#realised this a few months ago

[save-the-villainous-cat]

"Does the little Hero need a hug?" "No, fuck off"

Quickly, the hero’s head jerked back to the body on the ground.

Their hands were still shaking, their breath still something they had to take control over again. Frantically, their brain searched for a protocol they could follow, some kind of procedure or advice, something, anything that could save the situation.

“Ouch.” The villain leaned over their shoulder like a curious child. They seemed to study the body until they spat out a diagnosis. “Ohhh, definitely dead, yeah.”

I am going to jail, the hero thought. Panic gnawed on them relentlessly. I am going to jail.

The villain approached the body until they were close enough to kick it with their foot. Not really impressed, they cocked their head.

“Shame. I thought they had some potential.” They looked back at the hero and something in their face softened just a bit. “Your first body, I presume? Don’t worry, it gets easier.”

“Gets easier?” the hero croaked. They could feel tears run down their cheeks, their nose clogging up. It hurt, everything hurt.

“The offer still stands, I can give you a hug.”

“I don’t want a hug,” the hero said, their voice trembling. With a bloody hand, they went through their hair a few times. This couldn’t be happening. The hero wasn’t a killer. God, they wouldn’t even hurt a fly.

“You know that person-” the villain kicked them again “-was a criminal, right?”

The hero couldn’t see, they couldn’t think.

“Oh God,” they whispered. “Oh God.”

“They weren’t going to show you any mercy,” the villain said. “You defended yourself.”

“No no no no. This isn’t right, I didn’t…I couldn’t have— I wasn’t trying to kill them.”

For a moment, the villain didn’t say anything. They stood there and stared at the hero who was so ashamed that they had to turn away. The hero couldn’t control the tears, couldn’t control the sobs. It was difficult enough to be out here and fight every night.

It was difficult enough without the villain showing up unwanted and making fun of them every now and then. It was enough to punch people the hero didn’t know because of agendas that didn’t align.

They hadn’t noticed it but this had bitten chunks out of them for a long time.

“Okay, listen.” The villain’s hand found the hero’s shoulder. “Things like this are unavoidable when you do this job.”

“No, it shouldn’t be…it can’t be, fuck, I thought — I really thought I—”

“Deep breaths,” the villain instructed. They stood in front of the hero now. They were calm, collected. No mocking. No jokes. They’d done this before. “Don’t turn around again. Eyes on me, sweetheart.”

The hero nodded, wiping tears and snot away. They didn’t know what had come over them. They hadn’t cried in years. But then again, this was probably way overdue.

“That’s good. Keep breathing.”

“I’m fine, I…what are you doing?” The hero looked them up and down, ready for something but after that outburst, they were tired enough to call it a day. Or better, a night.

“I heard you were around, so I thought I should check out what you’re doing,” the villain said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Why do you care?” the hero asked, trying to put as much disgust into their voice as possible. After all, this was the villain. However, it didn’t really work out for them. Calming down from an almost-panic-attack was just as tiring as living through one.

“You snapped out of it pretty quickly, I’ve never seen that before.”

“I’m fine,” the hero insisted. They wiped the last tears away and took in a deep breath. What had just happened?

Only now, they realised that the villain was still holding onto their shoulders. With one movement, they brushed them off, heading towards the exit of the abandoned building. What was that? They had sent people to hospitals within minutes, they had always been efficient and quick.

They had expected any reaction to an enemy getting killed but this one?

Their head hurt. They wanted to go home. Fall into bed.

Shit, they hadn’t cried in years.

“Hey.” The villain grabbed their arm before they could escape. “That was just the tip of the iceberg, wasn’t it? You have quite a lot bottled up, don’t you?”

The hero dared to look into their eyes and they got so uncomfortable by this confrontation that they wished to walk into the ocean and never return.

Because the villain was right. Maybe. The hero tried to remember but the last years seemed very foggy.

“Christ, what happened to you?” the villain asked but not even the hero could really remember.

#we do it better yeahhh #realised this a few months ago #can’t remember big portions of my childhood #writing snippet #heroxvillain prompt #heroxvillain snippet #heroes and villains #hero #villain #hero x villain #heroxvillain #an answer for an ask #request

[jedi-starbird]

Rex: So General Kenobi, how come you speak mando'a?

Obi-Wan: I've always been interested in the culture and I spent a year on Mandalore for a mission in my youth :)

Rex: I see, what about you, General Skywalker?

Anakin: Huh? Oh Obi-Wan used to drop me off in mando daycare when he went to get laid in little Keldabe, fun times, they taught me how to headbutt someone.

#anakin: oh hes interested in the culture all right #little keldabe see war hero anakin skywalker on the tv and are like huh its that blonde kid that followed around that slutty ginger twink #it takes them months to connect jedi high general obi wan to 'ginger twink i fucked in a nightclub 15 years ago' #and they promptly lose it when they realise #mando daycare is absolutely just anyone in armour who's free for the next few hours #obi wan vibe checks them in the force then just plonks anakin down with a note taped to him that says 'i called dibs' #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #mandalorians #mando'a #star wars

[sixofclovers]

Realising I have so many cool unposted commissions

#commission #dnd #Dungeons and Dragons #soc art #elf #tiefling #minotaur #i didn't realise I had so many!! ToT #and some are from a few months ago too omg #ive been so busy i need to get back into socials #and art!! #anyway this was a cool collection :)

[crippledgoddess]

why must all ur fics include cheating

You see I am the pettiest bitch you will ever encounter so when a bunch of insecure jegulus shippers started hopping in my comments and asks and complained about the cheating aspect of garcon etoile that honestly just made me want to write everyone as homewreckers

I had no opinion about that trope before, it was even a bit of a turn off but now it gives me immense satisfaction and joy because 1) it’s actually a really fun trope when writing toxic ships, I’m not even gonna lie and 2) it pisses people like you off for no reason

Hope this helps!

#selene is oversharing #i realise this is v immature. i never said i was the bigger person #in fact i said the opposite #anyways weren’t y’all like 'we need more horrible toxic queer pairs' a few months ago?? especially in regards to wlw #that’s literally what im giving u I have no range. that’s all i write

[lazylittledragon]

stupid kids (affectionate)

#art #comic #webcomic #queer #enby #datemate #i've been meaning to draw the young Trio for SO LONG #i did a piece for patrons a few months ago but now everyone gets to see it #15-16 is the year of questionable fashion and bad haircuts and realising your sexuality is not what you thought it was #charlie looks so Wrong without her red hair

[archduke-enver-gortash]

posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh

#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself #but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep #and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either #i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in #fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst #i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago #but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it #this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed #i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me #i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time #this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake #gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t #like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it! #i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life #when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so #i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have #but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip #and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude #though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i #it’s been gnawing at me #ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in #one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes #watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep #so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom #idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting #they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao #so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most #i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry #also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn #it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes

[silvaskye]

If you’re someone who hates people with personality disorders, this blog isn’t for you, by the way. You are not an advocate for survivors/victims of abuse if you turn around and call a specific group of them “evil” or “abusers” for having a trauma-caused disorder. You’re just ableist.

So yeah, your abusers aren’t narcissists or sociopaths for being shitty people, they’re just shitty people. Stop dragging trauma survivors and disabled people into your personal life and framing them as the villain when they literally had no part in it.

#realised a few things a few months ago lol #I didnt believe those things I just realised I have several personality disorders #so I just wanna make it clear that my blog isn’t safe for ableism of any kind #ableism #sorry this post mostly focuses on npd. that’s what was on my mind when I typed it out bc it’s the one I see mentioned the most

[ortie-pnk]

We are supposed to interact with the web we visit. We are supposed to upload and download. We are supposed to leave a footprint behind us, other than cookies and trackers.

The web will not stay still, it is perpetually changing and what we are seeing today may not be tomorrow.

Share your things, comment and post.

But also save what you want to keep : write down the name of the artists you follow, download the content you like to stream, copie/paste the posts you want to re-read... We forget faster than internet but it is still fragile. What you got on a disc is far more durable.

#i recently had a shock realising how different is my web use compared to 10 years ago #i generate a shit ton of data but a few only stay on or come from my hardware #i like to extract audio cd so i can make my own playlists and i realised all my recents playlists are web only #i don't own my music i cannot listen to it without internet and some corporation #same goes with the movies or else #deleting my twitter account i lost touch with a lot of visual artists i liked #i will go back to buying and downloading #i miss the forums too #i met someone who does physical zines with the instagram memes they liked each month #that's awesome and i want to contribute to make physical things out of internet #i will need a second external disc #also i want to gift physical playlists to people as we did in 2005 #web #tumblr #archive #ao3 #meme #twitter #diy web #streaming

[deltaruiner]

mmmm

i wanna learn cello

#on one hand i already started with violin a few months ago #on the other hand i now realise i want a lower pitched sound #aaaaaaa #my posts #and on the third hand i already have no confidence because all the good bowed string players started at age 9 AT MOST D:

[annabylers]

Not to be sappy on main but Alexa what are you supposed to do when the boy you've been deeply madly crazily in love with for 3+ years starts giving hints(or maybe im just looking too much into it) that he maybe probably likes you too??????

#listen im so madly in love with this idiot in my class who was also my best friend for like almost 2 years before covid hit #we somehow completely lost touch during the lockdown and I have neverissed someone more in my entire life #the almost 2 years at home also made me realise how much I love with him #after the lock down finally ended I found out that he's moved to another fucking CITY #the universe seems to like me because we started texting again a few months ago #and now he keeps doing some thing that make me think that he has feelings for me and I dont know what to do about it #I legit feel like im living like a 100 chapter slow burn fic (possibly one-sided??) #and its fucking frustrating #I know this is all a little too personal but I have been keeping it in for way too long and need to get it off my chest a little #byler #not byler related at all but I just love you guys way too much #vent #there are way too many typos in the tags but im way too tired to fix them

[lit-in-thy-heart]

it's taken at least five watches and three years to get this joke

[ID: a screenshot from Doctor Who, series 4 episode 7, 'The Unicorn and the Wasp' (the Agatha Christie episode) with subtitles. Professor Peach, a white man in a tweed jacket and a bow tie with receding white hair and a bushy ginger moustache, looks at papers that are out of shot with a look of incredulity. The subtitles read: But why didn't they ask...? Heavens! End ID.]

#subtitles are great #i think this is the first time i've watched this ep with them on #which is probably why i finally got the joke #also realising this series came out before the first series of merlin (only by a few months) #so the cameos from the merlin cast were all before they appeared (on screen) in merlin #which is weirding me out a little having watched merlin first and only watching this series three years ago #but anyway #doctor who

[rostii]

what are everyone’s fave/most highly recommended murder mysteries?

#writing up my silly media reviews for the month and this is the second time ive realised i haven't liked something purely because #i think it should have just been a solid murder mystery instead of a political thriller/jail simulation/etc #keep ruining my own reading experience by simply imagining an entirely different story :/ #i watched the first 2 eps of murder she wrote a few months ago so maybe i'll get back to that #what i really miss is miss marple bbc 2005........ she was so good

[thebirdandhersong]

genuinely shocked that I'm not actually 17 anymore

#i remember being 17 much more vividly than 19 #the glitter shimmering on my high school friend's cheekbones under the disco light #the taste of those chocolate chip cliff bars i always brought to school as an afternoon snack #the way i would unlock the lock combination in between classes and how cold the metal was #the pinks and oranges of the sky above the setting sun through the window on a day i stayed late #i remember so much of it so vividly that i'm surprised to realise that it wasn't just a few months ago #granted it was lockdown when i was 19 and it was pretty awful so i forgot it on purpose or something like that #it is so much of a blur. but still #i read books with characters who are in their late teens and catch myself going oh yeah they're around my age #no they're not xD #anyhow Thoughts!! i have age on the mind since i'm turning twenty two in a few months (which is surreal) #in more ways than one i still FEEL seventeen #songbird again

[cupuasu]

i rmr when i first saw the giraffe women as a kid i was so in awe bc it looked so striking and cool (but painful). i thought they used golden rings but apparently it's actually a copper spiral! they appeared on my fyp and unlocked this memory i had lol to this day i find long necks very beautiful

#probably because i have a very short neck #few months ago i was thinking about buying that neck support thing because it genuinely was pissing me off how close my head is to #my shoulders LMAOOOOOOO #ah this reminds me this one time at school i saw this girl and i thought she was shrugging but her shoulder wouldnt go down #so i playfully tapped her arm and said relax but then i realised she just had a super short neck too #222

[thetardisisnotourdivision]

I can't fucking believe that I procrastinated my gender for like. A good three years.

#Like in fairness I was in an incredibly abusive environment already #Questioning my gender was the last fuckin thing I needed so I was just like “that's a problem for later” #Butttttttttt... Now I've got no idea what I'm doing #Like I've cut my hair??? I like looking like a boy???? #But I also know that a few months ago I was straight up wearing floor length skirts on the daily and braiding my hair with flowers?????? #and my definition of “boy” and “man” is so inherently fucked up bc of the abuse that I'm unwilling to actually use those words??? #And I chose the name I use for a reason as a promise (long story) but it's really feminine???? #And it'd be nice if people would be ok with using two different names for me if it turns out I am genderfluid but????? #They almost certainly won't?????? #Like most of them refuse to use my chosen name anyway and I'm just. To polite to correct them. #no I'm not canadien I'm british #Anyway help? #Bc I realised all this the other day LITERALLY AN HOUR before I went on stage and almost had a complete breakdown?????? #good news is there's this trans boy in my performing arts group and he was so nice and supportive that I didn't cry in the end #much anyway but still?????? I procrastinated my fucking gender????????? And now I'm fuckin confused??????? #Also I can now cosplay one of my OCs #So that's cool #Remember the name Becky Roberts guys #Like if I am trans for genderfluid or whatever it'll help next year with The Plan (which I may elaborate on if asked) #but also???? My parents still refuse to accept that I'm a lesbian if I tell them “yo I periodically become a boy” #They'll probably yell at me at BEST #“that's not a real thing!!!” NEITHER IS YOUR FAÇADE OF A HAPPY FAMILY BUT YOU BELIEVE IN THAT #*ahem* anyway yeah I'm struggling if anyone has any advice pls help #Oh and I've only told like one person I've cut my hair and I'm meeting up with a load of friends on Sunday #Bwhahahhahahahhah #help me #tw abuse mention #queer community

[frogcoded]

I am exhausted but at least I’ll be home in less than an hour. Now I just need to decide when / what I want to text cute guy because he def put himself out there as being into me last night but I don’t think he’s going to text first to ask me out on a date. Which is fine I have no problem doing that myself. Probably I’ll text him tomorrow and I’ll ask him out for Tuesday or something

#this is somewhat weird because I just realised #this is my first time going out seriously with someone I don’t know #as in. liking someone I met a week ago #all my past relationships where with people I had known for a few months if not years before we started dating #kind of weird. I need to get around this and be normal about it