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bluemoon-writer · 3 years

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TSI - Chapter 1 Notes

Here are my full notes and commentary for Chapter 1 of my Harry Potter fic 'The Snake Inside'.

Chapter 1 can be found here.

Throughout the chapter there are numbers in parentheses, these numbers correspond to the below notes. To best understand what I’m talking about in the notes I would recommend opening the story in a second tab and following along from there.

(notes begin under the cut)

1. This is, if you hadn’t noticed, lifted directly from the book, I do do this a couple times however, this is the only one that is italicized. I’m going to try and point out the other instances in chapter notes as well.

2. Another line lifted from the book, although here it has slightly different context

3. This was another line from the book, although again it has slightly different context (also I swear these notes aren’t just going to be me citing passages from the book)

4. I was actually really conflicted over this. Dudley is obviously incredibly spoiled so I figured it made sense that if for once Harry had something that he didn’t that he would throw a fit and demand he get the same. What I wasn’t confident about was how Petunia or Vernon would react as they really do love Dudley, shown by how much they spoil him. In this scenario, I decided that Petunia’s hatred of magic plus her fear of losing Dudley to magic (just like she lost her sister) would drive her to hit Dudley.

5. The first signs of Harry’s sneaky Slytherin side! He reads the room and chooses the best manner to approach the situation, something he would be good at considering he grew up in an abusive household. He would likely have gotten very good at reading moods and acting accordingly at a young age to avoid being hit or yelled at.

6. It might seem like Harry is a little quick to believe in Hogwarts and want to go considering he knows nothing about it. But, it’s an escape from the Dursleys and the terrible school they were going to send him to. Plus, it’s obvious that the Dursleys hate magic, so why would they lie to Harry about him being a wizard?

7. I know in canon Hogwarts is free, but that simply doesn’t make sense to me. In my world, Hogwarts is the best and most elite school in Britain, but it’s not the only one. There are also smaller ‘public’ wizarding schools that people who can’t afford Hogwarts go to. Also, if Hogwarts has a tuition then it only makes sense to me that the Potter Parents would set up an education fund for Harry, especially since their lives were at risk, they would want to make sure that Harry would be able to get the best education possible.

8. Some more Slytherin sneakiness, Harry isn’t a master manipulator by any means but he’s lived with the Dursleys for 11 years, he knows how to play them.

9. I don’t write it in bc it seemed unnecessary, but she does explain her reasoning off-screen.

10. Some foreshadowing here, I thought I was rather clever, finding a logical way for Harry and Vernon to learn how to enter the train platform.

11. This whole paragraph is my attempt at showing how Harry is still just a kid who’s curious about the new world he’s found himself in. I know I write Harry (and all the characters his age) as being a little more mature than they probably would be in reality, so here I was trying to show a pure, childlike curiosity and also some trains of thought that aren’t totally logical bc he is a kid.

12. I do think the Dursleys, or Vernon at least, is more clever than he gets credit for, he is high up in Grunnings, so he has to have some sort of head on his shoulders, and he’s certainly self-serving we saw in book 2 how he lathered up those rich people he wanted to impress. So, I think as much as Vernon might hate magic and think goblins are disgusting, that he would very much be able to put that aside if he thought it might benefit him.

13. The goblins ‘revealing the truth’ to Harry, or giving him or helping him out in some way is kinda over done and doesn’t always make sense as the goblins really have no reason so want to go out of their way to help Harry. But, I needed an unbiased 3rd party to teach Harry a little about the wizarding world and I figured a satisfactory motivation for the goblins would be making money in the form of consultation fees.

14. The first hints of Dumbledore’s manipulations. He wants a naïve Savior who will be easy for him to influence and shape into the person he thinks the world needs. Note, I’m not going for an evil Dumbledore, just a morally grey Dumbledore.

15. Paper business refers to the practice of owning a business on paper but not being involved in how it’s currently ran, I’m not trying to say that the Potters own several companies that sell paper. I don’t know if this is a common term, when I googled it nothing came up, but my dad uses it a lot when talking about businesses. Also, we know in canon that the Potters are rich but in a lot of fics it has evolved into them being extremely wealthy and influential. I’m running with this fanon idea because the Potters are a very old family, they’ve been around since the 12thcentury and married into other very influential families in canon. Also, if I ever get to the later years I do want to mess around with some politics and Harry having power from his family name will be a necessary advantage.

16. I’m not going to bore you guys with paragraphs detailing just how exceedingly rich Harry is, if he can’t even do anything with what he owns yet. He’s 11, he’s not going to be making any smart investments.

17. Like I said earlier with the tuition vault, the Potters were soldiers in a war, they knew they might die and I think it’s only logical that they would take precautions to ensure that Harry would have a comfortable life should they die.

18. This might seem like a lot, but again, the Potters are rich and they want their only child to be able to have a comfortable life even if they die, plus it is supposed to last until Harry’s an adult.

19. This is not canon, JKR said that a galleon is approx. 5 British pounds. I think that’s too low, so I changed it. I mean, it’s solid gold and the highest form of currency it’s got to be worth more than that.

20. Trying to give Dumbledore the benefit of the doubt, but of course Vernon is going to be suspicious of anyone who took money that he could have used.

21. This is just something that I thought made sense, Gringotts has been established as being in the business of making money and how can they do that if they’re cut off from part of their clientele?

22. I’m trying to go in a new direction with the Dursleys, I’m not trying to redeem them, but like Dumbledore, they’re in a grey area, especially Vernon. I think a self-serving Vernon would be interested in learning more about the magic world, or more specifically learning what it can do for him. But also because you need to know your enemy, as interested as he might be in profiting off magic, Vernon doesn’t trust wizards. As for Harry, this is a Slytherin AU, of course he’s going to play along with his uncle’s plan as long as it benefits him.

23. This is another line from the book

24. Hints that Dean is actually a halfblood and not muggleborn, this is canon too. I’m looking forward to exploring the future “tracking down who my real dad was arc”

25. Originally, I had Harry meet Hermione and her family, but I decided to change it to Dean because I wanted to go down some different avenues. A lot of Slytherin Harry stories have Harry becoming friends with Hermione early on despite their differences and I didn’t want to just do the same thing as everyone else. Also, I really like Dean Thomas’s character he’s a friendly, good natured, brave and loyal. I also think that Harry would get along better with Dean right off the bat than he would with Hermione.

26. Honestly, I think it’s ridiculous that they still use quills and I will be using the trope where Harry sneaks in ballpoint pens.

27. Harry came to Diagon a few days earlier than he did in canon, so I figure it only makes sense that he would meet someone different at Madam Malkins also this gave me a great opportunity to shoe in one of my other favorite characters, Neville.

28. I headcanon that Harry and Neville have a slight magical bond over both being possible options for the prophecy.

29. I admit this is slightly unrealistic, as I’ve dropped my glasses several times before and they’ve never broken but I wanted an excuse to get Harry some new glasses.

30. Not implausible, but also not likely either. Also, I admit I really have no clue about British healthcare, especially not what it was like in the 80s and 90s. I know it’s free, but that there’s also the option to do private or paid care. So, for this story, assume that the Dursleys use private care bc they want to seem better than everyone else.

31. Again, probably not the most realistic scenario, but it is possible. I got glasses when I was 11 and contacts when I was 15, but I definitely could have gotten the contacts when I was a little younger. Maybe not, 11-years old younger, but I don’t think it’s entirely out of the ballpark.

32. I didn’t see any point in changing Hedwig’s name, so I kept it the same.

33. Giving Harry contacts was something that I debated a lot, there’s no real reason he needs them, I just wanted him to have some because they’re convenient. I personally regret not getting contacts earlier.

34. To be honest, this is actually a bit of a cop out on my end because I haven’t figured out the entire political system yet. BUT even if I had, Harry is still 11 so he probably wouldn’t understand it that well anyways. There will be a brief explanation in chapter 2 though.

35. Dudley’s reaction is anything thing I was really torn up about. Because he’s essentially torn between his two parents, sticking with Petunia ostracizes him from Vernon and sticking with Vernon ostracizes him from Petunia. Ultimately, I decided Dudley would value his father’s attention more because while Petunia wouldn’t like him getting involved with magic, she wouldn’t cut Dudley off completely, she loves him too much. But Vernon, has been completely distracted by magic and without Dudley getting involved in it too then he won’t get any attention from his father.

36. According to the HP wiki, Dean’s family actually lives in London, but I wanted it to be more convenient for them to meet so I moved them closer to the Dursleys. Also, I actually did about an hour’s worth of research on google maps trying to find a real place Dean’s family to live.

37. A whole lot of this section with the Weasleys was lifted from the book with slightly different commentary from Harry. I originally had more, but it didn’t add anything so I cut it out.

38. I don’t know how outgoing Ron was before he met Harry, if I was him though I would be too nervous to intrude on a compartment with two other kids who looked like they were already friends.

39. This is not a Ron bashing fic, Harry has no reason to dislike him, so of course he wouldn’t be opposed to sitting with him. That said, for the premise of the story I couldn’t have them sit together because Ron is heavily biased against Slytherin.

40. Poor Draco, if he had just paid more attention to who he was passing in the hall then he would have met Harry, but again, I couldn’t let that happen because Draco’s so obnoxious that he’d turn Harry off Slytherin.

41. Honestly, I just wanted Harry to interact with more students who can be potential friends.

42. Again, and the sorting is lifted from the book. I’m not going to make note of every line.

43. I wasn’t sure if I wanted Neville to be in Hufflepuff of Gryffindor at first. A lot of people argue that Neville needed to be in Gryffindor to learn how to be brave, but I think that Hufflepuff would provide a strong support system that would help Neville gain confidence in himself. Also, I decided that Harry’s words in the robe shop would influence Neville into not thinking that he was a loser if he went to Hufflepuff. I imagine in canon, much like Harry was chanting “not slytherin” Neville was probably chanting “not Hufflepuff”. So I think it’s fitting they both don’t end up in Gryffindor in this fic. Also, Harry already has a Gryffindor friend in Dean, he can use a Hufflepuff friend.

#the snake inside #chapter notes #tsi

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unloveable-unreachable · 5 years

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You’re the One My Heart Wants- Chapter 3

Word Count: 3,095

Warnings: Swearing

Author: Me

Alex’s POV (The Night Before)

“I’ve never really talked to her outside the pitch. She normally keeps to herself, or she’s always attached to Ali or Ash’s hip every time I see her,” I tell Kelley as I drive us to Y/N’s house. “I know she can be hard to get to know, believe me. She’s a very closed off person to a lot of people, it took me forever to get her to open up to me. When she did she became a different person. She’s a very sweet, caring person who puts others needs above her own and honestly I admire her for that because you don’t meet many people like that anymore. She’s probably funnier than me if I’m being honest, but don’t ever tell her I said that to you,” Kelley says as I look at her in disbelief. Kelley rolls her eyes before saying “Come on, Al. You should just give her a chance. She’s a great person once you get to know her, I promise.” She then changes the song for the tenth time since we got in the car.

I really didn’t know what to think of Y/N. I know she’s still kind of young considering she’s already played with the National Team in two different tournaments and a ton of friendly matches. I know she’s been on the National Team with us since 2015, she scored in two of the matched during the last World Cup, but she just keeps to herself. She’s always working out more than everyone else, putting in as much extra time as she can. She normally works out alone, unless Ali and Ash are around. They act like she’s their kid and that doesn’t seem to bother her too much. She’s a fantastic player like it’s really interesting watching her play. Especially when she gets an opening, that’s when her trickster footwork comes into play, and you don’t want to be on the other team whenever that happens. We play really well together whenever we’re on the pitch together, which if I’m being honest is what our club needs. So why haven’t I made the effort to be friends with her?

I’m pulled from my thoughts when we finally pull up to Y/N’s place. Kelley barely waits for the car to stop before jumping out and running to the front door. I have to almost run to keep up with her. Jesus, she’s a child. She knocks, but then just walks right in like she’s been here a hundred times already. I slip in the door and look around the rather comfortable looking house. You would never guess that she just moved in a little over a month ago. Ali and Ash really outdid themselves finding this place for her, like damn, it’s really fucking nice. I finally find Kelley in the kitchen, loving up on an adorable Corgi and talking to Y/N. All I do is smile at Kelley, watching her play with the dog on the floor.

“I can’t believe you haven’t brought Luna to see me more. She loves her Aunt Kelley, and obviously missed me,” Kelley says to Y/N as she cradles the dog like a baby. I roll my eyes at her statement and give her a soft smile knowing she wishes she could have a dog of her own one day. Y/N just laughs at Kelley and shakes her head before explaining how she finally got them all moved in and should have time soon to make a trip to see Kelley. I watch Y/N as she talks to Kelley, focusing all of my attention on her. I watch how she holds herself, and my eyes wander to her tattoo-covered arms. Holy fuck she has so many, and they’re all so good. I only have one and I know I’m keeping it to that number, but I still wish I had her confidence to get them where people can see. I’m studying the one that looks like someone’s handwriting that goes down her left shoulder trying to read it, but part of it was hidden under her shirt. Shit. She caught me staring. I try to hide my embarrassment but my blushing gave me away, no doubt. That’s when we finally say hi, but I can’t help but get lost in her eyes. I thought they were light blue because that’s what I’d always seen on the pitch, but this time they’re more of a green-blue. And I’m caught in a trance for a moment while she smiles at me then at Kelley.

“So...drinks?” Kelley asks after she set Luna back on the ground. I’m relieved that someone finally brought up the drinks because that’s what the whole night was about. Not staring at Y/N and getting lost in her fucking beautiful eyes. “Yes, please. I gotta buy you a round after your win,” Y/N says back. Kelley shoots her a cheesy grin and gives her two thumbs up. I roll my eyes at Kelley because she’s the biggest goof I’ve ever known, and she knows it (pretty proud of it, too). “I called the Uber earlier, they should be here by now,” I state as me and Kelley head out the door while Y/N locks up. I beat Kelley to the passenger seat because I’m not going to let her bug our driver, and because I’m the only one who knows where the best bars are. Y/N shoots me a smirk as she walks past the passenger side, and I swear my breath gets caught in my throat. It was small and subtle, but it had an effect on me I couldn’t quite explain. I give the driver directions to a bar that I’d been to once before and we’re on our way.

After a stress-filled ride to the street the bar was on, we finally get out of the car. I can hear Kelley laughing at something Y/N must have said while in the backseat. I’m not the jealous type when it comes to Kelley because I know she has many, many friends. I know I don’t have to fight to be her best friend since we’ve always been there for each other since we first met back in 2009. I also know she doesn’t get to see Y/N that much since she plays in Utah and has a place in Atlanta and also when she goes on trips with me so much during the year. So I try to give them time to catch up and space by walking a little ahead of them, still able to hear them if they want to tell me something. While trying to figure out where the bar was, my mom calls me. I figure it must be important if she’s calling me this late. “Hey, I’ll catch up with you guys. My mom’s calling me,” I tell them as I head towards a bench. I watch them walk into the bar as I answer the phone.

“Hey, mom,” I say when I finally answer. “Hey, honey. I hope I didn’t interrupt anything,” she responds. “No, no you didn’t interrupt anything. I’m out with Kelley and a new player on my team, but I can answer your phone calls anytime. What’s up?” I ask a little confused. “I was just calling to let you know that your LA house finally sold. Everything has been dealt with so there’s nothing you have to deal with. Servando is going to send you the rest of your stuff this week,” my mom says with a careful tone. I let out a sigh of relief I didn’t know I was holding back. Finally. I wasn’t tied to him anymore. I can finally move on with whoever I want, without his judgment and hatefulness hanging over my head anymore. “Thank you for telling me, mom. It’s one less thing I have to worry about.” We talk a few more minutes before I tell her I have to go. “Alright, honey. Tell Kelley I said hi and that I love her.” I roll my eyes, knowing how much my mom loved each and every one of my friends, and let out a laugh. “Okay mom, I will.” We say our goodbyes and I make my way into the bar to find Kelley and Y/N.

By the time I find them, Kelley is already about four beers in and several shots deep. She’s talking about the game and what Y/N could’ve done better. Y/N, who is about as deep in as Kelley, is definitely holding her alcohol way better than Kelley. Like seriously, she could pass as sober. I’m not kidding. I order my drink and slide next to Kelley, waiting for the argument to get more heated because I know Kelley, she doesn’t go down without a fight. Y/N is a surprising challenger to watch against Kelley. She isn’t arguing back, she’s holding her ground by telling Kelley what she did wrong. I nearly spit up my drink from laughing so hard at what Y/N said and Kelley’s defensive reaction that she could never pull off drunk. We all finish our drinks not long after that, and Y/N offers to buy the next round. Kelley takes that as her opportunity to jump up and show off her dance moves to whatever song is playing in the bar.

As Kelley and I lead Y/N into another bar, I notice she seems more relaxed than she was when we left her house. And probably more relaxed than I’ve ever seen her if I’m being completely honest. Kelley drags me up on a bar and we just dance as Y/N watches us, laughing harder than she probably ever has. We take three rounds of shots before Y/N pulls us off the bar and outside. She has her hands full with me and Kelley as she forces us in the backseat of the Uber. Kelley and I can’t stop laughing for no apparent reason. Y/N tried to get us to stop but fails multiple times. When the poor man driving us asks where we’re going Kelley blurts out, “Y/N house!” Y/N groans and rolls her eyes at the smiling Kelley as she gives the man the address.

When we finally pull into Y/N’s driveway, it feels like we’ve been in the car for forever but that probably was the alcohol. She has to drag me and Kelley to her back patio. Kelley calls for Luna, and we both beg Y/N for more drinks. She rolls her eyes before going over to her bar. She produces a whole case of beer for Kelley, probably always keeping her bar stocked with beer just in case Kelley decides to surprise her at any point of the year, and a bottle of wine. She hands Kelley, who is cheering for beer at this point, her drink and then sits by me handing me the bottle of wine we’re going to share throughout the rest of the night.

Kelley’s being her same party animal self, and let’s be honest when is she not? You can’t help but love her for always being on top of her game. I’m just sitting on the couch, trying to feel as relaxed as this bottle of wine will allow me to be. We’re singing along to Kelley’s playlist that’s playing throughout the patio. We belt out a song from the 90s that kids today would never know, but then again I can’t seem to remember the name of the song but we kill the chorus every time. Kelley starts telling a story from her years at Stanford that I’m sure I’ve heard a billion times by now. But I still listen to her anyway because she has pure joy all over her face telling it. I take a good gulp of wine before leaning back on Y/N to hand her the bottle. Next thing I know the song changes to an old Taylor Swift song that I snuck onto Kelley’s playlist as a joke. Feeling the music, and quite bold in all honesty, I stand up and turn to Y/N after setting the wine bottle down on the table. “Do you wanna dance?” I manage to ask in my drunken state while holding my hand out to her. Y/N laughs out loud as she takes my hand, pulling me close as we start to sway side to side still singing the song.

I know I said this before, but Y/N’s eyes are a thing of beauty. They were that entrancing green-blue earlier in the night, but now they’re a cool gray. Almost like a light smoke. Her smile and laugh could cure all the sadness in the world, no joke. She’s gorgeous, and she doesn’t even know it. She likes to be out of the spotlight, out of everyone’s view. But let me tell you this, that’s not the case tonight. She’s all I’ve spent my attention on since we left the house earlier. While I’m taking a closer look at the tattoos on her collar bones, I catch Kelley in the corner of my eye. When I look at her, I start laughing as she’s swaying side to side with Luna, wrapped in her arms, to the music. Y/N realizes what I’m focused on and laughs as she gets on to Kelley. We’re still standing close together, arms around each other but we aren’t moving anymore. Y/N pulls away first, as smooth as a drunk person can. But as she lets go I can’t help but notice my body aches for her touch.

Kelley comes back after what seems like forever, in different clothes that definitely don’t fit her. So that would make them Y/N’s clothes, given that we’re at her house and she’s taller than both of us. Y/N just laughs as Kelley does a small turn showing off her outfit before going back to drinking her beer. The night goes on the same, more of party animal Kel, me finding relaxation I’ve never known or allowed myself to have before, and Y/N finally looks content with us being around her. She might as well get used to it, after tonight I’ll be here drinking with her often for sure. Honestly, Kelley was right, Y/N is great. It’s ridiculous that we weren’t friends before tonight, especially since she’s been with the National Team since the 2015 World Cup.

After a few more drinks, Y/N finally says we should go to bed considering Kelley had a flight tomorrow and Ali would kill us if we kept Y/N up all night. Kel and I let out a laugh at the mention of Ali and Ash because we all know they’re Y/N’s moms. She has to drag us back inside like she’s had to do all night. She drops us both down on her couch leaving us to grab something from the kitchen. “Isn’t she the greatest?” Kelley slurs as I start giggling at her. “Yeah, she really is. You were right, for once,” I say back. “See, both of my best friends can be friends! I’m so happy right now, Al,” Kelley says with the biggest grin on her face. We can’t stop giggling at my last statement because we both know I’m not wrong. The giggles fill the house as Y/N walks back in the room.

She tells us our sleeping options before saying goodnight and heading upstairs to her room. Kel and I stay up watching an episode of The Handmaid’s Tale and playing with Luna. Kelley keeps posting pictures of Luna on her Instagram story, and I laugh at the voice she uses while talking to the dog. She finally passes out after saying ‘she doesn’t need sleep’. I make sure her alarm is set because I know Christen would be pissed off at me if Kelley was late. After that, I realize I don’t have any clothes to sleep in. I start walking up the stairs, more like stumbling, praying that Y/N is still awake. I knock on her door and she opens it almost immediately, her hair still wet from the shower she obviously just took.

“Coould I borrow some clothess?” I manage to get out through all of my giggles and smiling. I was giggling at her confused expression because, to be honest, it was hot as fuck. She laughed before nodding her head. Evidently, I wasn’t walking too good, because she had to help me to her bed. She gave me a small smirk before she started looking through her clothes. I swear that smirk added 30 years to my life. “Here you go. You can change in the bathroom,” Y/N said as she handed me the clothes and helped me to the bathroom. After she closed the door, I couldn’t stop smiling and I didn’t know why. Had I missed something about Y/N this whole time? Am I that clueless?

I get changed quickly and walk out of the bathroom. She’s sitting on her bed looking at her phone. I guess she realized I was standing there staring at her, yet again. Because she glanced up at me, and my heart just drops at the sight of her, now, blue eyes. Like who’s eyes change color that much? Like she’s gone through every shade of blue and green tonight alone and I swear I’m gonna need a warning before they change color again or I’m not going to make it through the day. I thank her and tell her goodnight again before heading back downstairs, trying to keep from embarrassing myself any more than I already have. When I get downstairs, Kelley is taking up the whole air mattress with Luna cuddling her legs. I sigh and set my things down with my purse and shoes. I stood there weighing my options.

When I finally make my choice, all I do is hope it was the right decision. I make my way back upstairs quietly, hoping not to wake up Kelley. I stand staring at her door for what feels like years before deciding to knock. Before I can the door opens, and all I can do is smile at the beautiful human being in front of me. She gives me a soft smile, and that only builds my confidence more to ask my question.

“Can I sleep with you?”

To Be Continued

#alex morgan #alex morgan imagines #alex morgan x reader #alex morgan imagine #kelley o’hara #uswnt #uswnt imagines #nwsl #woso #woso imagine #You’re the One My Heart Wants

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yyxgin · 3 years

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Hi, just letting you know that i'm steadily falling hard and fast for Bang Chan and i hate it. Why is he so cute, it should be illegal. But i cant really call myself a Stay just yet cuz i still dont know much about the other members and I dont wanna become a solo stan 😣. I will be one soon i promise 😤

Also, i want you to feel confident today sooo...

Tell me 10 things you like about yourself along with why 😘

Just remember that you are gorgeous. Period. No but's. And i'm sending you ghostie hugs with every asks, you cant feel it but it's there -twinkles

smdksksl it's okay i think like 90% of stans start paying attention to a group bc of a certain member at first sjsksk i literally fell for felix and then it went downhill with me and now i'm obsessed with all 8 of them. anyways you have two devoted stay friends so there's no way you're not becoming one over time as well 😎

and you are so sweet 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 just know its really hard for me to write 10 things so i dont know how that will go aaaah

i like how open-minded i am and how i tend to look at things from every perspective and try to understand everyone's point of view and their emotions in an argument

i like how reliable i am haha. you can always count on me to keep my promises, deadlines for things (i am even really early at times,,like these christmas events for example), whatever you ask from me you know you can always count on me haha. like the only thing this doesn't apply to is that i am late most of the times to meetings 🤠

i like that i am quite spontanious ?? idk i just don't like my life to be boring djdjsjks

i like that i am an artsy person. because i can really convey what i'm feeling and always get my hurt/pain out wheter it is in the form of a writing, drawing, painting... i even used to write songs on guitar when i was younger fjsksk

i like my hair 🙂 this is just a shameless plug of me dying my hair cherry like two days ago and i love it sjsjka also i went full on egril yesterday w my outfit are you proud of me ?? 🥺🥺

ummm what else this is really hard 😡😡 i guess i like the fact that i can be funny at times ?? umm i don't mean to sound egoistic lmao but people have told me before and just like seeing people laughing with me really makes me happy🥺 i still don't feel like a whole ass comedian but you know its nice to feel funny vskskks

i am getting really stuck rn you are making me self-reflect really hard🤠🤠 i guess i like the fact that i tend to get good grades for some reason. like grades don't mean shit. they don't prove anything. idk. i just like the feeling of satisfaction of getting an A after studying for several hours. i don't like to study tho. i am spiraling here. wtf moving on- but i like that i learn pretty quickly ?? unless it's german i've been studying german for 6 years and i know nothing so-

for the most time i just like what i have in my head. apart from the depressive thoughts and anxiety,,i like it there zjsjsk. like my mind ?? am i kind of stupid but also really smart at the same time ?? yeah !! i tend to daydream a lot and just like the fact that i have a fantasy that big that i can literally think of a whole ass alternative reality and escape there ?? that's great if you ask me 😼 i also like the way i think sometimes,,i wouldn't say it's out of the box but i also can't really explain it in any other way so yeah

i like that i tend to know how to distract myself when i feel anxious. like yeah i panic for a moment but lately i've been really got at managing my anxiety after a while to calm myself down 😎

i like that i am not reckless with money. it's not like we're poor,,but we don't really have money to throw out for useless things so i am pretty good with my money. i don't buy anything i really really want if i know it's not worth that much and i am really good at saving money for a long time.

once this anon thing is all over i am making you do this as well because i literally spent 20 minutes on this and i am not even joking 😗✌

also thanks for the hugs i feel every single one of them so pls never stop sending them

#twinkles 💫#💌ask

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notribs · 4 years

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hello hello ! it is may again and i... am still 20, using she/her, and in the eastern standard timezone. i can’t say that’s changed in the amount of time between intros. anyway, i do want to say that i like this gif because i feel like it.............. is an accurate representation of ribs at........... almost all times.

‹ TREVANTE RHODES, HE/HIM, CIS MAN, BISEXUAL. › DAVID “RIBS” SHAFFER is the TWENTY-EIGHT year old from EMERYVILLE, CA. when a friend asked them what they thought of the manor they said, ❝ IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEWHERE JAMIE LEE WOULD BE LURED INTO. ❞ they claim ANY HORROR MOVIE WITH JAMIE LEE CURTIS IN IT is their favorite scary movie, and if they were to die in a horror film they would EXPLAIN TO THE KILLER THAT THERE WAS NO WAY HE MET THE CRITERIA FOR THE ‘FINAL GIRL’… JUST TO BE KILLED IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS SPEECH. their fears include HALLUCINATING, PARALYZATION and FIREWORKS, and they don’t know we know, but… HE MADE MONEY AS A DEALER WHILE HE WAS STILL WAITING FOR THE BAND TO TAKE OFF. hope they enjoy their stay. ‹ MUSE B from STRESSED OUT. ›

QUICK FACTS:

full name: david “ribs” isaiah shaffer

date of birth: december 1, 1992

*does not perfectly reflect the below Big Three zodiac chart because that’s so much math

zodiac big three: sagittarius sun, capricorn moon, pisces rising

gender & pronouns: cis man & he/him

sexual orientation: bisexual

occupation: drummer + backup songwriter + history of drug dealing

the song i listen to on repeat while i write the intro: “make or break” - bugzy malone

BACKGROUND INFO:

triggers: violence, mentions of drug dealing, very very very brief mention of self-harm (not the product of a mental illness which is why i forgot to include this until i looked at it again this morning - the product of wanting to keep a lie), very very brief mention of guns and fire in the ‘fears’ section

born to a very loving family bc i need a sunnier background hasfkljwas

david was never EVER academically inclined. he’ll tell you it’s because he just wasn’t interested and was too involved in music and boxing, both of which will be gone over soon, but that wasn’t entirely true. he was also very busy working odd jobs days and nights as a kid and days and nights at successful businesses when he was 16+ (see: papa john’s)

his parents did own a music shop! they were clearly doing their part! but, in the digital era and the era of guitar center, they were only getting so much traction. they were also much too calm about it, at least outwardly, so david felt as though he needed to help.

but it is true that he spent a lot of time practicing music and boxing! as just mentioned, his parents owned a music store and were both very musically inclined. they taught him how to be, at the very least, INTERMEDIATE at as many instruments as possible. he can now confidently say that, if the band ever needed it, he could play the guitar, piano, bass, or saxophone.

that being said, his instrument of choice was the drums. he began using jazz drummers, as well as various hip-hop beats, as his inspiration. his original inspirations were buddy rich, gene krupa, chico hamilton, art blakey, and the beats of grime and 90s rap.

it shows.

when he ventured into other genres, however, he began taking inspiration from nick mason, john bonham, neil peart, keith moon, ginger baker, karen carpenter, and ringo starr

(i have a music theory + history lesson for you if you think ringo is a bad drummer ok - he was a “songwriter’s drummer,” which is much more important to being a drummer in a band than being technically skilled or being able to show off with complex patterns and, thus, overshadowing the song. that’s why the beatles continued asking ringo to play the drums on their songs, even after they broke up. john lennon never said “he’s not even the best drummer in the beatles” - a radio dj made that joke and people started taking it literally. love that.)

(also the same goes for nick mason but his drumming is rly only brought up when he’s brought up since pink floyd isn’t as talked about as the beatles)

ALSO!!! i have decided to be passionate about karen carpenter because girl won a 1975 poll that pit her against john bonham for best drummer and he got so mad and said she couldn’t last ten minutes with led zeppelin. the following is just alleged, but oh my god i hope it’s true: then she proceeded to compliment his drumming, say that she thinks it’s all very subjective, then got behind her set and played “babe i’m gonna leave you” while singing and not missing a single note. we have decided to stan forever.

he also took up boxing. as a kid, he was just practicing and taking any excess frustration out. when he turned 14, however, he found an opportunity in an underground circuit. he started fighting against other people, for real, and would be paid if he won the fight.

so: school from 8a-3p, drum practice from 3:30p-7:30p (i know), family from 8p-10p, boxing from 11p-2a.

his parents knew he boxed, but didn’t know it was as dangerous as it was. they assumed there were more safeguards in place..... but boy was bringing in a LOT of money for there to be a lot of safeguards in place. because of this, david NEVER let them see his matches.

when he was 16, he’d broken his ribs during one of the fights and refused to see a doctor over it. what did he say happened when his parents could TELL something was wrong? he said that he’d been mugged and beaten up. to support this theory, before he ‘showed’ it to them, he dug into himself with a knife to make it look like the muggers had a switchblade.

from there on out, he made everyone call him “ribs”

did his parents ever wonder where his excess income was coming from? DEFINITELY. he told them that, yes, his MINIATURE matches did bring in some money, but the rest of the money came from tips!! because people are clearly that generous!!

he also never showed them the full amount. he’d only give what was necessary, not out of selfishness, rather to keep his secret and save them from worrying about him. he put it in a savings account.

it should also be addressed that, during this time, he became friends with who would become the guitarist in his future band, joakim. he witnessed joakim fight a homophobic teenager and desperately wanted to join in... but his ribs were broken ahflskd

he continued boxing, even after being introduced to joakim’s college friend, gabe - the future singer of their band. that being said, they began jamming with each other and played in a few local circuits.

his parents were very encouraging of this and told him that he should go for this as a career opportunity.

can you tell they were idealists?

he wanted to... but it was very impractical. by now, however, he was out of school (and he never went to college). his parents let him continue living with them since they were under the belief they were short on cash and it’d be difficult for him to find an affordable apartment under the papa john’s salary.

he decided to take his parents up on this... but, while he was waiting for his band to find success, their music store was closed down. as they both began looking desperately for new jobs, he realized that papa john’s and the fighting payment wasn’t quite enough anymore... so he started selling drugs.

he doesn’t keep his fighting a secret anymore, but he does keep his drug dealing a secret. he fears that it’ll perpetuate stereotypes.

during one of his band’s gigs, he and the others met their future bassist - the missing piece - rory. she was marginally younger than they were, but she was an extremely talented bassist and songwriter, so the lineup was finally complete and devil’s wine was formed.

when they began skyrocketing, he quit drug dealing. he also stopped the dangerous boxing, although he continues to... box safely. he began sending money back home after they really started succeeding. his mother got a teacher licensure in music and his father got the opportunity to own..... a guitar center.

if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

VERY IMPORTANT: uses a pearl custom kit, istanbul cymbals, aquarian heads, and vic firth sticks.

that was very important.

PERSONALITY INFO:

literally obsessed with jamie lee curtis. watching her movies has also made him very genre-savvy.

would genuinely die for her.

is the epitome of bob belcher’s “oh my god.” in his band. they get off topic during practice/recording just ONCE?? queue “oh my god.” and the gif above.

isn’t necessarily ashamed of his past dealings (literally) - like, joakim knows - but is genuinely afraid of perpetuating the stereotype of the dirty black boy. he’s open about the rest of his life, but he’s convinced that if people learn he used to sell drugs, he would be setting people back. having a black drummer in a rock band that’s on the radio? he needs to keep up appearances!!

never wears shirts during concerts. has to show off his ribs and also drumming, with a bunch of lights directly on him, is an extreme exercise and guaranteed sweat machine. dresses like bugzy malone otherwise.

ahflskjd again,,, like adrian,,, look @ his chart ig alhkfjd

FEARS:

hallucinating: he hates not only the idea of losing his mind, but also the idea of having a skewed view of reality after he really... saw reality, you know? his uncle had schizophrenia and, while he rarely saw him, the thought of going through what his uncle had/has to go through terrifies him.

paralyzation: this was a constant worry of his during his boxing matches - he was terrified someone would wind up taking out a firearm and would shoot him into a state of paralysis. not to mention, all limbs are required for both drumming and boxing.... so.

fireworks: less deep than the others. the house next door to his was set on fire due to a firework display being too close. while no one died and most of the house was salvaged, the idea of losing anything he has is terrifying to him. also the sounds they make remind him of guns so?

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

ok,,, so unlike adrian,,, he lived in california,,, a state many other characters lived in. while some cities in california can be like,,,, seven hours away,,, IT’S STILL AN IMPROVEMENT, so i’ll list a few past connection ideas too!

fans

people who hate his music

people who’ve seen one of his matches

old friends

someone who was constantly in his parents’ music store

exes

fwb

ons

???? im bad at connections!!!!!! but im down for brainstorming and/or working off of urs!!!!!!

#manor:talk #will be updated when more is figured out w his subplot ofc!!

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willow-salix · 4 years

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Tiny full chapter 6 for today as I don't have time to edit the 11K monster that is chapter 7, which I'll pop up tomorrow. So, for now, enjoy a little John time.

He'd been back in 'Five for a little over a week and not had a chance to visit the witch after their second date. Honestly, he was a little scared of it, truth be told.

He was confused, he was anxious and he was so far out of his depth he couldn't even see the bottom, let alone touch it.

He couldn't trust himself in this, couldn't trust the thoughts in his own head. He trusted her when she said that she was in it for the long haul, he was too, but he was plagued with an uneasy feeling that he couldn't shake. He hated not knowing something, hated his lack of experience in a relationship such as this. This was different to anything he had ever known before and that made him more anxious than ever. He didn't want to screw it up because he was uncertain about his feelings or scare her off by being too much, too fast.

He had to do something about it, had to approach this logically and in his usual way, keeping himself on familiar ground.

Taking himself out of range of the eagle eyed lens of EOS he settled himself on his bunk and got down to some serious research.

***

Two hours and many deep dives into the Internet later and John lay there, stunned but very much relieved.

His research had led him from one site to another starting with the purely scientific.

It takes 4 minutes for your brain to fall in like and 90 minutes to fall in love.

Your brain is focused on survival, and reproduction is the pinnacle of survival, he had read. You have a specific idea of what it takes to meet your needs based on past experiences, good or bad. That had sounded right.

Social isolation was a threat during caveman days, and your “mammal brain” is operating under the cards evolution has dealt it. As such, a release of oxytocin helps bond you to a potential romantic partner. He hadn't been looking for anyone, hadn't felt like he even needed someone, but he couldn't deny that his self imposed social isolation could sometimes be a negative.

Technically, with all the chemicals swirling around in your body, you can fall in love with someone in under an hour, it just takes longer for your brain to catch up. It's not silly romance novel stuff, it's science. Who could argue with science? Not he.

As you two get to know each other, dopamine is surging, and the anticipation that you can land them can give you the kick you need to start to emotionally invest.

If you feel your heart rate increase, if you feel yourself missing them when they aren't there, feel excited to see them again and when you aren't together they occupy your thoughts, that all points to love.

Past surveys show that men wait just 88 days to say those three little words to their partner for the first time, and 39 percent say them within the first month. Women, on the other hand, take an average 134 days.

And even if your S.O. hasn't verbalized those feelings, they may still be thinking them. One study found that men, in particular, considered fessing up to their love six weeks before women did.

Forging an emotional connection can be harder, it takes time, endless conversations, an interest in your partner and a desire to get to know everything about them. They should fascinate you.

These brain chemicals are designed to motivate you to take action to seek an unmet need. Once that need is met, those chemicals are no longer stimulated. In other words, your brain effectively says,“You found the one. Now what?

Now what indeed? He kept scrolling.

The answer, enjoy. You got lucky, you found someone that you like and hopefully likes you in return.

Love and relationships are about partnership. You find the person that compliments you, that understands you and is willing to give you all the time, support and love that you need to be whole with them.

Expectations have no place in a relationship, worries should have no place their either. Holding back a part of yourself from fear or the belief that they wish for you to be someone you aren't is a recipe for disaster. Be true, be honest, be yourself, let them love you for you and let nature take care of the rest.

He put down his tablet and stared at the ceiling of his craft. He was normal. He did have the same feelings, desires and emotions as everyone else, he'd just needed to wait for the right person.

Selene made him feel good, she made him feel comfortable and understood. She supported him in his work, she took an interest in him and she never got angry with him for the things about himself that he couldn't change.

For someone that spoke to people all day, every day, he actually dreaded casual conversations, hated how he was expected to participate when he had nothing to say and no desire to be involved. Yet with her it was different, he found himself making the first move, sending the first text or placing the call. He didn't dread long conversations, he wasn't constantly trying to find an excuse to get off the phone, he was always surprised when he found that an hour had passed when it had felt like five minutes.

He knew his feelings were genuine, knew that he has fought against acknowledging them, but now he found that he was happy. More than happy.

He wouldn't say anything about it to her, he wasn't that brave and honestly, he wanted more time to process, to bask in the warmth of the secret knowledge that he had a woman he adored.

Anxiety would likely be an ever present partner in his head, but with her it dulled, allowing him to simply enjoy. He wasn't stupid enough to think that it would be plain sailing for them, to think they wouldn't have arguments or that his insecurities wouldn't become an issue at some point, but he was confident enough to know that whatever happened, they would work it out.

"I'm in love," he whispered, as if saying the words too loudly would jinx them. And he smiled.

See the rest on Ao3

#john tracy #thunderbirds fanfiction #thunderbirds 2015 #thunderbirds are go #fanfic #fandom #fan fic stuff #fan fiction #fan fic writing #fan fic update

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koolkvat-blog · 5 years

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hello loves , what’s up ! i’m super excited to be here & to finally play my precious girl , jade aka kool kat . i’m LOLA , use she / her prounouns , i am NINETEEN , & i am currently in the gmt + 1 timezone which means yes , my ass should’ve been awake for intro posting but i don’t know what time management is and ended up swamped w/ work , so ! everything you need to know about about miss kat is under the cut , & i’m rlly thrilled to be apart of such a wonderful rp with such gorgeous muses . corniness over –– if you’re looking to plot sumn out , just hit that ♥︎ & i’ll make my way on over to ur dms , or feel free to add me up on discord which i’ll give in im’s if anybody’s interested ! ♡♡♡ tw : family issues , body image issues & drug mention ( not explicit ) .

001 . SYNOPSIS . FULL NAME . jade kikuchi . NICKNAMES . kool kat . AGE . twenty - one . DATE OF BIRTH . twenty - seventh of september , 1993 / libra . PLACE OF BIRTH . harajuku , tokyo , japan . GENDER . cisgender female . SEXUALITY . ( closeted ) pansexual . NATIONALITY . japanese , now american too after successfully gaining citizenship . ETHNICITY . asian . OCCUPATION . fashion designer at katz designz , former fashion design and journalist student back in her original timeline . PLAYLIST . here ! ( + ) charismatic , enthusiastic , warm , energetic , adventurous , compassionate , animated . ( - ) deceptive , independent , emotional , territorial , ambitious , impulsive , temperamental , insecure , sarcastic .

002 . AESTHETIC . wheatgrass smoothies , 90′s anime with subtitles , chanel no. 5, speeding on a desert road with the windows down , painting your toenails on the dashboard , neon prints , cat lazing on a balcony in the sun , black lace , japanese horror films , sour cocktails with sugar around the rim , half - smoked cigarettes , stacks of fashion magazines , long hair hastily dyed different colours in a motel bathroom , thrift stores .

003. INFORMATION .

tl;dr : a flighty, inattentive adventurer: a follower of whims; personable and sociable but lacks the skills to maintain relationships because she’s entirely (and perhaps too) career focused, checks her horoscope daily and entirely relies on the stars when concerning relationships, epitome of a britney spears / gwen stefani stan back in the 2000′s, still owns a (bedazzled) flip phone, collector of vintage fashion (chanel, elle, juicy couture etc.) a subscriber to the Leonardo Da Vinci sleeping method; catch her at 2 am making soufflés or buying plane tickets to shiwei so she can really experience the culture: will tell you she loves you ten minutes after first introduction because she’s high: kind of unintentionally insensitive to those she doesn’t know and closed off but in like a cool, lovable way.

• heads up im running on like 5 hrs sleep so sry when this inevitably derails ! ok sweet let’s get into this .

• so as aforementioned this is jade kukichi, aka, kool kat. she was dubbed that by her friends due to her unique fashion style and sense of dress, and it’s stuck. lbr nobody other than her friends can use that term so if you do, she’s just going to stare at u for a quick sec before saying ‘it’s jade’.

• born in harajuku, tokyo to a cardiothoracic surgeon of a father and a politician of a mother, jade grew up traveling the world and becoming flighty af, never thinking she was going to make long - term friends and kinda being okay with that.

• her family has never stayed in one place for very long, though her aging parents eventually settled into a permanent residence in the us around the time she turned sixteen, not soon enough for jade to break the habit of wandering, but thankfully quick enough for her to meet the bratz girls who were just as adventurous and fun - loving as she. she's spent much of her teen life jumping from place to place wherever her interests are that moment, collecting people along the way, but to find friends was the only thing she was missing. jade has a brilliant mind, but she lacks patience and follow through. she needs guidance or she'll jump from idea to idea, job to job, whim to whim.

• ngl, jade pretty much hated her home life. her parents were an overbearing presence in her life, her mother wanting jade to be a proper lady who also went into a profession like theirs (entirely serious and stifling when it came to creativity, doctor, politician, lawyer etc.) while jade herself wanted to check out the latest trends and go to the mall w her friends – so she turned all of her focus and energy into getting good grades in everything she wanted to do in the hopes that she could be the most successful fashion designer, then leaving town forever.

• like she spent 7 yrs in high school graduating w honours but she barely knew what was happening in 9/10 of her classes and sometimes she just slept through classes and then wing her exams which she miraculously did well at. it was just not a good idea to send jade to a public school at 11 after being in boarding school for the rest of her life and then never really enforce any rules :~\ she has trouble with that kind of thing.. as in making logical choices instead of saying "YEAH lets go watch american psycho and smoke weed!" skipping chemistry to do just that

• she loves fun and values doing what makes her happy over most things. it's hard to pin her down and she spends most of her life chasing after ideas that don't really follow any sort of conscious order, bc she’s really got that ‘i’ve got dreams and i’m gonna do everything in my power to achieve them’ personality.

• according to bratz canon she’s worked as literally everything ? she’s one of those insufferable people who r just. good everything ig and that’s just how it is on this bitch of an earth. jade’s been a photographer, a song - writer and bass player in a rock band (shout out to bratz rock angelz the best movie w the best soundtrack ever), a student studying fashion design, a fashion columnist, a quickly fired nanny, and many other things in between.

• so when she appears in toonsville she’s kind of out of it that she’s not doing something w her skills and sets up her own business which she loves ? being her own boss suits her fine (for now) because she’s got a Real Job and she's actually trying rly hard so she can fulfill her dreams !! like suck it mom nd dad haha !!!

• jade has a lot of weird feelings TM about her body and her looks and struggles a lot with her self confidence :~( she had a shit time at school with boys saying she was too thin and she compensated by acting like she didn't like anyone at all for a while and now she thinks she isn't good enough for anyone when rly she is a cinnamon bun too good for this world too pure

• best friend ever she is so good at being a friend if u text her at 3am to go out or cry on her shoulder shes ready to go at 3:15 even if she was sleeping w lots of snacks and treats and love!!! she is sooo extroverted around those she’s comfortable w, she gains so much energy from being around people and she loves being nice and being around ppl she likes

• she becomes the mom of groups pretty easily (hence why she’s the leader of the bratz) bc she bottles up most of her own problems to help ppl with theirs!! which is toxic yea but she puts people first always so !! plz help her poor repressed soul!! rip kool kat..

• still super into the stuff of her time so like.. she loves the x files and bad reality tv shows (i want to be a hilton) and reads gossip magazines on the reg because she enjoys that stuff! also very into girl groups.. ginger spice / posh spice is an eternal mood.

• anyway yes sweet adult-child of 21 (she is in denial about that tho like she doesn't want to be childish) who is v nice v kind v loyal v baked a lot of time, v passionate v silly. idk what i'm doin hope u like it < 3

004. WANTED CONNECTIONS .

friends / best friends / ride or dies . jade genuinely loves people, loves talking to strangers and getting into intense conversations with people she’s only just met, learning other people’s way of life and bettering herself for getting. she is, however, incredibly blunt and has never once minced words to keep from hurting someone’s feelings or to ease them into a situation. she’d much rather have a one-time conversation with a stranger than make long lasting relationships. she has three very close friends – to the point of co - dependence – and honestly, she’d rather spend all of her time doing things she loves such as her hobbies, sticking her nose into the latest vogue, or searching for cute collars and treats for her cat mica w them instead of making new friends. she's also FUN and she'd be happy to go on crazy road trips or buy out a movie theater for a day or anything that she thinks will her buds happy. she's traveled all over, so she’s v well read and cultured. she loves people but she hates complication and won't deal with any sort of emotional labor. she wants to live in the moment and expects everyone in her life to do so as well. just be chill, y'all.

frenemies / enemies / rivals . please be her enemy, she needs people to antagonize shdhshd. she grew up pretty much affluent so she’s pretty spoiled even if she doesn’t want to admit it, and that rebellious side of her hasn’t died down yet. despite the fact that she is wealthy and in good community standing, she has a hard time letting go of childish grudges. in general she’s got a lot of suppressed feelings and ready to fight everyone who hurts her friends – like an irritated cat – so, honestly, come at her ? she is sometimes a little fickle and flighty and a unintentionally stuck up when it comes to art / fashion and she has definitely said the wrong thing at the wrong time and pissed the wrong people off, she can’t stand anyone underestimating her or thinking she’s dumb bc she’s interested in fashion. like gtfo !

ex’s , fwb’s , possible love interests . jade is fairly fluid romantically and is the type of person who hates labels but also just wants to be cherished and called cute pet names lowkey. she loves a lot and gives a lot to her relationships, but typically doesn't want to commit to anything important. she’s gone from one disastrous relationship to another, ending up with a boyfriend who constantly ridiculed her image that was essentially the catalyst for her cutting off romantic ties, quite a recent wound before she found herself on the island actually. worst thing is tht she’s convinced herself that she’s been the problem in these relationships – that she turns good people bad or that she is too much for people to deal with, she’s not sure what the issue is and she doesn’t really want to know. so…. fuck everything amirite ? anyway, she’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no (wo)man.

etc . pls give me people jade can give a makeover to, people she shares an apartment w on the island, people who think fashion is girly and vapid.. creatives who love what she’s doing, anything tbh << 3

#cartoons:intro #ngl making jade's playlist was the best part about this

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beccasarahmayxo-blog · 5 years

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A heart full of love (Brian x Me)

My writing skills are “rusty” pls no judge

“Love, can I come in?” He whispered into the oaken frame.

“Please my angel” I said loud enough for him to hear.

He pressed the door handle and pushed gently, he still took my breath away every time he walked into a room. Age had not taken away his kind eyes and hair that was not unlike a poodle. Except now it looked more like Britain’s overcast skies rather than a dark and stormy night. His eyes roamed my body like we were young again, intense and wanting. In that moment I remembered the girl I was and the man he was yet to become. All those years ago.

“Are you ready my love?” He said with a half smile, brushing a strand of my mahogany hair behind my ear. The diamond earrings moved just a bit and sparkled in the white light of the dressing room. He took it into his large hand, smiling as he did so.

“ I remember when I brought you these” he said with the same half smile, bittersweet memories.

“So do I, as I remember we had just had a fight, you were working too much and I was lonely and friendless” I said smiling as I closed my eyes and pictures that day many moons ago.

He laughed “ As I remember you threw them at me”

“ I was a little wild back then my love, all anger and hormones” I said eyes still closed, deep in memories from long ago

“Weren’t we all my little dove” he said as he pressed his lips to my forehead.

He entwined his hand into mine, placing our entwined hands on his heart.

“All these years; and you still make my heart flutter”

“Stop being wet Brian” I slapped his arm playfully with my free hand.

“Fine, but I do love you, you know this right?” He said sternly.

“ you only tell me a million times a day my love” I smiled looking in his warm hazel eyes.

He lead me out of the room, into along corridor, stars names were written all over them. The ones who were starring in this movie, and the ones who lived through the real times. We stopped outside Rogers dressing room, I squeezed Brian’s hand supportively. I knew today would be hard for him, it was hard for us all.

I banged on the door loudly

“Roger come out you old fart, we’re waiting for you”

“ I’ll just be a minute, your best friend is keeping me rather occupied”

I laughed “Nicole send him out or I’m coming in” I said, Brian chuckling, almost embarrassed.

“Just because you two haven’t had sex since the 90’s” Roger shouted.

“I swear to god Roger, you have 10 minutes. We have a red carpet to walk, Pomp and ceremony remember” Brian exclaimed loudly.

I laughed as I pulled Brian’s hand away, from the door handle.

“Let them have their fun my love, Roger still lives in the 70’s, he’ll be brought back to reality when he dislocates his hip”

Brian chuckled at me and shook his head, he knew that Roger would be able to hear me from how loud I was talking and as we were walking away I could hear a faint “Fuck off Becca, you nun”

A smile grew on my face, if only he knew.

We walked out of the building and climbed into a limo. Roger and Nicole joined us a good five minutes late, as usual. With Deaky and Veronica joining us shortly after that, it was lovely to see them. Privacy had suited them well but my man couldn’t stay away from the stage and I cherished that about him.

Nicole had aged well, her long blonde hair not hinting of grey at all, her slim figure hardly hinting at the fact she had bore Roger two beautiful children. We soon arrived at the venue that would be hosting the premiere night of Bohemian Rhapsody a Freddie Mercury and by extension Queen biopic.

Brian exited the car first, swiftly followed by myself and Nicole. Roger coming out next and Deaky and Veronica followed suit. I could tell Deaky was uncomfortable but he owed this to Freddie and the bands legacy and I loved him for breaking his self imposed isolation to be with us tonight.

The camera flashes were almost blinding but I played the dutiful wife and stood back adoringly with my best friend as our respective husbands did their work, smiling and taking photos signing autograph after autograph.

We eventually made it inside and the doors were closed behind us, the noise fading to a slight mumble and the odd small flash of light making it though the cracks in the door.

Before the film started Brian and Roger had decided to make a speech, we the ever dutiful wives stood with them every step of the way. Brian became too choked up to talk and Roger couldn’t get his words out.

“Baby, I’ll finish this, don’t worry. I’ve got you my love” I whispered to him before stepping up to the microphone

“Thank you all for being here tonight, as you can all appreciate this is a incredibly hard night for us all, seeing our lives on the big screen, seeing Freddie brought to life by the lovely Rami Malek. My husband brought to life by the radiant Gwilym whom managed to capture his beautiful heart. And to the other cast members who without you this film would not have been possible. We thank you and we thank Freddie for inspiring us to live our life and honour him tonight. Thank you and good night.”

We left the stage then, Brian’s hand twisted into mine, his thumb running small circles on the back on my hand. He could see the tears welling up in my ocean blue eyes. Taking our seats at the front of the theatre then opening credits began to roll. A single tear rolled down my cheek as the opening scene began to play.

“ I still can’t believe he’s gone”

Brian smiled and wiped away my tear with his index finger.

“ I know my love, I know. “

I drifted off into a daze remembering times gone by.

Flashback *1986- Live Aid*

I stood in the wings of the huge live aid stage, lights and the sound of pure and unadulterated joy radiated from the crowd, for 20 minutes they had thrashed around to the anthems of Queen their hearts alive and beating.

I rubbed my belly silently , I was about 8 months pregnant at the time and my back was aching like a bitch.

Brian waved good bye to the crowd and ran off stage carrying his guitar along with him. I smiled as he walked up to me and kissed my forehead,.

“And how’s my beautiful girls today,?” He asked confidently

I smiled , shaking my head

“We don’t even know if I’m having a girl my love, we decided to have the gender be a secret”

“Of course my love, but I still wager 100 quid that you’re having a little girl”

“Whatever you say Brian.John, Roger and Freddie all think it’s a little boy” I said rolling my eyes, I felt like I was carrying a little boy inside of me but obviously Brian’s insisting that I was having a girl but doubt in my brain.

We walked as briskly as I could manage back to the silver airstream trailer we shared whenever I accompanied Brian to any kind of event. In years before Brian would get ready for shows in a large room with all the others and myself and the other wives and girlfriends would hang about on a sofa chatting away. However in recent years Brian and myself had grown to love our privacy, especially after we were married.

I slumped myself down on the large black leather sofa with a sigh, I had only been stood for half an hour but imagine carrying a watermelon for half an hour, after that long it would start to take strain on your back

We walked back to the trailer hand in hand, as we always did, Roger bringing Nicole swiftly behind him. Whilst Freddie went to catch up with Mary as he often did after a show.

“Did you enjoy that my love?” I asked him with my head still laid against the cold leather sofa.

“It was good, we really performed better than I expected after such a long break from playing together” he smiled at me looking confused as to why I was laying with my head turned away from him.

“Why aren’t you facing me little one?” He asked quietly.

“ I’m so tired Brian I just want this damn baby out of me already, it’s been 8 months and I don’t think I can do another 30 days” I whimpered, almost in tears.

He sighed and came and sat beside me, rubbing my thigh in a comforting manner.

“You can, you know you can because when we have our little baby none of this will matter because we will finally be a family” he said dreamily as if thinking of our new life together once our baby arrives.

“Easy for you to say, you’re not carrying the damn thing around with you twenty four seven” I muttered, still facing away from him.

He grabbed my arm gently and pulled me up, complying with a loud groan I was pulled into a sitting position awkwardly facing my husband.

“You can do this, and I know you’ll be the best mother in the world and as soon as you see our baby none of this pain or aching will matter” he said cupping the side of my face.

I couldn’t help but smile, his endless positivity made my heart beat just a little faster it really was all going to be okay. Just one more month.

I leaned up to kiss him gently, he cupped my face and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ears as he pulled away slightly resting his forehead on mine.

“Knock knock fuckers” Roger shouted from the other side of the air stream door.

“Fuck off Rog, I’m pregnant and very hormonal” I screeched, my head in my hands.

“Ooooo scary” Roger laughed before pushing open the door anyway pulling a sheepish looking Nicole behind him.

“I hate you so much sometimes, you know that don’t you” I moaned head still in my hands.

“I know and I relish in it my dear heart” Roger said as he walked over to me and patted my belly gently.

“How’s my godson today? Still kicking the living daylights out of you, he’s a born drummer I tell you now.” Roger beamed, he meant well but I just wasn’t in the mood for his antics right this second.

“ Roger it’s a girl, I promise you it’ll be a girl” Brian said confidently, he had always wanted a daughter someone to protect and love just as he loved me. I groaned, this had to be at least the fifth time I’d heard this argument today.

“To be honest with you guys, it could be a lizard and I’d just be happy for it to be out of me and not trying to roundhouse my ribs every five minutes” I moaned, chuckling a little at the thought of my baby throwing karate moves inside my womb.

“Soon my love, so soon” Brian cooed at my cupping my face.

“ Over 10 years and you ducks still make me want to throw up” Roger added faking a vomiting noise

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shemakesmusic-uk · 3 years

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This segment features artists who have submitted their tracks/videos to She Makes Music. If you would like to be featured here then please send an e-mail to [email protected]. We look forward to hearing from you!

Zoe Blaire

Zoe Blaire is a singer-songwriter, model and teen boss. The triple-threat just released her debut single ‘Days Like These’ produced by a Grammy Award Winner and inspired by the pandemic and the new darkness that it created: Love, loss, loneliness, depression and self-image. Besides her new music launch, the 14-year old has been busy shooting national commercials and running her own beauty line. She is definitely one to watch! Listen to ‘Days Like These’ below.

Joules Rio

Joules Rio is a singer-songwriter based on the beautiful coast of Florida at Cocoa Beach. Her eclectic style has been called "retro music from the future". She creates her unique sound on bass guitar, keyboards, and with a strong but sensual vocal style. Joules Rio’s limitless style is not bound to one genre or category. Each song tells its own story. Some are rocking hard, others are dancing and shimmering. Latest single ‘I Love My Body’, is “a trap/pop/rock hybrid about the joyous human experience!” Listen below.

Joules Rio · I LOVE MY BODY

CHAMIE

Brand new Los Angeles based CHAMIE, the collaboration of husband and wife team Jes Marie and Joe Sobalo Jr, are hot out of the studio with their single, ‘Attitude’. An electropop anthem featuring driving beats, funky synthesizers, and ultra confident female vocals, ‘Attitude’ is a fresh new sound on the dance/pop music scene. CHAMIE is versatile and can shift their vibe from everything from indie pop to tropical reggae with ease and confidence. Electronic beats, fuzz bass, and rhythmic guitars are the bedrock of their music, combining with unique, eclectic synths that provide the ‘ear candy’ CHAMIE is quickly becoming known for. Listen to ‘Attitude’ below.

Stephanie Heitz

Stephanie Heitz is a singer-songwriter from the Midwest US. She released her debut EP, Dark to Light in 2019 after traveling through a very difficult season. She's been consistently releasing singles ever since as an independent artist. Stephanie has an unmistakable R&B style. Her music tells the story of personal life experiences with lyrics that are vulnerable, raw, and relatable. She's been enjoying collaborating with musicians from around the globe, and has plans to release lots of new music in 2021. Stephanie's latest single, ‘Grace’ challenges the listener to ponder a very important question. Her greatest goal with songwriting is to encourage others to know they're not alone in their struggles. Listen below.

Jamythyst

Jamythyst is a new DIY ElectroPop artist. Her music is '90s-inspired pop infused with R&B, Freestyle, and House. She is the sole writer, producer, and performer — spending days and nights creating alone in her basement studio. She has been described as "Paula Abdul meets Nine Inch Nails”. Her new single ‘Melt My Face’ is an ode to '90s dance pop — and that feeling you get when the DJ plays a song that melts your face no matter what kinda mood you're in. Listen below.

Moodbay

Moodbay are an electro-pop duo that likes to explore various sonic landscapes from vintage disco grooves, lo-fi hip-hop textures to moody layers of analogue synth. They are vocalist-songwriter Anna Stephens and producer-songwriter Alfie Cattell. Latest single ‘Psycho’ is “a tug of war between two people,”explain the duo. “It's a love-hate situation, and each feels misunderstood by the other. The theme of good and evil is apparent throughout. Yet though actions are irreversible, there's always hope for change. Someone can turn those actions around by becoming a better version of themselves. And the last thing they want is to be called 'crazy' because that would be discouraging! As the lyric goes: ‘just call me by my name’... “This is a dreamy layered synth-pop track that doesn't mess about and is brimming with emotion. The delicate piano in the verses contrast well with the thick powerful choruses that soar with interweaving vocals and synth lines. The production is warm and full-bodied but never over-bearing. Listen below.

Moodbay · Psycho

Elizabeth Karly

Elizabeth Karly has been writing poetry since she was 15 years old. When she was young she would sing constantly and dream about putting on big concerts with crowds singing back to her. During the pandemic, she finally began to work on music. “I started out with no equipment at all; just my phone and a cheap pair of earbuds,” she says. “It took me months, but I finally completed my first song: ‘Your Party’! It was recorded in the back of my car, still just using a phone and earbuds. She continues: "’Your Party’ It is a fun, indie pop song about pressures felt when confronted by toxic people, and just the lies and secrecy within unhealthy relationships.” Listen below.

Jess McAllister

The music of Exeter-based Jess McAllister spans from free-spirited, nostalgic folk, through to rhythmic, gutsy blues, rock and pop. Switching effortlessly on stage between electric guitar, banjo and piano, she blends her honey-dipped vocals and her craft of songwriting with live performances filled with spontaneity, passion and pure heart. Her new single 'The Bushiest of Beards' is a fun revenge story, stemming from when a man with a beard bullied her for a prolonged period of her life, stripping her of all self esteem. It is a song for anyone who had been made to feel unworthy, and although the anti-bullying nature of the track is deadly serious though, the song uplifts with humour and joy. Listen below.

Jess McAllister · The Bushiest Of Beards - Explicit Version

Gabrielle Ornate

Gabrielle Ornate crafts bohemian pop/rock tracks for the modern world. Ethereal lyrics with an empowered edge meet walls of epic synthesisers, adorned with riffing guitar and bass, in a kaleidoscopic sound world. Think Imogen Heap and Bat For Lashes meet Kate Bush and Joni Mitchell. Gabrielle’s debut single, ‘The March of the Caterpillars’, mastered by John Davis at Metropolis Studios, is a fable about respecting one’s roots; blossoming the connection between worlds. As life continually evolves, like how a caterpillar transitions into a butterfly, one must not forget the genesis of their journey. Listen below.

Gabrielle Ornate · The March of the Caterpillars

Pretty Preachers Club

Pretty Preachers Club are a bedroom-pop-style emerging duo from Glasgow. Their debut EP Going Nowhere Fast was well received. Their second EP Romance and Adolescence is an experimental step up from their previous releases, a compilation of classical, indie pop, folk and 80s synth. The pair have previously stated in a number of interviews that their main influences are indie artists such as Pheobe Bridgers, Beabadoobee, LANY, Pale Waves, The 1975 and Sports Team. ‘Just Tell People How You Feel’ is their new single. Hannah says of the release: “The lyrics in this song are almost a dream-like scenario of ideal love. It’s a reminder to myself to try and not hold your feelings back, cause what’s the point? It’s almost a goal to myself to fully be able to relate to every lyric in this song... not quite there yet.” Listen below.

#submission saturday #zoe blaire #joules rio #chamie #stephanie heitz #jamythyst #moodbay #elizabeth karly #jess mcallister #gabrielle ornate #pretty preachers club

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evans-heaven · 7 years

Text

“Hey, legend,”~s.m.

Not What I Can’t Have part three, I knowww but y’all will get that soon, don’t worry! I gotta make it perfect first <3.

For now enjoy idkhowmanywords of fluff. Hope y’all enjoy :)

~~~~~~~~~~~

“What next?” I murmured, staring at the illuminated screen of my laptop, at the page half filled with pure mumbo-jumbo.

How about I put....no.

Oh! What about.....God no.

I slammed my laptop shut, groaning. Having my fingers hover over the keyboard while my brain conjured up and immediately denied the next sentence I would write always drove me over the edge. Being a writer was my dream, yes. But I never imagined that it would cause me so much frustration and anger.

I sighed deeply, picked the laptop up, and walked over to the desk opposite my king sized bed. As I set it down, I heard the tiniest of ‘meows’ come from behind me, and I smiled. I turned to face the door, and, sure enough, my orange Tabby Cat, Jimi, stood there, staring at me with jade green feline eyes, head tilted, ears pointed, face angry as always.

“I’m okay, Jim. Just...fed up,” I shrugged, walking back over to the bed and crawling back on top of it. I patted the empty spot next to me, and he jumped onto it eagerly. He curled his fluffy, twenty pound body into a tight ball and closed his eyes, setting himself up for one of his many deep slumbers. I sometimes looked at him and felt envious.. If only I could sleep as much as he did. My career, unfortunately, did not make life so easy.

I only ever let Jimi on the bed when my husband Shawn wasn’t home. And tonight was one of those occasions.

I wasn’t mad about it- I had grown used to his absence. It did, however, make his homecomings more anticipated. Holding each other in a tight embrace for however long the universe would allow us would always be the highlight of my year each time he came home from 8 month tours. We had been together for 5 years, married for 1, and yet still, looking at him always reminded how in love I was with him, and never failed to make me fall even deeper.

Tonight, he was at the VMAs in Los Angeles, where he was nominated and performing. The show was immediately after the end of the NA leg of his tour, so he had to fly to Los Angeles instead of coming straight home.

Normally, I’d be right by his side at award shows, always being the loudest in the audience and the first to stand when he won an award, but duty held me back. I was extremely backed up on work from my job at Seventeen magazine. Of course, Shawn was one of my top priorities, but that night, my job mattered way more.

I might have been his self proclaimed good luck charm, and he didn’t miss a beat calling me this morning freaking out about his performance, saying that he would totally screw up and embarrass himself in front of tens of thousands of people (though I knew his only concern was Ed Sheeran) because I wasn’t there, but I had to put work first. I was a senior editor for a reason.

However, this senior editor was half a typo away from shooting her laptop with 9mm Glock and quitting her job.

Goddamn, I’m missing the VMAs to struggle with my so called profession? Why was I even hired? I thought. I should have just been a trophy wife. All they had to worry about was which dress to wear for which event and which arm to link with her husband on the red carpet of some frivolous event. The simple life, it seemed.

I looked at Jimi, he was fast asleep. Jimi. So named after Jimi Hendrix, legendary guitarist and one of Shawn’s idols. It was a final decision between that and Tori (short for Toronto). In the end we went with the obviously less tacky and Canadian choice. He still barely responded to his given name, but it was already engraved in his collar and there was no going back after shit was set in stone. Or in this case, stainless steel.

He was basically the only company I had in this huge condo in downtown Toronto when Shawn was gone, but I didn’t mind too much. He may have slept 90% of the day, but he was still there with me. And company that was lazy, uncooperative, and the cat equivalent of sleeping beauty was better than no company at all.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the buzzing of my phone on the bedside table. I stretched my arm over and picked it up. It was a text from Shawn.

You like?

Attached was a photo of him, black and white, sitting on a couch most likely backstage at the VMAs, staring intensely at the camera. His navy blue suit coat was missing, and the sleeves of his shirt, originally blue and white, were rolled to his elbows. His hand was at his chest with his thumb tucked into his shirt.

I bit my lip and held back a heavy sigh, as though not to wake Jimi up. Again, 5 years together, and things like this didn’t fail to bring me to my knees in awe. My husband was beautiful. I wasn’t being shallow. I was stating facts.

My thumbs flew across the screen as I replied to his text.

Is that even a question? You greek god, you ;)

Not even a second later, his reply came up.

I’m calling you. I miss your voice.

Sure enough, right after his text came, his name came up on the screen of my phone, indicating an incoming call. I wasted no time accepting it and pressing the device to my ear.

“Hey, legend,” I mumbled, smiling lightly.

“Hi, darling,” he whispered. I had heard the phrase so many times, Whether it was when he would come home from the studio and follow it with a hearty kiss, or if he was simply coming up behind me while we made dinner together and I was at the chopping board, he always let those words slip past his mouth and I always let them make my insides melt. His throaty voice and the way each syllable would role off his tongue turned my insides into pure liquid.

“Why is it that I can be so deprived of your voice even though I heard it only this morning?” he chuckled. He was all I heard. There was no background noise. i wondered where he was. Clearly not backstage, other wise I wouldn’t have been able to hear a word he was saying.

“I guess I have than affect on you, huh?” I teased. He could be a cheeky little shit sometimes as well, but I took the cake. I knew how to get under his skin (and use it to my advantage) when the time felt right.

I could almost feel his smirk from the other line. “Of course you do, darling. You know my desperate love for you reaches great lengths. It could put the great wall of China out of business,” he said smugly, and for a moment, I wondered if I was talking to my husband or a Tumblr poet. But then I remembered he could be a mix of both sometimes.

“Whatever, Mendes,” I rolled my eyes and dismissed his comment. I tried my best not to feel his imaginary ego sometimes.It only made it grow, which always made me laugh.

“What are you up to?” he asked.

“Laying on the bed, talking to you, wishing I didn’t choose to be a writer,” I lamented, squeezing my eyes shut.

“Y/N,” Shawn warned, and I winced. He hated it when I talked badly about my job. He always reminded why I was hired and that I shouldn’t doubt my ability or my bosses for hiring me. “How many times have I told you that one or two slip ups is completely normal?” he questioned.

“Says you,” I scoffed. “You slip up in front of millions of people and everyone thinks its adorable. I do it in front of an entire board room and I feel my degree in Journalism being torn to shreds,” I said.

“Adorable?” he laughed. “Hardly,” he said. “Are you taking a break?”

“Yeah, obviously,”

“Good. Don’t worry, darling, you’ll bounce back up in the morning. Whatever you’re writing will hands down be the best thing to ever grace the pages of Seventeen, I know it,”

I narrowed my eyes. “You always say that,”

“And I always mean it,”

I smiled. I knew he did. He always would. “So, are you nervous?” I asked, toying with my wedding ring- my birthstone, pear shaped. It left a permanent imprint on my finger, for I never took it off unless I absolutely had to. I felt naked without it. It had basically become a new body part.

“Eh,” he said. “I guess so. I’m kind of like a see saw right now. I’m either nervous as fuck and ready to back the hell out of this, or so confident I practically feel like God. Its fluctuating,” he explained, and I nodded as if he could see me.

“Makes sense,” I said. “Don’t worry, rockstar, you’re gonna kill it, I have full faith in you,” I said warmly. Just because I couldn’t be with him didn’t mean I couldn’t send some positive vibes, even if they were received from 4,052 kilometers away.

“Thank you, darling. I still wish you could be here with me. It doesn’t feel the same without you, knowing that this is the first VMAs you’re missing since we started dating,” he sighed. I could picture him, if he was sitting, either toying with the collar of his shirt or bobbing his leg up and down. Right or left?

“Work held me back, Shawn. You know I wish I could be there with you,” I told him.

“I know, baby. But, good luck charm or no good luck charm, talking with you right now is the only confidence boost I need,” he said. “Your voice is like a steroid shot or something, and I mean that in the best way possible,”

My face heated at his quirky, funny, yet so, so endearing comment. “God, if only you knew how badly I wanted to crawl through this phone and tackle you to the ground with kisses,” I groaned, throwing my head back.

Shawn’s POV

“Oh really?” I laughed. “How badly, darling?” I asked, standing up from the leather couch in my personal dressing room. I began to pace the length of the space, my eyes drifting up to the outfit I was to wear on stage that hung on a rack. It was nothing fancy, just a gray shirt with my basic black jeans and boots. I didn’t believe in going over the top with things like that unless it had to do with the musical aspect of the performance. I didn’t have to look like I raided Party City to put on a spectacular show.

She giggled on the other line. “When you get home and I shower you with as many kisses as my lips will allow, you’ll know how bad,” she said, and I was almost certain she winked.

“Then damn, I can’t wait to get home,” I concluded. She could have absolutely nothing waiting for me at home and it would still be anxiously anticipated. Her on a whole would be the only ‘welcome home’ gift I would require.

I loved this woman with my entire body, mind, and soul. She had my heart and I had hers. I dared anybody to try to take them away from us.

“How’s Jimi?” I asked. He was a bossy, orange devil, but I still cared about the little fucker, even if I was convinced he had it out to get me.

“He’s right here next to me, sleeping in your spot,” she answered, and I furrowed my brow.

“Baby, I thought I told you not to-”

“Well someone has to fill your spot!” she argued before I could finish.

I laughed. “God, a cat replaces me when I’m not home. Tragic and wrong,” I shook my head and chuckled.

“Then you better rush home and rectify said wrong, Mr Mendes,” she teased.

“Oh, trust me, I’m counting down the hours til I can, Mrs Mendes,” I smirked, sticking my free hand in my pocket.

“How many hours?” she asked softly. And then suddenly, I knew I had hit a nerve with my statement. We hadn’t seen each other in months. Talking about my return or her visits was bittersweet. They never lasted as long as we wanted.

“Baby,” I cooed. I wanted nothing more than to fold her in my embrace. But I couldn’t. “Its okay. Only 15 more hours until we get to see each other again. Only 15, nothing more,”

“How I wish it were less,” she laughed slightly, and that lifted my spirits. Hearing her sounds of joy, even if they were the smallest of noises, made me feel like I was about to enter the gates of heaven sometimes.

“I’m not father time, love. But I’ll race home to you as fast as I can as soon as the show is over,” I said. There was a knock on my door and Andrew’s head popped in. “One second, Y/N,” I said, and pressed the phone to my chest. “Is it almost time?”

“Yep,” he nodded. “Get dressed, you’re on in ten,”

I gave him a thumbs up and he closed the door. I put Y/N on speaker and walked over to my change of clothes, pulling them off the rack.

“I’m on soon, baby. I gotta hang up in a bit,” I said. 15 more hours.

“Oh,” she said, and there was most certainly a deep pout on her face. “Well rockstar, I guess this is it,” she exclaimed, perking up.

“This is it!” I repeated, chuckling. I pulled my dress shirt off the put the other one on, buttoning it up almost all the way before I removed my belt and dress pants, pulling the black jeans on. “Hey, darling?” I asked after my pants were zipped up.

“Yeah, babe?” she answered.

“You’ll be watching, right?” I clarified. I knew she would be, but what if at the last second she wouldn’t? Maybe she didn’t want to see her trainwreck of a husband totally fuck it up (in the terribly bad way) on the stage? Even through the TV she would feel the humiliation.

“No, Shawn, I won’t be watching at all. I’ll be too busy trying to teach Jimi to write an article for me,” she drawled sarcastically.

I groaned jokingly and stomped my foot after I laced up my boots. “Can you not joke for a second, love?” I laughed, taking her off speaker and bringing the phone back to my ear. I looked in the mirror and straightened my hair, combing he loose strands back from my forehead. Fresh haircuts never lasted long- my hair grew quick. My fans loved it. I was always led myself to think they love ‘the curls’ more than me.

“Alright, alright,” she sighed. “Shawn, you know I’ll always have my eyes on your performances, even in the most unreasonable, unrealistic of circumstances. I wouldn’t miss you for the world,” she said sincerely. I could picture the look in her glimmering eyes, the way they would twinkle in a manner only for me, only when she looked at me.

“You promise?” her reassurance was my saving grace at this point. My heart rammed against my chest like a caged beast wanting to escape incarceration. My palms were sweaty and my body trembled. The norm. The day this didn’t happen before any performance that I had, was the day I stopped being human. I craved this feeling to remind me that I cared, but at the same time, I dreaded it, because it brought on an onslaught of negative ‘what ifs’ that flooded my brain.

“I promise, Shawn. I’ll always promise to be there for you.Even if I’m not with you. I will always be there for you,” she said, and I knew she was nodding firmly.

My darling. I couldn’t picture life with out her anymore. She had become my everything.

“I love you so much,” I mused, feeling my throat clog up. The things she did to me. This wouldn’t be the first time her words brought me to tears. It wouldn’t be the last either.

“I love you too, big guy. Go out there and kill it!” she squealed.

I turned the doorknob and stepped out. My team stood outside the door, scrambling to get the equipment ready.

“Bye bye, darling. I’ll be picturing you out there,” I said.

She giggled that angel like giggle. “Bye, legend,” she said, and kissed the receiver before hanging up.

Legend. She always called me that. And she was one of the reasons I would work as hard as I possible could until i became one. One like her.

She was my legend.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope y’all enjoyed :)

#shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes

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serena-waldorf · 6 years

Note

"Talk about" asks: 7: Talk about your biggest insecurity. 8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of. 22: Talk about your worst fear. 29: Talk about what turns you on. 30: Talk about what turns you off. 36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

7. Talk about your biggest insecurity

Aside from superficial things like my looks and my weight (and I’m actually somehow getting more confident about myself in regards to these, plus looks don’t really matter anyways, I’m realizing, its about what’s inside, as cliche as that sounds), I have a lot of “foot in mouth” moments and embarrassing moments that arise from me doing or saying the wrong thing. Or I do/say stuff that is probably not all that embarrassing really, in the grand scheme of things, but because of my insecurities, I get embarrassed. I guess I’m just scared to be myself. Yes, I have to be more careful to think before I speak because my big mouth has gotten me in trouble before.

But for the past 2 years, due to not being in a very healthy school/education situation (mentally/emotionally), I realize I shut down and didn’t let my true personality shine through and it affected my school performance and my relationships with classmates and teachers, prevented me from networking, making connections, making friendships etc. I felt like I was doing/saying the wrong things all the time so I decided to shut down, shut up and sit down. Which in hindsight was the wrong way to handle the situation and is probably gonna be one of my biggest regrets in my entire life. So I guess I just need to find the right balance between being the person I know I am inside, the person I feel free to be around my mom, my closest friends, and my closest cousin, not being embarrassed to be me, but also not overstepping, not saying the wrong thing, not gossiping, and not saying something that could potentially hurt somebody.

8. Talk about the thing you are most proud of

Definitely finishing university with somewhat decent grades (lol) and getting my BA. I did a Double Major in Political Science and Women and Gender Studies so it was a lot of hard work, I poured blood, sweat and tears into my assignments and it was stressful at times but it was all worth it. I’m proud of myself for taking risks during this period of my life and for successfully balancing school with my part-time jobs. Plus, because I have some slight learning disabilities with English and Math, I guess I always knew I would go and wanted to go to university but in middle school, I couldn’t exactly picture it because of my personal and academic struggles. When I started doing better academically and socially in high school, is when I got the confidence to know that I would eventually apply/go to university. I’m definitely glad I went to university before (community) college, and didn’t decide that university would be too hard and go straight to college from high school, because my college experience (what I was talking about in the above question), for the next 2 years after university was a complete disaster compared to my university years. Worst 2 years of my entire life by far.

22. Talk about your worst fear

Right now, its getting “stuck” in life where I am right now. Working at my part-time minimum wage job forever. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, its just not what I want for my future). It sounds ridiculous but its a very real fear for me currently. Especially when I put out hundreds of applications for full-time work, both in my field and outside, and don’t even get at least interviews. So frustrating lol. I know its ridiculous though and I’ll get something eventually though. And I’m not the only one in this position, most of my friends are as well. It’s just disheartening. I just gotta be more proactive with job searching though and apply myself better instead of being lazy and watching Netflix all the time lol.

29. Talk about what turns you on

Glasses, men/woman in positions of power and in sexy pantsuits or jumpsuits, especially women for this one omg, people who are adorable and dorky, respectful people, somebody that has a good sense of humour (and can laugh at them self).

30. Talk about what turns you off

Smoking (both weed and cigarettes), it wouldn’t be a total deal breaker in a relationship but I’d prefer to date a nonsmoker.

Angry and abusive people

And I know I’m gonna get in shit for this one, but tattoos. I don’t care if somebody has one or a couple of them (like maybe 2-5 for example), and they’re spread around their body, but I’m not a fan of people who have their entire arm/arms tattooed, or their entire stomach and torso/back covered with tattoos. I guess it could depend on the design but I’m just not as into tattoos as everybody else in the world seems to be. I don’t know, I’m weird lol. Tattoo enthusiasts, don’t send hate in my ask box pls, lol.

36. Talk about your guilty pleasures

Being lazy in my pajamas all day and bingeing on Netflix/TV shows, Starbucks, chocolate/ice cream/desserts in general, and trashy reality television (even though I don’t indulge in this one as much as I used to but I still love me some 90 Day Fiance and The Bachelor/Bachelorette haha).

Thanks!! Sorry for rambling in some of the answers lol. I’ll send you some in return, if it’s not too late :)

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duaneodavila · 5 years

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Highly Agile Team Training: It’s A Jungle Out There

As much as I bemoan the inevitable spring arrival of our fresh-faced consultants (shameless plug: check out “Baby-Birds: A Care and Feeding Guide for In-House Counsel”), I can usually find a way to insulate myself from their never-ending fountain of theoretical opportunities for efficiency. What I can’t seem to duck is the quasi-mandatory trainings with outside consultants. You know the ones I’m talking about, the perky Stepford types who come armed with their seasoned smiles, personality quizzes, and pop-psychology theories that are targeted at making you a better version of your corporate self.

Since my company apparently signed up for one of those “consultants of the month” clubs and hasn’t figured out to how to quit yet, I’ve been subjected to quite a few of these. To date, I’m a blue INTJ eagle with reformer and Ravenclaw tendencies who is best suited to being a lawyer, reality television producer, or honey badger patronus. Thank goodness, I paid attention on career day in high school. I just don’t have the stomach for 90 Day Fiancé.

These days, I apparently also don’t have much of a stomach for consultants peddling what I can only describe as the “it’s so obvious, I can’t believe we’re paying good money for this” method.

Enter Highly Agile Team training. Allow me to summarize the three tenets of this method which will purportedly make you better suited to be a part of such a team.

Point one: Show up on time to meetings. End the damned things on time.

Point two: Set an agenda for said meetings. Send out the damned thing in advance of meeting so people have time to read it.

Point three: Be honest, open, and truthful (or, to use one of my new favorite, not at all an HR issue, acronyms — H.O.T. Yeah, that’s right. Go forth and be H.O.T.)

There, I just saved you half a million dollars in consulting fees.

Here’s the jaw-dropping part (okay, I grant you that the price tag is pretty jaw dropping in itself, but wait, there’s more): the business lapped this up like they’d never heard of such radical, outlandish behavior. Imagine, being punctual and prepared for a meeting, and saying what you mean instead of saying one thing at the meeting and dissecting it like an episode of Thrones the minute the meeting is over. What novelty! We could change the world! Or as I like to think of it, we could all be attorneys!

Seriously, I sat there watching my internal team members scribbling notes in their H.O.T.-branded notepads and gazing up at the consultants like they’d just cracked the code for calorie-free pizza. I started to wonder if maybe I’d grown too hard, too cynical, too unwilling to appreciate fresh perspective when it was offered.

And then the consultant wrote asses on the white board instead of assesses. So, no then.

I will say this for Arthur, consultant extraordinaire and purveyor of Highly Agile Team training and all things H.O.T., he could read the crowd well enough to know there were more than a few doubtful faces (thank you Quality and Safety VP). It didn’t take him long, but Arthur eventually narrowed his consultant’s gaze on me, taking on his most professorial tone.

“You read skeptical to me,” he says. “Crossed arms and closed off posture are body language symptoms indicating I don’t have your full buy-in.”

Instead of pointing out that body language symptoms make it sound like I have the fever and chills and in dire need of a decongestant, I offer Arthur a broad smile. “Oh no,” I say breezily, “I’m really enjoying this session. I just should have brought a cardigan with me.”

He eyes me, debating whether to move on and let it go or try and use me as some sort of shame-based teaching moment. He goes for the latter.

“So, Kay,” he says, squinting at my name placard, “how would you assess your H.O.T. behaviors? On a scale of one to 10.”

“I’m a solid eight, Arthur.” I know, I know. I’m a total 10 and so are you, dear reader. At least when compared with my seatmate, Andy from Sales, who I’m pretty sure hasn’t been able to find an open and honest conversation with two hands and a flashlight since the Reagan administration. But I don’t want to invite Arthur to pick on me further. We’re paying this guy by the hour.

“Pretty confident in your assessment, Kay.”

“She’s definitely an eight,” pipes up Randy from R&D. Thanks, buddy. I’ve never been so thankful to be described as an eight in my life.

“She’s the lawyer,” Jim from Finance adds.

Sensing a fellow bullshit artist, Arthur withdraws and declines to make eye contact with me for the remainder of the morning session. Smart move, Art. Smart move.

Once we’ve all had a turn assessing our H.O.T. behaviors (and that’s assess, friends, not asses), we move on to the part of training that everyone loathes — role playing. I brace myself as Arthur dutifully proceeds to move small teams through conflict-resolution role scenarios that are frankly as pleasurable as a root canal when the anesthesia has worn off.

Still, I learn a few things from watching my fellow business partners struggle. This is tough stuff for them. They don’t want to be blunt. They don’t want to have the difficult conversations. They don’t want to be perceived as anything other than amiable team players. And that’s where we add value. We’re not afraid of conflict — conflict and resolution is what we do best. We know that when two parties are motivated enough, there’s always a path forward, even if it means cutting our way through a jungle of barbs and ankle-turning twists to find it.

Hours later and sick to death of role playing, we reach the pinnacle of our H.O.T.ness. We use our newly acquired skills to look inward and decide … what animal would I be in the corporate jungle? Seriously, I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment, since as you regular readers know, I love to wax poetic in these columns as to my trials and tribulations in the in-house jungle.

My business partners pick solid, if predictable picks: Lions (courageous leaders), cheetahs (fast and agile), and monkeys (fun and clever). Bless the Quality and Safety VP who deadpans that he’s the baboon from The Lion King, a little wild-haired and crazy, but generally in the right.

Warily, Arthur turns to me. “What about you, Kay?”

“I’m an African honey bee,” I say sweetly.

“A honey bee?” He doesn’t want to ask, but he just can’t help himself. “Please elaborate.”

“I’m a hard-working team player with just a bit of a sting when needed.” Actually, what I really want to do is have my watershed Network moment here and tell him I’m the one-eyed crocodile you never see coming, rising from the murk to rid the corporate watering hole of the weak all in the name of keeping the company herd strong. I don’t say this, mind you, because I like my job and it’s easier to do my job if my business people think I’m a nice person. Or at least a useful person who can help them navigate their way out of the jungle to yes.

I do get at least one other unexpected joy out of this particular training. I get to decide what jungle animal Arthur (and others of his ilk) would be. After much deliberation, I settle on the majestic capybara. Not because I have any idea what their function is in the jungle, but because they are the largest of the rodent species.

Kay Thrace (not her real name) is a harried in-house counsel at a well-known company that everyone loves to hate. When not scuffing dirt on the sacrosanct line between business and the law, Kay enjoys pub trivia domination and eradicating incorrect usage of the Oxford comma. You can contact her by email at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @KayThrace.

Highly Agile Team Training: It’s A Jungle Out There republished via Above the Law

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rattygoth · 7 years

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Ana and Me

In class, my eyes barely stay open. Sounds of the teacher are muffled in my ears. I grip my vibrating stomach. My legs wobble and my head spins upon standing. Colours dance across my blurry vision, but I shake it off and float to the clinic, as requested by my teacher, Mrs Novak. My shaky, bony hands sign in and present the hall pass to the nurse.

“Again, Mister Blakely?” Ms R. asks upon my arrival. I nod. “What is it now?” “I’m fine, I swear. Just tired. Mrs Novak is just overreacting like usual,” I tell her. “Have you eaten?” she pokes. I stare blankly. “Well ?” “Yeah, yeah, earlier. Lunch. I had lunch,” I lie. I haven't had anything pass my lips in 90 hours. Her look of disbelief is discouraging. Ms R. continues to give me lectures about how I need to ‘fuel my car for the highway of life’ or something like that. “Well, this is all I can do to help,” she says, handing me some crackers. I slowly walk down the hall, 220 calories in hand. My first instinct is to bring my hand up to my mouth and nibble on the salty cracker. The feeling of the dry, sticky mound in my mouth makes me gag and I run to the bathroom to throw up. The yellow bile stares back up at me from the toilet. My stomach heaves two, three more times. I brush my teeth at the sink and avoid looking at my reflection in the mirror to evade another purge. Outside of the bathroom, I see my best friend, ana, waiting for me. “You good, blake?” she asks. “Yeah, fine,” I tell her. “How long since you’ve eaten?” “90 hours,” I report “Good. you’ll get to 110 hours in no time,” she replies. “If Mrs Novak doesn't stop sending me to the nurse because she thinks I'm not okay, I might not,” “You’ll push through. You’ll make it, I know it. You’ll be perfect eventually.” “Easy for you to say, you’re already perfect. Most of the kids give me looks because I'm not perfect.” “Don't worry about them,” she snaps, “they're all just jealous,” “They're all just jealous,” I repeated quietly. “You should probably go back to class. But hey,” she stops me, “nobody is there for you the way I am. Remember that.” “I know.” *** Children don't quite understand how precious their childhood is. As teenagers, we remember our time on the playground and miss the days when our biggest problems were scraped knees and broken toys. This is what I'm thinking about as I lay on my floor, staring at the glowing stars left on my ceiling by my past self. “Hey,” Ana says, standing over me. “Oh, hey” how long was she standing there? “Your parents offered me dinner, said I was getting too skinny, but they're probably just envious. Everyone wants to be this skinny” she says, flaunting her gaunt body. “Yeah, I know,” I grumble. “Hey, you’ll get there. Now,” she points to me, “shirt.” I obey her silent request and reveal my ribs protruding through my thin, pale skin. “This,” she pinches my belly, “has to go. You know that.” “It will be gone soon” I nod reassuringly “Better be if you want to be perfect.” I know what needs to go, but she points it out every time and I let her because she’s so perfect and I wish I could be like her. My bones ache to be shown. She pushes me every day to work harder, go faster, think thinner. We exercise every day to assure that the future will be thin. We look at thinspo on Tumblr and she points out that I should look like that and I will one day if I listen to her. I will be happy. Most of the picture, however, are of girls. Skinny girls. There’s hardly ever pictures of skinny boys. That’s not how society works nowadays. Society hates fat people, especially fat girls. But there’s perfection for everyone if you know how to get it. *** The water in my shower is too hot and my skin burns and turns red. My blood pumps harder and my heart races faster to keep up. I leave the water at its scalding temperature and suffer through it. I don’t even feel it after a while. I don't feel anything. My mind is blank and my body is numb. “So tomorrow, we’ll have a 300 calorie limit to break our fast” Ana says, sitting on the sink. I respond blankly with ‘okay’s and ‘yeah’s from my searing shower. Every thought in my mind during the day was about how disgusting I was and how I was going to make myself perfect. I obsess over every little thing all day long. How I look, how I smell, how I sound, how many calories are in every single thing around me, checking calories, regretting eating little pieces of food, every single little thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if one day I end up calorie checking the air around me and stop breathing. In the shower, however, my mind shuts off. I do the one thing that everyone does, the only normal thing in my life. Showering feels normal. It’s the one time of the day that everyone does in basically the same way. It’s my safe place, where I don't have to think about anything at all. No worries for a whole twenty minutes of my day. I shut my brain off and allow Ana to take over. In my room, I look at my angular body and the trace amounts of fat that need to go. I scowl at the small burn marks on my leg that have turned into larger scars. I throw my sweatpants and a baggy shirt on right before ana walks in. she looks so amazing. Perfect. Thin. beautiful. I’ve known Ana since I was seven years old. She ran up to me one day and called me fat, but we became best friends anyway. She told me that in order to be happy, you need to exercise. It went from simple exercise to dieting, to counting calories, to straight up not eating. She lured me into it. She taught me that to be happy you have to be skinny. It's an addiction, not eating. You get a certain sense of power and control. Ana has always been there for me when no one else was. And now, ten years later, I watch her pull her shorts over her tiny hip bones and feel a sort of envy. She’s the only girl who hasn't rejected me, yet I felt no attraction to her. She’s always just been my best friend, my partner in crime. Laying on my floor, we talk about things I could only say to her. “Think about it, blake. Think about when you're going to be skinny, all the things you can do when you are” ana says “Not being disgusted when I look in the mirror. Confidence. Wearing whatever I want. Everything will be okay” I say back to her “Yeah. and all you have to do is not eat. It's the simplest thing ever, yet it's so hard to do. You just do nothing” “It's hard. Sometimes I want to just give up and eat whatever I want. I was a normal person once.” “Normal people are fat, blake. You will not be fat. You don't want to be fat. You want to be perfect.” she snaps at me “I know, I know. I will remember that. I want to be perfect.” *** 146 hours since there was food in my stomach. I sit at my school desk and watch the concerned faces around me. They’re all jealous, repeats Ana’s voice in my head. I try to focus on my work, but colours are dancing across my blurry vision. It happens sometimes. The price I pay to be perfect. No, this is different. My head spins like a hurricane. Something wet trickles down my lip. wha-what? My teacher says something to me, but my head is spinning too much-- I can't focus-- I look down-- red, I see red. Blood. Damn. There is blood on the fingers that touch my face. Who’s is it? It's mine. It's my blood. Coming from my nose. I assure my teacher that I'm fine.I stand to get a tissue and-- *** Beep. beep. Beep. My eyes flutter open to see a hospital room. Through blurry vision, I see Ana. she’s glowing. “Wh- where am I?” I stumble. “The hospital.” Ana snaps at me “Whats wrong?” I say, confused. “‘Whats wrong?’ really? What’s wrong is that you’ve ruined everything. You’ve ruined everything we’ve dreamt of since we were seven, blake. You’re going to be fat again, and there’s nothing I can do about it. You're going to be a loser again, just like the day I met your sorry ass.” “What do you mean, what happened? What’s going on, Ana?” “You can’t handle what it takes to be perfect. You passed out and now they’re going to pump you full of calories and take you away from me, for now. You let everything go to waste. You’ll never be happy without me. You fucked up.” she’s a mess, but she looks calm on the outside. “Wha- what? I’m so sorry. I'm so sorry.” I keep repeating it, but when I open my eyes, she’s gone. The doctor stands by my parents where Ana stood. They look worried. I’m a teary mess. “Whats happening?” I ask through silent sobs. “Are you okay, Blakely? You’ve been starving yourself? Why didn't I know? What have I done? Why did-” my mother sobs and accepts my father’s embrace. “Are you mad at me?” I ask them. “We’re happy you're alive. I wish we could have helped you sooner, son, and I'm sorry.” my dad says. “He is lucky to be alive. It’s a good thing that we caught this before it got worse.” the doctor says, then turns to me, “Hello, Blakely, I’m Doctor Reid. How are you feeling?” I stare blankly at him. I don't know what to do or say. “Well, we will soon be transferring you to a behavioural health centre for further treatment, is that okay?” he asks. “Wh- where’s Ana?” I say. Blank stares. “Can I see her?” more blank gazes. “Where is she, dammit?” I exclaim. “Son, who’s Ana?” my mum asks. “My best friend. My only friend. Since I was seven? What do you mean?” I remind them “Son, Ana doesn't exist.” my dad tells me.

#story #ana story #short story #fiction #based on true events #save #thinspo #meanspo #sweetspo #ana #anorexia #mia #bulimia #eating disorder #ed #depression

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