#vanfic

[your-divine-ribs]

Valentine’s Day (Dad Van)

Valentine’s Day with Dad Van 💗

Dad Van Masterlist Main Masterlist

💗 Van's always said he hates the commercial side of Valentine's Day and you do too, but that doesn't mean that you don't secretly want him to spoil you.

💗 You have a sneaky plan to drop major hints around your daughter Grace who has a habit of feeding everything that she hears back to her dad.

💗 "Mummy likes peonies the best Daddy... big red ones... and tulips too... but they've got to be pink or white..."

💗 You smile to yourself as you hear Van asking her to use her 'quiet' voice whilst you're in the kitchen next door. It's not working... you could probably hear her if you were halfway down the street.

💗 "She likes chocolate too... any type of chocolate... she's not fussy about that!"

💗 "Shh Gracie!" Van urges back. "We don't want Mummy finding out beforehand do we? We gotta keep it a secret!"

💗 "But Mummy always says we shouldn't keep secrets from each other!"

💗 "Mummy's right but this is different angel," Van explains patiently. "Some secrets are good secrets... when you're doing something nice for someone and you want it to be a surprise... it's okay then."

💗 It's quiet for a moment and you can picture the thoughtful look on your daughter's face as what Van's told her sinks in.

💗 When she does speak again she is actually whispering this time and you have to press your ear against the door to listen... you know you really shouldn't but you can't help it... you love to hear their Daddy/daughter chats.

💗 "I've got a secret too," she giggles secretively. "I have a boyfriend... at school!"

💗 "A... a boyfriend?" Van splutters and you have to slap a hand over your mouth to stop the loud laugh that nearly bursts forth that would give away your eavesdropping. "Bit young for that ain't ya?"

💗 Grace has already filled you in on the 'big fat crush' she has on one on her class-mates, Robbie, but she's not told her dad yet whose protective streak goes into overdrive around his daughter.

💗 Grace is all coy giggles as she confides in her dad. "Well he's not my boyfriend yet... but I want him to be. Can you help me? I want to do something nice for Valentines and Mummy says you're dead romantic!"

💗 "Oh, she does, does she?" You can actually hear the smugness in your husband's voice.

💗 Without warning the door's suddenly opening and you're stumbling forwards, driven by the momentum of leaning against it.

💗 "Ahhh!" You gasp, lurching over the threshold, your fall broken by a pair of strong hands as Van catches you.

💗 "You weren't snooping by any chance were ya love?" He smirks at your glowing cheeks as you right yourself, flustered but trying to hide it.

💗 "No I wasn't!" You cry out rather unconvincingly as Van and Grace look at each other, sniggering. "I was just... errr... I was just coming to ask if you wanted a cuppa actually."

💗 Van and Grace spend the rest of the afternoon sitting cross-legged and hunched over together on the living room floor, Van with his acoustic guitar in his lap and Grace with her little pink sparkly notebook and matching pen.

💗 There's plenty of tinkling laughter from Grace and chuckles from Van, cries of "No that sounds silly Daddy, that doesn't even rhyme!" and "That's class that is Gracie, you're a natural!"

💗 "What're you two up to then?" You ask, intrigued, peering over Grace's shoulder to try and decipher her messy scrawl in the notebook. "Looks like fun."

💗 "It's nothing!" She blurts quickly, snatching the notebook up and swiftly closing it, hugging it closely to her chest.

💗 "Doesn't look like nothing to me," you say, full of curiosity. "C'mon, tell me. What is it?"

💗 Van nudges Grace gently with his elbow and they share a knowing look. "I reckon Mummy's being nosey again, what d'ya think, eh?"

💗 "Yeah... and we can't tell her because it's a secret!" She purposefully exaggerates the last word, a huge mischievous grin stretching wide across her face. She really is the spitting image of her dad sometimes. They're like two peas in a pod.

💗 "You'll find out soon enough love," Van adds mysteriously and you look between them both, taking in Van's tight-lipped smirk and the sparkle of excitement in Grace's eyes. There's no way you're going to find out what they're cooking up between them.

💗 "You'd better not be up to no good!" You laugh, backing away to leave them to it.

💗 Van presses a hand to his chest, speaking with an exaggerated innocence that doesn't match his cheeky expression. "Us? Up to no good? Never!"

💗 The next few days leading up to Valentine's Day you have to endure plenty of hushed whispers whenever you walk into a room that Van and Grace are occupying, their sneaky collusions mounting the closer you get.

💗 On the day you awaken to the sensation of a pair of soft lips peppering gentle kisses all over the exposed skin of your shoulder. You hum in appreciation, pushing your body back against the length of Van's, your bare feet tangling together.

💗 "Morning beautiful," he greets you, hands sliding around your waist and nudging under the hem of your pyjama top. "D'ya know what day it is?"

💗 "Hmm... morning," you reply, practically purring as you feel him moving your hair to one side, his lips brushing the delicate skin of your neck. "It's... Wednesday isn't it?"

💗 "Yeah it's Wednesday... but it's a special Wednesday," he murmurs in between kisses. "D'ya know why?"

💗 "Nuh-uh..." You decide to play dumb, enjoying the attention he's lavishing on you too much, taking full advantage. "I am still half asleep though... maybe a few more kisses will wake me up..."

💗 Van needs little encouragement, a hand curling around your shoulder to pull your body down so you're flat on your back and he's hovering over you. "Now that's a service I can certainly provide!"

💗 You lie back, feigning sleepiness whilst Van kisses your forehead, your cheeks and the tip of your nose before scattering tiny kisses all down your jaw. "You awake yet love?"

💗 "Nah... not yet... still sleepy... keep going!"

💗 His hair tickles your skin whilst he nuzzles into the hollow of the base of your neck and you let out a contented sigh, your body relaxing into the mattress.

💗 "Maybe this'll wake ya up..."

💗 Why is he so good at this? You can feel your toes curl involuntarily as he sucks gently at your pulse point... you have to stifle a moan.

💗 "Daddy! Daddy! Wake up! It's the day! It's here!"

💗 Van leaps a foot into the air away from you in shock. The excited cry is followed by the sound of tiny feet drumming on the floor before your bedroom door flies open, crashing back on its hinges.

💗 Grace is carrying the biggest bunch of flowers, all your favourites, lush deep red peonies and delicate white tulips, all hand-tied and finished off with a silk bow. They're so big she's practically obscured by the petals.

💗 "Happy Love Day!" She announces proudly, grinning at you, thrusting the flowers towards you.

💗 "Oh wow! Thank you sweetheart," you beam as you take them from her, then you turn to Van. "They're beautiful, thank you... but I didn't think we were doing gifts this year?"

💗 Of course despite your words you've already thought of Van, a bottle of his favourite cologne stashed away in your drawer and some racy lingerie you intend to keep for later on tonight...

💗 "Ahh that's only a little something," he grins. "Wait till we get to the main event!" Him and Grace exchange looks before he's rising up off the bed and him and Grace are rushing out of the room, whispering conspiratorially to each other.

💗 They return just moments later, Van with his acoustic guitar and Grace with her notebook, settling themselves down on the end of the bed.

💗 "Let me go first!" Grace says excitedly, thumbing through her notebook and clearing her throat like she's just about to give an important speech.

💗 "I do love you Mummy, but this isn't for you... this for Robbie." You and Van exchange smiles full of quiet amusement at her serious tone then back to her she starts to read out a wonderful poem. It's full of declarations of love and how it makes her feel all warm and fluffy inside.

💗 You can definitely hear Van's influence even though Grace insists that it's all her own work. You're pretty sure not many 6 year olds would slip the word 'acquiesce' into a poem unprompted though.

💗 "That's amazing!" You enthuse as she comes to an end, giving a little bow as you and Van both applaud her. "I'm sure Robbie's going to fall madly and desperately in love with you after hearing that!"

💗 "Just like you and Daddy," she smiles, a glimmer of excitement in her eyes. "He says he got you to fall in love with him by writing you a song."

💗 "Talking of which..." Van's grins widely as he starts to strum, keeping his eyes fixed right on you as he begins to sing an unfamiliar tune.

💗 You've been together for years but his voice still gives you goosebumps, especially when he looks at you like that, with all that love and adoration in his eyes.

💗 Grace joins in on the chorus and you can't hold back the pearly tears that brim in your eyes and overspill down your cheeks. You can hear that your daughter's definitely put her creative stamp on their little project.

💗 The melody is sweet and simple and the words are touching and heartfelt and the fact that they wrote it together just for you makes your heart swell with emotion.

💗 There's no for need showy words or fancy metaphors to get the message across, it's quite simple and abundantly clear... they love you... and just like once before all those years ago you can feel yourself falling in love all over again.

#dad van #catfish and the bottlemen #van mccann #van mccann x reader #vanfic #valentines

[catb-fics]

Skin to Skin (Dad Van)

Words: 2k

No warnings just fluff for my Valentine’s countdown // Feeding your baby daughter for the first time 💗

Dad Van Masterlist Main Masterlist

You'd never understood the concept of crying tears of happiness until now. Sweat-soaked and exhausted, your voice hoarse and dry and your muscles strained and weary, you gently cradled the precious and wondrously beautiful new life that was your baby daughter and you sobbed as you watched her through glassy eyes full of tears.

"She's perfect babe, just perfect. I can't believe it. You did so good... I can't believe that she's ours..."

Van's voice is tight and shaky as he loses the fight to hold back his own tears, wiping them away with the cuff of his shirt sleeve as they track down his cheeks. You wrench your eyes away from your perfect little miracle to look up at him, so much love flowing between you at that moment as you soak up the realisation that you're parents now, no longer just a couple but a family.

"She's beautiful Van. Just look at her. Look at her little nose... and lips... and fingers. Everything's so tiny! I think she has your features, she definitely has your eyes. I think she looks like you already."

You both look down again at the little bundle, all swaddled up in a blanket, big expressive eyes wide open and gazing up at you and it hits you then. This is just the beginning.

You'd thought the birth was the hard part but the visceral pain of labour had already started to dull the moment the midwife had checked over and weighed your daughter and placed her in your arms. The hard parts are up ahead, the sleepless nights and the new-mum worries, the realisation that not only have you both created a little human being but now you have to take care of her for the rest of your lives overwhelming you.

"Nah, she's too beautiful to look like me, she's gorgeous, just like her mummy. I'm so proud of you Y/N, you were amazing. I'm in absolute awe of you love."

His eyes glow with adoration as he looks between you both, slipping an arm around your shoulder as he snuggles in even closer to you on the hospital bed.

"I couldn't have done it without you," you tell him, resting your head his shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too... so much," he mumbles into your hair, planting a soft kiss there before he turns his attention back to his little girl, leaning right over her, a fingertip gently running over the apple of her rosy cheek. "Hey there baby girl, I've been waiting so long to meet you... and here you are, more beautiful than I ever could've imagined."

She makes a soft gurgling cooing noise, stretching out a tiny arm, her hand coming to rest on Van's finger. He lets out a delighted chuckle as her small but perfectly formed fingers wrap around his fingertip.

"Look at that! Look at that Y/N! Hey sweetheart, I'm your daddy. I love you so much, me and your mummy love you more than anything. You wouldn't believe."

His voice cracks again as he fights back a fresh round of tears, fascinated and awed by this new life that you've both been blessed with. She blinks up at Van through her long lashes, squirming in your arms, turning her head towards his finger, tiny lips seeking as a small whimper arises.

"I think maybe she's hungry already," you observe. "She definitely takes after you! Are you hungry my little one?"

You shift on the bed, drawing down your nightdress and unclipping your maternity bra, uncertainty taking over as you awkwardly try to manoeuvre your daughter into the position you'd been shown in your ante-natal sessions.

"Are you okay? What can I do? Do ya want a pillow? Here... have one to prop up your arm," Van offers, fussing around you, concern in his eyes as he takes in your worried expression. "Can ya manage? Are ya comfy like that? Shall I get the midwife back?"

"No, no... just let me try," you insist. "It can't be that hard."

Surely it should be the most natural thing in the world? The female human body is literally designed to birth a child and feed and nurture it, but even so your head is full of countless stories you've read on baby blogs online about breast-feeding struggles. Your little girl latches on hungrily but then quickly pulls away, her whimpers growing stronger, her small fingers pawing at your skin.

"Shit... this is harder than it looks," you curse nervously, gathering your baby up in your arms to try switching sides, groans of frustration bursting from you as you struggle to get your positioning right. "Something's wrong, I'm not doing it right. I just can't seem to get it right!"

Your eyes flick up to meet Van's anxious expression but then quickly back down, not wanting him to see the hot tears that are brimming in your eyes. Tears of tiredness and worry and frustration this time.

"You're doing great babe, really... you are. We could just give her a bottle though... just this once... I'm sure it'd be fine..."

"No!" You cut him off bluntly, your voice coming sharper and with more force that you intend. His eyes widen and his face creases and you soften then, quickly checking yourself. "I didn't mean to snap," you explain. "You know I want to do this myself, it's really important to me. I just need a bit of time to get it right... that's all."

"Okay... okay... I just want to do as much as I can. I'm sure you'll be feeding her like a pro in no time though! You can do anything that you set your mind to... you'll see... you always do."

Van grins a warm encouragement, one hand gently stroking at the downy hair on your baby's head, the other smoothing down over your back. You both watch as her tiny lips latch on again, a surprisingly strong suction this time that makes you gasp. You look up at Van, a huge smile of triumph breaking out.

"She's doing it... she's actually doing it!" You whisper, excitedly but quietly lest you break the spell. Van looks back at you with pride and reverence in his eyes, shaking his head slightly like he still can't quite believe that the last tough ten hours of labour since you arrived at the hospital have just taken place.

He leans even closer, peering in wonder as he takes in the scene. "Just look at you both like that... look at her go! She's proper guzzling! S'fuckin' amazing innit?"

"Shh... no swearing, remember?" You gently scold him with a smirk. "Don't want her growing up foul-mouthed like her Daddy!" You're only joking and he knows it, breathing a quiet 'sorry love' in between a whispered laugh.

You're both silent then for a long moment, you leaning into Van's warm embrace, your daughter contentedly suckling at your body's wonderful nourishment, a picture perfect scene that you know will be imprinted in your memories forever.

"How's it feel anyway?" Van breaks the silence eventually, folding the neckline of your nightdress carefully back where it's fallen over your daughter's face.

"It's just... weird... feels weird... kinda strange..." You pause, searching for the right words, quickly adding "in a good way though... a really good way. It feels bloody amazing actually. I can't believe I'm actually doing it. I'm actually feeding our baby Van... our daughter... our little girl. Can you believe it?"

You break off into a delighted giggle, only distracted when the sensation of your baby suckling changes, looking down to see her tiny jaw slacken as her lips purse and pucker as she pulls away. A small trickle of milk pools in the corner of her mouth which you quickly wipe away with a muslin cloth.

"Oh my god look at her!" You laugh, watching her eyelids fluttering as she blinks up at you sleepily, looking almost dazed. "That's the exact same look you get when you've had too much to drink!"

"Milk-drunk!" Van sniggers, lifting his arm away from your shoulder as he shifts on the bed. "Must be good stuff! Not surprising really... considering where it's come from!"

You laugh, nudging him with your elbow lightly, then you set about propping your baby up on your lap, gently rubbing soothing circles on her back which elicits a tiny burp, smiling to yourself that you've already overcome such an important first milestone of motherhood.

You're so caught up on making gooey eyes at your daughter that you don't realise what Van's doing, but detecting movement out the corner of your eye prompts you to look around. To your surprise and puzzlement, Van's sitting there propped up against the headboard of the hospital bed unbuttoning his shirt. The first four buttons are already undone and he's starting on the fifth when you speak, stilling him momentarily.

"What on earth are you doing?"

"It's my turn now, c'mon pass her over," he smiles, popping open the last button and holding out his arms, his shirt falling open to reveal his bare chest.

You just stare at him, completely befuddled, wondering whether maybe he's been sneakily siphoning off some of the gas and air whilst your back's been turned. "C'mon," he urges. "Ya can't keep her all to yourself! I'm desperate to hold her!"

"Sure... sure..." you mumble, gathering up your precious little bundle and getting gingerly to your feet, wincing slightly as you shuffle over to Van. You stop, hovering over him whilst he looks at you expectantly, bursting with eagerness. "What's with stripping off though? I'm not being funny, but you haven't exactly got... the right equipment!"

He grins, shaking his head. "Course not love, but I'm just thinking about what the midwife said... you know, in the ante-natal classes. About how dads could get involved? Skin to skin or summat... s'posed to be a good way to bond."

"Oh... so you were listening then?" You tease good-naturedly, recalling all the daft jokes Van used to relentlessly crack during the sessions, no doubt a cover for the nervousness he'd never admit at the prospect of becoming a dad.

You can see it now, the slight tremble in his hands as you place your baby carefully in his outstretched arms, the gentle way he supports her head and tiny body like she's made of the finest china and he's frightened that she might break.

"Oh wow, she's so tiny... she's as light as a feather. And so, so beautiful... just perfect. How did we create something so perfect, eh?"

You hear him suck in a shaky breath which he blows out quickly, leaning back against the headboard and bringing his daughter closer to his body. He lifts her carefully and positions her so she's pressed flush to his chest, then he begins to untuck the blanket that's swaddled around her, delicately pulling it free.

"Look at you... all wrapped up like a little burrito!" He chuckles. "C'mon sweetheart, come and lie on daddy. Gonna take good care of you... you and your mum. I love you both so much."

He dips his head down to plant a small kiss on your baby's head and she makes a contented cooing sound, nuzzling into his bare chest. He's cradling her with one hand, the other stroking soft, soothing circles on her back. You feel your heart swell with emotion watching the two of them together, your precious little girl so serene and comforted, the way Van looks down at her so dotingly and protective.

"Thank you Y/N," he murmurs, voice a little choked as he looks up, meeting your eyes which again are brimming with tears of emotion, his own looking glossy too.

"For what?"

He smiles, warm and genuine. "For making me so happy. Don't think I've ever felt this happy before... ever."

#dad van #catfish and the bottlemen #van mccann #van mccann x reader #au fanfic #vanfic #valentines countdown

[honestlyvan]

Fandom: Transformers Prime Pairing: Wheeljack/Bulkhead Tags: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Flirting, Keepsakes, minor speaking roles for Miko and Ultra Magnus, Wheeljack's extremely relevant firearms kink Warnings: None Summary: Wheeljack had arrived on Earth flying a treasure trove of Wrecker ephemera, including some of Bulkhead’s personal effects. Length: 3,162 words

Read on Ao3

Y'all know that one Mastermind Bulkhead toy with the PTRD-esque biiiiig rifle? Y'all know how I've argued that Bulkhead should have been artillery just based on the way he can be quite calculating and sneaky in combat? Y'all know how I need those robots to, like. Kiss?

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaah.

#vanfic #Maccadam #Transformers Prime #Bulkhead (TFP) #Wheeljack (TFP) #Bulkjack #I have had this idea knocking around in my head since like. 2020 #and at some point I just sat down and knocked it out and forgot about it #Your honour. The OTP. I can't be held responsible for my actions #Anyway enjoy some gay robots!

[imvanspacifierr]

hourglass (van mccann)

🤍this fic is practically hourglass word for word, i love the lyrics and how it's from his partner's perspective. hopefully done it some justice🤍

wattpad

word count: 1.1K (exactly!)

warnings: swearing, hints towards sex

It was one of those cold, lonely nights. Rain drizzling down your bedroom window while the wind howls outside. You would just lay in bed, cocooning yourself in silken sheets trying to get as much warmth as physically possible. Staring at the ceiling, wishing you were getting warmth from tangled limbs, hot breaths and messed up covers. Instead of reality, fluffy pajamas and a mug of hot chocolate.

Van had been away for a week now, due to come back home in a couple days. You couldn't wait to hear the sounds of a faint car door shutting and a muffled "Cheers mate" from the street. You couldn't wait to stop everything you're doing and run to your door, you could be in the middle of the most significant thing in your life but you would still get there as quickly as you can. You couldn't wait to be fumbling with your keys, trying to find the right one to unlock it as the figure got closer and closer. Most importantly, you couldn't wait to open the door to a happy but slightly exhausted looking face smiling back at you. Dropping all his luggage like it's nothing just to wrap his long arms around you.

A few days ago, Van had messaged you on Larry's phone telling you he had broken his phone so he couldn't call you without nicking one of the lad's phones. You were gutted but not surprised, everyone knows that boy is useless with technology and is the clumsiest person you've ever known from bumping into things to doing silly little acts that ended up in some disaster.

So here you were, waiting for your phone to buzz and light up with one of the boys'names. Hoping to hear Van's voice down the line. Hoping he had somehow convinced one of them to let him call you just for a few minutes while they packed up gear to move onto the next venue. Sadly, there was no call. You always thought you were almost like a wife waiting for a call from a distant husband in the army or something like that. Obviously singing songs and thrashing around a pub in the middle of nowhere didn't compare with a soldier fighting for their country but still you missed him like mad.

Every night you'd wish you were guiding him to yours, which was practically his home. So you both could be together, catching up on all the lost times, exploring each other and sleepily talking about your future.

Van was always telling you how much he wanted a family oh his own, he had everything planned out in his head. At first when he told you how he could see the two of you getting married and having children, it did scare you off since you are so young and unsure of what exactly you want to do in your life. However, the more time you spent with him, the more you wanted his little dreamland too. All you wanted was to take his name, Y/N McCann had a ring to it, he told you.

The thought of having kids never crossed your mind until Van would describe his image of you with a little boy and girl, the little details of how he would teach your imaginary son how to play fifa and how you would teach your imaginary daughter how to plat her hair. Or how you would call them the most stupid nicknames you could think of. It was the little things like that which would make you feel fuzzy inside.

You would never tell Van how much you missed him to the full extent. You didn't want to seem sordid and you didn't want it to seem like you wanted him to step away from the band. The band were getting bigger and bigger, starting to sell out 500 capacity venues up and down the UK. You didn't think it was possible to be this proud of someone. However, you just wanted to be able to see him everyday in real life. Even if it's just a quick hello. Videos of him and faceless calls/texts didn't compare to the real deal at all. All you longed for was Van to be home.

He would even bring back flus or colds from touring, leaving you basically bed bound with a snotty nose and a sore throat. Surprisingly, you didn't mind when this happened since Van would take care of you. He would buy you whatever snacks you wanted from the shops, bring you cups of tea and boiling hot water bottles whenever you asked. He would curl up with you under velvet blankets, snuggled into your frame while watching your favourite movies.

One of your favourite things to do was after the tour, when he had just gotten back. He would have greasy looking hair and stubble coming through which scratched your chin. You would both get in the shower, you'd be washing his scruffy locks while Van would be telling you how working in the studio was going and idiotic dares they would do when they were bored. He'd place gentle pecks on your exposed suddy skin and suck at your sensitive spots before it ended in steamed up glass and sounds of panting echoing through the water sprinkling down onto the tub.

When Van was home for long periods of time, don't get it wrong, he did absolutely drive you up the wall with little annoying habits. He was restless, could never sleep for longer than 4 hours a night. You would be deep asleep, sweetly dreaming... to be awoken by a light shove or a whisper. Rolling over to try and ignore the shit eating grin Van had spread across his face because now you'd shown you were awake so he can talk about everything and anything to you while you yawned into his chest. He also didn't know how to do simple household chores for the life of him. Once he tried making you tea to surprise you after a long day of work but all you came back to was the smoke alarm with no batteries in, a lingering burning smell, takeout boxes on your living room table and Van sighing, "Babe, please say you don't need to go into the kitchen anytime soon..."

All the small things that should piss you off, especially when he did in fact nearly burn down your house trying to cook chicken nuggets and chips. You didn't mind looking back, at least he was there in them moments with you.

#catfish and the bottlemen #van mccann #vanfic #van mccann fanfic #catfish and the bottlemen fanfic #catfish and the bottlemen imagine #van mccann imagine

[vanmccannonlyfans]

what's the vanfic you're working on about? x

it’s enemies to lovers and v angsty and could potentially be very long! idk if im ever going to post it bc it’s very dark and i don’t think there’s a lot of demand for that in the fandom if cocoon is any indication lol but ive had so much fun working on it!

#thanks for asking! ❤️‍🔥 #you’ve got mail 💌 #vanfic #van mccann #van mccann fic

[meekahy]

#van mccann #catfish and the bottlemen fics #vanfic

[storiesbyrhi]

I always lurk on your ao3 (in the least weird way possible ahaha) and re read your Van fics, and have just seen that you’ve deleted a lot of them, I’m pretty sure!? and just wanted to let you know I ADORED them so much. For whatever reason they’ve been deleted, I just wanted to tell you how much I loved them and I secretly hope to find love one day that is exactly like how you wrote it (again, in the least weird way possible ahaha)❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Hey, friend! Yes, the Vanfics are all heading to the delete pile. Recently, I have reassessed my stance on real person fic and have decided that writing it no longer aligns with how I feel.

I am still very proud of how much content I churned out during that period and the stories I wrote. I still miss our little Catfish community too. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of it!

If there are any stories that you particularly love, I can always send you a copy for your own little stash hehe. xo Rhi

#Rhi Answers

[steppedoffaflight]

I’d give my left kidney for you to write another vanfic, SAK is sooooo good, it’s my favorite one 😭🩵 (if you have time and want to ofc)

Oh thank you so much! I’m a lefty so I really appreciate the offer of your left kidney as opposed to your right. As you can see I’m mostly all hockey now BUT I would never say never, especially during their comeback.

#asks #me 🤝🏻 van #needing special kitchen scissors #you are too kind thank you very very very much

[vanmccannyoudome]

#1

It had been a while. A while since she had been to a gig, strangers swaying against you in the crowd, the air damp. A while since she’d seen him, floppy brown hair and infectious smile. A while since he’d touched her, gentle yet burning as his fingers trailed across her skin. He’d been away, album promo and an arena tour, taking him around the world. Tonight was his first night back in the country in months. Her stomach had erupted in butterflies when the short text came asking her to come to the gig, and when her backstage pass was dropped off to her house by a guy in a beat-up van with an unkempt beard.

There he was on stage, surrounded by his bandmates in front of thousands of people. A sold-out arena. Dressed simply in black jeans, Chelsea boots and a black shirt, with the first few buttons left undone at the top. So completely at home performing. The songs, guitar and drum heavy belted out of the speakers, inciting the crowd to bounce. He crooned the lyrics, his voice lowering intimately and straining to belt out the fast-paced choruses. His voice wove lyrical stories, casting a spell on everyone, but most of all on her. She could swear he was trying to enchant her. His guitar was nestled between his arms and against his hips and she hadn’t realised it was possible to be jealous of an instrument.

The frantic music and flashing lights came to a halt, and the band moved backstage leaving only him and his acoustic guitar. The song was low, slow. His fingers danced across the strings and his voice dipped and curled around the notes. This was her favourite song. Written about another girl, of course, long before they’d ever met. The lyrics were so intimate, so gentle and showed a different side to him than she’d seen before. This showed him completely, irrationally in love with someone. She couldn’t take her eyes off him as he sang, soaking up the echo of the fans singing his lyrics back at him. He squinted as he looked off to one side of the front of the crowd. Sure it was a coincidence that it was the side she stood; she didn’t allow herself to hope he was looking for her.

When they had met, it was clear he wanted a good time, some fun and laughs and nothing to stress about while he went off to live his rock and roll lifestyle. They had fun, lots of it. Drinks in quiet, back-alley bars followed by evenings in his place, or hers. A day or two here and there when he had free time or when she did. FaceTime calls late at night full of flirty banter, discussions about life, politics, music. But there had never been any promise of anything more, and she had never asked for anything more. Or rather, had never dared to ask.

Something about their connection, the distance and time apart, and this intimate song made her heart flutter as his eyes kept wandering back to that side of the crowd. If he was trying to catch sight of her, his chances were hindered largely by the bright stage spotlight and her petite frame in the vast crowd. The song came to an end, punctuated by a discreet smile, one familiar to her. She had seen it the night he first asked to take her home, as she sipped on her drink and her heart pounded. She had seen it on FaceTime when their conversation dissolved into comfortable silence laden with tension. She had seen it as they laid tangled up in his sheets, early morning sun spilling over his face as he twirled a strand of her hair around his fingers. This song was now dedicated to her, his smile confirmed it.

The band came bounding back on stage, playing some of their most popular songs, the music crashing and the crowd going crazy. She followed the instructions he had left her in their text conversation. Find this door, see this person, show them your pass. The look she received from the security guard who led her through backstage conveyed his thoughts with abundant clarity. She was one woman in a long line of women led along the same path. How many artists, bands had paraded women through here for a quick shag, a night of fun. She tried to take that look with a pinch of salt knowing full well they were just having fun, yet knowing full well she was not just a quick fuck. Had he brought other women back recently? Since they’d met? She shook that thought off.

The corridors were long, vibrating to the music coming from the stage. The security guard opened a door, and the sound was once again deafening. Surrounded by equipment, wires, people, she stood in a spot in the corner that she was directed to. Her heart pounding, knowing he was coming offstage soon. Nerves, anticipation, excitement flooded through her, causing tremors to run through her. She leaned against a large equipment box, only for it to move under her weight. Several people saw her almost fall and shot her irritated looks. She kept her stare firmly on the ground as her cheeks blazed crimson. A familiar guitar riff rang through the air, signalling the song and the set were almost over. Fuck. The sound of cheers rang through the arena. No drums, no guitars, no beautiful voice. Just the crowd.

Loud laughter and laboured breathing neared. She peeked up through her lashes as she saw a slender figure deposit a guitar in a stand. Goosebumps. Her hair stood on end; her heart was pounding again. She met his eye as he stood in front of her, blue eyes blazing, skin glowing, brown hair soaking wet and flopping over his brows. Stomach flipping, she subconsciously held her hand in front of her, not sure what to do. She was right there in front of him, a sight for sore eyes. Having craved her touch, even just needed to see the contours of her face in person for so long, he didn’t want to wait. And he crashed into her. Hands gripping her hips and lips colliding with hers. He pulled her closer until there was no space between them, kissing her roughly.

She giggled ‘Hey, V- ‘

‘Shh’ He interrupted brusquely, then deepening the kiss.

She melted into his hold, her feet feeling as though they were no longer on the ground. She kissed him back, allowing his tongue to battle with hers. She inhaled his scent of cigarette smoke and musk, feeling intoxicated. And Jesus, he didn’t know if it was just the adrenaline, but he could swear he had never enjoyed holding someone, kissing someone this much before.

‘Van- ‘She began, pulling away as she began to remember her surroundings, the people around her who were strangers.

‘Shh’ He cut in again, mumbling against her lips. His hands ran from her elbows to meet her hands, interlocking tightly. ‘Just kiss me’.

And who was she to argue? That’s all she wanted too in that moment. Then he was pushing her backwards, guiding her with his legs on either side of hers, hands and lips still locked. She giggled against his lips in between kisses. Her back was against a door while he reached around to push the handle. They were plunged into the icy night air, a shock after the hot, damp air inside. His free hand dropped down to her waist, then lower to the hem of her dress. Her spare hand grabbed his soaked, sweaty hair in anticipation. Her thigh burning where his calloused fingers roughly stroked.

They were in a quiet corner outside, lit by a bright white light on the brick wall above them. He backed her against the wall, breaking their kiss to move his lips to her neck. She held her soft groans in, between her legs throbbing almost painfully. He bit the most sensitive spots, the places he had spent a lot of time finding, sucking and then licking to soothe when it smarted. Her breathing grew heavier as his fingers ducked inside her dress and up her thigh. She was hyper aware of him and his presence, only vaguely aware that anybody could come outside and see what they were doing.

The fingers that had tenderly strummed his guitar earlier moved her underwear to the side with such swiftness she wasn’t ready for the contact. She gripped his hand tighter as he stroked her over her most intimate area, nudging her legs apart. He was focused on refamiliarizing himself with her, her sensitive spots. It had been so long since he had seen her, touched her that he was worried he’d forgotten how to make her tick. He needn’t have worried, if her tight grip on his hair and hand, and heavy breathing was any indication. They’d just had so much practice; he’d replayed all those moments over and over in his head until it was impossible to forget. And as he stroked her in all the right places, he could feel himself desperate for more, to be even closer to her. Her perfume, the scent of her shampoo cloaked his senses and made him dizzy with comfort and with desire. His fingers moved in slow, lazy circles at first, gathering her wetness. Gradually his circles grew faster and more concentrated and her legs began to feel weak. Pulling his body closer to hers to pin her to the wall, she got lost in his kisses and what he was doing between her legs. It took an unusually short amount of time before she could feel her orgasm approach. As he kissed just below her ear, she fell apart. He watched her face, so beautiful in agonising pleasure. He watched how he made her feel, how only he could make her feel as he carried on guiding her through the intense fireworks. She stiffened beneath him and then relaxed around him as he milked her orgasm.

Again, she wasn’t even sure if her feet were touching the ground, it all felt like it was spinning around them. She felt his fingers gently cup her chin and lift it up until her eyes met his. As her breathing started to even out, the look in his eyes made her tingle in anticipation of what she knew was to come. Before she had the chance to kiss him again, his lips were already on hers, not wanting to waste another second. Privacy? They didn’t need it. Hotel? Too far away. He knew he’d missed her while he’d been away, but this connection and tension was insane. And well, she’d always been crazy about him. Her hands crept down his shoulders, dragging along his torso, fingers playing with his belt until her palm met the bulge in his trousers.

She began to pull his belt from the belt loops, struggling when she came to the buckle. At her struggle he became frustrated and rushed to get the belt open, quickly followed by his button and zip. Pulling his member from his boxers, he sprang free from the restraint of his jeans, urgent and desperate to just be closer. And fuck if she didn’t want that too. He gripped her shoulders and spun her round quickly, so quickly she stumbled in her heels. Feeling guilty, he steadied her and placed her hands on the wall in front of her. She’d always been clumsy. She held her breath in anticipation, throbbing between her legs as he pulled her dress over her bum and slid himself along her slit.

‘Ahh’ She gasped aloud as he pushed inside her, him groaning into her ear at the feeling of her hot, tight wetness pulling him in. His damp chest and hair felt cold from being in the night air as he pressed himself against her from behind and she just wanted more. He pulled out slowly as she adjusted to the feeling of being full after so long, and began to thrust into her. It wasn’t slow, it wasn’t gentle. He pushed into her roughly and quickly, pulling her waist length hair down her back so that her head didn’t hit the wall as he fucked her. She couldn’t hold in her gasps and moans, her whole body felt like it was buzzing but her core was being assaulted with pleasurable strokes over and over again.

He needed to see her face. The one he’d searched for in the crowd while singing his most intimate and heartfelt song. The one he’d longed to see when he was 7 hours behind on tour in the States. The one he was desperate to touch and kiss while he looked at her through FaceTimes. He pulled out of her, taking care to spin her around more slowly this time to avoid a broken ankle in those sexy heels. Pushing her back against the wall, he slid his eager hands down her sides to her thighs and squeezed, gesturing for her to jump. She did, and he lifted her up against the wall, legs around his waist as he pinned her tightly to the cold, rough bricks. She cried out as he slid inside her again. They locked eyes while he fucked her once again, hardly pulling out but rather thrusting in as deep as he could. She could feel the brick wall leaving scratches on her back, but she didn’t care, loving the roughness.

This wasn’t quick and dirty; this was raw and urgent. Their eye contact confirmed that. His eyes told her he needed her. This meant something, but it could not wait. Their unbroken stare was a catalyst, she cried out his name as he furiously chased his peak. The feeling of her soft curves and warm cunt around his member undid him. He groaned as he came, reaching the end. He jerked against her, squeezing her bum.

The silence was only broken by their panting as the leaned against each other for support, feeling spent. Somewhere in the distance, they heard a crowd chanting some of his songs. He chuckled into her hair.

‘M sorry I didn’t last long darlin’; it’s been a while ‘ant it?’ She just shook her head, it didn’t matter. He pulled out of her, as he had softened, and his fluid seeped down her thigh.

Giggling, she stepped out of her underwear, holding onto his hand for balance, and wiped away his cum with them.

‘What the hell do I do with these?’ She wondered aloud, looking around for a bin, or somewhere to dispose of the soiled underwear.

He laughed as he zipped up his jeans and did up his belt again, then held out his hand. Hesitantly she handed them over to him, and he slipped them into his back pocket. ‘Let’s find a bin back inside, yeah?’

She giggled and stepped towards him to follow him back inside the building. He held his arm out behind him for her to grab her hand, but quickly spun around to face her.

‘Oh- hello’ He said, remembering he had interrupted her with kisses when she’d tried to greet him. He blushed slightly, feeling a bit rude.

She looked up at him through her lashes, a smile spread across her face with a hint of adoration in her eyes. ‘Hi.’

‘It’s so good to see ya, thanks for coming tonight babe’ He said, remembering his charm and manners. He had just gone at her like an animal, the least he could do was make up for it now.

‘Thank you for inviting me. You were so good up there.’ She stared up at his face. His eye bags which showed his fatigue, but his eyes shone bright, wide awake. His hair was starting to dry into waves falling over his face. ‘You look good, Van. Tour suits you.’

She wished he didn’t have to be away so much, wished that maybe he didn’t love being away as much as he did. She wanted to say more, but held back, not wanting to make things too heavy. She’d always been too afraid to spook him, scare him off. He saw it in her eyes, the many questions floating around that she was holding back. He wanted to give her answers, he wanted to give her anything she wanted.

‘It’s been great. But you know, it doesn’t have that Mexican bar, so...’ There was more he could have said, more he wanted to say. Like how maybe he loved tour, but this time round he found that he didn’t feel so free when he was away. Like maybe he’d missed her.

She giggled at his reference to their favourite place to go for tequila and margaritas when they hung out. She stared down at his feet, nervous that meeting his eye would give away just how deeply she felt for him in this very moment, his presence overwhelming, the feelings washing over and consuming her. He saw her hide a smile and wished she would look up at him. He’d imagined that smile for so long. He noticed her skin broke out in goosebumps and she began to wrap her arms around herself.

Her slinky black satin mini dress, with its skinny straps did everything to accentuate the softness of her curves, but nothing to protect her from the cold. Even as a feeling of protective tenderness overtook him, he still couldn’t help but notice her hard nipples and wish he was sucking on them. Albeit in a warm room.

He moved behind her and wrapped his hands around her front, cloaking her in his natural warmth.

‘Let’s go inside, yeah?’ He murmured in her ear, and all she could do was nod.

***

The dim light above the door lit up as she turned the key in the cottage door and jiggled it while shoving it open. She knew the little knack to it by now. He followed her through the gate and up the garden path. He was pulling a large suitcase behind him while struggling with two duffle bags slung over his shoulders.

The empty cottage was cold, having been vacant for months. She reached to her left and switched on the hallway lamp, then pushed the front door wide open to make space for him to come in behind her. He pushed the front door shut and dropped the duffels and suitcase on the faded rug.

The house may have been cold, but being back there brought feelings of warmth back to her. The times she had stayed over, listening to music, watching films, fucking.

‘Why don’t you go upstairs while I turn the heating on?’ He suggested, resting a hand on her waist and stooping down to place a soft kiss on her shoulder. The butterflies that had been there since the moment she saw him earlier in the night went crazy. She nodded, and headed up the narrow stairs.

The fourth step creaked loudly, bringing a smile to her face. They would always take care to avoid that step if they came in late at night so as not to wake up his housemate Larry. Larry had chosen to go to a bar with the other guys after the gig, saying he couldn’t wait for a beer. She suspected he really was going to give them some privacy in the cottage. She navigated her way across the landing in the dark, pushing the last door to the right open. She could hear Van downstairs opening and closing cupboards. She moved across the room to turn his bedside lamp on, but tripped over something on the floor, probably a shoe. She cursed as her toe throbbed and hobbled to the bedside table, switching the lamp on. The light revealed a messy floor, clothes and shoes strewn across the carpet. The bed was roughly made, with a couple of records sat on the covers. She smiled as she pictured Van packing last minute before tour, in a rush because he’d spent the night with her.

‘There should be some clothes in the second drawer if you wanna get changed’ He called up the stairs to her. She responded with a thank you and kicked off her strappy heels, placing them under his wooden bed frame.

She opened the top drawer in his dresser, and found a pair of boxers at the back of the drawer which she knew he never wore, and an oversized flannel shirt. As she slid the shirt over her head, inhaled the musky, woody scent of Van, with only a hint of cigarette smoke. Spotting a pair of thick white socks in the drawer, she slipped those on and set about closing the curtains and fixing the bed. Van was bound to crash from the post-gig adrenaline rush and jet lag soon, and she thought he might appreciate if she cleared his floor quickly.

The bedroom door opened, and he appeared with two steaming mugs. ‘Sorry I’ve not got any milk for tea so it’s instant hot chocolate instead’ He smiled and handed her a mug before setting his own down on a bedside table and kicking his boots off. He put on a record- The Kooks- then sat next to her on the bed while she moved underneath the covers.

‘Thanks’ She sighed contentedly as she sipped the hot drink and sank further under the covers. His stomach flipped at seeing her in his home, so comfortable and looking like she belonged in his clothes.

As they drank their hot chocolate, he began to tell her stories from tour. His favourite gigs, his least favourites. The sights he had seen, the laughs with the lads. She stared at him while he talked, loving how animated he became and fascinated by the stories he had to tell.

‘Larry won’t stop goin’ on at me though, cos there was this one night, they swear it was the best night of the year. So we went to this right wicked bar in New York and this girl Emily- someone Bondy met a few years ago- brought her friends over. But I missed a lot of the night. They said they think they broke some world record or summat’ He chuckled, but his face told her there was more to the story.

‘Well, it sounds like you had a really good time while you were away.’ She was equal parts happy for him and jealous of his time that all those other people and places got. She set her mug down onto the floor and rolled over, resting her elbows on his chest and looking up at him through her hair that fell forward on her face. He looked beautiful from any angle, but from here she could see his long, dark eyelashes perfectly. She could see the slight smudge of mascara under his bottom lashes.

Looking down at her, Van thought this might be his favourite view of her. Aside from her being naked underneath him. ‘Yeah, it was great, mind.’ He hesitated, considering his next words carefully. He was usually confident, reckless even, with his words. This though, was new territory. ‘I missed ya, though.’

She looked down at his necklace, began twirling it between her finger, unable to look him in the eye. A hint of a smile that she was trying to fight broke out on her face. ‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’

‘I… missed you, too.’ She had, of course. She was just still so scared to show how she felt about him, not wanting to mess things up and lose him.

‘Yeah?’ Humour coloured his voice, his lips matching hers in a subtle smile.

‘Yeah.’

She huffed a quiet laugh and dipped her head down to try and conceal her blush.

‘How much?’ She was sure he was teasing her now, trying to draw things out of her that she was, rather pathetically, being too shy to reveal. ‘A little, or a lot?’

‘Ahh’ She groaned. ‘A little, tiny bit’. She held her hand up, indicating with her fingers the little bit she was talking about.

‘Oh really?’ He was teasing again, but decided to keep pushing. ‘But see, I missed you more than that. Quite a bit more actually. Thought about you a lot.’

Her stomach fluttered. Was she picking up the right vibe? Or was she overthinking? Fuck it. ‘I missed you. Loads. And I’ve been thinking about you, too.’

This conversation was painfully slow and awkward. But his heartbeat was picking up pace, feeling as though she might feel the same as he did. Grow up, he thought to himself.

He placed his hand under her chin and gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear so he could see her face more clearly. Her hazel eyes looked more brown than green in this light, which he knew she would hate but he thought they were perfect. Her top lip had a scar that was only visible in dim lights like this. He wondered how he could have ever had any doubt whether he wanted to commit to a relationship with this woman. The way he saw it now, he didn’t have a choice.

‘Babe, I think this is something more than just fun, for me. Do- I mean, what d’ya think?’ He was twirling a strand of her hair round his fingers, watching her eyes intently.

Her grin made his heart beat faster, but in a good way. She leaned up to place a gentle kiss on his lips. It was cheesy as fuck, but they grinned as they kissed. She ran her hands through his hair, she’d missed that feeling. And fuck, he gripped her waist, hidden beneath his clothes, which hung from her body in the sexiest way possible. She felt him pull her all the way on top of him, deepening their kiss. This time, it was slower than right after the gig. It was lazier- no, not lazy. It was them taking their time, drawing the moment out. Exploring again.

He lifted his shirt higher up her back, running his hands up her spine. Further, around her ribs and up to cup her bare breasts. He began rubbing around her nipples softly, loving the soft moans it elicited. She pushed her chest further into his hands. Breaking their kiss, he lifted her arms in the air. Slowly, teasingly, he ran his hands down her arms, trailing down her ribs until he reached the hem of the shirt. He pulled it over her head and threw it somewhere across the room. Van wasted no time leaning in to suck a nipple, toying the other one with one hand and peeking up at her face, angelic and beautiful.

She placed her knees on either side of him, naturally, instinctively moving her hips to grind against his crotch. She began to unbutton his black shirt, slowly revealing his chest. She pulled back and lifted off of his lap so he could sit up and take the shirt off. She worked on unbuckling his belt, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans. There was no slow and sexy way to take off his skinny jeans, he jumped up and removed one leg first, hopping while pulling them off the other leg. She kicked off her (his) socks and then took off the boxers she wore.

He playfully shoved her back on the bed, making her squeal and laugh. The got tangled in each other, kissing and laughing, feeling each other’s bodies properly for the first time in more than 6 months. They’d both been fantasising about being able to do this for so long. And they were both so ready.

He hooked his arm under her leg and positioned himself at her entrance, marvelling at her naked body, even better than he remembered, even better than the late-night fantasies. As he pushed inside, he realised he’d missed that little gasp she did every time, the way her nose and brow scrunched up. She wrapped her legs around him as he pushed into her, slowly. This time wasn’t like all the other times before, it wasn’t even like the time earlier. It was so much more. This time, all the emotions that had been building up from the last 6 months, even the last year or more. Since the moment they met, this connection and intensity had been building.

She had known he didn’t want to commit to a relationship, and she hadn’t pushed for it because she had been having fun, liking where it was going. He knew he wanted to spend as much time as possible with her but had been so stupid, not wanting to commit to her. It was just he had seen relationships fail because he wasn’t always around, and there were always women and drugs and late nights. None of that mattered. He’d been falling for her before he left for tour. He’d thought it would kill him to leave her that night. Realising that he wasn’t interested in women and late nights the way he was before, he’d rather call her, wait for her call. And this time round it was more than he would have imagined.

He thrusted hard, but slow. Keeping the pace, wanting it to last. The sex was always good, but she could have sworn there was something this time that made it as good as it could get. His stare made her body buzz again, like an out of body feeling.

She gently pushed his chest back, until he was sitting up. She climbed onto his lap and sat down on him, wrapping her hands around his neck. Keeping their stare unbroken, she began to ride him just how she knew drove him crazy, slowly, steady rhythm.

‘Fuck… just like that’ He groaned, gripping her bum as she bounced. His groans spurred her on, wanting to make him feel good. ‘Ohh, that’s it, babe.’

She kept going, feeling him so deep and hitting that angle just right. As he chased his orgasm, he started thrusting up into her. Soon, they were both gripping each other tightly, matching each other’s pace.

‘Ahh, Van’ She moaned into his hair, as their peaks came closer and closer. The sound of skin slapping, the bed frame squeaking and both of them moaning echoed through the room, through the whole cottage.

She exploded first, tightening around him and pushing herself further onto him. He cried out at the sensation of her wrapping around him. Then he cried out as he came undone, tugging on her hair.

They sat like that, her on top of his lap with her legs wrapped round his torso for a moment. He broke the silence first. ‘I love you’.

Her heart skipped a beat. She should probably see a doctor at this point, with how irregular her heartbeat was around him. ‘Pillow talk, Van.’ She teased, not wanting to get her hopes up. She already couldn’t believe her luck at him wanting to be with her- only her- she was afraid he was getting caught up in the moment, the passion and saying things he wouldn’t mean tomorrow.

He gently lifted her up from his lap and laid her back on the bed. Feeling his cum run down her legs again, she asked ‘What did you do with my underwear?’ with a laugh.

He laughed ‘Fucked them in the kitchen bin. Hold on here a second.’ He left the room for a few moments, still naked. He returned with a damp towel and a smile, coming to gently wipe between her legs, then throwing the towel in the laundry basket.

He threw himself back on the bed next to her, holding an arm out until she lifted her head and rested it on his shoulder, nuzzling in.

‘I meant it, ya know.’

‘Will you mean it in the morning?’ She hated how insecure she sounded. She never wanted to be that girl; she wasn’t that girl. She just needed to know it was real.

‘I’ll love you tomorrow, and the day after that, and for as long as you’ll have me. I wouldn’t mess with you about that. I’ve fucking missed you this whole time. I love you.’

She couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face. ‘I love you, too.’

‘So, you wanna give this a go then?’ He was stroking her shoulder lazily. And it felt like this was where they were meant to be. ‘Cos I’m all in.’

#catfish and the bottlemen #van mccann #catb #vanfic #vanfiction #van McCann fanfic #catb fanfic #catfish and the bottle men fanfic #smut #van x reader #van McCann x reader #the balcony #the ride #the balance #smutty fic #Van McCann #Van McCann fanfic

[tractorbeamofwoe]

A/N: got a request on tumblr to write a hurt/comfort Van fic (although this is more hurt and angst than comfort) and I decided to base it on Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo. Enjoy :)

Word Count: 1277

***

The problems started when Van was spending less and less time with me. Whenever I called him out on it he'd always shrug it off with "she's just a friend" "we're just friends" but it was clear to me that he cared for her much more than a friend.

Sometimes it felt like I was just the friend. The friend who he lived with and shared a bed with. The friend who got up and made him coffee in the mornings and the friend who would pick him up from tour.

"Who are you texting?" I'd ask

And it would always be "Oh just a friend."

And then I'd always point out "But you never text Bondy or Larry that much, they're your friends aren't they?"

And again he'd dismiss it "Yeah, course, she's just talkative that's all."

Then when I'd tell him to pause things, wrap up the conversation to watch TV with me and eat the dinner I'd cooked for him that was already going cold, he'd always sigh and reluctantly shove his phone in his back pocket only to have it back out again two minutes later.

It was infuriating.

So when it came to ending things, I had to take charge and confront him. It was kind of ironic really, because for the last few months things had been awful and we'd be arguing constantly and only when I wanted to break up with him did things start getting better. In a way it was also planned, because I wanted it to be unexpected. I wanted it to hurt him as much as it hurt me to sit there and watch him slowly fall for this other girl while not being able to do a single thing about it.

He'd put in the effort to take me out for dinner, but drove us home early because he didn't like my attitude. Well, I didn't like him texting his "friend" about where we were and what we were doing, but we can't always get our way.

That was when I told him it was over and he was livid. We had possibly the worst screaming match we'd ever had but it was refreshing and I'd needed to get everything off my chest for a long time.

"Goodbye Y/N." He huffed, packing his bags and slamming the front door. I know I shouldn't have, but I began smiling as a wave of relief just washed over me. Like some weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It wasn't meant to be, and while it hurt, it would heal and I'd move on. Right?

The bedroom window was open and I could hear Van on the phone outside, grumbling about needing to be picked up because he'd just been dumped as he scuffed his boots on the tarmac pavement feeling sorry for himself.

"Good riddance." I called, though not directly to him, as a car pulled up and Van got in, greeting the pretty blonde girl in the driver's seat.

For the first time in a while I had a deep sleep, no tossing and turning as I tried to switch off and stop worrying about what tomorrow might bring. Now the main problem was resolved, I finally had the chance to start working on myself. I was going out more and reconnecting with old friends, I was more productive at work and I was cooking different meals for myself every night.

But trouble shortly followed just a fortnight later as I was doing a nightly scroll through my socials before bed in the summer heat, about to brush my teeth and turn out the light when a post caught my eye.

"Van McCann spotted with new girl" was the sentence that stood out to me and I couldn't help but laugh to myself. I considered liking or reposting it, knowing it would become some sort of gossip amongst fans, who had no idea we'd even broken up.

As far as anyone else knew, it was just a polite acknowledgement of the fact that we'd both moved on, but Van didn't see it that way and he started blowing up my phone 20 minutes later with angry texts and missed calls.

Van

"What the fuck"

"Pick up"

"Pick up right now"

"Y/N answer the phone"

"For fucks sake"

There was no avoiding it, and no point riling him up either. I had no choice but to pick up when he called again, his words fuelled with so much hatred I could practically hear the spit flying from his lips as he hissed down the phone.

"You know I'm not calling to make amends so don't try and play innocent cause I've got some fucking words to say to you, alright?" He sounded like he'd had a couple of drinks, the end of his sentence slurred a little. He never loses his cool under stress, which made me a little worried, but he wasn't mine to worry about anymore and right now he couldn't care less how I was doing.

"Why the fuck would you go stirring up rumours and shit with the fans? We're done, we're over now and I'm happy in my relationship. Block my fucking number I don't want anything to do with you, you clearly just want attention."

His words stung, but I wasn't going down without a fight. "Why don't you just block me?" I retorted, raising my voice and waiting for it to echo through before Van argued back.

"Well I don't know Y/N, you tell me. If I block you you might spin it into another one of your stories to make me look bad." He spat, petty as ever and I really didn't see the point in arguing with him when he wasn't even thinking straight. But I guess there was still some bad blood between us that needed to be addressed.

"If you didn't wanna look bad, maybe you should've thought about what you were doing before you started flirting with your new woman in the middle of our relationship!" I screeched, rolling over and getting out of bed to open the window. My room was still too hot and it was getting on my nerves.

"What, you're saying I'm some sort of cheater? You're the one who broke up with me over a fucking text message with a friend!"

"Well I wouldn't know if you'd slept with her or not, you never fucking told me anything! I think I was right to end things considering how quickly you ran to her afterwards!" I didn't go back to bed then, I wasn't relaxed enough to sleep anymore, instead I slumped down in the chair beside the window and left the phone on speaker on the other side of the room as Van continued to rant and rave.

"Well I don't even feel bad and I would never take you back even if I did!" Was the last sentence he came out with before I couldn't take any more. I darted from my seat and snatched my phone back from where it was laying on the mattress.

"Fuck you Van!" I yelled before hanging up and blocking his number. I huffed as I turned out the light, angrily throwing myself onto the bed and scrunching my eyes shut in an attempt to speed up the process of falling asleep.

That was the last I ever heard from him and sometimes I found myself wondering if things might have been different.

Perhaps if he'd used his head and I'd listened to my heart we could have made a change, worked things out.

Or perhaps we were doomed from the start...

#Catfish and the bottlemen #van mccann #catfish and the bottlemen fic #Catfish and the bottlemen angst #Vanfic #van mccann angst

[your-divine-ribs]

Expectations (Dad Van)

Words: 3.2k

Valentine’s Day when you’re heavily pregnant, no warnings just fluff 💗

Dad Van Masterlist Main Masterlist

It wasn't getting any easier. You were eight months pregnant and ready to pop. Your back ached, your muscles were strained and you were bone-weary tired. Since your perfect little rounded baby-belly had grown exponentially with no signs of slowing down you'd barely had more than three hours unbroken sleep, tossing and turning in bed at night in a fruitless attempt to get comfortable and getting up for frequent toilet breaks, and that wasn't the only problem. You felt like your body wasn't your own anymore, that the baby wasn't just taking up temporary residence but had moved in and completely taken over. The feeling was akin to being a lodger in your own house.

Of course you didn't begrudge the little one, you already loved her more than life itself and you'd not even met her yet, but boy were you impatient now. The pregnancy glow had dissipated quickly as you'd entered the third trimester and now you just felt huge and cumbersome and heavy and just so bloody exhausted, not to mention thoroughly undesirable. Not that your boyfriend would agree. If anything he just craved you all the more, showering you with affection and compliments and tender touches that quickly turned needy. He literally couldn't keep his hands off you, and who were you to deny him when he made you feel so good?

It had been a long day at work and you let out a drawn out sigh of relief as you pulled up on to your driveway. The promise of maternity leave was now only two weeks away but it may as well have been two years the way the days stretched on ahead of you seemingly endlessly.

"Hey, I'm home!" You called into the quiet house, ears straining for a response, a smile stretching on your lips at the faint call of "up here love... come on up... I've run you a bath..."

In truth you were envious of the way that Van's career gave him the freedom to work the hours he chose, letting him shun the 9 to 5 rat-race that you were embroiled in, but at times like this you were thankful. Now you were on the home stretch of your pregnancy he'd cancelled all touring and engagements and he was there waiting for you each day after work with a warm hug and a smile. He wasn't the typical house-husband type and his domestic skills left a lot to be desired, but he was trying so hard, and that was the important thing.

You hung up your coat and trudged up the stairs, the effort quickly leaving you panting for breath, unbuttoning your blouse and shrugging out of it as you went.

"Did ya have a good day love?"

Van looked up as you entered the bathroom, his eyes quickly leaving yours to trail over the expanse of your swollen belly. You didn't think it was possible to convey love as much from just a look but it was blatantly obvious the way that his eyes lit up as he gazed on your heavily pregnant form. It caught you off guard every time, a warm glow erupting in your chest as he quickly crossed to you with his arms outstretched.

"It was okay I guess, just the same old shit every day. I'm just so tired and everything aches. How about you? What've you been up to?"

Van's hands curled around your hips as he looked down on you. "Well I finished painting the nursery at last. It's looking really good now, all ready for our little princess."

Again his gaze sank to your belly, a hand tenderly brushing over your skin as he crouched down to talk directly to the large bump. "And how's my little lady doing? You been behaving yourself for mummy today?"

He was answered with a kick and you giggled at the perfect timing. You were certain that your unborn daughter could pick out Van's voice as she often responded to it, livening up immediately when she heard him. You often found yourself day-dreaming, fast-forwarding in your head, picturing Van and her laughing and playing, cooking up wild scenarios and going on epic adventures limited only by a child's imagination, the perfect duo. You just knew that they were going to be partners in crime and you'd probably end up on the receiving end of their mischievous pranks before she'd even learnt to talk properly. And you couldn't wait.

"She can hear you, she's kicking! Here... put your hand right here!"

You placed your hand atop Van's, sliding it across your tummy to where a little foot or hand or elbow was currently pummelling you from the inside, watching Van's expression turn to wonderment as he felt the vibrations through your skin.

"Yeah, yeah I can feel her! Hey little one! Whatcha doing in there?" He looked up at you. "She's got a right kick on her hasn't she? I swear she's gonna be a footballer." Back to your belly. "You gonna play for United yeah? Make your daddy proud?"

You rolled your eyes, laughing. "More like a boxer I'd say. She's been kicking the shit out of me all day, using my bladder as a punch bag!"

Van chuckled, leaning in to plant a kiss just above your navel and then rising to his feet and indicating the bath.

"You gonna get in then before it gets cold? I've just got some stuff to do downstairs."

Your brow creased into a little frown, disappointment flickering through you. "You not joining me? You know... 'cause it's Valentine's Day and all that? Make up for not even bothering to get me a card or a bunch of roses!"

You narrowed your eyes at him, letting mock-annoyance tinge your words. You weren't really bothered. You knew that he hated the commercial side of Valentines and to be honest you did too, but you couldn't resist teasing him. His eyes widened, feigning offence.

"You really need me to get you a sappy card and a bunch of over-priced flowers to show my love for ya? Nah... that just won't cut it. Got something else planned haven't I? And it's much better than all that..."

He trailed off, his voice mysterious which instantly kicked your intrigue into overdrive. He was wearing that cheeky little smirk on his lips now that made your pulse quicken and you wondered what he had planned.

"Are you gonna make love to me on a bed of rose petals?" You grinned up at him, watched him shake his head. "Whisk me off to Paris maybe?" He pulled a face.

"You'll find out soon enough. Now go on, have your bath... relax for a bit. Then come downstairs straight after, yeah?"

"Okay, okay. This'd better be good McCann!"

"Oh it will be!"

He shot you a cheeky wink and leant forward to press a small kiss to your cheek, then he was darting out of the bathroom and bounding quickly down the stairs, his footsteps receding as you heard him moving down the hallway.

The bath was just what you needed and you sank down into the fragrant bubbles, feeling the knots of tension loosen as your muscles soaked up the heavenly warmth. You didn't even realise that you'd fallen asleep until a loud crashing sound wrenched you out of your slumber and you sat bolt upright, water sloshing over the side of the tub.

It was completely quiet and you began to think that maybe it was the remnants of a dream, but then you heard another noise, a metallic thunk followed by a string of curses. What the hell was he doing down there?

The piercing sound of the smoke alarm gave you your answer and you groaned out loud. Van's disastrous forays into cooking were almost legendary and you were still haunted by the time he almost set the kitchen on fire trying to flash-fry a steak. Thankfully catastrophe was averted and the only casualties were his singed eyebrows and a bruised ego, but it could have been a lot worse. Heaven knows what carnage he could be causing downstairs right now.

So you reluctantly hauled your pregnant frame out of the bath tub and dried yourself down with a fluffy towel which you quickly secured around your chest, opening the bathroom door and calling down the stairs.

"You alright down there? What's going on?"

The reply was immediate, shouted back up with gusto. "Yeah, everything's fine! Don't worry! Got everything under control babe! Just had a... minor mishap..."

You sighed, considering returning to the bath, but the warmth had started to leech from the water and the skin on your fingertips had started to shrivel so you pulled the plug and turned to look at your reflection in the large mirror situated over the sink, letting the towel drop to the floor. Wiping away the condensation you were met with a version of yourself that you barely recognised. Your skin was stretched tightly over your stomach which was now protruding that much that you could no longer see your feet. Your breasts were swollen and heavy, having gone up two cup sizes... much to Van's delight. Then there were the stretch marks. A network of fine red stripes stretching all over the underside of your baby bump. Tiger stripes. You hated them with a passion, even knowing that eventually they'd fade to faint silvery lines, but Van wouldn't hear you moan about them. You smiled to yourself as you recalled him kissing them tenderly, telling you that they were simply part of you, so he loved them just as much as the rest of you.

Another barrage of curse words drifted up from downstairs, snatching your attention away from the mirror and you grabbed for your fluffy robe, slipping into it and padding downstairs quickly on your bare feet.

You could smell the acrid scent of burning and see the air thick with smoke before you'd even pushed fully through the kitchen door and you braced yourself when you did, coming to a stop with your mouth agape, stunned by the sight before you. There were discarded pans in the sink coated with congealed burnt on food and boiled over pots on the stove. Dark splotches of a thick red sauce was sprayed up the usually pristine white cupboard surfaces. But that wasn't what really caught your attention.

There in the midst of it all was Van, his face creased into an awkward smile, splattered with pasta sauce... completely stark bollock naked apart from a garish pink novelty Valentine's apron bearing the words 'Will You Be Mine?'

"Alright love," he said meekly. "I really wanted to make you a nice dinner, but I think I might have fucked it up a little bit..."

You were quiet for a moment, taking in the scene, but not for long. How could you dwell on the kitchen chaos when you were faced with that?

"Oh my god... what the hell are you wearing? Or should I say what aren't you wearing?"

Van's face instantly cracked into a wide playful grin. "Ta-da!" He smirked proudly. "You like it?"

"It's... it's..." you trailed off into another fit of giggles as Van held out his arms and gave you a twirl... and an eyeful in the process. "I don't know what to say! I'm actually speechless for once!"

"How about 'come ere sexy?'"

You crossed the kitchen in a few steps, straight into his waiting arms, both laughing as he tried to pull you in tight for a hug but your huge baby bump prevented your bodies from meeting.

"Think something's come between us!" You quipped, then you pulled back, eyeing the gaudy apron with amusement. "So this is it, eh? This is my big Valentine's present? You practically naked? I'm surprised you didn't jump out of a giant cake or wrap yourself up in shiny paper with a big ribbon or something!"

"You can still unwrap me if ya like love?" He grinned, eyes twinkling with mischief. "Maybe after dinner?"

"Dinner?" You echoed, your eyes darting to the chaos behind him, your nose wrinkling in distaste at the pungent smell of burnt food. You'd long gotten over the nausea of morning sickness but the idea of trying to stomach one of Van's culinary creations was making your gut churn. "So... what did you make?"

"Well... it was supposed to be some posh pasta dish... saw Gordon Ramsey cooking it online. It's just not turned out quite how it was supposed to. I mean, we might be able to salvage it..." he paused, the sheepish look returning as he glanced behind him at the mess. "Or I could just do us beans on toast?" His voice rose up hopefully, face scrunching doubtfully. "Or there's some pizzas in the freezer... or maybe we could get a takeaway?"

"Takeaway sounds good!" You hurriedly blurted, relieved to have a choice that didn't involve Van's cooking, grabbing hold of his hand when you saw the disappointment etched on his face although he was trying to hide it. "Hey, all this is great, I really do appreciate it you know. Don't feel bad about it."

"But I do feel bad love. I really wanted to do something special for you, make it romantic. You do so much and you never complain and I'm just a bit..." he paused, shrugging whilst he searched for the right word. "Useless..."

"Awww don't say that!" You made a grab for his other hand, drawing him close and looking up at him. "You've been doing loads recently. You've completely decorated the nursery, you've been out buying loads of stuff, you've come to all the ante-natal classes with me..."

"Yeah, and I about bloody passed out when the midwife was going through your birth plan. What am I gonna be like at the real thing? I'm probably just gonna go and let you down."

You giggled. "You'll be fine, honestly, you'll see. We both will be as long as we're together."

He smiled then, gave a small sigh and a shrug, and then a little frown creased his features. "I'm trying Y/N, I really am. I've wanted to be a dad for as long as I can remember and I'm so excited, but now it's only weeks away I keep stressing, worrying I'm not doing enough. I wanna do as much as I can, look after you, and the baby when she's here." His eyes strayed down to your bump, glowing fondly. "Wanna take care of both of you."

"You're doing great Van, you really are," you assured him. "I certainly got no complaints."

He didn't look convinced. "But I can't even cook a simple pasta dish! And you should have seen me painting the nursery earlier. I swear I ended up with more paint in my hair than than on the walls! I'm just rubbish at all this 'hands on' stuff. And what about when the baby's here? What if I do something wrong? What if I'm a shit dad?"

He looked so earnest it made your heart ache. It was only a few weeks back that you'd been wracked with worries and doubts yourself when you'd been packing your hospital bag in advance as instructed. It had suddenly all seemed too real and too imminent and you'd panicked, wondering how on earth you were actually going to physically birth the baby and then feed and look after her. Van had been right there at your side, a comforting arm around your shoulder, his free hand brushing away the tears that had rolled down your cheeks as you'd offloaded all your worries on to him. His gentle caresses and words of comfort had eventually coaxed you around to a more positive state as he'd told you how strong you were and how much he admired you and how you were going to be "the best mum the world had ever seen". Then he'd made you laugh when he'd backtracked and added, "Just don't tell my mum I said that or she'll kill me!"

Now you'd switched roles and you were the one building up Van's wavering confidence. Few people saw this side of him. He was always outwardly so self-assured, but you knew the real Van. The one who took so much pride in everything that he did that anything short of perfection was deemed a failure.

You disentangled your fingers from his so you could reach up and cup his face with both of your hands, thumbs brushing his freckled cheeks.

"You are so not going to be a shit dad!" You told him, your voice coming out firmer than intended which caused his lips to curl into a smile. "You're one of the kindest, most caring people I know. Fair enough, you're a crap cook..." You paused, a laugh bubbling up which Van echoed. "But our little girl is going to the luckiest girl in the world to have a dad like you. I bet there's not many babies that've already got about three albums worth of songs written for them before they've even been born! You're gonna be a great dad and she's gonna love you so much."

He hung on your every word, his smile growing as you spoke, his hands sliding around your waist.

"And I'm gonna love her too. I already do. You wouldn't believe how much Y/N... I didn't even think it was possible to ever love anyone as much as I love you, but I do. And that's a whole lot of fucking love!"

He chuckled, his fingers flexing on your waist, squeezing you gently. You felt so much love and affection at that moment you were sure that you were positively glowing with it. And he hadn't finished yet.

"Honestly babe, I don't know what I did to deserve you. You make me so happy."

"And I love you too," you replied, pushing yourself up on to the balls of your feet as you tilted his face down to meet yours. "Come here you big softy!"

You pressed your lips to his and he practically purred in appreciation, his hands sliding further around your waist as he pulled you as close to him as your baby bump would allow. The kiss was soft and sweet and his lips were warm and enticing, moving slowly against yours, savouring your closeness.

Your hands fell away, reaching for his hips and you smiled against his mouth as you felt the bare skin there. You'd almost forgotten about your Valentines surprise, such a typical Van gesture.

You pulled away, fixing him with a sexy little smile as your fingers located the apron string, tugging on it until it came undone. He smirked down on you, his eyes simmering with a gentle kind of heat which warmed you through.

"What're you doing love? Thought you were gonna unwrap me after dinner?"

"Yeah well... I changed my mind. Maybe I want my dessert before dinner..."

Then you were both laughing, smiling into the kiss, wrapped up in each other's arms.

#dad van #catfish and the bottlemen #van mccann #van mccann x reader #au fanfic #vanfic

[catb-fics]

Ice cold van is my favvvvv omg I love that story sm and I love the pics u use

He’s so sexy 💙

I am going to start posting that one tomorrow I’m having to re-write everything to change the pov though as it’s been annoying me since about chapter 3 now 😭

Here’s some of my collection…

#ice cold #vanfic #van mccann

[honestlyvan]

Title: Three movements in C minor Fandom: Alan Wake Tags: Alex Casey's Shit Life Syndrome, pre-AW2, Canon compliant on a technicality Summary: Introduction, development, recapitulation. Length: 1365 words

Dedicated to @saikkunen. Look at what you've done to me.

#vanfic #Alex Casey #Saga Anderson #This is PRIMARILY sadfic #We'll see if I write anything cheerier later #Alan Wake (Remedy)

[imvanspacifierr]

homesick (van mccann)

🤍this is my first time writing a fic so bare that in mind haha, loosely based off homesick but i got quite carried away. it was only supposed to be 1K words max oops. let me know which song fic you want to see next or any ideas for them. feedback would be appreciated🤍

wattpad

word count: 8K

warnings: swearing, alcohol

Van had always been an “over protective boyfriend” from making you call him every time you get home after leaving his place even though you literally lived across the street or texting him that you’re home and alright after every shift at your work. Sometimes you thought it was a bit much but at the same time you were so lucky with how much he cares about you.When he was on tour... this wasn't the case. He would go days without talking to you because he was too busy. You were ecstatic the band finally started to get the recognition they deserved however, this also meant they had more dates on tour and they started to fly across the world for weeks on end. You were so proud of them but you never got to see Van or the other members anymore. You were basically the 5th member of the band alongside Larry, the 6 of you were inseparable but then life happened and you had to get a job which completely changed everything.

Once you were touring up and down the country with your best friends, cramped into a van, driving to cities you’ve never been to before and getting to see the love of your life bouncing around on stage for 2 hours a night while he pursued his dreams but now you’re stuck in a dead end job, pulling pints for lifeless people in a tiny town you’ve always wanted to get away from without the people you loved most.

It was understandable that you were jealous of how they’re going all around the world doing the thing they love most while you have to live a normal life. You knew you shouldn’t feel jealous but it was so hard to feel happy when you didn’t even feel included anymore.

You were snuggled up to Van on his sofa watching some shit afternoon gameshow because there was nothing good on the telly to watch, resting your head on his shoulder, barely keeping your eyes open when he told you the news, “Um... forgot to tell you... me and the lids are going to Australia tomorrow... and then straight to Japan... then to America but then back here” he stuttered the words out while stroking your hair. You stayed silent trying to process what he had just said. “Y/N... love, please don’t be too upset. I would have told you sooner but i didn’t want to ruin today and i only found out last minute, I swear.” His voice did that high pitched thing he does when he’s defensive and nervous towards the end, trying to explain why he’s just telling you the day before.

Lifting your head up off his shoulder while staring at the floor so you couldn’t see his face, you quietly said “for how long?” you looked up, met his gaze, and his face dropped. He broke eye contact immediately, started fidgeting with the sleeves of his soft black jumper and said “2 months” almost whispering. You could feel your eyes starting to overflow with tears. You didn’t dare look at him because it would just make it worse. It’ll remind you that you won’t be able to see his wonky teeth, crooked smile, beautiful blue eyes, long lashes, silky lips, the freckles scattered over his pale skin, his lanky frame dressed in scruffy colourless clothes.

You felt him move, sitting up next to you, draping his arm over your shoulder and pulling you into his side. He pressed a ghost-like kiss on your cheek and now he was resting his head on your tense shoulder for a bit before lifting it up, he could tell that you were struggling. You turned your head to say something and he had already been looking at you. Big mistake. You just broke down into tears.

This would be the longest they’ve been away from you since you had met them in your early teens.

You met Van and Larry when you were 12, you had just moved in opposite Van’s parent’s B&B and they offered to help bring boxes in and unpack with you and your parents since it was summer and it was the sticky kind of weather that really makes it hard to do anything productive in. After getting all the boxes in and unpacking a few they invited you all over for a cuppa in their garden. When you walked into their back garden there were two boys your age, Bernie called them over and introduced you to them. You were always quite shy but they just started talking to you like you had been hanging out with them all their life. The rest of the summer you spent it with Van and Larry, they showed you around the whole of the town, showed you their favourite places to go and they told you people to avoid at school.

When the summer was over, you started at their secondary school. They showed you to all your classes, even the ones they weren’t in, just so they could have an excuse to be late to their next lessons. Any classes you were in with either of them, they sat with you even if they had other friends in the class. Within a few weeks, you had met a few girl friends but they didn’t compare with the lads at all, they were all fake and didn’t really like each other and would bitch about anyone who wasn’t there. So you stayed with Van and Larry throughout your school years.

After 2 and a half years of living there, you started to like Van in a different way... you noticed your feelings change when he got his first girlfriend. Obviously there were rumours that you were with either Larry or Van but especially Van, because of how much you hung out and it’s known that if a girl and a boy are friends, people just presume that they’re together. You never heard the end of it from kids in school. Van didn’t care about the rumours, in fact he embraced them in a way.

If people were staring at us two he would put his arm around you or try and hold your hand just to wind you up because he knew how much you hated the rumours. Even your own mam and dad asked if you and van we’re seeing each other because every night after school he would come over to yours or you would go to his and listen to his vinyl and cds, same at your house. You loved the same music, from stereophonics to the strokes or arctic monkeys to oasis.

One particular night, you and Van were listening to the new Arctic Monkeys album “humbug” while lying on your bed. He mentioned that he had started seeing one of the girls from school, that was the moment you realised you loved Van. Your heart dropped. You just shrugged it off and picked up your guitar to try and play along to cornerstone while Van was trying to do an Alex Turner impression, which he failed miserably at.

The next week dragged in and you didn’t see van after school until Friday night when you got a text asking you to go to his. You were confused and a bit nervous, he said that he was going to his girlfriend’s house. Anyways, you wandered across the road and Mary opened the door and said, “Knew he’d get you to fix his broken heart” while smiling and she gave you a hug. You smiled to yourself while walking to his bedroom, he was sat on the floor next to his record player while it was spinning humbug by Arctic Monkeys like last week. You sat down next to him, resting your back against his bedroom wall as he told you about how she broke up with him because her friends thought she could “do better”.

This was the first time you had ever seen him like this, not with a cheeky grin on his face, he genuinely looked broken. He had his head in his hands, “Y/N, be honest, do you think I didn’t deserve her?” you were shocked, you never thought you’d hear van saying anything like this. He was known for being cocky and slightly narcissistic so seeing him like this was out of character. You tapped him on the shoulder so he would look up at you, his face was red and his hair messy. You hugged him and said, “No you didn’t deserve her, you deserve someone who actually likes you the way you are.” You then started making jokes about her and her mates to cheer him up, it worked.

The two of you were laughing all night about things, you ended up staying at his house that night. It was around 2am and you were still awake, just talking about random things until Van changed the conversation, “You know what you said earlier about how I deserve someone who genuinely likes me... I already know the perfect person” he was looking right into your eyes, you could feel the butterflies in your stomach rising. You just giggled and joked saying “Wow you move on quick McCann! Who is the lucky girl? “ you were hoping playing dumb would calm your nerves or change the whole conversation but he put his hand on your cheek and said, “She’s right here”.

You were burning up, you didn’t even know how to respond to it. You had no idea he felt the same way you did. He looked confused when you were just sat there gobsmacked, he moved his hand away and said “Well? Don’t leave me hanging Y/N, what do you say?” you were even more confused by that question, you looked at him finally and said “Wait what am I answering?” you knew what he was asking but you just wanted to make sure that this wasn’t just your imagination running wild. Van just started laughing “for fucks sake, i’ll spell it out. Will – you – be – my – girlfriend?” you couldn’t find the words, you just nodded and said “Yeah, go on then”. Before sharing the most awkward first kiss, when teeth collide. Ever since that moment, nearly 6 years ago, you and van have happily been together.

Not long after this, Van started a band. That’s when you met Benji, he started practicing bass and the rest of the band would rehearse nearly everyday in Van’s parent’s garage. You and Larry would watch and help out with restringing guitars when Van strummed too fast and you would try to tune the guitars like how your dad showed you. You and Benji would play video games while Larry and Van argued about what we should order to eat or what songs should make the setlist at a pub where 4 people had bought tickets.

After only a few weeks of touring throughout the country, even going hours away to scotland, a new drummer joined. That’s when you met Bob, he was nothing like the others. While they were loud and full of life, he was shy and quite reserved. You and Bob quickly became close, you were both very awkward which made trying to talk to each other very tricky but it was amusing to the others. However, you both quickly became good friends after a few days despite that.

The band started getting booked for festivals up and down the country, even some in other parts of Europe and a very small leg of an American festival run! You travelled with them as a roadie but you knew deep down, unlike Larry, you weren’t going to stay a part of the team because you didn’t really do that much technical work, you were more like a pa to everyone else. After this you had to step back from the roadie role, everyone was gutted and Van tried to make you stay but you needed a stable job to help your parents pay the bills.

This year welcomed a new guitarist to the band, Johnny Bond. He’s one of the funniest people you’ve ever met and it felt like he had been in the band since the start. That summer you spent it like the old times, in Van’s parent’s garage. You and Larry watched as they played songs Van had written years ago but now they had a new life and meaning. You never wanted them 2 weeks to end because that would be your last time with the band for a month. Unfortunately they flew by, each day would end in drunken story telling and reflecting on some of the worst yet hilarious stories of being on tour.

That month they were away was one of the worst times of your life, your job was driving you mad since your boss constantly put you on shifts because "you have nothing else better to do". You would have given anything to just be able to walk to Van's and listen to him tell you that it's all going to be fine or how he's gonna "beat up your boss because he treats you like shit". You wish you could just go and have a pint with your mates to make you feel better but no. You were alone with only a lousy message every now and then from Van.

You were still in tears, all these memories came flooding back to you in a matter of seconds. Hitting you like bricks. Actually, being hit by several bricks would probably hurt less than the realisation that you couldn’t carry on like this. You stood up from his sofa, breaking away from him. “I’m sorry I have to go, just need some space” muttering as you walked to his front door to get your shoes on and you saw his legs move into eyesight as you were tying your laces. “I’m so sorry Y/n, I mean it” he sighed. You stood up, he went to give you a hug but you dodged it, reaching for your leather jacket that used to be one of his. As you opened the door, Van solemnly begged “Still come to the pub later with me and the lids like we planned, they all miss you like mad, yeah?” you slightly nodded and walked out closing the door behind you but not looking back.

A few hours of sobbing in your bedroom had passed, it was almost the time you said you would meet at the local pub. You didn’t know if you could face it. You know if you didn’t go, you’d regret it however if you went you know you won’t be able to hold back the tears, you were a mess. When you had gotten in from Van’s you took down all the pictures you had of him and the others off your wall because you couldn’t stand the sight of them. You had put all of Van’s tops, jumpers and other things lying around in your house into a bag that you were going to give back to him. You took off the bracelet Van got you on your 6 year anniversary last year and hid it where you wouldn’t be tempted to put it back on. You took all of the catfish demos, vinyl and cds van had given you over the years, with handwritten notes describing how much he loves you and how these songs wouldn’t exsist without you.

It was 10 minutes before you were supposed to be meeting them, you were staring at the clock hoping that time would just pause so you had more time to collect yourself or had more time to even decide whether to go or not.

You looked in your mirror and practically jumpscared yourself. You had mascara running down your swollen face. ‘jesus christ! I really am a mess’ you thought as you scanned your appearance. Then you also saw in the corner of your mirror a photo booth picture strip you and van did on their last uk tour in one of the O2 academy venues. That made your decision right then and there.

You quickly ran to the bathroom and washed your face to get the residue of ruined makeup off your face and tried to then apply more to cover up the redness of your eyes. Just as you were topping up your lipstick you heard a knock on your door and then your mam near enough shrinking, “Van! It’s so nice to see you again, how’s the rock n roll life treating you then?” you could hear them talking downstairs which bought you more time to get dressed out of one of your old band hoodies and joggers into a slightly newer hoodie and jeans. You took one last look in the mirror to check there was no evidence that you’ve just had a bit of a mental breakdown down. As you go to walk down the stairs you suddenly remember your bracelet so you quickly put it back on.

As you turned to go into the living room you smile, you’re so lucky that your parents get on with Van so well. They were sitting there with a cuppa while your mam was saying how she’d watched their t in the park set on the tv and that she can’t wait to see them live again. Van was beaming, he had been telling her stories about festivals they had done while I was here, working in the shitty pub. You were stood there in complete awe of Van, his over exaggerated hand movements as he tries to explain how “mental” the crowds have been and his smile as he is saying that he can’t believe how many people now love the band. After he was done telling your mam the infamous reading story about how a lad got his kick off and was upside down in the middle of their set because Van dared him to do it, you coughed to get their attention. If you didn’t do that they’d both be talking for days. Van was hesitant to look after what had happened in the afternoon, but you just smiled back at him, acting like you were completely fine even though deep down you were still questioning the longevity of your relationship.

He got up and kneeled down to hug your mam and say thanks for the tea. You both walked to the door and he put his arm around your shoulder and whispered in your ear, “are you alright darling?” you put your arm around his waist and said, “I’ll be fine”. But would you? Just as you pulled the door to leave, your mam shouted from the other room “Oi! yous two, remember don’t be stumbling in here drunk at god knows what time! I’ve got work in the morning and I know what yous two are like!” you and Van just looked at each other and laughed as you stepped out the door and locked it.

Frosted pavements glistened in the moon light as you and Van set off walking to the pub. You loved autumn going on winter, cold breeze floated through the dimly lit streets with hazes of golden lights coming from the scattered street lamps. No words were spoken, just the two of you walking hand in hand. No one in sight. Van broke away, you frowned at the loss of contact and warmth. He was rummaging for a pack of cigs in his jacket pocket, not successful. You had barely smoked, of course you have had a few drags when you would get high at Van's or when you had a few too many, only started recently to try and handle the stress of work. So you handed him one out of your coat. "Thanks..?" questioning what you'd just done, "Since when did you start smoking?" you didn't answer straight away. You lit his cig up with your florescent lighter then lit your own up. "A few weeks ago. You're a bad influence" you smirked.

Rubbing the stump of the cigarette butt into the concrete, the strolling continued. "The Australian tour is actually supporting The Kooks" Van announced, "They're big fans of the band! It's surreal"

"No way?!" you stopped in your tracks.

"Yeah! Me and the boys were buzzing when management told us!" his face glowed with pride as he was telling you the details of the tour and where they were playing "We're gonna be playing to thousands on the other side of the world, I can't believe it" You couldn't have felt prouder in that moment.

Finally, you and Van arrived. The group wasn't hard to miss, even before opening the thick wooden doors you could hear Larry, Bob and Benji laughing at some imaginative tale Bondy was telling. "Brace yourself, they already sound like they're streaming" Van uttered while shaking his head. He was right. "OI OI! Thought you lovebirds had forgotten!" shouted Larry across the room, you just put your head in your hands as Van stuck his middle finger up at Larry.

They stood up one at a time to give you a hug, Bob pleaded "Please come on tour again, you are the only sane one of them all" while Van pretended to be 'disgusted' at his statement. Bondy nearly knocked you over, "Missed you so much lass" he slurred. Benji kept it simple stating, "Forgotten what you looked like! Never see you anymore" You just put on a fake smile as you could slowly feel your heart getting stabbed with each greeting. Larry exclaimed, "I know right! You need to come back on tour one day, I can't do my job without you" you just laughed at him but deep down you felt sick.

You sat in the middle of Bob and Van as Bondy went to get another round in. Drinks were flowing after telling Van you had to catch up with the rest, that would be impossible but you loved a challenge. Roaring laughter filled your booth as they all told embarrassing stories about each other from the past tour, from Bondy falling asleep in the most random places to hiding Larry's gear from him on high up shelves, which Larry deemed it "discrimination against small people". It felt like they hadn't been away and your thoughts about how they're leaving tomorrow quickly disappeared.

More drinks are consumed far too quickly, you felt dazed and your head was starting to spin, you were out of practice drinking like these. Bad idea to try and out drink Bondy. You were now resting your head on Van's shoulder to try and fight the dizziness off, you admired his laugh and facial expressions as they continued to bring up stories and they also started saying how excited they were about tomorrow. You weren't really paying attention, all you could think about is how you're not going to experience this for another 2 months.

"Earth to Y/N!" Larry said while clicking his fingers in front of your face, you snapped out of your daydream in an instant. "I was just telling them about that time me, you and Van got kicked out of The Kooks gig a few years ago. Wasn't it Van's fault?" but before you could even try and remember the story exactly, Van had already put his hands up like he had been caught red handed making you jolt up from his shoulder. "Alright, alright, you win. It might have been my fault but it was your idea to throw that demo on stage!"

"Yeah, I said throw it on stage, not at the bass player!" Larry argued back.

"Sorry Van, you know I love ya but I'll have to side with Larry on this one. Not his fault you've got a shit aim." You drunkenly giggled back. "Thank you Y/N! See I told you! 1 to me 0 to Van" He pretends to write it down on one of the many beer mats. You looked up at Van and his eyes were narrow, He leaned into the side of your head, resting his fluffy hair on yours. "I'll remember that later." He breathed into your ear making your hair stand up and your heartbeat.

It was even colder outside now then when you had entered, you all said your goodbyes as the rest of them did the sensible thing of getting a taxi back to their houses while you and Van staggered back. You were practically holding each other up, not realising how much you had actually drank until the frosty night smacked you in the face as soon as you had stepped out.

Once you had reached your house after what felt like a lifetime of walking, you searched for your key as Van held onto you so he didn't fall face first into the door. You looked everywhere but couldn't find it, "I definitely had it, I locked the door before" you muttered starting to panic until you felt Van grab your ass while laughing to himself, "Van? Not right now I'm in the middle of something" you whined as he tapped you on the shoulder. "Your keys were in your back pocket dafty" giggling like a little boy, you snatched them off him and unlocked the door.

You quietly locked the door behind you, kicking off your shoes and shrugging your jacket off and leaving it in the middle of your hallway. Van stood there still giggling like a child, "Keep it down, remember my mam has work in the morning" you tried to sturdily say however it set you off laughing when he put his finger over his lips like he was being shushed at school.

He followed you upstairs and cashed down on your bed and as you removed your make up for the second time today. You had barely gotten into your pyjamas when you could hear Van lightly snoring on your bed. He was starfished out under the covers. You closely followed by trying to get into your bed without waking him up, you had little to no room but you didn't care. At least he was still here in bed with you.

Sounds of clattering downstairs wakes you, sunlight gleaming through your curtains. There was an obvious change, Van wasn't there. You got up and stumbled down stairs, your head was thumping and you started to regret last night's antics. Wandering through to the kitchen answered where the loud noises were coming from. Van was stood there in his old pair of joggers with his streets hoodie, that he keeps at yours, on. His hair looked untamed, you tip-toed over to him, not making a sound. You crept over and leaned into his ear, still keeping a distance... "BOO!"

Van jumped and you began to crease up with laughter at his reaction, "Fucking hell Y/N! Are you trying to give me a heart attack or something?" you just replied with more laughter while hoping to sit on the counter next to him. "Thought you left me" you said as he handed you a cuppa, "Well I'm still here, aren't I?" He grinned as he moved in front of you and put his arms around your waist, "I'm going to miss this." he sighed into your hug. "Me too" you hummed back, taking in the view of his sleepy look.

You both got changed, and walked over to Van's house. His parents were waiting to see him before he left, they were used to him hardly being home but they still missed him. After talking to them for a while and Mary reminding Van to look after himself on the road and him just nodding along not really listening, you went upstairs and helped him to pack up his things. It was quite easy to pack his stuff since he just lived out of cases anyways, there was no point of him unpacking to just re pack the week after.

You were still trying to fight a headache off but now you're also fighting off the sensation of your eyes watering. The bus they were getting to the airport had pulled up outside, all the lads looked worse for wear after last night. Looks like you weren't the only one with a hangover then.

"Well that's everything then..." Van trailed off "You know I'll message or call you everyday... I'll be back in no time. It won't even feel like I've left." He softly spoke as he rubbed your back. "Promise?" you sniffled, feeling yourself well up again. "I promise" he gestured his pinky as if he was pinky promising, you chuckled. "I'm gonna miss you so fucking much Y/N, wish you could come with us" he pulled you into a tight hug, it was like he didn't want to leave you either. "I wish I could too" you nuzzled into his chest, "I'm gonna miss you too"

As you left his room, he grabbed your arm. "Where do you think you're going? I'm not finished yet" But before you could reply he pulled you into his lips, you threw your arms around his neck. it was passionate, but also soft and gentle, you never wanted to pull away. He was slowly sliding his hands under your jumper as you started to put your hands through his thick locks. As he was trying to undo your bra he had moved so you were against the wall and he nuzzled in your neck, sucking on the sensitive spots, making you sigh with need as you also slid your hands down his back...

"Van we're gonna be late-" Larry barged through the door, you both broke away instantly. "Oh shit sorry... but mate we have to go now" he said looking at the floor as he left, you were bright red and flustered but Van didn't really care. "To be continued?" He winked as he picked up his bags, "I guess" you followed out the door with one of his bags.

When you got outside and there they were, Larry had definitely mentioned something since they were giggling like school boys. You were still painted red with embarrassment so you avoided eye contact with the others, just kept your head down and put his bag in the back. you said goodbye and waved to them all, "Hang on, do I not get a proper goodbye?" Van questioned. "Think you've already had it" Bondy announced. The boys went into fits of laughter, this really wasn't helping. You were practically burning with embarrassment. "Don't listen to them pricks, C'mere" Van once again pulled you into a kiss, this time it was a bit toned down for obvious reasons, but it still gave you butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

"I was only kidding lass, I would too if I had the option" Bondy chuckled while walking over to give you a hug, you and the others laughed while Van looked confused. The bus was ready to go, so you said goodbye to them all, hugging and saying how much you're gonna miss them. "Van wait! forgot to give you this" he stopped as he went to get on the bus, you pulled out the photo booth picture from your phone case. His face lit up, "Thanks love! This was at one of my favourite gigs we've ever done" he put it in his pocket. "Love you" he said before turning around to get on the bus, "I love you too" you said with a lump in your throat.

After you watched your whole world drive away you ran to yours to go upstairs and put up all your photos of them all again, you put their old vinyl and cds on your shelves and display again and you put all of Van's stuff into his own drawer in your dressing table.

Of course these next few weeks were going to be tough but you loved him and nothing was going to change it.

A couple of days had past, they did their first date in Australia and it looked amazing. It stung you watching videos of them performing, you should be there supporting your best friends. However you were tapped behind a bar getting weird looks from old men instead. You haven't heard anything from Van himself, the form of contact you've had was Benji telling you they've landed but they were shattered and majorly jetlagged which is understandable.

A week had past and nothing from Van. You knew the timezones were drastically different but there was still times he could call. So you messaged him,

"hi, the tour looks so good! how are you doing? haven't spoken in ages, just want to know you're ok x"

no reply.

It had nearly been 2 weeks since they left and still nothing. You began overthinking, what if he's not alright? what if he's cheating? maybe he doesn't love you anymore? it was driving you sick. You tried calling him several times but no answer. So you just gave up.

3 weeks had dragged in and it was the last night of their tour with The Kooks tonight, BoB and Larry had phoned you to see how you were doing and to inform you about tour. While on the phone to Larry, you asked about Van, "I've tried calling and messaging Van but he's just not answering, do you know why? just be honest because I'm fed up of being ignored" it went silent.

"Look, Y/N, this has been the busiest tour we've done, he's constantly doing promo or rehearsing. Even I've hardly seen him" you just sighed, "Thanks anyways" you mumbled in defeat.

You didn't even want to wake up this morning. it had been a month and still nothing but today was different. It was yours and Van's 7 year anniversary. 7 years since you were there in his bedroom listening to Arctic Monkeys, laughing about anything and everything when he asked you to be his girlfriend. Now here you are, alone with no message or call. You had pre booked the day off because you though he was going to be home. Instead you were lying in your bed, with his streets hoodie on that smelled of his aftershave and lambert and butlers.

You spent the whole day in bed, looking through the present you had made for your anniversary that you were going to give when he got back. It was a photo book, the first picture was from the first day you had met him in his garden to the last picture of you two being backstage at their biggest headline show to date with the golden disc they go from one of their singles.

You had decided to not think about him anymore, you were focused on trying to figure out what you wanted to do with your life. You were just going round in circles, the only things you enjoyed doing was playing guitar, listening to music and going to concerts. Realistically that wasn't going to get you anywhere.

You jumped up in your bed, a loud buzzing noise coming from your phone. it was like a beacon light up your room. It was Van. You darted and picked it up in a heartbeat. "Van?" you questioned shocked. "Hiii lovee wassup" he was drunk. You groaned. "It's 2am for fuck sake, if you're just gonna slur over the phone I'm hanging up" you were furious.

"No no no was calling to say a miss you and I'm sorry I've been sooo busy with work things" he laughed. you were not laughing. "Van! It's been over a month since you've left and you didn't even have the decency to ring me?!" he went silent. "You know I've been worried about you, all I wanted was to know if you were ok and that you were enjoying the tour." you can hear shuffling and a deep sigh on the other side of the phone, "Baby I said I'm sorry just calm down oh my god, been busy that's all" you could feel tears trickling down your face, "Fucking calm down? Are you joking, you've been ignoring me for over a month Van! Do you know what day it was this week? Huh?!" you were raging at this point. "Ummmm... I don't know... Can't be that of been important, I can't remember" this tipped you over the edge. "IT WAS OUR FUCKING ANNIVERSARY" you almost screamed down the phone. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry I didn't know, Fuck.. Um... We'll do something nice when I get back... I'll buy you whatever you want... Or... We could go on holiday just us 2... Shit" you could tell he knew he's fucked up but you were still enraged. "I don't want any of that!" tears were rolling down your cheek with no signs of stopping. It went silent. "So why are you mad at me then?" you couldn't believe he just said that. "All I wanted was for you to remember! Apparently that's too much to fucking ask these days!" you hung up.

You threw your phone down onto your bed and burst out crying, you didn't even know if you were more upset or angry. You felt like your heart had just been ripped up into pieces by the person you loved most. Your phone started buzzing again, it was Van. This carried on for the rest of the night, however you just knocked your phone off and muted it.

It was getting closer to the end of their tour, you didn't even know where they were anymore. You had a few messages off the boys checking in or begging you to talk to Van because he hasn't been himself since that night. You did contemplate getting in touch with Van but every time you thought of him you just wanted to scream. Why did he only call you when he was drunk? Does he not care when he's sober? Did he mean those things he said? These questions were on repeat in your head. You couldn't escape them.

The 2 months were up. They would be home anytime today. You had been mentally preparing for what might happen. Will Van apologise? or will he just be stubborn like always? You didn't even know if you wanted the answers but you knew you were going to get them soon, if you liked it or not.

You were walking back from work, already in a shit mood. You went in your front door and headed straight to bed. It had been a stressful day of annoying men demanding drinks constantly, there was a match on. You despised match days but you got a bouns for doing them, that's all that matters right...

Your bedroom was a mess. There were clothes everywhere, old wrappers and takeaway boxes scattered across your floor. You didn't have the strength to clean it up, especially not right now. Your mind was running mad with the thought of Van coming back today even though you didn't even know wether you wanted to be with him after everything.

After having a shower and getting ready for bed, you picked up the closest thing off your floor to wear. Without thinking you just threw it on and got into bed. It was Van's streets hoodie. You didn't care, you were too tired to care at this point.

It was only 9pm but you were out cold until someone slammed a car door shut and you jolted from the noise. This street was never busy and was always quiet, especially at night. You knew exactly who it was. Your suspicion was confirmed by light knocks on your front door. You hesitated to go downstairs. You didn't want to answer the door.

Your phone flashed with a notification from Van which read

"Hey I'm outside yours now, we need to talk. please answer the door x"

your heart was going a million miles a hour as you took each step down to the front door. You could see his slim frame through the tinted glass, you reached for your keys which had a catfish and the bottlemen keyring on and unlocked the door.

There he was. Stood in your doorway. Dark shadows under his eyes. Stubble coming through. Red around his eyes. Longer rugged looking hair. Ivory skin, paler than usual.

By now you would have jumped into his arms and you would be asking how the tour was while he just rushed you upstairs.

This time it was very different.

"Can I come in?" he asked gently, expecting you to turn down the offer. "Sure" you said bluntly looking down at the carpet. He still had his luggage with him so he left them in the hallway by the door. You walked into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of vodka, you'll probably need it. He followed, playing around with his jumper.

The tension was thick but you didn't want to show you cared or that he had broken you over these weeks. "So, how was the tour then?" you acted as if nothing had happened. "... Good, really good." Van looked baffled. His bushy eyebrows creased and mouth slightly open. "Look we need to talk, I'm sorry about the way I acted the other night but I was constantly swept off my feet working. They had me doing like 2 interviews then radio sessions and a gig at the end of the day. I know I should have called I'm sorry, it won't happen again." You could already feel the anger sparking, "That's not good enough anymore, every time you go away you promise me you'll stay in touch but you never do! I can't take it anymore, it's like I don't exist to you when you're on tour!" He sighed,

"I can't do anything about going on tour, it's a part of the job. Y/N, I've been dreaming of this since I was a kid, you of all people should know that. I know it sucks but we can get through it, I promise" you could feel the water in your eyes already. "I'm not saying I don't want you to stop touring, all I'm saying it would be nice to hear from you while on tour! Even if it's a text message every other day saying hi. Anything would be an improvement! You've promised me loads that you will stay in touch and you never do, I'm sick of just waiting around all day to see if you're gonna reply or not!" The faucet on your eyes had been pulled, tears were falling. "It's like you don't care about me at all! It's like you care about the band more!" you said while rubbing your eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie.

He stood there, brows furrowed. "Are you mad?! I can't just make time out of the schedule to talk to you, I don't even get to talk to my own mum and dad! I'm trying to build us a future, it's not all about you-" you were bewildered. Did he actually just say that to your face? "Y/N, darling I didn't mean that I'm so sorry, I'm not thinking straight. I'm sorry. Can we just try again huh?" He said worriedly. "Just go Van." you sobbed into your hands.

"Please I'll do anything, please let me stay and talk things through properly, yeah?" He shakily said while going to put an arm around to your neck, you shuved him off. "No, just go, I need to think."

"Ok, I'll go" he walked out, head down rubbing his face.You heard him shuffling around in your hallway and then the door quietly shut.

You fell onto your kitchen floor, head resting on your knees trying to process it all. You sat there on the freezing tiles for hours, staring into space wondering how your relationship got this way.

*knock.... knock....*

Van again. You weren't ready for round 2 of whatever this is but if you didn't answer it you know he wouldn't move and freeze to death until you did let him in, so you got up off the floor. Your glassy eyes were not helping the situation.

You opened the door and walked into your living room this time, more comfy than sitting on stone tiles. You and Van sat on separate ends of the sofa. He was bouncing his leg up and down while rubbing his hands together. You noticed that he'd brought a small gift bag this time. "Close your eyes..." Van instructed as he shuffled over right next to you with the gift bag. "Van I'm not in the mood for your stupid games, what is it?" you groaned, it was like nothing had happened. "Fair enough" he said while opening the bag, there was a white box with a name you couldn't quite make out. "Hold your hand out then" you obliged reluctantly, he pulled out a silver necklace with a little charm on it, he placed it carefully in your palm. "Happy late anniversary..." He smiled.

You passed it back to him. "Do you not like it? I can get it changed if you want-"

"Van, it's lovely but I can't be with you anymore. I love you so fucking much but I can't cope without months of contact at a time. I'm so proud of what you've achieved, the band is finally getting somewhere but I can't handle not being with you. It's like you only care about me when you're here and with the band's success you're not going to be home very often. I love you Van but I can't carry on this way." your voice was breaking saying those words, they felt horrible to be in your mouth. You needed them out even if that meant ending things with Van.

His eyes were swollen and his bottom lip was shaking. "I know I've handled this like a fucking idiot, but please Y/N, one more chance. I don't know what I would do without you. You were the one I wrote my very first song about, it was shit but still..." you laughed at the memories of 14 year old Van trying to serenade you on the edge of your bed using your acoustic guitar. "You were the one who believed that the band would work out, You were the one who supported me every step of the way and you were the one who was always there for me when no one else was" it was true, you had always supported him even when you did doubt some of the choices he made.

"I wouldn't be where I am now if it wasn't for you, Y/N just give us one more chance please. I love you more than anything" His eyes were glistening with tears, the insides bloodshot. He was holding your hand the whole time. Your head was spiraling with happy memories.

"Just one more chance, ok? If you fuck this up that's it." you said quietly collapsing onto his chest.

Van moved back and put his hands on either side of your face so you were looking directly into each other's puffy eyes, "Don't worry, I won't fuck it up." he assured as you both leaned into eachother, softly pressing your plump lips together, you pulled him in deeper until he broke away to reach for the necklace. He moved your hair out the way so he could fassen the clasp on the chain. "Beautiful" he breathed before dragging you off the sofa and leading you upstairs to your room.

You woke up at noon, you were fitted to his side, nuzzled into the crook of his neck. You pressed light kisses on his exposed collarbone, trying not to wake him up. His eyelashes fluttered open. "Morning" you said still half asleep. "Morning, love" he grinned, planting a kiss on the tip of your nose.

#catfish and the bottlemen #van mccann #benji blakeway #bob hall #bondy #johnny bond #vanfic #van mccann fanfic #catfish and the bottlemen fanfic

[vanmccannonlyfans]

what inspires you when it comes to writing? ✍️

i wish i had a better answer for this but i can’t really explain how a lot of the stuff i think of comes to me! i generally get an idea and start exploring different angles through writing and ruminating on where i want it to go and what i want it to mean! im very guided by the natural world and observing all of the beauty around me. i also get a lot inspiration through reading!

#thanks for asking! ❤️‍🔥 #you’ve got mail 💌 #catb fic #vanfic #catb #van mccann

[okayohay]

I’m writing again.

Updated IJWTBET today. Felt good. Might do it again.

Here’s the link if you want to give it ago. Thanks to all the people who have stuck with me as I’ve been writing it over the years. Still ongoing, can’t quit that shit yet ❤️

#catb #catfish and the bottlemen #johnny bond #benji blakeway #van mccann #bob hall #barns courtney #vanfic #fanfiction #catbblogs