#plagued by thoughts and emotions.

[coldvampire]

.

#plagued by thoughts and emotions. #man lmao I’ve bitched out So many times this week from reaching out to people. idk. it’s been so long that I just feel like I’m #not important enough to justify it. & I did manage a bit w one person but also ended up #retreating there too bc I just got the sense I made it awkward somehow #so yknow. really great stuff on my end hdjfk #idk idk I’m starved for meaningful social interaction I’m starved for literally anyone taking interest in me atp #it’s such a roller coaster I hype myself up > doesn’t work out > crash hard & I don’t like it. it’s exhausting! it’s really fucking sad too #I’m so tired of my own company & talking to myself all the time. I’ve heard everything I have to say already there’s only so much I can do #I don’t even know what else to say lmao I feel like I don’t really exist anymore outside of my own head #I feel like I can’t get anyone to just djjfjf care about anything I have to say no matter what? #I’m not enough my art isn’t enough whatever it was a few years ago isn’t there anymore. #and I want it to be genuine I don’t want it to be out of pity bc all that does is honestly get my hopes up a bit but it can’t/wont last #I say that for everyone’s benefit too like djjfjf I don’t want to be annoying any more than other people want to be annoyed #anyway I’m going to try to shake this off a bit bc I can’t do anything right now #and I’m not even sure I’d be in the right headspace to have a conversation without decompressing first

[justaboot]

Well since I know it broke you, what about something involving Della (OG design) inspired by Never Love an Anchor for an art request?

Do you ever think of me and my two hands, and wonder why they never soothed your fevers? And wonder why They never tied your shoes? And wonder why They never held you gently? And wonder why They never had the chance to lose you?

-Never Love an Anchor, The Crane Wives

(rude.)

#I am owed emotional damages by tumblr user korkorali #della duck #ducktales #ducktales 2017 #dt17 #literally forever plagued by the idea of della being forever plagued by ONE intrusive thought right before she left #and fearing that her one moment of fear of commitment was the real reason she took the spear #when in actuality it was one last joyrun #but that one speck of doubt will literally always be there #ugh

[minkschasijasi]

I can’t get enough of how Rise!Splinter inadvertently caused a major break between two of his son’s relationship, and more a more minor break between all 4.

Yet this is also simply because Leo wants the past to come back, but Raph wants to prepare for the future.

HELP MY SOUL

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt fandom #tmnt #rottmnt brainrot #rottmnt thoughts #these thoughts plague my soul every waking minute #rottmnt raph #rottmnt leo #rottmnt splinter #leadership problems #these two have so much conflict i rlly hope it got a little smoother near the end of the movie #i love these boys sm these guys have some very thick layers of emotions #save for mr. emotionally unavailable bad boy iykyk

[crescentfool]

with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.

i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.

heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."

knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.

it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.

i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!

i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!

#lizzy speaks #hello everyone. i know that there are *checks calendar* still 20 days left of december and 2023 #but i've had a lot of strong emotions and feelings i've had to sort through as i've been thinking about how 2023 went for me #so a lot of what i've written here comes from the perspective of someone in their early 20s #it's like... a crash and burn from when you were a teenager thinking that you know everything #and realizing how big the world is and how many responsibilities there are #all while a feeling of overwhelm looms over as you try to sift your way through the world and adjust your understanding of it #for me i've definitely had an underlying thought that 'you should have your shit together by now why aren't you there yet' #and it's! not motivating! at all! to think that way. and it's made me more than ever want to be a friend to myself. to extend a patient- #kind voice to myself that reminds me that others are also trying to navigate these feelings and to accept that i'm not going to have an- #instantaneous understanding of how one goes about adulthood. and neither will they. even if they look 'put together.' #like... these people have also undergone similar stresses and along the way figured out how to navigate through that space #and personally i've found peace in knowing that there are people who are older than me. trusting that they've dealt with these things too i #some shape or form and that them living... being here.. is proof that we shall be fine in the end and that we will move past what plagues- #our mind. there's definitely been some... anger i've had this year that. school didnt teach me these things or skills!! i was so mad lol #but hey if we are little guys who are living on planet earth for the first time we shouldn't condemn ourselves to an unrealistic standard- #of going through life and being able to instantly do everything 'correctly' and know how everything works #i'm still working on improving that patience... and also trying to put in the work to understand these things. #in the midst of a very tough week for me i was tempted to say that 'nothing happened this year it was not productive' #but then i was like. that's. objectively not true if you just look at other things. also theres worth in life outside of 'productivity' #...i think i passed 20 tags at this point. but like. my favorite thing about 2023 was meeting so many cool awesome people! #who would've known that funny lil squid game could bring so many connections and friendships i cherish! #thank you so much! for being a part of my life and changing me for the better! for giving me many fond memories! #and i'm very grateful to anyone who supported me and my art this year... for sticking around even though i wished i could do more #it means the world to me knowing that there's proof that i exist and have touched someone's life in a positive way! thank you! truly! #ANYWAY. happy early new year. i hope everyone can nourish a friend in their head that extends acceptance and patience to themselves #as we try and make sense of the world together. there will be things that we don't understand yet! but one day we will! and it'll be like #wow! look how far i came! i'm okay! i'm alive! yipee! thank you for reading this post i made to get my feelings out! have a nice day!

[youssefguedira]

today will be different, or at least i'll try

famous last words, my chemical romance / carry me home, the killers / the night, keuning / falyakon, mashrou' leila (translation) / rut, the killers / first vision, tyler glenn / but not tonight, depeche mode / high places, keuning

#neon has thoughts #might translate this into playlist form later but for now. have this it's been plaguing me #but uh. incomplete i'm sure there's more i could add so i am happy if anyone wants to add anything on. collaborative Hope playlist #top 10 music emotion ever. i love songs #neon talks music #falyakon is of course my favourite song of this genre. because it's falyakon. but i like the rest a lot too

[spoopy-moose]

I DID NOT realise that the plague rats in patho classic was THAT ferocious and unrelenting and that the hit box for the plague clouds were THAT big I’ve had to reload two saves so far

#daniil stepped into the plague district for the first time and got killed by a rat #no joke I was on stream with a friend and I had to modulate my emotions a little after that #I’ve played patho two I thought it could be easier without the constant infection thing #mmmmmm I thought wrong the infection system is way worse in classic #pathologic #pathologic classic hd

[malikselfindulgence]

Marek the type to let out a gut wrenching scream and tell you w the horrified defeated voice of someone who just went through hell and back that she missed the twinkies 50% sale by a day while Morshid will deliver the news of the passing of your mother with the deadest most neutral expression and tone of voice imaginable

#i love them. very much . i am plagued w morshid marek thoughts #if morshid is scowling around u that means he loves you . hes putting in the effort to facially emote around you #because he wants you to know how he feels easier #morshid refuses to acknowledge that he does this w wukong btw . Im putting in that effort to let him know how much i HATE him #<- lying . if he hated him he wouldnt spare him a glance #do i tag this hmm #i will #oc: marek lmk #oc: morshid lmk #malik's rambles

[arthur-r]

(wrote this song before i left for college but it’s sure applicable to life right now!!!!)

lyrics: falling from grace, i’m a rusting lace artifact / tears down my face as i break my immortal pact / trust me, i want to be healthy / trust me, i want to be special and loving and sweet / trust me, i know that i’m broken / please, i just want one more chance to prove that i could be the— / best friends know how to reveal me / best friends know how hard i try to have something to say / best friends know that it’s not helping / can i just go far away to where there’s nowhere else to— / turn around, up and down, i’m melting!!!! / turn around, i have something to say!!!! / color bleeding, heartbeat leaving, need a place to lay my head / arms are folded, fine print bolded, everything is overloaded!!!!!!!! / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue, i’m coming undone / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue, i’m coming undone / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue / trust me, i want to be healthy / trust me, i want to be special and loving and sweet / trust me, i know that i’m broken / trust me, i know that i’m broken….

#when i write a song and don’t know what it means and then i have a breakdown and suddenly know what it means #turns out i have been compartmentalizing since i was a VERY young child as if there are two parts of me completely separate #and one of them is this golden child perfect person always so ready to please #and the other one is a literal fucking monster. that’s how i’ve been thinking about myself since i was a little kid #and i sort of. i had a breakdown about that last week and then yesterday i was so upset about not being able to separate myself from illness #how i’ve always been treated and treated myself as if there’s a perfectly healthy person in there somewhere who is just plagued with demons #so i’m constantly reaching for this person that doesn’t exist and never has and never will #because i can’t accept myself as a whole being complete with good and bad parts of me #it’s also just autism/POTS venting shdhdhdf but i knew that much #it wasn’t until i thought about my childhood though that i realized i’ve always been autistic i’ve always had mobility issues (though less) #and that i have never let myself integrate those aspects of myself into my permanent identity. like i’m waiting for them to go away so i can #prove myself and show how good i can be at just being normal. so i don’t know. anyway here’s a song #P.S. i processed my emotions so good and i’m normal now. gonna get dinner with that guy today and have a normal person conversation #so don’t worry about me. i pretty much fell asleep after i posted and i’m doing a lot better now #anyway i’m not great at this instrument shdhdf and i’ve also been crying so like as a piece of music this isn’t great #but as an expression of a feeling and idea. these are the feelings and ideas i’ve been thinking about #of all the things to theoretically be overheard by a ton of neighbors though. living in a dorm is nerve-wracking!!!! #most people don’t hang around my dorm at this time of day though i’ll be alright. hope everyone is doing well #me. my post. mine. #ask to tag #music

[natsmagi]

HOLY SHIT NATSUME BEING A PHYSICAL EMBODIMENT OF A LUCKY CHARM FOR TSUMUGI

IM SAYING LIKE!!!!!!!! its been plaguing my mind for SO LONG and idk if people have talked about it before but. omg. its driving me crazy also some additional food for thought now that i have ur attention (that i hinted at in the tags of that post) is tsumugi being the bluebird of happiness for natsume specifically. specifically referencing natsumes "foreseeing eye" 5* card with a blue bird on his shoulder despite tsumugi having nothing to do with the story itself (which would be odd considering thats tsumugis whole thing), except the story that card is accompanied by (meikyoushisui) is about natsume forming genuine friendships with his classmates. natsume not having friends was always a worry of tsumugis, but since tsumugi joined his life natsume has exited his comfort zone a bit more (be-it because tsumugi thinks they should do more lives or him outright telling natsume he should try making friends more because he doesnt want him to be lonely) and doesnt spend all his time in their secret hideout.

theres more that could be said on this probably but i just........... really love seeing the positive effects theyve had on each others lives, directly or indirectly

#many thoughts. plaguing my brain #ask #natsume sakasaki #tsumugi aoba #natsumugi #also 'meikyoushisui' is a saying used to (to overly simplify it) explain a state of mind free from misjudgement or free from evil thoughts #so having that be the name of a story that captures alot of natsumes character development as we know he tends to be quite a petty guy #makes me emotional!!!!! #thank u tsumugi #nat rambles

[paarthursass]

speaking from a very emotional place because i only JUST finished the game (and sobbing uncontrollably through the entire last twenty minutes) and (spoilers and rambling under the cut)

yes, i knew hugo would die at the end.  that got spoiled for me very early on.  i was devastated when i found out, but i held out judgement because “maybe the way they execute it will work. maybe it’ll be a beautiful, but tragic ending.  maybe there will still be hope.”

but no.  instead they put this 5 year old through the ringer, had him grapple with self-loathing throughout the entire game which just had him uncontrollably destroy entire cities, had him continuously come to the conclusion that he was a monster who needed to die (a FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD)

and then the game ended going “yeah lol he needed to be put down like old yeller.  hugo was beyond saving.”

and for what and for what??? what was the point???? what was i supposed to get out of that ending??? because we SAW the beginning of the cycle with basilius and aelia.  we already got the tragedy with that; we learned what happens when the protector fails, when the carrier is isolated and hopeless.  hugo and amicia were the opportunity to BREAK that cycle, and would have been the perfect candidates to do so because we spent two games with them.  we spent two games caring about their bond. so for the game to pull this feels cheap and pointless. 

i know asobo have said they currently have no plans to make a third game (though the second epilogue certainly leaves me doubtful of that) but it’ll be damn hard to get me to care about the new carrier and protector at all in that game, if it does happen.  even if these hypothetical new characters do succeed where hugo and amicia failed, it will still feel cheap and unearned, because we spent two games with hugo and amicia.  they should have been the ones to succeed.  you cannot make me fall in love with these characters over the course of two games, have them fail in the most heart-wrenching way possible, and then try to make up for it by going “see?  these characters who we only spent half the time building up succeeded though!”

it won’t be earned.  all i will think is that it should have been hugo and amicia.  hugo should have been able to grow and study botany or birds and make friends and amicia should have been able to see him grow up, secure in knowing that she had protected him.

#sophie.txt #a plague tale #a plague tale: requiem #amicia de rune #hugo de rune #this is barely coherent probably bcs it's almost midnight and i am an emotional wreck #and i have Thoughts and Opinions on this #negativity tw

[damnprecious]

RULES: post the names of all the files in your  WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people  send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a  little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many  people as you have WIPS. I got tagged by little-escapist, thank ya!!

My WIP:s which may or may not have been untouched for who knows how long at this point:

A Week of Sorrow Together First Meetings Soulmates?

This time I'm not tagging anyone, but if you see this and you want to do the thing, consider yourself tagged!!

#tag things #noopa rambles #little-escapist #I will say that the first three stories feature my oc's and the last one is a fic #also this tag was a blessing in the sense that I went back to read some of my old stories #and I'm currently experiencing many emotions about my ocs #I forgot that I had written a couple of really fluffy things in there too #for the most part it's hurt and comfort bc that's my jam #but there's this one 'a couple of lesbians go on a cute date and the tree alien lesbian uses so many plant puns' #and I simply Cannot #also my god my writing needs some work #I am blessed/plagued with blorbo thoughts

[lumiiberry]

My life is falling apart

I live with my family still in a rotting biohazard of a house where everyone hates each other.

When I said “biohazard,” I meant biohazard. The whole place is covered in black mold, the ventilation is shit, and every time we try to fix something, we get yelled at by my grandparents (who own the house). They live upstairs in the three bedrooms, while the rest of us (7 total if we include the 2 pets) live in the basement where we freeze our asses off while deepthroating the mold up close. My grandfather even took my dad’s tools and equipment and saying he owns them.

It doesn’t help that my dad and grandpa are always fighting. I don’t know why, but my grandpa has always hated my father. He’s been kicked out multiple times, which meant he had to sleep in his car for periods at a time. Even after my grandfather’s recent heart attack. My dad was a paramedic back in the day, so he knew how to help him out. My dad ended up saving his life twice, and my grandpa still treats him like shit.

Recently, both of my parents disabled, as well. My dad is a veteran of Desert Storm and was a victim of chemicals from the burn pits. He has multiple fractures and slipped disks in his spine. The only reason he’s still walking is pure stubbornness. My mother had a stroke in early December of 2022. While she’s recovering from it well, she still has trouble speaking and typing. These factors essentially mean that both of them are not working, and yet they still have to be a pay pig for everyone else.

My uncle is a massive asshole. He constantly torments my mother and would rather go drinking than care for his feeble parents and his dog. The worst part is that he’s getting everything from my grandparents while my mother - his sister - is completely left out. It physically makes me sick to know that we’ll get nothing.

I tried to not talk about myself too much, but I will now. I’m queer, neurodivergent, enby, and terrified of the future right now. Not only am I forced to live with my abxser (won’t discuss here) but I have to subject myself to endless fights and emotional neglect. It’s gotten so bad that my appetite’s gone and I’m having those dark thoughts cloud my mind. The whole reason why I refuse to leave my room is so I can escape to a place where I’m loved. I’m severely touch starved and desperately need a way to both get my family out of this hellhole and get me away from everything else.

I’m fading and I need help.

But I don’t think it’s possible anymore.

#actually neurodivergent #nonbinary #femme enby #tw depressing thoughts #tw ed vent #tw eating issues #tw rant #rant #emotinal #emotional rant #send help #actuallymentallyill #tw abuse #tw ableism #tw alcohol #tw medical #tw cursing #black plague #tw suggestive #tw sui implied #tw csa implied #vent tag #personal vent #angry vent #angry rant

[cappurrccino]

something something stress, something something depression, something something

#i loooooooooooove laying awake for hours at night bc i have too goddamn many thoughts and emotions #and knowing that i have no way to Get Them Out bc i wasnt born into a family that communicates #and knowing that no one likes a pessimistic skeptic with doubts about things #and knowing that no matter what i do or dont do i'll probably just make life worse for myself #bc thats all ive ever managed to do #and knowing that despite my yearning for a companion i can Talk To and who can Help Me #that'll never happen bc of the aforementioned ''being raised in a family that doesnt communicate'' #and bc like. where and when and how am i ever even gonna meet someone under these conditions #i know it's the middle of the night and middle of the night brain is a bastard #but like. it hardly matters when these thoughts plague me 24/7 and arent. wrong. #when it rains it pours and baby i think im trapped in jupiter's permanent hurricane

[ferretsarefurryappendagedsnakes]

Do not give me a spare second to actually think about it , each one is agonizing.

#save me distractions save me #I’m being so FR literally don’t want to shower because I’ll have thoughts #even with music they will persist #must I be plagued by emotion‼️ #let me simply consume and by consumed by media in turn #ceaselessly #please #even sleeping is a risk for fear of dreams

[dathen]

The thing that really gets to my heart about how Laios’s autism is portrayed in his conflict with Toshiro is that his pain is centered and sympathized with.

How many dozens, hundreds of stories have we gotten about that obnoxious side character who just won’t take the hint and get lost, plaguing the main character who is never up front about their actual feelings but we’re supposed to relate to? How it’s played for humor half the time, a lighthearted burden on the main to make them roll their eyes before the Big Challenges of their story, with no thought to the pain and loss of the side character investing so much emotion into caring for someone who finds them a nuisance?

I think it’s even more poignant that Ryoko Kui is writing from a Japanese perspective that puts Toshido’s approach even more in the default, culturally enforced norm, but still asks “what about the feelings of the person who doesn’t have that all-important knack for ‘reading the room’ and picking up on all those invisible messages never said aloud?” and encourages us to care

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dunmeshi

[unsettlingcreature]

OK yeah I can see why I was medicated and why I really gotta get back on them

#me: idk i dont feel much different other than actually feeling my emotions again #also me: increasingly suicidal and plagued by thoughts #like oops! guess theyre out of my system! welp! #im gonna get them monday #gives me the weekend to get my shit together and shower