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#I say that for everyone’s benefit too like djjfjf I don’t want to be annoying any more than other people want to be annoyed
coldvampire
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5 months
Text
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#plagued by thoughts and emotions.
#man lmao I’ve bitched out So many times this week from reaching out to people. idk. it’s been so long that I just feel like I’m
#not important enough to justify it. & I did manage a bit w one person but also ended up
#retreating there too bc I just got the sense I made it awkward somehow
#so yknow. really great stuff on my end hdjfk
#idk idk I’m starved for meaningful social interaction I’m starved for literally anyone taking interest in me atp
#it’s such a roller coaster I hype myself up > doesn’t work out > crash hard & I don’t like it. it’s exhausting! it’s really fucking sad too
#I’m so tired of my own company & talking to myself all the time. I’ve heard everything I have to say already there’s only so much I can do
#I don’t even know what else to say lmao I feel like I don’t really exist anymore outside of my own head
#I feel like I can’t get anyone to just djjfjf care about anything I have to say no matter what?
#I’m not enough my art isn’t enough whatever it was a few years ago isn’t there anymore.
#and I want it to be genuine I don’t want it to be out of pity bc all that does is honestly get my hopes up a bit but it can’t/wont last
#I say that for everyone’s benefit too like djjfjf I don’t want to be annoying any more than other people want to be annoyed
#anyway I’m going to try to shake this off a bit bc I can’t do anything right now
#and I’m not even sure I’d be in the right headspace to have a conversation without decompressing first
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