I am not okay. I cannot stop thinking about Setsuna, I’ve been having her on my mind since Saturday. Since then I’ve been feeling gloomy, and emotional. Did not expected Setsuna’s death would have so much impact on me and I am on the state to cry again. Not sure if I am not alone in this. It’s crazy how this is keeping me from doing things I enjoy like drawing, play video games, etc. Nowadays we anime fans get attachment to anime characters we love and mean a lot to us and seeing them dying it hurts. I love Yashahime, I love all 3 Princesses they mean so much to me and Yashahime has helped me get through these rough times. I am sad it ended but I am also happy we are getting a 2nd season. Usually at night it gets to me, I would feel like crying, and I try my best not to. I know I shouldn’t let this get to me and I do question myself that. Setsuna was such an incredible character I love Setsuna and the way she was created and how much attention she got. It hurts how the way she ended in the last episode, every time I see this photo of Setsuna on social media it makes me want to cry but she looks so beautiful smiling. It also hurts me for Towa cause she and Setsuna have been separated for 10 years and after those 10 years she was finally reunited with her twin sister. I know, we will see Setsuna again and alive in the 2nd season and Sunrise wouldn’t kill her off cause she’s also the main character. I would also cry for Towa and Moroha if it happened to them. I also feel this way because I have 2 sisters I can’t imagine how Towa must be feeling losing Setsuna. I read an article about for season 2 will probably start broadcasting almost by the end of this year. Probably till October like how season 1 started. I have faith in Towa will revived Setsuna.
Episode 24 messed me up but don’t get me wrong it was such a great episode. The fight between Towa and Moroha against Kirinmaru was epic. I honestly don’t know how I feel about Kirinmaru xD after what he did to Setsuna. Just to see Towa’s true power but I just wished he didn’t killed Setsuna. The ending was beautiful and sad at the same time. Sesshomaru giving Towa the Tenseiga and called her by her name. I know it’s only few months we have to wait for season 2 but what sucks and hurts that I have to mourn of Setsuna’s death for awhile. I honestly don’t want to feel this way, gloomy and emotional every day and night. Went hiking with my sisters I thought it would help...it didn’t. I know I will see Setsuna again. I’m looking forward for season 2. Just need to have patience and work on myself.
I’m such a mess right now, I cried while writing this.
The Ballad of Reddrop (aka my The Ballad of Reddrop parts)
In this MV Snowdrop (aka Reddrop’s son) finds out the doctor (the stick with the white clothing) had found a cure. He went to tell his dad, but sadly, Reddrop died before he (Snowdrop) can tell him (Reddrop). Now he (Reddrop) is in the afterlife with his loved ones and the kids of his wife (aka Leafy)’s old family.
In case you didn’t know, he died from flesh cancer, which was why he was throwing up bile and blood at the same time.
Sorry that my animation and the audio sucks.
BTW this is a map part of my map “The Ballad of Reddrop”, in which focuses on Reddrop and his life.
P.S this is an au of the Fireafy au where Leafy falls in love with Reddrop after Hope died, in that case of how Snowdrop, Honeydrop, Miyla and Fang were born.
My response: sending them pictures of my friends and giving brief discriptions on how great they are for each individual
My mom then told me later on “I didn’t mean it”
-my dad telling me I am phycotic
My response: screaming, yelling cursing and terrified hisarical crying
-I recently when to the salon and got a expensive dye job and had beautiful pastel pink hair and my mom insisted I change it back to blonde to attend a wedding
My response: I left my hair pink because I feel beautiful with it. I was a bridesmaid in the wedding and pretty much the whole bridal party complimented my hair
My mom after the wedding: “you’re pink hair was a big hit, everyone loved it”
-I accidentally got pregnant by my abusive ex boyfriend and was thoughtfully thinking about all the options I had.
My mom: “no adoption is not an option, you either get an abortion or you are kicked out of this house”
Me confronting her 2 years later about giving me such an ultimatum. Her response was: “that never happened, I never said that and if I did I don’t remember that.”
-my parents got angry at me for spending a few days at a hotel with my boyfriend (I’m 23 and have a full-time job) and I stopped by my house to get some things, I also forgot my house key. My mom let me in kindly because I woke her from her sleep. I grabbed the stuff I needed and told her my plans so she won’t worry about me. She freaked out! Asked me “where are you getting the money” my dad chimed in “are you even saving for your future?” I was histariccally crying and at the same time I pulled out my phone to show them the discount rates I get from T-Mobile. They were still angry. When I told my dad “I’m confused, I didn’t feel I did anything wrong I don’t understand how this is effecting you, but I’m all ears to hear any concern you have.” All he said was “get out of my house” (I screamed, cursed and cried throughout this 10-15 argument)
I have extreme anxiety when I speak to them about some topics.
I find it very difficult to choose a career path for myself and I’m constantly told I am lazy.
A patron at my job stopped me one day and said “I’m friends with your mom, she always talks about what a hard worker you are” I was shocked and said the the patron “really?”
Sometimes when it comes to handling things in adult life my parents give me thoughtful suggestions, I tend to rudely brush them off because I feel like I have the ability to fix my own mistakes and make things right. However I get the sense the think I’m “incapable of doing such things” because they get upset when I want to handle something alone.
They very kindly pay for my shelter, groceries and they even bought me a car, and an awesome dog. They cherish holiday tradishans with me and create the best loving home environment for me, these things are held against me SOMETIMES in arguments to justify whatever emotional abuse they inflicted on me.
moms will see you curled up crying on the floor because they keep talking shit about something your already beating yourself up for even though its not a big deal and be like “she’s fine its just hormones :)”
When I was 17, I thought I had my life together. I was in a relationship with a guy I thought I loved.
That was the most emotionally draining, mentally abusive relationship of my life.
To this day, there are still things that shake to me to my core and trigger my fight or flight response. Things that are small, but yank my soul right back to the belittling things I went though.
To this day, there are things I’m not over. Things I have yet to even bring to the public eye.
He never layed his hands on me. But regardless of that, he layed his cruel diminishing words upon me. His outbursts of anger on me.
“If you loved me, you’d do it”
“You did it for your ex. Everyone said you did, why won’t you do it for me”
“Your nothing but a whore”
I was on again, off again with him for 11 months. I had grown up being told to always look for the good in people. And to give second chances. I guess that’s why I felt obligated in a sense to continue going back.
If I knew then, what I know now. I wouldn’t have wasted what was supposed to be the best years of my life feeling obligated to those around me, and I wouldn’t have let someone so evil have control of me.
Regardless, I am a survivor. Even though my story, has not yet fully been told.
I love the way I enjoying my loneliness. it was hard to accept at first, but it’s better than have bad company. I love every second of it. I trust my guts that I will do good. don’t need nobody but myself.
My lack of emotional connections has lead me to this place where I don’t have anywhere else to turn to. I, like many people, am stuck in my own head and have no outlet.
I have been at a crossroads for some times now with what I should do. This is true for many aspects of my life, not just a singular person or thing. Currently, this country is in a pandemic and among everything else, it has caused or exacerbated many issues.
I was scheduled for surgery before everything was shut down. I finally got the call today that I am finally rescheduled for June 8th. My surgery is deemed elective because it’s not a life or death situation, but it is a quality of life issue and it does actually impede on my health. Since last February, I developed an unknown issue that causes me to gag at any time, multiple times a day, which then turns into me vomiting at any time, multiple times a day. I struggled to find doctors willing to see me and not do repeat labs that I had already been put through. Finally, in December I met with a doctor who although still can’t figure out what my problem is, but deemed this surgery to be a hopeful solution.
My grandmother’s health has been declining. She turned 86 this past October. She’s been legally blind for over 30 years due to her retinal tunnel dystrophy. She has a very severe heart murmur, and has had 2 stints put in over the last 10 or so years. She’s had several accidents where she has severely hurt herself, most likely due to the fact she refused to leave her home or her independence. In December, she fell. She fell and broke her back, all alone in her home at an unknown time. My mother panicked when she couldn’t reach her over and over and over and finally drove out to her, and found her on the floor.. hurt.. unable to move. She was brought to the hospital where the diagnosed her broken back. She stayed there for about 2 weeks, during this time her barely existent dementia rapidly took over. They eventually released her and she went back to my mother’s to be watched after and cared for. That lasted about a week. She was rushed to the hospital because one day, she started to scream out in pain. They diagnosed her with a perforated ulcer and she underwent emergency surgery. She was in the hospital that time for over a month. Her dementia continuously got worse. She was released around the end of February. My mother brought her back to her house again. My mother, mind you, works full time and did not have the capacity to care for her alone. Unknowing to me at the time, my sister ‘stepped’ up to take care of her in my mother’s house, but was actually being paid to do so. My sister is a 40 something unemployed unsuccessful stagnant person. She’s always been unreliable and unable to take responsibility for herself or her own actions. My sister the whole time she assisted in caring for my grandmother was being paid to do so because she wouldn’t do it for free. While she was being paid, all she did was complain and publicly post all of the things my grandmother was going through on her personal social media to gain pity for her (not my grandmother). Eventually, my sister said she had had enough and refused to continue to help my mother. So now, my mother has to retire early and take care of her full time all alone with no help. Because I also work full time and live 30 minutes away. But even when I offer to help, my mother tells me no and denies me the option. She’s been in my mother’s house on/off since January. She forgets who her own daughter is, the woman she’s known for 60 years, the woman who sits with her 24/7, the woman who cares for her. She doesn’t even remember her most of the time. It’s unbelievably heart breaking. And all I want to do is to be able to help more, give more, do more, but my time is so incredibly limited and every time I try, my mother turns me away saying it’s not my responsibility.
I am engaged. We’ve known each other roughly for 13 years or some. We’ve been together for almost 3 and engaged for almost 2. Our wedding date was set for this October, but that’s likely not going to happen due to the pandemic and that’s honestly for the best. We’ve had our issues, well, I’ve had my issues. I would say we, but he ignores them or puts them off, or pretends he’s unaware. Over this time, we’ve had very few issues, but roughly 6 months into our relationship for whatever reason, he lost his drive or libido or something. Since that point, we have sex possibly once every 3 months. This only happens because I end up having a complete mental breakdown saying I can’t do this anymore and he says he’ll change and he feels awful, so he fucks me then. But nothing ever changes and at this point, I am foolish to think it ever would. I used to believe that he was just tired or busy or had too much going on. But times like now, where he has no stress or a busy schedule. Nothings changed. My voice is so tired from having this conversation so many times. I don’t think I can honestly keep having it. I’ve been in manipulative and/or abusive relationships in the past. Sometimes it’s hard to decipher if things I’m dealing with are such or if I’m just reacting due to my previous traumas. We both have our own things we nitpick or pet peeves. I can’t stand that he cuts his nails on the furniture or over the carpets. He can’t stand that I don’t clean the bathroom (but he never does it either). But, when he complains about something, I’m not allowed to react or say anything back. But if I bother to complain or muster up to finally let it out, he gets very defensive. Our little fights and issues, are things I would get mad about, but would be able to brush off and get over. But our sex life being non-existent? is a deal breaker. I’ve been vocal about it for almost 2 and a half years now. I am not someone who can handle not having sex ever again, or even ever 3 months after I essentially bed for it. I need to have sex. I need to feel wanted. I need to feel craved. I get why he might not always want to, his brain essentially only things he actively tries to think about. Sex just never is one of those things. But why should I have to sacrifice and suffer because he refuses to put any effort in? I essentially am engaged to a roommate that I casually kiss. And I just can’t do that.
I am employed by a company ran by morons. We are a small-ish company, as in we are a subsidiary of a bigger company. We are the U.S. operation and there are operations globally. I started a little over a year ago and things seemed promising. Until I got to know my boss. She’s a harassment lawsuit waiting to happen. No one ever taught her to not discuss religion, politics, abortion, sex, or anything else at work - let alone to her employees. She also happens to be very under-qualified for her position and is constantly making mistakes and pushing the blame onto other people. But she’s not the only person who has no clue what they’re doing. Our general manager of the U.S. operation has no concept of how to run a business or how to be professional. Our HR ‘manager’ (she is the only person in HR, not sure how that makes her a manager) also is under-qualified and has never worked a day in HR prior to this job. With a company mostly made of people who are under-qualified, unprofessional, unethically and also inappropriate there’s even more issues that cause me to smash my head into a wall. They also seem to lack common sense? My manager for example, will be sick for months. Coughing, sneezing, the works. She’ll never work from home, she’ll never go to the doctors. But she also will never wash her hands, cover her mouth when she coughs or sneezes, and will invade your personal space while doing so because she also happens to be the most unproductive person in the building. Her being ill months on end will cause others to get sick. Like most reasonable people, they stay home to get better and avoid getting sicker or getting others sick. Because of her alone, I spent 3 weeks out sick this year (2020) and mind you, I’ve been working from home since Mid-March, so that’s 3 weeks between January 1st - March 15th. That’s absolutely unbelievable. Oh, to add to the beginning. I also have a very weak immune system, I have still not figured out why or if there’s anything that can be done. Because everything I try, doesn’t seem to help. So, I’ve been overwhelmed by idiots at work on top of everything else. But that’s just what has always been going on since I’ve been there. Let’s add on what’s happened since the state put a stay at home order in effect. My company was slow to let anyone work from home, and when they finally did.. they didn’t let everyone work from home. (Even though NY state specifically stated that all non-essential staff who can work from home should be working from home.) Then 2 weeks ago my manager tells me and two other colleagues that we will be forced to return back to work effective this coming Monday. Which I then freaked out about because I have several risk factors that make me more prone to this virus, but I’m at risk for getting sick in general. I have a surgery coming up and since my sister decided to give my mom the cold shoulder, I’ve been the person bringing my mom her groceries and relieving her for as much time as I can. So, I immediately reached out to the entire senior staff and general manager with my concerns. (Although I never included it, they also can’t legally force us back). For two weeks, I had no response. Today, I received a group text telling us we can continue to work from home.
My problems seem so trivial sometimes, but with everything all at once and the fact the only time I leave my house is to go see my mom. All I have is time to soak in my thoughts. I lack any friendships that I’d even be able to really even talk to or confide in about any of this. The few I have, they try, but they just can’t or don’t.
I doubt this is a permanent solution, but I think I need to write out my thoughts. Talking to myself hasn’t helped me any. Hopefully typing it out will allow me to think clearer.
this has to be possibly the MOST powerful moment from Doctor Who that even made me shed a tear and cry a bit as i could relate to those lines IV LOST THINGS YOU’LL NEVER UNDERSTAND AND IV BEEN THROUGH THINGS YOU COULDN'T BELIEVE!