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xunolic · 2 years

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ten dates: unmatched! (l.cn)

𖥻 . . pairing: non-idol!chan x fem!reader

𖥻 . . wc: 17.9k

𖥻 . . au(s): exes to enemies not really(?) to lovers; rom-com, angst, smut

𖥻 . . summary: once you and chan broke up, you decided to be cordial enough to stay friends with him. however, you’ve finally moved on and are taking on dating again. as you beg chan for advice, you should've known he’d grow tired of it.

𖥻 . . warnings: explicit language, alcohol is mentioned a ton, explicit sexual content, unprotected sex (wrap the willy silly), chan says “pretty girl” quite a bit, he also has a pretty big gratification kink.

a/n: minors do NOT interact! also, reader is race neutral. i finally finished! this was proofread quite a bit, yet there might still be mistakes :\ feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated! i hope you all enjoy! :))

date one.

it was an ordinary saturday night. people in their early 20s would be out, getting drunk with pals, clubbing with the right people, having one-night stands, yet here you were, decked out in a tight dress and uncomfortable heels in a fancy restaurant with the worst date. the man you got to know on tinder was not who he presented himself to be in real life… obviously. the man, yoon jeonghan, that was supposed to be focused on you had his intentions set on a poor waitress that was oblivious to his advances. it wasn't that he was focusing more on her, it was more so he wasn’t being interested in anything but her, a weird infatuation of sorts. he spared you a glance once or twice, his eyes widening with shock once he, what you assumed, remembered why he was at the restaurant in the first place.

“so have you found anything you wanted yet?” he finally asked, clearing his throat, looking at you with disinterest. it irked you that someone who had invited you out had wasted your time bringing you out of the comfort of your home just to neglect you. once he spoke, you could do nothing but scoff. you stood grabbing your bag as you tucked it under your arm.

“yeah, i want to get out of here. thanks,” you walked away, your red stilettos clicking on the marbled floors. jeonghan sat there confused before standing up to walk after you. you were slightly shocked he had come after you, thinking he wanted nothing to do with you.

“hey!”

“please leave me alone, i’d like to get home n–”

“–you had a cocktail so you know…”

you let out another exasperated scoff, “fuck off.” of course he wasn't coming after you, he’d come to ask for money after that poor excuse of a date.

you stood at a nearby bus stop, tugging your phone out of your small clutch, dialing the number of someone you knew would be there for you during these types of times. it rang twice before you heard the soft voice of your ex, the sound bringing a small smile to your face. “chan.. come over, i’ll order food and whatever drinks you want, just– just come please.”

he had told you that he was hanging out with vernon and seungkwan at some run-down lounge and you opted into going to them. you toed the heels off your feet asking for the address and once he told you, you realized how close you were. you rushed to the location finding him with a hand in his pocket, his other wrapped around the phone he held to his ear. chan had persuaded you to stay on the phone with him until you made it to the lounge, which you argued against, but he didn't take no for an answer.

“i’m here,” you informed through the phone from a building across the street from the one he was standing at. he looked around before his eyes landed on you. chan could've sworn his eyes flew out of his sockets by the way he gawked at your appearance. he’d always thought you looked beautiful in red and wasn't he a smart man to think so. he let the phone drop from his ear as you ran over to him. “hi,” you muttered.

“bad date?”

“please, don't remind me of it,” you chuckled, walking past him to walk into the lounge, smiling as you caught sight of vernon and seungkwan sitting at a table in a near corner of the place.

“woah, i didn't know it was this type of gathering,” seungkwan laughed, standing from his seat to hug you. you hugged him back but pulled away from the hug just in time to steal his seat in the booth beside the wall. “you sly woman.”

you shrugged with a cunning smirk, waving at vernon who was in front of you before you watched chan slip into the seat next to him. seungkwan grabbed the seat beside you, waving over the waiter whose eyes lingered on you for longer than you liked. the stares he was sending soon made you uncomfortable as you shifted in your seat, catching chan’s attention. seungkwan looked toward you as if asking what you wanted, but before you could respond, chan spoke to the male.

“she’ll get a long island iced tea, thanks,” chan said, not sparing the waiter a glance as he looked your way, noting the way you were staring down at the table. “seungkwan, give y/n your jacket.”

you looked toward chan, but his attention was focused on his drink. you felt the jacket cover your shoulders as you looked at seungkwan, saying a quick thank you before glancing back at your ex. he was talking to vernon about something that was too muffled to catch.

if there were three things you learned while being in a relationship with lee chan was that precious things shouldn't be taken for granted, relationships aren't a fairytale, and dating would definitely not last forever no matter how great you acted in front of people. it wasn't that dating him wasn't the best time of your life, it was more like, as weird as it sounds, arguments were a common thing with you two even if you thought being with him was the best. vernon was usually an accomplice to each argument, sitting there until one of you stood up and he had to jump in to calm you both down. you never intended to argue in front of vernon, he usually came to sit in on them making sure neither of you was bold enough to break the other's neck.

chan was a sweetheart, not only to you but to everyone around him. and that smile, dammit that smile of his could melt anyone’s heart. even when you both got out of the cookie-cutter honeymoon stage of your relationship, he still took you on dates, gave you massages, and calmed you through fears of yours, through those two years he was truly the love of your life… or so you thought.

the breakup was messy, probably the messiest you'd ever been through. miscommunication after miscommunication led to both of you lashing out for the final time. vernon wasn’t there to separate you two, he wasn't there to force both of you to come to your senses, and he wasn't there to stop chan from slamming the door of your apartment in your face as you yelled out words you didn't mean. you remember sobbing in your room, alone, with no one to contact. you wanted to call seungkwan, but since he was close friends with chan you knew he'd be there for him instead of you.

you hated lee chan at that moment, you hated the world, as dramatic as it sounded, you hated yourself. ever since that night, you grimace at the way both of you acted that night. it was never talked about again for some reason even a year later, vernon and seungkwan were nonetheless confused when they saw you hanging out with chan again, laughing and giggling together. since it was never brought up, you both spent that time working on yourselves, cliche? maybe.

you finally decided to take on dating, not realizing how hard it was without being in high school around the boy you found attractive. it was the real world where you were forced onto dating apps to talk with random men who varied from sweet to “send nude” guys.

as the waiter sat down your drink, you found a slip of paper underneath the drink as he gave you a wink before walking off. chan caught the wink and looked down at the table, rolling his eyes at the slip of white paper that he knew had the other guy's number.

you picked up the slip of paper, ripping and crumpling it as you stuffed it in your bag. chan gave you an unnoticeable smirk before sipping on his drink.

“okay so, when a guy acts like you don't exist when he’s the one who invited you out, what're you supposed to do then? he's the fucking jerk right?” you asked the group, eyes training on the second glass of liquor you had creating a water circle underneath it.

“absolutely! see, sometimes, dudes can be garbage. take him for example,” seungkwan pointed at a random man who was sleazily brushing up on a woman near the bar. “you can tell she's uncomfortable, right? but guess who doesn't take the hint? him!”

vernon nodded along with seungkwan, taking a shot of vodka, squeezing his eyes closed at the taste. all of you had a substantial amount of alcohol which left you tipsy enough to tell them almost everything that happened on the 30-minute date you went on.

“dating really does suck… i don't know if i want to go through that shit again.”

“you'll be back on one, chan, on the other hand, my guy went on one date, hated it, and never went on one again,” vernon pointed out, leaning his head back against the backrest. chan looked at his hyung, the side of his lip rising in annoyance. chan was only sipping lightly since he was kind of responsible for his friends and you. he sat and listened about how your date went, biting back words he wanted to say about the man you were out with.

the end of the night had come around and you all left the building before you could get one last shot in you. chan had stuffed seungkwan in a cab, seungkwan blowing his hot breath on the window, drawing a heart with his fingers before the cab drove away. since you’d given seungkwan his jacket back, you sat in the chilly weather on a bus stop bench, warming yourself with your hands.

“cold?” chan asked, sitting beside you, vernon following after. you nod, and in no time you felt the jean fabric of chan’s jacket against your shoulders. you grabbed onto it, holding it close before watching the bus pull up. chan and vernon lived three apartment buildings down from you hence why you were both taking the same bus. you stumbled your way onto the bus, absentmindedly walking right past and not paying your bus fee. you heard, “for three.” behind you as you sat in a seat, resting your head on the window.

chan forced vernon to sit beside you as he stood beside the seat, looking at the both of you. vernon was a dazed drunk as he yawned, staring at the seat in front of him and you, you were just tired. you wanted to go home and sleep and forget about everything that happened that night. as the bus came to a stop, you handed chan his jacket back as he turned to vernon.

“walk safe, i’ll give you water when i get home,” chan said. vernon nodded, waving at you before trudging away.

you looked at chan with a pout, “i’m fine enough to walk home myself.” you watched as he looked at his watch, shaking his head as he began walking towards your apartment building.

“it’s almost 2 am… i’m not letting you walk alone.”

you followed behind him until you reached the front of the large complex, waving chan off as he went in the opposite direction. once you finally walked inside of your apartment, you took everything off, plopping on your bed. you went to sleep but not before your phone buzzed.

it’s a match!

you woke up with a mild headache and a burning urge to go shove scorching hot coffee down your throat. as you kicked yourself up from your comforter, you looked over at your window sill, finding the cat that usually perches there fast asleep. you smiled softly walking over, looking at the orange cat rest. you sighed sitting on your knees as you looked over the cat breathing with soft purrs. you sat there for a bit, the sleeping cat relaxing you more than you thought it would. as you stood up, you heard your phone ping over and over again causing a groan of annoyance to leave your mouth. you walked to your phone, picking it up, kim mingyu. you’d found mingyu interesting at first glance: tall, a chef, an art lover, he was a dream.

kim mingyu: hello, i saw we matched! i’d love to get to know you over dinner if you're okay with that :)

cute, you thought, texting him back. you told him you had only now just started texting him so you don't see why he'd want to meet so soon. he told you that he loves speaking to people in person more than anything, and your mind it instantly went to a murderer. you panicked a bit but as if he read your mind, he sent another message to inform you he wasn't a murderer of any sort. you laughed at yourself, telling him you'd meet up with him next friday and he quickly sent a location telling you where he’d be. once you tossed your phone down, it buzzed again.

lee chan: take medicine, drink loads of water, and rest if you need to.

you hated(no you didn't) how sickly sweet this man was. you fell back onto your bed, in hopes of a better date next week.

…

date two.

so, uh, it wasn't.

you walked into the restaurant, hyping yourself up outside before walking in, hell you were meeting a man that seemed different from the date you had last week, you needed a new approach. once you walked in, however, the one who called your name made you internally scream.

you had taken your seat and stared at the male as he scratched his neck awkwardly. you knew him, not as kim mingyu, but as lee minki, the same guy you’d seen the night of your last bad date in the lounge. the same name you had read on the name tag as he served your drink. the same guy who wrote his name on the slip of paper he’d given you with the booze.

“so–”

“i can explain!” he yelled, slapping a hand over his mouth as he saw a few people look over to your table.

you crossed your arms over your chest, rolling your eyes, “what’s there to explain? the only confusion i have is what idiot invites someone out they’ve catfished all week?”

“i saw you! you fucking ripped my number up the night i gave it to you, and i– i heard you talk about tinder dates and i realized you’re the girl i saw on tinder for mingyu, i’m sorry but at the same time i’m not.”

“who’s mingyu?”

“i don’t know… i found him on instagram.”

“yeah, see, no. first off, minki, you stared at my breasts all night that night, secondly, you made me super uncomfortable with all the weird winks, and then you continued to give off the worst fake cockiness. i’m not gonna apologize for not being attracted to you or your actions. so, i’m gonna leave now, please unmatch me from tinder,” you stood up, sending a short wave before walking off. you only walked so far until he grabbed your wrist, squeezing it a little bit too tightly.

“you can’t leave, i… i apologized, i said i was sorry!”

“please don’t do this minki, i need to go and you need help.”

“but–”

you didn’t let him finish as you tugged your wrist away, hurriedly rushing out. you stood at the curb, hugging yourself to warm up, looking over the many people who walked around the streets. “y/n! hey! at least…” minki ran up to you, catching his breath as he bent at the waist. once he stood upright, he looked over your face seeing your scowl. he cleared his throat, shoving his hands in his pockets, yet again masking his nervousness with fake conceitedness. “at least stay for some food, or we could go back to my place and i–”

“please, like i’d want to leave with a lying creep,” you saw your cab pull up as you bid the male goodbye, getting in the car, watching the poor guy sulk as the driver pulled away.

“he did what?” chan asked through the phone, a face mask on his face as he sipped his water.

“catfished me, that’s a first,” you responded, looking in your mirror before looking back at the phone at chan. you giggled softly at the gold sheet mask on his face, the white headband keeping his black hair out of his face. he could barely speak, wanting to keep the mask steady on his face. this was something both you and chan did regularly in your relationship, well when you weren’t arguing. you both would tuck under a blanket, cuddled up with sheet masks on as you ate pizza and watched cheesy rom-coms.

it was simplistic, but you loved every bit of the corny romantic moments you both shared. the lingering stares, the continuous kisses, the phenomenal sex after, all of it had the specialist part of your heart taken.

“are you laughing at me?” he asked, the sound still slightly muffled because of his mumbling.

“oh absolutely, you look funny and i’m not talking about the mask,” you laughed, applying lotion to your face as you walked into your room. “you should’ve come over, i ordered pizza. you could’ve even brought vernon.”

“what kind of pizza?”

“um.. shit… what pizza did i get?”

“dumbass.”

you laughed, sitting on the edge of your bed, tucking your feet underneath you. you sat your phone down on a pillow, watching chan rush to the bathroom to remove the mask. “so, do you want pizza or not?”

he glanced down at the phone, picking it up and showing you his renewed skin, completely ignoring you, “i look so good.”

looking over his face, you tilted your head and responded, “you look okay, i guess.”

“hey! don't forget, if you diss my looks you're the one who dated me.”

“touché.”

he smiled in the frame of the phone camera, and walked to his own room, sitting on his bed.

“so, what about you? are you gonna try dating again?” you ask, carrying your phone to the door to grab your food. as you brought it back to your room, you made yourself comfortable again, flipping the box open.

“eh, i haven't thought about it yet. i was gonna try, but…” he trailed off, watching as you began eating. chan always thought you were cute when you concentrated on food, the way your eyes slightly crossed when you focused on your next bite of anything you had, the way your tongue darted out to clean your lips, he could smoosh your face and just adore you whenever he wanted. well, not now.

“chan.”

he blinked a few times remembering he was on facetime, “yeah?”

“you just trailed off on your sentence. what’s on your mind?”

he shook his head saying it was nothing important, laying back on his bed. you took his word for it and ate enough pizza that filled your need. you and chan talked and talked until you felt tired. neither of you hung up the phone, both growing irritable and tired. chan however kept his eyes on you, adoring the way you laid with your eyes closed and your breaths coming out as gently as they came in. chan was about to hang up so you could sleep peacefully but you ended up speaking.

“what should i do, chan? i thought i was doing the right thing by going on dates like this, but… i keep making mistakes.”

“it's not your fault y/n, it–”

“we even broke up because of me. i keep fucking up,” never once did you open your eyes to look at your ex, but if you did, you'd notice the pained frown on his face. chan never once blamed you for the breakup, even when you two weren't friends. he could easily sympathize with you, knowing how much he blamed himself for the predestined circumstances between you two. the sound of your voice, blaming and putting yourself down hurt chan more than he’d admit. since you were in a slight state of delirium because of your sleepy condition, he cut you off telling you to go on to sleep.

you nodded, saying a small goodnight leaving chan to hang up the phone, losing himself in his own feelings.

date three.

you had no idea why you were there. you tried to understand but it just hindered you.

turns out this new date knew the actual kim mingyu and kim mingyu was a taken man, but why were you here with the two of them? you stood in between the two, staring at the painting in front of you. they were both in the midst of a conversation, the date seeming like it was between them if mingyu wasn't already in a relationship.

“what do you think, y/n?” minghao invited, finally giving you some attention. you weren't really paying attention to either of them as you tried to figure the painting out yourself. you loved art, don't get it twisted, but what the living fuck were you looking at? the paint surely was painted on the canvas, but what were you to make of it.

“i um... i–”

“trees, swaying, almost dancing if you would,” your eyes shot to mingyu’s tall frame, nodding in agreement.

“no, yeah. i was about to say the same thing,” you responded, pointing at the picture in front of you. you crossed your arms in front of you with a secure nod, the two men looking at each other stifling giggles.

“cute,” minghao said before walking to the next painting with mingyu. you got flustered at the sudden compliment, following behind their long strides. you looked over their shoulders, staring at the even more confusing painting, you realized how long this date would be.

once you left the art museum, minghao took you to a nice cafe… but mingyu came along. you were shocked at how hooked to the hip best friends could be, especially to bring the other on a date.

“oh, and what about the time we went to pottery class and your ass kept messing up the teacher’s vases,” minghao laughed, looking at mingyu. mingyu laughed along, slapping his friend's arm. you sat in front of them sipping lightly on your iced coffee, picking at the cake minghao had gotten you. watching them laugh at things you were clueless about made the date quite frustrating. you tried to laugh along, but you soon realized that they were talking about past dates minghao has gone on. mingyu was with minghao every single time he went on a date. your eyes shot from each of them, slipping another bite of the cake into your mouth. they continued to talk between the two of them until you cleared your throat to make your appearance known. their heads flew to you, not at all annoyed, just questioning what you needed.

“hey, i think i’m gonna slip out. i’ll take the coffee and cake with me though,” you smiled at the both of them, closing the container for the cake. minghao was quick to stand, offering to walk you out, but you declined. he was sweet, really sweet, but you could tell his best friend was his top priority. you gave him your number, offering a friendship instead of a relationship, telling him that he’ll find someone willing to go on dates with him and mingyu. he laughed softly, nodding as he watched you walk out.

as you were nearing your place, you left the bus with a stretch. although you didn't have a bad time per se, you didn't want to be alone after. you called up chan, questioning his whereabouts and once he told you he was stuck at home, you took that as an invite to go over to the apartment. you walked into their building, a familiar face spotting yours as quickly as you did hers.

“oh, y/n! hello.”

“ah, miss choi, hello! how are you?” you asked, smiling as you walked to the nearby elevator. miss choi was a nice woman, she loved to greet anyone who was near her door, especially if she had brought in her dog. she had grown a liking to you and you knew she was patiently waiting for you and chan to break up. not because she didn't like chan, she adored the kid, but she had a son that needed a woman.

she told you once when you went over for tea that she had a son, but you were with chan and you instantly shot her down. she didn't take it to heart, seeing how happy you seemed and how comfortable you were with your relationship, but when she saw chan crying the day of your breakup she thought maybe there was a chance. although she cared for chan and his feelings, she was a mother first. she wanted to see her son with a good woman like you.

“i’m good, i’m doing great. are you and chan back together?” she asked, not giving you a second to digest how she was doing. you chuckled a bit awkwardly, shaking your head.

“no, we aren't.”

“oh, you know, my son is still available.”

“now, miss choi, you know i can’t go on a date with him if he doesn’t want to, right?” you pressed the up button for the elevator, feeling slightly relieved when no one was on it.

“but!”

“i’m sorry, i have to go. have a great day.” once you stepped in the elevator, you took a deep breath, scratching your head in frustration. as you got to the respective floor, you made your way down the hall, knocking softly at the apartment door. chan opened the door, the wafting smell of burnt food coming out.

“what the fuck did you burn?” you took your shoes off as fast as you could, pushing past him, as you rushed over to the kitchen. there vernon was, splashing water into the pan, as calm as he could be. your eyes were wide as you sat the iced coffee down and walked to the older man, grabbing the pan from the still-hot stove eye. you held the pan away from you as you turned the heat off of the stove, tossing the pan in the sink you sat your empty hand on the counter looking at him.

“i... i was making sauce for hot wings,” vernon told you, rubbing the back of his neck.

“you took the hot part a little too literally, i fear. i have cake.”

“you went to a cafe without us?” chan asked, making his way into the kitchen, looking at you with a pout.

“i was on a date…” you walked past the two of them, sitting on the couch, still holding out the box for one of them to take. vernon was quick, snatching it from you as he took a seat in one of the side chairs. chan sat beside you, looking at you.

“how was it?” chan asked, leaning back into the couch.

“i mean, it was okay. it would've been better if he didn't bring his best friend and talked to him the whole time.”

vernon laughed awfully loud, beginning to dive into the cake, “his best friend? wow.”

you shrugged, looking at chan who was already looking in your direction, “i’m really not good at this, am i?”

“it isn't your fault,” he said, patting your head softly. the small show of affection made you want to fall for this man all over again. you mentally slapped yourself as you masked any sort of reaction with a pout.

“you keep saying that, but i’m the one who keeps choosing to go on dates with them.”

“everyone deserves to go out, you just haven't found the right person to do that yet…” vernon nodded to chan’s words, tossing the empty box on the coffee table. you thought that you had what you needed in the beginning, but at the same time, your thoughts weren't reality. you just sighed, making yourself comfortable on the couch.

“miss choi talked about her son again.”

“of course she did,” chan laughed, running a hand through his hair. “she doesn't ask anyone but you.”

“i’ve never seen the guy, so i’d rather not.”

“chan, don't forget,” vernon said, showing his phone to the younger one. chan’s eyes widened before he got up to rush to his room. you looked at vernon, your eyebrows raised at the sudden outburst. vernon noticed your confusion, “he has a date.”

why did that sentence make you feel weird? you knew it shouldn't because of the dates you've been on, but something about it worked your nerves. “oh~ that's good he’s getting back out there.”

“you're jealous,” vernon deadpanned. you gawked, shaking your head.

“no, i am not!”

“you are and it's okay.”

“hansol, i am not jealous.”

it was vernon’s turn to gawk at you. the use of his first name caught him off guard, “fine, you aren't jealous, but… are you leaving or staying?”

“why? you want me to leave?” you asked, kicking your feet up on the couch, leaning on the armrest to face him.

“no, i’m asking because seungkwan is coming over and you know how you two get.”

“what!? what do you mean?”

“loud.”

“fuck you vern.”

he shrugged as chan rushed from his room with a bottle of cologne. he sprayed himself multiple times, tossing the bottle on the couch as he took his keys from the counter, “don't wait up!” he yelled before running out the door. as you watched him leave, you continued to look at the door, that was until seungkwan barged in.

“who’s ready to party?” he asked, grinning.

you weren't sure how you ended up in vernon’s bed, but once you realized it, you were too tired to move from the spot. your head was aching and you looked at both seungkwan and vernon who were on the floor and at the foot of the bed asleep. you let out a groggy sound, turning over to look at your phone, groaning once you saw the time. it was around 9 am and you needed to eat before you took something for the major headache you had.

as you moved out of the bed, you walked out rubbing your head, one eye closed shut, and for some reason your mind in a haze. you decided to walk over to chan’s room to see if he was awake. you wanted to ask him if he wanted any breakfast already knowing seungkwan and vernon would need it once they woke up, but you came to stop when all you saw was him laid up, asleep with a girl by his side. you felt sick. you didn't know if it was the hangover or that jealousy thing vernon was talking about, but you made a b-line to the bathroom. you shut the door, rushing to your knees beside the toilet.

you didn't realize you were crying until you stood up to look at yourself in the mirror after puking out any and everything from the previous night. your lip gloss was long gone from your lips, your hair slightly messed up from whatever style you put it in prior, and now your eyes were trickling unnecessary tears. all you could do was faintly laugh at your appearance.

“stop crying, fucking wimp,” you told yourself, wiping your eyes away from the tears, but it didn't seem like it was working. you looked in the small cabinet, finding the facial wash vernon has been talking you into using on the first shelf. you took it, applying a bit to your hands before scrubbing your face clean of whatever makeup was left. once you dried your face off, you looked at yourself once more, deciding to make an excuse for the red eyes as you walked out. “cooking, that’ll do me well.”

you went to the kitchen, opened the fridge, pulling out whatever they had that you could at least try to cook. as you were fixing the food, you heard footsteps behind you and the sound of vernon’s voice. “what's that smell?” “it's the smell of food vernon.”

“good morning, my sweet hungover friends. i made food,” you plated everything, turning around to find vernon and seungkwan as messed up as you. you smiled at them, sliding the plates over to them on the island. as you grabbed your plate and leaned up on the counter to start eating, you watched as chan came from his room to stand behind the two of them, shirtless and wearing glasses.

“you made breakfast?” he asked with a smile, walking to look at the food. you nodded in response, staring down at your plate. vernon looked at you for an extensive amount of time, looking at every part of your face, almost analyzing it.

“your eyes are red. you okay?” he asked, causing seungkwan to look up as well. seungkwan’s face contorted in worry, but you were quick to calm them. you looked at the two of them, shaking your head with a smile.

“i woke up pretty sick, maybe it's from that.” the both of them looked at each other before looking back at you, deciding to take your word on it. you heard another pair of footsteps and a soft girlish voice talking, causing seungkwan and vernon to shoot a look behind them. you kept your eyes on the now empty plate as you picked at little crumbs that were left there.

“oh? morning,” you heard seungkwan say to the mystery girl. once you looked up, you caught sight of a brunette petite girl, a short dress hanging sloppily from her body.

chan slightly tensed when his friend talked to the girl. he shifted from behind you, walking over to the door with his arm wrapped around the girl’s waist. there the feeling was again, you wanted to release your guts into the toilet yet again. you stood upright and saw chan come back to the kitchen. you walked over to the sink, washing your plate off before turning back around.

“i’ll see you guys later, i um... i gotta run errands. yeah.. that's what i have to do. bye,” you went over to the living room, grabbing your jacket and bag, you slipped your shoes on before rushing out of the apartment. all of the boys looked at each other in confusion at your sudden departure.

“who was that?” vernon asked chan, the fork plopping onto his plate.

“oh, um, someone,” chan said, beginning to eat. neither of the boys was buying it and chan knew, so he gave up. “it was just a one-night stand… just for fun, you know?”

seungkwan rolled his eyes at his friend, “idiot.”

date four.

maybe you shouldn't have been so harsh for the first few dates, because this one was atrocious. teenage boys surrounded you and other onlooking single men sat all around you. maybe they had girlfriends but you weren't sure by how they were screaming and yelling… over a video game they weren't even playing.

if you knew that your next date would have been at a competitive overwatch tournament, you wouldn't have shown up. you looked around, the only thing getting you through was the beer that sat beside you. you were all about showing your date what you're interested in, but this–

“come on! that’s so unfair,” your date, wonwoo, said, barely audible.

–this was too much. you could have even dealt with going to a pc cafe. you went with chan and vernon quite a bit when you were in a relationship, and they were pretty enjoyable, but something about watching others play games and having others scream over them instead of the actual players felt weird. again, you didn't mind it (yes you did), it was like a concert of some sort, but dammit, you wanted to leave.

you remembered when wonwoo had told you he was really excited to get to know you, but the man was shy. like extremely shy. you offered to go get burgers after this event, but he said nothing. he nodded. that's it. you sat there and chugged the beer, sitting the cup aside, enduring more screams from many of the men.

once it ended, you left with wonwoo on your side, “so... burgers?”

wonwoo looked at you, pushed his glasses up, and walked away. you stood there in pure shock.

“where the fuck are you– hey! you're my ride!” you exclaimed, trying to follow him, but he only sped up. you groaned, not wanting to follow him any further as you watched him turn a corner leaving your sight. so much for this date.

once you turned your head you found yourself in the proximity of an actual burger restaurant; you were shocked at how ironic it was and said a soft, “huh” in disbelief. once you walked in you spotted chan’s date from the night you stayed over, your eyes squeezing shut hoping she was just a hallucination. when you opened your eyes and she wasn't gone, you just hoped she didn't see you once you took your seat, but it just so happened she was your waitress. you were hoping she didn't recognize you since you had your head down for your very brief encounter, but your fears came to reality.

“welcome to– oh– hey, you're chan’s friend.”

you looked up at her, putting on your best fake smile, “ah, yeah i am.”

“we didn't get to meet properly, i’m jiwoo. nice to meet you.”

“nice to meet you as well… i’m y/n.”

“so~ what would you like to eat today?”

she was so pretty, you couldn't blame chan for moving on to her. you wouldn't say it was an upgrade, you weren’t sure about bringing yourself down in this sort of situation, but she was beautiful. you didn't get a chance to look at the menu because of your excessive staring. you shook yourself out of whatever trance she had you in to tell her that whatever she likes, you were sure to like as well. how caustic.

once she came back with your drink, she gave you a smile and walked off. you really couldn't dislike her, she just… seemed way too sweet. you never did like it when waiters sat down with you when you ate, but talking to her seemed really easy. it seemed like a date with her rather than the date you had just been on. she made you laugh, she even took your word when you said that you came here alone just to come you know, alone.

“so, tell me. chan seems like such a sweet guy. do you– do you think you could give me pointers. you've obviously known him longer than me,” she said, catching you off guard. again, the irony of the said man’s ex helping out a woman who was widely interested in him. you nodded your head, agreeing that you did know him, inside and out; you didn't say that, but you were surely thinking it.

“i mean, i think chan just likes someone who is solely them. he’s a really loving guy, affectionate, and truly adores who he’s with. as long as you treat him right, he’ll treat you right.”

she nodded along, looking down at the plate of food you had, “you're really sweet y/n… i hope you find someone who matches you. not like the guy who ran from you.” you looked at her in shock, watching her stand up. “i was serving on the patio, and i saw the guy walk away, even though i didn't get a clear view of you, i knew it was you when you came in right after the incident.”

you nodded, your eyes still widened as you pulled your card out to pay. she just shook her head, saying the meal was on her since you helped her out. you smiled, saying thank you before walking out.

you were really in some deep shit.

date five… and six?

now you realized why people didn't go out on dates with miss choi’s son. he wasn't ugly, frankly, he was hot as fuck, but the problem was… he didn't know how to plan a damn date (but honestly who did at this point). here you were sitting behind a guy you also knew since you matched with him on tinder as well, jihoon. why was he there? well, you were sat on a couch… in jihoon’s studio… listening to seungcheol rap.

seungcheol was honestly paying most of the date money for the session, and the lyrics to his song were very–how would you describe this–pathetic. you wondered why he brought you there but discovered his mother had told him all about you and how you didn't want to go on a date with him; his lyrics really broadcasted how he felt about you and the choices you had made regarding him. you would've been mad at his attempts to diss you, but the beat jihoon had produced was all too good.

jihoon sat in his wheeled desk chair with his jaw dropped at the way seungcheol was lashing out at the mic. it was embarrassing for him, especially since you were sitting right there, listening to every single word that was spewing out of his mouth like venom. you knew you weren't getting dinner out of this, so you quietly stood up, but not quiet enough.

jihoon turned to look at you, his eyebrows raising, “you're leaving?”

“oh, yeah. i mean… i don't think i’m actually gonna be able to talk to him after this, so yeah,” you answered, picking up your belongings. he was quick to talk you into staying, saying he would buy you food if you did stay. he told you that seungcheol is sometimes very temper influenced so he didn't want you to mind him.

once finished, seungcheol listened to the song, nodding to the beat. you listened along, your arms crossed over your chest, your teeth clenching once seungcheol looked at you with a satisfied smirk.

jihoon paused the track, looking over at his friend, “all this… and i mean all of this–” jihoon paused his sentence to express what he was saying with his hands motioning all over the place before refocusing on what he was saying, “because y/n didn't want to go on a little date with you?” seungcheol merely nodded, looking at the younger with his lips pressed together in a meek smile. he was a cocky little shit, it pissed you off.

jihoon sighed looking at you apologetically. you shrugged, looking over at the black-haired male, his body crouched as his hands crossed in front of him. he and jihoon continued to consult about the direction of the song until seungcheol had to go. you didn't let him leave without telling him to unmatch with you on tinder, a scowl falling on his face.

“i’m so sorry about him,” jihoon said, grabbing his phone as he turned his cap backward so he could rub his face.

“you shouldn't be the one to apologize. he should, but you and i both know he won't.” jihoon nodded, sighing softly. jihoon ordered you two late-night foods, engaging you in one of the best conversations you've had on a date. the guy was passionate about his career and you really loved an ambitious man, the only thing wrong was that neither of you felt anything more. you both talked until you needed to get home, and after thanking jihoon and giving him your number, you left with a smile on your face.

chan knew something about you, you were headstrong, stubborn he might say. so when you came to his door, pounding on it like a madwoman he knew exactly what it was for: another bad date that you refused to not go on. you stood there, soju in hand and chicken in the other. chan gladly let you in, not because of the food and drinks (although it was a plus), he didn't want to see you upset.

you looked over at chan, mouth stuffed with food, a small smile on your face. this was the first time you’d talked to chan after the whole four days of not talking to him. to you, that felt like an eternity. you felt as if you were being a bit petty to him by leaving him hanging for something so small, but the shock was evident the day of.

“so, how’s it been with jiwoo,” you asked almost absentmindedly, looking back down as your toothpick dug into another piece of the boneless piece of chicken. you didn't notice the frown that fell over chan’s face once you brought up the girl’s name, but he quickly changed it once you looked back up at him.

“oh, yeah, i don't know. i don't think it's gonna work out between us, she’s cool, not for me though.”

you looked at him with wide eyes, your brow shortly after, furrowing in confusion. you remembered the talk you had with jiwoo about chan and believed the advice you gave her was a prompt way to understand chan a bit more, but unbeknownst to you, chan had already turned down any idea of them dating… the first date. “what? what happened to ‘getting back out there’?”

“well, i am, but for her, i only said i was going on a date, that's it,” chan crossed his legs, wiping his face off. “plus, what an odd topic of conversation after not talking to me for almost five days.”

“it was four, asshole.”

“four, five, same difference. anyways, who's next on the to date list?”

“some guy named, junhui. he really seems cool.”

“you said that about the last thirty dates didn't you?” he teased, finishing off the last bit of chicken you both had. you scowled at him, throwing your toothpick his way. he dodged it, tossing a dirty napkin at you, making you throw up your fist in retaliation. “whoa whoa killer, calm down now.” you slowly dropped your fist, the scowl not leaving your face. “good girl,” chan said, not noticing how those two words made your tipsy mind go for a nice turmoil.

you’d always had that little praise kink, and since you had a few shots of the peach-flavored soju, you couldn't help but clear your throat to hide the growing arousal in your pants.

“anyways, you gonna tell me about the date you went on yesterday or what?”

“fuck miss choi’s son, that backstabbing old lady. remind me to only speak to her husband from now on,” you shifted in your seat, rolling your eyes.

“uh-oh, what happened?” he asked, leaning over to grab the shot of soju he’d left for himself.

“that sick, good-looking dude took me on a studio date. the only problem was, the whole song was about me! the song was good and that's why i hate him even more! he’s so damn pathetic. i would never, and i mean never, date someone whose tinder bio is ‘music artist’ again. i just, i mean, what the fuck, you know? and you know what else, that loser is so cocky i couldn't even understand it. it really did stress me out chan, like…”

chan sat and listened to every word you said. he took a mental note to ignore miss choi as well, just for the time being. chan got annoyed by the sounds of the guy, but once he saw you perk up about the second half, his demeanor faltered, smiling at your giddiness. he did feel that pang of jealousy come back over him, yet decided to ignore it(especially after you told him you felt nothing more for the guy) opting to continue smiling at the soft laughs you let out. the conversation continued until your phone buzzed, a signal for you to leave. once you left, chan was left alone, the jealousy becoming a bigger pain than he thought.

every date was getting more and more intolerable for him. he would never admit it to you. chan was never a confrontational guy. back in your relationship, yes there were arguments, but were they from his own insecurities? nope. he kept most of his jealousy down and didn't want it to come in between the two of you. unlike you, chan was a closed book, only opened on some marked, annotated pages. he remembered the day back in high school when he had asked you to date him, it wasn't even his idea to ask you out as quickly as he did.

all of the seniors had their noses in books, and for some reason, chan’s nose was buried on wiki-how. he searched and searched for how to ask out a girl in five simple steps, but didn't follow a single step. seungkwan had pushed the younger to ask you out, wishing he’d do it quickly because he couldn't take the longing stares your way and the constant napkins they'd bring for him because of his drool puddles. once he did ask you out, you were more than ready to be in a relationship with him.

that was another thing you thought you got wrong in the relationship, not going slow. rushing into something as big as being in a relationship with your long-term high school crush was something you could never get again. it did way more harm than it did good, no matter how you two looked at it. now you two were stuck in this non-communicating friendship. you both deserved better, even if that better wasn't coming from each other.

date seven (not really).

there was something therapeutic about these types of days: cooped up in your apartment… your ex-boyfriend sitting beside you as you wallow in sorrow from yet another failed date. usually, women sat with friends, cups of wine, tubs of unearthed freezer-burned ice cream with a spoon deep in it as they clawed at the remains of the sweet treat, but here you were, your only actual friend being your ex as you complained to him yet again.

“i just don't get it, you know?” it wasn't that you were sad, it was more so you were actually looking forward to this date (nothing new), this junhui guy seemed like so much fun; that was until he pulled up to an advanced martial arts center. you watched from outside, looking at the many many people getting slammed to the ground, and decided on a firm no. you told him a nice ‘thank you’ before leaving and unmatching the profile from your tinder. you didn't hear him out, you couldn't. the way he already looked like he would use one of those moves on you even if you were in the car frightened you. he was a peculiar man.

chan nodded, his feet kicking up on the top of your coffee table as he snuck another drink of your beer. he shrugged, looking towards you as he stretched his arms forward, keeping the beer in hand. “where do you even find these men at? like it's making me feel bad now.” he tilted the nose of the beer bottle towards you.

“you didn't feel bad before?” you stole your beverage out of his hand, head tilting in confusion. as you swigged the beer you missed the way he chuckled softly at your bafflement. as you set the bottle down, you almost gagged at the taste. “how could you drink that? it's flat.”

chan grinned and got up from his seat, swinging his legs off the table, his socks sild over the hardwood towards the kitchen to grab another beer: one for you and one for him. as he came back, you took one from him, hitting the top on the side of your coffee table to get the cap off.

“to answer your question, it's not like i didn't feel bad, it's more like i already knew. you're never gonna find better than me,” he joked, hopping on the couch.

“shut up chan. i’m being serious,” you drew your fist back, a laugh coming from his mouth, getting comfortable once more beside you.

“my bad. i’m just kidding!”

“so, what about you? have you figured out your situationship with jiwoo?”

chan shook his head, leaning his head back on the armrest to look up at the ceiling, “don't ask me about that.”

“what? why?” you shoved his legs off the couch and turned your body towards him with a small frown.

he tipped his head to look at you, sighing, “what's your infatuation with her? you wanna date her now or what?”

“i mean she is a sweet girl, i just want someone good for you…”

“well, i’m glad you're so concerned but stop asking me ab–” chan stopped his sentence midway, pulling out his buzzing phone, his eyes widened before he jolted up. “sorry, i gotta go. i forgot i had something to do for the rest of the night. i’ll see you later, okay? call me if you need me.”

“where are you going?” you asked as he slipped his jacket up over his shoulders.

“to bang bitches and get high.”

“lee chan!”

he walked to the door with a large grin, “i’m joking, maybe... okay bye!” before you could ask anything further, chan ran out, nearly breaking your door from how hard he slammed it. you jumped at the sound of the door, looking towards the front as chan came back in to say a quick ‘sorry’ before closing it again softer this time. once chan left the threshold of your apartment, you let out a groan.

“‘i just want someone good for you’? what the fuck?” you slammed your head gently on the closed door, bending down to a squat. “are you a fool?”

you groaned to yourself, not wanting to ponder any longer on the situation, but it did keep you up for a bit.

date eight.

you could've sworn you were done with this whole online dating thing. you've been on seven unsuccessful dates and had fallen into the idea that dating just wasn't your thing, but dammit you were desperate for some sort of affection–

“fuck, you feel so good.”

–maybe not as desperate as this.

the date had gone okay. he took you to a nice petting zoo sort of thing, you rode trains together, fed animals, and he was such a pleasant guy to be around. by the end of the afternoon date, he took you to a pretty little restaurant that wasn’t too packed. you got to know a lot about him and he knew how to hold a basic conversation, but goodness did he talk a lot. it wasn't bad, but it wasn't the best when it was a two-person date. you gave him the basics, name and age because that was all you could get out.

by the end of the night, he asked you to go back with him to his place which you thought he was a good enough guy to go with. now you regret it. he hyped himself up in the car, telling you how good his dick was and how he could make you dumb with just his good skills; that itself was a red flag. here you were, laid up in this man’s bed with everything on except your pants and panties.

at this point, you were fucking him by how loud his groans were and how quiet you were. you laid on your back, looking up at the ceiling, rolling your eyes at his attempts at dirty talk. you didn't want to crush the poor soul's heart, but he was doing a terrible job at living up to expectations. his eyes were shut, sweat dripping from his forehead as you let out the best fake moans you could.

wanting to get this over with, you clenched around him causing him to shudder in pleasure. he halted his movements, coming in the condom as he rubbed your pussy lips, possibly thinking it was your clit, but your sweet clit was hiding from the man. you winced at the feeling, continuing your manufactured moan performance.

“i’m gonna come,” you tried to make it as believable as you could, the sarcasm not getting to the man's head as he smirked cockily.

“come for me.”

you’d never had to fake an orgasm before yet somehow you were a natural at it under pressure. once he pulled out, he lay on the bed, knocked out instantly. yep, you definitely fucked him. you muttered under your breath, kicking your legs off the side of the bed as you looked around the room. you found a desk that had tons of supplies on it, standing to your feet as you walked over to it. you slipped on your panties and jeans, grabbing a slip of paper and a pen. you looked at the man who was fast asleep, writing something along the lines of ‘good date, bad sense of reality soonyoungie…’. you left the slip of paper with a small smiley face hoping there were no hard feelings as you slipped out.

you were left unsatisfied. you were thinking of running to chan’s and saying ‘fuck the breakup, i need you to rearrange my insides the best you can…’ but you pussed out. if the two of you were going to move on peacefully, hookups with one another shouldn't even be in discussion in your brain.

you made it back to your apartment safely, throwing down your bag in frustration, and took off the clothes you had just been in. you laid in bed, panties and bra clung to you as you tried to think of the most pornographic scenes, but none of it seemed to work. your mind kept drifting to your ex, no matter how much you tried to redirect your thinking. you groaned, pulling out your phone as you pulled up undeleted videos you had kept of the said man; why did you have them? you couldn't even answer that for yourself. most videos chan used to send you consisted of dirty talk… pure filth.

the video you pulled up was a black screen, soft sounds coming from it, presumably from him stroking his own cock. he let out a hushed chuckle, “why’d you have to leave so damn soon, hm? you went to your hometown… and now i’m stuck here, fucking my hand to the thought of you. i hate you, you know that?”

you don't even think you were paying attention to any of the words he was actually saying, your fingers grasping the hem of your panties, dragging them down to your ankles. you kicked them on the floor somewhere as you rubbed the tips of your soft fingers on your slit. for the past year, you had to satisfy yourself. for the past year, you had to settle for fingers that weren't anyone else’s. for the past year, no matter how much you were trying to move on, the lust you had for chan took over.

you were so lost in the sound of chan’s moans and your whimpers that you didn't realize how close you were from rubbing your clit. it was impressive how chan could make you come quickly even if he wasn't there with you.

once you came down from your high, you stared at your dark ceiling, with no sound but the cars outside and your soft pants. what were you doing and what the hell was wrong with you?

date nine.

you shouldn't have blown off jun that time. you shouldn't have. this was way worse than being body slammed into a cushioned floor. you never thought you were that out of shape, but dammit, this joshua guy really did bring you to the light. you normally loved hiking… when you could keep up. the man took the longest strides and never waited for you to catch up.

to be frank, you don't even think he looked at you much; it was weirdly familiar, deja vu-ish really. thankfully, you both made it to the halfway point. you plopped on a bench, chugging the rest of your water, looking over at your date. there he stood, back muscles protruding out of his black t-shirt as he pressed the pad of the vending machine. you probably missed your mouth with the water a couple of times, too focused on his back that you've gotten used to since that's basically all you've seen since being on the date.

when he turned around from getting his drink, his focus wasn't on you. man, this guy was a keeper; staring at every girl that passed by his view, smirking at anyone who made eye contact with him, what a good guy.

as he made eye contact with you, you could see a small frown return on his face. you crossed your arms, your personality refusing for you to brush it off. you stood from the bench walking over to the jerk of a man, standing in front of his built figure.

“what's up with you? you must be a great guy to get to know, hm?” you fumed, his attention now on you, but not the way you intended when you had come on this date.

“don't think i don't know about you,” he said, sipping his sports drink, a bit of it dripping from his mouth as he walked away from you. you tried for it not to distract you as the anger disappears for a bit once you comprehend what he just said to you.

“huh? what are you talking about?” you walked over to him, you caught a glimpse of his phone as he tugged it out of his pocket. you were close enough to him to see two familiar faces. “holy shit…”

joshua didn't know you had seen his wallpaper, but the words from before struck a nerve now that you knew what he was talking about.

“you absolute piece of shit. just like your garbage friends,” you indicated. joshua looked at you, his eyes narrowed as if examining you. he chuckled, leaning up on the railing that overlooked the view. he took another sip from the bottle, completely ridiculing you. “men.”

you started your way back down the trail, joshua yelling to you that he was your ride and you had no way home other than through him. he continued to yell at you, trying his hardest to keep you on that revenge date. you didn't bother turning around to face him as you flipped him off over your shoulder. you now realized why you felt deja vu, you knew why all of that felt way too familiar.

he was friends with both yoon jeonghan and choi seungcheol.

oh, how it made perfect sense.

once you got home, you texted chan(of course) asking him to come over, yet again to take your mind off of things. chan looked at your message, texting you saying he’d be right over as he stood from his seat. vernon and seungkwan looked at their younger friend, both of them looking at each other and then back to him.

“and where do you think you're going, young man?” seungkwan asked, grabbing another handful of chips. chan put a finger over his lips, walked to his room, and grabbed his jacket that lay in the middle of his bed. when he made his way back into the living room, seungkwan spoke again.

“i thought you said you were done with jiwoo. i hope you're not going to play with that poor girl's heart anymore.”

“i was never playing with it from the get-go. i told her that what we had was a one-time thing, so don't make me out to be a bad guy,” chan said, texting you again to let you know he was on his way.

“so… where are you going then, big boy?” vernon asked, slapping seungkwan’s hand away from the folded chip. seungkwan looked at him, disgusted as he grabbed a different chip.

“to y/n’s,” your name barely left his lips, yet the two on the couch let out obnoxious groans. “oh?”

“i told you he was a masochist,” vernon mumbled to seungkwan. seungkwan hit vernon’s shoulder, looking over at chan. seungkwan tried his hardest to put on a fake smile, failing awfully at it.

“chan… why do you… you know… why do you keep doing this to yourself?” seungkwan asked, his hands crossing in his lap.

“what are you talking about?” chan asked. it was apparent what seungkwan was getting at. it was obvious as daylight, the only ones seeing darkness being you and chan; though chan saw a bit more light than you did.

“you know exactly what he's talking about. stop denying you're still in love wi– ow!” seungkwan pinched vernon’s arm before he could finish speaking. chan’s eyebrow rose before piecing together the situation. he let out a laugh, crossing his arms over his chest. the two on the couch looked at the younger with confusion. “what's so funny?”

“nothing,” chan was still smiling, “look, it's just me going over to comfort a friend. it's nothing bigger than that.”

“yeah, but look chan, we just… we don't want you getting hurt. we like y/n too but you know what the breakup did to you, and vernon’s told me how you've been seeing her so often,” seungkwan spoke slowly, almost as if he was taking care of a balloon that could burst at any point. seungkwan stood up from where he was sitting, walking over to chan. chan’s smile left his face slowly.

“i don't know what you're getting at. look, she decided that we should move on and just stay friends. she doesn't want to talk about the breakup, she just wants a simple move on, you know?”

“okay, great, but is that what you want?” vernon asked, leaning further into the couch, the chip bowl now in his possession since seungkwan got up.

chan did take note of how many times he said “she” instead of “we”. it didn't make his point any more convincing than he wanted to make it. seungkwan wrapped his arm around the younger one. chan chuckled a dismal chuckle at himself, if he were his own friend, he’d also think he was pitiful. it took a while–almost a month and a half–for him to come to his senses.

“chan?” seungkwan questioned gently.

chan rubbed his face, his friends' words dawning fully on him, “i’m a fucking idiot… aren't i?” he turned to seungkwan.

seungkwan saw the sadness in the younger’s eyes as he shook his head and brought chan to the couch to sit, “not an idiot, just a man in love with someone who can't seem to comprehend that or his feelings correctly.”

“so basically an idi– stop hitting me!”

you sat there. when ten minutes passed, you thought nothing of it. when thirty minutes passed, you grew worried. when three hours passed, your mind instantly went to the worst. chan was a ten-minute walk away from your place and one thing about lee chan was that he was punctual. you brought your phone up to your face, texting him again. it took a while but you saw he had read it. the three bubbles popped up, your hope still hanging by a thread. you gleamed, as the bubbles kept going, and going, and going… until they disappeared and you were left with “read”.

you stared at it. you stared at it for a really long time. you brushed your teeth and stared. you ate leftovers and stared at it. you sat in your bed and stared at it. in your dreams you could've sworn you saw it.

he left you on read. what did you do? is he doing this to make you go crazy? he said he was on his way. did he get kidnapped? nah, chan talks a lot, they'd let him go the minute they got him. maybe an old lady gave him an apple, now he's poisoned! ah, y/n you're an idiot. you were so lost in your thoughts, that the only thing that got you out of them was the smell of burnt toast from the toaster. you groaned to yourself, juggling the piece of toast between both hands until it fell in the trash.

you walked back to your room, looking to find the cat still on your window sill. you can only imagine he was there from last night. you sat with your legs crossed in front of your window, sighing softly, “what do you think tabby cat? what could me being left on read mean?” the cat responded with nothing, as expected. you slapped your head, shaking it in disbelief. “i’ve gone mad? over being left on read… hah…”

date ten.

“so how was it?” seokmin asked you, giving you the other half of his burger. you smiled at him, sitting your pasta in between the two of you as you nod at him.

“it was really good! i’ve always been a sucker for things like plays,” you admit, twirling your fork in the noodles. seokmin grinned, taking a bite of the burger. he covered his mouth before responding to you.

“i was a theater kid back in my high school days. well, i still am.”

“oh really? is theater your major?” you asked, slurping up the last noodle from your fork. he shook his head, wiping his mouth.

“i already work in musical theater. i started right when i got out of high school. wanna hear something?”

“you mean–”

“me singing right now? yes.”

he gave you no time to respond as he burst out into song. your eyes widened as he stood from his seat, acting out movements as well. you were embarrassed, but he was a phenomenal singer. the whole restaurant had their eyes on him. his voice boomed to where even some non-patrons stood from outside the door to look in. you couldn't believe that your date had turned into dinner and a show but why were you surprised at this point.

seokmin, however, had been the best date you'd been on in the past month(not saying much). he was sweet, he knew how to let you speak, and you were even sharing the food you both got. this little outburst in a random musical song really couldn’t ruin how you looked at him, despite being very embarrassed. as he finished the song, the whole restaurant clapped, the people outside clapped, and you clapped; he was amazing, but you really needed to know his mbti.

he sat back down in front of you, the same beaming smile on his face.

“what was that?” you asked him. you ate your half of the burger, looking at him in astonishment.

“oh, that? just a musical i’m leading in. you should come to see it when it comes out!” he exclaimed. he picked at the pasta, eating some of it as he waited for you to respond in anticipation.

“sounds fun, what's the musical called?”

“xcalibur. i’m playing king arthur.”

“that's awesome, although i don't know the roles. a king sounds great, also seokmin, i have a quick question.”

“yeah, what's up?”

“what's your mbti?”

“infp? he's an introvert? there’s no way…” you shook your head, sat down your things, and walked into your room. with a soft grunt, you laid back on your bed. you pulled your phone out, looking back over the text message you'd sent to chan last week. it still says read y/n, it hasn't changed.

you sighed to yourself, sitting the phone on your stomach. you wanted to call him, you wanted to ask him what was wrong, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it. the last time you had called it went straight to voicemail. the last time you facetimed him, you were stuck staring at your own reflection on the phone. you'd never been more confused than you were now.

you were both happy, so you thought. you both found that being friends was easy, so you thought. you thought you were both over that feelings stage, again, so you thought.

you thought you were both good at pushing down feelings… but you definitely weren't. you missed him. you needed him now. chan was always someone you looked for when a date didn't result in what you predestined it to be.

now, you were alone.

you had no one to talk to about what happened at the restaurant, you had no one to rant about not being able to date properly, and you were lonely. his friends were your friends. his friends only became your friends when you two started dating. now you both were back to how it was when the breakup happened. you couldn't text or call vernon or seungkwan, you felt it wasn't your rightful place.

you looked over to your window sill, the cat nowhere to be seen. you scoffed at the irony. you were completely alone, wanting your bed to swallow you whole and take you away from your racing thoughts.

weeks and weeks passed by, with no dates, no tinder, no matches. you deleted the app. you haven't contacted anyone, you have barely left your house, only going to capture pictures to keep your mind busy.

ever since you've cooped yourself in your apartment, you had time for yourself, time to think, time to come to an understanding with your feelings. it's so unruly how much time you took to come to terms that you were indeed head over heels for lee chan. the times you'd comfort yourself by looking at pictures the two of you had taken, the comfort you'd gotten from listening to his voice messages, he felt like home and you couldn't lose that.

you were stubborn, you knew what you wanted even though it took you forever to realize what that specific thing was.

so as it rained over seoul, you didn't bother taking an umbrella; you wore your hoodie, running in the converse you wore. your clothes were getting soaked but you could care less, especially after he had opened the door. “hi.”

you shivered slightly at the soft breeze that came from his apartment. chan tugged you in, rushing over to his bathroom to give you a towel as he tossed it to you for you to wrap around yourself tightly. not long later, the two of you sat there in his living room in silence. neither of you spared a glance at the other. the tension was unbearable, but how was chan supposed to bring up why he stopped talking to–

“so, why did you… why did you stop talking to me?” well, that was easier than he thought.

“i… i don't kno–”

“don't pull that shit with me, chan. tell me the reason… if it's something i did, i’ll apologize and we can go back to how things were before this.”

“no we can’t,” he concluded, his fingers playing with his sweatpants lace. you looked at him, evident gloom on your face.

“w-why not? i mean, i thought things were going good, and then out of nowhere, you ghosted me,” so much for admitting to your feelings for him.

“this isn't good for either of us, y/n. and you fucking know that too, don't you?” he looked over at you, shaking his head in disappointment. “why do i even keep playing into your little bullshit plans? every. single. time.” you watched as he stood up, his arms crossing over his chest.

“chan, what are you talking about? what bullshit plan–”

“this whole fucking thing y/n. you, me, we can never be friends,” he raged. he let out a huff, rubbing his face as he spoke softer. “you know it.”

“why are you saying this?”

“some things… some things you can't just apologize for and expect shit to go back to your definition of ‘normal’. it's like you don't care about anyone’s feelings except your own!” he was back to yelling and the sudden outburst made you jump a bit.

you looked at chan and something truly shifted in your mind. your sock-clad foot tapped on the wooden floors in soft pats until your leg began to bounce gently. the words melded into your brain and everything he said strengthened your anger.

you stood up from your seat, walking over to the man, eyes boring into his, “so… since i don't give a fuck about you as you say, i’m gonna do something that you hate. confront me chan, what are your feelings, huh?”

“i don't have to deal with this y/n, not with you. you can't force me to say shit–” you shoved him, dropping the towel that was around you. vernon wasn't there like how he was for your usual arguments. chan’s eyes pierced through yours, his fist clenching at his sides.

“fucking say it!” you shoved his shoulder again, your voice growing louder as you snapped at him. you don't know where this kept anger came from, but better you get it out now than keep it in.

“stop shoving me y/n or i swear to you–”

��what? you’ll do what, huh? stop being a fucking pussy and tell me how you actually feel.”

“what do you want from me? what do you expect me to say? none of it will get through that hard head of yours, will it?” one last shove from you sent chan off the edge, “fine! you wanna know what's so wrong with me? imagine having the love of your life make decisions for you all the damn time. watching her spend all her time on dumbass dates and spending all that time trying to move on from someone who still can't take her off his mind no matter how hard he tries. and just imagine this, he’s doing it all for her.”

as he spoke, you backed away from him as he got closer and closer and closer until you fell onto the couch. chan was seething in anger, his nostrils flared as he continued, “it’s always about, you, you, you, the only times you focus on me is when you want to see if i’ve moved on myself. don't you dare call me a pussy when you're the one who stormed out once she saw i had someone over.” “fuck you chan, i didn't storm out because of her.” chan knelt in front of you, the anger pouring from your eyes as tears filled them, “yes you did. stop lying, it's not cute on you.” the hot tears spilled from your eyes, your body beginning to shake, “what? you give but you can't take?”

you stood up, shoving past him, and began to walk out but your body was pushed back down on the couch. chan’s arm pinned you to sit as he continued to kneel in front of you, “fucking let me go,” you sobbed. chan hated watching you cry(when it wasn't in the bedroom), but he knew if you didn't talk now, you never would.

“no… i’m not letting you walk out. i made that mistake a year ago and look where it got us… right now, we go by my rules, not yours. you made me talk, so now it's your turn.”

chan was patient. he sat there in front of you for almost ten minutes as you cried. his own eyes filled with tears, a few falling down his cheeks. your body calmed when chan’s hand found yours. he rubbed the top of your hand with his thumb. you opened your eyes, the instant eye contact making your heart wrench.

“talk.”

“i… i thought we made a mutual agreement to move on from each other… i thought that's what you wanted, every decision i make isn't me wanting to be selfish. i swear it isn't,” you hiccuped, your hand shaking in his as you talked. you couldn't hold his gaze any longer. you looked down at your intertwined hands, the sight bringing you to more tears. you shook your head as you kept speaking, “i never wanted to hurt you back then chan. i was doing this moving-on thing because i didn't want to harm you anymore.”

“y/n…”

“no, you said i could talk, so let me. i beat myself up when we broke up and i know you did the same. i didn't want that for you, i didn't want to hurt you chan, i didn't,” you pitifully repeated yourself over and over quietly until you continued speaking. “but somehow… me being cautious of that hurt you even more.”

chan couldn't hold himself together any longer, his head dropped and the salty tears poured from his eyes.

“i love you lee chan, i love you more than anything. you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, i’m so fucking sorry i didn't treat you like you were. the dates, i stopped going on them a month ago. you were the only thing on my mind, you not texting back really did have me worried sick…”

chan chuckled a bit, saying a soft apology, wiping his tears away as he looked at you. he didn't want any more blame on either of you, he didn't want to have any more regrets when it came to you. chan didn't want to miss this chance. it was his turn to be selfish. chan took both of your hands in his, “i never agreed on moving on, but i can agree about putting myself down after i left you. i hated walking out instead of talking about what we needed to change and fix. i never want you to take full blame anymore, you hear me? now, how about this, let's have a redo. i’ll take you on a date like one of those tinder dates did, i’ll try to win your heart back.”

“you don't have to win it, you already have it… but a do-over sounds nice,” you lifted your head to look at him, wanting to kiss him, but you didn't rush it.

chan pulled his hands away from you, holding only one out, “hi, i’m lee chan.” he smiled with all he had.

“hi chan, i’m y/n l/n.” you returned the smile.

date eleven.

maybe you were biased or deeply and madly in love but this was the best date you'd been on. chan beforehand texted you “it’s a match!” not knowing how much trauma that phrase gave you. you cringed, begging him to tell you where you two were going, but he didn't budge.

it wasn't big, it wasn't grand, and it wasn’t a studio date(fuck seungcheol). chan knew you’d love it. your eyes grew at the neon signs and fluorescent lights that shaded your faces in blues and greens.

a bowling arcade.

you remembered your first date with chan being in the same arcade. he brought you not knowing how competitive you were. turns out you didn't really have to be too competitive, chan was really bad at bowling. you kept your giggles and laughs to a minimum for the sake of him not having a mental breakdown. after a night of bowling, chan really did show you up that night in arcade games–not all of them–and made you eat the words you teased him with.

that night was perfect, but nothing compared to this night.

“you know, i’m kind of crazy when it comes to bowling now. you wouldn't believe it,” he bragged, wiping a ball down as he looked at you.

you nodded along with his assessment, pointing at the pins, “hey, you're right. i don't believe it. try knocking those down, big boy.”

he squinted at you, turned back to the lane, and lined up his shot… roll, and roll, and in the gutter it went. you covered your mouth, trying to stop the laugh that was going to escape but it was no use. you heard him groan, pointing behind him as he pouted.

“i know, i know, go on and get that spare ‘crazy bowler’,” you quipped, watching him grab his ball. he lined up his shot once again, the ball curving to only hit two pins.

“this isn't right, i demand a recount.”

“chan… you can’t… never mind.”

when it was your turn, you looked towards the lane, the smile you once had was replaced with a concentrated frown. you lined up the pitch, watching the ball roll. before it made it to the pins you turned to chan, pointed at him, and said, “you should get better at this.” the sound of the pins falling was heard behind you, and chan’s jaw dropped in astonishment. he stuttered trying to figure the situation out and when you turned around, you were stunned as well.

the ball had only hit nine pins, the last pin being in the middle, the most unusual pin to still be up.

“how the…” you mumbled as you looked at the still-standing pin.

“that's more impressive than knocking them all down.”

“that's what i’m saying,” you said, your arms crossed as chan stood beside you, taking a picture of it.

“how did you manage to get worse at something you were actually good at?” you laughed, as you both made your way to his apartment door. chan whined, struggling with the keypad a bit before walking in with a few stuffed animals you both had gotten from the prize store. none of the stuffies coming from any of chan’s won tickets.

“hey, it's not like i was that bad, it was more that i lacked skill, and the buttons were way too far apart,” he tried to convince. once you two made it to the living room, vernon and seungkwan were already staring at the two of you.

you leaned over a bit from beside him and mumbled, “you said we’d be alone.”

“we were supposed to be.”

vernon was the first to put together the situation, scooting up on the couch, rubbing his eyes to make sure he was seeing things correctly, “wait a minute. wait a damn minute. did you two?”

“did they, what? go on a date? yes. did he not tell you?” seungkwan asked, looking over at vernon.

“no!”

“he’s been bugging the shit out of me, ‘what should i bring her?’, ‘how should i dress?’, ‘what type of food should i take her to get?’. how am i supposed to know? she's your ex,” seungkwan complained, the two of them talking like the both of you weren't there.

“i’m just flabbergasted as to why i wasn't told about this.”

“flabbergasted? vernon, did you just say flabbergasted? isn't that too big of a word for you?” you joshed. chan burst out into laughter beside you as seungkwan sucked in his lips to keep from laughing just as loud.

chan quickly wiped the smile from his face to look at the older male, sending an accusatory finger his way, “hyung, i thought i told you that we were coming back here?”

“you did, but i wanted to see if it would fail or not,” seungkwan confessed, shrugging as he stood up. you furrowed your brows, crossing your arms over your chest as you stared at him. seungkwan quickly caught sight of your glare, his eyes widening as he shook his hands in front of him, realizing what he’d just said. “no. see, not like that. i’m not saying it would have failed like immediately. i’m just saying because… and… you… vernon let's go.”

vernon nodded, rapidly standing to his feet, “roger.”

both of you watched as the two of them ran from the apartment as promptly as they could, leaving you and chan alone. chan grinned at the running two as he went to his room, tossing the stuffed animals on his bed. he narrowed his eyes at the plushies before changing his mind, picking them back up and sitting them on an empty seat, facing the wall. he walked back over to his bed, pointing at it, “you’ll be used soon, don't worry.” he chuckled lightly at his little joke before walking back to the living room.

you were already sitting on the couch, patting the seat next to you as chan plopped down. “did you think the date would fail?” you asked him curiously, what seungkwan had said sending your mind into a frenzy.

“no. did you?”

you looked at him, his eyes locking onto yours while you shook your head. you said a soft ‘no’ keeping eye contact, occasionally looking down at his lips. the last time you looked at his lips, he smirked a bit, snapping his fingers up towards his eyes.

“my eyes are up here.” “yeah… and my eyes are down here,” you pointed at his lips, gingerly poking his bottom lip with the tip of your finger. chan grabbed your wrist, his hand gradually traveling up to interlock with yours.

“can you tell me something?”

“what's up?”

“how many of them did you kiss?” he questioned, playing with your fingers gently. his eyes never left yours. yours, however, faltered quite a bit.

“dates?” chan nodded. “one.”

“fucked?”

you almost choked on some spit that was about to go down your throat once the word left his mouth. you composed yourself as best as you could, gulping down the aforementioned spit, “one.”

“i see…” chan was angry. you could tell. he wasn't mad at you, but at whoever laid a finger on you in the first place. both pairs of lips you had he’d always expressed belonged to him. though he couldn't be too mad since he did sleep with someone himself. “how was it?”

“terrible…”

chan chuckled humorlessly, “mm… let me guess, he knocked out before you could even get to come.” you knew what this was leading up to as you tried to suppress your excitement.

“basically,” you murmured, your lips sucked in as you tried keeping your smile brushed off your face. he nodded again, looking down at your hand that was perfectly linked with his, exactly how it should be.

his eyes went back to look at yours as he began to lean in. the hold by his hand grew tighter once your lips met. it was soft, delicate, and felt exactly how it did when you two were high schoolers kissing like nothing else mattered. you could feel his hands untangle from yours as he placed a hand on your face, deepening the kiss.

the kiss soon grew breathless, rough, feverish. it was hot, the only thing cooling you being the ceiling fan that was spinning above you two. you both pulled away from each other, his lips slightly reddened as his tongue brushed over his bottom one. you watched as he licked it slowly, your heartbeat in your ears at this point. “fuck you,” you stood up, grabbing his hand again before dragging him up from the couch to his room.

once the door closed, he pushed you against it, his lips attaching back to yours. his hands came up to your clothed breasts, gripping them both harshly causing you to pull away to watch his hands fondle you. you looked down at his hands as they gripped the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head. he tossed it behind him, his eyes focusing on your bra-covered breast.

his lips connected to your neck, sucking at the skin. his teeth softly bit at the spot that he had just sucked on. he tore away from the marked skin, a proud smirk on his face. he trailed his fingertips along your hips to your back, unclasping your bra as you let it fall from your arms. he grabbed your hand, leading you to the bed. he pushed you down, a soft giggle leaving our lips. he smiled a bit, climbing on top of you, his lips kissing yours again. he mumbled softly, “i fucking missed you so much.”

you pulled back, looking him in the eyes, “then show me. show me how much you missed me.”

the look he gave you would’ve probably scared other girls away, the look he gave you was nothing less than devious. you knew how giving chan the ‘okay’ to wreck you made him act. he grabbed a hold of your legs, dragging you towards him. he unbuttoned your pants, taking both them and your panties off of you in one go.

“you still have that little masochist side of you?”

“i went on ten bad dates and you're asking me that now?”

he laughed a bit, getting rid of his own shirt as he stood at the foot of the bed. his eyes raked each and every part of your body, his gaze landing on your dripping core. his hands gripped your knees, spreading them and raising them up so they touched your chest. he swiped two fingers along your slit as you choked on a whine once his palm connected to your folds with a sharp slap. he sat beside you, keeping an arm draped on the backs of your thighs to keep your knees to your chest. “i missed this even more,” he said, his middle finger dipping into your tight hole. he twisted and thrust the finger slightly, making your eyes fall shut, letting out a pitiful whimper.

“look at me.” your eyes didn't open, too focused on how his single finger made you feel more than anyone(soonyoung) could. “y/n.” chan stopped his finger, bringing his hand up to grip your jaw. he turned your head to look at him, your eyes finally opening half-lidded.

“such a pretty girl,” he dropped his hand back to your waiting pussy, two fingers penetrating you. your breath hitched as his fingers gradually picked up their pace, your arousal slightly spattering against his palm. he pulled them out quickly, looking at you with a devious smirk on his face, noticing your upset expression, as he pushed his fingers back into you… only for him to pull out each time he pushed them in.

he may have missed you, but there was something about teasing you. he loved watching you whine, knowing it was for him and only him. you on the other hand hated it(secretly loved it). you wanted nothing more than to get him back for all the teasing, but chan would never allow it. domming him was never ever a question in chan’s mind. you'd tried once, but he never backed down on being on top. chan continued to tease you, watching and sneering at your writhing body.

you were begging, begging for him to do something, begging for him to fuck you. he wiped his hand on your thigh and stood up once again. you looked up at him, putting your feet down on the mattress, keeping your legs spread open for him as he stripped free from his pants and boxers. he tutted his finger from side to side then pointed that single finger to you, rotating it as he signaled for you to turn.

you grinned, speedily turning on to all fours, bringing a pillow to your head as you arched your ass up towards him. he leaned over you, moving the pillow away, allowing your body to bend more into the arch as your head lay flat on the mattress. he stood back upright, kneading your ass in both of his hands, scarcely leaving small spanks. you, being the stubborn brat you were, shook your hips impatiently, knowing how mad it made chan. those small spanks became harsh as you let out a small squeak.

“chan… please…”

“keep begging, maybe it'll work in your favor,” his tip glided through your folds, stopping at your clit as he rubbed it gently.

“please chan, need your cock so bad. missed it in me, missed your cum filling me up,” you whined, and for some reason, feeling yourself tear up already. you couldn't see behind you, but from the sound of chan’s chuckle and the tip of his cock pushing into you ever so slowly, he was enjoying every bit of it.

“more.”

“please chan, need you to fuck me.”

“that's it? doesn't seem like you really missed me as much as you said,” he taunted, pulling out of you. at the mere feel of him pulling away, you jolted up with wide eyes, shaking your head.

“no! please, i need you so bad, i’m begging. you don't understand how bad i need you chan,” you sat on your knees, bottom lip poking out in a pout and tears brimming your eyes. “i’ll even tell you how much i touched myself just thinking about you.”

“well, tell me,” he crossed his arms over his chest, smirking at you tauntingly.

“i… every time i fingered myself i… i pictured it was you just so i could come faster.”

“carry on…” he bit his lip, his hand wrapped around his shaft as he stroked himself.

“it was never enough, all i wanted was you to fuck me…it didn't feel the same. i don't know, i just… i just need you to be rough with me, please,” you said in nearly a whisper.

that seemed to do the trick because soon as you finished your sentence, chan pushed you back on the mattress, dragging you to the edge of the bed, his cock pushing into your pussy harshly; the squelching sound of your juices was the only thing heard in the room other than your sudden gasp.

chan didn't take his time with you. at all. his hands gripped your waist, almost destined to never let go. his hips pounded into yours, the feeling making your hands grip the sheet below you. “this is what my pretty girl wanted, right?” he asked in between grunts.

the tears that brimmed your eyes pooled down your face as you tried to give him a response but failed miserably. you could only muster up moans, but that was enough for chan. he fucked in you almost like he was proving a point to you. this was where you belonged, not with anyone else.

“tell me how much you love it,” he leaned on you, his hips slowing a bit.

“i love it so much, need more please,” you begged pitifully, feeling his teeth slightly bite your earlobe.

“more, huh? this isn't enough for you?” he nodded to himself, standing back upright, grabbing your shoulders to bring you with him. he wrapped his arms around your waist tightly as he slammed you down on his cock. his hips moved in tandem with his pulls causing your eyes to roll back in pleasure.

“is this good enough, mm? is this what you wanted? you're taking me so well, you know that?”

“fu-fuck chan. feels so, ah, feels so fucking good,” you moaned out, leaning your head back on his shoulder.

one of his hands moved from the grip he had on you to hold onto your chin, tilting your face to his. he kissed you roughly, his tongue gliding along with yours. you were in a total haze. when you said that chan could make you come within a blink of an eye, you weren't lying… but as you felt your orgasm build, so did chan. your walls sucked him in deeper and as you were about to let out another moan, he pulled out with a thought popping up in his mind.

you turned your head to look at him, panting, tears still flowing down the plush of your cheeks, “please, don't… don’t fucking do this again.”

he chuckled, scooting you to the side as he sat down on the edge of the bed. he grabbed your hand, tugging you gently on his lap, your cunt hovering over his cock, tip prodding at your entrance. “wanna ride, or do you want me to do all the work?”

your eyes widened, your hands bracing on his shoulders, “you're letting me top?”

“don't be so surprised. do you want to or not? i’d be more than happy to–”

“when i need you to take over, will you?” you cut him off, playing with your fingers.

“a thousand percent,” he said, smiling softly. his demeanor did a full 360 on you, but sex with chan was always filled with surprises.

you smiled widely at him, pecking his lips before one of your hands dipped between the two of you, lining him up to your entrance. you sunk down on him until you bottomed out, both of you letting out content groans. you felt amazing around him, but you knew chan was waiting for you to come before he could. you started to bounce on his lap, clumsily, but enough for you both to get some bits of pleasure. chan let out an unexpected low moan that made you almost lose your mind and your nonexistent pace. you wanted–no, needed–for more of those to come from his mouth. you gripped his shoulders tighter, eyes squeezing shut as his cock grazed your walls entirely too well. he was holding onto your waist as tightly as he did when he was domming you, but this time it was for a vastly different reason.

you loved this, so much. you leaned back, hands on his knees as you swiveled your hips against his, clit brushing up against his pelvis. the extra stimulation had you throwing your head back in pleasure, letting out an unstable moan, unable to focus on your movements any longer.

“you did your best pretty girl,” he joked, leaning back on his hands, his left grabbing your thigh. “move your hips back against me, you hear me?”

you nodded, one of your fists clenching at your side while the other gripped his knee to keep yourself balanced as you languidly ground your hips against his length. he pumped up into you, focusing on how beautiful you looked: eyes closed, bottom lip tucked underneath the top row of your teeth as you tried to hide your breathy moans, your face stained with tear streaks, breasts moving up and down steadily as you rocked your cunt down on him. you really were his pretty girl.

he watched as his lap puddled in your sweet arousal and swiped your clit with two fingers before bringing them up to his mouth to suck on them. you looked at him with the same hooded eyes as before. the way he sucked on his fingers making you clench down on his shaft.

“you keep doing that, i’m gonna come faster than you get to,” he laughed airly, rubbing your thigh gently.

you smiled lazily, leaning up, bringing your lips to his. the air in the room, although still hot, became lighter. it was loving. chan had proven his point, now it was time to enjoy the moment with you for as long as he wanted. his hand moved from your thigh to your ass, slapping it before gripping the soft flesh. you sucked in a breath, pulling from his lips, looking over his expression. you bought your hands to cup his face, your swollen lips kissing his once again.

“i love you y/n,” he mumbled against your lips. “so much.”

“i love you too.”

“i’m gonna go faster now, okay?”

you said a soft ‘okay’, laying your forehead on his shoulder. chan’s pace quickened nearly instantly, the position you two were in gave chan a way to get to your g-spot easily. you moaned in his ear, eyes fluttering shut yet again.

“fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” you cried, turning your face away from him as his fingers toyed with your clit. you kept moaning ‘oh fuck’ like it was the only two words in your vocabulary. moans and curses spewed from your mouth until your body convulsed on top of him.

chan held you to him, kissing your shoulder, slowing his thrusts to coax you through your high. as you came down, you breathed heavily, trying your hardest to steady yourself.

chan rubbed your back soothingly, “you okay?”

you nodded.

“i’m gonna come now okay,” he said, flipping you so your back laid onto the mattress, letting you climb to the head of the bed to rest your head on a pillow.

you nodded again.

he kneeled on the bed, pushing his cock back into you as he jerked his hips sloppily inside of you. you tried to moan, but the overstimulation was so overwhelming that your mouth fell open into a silent moan. you felt him twitch in you before ropes of his cum filled you to the brim. you shook a bit as he pulled out slowly, the sweat from his body melding with yours as he laid on top of you.

“so, did that show how much i missed you?”

“oh… fucking absolutely.”

after the last date, chan continued taking you on them. the butterflies each time never left no matter how many dates he took you on. there was no doubting how much you loved each other, and after each amazing lovemaking session, and the quite daring quickies, you got back together. this time you two didn't rush into it, you didn't want to lose the love you both thought you had lost before.

it was finally after the last date, you two were cuddled up against the couch looking at whatever movie played on the tv as vernon and seungkwan came in looking at the two of you.

“oh wow. you owe me twenty bucks,” vernon whispered to seungkwan a bit too loudly. seungkwan slapped the other’s shoulder, his face morphing into a frown.

“you guys were betting on our relationship?” chan asked, a scowl falling on his face, as well as a mimicking one on your own face.

they both looked at you two with widened eyes before pointing at each other, “he started it!”

“vernon, you literally told me you wanted to see if it'll last. guys see, look it wasn't even me, i… hah… i thought you two were gonna prosper,” seungkwan tried sounding certain of himself, scratching the back of his neck before clapping his hands together. neither you nor chan’s faces changed from the previous scowls. vernon, obviously not catching the signals, spoke again.

“what? dude, you're the one who said ‘oh y/n might kick chan’s ass by the end of–’ ow!” vernon rubbed the side of his head. you glared at seungkwan as he bit down on his cheek, avoiding eye contact. vernon on the other hand was ready to slap seungkwan back, but seungkwan was quick to move away.

as the two argued and chased each other around the tight living room, chan looked at you and then at your hands that were laced together. perfect.

“you wanna go to my place instead?” you asked him, rubbing his hand softly.

he looked up at you, nodding as he looked at his two friends and then you again, “yes please.”

in a split second, you two were gone and vernon definitely got that twenty bucks.

short taglist: @bang-bang-bangtxn

can’t tag: @chwebychew

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moonlightdreamzz · 9 months

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THIN APOLOGIES / PART 1

SUMMARY ✰ Mark is your boyfriend, and Vernon is your best friend. You're sick of Mark not treating you right, and Vernon is too. He's also sick of watching from the sidelines when he knows no one can make you happier than him.

PAIRING ✰ Idol!Mark x Idol!Reader x Idol!Vernon

GENRE ✰ ANGST & FLUFF

NOTE ✰ This is actually the first story I ever wrote in my entire life three years ago. It’s my baby. I said to myself, I should rewrite this because the original version was written like the beginner I was at the time. I hope you all enjoy. It’s so good.

Blonde by Frank Ocean has been playing on loop for hours over your speakers. For what seems like days, your gaze has been fixed on the candle blazing in front of you. There are numerous reasons why you can't take your eyes off its flame—the first being that if you do, you'll be forced to see all of the decorations and food you prepared for Mark, who has decided for the third time in a row that you aren't important enough to show up for. All of his favorite things are strewn throughout your living room, unused.

The second reason you can't tear your gaze away from the flame is that you're intrigued. The lavender-scented wax is nearing the end of its life after being used for so long. What happens when there’s none left? Does the flame die peacefully? Or does the jar burn and combust, leaving you regretting not extinguishing the flame sooner?

Sick isn't the word to describe how your boyfriend has made you feel over the past few months. You’ve tried to see the positives of his absence right now, but it’s utterly impossible. What could you say to yourself? At least you got ditched in the comfort of your own home this time, Y/N? And not in a restaurant, or a random parking lot his manager drove you to?

Mark always has his excuses of course. His favorite one to use was that you don’t understand the sacrifices it takes to be an idol. When the two of you first began to have issues, you took those words to heart. You know how much he’s sacrificed to be where he is, and you never wanted him to think you were that girl—the girl who got in a relationship with an idol and acted like she didn’t know what she was signing up for. As time passed, you realized that he was just manipulating you.

He’s so good at it too. Or maybe he’s just an incredibly beautiful man, whose doe eyes could convince anybody that he indeed is a good person—he just doesn’t think sometimes. You just wish he’d understand that you indeed do understand his life, it’s simply his unfulfilled promises that are so incredibly frustrating. Summer Walker once said, “it doesn’t matter how hard I I try, I say it nice, yell it out loud, write it down, I’m tired.” She damn sure was right.

“Why plan a date you can’t come to? Just tell me it’ll be awhile before I’ll see you again.”

“I’m sorry, baby. I thought I could make it.”

Your phone begins vibrating on your coffee table infront of you, interrupting the reflecting that you’re tired of doing anyways. You know it’s Mark, back again with whatever his reason is this time for not showing up. For a second, you consider not picking it up. Maybe if he knew what it felt like to be abandoned, he’d stop doing it to you.

You inhale deeply before picking up the phone, surprised at whose name is popping up.

“Vernon?” You whisper to yourself. You feel a brief burst of happiness before immediately shifting to concern due to the time of night.

You and Vernon have been close friends since debut. Some would say it’s because you two are the English speakers of your group, but you only saw that as a plus in your friendship. In reality, Vernon was a quirky, artsy, adorably curious boy, and you always felt this weird urge to…protect him. You figure he was drawn to how you never judged him, and how open you were about what you referred to as “Vernon’s philosophies”. He got your jokes, and you pretended you understood his. The rest is history.

Laughter escapes your throat, scaring you simultaneously as you can’t remember the last time you genuinely found anything funny. In the midst of your giggles, Vernon begins to FaceTime you, and you don’t hesitate to answer the phone.

You can see through the phone how hard he’s trying to be irritated with you, but you also notice how bad he’s failing at doing so. The corner of his pink lips are twitching, and his hooded eyes are melting along with it as neither of you break virtual eye contact with each other. This only makes you laugh even harder. His flawless features don’t hold long, and he’s smirking boyishly now.

“You really think this is funny, huh?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well you know what I think is funny right now? You’re alone right now.” He jokes.

“Ha ha,” You laugh sarcastically, “Am I really this worthless? Like be honest.” You question, a sad smile naturally creeping onto your features as reality attempts to set back in.

Vernon’s eyes roll aggressively, followed by a deep inhale. You know him. He wants to tell you about yourself, and remind you of all the times you promised him you’d have more confidence, just to end up asking him questions like this in the end. It takes him longer than you expected to find kind words to say to you, but you appreciate the fact that he cares enough to spare you, because he wouldn’t do it for anyone else.

“Don’t ever call yourself worthless. He’s the worthless one. If he can’t see how amazing you are,that’s his problem and you shouldn’t just sit here and take it, Y/N. That’s not even like you.”

“But…I love him.”

“Yeah...that always sucks doesn’t it?” He says, almost as if he’s speaking to himself and not you. “I know it’s late, but how about I come keep you company Y/N?. You deserve to be happy for at least a few hours don’t you think?” He chuckles.

He’s no longer looking directly at you. He’s looking at whatever is below him now. Vernon coming to keep you company isn’t a terrible idea. Right now, you so deeply crave to be around someone who actually cares about you, and he’s a clear candidate.

“Yeah! Let me get dressed and I’ll come pick you up.”

“Do really think I’d let you leave your house at this hour to do anything for me?”

“Well, how else are you gonna get here? You don’t have a car and I know your manager is knocked out.”

His boyish smile returns, and you already know a sarcastic comment is closer than around the corner. “You ever heard of uber?”

Now you’re the one rolling your eyes. Was this okay? I mean, the two of you are only friends, but Dispatch nor fans would care about that if they so happened to be stalking you. Him coming over late could turn into a whole situation that you aren’t in the mood to hear about.

“What if you get caught?” You question, although unconsciously do you begin to tidy up in your living room.

“I didn’t.”

He didn’t? Was he already—

Your doorbell ringing interrupts your thoughts.

“Vernon!” You scream through the phone, so many questions running through your mind.

“Are you going to let me in, or are we gonna hangout from outside the door?” He snickers slyly.

You should have known he was up to no good the moment you couldn't identify where he was from his surroundings. All you saw was darkness, but you imagined he was walking around his neighborhood or simply in the dark, because that was so Vernon.

With precision and quickness, you run to the door and open it. You’re still dolled up; face beat like it’s prom night from the date you should’ve been wrapping up by now. Vernon steps in, and for a second it seems like he’s frozen in place. It’s embarrassing, as you often got reactions like this when you dressed up because without an occasion, you were going to choose sweatpants, a graphic tee, and crocs everytime.

“Woah.” He utters.

“What? You just saw me on the phone, Vernon.” You question amusingly before walking to your kitchen to grab him a water.

“Thank you.” He whispers as he takes it out of your hand. “It’s just…you’re so…ugly.”

You know that he thinks you’re going to hit him immediately, so you wait an extra second before punching him lightly in his stomach.

“Shut up!” You laugh, loudly this time. It’s a rare occurrence these days for anything to unconsume your mind of Mark Lee, but Vernon’s doing that with ease right now. “You stay your ass right there and I’ll be back. I should probably take all this off.” You whisper while pointing to you and all your current glory.

“Take your time.” Vernon utters, no funny business in the room now. His smile is gentle as he nudges you towards your room.

You began walking in slow motion down your hallway. “Oh trust me, I will.” It doesn’t take you long to strip down to your natural state. You remove your clothes first, settling on a gray t-shirt you’ve had for years. If you didn’t have company, you’d stop it at that. You decide on some matching gray pajama shorts. The sight of Mark’s clothes in the drawer pisses you off all over again. As you remove your makeup, you can't help but squeal with delight. The wipes that you bought in replacement of the ones that took way too many to clean your face, was worth the investment.

The final touch is your bonnet, which you slip on your head with ease. Your icy feet drag over the hallway floor, a flood of fatigue washing over you.

“Awe.” Vernon coos when you reappear. In the midst of you getting ready for bed, he carefully placed all of the decorations you left out for Mark out of sight in the kitchen. He really wanted to throw it away, but that wasn’t his decision to make. Netflix is waiting for two of you.

“Don’t awe me.” You plop yourself on the couch so hard you’re pretty sure Vernon levitates for a second. You push the button to recline your seat, shutting your eyes right and leaning your head back with a sigh. “Thank you, Vernon.” You say the second you realize he cleaned up your clutter. The room feels less heavy now that you’re not forced to look at your wasted hard work. You feel his gaze on you, but energetically, you can’t interpret why he’s staring at you. You’ll settle on pity.

“Ah, I haven’t done much. Plus, you’ve always been there for me.”

Your comfort turns into guilt, recalling all the times you haven’t been there for your close friend in the midst of you and Mark’s relationship crashing. “Not like this.” You utter.

“Well, no you haven’t surprised me with a big box of donuts and a new video game,” He chuckles, “But you’ve been there for me. A lot of times unknowingly, if I’m being honest. Your presence alone…does a lot for me—I mean, for people.” He rambles. “Plus, I’m one of a kind, anyways.”

A smile creeps onto your features at him teasing you lovingly. You’re beginning to doze off, which typically makes you stare at things unintentionally. Your target tonight is Vernon, who is sitting extremely close to you right now. Your hand begins to entangle themselves in his locs, causing his eyes to flutter in relaxation.

“Enough about me.” You protest softly, “What’s going on in the life of Hansol, hm?”

“Nothing much,” He whispers, enjoying the feeling of your hands running through his scalp. His eyes are stuck on the ceiling, but you know he’s still listening to you. “I’m like a robot these days. I wake up, go to practice, go back to the dorm, sleep, repeat.”

“Why didn’t eat make the list?”

“Oh yeah, that too. But you know me. If I have to pick between sleeping and eating, I’m picking the first option.”

“Oh I know.” You can’t count on one hand the amount of times you scolded Vernon for sleeping too much, even though you do the same thing the second you get a break from schedules.

“Too much of a good thing, is a bad thing, Vernon.”

“Not everything.” He whispers, seemingly dazed out now. You’re ceiling wasn’t that interesting. He has something on his mind, but you’re not sure if you want to pick his brain. If he wanted you to know what’s on his mind, he’d say it. At the same time, you’re his right hand woman, and he’ll just have to deal with you being in his business.

Your eyebrows raise in an interrogative fashion. “Give me an example?”

“You.” He says simply. His eyes lock themselves into yours confidently, but you’re unsure how to feel. What was he trying to say? Is he flirting? Is he just being kind? It’s always been so hard for you to understand him when he gets like this.

“What about me?” Is all you can manage. You’re not sure why you’re nervous now, but you are. You hope you’re not making it obvious that his comment has made your breathing unsteady.

“I’m just saying it’s impossible to get tired of you. ‘Too much’ of you,” he air quotes, “would make the world a much better place.”

“You think so?” You question genuinely. “Mark doesn’t seem to think so.”

“Mark is a fucking idiot.” He spits out.

“I’m not gonna disagree.”

“I mean look at everything you did for him today, just for him to not show up?” Vernon begins to frantically point in all directions of your home, including at yourself as well as your kitchen. “What kind of boyfriend doesn’t come home to this?”

Silence is the only thing you can provide right now. One because he’s right, but two, because you’ve never seen Vernon so riled up on your behalf. He was the one always talking you off cliffs, not the other way around.

“Sorry,” He clears his throat. His voice is back to his regular tone now.

“Don’t be. Thank you for caring about me.”

You don’t know why, but you feel a desire to nuzzle into Vernon’s shoulder, so you do. Naturally, he wraps his arm around your shoulder to allow you more comfortability. Maybe it’s wrong, maybe it’s not, but it doesn’t feel wrong being in his arms right now. You know if you consider Mark, you should pull away, but when’s the last time Mark considered you?

“Is this okay?” He questions, his tone a mixture of hope and concern as he’s likely reading your mind right now. He had a knick for that when it came to you.

“It’s okay.” You decide. I mean, who’s going to catch you?

The two of you lay like that for the remainder of the night, watching a movie that Vernon puts on, but you can't concentrate. All you can think of is how you're lying in the arms of another man, your heart fluttering. That isn't supposed to happen. However, your thoughts are brief because you quickly find yourself dozing off in his arms that feel as if they never want to let you go.

It’s the wee hours of the morning when your phone rings, and then vibrates, indicating someone has called and texted you.

You and Vernon sleep through it.

TO BE CONTINUED

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