#possible kakuhida

[tozettastone]

Five fun sized KakuHida one shot ideas—

ONE

Hidan has a deeply dumb business idea. Whatever it is, it is so so stupid. It makes zero sense in a rational market. It's also wildly successful anyway because Hidan is hot, and that's more of a superpower than being smart or having a bloodline limit and MAYBE more of a superpower than being functionally immortal. It totally defies Kakuzu's predictions (which were of course of failure and collapse). Hidan is a terrible winner. He's also gone and donated all his profit to an obscure monastery in the back hills off the swampy end of Hot Water. He says money makes you dumb, and also sinful. Mostly dumb. Kakuzu is going to kill him. Like, again. Harder this time.

TWO

Hidan and Kakuzu have been married in the secular (and thus meaningless) sense for tax reasons for several years now, but recently Kakuzu has realised he can get free food at all sorts of places if they pretend they're honeymooning. He has been 'honeymooning with Hidan' for eighteen months now. The rest of the Akatsuki are pretty evenly split on what the hell kind of relationship this is, which is why today Deidara has embarked on the incredibly fucked up mission of interrogating Hidan's severed head about his sex life, yeah.

THREE

Hidan is a nightmare travelling companion. He is variously: too cold (put a shirt on), bored, tired, sunburned (put a shirt on), hungry, sick (shouldn't have eaten that, then), dirty, damp and miserable... Kakuzu has killed him five times this week alone, and so far all it's done is make him complain that he's bloody and he needs another bath. The next time he slings the body over his shoulder and carries the head in the crook of one arm, mouth sewn shut and hands inaccessible. It does not help.

FOUR

Itachi and Kakuzu must work together when the Akatsuki is hired to defraud someone's insurance provider via a genjutsu that can fool the insurance adjuster. Kakuzu is bringing the knowledge and context, and Itachi is bringing the godlike genjutsu skills. Itachi-san is on time, polite, quiet, and absolutely professional. He respects Kakuzu's combat abilities and bizarrely complete understanding of insurance regulations. Kakuzu respects his genjutsu skills. They're nailing their mission, effortlessly! Also, just as an aside: it's been three days since Kakuzu last heard someone complain about blood in his hair or scream a hymn to suffering twenty minutes before dawn, and he thinks he's losing his fucking mind. He's... unstable. Mentally. Mentally unstable. That's the only possible reason. Obliquely he broaches this with Itachi, who is an actual foetus and who is definitely judging him. It doesn't help and it's mortifying.

(I think this one needs POV breaks where we switch to Hidan, who is bored out of his mind and driving Kisame to drink.)

FIVE

There's finally a bounty taken out on Hidan, which has taken a damn long time to arrive because a) nobody cares about shinobi from Hot Water, really and b) most of the time Hidan doesn't leave enough people alive for anyone to notice how much of a menace he is. Kakuzu is having an amazing week. He's handed Hidan's head and body off in two pieces at six different drop points this week alone. He just sits on a rock and counts his lovely, lovely money until his partner stumbles back down the road, covered in blood, holding his head on one-handed, and glaring and wildly annoyed about it. And then he just does it again. Kakuzu has made so much money. Finally, one weird trick that works.

#tozette.txt #naruto #akatsuki #kakuhida #hidan #kakuzu #fic ideas for a rainy day #fic ideas

[obnoxiousselfdiagnosedneurosis]

How abt Kakuzu and Hidan!

Send me a relationship

General thoughts:

They're super entertaining as a duo, almost sitcom-ish I'd even say. That they can actually function pretty well as a team and get a job done but take much longer than they possibly could because they are both assassins who hate each other's guts and can't even kill each other because they're both technically immortal is just about the funniest dynamic I can think of. "Reluctant, bickering teammates" is never something I don't enjoy.

On how I think about how fans see them:

I am... not particularly interested in KakuHida beyond finding it funny, or finding how they're drawn in fanart to be pretty attractive. You could make a ship out of anything and a sufficient amount of effort could convince me into getting on board, but for now, for them? I just don't really see it. Also doesn't help that they aren't in my field of interest in Naruto characters right now, lol.

#irishgodfucker #Ask #thanks! #I should really have a tag for ask memes but. I am way too lazy to go back alllllll the way down into my blog asks to tag everything

[that-akatsuki-bitch]

Portal to the Afterlife

Hidan looked at himself in the mirror, making sure everything was the same. He had been feeling different lately, and he had no clue why. Everyday at the same exact time, he found himself looking into the mirror. Fear always tried to overwhelm him as he tried to notice slight differences. Nothing was ever out of place, until now.

The mirror seemed to be a little off with where everything was. Hidan put his hand to the cold glass, noticing how the reflection was a few centimeters to the right. How strange. He felt fear course through his veins as the reflection started to move and fade. Soon, the mirror was no longer a mirror reflecting the bathroom around him. Instead, it showed a warm colored and cloudy place with a blue creature staring back at him. Hidan took note of how the creature seemed to be lynx-like and made of chakra.

"I've been watching you, Hidan." The chakra monster spoke, "You're a follower of Jashin, and I believe you'll be able to help me."

"Help you, haha why would I help you?" Hidan laughed out a laugh coated in fear.

"Hidan, Hidan, Hidan..." The monster tsked, "I could relay a message to a good friend of mine if you get me out."

"I don't need a message relayed to anyone from a creature like you."

"Oh? Even if that good friend of mine is your dear god?" Hidan froze, staring blankly at the monster in the mirror.

"H-how..." He choked on his words, the monster giving a terrifying grin.

"Well, Jashin is more of a father than friend, just like other gods. If the message comes from me, then he'd have to fully believe it."

Hidan stood in thought, growing anxious as he realized Kakuzu will be looking for him soon. Do I help this weird chakra beast? If I do, what will they tell Lord Jashin? What if helping them means betraying Lord Jashin? I don't even know this thing's name if it even has one.

Hidan sighed, defeated by his thoughts. He mumbled to himself before looking the monster in its eyes.

"I've decided that I will help you."

"How delightful. I'll give you a plan and you will follow it exactly."

"Tell me the plan, you strange monster."

The chakra monster told Hidan the plan in such detail that Hidan could physically see what would happen. It felt as if the plan was burned into his brain and nervous system.

"Hidan, just one thing before I fade away." The monster spoke softly, "To show the village leader you're trustworthy, tell her Kamishi sent you. She'll put all the trust she has into you after that."

"So, you're name is--" Kamishi cut Hidan off.

"Never say the name until you're permitted."

Hidan nodded, and Kamishi faded away. The mirror's reflection returned, and Hidan left the bathroom. Kakuzu was leaning on the wall across from the door. Hidan sent him a smile, receiving only a glare.

"Took you long enough, what were you doing, touching yourself?"

"Why, want to go a round?" Hidan flirted, only to make Kakuzu forget the question.

"Keep flirting like that and you'll end up tied to a bed and left there to starve"

"You're no fun."

"Shut up already, Yahiko and Nagato are sending us to get more fire wood."

------

Today's the day, I'm stopping a vault from closing. I just need to wait for my body to move itself. Hidan had followed Kamishi's plan perfectly so far, having already collected the villagers he was told to get. What Kamishi had said weeks ago was that the vault kept him trapped inside. Hidan closed his eyes to remember what Kamishi called it exactly.

"Where I am is locked in a vault. This vault is no regular vault, however. It's the portal to the Afterlife. I didn't die, instead that Kumoko fool sealed me with her Star Seal Jutsu. I was sealed inside Taurus, which when the constellation is over the vault is when this plan takes place."

Reopening his eyes, Hidan looked at the slowly opening vault. In the dark sky, the taurus constellation took shape. A bull formed around the stars, moving gracefully as the vault locked open. A lady in a mask stood on top a tall needle-like tower, hair blowing in the calm breeze.

The nerves in Hidan's body began tingling. The time was now, Kamishi was on the move in the Afterlife, running at the speed of sound in order to escape. Hidan placed his hands together as if he were praying, but instead he was focusing his chakra to them.

The vault began to close, faster than it opened. One of the villagers Hidan was told to bring sprung into action. She weaved signs so fast, springing from a tree she stood in. Placing her hand on the ground as soon as she hit, the ground vigorously shook. The ones closing the vault fell to the ground, chakra draining from the tubes on the doors. Just as Kamishi planned.

The battle to prevent the vault from closing began, though Hidan had a bigger job to do rather than fight. He had to make sure Kamishi could find the small group.

The battle raged on for three minutes before the familiar blue chakra monster emerged. Kamishi bolted to Hidan, sliding to a stop next to him.

"I'd relay the message now, but we have more to do!" Kamishi connected Hidan's chakra to their own, "Now, we must run to the village!"

It's as if Hidan's body was that of one of Sasori's puppets. He was being controlled by Kamishi, but there were no threads of chakra attached to him. The group followed swiftly behind them, as if they were also controlled. The movements of the group were much different than Hidan's, like they struggled to keep up. They ran through a thick forest until they lost those who were tracking them. As if it had happened before, Kamishi and the group used nearby trees to turn in the direction of the village.

Hidan wasn't going to lie, what he just witnessed impressed him. He wondered how they all knew what to do and which way to turn. It was obvious they weren't being controlled, so he wondered how they perfectly timed the turn to match Kamishi's speed.

An abrupt stop confused Hidan. They were a few kilometers from the village, the leader's tower stood just above the small hill. Kamishi looked at the group of villagers and gave a slight nod.

"You know what to do, each of you find me a good one from each village, I will choose which I like next time." Nodding, the villagers continued to the village.

"I thought you said we'd head to the village and separate from there." Hidan said, trying to hide the annoyance in his voice.

"I changed my mind, I will relay your message here. However, you are to take me back to your home with you. You have a potential that would help me a lot."

Hidan thought for a moment then agreed to the new end of the plan. He started thinking of what he thought was important to tell Jashin, he didn't want to seem like a nuisance after all.

-------

Hidan returned to the house with his new "pet". On the way, he and Kamishi arranged that Kamishi would be his new pet chakra parasite. It worked well, since in the past chakra parasites, like Kamishi, were kept as pets by medical ninja.

Kamishi scratched up every door to each bedroom. He, Kamishi, wanted to remember who had what door. He would ask Hidan which person slept in which room, then would carve out their name in a language foreign to them all--cat. A strange creature he was, keeping track of everyone's bedroom.

Hidan was sitting on his bed with Kamishi next to him. He was covered in scratches after wanting to know what they felt like. A fast knock was heard against the door, but before Hidan could do anything, the door had already opened. It was Kakuzu, shooting a glare at the parasite on the bed.

"You have three seconds to explain why there is a creature in this house before I rip your heart out."

"Well," Hidan started, "this is Kamishi, he's a chakra parasite and my new pet."

"Chakra parasites are extinct, the last one died out years ago."

"Close the door and sit beside me, I'm going to tell you a story."

Kakuzu complied and Hidan began retelling what had happened since the first feeling of Kamishi's presence.

#naruto hidan #hidan #naruto #kakuzu #akatsuki kakuzu #original character #story #fanfic #fanfiction #that akatsuki bitch #alternate universe #possible kakuhida #kakuhida

[jinxofthecipher]

Hidan totally had a thing for Kakuzu. That last fight between them and Kakashi’s group, Hidan continued to ask Kakuzu if he was ok and constantly worried over his well-being. He genuinly seemed scared at moments when his partner was wounded or in a severe predicament.

He also continues to try and get Kakuzu’s attention, whether it’s negative or positive and even lightly teased at getting his headband back.

And Kakuzu must’ve felt something for the other. He did purposefully pick up Hidan’s headband right before they left, knowing it was important. Then kept it on his person for a few days before finally giving it back with “it’s too cover that awful wound” like yeah, sure Kakuzu, that’s the reason you picked it up. 

And his little comment given every time before a fight of how Hidan should watch it, or he’ll die, speaks volumes too. It may seem like a joke to the audience, and maybe even to Hidan but it’s Kakuzu’s way of warning the other to be careful even if he can’t directly say it. 

With both those reasons, Kakuzu might  actually be more expressive then Hidan when compared.

Bunch of softies (in their own way).

#I'll never get over how these two interact and all the things below the surface of their relationship #I'll never believe that they hated each other in the end #Maybe at the start Kakuzu despised him but he's the reason Hidan even joined the group #I will forever ship these two #I'll also never get over the post I once saw on here about how Hidan actually does care for Kakuzu but literally can't show it cause #of his religion saying he has to kill people he's close too. So he continues to ignore what they have even if he's horrible at pretending. #and that wasn't JUST a theory. It was legit in one of the canon books released that had a short story with them. #When analyzed you realize this fact of their relationship and it just opens soooo many more possibilities #they got depth and no one can change my mind on that #Naruto #Naruto Shippuden #Akatsuki #Hidan #Kakuzu #Hidan and Kakuzu #Kakuzu and Hidan #KakuHida #HidaKaku

[kakuhidaweek]

Brokeback Mountain or any similar Cowboy AU could be a good idea for these two!

BOTH are super cool, but ALSO consider...

... a Wild West AU 🤠

#YEEHAW #kakuhida #reapersperdition #I MEAN JUST THINK OF IT #outlaws on the run suits them so well #maybe kakuzu is the new sheriff in town #maybe hidan goes into a saloon he frequents #... and starts a bar fight #there really is no end to the possibilities #bc you can do them as cowboys as well :> #save a horse ride a heart monster 😔 #anyway what do you think???

[lilac-bramble]

Possibly my silliest idea yet - kakuhida Jurassic Park au....

#Kakuzu #Hidan #kakuhida #Jurassic Park #I can’t get over Hidan as Dr Malcolm #that smirk #he most definitely suffers from an excess of personality... #my art

[frozs]

Day 8 - Kakuhida Week 2020

Mutual Pining - AU Where Hidan is an environmentalist wanting his favourite pine tree to never be taken done, ever as the logger Kakuzu attempts to bribe him with money but its not possible  

#haha get it pining #hidan #kakuzu #my art #kakuhidaweek #kakuhida

[fg083nrt]

can’t get enough of his separation anxiety

#kakuhida #kakuzu #hidan #akatsuki #naruto #i posted a full vid of their interactions in impact if anyone wants to see more of these they are all fun #truly the worst death possible for a guy like him #as i said on twi the worst part of his death wasnt just starving to death but the fact that nobody came to look for him #funny and sad at the same type situation #brainworms

[awintersrose]

Kinktober Day 2 - Daddy Kink / Dirty Talk

Pairing: KakuHida

(From this list of prompts - requests are still open!)

A reminder that all Kinktober fills should be considered explicit unless I say otherwise.

*

*

*

“More, dammit!”

As Kakuzu’s hands traverse his body at a positively glacial pace, Hidan is close to clawing the leather beneath his fingers. Only the leather is expensive, and if there is one way to upset his lover, the destruction of his fine possessions is a one-way ticket to pain.

Not the nice kind, either.

From behind him a wide cock breaches suddenly yielding flesh and Hidan could shout in triumph for the smooth fullness piercing him so deeply. Except that he doesn’t.

Instead he grits his teeth and does everything he can to edge back onto that perfect intrusion. A grip like a steel cage wrapped tight around his hips keeps him from gaining any ground whatsoever. His enthusiasm is quenched; Kakuzu retreats entirely and he’s left with pure emptiness within and without. The air is cold and Kakuzu was so very warm that it’s enough to make him whine.

“Oh come onnn!" 

“Another word and I may leave you with nothing, brat. Be grateful for what you're given.” Kakuzu plays at the very rim of him, barely pressing a scant inch inside.

“What, would you rather I be sweet? You like me this way, admit it.”

“Keep dreaming.” A snap of dexterous hips has Hidan seeing stars for several seconds, repeated once, twice. 

It's enough to distract him, but not near enough to satisfy. Because once again, Kakuzu stops, holding him still, this time sinking deep and toying with the merest rocking motion. Driving Hidan insane is clearly the order of the night, and his master is doing an excellent job. 

Such teasing calls for extreme measures. 

Hidan gives a soft huff, clamping down with every muscle in his body until he can hear Kakuzu grunt aloud. 

“Fine. Have it your way.” His partner’s deep, gruff voice sounds millimetres from his ear, as long, dark hair trails across Hidan’s shoulder with Kakuzu’s movements.

He closes his eyes, relishing the sensation. 

Rough fingers feather down each knob of his spine, and at first Hidan isn’t quite sure what that has to do with his getting anything. The next thing he knows is he is tugged backward and literally spun in place until he is facing his dear master - spread across Kakuzu’s broad lap, filled to bursting, and utterly breathless.

Kakuzu lies sprawled beneath him, indolent and expectant, green eyes fixed upon Hidan as if weighing and measuring the possibilities. 

“Take what you want then, brat.” 

Well isn't this a delightful twist. 

“Hahaha - oh yes, Daddy.” he says, grinning with a poisonous sweetness.

Kakuzu’s eyes narrow, though Hidan can feel a distinct twitching where one particularly glorious cock is jammed so deeply inside him. “This again? I’m not your damn father.”

“That’s the whole point, old man.” Hidan shifts up onto his knees and grinds back down, half a moan caught in his throat. “You’re very much not my father. But I bet you really, really want to spank me, huh?”

“You deserve it.”

He really does. And boy will it be delicious when it happens.

#kakuhida #kakuzu #hidan #naruto #naruto shippuden #kinktober #my fanfics #awintersrose #if you enjoy it please let me know? #lemony lemonade

[justanotherblonde]

cuz blonde is a total data nerd... here ya go!

I posted 733 times in 2021

88 posts created (12%)

645 posts reblogged (88%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 7.3 posts.

I added 740 tags in 2021

#sasori - 215 posts

#deidara - 160 posts

#sasodei - 123 posts

#justanotherblonde - 62 posts

#sasori mini bang 2021 - 41 posts

#konan - 30 posts

#itachi - 29 posts

#sasori mini bang - 28 posts

#sethmmd - 28 posts

#akatsuki - 24 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#instead i have 7 weeks to cram as much about education policies in east asia as i can into my head then artfully create some sort of essay

My Top Posts in 2021

i find it kinda weird that the ItaDei stuff is so popular??? but cool, i guess!! ItaDei and Deidara's origin stories seem to be the Tumblr crowd-pleasers... i've chopped out the full text of story posts, so if you want to read them, click the links...

#5

blonde presents: a random cracked ItaDei thingy

i dunno, this scene popped into my head a while back when i was writing this ItaDei kiss, and it won’t leave me alone. thought i’d share it...

tags and such: Itachi/Deidara, canon-verse, crack-fic, Akatsuki, swearing (lol always), implied KakuHida, everyone is sassy, for some reason i used present tense instead of past tense?, actually a rather soft moment~

read and show me some love if you are so inclined~

26 notes • Posted 2021-06-24 14:17:39 GMT

#4

HERE IT IS, MY LOVES

All Things Must End (AO3)

my take on how Deidara stole his kinjutsu from Iwagakure, featuring an OC that i've grown very fond of, Kōseki-sensei. additional tags and warnings below the cut.

Summary:

"One day I’m gonna fly away from this dark fucking pile of fucking rocks. I’ll live in the sunshine and do what I want..."

Kōseki-sensei had taught Deidara to see the beauty in every moment and understand that all things, good or bad, would eventually pass, depart, leave, disappear, break, end.

Was this where his dream ended? He ground his teeth. It couldn’t be. He just had to work harder. He would prove himself worthy of Kōseki-sensei’s kinjutsu. Whatever it took.

Rating: Mature (for swearing and violence)

Warnings: Major Character Death

Relationships: Deidara (Naruto) & Original Character(s) Characters: Deidara (Naruto), Original Characters, Original Non-Binary Character

Additional Tags: Canon Universe, Original Character(s), Deidara-centric, Deidara "origin story", Deidara is 12, but he swears like a fucking sailor, Non-binary OC(s), Iwa OCs, Kumo OCs, Canon-Typical Violence, Mild Gore, Blood and Injury, Caves, Rock-climbing, Original Character Death(s), won’t claim it’s one-hundred-percent canon-compliant but i’d like to think it works

29 notes • Posted 2021-08-31 15:41:34 GMT

#3

Hallo there! Can I have a ItaDei #3 A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond? Would that be possible?

yayy ItaDei!!!

i'd like to apologize to the anon who asked for a SasoDei #3 before this ItaDei #3 request...... fear not, friend, it's coming! i'm trying to balance writing and Master's and my job right now, so i gotta work where the inspiration is... and the plot for this breathy ItaDei demand came to me before the SasoDei one... sorry 🥺

anyway, if you want some canon-verse ItaDei, read on!

rating: Mature

tags: canon-verse, kissin'! (obviously), but first fist fights, fighting, brief mention of SasoDei feelings... and ItaDei confessions!

30 notes • Posted 2021-06-06 19:06:33 GMT

#2

SASORI MINI-BANG 2021 - DAY 2

Summer / Desert Flowers / Sunrise

@sasori-mini-bang

Watercolored, Chapter 1: Desert Flowers (AO3)

modern AU, artist AU, Sasori/Sai, SMUT and DRAMA (more drama coming in chapter 2 tho)

also!! check out this amazing line-drawing of my boys by @uintuva !! posted with permission.

30 notes • Posted 2021-07-28 05:33:30 GMT

#1

happy birthday, deidara!

to celebrate my fav blond bombshell’s birthday, i WANTED to have this really cool origin story piece finished. but i ran out of time. still, i’d like to share what i’ve got so far! i’m still playing around with this story, so let me know what you think, suggestions, what you want more of...  :)

story is below the cut because Deidara is a VERY SWEARY twelve-year-old. 

tag-type things: canon-verse, introducing an OC sensei, heavy swearing (lol), caving, caves, rock-climbing, creepy crawlies

word count: 1653

it’s still untitled!!

42 notes • Posted 2021-05-05 14:49:39 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #justanotherblonde #sasori #deidara #itachi #sasodei posts are oddly missing from my top five??? #itadei #sasosai #i feel like the story this year in review tells is that my biggest achievement of 2021 was finishing the deidara origin story...

[taubenblautiferet]

Yesterday I lost a member of our family and a great friend of mine (according to the doctor, this was not related to COVID-19, it was a heart attack), and I was completely devastated. Today, in order to somehow prescind from the entire situation, I began to think about my favorite pairing, but my thoughts went in the wrong direction. Nevertheless, I still decided to write my fan theory about how kakuhida would cope with the death of one another in the modern world, although it is very depressing.

Please do not read further if the topic of death/grieving over the loss of a loved one and mention of suicide are triggers for you.

Despite the fact that in the real world Kakuzu would be at least twice older than Hidan, Hidan could well have died first, because he is not very attentive and his sense of self-preservation is simply absent. Besides, I suspect he has a whole bunch of mental illnesses. Most likely, Hidan would get into a ridiculous fatal accident or a car crash. Kakuzu would keep cool-headedness all the time from the moment he found out the terrible news, until the end of his days, although he would have been terribly hurt. And I think he would order a cremation, because: 1) it is cheaper than arranging an interment 2) in this case he could put Hidan's ashes in an urn with some stupid phrase in Hidan’s style engraved on it, and put it on mantelpiece so that he would always be there like a treasure.

If Kakuzu died first (which is also quite possible due to his advanced years), Hidan would have simply gone bezerk. Most likely, someone responsible and kind like Yahiko would have to organize the funeral instead, and at that time Hidan would destroy the house, cry and sit in the corner spacing out on a rota basis. And after the funeral he would probably have committed suicide, because what's the point to keep going when you fucking lost everything you loved?

I hope in a world where both of them are mortal, they’ll die together and they won’t have to deal with all this shit.

Thanks for reading this train of thoughts to the end. I'm sorry if it upsets or offends you. This is just my way of dealing with loss and really bad times.

#Naruto #kakuhida #kakuzu #hidan #kakuzu x hidan #akatsuki #modern au #fan theory #mental health issues #death theme

[rollsnoice]

ok but a demon slayer au kakuhida?

A bastard who mugged three members of the corp and made himself a crude 3 pronged scythe out of their swords? Looking for a fight for his god's sake?

And an ancient demon whose goal is to gain money&stay alive for as long as possible?

And then they meet and neither can kill the other and they just. Travel together. And stick together in spite of everything?

#kakuhida #naruto #naruto shippuden #kakuzu #hidan #akatsuki #demon slayer au #hidan being obnoxious #kakuzu being powerless against that one brand of dick as a friend put it

[westanabadguy]

Feeling a Little Hoarse KakuHida

Pairing: Kakuhida

Summary: In which Kakuzu is a centaur, and Hidan is Hidan.

Rating: T

Warnings: A lil bit of gore, nothing too graphic tho. Also, Kakuzu is a centaur, so if that squicks you out, I recommend not reading lol.

I’ve had the idea of a fantasy au where Kakuzu is a centaur for ages and it won’t leave my mind. Thus, this trash was created.

Hidan was a cocky, self assured asshole, and he had no problem with admitting to it.

Hell, one could say he thrived on that fact.

But, maybe, just this once, he could also admit to biting off a bit more than he could chew.

He whirled to the side just in time to dodge a hoof to the face, stumbling in a blind panic.

His opponent was huge, and as his massive hooves hit the ground once more, they left small craters in the Earth, cracking it apart.

Hidan fell backwards, trying to put as much distance between them as possible. He managed to get a few feet away, and from this angle he could get a full view of the man.

Or perhaps the more accurate term would be “beast”.

As he stared up stupidly, the centaur glared back, eyes full of unbridled rage. 

He was truly an intimidating creature, Hidan loathed to admit. His human half was ripped, hard muscle cutting off at the waist where his body morphed into that of a horse’s lower half. Even though the centaur’s horse half was covered in long, thick fur, it was still easy to see the muscles rippling under the creature’s hide with every movement he made. 

Despite the fact that the beast was half horse- and currently trying to kill him- Hidan couldn’t help but admire the human half. Really, the only unattractive thing about his upper half was the thick blacks stitches that littered it. He’d taken those to mean that the centaur was injured, weak, that it would mean an easy sacrifice, but well...

Even he was wrong sometimes.

No, his opponent was by no means weak.

Hidan had tried to get the jump on him, ambushing him with a spear, but it had merely glanced off the beast’s hide, and left him with a very pissed off centaur.

He was cut out of his thoughts when the other man charged yet again, but Hidan was too slow to dodge this time.

Knocked onto his back by a strong kick, he felt his breath leave him. Winded and desperately trying to catch his breath, all he could do was stare up at the seething man above him.

The centaur raised a hoof, and Hidan closed his eyes and braced for impact.

The blow was immensely painful, hitting his ribs and crushing more than a few of them, if not all of them. Blood flew from his mouth, specks of red landing on the centaur’s thick black fur. He saw black in the corners of his eyes.

Assured that he had disposed of the pest, the centaur went to leave, simply walking over the human. He could already feel the rage subsiding.

Instead he was surprised when he heard a wheeze.

“You... definitely ain’t a gelding, eh?”

The beast whirred back around in a flash, rage once again ignited within him. He reared up, planning on bringing every ounce of his weight down on the persistent human. He should have died the first time, but if that hadn’t done it, he’d make sure to do it right this time around.

But this time Hidan was prepared. As the hooves came down, he lifted one of his spears up. He hadn’t been able to penetrate the thick hide on his own, but using the weight and force of the beast itself, his spear cut right past dense skin and muscle.

With his new leverage, Hidan lifted up with all his strength. Combined with the shock of the attack and the wound straight to the chest, the centaur fell.

Centaurs did not fall gracefully, Hidan was quick to learn. Holding onto the spear for dear life, he fell with the massive body, landing so that he was on the horse’s belly as the centaur twisted in his death throes.

Or what Hidan assumed to be death throes.

His spear had penetrated the horse half’s chest, where he presumed the heart to be, but then again, he knew absolutely jack shit about centaur anatomy.

Instead, the beast glared up at him, muscles flexing as he tried to awkwardly get the leverage to haul himself back up.

Hidan felt like he was riding a very fucked up version of those bull rides they had in the back of some particularly musty pubs.

“Oi, why aren’t you dying, you horsefuck?”

With an angry snort, the centaur once again twisted, this time managing to land a hoof to the human’s face, succeeding in finally knocking him off.

The centaur lifted himself off the ground, and Hidan took the opportunity to roll away and get off the ground before he got trampled again.

“I could ask you the same thing, human.” 

Hidan was caught off guard, the centaur hadn’t spoken once since they’d began their fight.

Honestly, he didn’t even know centaurs could talk, but again, he knew absolutely jackshit about centaurs, so anything was a possibility.

“You can’t kill me, fucker, I have Jashin’s blessings.” 

Hidan smirked, chest puffed up in pride.

The centaur seemed to consider this, his eyes narrowed. 

“One of the old gods?”

“The only god, thank you very fucking much.” He spoke indignantly, but he found himself genuinely excited that someone else knew about Jashin. None of his sacrifices had ever recognized the name before, much to his chagrin. 

He took great joy in educating them.

 “Even if you can’t die, you’re a fool for trying to take down a centaur on your own.”

He scowled, “Eh? Pretty sure that’s my spear sticking out of your chest right now, asshole.”

“You managed to hit me once, after I’d beaten you to a pulp, and somehow missed all 5 of my hearts in the process. You’re pathetic."

With a sneer, the centaur looked down at the Jashinist, "You didn't even manage to do any real damage."

"I stabbed you-" his sentence was cut off as he watched in a mix of horror and fascination as the spear was expelled from the beast by what looked like hundreds of thin, black threads.

And with a flick of his tail, the centaur was trotting off, leaving a stunned Hidan and his spear alone in the clearing.

"Oi, oi, oi! Wait- What the fuck was that? How do you know about Jashin? Why are you leaving?!"

Hidan ran after the receding misshapen form, sacrifice long forgotten and replaced by overwhelming curiosity.

"At least tell me your name!"

#hidan #kakuzu #kakuhida #hidakaku #i couldn't think of a title so i looked up horse puns #almost titled it watch me whip watch me neigh neigh #ngl #but even i have standards #centaur au #centaur kakuzu #akatsuki #naruto #fanficition #my writing #fantasy au

[frozs]

Free Day - Kakuhida Week 2020

Free Day - DBZ AU where Hidan and Kakuzu are in the Ginyu Force and have the worst fucking uniforms possible 

#kakuzu #hidan #my art #kakuhidaweek #kakuhida

[fg083nrt]

KAKUHIDA fic recs 💴🩸

Everything in this list is either M or E-rated. Very low possibility of anything T-rated. Most links are ao3, but some are livejournal, fanfiction.net or ficbook or pixiv.

Disclaimer: I do not actually know 4 languages; I just use Google Translate or Depl because I am insane.

TOP FAVES in no particular order

[Mandarin]【角飞】都市谋杀之夜 by Liebestorm 

Ballet dancer Hidan + black alley doctor Kakuzu. Incredible story, full of casual cruelty, there’s death, there’s body horror, there’s physical and mental suffering - all things Kakuhida. I think about this story a lot. The accuracy of their depiction in the modern setting is stunning. Head the warnings. There are many.

Content Warnings: abortion, amputation, violence, abuse, cruelty.

By the same author 【吸血鬼AU】以圣灵的名义…  Vampire AU! A small, fun story about two vampires hunting together. Some really cute romantic cannibalism.

[Russian] Мертвый сезон by Tiferet (taubenblautiferet)

PART 1 | PART 2 

“Can a country boy and a big city man fall in love?” 

Hot spring worker Hidan and ex-yakuza accountant Kakuzu on vacation. Lots of ghosts (well, just one, but oh man), curses(???), sex, Tokyo life and a demonic God that wants to have a talk. Very dear to my heart. Watching Kakuzu drop his guard down when faced with Hidan’s relentless naivete and determination makes my brain go all mushy.

Literally, anything by this author is top-tier storytelling writing, and you know you are always in for a fun ride!!

If you are looking for something more lighthearted, try ХИДАН ЛАЖАЕТ. It’s a fun story about video game streamer Hidan and his secret admirer, Kakuzu. 

[English] Is it Life or Art? by lilac_bramble  

This story is just so much fun, London socialite/model/”personality” Hidan and investment banker Kakuzu. Truly like peak Kakuhida to me. I really enjoy their relationship here. Their chemistry just works so well. This story is nearly the same word count as Game of Thrones. I am not joking. I am obsessed with authors' in-depth, detailed little tidbits of life in London. 

[Japanese] 【角飛】めまゐ【web再録】by Puola 

I love stories about characters told by someone completely unrelated, like a view from outside. I think this story does it so well. I loved seeing the tiny glimpses into how other people see them. It’s a short but a very special story. They cannot escape ‘These two really care for each other’ allegations. 

[Russian] Небо класса S by  бабаягапротив 

*DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE DEIDARA FAN OR SASODEI FAN

It is a truly amazing story from start to finish. I couldn’t stop reading it. Cruel, funny, witty dialogue, violence, great character insight, everything juicy remains in subtext and subtext alone. Lots of fun revelations are left up to the reader's interpretation, which I really enjoyed. Great example of how a sex scene can be used to show more hidden aspects of a relationship and how the two come together. The whole premise is really unusual and refreshing.

[English] Like steps of passing ghosts by Sneakend 

The storytelling reminds me of an official Naruto light novel. The same like tempo and the dynamic between them just feels very much like them. The story premise is simple but satisfying. I love it when Hidan is affected by the supernatural.

[English] In Limbs and Joints by orphan_account 

Zombie AU. Loved, loved, loved the ending. I hate reading zombie AU, where characters survive for a bit too long makes everything drag on and on. This story is perfect. We get them coming in, and then the end feels even more gut-wrenching but also super satisfying. Really well done!

[English] Kakuzu and the Temple of Jashin by fauvester

Ultimate comfort story. It’s camp; it’s scary, it’s gory, it’s funny. I just love everything about this story.

Genre clusters

Genre: “Corrupt Priest Hidan”

[Russian] Ничего святого by меровинген 

Church Cardinal Hidan + Thief Kakuzu. Really hot!

2. [English] Madness by JonShiiiiiDesu

Holy Son Hidan + Black Plague Doctor Kakuzu. The premise and the setting is really fun!

Genre: “Kakuzu goes to a bar, spots Hidan being his weird, insane self, and then simply has no other choice but to  fuck him in the men’s washroom.”

[Russian] Оседлавший торнадо by Tiferet

Calgary stampede Kakuhida. Insert cowboy emoji. Great story! May be helping with translation soon.

2. [Russian] Горючее by AmberWha1e 

Hidan picks Kakuzu up at a bar but loses his number.

3. [Russian] 5:49 в Стерджен-Бей by Neverhere 

Pure romance. Modern AU, as well!

Check out another fic by the same author Таинство любви 

Hidan gives head in a church! Fun!

4. [Russian] Чистюля by меровинген 

Casino coworkers Kakuhida, I love this authors Kakuzu! 

+There was another fanfic that was like so unhinged, but it got deleted, I will miss it forever.

More

[English] Beloved Schism by ThisCatastrophe 

Saint!Hidan+Mercenary!Kakuzu. Really interesting setting packed with catholic tidbits.

[English] Evolution of Us by SenkoWakimarin 

I remember reading this story on LiveJournal, a classic.

Gentleness by the same author. They are an OG! 

[English] True Intentions by sweetdreamz

Unfinished, but it’s so hot and cute I don’t care. Virgin!Kakuzu is a rare commodity. 

[English] take the hand and arm by shannyan

Sex pollen! Check out more from that author.  

[English] Bring Me Back A Dog by W0lfism 

Fuckfest AND a really fun plot!!! All in one!!! Any KKHD by Wolf is top-notch porn.

[English] Gentle Rains Trailer Park by HidansCrazyLaugh

Trailer park AU! Really love this one 

[Russian] The Third Weakness by Цагн

Modern prison AU focused on Kakuzu and his fateful meeting with Hidan.

Their other works for them are awesome too  

[English] Irredeemable Paradise by ManicR

This style is rare nowadays I like this. 

[English] Heaven by Crystaline-Crimson

Similarly rare style.  

[English] Another Mess by Un.filltered

A short and fun sex session on a table.

[Japanese] どうぞこの身を召し上がれ by Kiyo

Cake and Fork AU, it’s a variation of omegaverse, but with more focus on cannibalism. Romantic goreporn!

#kakuhida #kakuzu #hidan #fic rec #akatsuki #brainworms #i have a ton more in my bookmarks but i think this might be a good starting point rec list

[kakuzuisabigidiotwholoveshidan]

I'm working on an Akatsuki/OC insert fic and I wanted to know how to characterize kakuhida, or how another writer does. So far I've got high energy hidan and low energy kakuzu who only seems to like Hidan. Since they're around but not central focus of the fic, do you think theres anything else I should include. Hidan's religion comes up later on too.

Hello there, thank you for the ask. Sorry it took me so long!

First of all, you can portray characters however you want! No need to force yourself to write them exactly like someone else does. Most writers do strive to portray them as closely to canon as possible, however, so the canon material is always a great starting point. For instance, you can steal some of their lines from canon scenes and base your other dialogue on that. A great piece of advice I got from a friend was to check out the character’s wiki page! They usually describe their personalities quite well.

Personally, I also created a list of character traits for Hidan and Kakuzu that I can use to focus when I’m not sure how they would react. Hidan’s, for instance, includes the following:

Aggressive, Arrogant, Assertive, Brash, Brave, Confident, Competitive, Daring, Domineering, Easily bored, Energetic, Enthusiastic, Fiercely Independent, Forceful, Headstrong, Impulsive, Intense, Passionate, Physical, Prone to conflict, Reactive, Reckless, Volatile

For Kakuzu/Hidan especially, I’d say the most important thing is that they only begrudgingly like each other. They are mean to each other just as often as they are nice. Both complain a lot, but especially Hidan never shuts up. Kakuzu will talk shit about Hidan but as soon as you complain about him, he’ll shut you up. (So you’re spot on with the “only seems to like Hidan”!)

Kakuzu is a grumpy and greedy miser who likes reading in peace – which is difficult if your partner is an obnoxious smartass (with a great ass, unfortunately). They care deeply about each other but are too proud to admit it – especially considering that in their business love is a weakness. So they hide their worries behind insults and show their feelings more through acts of love (such as Kakuzu picking up Hidan’s headband) and “quality” time (Hidan constantly wanting Kakuzu’s attention). You might walk in on them hugging – if you call them out on it, they will just flat out deny it. Hidan will threaten you with violence.

All in all, I think you’re good with the high energy Hidan and the low energy Kakuzu! Although Hidan can have very quiet moments, especially when his religion is involved. But he is such a whirlwind of emotions and characteristics in canon that you can make him just about anything. Kakuzu, on the other hand, is usually quite even-tempered and predictable.

Hope this helps! ❤️

#ask #hidan #kakuzu #writing advice #kakuhida #but you know if you want to write kakuzu as an old grump who is nice to hidan because he’s the only one he actually likes #that would be totally cute and I’d read it in a heartbeat #we don't have that enough in the fandom