#she's absolutely right. so. there's that. thank god i have one lesbian person irl who i can talk to about this shit

[pomfiores]

the nice thing about living at work being offline for chunks at a time is the people u used to really dislike seeing on the dash (by no one's fault, promise), it doesn't really bother you anymore when you see them pop up as recs or smth. like. neat. lol. it's nice! it's comforting. i feel like I've def moved on from things, its liberating.

#◟ ⋆ㅤㅤif my hair's a mess﹐my mind's a mess.ㅤ( ooc ) #to delete * #still on brainrot about this crush or whatever it is #decided to be upfront with her lol donnnnt have the highest hopes but #as someone who likes transparency and directness -- i feel its right. #and if not! im 100% ok with it too like its not my first time #i am v clumsy w this tho bc i don't usually tell people lol if im even Remotely interested. so. #she's branching out for'shore. #also confided in my brow girl who's also a lesbian and she was like 'girl ask her. that'd make it clear like whenever ur in the area' #she's absolutely right. so. there's that. thank god i have one lesbian person irl who i can talk to about this shit #she wanted to have me do gay clubs that she knows of. women only. sounds fun! but. nah. work keeps me :') #she's a teacher :') a professor technically. i feel so stupid LFKASJFA #i dont think im dumb! by any stretch! but. the fact she teaches (art) and is tech a teacher im like god akjfsha #how do i talk wtf akjfsa i can sound Smart totally oh def (help)

[etoilebinaire]

okay here's one for your DA OCs and the canonical LIs dfkgjsg how about Taylor + Alistair, Evanna + Isabela, aaaand Rasha + Sera?

Sierra!!! Thank you for the ask ❤ It was so much fun to think about and I wrote more about my own considerations while playing rather than from their character perspective maybe but still it was a lot of fun!! It got long so I'll put it under a readmore sdjdsj

Taylor + Alistair Okay so when I first played DAO the friend who recommended it to me was obsessed with Alistair so I was like 80% sure Id romance him on her recommendation. But then Leliana barged in and I was like wow pretty girl so then I was sure Id romance her. But then Zevran happened. Listen. He swept Taylor off her feet as much as he swept me. Taylor probably would fit just as good if not better with someone else but,, how can I resist.

SO specifically Alistair: I think Taylor was subconsciously still very wary of humans. The timing wasn’t the best, with a human man ruining her entire familys life just before a human man ripped her away from said family and putting her in a position with the mostly human grey wardens. Yes Alistair is half elven and very kind and they became friends instantly and that’s why Taylor didn’t have a nervous breakdown at Ostagar, but trauma is trauma and I don’t think Taylor could help not fully opening up to Alistair at first, even if she didn’t realize it. And I also think Taylor doesn’t consider herself an option for affection? No actually, that’s not true, she does know that she’s lovable etc but it doesn’t immediately occur to her that she’s lovable in the romantic sense. She also worked hard as a teen to not be considered an option. Someone having a crush or potential interest is so foreign to her, someone would have to be very blunt about it for it to click.

Instead, she and Alistair in my canon are very very close but more in the best friend sibling-y sense.

However, while it isn’t in my canon, I do think Taylor and Alistair could have been adorable together. Their personalities complement each other pretty well and they’d be even more grossly mushy if they were together romantically. It would definitely also change my outcome of DAO; Alistair would have absolutely not become king, and Kieran would have two moms and a dad. Thank you.

Evanna + Isabela Again, truly an option I considered in DA2. Lets go over my considerations real quick. The same friend that loved Alistair a lot also loved Fenris a lot, so instead of being sure Id romance him (like I thought with Alistair), now I was sure I wasn’t going to. Idk why. I love Fenris truly. My personal fav candidate was Anders cause I love him and that’s Taylors son, you know. But he was so annoying in da2 god bles he reminded me of one of my irl friends so much and me and my irl friend have a very good gay-bi alliance going on so that’s what I did with Evanna and Anders but then in reverse. It doesn’t have to make sense it makes sense in my head, and so Evanna was officially a lesbian. Merrill is absolutely endearing and the best and I think she understands more than anyone how Evanna struggles with relating to people.

That being said, Isabela and Evanna would be amazing together, but would also wreck Kirkwall even more than it already is wrecked. They would be unstoppable. They are the true mean bi and meaner lesbian couple that is met with awe anywhere they go. However, Evanna would not push Isabela to not be afraid of being loved anymore. Evanna isn’t that socially gifted and she wouldn’t say the right things at the right time and I just don’t think that would be right for a romantic relationship with Isabela. Evanna cares about Isabela, obviously, but I don’t think she’s got enough empathy to understand what she’s going through.

Rasha + Sera Ok so for Rasha, her being a vashoth already limited some options. The same friend who really likes Alistair and Fenris obviously also likes Cullen (Im joking. But she does.) and I wouldn’t consider him an option for Rasha even if she was an option for him. I knew in advance but was really sad that Cass wasn’t an option. Rash was being friendly galpalls (read: flirting) with Josie when the chargers mission happened and then Rasha could be a bit nicer to Bull and the rest is history. For Sera.. I don’t think she and Rasha would really match? Rasha likes and even trusts Sera (which is a huge deal for her) but I don’t think she trusts her enough to let her pull her out of her shell. Like, Rasha takes things very seriously in the inquisition and goes along with the pranks etc. cause Sera is right and things shouldn’t be serious all the time, but Rasha is very good at compartmentalizing that. I also think that Sera would get too nervous about Rasha being as paranoid as she is. Although I do agree they’d be very cute together, I don’t think they’d match.

#thank you sierra!!! 🧡 #im slowly replaying dao so I Have Thoughts about Taylor sjjdss #I really need to replay da2 and dai but idk if thats going to happen soon. so maybe the answers will change a bit after another playthrough #my character tags are all SO empty. I never talk about my girls :( but memes like these are very good to start and think about them!! #so thank you again ^^ #Taylor Tabris #Evanna Hawke #Rasha Adaar

[witchmd13]

Heyy, you finished hill house! I really wanna hear your overall thoughs about it but especially: who where your favorite characters? and what was your reaction to the twists of the bend neck lady and the Abigail one? How many times did you cry? Also i am curious about your rank of all the Mike Flanagan shows now that you've watche it all.

oh, hi, anon! Good to hear from you :D

I’m sorry in advance for how long this is because these past few weeks Mike Flanagan has and still is been playing with my brain like it’s his own personal play doh and I need to rant (tm).

I’m just. My god. I still can’t process the fact that I finished all three shows. Mike Flanagan is probably my favorite director/creator at the moment. I’m tracking all his other works that are not on Netflix as well. I’m dying to watch doctor sleep, especially that Stephen King himself praised it as a sequel to the shinning.

I’ve already said this, but the way both hauntings and midnight mass reconciled me with the concept of death is probably better than anything any therapist would’ve done for me. It’s not about having answers anymore, it’s about how they changed the way I think about it and process it. I can’t express the wonders this did for my anxiety and how it changed how I see some of my past trauma now. It’s the most calm I’ve felt about it inside my own head in years. For that I’ll be eternally grateful.

Listen I would literally die for any of the Crain kids in a second, but my favorites has got to be the twins, Nellie and Luke <3 my babies deserved so much better. I was going to break my laptop when I thought Luke died. (Also I’m such a simp for adult Theodora oh my god one glare from her would probably knock me dead where I’m standing and I would thank her for it. Just HER. SHE. MY ABSOLUTE LESBIAN QUEEN).

The neck bent lady is the most terrifying thing I’ve seen in my life lmao even though I knew where every jump scare was going to happen I still died every time she came on screen. I literally paused the end of Nellie’s episode just staring at the screen trying to get over what I just saw. It happened so fast and I’m still speechless about it. Never would’ve seen it coming in a million years. Just the idea of Nellie being haunted by her own destiny for all her life, just like what happened to Dani. Damn your brilliance Mike Flanagan. The Abigail one took me forever to just digest? Everything was happening all together at the time and I literally kept thinking she was a ghost until she drank the poison and died? And then I was like oh not the strangest thing happening right now but what

I cry at everything irl so ofc I cried every episode and at every emotional moment. I have a big family (we’re 4 siblings plus my parents) and I’m really close to my them, so the show hit home for me. I know what’s like to love people like that, even when they hurt you and you hurt them back, even when you had just had the worst fight of your life, you still call them to see if they’re okay or need something, and you’d do anything to keep them safe even when you want to kill them yourself. This show gets it exactly right.

If I had to rank flangans’s works from my most to slightly less favorite, it would be: midnight mass > haunting of bly manor > haunting of hill house (although by a very small margin).

Thank you for asking my opinion btw. I’m curious to know your thoughts as well? Who was your favorite characters in each show? and what is your favorite Flanagan show of all and why?

#midnight mass #the haunting of bly manor #the haunting of hill house #ask #mike Flanagan #anon

[khaotungsfirst]

ali‘s embarrassing celebrity crushes throughout the years

thank you to @fengqing for wanting me to expose myself, i hope y’all don’t judge me too much 🥴i had to go through my archive to remember most of these cause as fast as these crushes hit me sometimes, some of them went away just as quickly.

tagging: @schnaf @manhasetardis @morifinwes @xiaodaozhang​ @huigusu​ @yibocrisis​

ok here we go, putting it under a read more cause this got long

MEN (since 2006)

tom kaulitz nothing more attractive to 10 year-old me than this 15 year-old with dreadlocks and pants that hit the floor askdjhgkjfdg

joseph gordon-levitt i..... can’t even explain this?? lmao.. i mean inception was and is my favourite movie but not because of him so like??

niall horan niall girls unite!! i was a niall girl until i got into larry and then that was all i cared about for a long time ksadjgkdf but i still love him!

dan howell he was funny and british, that’s it

dylan o’brien listen every teen wolf fan was mainly there for him, don’t even lie about it

seb stan holy shit i was crushing on him so hard after the winter soldier came out. he was the epitome of perfection to me! this was a big one for me but it went downhill once he started growing out his hair afgkjdfgjkd retrospectively i’m not sure if i was only thirsting after him because everyone else on my dash was doing it (also does anyone remember political animals??)

dane dehaan oh god..... listen, it’s all the fault of the amazing spiderman 2! also his look is so versatile like in some photos he looks really nice and in others..... 😬yikes lmao skdjgfdk idk man

loïc nottet this was a short-lived crush but he absolutely killed it at the 2015 esc and tumblr went wild over him so... 🤷🏻‍♀️

marc bartra so we’re getting into football players now and just look at him! he joined my favourite team (bvb) and i immediately loved him cause he made such an effort to integrate himself. after the team bus was attacked and he got injured my love for him only increased. he just seems so sweet and nice aaahh

niklas stark idek how i came to know abt him cause he plays for hertha which i don’t care abt aksjgjghjf but he has such a beautiful smile i think that’s what got me

andré silva i just thought he looked neat (still does but he doesn’t blow me away anymore)

héctor bellerín 2016 bellerín?? oof!! don’t look him up on google tho, he’s had a lot of... questionable hair and fashion choices throughout the years 🥴the way we all dragged him for it was really funny tho. i still love him he’s a great guy always supporting good causes

arón piper listen earrings and curly hair maketh the man

matthías tryggvi haraldsson once again a crush resulting from esc. he was my icon before i turned into a mdzs blog. i don’t even think he’s super attractive, i just love the contrast between hatari matti and normal matti

harry styles i’ve given in to the harry supremacy propaganda. he really is my favourite 1d member these days, musically-wise and looks-wise

bill kaulitz we’ve come full circle!! nowadays bill is my favourite kaulitz twin. it’s funny cause they literally have the same face so it all just comes down to how they present themselves and bill is just my preference

MEN (recently/currently)

wang yibo i don’t even have words!!! his look, his personality, his talent just!!! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM!! (as we all do) (also big genvy causer)

lesbian yibo this gets a separate bullet point cause i had this realisation like two weeks after falling for regular yibo but oh boi am i gay for her

xiao zhan he’s just.. so pretty and lovely. i thought about putting wwx into the fictional characters category cause i think xz looks the prettiest as wwx but xz as a person just seems so nice and down to earth that i had to put him here

bright (vachirawit chivaaree) a baby!!! his smile is so pretty and overall he gives off very ~soft~ vibes. also how does he look so good when crossdressing??

boun (noppanut guntachai) once again the jewellery got me. boys with earrings really will be my downfall one day... (this is not to say that he isn’t pretty without them, his face is also very much up there on reasons why i stan him)

tul (pakorn thanasrivanitchai) get you a man who is as comfortable in his masculinity and sexuality as tul

felix lee will i ever get over the dissonance between his looks and his voice?? probably not. also he’s just a fucking cutie

hyunjin felix might be my bias (oh god i’m starting to speak in kpop lingo) but i’m also kinda simping for him, what can i say?

WOMEN (sadly not as many but you know, heteronormativity)

scarlett johansson literally everyone on this planet thinks she’s hot and they’re right (yeah she’s kinda problematic but i can still appreciate her looks)

halsey remember when halsey used to kiss her fans at her concerts?? completely unrelated to that, i really wanted to go to one of her concerts..... 🙃 also i once dyed my hair blue bc of her

kiko mizuhara she was fancast as blue from the raven cycle so many times and i was so on board with it cause in my head she fit the character perfectly but maybe that’s just because i thought she was really really beautiful and wanted to see more of her 🤷🏻‍♀️

rihanna i mean... c’mon

michelle phan oh man this goes way back.. she was one of the first youtubers i watched in like 2010 before i even played with makeup myself. she just always gave off such calming vibes and she seems so nice. also look at her 😍

zendaya oof zendaya is a big one for me. she’s just so fucking beautiful just... how?? what??? i- AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

lena i started actively following her on ig after she released her last album in 2019 (which is great btw) and... damn girl do i want to be you or date you??

xuan lu oh god she’s so adorable but then also so hot but then also so etheral but then also so cute but then also so beautiful but then also s-

FICTIONAL CHARACTERS

stefan salvatore (tvd) gotta love how even at 14 i already knew not to make the toxic choice 😊

legolas (lotr) if you didn’t have a legolas phase you’re lying

draco malfoy (hp) if villain bad then why sexy?

anakin skywalker (star wars) if villain bad then why sexy? 2

noora amalie sætre (skam) she’s just really pretty, ok? the red lipstick didn’t help either...

chris p (skam) if villain bad then why sexy? 3 (ok he’s not a villain but he’s an asshole)

tokio (money heist) hhnnnnnnnggggggg girl with a gun make brain go brrr

wen qing (the untamed) funny how in the show i’m simping for wq but irl i prefer xuan lu... someone explain that to me. but anyways, she’s pretty, she’s fierce, and she looks fucking hot in red

#tag game #this took forever omg

[alchemist-shizun]

have you ever do coming out? how it was?

I did, and let me tell you, I'm really really lucky, even if not every one of them was a good experience.

I've only fully come out to my other LGBT+ friends, online or irl, who are of course very accepting of everything.

I've come out about my sexuality only (the one I identified with at the time, which actually I realized wasn't for me this year) to a very few number of irl non lgbt+ friends in different occasions, it went really well in both, one quite literally made me feel like it was the most normal thing in the world since I was telling a story and he was completely unfazed when I mentioned I had a gf. The other two were really happy I could open up and trust them and were really supportive and would always ask me how it went with the girl I was with at the time. (these two were around 2018)

Then my family. Well.

This one's a little complicated because it's not that they hate me or kicked me out or anything I just kinda.. Feel like they don't care. And it's the type where you would be scared to bring up anything about the community because you're convinced they wouldn't care nor want to know anything. It's the type of "as long as you don't bother me I don't mind." which is the type of mindset my dad has a lot in regards to my sister's bf (just fyi, she's 21 and he's 23 so like... Wow thanks. Sometimes I feel bad for how he treats her about her bf.)

So when I came out about my sexuality to my mum, she was fine with it, we just talked about some lighthearted stuff.

Then she asked me something where I made a huge mistake, she said "do you want me to tell dad for you?" and I said yes, since I'm too scared. Well in hindsight I should've kept my mouth shut about it: see basically at the time I had an online girlfriend who was a couple of years older than me, and I mentioned that to mum, and basically when my dad confronted me, he did it in the worst way possible.

He was mad I was in a relationship with this person and he claimed she promised me something out of it?? Like I was with her only because of something and not because we liked each other. He hated (I think he still does, softened up a bit because my sister has had a long distance bf for 1 year) internet friendships or relationships and my mum lowkey did too because she kept saying how basically it's not real because it's all digital and digital life isn't real. (this really upsets me because what, then you would excuse cyber bullying with that type of reasoning? But whatever, not the topic)

So he was really mad at me and demanded he looked through my phone, to which I couldn't say no or else he would think I was hiding something (and anyway, if I said no he would've done it anyway), and he started looking through the entire chat (and other ones with my friends) and read thousands of texts.

Now at the time I had only said I liked both boys and girls cause I know the concept of nonbinary is already too complicated for them to understand and unfortunately my dad came across the label pansexual (since the gf at the time was pan), I explained it to him and he just said I read too many things on the internet.

Imagine how hurt I was because that was actually how I used to identify back then.

Things escalated during those months, everytime he got mad at me, he would randomly take my phone and read conversations I had with this girl and he would comment on them just because and make me feel even worse, he basically hated her and lowkey hated the fact that I was with her.

The worst thing was that I sadly vented to her about him sometimes and he would basically prohibit me to vent and that's how I ended up deleting every single vent moment I had right after we talked. Years later I come to know that my sister had actually access to my chatting app and would tell my dad what we said, which is why he told me back then "I know you're deleting texts".

My mum wanted to send me to therapy because she didn't understand a single thing of what I said when I said I wasn't sure whether I liked boys girls AND more or just boys and girls. She thought I meant I didn't know if I was straight or not, I meant I didn't know if I was bi or pan, which is why I never mentioned gender identities to them and why I am closeted about me being nonbinary to them. (btw this was the understanding of the difference between bi and pan at the time, I was 15, I now know it's more complicated than that.)

About my sister, she came to know in the worst way possible too. For some reason I was afraid she would be homophobic and after I told mum, there was this one time I was at a restaurant with family friends and my cousins, aunt and uncle.

May I say I was sitting right between my cousin and my sister and in front of my aunt.

Unprompted, she asks me if I'm gay, but like she used this Italian phrase that I really don't like much, since it's usually used to make jokes by straight people about someone being gay.

I was there like GOD FUCKING DAMN IT we're LITERALLY next to our cousin and aunt COULD U SAY THAT LOWER. I told her I wasn't straight and, I don't remember much really, but she was offended I didn't tell her first. Like, wow, okay, coming out is difficult as fuck, but go on, be offended.

I had to go to the bathroom right after because I had an anxiety attack.

After things quieted down with my parents (as in my dad wasn't taking my phone as much), things started escalating with the girl I was with, she assumed a rather toxic behavior and I ended up dumping her.

Can still remember how my sister told me dad had said "thank goodness" when he learnt I wasn't with that girl anymore.

How also my mum said "cmon maybe next time you'll get a boyfriend". Wonderful comfort mum yes I already had a bf before, he dumped me one month after because he liked someone else not sure I want to try the experience again!! :)

Anyway, this is the reason why I do not talk about my relationships to my parents anymore. I had a girlfriend for almost 2 years and my dad knew nothing. My sister did because she actually grew a little bit better about this stuff (she's the embarrassing questions type, but at least she's not a bitch) and my mum knew around 6 months in, because she asked and we were alone. (I still think she thinks I'm a lesbian)

Also the reason why, when I got a pride flag while on school journey in the UK, I hid it in my drawer. And the reason why I'm terrified of asking of going to pride.

As of now, I have a lovely partner and yes, my entire family absolutely doesn't know and will not know if not strictly necessary. Maybe I will tell my sister, I was thinking about it, because that could probably make some personal stuff less difficult to do.

See, technically it's not that bad now, we just never bring it up at all and I never think about the clusterfuck of things that happened in 2016.

#long post #purp and anons #panphobia #coming out story #tw bad parents #tw toxic relationship

[evesbeve]

~All. Of. Them.~ ☺

99 gay-ish asks

… you know WHAT.

FINE.

I’LL DO ALL OF THEM.

LONG ANSWER UNDER THE TAG, HA V E FUN-

1. how tall are you?

I am 159cm aka 5′3ft!

2. what is your body type?

According to the first Google Image result I got, it’s between “Banana Shape” and “Apple Shape”. I have no idea who came up with these terms. But there you go.

3. what is your favorite part about your body?

My nails-

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color?

My hair is brunette, which is also my natural hair color!

5. are you more outgoing or more shy?

I’d like to think I’m outgoing, but we all know the truth rip

6. are you more femme or butch?

Depends on the day-

7. are you tol or smol?

I definitely wouldn’t call myself tol, so smol, I guess!

8. wine mom or vodka aunt?

Sober Mom

9. weird habit?

The door has to be either fully closed or fully open. Don’t fite me on this-

10. favorite meme?

Too many to count, but this is one of my favourites right now-

but also like, most of my faves at the moment are actually memes with pictures of me and my friends XD

11. do you sing in the shower?

Hell yes!!

12. ever used a bow and arrow?

Yep!

13. are/were you a theatre kid?

(Answered here)

14. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

Nope, but I’ve seen Aladdin’s counterpart to broadway in London! So it’s like, the exact same thing, but in London XD

15. do you think musicals are cheesy?

Yes. Do I think it makes them less enjoyable though? Nope.

16. have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

It’s a complicated story, but I have!

17. favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?

Gooood, it’s been so long since I’ve played CAH! I have no idea ;;

18. last movie you watched?

I think it was Far From Home!

19. behind the camera or in front of it?

I’m usually the one taking pictures and filming my friends (they better thank me in 10 years) but to be honest, I wish they’d take some more pics of me to look back to too. I do enjoy filming though, so I guess behind!

20. favorite tv show?

Right now, it’s definitely The Umbrella Academy!

21. meaning behind your url

My name is Evelina, and I am online

22. reason you joined tumblr

To follow a project I used to like on YouTube ^^

23. who’s your closest tumblr friend?

I mean, @clumsinessinperson, @xxwhisperapplexx, @hollsheadcanons and @spinharmony started out as tumblr friends, but now we’ve known each other for more than a year and they’re my best friends in the world ;w;

24. what’s something most people love that you hate?

Olives. Peas. Crocs.

uPDATE: i READ THAT QUESTION WRONG, I THOUGHT IT SAID THE OPPOSITE, I LOVE ALL THESE THREE THINGS

I do hate BBQ sauce with PASSION though-

25. have you ever taken narcotics?

I mean, only when I got my teeth extracted XD

26. have you had sex?

Nope.

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

I’ve never sneaked out before, so nah. My phone caught me on my phone at 5am once, does that count?

28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

(Answered here)

29. describe your passion without mentioning it.

The ocean’s waves clash at the coast. They drown in themselves. They help the boats move. But sometimes, the ocean is quiet.

30. describe your best friend.

Nearly impossible to describe a 100 people in one sentence, but none of them have braincells.

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows.

NOT AGAIN, ANSWERED HERE.

32. how do you feel right now?

Energetic!!

33. what is your biggest fear?

Dying

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

(Answered here)

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

Honestly, uploading my stories.

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

MANY TIMES. But hey, that’s life. And that doesn’t mean that it’ll always disappoint you. Keep trying, everyone!

37. something you fantasize about.

MEETING MY ONLINE FRIENDS IRL ;W;

38. last time you cried and why

This morning because I had a fight with my mom lmao

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh?

Me.

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Sure do *dabs*

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

@xxwhisperapplexx​, @clumsinessinperson​, @aesthetically-bitching​ and my other irl fren who doesn’t have tumblr but he is a dumbass!!

42. the last time you felt broken?

SEE 38, RIP (I’m okay now tho, dw!)

43. are you starting to realize anything?

I wanna be a director or a scriptwriter or something!! Just work in the movies!!

44. are you more dominant or more submissive?

Dominant, but I can be just as submissive!

45. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

I’ll only date you if I love you?? Why would I date someone I don’t love?

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

Uhhh look, I’m 16, so the same age, lol. And even if I was older, age doesn’t matter as long as it’s not creepy and predatory, you know?

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

I don’t have a crush at the moment, thANK GOD.

48. do you have any kinks?

Bye.

49. first thing you notice in a person?

(Answered here)

50. how can someone win your heart?

Step One: Stan Ben Hargreeves.

51. been rejected by a crush?

Nop. Never confessed-

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

Yes.

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

No.

54. is trust a big issue for you?

I mean, I wouldn’t trust someone I just met with my life, but I do have faith in people ^^

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently?

I do not,,, have a crush,,,

56. is confidence cute?

Everything positive is cute.

57. what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

I don’t like someone right now but if it were to happen, I wouldn’t say anything? It’s their life.

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Everyone makes me laugh. I must hate the person then XD

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH AAAAA

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Yes, like a bazillion times.

61. do you want to get married

I’m open to it!

62. worst thing you’ve ever done?

Honestly, I was trying to think of a serious answer, I PROMISE, but then I remembered that when I was little my parents had pissed me off so badly, and I quoted a Barbie movie that said “You’re ruining my life!” like an angry toddler.

Then they threatened to never let me watch Barbie again because it was a bad influence, anD I MEAN. It was what it was XD

Note: They never banned Barbie.

63. three things that turn you on.

How did you know I was an android.

64. who do you hate?

Hate is a strong word, lmao.

65. favorite term of endearment?

Unironically, it’s “boo” XD

66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

I WAS WONDERING IF THERE WAS A QUESTION LIKE THAT, honestly I do not remember. Probably someone from Winx.

67. intimidating girls or kind girls?

Both are valid.

68. what do you look for in a possible partner?

I don’t look, they hit me in the head.

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

All. All the girls.

70. are you good at flirting?

Yes, actually XD

71. who was the first person you came out to?

Probably @aesthetically-bitching​, I think!

72. do you have any friends who are wlw?

yeet

73. is your crush wlw?

don’t have a crush, but used to-

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

I have no idea, I’ve known I was bi since 6th grade.

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self?

Not all the steps you walked on are stableBut that’s okayReaching the top requires a few

76. do you fall in love easily?

I’ve only fallen like in love twice. Crushes are way different, and I’d say kinda…?

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Yeah. But I hate talking about it.

78. are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yep. If you notice I’m sad, I want you to notice I’m sad.

79. are you a forgiving person?

Mhm!

80. what is your “type?”

Ironically, Eudora Patch from The Umbrella Academy is a very good depiction of my type. (Note: Personality wise. Looks genuinely don’t matter to me, everyone is BEAUTIFUL.)

81. fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

I am a little spoon inside and out-

82. tall girls or short girls?

Doesn’t matter-

83. hugs or kisses?

Hugs!! kisses kinda make me uncomfortable most of the time to be honest

84. twirl her around or get twirled?

b O T H

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

Tummy-

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses?

Hairline,,,

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

Hair!!

88. making out or soft kisses?

Soft kisses, definitely. Not that I’ve kissed anyone before, but oh well XD

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

Neck…? I’d say neck.

90. how confident are you in your sexuality?

It took me a while, but I am very confident in it right now!

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

Butterflies™

92. have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

I have, and I told them absolutely nothing

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

*shrugs* young XD

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

All girls are cute girls. So many things.

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

THIS QUESTION IS STRESSING ME OUT, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO CHOOSE. Honestly, Alphys and Undyne are a hard one to top, aND ALSO CANON

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

“You’re just confused.”

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

… I don’t know what to tell you.

98. what is love to you?

Love is complicated.

To me, it’s not about having a partner. Actually, loving someone regardless of romantic feelings is way more important, in my opinion. These things can co-exist, and loving a friend is just as important loving a lover.

The lack of it can hurt, especially being forced out of it. But feeling love? I don’t know. It’s one of the most beautiful feelings ever. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by it.

I really love this article on it! It’s about the 8 types of love the ancient greeks had, and as I greek person myself, I think highly of it. I highly recommend reading it!

99. ask me anything. (bUt since no one specified, I’ll ask myself: Why do this and what did I learn from this?)

I did this because I am stubborn. Also I genuinely liked the questions XD

What I learned from this experience is that I really love answering questions, oops-

If you made it this far, I don’t know what to tell you. You deserve a golden star, my dude.

ANYWAY, NEVER AGAIN.

#evelina nonesense #anon #ask #gayish asks #i can't believe i did this

[boglog]

HILL HOUSE NOTES !!

Objectively speaking, I like the show as a weird crossover between Transparent and American Horror Story but there are always some cons :/ One thing I will say is that I find it hard to review horror bc I'm too busy swimming in cortisol to notice plot holes but I watched the scary scenes w subtitles and no audio and that will have to do!!!

Cons:

The diologue is occasionally awful.

Scratch that it's terrible and the more the show goes on the more it nears Grey's Anatomy levels of nauseating

Firstly, there are way too many name drops esp when there are only two characters in the room, sometimes even one sentence after another, it's exhausting.

i.e. 'Stay right here, honey. I'm going to talk to the police now sweetie, I'll be right back.' // 'You eat people, Steve. You are a parasite, Steve.'

Second of all, 'Don't do that ever again. Don't do that. Where were you? I thought the house thingy got you.' kids don't talk like this. I know irl children tend to imitate the adults around them but the sheer amount of stock cliches these child actors are required to say is incredible

And honestly overall there's too much talking period. There are dozens of scenes where a character monologues for almost five minutes!!!!

I loved mind doppelgänger Leigh's speech but really let's tally it up: we've got Mrs Dudley's monologue, Olivia monologues a few times, Theo's monologue, Luke 2 or three monologues, one from Shirley, Hugh is not much of a talker so thank god they were consistent. And of course a lot of these are important to the story and even close to entertaining (see also: Nell yelling at Steve) but it's way too much and anything actually significant is diluted in this deluge of info-dump-y speeches

Why god??? Why?

Like this is television not radio but I guess it's another case of Forced Diegesis when summarising w flashbacks would actually be way easier on my psyche but Tacky for these Kinematic Auteurs

I would've liked a more in depth exploration of Olivia and her childhood experiences of paranormal tragedy to give us a better context for her morally grey slip into an evil mother

Still somewhat peeved at how, bc of supernatural instinct, we can justify Theo and CPS taking a child away from her home. Obviously the show can't waste so much time on what's only supposed to be a quick detour into Theo's character and it works within the world of the show given that the guy did confess but portrayals of police, first responders, social workers, ad nauseum making snap descisions like that is Not Good for people's real world perception of their rights. Just sayin.

Maybe a scene where Steve and Hugh apologise for being garbage humans or something idk that would've been nice

This show has many layers and interpretations which could either skew towards clever ambiguity or clumsy indescision and while I'm leaning toward the former, I will say it does go a little all over the place for me.

Are the Crains' superpowers genetic, from their mother? Did it come from the house? Why is the house was so vindictive? What does it want? Or is it more symbolic of the emptiness inside the characters? Why is Olivia decidedly an over controlling mother but Nell is an innocent? Is really the only thing Steve had to do to save his marriage was reverse the vasectomy? Nell died of her own paradoxical haunting that began when she was six so was the cause ultimately a sadness within herself before the house of strictly the house's pull?

Like it's v unclear (probably deliberately) wether or not the story was Psychosis All Along or it was the house's vendetta or bc the Crains specifically are a supernatural mutant family

We never find out what Nell does for a living and I'm curious

Finally: it's really white sometimes. Like. Painfully white. Granted, the Crains come close to my favourite kind of white person, the quirky dysfunctional family of adult children scattered all over the country who only reunite at their dead sister's funeral. Still, the POC tally up to two love interests (one of which DIES), one cop, one naïve widow, and one poor daughter-less foster parent. One could argue only a middle class white family would stay in a haunted house for so long ://

Pros

The show juggles seven characters and two plots flawlessly. Each character is recognisable w a distinct personality after about only two episodes, the nonlinear structure as we alternate between the present day frame story and the main plot in flashbacks before ultimately converging when the family reunites at the house for the last time is not only clear but parses its information in way that's not only not confusing but strengthens the tension and dread. Even while they show the flashbacks' ending (w Olivia and later Nell's death) as well as the epilogue, the build up still feels entirely justified. This is peak plotting right there.

Furthermore, Nell's ghost still manages to be in the spotlight with some jumpscares even after we know who she is

My soul pretty much left my body when Nell's ghost attempts to bond w her sisters via screaming as they argue in the car

A quintessential microcosm of the show's representation of time and memory is Nell's final speech: whimsically disjointed at first, poignant and clear by the end

It's a horror show that is completely dedicated to its characters (and I'm sure some of you already know my love of dysfunctional families) and centres around human themes of connection, mourning, and trauma and the necessity of vulnerability and letting go in order to live a full life. That's very rare in horror where we usually get gratuitous gore with a small spattering of sentimental scenes to further the gore.

Olivia's Forever House served as an excellent symbol for her need to control, the house's monicker implying her fear of change.

An incomplete but not bad portrayal of trauma, a decent addition to the topical and ever-expanding mental illness discourse

Also ft. meta commentary on writers

In the beginning, Olivia really was portrayed as a concerned mother who was always trying to be considerate of her children's emotional well-being despite her occasional snaps. One has to wonder wether her slip into an irrational need to control might reflect society's paradoxically oppressive expectations of motherhood: to have absolute control of your children while also being a benevolent saviour to them 24/7. I mean in all fairness to Olivia, she was working and raising 5 kids. I'd lose my marbles too.

Or maybe I'm giving the creators too much credit and they were only angling for an Other Mother thing. I like this Foucaultian nihilism though so we're gonna go w that.

The show's acknowledgment of Useless Dad and Entitled Eldest Son syndrome.

Spat my tea when doppelgänger Leigh ripped Steve a new one, and since she's a representation of his psyche maybe that means that Steve himself has gained some self awareness. (He should still... apologise to his family....)

I mean they were really spot-on with how birth order family drama goes.

Human portrayal of a lesbian as an adult and a child! As tumblr user Lesbeet said, this is very rare and deftly done!

Theo doing literally anything

Shirl is p adorable

Theo and Shirl: the comedy duo we absolutely need in our lives

Arthur and Nell's romance is joining Up's prologue in the golden vault of world's greatest ten minute love montages. (Both of which ended in tragédie. ☹️)

Shirl's AU dream sequence, which unlike the others, presents us with an extramarital faux pas that we were not previously aware of, manages to seem totally appropriate for her character

The set and costume design are perfect for the primordial fear of the unknown aesthetic the show was going for. Fairy flappers! Gothic stairwells! Punk rock leather gloves! A McMansion that doubles as a funeral home! Motels! A curvilinear LA mansion! The absolutely insane brutalist million dollar rehab centre! Oh boy!!!

Accurate mortician portrayal: they really do gotta wire the corpses' mouths shut. Those damn chatty dead people.

Tldr:

Diologue is lengthy and cheesy while the characters are Too White. The rare portrayals of POC and how social services work were lacklustre. 👎

The show's incredible ambition and dedication to its characters and themes of trauma, dysfunctional family relationships, and the consequences of coping via trying to control your life is amazing. Theo, especially, is amazing. It's a very goth show with clinically depressed ghosts.👍

#the haunting of hill house #haunting of hill house #hohh #thohh #mike flanagan #hohh spoilers #onion post #colour text #u #c

[seofthours]

85 Questions

tagged by @1nomins and @wlwhyuck thank you <3

rules: answer all 85 questions then tag 20 people! 

♡ Last…? ♡

Drink - water

Phone call - I called my mom’s phone because she couldn’t find it :)

Text message - me telling my friend Seb that we were just gonna sneak away to Canada

Song you listened to - probably elevator by jonghyun // that has been on repeat lately

Time you cried - I don’t really know. I don’t cry that often. I almost cried when Spence posted New York

♡ Ever…? ♡

6. Dated someone twice - yep

7. Kissed someone and regretted it - yes // funny story,, I hung out with this guy because he was kinda cute and plus this other guy pissed me off. I added the guy who I was supposed to hang out with on snapchat so he could send me a picture of a rainbow that he had taken. Later that night, I was in the car with the guy I wasn’t dating but had been hanging out with. He took my phone and blocked rainbow dude. That ultimately pissed me off, so I added him back and we hung out a few days later. Rainbow guy pretty much gave me a choice of kissing him or being accused of being a lesbian. If you don’t know, I live in the south. Although I am pan, being accused of being gay here isn’t something I need. (I am not out btw) I ended up kissing him which pissed off guy I had been hanging out with. I regret kissing this guy for multiple reasons. whoops

8. Been cheated on - no but a guy I was dating told another girl that he loved her. His best friend made him tell me and when I didn’t react the way that they wanted me to, he broke up with me :)

9. Lost someone special - mmmm no?

10. Been depressed - I have asked for help with this, but guess who has yet to receive help. Good news is that I am 4 years clean since the beginning of May

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - nope i prefer to just get tipsy

12. Fave colors - blue, pink, and yellow which is ironically the pan flag

♡ In the last year have you… ♡

15. Made new friends - yes uwu

16. Fallen out of love - sure I have

17. Laughed until you cried - All the time

18. Found out someone was talking about you - Yeah but it doesn’t happen often though. I tend to stray away from things that could get me talked about

19. Met someone who changed you - All of the people that I have met who are good have changed me for the better. 

20. Found out who your friends are - When I was in a wreck a couple months ago, I had been on the way to a birthday party. The only three people who came I consider friends except maybe one. When I was finally able to show up to the party, the birthday girl told me that she had guests to entertain and that she couldn’t just leave. 

21. Kissed someone on your FB friend list - probably. I don’t get on fb though

♡ General ♡

22. How many FB friends do you have irl - I don’t accept friend requests from people I don’t know

23. Do you have any pets? - We have two dogs, a cat, and a guinea pig

24. Do you want to change your name - no I am okay with my name

25. What did you do for your last bday - went to eat with some friends when I really should have gone out of town with my mom and sister like I originally intended

26. What time did you wake up today - like 11?

27. What were you doing at midnight lastnight? - only god knows aldalsdkjf

28. What is something you can’t wait for - to be employed again damn. I am broke

30. What are you listening to right now - my computer keys 

31. Have you ever talked to a person named tom - I? don’t? think so?

32. Something that gets on your nerves - assholes :)

33. Mosted visited sites - youtube and tumblr and google docs

34. Hair color - a light brown blonde with red? What would you call that?

35. Long or short hair - almost to my ass aldjfs

36. Do you have a crush on someone - I thought I did but I don’t think I feel that way toward her

37. What do you like about yourself - One of the things I’ve always liked about myself is that I don’t do the things that everyone else does. Lately, I have been following trends especially with my writing, so I am just trying to get back to my roots.

38. Want any piercings? - There was a time went I wanted a lip piercing because I was like “emo yes” but now I think I just want a second ear piercing

39. Blood type - o negative. I donate blood and the blood services sent me a card in the mail that said “you are o- so special”

40. Nicknames - emuwu, liky, cute demon, loly(pop), etc.

41. Relationship status - on the market // I like girls uwu

42. Zodiac - Aquarius sun, libra moon, Virgo rising

43. Pronouns - she/her

44. Fav tv shows - I don’t watch a lot of tv :/ it doesn’t hold my attention for long

45. Tattoos - no but I plan to get one

46. Right or left handed - right handed

47. Ever had surgery - no

48. Piercings - i just have my ears pierced

49. Sport - none currently but I played softball, did gymnastics, and cheered for a while

50. Vacations - I wanna go back to San Francisco :(

51. Trainers - ???

♡ More general ♡

52. Eating - cocktail peanuts

53. Drinking - water

54. I’m about to watch - nothing

55. Waiting for….. - people to stop sexualizing the dreamies :)

56. Want…. - to sleep 

57. Get married - once upon a time (watch me love a girl and them outlaw gays being married again)

58. Career - It changes a lot. I currently plan to major in journalism and then possibly segway into law school

♡ Which is better ♡

59. Hugs or kisses - both but kisses

60. Lips or eyes - eyes are great but l i p s

61. Short or taller - It isn’t that hard to be taller than me so I don’t really care

62. Older or younger - mm I think I could only go like a year younger

63. Nice arms or stomach - arms

64. Hookup or relationship - depends but a relationship 

65. Troublemaker or hesitant - troublemaker 

♡ Have you ever ♡

66. Kissed a stranger - no 

67. Drank hard liquor - I mean yeah but give me two months // nobody let me on tumblr during that time lkdfa

68. Lost glasses - I wear contacts

69. Turned someone down - yes a few times 

70. Sex on first date - nope

71. Broken someone’s heart - I want to say no but yes

72. Had your heart broken - eh

73. Been arrested - no 

74. Cried when someone died - yes

75. Fallen for a friend - unfortunately

♡ Do you believe in…? ♡

76. Yourself? - depends on the day

77. Miracles - sometimes // it’s a miracle that I didn’t step on that wasp earlier

78. Love at first sight - absolutely not

79. Santa claus - why is this a question?

80. Kiss on first date - if it happens, it happens

81. Angels - (I choked on Korin’s answer) yes and no 

♡ Other ♡

82. Best friend’s name - Seb the crab (inside joke) and my lovely A1 Dumbasses gc uwu

83. Eye color - hazel so like a green color with a caramel brown color in the center

84. Fave movie - 10 things i hate about you, how to lose a guy in 10 days, she’s all that, and mulan

85. Fave actor - mm no one in particular

I’m tagging: @wlwnohyuck @winwincity @morkleek @hyucksgalaxy @renjun-l @icetwea @wlwjisung @95s @hyuckbae @celestial-cosmosis @kkookies @softiejungwoo @angel-donghyuck @bumblebeesandcacti @tinybinnie @doyuwung sorry if you have already done this! <3

#about me #this took fucking forever #im gonna go die in my bed now #and watch chan videos

[flowers-in-your-dustbin]

Do ‘em all

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I think physical attraction is a contributing factor just as much as anything else is, it’s not the most important but I think anyone’s lying if they say looks don’t play at least some part.

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Definitely. Which even I’m surprised I’m now saying haha.

3. Are you a virgin?

Nope.

4. Are you in a relationship?

Yes!

5. Are you in love?

Very much so.

6. Are you single this year?

Nope!

7. Can you commit to one person?

I can indeed.

8. Describe your crush

The most gorgeous, beautiful, meme-queen and emo you ever did see. Luckily for me she ain’t a crush, she’s more than that and mine

9. Describe your perfect mate

I just did.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Maybe not ‘love’ but a definite powerful connection of such, without sounding too cringe.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

It’d be nice someday.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Depends on the betrayal. Probably could pretend to on the surface, but not so forgiving underneath.

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Not as easily as I thought I would, I joke that I am more often than I actually really am haha.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

I fancy my girlfriend very much so xo

15. Do you have any piercings?

Just the lobes but they’re closed up now practically now haha

16. Do you have any tattoos?

I do, just the one but many many more I hope.

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Depends where the in public place is, not constantly but the occasional is pretty adorable

20. Do you shower every day?

Yeah

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I hope considering she said she did over 9 months ago!

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

I’d like to think so

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Already have lmao, wouldn’t dream of cheating.

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

Could be nice! Engaged at least

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

Yeah!

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Indeed they have

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Yeah lol

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Not that I’m aware of

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Not my style thanks

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

Nah, but liposuction could be good hahah would never actually do it tho

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Oh yes

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

I think!

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

nope nope, gold star bitches :)

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

yeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeye

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yeah!

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yep!

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

‘Disliked’ may be a better term, if I can use that then yes haha

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Haha yeah

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yasssss

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

Nope, my writing skills aren’t that impressive

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

Yea boi

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Right, we timed this before and my gal’s hands wander first but I also have the hormones of a teenage boy so probs 0.5 seconds at the right kinda time if you catch my drift

43. How long was your longest relationship?

this one now! so nearly 10 months and counting

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

technically my gal now is my first girlfriend, was very close to another (unfortunately) but too closeted to want to go further. Had a couple of ‘talking to’ people that never got official too.

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

046. How many times did you have sex last year?

can’t count lol

47. How old are you?

Eighteen

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Whatever floats your goat, you do you… etc…

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

Her personality/cheekiness

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

My girlfriend is my first true love so I’d be like wtf are you apologising for get in here NOW!

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Just the one yeah x

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

A fair few, there’s only so many times you can get taken advantage of until you run.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Who knows?

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Si

55. Share a relationship story.

Mine and my girlfriend’s ‘song’ is quite a lil’ indie one, so I went and found whether I could buy the single. Couldn’t find it anywhere, but when I did it said it may be sold out… I emailed and they had TWO left! I bought them both of course, what a coincidence. I hope to get mine framed for us one day for in our house lol

56. State 8 facts about your body

1: phat

2: not as phat as previous

3: scars

4: innie 

5: blonde hair

6: blue eyes

7: second degree burns have left pretty permanent tan lines for the past year

8: bruises

57. Things you want to say to an ex

blocked.

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

1. thoughtfulness, 2. creativity, 3. make me laugh, 4. fooooood, 5. make me feel appreciated

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

look at my pp cba

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

like a year

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

their taste in memes/vines ;) jks, their eyes

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

dunno if I can write this as I have irl mutuals here hahah so I’ll keep that a secret

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

hand stuff, mouth stuff, gay stuff

64. What is your definition of cheating?

kissing/fucking/anything with romantic intent not for the person you’re with

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

routine is pointless, spice it up 

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

the role-play where we don’t role-play lmao cringe

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

anything involving exploring, adventuring, good/deep conversation etc.

68. What is your sexual orientation?

the biggest lesbian you ever did see

69. What turns you off?

ignorance

70. What turns you on?

starts with ‘girl’ ends with ‘friend’

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

lol can’t relate I have night terrors instead of those clearly

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

my name ;) amongst ‘fuck’

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

continue to look after me and tolerate me haha

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

brunette

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

oh god there’s so many contenders all from one (the best) gal, some include surprising me at work/college as well as getting me a bear and spraying it with her perfume, there’s so many more tho wow

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

probs surprising my baby on her birthday at midnight with flowers (on a SCHOOL NIGHT!?!?)

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

as long as its legal and not nonce-y it’s got the all clear from me

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

can’t put that on here sorry hah

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

nothing really jumps out, not sure

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

today

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

1. my gal, 2. ruby rose, 3. Lynn gunn, 4. Frances bean Cobain, 5. Hannah Hart (always have always will leave me alone)

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

my girlfriend I think

83. Who was your first kiss with?

my girlfriend

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

not that we were together but I multitude of reasons

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

I kind of am! she slid into the DMs (cringe-ing at myself)

#asks

[tumblunni]

Man, god, im just suddenly thinking about "ak/ur/oku" and like.. How the fuck did that even become such a huge thing in early 2000s fandom? Dear god so much early gay shipping in fandom was super unhealthy "sinful" bullshit made by straight people for fetishy purposes rather than genuine representation. But a/kurok/u was such a weird one because it was like.. Just globally accepted and never aknowledged to be problematic?? Man i still remember how lil 13 year old me didnt know there was anything wrong with it, like seriously when stuff like this becomes popularized it ends up sending bad messages to actual queer youth. Learning about your sexuality via the internet cos there's no sex ed irl for you, abd you end up stumbling into toxic fandoms before you have the critical thinking skills necessary to know that this stuff is bad and shouldnt be imitated. Like seriously one of the things i worry about EVERY NIGHT AT 2AM THAT KEEPS ME FROM SLEEPING is that stupid lil 15 year old me made a post on deviantart going like "are pedophiles really all bad? I mean it sounds like an illness. I mean maybe theyre just scared and they want help." Like im terrified constantly that someone will find that old thing and judge me as if i still believe that apologist crap, or as if it was actually an opinion i formed from a fully developed mind, rather than from a kid who (as far as i knew) had never met a pedophile, thinking about pedophiles in the abstract, while being influenced by fuckin pedophile-dominated fandoms and having NO IDEA. and of cooooourse i wanted to believe that i was mature for my age, i thought that was a compliment.. Uuuuugh...

Sorry, going a little offtopic there.

But anyway isnt it kinda weird how akur/oku was just.. Not even regarded as pedophilia? And when i was a kid it wasnt just me not understanding the gross parts of the fandom, i legit never thought axel was that much older than roxas. And it was one of the more popular gay ships cos at that point as far as we knew it was the only person axel had any sort of backstory with, and he cared so much about this guy that he was willing to sacrifice his life to help sora even when he knew roxas would never come back. At the time without further context it seemed like a reasonable assumption to make? And it wasnt until Days that i realized axel was intended to be an adult rather than a teenager, and even worse A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO MADE THAT SHIPPING ART KNEW THAT. Uuugh it was so gross in retrospect to go back and see all the clues i missed that these people were fetishizing roxas's inexperience and veey much writing him as underage. AAAAAAA!

Anyway im glad that shit is now recognized as shit and now we have canon evidence of this dude being old as balls. And honestly i love the relationship of him as a big brother/dad to roxas and xion a lot more, even though as a kid i was desperate for any kind of queer representation in kh. Like.. I never really actually liked the ship that much or felt any chemistry? I just latched onto a few bad writing flubs that could potentially be interpreted as Gay Evidence because i was SO damn desperate! Like i felt like i had to support all these gross abusive ships in fandom cos if i wasnt then i was being 'homophobic', i mean they were THE ONLY AVAILABLE OPTIONS, right? :( Its only now ive grown up i can see how wrong that was, and how people just used it as an excuse to make gross shit and get away with it. Like how in Black Butler all these 'yaoi fangirls' kept erasing the rarest of rare things, a canon trans woman, because 'its sexier if its gay'. Ughhhh. And seriously that discourse still exists for poor Grell, and there's still a lot of these shitty bigoted people pretending to be allies, but like seriously this was EVERYWHERE in 2005! And lgbt rights and even lgbt communities at all were way smaller and less available to the poor teenagers who really needed that positive influence while they were figuring out who they are. So man the abusive side of yaoi fandom was WAY more powerful, and wya more.mainstream, with barely any criticism. And the whole content of this fandom was creepy fuckin adults making pedo porn, and kids who just discovered they were queer and tried to headcanon their favourote characters as being like them. Fucking predator heaven! So yeh that ruined KH for me and definately made me scared of returning to Black Butler for almost a decade. And then i found out that the manga itself has none of that pedo shit and that one of the fandom's biggest abusive gay man archetypes was actually a trans woman this entire time, and just gahhhhh....

Also like seriously this is a tad offtopic but can we kill the anime trope of either everyone looking young or everyone looking old? Or creepy things where just one character looks the wrong age in order to fetishize pedophilia? I dont think kingdom hearts was one of those intentional ones, like i mean there's super bad shit where its like 'this 5 year old looking person is really 9000 years old/actually 18 and just hasnt had their growth spurt yet' (somehow its even more insulting when theres not even a magical excuse) Or the other way around and we have a character thats canonically underage but drawn looking sexually mature with big ol knockers so its somehow okay. The existence of those horrible things is why i end up feeling uncomfortable even seeing ambiguous ages as just a trope in completely innocent anime, yknow? Like in pokemon and digimon all the 10 year old protagonists are exactly the same height as all the adults, and all the female love interests for ash have to be early bloomers in terms of chest and hips, while notably Iris is the only one who actually looks her age and also the first non love interest. Its another reason why i prefer the new art style for the latest season, they make everyone look like kids and Lillie continues to look like a kid even though she's the main girl and has all the cute scenes with Ash. The girls even got very normal looking kiddy swimsuits in the beach episode! Why is that so uncommon, to find the bare minimum thing of underage kids not being sexualized at the beach??

Soooooo yeah, thats at least part of why kid me thought axel and roxas were within a similar age range. Like i thought roxas was maybe 16 and axel was 18?? Somehow?? I dont even know, kingdom hearts isnt even SUPER bad with the 'kids look like older teens,all adults look like age 20 at the most' anime syndrome. Its probably more because id been raised on games and anime that followed that trope, before i played kh. And as a kid you just dont really know the exact differences between 'old', like i mean i knew teenagers were tall and boys get a growth spurt, so somehow it made sense to me that axel could be the same age as roxas?? And man even if i knew he wasnt, i was barely educated at all about pedophilia and i didnt know the nuances of it. I just knew 'its bad for adults to marry kids' like man i was really behind the curve in general learning due to my undiagnosed autism and abusive parenting so like HERE'S 12 YEAR OLD ME NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT THE SEX ASPECT. And i didnt know that adults in relationships with teenagers was bad too, or like 16/17 year old teens dating kids... I was so fuckin dumb... I really cant believe that not only did i believe stupid adults saying 'pedophilia isnt bad if you're non offending, its okay to make cartoon child porn as long as you dont physically abuse real kids' but also i somehow just DID NOT EVER REALIZE that axel was an adult and roxas wasnt even a goddamn older teen...

So yeh im making a lot of excuses for why my stupid younger self was blindly parroting bullshit, but im not trying to excuse how goddamn wrong and bad it was. I still wake up ashamed in the middle of the night for crapoy decisions i made as a dumb kid, and in terrified that some shreds of it might still exist out there on the internet and maybe someone else could read it?! Gahhhh! Seriously could i have accidentally helped spread that bullshit brainwashing to other kids? And seriously when people say this shit is harmless they just need to look at this, look at how being into problematic yaoi is such a common 'phase' for ACTUAL CHILDREN. Like its not fuckin NATURAL for kids to fall into this stuff, they do it because they dont know any better but the people making the goddamn founding blocks of the fandom are fuckin grown women fetishizing gay men or grown men fetishing lesbians. There's people who do know better who actually conciously decide that a/kurok/u is a good ship while knowing all the goddamn details of what it actually is and exactly what theyre supporting by shipping it. Ughhhhh!

So yeh fuckin Please Stay Safe In Fandom, Kids

And pedophiles have absolutely none of my sympathy, please ignore that goddamn shit i wrote as a little kid being fuckin groomed by a fandom without even knowing it.

This also applies a lot to the rest of LGBT+ aside from just gay shipping, like seriously it took me til age 18 to find any positive representation of trans people or even a proper explanation of what being trans is, yet before i was even 8 years old i'd seen a million 'lol gross man in a dress who gets sexual gratification from wearing women's underwear' jokes in kids shows. And when i was 12 i'd already been exposed to the fuckin hell of m/pre/g thanks to its prevelance of untagged n/sf/w shit in the kh fandom. And by age 15 i'd been exposed to pedophile apologists arguing whether child porn was okay if they only got off to that and didnt personally abuse that kid with their own hands. All of that shit but actually learning about homosexuality and gender in sex ed would have been 'too much' for someone my age...

God what a fuckin mess. Fuck im really really fuckin worried that any of my ignorant comments at those ages could have been read by other ignorant kids and contributed to that disgusting fandom atmosphere. Fuck i think about this so damn often im so damn ashamed of how ignorant i used to be yet i know the adult fuckfaces making pedo shit never reel one lick of shame any damn day of their life. I used to excuse their shit as an actual kid cos i just ASSUMED they would be ashamed and want to seek help! Gahhhh..

[aquarianlights]

Coming out as transgender to people who you have absolutely no idea if they're going to reject you or not is worse and way more traumatic than coming out to people who you KNOW are going to reject you.

I'm literally fucking sobbing right now. Two of my oldest friends... Two people I have known since pre-k...maybe before that...Jymboree... That. That was before pre-k, right? Well, I've known them since Jymboree.........and I don't think either of them know I am transgender. One of them only just now found me on FB and we haven't spoken since... early college years. And the other...we haven't spoken in a few years.

I'm just coming out to them both RIGHT NOW....and I'm shaking and crying. I'm literally shaking and there are tears rolling down my cheeks.... I have known these two girls probably 24 of my 25 years of existence. Maybe almost a full 25. They were two of the biggest influences in my entire life....and they are like sisters who I grew up with.

I only found out I was transgender and not just "faking it/pretending to be a boy" around the age of 20-22ish. I honest to god thought I was pretending and my ex girlfriend breaking up with me after over 5 years of an LD relationship because she thought I was pretending, too, was possibly one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. Not THAT it happened...but how it happened. And the things I have experienced from being transgender... specifically from cishet males... is horrible.

And people misgendering me and just not understanding for some reason??? I'm sorry, but even if you're on the autism spectrum, you can understand when someone says they're a boy, they're a boy. You're not misunderstanding this because you're autistic; you're misunderstanding it because you're a white, cishet dude who apparently has a crush on me.

Receiving a text that says or someone saying "I'm sorry, but it's just weird for a me, being a straifght guy, to have a crush on you as a transboy." LET ME MAKE ONE THING CLEAR RIGHT FUCKING NOW: YOU EITHER HAVE A CRUSH ON ME OR YOU ARE NOT STRAIGHT. There is ///////////NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!/////// inbetween. You cannot be male and like another male and call yourself straight. Can you? Then how can you like me and call yourself straight? I'm just as male as you are. Always have been, always will be. Before and after HRT + gender correction surgeries. Just because I am transgender and haven't transitioned yet does not make me ANY LESS of a man than you in ANY way.

There is literally no way in this world or logic or ANYTHING that can state factually that you can be straight and male and have a crush on me. I don't understand how a man can call himself straight if he has a crush on another man? Can someone explain that to me? Please? I'm just DYING to know. And for anyone who is autistic (I think I have like maybe 2 or 3 friends on the spectrum here on FB and who knows how many on tumblr where I'm gonna c/p this to), you have absolutely no excuse. If a fucking child can understand that I'm a man....so can you. Idk if autism and down syndrome are synonymous... I don't think they are, coz my cousin has down syndrome and he's not like any of the autistic people I've spoken with online... (So I'm a little confused there), BUT EVEN HE UNDERSTANDS I AM MALE OKAY! He can't even speak for himself or change himself or dress himself or do anything for himself. He holds a bagging position at a local grocery store with help. Other than that, that's about it. He is in his late 20's and he acts like a child...always pulling my hair, can't speak correctly, speaks through sounds and groans and motions, reacts emotionally like...toddler-like emotions...Stuff like that to give examples. And I thought, for the longest time (coz I was ignorant and sheltered) that that was what autism was.

Well, I'm sorry, but if my cousin WITH THAT SEVERITY OF DOWN SYNDROME (which may or may not be autism?????? I have no clue on any developmental issues coz I only have mental disorders and not developmental issues and I only study psuedo-sciences (aka psych things) relevant to myself because I'm forced to so I'm ignorant by choice here which is probably abelist but it emotionally hurts me to look at this stuff) CAN UNDERSTAND THAT I'M A BOY EVEN WHEN I'M IN A DRESS AND HIGH HEELS WITH MAKE-UP ON, UNDERCOVER IN DISGUISE FOR A FAMILY FUNCTION.... ANY OF YOU AUTISTIC PEOPLE CAN. NONE OF YOU HAVE ANY EXCUSE. NO ONE WITH A DEVELOPMENTAL DISORDER, MENTAL ILLNESS, OR ANYTHING HAS ANY EXCUSE. AND, NO, I'M SORRY, BUT YOUR BIGOTRY IS THE SAME AS PEDOPHILIA BEING INCLUDED IN THE LGBT+ COMMUNITY: IT'S NOT COUNTING AND IT NEVER WILL BE, YOU SICK FUCK.

I'm just....I'm just so scared and so angry and so hurt and so...

All the experiences I've had irl and online with both people I know and people I don't know and anything inbetween...professionals and acquaintances and anything inbetween... I'm fucking traumatized by it all and yes that's actually part of my PTSD. It's not the main part of it, but the trauma associated with accumulated experiences due to being out and proud as a transman are a part of my extremely severe PTSD. Again, not the main part...but the fact they are a chunk is scary... Coz that means it could be the ENTIRE reason for someone's PTSD if they were to have lesser experiences than me (lesser being used in quantitative terms here, not qualitative---everyone's traumas are equal...the times we experience traumas are all different, obvs, and the times we experience traumas that contribute to PTSD are different and since I have so goddamn many, thinking some trans person could have PTSD based SOLELY around their experience as a trans person is horrifying when that is one of the least of my worries in the PTSD category).

I didn't realizing coming out could be this terrifying...

When I thought I was pretending to be male and was actually female irl, I thought I was just a lesbian since I am attracted to mostly girls. (Didn't know bi and pan was a thing either lol) so I came out on my very first day at a new school sophomore year of hs by people asking me or something and me doing something really bold and rash to prove it and then shrugging and being all "And? What are you gonna do about it?" Like. Coming out as lezz was as though I were coming out as human in my mind. It absolutely did not matter to me at all. 

And, frankly, I got off on it mentally coz it added a shock value when someone called me a dyke in a crowd and I would grab the nearest girl and ask her permission to kiss her and kiss her as hard as I could and then throw her aside (gently) into the crowd and strut right up to said (cishet white male obvs) person who asked and stand so close he could smell the shampoo I use and look him directly in the eye and dare him to do something about it and basically say "Are you just angry I get more pussy than you? Is that why you tried to make it public that you've got such a small dick?" Stuff like that. I get filmed a lot doing this stuff so there's prob videos of little female-presenting, bright blue haired, 5'1 3'4" kandi kid, harajuku girl Nickita version of me floating around being all confrontational and angry. Lol.

I forget why I made this post.

Oh yeah. Because I'm crying and shaking coz my friends aren't gonna respond for a while I'm sure and Idk if I'm going to lose them and at the same time I am super super SUPER sick and drained by guys not treating me as equal to them when I'm just as male as they are, with or without the parts.

I’m seriously so drained by cishet boys. By the ace thing and by the trans thing. I’m sick of cishet boys trying to coerce me into sex because they’re the “one exception” and I’m sick of cishet boys trying to say they’re straight but they have a crush on me, when I’m a boy. You CANNOT BE A STRAIGHT BOY AND HAVE A CRUSH ON A BOY!?!??!?!

These are things I deal with MULTIPLE times a day from MULTIPLE people...from people with autism and aspergers...to actual full on neurotypicals. Like. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?

NOTE: I have since learned the aspergers, autism, and down syndrome are like...all different or something like that. I don’t really want to know, which is ableist af, but I don’t want to know on purpose. I want to stay ignorant on specifics. I just want the general knowledge and the tl;dr version of it all. At least....right now....maybe when I’m not about to have a panic attack, ready to slit my wrists, overdose, shoot someone, can slow down my thoughts, can force my intrusive thoughts back into intrusive thought zone and not desire zone, and can STOP HAVING AUDITORY HALLUCINATIONS WHEN I KNOW DAMN WELL MY SCHIZO MEDS ARE WORKING THEY ARE WORKING THEY ARE WORKING SO THIS ISN’T REAL AND IDK WHY THIS IS HAPPENING....maybe then I’ll like to know specifics, but I cannot an will not handle specifics right now. No thanks. Pseudo-science are ew. It’s bad enough I have to lean my OWN psuedo-sciences. (Psst. I still only learn the tl;dr textbook version of my own pseudo-science stuff (aka: psych stuff) so I can just learn the rest from self experience. it works. pro tip, y’all.)

#personal #trans #trans stuff #idk #conflicted #emotional af #i want to kill myself tbh haha............... no #i actually am considering it #i ahve all the pills....

[kiishou]

All the emojis

all of them???? ok here we go

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

anyone who knows me knows that I’m not very secretive. Something I think I rarely tell anyone is that my first kiss was taken from me by a girl

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

I’m not very fond of hugs, but I would love to hug Rod, Zach, Robert, and Ana KappaPride

plus i wouldn’t mind hugging the woman i would go lesbian for aka emilia clarke hot damn k bye 

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

Sylveon is my all time favorite but I also have a lot in my heart. I think it changes from game to game tbh 

I love sylveon because i think i would be sylveon if i were a pokemon and i would be hella cute and strong and would be able to crush my enemies with sparkles

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

I think It would be a lot less of cities and more natural areas, I would like to come up with a plan for different countries and peace

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

Oh my. I get these so often but the most recent one was about me being a skilled assassin and I was on a job to kill someone and it was such a difficult situation and at the same time I was being hunted to be killed so I ended up having to kill two people and I woke up walking into the room where my boss was

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

I have more than one but I’m only going to focus on ana right now:

I like how much she’s let me in? Like, she’s naturally really shy and doesn’t talk very much but over the years she’s really talkative and funny with me. We also do stupid shit together which i love. She LOVES papitas as much as I do and we literally buy an entire bag of chips for each of us like every 3 days LOL. I just think she’s a beautiful person inside and out. Sometimes, things aren’t perfect but we seem to tough it out and stick around. I would honestly die for her and if anyone every hurts her I will end their life. I like too many different things about her to just pick one sorry

😘 talk about your crush or partner

He is someone who has been through a lot of things he does not deserve in his life. Most of the time I don’t think he even deserves to have someone like me around because I’m more than a handful. He’s very smart and studying to be an engineer because he loves tinkering with things and inventing things. He would be a pilot if he wasn’t colorblind. He’s very handsome with his hair cut but he tries to grow it out cause eh thinks it’ll look cool but it does not (oops) I only wish for his happiness and cherish all the time he spends with me and my weird ass. He’s probably one of the only two people who love fueling my Target obbsession

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

It honestly depends on the situation and how upset I was in that instant: example, online trolls on my stream/in games i just bully back or perma ban but irl it would take something really offensive for me to say something

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

1. how I think I’m cute sometimes

2. how much I care for my friends

3. how hardworking I am but no one really ever gets to see it

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

I think I am scared of imperfection. I honestly don’t know how to overcome it other than accepting that things aren’t always going to be perfect.

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

A blanket fresh from the dryer

💙 what annoys you about some people?

People who lie and thick they’re so slick about it smh

😤 do you get angry easily?

Absolutely not

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

how cute i would look with these boots that I can’t afford (i’m a size 5.5)

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

1. The entirety of America

2. Donald Trump

3. The current presidency

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

there was no names sent? u.u

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

I would love to live literally anywhere in England because I love rainy weather

☕️ talk about your ideal day

an ideal day would be waking up early, eating a good breakfast, playing some games ( and ACTUALLY WINNING LOL) and have a successful and fun stream, then watch anime/movies until I sleep

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

I think I’m an introvert

💧 when was the last time you cried?

½/2017

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

1.  Lovewave - 그 밤

2. There You Are - Pogo

3. Love Never Felt So Good - Michael Jackson, Justin Timberlake

4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qemb3iBlp1o

5. Deja Vu -Post Malone ft. Justin Bieber

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

I would love to time travel and be able to change things that weren’t right the first time

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

I would tell her so many things. I would probably write her a book and everything I want to tell her.

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

I’m not one to really be jealous but I do get envious of different things/people. I’m just a brat who get upset over things I don’t have

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

Bravery. I always tell myself to be brave and act like I am but I never am 

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

my entire being 

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

I know English, Spanish, German, and  some Japanese. I want to properly learn Japanese, Korean, and Arabic tho

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

I think I would be Newt Scamander’s best friend 

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

i honestly don’t know how to answer this one

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

who knows? none probably

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

I would want to be a fox

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

I really dislike how backwards my sleeping schedule is right now. I can’t even wake up remotely early and it makes me extremely grumpy and I can’t even fall asleep so I’m somehow surviving on like 3-4 hours a night and I am exhausted

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

no thanks

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

I wanted to be an Astronaut when I was a child, then I wanted to be a musician because it was more realistic. Now? I just want to be an Illustrator/Animator

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

i fucking love cookies, ice cream, sour punch straws, and gummy worms but by far wedding cake is my favorite thing in the world catch me crashing weddings just for the cake

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

star wars, pillows/blankets, collecting figures and other cute collectibles, these boots, wanting to be perfect, happiness, themed shit, skins in video games

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

i’m cry

😪 what are you sick of?

i’m sick of my dumb ass

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

NO i get too many panic attacks which involves a lot of adrenaline so no thanks bye

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

I already tried to answer this

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

As much as I want to say yes, I think I’m not and need a lot of improvement

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

play video games, go to target for no reason, stream, talk to friends, go out to eat at taco bell and destroy my stomach, sleep, watch movies

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

who knows tbh I think it was Misguided Ghosts - Paramore

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

oh god pls don’t ask me this

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

self portraits or things on how i’m feeling

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

the American society standards 

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

my what? what did you call me????//

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

you didn’t send me anything hullo

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

Emilia Clarke bye

🐴 opinion on __?

yes

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

I think so but sometimes i’m unemotional it’s very complicated

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

I don’t read often but I love The Harry Potter Series, Saving Max, and The Martian. I’m currently reading the Rogue One novel and I love it so much 

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

sometimes I stream or I just play games to feel better or I talk to my friends who I love cause they make me so happy and fuel me with support 

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

“something will always work out” “tomorrow is another day”

🌍 which country do you live in?

United States of America tragic

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

1. sleepy

2. exhausted

3. smol

🐵 which quotes changed you?

“be brave” “trust goes both ways” “fuck you I was worth it”

💭 do you keep a diary?

I used to but I couldn’t keep up with it

💫 who inspires you?

kellye, pam, yams, ana, zach, rod, robert, and literally anyone i love alot 

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

who knows man just keep your nasty ass Ouija boards away from me I don’t wanna deal with it

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

who knows cause I can’t afford my fashion taste

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

Inception, Starwars, The Martian, The Book of Life, Moana, HP, idk i like movies a lot 

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

a memory that has always stayed with me very vividly was when i almost chopped off my finger however I wouldn’t call it a treasured memory

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

Emilia Clarke HUULLLLLLOOOOOO

#ask me stuff #anonymous #i died answering this #help

[habibialkaysani]

okay, let me preface this with a little note about my identity. I am a queer, mentally ill muslim british cis woman of colour. specifically, I was born in britain and my parents both hail from bangladesh. I am not white or black or latinx. so my opinions will - understandably, I hope - be from the perspective I am offering based on the intersecting parts of my identity.

so, let’s start with that. as a nonblack woc, I think it’s pretty patronising to be told that you don’t have to be black to be a person of colour. I know that. I don’t need that explained to me when I am literally not even black to start with. nowhere in my post did I say a mixed race pairing requires a black person. of course it would be interracial if someone was latinx. rene/thea is interracial. so is cisco/caitlin, and amy/jake, and those are just off the top of my head. pairings involving asian people are also interracial - wally/linda, for instance, and lena/jack. and while not latinx myself, I am aware of the issues latinx people face, enough for me to know that of course they are people of colour. I never said that latinx people face the exact same struggles as black people. I know they don’t, although they do overlap at least insofar that they’re groups that deserve far better.

my focus on black people in this post, btw, was partly to address the antiblackness I see in my own racial community. but also, me making the focus on antiblackness in my post does nothing in and of itself to dismiss other poc or, as you’ve suggested, throw other poc under the bus.

and that brings me to my main point. as far as I was aware, for a character to be considered racial representation and thus a person of colour onscreen, I thought the person portraying that character had to be, at the very, very least, a person of colour also and preferably also at least the same race as the character purports to be.

let me put this another way. as a desi woman, I would not have considered jack spheer to be desi if he was portrayed by a white actor who’s a bit tanned, calls himself bengali onscreen and calls his mother “amma” and, idk, eats rice and curry every day, and thus I would not consider him bengali representation because he was whitewashed. I was under the impression that a similar logic could be applied here, because, yes, maggie calls herself nonwhite and andrew kreisberg called her latina and she spoke spanish to her father, but floriana lima is still white. if you personally feel like whitewashed representation counts as representation, fine. but to me, sanvers is just another white wlw ship that the racist white non straight fandom flocked to because god forbid they give an interracial ship, irrespective of genders, a chance. I listed it because I was trying to make that very point - and, absolutely, if maggie were portrayed by an actual latinx actress, I would never suggest that sanvers is the same representation wise as clexa, wayhaught, cophine, avalance, etc., because there would be a person of colour who could potentially make the pairing important and groundbreaking and different. but she’s not. floriana is white. chyler is white.

now, I don’t know a lot of latinx people on here, so I’m not sure what the general consensus is on this. but I have seen latinx people speak out against maggie being whitewashed. at the same time, I fully acknowledge that I am not latinx myself, so if you think that representation that is so watered down and in your own words flawed is still adequate, fine. but put simply, me slighting maggie sawyer or sanvers with regards to racial representation isn’t me slighting latinx people at all. because maggie, to me, at least, and to a fair few others, isn’t truly latinx when she is portrayed by a tanned white actress. just like an ~exotic-looking white woman does not desi representation make. *coughamyjacksoncough*

I feel like poc should be in solidarity with each other. and if I said anything against samantha arias, rosa diaz, amy santiago, cisco ramon, rene ramirez or any of the other latinx characters on tv who are genuinely portrayed by actual latinxs, I do apologise. but in this instance, I can’t in good conscience consider maggie a woman of colour when the actress portraying her is white and she is clearly whitewashed, and therefore, I don’t see sanvers as a truly interracial relationship when they clearly are not in reality.

fandom racism is a huge problem, I agree. but you pointing this out doesn’t help. in this instance, I’m pretty sure it was supergirl and floriana lima who whitewashed a character who was meant to be a woc, not the fandom. the fandom whitewashing actual poc played by poc is what you should be calling out - zari tomaz, for instance, is often whitewashed in edits, and people assume sameen shaw is white even though she’s persian. people lauding chyler leigh and caity lotz, two straight white women, for being lgbt ~allies when maisie richardson sellers and keiynan lonsdale, two non-straight black people, are right there being as straight and white as a rainbow, is fandom racism. the 100 fandom practically starting a riot over a fridged white lesbian who wore brownface and a bindi and then staying radio silent or, worse, defending poussey washington’s death is what you call fandom racism.

I get that you mean well, but I did not say anywhere in my post that I felt nonblack poc were in any way less important than black people. me focusing on one race of people in no way diminishes the importance of other (nonwhite) races. if you truly consider maggie sawyer a woman of colour, good for you. I don’t, and I won’t until they decide to recast her with an actual latinx person (which is highly unlikely). so please don’t assume all other poc share your view, and don’t label my behaviour as ignorant or careless. 

- same anon as before, that's understanable. and i'm sorry for the racism that you do get. i'm glad you're able to just ignore it, and that most people respect you. (and for the a*dena,l*xa,s*ra thing) that makes sense. i like them all as characters. but the fandom saying that l*xa is wearing the helm of awe? (not sure if that's what they call it, but it is a bindi, that's just awful. s*ra being shipped with only white women, makes sense. i haven't watched lot for awhile. - p1

p2. but i did hear about the fandom shipping her with “new” character called a*ya? ev*? i’m not sure. and i was a bit confused, if they had like 5 lines together. (if ev*) now that i think about it, she is white right?

yeah, her name is ava, and they’re clearly building up to it and that’s - whatever, but just. five white women and one fleeting poc (leonard) and one woc who isn’t even mentioned by name this season does not diversity make. 

it’s sad that that more subtle racism exists, but what’s sadder is that fandoms on the whole don’t want to admit that it’s a thing and that we’re complicit in that racism. and I say “we” because I’m guilty of it too. I remember when I was watching poi and I was for some reason reluctant to ship carter with reese. just like how I was initially reluctant to ship sara with jax romantically. even tho in both cases the ships had wonderful dynamics. I’m not saying that everyone who brotps them is racist. but this refusal to view black people as love interests for white people is definitely a worrying trend - look at finn in star wars, for example, or even iris west with barry allen and to some extent amaya jiwe with nate heywood. it’s this less blatant racism that most if not the vast majority of us are guilty of to some degree that I think we need to recognise in ourselves and try to do better with. and that doesn’t mean you can’t ship sara with ava, or kara with lena or cat, or, hell, even maggie with alex, but I just think we also have to recognise that that racist bias exists and is a real thing, and, I don’t know, just try to do better by taking a step back and seeing where that racism inherent in all of us is manifesting itself.

#also #if you want a queer latinx #you do realise rosa diaz is right there right? #portrayed by a latinx bisexual woman of colour #stephanie beatriz #now if I slighted her then you would have a point about throwing poc under the bus #because she counts #maggie doesn't #it's that simple to me #I respect that it isn't for everyone though #and we can differ in opinion #stan maggie all you want #just don't expect me to #okay there will be a lot of tags here #long post for ts #me.txt #replies #wank for ts #fandom wank #negativity for ts #anti floriana lima #anti supergirl #racism tw