#or those mentally stuck as teens which is functionally the same. These people are as likely to go outside and hurt actual people as terfs

[kjzx]

Ok trans people who say that the so called "transphobia" leads to the endangerment of their lives are, uh, ""valid"" or whatever it is that the youths say nowadays, but when are we going to talk about all the feminist biological females that die from hammer car explosions every year.

Like yeah sometimes women say things out of fear for the young girls worldwide, but you cannot convince me that a random "terf" (which is a slur jsyk) saying that "trans identified females tend to always regret brutalizing their bodies and that manipulating young girls should be a government regulated offense" worse than transgenders saying things like "if youre a terf you should explide severly if youre a transphobe I'll stab you like forreal". Sure let's all ignore what women were being treated like for centuries.

#Transgender #Fr tho #Tw transphobia #This is a hellsite (negative this time) #Still better than VK though #At least over here I won't get to prison for my silly little posts #Sorry for the rhetoric used in this post #But it's less of a funey haha post and more of are you people actually fucking insane post #Both of the ''quotes'' are made up but I've seen both but phrased differently #The joke is that a threat by an online shut-in basement dweller or a 15 yo kid from a different country is never worse #than a social commentary on a topic of the existence of people which is currently being heavily debated by the biggest nations worldwide #Seeing people online writing gruesome guroporn about terfs is disturbing and these people suck but this isn't being used as fuel for actual #hate crime by people who haven't even heard of twitter. The only people who like these things are clinically online left teens #or those mentally stuck as teens which is functionally the same. These people are as likely to go outside and hurt actual people as terfs #Except again. Which of these ''quotes'' is your normie Joe with some kind of power or will to hurt people is more likely to agree with?

[andreal831]

Vampire Ages

One of my least favorite arguments in the TVDU fandom is that it's not creepy for 100+/1000+ year old vampires to date minors because they turned as minors.

The reason in real life that there are laws against dating minors is because minors' brains are not fully developed therefore they can be taken advantage of by people who have more life experience/more maturity.

Now people love to say 'their brains stopped developing so they are stuck at the age they turned.' This would cause so many problems if this was true.

First, Stefan says their bodies function much the same as humans as long as they consume blood. While they don't age, their bodies still function, so I would assume their brains can still function/develop.

Second, if their brains stopped developing, any character development would be basically impossible. Most development occurs because of experience and age. If their brains were not able to develop to the point that they still thought and behaved like minors, the development we see in the show would not have occurred. This would mean we would also see problems on the other end with vampires dating adults because "mentally they are teenagers." But they aren't. They don't think or behave like teenagers.

Brain development is not just a physical thing, but a mental thing as well. You can see this with people who experience trauma at young ages and their development gets "stuck" at the age of the trauma. You see this affect them across their behavior, not just the physical development of the brain. But that doesn't mean they aren't still gaining life experiences and maturing in other ways. This is why, even if someone's development is stopped by something like trauma, there aren't exceptions in laws which allow them to be invovled with minors.

It's also not just about age development but power dynamics, so the problems are even worse for vampires who can compel and physically force humans.

This is all why there are problems with the age differences. Sure they may 'look' like minors (which they definitely do not because most of these characters are played by 30 year old men), but they have 100s of years of experience and knowledge over those around them.

Just because their physical features appear 'young' doesn't mean they are young. They have been through so much life that they are mentally more mature and have more life knowledge than a teenager. They can then use these experiences/knowledge to manipulate teens, which they do throughout the show.

And before you say "it's just a show, get over it." I know it is just a show. But art reflects society. It also influences society. When people argue this point, it is usually young teens who are the most vulnerable to be preyed on in real life by creeps. By normalizing it in art, we normalize it in life. And the show doesn't just normalize it but glorifies it. I've seen people say that the teens are just "more mature" in the show and can be with older men. This is the same argument that predators tell their victims. It is not about the maturity of the teens but the predatory purpose of the adults.

#tvdu #the vampire diaries #the originals #tvd #tvdu metas #metas

[gloriousmonsters]

it's fascinating to see people running the exact same scripts as trensmeds/exclusionists but for mental illness.

I just crossed paths with a post that was a screenshot of a tiktok where someone was clearly frustrated because 'I thought I might have autism but when I tried to bring it up with my therapist she said she literally wouldn't discuss it with me because 'everyone thinks they have it because of tiktok', and the original poster/about 90% of the notes were... celebrating this. Either variations on 'lol based psych' and 'she was right' or people explicitly saying shit like:

'Well, I was trans diagnosed with autism/adhd before it was cool and trendy! I can't believe that the diagnostic criteria is getting made stricter, it's the fault of those transtrenders tiktok kids who pretend to have mental illnesses. I get to gatekeep because I really suffered!'

(Shoutout to the confusing outlier who sagely was like 'and usually they just have bpd' in the tags. just???? just, my fair sir? also source???)

And like. It makes sense and is also so incredibly frustrating for the same reasons as transmed/exclus stuff. When you're a hurt person stuck interacting with a system that makes a lot of decisions about your personal autonomy/function, it messes with your head. It taps into that particular reaction to trauma that there was that one great post about--the mindset you get in when you see people get help when you didn't, and get furious and often default to 'it shouldn't be so easy' or 'why should they get help when I didn't?' And if you're struggling with a system that is, lbr, way more about luck in what specific people you got to talk to than any kind of well-built system, which is historically very flawed and still very flawed... well, a lot of people don't want to admit the system is a crapshoot and the people in it can be wrong so, so often, because then what about my diagnosis? my confirmation that I am what I am? fuck kids with stargenders and self-dxed teenagers with autism, I suffered for this, you can't take it away from me.

Which they aren't. If diagonistic criteria for anything is being made stricter, that's not on tiktok teens, it's on the people who write the criteria and decided that this was how they were going to handle an uptick in people thinking they are/might be autistic. If people are passing anti-trans legislation, that's because they're transphobes, not because of demigirls and non-op trans people. And are all of these kids queer, or mentally ill/ND, in the way they think they are? Probably not. Being a teenager is fucking confusing and often traumatic, and it's also a time when most of them are investigating and trying to build their identities. But I'm willing to bet that almost all are genuinely struggling with something/deviate from 'the norm'; if you want to stop kids from 'believing they're something wrongly' maybe focus your energy on putting the message out that it's ok to be wrong about things, that self-discovery is a process-- in this specifically, how to interact with mental health diagnoses and manage your symptoms, no matter where they stem from, in helpful ways, etc etc.

But please do the bare minimum and don't let personal pain turn you into a bitter, smug asshole who celebrates when they see kids experiencing gatekeeping that could really, really fuck them over, OK? Like physical disability and queer identity, the few 'fakers' you'll 'catch' by being cruel and suspicious will in no way be worth the people dead because only people who REALLY need help should be able to get it.

#long post #sorry lol I just #I can get the emotional/mental place this attitude comes from but as always i feel like i'm the padme meme #'and then we realize those feelings are unreasonable and don't act on them right?' #'....' #'and then we realize those feelings are unreasonable.... and don't act on them #right???' #also just *pulls out another smaller soapbox for a moment* #'kids these days think all their problems and quirks are due to mental illness!' #kids Back In The Day died. or struggled all their lives. because the understanding of mental illness was even more fucked than it is now #do NOT be a fucking 'EVERYONE THINKS THEY HAVE DEPRESSION YOU'RE JUST A WEAK BABY' conservative guys #'oooooh everyone thinks they have adhd and autism' #everyone started 'thinking' they were trans or queer or whatever after learning that it was a possibility #and learning how to recognize whether that was the case with themselves.... fucking crazy right? #I LITERALLY SAW SOMEONE SAYING #'oh they're seeing how symptoms of autism are socially contagious due to tiktok' #do not make this another ROGD! do not make this another ROGD! #mental illness #pro self diagnosis #AND FINALLY. 'lol based psych' PSYCHIATRISTS ARE EXACTLY AS RELIABLE AS ANY OTHER KIND OF DOCTOR. #SLIGHTLY. #THEY CAN BE AND ARE WRONG A LOT #i say this as someone who's benefited a lot from therapy (although i've had to educate my psych on some things) #and who is on medication. doctors and psychs can be lifesaving but they can also #really truly fuck you over because they are human and sometimes idiots or jerks and we should not be trusting them solely #with our mental and physical well-being #ok ok my arms are hurting i shouldn't have typed this much

[zealctry]

I’ve been hinting at this here and there, but let’s state it plainly:  the way I write Hidan, he’s stuck in a ‘perpetual teenager’ mindset.

He’s shockingly impulsive, tends to prioritize the strangest things on the spot, may respond in peculiar ways to stress, has weird sleeping patterns, is prone to make very poor life choices in the blink of an eye (and might not even consider the long-term consequences to follow ––– even worse, when he does, he might just dismiss them and decide to either 'deal with them later' OR 'haha, that will never happen to meee' ). . .. .  probably has an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex which underlies all of this.

sidenote. I’ve never quite made up my mind as to whether or not Hidan physically froze in time when he was changed via the cult of Jashin, around the age of seventeen —— a change which is as much mental as it is physical, and since this isn’t the point of this post, I won’t elaborate on it here. However, more often than not, I go with the option that he was. As such, the implication is plain: his brain is literally underdeveloped. Tragic. I mean yeah, synaptic plasticity, neurogenesis and all of that still happens —he has no problem forming new memories, changing and adapting to conditions and/or over time, etc.—  but there are some real, physically-based issues there. Anyway, moving away from this tangent…

What I mean to discuss is not, however, his neuroanatomy, but a specific aspect of what this means for his characterization and interpersonal relationships/interactions with people.

An important aspect of his being, and behaving like, an adolescent at all times is this: to be a functional human being, Hidan NEEDS ground rules to guide his behavior ( rules of conduct in general )  and a framework within which he should ( must! ) operate. He works best under those conditions, and too much or too little guidance is actually detrimental. Furthermore, he will always try to push those boundaries, will always toe the line and step over it now and again. He simply can’t help himself, even when he knows in advance that it will probably end badly ( though in most cases, much like the majority of teens, he falls under the umbrella of “oh that won’t happen to me” and the illusion of invincibility… which, I mean, in a sense… he’s sort of right. This thinking is exacerbated to a great degree by the fact that he’s, you know, conditionally immortal. He’d likely pull through, and has actually pulled through, a shitload of things that no one else can. It’s made him arrogant. It’s made him rather careless. Sometimes, he's gotten himself into trouble on purpose, because nothing competes to the rush of adrenaline of getting away with something, especially when no one else can.)

The necessary boundaries and rules he requires to function are, for the most part, provided to him by Jashinism; they’re straightforward rules, the expectations are right there, and they regulate some of his conduct without shackling him down too much, allowing him the freedom he craves and requires. Yet sometimes ( which is in fact seldom ) even they can feel stifling, and Hidan’s own innate sense of rebellion makes him want to stick his middle fingers up at them ( although he’d never genuinely turn his back on his religion / the one thing in his life that provides him with a sense of purpose ).

What’s interesting, however, is that he’s not unable to also adapt this to people in his life. He may not seem the type, and it’s rare enough, but he will accept authority figures in his life — or rather, dependable figures in his life, whose rules he will follow, to the same extent as outlined above ( including, of course, the pushing of boundaries ).

These people are few and far between, and almost never the people who are actually people of authority around him — Pein, for example, he disdains. Konan, he’s indifferent to and would never see as more than an equal. Any Kages he’d honestly laugh at. His parents, the police, whatever else? Forget it. The people he will listen to are people whom he deems as worthy to be listened to ( and they are people that Hidan has, in some shape or form, imprinted on and expects, whether consciously or not, to stick around for a long time in his life. They stick around through thick and thin, and he gives them, in his own way, his loyalty ) — he will not always nor absolutely listen to them, of course; he’s just much more inclined to lend them an ear, insofar as whatever they say/demand/ask doesn’t actively contradict his religion (and even that can be somewhat selective; he's a flexible sort of guy!).

So. Kakuzu, he will listen to, to a surprising degree ; he’ll complain, he’ll flip him off, he’ll mouth off and tell him to go choke on a dick, but when push comes to shove, and when you look just a little beneath the surface of those theatrics, he will listen to him (surprisingly, quite easily; so if you want him to listen to your shit, better go to Kuzu first, ig). Q / @sortilegum he will listen to. Abaddon / @cainiine he will listen to. The fact that he might, in fact, attempt to kill either of the latter doesn’t matter or come into play in the equation, really.

But he needs a special kind of guiding ( and unwavering ) hand to steer him along ; otherwise, he’ll bite the hell out of it ( heck, he’ll bite just to see if there are consequences, and what those consequences are - and he will, surprisingly, take them…. albeit never quietly; and he’ll take them far better than one can expect. If he deems them reasonable? He won’t even hold a grudge! )

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ hope this explains a few things~ there's so much more to it, but. have this for now.

#✧. ┊ ― hc . #( me writing down stuff about Hidan in a #stream of consciousness sort of way. #it probably flows poorly but. this is as far as this will get. #i usually just keep these things inside my (very disorganized) mind #for a reason. afghjkl. because make sense how do? )

[cafeleningrad]

From all god damn nostalgia fandoms my colleagues could be into, they're into Naruto and I've thoughts about it, again. Hello 12 year old me!

But apart from any jokes I've zero interest in engaging with the fandom even more the meta because it's ultimately pointless to go through all the Hiruzen-slander, or Uchiha-lore, trying argue for or against Sakura because ultimately Naruto in Shippuden, in it's end is an entire different beast than it's classic beginning.

So, Naruto was a series made for Shounen Jump who's target audience are young teenage boys. The point of Naruto 'n friends being Ninjas who got into tough fights in which people spit fire, throw knives at each other, summon gigantic animals, or teleport through puddles wasn't set up commentary on child soldiers. Ninja-wizards running around in an action setting is the action shit stuff young teens love.

Sure, observed the premise of Naruto under a critical lense, Naruto living on his own since he was a baby is at least a case for the ninja from Child-care-services-gakure to at most extremely unlikely to have survived on his own. (I mean, getting nit-picky, why would people have let survive the kid harbouring the fox-monster in first place???) Same goes for Sasuke living on his own or being as emotionally and mentally stable as he is. Or Hinata. Same for Neji or for Gaara recovering as quickly after being tackled down my talking-no Jutsu. But you now what this unrealistic scenario is very much the same dramatic stuff you about people's first OCs because well duh, again, a series for young teens. A certain lack of realism in a world in which Foxes of thensize of Mount Rushmore live in a mouthy 12-year-old kid could be accepted.

I know, I know, Naruto later became super critical about it's own premise it set up Shippuden but frankly, I can't agree to any anti-Hiruzen-sentiment because Hiruzen's entire function in classic Naruto was the one of a grandfatherly mentor-figure, no more critical thought spent on Naruto's actual life before the start of the story

But we're also talking about an environment in which stuck up adults can get beaten by an oiroke-no-jutsu. Like, the entire world of Classic Naruto was a bit nuts and silly. Naruto transforms into a cute girl just to mess up annoying adults, wins a fight by farting, his mentor is a die hard fan of and constantly has his head stuck between the pages of this world's version of "Fifty Shades of Grey", his next mentor is the best-selling author of named series, that way of running (we all know what I mean), side characters recognizable mostly by very outstanding quirks. The entire world of classic Naruto was whimsical and kinda adoring the details to no end. Be it the art style depicting Konohagakure as a town full full of different shops and quirky architecture, Naruto having plants standing around because his hobbies include gardening, or every character wearing a unique wardrobe, including their choice on where to wear their headbands.

Look, I neither envy nor feel I can blame Kishimoto for weird writing choices. The Shounen-Jump is hell for draining their creator's energies and resources in many ways. The fact even millenium exceptions like Eiichiro Oda come to struggle, indicates how hard it must be for those who don't posses his exceptional stamina and flow of ideas. Definitely a lot what I'm going to criticize is very likely related to Jump not giving their artists the chance to take a break, recover, gain new energy to rejuvenate themselves or their ideas.

Still, when focusing on the plot- progression only, I believe the essence of what made Naruto beloved by so many in it's run shifted rather drastically.

All in all, I think what happened in Naruto Shippuden (well actually kinda beginning at Sasuke's retrival arc beginning to shift the story's focal point on Sasuke's and Naruto's rivalry as driving force :/ ) is what happened to Star Wars with it's sequels:

Overexplaining the whimse actually giving the world it's essence; at some point self refering to it's biggest hits (Tenseigan arc... sure some parts were emotional but man... that was fanservice for hype's sake...), and making everyone special.

In theory I've nothing against Naruto being Minato's son (my suspicion is his looks in classic Naruto weren't designed on accident) but what was charming about Naruto as a disregarded orphan, an underdog protagonist was him much unlike his usual contemporary shounen counterparts (speaking from the date of his first appearence in Jump in the late 90s). Even Gon or Son Goku were already talented from the beginning whereas Naruto may be funny but has to work hard for his achievements. A nobody underdog creating his own place and meaning in life is a super strong concept for a protagonist - if not a great message for young readers.

Yet... in the end Naruto is a reincarnated god or something, so is his rival???Who's family and their Ramen-to-Tonkatsu-gan as 2684th version of the sharingan, in fact Konoha from all various Ninja villages is suddenly the center of all attention. By that point the story could as well has been named "UCHIHA vs the WORLD!!! feat. that runs after that one dense family member (if that wasn't the Jump we could offically name it as it is: gay)".

The existence of jutsu needs to be explained when the audience before just did fine with the idea of "chakra".

Another self-reference and kind of a betrayal regarding the original's theme of becoming your own person was team 7 being carved as copy of the legendary three sanin over taking their abilities and symbolism (RIP Sakura's potential of better character developement.)

Okay, I'm not argumenting properly anymore. So some small notes: * The ninja fights were always a tad bit unrealistic from actual ninja fighting style (surprise who would've guessed orange is an unsuitable for an occupation entailing espionage...). Still the power limit was extremely clear from the beginning. The adults knew more jutsus with more impact, the fights were strategic as no kekkai genkai was so unique as a meteor crushing an opponent to overpower them. In Shippuden ninja abilities are just allover massive impact sayin attacks. * Where on Earth was Iruka, Naruto's central parental figure, during Naruto's emotional struggles?? * So much of the humor is gone. Aside from a few jokes here and there a lot of fun and silliness from the beginning is missing. * The lack of environmental details, more and more reduced individuality in clothing style already in the art style showcase how little energy and thoughts were left for the world.

Don't even get me started on the ending. Konoha destroying, preying on teenagers, organizing an infiltration of not only one but two ninja villages, killing one Hokage Orochimaru is now just the quirky uncle. Naruto and Sasuke who's common trauma was the lack of a loving family in life are bad parents???

One note on Sakura. Arguing about her being "useful" or "good character" is kinda pointless in my eyes because ultimately that would mean trying to make sense of the splotchy development and characterisation she got over the story. (Where was her talent for genjutsu?? Where was potential for her not having to fit the self-referential mold? Boy, I could write a long ass post what I would've loved to happed to her.)

In the end this rant became a full blown mess, and it will take me a while before I can formulate fully structured arguments but my final point is: I can't get meta about a story which is initially split in essentially two different spirits.

One being a quirky world for a young teen action shounen story. The other being a supernatural drama about the Uchiha clan feat. that runs after that one dense family member (if that wasn't the Jump we could offically name it as it is: gay).

#Lewis ranting #naruto rant

[qqueenofhades]

Everytime I read "Nicolo di Genova" my brain glitches and I read "Nicolo do Genovia" instead so /whispers/ Kaysanova Princess Diaries AU?

...yes. Did someone say Gay Champagne Romcom? Because that is my Brand.

Nicolò is an Italian-American graduate student living in New York City with his widowed Italian mother and working on an engineering degree at NYU. He was thinking about joining the priesthood for a few years and recently dropped out of seminary and is feeling that Millennial Crisis that all of us know about. He has gone on a few Tinder/Grindr dates, but it’s hard enough to meet someone in this city even when you’re not a gay ex-priest engineering student living in his mother’s rent-controlled apartment in Morningside Heights because have you seen the property prices in New York. Plus WHENEVER he brings a nice boy home, HEY PRESTO there’s his mom waiting eagerly up in the front room, “NICOLÒ WHO IS THIS HANDSOME YOUNG MAN, DOES HE HAVE GOOD PARENTS, IS HE A CATHOLIC NICOLÒ” and of course that instantly kills any kind of romantic mood. Nicolò is like “let’s just go over to yours PLEASE.” But he tends not to see his dates again anyway, and it’s equally depressing, and it’s nice that his mom isn’t homophobic or anything, but he’d like to just meet someone without his mother instantly planning the Big Fat Gay Italian Wedding, and yes he knows this is a nice problem to have but STILL

Anyway, then of course the Dead Dad Circus rolls into town, and Nicolò learns that he’s not actually the son of a nice hardworking Italian immigrant, but of His Serene Highness Prince Domenico Grimaldi of Genovia, who wouldn’t you know it, has recently died too young from cancer and left no legitimate heir except the result of his rebellious teen fling with a cocktail waitress in Capri – which would be, you guessed it, Nicolò. While Nicolò is still processing the horrifying mental image of his mother being a cocktail waitress in Capri and having to look up Genovia on a map, the rest of the royal machine is kicking into overdrive. This involves a very awkward meeting in a very fancy Manhattan hotel with Nicolò’s magnificent but rather out-of-touch royal grandmother, Her Serene Highness The Queen Mother Maria Elisabetta Henrietta Julia Victoria Mignonette Grimaldi of Genovia. She’s basically Julie Andrews because obviously. She informs Nicolò of his Solemn Duty to return to Genovia and become Prince Nicolò and eventually be prepared to take the throne and submit to a fascinating life of minor European royal family ribbon-cutting duties. Oh, and getting married and producing more heirs to the throne, on pain of breaking a thousand-year-old bloodline, though she doesn’t say this out loud. Her loyal right-hand man, driver, and general bodyguard/fixer/man about town, Sebastien le Livre aka Booker, gives Nicolò various sympathetic looks but does not interrupt.

Nicolò obviously freaks out and runs off to call up his best friend at NYU, Andy. Andy is some indeterminate degree of years older than him, in some indeterminable stage of her Classics PhD, and sometimes says weird things like how badly the Library of Alexandria had already been defunded by the Roman emperors before it finally burned, like she was there and holds a personal grudge about it. She is a cranky vodka-drinking lesbian who rides a motorcycle, gets them into periodic scrapes, and understands his shit dating life. She deeply empathizes with all his “I’m not going to run away and leave my life in New York to become part of some creakingly antique regressive imperial monarchic system of racist and homophobic oppression, NO SIR!” Fight the power, Nicolò. Fuck those guys.

Of course, however, Julie Andrews Grandmother Maria prevails and Nicolò is forced to take Prince Lessons, which he hates but tries to be a good sport about, because, well, he’s Nicolò and he’s a good person. He is then whisked off on a private plane to Genovia, because they want to see him in situ before they make a final decision on accepting him as their prince. There of course we have the high-life palaces and parks and snooty clueless aristocrats who look at Nicolò like he’s a prize racehorse and have absolutely zero clue, none, nada, about the real world. Just as Nicolò is about to firmly decide that this is a complete crock of shit and he’s going back to NYU, he meets….

Prince Yusuf “call me Joe” al-Kaysani.

Joe is a minor member of one of the Middle Eastern royal families, some fictional tiny Gulf kingdom that is super SUPER oil rich. He has a title and a lot of money but doesn’t have a clearly defined role in the family, other than that he’s been ordered not to embarrass it. Nicky does not know this when they first meet, but obviously it’s not possible to be an out gay prince in a conservative Arabian-peninsula Islamic kingdom, and therefore the fixers have arranged for Joe to be publicly dating a daughter of the Malaysian sultan, Quynh. (We are making her Malaysian in this instance so she can also be Muslim and hence an appropriate match for Joe.) Except Princess Quynh is also hella lesbian and is getting the same thing out of the fake dating with Joe that he is, i.e. throwing people off the scent of their real selves. They spend their time together in private eating popcorn, commiserating about their lives and crazy royal families and the press invading their privacy, watching romcoms, and Judging the Straights. They’re actually best friends and text each other all the time, so at the royal function where Joe runs into the stiff and nervous and clearly overcompensating New Guy who’s evidently the New Prince of Genovia, and oh my god Q he’s the Most stuck up person I’ve EVER MET, Quynh is the first to hear ALL about it. She immediately suspects that Joe doth protest too much.

Meanwhile, Nicky meets Nile Freeman, another young American (from Chicago, obvs) who is working at some important EU institution currently headquartered in Genovia. They also hit it off and Nile tells Nicky about the things she wants to do to help change the world and why she’s here, and he is moved by her kindness and altruism and remembers that that was what he wanted too, and why he joined the priesthood in the first place. He opens up to her about the shock of learning the truth about his now-dead dad and the crazy whirlwind he’s been sucked into and how he doesn’t know what to do, and their friendship is beautiful and we love it.

Meanwhile, of course, Nicky and Joe keep running into each other and getting on each other’s nerves, Nicky is thisclose to calling up Booker and ordering him to deport Joe because why is he always here (Booker, of course, will eventually become a secret ally in helping them see each other, but that is not quite yet). There is some Shenanigan where they end up both getting into trouble, Grandmother Julie Andrews is not amused, and finally they are forced to sit next to each other for a whole state dinner and Be Polite, because Genovia is trying to forge better relations with Joe’s kingdom. (Genovia is tiny, ancient, and broke, Joe’s kingdom has obviously a ton of money, there are old historical ties between them, some Genovians traveled to the kingdom in the past, Genovia’s trying to improve its human rights record and take in more refugees, etc. Nile is also helping with this last). So Nicky and Joe get ordered to fake a highly convincing bromance and pretend they’ve been best buddies all along (think Red White and Royal Blue) and that means they have to actually learn about each other and spend time together and ugh, he’s a spoiled rich playboy brat, and ugh, he’s a clueless American who thinks he’s better than us, and…

Oh no.

Yes, of course they fall in love, they deny it as hard as they can, Nile and Quynh and Booker are all increasingly exasperated by their attempts to pretend they’re not, and finally they kiss and make love and admit their feelings and that they want to be together. Then of course they get outed by some scheming evil cabinet minister (Merrick) who doesn’t want Nicky to become king and disapproves of him dating (gasp) a MUSLIM WHO IS ALSO A MAN, and there’s a huge scandal and a ton of drama and the usual Romcom Breakup Angst as they decide whether they can still see each other. Andy flies out to Genovia to comfort Nicky, Booker has a Word With The Queen, and Joe hides in his room until Quynh (along with Nile, who she’s met and hit it off with) appears to tell him that he has to be brave, she’ll help.

Anyway, etc etc., Drama, “I love him no matter what, if you don’t accept him you don’t accept me and your STUPID BLOODLINE CAN CHOKE” speeches from Nicky, Julie Andrews sees the light, they decide that Nicky and Joe can keep seeing each other, and it’s all rather sweet. There’s a lot of public relations to be managed and whether Joe’s family is going to disown him and what this will mean for the whole international relations thing, but… one thing at a time.

Nicky agrees to become Prince of Genovia as long as he can be with Joe, Joe decides that hey, he likes Nile too and there’s plenty of meaningful work to be had here and the three of them can join forces to do good things and he’s going to stay, and the Genovian public obviously comes around and loves them. Nobody can find Princess Quynh. It’s rumored she ran off to America with a cranky vodka-drinking PhD student of indeterminate age and was last seen on the back of a motorcycle heading west.

Everyone lives happily and gayly ever after.

The End.

#the old guard fanfiction #joe x nicky #kaysanova #anonymous #ask

[anonymous0writer]

Innocent

Author: @anonymous0writer​

Warnings: Swearing. Alcohol/drug use? Drug addiction. heavy drugs. Two second mention of Cancer.

Requested: Yes!

“songfic request :: Innocent by Taylor Swift × Rafe“

A/N: My first Rafe fic!!! Yay! I hope you enjoyed it and it was good! I hope I did Rafe justice. (I also came up with why Ward’s first wife wasn’t in the picture. And I came up with her name.)

Also, I’ve never dealt with addiction, (or did drugs) so I tried to write it to the best of my ability. I’m sorry if I didn’t convey it well! 

Also this is LONG!! :)

Also a shout out to @lindzaylove​ for giving me all these songfics!!

I guess you really did it this time Left yourself in your warpath Lost your balance on a tightrope Lost your mind tryin' to get it back

Rafe glared at the floor, his vision swimming as he desperately tried to keep his tears in. His breathing was erratic, sharp and shallow, coming in and out in shaky intervals. 

He couldn’t handle it. He ached for it. For the coke to reenter his veins and light him up, and give him another high. The pressure in his head was almost too much, and he let a tear fall down his cheek. A silent reminder of his pain and mental war. 

Rafe knew it wasn’t good to feel this way about it. But he needed it. To shut out the absence of his father’s love, to forget how Sarah was the favorite, to forget how he was suck a fuck up. God, how he needed the drug in his veins. The coke made his forget and ache a little less. It helped blur the lines of his disastrous life and unlovable self.

He was trying. For a while. He tried so hard to be the good, perfect son to his father. But the need for the coke tugged at the back of his mind, and his father just denied his plea for love. That’s all Rafe wanted. To feel loved and wanted and a part of his family. Sure, he’d never been the perfect kid, but it was built in for a parent to love their kid, right? No matter what? That love was unconditional? Right? 

So once again denied, Rafe turned to the only thing he could nurse comfort out of. Coke. And the vicious circle started again. Rafe never got love, so he turned to coke, which made him fuck up, which made him even more lost to his father love and approval.

Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days? Always a bigger bed to crawl into Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything? And everybody believed in you?

It used to not be so bad. Back when he had you. And when he mother was still in the picture. If you looked closely into Rafe Cameron’s past, lots of things caused Rafe to be the way he was today. 

The first turning point was when Sarah was born. Rafe had been his father’s pride and joy. Ward and Melissa has tried several times before Rafe stuck. The pregnancy had been hard and rough, and Ward hated the way Melissa was in pain all the time, causing a very small hatred for his unborn son.

And then Sarah came along. Rafe was three, and somehow he knew why there was a sudden shift in attention. This naturally came with every newborn baby, but the young boy knew it was different. Rafe was used to mind games, by the way his father walked and talked around the house. 

Sarah became the shining light, and the sole bearer of her parents attention and praise. But Melissa noticed Rafe’s acting up. How he grew silent and didn’t talk when Sarah came into the room, or when Ward did. He knew all too well what to do when his father or sister was in the room. Because when Sarah was there, why would he be the focus? He’d been told to be quiet and ‘shh’ed so many times that he learned to stop talking all together when his baby sister entered. And his father had the same effect. The young boy was used to begin second best and ignored, but only when it came to his father and sister.

His mother didn’t ignore her son. She loved him and refused to silence her child, even if she thought Sarah was a better child. After all, the birth and pregnancy had been so much better, and she’d been a perfect baby. 

So Rafe grew to deprived of love and envying Sarah and pitying Wheezie. The youngest didn’t even have a chance. Melissa and Ward hadn’t even wanted another child. But they’d been pleasantly surprised. But the new addition to the family still didn’t have a chance. Sarah was still miles above where she and Rafe stood. At least the boy had gotten some love before Sarah arrived. But maybe he had it worse. After all, he knew what it was like to be loved and then he’d been stripped of it. Wheezie didn’t even know what it felt like, so how could she be broken over it?

And then Melissa died. Cancer had hit her hard and fast. Took her down with a swift motion. The one person Rafe had to love him was gone. So now, the ten year old had to live without love and a mother.

The boy grew up, trying to please his father that never could be satisfied. He tried his hardest in school, and did quite well, but not to Ivy League standards. Or his fathers. But soon, Rafe came to realize he could do things without consequences with his money and his grades dropped. So the sixteen year old went down a short path of causing destruction where ever he went and picking fights at the tiniest thing. That stopped once Ward found out. 

That night Rafe was slapped across the facing, sending him to the floor. Of course, neither sister or Rose had been there. No one witnessed the abuse, so if Rafe ever came out about it, Ward would make sure to crown his son as a liar, if that wasn’t his title already. 

That night was yelled at, Wards voice making the boy cower, his cheek still stinging terribly. Rafe touched his cheek where a welt was blooming. He looked up, terrified, at his father. Ward was towering, eyes hard and furious. 

After that night, the blue eyed boy stayed straight until the night be met Barry. Rafe had been straying from his clear path, and Barry only turned him in the wrong direction. It started with a pill every couple months. And Rafe continued to blur the lines and ease his mind until he was lying on the floor, broken.

And here he was. Broken, half homeless, kicked out, unloved and not even on his father’s radar and addicted.

It's alright, just wait and see Your string of lights is still bright to me Oh, who you are is not where you've been You're still an innocent You're still an innocent

It was two months before Rafe’s nineteenth birthday (and before he teetered off the edge of his addiction) when he met you. You were on the Cameron’s yacht, there for a small Kook get together. Ward had invited your father and his family. 

So there you were, white bikini stark against your tan skin. Sunglasses pushed up to perched on your head, half buried in your long, silky hair. Smile bright as you talked to Sarah. 

Rafe had never felt breathless, or felt his stomach flip. But the was a first time for everything. And he felt both as he watched you. Intrigued, the boy made his way over to you. 

“Hello, ladies.” He smirked, taking a second to admire you upclose.

Sarah raised her eyebrows at her brother. “Hi Rafe.” She smiled, and was quick to introduce you two. “Y/N, this my brother Rafe. Rafe, this is Y/N.” 

Rafe thanked his sister silently for the first time in his life. He reached out, shaking your hand as you smiled. Your shake was good and firm. 

“I know who you are,” You cocked your head slightly at the boy. “The infamous Rafe Cameron.”

Rafe swallowed. Did you think badly of him? Doubts swirled in his mind as he carried on the conversation with you. Despite his doubts, talking to your was incredibly easy.

You however, were immediately attracted to your friend’s older brother. Rafe was tall, cocky and bad. Exactly what broke you, but exactly what you fell for. Every damn time. You knew he was a druggie and did shitty things, but you had a thing for guys with problems. But as you continued talking to the tall boy, Sarah slinking away, you found it was a natural conversation. Not stiff, polite ones that you always held at Kook functions.

Rafe was one confusing character. He was bad. Wholly and completely bad, and you knew that. Yet as you talked, there was something in his eyes and in the way he talked that seemed nice and genuine. And if he himself hadn’t gotten you falling, that did. 

Your relationship picked up fast, jumping from step to step with ease and grace. You’d already been deemed as Rafe’s bitchy girlfriend, and you guys has already has sex. Multiple times. In his house. In yours. In his car. On the beach. In the water. Everywhere. As you dated, you guys dealt with the titles granted to you. You were apparently a bitch, and Rafe was, well, he already gained his title. 

Your parents were furious that you went out with a druggie and brought him home. But that’s part of the reason you did it. You’d never been one to fit in the lines, and Rafe was exactly the type of person to competently fuck the lines. 

So when Rafe asked you to be his date to his birthday, you said yes. But you had no idea what you were getting into. And the party was riskier and more outside the lines than you thought. Sure, you’d gotten shitfaced drunk and did drugs those few times, but this party was over the top. And it had your boyfriends name written all over it. 

Beer and vodka at every turn. Cocaine and pills passed into every hand, snorted up every nose and given to every doe eye person here. Music, heavy and nasty hung in the air, pulsing and thriving in the air. Cheers and chants filled the air like a bad smell. The party was the living thought of a classic high school party. Drugs, alcohol, and horny, grinding teens in abundance. You gaped at your boyfriend, feeling like you were too outside the lines to even see them. This was too much. You weren’t like these people. Sure you acted like it, but in reality, you only did drugs because of peer pressure and only downed beers on dares. You weren’t the bitch or person everyone thought you were. You hadn’t even had sex more than twice before you met Rafe. You knew Rafe changed you and you didn’t care. But if this is what everyone thought you did on a regular basis, your boyfriend had changed you more than you thought. 

Just as you were about to pull away and tell the birthday boy you felt sick, he kissed your neck and led you into the middle of the party. In the throng of people pushing and jumping and calling it dancing. Stuck in the middle of these hundreds of people, you couldn’t leave.

So you fell with Rafe. Fell into the welcoming arms of drugs and too much alcohol. You knew Rafe did this somewhat regularly, but you were too faded to realize that he was miles ahead of you. You didn’t even know he was about to hit the bottom.

Did some things you can't speak of But at night you'll live it all again You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now If only you had seen what you know now then

Rafe took another big breath, brain screaming, eyes heavy, limbs weak. He was exhausted and aching. He needed the coke like he needed air. His body screamed for the drug to thrive in his veins again. To make he happy and alert. To give strength and power back. 

He sobbed, lying on his back, tears streaming down his face, staining his cheeks. It felt like he couldn’t breath. No it didn’t feel that way. He couldn’t fucking breath. He rasped, eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. 

Rafe couldn’t think straight. He didn’t even know where he was or how he’d gotten here. He could barely focus on the sounds around him and the soft, tiny breeze against his sweaty skin. His mind was clouded. With need and filthy desperation. He couldn’t think straight. But if he had coke....

The blue eyed boy took another But as he thought of how desperate he was for a lick of coke, he thought of you. And how you’d be here. If he hadn’t broke you.

After his party, you’d been in a bad place. You’d gotten fucked. Worse than that. You passed out on the floor, mind too wild and full of static with the high of drugs and the haze of every alcohol at the party in your veins.

You’d been to the hospital and been in bed for days after that. You felt beyond horrible. You couldn’t find the strength to get out of bed. You refused to see Rafe. You didn’t want to see anyone. Because you hated yourself. You allowed yourself to get so fucked you were in the hospital. How could you let yourself do that? 

But you slowly got better. And clean. You got out of bed. You showered. You saw people who were good influences. Only people who stayed when you fucked up beyond repair. You’d promised yourself you wouldn’t go back to your past. You’d be a new, better Y/N Y/L/N.

So you left Rafe behind.

Lives change like the weather I hope you remember Today is never too late to Be brand new

Rafe had tried so hard. So hard. To be better, be he couldn’t help himself. He need the coke. Like he needed his father’s approval. Like he needed you. But the traps of the drug were too easy to fall into. Too hard to escape from, so he fell back in without skipping a beat. 

Rafe was still on the floor when you found him. You hadn’t tried to find him. Hell, you’d gone to see Sarah. But there was Rafe, broken down and sobbing on the floor of his kitchen, completely alone. 

You bent down, dropping your stuff and stared wide eyed at the boy before you. The boy who used to touch you and keep his eyes on you. The boy who caused your down fall. “Rafe?” You whispered, the words barely audible.

Rafe blinked, his hearing and mind sharpening. His blue eyes refocused on you. 

“Y/N?” He wasn’t even sure he spoke the words, or if you heard him since the words were so broken. 

“What the hell happened to you?” You demanded, studying him. 

His skin was sweaty and pale. His eyes were unfocused and heavy, tears softly spilling down the side of his face. Rafe’s lips parted to release shallow, uneven breathing. The boy’s usual slicked back hair was in disarray, sticking up at unnatural places, and un-gelled. He looked like shit, to be frank. 

“I,” he couldn’t even form a sentence, but somehow you understood. 

He was in withdrawal. Rafe needed coke. You breathed a curse, and tried to calm his slight shaking. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Rafe.” You assure as you tried to figure out what to do. You were lost. 911? What did you do?

“I’m,” Rafe started, eyes trying so hard to focus on you. “I’m sorry.” 

You stopped fussing, going dead still. Of all the things he could say, you didn’t expect him to say that. But you met his pale eyes. 

“I was trying,” he took a deep breath. You stayed deathly still, afraid you’d loose this fragile version of the boy you used to know. “I was trying to be better- for you.”

You heart broke. For you. It seemed that fucking you up made him want to be better too.

“It’s okay, Rafe.” You smiled tightly and cupped his cheek. His skin was sweaty and sticky. “Alright? You’re gonna get help. You’ll be okay.”

It's all right, just wait and see Your string of lights are still bright to me Oh, who you are is not where you've been You're still an innocent

You watched as they took Rafe away. The image of the shaking, half breathing boy on his kitchen floor, alone, was seared into your brain. You couldn’t shake it. And his words still rang in your head like bells. 

I’m sorry. I was trying to be better. For you.

You closed you eyes quickly, swallowing the lump in your throat. That version of Rafe that said sorry was the same that you spoke to on the Cameron’s yacht that fateful day. Even though you were right about Rafe having a better side, you didn’t feel triumphant. You just felt empty. His state reminded you of the night where you life turned upside down. 

I know Rafe. And I’m sorry too.

A/N 2: I hope you liked it (and it was good). I hope I did him and this justice. This was very fun to write and I have more Rafe coming up!!

Tags: @katie-avery @calumbroutledge​ @drew-starkey​ @thelocalpogue​ @ijustreallylovethem​ @jjmaebank​ @rretrophilee​ @obxlife​

#obx #outer banks #outer banks imagine #obx netflix #rafe #rafe cameron #obx rafe #outer banks rafe #rafe x reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe outer banks #rafe obx #sarah cameron #sarah obx #sarah outer banks #kiara outer banks #pope heyward #john b routledge #jj maybank #rafe imagine #drew starkey

[sailormoonandme]

My thoughts regarding the Usagi/Mamoru age gap

I am writing this in response to this thread.

To be clear as crystal here, this is just my take on the situation.

With all that said, for the sake of argument let's say we are in total agreement that in real life a 14 year old middle schooler and a 17 year old college student shouldn't be dating.*

But that is the key phrase here: 'Real life'.

The thing is...there is no end of fairy tales or media aimed at children that at best start to fall apart or at worst become extremely creepy when you apply a realistic lens to it.

That is the joke about the majority of Disney's canon in fact. For instance, Aladdin was 18 whilst Jasmine was 16. I'm British and over here 16 is the legal age of consent for sex but even so I'm at least iffy on a 16 year old dating an 18 year old. And to trade off some of the comments elsewhere in the above linked thread, you could absolutely argue there was a 'mental gap' between Al and Jas given how she was a sheltered and somewhat naive princess who'd never left the palace and he was a streetwise older guy who'd obviously flirted and charmed his way out of trouble before.

But let's consider a different Disney classic, perhaps their most famous movie, the Lion King.

The Lion King is a beloved and rightly iconic movie but if you take it at face value and realistically (albeit ignoring the fact that animals can talk, sing and are capable of human emotions and cultural references) it's guilty of:

Promoting incest because Simba and Nala would have at best been first cousins (Nala being Scar's daughter) at worst brother and sister. Because that is how lions work. Male lions murder the cubs of other males with the possible exceptions of their brother's cubs where they co-rule a pride. Even with the best case scenario, deleted scenes had Scar try to make Nala his queen and those scenes were reinserted for the hit Broadway musical. So either a brother and sister hook up or two first cousins hook up and a Dad tried to have sex with his daughter.

Promoting racial/class segregation: The Hyenas are from the 'dark shadowy' place and are given traits you can easily interpret as associated with black, Hispanic, Latinex or mentally disabled people. They are also framed with Nazi imagery and it is Scar's decision to let them roam freely that causes famine. Simba beats them, they are forced back to 'where they came from' and all is well.

Promoting authoritarian absolute monarchies. That's the whole movie's plot. Simba must embrace his destiny as the 'rightful ruler' of the pridelands whereby all other animals bow down to him. It's not even like the lions are the ruling class and they are at least democratic amongst themselves, it's literally this ONE specific bloodline that is not only in charge but is SUPPOSED to be in charge. Even if the wrong person from that bloodline is in charge the entire land suffers until the 'right' person takes the throne. That's a pretty terrible and pretty anti-democratic message isn't it, and that's coming from someone who lives in a country WITH a monarchy.

And, I admit this one is a serious stretch, but you could even argue that it's saying two men raising a child is a detriment to said child. Because Timon and Pumba raise Simba into an adult and the movie is very clear that he's grown up wrong, he is not the person he should be because he's embraced Timon and Pumba's upbringing.

So you see...the Lion King is mega terrible.

Except it isn't.

Because we all have the cognitive ability and understanding to grasp that you are not SUPPOSED to take it that realistically nor at face value. Even as children we grasped that, hence the generation that grew up with the Lion King (by and large) obviously don't think incest is okay, don't oppose same sex couples raising children, don't think segregation is a good idea and clearly do not think monarchies are the bee's knees.

Maybe as kids people couldn't put it into words, but material like this essentially exists in this realm of symbolism, psychological shorthand if you will.

In fact all fairy tales do that.

And Sailor Moon IS a fairy tale, or at the very least it borrows a whole lot from fairy tales.

In addition to being a fairy tale though Sailor Moon is a wish fulfillment fantasy story intended for a female audience (or at least a predominantly female audience).

Now of course what one woman's wish fulfillment fantasy might be may not be another's and I wouldn't be so presumptuous as to argue that Sailor Moon even clicks with the wish fulfillment fantasies of MOST female audience members. But I think it's fair to say from the cultural impact it has had, and how it's fanbase is clearly mostly made up of women, that the wish fulfillment fantasy it offers clicks with a sizeable enough number of women.

The reverse is true of something intended as a male wish fulfillment fantasy. James Bond was obviously intended as a male wish fulfillment fantasy, and it's success speaks to how it clearly clicked with a sizable enough number of people. And I don't think I'm being overly presumptuous here when i say MOST of those people were male.**

Both SM and 007 are wish fulfillment power fantasies but they are also romantic/sexual fantasies too.***

I don't think it's unreasonable to argue that for a sizable number (but not necessarily the majority) of women, including the tween/teen girls SM was aimed at, having an OLDER lover is a romantic wish fulfillment fantasy. On the flipside I don't think it's unreasonable to argue that for a sizable number of men and boys having an endless string of casual and completely consequence free sexual encounters with (traditionally speaking) gorgeous women who find you incredibly attractive is a sexual wish fulfillment fantasy.

And the thing is BOTH those things can become bad when you apply a realistic lens to either of them.

James Bond's sex life realistically would involve at least a few sexually transmitted diseases, unintended pregnancies (one of which occurs in the novels) and at least a few callously broken hearts. Even when you look at it strictly from Bond's POV that life only seems glamorous at first glance. Perhaps it is a fun fantasy, but only when it remains in the realm of fantasy. Because in real life that kind of life if lived long term is ultimately incredibly empty and unfulfilling. Even James Bond media has acknowledged this because there have been occasions in the novels and films where he has at least attempted to settle down with a stable partner. Many Bond fans (understandably) decry this as undermining part of the appeal of the character hence Bond inevitably defaults back to being single because that is a baked in part of the wish fulfillment fantasy the character offers.

Let's consider some other ways the Sailor Moon anime offers a wish fulfillment fantasy, namely the future of Crystal Tokyo.

At first glance it seems wonderfully utopic right. It is a beautiful crystalline world where everyone lives in peace and harmony, hunger disease and even aging having been functionally eliminated.

Well, that isn’t the case if you apply a realistic lens to it.

It's an absolute monarchy wherein everyone is functionally immortal and children don't reach maturity even after 900 years. Chibi-Usa clearly chafes at this reality so how do you imagine other children (who aren't royalty) might feel? How might their parents feel having to raise their children and be responsible for them for centuries as opposed to around twentysomething years? What if you became immortal in your 80s, you might be a very healthy 80 year old but you aren't in the prime of your life and you are stuck that way for what is essentially forever. Not to mention what if you don't like or do not agree with Neo-Queen Serenity's policies? What if they are actively detrimental to you, your family, your livelihood, etc? You can't vote her out of power and you can't even hope for things to change because everyone is healthy, provided for and lives forever. The chances of someone else coming to power are at best very, very, very slim.

Then you have the fact that it’s surely a society that would’ve stagnated because everyone is provided for. That’s the whole point of a utopia. It is perfection. But what if you are someone who defined your live by striving for improvement? What if you were a doctor and now found yourself redundant. Sure, you might acknowledge that’s for the greater good but you are still yourself left completely without purpose in this world.

And that’s not even considering the inevitable monotony of existing for hundreds of years. Modern medicine and science has allowed human beings to extend their life spans FAR beyond how long we’d live if we were still just cave people. As biological organisms are concerned we never evolved to live for 80-90 years. Even if your body isn’t breaking down across the centuries the human mind would never realistically be able to cope with centuries worth of memories and life experiences. Mental illnesses and conditions would be rife. If nothing else living in that world would sooner or later become utterly BORING!

Hate to say it and obviously it doesn’t justify their methods, but the Black Moon Clan kind of have some valid points against the world of Crystal Tokyo. At least they do when you break things down REALISTICALLY.

And that’s my thesis here. Sailor Moon isn’t supposed to be dissected realistically, at least not to THAT degree. It is a wish fulfilment fairy tale fantasy and demands a certain amount of suspension of disbelief and understanding of what the fantasy is offering.

And for the record I can 100% assure that no teenager in real life has, or could, ever get into a harmful relationship with someone older than them BECAUSE they watched Usagi and Mamoru’s relationship in the anime.

The human mind is a very complex and very powerful thing. At a younger age it’s impressionable and can therefore be influenced. But it’s not so susceptible that the romantic relationships in a cartoon about schoolgirl super heroes is going to influence a viewer into making any major life decisions that OTHER factors weren’t also influencing them to do.

In other words if a real life 14 year old girl began dating a 17 year old college guy it would’ve happened regardless of whether they watched Sailor Moon as a child or not.

Indeed, one of my frustrations with the podcast Sailor Business is how many guests on the show cite how they liked Usagi and Mamoru as children but now think their relationship is bad and creepy. I disagree with them for the reasons I cited above, but the fact that those panellists nigh universally give that same narrative proves how nobody was ever going to be prompted to do anything potentially harmful to themselves in real life by the show.

*Personally speaking that is certainly my own off the cuff attitude.

**Not to dismiss the fans who aren't, same goes for the non-female SM fans.

***Although I think you could argue SM is more on the romance side of things and 007 on the sexual side of things.

#My Essays #bishojo senshi sailor moon #pretty soldier sailor moon #pretty guardian sailor moon #sailor moon #tuxedo mask #mamoru chiba #chiba mamoru #usagi tsukino #tsukino usagi #James Bond #007 #Lion King #The Lion King #Disney #Crystal Tokyo

[aion-rsa]

How iCarly Defined a Millennial Era

https://ift.tt/3yoqPme

For those of us in the late millennial generation, TV, movies, and videogames of the late 2000s were ideal platforms to explore the ways in which the planet was changing rapidly. They were a way for teens to connect with each other when the older folks were too stuck in their ways to move along with the new times. And when certain pieces of entertainment really nailed the intricacies of the era, that media became eternally ingrained in the psyche of the audience it was targeting.

iCarly ran on Nickelodeon from 2007 through 2012 and embodied these descriptions more than any other adolescent show of the decade. Starring Miranda Cosgrove as the clever and ambitious 13-year-old Carly Shay, the show depicted the journey of teenage exploration through the eyes of her webshow, a program that eerily resembled the entertainment provided by YouTube pioneers and OG social media stars of the time. 

With her friends Sam (Jeannette McCurdy) and Freddie (Nathan Kress), and her goofy older brother Spencer (Jerry Trainer), Carly shared her oddball sense of humor with her web show audience, and vicariously through her actual TV audience behind the fourth wall. A show within a show is nothing novel, but it was a bold decision from showrunner Dan Schneider to create a world that allowed young people to explore their creativity on screen in a way that was completely unique to the years being lived in. 

For those who didn’t fit the targeted demographic the first time around, it would be no shock if they didn’t understand why the show was being revived for Paramount+ this summer. To truly understand why the series connected with ‘90s babies, you’d have to have trekked with the show through the internet globalization that it was birthed into. Millions of returning fans rushed to watch the trailer and were rewarded with the familiar humor they were looking for when the show returned on June 17. 

Unfortunately, Sam is absent from Carly’s life now because McCurdy chose not to return due to the toll on her mental health from working in the entertainment industry as a child and young adult. New character Harper (Laci Mosley) fits in nicely as a semi-replacement, sharing Sam’s spunk but also adding some racial and sexual diversity (the character is both Black and dates women). Spencer has finally cashed in on his dream of being an artist, but it hasn’t altered his struggles to find a wife or create a family outside of his little sister. Freddie has a step-daughter from a divorce and is living with his mom again after failing to make it big as a tech entrepreneur. 

All of the occupations and tribulations of the cast make sense and fit with what we would have imagined would happen to these people in the nine years since going off the air. 

Read more

TV

What Nicktoon Reboots We Want to See Next

By Nick Harley

Both the original airing of the show and this reboot fit together like a locktight time capsule, displaying for the viewers at home a select set of people who are simultaneously relatable, but also even more flaky and unpredictable than ourselves. In 2007, Carly and her cohort wanted to show the world all of the zany things that suddenly poof into the millennial mind: what happens if you hit someone with a sock full of butter? What about putting a grown man’s face inside a plastic baby’s body and flinging ketchup, lotion, shampoo, and other gooey substances all about the crib? 

iCarly is special because it was and still is all about feeling free to do whatever the hell you want, whenever you want, and not being embarrassed to share it with the world! It had a keen understanding of the teenage struggle, and that sometimes letting off steam and just doing some stupid crap and broadcasting it to people who are like you is a great anecdote for the most confusing time in life, compounded by existing on a planet that had never been more in the process of evolving. The show even brilliantly foretold some of the pop culture events of the early 2020’s, such as feverish fan panels a la Comic-Con, or social media stars getting in the boxing ring for a minute or two. 

Through the first four episodes of the reboot the characters’ choices in social media interaction reflect their growth in age; the webshow remains as the chosen avenue for Carly to project her views to the world. If the original were being made today, Tik Tok would almost certainly be the chosen medium for Carly’s teenage fans. Today’s adolescents are experienced vets in tech, whereas 2007’s were pioneers still learning the new ways. Being trampled by the overabundance of options available, the current kids are most attracted to instant gratification and short bursts of artistic expression. YouTube is a little too long-format for the contemporary attention span, but it fits like a glove for 20-somethings who are willing to adapt and learn about new world affairs, but are also starting to sound more and more like their “get off my lawn” ancestors. 

This is why the show embraces having been pigeonholed into the demographic that is so in love with it nearly 15 years after the pilot episode (the show’s trailer on YouTube has garnered nearly 4.5 million views in the month of June and the official Twitter account has over 3.5 million followers). Every piece of humor and every choice the characters make is a reflection on a little bit of ourselves trying to figure out what the hell this world means and how we can become successful in it. 

While older folks call us lazy or undriven for using these artistic or unconventional methods to try and achieve greatness, we know that we are simply not going to be deterred until we are thriving in the chaos. If you live outside of this bubble, you’ll think of the show with the same confusion that someone from this time would perceive Ferris Bueller’s Day Off or Sixteen Candles. The former is celebrated on Twitter annually on the anniversary of its release, and younger generations are expected to worship at the altar of an iconic flick that screams 1980s and nothing else.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

And that is the most universal thing about iCarly and any other era-specific piece of media, the concept that ties them all together for every age: if entertainment understands where it came from and why it exists, there is no reason to try and progress forward or backward from that point. The memories are unaffected, and even when the nostalgia-glasses are removed, the emotions and lessons of the work have an ability to transport us right back to where it came from. And if they remake the show again in 2040 when Carly has her own teenage kids, we’ll still be there to see where she takes them!

The iCarly revival series is available to stream on Paramount+ now.

The post How iCarly Defined a Millennial Era appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2UZYVhO

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

[pigtailedgirl]

Cobra Kai LOVE

So I finally got to watch all of Cobra Kai after loving the first two free episodes on Youtube but not affording it or having access til Netflix.

Dad and I nostalgia tripped it together and it's so good and it was also a great little family thing to do for us, since we always watched the movies as a family and are missing Mom, and I cried (there were some moments in season 2 especially hard) and laughed and we both loved it and I can't wait for season 3.

What can you say about a show that picks up 30 years after a properties heyday and kills as a tie-in! That honours the themes, and even better the cheese and feelings of the originals. Be it kick-ass karate, 80s style and music, the over the top plotting, and the profound kinda searching for inner life peace mixed with silly karate moves or metaphors and longing for Dad guidance.

I absolutely adore Johnny, who is by no means a perfect person. He's a stunted functional alcoholic who reopens his best part of his life, he tragically peaked in high-school (Christ!), for the best intentioned reasons, not realizing until committing the same mistakes how toxic it was the first go round.

Daniel. Oh you sweet fucking it up-ward man. Every movie was Miyagi having to help you pull your hot head out of your own ass because you were desperate to earn inner acceptance through outer validation and he's not around to do it anymore and you sweet pea think you've got it figured out, that you can give it to kids or protect them from the bullying toxicity of the way that high-school and a loss of place moving to California and Cobra Kai did you in, but you just keep jumping from victim to projecting and anticipating victim-hood and responding against Miyagi's first lesson, learn karate so you don't have to use it to fight.

It's sad and beautiful that these two are twinned and stuck in their pasts. Man-children in their 50s still trying to grow up (And figure out technology in Johnny's case LOL) hurting their future generation.

The teen themes are great.

Teen Breakdown of S1 & S2

The beginning popular crowd being easy and simple bullies. Morphing in Season 2 as both Cobra Kai and Demetri, Robbie and Sam trade off with Hawk and Tory on are we the bullied or the bullies all at once. Free for all high-school fight!

Aisha and Miguel represent the honesty of strength of self and confidence in finding themselves and their voice in Cobra Kai.

Hawk and Demitri, of using a newfound self to bully or staying safe to play victim.

Robbie as the growth from getting respect and guidance from Miyagi karate and Daniel, being the truest student, to the heartbreaking reality it doesn't mean you still don't crave wanting to be declared ultimate right or winner and fuck yourself over with your past issues.

As Miguel does the twin tango with him in having innate respectability and good moral guidance, even passing it to Johnny, but slipping into loss at the karate finals, mentally giving into loss of morality being violent to show his strength and losing himself and his GF, and physically when he's hurt (please be just hurt) defending the good guidance of mercy and stopping fighting.

But yeah, I could do essays on all the teens.

Then there's Sam, Daniel 's daughter. Robbie's mirror student and Aisha should be her foil but I fear based on a rumour and the way of season 2, they went with the easier and show attractive rival GF Tory.  Samantha Larusso is a problem. She is marked good, to be going the way of Robbie to being the child of the former protagonist that leads into a creation of harmony among the two karate's and teachers/families/philosophies. Instead despite the show sympathizing and trying to identify with her as that role, she's straight up a cause of strife and exhibits neither the good traits of Miyagi karate, or a inner self confident bravado of Cobra Kai. She's almost the bizzaro evil version of a teen Ali, and that guy from the third movie. She thinks she's both victim and bad ass and she's just someone who needs a good dose of someone sitting her down to tell her she's owed or earned either status. And Aisha, the friend she wasted for faux status as a popular pretty girl, as well as her adult parents letting her currently skate responsibilities of teenage dramas and violence, and her suitors, whom she waffles unhealthy betwixt so that they all suffer, are the ones to do it. She doesn't need her ass kicked by Tory, who is a one note character, she needs her mindset toggled by realizing her self-wants aren't priority. Basically grow up, and outta the me mentality.

What's fabulous is the show honoring it's roots in teen drama and life so it's not like the drama is too over the top. How their world revolves around them and their perception of the importance of their wants. Romance. Party. Popularity. Identity.

Leading to the teenage version of power posturing. Bullying. (Which even the adults haven't mastered escape from.)

The high-school pettiness and importance of structure and status and coolness. The different norms of today versus the 80's that are still about wealth, the right looks (cultural or physical), and violence being the forever enforcer. Of course kids will break down along the lines of Cobra Kai and Miyagi karate. Brute correctness or passive acceptance?

Seeking strength and refusing to accept weakness of self builds confidence. Using that strength to physically fight in anything but defense brings a cycle of conflict and violence.

Neither the past nor the present generation ignore the other big life influence of the age. There you have the Daddy or parental abandonment angles.

Johnny's step dad failed him in absentee. Kreese used his position as teacher to abuse him. Johnny failed his kid in absentee. Johnny tries to uses his teacher position with Miguel to fix all these errors. Meanwhile Daniel is over there in the opposite corner with lost his father figure, and then Miyagi taught him respect and guidance and Daniel regained one and clung, and now Daniel is a lost or losing father figure to his own son and daughter, the family unit does not respect him or seek his guide. So he entwines his then teaching Sam and Robbie as a fix.

But does karate fix this shit?

So all these kids they drag in are confounded by the lessons because a step would be stop you yokels and talk or acknowledge what really happened in high-school and with All Valley and Ali and Kreese and Miyagi. And move on.

You won 30 years ago Daniel. Miyagi was a great old man and your teacher and like a Dad but you never had to be the best or have the girl to earn him. You got bullied by Kreese & co, were devalued because you weren't rich or popular in high-school. Some people were dicks. Or worse. Tell the world. You don't have to beat them now and forever to hold to knowing that. Be a happy car salesman and focus on your own kids.

Johnny, 30 years have passed my dude. You were okay with defeat when you gave Daniel that trophy and said he was all right. Cling to that guy, not the jerk with a shitty teacher/Dad, pining for a girl you were in conflict with. And stop reliving the mindset you were the loser in those things ending. You missed out on living with your losses and celebrating the moments between and after. Find a GF. Reconcile with your biological son. Admire and mentor your students of now. Take a lesson from your Miguel and be like the young man you clearly are learning from. You will never be a loser to this kid, you will always be the bad ass who defended him.

Also also, I hilariously crack-ship Daniel/Johnny as a love hate bromance. HEAD GAMES vid it!!

Also, Daniel's wife is a treasure with her snark on the childishness of this karate feud. She the MVP.

And I legit cried with my Dad and the Miyagi grave visit. At the Tommy scenes. At the Miguel voicemail. At the Mrs. Larusso Dad on my shoulder scene.

And you can't not laugh at dick billboard.

#cobra kai #season 1 & 2 spoilers #new show to love

[chicagocityfclanspromoblog]

Eric Lasiter → Tom Hardy → Warlock

→ Basic Information

Age: 952

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

Powers: Transmutation (Fire Elemental Transmutation)

Birthday: August 11th

Zodiac Sign: Leo

Religion: Pantheism

Mark: Lasiter

Generation: 1st

→ His Personality

Eric is known for being uncompromisingly honest. He is the ultimate devil’s advocate. He enjoys the mental sparring and the fun of bringing worlds down around him. Eric is quick witted, knowledgeable and keeps his fellow warlocks and witches on their toes. Eric has never been a particularly functional or benevolent man, though he has frequently made efforts to better himself. He is obsessed, nearly desperate, for success. He’s willing to steal and lie in order to get the knowledge he desperately craves and to get further in the supernatural world. Despite excelling in transmutation and becoming a successful mentor, Eric finds himself feeling stagnant.

Eric is insightful, strong-willed, tough and if he sets his mind to it, erudite. Unfortunately he is also a tad psychotic. Giving his outward personality, it’s unknown to many people that Eric possesses a great deal of intense rage because of the various traumatic and humiliating experiences he has endured over the course of his life. Although, that rage and anger is rarely directed towards those in his inner circle. He is also possessive of those in his inner circle, willing to violently lash out and sometimes going as far as killing those he perceived as threatening to his friends and family.

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Package Handler at Shutter Magic International Imports & Export

Scars: Multiple

Tattoos: Multiple

Two Likes: Meat Lovers Pizza and The Irish Culture

Two Dislikes: Unnatural Hair Colors and Valentine’s Day

Two Fears: Being Lost At Sea and Unknowns Of The Afterlife

Two Hobbies: Transmuting and Sean-nós Dance

Three Positive Traits: Cultured, Observant and Creative

Three Negative Traits: Kleptomaniac, Haughty and Self-Destructive

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Lauren (Mother): Eric only remembers her first name and that she was Irish. When she learned he wasn’t a normal human, she faked his death and gave him away at the age of 6, for his own protection.

Sam (Step-Father): Sam was a graying old man when Eric’s mother was given to him by their village for having a child out of wedlock. He doesn’t remember anything about Sam besides his name.

Sibling Names:

Unknown Amount of Step-Siblings (Sam’s Daughters and Sons): His step siblings varied from infants to adults by time Eric was given away. He doesn’t remember any of their names or faces.

Children Names:

Unnamed (Daughter): Stillborn. Eric was 16 years old when he lost his first daughter.

Shella Lurena Lasiter (Daughter): Shella was born prematurely and died 8 days later. Eric did not have full control of his powers then at the age of 17 and did not yet know of the Supernatural community to save her life.

Romantic Connections:

Eve Lasiter (Dead Wife): He doesn’t have many clear memories of his wife, outside of her death, though he believes he loved her.

Kaylor Cleirigh (Interest): Kaylor is one of the few female warlocks that is around his age. Eric thinks that she’s beautiful, smart, funny, powerful and way above his league. Sadly, she is married and Eric would never stand between her relationship.

Platonic Connections:

Ronan Cleirigh (Former Mentor): Ronan was Eric’s mentor for nearly six hundred years. Ronan brought him six mentees and asked him to choose one; officially signalling the end of his training nearly three hundred years ago. Eric has stuck close to his mentor and regards him as a good friend.

Ashley Malone (Mentee): Ashley is his newest and youngest mentee. He fought to have her, in order to test the abilities of a creator and animator together. Ashley loves to tutor him in his studies as the person most recently in school.

Belle Cunningham (Mentee): Eric has been watching over and mentoring Belle since she was in her early teens. Their powers are similar enough that training Belle is second nature to him. They have a close personal relationship too.

Chai Gates (Mentee): Chai parents sought him out and asked him to train their daughter. He refused at first but changed his mind once he and Chai sat down and talked about what she wanted out of her powers and life.

Audo Wilhelm (Co-Workers): They both work for Ronan Cleirigh at the warehouse. They’re friendly and hold pleasant conversations together. They’ve recently started hanging out outside of the workplace together.

Catherine Barr (Private Employer): Cat has employed Eric to transmute a secret house for her. She teleports him to an anonymous location, he works for an agreed amount of hours and then she brings him back. Eric sympathizes with her over the loss of her daughter and she pays him well, so her secret is safe with him.

Skylar Beckham (Possible Family): Skylar was found by Audo Wilhelm. She had no idea she was a witch. Eric is thrilled at the possibility that someone else out there shares his mark but he is unsure if Skylar is his daughter or niece.  

Minsky Edison (Best Friend): It’s hard for Eric to make and keep friends but Minsky has always been there for him. Minsky is one of the few people he would trust with his life and would have trust with the life of his daughters.

Brighton Genesis (Best Friend): Bee and Eric have been friends for the same amount of time that he has been friends with Ronan since his former mentor made their introductions. Bee knows his attraction to Kaylor, his wife, and is constantly offering to make a polyamorous relationship together.

Hostile Connections:

Garrett Cleirigh (Indifferent/Distant): Eric and Garrett are always bumping heads. They would probably be best friends if they weren’t so much alike.

Imani Anderson (Conflicted): Eric and Imani worked together on many occission until one day all communication stopped. Weeks later an important shipment of Erics’ went missing. He refuses to believe it was a set up but all clues point to the Andersons family.

Sarah Harris (Hostile): Sarah is a thorn in his side. He confessed once that her daughter, Zelda, eyes reminded him of one of his daughters and Sarah lost her cool. She has been purposely making his life hell since. Out of respect to Zack, Zelda, and Ellis, he has yet to retaliate. Key word being yet.

Pets:

Fern: Fern is Eric’s third fern plant this year. He was tempted to take Flower as a mentee in order to keep Fern alive but was denied the request.

Aloe: Aloe is Eric’s two year old aloe plant. She still is alive and well, thank you.

→ History

Eric’s village and stepfather told him multiple times that he was the product of rape but his mother always ensured him that she loved his real father and that everything between them was consensual. His mother, Shella, was young and unmarried when their village found out she was carrying him. Soiled. That’s what they called her. His mother was sold off during her first trimester to the first person that their village could hand her off to for two pigs and a rooster. Sam was an old geezer that prayed on younger women and took the opportunity to take Eric’s mother in. She was forced to not only care for herself and Eric but also Sam and his kids. When Eric was born, Shella automatically suspected something was wrong with her boy. It wasn’t until Eric was 6 and having a crying fit that she realized her suspicions were correct. Eric transmuted a whole area of wooden toys into red apples; his favorite snack. In fear for his life she faked his death and gave him to a English couple passing through town.

As he grew, Eric forgot about his past life in Ireland, ran away from the old couple watching over him and lived his life on the streets of England and Scotland. That’s where he started to notice he wasn’t like the other boys on the block. He was stronger, faster, and luckier, always finding exactly what he needed right around the corner. Eric found himself taken in by the local butcher as an apprentice at the age of 15 and began his first career there. He met a nice girl and got married. They’d lived happily, and Eric was ecstatic at the news of his wife’s pregnancy, which made it all the more distressing when their baby was a still born. The next year his wife fell pregnant again, and he lost both her and his other daughter in the premature birth. Anger and heartbreak filled Eric and a darkness began bubbling inside of him.

The jadedness grew over the years, and he began to notice small things about himself. He’d barely aged and looked years younger than his childhood friends, being near the local church seemed to take all the energy and power from him, and everyone he loved died. Eric was sure he’d been possessed by evil, and found a Devil’s mark along his back. After months of contemplating what to do next, Eric had decided to go to the Church to have the evil expelled from him. As he explained his symptoms to two Bishops, he began to realize he sounded mad, however the younger Bishop asked him to show the mark. The two men spoke quietly in a language he didn’t understand, before explaining what he was. It was a mark of evil, but it had always been in him, poisoning and darkening his world.

He’d been sent away by the Bishops to another magic user, this time a warlock rather than witches. William Weyden showed him how to access his powers and how to create from the evil within him. He practiced religiously honing his power until he mastered every level from beginning to advanced. Eric blocked out all other things from his life and poured himself into his work, it was this that caught the eye of Ronan Cleirigh. He offered to mentor Eric in his final years of training, to push him to become more than he was before. Eric accepted and was well on his way to excellence. It was with the Cleirigh family that Eric discovered he wasn’t evil, nor were his powers. They all had different sources of magic, and it was no indication of who they were. He and Ronan formed a strong bond, and after his training had ended, the older warlock offered his name to Eric. A symbolic way of cementing him into the family. He declined, desiring instead to make his own mark known. → The Present

Eric is completely satisfied with where he is at in life right now. In his free time he is helping Cat with her secret house, teaching Ashley to use her powers to make charms, assisting Chai and Belle with potions and craftsmanship. Eric usually fills up his days but also finds time for his friends. Finding time is getting hard since Eric has enrolled into the local University. Eric has never attended school in his near one thousand years on Earth. He was self taught until he found his mentor, Ronan, and continued to learn from him. Wanting to challenge himself and genuinely accomplish something people his age usually do not, Eric is in pursuit of his Interdisciplinary Studies with 3 different concentrations and a minor.

Eric is unsure who Skylar is to him. He has pulled all of his resources to find out if she is his own daughter or niece without alerting her that he might be her father and not her uncle. Eric is over the moon with the possibility that there might be another first generation Lasiter out there but is sick that they would give up their own child. He has contacted all of the women he’s been with that are still alive and they’ve all denied giving birth to a baby girl. The possibility that she is indeed his niece are getting higher and higher. He has enrolled the help of a few Mark Finders to help expedite the process. Recently, he has offered Skylar to stay with him and recommended her to Jace Cicero to help her with her developing mental powers.

→ Available Gif Hunts (we do not own these)

Tom Hardy [1][2][3]

#Tom Hardy #Warlock rp #Witch rp #Magic RPG #Supernatural RP

[chicagocityofclans]

Eric Lasiter → Tom Hardy → Warlock

→ Basic Information 

Age: 952

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight 

Powers: Transmutation (Fire Elemental Transmutation)

Birthday: August 11th 

Zodiac Sign: Leo

Religion: Pantheism

Mark: Lasiter 

Generation: 1st

→ His Personality

Eric is known for being uncompromisingly honest. He is the ultimate devil’s advocate. He enjoys the mental sparring and the fun of bringing worlds down around him. Eric is quick witted, knowledgeable and keeps his fellow warlocks and witches on their toes. Eric has never been a particularly functional or benevolent man, though he has frequently made efforts to better himself. He is obsessed, nearly desperate, for success. He’s willing to steal and lie in order to get the knowledge he desperately craves and to get further in the supernatural world. Despite excelling in transmutation and becoming a successful mentor, Eric finds himself feeling stagnant.

Eric is insightful, strong-willed, tough and if he sets his mind to it, erudite. Unfortunately he is also a tad psychotic. Giving his outward personality, it's unknown to many people that Eric possesses a great deal of intense rage because of the various traumatic and humiliating experiences he has endured over the course of his life. Although, that rage and anger is rarely directed towards those in his inner circle. He is also possessive of those in his inner circle, willing to violently lash out and sometimes going as far as killing those he perceived as threatening to his friends and family.

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Package Handler at Shutter Magic International Imports & Export 

Scars: Multiple 

Tattoos: Multiple

Two Likes: Meat Lovers Pizza and The Irish Culture 

Two Dislikes: Unnatural Hair Colors and Valentine’s Day

Two Fears: Being Lost At Sea and Unknowns Of The Afterlife

Two Hobbies: Transmuting and Sean-nós Dance

Three Positive Traits: Cultured, Observant and Creative

Three Negative Traits: Kleptomaniac, Haughty and Self-Destructive 

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Lauren (Mother): Eric only remembers her first name and that she was Irish. When she learned he wasn’t a normal human, she faked his death and gave him away at the age of 6, for his own protection.

Sam (Step-Father): Sam was a graying old man when Eric’s mother was given to him by their village for having a child out of wedlock. He doesn’t remember anything about Sam besides his name. 

Sibling Names:

Unknown Amount of Step-Siblings (Sam’s Daughters and Sons): His step siblings varied from infants to adults by time Eric was given away. He doesn’t remember any of their names or faces. 

Children Names:

Unnamed (Daughter): Stillborn. Eric was 16 years old when he lost his first daughter.

Shella Lurena Lasiter (Daughter): Shella was born prematurely and died 8 days later. Eric did not have full control of his powers then at the age of 17 and did not yet know of the Supernatural community to save her life.

Romantic Connections:

Eve Lasiter (Dead Wife): He doesn’t have many clear memories of his wife, outside of her death, though he believes he loved her.

Kaylor Cleirigh (Interest): Kaylor is one of the few female warlocks that is around his age. Eric thinks that she’s beautiful, smart, funny, powerful and way above his league. Sadly, she is married and Eric would never stand between her relationship.

Platonic Connections:

Ronan Cleirigh (Former Mentor): Ronan was Eric’s mentor for nearly six hundred years. Ronan brought him six mentees and asked him to choose one; officially signalling the end of his training nearly three hundred years ago. Eric has stuck close to his mentor and regards him as a good friend.

Ashley Malone (Mentee): Ashley is his newest and youngest mentee. He fought to have her, in order to test the abilities of a creator and animator together. Ashley loves to tutor him in his studies as the person most recently in school. 

Belle Cunningham (Mentee): Eric has been watching over and mentoring Belle since she was in her early teens. Their powers are similar enough that training Belle is second nature to him. They have a close personal relationship too.

Chai Gates (Mentee): Chai parents sought him out and asked him to train their daughter. He refused at first but changed his mind once he and Chai sat down and talked about what she wanted out of her powers and life. 

Audo Wilhelm (Co-Workers): They both work for Ronan Cleirigh at the warehouse. They’re friendly and hold pleasant conversations together. They’ve recently started hanging out outside of the workplace together.

Catherine Barr (Private Employer): Cat has employed Eric to transmute a secret house for her. She teleports him to an anonymous location, he works for an agreed amount of hours and then she brings him back. Eric sympathizes with her over the loss of her daughter and she pays him well, so her secret is safe with him.

Skylar Beckham (Possible Family): Skylar was found by Audo Wilhelm. She had no idea she was a witch. Eric is thrilled at the possibility that someone else out there shares his mark but he is unsure if Skylar is his daughter or niece.  

Minsky Edison (Best Friend): It’s hard for Eric to make and keep friends but Minsky has always been there for him. Minsky is one of the few people he would trust with his life and would have trust with the life of his daughters. 

Brighton Genesis (Best Friend): Bee and Eric have been friends for the same amount of time that he has been friends with Ronan since his former mentor made their introductions. Bee knows his attraction to Kaylor, his wife, and is constantly offering to make a polyamorous relationship together. 

Hostile Connections:

Garrett Cleirigh (Indifferent/Distant): Eric and Garrett are always bumping heads. They would probably be best friends if they weren’t so much alike. 

Imani Anderson (Conflicted): Eric and Imani worked together on many occission until one day all communication stopped. Weeks later an important shipment of Erics’ went missing. He refuses to believe it was a set up but all clues point to the Andersons family.

Sarah Harris (Hostile): Sarah is a thorn in his side. He confessed once that her daughter, Zelda, eyes reminded him of one of his daughters and Sarah lost her cool. She has been purposely making his life hell since. Out of respect to Zack, Zelda, and Ellis, he has yet to retaliate. Key word being yet.

Pets:

Fern: Fern is Eric’s third fern plant this year. He was tempted to take Flower as a mentee in order to keep Fern alive but was denied the request.

Aloe: Aloe is Eric’s two year old aloe plant. She still is alive and well, thank you.

→ History

Eric’s village and stepfather told him multiple times that he was the product of rape but his mother always ensured him that she loved his real father and that everything between them was consensual. His mother, Shella, was young and unmarried when their village found out she was carrying him. Soiled. That’s what they called her. His mother was sold off during her first trimester to the first person that their village could hand her off to for two pigs and a rooster. Sam was an old geezer that prayed on younger women and took the opportunity to take Eric’s mother in. She was forced to not only care for herself and Eric but also Sam and his kids. When Eric was born, Shella automatically suspected something was wrong with her boy. It wasn’t until Eric was 6 and having a crying fit that she realized her suspicions were correct. Eric transmuted a whole area of wooden toys into red apples; his favorite snack. In fear for his life she faked his death and gave him to a English couple passing through town.

As he grew, Eric forgot about his past life in Ireland, ran away from the old couple watching over him and lived his life on the streets of England and Scotland. That’s where he started to notice he wasn’t like the other boys on the block. He was stronger, faster, and luckier, always finding exactly what he needed right around the corner. Eric found himself taken in by the local butcher as an apprentice at the age of 15 and began his first career there. He met a nice girl and got married. They’d lived happily, and Eric was ecstatic at the news of his wife’s pregnancy, which made it all the more distressing when their baby was a still born. The next year his wife fell pregnant again, and he lost both her and his other daughter in the premature birth. Anger and heartbreak filled Eric and a darkness began bubbling inside of him.

The jadedness grew over the years, and he began to notice small things about himself. He’d barely aged and looked years younger than his childhood friends, being near the local church seemed to take all the energy and power from him, and everyone he loved died. Eric was sure he’d been possessed by evil, and found a Devil’s mark along his back. After months of contemplating what to do next, Eric had decided to go to the Church to have the evil expelled from him. As he explained his symptoms to two Bishops, he began to realize he sounded mad, however the younger Bishop asked him to show the mark. The two men spoke quietly in a language he didn’t understand, before explaining what he was. It was a mark of evil, but it had always been in him, poisoning and darkening his world. 

He’d been sent away by the Bishops to another magic user, this time a warlock rather than witches. William Weyden showed him how to access his powers and how to create from the evil within him. He practiced religiously honing his power until he mastered every level from beginning to advanced. Eric blocked out all other things from his life and poured himself into his work, it was this that caught the eye of Ronan Cleirigh. He offered to mentor Eric in his final years of training, to push him to become more than he was before. Eric accepted and was well on his way to excellence. It was with the Cleirigh family that Eric discovered he wasn’t evil, nor were his powers. They all had different sources of magic, and it was no indication of who they were. He and Ronan formed a strong bond, and after his training had ended, the older warlock offered his name to Eric. A symbolic way of cementing him into the family. He declined, desiring instead to make his own mark known. → The Present

Eric is completely satisfied with where he is at in life right now. In his free time he is helping Cat with her secret house, teaching Ashley to use her powers to make charms, assisting Chai and Belle with potions and craftsmanship. Eric usually fills up his days but also finds time for his friends. Finding time is getting hard since Eric has enrolled into the local University. Eric has never attended school in his near one thousand years on Earth. He was self taught until he found his mentor, Ronan, and continued to learn from him. Wanting to challenge himself and genuinely accomplish something people his age usually do not, Eric is in pursuit of his Interdisciplinary Studies with 3 different concentrations and a minor. 

Eric is unsure who Skylar is to him. He has pulled all of his resources to find out if she is his own daughter or niece without alerting her that he might be her father and not her uncle. Eric is over the moon with the possibility that there might be another first generation Lasiter out there but is sick that they would give up their own child. He has contacted all of the women he’s been with that are still alive and they’ve all denied giving birth to a baby girl. The possibility that she is indeed his niece are getting higher and higher. He has enrolled the help of a few Mark Finders to help expedite the process. Recently, he has offered Skylar to stay with him and recommended her to Jace Cicero to help her with her developing mental powers.

→ Available Gif Hunts (we do not own these)

Tom Hardy [1][2][3]

#Tom Hardy #Eric Lasiter #Open #OM #OMWR #OWR

[lolita-tips]

Where have I been?

I originally wrote this up as a script intended for a youtube video explaining where I’ve been and why I haven’t been keeping up with things very well but I haven’t been able to bring myself to get in front of a camera. I thought I would at least make it into a post to sort of give you all an idea of what’s going on. I’ll put it all under a read-more though since it turned out pretty long.

Hi, I’m Averie. I’m 26 years old and I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my life lately. I’ve been running Lolita Tips for eight years now but in the last year or so I’ve been a bit removed from it, definitely more than I’d like to be and I sort of feel guilty about it. I keep trying to tell myself that I shouldn’t feel bad, but it’s important to me and there are a lot of people I feel like I’m letting down by not posting more regularly. I guess I just want to talk a bit about where I’ve been and what I’ve been going through. 

Last year I officially moved out of my parents’ place and into my boyfriend’s house. Really it was his parents’ house and for the first few months we actually lived here with them which was a bit of a nightmare for a while, but as of April we’ve officially taken on the mortgage and they moved to Florida. When I moved in I started my first ever full-time job and it has really tested me. It’s nowhere near what I’d like to be doing with my life but as they say, it puts food on the table. I’m a claims adjuster for an auto insurance company which means my job consists of sitting in a cubical making phone calls all day and paying people to fix their cars after accidents. This job has really been putting me under a lot of stress. First of all, I’ve always had pretty bad anxiety when it comes to making phone calls, and after over a year at this job, that still hasn’t changed. Having to spend most of my day doing something that makes me so anxious leaves me really drained by the end of it. Add to it the facts that a lot of the people I have to talk to are in a bad mood, often times I’m calling to give them bad news (“You’re at fault for this accident”, “Your car is a total loss,” etc.), and I’m handling over 100 claims at any given time. So most of the time all I want to do when I get home is lay on the couch and do nothing. I wish I was in a position right now to quit this job but I’ve searched up and down for something else and there’s just nothing close to me that would make any sort of financial sense.

When I do have days where I feel like I can actually get something done, a lot of my time is spent working on the house. As I said before, we bought this house from my boyfriend’s parents and it was pretty dated. I’m someone who likes old things, I collect antiques and often dress in vintage styles, but dingy carpet from the 80s and floral wallpaper that’s probably even older aren’t exactly our taste. So we’ve been taking on a lot of home improvement projects and a lot of the time we sort of feel like we’ve bitten off more than we can chew, particularly when it comes to our budget and stamina. As artsy as I may be, I’ve learned that I hate painting walls so even though we started in December, our living room is only about a third of the way painted. I’m also learning that one of the biggest struggles of being a homeowner is just keeping up with the mess, especially with a dog and two cats, all of whom shed like crazy. And it would be easier if we could do all of this together, but my boyfriend and I have such different work schedules that it’s rare for us to have a same day off to work together. It also just seems like this house has one problem after another. A few months ago we had a leak and had to replace the roof. Now our basement is flooding and we have to tear out the walls of what is supposed to become our craft room. It’s hard to make the house beautiful when you keep having to spend all your resources making it functional.

Everything that has been going on in my life has left me feeling very overwhelmed. It may not seem like a lot from the outside, but when your head is constantly full of “Paint this, sweep this, scrub this, shit I forgot to send that check, how many boxes do I still have to unpack? Is this ours or his parents? Did I schedule an appraiser to look at that car? Holy shit the garden is overgrown where did all these weeds come from I swear we just pulled them out a week ago!” It’s daunting. And it has really had a negative impact on my mental health. I thought my life was going to be grand when I moved out of my parents’ house! I was going to be close to a big city, living with the person I love, and finally feeling like a real adult. But this really is more than I bargained for. It feels like all I really did was trade in the stress and anxiety of a long-distance relationship for the stress of a terrible job and a house that still doesn’t feel like my own. People keep telling me things like “That’s life!” and “Welcome to adulthood!” but I know adulthood isn’t all suffering! I know plenty of adults who have jobs they love and free time to  do stuff that makes them happy, but I feel like I’m stuck in an endless cycle of five-day work weeks, evenings where I’m too depressed and tired to leave the couch, and weekends where I try to cram in as many chores as possible. And thinking about it makes me more depressed! I studied theatre in college, I wanted to be a playwright, I STILL want to be a playwright. I also want to own an antique store, make and sell clothes, travel the country working renaissance faires, any number of things would make me happy; but it feels like any time I have some time to work toward one of my dreams there’s always something more important. 

A few months ago I went to a convention in Pittsburgh. It was the first time I’ve worn Lolita in a long time and it was exciting because there were going to be some big Lolita guests. I told myself I was going to face my fears. I was going to introduce myself to members of my new local Lolita community for the first time since moving here, but I came to the con by myself and the longer it went on, the more alone I felt. I thought it would be great going to all the panels I wanted to see and not basing my schedule on anyone else, but seeing everyone with their friends having a good time brought all these ugly thoughts into my head. I thought, “I’ll never be able to have close Lolita friends like that”, “I’ll never be able to make a living doing the things I love like these designers and Youtubers”, “What kind of Lolita blogger am I if I can’t even go up to other lolitas and introduce myself?” At one point after a panel I went to the bathroom and I heard a group of lolitas whos voices and names I recognized come in. All at once my brain was flooded with “Not good enough”s. I’m not pretty enough, my coord isn’t cute enough, I can’t possibly go out there and interact with these queens. So I locked myself in the stall and waited until everyone left while I cried quietly.

A few hours later there was another lolita panel that was a lot of fun and I had a good laugh and actually sort of felt like I was part of something for a moment. But after that was the J-fashion social. I spent all day trying to convince myself to be brave and not let my anxiety get the better of me, but that was a battle that I quickly lost. I went out onto one of the balconies of the convention center, pacing back and forth while I tried to gather my courage, but the “not good enough”s just came flooding back and I cried harder than I had cried in a long time. The meetup came and went in a panel room behind me as I stared into the night sky of the city that didn’t know I existed. No friends to comfort me, boyfriend at another convention working a booth, and family hours away. I felt completely and utterly alone. But that night I told myself that I was going to make a change. Something, anything, to make my life better.

I know that I can’t cure my depression, or my anxiety. I know that there’s something wrong with my brain and that I’m always going to have bad days and good days, but I also know that I at least owe it to myself to try and turn things around. I may be depressed, but I’d rather be depressed and do things that I love than allow things to continue on the way they have been. After all, I’m the most important person in my life. Nobody will ever be more fundamental to my own happiness than myself.  

I can’t exactly say that I have a plan, but I can say that I’ve been trying. I’ve actually spent a lot of time lately rediscovering things that once brought me joy that I fell out of for one reason or another. For example, I’ve recently started listening to My Chemical Romance again. I remember listening to them as a moody teen who just wanted to seem dark and edgy but going back and listening to the same songs as an adult hits me in a different way. They’re so full of emotion and passion and words that my mind likes to cling to like “I am not afraid to keep on living.” I also recently started watching the Vlog Brothers again. Their channel and pretty much everything they were part of were huge influences on me in high school and early in college so I was really happy to see that they’re still doing stuff. They always help me to remember that even though the world may be a big dumpster fire right now, there are still good people doing good things and there are still a lot of things worth living for. I’ve been working a lot on bettering my life in a lot of ways; I’ve been trying to embrace the Konmari method while working on our house and I’ve been watching a lot of youtube channels about being better with money and spending a lot of time watching ASMR to just try and relax. 

I still have a long way to go, and I know I’m still going to struggle, but I’m thankful to those of you who have stuck with me and will continue to be with me on this journey. Whenever I get on tumblr and see that I still get messages in my inbox it helps me to remember that I am not entirely alone. I know this was sort of a lot, I’m not someone who normally pours my heart out like this, to be honest talking about my mental health makes me worry that I’ll come off as whiney and it makes me pretty nervous, but I felt that I owed it to all of you to explain what’s been going on and I felt that I owed it to myself to get it all out there. Thanks to all of you who have stuck with me through it all. I hope to start making changes in my life get back to making this blog something worth sticking around for.

#personal

[wackjams]

the perfect moment.

jungkook x (f)reader : nonidol!au : college!au : ex!hoseok : ft. ot7 & soyeon and soojin from (g)i-dle

warnings: just some cursing. perverted tae and hobi. HELLA FLUFF. word count: 7.4k

i hope you guys enjoy! i’ve had a hella soft spot for jungkook lately man oh maaaan. masterlist to all my work linked in ab!

"It's truly too early for this." Yoongi yawned out into his palm as he sat down at the table here in the library.

"It isn't too early. You just stayed up all night and now you're too tired to function." Namjoon told him with a smirk on his lips as he joined him, taking a seat to his right.

"Joon is right," Jin added as he too joined the two men in the library.

Yoongi rolled his eyes at both of them before letting his eyes wander around the room, trying to spot the rest of their friends. It wasn't early, actually, it was already noon but it was a Saturday which explains why the library is practically empty.

"Please tell me one of you have a good enough reason as to why I'm awake before 3 PM on the ONE Saturday that I don't have any work to do? I wanted to sleep the day away!" Taehyung cried as he flopped down into one of the chairs.

Yoongi glared at the whining boy as Jin and Namjoon laughed, which made Taehyung glare as well at them from where he sat.

"We have that big trip coming up and we need to finish planning it or else it'll go to shit like last year," Namjoon answered him.

Jin snorted at the thought of how badly last years trip was. "Yeah. I still blame Jimin for that one though."

"You blame Jimin for what exactly?"

Right on cue, Jimin walked from behind Jin and sat at the big table himself. He walked up just on time to hear himself being talked about.

Jin wasn't fazed by Jimin at all. Rather he smiled and gave him a teasing poke to the arm. "I blame you for fucking up last years trip to the amusement park. You threw up barely two hours after getting there which sent a chain reaction through Hoseok and Jungkook, then we were all left feeling queasy and uneasy. We left because you can't hold your liquor."

Jimin was offended now. His eyes widened and his jaw fell open. "Well, whose idea was it to get drunk before five that day and ride crazy loopy rollercoasters?! Blame yourself, Jin!"

"Pft. Weak."

The five men who sat together all started to laugh at the argument and the memory of last year. About ten minutes later Jungkook and Hoseok had joined the group and they were all seven sat together talking and planning.

Every year, ever since they were kids and before they even came to college, they took a trip somewhere together. A best friends vacation, if you must. It was tradition and was never missed out on. Despite growing up and becoming completely different people with different goals or life plans, they stuck together and remained the best of friends all these years.

It was really sweet.

"So no amusement parks this year?" Jungkook asked in a sad tone.

"Definitely not," Jimin replied as he shook his head quickly at him.

Sighing, Jungkook leaned back in his seat and tossed a pencil at Jimin. "Boring."

"What if we just rent a house?"

All eyes ended up on Yoongi at his suggestion. When they all looked at him with confused expressions, he sighed and decided to elaborate. "I mean, we can rent a beach house for a week or two. We always take our trips at the beginning of summer anyway so it'll be hot enough. Plus, the beach is cool and-"

"We'll see plenty of hot girls in their bikinis!" Hoseok cheered out loud. Taehyung reached out and gave him a high five as he laughed and nodded his head quickly in agreement.

Jin laughed too but Namjoon rolled his eyes. Jungkook laughed under his breath after Namjoon muttered "pigs" about them.

"I'm serious. It'll be fun, despite Hoseok's and Taehyung's obvious ideas of getting laid this summer." Yoongi finished with a little nod to himself.

A very brief moment of silence passed before everyone nodded and agreed with Yoongi's idea. It was a good idea, honestly, and they all really did find it to be exciting yet so simple. It was nice!

"Well, now that that’s settled, I'm gonna go get some food. Anyone wanna come?" Jungkook asked now as he stood up from where he sat. Everyone was getting up to go now, actually.

"I'm down for some food." Taehyung nodded.

"Are you gonna pay?" Jin asked. Jungkook only glared at the older man. Taking the hint, he waved him off with his hand and a soft laugh. "Kidding. I have some things to do anyway,"

"Yeah same here," Namjoon told him. "Sorry, Kook."

Jungkook smiled with a little nod. He understood. "Yoongi? Jimin? Hoseok?"

"Gotta finish my last paper." Yoongi shrugged.

"I'm in!" Hoseok walked around to join Taehyung and Jungkook.

The three of them looked to Jimin who was still getting up and ready to go. Feeling all eyes on him, he slowly looked up to them with a curious brow arched.

Silenced filled them as they all stared at Jimin and he stared at them. It was awkward, pressuring, and weird. But funny.

Jimin started laughing as he shoved his hands into his pockets and walked around himself. "Let's just go. I'm starving."

* * * * *

"Pancakes are so good. I wonder who actually came up with the idea of pancakes. Ugh, genius."

"Could you not speak with your mouth full?" Jimin asked Taehyung before shoving his own fork full of syrup covered breakfast into his mouth.

Taehyung shrugged his shoulders carelessly as he ate quietly now before being scolded by Jimin again. Hoseok chuckled at the two of them as he ate his own food. Jungkook, who was listening to them with a smile over his own lips, watched them in amusement.

"You two argue like a married couple." Jungkook teased.

Jimin, rolling his eyes, sipped on his drink before waving a finger to Jungkook as he replied. "We are a married couple. Tae-Tae and I are madly in love, didn't you know?"

"He wishes I was in love with him." Taehyung gagged out with a look of disgust on his face.

"You guys are so annoying." Hoseok laughed as he continued to eat his own pancakes happily.

Jungkook dropped his fork onto his plate before standing up and pushing his chair in before starting to walk away wordlessly but with a smile at his friends. He went to the bathroom, handled his business, and washed his hands before coming back out after a few minutes.

As Jungkook walked out from the bathroom, he was too busy looking down at the ground and nearly ran right into another person.

"Excuse me- oh hey!" Jungkook's eyes widened when he nearly ran into you but smiled upon realizing it is, well, you. "I'm sorry ____. I wasn't paying attention."

You smiled a friendly smile to Jungkook as you shuffled back a bit. You two were quite close from nearly colliding seconds ago. "It's okay! I wasn't either."

You and Jungkook shared a class together. Sitting beside one another for a year now allowed the two of you to become friends, to say the least. Except Jungkook had the biggest crush on you and you had absolutely no idea.

Jungkook found you to be alluring. Everything you did amazed him; he was like an early teen crushing on the girl next door. He couldn't help the smile he always had when around you. You made him laugh, made him happy, made him work hard (mainly in an attempt to impress you). He thought you were beautiful in every way. Even on those days that you showed up to class in your pajamas and tangled hair because you woke up late and had to go straight to class. You were always so happy, outgoing, and you were incredibly smart.

Yeah, he definitely liked you. A lot.

"Um," you giggled softly as you glanced to the table where your own little group of friends was sitting and waiting for you. "Are you here with anyone?"

Jungkook glanced back himself to his own booth and smiled softly. Taehyung was tossing a grape into Jimin's mouth, which he caught. Hoseok clapped his hands and cheered for his "good catch!" that he shouted about.

"Actually yeah, I'm with them. The loudest table in here."

You looked back in the same direction he did but only for a short moment, wanting to keep your attention on him.

What Jungkook didn't know was that you too were crushing on him. Just as hard as he was crushing on you, honestly. Your friends never heard the end of it!

"Are we still in high school? Worried about boys and talking about how cute Jungkook's brown eyes are when he laughs?" your best friend, Soyeon, teased you once a few weeks back.

Jungkook smiled down at you as you fiddled with your fingers in front of you. Your name was being called for then. You held a finger up to your friends while keeping your eyes up on the boy in front of you.

"Do you maybe want to get together later? I have to study for our exam coming up but I seriously can't ever focus by myself so I was wondering if, you know, you wanted to do it with me. Study. For the exam. Later? If you're free?"

You were mentally slapping yourself in the face as you stumbled over your words nervously. Jungkook arched a brow at you as he looked down with an amused grin in his expression. He nodded very lightly as he let out a soft chuckle.

Jungkook found your nervous rambling absolutely adorable. "Of course. Yeah, absolutely. Text me later; we'll meet up."

"Okay great. See you!"

"Bye, ____."

You brushed a hand down Jungkook's arm as you passed by him to go to the restroom yourself. He smiled at you one last time before going back to the table where Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung waited for him. He jumped back into the conversation with them naturally without mentioning you.

That was the thing. Jungkook didn't mention you to any of his friends because he knew that we would never hear the end of him liking someone. They always went on about how he needed a girlfriend because they were tired of him being so lonely, especially because he wasn't the one night stand kind of guy like Hoseok and Taehyung were. Jungkook, Namjoon, and Jimin were more into having proper happy relationships and Jin just kind of went with whatever he wanted to go with at the moment. So, knowing them, they would try to pressure him into asking you out or something and he just didn't want to make you uncomfortable or anything. Considering he had no idea about your similar feelings, it was logical.

After you finished in the bathroom, you headed back towards your table but slowed down when you spotted Jungkook's table again. You admired the boy sitting there with the cutest bunny smile on his lips as he laughed with his friends. He was sweet, different, and you couldn't help but watch as he laughed so freely and happily.

Then, you heard it. A familiar laugh you never wanted to hear again. Your eyes drifted over to the opposite end of their table to Hoseok. He was the one making Jungkook laugh by doing something weird with his fork and spoon. Your heart jumped in your throat at the sight of him.

Quickly then, you rushed over to your table with your back towards Jungkook's table to hide your face.

"We need to go," you told your friends Soyeon and Soojin.

They both looked up to you with confused expressions. "What's wrong?" Soojin asked.

"Hoseok is here."

Both of them paused before glancing behind you to the table themselves. Soyeon scoffed at the sight of him and Soojin shook her head, an annoyed expression over her face now.

"Please can we go?" you asked them when neither of them said anything about this.

"Of course. Come on," Soyeon gave you a warm smile before standing up.

Soojin followed her and stood up herself. You dropped enough money on the table for the bill with enough extra for a nice tip before the three of you rushed out of the restaurant together before Hoseok could notice you here.

Hours later you were left sitting in your dorm room in the worst mood. Today started off well, got better when you saw Jungkook, then got worse when you saw Hoseok. He always manages to put you in a bad mood. What an ass, you thought to yourself.

With a tired sigh, you dropped your pen down onto your desk then rubbed your hands over your face in an attempt to feel less tired and aggravated. A knock at your door took you from your thoughts though. Had Soyeon lost her key again?

You stood up from your chair and walked over. Without thinking you just unlocked the door and opened it to let her in.

But it wasn't her.

"Hey," Jungkook greeted you with a smile over his lips. When you only stared with your mouth gaped open and a little lost, he cleared his throat before continuing on. "I'm sorry for just dropping by but you hadn't texted me back and I thought maybe you just got sucked into studying or something. I see you were sleeping though, so I apologize."

"Sleeping? No, I wasn't sleeping!" you shook your head quickly at him. Your appearance did look like you were sleeping. You stood there in an oversized tee with a pair of shorts that were hidden underneath it and your hair was in the worlds messiest bun. "I was studying actually. That's why I didn't reply, I'm sorry."

"Oh, that's okay."

"Please come in."

You stepped aside to let Jungkook in. He walked into your room and you closed the door behind him. This wasn't the first time he'd been in here. The pair of you worked on a project together earlier this year, which is how he got your number in the first place too. You talked here and there sometimes since outside of class as well. He took a seat on your bed and sighed tiredly.

Seeing him here made you feel bad for ignoring his texts today. When you saw him with Hoseok earlier, you just couldn't bring yourself to reply to him. Why would he hang out with Hoseok anyway? They were polar opposites.

"You looked worried about something," Jungkook stated as he watched you walk back over to your chair. You sat down and turned it so you were facing him now. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's nothing," you shook your head at him then gave a reassuring smile. "Just...  saw an ex today. It ended really badly so yanno, it's messing with my head a bit."

Jungkook nodded, understanding where you're coming from, and gave you a warm smile. "Well, his loss. You're pretty great. Don't let the douche bring you down."

A giggle bubbled from the back of your throat. He called his own friend a douche and really had no idea. You shook your head at it and waved a hand as if brushing it off.

"It's no big deal. Honestly. Old news!"

"Right," he chuckled. "Well, this is how far I got studying. What about you?"

For the next hour and a half, you and Jungkook helped each other finish studying for your upcoming exam. You shared some tips, quizzed each other, helped one another memorize things, etc. It didn't take nearly as long as you thought it would before you both were confident enough for the exam. It went by pretty quickly actually and it made you a little sad knowing he was leaving so soon.

You watched quietly as he packed his things into his bag to go.

"Hey, Jungkook?" you broke that silence. He glanced up to you with a soft hum. "How do you know Hoseok?"

"Hobi?" he asked. You nodded very lightly but he caught a glimpse of it as he looked up to you now. "We grew up together! Him and all of my friends, actually. We followed each other here and everything. Wow. I never said that out loud. How cringy."

You laughed softly. "It's not cringy. It's sweet."

"Thanks," he chuckled. "Why do you ask though?"

"Oh," you paused now. He looked at you curiously as he waited for a response. Of course, you hesitated. What if he stops talking to you because of your past with his best friend?

Before you could answer him, the dorm rooms door opened and Soyeon walked inside. She paused upon noticing Jungkook sitting on your bed before coming in properly and closing the door behind her. "Hey," she mumbled.

"Hey," you smiled at her. "How as the movie?"

"It was good!" she answered with a smile at you as she flopped down onto her bed. She looked over to Jungkook who barely glanced her way. His eyes were focused on you in front of him. She noticed how he looked at you and smiled again, but without saying why. "How's your night been together?"

"Finally got this topic down packed," you said with Jungkook nodding in agreement.

"Finally," he added. "I should probably go now though. I'm sure you ladies will be heading to bed soon and I don't wanna keep you up too late."

"Mm, what a gentleman," Soyeon teased with a grin on her lips. "Much more polite than Hoseok ever was."

Jungkook stopped where he stood from standing up. He looked at Soyeon with wide eyes before looking down to you in your chair with a shocked, and equally confused, look on his face. Soyeon noticed his expression and how mad you looked at her and cringed where she sat.

"Shit I'm sorry. I thought you asked him about it! I'm sorry!"

"I was getting there," you grumbled to her.

"You date Hoseok?"

You stook up from your chair to be more level with Jungkook. Shaking your head at him, you went on to explain the situaton to him. "Hoseok and I dated a few months ago. It lasted for like... two months? Or something. I don't know. We talked for quite some time though and it took him forever to want to be with me but even after he asked me out, he hid me. I didn't even know that you knew him! He cheated on me and that's why we broke up but before that happened we were already toxic. The hiding, the fighting because he couldn't commit like I wanted him to. It was a mess but I promise I didn't know he was your friend."

Jungkook listened to you carefully. He was taken back by the fact that Hoseok actually had a girlfriend and hid her from them. He felt many different things. Including anger hearing that he cheated on you. He also felt jealous because his best friend dated the girl he really liked. He was embarrassed because he knew he wasn't hiding his feelings very well.

When he didn't say anything, you frowned. "I saw you guys together this morning that's why I brought him up. I didn't think you would be friends with someone like him."

"Someone like him?" Jungkook asked, confused. "____, he might be bad with feelings, with commitment and love, but he's an amazing friend. I couldn't imagine not being friends with him."

"Right... I'm sorry."

He frowned and how small you made yourself. "I'm sorry he did you wrong, I really am. I still mean what I said earlier by it being his loss. And being a douche." you smiled small at him. "Look, it's okay! It isn't your fault he hid you away. I'll see you on Monday okay?"

"Okay,"

"Goodnight, ____."

You waved him off with a soft smile. After walking him to the door and closing it behind him, you turned to face Soyeon and held your hands up with wide eyes.

"Thanks, Soyeon!"

She flinched where she sat and held her hands up in defense. "I'm sorry! I didn't know you hadn't gotten to the point yet. It's your fault for not hurrying up!"

Sometimes, you really wondered why you dealt with this girl.

When Monday pulled around, Jungkook talked to you like he normally would before knowing about you and Hoseok. He didn't even bring it up to you or hint about it at all. Which, you were thankful for. You really didn't want to talk about it. Especially not with the boy you were interested in.

"Thank gosh this is the last week of school before summer. I'm exhausted," you whined to Jungkook as the two of you walked across the courtyard together.

Your class had ended about ten minutes ago now. Jungkook laughed beside you but nodded in agreement because he felt the same way. "What's your plans for the summer?"

"Going on some vacation with my family," you smiled up at him. "My parents, Soyeon, and Soojin. Then I'll be back home until it's time to come back here. What about you?" you asked him.

Jungkook shrugged his shoulders as he thought about it. "I'm not too sure. I do know that I'm going on a trip with my friends for a couple of weeks but after that, I'm probably gonna work to save up some money."

"How many of you are there anyway? Just the four at breakfast?"

He smiled over at you, appreciating your interest. "Seven actually. There's Jin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung, and myself."

"Seven?" your eyes widened a bit. The two of you took a seat together on a bench that was hidden underneath some shade from a large tree to hide from the sun for a bit. "Geeze. I can barely keep up with Soyeon and Soojin sometimes."

Jungkook chuckled softly. "It's a challenge for sure. They're important to me though."

You smiled over at him. He sat close to you; your elbows were touching and your thighs were gently pressed together. Despite how hot it was outside, it was nice having him close. You weren't exactly sure if you'd see him again for the next few months considering you were both going separate ways for the summer.

"Tell me how you guys met," you said softly.

Jungkook's expression was soft while talking about them. He seemed content when they were involved. "Well, I met Namjoon first. He was nice, like an older brother almost. He introduced me to Jin and Yoongi, then I met Jimin when he moved next door to me one year and I introduced him to them. Jimin knew Taehyung who knew Hoseok and the rest is history. We all spent nearly every day together after meeting."

"Even following each other to college."

"Exactly!"

"It's sweet," you nudged his elbow with yours a little. "Having friends you're so close with. You seem to really care about them."

He smiled again. "I do. What about your friends though? Tell me how you met them."

"Well Soyeon and I knew each other first." you started. Jungkook's eyes were on you as you spoke. "We met in primary school and met Soojin years down the line when heading to high school. She fit in with the two of us perfectly. She was a missing piece that we didn't even know we were missing until she came around. They're wonderful, honestly, and we too followed one another to college."

"Meant to be together," Jungkook said softly. "Friends are nice."

You hummed in agreement. "They are."

"I'm glad we met."

You looked over to the boy beside you. Eyes meeting his, you couldn't help the smile that painted your lips. "I'm really glad we met too."

Jungkook eyed you silently. It wasn't a bad silence or an awkward stare. It was almost intimate. His eyes didn't leave yours as he admired you at this moment. Being around you was more than enough to make him feel at ease. It was a feeling he wanted all of the time. He wanted you around all of the time.

"____, I really like-"

"Jungkoooooook!" a voice sang in the distance.

Both Jungkook and yourself looked to the left where it came from. Two boys came walking over with grins on their faces. They looked at you in amusement as Jungkook groaned at the absolute terrible timing they had.

"Jimin. Jin. What do you want?" Jungkook asked beside you.

"We're meeting up with everyone at that sushi place, come on," Jin said to him as he waved a hand in a motion to get him to stand up off of the bench.

"Wait wait, he may be busy with his pretty friend here. Hi! I'm Jimin!" the shorter boy held out a hand to you with the biggest smile on his plump lips. "And you are?" he asked you kindly.

Reaching out, you took his hand in yours and shook it gently. "____. Nice to meet you,"

"Do you wanna join us for some food?" Jin asked you after introducing himself as well so he wasn't being rude. "I could cover you. Any friend of JK's is a friend of mine."

"That's really sweet but I wouldn't want to intrude. Thank you though!" Jin nodded understandingly. You stood up with Jungkook then and took a deep breath. "Text me later?" you asked Jungkook softly.

He nodded once. "Of course."

"Great. It was lovely meeting you both." you smiled to Jin and Jimin before giving Jungkook a happy smile. Turning on your heels, you waved to the three of them before heading in the direction of your dorm.

They were nice enough to wait for you to be out of view before teasing Jungkook.

"She was cute, Kookie! When were you gonna tell us about your girlfriend, huh?" Jin teased his younger friend as he put his arm over his shoulder and pulled him into his side.

Jimin laughed beside them as the three of them walked towards Jin's car to go out to meet up with the rest of their friends. Jungkook groaned in annoyance as he pushed Jin away from him, but did so with a smile over his face.

"She isn't my girlfriend. As much as I would like for her to be," he confessed to them. "We are just friends."

"That's sad." Jimin sighed. "Just make your move, man. She's clearly into you."

Jungkook shrugged his shoulders. It wasn't that he didn't want to, because he really did, but he started feeling guilty for having feelings knowing you were with Hoseok a few months ago. He felt like he was going to hurt Hoseok. He almost told you how much he liked you right before Jin and Jimin interrupted him. That must be a sign, right? That it's a bad idea? Who knows, he thought to himself.

Hours later, Jungkook sat at a rounded table with all six of his closest friends. They all stuffed their faces with food as they talked and laughed. Everything around them disappeared as they enjoyed each others company and ate together.

Until Jimin spoke up.

"Jungkook was with a girl today."

"What!?" Namjoon and Taehyung gasped out loud, both shocked more than the others.

Hoseok and Yoongi widened their eyes and started smiling, but were quiet about their surprise. Jin and Jimin laughed at the betrayal on Jungkook's face.

"She was really cute too," Jin added with a nod before shoving another sushi roll in his mouth.

"You got a girlfriend and didn't tell us?" Hoseok teased him with bright eyes. "Do tell us now!"

As badly as Jungkook wanted to call him out for doing the same thing months ago, he didn't. He put on a smile instead and shook his head. "We're just friends."

"Who clearly like each other!" Jimin rolled his eyes. "They were very close and smiley while together. She even gave him "the look" before walking away. Don't let him fool you."

"There was no look!"

Jin laughed at his denial. "Yes, there was."

"Stop ganging up on me," Jungkook complained to Jin and Jimin before huffing softly.

Namjoon laughed then hushed them softly. "What's her name?"

Jungkook froze at his question. All eyes were on him and it made him uncomfortable. He was put on the spot. This is what he wanted to avoid this whole time. Jungkook nervously glanced around them all slowly before his eyes landed on Hoseok beside him.

"Um," Jungkook cleared his throat. "____. Her name is ____."

"Pretty," Taehyung said with a soft smile. "Is she nice?"

He nodded. "Really nice."

"That's great!"

Jungkook smiled at Taehyung. Hesitating then, he looked over to Hoseok once again. His smile was gone now as he looked at Jungkook. The way Jungkook answered so nervously and the way he kept eyeing him, Hobi just knew exactly who he was speaking about. Without mentioning it though, he only wished Jungkook the best before eating his food quietly.

The rest of dinner passed by as it had started; fun and happily. Except for Hoseok, who kept getting lost in his own thoughts. After everyone finished eating nearly two hours later, they all left to go their separate ways to go back to their own dorms. After a while, it was just Yoongi, Hoseok, and Jungkook who were still there. Yoongi ended up leaving shortly after everyone else did, leaving Hoseok and Jungkook alone.

Silence took over the table when it was just them two. Jungkook knew something was going to be said. He straightened his posture and cleared his throat, getting ready to say something but was stopped when Hoseok spoke out.

"Is she okay?" he asked Jungkook almost hesitantly. "Last time I saw ____, she was crying. She pushed me out of her dorm and that was the last time we spoke. I just want to know if she's okay."

Jungkook was surprised but nodded. "She's doing great. She's happy."

"Happy with you?"

"We aren't together."

Hoseok looked over at Jungkook rather than eyeing his plate. Jungkook was already looking his way. Hoseok, sighing, shook his head. "I hurt her bad."

"I know." Jungkook licked his lips, feeling a little uneasy having this conversation. "She told me what happened. Why did you hide her from us?"

"I didn't mean to, honestly." now, Hoseok relaxed back in his seat and adverted his gaze down to his empty plate again while speaking. "I never do well with feelings and relationships. I didn't want one but she did. She wanted to be more than fuck buddies." Jungkook cringed at that. "So I agreed one night while I was drunk. It wasn't for me, the relationship. I'm not interested in them enough to care. I did cheat and I know it was wrong. But I can't change any of that. I didn't say anything because I was going to end it. There was nothing to tell."

Jungkook frowned. There was regret in Hoseok's voice when he spoke. He really didn't mean to hurt you. Although Jungkook didn't condone cheating or any reasons behind it, he still felt pity for his friend. Hobi is a nice guy and he knows that.

"If you want her you should go and get her." Hoseok went on.

"But won't that be weird?" Jungkook asked a little confused.

Hoseok laughed beside him. Shaking his head lightly, he sat up as he prepared to leave. "Definitely not. Well, not for me. It's up to her I guess. And you."

* * * * * *

The rest of the week passed by in a blur. It was the last week, so everyone was rushing to plan life back at home and on their vacations or the next few days. Professors didn't care much about their lessons. It was calm yet fun. Weird but true.

Jungkook spent a lot more time with you too. Every day after class, he walked you back to your dorm. He even slipped his fingers between yours and held your hand as he walked you there. You two texted more often and he even called you once or twice just this week.

All the guilt he was feeling faded after Hoseok found out about Jungkook's feelings and said it was okay. You were over Hoseok and focused on Jungkook rather than his friendship with your ex-whatever. It was just a week, a short week, but it was lively.

Now as you sat in the grass after class with Jungkook laying beside you with his head on your lap, you felt content. It was the last day. Everyone was preparing to leave tonight and in the mornings. It was a little sad. Neither you nor Jungkook was rushing to leave either.  Instead, you sat in the shade contently while watching people pass by on their bikes or simply walking. Your fingers were running through Jungkook's tangled locks of hair, his eyes were closed with his hands folded together over his stomach.

Feelings hadn't been confessed exactly but they were obvious. It made you happy. You were happy.

"Your hair is a mess," you whispered out to him.

Jungkook smiled up at you without opening his eyes. "Yeah but you're having a wonderful time fixing it." you giggled softly at him and poked his forehead.

"Is it nap time?" a voice asked behind you.

Tilting your head up, you looked back to see Soojin and Soyeon standing there with teasing grins. You laughed at them but shook your head. "Just relaxing. Where are you two going?"

"Nowhere. We came to find you because you didn't come back to the dorm room." Soyeon said as she and Soojin came around and sat in front of you and Jungkook.

Jungkook opened his eyes now and looked over at them just as you did.

"You ditched us for your boyfriend? That's cold, man." Soojin pouted.

"That was my fault. Sorry," Jungkook started.

Soyeon held a hand out to him and shook her head quickly. "Do not apologize! It's about time you two love birds accept fate and be together."

You rolled your eyes at them and giggled softly. "Shut up before I tell my parents that neither of you can come on vacation with us suddenly."

"That's harsh," Soojin pouted.

Jungkook laughed with you. He sat up off of your lap, leaving you pouting, but stayed sitting beside you. "Where are you guys going anyway?" he asked.

"No idea. My parents haven't said." you leaned into him a bit.

Smiling, Jungkook placed a hand on your thigh and pulled you closer to him. Soyeon and Soojin smiled at one another as they watched the two of you be so affectionate together.

"Isn't this so cute!" Taehyung's voice came out of nowhere as he flopped down on the other side of Jungkook. "Hey, ____. Hey, ____'s friends."

You got to meet Taehyung the other day when he was walking with Jungkook to class. He's nice, and he makes you laugh. His blue hair was quite interesting.

"Hey," you smiled over at him. Soojin waved at him and Soyeon smiled kindly.

"What's up Tae?" Jungkook asked him.

Taehyung tore his eyes from your friends and his very many thoughts and smiled at Jungkook. "Hm? Oh, nothing. I just saw you cuddling over here and came to bother you. You two are so beautiful, holy shit."

You bubbled into laughter at his very random and sudden compliments to your friends. They both giggled themselves but rolled their eyes at his current eye-fucking as he eyed them both.

"Whoa is this a friends party? Hello, ladies." Jin came up with Namjoon and Jimin at his sides. The three of them sat down and joined your now little group.

The quiet and relaxing moment you had with Jungkook was gone as all of your friends joined. Even Yoongi came and sat down himself. Hoseok, who was with him, hesitated a bit when seeing you but joined anyway.

Soojin and Soyeon eyed him from their positions but you gave them a look of your own for them not to say or do anything. Despite what happened, you were letting it go. Considering Jungkook's words last weekend about Hoseok being a really good friend, you didn't want to get in the way of them in any shape or form.

"I like this! More people, bigger group, more fun." Jimin said as all ten of you sat together talking and laughing together. "Good job on getting a girlfriend, Jungkook. It made us a better group."

"I thought we were okay before," Yoongi huffed.

"Yeah but now there are boobs." Taehyung pointed a finger to Yoongi.

Hoseok reached out and gave Tae a high five, making everyone laugh. Even you laughed at them despite how perverted it was.

"I love how everyone keeps calling us boyfriend and girlfriend yet we aren't even dating," Jungkook said to you.

You snorted into a laugh. "I know. I think it's funny."

"Wait, you haven't asked her yet? What are you waiting for?" Namjoon asked confused.

Jungkook shrugged his shoulders at Namjoon. He then looked around at all of them with a playful look of annoyance on his face. "Maybe I'm waiting for all of you to not be up in our asses for once."

All eight of your friends gasped in unison. All looking offended and hurt, Soojin started to yell at him. "____, Soyeon, and I are a package deal! You get her, you get us!"

"Same with us!" Jin agreed with her. "We are a freaking package deal."

"They're like our children," you mumbled to Jungkook. "They can't give us space or privacy."

The ten of you sat together for the next few hours, honestly, talking about the most random things. From switching positions between laying down in the grass, standing, or sitting, none of you left. It was as if all of you had known each other for years and didn't start as strangers at the beginning of this week.

All this laughter and happiness made you sad knowing it happened at the very last minute before summer before all of you left and went different ways for the next few months. You wanted more evenings like this. It was fun and relaxing and you felt so comfortable with everyone. Even Hoseok. Being with Jungkook made everything feel better. You just felt happy now with him here.

You also got to see how much different of a person Hoseok was with friends rather than girls he was sleeping with. Jungkook was right when saying he was a good friend. He was, you could see that now.

Before anyone knew it, the sun was down and it was time to go back to your dorm rooms. Everyone stood up out of the grass together and brushed the dirt from their knees and bottoms. Sighing, you gave Jungkook's hand a little squeeze.

"I'll text you tomorrow. I have to finish packing up a few things tonight."

"Okay," he frowned. "Be careful going home okay? I won't be here tomorrow to see you off. We leave early in the morning." Jungkook said, speaking out for him and the six of his close friends.

You nodded at him and gave him a warm smile. "We'll talk every day."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely."

"Good," he smiled happily.

You paused while looking up into his eyes, which you seemed to be doing a lot these days. He had the prettiest brown eyes. Your voice was nearly a whisper when you spoke again. "Don't wait too much longer to ask me. I want to be yours, officially."

"I won't wait much longer. I just want the perfect moment." Jungkook assured you. "I promise."

"Okay," you leaned into him, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. "Goodnight Jungkook."

"Goodnight, ____."

Everyone waved and wished one another goodnight before going separate ways. The three girls and all seven boys went off in opposite directions to get ready to go home for the summer.

* * * * * * * * "Oh, I SO call dibs on this room! Look at this view!" Soyeon yelled as she walked into the biggest room with windows that gave her the perfect view to the beach.

You followed behind her inside with Soojin at your side. Your mother, who trailed behind you, laughed at the excitement. "All three of you girls have this room. It's the biggest one. Your father and I will take the room downstairs," she finished telling you.

"Thank you!" Soojin and Soyeon cheered excitedly as they set their suitcases down near the wall.

You giggled softly seeing them so happy. You turned to your mother and gave her a hug. "Thanks, ma. We'll be down to go out to dinner after settling in."

Your mother whispered a soft okay as she smiled before leaving you to it. You rushed over excitedly to the glass doors in the room that led out to a balcony; sliding them open, you stepped outside and took in a deep breath of the air.

The little vacation your parents planned was just a trip to a beach house for half of the summer. It was a simple idea, but you were so excited about it. It was nice, and it was even better that they let you bring Soyeon and Soojin with you. Especially considering you had no siblings and they could go out and do things with you on the boardwalk.

"It's such a pretty view," Soojin said beside you as she walked out to see the balcony herself.

"It really is!" you agreed.

You both admired the view of the beach out in front of the house. You were ready to go relax in the sand now, but there were dinner reservations to go to in about an hour.

Your phone started ringing in your back pocket, taking you from your thoughts. Reaching behind you and pulling it out, you excused yourself from your friends and walked back into the room.

Jungkook's name flashed on the screen, making you smile. It's been nearly two weeks since you all left for the summer and saw each other, but Jungkook made sure to keep talking to you every day. It was the sweetest.

"Hello?" you answered his call.

"Hey," his voice came in from the other line. "Make it to your vacation spot yet?"

The sound of his voice made you feel relaxed. You smiled to yourself. "Yeah. Just got here. It's a really cute beach house actually. Near the boardwalk! It's cool." Jungkook paused for a moment when he heard where you were. You noticed it too. "You okay?"

"What? Yeah. Just, uh, what beach?" telling him the name of it, he started laughing on the other side of the phone. "____, go outside for a second."

"Huh? Why?"

"Just do it. Please!"

"Okay, okay, don't get your panties in a bunch geeze." you teased.

Listening to him, you made your way downstairs and outside. You walked down into the sand on your own and took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm outside. Why did I have to do this?"

"Because," he hummed on the line. "I'm staying next door. Look."

Your heart started to race at his words. You started to look around in a panic to see if he was serious. Your head spun in different directions as you looked around to the houses near yours. As you spun around the third time, you finally saw him. Jungkook walked out into the sand himself with his phone up to his ear.

No words left your mouth at the sight of him. Just seeing him made your whole body fill with excitement. You hung up the call quickly and ran over to meet him. Jungkook, who met you halfway, picked you up in his arms as you jumped into them. Wrapping your legs around his waist, he held you up in a big hug with a gentle kiss to your shoulder.

"I thought it would be months before I saw you again!" you said out into his hair as you held onto him.

"I know, I know. Oh gosh. I've missed you," Jungkook confessed to you.

You wiggled in his arms a bit to get down. Jungkook got the hint and set you down on your feet, but you kept your body close to his as the two of you kept your arms around one another. You looked up into his eyes again and started smiling wide.

"I missed you too, Jungkook."

Jungkook reached up with one of his hands and brushed a strand of your hair from your face that fell from your ponytail. Taking a deep breath, he spoke softly as he rested his hand on your cheek, caressing it gently. "I found it."

"Found what?" you asked confused.

"The perfect moment," Jungkook smiled. "This is it."

Your mind wandered back to your last day seeing him. You started smiling big, your eyes shining in excitement. You didn't say anything though and just waited to hear those words. Realizing this, Jungkook tilted his head very slightly.

"____, will you be my girlfriend?"

You nodded your head quickly at him unable to stop your happiness from showing as boldly as it was. "Yes, of course."

Without another moment to waste, Jungkook leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. A feeling the both of you long waited to feel. His lips against yours felt perfect; they were warm, soft, and he moved his lips so slowly against yours. The kiss was far more passionate than you ever planned your first to be, but it was perfect.

Everything was perfect.

Until... "Oh hell no. Jungkook's girlfriend is our neighbor?!" Taehyung yelled from the door of their home.

Ruining the moment completely, both you and Jungkook pulled away to look over in Tae's direction. Five other heads poked out from behind him. It was quite a funny sight, seeing all of them watching you two. Soojin and Soyeon even came outside to see where you had gone.

As all ten of you looked between one another, many things were mumbled softly before Jin spoke out.

"Beaches, booze, boardwalks and ten horny adults all living side by side? This will make an interesting two weeks."

You looked up at Jungkook, who had already looked down at you himself. A grin spread over his lips and you started smiling yourself.

This indeed was going to be a very interesting, and unplanned, summer. And you were so ready for it.

#jungkook imagine #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jeon jungkook imagine #bts imagine #bts x you #bts x reader #bts scenarios #bts scenario #mine

[justicelljc]

How People Learn to Become Resilient

By Maria Konnikova

February 11, 2016

Perception is key to resilience: Do you conceptualize an event as traumatic, or as a chance to learn and grow?

Norman Garmezy, a developmental psychologist and clinician at the University of Minnesota, met thousands of children in his four decades of research. But one boy in particular stuck with him. He was nine years old, with an alcoholic mother and an absent father. Each day, he would arrive at school with the exact same sandwich: two slices of bread with nothing in between. At home, there was no other food available, and no one to make any. Even so, Garmezy would later recall, the boy wanted to make sure that “no one would feel pity for him and no one would know the ineptitude of his mother.” Each day, without fail, he would walk in with a smile on his face and a “bread sandwich” tucked into his bag.

The boy with the bread sandwich was part of a special group of children. He belonged to a cohort of kids—the first of many—whom Garmezy would go on to identify as succeeding, even excelling, despite incredibly difficult circumstances. These were the children who exhibited a trait Garmezy would later identify as “resilience.” (He is widely credited with being the first to study the concept in an experimental setting.) Over many years, Garmezy would visit schools across the country, focussing on those in economically depressed areas, and follow a standard protocol. He would set up meetings with the principal, along with a school social worker or nurse, and pose the same question: Were there any children whose backgrounds had initially raised red flags—kids who seemed likely to become problem kids—who had instead become, surprisingly, a source of pride? “What I was saying was, ‘Can you identify stressed children who are making it here in your school?’ ” Garmezy said, in a 1999 interview. “There would be a long pause after my inquiry before the answer came. If I had said, ‘Do you have kids in this school who seem to be troubled?,’ there wouldn’t have been a moment’s delay. But to be asked about children who were adaptive and good citizens in the school and making it even though they had come out of very disturbed backgrounds—that was a new sort of inquiry. That’s the way we began.”

Resilience presents a challenge for psychologists. Whether you can be said to have it or not largely depends not on any particular psychological test but on the way your life unfolds. If you are lucky enough to never experience any sort of adversity, we won’t know how resilient you are. It’s only when you’re faced with obstacles, stress, and other environmental threats that resilience, or the lack of it, emerges: Do you succumb or do you surmount?

Environmental threats can come in various guises. Some are the result of low socioeconomic status and challenging home conditions. (Those are the threats studied in Garmezy’s work.) Often, such threats—parents with psychological or other problems; exposure to violence or poor treatment; being a child of problematic divorce—are chronic. Other threats are acute: experiencing or witnessing a traumatic violent encounter, for example, or being in an accident. What matters is the intensity and the duration of the stressor. In the case of acute stressors, the intensity is usually high. The stress resulting from chronic adversity, Garmezy wrote, might be lower—but it “exerts repeated and cumulative impact on resources and adaptation and persists for many months and typically considerably longer.”

Prior to Garmezy’s work on resilience, most research on trauma and negative life events had a reverse focus. Instead of looking at areas of strength, it looked at areas of vulnerability, investigating the experiences that make people susceptible to poor life outcomes (or that lead kids to be “troubled,” as Garmezy put it). Garmezy’s work opened the door to the study of protective factors: the elements of an individual’s background or personality that could enable success despite the challenges they faced. Garmezy retired from research before reaching any definitive conclusions—his career was cut short by early-onset Alzheimer’s—but his students and followers were able to identify elements that fell into two groups: individual, psychological factors and external, environmental factors, or disposition on the one hand and luck on the other.

In 1989 a developmental psychologist named Emmy Werner published the results of a thirty-two-year longitudinal project. She had followed a group of six hundred and ninety-eight children, in Kauai, Hawaii, from before birth through their third decade of life. Along the way, she’d monitored them for any exposure to stress: maternal stress in utero, poverty, problems in the family, and so on. Two-thirds of the children came from backgrounds that were, essentially, stable, successful, and happy; the other third qualified as “at risk.” Like Garmezy, she soon discovered that not all of the at-risk children reacted to stress in the same way. Two-thirds of them “developed serious learning or behavior problems by the age of ten, or had delinquency records, mental health problems, or teen-age pregnancies by the age of eighteen.” But the remaining third developed into “competent, confident, and caring young adults.” They had attained academic, domestic, and social success—and they were always ready to capitalize on new opportunities that arose.

What was it that set the resilient children apart? Because the individuals in her sample had been followed and tested consistently for three decades, Werner had a trove of data at her disposal. She found that several elements predicted resilience. Some elements had to do with luck: a resilient child might have a strong bond with a supportive caregiver, parent, teacher, or other mentor-like figure. But another, quite large set of elements was psychological, and had to do with how the children responded to the environment. From a young age, resilient children tended to “meet the world on their own terms.” They were autonomous and independent, would seek out new experiences, and had a “positive social orientation.” “Though not especially gifted, these children used whatever skills they had effectively,” Werner wrote. Perhaps most importantly, the resilient children had what psychologists call an “internal locus of control”: they believed that they, and not their circumstances, affected their achievements. The resilient children saw themselves as the orchestrators of their own fates. In fact, on a scale that measured locus of control, they scored more than two standard deviations away from the standardization group.

Werner also discovered that resilience could change over time. Some resilient children were especially unlucky: they experienced multiple strong stressors at vulnerable points and their resilience evaporated. Resilience, she explained, is like a constant calculation: Which side of the equation weighs more, the resilience or the stressors? The stressors can become so intense that resilience is overwhelmed. Most people, in short, have a breaking point. On the flip side, some people who weren’t resilient when they were little somehow learned the skills of resilience. They were able to overcome adversity later in life and went on to flourish as much as those who’d been resilient the whole way through. This, of course, raises the question of how resilience might be learned.

George Bonanno is a clinical psychologist at Columbia University’s Teachers College; he heads the Loss, Trauma, and Emotion Lab and has been studying resilience for nearly twenty-five years. Garmezy, Werner, and others have shown that some people are far better than others at dealing with adversity; Bonanno has been trying to figure out where that variation might come from. Bonanno’s theory of resilience starts with an observation: all of us possess the same fundamental stress-response system, which has evolved over millions of years and which we share with other animals. The vast majority of people are pretty good at using that system to deal with stress. When it comes to resilience, the question is: Why do some people use the system so much more frequently or effectively than others?

One of the central elements of resilience, Bonanno has found, is perception: Do you conceptualize an event as traumatic, or as an opportunity to learn and grow? “Events are not traumatic until we experience them as traumatic,” Bonanno told me, in December. “To call something a ‘traumatic event’ belies that fact.” He has coined a different term: PTE, or potentially traumatic event, which he argues is more accurate. The theory is straightforward. Every frightening event, no matter how negative it might seem from the sidelines, has the potential to be traumatic or not to the person experiencing it. (Bonanno focusses on acute negative events, where we may be seriously harmed; others who study resilience, including Garmezy and Werner, look more broadly.) Take something as terrible as the surprising death of a close friend: you might be sad, but if you can find a way to construe that event as filled with meaning—perhaps it leads to greater awareness of a certain disease, say, or to closer ties with the community—then it may not be seen as a trauma. (Indeed, Werner found that resilient individuals were far more likely to report having sources of spiritual and religious support than those who weren’t.) The experience isn’t inherent in the event; it resides in the event’s psychological construal.

It’s for this reason, Bonanno told me, that “stressful” or “traumatic” events in and of themselves don’t have much predictive power when it comes to life outcomes. “The prospective epidemiological data shows that exposure to potentially traumatic events does not predict later functioning,” he said. “It’s only predictive if there’s a negative response.” In other words, living through adversity, be it endemic to your environment or an acute negative event, doesn’t guarantee that you’ll suffer going forward. What matters is whether that adversity becomes traumatizing.

The good news is that positive construal can be taught. “We can make ourselves more or less vulnerable by how we think about things,” Bonanno said. In research at Columbia, the neuroscientist Kevin Ochsner has shown that teaching people to think of stimuli in different ways—to reframe them in positive terms when the initial response is negative, or in a less emotional way when the initial response is emotionally “hot”—changes how they experience and react to the stimulus. You can train people to better regulate their emotions, and the training seems to have lasting effects.

Similar work has been done with explanatory styles—the techniques we use to explain events. I’ve written before about the research of Martin Seligman, the University of Pennsylvania psychologist who pioneered much of the field of positive psychology: Seligman found that training people to change their explanatory styles from internal to external (“Bad events aren’t my fault”), from global to specific (“This is one narrow thing rather than a massive indication that something is wrong with my life”), and from permanent to impermanent (“I can change the situation, rather than assuming it’s fixed”) made them more psychologically successful and less prone to depression. The same goes for locus of control: not only is a more internal locus tied to perceiving less stress and performing better but changing your locus from external to internal leads to positive changes in both psychological well-being and objective work performance. The cognitive skills that underpin resilience, then, seem like they can indeed be learned over time, creating resilience where there was none.

Unfortunately, the opposite may also be true. “We can become less resilient, or less likely to be resilient,” Bonanno says. “We can create or exaggerate stressors very easily in our own minds. That’s the danger of the human condition.” Human beings are capable of worry and rumination: we can take a minor thing, blow it up in our heads, run through it over and over, and drive ourselves crazy until we feel like that minor thing is the biggest thing that ever happened. In a sense, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Frame adversity as a challenge, and you become more flexible and able to deal with it, move on, learn from it, and grow. Focus on it, frame it as a threat, and a potentially traumatic event becomes an enduring problem; you become more inflexible, and more likely to be negatively affected.

In December the New York Times Magazine published an essay called “The Profound Emptiness of ‘Resilience.’ ” It pointed out that the word is now used everywhere, often in ways that drain it of meaning and link it to vague concepts like “character.” But resilience doesn’t have to be an empty or vague concept. In fact, decades of research have revealed a lot about how it works. This research shows that resilience is, ultimately, a set of skills that can be taught. In recent years, we’ve taken to using the term sloppily—but our sloppy usage doesn’t mean that it hasn’t been usefully and precisely defined. It’s time we invest the time and energy to understand what “resilience” really means.

**Maria Konnikova is the author of “The Confidence Game” and “Mastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes.”

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29

> Hey Reader. Saddle up. This is long winded as fuck. There are little notes at the bottom for the numbers in the text. Anyway. The voices used to write this change. A lot of it will sound childish. I wrote parts in that voice because it was necessary for that part of my life. Also I suck at organizing my thoughts. Please keep my past English teachers in your hearts. They did the best they could with me.<

So I am living in a state where if there is not contest, you might as well wait it out for 18 months living separately. I moved here from my home state thinking things could be better with a new start, and I didn't want a life without my step kids. Of course things went awry, and now we're separated, and I don't see my step kids everyday.

With him I didn't have to pay for anything. I wanted to. He makes significantly more money than I ever did, and that fucked with me. I couldn't be financially helpful. I had a job, and it meant nothing in comparison. He made me feel that. Tried to get me to be a stay-at-home-mom because it was financially more useful than me working. I grew up working for everything I wanted. Work and hard work was what I knew. A household with two working parents was what I knew and what I wanted. He won eventually.

I was 23 and he was 31. He was going through a divorce with two kids from his previous marriage. I was young, carefree, loved kids, stupid and hopeful. I still high on trying to make less mistakes and better myself by going to school by finding that mythical job that I love and not struggle. Though I kept forgetting that I have depression, bipolar, and anxiety. That I will more than likely have to take pills everyday of my life to function "normally," in addition to therapy. At the point I met him I was doing neither medication nor therapy. I was stuck in well-meaning loop of "I'm trying." It of course want good enough. So I never progressed.

We dated for two years before I decided I wanted him to ask me to marry him. Stupid. Those two years were filled with him putting me down about my mental health, my silver of aspirations, my social life. My social life already lacked from being pretty introverted. Any friends I had at the time I'd known for years and had grown apart from with sprinkles of hangouts here and there. Then I made new friends. Friends from work who wanted to do things with me and understood me a little better. My growing friendships with stunted with being guilt tripped. His kids the bait.I took it. I had fallen for them. I had decided I wanted to be in their lives. I loved them. I was also told that I wouldn't be having children of my own with him. Though because of loving them, and because I loved him, thought he was the best thing to happen to me, I tried to make myself forget about having something I wanted the most out of life. I loved my stepkids even more. I also tried to compromise with my social life until nothing was enough, and I hardly ever saw my friends outside of work. I was so fucking vulnerable. I am so god damn thankful for those friends I met at work still being around for nearly 6 years.

Two years of red flags. Two years of trying to compromise, then fight, then my silence, and submission. Not ultimate submission, no, I still had some pride left. I put up the occasional fight and occasional acts of disobedience. I had to. Then there was happiness. Because I submitted. Duh. He got what he wanted. So I was happy¹. Twenty-five had come around, and my poorly wired brain told me it was time to get married. He loved me. So why not? Summer 2015 he popped the question during Movie In The Park. I knew it was coming because we talked about it and he let me pick out my ring. I was overjoyed. He paid the money for the ring, but I still was surprised he actually did it. After years of feeling unworthy of love, like I didn’t deserve happiness, like I was only good for pushing people away, someone wanted to marry me. Sounds rad, but it wasn’t. Against the better collective judgment of myself and other who knew my relationship, I said yes.

Now activated was stressful wedding planning. He ended up footing the bill for the entire thing because my dad couldn’t (or wouldn’t, still unclear) help pay for anything. Part of that was because for some reason my almost spouse wanted to get married the same year. November to be exact. He, to this day says he was joking about the timing, but I will never believe him. The reason? Taxes. We wouldn’t be able to file jointly married if we waited. He had it in my head that my low income was needed that tax year to lessen the amount of taxes he would owe. I didn’t get the venue I wanted because of moving the wedding up. So I decided that I wanted to do a courthouse wedding. He had already gotten married once before, and if I wasn’t getting the wedding I really wanted, then I would settle for much less. He said at some point during an argument that if I didn’t agree to a big wedding like he wanted, then we shouldn’t get married. I could no longer have family I wanted to attend be there, but I really wanted to get married. I was blind. So we got married November 2015. I wasted a good wedding theme and the time of everyone who attended. We never even got our wedding photos back. There was an ice storm. My dad paid for my dress giving me a check on my wedding day, but he (at my request not thinking he would actually do it) deducted money owed him from the balance. Looking back I feel that it was just a shitty wedding day for a multitude of reasons.

It’s November 2019, and this month would be our 4th anniversary. It’s weird that we’re not celebrating it. We kind of forced it last year. Even got a puppy. Poor Tonks. Though I’m also in another relationship for over a year now. So there’s that. He’ll argue that it’s that relationship that ended us because he put up with so much for me. We were shitty before boyfriend came into play. I also had a miscarriage during year two of our marriage, and that nearly broke us. I should have left because there were some shitty things said directed at me during that time. Like really shitty. Though back to polyamory, not wanting to let go of something good that was happening to me won over, and eventually helped me leave. Not the person. It should be known that part of our “redefining ourselves” idea coming with moving to a new state included polyamory.

So. While getting ready to make the move, my spouse had to move ahead of me and the kids. We talked about being in an open relationship. He only wanted a shared girlfriend. I said fuck that and scrubbed that idea opting for polyamory. Why? Because I am polyamorous. After years of being told that I was a dirty cheater, failing at being monogamous, beating myself up for failing, and deep suppression, I had come to terms with being poly. So, okay, he went with it. I explicitly pointed out that once we went this way, I would not go back to monogamy. I couldn’t. It was kind of like coming out for the third time in my life. First with coming out as bisexual during my teen years, the second coming out as pansexual in my 20s.² I sold him on the idea that for me, it would just be sex. I have always been able to separate sex from emotions. I never needed to feel anything about someone before fucking them. After a short while I stopped feeling guilty about not feeling guilty. So whatever. I like sex. I did however make it a point to tell people I was not in it for the feels. I’m not a complete monster. Though that turned into never sleeping with the same partner more than once so as no to catch “feels.” When I did catch feelings I tried to hide it because the sex was good, and a few times admitted my feelings ending up in short-lived relationships. I fucked up, I know. The long and the short was spouse declared that he needed to find someone first before I could do anything physical with anyone. His reasoning was uneven playing field between our genders.³ Blah, blah, blah. That was March 2018. The next month I met my boyfriend online.

You would have thought I went against the rules my spouse and I had previously developed. He was on my case. I was happy talking to my boyfriend. Found out he lived really close to where I was moving (big fucking plus and homeboy was cute af sorry not sorry). Spouse at this point had not found anyone to sleep with. So after being difficult and me telling him that it was pretty unfair that I had to wait, he allowed me to go on a date and let me have sex. Two separate people, and not my boyfriend. May rolled around and me and would be boyfriend have been talking for a month. Spouse had found someone. I was sick to my god damn stomach. Like who else wanted to date this idiot besides me. He was my idiot. As a gesture towards learning to be open and honest with our feelings I expressed my discomfort. Which eventually got dismissed with “you’ll be okay.” Because he was now doing something, everything was okay. My feelings definitely didn’t matter. Though he acted like they did.⁴

May also meant that it was time for the kids and I to move. The school year was over, and it was time for them to spend time with their mom. So spouse and I were kid free for three weeks. it also meant I would finally get to meet the guy I’ve been talking to for a month. I won’t lie. I was fucking elated. I had planned to go at least a day ahead of spouse to get some alone time. Time to meet the guy, see if I still liked him in person, and ya know, do the do. That did not fucking happen. I’ll admit I let my excite get the better of me, a lot. To the point where I lied about where I was going and how. This was in response to spouse being himself and not allowing me to take time out to see my future boyfriend (spouse and I both ended up at the new house not too far apart from each other). I got upset and was dishonest. Not proud of that. It was not good. To me I felt like spouse got his alone time with the new woman, twice I might add. Why couldn’t I be granted the same? Spouse almost didn’t let me use the air bnb he was staying at which had two rooms. I declared that he could not use the same bed him and I slept in to have sex with her.⁵ So he used the other room. Which I also used. Now. We had also a rule stating no overnights. Yeah, post-coital naps do not fall under that. It was already late at night. I was tired. The plan was nap and go home. Duh not stay the night. We also had a few other rules: 1. communicate 2. do not contact the other partner while they are with another Person unless it can’t wait. My spouse showed up at the air bnb because I didn’t communicate, and he thought I was taking too long. Tried to pin breaking the overnight rule on me too. Nah. Eventually I got to go on a proper date with future boyfriend, and it was amazing.

Over a year and a half later I am separated from my spouse and have been with my boyfriend. I moved out in April 2019. I was doing okay for living on my own for the first time in six (6) years. I had a job after a year of basically being guilted into being a stay-at-home-mom⁶. Which I enjoyed the growing closer to my kids part of it, but the constant being at home with only precious baby of a dog, and being expected to spend large portions of my day keeping up a house, not leaving the house to work, put in a deep depression. No matter how hard I tried to try hard, I couldn’t make myself do shit. Small accomplishments were huge to me, and meant little to spouse. So having a job and my own space was fucking magical. I mean spouse totally had to cosign on my apartment, and was (is) giving me $500 a month (ending this coming December) as hush money because I’m probably not going to qualify for alimony. For the record, should I qualify, I wouldn’t be asking for more than what would help me be independent of him. Dude makes six figures a year. He has enough to spare. I wouldn’t be out to get all his money. I don’t want to interrupt the lively hood of my step kids. Anyway. Like I said, it’s November 2019. I lost my job last month. I have a car I need to make payments on, utility bills, it was necessary for me to adopt my dog out, and I feel low again.

Needless to say that the last month has been kind of shitty. Oh. My dad also has a stage four brain cancer. Trust me that plays into the not currently employed thing. I’m still look and applying, but what if my dad dies and I’ve had the new job for less than a month? I’ll obviously be taking the amount of bereavement time allowed. It’s my fucking dad. So I take bereavement and then come back and lose my job? I’ve applied for unemployment as a temporary means of income⁷. Though it’s taking about a month to see if I can receive it. The idea had been to stay on unemployment throughout the holiday season while still looking for a job, and not passing up a good opportunity. Cross the jobless bridge again if I need to in the event my father dies. I have no fucking clue what to do except move forward. What else though? I don’t know what I should be doing while I’m moving. I’m still seeing my therapist, and now new psychiatrist. Both of them working out well. So that’s good. Part of why spouse and I haven’t really pushed for other reasons for immediate divorce is because I really need the health insurance. I got to the doctors a lot for various health issues. If I didn’t have health insurance, all the progress I’ve made towards my mental health will be undone in a much shorter time than it took to get it to a better place. I can’t let that happen. I turn 30 this coming March. I’m fighting to begin the next decade of my life on a good note.

*BONUS ROUND* My still being legally married is causing other problems. My boyfriend’s parents have no idea that I’m still legally married. I do not have good feelings about beginning how to start that conversation. It’s been over a year. Boyfriend’s sister knows. We (he) told her (while I was in the same room) to see what she thought. She thinks it will be fine. It probably wouldn’t be if I had biological children. Which I don’t. Blessing in disguise I’ve been told.

If you’ve made it this far I really wish I had something to give you for reading through my short review of my life. Trust me. This is the short version. All in all it was an abusive relationship, and despite my current predicaments, I am in a better place since leaving. I really left a fuck ton out. You’re welcome. I’m not new to the internet. I know some of you will want to comment things that I don’t agree with. If they aren’t insightful, to point out a typo, and only cruel, then I don’t give two fucks. I understand that I may be the ”villain” in his story, and after writing what I did I can only imagine what he would say. I am a happy little camper with my boyfriend. He deserves a god damn medal or some shit for sticking with me after things got hairy. He is awesome.

¹ Years later Paramore's "Fake Happy" would cause me to break down into tears. That was when I realized I was situationally happy. It was fake.

² I am 100% not claiming polyamory as a sexual identity. Honestly I could be better educated. I am comparing the feelings. Those being free, shoulders a little lighter, and most of all happier. I will also not entertain discussions of bisexuality versus pansexuality.

³ Q.Q some more you sexist prick

⁴ A little over a year later I came to the realization that I always HAD to ask for permission. He did, but he never HAD to. He had the power in the relationship. I had to mind my Ps and Qs so to speak. If I said no, we had to discuss. If he said no, that was it. So I never wanted to discuss anything with him.

⁵ The “no same bed” thing I lobbied for carried over into our new house. I’m just not cool with that. There was OUR space and THE space. Eventually spouse barred me from ever using the house, and boyfriend was not allowed inside of it period.

⁶ He won.

⁷ Needing assistance seriously hurts my pride. I'm stuck between getting off of it as soon as possible, and falling further into debt.

#have mercy on my soul #relationships #divorce #emotional abuse #mental abuse #financial abuse #marriage #polyam problems #lost #long reads #growing up #my year in review #moving forward #moving forward without direction #villains #typos