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into-crazy · 1 year

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Derry’s Secret Pt. 1

Pennywise x Female Reader series

Important !! For all my Joker followers !! If you do not wish to come across any of my or reblogged Pennywise content, then please feel free to block the 'penny posted' tag. Thank you♡

This first part of this series will involve a child since we're dealing with a child eating clown, and they are only interactions. The setting takes place in Derry in the year of 2016 and so forth. I've written this from a young woman’s perspective as I’m in my early twenties, so I wrote it accordingly. Though you’re more than welcome to perceive it as your own age and such.

Warnings- mature language, violence, Pennywise attacks a child, dark themes, ages 18+

Future parts can be found RIGHT HERE and through the "Derry's Secret" tag🎈

You have lived in Derry for a little over 6 months. Which was enough time for you to get settled into your current home and job. You also didn't have to worry about being completely alone- as your good friend, Gabby, had already resided here a few months prior to your move. She was the one that persuaded you to move here, since she knew you needed a change in your life. And with a small town like Derry, it was perfect. It's got a timeless feel to it, the weather is usually nice, and it's secluded from the rest of the buzzing world. Though despite the town's bad reputation, you've never seemed to have any issues or problems.

Seated in a local café, you're having a drink with your friend and her boyfriend Brian. Mind drifting deep into various thoughts as you stare down at your beverage. Starting to wonder how your life has changed since you've been here.

"Y/n!" Gabby's voice breaks through your subconscious mind. "Hey, you good?" She waves her hand in front of your face from across the table.

"Huh.. " You blink back into reality. "Oh yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking about how stressful it's been at the call center lately." You lightly groan as you rub the right side of your temple.

She laughs. "I could see that. You were really staring down hard there."

"Yeah, I've had a lot of calls this week. And the majority of them involved unhappy customers that weren't very pleasant. It's a little overwhelming, but nothing I couldn't handle."

She shrugs, "it was a tough week. But hey, you got through it. Try not to stress about it too much."

Truth be told you were pretty much used to the busy work time. Working as a customer service representative for a credit card company, it was always teeming with phone calls. Often times with many of these calls you have to deal with rude customers. Luckily the work itself wasn't hard enough to have much of an impact. The work's pretty simple and the pay is good, so there isn't much more for you to complain about.

"I know. Luckily I've got you, and my nice little replenishment right here." You joke taking a sip of your drink.

"Amen to that, uh!" Brian chimes in, kissing his girlfriend on the cheek.

She playfully shoves him away. "Yeah, yeah," she continues, "so hey, about that place you're renting.."

You steadily raise a brow, already knowing where this conversation is heading.

"Oh come on!" She pleads. "You're still welcome to move in with me if you'd like. My place is very spacious and you would pay less rent. Think about all the stuff you could buy with all that extra money."

Shaking your head, you laugh, "not this again. No thanks, Gabby. I'm content with having my own living space."

She pouts at your response, seeing that you've rejected her offer more than a dozen times. "Alright then, fine. I respect your decision and I give up on asking. Just know that you are welcome to at anytime."

Could she really be done trying to persuade you? Well about damn time. If there's one thing Gabby can be, it's stubborn to the max. But you love her for that. Plus, it's not that you would hate to be her roommate. You just need to have your own space because you value your privacy.

Brian sees the opportunity and speaks up, "well, since it's a firm no from her, then maybe we could get a place together hun." He winks at her before laughing with you.

"Oh sure, you'd love that huh?" She tells him with a puckish smile. "I can barely stand you enough as is."

You nearly choke on your drink from laughing at her comment. Their playful banter is always amusing to you.

He puts his arm around her. "Ah, you love me."

"Bet your lucky ass I do." She mocks at him, then refocuses her attention towards you. "Speaking of living spaces, we still having movie night over at your place?"

You nod, "yeah, of course. Bring a horror movie. I'm in the mood for something scary tonight."

She sips her drink and tries to think of a movie. "Something scary.. hm, alright I got a few."

Brian scoffs, "Gabs trying to get you to move out, yet she still wants to stay the night at your place."

"Hey-" she objects, "my place is a mess right now! Plus, my neighbors upstairs are always too loud."

And yet, here she was trying to convince you to move in with her. The last time you stayed the night at her apartment, the couple that live directly above her had gotten into a huge argument. Voices were raised and doors were slammed. Fighting so loud that the whole complex could hear all of the details as they practically advertised their business. Now, it probably wouldn't have been such a big deal had it not been 2 o'clock in the morning..

You check the time on your phone, it's nearly 3 pm. Which means it's time to get a move on your Saturday errands. A little late, that is.

"Alright guys, I'm gonna head out." You stand up gathering your belongings.

"Okay miss scary," Gabby replies as you give her a quick hug. "I'll see you at your place later."

"See you later. Bye Brian." You wave them both before leaving the coffeehouse.

Roughly a couple hours later, you're making your way home. Grocery tote in hand, casually walking on the sidewalk. Most of the houses here are quite worn and spaced farther apart. In fact, most of Derry is still pretty old. Of course, the stores and businesses here are kept up to date when it comes to their products and technology. But as far as the architecture of the buildings, apparently not much has changed. Along with new additions added recently, so the town is a good mix of modern and old-fashioned. It's a taste you could quite appreciate.

Concentrated on your phone, a bold colored object comes into your side view. Looking up, you spy a red balloon floating down the street past you. It's just.. hovering by. Not even ascending up or coming down. Like it's strictly following a horizontal path.

Well that's quite odd.

Suddenly, the balloon bursts with a loud pop at the sound of a sharp scream.

"Shit!" You blurt out clutching your chest.

Quickly, you search in the direction from which the sound came. A few yards off to the left, you spot what looks to be a little girl by a storm drain. Thrown back with her feet to the opening, frantically kicking while calling for help.

Without any hesitation, you dart over in that direction as fast as you could.

"HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE H-HELP!" She pleads trying to get away from the drain, it seems like she's being tugged in. "HELP!"

Nearing her, you drop your tote and bag on the ground. "Hey! Are you oka-" your words of aid are immediately cut off by the view before you. There is a large, clawed arm reaching out of the opening. It's latched onto the child's foot and trying to drag her into the drain. "Oh my god!" You plead, taking ahold of the girl's hand which she reaches out to you.

You manage to keep her from being pulled any further, but the sharp claw won't let her go. Gripped tightly around her ankle, it wasn't like anything you'd ever seen before. Long and beastly. Like something straight from a horror film.

"NO, NO, NOO!" Broken cries pour from her lips as she thrashes her legs.

"Let her go!" You demand the faceless attacker while struggling to break her free. A deep growl came from inside, responding to your presence. "What the hell-" you gasp. That noise, it was so inhuman. Growing desperate, you grab onto the appendage, trying to release it's iron grip. "I SAID LET HER GO!"

Finally it gave, deciding to release her foot. The sudden force sends you flying back with the child. Landing hard on your backside as she buries her face into your shoulder and clings to you. You secure her tightly into your arms and stand, looking back into the opening.

It's completely dark, aside from the piercing red eyes staring right back at you! An angry gaze burning through your own. Your hold on the young girl tightens, eyes widening in horror. Even though you are in a shocked state, you stand your ground and stare right back. Then, a high pitched chuckle vibrates within the drain. Echoing through before fading out along with the fiery orbs. Once it's gone, you try to process what you'd just seen.

"I've got you, there there." You comfort the frightened child, and probably even yourself. "It's okay. I got you."

What the fuck was that thing?

You pace a couple feet away from the sight before attempting to put her down. But she doesn't want to let you go, only hugging you tighter while shaking her head and muttering a bunch a trembling no's. Eventually, with a few comforting pats, her hold eases and you carefully set her down. She's still shaking, the poor girl. "Hey, it's alright. You're safe. It's gone now." You reassure her as you wipe away her tear streams.

"No, no-" she weeps, "he's gonna get me!"

He?

You attempt to calm her. "No one is going to hurt you. They're gone." Gently taking ahold of her trembling hands, you wait for her breathing to slow down. "No one. Understand?"

She sniffles, glancing back towards the drain. "O-okay."

Not convinced with her answer, you turn her back, "you sure?" She nods her head, a little more certain this time. "Good. Now let me take a look at that foot." Leaning down, you examine her ankle. There are scratch marks and some light bruising from where it gripped on. Her sparkly princess sneaker is shredded up, just barley walkable. "Does it hurt?"

"A little bit."

"Would you like me to walk you home?" You offer gathering your items from the ground. Why even ask? After what had just happened, there's no way you'd let her go by herself.

"Yes please," she replies softly.

"Alright, lead the way." She takes ahold of your hand and escorts you along. "So.. what's your name?" You ask walking alongside her.

"Kimberly."

"Nice to meet you Kimberly, my name is y/n. How old are you?"

"Seven. I'm in second grade." She says proudly, holding up two fingers.

"Wow, second grade? Super cool! You know you're very brave." She stays silent, gazing down on the concrete. Whatever that thing was back there scared her really bad. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shakes her head no. She winces, and there’s a slight limp with every step she takes on her injured leg.

"That's okay. You don't have to." You assure, avoid wanting to further upset her. At the same time, you're curious as to what she saw down there. Whatever it was, it could not have been human. Especially with those glowing eyes and monstrous claws. Unless it was a person in a very realistic and convincing costume. But then what about the bizarre sounds they made?

"He was a clown." Kimberly breaks the silence.

"A clown?"

She nods.

"What did he look like?"

"Scary," she thinks, "he was big. Tall and fluffy. I thought he was my f-friend."

"Why did you think he was your friend?"

"Because he wasn't scary at first. He was funny and nice to me. I think his name was.. Very Wise? He said he would give me popcorn and take me to the circus. My mommy tells me not to follow strangers, I told him no."

There wasn't a circus in Derry that you knew of. However telling by the utter confusion in her recollection, and with how she seemed so certain, you realize she must be telling the truth. To her own knowledge, anyway.

Having stopped there, it wasn't hard for you to guess what had happened next. "And then he grabbed you?"

She pouts, "mhm, I-I think he wanted to eat me."

The whole thing made you sick to your stomach. Not even wanting to imagine what would have happened to this poor, sweet girl if you hadn't been walking by. It also was crazy how no one else had heard her cries for help. The commotion was loud enough to draw attention from the nearby houses, and yet it didn't. No one came out to help, heck nobody even came out afterwards to check or see if everything was alright. It made you a little angry, but alas you bit down on your tongue before continuing the conversation with Kimberly.

"Let me tell you, I love clowns. But he doesn't sound like the kind of clown that I would like."

"You wouldn't," she agrees. "You're really nice."

"Well Kimberly, I don't think that Very Wise will be bothering you any time soon." You recite coming up to her house. Moments after knocking, a woman you assumed to be her mother answers the door.

The woman gasps, "Kimberly! What happened!?" She embraces her daughter, looking to you both for an immediate answer.

"She was attacked by something in the drain," you explain. "I'm sorry, I didn't get a good look at what it was before it fled."

"It's true mommy! She helped me get away from the clown I told you about." Kimberly claims, throwing you off guard.

Wait, she's seen it more than once!?

Her mother quickly quiets her down, "Oh, you and your imagination. It looks like you were attacked by an animal. Must have been a dog from the looks of it. But thank goodness you're okay. I told you not to go out and play too far, didn't I?" Kimberly frowns at her mother's words of disbelief. "And thank you for bringing her home safe, dear." The woman praises you before turning back to the her daughter. "Sweetheart, thank the nice young lady and come inside."

"Thank you y/n," the girl smiles giving you a hug.

"No need, I'm just glad you're safe. Good night." You call before they head inside.

You're still puzzled with the idea that Kimberly has previously encountered the clown being before. It's even more strange how she's warned her mother, yet the woman seemed to have brushed it off as nothing! Especially after an apparent attack like such. It doesn't feel right. What kind of a mother would ignore something like that?

Sighing deeply, you're just glad that it is over with. Letting it go as you head home. Have you got an insane story to tell Gabby later.

End of Part 1.

#Derry's Secret #pennywise #pennywise fanfiction #pennywise imagine #pennywise x reader #pennywise x you #pennywise x female reader #penny posted

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chimivx · 1 year

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TASTE. -> 'Haven' from the POV of Hyunjin. (Part One of ?)

summary: "Bad things happen in love. That's why I've spent my entire life rejecting it. Everyone I've ever fallen for has failed me, and it's happening all over again, and I get to watch."

word count: 11k

warnings: 18+, infidelity themes all throughout, toxic friendships/relationships, mentions of sex, alcohol abuse, struggles with mental health themes, cursing, if I missed anything PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

a/n: So, this is happening. This is altering my entire Haven universe. Originally, this is the time period I had Haven set in when I first created it... I see a rewrite happening in the future. Enjoy this, and please leave me a message of your thoughts! YES, I had to name the female MC. If she has your name, congrats!

Fixating my eyes on the bland, white ceiling above me, I lay awake for the third night in a row, unable to shake the thoughts that infected my mind like a parasite. Incessant mocking strings of words that my subconscious seems to have created itself for the pure purpose of self torture. Life’s always been that way though, my subconscious versus my conscious mind, both whispering things to me in a way that made it difficult to decipher what was actually real.

During the night after I’ve buried myself beneath my sheets was when they loved to linger. When things got quiet, the thoughts crept out, spilling me secrets, but if it was a night like tonight, they screamed. For weeks now, they’ve been screaming.

Mere hours ago, before the lights were shut off, I had my arms wrapped around the girl who now slept soundly beside me. Straddling my waist with her hands tangled in my hair, we took one another with a hunger, sweating while she sang out a beautiful song inspired by her own lust fueled desire. Each and every time we slept together it was disgustingly greedy, yet relieving, and all the more mind-numbing.

Jade, fast asleep, her eyelashes tickling her cheeks, always appeared as beautiful as her name introduced her. Much like the stone she shares a title with, her personal qualities weren’t as far off. Since I’ve met her she’s been level headed, mature, and honest. Never once have I had to question her sincerity whenever I’m seven inches within her, nor have I wondered whether or not she’d stray away from me.

Until about two months ago.

It was probably my own damn fault somehow, I just can’t seem to piece together where it began, or what the underlying cause was. Within these nights laying awake I start to assume it’s the subconscious cooking it up, but if I attempt to delve deeper into the situation it seems to appear before me clear as day.

She was falling in love with Minho.

The nine of us friends had been hanging out for almost half a year before Jade and I started to hook up. Our group was formed beneath the roof of Haven, all of us were regulars, and Minho was a bartender there, so naturally we grew attached to each other.

Jeongin and Seungmin knew one another previously, childhood best friends or something, if I can remember, as did Minho and Han. Changbin was a close friend of mine through school, we attended university together a few years back, the two of us in the same fraternity. He had a good friend at work, Felix, who he ended up bringing around, and the blonde seemed to find a place with us. That boy was an Aussie, like Chan who was introduced to us through Jade. Those two were college friends as well.

Naturally we fell into little subunits as all friend groups do, though we clung to the ones we started out with. Jade, I’ve noticed, couldn’t let go of Chan, and for good reason. He was a good dude, he worked in a gym, and I didn’t absolutely hate his guts. At least I knew that if she was with him she was going to be safe- which is a thought that always shook me to the depths of my core, and it wasn’t because I was worried about her well-being.

Well, maybe it was because I was worried about her well-being, but that was what terrified me. I had gotten to the point with her that made me want to throw it all away, it was entirely nauseating, every waking second of it.

Taking a glimpse of her now in the dark where she lay with her lips slightly parted, her gorgeous hair pushed backward and her hands beneath the cheek that lays on one of my pillows, there’s a pit that forms in my stomach, one that sends an electric spark up into my heart, spreading throughout my nervous system. If she was dreaming her lips would twitch. I’d gazed at her enough as she’s slept this past year to be able to figure out what was happening in that spectacular mind of hers without her needing to use words to express it.

It’s how I knew she was falling in love with Minho.

Lurching forward with a gentleness to not disturb her, I press the palms of my hands to my eyes and rub vigorously, trying to clear my head of the things I didn’t want to hear. Taking a slow, deep breath with caution, I sense the familiar tightness around my heart and sigh.

As soon as I think about it, it happens. Another breath rips through my chest without warning, and then another. They were coming in quick, their speed relentless, my heart accompanying their pace. I glance down at Jade who hasn’t seemed to stir. She was asleep, I didn’t want to bother her, I wasn’t sure I wanted her help at all. I knew what I needed to do.

Tossing the covers off of me my feet hit the floor, a cool sensation shooting up my legs helping to ease the panic in the slightest way. Hurrying for the door I snatch the doorknob and throw it open, my head beginning to go dizzy.

I rush into the kitchen with a clobber, slamming my hands onto one of the counters feeling absolutely no pain. Blind with anxiety, I begin to rifle through cabinets, slamming their doors along with a couple of drawers.

Where is it, are the only words I can conjure up.

A couple minutes later, or it could’ve been thirty seconds for all I can actively be aware of- I find it. A little more than half a bottle of Don Juilio that Changbin gifted me for my last birthday. It was pushed in the back, hidden behind Jades margarita mixes and fruity shit she’s tried to put me on. Jutting my arm in, knocking over stacked plastic cups and packages full of bendy straws, I maneuver the round glass bottle out of the cabinet without knocking over anything expensive.

Plopping to the floor, I pop the tequila open and take a gulp. It’s cool against my tongue, but it should burn a little as it goes down. It doesn’t. Taking another swig I can’t even feel my chest warm like it should while I drink this. I can’t feel a thing.

Typically this gets paired with some sort of soda, adding a dash of the tequila into the glass before the fizzy mixer is poured inside. Changbin was better at making the drinks, he has been since college. At every party he was the one in charge of the alcohol, making sure we never got a keg. With Changbin it had to be dressed up, a little more spicy than average- which was how he preferred his women.

To me, it didn’t matter. In college I drank to get drunk, and apparently my friends would agree that that still reigns true. I didn’t care if the alcohol was aged perfectly, if it was pricey or if it was cheap, nor did it matter the packaging it came in. If it cleared my head, made me forget what I wanted to forget, and got me off, I was set. Which, ultimately, was how I preferred my women. Or my men. Or my… people.

I knock back another gulp of Don Juilio.

I’d never include Jade in that analogy, though. She was different. She was infectious. She made me break my rules.

We were together, but we weren’t together. We shared a bed, she lived within the walls of my apartment, but we weren’t together. She had her own dresser in my bedroom, her toothbrush resided in my bathroom, but we weren’t together. In the morning’s she’d cook me breakfast and bring it to me with a kiss on the cheek, but we weren’t together.

My heart fluttered whenever I would think about her. She found ways to turn my cheeks pink on days when I never thought I’d smile again. She was magnificent.

Jade was the only girl in my life who didn’t throw herself at me the moment we had met. Most women I interact with try to pick me up or ask if I’m single, then try to get me into bed- you don’t see me complaining- but, Jade. The very first thing I ever said to her was sarcastic, something smart rolling off my tongue when our eyes first caught a glimpse of one another, and she laughed.

It wasn’t a cute laugh. It wasn’t a ‘oh my god, cute boy, you’re so funny, let me giggle like a girl to get you to like me’ laugh. Her laugh was loud, and it was quick, and it turned heads. Essentially she was really scoffing at me, unable to believe I had strolled up to her and Chan at the bar and been so confidently cocky.

She got me right back with a joke that crippled Changbin and Chan, she tossed something together fast about how I compared to one of the neon lights on the wall. It was a flamingo holding a bottle of tequila if I’m not mistaken. Even then she knew me, she could see me.

Months after that was the first time we had kissed, inside Haven, those wooden planked walls becoming a safe place for us. Then soon after we seeked sanctuary in a bathroom stall, drunkenly stupid enough to fuck without caring who came inside to use the other one beside it.

I had played a careful game, intrigued with how she seemed to play it right back. That’s what drew me to her. She was equally as meticulous as I was, though she appeared like the type to want stability, and after getting to know her some more, that’s what she craved.

Dealing with me she knew she wasn’t going to get a relationship, at least not the kind where we’d call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. That was something I didn’t do, something that made my skin crawl.

Titles were a subject for disaster, it always ended in a mess, at least from what I know. I’ve had my own share of enough broken hearts in the past to be repulsed by the idea of a title. Of exclusivity. Belonging to someone, and someone belonging to you, only to have them rip your heart out and tear it to shreds after they confess that they see a forever with you, leading you on, isolating you from your friends and family.

People leave. People don’t care.

With Jade I figured I was saving myself, protecting us both from the horrors of heartbreak. But, somewhere within the year I broke my rules.

I was insufferably in love with her.

And she was falling in love with Minho.

Another swig from the bottle I grasped. And then another.

She was falling in love with Minho. I could see it in her eyes whenever they spoke.

He was capable of giving her everything she wanted.

Another swig, that became more of a gulp.

She was falling in love with Minho, and I was doing everything in my power to push her away. I was wrecking her trust, breaking her down, making her cry, and she wouldn’t leave. I was telling her things to her face, things I had done, things that would cause any person in their right mind to leave me, and she wouldn’t go.

Another gulp.

Our friends said things to me, things I couldn’t begin to put together right now, but I knew they weren’t nice. They watched me hurt her again and again, they’ve tried to tell her to leave me, I know that they have. I know Minho has gotten her ear before, this one shocked me the most, because if she was going to listen to anyone I figured it’d be Minho.

My heart yearned, it ached for her.

The worst part about it was that she loved me too, at least I think she does, seeing as though she’s still here after I’ve cheated on her three different times. I’ve slept with three different girls, and she hasn’t left. Jennie, who I met in Haven, a senior in college out here visiting family for the summer. Lia, who I met at the liquor store, she lived a few neighborhoods over. Nayeon, who I met- No. I never had sex with Nayeon. I kissed her though, and she touched my dick.

Another gulp. The glass clangs against the ground as the bottom of the bottle hits it, my arm getting heavy.

Jade knew everything. She found out about Nayeon last week, and she’s still here.

God, I love her, so fucking much, but I’m pretty sure she’s falling in love with Minho.

Another… another gulp, I attempt. My arms fall limp first, then my back meets the tiled floor, and I don’t know if it’s because of the Don Juilio that’s nearly empty or the panic attack.

“What the fuck, Hyunjin.”

Her spine chilling tone wakes me up. Opening my eyes to the sun leaking through the windows, I turn my chin to look at her and take a deep breath, one that inflates my lungs completely. Jade, standing behind me at the door she just slammed shut, is draped in golden rays of light. It definitely wasn’t morning.

A dull ache rips through my head, my eyes feeling like they could roll back and sink into my skull. They’d roll down to my stomach that churned as I moved my eyes around the room. I was still in the middle of the kitchen splayed out on the floor.

Jade was dressed for work, all black head to toe, with her hair pulled back to keep it out of her face. A little nametag was perched on her chest by her left shoulder where her name was spelled out in cute block letters that she wrote herself. In her hand she carried a brown paper bag that gave off the scent that something delicious was inside, something I’d devour if I wasn’t fighting away nausea.

“I brought you dinner,” she said, her tone flat. Looking away from me she takes herself over to the table and tosses the bag onto the wood, not caring whether or not its contents got jostled. A sigh contorted with a groan escapes her as she walks down the hall toward the bedroom, pulling her shirt over her head.

“Dinner,” I mumbled, rubbing one of my eyes. Attempting to sit up, I roll onto my side and tuck my knees into my chest, propping myself up on them along with my hands. The headache roars through my brain, the room turning blurry for a few seconds.

Sitting back on my heels my hands swing to my side, my left pinky finger tapping what felt like glass. Turning my chin down slowly, I hook my pinky into the lip of the bottle and pull it onto my lap, sighing at what I’d found. An empty bottle of Don Juilio Tequila sat in the dip of my thighs.

“Jade?” I called out, looking toward the bedroom where she had disappeared. I don’t remember how I ended up here.

In a pair of jeans that hugged her hips just right, and a white tank top- that I think was mine- tucked into the front of the waist, Jade turned out of the doorway, shooting me a glare. Her hands were occupied with a brush, pushing her hair backward with the bristles before shaking it all forward. When she tossed it back it was like she moved in slow motion.

God, she was beautiful.

“What?” her tone didn’t match her appearance. She was pissed.

Gesturing toward the floor, moving like I’d aged seventy years, I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. “When did I…?”

“Beats me,” she grills, perking a brow. “You were there when I left for work, I figured you’d be up by the time I got back, like last time.”

“You didn’t hear me get up?” I asked, genuinely looking for help. Jade simply shakes her head. “I don’t remember getting up.”

“You sure made a mess,” she scoffs, then disappears again.

Turning over my shoulder, slowly, I’m greeted by half open drawers and cabinets. The one beside me, the liquor cabinet, had its contents spilling out the front onto the tile. Plastic red cups were scattered about, and bottles inside the shelf were knocked over.

“What the fuck,” I whisper to myself.

“You can clean it up,” Jade said, coming back out into the kitchen now with a pair of boots on her feet peeking out from under her flared jeans. She’d put lipstick on, a mauve color, and some mascara. Always so simple, yet convicting, and she didn’t even know it.

“Where are you going?” I asked, watching her dance about the kitchen, unpacking the bag she had brought in, crumbling it up to push it into the garbage that lived beneath our sink. Her jeans stretched as she bent over and my heart wanted to burst.

“Haven,” she said, turning around to look down at me. Her eyes travel to the glass on my lap. “Han, Chan and Minho are going.”

Minho.

Suddenly her shade of lipstick made me want to smash the bottle I held into a trillion little pieces. I remembered how I’d gotten here on the floor.

“Oh,” I mumbled, bobbing my head, gazing up at her through the dark pieces of hair that fell onto my forehead. Jade’s eyes study mine, hers laced with uncertainty and a shit ton of empathy.

“You can come with me, yanno,” she said, her sharp tone easing down to one nicer. Licking my lips, tasting a tinge of the tequila, I nod. She offers me a small smile and a hand.

She aids me to my feet and gives my cheek a quick kiss before she whispers, “You need help.” And she’s sufficiently, accurately, shot me in the heart. Though it was spoken with quaint intention, it didn’t soften the blow, not when I’ve heard those three words before. The first time was degrading, and humiliating, and it didn’t come from Jade.

Taking the bottle from my hands she places it on the countertop much more carefully than it appeared I had been moving last night. She backs away from me with two steps and gestures behind her.

“Get yourself ready,” she said. “They want to meet at six.”

Right. Minho.

“If you want,” she adds before I can walk away from her, “I can call Changbin, maybe ask if he wants to join us?” Rubbing the back of my neck I take a breath. How, in her right mind, is she being nice to me?

“He works,” I said, dropping my hand at my side, “But… sure.”

Checking out my appearance one last time, Jade smiles, bigger this time. I can’t even begin to imagine how I look after hours passed out on the floor in a drunken daze. My headache pounded like a kickdrum in my ears and it felt like I was wearing twenty pound weights on each of my limbs.

“Okay,” she sighed. “I’ll give him a call, go take a shower.”

Taking myself down the hall, leaving her in the kitchen, I step into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. Pressing my back against the white wooden panel, I groan and close my eyes for a couple of seconds. The thought of having to put up with Minho for another night made me more nauseous than the tequila, and the fact that Jade was all done up for the evening threatened to make me panic.

Panic and Minho. That was definitely how I ended up in the kitchen on the floor. It always stemmed from there, the overthinking, the imposter syndrome, the false thoughts that weasled into my mind without consent. Imposter Syndrome was laughable, and it is. I wasn’t under the impression Jade was falling in love with Minho. I knew she was falling in love with Minho.

Oh my god, Hyunjin, turn on the shower.

Tearing back the curtain I spin the knob on the wall to scorching hot, letting the small room fill with steam. If I could sweat out this hangover in a few minutes I’d be good to go for the night, I’d be back on my game, ready to handle Minho and her other friends.

Jade said she’d call Changbin, and I prayed that she would. Chan and Han were great, but they were the closest to Minho. Add Jade into the mix pestering her best friend Chan all night, perpetually flirting with Minho without even realizing, and that leaves me alienated, all to myself. Bad things happen when I’m left to myself. Jade would obtain another reason to leave me, and I guarantee, no matter what, she still wouldn’t.

I wasn’t going to be the one to break it off. It wouldn’t be me saying the words, I needed Jade to say it. She had to be the one to leave me, I loved her too much to let her go.

The heat swirling around the air did anything but make me sweat out my condition, instead it made me even more dizzy and nauseous, prompting me to collapse in front of the toilet, getting sick, twice.

Now that made me feel a little better.

Rubbing a few fingers over my lips I slipped two between my teeth, maybe I could make myself do it again…

“Jinnie?” Jade knocks on the door a couple of times. Slapping both hands to the ceramic, I look at the frame and gulp.

“Yeah?” I question after clearing my throat.

“Changbin said he’ll come by after he gets off work,” she said, “Felix is going to come with him, too.” The skinny little blonde Australian boy. Changbin liked him, and those two got along really well. Felix was funny, the moments I’ve spent with him I’ve enjoyed, so I guess his presence tonight would do me some good.

“Okay,” I mumble, willing her with my mind to walk away. “Thanks.”

“We’ll have fun tonight,” she said, hovering by the door it seemed. “I promise.”

You’ll have fun tonight, I huffed. If her attention was going to be on Minho and her friends for the evening I suppose I could take it upon myself to get to know the boy who acted as Changbin’s shadow whenever they were around. Kind of quiet, Felix seemed shallow, like he wasn’t always all the way there, but I probably didn’t know him well enough.

I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt and not let his bleach blonde hair and ditzy smile he always wore get in the way of getting through to him personally. A friend of Changbins could easily be a friend of mine. Being so hooked on Jade I’ve barely had time to even learn where Felix lived. Maybe he’d be the best distraction for the evening.

And so, the subunits within the group will shift. If my predictions were right, if Jade was… falling in love with Minho, then there was no doubt she’d get pulled away by Han and Chan. It already seemed as if those three had a plan set in place to pluck her out of here, so I needed a second option. I needed people on my side, people to stand with me if the nine of us were to separate, or if Jade were to leave me.

Changbin and Felix seemed like an excellent option.

Jade always said that Haven was musty. The old bar was just that, musty. It smelled of heavy old pine and Budweiser, the dark wooden planked walls keeping every scent trapped within the close quarters. There wasn’t a single window on any wall except small rectangular ones in the bathrooms. The screens to the outside were old, a little ripped and covered in cobwebs.

The bar had to have been open for, like, twenty years, since at least the middle of the sixties. The walls and stained concrete floor gave away its age. Arnold, the man who owned the place- Minho’s boss- appeared to be from the sixties as well. Some days I’d be willing to half listen to the history lesson he gave our group whenever he approached us to greet Minho, the old man gloating about his bar, how it’s been family owned for years and that he cannot believe ‘young people’ like us still loved to come here.

Jade loved to listen, she found it fascinating it seemed. Most times I could care less, I just wanted a drink, and I’d love nothing more than to tell Arnold what he could do better with his building, starting with the windows in the bathroom.

It wasn’t my favorite place, but it gave me Jade, and I’m still trying to piece together whether that was a good thing or not.

I could place the blame on the neon multicolored lights or the cheap drinks that were poured heavily for bringing this selfless, incredible girl into my life. These four walls were the reason I was suffering. Something stirred in the air here, something that induced us all into a love drunk haze. Like some type of hallucination you don’t realize the outcome until you’re living with it four months later, saying ‘I love you’ every night.

Already on the dance floor, Jade was moving effortlessly beside Chan. The dark curly haired boy wore a cut off tank, a t-shirt he cut the sleeves off of, and jeans shorts rolled at the knee. A brown belt was strapped around his waist and a skinny gold chain hung snuggly at the base of his neck.

We’ve been here only ten minutes and the two were already a drink deep, lost in the music that blasted from the speakers on the walls.

Sitting at a table in the back corner that our group always occupied, I was slouched in one of the creaky wooden high top chairs with my hand wrapped around a glass full of liquor I was unable to get down. I wanted to chug it before Han and Minho showed their faces.

At least before Han showed his face. The boy was a nuisance. He was loud and nosey, he had to know everything about everybody. I limited the amount of conversations I shared with the chestnut brown, fluffy haired boy. He would never get his sticky little fingers on any of my dirt, but with how he’s gotten close to Jade I can only assume he’s already heard it all. I’ve been on the receiving end of one too many questionable glances recently.

“Jinnie!”

Glancing up from the glass my eyes were attempting to shatter a hole into, I found Jade swaying her hips side to side waving a hand toward me. She wore a smile, a big one. Beside Chan was when she was the happiest, especially if she was also within these decrepit walls.

“What?” I call out to her, my voice nearly drowned out by the bass. Jade takes a breath to answer, but instead hurries over to my side. Chan’s eyes follow her, the content of his expression subtly shifted into unease- at least I think it did.

Jade grabs onto my bare arm and gives me a shake, one that tumbles my stomach. “Come dance, please?” Her voice is sappy-sweet. The drink in front of me appears all the more appetizing.

“Why?” I asked, looking up into her pleading eyes. “You have Chan, go dance with him.”

Her lips form a pout. “I wanna dance with you.”

“I don’t want to dance,” I said. “I still don’t feel good.” Half of a truth.

Jade’s pout dissolves into a frown, her eyebrows taking a nosedive as well. “You never want to anymore,” she said quietly, dropping her grip on me. “What can I do to make you want to dance?”

“I… I dunno,” I shrugged, folding my arms across my chest. A playful smirk tugs at her lips. “You can let me-”

Nudging me with a hip she pulls at the bottom of her tank, untucking it from her jeans, wiggling it up a bit to flash a bit of her midriff. “No, I can get you out there,” she giggles, “I know I can.”

“Stop,” I said. She only slips her tank up a bit further, drifting higher and higher until I reached out and pulled her arms down to her sides. “Stop!”

Rubbing her palms against the denim she wore she bobs her head and licks her lips. The playful energy was wiped away the second I touched her. Taking a step away from me she mumbles, “Bet when Changbin’s here you’ll dance.”

Her black boots take her away to her best friend who, if he wasn’t before, was definitely glaring at me now.

“Fantastic,” I said to myself, focusing back down on the glass that was leaving a ring of moisture on the faded table in front of me. Add it to the list of reasons her friends hated me, or the list of reasons she should leave me, but won’t.

What I said wasn’t a lie, I truthfully wasn’t feeling well, and she knew that. She woke me up only a couple hours ago. I was hungover, and tired, and nauseous, and anxious. Jade didn’t know the anxious part, I kept that to myself, but she knew everything else. I didn’t think it was a crime to not want to dance when I barely had enough energy to hold my head up.

Part of me hates to admit that she was right. I planned to get up somehow when Changbin got here, but only because he was my safety net. Dancing next to Chan, who’s most likely out for blood, without backup wasn’t on my to-do list tonight.

Wrapping my hand around the glass I take a swig, fighting it down with a nauseating cringe. The dark liquor burned the back of my throat, warming my chest. “Christ,” I mumbled. My eyes flicker up to some commotion happening on the dance floor, and to no surprise, Han is there already running his mouth. The boy's hands move a mile a minute, attempting to keep up with his words.

His hair was styled differently, typically it hung over his eyes naturally parted in the center, but tonight the fluff was straightened, completely covering his forehead. In each ear he wore two diamond studs, one smaller and one larger, in size order with a silver chain around his neck to match. Looking at his hands that were latched to Jade’s shoulders I’m surprised to find him ringless. Normally he’d adorn his fingers with flashy rings, more jewelry to show off what a phenomenal job he had.

If he’s not talking about other people, he’s talking about that damn job. His dream job, his fantasy, his ‘so lucky to get straight out of college’ job- working right below the head of the company, the assistant for the CEO or the boss, whichever one Han says. I can’t even remember what the company even does. Jade’s brought it up, something to do with… stocks? Banks?

Either way, he’s the CEO’s son. He was getting that job whether he really wanted it or not, and now he gets to brag about his most amazing life.

I knocked back another swig of my drink with the intention of Han becoming a blur, he moved quick enough anyways, and then another when I noticed the three of them were looking my way. Jade’s smile had started to fade, Chan was biting his bottom lip, and Han wore a grin.

Here we go.

Almost taking out three different people after he detached himself from Jade, Han swaggered over to the table as if he’d already been drinking. When he sat down and leaned toward me, he reeked of vodka and his heavy ass Calvin Klein cologne. In case his get up wasn’t enough he had to make sure people knew he had money by his scent. I’m pretty sure people in the next town over could smell him.

“What in the hell are you doing over here by yourself?” he asked, resting an elbow on the back of the chair he had to jump into. He was four inches shorter than me.

Raising a brow I answered quietly, “Didn’t she already tell you?”

“Who?!” Han’s expression twists into goofy confusion, his eyes going wide. “Jade? No, she didn’t tell me anything. I asked where you were.”

“Oh,” I said, eyeing his flattened hair. Between the gleam of the shiny strands and his gaudy jewelry, his style and personality were entirely out of balance.

“Why so moody, bad boy?” he teased, nudging my arm with an elbow. Pulling away I curled my lip and glared behind him. Jade and Chan couldn’t care less, Nelly Furtado was blaring through the speakers and they were singing every word.

“Not moody,” I sighed. “Hungover.”

Han glanced at the drink in front of me and smirked. “Then you may want to drink that a little faster.”

Gritting my teeth, I said, “Believe me, I’m trying.”

The two of us are startled by a shriek from the dance floor, and then a shout. Han whipped himself around and before I could brace myself he’s shouting as well.

A muscular figure with broad shoulders and silver hair dressed all in black was swinging an arm around Jade, hugging her half around the shoulders. It appeared entirely innocent, the way he kept his head tilted away from her, and how he only allowed himself to use one arm.

Jade used two, throwing both around his chest, keeping her body on the side of his. Given another circumstance she’d have buried herself in him completely, but maybe she just wasn’t drunk enough yet.

She fit right beneath his arm perfectly, like the little crook was made for her. They were both just the right height, neither one was too tall nor small. Jade was shorter than me, way shorter than me. She was shorter than Han, and that kid was short.

“Minho!” he shouted, gripping the back of his chair like a child, dragging out the last letter in the dreaded name that kicked me in the stomach. Tipping my head backward I’m able to down the rest of my drink easily, getting used to the burn, finding a comfort within it as my insides are ignited with nerves.

Silver hair is flipped toward us at the table. His eyes were dark, they always were, but even more so as he took me in. The rare lit up smile on his face falters as our eyes meet, almost as if he knew I was onto him. As much as Jade had been pining after him, Minho had been after her just the same.

The boy dressed in black, just as I was, carried himself with a confident swagger. Minho never cared too much about anything, but all at the same time, cared entirely too much. He was an expert at hiding how he was feeling, it made him a tedious person to be around. Without a quirk of a brow or a frown to go off of, I could never tell what was going through his mind. Unless he was around Jade. The cold exterior seemed to melt a bit if she were around.

“What’s going on?” I hear Minho ask, which can only mean he’s coming closer. Han was beside me, of course he would come closer. The two were attached at the hip.

Standing in front of Han, Minho takes a hand to his best friend's cheek and gives it a squeeze without making a face. I feel his eyes pan over to me, the two soulless pits of dismay attempting to eat me alive so he could swoop in and take away my Jade.

My heart starts to beat heavily, pounding against my ribcage. Curling my fingers on the empty glass I clung to, I debate getting up to refill my glass, but that would give Minho an invitation to talk about me. The two were babbling about Han’s work day anyway, would they even care if I left?

Slipping out of my chair I try to catch my balance, almost falling into the table. Both Han and Minho exclaim some sounds of shock, then laughter once they realize I’m steady on my feet. Faking a smile I tip my empty glass and pop my eyebrows.

“And this was only one,” I said, rounding the table, attempting to escape Han’s dreadful cologne and Minho’s resentful glare.

“And counting last night, or, this morning. Stop the tequila!” Han laughed, waving a finger in my direction. Rolling my shoulders back I eyed him curiously. Minho takes in my figure and I want nothing more than to crawl away to the bar, where I can drown my sorrows in liquor and be alone. He had a way of making people feel so small.

Mulling over what Han has said, I chuckled and nodded, wiggling the glass around. “So she did tell you already,” I said, shooting him a glance with as much intensity as Minho was grilling me with. Han’s lips pull into an adorable smirk as he lowers his chin and flashes me his puppy dog eyes.

“I didn’t want you to know she told me,” he said, his tone sweet. “If you wanted me to know you would’ve said something.”

“Told you what?” Minho asked him, looking between the two of us. Rolling my eyes I heard Minho laugh as I turned over my shoulder to finally walk away. He would get the info out of Han in a heartbeat, in fact, he didn’t really need to ask him, Han would let it slip out eventually. He’s got an uncontrollable desire to gossip, his well being depended on it.

Keeping my eyes pointed forward I make it to the bar without any distractions and plant my glass down on the wood that matched the tables and sit down on one of the stools with a cushion flatter than my will to stay here for the night. The bartender with blonde hair hanging at her shoulders in what I assume is her natural curl pattern approaches me and takes my glass, giving me a smile.

“What’ll it be next?” she asked, resting an elbow on the edge. Her blue eyes hint that I should make my way back here later after her shift is over. She couldn’t have been older than me, if anything she was a bit younger. I’ve seen her here behind the bar a couple of nights prior to tonight, meaning she must not know who any of us were yet. The other bartenders knew how to fill up my glass and leave me be, like Minho.

“Uh, may as well give me the bottle,” I said, and it made her laugh. Attempting to smile, the sound she makes resembles one that every other female I’ve come into contact with has made.

“I’m afraid that’s against the rules,” she said, leaning toward me, now resting both her elbows on the bar. Mimicking her, I cross my arms over my chest and set them on the ledge. She took my gesture as some sort of incentive because the smile that took over her glossy lips gave me the impression that she thought I was flirting with her. “You come around here a lot?”

“Unfortunately,” I mumbled, peering down at the glass she took from me. “You’re new. My friends are here all the time, you’ll get to know us eventually.”

“You with Minho?” she asked, narrowing her eyes. Nodding in response I watch as she laughs to herself and taps the glass on the wood. “I gotchu.”

“What’s your name?”

“Dina,” she said. “Are you Jeongin or Changbin?” It was my turn to huff out a laugh.

“Close,” I smirked. “Hyunjin.”

Dina’s blue eyes are sparked full of intrigue. “Ah,” she sings aloud, “Interesting. In that case,” she holds up the glass, “I really do gotchu. Gimme a minute.”

After grabbing the glasses of the people beside me, Dina whisked her way down the bar to whip up whatever she had planned, or whatever she had heard about me from Minho, and that I can only imagine is a trip. Her flirty eyes switched to ones that irked my soul. She attempted to look through me, she wanted to know me, but only my dirt. No one ever wanted to know more.

Knitting my hands together, I draw my thumb over a small callus on my palm, hook my feet on the rungs of the stool beneath me and sigh. The appearance of my hands reflected how I felt. Torn up, battered, and bruised. As repulsive as they were to me, Jade could never, ever get enough. She couldn’t even describe why they did what they did to her, they just drove her nuts, and she didn’t even care if my work beat them up, she said it made them sexier.

In all of my time spent with her, an entire year, she almost always zoned in to my appearance- complimenting how I looked, messing with my hair, kissing my knuckles, admiring my nose. In those moments that’s when she turns into the other girls, briefly, when she’s got her fingers laced in my hair and she’s biting my lip- because at the end of the day that’s all they want from me.

A full glass is placed in front of me pulling me out of my thoughts that were seconds away from spiraling. Dina is back with a small smile, popping a straw into the tall cup. With a wink she leans over the bar and whispers, “You’ve got a blonde checking you out over there.” Her blue eyes flicker behind me momentarily before she smiles warmly and hurries away to take care of her other guests.

I’ve got a blonde checking me out over there. She definitely didn’t know us, or didn’t know I was kind of involved with Jade. Unless Minho’s recruited her as well, making her play wingman to push me further away from the group, further away from Jade.

Picking up my glass, I place the straw between my lips and spin around on the stool to find this blonde, to see if she was even worth any of my time. I hadn’t decided if tonight was a night to create another problem or not, my main focus right now was to get drunk enough to not be able to remember what Jade and Minho get up to.

Dina was funny. Amongst the sea of people there wasn’t a single blonde aside from herself, which I had to admit, was an excellent play. I spotted Jade between Minho and Chan with her head tossed backward and her eyes closed, feeling the music as they all moved to the beat. Looking for Han, I wasn’t able to place him which was equally relieving and terrifying.

Scanning the rest of the crowd by the door, and then by the DJ, it was pretty packed for a weeknight. Then again, Haven was always bursting at the walls. With the heavy pours and the cheap prices one wouldn’t expect different.

Taking another long sip of the deliciousness Dina has curated, I start to spin back around on the stool, but then I find the blonde.

Wedged against the furthest wall Han sat on the lap of a curvy woman with long black hair with his arms wrapped around her neck. He had his cheek pressed to hers, and his lips were moving a mile a minute as he spoke to a boy in ripped jeans and t-shirt- Changbin. As happy as I was to see him, my eyes were glued to the tall, gangly blonde hovering behind him with his back pressed to the wooden planked wall.

It was Felix. It was Felix.

He was quick to catch me looking, his eyes darted away faster than anything, focusing on the people in front of him.

Hands shoved in the pockets of his baggy jeans that hung on his tiny frame, the loose shirt he wore, covered in tiny green and blue stripes, was cut low enough to give me a glimpse of his collar bone and the tanned skin that lived under it. I’ve seen him wear this shirt before, except it was around Christmas time in December and he paired it with a white long sleeved shirt beneath it for warmth.

There was a watch on his left hand strapped to his thin wrist, and when he adjusted his arms to cross them over his chest I found that he was wearing a couple rings on his middle fingers as well.

His skin was smooth, tan and glistening, and freckles littered his cheeks all the way across his nose. Felix looked like summer, it was as if the sun shone just for him.

The blonde hair that was cut short in the front but grew longer in the back made it hard for one to figure out if it was his real color or not, he could pull it off so naturally. Tonight it was a little curly, twisting against the nape of his neck and over his deep brown eyes covering his brows.

He was simple. He always has been since the day I met him. Happy, too. Felix never seemed to have much to complain about.

Looking at me again with only his wandering eyes, I can’t help it. Lifting my glass, I smile. Dina had no idea who he was, she barely had a grasp on who I was, he probably wasn’t checking me out, if anything he may have been contemplating joining me or not, but with how we don’t really know too much about one another maybe he was nervous or something-

Walking toward me. Felix was walking toward me.

I felt the need to sit up straight and I did. I also tucked my hair behind my ears, cursing myself for not bringing a tie to pull it back with.

Leaning backward against the bar, I slid an arm over my waist and put my other elbow on it, taking another sip from the straw in my glass that was a real curse. Dina should know this as a bartender, you shouldn’t drink alcohol through a straw.

“You know you shouldn’t be drinking that with a straw,” is the first thing to leave Felix’s mouth as soon as he’s close enough to me. I nearly choked on my liquor as I swallowed it while I laughed. The sunshine smiles, perfect teeth all in a row.

“I was just thinking that,” I said after a breath. Turning around to place the glass down, I face Felix again and place my hands between my knees, letting the knobby joints squeeze some warmth into them.

“Hi,” Felix said, his hands sliding back into his pockets.

“Hi,” I said, noticing there was a three foot gap between us. “Wanna sit? You drinking?”

Shrugging, Felix gestures back to Changbin. “I drove us, not sure I should have anything.” His beauty didn’t correlate to his demeanor, he was stiff as a board. Maybe he was nervous.

Glancing to the empty stool beside me, I look at him with only my eyes and smile. “Doesn’t mean you can’t sit.” He had trouble breaking into the group when he first came around, this much I knew, so without a Changbin to hide behind I felt responsible for… well, him.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he said with another shrug. A smile toyed with his plump lips, like it was always there.

Walking around the opposite side of the stool to avoid getting too close to me, he hops on with a soft sigh and shamelessly lets his gaze fawn over me. Feeling grateful that I’d showered, I smiled and spun around so we were both facing the bar.

Just be his friend, I thought to myself, you need a friend.

Which then reminds me how shitty I am at the friend thing. I only ever see anybody when I’m here, and most times it isn’t voluntary, I get dragged out of the apartment by Jade. I wouldn’t even call half of the people I hang out with friends anyway, so it wasn’t like I had many to keep up with. After college Changbin was the one to keep up with me, somehow understanding that I’m shitty at the friend thing-

“Keep overthinking and you’ll give yourself a headache before the tequila gets a chance to give you one first,” Felix’s accent is thick and it turns my ears pink, and not because he’s just read me like a book. Blinking a few times I glance his way and find his big eyes studying me. They’re slightly narrowed, and darting from either one of mine after they draw a conclusion from my brows.

Rolling my shoulders back I attempt to relax my expression finding myself clenching my jaw to the point of it feeling sore once I unhinge it. “Damn,” I can’t help but huff a laugh.

“You okay?” Felix asked. He receives a drink from Dina, which I assume he ordered while my mind wandered into the void yet again. She gives me a cheeky look before she disappears.

“Uh, yeah,” I muttered, leaning forward to suck down my drink until it was almost empty. Felix shakes his short glass around taking a small sip. “Thought you weren’t gonna drink?”

Licking his lips, I totally tried not to watch, he extended his arm to put his glass in front of my face, nodding his head once, telling me to take a sip. Flustered by his forwardness, I lower my chin and let him guide me to taste it.

The clear fizzy bubbles were simply a glass of Sprite.

I cringe at the intensity of the fizz making him laugh, and the boisterous, melodic sound is enough to paralyze me. The edges of his eyes crinkled, and his eyebrows perked up slightly, wearing the amusement purely in his complexion. His smile though… that was enough to cure a bad day, and it was happening without me even realizing it.

“You choose… Sprite?” I sneered, smacking my lips a few times before guzzling down what was left in my glass between the melted ice cubes. Felix laughs again. Soda was the bane of my existence, it was utterly disgusting, I couldn’t see why anyone would find it refreshing or as a first choice for a beverage- but I’d suffer through a glass just to keep him laughing.

“It’s good, you jerk.” The grin he wore negated his choice of word. “I’m responsible for another life tonight, I can’t drink.” Admirable.

“Still,” I shot him a sarcastic side eye, “It’s soda.”

“I just think you’re upset that your taste buds can’t handle the excellence that is this carbonated beverage,” Felix said. There’s a brief pause between us, one that makes us fall into a fit of laughter.

“Carbonated beverage,” I repeated, making us laugh even harder. “So specific.”

“Oh god,” Felix groans amongst the laughter, rubbing a hand over his eyes. Setting down his glass he massages his temples and takes a deep breath. “It’s been a long day.”

Following his breath I took my own, I hadn’t laughed in a while. “You worked, right?”

Dina swung back around to swipe my glass, replacing it with another full one and a wink.

“I did, and it was exhausting,” Felix said. “Everyone and their mother showed up today, I had, like, no breaks.”

Sipping my drink that tasted sweeter than the second one, I twisted my body toward him in the slightest. “Are you in the same… the, uh, same place as Changbin?” I asked tentatively, half worried he’d be offended that I never properly learned what he did for work.

With a smile he nods, sipping his amazing soda. “We’re still in the same place, just different positions, if that makes sense?” I give him a small hum to encourage him to go on. “We’re both with the kids, but Changbin kind of floats around the entire building while I stay in one wing.”

“Right,” I said quietly, zoned in on how expressive his face was as he spoke. “‘Cause he’s the music, and all that.”

Felix’s smile widens. “He’s the music, I like that.” I begged the blush not to rush to my cheeks. “He really is. The kids love him. I swear, most days we don’t make it through without him, ‘specially where I’m at.”

Furrowing my brows I rest my chin in one of my hands. “What do you do?”

“I work with the high risk kids,” he said, giving his head a little shake. “Anxiety, trauma, depression, PTSD. I’m usually the last option before… Well, if what I do doesn’t work out for them, they get admitted.”

Suddenly the quiet, smiley, always nice Felix made so much sense. He was a children's therapist alongside Changbin who worked in music therapy for all ages, all cases. No wonder Felix could feel what I was feeling when he sat down. That’s probably the reason he was checking me out from across the room. He had the ability to see the dark cloud over my head.

“A busy day means you helped a lot of kids,” I offered, taking note of how much I had drunk while he was talking. I was almost down another glass. Felix rolls his eyes slightly, the first tinge of negative emotion I’ve seen touch his angelic features.

“God, I hope so,” he said, shaking his glass. “I have one boy whose mother’s on the verge of taking him in, even though I’m doing everything I can.”

He didn’t intend to, but his words tumbled me back to twelve years old, when I’m pretty sure I had my first bout of panic. My mother was never around though, it was just me and my dad, and god forbid I ever felt nervous in front of him or tried to tell him I didn’t feel good.

“How old is he?” I asked. Felix pressed his lips together in a silly smile.

“I’m not supposed to tell you,” he said, then leaned in toward me to whisper, “Twelve.”

Up close like this, with a few inches between us, I could’ve counted the freckles on his cheeks if I wanted to. He didn’t stay within my personal bubble for too long before pulling away and sipping his drink.

His jaw could cut glass. I could literally slide my hand over it and it would hurt, that was how sharp it was. Although, as sharp as some of his features were, like his jaw or his collarbone, everything about Felix was soft. He was gentle. He was beautiful. No… He was pretty. And to me, that was a step above beautiful. Almost anything could be beautiful, but not everything could be pretty.

I think I’m a bit tipsy.

Clearing my throat, directing my attention to his eyes that gaze at the neon signs on the wall, the ones giving his round cheeks a tinge of a yellow glow, I asked, “What’s he deal with? The boy?”

Felix turns his chin, giving me another look that’s supposed to tell me he’s not allowed to share. The batting of his lashes, that definitely wasn’t intentional, makes my stomach flutter.

What the fuck?

“Let’s just say he’s kind of a nervous guy, okay?” he said, ending the discussion. “What about you?” Felix shifts his shoulders to face me like I had done to him. “Did you work today? Help a lot of people? You do that too, yanno.”

An exasperated breath escapes me. Dropping both hands into my lap I lean backward and shake my head. “No, no work for me today. Or yesterday.” Felix nodded, letting his gaze fall down my torso again before it came back up to my eyes. It was curious, how it felt like he was observing me. The friends in the back would do the same, yet when Felix does it, it doesn’t feel vulgar.

I’m shocked he even remembers what I do. It’s not like it was a career of importance, all I did was service cars in a mechanics garage- hence why my hands were destroyed, I hated the gloves, I worked with them bare. I wouldn’t say I helped people in the way Felix or Changbin did, I wasn’t healing people’s past’s, or working through their trauma, I was changing their oil, or repairing the engine beneath the hood of their ancient vehicles.

Like, seriously, the eighties happened six years ago. Get with the times. Get a new car.

“Do anything fun today, then? Anything exciting while I was coloring on the floor with a nine year old?” Felix’s smile is charming.

“Uh, well,” I began, wondering if I should share the events of last night, or, early this morning, with him. Then again, if Felix was to become a close friend that meant I had to share these things with him. I’d totally tell Changbin, shit, he’d be the first person I called if I didn’t share an apartment with Jade.

Damn it, Jade. It was like I had forgotten about her the second I saw Felix.

Whipping my head around to find her, she was perched on a high top chair with a glass in her hand full of a pink colored drink. One of the guys grabbed it for her without a doubt, they must’ve scurried over to the end of the bar Felix and I didn’t occupy to slyly get by.

Chan was next to her, a muscley arm around the back of her chair. Han and Changbin had found them, occupying the other seats with drinks. Minho and his silver hair, and his sturdy back, and his defined cheekbones were facing away from me. He was across the table in front of Jade, standing, leaning on the wood with a foot propped up on the rung of Han’s stool.

They were looking at each other, Jade’s eyes alight as she ran her mouth. When she paused to sip her drink, Minho spoke, and she watched him like he was made of stars.

Beside me Felix turns, following my line of sight.

“Everything okay?” he asked, like he could see my heart slipping out of my chest. “Wanna go sit over there?”

“Definitely not,” I whispered harshly, declining his offer with haste. Directing my attention to the bar as Jade’s discussion seemed to intensify, I sighed a bit dramatically, making Felix laugh.

“Did something happen?” he questioned. A quick shake of my head isn’t enough to satisfy him, and though it didn’t feel as if he was pestering me, I didn’t want to spill my insecurities to someone who didn’t know an ounce of my struggles. “You guys didn’t break up, did you?”

Slamming a hand on the bar I nearly broke my neck to shoot him a glare. “Do you want to be my therapist?”

My bitter tone slaps him across the face, hard. His lips pull into a small pout and his eyes go extremely wide. Taking a breath he gives me a small nod of his head.

“I’m sorry,” he said gently. “I overstepped, I’m sorry.”

Raising a brow I wait for him to say absolutely anything else before I choose my response. Apologies weren’t something I usually received, I was always the one to do the giving. All Felix had done was ask me some simple questions that I didn’t want to answer, it surely didn’t seem like anything to apologize for.

“No,” I shook my head, blinking a few times. Felix’s pout dissolves. “I’m… I’m sorry.” Familiar tasting words. Now this was normal.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Felix shrugged, brushing away the matter, sipping his drink. “I shouldn’t have pushed it, we can discuss more of my clients even though I could potentially get fired.” His smile returns and the polite change of subject puts me back in foreign territory. My comment wasn’t lashed back at with a rude remark, nor was it used against me. Felix didn’t get upset, he understood my backlash, why I did it, and moved past it without an explanation.

“I’m sorry,” I felt the need to repeat myself, keeping my eyes locked on his.

After another sip of his soda he puts the glass down and twists to face me completely. A smirk toyed at the corners of his lips.

“You don’t have to apologize, Hyunjin, it’s alright,” he said, reaching over to tap the top of my knee quickly. The sound of my name rolling off of his tongue was spine tingling.

“Yes, I do,” I said, turning myself to face him directly, our knees now touching. My legs were a little longer than his, so eventually my knees were going to have to end up between his.

“Why?” he asked, twisting his brows, giving his head a slight, endearing tilt.

Swallowing hard, I clear my throat and dart my eyes around his face to search for an answer. I had no idea what to say. I was taught growing up that if you made someone upset, you were to apologize for it. Jade’s heard the word ‘sorry’ more times than she can probably count.

The way Felix made a face after I snapped made me want to apologize, but I hadn’t a clue why he was questioning me for it.

“Uh,” I mumbled, finding warmth and comfort within his dark chocolate eyes, enough of it to try to speak up. “I thought I, uh, hurt your feelings, when I…”

Felix waited patiently for me to finish and only butted in when he realized I couldn’t put it together.

“I fired you up first,” he said. “I crossed a line after you tried to shut it down. You established a boundary, you had every right to bark like that.” I couldn’t hide the laugh that escaped me at the use of the word bark. Pressing my lips together in a small smile, I shook my head.

“You really are a therapist,” I said, dragging my eyes sarcastically over his tiny frame. Felix pops his brows, his grin glimmering with glamour.

Lifting his glass like I had before he sat down, he said, “A fine one, at that.” He takes the rim to his lips and shoots back the rest of the bubbles.

Taking this time to admire him and his perfectly sculpted profile, I cannot seem to shake the feeling of desire that begins to manifest within my chest. And, not a desire that I was used to feeling three drinks deep into a hangover recovery night. I wanted him to keep talking. I wanted to watch his lips to tell me more about this boundary thing, and how I wasn’t wrong for having feelings, and I wanted to ask him why talking about it felt weird.

If that would be him talking about work, I felt bad asking him to do it. I know how it feels to get off of a long shift and then have someone ask me to check their tires, I’d hate to make him use his brain when he should be having a fun night.

Felix was eyeing me back, bumping one of my knees by accident as he adjusted his feet under him. Realizing I was staring, I glanced at my glass quickly and found it empty.

When the hell did I finish that?

Looking back at Felix, he was still focused on me. He was waiting for me to say something. My tequila blundered thoughts couldn’t come up with anything smart, and beneath his gaze it was impossible for me to whip up anything sarcastic. He waited. He wasn’t going to… push.

“You look like you wanna say something?” he asked. Okay, he was waiting, but I guess he also wanted to help.

“I do,” I said, and he nodded. “But, I don’t want to… overstep.”

What the fuck is going on, I don’t talk like this.

Felix leans his cheek against the fist of the arm that rests on the bar, and the plush skin squishes on his knuckles, his appearance softening even more so, if it were possible.

“Say it,” he shrugged again. “If you overstep, you overstep. I’ll communicate it with you if you do.” His smile tells me a secret, it tells me he knows my objective. Calm, nice Felix finally shows a hint of mischievousness.

Darting my tongue between my lips, I notice that Felix tries his hardest not to watch. Rocking one of my knees into his I glance down at where they touch and lift just my eyes to look at him. A bit of his bottom lip has gone between his teeth, nibbling at the inside. The chocolate brown eyes that were once sweet had shifted to something that startled me a little to see. I didn’t know Felix was capable of eyes like that.

His knees close, catching one of my legs between them as predicted. “Don’t act so surprised, you’ve been looking at me exactly like that since I sat down,” he said quietly. My lips part, in surprise, and I’m incapable of conjuring up words. Alas, the air within Haven claims another victim. With a small nod of his head to the dance floor, Felix leaned toward me and whispered, “Either tone down the arousal, or tell me what’s happening with Jade. I don’t do cheaters.”

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ryuzakemo128 · 5 days

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Rockin' Set

Author's Note: Inspired because I was staring at my own body. Specifically my own tits, and damn that's a nice pair of tits. Rockin' Set. So please forgive me. For I might have liked it enough for me to write this.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Female Reader

Content Warning: May contain the following: Swearing, adult content, sexual content, smut, masturbation and all the above.

References/ ideas used: 01 /

You were in the middle of getting ready for a bath when Eddie caught you staring at yourself for a little longer than usual. You thought he would have been used to your little moments of you staring at yourself in the bathroom mirror topless by now. Considering, you only started dating him a month ago.

The small mutterings he would hear from your lips after ten minutes, it would consist of "Damn I look good." or maybe even, "I have a nice set of tits." or "OOO my figure looks way better than I thought it would." It would be something he would hear on the way to work, or before he left for a night out with friends. You would never deny how much you enjoyed your body and how proud you were of it.

Your thighs were always one part that you didn't particularly like, along with your large hips, even how your breasts were a rather large handful. It took you years to get comfortable staring at yourself in the mirror, wearing no bra to bed, and you were working on accepting yourself for who you are. It's not like you were going to change your body type anytime soon. It's not like you could just snap your fingers and your hips would shrink, and your breasts would fit into a B cup. You just had to love yourself, flaws and all.

Eddie loved your body too, and while he did catch you staring at yourself in the mirror, he never once made you feel self-conscious about it. Another thing you liked about him. Among other things, that is.

You are a virgin when you met him, you still are, thus your confidence in terms of bedroom stuff is still pretty much nonexistent. He, on the other hand, is an experienced man and has had his fair share of partners. You have been nervous about your first time. He has been more than understanding and patient about it. He has reassured you that he will take things slow and make sure you are comfortable every step of the way. You trust him, and that trust has only grown over time.

The lingerie you bought is strawberry themed, with green lace trimming and a matching g-string. A corset back secures it in place, accentuating your natural curves and making your breasts stand out even more. You also put on a pair of matching thong panties and strawberry-scented body lotion and perfume.

You then put on black eyeliner, making your eyes pop, and added a hint of blush to your cheeks. The red lipstick that you put on made your lips look plump and full, making you feel even more confident. When Eddie finally arrived home from band practice, he couldn't help but stare at you. You were standing in the living room, the dim lighting casting a soft glow over your skin, making your strawberry-scented body lotion and perfume waft through the air. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.

The caravan they bought for their living quarters was parked in the driveway, waiting for them to move into. It had been a few weeks since they'd gone on their first camping trip, and they were both eager to get back to it. As Eddie walked over to you, his eyes never left your body, taking in every inch of your strawberry-scented form. He reached out, brushing a stray lock of hair behind your ear, before leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss against your cheek. "You look absolutely stunning, baby," he murmured, his voice husky with desire.

Your cheeks went a vibrant red, not only from the compliment but from the simple contact of his lips against your skin. "Thank you," you breathed out, feeling your heart flutter in your chest. He smiled, his brown eyes twinkling with amusement and desire.

"I've been looking forward to this all day," he confessed, running his hands down your arms, making you shiver. "You smell amazing." He leaned in, pressing a kiss to your neck, just above your collarbone. "Strawberries and you… It's the perfect combination." He nibbled gently on your earlobe, sending a jolt of pleasure through you.

You let out a soft moan, unable to hide the desire that was building inside of you. "I want you, Eddie," you whispered, pressing your body against his. "I want to feel you inside me tonight." Your words only seemed to fuel his arousal, and he groaned, his hands gripping your hips tightly.

As his shirt came off, revealing his toned chest and defined abs, your heart raced even faster. He took your hand, leading you over to the bed, where he carefully laid you down. Your strawberry-scented perfume filled the air, mingling with the musky smell of his skin. He knelt between your spread legs, taking in the sight of you, your strawberry-print panties contrasting beautifully with your velvet soft pale skin.

His warm breath fanned across your inner thighs, sending shivers down your spine and a twitch through your clenched sex. "You look so sexy in those," he murmured, tracing a finger along the lacy edge of your strawberry-print panties. "I've been thinking about these all day." He kissed the inside of your thigh, then slowly slid his hand up, teasingly brushing against your folds. You arched your back, moaning softly as pleasure coursed through you. "Teasing me with those photos in the dressing room…" he breathed, his voice thick with desire. "You drive me crazy."

Eddie pressed a kiss against your mound, letting out a shuddering breath as he felt how wet you were for him. He parted your folds, revealing your swollen, eager entrance, and pressed his lips against you, kissing and sucking gently. His fingers danced over your sensitive skin, finding your clit and circling it expertly. You cried out, arching your back and digging your fingers into the sheets. "Oh God, Eddie…" you moaned, your hips bucking against his touch.

He looked up at you, his eyes hooded with lust, and slowly pushed a finger inside you, feeling you relax and stretch around him. You let out a gasp, your body tensing as pleasure coursed through you. "You feel so good," he murmured, beginning to thrust his finger in and out, matching his movements with his mouth. He added another finger, stretching you even more, feeling the tightness of your inner walls grip him. You cried out, your body writhing beneath him.

"Fuck, you're so tight," he groaned, his voice thick with desire. He leaned forward, capturing one of your breasts in his mouth, sucking hungrily through the lacy fabric of your bra. Your back arched, your hips bucking against his hand. He added a third finger, feeling you stretch impossibly around him. You cried out, your body trembling under his touch. "You're doing wonderfully," he praised through whispers in your ear, his fingers thrusting faster, finding a rhythm that had you helplessly lost to the sensations coursing through you.

Taking the corseted bra off with his teeth, he reveals your perfectly pink nipples, hard and begging for his attention. You arch your back, moaning as he suckles, his tongue flicking across them. He cups your breasts in his hands, kneading them gently, feeling the weight of them in his palms. With his free hand, he slips a slick finger into you, finding your G-spot and circling it expertly. You cry out, your body shuddering beneath him.

He leans forward, pressing his lips against yours, his tongue dancing with yours as he thrusts his fingers inside you, faster and faster. You can feel him getting closer, the tension building in his body as he thrusts against your hand. You meet his rhythm, your hips moving in time with his fingers and your mouth, lost in the sensation of being so completely wanted and desired.

After a while he slid his fingers out of you, letting out a soft groan as he did so. "Fuck," he whispered, his breath hot against your skin. "You're so wet, so tight…" He moved up over you, positioning himself between your legs. You reached down, helping him to guide his erection to your entrance. He paused for a moment, looking down at you with eyes so full of desire it made your heart race. Then, with a groan, he thrust forward, sinking deep inside you.

You cried out, arching your back and wrapping your legs around his waist. He felt so good, so big, filling you up. He began to move, his hips sliding against yours in a rhythm that was as familiar as it was exquisite. You moved with him, meeting his thrusts, your bodies moving together in perfect harmony. The sheets beneath you grew damp with sweat as the tension built, each thrust sending waves of pleasure through you. Your hands on his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin as he held you down, holding you close.

You could feel him getting closer, the muscles in his abdomen tensing, his breath coming faster. You reached up, tracing his jawline with your fingers, feeling the roughness of his stubble against your skin. You arched your back further, needing to feel him deeper, and he obliged, thrusting harder, faster. The sensation was overwhelming, your body trembling on the edge of release.

As you neared the brink, he slowed his movements, thrusting gently now, his lips finding yours once more. His tongue danced with yours, teasing and exploring, as his hips moved in slow, deliberate circles. You felt the tension building inside you, coiling tighter and tighter, and then, with a cry that was more a moan than anything else, you came, your body shuddering around him. He followed close behind, groaning as he emptied himself into you.

You were no longer a virgin.

You lost your virginity to your boyfriend and it was less intimidating than you thought. The weight of his body on top of you felt wonderful, and the look in his eyes when he gazed down at you made you feel beautiful. As you catch your breath, he slowly pulls out of you, his eyes never leaving yours. He reaches over to the bedside table, grabbing a wet washcloth and gently cleaning you up.

The rest of the night was cuddles, movies and snacks. A night well spent in your book.

"That was… incredible," you breathe, your heart still racing. "I can't believe I waited this long to… to do that." Your fingers trace lightly over the skin of his back, the muscles there tense and warm from exertion.

He chuckles, nuzzling his nose into your neck. "Don't worry, I'm glad you waited for me. You're the only one I've ever wanted to share that with." His hand moves to your hip, giving it a squeeze. "I love you, you know that, right?"

"I love you too Eddie." You replied kissing him on the cheek.

My other stuff: Masterlist 01 / Masterlist 02 / Vikings Masterlist

Divider Used: Link

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a-gay-little-cat · 5 months

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tell us about tiger..... top 10 tiger facts #please

I present to you, him!

But let's start out with the basics before moving to facts. His name is Tiger, 41 years old, 7ft tall, trans man and currently a mercenary in Night City! This one's getting long so it goes under a read more but here you go!

He is a nomad. Buuuut... he doesn't run with any clan anymore, not by choice though. Roughly 10 years ago he lost his camp in a fire thanks to some corps or god knows who deciding to beef it out right near their camp, not really caring about people getting caught in the crossfire. Many died and those who survived scattered, maybe to join another clan, maybe to a different city, but Tiger doesn't really know. He very much returned repeatedly to see if anyone else would still be there, hoping to find his family which he didn't see with the other bodies. Never found anyone though, not alive at least. Tiger also lost his husband in all of that, taking the ring of his body and still carrying it with him. Being a guy with nothing to his name now, he set out to NC, city closest to where they were camping at the time and just kinda... let himself be taken along, never quite processing any of that, not wanting to face his grief. He did very much consider trying to join in with another group but also it felt.. wrong? He just could never bring himself to. But all of this also very much does lead to him struggling with being a nomad, is he really one still if he isn't moving with a clan? Especially faced with this when he and V encounter the Aldecaldos. Which is a whole other thing I could talk about but damn this first fact is getting long !!!! Also I've never quite settled on which of the Big 7 his group belonged to... At least I think its 7 big names n theres all these little subsections... Gots to sniff my little lore book again some time.

He has a niece! Which he didn't know until recently. A little bit of a happy development after the first fact is that his parents and sister did actually make it out alive, but it wouldn't be until a few years later once Tiger made a name for himself with boxing that they'd find him. In the time they were seperated his sister had a daughter, Ellie. And by god does he love his niece dearly. He spoils her rotten and she loves her uncle so much, thinks he's the coolest.

Tiger is a mechanic/engineer. His interest has always been cars and engines and you've got to keep stuff running around the camp somehow. If your car is making a weird noise, your motorcycle isn't starting or your generators are acting funky, he can fix it. Tiger loves anything mechanical. Anything hardware related he loves messing with. Computers may not be his expertise as much but he loves learning and trying new things.

He is an ex-animals member. Tiger was easily scooped up by the animals, hard to miss a guy like that and he's already got the whole big cat theme going on so he fit right in. Things wouldn't always go smoothly though and eventually he turned into a guinea pig for them to test new and cool concoctions for enhancement which very much very experimental. But he wasn't aware of that, it happened gradually and without him really noticing. His sister very much did pick up on him behaving odd and differently, looking sickly and all that which resulted in her hiring mercenaries to invesitage for her. It wasn't an easy job for them but they did find evidence and it didn't take much to convince Tiger to leave. And leave he did. Safe to say he and the rest of the animals are not on good terms.

He loves cooking!!!! Nothing like a good hearty meal to keep you happy and healthy!

Tiger very much picked his name at a young age. He always loved reading about big cats, fascinated by them. His interest resulted in his parents calling him their little tiger as nickname but it just stuck and he loved it so much. To him its like his parents picking his new name, in a way.

He knows its cheesy, tacky and over the top to have a lot of things on his body be themed after a tiger, leaning into all of that but it makes him happy. The tail, his truck, his clothing, a lot is influenced by that. Though obviously he doesn't only build his identity around that, but its a big part of him that brings him joy.

Because I've seen someone bring it up in the tags on one of my art pieces of him. Tiger can't purr, he considered having something like that done but no, he chuffs, like a tiger does. One could say its a vocal stim. Most of the time he does it in greeting, to agree with something or when he's happy. Little happy noise.

The tail isn't just for looks, a lot of his cyberware very much serves a purpose outside of being just for looks. Tiger works together with his ripper to have the cyberware do exactly what he wants. The tail helps with balance but can also be used to hit someone or grab onto something. He has full control over it but it does also idly move to reflect his emotions or reactions.

His truck is called Leviathan. The truck in question:

It was lost for a little while because it broke down on the way to NC, he didn't have the needed tools to fix it so he had to abandon it, as much as it hurt. Returning to the spot he left it at it was just gone and he was unable to track it down. Very much took from the nomad specific quest in game here but yea the geolocation pinged again and he was able to find it again.

In summary:

#tiger #my ocs #ERM. HI THIS GOT A LITTLE LENGTHY AND THATS ME TRYING TO NOT RAMBLE ON.#I HOPE U ENJOY

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sword-symphonia · 3 months

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non persona post?? My word she's gone mad (SPIRITFARER REVIEW WAOW!!!!) (Very long, I'm sorry) (But not really)

This review discusses themes of death, loss and terminal illness, as well as containing language. I swear a fair bit. Sorry, I typed everything as I thought of it, bad words 'n all.

Good afternoon,(it is 9PM in Ireland) fellas! Welcome to: SPIRITFARER- REVIEWED BY A TEENAGE GIRL WHO IS VERY NORMAL ABOUT HER INTERESTS!! Move over, IGN- it's the weird little guy in the corner (me)'s time to shine! I simply word-vomited this so unfortunately this review is very unprofessionally worded- however, I have faith it will be a fun read. I hope. Also, it's mostly spoiler free! ...I hope! I'm sorry!

So! Hi. I'm Luca. I have crippling thanatophobia. What's that? A phobia of death. And what's Spiritfarer about? Oh, baby. You aren't gonna fuckin' believe this! And, would you believe it, this game... actually helped me with that fear!

Currently, I'm only nine hours in, but. Well basically the damage is irreparable and I fear I shall never be the same again. Now, luckily, I have not cried. Yet. But I will! Oh, BABY I will!!! I have gotten five spirits so far (I'm coming for you, Gustav/threat) and have already had my first trip through the Everdoor. I wasn't ready. Come back, my dear. Please.

Spiritfarer is a game I've wanted to play for quite a long time, so to have been able to buy it about a month ago was one of the most exciting parts of my year so far. No, really! I was HYPED! HELL YEAH, THIS HAS BEEN ON MY WISHLIST FOR AGES! That kind of feeling. And then I started playing, and... hooooly shit. Guys. Dudes. Bros. What the hell. The VISUALS. WOW. W-O-W WOW!!! HOLY BALLS!!!

Look at this. Witness it with your eyes.

Bloody breathtakin'. I'm in tears. The game is absolutely chock-full of colourful (and not so colourful) locations, characters, landscapes... god, I'm so unwell about the visuals. And the ANIMATION!! AUGH! Every character has unique animations that just... oh they illustrate their characters so well. Augh...

Atul is nearly always happy, bouncy and smiley in his animations- a reflection of who he is!! One of his happiness perks is playing joyful music! He is literally just a guy! And Alice! Alice is a kindly old lady, and this is reflected in her design and personality- one of her animations involves dusting herself off, and I just think it gives the perfect image of a sweet elderly woman simply making herself more presentable. Also, she calls you dearie. What if I started bawling? What if I threw myself on the ground roaring and wailing?

Another favourite of mine is Astrid. She's also a kindly old lady- but with sass. Alice is an absolute sweetheart, but Astrid? Astrid won't say no to a cheeky bit of gossip now and then...but shh don't tell anyone gossip is bad shhh HEY WANNA KNOW ASTRID'S NICKNAME FOR STELLA??? Munchkin. What the hell. I love that nickname. Wish I had an adoptive granny that would call me Munchkin. Astrid, my most dearest darling, how I adore you. AND she's pro worker's rights- damn, what a woman. Also, her eating animation is funny. Absolutely DECIMATES a sandwich, so she does.

Tragically I will shut my yap about the characters now as there are quite a few of them and unfortunately I cannot put anyone through that (but know that Gustav and Daria also make me insane), so let's move on, eh? Who fancies a bitta tunes? I sure as hell know I do! LISTEN TO THAT! RAAAAAGHHH!!!! The music isn't a massive part of the game, per se- but it doesn't have to be! The music, of course, adds a pleasant ambience as you play- but it's not in your face! It's a nice, calm, beautifully composed soundtrack, with a special, unique little tune for every minigame. While I have no musical bone in my body personally, I am something of a- how do you say eloquently- whore for a good soundtrack. I love music, I love creativity!! Hooray!!

I actually don't have much to say on the music, but know that I do love it! But, I really really really want to talk about the themes of Spiritfarer... like, really bad.

Okay, so... I'm actually going to get into personal territory here, and it's going to get a bit heavy. If you'd prefer to skip over that, then please, by all means, feel free to skip down until you see red text.

So, there's another reason this game is so dear to me. And that reason is the fact that Spiritfarer actually helps me to process my own grief. While it didn't come out until four years after the loss of my older brother... it helps. And if nine-year-old me had had Spiritfarer at that age, I feel like she would have been able to cope better. I was unlucky- my brother passed away at 1AM, while I was asleep. To this day, I regret not being able to say goodbye... but Spiritfarer illustrates this in a poignant way- sometimes, we won't be able to say goodbye, wether due to extraordinary circumstances or simply... not realising how little time you really have left with someone. This brings me to the spirit I actually look forward to the least- not for any fault of his character, but simply what he symbolises to me.

I find myself dreading meeting Stanley later on in the game. Stanley, the youngest spirit you can meet within the game, is a lovely little boy of eight, taking on the appearance of a little mushroom creature. Nothing is wrong with Stanley, but... it's important to remember that every spirit is... well, a spirit. Someone who's died. And given Stanley is only a small child, it hits that bit closer to home. He is younger than my brother was upon his death, but he was still a child. While it isn't specified what illness it was that Stanley died from, I still see a lot of my brother in him. Spiritfarer does help me and bring me comfort, but at the same time, I'm not sure I'm ready to meet a character so close to my own experiences. The fact Stanley always seems so chipper and smiley despite his difficulties... does not help. Bit too similar, you know?

My relationship with Stanley is an odd one. I don't dislike him- absolutely not, far from it- I dislike the fact his character, a little boy, has to exist. I dislike that children like him exist in real life, and the fact I've met so many of them. It's a hard truth to swallow, and not one I'm fully prepared to deal with.

OVERALL:

I think this game can be enjoyed by everyone, even if you've never experienced grief. It's a beautiful story, and its gorgeous visual charm and cozy mechanics have something for everyone. You can fish, mine, cook, craft, and basically everything in between! Also, there is a hug button. You can hug people. Game of the decade. I love hugs! It's so... god. I just... really like the hug button, man. Oh, and did I mention you can play co-op?! If you have a friend you'd like to play with, they can join the fun as Daffodil, Stella's beloved pet cat! Look at him, isn't he gorgeous!!

So, would I reccomend Spiritfarer? Short answer:

Yes.

Long answer: Yes, absolutely. It's an absolutely wonderful cozy game, with tons to do. There's no voice acting, but I don't think this game needs it- it tells an absolutely wonderful tale without it. Each character has a distinct personality and quirks- Summer is vegan and will adjust her diet as such, while Atul will quite literally eat anything you throw at him. Giovanni is brash, confident, and enjoys the finer things in life, whereas Astrid likes things plain and simple. And Daria? Daria just really likes fruit.

If you have an interest in Spiritfarer, I highly encourage you to check it out. It's available on a number of platforms (Playstation, Steam, even on mobile- although that's through Netflix, and also not very good. In my opinion, anyway.) I highly, highly, highly reccomend it to all cosy gams enjoyers, or even just people who like games in general. There's even little bits of platforming here and there, if you're into that! Do you yearn for the mines? How about becoming a woodcutter? Or maybe you just really like smelting. Well, excellent news- you can do all those things in Spiritfarer! The gameplay, music, visuals and most importantly of all, the story, make this game a highly worthwhile purchase in the long run. Chances are, if you like Stardew Valley, you'll like Spiritfarer.

Thunder Lotus Games has shattered my soul in ways I may never recover from- however, I am not upset about it. God, I bloody love Spiritfarer. This review took two and a half hours to type, I shit you not. God bless.

#spiritfarer #this game is killing me #It will kill me #crying screaming throwing up #Spiritfarer when I find you spiritfarer #GHHHH #Members of the jury- I am insane. Thank you

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krysmcscience · 6 months

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Get ready for Amogus Spam!!!

Characters belong to @crinklytinfoil - I just came up with the designs and outfits~ All appearance details are taken directly from either the fics themselves (which, as always, approach with caution and MIND THE TAGS) or the comments sections of said fics, though I have also relentlessly poked Crinkle IRL for additional details, such as each character's name and individual fashion sense...or lack thereof (Finnegan) XD

(If you want to read the fics, keep in mind that you will need to be signed in to an Ao3 account first! And again - MIND THE TAGS! Shit gets dark FAST.)

The Skeld bois! The fucked up crew that started it all~ Only like five actual decent human beings on this crew, and all but one of them fukken DIED, lmao. (Congrats on surviving, Devon, you used to be Kind Of An Asshole but you got better. XD) Clark is such an Obvious Dad - it's why he had to die first, he was the only thing keeping shit together, True Facts, sorry you had to find out this way. <:/ Adam is so Fishing, I bet he fantasizes about having a trout boyfriend girlfriend in his spare time. :) Brown is Babby (stabby-babby), but we all knew that already. And then there's wannabe High Class Fuckboi Purple and his emo "boyfriend", yaaaay, can't wait to find out how Purple dies or anything like that, noooo... All that aside, White's outfit makes me want to die inside, why would anyone want to mix hippie and ouji lolita aesthetics??? White, please, no, even your fashion sense is torturous! D:>

(Full-size here, in case tumblr fucks it up)

Corpatch babbies! Everyone on this crew is certified Babby. (Yes, even you, Skylar. Sorry I had to separate you from Pink in the final image, it was too wide and I hated it, please I'm sorry, put the wrench away-) Love that I got to mostly copy-pasta Devon, made my life so much easier after the artistic nightmare that was Stacy's outfit. Fun Fact: That dress is one of over a hundred jellyfish-themed lolita dresses I've designed! This one has a box jellyfish on it, along with other pretty deadly sea creatures, and is called 'Killer Cuties'~ Wilhelm gets to have some matchies with his platonic girlfriend as a treat, also (Fun Fact: he absolutely wears those novelty glasses to Serious Events). Skye's outfit upsets me personally but it's not as bad as fucking Finnegan's so they get a pass. Pink is, of course, The Best One, and let it be known that the little leaf pin is a reference to Bay~

(Full-size here, in case tumblr fucks it up)

Doncaster folks! Such a long image...I blame Vance. Because I always blame things on Vance for some reason. It's just fun, okay? And also I'm bitter about how long it took to draw his damn Bobblehead mech. Him and Aurora both took what felt like a million years to finish, so now Vance has given me additional Drawing Wires trauma, and Aurora somehow seems Too Expensive for me to afford looking at her. Obviously the best part of all of this was everyone's favorite polycule of Brown, Green, and Red (I dare you to suggest they are not Precious), but I also enjoyed trying to come up with an outfit for Umber that screamed 'I think I'm the main character'. XD (If anyone can guess what's supposed to be on Black's shirt, meanwhile, they get a Gold Star!)

(Full-size here, in case tumblr fucks it up)

And, as a bonus, a goofy scribble comic of the Doncaster AU, which I threw at Crinkle after initially requesting (read: attempting to commission) a What If Scenario where Brown never got brought along with White to the Corpatch, and so never met Pink, thus ensuring Brown remained Terrified of impostors. Because my brain wouldn't stop going hog wild over the concept for some reason. 8|

Finally, a WIP of the Parmenides bastards- uh, I mean, Totally Normal Crew of Fine Individuals who are Not At All Terrible. (Apologies to Danni, Marek, and Ashley for getting mixed up in all this, y'all deserved better.) Bet no one was expecting Johnny to be a certified Gamer Catboi, huh? But I bet everyone was expecting Kyle to look like a Born Republican, and possibly Mitch McConnell's estranged half-brother - cuz that's just how the guy is. So Delightful. Also I was totally not salty about having to look at Purple's stupid smug face again while modifying the copypasta of it, No Sir, why would that ever be the case? He's just so great and not the most hateable character ever or anything. (eyerolling intensifies) In other news, Kage's head is way too small and it's driving me crazy but I'll have to fix it later for the finished full-body chibi+bust piece and I'm D Y I N G. Anyway, no icon spoilers for this one - the fic itself is meant to make the readers wonder who the impostors are, so I'm not going to reveal anything on that front.

(Full-size here, in case tumblr fucks it up)

THAT IS ALL

#art #among us #not my characters #my designs tho #i did my best and i have learned new things #like that older people are Hard To Draw XD #i am working on original stuff too i swear #original stuff that is heavily inspired by among us - true - but original stuff nonetheless

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dangertoozmanykids101 · 1 year

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Mistaken: An Arranged Marriage Bratva Romance, by Arianna Fraser (aka @caffiend-queen )

Look what arrived last night!!! Written by our very own brilliant @caffiend-queen !!

I love the cover my dear. But of course we all know that our main anti-hero / dastardly villain / antagonistic Adonis REALLY looks like, don't we y'all.

The REAL Maksim Morozov

I continue to ramble and swoon over this book and its characters after the break below. I've chosen gifs to fit my mental picture and a theme song I've assigned to @caffiend-queen 's book.

Walking with his bodyguard.

Always on the phone.

Weight of society's underbelly rests on his shoulders. Wide wide broad muscular shoulders that block out the sun when he towers over his beautiful Ella Givens, our brilliant protagonist and heroine in this story.

And the Real Yuri Morozov - Maksim's second hand man and cheeky loyal brother.

Don't forget, he's Maksim's right hand man. So dangerous!! *Gulp.

He's the personable friendly brother. He's the lucky one who doesn't have to strike fear in everyone ALL THE TIME. He's allowed to smile and laugh sometimes. OMG I WANT TO FUCK THE BROTHER! I'm Team Yuri all the way!! Am I allowed to call out a Team Yuri?

Damn. It would have been so much easier to pick out the right image if the characters were simple and two dimensional. RIGHT?

But like all of @caffiend-queen 's characters - these two men - two terrifying, beautiful, brave, ruthless, loyal, sexy, kinky, fucked up, violent, infuriating men have a lifetime of experiences that add up to who they are today. There are so many moods, so many hats, so many roles they play with every different character, who they are to them, how they act with them. How much they reveal and when. When do they let their guard down versus when they don't. In the end, the men are just living roles they were dealt within the world they were born into. Trying to survive, thrive even, and take care of their family.

OMG.... The ACTION SCENES!! This is so intense I've been on the edge of my seat!

Y'all gotta read this!!!

Check in with @caffiend-queen for info. It hit the 'bookshelves' just this month. Both e-book and the hard copy. I love it!

One morning I heard the PERFECT theme song for the chapters I'd been reading the night before. The entire drive to school and back I had to play it multiple times. (And it's now my son's favorite song, so he has been requesting it specifically each car ride for a couple weeks. It goes to say that the whole family can sing it word for word by this point.)

I'm so excited to have all y'all listen to it and tell me if you can see the intense action scenes from the book play out in your mind like they do in mine when this song plays. Please let me know what you think??

Give And Take, by Poor Man's Poison.

youtube

Someday I'm gonna show up on your doorstep, @caffiend-queen , with a huge box of all your books I've collected over the years for you to sign for me. :-) I can't wait!

Spread the word and boost this signal. REBLOG PLEASE. Support and promote our sister. All her profits go to the local Crisis Nursery in her city. Such a wonderful way to support them and help families in crisis. Again check in with @caffiend-queen for the exact details.

@nildespirandum @emeraldrosequartz @ladyoftheteaandblood @alexakeyloveloki @tilltheendwilliwrite @jtargaryen18 @imanuglywombat @myoxisbroken @lokisgoodgirl @devikafernando @threeminutesoflife @talklokitome @latent-thoughts @mooncat163 @nonsensicalobsessions @angelriverwrites @kind-of-crazy-butthatsokay @frostbitten-written @just-the-hiddles @redfoxwritesstuff @imnotrevealingmyname @shiningloki @grufflepuff-writes-stuff @so-easy-to-love-me @wolfsmom1 @what-is-your-plan-today

#Youtube

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chevvy-yates · 8 months

Note

🖊 HIZUMI PLEASE!!!!!

You bring up the fact that I ALWAYS neglect Hizumi a whole damn lot. So thanks for wanting to know more about them in the first place. <3

Where do I start?

It's a bit weird gushing about this 'oc' that only exists as a cosplay still and that I see kind of as a self insert since Hizumi actually has my face and came to life through me as I wanted to do a Cyberpunk themed outfit over a year ago.

I can say, they will look probably a bit different than me in the game, when I create them; because they are half Japanese, half American (I am German) and I doubt this game has my face either. I have only a few facts I can share about them – not sure anymore if they already got posted here on tblr (in their about tag) or not, so gomen nasai if you came across them already! ———–—

Hizumi's oni mask is a keepsake from their little brother who's been too dumb (sadly) by joining the Tyger Claws and got murdered when he decided it was wrong and wanted to leave. Hizumi doesn't like Tyger Claws but thought it's best to dress like them as well so they are harder to be seen. Their style also leans heavily on the Night City urban legend of "The Demon of Kabuki". Everyone fears this oni and many dress up like him and you never kown who is the real one, so Hizumi too, uses it for their advantages.

Hizumi likes to roam the realm of the supernatural and believes the spirits are talking to them. Chigasaki got interested in it very early when they were diving into the world of Japanese folklore full of gods and creatures such as oni and yokai. They believe to have had an encounter with the Kami Inari at their home shrine* in Kamakura that lies deep in the woods behind the hidden village. *Sasuke Inari Jinja — my favorite place, a shrine in/near Kamakura near Tokyo — deep in the woods behind the city (its more like a big town for me). It's so beautiful and feels mystic to me, however I assume most Japanese people think it might be rather scary as I remember having shown my pics to a group (who thankfully spoke German) and they were scared of how it looked there with all the fox statues because theres tones of them placed everywhere within and around the shrine in the forest.

They have trained with a sword ever since Hizumi was 4 years old because their father used to be a skilled sword master and smith. Hizumi comes from a historic city named Kamakura* — a city that used to be the de facto capital of Japan from 1185 to 1333 and the seat of the Kamakura shogunate. Many warriors found their rest in and around Kamakura. *I've been in Kamakura 4x, full of historic stuff and too many shrines to take a look at. I can imagine very well that Hizumi grew up there in their childhood.

Hizumi is a lazy bitch. Only talks when necessary or needed, doesn't interfere much either. It's likely that Vijay or Ryder have to give them an exact order to do something — it's like when you enter a taxi in Tokyo and can't tell the driver the exact location, he won't start driving. You'll spot Hizumi mostly sitting or lying around being lazy but still observing. In battle however Hizumi is fast (makes use of sandevistan) and very skilled in using their katana.

They also like to be up on high buildings. It's where they feel safest and inapproachable in the city. Down in the streets there is only danger around you all the time called daily life. Up high on a skyscraper, they've got peace.* So, Hizumi likes to travel mostly over rooftops and is a huge fan of chilling on fire escape stairs, likely to observe enemies from above and also enter jobs this way if it's not in open space. *My inspiration for that comes from Shiey – a pretty well known urbexer who does youtube series exploring mostly lost places and climbing up high building without any secure ropes but also does journeys from there to there and even produces his own music videos. Shiey does that what I'd love to do most. be free from all this daily shit. I love his mindset and thought it fits perfectly for Hizumi.

———

I definitely want to bring Hizumi into the game but I've been mostly waiting for one sided cyberware to be made as I gave Hizumi only a one sided eye cyberware (which is available now since a few months), but I'm also struggling with what body to give them as Hizumi is nonbinary — I don't see her as female, neither as male and neither of the bodies currently available does really fit (I'll likey have to use vanilla female with flat chest) and then the next problem awaits me; their hairstyle … and the clothings at last. it's a pain.

But Hizumi is part of the big CP story, they do not appear all the time as they are not a full team member and travel a lot between Night City and Toyko but I want them to be a pixel char as well. And the same amount I'd love to take more "real" pics as well because I have a bunch of clothes that fit to them and I have my copycat demon of kabuki outfit as well (but currently none to take pics of me and I'm too lazy to do it myself).

So I think that was gushin or "information" enough for a certain while?

Also, since I didn't want to distrupt the numbering above I'll attach some pics of the Sasuke Inari Jinja shrine I talked about here the end of this post. Since they are also my own pics, my usual disclaimer attached as well: —

Please do not repost any of my art.

#about: hizumi chigasaki #cyberpunk cosplay #original character #cyberpunk oc #I got fernweh now looking at my Japan pics T_T

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devflamme · 7 months

Text

BRUTUS.

Summary: Simply, young Nicholas Scratch fucking around and finding out.” (that's literally what I wrote on the google doc.)

Warnings: Religious themes, child abuse, talks about parenting, Agatha being fucked up, literal murder and then resurrection, violence, the normal™

Word count: 1,6k+

Note: I wrote this purely based on a leak from the Agatha series that will release next year. This is not canon, never will be, if it ever is canon, I want credits for it /J. Also based on the song Brutus by The Buttress, as I am obsessed with this song for so many years now. By the way, I haven't started reading the comics yet, I only know Nicholas Scratch by what I've read on his wiki and Agatha's. Another thing: English is not my first language, if you see any typos, please tell me and I'll fix it!

On AO3: 🔮

The boy could feel his mother's eyes on him. Piercing through him, hurting his feelings, hurting his heart — his little boy, going through her things like a little rascal. Has she not educated him enough? She was gripping his ear scoldingly, her long and curly black hair swishing around his forehead while all the things the little boy could see and hear was her blue eyes, shining with that purple aura he always were afraid of, and her voice - booming through his ears and making him cry and whimper like a lost puppy.

"I'm sorry, mother! I'm sorry!" He would scream. He would wail. He would plead.

"You're not sorry. Nicholas, you're not sorry." She would grit through her teeth, her smile scary and making little Nicholas Scratch shiver in fear. His mother was strict, the strictest of them all, while mama was so loving. Mama was sweet. He was a mama's boy, as mother would call him. The biggest mama's boy — pathetic and weak, as Rio would just defend him for anything wrong he did when he looked at her with those big eyes and pathetic pout. He wasn't strong enough. He never will be strong enough in Agatha Harkness' eyes. "Why did you touch that damned book? What's wrong with your head?"

"I was curious, mother!" Nicholas wailed, tears going down his face in angry streaks. Agatha was carrying him through the wood cabin, towards Rio, who was at the basement mixing up potions. Another weakling. Too much interested in potions and nature to be strong and able; the Darkhold used to whisper to Agatha about how her wife was pathetic. About how her son was pathetic. "I was just curious. The book... The book was calling out to me... I h-heard my name..."

Agatha stops in her tracks, almost dropping the boy down to the hardwood floor. She looks at Nicholas, who was still crying profusely, his face red and face puffy, some snot in his nose. "What? What did you say?"

No. That shouldn't be possible. He wasn't- He couldn't. He was her son, obviously — But... How? How could he be worthy? At such a young age?

"I heard my name... I thought you or m-mama were calling me... So I searched for you." Nicholas answers, his voice small and broken, hiccuping through his sentences. Nicholas dries his tears with the back of his chubby hand, looking up at his mother and looking for some softness in her eyes. He didn't find any. "I went into the- The library. I thought- I thought you were there. But it was only that book you told me n-not to read... I only touched it once! I'm sorry, mother!"

"We can't have that. I told you to not touch it. I told you to not even look at it." Agatha rasps out, her eyes closed and her breath uneven, as if she was controlling herself to not do anything she would regret afterwards. She felt like God, when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit from Heaven. "Why did you disobey me?"

"I'm sorry! Please, mother, forgive me." Nicholas whispers, gripping Agatha's dark robes and hugging Agatha, his tears staining Agatha's linen clothes. She looks down at Nicholas, her eyes shining with her purple magic, but she could also feel another thing. Darkness. The darkness from the Darkhold's magic — the thing holding her from committing one of the biggest mistakes in her life.

"Nicholas, can you come with me? I want to show a place to you."

Therefore the Lord God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken.

Agatha didn't want this.

She didn't want to be a mother - that was Rio's dream, not hers. Her dream was to get even more powerful, to find ways to decipher that one damned book, and to just conquer everything. She didn't have time for this. For a child.

The first time she saw Nicholas, she knew he wasn't going to be the best kid. The most intelligent. The most powerful. He was just a normal kid, with his eyes green and curious like Rio's, his curls rebellious like Agatha's, and his chubby hands that loved to play with the wet dirt in the forest next to the family's cabin. He was, most of all, curious and nosy. Nicholas loved to snoop on Agatha's things, to watch while Rio brewed her potions and made her rituals in the cabin's basement — he wanted to learn, but he wasn't going to learn anything. Agatha created a futile heir, so futile that she didn't want her surname, Harkness, powerful and almighty, to be related to that child. Nicholas Scratch it is — only a scratch of what Agatha wanted him to be.

As they went into the dark forest, hand in hand, Agatha was growing tired of hearing Nicholas' sobs, pained as Agatha squeezed his tiny hands in hers, her own boney and scarred and most of all, corrupted. Corrupted by the very thing that was convincing her to do that — to sacrifice her own... creation. Her own vessel. To get stronger. To finally achieve what she wanted.

Power.

"M-mother, where are we going?"

Agatha didn't answer. She threw Nicholas on the wet grass, next to a big boulder that was covered in mud and moss. She flicked her wrist, taking out the Darkhold of the pocket dimension she created to store it in. As Agatha pulled the Darkhold, in a cloud of dark purple and black magic, Nicholas started to cry louder, his weeping making the birds on the trees fly away to somewhere they knew they wouldn't be hurt by the monster in the woods.

O mihi potestatem. Propitius esto, et intende conatus meos ut hoc tibi do.

Agatha would whisper, her eyes closed and sparkling purple through her eyelids. She lifts her wrist, her whole body sparkling purple, the noise and Nicholas' pained screams echoing by the until now silent forest. She looks down at the body in front of her, now lifeless and cold, dry and dead — just like that one damned day in 1693, where she looked down at the dead bodies of her coven members and coven leader. She couldn't call Evanora her mother - a mother wouldn't do what she did with Agatha. Her own daughter. Her own blood.

No mother would.

Brutus betrayed him.

Brutus killed him.

Brutus sacrificed him.

As he got up and looked around, he saw a forest covered by snow and darkness. How much time passed, he couldn't say. He didn't know what date it was — and yet, he knew exactly where to go. With his body full of hatred, Nicholas Scratch got up, feet weak and unsure, as he got used to the bigger body he now had. He was now an adult — what his mother's magic did to him, he didn't know. Only thing he noticed was now he had an adult body and the mind of a troubled kid who wanted nothing but to avenge what was done to him many, many years ago.

His hair was long just like his mother's. Curly and unruly, getting past his lower back in a mess of black and some white strands — he was literally a portrait of the one who betrayed him. Nicholas had nothing in common with his mama, the one that really loved him for what he was; only the troubled green in his eyes that contrasted with the weak green from the leaves that were not covered by the thick snow. Nicholas couldn't even feel the cold, piercing through his body. He was blind. Blind by hatred, sadness and by the desire of revenge.

As he marched through the forest, his feet unsure, he pulled strands and strands of his hair, hissing through his teeth. He didn't want this. He wanted to rip every part of his body that reminded him of Agatha Harkness. He could cut his head off, then give it to some wild bear to eat, together with his own body and skin and meat and soul.

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

He ripped a tuft of hair from his head, looking at it being held by his trembling hand. Nicholas growls, throwing the tuft out in the woods and running — running in bare feet as he gets out of the woods. He could see an old cabin, full of moss and broken, the wood chopped and glass shattered. His family's old cabin.

Nicholas runs even faster, getting to the door and just throwing his body against it, the door falling on the other side of the cabin in a loud thud. He gets up from the floor, looking around in an exasperated manner, his eyes crazed and twitching. The state of the cabin was chaotic — things on the floor, dust in the air. He could still smell the darkness and electricity from Agatha's magic, contrasting with the familiar scent from Rio's magic, calming and misty. He knew that the magic that stayed in the cabin wasn't recent - if it was recent, there would be the magic aura mixing together, purple and green. There was nothing.

"Mama?" Nicholas rasps out, his voice gravelly and throaty. He walks through the cabin, going straight to the stairs that went to the bewitched basement below him. He jumps to the last step, his feet almost failing and throwing him to the ground as he holds himself on the wall. Nicholas enters the basement, the basement looking even messier than the rest of the cabin. Nicholas could see some dried blood stains on the walls - that made him almost puke, thinking about what Agatha did to Rio.

Mama can't be dead. She can't. She can't. She can't. She can't. Nicholas would chant, his hands holding his own head while he walked around the basement, looking for anything that could be proof that Rio was okay. Anything.

Nicholas screamed his mother's name, hatred dripping from his tongue, his voice echoing through the walls.

#agatha harkness #agatha harkness fanfic #nicholas scratch #rio vidal #my writing #agatha coven of chaos #agatha darkhold diaries #love writing 1k+ words just because of a LEAK.

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immortalconclusions · 2 years

Text

Thoughts on Episode 1 of Interview with the Vampire (2022)

Hi there it's me ya boy immortal_conclusions.

It's been a long ride waiting for this show to come out. When it was announced a year and a half ago, my reaction was one of joy and then trepidation. "Hope for the best, expect the worst." That moment spawned hours and days and months of what the worst (and least academically inclined, I might add) among us called "intellectual debate" in this fandom, most of which was horrifying flaming garbage that most of you know about and that I won't get into here. As someone who remained optimistic throughout that time of uncertainty and tried to uplift voices of other people of color, it's been a long road. In the past year and a half I've written boatloads of fic, made dear friendships, burned friendships with others. A few months ago, I almost stopped writing and almost quit this fandom. I'm so glad I didn't, and today proves why.

"For the first time in my life, I was seen." - Louis de Pointe du Lac, Interview with the Vampire (2022)

This episode was, in a word, perfection. It was gut wrenching, gorgeous, brutal, and devastatingly sad. The framing device was using sparingly and effectively, and the pacing was magnificent. I almost didn't breathe throughout that entire ending sequence. It was a trainwreck hurtling towards its inevitable conclusion. It was overwhelming, dramatic, heartbreaking...everything it should have always been. The amount of respect and homage to canon was more than I'd ever expected.

I am not afraid to say this: they elevated and went beyond the source material.

The way they centered Louis' very human, very real struggles was so poignant and effective. Jacob Anderson portrayed his rage and his guilt and his white-knuckled repression with virtuosity. Louis is filled with guilt over the condemnation of his brother to a world which would never accept him, his homosexuality, immorality of his exploitive profession and the way it betrays his family and his race and his history. He is a man defined by his guilt, imprisoned by lies, and damned by cowardice.

"Bless me father, for I have sinned. Grievously sinned. I'm a drunk, Lord. I am a liar. I am a thief, Lord. I profit off the miseries of other men and I do it easy. Drugs, liquor, women. I lure them in and grab what they got, Lord. I take daughters with no homes and I put 'em out on the street, Lord, and I lie to myself, saying I'm giving them a roof and food and dollar bills in their pocket, but I look in the mirror, I know what I am -- the big man in the big house stuffing cotton in my ears so I can't hear their cries. And Lord I dragged my whole family into this mess with me. I shamed my father. I failed my brother. I lost my mother and sister, and rather than fix it like a man should, Lord, I run. Like a coward. I run to the bottle, I run to the grift, I run to bad beds. I laid down with a man. I laid down with The Devil. And he has roots in me. All his spindly roots in me, and I can't think nothing anymore but his voice and his words. Please, help me!"

This really got to me. That is Louis right there. That is the unfettered essence of his character. JA's performance was magnificent. (Jacob Anderson IS Louis de Pointe du Lac and I will never see him any other way.) This passage reminded me of what a genius Anne was to create this character that nobody ever had before, a character that has captured hearts and minds since. It was mainlining Louis straight into my soul.

Suffice to say, this was more than I'd ever hoped and imagined. I can't even begin to scratch the surface on some of the themes here and how much they mean to me, because I'm overwhelmed right now. This series that I've loved and grown so attached to, adapted in such a faithful and thoughtful way. Carrying all the themes through and transforming them into something even better than the original. I have a whole new appreciation for the source material that I never had before. I am floored and no joke this has restored my fucking faith in humanity. Literally. I am not even kidding about that. We all deserve to be seen. We all deserve to have the stories that are meaningful to us told and shared and loved. Today, we won.

#interview with the vampire #iwtv #amc’s interview with the vampire #amc iwtv #vc #vampire chronicles #louis de pointe du lac #jacob anderson

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daffodil--lament · 1 year

Text

caoimhin 2022 reading wrap up

- Gideon the Ninth & Harrow the Ninth - good. made me insane. read them basically cover to cover. awesome

- The Hobbit - 10/10 it's the fuckin hobbit man. this was of course a re-read because I'm cultured

- The Great Gatsby - cool. enjoyed. also a re-read. so true fitzgerald materialism is bad. I love gay people

- Dogsbody - so good. dwj's ability to balance the themes of her stories always gets me. I need to read more of her books

- Howl's Moving Castle - I've read it more than 10 times in the last two years I love it so much 10000/10

- A Study In Charlotte - I love me some sherlock holmes. I love autism. I love people who are fucked up. enjoyed it as much as I did when I was 13

- Castle In The Air - hmc sequel. gets better every re-read. dwj poses an earth shattering question: what if all your favorite characters got even stupider? (this is about prince justin. he's the worst I love him)

- A River Runs Through It - destroyed me. holy shit. I finished that last page and had to go lay down for awhile. I was thinking about it for days. I am haunted by waters. god. good lord almighty.

- House of Many Ways - MASSIVE tone shift from a river runs through it. Charmain is a bitch and I like her so much. twinkle sucks. 9 million out of ten I love you Sophie Pendragon

- Howl's Moving Castle - by the time you finish homw you have to start hmc again to distract yourself from the series ending. howl and sophie were holding one another's hands and smiling and smiling quite unable to stop. I'm gonna pass out

- Hamlet - fuckin classic duh. I read this for the first time in seventh grade because I'm better than everyone. there's a reason it's one of the most widely known pieces of literature ever written

- Pride and Prejudice - also better every time I read it. Jane Austen is a genius. I wish I had an Elizabeth to my Darcy

- The Lightning Thief - percy jackson my beloved

- Sea of Monsters - retweet

- Storm Front - harry dresden is a bitch

- Fool Moon - harry dresden gets grievously injured, still manages to kill people

- Grave Peril - michael carpenter my beloved

- Summer Knight - karrin murphy btw (she is not enjoying herself)

- Death Masks - I love small children who carry great magical power

- Persuasion - Jane Austen I love you. I played minecraft prolifically while I listened to this book. it was so good. genuinely amazing. love love love

- Loki: Agent of Asgard - I always start this and I'm like "ha ha funny comic book" and then by the end I'm completely decimated. the art is so cool and I love watching it change throughout the run. conceptually the whole story and premise are so amazing. I can't really explain the extent of how good it is and do it justice. it's just awesome

- Pride and Prejudice - I forgot that I read this twice but if it's on the list you'd better be damn sure it happened

- The Raven Boys - I love pretentious glasses-wearing teenage boys (me irl)

- Patriot Games - the Harrison Ford movie is better but it was chill ig.

- Dream Thieves - fuck shit up little man

- Blue Lily, Lily Blue - popular among welsh voices in my head

- Murder on the Orient Express - AMAZING. I love hercule poirot so much. although I sort of knew the general ending, having seen, you know, literally any TV show made in the last 100 years, I was really surprised and pleased with the way the whole novel unfolded itself. awesome

- The Raven King - honestly awesome ending to the series. thoroughly enjoyed

- Rebecca - books that changed me at age 8. not sure why my mother chose to give me this book at that age but I'm forever glad she did. Rebecca is dead the entire story and she haunts it more than any ghost could. Spectacular. something about Mrs de Winter's name never being told to us or said out loud, but Rebecca's name being EVERYWHERE.... fantastic

- Blood Rites - I LOVE YOU THOMAS

- Never Let Me Go - I understand why this was award winning and I think I will never read it again

- Howl's Moving Castle - what better way to end my year. howl said I think we ought to live happily ever after and sophie thought he meant it. also I got the fancy illustrated hardcover version for Christmas and I am so happy. I will not be lending it to anyone ever. it's my baby.

#hmc #reading #books #keys.txt

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madraleen · 4 months

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Bungo Stray Dogs - Season 2 A highly unconvincing "I like the anime a ~normal~ amount" commentary.

-i'm about to start s2 and i'm giggling like a schoolgirl about to meet her crush. i'm all "I MISSED YOU, DAZAI!" i finished s1 yesterday. THERE WAS NO TIME TO MISS NO DAZAI! and yet.

-i already thought we were on the saddest ep so far, with dazai saying he loses everything he wants, but then the kids got blown off and... yeah. we're in the dark timeline. i came out here to have fun and...

-ranpo?? bumping into oda?? i was not expecting that.

-aha aha ha, bungo stray dogs, so whimsical, then why am i crying...

-and then dazai fulfilled his "i want to help people" goal and found friends :'). so lil bb has been with the agency two-ish years. okay. okay. i love dazai. okay.

-i'm glad the ending titles are keeping the theme of dazai tenderly touching his people

-i can't believe i'm saying this, but i feel bad for akutagawa. he needs help. like in life.

-this is the most intensely i've binge-watched something in a long time. and i don't binge-watch, i need breathers. but no. it's dazai et al or nothing.

-lol the agency in the opening: more or less normal. kenji-kun: holding a street sign. as you do.

-MY MAN DAZAI JUST BITCH-SLAPPED ATSUSHI

-"stop pitying yourself. pity yourself, and life becomes an endless nightmare." hi i love dazai

-i love that atsushi's emotional growth isn't a straight line. he thought himself worthless and useless. then he found strength. then he backpedaled when he got rattled. then dazai slapped him and he sort of regained his composure. and so on. it's very realistic, feels intentional, and not inconsistent at all, because there's always something triggering the back and forth

-HEEEEELP IT'S ANGO!

-MOBY DICK AHAHAHA nice

-oh gosh the plan to destroy the city is terrible and also so smart

-YES! YES! AN AGENCY-PORT MAFIA ALLIANCE YES! YES PLEASE LISTEN TO ATSUSHI'S BRILLIANT IDEA YES

-for the record, since i talked about weak plot in s1, i am enjoying the s2 plot, i'm yelling at the screen and everything

-DAZAI AND CHUUYA ALLIANCE AAAHHH

-DAMN YOU, THE WAY CHUUYA YELLS DAZAI'S NAME WHEN HE'S HIT BY THE TENTACLES! SCREW YOU! i am soft

-AND THEN HE RUNS TO HIM?? TO CHECK IF HE'S ALRIGHT?? AND TELLS HIM HE'S HURT PRETTy BAD?!?! this is too much for me

-wdym the tentacles aren't an ability. also i love dazai

-"let's just give up and die" errr... my fictional husbands, all two of them, seem to have a pattern… (see: “give up on your dream and die,” aot, vol x, page y, panel z)

-DAZAI CALLED CHUUYA PARTNER I CANNOT I LOVE THEM TOGETHER

-i kinda love how ranpo's biggest obstacle is himself and his inability to accept that he isn't an ability user. if he could do that, they'd be out of the book in a second

-oh. oh atsushi and akutagawa in the same solo infiltration. that's gonna go well.

-i'm so genuinely excited to resume rewatching every time

-akutagawa, my man, do you really think THIS IS THE RIGHT TIME TO KILL ATSUSHI? yeah, "yare yare" indeed, dazai, control your children!

-i know he's our villain, but damn, dazai, show an ounce of attention to akutagawa, i feel sorry for him

-akutagawa and atsushi accidentally finding release and relief through each other shut up i love them :"). be careful, little ones

-the city is about to be destroyed and dazai is playing therapist to kyouka, i love this show

-the little baby strays working together :') (*atsushi and akutagawa)

-akutagawa keeps saving atsushi, lmao

-KYOUKA-CHANNN :")))

-YOU JUST DEFEATED THE HEAD OF THE GUILD, AKUTAGAWA, DO YOU GET THAT

-yesss, dazai praised akutagawa :")))

-he wanted to be sure for the real disaster, he says. s2: an elaborate real-life training arc from dazai to his baby strays. But, my man dazai, what was the fail-safe?! what if the baby strays failed?! i understand it’s all about belief and trust, but, MY MAN, the entire city was at stake!

-ABILITY: CRIME AND PUNISHMENT AKSFJNJKSSG I AM EXCITED (also the fact that dostoyevsky's va is ayato and luocha's va, does not compute)

-I LOVE SEASON 2 SO MUCH :"))) It’s just proof of how a story can be serious and violent and dark and still have a fundamentally feel-good vibe. misleadingly feel-good that is, ‘cause once you take a moment to take in what’s happening, it’s more like, “DERANGED! EVERYONE IS DERANGED!” but in a feel-good way.

-i really like that people stay in the story. that they're not one-off antagonists/allies.

-I wish wish wish i were familiar with more of the actual authors. i don’t think it takes away from the enjoyment if you don’t know them, but when you do know them, the references are like easter eggs and it’s delightful.

#bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs anime #bungou stray dogs #anime commentary

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a-gal-with-taste · 2 years

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MIf you don’t mind, could you please write a Silcoxfe!reader where the reader is extremely protective of Jinx, as a mother would be, and ends up saving her from harm, but seriously injuring herself in the process? And after being absolutely furious that his lover was hurt, he is extremely worried—in his Silco way—and tries to distract her from her pain, perhaps by pleasuring Reader? Entirely up to you. I hope you’re doing good, thanks!

Naw, thanks for the idea, love me some mom!reader for Jinx! I decided to make half of this focused on the Jinx and Reader aspect (thank @sweatandwoe for it, just rebinged all of Secret Ingredients plus chapter 14 and like always, it's just 👌👌👌) but I hope you still enjoy the Silco/Reader half (be happy to add more/Part 2 if requested!)

2k+, Established Silco X Fem!Reader

Warnings: Suggested themes but nothing explicit. Language, violence/blood mentioned, implied Mental Health issues (Jinx), parents/couples fighting, injured!Reader, fluff, hurt/comfort, Silco earns himself the couch for a couple nights by being a bit stupid with his emotions/how he processes seeing someone he cares for hurt, briefly implied NSFW themes

The moment you hear her say it, nothing else matters. The moment that little girl, who you've only known for less than a year, with eyes wider and bluer than the far-away skies, looks at you and says "Mom?"

This deal going horribly wrong much too quickly, doesn't matter. The hands brushing along guns, knives or curling into fists, in the bar that is dangerously, stupidly underprotected, doesn't matter. The fact that backup is at least minutes away, and it would be stupid to whip out a weapon now, doesn't matter. Not even the fact that you feel the cool circle brushing against your side, matters to you in that moment, as you stare back at the girl.

The girl who just called you mom.

The girl who is looking at you with eyes seeking protection, defending and security.

Your little girl, who has a man's dirty, soon-to-be-dead paw on her shoulder, looks to you for help and there is not a single other damn thing in the world, that matters to you more in that moment.

Putting your hand on your hip, you lock your fingers around your weapon, bare your full-set of teeth and begin to see red-

-and then you open your eyes again on blue.

Jinx, tossing aside her markers, immediately buries her face into your neck with arms squeezing around you, as you rest on the cot. She attempts at being careful with the healing scars as she clings to you. But you wouldn't dare to tell her that even the softest of her iron-clad hugs make your body ache.

Silco doesn't show up. Sevika, instead arrives, and after her obligatory 'you are an fucking idiot' speech, consisting of a repeat of those exact five words, several times, along with a multitude of glares, she stops, sighs and drags her flesh-hand down her face. "He looks like hell, worse than he normally does."

"No shit," You managed out, running your fingers through azure locks. You glance at the seat where the girl had been sitting at, pulled up close to use your clothes as a makeshift coloring-board. The 'get well,' 'you kicked ass' and one large, bright blue 'I miss you,' make it hard to be frustrated at the new state of your clothing.

You can, however, find a bit of frustration and a pang of hurt in the knowledge that there's only one chair. And no sign of another. Or that there even has been another during your time of recovery.

"Where is he?" Sevika pauses, a small pursing of her lips, before gruffly, and with the closest thing to sympathy in her voice, "Working."

"I've always consitered you a smart woman, so let me ask you one question - when did you become so incompetent?" Not the hello you were expecting, but you don't dignify that with an answer.

Just like Silco doesn't even dignify your presence by looking up from his paperwork, the cool, short movements of his pen not ceasing in the moment of tense silence between you. "Perhaps I was just blind to it out of habit. Willfully ignorant in your lack of patience, wit and good-sense-"

"He had a hand on Jinx," You finally snapped. "A hand on our girl, and you expected me to, what? Whistle cheerily and twiddle my thumbs like she wasn't sitting there, clearly scared to hell?" "Of course not," His grip tightens on his pen but he still doesn't raise his gaze. "The man was going to die for it, but you don't bring an audience to a butchery; not unless you wish to send a message. The message you sent, and what's spreading through Zaun, was that we, by association with specifically you, are rash, unwilling to compromise and bold-"

"If we weren't bold, we wouldn't have made it this far." You retort. "If weren't bold, we wouldn't be sitting here right now, building our empire, and building our nation from nothing, Silco. Don't try and spit on my boldness; that's exactly what has gotten us here." Gesturing around the office, you hide the scowl as the movement pulls at a fresh stitch on your shoulder, but not the hiss.

Silco's hand pauses at the sound, a dark scowl on his face gathering like a storm. "You made us look like amateurs. You made us look reckless, weak. I can't have weakness, this mission can't afford weakness-" That was it. You stormed up onto your feet from where you'd been sitting on the couch, the action immediately making your snarl turn into a yelp as you doubled over, pain and nausea rippling though your body at the fast-action...

"Don't." You snarled as you glanced upward, meeting your partner's hard eyes and face, juxtaposed by how quickly he had raced around his desk and had held out an arm to you. "I'm going to be fine. Yeah, it hurts like a bitch, but I will bounce back from this... but do not mistake my injuries for a weakness, Silco. Or else I'd be looking at your scars in a different light."

The red eye seemed to burn through you, the teal one a mere slit. Coolly, he informed you that you were now benched until further notice, to remain at The Last Drop until he states otherwise. "Great," You retorted as you forced your aching body to straighten, turning and staggering to the door of the conjoined bedroom. "And I guess I shouldn't expect you to be at my side during that as well, right?"

If he responded, you didn't hear it over the sound of you slamming the door shut behind you, and locking it.

Weakness. Weakness, he dared to call what you did. After everything the two of you had been, had done together...

You weren't blind. You knew he spoke from a place of worry, and, though he'd never show it, fear. Fear of losing you, after everything you'd been and done for one another, but that didn't sooth your anger any further, and exasperated by your sore pains, kept you from opening the door that night.

If he knocked, or had tried to pick the lock to get in, you didn't hear any attempts to do so, even as you remained awake half the night, and tossing and turning for the other half. He was already settled back at his desk when you re-emerge in the morning, and though he only gave you a short reminder of your current stay-in-the-building orders, said very little else to you.

You responded in kind, and chose to ignore the equally dark bags under his human-eye as you removed yourself from the office.

"-even Sevika looked sick beating up those jerks!" Jinx babbled, plopping herself into your lap at the signature booth of the bar, as soon as you hobbled your way downstairs. You watched her in bemusement as she doodled the scene in question, even giving Sevika a proper, almost dignified look in her drawings. "Heh, it got so messy, you kicked ass."

"That's my job," You reminded her, reaching up to gentle tousle her blue locks and hide a yawn behind a smile. Getting Jinx hadn't been easy, and definitely had not been part of the plan. But you knew from the moment you saw those big, red-rimmed eyes in the pouring rain, a silly, sentimental part of you was firmly in her hands, and you knew you would never get that piece of your heart back.

Silco held a similar piece, but for entirely different reasons. Whereas the affection for Jinx was a instinctive, material bond of storge that you knew, now more than ever before, that you would kill to defend, your affection for Silco was an entity of its own. You knew his flaws, just as he knew yours. He knew your thoughts, your emotions and body, and though you knew Silco still attempted to mask his feelings, you knew the man just as much as you knew yourself.

A love of it's own unique, unyielding brand, is what you and him had. That's why his attitude about this whole situation pissed you off so much.

Jinx must've sensed it, because she frowned, and stopped swinging her legs as she tilted her chin back to look up at you. "Are you and Mr. Silco fightin'? He didn't come visit you once when you were with Mr. Burn-Face, and now you aren't talking with him at all."

"It's Singed," You corrected her, and gave a small smirk as you side-stepped the question. "And when we're talking again, I am absolutely telling Silco you still call him Mr, while I get to be 'mom'." You leaned down to boop your nose to hers, smirking. "Does that mean I'm your favorite?"

"Nuh-uh!" Jinx grumbled, freckled face flushing as she jerked her face back down to her paper. "Y'just... I dunno. You seemed like a mom at the time, that's why I said it." Humming thoughtfully, you peek up over the top of her head to look over her paper, softly asking, "Do you miss your mom, Jinx?"

Jinx halted her hand, staring at the blank stick-figure she'd been drawing beside what you assumed to be yourself, based on the coloring. "... I dunno." The little girl admitted, a small jerk of her head as she glanced off to the side, before quickly turning her gaze back to the paper as she dug her nails into her fist. "I-i... I don't remember mom. I don't know her... i-i'm supposed to, I-i know, I know I'm supposed to remember, but I don'-"

You could tell the girl wasn't technically speaking to you anymore, and smoothly, ignoring the wince at the action, slipped your arms around her to hold her together as she muttered and whimpered under her breath. "It's okay. It's okay, Jinx. You don't have to decide how to feel about it, okay?" Swallowing back a grunt as your stitches pull when you tighten your loose hold into a secure hug around the girl, you're rewarded from the pain by the warmth that fills your chest as she wiggles in your arms, to turn and tuck her head under your chin.

"Moms are a weird thing, y'know? And sometimes you don't know how to feel about them, but that's okay. If you want to feel something, that's fine. If you don't, that's fine too, okay?" A hesitance, before you decide to toe over the line, tilting your head down to press a kiss atop the blue locks. "You don't need to decide anything about 'moms.' Moms are happy to give their kids everything, they don't need much in return."

A small sniffle at your collar, before you feel a single jerk of a nod as you gently rub circles into her back.

Then, quietly, "Can... can I decide to keep calling you mom?"

You swallow, a lump in your throat suddenly. As you confirm, a bit hoarsely, that of course it was okay, you got the sensation of someone watching, and flicked your eyes up to the balcony above the two of you.

Silco turned quickly to slip back into the office. But, you knew him well enough, and the slight sag of his shoulders as you had met his eyes, was sign enough of his tired, but relieved and contented look at the sight of the two ladies in his life, safe in the few ways he could ensure it in this city of his.

That look didn't earn him access to his bedroom back, of course. Actions and expressions of affection were one thing, the petty need for an apology was another. That didn't make the second night you spent alone any easier, sleep still evading you like the plague, your hand absently brushing along the empty covers beside you.

You missed him.

Missed him in your bed, and though you had been unconcious part of the time, had missed him during your recovery from the fight.

Closing your eyes suddenly as a small shift sent a dull throb through the deepest of your cuts and lacerations, you felt a small whimper tug from deep within your throat at the pain. It passed, leaving your breathing a bit heavier, but not heavy enough to hide the subtle attempt of a quiet jiggling of the doorknob, a response and a desire to get to you after hearing such a sound. You squeeze your eyes shut a bit tighter at the quiet knock, but don't try to psyche yourself from the idea as you bite back another groan, and limp over to the door.

Silco has the courtesy to pocket the lock-pick just as you open the door a crack, just enough to catch his exhausted expression and couch-raggled head of hair. He stares at you for a moment, while you give him a tired, slow blink in response to his silence. "I... I couldn't see you. Not like that, not..." A pause, and Silco swallows a bit. "... not like how I found you. It was cowardice, but I couldn't sit there and stare at your battered, broken body like that."

You nod; it makes sense. Your partner shied from little, though you could imagine seeing you brought to the unconsciousness in such a pummeling would be enough to turn even Silco's stomach. "Still shitty. I would've wanted you there when I woke up."

"I know." A beat. "... it wasn't a instance of weakness, either. Or incompetence. It was strength. Strength that those who oppose us may not see, at first, but will soon grow to fear." A small flicker on those scarred lips. "I heard you were quite terrifying."

"The scariest. I made you look like a teddy-bear." You confirm, feeling a long-miss warmth in your chest at the tiny chuckle that passes through him. He places a palm on the door, letting a wall down in his teal eye as he looks at you tiredly, and with wanting as he mutters your name, "Let me in. Please." You let out a small sigh, and raise a brow, tiredness making your sarcasm a bit more longer-lasting, "Too good for the couch, are you?"

"No. I need to be beside you, I've already missed you enough. Please."

Not the sorry you were looking for, but you find yourself stepping back, and letting him back in. You'll have him properly expressing his regret soon enough, but for now, he takes no chances to allow you to change your mind. Stepping in to gently secure your face between his hands after he shuts the door behind him, Silco begins pressing a series of slow, gentle kisses on your lips as he guides you back to the bed.

You've seen this man blackmail, torture and murder countless times. It'd be laughable to anyone but you, to see none other than Silco, dreaded overlord of Zaun, be the one to gently, almost tenderly lay you to rest on the bed. Removing himself only momentarily to change out of his more restrictive day-clothes, leaving on his undershirt and pants. Too impaitent to strip off anything more, he's returning shortly after to lay himself down beside you.

You can't help a tired smirk as you hear a muted groan of relief as his body finally dips back into onto the soft bed you share. "Deserved it." You murmur, eyes cracked open to watch as he leans over to cup your cheek, pulling your face close so he could press his mouth to yours again. "I missed you."

"I missed you as well," He mutters smiling at the hum as he traces the curve of your cheekbone with his thumb. "That's why you're not leaving the building for the foreseeable future, I'm afraid. Need to catch up on my time with you, and more some."

"Hmm... might go stir-crazy. Might need to sneak out."

The tease earns you a familiar, deeper purr, a more pressing kiss to your lips as he snakes a hand down your body to your hip. "Hmm... might need to get some locks then. Might need rope or two, just in case." His trail of fingertips end immediately at your rough hiss as he passes a still-healing bruise. Taking a breath, you give him an apologetic smile with tired eyes, "Easy there, Sil. Plenty of time for that later... just, be with me now?"

Impossibly, his eye softens further, an expression saved only for you, and until extremely recently, Jinx. "Of course, darling." Again, frightening gentle for a man of his profession and standing in this underworld, he helps to move you over so he could curl an arm under you, tucking both beneath your chest as you recline your back to his.

Respecting your need for peace, at least for now, Silco's hands don't wander in the position you share with him. Though he takes full advantage of the back of your neck being exposed to his mouth, leaving brief, warm flickers of flesh along behind your ears, hairline and neck as you hum and sigh in quiet, peacefulness. You feel his proud nose nuzzle into the back of your skull as you drift off into sleep at last, in the arms of your partner, body finally content and warmed by his presence to get some proper rest.

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