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polyklok · 1 year

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When they’re down bad

Dethklok and their massive, throbbing crush. You can interpret this as and xReader, xOC, or even towards each other idk I don’t make the rules.

Nathan Explosion

Unlike the other members, Nathan has had experience with actual girlfriends (rather than just flings) before, and so can identify the difference between attraction and actual romantic interest pretty quickly.

But he’s still a total idiot about it. He basically hasn’t developed his flirting style since high school; he hasn’t needed to. He’s famous! So, he just sorta forces himself into their attention all the time. He purposely bumps into them, asks to borrow random things, always stands or sits next to them. He just wants to constantly be around them.

He tries to start conversations too but, my god, he’s so awkward! They’ll be sitting in silence together and he just shouts “MAN, THIS WEATHER IS CRAZY.” While it’s been perfectly sunny for three days straight. BTW, he’s always yelling around his crush. It’s partly because he’s nervous, partly because he’s trying to assert his “dominance” (he doesn’t have any)

He tries to drop not-so-subtle hints about his feelings. Like, there will be a couple in public, clearly on a very romantic, cheesy date and he’ll be like “THAT LOOKS FUN, WE SHOULD DO THAT SOMETIME” to his crush. Or if there’s a kissing scene in a movie, he squeezes their hand or something. Just, out of the blue.

In general, he’s pretty obvious and is sort of a disaster, but it’s cute and oddly charming. 7/10 because I suddenly decided I’m ranking them

Pickles The Drummer

If Nathan was a disaster, he’s the end of the world

He desperately tries to play himself up in front of his crush, specifically trying to seem more classy and sophisticated, which are two things Pickles is not. He’s the kind of guy to try to be suave and lean up against a wall and then immediately eat shit, falling to the floor.

He likes to talk around his crush but never to his crush, ya’know? Like, if they are in a room, he’ll speak all loudly to a group about how cool he is and all the things he’s done. But in a one-on-one convo, he’s literally shaking and sweating and nodding along like his brain isn’t in full panic mode (it is). Because he physically can stand how gorgeous his crush is and how obsessed he is with them.

He’ll probably try to drink more than usual to calm his nerves, but it really makes it worse. Cause now he’s a bumbling idiot who’s only talking about how ‘damn pretty’ they are and threatening to get into a fight with the bartender.

Eventually, he does calm down. And he gets to be his natural, funny and relaxed self around them. His heart still flutters, but the anxiety doesn’t consume him like it used to and he has a real conversation with his crush and it feels like he’s falling in love all over again.

Like in most situations, Pickles is kinda a wreck. But he needs time and the right amount of booze to be a pretty great guy, 6/10

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

Sound the fucking alarms because this Swedish whore has himself a crush. Seriously though, the realization hits him like a fucking truck. He’s just like, wow this person is hot and I like spending time with them and they have a great personality and they’re funny and they make me feel nice and HOLY FUCK

He gets so pissed. Like, genuine anger at himself and them and everyone else in the world because something is wrong. He can’t bring himself to take it out on them, so he just always scoffs and ignores them for weeks on end. But the whole time, they’re in his head. He feels all warm and fuzzy in more places than just his dick for once.

Eventually, he stops being just a baby and gives them a weird, half-assed apology his ego is still fragile, ok?! And starts flirting. Hard. Constantly praising their body and making unsubtle sexual innuendos, it’s the only thing he really knows how to do in this situation. God forbid they giggle or flirt back, because his face is gonna turn completely red and he’ll need to excuse himself for a 10-minute freak out.

Skwisgaar just feels so many strong emotions, and these new, affectionate ones are just kicking his ass. There’s a good chance that he gives up because he just can’t handle it. But, he might just persist and slowly open up and let them in.

He’s pretty much a noob for these sorts of things. He’s a sex god, not a Prince Charming. 3/10

Toki Wartooth

Toki is actually more passive when it comes to romantic feelings than you would expect; he can accept potential love interests as friends very easily. But once someone has embedded themselves in his brain as more than just a groupie or a good friend, my man is COMPLETELY ride or die

Doesn’t make any effort to hide it either. He gets all giggly around them, biting his lip, twirling his hair, kicking his feet. He’s seriously smitten and everyone can tell, including the crush. He won’t deny it either, “Of course I’s likes them! Who wouldn’ts?”

His wooing methods are completely cheesy as well. Like, leaving a large, lovey-dovey gift basket on their doorstep or writing awful poetry for them completely in Norwegian. In fact, he’s pretty much always getting them little gifts and they’re all genuine, even the stereotypical ones.

He also gets very, very touchy. Greeting them with hugs and holding hands and even little surprise kisses. He knows that they’re not technically dating, but he still sees them as his one and only, so he already begins cementing himself as their partner.

Although, if they don’t show any interest back, he’ll stop after a week or so simply because he gets bored easily. I’m not gonna sit her and act like he doesn’t have the patience of a four-year-old.

Man goes all in with his flirting but it fizzes out very quickly. 7/10

William Murderface

I was wrong about Pickles; THIS is the ultimate disaster. Poor guy really can’t take it, he’s so flustered and anxious and a bit furious at the whole situation. William is so fueled by hatred and hostility that he can’t fathom the fact that he genuinely likes someone and craves their love. For him, it feels like he’s gonna die without them and yet he refuses to go within a foot of them.

Most of the time, he just stares at them with his angry look on his face. If they ask what’s wrong, he just mumbles and walks away. But really, he gets so excited that they talked to him, even though he immediately fucked it up.

Maybe with some time, he can find a slightly better way to deal with his intense feelings. He mostly just needs to learn to relax and have some confidence, but those are both things he has never been good at. But, if he does manage do to so and have a conversation with them…it’s still pretty bad. He’ll stutter and stumble, walking on eggshells because he knows that he has a tendency to say stupid shit.

Even if the relationship doesn’t ever go anywhere, there’s a very good chance he’ll be this nervous around them for months, possibly years. If his crush manages to get the message and starts encouraging his ‘advances’, it’ll still be a while until he’s anything less than a wreck.

Someone please help Murderface, he’s dying out here. 2/10

Btw I wrote this last night and am posting it without much proofreading so sorry if it’s awful

#dethklok #metalocalypse #polyklok is real #william murderface #dethklok headcanon #metalocaypse headcanon #nathan explosion #toki wartooth #pickles the drummer #skwisgaar skwigelf #dethklok x reader #metalocalypse x reader

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literaila · 4 years

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these memories live with me

spencer reid x reader

summary: a collection of letters the reader writes to spencer :D

warnings: fluffy. kinda cute. there are memories. some inferences to death. nothing too bad. and bad writing.. but yeah

****

Spencer,

Do you remember the time we went to the beach?

You swore to me, over and over, that you weren't going.

“Y/N, there is an average of 3,536 fatal drownings at the beach each year, not to mention the boat accidents. We aren't going.”

I just laughed. I was pretty sure you’d never actually been to the beach before that. It didn't seem like it, seemed more like you were trying to protect us from danger that wasn't there. I’m not sure if it was for me or for you.

Do you remember laughing? Do you remember how much fun we had? How sunburned we were the next day?

Do you remember me running away from you, throwing me in the water? Do you remember that little boy coming up and asking you to build a sandcastle with you? Do you remember getting dinner later that night and spilling sand onto the booth? You hated that. Do you remember the glow we had for days after? The cold showers we had to take?

I don't think anything could’ve wiped the smile off of your face that day. Before that, I don't think I’d ever seen you have so much fun.

You’re usually so reserved, usually, you throw out facts to fill the silence, and explain to me everything about everything. Except for you. You never really told me anything about you before that. But that day, god that day you just lit up. Suddenly nothing had to be kept secret, suddenly you weren't afraid to be yourself, weren't afraid to tell me about the books you were reading, the thoughts you were thinking, the interesting little things that I didn't know could be so interesting.

That day you told me about your Mom. You told me how you’d always felt guilty, guilty for not being there for her, guilty for letting her be alone all the time, you told me that you wished you could visit more, that your Mom deserved more visits, more time with her only family. You told me that you could never get the image of her begging you not to go to the hospital, to stay home, out of your head. You told me that was the one thing you wished you could forget. That having a memory like yours was only good when you needed to be a textbook.

You told me that you felt really tired.

But you were smiling. You were telling me all these things about you, all these things that would break a normal person down, that would crush anyone else's bones in half, but you were saying all of these horrible things, all of these things I wished I could erase from existing, and you were smiling.

I still can't imagine how you were still smiling.

I can't imagine how you could tell me all of that and still have fun, still mention loving the beach after we left. I can't imagine how that could be a happy memory for you. But I’m glad it was. I’m glad I was the first person to introduce you to the joys of the beach.

You have always been stronger, been so much better, so much more than everyone else. I will never know how you turned out to be such an amazing person. I will never understand how good you are. I will never understand.

But I still know that I wouldn't change a thing about you.

You always smiled with me. I’ve never known why.

That day at the beach you introduced a new side of yourself to me, you decided to tell me the truth, but you also didn't allow me any room to feel bad for you. You decided to smile instead, and ask me if I wanted to go swimming.

That's one of my favorite days with you. One of my favorite nights.

I wish we had taken more pictures. Wish I could look at you smiling all the time, and wish that I had more memories of that day.

Do you remember going to the beach?

That was fun.

She sighed and dropped her pen. She rubbed her eyes. Maybe it was time for bed.

Spence,

Do you remember going to that pottery class?

From our bed, I can see the distorted pot that we made together.

You were the one who set up the date. We wanted to try something new together, something that wasn't just a movie. You said pottery was the perfect thing. And while I complained before going, secretly I was happy to go with you. Mostly because you were so excited.

You explained it all to me before we were there, told me about the proper way to make a clay pot, the best way to spin on a wheel, you explained everything to me before we even left the car, crammed all that information into your brain for that one date.

It was adorable.

Your eyes were so bright that night, you looked so excited to be able to learn something new with me, even though you basically already knew how to do everything. You were practically buzzing in anticipation on the way over, you were jumping up and down in my car and you were still smiling.

I love your smile.

Have I ever mentioned that? That I love it almost as much as I love you? It's one of my favorite things about you, one of the only things that never ceases to make me amazed- besides your brain of course -because it's so beautiful. I hope you know that.

But once we got there you pulled me out of the car, barely letting me get the keys out of the ignition. You begged me to hurry up,

“This is exciting Y/N, come on!”

And once we were in there, we had no idea what we were doing.

Apparently, reading and watching videos is not the same as doing it.

I think you were upset about that.

I think you wanted to impress me, wanted to show me what amazing things we could make together. But, when we finally got to sit down, both of us were not really paying attention. I think it's partly your fault we weren't listening to the instructor because you told me you knew how to do it, but you’ve always disagreed and said it was my fault.

In the end, we left with muddy hands, dirty clothes, and what looks like an oval-shaped vase.

I love that vase.

You got mad at me for putting it on display. Secretly I think you love it too.

I can feel how warm you were even while writing this, I can still imagine your soft breath on my neck, the kisses you gave my neck and cheeks when we did something right together. I can still feel your hands on mine, trying to intertwine but never quite making it due to the slick.

I still smile when I think of the pout on your face when the wheel stopped spinning.

Although we have a terribly made pot sitting in our house due to your idea of a date, I’m glad we went. I’m glad I got to spend time with you. I’m glad that we have this memory, one that isn't perfect, just for the two of us. I’m glad we can look back on that night and laugh at it. I’m glad you decided that making pottery was a good idea.

I’m glad that you enjoyed it as much as you did. Before and after.

I’m glad you got the chance to plan something for us, I’m glad we found time in between your busy schedule. I’m glad I still have the pot.

But I will admit, my favorite part of that night was sitting in your lap.

Her head was falling from her body. Nothing could keep it up. Maybe some more sleep would help.

Love,

Do you remember our first fight?

Do you remember how scared I was, how used I was to all of my boyfriends leaving at any sign of danger, how terrified I was of you leaving me? Of you changing your mind.

Because I was, I was so terrified.

I will admit I don't have the best taste in men, that I choose guys that are bound to hurt me because I’m afraid, I’m afraid that I’m unloveable, I’m afraid that everyone will leave, that I’m not good enough for anyone to stay. I’m afraid that no matter what, nothing will last for me because that's just how I am, that's just how it's supposed to be. I was always afraid that the cards I had would never change.

So, when you got mad, when I got upset, when we decided that it was time to fight, that not everything could be perfect for us, I froze.

We were fighting over some silly little thing, about me going out late, being out too late for you. And looking back, I can see that you were just scared. I can see that it didn't matter how safe I could be, that you knew what kind of evil was in the world, that you understood all the bad people more than I could ever imagine. I can see that you just wanted me to be safe, that you just didn't want anything bad to happen for me. Looking back, and seeing the expression that remained on your face, the little bit of concern, the frustration which I now know was directed at yourself, rather than me. You were always so frustrated with yourself for wanting to keep me safe.

I can see why you were upset now. I can understand it. But, I can also see myself, and I can see how annoyed I was with you taking care of me, I can see how annoying it was that you thought I couldn't take care of myself.

I think that's why we started fighting.

I think that even though my past was a big part of my fear, I think I was also scared because I knew you were just trying to protect me. I knew that you were only doing whatever you could to keep me from all the bad things you saw every day.

I think I was scared that you would leave, that you would see I didn't want to be controlled, that one of us would leave and that would be it.

I remember crying. Do you remember that? Do you remember the sobs that came out of my mouth once I saw what was happening, once I realized that we were actually fighting, that we were not perfect like I thought we were?

I remember you being scared of my tears. I remember your face turning from irritation and concern to shock and worried. I can still hear your voice begging me to stop crying, that I didn't need to cry, that there was nothing wrong.

I can still see the hurt in your eyes at my fear. I can still see how much it hurt you that I was upset.

I can still hear you saying “I’m not going anywhere baby, shh, I’m not going anywhere without you beautiful.”

I’m not sure how you knew exactly what to say, but you did.

Sometimes, when I’m upset, when I don't feel good, I play your voice, your words on repeat in my head. I listen to your calm reassuring voice, I listen to the warmth that masked everything you said to me even then when our relationship was so young.

I’ve always chosen bad guys, always picked from the bunch of people I knew would leave me, the people I knew I wouldn't get too attached too because I didn't want that. I didn't want to make a commitment and then lose it. I’ve always thought like that, always picked the people I decided to love like that.

Except for you.

I chose to love you because you were worth it. Because I knew that even if you left, even if we couldn't be together forever, that you were worth it, that even a day with you was better than nothing at all. Even when we didn't know each other well, I knew that.

I’ve always thought you were so much better than everyone else.

I was right.

I’m so glad that our small fights taught us so much about each other.

She yawned and looked at the clock. It was too late. She wasn't supposed to be up. She went to bed before anybody got there.

Pumpkin,

Do you remember the first time I told you I love you?

Because I do. Because I still live in that moment sometimes. My epiphany.

I remember driving with you, for twelve hours, because that's what we liked to do. We liked to spend all day in the car together, all day just talking and listening to music and watching the world pass behind us. I remember that.

Sometimes, I still want to go on long drives with you like I used to.

I loved that so much.

I remember you complaining about the music, I remember you looking over to me and covering your ears, I remember laughing.

I remember you smiling at my laugh. You always smiled when I laughed.

I remember asking you if you wanted something if there was any place you wanted to stop before I started driving home.

At that point, I already knew I loved you. Before that moment it was clear to me that I loved you. It was the feeling of stars bursting in my stomach, the intense want to be around you whenever I could, the tears in my eyes at your pain, the laugh in my voice at just your smile.

It was your warmth, your undying kindness, your much too willing acceptance of who I was. It was everything about you that I loved. There was nothing that I didn't love about you.

But, in the end, I think it was your smile.

Your smile always paved the way for me, always brightened up every day, always made me feel better, always filled my heart with nothing but bold emotions, with nothing but everything that I was feeling at once.

Your smile was always so intense, always so loud and bright, always there when it could be because you rarely stopped smiling.

I think that's what I loved most about it, that you never stopped.

And, at that moment when you smiled at me, your happiness was as plain as day, at that moment, I couldn't stop myself from telling you that I was in love with you.

Spencer, I know you’ve denied this before, I know that you’ve always said that you were never shocked, that it wasn't too fast because you loved me too.

But you were surprised. Your face was frozen for a moment, and you looked at me, not in a bad way, no you never looked at me in a bad way, but this was an expression that I had never seen come from you before, this was something entirely new.

You looked like you were in awe.

Like you couldn't believe I could love you like you had just imagined the words in your head like they weren't actually real.

And no matter how much you deny it, I know the truth. I don't need your words to confirm it.

But after I blurted out the words, looked shocked at myself, after that, you looked at me and finally asked

“Is it because I don't like this song?”

And I laughed again. And you smiled again.

I love you.

I will always love you.

The tears running down her face were nothing. The hand rubbing her shoulder was nothing.

Spence,

My shoulders hurt today.

I’m not sure why. I haven't been doing much. I never really do much when you aren't here.

But my shoulders hurt.

I wish you were here. Whenever my shoulders hurt and you’re in bed, you always offer to give me a back rub, always persist at my initial refusal, always tell me that you just want to be close to me for a little while.

And you’d always whisper little things to me, always telling me how beautiful I was, how amazing I looked without any makeup on, how incredibly harsh I was on myself. You were always telling me just how proud of me you were, just how much work you’d seen me do, you always made sure to let me know that I was appreciated.

As if I wouldn't know that by the look in your eyes.

I wish you were here now so I could feel that again. So I could feel your hands rub up and down my back, so I could feel the warm pressure you always use to get out the knots. I wish I could hear your voice in my ear, the breath on my cheek. I wish I could ask you to rub my shoulders, not take it for granted this time.

I miss you, Spence.

My shoulders are sore without you.

Come back soon.

She didn't utter a word after that.

Dr. Reid,

When we first met, when you first explained to me about your job, you persisted the fact that you weren't going to be there all the time, that I wouldn't get you whenever I wanted like a normal boyfriend. You told me that we were going to have to work to be together, that our relationship would take work, that you understood if I didn't want to do that if it was too much for me.

And I don't think you ever understood.

Although I knew that you were going to be gone a lot, that it would be hard nights alone, cold nights waiting for you on the couch. That there were going to be nights when I might regret it, nights that I might miss you so much that I’d wish that we had never known each other in the first place. I knew that there were going to be days where I was lonely, days that you couldn't help me with my feelings, days when you had to be an agent first, and a boyfriend second. I knew that my attachment issues were going to be a struggle, that it was going to take more work on my part to be okay with you leaving all the time, that it was going to be hard to be so far apart from you for so long.

I knew all of these things.

And you’d warned me about them, you’d looked at me with hard eyes and explained everything, explained everything as if it would matter to me. You frowned for the longest time, and all I could remember was wishing for your smile.

You didn't understand then, and I still don't think you understand.

I could never leave you. I could never ever let go of you.

Almost as soon as we’d met, you became like a drug to me, so relaxing, so amazing, so perfect. I knew that I was obsessed with you far too quick, that my addiction was too intense too fast. I knew that, but you never did.

You never understood how much I tried to resist, tried to keep myself apart from you so that I couldn't become addicted, you never knew how much I had failed at doing that.

Two months in, and you warned me, but it was too late at that point. Your warning wouldn't do a thing because you were a drug I couldn't get off of, you were something that was permanently attached to me.

You never understood that.

I wish I understood more.

She fell asleep at her desk. Pen in hand.

Spencer,

I remember the first time you told me you loved me.

I remember how elated I felt, how high my heart had soared.

It was a couple weeks after I told you, a couple of weeks of pretending I wasn't hurt by your hesitation, a couple of weeks of trying to come to terms with the fact that you didn't love me yet.

It was a rough couple of weeks for me.

But you erased all of it, every inch when you mumbled the words while we were watching that movie, the one I can't remember the name of because I was so distracted by you.

You have always been so amazing to me.

Always so loyal, always so devoted.

There has never been anyone who has loved anyone as much as I love you. I don't think any amount of words, any synonym for love will compare with how I feel.

It's unfortunate I can't tell you exactly.

I’ve always hoped you could feel it. That you didn't need words when you had me.

I remember never being hesitant to say it again after you told me, I remember not being afraid anymore once I knew that you loved me back.

It was a breaking point for us, the start of a new chapter. It was almost an entirely new book.

I’ve always been sure that I loved you more.

But, I think that as long as you loved me even a fraction of an inch as much as I loved you, it would be enough.

It was enough that you loved me.

Someone tapped her on the shoulder. She lifted her head slightly.

My love,

They think I need to go someplace else. They think I need to getaway.

Emily says I should stop writing.

They all think that it isn't good for me.

I love you.

Spencer,

Do you remember the time you forgot about our anniversary?

Do you remember how tired you were? How exhausted you had been when you got home and I was waiting for you on the couch.

You seemed so disappointed in yourself, so upset for disappointing me.

I was worried about you that day.

Because, no matter what I did, no matter how many things I had planned, that day there weren't enough smiles.

It was okay though.

Because the next day you made up for it. It was a day late, but it was perfect.

Thank you for tying yourself to me.

Thank you for devoting yourself to me.

Thank you for remembering everything I’ve ever told you.

I wish I could remember.

When she handed over the journal, they all pretended not to notice the tear stains ratted along it.

Reid,

I unpacked some of your boxes today.

I moved.

I don't like it in this new apartment.

It's too cold without you. It doesn't smell like you. It doesn't have the bookcases. It doesn't feel like ours anymore.

I unpacked our vase.

And the seashells we collected.

And the movie ticket.

And the polaroid pictures.

And the scrapbook.

I found the ring today.

Spencer,

I love you.

I’ve always loved you.

She sobbed as she pulled at her hair, as she fell to the floor, battered in scars and bruises that would never show up on her skin, battered in nothing but imaginary marks that she didn't think would never go away.

She hated black dresses.

Baby,

You used to call me that.

I miss it.

I went to your funeral today.

I don't think I’ll ever remember you the way I want to.

I wish we had taken more pictures.

Spencer,

This is the last letter for now.

I’m not allowed to write anymore.

Everyone has insisted I get out. So I’m going to.

I’m moving even farther this time.

It's been a year my love.

I miss you. I love you.

Please don't forget about me. I’ll never forget about you.

She slammed the car door. She put on his jacket. She had a long way to drive.

***

Sorry! I was an idiot and something happened while editing.

Heres the taglist (again): @missdowntonabbey @your-eternal-muse @qonble @bisoner @purelypanicking

masterlist here

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bookofmirth · 3 years

Note

Hi Leslie, i send this to Yaz to but i love your pov soo i send to you to. I saw some people sharing an interesting thought about Azriel and the Extra chapter that left me with dual thoughts, since I like your opinion I will summarize that thought and if you feel comfortable I would love to know your opinion. It is an analysis of Azriel in the Extra chapter and why he didn't plan anything further with Elain. I saw some persons saying that Az was not used to getting what he wants just because he wants it and when he does he doesn't get it, that he usually has his hopes taken away from him and that he is terrified because following that thought if he wants her badly he will lose her. That he is used to not being chosen, not being the favorite son and nobody choosing him, that the profession he doesn't get the information because he wants it but because he pushes it. They talk that it was not arrogance when he spoke of the cauldron about Elain but rather with despairing hope, because if the cauldron did that he could love her freely. That he is falling hard and fast for Elain but that the thought that she might be taken from him makes him hopeless for the future, that he can't think about the future because it would be hopeless if it didn't happen.

Hello!

So, this might surprise you, but I agree with part of this argument. Not in these words - idk whose words they are, if they are yours or kinda paraphrasing what other people have said - but the general idea behind it, I understand and I think there is evidence to indicate that partly, yes, Az thinks he isn't worthy and so that's why he didn't want to hope.

Some things I don't agree with - what has Azriel asked for that he hasn't gotten? What has he hoped for? Mor? Because there is a very good reason for that and it's not about him. He has never been in a committed relationship (as far as we know) and keeps his lovers secret. How can we then draw the conclusion that he is never chosen? Again, because of Mor?

The implication that he has been rejected his entire life only comes down to two things: his father and half brothers, and Mor. Rhys's mother embraced Azriel. Cassian and Rhysand and Mor and Amren have embraced Azriel. He literally has a found family. Now we can add Feyre and Nesta to that. It just doesn't track that he has this supposed long history of being hurt and rejected and that's why he didn't want to hope for a relationship with Elain, because he has been chosen and embraced far more often than he has been rejected.

Were those rejections powerful? Absolutely. But the main one, the way his family treated him, wasn't even romantic.

The reason I do partly agree with this is because:

Unless he is a complete dumbass, he has a good reason for clinging to Mor. If she never accepts him, she can never then reject him. It's not about her, it's about his insecurity.

When Cassian asked Azriel if he wanted kids, Az said, "it doesn't matter what I want". Now that doesn't tell us why he thinks that, but it does tell us that he might not put a lot of thought into the future as a general rule.

Azriel hides all of his relationships, if we can call them that. Why?

Perhaps all of this insecurity does stem from this one main thing, which is a huge, considerable thing - Azriel's family, save for his mother, was pretty horrible. It is possible that his insecurities and his fear of rejection stem from them. I just don't think it makes sense to argue that he has never been accepted or loved his whole life when that's blatantly not true.

HOWEVER.

There is a huge, glaring, alarming omission from the argument you put in the ask - though it's not your argument, I understand - which is

Elain

Imagine you have a crush on someone. Or you are kinda interested. Maybe your fiancé has dumped you, you're living in a new town, your sisters are getting all horny and married. There is this guy, and he's always been nice to you, he's really hot, he's around a lot, he listens to you talking about your favorite hobby.

You're giving him a Solstice gift. It's night, it's sexy, no one else is around, you haven't had sex in a couple of years. He seems into it. You're into it. You almost kiss.

He says: this was a mistake

Imagine how this would make Erica feel, to know that Aaron had not thought about her as a person. He had not even entertained a future with her. He doesn't say "but I can't because I have to respect her mate" or "idk what I'm going to do Rhys because it feels hopeless, no matter how much I want it" or some variation thereof.

Elain is 100% Wife Material. You don't go to Elain for a Good Time, you're in it for the long haul. And... he hadn't bothered thinking of her that way. Whatever the reason why he hadn't, he hadn't. And I gotta say, I really doubt that Elain, who was engaged and ready to be a lady and have a manor and do all these domestic things, would be okay with someone who didn't think about the future in the same way.

Tl;dr the reason that people point out that quote about Az not having planned that far isn't just because it shows his lack of commitment to being with her. It's also important because of how Elain would be impacted by that knowledge and the fact that she is not a fling type girl. Even if they sat down and had a chat about it, it's still a really hurtful thing to think that the person you are into only thinks about fucking you and nothing else, no matter how they came to that pattern of thinking.

#antielriel #ask #anon #az pov

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buckyreaderrecs · 4 years

Text

So Far Away: Chapter 5/?

Summary: Bucky Barnes doing what he does best. Saving. Loving. In this particular case, the object of both is you. (Bonus: Bucky Barnes happy, healing, doing really well!)

First chapter in series. Previous chapter.

Chapter 5: It’s time to find your family.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader Characters: Bucky Barnes, F.R.I.D.A.Y., Cecilia Reyes Additional tags: mostly canon compliant (Infinity War and Endgame didn’t happen, Stark Tower still exists), she/her pronouns, more tags/characters to be added with future chapters, hero Bucky Barnes, canon typical violence, warzone/disaster zone setting, Alpine the cat, other Marvel characters mentioned but not central to the plot, Warnings: possible triggers for anxiety and PTSD, major triggers for death of loved ones and grief, chapter 5 only possible trigger for food

Note: Please heed the warnings for this chapter; it’s a bit intense. As always, I’d love to know what you think. xo Rhi

So Far Away Chapter 5/?

The first night you'd spent at Stark Tower was forgettable in the sense that you had completely forgotten most of it. Vaguely, there was a bath, and Bucky, then bed. That was pretty much it though. So, it wasn't like the day after needed to do anything particularly special to be considered memorable. And yet, it was.

As Bucky put all the Mexican food trash into the paper Ubereats bag, you flicked through channels on television.

"Have you seen this?" you asked, stopping on Atlantis: The Lost Empire.

"I know, I know! I don't know shit about anything, but in my defence, I've been busy helpin' to save the world since I've been… good," Bucky replied, highly defensive but also still in good humour.

"Um… I just meant, 'cause it's a super underrated Disney movie. And nobody's seen it, like Hercules," you told him, holding back a grin.

"Oh… Sorry. Sam's always yelling at me," he explained, throwing the Ubereats bag in the bin and walking back over the couch from the kitchenette.

"About movies?"

"About everything," he said, rubbing his face. "He's cut up about me missing, like, all of hip-hop."

It made you laugh, which motivated Bucky to continue his bitching about Sam Wilson. "And! He thinks me and Steve should have more 'refined taste' in everything." He used air quotation marks, which Natasha Romanoff had taught him to use, much to the dismay of Steve. ("Captain America.")

"Refined taste?"

"Yeah, basically he loses it when he we like anythin' he thinks is bad. Like…" Bucky cycled through his list of favourite things. "The Fast and the Furious movies."

An image flashed in your mind of Steve and Bucky, completely decked out in their respective gear, marathoning the films, cheering at every car stunt and use of the NOS button. It made you smile, genuinely happy.

Bucky continues, "They ain't my favourite or anythin', but they're fun, ya know? He's probably just upset that whenever we get in car races it's mostly someone trying to kill us,"

"I guess that's… fair, but he's… The Falcon… that's super cool?"

Bucky grinned, but quickly shook his head. "Don't ever tell him you said that, okay? Never tell Sam you think he's cool,"

"Is it like feeding Gremlins after midnight?" you asked.

"I watched that one! And, yeah. It's exactly like that,"

"But it's not like you guys don't get to see cool things… and be cool,"

"I guess… We're used to it?" Bucky thought for a second or two, wriggled into the couch and rested his arm along the back of it. You turned to face him, legs crossed and entirely attentive. "Before the war I loved reading about what new gadgets were comin' out. Used to drag Steve to anything with tech stuff. But then, Hydra. I wasn't really conscious enough to realise I was in the future," he told you, chuckling a little to himself like it was funny. It was so nonchalant that it shocked you a little. He hadn't stuttered saying their name, or shifted to a darker mood. "Whenever I got re-programmed, I was re-trained too. Whatever advancements they made, I learnt. Meant when Shuri fixed my head up, I wasn't that inept. Got it a lot easier than Steve that way,"

"Just movies and T.V. and stuff that you missed then?" you asked, feeling like you needed to keep him talking because you'd never heard anything so goddamn interesting.

"Yeah. Hydra didn't exactly have a Netflix subscription for me," he said. You said nothing. "That was a joke. You can laugh," Bucky told you, softly nudging your knee.

"I don't know how you joke about it," you said honestly.

He shrugged. "You'll joke about all this too, one day," he replied.

No. No, I won't.

Bucky saw the conflict flash across you face.

"It's not like there isn't things that still blow my mind… Wakanda, for one," he continued, pulling you from your thoughts.

"Is it as cool as it looks on T.V.?"

"Cooler. It's gotta be one of my favourite places. And when I met Wanda… She thought I was a bit of a meatball. Never met anyone with powers like hers, you know? She's amazing. And Vision. Still don't really get what he's about,"

"So, you are friends with Wanda Maximoff but you think Vin Diesel is cool?" you asked, affronted.

Bucky laughed. "No. I think the cars are cool. The stunts! Vin Diesel seems like a jerk."

Another image flashed. Someone in the world, Vin Diesel, knowing that The Winter Soldier thought he was a bit of jerk.

Bucky watched you laugh.

"Come on, then. What's this one about?" he asked, turning back to the television.

"Atlantis-"

"Underwater city? I'm in."

That's about where you realised that Bucky Barnes was a massive nerd.

It took Bucky ten minutes to tell you that you needed to keep warm, putting the knitted blanket over you. It took twenty to have him scoot closer to you, his arm still on the back of the couch, behind your head. About half an hour in, Bucky said, "Yeah, this is better than Snow White. I love this little mole guy."

Bucky was watching, listening for any signs that the lack of conversation had given you time to think, to spiral. But, it hadn't. Atlantis was a comfort movie for you, a distraction. He could see you smile and frown along with the characters.

"It was pretty obvious that this was gonna happen," Bucky said at the high point of the plot twist. He was aiming for a reaction. You looked at him fast and dramatic. "I'm good at picking the bad guys. Kinda my job."

At the rolling of the credits, Bucky asked, "Ice cream?"

As he put a collection of Ben and Jerry's on the counter top, Bucky caught himself in a sudden realisation. He was keeping you busy. Eventually, you'd notice, or the day would carry on and bedtime would come; the quietness between 'goodnight' and sleep would crush you, pushing from you anxiety and grief. But first, Bucky thought, ice cream.

"Half Baked," you said. Bucky handed you the pint and a spoon.

You watched him open the Strawberry Cheesecake, Cherry Garcia, and Urban Bourbon. "Variety is the spice of life," he said grinning, his voice a strange mocking tone, like he was parroting someone you'd never met.

"I genuinely don't know where all that food goes,"

"In here," he answered, lifting his shirt and patting his tummy.

"Yeah, but like, do you have one of those trash compactor things that mooshes it all down super small?"

Bucky laughed. "Maybe. Who knows what's going on inside 'ere."

You were sitting on a bar stool, leaning against the kitchenette's counter. Bucky put the spoons in the dishwasher and the uneaten ice cream away. He liked things in their place, you noted.

"So," he said, too casually. It felt, correctly, like a lead up. "How are you feeling?"

"Full," you answered, honest, but also not really.

Bucky looked at you, nodded. "What else?"

You dropped your gaze, breaking eye contact. A nervousness grew in you, the gatekeeper to all the bad. It was telling you to flee - answering the question wouldn't be nice. You could tell that Bucky wouldn't change the subject though. He could wait in that silence all day for you to speak.

"I…" you began. "I don't know. There's just… a lot,"

"Yeah. That makes sense. There is a lot… Probably good to start telling me about it." When you said nothing to that, he added, "Or someone else. We can-"

"I feel guilty," you blurted out, partly to stop him suggesting you talk to anyone else, partly because the gate was opening and the guilt as behind it in abundance. Bucky nodded like he already knew what you were going to say, and what you meant. "I… I'm here. Where I'm more than safe," you said, looking around at the suite. "But I haven't done anything to deserve it-" Bucky went to say something but stopped himself. "I'm not the most hurt, or the most useful person to save or anything like that. And then, I haven’t even looked-" That was it. The tears began to stream down your face, heavy and hot. You could feel them pooling in your shirt somewhere. The sentence you started was lost, completely drowned out by sobs.

Bucky remained composed. He fetched tissues from the bathroom, took it upon himself to clear your face, ready for the next wave. It arrived immediately. "Come 'ere," he said, pulling you into him. There would be wetness and snot all over his hoodie when you would eventually move, but you didn’t think of that in the moment and Bucky really didn’t care. He stood between your legs, rocking you gently on the stool for a minute before you spoke again.

"I haven't even looked for anybody," you said, so softly and so painfully that even priests in confessional booths would have hung their heads.

"How could you?" Bucky asked.

During the time before his head was really put back together, that is what everyone did with him. They challenged Bucky's questions, forced logic on him, rending much of the harmful conclusions he'd drawn about himself incorrect. It was a good strategy and he'd learned it well.

You half shrugged and kept crying. A cycle had begun in your mind. You were crying because you felt guilty, but that made you feel selfish and stupid. You thought you should be crying for other people. All of that, of course, made you feel more guilty, starting the cycle all over again. But maybe that cycle was easier to loop on than any real feelings of grief and loss.

"When were ya meant to have time to find people? Couldn't do it in the refuge centre. Too much goin’ on. And your hand was smashed, probably killin' you. And like Doc said - in shock," he said, paused, waited for a response.

Bucky's hands were moving up and down your back with enough pressure to calm you sobs into softer hiccups and sniffles.

"Yeah?" Bucky prompted. You nodded and shrugged simultaneously. "Okay, so, couldn't have done it on the way here or last night. You were exhausted. Could hardly keep yourself upright. Ain't much use to anybody like that."

You covered your nose with a tissue and sat up. Even if he didn't care, you didn't want him to see you with a face covered in snot. Bucky had the tact to look away while he continued. You listened as you wiped your face clean.

"This morning, whisked ya away to Medical. Then force fed you some food. And now, we're here. So, if you're asking me, darlin', not too sure when you think you were meant to do all this people finding, you know?"

Bucky could see it in your face that you knew he was right. When you nodded, saying, "I guess," he felt completely victorious.

You drank the glass of water Bucky poured for you, then took a breath in, two, three, out, two, three.

"Okay," you said, voice almost normal.

"Okay," he repeated in solidarity.

"Can we find them now?"

…

The room was definitely not for civilians, but nobody stopped Bucky from walking in with you. It was a buzzing hub of activity and urgency. Voices spoke fast, people moved faster.

"It's kind of like a command centre," Bucky tried to explain. "Whenever there's a threat, we have a response team that do… I guess what would happen if there was an earthquake or somethin'. Search and rescue. Coordinating relief."

You nodded and stayed close to Bucky's side, not wanting to get in anyone's way.

"Sergeant Barnes," a very tired woman greeted.

"Hey. I'm really sorry to-"

"No time for that. What can we do for you?" she cut him off.

"Finding people that were in the attack zone," he replied.

"Everything we know, F.R.I.D.A.Y. knows. Integrated systems. Find a computer, preferably not in here, and ask her. Anything else?"

"No. Thank-" but she was gone.

Bucky hooked an arm around your waist and walked you back to the elevator.

"She was amazing," you said.

Bucky grinned. "Never met her before, but yeah, lot of people like that around here."

On a floor of the tower that was much calmer, Bucky and you sat in what you supposed was some sort of crazy high-tech boardroom.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y.?"

"James,"

"Oh, it's James now?"

"Yes. How can I be of assistance?"

The first step was making a list of everyone you knew who lived or worked in the part of D.C. that was affected. You named them, confirmed through social media accounts and DMV records.

"Do you guys have access to, like, everything?" you asked Bucky.

"Probably shouldn't answer that," Bucky replied, winking.

Step two was all F.R.I.D.A.Y. "I work fast, but I'd like to check my work, Y/N," she told you.

"If you can, can you check with-" Bucky went to ask.

"First responder reports?" F.R.I.D.A.Y. asked.

"Must be the day for being cut off by women smarter than me, huh?"

"I could be mistaken, James, but isn't that every day?"

Bucky laughed, looked at you for back up, but saw you staring at screen in front of you. The list of names.

Once you'd actually made it, you realised there were likely less people to find than you first though. Your housemate, Lucas, was a bike courier. He may have been out of the zone, 50/50 chance. Elizabeth, your best friend, lived on the next block over. She was home when the attack happened. You were watching her Instagram live; she was feeding her pet snake, Salem. Then, the girls at the hole in the wall café you worked at, Glory. You didn't know who was shift, so you listed all five.

There were more, but felt like naming everyone you knew would be greedy somehow. Bucky said, when you were ready, you could look through the list of the deceased. Even hearing the phrase made you feel sick though.

"Do you want to wait here?" Bucky asked.

You turned to him, ran your hands through your hair. "I don't know… I can't…" but whatever you couldn’t, you couldn’t even articulate.

Bucky nodded. "How about we get some fresh air? When we get back, F.R.I.D.A.Y. will have something for us?"

…

Out on the street, everything was loud. The whole back-in-reality thing really took you off guard. Seeing the city from the top of the Tower was different to this.

"I got ya," Bucky said, coming to walk right by your side. You looked over at him, and he offered his hand. You immediately accepted.

As you walked by multiple cafés, you wondered if Bucky had a favourite, or maybe there was a secret superhero club behind a hidden door in an inconspicuous bodega or Chinese restaurant. Alas, earwax - no such luck. Bucky held the door of a standard looking café open.

The guy behind the coffee machine nodded. "Buck,"

"Hey, Gee,"

"Seen ya's all on the news. Everyone okay?" Gee the barista asked, the genuine concern evident in his tone and expression.

"Ah, yeah. You know - nothing they can't handle," Bucky replied; you suspected it was the party line.

"Good, good. What can we get for ya then?"

"Don't worry about it, bud. I'll jump in line."

Gee shook his head and smiled as Bucky took his place in the queue to order. "You wanna grab a table? Or wait with me?" he asked you.

"Stay," you replied, stepping closer to him.

While you held your body in a way that shielded your broken bones from people's paths, it was easy being close to Bucky. He was probably very accustomed to being around the injured, so never accidentally hit the cast. You were grateful.

Bucky reached out and curled hair behind your ears, then leaned in to kiss the top of your nose. It was intimate, and brought solace. It was also very public; as he moved away, started greeting the girl at the counter, you realised there were more than a few pairs of eyes on you. Turning from the room, you stood closer to Bucky and listened to their conversation.

"You know I can't tell you that," Bucky said, leaning against the counter like he owned it.

"But, like, it's over, right? We won?"

"Tiff, would I be standing here if there was something else I could be doing?"

Tiff nodded, made a face like she'd been let in on a state secret. "Hmmm," she pondered for a second. Then, with pep, "So, the usual then? For one of Earth's mightiest heroes?"

Bucky rolled his eyes at her. "I hate you," he joked before looking at you. "What will it be?"

You hadn't really thought as far as ordering. Already feeling self-conscious and spaced out, the burning in your cheeks was getting hotter.

"Thinking maybe a pot of tea to share?" Bucky suggested, casual, but also sending you a quick wink - he was saving you again.

"Tea's great," you said.

After ordering, Bucky chose a couple of oversized armchairs by the window to sit in. He let you breathe, let you stare through the glass and people watch for a long time. He answered messages on his phone, checked in with Steve while you daydreamed. So deep in thought, or maybe just completely zoned out, you didn't even notice Bucky had made a call, or that the pot of tea had been placed on the small table between you.

Bucky said your name, but you failed to move. He reached out, tapped a knuckle against your knee. You gasped, felt your heart skip a beat.

"Sorry!" he said immediately. "Didn’t mean to scare you…"

"No, it's alright. I'm just… um,"

"You're alright, darlin'. How do you take your tea?"

It was a simple enough question, but you looked down at the table like it was all alien.

"Maybe you can make your own," Bucky said, pushing the tea tray closer to you. "Give you something to focus on. Bring you back down to earth."

…

Although you were hardly touching your tea or the cookies the staff brought over as a gift, Bucky let you sit for much longer than what anyone normally would. It was starting to get dark, the café closing around you, when you finally seemed to become aware of the rest of the world again.

"Oh. Should we go?"

"Sure," Bucky replied, standing and holding his hand out again.

After thanking everyone, you were out in the city, walking back to the Tower.

The silence that existed between you and Bucky was a comfortable one, but the closer you got to your destination, the more nervous you felt. Something in your mind snapped, told you to try to be normal. So, you started to talk. Fast. And a lot.

"Do you all go there? Like, the Avengers? It was nice. They really like you. The cookies were good-"

Bucky cut in, stopping you more than actually wanting to answer. "It's easier to go to the same places. The novelty of us eventually wears off," he told you.

"Yeah, people don't really stop staring, do they? Must get tiring, having everyone watch you all the time. And treat you different." You internally begged yourself to shut the fuck up.

"Guess I don't really know what 'normal' would be… Don't like people giving me free stuff all the time though. Don't need it. Not really a skip-the-line type of guy," he said.

You wondered how much charity he needed after Steve brought him back into the fold. Instead of asking about that, you thankfully went with, "Must be nice sometimes though?"

Bucky thought for a second. It was one of the changes in personality he experienced after Hydra. Bucky in the 30s and early 40s was a little bit of an attention seeker, a true lover of the limelight. Not so much anymore. He thought of you then - how you'd considered him to be a hero, and how you had needed him. How you still needed him.

"Maybe there's a couple perks."

You nodded, went quiet again. Bucky noticed that you switched between that frantic, almost manic state and scary quiet a fair bit. He rolled with it, a little notorious for the odd mood swing himself.

It was in the elevator of Stark Tower that you started to get jittery. The palms of your hands started to sweat, but Bucky didn't let go. He also tried to not seem like all of his attention was fixated on you, but it was. When he took you back to his suite, rather than the crazy high-tech boardroom, he thought about explaining why, but figured it wasn't one of the main things on your mind.

Sitting on the couch in the same place you'd eaten burritos for brunch, you pulled the knitted blanket back over yourself.

"Ready?" Bucky asked, sitting down next to you and putting a glass of water and box of tissues on the coffee table. You nodded. "F.R.I.D.A.Y., how'd you go?"

You felt sick, real deep down in your stomach. It was a pushing force, making you hot and uncomfortable. Suddenly, the blanket was too heavy and you pushed it away with a weird anger.

Bucky wanted to hold you, but he knew the sensation of feeling trapped by grief. He gave you space and braced himself for what was about to hit you.

"I'm not sure what the best order to deliver this is," F.R.I.D.A.Y. admitted. She knew the limits of her programmed humanity, and it was probably the most impressive thing about her.

"Good news first," Bucky said.

"I've located Lucas and Elizabeth. Lucas is currently residing in an apartment just outside the affected zone. It belongs to a Jacob Short,"

"That's his boyfriend's dad," you said, nodding to yourself. Lucas was safe.

"Elizabeth is currently admitted to Howard University Hospital. She has a broken clavicle and humerus, and damage to the glenohumeral joint - all to her right side. She is in stable condition."

You breathed out hard, then took a tissue to your face. You'd not even noticed that you'd started to cry.

"Glory was destroyed," F.R.I.D.A.Y. continued.

That's when you looked up from the patch of floor you'd been staring at. On the screen of the television, F.R.I.D.A.Y. had been showing you relevant things - the Facebook status geotagging Lucas at his boyfriend's family home, the rental agreement that showed who lived at that address, Elizabeth's medical records, even security footage of her in the hospital.

You shouldn't have looked up.

For a moment, Bucky didn't understand why your breathing had all but stopped. Average people don't get a slideshow to accompany their bad news. He looked at the screen. A photo, then another, showed the entire building Glory was a part of reduced to rubble.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., maybe we don't need the show with the tell," Bucky said.

"No!" you yelled. "I need to see."

If there was information, visual or verbal, you needed it.

"I logged into WorkForce using your credentials to view the roster. Two people were working at the time of the attacks: Carly Underwood and Ellie Gilbert," F.R.I.D.A.Y. told you. Before she said it, you knew it. "I'm sorry, Y/N. Both have been put on the list of deceased. Carly has been identified officially. Ellie is pending, but using our facial recognition and matching, I can confirm it's her."

You stood up, ripping the hoodie you were wearing off. If it was too hot before, now you felt like you were made of lava.

Bucky watched you start to pace. Your expression was alarmingly flat.

"The rest of your co-workers are safe. Only a Tara Constantine was in the affected area. She was on a bus moved to safety by Peter Parker."

There was footage taken from somebody's phone of Spiderman saving bus and carloads of people.

"I used your social media accounts to create an index of known people. As far as I can tell, you do not directly know anyone else on the list of deceased."

The phrase was still making you feel sick.

Bucky mistook that as F.R.I.D.A.Y. being finished. He thanked her, asked her to keep him updated if anything changed.

"Sorry, Sergeant. There's more."

Both you and Bucky went still. What else could there be?

"Your parents, Y/N,"

"They live on the other side of the city. Probably worried about me, right?" You turned to the screen, expected to see a worried Facebook posted asking if anyone had seen you. How could telling them you were safe not be your first thought? Stupid. Selfish.

On the screen was a grainy traffic cam photo of your parents driving. It was time and date stamped.

"They're fine," you said.

"Y/N, I'm sorry… Your parents aren't on the list of deceased-"

"Yeah, because they're fine!"

Suddenly, you remembered you did call them. You were still in the refuge centre, and it took you an hour to find someone with a phone willing to share. First, you called your dad, but it went straight to voicemail. Your mum didn't pick up. Only a month before, they'd had the landline switched off. How did you forget calling?

"But using street surveillance, I tracked their car into the affected zone. They got caught in the attack-"

"No. No. They hate that part of town. I didn't even move in that long ago and they already hate it. There's no reason for them to be there," you said, angry. No reason… except you.

"I checked through unidentified photographs-" she tried to continue, her voice noticeably more robotic than Bucky had ever heard it. He was grateful to have her then.

"The what?" you asked, confused and flustered and still feeling so fucking sick.

Bucky sighed, figured he should explain that one. "It's the same as natural disasters… When they find bodies, move them to try to identify them, they make a catalogue of photos to help. F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s saying she checked through them,"

"So? They're fine,"

"Our facial recognition and matching have a 100% accuracy record, but… I could be wrong," F.R.I.D.A.Y. said.

Bucky knew she wasn't, and was discomforted by her attempt at gentleness.

"Wrong about what?" you spat, already knowing.

"I believe your parents have passed away,"

"Show me," you said.

"Y/N, I-" from Bucky.

"Show me!" you yelled, moving to the screen, standing so close you swore you could feel the electricity buzzing from it.

The photographs from traffic cams were still up, static. You stared them down, waiting.

Bucky walked to you, stood behind you, held his breath.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. didn't speak again. She showed you all the photos of your parents she had found to base her conclusion on. The reach of her skills became apparent and terrifying. There was no way she and everything she could do, was legal. As photos from private accounts, devices, and websites flashed up, along with dozens from the DMV and work place IDs, you felt all the heat you'd brewed up drain from you.

Your body began to meltdown - you needed to pee, your mouth went dry, and earaches formed out of nowhere. It felt like you were being stabbed in the lower back. None of it made sense.

The screen went still again.

"Show me," you said once more.

Two overexposed photographs appeared on screen. Both were framed similarly - head shots of undeniably dead people. Also undeniable was the fact that they were the corpses of your parents.

"Turn it off," Bucky said.

The screen went black but you didn't look away. As long as you stayed there staring, the image wouldn't fade. You could see them in your mind. You could see the indent in your father's head, skull visible. You could see the blood on your mother’s face. Tape held their eyelids closed.

"Y/N," Bucky whispered, standing close. He waited for a response. Time was ticking by excruciatingly slowly. "Y/N, I'm gonna help you to bed," he said, but you flinched, so he stopped moving towards you. "Okay… That's okay. You can stay-" but before he could end the sentence with 'here,' you screamed out a guttural cry that mutated into sobbing.

Very quickly for Bucky then, time sped up again. It was moving too fast though. Your legs gave up, and he caught you only just before hitting the floor. You crawled out of his arms, along the floor, dry heaving between sobs and yelped of pain as you ignored the fact one hand was crushed. In the couple of seconds it took him to work out if you were going to throw up, you did. You puked all the Mexican and tea you'd had, then continued to crawl, making it close enough to a wall that you could lay on your side and lean against it.

Bucky knelt in front of you, tried to pull your hair into the tie that was usually around his wrist. Once successful, he went to retrieve a cold, wet wash cloth. He wiped your face but gave up when the sobbing seemed to get louder. He could make out words sometimes. For the most part, there was nothing coherent in your mind to articulate. You curled up into a ball, switching between deep sobs and outright screams.

Eventually, it all subsided into an even crying but you stayed in a tight ball. Bucky sat beside you, pressed close enough that he could feel each movement you made. After hours, once you'd gone quiet, Bucky whispered, "I'm gonna look after you, Y/N. Promise."

Chapter 6 coming soon...

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#mine #So Far Away #Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes fanfic #Bucky Barnes imagine #Bucky Barnes fanfiction #Bucky Barnes reader insert #Marvel #Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes/Reader #Bucky Barnes x Y/N #Bucky Barnes/You #Bucky Barnes x You

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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also i’ve been mulling over the “we’re Living ex machina!!!!” line and like, it still doesn’t make sense Really, but here’s my Afternoon Musings i guess

i’ve only actually seen ex machina once like 3 years ago but as i remember it goes a little something like This: some rando white-collar programmer guy has like, won a contest where the prize is to go hang out for maybe a few days or a week or so with this ~visionary genius~ tech dude played by oscar isaac at oscar isaac tech dude’s off-the-grid reclusive mansion or whatever.......i thiiiink the Protag Programmer won b/c his programming submission was Really Good but also maybe there’s a [randomly selected] element to it, or maybe we Think it was partly random selection but then learn it was actually All “yeah i chose you b/c your coding was the Best,” idk. doesn’t really matter but anyway yeah protag guy gets helicoptered in to the oscar isaac genius bro’s secret mansion

oscar isaac soon reveals he has this advanced ai android whomst he wants the Protagonist to study / turing test, and the protagonist does that, but during one Conversation Session with this android (who is named ava i think? and designed to Look Like a Woman oo) like the lights turn off and ava-i-think informs the protagonist she’s found a Weakness in the mansion’s security system and hackt it so that the power (and thus the Security / Monitoring Systems) shut down for a minute like this but could feasibly be thought of as a glitch and anyways she’s like yeah i have feelings and thoughts and i want to Not Be Trapped here, ya gotta help me out here buddy, and then yknow ooh the systems come back on, oscar isaac can Observe them again, intrigue.....tl;dr protag and ava keep having these short secret convos and Do plan to break her out, there’s this dramatic moment where oscar isaac (who’s natch been acting weirder and more erratic as the plot unfolds) confronts the protag after the protag has just like, tried to get him blackout smashed by Hanging Out With Him lmfao and oscar isaac is like “ooh i knew you were planning to break her out, i’m gonna stop you guys though haha pwned” but then oh further twist, turns out ava and protag Knew that was the case and were thinking one step ahead and idk but yeah they break her out and oscar isaac dies but ooh further twist!!! ava locks the protag (or well, just Does Not Unlock, As Planned) in some room and leaves the mansion and gets on the Helicopter meant to take the protag back to wherever after the planned end of his stay. and the protag is just stuck there b/c everyone else is dead and presumably he dies as ava gets to exist in the outside world now, idk, we don’t need ex machina 2 where he’s escaped or smthing lmao

and i do NOT get what winston is comparing their situation to lmfao. like, oh rian is like an advanced ai android??? if anything, her being the more like ~true believer in High Finance as a means of socially beneficial effect~ vs winston like, having the supposedly cutthroat and cold Math approach would make Him more of the ~oh no more a robot than a person~ (though i think it’s Ambiguous whether we wanna judge ava as more Scary Bad or Sympathetic).........you can’t even really make the connection that “oh no we’re being deliberately Replaced!!” b/c if winston is [protag programmer rando] and rian is [ava] and wendy is, i guess oscar isaac then, uhhhh oscar isaac most definitely did Not intend to ~replace~ the protag with ava, he very much wanted her trapped in his mansion still........and the protagonist Only got “replaced” by ava in the sense that she took his place on the helicopter out of the reclusive secret mansion. i really doubt she planned to, or would even be able to, like take over his identity/life beyond that.....certainly not his job lol like, coworkers are gonna notice you’re a different person, there was no implication the androids can like oh shapeshift their appearance or whatever, and no implications about what ava even intended to do in the Outside World which is kind of bemusing b/c like, what of the Practical Questions of being an android and needing whatever Fuel Source a robot does, idk that might’ve been addressed or smthing like “oh yeah they can just Eat,” also she clearly does not Trust People considering her only company was evil oscar isaac creator and she wasn’t interested in bringing the protag along, plus yknow the fact that she Did deliberately manipulate the protag into thinking that she wanted to escape into the world With him........but not like i guess she has any choice for any other world to escape into but the one with all the people where she pretends to be an organic human

like there is just NO point of comparison where these situations line up unless you get soooooooo like broad strokes about ex machina that you’d do better to compare your experience to Anything else lmao. like, does winston think she’s some like, ideal advanced version of him?? like you might consider a crafted AI android to be?? i don’t know but i mean i think we have a more feasible explanation for why he’s so Insistent about this totally being Ex Machina, if only b/c as a straightforward comparison i swear to god it doesn’t work lmfao None of these points line up at all with any significance that’s worth insisting on

given that winston’s Apparently Canonically meant to be crushing on rian, and we have his example of ribbing her by calling her “gal gadot’s quirky sister” which is like, okay so the dunk is “you look similar to this famous a-lister who everyone thinks is pretty” and “also you’re quirky, boom” like, i think that could easily be meant as like, a Tell that winston already ~likes~ her.............aaaand it’s also somewhat ~ambiguous~ but i mean i think it’s safe to say that in Ex Machina you may understand the protag as having Fallen For the ai android lady. so maybe we can Understand this invocation of ex machina as being like “ooh person meant to replace me is Attractive but ultimately i think this Overall Situation is a bad thing i shouldn’t feel this way i resent it” like, a bit of a Reach, but honestly it’s way more of a reach to think about applying anything else about this scenario to ex machina, so i could v much believe that the thought that went behind writing this is once again, like, “okay winston’s invoking one thing on the surface level here, but simultaneously he’s already (inadvertently probably) acknowledging like oh also i have a crush on her already”

between this episode seeming to be Setup and the [winston has a Canon crush] and the fact that it probably seems like They Will Fuck A Nonzero Number Of Times or Make Out At Least But It’s Billions So, Might Get A Humorous Cut To [Postcoital] Or A Scene Where They Arrive At Work Together Short Of Breath With Messy Hair And Hickies And Winston’s Got A Hoodie W/ “Property Of Rian” On It Until He Goes "Oh Shit Woops” And Hands It To Her And She’s Like “Oh Btw You Forgot Your Glasses.....Uh You Left Them Here On Your Desk Yesterday I Mean Of Course” And Hands Them To Him And An Unnamed Character Stands Up And Asks “Daily Poll: Who Had Sex With A Coworker Last Night” And Rian And Winston Raise Their Hands Before Going “Oh Wait” And Lowering Them With A Shake Of The Head And A Nervous Cough and i’m exaggerating but you know, the equivalent of the billions writing saying “wwinnnk” at us. i am fine with them having an unsolemn like, quasi-rivals-to-lovers (or -And-lovers) dynamic, even with it being a bit messy in like, still an overall Fun way, where yknow it doesn’t have to be peak epic romance cuz a) that’s just Always true and yet it can still be overall an okay thing even if they don’t quite get it together / mostly just trade sparks and sometimes hook up and b) idk seems like mayybe rian’s character isn’t meant to go beyond this season, so, an inherent limit there if true

i’m like Apologetic for being like “already i like their dynamic even as Romantique and it’s kinda cute and fun and i’m willing to continue to be engaged w/ this as long as the writing doesn’t completely fuck it up” lmao like, i guess i Did inadvertently give myself time to prepare for this exact eventuality b/c of wondering if this exact character would have A Thing w/ winston whenever she showed up and even if i was like “haha the character could show up Anywhere and do Anything and what are the odds, right” i was also like “hmm but i’m going to really think about it though” like, as always, didn’t think i was cassandraing that hard, but truly did do it 4x03 style where everyone else can be like “you never [made the text post or gave any indication you were thinking about “what if whoever she plays and winston have some kind of romance thing going on”]” and i can go “i only thought it but didn’t say it....doesn’t count” but well. i did think it lmao and why would i make it up.......sorry i had such a head start on Getting More Used To This Notion.......some crimes can never be forgiven.meme.......

anyways natch “intense horrible passionate” seems a little foreboding but maybe she was talking about it relative to [any Normal show] rather than the standards we’re used to on billions, where this was all but a Meet Cute, and a kind of quasi coworker rivalry where nobody’s taking it *that* deeply seriously and they also seem to mutually like each other by the end of 5x05 already so how not-amicable can it get. and re: Intense like, maybe the writing in future episodes will totally upend this, but i’d say rian and winston in 5x05, even when “clashing,” was like damn near laidback and chill. neither of them seem at all that pressed, but maybe even a sorta-playful Friendly Rivalry is more “intense” than, say, a dynamic that involves no rivalry at all. imo “Passionate” is just like, okay, so they’ll fuck or at least make out? sure. not sure what to make of “horrible” lmfao maybe again it’s addressing like “this is a lil messy and they’re kinda rivals!!!” like, certainly not an ideal start, except by billions standards it IS weirdly great. rian seeming good-naturedly amused by winston is something we didn’t get from his longtime-coworkers until like, now, sort of, and still not to the degree that anyone has smiled at him as many times as rian did in like that course of [1 min long First Scene Together] wherein also winston always gets off to a way worse start with people lmao............like everything about this seems Way Better And More Dialed Back And Grounded than usual, actually. but it’s that like, point of reference of “what’s Usual for winston and, more broadly, Billions” that maybe explains this weirdly strong language when all in 5x05 seemed chill actually

anyways like i said Sorry For Already Liking Rian/Winston This Much with my head start and all where like, i’m even tentatively looking forward to seeing where this goes, by “tentative” i also mean going [”i’ll kill you” the office.jpg] at billions where i am fully aware that maybe where this goes *is* a mess and not in like, just kind of a fun, non-melodramatic, not-treated-like-a-total-joke-but-also-not-that-big-a-deal way, where 5x05 could seem like Those Halcyon Days b/c everything from here out just devolves into an unappealing disaster.......but this is an unexpectedly solid start imo and like. even if this doesn’t become like this epic romance where they officially date and if rian does eventually depart the show by the end of the season, it can still just be Enjoyable and Fun for the characters and, god forbid, the viewers, where like, you don’t have to demand we be desperately invested with our entire life in this deadly serious heartwrenching epic romance, they can just kind of mess around and enjoy having a mutual attraction w/ this mathy rivalry and etc and it’s neither a tragedy of “the greatest love story of all time torn asunder” Or, truly god forbid,” this is a Whole Mess In A Bad Way b/c winston’s involved and ugh who could Really like him, being at all romantically entangled is an embarrassing mistake surely, ew cringe we hate him............like, cautiously optimistic in how like i always say that a Romantic Arc is just an easy/efficient way to develop both characters and it could certainly humanize winston an ounce in a show that treats him more like a walking algorithmic plot device and the thoughts of any viewers but us are limited to “winston annoying” basically........the show doesn’t seem to treat rian as a joke, so it seems possible that their mutual Romance in whatever way it unfolds could also be Not A Joke, which means winston’s part in it isn’t a joke, so that’s Some aspect of him for people to take seriously, for once..........like, the way his apparently-already-official crush played out in 5x05 *was* funny but it also didn’t seem like oh it’s a joke b/c his feelings are a total joke......it might seem that way if this *was* totally unrequited and going nowhere, but i somewhat get the sense that the interest is mutual even by the end of the ep, that didn’t strike me as a “shove off, it could Never Happen” shutdown from rian there, just like, hold off on that for rn maybe cue to rein it in a little, not just yet........anyways lmao i’m like “oh yeah i started this post about the baffling ex machina thing” but yeah the point is i think so far it’s pretty solid and i like it and am cautiously but [relative-to-billions level of Hopeful] about whatever developments we’re surely gonna get b/c it def sounds like this has Not ended with 5x05, but seriously @ billions i swear to god. yes so far the approach to winston’s crush here and even their unfolding mutual dynamique and dare i say, romantic interest, is being handled with an encouraging level of “this is Humorous but the characters / their feelings are not what’s being treated as A Total Joke or anything,” but who knows what will come next, this is billions and you can’t predict anything. fingers crossed about it all, though

#winston billions #i'm enjoying what we have so far anyways While I Can #still billions-grade Hopeful that it will continue to be enjoyable.......#i can imagine that things could continue to unfold in a fairly cute & fun way. i am already somewhat Doing So b/c i like them enough already #have enough gentle optimism that i absolutely can be let down by next week's developments...........We Shall See #seriously just tl;dr i'm not the least bit sure what the ex machina thing means. tentative ''it's as much a Clue that winston already kinda #is crushing as much as idk.....meaning anything else at all'' lmao.........like okay whatever it's billions just roll w/ the weird refs #like the seeming nascar-or-whatever related one whomever taylor was talking about tony womsthever from 2005?? i didnt research too much into #that like i don't need to know cuz idc and Why Would They.....maybe it's like wendy making the unnecessary metallica reference 4 sec later #where everyone's just automatically in [unnecessary references] mode.........#riawin

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alliswell21 · 4 years

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This was a prompt I saw @lovely-tothe-bone had posted. You know me, I suffer “shiny-red-ball syndrome” or actually “puffy-tail-plot-bunny Syndrome”

Anywho... Rated M for language and adult situations. Modern!Everlark. Also, I stole a line from @mega-aulover and I’m not sorry! 🙃

The Garage

The Panem Mockingjays were in the Super Bowl for the first time in history, a true Cinderella story of perseverance and teamwork that brought them to play against none other than the legendary Capitol Mutts, who were getting the beating of their life! 27 to 3 with only thirteen minutes on the clock and one timeout left.

The trophy was in the bag, and it was beautiful!

The Mockingjays were in possession; the Mutts ran an aggressive defense, but the Mockingjays’ quarterback sidestepped a tackle and scored a 30 yard touchdown.

The whole room in the Everdeen home exploded in cheers!

Katniss had been squirming half the evening in the loveseat she occupied with her best friend, Peeta Mellark, and decided she couldn’t take the tension anymore. She had to do something about it.

Looking around, Katniss stood up and motioned Peeta to follow her. She put a finger to her lips to shush him, then wrapped her hand around his, and pulled him out of the den, where their families were celebrating raucously the victory they could practically taste.

“Where are we going?” Peeta whispered harshly, trying not to trip over his feet.

“Somewhere quiet, where we can be alone for a minute.” She responded in a similar tone. “Now, stop walking so loudly, would you?”

“Sorry.” He said sheepishly, and really tried to step lightly on Mrs. Everdeen’s pristine hardwood floors.

They made it to the kitchen, but instead of turning left, to the staircase leading upstairs to the bedrooms, Katniss went straight, out the kitchen door to the backyard, and on to the detached garage.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Peeta asked nervously.

The garage was Mr. Everdeen’s pseudo mancave, complete with a mini fridge, a rickety couch and an ancient TV set on top of his work bench. Their fathers hung out there for hours drinking beer, working on projects, deploring sports statistics and generally gossiping about whatever it was grown man gossiped about.

Katniss winked and closed the garage door with a click behind them.

"Our parents are so drunk, they won't even notice we left. Calm down." She told him as she fell to her knees, making quick work of his fly and undershorts.

Peeta tried to argue— honest! but Katniss was fast with those clever fingers of hers— her mouth on his cock shut him up quickly.

Peeta stood there uselessly, struggling between watching her suckle his dick while pumping the parts of him she couldn’t fit in her warm little mouth, and letting his head fall backwards and enjoy the ride until it was his turn to reciprocate the favor; and Lord in Heaven, did he wanted to reciprocate!

She had really gotten good at this, he thought when feeling the telltale tingling at the base of his spine. He was so close!

He couldn’t help his slow, whiny moan, “Katnisss… fuuuuck!” His eyes squeezed shut, his hands grabbed onto some surface he’d knocked his ass against when he started coming into Katniss’ gloriously wet mouth.

It wasn't until the door opened, that his eyes were able to focus again... on the angry face of Mr. Everdeen as he took in the sight of his daughter’s full mouth.

“What the fuck is this?!” The man slurred loudly.

Katniss scrambled to her feet, somehow blocking her father from seeing Peeta tuck himself back into his pants. But nothing prevented the man from watching his daughter wipe the corner of her mouth with the back of her hand.

It only took the man a surprising two steps to cross the garage and reach his child. He was about to grab her upper arm when Peeta pushed her behind his broader frame.

“I can explain!” Peeta shouted fanning out his arms to shield the girl.

“You can explain? What, how the two of you stabbed me and everyone else in the back by sneaking around like this?” Mr. Everdeen’s bloodshot eyes were crazed, spittle flew everywhere out of his mouth. “You can explain you disrespected my home and my daughter by taking advantage of her under my nose?”

“He didn’t take advantage of me!” Katniss protested ducking under Peeta’s outstretched arm to face her father. “I wanted to do it. I brought him out here ‘cause we like each other… a lot!”

Sensing danger, Peeta grabbed Katniss by the waist and shoved her out of the way. “Sir, I swear is not like—”

“You little shit!“ Mr. Everdeen took ahold of the boy’s collar and yanked him away from Katniss.

She leapt forward, scratching at her father’s wrist. “Stop it! Let him go!”

“What’s going on?!” Another man’s voice boomed in the chilly room.

As if the situation wasn’t mortifying enough, everybody spilled out of the house and crowded around the garage’s open door, watching the scene with wide eyes.

Mrs. Everdeen rushed forward to pry her husband’s fingers from Peeta’s crumpled, stretched out shirt.

Mr. Everdeen rounded up on his neighbor and best buddy, “I’ll tell you what’s going on. I caught your back-stabbing son defiling my daughter!”

“What? That is preposterous. Our Peeta is a good boy. He would never do such a thing. It was probably that wild child of yours that threw herself at him.” Said Mrs. Mellark in that condescending tone she liked using even on her own family.

“I beg your pardon?” Mrs. Everdeen dusted her slacks exaggeratedly. “Katniss isn’t wild!”

“It’s that boy of yours! I knew his innocent, helpful, quiet kid next door facade wasn’t to be trusted! He better not had gotten my baby pregnant, or there will be hell to pay!”

“First you’ll have to prove it’s his. I’m more worried my son could’ve contracted something!”

“How dare you insinuate—“

“Enough!” Bellowed uncle Haymitch, whom usually had his moments of deep wisdom when really inebriated. “Y’all are acting like a bunch of morons! All you’re accomplishing with this yellin’ is making your kids even dumber than they already are.”

Ouch!

Everyone stopped bickering at once, looking rightly shamed and partly stunned by Haymitch’s outburst.

“Now, there ain’t enough booze in this house to make freezing my ass out here, worth watching y’all bitch over two fucking 18 year old college students who’ve been glued at the hip since I can remember, doing the horizontal lambada together.”

Nobody argued, so Haymitch continued.

“I’m not saying what the Boy and Sweetheart did was smart, it was in fact pretty stupid. But you too did dumb shit as horny teenagers,” Haymitch glared a both sets of parents, now blushing. “Give the kids credit, they’re legally adults. You’re blind if you haven’t noticed them making puppy-dog eyes at each other. Is sickening!

“I’m starving, and it’s too cold for this shit!” Haymitch burped, “I’m going inside now.”

Peeta and Katniss were wrapped around each other during the hullabaloo. But slowly loosen their hold to face their family.

“I’m not… pregnant.” Katniss squeaked. “Not even a small chance.”

“Neither of us has any diseases.” Muttered Peeta scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably. “Not much chance for that either.”

“How can you be so sure?” Mr. Everdeen snapped, still not ready to let his anger go.

“What are you using for birth control? You can’t depend on condoms alone,” Declared Mrs. Everdeen.

“Mom!” Exclaimed Katniss scowling, “Geez! We are not actually doing it! What Daddy walked in on— and believe me, I wish he’d never seen that— is as far as we’ve gone.”

She peered up at Peeta and he smiled down at her, squeezing her hand in his.

“Look,” Peeta exhaled and then faced their parents. “We are sorry we didn’t say anything before, but we knew you guys would react… exactly like you did. We can assure you, nobody has anything to worry about. But just to put your minds at ease...” He took a decidedly shaky, deep breath and confessed, “We are still… virgins.”

“TMI, dude! Nobody needed to know that!” Called Peeta’s middle brother. His girlfriend’s bulging eyes followed the shit show with interest.

Peeta threw his brother a withering glare, but it was Katniss’ fourteen year old sister, Primrose, who answered.

“Oh please! Why the Hellman’s real mayonnaise are you here then, Rye?! You didn’t protest our parents belittling Katniss and Peeta in front of everyone, when Daddy interrupted their private moment! Grow up!” The teen crossed her arms over her chest petulantly.

Maybe Prim felt a tad jealous and kinda out of sorts seeing her secret crush’s girlfriend at her house, but nobody messed with her sister and brother-in-law on her watch! The thought made Prim looked guiltily at her parents; but then she remembered how they’d been screaming, blowing things out of proportion, and felt smuggly vindicated. She could still hold a couple of secrets for her sister without blabbing.

“Everyone should be happy Katniss and Peeta are together. They love each other and will keep each other safe! Uncle Haymitch’s right, you guys are just selfish.” Primrose turned on her heels so fast heading for the kitchen, her long, blond braid smacked Rye on the chest with a dull thud.

Mr. Everdeen sighed. “I’m still angry with you both. And I still think you were disrespectful. But I guess Prim’s right. We’re lucky Katniss is not bringing home some lazy hooligan with a criminal record. I just wished…”

“I know, Daddy.” Soothed Katniss still holding Peeta’s hand. “I’m sorry. We both are.”

“We, all are.” Said Mrs. Everdeen sidling with her husband. Then she turned to the Mellarks, “I think we all owe the kids an apology. And each other.”

Everyone apologized for the things they said and promised to be more supportive and less reactionary, despite still being disappointed Katniss and Peeta hid their relationship from them.

“Well, that was terrifying.” Peeta whispered shuddering when their families finally left them alone.

Katniss chuckled. “I know. I wonder if we should’ve told them this all started ‘cause we got shit-faced and eloped two weeks ago?”

Peeta smiled wryly, wrapping an arm around his “for-now” wife. “Nah. My mom would’ve gotten an aneurysm. She’d probably drag us to the hospital to get tested for STDS, pregnancies and DNA. In that order.”

“Yeah but, they would’ve calmed down when we told them we were getting an annulment.” Katniss said a little unsure.

“About that…” Peeta trailed off catching Katniss’ curious eyes peering up at him from his chest. “What if… we just kept… married?”

Katniss bobbed her head, although there was nothing to consider, really. “We could apply for housing together.” She offered.

“Share expenses.”

“Go further... than oral?” The question came out high pitched and ragged.

Peeta breathed out a sigh of relief, he wasn’t the only one thinking about it.

He nodded readily. “Together?” He bit his lip, and pulled a black pouch out of his pants pocket. A ring with an iridescent pearl on top spilled into his open palm.

Katniss’ eyes widened, but she lifted her left hand, spreading her fingers apart so Peeta could slip the ring in place.

Admiring her new jewelry, Katniss smiled.

“Together!” She confirmed rising on tiptoes to kiss her “for-Always” husband in the lips.

#everlark fanfiction #my fics #modern #fluffy ending ‘cause I cant help it

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princess-of-the-corner · 5 years

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Lady Luck AU: Lila.

So, for those who don’t remember, the Lady Luck AU is where Chloé is given the Ladybug Miraculous instead of Marinette, and this kicks off her ‘try to be better’ thing, especially with Adrien and Tikki (And Plagg, sort of) encouraging her.

So of course things are different with the Lila situation. Partly because Chloé is less likely to back down from Lila, partly because more people know about Chloé being Lady Luck, and therefore believe her. Let’s go through this episode by episode:

Volpina

Characters who know that Chloé is Lady Luck: Adrien, Marinette(learns this in the AU’s version of Antibug), and Alix(technically she only suspects it, but is quiet about it.). Marinette and Alix don’t know about Adrien being Chat though.

Lila shows up like usual, claiming to be bffs with Lady Luck.

Chloé honestly doesn’t care much about Lila at first. After all, if it becomes a problem Lady Luck can show up and clear it up.

Marinette is suspicious af and a good person so she wants to figure out what’s up with Lila and get her to stop

Adrien is still the ‘her lies aren’t hurting anyone(yet) so I’ll just let it go’ guy.

Alix is unsure what to do as she is only suspicious and doesn’t have proof either way and doesn’t really come into play here.

Adrien still took the Book Of Miraculous Bullshittery from his dad’s office. He asks Chloé to meet him in the library to talk about it.

They start discussing the book, and Tikki recognizes it and is like ‘We need to take this to The Guardian right away!’.

Before they discuss more of that, Lila shows up. She is heavily flirting with Adrien like usual, saying how she’s ‘bffs with Lady Luck’. Chloé’s just sitting there like “Get a load of this guy!”, but is getting more suspicious of Lila’s intentions

While Lila doesn’t steal the book, as Chloé knows it’s important and keeps an eye on it, she does see enough of it to get an idea.

Lila gets Adrien to agree to meet her in the park, and they both leave.

Chloé finds out that Marinette was behind a bookshelf eavesdropping on them and is just as suspicious about Lila.

They agree that Mari should follow Lila to the park while Chloé deals with the Book.

Lila does her usual deal of trying to convince Adrien that she’s a Fox Hero, but he’s actually the one to call her out on it.

He does make a half-truth and says he knows she’s lying because “Ladyluck was looking for you to discuss the false interview you gave’.

Lila is still pissed at Lady Luck for calling her out and becomes Volpina.

Chloé is on the way to Master Fu’s place when both Adrien and Marinette message her about what Lila did. Needless to say Chloé is fucking pissed. She also gets the alert about Volpina and decides to investigate that, putting the book thing on hold.

Both Lady Luck and Chat Noir are suspicious of Volpina being a Hero, considering Lila just tried that shit and might be an Akuma. Lady Luck decides to mess with her a little and also test her.

She does the ‘oh of course you’re a new hero! Btw us heroes don’t have secret identites with eachother, just civillians. Isn’t that right Richard?’ Chat plays along with a ‘of course Solaris!” (Bonus points if you know what those names are referencing). Volpina asks them to detransform, since they’re revealing identies and all. Lady Luck says ‘oh it won’t matter if we do! We’re total nobodies and wouldn’t really be recognizable. In a city this big I doubt we’d even pass each other by chance!’.

They ask more questions, making up things. Like, Lady Luck: “So what was your Trial like?” Volpina: “Trial?” Lady Luck: “Your Trial to be a hero of course! The whole ‘magic pocket dimension to prove your worthiness to wield a Miraculous?” Volpina: “Oh, right, that! Totally aced it. Pretty easy if you ask me!”.

When they call her out on it, Volpina goes to Plan B: convincing Adrien she’s really a Hero.

This whole thing goes pretty much the same. Chat goes back to his room to try and talk her down and/or trick her that way.

Volpina then heads out to the Eiffel Tower and dangles a fake Adrien off it.

Lady Luck knows that Adrien is fake because Chat is next to her, but it sounds real enough that she falters for a moment. Still they get through and defeat her.

Lady Luck does not apologize to Lila at all. In fact she might make at least a snarky comment at her.

Both Chloé and Adrien bring the Book to Master Fu.

Chameleon

Characters who know about Chloé being Lady Luck at this point: Adrien, Marinette, Alix(hasn’t had it outright confirmed, but is 99% sure), Sabrina(Learned when she became Abielle), and Mylene (learned when she became Turtledove).

Due to the events of the Queen’s Battle Trilogy, Chloé has been spending a lot of time at Marinette’s house. On these mornings she ends up being just as late as Marinette.

This is one of those mornings. They both assume the rearrangement is for Mari to sit by Adrien, but everyone’s like ‘nah we moved Mari to the back because Lila needs to sit in front’.

Chloé calls them out on that. “I would’ve expected you to send me to the back since you all hate me. But sending her to the back?” they’re all like ‘well you would’ve thrown a bitchfit so...” and she’s like ‘Didn’t stop you chucklefucks last time!’.

They call her out on some of her lies so far, with Chloé ignoring Miss Bustier trying to mediate the situation.

Alya accuses them of being jealous of Lila being near Adrien and both Chloé and Marinette are like ‘what the fuck are you talking about?’. She clarifies that they’re being mean to Lila because of their crushes on Adrien. Both deny that they have a crush on him.

Alya’s like ‘sorry to out your crush Mari but come on you can’t just attack someone because you’re jealous’.

Marinette replies that she does not, in fact, have a crush on Adrien. Alya counters with previous events trying to set them up, and Mari calls her out on the fact that those were Alya’s ideas.

Alya then says ‘okay, but you’ve told me how the guy you like is blonde with green eyes and is a dork that likes puns!’ Marinette answers with ‘That may be, but it’s not Adrien.’.

She also says that it’s not that she doesn’t like Adrien. She’s just in love with someone else and even says ‘maybe if I didn’t fall for him… you know?”.

Adrien is DYING because the guy she’s in love with is Chat Noir. Because Marichat is Canon by this point. The class thinks he’s dying because Mari just ‘shot him down’.

Marinette also points out that if she’s going to be a jerk to everyone who likes Adrien, then why isn’t she a jerk to Chloé over her supposed crush? No, her and Chloé are actually friends now and in fact literally just came from a sleepover.

Alya is real surprised by this, because she hadn’t noticed Chloé being a better person, and had no clue she and Mari were friends. Especially not to the point of sleepovers on schoolnights.

The class then addresses Chloé’s jealousy, bringing up the fact that she’s all over him all the time and used to go on about loving him. She’s just like “Yeah, it was the only way to keep his fangirls from harassing me but idk if you noticed but I’ve been trying to set him up with his dream girl?’.

She then goes on with ‘speaking of harassment though, let’s focus back on Lila and how my dislike of her is not just because she lies but because she tried to manipulate Adrien into dating her!’.

Adrien is encouraged to confess the stuff that happened in Volpina, how Lila claimed to have the Fox Miraculous in an attempt to make him like her.

Lila’s lie to cover for this? Claiming she wasn’t lying, she really is the Fox Hero! She only told Adrien because she wanted to impress him, but it totally wasn’t a lie!

Everyone goes ‘but you look nothing like Fennette!’. She ‘explains’ that her power is Illusion so obvs she looks different.

Adrien points out that Lady Luck told him directly that she wasn’t her friend. Lila says ‘She was the one lying. See, she has a crush on you and was kinda upset that I was interested in you. We had a bit of a fight but it’s fine now!’.

Chloé then asks about Volpina, since that was the first ‘Fox Hero’ to appear. Lila answers ‘oh, well, I was originally Volpina. But some people thought I was an Akuma so I decided to remake my Hero Persona!’.

Chloé then says ‘Well now I definitly don’t want you anywhere near Adrien, considering Volpina was the one who broke into his bedroom and kidnapped him to the top of the Eiffel Tower!’.

Oh boy. Lila manages to cover that with a ‘Okay, so that part was a half-truth. I was Akumatized, but Lady Luck begged me not to tell people about that because she doesn’t want people to worry that Heroes might get Akumatized.’

Marinette then gets her round of ‘fuck you’ by asking about the fact that Fennette and Chat Noir are dating. If Lila is Fennette then obvs she’s dating Chat so why is she going after Adrien? Lila says ‘oh, that romance is fake. See, Chat’s actually gay and wanted me to cover for him. But he’s decided recently to come out so I can tell you guys and clear that up!’. (Adrien is still DYING)

By the end of all this, Miss Bustier finally reins in the class and says ‘look. While I believe there are a lot of misunderstandings here, I also understand that these events have caused some of you to be a bit uncomfortable. If some of you would like to rearrange your seats, lets do it now.”

The seat rearrangement ends up with basically a split between the class.

Chloé’s side includes Adrien, Marinette, Sabrina, Alix, Mylene and Ivan.

Ivan is a bit confused over why Mylene believes Chloé, but he’s already guessed that she’s Turtledove. So she would know whether Lila is being honest or not. He also begins to suspect Chloé might be Lady Luck because of this(He later gets confirmation in Oblivio, as well as confirmation on the other Heroes).

Everyone else is on Lila’s side. Although there’s also a split there.

Alya, Kim and Max all 100% believe that Lila is telling the truth and Chloé’s just being a jerk like usual, and Mari’s jealous.

Nino, Rose, Juleka and Nathaniel are a little different. While they think Lila might be honest and all, they don’t think this is just about drama. That said they are defending her.

Lunch continues the split, with the Hero Group and Lila’s fanclub

Chloé purposely goes to the bathroom and waits for Lila to follow her because tbh she know the old bullying tricks.

Lila tries the ‘we got off on the wrong foot how about we be friends?’ thing, and Chloé tells her to fuck right off.

Lila tries the different approach, of ‘we could rule the school together!’, and Chloé again tells her to fuck right off.

She then goes with the ‘I’ll make all your friends turn against you then!’ thing. And Chloé laughs in her face saying ‘bitch they already hate me! You can’t do shit!’.

After Lila leaves, Chloé does get upset at the potential of that threat. Because while she’s used to everyone hating her, she’s been making progress over the last year and the idea of everyone hating her for things she didn’t actually do is terrifying

She almost gets Aumatized, but reminds herself that she has people on her side for once. Her closest friends know that Lila is a trick ass bitch, and wouldn’t fall for anything Lila says.

The rest of Chameleon happens pretty much the same, up to the ending.

Adrien suggests the ‘take the high road’ option, but Chloé’s like ‘yeah, sit back and let her do what she’s doing. Worked out great for me!’. And he’s like ‘okay, you have a point...’.

The seating situation isn’t fixed, it’s still split.

While Marinette does try to remain friends with Alya, she isn’t dropping the Lila thing any time soon. It causes some problems later on. Basically they’re still friends unless Lila comes up in conversation, and Mari refuses to hang out if Lila is there.

Oni-Chan

Some of this is still the same.

Adrien is still kinda naive about how bad Lila is, and agrees to help tutor her in an attempt to make peace.

Chloé advises him against it, considering all she’s done before.

Adrien’s like ‘look, let’s give her a chance. I mean, you changed for the better so maybe if we try she will too?’.

She has to give him that, but she makes him agree to do the tutoring somewhere public and with a group.

He sticks to that, convincing his father to let him stay over lunch to tutor her in the cafeteria. So how does Lila end up in his room? She lies her way in.

After Adrien goes home, Lila shows up and tells Nathalie she’s here to tutor Adrien since he misses class so much.

Nathalie believes it because of the previous schedule change with the lunch session, and lets her in.

Adrien is definitely very upset to have her in his room all of a sudden

He tries to play nice but she does the kiss selfie thing and he snaps

He storms downstairs and… I don’t want to say he yells at Nathalie because he’s sweet and he understands that Lila tricked her

But he very forcefully says ‘Whatever she told you was a lie. You should not have let her in. I do not want her anywhere near me.”

He storms back to his room before Gabriel can come yell at Nathalie, and Lila is escorted out by The Gorilla.

When Gabriel asks Nathalie about the incident, she admits to what happened and tells him what Adrien said about Lila.

Kagami is still Akumatized into Oni-Chan. But the fight goes differently.

First of all, Kagami isn’t Akumatized due to being jealous of the picture. She’s Akumatized because Adrien has mentioned Lila before and he sees how uncomfortable and low-key furious he is in the selfie. Adrien is her friend and she would’ve gone after Lila even without Hawkmoth’s help.

Secondly, Fennette, Abielle, and Turtledove are permanent heroes, so they’re all fighting her. When Lila tries to do the ‘oh no I’m injured can someone get me out of here?’ act, it’s either Abielle or Turtledove helping her.

The last part of this episode deals with the Marinette/Adrien subplot.

So, I mentioned in other posts about this AU that Marinette loves Chat Noir, and Adrien loves Marinette. At this point in the story Chat and Fennette are dating, but while he knows who she is, she doesn’t know who he is.

After this whole incident, Chloé makes the decision that Marinette has to know now.

The Kwami and Master Fu are kind of against this, but so far the lack of identity shenanigans between heroes has been helpful.

She feels that they should know because then Marinette can date Adrien and have an excuse to keep Lila off of him/perhaps she might quit if he’s ‘off the market’.

The reveal goes about as expected.

Adrien goes home and Gabriel asks him about what happened with Lila.

He tells the truth, that Lila is a classmate that has lied and manipulated before. He tried giving her a chance to be kinder, but she crossed several lines by lying her way into the house and forcing a kiss on him.

Tbh, Gabriel is very disgusted by Lila’s actions. While he thinks that she might be useful to ‘Hawkmoth’, he decides to keep her away from Adrien as much as possible.

Adrien also comes clean about his actual love interest, Marinette. Gabriel’s just like ‘hey out of all the friends you’ve made at school she’s like the only one I actually super approve of so go for it!’.

He does warn them that Mari would face some backlash from it, since she’s aiming to be a designer. People might say she’s with Adrien just to get ahead in the industry. Gabriel, having met Marinette and dealt with her sense of Justice before, knows that she isn’t doing that and absolutely doesn’t need to.

When Adrien and Marinette show up at school the next day and are being all couple-y, Alya kinda calls Marinette out on the ‘what happened to you not having a crush on Adrien’?

Mari kinda plays it off with ‘well I guess I have a type. I didn’t really realize how much I liked him until you pointed that out!’.

Lila tries to play the victim with ‘oh no you’re totally seducing him just to spite me!’.

Adrien snaps and is like ‘oh, btw, you’re officially banned from my house after your little stunt yesterday’.

They mostly leave her alone after that, but Chloé makes one last comment: “My mother would love you.” (like ¾ of the class physically recoils at that).

Mirculer

Lila kinda doesn’t actually play much of a part in this because of major plot changes. I mean, the whole AU involves Chloé having a Miraculous in the first place, so Lila can’t mess with her over that, and none of the other Heroes had a mental breakdown and revealed their identity to all of Paris, so she can’t mess with any of them.

I might change this if I can, but given what I have planned it’s unlikely.

Ladybug/Lady Luck

I’m only going to address the ‘Lila frame jobs’ thing here, and there’s a few changes in the how and who.

First of all, this has nothing to do with Hawkmoth since Gabriel actually likes both Marinette and Chloé. He does take advantage of the fallout, but he doesn’t cause it. This is all Lila.

Secondly, Lila focuses more on Chloé. While she hates both Chloé and Marinette, Chloé is the easier target due to the history of bullying, while people would probably be suspicious of sweet little Marinette being mean. Sure they believed it before, but since Marinette already ‘won’ Adrien, she has no reason to be jealous!

The whole chapter is Chloé playing into Lila’s lies just enough to disprove them.

Framed for cheating on a test?

Tbh someone suggested Tikki seeing the answer sheet being planted and sneaks it back onto Miss Bustier’s desk and I might snag that idea.

Barring that though, Chloé points out the weirdness of it. Like, why would she still have the answer sheet instead of throwing it away and not getting caught?

Furthermore, while she’s never cheated on a test before, Miss Bustier tends to grade homework during tests, and doesn’t notice when Chloé finishes a test and pulls out her phone for an online shopping spree. Why not just look up the answers on her phone instead of taking the risk of being caught stealing the answer sheet?

Chloé also plays up the dramatics of ‘Here I am, trying to be a nice person. But someone still holds such a grudge that they’d plant evidence as revenge! Or just to give everyone else a reason to believe I’m not trying!”.

Accused of pushing Lila down the stairs?

Instead of saying ‘uh, she just walked down and started screaming?’, Chloé plays along a bit.

“Oh no, I didn’t push her! She tripped and fell. I understand why she assumed she was pushed though, as we do have some animosity, but I don’t want her harmed! In all my years here when have I ever gone with a physical assault? Perhaps we should check the security cameras to be sure?”

Lila realizes that would show her walking down and decides to agree that she ‘hastily assumed because of their fighting’.

Oh no! Someone stole Lila’s necklace, an heirloom from her grandmother! And what’s this? It’s in Chloé’s locker!

Chloé just calmly says ‘that isn’t your grandmother’s necklace.’. Lila insists it is, and the teachers start to believe her act.

Chloé just says ‘That’s a necklace from the Agreste Collection. I bought it last year. I found it again when cleaning out my closet and was going to see if one of my friends wanted it since it’s out of season now. Actually, Marinette has one too.”

Obvs the necklace is actually Lila’s, but Chloé is playing it cool since she recognized it immediately. Marinette just shows off her Miraculous, which looks similar enough to the necklace to fool everyone else.

Lila says ‘okay but this one is mine!’. Chloé points out ‘That necklace can’t be yours since you said your necklace was an heirloom from your grandmother. I’m sure it’s around here somewhere. Hey, maybe it was stolen! Last year a small magic creature stole my bracelet and I accused some people until Lady Luck found it. Perhaps the same happened to you!’.

I’m debating about this being the moment where Lila gets exposed for lying and trying to frame her and all, with that being the event to trigger all the negative emotion with betrayal and/or righteous anger.

Either way I’m def making Miss Bustier handle things better here because 1. she deserves better too and 2. that instagram pic made me want her to replace Chloé’s mom so hell yeah.

Also I now I said I was just focusing on the Lila plot but you can bet your sweet ass that Senitmonster!Lady Luck is sticking around entirely because of my feelings over that episode of W.I.T.C.H.

#Lady Luck AU

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lunaraen · 5 years

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I figure a number of the people following me probably do because of a shared interest in Minecraft: Story Mode, and I’m absolutely going to take the time to gush and recommend a different series with a similar sense of humor and ability to balance the jokes with emotion. I know some of the people who follow me are also interested in series like Percy Jackson and Trollhunters, and I think The Last Kids on Earth series is on a similar level to them too, in the sense that it deals with stories about awesome and terrifying adventures featuring teenagers who are just doing their best and who haven’t lost their senses of humor. The Last Kids on Earth also has the benefit of, while being presented mainly through text, having many fun illustrations.

TL;DR: The Last Kids on Earth, written by Max Brallier and illustrated by Douglas Holgate, is a delightfully fun book series that twists what you might expect from a post-apocalyptic story with a just as fun Netflix mini-series adaptation, and while only Book One is up on Netflix now, it’s an hour and seven minute long episode. The series seems to be decently stocked in most libraries, including electronically, so if you’re looking for something fun, silly, and with heart to read, I definitely suggest at least checking out book one. If you want something fun, silly, and with heart to watch, and you also happen to have Netflix, I also definitely recommend watching Book One.

(Oh, and are you a total sucker for found families like I am? This series has you covered.)

More details about the first book and examples of the art and writing under the cut!

For starters, the series has a wonderfully fun art style, and the cover for the first book lets that shine. The other books’ covers are all fun too, but I think tumblr would kill this post many times over if I tried to include them all.

[ID: Illustrated cover, four defiant teenagers stand in a mostly circular formation while grey zombie-like figures with glowing yellow eyes surround them from behind. Each teenager is wielding a weapon, some of which are partly concealed and harder to identify. The character centered at the front holds a splintered and sharp baseball bat and is wearing nondescript pouches. The teenager behind him wields a crossbow with a modified soda-bottle-arrow loaded in it. The title reads “The Last Kids on Earth” in stylized green text with a dark blue border, while in smaller less stylized white text it reads “Max Brallier Author of Galactic Hot Dogs” at the top and “Illustrated by Douglas Holgate” at the bottom.]

The main character of the series, who we meet forty two days after the start of the apocalypse in his town and the Possible End of the World as We Know It™, is Jack Sullivan, a 13 year old whose foster family kinda-sorta-entirely ditched him at the first signs of trouble.

[ID: A white, black haired teenager frowning and holding a splintered baseball bat and a hockey stick while one foot rests on top of an unusual spiny reptilian-like monster head. The text above him reads in black “JACK SULLIVAN -The Hero-” while a number of flavor-text text boxes point out and describe different aspects of his apparel. One pointing to his hand reads “Annoying hand-nail I can’t stop picking at”. Another pointing at his bat says “Louisville Slicer™”. Another for his shoe, reading “Worst. Shoes. Ever.”. The hockey stick is labelled “Hockey Stick, for conking zombie heads.” The pouch at his side are described as “Emergency Peanut M&M Pouch”, while the filled water balloons also hanging at his side are labeled as “Grapefruit juice hand grenades- a blast to the eyes blinds almost anything.”]

He’s our narrator, and he copes largely through humor- a skill he needs even before the start of the apocalypse, because he’ll put himself in danger and say things he shouldn’t if it means sticking up for his best friend.

[ID: Text that reads “I felt Quint’s hand on my shirt, trying to stop me, saying ‘Jack, it’s fine...’ But it wasn’t fine. I hate jerks- whether they’re monster jerks or zombie jerks or just regular human jerks.”

Followed by illustration of characters on bus, Jack turned around in his seat and supporting himself with the back of his chair as he asks “Hey, Dirk, why don’t you pick on someone your own size, huh?” Quint, a black teenager, is sitting behind him and is partly obscured, staring at Jack and Dirk. Dirk, a large, tall white teenager with a mullet/mohawk, is a distance away from the characters and in the foreground of the image, and replies, “Find someone my size and I will.”

Text resumes, reading “I shrugged. ‘I’m sure we can find someone your size. Right, Quint?’ Quint looked out the window and closed his eye and started humming to himself, like he wasn’t involved in this. Sonofa... I turned back to Dirk. ‘Maybe a very rotund panda bear? That might be closer to your impressive figure.’ Dirk reached out and grabbed me by the collar. ‘Hey, Watch the jacket,’ I said. ‘It’s a five-time-hand-me-down. Might even be an antique.’ Dirk growled, ‘You think you’re funny?’ ‘I do. But to be fair, I also think people slipping on ice are funny. And guys getting hit in the groin. My sense of humor isn’t exactly sophisticated.’”]

From the start of the book, Jack handles the apocalypse pretty well, spending his time cataloging the monsters he comes across, keeping track of self made video-game like achievements like knocking off zombie hats, and we first find him focused on trying to get in touch with his previously mentioned best friend, Quint Baker.

[ID: Similar to previous flavor-text text box picture of Jack, with a black teenager smiling, wearing a lab coat and cap, holding a pocket watch, and wearing a large backpack with odd looking technology sticking out of it. In black, the text above him reads “QUINT BAKER -The Best Friend-”. A box pointing to his hat reads “Old-man cap.” Another points to his hair, reading “Hair smells like movie theater popcorn butter.” The pocket watch is described as “Pocket watch for looking dorky.” The text pointing at the technology sticking out of the backpack says “Always working on a new gadget or experiment.” The text for the lab coat reads “Wears a lab coat as a jacket for no good reason.” His sneaker is labelled with “Non-athlete’s foot.”]

Actually- to give you an even better idea of the series’ humor, this is pretty much where we start with Jack, followed by him explaining what he’s been doing and how he got here.

[ID: Jack in mid-air, the bat raised above his head and his legs bent to suggest he has leaped forward, above a large multi-eyed spiny monster that has many sharp teeth, two large tusks, and a long drooling tongue. In black, text above the creature reads “Deadly Duel!” In the lower right-hand corner, all-caps white text in a small black box asks “Who will triumph?!”]

(By the by, the “duel” kind of goes the way you think it would.)

[ID: Text reading “Well, basically, he triumphs. The monster’s massive hand snatches me out of midair. I’m a thimble in his gargantuan grasp. I try to grab hold of my baseball bat blade (aka the Louisville Slicer) but the monster’s crushing grip pins my arms to my sides. He pulls me in close to his face. Thick saliva, like slime, oozes down his lips. His eyes scan me over and his gaping nostrils flair as he inhales my scent. I feel like that blonde babe in King Kong. Only I don’t think this beast wants to hug me and love me... He sniffs some more, blowing my hair back as he exhales. I turn my face. His breath, it’s just- wow- my man here needs to floss. I’ve encountered other freaky beasts over the last forty-two days, but none like this. None that examined me: looking me over, smelling me, studying me.”]

Then we get all the fun backstory end of the world stuff.

[ID: White all-caps text at the top reads “Total monster zombie chaos” while below a large multi-armed, spiny, sharp-toothed, furry monster towers over a sea of zombies, flinging one car in the air as another car sits in the background.]

The end of the world monsters include everything from weird unfamiliar creatures like the one above to more familiar weird creatures like the typical zombie below.

[ID: A zombie in ripped clothing, with black text at the top labeling it a “Classic Zombie”. A speech bubble from it in shaky text reads “Mmuhhh...” and various flavor-text text boxes surround it. The speech-bubble is labeled as “Constant, creepy moaning.” The head’s text box reads “Those empty eyes- they’re spooksville.” The mouth is pointed at and its box says “Bite you and you’re one of them. Undead!” One pointing at its back warns “Stink like hot garbage.” The feet are described as “Slow, until they get close- then fast!”]

And for all the wisecracks and jokes about how well he can handle the new apocalyptic world, early on Jack is shown to be more than just a 2-D smart-mouthing teenage protagonist. He’s pretty good at coping, but he’s still 13.

[ID: Illustration above text, showing a walkietalkie shattering as it hits a rock. Black all-caps text reads “Smash!”

Normal text reads “I stared at the walkie on the ground below. I needed to talk to Quint, but -I’m embarrassed to admit- I was too scared to go down there. Too freaked out. Too scared. Too everything. So I curled up on the floor. I pulled a jacket down over me. I put my earphones in to drown out the sounds of chaos outside. And I slept. I slept for days. It got worse. Zombies everywhere. Giant monsters on the horizon. I blacked out the tree house windows and stayed put.”]

Jack doesn’t stay alone for long, though, and the first book follows him and his friends as they help each other not only survive their crazy new world but also live in it, and maybe actually have some fun along the way. While the first book largely focuses on the group coming together, later stories ramp up the scope of adventures and the threats they face while letting the characters’ interactions and care for each other shine. There’s fun development to be had and cool monster-butt to kick.

(This was my first time writing image descriptions- if you think they can be improved, let me know!)

#The Last Kids on Earth #Last Kids on Earth

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kuuderekun · 4 years

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I think more Sailor Moon fans need to check out other Magical Girl Warrior Anime

Back during the era of Nolan's Batman movies it was in certain places online like IMDB message boards very popular to express the opinion that Robin's existence is inherently bad for Batman. That Batman should be a loner and throwing in this kid sidekick only dumbs the stories down. I was always agaisnt that mentality, and today most major voices in the internet Western Comic Book Nerd community reject that as really narrow minded and know that your really not much of a Batman fan at all if you completely reject such a large portion of what the Batman mythos are. As someone who remembers all of that while currently being a Millennial Otaku in an era where our current Nostalgia cycle has brought a number of old 90s Anime back into public conciseness. I feel like the Anime equivalent of that is the prevalence of Sailor Moon fans who wish Tuxedo Mask didn't exist, that position is nearly unanimous among the guests on the Sailor Business podcast. I actually have more sympathy for this position even though it's less supportable (Tuxedo Mask was there from issue one unlike Robin) because my own preferences for female lead Anime and Superhero stories are often similar, I'm a Yuri Fanatic who likes watching Anime where it's possible to pretend men don't even exist in that fictional world. But when it comes to Sailor Moon my position is Mamoru/Darrien is just as essential as Lois Lane is to Superman, or Mary Jane to Spiderman, or Iris West to Barry Allen, or Sif to Thor. Now talking about Tuxedo Mask is complicated by how the 90s Anime handled him very differently. This may shock some people to learn, but there are Sailor Moon Manga purists who hate everything about the 90s Anime. He's not in High School not Collage in the Manga (and in the Japan the age difference between middle school and high school is smaller then it is here, they are in fact only 2-3 years apart) Mamoru isn't constantly a jerk to her early on, Usagi isn't nearly as childish and Tuxedo Mask actually contributes more. That element also fits the Robin comparison, the rejection of Robin was partly from how for a long time the mainstream public perception of Robin was Burt Ward and Chris O'Donnell. And indeed I think the best western Comic Book analogy for those Manga purists who hate the Anime are people who still hate the Adam West and Shumacker takes on Batman. Those of us who have read Robin(s) as written by for example Chuck Dixon or Marv Wolfman know the concept can be taken seriously. However some people don't like Mamoru even in the Manga, or heck some even find him worse in the Manga. These people simply hate the idea of tuning in to a show about a Superheroine (or "Female Superhero" as the CW's Supergirl pilot kept insisting on saying) where she is also constantly being rescued. Now most of those "rescues" range from cheer-leading her to adding a little minor assist like female love interests of male superhero get to contribute all the time, and the final climax of the original story-line is her saving him. But these fans want male love interests to contribute 0% to their Superheroine stories. Thing is that apparent contradiction is not a bug but a feature, it is kind of the entire premise of Sailor Moon. Film Flux did a video on the Sailor Moon Manga that helped me to clarify this. Superhero stories are at their core wish fulfillment fantasies, and like it or not many young girls fantasize both about being a Superhero and being a Damsel rescued by a handsome prince (and some young boys have the same fantasies). While most Mangaka might have written two completely separate stories to express those fantasies Naoko Takeuchi said Frak It and did both simultaneously, she wrote a story where an average Japanese school girl gets to be both Snow White and Wonder Woman at the same time. The premise of Sailor Moon is foundationally about having your cake and eating it too. Now you don't have to also be into that, my point is that this Prince Charming isn't something that's part of the story because of executive meddling. (If anything it's having other Girls helping her that was, Takeuchi's original vision was a solo Super-heroine, it was Toei that wanted a team so they could sell more toys.) And so if you fundamentally don't like that, you kind of don't like the premise of Sailor Moon. The reason why in America Sailor Moon is popular with many people who actually share only half of Takeuchi's fantasy is because on mid 90s television she was the only Superheroine we had to choose from at all. Thing is it's now possible for Americans to watch almost any Anime they want to, and the sub-genre Sailor Moon spawned has evolved to provide plenty of shows that can better provide what these Sailor Moon fans actually want. I think there are plenty of people who might actually like the rest of the genre more but have still only seen Sailor Moon because they've never searched for Anime beyond what airs on Toonami, or because they're assuming them to be Sailor Moon knock offs with no actual creativity. But the truth is even the ones most similar to Sailor Moon are still just as distinct as Green Arrow is from Batman. All or at least most Pretty Cure shows have no Tuxedo Mask analogue, a few have Het love interests who are civilians, like Peter Parker crushing on Liz Allan or Mary Jane in the Raimi films, but most don't even have that. Madoka Magica and Yuki Yuna Is A Hero and Symphogear provide no Het romance for the main character at all. Pretty Sammy and Nanoha also work, and Prisma Illya is....... not a good one to start with. Corrector Yui doesn't seem to have a Tuxedo Mask figure from what I've seen so far, on Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne there is one kinda but he's a rival thief. On Saint Tail the love interest is the guy trying to catch her, so it's like Batman and Catwoman but if Catwoman was stealing things because God wanted her to do it???? I'm still not sure what show's premise actually is. In Galaxy Fraulein Yuna there is a Tuxedo Mask but she's a woman, so those of you who enjoy having your sexuality confused by Takerazuka style Mamoru in the new Musicals might enjoy that. Even Wedding Peach is distinct on this issue since the person who could be called the Tuxedo Mask of the show is not the title character's love interest. So I'm hoping once these Sailor Moon fans can get their no Tuxedo Mask Magical Girl fix elsewhere they can be open to appreciating Mamoru once they seem him portrayed correctly on Crystal( just make sure you're watching the BluRay rips) or even the Live Action show PGSM. I also still recommend that Sailor Moon Fan Film from 2016.

https://jaredmithrandirolorin.blogspot.com/2020/08/i-think-more-sailor-moon-fans-need-to.html

#Sailor Moon #Tuxedo Mask #Batman #Robin #Batman and Robin #PreCure #Pretty Cure #Madoka Magica #Nanoha #Pretty Sammy #Saint Tail #galaxy fraulein yuna #yuki yuna is a hero #PGSM

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legitimateluffy · 4 years

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Hey, if it's not too much too ask, what do you find attractive in men and women? It's always interesting to hear what bi people respond with and what they find attractive in a women but not a man and vice versa.

Hmm I’m gonna kinda be honesty I don’t really know or can exactly describe what I find attractive based on gender specifically??

I’m just, much more attracted to women?? why?? idk. I also see a lot of men and go “......eh” because you’ve gotta be hella good looking for me to find you even remotely attractive (physically) if you’re a guy.

I know this is gonna be me talking about not physical traits but I still think this all somewhat relates to my attraction to specific genders.

That could be because partly I just prefer women in general for everything (example being I trust women a lot more than I trust men but that’s not to say that all women are good and/or all men are bad). It could be anxiety or something but honestly when I’m walking around by myself and I see a guy, I usually assess where I am and my options in case something happens but I have not once ever done that with a woman. So really, you need to work a lot more for me to gain trust in men as opposed to women where most of the time they just naturally have my trust. I know it’s not really to do with being “attracted” to people (or maybe it is idk) but I think that’s a large part of how I interact with people. Is it wrong? Perhaps, but I always try my best to protect myself because quite frankly, I’m somewhat afraid of the world.

Women feel a lot more friendly to me and thus, I just feel naturally more attracted to them. (also from the gross stuff I’ve witnessed/ had to deal with irl, men have always been the one to instigate such things, such as making inappropriate comments about my body, inappropriate stares and just indecent acts to others that honestly result in me feeling quite violated to an extent while I’m there)

It could also be the fact that women are usually more ‘mature’ than men (again, that isn’t to say men can’t be mature, this is just my personal experience). For example my best friend’s bf is a couple years older than her but honestly he acts like a child sometimes (not in a cute way) and idk man, I just don’t really see that in women.

Physical trait wise?? Idk I guess with women I really focus on their eyes (my crush has such amazing eyes I honestly can’t stare at them for too long otherwise I know I’ll get sucked in) and their smile? maybe their hair too but I wouldn’t say it’s a major factor whereas with men I think it’s also their smile. Also probably their hair is a major factor?? Again I’m not really sure I can pin point exact traits to specific genders as to what I find attractive. I’m very much someone who really needs an emotional connection with someone before I truly find them attractive

#I know this isn't the answer you were probably looking for anon sorry #Anonymous #ask box

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sanders-specs · 5 years

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My Ace Story

A few people seemed to be interested in this, so here it is for anyone who wants to read. It’s pretty long, over 2k words. I just had a lot of feelings and thoughts about this whole thing and I had a sudden urge to just write it all down. I don’t know, maybe it’ll help someone, but this really just for me. To get these thoughts out of my head. Again, it’s pretty long, so it’s all under the cut.

I’ve seen a lot of ace stories since I started looking into asexuality. Since I first thought I myself might be ace. All of those stories seemed to talk about some revelation, some moment where everything seemed to fall into place. I know not everyone’s stories are the same, but I just saw a lot of things that seemed to be common for a lot of ace people. I’ve never really seen one like mine, though, so here it is.

For me being ace was never something that was loud. It was never in my face. I never had a sudden realization or an ‘aha!’ moment. It was all a really slow, really quiet understanding of the way I’ve been feeling for the past ten years of my life (roughly after I started puberty, though I suppose you could argue it goes further back than that).

I was never told I was weird. Or wrong. Or alien. So I never really felt that way. There were a few days, here and there, where I wondered to myself why I didn’t seem to look at other people the way my friends seem to, but I’d always dismiss it and move on with my life.

Here’s the thing, though. Sex has never been an open conversation to me. I learned about sex through fanfiction (really bad fanfiction I might add). My mom never sat me down and told me about it. It’s never been a topic openly discussed in my house. Even now that I’m almost twenty, it’s just not something we really talk about.

I don’t blame my mom. She was never comfortable talking about any ‘privet’ stuff with me. She never talked about that stuff with her own mother. I always had to ask about periods and anything else pertaining my body. She once told me that even though she was uncomfortable, she forced herself to talk about it when I asked questions because she wanted to be there for me.

So no, I can’t blame her. It was just never something I asked about.

I never thought to ask about it. It was never something I was concerned with. Sure, I’d read about it in fanfic or books, or I’d see sex scenes on TV shows or movies. Those would intrigue me, in the way that learning how something works intrigues me. I guess I just thought I’d figure it out when the time came. It never occurred to me to experiment. It was never something I was comfortable with.

My friends never talked about it either. We were a group of loners, a group of nerds of varying degrees. None of us really had partners for a while, until high school at least (with a few exceptions). But we never talked about sex. Not even when people started pairing off. At least, they never talked about sex around me.

Maybe it was the demeanor I had. Maybe it was the shyness or the social anxiety. But I was always the ‘innocent one.’ I was always the “wow she never swears!” “She’s a good girl” person of our group. So they felt like they had to ‘preserve’ my ‘innocence.’

Now, I don’t ever recall anyone saying those things to me in a serious way. Jokes, sure, but I think the jokes got into my head and festered. Most of those things were just my perception. How I felt. But I honestly do think that on some level they were real.

And it got under my skin. It annoyed me that I seemed to me on the outside of some joke everyone seemed to be in on and no one was willing to explain it to me. I was annoyed that I felt like I was being treated like a five year old by my own friends.

That’s probably the most extreme emotion I ever felt about the whole thing. It was less about my own sexuality, though, and more about how I was being treated because of it (even though I didn’t realize it at the time. I still considered myself straight).

I did take a moment to think about why I was so upset. Because, well, they were right. I honestly didn’t know much about sex. Talking about it made me flustered and uncomfortable. So I pretty much resigned myself to my feelings about it all, and internalized it. Not the healthiest thing to do (and I did end up having a breakdown about it, and eventually talking to my friends about it. I am a lot better about it all now).

For the most part, though, it was just little confusions. Not understanding why someone would want to have sex in the bathrooms, why people would make out in the hallways, why my school had a literally stairwell (out of three) that pretty much everyone—student body and staff—knew to avoid in the mornings because that’s where couples went to make out (or do more). I couldn’t for the life of me understand why a group of boys would go to the effort to sneak into the ceiling and cut out a hole in the tiles of the girls bathroom to spy in there (yes, that’s something that actually happened and it amuses, baffles, and angers me to this day).

I just couldn’t wrap my head around it all. Even at a younger age, it baffled me. I remember in fifth grade there was a boy who a girl in my glass always bickered and fought with. They weren’t in the same class, so it was mostly shouting across the lunch tables or playground bickering. Then one day when our two classes got together for a movie day, I saw them holding hands and cuddling and I was just…baffled. Completely and utterly confused. My first thought was honestly “wait, are they allowed to do that?” followed by “wait…what? why?”

Then there was the ever so wonderful sex ed class in eighth grade. Okay, honestly, it was more of a ‘scare these girls into never having sex because dieses’ class. The instructor even went on the assumption that everyone knew what sex was and how it worked, so I spent a majority of the class just vaguely confused and wondering why the hell would anyone ever want to have sex, it sounded terrible.

In high school, every single year at the beginning of the year we all got the same lecture on not sending nudes. It was illegal, could ruin your life, all that jazz. Every time, I would always think “who in their right mind would want to do that?” Partly because I’m very much of a stick to the rules and law kind of girl (mostly) but also because the entire concept confused me. I never understood what the point was. I always thought if you want to send a picture to your partner, just send one of you looking nice. Why do you have to be naked? What is the point?

I guess I also didn’t understand the kind of vulnerability a person would be putting themselves in with that situation. I don’t know. It still confuses me, but I’ve just let it go at this point.

Those are just some of the bigger stuff. There were a lot of smaller things. Conversations I overheard, offhand comments, jokes that went over my head.

Even through all of that, though, I never thought I was weird. I never thought of myself as different. I honestly reasoned it with “well, there are over seven billion people on this earth, so the chances of me being the only person on the world who feels this way is honestly really small” and I would go about my day. Seriously. That’s how I validated myself. I just assumed everyone felt the same way until they proved otherwise.

And like I said before, it wasn’t really my biggest concern. I knew I was attracted to guys in some form or fashion, so I just figured I was straight. I didn’t know asexuality was a thing.

I always thought I felt sexual attraction, though. Everyone felt attracted to someone, right? I just thought “well, yeah, of course I do.” At the time it wasn’t even sexual attraction. It was just…sex.

I never stopped to think about what sexual attraction actually feels like.

I never stopped to realize all my ‘crushes’ were incredibly forced.

I never thought about it. I was far more concerned about school or clubs or literally anything else. No one ever really flirted with me (to my knowledge), sex was never offered to me, I never dated anyone. It was never a direct part of my life. Still isn’t, honestly.

It wasn’t really until I first heard the term asexual that I realized it was even a thing. I can’t even remember when I first heard the term. I remember the time after, and I remember the time before, but I can’t really remember when I first heard the word. I think it was when one of my friends introduced me to someone who was asexual, and they explained, but I can’t be sure.

The knowledge of it did open some doors for me. I didn’t really start researching it until a lot later when I started to seriously question myself, but the thought was always there in the back of my mind.

The thought “well at least I know I’m not asexual” flitted through my had far too many times throughout that year (I do remember that it was specifically my senior year of high school). I call that denial. Because it was. I was trying to convince myself that I wasn’t ace.

I should also mention that this was around the time when nearly all of my friends had come out. I was surrounded by LGBT+ people all the time (all of whom I love dearly), so it was something that was on my mind a lot. I was convinced that me wondering if asexuality fit me was just me trying to fit in with them. It wouldn’t have been the first time I’d done something to try and fit in with my friends. If I’m being honest, there’s still a part of me that kinda thinks that. That I just didn’t want to be the “token straight friend” (which I had been referred to multiple times, mostly as a joke I think, but something about it always bothered me a little) anymore. I was honestly really afraid of what they would say, so I never said anything to them about it for a long time.

There was this one time in my psychology class, though, that really started to make me realize I might be ace. We were going to have a whole class period talking about asexuality and whether or not it’s a thing. I was so excited for it. I was prepared to defend asexuality to the death. Then I ended up missing it because I had to make up a stupid quiz. I even tried to convince my teacher to let me take it later because I really wanted to be in that discussion, but because it “wasn’t going to be on the AP test” it didn’t matter.

I’m still bitter about it.

Mostly because when he told us we were going to talk about it, my first thought was “maybe this will help me determine if I’m asexual or not.”

It wasn’t really a thought that I acknowledged, apart from my disappointment of missing the whole thing. It was a thought that scared me, though, because it was serious. It was really the first time I started thinking that maybe I’m not straight, and it frightened me a little. So much so that I pushed it to the back of my mind after that day and didn’t think too much about it after that.

At least until after I graduated and started spending all day everyday at home with way too much time to think.

I remember that first new years after I graduated was the first time I ever even spoke the word asexuality out loud to another person.

I was talking with my friend Star, and we were talking about sex in some form or fashion, I don’t remember exactly, but I do remember they were the first person I ever talked about possibly being ace with. This was at a time where I was still in denial, still questioning, but talking with them even a little helped.

This was after months of researching, of reading blog posts about being ace, what it means. This was after I found the Thomas Sanders community that is full of ace and ace accepting people. Where asexuality is talked about in a positive and opening light. Thomas himself has ace friends who I greatly admire and look up to. It’s something I’ll forever be grateful for. Because of them, I started to feel more comfortable about the idea. Because of them, I learned and finally understood what asexuality even means beyond its textbook definition.

Because of them, I felt comfortable about talking about it with one of my closest friends.

There’s a lot I have to be grateful to that community for.

Really, it was after talking with Star that I really threw myself into it. More research, more speculation, more paying attention to my own feelings. I wasn’t scared about the idea anymore. Well, I was, but I felt like I needed to get through that. I needed to understand.

They’re still the person I feel the most comfortable talking about it with. They were there through all my rants, through my slow but sure acceptance of myself. I can’t count the number of times I messaged them just ranting about different ace things and my wonderings. I’m beyond glad I have someone like them in my life. Someone who didn’t even understand asexuality fully at the time but was completely accepting and supportive and eventually asked questions to better understand me and asexuality as a whole.

So now I’m on the other side of it. Like I said, there was no sudden realization. It was literal years of just slow understanding, working through a lot of confusions and frustrations. I see a lot of ace stories where people were treated horribly in relationships, where they spent their lives wondering what was wrong with them.

Those stories are valid, and by no means can mine compare to theirs, but I don’t see a lot of stories like mine. Where figuring out you’re ace wasn’t a big thing. It didn’t feel like a big thing. It was just a part of me, a part of my personality, of my feelings, that finally had a title. That I finally understood.

There are still some downsides, though.

I know I can never tell my parents. I just don’t believe they’ll understand it at all, or worse, tell me I’m wrong. Maybe it’s just my fear, but it’s not something I want to test.

Telling the rest of my friends was absolutely terrifying, and I’m honestly scared if/when I get a romantic partner.

There are a lot of people who don’t think ace people exist, that it’s a thing, and it’s sad and frustrating and upsetting.

I feel like I can never be out IRL because of the fear of those people.

Still, there is a kind of peace of mind that came with it. Probably because I was right in my initial rationalization. There are other people who feel the same way I do. I just didn’t know we a had a name.

#asexuality #not ts #personal #essay #my ace story #tw sex mention

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flying-elliska · 5 years

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What are the important bisexual characters that you said helped you? I am having a hard time finding good bi representation in which they aren’t considered promiscuous or unstable

Hiya anon ! What a quality question, thank you ! Here’s another mini essay about bi rep lmao. If there are some that I forgot please tell me ! And to everyone, tell me about the bi characters who made an impact on your life, I’d love to know !!!!

Okay so.

- When I answered the anon and talked about the characters that helped me come to terms with my sexuality, I talked about two in particular. Jack Harkness from Torchwood is depicted as very promiscuous, and somewhat instable. He still meant a lot to me because a) him sleeping around was never that much of a problem, it was because he was from the future, where things were different, which I thought was refreshing and b) his instability was because of the weight of being an immortal hero. Also fanon!Dean Winchester from SPN, as an older, more macho, emotionally witholding, badass dude written as bi meant a lot to me, but he doesn’t really avoid that stereotype either. But at least they were heroes. However, I can understand wanting bi characters that actually don’t fit that stereotype, because bi people irl aren’t all like that, even if there is nothing wrong per se about sleeping with a lot of different people, or having mental issues to struggle with. And that was a while ago and now we have more and more cool characters ! Such as :

- Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. One of the best portrayals of bisexuality on TV imho. She didn’t start out as bi, she was this tough, cool, scary but with a heart of gold cop who had a lot of other plotlines before. But then, since they saw that a lot of wlw got this vibe from her, were really into her, and the actress came out as bi herself, they decided to use this. So it was super organic, and the way they introduced the subject was true to Rosa herself ; she’s a super private person, she doesn’t like anybody knowing about her life (it’s actually a running joke and Rosa Diaz has been implied to not even be her real name). But then she is dating a woman, and struggles with her parents not understanding and her coworkers find out, help her and support her. Her gay captain is there for her in his typical stoic but hilarious way. They organize game night with her when her parents won’t anymore. We see her crushing on women and dating, but it is treated exactly as the other character’s love life, they never make a big deal out of it. She isn’t the token queer character. She says outright she is bisexual and there is a specific point about her mom not understanding it’s not a phase and thinking she’ll end up with a man anyway, which #relatable. The focus is on the team as found family. Also right now she’s dating a butch woman, which is awesome since they are so underrepresented on TV and I hope we see more of her. That show really is my comfort show, it’s still bloodly hilarious and it really transcends the format to say some really deep woke stuff too, but never in a way that feels on the nose. Everyone should watch it tbh.

- Korrasami ! Oh my god, I was so blown away when they got together. They’re two characters from the animated series Legend of Korra, they start out as rivals in love who have feelings for the same guy, but as they have to fight baddies together, they become bestest of friends, and both fall out of love with the guy. Then in season 3 and 4, their relationship becomes central to the show, as Asami stands by Korra through some really tough shit. Also, they’re both ultra badass and fight really well together. A lot of fans started reading their chemistry as romantic, but we’d never thought they’d actually go there. But the show ends with them walking into the ‘sunset’ (well, the spirit lands) together, holding hands. Now, it was never completely explicit on the show BUT they were dealing with a lot of censure from the networks and you have to be willingly obtuse not to read it as romantic. And after that the creators drew them on dates, and there is a comic series in which they are shown kissing, talking about their feelings, introducing each other to their families, etc. It made me feel so validated when it happened, and I just adore the whole ‘love triangle ditches the middle one and fall in gay love with each other’ trope. (is it a trope yet ? it should be.) It’s still a kids show at its core, but it has amazing depth and deals with some very deep shit. Korra starts off as a bit annoying but she has a really cool development, she’s a girl character we need more of - brave, dynamic but also brash and reckless and action driven in ways that are almost always exclusively shown for boys. And Asami is a more typical girly girl but she’s also a brilliant engineer and has a spine of steel and she’s also very slyly funny. They’re amazing. And the comics are super cute.

- Now there are a lot of characters who are bi/pan that I love, and are good characters in themselves, but their arcs do intersect in some ways with promiscuity and mental instability. I’m thinking about Even from Skam and all his remake variants, Magnus Bane from Shadowhunters, several characters from Black Sails, Sarah Lance and Constantine from Legends of Tomorrow, Eleanor Shellstrop from the Good Place, Bo from Lost Girl, Ilana from Broad City, Joe McMillan from Halt and Catch Fire, God/Chuck from Supernatural (lmaooooo), several characters on Penny Dreadful, or in a totally different category, Vilanelle from Killing Eve or Hannibal from the series (who are hella bad guys but it’s never linked to their sexuality, and are also incredibly compelling to watch.)

And even though these characters taken individually, I would argue, are good rep because they’re complex and layered and interesting and never one-dimensional (and watching them feels incredibly empowering at times)....it’s still a trend. I feel like when writing a character that is attracted to multiple genders, there is always this sort of...tangle of tropes that writers default to, unconsciously. Some negative and some positive. It used to be this trope of bis being villainous, instable, jealous, flaky, immature, perverted, manipulative, cheaters, amoral, greey, etc...and then it evolved into something of a reclaiming and subverting this trope. So now you feel like the Bi Character kind of has to be badass, glamorous, seductive, often superpowered or extraordinary in other ways.. And they also for multiple reasons (they’re immortal, they’re sensitive artist souls, they’re from the future, they’re psycho, they’re exccentric comic relief, they’re daring adventurers and pioneers) don’t care about social norms which allows them to sleep and fall in love with whomever. And so they tend to have those super busy romantic/sexual histories and very troubled backstories. In the past it was a bad thing, now it’s often presented as this positive, enlightened or at least fun and badass thing. They’re heroic, with big hearts, a tremendous lust for life and a cool rebellious attitude. They’re complex, dramatic, tortured. Which can be super cool, too.

But it would be nice to have more ‘normal’ bi characters. I mean, boring bisexuals need to see themselves represented too ! Our sexualities don’t give us super powers. At the same time, it is true that bisexual ppl have higher rates of mental illness, which deserves to be explored, but it would be nice if it was actually articulated and not just part of this trope. But still. We need rep, I think, that is more grounded and varied. So I think that’s also why I read a lot of fanfic. (I was really into the idea of bi Steve Rogers for a long time, partly also because he’s both very mentally resilient, kinda boring in a good way, and very unexperienced in terms of sex/romance, which is pretty much the opposite of the trope)

- I think books, and YA in general, are a good place to find these ‘normal bis’ characters. I’m thinking in particular of Leah from Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli (from the same book series that gave us the ‘Love, Simon’ movie) which is a super sweet coming of age/romance story about a super normal teenager who just happens to be also into girls (esp her best friend) and is loud and funny and very lovable and has zero doubts about being bi. You also have Adam Parrish from the Raven Cycle, another one of my forever faves ; he has an abusive family so PTSD from that but it never feels tropey, and it’s completely detached from his sexuality. He has magic powers, too. But his character feels completely opposite to the trope. He’s hardworking, somewhat withholding, prickly (and sometimes awkward), ambitious, determined, down to earth, and has a beautiful love story with another boy. And also Jane, from Jane Unlimited by Kristin Cashore, also really cool ; she’s a nerdy, smart girl who is actually inspired by Jane Eyre who has cool adventures in a weird house where we can follow her on different paths depending on the choices she makes, several of which are love stories. And finally the main character from The Seven Husbands from Evelyn Hugo, kinda fits the trope yeahhh since she’s a super glam actress who well, has seven husbands but it’s a pretty clever deconstruction since it turns out (slight spoilers) that Evelyn is actually through most of her life faithful in heart to the same person and the rest is mostly out of necessity, and her story feels very real and raw and down to earth.

- I don’t go there yet but I really want to check out Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Schitt’s Creek which I have read have very good bi rep. And I want to catch up on Orphan Black (Cosima and Delphine both don’t have exact labels but they’re multi-gender attracted and they’re this cool couple of scientists in a relationship that gets a happy ending). I will never forgive what they did to Lexa so I stopped watching but I do think that Clarke Griffin from The 100 is very good bi rep. Alexia from Skam France, meanwhile, is a bit of a boundary case for me because, even though she’s presented as the ‘weird one’ from the group, very colorful and liberated and exccentric, she’s still a very normal teen who’s happy and comfortable in her own skin, which is awesome.

- Disclaimer, I included characters in here that are also pan/omnisexual or don’t have a label but are attracted to several genders, for the purpose of this discussion i don’t think the difference is all that relevant at least to me (i mostly identify as bi for the sake of simplicity but tbh i could also fit under pan so i feel represented by all those characters). But I understand the importance of characters that state their identities more clearly and with pride.

- So in conclusion : there is nothing wrong with having a sexually active life or struggling mentally (even tho that one is not fun). And I do love all my badass casanova time travelling super powered bis.

But we need more bi characters that don’t fit that trope. We need bi characters in children’s shows, or that don’t have more than one relationship, or that don’t have a relationship at all, to break the tendency to always show bisexual ppl as overly sexual. We need bi characters in committed relationships to break this idea that bi characters are bound to cheat or can’t be satisified with only one person. We need bi characters that are mentally stable and successful and happy, to show that it’s possible. We need bi characters that are boring, bookish, nerdy, ordinary, clumsy, not particularly seductive, socially awkward, rule-sticklers, etc...to show that bi people are not all party animals, or doing it for attention, or to be wild, rebellious and socially progressive. It’s just a sexuality, it doesn’t say anything about your personality. Even though there are some correlations with MI or being bi might bring you in contact with more progressive ideas and to see life a bit differently, there is nothing automatic about it.

- In conclusion, reading testimonies from real people also helped me a lot. It’s a very dated but I got the book “ Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out “ when I was struggling with my own sexuality and it helped a lot, to read that even back then (1991) you had all sorts of regular ppl claiming to be bi and that it was not a phase or a fad or whatever.

#bisexuality #bi rep #media representation #bi pride #lgbt #bi characters

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alittlefrenchtree · 5 years

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Armie Hammer & Fans

Working title was : Why I think Armie doesn’t love his fans and why I’m okay with that but I figure I didn’t need to be that provocative. And, when I say doesn’t love, I don’t actually mean hate or despite, only that I think he hasn’t any particular huge feelings towards fans of his — so not point of using the first title.

Here is why.

PART I -- YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND FANS UNLESS YOU ARE ONE YOURSELF

Every time I become fan of someone (it has happened quite a few times over the past 25 last years), I’m always interested to see if they are fans themselves or not. And I’m not talking about fans like ‘I-love-this-movie-so-much-I-saw-it-three-times’, I’m talking about crazy-over-the-top-freaks who knows everything about everything, spent thousand of hours talking about everything, create, wait hours on a red carpet, travel hundreds of miles, turned fandom-mutuals into lifetime friends… like most us down here. My opinion is that you can’t understand how important it feels unless you’ve been here yourself because I don’t think anybody (and certainly not self-deprecating Armie) is full of himself enough to really understand what it means and what they represent for fans. And why is it important ? Because it highlights behavior in different ways. (side note : parallels with Timmy aren’t for saying who’s better than who between but because they’re radically different on that level and I know everybody knows what I’m talking about when I take Timmy as an example). My point is, when Timmy saw people waiting and freezing on a red carpet or stan accounts on social media, he knows who much even the smallest gestures can meant for people on the other side, because he has been (still is on some levels) there. Armie hadn’t. He doesn’t even understand why people are happy to take a selfie with him if it the only thing they get. I don’t think he realize how much difference in people happiness he makes when he’s giving and when he’s not.

PART II -- BACKGROUND

I haven’t real proofs for what I’m going to say in this part but I do think the more wealthy you are, the less chances you have to become a fan yourself or to understand the phenomenon. I guess having money take a little bit of the fascination for rich, famous people away — but mostly because you evolve on the same circles. Armie being a Hammer, I guess he has occasionally see and hear about « famous » people (in various areas) while growing up (and during his whole life), preventing him again for fully understanding that kind of relationship between known people and fans. I don’t think you can become fan of someone you already know. And, while he certainly haven’t met every artist he admires yet, I think he has quite early in his life seen and been around enough to not idealize/idolize people or understand how people could do that and, on the contrary, be quite suspicious about them.

PART III -- THE TRUST ISSUE

Again, no proofs, just theories based on what makes sense to me. Given the shape of his career (and his general personality/ lack of self esteem), I think he may have trust issue towards fans. He said it himself, there were several times during his career where people has said to him « this is your moment, this is your time ». I guess fans had told him, after The Social Network, before Lone Ranger or before Man From Uncle, that they loved him and his work and were fan of his. I’m not saying they were lying or that he thinks they were lying. I’m only saying that, if he had sometimes considered fans as a whole instead of as many individualities, he may has thought, at these particular times of his career, that fans (in general) had let him down. I’m not blaming anybody on box-office flops I’m just trying to explain what it may feels like to be a lead or one of the leads and see that kind of situation happened in more than one occasion. Again, I’m not saying that Armie is resentful towards fans because of that. If it’s true, maybe he isn’t even aware of these feels. But I think because he feels like he can’t trust people as audience and support, he may have shift his priorities and his focus and what he thinks is important. Maybe he doesn’t really feel like investing himself for people who may come and go in the blink of a eye.

PART IV -- « I DON’T THINK HE’S ARROGANT. I THINK HE’S SHY. » (thanks Papa for the quote)

Here, in France, we have a singer called Emmanuel Moire. I’m not a fan of his but I listen to a few of his interviews (because he’s very sweet and his story is very sad) and I remember him saying that, before coming-out to his fans, he didn’t feel like he was really connecting with them (and certainly not like he’s doing it now, after the coming-out). DON’T YELL AT ME, this isn’t me saying that Armie’s gay (my vision of sexuality is not trivial enough to be explain with labels). My point is, when you aren’t fully true to yourself or when you’re hiding, it’s harder to connect with people, especially with people who love you. It’s harder to accept love when you don’t love yourself in the first place. Why am I saying that Armie isn’t fully true to himself ? Because Armie said it himself.

I’ve had conversations before with Guadagnino where he discusses actors, and it’s uncanny how well he can zero in on the locus of a star’s appeal, laying bare what makes that actor tick. It’s more than just a party trick: Guadagnino is simply that good at reading people. I wondered, then, if he had ever analyzed Hammer to his face. “I think he knows that if he would describe me to me, it would crush me,” Hammer said with a laugh. “He’s never even tried, and I’m so appreciative.” [Source]

PART V -- A RELATIONSHIP THAT NEEDS TO GROW

…and to grow under the right circumstances.

We know Armie basically hates everything that is linked to being famous. He doesn’t particularly enjoy doing promo. He doesn’t like having to do fittings for new clothes every 3 seconds (the guy own 1 suit, 1 pair of new balance and two sweaters, after all), he doesn’t like awards shows or selfies and his love-hate relationship with social media isn’t really helping either. I don’t know where exactly he puts fans in all of that but I think that, as much as he enjoys the recognition and knowing people enjoy his work, the concept itself of having fans as he probably sees it, isn’t something he digs very much. But relationships between artists and fans aren’t things set in stone. Like any relationship, they need to grow and to be built. Best example I’ve got here, is Jensen Ackles. When Jensen has started to do fan cons, he was so shy and uncomfortable with the whole thing but, through the course of the years, he learned a lot (partly thanks to Jared Padalecki first and then Misha Collins, so I’m kinda hoping Timmy will do the same with him during sequel time) by meeting people, sitting with them and hearing their personal stories. And now he’s a master at fan cons. I think Armie would enjoy meeting fans if he wasn’t meeting them as fans but as people. Having a chat, grabbing a beer. Exactly like he said in that GQ interview. And maybe it’s the only point for which I think he could do better if he’s willing to. Because first, he needs to understand that (even he can’t wrap his mind around it) it’s fucking terrifying and mind blowing for fans to meet him and that if some encounters are a little bit awkward, it’s because most fans try to be quick and not bother people too much when they’re meeting someone famous. Second, because he’s also up to him to create the good opportunities for these kind of moments. Like that plane girl with Timmy. I would love for Armie to have something like that (minus the full report on twitter and the headlines would have shadow the whole experience for him (maybe for Timmy too)). Maybe not in economic, because, well, he’s Armie Hammer, but something like that nevertheless. It probably won’t happen anytime soon, because of everything I just wrote but I think it would be good for him. And he has time.

Ok, now I’m dead on my feet so I don’t even know if any of this is making any sense. I’m crossing fingers. I’ve probably forgotten a lot of important stuff so expect a lot of yelling from me to me and a lot of reblogs to add things in the next few days. If I’ve been unclear with something, please let me know ;-).

#armie hammer #it's rambling time again #I've been wanting to write this thing for months #I'm glad it's done #even if it's done poorly hahaha

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dangerliesbeforeyou · 5 years

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dan made me do it

(lol jk, but like i have Feelings(tm) about my sexuality and everything & figure this is the best time and place to do it...)

So I figured out I was bisexual a little over 5 years ago, after discovering it was a legitimate thing I could call myself whilst being on tumblr (2014 was a big time for lgbt discourse, especially in terms of the various terms and labels, most of which I hadn’t been familiar with...)... but tbh, I’d been trying to come to terms with who I was in terms of my sexuality for a long time

I grew up in a religious house (my parents were jehovah’s witnesses), but I never really remember anything vaguely homophobic being thrown around? And even if it did exist, I wouldn’t have been aware of it since I never had any question or doubt in my mind about the fact I was attracted to boys (I’d had a rly intense crush on this one boy for about 5 years through primary and secondary school... I still sometimes see his pics on facebook & u know what? I still would lol anyway...) my early days in school were mostly taken up by trying to get friends not be a total recluse (I’ve always had trouble making friends and connecting to people it’s no biggie it’ ss fineee........ ok carry on>>)

So going into secondary school I never felt that I was anything other than straight? But one thing I vividly remember was the way people in my year treated girls that were suspected to be gay... in short? they were seen as ‘dirty’... it was something perverted, and highly sexualised... (as in: being a lesbian meant masturbating a lot... (i mean: this says something about wider misogyny & demonising of female pleasure but like.. another time, another time) & also making out loads with other girls)... like no one ever came up and said ‘being gay is wrong’, but whenever rumours spread about a girl being suspected as gay and they didn’t deny them, people would suddenly start whispering about them... & it’s super strange to me that this was the same culture that if two female friends were really close and got labelled as gay, but came out and were like ‘oh no we’re straight ha ha we just kiss at parties and touch each others boobs’ or whatever, people would be completely ok with it?

So I never really gave myself the opportunity to go into this... I was never comfortable enough to be super ‘close’ to any of my female friends (intimacy issues: we don’t have to to get into all THAT right now though lol ahahaha....ha...) & I knew I wasn’t so called ‘skanky’ like all the girls who were labelled as being actually gay...

& this was all happening as I found myself actually being interested in looking at girls... (like what can I say? boobs are friggin nice to look at lol...) But i always saw it as innocent intrigue, since I was only 11/12 at the time so hadn’t grown into my own at the time... and the fact I felt more comfortable being touched by or talking to or like literally doing anything with girls? it’s just cos boys are gross there’s no other reason behind it!!.... right?

I think a big thing is that a lot of girls are so open with each other... like they’ll compliment each other’s boobs or asses, or comment on how pretty they are or their makeup skills or whatever.. you’ll be hard pressed to find a girl that goes all ‘no homo’ on her friend except.... I feel like that was me lol? I remember getting compliments from other girls about my appearance (didn’t happen often though pffft) or anything really and feeling all mushy inside, and giving the compliments back felt like a big deal to me? idk I suppose all the warning signs were there that hidden under layers of introverted awkwardness was a lil bi demon just waiting to come out lol!

So yadyyada, 2014 happens and I finally realise I’m bi... I just remember reading something on here about bisexuality and being like ‘oh damn yeh... dat me??’... like it felt amazing to be able to finally accept that I actually like girls too?? & one of the first people I told was this guy I became friends with when I first went to college... & he told me he was also bi and I remember thinking ‘wow!!!!! so it’s actually real?! it’s not just something you see on tumblr from random strangers, it’s an actual thing people I know irl experience wowwowowow’... I also came out to another online friend who I was close to, and it felt really amazing... but I could never translate that into actually coming out in real life (not to mention life was kinda shit at this time and I had like 0 friends but hEY, that’s not for now kiddos lol)...

So yeh, I’ve never actually come out to anyone... not properly anyway... I’ve always been very open about my sexuality online, but in real life I’ve never really discussed it with ... anyone? & it’s not because I’m ashamed in anyway, and it’s not even as if I’m that scared I just... I’ve never felt the need to? But after seeing Dan’s video, plus it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, this is something I really wanna do... see; I was so ready to live life just being ‘straight until I maybe get a girlfriend one day’, so ready to only tell people if they ask me but I just realised... isn’t that partly living a lie? who I’m with doesn’t change my sexuality, so why is it something I’m seemingly so scared of declaring to the world??

I vividly have this memory, before I realised I was bi, and I have no idea of why or when or any of the details, but me and my mum were watching something, and bisexuality was mentioned, and either my mum agreed with, or she said something along the lines of ‘bisexuals are more likely to cheat’, and that’s really stuck with me.... it’s something that’s always nagging in the back of my mind, and it... really fucking hurts lol... I know for a fact my mum will love my regardless of who I end up sleeping with or whatever, she may be pretty conservative in her mindset of things but she’s always willing to be open minded which I really love about her... but knowing this inbuilt stereotype of bisexuality is something she both acknowledges and somewhat agrees with is really... sad...

I’m 21 years old, I’ve been in one relationship in my life which only last a few months and involved no kissing and only occasional hand holding because I was too terrified to do any more (again: subject for aNOTHER day lol), and I know for a goddamn FACT that my sexuality would never make me more likely to be unfaithful to someone I claim to love...I really hate that this is associated with the label, but it’s something I know that I am... why on earth would I change that or try to be something else when I know that /this/ is me!

I think one of the biggest things putting me off ‘coming out’ is having to explain yourself... like dan howell made a 45 minute long video discussing his own sexuality and experiences cos he knew people wouldn’t just accept it if he just tweeted ‘yo dawgs imma queer lol #swag’ one day, and it feels kinda annoying that queer people/lgbtq+ people feel like we can’t just...... be ourselves without having to justify or explain it?! (even me making this post is solidifying that factor lol... it’s a mess lol)... like I just wanna live my life being bi, is that so much to ask for lol?

I am so so SO grateful we have so much more bi, and lgbtq+ in general, representation in media these days.... it’s goddamn beautiful to see our stories, and the stories of our community being told and cherished by millions, and that’s really gotta be something to rejoice in this pride month!!!

(side note: dan also talks about gender identity & I have literally never related to anything more lol... like 90% of the time I don’t feel like what people classify as ‘womanly’ things... but also I am a woman? idk man lol just call me a formless blob or whatever it was he said lol as a baby no one really knew if I was a girl or boy since my mum mainly dressed me in yellow & I had like 2 strands of hairs on my head lol... damn I miss those days lol)

In conclusion (or tl;dr as I’ve seen the Cool people write on their long posts (yes I had to google what it meant shhhh)):

Hi, my name is Xanthe, my username is ‘dangerliesbeforeyou’ here on tumblr because I made it 7 years ago and I wanted to use a cool sounding harry potter quote so I could come across as sophisticated but also nerdy, I’m a 21 year old female (mostly?) and I am a proud Bisexual...

I’m also single and very ready to mingle if anyone is interested ;;;;;;;;;)

(that’s only half a joke lol... plz romance me I’m v lonely)

#personal #lgbtq #pride month #idk what to tag lol #thank u for giving me the confidence to do this daniel lol...#maybe i'll b able to come out to my family who knowsss

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unplcnned-variable · 5 years

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so last night I said I was going to post an info-dump-thing about resident evil OCs and I actually finished it lmao

I know no one is probably interested but!! I’m gonna post it anyways! partly because I didn’t save the file lol

Reina:

All of Reina's important info can be found here.

Reina is still in contact with Chris and Rebecca, mostly through email and phone. She rarely sees them in person anymore, which sucks, but at least she knows that they’re doing okay.

Even tho she's terrible at it, Reina still has a passion for photography, and takes pictures of everything she finds interesting.

She has a whole folder on her computer that's just pictures of Emilia and Rodger. It's titled "Motivation". Emilia cried when she saw it the first time.

After what happened at the Spencer Mansion, Reina started to write a lot about the hazards of bio-organic weapons, and what people can do to fight against bioterrorism without literally fighting it. Obviously, she doesn’t have access to tons of info, but she does what she can. She still writes about other things, of course.

Originally, she considered joining the BSAA, an option which was brought up by Chris, but she eventually decided against it. After all, Reina isn't a fighter - but she does her part by informing the public about the truth, even if not many people listen.

She also taught Emilia and Rodger how to use firearms, in case they ever got caught in a situation like she did.

Reina struggled with separation anxiety for a long time after Spencer Mansion, and the Raccoon City Incident didn’t help, but she slowly improved over time.

The song "Johnny Boy" by Twenty One Pilots radiates Reina energy tbh

Emilia:

Emilia is the kind of lady who LOOKS like she has herself together, but under the facade is a life that's being held together by duct tape and coffee.

She primarily works as a travel agent, which is how she met Reina, but likes to pitch in at local business when she has spare time.

Emilia never experienced a bioterrorist attack first-hand, but she's seen what it does to people through the affects it had on Reina, and later, Rodger.

Although she now works for a travel agency, she originally wanted to become a medic of some kind. After her college plans fell through due to lack of financial support, she scrambled for a job, and ended up with that career. She’s considered looking for medical-related jobs again, however, she’s not entirely sure if she’d still be good at it.

Not gonna lie, she probably reads the zodiac section in every magazine she comes across. It's not that she necessarily believes it, it's just that she likes to think that she knows what's coming next.

Terrified of spiders. Most bugs, come to think of it. She doesn’t hate them, she’s just scared of them. She always specifies that she doesn’t want them killed, just removed from where she is.

She and Reina were away on business matters whenever the Raccoon City Incident happened, but were just a bit outside the city whenever Rodger & Friends got out and sent word that they were okay. That’s the closest Emilia has ever gotten to a real Umbrella attack.

Although Emilia was, and still is, an extremely rule-abiding person, she tends to loosen up whenever Reina is around. She claims that Reina's a bad influence, though it's all in good fun.

Tbh the song "Light On" by Maggie Rogers reminds me of her.

Rodger:

The kind of guy to threaten to fight things two times his size, including B.O.W.s. He’s trying to match Chris Redfield’s attitude, but he’s just a little too happy-go-lucky to really get it right, if that makes sense.

Rodger was 15 whenever the Raccoon City Incident happened. He escaped with the Adesso Twins (Eleanora and Amore), two kids who went to the local high school.

He knows Leon, but didn't actually escape alongside him - Rodger and the Adesso twins just happened to run for the RPD when hell broke loose, figuring that the police could help them. Rodger did his best to help out with puzzles, but he and the twins eventually ended up parting ways with Leon. He tries to keep contact with him, but it’s gotten difficult over the years.

He totally joined the BSAA when he got old enough, as did Eleanora, but they were both assigned to different teams.

Rodger is the kind of guy who pretends to be super rough tumble, but inside is actually really excitable and sometimes he accidentally lets that shine through. It's always covered up pretty quickly, but it does happen.

He was pretty devastated when the news came out that Chris went missing. The guy was highkey his role model / hero. Of course, that made it all the better when he learned that he'd been found again.

Rodger was 5 years old when he was adopted, and he'd spent most of his previous five years in an orphanage. His biological parents were a poor couple from Canada, who couldn't afford to support themselves and a child. He has yet to meet them, but kind of hopes to someday.

He honestly kind of has a crush on both Eleanora and Amore, but he in general has a closer relationship with Eleanora, simply because it's difficult to really get to know Amore.

The song "The Fear" by The Score makes me think of him, or possibly "Growing Pains" by Alessia Cara.

The Adesso Twins:

This will probably be the shortest bit because these two are relatively new.

The Adesso Twins are, well, twins. They can never seem to get straight who is older (PS: it’s Amore).

Eleanora Adesso is the tougher of two, and was originally looking towards a career in boxing before she took up a job with the BSAA. Like her brother, she also gives off a cold vibe, but she’s much easier to get along with overall.

Amore Adesso tends to be a 'negative nelly', as Rodger puts it. They don't always mean to come off as such, they just tend to look at everything in a very analytical way. They honestly kinda remind me of Arcade Gannon, just with less sarcasm and more dry humor. They mean well, I swear.

Hhhh I'm tempted to make them HUNK’s kids because a.) I want to, and b.) I can, but on the other hand, that might be cliche, and I don't know if HUNK is really the kind of guy to have a family (plus he works for Umbrella, which would make a big conflict considering their professions), so I'm. Hmm. I dunno yet. I think it all depends on your idea on what HUNK is like when he’s not on the job.

Amore found purpose in studying B.O.W.s and trying to find ways to cure Umbrella-made viruses, instead of joining the BSAA, like Eleanora did.

Eleanora makes me think of the song "Stay Frost Royal Milk Tea” by Fall Out Boy (yes, that is the song titled), and Amore makes me think of "This is Home" by Cavetown, though this might change in the future.

#ocs #stennie's stuff #info dump #ghjbkjdfhsd I'm nervous about posting this too but I'm hoping it's alright #it was a lot of fun to make!!!#also sorry if the math and ages are a little off I was tired when I tried to do it lol #ask to tag #I guess?? because bioterrorism??? idk??#anyways here goes nothing lmao #resident evil ocs #reina bailon #emilia bailon #rodger bailon #amore adesso #eleanora adesso

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