing on some kind of cusp. i keep saying - at least it wasn't worse. we are so lucky it wasn't worse. the idea is river-rock smooth now, all the edges worried off.
in this very dark night - the sun sets by 3 now - people don't need to, but they try anyway. they paint the missing light into things. i have an embarrassing number of missed calls and texts, but i feel the love from them nevertheless - hey. if you need something, i'm here. i will bring you food/puzzles/anything. i got you.
i think we should all have a big group chat where we do errands with strangers. this week i got lost in a home depot, which is wild because i'm a lesbian and we are actually hatched in a lowe's lumber section. there were two other women in the whole store. we ended up shopping together, at first by accident (we all needed things in the same aisle), and then because, well, why not. one of the ladies was taller than me, so she pulled down the screws i needed. i am agile and have the personality of a raccoon, so they sent me after anything below 3 feet. we talked about holiday plans and never learned each other's names, but did learn all the drama about each other's families.
i am making you cupcakes, because i have so much affection i want to pour it into batter. you ask me if i am eating enough per meal. i wrap your gift twice, trying to do it prettily. i get excited to give it to you, just because i hope you'll be excited too.
my parents drive an hour just to see the new apartment and to do the parent thing; standing in the kitchen saying things like "oh you'll get so much use from this dishwasher" and "well, you could paint that" and "when your mother and i moved it was uphill both ways and in a snowstorm and of course your brother was an infant." my mother brought me a plant for housewarming. i always say i love you before she leaves.
i play dnd on tuesdays still, after all these years. we all keep that night free. at one point, between grad school and marriage and all of it, we had to have a serious discussion about how to keep it running. we will keep going, we decided eventually. just to see each other, even if we don't play - you are all important to me. sebastian is not prone to affection but last night he stole my usual sign off - i love you all, be good, he said. he was laughing.
i don't love the winter, actually. i like snow in theory, but i grew up in the north, and am too-familiar with the season of "mud and sludge". i don't like being cold. but i do love something kind of soft and rare: every year around this time, people remember oh yes. you and i are human together. and i have love to spare.
it is the first snow, and something in my heart is finally warm again. i have spent what felt like the last 18 months just going-through-the-motions. it has felt blank and immediate, like i would never actually feel again. that sounds extremely trite and stupid - but that is the boring and familiar experience of depression. life just washes up against your windows, and you watch it happening. you see things that should be lovely and affecting, and it just whispers too-thin. i was desperately uncreative. uninterested in my hobbies. unimpressed by my writing. i told my therapist, often, i don't know how to find hope again.
almost sheepishly, something strange and lovely is burning in my chest. i keep not-looking at it, worried it will scamper back into the shadows again. it is skittish and wild, but it is so warm i want to sink my hands into its fur and feel it breathing. i love-hate it: if it's real, it can hurt me when it leaves again. but i am icarus-born, sun-lover and poet: i can't help myself. despite my best intentions, i am falling in love with life again.
i am planning to make cookies for my friends. alex and i are going to go christmas tree shopping. we picked out matching dish towels last night, and they have little mushrooms on them.
i love you. it does come back. yes, even after a long time. even for you. i promise. keep trying. you will wake up and it will be a day you can smile about.
write me when you get there. we will take the day off of work, and i will wash your hair, and we will both be laughing.
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ccsainzleclerc5516 · 20 days
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Family Of Four
Pairing: Lando Norris x reader
Warnings: none
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Being a young mother of two small children, one of whom is 3 months and the other 4 years old, is something no one could have prepared you for. You knew from the beginning that it wasn't going to be easy since Lando couldn't always be there to help you with the two of them, but sometimes you thought you were gonna lose your mind.
Phoebe was 4 years old, the spitting image of her dad. She was a little lady with big brown curls and sassy attitude who always stole everyone's hearts with her personality. On the other hand, Kian was only 3 months old, usually a very calm little baby boy who was a perfect mix of both you and Lando.
This was one of those days when you wanted to jump out of your own skin. One of those days when you didn't know what to do first, who to take first, who to comfort first. Both kids were screaming crying, Phoebe because she was hungry, even though she refused to eat 20 minutes before when you asked her, and Kian because he had stomach cramps that were very painful.
While Phoebe was throwing a tantrum and rolling on the floor screaming, Kian was crying so hard that you almost cried too because you didn't know how to help him anymore. You were going crazy while waiting for Lando to come back from work duties.
Days like this didn't happen often, but when they did, you felt like you were failing as a mother. Deep down you knew it wasn't true, but you just couldn't understand how a pregnant Nara Smith manages to literally produce cereal for her children's breakfast, yet here you are, not even able to calm your two children by yourself.
"It's okay, it's okay baby boy, please stop crying" You despaired, talking softly, rubbing Kian's back and walking around the living room with him. "Phoebe, get up from the floor right now!"
"I'm hungry!"
"Can you just wait 5 more minutes until your brother stops crying? Can you please do that for me?"
"No, I want daddy!" She yelled which startled Kian and made him cry even more.
"Oh my God.." You were on the verge of a breakdown. "Shh, baby, it's okay..shh"
Thankfully, minutes after she screamed for her dad, Lando walked through the front door.
"Guys, what is going on here?" He asked taking off his jacket looking at the chaotic scene in front of him.
"Please, do something" Your voice trembled, the tears already formed in your eyes threatening to spill out.
"Baby, what's going on? Are you okay?" He approached you putting one hand on your cheek and the other on Kian's back.
"No" You shook your head. "I'm going to the bedroom to try to calm him down. Phoebe's hungry because she didn't wanna eat 20 minutes ago when I begged her to. Now she's screaming for no reason."
"I'll deal with her, don't worry, okay?" He said kissing your cheek before you left with Kian in your arms.
"Pheebs, get up, c'mon" Lando said gently pulling her up by her arm.
"Daddy" She cried with no tears.
"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" He asked lifting her up in his arms and brushing her hair from her sweat-sticky face.
"I'm hungry"
"Okay, but have you ever been hungry for more than 10 minutes before you got to eat?" He asked walking to the kitchen with her and sitting her down on the kitchen island. "Have you?"
"No.." She said quietly sniffling and looking down at her hands.
"Baby, look at me" Lando gently lifts her chin up with his finger "You're a big sister now, and big sisters don't act this way. If your brother is crying because he's in pain, you need to be patient. No one's gonna forget about you, but you need to help mommy, and you screaming while she's trying to calm him down is not helpful at all."
Phoebe stayed silent looking at Lando with sad puppy eyes before asking "Do you l-love baby brother more than me?"
Pheebs was daddy's girl from day one. She was his first one. His everything and more. She had him completely wrapped around her finger and he knew it, but he loved it.
Since he was away a lot, he couldn't spend as much time as he wanted with his kids so he was always very lenient with them. Especially with Pheebs because she was older. She always got what she wanted and Lando was always very happy to fulfill her every wish.
He could never say no to her. How could he say no when every time when Lando goes on a race, she calls him on a video call to say "I miss you daddy, you're going to win tomorrow because you're the best" It makes his heart melt every time.
"Baby, mommy and I love you and your brother equally. There's no way we love one more than the other, okay?" He said cupping her cheeks. "But you're always gonna be daddy's little girl, yeah? My tiny princess" He starts tickling her showering kisses all over her face making her giggle.
"Will my princess eat now so we can go get ready for bed?" He asked to which she quickly agreed nodding her head.
After dinner, Lando helped her brush her teeth, put on her pyjamas and put her to bed.
"I love you, daddy." She stretched out her arms for one more hug before Lando got up and left her room.
"I love you too, darling. Good night."
Once he was done with Phoebe, he went to see where you and Kian were.
"Y/n?" He said quietly entering your bedroom with dimmed lights. You were lying on the bed next to Kian who was finally asleep. "Are you sleeping?"
"No" You answered quietly as he sat down next the two of you.
"Baby, what's wrong?" He asked noticing that your eyes were red from crying. "Come here" Opening his arms, he pulls you to himself.
"I'm so tired, Lan" You sob quietly into his chest. It was all just too much for you. You didn't have any time for yourself. You were with two little kids 24/7 and you just felt like you were losing yourself. "I feel like I'm losing my mind. He's still having cramps and it hurts me to see him in pain. And I feel like I'm neglecting Phoebe like I'm not giving her enough attention since he came and-"
"Y/n, baby, stop. I don't wanna hear you being hard on yourself. They're kids, they have their good and bad days. It doesn't mean we're failing as parents if they're having a bad day. You're the best, most loving and caring mom ever, but you need a break. Let me please find someone to help you out with them when I'm not home."
"No, I can take care of my own kids when you're not home" You were being stubborn. You were refusing to get a nanny even though you knew you needed it when Lando was away because both your and Lando's parents were not living in Monaco so they couldn't be there when you needed them.
"I know you can, but I need you to be okay above everything else." He says leaving a kiss on your head that was still resting on his chest.
"I know, I'm sorry, it's been such a hard day and I missed you so much"
"Shh, I've got you, baby."
Later that night, when both kids were fast asleep, Lando and you finally had some time for yourselves. Both of you were in the living room on the couch in front of the TV. You were half asleep with your head in Lando's lap as he played with your hair and watched some TV show.
He smiled softly when he noticed you fell asleep. He didn't want to disturb you, but he wanted to cuddle you so he pulled you up closer to him. You laid your head against his chest as he wrapped his arms around you leaving a gentle kiss on your forehead whispering how much he loves you and how much he's proud of you.
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joyful-soul-collector · 9 months
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I've seen a lot of people talking about how Barbie talks about how the patriarchy affects women and how well it does that, so I wanna talk about how Barbie talks about how the patriarchy affects men and how well it does that. Because it does that really well tbh.
At the beginning of the movie, it's made very clear that the Kens are constantly competing with each other, and trying to prove their worth, their Ken-ness, to both the Barbies, and more importantly, to the other Kens. In fact, multiple times through the movie it's shown that Ken seems to find the opinions of other Kens as a motivator for him to do things. He tries to show off to Barbie only after he sees the other Kens saying hi to her. He only starts dancing with Barbie when he sees the other Kens dancing with her. He only goes with her to the Real World after another Ken accuses him of cowardice and he decides to prove him wrong. Barbie says "Ken's not cool!" and Ken responds "He is to me."
This shows so damn well what the patriarchy is like for men. Because for the Kens it's not necessarily about Barbie, it's about what other Kens think of you. Being a man you are constantly, incessantly trying so damn hard to prove to the other men around you that you are a man, the manliest man to ever man, the best Ken to ever Ken. Literally doing backflips trying to prove yourself. And this is before patriarchy is even officially introduced to the story, there's no undertone of power yet, this is just what it's like to be a man around other men. It's toxic masculinity.
And when the patriarchy is introduced, that's increased tenfold. At first it looks like they've banded together to take power, but really they're still competing with each other, they're just doing it differently. Rather than competing to see who can get Barbie to fall in love with them, they're competing to see who can be the manliest, have the manliest stuff, wear the manliest clothes, have the manliest house and decorations.
And then they literally go to war. War is considered one of the few places where it's socially accepted for men to be more emotional, form deep and personal bonds with other men, and that's exactly what happens in the movie. They go to war, and there's an entire song where they bond and learn not to fight with each other anymore.
And that I think is the message from the Kens. For men, the way the patriarchy affects them is it forces constant competition and animosity, even around people that are supposed to be your friends. It makes it impossible to express your feelings unless they're with a romantic partner, and all of this turns you into a pent up ball of emotions with nowhere to go.
Which means that the message is: In order to fix the way the patriarchy oppresses men, men need to learn how to form close bonds with people, especially other men. Because like Barbie said to Ken, he needs to discover who he is without her. Men have learned to lean on women as a crutch, using them to figure out how to Be A Person and express emotions in a healthy way, but this can very quickly turn into a woman feeling like she needs too be his mother and teach him how to do these things. And Ken was 100% doing this, or at least he was trying to throughout the movie. Ken was so desperate for Barbie to be in love with him, not necessarily because he loved her, but because he needed a person he could just exist as himself around. Because he couldn't do that with the other Kens, the only person he could be himself around was Barbie.
And what's so great about the end of the movie is that the Kens did eventually figure out how to form close bonds with each other! They went to war, argued and fought, but by the end of the song they were holding hands, kissing each other on the cheek, telling each other they were enough. Even when Ken is up in the dreamhouse, crying and saying that he looks stupid, all the other Kens start shouting back up to him, saying that he looks cool. And Ken responds by giving one of his new friends his coat, which was clearly very important to him.
What the Kens did, that's what men in the real world need to do. They need to form close bonds with other men and stop competing with each other. Hopefully not by going to war the way the Kens did, Barbie isn't a blueprint for solving the patriarchy lol.
I'd be happy to do it through a song though.
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yamujiburo · 3 months
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You said you like sharing Team Rocket facts, sooo, what are some of your favourite facts that you don't get to share often or think not many people know? :D
Yam's Top 10 Team Rocket Fun Facts!
Jessie and James are both 25 years old
Jessie and James are NOT siblings (you'd be surprised how many people think they are). They have almost polar opposite backstories from each other.
James grew up rich but ran away from home at a young age because of all the pressure as well as his arranged marriage with Jessebelle (who looks exactly like Jessie funnily enough)
Jessie's mother, referred to as Miyamoto, was also a Team Rocket operative who worked directly under Giovanni's mother Madame Boss. However Miyamoto went MIA while on a mission looking for Mew and never came back, leaving Jessie to grow up in foster care
Jessie and James in English are named after the outlaw Jesse James which most people seem to know about. Buuut in Japanese, they're called Musashi and Kojiro, named after the famous swordsmen Miyamoto Musashi and Sasaki Kojiro. Musashi kills Kojiro so do with that what you will. Sub fun fact: Musashi and Kojiro's duel is referenced in Sun and Moon with Jessie battling Ash and using the sun to temporarily blind him and Pikachu before striking.
The Team Rocket trio are based off of the Time Skeletons from Time Bokan, who are probably the earliest version of the very specific trope "san-aku" (literally translated to three evil). The trope usually depicts one female leader and two bumbling men, one short and one tall. They also regularly build mechs/robots and beef with kids. In Sun in Moon, they DIRECTLY reference the Time Skeletons!
When the Johto series came to an end a decision had to be made on whether Misty or Team Rocket would leave the series. Head writer Takeshi Shudo fought really hard to keep Team Rocket (I think it's safe to say that they were his favorite characters). Seeing how Team Rocket stayed in the series till the very end, I think it's obvious to see what the end result of that decision was
The reason Jessie, in later seasons of Pokémon doesn't smack around James and Meowth as much/at all is because her voice actress, Megumi Hayashibara personally requested that the writers make her less violent. She felt it went against the "good natured villain" concept Takeshi Shudo originally had for them. On Hayashibara, Jessie's "failed nurse" backstory is based on Hayashibara's experience in trying to become a nurse.
James' love for sports and racing is often depicted in the show and is a reference to his VA, Shinichiro Miki's, love for cars and racing.
The reason Team Rocket crossdresses is literally just because the artists thought James looked better in a dress than Jessie did and ran with it
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loriache · 20 days
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Butch up that Elf: my Marcille manifesto
TBQH, this came into being because the Falin "dragoness" fanart rewired my brain completely. It's sillytimes, but we're going to make a serious argument: trying out being a little butch would Fix Her.
1. Marcille Gender Discomfort
Now, Marcille LOVES feminity. She loves playing dressup, she loves elaborate gowns, she spends her free time going to the spa - the absolute last thing I want is to deny that. However, there's also a definite vibe that this isn't just a preference. Specifically, the way that she pushes Falin towards femininity suggests that she isn't comfortable with gender nonconformity in the people around her.
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If this was something she was 100% confident about ("I'm doing this for myself and nobody else!") surely what other people do wouldn't be a big deal? Of course, you can read this as a little bit of solipsism; "what works for me must work for you too! I think this is so cute and would suit you - wouldn't you agree?"
But for the sake of this argument, all I'm trying to suggest is that gender nonconformity (and probably sexual nonconformity... well, frankly, any kind of sexuality at all) is unlikely to be something that's on Marcille's "radar". She hasn't tried out other ways of presenting and decided she doesn't like them. I do think she'd be a very flamboyant butch - "ouji lolita" vibes, you know? It's a whole new set of wardrobe options she could play dress-up in, even.
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After the story ends, she starts dressing like her mother in all black, which makes sense - her mother was also a court magician, so she's probably emulating her in order to project confidence and authority. But I can't say I think she should stick with this. Break away and be your own person, Marcille! Try a fancy waistcoat and frilled jacket!
2. Haircut
This is another potential hard sell, I'm sure. The people she loves doing her hair is a cute symbol of their care for her, and her hair is key to her magic - so there's plenty of reason for her to keep it long. But like... think practically. Having someone do your hair every morning, for the whole of her long life, while it gets messier over the day (because she can't remember to keep it neat)... That's got to be such a pain. My hair gets messy when I put a hoodie on. And I have short hair.
It would require her to go through a change of mind, and probably a little more growth in how secure she feels in her relationships, but - the hairdo's a symbol. The more important thing is the relationships themselves. Eventually I think there might be something liberating about cutting it off, even if she might eventually decide to grow it out again.
The lion, her trauma, took something away from her which was really important to her. The people around her are able to make that easier, and make up for it, and soften that loss, but... Mithrun isn't the person he was before, you know? He's a new person. The relationship he has with his brother is new, and I don't know if it's one that the person he was before could have had. If Falin hadn't died, they wouldn't have gone on that wonderful adventure! They wouldn't have met Senshi or saved Izutsumi and Laios and Marcille wouldn't have gotten so close. So I think it's totally congruent with the themes of the story that the burning away of this part of Marcille's self might eventually create the potential for new growth in a new direction, not clinging onto the parts that are gone.
This also isn't totally out of the norm for elven mages - both Otta and Flamela have short hair. Otta is canonically butch, and potentially Flamela reads that way to elves too, but the point is it clearly is possible to be an accomplished mage without long hair.
3. Desiring (to be) a chivalrous prince
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Marcille's succubus is clearly General Halleus from her favourite book series, the Daltian Clan. The fact that this is her ideal man.... it certainly plays into readings of her as Not Straight. But at least, this conveys the way her conception of sex and romance is strongly idealised, dissociated from the bodily and from physical desire.
There are many ways to interpret that, including thinking about what types of desire this fixation is obstructing because she is not comfortable with it, but I am going to focus here on what this desire does signify. She likes the trappings of courtly romance, and is clearly comfortable putting herself in the role of the princess, being taken away on a white horse by a noble (but tormented; eyepatch has "death" on it lmao) prince. (Though I think he's actually the token male lead who isn't royalty; he's a General. There's always one in Romfan, lmao. IYKYK)
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A kiss on the hand - this is so chaste, I think it's clear it's more about desire to play a role in a dynamic than it is about desire in a physical sense. There is undoubtedly a big part of Marcille that wants to be a beloved and chased-after princess, but I think it isn't at all impossible that she'd also enjoy being the powerful, cool, and chivalrous "prince" to someone (a pretty girl, perhaps) who needs her protection.
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This is a little silly, because it's clearly just aping the shoujo artstyle that articulates basically the same idea as her succubus, that Marcille is attached to highly abstracted and idealised romantic (and Romantic) tropes and ideas. But the imaginary "successful" Marcille from chapter 4 looks quite similar to her succubus. (Another thing I noticed is that in the fantasy she has sharp ears... like full elves have. Despite what she says, I think the cultural messaging that this trait is "attractive" and hers are inferior got to her at least a bit. 😥)
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Also, the way that she treats Falin, scolding her indulgently, trying to look after her and wanting to be looked up to and respected by her... that aligns more with the "masculine" role in the trope that her succubus is referencing. "What are we going to do with you...?" I can imagine her saying this to Falin, word for word. Whereas, if anyone real started talking down to her, even affectionately, I don't think she'd like it, given the negative way she reacts when people don't respect her or her skills. Especially after canon, given the way the Winged Lion was treating her.
Her attitude to Falin is partially down to her reluctance to acknowledge Falin as an adult, who is independent and can grow beyond her and leave her behind. But I think even as they move on from that unhealthy dynamic, Marcille is still going to get pleasure from feeling capable, reliable, able to look after and protect Falin. She'd like to pull the chair out for her in a restaurant on a date, you know?
4. Conclusion
Even after the growth she goes through during the story, there are parts of Marcille's character that are very much obstructed. Romance, sexuality, and gender, feel like one of those to me. The way that her discomfort with the messy origins of food betrayed a deeper, more significant discomfort with the cycles of life and death.
Much in the same way, I'd argue that the simplified, idealistic, and safely fantastical way that she views romance, as well as her very "safe" gender presentation and tendency to push it onto others as well, suggest an underlying discomfort in her own gender and sexuality. The character growth she goes through leaves her in a place where it may be possible to safely re-evaluate her relationship with Falin, as well as her choice of clothing and hairstyle, both things that go through a change at the end of the manga. Neither, I think, reach a sustainable stopping point that we see - there will be a point when it's more servants doing her hair than friends, just out of practicality, because they're all going to be so, so busy. The black clothing to copy her mum is cute, but once she gets some more self-confidence in her own skills as a court magician, I think she'll move on from it. And... who knows what direction her relationship with Falin will develop, over the years? I'm rooting for them, anyway.
In all those cases, I think moving outside of the things she's done before, into something really different from the things that are "safe" and expected, will be the most rewarding path for her. Like in the dungeon, things that she would initially reject were actually able to sustain her and broaden her tastes. She loves dressing up, looking after people, and "princely romance". So I say: Butch Marcille! It'll be good for her!!
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zeldasnotes · 4 months
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𝔩𝔦𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰 ☠️
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• Lilith sextile MC makes someone an expert at using whoredom, slutness and rumors to their benefit while people with the square or opposition seem to suffer bc of it. Like dont even try to leak a private picture of a Lilith Sextile MC person bc they will probably just put it as their profile pic or something.
• Cancer Lilith/Lilith 4th house ppl can be fascinated with the ”family matriarch” position. A common theme there is that they were mistreated by a dominant motherfigure and then they grew up to become like that themselves.
• Venus aspecting Lilith especially the hard aspects can make someone compared to their partners ex or they might be the ex people compare with the new girl.
• @punksocks mentioned in her post how Lilith in Sagittarius might make someone attracted to someone from a religious background thats considered taboo to them. And Ive seen this so much. I know a muslim man from Albania and every woman hes been attracted to was a christian from Serbia. His whole life his parents have been talking shit about Serbia and what happened in the war they fled from. He ended up converting to christianity and married a serbian woman.
Lilith trine/sextile/conjunct Mercury seems to give a brilliant mind.
• Lilith can shows something you learned the power of and also the darkness off early in life:
Lilith in Libra learned early the power of beauty & charm. The power of being liked. But also the darkness of relationships and hidden undercurrents between people.
Lilith in Scorpio learned about sex early and how important it is to never be in a situation where you are powerless.
Lilith in Cancer learned the power of women early. Usually there was a mother or stepmother who ruled the family with an iron fist & were the spider in a huge web of family drama.
Lilith in Aries learned the power of making others afraid of you early. They learned early what can happen if people see you as a pussy.
Lilith in Virgo & Pisces learned the power of innocence early. Being a wolf in sheep clothing. Being seen as ”pure” & good.
• I remember seeing the video where Blueface tells Jaidyn ”get her!” to get Jaidyn to fight someone for him (extremely unattractive of both of them but anyways) and It reminded me of Lilith conjunct Mars synastry. I looked up their charts and ofc Blueface Lilith conjunct Jaidyns Mars. Because I had this synastry with a guy I knew when I was like 13 and I remember telling him those exact words when a guy bothered me bc I knew he would get him lolll. I call this synastry aspect ”the bodyguard placement”.
• Blueface is such a Leo Lilith. His need to be the lion king and to be praised is strong as we can see on his reality show. ”In the series, a group of women were invited to live in Blueface's home for a month and attempt to compete for his affection. ”
• The ”The girl he told you not to worry about” sitaution just screams Lilith Synastry. And im not saying that men like the woman he talks shit on. Liking is NOT the same as obsession and desire. Its just that some ppl talk shit about the person they couldnt get while being with their 2nd option. And Adam couldnt be with Lilith because she refused to lay under him so he was with Eve. This is why people very often have Lilith synastry with ”the person they told you not to worry about”.
• A mans Lilith conjunct a womans Venus or Moon is a synastry aspect Ive seen in like 99% of cases where the man is married and the woman is like a thousand years younger than him. And most times the whole relationship revolved around how forbidden it was.
• Lilith in Gemini/3rd house are some scary mf when it comes to turning others against someone. Not saying ppl with this placement will do that but IF they do they know what to say. My sister have this placement and there are still people who refuse to talk to me after the beef we had in 2018 bc she told them the freakiest stuff about me.
• Lilith 3rd house kids might say stuff that the adults dont like. Might listen to conversations between adults when they are supposed to be asleep. Calling people out or asking uncomfortable questions.
• If you have Lilith in the 1st or 10th house in the Fama Persona Chart you might be the ”neighbourhood hoe”. Or known to be rebellious & bitchy.
• Lilith 2nd house makes someone constantly look for worth either in others or in themselves. ”Worth” is a huge theme here. They might add to their partners worth in the eyes of society by having more money than them, being more beautiful, famous etc or they will be the one looking for a partner with these things who will give them more ”worth” which is why this placement is so common in a lot of golddiggers, trophywifes, sugardaddies, sugarbabies, escorts etc.
• People with Lilith in the 9th house or Lilith in Sagittarius seem to often either have a look that fits the standard of another cultural background than their own or desire the look of another background. Ive seen this in the chart of people who have been doing asian fishing, black fishing, cultural appropriation. (And no not everyone with this placement ofc. Im just saying in the charts of ppl who were called out for doing these things I saw this placement pop up a lot.)
• Lilith 11th house people seem to always find eachother. Same with people with Lilith in the 1st house.
• Lilith Square Pluto might act out of character when they are not in control. They might force things to go their way and could be scared of situations where they dont have the upper hand.
• Lilith 1st house might like to shock people with their style or behaviour. For example Marilyn Manson.
• Lilith aspecting Sun tends to create an extremely strong personality and willpower.
• Lilith 11th house synastry can create issues with eachothers friends. Everytime I had this with a guy it was always one of his friends strongly disliking me and trying to get him to not be with me or vice versa.
• Lilith 10th house synastry can lead to a lot of powerstruggles. One of them might have a bad influence on the others reputation or be jealous/fascinated by the others public image.
© 2023 Zeldas Notes
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srjlvr · 4 months
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[ LET’S GET MARRIED ! ] — lhs <3
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PAIRING. lee heeseung!student X femreader!student !
SYN. the uni is giving away free dorms! under one condition, in order to save your desperate broke ass student’s life, you’d have to get married. and who’d be the lucky person to marry you if not your childhood friend? no feelings involved of course!…..right?
GENRE. he fell first but she fell harder, basically being in denial for feelings at first, childhood friends to a married couple, fluff fluff fluff !
WARNINGS. mentions of getting married(obv), rest of enha and lesserafim’s yunjin & chaewon are in it too, mentions on having kids(no, there will be no kids here its nothing serious!!), mentions of food, being broke because of uni student life. (pls do lmk if i missed something!) || NOT PROOFREAD AND VERY POORLY WRITTEN!!
WORD-COUNT. 5.1k+ (damn!)
NOTE. this is me being extremely sorry for not continuing my heeseung smau by releasing a heeseung oneshot yay!! i actually got the inspiration from HAPPINESS (one of my fav kdramas!) please leave some feedbacks!! i really wanna know what you thought about it<3
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when you were younger, you’ve made a wishing list to you in the future, as soon as you turn an adult.
three important wishes were ;
first, never go broke while being a uni student.
second, never get married before the age of 25.
third, never ever fall in love with your best friend since childhood, aka lee heeseung.
first one is already being a huge failure. younger you would be definitely disappointed in uni student you, not that you care that much, but being a broke student sucks.
“my parents are literally about to kick me out, i get that, i’m a 22 years old uni student who’s still living up their asses, they probably want some peaceful and quiet life” you smacked your head over the lunch table, both of your friends looking at you concerned.
“maybe it’s time for you to pay for the dor-“
“never! yunjin, tell her how broke i am”
“she has like 1 dollar in her bank account, she’s still taking loans from her parents” yunjin nodded and you rolled your eyes.
“you didn’t have to go that far”
“oh i did”
“oh i know! what if you just start working?” chaewon raised her voice a bit.
“i have no time!”
“excuses excuses blah blah blah” she mocked you.
“look at heeseung for example, he works in a part time job at the convenience store right next to uni” yunjin pointed out.
you searched through the lunch hall and found the one person you’ve been looking for, lee heeseung.
you’ve been stuck to him ever since childhood, with your mothers being the biggest best friends you’ve ever seen, it was pretty hard to not see him every day in your young days.
both of your mothers even got pregnant at the same time, and gave birth around the same time, you’re two days younger than him.
your photo album is full with pictures of you and him, and so are the hanged photos on your house wall.
your mother and his mother were your biggest shippers, forcing you both to hug each other and even wear matching clothes.
your elementary school memories are filled with heeseung next to you and the whole class shipping you two.
highschool days weren’t better either, guys who wanted to try a move on you were always so scared of heeseung, they were so sure you and him are dating, with the amount of glares they got from him it was really hard to think otherwise.
your highschool crushes rejected you, always giving the excuse of not wanting to be in a relationship, hiding the fact that heeseung warned them that if they’ll say yes he’ll make sure they never see a daylight again.
he was joking, really. he’s not the violent type, and he couldn’t really explain why was he feeling so jealous whenever he saw you confessing to a guy who isn’t him.
heeseung got used to watching you from afar and protecting you, and you got used to search him everywhere you go even in crowded places and having his company ever since childhood.
“hee!” you called and waved at him, he waved at you back with a smile on his face.
“i swear if i didn’t know both of you were childhood friends i would’ve think you’re a married couple or something” chaewon rolled her eyes and you scoffed.
heeseung continued his way to his usual table with his friends.
“thinking about ways to confess your love to her?” jake smirked and heeseung shook away his thoughts.
“hm? who?” he asked.
“it’s obvious who! don’t play dumb come on!” sunghoon playfully pushed the older one.
“we’re talking about Y/N! everyone in uni are talking about you, even those who know nothing about the two of you” jay remarked.
“there’s nothing between us, we’re just friends” heeseung shrugged.
“and i’m queen elizabeth” sunoo tsked.
heeseung rolled his eyes and began to eat, “you know, even if i did have a crush on her, why would she even accept my confession?”
“ohhhh~” his friends teased.
“it’s kind of obvious she likes you, we’ve watched her ever since we became friends with you, and the way she looks at you is just different” jungwon shrugged and ni-ki nodded.
“she’s always searching you in a crowded room, as if you’re her guardian angel and she only needs you in her life in order for it to be perfect” ni-ki then stole a few bites of heeseung’s meal.
“hey! not cool” heeseung scoffed and ni-ki giggled.
“it’s not bad to have a crush on your childhood friend, you know?” jake smiled, “sometimes all you need is a miracle” jay added.
“hey, let’s go on a work search for yo-“
“no no no yunjin not you too!!” you sobbed, “i have no time to work and i need to search for the cheapest dorm, a one i can actually afford as soon as possible”
“why don’t you just go and ask heeseung for help” chaewon shrugged.
“it’s not that easy, i don’t want him to worry about it too much, he works hard for his money too” you pout and they nodded.
“by the way! how’s the money for the uni dorms is going?” jake asked heeseung who was busy fighting with ni-ki over his food.
“i’m just a few shifts away from getting enough money, i’ll ask y/n to become my roommate as soon as— what?” he noticed his friends looking at him.
“y/n and you? being roommates?” sunoo teased.
“hey, me and y/n spent all our childhood together, my house is her house and her house is mine, it has been like that for a while” heeseung sighed and they all nodded hesitatly.
“still, you said y/n’s parents told you about her not being able to pay for the uni dorms, are you really willing to pay it all?” jungwon asked.
heeseung shrugged and took a bite from his food again, “it’s either that or she’ll get kicked out by her parents”
“you really are her guardian angel” ni-ki whispered.
“good morning! you have afternoon classes today right?” your mother woke you up with a smile smeared all over her face.
“mhhm” you hummed, still trying to adjust the bright sunlight that hit your face.
“i need you to bring some medicine for ms lee! she’s been sick and i bought her some things” your mother helped you to get up and shoved you a bag, “here”
“can you please just let me get—“
“you can get ready at theirs! quickly quickly go!” she pushed you outside of your house. damn, she really does hope you’d get out as soon as possible.
she was right though, heeseung’s house is your house, and your house is his. you have a few clothes and even a toothbrush at his house and he has the same at yours, getting ready there was never a problem to you.
a walk to their house is even less than 5 minutes so you weren’t worried about someone from your neighborhood getting a jumpscare and thinking you’re some kind of a zombie.
you took out the keys and opened the door, heeseung was sitting in the kitchen and eating his breakfast.
“don’t ask, been a rough morning, where’s mom by the way?” you asked him and he pointed at her room. you got used to call his mom your mom too.
you saw her sleeping so you left the bag and the medicine next to her, leaving a note saying good morning and instructions of how to take the medicine, as if she doesn’t know all of that.
“you have afternoon classes too?” you asked heeseung while getting ready. he was in his room, lying on his bed while playing some games on his phone.
“not really, i don’t have any class today” he chuckled.
“since when don’t you have any classes today?”
“ever since i decided that im too tired to go to uni”
you rolled your eyes and threw one of the pillows at him, “don’t be stupid! get up and get ready to go!”
he giggled and shook his head, “i’m joking, i took evening classes for today”
you pressed your lips together and nodded, you don’t know why but hearing him giggling always made your heart skip a beat, but you don’t have any feelings for him, like, at all. right?
afternoon classes started and before you knew it, it was already lunch time.
“y/n! you won’t believe it!!” chaewon shout.
“what is it?” you shout at her back even though you were sitting right in front of her.
“i found you a solution! you can get a free dorm!” she shout back.
“what!” you shout.
“can you stop shouting! for god’s sake you’re literally a 1 cm away from each other” yunjin, who was covering her ears yelled.
you and chaewon shared an eye contact and froze. yunjin is so scary when she’s angry.
“continue please” she coughed and let chaewon continue what she had to say.
“it might seem crazy what i’m about to say,” chaewon sighed, “the uni is giving away free dorms—“
“no way omg omg omg please tell me i’m dreaming this is not happening right now right this is not real righ—“
“under one condition!” she cut you off and took her phone out of her pocket to read the terms.
“in order to get a free dorm, you have to have at least one option applied ;
one, you’re younger than 18. two, you’ve been scoring A+ on ALL of your exams and three, you’re between the ages 18-25 and got married, or engaged” she finished reading and turned off her phone.
“but chaewon, i’m not younger than eighteen” you complained and rest your head on your arm who was lying on the table.
“nor scoring A+ on ALL of your exams” yunjin added.
“thanks yunjin, i needed that”
“always here to help”
“then you know what’s left” chaewon smirked and you sat up, looking at her with innocent eyes.
“no” you let out.
“oh yes”
“i have no one to marry to” you argued.
“yes you do!” yunjin replied.
“i do not!”
chaewon and yunjin raised a brow and crossed their arms, “you don’t?”
as heeseung entered the uni entrance, you ran towards his direction and stopped in front of him.
“y/n why are you still here—“
“let’s get married” you said it out loud in front of everyone who was around.
your surroundings suddenly became quiet and everyone was staring at you two, starting to whisper and waiting for heeseung’s answer.
instead of answering he grabbed your wrist and dragged you out of the entrance into a place in the garden next to the uni.
the walk there was making you so nervous and anxious, what if you were a bit too much? asking your childhood friend to marry you just to get a free dorm? are you that desperate?
when he finally stopped, he let go of your wrist and cupped your cheeks, looking straight into your eyes.
“what did you say?” he asked, his eyes looking for any sign or answer from you.
“i said, let’s get married”
heeseung could’ve swore his heart skipped a beat because he for real felt like he died at that spot.
“let me explain!” you said before he could respond.
“the uni are giving out free dorms to anyone who’s between the ages of 18-25 and is married or engaged” you sighed.
heeseung let go of his hold and sighed, looking down and closing his eyes.
you really didn’t mean that genuinely, did you? something in him really hoped you did.
“hee?” you asked, biting your lower lips, suddenly feeling more anxious than before
“sure, let’s get married” he chuckled.
you broke your second main wish on your list.
heeseung was just a few shifts away from getting enough money to get the both of you a place to live in, he could have told you that too, but he chose not to.
only crazy people would agree to this idea, you were so desperate that you actually just asked him to marry you, and he guessed he was one of those crazy people, because he had no idea why he said yes.
he had other way, without marrying you, but something about the idea of marrying you made him feel excited.
“i knew it i knew it! only crazy people would agr— wait what” you blinked a few times after you realized his answer.
“i said sure, let’s get married” he smiled softly and you were about to faint.
“no feelings are involved….right?” you hesitantly asked him, hoping he wouldn’t agree with you.
instead, he nodded slowly and hesitantly, “no feelings involved”
you regretted that sentence so bad because the day after, when he kneeled on one knee and held a ring out for you in front of everyone and proposed to you, your couldn’t lie to yourself anymore, you actually broke your third wish on your list a few years ago, you were in love with lee heeseung for years.
“y/l/n y/n, i have loved you ever since i can remember, i watched you grow up and grew up with you as well, i got used to being with you 24/7, i can’t see the rest of my life without you in it, will you make me the happiest man alive and agree to marry me?”
even though it was an act(according to you), it felt so real to the point where you cried and sobbed so badly, while putting on the ring he bought for you less than 24 hours ago.
it wasnt planned. the proposal wasn’t planned at all.
the plan was that you and heeseung will go to the uni secretariat and request an application for the free dorm since both of you are engaged now.
heeseung had no reason to put on this whole show and show everyone that you’re now engaged. you have no idea why he did it, and instead of getting angry at him, you fell in love with him even more.
it felt wrong, it felt not right.
but you didn’t care, you always knew your feelings for heeseung were somewhere deep inside your heart. you tried to push them away all the time, because there was no way your childhood friend, the popular boy in your highschool, the kid who grew up with you, had feelings for you.
you tried to deny your feelings but now you realized thrre was no use anymore, so you let yourself love him as much as you can.
it wasn’t the desperation that lead you to ask him to marry you, because then you’d ask literally any other guy, it was your pure love to him, to the guy who was always there for you when you needed him.
“heeseung! explain what was that!” his six other friends gathered in a circle, surrounding him and not letting him go.
“what was wha���“
“you and y/n? married?” jungwon shout.
“have you gone crazy?” jake added.
“and she said yes! something is not right” jay joined.
“yesterday you told us you have no feelings for her!” sunoo remarked.
“you didn’t even believe us when we told you she’s obviously in love with you” sunghoon tsked.
“something isn’t sitting right to me” ni-ki gasped.
“explain now!” they all said at the same time.
“calm down!” heeseung coughed, “i’ll explain to you everything later”
by later he meant after classes, at his house, together with you and your friends yunjin and chaewon.
“yunjin, chaewon” heeseung nodded at your friends.
“lee heeseung” they glared at him.
“come on! both of you knew about it even before” you pleaded.
“doesn’t change the fact that he’ll be stealing you from us now” they rolled their eyes.
“i’m still so confused” ni-ki tried to quicken everyone and get to the point.
“me and y/n are getting married—“
“yeah no shit sherlock” sunghoon cute him off and heeseung glared at him.
“anyway, y/n would you like the explain why?” he turned to you and smiled.
“the uni is giving away free dorms to married couples between 18-25 so—“
“you decided to get married to get a free dorm” jay finished your sentence.
“have you gone mad? heeseung worked his ass to get enough money to get the dorms for the bo— mhhhhmmm!!!” sunoo roamed but jake covered his mouth before he could continue.
“sunoo!!” jake coughed and turned to you with a smile, “don’t mind him he’s been stressed from work and uni lately”
the rest of you giggled awkwardly and tried to ease the atmosphere.
after you yunjin and chaewon left, the boys stayed with heeseung, looking at him with concern.
“what?” heeseung looked at them back with his bambi eyes.
“i don’t know hee, it feels like….she’s kind of using you” sunghoon spoke, jay slapped his arm and he whined.
“he’s right though, marrying you only to get a dorm is quite crazy” jungwon nodded.
“he’s even crazier for actually agreeing to all of this” ni-ki said and jake shushed him.
“ni-ki is right, i am crazy, i have no idea why i said yes but she wasn’t forcing anything on me” heeseung shrugged, “besides, i’ve liked her for so many years so—“
“ah ha!! we knew it!” they all said at the same time and heeseung sighed. what have he got himself into?
after everyone left, heeseung texted you, asking you to meet him in your usual spot.
you got ready and for the first time, you took a while to do so.
you stared at yourself in the mirror a few times and even checked different outfits. this has never happened to you ever before, especially not when you knew that you’re going to see heeseung.
heeseung saw you at your worst, why are you dressing up for him now then?
“i must be crazy, crazy crazy!” you shook away your thoughts and got out to meet your soon-to-be-husband.
“hee!” you saw his back facing you and as soon as he turned around you froze.
did he dress up for you too? why does he look so breathtaking suddenly? his bambi eyes match the rest of his beautiful features on his face so much, you’ve seen this man grow up, you know every detail about his face and you couldn’t explain why it was so sudden that you got caught by surprise because of his beauties.
shaking away your thoughts, you walked closer to him and smiled.
“hey hubby” you grinned.
“hubby?” he asked.
“a new nickname for my soon-to-be-husband” you chuckled and he nodded.
“i actually thought about something,” he turned to you, “our parents will figure it out sooner or later, should we tell them the truth or—“
“no, let them believe we’re getting married without any reason other than being in love”
you have no idea why you just said that. but you hid your face as soon as you realized what just came out of your mouth.
heeseung felt too flattered and suddenly didn’t know what to say. you keep on making him speechless.
“ahem,” he cleared his throat, “you do know that they’ll probably rush out things and even take the wedding plan to their own hands“
i don’t care, i’d like to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you as soon as i can. is what you wanted to say, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so.
“y/n?” he asked. he noticed you were too deep in thoughts and waited for you to come back to sense.
“i’m aware” you nodded, “i’ve also got a text from the uni, we’ll be getting our dorm in the next week, so we should start preparing”
heeseung nodded and looked at you. you were suddenly feeling so nervous and shy to share an eye contact with him, so you broke it as he just kept staring at you and taking in your beauty.
“hey y/n” he said, “hm?”
“i don’t mind marrying you and spending the rest of my life being married to you”
you looked over him and he had the genuinest smile you’ve ever seen.
it felt like the world had froze, and the snow that was falling suddenly stopped, it felt like it was just the two of you in this whole world.
“YOU’RE GETTING WHAT?” your mother yelled.
you and heeseung planned a dinner with both of your parents, to announce the big news.
things became quite awkward between the two of you, ever since your last encounter with him you could barely face him.
his sudden confession freaked you out and the only thing that came out of your mouth was “oh, okay” in the most dry way ever.
you wanted to tell him you feel the same, you wanted to tell him that you’ve been in love with him ever since forever. but one moment that caught you off guard ruined your chance.
you were stupid, stupid and idiot. heeseung probably thinks you hate his guts now.
heeseung in the meantime felt like he was breaking apart slowly. oh, okay?? that’s all you had to answer?
he felt dumb, he felt hopeless. the confession was completely out of the blue and unplanned, your beauty hypnotized him and he was so mesmerized by you that the words just came out of his mouth naturally.
what if you hate his guts now? what if he made you uncomfortable? what if you’ll regret it the last minute because you weren’t feeling the same about him?
all of those questions were eating him alive, and you didn’t help either. each time he came up to you, you were suddenly in rush and told him you have to go, it was breaking him inside slowly.
the dinner was one chance to finally talk with you again.
“married, mom. we’re getting married” you repeat what you already said a few seconds ago.
“when? where? how?” heeseung’s mother asked.
heeseung looked at you and smiled warmly, “it just happened, we’ve been together ever since childhood, it already felt like being in a relationship for so long, so we decided to marry each other” he chuckled and held your hand tightly, “to belong to each other until the day we die”
your parents looked at the both of you. you were sharing eye contact for so long, with heeseung smiling at you, looking deep into your eyes, and with you looking at him with nothing but pure love in your eyes that was making everyone in the room feel so jealous of you two.
“now kiss!” your mother said.
you and heeseung broke the eye contact and blinked a few times.
“what?” you asked.
“kiss then! i want to picture it and keep it in my photo gallery forever!” his mother added.
you were about to speak up until heeseung held your cheek to turn you to face him and it was only a matter of seconds until you felt his lips on yours.
it was your first kiss ever, your first time kissing someone, and it was his as well, but he lead you on so good that it made it look less awkward.
you were his first kiss. you, his childhood friend, stole his first kiss.
“we knew that it’ll happen one day!!” your mothers cheered, “we even have a whole wedding plan ready!!”
you and heeseung broke the kiss and shared an eye contact again.
you didn’t need to hear him say to know how much love he holds for you, and how he cherishes you so much.
and your eyes told him everything, they held the answers to all of the questions that bothered him. you love him as much as he loves you.
“i can’t believe you’re getting married, my little angels” your parents cried altogether which made heeseung let go of his hold on you and grab some tissues to wipe their tears.
“i love that ring by the way! heeseung you did a great job” your mother gave him thumbs up and he chuckled.
if only she knew that it was a ring he bought you in less than 24 hours and even rushed your friends to come with him and help him pick it only because he wanted his whole life to properly propose you.
it was a moving day already and your parents helped you pack every last thing, they even cried through the way, how could their princess leave them so fast?
“you can visit our house anytime!” you tried to comfort them.
“we’ll update you before that, we don’t want to catch you while doing the thing you know” your mother winked and you rolled your eyes, “mom!”
“i see you’re all packed and ready” heeseung came in to check on you.
“she is! take her away already!” your mother complained.
“not before you take this with you!” she went away for a few seconds and came back with a huge wrapped photo frame.
“don’t open it yet!! only when you get into your new house and get everything in place!!” she excitedly hugged the both of you and you nodded.
moving in was quite rough, you had a lot of boxes to unpack and organized, and you and heeseung never felt more awkward after the first kiss you shared.
you’ve barely spoke with each other and your friends were starting to get concerned.
“he told me he doesn’t mind marrying me and spending the rest of his life with me” you pout.
yunjin and chaewon shout and giggled, “girl! he’s more than in love with you!! he’s lovesick!!” they both said.
“what did you answer then?” yunjin asked.
“i told him okay” you smacked your head on the table.
“no way” chaewon gasped.
“yes way” you whined.
“you’re stupid!!” they both smacked you.
“then!!” you shout, “we had our first kiss on dinner in front of our parents” you whispered that part.
“what did you say? couldn’t hear you” chaewon said.
“oh she said that they shared their first kiss on dinner with their— YOU HAD YOUR FIRST KISS WITH HEESEUNG??” yunjin’s eyes widened.
“what happened after that?” chaewon asked curiously.
“we just finished dinner, and now we barely even talk” you sighed, “each time i see him i’m just blushing and running away, i can’t face him!”
“you have to!! you’re moving in soon!!” yunjin argued and chaewon nodded.
“it’ll be the death of me” you sobbed and they chuckled.
you were right at first, but slowly and surely heeseung made a joke and both of you got back to normal in no time, as if nothing happened between you two.
you even helped him organizing his closet and his room, and he did the same.
after a long day you and heeseung finally laid down on your now shared sofa.
“it’s been a rough day” you sighed.
“should we order something?” he suggested and you nodded immediately. you ended up ordering your favorite food.
“let’s open up the picture!!” you said and grabbed the picture your mom gave you earlier today.
you and heeseung both unwrapped it together and revealed an old picture of you and heeseung hugging each other with a huge smile on your faces.
“look at us then and look at us now” he giggled.
both of you hanged the picture right above your sofa and kept staring at it for a while.
“hey hee,” you spoke, “yeah?”
“i wouldn’t mind marrying you and spending the rest of my days with you too” you turned to him, “until the day i die”
“is that your way of telling me you love me too?” heeseung froze for a second. you caught him off guard for the countless time already.
although he understood very clearly your feelings after you shared your first kiss, hearing your words made his heart beat fast.
it was a confirmation for him that all of his feelings for you were actually mutual all this time.
instead of answering his questions you grabbed his shirt and kissed him.
he put his hands around your waist and pushed you closer to him, holding you tightly as if he’s too scared to let you go.
breaking off the kiss was hard, but the lack of oxygen was kicking in, you pressed your foreheads together, still with your eyes closed.
“does that answer your question?” you giggled and you felt him smiling.
“i don’t think so, i need a bit more of it to feel certain” he teased and you tsked.
“i don’t need to be in a relationship with you to feel certain about my feelings and my willingness to marry you, i want to spend my life with you, i love you” you said and pecked his lips.
“i love you too, y/n” he pecked your lips again and it suddenly got into a fight between you two about who pecks the other more, until it ended up in a long, deep kiss.
“so let me get this straight. you and heeseung had been in denial for many many years and manipulated yourself into thinking that you don’t like each other at all at all, then when y/n’s desperate and broke ass heard of a chance to get a free dorm by getting married, she went up to you, heeseung, and asked her to marry you, you agreed to the proposal because at one point you stopped lying to yourself and realized you’re actually lovesick, and the rest is history” ni-ki finally breathed out after almost rapping this whole story.
“by history i mean y/n waking up from her denial and realizing her feelings to you” he added.
“yes, exactly” heeseung nodded and you chuckled.
you were sitting together with your friends on one table, yunjin and chaewon who were already aware of the story added a few notes here and there as ni-ki summarized your whole story.
“this is a story to tell your children” jay smiled and the rest nodded.
“we’re not planning to get pregnant anytime soon, we didn’t even have a wedding yet” you sighed.
“you never know y/n, you never know!” sunoo slowly nodded.
“why did you say that as if you went through something familiar” jungwon teased.
“you never know y/n, you never know!” sunghoon mocked sunoo.
“that was a good one!” jake laughed with him.
“children, literal children who found themselves in uni somehow” you sighed.
“at this point we won’t even need to have any children when we have them” heeseung agreed with you.
“it doesn’t matter, as long as i’m with you” you smiled and pecked his lips.
“get a room you two will you!”
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boysborntodie · 4 months
Text
Details from The Outsiders you may have forgotten or missed
-Cherry doesn't appear after the hearing (her not waving Ponyboy is just a movie thing)
-Ponyboy fucking hates people with green eyes so bad and gets pissed when someone points out he also has green eyes
-Steve always combs his hair into complicated swirls
-The Greasers always play football together
-Soda is one of the only Greasers who never gets drunk
-He also doesn't smoke unless something is bothering him or he wants to look tuff
-Darry, on the other hand, never smokes because it would affect his perfect body which he is very proud of
-Darry is also proud of being smart and sensible
-Ponyboy is the heaviest smoker out of the Curtis family
-Johnny started smoking at 9 and Steve at 11
-Johnny would've run away from Tulsa if it weren't for the gang
-Soda gives killer massages
-Ponyboy's razor wasn't working while he had to dissect a frog so he just took out his knife
-Darry goes skiing with some of his old friends sometimes
-Cherry and Marcia barrel race often and are pretty good at it
-Soda used to ride in rodeos but after breaking a ligament, his dad made him quit
-Sometimes Soda and Steve let Ponyboy help them fix the cars at the DX
-Johnny is the most law-abiding of the gang, and didn't even carry a knife until the Socs jumped him
-Cherry has an older brother
-Ponyboy used to have a yeller cur dog
-Johnny's scar his from his temple to his cheekbone (it's huge and also hard to look at)
-Two-Bit is great at doing impressions
-Two-Bit often raises one eyebrow, and the gang associate the gesture with him
-Dally and the Curtis mother got along well before she died
-Ponyboy is a scarily good liar
-Ponyboy notes that while he sees Johnny as a scared puppy, he actually looks rather hardened and cold to a stranger
-Johnny's skin is lighter under his bangs
-When at the church, Johnny puts his jean jacket over Ponyboy while he went out to get groceries
-Steve, Dally and Two-Bit wouldn't have thought of buying soap at a grocery store
-Ponyboy calls himself a Pepsi addict
-Dally hardly ever cuts his hair
-Johnny loves drag races
-The Curtis Dad took the brothers out hunting often in the country
-Ponyboy has the best aim but hates shooting
-Dally heard of the old church from a cousin
-Ponyboy is the youngest person on the track team but still one of the fastest
-Darry was the closest to their dad
-Steve once called Darry 'all brawn ans no brains' which made Darry made because it reminded him of the fact he didn't go to college
-Darry will suddenly pick up a random Greasers and swings them around
-The Curtis Dad used to call Soda 'Pepsi-Cola'
-The Shepard gang and the Curtis gang have fought seriously on at least on occasion (but it's nothing compared to the rumble)
-The Curtis brothers stayed at the hospital all night for Johnny and Dally until a doctor forced them to leave
-Johnny has a clean police record
-Ponyboy chews his fingernails when nervous
-Johnny often sleeps at Two-Bit's house
-The Curtis brothers all have huge appetites
-Darry always checks Ponyboy's Math homework for mistakes
-Johnny looks like his mother; having the same black hair, dark eyes and tiny built/height
-Soda did actually try really hard to stay in school but he kept failing
-Darry and Ponyboy both enjoyed school and athletics while Soda isn't into either
-The only thing Dally did honestly was jockeying
-Johnny really good at poker (or Ponyboy is really bad)
-The only time Johnny has been confident and not scared in his life, was when rescuing the kids in the church
-Johnny actually gets hurt because he pushed Ponyboy out first of the church
-Sodapop loves attention and was good with the reporters
-Sodapop has a crazy sweet tooth
-The Curtis brothers all love chocolate
-Darry never locks the front door in case one of the gang need a place to stay
-Ponyboy once found Tim Shepard sitting on their couch reading the newspaper
-Ponyboy thinks that Two-Bit wouldn't have gone inside the church if he was there
-Two Bit wished that the one hurt was anybody but Johnny and that the gang would have still been able to get along had it been anyone else
-Darry once took an aerobatics course and taught all the Greasers everything he knew
-Soda and Two-Bit were doing aerobatics and then got arrested for disturbing the peace
-The Curtis gang are noted to be better at fighting than the Shepard gang
-Tim Shepard looked like a model from the magazines Ponyboy reads
-Ponyboy notes that sweat ran down Dally's face when Johnny died, but it was probably tears
-Cherry drives a Sting Ray
-Curly once slipped off a telephone poll and broke his arm
-Johny's a good listener and all the members of the gang often go to tell him about their day or their problems
-Johnny says in his letter that the lives of kids were worth more than his
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ellecdc · 2 months
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Mother, i had a request but i forgot what it was 😭😭 i was sooo excited tooo 😫
But in trying to remember i had another brilliant idea!!
Reader x Reggie where theyre both stoic, slightly volatile 🐍 but theyre actually really soft and mushy. And then SURPRISE!! Theyre actually also dating Remus who takes care of them and is super protective. Maybe its revealed near the full moon and possessive Moony makes an appearance.
Siri is flabberghasted; Barty is horrified his darling sweethearts are be defiled; James is shook; and Lily is yhe ultimate bro and super proud of Rem.
Anyway, im sorry your computer was so mean to you. I hope you're looking after yourself 🩵🩵
......this is going to go down in history as my most controversial post........😈 may I present to you.....poly!MoonWater 😈😈😈😈😈
poly!moonwater x fem stoic!reader (i.e., Remus Lupin x Regulus Black x reader)
Sirius Black was admittedly currently going through a hard time.
Now, depending on who you asked, one (literally everyone and anyone) might say it was his own fault.
But if you asked Sirius Black? It was everyone else and their insufferable happiness that was to blame.
His insufferable best-friend-that-anyone-could-ever-ask-for finally landed the woman of his dreams and said woman of previously mentioned best friend was horribly in love with the sod.
Even his baby brother was happy! Which seemed like an oxymoron because in looking at Regulus Arcturus Black, one would assume that boy had never known a single moment of happiness in his life.
If one took into account their childhoods, they’d be right.
But Regulus Black, who was quiet in a way that made you feel like you were always being judged and ridiculed (you were) who very rarely had a kind thing to say about anyone had found happiness (read: a girl) who, for all intents and purposes, could be his personality doppelganger.
One difference, however, was that you were quiet in a way that always had one feeling like you knew too much, saw too much, and you were far too perceptive for anyone’s good. You always seemed to be analyzing the people around you and Sirius, sue him, found that incredibly disconcerting. 
He did not wish to be known, thank you very much. 
And even Moony! Moony, the bastard, was seeing someone! Fucked if Sirius knew who though because the sod wouldn't tell anyone who they were. He just kept popping back to the dorm room covered in hickies and looking far too pleased with himself whilst offering no details.
He was even spending entire nights away from the dorm, and always made sure he had the sodding map with him so they couldn’t even see where he was.
So yeah, Sirius was pissed.
And before you ask – no, it’s not because he was lonely – in fact, he had frequent visitors in his bed thank you very much.  And NO, he didn’t want to discuss the fact that perhaps if he didn’t run at the first sign of commitment or emotional intimacy, he too would have happiness. 
Perhaps he just wanted everyone else to be slightly less happy for his own sake.
Did no one ever think about Sirius Black?
Give right now for example. He and Regulus had been...hanging out (if that’s what you could call the two of them sitting together not speaking as they each did their own homework) since Sirius insisted it was important to do so, especially since Sirius no longer lived at home meaning that their usual means of brotherly bonding (read: trauma) no longer took place. 
And then James showed up (he was so lucky Sirius loved him) who was but of course accompanied by Lily Evans (she was so lucky she’s as lovely as she is) which turned into a small James Potter roast on account of Regulus and Lily both having years’ worth of material from hating him up until recently, and Sirius had loads of material on account of him being a certified hater. 
And then Moony showed up, and if Sirius didn’t know any better, he had definitely been fooling around mere moments ago.
But Sirius did know better.
“Moony, what broom closet did you just crawl out of and where’s the poor soul that was stuck in there with you?” He spat.
Remus merely chuckled and pulled a book out of his bag, making himself comfortable in one of the library’s grandfather chairs. “No one was stuck anywhere with me.”
“No, I’m sure they were a very willing participant.” Regulus drawled, looking particularly bored for all intents and purposes, never bothering to lift his gaze from his book.
“No need to be jealous, baby Black. You’re more than welcome to join me in such broom closets.” Remus joked with a wink.
“Oi!” Sirius swatted at Remus on behalf of his brother (he’s welcome). “That’s my baby brother you’re talking about, and he’s taken thank you very much.”
“Merlin knows how,” James muttered none too quietly, “it’s not like he’s very approachable.”
Regulus lifted a lazy eyebrow as he looked at James from above the pages of his book. “I’ll have you know I’m very approachable to those I wish to be approached by.”
“Hi Reggie!” 
“Get fucked.” Regulus called back to Barty Crouch Junior, hardly sparing his best friend a glance as he approached him from behind. 
“Wow, Reggie’s in a good mood today, huh?” Barty said as he sat on one arm of Regulus’ chair, causing James to laugh until he realized that Barty wasn’t joking.
Suddenly another body showed up and gently sat on the other arm of Regulus’ chair.
Sirius watched as Regulus’ impassive face completely cleared of all contempt and he looked up at you with pure and unadulterated adoration.
It made Sirius sick. 
“Bonjour, mon cheri.” He murmured softly, in complete contrast to the harsh, militarized way he had previously been spitting at everyone else. 
You smiled gently at the boy as you pulled a notebook out of your book bag and produced a small, pressed flower, handing it to Regulus between your thumb and forefinger.
Regulus looked at it like you had just presented him with a hundred-year-old bottle of fire-whiskey.
“Did you pick this for me?” He asked gently, plucking the flower from your fingers with matching delicacy.
You offered him a quiet ‘mhm’ and Sirius noticed a shy smile grace your lips. Regulus’ eyes moved from the flower to your face, and he gazed at you like you had hung the moon.
“Merci, mon amour.” He said reverently and pressed a kiss to your cheek.
Lily looked at the two of you with a smile one might see on the face of a proud mother, James looked at the two of you like he was seeing a bowtruckle for the first time, and Remus looked oddly taken with the show of affection. Barty was apparently the only other sane one amongst them – oh gods, maybe Sirius really was losing it.
“Where the fuck has this Regulus been the last six years?” Barty muttered incredulously. 
Without much effort on your part, you reached over Regulus’ shoulder and shoved Barty off the arm of the chair and onto the floor before sliding to sit directly in Regulus’ lap.
“You...alright, Crouch?” James called tentatively from his place on the other side of the couple. 
“Oh, I’m fine. That’s just how she shows her love.” Barty said as he bounced back up, completely unperturbed. 
“Is it now?” Sirius asked, tone dripping with sarcasm. Remus swatted Sirius’ leg with his book.
“What?” Sirius squawked.
“Be nice.” He chided.
“I am nice! And why do you care?” Sirius argued, though he never got an answer. 
“I think they’re cute.” Lily announced, sending a sly smirk towards Remus.
“See? Lily gets it.” Remus said with a shrug as he went back to his book.
Sirius hated every single one of them.
But if Sirius thought that had been rough, he had no idea what was in store for him today. 
Sirius, Remus, Peter, James and... Lily had all been sitting at the Gryffindor table during dinner when Sirius noticed you rushing into the Great Hall looking rather frazzled.
“Whoa, what’s going on with Y/N?” Peter asked, apparently having noticed you at the same time as Sirius.
The conversation stopped abruptly as Remus’ head snapped towards the entrance, seemingly on high alert upon hearing of your arrival.
Sirius watched as you scanned the Hall before your eyes fell on their group. Your face crumpled in misery, and you rushed over. You were usually so polished and poised, any and all emotions locked away behind a well-fitted mask, no wonder you and Regulus got along so well.
Regulus...something must have happened to Regulus. Sirius had a dreadful feeling settle in the pit of his stomach; what could have happened to make you rush up to him looking that alarmed?
Except...you breezed right past him.
“What’s wrong, lovebug?” Remus cooed quietly, causing Sirius to choke on his own spit.
“He was hurt during practice.” You cried quietly, voice no more than a whisper as you moved to step between Remus’ spread legs where he had rotated on the bench to face you. His hands landed on the back of your thighs were his thumbs rubbed soothing circles into your tight clad legs.
“Okay. How hurt?” Remus asked just as quietly, ignoring the sputtering happening from James, the chuckling from Lily, and the horrified expression painting Sirius’ face.
“Dislocated shoulder.” You cried miserably, as if you’d just been told Regulus was damned to spend the rest of his life in a vegetative state.
Remus’s mouth looked like it was fighting really hard to smile as his eyes pooled with equal parts fondness, worry (for you or Regulus, Sirius wasn’t sure at this moment), and no shortage of love.
What the fuck was going on right now!? 
“What the fuck is going on right now!?” Sirius demanded, his outside voice echoing the one inside of his head.
You startled a little at his exclamation, leaning closer into Remus who increased his embrace around you. 
“What’s happening dear padfoot, is it appears your brother has been injured during quidditch practice. Perhaps you ought to go see how he is?” Remus taunted as he continued running soothing hands over your body.
“Yeah, yeah; the sky is blue, and people get hurt in quidditch. Now what is this!?” He screeched gesturing wildly at the two of you. 
You looked equal parts embarrassed from the attention and equal parts wanting to tell Sirius off for downplaying what you clearly thought was some great upheaval in Regulus’ life when Lily spoke up.
“I’m surprised it took you this long to notice, Pads.”
His mouth dropped open as he turned to regard his best friend’s girlfriend with a look of pure betrayal.
“Et tu, Lily!?” Sirius cried as James sputtered, “you knew!?”
Remus just smiled as he shoved his nose into your collarbone. You brought up a hand to begin scratching at his scalp, and Sirius was certain the sods leg would be thumping in contentment if he were a dog.
“Let’s go, Sirius.” Remus finally muttered, interrupting an argument that was going nowhere between James, Lily, and Sirius. “You’ve got a brother in the hospital wing.”
You hurried on ahead of them, clearly not interested in the talk the two friends were about to have.
“So, are you fucking my brother too or just fucking him over by screwing his girl?” Sirius finally spat with his arms crossed petulantly over his chest. 
Remus groaned and looked up at the ceiling, as if praying for strength to get through this conversation with Sirius Drama Queen Black. “Sirius, can you ask me a question that’s less likely to get me punched in the face?”
“No.” Sirius muttered. 
“He’s happy, Sirius. I promise.” Remus pressed. “He...he really deserves all the love he’s getting.”
And Sirius would have been an absolute arse if he’d had anything to say in response to that...
Don’t get him wrong, Sirius was an arse and did have many things to say in response to that, but the words died on the tip of his tongue when they walked into the hospital wing to see you sitting on the end of Regulus’ hospital bed.
Regulus, save the sling holding his arm to his chest and the fact that he was sitting in a hospital bed, looked as casual as Sirius ever remembered seeing him, smiling at you with...
Love.
A lot of love. 
“I’m fine, amour, I promise.” They heard him plead with you as they approached.
“Still have all your limbs, I see.” Remus commented as he walked over and pressed a gentle kiss to Regulus’ hair, causing the youngest Black to blush something fierce as he looked over at Sirius. 
“I’m sure she told you I was comatose.” He commented quietly, turning and offering you a wink.
“Don’t tease me...” You moaned, looking very much like you still wanted to fold Regulus up and put him in your pocket for safe keeping.
“Yeah, don’t tease her, love. You’d be sitting in this hospital bed all on your lonesome with no one you dote on you otherwise.” Remus jokingly chided. 
“Love.” Sirius groaned with a dramatized gag. 
“Oh, grow up, Siri.” Regulus barked.
Sirius’ head snapped over to his brother at the sound of his childhood nickname. Regulus’ cheeks were still dusted pink, whether it be at the unplanned outing of his relationship, being hurt, or the gravity of this moment.
Regulus hadn’t called him that since they were children...like, real children before the trauma, the alienation, the disinheritance, the running away...
Perhaps because Regulus had spent all of that time living in unmeasurable pain. Just like Sirius had.
And maybe, now...Regulus had people who made him feel brave enough to be vulnerable like this, to reconnect in ways he long thought impossible. 
Fuck Moony and his good naturedness; Sirius hated that Remus was right about this. 
“Oh, fucking Godric.” Sirius muttered petulantly as he pulled Regulus into a bone crushing hug.
Literally.
“Sirius!” Regulus groaned before Sirius was ripped away from his brother. Sirius expected Remus to be the one throwing him to the floor for inadvertently hurting Regulus’ injury...but it was you. 
“You idiot.” You hissed as new tears formed in your eyes, immediately moving to grab the ice pack from the bedside table and gently placing it on Regulus’ shoulder.
Remus and Regulus looked at you with so much adoration, Sirius was certain hearts were going to start pouring out of their eyes and floating around their heads.
“I’m fine, thanks!” He called out as he hauled himself up off the floor. 
“Oh good.” You said sarcastically.
“I don’t like this.” Sirius grumbled, causing all three faces to turn to him.
“Pads...”
“Sirius, please.” Regulus implored.  
“What if you break his heart?” He asked no one in particular. “What if you hurt my baby brother? Who am I supposed to support then? Or you; what am I supposed to do if you hurt my best friend? And what if you tossers hurt Y/N!”
The three of you shared a look before his brother turned to him. “Sirius, if we breakup, I give you permission to side with Remus.”
“And if we break up, I promise you can side with Y/N.” Remus added.
“Nope.” You said quickly, “that’s fine, I don’t need to be included in this.”
Sirius groaned out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank gods. Okay, okay. I guess I'll allow it then....”
“THE THREE OF YOU ARE WHAT!?” Barty screeched as he stood at the door of the infirmary, still in his quidditch kit.
“Do we actually have to have this conversation again?” You groaned quietly.
Remus shot Regulus and extremely guilty look as he slowly stood.
“Remus.” Regulus warned.
Remus grimaced and slowly made his way over to you.
“Remus John Lupin, I swear to Salazar...”
“Regulus, I love you; I do. But...he’s you’re friend an- NOW DOVE” He shouted, and the two of you took off in a sprint out of the infirmary. 
“Quite the catch you’ve got yourself there Regs.” Sirius taunted. 
“Sod off.” Regulus muttered as Barty made his way over to his bedside.
“Don’t mind if I do.” Sirius jeered as he, too, took off out of the infirmary, leaving Regulus Black to deal with the likes of Barty Crouch Junior on his own.  
don't hate me
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