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xjulixred45x · 6 months

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Satoru Gojo/Suguru Geto x Carrie White like-Reader

Genre: long Headcanons/Drabbles

Reader: female

Warnings: LONG POST, Reader has a Personalilty and background like Carrie White (of Stephen King) so, is very shy, quiet, kind but has traumas with BULLYING, ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD, ABUSIVE MOTHER, Religion themes, ,etc. Reader has telekinesis/mental Powers, Angst/comfort, Fluff. The mother of reader may or may not die horribly

Hope You enjoy! Specially @thecuriousquest and @trancylovecraft

Satoru Gojo

Regardless of whether he met you at Jujutsu Tech or when he graduated, he definitely noticed that something about you was unusual, not in a bad way, but that something was wrong... You were very withdrawn and shy, but being only a group of 4 students (if you met him at school), you would have to open up, but it was something very complicated to do. Gojo being Gojo tried to get you out of your shell by telling you funny things, welcoming you to the group along with Geto and Shoko, erc. When he noticed that you didn't even eat at school, he even offered you some of his own, which you denied until there was simply no point in going against him and you ate more. Satoru found you endearing in a way. But he definitely noticed more worrying things. for example, when you had your first period at school. god, the way you were SO SCARED and disturbed definitely left an impression on him, you didn't even know what period was! What kind of parents don't explain this to their daughter!? and it wasn't even the worst. You were scared that your mother (? You were crying so hard that he barely heard you) was going to punish you.... WHAT!?!

NOW, Satoru knew that you came from a non-sorcerer background, and yes, he can understand the fear of punishment for using your powers (which are fucking cool) without responsibility -- but a punishment for having your period? And on top of that you saw all this as a divine punishment for disobeying your mother... Gojo was definitely much more attentive to your family environment after that. something smelled VERY bad with your family. Sure, understand that most Non-Sorcerers don't believe in curses and maybe that would be your case, but this...wasn't looking good. Apart from the fact that he tried to cheer you up after that incident, whether it was helping you train, making comments that he knew would make you happy (he loves to see you smile, he wants you to do it more often), inviting you to the outings he had with Geto and Shoko , etc. Although he definitely got a little scared when you used your Ritual Technique, the way you went into a catatonic state and became an unstoppable force of destruction was a HUGE change from your normal self.

He was always able to calm you down when your technique was too much to handle. And besides, he was very useful, he made sure you knew that. and above all, that was REALLY a blessing. I think that when things get more serious he will directly ask you to go live in the academy dormitories or, of course, his house. He doesn't trust your mother in the slightest, and the feeling is mutual. He only met her ONCE and he absolutely despised her, but he tried to be "respectful" because despite everything, you love your mother. Although she did not return the favor. She was crazy, always talking to you like you were a plague. Let's say he was this 🤏close to doing something he would later regret (or not). It left him upset, tired, slightly homicidal and with an immediate desire to hug you for having to deal with this woman your entire life.

someone makes fun of you? Gojo will destroy them in seconds, either with a beating or simply leaving their pride in the ground. If we talk about more advanced terms of relationship (and in the current time), Gojo can't stand seeing you see yourself as someone "contaminated" (in any case for him, you are only contaminated with bad thoughts about yourself that he will gladly destroy)

Gojo loves to pamper you, regardless of whether it's with pampering or material gifts, although he likes the shy expressions you make when you receive either of the two much more, it just makes him want to give you a big hug because you're so adorable!

He likes the clothes you make for yourself, but he is definitely going to buy you QUALITY clothes that YOU WANT to wear, no matter how unconservative they are. Lots of nicknames, seriously, it seems like he always has a new one or a cheesy variation, especially if he sees that you're tired or had a bad day. He can always bring out his most joking side, yes, but knowing your context, he is more interested in letting you know that he loves you. I can see him taking you to the psychologist sincerely, he tells the higher ups that it is because of the connection of your mental state with your ritual technique, but he really doesn't want to have to see you as you were in your youth, mainly. (that and he'll probably send your mother to a mental institution or, with luck, jail. You don't have to worry about that, Gojo already took care of it) He is quite patient with your nervous breakdowns as a result of your upbringing and your skills, there are times when you accidentally break something and due to anguish your powers end up getting out of control, breaking more things. and you end up reduced to a mess of apologies and tears. It breaks his heart to see what THAT WITCH your mother put you through. He makes sure you didn't hurt yourself trying to fix it and assures you that he's fine, he has a lot of money, he didn't like those dishes to begin with, he can always buy another one, things like that so you understand that he doesn't care about that. In any case, he only cares about you, and your well-being.

He makes sure to take you to Dr. Shoko every time you have a mission where you used your powers, he's afraid you might have a brain hemorrhage if you push yourself too hard. He may even buy you candy to do the same thing he did at the beginning, stimulate his brain. If it accidentally makes you a sweet tooth, it will probably just make him buy more from you (again, you're too cute when you look all comfortable and happy). VERY PROTECTIVE, he knows very well what your triggers are, so he evades them as if it were the black plague. And God forbid the higher ups want to use you as a weapon, Gojo will give them the scare of their lives. only to then have a cuddle session with you when he get home. In general, very protective and loving towards you, he will not allow you to be hurt or harmed, and he will compensate for all the time without love that you have had to endure by giving you very high doses of care, patience and of course, love.

Suguru Geto

He probably meet you in Jujustu Tech.

Similarly to Gojo, he could tell that you probably didn't come from a good background, but he was more subtle about it and tried to approach you in small but sure steps. That's how he found out that you came from a family of Non-Sorcerers. okay, it makes sense now that you have so little knowledge of the world of Jujustu, he understands it well coming from a family like that himself. Although of course, he could notice very quickly that unlike him, you did not have a good relationship with your family, or rather, you were very afraid of them. It was quite noticeable in his eyes due to your nervous and quiet nature. If an incident like your period occurs, he is definitely the one who try to calm you down and console you the most, assuring you that no, it is not a divine punishment, it is something normal, and that no, he is not angry with you, everything is fine. He want to give your family the benefit of the doubt at first and think that since you come from an EXTREMELY religious home and you just had your period in your junior year (17-18 years old) your family probably didn't see the need to tell you. It's a strange excuse, especially when he sees the pure fear you had when they mentioned the possibility of calling your mother. He prefers you to say it yourself, but Geto definitely thinks (knows) that you come from a bad background. so he try to make you stay on Jujustu tech as much as possible. He tries to help you adapt to both Jujustu's world and his companions, whether it's bridging conversations, helping you with homework, just as Gojo can ask you out as a group, etc.

Did you see that Carrie in some adaptations floats with her powers? imagine doing that with Geto! either make your classmates float with your powers or float yourself, flying near the school with Suguru nearby with one of his curses in case you fall. He is much more comfortable with that carefree and calm expression on your face instead of the constant nerves. and he is quite shocked when he sees you using your powers in fights, the brutality, the anger behind all that power, surprised him, but more like a fascination than anything else. You are blessed with your powers, he can see it, but unfortunately Non-Sorcerers don't see it that way. ESPECIALLY your mother.

At first, Suguru is subtle with his dislike for your mother, again, try to give her the benefit of the doubt, but if he gets to know her sincerely it will only make him go from dislike to TOTAL DISGUST for the woman. If he sees how she treats you, GOD HELP HER, he's going to scare her to death with his curses and tell her directly NOT to lay a hand on you. and then they'll probably go eat something with you (he might even go visit his parents, out of nowhere he feels kind of grateful that AT LEAST they're not like your mom)

You are linked more by your similar (but very different) origins. a lot of compliments, and he always ALWAYS manages to make you smile (he tried to make a double meaning joke ONCE and it took you an hour to understand it on your own, you turned out like an adorable tomato! so now he says from time to time one to see Your reacction). Also be very careful that you do not use your powers excessively, no matter how fascinating they are, know that there can be SERIOUS consequences if you do not limit their use. If we talk about the most current times (when Geto becomes corrupted) chances are that you have also finally reached your breaking point (like the dance scene in the movie, only change you don't die!) (BRO, IMAGINE IF YOUR MOTHER WAS PART OF THE TENGEN CULT AND THEY WERE THE ONE'S WHO YOU TOOK OUT ALL THE YEARS OF ABUSE, IT WOULD BE EPIC bonus Geto just fell in love for the second time)

Speaking of more advanced terms of relationship, Geto is very determined that the ideas your mother put in your head disappear completely, but precisely by putting you in a position of power (the power you never had before). He wants to help you by giving you a sense of control and security. Mimiko and Nanako adore you, you and they have SO much in common that it's normal for them to see you in a similar light to Geto (it would be an absolute BONUS if you were on the mission where Geto saved them, again, super epic). Did you see that Carrie in the movies can even read minds? You and Geto will probably use this to your advantage to select Monkeys with a lot of money (and if you discover that they are lying, Geto will kill them right away, while he has you on his lap cuddling you :3). Similarly to Gojo, you are very spoiled, although with some differences.

Compliments are still Suguru's main love language, but he's also a very physical person, wanting to keep you around almost all the time (except maybe when he kills monkeys, knowing that you still feel kind of bad about it) so there's also a lot of PDA between you, hugs, kisses, cuddles, headpats, etc. Geto really can't get enough.

Someone makes fun of You? Well, not anymore:)

He becomes especially cuddly when you're tired from using your powers and you cling to him, you're too cute. If you still have some kind of nervous breakdown because of your upbringing, Geto and the twins will most likely do a ✨cuddle pudle✨ while they calm you down.

If you somehow don't kill your mother, worry not, Geto will do it for You:) He is also willing to get rid of anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable (if that person is a Non-Sorcerer it is a plus). going👏shopping👏 especially with Mimiko and Nanako, it's like an almost "normal" family activity. Speaking of, the family respects you a lot (you can bet that some of them even have a certain crush on you, but they don't say it out of respect for Geto). Similarly to Gojo, he really likes to buy you things that he thinks you might like or would like to see you wear, traditional and fine clothing, sweet food, if you have a favorite hobby you probably have special materials, etc.

mortally protective, although he includes you in his plans, at the first sign that something is wrong he will go straight to protect you (or kill whatever endangers you). and he has a lot of experience with your situation, so he is the king of comfort. GOD FORGET THE SORCERERS TO COME FOR YOU, he may be making exceptions to his rule-- Overall, he loves you more than anything, he will make sure to take good care of you and give you all the love, appreciation and luxury that you deserve.

Shares, reglogs, and comments are very welcome!

Soon i will make a Platonic versión!! Love ya❤️

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worksby-gabriella · 2 years

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Overbearing, Protective, Dick Head Older Brothers

Pairin: Eddie Munson x Harrington!reader

Summary: Y/N is Steve's younger sister, and dating Eddie Munson. She believes to have been hiding her and Eddie's relationship well but that's obviously not true. It seems to her all her close friends know besides her older brother... until he eventually does.

Warning: cursing, talk of religion, terrible title, bad summarizing 😬 I think that's it.

fem!reader

Request for: @floralentry

“Okay, so I was thinking.” I start to say as I walk next to Eddie on our way to the cafeteria.

“Oh, well that’s never good.”

I laugh with non-existent humor, “Very funny, asshole.”

As the cafeteria starts to come into view, I feel Eddie rest his hand on my lower back and nuzzle his face into my neck, or at least try to before I gently push him off.

“Eddie, not here.” I say giggling.

“Why? I don’t know about you, Y/N, but I don't see any over-bearing, protective, dick head, older brothers around.” He pretends to glance around as he starts to open the cafeteria door for me.

“Hey, don’t say that! He just cares, is all, maybe a little too much but it’s still something. And you’re right, Steve isn’t around but someone might tell him.”

“Oh yeah? Like who?” We’re entering the lunch line, when I start to get cautious of who’s around.

“I feel like you’ve forgotten no one knows about us, Eds. And even if they did Mike, Lucas, Dusty, Max, and Robin could still snitch. Remember he used to be King Steve? You’d be surprised whose loyalty still stands.” I lower my voice just slightly, and add dramatic air quotes to the words, “King Steve.”

“Come 'on do you honestly think they don’t already know? If there’s one thing, I’ve learned this past year it’s that those kids aren’t stupid. I mean, it’s not like they would rat us out even if they did know.”

I grab my lunch tray and look behind me to see Eddie following me as I walk over to a lunch table that Mike, Lucas, Dustin, and Max are occupying. Robin is usually also at the table; some people might find it a little weird that seniors sit with some dorky freshmen at lunch but after about a month we got used to the stares.

“Why is it that you don’t want Steve to know again?” Eddie starts to walk a step ahead of me, and turns toward me, walking backwards.

“First of all, you’re going to trip. Second of all, he’s been through a lot, he’s got a ton on his mind, and lastly, you guys aren't exactly two peas in a pod.”

“Bullshit! You’ve been through a lot too. Listen, Harrington’s a big boy I’m sure he can handle some surprising news.”

I pull out a chair next to Max with my foot and Eddie sits next to me, “We’ll talk about it later.” I tell him.

I see Eddie glance around the table, which causes me to also glance at our friends around us. I find myself turning to see them already looking at me, and well, Eddie.

I smile awkwardly and try to search for something to say to distract them from me and Eddie, when I catch a glimpse of Robin walking with her lunch tray. I wave my hand at her so she can see where we are sitting.

They all break their focus from me and Eddie when Robin, she plops down across from me, “You guys won't believe the day I’ve had!”

Robin starts ranting, and I try to open my can of coke, but I find myself struggling a bit.

“Fuck.” I’m getting frustrated when Eddie pulls the can from my hand and pops it open the first try.

“Language, sweetheart.” He says, handing me my soda and winking at me.

I push my tray a little bit forward since I have no plans on eating any of it and open my backpack.

“So, you never told me what you were thinking about.” Eddie’s voice is hushed and his mouth is slightly tilted to my ear.

“hmph, yeah. I was thinking we should go see a drive-in movie for our date tonight. I never would’ve thought about it but Nancy was telling me about when she went with Johnathan before he moved.”

“Ah, I like that idea, Y/N. What movie would we be seeing?”

I finally found what I was looking for in my backpack, when I start explaining, “I was pretty set on watching Pretty in Pink, it came out a couple months ago but I never got the chance to see it-”

I pause mid-sentence and waver a sandwich bag with two chocolate chip cookies in front of Eddies face, “want one?”

He nods so I hand him one and continue on, “But they also have The Nightmare on Elm Street if you don't want to watch some girly chick flic.”

I watch as Eddie takes a glance over at everyone in the corner of his eye and smugly places his hand on my thigh. I freeze in place, still eating my cookie however, when Eddie says, "No, no, it’s all good. I’m fine with seeing Pretty in Pink.”

“Are you sure? I know how much you like Nightmare on Elm Street.” I tell him, raising my brows.

“I’m positive. Besides, as long as I’m with you, I don't care what we do.”

“You’re too sweet, Eds.”

In a matter of milliseconds, Eddie sweeps both of my legs over his lap, and uses his arm to pull me closer, putting his nose in my neck and pretending to smell me. I’m still sitting in my chair but Eddie’s hair is tickling me so I start to squeal and laugh, trying to push him away from my neck. I throw my head back giggling when Eddie finally stops and tells me, “Nope. That’s all you, Y/N.”

I’m catching my breath when I can practically feel eyes burning into my soul so I look up to see Mike, Dustin, Lucas, Max, and Robin staring at us. I straighten faster than I ever had, smoothing down my hair and dusting of my shirt. Eddie is looking down, with a shy smile on his face, pink is blooming all over his cheeks. I clear my throat when Robin starts, “Were you guys even listening?”

“Of cour-” I try to cover up our mess.

“Jesus!” Max is looking away, rubbing her temples with her hand.

“For Christ sakes! Get a room!”

“Could you be any more obvious!”

“Just friends, my ass.”

“It’s not what it looks like. We’re seriously, just friends.” I try to explain, desperately looking at Eddie.

“Uh yeah... Like we didn’t just hear you guys plan out your stupid cheesy date night.” Dustin states, giving us both an incredulous look.

And then I hear Mike burst out laughing, holding onto Lucas's shoulder for support, "As long as I'm with you my sweet baby." His voice is dropping a couple octaves as he mocks Eddie, pretending to coo in Lucas's ear.

I crumple up my napkin and hurdle it at Mikes head, as Eddie comes back at Mike and Dustin, "hey, hey, Mikey Man and Dusty Bun, don't be jealous just ‘cus your little Scarlet Witch and your Amish homesteader live states away from you."

As soon as I realize that Eddie has practically admitted our secret ardor, my eyes widen as big as saucers, “Eddie!”

The table starts to chuckle as Mike and Dustin look away rolling their eyes and Dustin says, “She’s Mormon you idiot.”

"Aw, you guys. I actually think they're really cute. It’s adorable really.” Robin is smiling from ear to ear.

“Ha well, you have to hand it to us, we’ve been doing a pretty great job at hiding it.” I point out proudly.

Everyone besides Eddie goes into a fit of laughter, “Uh- What?” I’m completely oblivious to whatever it is that I said to make them laugh.

Max stops, trying to catch her breath, “Ha, you can’t honestly think that we didn’t know about you guys.”

Eddie raises his brows at me as if to say, “I told you so,” My jaw falls open as I ask, “How long have you guys known?”

Mike rolls his eyes, “Please we’ve all known since the week after spring break.”

“Uh- you’ve got to be kidding me. That’s what when we started dating.” I say, finding this unbelievable.

Dustin and Lucas scoffs, “yeah, we know.”

Eddie rubs his hand up and down my thigh, in a much more innocent manner than before, trying to give me a piece of solace. I didn’t think to mention Steve because no one else did. I mean they’re not stupid, it isn’t like they would’ve told Steve either way, right?

“Have fun on your date tonight though.” Lucas says right when the bell rings.

Me and Eddie are the first to get up, and as we’re turning our back to them, we hear Mike, Dustin, and Max start moaning in a high-pitched manner, “oh ah oh, Eddie. Oh my god, Eddie!”

I whip my head around so fast, in time to see Robin chuck her soda can at them, “Hey! Shut up you little pervs!”

I hide my face in Eddies, neck groaning in embarrassment, and he seems to find this amusing because he just chuckles.

“It isn’t funny, Eds.” I give him a light shove on the chest.

“Sure, it isn’t, sweetheart.” Eddie tells me, pressing his lips to my forehead.

I give Eddie a quick goodbye kiss on the lips and open the passenger side door to his van, as we had just gotten back from our date, and he was dropping me off at my house. I was fulling expecting Eddie to stay in his van and watch me walk to the front door and then drive away, so when he also gets out of the van, I give him a questioning look, “What’re you doing?”

“Can I come in?” He asks me, I figured he’s asking because it’s quite late and my parents are home. Steve was probably asleep or out anyway.

I grab his wrist to look at his watch, to see it’s about to be eleven, so I nod and say, “Yeah, Steve is most likely sleeping or out with Robin. We’ll have to be quiet though.”

I’m jumbling with my keys at the front door, and finally open it only to see that the kitchen and living room light is on. I thought that maybe I felt the lights on so I continue leading Eddie to the living room. As we’re nearing the room, I hear laughter and snorting. The realization hits me that Steve is home and apparently has friends over.

“Fuck!” I whisper yell, pushing me and Eddie against the wall, where we can’t be seen.

“You’re really starting to take a liking to that word, Y/N.” Eddie tells me, smirking.

I roll my eyes at him, “Steve’s home.”

“Oh really? I thought it was the boogeyman. Who is he even with? It’s not like he has friends.”

I elbow him when I hear a familiar voice, “Man! You should’ve seen their faces when we told them that we knew!”

My eyes widen with horror as I turn to Eddie, still against the wall in the hall, “Shut up. It’s Dustin.”

I hear more familiar voices. Mike, Lucas, Dustin, Max and Robin are laughing while sixteen candles plays on the T.V.

“Who’s faces?” Steve asks them.

“Y/N’s and Eddie’s.” Max answers.

I can only imagine Steve’s confused, crooked smile as he asks, “W-Wait... What is it that you knew?”

“That they’re dating, dingus.” Robin answers.

“What?!? What do you mean that they’re dating, Robin?” Steve asks scoffing.

“I’m taking it that you didn't know...”

I grab ahold of Eddie’s hand and tug him after me as I try to silently walk back to the foyer and tip toe up the stairs but I see Steve round the corner, and stand there with his arms crossed. I swear he looks just like our dad that one night he caught me and Steve sneaking back into the house.

“Y/N get your ass down here right now! It’s too late, I already saw you.”

My shoulder’s slump in defeat and I’m practically pouting like a child as I walk back down the stairs, leaving Eddie on the steps.

I walk past Steve and into the living room as he stands, taking the stillness of a statue.

“You too Eddie.” He says in a stern voice.

I can see from the corner of my eye that he looks hesitant to do as Steve tells him but I just roll my eyes and motion with my head for him to follow me.

I do a once over at the little traitors in my living room and tilt my head so they know I was irritated with them.

“So.” Steve starts.

“What Steve?” I ask, my tone harsh and short.

“Hey. Don’t take that tone up with me young lady.” His finger is pointing down at me like a father scolding his angsty teen. I hear Lucas and Mike try to hold in their laughs behind me, I bet this is funny too them, seeing an eighteen-year-old get a stern talking too by her nineteen-year-old brother.

“God Steve, you’re not dad, you’re barely a year older than me. You act I’m seeing some forty-year-old, it’s just Eddie.” I say scoffing, motioning my hand to Eddie at that last part.

“Just Eddie? You've been lying to my face, to mom’s, to dad’s for almost two months now. You stay out late; I hardly see you on the weekends anymore. Don’t you see what he's doing to you? At first, I didn't understand, fuck, I didn’t even notice but now it’s perfectly clear. He’s not good for you, Y/N.” Steve says, his voice raising. I could almost swear I heard a crack in his voice.

I see Robin get up from the corner of my eye, motioning for the rest of them to follow her, they exit the room, and go to the kitchen. Eddie stays but tries to make it look like he's picking at his clothes. I feel bad because obviously he's in an awkward position right now.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. This is why I lied to you, because I knew you’d react badly. I knew you didn’t like Eddie, still, even after all he's done for Dustin and during Vecna. I have a boyfriend, Steve. So what? Am I not allowed to spend time with him? Why is it that I have to be at arm's length at all times? The only thing Eddie has ever done for me was be there. I’ve changed, for the better. Weren't you the one always telling me I should get out more, interact with people, experience things?” My voice matches Steve’s, going up multiple octaves.

“Why?” He asks.

“What do you mean?” I sound frustrated and it’s because I am.

“Why didn't you tell me? We tell each other everything, Y/N.” He’s rubbing his temples and I’m having a hard time deciphering what he’s making out of all of this.

“Steve... for one, I know you and Eddie had never been the best of friends, and I didn’t want you to worry. You’ve been through so much.” I tell him, grabbing at his hand.

Steve pulls me into a sudden hug, “Y/N, you’re my sister. My baby sister. I’m always gonna worry about you. You’re right, me and Eddie tolerate each other, but I don't hate him. All I want is for you to be safe and happy, you’ve been through so much too. If Eddie’s making you happy then I can deal.” He says into my hair.

I sniffle and blink away tears, “He does make me happy, Steve.”

Me and Steve jolt up when we hear a deep voice clear his throat, “Eddie.” Steve says, his voice and manner returning to normal.

“Ha. Steve...” Eddie says cautiously, a nervous smile on his face.

Steve reaches his hand out to Eddie and Eddie takes it, they pull closer together as Steve pats his back and says, “hurt my sister Munson, and it’ll be the last things you do.”

“Steve.” I say laughing, shaking my head as Eddie walks over to me, “I wouldn't dream of it.”

We all start to walk over to the kitchen with everyone else.

“Oh, and by the way Steve, I’m not a baby, I’m eighteen.”

“Yeah? Well, you sure act like one.” Steve answers.

“Says the one getting all sappy back there.”

I feel Eddie’s hand slide off my shoulder and go to my lower back, resting right above my butt, he must have forgotten that my brother was behind us because he gets startled when Steve sternly says, “Hands, Munson.”

I laugh as Steve furrows his brows and Eddie laughs nervously once again when we enter the kitchen.

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mejomonster · 9 months

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Okay so I've been reading Red White and Royal Blue the novel and I'm thrilled to report it IS a different experience.

I saw the movie first? Phenomenal. On its own merit, as it's own experience, hands down best movie I saw this year. And definitely one of my fave romances I've seen (along with But I'm a Cheerleader).

This book? I can see already the impression that the movie simplified, softened, and changed some things in some areas. I think the movie, based on the 100 pages I've read so far of the book, changed enough that the movie does read as different characters In The Spirit and Themes of the book. Movie Alex is like book Alex, but almost another universe of him (like Guardian Zhao Yunlan in chinese drama versus book). Henry so far reads as similar in novel to movie, but movie did not have the time to do his traits with as much nuance. Which like. I think many movie differences were made for making a concise movie length story, a slightly more on the nose story to make the main points hit audiences strong enough to get understood clearly, and to of course emphasize more of the points the movie script aimed to emphasize and focus on in that limited time.

I'm reading the book now. And delighted to say Alex's family is handled with much more nuance. Also the book is fascinating in my experience as the first fictional novel I've ever read with so much clear real life applicable casual political references. I've seen biographies and nonfiction books do this on occasion, but it's fascinating seeing a fiction novel do it. I think it's a brave and higher risk writing choice as it's both individual to author and even more so using the political as a reflection of characters, drawing concrete lines by which to judge them in the sort of terrifying "this stuff effects people's lives" way real public figures get judged. Fitting in seeing Alex and June as Public figures, but also risking as a writer your characters No Longer conforming to the "everyday man" character everyone can project onto. Bella in Twilight has a lot of Mormon related cultural experiences bleeding into how she's written, but the author didn't make her overly Mormon with a church she belonged to and overt commentary on that religious view of the world in relation to say Vampires and marriage and sex. (There are books that do tho, I've read realistic fiction like The Poisonwood Bible about missionaries which very much heavily directly discussed real religions and those beliefs effecting people's personalities and actions in the story). It's interesting to see a Romance novel go for the specific at the risk of making those characters less easy to "project" onto. I prefer this choice, the same way Fingersmith by Sarah Waters is one of my favorite romances and those two fucked up women sure aren't "everyday" average joes you can project onto. This writing choice makes the points made in Red White and Royal Blue a lot more pointed qnd with a lot more to back them up. It's interesting seeing. The movie definitely toned down things in this regard (while still including more overt politics than I've seen in many romances except say But I'm a Cheerleader with its brazen condemnation of conversion camps). I can see how the movie flattened Ellen to make her a more likable less flawed person, because it's easier to sell a loving mom President in a movie under limited time to give her no Significant Flaws. But the book has time to hammer her stubbornness has destroyed personal things, at times clashes strongly with her son who turned out so much like her (and is partly why June does not click with mom the way Alex does), how moms choices and personality were not necessarily good for June and Alex at times, how Alex clearly learned to be a workaholic qnd avoid his personal pain by being stubborn like his mom. She's someone he admires, and someone he emulates both good and bad, and someone he's infuriated that has those stubborn workaholic realistic traits he's copied. But a movie doesn't have time for the good and the bad, the realism of the damage all parents in some ways cause even if unintentional, the realism of what going through divorce means for each partner and their kids. The movie doesn't divorce them, because it's easier to sell a married mom as a positive (like the book lol comments on). I get it.

Anyway more on Alex's family. I deeply appreciate they're flawed and realistic in the book. In the movie, in its own interesting way I found it interesting to watch Alex (raised primarily with secure attachments and open loving secure support from both parents Together) with Henry who did NOT have the same emotional relationships foundation from family (only his Sister being a Safe Enough relationship to trust to emotionally rely on). Versus now the book, seeing they actually both can bond over these imperfect situations of their families. Which in its way, is realistic to many people who've found love. It gives them more to see understanding with each other in. And in Alex's case in the book in particular, his background details give us more about who he is qnd what drives him. The movie had to simplify those elements of him qnd Harry outside romance in order to tell a timely romance story. The book has more space for those individual character stories of trauma and pain and growth and connection.

#lb #red white and royal blue

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n4talia-chaparro · 6 months

Text

THE WHOLE THING IS COMPLETE NOW LETS GOOO

And remember I'll be explaining half of it except for the "trauma" part (wont go very deep into it unless you want me to-) because you guys are so sensitive that you can't even handle a damn topic properly instead of learning of how to read a warning instead of ignoring it! So yeah if you get sensitive and stuff. NOT my responsibility, cry about it bozo.

Side note: the "trauma" explanation is ALSO on the document so I won't be mentioning that to avoid drama or controversy.

Unless I can mention a few things like the word "bruises" or something like that. so hopefully this doesn't cause drama in the fandom.

So anyway TW for POORLY GRAMMAR, CA, religion, some yucky theme, etc.

You have been warned-

Before I explain it I would like to inform you that this timeline or "past" was inspired by a random episode from the 1st season were explains why Krupp has always been a "grumpy bully" and reveals his "mother" and her real name.

So instead of a grumpy bully this version is way different compared with the original episode from the show.

Not to mention this timeline is heavily inspired by Bojack Horseman and Moral Orel. and a little inspired by the GS au, a silly and interesting au created by warrior of waistbands/hey-hey "J" (Ps. Check out their au and artwork. They are cool ^^)

Don't want them to block me if they find out I enjoy their artwork and find out about my stuff as well just like the creator of the sticky note au did for no apparent reason :((

Gp's Childhood (?)

Pretty sure you are confused and asking yourself what happened or how did this happen before Gp!krupp himself became a villain in this AU. Well allowed me to explain.

Ben was a regular kid who lived in a place that was kinda similar to a farm. Sorta. Just like the other kids, he was just normal except he didn't have a good and healthy relationship with his family after what happened.

When Ben was 7-8 years old he would always hear and watch his parents argue and fight over things. Meanwhile Jasper was 0-1 months old which sadly he didn't remember what his dad looks like back then.

A few days later Bernice and her husband got a divorce, the 1st reason was because Bernice was toxic and would constantly almost hit him. She was also abusive towards him. Even if the husband wanted to visit his kids, Bernice refused to share the custody with him.

The other reason was because she didn't like the fact he was a jew. Bernice was raised by christians and her mother always told her that people who are in that religion could not be trusted. Because of that, she wanted a divorce over that. Again Ben and Jasper were too young and didn't understand the reason behind the divorce.

2 years later Benjamin turned 10 years old and is in 4th grade. However, his relationship with his mom was terrible. He thought that maybe she was stressed but he was wrong. Every time he wanted to talk his mom would yell and throw insults at Ben. Saying that she regretted having him and wished he had NEVER been born in the first place. Bernice would also say that it's his fault that she didn't have time to get an abortion

Of course, the little buddy was hurt by it as maybe his hatred toward Bernice was slowing growing back then.

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September 3, ????: Ben had a bad time trusting people, especially Bernice. His mom kept on judging and yelling at him for not being good enough. Bernice would always compare him with her husband, saying he is just like HIM and he will never be good enough.

Bernice also gaslights and manipulates the child, especially guilt-tripping him to the point Ben can't even focus on his schoolwork.

Until that day she decided to sign him up to a church without thinking. She could've asked Ben for permission but instead, she decided to sign it and say it was for the "best". Ben didn't like going in there but unfortunately, Bernice had to guilt-trip the child again and say she will send hurt him if he disobeyed.

The place was called "The Valley Church Sidney Piqua", also known as "Valley Church" for short.

Bernice thought that place was fun for her son since a friend of hers suggested her sign him up there so he can spend time with other children.

Which gone wrong uh-

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Ben hated that place so much, he didn't like people, and he hates being recorded or watched by the nuns. He hates the fact his mom is shoving those in his throat. Before that "activity" started he met the priest, Levi Smith. One of his mom's friends (well future husband I suppose? Like lovers or whatever). The man himself was glad to see the child in person and introduced himself. Again Ben (gp) didn't like the place. He wasn't interested. He just wanted to finish his work.

Days and weeks passed and Benjamin was slowly feeling like the priest was like a father to him.

No matter how much he despises Levi, the man makes him less comfortable. The problem he had with the man was that he kept staring at him nonstop. It's always the unwanted and uncomfortable touch and unnecessary questions. He thought it was how christians treat others and thought it was stupid. But sadly things got worse when Levi encouraged him to follow him to his office to have a "serious conversation" and...

I'll let you guys guess. Not gonna reveal it at all. (OR should I???)

After the experience

He has stopped talking to his mom to avoid being stared at and judged by her as usual. It was pretty painful for him to hold it.

He didn't know if he needed to go to a hospital or not. Still didn't know if he was gonna diagnosed with something worse like a disorder or an infection after THAT.

4-5 days passed (September 8th) and he started to behave differently. He couldn't concentrate or focus. Everything that surrounds him scares him. The cross, the kindergarteners, everything reminds him of the priest and those people. it haunts him.

According to his History teacher, Ben gets easily triggered and hides under the damn table. Others say the little buddy responds aggressively when someone touches or speaks to him

The principal and the teacher tried their best to have a meeting with Bernice about her son's new behavior. Bernice, being sarcastic and unaware, said that's him being a little scumbag for attention but the principal didn't agree with that statement and tried to convince her to visit a therapist for the kid. Unfortunately, Bernice refuses to do that because she doesn't wanna go broke and waste money on something that Ben "doesn't" need and he seems normal to her.

She then asked herself why the fuck would he need that if he's very normal? Maybe he's been a little bastard- nah not really. Her goofy cowgirl egg-shaped ass was still unaware. Maybe Ben was being dramatic and problematic after finding out about the divorce between her and the father.

After the meeting Bernice was pissed off. She didn't wanna waste her time having another conversation with a staff over the same topic. She was sick and tired of receiving concerning and worrying comments from the teacher when it comes to Ben.

Bernice had a enough that ended up doing the worst thing. Harming the living shit out of Ben as a punishment. She didn't care if it's physical or not.

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Day 9 (September 17): sadly no positive changes. Still the same. Well.. except for his hatred towards Bernice. It grew more than last month plus his trauma making it more than "little".

(Keep in mind He is STILL 10 and will be 11 next year) things were hard. Still can't focus on schoolwork or chores. He even had to babysit Jasper for his mom every Sunday when she went to church. Well just to visit her belove Mr. Smith /j

The day gets worse as usual. Yeah like always. Ben was aware that soon his school would have a Halloween party but he didn't want to know what would happen if SHE found out about it.

After babysitting Jasper, he felt stressed. His mom came at 6PM when she promised she would be at 10 AM. I guess she lied.

Bernice was only giving him a dead stare. Not saying a word. That made Ben feel less secure. Not sure if what she's thinking of him now.

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September 18, ????: Things were the same, Ben acting strange and traumatized after what happened. He wasn't in the mood to be with people and wanted to be alone.

He felt gross. He feels dirty. He feels disgusting and nasty. He didn't know how to feel after that. Ben wished he never met HIM or at least defend himself but it was too late to do that. he wanna forget the things he experienced

He hates his body so much. He hates seeing bruises and bite marks all over his body and neck. He hates it so much. Later that day he finally met someone who will always make him happy for the first time.

Theodore (ted), the new student.

That day was odd but special. He didn't like the kid that much, Theodore seemed annoying to him but hey! It was slowly making Ben less happy that someone like Ted understood him but still didn't trust him that much.

Weeks passed and they know each other perfectly and became friends. Even tho Ted was a friend to him, he was slowly developing an attraction toward Theodore. He didn't wanna confess it yet, he was worried his mom would find out and scold him for it.

He didn't know how to feel. Yet he does feel a bit clingy towards him sometimes.

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October 31st: it was a cold night, it was Halloween. Ben was getting ready to go outside like the others, he went downstairs to see if dinner was ready but LMFAO. I guess things can get worse

The priest was in the kitchen along with Bernice. He didn't say a word. Only staring at the priest with disgust and hatred after what he has done to him. To make it work Jasper was with them. His brother was 2 months old (sorta???) and seeing him next to the priest made Ben sick in the stomach. Bernice wanted Ben to upstand what was best for him but he immediately left the house without eating, not wanting to listen to her excuses.

He was now walking outside. He didn't understand how his mom was unaware of what Levi did. But decided to go trick-or-treating to forget about it.

Few hours later: The stressed and overwhelmed boy was still walking around to find candies in a different direction until he saw the church. That was the place where his mom signed him.

Just by looking at it, the place makes him grossed out and wishes that place and the priest never existed in the first place. Then he thought of a random idea, he remembered some random neighbor accidentally giving him a candle inside of a chocolate bar so he picked up the candle from the bag and grabbed the matches

Before he attempted to throw the candle at it, Ben was interrupted by a simple "Hello" from behind. Just

Theodore. Ben nervously blushed and didn't know he was there. Maybe he was waiting for him. Who knows. Ted was happy and said he was excited to see him again. He looked at the candle and asked him about it. Ben explained and Ted was confused yet not really aware what it means.

Soo..Ted grabbed his hand and ran with him with a smile to start their first adventure cuz why not?

Ben accidentally dropped the candle (which he put the fire on) to the ground, slowly burning the place by itself as the two boys ran away laughing to enjoy their night.

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Lucky for him, he was happy to be with Ted. Minutes later they both head to a random place to eat and sit somewhere-

And that's where Ben begins to confess his feelings to him and explains how much he likes him.

Then Ted understood that and confessed back. they both became a couple and dated.

They have been together for almost 2-3 years of happiness. Ted was like a missing puzzle and made his day happy. Without him and his warm comforting smile, he wouldn't be happy.

Sadly it didn't last forever because Bernice didn't like their relationship and tried to solve it by separating them :(

Past childhood relationships

Very sad honestly. Did we talk about his relationship with his mom right? Yeah, we did. But there are a few things I'd like to add.

Bernice: not only she's abusive and manipulative. She's also strict. Bernice would get easily pissed at Ben for having Bs something scolding him for not working hard. her to stop.

She throws tomatoes at him whenever he gets a B or for not being good enough- sometimes strangling him with a noose or leaving cigarette burn on his skin or using a branding iron at him. "Oopsie my bad I was joking lmfao lemme check it out-"

Had to make him milk the cows,,,, yes we have cows in this au,,,,wow. Idk how to feel about this.

Just like the episode except a little more... uh...hear me out 🗣🗣🗣 /JK JK

Jasper: the two-month-old brother YIPPE. silly babeh cuz Ben is the older brother

Whenever he's being watched by Ben, he acts like a little gremlin and makes a mess 24/7.

Even tho Ben's relationship with Jasper is just chaotic. Well stupid, he can't blame him, he is aware he is toddler so I don't get why it's necessary to yell at jasper- 💀

Present

Aw yes. The past is the past and we move on to the present now. we have the grown-ass Gp who is a principal and tries his best to focus and he has a different religion, Judaism.

Unfortunately, the childhood trauma still haunts him nowadays. His meds don't work that well and has a major anger issue, sorta. Like I mentioned in a very old post about Gp!Krupp, unlike the OG Netflix Krupp, he still has some sort of IQ since childhood and if we add the current IQ that he has after becoming a villain it's...well high?

Thanks to the smartychanger200, aka the invention that Melvin made and accidentally shot Krupp with, he managed to gain more intelligence...but you know...he then managed to get more by stealing Melvin's IQ and combining it with his uh...big fuckery but that's how it happened,,, uh- /Srs /gen

So, uh...after all, he is still a murderous principal, a walking red flag, I must say. The man himself cam get a little too silly, and should be careful if you interact with him 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️☝️🤓🤓

#cu tbgdotgp au #captain underpants au #LORE???? UHH GOD DAMNNN #gp!krupp

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n1ghtcrwler · 3 months

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Wait, have you told the story about the cult? I have no recollection.

I find it's more entertaining for myself and easier to handle if I make no effort to track what stories I have or have not told, so I have no idea. But I certainly can, thanks for asking!

It's unclear how it began, but at some point, my maternal great-grandmother decided she was the One True Prophet, the only person on Earth who heard directly from God. This meant she was also perfect in every way, and incapable of physical decay. She also decided men were, on the whole, only good for producing children and providing money, and should be kept in a lesser position to women and replaced whenever they become inconvenient to deal with.

These are the only tenets of her religion that seem to have been settled and maintained throughout her life. Everything else was sorted out on the fly; my dad loves to tell the story of one time when she, frail and in her 80s, dug a ditch on her property and responded to the resulting back pain by deciding that God must have been revealing to her that someone ELSE in the family was having back pain (because her body couldn't be weak enough to experience pain of its own, of course), and started calling her descendants one by one until someone said they were experiencing back pain and she promised to heal it.

Conveniently, she had mostly daughters, who went on to have mostly daughters. She raised these daughters to believe in her absolute authority as the living voice of God, and all interpersonal disputes within the family were arbitrated by her, usually in a manner that resulted in people holding very old grudges over slights that were never properly resolved. Most of the women in that family married men who would submit to great-grandma's authority and the authority of their wife, except my mom.

My mom's cousin, her grandson, was the first boy I know of born into that line, and he was absolutely raised to be submissive to his mother to the degree that he never married because the only girl he ever loved was not accepted by the family. I was the next boy born into the family. We were living with great-grandma in Alabama when I was born, and within two months of that event my dad got so sick of fighting with great-grandma about whether or not his opinions mattered that he declared he was moving back to PA, and I was going with him, with or without my mom. Mom ended up joining us, and once we were out of her immediate control, great-grandma started sending me letters that my mom would read to me, because that was what she was supposed to do. I don't know how long this went on until the day she wasn't available and my dad ended up being the one to open the letter. I don't know the content of that letter, but I know Dad believed it was a clear attempt at brainwashing, and was egregious enough that he threw the letter away and called great-grandma to inform her that she had no authority in his house and any further attempts to turn his family against him would be met with severe repercussions. We were promptly excommunicated.

My cousin Dave was the next boy born into the family. He lived a mile away from me, and his mom was incredibly close with my mom. So while she was out finding new boyfriends at local clubs, he and his younger sister spent at least half their nights at our house. Which means my cousins were being influenced more by my dad than their own mom on many issues. So when my dad got a phone call from my great-aunt telling him she didn't approve of the way he was raising her grandson, he pointed out that it wasn't his job to raise her grandson, but he would gladly adopt my cousins and raise them outside my great-grandma's influence if they wanted him to take that responsibility. My cousins did not stay at our house much after that, but Dave never really fell in line.

The last time I saw my great-grandma was at my aunt's third wedding. I think she's up to six now. I didn't bother to learn any of their names after the second, for the same reason we don't name chickens we plan to eat. Dave and I were hanging out at the reception and ended up by the table where she was sitting, so we said hi. She asked about a rumor she had heard that we were both in college. We confirmed that was true, to which she replied, "You need to get out of school before you end up going to Hell!" We said, "Okay cool, see you later grandma!" and slipped quickly away. When she died, leaving a massive power vacuum in the family and no one to hold everyone together, the family rapidly devolved into bickering factions defined by sixty years of unresolved and previously secret grudges. Dave and I kept our distance and largely missed the fallout. My mom's cousin managed to slip away to another part of the country and start a new life. I'm told there are still, twenty years later, cousins who are not on speaking terms. Since no one had the authority to take over great-grandma's position in the end, the family cult seems to have died out, though I'm sure we'll be seeing the consequences of it for generations. Well. Someone will. My engagement with that side of the family is basically limited to my mom and, on rare occasions, Dave these days.

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esperosisdoeswriting · 4 months

Text

Accursed, Chapter 1

Accursed lives rent free in my brain and has ever since I wrote it, I like to go back to it every once in a while and, when I did recently, I thought I myself “Yes Chapter 1 is good, but I’ve improved a ton since then (literally wrote an entire book lol) so I can do so much better now” as such I decided to rewrite the entire first Part/Chapter and I’m so much more happy with it now. Deffo gives the vibe I’m going for as-well as better incorporates a few plot elements and showcases personalities of our two main characters better. Overall, I like it quite a lot!

BE WARNED, Accursed deals with some very heavy topics and themes, please read the content warnings and be advised! This is a Supernatural/Psychological Horror with a child protagonist, so… yeah that should tell you a bit. BUT also keep in mind the main theme of Accursed is hope and overcoming adversity, so while there is darkness, there is no despair (if that makes sense)

Enjoy 2.5k words that turned into 7.2k words!

CW: Child Abuse (Minor), Threats of Violence against children, Referenced past violence against a child (There is no explicit violence against a child in this chapter), Religion (used somewhat as a coping mechanism), discussion of Suicide (and its relationship with Religion)

Tags: @sunflower-searching-light

The glass was shattered. Mom had broken it a while ago, delicate things never really lasted very long near her, or him, or anywhere. Lucas never really understood the

purpose in making things that broke so easily. If they could break they would, and then they were useless.

It didn’t really make sense to Lucas, but not a lot of things did.

Lucas stared more at the glass than his reflection in it as he sat on the bathroom counter. The soap was almost gone, he’d climbed on the counter to see if the cabinet with the mirror had any more in it, the cabinets below didn’t.

Lucas wasn’t quite sure how to open the mirrored cabinet, it didn’t have a handle like normal ones did. He didn’t ask mom, she was very tired lately and he didn’t want to upset her from having to see his face.

He looked at his reflection and wondered what it was about his face that caused so much pain and hardship. Mom hated seeing it, and anytime one of things that weren’t supposed to exist saw it they swarmed in and stuck to him like glue or a leech.

His face looked normal to him at least.

Two eyes, though he couldn’t see the right one since pieces of glass had fallen revealing the dark board underneath. He didn’t need to see it though, he knew it was the same light green as his left.

Dark cracks spiderwebbed across his pale skin, but when he touched his face he found it smooth and whole. His hair was short light brown, even though his mom’s was blonde. Maybe that was it, he had dad’s hair color and that’s why mom hated him and the things cursed him and tormented them both.

He always hated Dad, it made sense Mom would hate him for being related to the man.

Something moved in the darkness of the bathroom behind him and Lucas couldn’t be bothered to scream or cry or run away. It was tiring being scared all the time, so he just climbed down from the sink as the slinking creature followed him into his bedroom.

---------------------------

“Everything's going to be better now, you hear?” Mom told him as they drove too fast down the dark country road. “It was the city,” she hissed, “It was a- a- a cesspool of those monsters, those things. They grew and- and spawned in every darkened corner and dumpster filled with garbage. But not here baby! Not here! They can’t follow us out into good ol’ nature.”

Mom laughed as she petted Lucas’ hair, refusing to look at her as Lucas blankly stared out the window.

It wasn’t going to be any better. Lucas knew that the moment he saw the glowing yellow eyes staring at them from just beyond the tree line. He knew that the moment he heard the odd bump coming from the trunk of the van where something had crawled in. He knew it in the way Mom cried as she tried to reassure both of them.

He didn’t tell her it wasn’t going to get any better. But something told him that she knew it anyway as they finally arrived at the old cabin in the woods, far away from anyone that could hurt them.

Far away from anyone they could call to for help.

-----------------------

Mom was screaming down stairs again and hitting things, probably fighting the winged thing with mouths for eyes Lucas noticed nesting on top of the refrigerator earlier. He didn’t bother going down to help her. She could manage fine on her own and she was more likely to just start hitting him with the broom and screaming than she was to thank him.

Not like he could do much anyway.

Maybe, when he was older, he would be able to help Mom, when he was ten, or twelve, or sixteen. He could sit mom down, tell her it was all going to be okay while he took up the broom and caved the god-forsaken thing’s skull in. But he was eight, and his hands were small and the broom was too heavy.

He was useless really. Mom was right to hate him, it was his fault she was suffering like this.

Mom kept screaming as more bangs rang throughout the cabin.

Lucas felt the bed dip near him. He didn’t bother looking up.

“Lucas” the thing that had climbed in his window cooed to him. Lucas was fairly sure he’d closed it earlier, something must have opened it. Maybe he could get some kind of lock?

“Lucas,” the creature continued to hum as it slithered closer to him, finally coming to rest in the small space between Lucas’ back and the bedroom wall.

“What?” Lucas asked as he continued to read.

“Aren’t you tired Lucas?” the creature asked.

Lucas frowned at that as he finally looked up and over his shoulder at the creature, they didn’t usually talk this much. Just cooed and hummed and screamed his name while they tried to drag him away or tear him to pieces.

The thing was pale, its skin was white and sort of translucent, Lucas was fairly sure he could see whatever counted as muscles the thing had. It sort of reminded Lucas of a squid or that weird blobfish thing he’d seen on TV one time. It looked soft and sort of slimy, its seven eyes were beady and as pitch black as its side-ways mouth with rows of sharp, needle-like teeth.

Lucas’ frown deepened, not the weirdest or scariest looking monster he’d seen, but he really didn’t like how close it was. He didn’t want it getting slime all over him. “What do you mean? It’s the middle of the day.”

“No Lucas,” the creature whispered. “You don’t run anymore, you don’t scream or call out to your mother or even cry when you see us. You’re tired.”

Lucas turned back around to look at the book in his lap, “It’s exhausting. Not like it does anything anyway.”

“Yes Lucas,” the thing hummed in delight. “Don’t you want it to stop?”

“Obviously,” Lucas turned the page carefully, it was so thin the light from the window shown through it and the book itself was old. Lucas didn’t want to rip it.

“We can make it stop, you can make it stop. Don’t you want your mother to not have to suffer anymore?” the creature cooed into Lucas’ ear.

Lucas sat still, frozen for a moment, his hand still turning the page as silence fell between the both of them. His mom kept screaming downstairs.

“How?” Lucas asked as he finally resumed his movement and finished turning the page.

“Come with me Lucas, there's a place I can take you, and it’ll all be over.”

“Why do I have to go anywhere?” Lucas glanced back at the thing, “I just want you and your friends to stop coming here.”

“Because Lucas, you have to die,” the creature told him and Lucas tensed.

“Why?” Lucas scowled, “I thought you said you were going to stop and now you’re saying you’re going to kill me?”

“I’m sorry Lucas, but there is no way out of this where you live,” the creature spoke, its voice a mockery of sympathy. “You must die, but your mother will live. Your mother will be free and happy, don’t you want that Lucas? Neither of you will suffer anymore.”

Lucas brought his thumb up to his mouth and slotted his fingernail between his teeth, “ ‘Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator’, “ Lucas mumbled, “Peter 4:19.”

“What?’ the creature asked.

“S’the bible,” Lucas took his thumb from his mouth as he blankly stared at the floor ahead of him. He closed the book and lifted it to show the creature his worn copy of the Bible. He’d read it more times then he could count, it was one of the only things he had.

“...Right,” the creature nodded, “Do you believe in heaven?”

“I don’t know,” Lucas admitted, “It’s nice to think about. That after this I’ll get to go to heaven with Mom, and everything will be okay.”

“Then why don’t we take you there a bit sooner,” the creature hummed. “Why wait and suffer as you do? When you can go to that wonderful place now and wait for your mother to join you?”

“I don’t want to go to Hell,” Lucas admitted as he held his Bible.

“Why would you go to Hell?” the monster asked, “You are blameless and without sin in this situation. Besides, I doubt children go to hell.”

Lucas shook his head, “Babies go to hell all the time, that's what the Bible said. If i kill myself I’ll go to hell, besides I’m not even baptised.”

The creature seemed to flounder at that, “We… We can baptize you on the way?”

“But it won’t matter if I kill myself,” Lucas bit his finger nail again, “ ‘And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and though shalt glorify me.’ Psalm 50:15.”

“We’ll kill you Lucas,” the creature assured him, “that isn’t suicide.”

“Yes it is,” Lucas hunched in on himself, “Because I’ll be going with you willingly! If I go with you I’m willing! And if I’m willing it’s suicide and I’ll go to Hell!” Lucas gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to go to Hell. He really, really didn’t want to go to Hell. That was his worst nightmare. He wasn’t even sure if he believed Hell existed honestly, but even just the concept of it scared him so deeply he didn’t want to risk it, not even for a moment.

Because if this was what life was like, what was hell going to be like?

The creature fell silent at that and the sound of his mother’s struggles with the monster down stairs finally ended.

“We’ll give you some time to think about it Lucas, the offer is still on the table, if it ever becomes too much. We’ll make sure you are baptized on the way to your final resting place,” the creature finally replied.

Lucas didn’t look as it slithered out the window.

-----------------------

Mom was sick, she could barely get off the couch most days and Lucas was fairly sure she’d stopped trying. Lucas made his way over to her with the scrambled eggs, toast, and orange juice he’d put together. He was good at using the stove and hardly ever burned himself.

Mom glared at him as he handed her the tray, her gaze was distant and full of hate and disgust. Lucas tilted his head down, hoping maybe if she didn’t have to see his face as clearly she wouldn’t be as upset about it.

“You’re a curse Lucas,” she hissed as she stabbed the eggs too hard. “This is all your fault. None of this shit happened untill you were born.”

“I’m sorry mom,” Lucas told her as he worried the hem of his shirt.

That only seemed to make Mom more upset, “You’re sorry? You’re sorry?! What the hell does sorry do for me, huh? Will you being sorry make the monsters leave me alone?!”

“No,” Lucas wilted further.

“Then what use are you? Huh! Tell me what use you are!” Mom raged at him.

“I’m not,” Lucas stared at the ground, “I-”

“Get out of my face you god damn brat,” she hissed at him as she turned her attention back to her food.

Lucas quickly padded away from his mom and up the staircase, muttering to himself over and over “ ‘This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.’ Psalm 34:6.”

God did not hear him. God did not save him from his troubles.

Maybe God wasn’t real, or maybe Mom was right, and God had damned him after all.

-----------------

When Lucas walked down the stairs, ready to make Mom her breakfast, only to find her dead on the couch, he couldn’t even manage to find it in himself to be surprised. He didn’t know how she died, probably the illness, but at least her face looked peaceful.

She likely didn’t feel any pain, and that was something Lucas could feel grateful for.

“She’s in heaven now,” the same creature from before spoke from where it sat in the sliding glass doorway next to the couch with Mom’s body on it.

“If it exists,” Lucas agreed.

“Don’t you want to join her?” the creature asked.

“Yes.”

“Then come with me,” the creature extended one of its tentacles with its deformed and boneless hands at the end. “We can reunite you with your mother Lucas.”

Lucas looked at his mother’s peaceful face and shook his head, “If I go with you, I’ll never see her again.”

The creature sighed, “Then we’ll give you more time then. But don’t wait too long Lucas, starvation is an awful way to go.”

Lucas kept his eyes on his mother as the creature once more slithered out of his home. She was gone. Mom was dead and gone and maybe in heaven with God, if they existed. It was a nice thought, that there was a Heaven and a God that would make sure to deliver him from his troubles, that would ensure everything would be okay at the end. But Lucas wasn’t sure of anything, how could he be? He didn’t understand anything, not really.

There was only thing he was sure of, and that's that he couldn’t just leave Mom here, she deserved better than rotting on the couch.

It took the better part of an hour to find and drag the shovel from the rickety shed in the backyard and then use it to start digging the hole. Lucas was pretty sure he heard that graves needed to be six feet deep, but he wasn’t exactly sure how deep it was. He didn’t have a ruler, and he wasn’t sure where to find one, so he decided to just dig the hole a little deeper than he was tall.

It took hours as the sun crept along the sky and soon to be grave dirt coated his clothes and skin. The monsters didn’t help or hinder, just silently watched him from behind the trees and even one was perched on the roof, staring down at him. He ignored them, the shovel was too heavy to use as a weapon and there were a lot of them.

Lucas huffed and gasped and grunted and recited bible verses under his breath as he dug. It was exhausting, and by the end he was about ready to collapse from exertion as he sat at the edge of the shoddy grave, his feet dangling into the hole.

He liad back for a moment, catching his breath and staring absently into the bright blue sky, watching as puffy white clouds drifted by aimlessly. It felt weird. His mom was dead, and yet it was nice outside. Nice puffy clouds and bright blue sky, he’d seen the same clouds in those paintings with happy people at the beach or on a picnic or kissing in big dresses.

Today wasn’t a happy day, didn’t the world know his mom was dead?

Lucas didn’t understand anything, he knew it was probably because he was a very very stupid boy, but it didn’t change anything.

His legs were dangling in his mom’s grave and the world was happily chirping along. Maybe if he had gone with the monsters mom would be alive right now. But she isn’t. She’s dead, and there's no bringing her back.

Lucas wouldn’t want to even if he could.

He sat back up, there was nothing to do but sit back up really, and he carefully made his way back inside. He hesitated at the doorway, he was a mess, covered in dirt and roots and sweat. Mom would be upset if he made the house all messy.

Right. Mom’s dead.

He took his shoes off anyway.

As carefully as he could he pulled his mom off the couch and gasped as she tumbled to the floor in a heap. He winced as his hand fluttered about and a low whine escaped his throat.

“Ah, s-sorry mom, I just need to get you to your grave,” he fretted as he grabbed her arm and started to pull.

He was weak, but mom had wasted away long before she’d died. It took a long, long time of heaving and pulling and moving only tiny little bits, but he finally managed to pull her out of the house and to her final resting place.

He wished he was big and strong, he wished he could lower her into her grave properly, but all he could really manage was bracing his legs against the ground and pushing her with all his might until she rolled into the dirt hole he’d dug for her.

It was clumsy and far less than she deserved and Lucas knew he was a bad son for doing it and so many more things, but it was all he could offer her now.

Lucas stood on shaking legs at his mother’s corpse laid in the dirt. Lucas sucked in a breath and tried to stay strong, tried to be strong, tried to me anything beside the weak, useless thing he was. But as tears began to roll down his cheeks, too many and too large for him to wipe away he couldn’t help but cry out for his mother.

“Mom, I’m s-sorry,” Lucas wept, “I’m sorry I was bad, that I couldn’t be better. I tried, I really did! I know it’s not… I know it doesn't matter because it didn’t work, because I was still bad, but I love you. I love you so much and I hope you’re happy in heaven.”

Lucas ran inside and knew he was failing his mom once more by failing to properly put her to rest.

-------------------

The pale squid monster was right, starvation was really awful.

It had been around a month now since mom had died, her body laid properly to rest with a shabby bundle of tied sticks marking her grave. It was less than she deserved but Lucas didn’t know how to make a proper grave stone and he was too tired and weak to grab a big rock.

Everything hurt.

It hurt when he moved, it still hurt when he lied down and kept still. He’s been trying to ration his food out, that's what the people on TV did when they went camping. This was kinda like camping, right? Just instead of a tent he had the cabin and instead of a few days it was a few weeks.

It would be okay. He’d figure something out.

Anything less was suicide.

He knew the way back to town. Well, sort of. He knew the road that led away from the cabin would eventually lead him back to town since it was just the one road and there weren’t any splits or anything like that. So if he followed the road he’d get back to town.

That was something he figured out almost immediately, what he was stuck on was how he was going to actually get there.

He couldn’t drive and he couldn’t call anyone to come get him, mom had broken the spinny phone throwing it at a monster and the plastic had broken apart. That left walking which… Lucas really didn’t want to do.

The monsters had been surprisingly idle for the past month. Squid came by every day to ask if Lucas was ready to come with it yet, and everyday Lucas refused. Lucas didn’t really understand much but, if he was smarter, he might have said the thing was starting to look nervous, or at least an imitation of it.

Lucas could only guess that meant he was going to starve to death soon, but Lucas wasn’t sure why that made the squid nervous since it wanted him dead anyway, so what does the method or place matter?

Then again, Lucas didn’t really understand much of anything, so he was probably wrong.

But regardless, the monsters hadn’t really bothered him, just leaving him alone to slowly starve to death in peace, or what Lucas could count as peace.

Lucas got the distinct impression that leaving the house and starting along the road would very quickly end that peace however. The monsters’ soulless eyes stared at him from the treeline and Lucas knew that if he came close, they’d snatch him up and take him by force wherever Squid wanted him to go.

But he couldn’t do that, because if he willingly went over to them knowing they’d snatch him up, then it’d be just as bad as if he decided to go with Squid.

He just had… He just had to figure out how to get to town safely. Soon, preferably.

He was… He was really hungry.

----

Lucas watched as the sun finally set over the tops of the trees, the long shadows finally bridging the long gap of the backyard and reaching the back of the cabin. Lucas was nearly out of food, only a sparse few bags of chips and frozen bags of vegetables left, but that wasn’t what Lucas was worried about at the moment.

Squid had looked pleased this morning, smug even, if Lucas was interpreting it’s expressions right. He probably wasn’t, he wasn’t very smart and he didn’t really understand much. Lucas didn’t really understand why it was so pleased.

But then he saw it, and he understood.

What lurked beyond the trees, staring at the house since the late afternoon was by far the largest monster he’d ever seen. It was larger than mom’s van with pure white fur and red eyes that seemed to stare directly into Lucas’ soul even from the distance between them.

Lucas swallowed hard and hid the first time he saw it, making sure he wasn’t in sight of any of the windows as he trembled in terror.

Something about that thing was different to the rest, and that difference sparked the terror Lucas was so sure had long died back into an inferno. This thing wasn’t normal, not even by monster standards, that much was obvious just by looking at it. The way it moved, the way it stared, the way Lucas got the distinct feeling it was waiting patiently for… something.

That thing was smart.

Squid was able to fake being smart pretty well since it could talk, but it wasn’t really, Lucas got the feeling it was just being told what to say by something else. Then again, Lucas didn’t understand much, so he was probably wrong.

But the large White creature, with its wolf-like face and large clawed front arms, that thing Lucas knew deep down in his soul was actually smart, much smarter than he was.

It was going to take him away, and with its size Lucas would be powerless to stop it.

But he had to try, anything less would be suicide.

So as the shadows finally touched the house he retrieved his final defense from the kitchen cabinet.

Mom, when she was still mom, always wanted him not to play with fire. Fire was dangerous and could burn you badly, even kill you. Lucas had always kept her words in mind, he always kept everything his real mom told him in mind, and had been very careful with fire and the stove. He wanted to be a good son.

Now, he was going to be a very bad son.

He reached into the cabinet and pulled out the gasoline canister and match book he’d left in there when he’d found it two weeks ago. He wasn’t sure how well fire would do against that thing, but it was covered in fur, so Lucas figured it would at least slow the creature down, hopefully long enough for Lucas to escape.

If not, then, at least he tried.

Lucas peaked out the sliding glass door, making sure to hold the canister and matches out of sight of the glass.

The thing was walking across the backyard.

Lucas felt his heart pound in his chest as he practically jumped out of view. It was show time it seemed. Lucas backed away from the door, his eyes locked on the glass as he fumbled with the canister lid. He’d pour the gasoline on the carpet between them, then set it on fire, then he’d use the fire as a distraction and he’d climb out the kitchen window behind him.

He could- He could do this.

Lucas tensed as a large shadow loomed from behind the glassdoor and Lucas prepared himself for the glass to shatter. He’d need to be quick, the thing probably wasn’t very fast, but neither was Lucas.

But then, to Lucas' shock and mild horror, the glass door began to smoothly slide open as the creature used one massive claw to open the door. Lucas froze in shock as the large clawed hand, covered in white fur with four fingers and a thumb gingerly pressed down into the carpet before it, the creature's head following quickly after.

Surprise and confusion locked Lucas’ body in place as the figure’s form seemed to almost bend and contort in a way that looked almost natural as it shrunk in order to fit through the door, comfortably fitting in Lucas’ living room even as it towered over him. But what most confused Lucas and stopped him from acting was the expression on the things’ face.

Lucas imagined that the thing would be snarling and growling at him, or maybe smiling and cackling as it tormented Lucas and prevented his escape. But no, the thing’s face seemed completely calm, even neutral as its bright crimson eyes stared at Lucas, cold and calculating.

Lucas gripped his canister tighter as he shakily lifted it up in front of him, “D-Don’t move.”

The creature stopped moving, silently staring down at him, frozen in place as it sat in front of him.

Lucas trembled, “I… I’m going to, ah, I’m going to leave now. Don’t… Don’t follow me, or, or I’ll set you on fire!”

“That’s a good idea,” the creature hummed and Lucas felt his mind catch alight. The creature’s mouth didn’t move as it spoke, and yet he could hear the thing’s unnaturally deep voice echoing off the walls of his mind. Lucas felt his breath catch in his throat at the sound.

“The fire, that is,” it continued, “Fire is usually a safe bet for trying to kill something you don’t understand, it certainly helped out all the humans the first time.”

“The… first time?” Lucas asked.

The monster lifted its massive hand and waved it dismissively, “Don’t worry about it kid.”

“I- I said don’t move!” Lucas thrust the canister in front of him. The creature looked down at him, its eyebrows lifting in surprise for a second, before a smile tugged at its jaw, its massive hand hanging limply, frozen, in the air.

“You did, didn’t you, sorry about that,” the creature hummed, though Lucas felt like it didn’t sound very sorry.

“I’ll do it!” Lucas told him.

“Can you?” the creature tilted its head.

“Yes!”

The creature leaned for just a little, “Are you extremely sure you can manage it at this point?”

“I-” Lucas opened his mouth to insist that, yes, he could! And he would! But he was immediately cut off by a burst of movement to his right.

Faster than Lucas could even blink, the creature raised its left hand and brought it down on the couch next to Lucas, smashing it to pieces in an instant. Lucas gasped and cowered as wood and fabric and stuffing erupted from right next to him. His breath caught in his throat as he lifted his arms on instinct to try and protect his face and neck, gasoline splashing on the carpet, himself and a bit on the match box he held in his other hand.

He tensed, waiting for the pain of the impact, but it never came. He cracked open his eyes and looked to the couch, only to see a wall of pure white. His eyes looked back up to the creature and he saw that, while the creature had smashed the couch with his left hand, he’d put his left between Lucas and the destruction to shield him.

Lucas stared at the thing and its smiling face, his heart jack-rabbiting in his chest.

“You see,” the creature sighed as he gingerly brought his hands back down in front of him, resting all four limbs where before he’d been standing on his hind legs, its paws balancing it. “The smart part of your plan was the fire,” it continued.

“Fire actually would give me some trouble, not enough to really harm me in any meaningful way, but it would buy you a few seconds. Buuuut, you should have poured the gas while I was walking across the lawn, that way all you needed to do was light it when I got there. Pouring the gas takes way too long to do it when I’m this close. Tough luck kiddo.”

“A- Ah,” Lucas wilted.

“Now, gimmie the matches kid, you’ve got gas all over them, if you light them now you’ll just set yourself on fire. Which I assume isn’t something you want to do,” the creature hummed as it gingerly lifted its massive hand and reached for the match book.

“No!” Lucas shouted.

The creature stopped, then tilted its head and raised an eyebrow, “No?”

“I’m not-!” Lucas stared up at the thing, “I won’t just let you kill me, or take me, or whatever!”

He dropped the canister and took one of the matches from the book. The creature tensed as gasoline spilled across the floor around them, the liquid rapidly draining from the canister.

“So I’ll get a bit burnt!” Lucas gritted his teeth, “That’s okay, I doubt I’d ever manage to get away from you unscathed anyway. But you’ll get burnt too! I’ll run away and put the fire out, then I’ll keep running until it’s all over. I won’t go willingly!”

The creature stared down at him, tense and wide-eyed. Then a low grumble began to emanate from its chest. Lucas tensed, anticipating the rumble to grow into a growl, ready to light and drop the match and run as the creature finally lost its patience and snapped him up in its jaws.

But, much to Lucas’ surprise the creature burst out in loud, explosive laughter. The creature lifted its hand to its face as tears leaked down its face and its laughter echoed off the walls inside Lucas’ mind and the very real walls of the cabin.

“I’m really starting to like you kid,” the monster laughed, “that bull-headed desire to live you have is actually quite endearing, it’s also gonna be very very helpful in what’s to come.”

“W-What’s to come?” Lucas deflated slightly as confusion once more took over.

“This is just the beginning kiddo, now, stay put for a second, I’ve got something I need to do,” the creature grinned down at Lucas, its eyes twinkling.

“Does…” Lucas swallowed hard, “Are you not going to kill me?”

The creature chuckled, “No Lucas, I’m not going to kill you, or take you away. Well, actually I am going to do that, but not to where the others want you to go.”

“Then where-”

“Shhh,” the creature hushed him as it brought a massive claw to Lucas’ lips, its talon the length of his face pressing gently against him. “Just hang tight for a minute for me.”

Lucas blinked in confusion and surprise at the creature then plucked the matchbook from his limp fingers and turned to the door, “I’ll just be a moment.”

Then, it barrelled outside, the force of its movement pushing Lucas the wet carpet, more gasoline soaking into his pants and covering his hands. Lucas wrinkled his nose as the fumes intensified and his eyes watered at the horrible smell.

He stood on wobbly legs, gas fumes, confusion, hunger, and retreating adrenaline causing his mind to grow fuzzy and disconnected. He carefully made his way to the stairs and gripped the handrail tightly as he stumbled his way up the stairs.

The monster told him to stay put, but Lucas assumed that meant to stay inside the cabin and opposed to standing right where he was before. Then again, he could be wrong and the creature would change its mind and gut him when it came back.

Lucas looked back down the stairs. Well, too late now.

He continued into his room and quickly changed his shirt and pants, throwing the gasoline soaked clothes into the tub and he then started scrubbing his hands in the sink until the awful smell went away.

As he left the bathroom, feeling a little better, he spotted the chocolate bar he’d left on his bedside table for a special occasion. Well, he figured this was as special an occasion as any. He crawled up onto his bed and crossed his legs as he unwrapped the chocolate bar and took a bite.

It was good, really really good, much better than anything he’d had in a long long time, and Lucas wasn’t sure if that taste was due to just the chocolate itself, or the fact that he’d just survived something that should have been impossible. Still, just the taste of it made Lucas feel so much better as he slumped against the wall.

“Oh, you’ve got some candy,” the creature’s voice erupted in his mind, causing Lucas’s eyes to shoot to the door, only to find it empty. Then he heard the window begin to slide open. He turned to stare at the window and found the massive creature carefully sliding it open, then once more shrinking to get inside.

Lucas was hypnotized, watching the creature shrink down to just larger than his mom had been, then grow to a hulking size that left its head resting against the ceiling. The transformations took a few seconds from one size to the next, but just the fact it was able to do it at all mesmerized Lucas.

That and the fact that its fur had turned from a pure white to a deep crimson red, stained in blood.

Lucas gulped.

“Alright, now that all the idiots are dead, we can discuss a bit more what’s going to happen now,” the creature announced.

“The… idiots?” Lucas asked.

The monster once more waved its massive hand dismissively, “all those other monsters hanging out by the treeline, waiting for me to get down with the dirty work they were unable to complete. Though at this point that’s more on you then on them really…”

“I’m sorry?” Lucas asked, unsure if he should apologize or not.

The creature chuckled and shook its head, “Don’t apologize for not wanting to die, kid. You see, their job was to convince you to let them kill you, it’s a whole thing. Anyway, they failed miserably at that because you’re a little fighter, ain’t ya?” the creature grinned as it brought down the heel of its massive hand and rubbed the top of Lucas’ head, messing up his hair and staining it with blood.

“I guess?” Lucas frowned, looking up at the monster.

“That's a good thing, by the way. A very very good thing, because now, our mission is to keep you alive, and your obstinate refusal to die is going to be a major asset to this cause since they can’t kill you unless you want to die.”

“O-obstinate?” Lucas asked, dozens of questions rolling around in his head.

”It means you’re very stubborn,” the monster clarified.

Lucas nodded slowly, “I… I’m not very smart-”

“Yes you are,” the creature cut him off. “You’re ignorant, sure, but that’s not the same as unintelligent. Ignorance you can fix, stupidity you can’t.”

“I…” Lucas wasn’t sure he quite believed that. Mom and the monsters had always told him he was stupid, and they couldn’t all be wrong. “Still, I don’t understand… anything.”

“That’s alright,” the creature reassured him, “there will be more time to talk about this later, for now all you need to know is that you don’t want to die, and I don’t want you to die either, so I’m going to help you. Now, don’t be mistaken, I do find you quite endearing, but I’m doing this for purely selfish reasons, understand?”

“I think so?” Lucas nodded, “We both want me to live because its good for us if I’m alive?”

“Exactly,” the creature messed up his hair some more despite Lucas trying to dodge out of the way, “I told you you were smart. Now, I’m going to hop inside your mind now.”

“W-What?!” Lucas exclaimed as his back hit the wall, instinctively trying to get away from the monster.

“Yes,” the thing nodded, “You see, despite my hulking appearance, I’m actually quite sly. The main thing I can actually do, aside from kick ass and adjust my appearance to an extent, is that I’m able to possess people. That’s actually the reason they asked me to come talk to you in the first place. I’m very good at possessing people and then psychologically, emotionally, and physically torturing them. They figured if I worked my magic on you, you’d crack like an egg.”

“I don’t understand,” Lucas leaned a bit further away, “What’s torture? And I don’t know what psyc- physco-” Lucas scowled as he tried to pronounce the word.

“Psychological,” the creature supplied, “it refers to a person's state of mind. Kinda like how emotional relates to someone's emotions and physical is someone’s body. As for torture, it means making someone feel pain.”

“So you were sent here to hurt me,” Lucas nodded to himself.

The creature smiled, “But you already knew that. See? Smart. You didn’t know the specifics, but you understood the general situation and came up with a plan to try and get out of it. What a cute, smart little boy you are,” the monster cooed as it continued to mess up his hair.

“But you’re not going to, right?” Lucas asked.

“Nope.”

Lucas then scowled, “But you said you were going to possess me, that’s torturing me.”

The creature blinked at him as Lucas’ words processed in his mind, then he grinned and began to laugh once more, “Ah! I see where the- No no, possessing you won’t hurt you kid. I can hurt you once I’m inside your head, but I don’t, like, have to.”

“Oh…”

The creature nodded, “Once I’m inside your head, I can help you get away from the monsters, okay?”

Lucas looked at it warily, “...and you promise not to hurt me?”

“Cross my heart,” the creature made an X-motion over his chest.

Lucas swallowed hard as he looked down at the chocolate bar in his hand. This could be a really really bad idea. He could let this creature in and it could do all number of terrible things to him, it could rip him to pieces from the inside out and Lucas would be helpless to stop it. Yet, it could also be his one chance at escape, his one hope of salvation in this god-forsaken place.

Maybe, just maybe, he could live.

Lucas looked back up at the creature’s shining white and red fur and muttered under his breath, “‘And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not,’ John 1:5.”

“What was that?” the creature asked.

“The Bible,” Lucas replied. “And, okay. Do it.”

The creature tilted his head, regarding him for a moment before it smiled. “Lay back for me, would you, and close your eyes.”

Lucas tentatively laid back and after a moment of staring at the pale wolf covered in blood looming over him, he closed his eyes.

This wasn’t suicide, he decided. It was hope.

---------------------

When Lucas woke up, he wasn’t in bed. Instead he woke up in a dark gray void, seemingly devoid of all life. He looked around and found nothing, just the dark gray dusted ground and the slightly lighter gray featureless sky.

“Ah,” Lucas deflated, “I’m in hell.”

“Not quite kiddo,” a familiar voice announced from behind him.

Lucas spun around to face the creature, only to find its voice wasn’t the only thing about that that had changed. Now, instead of its voice echoing around in his mind with an inhuman rumbling depth to it, it sounded much more like a regular human man’s voice.

It also looked human to.

The monster stared down at where he sat, looking almost indistinguishable from a regular human. It stood above him with the pale, almost pure white skin and white hair so light it seemed to glow hanging messily just over his shoulders. His eyes were the same glowing crimson and his teeth were sharp when he smiled. He didn’t look like anyone Lucas had ever seen before, though he’d not really met many people, but Lucas was fairly sure he’d seen people that looked like the creature on TV, smiling and laughing with other beautiful people.

“Though,” he continued, “I will grant you the comparison, I mean, wow kid, this is hands down the most depressing mind I’ve ever been in. Can’t you, like, imagine some flowers or something?”

Their surroundings remained stagnant.

The monster sighed, “Ah well, not quite sure what I expected really.”

“So,” Lucas looked around, “We’re inside my head?”

“I mean, technically you’ve always been in here kiddo, I’m just hitching a ride” the monster crouched down and ruffled his hair again, now with his new human hand. Lucas scowled as he swatted it away, nearly cutting himself on the monster’s long and very sharp nails.

“Ooooooh, testy testy,” the creature laughed as it continued to try and pet Lucas’ hair.

“Why do you look like a person?” Lucas asked as he continued to battle the monster’s hands for rights over his head.

“Figured it would make you more comfortable, which it has so I was right,” the creature finally relented, rolling back and sitting cross-legged in front of him.

Lucas scowled, but couldn’t argue. It was easier talking to the thing when it looked like a person as opposed to the giant hulking creature. He was still intimidating looking with his red eyes, muscular body and sharp white nails, but less so.

“So, I’m asleep?” Lucas asked.

“Bingo again,” the monster grinned, “Your body is very weak, but we can fix that.”

“And we’re going to be… together for a while?” Lucas asked.

“At least two years,” the monster hummed, “We’ll see what happens after that.”

“Okay,” Lucas nodded, not sure why he specified two years, “So, um, what should I call you then?”

The monster gave him a huge grin, his eyes twinkling mischievously, “You could try my name.”

“You have a name?”

“Wow!” The creature put a hand to his chest, “That’s very rude! Yes I have a name you twerp.”

“Twerp?”

“It means you’re a little brat,” the monster laughed. “But for your information, my name is Æthane.”

“Æthane?” Lucas asked.

“Sure is, but I suppose as I’ll be looking after you from now on you can just call me your new daddy,” Æthane smirked.

Lucas wasn’t sure what face he made but it must have been amusing because Æthane almost immediately tilted his head back in howling laughter.

“You’re too much kiddo I swear,” he grinned, “Something tells me we’re gonna get along just fine for the duration of our time together.”

Lucas really hoped so.

Not like he had a choice.

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aquaburst3 · 5 months

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The Masquerade Event came and went on the ENG server. Just a couple weeks ago, I seen plenty of takes where OP rolls their eyes at people who say that Rollo is "problematic" thanks to who he's based on or him being "racist". (Which makes no sense, because fae aren't real.) Sorry, but I have to play devil's advocate. To be quite honest, I agree with some of the sentiment behind that, I just think some people aren't articulating their points well.

The issue some people have with Rollo isn't that he's based on a villain so therefore he's problematic and anyone who likes him must be sent to the Shadow Realm. All of them are. Hating Rollo based on that would be fucking stupid. The issue people have is how the game glorified Frollo by honouring the school after him and handled Rollo as a character, despite who he's based on.

For the former, again, yes, some of the Great Seven did some messed up shit in their movies. Hell, Jafar has that creepy Jabba the Hutt style captive princess scene with Jasmine, despite the fact that she was a minor. I'm a huge Jamil fan. What sets Frollo apart from them is that he's based strictly in reality. You will never meet a Hades, Ursula or Jafar in real life. They are fanatical villains with magical powers or objects. However, there are thousands of people like Frollo in real life, especially in the west. Plus, Frollo is on a whole other level compared to the Great Seven. All of the Great Seven have good traits, so you can see an argument for how they might be seen as heroes of their stories. Frollo has ZERO redeeming qualities. This is the same guy who killed a lady and wanted to drown a newborn baby for being disabled in the first scene he was in, lusted after an underaged girl and wanted to genocide all of the Romani in Paris! So there's no in universe explanation for how that would come to be.

Christianity is one of the most popular religions in the west, so everything tied to it cares much more weight here. A lot of people have religious trauma. There is a very real issue of residential schools, especially in the US and Canada, where indigenous/native american people were abused which were ALWAYS Christian. Basing the school on a fictional figure with that much real life baggage is in poor taste. While I know Christianity is a minor religion in Japan, hence why Christian elements are often added to Japanese media due to it being "exotic" to them much like how westerners view the Greek Pantheon, the game is being distributed internationally, so the developers should've considered these things and handled that topic much more respectfully and reconsidered some of their decisions.

One may argue that Gaston and Cruella are the same way, since they are realistic villains as well. But guess what? They don't have a dorm let alone a whole fucking school honoured after them!

Honestly, I think it would've been FAR better if the game made Rollo like the staff where he's based on Frollo, but honoured the school after Mother Gothel instead. Hell, you could've done a plot twist where all of the stuff in the town is based on Tangled, and then Rollo pulls the flower shit inspired by Hunchback of Notre Dame. That would've been so cool!

That leads to that second thing—how Rollo was handled. For one, he's a woobified version of Frollo. A woobie, for those of you who don't know, is an older fandom term used to describe bland pretty characters with a tragic backstory that the author expects you to feel sorry for them and get away with everything. Oh, boy. Does he fit that definition in spades. He's pretty bland. His only real standout personality traits are that he hates magic and the fae, prideful, traditional and possibly athletic. That's it. He has a sad backstory where his brother died in a fire after his magic got out of control. Fine, that's cliche, but it works. Hell, it's kinda clever in a sense where it's inspired by the Hunchback of Notre Dame off-broadway musical. Characters like Idia point out the hypocrisy in Rollo's ideology and that he is really doing this thanks to his own guilt for his brother's death, which is a good thing. The problem is, outside of him being boring as a character, that despite wanting to suck out all of the magic in the world, he got away with it scott free, and his only form of "punishment" was living with the guilt of knowing everyone thinking that he was some sort of hero...despite Malleus wanting revenge on him five minutes earlier. (I don't get it either.) I think a lot of this problem plays into a reoccurring one the game has a whole—the character stagnation and Yana's utter unwillingness to let them face any consequences for their actions.

It's not even with the one shot villains. You see this play out all the time with the main cast. All of the OB gang get a slap on the wrist for their actions. Everyone instantly forgives them, including people like Kalim and Ruggie who were almost MURDERED. (Kalim I kinda get, because he's a ball of sunshine and is deep in denial about a lot of things. But Ruggie? You think he would be at least upset at Leona for almost Thanos Snapping his ass.) It's not even just for OBs either. Malleus faced zero consequences or is even properly called out for his actions during the second Halloween event or deciding to tag along, despite damn well knowing it would make Jamil's life harder and that he couldn't refuse him.

So in that sense, the way that Rollo got away scott free is super annoying, but not surprising. It happens all the time with the main boys, so why not him? Hell, the same thing happens with with Honest Fellow.

However, this problem hampers the writing on all fronts. Unless you are writing a flat arc, characters need to change and grow, especially in a coming of age story like TWST should be. So instead of learning and growing like real people, every single character in the TWST cast always remain the same and never face any repercussions for their actions. It's asinine, since they realistically would, even if they are based on villains. Hell, you think it would make it even more so, since they are based on villains and would be more revengeful and not merciful.

The game should've punished Rollo for his actions. I don't think he needs to fall to his death into a lake of fire like his original counterpart, but him being expelled or everyone at his school hating him after learning the truth and him being stripped off all of his titles would've been nice!

Don't get me wrong. Rollo isn't bad as a concept. Hell, I'm even adding a version of him to my own fic, so saying that you can never add a character like that to a story would be super hypocritical of me. It's certainly cool if you enjoy him as a character, even if I don't jell with him personally. Just that the way that Yana could've handled Rollo and the other Hunchback of Notre Dame elements in a much more respectful manner and nixed basing the school on Frollo himself.

#aqua rambles #twst critical #twst negative #twisted wonderland

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moonjxsung · 4 days

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Star!!

I miss your writings and I keep coming back~ It sucks that you had to take some of them down, but I agree that people should appreciate your work beyond the smut thing. Your writing is top-notch and could totally be on the best-seller shelves if you ever decide to publish it! Show some respect, peeps!

Anyway, when you talk about why did you start Tumblr, it reminded me of myself. We're the same age and kind of similar in terms of our experience with religion and our escapism. But I'm impressed (and grateful) that you still could be productive when going through that. For me, it messed up my life and I didn't know how to handle it. I went to one of the best universities in my country and almost dropped out 3 years ago. I took a break for a year and transferred to The Open University so I could finish my degree while working (yes, I am still in college). I'm still struggling, but life is getting better now.

And I just wanna thank you for writing such comforting stories, they are one of my coping mechanisms! <3 They help me cry (yes, cry is good) through my bad days. :)

Oh my sweet angel :( I wish you could see the way I teared up reading this. (TW: religious trauma)

First off- I want to reiterate that you’re doing absolutely phenomenal given the circumstances. It’s not easy by any means and I still feel like I’m under constant condemnation under some watchful eye every single day that I’m alive. It hinders my ability to go out, embrace my sexuality, be a human being- even to write on some days. It’s so difficult not to associate the unfortunate events that life throws your way with the punishments of some cruel god. I went through something in my sophomore year of college that permanently changed me and I’m still so certain it had to be divine intervention- in both a way that benefitted me, but hurt first it hurt me badly.

I carried around a bible with me for the 2 years I was out of a job and shut inside of my room, just ruminating on the past, studying religion, trying to make sense of science and divinity alike. And I don’t think I was ever able to fully grasp it- as a concept, as a lifestyle, as something people could comfortably live with. I had a friend who converted to Christianity in the same period of time I was struggling with it, who verbally called me to say she “heard the voice of Christ” and had begun her transition to Christianity, the very same religion I was struggling with. I cried to my sister that very same night and I stayed up all night wondering why I’d never experienced the same, why I felt like I wasn’t worthy of a relationship with a higher power no matter how hard I tried. And despite struggling so hard, my intrusive thoughts led me to believe I was going to die at any given moment, and I couldn’t go anywhere without my bible. Imagine trying to explain to your best friend why you HAVE to sneak a bible into the movie theater on your 21st birthday celebration despite not believing in god anymore. That was a new low 🤕

I was told to believe in something from a young age that would dictate my entire life, and it fucked me up real bad. And just when I felt that I needed answers, I felt more abandoned than ever. I can’t seek them out without risk of being converted or swayed into some cult-ish organization, and people want to comfort me with the standard “don’t think about it!” And it’s like…. I physically cannot. I am overrun by my ocd and intrusive thoughts, religion is on my mind 24/7 and I’m overcome with guilt at any given moment.

You are not defined by your struggles with divinity- they’re simply heavy burdens you bear. And I know it’s hard, but do whatever you need to do in order for some peace of mind. For me, in college it meant skipping a lot of lectures when I needed to, being open to my professors about what was happening, quitting my job for some time and just allowing myself to feel and question anything that needed to. I’m doing better, but I still bear the burdens and I think that I always will. And in the meantime, I write to distract myself, and I pull back when I feel consumed by guilt again. Just play life by ear and know that we’re all going at our own pace ❣️ I love you very much and I’m always here if you need to talk about it. Sending you all the love in the world, I’m so glad to hear things are getting a little better and I have no doubt that you’ll get there in due time :’)

#anon <3 #ask

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lynnedwardswrites · 1 year

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Finally started watching the Vox Machina animated series because I was once a Critter, but gave up about 7 episodes in because I just can't handle how simplifying the story into a TV series this way makes it obvious the kind of problematic themes and tropes the story relies on.

I could go on and on about misogyny and supremacy in general but I'll spare you, because I think most people are literate enough about those kinds of issues they can figure that stuff out themselves with a close inspection.

What I *do* want to talk about is how Vox Machina handles religion, because the Pike's-broken-amulet arc was so not-self-aware about real religious issues that it felt like Christian/fundamentalist propaganda (the kind that's often used to support homophobia, for example) and that is super weird for the Critical Role people.

(Fair warning: I only made it to episode 7, so I did not see Pike's return, only how her narrative was set up. I confirmed my suspicions by reading a summary, though, and I did see the original D&D.)

Ok so summary details in brackets, thoughts below:

Pike's magic god-speaking amulet breaks, so she goes to the temple of The Everlight to try to fix it and the already christianity-flavored religious figures are like "Don't worry child, we accept everyone as they are."

Good, great, everything is correct so far, and I mean everything. I don't know a church out there (except perhaps the most violent of homophobic ones) that won't say "we/Jesus accepts everyone as they are." The Mormons (my childhood group) say this, offering a hand of fellowship to absolutely everyone. The thing is that you can *say* you accept people "as they are" as much as you want, but that doesn't mean you actually do. Let's continue, to see what "accepting people as they are" looks like for the Everlight:

Pike says "ok, I think I'm cursed cuz I can't actually perform miracles or talk to god" and then they're like "oh no, honey, it's not a curse. It's because There's Something Wrong With You. You're Broken, that's why god doesn't talk to you."

The rest is implied, but it is confirmed by the story: "But don't worry, because we have the answers. We know what's broken about you or we have the right way for you to figure it out. Follow us and we'll teach you everything you need to know."

So I get that this is D&D and Pike has the literal ability to channel a "divine" being's power, and sure, maybe that literal being has rules about how you have to behave because he's a very controlling MFer. For D&D that's fine, that's whatever. In the real world, the existence of this divine being is under some pretty intense scrutiny right now. And yet, the conversation bracketed above is something that literally happens in the real world.

You go to church and tell your pastor "I just don't know if I believe this stuff is true, I didn't have the powerful experiences you promised I would" and the answer is "well, there must be something wrong with you, then, you must not be pure enough."

You say "I was promised good things if I followed this god's commandments, but nothing has changed in my life. In fact, things are getting worse" and the answer is "well there must be something wrong with you then, you didn't have enough faith."

You say, "I tried to pray the gay away and it didn't work. I'm having a hard time feeling like God and this community love me the way I am" and the answer is "that's just the devil talking. Of course we love you. Keep trying to pray the gay away ("keep trying to become straight," for the normies) because that's the only way you'll be able to feel the love God already has for you."

Hopefully you've picked up the pattern already, but that's the thing about religion and its assumption of being fully, divinely correct all the time. They can make any claims they want ("you'll be happier here!"), even about their own nature and morality ("we accept everyone as they are!") but if something is wrong, something doesn't line up, the answer is *always* "well there must be something wrong with YOU then, because we know we're right."

You can use religion in this way to support any oppressive system or ideology. "We love you, but you're broken and that's why life is hard for you. No, don't question the system. Don't question the gender binary. Don't question capitalism. Don't question us. It's you. You're the broken one."

That's one problem with real-world religions. They often can't keep their promises (or they just push the promises into an afterlife so you have no evidence they're false). Vox Machina plays into and legitimizes the same story. Pike couldn't get the promised reward of her religion because she hadn't molded herself to fit her church's ideals well enough, but once she did, I mean, yeah, superpowers, wow. You could have superpowers too, if you just gave 10% of your income to this megachurch and crushed your naturally fun loving, questioning, joke-making self into a demure puritan loyalist. That's how it works!

"But this is D&D! We're going to assume the promises are all true!" Alright fine. Say you are in the camp of believing the Christian god is just as real to us as the Everlight is to Pike (or if you're in the camp of allowing that some people feel that way and you want to be respectful). Say you believe or allow that maybe religion's promises are true, and asking people to suppress their nature to meet a higher ideal is Good and Reasonable. The problem with Vox Machina's portrayal, the part where all of this becomes problem-atic, is that Pike's narrative stops with "she shoehorned herself into a religious mold and then she was happy" when there are millions and millions of people with lived experiences telling us that that's not how it works.

Because even if the promise of religion happens to pan out for you (you start acting more "straight," say, hiding your gayness, and as a result get more love acceptance being treated with basic dignity from the church members around you), that doesn't mean you wind up so happy to be straight-er. Rather, you end up with deeeeep deep shame about the normal-ass human parts of yourself that religion taught you were wrong. Maybe it's not being gay, maybe it's getting angry sometimes. Maybe it's relationships with friends or family that were "getting in the way" of your spiritual journey (like it was for Pike). You cut all that stuff out to be "worthy" and you end up depressed, anxious, shame-riddled (and heading back to religion to solve a new round of issues; a vicious cycle).

But VM doesn't show that for Pike. They stop at "religious dedication will solve all your problems" and it's fuckin weird to see Critical Role of all people telling that story, and ignoring the stories of people they claim to care about who are going "Um! No actually?" It's weird that they hold up a controlling, god-like authority figure who will let children die rather than heal them because his instrument "doesn't have a friend-religion balance that favors god-worshipping highly enough" as the Good and Great Everlight. It's weird to see Critical Role taking the stance that tolerance means telling the stories that abusers pick for themselves, instead of tolerance making sure that everyone is actually being treated with dignity. It's weird how many otherwise open-minded people are just completely uneducated about the harmful effects of religion when religion is tied so closely to homophobia, racism, misogyny and supremacy of all kinds in this country. It's weird!

#once again i get that this is supposed to be a fun campy retelling of a story a bunch of white kids came up with while playing dnd #its not supposed to be that deep #but i do think its good to be aware of where the narratives living in our subconscious come from and who they benefit #even as we enjoy them for what they are #vox machina #critical role #critter #exmo #post mormon #ex fundie #exmormon

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paellegere · 2 months

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final thoughts: supernatural season 11

all right let's do this wretched thing

i don't even know where to begin. i'm trying to weigh it against season 6 as my least favorite season, but it's difficult. season 6 was bad because it was scattered, poorly written, poorly paced, and terribly executed. but season 11... i just really hated it conceptually. it was really hard to get over the hump and ride this whole darkness thing out—there's always a limit to suspension of disbelief, and i think when you're dabbling with real-world mythologies that limit is lower than usual.

now i think there were ways they could have executed this intelligently. like my comment a few days ago about how adding this The Darkness(tm) to the story recreates judeo-christian mythology into a form closer to proto-indo-european mythology, i think if the writers had known about the PIE creation myth and actually used that to inform their writing, they could have done something really cool, and at the same time maybe return to its "all mythologies are equal" roots instead of... whatever the fuck kinda christian supremacy propaganda they were selling this season.

not to go on a tangent, but say they cast god as manus and amara as yemo, they could have actually made a statement about the interconnectedness of (IE) religions and made the story less christianity-centric through that acknowledgment of non-abrahamic religions. i mean that's the root of all these religions in the first place. i mean the leviathan is tiamat, genesis is fix-it fic of the enuma elish, etc etc you already have the PIE influences in the old testament. the roots are there they just had to be aware of them and use them creatively.

so that's deeply disappointing. they were so close and instead of making something really cool, all they did was push some agenda that the judeo-christian god is the ultimate god and yknow i really can't respect that, especially after all the work kripke era did to dismantle that bias. it feels disrespectful to the original show and i'm not very happy with it at all.

i could go on and on about this in particular because i have so many thoughts about how it could have been handled better and more respectfully, but i'll stop there because that's the gist of my argument and ideas. outside of this i guess the seasonal plot was decent? it's hard to really gauge my opinion on it because i really just did not like this season conceptually, and my thoughts are skewed against it as a result. up to now i've at least been interested in the ideas they were putting forth, and my issues have been with the technical aspects of writing. this is... a doozy.

i'll critique the amara/dean thing. because actually this is my kink. or one of them. or an aspect of it. whatever. so i should like it. the whole "i'm being forced to love someone i don't or wouldn't otherwise" is LITERALLY my kink. i go nuts over this. but um. yeah it really did nothing for me. the blank stares and nonexistent affections between them did absolutely nothing to sell me on this bond between them. actually i liked amara's side of things a lot better, i thought she really put her at least 75% of her pussy into seducing dean, and i liked the innocence with which she approached him, like it was a given that he loved her as much as she loved him. that was good. i liked that.

dean on the other hand? really did not sell this. idk if it was jensen's acting or the writing itself or what, but i felt absolutely nothing from his end. not even a hint of his internal struggle, no fight or even desire, just total absence of anything. like he turned into a wooden board whenever she was around. really disappointing actually!! because it was such a gimme to get me to like this. i'm literally hardwired to go nuts over this exact type of plot at its worst or cheesiest or most poorly executed, and they still fumbled it hard. no chemistry, no struggle, no tension, nothing. disappointing!!! i feel like i got left high and dry here.

also after the incestuous high seasons 7-10 left me with, i gotta say s11 really flopped on the brotherfucking. there was stuff here and there, but they had so many opportunities that they completely passed up on. if you're going to have sam exclaim in his fit of magic-induced despair "you were going to choose amara over me" then idk man could you give me SOMETHING to lead up to it? obviously you can get it from context clues. the qareen episode has the ending scene too. but outside of that? really not a lot of substance there. where's sam's anguish? his despair? he's about to lose his brother, the man he married in a church and then cured of demon-ness and destroyed the entire world for, to some fucking lady, and he acts so impassive over it the whole time except like. twice? okay. i don't think it would have been so disappointing if the past four seasons hadn't been about sam and dean getting married and divorced and remarried and redivorced over and over again. it went from 100 to like. 30. sooooo quick and i felt that. i felt that.

now you could have fixed THAT by paralleling amara with sam instead of chuck (????seriously????) and having dean's central emotional conflict be about choosing amara or sam (sam being a metaphor for the world, life, creation, etc). keep the tension high by making it be a front-and-center decision dean has to make. he wants to choose sam, but it's hard because his soul wants amara and he doesn't have a say in the matter. she's bewitched him and sam is fighting to take him back and dean is clinging to sam while also reaching out to amara and it's messy and painful and sam has to watch his brother be torn out of his grasp. it would be a perfect way to continue the conflicts set up by the previous seasons, it would have made the plot stronger, and it would have fixed probably all of my gripes about the dean/amara stuff i just complained about because there would have been some externalization of this struggle instead of forcing the audience to watch dean stand woodenly in place for several minutes at a time while amara monologues at him.

like come on.

okay. i'm trying to tally up the episodes i actually liked in this season so let's see. baby was good, very creative and i respect that and what it was trying to do a lot. idk if i'd say i liked thin lizzie, but i appreciated the fact that the show returned to the roots of what soullessness means as established in season 6 through len. it felt kind of insane that every soulless person turned into a volatile killing machine when we had 11 full episodes of soulless sam showing us exactly what removing a soul is supposed to do to someone. it also might be one of the first times, if not the first time? that this show has acknowledged its insane lore retcons and tried to reconcile it with current lore. so i'll give it a gold star for effort. plush was good, as always i'm a big donna fan; into the mystic was inoffensive. i LOVED don't you forget about me because i will always be jody's #1 stan forever. love hurts had the extremely psychosexual samdean moment at the end BUT it also embodies everything i hated about the amara/dean romance so that's a hard pass for me sorry. the chitters was good—had a lot of good psychosexual samdean as the emotional core of the episode and there was that insane conversation between jesse and sam in the car that drove me bonkers. definitely my fave of the whole season, probably.

so 6 episodes? yeah okay. that sounds about right for the amount of agony i was in while watching this season. checks out. okay. (clutches my head miserably)

the finale dragged on for too long. i can't even blame it because it pretty much needed all four of those episodes and i don't even think they were particularly badly written, but four episodes is a lot of episodes to tie up the season. i also think i'm biased against this because i just really did not fucking like this season, oh my god. every second longer i spent on the plot was kind of agonizing actually.

and all the brothers stuff at the end just did not make up for what the season put me through. it felt... idk not flimsy, but in comparison to what the season gave us, neither of them seemed like very active participants in any of this and so the emotional moments just didn't hit for me. i can see the development on sam's end from "i would destroy the world for you" to "ok maybe i shouldn't have done that; i'll let you die now" but i don't really agree with it given that there are still 4 seasons left in this show. if they start getting healthy about their relationship now, there isn't going to be any intrigue left, no tension left to propel them forward into unending codependency and enmeshment. "we have to change" except they can't because the narrative requires them to be psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent because this is a show about their relationship. you have 4 seasons leading up to sam's total and complete dependency on dean only for him to become normal about him within a single season? not only does it not work like that, but it shouldn't work like that. the show has done nothing but reward them for choosing their codependency (emotionally, that is; whatever happens to the world is not their problem tbh) over everything else. to pull an about-face that hard and not even have sam break down sobbing when he thinks dean is dead is just.

well it's just.

i'm just saying. if your entire reason for living, the only thing that matters to you in the entire universe, just fucking obliterated himself, i don't think you'd be fully functional and just a tad bit sad over it. sam got half his soul ripped out of him (they are soulmates after all) and he's fine? he can walk on his own, hold a conversation, barely even cry? after all that? after dean became the foundation of his reality, after he almost killed himself because he thought dean didn't love him The Most, after he tried to make a deal with the devil to bring dean back to life, after he caused the apocalypse 2.0 because dean was a bit cranky? so he just says "this is a problem and we have to change" and it's all fixed now? ok.

i'm not saying it's 100% bad (though i certainly don't like it, and this is definitely not the reason i'm watching this show lol), but it just doesn't feel coherent with the story so far, and it doesn't have enough support for it either, especially with 4 more seasons ahead. again: if they get healthy and normal about each other now, then what in the hell are these last 4 seasons even going to be about? it really kills my motivation to keep going, i'm not gonna lie.

i didn't mean to go off on that tangent. anyway i think i'm going to be petty about this and say it's my least favorite season so far. because at least season 6 had good ideas and its issues were almost entirely with its piss-poor execution. this? just felt insulting if i can be quite honest. i worked myself up writing this but i feel more confident in my evaluation of it. from the centering of judeo-christian mythology over all others, to the lack of focus on sam and dean's relationship and their spontaneous borderline-normalcy about each other, to the total flop of what should have been the easiest goddamn plot to sell to my kinky ass, i just thoroughly did not like this season. good fucking riddance.

i'm going to read some wincest fic. wincest writers always give me what i want 💖 i'll pick a show to watch during my detox later, i haven't really thought about it since i was so focused on finishing this season before my birthday (and thank god for that too, if i'd had to watch this then i would have been miserable). anyway that's all i'll stop complaining now :)

#liveblogging: supernatural #this is like 90% complaining i'm so sorry #it wasn't supposed to be but then. well.#anyway i'm done now :)#4 seasons left!#.txt #spn reviews

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queenofgravyfries · 1 year

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I'm so happy people love my rise! Hcs, so I'd figure I'd share my hcs for rc9gn as well.

Randy-

He believes in Judaism like Howard's family, he started to study it and follow the religion because of the weinermens as well. He hasn't told his family yet because they follow a different religion and want him to follow it(the Japanese religion Shinto).

His dad's away on work trips a lot, it's why he brings up his mom so much, she's the one always around.

His mom works as a caretaker for young kids(like Marci did), she's in her own head a lot so Randy can often get away with a lot.

Randy sometimes does dumb crap to cheer someone up(can't cry if you're laughing at him).

I joke about him being blood thirsty but in all honesty I don't think he is, he'd kill out of necessity but even then he be merciful(to people, animals/beasts are free game). And even then he wouldn't like it. A "I did what I had to" kinda situation.

Mature for his age due to his parents being busy most of the time.

Nothing wrong with weinerham as a ship(I just want to make that clear) but personally, I think they'd see each other more as brothers, I think Randy associates the whole weinermen family into his own, AGAIN there is nothing wrong with shipping weinerham! What i am saying is mere opinion, please Don't use this to attack anyone!.

Has called Mort dad before, it was a great moment for Mort.

Considers Mort and First ninja as father figures, in their own right. Not that he doesn't care for his bio dad, they all help him in some parental way, Mort being the comforting force, First ninja the motivating one and his bio dad being fun loving one.

Is very proud of his Japanese culture, his dad would make him study the language, history, and mythology, which was the one type of teaching he liked.

Is Very protective and clingy when he's in love.

Gets physically violent if mad enough (see: Raiders of the lost nomicon scene with bash as that's where I got the idea) which is why he tries to restrain his emotions.

Met Theresa off screen by bumping into her a little before "so you think you can stank?".

Has nightmares about Norrisville getting destroyed, normally he can handle it but sometimes it scares him bad enough he needs Something to shake him back to reality.

Ploplop-

Has definitely got some magic skills.

Grew up with first ninja, the nine took him off the streets when they first found norrisville.

Is actually First Ninja's voice of reason when he gets angry.

Helped the "shadow warrior"nine brother with his magical techniques.

First ninja-

* these are mostly on the idea of him being in modern day

Would absolutely own a dog named something like poopsie or spots.

Leather jackets and motorcycles 💫

Is addicted to coffee, rarely sleeps, and has in fact gotten dragged across his home by ploplop demanding he respect his wish to "sleep when he's dead" lol.

He was the baby brother ™️ of the nine. He looked up to all of them.

One of his brothers created the "Shadow warrior" persona out of "necessity", he truly believed fear would give them the power to stop the sorcerer.

First ninja studied every method, fighting technique, rages etc. From his brothers, he wanted to be as good as them someday.

The dragon fist move he does in "13th century Ninja" is a move only he can do. his brothers had moves exclusive to each of them as well.

It bothers him about his anger, he wants to teach himself to calm down but it's difficult, given the situations he often finds himself in.

Gets as jealous as Randy if ploplop gets other friends, it's like a yandere but in a more platonic way.

Him and Slimovitz would be pals i think.

LOVES SHARP THINGS, WEAPONS, KNIVES, THEY MAKE HIS SQUARE HEAD GO BRRR.

Used to head butt and bite his opponents, until his eldest brother demanded he stop.

The red tie he has his hair tied back with is from his second eldest brother, who was almost like a mother to him.

Booray-

Born in the swamp, parents died while he was really young.

Grigri/swamp spirit is either a witch he knew or his bio mom, either way she dead now 🤷‍♀️.

The creep/Bruce Mcheese-

Slob lifestyle 💫

Is the strongest thing in rc9gn's universe yet doesn't raise a finger at threats because 💖trauma💖.

Isn't from Norrisville, wasn't even born there(my man gotta be from a realm)

Has a mythical gf but they argue a lot.

Is closest to first ninja since they've spent the most time together.

Pacifist in present day, menace in the past.

Theresa-

Wants to become an actress

Needs reassurance a lot

Cries regardless of emotion

Isn't fond of Howard but is more then willing to change that for Randy's sake.

Is being raised by her step mother(she's big, Scottish, and very protective).

Has a parrot(patty) along with the hamster(sammy).

Norrisville-

Everyone lives scarily longer then normal, side effect of the stankings. it's why no one bats an eye at immortals like Ward Smith or Creep.

Tourists often visit to try and live longer as well, or get some footage of a monster attack.

Those "top 5 unsolved mysteries" videos are flooded on Shoobtube, almost all of them talk about norrisville. Norrisvilians watch them to laugh at since there always because of a stanking or robot.

People outside of norrisville are mixed about The ninja, some are grateful he saves at least one town, others wish he would extend his heroism.

#rc9gn #rc9gn randy #rc9gn fanart #disney #rc9gn au #randy cunningham #randy cunningham 9th grade ninja

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edupunkn00b · 11 months

Text

The Uses of Adversity, Ch. 12: We Will All Be Changed

Prev - We Will Be Changed - Next - Masterpost - [ AO3 ]

WC: 3073 - Rated: T - CW: arguing, redacted slur, flashback, dissociation

Speak now don't tarry on like it's Always gonna be Hold child this expectation But don't forget to love - We Will All Be Changed, Seryn ---

Still two miles out from his exit home, Logan gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, jaw muscles twitching in his effort to stay silent in the face of Kelly's rant. “And don’t you dare lecture me about responsible parenting, Logan,” Kelly hissed, twisted in her seat and glaring, finger stabbing the air next to him, punctuating each word. “I’m not the one who left a thirteen year old alone with some strange man! I never would’ve agreed to him not coming if I’d known that’s who'd be watching him!” She scoffed, one artfully polished nail scraping against his sleeve. “No wonder you were in such a rush to leave and didn’t invite me in!”

“You arrived almost an hour later than we—”

“There was traffic!”

“Yes, and Virgil was anxious we would hit even more traffic on the way up to Bellingham.” He inhaled slowly and checked his mirrors, then his speedometer, forcing more of his attention back to his driving and ignoring the cold churn in his stomach. It would be fine. The worst she would do in a moving car was yell. “Our son is perfectly well cared for. Roman is my boss' brother-in-law. You’ve even met him before.” Hiding his relief that Kelly did not seem to remember anything about Roman, Logan signaled, checked his mirrors, then his blind spot before changing lanes for the upcoming exit back to his house. “At Seattle Law, he was an assistant teacher at the child care center that Remy and Virgil attended. He's great with kids and is a really good guy.“

Kelly sucked her teeth and turned up the radio. “Can he handle Patton's behavior problems?”

It hadn't taken long for Kelly to return to this old thread. Better this than Roman? He wasn't sure. “We’ve discussed this.” Logan gritted his teeth and breathed past the phantom ache in his fingers. He flexed his hand before saying, very quietly, “Neurodivergency is not a behavioral problem.”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Whatever.” She looked around as Logan signaled again and slowly eased onto the off ramp. “Wait. This is the wrong exit. We always take 18 to get to your place.”

“Yes. My home is equidistant between this exit and the next. Unless there is road work on 124th, when traveling South, I take this exit.”

“Well, you should take the other one.” Her eyes bored into him but kept his attention on the road and his mirrors. “We always do,” she said again, the fresh emphasis telling him who she was talking about.

“So, how is Mark?” he asked weakly. His blatant desperation to change the subject, his desperation to short circuit yet another fight was just blood in the water.

“Smooth, Logan,” she sneered, but then her tone went syrupy sweet. “Mark is great. In fact tomorrow, we’re looking at houses up in Bothell. We’re looking at the schools up there, too…”

Logan’s grip on the steering wheel tightened reflexively and he glanced at her from the corner of his eye. She smiled back. “We wouldn’t dream of making any changes to the parenting plan without going through the proper channels, of course,” she murmured softly, like thunder in the distance. “Won’t it be nice for Patton and his new little brother to go to the same school?”

“Patton starts ninth grade in the fall,” his brow furrowed, alarm bells screaming in his head. “And…” It took a moment for the name to surface. “Caleb is a second grader.”

“Heritage is a private school for grades K through 12,” Kelly remarked. “Patton would have good influences there.”

Logan frowned. “Heritage is a religious school,” he remarked before he could stop himself. “And they’ve been taken to court at least four times this year for viola—”

“Last I checked, Logan, there was still freedom of religion in this country,” she said airily. Again, he felt her eyes on him. Stopped at a red light, he glanced over and shuddered at her little smirk. She was baiting him and he knew it. But he couldn’t hold his tongue.

“Patton is happy where he is,” Logan said carefully.

“Patton is coddled where he is,” Kelly snapped, sickly sweet tone evaporating in a snarl. “He’s going to need to get his grades up if he has any hopes of scholarships like his brothers. He needs to start taking his education seriously.”

Logan breathed slowly and again counted to five before speaking. “Kels, that is a mischaracterization of Patton’s school experience and—”

“Don’t call me that.” She fell silent for a while before shrugging. “Besides, it isn’t completely up to you anyway. Mark will be his stepfather soon and he has a say in the matter.”

Logan did not answer, and, with more than a little relief, turned into his driveway alongside Kelly’s candy red BMW. She flung open the door and jogged up the porch steps before he could even cut the engine. Counting his breaths, Logan set the parking brake, shifted into Park, then turned the key and followed her.

~~~

She stepped aside only long enough for Logan to unlock the door, then pushed her way through, not even waiting for him to pull the key from the lock. “Patton? Patton, honey?” she called out in her PTA mom voice. Logan’s skin crawled at the saccharine tone, her words still edged with the promise of… anger or retribution or—

“Oh, hi, Mom,” Patton’s voice echoed down the hall. Logan’s hand shook as he struggled with the key and he forced a slow breath, on old, slimy panic inching up his throat. “You’re back. Where’s—“ His voice muffled at the end, probably pulled into a hug. Logan finally retrieved the key and stepped inside. Guilt clashed with relief when he saw Kelly hugging Patton, both smiling. Patton looked up and, impossibly, his smile grew. “Dad!” he said and wiggled out her hold to grab Logan’s hand. “Look at what I did today!” he tugged Logan closer to their chore chart and the long row of happy face stickers next to his name.

“I got all my homework done, hung up all my clothes, and took out the trash,” he pointed at the chart, bouncing on his toes. “All the trash, too, and emptied the dishwasher. And Roman even helped me make dinner!”

“He didn’t need much help,” Roman’s low voice rumbled from the kitchen and he stepped out, drying his hands. He’d tied on Logan’s well-worn ‘Combine for Pie’ apron, the top tight over his broad chest. But it… suited him, the faded navy blue accenting the green in his eyes, bits of cornmeal smudged at the apron's edges only proving its worth. Roman ruffled Patton’s hair and grinned. “Pat’s quite the chef.”

“He really is,” Logan agreed, smiling back at Roman and breathing again. The savory scents of cumin and a dark chocolate mole sauce filled his lungs and his smile broadened. He gave Patton’s hand another squeeze and grinned proudly at his son. “You’ve worked hard today, Patton. You should be proud of yourself.”

“Hello, Kelly." Logan blinked, head jerking up at Roman's sudden greeting. He’d actually forgotten she was standing there. Roman smiled at her, a little stiff, maybe, but polite and warm. "The enchiladas will be done in about an hour,” He inclined his head, an almost bow. “And there’s plenty. Are you staying for dinner?”

She stared at Roman, eyes flicking over his jewelry and his eyeliner, and at Patton’s expression as he grinned up at him. She narrowed her eyes at Roman’s hand where it now rested on Patton’s shoulder. Ice filled Logan’s veins at the steel behind her fake smile.

“Logan,” she said, turning to him as though Roman no longer existed. “I can’t believe you’d let some *** babysit my son.”

“Mom!” Patton cried and moved back, closer to Roman and keeping himself between him and Kelly.

“What the hell’s the matter with you?” Logan hissed at her and she blinked at him, her shock at his outburst quickly replaced with anger. She scowled and opened her mouth but he cut her off. “You may not say such things to my friends, you may not say such things in my home or in front of my son!” He opened the door wider and stepped aside, joining Patton and Roman. Patton held tight to his hand, and reached behind him with the other to hold onto Roman’s arm. Logan stood close enough to feel the warmth pouring off Roman’s side but he couldn’t bear to meet his eyes. “Please leave.”

“Oh, come off it, Logan,” she rolled her eyes and stepped closer. “Take off the SJW cape for five seconds and consider—”

“Please leave, now,” he said again. His voice shook and he had to lock his knees to stop their trembling, but he didn’t stand down and he didn’t look away.

Her hands twitched at her sides as she glared back at him. After a long, breathless moment, her eyes darted over his shoulder at Roman, but he'd remained still and silent. “Fine,” she spat, stepping through the open door. She narrowed her eyes at Logan and her face twisted into a smirk. “You’re going to regret this, Logan.”

“I have a lot of regrets, Kelly,” he said, voice calmer than his shaking grip on the door should have permitted. “I’ll add it to the pile.” He didn’t wait for her response and instead closed and locked the door as soon as she was through.

Once it closed, he fell against the door, forehead pressed to the cold, smooth surface.

“Hey, Pat,” he heard Roman’s voice behind him. It was distorted and wobbly, like the periscope ‘phones’ at the park. Or tin cans connected with a string. “Why don’t you go set up a new Mario Kart tournament? I’ll be right down.”

At some point, Logan must have released Patton’s hand. Fingers and wrist throbbing, his entire body trembled. Each breath caught in his throat, dull hooks dragging and and snagging against his flesh. Patton’s voice was too quiet to make out his words over the roaring in his ears, but he caught Roman’s soft response. “I’ll make sure he’s okay.”

Patton said something else, a sharp edge of worry in his voice. “I’m okay, too, Pat. We’re too strong for the haters, aren't we?”

The hallway darkened and after a moment, Logan couldn’t hear anything over the sound of his own blood pumping in his ears. He panted, both hands pressed hard against the door. A motorcycle raced past outside, and the rumbling engine vibrated under his hands, shifting into a pounding on the door.

“Logan? Logan, don’t you walk away from me when I’m talking to you!” BANG BANG BANG

He pushed hard against it, keeping the door sealed shut, keeping everything out.

“I—I—I need a moment, Kels, p—please. I—” BANG BANG BANG

He tested the lock. The door was bolted shut. They were safe. They were safe.

“The kids will be back with my parents any minute and we’re not done talking!” BANG BANG BANG “Open the damn door!”

He couldn't hide in here forever but if he could just collect himself, he could—

BANG BANG BANG “Logan? Logan!” BANG BANG BANG

The door was locked. No-one could get in. They were safe. They were safe, they were safe, they were safe, they were safe, they were safe…

BANG BANG BANG “Logan!”

Roman watched Patton descend the stairs to the game room. He looked back twice, eyes big with worry for his dad. Roman smiled back, “Everything’s gonna be okay, Pat,” he said again. Finally, Patton nodded and went downstairs. He waited until he heard the door click shut before approaching Logan. "Lo?" he murmured. Logan faced the door, both hands pressed against it like he was pushing her away. He muttered under his breath and Roman stepped closer, trying to understand. “Lo? Tell me, what do you need?” he asked quietly and gripped his shoulder. “Logan?”

“No, please!” Logan cried and slid to the floor, hands covering his head.

Roman dropped his hand and leapt back. “Shit, Lo, I'm sorry. I—I didn't mean to startle you.” Logan was practically curled in a ball, trembling as he covered his head and his face. Not startled.

Terrified.

Roman took a deep breath, forcing calm into his body, then crouched down so he was nearly at eye level. “You're safe, Lo. I shouldn't have touched you without asking, Lo. I’m sorry. I won't do it again.” His trembling slowed. He was listening. "You're safe, Lo," Roman said again.

Still panting, Logan slowly lowered his arms and sat on the floor with his back pressed against the door. He blinked at him through watery eyes, tears dotting his lenses. “Ro—Roman?” After a long moment, his vision seemed to clear. “Roman.” He shook his head and sucked in an unsteady breath. “I… I'm sorry. I’m sorry. I…" Logan looked at the walls around them, almost confused about where he was. "I overreacted.” He shook his head, eyes fixed on the floor between them. “I… I'm sorry.”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey,” he murmured, keeping his voice low and steady. “No…” Roman tilted his head down to meet Logan’s eyes. “No. It's okay to not want someone to touch you without your permission, Lo.”

“You didn't… I'm fine. I'm sorry.” He pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them tight, fingertips white where they dug into his calves. A shield. His eyes grew more focused and he nodded. “I’m fine, I—" Logan's eyes shot up to Roman's. "Oh, god, Roman, I can't believe she said that. I'm so sorry.”

“You’re not responsible for her,” Roman gave him a lopsided grin. “There's a reason you divorced her, right?”

“Yeah,” Logan whispered and looked away, staring at a knot in the hardwood floor. Roman watched a tic under his eye jump, and how his hands shook against his legs. He still wasn’t breathing normally, either, holding his breath for an inordinately long time, and he seemed just a few steps away from wheezing. At this angle, Logan’s crooked fingers, the scar on his jaw and the other one by his ear were all visible. Roman had seen flashes of the burn that covered his palm, the mark where his wedding ring had seared the back of his finger just the most outward sign.

Realization crashed down on him, a wave of icy cold water that stole his breath as he stared at his… his friend.

“Hey, Lo?” Roman took another deep breath and sat completely, close enough that Logan could reach him if he wanted, but he didn’t invade his personal space again. “You can tell me to fuck off if I'm overstepping…” Logan looked up, eyes wide and guarded, and it took every bit of control Roman had not to just pull him right into his lap and wrap his arms around him. “Does she… does she hurt you?”

“What?” Logan shook his head and slid back, pressed into the corner near the door. He seemed to shrink, shoulders curled and arms wrapped even more tightly around his shins. “No. No, of c—course not. We h—h—hardly see ea—each other. It—it—it's…” Logan’s voice faded and he still wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Did she?” Roman’s voice was quiet and calm. Logan looked up.

“W—we…" His head wobbled, almost a nod. "We had some p—pretty hea—heated arguments.” Logan looked away and Roman's eyes fell on another scar on his chin. Up close, the one on his ear looked like it had been a tear right through his earlobe.

Roman nodded, forcing his hands to remain still in his lap and not just reach for him. He longed to push away the shadows Logan had wrapped around him, memories of old hurts. Kiss his scars and his tears, soothe his aches. But after the way he’d reacted before…

Logan followed his gaze and hid his scarred hand behind his leg. “P—Patton’s waiting for you downstairs.” He nodded up at the chore chart on the wall. “He's done all his chores. I don't know how you did that but…” Logan smiled. It was tight, and his bottom lip trembled, but was genuine. “He's earned some happy time.”

“You wanna come down and play with us? It's easy to add another player.” Roman slid just a bit closer. “Having his dad there would make it an actually happy time for him.”

“Um…” He swallowed, his breathing still erratic. “Yes. Yes…” Logan nodded his head rapidly, more a tremor than a sign of affirmation. “I… ah, j—just need to… maybe g—get some tea.” He swallowed again and breathed heavily through his nose, lip caught between his teeth.

Roman watched Logan’s tremor. He gave him a small smile as he reached out to touch his forearm, but pulled back at the last moment. “I can make it and you can relax—” He gestured toward the kitchen but Logan recoiled, shame filling his face even as he dodged Roman’s touch.

Biting his own lip, Roman tried again. “Would company help while you make it? Or would it be more helpful to have some alone time?”

Logan stared up at him, eyes wide, the question behind them clear. How do you always know?

“A few minutes alone might help, thank you,” he murmured. “T—to collect… collect myself. If you don't mind, I… I don't mean to—“

He met Logan’s eyes and poured his heart into his smile. “Of course I don’t mind.” He stood, then offered both hands. Logan stared at them for a long moment before gripping them, fingers cold and shaking, palms clammy. Roman squeezed gently, thumbs rubbing circles against the backs of his hands. Keeping his movements slow and steady, he helped Logan onto his feet and nodded. It was difficult to let go, and he couldn’t resist one more gentle squeeze before eventually releasing Logan’s hands.

He started back toward the stairs but looked over his shoulder, not really ready to leave him alone but wanted to give him what he asked for. “Is it okay if I come check on you in ten minutes if we don't see you down there by then?”

Logan nodded, still not completely himself, but his eyes had lost some of their haunted look and he met his gaze. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out and fresh tears welled. Finally, he made a little shooing gesture, a stiff smile painted on his face.

“We’ll see you in a bit. Ten minutes,” Roman emphasized with another smile. “And you know Patton, once he hears you’re playing, too, he won’t let you get out of it.”

---

Taglist: @crossiantgay Ask to be added :)

#The Uses of Adversity #ts logan #ts roman #ts patton #Kelly Croft - OC #Logan Sanders #Roman Prince #Patton Croft #logince #eventually #cw: flashback #cw: redacted slur

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bowtiesnmusicals · 1 year

Text

Here is my recap of the Tackling My Religion (Grilled Cheesus) episode of the podcast.

Today we are discussing Grilled Cheesus..Praise Him. This was said by Kevin.

Kevin also said his lactose intolerance could not handle this.

Jenna and Kevin talked about grilled cheese the night before they recorded the episode. Kevin said it was about this episode. They both did a Jennifer Coolidge impression saying they wanted to eat a grilled cheese so bad.

Alfonso directed this episode. The cast lovingly called him Fonsi.

He always tried new creative shots when he directed episodes. Jenna thinks Alfonso was a director of photography at one point. Kevin said his eye is very much that. Jenna said it is very much cinematic.

Fonsi would take time and care to do new shots. They scenes were beautifully shot and well thought out.

This episode aired October 5, 2010.

The #1 song was Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars.

The #1 movie was The Other Guys.

On October 9th the cast or maybe just Kevin and Jenna did an event with Adam Shankman at Models of Pride in LA. Kevin thinks that is where they met Dustin Lance Black.

Alfonso directed this episode and would direct many more to come.

Some reviews said the music over shadowed the show. Kevin and Jenna said they disagree. None of the songs really felt shoehorned in well maybe except Papa Can You Here Me.

There are 7 songs in this episode. This was the beginning of the music taking up the first page of the script because there was so much of it.

They synopsis for this episode is Finn believes he sees the face of Jesus in a grilled cheese sandwich. Random events have the members of the Glee Club questioning religion and god including a medical emergency with Kurt’s dad Burt.

Jenna said you have to remember this is a satire. That is what we are talking about with seeing Jesus in a grilled cheese. Someone made a cheesus sandwich maker after this episode. Kevin said oh no wait that’s real. He said it looks beautiful.

Kevin said after all the things they handled on the show handling religion was probably the most controversial they had done at the time. He said he thought it was done pretty well informed and surprising. You got a lot of different sides of the argument and different perspectives. It’s a little nerve wracking anytime you bring up religion especially in a network television show with kids that can say god knows what...no pun intended. He was surprised they tackled this. Jenna said she was surprised too. There were previous episodes that had a lot of Christian groups coming out against the show.

Ryan said this show is about inclusiveness and if we are going to include everybody then we have to include everybody. Jenna said so we are including everybody and this is part of it. She said she thinks it was really important to talk about this because everybody has their own opinions, viewpoints, and beliefs. Ryan always pushed the envelope but he did it tastefully. She said she thinks this episode was a beautiful representation of that. Kevin said it is interesting to watch currently at this time because of what his happening in like Texas with trying to put religion in public schools. He said he thinks this episode is one of things where if you let kids be kids. They didn’t want religion all the time but something traumatic going on and Mr. Schue let them have that moment. We also got some great moments with Sue. Good for them doing this on Fox in 2010. Jenna said as a cast behind the scenes they all had different beliefs. Kevin said some of these conversations happened in real life. Jenna said conversations sometimes happened in tandem with episodes. They would talk about them in the choir room between takes. Kevin said he has had almost verbatim conversations with other cast members. They all respect each other and their varying different viewpoints. He said that is displayed in the Kurt and Mercedes storylines in the episode. He said it was very meaningful that they put these things in the episode.

Chris got nominated for an Emmy because of this episode.

Cory’s performance in this episode is so good.

Finn makes himself a sandwich and finds Jesus burned into it. He prays that he wants to win a football game because god owes it to Artie. It comes true and it verifying to him that his belief in god is real and working. He goes into class and says he welcomed a man into his life and it’s Jesus and I want to pay tribute to him. This sets off everything. There are 3 things happening in this episode Finn and the grilled cheese, the Burt of it all, and the Glee Club taking up religion as a cause and Sue having feelings about that. Once Finn approaches this with the Glee Club all hell breaks loose because everyone has different opinion and they all feel very strongly about it. Jenna said this would be true if they were sitting in the choir room between takes and someone brought it up. Like if Cory brought it up and said he believe in God. This is the way they would have responded. Kevin doesn’t think this happened because they writers heard the cast talking about this stuff. A lot of times this season that will be the case but not this time. They just wanted to have that debate everyone wants to have and put it to paper.

Kurt doesn’t like Jesus and doesn’t go to church because he’s gay and believes the church doesn’t believe in gay people, women, or science. Mercedes says she doesn’t see anything wrong with getting a little church up in here. Quinn agrees. She had turned to god a lot in the last 9 months because of the baby. Santana says, “thanks for what, that it didn’t come out a lizard baby.” Brittany says whenever she prays she falls asleep. Puck says he doesn’t mind and says that spirituality is enjoying the life you’ve been given. Jenna said that was very shocking to come out of his mouth and she doesn't know where that scene came from. Kevin said that scene was so odd. It was nice they were bringing up spirituality but Puck. Puck is doing only doing songs by Jewish singers and composers. He does Only The Good Die Young. Jenna remembers shooting this and thinking this is an interesting choice of a number to do. Kevin said he thinks its a good version of it. Jenna said okay this is how we are kicking it off.

Finn then prays that Rachel gets bigger boobs. Later she lets him touch her boob. He touches her side boob and does the mail man face again. He thinks its working again and then decides lets see if we can make it 3 for 3. He prays to be the quarterback again. Kevin was wondering where is Sam. Sam has been m.i.a now. Chord comes back and Sam gets injured because of grilled cheesus. He gets injured and Finn becomes quarterback again. Finn feels confused and goes to Emma. Kevin said Emma is having a good counselor moment. She walks a fine line of okay here are the reasons why those things happened and why they don’t have to be attributed to you praying to grilled cheesus. Finn is disapointed and loses faith in the sandwich.

Jenna says she thinks of two songs when she thinks of Cory. Jesse’s Girl and Losing My Religion. Kevin said he thought of Kevin when he watched this song. This isn’t a song that makes him thinks about when he thinks about Cory. Jenna said whenever she hears Losing My Religion, not the Glee version, Cory comes up and she doesn’t know what it is. This number really struck her. She thinks its a great number and very much encompasses Cory’s ability to play Finn. This song fit his voice very well. This was the type of number and song and genre he wanted to sing. Kevin said Cory getting a song like this, the subject matter, was important. Jenna said the song got her. Kevin said understandable.

That is the overview of the satire of the show.

Then we get into the drama of Kurt and Burt. The emotion of the episode.

Burt wants Kurt to come to family dinner with Carole and Finn. This was something that started with Kurt’s mom. Kurt’s like no, he missed it the week before for a Grey’s Anatomy DVD and this weeks is something else. He’s really blowing it off and Burt is disappointed. Kevin said because Burt is the best it’s hard to see him feel that way. Jenna said it’s always the worst when they say the are disappointed in you, not angry, disappointed. Kevin said so much worse.

Burt has a heart attack and goes into a coma. Kurt’s at school. There is a whole montage of the teachers finding out and then pulling Kurt out to tell him.

Spoiler alert Burt will be in a coma for most of the episode. Jenna joked that is a dream role. Kevin said Mike O’Malley even just laying a coma is better then most of us. Jenna said best acting ever.

Back to Kurt, he is riddled with guilt and holds Burt’s hand. This launches a whole thing into the Glee Club. The religious members want to pray for him and do things for him but Kurt is adamant about no religion and rejecting it. That starts a lot of those more fiery debates about religion and god and especially having that in class. This is when Finn comes in and is upset that he is the last to know about it. Kurt shuts down basically saying he’s my dad and we aren’t a family.

Kevin said he really feels like Mercedes approach to this is beautiful. She is like I don’t know how or what to say to Kurt, her best friend, and then cue Amber singing I Look To You by Whitney Houston. Kevin just says yes. Jenna just says yes, yes, yes, yes. it’s a really beautiful moment and sets up a really nice thing later on for them in the episode. Kurt says thank you Mercedes and that he’s grateful. He still doesn’t believe in god. He thinks god is kind a jerk. Why would he make him gay, get taunted everyday, and put his dad in a coma? Kevin was shocked by the dialogue. He didn’t remember it. He said they were really going for it. He said that is the thing when you have a cast this big you can have all these different voices. Jenna said she thinks the idea was that Kurt was able to voice his opinion and then we could do the other side. They could do devils advocate and play the other side of it.

Meanwhile, Sue is going to tell Figgins the Glee Club is doing religion. She asks Kurt to file a complaint about Schue teaching religion. It’s not exactly why you would think. Emma confronts Sue about the religion stuff. We get to see another layer of Sue. She tells a story about how her sister was her hero and praying every night for her to get better. She basically believing in god a fantasy. Figgins decides the Glee Club can’t sing about religion or spirituality anymore.

Kevin said he likes Tina’s line here. Tina said, “last week we were too sexy, this week we are too religious, we can’t win.” Brittany says, “now I know what Miley feels like.” Kevin said Tina was the voice of the writers at this time. It’s never going to be right.

Then we see the Glee Club inserting their support to Kurt in different ways. Kurt doesn’t react so well to the help they are offering. Rachel sings Papa Can You Here Me. Jenna said she remembers them shooting this. She asked Kevin if they went to that shoot. Kevin said no, they were shooting late and had to do a night shoot and Lea told them all about it. They shot it at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Lea gave them the lowdown and Jenna said maybe that is why she thinks she was there.

Kurt comes with an acupuncturist believing in the science behind the medicine of it all. He is pissed and very upset. Romy(Carole) is there being the voice of reason saying people will show even if you don’t ask because they want to be there. Kurt asks everyone to leave.

This leads into Kurt singing I Want To Hold Your Hand. Jenna said there were a lot of memories associated with this song. Chris sang it on tour. Kevin said he hates Chris so much, he’s so talented. Jenna said song was emotionally so beautiful and the montage got her choked up. She doesn’t associate this emotion with this number. This is because the cast was playing a game during filming. Usually the games were off camera. This time it was on camera. The premise was that if Chris made eye contact with you then you had to pretend to be dead. This just meant close your eyes and put your head down. Jenna said he would get them at really bad times. Andrew Mitchell the camera operator was going around in slow circles to get reactions. When it was behind Chris’s head he would wink and the camera would be on them and they would have to very subtly die. Kevin said unlike the other times like during Fix You they held it together because they couldn’t see each others faces. Jenna remembers Chris getting Amber dying at one point and not looking. She remembers Chris winking at Amber and telling herself she can’t look. Kevin said he remembers that Chris would be crying beautifully and as soon as the camera was off him he would stop crying and look up and search the crowd. He looked at Dianna, winked, and Dianna, who is on camera now because it’s behind Chris, very slowly and gently puts her head down like she is contemplating this very serious song. He saw it out of the corner of his eye and was about to lose it. He was so impressed by how seamlessly she did that, that he was more in awe in anything. This was not the last time they played this game. Kevin said Chris had to cry a lot. There were times he would need a second before they would do a take. Jenna said he was down. Kevin said he was so in and didn’t care that it was that heavy. He said it worked and it didn’t come off like they were playing a game in that scene. They laughed the whole time they told this story. Jenna said there is a game on stage where you pass the sticker or figurine. It’s very similar. She played it while doing the Wedding Singer in Pittsburgh. There was a little tiny care bear and they would pass it around. They would have to their scene while holding the object. She said her costar he would have to propose to her every night. His back would be to the audience while he opened the box and something different made it’s way into the box one night it was the care bear and another time a ring pop.

Kevin said these are probably two of his favorite scenes. Mercedes is like Kurt you are pushing your friends away, would you just come to church with me. It’s fine you get to wear a fabulous hat and the service will be dedicated to your dad. Kurt says you had me at fabulous hat. It’s a really sweet moment, Mercedes said it is okay you don’t believe in god but we are going to do this and pray for your dad. Mercedes sings the Aretha version of Bridge Over Troubled Waters and it’s amazing. Jenna said she thinks this also meant a lot to Amber because Amber is religious. It was really beautiful to see. Kevin said showing different ways people are religious was really beautiful about this.

On the flip side you see Sue with her sister. It’s always just the best and Kevin had goosebumps talking about it. We are so used to seeing Jane play this hard, insane, and funny character. That is hard to do. She is an incredible actor. Kevin said he thinks the depth of her ability is really displayed when she can switch and do an episode like this where she and Genie have a conversation about god. Genie says that she prays for Sue and that god never makes mistakes. It’s this really beautiful, tender, and quiet moment. Kevin was just in awe. Afterwards the Glee Clubs sings One Of Us. Schue said the kids wanted to do it, I couldn’t say no, I hope you don’t say anything. Sue says she won’t. It was just really beautiful. This episode goes from Finn praying to a grilled cheese to someone about to lose a parent to someone defending their sister and conflicted with how they feel about religion. Kevin said he thought this was one of those episodes that really balanced that beautifully. It was written so so well. Alfonso executed it beautifully as well.

We go back to the hospital and Kurt talks about Friday night dinners and apologizing. He says I don’t believe in god, dad, but I believe in you and us. You and me that is what is sacred to me and I am so sorry I never got to tell you that. Kevin said oof goosebumps. Then Burt starts to squeeze his hand and Kurt calls for nurse Nancy. Kevin said they got their Grey’s Anatomy moment.

Jenna said then we go into the United Colors of Benetton or like a Gap ad. She said whenever they are in numbers like that like Sing or One or this one she always laughs because they look like a United Colors of Benetton ad. Kevin said absolutely and talk about that they had gone too long on the songs. This edit was just simply a verse and the last hook. The tv edits were like 90 to 120 seconds this one must have bene like 60 seconds. It went immediately to Amber and Lea wailing at the end of the song. Let’s just keep it moving. Straight to the point.

The episode ends with Finn eating the sandwich.

Kevin doesn’t think he spoke in this episode. He was a very expensive extra.

Tarte Takes:

Cringe Moment/Ouches - Kevin’s choice was Finn saying god owes Artie because he screwed him in the leg department. Kevin said he’s a kid so we will allow it. Jenna’s was when Finn mistaking the acupuncturist for Kurt wanting to pray in Muslim. Kevin said yeah maybe that actually wins.

Worst Dance Move - Not a dance move but Jenna said she has the worst background vocals in I Look To You. It’s supposed to be her and Quinn but they didn’t sing the background vocals. Their mouths don’t match the vowels at all. Jenna said they cut to Quinn and Tina and she was shocked. She thinks quickly and abruptly said they needed background vocals on the song. Kevin said this absolutely what happened.

Best Song - Jenna’s choice is Losing My Religion. Kevin is Bridge Over Troubled Waters.

Best Prop - Grilled Cheesus. Kevin asked if Cory really ate it. Jenna said yeah. She thinks he took a bite. That Cory would eat it. Kevin said he absolutley would and wouldn’t care.

Best Line - Kevin said he liked Tina’s line about being too sexy one week and to or religious this week. Jenna’s is Brittany’s line about is god an evil dwarf. Her delivery of it was spot on.

Shit We Found On TikTok:

There is a video of Miley Cyrus from back in the day. Out of context Hannah Montana posted this on TikTok. She is talking to Ryan Seacrest and she said someone the other day asked if she was a Gleek. She said what the heck is a Gleek, that is not something I want to be. They have a whole conversation about her having never seen Glee and it’s quite hilarious. Kevin thought it was appropriate because Brittany referenced Miley in this episode. Kevin asked Jenna if she’s ever met Miley. Jenna said maybe at a Teen Choice awards but other then that no.

Next week is Duets. Kevin said he is excited. He loves duets...he thinks. He has a storyline so remembers it. Jenna said she can’t wait to watch it.

#and that's what you really missed #atwyrm #jenna ushkowitz #kevin mchale #glee #podcast

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silkiemae · 1 year

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The Gloom Between Stars by Piper CJ

Welp, I finished this dumpster fire of a book and just…Piper, why? This book is as poorly written and edited as the self-published version of TNAIM. I know this was technically an ARC, but Piper advertised it as a free ebook. She was handing out bound copies at book signings, so this is the finished work that she plans on publishing. The sheer amount of misspelt words, anachronisms, grammatical errors, etc., was ridiculous. This book reads like the editors just gave up on actually doing their job because they knew Piper wasn’t going to listen to a word they said. And where in the hell were the sensitivity readers?

This book was an absolute MESS, just as overwritten, pretentious and melodramatic as usual. Not only that, but some of the wording is so ridiculous. ‘His equilibrium was bobbing?’ The same handholding was present in the last two installments. Piper clearly thinks very little of her readers, considering the fact that she has to spell things out for them and is unable to leave any room for interpretation. I feel like I’m being talked to like an idiot through all 600 pages of this. Cherry picking from other religions, yet still trying to make it seem like there’s only one religion(the All-Mother), yet there are mentions of Yggdrasil(Norse myth), Seraphim(Christianity), and Bodhi(Buddhism). To be completely honest, I think Piper CJ is one of those authors that if anyone were to tell me they loved her and their books, I would immediately not trust them. These books are racist, ableist, plagiarized, misogynistic, and have absolutely horrid depictions of sex work. She doesn’t think suicide is enough to give a trigger warning but consensual breathplay that was not actually consensual is. And then she goes ahead to make jokes about the “consensual breathplay” like what she wrote wasn’t incredibly harmful. There’s also the fact that those who claim to love Piper and her books are incredibly cult-like with the way they blow smoke up her ass and reject any critiques against her. If you cannot handle criticism, you should not be an author. Sorry, Piper, but it’s true.

I truly wish that Bloom had some integrity and would not allow this fast publishing thing Piper is trying to do. All she is doing is barfing out a first draft and calling it done. She is not doing any of the work that is needed when writing a book, and this crap is what we’re left with. These books are not good at all, but if Piper had actually spent time on them, if she had listened to any feedback, then these books could’ve been good. There is potential in her prose, and she does a good job with sensory detailing, but she goes over the top every time and then, of course, there’s the problematic content that she refuses to acknowledge. This book spends far too much time explaining to us the thought process of everyone’s plans and telling us their feelings rather than showing them to us. It makes for an incredibly dull read. Just an example of how the majority of sentences are phrased in this book. “She thrust out a leg to sweep the stance of the corpse before picking up and continuing her run.” Do you really want to try and tell me that an editor read that sentence and said it was fine the way it was? Really? Anyway, on to the review.

So, we start where TSAIS left off; yet again, there is little to no recapping. Nox & Co. are chasing after Amaris, who has been kidnapped by Nox’s father, King Ceres. Ceres believes that Amaris was born to be his tool to start a war with Queen Moirai since she’s the one who cast the illusion spell over his people and is the reason he lost his wife and child. The writing with this is incredibly convoluted because, in book one, we’re told that Ceres believed he had a son, then in book two, we’re told that Daphne(Nox’s mother and Ceres’ lover) had switched out her daughter for a son with her husband’s complexion. The husband is not King Ceres, so why did the Raascot fae ever suspect that Daphne’s alleged ‘son’ was Ceres’? She spread the rumor that the boy was her nameless husband’s in an attempt to hide the truth from him, but he found out anyway and killed the boy and beat Daphne to death. So, somehow, this nameless husband has vanished after murdering both the princess and her son, and yet nobody seems to be aware of this? We never learn what happened to this guy, and Queen Moirai has literally been acting as if there is a Crown Prince, but it’s an illusion. So who is the Crown Prince that she’s conjuring? Is it the nameless husband? Is it the child who’s really dead? This is why Piper needed a developmental editor because none of this makes sense.

As Nox and her companions follow after Ceres and Amaris, Nox is fuming, hating everyone, and blaming them all for what happened to Amaris. To help, Malik leads her into the woods and goes down on her. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ This is the first chapter. As this is happening, Nox thinks longingly of the days she was a sex slave and used to suck men's souls out through their dicks. Nox admits to preferring women, but Malik is the exception—and again, as I stated in my last review, this was so poorly done. Nox has been depicted as someone who is repulsed by the touch of men and has been desperate to escape them so that she can be with Amaris, yet Malik does the bare minimum, and she is all for him. It doesn’t make sense. He didn’t do anything to earn her trust; he just was there. There are no meaningful conversations between them to give us the inclination that they might have feelings for each other. It’s just horniness and sensory details. After this, they try and figure out the fastest way to reach the army—why this didn’t happen in the first chapter instead of Nox getting head, I don’t know. But anyway, Yazlyn and Nox bicker, preparing us for their inevitable enemies-to-lovers arc. Honestly, a lot of this reads like Piper didn’t know wtf to write, so she jumped ahead and never came back to fix any of it. Honestly, that’s what the whole book reads like.

Eventually, they catch up to the army, and they’re attacked by mud demons, but nobody ever does anything useful to defeat them. Gadriel fucks off to go try, and reason with Ceres, who refuses to listen to reason—which, I get, but the way it’s written is just so absurd. They’re fist-fighting and sword-fighting while Ceres’ people are being massacred around them. The others realize that the demons are blind and have super hearing and start shouting to one another that they should be quiet(LMFAO, idiots) and are like, “Sound is our enemy!”. Can anyone think of who might be incredibly useful in this type of fight? I can. Fucking Amaris. Who has a sonic boom power. Gadriel never once considers finding her and having her use her abilities to help defeat these monsters. Not a single person ever considers using sound to their advantage, and these are supposed to be people who are trained in tactics and monster hunting. Yet none of them can come up with a plan to fight the demons. Like, wtf? I think Piper wrote herself into a corner with the whole ‘demons can’t be killed’ thing because we get scenes like this, with people fapping around, looking like absolute morons. There are five pages of Nox freaking out as she tries to cross a river because she’s a demon who can’t cross running water.

At some point, Malik finds a fae who can apparently control the demons. Again, the magic in this series has absolutely no rhyme or reason. The fae have no designated powers; the only thing we know is that the Raascot fae have powers associated with nightlife. And so far, that has been shadow magic, sucking souls out through sex, night vision, can get your neck broken and not die, can warm your body, can fly, etc. (what do any of those have to do with the other?) Why is Yazlyn so much weaker than her fae comrades? She does the same sort of exercise, does she not? Obviously, she has a different build than them, but there’s no reason why Yazlyn can’t be buff af too. Anyway, Malik stops the fae who was controlling the demons, Amaris got burned and is in a ditch somewhere, Nox finds Gadriel with her dad and is like, oh hello, father, and then he finally realizes that Gadriel was right all along, and instead of, idk, trying to make amends, or maybe help his kingdom he just is like ‘omg I fucked everything up here, take my kingdom!’ And kills himself. This was the clumsiest handling of suicide I have ever read. Not only does Piper give us a tw for ‘consensual breathplay’ (again, it was not actually consensual), but she doesn’t give a tw for suicide. Now, while I don’t believe that every book requires tw, I do understand why they’re there and considering Piper set a standard for including them in book 2, they should be included throughout the entire series. But again, doing the actual work is too hard for Piper, apparently.

So, Nox’s father kills himself for shock value and as a lazy way to thrust her onto the throne. They call his death a sacrifice, making it into something noble and historic when it’s not that at all. The way suicide is handled in this is just beyond insensitive, and once again, WHERE ARE THE SENSITIVITY READERS, PIPER?

After this little battle, we return to the Raascot castle. For the next three hundred pages, nothing happens. They hang out in the castle, they train, they talk, and they have poorly written sex. Nothing of substance happens whatsoever. I’ll tell you what does happen. Nox and Amaris reunite for the third time, and instead of being separated by physical circumstances, they have a really stupid fight. Nox, obviously, is traumatized after witnessing her father’s suicide, but Amaris, once again, is thinking all about her horniness and starts trying to make a move on Nox. Nox is like, uh no, wtf stop and Amaris, as usual, can’t handle rejection. They haven’t had a single conversation about what happened during their separation, they have only ever made out during their reunions, and now that they actually have the time and safety to have this discussion, Amaris is more interested in losing her virginity. Nox drops the bomb on Amaris that she is really the manifestation of prayer, and Amaris’ reaction is, WOW, HOW CRUEL ARE YOU TO SAY SUCH THINGS, NOX? Now knowing that Amaris was created solely for Nox, Nox is questioning if their feelings are real. And here is how Amaris chooses to respond.

”You feel confused? You, who has been such a constant in my entire life, even when I’ve had crushes on boys or liked men and spent years questioning what this relationship meant to me, only to finally accept that you are my exception. I love you, Nox. You’re the only woman I’ll ever want. Meanwhile, if the kingdom’s rumors are to be believed, you’ve been off fucking anyone and everything………..You’ve spent your whole life knowing the goddess made your heart for women, haven’t you? That wasn’t me, Nox. Do you know how confusing it’s been for me? I grew up liking boys! I like men. I do. I like fighting with them, I like training with them, I like wrestling and flirting and spending time with them. I’ve tried and failed on more than one occasion to create something with a man. And here you’ve been, destroying my feelings and twisting my head for years. You’ve had years to experience the world, you’ve let goddess knows who into your bed—but you were it for me. I thought that made this special, Nox. Finally, after all this time, I want the same thing you’ve always wanted. But the instant it was my choice in return, you turn me away. Do you know how fucked up that is?… We’ve had our whole lives to adjust! We’ve had two decades of time! Meanwhile, I still can’t get rid of my goddess damned maidenhood while you—”

SO basically, Amaris is a fucking hypocrite. She called Nox a whore, and Amaris wants to lose her maidenhead REAL BAD. “You’ve had years to experience the world” She was locked up in a brothel as a sex slave, Amaris, while you fucked off with the reevers and learned to fight. Are you really that mad that your brothers-in-arms didn’t want to fuck you? Also, confirmation that Nox is a lesbian with an exception for only one man. And Amaris is straight, with an exception for only one woman. That’s not bisexuality, Piper. “You were it for me” You…. literally tried to fuck Gadriel. And Ash. You lying sack of shit. The way Amaris is mad for being rejected and not at all concerned about Nox, who just watched her father die in front of her, learned she was heir to both kingdoms and is now a queen to a kingdom she has no business or knowledge of how to run. Nox deserves far better than Amaris, and I hope this series ends with her(Amaris') death. Because that’s the only way I’ll be satisfied.

After this fight, they decide they can’t be together until Amaris breaks the curse, and they can find out if their love is real. In the meantime, Nox assaults Yazlyn by shoving her forearm against her throat and then asks if she wants to fuck. The sex scenes are described uncomfortably, where the line of consent is incredibly fuzzy. But this is not the first time Piper has had issues with consent in her books, so I shouldn’t be surprised. Also, the written sex is gross It’s written as if the author has never actually been intimate with a woman because I can promise you it is not a bunch of “puddles and wetness and soaked sheets”. You’re not just squirting the whole time. I don’t think Piper has any concept of how to actually write spice because all these are a bunch of flowery metaphors. And then, of course, Amaris and Gadriel are still doing their choking/finger bang sessions because her power is tied to her sense of arousal. WTF? There’s also that last scene with Malik and Nox that will haunt me til the end of my days. ‘The complementary cream that frosted his muscles.” Are you fucking KIDDING?

The fae that Malik caught turns out to be an extremist who thinks the world needs to be purified of all fae creatures with human blood. She doesn’t mind humans as long as they don’t dally with the fae. She calls Ash a mongrel and calls Nox ‘it’. Kinda like how the author calls Nox ‘it’ in her first book title. “The Night and its Moon.” Now, this nazi fae is from Sulgrave, which has been depicted as East Asia…(wow, Piper) (also, how is Gadriel South Asian if his parents are from Sulgrave?) They literally end up treating this racist like a little pet. They give her a special room, give her books when she’s good, call her lovely and adorable and then give her some ‘exposure therapy’ by forcing her to hang out with Ash, who is both half-fae and white. And then….they fall in love. And it makes no sense at all as to why. All we know about Tanith is that she’s a racist zealot, and then she’s depicted as this little flower who needs to be rescued by Ash all the time. There’s a scene where Ash’s dad, Elil, goes apeshit and tries to kidnap the nazi because she’s an ‘enemy of the continent’, and Ash literally calls the statement deranged. Bro…he’s right. Honestly, the fact that I’m siding with the person meant to be depicted as raving is wild to me. Because he is right that Tanith is a danger to them all, and they’re being absolute morons by treating her the way they do. If it were to come back and bite them in the ass, Elil would be completely justified in being like, ‘told ya so’. Like, Ash legit tells his dad the nazi’s life is worth more than his dad’s. By the end of this, they behave as if Tanith has overcome her racism by being with Ash, but there is no evidence of that anywhere in the text. Nox even expresses that she hopes that Ash can ‘turn her’ with his lovemaking skills. Like, oh, you can just stop being racist if you fuck the person you’re prejudiced against! Do you think she’s changed because she asked Ash to stay with her after he rescued her from his dad? That could literally be tactical. She simply learns to tolerate them and hide her prejudice. Both Nox & Ash even say that they doesn’t think Tanith has shown any distance for her radical beliefs, but it’s okay because now she’s their friend—she’s not evil, Ash loves her, he would die for her, but she’s still a zealot.… Nox takes Tanith shopping to buy her a fancy new cloak, and they let her play ‘paintball arrows’ with the rest of their group; Ash falls in love with her in .2 seconds after she says ‘I’m sorry’ for nothing in particular and then crawls into bed with him. He buys her basically a promise ring of her favorite gemstone. Wtf? There were like four POV chapters from Ash with Tanith, and nowhere was there any room for romantic development or even character development from Tanith. Nowhere was there any de-radicalization of her racism. It reads more like the author is telling us we should be sympathetic to racists because they don’t know any better, and we should just be kind to them and befriend them, and eventually, they will learn to tolerate the people they are prejudiced against. But, uh, no. That’s not at all what anyone should be doing. We are told that Ash hated Tanith and then grew to like, then love her but it is never shown on the page at all. Just suddenly, they’re in love and Tanith is still racist.

Three hundred pages of dithering around until some action finally happens. Amaris, Malik, Yazlyn and Gadriel are sent out to kill Queen Moirai. Three hundred pages of reading about Amaris and Nox screwing other people and not having a single conversation discussing what the other has been through, but they make up anyway right before Amaris leaves to kill the Queen. I’m not entirely sure how anyone is meant to see an actual romantic relationship between these women when there is absolutely none present. The first book was a lot of longing on Nox’s part but none on Amaris’. The second book was more of the same, but Nox found a new beau who would eat her out, so she stopped thinking so much about Amaris. Now in book three, they barely think about one another. This is not the star-crossed bisexual romance I was promised. Anyway, they’re sent to Farleigh to ensure that the convenient manufactured items they were given will block the curse, only to find out that Agnes, the Gray Matron is a racist. She calls Gadriel and Yazlyn demons and seems more disgusted by their wings than anything. This is funny, imo because not only was Nox described as having bronze skin(but then later told she looks like her mother, who was white), so why wasn’t she treated with the same disrespect? She is clearly not a white person from Farehold, I’m pretty sure that Agnes was there when Nox was named, so she’s well aware that her name was Nox so she wouldn’t forget the night. So why the fuck is she suddenly racist towards the Raascot fae? Why did she suddenly seem to forget why Nox was named Nox and who Nox actually was? Because there’s no way she didn’t know. It doesn’t make any logical sense that she wouldn’t. Also, Amaris can call Gadriel ‘demon' and get away with it, but when Agnes does it, it’s racist…. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Come on, Piper.

Amaris has mastered her persuasion ability off-page, apparently, because now she’s persuading everyone without issue. To get into the castle, they decide to have Malik drive, and Amaris sits in the back with Gadriel and Yazlyn and then rips off Star Wars by pulling a ‘these are not the droids you’re looking for’ moment. On the carriage ride, Gadriel tells Amaris she’s the most amazing person to exist. ‘You are the most beautiful creature on this earth. You are the most talented assassin I’ve ever met. You are brave, you’re intelligent, you are quick on your feet, and you are incredibly capable.” I can provide text evidence to refute every one of those points. Amaris is an idiot and a coward. She literally goes into the castle with no plan at all. And spends the entire chapter explaining what everyone else is going to do. Like, ma’am, please stop.

Gadriel also says no other man is allowed to touch her, but apparently, it’s fine if Nox does it. Honestly, I fucking hate men like that.

The last sixty pages were the most exciting part of this book. Moiroi has invited all the nobles to her castle to lure Raascot’s sneaky task force to Aubade so that she can send all her forces to Gwydir. While Amaris & co. are trying to infiltrate Aubade, Nox & co. are being attacked by Farehold soldiers led by The Hand & The Hammer. The Hand is none other than Millicent, the brothel owner with the slithery reptile death hand, so she’s named after her disability…nice. The Hammer is some random buff dude with a spiked mace. Nox faces off against Millicent who tells her she killed Emily with no prompt whatsoever—honestly, I forgot about Emily because so did Nox. Nox throws Chandra and even though she’s sucked at it this whole time, she manages to hit her target and cut off Millicent’s death hand and then that’s done. Ash lets Tanith out of her binds(because even though she’s still a racist zealot, she’s not evil apparently, and Ash would die for her), and she incinerates a bunch of soldiers and Ash’s dad(even though Ash’s eyes were closed during this scene he somehow sees everything that happened, huh.)

Meanwhile, Amaris has been spending time trying not to repeat her past mistakes by whispering to every guard in Aubade to stand down if any fighting happens, but this ends up backfiring beautifully when an army of ghouls shows up to kill everyone. I thought this part of the book was very clever, but once again, it’s overwritten, and the reader’s hand is held throughout the entire thing. While Amaris chases after Moiroi, she’s unable to harm her because she has a ward protecting her. Instead of having Amaris figure out herself that the ward is her crown, Yazlyn literally shouts the answer to her while Moiroi stands there listening and gaping like, ’oh no! They’ve discovered my plan!’ Amaris then stands there for another few minutes debating on how to remove the crown from her head when she could literally throw a dagger and knock it off. But apparently, the All-Mother gave her the gift of shock wave specifically to knock the crown off her head. What? There are several more pages of Amaris agonizing over how to knock off the crown/summon her shock wave without being horny, and then Moiroi calls Amaris a witch, but isn’t she also a witch?

Oh my god, so we finally get the answer about the illusion of the Crown Prince. Moiroi has been creating an illusion of the boy she thought was her grandson this whole time to keep the people together. Idk that seems a bit ridiculous, imo. Did she not care about her daughter disappearing/dying? What happened to the husband who killed them both because Moiroi allegedly knows about him? That’s what I want to know. We also learn that Daphne was pregnant before Moiroi cursed Raascot, so how long after the curse was she married off? How far along in the pregnancy was she when Moiroi cast the curse? And how was it that Moiroi wasn’t present when Daphne gave birth? When royalty gives birth, it’s typically a whole affair with midwives and the lot, so how did no one but Agnes and the Temple Priestess know that she had a daughter? And also, considering Moiroi believed the grandson to be the nameless husband’s son, it also refutes the whole plot point in book one, where the Raascot fae were searching for King Ceres’ son. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ This is why you needed a developmental editor, Piper. Also, can I say that the dialogue in these books is absolutely atrocious? Nobody talks like this. At all.

Why is everyone in this book gagging? Is it because they’re as disgusted by Piper’s writing as I am? This book should be the last one with Amaris lingering on the precipice of death, and then she should stay dead. The End.

#piper cj #the gloom between stars #the night and its moon #book review #the sun and its shade #book rant

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