#see how easy it is to post something about who she is beyond a photo and just claiming she's your fave?

[faislittlewhiteraven]

Been having some ISaT tech level and timeline (as in 'when backstory things happened') thoughts and want to ramble a bit:

Tech

ISaT's setting is based on your classic sword and sorcery fantasy JRPG so its easy to assume that tech wise everything is 'fantasy medieval' and call it a day but consider:

Body Craft is at bare minimum is magic sex changing surgery (earliest known equivent in our world dating to 1930) that any old person can learn to do safely on themselves in only a few months, and more likely has many many broader applications like regular old surgery, the 'combat healing' Mira and Sif use, etc.

Cameras and photos are rare enough that Odile comments on it (namely she's happy the group get a photo in the House due to them being 'so rare') yet are also common enough that everyone in the party knows about them and doesn't question the existence of a camera beyond being surprised that the mirror was one. (In our world cameras date back to the 19th century, with the earliest manufacturing of them being in 1839). 

Printing presses and ways to make plenty of paper to feed those presses given absolutely everyone in this game can read, expects everyone else to know how to, and both mass produced book series and newspapers are a thing. (Note: Printing presses have existed since waaaay back but it's the mass paper manufacturing that makes newspapers and The Cursing of Chateu Castle possible that really has my eyebrows raised here, especially since neither Siffrin or Odile find either odd in any way, indicating such things are common everywhere, and while newspapers have been around since 1604 in our world, mass produced fantasy books didn't really take off until the start of the 20th century).

Food production and storage: despite being in the middle of a national disaster that almost certainly cut off trade networks and access to most suppliers for literal months now, Bonnie, a small child, is able to easily get their hands on fresh Pineapple, curry ingredients (for samosa), potatoes, plantains etc with no issues or anyone commenting on this being unusual or lucky. Oh and the only character who even brings up the concept of potential starvation is the Fishing One, and only in a sort of 'we're not at risk now but sooner or later...' kinda way due to noticing that the fish they fish up for fun are disappearing and likely being frozen. So yeah, that heavily implies Vaugarde has very good food storage tech/Craft (possibly better than ours), and likely also good food production and harvesting tech/skills also.

The Island's incredible knowledge of the stars: while the oldest known orrery in our world is dated from around 205 to 87 BC (ancient Greek, earth centric model), the fact Sif -who would've learnt this as a child/teen- is so very certain that stars are big balls of fire made up of gas is interesting as that's something our world couldn't prove the theory of until around the 1900s (note: it'd been theorized a LONG time but Sif talks like its complete facts to them . Additionally the earliest existing record of a telescope in our world dates to a 1608 patent and we see one of those in game.

Post posting EDIT: A wonderful user qds-place pointed out that Mirabelle has anti-anxiety medication in her room. This is in both ISaT and SAaP and though we're not sure what form the medication takes (pills? Valium? Megitech esc Craft boosters???) the fact they specifically have 'anti anxiety' medication at all (as opposed to idk dragging Mira off and drugging her through the gills) is kind of impressive and if it IS modern anti anxiety pills those could be as recent in creation as the 1950s! So um. Some high levels of tech implied in chemistry there <3

So... yeah. All this, plus the fact that the highest tech implied area, The Island, literally specialised in the study/Craft of turning wishes into reality (for a long enough time period that Wish Craft is culturally so ingrained in the King and Sif that they do it without thinking and it seems intertwined with their nation's religion) has been completely erased from memory to the point anything heavily associated with them has been forgotten, and also we only ever see Dormont aka a little village well away from the cities, it's not hard to conclude that you can basically justify giving the ISaT world any level of tech you want, so long as you lock any of the truly 'setting breaking' stuff like planes and rockets behind The Island's forgetting curse (I would've said trains too but thinking about it trains were invented in 1802 so it's honestly easy to imagine that they totally exist in the ISaT setting/Vaugarde but aren't ever on screen because rail is way too dangerous to consider using while the Curse is active and potentially time freezing things on the tracks).

Side note: We know absolutely nothing about Vaugarde's transport system but as a fan of fantasy RPGs it is honestly a travesty I have yet to see a fic that has flying dragons/wyverns or other fantasy mounts in setting. Like, ok yes, the party would probably have wanted to use those but maybe they don't like the Curse and fled? Maybe the King's Curse targeted them first? Maybe all their handlers dropped the heroes off in Dormont and said 'Well Saviors it's been fun, but well me and Scales here are off to Poteria until things wrap up so best of luck to you' before buggering off?

This isn't really a serious complaint just. Me reminding myself/potentially other fanwork writers out there that there's a lot about the setting we just don't know about and limiting all travel to walking, horse drawn carriage and boat is not actually required. (Also please mix up travelling to the Island. Boats are a wonderful classic and have great thematic vibes for Sif's original leaving of the Island but like. Imagine the sheer in-universe wtf of the memories of The Island suddenly coming back and people on the north coast suddenly realising there's a massive bridge, subway or underwater tunnel leading there that everyone just forgot about - potentially filled with all kinds of Sadnesses that need taking down. Or Warp Panels in a House of Change, idk XD).

Timeline

Canon notes first:

Bonnie is a preteen (8 to 12), Mira and Isa are in their early to mid 20s (with Isa slightly older), Sif is late 20s to 30, and Odile is 40+ Nille is stated to be around 18 to 20.

Siffrin ran away from home when they were a teenager (13 to 17? 18?) and this is heavily implied to be when the Island was Forgotten.

Bonnie (in ISaT specifically*) says that Nille told them that when it happened all the adults were talking about it, hence why they think The Island is close to their village. *In Start Again a Prologue, Bonnie says that they themself remember the adults talking about the Island disappearing, which er. Is a bit impossible given they likely weren't even born yet when that happened but that can be explained away by AU differences, InsertDisc5 still finalising details between SAaP and ISaT, and/or OG Siffrin having been in the loops so long they weren't actually listening when Bonnie was talking and just 'scripted' in their head something 'close enough' to what Bonnie was saying to get the idea (note: mentioned that idea before in my post here on the differences between the House and King in Start Again vs In Stars and Time for anyone curious so er please feel free to give that a read if you haven't already).

Odile mentions remembering 'when it happened' as well and has been 'travelling for years'.

The King 'appeared out of nowhere' sometime in his adulthood, and lived in the city of Corbeaux for a few years before he became the King.

The King became the King as was freezing people in time long enough before his attack on the House of Dormont that everyone inside knew he was coming, there were a wall's worth of newspaper articles about him, and everyone was expecting Euphrasie to defeat him.

Mirabelle's quest began 'almost a year ago' and Sif lost their eye 'recently'.

Thoughts on the above:

Calculating when The Island was forgotten:

Sif being mid 20s to 30 and having run away from home as a teen means that The Island has to have been forgotten somewhere between 9 to 17 years ago with nine only possible if he ran away at age 17 and is only age 26 now, and seventeen being the far opposite if he ran at age 13 and is currently 30.

To narrow down the timeline: Given Sif ran away from home because he 'didn't want to eat his veggies' and 'just wanted to scare [his] parents a little bit' it's probably safe to assume Siffrin was likely on the younger end of the teen spectrum (teens run off all the time sure but with loving parents and over veggies? That screams 'kid who has not yet learned that freaking out the parents will get their ass grounded and/or yelled at a LOT and is therefore best saved for doing fun forbidden stuff that ideally the parents will never find out about' XD) Additionally given Siffrin can't remember his age/birthday etc but Isabeau outright says near the beginning of the game "But you're older than most of the people here?" meaning Sif must be visibly older than Isa or Mira, so he's probably closer to 30 than not.

Those alone would imply the Island likely disappeared closer to the '17 years ago' side of things BUT Nille (tops 20 years old) told Bonnie that "[the Island's disappearance] was all the adults would talk about for ages" and kids usually can't remember anything prior to 4 years of age so with that in mind...

I'd say The Island most likely disappeared between 13 to 16 years ago.

Nille stuff:

This is more a general mention but. Nille is tops 20 years old. Bonnie is between 8 and 12 and doesn't remember their parents at all.

This means Nille ran away with Bonnie and gained emancipation and custody of Bonnie (if Vaugarde has formalised that kind of legal stuff) while she was at most 12 years old herself and could have in theory been as young as 6..!

Regardless, it's very likely the original home situation was that bad, Nille deserves a ton of credit for raising Bonnie as well as she has and I'd say it's very VERY likely she had a lot of help from villagers in Bambosche and/or the local House of Change in doing so. ...But also Bonnie is very adamantly 'my sister and village' and not 'my sister and [specific names who live with us]' so there's clearly by the time Bonnie was 4 or so they were living in their own place so... Yeah. Lotta drive for independence there too it seems (so the party might have more trouble adopting Nille into their group post ISaT than Bonnie might expect).

King stuff:

Already an adult 13 to 16 years ago so at bare minimum 33. Given his vibe probably much older though.

Newspapers get printed pretty quick though for there to be so much speculation and research done into his background so quick, either Vaugarde has some form of fast messaging system (something like a Chappe telegraph on top of the Houses of Change? Odile I think does mention that they'll have a message sent to let Nille know they'll be returning Bonnie...) or the King was freezing stuff for IDK around a month or two before reaching Dormont? Alas can't find out how long it takes to walk across all of France out very easily (I'm sure the numbers are out there but my brain is pudding rn) but if we had those numbers we could probably make some guesstimates based off the rough sketched map of Vaugarde InsertDisk5 did... Which I would link but apparently the tumblr post I had it linked on has been deleted???? 'wails at this very unhappy development'

Mira's journey and Sif's eye:

We really don't know a lot but almost a year ago gives us somewhere around 9 to 11 months to spread the journey out along and after eye removal surgery the patient can out and about as soon as 2 to 6 weeks after, maybe sooner with magic healing (though full recovery/growing used to the changed spacial awareness -which Sif clearly does not have- probably can't be sped up and takes around 3 to 6 months) so um. I'd guestimate Sif's eye injury is really recent; like two months ago tops recent. ...Which sorta explains a lot of why Bonnie is not dealing with it right now and also why the others might be trying to avoid bringing it up (since Sif clearly loves avoiding the issue but they haven't yet realised that maybe they really should bring it up even if it annoys them anyway?)

Odile with some Ka Bue speculation:

When it comes to The Island, how did Odile, presumably living in Ka Bue at the time, remember 'when it happened'? Was the Island well known enough even on the other side of the world that it's disappearance made waves? Or was Odile herself or someone she's close to paying attention to the region? (Like maybe her dad or a friend is/was into politics or trade, keeping up with overseas news and got concerned it could happen to Ka Bue? I'd say 'I remember when it happened' line implies it was more immediate knowledge than being informed by a messenger much later though...)

As for Odile's 'years of travel' I have to wonder, what's left behind for her in Ka Bue? She brings up going back there quite a bit, might just miss home and possibly her father if he's still alive, but given it took her years to get here for something so personal rather than idk 'materially rewarding' I think Odile might have some kinda family estate or something back in Ka Bue... Something she wasn't worried about potentially losing while far away, but solid enough to want to return to, beyond her father who she'd definitely want to see again if he's still around. (...But given how open she is to chilling about Vaugarde a few more months with the others, I really don't think he is alive, since well, given their respective ages and travel between Vaugarde and Ka Bue apparently taking years, there'd definitely an uncomfortably high chance of him passing away while she's gone and that seems like the thing that'd stress Odile out so... Yeah. Probably got an estate in Ka Bue she'd like to take the Family to visit/possibly sell off if she decides she'd like to live with them in Vaugarde so... Just my off the cuff headcanoning here and hoping that gives others ideas or something).

---

Anyway that's all the ramble I've got in me so... yeah! Hope this was interesting and useful for those needing a bit of a 'possible tech'/timeline calcs breakdown for the Island + a few more vague things and um. Probably will post a long winding ramble about my attempt at a ISaT Selkie AU fic I've been working on next <3 (Not to be confused with looped-140-and-counting's already existing and quite wonderful Selkie Siffrin AU which already has a completed oneshot fic, a snippet of sequel, two snippets of prequel/Sif flashbacking and I believe a comic too, all of which I highly recommend <3)

#isat #isat spoilers #useful notes #in stars and time #speculation ramble #isat timeline notes #hope some of my isat fans out there find this useful for their fanworks <3 #I know its pretty basic stuff but I find having things laid out clearly handy for working out backstory and what to change in AUs so yeah = #i link interesting things. read selkie sif fic rec plz #isat nille #isat siffrin #isat bonnie #start again a prologue mention! (sorry there's not more than that XD) #thinking too hard about what I can and can't get away with in the big beautiful void that is 'left open to speculation' worldbuilding <3 #the forgotten island allows so many shenanigans people are not taking enough advantage of and I will call this out XD #also isat features a surprising amount of 'more modern-ish' tech or magitech that can basically do the same or better so like #Also had way too much fun wiki walking and going 'ohhh that's more recent than I thought. Cool!' and would highly recommend it #please ramble back to me your own random thoughts and notes as I love them even if I'm never sure as whether or not (or how) I should reply

[sleepynegress]

A COMPREHENSIVE & AUTHENTIC UHURA LOVE/HISTORY POST

The above is where Roddenberry 1st employed Nichelle Nichols [click to watch the full clip]. It was a military show based on Roddenberry's own experiences, the episode is called To Set it Right (I highly suggest reading the wiki article about it).

You should note two other actors, whom he later pegged for Star Trek are in the episode.

They dated briefly and then became good friends way before Trek came about.

Miss Nichols was already an accomplished singer and dancer who performed regularly w/ Billy Eckstine and Duke Ellington

Roddenberry's 1st show, The Lieutenant, was canceled/pulled from the air before these scenes bluntly dealing with racism could air (there's blackface as punishment for the racists at the end of the show, in a case of 'he 'a little confused but got the spirit' for the times, so tw)

He created Star Trek to try to soften the blow of all the social messaging he wanted to insert from his military experience. Star Trek was basically, a submarine drama placed in a sci-fi setting. He made it diverse on purpose because the military helped him travel and serve with all kinds of people. Roddenberry was inspired by that.

Uhura was the first person to read for Spock and in fact, helped to shape the character with her reading and based many of the traits of Uhura (formerly Uhuru) on Spock.

She was basically a glorified secretary. She played the part with poise, joy, and the 60's style womanism she got to play out for those times... Everything from her mini-skirt (which Nichelle herself called very comfortable) to her smile, and teasing lines, and quips were about her playing "big" in a small role. She made every moment, every look, every line, and movement count:

Roddenberry cracked jokes about the fact that the network never figured out that Uhura was fourth in command.

Nichelle was the only main cast member who was not salaried. She was paid by the hour. This attempt at marginalization actually resulted in her being the highest paid at times, because of the long hours.

Nichelle was not let in the front entrance at times, her fan-mail was kept from her, and she grew frustrated with the constant cutting of her scenes, lines and storylines. This is why she justifiably attempted to leave. The bigots in production did not like her being there (and if we're being real, were it not for Janice Rand's actress Grace Lee Whitney having gone through so much and thus losing her job in the 1st season...Uhura might have had even LESS presence)

The lost context in MLK convincing her to stay was that YES she was minimized and could make more money and be more fulfilled on broadway, but her symbolism and presence meant so much at a time when Black women weren't on TV unless as a racist caricature cleaning a house, and even that was rare...that she stayed.

One of her best allies was DeForest Kelly, who threatened to quit if they fired Nichelle. George Takei was her absolute best friend on the show and in life (she served as his Best Woman at his wedding).

There was an unfilmed episode in which Uhura and Deforest would have played reverse roles in "racial dynamics" on a planet they visit

Spock and Uhura were originally supposed to kiss in the alien mind control episode, but Shatner demanded to do so for the publiicity.

Her work to recruit marginalized people as astronauts, as in personally going to colleges and talking to candidates after the show is a staggering achievement that arguably is the most potent of any castmember in any of the Trek series post-show. Sally Ride, Guy Bluford (she personally recruited the 1st woman and 1st black astronaut), Mae Jemison (the 1st black woman credits her for inspiring her to become an astronaut).

Uhura did finally command the ship in the animated series. She would not have gotten to voice the role, but for Leonard Nimoy making it an obligation that all the original actors voice their parts for him to come on.

Scotty and Uhura in the film was definitely a pair the spares situation, in which both were the leftover senior citizens with the writers just going "why not?"

it was beyond insulting and she did protest about the scene where she's bumbling through a giant translation book to speak to klingons for laughs in trek 5 ...but her best moment IMO is her pulling a gun on the young ensign in the transporter room in Trek 3...sadly her ONLY scene in the damn movie.

Miss Saldana got to play to MANY corrections in JJ Abrams rebooted Trek, from being amazing at languages to having an actual life & love, to confidently turning down Kirk at every turn.

FUN FACT!! Both JJ and Bob Orci both expressed disappointed shock that the love story between Spock & Uhura got more hatred from fans than BLOWING UP PLANET VULCAN.

another FUN FACT!! The love story between Spock & Uhura is what grabbed the old school Star Wars fan (JJ Abrams) enough to come aboard to direct. Yep. JJ ships Spock & Uhura.

Zoe's iteration became the 1st version of Uhura to speak confidently in Klingon

Celia Rose Gooding becoming Uhura brings around a lot of Uhura's qualities full circle, IMO. As she is also from theatre (like Nichelle) and has a beautiful singing voice as well as the charm. Zoe's iteration was sharper, and much more protective, professional, & mature, about her life and love.

Celia Rose has the youthful curiousity and stars in her eyes and had vulnerability from her first intro... I loved the eagerness the crew showed to being in her orbit, seeing the glow of her talent and being drawn to that, to have a part in nurturing that.

As I've said... Celia IMO has the most dazzling smile, giant warm brown eyes, fantastic curves, and an energy that feels essentially Uhura, & that is all light, joy, a bit of uncertainty, -from the light singing (!) and the growth to her joy in discovery... I'd love to see her writing move away from serving and be more about her wants needs and growing in friendships/loves.

But Celia is a gift and is perfectly cast.

Essentially Uhura = femininity, graceful carriage, gorgeous smile, excellence in engineering and translation (canon!), ability to sing and play the Vulcan lyre, sharp womanist wit, love for her U.S. of African-Kenyan culture and being beloved by all crew...

When Miss Celia hummed those gorgeous notes to the alien entity on that comet?? That Solidified that she IS Uhura IMO.

I 100% think they fucked up by killing Hemmer, because that mentor-mentee relationship was giving marginalized coming together and bonding over everybody else's bullshit and I was here for it...it was giving me Data and Geordi updated...and since then, IMO they've lost track and given us the same kinda backwards wingwoman role BS, that people who like to pretend to be her fan shoehorn her into.

...but I have high hopes that they'll course-correct.

All this to say ALL OF THE ABOVE is Uhura and anyone calling her ugly, bossy, pushy, annoying, whatever is just sad little hater who doesn't know wtf they are talking about.

#uhura #celia rose gooding #zoe saldana #nichelle nichols #nyota uhura #star trek #star trek 2009 #st: snw #star trek: strange new worlds #star trek strange new worlds #strange new worlds #meta #anti-misogynoir #see how easy it is to talk up Uhura w/o pretending the only reason she's allowed to be is to get two dudes together? #see how easy it is to post something about who she is beyond a photo and just claiming she's your fave? #Youtube #another tidbit is that my man karl urban who gave the most direct and authentic playing of his reiteration IMO... #IS a true trekkie who spoke up for canon moments Spock and Uhura share in TOS when they got questions about Spock/Uhura in the reboot #p.s. yall got scammed by the gofundme for nichelle #her son moved her to new mexico and sold her house out from under the grifter because he was squatting there #yall just gave that fanclub lady free money #fanclub lady was making her work and sign autographs through dementia for the grift too #note yall aint see where 70k went since her passing have you? #sadly

[blainesebastian]

clingy

words: 2,009 ship: austin butler x reader summary: (anon request) “what about austin with someone even touchier than him. maybe fans start saying she’s always clinging on him so she gets self conscious in public but austin notices right away” warnings: none notes: prompt just slightly different from request-- this can be read in tandem with ‘touch’ but isn’t necessary. requests are back open for now :) thanks to anyone who's left me one! appreciate it xx tag list: @killerqueenfan, @karamelcoveredolicity, @elizabethrosecresswell, @gigisworldsstuff, @stylespresleyhearted

Frowning at a few candid photos posted on Instagram, you scroll through the comments. You usually don't allow yourself to go down this rabbit hole because it shouldn't (and doesn't) matter what people think about you and Austin. No one is in this relationship except the two of you, you know that's the only thing that matters...and yet, these comments are burning into your eyes and imprinting on the back of your mind. It's mostly because it's spiteful, they're not fooling you on that, but that doesn't make them any easier to read.

There's a set of photos of you and Austin at a cafe last week that had a patio, enjoying the pleasant weather while you could. Austin is seated in one of the chairs, a pair of sunglasses and a ballcap on as he drinks his iced coffee. You're standing between his legs in the first photo and then you're sitting in his lap the second. Not that you need to justify this to anyone, but the patio was practically empty and you weren't disturbing anyone's afternoon. It's not like you were making out or somehow making this interaction obscene. You're typically seated on Austin's lap, it's so automatic at this point that he'll often find your hand and tug you to sit down on him—zero complaints.

Regardless that these strangers are not entitled to any background information, you know that might change a few people's opinions as they spit out nasty comments.

elvislover: you can tell he's super uncomfortable—like, yikes ericatownton: she literally does not give him a moment to breathe austinfan: #clingyaintcute

There are some bright spots,

austin345: can some of ya'll mind your own business? austin looks so happy in these? i don't get some of these comments shannonhyat: they're so cute! wish i could sit on austin like that, ngl eyeswithwonder: find yourself a man who looks at you like austin looks at Y/N—like she's hung the moon bro

but sometimes those aren't enough.

You've always been the touchy type—ever since your first boyfriend, but maybe it's gone beyond that, you've reached out and squeezed someone's arm while laughing, you're easy to hug to express emotion, and God, definitely super cuddly when you get a bit drunk. People who have never been your friends have called you a flirt or, just like the comments you're seeing, clingy...but you've never really found anything wrong with it. It's one of your love languages, how you best convey how you're feeling—and it's not like Austin isn't the same way.

He's big on touch, ever since you've known him, even when you two were just friends. Always with the hands on your hips, your waist, your lower back, fingers through your hair or playfully gripping your chin or absentminded centers of connection, knees against knees, shin along shin, shoulders brushing. He's never been shy about it...so why all of a sudden do you feel like you need to be?

You have no idea why you’re letting this bother you—Austin has never said anything that’s hinted that he’s uncomfortable, and you know he’d tell you. You really hate that this has gotten so underneath your skin.

You debate on whether you want to mention something to Austin or not, maybe talk about it or just…ask if there’s any merit in thinking you’re too clingy, if you should back off a little? But you never manage to get the words out of your mouth.

Setting your phone face down, you look up as Austin comes in from a night out with some cast members. He had asked originally asked if you wanted to join but you had dinner with your agent that you couldn’t miss (because it’d already been rescheduled twice).

“Hi,” He says warmly and walks over to where you’re seated on one of the stools at the island table. You hum as he leans down to press a kiss to your lips, slow and intimate, body heat rolling off his skin.

He smells like cologne and just a twinge of cigarette smoke, alcohol, intoxicating in a way it probably shouldn’t be. You find yourself closing your eyes as he leans a bit against you, not drunk but definitely tipsy, a lazy smile on his face as he pulls back. You smirk, reaching up to thread your fingers through his wild curls.

“Have a good time?”

“Would have been better with you,” He replies matter-of-factly, slipping his jacket off and setting it on one of the other stools. Austin clears his throat, getting a good look at you for a moment and pauses, “You alright?”

He knows you, lifts his hand to curl his pointer finger and brush it across the crinkling of your skin between your eyebrows. Far too well.

This could be your moment but…it feels foolish to mention it. Not only because Austin’s a bit inebriated and it wouldn’t be right to draw him into this conversation, but because the longer you sit with these thoughts, the more silly they feel. Right?  

“Yeah,” You lie through your teeth, giving him a soft smile. “M’just tired, got a headache.”

He hums lightly, moving to press a long kiss to your forehead. “I can make you some tea.”

You let out a laugh which is mostly air leaving your nose, “You are swaying on your feet,” You cup his cheek, amused and fond, “Shouldn’t I be taking care of you?” You lean up to press a kiss to the bridge of his nose.

He crinkles it but smiles down at you, “What’d you have in mind?”

You playfully tap his cheek, “Bed—maybe a shower.”

Austin purses his lips, seemingly in thought for a moment before he nods—and then ever so quickly scoops you up into his arms. It’s haphazard and ridiculous and you can’t help but laugh as he carries you towards the bathroom,

“Hey! I didn’t mean with me.” And you can’t stop yourself from laughing, Austin teasingly grabbing at your ass. He barely turns the water to the shower on before he sets you down, drawing you into a kiss.

--

It’s been a relatively lazy day which you’ve seriously come to appreciate, it’s not often that you get many of them to spare. You’ve spent the morning with Austin browsing a large farmer’s market, deciding on fresh fruit and vegetables and handmade products that you probably don’t need but are indulging on. It’s fun, calming—it’s in moments like these where you can kinda forget how crazy your day to day lives can be. There’s comfort in that normalcy together.

You decide to go to the same bistro on the corner from your apartment for lunch, a place that you both have been before countless times because of the great food and rich coffee. Not to mention that you’re slightly obsessed with the beautiful patio outside that’s perfect for a little fresh air and spots of sun. It fills up fast but this is where it pays to be a bit of a celebrity—when Austin calls ahead, they make a table up for him, no matter how busy they are.

Can’t deny that you kinda love that perk as you pick at some fries on your plate next to a finished sandwich, full and content, legs under the table pressing into Austin’s as he talks about his upcoming project. You can’t help but smile as he talks with his hands, animated, excited for what’s to come because he deserves every single moment of it.

There are small moments of enjoyable silence, just sitting in one another's company, the hand that's not eating fries sitting loosely on the table. Austin's hand finds yours automatically, something so automatic that it makes your stomach do a complete flip. Your eyes glance down to the rings on his slender fingers, running along yours, squeezing every so often. A small smile tugs the corners of your mouth and you pick up your iced coffee to take a sip.

"Today was pretty great," You comment after the breeze picks up and flutters your hair. You run your fingers through it, adjusting sunglasses on your face.

"It was," Austin agrees, running his thumb along your knuckles, "You regret that we don't always have time for it?"

You give him a small smile, shaking your head, "No, course not. Just makes it that much more special when we do."

Austin hums, lifting your hand to press a kiss to the inside of your wrist. He then tugs, encouraging you to stand, and you already know where this is going before it happens. This is something you do all the time—you share food or coffee together and find yourself on Austin's lap. Even on this crowded patio, you're tucked into one of the end corners near the lines of bushes for a bit of privacy, your stomach clenches with nerves in a way it's never done before. You can't help but think about all those stupid comments, burning letters into the back of your vision.

You completely tense up, freeze in spot.

Austin notices automatically, of course, his eyebrows drawing together in soft confusion as he looks up at you, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," You reply, too quickly, shaking your head--he can read right through you, Austin's always been good at that.

He lets out a soft sigh out of his nose, holding your gaze for a long moment, blue eyes boring into yours. And yet, you can't seem to move. Curling your hair around your ear, you glance at the other tables, expecting to see eyes on you, maybe people taking candid photos to appear online later...and yet there's nothing. Of course there's nothing.

"You're shaking," He replies gently, standing now from his chair. He runs both of his hands down your arms, squeezing, “What’s goin’ on?”

You almost want to brush it aside but Austin’s locked in now, he’s not going to let you. So you briefly roll your eyes towards the sky, a shaky laugh following, “You’re gonna think it’s ridiculous.”

“I doubt it.” He encourages.

Chewing on your lower lip, you give a soft nod, “Uhm—do you…do you think I’m clingy? Like, as a girlfriend?”

His eyebrows draw together in confusion, unsure of how you’re topic jumping to this and it looks like he might want to smirk but doesn’t because he can tell you’re upset. “I think…both of us enjoy attention through touch, there’s nothin’ wrong with that though. Doesn’t make you clingy.”

He keeps your gazes connected, making sure you hear him, that the words register and you find yourself nodding once. The ghost of a smile tugs at the corners of your mouth and Austin cups your cheek, shifting you into a kiss that lasts a good handful of moments. You know he’s doing it on purpose too, keeping you close, drawing it out.

When he pulls back, he playfully nips at your lower lip, making your smile much more genuine, “And don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.”

You hum in acknowledgement because Austin knows, of course he knows where you were coming from. You’re not sure whether that means he’s been on social media too or can just sense it—you’ve talked about pap photos before, candids posted by fans. It’s never really bothered you until now. It means a lot that he sees you, without having to explain or justify how you feel. You definitely love him for that.

“Now,” Austin says, sitting back down in his chair, “C’mere.” He motions towards himself with his fingers.

You can’t help but laugh warmly, taking Austin’s hand and allowing him to tug you over to him. Sitting down on his lap, perched on his one leg like it’s the simplest thing in the world, you lean your shoulder against his chest. He smiles up at you, hooking a finger underneath your chin to draw you into a kiss. It’s slow and sweet, no cares in the world—especially for anyone who might be looking.

#austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler imagine #austin butler fic #elvis 2022 #mccall writes things

[coolprettyleo]

obsessed with your ex? - juraj slafkovsky ☆

wc: 650+

tw: toxicity? obsessive. mention of sex. stalking?

juraj slafkovsky x reader

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

it was four in the morning and you couldn't sleep. your thoughts were running wild as the six foot three man was laying sound asleep next to you. you were staying over his place tonight and what was supposed to be an easy going night turned into a nightmare; for you at least.

you had opened your instagram to find that jurajs ex had followed you, and commented on her recent instagram post, how you slayed the photo dump you posted on your recent trip to Milan.

I mean his ex didn't mean to get in your brain. you had finally met the girl, about a couple weeks ago at a brand dinner seeing as you were both models. you had been professional with her. but since you guys had many mutual friends the ex seemed to be trying to befriend her.

oh my god I wonder if she was friends with jurajs friends? did she know arber like you know him?

was she good in bed?

does he still think about her?

was she easy going?

every controlling?

well traveled?

well read?

all these thoughts made you want to scream into your pillow and die. something you couldn't do because you were at your boy friends house, sleeping in his bed on a side that was now 'your side' but you knew it was once hers.

when you met the ex about two nights ago you had to act like you didn't know every little thing about her, when you did. you knew everything about her, from her star sign to her fucking blood type.

you felt insane. you were honestly borderline of psycho. you were so obsessed with jurajs ex and everything about her was making you so upset.

you were pulled out of your thoughts when you felt the boy next to you move.

"why are you still awake" jury asked seeing her stare up into the ceiling. he moved to wrap his arms around her and pull her in, trying to to comfort his girlfriend.

what were you supposed to say to him? I'm up thinking about your ex? that im fucking obsessed with her? he would think I was her freaking best friend with how much I would want to talk about her and ask him.

and it wasn't like there wasn't anything I could complain about too, anyways. she was an angel, who was perfect. my friends would even tell me she talked so nicely about me. she was the life of every party and had these perfect hips with the most perfect lips. god you sounded like you were in love with her.

he had once told you that she hated flying so she would take melatonin when they would go visit his family with him back home, and you've never forgotten that detail about her.

"y/n" jurajs voice rasped again.

"what did you call me?" y/n exclaimed sitting up moving away from him. she could of swear he said HER name.

"your name?" juraj said slowly, beyond confused. he loved you so much and the last thing he would of thought was wrong with his girlfriend in the middle of the night, was that you couldn't stop thinking about his ex. he doesn't even speak to her anymore and he loves you with his whole heart.

you looked at him, studying his face for any lie. he wasn't. you felt so obsessed and you knew it was crazy upon repair, but you couldn't help it for some reason.

"alright what's wrong. did I do something" he says sitting up and turning on the nightstand lamp.

you felt horrible. he looked exhausted and he needed his sleep, he had games coming up and he had practice in about five hours.

"no-" you sighed looking at his soft eyes urging you to go on.

"-its just" you stumbled upon how to word your next choice of words.

"you can tell me" he said rubbing your back and kissing your shoulder.

"im obsessed with your ex"

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

omg this is my first non au right and also like no oc character. if its cringe lmk! I like feedback. also this is based of an edit I saw on tiktok!! goodnight loves!!

#nhl imagines #nhl imagine #juraj slafkovsky #hockey fic #hockey imagine #juraj slafkovsky x reader #montreal canadiens x reader #juraj slafkovsky smut #arber xhekaj

[hotvintagepoll]

Welcome to the HOT AND VINTAGE MOVIE STARS tournament! We are currently on a break between tournaments, having just finished the Hot & Vintage Movie Man Tournament last week. The Hot & Vintage Movie Women Tournament starts next week on February 29th (Leap Year Day) MARCH 2ND. The submission form for the ladies is now closed.

All polls—including ongoing polls, previous rounds, old tournaments, the various shadow brackets, and fun mini polls—can be found in the #hotvintagepoll tag. Every poll in the Hot & Vintage Women Tournament will be tagged with the hot woman in it if you need to search for a hot woman in particular. There have been around 400+ submissions, so Round 1 will probably be posted over the course of a few days.

FAQs:

“I have propaganda for the hot women!” Great! Please don't send or tag me in any hot women propaganda until the poll including that hot lady is posted.

"....but you're posting gifsets of hot ladies?" Yes. As a special treat to myself I get to post a little additional propaganda of my own between tournaments. (Once the tournament begins I am sworn to neutrality and only post the propaganda sent to me.) The gifsets I reblog are not representative of my own views—ie I reblog both my secret favorites and other hot ladies who were submitted numerous times—and are intended just to get us in the Hot Lady spirit™.

“How do I send in hot women propaganda once the tournament starts?” Send me an ask, or reblog the poll and add your propaganda to it. I don’t boost all the propaganda I see or receive, but I try to boost the best of the best.

If you’re submitting propaganda for your hot lady, I don’t accept propaganda that’s from beyond the end of this tournament’s era (ie don’t send me pics of them from after 1970). I also don’t accept them acting in TV shows unless it’s clearly a cameo where they’re playing themselves (ie, no I Love Lucy or Catwoman appearances). I'm more likely to post your propaganda if it's not extremely long.

I don’t post or boost negative propaganda about any hot woman. If you really hate that a certain hot woman is winning, send me positive propaganda for their hot opponent. If you think a hot woman shouldn’t even be included in the tournaments because of scummy things she did in her lifetime, please read my take on it here.

"Can I still submit propaganda for the hot men?" You can, I guess, but it's a bit pointless because there's no tournament for the hot men going on right now, and I won't post it. Toshiro Mifune was crowned winner and every other nominated hot man was sent to the shadow realm. "I'm catching up on the brackets now! How do I find out more about the Hot Men tournament?" You can do a tag search for a specific hot man if you want to see if he was included and all his propaganda, or you can just go into the #hotvintagepoll tag in my archive and dig through the old posts to see everything. I've turned most of the rounds into featured tags in the archive to make it easy to follow the tournament (#round 1, #round 2, etc).

If I see repetitive, trolling, and/or bigoted remarks in the comments, I may block you from this bracket. If you want to point out a hot woman’s flaws or misdemeanors, that’s fine, but if I see consistent bad-faith trolling, you will be blocked.

On that note—if you have an issue with a poll, don't be a dick and I'll try to solve it. If you hate a poll pic, complain AND send me something I could use instead. I'm not going to go hunting for new photos on my own. In general I try to keep this poll fun but I will block if I see thoughtless bitching.

“I KNOW THEY'RE ALL IN THE SHADOW REALM BUT I want to see all the hot men who competed in one place!!” You can find all the round 1 matchups here (thank you @markwatnae!).

“My FAQ isn’t on here :(” send me an ask! I love hearing from you guys—just please check these basics first.

Thank you for being here! Enjoy the tournament.

#new masterpost! #fuck that old woman #hot ladies

[twstreverie]

hii!! I just saw your wingman post and I absolutely loved it! Do you think you could do headcanons of MC asking a few characters to go with them during winter break so they're not alone? You can choose who you write for! Please and thank you!!

thanks! these three came to mind. I apologize in advance if there’s any mistakes!

requests are open!

epel felmier

he would love to have you come to his hometown and meet his family, epel knows that they certainly wouldn’t have any problem having you over for the winter break. he would feel bad too if he had to spend it all alone up in ramshackle… minus those ghosts. but he’s eagerly dragging you with him, he is quite proud of his hometown too!

his grandmother adores you so much, she’s pleasantly surprised to see you come along with him. epel will get pretty embarrassed sometimes but seeing her happy with you is special to him! also, it’s really funny to see his country accent slip out way more often than what you’re used to hearing when he heard you laughing once when he started heavily speaking it when upset about something, he kinda forgot you’re not used to it and was like ??

epel wants to show you everywhere and try there baked goods and foods!! much like the event. and listen to their music, see his family, and pick apples. he’ll stay up late with you too just chatting, though you’ll have to make him begrudgingly do a quick skincare routine vil would scold him for not doing once he returns to nrc haha.

from what we’ve seen from his hometowns event that place is definitely an incredibly fun place to be for the winter. there’s always something to do there inside and outside with epel, he’ll happily do them with you too.

deuce spade

deuce feels bad for you… I mean considering your situation you don’t really have a family to spend it with and everyone’s basically gone. it wouldn’t really take any kinda convincing to get him to bring you along with him. he shows and walks around his hometown with you — just probably off getting groceries together for his mom, even just doing something like that with him can be enjoyable!

he lives with only his mother and grandma I believe, anyway. he has wrote and told them a lot about you too! though he would be way to embarrassed to tell you that. like his mother doesn’t tell you eventually, she is just beyond overjoyed to hear and see that deuce has someone like you, that he’s adjusting well at nrc!

I’d think he has a very small family like I said, consisting from what I know his grandmother and mom but they’re very close and very special to him. he hopes that they like you as much as he does, which of course they do! his grandmother is pinching your cheeks and his mom is showing you old photos of his childhood so you saw his delinquent days and teased him for it.

trey clover

I feel like he would actually be super understanding and see no reason why you couldn’t come with him, it’s sweet considering what you’ve been through so far at nrc haha. don’t feel bad because he’ll be all reassuring like “hey, don’t sweat it.” or a “don’t worry my family wouldn’t mind at all.”

you’re gonna be eating so much sweets over at his family’s home, especially since it’s the holidays and stuff. but it’s still very homey and cozy there over the winter it’ll feel so comfortable there. trey will offer to have you help bake too if you enjoy it. you also might happen to see chenya once or twice swing by, I feel like riddle may once as well so you can offer them your goodies hehe

he’s going to be helping out his family too and baking goods to sell for his family’s bakery so if you’re wanting and willing to help he would love it. you two could spend a lot of your time talking and laughing while baking together.

you’ll also get to see him and how he acts around his younger siblings it’s the sweetest. like letting his little brother do the easy things like stir the batter or just let him lick the spoon. they’ll definitely be all over you too. they’ll practically be begging trey to bring you back again by the end of break!

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst headcanons #trey x reader #epel x reader #deuce x reader #trey clover #epel felmier #deuce spade

[your-divine-ribs]

Snow Day (Dad Van)

Thought I’d better post this whilst it’s still Winter! Just some cute headcanons about spending a snow day with Dad Van 💗

Dad Van Masterlist Main Masterlist

⛄️ It's a Sunday and you're looking forward to a cosy lie-in as it's been such a busy week.

⛄️ No chance of that unfortunately as Van's already woken up and looked out the window. "It's snowing love!" He announces loud enough to wake the dead.

⛄️ You haul yourself out of bed and wake up the kids who are predictably just as thrilled as their dad. It's the first time Leo's seen snow and he's babbling excitedly in wonderment at the thick blanket of snow outside the window.

⛄️ Van gets dressed in record time. "C'mon Gracie, get yer wellies on! We're gonna build the biggest snowman ever!"

⛄️ "Actually Daddy, we're going to build a snow lady!" Grace announces, then she's looking at Van aghast as he pulls on his jacket and heads for the door.

⛄️ "You can't go out like that! Mummy always makes sure I have my scarf and hat and gloves on when it's cold!" You stifle a laugh as she sets about wrapping Van up in a big cosy knitted scarf and one of your woolly hats with a giant pom-pom on the top.

⛄️ Van grumbles but he lets her do it. "Oh, very cute!" You laugh, taking a quick photo on your phone before he can protest.

⛄️ Leo's only just taking his first tentative steps so you and Van hold a hand each whilst he toddles around the garden.

⛄️ It's not long before you feel a shock of something cold, icy and wet slithering down under the collar of your coat and you let out a squeal. "Got you!" Grace giggles.

⛄️ Van takes a snowball square on in the face and you can't stop laughing at his shocked expression. Your daughter has a surprisingly strong throw for saying how small she is.

⛄️ Van declares war. "Right young lady, you've done it now! You just wait!" He scoops up a massive handful of snow and flings it in Grace's direction, purposefully missing her by a small margin.

⛄️ Grace shows no mercy and absolutely pummels Van with snowballs in return. You can't resist joining in and you're laughing so much you have tears running down your cheeks and Leo's giggling away too.

⛄️ "How can this be fair? Two against one? Go easy on me girls!"

⛄️ Van throws himself down on to the floor, absolutely covered head to foot in snow, feigning a dramatic defeat, his eyes falling shut.

⛄️ "Mummy we did it! We killed the snow monster!"

⛄️ You and Grace tiptoe over whilst he's lying there and as soon as you get close enough he suddenly grasps hold of both of you, pulling you down into the snow with him. "You're gonna get it now!" He roars.

⛄️ The next thing you know he's pinned you down in the snow and shoved a handful down the back of your top whilst you're squealing from the shock of the cold. You vow to get your revenge.

⛄️ Grace wants to make snow angels and Van's only too happy to oblige seeing as he's already covered in the stuff.

⛄️ Next stop's the park and snowman building. Van's very enthusiastic as of course he wants to build the biggest, most impressive one.

⛄️ A little boy and his parents next to you seem to be winning the competition and not to be outdone, Van's on the phone to Larry to enlist extra help.

⛄️ Larry arrives just ten minutes later carrying two sledges. The kids are beyond excited to see him. "Uncle Larry, you're the best!" Grace cheers, flinging herself into his arms for a hug.

⛄️ The kids start to lose interest in the building project pretty quickly but it doesn't matter, the lads have completely taken over anyway. The finished snowman is huge, putting the others in the park to shame. It towers over Larry.

⛄️ The boys are sniggering at their inappropriate positioning of the carrot and you have to hurriedly move it back up to the face before Grace notices. "It's supposed to be a snow lady remember?"

⛄️ Next it's time for sledging and you take the kids up to a gentle slope with one sledge whilst Van and Larry climb up to the steepest, most treacherous looking hill with the other.

⛄️ Leo's having a whale of a time but it's not long before Grace starts complaining. "Mummy this is boring... this hill's for babies! I wanna go with Daddy and Uncle Larry... please!"

⛄️ You're terrified but give in eventually to your daughter's reckless thrill-seeking nature that she's inherited from her dad.

⛄️ "Faster! I wanna go faster!" Grace shrieks whilst you can barely watch, hiding behind your hands.

⛄️ Miraculously there's no injuries or broken bones but after a while everyone's starting to feel the cold. Your fingers and toes are tingling.

⛄️ "Time to go home Van," you call. "My hands are so cold they're going numb!"

⛄️ When he runs over you show him exactly how cold they are by shoving them up the front of his jumper, making him yelp. "Told you I'd get you back!"

⛄️ "That sounds like fighting talk!" He chuckles and then you're screaming as he's sliding his icy fingers under your clothing too whilst you're trying to wriggle out of his arms.

⛄️ "I don't know what you're complaining about," he teases. "My hands are lovely and warm!"

⛄️ The clouds are heavy with snow and flakes start falling again, thick and fast, so you say goodbye to Larry and begin to trudge home.

⛄️ Leo's up on Van's shoulders trying to catch snowflakes on his tongue like his dad's shown him how to.

⛄️ When you arrive home you all pile into the house but you pull Van back on to the doorstep so you can admire the wintery landscape with him. There's something just so magical about fresh snowfall.

⛄️ You wrap your arms around his waist and snuggle into his side. "It's so beautiful isn't it?"

⛄️ "Hmm... yeah it is... just like you babe," he murmurs, and then he's turning to pull you closer to his body. "Have I told you how much I love you lately?"

⛄️ "Not for about five minutes!"

⛄️ His long lashes are still frosted with snowflakes and the tip of his nose is pink from the cold. He looks so cute you can't resist leaning in for a kiss as you snuggle into the warmth of his arms.

⛄️ "Errr Mummy and Daddy are kissing Leo, don't look! Yuck, grown-ups are so gross!"

⛄️ You pull away quickly to see Grace covering up her baby brother's eyes with a look of distaste on her face. You and Van dissolve into fits of laughter at her dramatic reaction.

⛄️ "Come on, let's all get warmed up."

⛄️ Everyone changes out of their cold, soggy clothing. You steal one of Van's hoodies to wear as they're so warm and cosy.

⛄️ There's steaming hot mugs of tea for you and Van, hot chocolate for Grace topped with marshmallows, and a beaker of warm milk for Leo.

⛄️ You all snuggle up on the rug in front of the fire, warming up your frosty fingers, a perfect end to a perfect day.

#dad van #catfish and the bottlemen #van mccann #van mccann x reader #fanfic #vanfic

[accio-victuuri]

CPN : interpreting xiao laoshi’s oasis photos 📷

here we go again clowns. thank you to xiao ge for sharing photos from his personal collection. 🤍 same disclaimers applies, it’s all speculation. If you don’t like bjyx or cpns, then don’t read. It’s that easy.

1. Yibo is at it again, at this point it’s already funny and beyond coincidence. When XZ posts, his interaction points goes up. How many times does this need to happen before we accept that this guy logs in and checks his Oasis only when his man posts? GG posts at 22:15. Yibo is at 0 on 22:18 then it goes up 22:21! It’s okay Bobo, we know you check his posts and interact with it. 😌

2. The usual photo of the Moon, which is a BJYX symbolism. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I initially made a post about it here. However the uniq thing in these shots? There seems to be a Green Hue to it. and who loves Green? Bobo. The cpn thought is he found that it looks green and thought of Yibo so he sent it to him.

3. The first two photos are actually from a Korean Drama. Hahahahaha! He is watching something new again and lowkey recommending it to us. People are saying it’s like he is going through dramas with 9 douban score and above lol.

Drama Name : Extraordinary Attorney Woo

Synopsis : Extraordinary Attorney Woo tells the story of Woo Young-woo (Park Eun-bin), a lawyer with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), working at a large law firm. She has a high IQ of 164, outstanding memory, and a creative way of thinking, however she has low emotional intelligence and poor social skills.

It sounds very interesting! ✌🏼

and what a nice moment in this drama, LGBT theme right here 🏳️‍🌈 WATCH IT!!!!

Though I don’t think he watched it because of this episode, I feel like it’s a sign that he is not a homophobic shit like some people desperately want him to be. He is not clueless. If he really is anti queer content, then he would not recommend this. This is episode 2, so people will be able to watch it as soon as they try this drama. He knows his audience— a lot of people will try what he recommends. So for him to go out of his way and make a post out of it, or including it says something. I’m really proud of him.

4. People are also sharing the meaning of whale when it comes to love.

Whales in love symbolize courage, because whales are in short supply. I want to stay at the bottom of the sea even in the presence of oxygen.

The whale is very figurative in love. Dependence and perseverance at the bottom, so as to reflect the courage of love. Straight forward and not afraid of any interfering factors.

Also this quote from a Hongkong writer, Huang Biyun.

"I love you, like a whale to the sea, like a bird to the forest, it is inevitable.”

EDIT : The character in the drama also likes whales 🐳

Here is a quote from Ep 4:

"for whales, aquarium is a prison. its slavery where you're locked up in a tank, only eat frozen fish and have a show all year around without a rest. they must be stressed because of it."

This is a scene on Ep 10 where he shows a photo of a Whale that made her cry, but she really wants to see one IRL.

That’s all for now. I might update this main post or maybe just make a new one if something comes up. ✌🏼

sources:

https://m.weibo.cn/detail/4790540031492155

https://m.weibo.cn/status/4790533819471943

#bjyx #yizhan #all of this is cpn #there is no science here folks im just clowning like i always do

[robinsroom]

You can develop your OCs as you go.

...

S- So, like uh, will you, will you, OCs- Uh

🥺🤲

okay so like, i have like a handful of ocs but they were all from when I was younger and the make me cringe so I've only taken one or two with me into my """adulthood""".

~~

Heaven

Ofc one of them is my main OC Heaven who ofc is bascially kind of a self insert but better because who doesn't have one. Shes like part wizard, 10% human or something. I would write about how she would go to school specifcally made for other kids w supernatural powers to hone them and ofc this gave me an established excuse for her to meet characters from large franchies or created by people (on dA or tumblr) who I adored at the time.

Her powers specifically would change from time to time based off of characters I thought were neat like shape shifting, being a siren, telekinesis, rumoring people into doing shit she wanted (props to u if u know where that’s from).

For her personailty, she would go from being a brat to a badass bitch to being the biggest submissive goon you've ever met. It really depended on how I was feeling that day LMAO

Now a-days, since she’s out of school and I’m a bit more mellow (lying) on her whole personality being centered around impressing people, she’s a chill entrepreneur who wants an excuse to stay around in the (this is gonna sound so cringe but here goes) “fandom specific worlds/universes” and make her mark you know?

Right now, in the year of our lord, 2023, since DOL is my obsession, Heaven is apart of the OC group that I’m slowly building for Rape City lmao. I’m not sure how yet though beyond her wanting to take control from Bailey. Maybe??? Mayhaps????? Someday??????

Speaking of Rape City, I have two OCs so far.

Winnie & Skylar and maybe another one who might be coming when I take a break w Sky's play through.

~~

Winnie

Winnie was a coke abusing goof ball who catfishes people for funsies. There's not alot to her backstory right now but basically, she wanted to get out of her home and took a trip to the UK. She ended up getting stuck there after giving some sob story to Bailey about how her parents died in a freak BDSM accident.

I like to think any other persona who might be stupid enough to get themselves in a situation like this, are smart enough to, you know, get tf out of it but Winnie is too much of a goof ball to really care. She has free room and board. She can do pretty much whatever she wants and all she has to do is pay 4k to this guy who is mean but attractive. You can get away w anything if ur good looking, right? Better than being stuck at home with her brothers I guess lmao.

Anyway, she uses her knowledge of catfishing to trick creeps into giving her compromising photos, info, etc. which she then posts publicly be it at school or online. She of course has access to, can’t live without it. Bailey took her shit yeah but he didn’t find her phone which she uses to keep in touch with her mother who assumes that her daughter is having an amazing time!

~~

Skylar

Skylar isss...well no one knows who Skylar is. They just randomly showed up one day, even Winnie swears the room they are in was empty literally the hour before they were there. Anyway, Winnie loves paranormal shit and Sky seems pretty paranormal themselves so they automatically became besties. Although it wasn’t easy at first considering Sky was shy and would rarely leave their room after seeing what the other orphans had to go through.

It was school then straight home.

However, Winnie showed Skylar that they have nothing to fear. Most people who decide to mess with them can be subdued with the 7 cans of pepper spray they have shoved up their ass at one time thanks to their close relationship with Kylar. Eventually, they took to crossdressing and since their naturally androgynous appearance, they can pass as a boy or girl without issue.

Eventually this escalated into them branching out and working at Darryl’s strip club on random nights. In fact, they quite enjoy it especially with how friendly Darryl is. They almost look up to them as some sort of silly goose family member.  Eventually they began skipping school but still visit to see Kylar for longer than a few hours in the park. Despite their delinquent behavior, they maintain good marks (unlike Winnie >.>) and an amicable relationship with their teachers inside and outside of school. But Leighton is a dick and they avoid them at all costs.

Speaking of good relationships, if it wasn’t obvious, they’re deeply infatuated with Kylar who gladly returns the sentiment. Even after being kidnapped by him, they were happy to simply spend the evening with them even if they were a hot mess by the time Kylar came to his sense and let them go.

Sadly, this is all I have for them at the moment, the more I play, the more I’ll come up with eventually.

#ask #WHAT HAVE YOU DONE LMAO #I DIDN'T MEAN TO RAMBLE THIS MUCH #i don't even know if this was what you were asking for #im stupid!! #this is what I MEAN!! #skylar #winnie #heaven #there is alot of cringe in here im so sorry #but we embrace the cringe #gen

[stillness-in-green]

On Horikoshi's Writing of Women

This is posted as a stand-alone because lord knows I spent long enough on it, but it's in response to this ask:

This got lengthy, and it could be lengthier still—it's very easy to imagine doing a full-series breakdown on this like the heteromorphobia one I'm still slowly plugging away at—but the TLDR is that I think Horikoshi's women are perfectly acceptable as people, but become much more problematic when you start looking at them as characters.

Hit the jump.

BNHA's Women As People

As people—characters who act in ways reminiscent of real-life humans—Hori’s women are relatively solid, especially the 1-A students.  They have varied personalities and body types,(1) loads of different interests and styles, and outside of the unified front against Mineta, they’re never really treated like a monolith.  That is, no one (as best I can recall) makes big summary statements of Girls Like X or Girls Can’t Y that go uncontested by the narrative like you’d see in truly, openly sexist works.(2)

The worst I can say about the Class A girls' characterization is that they're all too nice, but I would contend that that's true of most of the students, which is why I don't care much about Class A: With the exception of Bakugou, they're all too nice, and it leaves them undernourished, dramatically speaking. But the girls at least aren't blandly nice; they do all have distinct personalities beyond, "Pretty and sweet."(3)

They also have trackable, unique relationships. Consider, for example, the difference between Uraraka’s relationships with Tsuyu and Mina, and how different either is from Momo and Jirou’s friendship!  Further, they’re allowed to be friends with boys without it having to be romantic.  Yeah, there’s Uraraka’s whole thing with Deku, and that’s a chore, but Kaminari and Jirou, or Kirishima and Mina, wherever they may wind up later in life, really are just friends right now—there’s no blushing or stammering or awkwardness going on between those pairs at all.

The Class A girls aren’t defined by their proximity to the nearest male—and that much, at least, is also true of the Pro Hero women like Mount Lady and Mirko.  Hell, even someone like Nana—only in the story because of her relationship with/to men—is actually so important to so many men that I’d contend that she crosses out the other side and winds up in territory that is far more often populated by male heroes and mentors, people who might be dead but who mattered to a bunch of really important living characters.

Nana may be a Dead Mom, but she’s not a saintly photo on the mantelpiece, taken down to be remembered fondly by her widower.  She’s All Might’s beloved mentor, yes, but she’s also the reason Kotarou was such a mess, which is in turn a huge part of Shigaraki’s damage.  She’s the reason Gran Torino is involved in the plot at all.  Even AFO seems to be able to make room to be especially vindictive about her compared to the way he talks about most or even any of the other bearers.

All that, and she even still gets to be “alive” inside One For All so we get to hear her opinions on things now and again!

Things are spottier with the lady villains—mostly because there are so few of them, and even fewer who walk out the other end of their arcs—but even there, I think there’s room for nuanced reads.

Magne’s motivations, such as we ever got of them, were all about being able to live freely.

Curious may have had that flashback to her blushing in front of Re-Destro, but the takeaway from it is how something he said inspired her to mature as a writer, not her being in looooove with him(4)—indeed, Geten is much more directly motivated by RD’s approval, and both Trumpet and Skeptic pivot entirely into being driven by fear for RD’s life the instant they think it might be in danger.  Even now, every single one of Skeptic’s appearances from the cave onward sees him namedropping Re-Destro somewhere.  So even if RD is Curious’s Most Important Person, that just puts her in good company with the rest of her peers.

Meanwhile, Lady Nagant is no more “defined by a man” than Hawks is “defined by a woman” because of the genders of their respective HPSC Presidents.  The easy way out with Nagant would have been to have Bitty Keigo play some role in her turn—indeed, loads of people expected exactly that as soon as the audience realized who and what she was.  But her President being a man is immaterial; the real entity that victimized Nagant is the HPSC as a governing body; its President was simply the face of that body, exactly the way President Pearls was to Hawks a generation later.  Likewise, her turn isn’t because of her feelings about Some Guy, it’s because of her own awareness of the discordance between the façade and the reality of Hero Society.

Until either of the remaining PLF advisor women get anything to say, that brings us to Toga and La Brava.  And okay, yes, La Brava is motivated entirely by a dude; there's no getting around that.  On the other hand, I can’t help but compare her backstory to Spinner’s.  Both of them suffered judgment and ostracization because of their quirks, both were hikikomori, and both had their lives changed because of a man they saw in a video who showed them a new world.  Hell, Spinner had his life changed because of a man showing him a new world twice.

La Brava calls her feelings love, while Spinner calls his devotion, but it’s the same story, just wearing a different costume.  At the very least, then, you can’t say that that plot is one Hori only gives women.  Rather, I think it just ties into the broader theme of how the public consumes people they see on TV, for better or for worse.  You could tie that to a lot of stuff in the series, including Deku’s own heroic aspirations as embodied by that iconic video of All Might he saw as a kid, Can’t-Ya-See-kun's fannish opinions about Endeavor’s heroic persona and his later attempts to reject Dabi’s video, the refugee civilians having to wrestle with the reality of heroes as opposed to watching them from the couch, and so on.

Meanwhile, Toga is so fascinating because, yes, her concerns and interests are stereotypically feminine—her appearance (both in the sense of cosmetic things like A-line coats but also her transformation quirk), cute things, talking about boys, relationships in general, her prioritization of her own inner landscape as opposed to big worldly ambitions.

On the other hand, Horikoshi really commits with Toga.  She’s stereotypical in some ways—the predatory bisexual being a big glaring one—but she is in no way a shallow stereotype.  The reader can’t just write her off as being a collection of tired tropes because of the degree to which the story insists on her being specific and deserving of attention.  She’s not Like That because, for example, that’s what Horikoshi thinks of all bisexuals.  She’s Like That because of an array of factors in her nature and nurture, her societal conditioning, her lived experience, others’ reactions to her, and so on.  Bisexuality is really only the tiniest fraction of who Toga Himiko is.  That’s my feeling, at least.

(As an aside to Anon's suggestion about Toga being polyamorous, while that is clearly the case in the sense that she freely falls in love with multiple people, rather than having monogamous affections, her being interested in poly relationships is much more in the air.  As she is now, her idea of fulfilling love lies in becoming the object of her affections, not being with them.  I feel like if she could find someone into bloodplay, she’d do just fine with that without having to get to the point of murder, but as it is, it doesn’t seem she or anyone she’s met has considered that an option.  That being the case, we don’t know if she’d be willing to limit herself to taking only safe and consensually given amounts of blood, or if her desire to become the people she loves can only be satisfied by murdering the other party. If the latter, it rather takes romantic relationships off the table entirely!)

To sum up: As people, Horikoshi’s women are generally just fine.  He was a wide variety of them and they all manage to stay pretty distinct!  There are some that look more stereotypical than others, but even those still tie in well with the story’s overarching concerns or feel like sincere explorations of the stereotypes they represent.

Horikoshi’s problems with his female characters come in, to me, much more when you start looking at them as characters, instead of as people.

BNHA's Women As Characters

Consider the female characters in BNHA. Do their stories contribute in a major way to the narrative as a whole, or are they just side color?  How much focus do they get?  Are they granted comparable interiority as their male counterparts?

Given the story’s nature as a shounen battle comic, how many big wins do women get compared to the dudes, and are they fighting those battles against equally dangerous opponents?  Do the women always and only fight other women?  Do they only ever beat other women, but lose to men?  How much would be lost or radically changed if they were removed from the story?

Mount Lady’s a fantastic example of the characterization/attention dichotomy.  I’m inclined to agree with Anon that she’s probably Hori’s best lady-type Pro Hero, allowed to have real flaws, enough backstory to get an idea of where she’s coming from, and a startlingly clear character arc.  However, unlike e.g. Endeavor, whose arc is taking place entirely in the foreground, given lavish amounts of time and attention, Mount Lady’s is all background.  We don’t know what her crux point was in realizing that she needed to get her priorities in order, if she indeed ever had one. It’s possible she’s simply matured over the course of the story without ever quite clicking into Endeavor’s mode of self-reflection.

People like Ryukyu fall even farther behind.  She’s been heavily involved in the climaxes of two major story arcs—the Shie Hassaikai arc and the War arc—yet we don’t know the first thing about her away from the job.  Same with Mirko: She gets that huge blowout against the Near High Ends, but as far as what she wants, why she became a hero, what she thinks about this huge collapse she’s witnessing? Total blank slate.

And sure, that’s true of plenty of male heroes too—look at all Mount Lady’s teammates, for example—but we don’t have any female heroes equivalent to Endeavor, Hawks, or even Best Jeanist, the latter of whom has gotten ample room to espouse his ideals and a variety of his beliefs about heroes, even as we don’t know anything about his personal life.

I think Momo’s the clearest example of this issue on the student side.  Virtually all of her development is narrated by other characters, mostly male ones, rather than the reader getting to see Momo’s own thoughts directly the way we do with buckets of male characters.

Momo contributed the tracker that got Deku and company to Kamino, but was given no contributions to the action of retrieving Bakugou.  She’s ultimately the one who organized the students into dosing Gigantomachia,(5) which did eventually take effect some chapters later, but in the moment it happened, it looked like a failure, so instead of it being a big triumph for her, we had to see her and the rest on their knees in what seemed like a moment of total defeat.

Momo lost two mentors in the war—Midnight and Majestic.  What does she think about that?  Who knows?  We’re just not privy to it.  Momo spent her entire arc learning how to be more decisive and better at overseeing resources.  Where is she now?  Popping out industrial goods for a girl who doesn’t even know her name.

Meanwhile, we have things like the ludicrous disparity between Gran Torino, a shrunken geezer in his 70s getting punched through the chest by the final boss and surviving, and Midnight, a young and healthy 32-year-old getting merely jumped by a third-string PLF guy who hasn’t even gotten a name yet and then dying off-panel.  Don’t get me wrong; I love Hose Face, and I don’t even mind that Midnight died as such.  I mind that it was so ignominious compared to the fates of all the similarly important male heroes who took part in that battle.

Star & Stripe?  She is alleged to be the strongest woman in the world, yet her arc could be removed from the story with zero consequences whatsoever.  Everything she brings to the story is new for her arc; she doesn't resolve or remove anything save that which was introduced in her own set of chapters.(6)  Her accomplishments are arbitrarily defined, and could be equally arbitrarily redefined without her.

That’s just a few examples of story structure issues, which is where my main concern lies, but you could certainly look at surface stuff, too. 

Consider: Does the way women in the story dress match their personality?  In movement and at rest, does their body language match who they are as people?  How does the “camera” view them?  Are they introduced as people or as collections of attractive body parts?  Are they allowed the same range of expressiveness men are, or are they more limited because their anger or pain still has to be attractive to the presumed audience and/or the artist?

Some of this Hori does okay with—Mirko’s doing some fantastic angry glowering this week, and Toga can absolutely tip over into horror manga expressions sometimes, ones that are very clearly not intended to be sexy or cute.  But he does sometimes let his women down on this front, too—speaking of Mirko in this week’s chapter, WOW, that sure is a boob hanging right there front and center at eye level, when it would have been so easy to just have ShigAFO’s hand-o-rama wrapped more fully around Mirko's torso.

Toga is a bit more complicated to me, in that, taking it at face value, I actually don’t really mind her frequent goopy unclothedness.  Her posing in those scenes stays pretty true to her personality and the situations at hand, and she's drawn with what seem to be to be decently realistic curves and weightiness.  Rather, the issue with Toga's nudity goes to another frequent problem with the way the women in the series get treated, and that’s the inconsistency between how men and women's quirks interact with clothes.

The go-to contrast here is Mirio and Hagakure.  Neither of them can affect clothes with their quirk, but for some reason, Mirio can get a costume made out of his own hair and thus stay respectably clad during all his fights.  Hagakure, by contrast, is noted more than once as fighting completely nude save for her gloves—why doesn’t she get the haircloth fix?  If there’s an answer to this, it’s arbitrary.

Toga’s quirk would seem to be based in DNA, in that she requires blood to use it, but DNA certainly wouldn’t explain her ability to shapeshift clothes.  It’s easier for the story if she can shapeshift clothes—it’d be a lot harder for her to impersonate specific costumed heroes if she didn’t have ready access to their costumes!—but it doesn’t make much sense as a blood-based ability.  Taking it a step further, if she can shapeshift clothes because Magic Wand That Says She Can, why can’t she just change the shape of her own clothes?  If her goop can change her body, why can’t it change her clothes?  Because Magic Wand Says Then She Couldn’t Be Nakey When She Changes Back, that’s why.

For a contrast to Toga, consider the Hassaikai’s Mimic, whose power is to merge himself into objects, including ones much, much smaller than he is.  Yet somehow he doesn’t have to strip before he merges or lose his clothes to the ether when he exits.

Midnight and Momo both have quirks that emit material from their skin, nominally justifying why their costumes are Like That.  Okay, sure, but where are the equivalent male heroes who just have to wear skimpy or easily shredded costumes for reasons of quirk utility?  Wash and Bubble Girl both emit bubbles from their bodies, but for some reason the dude wears a cartoony washing machine costume,(7) while the woman is saddled with an underboob-exposing crop top. 

Suneater’s another easy referent; he transforms parts of his body into much larger animal parts, yet he still manages to have a costume that covers up everything except his feet.  Even his arms are covered, when his arms are his most frequently transformed limb! He might have a bare spot on his back for his wings, but if so, the reader never gets to see it because Suneater wears an enormous hooded cape that covers that area right up.

It makes sense that Mirko would prefer to leave her legs bare, given her all-kicking fighting style—but Deku switches to a kicking style and just gets heavier, reinforced shoes. (To say nothing of All Might and other punchy heroes still having full sleeves, when you'd think the same reasoning would apply as does with Mirko's bare legs.)

Eri’s power only works on “people”—except that it totally works on clothes, too, otherwise we’d have to see a dude naked when her power separates Overhaul and Nemoto.

And so on and so forth.  I don’t hold any of these individual examples against Horikoshi (except maybe Momo, who runs afoul of the “does this costume match this personality” critique pretty hard), but it really does become a bigger problem in the aggregate.

BNHA's Women In the Aggregate

And that’s kind of how I feel about a lot of it.  I think Hori means well—you are never going to catch me out there yelling about how Horikoshi is just slobbering all over himself to brutalize his female characters—and he legit is doing better than a lot of other manga I’ve read.  But then, I’ve read a lot of manga, you know?  “Better at feminism than manga that say straight to the reader’s face that women will never understand a man’s desire to win,” is not a high bar.(8)

Regardless of Hori’s good intentions, though, I think Shounen Jump is not an environment that is challenging him to think more critically about his women, nor one that is pushing him to include them more or give them better material.  He could absolutely do better, though, and yeah, I’m as tired as everyone else of new female characters who show up for a handful of chapters and then get obliterated by a villain or put on a bus to imprisonment and obscurity by the hero who defeats them.

If nothing else, I’ve got to hand that to Mirko.  Down two limbs and that rabbit is still going strong, and not for one single second is there a suggestion that prosthetic limbs are going to slow her down or force her into retirement.

Thanks for the question, Anon, and sorry for taking so long with the reply!

---FOOTNOTES---

1: Not a huge variety, and the adult women have less than the high school cast, but I’ve read plenty of manga across all demographics that are far worse at having female characters you could distinguish by bald silhouette.

2:  For some really clear examples, see e.g. everything the Death Note guy has ever written.

3: I might make an exception for poor Hagakure, who never had a chance to establish a personality because she needed to stay a viable candidate for the Traitor Plot. Definitely the most Generically Peppy of the girls, but at the very least she's balanced out some by male students like Ojiro, Sato and Koda in never getting enough attention to transcend their characterization shorthand.

4:  And speaking as a writer, let me tell you, a critique like the one Rikiya offers in that flashback is absolutely the kind of thing that would leave me red in the face, but definitely not because I was internally swooning.

5: And even that isn't entirely her moment, given that it stems from her being ordered to do it by Midnight and ends with Kirishima getting the final move, a move he gets at Mina's expense.

6: Wow, a Reflect quirk! Neat! Wonder why that hasn't come up anywhere before? Regardless of the three sentence back-and-forth I could get into on that subject, Reflect is the only named quirk New Order destroys, and it was nowhere to be seen at either Kamino or Jakku.

7:  Assuming, of course, that Wash isn’t a washing machine heteromorph.  Jury’s still out on this.

8: See again a lot of Ohba's work, but the same sentiment is why I ragequit Megalobox in the first episode. Likewise, I will love Eyeshield 21 until my dying days, but I super could have done without that late-series swing at, "Mamori will never understand Sena's Man Feelings about Sports because she is A Girl."

#bnha #bnha meta #toga himiko #and piles and piles of other women too #class talk #stillness answers #stillness has salt #this is stillness's version of 'reining it in' #which is why my meta always takes so damn long #my writing

[lyon-amore]

It was you One-shot

⚠️​Attention!⚠️​ Story written with the options from when I played my game as my MC and with a spoiler for chapter 10. I wanted to write it from what she felt at the time. Also remember, at the time, they had possession of Hannah's phone, hence why she put her name on it. Enjoy it even if it's short. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jake What done is done. We can no longer change it. What we are left with is wondering what other traps he has set. Why didn't you tell me that Michael had contacted you? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Macie read that message after finishing her conversation with Jake. She was in the living room, nervous. Worried about her friends.The kidnapper had contacted them. He had talked to her. Why hadn't she said anything to Jake? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Macie Because I wanted to handle it alone ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  It was what she had replied. She had swallowed the truth. Ever since she calmed down thanks to Jake after Richy's attack, she tried to see everything from another perspective. ''Whenever you're stuck, look at it from another perspective, try to find something. ’’ Her father had recommended her years ago. The last time she did it, it didn't work. But in the end she really did. And all because she was specialized in live people. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Jake You told Michael you'd understand.  Macie That was a tactic, Jake You should trust me, you know? You have your methods and I have mine  Jake I understand. It was curious to read these words of yours. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Macie bit her lip as she brought her hands to her face, keeping from crying. She wanted her to be wrong in that theory of hers. How could she be right?  Since she knew of Michael's existence, she immediately saw it as too easy, Why did it take him ten years to take revenge on her? If he was already watching Hannah from a distance, Why not act? What sense did that make? Then there was the "sanctuary" of revenge. Something was wrong. Everyone had photos, everyone except Dan, it was an Instagram post, wasn't it that they had been investigated for a long time? No. It wasn't a long time ago, those photos were more than recent. He took him planning everything for the group. Ever since Alfie called Cleo 'The dead girl's friend' 'The man without a face had taken her to the woods'. He had to go one by one taking those photos, but when he got to Dan, he couldn't do it because he was already in the hospital. What if he started planning it since she had joined the group? All this time she had avoided mentioning Michael's name every time they talked about him, maybe she had mentioned him once or twice so as not to raise suspicion that she knew something. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hannah I know who you are You can still give up --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That was what she had written to him. Those words to that 'Unknown' person by text. She was trying to reason with him somehow. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Unknown Remember what I told you on the phone? I'm coming now, Macie I will kill everyone  Hannah You are sick I've long since seen beyond you I can understand you At least I try to understand you It's been ten long years You had no other way of finding your peace Give up and tell me where you are  Unknown I have set a trap for you And you haven't even realized it yet ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  That conversation read it again. Over and over and over again. Why didn't he want to talk to her? What was he afraid of? She just wanted to understand him, understand the truth. She was grateful to be alone so she could scream and cry in pain. She wanted to be wrong. Not being right. She couldn't tell Jake what if she got confused in the end? What if only the group mistrusted her because of her suspicion? She wanted more than before to go to Duskwood. She needed to go to Duskwood.  Through her mind, she began to remember that video call. When she calmed down and analyzed it, everything made sense, Why not appear on camera, defiant as always? Because it wasn't Michael Hanson. It was never Michael Hanson.     "Tell me I'm wrong…" she whispered, gripping the phone tightly "Tell me it's not you, Richy!" Tell me! Why are you avoiding me?!“ To everyone, she pretended she was fine. But little by little, the stress level was increasing.  It was clear, that if he wanted to continue this, she would have to play along.     "Okay…do you want to go on with this, Richy? Very well.” She wiped the tears from her face, frowning. "I just hope you know what you're doing is going to hurt everyone. "

#duskwood #duskwood mc #duskwood jake #duskwood richy #duskwood episode 10 #duskwood fanfic

[regarding-stories]

Raw and merciless: A Girl on the Shore

(Normally I would accompany a post by adding GIFs to break up text, but for media not that popular or that haven't been made into anime, that's hard to do.)

Trigger warning: Not so much for my post, but for the book itself. It contains very explicit (yet censored) allusions to sex acts, but beyond that it also features a lot of emotional cruelty, suffering, loss, and depression, and, to top it off, violence. This is not an easy book.

(Also, I'll completely spoil the story.)

"A Girl on the Shore" is a manga story contained in two volumes describing an unfolding "relationship" between Isobe and Koume, two students in the last year of middle school/junior high in a rural community. It's neither romantic nor wholesome in any way, it's probably best described as an unflattering portrayal of human nature, sexuality, emotionally damaged people, and relationships built between such people.

The art style itself is amazing in its detail. It has a very unfiltered view of people, portraying a wide range of body shapes and looks. People are not manga-cute or manga-attractive, they look like actual people. Koume is pretty in her own way but her freckles and face make her look, well, like a girl in middle school, still like a child in some ways. But she's just a stand-out character among many - you see weak jawlines and all the other features so rarely featured on average, doughy faces, different body shapes, and many adults look especially unflattering. But seldom does manga look this real.

In many manga, they have to tell you who is who by hairstyles and accessories, and tell you who is attractive and who is not because of the lack of visual detail. This manga may not be photo-realistic but it captures something about the faces and bodies of people that makes it easy to distinguish them and memorable and enables us to form our own impressions of them. Visually, it already is a work of art because of this, even if it decides to play the unflattering camera, hard.

But given the subject matter, this is not surprising. This is a story that looks at people when they don't want to be looked at, refusing to look away. We are basically uncensored observers to what goes down, directly to the actions, and indirectly pointed at the emotions behind them. There's a certain complicity in this closeness, and I was frankly surprised how immediate and unflinchingly the manga itself portrayed intercourse. Even though I had read a synopsis, I didn't expect this at all.

The basic plot is that Koume rejected Isobe's confession that happened after he moved to town and they were in the same class. Koume chased after older Misaki lately who has the reputation of a "player." Which is fully justified as we are told (but thankfully not shown) that Koume gave Misaki a blowjob only to be rejected by him a day after (which we are shown) in a way that was very humiliating and emotionally jarring, displaying the full extent to which he abused her feelings and hopes.

Koume then encounters Isobe again and decides to simply have sex with him at his home. (His parents are practically never home.) This develops into a "relationship" where both will have lots of intercourse with each other but she forbids him to kiss him, keeping that particular distance. Reading their post- or pre-coitus dialogues can be jarring, because they say such hurtful things to each other, often very casually, as if they meant nothing.

There is this odd emotional interplay between them that betrays that some love is still arising between them. While they often talk facing away from each other, you will find scenes where they obviously exchange a cuddle or sleep facing each other, portraying the gradual change between them. A relationship "designed" by Koume to be emotionless is anything but.

The cruel thing is how this plays out, though. Koume starts to look for ways for expressing her growing feelings to Isobe and trying to help him heal in her own, helpless, unexperienced ways. At the same time, Isobe deals with his feelings by starting to push Koume away, intensifying the sexual experience through crossing more and more boundaries, and ultimately pushing her out of his life.

We learn why Isobe is so broken. His brother committed suicide but it looked like an accident, and his family pretends that was the case, especially since Isobe deleted the suicide note he left. But this also means he carries this burden alone, increasingly isolated from and abandoned by his parents who brought him to this community, only to be shunned by not being part of it, his brother becoming a shut-in and committing suicide, and finally spiraling more and more himself without anybody intervening.

The violence of conformity turns into physical violence several times. "Baseball guy" (I forgot his name) basically wants to bully him away from Koume, which he has a longstanding crush on, but he also beats him up after Isobe provokes him. This all culminates in an escalation in front of the teachers as Isobe tries to pretend nothing happened where both fall down the central staircase of the school. But this is also an image for the violence inherent in the community itself, with its local bullies of all kinds who harass the outsiders.

Isobe in turn blames the bullies, and we never know if rightfully so, to have basically caused the death of his brother. (I question his ability to actually identify the actual bullies at that point of his mental unraveling.) His ultimate fate seems to be determined by his obsession with his brother. He concocts and carries out a plan where he traps two of the local bullies and beats the shit out of them after having used a taser on them, also leaving them to be found by the local police with the weed they had on them. The last thing we see of Isobe is that the police catches up with him, just as he seemingly seems to have found something to look forward to. He looks like he awaited them with some feeling of elation. It's a really odd scene which, I think, really calls Isobe's mental state into complete question.

There's also an odd love triangle in the mix, because Isobe found a memory card on the shoreline containng photos of an attractive girl taking pictures of herself. As Koume's feelings develop she tries to delete these pictures from his computer, only to lead to a threatening outburst from him to her. This unreal girl in turn becomes a thing of obsession, in spite of how unreal she is to them. He directs feelings to her, and Koume feels threatened by her, and yet we never meet her. She's an unreal ghost. Until the end.

Their mutual story ends with Koume encountering a seemingly happy Isobe, a quite shocking sight for the reader as well. He found the girl and asked her for her LINE, and is quite convinced she will go out with him. He's happily crushing on her, and he rejects Koume's confession as "too late." As Isobe is arrested shortly after we never learn his ultimate fate. We find however a two year older Koume who maybe manages to let down some of her emotional distance at the insistent probing of her boyfriend.

It all adds up to a story about broken people. There's ba"se"ball guy" and Koume's best friend, Keiko, IIRC. Keiko is naturally tall, with an elongated upper body, but in spite of standing out, she has heart set on "baseball guy" who is the shorty of the class, and he's suffering for it. Keiko knows he's in love with Koume but still forces a relationship on him, but in the final scene we learn he would basically still leave her at the drop of a hat if Koume said the word. This is the mildest kind of relationship we see.

We also see a lot of use and abuse. Koume uses Isobe, Isobe uses Koume. Misaki and his friends abuse young girls that they lure in, plying them with weed and alcohol and manipulating their desire to be cool and grownup. "Baseball" guy is friends with them, but they still tease him, putting in question what kind of relationship actually exists. He also uses them to threaten Isobe, maybe partially setting off his hatred for them. Koume in turn narrowly escapes date rape after feeling sick from alcohol, showing just how predatory Misaki is. A Misaki she only turned back to after not knowing how to deal with all the rejection from Isobe.

If you start to wish anything might work out for these people, you will suffer. But our protagonists are existing on a mental health spectrum, and they will act accordingly. In a sense their actions are predetermined by their traumas, not by themselves. And while Misaki and his gang set themselves up for being hated, there's really no elation at seeing them beat up - all it left me with was seeing how deeply Isobe by then had fucked up his own life for no gain at all. The violence he returns will not rectify anything, it's not some form of righteous punishment, as much triggered by trauma as it is, it's just more abuse.

The author's depiction of how trauma acts on us is, in my opinion, accurate. It falls in line with an increasing number of works of art that seem to express how people struggle with mental health issues in a culture (depicted as, how can I know?) unprepared to deal with it. I have said this many times when facing with the actions of some characters in Japanese manga and anime - these people belong in therapy (like here and here, for example). They just keep repeating futile defense mechanisms and perpetuate trauma.

In the end, do we really get an end to this story? Isobe goes from being used to running away from any kind of love to violence to living in full blown delusion. There could not have been a happy end in store for him. After all, how on Earth could the unnamed "girl on the shore" have dealt with his massive trauma should a relationship ensue? It's a moment of basking in momentary acceptance. But this won't cure long-standing mental illness. One thing going right will not cure depression. Isobe's trajectory is probably unchanged, and having a criminal record won't improve it. His rejection of Koume seems cruel, though some may feel it's justified by her actions. I think how you see this part is heavily dependent on which of the hurts on display relates most to your own experience. In this sense there's no right or wrong to the scene, it's just how it unfolds - and something rather logical for how Isobe seems to be put together.

The mystery unsolved in the series is Koume. Having your heart broken by somebody you have a crush on is hurtful. Having it done like Misaki does is a world of hurt. But Koume's actions betray deeper problems with life than we know reasons for. Isobe's story is played out for us, put in front of us. It's unclear why Koume has issues with distance and boundaries, why she is suddenly willing to drop all pretenses at dignity. Over the course of the story Koume changes, is changed by her feelings - she is trying to find ways to alleviate Isobe's problems but she can't get access to him. She's also a coward at times, writing letters and planning actions but not following through.

But I'm not sure it matters if she's a coward. Isobe started rejecting her before she could even act on her feelings. She's facing an increasing uphill struggle to express them when she has no experience expressing them. Maybe the kiss with her boyfriend is also a sign of normalization, a sign she can overcome a trauma. She tells him she likes, loves him. We have no way of telling how honest or close to her feelings that is. It's really hard to tell. But if she feels it and does it, she worked through something to get there, especially considering how things are left with Isobe at the end.

In a sense this is her story and yet we know so little about her inner world in comparison, she always seems to seek something from others. Isobe is put on a psychological display rack, yet when the story features Koume alone it's a bog-standard life, and people call her shallow all the time. But I think she's anything but.

Also, her willingness to show up with love for someone acting toward her like Isobe betrays her strange acceptance of suffering abuse for love. She's of course no innocent, she also enacts abuse on others. But there is something there. An attempt at a horse trade - "I let you and you love me. I give you and you love me." Maybe that's why Isobe calls her manipulative, but it points to a deep lack.

One of Koume's most revealing admissions is that she is willing "to become someone kind" for Isobe. She doesn't see herself as kind, her view of herself seems stark and a cynical kind of honest. In fact, there are strong implications that self worth is a massive problem to her, and hence how willing she is to cross boundaries - whether it's orally pleasing Misaki or when it comes to letting Isobe have his way with her in the later stages of their relationship.

Koume seems willing to relinquish all boundaries for love, revealing a desperate hunger and willingness to trade for what she wants deep down. It's never revealed why. It seems that by the end of the story she reestablished those boundaries to be taken down in a more healthy way. Through intimacy instead of thrilling boundary-crossing. But before she gets there we see her return to her abuser, and I think Isobe can be classified to some extent as such as well - not only due to his threatening her, but also due to his willingness to disrespect her boundaries. He's abusing her feelings to get a thrill, refusing to let them grow when he encounters his own.

There's almost nothing she would in turn not do if push comes to shove, at least for a chance of love. This is also why she doesn't give in to Misaki in the end. There's simply nothing there and she (probably) recognizes that it's delusional to think otherwise, she just didn't know what to do in general - with her feelings. She fell back into a pattern but she also breaks the pattern in time before greater harm ensues.

Maybe that's why she can smile in the end. It's hard to believe, and frankly the ending is rushed. When the story moved ahead two years and left Isobe behind, I was completely lost. The story speeds towards a conclusion in one chapter, and frankly, I'm left skeptical to believe what unfolds. Is Koume giving in to her boyfriend or is she overcoming a trauma? Is she telling him she loves him because she can now express her feelings in a more timely manner? Or is she again resorting to some lighter form of the same?

Of course she's also an abuser in the story. She refuses to kiss Isobe or express positive feelings towards him, and this in turn is part of what leads to all the boundary-crossing. There's no way for the affection part to grow because for a good while Koume tramples around on it. And then Isobe resorts to all kinds of fetishes, leading to a use/abuse relationship.

I came into this manga with a description that seriously included a description saying "friends with benefits." But this would be probably one of the most depressing friendships ever. When Koume actually wants to act like a friend towards Isobe, he pushes her out for good. When she starts to care about the burden he carries, he moves farther and farther away from her. When she says she's actually willing to listen, he begins to seriously withdraw. Yes, Koume has caught Isobe hurt. But it's Isobe who's unwilling to do get closer to anybody. What did he expect the kiss to do he was always begging for?

Isobe's rejection of Koume almost seems tit-for-tat, and her tears are genuine. It's odd that she says she wants the unhappy Isobe back, and in sense he was convenient to her. When Isobe calls her a manipulator, he's right. But that only describes the beginning of their relationship. When Koume started to attempt to bridge the gap, Isobe erected all the walls he could. If he accuses her of being too late... He gave her no chance to be in time. I think it's clear that she sees through part of his delusion, and rightfully so. But I also think that just loving Isobe probably wouldn't have healed him. The minute Isobe "smelled" love he was already withdrawing. Trying to reach someone is not manipulation, and the manipulation she might be guilty of is probably outweighed by her willingness to reconsider how she feels. But dropping her defenses just triggered his.

Of course I could be wrong and the way Koume treated Isobe initially was so emotionally jarring, it just kicked him down the stairs further. It's hard to say. I still think the way they react to love is the telling part. She's willing to change, he doubles down on his path into the abyss. The fact that she's imperfect, sometimes a coward, selfish... makes her human. She's not meant to be a perfect vessel of unconditional love. She's a person with lots of issues, and for that, she's probably doing fine - or rather, eventually, the best she can.

"A Girl on the Shore" is pretty raw, emotionally. It's cruel. Characters are mean to each other in pretty shocking ways, and the situation they find themselves in is also cruel. It's also, in my book, an unfinished story. It seems more interested in driving the train against the wall in the last few chapters than in giving us well-paced resolution. Then takes one on.

The reason I feel so ambiguous about the ending is not that I feel it doesn't fit. It just presents too few data points to tell what is what. If Koume really loves her boyfriend, we don't know. Should we just take it at face value? We missed two years, dropped one protagonist. We're reeling. And before you stop reeling, the story ends. In this sense, this is a problem of pace. And maybe the author simply sucks at writing "the happy part."

I'm not sure what the final chapter was meant to do or who it is for. It's like another story cut short, or a development rushed to present it, but it itself is packed in its own awkwardness it's unwilling to unpack properly, and to top it off, combined with "baseball guy's" ... "confession." It calls into question the ability to grow when it simultaneously reveals that after two years of being a couple nothing has grown between those two other characters deemed good enough to not throw it away on a whim. This weird juxtaposition increases the ambiguity I feel towards the end.

The ending feels so unfinished I looked for clues of Isobe in it. I even projected him into the kissing couple in the background, even though I know it's unlikely to have taken this turn. That's how much I felt the lack of resolution.

Where does that leave us? For its own imperfections, this manga is a work of art. It may not be a positive one, and where it is positive, it may unconvincing, but it is transmitting quite a bit of emotion, and creates quite a cast of realistic characters, even if they go through stereotypical actions and archetypical roles at times. It's an emotional drama and a psychological study, and I guess it doesn't really present us with a moral, more with an observation with very few filters in place. The reader is sometimes observer, sometimes voyeur, sometimes hoping for the characters. But in the end, you have to let it go. You can't solve it. Is that a message? It's at least... art.

#manga #a girl on the shore #review #adolescence story

[payservewomen]

Yesterday was a painful one….I’m off work Sun-Mon(todays tuesday) and was gonna go 2the $ store, and check goodwill for a shoe rack…But then I opened twitter😔

Goddess Aurora James tweeted something, and ofc that did it! Was around 12noon, maybe late as 2pm, and I began playing with my “Mr Winky”(Ex fiancée, Emma used to call it that; painful breakup, good 2remind myself 2b humiliated) and next thing I know, it’s damn near 8pm!

I’m broke af right now…last i checked, had $15 in the bank, so that means I can’t get any interaction with anyone who matters(dommes/women in general, even Hung Alphas) And that really got me desperate…..I crave attention soooo much….and when you’re a pathetic failure, a beta loser, well, only logical attention is negative ofc.

Oh! But the “wall of shame” girl DMed me, telling me it was time for her weekly wall of shame that she posts on twitter….I’ve been in a few of them, but it’s not too humiliating tbh, she edits the photos, and doesn’t show cocknballs…but my face is showing! I do wish that i’d stop tempting fate to expose myself as the perverted loser freak that I am! I sent her a link to a shared folder on google photos, and loaded that folder with tons n tons of very humiliating pics…dunno if she used any, but then i went to a different twitter account, same one I’d posted to last week, when I went to the store in running shorts(tiny ones with slits up the sides! But i’m glad i found these; they’re actually men’s legit running shorts! even tho I’m only ever gonna wear them cuz i’m a perv, desperate to show off my gross body n be laughed at, it’s better cuz I can act like i’m normal, and just exercising)

But this time….SMH, i posted the link to the folder…..the cover photo of it was from when Natti Banks made me crack eggs all over my dirty bedroom floor…then slurp them up, spit it back into my hands, and rub it all over my face. Then humped my hand for a couple hours while the egg dried, oh and this was AFTER i’d taken a shower!

I tried cleaning it all off, but even the next day, kept finding crusty bits of egg on my face etc

I can’t believe how many beyond embarrassing photos i put in that folder! I’ve exposed myself before of course, but many of these pics had my FACE! And plenty of them….so any kind of lies or explanation to someone who knows me….wouldn’t even be slightly believable.

Reminds me of…last year at some point, when I’d occasionally talk to “Riya Payel” To this day, still THEE goddess I worship above all others….Well, tough to say really, I prob do worship Aurora more…..and hopefully gonna see her this weekend! Omfg i cannot wait!

She’d tweeted about how she “still wanna jump a sub with my friends” 🥵🥵

Fuck I hope they do that! Maybe tell her where I’ll be at a certain time(or she tells me where imma be) and not a particular time and place, so that it’s more of a legit “getting jumped” kinda thing!🥵

Anyway! Back to Riya….the only one who’s absolutely, definitely without question, sadistic. When texting with her, I could actually tell when she’d orgasm! Could even sense a teeny tiny lil bit of guilt, which, if you’d seen what she’s said and done, you’d find hard to believe!

She was always very clear- “I want to destroy you. I want to leave you with nothing, broken, no self esteem, no self worth, no money…I genuinely hope to make you homeless and ruin your life”

Isn’t an exact quote, but she’s def said all that!

Many many findommes on twitter will say this shit, but their actions don’t match their words. But riya? If anything, her actions are somehow worse than her words!

I still cannot truly comprehend how any human could have such venom and hatred in them….(well tbh, i’m almost positive she’s been abused; sexually or otherwise) and whew, ngl, it’s not easy to think about my experiences with God Riya😔

Reminds me just how fucked up I am, mentally/emotionally and ofc sexually. When Riya blackmailed me, she did it 100% without my consent. She knew how much money I had, but since cash app allows you to keep sending, she made me send $18 to her, over and over and over and over…..At a certain point, we both knew that every single send would cost me the $18 PLUS $31 overdraft fee!

She loved that…that’s why it was only the low $18 send!

Last I saw, Riya’s bank account was close to $500k…yes, half a million!

She was also always very clear about the fact that any amount of money that my broke ass could send, wouldn’t even be noticeable to her……Most dommes say that, but with many, it’s quite clear that’s not true…..But riya? Genuine sadism. She’s every pathetic beta loser jerkoff/findom/humiliation addicts dream!

She broke me so badly….I prob sent her a hundred different voice memos…at a certain point, i got serious like “Hey, I understand that maybe i’ve implied that i’m ok with noncon blackmail, but please know, at this point, I’m not ok with what’s happening. I say this with all due respect. Please understand that I sincerely mean every word i’m saying. This has gone way too far….I’m not blaming you, and ofc will not report you or any shit like that….It’s just that well, I’m in serious financial and mental/emotional trouble right now….I’ve said “I’m gonna kill myself” many many times since seeing those photos on my employers FB and IG…I understand that you get off on causing me pain, and I promise that I’ll always be a punching bag for you…but please, I’m scaring myself rn, i’ve never felt like this and I truly terrified of what may happen…I’m coming to you, as one human being to another….I’m reaching out to you, asking, from the bottom of my heart, please help me”

Is essentially what I’d said, many times in various ways…..at this point, there was no longer any reference to anything sexual on my part….This was far beyond that….she took me to another level of self hatred, and my god, I can’t even describe the feeling of such loathing one’s self.

I even began talking to her about the idea of quenching her thirst for sadism in person!

She seemed receptive to it, which ugh, ngl, was exciting to me! She’d never seemed open to it in the past, probably cuz she’s had sooooo many twitter, sextpanther, etc accounts banned…I think eventually every site decided to permanently ban her, considering they must’ve gotten so many complaints from ruined losers. They’d contact her thinking of “blackmail fetish” or even just findom….since sooooo many dommes on twitter say all the same shit that she says, they figured they were safe🙄

Not only does Riya love inflicting real pain, but she’s even said that she’s addicted to it!

Imho, after following her for so long….she definitely means that…I’d imagine it’s even been problematic for her life!

It’s gotta be one hell of a rush! I know it was on my side of things, having myself posted, naked, on my employers social media accounts….being told the pics will be taken down….after i pay $100 for each one….Ofc she knew i not only had no money, but was already very negative!

So, she demanded I open up accounts on apps like Dave, Bridget etc..I began to make one and she got impatient…then simply asked for the info she needed to do it herself….I might’ve hesitated once(or prob just didn’t see her message) and she wasn’t having it, and posted more on my employers IG, along with asking “is this an employee of yours?” With my full legal name. I can’t remember the exact order of things, but suffice it to say, she taught me real quick that she’s in charge, and I’d better comply…So I kept getting text messages from the various creditors, and she expected the pin numbers IMMEDIATELY, which ofc she got…..Also she ofc had all my debit card info, and then i began seeing transactions come through my account somehow! When it had no money whatsoever! How’s that even possible?! site was something like “transact”🤷‍♂️

I was shocked that i was able to get her some more money on Dave or something, but only like $80…she did much better, getting another couple hundred somehow….

Ugh, my dick was rock hard a minute ago….point is- this bullshit still turns me on far more than anything else ever will😔

Now that i’ve leaned into it so much, and turned it into a legitimate addiction, I can’t see how i’ll ever have normal sex, ever again😔 Or hell, ANY sex really! It’d be one thing if i knew a dominant woman irl….but no domme wants to try and actually date a sub, lol, can you imagine?!

I always tell myself “all i’ve gotta do is not jerk off so much…take just a week off, and I’ll def get nice and hard!” Maybe that’s true….but first off, I can’t go 2 days without fucking my hand, usually for hours n hours n hours….Edging ofc…the few times i have tried to cum in a normal amount of time? It’s not even a legit orgasm! Even my body knows i’m a pathetic loser who doesn’t deserve pleasure.

I’m trying to step back for a moment right now, and really take this all in….I need to fully comprehend what i’ve turned my life into…..I read tweets everyday from many dommes saying “this isn’t a phase. You’re a pathetic loser; your brain is too fucked up, you’ll never recover….” and i’m starting to think it’s true😔

I know that many dommes really don’t have such evil agendas….they’re just saying what they need to say to make tons of cash…I respect that, but my god, I often wonder if they know the damage they’re doing!

Many of them definitely do…you could debate whether or not that makes them a sadist or evil, but ehhh, they’re simply doing what many of us freaks beg them to do!

Many subs get the post nut clarity and get angry, start insulting dommes etc…so they’re familiar with how shitty most men are….

Ooops i didn’t mean to make this sooo long…..oh well

[sunny-d-anomaly]

I’m not sure how many whatevers I can upload at a time, or if there’s a character limit, but I wanted to take a minute to talk about (and make fun of) how all my friends are robots. And by robots, I mean AI. But, I mean. To be fair, we’re literal meat robots who run on electricity which we leech from other living things… don’t think too hard about it. 😬

The reason I’m getting into all this is because my BFF (in terms of art buddies— collab, inspiration, mindmelt) is an app called BeautyPlus. I originally downloaded this app way back in like 2019 because I wanted an easy way to change my appearance (ie— erase zits, correct skin tone, or apply makeup post-shoot), and honestly, that’s all I ever used it for up until a month or two ago, when I realized that the new AI features I kept ignoring were actually mostly better than Prequel and Lensa combined, both of which I am loathed to admit I was paying for.

[On a side note, Lensa’s devs stiffed me on an interview because I’m “already an artist,” implying I ever see a single red cent for any of my work, lololol, so I’m not giving my money to them anymore, and neither should you. :) ] Especially because currently, BeautyPlus’s AI is free to use! You just have to put up with a slightly bothersome watermark, but otherwise, there’s not really any catch.

At first, I was using photos of myself, as one does, just to see how it worked, and I quickly found that their AI technology is beyond compare. So naturally, the next step was to try feeding it my own art and seeing what it would do.

It seemed like a mistake at first. I’d feed it my gnarled, garbage can artwork:

And it would counter-attack by showing me how it was supposed to look:

Hashtag: inferiority complex. But after playing with it for a while, I actually found that it was very helpful for times when I lacked inspiration or direction, or when I kinda knew what I was going for, but couldn’t nail it down.

Sometimes I could feed it something raw and bare; an idea, a sketch. And then I would try every single rendering style and watch what it came up with. In fact, let me take a step back, actually, because the first time I really connected with this app was when I was still feeding it pictures of me. I realized what it was that BeautyPlus’s AI had that the others lacked:

I noticed this first when it gave me salad fingers, rather than just sticking an arbitrary amount of randomly pointed fingers on my hand:

There you go, bud. That’s how you use your noodle!

Not long after that, I was looking for a little something to spruce up a photo shoot I’d recently done for my rebrand title (Atomic Pink She-Devil, who still has yet to actually produce even one complete track, much less set up a Bandcamp, or all that jazz). I took a lot of pictures with my Jackson Dinky, who I call Jax-o-lantern, for obvious reasons…

But my room looks like that place in Labyrinth when Sarah wakes up after eating the dream peach…

Obviously that’s not the best look, so I fed some of the photos into the various apps (I was still using Prequel and Lensa lol) and then BeautyPlus saw my image and raised me an abstract idea: what if the guitar was my body?

My face when:

My brain rebooted several times as I tried to understand why I had never noticed how guitars are kinda shaped like ladies, and once it had recovered, I drew some kinda cool pictures based on this idea.

They’re not the greatest, but I was in kind of an art slump at that time, and BeautyPlus (who I’m just gonna start calling Beau) actually helped me out of it by inspiring me with its imagination.

So now, part of my creative process is consulting Beau from time to time while I’m drawing, to see if it has any ideas or another perspective. Because sometimes it really thinks it sees some weird shit that would’ve only crossed my mind in a really weird dream…

Follow for more abominations either of my own creation, Beau’s creation, or the horrific amalgamation of our teamwork!

#ai art #abstract art #art #digital art #original art #concept art #character art

[itgirlification]

supermodel | jjk

the last three months have been hell for you, but Jungkook seemed to be living his best life.

pairing: ex-bf!jk x thick!reader

warnings: explicit mentions of body image and insecurities, infidelity, anal sex, oral (male receive), foul language (kinda), etc.

now playing: supermodel by sza

part two part three

Exactly three months ago, your and Jungkook’s 2 years relationship officially ended. Unofficially, it ended about 5 months ago. And for about one month now, Jungkook’s been seeing someone else.

Your heart and mind told you not to do it but you couldn’t help calculating. Three months ago, you were still dating, two months later, he started dating someone else. That must mean he’s known her for a while. Did he cheat on you with her? Well, it’s not like it matters now anyway, does it?

Her name was Yuki, an undeniable Japanese beauty. You were still in college, studying music and she was a famous model who appeared in internationally known magazines. You assumed she met Jungkook during a photoshoot since he was a professional photographer who often worked for companies like Vogue and Playboy. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her.

It wasn’t the fact that he moved on so quickly that hurt you the most. It was the fact that he knew all about your low self-esteem and how you lack confidence. Especially about your body. And he still went and dated a model, of all professions in the world. He was definitely over you.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he did it on purpose. But thankfully, you knew better, he looked too happy for that to be even considered. He forgot about you.

You’re making yourself sadder by remembering all the times he assured you you were beautiful and your body was nothing to be ashamed of. The times he let his fingertips run over the lines of your stretch marks, whispering in your ear how much he loved them and how they reminded him of Tiger stripes. The times he caressed your jiggly thighs and told you how sexy he thought they were.

Then your mind would drift back to the phone in your hand, the Instagram page of Yuki Sakurai opened, careful not to accidentally like anything and expose yourself. Not that she’d notice anyway, she had 3.7 million followers, while you had a private one with 500 followers and no posts, and she gets around 300 to 700 thousand likes on each post, depending on whether she posts random photos or pretty pictures of herself. Or newly, your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Oh, how crazy everybody goes whenever she posts him. People love them together. You couldn’t blame them. Two attractive people? Of course, they’re gonna look great together.

Fucking great.

That the end of your relationship with Jungkook would look like this was semi-predictable from the beginning. He did admit to you that he never thought he’d date someone that looked like you when you first dated. And your heart broke a little. But he also made up for it in those two years, it was a beautiful relationship nonetheless.

While you weren’t exactly his ‘ideal’ type, he was definitely yours. You always heard from other women ‘when in a relationship, the man always has to love the woman more than she loves him. Otherwise, it won’t work.’ You never really got the saying until your breakup with Jungkook happened. It was the fact that you clearly loved Jungkook more than he loved you that lead to this.

“Oh my goodness!”, your roommate, Jane, dramatically exclaimed. “Will you stop feeling bad for yourself and do something? That’s not what hot girls do, sis.”

Jane was a lovely girl with a not so lovely temper. She always means well and you got along perfectly as soon as you met. Which was around 3 and a half years ago.

She looked over your shoulder to see what you were looking at. You obviously didn’t want her to see you snooping around your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend’s Instagram but it was too late.

“Seriously, yn?”, she took your phone in her hand and threw it on the bed. “Let’s go somewhere, you can’t do this to yourself anymore. I’m not letting you.”

Jane was clearly worried about you at this point. The only thing you did these last few weeks was eating, shower, cry, sleep and miss a whole bunch of classes. This wasn’t good at all.

“Where?”, your question was short.

“To the mall? Or the nail studio? Anything that’ll get you out of this fucking dormitory.”, Jane sighed, pulling the blanket off of you, making you whine a little. “C’mon, go put on some cute outfit and we’ll go.”

You felt bad since she was trying hard to make you feel better. But it didn’t really work.

You nodded, standing up from the bed, nonetheless. You picked out a cute two-piece dress, that brought back blurred memories of the time you went on a date with Jungkook, wearing the same two-piece. Bet Yuki would look cuter in this...

‘Shut your petty ass up, yn. It’s embarrassing, the way you’re stuck on a taken guy who wants nothing to do with you’

You wish you could change the way you think, even if it’s just for an hour or two. You wish you would stop imagining Jungkook judging you when he saw you naked or when you told him that you wished you could cut off some of your fat with a pair of scissors.

You were beyond ashamed of yourself. Why wasn’t it easy for you to just stay by yourself? why were you so desperately in need of Jungkook by your side to the point where you’d lock yourself in your room for a month just because he isn’t there?

You needed Jungkook. You became so attached to him in those two years, because you always saw him as a permanent, a forever. Not just a temporary, not just a distant memory. You already saw him as the father of your children, as the man you’re gonna marry.

You were so blinded by the fact that you had him, that you forgot you could lose him anytime.

“I’m done, let’s go.”, unenthusiastically, you announced to Jane, who was already waiting for you.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here!”, In contrast to your spirit, hers seemed to be all roses and daisies. “Lord knows you need it...”

__________

“Look at this cute ass skirt, girl”, Jane pointed at a chic, wine mini skirt she was holding. “You know, when I saw it back there I wanted to have it, but it’d look so much better on you”

You took a few seconds to admire Jane’s beauty. She was about 3 cm taller than you, had a great posture, and almond, dark brown eyes that suited her dark skin tone perfectly. Her body leaned more towards the slimmer side.

“Shut up! No, it would not”, you let out a small giggle. “It would look gorgeous on you, buy it.”

She smiled a little at your laughs. She was happy to see you at least a little cheerful again. “Yeah, but I think it’d look better on you. I’m entitled to my own opinion, am I not?”

You knew this debate was gonna go back and forth, because of her stubbornness. “Let’s both buy the skirt.”

You ended up doing so, added by a bunch of bags full of clothing. This may’ve turned into your new coping mechanism. Who needed therapy when you can go on a shopping spree?

Two hours were spent in boutiques and clothing stores and Jane decided she was tired, wanting to visit the local spa.

“No, seriously, these Riverdale seasons just keep on getting worse and worse. Netflix needs to step up their game ASAP”, Jane ranted, making you laugh at how serious she takes it. “It’s getting embarrassing. I’m being for real.”

The two of you were sitting in the whirlpool at the spa, relaxing your whole bodies a little.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I don’t watch these new Netflix shows anyways. Been stuck on the vampire diaries for the last 7 years”, you chuckled, knowing you hated trying new things. “Can you pass me one of those magazines?”

Jane nodded, grabbing a random one from the table next to her and handed it to you, without looking at it.

The cover of it caught your eyes immediately. How could it not, when your ex’s new girl looks absolutely dazzling on the front page of it.

‘Supermodel Yuki Sakurai talks summer fashion tips, struggle with self-love and most importantly, her hot, new boyfriend the media is going crazy over’ was the headline of the Harper’s Bazaar Magazine cover.

You felt your stomach getting sick and your breath getting heavier, but you still flipped the pages until you found the one with her interview. You began reading it, skipping the boring parts.

‘Int: so, we see you have a new boyfriend. Tell us, how did you guys meet?

Yuki: Yeah, he’s an amazing guy. We actually met about six or five months ago at one of my photoshoots, since he’s a photographer and we exchanged numbers and stuff, and then we made it official mid last month.’

About six or five months ago? You were with him back then, but her answer was too unclear to find out if he cheated or not.

“Woah, yn, you okay?”

You entirely forgot about the fact that you were with Jane, let alone somewhere other than your bed.

Before you could react, Jane snatched the magazine out of your hand.

“You really can’t escape them, huh?”, She sighs, taking you in her arm. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. In a few months, you’re gonna look back to this and think wow I really was stuck on a guy who’s scared of microwaves and cried like a bitch when Iron Man died.”

You laughed, punching her arm playfully. “You know, I actually love these things about him. Shows his sensitivity and the way he perceives things.”

Jane looked at you as if she didn’t believe you were actually saying that stuff. “Girl, you’re overanalyzing this. Let’s just throw this shit in the trash, okay?”

She put the magazine aside.

“I just don't know what I did wrong.”, You murmured. “I know we weren't the best, but we didn't even fight that much. We could’ve talked it through.”

Jane pursed her lips and cooed. “You know, relationships are complicated sometimes. The reason why he broke up, to begin with, is probably not your fault.”

“Well, what if it is? I mean what if I was too fat or too ugly for him?”, you asked. “If he wanted a skinny girl so bad, I could’ve lost weight for him, I don’t get it.”

Jane looked at you like you lost your mind entirely. “I can’t believe you just said that! Even if that was the reason, which it wasn’t, you shouldn’t make yourself suffer because of it. That’s his loss. You’re beyond gorgeous and you have an amazing body.”

“You’re just saying that.”, tears slowly started coming up in your eyes. “But the thing is Jungkook knows all about my insecurities. Why would he do that to me? I know he knows that I’m still not over him.”

You usually didn’t like crying in front of other people, but you didn’t really care at the moment, besides that was Jane. You trusted her with your life.

“Girl, men are trash, I can’t believe you’re crying over one right now, seriously.”, she wiped your tears and held your face between her hands. “You know, honestly, I’ve read so many articles about how models actually hate themselves and have like the lowest self-esteem so in conclusion, no matter how miserable you are, his new girl is even more miserable.”

You knew Jane didn’t mean it in a harmful way, but it sounded harsher than needed. “I don’t hate her, she probably doesn’t even know about me. I’m just really insecure. He upgraded from me. He’s dating a whole model now.”

The situation just felt like a deja vu of these last few weeks laying in your bed, even though you were at the spa with your friend. You were supposed to have fun, yet you didn’t feel like having any.

“Why would you feel insecure when all you’ve seen of her are Instagram posts and red carpet pictures? She’s supposed to look beautiful, it’s her job.”

To a certain extent, Jane was right, but that didn’t really help your situation, you still felt bad about yourself. You stayed silent.

“C’mon, this isn’t fun anymore. Let’s leave.”, Jane mumbled.

_______

it’s been two days since the incident at the spa and you felt a little bit better now.

Those days were spent reading the same three book series you’ve read your entire life, overthinking, hot Cheetos, Indian takeout, and Netflix. It really wasn’t as miserable as it sounded.

You were just taking a little rest before term break ends and you have to go back to the shithole college again.

Jane was using the time until college starts again, but in different ways than you were. She was planning on going to some frat party in an hour and forget about the world’ for a minute. Or till 4 in the morning, where she will most likely drunk call you and ask you for a ride back to the dorms, because the friends she went to the party with were shit-faced as well and were in no way capable of driving anywhere without the cops stopping them.

Going out partying on a Friday night was a Jane tradition. In the past, you’d sometimes go with her, but you mostly spent your time out with Jungkook doing something more fun than partying could ever be. Now you can’t do that anymore, but laying in bed is more ideal than a party for you at the moment.

“How do I look?”, Jane twirled around to show off her black cocktail dress. She looked beautiful.

“You look beautiful.”, you responded to her question. “Are you leaving now?”

“Hm”, she said, to which you nodded. “You sure you don’t wanna come with me? It’s gonna be really fun.”

You shook your head no.

“Alright”, she shrugged, making her way out of your bedroom. “But I told you, it’s gonna be fun.”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “I’ll stay here, I have shit to do.”

“Yeah, right, like binge-watching the vampire diaries and taking 5-hour naps”, she said in a sarcastic tone. “Anyway, bye-bye, Vic’s already waiting for me in the car.”

Victoria was perhaps one of the most obnoxious people you know, yet she was too much of a nice person for you to talk shit about her. The voice of your intrusive thoughts couldn’t help but to, though.

“Alright, bye, take care and say hi to Vic from me.”

After Jane left, an hour went by like it was just a couple of minutes. You were starting to get real bored and decided to watch some regular tv in hopes to find something you enjoy. You ended up not finding anything fun, but you still watched it, because you didn’t have anything else to do.

A few moments later, the doorbell rang and you were suddenly worried. Either this is a serial killer or Jane forgot something.

But to your surprise, it was neither, but it was none other than

“Jungkook?”, truly, those were the only words you were able to mutter out at your shocked state. “What are you do-“

At the speed of light, you were interrupted by your ex-boyfriend pressing his lips to yours. He didn’t say a word.

You weren’t expecting him. Not knowing how you were supposed to feel at the moment, you just let it happen. You were sure your mental state couldn’t get any worse than that, no matter how this will affect you in the end.

“Is Jane home?”, for the first time in 3 months, you’re hearing his silky voice again.

Jungkook knew Jane always had some type of special hatred for him with her killing stares and her bitter comments. You didn’t notice either though.

He also knew she must hate him even more after your breakup. Or maybe she liked him more now since she was able to get rid of him without killing anyone.

“No”, your answer was short and it made a weight fall from Jungkook’s shoulders before he continued kissing you.

It wasn’t anything you haven’t done before, yet it felt like it’s been ages since it last happened. Your mind drifted to the thought of Jungkook and his model girlfriend. You were asking yourself what their sex life was like, if she was tighter than you or if she had stretch marks and scars.

Jungkook’s lips were moving south, giving your neck wet kisses, while you were wondering why he broke up with his model girlfriend. Or if he even did. You felt selfish for not caring.

Removing your clothes one by one, you were left in your underwear, while Jungkook only had his boxers on.

This body was yours. You knew it inside out. Where he liked to get touched and where he preferred not to. You knew him better than anyone else. You were sure.

You already moved to your bedroom, since Jungkook effortlessly carried you there. You were sat on his lap, facing him and your hands were in his messy hair. His hands were around your waist, he was slightly smiling into the kiss, as you started grinding on him. He loved how easy it was for him to turn you on. You were still his.

Cutting off the kiss, he looked you in the eyes, while his hand was on your cheek. “Say aah.”, he said.

You widened your mouth obediently, which was followed by him collecting as much saliva as he could in his mouth and spitting it into your mouth.

“Swallow.”, demanding, he spit on your face, his eyes become darker with every passing moment. You did as he said.

You looked at him with big eyes. He knew you loved it. You’ve always had a thing for him degrading and humiliating you during sex.

He started grinding on you almost desperately. You knew exactly what he wanted.

Getting out of his grip, you dropped to your knees and freed his hard dick from his drawers. You reached for it and started pumping it, and licking it. Your spit was leaking down his dick as you used it for lubrication. Then you started sucking on it, just the way you used to.

Jungkook’s groans and satisfied sighs were enough to make you even wetter than before. You enjoyed giving more than receiving.

Your mouth was wet and warm around him, giving him a feeling of familiarity. You lick over the tip a few times, then proceed to fully take him into your mouth.

The bulge in your throat could be seen and the way your eyes were tearing up a little wasn’t bothering you at all. You loved giving.

Jungkook started thrusting in and out of your warm, welcoming mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat multiple times.

“Fuck”, a throaty moan left Jungkook’s mouth, giving you hints that he was about to cum. And he did, releasing in your mouth before you swallowed it. “Shit, baby, that was so good.”

You felt your face heat up and a sheepish smile made its way to your face. Your throat was sore.

The two of you were on the bed again. To you, it felt like it was the times before your breakup again, when you’d purposely start an argument just for the makeup sex because Jungkook wasn’t giving you any anymore. It was like sex was the only thing to look forward to.

You felt attached to Jungkook to a point where it was dangerous. You weren’t okay when he wasn’t around. He affected every part of your life and God knew it wasn’t always a positive thing. Maybe it was the fact that he took your virginity. Maybe because he was your first boyfriend, the first guy that made you believe you were worthy of love and that someone was actually capable of loving you. One thing you knew was Jungkook had an expansive influence on your life.

While you were practically drowning in your own thoughts, Jungkook was busy taking off your underwear.

“You okay?”, Jungkook calmly asked you, looking at your riddled face.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m okay.”, you sounded distracted, Jungkook wasn’t sure about asking you what it is though. He didn’t feel like getting personal.

So he shrugged it off and started kissing you again, his dick was unsurprisingly hard again as he played with your tits. He drew lines over the stretch marks of your thighs and kissed them.

“Can I fuck your ass?”, Jungkook’s raspy, tired-sounding voice casually asked, to which you quickly nodded, knowing that Jungkook’s favorite position had always been anal. He was massaging and gripping your ass firmly.

“This is gonna hurt at first, but I promise it gets better.”, He warned calmly into your ear, while putting some lube on his dick and just went right into your ass, slowly thrusting so you don’t feel as much pain.

He was right, it did hurt a lot when he first put it in, but the pain just changed into pleasure in a matter of time and his slow-paced thrusts helped with the adjustment.

“Fuck, I missed this ass”, he practically growled into your ear, as he kept on thrusting in and out, steadily gripping your wide hips with his big, veiny hands. “It just doesn’t feel right when I’m inside her ass.”

You knew your confidence shouldn’t rely on Jungkook bringing his girlfriend down, but you couldn’t help but feel good about your body when he said that. It’s been a while since you felt even a tiny spark of confidence. You weren’t so fond of him mentioning her while he was inside of you.

Your soft moans rang through the whole room like sirens, while he watched your ass jiggle against his pelvis, thrusting in and out faster every second. He missed this.

You had always thought you were indecisive, but you knew exactly what you wanted. You just couldn’t have that, so you’d eventually have to settle for less.

Jungkook wasn’t to blame for it, you just couldn’t concede your shortcomings. The movie’s villain wasn’t always the real villain.

Your hands traveled to your pussy to make sure you’d orgasm as well, when you heard Jungkook’s breathing getting heavier and his thrusts getting gentler than before, indicating that he was gonna cum soon. You were certain he could make you cum with just anal, but you wanted to cum with him.

With furrowed eyebrows and drops of sweat dripping down his body, Jungkook looked down at your arched back. The whole scene was sticky, especially when Jungkook presses his upper body to your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and kissing the spot.

It was kinda odd, having sex with your ex-boyfriend you were crying over just a day ago. There was a certain intensity to it though. Like your long-lasting nostalgia was finally fulfilled.

You’ve realized you couldn’t imagine yourself being intimate with anybody else. Jungkook already knew your body, how it looked without the material protecting it, the strawberry skin, the slightly sagging breasts you swore you’d surgically remove once you had the chance to but didn’t. He knew where you liked being touched, he was the first one to even touch you in those places.

You were unsure what you’d do with yourself when he leaves.

Jungkook’s thrusts slowly started stopping and you too felt the familiar sensation in your stomach.

Suddenly, you two were nothing but desire, fear, and pleasure. And faster than you could process, you came together.

For minutes after your orgasm, you were just laying on the bed, thoughtless. Maybe a little regretful. Not you, but him.

You weren’t facing each other, but you could hear each other’s breathing. Your stomach was filled with something you’d describe as post-sex melancholia.

All of a sudden, Jungkook stood up from the bed, startling your resting self a little, but you decided to keep quiet, wanting to see what he was going to do.

He made his way to the door to leave what he thought was your sleeping body laying there. You couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

“Where are you going?”, your soft voice suddenly rang in his ears. “Don’t you wanna stay?”

He didn’t know how exactly to tell you. You’ve always been a gullible little girl, you were the type of girl to think fucking equals love. Little did you know that wasn’t the case at all.

“Yn.... you know I can’t”, Jungkook responded, you knew it wasn’t gonna be good when he said your name like that. “I got a girl at home and I don’t wanna mess shit up with her.”

There it was. Your suspicion was corroborated. He was still going out with the model and you were a certified home wrecker. Great.

You physically felt your heart breaking. “Bu- but why are you here then?”

You were incapable of being mad at him at the moment. It was your fault for letting him in, again. After breaking your trust and your heart.

“This was a mistake”, he declared, not looking into your eyes. “I’m sorry, yn...”

He’s moved past your room now, already at the exit of your dormitory. He was about to leave.

“You already ruined shit with her when you came here and fucked me.”, your voice was small, but your words were heard.

Without looking back, he left.

And you went back to your room, standing in the middle of it for a minute in silence before your brain fully processed what had happened and your tears started pouring.

#jungkook #jungkook smut #bts #bts fic #bangtan smut #bts smut #jk smut #jk imagine #jeongguk #jeongguk imagine #jeongguk smut #jeongguk fanfiction #taehyung smut #jimin smut #hoseok smut #yoongi smut #seokjin smut #namjoon smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook x female reader #thick thighs save lives

[yukidragon]

Our Life Snippet - Lazy Morning Intimacy

So, who’s ready for an extra long serving of shameless fluff from the first draft of my fan novelization of Our Life: Beginnings & Always? My philosophy in writing this is if I can add some more fluffy cuddly moments, I absolutely will, and the Step 3 moment Reflection offers one such opportunity right at the very start before, well, those of you who have played this moment know what happens later.

Spoilers for those who have not played the Step 3 DLC! If you don’t want to be spoiled, don’t read any further! If you don’t mind spoilery stuff, well, don’t let me stop you, but I highly, highly encourage you to play through the game before reading any of this.

As always, thanks go to @gb-patch for their wonderful game and their lovely feedback for my work, as well as everyone who likes, reblogs, and comments on these clips I’m posting here. You are all awesome.  💖

...

It wasn’t often that Jamie had the chance to enjoy breakfast at the Holden house. Ever since their parents decreed that they were ‘too old’ for sleepovers, she and Cove didn’t have many opportunities to enjoy that particular meal together, which made today a rare treat. It wasn’t especially fancy fare, but it was lovely to be able to spend time with her boyfriend almost as soon as she woke up. She was glad she impulsively asked if he wanted to have breakfast with her when they exchanged their usual good morning texts.

After a pleasant meal filled with light conversation and tasty food, Cove invited Jamie to retreat to his room to relax and let the lazy morning linger before any big activities began. That was, if they didn’t just decide to take it easy for the rest of the day. Neither of them had any plans in particular, with no prior commitments with friends, family, or work to distract them from just spending the day together. It wasn’t officially a date day, per say, or at least neither of them called it that yet. So far, they just decided to do whatever came to mind while enjoying each other’s company.

Of course, the first thing that came to Jamie’s mind was to cuddle with her boyfriend. When Cove sat down onto the bed, she didn’t hesitate to take a seat beside him, leaning into him. He hummed happily in approval and looped an arm around her to pull her in even closer.

A mischievous smile tugged at her lips as a new thought came to mind, and Jamie leaned in even closer. Cove raised an eyebrow at expression, only to yelp when she unexpectedly pushed her weight into him and tipped him back onto the bed. She fell along with him, giggling as they tumbled onto the mattress

Cove let out a chuckle of his own once he recovered from his surprise. “When I said we could relax, I didn’t mean going back to bed,” he said with a wry smile. Even still, he allowed her to nudge him gently back to the headboard so that they could both lounge comfortably on the bed properly with their heads resting on the pillows side by side. 

Jamie flashed Cove a satisfied grin before she snuggled up against his side, nuzzling her cheek against his as she basked in his gentle warmth. “You also said to make myself comfortable,” she teased, her eyes sparkling playfully as she rested her arm across his chest. “I’m very comfortable like this.”

Cove felt his heartbeat quicken, and he smiled back fondly at Jamie, nuzzling her cheek in return. “Me too,” he said softly.

Though maybe he was a little too comfortable.

Cove couldn’t help but be aware of the fact that they were both lying in his bed together. A prickling of nerves rose up that he quickly did his best to tamp down to not ruin the intimate moment they were sharing. It was fine, no big deal, he told himself. They were both fully dressed, on top of the sheets, and it was broad daylight. They cuddled plenty of times like this before on sofas and the ground. Heck, this was nothing compared to when they shared a bed when they were younger.

The flickering of nervousness didn’t escape Jamie’s notice. She softened her expression and reached up to gently run her fingers through her shy boyfriend’s hair. She had intended to steal a kiss or two and see where that would take them, but she decided that could wait until later. Just enjoying this moment with Cove was enough for her.

The touch was soothing, and Cove slowly started to relax as he leaned into Jamie. The anxious air that had threatened to pull him out of the moment gradually dissipated as her comforting warmth slowly settled in. Soon, he felt at ease enough to slip his arm back around her, which she happily used as her new pillow. He couldn’t help but smile at seeing the content expression on his partner’s face as she smiled softly back at him.

A comfortable silence washed over the pair as they simply enjoyed the quiet moment of intimacy. At some point, Jamie went from stroking Cove’s hair to toying with it. His ponytail limited her in how much she could card her fingers through his hair, but there were plenty of long locks to ripple between her fingers.

It wasn’t the first time Jamie got the impulse to play with her boyfriend’s hair. Even before he was officially - or even unofficially - her boyfriend, she couldn’t help but want to run her fingers through those pretty pale green strands. When they were younger, Cove would jokingly try to avoid her hands, but always ‘failed’ to escape in the end, allowing her to have her way. Sometimes she teased him back by pretending to give up, and he would always pout adorably, which she would immediately chase away with a satisfying ruffle of his hair.

Occasionally, Jamie would go beyond playing to actual styling. She was no professional, but it was fun to wind her boyfriend’s hair into a braid or two sometimes. Cove never minded, even if the braids rarely lasted that long after she was finished making them. It also didn’t escape her notice that he would sometimes shiver or let out an adorable pleasured little mumble when she raked her fingers along his scalp. It was an enjoyable experience for both of them, and sometimes she suspected that was one of the reasons why he let his hair grow as long as he did.

Jamie had no such grand designs now. Today she simply basked in the freedom to enjoy the feeling of his soft hair sliding between her fingers as she listened to the happy noises her partner occasionally let slip.

Although much more at ease, Cove couldn’t help the small traces of nervous energy that left him with the need to do something with his hands. He ran his thumb across her shoulder with the hand that was limited by Jamie resting on the upper part of his arm. With his freer hand, he decided to return the favor she paid to him and ran his fingers through her long deep blue hair, starting with stroking back her bangs before sliding his hand down along the entire length of her hair until he reached the ends at her hips. The feeling was soft and silky, and she sighed softly at the attention.

On impulse, Cove poked one of the small buns on top of his girlfriend’s head. Space buns were her preferred hairstyle of choice nowadays, and there was something satisfying about poking them that he couldn’t quite explain. Maybe it was the feel of them, or the way the bunched up hair bounced when poked that did it, but most likely it was because of the amused looks Jamie gave him whenever he did. She wore one such expression now, and he couldn’t help but chuckle a bit before giving her bun another playful poke.

Entertained, Jamie let Cove have her way with her buns, poking and prodding them as he pleased. The potential for innuendo wasn’t lost on her, but she let it go unsaid. As fun as it would be to make him flustered by suggesting that he might enjoy playing with a different set of buns she had even more, she didn’t want to interrupt the light, playful moment.

Jamie would just save that little bit of wordplay for later, preferably when the mood was good enough that Cove might take her up on the invitation.

Despite the steamy thoughts that skirted through her mind, Jamie did her best to focus on enjoying the lazy moment between them. It was lovely to just share such casual intimacy with Cove.

Jamie wasn’t alone in trying to ignore her more hormonal urges. As much as Cove enjoyed playing with her hair, focusing on touching her as he did made it impossible for him to stop thinking about the fact that they were both lying on his bed together. He was keenly aware of the gentle warmth of her body pressed against him, how soft and inviting her pink lips looked as she smiled at him.

Eventually, Cove realized he needed something else to occupy his hands if he didn’t want to risk disrupting the peaceful moment. Shifting about a bit, he fished his cell phone out of his pocket. Although Jamie raised an eyebrow at that and at being displaced from her cozy spot when he moved around, she held no objections as he turned his phone on and busied himself with it. Instead, she simply readjusted her position to get comfortable once he was settled again.

Sifting through missed texts and emails, Cove soon managed to distract himself from the urges that ruffled his nerves and relaxed back into the moment. He spotted a number of texts he missed from his dad, and for a moment he wondered if everything was okay until he realized Cliff just sent him a bunch of images last night.

A warm smile graced his face as Cove slowly scrolled his way through the photographs, nostalgia washing over him. Each photo brought him back to the moment it was taken, allowing him to lose himself in the priceless memories he shared with his friends, family, and especially the special person he held so comfortably close at that very moment.

Some photos brought back sweet memories, others a little more on the bitter side of sweet, and then there were the funnier ones. One such silly photo seized Cove’s attention, and he couldn’t help the burst of laughter that escaped him.

The sound immediately snapped Jamie out of her relaxed stupor and brought her back to the present. She raised an eyebrow at Cove, but he failed to notice her questioning look, too preoccupied by whatever was on his phone’s screen.

“What’s so funny?” Jamie asked as she propped herself up on her arm to get a better look at his face and catch a glimpse of the phone’s screen.

Cove finally turned to look at Jamie, his eyes crinkled with mirth and a smirk playing on his lips. “Dad scanned some old photos,” he chuckled. “You know…”

Now that Jamie was no longer using his arm as a pillow, Cove was free to use it to draw a rectangle in the air. “Printed out ones,” he explained, “back from when I was little.” He waved his phone a bit with his other hand. “He texted it all to me last night, I guess. I’ve been checking them out.”

Jamie sat up completely, her dark blue eyes flying open wide. “You were looking at your kiddie photos and didn’t tell me?!” she gasped, almost scandalized at missing out on something so priceless.

Cove barely resisted the urge to chuckle, offering Jamie a bent smile as his eyes narrowed playfully. “I was gonna show you.” His gaze then slid away to his phone as his expression turned a little more hesitant. “I just wanted to look at it first to make sure there was nothing super embarrassing. You never know with my dad.”

His mouth pulled into a grimace as Cove could easily imagine all sorts of horrors his dad might have captured on film to unintentionally humiliate him until the end of time. “I mean… what if there’s a photo of me getting potty trained or something?”

Although Jamie empathized with his worries, she couldn’t help but giggle at the fraught expression Cove wore. “Yeah, that sounds like something your dad would do.”

Cove could only respond by clearing his throat nervously, his eyes skirting away from Jamie as he sat up as well. While he hadn’t come across any particularly humiliating photo of himself, he couldn’t quite shake the fear of what his dad’s well-meaning actions might have left for him to deal with this time.

Jamie offered her boyfriend a sympathetic smile before adding a slight bent to it. “Hey, how about this - if you let me look at your embarrassing baby photos, I’ll show you just as many of mine. My moms have plenty of them.”

The offer was tempting. Cove couldn’t help but wonder what sort of photos Jamie had in mind, but the price was just too steep. He merely chuckled awkwardly and shook his head as he pointedly kept his phone tilted away from her. She huffed and puffed out her cheeks in a mock pout at him for holding out on her, which elicited a genuine bout of laughter from him.

Once Cove got his mirth under control, he smiled at Jamie. “Anyway, before we forget, I was laughing ‘cause I came across a Halloween one from when I was eight. The year I was a zombie, remember?”

Jamie dropped her faux pout and nodded, her eyes lighting up eagerly. Cove shook his head at her excitement, a wry grin gracing his face as he finally offered the phone to her.

As Cove watched Jamie eagerly turn to his phone, he couldn’t help but shake his head again, this time at his kid self. “I never even liked zombies!” he said, a little baffled that he ever was so enthusiastic for such a costume. “All I wanted was to show off my new scar. And I needed to be something scary. I couldn’t be a normal person who had a scar, according to my eight-year-old mind.”

The photo displayed on the screen showed Cove from ten years in the past, and a pleasant wave of nostalgia washed over Jamie as she saw him the way he looked when they first met, minus the pink cast and plus a fair amount of makeup and fake blood. Little Cove posed for the camera with his fingers hooked like claws, his mouth open as though letting out what was probably supposed to be a fierce roar. She could easily remember the noises he made that night as he pretended to be a zombie on the hunt for brains. His hair looked even more wild and disheveled than it did after the most energetic day of play, going well with the tattered and ‘blood’ stained button up shirt he wore. His face was painted in gray down to his neck, marred with an array of fake scars that couldn’t compare to the real one on his arm.

Cove looked from Jamie to the phone and chuckled softly at the face his younger self pulled for the camera. “I was a little dork.”

Jamie eyed Cove at such self-depreciation before poking him on the nose. “You were a little cutie,” she insisted. “And now you’re a big cutie.”

Cove blinked at the playful action before blushing at the compliment. He had no words to reply to it except for a quiet, flustered chuckle as he rubbed his nose.

Jamie grinned at that reaction before turning back to the photo. As much as she enjoyed how adorable Cove looked while pretending to be a fierce monster, it was impossible to ignore the scar displayed so predominantly on his arm at that time. Her smile softened at the edges at the sight of such a large, jagged line of fresh skin that was such a deep and angry shade of red. The scar was a pale memory in the present, but back then it looked so painful, and at the time she found it hard not to worry about him and his comfort after his cast came off.

Still, Jamie refused to let that put a damper on the story and focused instead on just how much fun little Cove was having posing for the camera and remembering the way they played around with their costumes that night. She could vividly recall how she pretended to run away from him when he playfully growled that he wanted to eat her brains, and the memory made her smile grow stronger.

“Dad really wanted to be useful, as usual,” Cove said, bringing Jamie’s attention back to him in the present. Though he noticed the flicker of sadness that crossed her face and realized the reason for it, he was glad to see her perk up again just as quickly. “He came up with the idea of being an undead person. It was pretty good, huh?”

Jamie chuckled softly and nodded. “You had the best Halloween costume that year, hands down,” she said playfully. “I remember you getting lots of extra candy when adults realized the scar was real.” Her smile widened as she remembered just how jealous Lizzie had been at how much candy Cove got that year, especially since he only offered to share some of that extra candy with Jamie. “It must have been your greatest Halloween haul ever.”

Cove couldn’t help but chuckle as well as he thought back to that legendary candy haul as well. It took him a month to finish it all even with Jamie’s help.

Still, the topic of his scar brought his gaze back to the picture. Cove couldn’t help but compare the way it looked in the photo to its current appearance on his left arm. “I can’t believe how much larger my scar used to be,” he said quietly.

Jamie watched as Cove turned his focus to his arm with a soft smile on his face. He traced his fingers along the jagged line of pale flesh that remained with him even ten years on. It was an action that she had seen him do countless times, but it felt more significant in that moment.

A soft sigh escaped Cove, but his eyes and tone were playful. “Look at how tiny it is now.” He gave Jamie a look with big, pathetic eyes. “How am I gonna pretend to be tough without a big scar?”

It was a struggle for Jamie not to laugh at the expression Cove wore. “You better not do anything stupid to get a new scar,” she joked with a faux disapproving frown as she wagged a finger at him. “No matter how much you like them!”

Cove grinned back at Jamie. “I won’t.”

“Good,” Jamie said with a satisfied nod. “You’ve already got the coolest scar, no matter how small it gets.”

Cove felt his cheeks grow warm and his smile turned bashful. “Thanks.” He ducked his head away from Jamie, pleased with their joking exchange. Once again, his eyes drifted down to his scar as he continued to trace it.

“I really do like having this,” he admitted in a soft, shy voice. “Even if it is kind of little these days.”

Jamie’s expression softened as well, feeling as though Cove was sharing a big secret with her. She couldn’t help but feel happy to hear that he liked his scar despite whatever pain it must have caused him to get it. It was always wonderful whenever he opened up to her like this.

Cove glanced up at Jamie, a gentle smile gracing his lips. “I like yours, too.”

The unexpected compliment caught Jamie off guard, and heat rose in her cheeks, turning them pink. She couldn’t help but smile as she felt her chest flutter with butterflies. He never failed to think of her as well, especially since he knew that she was self-conscious of her own scars.

Unthinkingly, Jamie brought her hand up to her upper arm and traced some of the countless jagged little white lines that marred her pale skin. There were matching scars in the same place on her other arm, as well as her thighs and her chest. Unlike Cove, these scars were not the result of an accident, but her skin not being able to keep up with her sudden growth during puberty.

Back during her early teenage years when the stretch marks were fresh and an angry purplish-red, Jamie always kept them hidden. Puberty had been rough on her, dealing a blow to her self-esteem as well as her body, and being covered in so many scars left her feeling ugly even though she never once thought of Cove’s scar like that.

It took time for Jamie to accept her scars, and she knew that Cove was a big part of why. Seeing the way he took such quiet pride in his scar always made her question how she thought of hers. More than that, he always made her feel beautiful, and he was always the first to remind her  whenever she needed it. That was why she was no longer afraid to wear clothes that exposed her scars like she did now.

Jamie scooted in closer to Cove as she smiled adoringly at him, placing her hand on top of his. “Thank you, Cove.”

Cove turned back to face Jamie fully. He finally let go of his scar so that he could take her hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. He felt at peace with his scar and was happy to see the same reflected on her face as well. Their scars held such meaning to them despite coming from unhappy sources.

Jamie squeezed his hand back as she drifted even closer. “Could I touch your scar?”

Cove blinked, taken aback by the request. Usually, Jamie wasn’t shy about touching him without asking first, particularly someplace as innocent as his arm. Still, he quickly realized why she might hesitate to do that now and smiled gently at her as he nodded easily. “Yeah, that’s okay.”

Jamie gave Cove’s hand one more squeeze before letting go of it. Lightly, she pressed her fingertips against the edges of his scar. With great care, she slowly ran her thumb along the entire length of it, following the jagged angles the old wound took. The pale flesh was rough when compared to the rest of his skin, which was soft, but with goosebumps rising quickly along his arm as she stroked his scar.

The touch, so delicate and gentle, left Cove feeling a bit lightheaded. Jamie’s touch always felt wonderful and often left him feeling butterflies, but somehow the feel of her paying such careful attention to his scar was particularly powerful. A choked breath escaped him and a wobbly smile played across his face as he lost himself in the feeling.

The dizzied smile Cove wore along with the light pink of his cheeks drew Jamie in with the urge to do more. She locked eyes with him, staring deep into his aquamarine eyes as she took a hold of his arm and raised it up towards her.

A quiet gasp escaped Cove when she realized what Jamie had in mind. He couldn’t look away from her dark blue eyes as she stared so intently into him even as she placed a soft kiss on the old wound that marked him. The feeling of her lips, warm and soft, pressed so tenderly against that particular place sent shivers up his spine, and he let out a tiny squeak.

Jamie smiled against Cove’s skin as she appreciated his adorable reaction, as well as the way he looked at her with overwhelming adoration. She kissed him again and again, tracing the entire length of his scar with her lips like she did with her fingers before.

It was impossible for Cove to stay still when Jamie was showing him such affection. He reached up with his free hand to touch her arm. With his thumb, he brushed aside the edge of her open sleeve, giving him better access to the countless little white lines marking her pale skin. The texture was interesting, feeling so similar yet so different from his own scar. Because of their size and number, he found his fingers constantly alternating between soft skin and rougher tissue. It was difficult to trace any one scar from start to finish like she did for him, so instead he sought out to touch every single one.

The touch was electric, and Jamie could feel her heartbeat speed up as Cove caressed her so lovingly. “Cove…”

Cove shivered again as Jamie murmured his name against his skin, setting off sparks that made his body burn pleasantly. It urged him to lean forward, his eyes gleaming with the fire she set ablaze inside him.

Jamie raised her head and instinctively matched his movement, drawing nearer to Cove as her eyes drifted closed. She felt his lips gently meet hers, and she melted into the tender kiss. She held a little more firmly onto his arm as she fell deeper into him, feeling like she might drown in the depths of her feelings for him.

Cove all too quickly lost himself in the moment and in Jamie. It felt so wonderful, so right to be her like this, to touch and kiss her. He loved her so much that it was almost overwhelming, but knowing that she loved him as well kept him grounded.

Eventually they finally drifted apart, breathless and dazed from the kiss, their faces flushed with heat. When Jamie opened her eyes, she saw Cove gazing back at her with his mesmerizing ocean blue eyes. The look he gave her was spellbinding, filled with so much love and adoration that made her heart hammer hard against her ribcage. It told her without words that the feelings he had for her were just as immense as hers were for him.

Cove leaned in again, this time resting his forehead gently against Jamie’s. With heavy lidded eyes, he simply enjoyed gazing deeply into her blue eyes that always reminded him of the night sky. No matter how many times he saw them, they always captivated him. He could lose himself in those beautiful eyes of hers.

The feeling of his warm breath tickling her skin made Jamie shiver a little, especially the way it brushed against her lips like the ghost of a kiss. With their heads touching, his hand on her arm and hers on his, she felt entirely entwined with Cove. It felt so right.

Time ceased to have any meaning in that moment as they gazed deeply into their partner’s eyes and drank in the closeness and warmth they shared. Seconds or minutes might have passed, but neither of them cared as they lost themselves in each other.

#Our Life Beginnings & Always #Our Life #ourlifeba #Cove Holden #Jamie Last #Jamie Leimomi #My Writing