Saved: Qui-gon jinn x reader
Warnings: torture, near death experience, sadness, swearing.
gif creds: @padawanlost
Absoloutely in love with Qui-Gon!! Been thinking about this idea for ageees and finally decided to write it. Not sure if this will do well but to those who read this, I hope ya'll enjoy.
Also sorry if I messed up somewhere
This is so long but I love it regardless :)
--------
The darkness of the chamber messes with your senses. You can't place where you are, at all.
"Hello?"
and your voice echoes through the room. No one replies, shit. with no way of escaping you're forced to wait force knows how long.
You'd been separated from Qui-Gon Jinn, your master. He'd told you go the other way to deal with some enemies. Things went south quick however and with everyone being busy no one noticed you get knocked out and taken.
Chain's restrict movement, all you can do is move your head. The lightsaber that was placed upon your hilt had been taken and with no way to use your powers, it's useless.
"Why me?"
Anyone else could have been taken, but it had to be you. Everyone is always after you but why? what makes you so special? What worries you is how your master is worried for you- you can sense him through the force. You would be the same if your padawan had gone missing.
"Hello?!-"
"I can hear you..."
Grievous
You'd recognise that seperatists voice anywhere. Though this is the first time you've ever come face to face. surprising, really.
"It's you..."
He comes into view. Oh how you want to...
"Padawan (l/n)."
Grievous laughs. He's excited to have finally captured you. He's been trying to capture you for a while. see what did I say about you being that special.
"...finally..."
"Yeah..." you scoff. "...don't get too excited, i'll be out of here before you can do anything..." a lie, of course. You still have no idea when you'll escape or be rescued. Best you can do is wait this 'prison sentence' out for as long as you can.
It's now that you notice your lightsaber. It's hidden pretty well but you catch a glimpse of it which only fuels the anger you have. It's right there but you are unable to reach it...
"You don't think that.."
"Yes I do Grievous. This kidnapping was useless because I'll be gone soon...hmm, shall I say an hour or?"
Grievious simply laughs when you say that, which is followed by a cough. He continues to laugh..
"That's perfect..."
"How?"
He has always wanted to torture you. Wanted to watch as you screamed- beg for mercy- and with this 'hour' you say you have, he'll be able to do so.
"...because I'll be able to torture you..."
He expects you to be scared. Everyone else he's tortured has been scared. You are not though, which kinda makes things a bit ‘boring’ for him.
You smirk, giving him a look of 'I can take it' and he can feel that you're not scared.
"Impressive."
Grievous turns and leaves the room for a second. This gives you a chance to ready your self. You clear your mind, bringing yourself to become one with the force. Fear is not something you feel, but worry; all you worry about is being found dead. You would never want to find someone like that, or be found like that. It wouldn't be fair.
The door reopens not even a minute later. Grievous is holding something- a tool used for torture. He walks back over to you, one of his four arms gripping on the tool.
You stare at him waiting and Grievous laughs, again.
"You're really not that scared..."
Rolling your eyes you scoff at him.
"I told you already i'm- AH!"
The pain you feel is the most excruciating pain you have felt before. The electricity only seems to add that extra bit of pain.
"This is going to be fun..."
he barely gives you enough time to register the next jolt.
-
Minutes soon turn into hours and there seems to be no sign of help. You endure the pain but with every jolt you feel yourself slipping from reality. You are no longer one with the force, as hard as you try to be.
"Again..."
Grievous orders his new 'helper' to administer another jolt of pain. You drop your head, finding yourself focusing on a spot on the floor. You need to focus on something else- you need to get your mind off what's happening because if you don't, you'll break.
Another jolt of pain follows. Closing your eyes you shift focus from what's happening, and instead you focus on something else. Anything else, this is your last option...that's when something comes to mind. A memory, to be exact.
It's a beautiful day out. Rather than train, your master had said you would just be going on a relaxing walk through a garden. It will help to get your mind off stuff and meditate outside rather than inside. You have your hands clasped together behind your back, while Qui-Gon has his hands tucked into the sleeves of his robe.
You don't speak, you just think. No idea what Master Jinn is talking about but you're thinking about something- though you won't ask him what you're thinking, he may find it weird.
"Padawan..."
He doesn't look over at you, he keeps his focus ahead.
"...are you okay?"
Okay so he can tell something is up. Though you're not sure how..
"..what do you mean, master?"
"I can feel you through the force. Something is bothering you?"
that's how he knows
"Oh, uh, i'm sorry I wasn't aware..." bringing your hands around to your side, you unsclasp them.
"You don't have to apologise (y/n)..."
Qui-Gon looks over at you this time.
"...what's on your mind?"
Embarrased you scratch the back of your neck, now looking at him.
"...Master...I want to ask a question, but I'm afraid it's...stupid..."
You're caught off guard when he places a hand on your shoulder, which makes you stop.
"I assure you, your question won't be stupid."
It's nice to know how much he cares. Rather than be a master who holds no care for their padawan.
You nod, smiling up at your master. Then you ask;
"What if I were ever in a situation where I was in a lot of pain, like if I was badly hurt or being tortured, how would I distract myself?”
Qui-gon smiles at your question. You’re very smart, something he’s always admired about you.
“Firstly your question isn’t stupid. It’s quite smart, and to answer your question..”
he makes a motion so you start walking again.
“Focus on a happy memory, any happy memory. When you’re able to focus on the memory you’ll be able to distract yourself enough.”
Makes sense
“…thank you for asking, padawan.”
You fall into an even walking pattern as your master.
“Thank you for answering.”
He can’t help but smile. Bringing his hands back into his sleeves he replies with "you're welcome my padawan" before falling back into a comfortable silence.
-
That's what you focus on. You focus on that memory- one of your happiest memories. The torture drowns out until all you are focused on is that memory.
-
It's all blurry when Qui-Gon and his other padawan, obi-wan, arrive. You don't fully realise what's happening; you've focused back in one your surroundings but because of the torture you can't fully focus.
"Master!"
it's hard to place who's speaking. Though you can tell it's not Grievous or any of his men.
You attempt to raise your head but you're so weak it ends up dropping again.
Ugh..
"(y/n)!"
There's the sound of running and then the feel of someone messing around with the restraints around your wrists and ankles.
"It's okay, i'm- we're here, now...."
Qui-Gon?
Lifting your head again you're able to see a glimpse of your master.
"Master...?"
"It's me. I'm going to get you out of here..."
A smile forms on your lips.
"I knew you w-would come for me..."
When you're set free of the restraints you fall into Qui-gon's arms. He wraps his arms around you so he’s carrying you. You lean your head against his chest, quiet groans falling from your lips.
"It's okay...it's okay.."
Looking at Obi-Wan, he immediately leaves this torture chamber. His eyes don't leave you, however, and he has to hold back from tearing up. He blames himself for this happening. If he hadn't told you to go the other way then you wouldn't have been seperated and he would have been able to keep you safe.
Sometime through the escape you end up falling unconcious.
----
It's days before you wake up. Both Qui-Gon + Obi-Wan are there for you, most. It's Qui-Gon, though, who stays by your side the most. The council, surprisingly, lets him off training Obi-Wan and Obi-Wan doesn't complain. He worries about you mostly.
When you wake you see Qui-Gon asleep. Though he wakes when he senses you're awake.
"Master...?"
It hurts when you move, so you stay laying down. Quig sighs in relief;
"(y/n)..."
He doesn't call you 'padawan', he only wants to call you by your name at the moment.
"...how long was I out for?"
"Too...too long."
Qui-Gon could still feel you through the force which was relieving to know you were still hanging on. He'd wished you had woken up sooner, though.
"...(y/n)..." Qui-Gon begins, one of his hands moving to rest on the bed. He hesitates with his next words not wanting to bring back those memories but he has to say something.
He feels responsible for what happened to you. You're his padawan, his actions are what caused you to get caught in the first place. The moment you had disappeared, he'd sensed it..
"(y/n)?"
swinging his lightsaber to the side Qui-Gon cuts down one of the enemies. No sign of you, however. You were close by when you'd last spoken...
"(y/n)?"
Qui-Gon turns on his heel and scouts out the area. He can't find you though but he can feel you through the force...and something is wrong.
"(y/n)-“
"Master!"
Out of breath Obi-Wan runs over to Qui-Gon. He had been with with you, last, but you're not there with him.
"Obi-wan. Are you okay?"
"Yes, but I'm not sure where (y/n) is. I...we got separated, master."
Obi-wan feels guilt for losing you, he hopes that nothing bad has happened to you.
"Are you okay?”
“Yes, but I’m more worried about (y/n).”
“I’m glad you’re okay, obi-wan.” Obi-wan nods
“Thank you.”
“And thank you for coming to me."
Obi-wan once again nods, thanking Qui again.
Qui-Gon then makes a motion for Obi-Wan to follow him so the two leave to continue the search for you.
--
"I''m sorry, for what happened..."
"Mast-Qui-gon it's...it's okay."
Recounting the event is hard because you can barely remember the torture. It's like your mind has fragmented the memories, you can only remember bits and pieces. Maybe it's a coping mechanism your brain has switched on to help you cope from such a tramatic experience.
"I can't...it's hard to remember what happened. All I really remember is the start of the torture...but that's it..."
If it hadn't been for what Qui-gon had told you, however, you would have given up. You'd been able to lock onto that memory because of what he’d told you
"...actually, I have to thank you, and not just for getting me out of there but also for being the reason I didn't break..."
Qui-gon tilts his head a moment.
"What do you mean?"
"Well..." you begin. "...that day when we were walking in the park, when I asked you what to do if I ever got into a situation like the one I got into, and you told me to think of a memory that makes me happy. Well that was the memory I chose."
A smile tugs at your lips.
"...so yeah you're the reason I didn't give up..."
You have admired Qui-gon for as long as he's been your master. He is the wisest yet kindest person you've ever had the chance of meeting; he may go against the council's orders a lot of the time [which you usually agree with him about] but it's usually for a good reason.
He just cares deeply for people, one of the things you like about him. You would be lying if you said you hadn't grown fond of him, more tha you would view him as just a friend.
That was one of his favourite memories too. He remembers being impressed with your question so much so that he thought about it long after. That day was perfect- no missions or having to deal with anything bad. To hear how it helped you, though, means a lot- it takes some of the guilt off, that's for sure.
"I'm...i'm happy about that, (y/n) but I should really be apologising.."
"Apologising?"
"Yes..." Running a hand through his hair Qui-Gon sighs. "I was the reason you got taken. i told you to go the other way...I should have kept you with me..."
He blames himself? he shouldn't. He simply told you to go and deal with a few of the enemies, he never knew your kidnapping + soon to follow torture would even happen. Without even meaning for it to happen you reach a hand out, putting it on top of one of his.
"...what happened wasn't your fault."
He shakes his head in disagreement.
"I'm your master. I'm supposed to protect you..."
"and i'm supposed to listen to what you tell me to do..." you reply. "...and you told me to go and deal with those people. I listened because i'm the padawan and you're the master, and a great one at that."
You never lie, Qui-Gon knows that, but the guilt still eats away at him. You can tell so you squeeze his hand softly..
"I know you don't believe me, and I can't convince you to, but just know that I know it's not your fault.."
You linger with your touch for a moment more, hand moving away soon. You lean your head back against the pillow, watching Qui-gon, who doesn't really have the words.
He just looks at you sympathetically before standing up; there's no point in dwelling in his guilt, so he decides to distract himself. He stands up from his chair to leave...
"I'll let Obi-Wan know you're awake.."
You know he'll be happy.
"Thank you, Qui..."
the jedi smiles softly, and nods.
"You're welcome..."
and then he walks off; before he leaves, however, he glances back over to you. You're looking away so you don't see him staring. A sigh falls from his lips, his eyes closing slightly. He wishes it was him that went through that torture, not you, because you didn't deserve it.
To see you like this breaks his heart more than he can even describe. Pushing the thoughts of his mind for the moment he pushes off the doorframe and leaves.
---
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// I’ve been thinking about this post by padawanlost a lot…. Because I don’t agree with it.
RE: “Their (Anakin and Tru’s) friendship ends because Tru is a bad friend who expected the worst from his friend, a bad Jedi who didn’t practice compassion, understanding and forgiveness”
RE: “Tru is a bad friend because he was no evidence of Anakin’s *actively* sabotaging anything. his only ‘crime’ was to eavesdrop on a conversation”
Tru had a bad faith reading of Anakin’s actions, because Anakin spent 10 books in rivalry with Ferus, and especially from the beginning of the Korriban mission Anakin was bent on proving that he is better than Ferus.
"Anakin!" Tru exclaimed.
But Ferus and Anakin were past listening to their fellow Padawans (...)
"I've got news for you," Anakin said. "You won't be the one to find Omega. I will. I'd bet on it." The remark seemed to burst out of him without his directing it.
Anakin was so preoccupied with his goal of finding Granta on his own, that it put the rest of the group at disadvantage, before Tru’s lightsaber even broke
"Our mission is to find Granta Omega," Anakin said. "You had things under control, so I went after him (...)
"Tru was wounded, I was helping him, and Darra had to face off against a dozen droids, but everything was under control?"
He is putting his need to catch Granta over the well-being of the other padawans already. It puts a strain on Tru’s and Anakin’s friendship as followed by:
He sneaked a look back at Tru. His friend looked strained and unhappy. (...) Tru's friendship was very important to him. But Tru had to understand what was important to Anakin, too.
This is Anakin stating that Tru doesn’t understand him. This is Anakin narrating: my friend is important, but catching Granta and proving I’m superior to Ferus is More Important. – So I wonder, who is a bad friend here, really?
And honestly, Anakin chasing after his wants while leaving Tru in the background is not new. He did this during Galactic Games too, but back then Tru just helped Anakin get what he wanted, so I guess THEN he was ‘a good friend’.
He had more important things to do — like check out the Podracers. (...) "I'll catch up with you later," he told Ferus and Tru. "I have something I need to check out first."
Disappointment clouded Tru's silvery eyes. "Oh?"
Anakin knew that Tru had been looking forward to spending time with him, too. (...) He turned to go, and Tru leaned over and spoke softly in his ear. "Transit Red, end of the line." So Tru did know where he was headed.
"You're a good friend," Anakin said as he dashed off
Tru secretly covering for Anakin during the games so he can check out illegal podrace doesn’t translate to me into ‘jedi who lacks compassion or understanding’ in fact it is an amazing example that Tru was trying to be understanding of Anakin all along.
So, back to the lightsaber drama
Tru reads Anakin’s lack of action as deliberate sabotage, because he was around to witness Anakin and Ferus clash since book 2. On Korriban it escalated to cause problems already (the droid battle where Tru got wounded) It gives Tru a reason to jump into these conclusions.
"I wondered," Tru said. "When we got back here, I wondered if you knew. I saw how you froze in the tomb.” (..)
“But then I thought about how you feel about Ferus, how angry you had been. You would want him to get in trouble, even if it meant exposing me."
Tru’s issue with Anakin here is: “If you knew it will happen, why did you freeze and do nothing about it. You did this to get us in trouble on purpose.” – Would you not be upset if your friend didn’t help you, just because he hates your other friend? (And I remind you the consequence of this petty conflict was that Darra died and she really wouldn’t if they cooperated better.)
Tru wants Anakin to explain himself.
Anakin is not able to explain himself, and it is what causes their friendship to break for good. It is caused by them not being able to understand and trust each other anymore. Mutually.
"You're looking at this all wrong," Anakin said. But how could he explain? He couldn't admit that he knew that Tru's lightsaber was broken because he couldn't explain why he'd forgotten to tell him to readjust it.
He still didn't know how he'd forgotten something so crucial. Tru would think he'd deliberately forgotten it. There was nothing he could say to convince him otherwise, because he himself didn't know.
From Anakins POV Tru turned against him and sided with Ferus so Tru won't understand his explanations. From Tru's POV Anakin let Darra die to get Ferus in trouble, and because Anakin doesn't explain anything Tru walks away believing it.
—
I also disagree with notion that Jude’ writing is bad because only Anakin is blamed and Tru and Ferus got off without consequences.
Jude is not blaming Only Anakin ™. It is Tru Veld who is blaming Anakin and antagonizing him because he is upset with him. If you look outside of their personal drama, Jude is noting that The Council made a mistake sending the padawans on this mission in the first place:
Adi Gallia nodded. "We have reconsidered our decision to speed up the trials for chosen Padawans. We fear we put too much pressure on them."
"We need additional Jedi, it's true," Oppo Rancisis said. "But we see now that we cannot rush readiness." "Our mistake, it was," Yoda said.
—
RE: “Tru – the padawan who couldn’t fix his own lightsaber and was caught lying to his master – got off scott free.”
RE: ““tru veld took no responsibility and tried to blame someone else””
The council censured Tru, which… I’m not sure what we are expecting the council to do to Tru, since the Jedi do not hand out punishments they lecture and teach in hopes you get better (and it is for example a whole reason the military pushed for Ahsoka to get expelled so that she can get ‘punished’ for ‘killing’)
"You are not here to be punished, least of all by yourself," Obi-Wan told him.
"I must go on living," Ferus responded. "That is my punishment."
Ferus’s punishment was self-inflicted. This does not mean Anakin and Tru had to do the same as Ferus and leave the order.
In the end, none of the padawans got anything out of the Korriban mission except bad experience. They did not get promoted to become Knights, they lost their friend Darra, Ferus left the order with massive guilt, Anakin lost a friend (multiple, if you count Darra), Tru also lost a friend (multiple friends) and was formally answering for lying in front of the Council. He did take responsibility!!
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