#people with an addiction to giving head deserve the world and so much more

[bigothteddies]

I love blowjobs I love bulge worship I love road head I love people who pay attention to the balls I love deepthroating I love swallowing I love people who lick cum off their fingers I love how drooly mouths are after giving head I love facefucking I love slow and lazy head I love anyone who loves me enough to put their mouth on my cock

#teddy posts #sorry not sorry head is a form of intimacy #love it more than life itself #people with an addiction to giving head deserve the world and so much more #genderless post #1k

[11cupid-tarot11]

A letter from your future self.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

1 -> 3

DM me for private readings

$5.55 per question!

C@sh app and PayPal payments only!

Tips appreciated

Cash tag- $minnieplant3

Love y'all!

- Cupid 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪.

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

Pile 1- The star, Two of wands, The devil.

"I think it's time you and I have a talk, I know you know who I'm talking to, yeah I'm talking to myself, but it's not just you and me here, what about little us? Past us? The most important form of ourselves? You haven't been listening to all of us, why? Why do you ignore the child in you who screams to be listened to, to be understood, who just wants to heal like the rest of you. I promise you it's not silly at all to be in tuned with your inner child, I promise you no one's going to hurt you or make you want to hide away again, they can't control your emotions. They only want you to feel so powerless against them, like you're helplessly chained to them, but you have the power to break the chain and run free again, wild. You deserve to follow your dreams, do whatever you want, whatever it is that's been bugging you like a fly in your ear, a project that's always on the back of your mind, the one that just wouldn't go away since you were a child, you can do it, I know you can because I'm already here as proof, but I can't spoil too much. Be creative, shine brightly and never let anyone dim that light. I love you with all my might! ;)

- Me"

Don't forget the poll below!

⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

Pile 2- The devil in reverse, Three of wands, Justice.

"Hi buttercup! I hope all is well these days, I've been thinking about you so much these days, well let me explain, I've been thinking about how hard we've worked, how far we've come and what we had to do to be here. I know, it's a lot. I'll often look back a lot and think about how unfair things were, how many people were never on your side, how many battles you've had to win on your own and how many you've had to lose. I'll never forget the day we decided we had had enough of our problems, our addictions, the toxicity and just did something about it, we cut that toxic person off, quit that stupid job or finally changed that damn schedule of yours and did something better for your health. Whatever it was we did it <3 and it paid off so much, I'm so happy we did because it led us to better days, so much abundance, everything we've always deserved. We got the justice we've always been searching for in such a cruel world and I'm so proud of us for doing that baby girl! We never gave up, no matter how much we wanted to, how much we wanted to go back to that same place because it was comfortable and we just got so blind sided we never knew we could do so much more if we just put our mind to it! Go us! Go me! Go you!

Love- The version of yourself you were always meant to be 🩷"

Don't forget the poll below! Love you!

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖.

Pile 3- Six of coins, Ace of wands in reverse, Two of coins in reverse.

"Psst! Remember that project you weren't so sure about? You know the one, well I have a message for you! If you get started with it now I bet you a million bucks you could never guess where you'll be ten years from now. You remember that big house you've always wanted? All of the wealth you've always wanted to share and give back to others? We finally can! We did it! It was always important to give back to the ones we love, to be able to support and live comfortably and we finally did it. Just try not to get too big headed, okay? Remember who you are, where you come from and why you started this in the first place. Don't forget about your loved ones, the ones who supported you through thick and thin. I know your schedule might be busier, just don't forget to find that balance. We're at a very important time in our lives right now, I understand this, but remember to take a break from that damn schedule of yours. Take time for us, okay? I want you to call off as soon as you see a single sign of distress and go to the spa, I promise you're going to need it! ;) "

-Big boss lady (this pile was channeling feminine energy, someone who's in charge of their own business and gives orders to others. Very important business woman vibes here.)

Don't forget to do the poll at the bottom! Love you!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

#18+ tarot #pac love reading #pac tarot #pick a card #spirituality #tarot cards #tarot #tarot reading #tarot love reading #tarot messages

[sunraies]

OH I LOVE YOUR WORKS SM I REALLY READ THEM EVERY DAY ITS A ROUTINE TO ME

my request is kook!reader who gets along with Camerons very well. tutores to Wheez, gives her old study notes to Sarah, chit chats with Rose etc. and Rafe is adoring her. but they have some problems lately like Rafe's friends behaviours or Rafe's addiction or something about her idk really. and all these little problems becomes a big one and they finally have a fight. BIG. at Camerons. Wheez worrying, Rose is confused and Sarah is like 'finally, Rafe dont deserve you.' idk end however you want.

actually to me FULL ANGST. but however you want to end it honey. whether fluff or angst i am sure id love it. love you.

Oh my god! You are gotta make me cry 😭😭😭🥰. I love you too x

I hope this does your request justice. I tried to make it angst filled, but I'm such a fluff girl!

Goodbye

Rafe Cameron x Kook!Reader

Warnings - Angst. Some fluff. Drug, alcohol and addict behaviour.

Your lifelong friendship with Rafe started to break slowly, but when he learns that you are leaving, it hits breaking point.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

You spent as much time at the Cameron's as you did your own home, if not more. Your family lived next door, having moved there when you were young. Being neighbours meant growing up closely together and having Rafe Cameron as a best friend was a rollercoaster.

From the moment you first met Rafe, he adored you. The little blue-eyed boy with a wicked smile didn't know what hit him, literally. One minute, he was pulling your hair, and the next, you were punching him in the stomach. When questioned what happened, neither ratted the other out. It was you and Rafe against the world.

As you grew, you were always there for each other. He was there for you when Hank Harrison broke your heart and you were there for him when his mother left, leaving behind a broken Rafe, a small Sarah and baby Wheezie.

Your lives were tangled and waver together so tightly that you never thought it would break.

It started to fray after senior year. With the pressure of the future, you noticed a change in Rafe.

He had always loved partying hard, the girls and the booze, but no matter how far he took it, it never affected his daily life or how he treated you. You were his VIP guest to every party. It wasn't until he met Barry and a friend in the form of white powder that you had your first small fight.

You had been dancing with Sarah most of the night, having a good time until you became tired. You found Rafe surrounded by people, some you knew like Topper and Kelce but others you didn't. He was trying to convince Topper to take his first bump.

"Rafe," you called over the pounding music. He frowned before giving you a lopsided smile and pulling you into his lap, earning a few glares from the girls sitting around him.

"There's my girl." He grinned and wrapped you in his arms. "I missed you,"

With you, he didn't care if people saw him soft. You were his sweet other half. You brought out the softer side in him. He never admitted it to you, but he was sure he had loved you since the age of 5.

"I have been here all night," you said softly, seeing his pupils blown so wide, broke your heart a little. "I was coming to say goodbye,"

"Goodbye?" He frowned as you ran your hand through his hair, making him sigh. "The party's just started,"

"It's 3am."

"Stay, have some of the good stuff." He offered you a sip of his beer before grabbing a rolled up bill for you.

"Rafe, I don't want that,"

He groaned and loosened his grip on you, rolling his eyes and throwing his head back "Don't be so fucking boring"

"Good night, Rafe," you whispered, moving out of his lap and heading for the door. You heard him calling after you, but you didn't go back.

▪︎•▪︎•▪︎

The next slightly bigger argument you had was when you and Wheezie found him, drunk and high in the kitchen. You had been over to help Wheeze with her French homework. Being completely flunt, you were the best person to help.

You had gone to the kitchen for snacks, finding Rafe stumbling, slamming cabinet doors as he muttered away to himself. Something about hidden money, that his dad must have a stash hidden in the kitchen.

Ward had stashes in every room of the house, and you were sure of it but never thought of looking into the theory.

"Rafe?" Wheezie asked softly. He span around to her and sighed.

"Have you seen any of the money, dad hides?" He asked but Wheeze shook her head "Fuck"

"Why do you need it?"

"Cause, I fucked up Wheeze" He groaned "I fucked up big time!" He took a swig of the open whiskey bottle from the counter top before offering her some.

"Did you really just offer me, booze?" Wheezie frowned. "I'm 13"

"Shit, god. I'm sorry, Wheeze." He covered his eyes with his hands and groaned again. "I'm so fucked, but I'm gonna fix it"

"Go upstairs, Wheeze. I'll be up in a minute. " You fixed one of her braids, and you watched as she hurried up the stairs before turning back to Rafe.

"What you do this time?" You asked, arms folded as he looked over at you. It was like he had just noticed you were there.

"Why does it have to be something I did?" He asked, frowning as he took a drink again

"Is it Barry again?"

He laughed "No it's not fucking Barry. Just get off my case"

"Rafe, you just told your 13 year old sister, that you need money and offered her whiskey" You pointed out "Now tell me what the fuck the problem is"

He looked you up and down. "My sister. Exactly. It's a family problem. Don't worry yourself over something that isn't your business"

You tried not to take it to heart. He was hiding the fact that he was in trouble by cutting you out. It wasn't the first time he'd been in debt to Barry, but it was the first time he didn't admit it to you.

"Rafe" Wheezie whispered from the door way. She had a small bundle of dollar bills in her hand "Will this help? It's all I've got for now"

She received a small allowance from Ward, something all the Cameron kids had. Being the youngest, she didn't get as much, but she saved it all, claiming she wanted to buy her own first car.

"Shit," Rafe muttered as he suddenly broke down in front of you both.

You hurried over to him and cradled his head to your chest as he sobbed. Poor Wheezie stood helpless as she watched her big brother crumble in your arms.

Later, you found out that all the money Rafe paid Barry back had been stolen by Sarah. You hoped that day would be a wake-up call to make him stop, but it only got worse.

▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎

You hadn't seen Rafe for a few weeks when you sat in the Cameron's kitchen, munching grapes as you sat on the kitchen island, speaking to Rose as she made a pot of coffee.

"I'm so proud of you." She smiled. "I can't believe our girl is going to Paris!"

You smiled back. You had come round to pick up Sarah for a shopping spree and told Rose the news that you had been accepted to a collage in Paris.

"I can't believe it either." You popped a grape in your mouth. "I honestly didn't think I would get in."

"Of course you would. I mean, look at you. They would have been stupid, not too. "

"Not to, what?" Rafe stumbled into the kitchen, his hair messy from sleep as he wore only sweatpants, he smelt strongly of the night before and had a light sweat on his brow, clearing in the middle of a come down.

"Not accept her to their collage." Rose smiled as the kettle boiled.

Rafe nodded and grunted as he grabbed a cup before he paused. "Collage? What fucking collage?"

You had told him a million times that your dream was to go to Paris. Collage was the perfect way to have the chance to live there.

"Paris," Rose answered, slightly oblivious to the tension building in the room. You flinched as Rafe dropped his cup down, harder than needed on the side.

"Paris?"

"Yes, Rafe. Paris, " You muttered. It was meant to be the most exciting news to share with him, but with the way things had been, you hadn't got the chance.

He stared at you as you stared back. He was waiting for the punch line. It had to be a joke. You were leaving him.

"Rose? Have you seen my white Converse?" Wheezie asked as she entered the kitchen before looking between you and Rafe.

"No, honey. Maybe in the sunroom?" Rose suggested before going to look with her.

"Fucking Paris?" Rafe frowned

"Yes, Rafe fucking Paris" You said back, in a even tone.

"So you were just going to up and leave me?"

"No, I told you about this before. Not that I'd been accepted, but I've been wanting to go all year"

Soon, you were yelling at each other so loudly everyone in the house could hear.

"Just fuck off to Paris, then!" He yelled "I don't fucking need you anymore! Always dragging me down!"

"Oh, I'm planning too!" You snapped back. "Sorry to have been such a downer. I'll be gone in no time!"

"Good! I'll be fucking free!"

"So free! Have fun fucking the girl you have up stairs!"

"Wow. Jealous?!"

"Nothing to be jealous of," you said calmly. You never insulted him back before. Normally ending the arguments quickly but this time you were done "Just a drunk, drugged up dickhead"

He stared at you, "Fuck off" He muttered

"That's the plan." You didn't want to leave him behind, but you needed to go after your own future.

"Ready to go?" Sarah asked, looking between you. The looks you were throwing it each were deadly.

"Yeah. I'm done here." You pushed yourself off the island and left Rafe to watch you go, smashing the cup against the countertop after you left.

▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎•▪︎

You checked your passport, ticket, and flight number three times as you stood with your family and the Camerons, minus Rafe. Everyone hugged you goodbye. You subconsciously glanced around as you had the heavy feeling of something missing.

"You don't need him here," Sarah said softly as she pulled back from a long hug. "I'm sorry, I know you want him here. But you don't need him."

You nodded, knowing she was right. You didn't need the Rafe you'd seen recently, but part of you wished you had your Rafe there.

The one who gave your first kiss when you were worried you would never get one. The one who snuck into your room with your favourite ice cream after punching Hank Harrison and spent hours holding you. The one who checked in on you at parties. The one who took you to prom, claiming he was the only date worthy of you. You knew he'd threatened anyone who tried asking you, but at the time, you didn't care. You had your Rafe.

After a long goodbye and a final call for your flight, you made your way to the gate when you heard him calling your name over the sound of the music in your earphones.

You frowned, turning around slowly as Rafe Cameron ran towards you. He was completely out of breath when he made it to you, but he looked different.

His eyes were clearer, those gorgeous ocean blue again. He smelt of his cologne and not of the night before.

"Don't you dare tell me not to go." As a part of you was happy to see him, another was worried.

He shook his head and gently grabbed your arms. "No, no. I would never"

You raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm going to miss my flight."

"I'll make it quick. I promise." He moved his hands to your cheeks when you didn't move away from his touch.

"What is it?"

"I couldn't let you go without saying goodbye," He whispered before slowly moving closer to you. "I'm so sorry, baby."

You sighed softly and nodded. Your heart rapidly beating in your chest.

"I have to go," you whispered, but you made no move to leave as they announced your flight again.

"I know, I know." He breathed as his lips made contact with yours.

You whimpered against him, unable to control it before deepening the kiss. The airline announcing they were on last check-in broke you apart.

"I love you," He whispered against your lips

"I know, I know." You breathed, pulled back. "I love you too."

"Go on, baby." He smiled, nodding towards your gate as the last few people walked through the doors.

You gave him a quick kiss again before hurrying away. Leaving him to watch you go with a smile on his face.

Just as you were setting your phone to airplane mode, you received a message:

'I'm getting clean. I mean it this time. I love you, I'm sorry I didn't say it before. I promise you, baby. I'll see you in week' Rafe sent a picture of a plane ticket he just purchased.

#rafe cameron #outer banks rafe #rafe cameron fluff #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x reader #outerbanks #outerbanks fic #rafe x reader #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron angst #rafe request

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Mini Series

ENHYPEN as Taylor Swift Songs

STYLE

synopsis: sim jaeyun is your style, your type of guy. mainly the reason why despite the complicated relationship with him, you seem to always find it hard to make him leave and finding yourself with the same ending.

pairings: jake sim x reader

word count: 9k.

warnings: a pinch of angst, suggestive (a little). jake being clingy and touchy. hint of cheating. grammatical errors. let me know if i missed some.

fic moodboard › here

note: i'm actually surprised that this fic is not as long as i expected it to be, but anyway i had fun writing it so i hope you enjoy reading. style is one of my favorite queen taylor's songs so i really did think alot about the plot for this and of course the jake sim fits it so well. i love him so much. please re-blog and send me asks. i would really appreciate your kind feedbacks. thank you and ily. stay safe.

“Lee Y/n made it to headlines after the announcement of her partaking in this new big series coming up this fall. She will be the main female lead for this upcoming drama and people are on fire. They are so happy about the casting and couldn’t wait for it to be aired. Wah,” your friend exclaimed with exaggerated look on her face while she reads an article through her phone.

Shaking your head lightly with a grin on your face, you gently moving your wine glass you are holding. The sweet aroma of the liqour made it into your nose causing for you to feel more relaxed. It was addictive and somehow nostalgic.

“You really did it this comeback.” she couldn’t hide the excitement through her voice as she giggles and continued scrolling on her phone.

“Well, my management did a great job on choosing this project.” the humble comment made her scoffed before playfully throwing chips at your direction.

“Oh come on Ms. Humble of Korea, give yourself more credits.” she jokes and smiled widely at you.

“You know you deserve this, right?” her tone this time is softer, letting you know how sincere she is. You can’t help but to return her wholesome gaze as you went close to her for a hug.

These months have been rough for you and only few people in your life knows about it. Your bestfriend, (name), are one of these people. You admit that this project is the biggest one so far that you’ll be working on. It makes you nervous and worry of how it will turn out, but excitement tops all of it. All in all, you’re just happy to be back on track. Glad to finally be back on doing what you love to do.

Being out from the big screen for months was no joke. A lot of questions are formed and articles starts to appear out of nowhere. Vogue speculations and rumors media creats aboutyou to gain attention was horrendous. That’s one of the things you hate in the field you are in. You love your work, there’s no doubt with that. It’s just it drains your energy most of the time. Having your movements being watched by a lot of people all the time sucks big time. Surely, showbiz isn’t for the weak.

“Oh, great.” you snaps out of your trance when your friend spoke again. She looks a little annoyed while still on her phone. Seems like she’s looking at something that caught her attention.

“Look who’s back in the country.” she flips her phone to face you and your eyes squints a bit because of the brightness. Once adjusted, your eyes focused on the article flashing through her screen. Big bold letters caught your attention right away.

‘ENHYPEN back in the country after a successful world tour. The group said to be having rest after a very successful world tour and then prepare for their next come back. Read more...’ it read. You gulped and felt your heart race after reading it. The picture attached bellow the heading was the latest picture of the said group departing an airport from america.

Your eyes locked on the guy with a black mullet hair. His slightly tanner skin makes him extra noticeable when he stood beside one of his fair skinned members. Flashes of cameras reflects through his big doe eyes that makes him look so innocent. Contrary to this was his sinful looking plump lips that lies beneath his pointy nose. Jake Sim, sure is breathtaking.

Its been months ever since the last time you’ve seen him and now that he’s back in the country, it makes you feel a lot of things. Things that only him can execute.

You are snapped out from your thoughts when your friend pulled the phone away, instant regret glints her face. Her eyes are squinting at you, staring as if she just caught you doing a heinous crime. Feeling flushed from being too affected by the article and your friend entirely knowing what’s going on inside your head, you glanced away before clearing your throat.

“Seriously, get over him.” she sighs sounding a little frustrated.

Well, can you blame her? She just knew how things between you and Jake are very intricate. The two of you announced a public break up months ago. The fans, although felt sad about it, didn’t really got too affected by it because that isn’t the first time it happened.

You’re known as one of the rising young actress in your generation. Because of your undeniably talent with acting and your beauty, people sure loves seeing you on screens.

On the other hand, Jake Sim. Oh how to properly start on describing him... It feels easy and difficult at the same time. Easy, because you knew him very well and difficult because you might blabber things unconsciously due to overwhelming emotions.

Jake Sim’s name is very loud on the industry of music. Their group, Enhypen, is making big all over the whole world right now. And you think that they do deserve the fame and all since they are indeed talented.

If he’s amazing on camera, Jake is just dreamy behind them.

He is definitely your ideal type. Tall, handsome, smart, can sing and dance, good physique, have a very sexy accent, soft spoken, loves animals specially dogs, family oriented, financially stable and a complete gentlemen. What more can you ask, right? He’s definitely the one for you. He’s 100%, no doubt, your style.

“Its easier said than done.” your eyes dropped on your glass of wine and slowly, you took a sip.

Awkward silence follows after and your friend could not help but feel slightly bad for bringing up Jake. Her hand moves even before her brain could stop her when she showed you that article. Maybe she just got used to showing everything that has got something to do with the said idol.

To describe your relationship with Jake won’t be easy. Yes, you may agree that the two of have feelings for each other. People always says you two are soulmates, puzzle pieces that completes the whole picture and a very cute couple. You can’t deny that being with him brings tremendous joy within you and that you are happy together, but you couldn’t find the right answer as to why you two always fall apart.

When your gaze drifts towards her, she opens her mouth to say something only to be interrupted by a faint ‘ding’ sound from your phone. A text message from someone just saved you two from an awkward silence. Brows furrowed out of confusion, you pulled out your phone to see who texted you.

And your heart almost drops and palms instantly sweats at the sight of a contact name you haven't seen for a while. After clearing your throat that felt extra dry despite having sips of wine, you sets your glass over the center table to prevent any possible accident.

Jake Sim: Hey.

One word text message was enough to shake your whole system up. To think that he have this much effect on you kind of pisses you off. This isn’t how it suppose to be. His name shouldn’t bother you this way and he should’ve been blocked by now.

You draws in a sigh, trying to calm youself down. A glance over your friend gave you an assurance that she’s now busy with her phone again. You utter your silent prayers that she didn’t saw your reaction just now. She would’ve known what its all about right away.

You: ?

You are biting your nails consciously while (im)patiently waiting for him to text back. It didn’t took him long and you felt a bit dizzy just by thinking he’s waiting for your reply too. Its making your heart beat crazily fast.

Jake: Where are you?

Throat feeling dry once again, you gulped and licked your lips because they felt a little dry as well. As to why is still a question for you.

You: Why?

After the message was sent, the small ‘read’ word plastered below it. Right away, he was typing his reply. He seems eager. To think that it was you he was longing for you is making you tremble in excitement. Even no matter how hard you deny you missed him, you knew deep down that you are feeling incomplete without Jake Sim.

You are missing him too much and having him texting you right now has dug that feeling you've buried the moment you stopped seeing each other.

Jake: I’m at your apartment’s parking lot.

That was it. All it took for you to go stumbling your way to prepare youself was his last text message. Thankfully, you didn’t trip while hurrying over your bedroom to fetch some jacket. Walking pass by your big full length mirror, you went back to check if you look decent enough to make Jake Sim crazy.

You’re currently wearing your usual sexy silk night dress. This is how you dress to sleep or whenever you stay in your apartment so there’s no issue showing like this to Jake Sim. The amount of times he had seen you in these type of clothes was uncountable.

You have to use a jacket to cover up since you have to go use the elevator. Even if this building is usually occupied by celebrities, you don’t want to give a bad impression of dressing scandalously in a cold night.

Your friend who you left at the living room is now crossing her arms at you, head tilted over to the side waiting for the right timing to question your sudden odd behavior.

A bright smile is what you flashed to her, trying so hard to hide the fact that you are feeling so nervous to how you will tell her without gaining any suspicion.

“Are you going to be fine here? I’ll just go out to go b-buy something.” and you top it with yet another sweet smile. This type of acts should be easy for you. You’re an actress for Godsake, but maybe she just knew you so well that’s why it clearly didn’t work.

She rolled her eyes before starting gathering her stuff. “Where is he?” she asks casually while trying to put some of her belongings inside her bag.

A pout made it to your lips and guilt came rushing through you. She scoffs and crossed her arm once again after hanging the strap on one of her shoulders.

“Make sure no paparazzi will see the two of you. The project just got released and he just got back to the country. Please don’t make it to the headlines tomorrow.” she strictly reminds you.

It made a smile spread across your face before nodding continuously.

“Don’t worry. We’ll be very careful.”

She rolled her eyes again and draws a strained sigh. She just couldn’t understand why you two kept on doing these things.

After she saw you panicking after receiving a message, she already knew who it was. It almost like a routine already that her mind instantly gave her a hint on who you’re going to meet. Honestly, she doesn’t want to let you go. She wanted to ask you to make him leave or stood him up like how you suppose to do, but she knew it will just make you two sneak up even more.

You two are so crazy for one another that’s why its still a mystery for her why you kept on breaking up. If you both can’t live without one another, why not just be mature enough to deal with your issues? She just couldn’t understand.

With a hood pulled up to the head and a mask covering half of your face, both of you steps inside the elevator. It was silent, but not totally awkward. Once you arrived at the underground parking lot, her car can be seen right away so you two walked over there first.

She glanced at you, still trying to keep the strict face on. It kind of wants to make you laugh, but you tried not to.

“Don’t stay up too late since you have a photoshoot tomorrow.” she reminded you like a parent trying to remind her daughter she have school the next day.

You smiled and did a playful salute, “Aye aye captain!”

She scoffs and gave you a quick hug before letting you off. A small wave is what you gave her before walking towards the corner of the parking lot. You're pretty sure if Jake's really here, he's parked at his usual spot. Its ideal to meet up there since its at the far corner and only a few people walks around it.

His familiar car was parked like you expected it to be. Due to the heavy tinted windows, its a bit hard to tell whether he's inside the vehicle or not. Thankfully, your confusion was soon answered when his headlights opened and the engine roars.

To avoid getting too much attention, Jake always comes here to pick you up with no headlights. But the moment you arrive, he will open it so if ever someone follows you to take pictures they will have a hard time capturing a good one.

“Hey,” you greeted the moment you got inside his car and the lock clicked soon right after.

Your heart thumped crazily as you met eyes with Jaeyun. His fluffy hair a bit disheveled only made him more attractive. His smile looked so sweet yet teasing. You have no idea how he does that, but he sure knows how to drive you even more crazy.

“Hi gorgeous.” his sudden compliment made your cheeks flushed.

“What are you doing here, Sim Jaeyun?” he chuckled lightly at the sound of his government name falling from your lips. Your sweet lips. God, how much he missed kissing them.

He got easily distracted as his eyes settled over your lips that you quickly catch on. After a sigh, your eyes racked down from his handsome face to the clothes he was wearing causing for a crease to appear over your forehead.

“Wait, did you went here straight from the airport?”

You noticed that he was wearing the same clothes he have at the article your friend showed you. It was when they departed from the airport. The shirt he's wearing inside is the same one from the picture and the coat he used to cover it, abandoned at the backseat of his car.

Jake smiles and the way his eyes batted slowly confirmed it. Now you realized how he looked so tired, the circles below his eyes are visible.

“Yes. I've missed you so I figured I go straight here.”

“Are you crazy?”

He chuckles, enjoying the way you sounded so worried. “I might really go crazy if I didn’t came here to see you.” his tone so serious, eyes still fixed at you.

His words and the way his stares lingers made you blush so hard. Still trying to conceal it with keeping a straight face, you cleared your throat and glanced away from him. That's when you finally take a proper breath. You didn't even realized you've been holding your breath since you entered his car.

“Come on, baby.” the familiar pet name awoke something inside your chest, an emotion.

Your eyes trailed from outside his car towards back him. His eyes looked hooded as he gently reached over you, the warmth of his hands over your skin felt amazing.

“Can I at least have a hug? Didn't you miss me?” his lips pouts and its a sinful scene for you. Jake knew how much you love his lips and he's doing this on purpose.

After letting out a sigh, you slowly leaned your body near him so you can give the hug he was asking for, only to be surprised when his arm slid over your waist smoothly carrying you to make you sit on his lap. A yelp escapes your mouth at what suddenly happened. You are taken off guatd and he's enjoying every bits of it.

Your eyes squints and you glared at him, you rest both of your hand over his upper chest to support your weight as you try to get off him.

“Nah, you're not going anywhere.” he mumbles. The grin on his face grew as he held your hips firmly, refraining you from moving again.

“Jake!” you screamed and felt your whole face burning when he buried his face over your neck, nuzzling and inhaling your scent.

The feeling of his lips in contact of your bare skin is making you dizzy. Jake's eyes looks up while he place feathery kisses at your neck. Seeing you trying to conceal the pleasure you feel from what he's doing is making him smirk.

Slowly, you stopped resisting and just let him have his way over you. As usual.

With eyes shut tight, you let out a strained sigh. “I m-missed you.” you admits.

The grin on Jake's face widen, “I know, sweetheart.” he confidently stated.

Now that’s him. Jake Sim is very confident. He knew where he stands in your life and took grounds over it. He knows how to play his cards in the game he already mastered. Like a predator that have his prey captured and just waiting for the right time to take them in.

You bit your lip, trapping it between your teeth then pulled away slightly to see his face. He leans back, eyes settling on yours, looking sleepy and tired. He smirked and both of his hands moves up to hold your waist, thumb softly caressing it distracting you gradually.

You raised your hand to brush his hair making him close his eyes, feeling so good from your touch.

“It's been a while since I have even heard from you.” you mumble, a hint of distress exists on your tone.

“The tour kept me busy, baby.” he reasoned.

“Busy enough to even contact me once?”

He opened his eyes, half-lidded and a big smirk present on his handsome face. He looked dangerously sexy in front of you and you just couldn’t explain why its making your knees weak.

“You broke up with me, why would I bother reaching out?” his tone taunting you. He was being sarcastic and you know it very well.

Jake knew. He knew so well that the main reason why he didn’t try to reach out is because he might miss you too much. It won’t be too good for the tour if he’ll be distracted. Afterall, you are the only person that can drive him full on crazy mode.

A pout made it to your lips, “I,” your words halt, unable to defend yourself from his blow. It was true and there’s nothing you can say to back up your statement.

Jake took notice of your silence so he lets out a sigh, trying to dismiss the heavy atmosphere that caging both of you.

“Can we go up to your unit? I want to spend the night with you.” he touched your chin slightly and you are left with no choice, but to nod your head.

You two walks inside the building and wait patiently in front of the lift. Jake stood too closely behind you, a hand inside his pocket while the other one rests over your waist. He's wearing his hoodie and a cap, face covered with a mask.

Whenever you two splits up, its usually you who calls it off. Days or a week will pass and you two will slowly find yourself meeting each other again then get back together like nothing happened. In between those, Jake's name will be linked with women from the industry, but his company was always quick to deny it. Then you two will enjoy your time together, fight again, then you'll break it off. The same cycle repeating continuously like a routine.

Maybe you two are still immature? You have no idea. But one thing's for sure, no matter how complicated things between Jake and you got, you always find your way back to each other.

Jake's eyes follows you silently, waiting patiently while you go and close the light of the room. He's already on your bed, changed into his clothes he left in your apartment months ago and already prepared to get that good sleep he's been deprived of.

“What?” you asked him as you take off the jacket you're wearing. You noticed how he just laid there and watch your every move.

His eyes moved from your face down to what you are wearing. Jake gulped and felt like sleep is slowly trying to leave his system, another feeling getting awoken by how beautiful you look. The little light emitting from the lamp beside your bed was enough to give him this glorious vision of you.

“You look so damn gorgeous.” his accent popped the moment he gave that compliment.

Your cheeks blushed right away, “No, you will sleep tonight.” your firm words almost made the man on your bed groan out of frustration.

“Come on, baby.”

You shake your head ‘no’. “Jake, you looked so tired. Sleep.”

“One round?” he asked giving you his puppy eyes, pretty lips turns into a pout.

“Jake,”

He chukles and opens the blanket for you, “Fine, come here then.”

You didn't move and kept your eyes at him, a little suspicious if he's not trying to trick you or anything. He giggled sexily, making you almost lose your mind.

‘Oh Jake Sim.’

“I promise not to do anything funny. I just really want to cuddle and feel your warmth.”

You let out a sigh and decided to climb up on your bed joining him. He pulls your body closer to his not leaving any space in between. He lets your head rest on his chest and place a kiss on your temple.

His familiar warmth you longed for felt heaven and you knew right away that you will have a very good sleep. You started wondering if this means you two are back together. Even if you're bothered about it, you refrained from asking him so you wouldn't ruin the mood.

“Good night, Jake.” you said instead.

“Good night, beautiful. See you in my dreams.” and he tightens his hug on your body that fits perfectly to his hold.

You shut your eyes, inhaling his scent that sends comfort to you. Jake's breathing became more stable, light snores can be heard from him making your smile grow bigger. He moves a bit and pulled you even closer, nuzzling over you. You two were so close you can basically hear his heartbeat synchronizing with yours.

“This series will be a huge deal for your career, y/n.” the bright look on your manager’s face says a lot. She was obviously excited about it.

You are too. Only, you’re a little distracted.

“Do you think Jake’s dating that girl?” you blurted out of the blue.

It’s been two weeks ever since he spent the night to your unit. As expected, you got too busy with your schedules while he’s trying to make the best out of his resting period.

And looks like he’s enjoying it very much, specially after he’s said to be seen around with his 'new' girl. A lot of articles spreads around the internet on how the idol seems to finally move on from you.

This isn’t the first time his name got involved with someone else or the first time people suspects him of dating someone else after calling it off with you. But this is the first time his company is not denying any of it.

It’s already been a day after the news broke out and normally, his company should’ve released a statement saying that it was just rumors and that is not true. But, none. Their side is silent and its bothering you big time.

In a speed of light, your manager's face turn into a frown. The hand holding your contact rested lazily beside her. The excitement over her system slowly draining out of her.

“Why are you thinking about him? He should be the least of your concern right now! You’ve been casted as the main lead of this new hot kdrama and today will be the official release of the trailer you two worked on a week ago.”

Your lips turned into a pout and eyes trailed off from her, guilt filled you because despite of hearing her points you couldn’t stop thinking about Jake.

You know how bad your agency worked hard to get you this spot. Of course you take part on doing it since you did the audtion, but you just can’t disregard the effort and time they put into this project.

She sighed, “You need to get yourself busy to take him off from your mind.” she states.

“You have a photoshoot today with your male lead. Focus on how you two will show chemistry later.”

“Ugh.” you groaned.

“You should focus on your leading man! He’s very popular these days and he’s smoking hot.” you almost laugh when you saw how her eyes almost formed hearts.

“He’s years older than me.”

“So? Don’t you think its good since he have more experiences in life and more mature? You can use some maturity in your life, you know?” her words seems very meaningful, like hinting something vougly.

“Do you have a crush on him?” you ask her with a teasing smile now.

She smirks, “Well, who doesn’t? He's tall and handsome. Very well mannered and good at his job too.”

You scoffed and played with the throw pillow beside you, “Jake’s all that too.” you mumbled that didn’t slip from your manager’s ears.

“Move your ass and get in the van now.” she said strictly making you pout even more.

In the end, you had no choice but to get up from the sofa then head outside your company building to go on with your day.

The ride to the set of your photoshoot was short and you arrived in no time. People around looked very busy as they try to make the set look perfect. You roam your eyes in awe, thinking how talented they are for making it so perfectly.

“Hi,” your head snaps to the side and eyes grew a bit big at the sight of your male lead.

He smiles, eyes almost turning into a one line, dimples showing at side of his cheeks. You got a little surprised how his face looked so different whenever he have a straight face compared when he's smiling. Your manager is right. He sure is very handsome.

You gave him a bow and greets him. His eyes stares while he keep his friendly smile. The aura between you two aren’t really awkward. Even when you first met last last week to shoot the trailer, it was easy to get along with him. You don’t know if he’s just really friendly, but he’s so easy to talk to and get along to.

The takes for that trailer was not so bad as well. The directors kept on complimenting the two of you for doing such a great job. The chemistry on screen was no joke, the look on the staffs around was enough to say that the series will surely do good.

“Have you watched the trailer yet?” he asks.

You shake your head 'no'. “I don’t usually watch myself acting because I think its cringey.”

He chuckles and you can’t help but to notice how good he looks whenever he does that.

“I totally relate. I haven’t seen it too.”

You kept your stares at him like as if you don’t believe him. He sighs and smirks, “Fine, I did. But only because my Mom forced me to watch it with her.”

You chuckled after he confessed.

“That’s cute.”

“Me?” the grin over his face made you roll your eyes, pursing your lips to prevent a smile to make its way to your face.

“I meant your Mom.”

“Well they do say I took after my Mom, so basically you are calling me cute too.”

You snorted playfully, “You’re unbelievable.” and you cannot contain the small chuckles anymore.

He smiles even bigger. “I’m telling the truth.”

You nodded your head, “Yeah, okay.”

Eventually, you both are called to your respective dressing rooms to prepare for the shoot. A big smirk plays through your manager’s face when you entered the room. You furrowed your brows, confused.

“What?” one of your make up artists makes you sit down in front of the big mirrors so they can start doing your make-up.

“So,” she starts. “I saw you two talking. You have a crush on him now?”

You rolled your eyes, “We were just making a conversation.”

She nods her head, but it doesn’t look like she’s believing any of your words. “That’s good. That is really good with building your bond and get closer to each other.”

You stayed silent and just let your make up artist do her job. She was called outside by the photographer and you thank God for that because you finally have the peace you’ve planned to have before setting your mind for the shoot.

Unpredicted at all, Jake Sim made his way inside your mind and the recent articles you just read about him. It suddenly starts to make you feel bad, but your manager did oriented you on how you should focus on yourself.

“y/n, try putting your hand on (actor name).” you snapped back to reality and realized that you are in the middle of shoot already.

After your make up, you were called to start the photoshoot and since then you are spacing out. You gulped, feeling embarrased that you actually not focused so you quickly pull yourself together.

Your eyes trailed over to (actor name) and he’s looking at you. “It’s fine, don’t be shy.” he mumbles with a small teasing smile.

With a blushing cheeks, you rolled and rests your hand over his upper chest. While still looking straight to his eyes, you try to keep a pierce look on your eyes making the smile on his face falter a bit.

“That's it! Keep that tension.” you heard the photographer directs, but you are too focused on admiring the man in front of you.

He soon pull himself and felt his hand rests over your waist pulling you even closer to him. The feeling was odd for you. Maybe because this is the first time a different male other than Jake came this close to you.

“I love it! Keep it up!” the voice was so muffled because you are too busy looking at his eyes. You are too drawn by the looks he was giving you. He looked so good with the way his eyes stares and a small smirk playing over his lips.

“You are so beautiful, y/n. Have I ever told you that?” he whispered as he leaned closer making your forehead and nose touch, his breath fanning you.

Your heart thumped harder and could feel your lips shaking a little. For a moment there, you forgot the issue involving Jake and that girl.

The schedule wrapped up nicely. The staffs and directors complimenting you nonstop that sends relief to you. Its good that in spite of being distracted, you still managed to do well.

“You did great today, y/n.” (actor name) came to say goodbye and you just nods your head at him.

He smirks, “You too.” and you gave a small bow.

A scoff escapes his lips. “Come on, no need to be so formal. We’ll be seeing each other more often so let's be friends okay?” and he even messed your hair playfully.

You frowned, “Okay, but first don't do that again.”

He chuckles, clearly delighted seeing a different emotion from you. “Nah, I’ll keep doing it.” he puts his hand inside his pocket as you shoot him glares.

“Bye, see you on monday.” and sends you a small wave as he walks away.

You are still slightly pissed of what he did when you entered your service. Your manager was too happy to your performance that she just continued going on and on about how much you and (actor name) looked good together. Feeling a little tired because of the shoot and her continuous ranting, you tried to shut your eyes.

You got awoken by gentle taps over your arm. Maybe you are really tired because you fell asleep without even realizing it and now you just arrived at your apartment.

“You did well today.” she says and even asked if she should walk you to your floor, which you declined right away.

“Go home and rest, Manager. I’m sure you are as tired as me.” and you gave her an assuring smile. She smiled back and didn’t even manage to stop the yawn from emitting from her lips.

“Alright, sleep well.” and then off she goes.

You took a long bath to refresh yourself and try to prepare for bed. Its odd because even having a very long day, you don't seem sleepy.

While staring blankly outside your apartment window, you heard your phone ringing nonstop. A strained sigh escapes your mouth before strutting closer to where you put your phone.

Your breath hitched at the sight of Jake's caller id. Heart thumping loudly inside your chest, your mind went blank once again. You thought it was your manager. This isn't the call you've expected to receive.

“Hello?” you licked your lips while fidgeting over your fingers.

“I'm here.” you heard his raspy voice from the other line as you walk back to the window to look over the view outside to somehow relax your mind.

With jacket wrapped tightly around your body, you roamed your eyes around the quiet parking lot. It was late already so like expected, nobody else is here.

Your light steps doesn't even make a single sound and you can almost hear your beating heart. By the left corner, you saw Jake's car at its usual spot.

He is really here. No headlights and waiting for you.

Hesitation occurs your mind, trying to rethink if what you're doing is a good idea. Countless times you've told yourself you'll tell Jake off and yet here you are again. Sneaking just to steal moments with him. It felt illegal that your heart is hammering so hard over your chest, but it felt good at some ways you cannot explain.

When you are only steps away from him, he opens his headlights like always and waits patiently inside.

“Hey.” he greeted the moment you make it inside his car. His eyes were hooded and obviously tired, but that didn't even lessen his godly visual. For you, Jake Sim always looks ethereal.

You smiled, blushing. “Hi.” you shortly replied.

His eyes racked from your face down to your body. “You dressed for me and damn, red lips? You sure know how to drive me crazy.” he commented after seeing the dress and red lips you decided to put on after his call. His hand reaches out to pull you closer.

You hitch your breath because of the sudden contact from his warm hands.

“W-What are you doing here?” the tone you used felt a little off for Jake. Even if you seem worried, nervous or anxious whenever meeting him here, he can always hears a hint of excitement from you. But today, there's something off.

“Aren't you happy to see me?” he pursed his pretty lips into a pout and shoot you with his innocent look on his eyes.

The wall you tried to barricade yourself with came crumbling right away. Jake and his ways of getting you are seriously a big problem.

“I a-am.” and your hand rests on top of his hand that is now on your bare thighs.

Jake smiles at the sight of your eyes softening for him.

'There it is.' he quietly mumbles inside his mind. 'There's my girl.' he added. The amount of relief that flows through him was just enough for him to flash you his pretty wide smile.

“Oh, I'm very glad to see you too.” he pulls you closer, leaning too close enough for your noses to rub against each other. It sends shivers to your spine and butterflies to your stomach.

His eyes hooded as he stares dangerously at your lips then back to your eyes, like a predator so hungry for his prey standing right in front of him.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” he uttered under his breath that made you smile with a flushed cheeks.

Your hands moves on their own as they snaked over his nape to pull him even closer, making your lips almost touching. It was tempting to just make it touch, but for Jake this is what he enjoys. The thrill and heart-thumping moments he gets from being with you. He loves and enjoys the way you can excite and make him want more. He just couldn't get enough of you.

“Kiss me.” you whispered like a wish.

Jake chuckles sexily, his hand slowly caress your thighs that adds so much tension between you two.

“You don't even have to ask twice.” and so he crashes his lips to yours causing an outburst of feelings that filled your heart.

After the heated make out session, your night didn’t end to right away. He asks you using his soft tone to put your seatbelt on, even placing yet another hot kiss on your lips before he started putting his seatbelts on too. His car then drove out from your building's underground parking lot.

“Where are we going?” you ask giving him a short glance.

He smiles and rests one of his hand on your thighs, “Check the backseat, baby.”

You blushed because of the petname he used, but you obliged and brows furrowed at the sight of a picnic basket. A mat lies beside it.

“We’ll go to our usual spot?” you couldn’t hide the excitement over your eyes when you ask him that.

His smile grew wider, “Yeah. We haven't been there for a while.”

A pout made its way to your lips. “Yes. We’re too busy.”

The two of you arrived at the top of the hill where you can see the pretty city lights from afar. It was honestly breathtaking and the first time you've seen this view, you fell in love. This is a space that is memorable and special for both you and Jake.

“Have a sit now, princess.” Jake snapped you out from your trance.

When you glanced at him, he have this big proud smile as he presents you the now laid down flatly mat that he prepared. You chuckled and thanked him before settling down. He opened the basket and your eyes soften seeing the familiar food that you enjoyed eating together.

“Aw, you didn't have to prepare this much.”

He smirks, “Anything for you.” and lightly pinches your cheeks before setting down a sandwich he made.

The night went on with just the two of you enjoying each other's company. It doesn't bother you that it was already late at night or if its getting really chilly.

Fade in the view, you stared at the daydream looks on Jake's eyes. With that long hair, slicked back and just a plain white shirt. He sure makes you ecstatic.

He leans closer making you hitch your breath. You let him take over, finally giving in to his soft kisses. Your heart almost burst outside of your chest due to the million emotions only him can make you feel.

“I missed you so much.” he confessed so low like it was something illegal.

Your eyes shut as his forehead rests at yours. The feeling of your heart beating insync together was your solace.

“I missed you too.”

After spending some more time under the bright moon and comforting silence between you, he finally decided to call it a night. You wanted to protest and ask if you two can stay for a little bit more, but refrain yourself from doing so. He helped you get up with a smile and he puts back the things to his car while you admire him silently.

So it goes. The drive on your way back to your apartment, he couldn't even keep his wild eyes on the road. Stealing glance at your side from time to time, like as if checking if you're really there with him.

At the arrival in your place, the lights were off and as he takes off his coat you felt your heart thumped out of excitement that he's here to stay for the night.

“Cuddle me?” it came out more of a request rather than as a suggestion.

You nod, agreeing. Jake went to his usual side of the bed and opens the blanket for you. After making yourself comfortable, head resting over his chest while he draws lazy circles at the small of your back, you speak out your thoughts.

“I've heard that you've been going out with another girl.” you starts and you know he heard you because his fingers stalled for a while.

“What you heard is true,” he starts and he draws in a strained sigh. “But I can't stop thinking about you and I.” he added and felt him pulling you closer.

You let out a sigh, nuzzling closer.

“I've been there too a few times.” and you two fell into silence with a mutual understanding that despite the situation you both get tangled with, its with one another where you find the most comfort.

You know you should tell him to leave cause you know exactly where it leads, but for some reasons you always ends up watching the two of you go round and round each time.

It's not right anymore. The two of you had been here before, but you always find yourself with the same ending. You just don’t understand why in spite of being aware of it, you always find yourself running your way back over to his arms.

‘Jake Sim of Enhypen seen out with (girl name) again. The two were seen being intimate with each other... Read more.’

Your mind went blank at the sight of the article that has been trending since last night. Mixed of emotions occured you. The sense of betrayal, confusion and emptiness drawns unto you all at once. It was a heavy emotion.

“Hm, ex boyfriend?” you jolted and snapped back to reality when someone talked beside you.

It was (actor name) and he's curious eyes darts straight at the phone screen. Feeling slightly embarrassed, you glared at him before clicking your phone off.

“Is he your ex boyfriend?” he asks again that made you feel even more irritated.

You already started filming the series so you're basically seeing (actor name) almost everyday. He's nice and easy to get along to, but sometimes he can be annoying too. Specially that he seemed to be fond of teasing you.

“Can you mind your own business?” you rolled your eyes that only made him chuckle.

“So he is.” he concludes and you shoot him glares once again.

It’s been a week since the last night you've seen or heard from Jake. And honestly, you thought you two are doing perfectly fine. That the intimate time you spend together that night was a silent declaration that you two are just for each other. Maybe you are just so naive? So hopeful? You don't know anything at all at this point.

“You want me to help you?”

“Help me with what?”

“To get over him.” he stated innocently.

You scoffed sarcastically like it was the funniest thing you've heard in your life. But he is not fazed at all. Instead, he have this confident boyish smile he always sports that makes him extremely attractive.

“You think I haven't tried everything?”

“Yeah,” he starts and shrugs his shoulder off. “You haven't tried going out with me yet, have you?”

You felt something inside your stomach going crazy for what he said.

“You're crazy.” you manages to mumble despite with a racing heart.

“No, no!” he chuckles, trying to win you over considering his suggestion.

“Come to think of it. There's nothing to lose here. You can get over with your ex, we'll get the promotion for our series. Hitting two birds with one stone.”

You stared at him without saying any words, contemplating. The fact that you are really considering his suggestion is making you wonde if you should stop looking at his beautiful eyes. Makes you think that he's hypnotizing you into agreeing.

“And besides, if it doesn't work then we'll just make it seem like I dumped you.”

Your forehead creased as his smile grew wider.

“Why are you the one dumping me?”

He chuckles, “Okay, you can dump me since you look cute.”

You rolled your eyes at him and glanced at his hand he was offering you to conceal the deal.

And you don't know if it was just because the anger you felt towards Jake or (actor name) just looked so good that moment. But you agreed. Leading you to why you are inside his car now, coming home from your nth date.

It's already been five months and a half since the agreement. You don't know it lasted that long already and honestly you don't care because you are having so much fun hanging out with him.

He was such a fun person. You are completely aware of it before, but when you started spending time together with less people and camera around you, he was so much more. He's so caring, such a soft person which totally contradicts his physical appearance since he shows this manly demeanor, and he takes good care of you. He never lets you overthink at all. He's always there for you and never send mixed signals towards you.

It was scary agreeing to this arrangement. Like taking a big risk that you can end up regretting or loving, like someone coming out of their shells for the first time and finding out that the world has so much more to offer.

“What's making you look so serious there, gorge?” he asks as he taps his fingers over his steering wheel waiting patiently for the redlight to turn green.

You pout and showed him the article you've been reading. “Don't you think I look fat in this picture?”

It was an article about the two of you when you've been seen going out the other day and he didn't even glance at it. His eyes are glued at you completely and his eyes softens at your question. A playful smirk painted his face before he leans and give your cheeks a small peck.

“Damn, you are so adorable.” he whispered but you managed to hear it.

“I asked you if I looked fat here.”

He finally take a look and smirks, “I think you look wonderful wearing my hoodie, love.”

You blushed and smiled. “You are so lucky that you are my boyfriend, (actor name).”

A proud smile spreads across his face while he place a kiss on top of your hand. “I am indeed very lucky, Ma'am.”

You arrived at the parking lot and you gave him a kiss on his lips before leaning away to stare at his eyes. They looked arrogant, people always misunderstood him as intimidating on first look because of his sharp looking eyes. Totally opposite of your types, but he was worth the shot. They might look strong and cold, but they're totally different whenever they're looking at you.

Every time you stare at his eyes, you can feel your eyes heating up and you just want to cry for so many things. A lot of things happened already, but he was there all along. Your past self may not believe it if you got to talk to them months ago from now, but you very much happy right now. Happy without worrying of being left confused the next day or week. Consistent happiness that you never felt for a while.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” he assures you.

With a nod, you left his car and waves. You watch how his car drove off and decided to go inside your building when a familiar headlights went on.

You felt your feet stoned and slowly you glanced at his usual spot. Your heart sank at the sight of his familiar car. Its been months ever since you've seen him.

You blocked him from your phone and tried so hard to avoid him in every possible way. The last thing you remembered that you heard from him is that he announced his break up with the girl he was dating months ago and that he's taking his time off from his group.

His car door opened and you don't understand how to feel at the sight of him. The familiar warmth he gives you was still there, the thumping of heart and stomach churning were all there.

His hair grew longer and his eyes looked so tired and sad reflecting clearly on them. He walks on the passenger side of his car and opened the door.

“Can we talk?” he asks gently. “Please?” he added when he didn't saw any reaction from you.

You let out a sigh and started walking towards him. Instinctively, he rests his hand at the small of your back to guide you inside his car. After making sure you're all set, he went inside and the silence was deafening. It sure is awkward here.

“H-How are you? I heard you're taking a time off.” you started off.

His eyes sets on you and they looked so heartbroken, empty and hurt.

“Baby,” the familiar pet names sends millions of memories on you.

“please take me back.” his voice cracked.

Numerous times Jake attempted to fix what he just broken months ago and failed in all of those times. He knew it was a selfish move to make, but he couldn't take it anymore. At first, he thought that its fine when he saw the first time articles announced you and (actor name) were dating. He was actually briefly happy that you looked happy.

But then as times pass by, he realized that he fucked up so bad. He realized it wasn't him for you anymore when its still you for him until now.

The first time he tried contacting you, his heart sank after he realized you blocked him. You avoided and focused on your career. He tried waiting for you in his usual spot, but you never walked there again, purposely going inside the building through the main door. Everything started to come at him full speed and he wasn't ready for the blow.

Jake’s hope crumbles down when instead of your familiar loving gaze, he was met with a sad look on your face. That’s not what he wants.

How stupid is he to take advantage of you, being too confident that you wouldn’t, in any way, find someone else to replace him? It was his fault. He was denial, but the reality are slowly eating him up and he’s getting weak as time passes by.

“Y/n, please.” his pleading tone almost broke you into bits.

You cannot believe your eyes. The confident and flirtatious Sim Jaeyun was nowhere to be found. All you can see is his soft pleading eyes, tears pooling the sides of his eyes. He looked so... lost and broken.

And you feel so bad.

“I'm sorry, Jake. I think you should leave.” you glanced away and hand reached over the car's door to go out. Coming inside here was a wrong decision.

He was quick to stop you.

“W-Wait,”

You prevent yourself to look at him, afraid that you’ll break down the moment you set eyes on him.

“I know I’m too late already and its all my fault, baby.” he mumbles, sniffing.

'Oh God he's crying. Jake Sim is crying.' you thought to yourself.

“I just want to say that I love you, y/n. I really do and I know to myself that you will always be the only one for me. I can fool myself and try dating someone else, but my heart knows where it belongs.”

Your heart cracked at the sound of his voice and the words that were coming out from his mouth. Never in your life you thought you will here it from him. Too bad, its too late. Love really is about timing sometimes.

You tried your best to glance at him with a small smile. He's in tears and you almost lost control of yourself, but you pull through. A tear escapes your eyes as you cup his face and gently caress it.

“If someday,” he rests as he choke on his own words. “If someday you manage to find your love for me again, come back to me.”

His words were knives straight to your chest, but you tried pushing it out from your mind. You tried hard not to absorb them.

“Goodbye, Jake.” and with that, you left. Since it was so hard for you to ask him to leave, you're the one who left.

Jake was your comfort for quite some time. He was your warmth from the cold, your peace of mind and your soulmate. He will always have a special part in your heart no one else can take, like a childhood blanket that helps you sleep well, a pair of shoe you used to love and wear all the time, a favorite pajamas you wear at night.

You know when sometimes you tend to try out new styles whether its clothes or hair colors, but always find yourself going back to your 'comfort' style. That certain style that comforts you, gives you confidence and destinct warmth, that's Jake Sim for you. He is your style.

But sometimes change is not so bad. Sometimes, stepping out from your comfort zone is a great step for self development, for growth.

Jake Sim is definitely your style, and just like any other phases, they pass. You outgrew them in order to be better. You may leave that phase behind, but great memories you experienced through it, with him, will be cherish forever.

eeunoia 2024 © all rights reserved.

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[thecapricunt1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 3

♡ Summary: Carmy actually has allowed himself FRIENDS?? Also- he gets to have like.. a normal day with Syd somewhat, outside of work, hanging out with people who aren't in any way involved w/ the restaurant.

♡ W/C: 6,919

♡ Posted Date: 04/08/2024

♡ A/N: Hayo ;D Here is C3 of Blue Lotus!!! I am v much like Carmy & got a alot of amusement AND enjoyment writing this chapter, so that makes my brain tell me I took it too OOC & I haaate writing these 2 OOC. So if its OOC I'm sorry, but at least it's funny LOL. The story Shayna tells is lightly based on Euphoria But the college version - so if you've seen it that's why it feels a little familiar - if you haven't seen it its a same vibe except high school so the father is much, much more disgusting. But I looove writing Shayna so much, I have friends like her & they are always the personalities to make you laugh until youre sore the next day - & Syd & Carmy deserves a friend like that so I gave them one! Without further ado, I hope you enjoy <3 As per usual this fic is inspired by Tucson that can be read here It was written by my lovely friend @gingergofastboatsmojito please be sure to read that one before you read Blue Lotus, also do give Ginger a follow!!!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Talks of ; a near physical assault, blood, sex, transphobia/outing, self inflicted wounds, actually contains; smoking cigarettes/weed, drinking alcohol, vomiting, swearing

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

“Hey! Im Sydney- sure! We were uh…we were gonna cook- do you wanna join? I just got back from the store” she got up, shaking her hand. 

“Totally -  my god this necklace! Where did you get it?” Shayna asked, leaning in and looking at the pendant “and you smell so good, lavender?” She said. 

“I thrifted it! I love thrifting. Carm does too- does it so much he has to keep extra jeans in his oven.. oh! And yeah this perfume it’s inside. I’ll show it to you” Syd replied happily. 

“Your oven?” Jesse asked Carm 

“Yeah uh.. not enough space- um Syd these are my…” he trails off 

“Friends. Were his friends- therapy friends I guess. I mean I hope he holds his word and texts me when we get out of here” Shayna nudged Carm’s shoulder gently. 

He cleared his throat “yeah- uh-my friends. Shayna and Jesse.” He said shyly. 

“Well it’s nice to meet you guys, have you ever had deer? They sell it at the grocery store here, harder to get in Chicago. I figured we’d try this recipe I thought up a while ago” she opened the door to the cabin and Jesse and Shana went inside making themselves at home right away. 

This wasn’t the first time they’d hung out, they would do this a few times a week before dinner and then sit and eat together before going back to their respective cabins for the night. 

“Never had deer before - aren’t you guys like super chefs or-“ Jesse is interrupted by Shayna’s whining 

“Carmen you still haven’t asked for a wifi box?!” She asked annoyed, putting her phone back in the pocket of her cargo jeans.  

“No I haven’t because I don’t need one I’m not addicted to Instagram or whatever the fuck” Carmy said, taking the door for Syd and she headed in, him following suit. 

“Oh yeah I forgot Carmy the little old man who likes to hide away from the online world- you look like you take fire Instagram pictures, how do you deal with that loser all the time?” She asked Syd jokingly, leaning against the counter and watching as she pulled various ingredients from the fridge. 

Syd laughed a bit, a big smile on her face as she moved around looking through various cabinets. “I do…um- Chef-“ she said and he sat up from where he was leaning against the kitchen doorframe 

“Where do you need me?” He asked her 

“Onions medium dice if you can manage the knives here suck” she took out one of the small knives they kept for him in the drawer and set it on the cutting board as she began to pick the rosemary, putting the sprigs in a bowl. 

“What the fuck is that” Shayna picked up a mortar with a deep black goop at the bottom. 

“Juniper berries…found a juniper tree when I was hanging outside. Made sure it’s the right kind so don’t be worried” Syd said and Carmen couldn’t help the small smile that curled his lips. 

“You found a juniper, and you just.. remembered this recipe?” Carmen asked, chopping the onions as skillfully as if he hadn’t been out of the kitchen a single day. 

“Thats hot” Shayna says “you’re hot as hell bitch! Oh my god! You just saw a tree and were like ‘let me make up this super cute berry deer coquette dish’ ” she said, causing Syd, her, and Jesse to crack up, but Carmen was lost. 

“The fuck is a coquette?” He asked, causing Syd to laugh harder when Shayna said between giggles 

“I told you! He’s so old!!!” She squeaked, leaning against the counter and wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. 

“Coquette is like… Marina and the Diamonds on Vinyl, pink bow, fairy princess, Sydney in the woods picking juniper berries aesthetic it’s like..a vibe.” Shayna explained.

“Oh my god- it’s a girl thing carm it’s like. I dunno- like pink frilly shit and like- Lacy shit?” Jesse tried to explain. 

Carm raised his brows, scraping the now cut onions into a bowl. “So Syd picking berries what does that have to do with- what did you say- pink bows?” Carm questioned and Shayna rolls her eyes. 

“It’s the vibe Carmen, the vibe. Ugh you are no fun I can already tell Sydney is the fun one. What music do you listen to?” Shayna sat up next to Syd on the counter as she dusted the board with flour and started to cut the meat into chunks. 

“I listen to…well- a lot. My mom loved R&B so I still listen to that but mostly 90s stuff that makes me think of her, I love SZA, HER, Jhené Aiko, oh Kali Uchis! Khelani of course… frank ocean is so fire I really like his stuff too..yeah just a lot of stuff.” She explained. 

Carm sat there digesting every word she said, it wasn’t unusual for him to do that. He tried tucking the unfamiliar names in the back of his mind so he could look them up or ask Shayna what she knew about them later. 

“Oh my god- we have to chill sometime!! Do you smoke?” Shay asked hopefully and Syd looked at Carm for a moment before her eyes flickered back to Shayna. 

“I do. But…not when I’m working. Because it fucks up my taste and smell..but I am on vacation so…” she said with a small shrug and a smile. 

“Dude! Oh my god Jesse cmon I need to go back to my cabin” she got down off the counter “I’ll be right back” she said and they headed out being sure to close the door behind them. 

“They’re fucking?” Syd asked and Carmen laughed a bit 

“No- no. Where’d you get that?” He asked, beginning to peel the carrots over the garbage can. 

“Why did he go with her? Aren’t the cabins all right here?” She asked. 

Carmen looked up at her for a moment “oh- yeah. They are. Shay has somethin about being alone. Somethin about her childhood- she came here because she said it’s like…the good version of where her dad sent her. Whatever that means. But she can’t be out and about alone it freaks her out. I guess she went to some… wilderness camp? She went on about it in one of our sessions. They were…they were fucked up.” He said, putting the now peeled carrot down on the cutting board and starting on the next. 

“Shit.” She said, putting the cast iron on the burner, starting the flame with the lighter that she’d found on the counter. “Like…so they left her in the middle of nowhere or something?” She asked and Carmy shrugged. 

“Kinda like that. She said that they like…would hike all day. And then at night they’d have to pitch their own tents. They took their shoes at night so they wouldn’t try and run. They’d like- send pictures back to their family- and if they didn’t smile they’d get in trouble. Pretty fuckin…sadistic shit t’do to a kid. Dunno how her dad thought it would change her ways - she said she went because their views on religion didn’t align…” he explained 

“Wow…” she said, after a long beat of silence “she’s like..I wouldn’t have expected her to be so friendly after that. I wouldn’t be” she said, salting down the meat. 

“Yeah Shayna is…a character. For sure. But she’s really sweet, and has a huge heart even though she loves to bitch people out. She’d cut someone if they tried to fuck with me, though. One of the newcomers showed me that” he chuckled, shaking his head a bit. 

“What happened?” She asked

“So we were at lunch, and before that day we just..sat at the same table but didn’t really talk. She talked, but I would mostly listen. And um, this new dude. Justin? I think? Total fuckhead. Guys a tank too, like fuckin’ 6’2? No joke. But uh he was like basically screaming at his table, talkin’ so fuckin’ loud, so I looked over- and he met my eyes and just went off hes like ‘you got a problem little man? What the fuck is up with you, you got a staring problem?’ And Shayna- you should have seen her!” He laughs at the memory. 

“What’d she do?” Syd asks curiously. 

“Oh, she picked up her mashed potatoes- like - a fist full of mashed potatoes Syd- bare handed- and screeeamed at him ‘YOU WANNA FUCK WITH HIM COCKSUCKER?! WHY DON’T YOU COME FUCK WITH A BITCH THAT CAN ACTUALLY LOOK YOU IN THE EYE, SCAREDY MOTHERFUCKER!’  then whipped it at the dude. It hit him right in the face- eeeeveryone was dying we were all cracking the fuck up. I haven't seen him again after that, thankfully, but then she just looked at me and asked me for my plastic knife so she could get the potatoes from under those huge nails she wears and went to wash her hands like nothing happened.” He explained. 

Syd laughs and Carm follows suit. “Wow. Well I guess I shouldn’t worry about you after all- you found a temporary big sister, you should keep her around. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who would pelt another in the face with mashed potatoes for me” she snorts a laugh, setting the meat in the pan. 

“I would. Without a shadow of a doubt, when Marcus was yelling at you I wanted to fuckin knock him out with a pan-“ he stopped himself and she looked over at him, the only sound now filling the room being the sizzling of venison on cast iron and the tick of the wall clock. 

She blinked a few times, unsure what to say before the memory of the drawing came back to her. 

Just say it now. Why else would he want to hit one of his employees with a pan if not for feelings he hasn’t made me aware of?

She’d thought to herself. 

But Carmen on the other hand was thanking god that Shayna and Jesse came back, boisterous as ever- 

“Pookiesss We come bearing gifts” Shayna drops a bag on the table, as well as a pink speaker that was playing some Spanish music Carmen hadn’t ever heard before. 

“You listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd asks as she turns around. 

“YOU Listen to bad bunny?” Jesse asks and Syd smiles big 

“Who doesn’t listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd laughed “he’s like- literally I think the most listened to Spotify artist or something? Top 3?!” 

“Who is bad bunny?” Carmen asks as he cut the carrots into matchsticks. 

“You need to train your dogs better, Sydney” Shayna teased, taking shooters of grey goose out of her tote bag and putting them in the freezer. 

Syd laughs so hard she snorts, covering up her mouth with her hand and shaking her head. “You are fucking insane” she said 

Carmen smiled big, looking over at Syd. “Chef, did you just snort?” He teased smugly and set his knife down, leaning against the counter next to her, smirking. 

“I did- because your friend thinks you’re my bitch” she teased, turning back to the meat and flipping each cube carefully with the metal tongs that were next to her on the counter. 

Carmen’s mouth drops and his cheeks go scarlett, Shayna snorts a laugh, sitting at the table casually, legs crossed as she picked the stems and seeds off buds of weed, while Jesse howls with laughter. “Fuuuck-“ he shakes his head with amusement “wow. I uh…” he snorts a laugh “I get you Carmen. Get you better now” he said. 

“Okay- fuck you shayna” Carmen shook his head, unable to contain his smile. He’d never heard Syd laugh so hard before and witnessing it made him feel on fire. 

“Sorry I can tell who wears the pants it’s a natural talent of mine” she shrugged, “Jess come do this” she slid the little container of picked apart buds over to the spot next to her and he sits next to her at the table. 

“So you guys aren’t..like you’ve not known eachother before this?” Syd asks them. 

“Oh! No we did actually. Jess and I met at this program when we were 14, restart. It was a pure chance though that we come here at the same time.” She said and got up, washing her hands in the kitchen sink of the sticky resin. 

“That’s so cool - where are you from?” Syd asked her as she takes the bowl of onions from next to Carm at the island, their hands brushing for a moment which caused Carmen to nearly cut himself because his focus was completely lost at her touch. 

“Were from LA. Aren’t you from Chicago? Why are you here? I mean- like it’s great you’re great I’m glad to have a sane member of society around, it’s refreshing when you’re only around only psychos, you know? But uh..” she laughed a bit when Syd got started “you must be…pretty close friends” she looked at Carm for a moment before looking back at her. 

Carmen suddenly felt something akin to anger sitting low in his chest. And it had to do with Shayna. He likes Shayna, so he wasn’t sure what was going on. But, Jesse saw the switch in Carmen- and read it right away as jealousy. 

“Uh…” Syd clears her throat nervously, suddenly not knowing what to say. 

“Like what is it? Jess? We went to restart in Wisconsin so Chicago? How far is that?” She asks. 

Jesse gave her the cut it out eyes, but Shayna hadn’t been able to play matchmaker in weeks, she was gonna push these two together the same way she made her Barbie’s kiss when she was a kid. 

“I’ll guess like - 1800 miles. Soooo- oh! And don’t you have that restaurant?” She asked and Syd nods. 

“Mmhmm we run it together. It’s fine though it’s being held down, I finally got my new Sous trained and his sister is working a lot lately she wants to get everything all together before she has her baby so…” she rambled on, trying to pull out any reason that made it sound like she was unneeded there - even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

“Right. I’m gonna go smoke would you like to come? I’m sure your…” she looks back at Carmen for a moment before looking back at Sydney “partner can hold this down until we get back?” She asked and looked at Carmen again, raising her brows. 

“Yeah- yeah Syd go. Go ahead go relax - got this chef.” He nods and went over to the stove, squeezing past her in the tight space, his hand brushing her waist momentarily as he did so. 

“Okay- okay sure” Syd nodded, following Shayna outside. She walked quietly for a few moments, lighting the joint and taking a drag before handing it over to Syd. 

They were about 30 feet from the house, Syd was taking a deep drag of the joint - savoring the taste since she couldn’t do it often, when Shayna said 

“You need to fuck eachothers brains out so he can go the fuck home. That- or tell him it’ll never happen so he can stay here for however long it takes him to break down and move on” 

Sydney choked on the smoke in her throat, quickly handing the burning joint back to Shayna and coughing into her arm. 

Shayna laughs before taking another drag, patting Sydney’s back sympathetically. “Sorry- people have told me I’m too blunt but I’d rather hear the truth so I give it to people straight” she said simply. 

“Dude! What if he heard you! Shhh!” Sydney said once she caught her breath. 

“Oh please! No! He didn’t! And if he did- he’d be leaned halfway out the door trying to hear the answer because he’s dying to know! You know he has the hots for you- please- don’t play stupid, girl” She rolled her eyes, handing the joint back over. 

“What - no- he’s- we’re business partners” Syd replied, shaking her head and taking a short drag. “He doesn’t. He’s just sick and clinging to me he’s - he’s depressed and I’m violating HIPAA or whatever by saying that but it’s honest! I’m not his type” She passed it back over to Shayna. 

She took it, laughing at her HIPAA comment “Chefs aren’t bound to HIPAA regulations, but nonetheless- I’ll be honest for you, since you can’t be honest with yourself. You flew here because you want to fuck him. There’s no other explanation- no not even just fuck- you love the guy. Why else would you fly across the country to be with him? Especially when he’s due home in 11 days. No dick is that great, especially attached to a guy on that many psych meds.” She said and took a long drag. 

Sydney’s heart began racing 100 miles an hour. She stopped walking, leaning against the fence, feeling like all the air had been knocked out of her lungs. She imagined this is how Carmy felt when Stardust threw him off. 

“Are you- what in the Hozier Adele ass fuck. You didn’t know? Or - realize- the L word? That you love him?” Shayna said, taking another drag of the joint. 

Sydney stared at the forest ahead, resting her hand on her forehead, shaking her head. “Fuck. Fuck. Oh fuck.” She swallowed hard. “Um-uh I- I feel sick? I feel- I’m gonna throw up.” Syd said, standing up and quickly walking over to the large oak tree at the end of the rows of cabins, hurling up the remainders of her lunch which was just a McDonald’s burger she’d gotten on her way back from the grocery store. 

“Jesus Christ. It’s you too? What are you waiting for?” Shay followed after her, rubbing her back gently  

“What do you mean-“ She’s interrupted by a gag she couldn’t hold back. “Fuck. What do you mean what’s me too?” She asked, coughing and spitting the bile taste in her mouth on the ground before leaning against the tree to catch her breath. 

“Like- you and him both don’t even realize you’re in love. It’s weird as fuck. It’s usually one person chasing - but you guys are secretly chasing eachother? But also at the same time trying I dunno. One of you has to make a move though” she said, leaning on the tree next to Syd. 

“What if he’s just sick? What if he’s clinging to me because he’s sick and…and I’m like manipulating him” she asked nervously 

“Ahh yes because you are manipulating a grown man into not breathing when he sees you? You can do that? Can you teach me? Except I’ll use it to kill creeps” she nudged Syds shoulder, finally earning a smile back out of her. 

“He doesn’t do that…” she looked at the ground sheepishly

“When we get back, I’m gonna count out loud because the oblivious fuck hears no one when you’re around, and watch he won’t be breathing. I swear it’s like the first thing I noticed looks like a fuckin fish out of water.” She said and finished the joint, stomping it out with her shoe. “Shall we put my experiment to the test?” She asks and Syd rolls her eyes. 

“I wanna see what’s going on with the food let’s go” she smiled a bit, heading back with Shayna to the cabin.  

It only took them 4 minutes back, Shayna walks in first and Carm’s head pops up from his conversation with Jesse at the counter, and as soon as Syd pops in behind her- Shayna quietly starts whispering “one…two…three…four..-OW!” She squeaks as Syd kicks her ankle just enough to hurt. 

That was enough to break Carm out of his trance “hey- hey- how was your walk, y’okay? You look…I dunno” he came up to her, feeling Syds cheek with the back of his hand “y’flushed…” he said and she pulled away from his touch, feeling embarrassed. 

“I’m fine” she said, walking back to the stove and making sure the meat was okay. “What did you do with the beef stock?” She asked, looking over the counter. 

Carmy swallowed thickly “uh- sorry, sorry. Here” he went to where he put it in the cabinet and handed it to her. “We…we good?” he asked quietly. 

“We’re good. Get the juniper berries please.” She said without meeting his gaze and opened the stock, pouring some in the pan. 

Shayna giggles and Carm looks back at where she and Jesse were sat at the table, Jesse making a circle with his thumb and forefinger and thrusting his other finger in and out of it, alluding to their sexual tension lacing the room. 

“Oh you are children.” Carmen grumbles, grabbing a beer from the fridge and rolling his eyes “want one- dipshit? Cabin check is tomorrow they all need to be gone” he said and Jesse nodded with a smug smile. 

“You love your crazy camp besties pookie!!! Don’t play games cause your cool chef friend is around” Shayna said, getting up and going to the freezer, taking out 2 shots. 

“Syd?” She asked and Sydney turns around, looking at the shots in her hand. 

“Uh- why not. Sure. Just one” she said, taking one of them and cracking it open. 

“Cheers” Shayna says, clinking her shooter with Syds 

“To?” Syd asked. 

“New beginnings” Shayna said simply before tilting her head back and swallowing the shot in one gulp.

“That was the best fucking food I’ve ever eaten. Have you guys ever been told you should open a restaurant?” Jesse teased, helping Carmen clear the empty dishes from table. 

“Wow you really should pursue stand up, Jess” Carmy said with a small smile, collecting the 4 disposable cups they used for wine and throwing them away. 

“You know who would fuckin love her Carm?” Syd motions to Shayna 

“Who?” He mused, rolling up his sleeves and starting the hot water on the sink. 

“Richie. They’d be menaces together but they’d be best friends!” Syd laughs a bit and Carmen gasps 

“Richie!!! Yes! They would- but- Oh my god how is he? I literally- fuck. I’m so shitty I haven’t even really…like been thinkin about everyone back home other then like you and I- I guess sugar” Carmen said. 

Jesse and Shayna gave eachother a ‘we’ll discuss this romcom fuckshow later’ look, before giggling amongst themselves. 

“He’s- he’s Richie. He’s never gonna let me stabbing him go. Every time I tell him to do something he’s like ‘right away chef wouldn’t wanna get stabbed’ - he’s scaring the new hires, carm!” She giggled in the way that made his heart flutter like butterflies were smacking it with their wings. “And he keeps calling me cousin by mistake!! It’s getting ..really weird” she shook her head, sitting down at the table. 

“You stabbed a motherfucker?” Shayna asked impressed. 

Carmen laughed a bit “on accident” he told her 

“Doesn’t mean it didn’t feel good he was grating my last nerve that day. But I mean…he’s okay so I’m not that bad for thinking it” she smiled and Carmen laughed, scrubbing the plates with the sponge. 

“I would have stabbed this motherfucker but I just did one better and made everyone afraid to fuck with me. Everyone thinks this was a result of my attempt but it’s not.” Shayna showed off a long scar on her forearm, partially covered by a large dragon tattoo. 

“You did that to yourself?” Syd asked, slightly impressed but mostly a little scared, her finger gently rubbing up the raised scar. 

“Mmhmm. In college. I went to this party, this guy-“ she shook her head with a small, mischievous smile. “So he comes in the kitchen, he’s acting like a fucking bull so of course I’m staring at the weirdo, right? He looks at me- and he goes what the fuck are you looking at, bitch. And I was new, so I didn’t know it was his house. So I was like I’m looking at some meathead loosing his temper like a toddler, what the fuck are you looking at. And he just asks me who I am- and…” she sits back “I didn’t know anyone? Like…I went there to meet people. So I was like oh I’m Shayna and he just starts screaming ‘who the fuck is Shayna, does anyone at this party know a fucking Shayna?’ And he was like in my face. So I told him I was like I’m not trying to start anything here I’m minding my business back up and he goes ‘no one that looks like you is minding their own business’ and then he- he told me he knew what I was.” She said and shrugged.

 “ And that I just wanted attention. And that he would give me the attention I was looking for. And then? He told everyone in the kitchen that someone better speak for me or he was gonna fuck me up.- so, I grabbed a knife from the counter, and he backed up like a pussy and was like ‘I’m kidding! I’m kidding it’s a joke I’m fucking with you!’ And I asked him if he wanted to hurt me, and he kept saying no - even though I knew he was getting ready to kick the shit out of me, probably worse. So I slit my arm, and bled on him. Then I left. And no one ever tried to out me there again.” She said and sipped her beer. 

“You’re gay?” Sydney asked curiously. 

“Yeah but that’s- Jesus Christ these Chicagoans” she said, and her and Jesse started laughing. 

“What? What’s funny?” Syd sat up. 

“she’s-“ Carmen starts

“AHT!” Shayna tisks “no, Carmen, we got to make fun of you for a month now we get to make fun of her until she figures it out. I think you’re smarter though, socially speaking” She said and Carmen gives her the finger, causing her to laugh. 

“Oh- ohhhh! Wow! I wonder how he thought he could tell” Syd said and Carmen looks back at her. 

“Really?! How did you figure it out so fast?!” He asked her 

Syd laughs “oh because it’s the 2020’s and if someone says they were outed and it’s not about being gay, there’s only one other thing to out” she said and Carm huffs, annoyed with his own pitfalls of refusing to make friends his first 30 years. 

“Yeah how would he know? I didn’t know” Carm asked her and she smiled big, looking at Jesse. 

“It was fucked. Up. What you did. But if you wanna tell them? Gooo ahead.” He said with a smile, drying the dishes as Carm washed and rinsed them. 

Shayna laughs excitedly, sitting up and pushing her long blonde hair back. “Okay, so. I end up finding out who this guy is, right? And apparently…his dad who was the football coach was like- DL- into trans girls- “ Carm interrupts 

“What does that mean?” He asked her 

“DL? Down low, like- they fuck us in private” she explained and Carmen scrunched his brows in confusion 

“Why?” He asked and Shayna looked at him confused. 

“Because…they think it’s gay?” She said like it was obvious, but to Carmen, it wasn’t. 

“But… Y’re a girl. So how would it be gay?” He asked 

“I’ll give you a ‘how humans interact with eachother’ lesson later, Carmen, for now it’s story time” she teased.

 “Anyway-“ she continued “so I find this out, because I look up his name on Facebook - see his dad tagged, and I fly to Grindr- because I swore I literally saw him there. Turns out I had. So I send him a chat, we hit it off, I go fuck him-“ she said, Syd starts laughing, Carm turns around with wide jaw eyes and a dropped jaw. 

“Like- oh I fuuuuucked that man. Multiple times. He didn’t fuck me- let me say that again for your cis ears to have it sink in, I fucked- this man’s father” she said - Carmen’s jaw drops further, and Jesse was howling with laughter at Syd and Carmys shocked expressions. 

“No- no- Shayna- hold on I need a cigarette - Jesse take this shit over” Carmen pulls open the front door, pushing up the glass on the screen door, grabbed his beer and cigarettes from the counter, and sat next to Syd at the table. “Okay keep goin- I’ve never heard this much-“ he shook his head in amusement 

“Tea? I know- it gets better!” Shayna laughs. 

Carmen smirked, shaking his head and taking out a cigarette lighting it between his lips and taking a drag. “So you fucked this man’s dad.” Carmen couldn’t help but laugh at how insane the words sounded coming from his mouth- and Sydney followed suit, head falling back and eyes squeezing shut, Carmen’s heart quickened at the adorable sight, having the urge to reach out and grab her soft, delicate hand that was just a few inches from his own on the tabletop. 

“Oh my god- were taking them with us back to chicago- I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this” Syd said, stealing his beer from next to him and taking a sip. 

The action made Carmen’s heart skip a beat. The fact that she was comfortable drinking out of something his lips had already touched, it drove him wild. They had tried food off of the same spoon at work just so they didn’t have to go through the hassle of washing two, but this felt…different. More intimate. 

“Did you- I’m sorry- did you want one?” He asked “I didn’t think you liked beer - I thought you said you like wine more” he said and she shook her head. 

“We can share…right?” She asked, a bit shyly. She wasn’t sure what made her do it, maybe it was because her white claw had been long forgotten and now was luke warm on the kitchen counter, or maybe it was the few extra shots she’d been convinced into taking earlier that was causing her to take the chat with Shayna to heart. 

“Yeah- course, always.” He nodded a bit. Unnoticed by Syd and Carmy, Jesse and Shayna give eachother another ‘we’re gonna talk about this romcom shit later’ look before Shayna clears her throat. 

“So- yes Carmen, I fucked this man’s father. And multiple times. He was married- I didn’t fully know that though before you both look at me shitty- he didn’t say that -“ Jesse cuts her off 

“Ohhhh- oh! No!!” He laughs “no- the real story- is that she saw a ring but didn’t ask about it - you may now continue” he said, turning back to the sink and rinsing the last of the dishes. 

Carm snorts a laugh “evil. That is evil the man’s marriage! Shayna!” He took a drag of his cigarette and she rolled her eyes. 

“It was already on the rocks- let me finish! You fucks! So then- I recorded it, and I held onto it- just in case. But. Get this- one of my girlfriends on campus? Guess who she ran into on Grindr?” She asks and Carm and Syd both lean in slightly, and Shayna can’t help but notice the way they were already so in sync. 

“The fucking guy from the party” she said and Syd gasps, Carmen cracks up. 

“He’s his fathers spitting image. Thats it. That’s why- that’s why he said that to you. He knows about you or whatever? Because he loves girls like you and is also a pussy.” Syd said and Carm hums in agreement. 

“Exactly! Exactly. So…I had her tell him to meet her in the park- but…” she smirks and Sydney covers her mouth preemptively, knowing whatever was going to say next was going to be off the wall. 

“I was there too- fucking his dad! And oops! he saw us! And I asked him if we should check and see who’s bigger- he dropped out of school the same week- and the dad resigned” she said and took another casual sip of her beer with a proud smirk.

Carmen sits there, dumbfounded, looking to Sydney who when she saw the look on his face cracked up. “Your face-“ she said, causing him to start laughing as well. 

“Shay-“ he looks at her, wiping tears that were gathering in the corners of his eyes from laughing so hard. “Shayna what the fuck” he managed to get out before laughing again, shaking his head. “You are a person that I won’t ever, ever get on your shit list if I can help it” he said, looking over quickly when Syd coughs from laughing so hard 

“Woah- arms up, arms up” he tells her and goes to the fridge, grabbing a water bottle and coming back quickly, opening the cap and handing it to her. She took a large sip. 

“Thank you- sorry- fuck you Shayna you’re gonna kill us both I don’t think I’ve ever heard him laugh this hard” she said and Shayna smiled 

“Well, that’s a good thing. this guys got a problem with having the dead inside look- at least before you got here” she nudged Carm with her elbow. 

He realized he was still stood, hand protectively on the back of Syds chair looking down at her as if she was the only one in the room. 

“Isn’t that why we’re all here?” Jesse countered, sitting in the empty chair next to Shayna 

“I’m very alive inside- I just get too manic and start destroying my life because it’s something to do” she said and finished off her beer. “I’m already on probation cmon I need to go to my cabin and you aren’t allowed to have fun without me” she told Jesse, standing up and grabbing her bag and speaker. “Nice to meet you, Sydney. And Remember our chat hot stuff” she said as she put her bag on her shoulder. 

“Yeah- we’ll probably run into each other again, I leave Sunday night.” She said, and Carmen’s heart soars. 

He wasn’t sure why, he just thought maybe she’d just fly in for one night to see how he was and then leave the next day, but the fact she was staying a whole other day and a half- and they would be alone. 

“Sick! Okay well we’ll link up tomorrow then, have a goodnight guys - and remember wrap it before you tap it, shortstack!” Shayna said as her and Jesse shut the door behind them and head off. 

Carmen blushed pink, shaking his head. “She’s a hack, but she’s a very nice hack” Carm said, rubbing over his face embarrassedly. 

“They’re super cool Carm. She’s..really fuckin out there but-“ she shrugged looking at the clock. “Oh- shit. Fuck- it is late, I don’t want you to get in trouble” she said, standing up and grabbing her coat off the back of her chair. 

“You- you aren’t um…staying?” He asked and got up, grabbing her backpack she’d brought with her from the kitchen table and bringing it over. 

“Oh well all of my- stuff..” she trailed off, eyes locked on his. They stayed there silent for a moment, and his heart started pounding in his chest so hard he could feel it in his stomach. 

“Uh-“ he started and nervously bit the inside of his lip, he’d been doing that a lot tonight. He was holding his tongue, he always did around her. He didn’t understand it, because unless she was around it was like a part of his brain switched off, and he didn’t have access to speech in the same capacity as when she was near. 

“I- so…I think um- I-“ he stops himself, grabbing his shoulder nervously and averting her gaze. His throat suddenly felt tight, this was it. He either said something, or he let her leave and he stayed up all night thinking about what he should have said when she leaves. 

“Did you draw me?” Sydney asks suddenly. 

Carmen feels his stomach doing flips, his palms got sweaty and all of the color drained from his face. “I-“ he crossed his arm over his chest, tightly gripping his hoodie. He suddenly felt as if he could be sick, “I’m sorry?” It came out sounding like a question. 

Sydney felt insane “you- when-“ she smiled nervously “oh god- Jesus- I- it must be the-“

Carmen cut her off before she could say what would shut his entire course of action that he was trying to lay out down fully before he could attempt to put it into motion. “I meant- I meant I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. Syd. That’s how I meant it. I - you remind me of home.” He said, not breaking her gaze. “And I need a little bit of that, here.” He said softly. 

Syd just nods, holding on to the chair for stability. She wasn’t sure if this conversation was really happening or if she was in some insane dream. She could hardly believe Carmen was expressing himself to her, in a way other then anger or fear. 

“I..I draw you a lot.” He admits, running a nervous hand through his hair. “We do uh- art..art therapy. A few hours every day” 

“Can I…see them? If…if that’s okay?” She questioned. 

The color came back to Carmen’s face full force, he had to be sure whichever sketchbooks he would show her had none of the explicit themed drawings. “Uh- sure. Sure…gimme a sec- I’ll um” he headed to the bedroom, opening the desk drawer and grabbing the bigger sketchbook he usually took to art therapy, the safest one since the therapist would come and look at whatever the patients were working on.  

He quickly flicked through it to make sure, before heading back out to the living room where Syd had sat on the couch when he went to retrieve the sketchbook. “I’m- sorry…sorry if this is like. Weird-“ he said, feeling suddenly Insecure about his hobby that was the reprieve that got him through any of the sleepless nights he had here. 

“No- no its..it’s sweet Carm, can I?” She asked, grabbing the sketchbook in his lap, their hands brushing lightly. He felt that familiar fire in his chest, and nods with a hum of agreement. 

She opened it, eyebrows raising in surprise “they aren’t like-“ he started 

“This is incredible-“ she cut him off and leaned over him, turning on the lamp at his side to get a better look at the portrait he had committed to memory of her smiling. He nearly shivered when her curls brushed his cheek, the smell of the perfume on her neck mixed with the familiar scent of her causing goosebumps to appear over his flesh. 

“I don’t know if I should be offended that you remember the gap in my teeth so well. Because I know for a fact you aren’t on Instagram” she said. He smiled, rolling his eyes slightly 

“It’s one of your nicest qualities” he shrugged a bit. 

“Oh one of them? Are there many?” She smiled, flipping the page.

“I think the question should be if you have any flaws” he said, and her eyes flicked back to his. 

They were now sitting so close that their faces were less then a foot apart. “I think we both know that’s bullshit.” She said 

“To you maybe” his eyes flickered to her lips momentarily. 

“I always catch you doing that” she teased, smiling a bit. 

“Doing what?” He asked, his eyes meeting hers again. 

“I dunno…staring at me..like..” she looks at his lips for a long moment before meeting his gaze once again. 

“Why do you think?” He asked quietly. 

“There are alot of things I can’t seem to figure out about you…Carmy” she said just above a whisper. 

“Well what do you want to know. I’m uh…trying to be more open.” He said equally as soft. 

“Do you know why I really came here?” She asked 

“Because you saw the fuckin drawing, somehow.” He smiled a bit. 

“Yes” she chuckled “but- it just..it kinda confirmed something for me I dunno- I just wanted to come check if maybe-“ 

She’s interrupted by his lips on hers, she was surprised at first, but of course didn’t pull away. He cupped her cheek gently, his thumb rubbing over her supple skin. 

The way their lips moved together was natural, like they’d done this already a thousand times in a hundred lives. His nose gently nudges hers and she wraps her fingers in his dirty blonde curls, tugging gently how she’d fantasized so many times. 

He slid his tongue over her plump bottom lip, humming softly when she opened her mouth at the contact. His hands were nearly shaking. His entire body felt like it was exploding with tiny fireworks underneath his skin. 

The air between them both felt as if it was crackling with electricity. As if the universe was humming in approval that they had finally accepted their bond. 

Sydney had never felt anything so right. She felt as if every stress in her life evaporated, as if her and Carmy were the only 2 people in the world. She felt like she was glowing from the inside out.  “T’make sure I wanted t’do that…right?” He said softly when she pulled away. 

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙

#carmen berzatto #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #the bear fic #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto fanfiction #the bear #carmy berzatto fanfiction #the bear fanfiction #carmen berzatto fluff #sydcarmy fanfiction #sydcarmy fic #sydcarmy for life #syd x carmen #sydney x carmen #sydney x carmy #carmen x sydney #syd x carmy #carmy x sydney #sydcarmy #sydney adamu #the bear carmen #carmen berzatto the bear fanfiction #carmy berzatto smut #carmy the bear #carmy smut #sydcarmy fanfic #sydxcarmy fanfiction #sydxcarmy fic #Sydney x carmy fic

[punkeropercyjackson]

Spiderband groupchat headcanons but it's based off my bio siblings and friends who're teenagers that i also consider my younger siblings because Y'all Do Not Know How To Write Teens

It's called 'Websters Declassified'

It was Margo's idea to start it obviously

Miles already had a groupchat app that she used for her family but the rest of the band except Gayatri had to install them-Gwen and Miles G DID have one but she took it off because she only ever used it with 65 Peter and she had multiple meltdowns looking through their messages so she forced herself to out of mental safety and he smashed his phone in agonized sadness after finding out about Jefferson so all the data on it was lost

Gayatri has an additional old one she uses for school friends since she's so popular and dosen't want to fuck up and accidentally send Spiderwoman stuff to them

The layout of it has a notebook theme and is popular among black people thanks to it containing various exclusive black stickers and emojis and that's why Miles and Margo both use it

Hobie's a bit of a grandpa when it comes to technology because of being from the 70s and not having been at Spider Society for that long so he had a hard time communicating in it at first,not helped by his cockney

Peni is reverse where she considers it slighty obselete thanks to her futuristic world but in a charming shaking her head 'This old thing' way(Just like she does with Noir /hj)

Their icons are:Miles-a black/blasian edit of Orihime Inoue,Gwen-A random picture of a half eaten pink cupcake she took,Peni-A lesbian flag meme,Pavitr-Bugs Bunny,Hobie-A black/blasian edit of Ichigo Kurosaki to match Miles(They are LITERALLY black4black Ichihime),Gayatri-Bugs Bunny but in one of her fem outfits,Margo-Nessa from Pokemon with a pink filter and Miles G-A cartoony drawing of a black kid with braids

They use it almost every day and night-It actually messed up a few of their sleep schedules but they fixed them again when it started going too far by reminding the other to go to sleep because they love them and deserve good health

Gwen sends them her audio files,either as gifts by covering their favorite songs or just to try out how a new song sounds

Pavitr violently falls over from so much bouncing with his phone getting the brunt of it SO many times but it's somehow always completely intact despite having no special protection

It's where Miles came out to them after her egg cracked but she did because they were all sitting together physically so she'd have them there to comfort them as she sobbed in a big flurry of different emotions

The other girls then start sending her transfem memes on a regular basis and Miles G is actually the one who made her her Orihime pfp

They tried to have movie nights but the collective audhd proved to be too much so they just have normal ones

It's incredibly active and a mixed ass bag,one second they be talking about Spiderjunk,the next someone's venting to the point you can feel them shaking through their texts and then they're discussing the history of legos

Peni's the one who most uses it in class and had a special mini comic where she got it back from her principal and didn't learned her lesson at the end

Since Miles uses kamojis,Margo is a gifs addict

They learned a lot about eachother cultures,more than ever

Selfies sending is a pretty regular thing

Miles G was more hesitant to start using his app again than Gwen since his was actually the same but he prowlered through and now it's a healthy and stable part of his life

Gayatri looks for wholesome videos to show all of them

"MARGO,GIVE ME YOUR PHONE"-Hobie at least twice a day

Gwen and Margo are an e-couple in the sense that they act exactly like girlfriends in it but are in denial irl

Hobie randomly infodumps in it once he gets the hang of it and takes up Miles' kamoji usage but only the smug/bitchy ones

Their usernames are mostly just their names but with a special twist to give them personality-Miles is her name with a sunflower next to it,Pavitr has a sparkles emoji and Miles G has his in that edgy font.But Margo is 'Margo Thee Byte',Gayatri is 'The Ungwen' as a reference to 'The Undead' and for irony,Hobie is 'What are you?A cop?',Peni is 'Pastel Genesis Evangelion' and Gwen is just an assortment of pink emojis

Rio:Mija?Are you texting a boy? Miles,texting Hobie:Technically yes but also literally no

Margo gets them to be on her streams and Miles ends up making her own channel and her fans nearly broke her comments section when Hobie made his first apperance(Tragic day for weird ass Miles fanboys)

Gwen and Peni start rubbing off on eachother,like Peni starting to love her kind of music and Gwen starting to get blunter

Pavitr is the most slang knowledgable and this is thanks to Gayatri-He surpassed the best there is

Miles and Hobie did the 'At Dairy Queen with my Dairy King' meme once but the picture wasn't them at Dairy Queen,it was them chilling with mutated cows they'd saved and they didn't even get the food at Dairy Queen,Hobie cooked them copies because fuck capitalism

#spiderband #miles morales #gwen stacy #peni parker #pavitr prabhakar #hobie brown #gayatri singh #margo kess #margo tag #miles g morales #punkflower #ghostbyte #t4t punkflower #t4t ghostbyte #transfem miles #mirasol morales #black gwen stacy #lesbian peni parker #spiderladdoo #transmasc genderfluid margo #atsv #spiderman #team dad hobie #unlabeled hobie brown #kidcore!miles morales #pastel punk miles morales #miles gets the princess treatment #trans 4 trans and autistic 4 autistic found family realness #💌 #summerposting

[hiraeth-witch-11]

Into the Unknown

Billy Russo x Reader

Warnings: Billy Russo, murderous thoughts, mentioned gun

Word Count: 700ish

“Let me get this straight. You’re from another universe where I exist as a fuckin’ fictional character and you’ve come here to change that story’s endin’? Is that right?”

“Yes, I know it’s far fetched-”

“It’s bullshit is what it is. Prove it. Tell me somethin’ only I would know.”

This was such a bad idea. “I have the feeling you might shoot me if I tell you some of the things I know about you.”

“I promise not to shoot you ‘til I’ve heard you out. How ‘bout that, sweetheart?” This man is so much scarier in real life. He’s grinning like a shark.

“I know about Arthur and how you hate being called pretty and your addict mom and Project Cerberus and Agent Orange and Kandahar and what happened to Frank Castle’s family.”

“No shit.” He gives a surprised bark of a laugh. “You were right, that does sound like somethin’ I would shoot you for. Maybe you’re just a spy.”

“Why the fuck would a spy come here unarmed with this sorta reasoning? I have some things on my phone that might help, can I reach for it?”

Billy nods and you pull out your phone. It’s no longer connected to your world, but everything you had open on it is still open. Including Pinterest with quite a few of Billy Russo’s pictures, AO3, and Tumblr. You pull up the pictures first. Ones from when he was overseas and ones of Rawlins.

“How the fuck do you have this?” He snatches the phone from you and starts scrolling.

“I told you. In my world, you are a TV show character. These are from that show and look, these are stories people made based off that show.” You show him a couple tabs left open on your phone, thankfully with some of the more tame fanfics.

“How does it end? My story?” He asks

“It doesn’t end well. But, I want to help. I want to change it.”

“Why? Say I believe all this,” he gestures to your phone and you. “Why would you help me knowing what you know?”

“You’ve had a shit life and done some terrible things, but I think even someone like you deserves someone purely on their side.”

“I’m guessin’ I wasn’t the hero of your show.”

“No, you weren’t.”

“Then who was?”

You hesitate. 

“I’m not going to shoot you, sweetheart.”

“I think you’re going to be upset if I tell you some of the details.”

“Tell me.”

“Frank Castle, he’s the protagonist.”

“And what role do I play? I don’t have a good ending and I'm not the hero. What am I then?”

“You know what you did, Billy. What do you think?” Maybe antagonizing the homicidal narcissistic sociopath isn’t a good idea.

“I think it’s in your best interest to tell me everything you know, now,” he growls and you try not to shrink backwards.

You shake your head, standing your ground. “You’ll kill me if I do that. I’m more useful to you alive, a lot of things happen or will happen in New York that you don’t know about. Besides, it’s more than just what I know, I’ve seen enough to be able to read some of these people. I can help even when things change.”

He cocks his head at you and you know him well enough to see him thinking about killing you, or torturing and then killing you. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea. Maybe you should have tried to find Frank and spin things in a way to keep Billy alive. Maybe you should have gone to any of the number of vigilantes in the city. But you had appeared in front of Anvil. You knew you had the chance to change things and you took it. Hell, maybe you are just dreaming and if he kills you, you’ll wake up.

“I’ll deal with you later, I have a meeting to get to. If you really are on my side, you will wait here and not touch anything until I get back. Am I clear?”

“Yes,” you say. Before he leaves, you blurt out just to cover your bases, “Don’t trust Rawlins. He just drags you into messes and makes you clean up after him. He’s more likely to kill you than help you if he thinks you’re a loose end.”

“I know, sweetheart, but thanks for the concern.” Billy smiles at you, without murder in his eyes this time, and leaves you alone in his office, wondering if you’ve made the right call.

@kayhi808

#billy russo x reader #the punisher #fix it fic #slow burn

[lovetositinsilence]

How About a Slice of Pie?

The day Loki realized he was in love with Mobius while eating a disgusting slice of pie.

Loki x Mobius Words: 1,132 Tags: not sure how to tag this, it's just a self-indulgent cute thing, really. Loki is recovering from traumas. He also really wants to kiss Mobius. But we're not there yet. Just Loki thinking a lot Notes: just a little introspective piece about Loki's thoughts after the " Come on, you're the God of Mischief". I haven't been writing for a long time but I couldn't get his smile out of my head. This is the first time I post a fanfic here so I hope you'll enjoy this too <3

“Well, come on.” Mobius leaned a bit closer to Loki. “You’re the God of Mischief!”

Loki tilted his head and put the softest smile on. He needed to be reminded from time to time that he was, in fact, the God of Mischief. The one God those old myths and tales talked about, one of the most powerful deities in the Norse pantheon, one who was prayed to, feared, and admired. There was a voice in his head – and many more outside, but he didn’t struggle to ignore them as much – that did everything in its power to make him forget this. Being a loser was easier than trying to convince everyone and himself of being capable of more.

With his divine nature came the inevitable consequence of doing harm. It was just something X-5 – now Brad, apparently – said to provoke him, Loki knew that, but it wouldn’t have burned as deeply in his soul if it wasn’t something he repeated to himself every single day like a mantra, a memento of what he did to Thor, to his mother, to all those people, and a constant warning of what he could do to Mobius and everyone who rashly chose to be near him. He knew Brad was right, but then why? Why did Mobius seem not to care?

Loki’s gaze didn’t move from the man across the table – on one hand as a tacit thank you, on the other for the inability to do so. He found an unfamiliar warmth in the icy blue eyes in front of him, almost addicting. Those eyes that lit up in excitement for the unfamiliar, that crinkled at the edges with the joy of exploration, that were always eager to know more. How could they belong to a man satisfied with a dull life in a barren place like that? Mobius blabbered about going to the sea and owning a jet-ski so many times that Loki assumed he wouldn’t have thought twice about giving up the monotony of the TVA to reclaim the life he was denied. And yet there he was, “thanking the guy who got him that pie”.

Did he mean Loki? Why would Mobius thank him of all people, after everything he had done? Loki was unredeemable. What he deserved was to be alone, not to eat a probably-not-edible pie he was pretending to be enjoying in the company of a man who was putting his future – if a “future” even existed at the TVA – in Loki’s hands. He shattered everything Mobius believed in, he showed him the truth, but at what cost? Did Mobius want to see what laid behind the perfect facade the TVA carved out with so much care? He’d never asked, nor did he ever apologize.

Loki’s eyes remained fixed on Mobius, those eyes full of respect and admiration and-

There was something else, wasn’t it?

It wasn’t knowing that the man in front of him put all his trust in someone who didn’t deserve any, it wasn’t understanding the frustration of letting emotions take the reins, it wasn’t even the fuzzy feeling that the subtle praise suddenly caused. It was something more, something warmer. Something that made that nauseating gelatinous pie a bit more bearable.

He had experienced something similar in the past, although not identical. It happened when he and Sylvie shared a blanket on Lamentis. The feeling of having someone close, who understands, who is ready to fight against the world simply because you are by their side. However, he soon realized that was not what Sylvie wanted. When she shoved him through that time door he felt once again the world he was arduously putting together crumble into pieces, his only certainty slipping from his hand like a dagger he couldn’t properly wield.

He called it love. Later, he realized that perhaps it was not the proper word. Sympathy, maybe. Affection. Understanding. What he loved about Sylvie were those parts of her that echoed his own: the despair and resentment for all those years of isolation, of anger, of failure. He wanted to show her that she deserved happiness, despite her worst mistakes.

He needed to love and to be loved, to heal from a life of indifference. But Sylvie couldn’t give that to him. She sought revenge at a level Loki had seen and experienced before, a level he wasn’t ready to face again. He learned to push that hunger aside for his own sanity because he knew what it did if allowed to feast on your grudges. It consumed you to your very being, a blind and merciless beast, insatiable, relentless even through death.

Despite it all, what he learned from his time with Sylvie was that his worst sides didn’t make him unworthy of love. Yet, it took time to recover from a thousand years of rejection, and the question tormented him: why would Mobius enjoy being around him? That he didn’t know. But one thing was for sure. He enjoyed being around Mobius.

He enjoyed not having to fret over his past, he enjoyed knowing he could show his true self and his power without scaring him off, he simply enjoyed talking to him.

Perhaps the word he earlier used improperly finally found its true meaning.

Love.

The last time he was asked about love he babbled about a dagger, some metaphorical nonsense that came to his mind on the spot to prove what a good orator he was. But maybe it wasn’t that dumb, maybe love really was like a dagger. One you need to learn how to use before losing your grip, and only once you’ve mastered it you get to choose whether to use it for good or evil.

Loki got to choose. He had a choice because he realized he was not unforgivable, he was not his father’s lies, he was not his worst mistakes. He could be a villain, but that wasn’t all. He realized he could be anything. He was not doomed.

He could be the hero of the story, he could even be a good brother one day, he could be trusted. Maybe he was capable of more.

Eventually, Loki returned to his dessert. While the pie obviously hadn’t changed on its own, Loki could have sworn it didn’t taste as bad as before. He might have just gotten used to it by that time, or maybe Mobius’ words sweetened it a little.

You’re the God of Mischief, he said. And Loki was pleased to be reminded.

Loki was the God of Mischief.

He now knew that he was capable of something surprising, enough to remind himself that he wasn’t condemned. Something his family had tried to teach him many times, but he was never able to learn.

He was capable of love.

#low key scared to post this hhh #loki #fanfic #loki fanfic #lokius #mobius #mcu #mcu fanfiction #fanfiction #loki fanfiction

[hell-drabbles]

After the recent companion angst, I just can't help but think about how companion would come back as something that's not quite angel but not quite devil either. I don't have any cool writings just some thoughts..

Since companion was in a friend group of three with Minhyeok and Ra-on. Companion seemingly being the odd one out with Minhyeok liking Ra-on, being a crucial part in giving Ra-on human energy and Ra-on being an important figure to the devils. Despite them being there to get Ra-on the respect he deserves, Ra-on would still be fine without them

So by coming back as an unusual combination, it would place them where they always have been the and will forever be until they die once more, someone who doesn't belong anywhere. Being by themselves, unable to join either side, not even going back to living as a human

I have a whole other section of this thought but I don't think it's what you're going for so I'll pause there

Oh? Please don't pause there, I like hearing people's thoughts and how they would develop the things I've written.

The Companion is 100% the odd one out with Minhyeok and Ra-on basically vanishing off into their own world the longer they stay around one another. But now they're apart and they really are forced to re-examine their own place in the world because of how much one influenced the other.

With the Companion being taken out of the picture, this version of Minhyeok and Ra-on can and will become worse.

Ra-on over here is letting himself dive deeper and deeper into Hell, basically getting so addicted to the indulgence of this place that he will not go back once all is said and done. He will end up struggling to even remember Minhyeok's name if he's there for long enough. This Ra-on has a very avoidant personality when it comes to things that bring him hurt, so, as time goes on, he starts thinking about Earth less and less. And, as such, he starts forgetting about his old home.

Though, this only starts happening when the Companion isn't there to screw his head on straight.

And Minhyeok... ah, oh boy. This version of Minhyeok starts retreating more and more from the outside world. Ppyong is about the only thing keeping his head on straight, but even then, it'll be made pretty obvious that he's still slipping. That he's losing touch with his friends. That he doesn't have any close friendships beyond the one he made with Ra-on. Even his friendship with the Companion has gotten weak when compared to Ra-on.

Rather than trying to move on with his life and simply let things be and get on that road to recovery, Minhyeok heavy dependence on Ra-on takes on a very emotional toll on him. Had the Companion been there, this would not be happening.

That being said, it would be wrong to say that the Companion is a therapist. They are not meant to act as a therapist, they are basically a role model for both Minhyeok and Ra-on. A flawed role model, but it's actually for the best that they are as flawed as they are, because that makes the Companion very human to them. If they were the perfect paragon of a person, the distance would be too wide for the friendship to ever recover from.

Anyways, I ramble like the whole angelification of the Companion was for a deliberate thematic purpose. It wasn't. I went down that path because I remembered that Ra-on and Minhyeok have a connection to the angels, as weak as it may be. Ra-on has been marked by an angel, Minhyeok was killed by an angel.

As such, Companion was transformed by an angel.

That's it. Nothing deeper, other than wanting more angst and suffering all around.

#admin #embittered companion au

[scooobies]

I'm a year clean and sober today. It's a weird feeling because not a moment has gone by that I haven't wanted to relapse or have a drink. But that girl feels so foreign compared to the woman I am now. The way I move through life the relationships I have the things I love have all shifted and changed.

I've said this a thousand times over but Nesta is so incredibly intertwined in that. Her book saved me.

I have had substance-abuse issues since I was 12 years old. I didn't have an education past sixth grade. I tried to get sober over and over again but never got more than a couple of days if that. Withdrawals are a bitch. I've overdosed more times than I can count I've looked death in the face and somehow survived. I've lost so many friends to the same addictions and wonder why it was me that got to make it out. I've spent a good portion of my life either in jail or in a hospital.

A year and a half ago was the worst overdose by far. I was found by chance practically dead. It was the closest call I have had. But unfortunately it wasn't what sparked that need to get sober. I was bedridden for a long time because of it. Had lots of surgeries and therapy for my body and my mind. And even though I was still abusing substances, I knew I needed to change my routine.

Other than fanfiction I was never really a reader. The hunger games series was the only set of books I ever opened without a gun to my head. A friend of mine one of the few that I would use with thats still around and is a piece of light in my life decided we needed hobbies that didn't involve a bottle of vodka and enough drugs to kill an elephant. I said that we should start a sober book club. I told her that I had been hearing about a series called acotar and that it was really popular. So we bought the books and the audiobooks to match and she read the books and I didn't. But she fell in love with it so deeply and never stopped hounding me about it that I finally gave in.

The world was so beautiful and some thing we all clearly fell in love with. A world that was so enveloping it was so easy to fall into. Maladaptive daydreaming or not it got me out of my head it was some thing that I was craving for once that wasn't harmful. And there was some thing about Nesta that pissed me off....but I liked it. She was cold and she was a bitch and she didn't give a fuck about anyone's feelings she said what everyone was thinking not necessarily in a way that was easy to take... but honest nonetheless. And then I got to silver flames.

My heart shattered for Nesta and I couldn't figure out why it was affecting me so much. And my therapist pointed out that our trauma presents in the same way. That our patterns of self deprecation and self harm were eerily similar. That our trauma wasn't palatable in the way that it was displayed which made it hard for people to empathize and help. That even if we got help we would reject it. That we both made so many mistakes and cannot change the fact that we have hurt the people around us. But that we are still humans (well one of us) who deserve love who deserve healing and cannot change what we've done and the hurt that we've caused but can decide that it will not happen again.

My body will never be the same. I'll never walk quite right  I'm losing my hearing more and more every year and eventually I will be deaf. My hands are basically paralyzed and in constant pain. My memory is horrible and it seems that I can only recall the things that cause me pain a lot of the time. Half of my face is paralyzed. And my vision is severely affected. And I will never be able to speak properly again. I have had every reason to give in. I have had every reason to give up. But, I am the rock against  which the surf crashes, nothing can break me. I owe nesta everything.

Celebrating life 🤍 sorry for the trauma dump

#ACOTAR #nesta is so precious to me #nesta #nesta archeron #a court of silver flames #acosf #nesta acosf #sobriety #sober #soberlife #clean and sober #one year sober #one year clean #pro nesta

[ackermansimper]

It's you

Word count: 0.8k (Levi x reader)

It's you - Ali Gatie

-Summary: You're the only person Levi could ever imagine loving and being loved by. He's been broken many times before but he puts his trust in you anyway to not leave him and stick by his side

It's you. The only person Levi could ever imagine trying to love in this broken world. It'd always be you. One of the first people he met when he came up to the surface. One of the only people who showed him compassion and didn't immediately judge him based on where he was from. Nobody was like you.

When he finally confessed to you over slurred and stuttering words, it was clear he wasn't sure. He loved you, he always acted a bit nervous around you despite beginning to climb the ranks and earn himself respect. Still though, he crumbled upon you. And the day you accepted his feelings didn't make it any better. He was beginning to warm up to you and was a bit more comfortable but he seemed afraid. Afraid you'd leave him or something.

It was like he was begging you not to each time he looked at you or changed his tone when you were around. How he lessened his insults and stayed more quiet around you. As if to mask his bluntness and rudeness everyone usually hated and judged him for.

He loved being with you though. Despite wanting to be better in your eyes and constantly wanting to falter his attitude and self for you, he enjoyed being with you. He liked being able to just hug you and not get any backlash. He liked being able to hold your hand. He liked the cheek kisses you'd give him, the head pats, hair ruffles, he liked it all.

But he's been broken before. The day his two friends died was what made him so afraid. Afraid you could leave or get killed by a Titan like his friends. Then he'd be alone again. He didn't wanna get too used to all your affection for that reason but it was addictive. He was addicted to your love but didn't want to. But just like any drug, he got withdrawals. The high of your love made him feel like he was on cloud nine but if he ever wanted to try challenging himself to stay away for a bit, prepare for the inevitably of your death, he couldn't. The fall was too hard.

That's what initially made him to decide to just be selfish and take as much as he could. To get all the love he could from you. At some point he didn't care who was watching. He hated PDA yet always had to be holding your hand. He doesn't want to be broken though. You could leave, find someone else better than him. You could get yourself in danger and die. He was gonna be greedy and keep himself from breaking that way. He was delicate. Had to take care of himself and be selfish. He couldn't let himself break anymore than he already had.

He didn't wanna open up to you at first. To have the people who know your deepest darkest secrets quite literally take it to the grave was terrifying to him. That's how it was with them. With Furlan and Isabel. They died with his secrets. They died as the closest people to him. He didn't want to be open with you. But he couldn't help himself and soon you were the person who knew him best. The person who only needed a glance to know if he was uncomfortable, upset, angry, joyed. He didn't wanna be open and then find out your love wasn't real.

Levi knows all too well that he shouldn't be with you. He knows that. You deserve better than him. You deserve someone not so greedy that they constantly stick by you. You deserve someone who isn't so unstable with themselves. Someone who can be their real self around you. He can't even tell if he's faking it or not anymore. When with you he's more quiet, his attentions on you. His coldness seemes to melt around you. He's more talkative as long as it's you talking to him. He tries harder to be in the conversation if you're in it. He tries harder for your attention and almost forgets about the normal insulting comments he'd usually throw around.

He knows his past speaks for itself but he's so happy you didn't judge him on it. That might be why he's trying to distance himself from it a bit. Maybe he's a bit scared that everyone's first opinion of him was right and you'll realize it soon too. Maybe he doesn't wanna be left again with history repeating itself. He doesn't wanna be abandoned by will or by not. He just wants you by his side.

Because it's you. The love of his life. The only one he wants to try for. The only one he needs approval and love from.

♥ Thank you for reading ♥

#levi ackerman #levi x reader #levi x y/n

[sandeoki]

His to protect pt.4

summary: Y/N a hero, loved and respected by all. Seonghwa a villain, feared and frowned upon by all. both have been enemies ever since they can remember but what happens if Y/N appears at Seonghwa's doorstep at the middle of the night, all bloody and bruised?

t.w: self harm, mention of drowning, yandere!seonghwa, a lot of manipulation, etc.

taglist: @atinyreads

the air was thick. so thick that she could cut it with the knife she was currently holding in her frail hands. her body leaning against the bathroom sink looking over the shell of what once was a happy girl in the mirror.

her once glittering eyes had lost their shine. her healthy cheeks were now sunken. there were tears running down her cheeks and blood seeping out of the wounds she inflicted on herself.

she knew what she did was wrong and Seonghwa would be angry at her for hurting herself but she couldn't help it. she constantly felt like she was drowning.

everytime she tried to resurface to gasp for air, there was an unknown entity pulling her back down, telling her she didn't deserve it.

she didn't deserve to breathe. not after her family basically disowned her for something she didn't do. not after her loved ones believed someone else over her. not after the whole world hated her.

she was underwater and the pain she inflicted on herself was the only thing keeping her from drowning completely.

it was addicting. it was like light to a moth. she knew it was killing her, but oh the relief she felt with every cut she made. it was so wrong, yet it felt so right.

the guilt didn't let her enjoy the euphoric feeling for long though. it always caught up to her and left her broken once again. the high was always crashed by a soul braking low that left her whimpering.

the sound of the main door opening brought her out of her trance. she hid the knife below the sink and scurried out of the bathroom after pulling a sweatshirt on and splashing her face with water.

y/n quickly sat on her bed, grabbing a book from her side table and pretending to be invested in it. she knew Seonghwa would be making his way upstairs to check on her any minute now.

he always did this, as soon as he entered the house, the first thing he did after removing his shoes and washing his hands was making sure she was alright.

no matter how tired he was or how much his legs ached, he always climbed the stairs leading to her room to make sure she was alright.

today wasn't any different either. she could hear his footsteps outside her door. a small smile graced her chapped lips. she loved it when he took care of her. he made her feel loved.

the door soon opened as Seonghwa let himself in, looking at the girl he loved with nothing but pure adoration.

"How's my little hero doing today?"

she chuckled sadly at the nickname. oh how she wishes she was still the hero she once was.

"Hero? more like traitor if you ask the world"

Seonghwa's brows furrowed with worry after hearing the love of his life sound so distressed. he knew telling her that everyone hated her would have some consequences but he never imagined it would be so bad.

he was aware that she had been struggling with the news but he didn't know the actual extent of it. though her constant weight loss and lack of energy did give him a brief idea.

"You said it yourself love, 'if you ask the world'. who cares what a bunch of low lives have to say about you? I know you didn't do anything. no matter what anyone says, you will always be my little hero. mine. mine to love and mine to protect. "

his voice was soft as he gently picked her up and sat her down on his lap, leaving a kiss on the crown of her head before cupping her jaw to make her face him.

"This world is full of bad people, my love. they will always judge you, no matter what you do. but not me, I will never judge you, because I love you. I am the only one in this cruel world that cares for you, my little hero. all the other people are just trying to use you, they don't love you, not like I do."

this led the wall which y/n had made around herself to break. it broke and the the tears trapped inside escaped. the velocity of the tears was high as sobs wrecked her body. leaving her broken in his grasp.

he cooed at her frail form as he cupped her jaw once again, looking down at her with eyes full of love and something darker which she couldn't comprehend.

"It's okay little hero, let it all out your savior is here now"

oh if only she knew how contradictory that statement was. if only she knew the smirk on his lips screamed trouble in 25 different languages. if only she knew just how doomed she was. if only she knew.

#che.rry ateez #ateez #ateez imagines #ateez yandere #yandere! seonghwa #hero x villain #villain! seonghwa #ateez x reader #ateez fic #hero! reader

[fichtfoxfuchs]

001 for vom x campi if it's not late 👁️✨👁️

IT'S NEVER LATE MY FRIEND

AND I LOVE YOU FOR THE SHIP ASK !!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH

OH I AM GOING TO ENJOY THIS ONE !!!!!!!

SO

About Campino and Vom 👀

When I started shipping if I did : I can't do dates so...

I believe it was frankly early after I got into DTH. Vom was my bias from the beginning, and Campino was growing on me, and when I learned that Campino got his British second nationality, I just fell in love with the concept of them dating XD

My thoughts : It's really, really predictable, but...

I LOVE THEM. SO MUCH. THEY FILL MY LIFE WITH LIGHT AND HAPPINESS AND I LOVE PICTURING THEM HAVING A BEAUTIFUL AND HAPPY LIFE TOGETHER AND THEY ARE MY PRIDE AND JOY. MY BABIES. MY GROWN ASS MEN BABIES. I LOVE THEM AND I WOULD GIVE THEM MY LIFE (especially to Vom)

What makes me happy about them : Oh lord...

Everything. I love them young, I love them old, but the thing that just gets me is the idea of them enjoying their older days, receiving Campi's son at home and he treats Vom like a second father. I love the idea of them hugging each other to sleep, I love their height difference and Campi taking advantage of it, I love the idea of them taking care of each other, everything. Absolutely EVERYTHING.

What makes me sad about them : This time, it's going to focus on my headcanons for them.

But yeah, Campi struggling with his addiction and Vom trying his best to help him and accept things as they are, Campino's struggle to accept the fact that he is attracted to men, Vom feeling inadequate and not enough when he is in fact the driving force of the relationship. I love my ships to be full of drama, and I have no one to blame but myself when I cry writing things down because I am the one who made the relationships full of drama to begin with XD I really like the irony of Campino eventually struggling with the fact he is attracted to men when he is one of the queerest icon I have XD Just makes things spicier, am I right? XD

Things done in fanfics that annoys me : None

Because there aren't lots of fanfics about them to begin with XD And I am one to blame XD But yeah, I sadly struggle to write anything, even more about DTH so... I'm trying, but I take it slowly because I don't want to burn myself out, but at the same time, I wanna write... Wonderful life the one of a writer, am I right? x)

Things I look for in fanfic : EVEYRYTHING

PEOPLE

WRITE DTH FICS PLEASE

ABOUT CAMPINO AND VOM

MAKE THEM VERY LOVING AND VERY HAPPY OR WRITE LOTS OF DRAMA WITH AN HAPPY ENDING OR SPICY THINGS OR TENDER THINGS. I DON'T CARE. I WANNA SEE THEM HAPPY AND JOYFUL AND GROW OLD TOGETHER AND HAVING LOTS AND LOTS OF JOY AND TEARS OF JOY AND LOTS OF LOVE. They deserve it. They deserve all the love of the world.

Who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other :

Campino -> Andi

Vom -> Andi

Can you tell I love Andi?

No disrespect toward Kuddel and Breiti, but my second OTP is Andi/Kuddel, and I just don't see Kuddel with anyone else than Andi, so... Yeah. And while I love reading about every single possible ship, I have my own biases, and they SHOW.

My happily ever after for them : OH LORD

Campino's son having children of his own and they visit them and they get to be actual grandpas, and when Campino looks at Vom playing with the kids, he just sighs at the scene because he loves his husband and he loves his life. Them married. Them living together.

Who is the big/little spoon : I'm so predictable...

VOM AS THE LITTLE SPOON AND I WON'T TAKE ANY QUESTION.

What is their favorite non-sexual activity : Hihi :3

Vom laying on the couch, his head on Campino's laps, and Campino singing mindlessly. He just loves listening to Campi singing, and he sometimes just spends hours doing so at home, because Campino is really careful about his voice and tries to practice safely as much as possible. They'd sometimes do acoustic jam session with an acoustic case for Vom, and he would stop playing out of the blue with how in love he is with Campi's voice. Vom isn't one to do rehearsals for pleasure, but it's the only case where he jams enjoyably.

Thank you so much for the ask once again ! It made me so happy to receive it, as I frankly wasn't expecting this ship (just like I wasn't expecting getting an ask about Puzzle Punk and I was the happiest man on Earth to answer it XD)

#answering hueskoria #shipping content #die toten hosen #Campino/Vom

[unboundndd]

Self indulgent stuff from my notes, enjoy!

//Tag: kinda yandere, stockholm syndrome if you squint, violence (not towards reader), fluff, mentions of intrusive thoughts

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·- Wondering how yandere!Yone would behave with a gentle/obedient reader. How he archived such obedience and control over you? Scare tactics work pretty well with you, he always tells you all these terrifying stories about azakanas and the things that would have happened to those unfortunate enough to meet them if he wasn't there to save them. The scars on Yone's face and the ones he conceals under his bandages are proof that these beings are powerful and you'd have no way of surviving against one without his help.

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·- He’ll never, ever admit it but every word and action of yours has an effect on him. At first he wanted to stay as far away as possible from you, it was his way of protecting you but even that ended up alimenting his obsession for you more and more. Since he accepted his feelings for you and has let you closer to him the more insecure parts of his character have started surfacing, he'll get scared he won't be able to care for you or that you'll get hurt because of him. He tends to isolate when his thoughts are becoming more and more suffocating.

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·- The more time you spend with him the more you notice when his behavior starts to shift, it's all about the small things: Yone will generally look tense, to the point where he'll complain that his shoulder or neck muscles hurt, he usually is able to sit completely still without too much effort so you're able to notice when his finger doesn't stop tapping onto the closest flat surface or he's unable to do tasks that require a particularly steady hand. When you try to do something to alleviate his tension his heart will melt, he feels immediately reassured and like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders and won't complain too much if you force him to get into bed to rest and shove a warm cup of tea into his hands to help him relax.

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·- Yone will try not to make it too obvious but he will spoil you because of how good you are to him, you are genuinely doing your best to not make him worry: only go out very rarely and with him next to you, cut off contact with the people he told you were dangerous... sure you live a bit of an isolated life with few friends you don't see very often but in Yone's mind he is keeping you away from danger and people who will want to take you away from him. You almost forget what the nearest town looks like because of how rarely Yone accepts to bring you there, he despises the way people look at him so he always stays in the shadows and watches you talk to people without a care in the world.

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·- Yone will always be the most critical of his nature, neither a man nor a demon but something in between that shouldn't even exist, cursed to live in a plane along beings that will always discriminate him no matter what. He knows he can't give you the normal, happy life you deserve but he also cannot fathom letting you go. You're the only one who was able to look past the mask, to see him as a person and to give him back the humanity that he was losing trough the isolation and fear from the ones he was supposed to protect. His obsession with you derives from that, he is addicted to the way you love and treat him and nobody will take you away from him.

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·- He can be very jealous! With how insecure he is abou everything that has to do with himself it’s imperative that there’s alarm bells going off in his head the moment he feels threatened. He keeps calm of course, because you’re not at fault for attractng all kinds of people who are unaware that you're his and only his. All those repressed feelings will have to go somewhere and despite him, never having gone as far as killing someone who is bothering you he can be violent. You forget about how intimidating Yone can be when you’re the only one blessed with seeing his gentle, bashful side. The friendly man at the shop might not be this lucky though, Yone will execute his plan as soon as he knows you're safe and far away and the poor man will be so terrified to never talk to you ever again.

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·- You don’t know what happened behind the scenes but are kind of upset that the person that was so eager to talk to you all the time you were at the shop will now ignore you as if you were a ghost. In Yone's eyes you're too naive and trusting to understand what that man's intentions were and so he had to intervene to teach him a lesson. He knows you are loyal to him and would have told the man off if he had been more explicit in his advances towards you, there are so many things that could have gone wrong though, you could have gotten hurt or worse... just thinking about it makes Yone's mind spiral...

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·- Despite being so dedicated towards you and you happiness he isn’t perfect. He can be so skillful with his words, saccharine and tender when talking to or about you yet has huge issues when he tries to communicate certain things, especially his feelings. It can be hard for you to read Yone and when something is bothering him you never know if it was you who did something wrong or if it's just a bad day.

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·- For you it makes no sense how he can go from his usual self to an even more quiet man, his expression looks almost scary when he’s so lost in what is making him feel bad in the first place. The reality is that it’s hard for him to keep his emotions in place, things he thought were long in his past sometimes resurface and all the memories from his past life flood back in. Occasionally the guilt of those he wasn't able to save haunts him: he wasn't able to help his brother when he most needed it, instead being influenced by the honor he would lose by doing so. It's hard to re live these events and even if Yone puts on an unreadable face there's so much turmoil in his mind.

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·- You learnt quickly that asking what’s wrong will not bring you far, Yone will either give you the silent treatment or tell you to leave him alone in a way that comes off as far meaner than he expected. You always tell yourself it’s not because of you but sometimes it gets to you, thinking that you’re being a burden to him or that maybe you should have done something different to help him.

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·- Sometimes Yone thinks that allowing you to get this close to him was a mistake, he could never cope if something bad ever happened to you because of him , maybe it was better if he kept protecting and watching you from afar. You being so determined on taking care of him even in harsher situations proved that you didn't want him to go anywhere, for you he was the gentle and protective hunter who would defend you from all the evil in the world and not some kind of demon who deserved to be banished.

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·- Even though you might go to bed with tears prickling from your eyes you won’t be alone for long: Yone will quietly join you after a while, which is uncommon because he doesn’t need to sleep anymore and only keeps you company if you ask him to. He’ll kiss your tears away with the same gentleness you’ve fallen in love and with and his voice murmuring gentle apologies against your skin. This always lulls you to sleep so easily and you relaxed body will eventually give in and curl into Yone's arms, finally able to rest and reassured that he'll be always there to watch over you.

#porcaputtana quanto ho scritto #lol x reader #yone x reader #i started this like 7 months ago so i had to rewrite half of it ughhh

[elliotsghost]

Tw:

"i love my mental illness" except for the fact that I irreversibly fucked up my whole life, my future, destroyed myself trying to 'fit in' and now having no control over my life.

I cannot hold a conversation without feelings anxious, thus I have to prepare in my head all the possible response the other person might give me and think in less than a second to what answer I should give them. Over and over for every single conversation I have, no matter with who.

I have no friends; I can count on one hand how many times I've left my house during the whole summer.

I tricked my brain into thinking that I deserve all the pain and suffering I go through and it's not even enough, because people have it worse so I'm not allowed to complain about how I feel. Also, no one cares.

I even make myself worse on purpose, falling again into the addiction of sh, sleepless nights and the need to check how much I eat in a day.

I've been made insecure and now I'm trapped in my own thoughts, I can't wear anything without pointing out things about my body that people might judge. Because there are people who look better than me, who don't have the defects that I have and cannot hide.

This is also why I had to come to the conclusion that I am unlovable, I don't feel any kind of love and can't picture anyone ever experiencing such feelings for me.

To not talk about intrusive thoughts, how I would end up in jail or an asylum where no one would even care to give me the medical assistance that I need, if I ever do as my thoughts say.

Losing hair because of anxiety, I won't pass a hand through my hair because of the fear of seeing more and more hair on my palm each time.

The hate and disgust I feel whenever I remember that I'm being perceived, that I simply exist and the loss I feel inside of me, the hatred I experienced when I'm not acknowledged.

When I just got accepted into university and I could do my dream course but I decided to drop out because the fear of failure was stronger than my will to study. The self-sabotaging all my life, because I don't deserve anything nice to happen to me.

Blaming myself for anything.

The desire to smash my head against any surface so that my brain could just shut up.

Looking at my hands and feeling like a stranger in my own body, trapped underneath the skin. I end up scratching myself or worse to feel like I'm releasing myself into the world.

Costant shit talking about myself any time I do anything, cus I'm not doing it good enough.

Forgetting everything.

Being so unreasonably angry out of nowhere to everything and anyone for no reason at all.

Not recognizing your own body when you look into the mirror.

Feeling like a stranger every day, all the time.

Dissociating anytime I don't fill my brain with hatred thoughts.

Not being able to even get out of the bed some mornings.

The lack of self-care and hygiene, I sometimes go months without brushing my teeth, even showering is so fucking hard that the max I can do is just wash my hair.

Not being able to talk and needing to go non verbal because I'm afraid of anything that could come out of my mouth.

Being jealous of anything that receives more attention than me.

Hiding in plain sight.

Judging each one of my moves.

#mental health #mental illness #actually mentally ill #“i love my mental illness” shut the fuck up #self h@rm #self h@te #tw #kids need to be taught what mental illness is actually like #my mental illness is not a quirky trait #body dysmorphia #body dysphoria #dissociation #lack of sleep #lack of motivation #anger issues

[archonsabyss]

no but sunghoon though 😏 first of all, beautiful beauty marks on him~ second of all, style and grace from his ice skater days def carried over. third of all!!! he's constantly buffering like iconic king behavior! but also he's so funny and kind. i too am a victim of homie hopping and i don't mind; sunghoon is def the prince we need in these trying times 🥰

like i had to think about why haven't i noticed heeseung before it's because he looked too baby for me. which is rich considering sunoo has ALWAYS looked baby, but a different kind of baby? like babygirl baby is not the same as baby baby. babes what am i even saying D: but yes, i am looking at heeseung reels and photos, consuming so much heeseung headcanons like HORRENDOUSLY down bad c: i love it tehehe~

it's so funny how you said to wash my hair bc that day you replied i was in desperate need of a wash day ಥ_ಥ but yes pls take care of yourself~ a little goes a long way

babes blade's banner came and went! tbh i thought about pulling for him, as i use him as support for calyxes and echo of war. but... i have too many destruction characters, and what i really need is a better lightening character. i swear whether is genshin or hsr i always need a better lightening!! 〴⋋_⋌〵i'm skipping the current banner to save for acheron. also penacony has been so much fun to play!

awww babes (✿ ♥‿♥) i'm just giving you the bare minimum~ your works are divine, illustrious, engaging, and so so sooooo beautiful. i've been around fanfics for awhile now but none has captured my heart the way yours have. you truly deserve the world babe <3

okay and!!! your recent l&ds work!!!!! why am i barking!! i don't even know these men!!!!! how did you do it!!!! what did you say, "The whimpers that escape your lips are like the melodic notes produced by strumming a guitar and the hands that orchestrate you are as adept and efficient as the music they craft." like POETRY BABES I WILL NEVER LIE the words you use! the story they create!!!! i squeal!!!!!!! downloading the game right MEOW!

₊⊹ Sunghoon is literally perfect. He embodies the feeling of a kdrama moment. What I mean is when time stands still, hair tousled by the breeze, the gleaming sun's warmth radiating perfectly, and your heart fluttering with that giddy feeling. But also his personality, he's probably the only (bias) I bias that is alot like me. Loud introverts! He's just so fun and chill and comforting I really can't express it. Tho, him and San both make me want to run into their arms, hug them and never let go. They look like the give amazing hugs.

I totally understand, Hee stood out the second he entered frame for me but I think it was also heavily because of his singing. Sometimes a member only really capture ur attention later on, like at the right moment. What ur experiencing rn is exactly what I'm going through with sunghoon. Ive always noticed him or knew him by name and face, but only after blessed cursed era did I start having complications with biasing. Since then, it's been a constant back and forth. I start watching every sunghoon clip I could get my hands on! Edits, fics.. Devoured. ENJOY it hehe❤️

I LOVE DESTRUCTION characters🤭 I love things that go boom and bang!! (like Caleb) I need to play hsr! Ur hyping me up towards it

If I deserve the world, just know you're right there within it! Only reason I'd ever accept my own world is to create a safe haven and comforting home for people like you! Us together.

I feel ur a destructive character of ur own because my heart... All ur compliments are going straight to my head and heart, an arrow hitting its mark and a wound open and oozing. I'VE always thought poetry was absolutely beautiful and magnificent so I love trying to incorporate pieces! And getting a response like this makes it all the more worth it. I'M GLAD I GOT U HAHAHA. But I'm struggling sm with addiction I need to go on a serious break 🙌

#₊⊹ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖⭒✮ abyss inbox 📩 #₊⊹ @princ3ss-world⊹₊ #love and deepspace #enhypen #hsr