#over a decade since this was completed

[amplifyme]

War stories

“It wasn’t just the wildfire. I’ve faced flames in battle before. The fires feed the rage. So does the fear.” Sandor casts a glance at Elder Brother. They are sitting at a table in the common hall, during the lull that comes between supper and evening prayers. A storm rages outside, a bitterly cold wind rattling the shutters of the windows and finding its way in through tiny seams and cracks in the walls, stirring the air around them with its icy fingers.

“Any soldier who claims he is not afraid is a liar, or a fool. Fear and anger are a dangerous combination,” Elder Brother offers, “especially when armed with steel.”

“As any man who’s ever faced me could attest - if I hadn’t put them all in the ground.” Sandor takes a sip of hot mulled wine and sets the driftwood cup back on the table. “Men were falling all around me. Burning or bleeding or both; dying. The Blackwater was on fire. I’d led a third sortie and knew we were beaten. I got what men I had left back inside the gate. And then the Imp decided what we’d already faced wasn’t sufficient. That’s when it happened: when I’d bloody well had enough.

“The Lannisters,” he spits, “frauds, every one of them, and me worst of all for my allegiance to them. I was somewhere I didn’t want to be, doing things I didn’t want to do. And for what? So I could be sent back out into the fires of the seven hells to fight for things I wanted no part of? So that sick little fuck could sit on his iron throne and continue mistreating her?”

It has been near two years since Sandor Clegane first came to the Quiet Isle and winter has fallen hard upon Westeros.

“It’s good she didn’t come with me then. I would have gotten us both killed within a fortnight. Though there are times I wonder if I didn’t leave her to a worse fate: her marriage to the dwarf and then accused of regicide.”

“You don’t believe her capable of murder?”

“I didn’t say that. Everyone is capable of murder. She meant to kill Joff once, just after he’d had her lord father’s head lopped off. I saw what she was thinking and stepped between them, stopped her. The little king never knew how close he came to flying that day. But his murder by poison? No. That requires a cruel cunning and the little bird don’t have it in her. Short-tempered she could be, but not calculating, not that way.”

“People change, brother. You know that better than most. You knew Sansa Stark when she was a child. You cannot know who she has become.”

“If it’s true that snake Baelish has her, may your gods be with her.”

[...]

He thinks on all the plans he’s made over the last two years, all the possible scenarios his mind has created on those long nights when he can’t sleep and lies awake instead, warmed by his memories of her. Sandor wipes a calloused hand across the battered wood of the table and quietly snickers at his strange quirk of fate.

“What makes you smile, brother?”

Sandor lifts his eyes and looks at the man across the table. “Do I have to share every bloody thought in my head? You should be tired of listening to me by now, old man.”

“Perhaps. But I grow weary of hearing my own voice. And it is pleasant to talk to someone other than my proctors.”

“You get tired of their pious bleating too, do you? Be honest now, you like swapping war stories with me. You were a soldier; that never leaves you.”

“I am a man of the Faith now – that is my life’s calling.”

Sandor gives him a long, reflective look, one which is returned in kind. It does not occur to him to wonder when being looked at straight on stopped being a rarity and became the norm. There are no eyes on this isle that will not willingly meet his. “Tell me: were you brought to your knees when you found your gods?” he asks.

These Scars We Wear, Chapter 6

#these scars we wear #sandor clegane #elder brother #sansan #asoiaf #fanfic #over a decade since this was completed #!! #still proud of this one

[goldkirk]

I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE!

#I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE ABOUT ANYTHING #IT DOESN'T HAVE TO OVERRIDE ALL OTHER PROGRAMMING EVER AGAIN #HA #MY GOD THAT FEELS LIKE TWO DECADES OF RELIEF #and I found out yesterday. that this year. next winter. it IS two decades. exactly. this is the year. every day i am shown new reminders #that keep me going in my mission to relearn to fully and instinctually trust my self #ever since [redacted therapist] asked me point blank and my IMMEDIATE response was complete disbelief #a firm 'you think there's any universe where i'd feel like i could trust myself? after my nonstop history of failures and being horrible?' #tone “No!” of disbelief #and a horrible way-too-harsh laugh that bolted out before I could strangle it off and stop it. #that woman never coddled my feelings any time I spoke something alarming or bullshit and that was so helpful to me #and the tone she let exist in her voice when she responded to me with a very uncharacteristic “Oh Katie.” #was so. so much more agonizing for me. than her responding with an immediate logical slam-dunk of the truth about healthy behavior and stuf #anyway ramble over i'm so tired. i've done so much trauma work this week i am Drained emotionally #now i see what the past several months but especially especially #the baffling (to me) infuriating out-of-control-speedrun-somatic-processing + every-health-condition-flaring slog that December and January #were for me when I hadn't expected anything to be wrong #...and the extremely specific way this certain zone and particular incident kept coming up over and over and over and over and OVER was not #a bug. it was a feature. thank goodness i trust myself for little things now bc that's the only way i was able to get to this other side #and look back and suddenly realize that my subconscious and body knew what they needed and had a plan in progress the whole time. just like #i rationally say I trust them to have and do. #and that perhaps maybe. for real for real instead of just TELLING myself hard enough a lie that i trust my self and i trust my body and tha #they always know their own needs and timing if really slow down and listen to them f u l l y #anyway. yeah. bye haha i need to stop oversharing on the internet #trauma evolution #shh katie #personal #my god. i wished for this day more than i wished for anything else my whole life. all these many many many many years. what magic. #add to journal #abuse

[columboscreens]

#columbo #season 8 #columbo goes to the guillotine #love how suspenseful and menacing they make him look #love the bated breath since the viewer has not seen columbo in over a decade at this point #id be watching this in 1989 like WOOOO FUCK YEAH HE'S BACK BABY while completely unbeknownst to me in for a world of disappointment

[lunapwrites]

If you have a friend who goes out of their way to make you feel shittier while you're down:

1) that person is not your friend

2) they should be carefully and completely excised from your life, starting ASAP. (Not necessarily immediately, but when you can.)

#obviously some nuisance and context should be considered but like #but like. it shouldn't be hard to have compassion for others. #especially friends. #and even if you've got some hurt their actions are causing #there's a time and a place to address them #IDK just thinking a lot about that time i was receiving death threats #and my best friend at the time said i deserved them #and that was when they stopped being my best friend #but it took way too long for me to cut ties completely #and that was for someone I've grown up with. #we were inseparable since we were five. #but with time and distance i was able to see patterns #and they were never my friend. not really. #that was a slow severing over the course of decades #but i managed #i have better people around me now #you will too #lp talks

[moregraceful]

put 712 of the worst words ever put in a google doc tonight BUT! it is 712 more words in the google doc than i had yesterday. this fic will be more than 2k, so help me god

#the past six months have been so weird after posting over 200k last year (including the longest fic i've written since bandom) #i think i would have been fine continuing to post 1-3k one shots all year if i had not just had to request extended time off of school #but between that + having no idea if i have a regular schedule at the library + my nonprofit boss sending a harrowing welcome back #i'm like by god jason robertson we are going to take a couple of leisurely 7-10k+ strolls to get you a boyfriend or two this summer #well all that + being horrendously writers blocked on the other two longer projects lmfao oh my god #10k deep in one and every time i open the google doc a portal to hell opens up in my living room #0k into the other bc every time i open my outline another different portal to hell opens up in my shower #i get no rest. i get no peace. every morning i wake up and 5 more demons are- oh my god #bro my fucken train of thought just got completely derailed by spotify. i know i'm the last person in the world to know this but #3oh!3 and big freedia remixed rebecca black's friday?? and it's completely unlistenable?? girls what did you do #3oh!3 kill me bc no time traveler ever took their faces in hand and kissed them gently on the forehead and looked into their eyes #said ''please focus on coloradosunrise it will literally course-correct the trajectory of your career from frat house gimmick to #rowdy but respectable indie edm artists. you can remain true to your warped tour dirtbag origins but you HAVE to develop THAT sound'' #like the chainsmokers are a joke but i feel like THAT + ANGRY EMO GIRLS + THEIR TOTAL DISREGARD FOR MARKETABILITY... could have been THEM #when the piano drops?? hello?? i had so many mental breakdowns in college listening to that song they could have defined a generation #like who else is gonna get noah cyrus and ashe and gayle and olivia rodrigo's vision. only warped tour dirtbags. #me @ myself [so lovingly]: what are you talking about. how old are you #me @ myself: talk to me abt earth 2 in which 3oh!3 remixed i got so high that i saw jesus....and it whipped ass #also. i had to google how old i was. THREE TIMES last week. #the minute i turned 32 apparently i was like i'm in my mid-30s now the rest of this decade is NOT my business until i turn 38 #this post was supposed to be an uplifting reminder to myself to keep pushing forward and trying hard and to not let the rot consume me #but i think i just drove off a cliff like fully my god #i need listen to big freedia more she rules #fresno oilers.txt #another banner day in the tags with kasper moregraceful

[misskamelie]

Officially (?) got into ear training two days ago 🫡 (i.e., my lack of knowledge and skill in that field is embarassingly low compared to other musicians I know and I may as well start well before my course on it since it's mostly practice and, well, training your ear)

#not doing anything more than like. 10 minutes a day because my God does it get tiring quick #found a very nice website which increases the difficulty (adds other intervals) as you improve so that's nice :) #it doesn't feel as overwhelming since I don't have to stop and think 'oh should I add new intervals?' #I mean I have been playing and listening to music for well over a decade at this point! It shouldn't be *that* difficult #I just need more awareness to better understand what's going on. make it more instinctive if you will #I can distinguish 2nd minor from 2nd majors but sometimes I lose some kind of reference point and mess it up completely #so yeah #training will fix it I guess #also! it should help with singing out stuff so I'm looking forward to it <3 #(you can tell I'm procrastinating studying my uni exam this next few days lmao) #my post

[rubberbandballqueen]

since i just rb'd a poll abt high school grades now's probably a good time to drop one of my many million-dollar ideas for how to run a high school classroom, which is that i think that at the start of a quarter/semester kids should be asked if they want hw to count towards their grades or not bc i was So Fucking Bad at submitting hw in high school, but my test scores were really good, so i'd rather have not had hw count towards my grades. but obviously there are a good number of kids who are either bad at taking tests or anxious abt their grades dropping and are diligent abt turning in hw, so letting hw count towards their grades would give them some padding in that situation.

#i really Do need to just maintain a doc of all my ideas for how to run a classroom #bc i've been storing some of these in my brain since i was like 12. that's a fucking decade by this point What the hell #the worm speaks #unfortunately it's probably unfeasible to Not have tests n the like count towards a grade at all #like personally as a student i do not hate testing!! as someone who enjoys gathering data / information i'm kind of obsessed w/it!!! #but i also have very strong opinions on TEST DESIGN as well as curriculum design n stuff #like tests CAN be a useful tool for measuring knowledge! if you design it right. and even then it's like. not perfect #one of my other million dollar ideas is that rather than giving out a final i'd give kids the choice to either do like #a freeform project to demonstrate their knowledge in literally Any Way They Want (foster creativity n stuff) #or! they could also just take a paper exam if they want. idk if anyone would take that option but idk. #mostly i'm just fond of the idea of giving high school students a sense of autonomy over their grades n education #like another reason why i think the 'do you want hw to count to your grades?' question should be re-asked at the start of quarters or w/e #is bc sometimes we also make mistakes! and evaluate consequences wrong. or situations change!! so they should be allowed to change things #how much would hw count for if they made it worth anything is honestly not smth i'm sure abt rn tbh #but i also know that i like. would also not even grade their hw on correctness just on completion anyway #a number of my high school teachers did that; bc the point was that we were responsible for ensuring its correctness #they all knew that kids would copy off each other and if that's how you learn. go for it!! my ap calc teacher openly acknowledged this!!! #anyway good lord i really do have limitless rants n tedtalks abt education in me lmao i need to sleebies now #so i can study for my calc quiz tmrw morning ( •̀ ω •́ )y

[cherub014]

Casually losing my mind over the fact that Total Drama:

1. Is still running with a 15 year hotstreak

2. Has probably the most diverse representation of any collective series I have seen to date

3. Has a huge and incredibly active fandom and is probably one of the few surviving "childhood" show fandoms to be THIS active

Honestly? Props to that keep doing what you're doing

#text #my text #total drama #this series has been going on SINCE I WAS SEVEN #AND ITS STILL GOING GIRL #THEYRE NOT DONE YET #saw people losing their minds over a WHOLE NEW CAST THEY ANNOUNCED AND I WAS LIKE THIS SHOW???? ISNT DEAD YET ??? #honestly good on total drama for surviving a decade and a half and not completely revamping its style #its still gotta 2007 sharp art vibe

[teruthecreator]

i love that the rise of the internet is contributing to theatre culture on a whole, especially with bringing eyes to certain off-broadway or underground productions (speaking more directly about ride the cyclone). but i am very annoyed by the internetification of theatre in the way of like. fandom culture and forcing these poor actors to be permanently related to certain roles and having to pull back the curtain on certain things that should just always remain a mystery, bc theatre is all about that mystery and of letting the audience sit down unaware and be immersed in something completely new 

#ignorance cloud on #im thinking abt how the actor for noel was like. answering questions people had abt his time on ride the cyclone #and like q&as are fine. theyre often nice bc it humanizes the actor rather than the character #but then at the end he teased answering like a very Fandom Specific Question and it bothered me #bc its like. peeling back the curtain of the show #some things are left unsaid bc thats how stories work. u dont need the actor spelling it out for u #also bc it was related to the dumbass 'noel is talia theory' which like. is so fandom-brained its insane #and it completely destroys the concept of noel and mischa as characters bc it implies an inherent maliciousness in noel w his relation to #mischa. in the way that its predatory to fake being someone and then like. string out this relationship #and it also reduces mischa down to an over-extended gay joke????? which is sad #like his song is full of so much longing and passion #i wish people just left it as is #but the fact that like. even the actor for noel is being bothered abt this is just -__- #i kno fandom culture has been harassing actors abt fan bullshit for decades #but its sad to see it in theatre bc theatre is my home and where i derive the most significant meaning #and i want more people to derive their happiness from theatre bc theatre is so wonderful!!!!!!!!! #but i dont want it to be fandomized in the ways it becoming since the hamilton days #which ig could have something to do w guerilla broadway marketing #but for a smaller production like ride the cyclone its like! a double edged sword basically #bc this show is getting the attention it deserves but its also being dragged to the spotlight in a way that can attract fandom culture #and fandom culture itself is a double edged sword so. yeah #thats ur insane mich rant for the night i will now return to thinking about miku's weird gay kids

[canadiangold]

There have been many good video game bosses. Most of them in Soulsborne games if we're being honest... But nothing will ever make me forget the first time fighting Spirit of Motherwill in Armored Core: For Answer (incidentally, also a game by From Software... go figure)

The fact that the battle begins as soon as you load into the level, how you have to dodge its long range artillery before you even get in sight of this mechanical monstrosity while you're doing mach fuck across a desert. Then once you're actually in close enough to start shooting, it's so big. IT'S SO BIG. it's only ("only") the first boss, but by now you're used to your mech needing an entire 10 lane highway to stand, towering over buildings and literally crushing huge tanks underfoot. But Motherwill... It actually takes a long time to fly around her. But of course, you won't really have time to check because there is a CONSTANT barrage of AA guns, missile salvos, tiny mechs (in comparison to you but still bigger than a Gundam) flying out of her two hangers. You need to be constantly moving in two directions and using your limited (!!!!) supply of flares to survive the onslaught, all while chipping away at her superstructure. She doesn't even have the decency to display a health bar, none of the AC:FA bosses do. But if she did, you'd realize right away (instead of 15 minutes into the fight, like me) that you literally don't have enough ammo for this. You HAVE to bring a sword because your guns, missile launchers, grenade cannons, railguns, and more will simply run out of bang bangs before Motherwill stops trying to kill you. When the victory cutscene plays, and your mech poses next to a piece of wreckage with "Motherwi" written on it, the rush comes to an end and you finally realize you were holding your breath for way too long. The mission complete screen loads up and you get paid, despairing at the repair and ammo costs, and then. Instead of returning to the hanger like usual, the chapter end cutscene plays, and you get another tidbit of lore.

And THEN, two hours later, you fight the SECOND BOSS OF THE GAME and get absolutely rinsed because oh yeah. The folks that made this game went on to create Dark Souls.

Spirit of Motherwill was the best video game boss I've ever faced, and she was only the warmup for Armored Core: For Answer. Over a decade later, I've yet to play anything that comes close to giving me such an experience.

#keep scrolling #rant #armored core #Armored Core For Answer #i desperately wish fromsoft would go back to armored core because yeah dark souls is cool but nothing. #NOTHING i have played in the decade since has come close to the epic sense of scale and speed and power as AC:FA #and THEN there's a new game + that is simply doesn't tell you about #if you start a new game from your completed save file the whole first chapter is exactly the same BUT #you can choose a mission other than Motherwill. instead you fight alongside the second boss of the game: White Glint #and then the story suddenly turns on its head as you fight WITH the terrorists you destroyed in the first playthrough #EXCEPT. this being a fromsoft game. you come to understand they're not evil at all... well. #not evil to anyone other than the rich bastards living in orbital cities as millions choke on the filthy atmosphere they created #i will never get over For Answer

[daincrediblegg]

Watching the entirety of the HBO Mini-series Chernobyl twice in one week has led me to the conclusion that I absolutely would fuck Jared Harris and consider him one of my top dilfs. Do with this what you will

#I say as though this is new information to me but it is not #I have had heart eyes for Jared Harris since I watched him in Two of Us over a decade ago and have summarily thought of him as boyfriend #material ever since #I have completely unquestionable good taste #god what has this week done to my psyche

[tardis--dreams]

Pompeii came out 10 years ago: sounds right. that's not even that long ago?!

Last all time low concert was 5.5 years ago: absolutely not. that's literally impossible. that's like half a lifetime, the Fuck?!

#okay but hear me out #10 years ago i was in school. completely different part of my life than now. it feels 'accurate' to be a decade old #atl being over 5 years ago just hits with so much more force #because (sorry in advance) it really does almost feel like nothing changed at all since then #same university. even same study program. it feels so recent in my memory despite me knowing it was ages ago #but with corona it's even worse #because i still haven't registered it's been THREE fucking years and these 3 years still don't seem real #so idk it kinda feels like these years shouldn't be included in these 5.5 years #sorry #having an existential crisis over this

[andromedasummer]

bro are any drivers from new zealand gonna like. come help with the cyclone cleanup. or even donate some money. we were in a state of emergency. people are dead. thousands are missing. entire towns are buried in silt and cut off. peoples houses are just gone. every other athlete in every other sport we compete in are showing up to help clear out houses or donate things or help fix roads. one of you went on a rant about nz covid restrictions and retweeted our most right wing party. another one of you was born in the city that was hit by the cyclone.

#i know the answer is no because nz rly is just a photo op/place they spend a few months in #would love for them to give a fuck #remember when auckland flooded 3 weeks ago and mitch and nick did fuck all #cheers cunts! this is why nationalism means nothing to me and i will never cheer for you no matter what flag we share! #will never get over that twitter/insta meltdown evans had. unbelievably unhinged. #and not a funny or cute unhinged but a ''is he repeating what those covid-hoax protestors who set fire to my city/caused violence #for a month said out of coincidence. or is he retweeting out far right party and calling our pm the worst in the world #because he's completely aware and doesnt care anyway #or is he just so selfish he wants to go home and doesnt care about the consequences to the public #and did not do any research into anything going on here save the stuff he didnt like and still decided to use his #influential social media to accidentally (?) spread the anti-labour party shit that caused our pm to resign and death threats #to happen to her and other party members on the reg'' #anyway s/o to the all blacks whove been stripping carpet and offering support to people who had to be #airlifted off rooves and lost their livelihood + all other famous/locally famous nzers who are using their position to assist the community #in what is for sure our worst disaster in a decade. esp since the 2011 quake.

[charcubed]

.

#I have a genuine theory that people who are disproportionately and nonsensically enraged about how #they claim that ‘the MCU has forgotten Sam is now Captain America’ or some shit #are people who struggle with sense of time? #and which has now been exacerbated but HOW MUCH MCU CONTENT is released in a very short amount of time nowadays. #it’s been a little over a year since TFATWS finished airing. a whole live action show about Sam. #let me repeat that: A LITTLE OVER A YEAR. #and his movie is in development #and a few years ago this would be considered extremely normal for a main marvel character—because in terms of timeline IT IS. #the claims that captain carter is getting more focus / content are completely nonsensical #(aside from the fact that she’s not captain america and never has been) #in a show dedicated to SIDE STORIES she has a couple episodes. it’s why it’s a ‘what if’ #and then she’s in MoM and it’s hardly a moment of glory #and that’s it!!!! THAT IS IT!!!! #I’m sorry but she’s got nothing to do with Sam or any exaggerated or perceived sidelining of Sam #I think everyone has seen how much MCU content is churned out and they mistake that for = longer than it has been #in OUR world AND in the story world #in which much of this endless content is happening concurrently #so if you want to be like ‘why isn’t Sam shown in Kamala’s avengercon in Ms Marvel’ then ok whatever but #to that I say: he was dusted for 5 years? that con is very much about past happenings? and #Sam has been Captain America for one instance in one city in a world where the universe was saved by heroes around for over a decade #he’s not going to have the same level of ~stans~ yet in universe! IF THEY EVEN KNOW ABOUT HIM YET. #I just think everybody is absolutely batshit for this manufactured rage that’s so baseless #TFATWS CAME OUT A LITTLE OVER A YEAR AGO. #BACK IN MY DAY WE WAITED YEARS IN BETWEEN MOVIES TO SEE SPECIFIC HEROES AGAIN BECAUSE THATS HOW THIS ALL WORKS. #the new accelerated timeline of content release doesn’t change that! it’s other stories happening concurrently! for the love of God

[speedlimit15]

im doing more reading in this math class already than in the last three liberal arts research courses i took. probably because i actually have to relearn this stuff

#i didnt complete a full year of math classes since algebra 1 in freshman yr LOLL #so its been like over a decade