#or even if we just hadn't come to this fucking town and we'd lived in ANY FUCKING CITY

[hella1975]

i hate my town i hate the people in it i hate the shame that consumes us all i hate that every failure might as well be posted in the square because everyone knows everyone i hate that my grandparents are here and i hate that my mother came back for them i hate that the kids are dying and no one cares i hate that every good memory has a bad memory right next door like sam's house around the corner from my childhood home i hate the body they pulled from the river i hate the memory of hearing yellow by coldplay at my cousin's funeral because all i could think was that it was too modern for the situation but then he was only seventeen so it makes sense i hate that i was seventeen too and all the boys i knew were there his friends that were supposed to be the tough guys the scary guys i hate that i pretended not to see them sobbing i hate that everything smells of cigarettes here i hate the politics i hate the people i used to love that dont even smile at me on the street i hate that the girl who called me a slut works at my favourite bar i hate every alley and hidden shortcut and i hate that i know them like the back of my hand i hate the same fucking coffee shops i sat in when i was fourteen and scared and now im nineteen and scared and i hate that it's exactly what this town wants i hate that it wants anger i hate that it wants fear i hate that it wants shame i hate that i can give it everything

#thinking about how the two biggest things in my life rn - writing and my degree - are so punctuated by this fucking town #like my biggest fear with my degree isnt what id think of myself if i dropped out or failed #or even what my family would think bc they're nicer to me than i am #it's genuinely the thought of what my hometown lot would say that keeps me up at night #like the thought of my neighbour who told me id never accomplish anything bc my school was shitter than his fancy one #the thought of having to look him in the eye #or the thought of knowing my friends will tell their mums who are still on the PTA with old teachers who thought i was special #like small towns wrap you in this bubble of smallness and it suffocates you and you're so terrified and ashamed of every little mistake #and then my writing GOD i keep thinking about how tbos is probably the best thing ive ever written #and id publish it id genuinely try and get it published #but im just again so scared and ashamed and embarrassed like how do i explain to these assholes that im writing fantasy #and that's not even counting the gay angle bc that's the biggest part #i just am not brave enough for that yet and yeah maybe it's bc im still young but i shouldnt have to be brave to enjoy things to begin with #failure shouldnt require bravery when it's just a fact of life #and i think about if we'd lived in london like my dad wanted us to or if we'd gone to dublin bc my mum loves dublin #or even if we just hadn't come to this fucking town and we'd lived in ANY FUCKING CITY #my dad jokes about how in london he didn't even know his neighbours names and god i just crave that anonymity so fucking much #it's so frustrating and my mum takes it so personally whenever i say i hate the town and my sister says i'll grow out of it just because #she did but i genuinely dont think i will #and maybe that's the creative in me or the queer in me that she just cant relate to but i have always always hated this place #like a guy i have a VERY complicated history with messaged me the other day and we havent talked in TIME #and it was kinda sweet if not awkward just bc of our aforementioned rocky past but one thing he mentioned when i said i was at uni #was that he said really genuinely 'im so happy to hear that; i know you always wanted to get out of [town name]' #like he still remembers that about me even though weve been friends since we were 12 and i havent spoken to him since i was?? 17?? #UGH i just hate it here and it's the fact that i'll never escape it either bc i cant totally abandon ship without also #abandoning my family and i refuse to do that and they refuse to leave so now im just stuck with all these CONNECTIONS #sorry to vent lol #ig this could be a poetry thing? we'll say it is instead of me just having another meltdown LMAO #hella goes home

[bambistan]

A correspondence between jegulus in a homophobic world bc angst.

⬇️⬇️⬇️

Dear Regulus,

It's been a while since we last spoke, but . . . I was thinking of you today.

I was by the ocean, and the greying clouds created a storm as beautiful as the one in your eyes. I couldn't bring myself to look away, even as it turned violent.

I fear I'll spend every second of my existence longing for someone I can't have . . . Someone I shouldn't want.

I wish one of us wasn't condemned to live in a man's body. Maybe then, I could love you as loudly as I please.

Maybe then we could've been together.

Sincerely,

James

~*~

Dear James,

Much to my own dismay, I was excited to receive a letter from you. We'd agreed not to speak - though is writing really speaking?

I share your sorrows, your pain. I know the feeling all too well as it has made a home inside me.

In the darkest hours of the night, I fantasise about how differently things could've gone had I been born a girl.

I miss you.

Sincerely,

Regulus

~*~

Dear Regulus,

I will admit I hadn't expected a reply - I thought you'd hated me. However, I'm pleased to know you miss me.

I miss you too.

I miss waking up next to you. Watching as the sun slips through the crack in the curtains and paints your face in the most extraordinary shade of gold.

I miss having you close to me. Feeling your head on my chest, rising with each breath I take, ever so slightly.

Do you remember that day in the orchards?

Sincerely,

James

~*~

Dear Jamie,

How could I forget?

We'd exhausted ourselves on the race there and ate almost every apple on every tree.

However - shamefully - my favourite moment was afterwards, in my parents' lake.

I can still recall the feeling of water rippling as you moved against me. The words you whispered in my ear as your grip on me tightened.

I'd sell my soul to go back to that day.

Sincerely,

Regulus

~*~

My dearest,

Regulus,

You have no idea the things you do to me.

If anyone knew, I'm sure I'd be castrated and hung for my crimes - but I'd die with a smile on my face.

Why did we ever stop?

We could go back to that day together.

I need you like I need air. Please come back.

Yours,

Jamie

~*~

Dear James,

Please do not make this harder for me.

You know why I can't go back. There are people who hold such hatred for love like ours.

My parents, the church, everyone in that godforsaken town.

I have to kneel for hours on end in the darkness of the church basement to repent for my sins. To forget you had ever existed . . .

But I cannot.

Even if it hurts . . . I fear that's when I love you most.

Sincerely,

Regulus

~*~

Dear Regulus,

Just say the word and I'll come to you.

Please, my love, I am desperate. It's been years, yet without you, they feel like centuries.

We could run away together - live in the mountains. You always did like caves.

I don't know any other way to ask then to beg, so please please please . . .

Come home to me, love. Let me come to you.

Please.

Love,

James

~*~

Dear Regulus,

I had hope for a while. I'd thought your inability to write back was due to your travelling.

However, it became apparent that that wasn't the case as you would've reached me already.

I can only assume my feelings aren't reciprocated and your previous letters were nothing but a reminiscence of good times.

I will bother you no longer.

Fondly,

James

~*~

Dear Regulus,

It's been months.

I know I swore not to write but is it really so hard to pick up a pen and tell me to fuck off?

I'd do anything you asked, including leaving you alone, so just say the word, and I'm gone.

I'll be, but another memory you smile fondly at before passing by.

Sincerely,

James

~*~

Dear Regulus,

You know it's not like me to give up.

I will fight for the things I want - and I want you.

Madly, desperately, I want you.

Feel free not to answer my sorrows, but know that they will never stop coming.

Love,

James

~*~

Dear James,

Come to me.

Love,

Regulus

Yay!! Happy ending.... Or is it?

#james potter #regulus black #jegulus #love letters #i like writing really sappy love letters #it cures my mental illness

[thedepthsoffandomminds]

The last of us - Broken together 14

Okay I wrote another part, couldn't leave it like that. This is all fluff

Two months Joel counted since your return to Jackson. You lived in his house though, slept in his bed but you were ghost. Ellie too. Two ghosts wandering his home. He knew he needed to do more to get you both back so he made his way across the street to see his brother.

Tommy answered with a baby girl in his arms.

"hey big brother." He said gleefully letting him inside. They went to the kitchen where the younger started making coffee. Unable to juggle his new child and the pot he turned and quickly handed her too Joel.

"No, Tommy I..." He started to protest but looking into her face took his breath. She was just a few weeks old but he hadn't taken the time to study her face.

"She looks like..." His voice was low and she coed up at him.

"Yeah I know." Tommy set a coffee in front of them both sitting opposite his brother. "You want me to-?"

"no, no it's okay " Joel had left the baby clutching his finger in her tiny hand, his mind drifting back over thirty years to when he first saw Sarah.

"So how can I help you today? You ready to start pitching in?" Tommy laughed.

"Well who looks after those sheep, out a ways in the fields?" Joel asked not taking his eyes off his niece.

"Oh we take it in turns, no shepherds around here." He laughed.

"There a house that goes with it?"

"Joel Miller are you asking to have a ranch, in. Commune?" Maria asked from the kitchen door. Joel felt instantly uncomfortable and shifted in his seat.

"Well, it's just y/n and Ellie are finding it mighty tough to adjust. I just figured if we could get off the main street, have some quiet."

"He wants solitude, Maria." Tommy finished for him.

"It's a good idea. Give them something to do as well. Okay give us a few days to connect the house up to the power supply. Shouldn't take us more than a day but no one's been there but to pick it apart." Maria rested herself against the counter.

"That's not a problem, we don't need that much." Joel stood and handed his niece to Maria, "you thought of a name yet?" He asked.

Tommy stiffened. "Well we gunna ask you, her first name is Lorie after Maria's mum but we thought we'd give her Sarah as a middle name."

Joel's throat ran dry as he nodded.

"oh, That, that's. Yeah." He nodded, gave the little girl a small stroke on her cheek then turned to the door. "I'll tell the girls." He said as he left letting the fresh summer air hit him.he room it in for a moment letting the emotions he felt run through him.

Looking up he saw you inside moving past the living room window. Ellie beside you. He rushed over.

"Hey, I'm glad you're both up. I been talking to Tommy and there's a house, just outside town, separated by a line of trees. They keep the sheep up there and well-"

"Fuck yeah sheep ranch!" Ellie's face lit up for the first time in a long time. "we going there?" She asked. Joel nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, if we all want to.?" He looked at you. "Y/n?"

"Oh yeah, that's okay." You tried to smile but it didn't reach very high.

Ellie wanted to start packing straight away so she filled her backpack with her clothes and shoved her comic books into a small box. They didn't own much yet. Joel was glad that he had managed to bring up her spirits at least.

That evening you went for a shower and walked into the bedroom sitting on the bed in just a towel. Joel walked in, seeing your hair dangle wet over the scars on your back. He moved tentatively over to you and sat down beside you. His arm coming up around your shoulders.

"They named the baby." He said.

"I know, I heard you tell Ellie." You reply.

"you ever, you ever had kids?" He asked realising he knew nothing about you before meeting you at Bill's.

"I was nineteen three days before outbreak day." You said, hoping it would be enough, your body had other ideas. "But yeah I did. But she died." You hadn't thought about the child in a long time.

"in the outbreak?" Joel asked.

You shook your head.

"No, before that, it was before I moved over here, back in England. I was seventeen. It was a mistake. The baby came too early and she couldn't-" the words caught in your throat. Joel's thumb stroked your shoulder. "It's why I came here to live with Bill, my mum figured it would be best to just get away from everything and everyone."

"I'm sorry."

"When Anna, Ellie's mum got pregnant I thought maybe you could have a family in this fucked up world, but that didn't end so well" you got up and looked out the window, the towel fell off your back exposing more of your skin.

"Joel?"

"hmm?"

"I like the idea of the ranch. It'll be nice to have something to do." You say over to him. He holds his hand out beckoning you to him. Before moving you close the thin curtains, then settle on one of his legs. One hand holding your towel the other stroking the contours of his jaw.

"You know I have no right being with you? Your uncle would have shot me just for looking at you too long if he'd seen it. I always risked it though." His gruff voice whispered. "People round here they, they ain't too keen on you being with me, heard them saying you should have a chance at a younger man."

"I don't want a younger man." You said plainly, confused where this conversation was going. Joel swallowed a lump in his throat.

"All I'm sayin' is you don't gotta stay with me. I've put you in some dyer situations."

"the world ended." He laughed at that.

"you sure you wanna come to the ranch?" He asked finally.

"Joel Miller I walked for four days across an infected country, avoiding raiders and Scars and you think I did it because I like this town?"

"I dunno."

You press a kiss to his jawline. It was the first time you had kissed him first since coming back and he revelled in the feeling. How had he been so cut off from the world just a year ago? He snakes his hand up your back as you reach into the back of his hair. Time sorta stood still for you both. The towel that had been covering you slid until it was pooling around your waist your naked breasts pressing against the flannel of his shirt.

You'd been together for some time, and Joel had seen you change clothes but this was the closest he'd been to you, your skin soft against his fingers.

The hand that had been holding the towel moved slowly to his buttons, undoing them with ease until one of his grabbed your wrist. You pulled back from his kiss and he rested his forehead against yours.

"We don't have to..."

Your hand dropped and you felt more self conscious than ever.

"Do you not-?" You ask.

"Oh god, yeah I want to, I've wanted to since I saw you planting marigolds in Frank's garden, I jus' wanted you to be sure."

You take his face in your hands, lifting it so he was looking you in the eyes.

"you really are a silly old man." You kissed him again and manoeuvred yourself so you straddled his hips. Your own grinding down on him as your lips pressed together once more. Without breaking the kiss Joel flipped you round so your back was against the bed and he unbuttoned the rest of his shirt. His mind full of you and one thought. The ranch is going to be a good idea.

#ellie williams #joel and reader #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us #tlou series

[yzeltia]

Something Happened in Pelican Town

Chapter 1: The Back Way Home Characters: Acre Stanford(Farmer), Sebastian, Robin Rating: Mature Notes: Sexual Content Pelican Town of Stardew Valley…a quiet seaside Hamlet of not even thirty people. A place where community is everything and everyone does their best to get along. Rich in rural tradition and natural beauty, though not wholey untouched by the modern world.  Thirty people happily living side-by-side…and among them, my beloved grandfather's murderer.

As a kid, I loved coming to my grandfather's farm in the summer. He'd take me fishing and let me feed his animals. On stormy nights we'd sit inside, and he'd tell me ghost stories and the next day we'd pick up branches that had fallen in the orchard. It never felt like work to me when he was around. When I turned sixteen though, we moved across the country and after that, I didn't get to return to the Valley. I kept up with grandfather and a few locals through letters though, mostly Sebastian through email. Those letters though were all I had of Grandfather…and even as my life got busy with college and other things, they never stopped. That is, until I received his final letter in the wake of his death.

My family didn't even get a proper goodbye. The town has taken care of him before the news even reached us. Natural causes we were told, believable given his age. I would have never thought twice if I hadn't taken to rereading his letters in my grief. And his final letter, willing me the farm stood out among all the rest.

You see, my grandfather was a pilot in his youth before he settled down. When I was little I went through a phase of wanting to be just like him when I grew up and played pilot so much he even built me my own fighter out of a log. From that summer on he called me Ace, even long after I moved from that dream. Never in any letter had he called me by my name, Acre, until the last.

I poured over it many times, comparing letter after letter to the last. The handwriting was a good imitation, but more and more little discrepancies stood out. I nearly went mad with my obsession, and finally, I shared it with Seb in an email. Using his sister's connections at the local doctor's, he found no record of autopsy or any previous health records on file for the past year leading up to his death. Despite finding this, I couldn't find a single cop willing to take the case…so I threw myself into getting my P.I. license and bided my time until I could claim my inheritance and find who forged my grandfather's dying words to me and didn't want me to know the truth of his death.

Staring down into the town from the cliffs overlooking the town, I glowered. Happy memories, tainted forever by someone removing the one person that had made it special before his time. As I seethed, the sounds of shouting started to grow louder from the house behind me followed by silence as the door slammed. Turning my head, I watched as a little orange light flickered into existence then bobbed my way, its holder angrily muttering to himself.

"You good Seb," I asked through the dark as the figure drew closer and paused.

"...Acre?"

"Yeah."

Out from the shadows, Sebastian appeared, cigarette falling from his mouth. Eyes wide he stepped in, then embraced me. "Fuck. I thought you'd never come. I thought it was all talk."

"No. I'm here, for now. Figured I'd bring Stanford Farm back up as a cover. You still good on helping me? Think your mom can build a cat door for Pumpkin Spice?"

"With the farm? Or the other thing?"

I looked up at him for a moment. "Well, both if it's in you."

Sebastian's dark eyes seemed to search my face before he leaned in. I tensed up as his smokey lips brushed over mine then fervently locked on to them. As if we were sixteen again, he clumsily pressed me to one of the trees, holding me close. The kiss burned, the taste of tobacco still strong on his tongue. I hated the stench, yet, even when we were younger I didn't mind it secondhand like this.

The angry loner seemed all too eager to pick up where we'd left off. While my heart wasn't in it, I still returned his affection, sliding my arms up over his neck. If only this were enough to take my mind off it all.

Panting, he parted, "I've got my programming. I dunno about farm work, but I promise I'll help you with the other thing. Then we can leave this shit hole and go to the city."

My heart raced as his hand ran up my shirt, soon palming over my chest as he leaned in to kiss my neck. "Seb…"

"I can't stand it here…"

"Seb," I repeated, flushing harder as he brought my leg up between his. 

I tried to gently shake him off, but feeling his impressive length trapped against and the six years of longing rushing in, I felt more mutable about the situation than I would have liked.

"Take me away from here."

His hand dug down the back of my khakis as I finally gave in, arching back and letting out a moan as he dug his teeth into my neck. And then the door in the distance made a familiar slam, causing him to part before the crunching of leaves grew louder.

"Sebby? Sebby please come back inside," a woman's voice called out.

"Just a minute," he called out, voice cracking as he stuffed his hands in his hoodie pouch to pull down over his pants.

"I hope you're not out here smoking. I really wish you'd- Acre!? Acre Stanford? Is that really you?"

"Hello…Mrs. Robin," I answered, tugging my scarf up to hide my neck, no doubt bruised by her son.

"It's been years! Sebby, why didn't you tell us Acre was coming to visit?"

"I wasn't sure he was, for real."

"It's not a visit. I'm taking up the farm."

She moved in and embraced me, "I'm so sorry about your grandfather. He was a good man. A lot of things fell into disrepair after he left. If you need help starting back up I'll give you a good discount. Even more, if you provide the materials."

"Thanks," I responded, tensed up.

I didn't want to believe she of all people could have had something to do with grandfather's death. She was sweet and kind…but my paranoia couldn't exonerate her entirely. She was close to my grandfather. As a carpenter she could stand to gain from the acreage, perhaps waiting all this time to see if I was going to sell the property. All it would have taken was one carefully misplaced joint or loose support beam and she could have easily brought a barn down on top of him.

I clenched my knuckles as she let go, looking away in shame. Without knowing how he died I couldn't afford to write her off, even if in my heart I wanted to believe she was innocent already. 

"Of course! Anyway, I'd love to catch up soon, but it is rather late. Not that Sebby doesn't gush about you living high in the city."

"Mom!"

"It's true honey. Your gloomies fade away when you've got an email from him."

I bit my lip, trying not to laugh as Sebastian huffed off back towards the house. "I'll see you around Acre," he called out, somewhere between embarrassment and anger.

"Oh. I feel like I interrupted something now," Robin sighed, watching her son go, "I'm sorry Acre."

"Please don't worry about it. It's late anyway and happened to be out here when he came stomping through," I assured her. 

So many questions stirred within me, but it was too soon to start asking. If she did know something, leading with his death out the gate might have her, or anyone catches on. I needed to wait for now.

"You should go into town tomorrow and let everyone know you're here. I'm sure the Mayor would be ecstatic to see you. He and your grandfather were very close. And then I'm sure Sebby will have told Sam and Abigail by then.  You four were always getting into so much trouble. And we've gained a few new faces too."

I smiled, closing my eyes and remembering the good times, playing on the beach, or with the farm animals. "I will be sure to stop in and let everyone know I've returned...and I suppose to introduce myself to others. Everyone usually meets at The Stardrop Saloon, right?"

"They do. Well, I should get inside and make sure my husband and Sebby are keeping a wide birth from one another. Have a good night. Remember my offer."

"I will. Good night."

Robin left and headed to the back trail that led to the farm. My stomach twisted once I got far enough away from the house. How was I going to get by, suspicious of everyone I already knew? It would be easier to think it was a stranger, but more likely it was someone that I knew well. 

Six years had passed…but for Sebastian, it was picking up where we left off…and it seemed Robin too held affection for me after all this time. How long would it be until I could breathe easily around them again? The sooner I settled in and established myself, the better.

Suspects: 29

Exonerated: 1

#stardew valley #sebastian #robin #sdv sebastian #sdv grandfather #sdv robin #sdv farmer #sdv #pelican town #something happened in pelican town #mxm romance #murder mystery

[wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i]

currently listening to: river by Leon bridges

ive been thinking about when my oma died a few years ago.

we were at her wake, and my cousin was crying her eyes out. she hadn't helped take care of oma the way i had. sure she'd offer to give my mom and i breaks. and she'd make plans with us where we'd get a weekend to ourselves, free of diaper changes and spoon feeding and telling oma her husband had died sometime in 2004 every few minutes, only to just never show up. she brought a singular craft she made once for oma. she put it on the wall in the dining room but oma never looked at it bc she couldn't walk or really leave her chair most of the time, so it wasn't in her line of sight. something my cousin would have known if she'd been there more.

anyway, she was crying. And she told me that she really regretted not doing more. she told me that she regretted it bc she asked her side of the family about it and they said she deserved to experience life. let somebody else deal with it.

ive been thinking about how as they were saying that, and she was finishing college and coming to town to meet with friends and drink craft beer, i was watching my friends instagram stories of them twerking at dances and drinking and doing all the traditions our weird lil liberal arts college has to offer.

my cousin looked at me v carefully as she told me this little tidbit about her family. bc i think she was waiting for me to yell at her or be angry with her or something. maybe an angry quip would have made her feel better. so she knew she had received punishment for something she knew was cruel but did anyway. it very much felt like i was the priest she was confessing her sins to.

i won't lie. ive never liked her for that reason. for always being the one who takes and takes, but rarely gives. for talking down to me for being younger and taking pride in the fact that she's not like other girls or other millennials, and for forgetting about me when i wasn't cool to her anymore when we were kids. i won't lie and say i didn't want to choke her for that to me while my oma was barely in the ground yet.

i remember staring real hard at the floorboard of the car, and clenching my fists so hard and thinking that she clearly wasn't raised with shame the way i was bc id eat glass before saying something like that out loud. id square dance on nails before publicly admitting that i gave up the last years i had left with my oma bc i wanted to drink craft beer with my friends and forage on farms. but even more so, i don't think id ever have the nerve to look my cousin in the eye and say something like that knowing that bc i wanted to experience life, she had to miss out on the same thing, and be mentally and verbally abused by everyone around her in the process. she must not have been raised with the same shame as me bc i would have kept my mouth shut on that and just ate my fucking food.

i can't blame her for wanting to experience life. but i think about how much i gave up for her to experience what ill never get back, and how she continuously made promises she wouldn't keep and never called on christmas or mother's day and didn't even visit when she was in town unless we begged her to, and i really do wish i had slammed her hair into the car door. (for legal reasons, that's a joke)

i kept my voice level and i nodded toward my cousin, and i said i was sorry she felt that way. and she stared at me. and i stared back very quietly bc if i opened my mouth another time i would have started shouting until she cried.

i told her it was okay. bc at that point, what was the point in telling her that id like to shove her fucking foot beneath the wheel and back over it for living life to the fullest at my expense? was that going to roll back the trauma of having an old nurse yell at me, spy on me, and then tell the neighbors lies about how much of a selfish princess i was? was that going to fix the dilapidated house oma left behind that nobody wanted to help pay for but everyone wanted to decide what to do with? was that going to fix the sleep paralysis i periodically got as a result of being called every week by family members looking to scream at me for how i was doing my job while they sat comfortably in their wingback chairs and eating cheap tv dinners?

no, it would not.

so what was the point in fighting a battle that had already ended?

i think about this moment a lot and how when i was fifteen i sat on my hands when my mother tried to tell me that my sister was just looking out for me when she told me gay people ruin the sanctity of marriage or how i felt so bad for making a girl who fucked me over a hundred times by continuously lying to me cry when she tried to apologize for what she did (i asked her if she thought if i threw my fork far enough, she'd get the hint to go fetch it like a dog and leave me the fuck alone) or how my dad used to ignore me for weeks on end if i stood up for myself and how my mother would beg me to just apologize and my brother would beg me to just not argue back so he wouldn't get so mad and how i was taught that standing up for yourself is tantamount to sin

i think about how often i stop and reword things to spare others feelings or warn them to make sure they know when i may struggle with this or how often i bite my tongue and sit on my hands or how I'd scream strings of course words into my pillows as a kid when i was angry

i think a lot about how my parents justified my dad threatening me with a thick leather belt the day my nephew and i decided to pour all my things out onto the floor of my bedroom to see if we could cover the floor with my stuff. we were four and six, and i remember being cornered against a wall, hugging him close an sobbing that we were sorry until my dad threw the belt down and shouted at us to clean it up in an hour or he'd give us a reason to cry.

i think about these memories often and i think about how they shaped me into a person who doesn't say a word when she is hurting. i think about how these experiences created a girl who just sets her things down calmly, walks out the back door and never returns. who would rather disappear than defend herself. who has nightmares about her tongue swelling up for days when she wants so badly to defend herself, but can't.

i don't have enough years of insurance left for the amount of therapy i need to fix this about myself.

[casspurrjoybell-23]

LOST and FOUND - Chapter 7 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

I unlocked the door to the bookstore for the first time since Harrison had died.

I slowly walked into the dark store and went searching for the light switch.

I hadn't been here in a long time but I remembered where everything was from being here countless times in the last seven years.

I went behind the front counter and flipped the switch.

The whole room lit up, showing the full bookshelves and empty tables.

Everything looked to have a layer of dust on it and I was ashamed that I had let the store that Harrison loved sit in this state.

The store had been his pride and joy.

It had been called Harrison's Books for as long as he'd had it... until we got together.

He'd surprised me by having the name changed on our anniversary.

It was a big deal because usually he wouldn't spend money on something like that when he had a perfectly good sign before but he'd blindfolded me and brought me to the outside of the shop to show me the new sign.

I pretended to be a little annoyed with him at first because that was the only way I knew how to hide my embarrassment that he had gone through all that trouble just for me.

He'd seen right through me though because of my red cheeks.

So for the last six years it had been Beau's Books.

I hated passing by the bookstore when I was going around town because it was not only a reminder of Harrison but also of how he had loved me so much that he changed the name of his store for me.

I looked around the store and within a few seconds some tears started trickling down my cheeks.

I was getting really tired of crying.

I sighed and sat down in the chair that was set up at the front counter.

I put my head in my hands and tried to get myself under control.

I felt like the presence of Harrison was everywhere here.

This had been his whole life, it had been practically his whole being.

The store meant everything to him and I had let it gather dust for months.

I wanted to run outside and never come back but at the same, I wanted to stay and bask in the feeling of being close to Harrison once again.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to think of one of the happiest moments with him.

********

I sat on the couch, my legs bouncing up and down anxiously.

I turned around to peek through the blinds every couple seconds but Harrison still wasn't home.

My cell-phone sat quiet on the coffee table even though I had called him twenty times now and called the store ten times.

I chewed on my lip and checked the time on my phone.

He should have been home hours ago.

I wondered if I should call the police.

It wasn't like Harrison to do this.

I had been living with him for three months now, after it just became too much for me to travel all the way here every weekend to be with him.

We'd only been dating for a month before I moved in but it didn't feel too fast to either of us.

My parents had both been against it because they thought Harrison was too old for me but after just a few weeks of dating him I knew we fit together like two puzzle pieces.

Harrison would never want me to say something so cheesy but that's the way I felt.

And coming home late just wasn't like him.

Sometimes I went to the bookstore with him and sometimes I stayed home with Sherlock.

But today I had a few surprises planned and wanted to stay home to get them ready.

I had no clue where he was though.

Tears started pouring down my face because I didn't know what to do.

Harrison would have known what to do in a situation like this.

He would know whether or not to call the police.

I heard the door unlocking and gasped, trying to get my breathing under control.

Harrison walked in and stopped with one hand on the door when he saw me in tears on the couch.

"Where have you been?" I screamed, fists hitting the couch cushions.

He dropped his keys in the dish by the door and closed the door behind him.

"Beau..."

"Where? What have you been doing? Fucking some other boy? Huh?"

He slowly came over and kneeled in front of me, hands on my knees.

"Sweetheart, breath. It's alright."

I shook my head, snot dripping onto my lips which I frantically wiped away with my sleeve.

"It's not alright. I've been calling you. Your phone was turned off. Why? Why?"

"Shh."

He rubbed his hands back and forth on my thighs.

I tried to calm down and frantically wiped my face.

I knew Harrison didn't like when I acted like this but he was being much calmer than he usually was when I had an 'immature outburst'.

Normally he would have already had me bent over his knees by now.

I was about to ask where he had been again but calmer this time, when he began talking.

"Today's my birthday. I'm...fifty," he said, not looking me in the eyes.

"I know." I sniffled. "I baked you a cake."

He looked up with a curious expression.

"You did?"

"It's probably not very good," I admitted.

"I'm sure it'll be great," he said with a slight smile.

"Don't lie," I said, giggling and he smiled wider.

"Alright. It'll probably taste horrible but I'm going to eat it anyways."

A grin split my face and I touched his cheek lightly.

My expression became serious again and I said...

"You still didn't tell me where you've been."

He sighed.

"I took the day off. I went around town and just...thought about stuff, the last fifty years of my life."

He ran a hand through his graying hair.

"Today it really sank in how much older I am than you and it... scared me."

"Scared you?" I asked quietly and he nodded.

"You mean so much to me, Beau but I'm worried that you're wasting the best years of your life with me. You don't get to mess around and go to parties, be a kid. There's guys out there that are your age that you could fall in love with, get married to and have kids with. You know I don't want to get married and you know I don't want kids. I feel like I'm holding you back."

Tears had started to fall again as I heard his words and looked at his serious expression.

"Are you breaking up with me?" I whimpered and his mouth fell open.

"No, sweetheart, no."

He rubbed my knee soothingly.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't see why you're wasting your time with an old guy like me."

I scowled and punched his shoulder.

"Don't say that. I'm not wasting my time. I don't want a guy my age. I don't care about getting married or having kids. I just want to be with you. I love you."

"You do?" he asked with a surprised expression.

"Yes, you idiot," I exclaimed.

"I love you too," he admitted.

I leaned forward and kissed him hard on the lips.

I pulled away and gave him my most serious expression.

"Don't do that again, okay? I was worried sick. I thought you were dead in a ditch somewhere."

He chuckled and got up to sit on the couch next to me.

"You're not getting rid of me that easily."

I crawled into his lap and huffed.

"I'm never getting rid of you. You're stuck with me."

"Good. Because you're stuck with me."

He kissed the top of my head and wrapped his arms around me.

Later we ate the cake I made and it was just as terrible as we both predicted but like he said he would, Harrison ate it, anyway.

I vowed to never make a cake again though and he agreed to splurge and only buy them from now on.

We made love and the whole awful day was forgotten.

Everything was perfect.

I was with my soulmate and I had no intention of ever letting him go.

[just-some-sad-kiddo]

Tony screamed at me today.

We were having burgers for dinner and, as usual, there was a limited supply of food because apparently we'd be on our way to the poor house otherwise.

Everyone ate a burger except Charlotte because Charlotte was at a friends house. So Tony has to call up Princess Charlotte and ask her if she is going to come home and eat. She says no. So Tony offers up the burger to Oliver, even though I had asked for it first.

Oliver ate three burgers, by the way. Everyone else had one.

I thought about not saying anything. If I hadn't, none of this would've happened.

But I told mom that I was disappointed that Tony had offered the burger to Oliver. She said that Oliver didn't know I wanted it, and I said that I knew that. I was upset because Tony did know that I wanted it.

After I said that, Tony just started screaming at me that I was disrespectful, that he does everything he can to help me, and whatever else. I was so confused. It literally came out of nowhere.

So I put on my shoes and left. All I said was "you would never talk to Charlotte this way."

I sat at the park for about an hour and went to the Golden Cottage because I'd left my headphones there the night before and needed to pick them up anyway.

I cried, knowing that in this small ass town I had nowhere to go anyway and in that house I barely felt like I lived I still had nowhere I could be alone.

Mom came in to talk to me and said that Tony was sorry that he yelled at me but not sorry for feeling disrespected.

Well, tough shit. I felt disrespected when you offered Oliver that stupid fucking hamburger.

I can't wait to not rely on anyone. Relying on people just means that they have something they can used against you. Tonight just taught me that every time Tony does something "nice" for me, it's really just so he can hold it against me later.

#easybreezy

[theinfamousdoctorf]

Story Time

2/3

Frustrated, I went outside to get more of my things from the car. When I went to open the trunk I realized that the trunk lock was broken. It was as if someone had jammed a screwdriver into the keyhole and hit it with a hammer. Eventually I realized I could drop the back seat and shimmy into the hole to pull out our bags. I hauled our packs inside just as it got fully dark.

Sitting in the living room I watched her rehang her things and sit down to talk. It wasn't long before we started to hear it. It sounded like people talking outside. Several different voices muttering. We went to doors and windows and looked and listened, but the voices would cease as soon as any of us looked or came out. Tim made phone-calls for the other two pagans to meet us in the morning with plans to lay a circle around the house and lean-to shed and banish anything bad inside of it. I had no idea how long we'd be gone and I foolishly assumed that we might at least get a little food and drink for our services since Tim was supposedly a friend. This was not to be. I spent the entire night sitting on her couch listening to her ramble with Gemini while the voices outside chipped away at my sanity. In the morning I elected to go for a scouting walk while we waited for the others. There was no sign of other cars or anyone having been outside the previous night apart from the broken lock. As we walked in the woods I found a set of small tracks that I assumed were from a deer. Dainty cloven hooves. Curiously I followed them and found the remnants of a wall or foundation partly buried and all overgrown with trees several feet thick. Just beyond was a patch of pristine mud like a dried pond at least 30 feet across. The tracks were more distinct in the mud as a single pair of hooves. They went to the dead center of this patch and stopped. There was nothing leading away, no place to jump. As if a satyr had trotted to the center and just vanished on the spot. Gemini decided we were being 'fucked with' and suggested we head back.

When we returned the other two witches were waiting for us. A gal with colorful hair and a slim fellow who was certainly the only gay in town. At this point I was feeling rather unwell because I hadn't had anything to eat in at least 12 hours. The girl gave me some granola and a can of soda and they both remarked on the old ladies callousness in never asking if we needed anything or even leaving us alone to get some rest on the couch. [Presumably why these two didn't attempt to help since Tim was their friend too.]

They explained to us that it's not her house that's haunted, it's the surrounding woods. So at this point I know that anything we do will be futile. Because you can clear entities from a house, but if you don't make an effort to maintain a spiritual barricade, they just come right back in later when it gets weak from neglect. But we'd come all this way, and we decided to make a group effort all the same. It also gave me a chance to run an experiment I brought with me. It is possible to trap energy in a crystal. I wanted to see if it was possible to bind an entity to one if it was in a state where it was not touching skin when handled or anything conductive to such vibrations [metal, wood or other crystals]. It was essentially a small glass jar with a fat cork in the top. Inside of it was a quartz crystal tied with string. It was suspended from an eye-hook on the underside of the cork like a pendulum, not touching the inside at all. I took a large jar I'd mixed up and walked a circle around the perimeter, sprinkling a line behind me. It was kosher and regular salt, shredded 'paper' from garlic, St. John's wort, black salt, and several strong smelling oil-blends specifically for protection. ['Fiery Wall of Protection' is really good if you can find it.] There was a distinct charge in the air by the time I was done and headed back to where Gemini was setting up a small altar. The grandmother had started asking some rather pointed questions about our religious beliefs in my absence and was now mad at Tim. While this was going on I spotted something that scared me quite badly. In a clump of bushes less then 100 yards away I could see a pair of red eyes looking at me. They were distinctly glowing. Unblinking. Inside a long evening shadow from the foliage, not much higher then my waist. I was frozen with fear. Gemini noticed I was not moving and he saw them too. After a moment he took a few steps in their direction. They blinked once and vanished. He got to the spot and poked around. There was nothing there. Just some chest high bushes with clear mowed ground behind them.

2/3

#personal

[neonominous]

Polyamory Tales #2: In Which I Obtain a Cat

Continuing in the same vein as my last post about my shitpost of a life, I have returned to provide y'all with another Bullshit True Life Story about why I have my cat. It involves a failed rescue attempt, the American state of Kentucky, and intense, prolonged sleep deprivation.

So, I wanted to get my year-old orange kitty, Dream, from my best friend's place in Texas after having to fuck off under cover of darkness to Philadelphia the previous year to escape the clutches of my abusive mother. At that point, it was too hot in Texas to have him shipped to me on a plane, and there was no other way to come and collect him shy of driving there to pick him up, so I asked my friend here in Wisconsin if they'd be willing to drive me to go collect him. We'll call my friend Madison.

Now, Madison was known for going ALL OUT on road trips and so they asked me if there was anyone I wanted to see on the way down to Texas. I had a list of people I wanted to see and confirmed the details with those people as best as I knew how to. One of those people was my partner in Kentucky. We'll call him KFC.

We'd stopped in Cleveland, Ohio the night before to visit my adoptive mom, and we were starting to head south in the vague direction of the national park where Madison wanted to camp because KFC hadn't given me an address yet, just a town name. So I began poking him repeatedly for that address midway through Ohio. Here's the thing, though. When I'm not around people I am familiar with, I find it very, very difficult to sleep. So before we even embarked on the journey out of Cleveland, I was running on what was basically two days without sleep. By the time we crossed into Kentucky, I had at long last received an address from KFC AND was so tired that I was essentially tripping balls from sleep deprivation. I was on a complete and total other plane of existence, to the point where I should NOT have been trusted with any form of logistical anything.

When we were about three hours outside of the tiny town where KFC lived, it became very apparent to me that I was no longer in my element as a trans man. This wasn't just any ordinary place in rural America, this was Appalachia rural America. Anything could happen to us out there and in most cases, we'd be critically fucked. So when we got near the address KFC gave us and we couldn't find it, we began to worry that KFC had stood me up. I hatched a crackpot plan to call the girlfriend I live with - who we shall call Beany - and have her call KFC to let him know that we were there because we weren't getting any fucking cell service out there.

The plan worked, by some miracle, and KFC came screaming down the hill on a four wheeler like a hillbilly knight in shining armor. He took us up to the shed he used as a home office, and he met Madison, who by that point was very skeptical of this entire plan. Madison left us shortly afterwards to go exploring and ultimately make camp, leaving me to my own sleep deprived devices with KFC.

KFC and I got along like a house on fire, even better in person than we did virtually. We eventually wandered down the hill to the main house so that I could go meet KFC's mother.

It was apparent to my peabrain that KFC was absolutely both from and of Appalachia at this point. He is highly intelligent, but moves slowly in the way people from there do, which explains why he took his time getting back to both Beany and myself. KFC's mother was even more Appalachian than he was, and it really, really showed. This lady was about two thirds as tall as me, frail, missing half her teeth, and had an accent so rural it made MY accent sound Texan as a response. I had no idea how she was even alive at that point, and she was clearly not of this realm. I loved her immediately, even though I was also terrified of her.

KFC was not out to his mother, nor did he tell her I am transgender, as far as I was aware. So when I met her, I took one glance at the shotguns on the wall and the little woman with very keen eyes sitting before me smoking like a chimney, and prayed to whatever forgotten gods ran this place that I could somehow sweet talk this obvious elder goddess into not destroying me that night.

And my charisma bid succeeded. I charmed her, and I charmed her so thoroughly that had I been given more time there, she may have disowned KFC and adopted me in his stead, in much the same way Darius III's mother disowned Darius and adopted Alexander the Great following Darius' defeat at the Battle of Gaugamela. I did all of this while having barely slept for three days.

Madison was less enthused. Far less enthused, in fact.

Their camping trip went awry. They barely slept at all, there was an incident with a bear, and when I finally discovered that they had come to collect me the following day, they'd been waiting for thirty minutes before I came outside.

When no one else we'd planned to see had their shit together, we decided to head back to Wisconsin that day rather than pressing onward to Texas.

When I got back to where I lived, Beany and I quickly determined that there was no way Dream would be able to get here, and my best friend ultimately had to surrender him to an animal shelter. So Beany and I put our heads together and she told me we could get a new cat for my birthday, which was coming up in about two weeks. I joined a cat rehoming group and began to wait to see if any promising cats arrived. A few days before my birthday, I set eyes upon the cat who would eventually become MY cat. She was a small tuxedo cat, about seven months old, and I knew immediately that she was an absolutely perfect tiny terror of a thing.

Beany gave me the all clear and I picked her up the day before my birthday and named her Artemisia. She is chaos. Complete and utter fucking chaos, perfectly befitting her batshit insane origin story.

#polyamory #polyam #cat #my familiar #true stories #storytelling #appalachia #kentucky

[blueeyedgeorgie]

Wide Awake-Dream Was Taken

A/N: Here’s Pt. 2 bitches. I hope you all enjoy ! Also, please go support and follow @notphilosopherstudentblog​ because she helped me out with this because she’s so intelligent. <3

Btw Title is based off Katy Perry’s song Wide Awake

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 3.5k+

_________

It was early. Too early for Y/n to be crying. But her she was, sitting in bed, clinging to one of Clay's old shirts. In the past, it was normal for her to steal a couple of his belongings. It was typical of Y/n to invite herself into his closet, taking whatever she wanted to wear, whenever she wanted. But now it just felt wrong.

There were only a few items left Y/n had that were his. She never washed this shirt, she had only worn it once. She could still remember the day she stole it.

"Y/n, you've got to be kidding," Clay turned in his desk chair. She had just walked out of his closet wearing an oversized grey t-shirt. "You're seriously going to leave me with five pieces of clothing."

She shot him a playful look, taking a moment to admire herself in the nearest mirror. "I'm sorry Mr. 15 million subscribers. You can always buy more clothes with all that money."

"Fine... it looks better on you anyway."

She had spent the rest of the day in his shirt. And by the end of the day, the scent of his laundry detergent was strong. For an odd reason, the t-shirt had spent weeks in the back of Y/n's closet, untouched. At least, until this morning.

All night she was toss and turning. It seemed impossible for her to get a moment of sleep, her mind had been racing. The only reason she wasn't able to sleep was because of one person; Clay. Their fight had played over and over again in her mind.

'But Y/n, I really do love you.'

There were so many different ways the night could've ended. But it was her fault it ended how it did. If only she hadn't asked for him to step out of the stupid restaurant with her. She didn't need to make a scene, but she still did. This was all her fault.

The sound of her phone buzzing had pulled Y/n away from the piece of fabric in her hands. Looking down at her nightstand, she glanced at the electronic. Wilbur was calling. With a sigh, hesitantly she reached for the phone.

"Hey, Y/n."

"Morning, Wilbur."

The brunette bit his lip at the sound of her voice. He could tell she had a rough night. "Are you doing alright?"

"I'm..." she paused, looking down at the shirt in her lap. "Yeah, I'm doing better."

"That's good to hear," For some odd reason, he was pacing. It wasn't normal for him to pace back and forth. He was already dressed for the day, wearing a set of brown pants with a creme button-up shirt. A pair of glasses rested on his face as he spoke. "George and I were hoping to go get some breakfast. Do you think you could show us somewhere good?"

"Yeah, I'm up for breakfast. What about Nick and Clay?" If Clay was coming, she didn't know what she'd do. There would be tension, but maybe she could find a way to patch everything up between them.

"Nick's going over to Clay's. They wanna have a bit of time together."

"Oh, okay... when do you guys wanna meet up?"

"Maybe 30 minutes to an hour?"

"An hour it is."

Before preparing to go out, Y/n had texted Wilbur a location point to meet up. It was a nice restaurant located in town, it had always been one of her favorite places to eat. George and Wilbur had gotten a table outside, it was nice out for a day in Flordia.

"Do you think she's gonna do it?"

Wilbur glanced across the table to George, "Honestly, probably not." He let out a sigh, " hope she agrees. I really do. But it's gonna be hard for her to let go. I just think it'd be better if they got some time away from each other."

"You're right. As good of friends they are, they need a break from each other." They both knew it wasn't a good idea for Y/n to stay in Flordia at the moment, she needed a moment away from Clay. So Wilbur had come up with an idea to get Y/n to take a break.

"What do you think of Elise?" Changing the subject, George leaned back in his chair. It was rare for Clay's girlfriend to come up in conversation. She seemed like such a touchy subject in the group. She was definitely a sweetheart, but it seemed like she appeared out of nowhere. The group had been planning future Dream SMP roleplay on a Discord call. It had been so brief when Clay mentioned her. 'Hey guys, I just wanted to mention I started dating somebody.' It was smart of George to hold his tongue because of what else Clay had to say. 'Her name is Elise and she's 19.'

Most of the group had expected Clay and Y/n to end up together. They were best friends who lived in the same town. There was constant flirting going on between them. And not to mention Y/n had always been there to support Clay through the bad and good.

"Hey, guys!"

Both of the British men were pulled out of their thoughts by the sound of her voice. Y/n was quick to take a seat by Wilbur. "Have we ordered yet?"

"No actually, we've been waiting for you." George fixed his posture, his classic grin appeared on his face. "Got any recommendations for drinks?"

"My go-to has to be a mimosa and the eggs benedict."

The knock came as a surprise, but there were a lot of surprises happening this morning. Clay had woken up earlier than usual. Naturally, he'd get up around 9 or 10, but today he woke at 7. He couldn't go to bed for a few more hours, his mind wouldn't quit racing with thoughts. He had ended up skipping breakfast, he wasn't hungry today. It was normal for him to eat something, he always woke up starved. The early knock was the cherry on top of the cake of the surprises happening today.

"Hey Nick, what are you doing here?" Clay glanced behind his friend, looking for any sign of the rest of his friends. Originally, they had planned to meet up later that afternoon at his place. "I thought you were coming by at noon?"

Nick stood on the porch, burying his hands into the pockets of his jeans. It was early in the morning, yet it was already warm outside. "Yeah, sorry I didn't ask if I could come by earlier. I just wanted some time alone with you."

"Cool, make yourself at home," Stepping aside, the blonde opened the door a bit wider for his friend. "Sorry it's a bit messy, I was planning to clean up before you guys showed up."

The pair had made their way to Clay's living room. It was nice, but still a bit messy just as he said. As the blonde began to pick up after himself, the pair had a bit of small banter.

"Is Elise gonna come by this afternoon?" Nick watched as Clay picked up a couple of items sitting on the coffee table.

"Uh, no. I think she had work today."

"Oh, what about Y/n?"

Clay tensed, pausing for a second. She had been on his mind a lot since the last time he saw her. The way she looked at him... it hurt. It felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. This morning she was all he could think of. He missed her good morning texts, the way she'd update him about little situations happening in her schedule, when she would randomly face time him just to say: 'I wanted to see your stupid face because I missed it.'

"I... she's not coming."

"Why's that?"

"You know why, Nick." Clay let out a sigh, taking a seat on the couch. He didn't know what he could do, he was the one who messed everything up. If he tried to apologize, he might even piss Y/n off even more. She had always been a hardass about being hurt or betrayed, it was hard for her to give people a second chance. "I don't even think she knows we're all planning to meet up later today."

"Dude... it's weird seeing you two like this. It feels wrong." The two friends looked at one another, it seemed like Nick could tell exactly what Clay was thinking. 'It is wrong.'

"I miss her. But I was also the one who fucked everything up by ignoring her for weeks."

"Why'd you even do that?"

"Because I fell in love with her. I was scared she didn't feel the same. So I distanced myself and looked for someone to start a relationship with.  That's why I met Elise."

"Clay... you're an idiot."

"I know."

Turning, Wilbur looked at Y/n. She was halfway finished with her meal. Everything was going great, she seemed so happy just to be able to talk with two friends. It seemed like the best time to spring the idea on her.

"Hey, Y/n?"

"Yes, Wilbur?"

He bit his lip, glancing at the man sitting on the other side of the table. George gave a brief nod, knowing what was going to happen next. "George and I had an idea we'd like to share with you."

"What is it?"

"You know how you've been talking about how you've always wanted to visit us in London?"

"Yeah..."

Wilbur paused, looking back at George for a second. "Well, we were thinking... I have a free room in my place. Why don't you spend one of two months with me just to see how you like London?"

Y/n's face lit up. "That sounds great, Wilbur. I... wow. That sounds so fun!" She paused, her smile disappeared. "But what about my house? I can't just abandon it for a month."

Wilbur bit his lip, 'Shit.'

"Clay can stop by once a week, just to make sure everything's fine. I'm positive he'll do it for you," George was quick to jump into the conversation. As soon as he mentioned Clay, Wilbur shot him a look. Y/n tensed at the sound of his name.

"Listen Y/n, you don't have to do it. Just keep the idea in mind, you can give me an answer before George and I leave."

"Okay..." Y/n bit her lip, looking at her food. She knew the only right answer was yes, but it was going to be hard to talk to Clay about this. "I think... I think I wanna do this. I wanna go with you guys."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, but... just give me some time to think it over."

"We're always here for you, Y/n. No pressure." Wilbur placed a hand on Y/n's. He wanted her to come to London, everything would be better. He cared a lot about Y/n, he really did. He just wanted to see her happy.

"I just want her to be happy," Clay let out a sigh, opening the refrigerator door. His eyes skimmed over what there was, he had gone grocery shopping the other day to plan for today. He still wasn't hungry.

"Everything's gonna get-" Nick paused, he was interrupted by the sound of Clay's phone ringing. There was a moment of silence as the blonde closed the refrigerator, approaching his phone on the kitchen counter.

"It's Y/n."

"What?"

"Do I pick it up?" Clay glanced at his friend.

"yes, yes, yes! Do it!"

Clay was quick to pick up the phone, putting it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, Clay."

"Hey, Y/n."

"Do you..." she paused, "Do you have a moment to talk?"

"Yeah, I can talk." Clay leaned against the counter, listening to her intently. It had only been a few days, but he missed her voice. He could tell she was down.

"I know this seems like the wrong time to be asking for favors and everything, considering everything that has happened this last week. But... I need your help with something." She paused again. He could tell she was hesitating, as though something was keeping her back. "I think I'm gonna be gone for a while. And I just need someone to check up with my house every couple of days. Could you do that? It's fine if you don't want to, it was a stupid idea of me to ask you anyways-"

"No, yeah. Of course, I'll check up on your house for you, Y/n." He was quick to cut her off. The last thing he wanted was for her to think she couldn't turn to him for help anymore. "And it's not stupid of you to ask me. I'll always be here if you need something or need help."

She scoffed, "You weren't there for me these past few weeks." She stopped herself again for the third time. "I'm sorry, that was really bitchy of me."

"I deserved it," he could only chuckle. Y/n was still herself. "But yeah, is there anything else you need... or want to talk about?"

"I... no. No, that's it. I guess I'll talk to you... eventually."

"Alright," Clay fought back the urge to let out a disappointed sigh. "I'll see you." Without saying goodbye, she hung up the phone. He didn't know what to expect next, he wasn't even sure whether this was a step in the right direction or not.

Staring at the box, Y/n felt herself tear up for the hundredth time this week. This was going to be a hard task to complete, but it was going to help her let go.

Walking around the house, Y/n picked up item by item. Anything that belonged to Clay was going in the box.  A few t-shirts, a couple of CDs she stole, one of his coffee cups. Y/n wasn't even sure how the cup had gotten to her house, but she knew it belonged to Clay. All of her coffee cups matched, all the same color and shape. But... this one cup had shown up in her pantry one day. Every time Clay had spent the night, he'd start the morning off with a cup of coffee, only using that cup.

At this point, Y/n was picking up items that held too strong memories of him. The box had quickly filled, it felt strange. It seemed like she had just lost a chunk of her house. Of her life. This needed to happen. This was the only way they'd be able to keep their friendship.

Y/n had agreed to come to London with Wilbur, she was finally fully on board. Two suitcases sat by her front door as she waited for Wilbur and George to arrive. She would only be in Florida for a few more hours, she needed to give this box back to him. Maybe she could just say screw it, leave it here under her bed, hidden away. So when she'd return she'd be comforted by his shirts and hoodies, she'd listen to his songs and cry.

No. She couldn't do that. If she did that she wouldn't be letting go of everything. Y/n needed closure, it'd be the best for them both and she knew it. Pulling her out of her thoughts, Y/n heard a knock on her door. It was time.

"Morning, Y/n."

"Morning, Wilbur." Y/n smiled, embracing her friend in a hug as soon as she opened the door.

"George is in the car. We got coffee too." Wilbur looked down at her, his arms still wrapped around her waist, holding her close. "You're positive you want to do this?"

"Yes, I need to."

"Alright, then. I'll support you with whatever decision you make." He finally stepped aside, moving to grab her suitcases. Y/n grabbed the box, she had moved it into the hallway before greeting Wilbur. With one more glance, she looked down her hallway before closing the door. As soon as her home was locked up, Y/n had dropped her keys into the box. This was going to be the final step before London. Giving it all back.

George and Y/n greeted each other, Y/n giving him a quick hug before entering the car. The rest of the time, the car ride was quiet. There was obviously going to be tension. On their way, Y/n kept thinking to herself about what she was going to say. What if she fucked it all up? What if they broke out into another fight?

"Here we are."

Y/n sucked in a breath, looking over at the familiar house. This was the final step.

"Y/n, do you need either of us to walk up with you?" Wilbur spoke, he noticed the way she looked at the house.

She shook her head. "No, I got this..." Stepping out of the car, there were only a few words she'd repeat to herself. 'This is the final step. This is the final step. This is the final step.' It felt like it took forever for her to reach his porch.

As soon as she was face to face with the wooden door, she was quick to hit the doorbell. She just wanted to get this over with, fast. A few moments passed, and just as she reached to hit the doorbell again, she stepped back. The door was opening.

"Y/n?" Clay yawned, his hair was a mess. It was obvious she had just woken him up. "What are you-"

"It's time for me to go now. I'm sorry for waking you up. Here are my keys and a few of your items in case you wanted them while I was-"

"Woah, woah, woah." He interrupted her, rubbing his eyes. "Slow down, you're talking fast. You're leaving? Right now?"

"I..." she sighed. "Yeah, I am."

"And this..." he looked down at the box in her hands. "They're all mine?"

"Yeah, that's kinda the whole point." She gave him a look, "Considering the box says your name."

"Alright... thank you," he nodded, carefully picking the box up from her. "How long are you gonna be gone?"

"I'm not sure. I just know I have to go."

"Why?"

"Because of us, Clay. It'd be better for both of us. We need time apart. We have so much going on in each other's lives. I just need a break."

He watched her, she looked close to tears. Without thinking, Clay pulled his friend into his embrace, holding her close. "I understand. Take as much time as you need. I'll be here."

"Thank you."

The hug was short, Y/n was the first to pull away. As soon as it was over, she muttered a quick goodbye, hurrying back to the car. When the car door shut, Wilbur was quick to jump to asking questions.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything? You're completely sure you want to do this?"

"I'm fine, Wilbur."

"Alright, I just wanted to check." Wilbur paused, looking out the window. "Y/n, would you mind if George and I said our goodbyes to Clay?"

"Go ahead, I'm not the boss of you."

Sitting in the car alone, Y/n got a moment to catch her breath and stop the tears from forming. She did it. She completed the final step. She could do whatever she wanted now. The moment alone in the car felt short, George and Wilbur were back in the car in what felt like seconds. Only, Wilbur sat in the back with Y/n, George driving by himself.

"You ready, Y/n?"

"More than anything." Y/n looked at Wilbur, the way he smiled at her just felt... good. Looking down, she noticed Wilbur gently grabbing her hand in his. She smiled, things were going to start getting good for her, she knew it.

"Wow okay, now I just feel like a driver for you two." George shot a dirty look in the mirror.

"A bad driver," Y/n grinned at her friend. "Start moving, Mr. colorblind." "If I get a ticket for running a red light, I'm blaming you."

With a yawn, Y/n opened her eyes. She had another good night of sleep, it had been weeks since she had a bad night of sleep. For eight months, she had lived in London. At this point, her house in Flordia was sold to a family of three, and she was no longer flatmates with Wilbur. Instead, she was his girlfriend.

Turning over, she faced the beautiful brunette. He was still asleep. She owed him everything. She was now an influencer because of him, he had helped her set up her YouTube channel and introduced her to the fans. He thought it'd be a good job for her, considering how she was a social butterfly and carry conversations.

Clay and Y/n didn't interact as much as they use to. They'd interact on the Dream SMP and over social media. But it was rare for them to speak in private. The only way their relationship got better was by them distancing themselves. What was a beautiful friendship had turned into an acquaintanceship. Clay was still dating Elise, but it seemed like things weren't going the best and there were signs of him planning to break up with her soon.

Wilbur peeked an eye open, looking at his girlfriend. "Morning, Y/n."

"Morning, Wilbur."

Y/n smiled, she knew she was right. Everything got better for her. After all, When the rain ends, there will always be a rainbow.

#mcyt youtubers #mcyt #mcyt imagine #mcyt x reader #mcyt fanfiction #mcyt oneshots #x reader #dreamwastaken oneshot #dreamwastaken fanfic #dreamwastaken imagine #dreamwastaken x reader #dreamwastaken #dream was taken #dream was taken fanfic #dream was taken one shot #dream was taken imagine #dream was taken x reader #dream smp #dream smp x reader #dream smp imagine #dream smp fanfiction #dream smp oneshot

[starlessskies94]

Consequence (Joel Miller x OC)

Summary: What if Joel survived his injuries from the Abby and Fireflies attack but ends up with really bad amnesia. He can’t remember his wife, Ellie, or the Outbreak; only before. How will his family bring back the man they once knew?

Pairing: Joel Miller x OC

Notes: I wanted to apologise for a stupid mistake I made in the last chapter, I mentioned that Ada fixed Joel's injury with no medical knowledge; only to remember weeks later that she's a vet as part of her character skills and I completely overlooked it while writing the last chapter so I'm sorry for that. And sorry to my lovely Adaline; because it makes total sense that she would be able to tend to his wound rather easily so I hope that doesn't spoil that last flashback too much my bad hehe

Also I apologise that it's been a while since my last chapter, I'm not going to lie this one has been a bitch to write and I'm still not 100% happy with it so I just sincerely hope it doesn't disappoint.

Chapter Twelve

Ada didn't remember falling asleep. But she certainly felt it when she woke up. Her joints cracking and popping from the curled up position she was laid in all night. Everything ached from her shoulders, to her back and her toes.

The last of her dreams faded as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. A quick glance at the clock telling her that she had slept through the better part of a day and half and although she had slept; she didn't feel rested in the slightest. The memories came flooding back, bringing with it that weight that pushed against her chest so tightly until she could barely breathe. Everything that had happened the day before felt like a bad nightmare, where her fears and worries had all come true. Joel hated her. Had more or less disowned her and Ellie. And it was her fault. The sadness and the tears were gone leaving her numb. All she had left was anger.

Yes she had made the wrong call leaving Joel as she had but it was Tommy who had thrown her under the bus. Not giving her the time she had needed to explain. It had all happened so quickly it had made her head spin. It wasn't fair.

There was no logic or reason in leaving her home and storming through the town to find her brother in law. There was no reason to slug the poor man in the face with a swift right hook either but that still didn't stop Ada from doing it away when she saw him.

The world only came back into focus when Maria had restrained her; her vision finally clearing to see Tommy holding his bloody nose.

"What the hell do you think you're doing Ada?!" Maria cried in shocked anger. "What has gotten into you?!"

"Let me go, Maria!"

"Not until you tell me what's going on!" The blonde demanded, holding Ada's arms behind her back: her grip getting tighter the more she struggled. Tommy stumbled forward still holding his nose, spitting a mouthful of blood by his feet before looking up at his wife.

"Maria it's okay...let her go." He asked woefully. Maria just scoffed in disbelief at his request, as if it was the most crazy thing in the world. She attempted to argue but the younger Miller just waved a dismissive hand at her words; his other pinching the bridge of his nose in a bid to stop the bleeding, that was now staining it's way down the front of his shirt. The townspeople were beginning to gather, a rumble of murmurs breaking out amongst the crowd at the sight of their leader being injured by one of their own.

That still didn't stop Ada from taking another swing at Tommy. Only this one didn't make contact as Maria stopped her, twisting her arm and pinning it to her back again.

"That is enough!" She roared, staring down both her husband and her sister in law. "Now you two had better tell what in the hell is going on!"

Tommy winced against the pain shooting through his nose and jaw; turning to look at the crowd staring with wide eyes. His own falling to the floor, not quite able to look at both women in front of him.

"Maybe we'd better go inside to talk." He suggested quietly; making his way back towards his home with Ada and Maria following behind. The brunette struggled her way out of Maria's grip and reluctantly she gave in and let go; turning on her heel and barking orders at the crowd to disperse and get back to whatever it was they were doing before. They did eventually albeit hesitantly. Ada glanced over her shoulder and watched them go as she made her way towards Tommy's; her brain quickly catching up with her actions. God... what they must think of her now. She was just grateful Ellie hadn't seen it; just as grateful as she was that the teen had chosen to stay with Dina the day before. Heaven only knew what she would've thought had she heard Joel's cold words when he'd left. She tried not to think about it as she looked down at her shaking hands; her right now turning red and swelling slightly. The shame engulfed her almost as rapidly as the anger had. And now she had to face the consequences of that anger.

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"...And after that he just left? You didn't even try to stop him?" Maria asked sadly as she poured Ada another whisky into her glass. She didn't waste any time downing the brown liquid as quickly as she did her first; coughing slightly as it burned her throat.

"What would've been the point? I tried to explain things and he made it perfectly clear that he wasn't in the mood to listen."

The nausea had come back; whether it was caused by the whiskey on an empty stomach or the stress of retelling what had happened between her and Joel yesterday, Ada wasn't sure. Though she guessed it was probably the former, if her headache was anything to go by. She slumped further into her chair as a deep sigh left her lungs; everything was such a mess and she was tired of feeling so hopeless. She turned the empty glass along her hand that grasped it, her eyes red and raw from the tears and the worst night of sleep she'd had in weeks. "Maybe Joel is right." She wondered aloud. "Maybe this is all my fault and I deserve this. I'd hate me too."

Maria shook her head defiantly at Ada's words, reaching over to take the glass from her and placing it back onto the coffee table between them. "Joel doesn't hate you. And as far as blame goes...I'd say we're all at fault for how we handled this. Some of us more than others." She stated bitterly, her blue cold eyes glaring at her husband sitting across from her on the living room couch. A small rag of wrapped ice held to his face. The man rolled his eyes and scoffed, pulling the ice pack from his nose and resting it by his knee as he leaned forward.

"I already told you that I was sorry. I don't know what else you want me to say."

"And I told you to keep that damn ice on your nose to take down the swelling." She berated without taking a breath. "You had no right to go behind Ada's back like that! And Joel didn't deserve to find out the way he did either!"

She was right. Tommy knew she was right. Always was. He owed his brother a hell of a lot more than yelling the truth at him like he had. But he had just been so angry. So frustrated; it had come out before he could stop it and then it had been too late to take it back. He honestly hadn't expected Joel to react the way he did. So cold and harsh with the way he'd shouted at Ada...Tommy knew how much his brother loved her. And yet he'd all but ambushed the poor woman to get answers. He uttered another apology and sat back with the ice cooling his throbbing nose that was now beginning to bruise. He didn't blame Ada for hitting him either; he'd definitely deserved it. There were a lot of things all of them wished they could've done differently. Hindsight was a nice thing in theory but now it was proving to be painfully useless once the damage was already done.

His sister in law rose from her seat and as he watched her pace about the room, the more his guilt niggled at him. She ran her hands through her greying roots and down through the fading brunette locks that cascaded down her back, they were still shaking as she moved to rest them on her neck while she continued pacing.

"Ada..." He tried cautiously." Ada..."

"You shouldn't blame Tommy for this Maria, this is my fault." She interjected and paused looking down at the blonde who could only give the woman a look of pity in return. "I mean it, Joel was right with everything he said. I'm a fucking coward!" The couple shared a look as Ada laughed bitterly at her words. "I was too afraid to deal with what happened so I left. Because I was terrified that if I had stayed...If I had tried to help him remember, forcing him to live with a damn stranger; he'd eventually decide that life was better without me. It's stupid and it's selfish..." her voice quivered as she held back tears, her arms falling from her neck to hold herself. "...but there it is."

Maria was quick to reassure her; rushing to her feet and pulling her into a hug. Ada pulled back as she was offered an old handkerchief from the other woman's pocket. Her sniffles subsiding as she was encouraged to sit down again.

"Ada, Joel loves you. He might not remember that but it doesn't just go away. You still have a chance to fix things."

Ada scoffed out a wet sob and shook her head. "No...it's over Maria. As far as he's concerned; I'm just the coldhearted bitch that abandoned him."

"Wait...Joel actually said that?" Tommy asked aghast, his eyes wide. The woman just shrugged dismissively. "He didn't have too...Though it's nothing less than I deserve.

Tommy wished she would stop being so hard on herself. He understood her guilt more than most and he hadn't even agreed with the plan in the first place. It just hadn't sat right with him to lie to Joel about his family. But then he'd spoken to his brother and realized just how much of his memory had been lost. And it seemed that he was losing himself in it. Joel was becoming angry and bitter at the world for taking something from him, for harming him in a way he hadn't been able to control. It was eerily similar to the darkness he'd descended into when he'd lost Sarah. When he'd lost all hope for happiness and decency. There was no mercy or love. It was just a means to an end in order to survive. That wall that Joel had built around himself to keep the world out. To keep emotions just out of reach. And Tommy feared his brother falling into it again. Ellie and Ada had pulled him out of it once, he had hoped they would've been able to do it again. Now he was starting to worry he'd been wrong.

He pulled back the rag and thankfully it seemed as though his nose had stopped bleeding. He discarded the spoiled cloth on the coffee table; taking in the silence that had fallen in the room. Both his wife and sister in law sat quietly with the same tired looks and stern frowns upon their faces. No one had the answers anymore, no matter how much they pretended they did.

"Ada..." his voice was quiet but it caught her attention as she glanced up at him. "I'm sorry."

She nodded meekly and smiled. "Me too. I'm sorry I punched you in the face." He laughed; waving his hand coolly as he shrugged. "Nah, don't worry about it. I mean I'm pretty sure you broke my nose but ya know...we're good sis." Ada laughed as Maria jokingly rolled her eyes at her husband's dramatics. It was badly bruised at best, both they and Tommy knew that. But Ada appreciated him trying to lighten the mood. It was the first time in a long time that she'd truly laughed since Joel's attack. And it was nice to feel something other than grief for even a second.

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Ellie tried to keep up with the rushing of her mind the quicker her pace picked up. She'd already been home to find the place empty, the only other place she could think to check would be Tommy and Maria's to find her mother. Her sneakers skidded slightly against the porch wood when she stopped to tap on the door. Her surrogate aunt greeting her with a warm smile as she opened the front door.

"Is my mom here?" The teen asked softly. Maria simply nodded, letting the young girl inside and following her into the living room. She walked in to find her mom and Tommy sat together chuckling lowly at their shared stories and fond memories. A half emptied bottle of whiskey sitting between them, with three half drunk glasses on the table. Ellie figured the three of them must've been here most of the day. Her mom shifted when she noticed her daughter, scooting along the couch to make room for her. Ellie made her way around the coffee table towards them, wincing when she saw the state of Tommy's face. "Jeez what the fuck happened to you?" She asked in concern. But Tommy just snorted a laugh. "It's a long story, don't worry about it."

The girl scoffed, a sarcastic smile spreading across her face as sat down.

"Is everything okay?"

She couldn't stop herself from fidgeting at her mother's question, instantly going back to her nervous habit. Her fingernail beds were already sore from the hours she'd spent picking at them. "I uh...I can't find Joel. I wanted to talk to him. I stopped by the house but he wasn't there." Stunned silence filled the room at Ellie's admission, Tommy's face full of confusion when he glanced at her beside him.

"Why'd you want to talk to him?" He asked. She took a moment before answering, looking to her mom with sadness in her eyes.

"I heard what happened between you two yesterday. I know what he said about us."

"Oh sweetheart, come here." She didn't say anything as Ada pulled her into her arms, instead just snuggled further into her warmth. Her head leaning against her shoulder. Hands once buried inside her jacket sleeves.

"I just thought maybe I could try talking to him...maybe if I tell him everything he'd understand or he'd forgive us for leaving." She explained." This is my fucking fault! This happened to him because of me; because of what he did to protect me...I need him to know I'm sorry...that I'm trying to fix things. That I'm trying to make it better and when we find them we can--"

"Wait, hold on, find who?"

Oh shit now Ellie had done it. She pulled back from her mother's arms, a look of guilt pulled at her brows as she chewed nervously at her lip. She tried to avoid eye contact but was only greeted with more accusing stares from Maria and Tommy.

"Ellie.." Maria uttered disapprovingly. But she didn't answer once again, attempting to avoid the eyes staring at her.

"Ellie what aren't you telling us?"

"Promise you won't get mad?" It was a big ask. Ellie knew that when she finally took the chance to look her mother in the eye, hoping that she'd soften even just a little bit. But all she saw was worry and that only made her feel worse for lying to her.

"Ellie." She warned sternly and the girl knew she had to come clean. She took a deep breath, her head falling in defeat as she finally gave in.

"Okay...I lied before. I wasn't staying at Dina's the last couple of days...we've been staying at one of the outposts outside of town tracking the fireflies...or what was left of them from Abbey's group."

"I'm sorry you've been doing what?!" "Are you insane?!" She flinched at both her mother and Maria's outbursts that echoed together in the heavy silence of the room. She shared a look with Tommy as he flashed her a small smile of gratitude but it flickered away as quickly as it came when both women rose to their feet in a rush of anger and frustrated annoyance.

"Ellie, we've talked about this and we agreed to leave it alone."

"No you fucking decided!" The teen challenged as she snapped to her feet, her face snarling into a roaring temper that could easily rival her mother's. "Those fuckers could come back! They already found us once, what's stopping them coming back to finish what they started?!"

Ada scoffed at Ellie's argument throwing her hands up, exasperated they were having this argument yet again! She understood her daughter's worries but she was certain the Fireflies had no reason to come back. They thought Joel was dead and she was determined to keep it that way. They'd had this same conversation again and again and yet every time Ellie would always push back.

"She's right."

The girls all fell silent to the single voice that spoke up, as all eyes turned to Tommy. Maria seething at her husband and Ada downright irritated that he'd shamelessly encourage this reckless behaviour. Ellie just appreciated having Tommy on her side at least.

"Tommy..." Maria warned, her eyes pleading him to stop.

"Well she is! Do you really wanna live the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders?! Just hoping to God that those bastards don't come back. Yeah they think Joel is dead but for how long? They already managed to get word he was living in Jackson in the first damn place...what do you think they'll do when they realise that he's not quite as dead as they thought?" He paused, stopping to look at Ada as she held back her tears, her bottom lip quivering and he was quick to her side. His hand resting on her shoulder.

"Look I'm sorry... I know this is not what you want to hear right now but Ellie has a point. We can end this. If it were any of us, Joel would be halfway there already."

She shook her head, her breath catching in her throat. "No he wouldn't." She argued.

"He absolutely fucking would!" Ellie shouted. Her words stopped them all dead. Knowing looks exchanged between the adults before walking to huddle by the table. They knew Ellie was right. If any one of them in that room had been attacked; Joel would be doing everything he could to get them the justice they deserved. He'd never lay down and let them get away with it. Ada let out a sigh of defeat as she looked back to Ellie, gesturing for her to sit back down. She did, though moved hesitant at first. Ada sat silent, her mind clearing and calculating for a second as she sat with her hands rested against her mouth before she eventually lowered them to speak. "So...you were tracking those bastards...did you find any?" She asked apprehensively. Ellie swallowed hard and cleared her throat, sitting up in her seat before nodding.

"Yeah...Dina and I watched the area for hours. Most of the group left but a couple stayed behind at the hunting lodge. Two of them...I don't know their names. They were packing up their stuff. We followed them out when they went hunting for food. Managed to lure some infected on the way back..." Ellie didn't realise she was shaking as she spoke until her mother took her hand and squeezed it gently. "We stood and watched as the clickers tore those fuckers apart.."

"Good riddance." Tommy stated bitterly.

"I came back to tell you what happened but then I heard the neighbours gossiping about what happened between you and Joel, all that stuff he said. I thought I could fix it. But when I went to the house he wasn't there. So I sent Dina to ask around town if anyone had seen him and I came here." Adaline nodded slowly, taking everything in. She looked at Tommy and Maria both sharing the same lost look on their faces. They all knew what they needed to do next. It was just a case of whether they had any strength left to do it.

Though Ada never got the chance to answer; instead their heads turned to the direction of stomping footsteps and the door bursting opening to a breathless Dina, panting as she almost slipped on the doormat under her boots. Ellie flew to her feet and darted to her girlfriend, asking her what was wrong.

"It's Joel!" She gasped. "He's gone..."

#the last of us #Joel Miller #joel and ellie #the last of us part 2 #joel miller x oc #the last of us part ii #ellie williams #fanfiction #tlou #joel miller #starlessskies writes

[wastelandcth]

The Way it Was - cth

part of love songs for calum, a series

summary: back then this thing was running on momentum, love and trust that paradise is buried in the dust. 

author’s notes: this was a request that i thought fit the song nicely! hi, i love ur writing...it gives me✨ serotonin✨ have you seen that video of winona ryder and johnny depp seeing each other at an award show after they’ve broken up many years ago, do you think you can write a version like that with calum where she’s an artist as well and she’s receiving her first tony award for the leading lady role in a musical, and maybe he’s given her a promise in the past but she still wears it to this day and he spots it when she’s giving her speech? and maybe they meet up afterwards. 

masterlist || request

Calum watched as the stars passed above him. The dry desert wind hit his skin as his eyes closed and the thumping in his ears made him numb to the world. He'd been silent for most of the ride, too lost in his head to really remember how long you'd been driving him in the darkness of the desert. He didn't remember exactly how long he'd been with you after he'd watched you walk onto the stage to accept the award you'd won. He didn't remember how long it had been since his breath had been stuck in his lungs as he watched you up on stage thanking your loved ones and the fans. 

The stars could only distract him for so long before Calum's mind drifted back towards one of the last times he'd seen you. When the tears running down your cheeks shined brighter than lights he'd seen on stage a few minutes ago. His ears were still ringing from the fans he'd sang to and his throat burned from the shouting match you were both engaged in. He didn't even really remember what you two were fighting about, the most recent fights had all been like that. Insults and hurtful words spewed out at one another and it seemed like every time the tears would spill or your voices would crack, Calum found himself slipping further and further away from you. 

The day you two broke things off, the day you both said too much and the words stung too hard on each other's hearts, Calum knew he'd never be able to love as he loved you again. He watched you walk away, tears falling down his cheeks and shaky breaths leaving his lungs. That was the last time he saw you, as a feisty nineteen-year-old with your whole life ahead of you and his whole life ahead of his. And as your figure got smaller and smaller in the hallway of that arena, Calum couldn't help but feel his heart go with you. 

"Do you think we were just too young?" you asked as the car stopped on a pullout, the dark desert enveloping you both. "Or maybe we were just too dumb to realize what we were doing back then?"

Calum sighed, his eyes looking over at you, he'd thought about it every day for years. He ran over every possible reason why your relationship had never worked, why you two fell apart and never talked again. It wasn't like you'd both changed phone numbers the second you'd walked out of each other's lives. Calum knew your new place had been only less than an hour away from the one you'd both shared. He knew that you still made the drive to your favorite grocery store down the road because they had the best oranges in town. 

"Too young to know things like love. To know that what we felt was and might've been love." Calum mumbled softly and shrugged, his eyes drifting back over to the stars that seemed to shine brighter when you were around. 

"I always felt loved by you, you know that? Always made me feel like I was safe and cared for," you whispered into the night, your own eyes moving up to look at the stars. "I hope you felt the same."  

Calum remembers when he first felt that pit in his stomach. When he realized that he was no longer that teenage boy who got excited over holding your hand or kissing you. He remembers those nights when the lights shone brighter and your smile made his heart race. Whenever he had you by his side, he felt like anything was possible and the nights were longer and brighter. 

He remembers how he'd never been able to tell you about all the feelings he'd been holding in. The way his heart raced and his palms would sweat whenever he got close to telling you about the way he truly felt. He'd whisper the words to you at night when you were asleep and he was alone on his own. He'd whispered them in the dark when your dorm was far away and the breeze coming in through the window meant that you were pressed against his chest and breathing against his neck. 

"I did feel it. Felt it so hard I thought I was going crazy." Calum whispered and chuckled quietly. 

Calum saw when the look in your eyes changed whenever you looked at him. When the sparkle left and it was replaced by something he'd never seen before. At first, he feared the worst. He feared that maybe you'd found someone who was better than him, someone who wasn't away for so long or would be able to spend more time with you. 

He'd asked you one night about it. When he was so lost in his mind and you kept telling him off. He'd foolishly asked you if there was another person and if that's why you had pushed him away. 

"You seriously think I would do that to you, Calum?! That I would fuck someone else just because you were gone!?" you scoffed. 

"What am I supposed to think? You don't look at me anymore, you barely call or answer my text messages! You didn't even want to come on tour with me until I practically begged you!" Calum scoffed and shook his head, "I don't know what you expect me to believe." 

"That I fucking love you and I would never leave you!" 

"Sometimes I imagine what our lives might've been like if we would've worked out. If we hadn't been so stupid and let us all drift apart." you mumbled quietly, your head finding a familiar spot on Calum's shoulder, "That maybe we'd be twenty-five and exploring the world together. You with touring and making music and me with I don't even know.." she laughed. 

"Making amazing music as well." Calum mumbled and chuckled, his hand squeezing your thigh gently, "You did win an award for it tonight." 

"But all my songs were about...about you and the way my heart still beats for you," you mumbled,  leaning into the touch of the man who'd always held it in his embrace. 

"I wish it could be the way it used to be. Before all the fights and all the stupid words we said." Calum whispered, his lips leaving a kiss on the crown of your head, "With you by my side and our love shining brighter than ever." 

"It could be. We could try this again, you know?" you whispered, "We're both older now, know who we are as people." 

"You'd want to?" Calum asked quietly, his eyebrow peaking in interest, "You'd want to give it another go? Another chance for fighting and yelling and just....putting our hearts on the line?" 

"I don't want the fighting. I want the kisses in the morning and the way you always cover your mouth when you laugh too loud. I want the midnight drives when we sing to whatever songs are stuck in our head and the love we had for one another." you sighed and sat up. "I want things to be the way they were, Calum." 

"My heart is yours, you know that? It always has been yours." Calum mumbled as his hand found your cheek and his lips found yours. 

taglist: @hoodhoran @finelliine @moonlightcriess @dinosaursandsocks @mxgyver @calpops @karajaynetoday @notlukehemmo @calumrose @devilatmydoor @lyss-xo @lowkeyflop​  @stollls @hemmo1996-5sosvevo​ @myloverboyash​

#calum hood blurbs #calum hood imagines #calum hood x reader #calum hood fics #5sos blurbs #5sos imagines #5sos x reader #calum hood #5sos #5 seconds of summer

[ma-gic-gay]

This is bad.

Boss and second best friend is presumed dead and I just had sex with his wife who happens to be my best friend bad. In his bed. In his house. Pretty sure I need to go and repent at a church when I'm not even religious bad.

Oh right, that's what happened. Minus the going to a church and confessing his sins to a priest part. That's probably what he should do, but he doubts he'll actually go through with that. A priest would probably somehow get to Sam or worse, end up knowing where Sonny is and been harboring him all this time. As far as he knows, you can't really have a priest not tell your secrets.

He's fucked. Scratch that, they're fucked.

Wrong choice of expression there. Very wrong. Ironic, but severely wrong expression.

What the hell is he supposed to do from here? What are they supposed to do from here? Go and confess their sins to a pastor? Too long and they'd probably end up in jail if that happened. Pretend it never happened? He knows that's not going to happen. There's going to be a long, drawn out conversation about it. Move to different continents and never speak to each other again? Too extreme, not to mention unlikely. Something would happen and they'd both be pulled back to town or to whatever continent they were on to post bail or something. Besides, they'd been friends forever. They could never not be in each other's lives. It was impossible.

Oh god. They're friends. No benefits. The last time there had been benefits attached, they had hated each other. Not in a typical "I hate you bitch" way, but in a "it doesn't matter if I never see you again. In fact, my life would be better if I didn't" way.

Needless to say they were not going back to those days. It would be impossible now; both had intertwined lives. Their kids were close and both were close to each other's kids. Extra parents, if you will. Not to mention, they both knew way too much about each other.

Irony is a cruel mistress, he thinks, thinking back to when they didn't even know each other's names. Those were the days of Robin and picking up random girls in bars before he learned his lesson about the girls he picked for his hookups carefully because if he didn't, there was a chance he'd end up with his entire life turned into a tornado of blonde hair and getting her out of trouble.

The quiet snoring at his side suddenly came to a stop, a telltale sign she's woken up or close to it.

Suddenly, he's all too aware of what happened last night between the two and what's going on now. They'd had sex (protected, at least they were stable enough to remember that) in the house Sonny bought, in his bed. The kids were at their friends houses, or in the case of Avery at her mother's. So at least the kids hadn't heard them.

Flashforward what he imagines can't be more than twelve hours and now they're in Sonny's bed, naked and both awake or waking up. The kids wouldn't suspect anything, provided none of his clothes besides his jacket were downstairs. He'd spent the night in general plenty of times and that had increased in this year.

Granted, their impulse control last night was to be questioned given that this had happened.

"Jason? What are you doing here?" Carly asks tiredly, still wiping the sleep out of her eyes. "And where the hell is your shirt? Or mine, for that matter- oh god."

She remembers. Dammit. This is both a good and a bad thing.

Good in the thing that he's now confirmed that they were sober, bad that now they've got decisions to make and neither of them make the best decisions when it's early in the morning and they're uncaffeinated.

"We need to talk about this, but first, coffee. Where the hell are our clothes? Please tell me we didn't leave them downstairs," she groans.

They find their clothes quickly enough and get dressed slightly awkwardly before heading downstairs to brew coffee.

The moss bowl that seems to continually grow, to the point that Jason was gifted some moss to go in his apartment as a housewarming gift from Carly, seems extra interesting this morning as he studies it intensely. That is one big moss plant. Over the course of a year, it got much larger than expected.

"Alright, we are not going to stand here in this awkward silence. We are going to discuss what happened last night and then figure out what the hell is means," she decides, handing him a mug of coffee.

"What is there to discuss? We had sex," he answers her simply after taking a sip of coffee.

"That's the exact thing we have to discuss."

"We're both very aware of how that works, Carly. Would you like me to pull up a diagram online and explain it?" Jason teases her.

"No smartass, I want to discuss the sex."

"Oh god," he groans into his coffee. "It's not even ten am and you've already decided that this is the big fight of the day for you. Couldn't this wait until, I don't know, Scout graduates college?"

"Jason," she warns, "humor me and discuss last night. I promise that this conversation will end sooner if you just agree to actually have it sooner."

"It'll end ten minutes before my funeral as opposed to at my funeral, then," he jokes.

"Do you want me to think about your death?"

"Alright fine I give in, we'll talk about it."

"See? That wasn't so hard, was it?" She asks triumphantly.

"You are lucky I don't have anything else to do today besides paperwork I can have someone else do," he answers.

There's not enough coffee in the world to stop the headache he can feel she's going to bring to him today. It's a sixth sense by now, that she'll be giving him a headache that won't be fixed until the problem is solved.

In a weird way, it's a relief know that she does that. It's comforting in the strangest way.

Neither of them claimed to ever understand why it's calming.

"I know," she says, a smirk on her face. "Now, to the discussion about last night. We did it."

"We have already confirmed that information, yes," he agrees.

"It was good."

"Yeah."

"We're friends."

"Correct."

"I need more than one word answers!"

"We're reviewing information we both already agreed on and these aren't questions."

Sighing, Carly dramatically sips her coffee, getting a quiet chuckle out of her friend. "I still would appreciate an answer that wasn't a synonym of yes. Maybe one that's, I don't know, five or more words."

"Then ask me a question."

"Fine. Where do you want to go from here? Do we stay friends or be more or be friends with benefits or something else I haven't thought of yet?" The blonde rambles, caffeine kicking in.

"You're rambling."

"I'm aware."

"Just checking."

"Answer the question!"

"Calm down," he urges. "I don't know where to go from here."

"You're always the one who knows what to do in situations like these, not me!"

"Yes, I always come up with a plan of what to do when you and I hook up a day after Christmas. Because we've been in this situation loads of times before," he chuckle sarcastically.

"I meant when I do something impulsive, or you do something impulsive smartass," Carly glares at him playfully.

"Ah yes, my life's sole purpose: Stopping you from doing stupid things. And when that fails, getting you out of trouble," he jokes again. "I don't know what to do, for once. We may have a major problem on our hands."

"May have? Jason, if you can't figure out what to do from here, I think we're in major trouble! I haven't made a major life decision without a severe amount of your input in a very long time," the blonde exclaims, downing the last of her coffee like it'll help her make a decision of what to do here.

"That probably says something about you being codependent on me."

"You love me running into your apartment with your problems."

"Sometimes. Other times, your problems and plans are so stupid I don't understand them but somehow they hinge on me going along with them."

"Well of course they hinge on you going along with them? You're my best friend, if they didn't I'm convinced that our friendship would simply never recover from it. We'd live our lives without a single hope of ever getting back to this because you didn't go along with my plan," she says dramatically, smiling. "And that would be the worst thing to ever happen to either of us."

"Mhm," he says, rolling his eyes but a small smile pulls at his lips. "I believe you decided that we needed to figure this out."

"Well we do!"

"So far you've only stated the facts of what happened and some of the options of what to do. You're the one who decided we have to figure out exactly what this means before I'm even fully coherent."

"Drink your coffee faster."

"Solid advice coming from a woman who's already formed three plans before her first cup of coffee."

"You're right, there are about seventeen different possibilities in my mind at the moment based off of what decision we come to," she smiles at him. "Would you like to hear them?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No."

"Then let's get it over with," he sighs, sipping his coffee in an attempt to not deal with a massive headache.

"First scenario is that we pretend this never happened and stay exactly the same. No awkwardness, last night is essentially wiped from our memories. Solid option, but it's impossible. Second is friends with benefits but we don't catch feelings. Again, solid option with no to minimal awkwardness, but I have a feeling we both know it won't end up happening, especially with me. Third is friends with benefits but we do catch feelings. Could end in repressing feelings or could end with us dating. Either way, ends up being fairly complicated. Fourth is that we begin dating. This one has equal pros and cons, primarily that if that ends up going south we won't have our friendship being the same and that would be the worst but that if it goes well, marriage. No more kids though, I think we've got enough of those.

"Fifth is we both move away and never see each other again. Not happening. We both would end up arrested. Or killed," Carly shudders at the thought, "Sixth option is that you go back to Sam and I begin the rather depressing at this age journey of dating. Seventh is that we acknowledge last night but continue as friends. Can't decide the pros and cons of that one."

"I haven't even finished my coffee yet and you're already planning seven different ideas for your future?" Jason asks, impressed and terrified at the same time. "Good god."

"Well now you have seven options to choose from. No pressure but if you choose five, I will never forgive you."

"Five is automatically out of the story, don't worry about that."

"In that case, you have six options to choose from."

"Why can't you choose?"

"Because I'm incapable of making a decision of this caliber on my own."

"But I'm not?"

"Fine, we'll make this decision together. After all, it affects us both." Carly agrees against her better judgement. "We should make a list."

"A list?" He groans. "This sounds dangerously close to a plan."

"It's not a plan, though. That's the beauty of it, we make a pros and cons list. From there, we make our decision."

"Most people would flip a coin."

"That's a terrible way to make a decision."

"Not really but fine, we'll make a list."

"I knew you'd give in."

To be continued when I'm not half asleep

oh dear-

[lostbetweenvampiresandmusic]

May I request #23 from the list with Sam and Original Female Character? The OFC is his sister. Thank You

Oh, I've never written for Sam before, so sorry if it's a but out of character 💕I hope you'll like it💕💕

--------

Ever since moving to Santa Carla she'd known something was- well, something was off. The whole town had this weird feel to it. She was certain that this town held some sort of deep dark secret, and she wasn't certain she wanted to know. After all, some things are better kept secret, right?

Since moving here, Eva and Michael -her older brother by ten months - had begun to hang out with a group of boys. Well, Michael did. Eva had decided to stay away from them ever since they gave her maggots for dinner. She still shivered thinking about how she almost put those crawling insects into her mouth. She'd run out of that cave they lived in, having had enough of their macho behaviour and their tricks, and hadn't returned since. It was a smart decision, she realised. The way Michael behaved now a days, with him being rude to both their mother and grandpa... Eva sighed. Things were so much easier back in Phoenix, even though they had to deal with the divorce there.

"I still can't believe we have no TV," Sam sighed as he sat down on the kitchen table. He'd just woken up Michael.

"Maybe if you took a job as well we'd have one quicker," Eva sighed, making breakfast for Michael and dinner for Sam and her.

"Yeah, maybe."

"I'm serious, Sammy. Maybe those Frogs have a job for you?"

Sam chuckled, shaking his head. "I don't know, E."

"Anything in here that-"

Eva sighed, tuning the conversation out. There granddad would go out on a date tonight, and she really didn't feel like knowing the details. She returned to the table with three plates, frowning when Michael said he wasn't hungry.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," he looked at her, wearing sunglasses while it was already dark out. Eva was about to respond when light flashes flashed throughout the house, the sound of motorbikes coming closer and closer.

"Don't open it!" Sam yelled at Michael, who began to open the doors, trying to see who was taunting them. When he'd pulled them open, everything was silent. "Go take your bath," Michael's voice was closer to a growl, low and dangerous.

"What's going on, Mike?" Eva sounded curious, worried even. And she was. She felt like she was losing her brother, and it terrified her.

"Get out, Eva!"

Startled she looked at him, wanting to respond. But when she saw the almost animalistic look in his eyes, she ran upstairs. The next moments happened so quickly. Michael following her up the stairs, grabbing her and dragging her down. Nanook jumping on him when he tried to get to Sam. Eva trying to get past him, running back on the stairs, only to get grabbed by her brother again. She screamed, kicking him, before running up, dragging Sam into his room. She quickly locked the door, sitting down in the ground in front of it.

"Something is wrong with Mike..."

"I know," Sam sounded surprisingly grown up when he looked at his sister, "I think I know what's happening to him."

Eva frowned, looking as he threw a thin comic at her. "He's turning into some fucked up superhero?" She hadn't looked at it. What would a batman or superman comic do for them right now?

"Just read it."

"Vampires everywhere?"

She flipped through the pages, noticing small details. How vampires would trick people- was that what the maggots were? How they'd taunt victims- like the lights just now. She became quiet as she read more and more.

"And I've seen a hellhound!" Sam told her, flipping back to the page. "When Mom and I went to visit Max. That dog pretty much wanted to kill her!"

"I- this can't be happening!"

"What other explanation do you have?!"

"Drugs?"

"Mike wouldn't use that."

"Maybe he does now. I dont know Sam, this sounds just -"

"When Mike attacked you, what did he look like?"

"A- a monster."

"Right," Sam sat down, grabbing his phone.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm calling for help!"

"Wait- you're telling me this comic is like- true?"

"Duh! Ive been trying to tell you the whole time, Evy! Mike is turning into a shitsucking vampire!"

"What - what do we do?"

"We get the Frogs. Then we kill them and save Mike."

Eva sighed, sitting next to her brother. Dread filling her up, as she realised what they had to do in order to save their brother. "Alright," she mumbled, "let's do it."

#the lost boys #lost boys #sam

[stanbillyhargrove]

Ghosts chp 11

Billy x Katrina

A/N: this is a multi chapter series that will contain smut, angst, fluff, substance abuse

February

Katrina's POV

Billy pulled the Camaro up to our rental place and let it idle as we sat there, staring at the old house. A small, gothic style house that sat sandwiched in a street of similar places.

"Is this it?" Steve asked from the back seat.

"Yep, purple door. Just like the site said."

Billy cut the engine and we all stepped out into the streets of Salem.

It's been a couple months since telling everyone that I can see ghosts and they've taken it surprisingly well. Steve can't get enough of it, he always wants to be touching me so he can talk to them too which made Billy jealous. He wanted to talk to them so badly. That and the fact that we'd had more than one instance of an unwanted guest during sex was what brought us here. To try to find someone to help me control my power. And in Steve's words 'worst case, we get a cool vacation.'

We took a while to settle into our rental before setting out into the town. We ducked into every shop we passed, searching for someone to help me. Unfortunately, nobody was able to. Nobody dealt that intimately with the dead. We met a few mediums, whose advice was to try meditation. Imagining a protective barrier around myself to keep the spirits at bay. But that wasn't good enough for me.

We stopped by a little apothecary for Steve to look around while Billy and I went across the street to a coffee shop to wait for him. We ended up sitting at a table for much longer than we expected when Steve came running into the shop.

"Guys! I met someone!"

I perked up and looked at him, "you did?"

"Her name's Riley, she works at the apothecary. She makes a lot of the stuff in there, soaps and stuff, and everything in there smells so good! I could spend all day in there," he rambled.

"Steve," Billy interrupted.

"Oh! And hair products too," he held up a paper bag, "she helped me pick out a bunch of stuff."

"Steve."

He shook his head, snapping out of his rambles, "yeah?"

"Is she able to help me?"

"Oh, I don't know. But we're going out for dinner tonight, I can ask her then."

"We lost him," I groaned, playfully knocking my head against Billy's shoulder.

"No, no, I promise! I won't forget."

--

Billy and I were curled up on the couch watching Evil Dead when we heard Steve come back from his date.

"In here!" I called, "movie night!"

Steve poked his head into the door a moment later, "oh good, you're decent. I want to introduce you guys to someone."

I cocked an eyebrow at him and sat up. He walked the rest of the way into the living room, leading a girl by the hand. She had long, wavy brown hair and a sweet face, was wearing a black tank top and tight blue jeans.

"Guys, this is Riley. Riley, this is Katrina and Billy."

Riley lifted a hand and waved a little, her cheeks a little pink, "nice to meet you."

"You too," I replied.

Billy nodded at her and smirked a little at Steve, who also started to blush.

"A-anyway..we're going upstairs, night guys!" He stammered before they fled upstairs.

I looked back at Billy, who had the biggest grin on his face and was biting back a laugh, "do you think he remembered to ask her?"

His composure slipped and he barked out a laugh as he pulled me to lean back against him, "I think that's the last thing on his mind right now."

I laughed a little, "Billy! They just met, he's more of a gentleman than that! We came here looking for someone though so he better ask."

"I'll bet you twenty bucks he is not that much of a gentleman and he totally forgets."

I smirked, "you're on."

--

Billy and I padded downstairs in the morning, following the sound of voices and found Steve and Riley sitting at the kitchen table. Half full mugs of coffee sat between them with their hands wrapped around them, fingers just barely brushing against each other.

Billy tapped his fingers against my back, a smug smirk on his face when I looked back at him.

"Morning you two," I smiled when they jolted to look up at us.

"Morning," they answered.

"So, I see you spent the night," Billy smirked.

Steve glared at him from across the table, his cheeks turning bright red.

"I hope you don't mind, Steve and I saw there was a Scream marathon on TV and we stayed up all night watching it."

"Don't mind at all," I answered, pouring myself a cup of coffee.

There was a moment of silence before Riley downed the last of her drink and stood up, "anyway, I should be going. Have to go home and get ready for work. It really was nice to meet you."

Steve stood and followed her to the door, returning a minute later with a huge smile on his face.

He stopped when he saw mine and Billy's smirks, "what?"

Billy reached forward and clapped him on the shoulder, "nice one, buddy! Finally got a girl in bed, I was starting to think after Nancy-"

"Oh my god!" Steve interrupted, "first of all, you know I've slept with people since her and second, we didn't sleep together. Not that it's any of your business."

I elbowed Billy's side and laughed, "pay up, loser!"

Billy groaned, tipping his head back, "Steve...you disappoint me."

"Wait, you guys bet on me getting laid? Rude!"

"Doesn't matter," I smirked, "is she able to help me?"

"I don't think I should tell you now," he pouted.

Billy snorted, "he forgot."

"I did not, actually. She thinks her and her sisters can help, she's gunna text me a time to meet them."

--

We met Riley and her sisters the next evening at the coffee shop across from the apothecary Riley worked at. Audrey, Brook and Riley. Triplets.

Riley was the youngest. She described herself as a green witch, using what she grows to create products for the apothecary and specializing in love and protection charms.

Brooke was the middle child. She had grey hair cropped above her shoulders and wore a ton of jewelry. Bracelets and rings adorned her hands, clicking and jangling when she moved. She worked at one of the psychic shops doing all sorts of readings. Tarot, runes, tea leaves, palms, you name it, Brook can read it.

Audrey was the oldest and had bright red hair shaved on one side and a lot of tattoos. She was a tattoo artist by day but her specialty was talking to spirits. A different type of medium, could summon all sorts of spirits to talk to.

Together, they wanted to try to help me.

"Alright, the plan is set!" Riley piped up, "we'll work with Katrina in the evenings and you guys use the rest of your time as vacation. Now, I promised to show Steve around and get some ice cream. So, we'll see you later," she explained as she got up and lead Steve out of the coffee shop.

-- Thursday Night

"I found something interesting last night."

I looked past the stack of books covering their kitchen table at Brook and cocked an eyebrow at her, "how interesting?"

"Very. I found a spell that could let ghosts into you. Rather than you having to repeat what they say, they could say it themselves."

I hummed, thinking about Billy, how jealous he was that he couldn't talk to Olivia directly. How quiet him and Max got if Susan or Olivia were talking to me. How they barely hid their anger behind clenched jaws when Steve would grab me so he could talk to whoever was around.

"I want to try it."

"It could be dangerous," Audrey warned.

"How dangerous?"

"Like, something bad could come through. Take over your body and not give it back."

"Oh," I mumbled.

"Just something to think about," Brook explained, "but we think you're powerful enough to try and with the three of us doing the spell, the chances are low."

"But still there," Audrey added, her eyes steely as she stared at me.

"I want to do it."

-- Friday Night

We'd left our rental this morning to spend the weekend at Audrey, Brook and Riley's house. Safer that way, they said, easier to make sure nothing goes wrong. I hadn't told the boys about our plan to try this spell, I just told them the triplets wanted us to stay with them.

So when they found out our plan for tonight, they weren't exactly on board.

"You want to what?" Billy asked.

"It's a spell, I'd be like a human ouija board. They'd be able to talk through me. Susan and Olivia could talk through me. You could actually talk to them."

He pinched the bridge of his nose with a groan, "and if something goes wrong?"

"The chance of anything bad happening is low," Brook explained.

"We're not going to throw her to the wolves," Audrey chided, "Riley and Brook have set up every kind of protection we can think of and Brook and I have the Latin down perfectly."

"No," Steve piped up, "no way. I'm drawing a line in the fucking sand here. Do not say anything in Latin. Haven't any of you seen a horror movie? Latin is always bad."

Riley laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Steve, it's just a language. Audrey and Brook know the language, they know what they're doing. Everything will be fine."

He clenched his jaw shut and looked back at me, one final attempt to stop this.

I looked from him to Billy, who was equally tense, "Billy, I want to do this. Everything's gunna be fine."

@charmed-asylum @champagnesugamama

#billy hargrove #stranger things #billy hargove imagine #billy hargove x reader #billy hargrove fanfiction #fanfic #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fic #billy hargrove fic #billy hargrove series #stranger things fanfiction #steve harrington

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Amelia

Jac: [So the vibe is evidently just showing up at the pre-drinks at this gfs house, we'll have to be some level of wasted to have the nerve so from the off it's a mood lol] Amelia: [a select gathering of the gays that you weren't invited too, but it's okay because Amelia can't throw you out when everyone else is like yeah come through] Jac: [literally you'd have to make such a drama and that's not you and also no one knows why you stopped being besties so it clearly appears chill from the outside, I vote the club should be a gay one so you have to commit to that hen] Amelia: [agreed because clearly her gf has planned this because Amelia's plan was to go and get that haircut and outfit with her mum so] Jac: [too pure for this bitch, we all know this is just an excuse for her to party like any other night really, which is rude, do something special but no, at least you're simply that hoe so it's not like we even have to work hard here, the flirting is blatant] Amelia: [it hurts my heart because you know Jamelia would have gone IN for each other's birthdays] Jac: [and her last one was start of transition year so they would've still been friends, AND it was her 16th so it would've been really poppin'] Amelia: [brb sobbing] Jac: [thank god jac is also miserable and only pretending to be living her best life or this would be even ruder] Amelia: [and thank god Amelia isn't in love with this gal] Jac: [and that lmao] Jac: [to me it should be like they just straight up make out on the dance floor 'cos her girlfriend is the 'its not a big deal omg!' type but even if it weren't, it is because it's Jac] Amelia: [hence when Amelia loses it it's Jac she's shouting at and being like how could you do this to me etc not her gf] Jac: [mhmm mHM we all know she's barely speaking at this point so she's not gonna say anything and your gf will be going off 'cos she looks the gobby type so you can slap her if you need babe lol] Amelia: [she so is the gobby type, Amelia just straight up dismissing her because this isn't about you babe I gotta scream at Jac rn thank you] Jac: [meanwhile we're just trying to walk away like the audacity] Amelia: [literally like SAY SOMETHING! because is there anything more frustrating than when someone won't react and you're literally 💔] Jac: [there is not, just shouting 'I'M SORRY' ala Tracy because we do not sound sorry at all but she is never a loud person so everyone else is gonna be shook like damn] Amelia: [your aunt Cass would be proud of that, but Amelia just gonna walk away] Jac: [good lord go home gal, or at least a different club lol, also like to point out she has a September birthday so also would've been after Savannah left so that would've been cheery lol] Amelia: [nice parallel because we know Amelia's walking home but fuck knows how far it would be, we're not at Erin's house now hens] Jac: [I'm sure you don't live right in town, your fam seems a suburb type so that'll be a nice trek, you poor bitch] Amelia: [just sobbing the whole time probably, even though she's not a crier like Savannah is] Jac: [you'd have to have a cry, if Jac hadn't gone catatonic as a defence mechanism, she would be too] Amelia: [which is why we're not getting our parents to pick us up because don't wanna be sobbing to this degree in front of them and her mum already hates the gf so we don't want the I told you so either] Amelia: [plus her mum probably thinks she's over Jac by now because we downplaying things forever] Jac: [parents can only be so much of a MVP at this age] Amelia: [I think when they see each other again it should be another argument that turns into Amelia kissing her because that's a trope for a reason] Jac: [yes, you are both owed it without the audience tbh] Amelia: [like I have no idea where they are when that happens, are you gonna show up on her doorstep to have another argument or what gal lol] Jac: [maybe you had somewhere you went together, idk where or what vibe, so you know she's gonna be there, even if it's just a different club and you're outside angsting] Amelia: [ooh excellent, yeah there's any number of places that could be 'theirs' you've known each other long enough] Jac: [precisely, it can be as everyday and unspecial or the opposite as we'd like, Dublin centre is not that big it's not insane to suggest] Amelia: [when do you think that is, clearly pretty soon after because the emotions have gotta be high] Jac: [yeah, sooner rather than later, like we did this for a reason and like you said, it's too frustrating when someone won't react to you] Amelia: [literally could be the next day/night I'd believe it] Jac: [i literally thought you meant the same night so yes i agree lol] Amelia: [omg that's even better tbh] Jac: like you turn round like AND ANOTHER THING, tensions are beyond that high] Amelia: [exactly] Jac: [at least Amelia is angry enough to break it off 'cos the levels of fucks you don't give rn about anything] Amelia: [yeah she's angry and sad enough to be like ffs what am I doing and actually go home] Jac: [thanks babe, we all know it happens but don't need it to literally look like 2nd choice to your hoe gf 'cos it ain't that] Amelia: [how am I gonna start a convo from here because I clearly am lol] Jac: [thank god you both drunk, I can do it if you want] Amelia: [go ahead if you think you can boo] Jac: you home safe Amelia: no, I'm dead in a ditch Jac: great Amelia: it'll make life easier for you, yeah Jac: my life couldn't be any rosier Amelia: 🥀🥀🥀 Jac: glad to see your flare for the dramatic ain't died in that ditch with you Jac: flair, which one Jac: idk Amelia: you took that over from me, remember Amelia: you really fucking did Jac: aren't you impressed Amelia: if you'd got there earlier you could've pushed me out of the way to blow the candles out on the cake my mum bought too Jac: you don't wanna be kids no more? Jac: could've said sooner Amelia: she's not a doll, she just wants to look like one Jac: who? Amelia: the girlfriend you wanted to share so badly Jac: oh her Jac: bride of chucky maybe Amelia: you did scare everyone with your apology Amelia: very exorcist-ish Jac: I was going for Carrie Jac: oh well Jac: still a better match than you two ain't it Amelia: oh you were trying to win a prom queen sash with acts of charity Amelia: I get it Jac: shouldn't you be throwing all this shade at her Amelia: wait, I'll add her in Jac: ha Jac: go ahead Amelia: she won't accept, sorry Amelia: I did try Jac: devastating Amelia: are you home safe? Jac: yeah Amelia: you do have the 👿👹👺👻 inside protecting you, I guess Jac: its always got a home inside me Amelia: well yeah, you don't ever kiss anyone long enough for it to transfer hosts Jac: you'll wanna get rid of the girlfriend then Jac: before you get infected Amelia: you already did that for me, such a good 🥳🎂🎁 Jac: couldn't think what else to get ya Amelia: 💐? Amelia: no? Jac: thought she might have beat me to it Jac: made a bit of an effort Amelia: she wanted me, that's all I needed Jac: past tense Jac: and that's definitely not the first time she's done that Amelia: what do you care? Jac: you think this is how i'd show it if I did Amelia: I try not to think about you anymore Jac: there's no need to make yourself sound stupid in the process Amelia: not when you're there to make me look it Jac: you'll get another girlfriend Amelia: because that's what is ripping my heart out about this Jac: that's your problem Amelia: stay the fuck away from me Amelia: if you'd done that I wouldn't have a problem Jac: I plan on it Jac: done what I needed to do Amelia: great Jac: enjoy what's left of your big day then Jac: have some 🎂 Amelia: you've made sure I can't Amelia: where's Savannah Moore with a 👏 emoji when you need her? Jac: Sligo Jac: last I heard Amelia: those poor country lads Jac: you've never cared about any lad a day in your life Jac: you can just admit you miss her Amelia: 😂 Jac: hilarious Amelia: not really Amelia: but I physically can't cry any more, I must be dehydrated Jac: unsurprising Jac: me either Amelia: 🍾🥂 Amelia: have a nice life then Amelia: probably leave tonight out of your achievements during the uni interviews Jac: nah Jac: diversity and adversity is all the rage Amelia: that's why I'll be mentioning it Jac: you're welcome x2 Amelia: 🙌 Jac: you sure she don't wanna join Jac: 'cos she's annoying me Amelia: I don't care what she wants or feel sorry for you Jac: yeah Jac: then tell her that Jac: not relaying your message Amelia: I have Jac: she's a liar too, makes sense Amelia: you're well suited Jac: besides the obvious Amelia: that you've done what you needed to do, yeah Amelia: tell her that Jac: I have Jac: not my fault she's so thick she only understands actions Amelia: if she's been messaging you since the 💋 you'll have had time to tell her everything I didn't Amelia: even if it has to be via charades Jac: the fact I didn't fuck her is all the information she's getting from me Amelia: the dancefloor's a bit public even for her Amelia: but maybe she'll be willing to break the rules for you, that's what people do Jac: let's not pretend it was about her Jac: only room for one delusional person in a relationship, don't you know? Amelia: you're ready for that, are you? Amelia: I don't know anything about relationships as it turns out Jac: first cut is the deepest Amelia: if you're going to sing, it's meant to be Happy Birthday Jac: yeah, you wish Amelia: I only got the one and I've already used it Jac: don't tell or it won't come true Amelia: I don't remember it now anyway Jac: bullshit Amelia: if it was 💇🏻 related it definitely didn't come true Jac: you didn't get a fringe Amelia: I still hate it Jac: it's not why you got cheated on Amelia: thanks, that makes me feel loads better about 👧🏻 Amelia: can you just take the posts down please Jac: I dunno Amelia: Jac Jac: fuck sake Jac: one thing Amelia: just do it Jac: then that's it Jac: there's your present, I don't owe you nothing Amelia: no, then that's it because I don't want anything to do with you Amelia: it doesn't make us even Jac: I don't give a shit about being even with you Jac: I win Jac: end of Amelia: it's not a fucking game Jac: you're the only one not playing Amelia: so leave me out of it Jac: that's another favour Jac: pick one Amelia: fuck you Jac: i'm keeping the pictures up then Amelia: enjoy your win Jac: naturally Amelia: 👏👏👏 Jac: you aren't her Amelia: you aren't you Amelia: it still doesn't make us even Jac: maybe you never knew me Jac: we weren't friends, after-all Amelia: there's no maybe about it, if we were ever friends you wouldn't treat me like this Jac: nothing is as simple as you'd like it to be Jac: but sure Amelia: you really hurt me again, it's that simple Amelia: and this time it was deliberate Jac: and you don't hurt the people you love Jac: grow up, Amelia Amelia: not like that Jac: that's easier for you Amelia: what about ANY of this is easy for me? Amelia: you told me to try, I did Amelia: now what? Jac: it isn't my responsibility to worry about that Jac: you figure it out Amelia: I had it figured out and you tore it down Amelia: take some fucking responsibility for that Jac: what, with your shit girlfriend who doesn't give a fuck about you Jac: that was wrecked before I got there Jac: deal with that Amelia: you wrecked me before she got there Amelia: I still think about you all the time, miss you all the time Amelia: and I do have to deal with that, all the time Jac: and I've got nothing to deal with Amelia: of course you do Amelia: happy people don't gatecrash and ruin other people's birthdays Jac: then you'll forgive me for not feeling sorry for you Amelia: I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I want you to be sorry for what you just did Jac: you want a lot Amelia: not this time Amelia: it's bare minimum Jac: I'm happy to disappoint and leave you wanting Amelia: then you win again Amelia: congratulations Jac: yipee Amelia: Don't contact me again unless you're got something to say that means something Jac: fine Amelia: you sound faker than Savannah could ever Amelia: it'd be impressive if it worked Jac: have I contacted you before now? Amelia: that doesn't matter because today you did Jac: today I ruined your relationship and birthday Jac: then I asked if you got home Amelia: yeah, and that all means something Jac: it means I wanted to fuck up your life Amelia: at least that wish came true Jac: there's always shooting stars and eyelashes when there isn't candles Amelia: there isn't a quick fix for this Jac: there's no fix Jac: there's only out and it's still 2 fucking years away Amelia: you were supposed to give me time, that's supposed to be one Jac: well I didn't feel like it today Amelia: clearly Jac: get over it Amelia: I'm not even through it, it literally just happened Jac: I'm not apologising, I can't be any clearer Amelia: then don't Amelia: I didn't know how to beg you when we were friends, I can't do it with this version of you Jac: Done? Amelia: I was done before I actually got home Jac: Well I've not gone home Jac: so we both lied there then Amelia: Where have you gone? Jac: what's it to you? Amelia: I don't want what happened to Is to happen to you, or worse Amelia: I care about you Jac: it won't Amelia: I'm calling your parents Jac: maybe I've told them you're obsessed with me already Amelia: maybe but it's still ringing Amelia: they can decide what they want to do Jac: you're such a snitch Amelia: because I really care what you think of me right now Jac: nah, just hope it makes you feel good about yourself worrying my parents for nothing Amelia: I don't feel good about myself because of you Amelia: your parents are irrelevant to me Jac: we've got that in common then Amelia: they're probably going to want to talk to you and I don't so goodnight Jac: Bold of you to think I'd answer Jac: but it is a reason to turn my phone off so yeah Jac: later Amelia: you're really 😎 we get it Jac: that's what I'm doing Jac: you're so smart Amelia: it's why you want to keep the pics up Amelia: like a 🏆 Jac: i wanna keep em up so you have to see them Amelia: I don't have to see them, I've already blocked you both Jac: 😂 Amelia: What's funny? Jac: 🤡😥 would've been more applicable, perhaps Amelia: probably Jac: you can pal up with Is again, she's up for it Amelia: yeah because I really want to drag her into whatever 🎪 you've started up between us Jac: you're so considerate Amelia: something really fucked up happened to her, you were there, don't act like you don't remember Jac: and you weren't there Amelia: I know that Jac: then you don't get to say shit to me about it Amelia: I'm not, I'm saying this isn't about Is Jac: when is it ever Jac: poor girl Amelia: stop it Jac: you walked out on her Jac: she didn't have enough daddy issues? Amelia: I walked out on you Jac: same difference Amelia: you said you'd let me Jac: and I did Amelia: until now Jac: you're only 17 once Jac: it's not going to happen again Amelia: it shouldn't have happened at all Jac: should woulda coulda Amelia: promise me that this is it Jac: I don't fancy your girlfriend Jac: kissing her was bad enough Amelia: I mean, promise me that I don't have to look over my shoulder for the next 2 years in case you decide that you want to ruin my life again Amelia: because I can't Jac: Amelia Amelia: I'm serious, I'll leave school before I let you do this to me for a third time Jac: I'm not in a position to be making promises about anything, to anyone Jac: I'll try Amelia: okay Jac: just Jac: I don't know Jac: never mind Amelia: you're scaring me, you know Amelia: I should've made you promise not to do any reckless shit back then instead of the other way round Jac: everyone's scared Jac: they say it like I can change it Amelia: I thought I was doing the right thing but everything just keeps getting worse Amelia: for me, you and Is Amelia: even for Savannah, Sligo for fuck's sake Jac: even if you'd done it different Jac: I'd still have done the same Jac: it still would've all happened Amelia: what are you going to do now? Jac: nothing matters now Amelia: you matter Amelia: to me Amelia: come to my 🏠 I'll call your parents back Jac: we're not doing this again Jac: no Jac: it's bad enough i have people in my life i can't get rid of Amelia: we're not doing anything Jac: stop caring about me Amelia: I can't Jac: how much more do I have to ruin your life Amelia: you have ruined it, that doesn't mean I want you to be dead in a ditch Jac: all I'm going to do is break your heart over and over and then I'm going to leave forever Amelia: tonight it's already broken and that's all I'm talking about Amelia: take the guest bedroom Jac: no Jac: because then my family will just think we're friends again and that I'm fine Jac: I'll go home, okay, just stop Amelia: if you stop lying, I'll stop this Jac: I'll send you proof, for fuck's sake Amelia: okay Jac: fine Amelia: [we're just waiting for that pic like] Jac: [however long this is gonna take, at least you're probably a bit more central, the most begrudging pic of the front door lmao] Amelia: no, put your outfit in it so I know it wasn't stored on your phone Jac: 'cos I just have pictures of my door Jac: [but does, some weird angle to not get your face in] Jac: haven't got a newspaper, so sorry Amelia: if you hadn't stopped the party early, they might have been delivered Jac: it was a crap party anyway Jac: she hadn't even booked a table Amelia: Yeah Jac: at least you can have a better girlfriend for your 18th Amelia: can I? Are you going to let me Jac: probably not Jac: but if she's less easy to ruin then there's nothing I can do about that Amelia: you'd have to try something else, that's all Jac: obviously Jac: I'm still smart Amelia: I'm not giving you a compliment Jac: I'm not saying I'm not going to ruin your chances at happiness Amelia: it's not like I need you to Amelia: SO capable on my own Jac: it's not taking credit if you're making excuses for me Jac: but alright Amelia: I'm talking about the 💇🏻 which you can't take credit for Jac: it suits you Amelia: that is the most hurtful thing you've ever said Amelia: take it back Jac: it's also true Jac: and you wanted me to stop lying Amelia: 😒 Jac: at least you don't look like every other girl now Amelia: you think I did before? Amelia: also that's because no other girl wants to look like 👧🏻 Jac: I mean everyone has the same hair Jac: you stand out more Amelia: you don't Jac: well I'm special, obviously Amelia: I know Jac: 🙄 Amelia: 😉 Jac: you're an idiot Jac: Jude better be at a sleepover Amelia: her hair stands out Jac: you should tell her that Jac: she'll be so glad her attention-seeking doesn't go unnoticed Amelia: she think I'm flirting with her so no Jac: oh yeah Jac: you're a predatory lesbian now Amelia: I kissed you Jac: after I kissed your girlfriend Amelia: you don't fancy her Amelia: that wasn't why you did it Jac: she fancies herself enough Amelia: So does Savannah, that wasn't a problem for you Jac: don't talk about her Amelia: sure, I wouldn't want to upset you Amelia: what's the point being 💔 if you're not the saddest Jac: she's gone, there's no point talking about her Amelia: my parents know hers, she's not gone from dinner table conversation at my 🏠 Jac: sucks for you then Amelia: sucks more for her that she's been sent to catholic school Jac: Catholic school? Amelia: yeah, her dad had that brainwave Jac: that is unfortunate Jac: probably a better school than ours though, so she'll be thrilled Amelia: it's my dad's favourite joke threat now Jac: at least you could avoid me Amelia: true, I should call his bluff and take him up on it next time Jac: go for it Jac: it's only me that has to write off this shit school on her uni app Amelia: the rest of your app will more than make up for it Jac: that's the plan Amelia: exactly, so it's not technically a compliment Jac: you're shit at this Amelia: thanks Jac: no, that really wasn't a compliment Jac: not one of your not technicallys Amelia: 😏 Jac: did you get a car Jac: I bet you got a car Amelia: [a picture of it because why not say she did] Jac: just got to pass now Jac: then you can go where you like Amelia: then I can runaway Jac: nah Jac: they'd take you off their insurance and you'd be fucked Amelia: because I'd never drive without insurance Jac: the police would be frantically looking for you as is Jac: that's always how murderers get caught out Amelia: 🤫 you're ruining this too Jac: you fantasize on your own time Amelia: this is my own time, you're home safe Amelia: I don't owe you my full attention now that your 👅 isn't in my ex girlfriend's mouth Jac: have you kissed anyone else Amelia: no Jac: do you regret it being her Amelia: it wasn't you, that's what I regret Amelia: but it couldn't be so Jac: yeah Jac: at least it was a girl Amelia: I'm not stupid enough to kiss any boys Jac: some just call it heterosexual Amelia: and I'm not so it'd be stupid for me Jac: alright Amelia: but I should probably kiss more girls Jac: why should you Amelia: because she'll think all the wrong things if I don't Jac: true Jac: I thought you didn't care about what people thought though Amelia: I'm going to have to find new friends from somewhere Jac: don't you gays stick together Amelia: she sticks with them and I don't want to see her Jac: you move fast Amelia: I don't really have a choice, do I? Jac: I don't need friends Amelia: handy since you don't have any Jac: that's why I don't Amelia: yeah, because you only care about what you need Jac: duh Amelia: did you ever care about me? Jac: don't be stupid Amelia: did you ever care about me when it wasn't because you needed something? Jac: what kind of question is that Amelia: one I need the answer to Jac: we were friends forever Jac: what did I get from it half the time Jac: no more than you did or didn't Amelia: okay Jac: that was a dick move making me answer that when you already knew Amelia: I didn't know Amelia: whenever I talk to you I end up with more questions than answers Amelia: and end up questioning my sanity Jac: you don't need to Jac: your work here is done Amelia: you can't tell me what to do when you don't even do what you said you were going to Jac: so you're going to continue to make a bad decision, just to be awkward Jac: that's smart Amelia: because you have such good reasons for doing what you did earlier Jac: 'course I do Amelia: go on then Amelia: tell me them Jac: already did Jac: I wanted to fuck it up for you Jac: felt great Amelia: there's smarter ways to feel good, and easier Jac: I've tried those Amelia: oh well I loved being your little experiment, thanks Jac: whatever Jac: it needed to be done Amelia: no it didn't Amelia: you keep saying that Jac: you don't get it Amelia: I don't buy into your fake bullshit, no, and that's all you've given me all night Jac: what's fucking fake about the fact I can't stand to have anyone around me happy? Jac: there's nothing fake about misery being the only thing I can stomach now Amelia: you didn't break up your parents or ruin your brother's music career, you sought me out when I haven't even been around you Amelia: you're full of shit Jac: trust me, I'm doing my best Jac: and you're full of shit if you're now trying to say you don't see me every day Jac: and that it isn't the fucking worst Amelia: I thought it was, until you did this Amelia: now I can say today was the worst Amelia: you're so fucking selfish and cruel Jac: nothing has changed Jac: I sped up your inevitable break-up, that's it Amelia: no, you went out of your way to hurt and humiliate me Amelia: everything has changed Jac: if you say so Jac: it wasn't the first time for me Amelia: who are you? Jac: it doesn't matter Amelia: who the fuck are you? Jac: I don't know, Amelia Jac: alright Amelia: you can't treat people like this Jac: then tell everyone what I did Jac: I don't care Jac: you could've done something about it Amelia: what did you want me to do? Jac: I thought you might put up more of a fight Amelia: for what? Against what? Jac: because I humiliated you Amelia: it wasn't the first time for me either Jac: never like that Amelia: I'm not going to fight you Jac: your loss Amelia: I keep telling you, I care about you, I don't want to hurt you Jac: I wish you'd stop Amelia: I wish I could Jac: yeah Jac: well Amelia: it's my loss, like you said Jac: don't worry, I've got my own Amelia: that makes me feel loads better Jac: it should Amelia: it doesn't Jac: you're infuriating Amelia: says you Amelia: I'm so angry at you Jac: because I wanted you to be Jac: that's the correct response Amelia: no, because I love you too much to hate you Amelia: because it won't go away Amelia: and I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my fucking life no matter what you do Jac: I don't have the answer Jac: If I could make you stop then I would Jac: but I don't know how Amelia: me either Jac: there's nothing I can do if you don't hate me by now Jac: I dropped you for Savannah Jac: I did everything I did tonight Amelia: I was there, I don't need you to recap Jac: I couldn't have made it easier Amelia: there's something wrong with me, there must be Jac: not as bad as me Amelia: my mum said at the time that I fell in love with you years ago and I can't expect to fall out of it in a few weeks or months Jac: logic adds up Amelia: she thinks I'm over it now so clearly not Jac: you probably said you were Jac: or near enough Amelia: the girlfriend thing kind of said it for me Jac: yeah well Jac: I've had loads of boyfriends Amelia: you're not in love with me Jac: I meant it doesn't mean anything, necessarily Amelia: yeah Amelia: my mum is more old fashioned though Amelia: romantic or whatever Jac: more romantic than your girlfriend, yeah Amelia: 🙄 Jac: she wasn't good enough for you anyway Amelia: I'm not good enough for anyone Amelia: I'm literally still in love with someone else who isn't them Jac: it isn't that simple Jac: you can feel things for more than one person Jac: you just, didn't for her and she wasn't worth it Amelia: maybe other people can but I don't Jac: how would you know Jac: it just hasn't happened yet Amelia: I'm too self aware if anything Jac: that's some lesbian nonsense Amelia: I'll put it in my bio then Jac: tinder Amelia: I'm not kissing that many girls, she'll definitely think all the wrong things Jac: be kicking herself, like Jac: or is it only okay when she does it Amelia: probably Jac: just like a lad Amelia: 😣 Jac: awh Amelia: I can't be bothered Jac: with girls? Amelia: I'm not trying anymore, you didn't keep your promises anyway Jac: what does that mean? Amelia: it means I don't care, my life can stay the mess you wanted it to be Jac: alright Jac: not like I can turn around and say 'no don't' now Amelia: and if you turn around you won't see me Jac: what? Amelia: school, I'm not doing it either Jac: shut up Amelia: online maybe so my dad doesn't rage Jac: that's bullshit Amelia: so is this Jac: no, fuck you Amelia: 😂 Jac: so you all get to fucking leave and I'm the one stuck dealing Jac: nah Amelia: I've got nothing to stay for Jac: it's school, no one does Jac: jesus Amelia: you said yourself it sucks having to see me every day Amelia: I'm doing you a favour Jac: you are ridiculous Jac: you think you can just run away like this is some shit indie song Amelia: I've tried the alternative Amelia: it didn't go great Jac: you think Savannah is bad? at least her parents made her go Jac: you're such a spoilt brat Amelia: I don't think about Savannah Jac: you don't think about anything Jac: christ Amelia: your audacity is another level Jac: your stupidity is worse Amelia: yeah, I've proved that loads of times over Jac: fucking hell Jac: your life is so hard, Meelie, yeah Jac: everyone thinks its my fault, what happened to Is Jac: and the more she says otherwise, the more it sounds like it was Amelia: no they don't, I don't Jac: well you love me so you're clearly insane and a bit biased Amelia: even if I hated you I'd still know that you weren't the one who assaulted her Amelia: it's his fault, nobody else's Jac: me and Sav still ran like we had something to hide Jac: that's all anyone cares about, working out what Amelia: you were scared, in shock probably Amelia: you felt like it was your fault Amelia: that doesn't mean it was Jac: all I know is she's fucked off, no one will say anything to Is, so it's all down to me, whatever people wanna say or think about it Jac: so yeah, sorry I think your idea is fucking laughable but been there, done that Jac: didn't solve anything, it only made the rest worse Amelia: I know it's a stupid idea, alright Jac: you can't go, alright, you just can't Amelia: you know I'll fight the whole school before I'd ever fight you Amelia: I'll do it for you too, if that will help Jac: Yeah, I do Jac: nothing will help but Jac: at least you're still here Jac: nothing else is the same Amelia: I'll be in detention every day for the next 2 years if that's what it takes to shut people up Jac: I don't deserve it Jac: or anything but hate from you, and I do fucking know that Amelia: you don't deserve to get the blame for being there and being her friend Amelia: I should've been too Amelia: and after it happened we should've talked Jac: maybe it's just karma Jac: I've never been a good friend to her and by the time it happened Jac: well Jac: I made you leave Amelia: I ruined our friend so I had to leave Amelia: *ship Amelia: that's not your fault either Jac: maybe it is Amelia: it's not Amelia: I shouldn't have told you how I felt Amelia: or been jealous of Savannah Amelia: or made such a big deal about the date you went on Jac: no Jac: I get it Jac: you weren't wrong Amelia: I did the wrong thing by leaving you and Is Jac: I couldn't wish the alternative on you Jac: having to stick around and watch Amelia: I still had to watch Amelia: I couldn't go that far Jac: I know it's my fault because it happened again Amelia: what? Jac: Savannah Jac: I kissed her Amelia: I don't understand Jac: you should have been jealous of her Jac: I mean Jac: you know what I mean Amelia: you mean you felt something for her Jac: I didn't want to feel any of it Jac: but she was straight and you weren't so having her around was meant to be easier Amelia: why didn't you just tell me? Amelia: you lied and lied and made me feel crazy Jac: because I feel crazy Jac: I fucking am Jac: I just Jac: it's not like I left that conversation and told her Jac: I kept on and got with lads and pretended to like it, tried to Amelia: everything you said, everything you did Amelia: oh my god Amelia: I can't Amelia: I can't take this in Jac: like I said, it's fucking karma Jac: I fucked it with you and it happened to me Amelia: I'm supposed to feel what, that she queerbaited you? Happy? validated? Jac: I don't know Jac: probably Amelia: did you know how you felt about her when I told you how I felt? Jac: why? Amelia: because you told me over and over again that you liked boys and you'd change that if you could Jac: yes, and I told her the same thing Jac: and I acted accordingly Amelia: I've spent so long feeling horrible for putting you in that position and none of it was real Jac: it was real Jac: I don't want to be Jac: I want to be straight Amelia: it isn't a choice Amelia: and you can't just twist everything to make it one Jac: acting or not acting on it is Amelia: so why did you choose to act on it by kissing her, if that's what you think? Jac: it was a mistake Jac: when we left Jac: after Is Jac: and it was just us Jac: then it destroyed everything and she's literally run away Amelia: and then you destroyed what was left after she'd gone Jac: yes Amelia: great Jac: I'm aware Amelia: are you? Amelia: for years I thought things were one way only to be told they weren't and now you're telling me an entirely different story again Amelia: 🤯 Jac: because we don't live in the ideal world where I accept myself for liking girls and I choose the right one and we live happily ever after Jac: we live in the world where I kissed Savannah and she looked at me like I was the boy who assaulted Isabelle Jac: and that's how I feel about it, and I would rather pretend to be straight forever, and have no real friends again, than have to do that, and feel that disgust again Amelia: we live in a world that doesn't revolve around Savannah fucking Moore Amelia: because she doesn't accept you, you can't accept yourself? No Jac: it's not her fault Jac: the rules don't make no fucking sense Jac: do you know how often she told me she loved me, how beautiful I was, and smart and perfect and kind, that she wanted me in her life forever? Jac: but that doesn't mean she wants to kiss me Amelia: that's why it literally is her fault Amelia: she flirted with you more than I EVER have, or would dare to openly do because I would get called a predatory lesbian and she gets likes and follows Jac: but she meant it Jac: I know she did Jac: that's just friendship to her Jac: it's too confusing Amelia: you want her to have meant it the same way you did, like I wanted you to with me Jac: but I did Jac: I lied Jac: so I know it doesn't make a difference now Jac: but still, you weren't wrong and I did, I am, whatever Jac: it was shitty to lie, I know, I accept it Jac: but she meant it all but she is straight...how does that work Amelia: I don't know Amelia: straight people are weird Jac: I don't want to find that relatable Jac: I want to be normal Amelia: I'm not abnormal, shut up Jac: fine, straight Jac: I don't want to ever have to think about this ever again Amelia: why do you want it so bad? Jac: so I don't feel like this Jac: the not knowing Jac: how much it hurts Jac: boys are easy, I told you Amelia: because you don't like them Amelia: if you were straight you'd get hurt just the same Amelia: you said it, Valentina's no different than a lad Jac: lads just like me Jac: I've never kissed any lad and had them recoil Amelia: they liked me too, it doesn't mean I had to like them back Jac: I mean it's not the same Jac: if a lad didn't like me, he'd have reasons Amelia: loads of girls like you too, I was friends with them for a bit, I heard all that gossip Amelia: Savannah's reason is that she doesn't like girls, any of them Jac: but she loves me Jac: more than she ever did Ty, I fucking know it Amelia: not like that, like Is loved us Jac: I can't stand it Amelia: I know Jac: you know I am sorry Jac: don't you Amelia: yeah Jac: you just had come so far and had done so much work Jac: it wasn't fair Jac: what I did wasn't, but it wouldn't have been to act on it, when I wanted so badly to be straight, for everything I did tell you to be true Amelia: no, I was in exactly the same place that we left each other in Amelia: you're not the only one who can lie Jac: I'm just so sorry but that's worth fuck all Jac: I hate how stupid all of it seems now Jac: redundant Jac: but that's close to a fair punishment, I suppose Amelia: you've already been punished Amelia: and sorry always means something when it's a real one Jac: I feel Jac: I don't Jac: I'm broken Jac: I don't even want to be a person now Amelia: I don't want to find that relatable Amelia: but it is Jac: fuck's sake Jac: see, why would I choose this? Jac: even if they're weird, this never happens to straight people Amelia: of course it does Amelia: Savannah's parents are fucked Jac: just because they don't love each other no more Jac: when they got together, I'm sure they both knew Amelia: still, her mum's so broken she's barely a person Jac: all I'm saying is we're getting dangerously close to comparing being gay to a mental illness Jac: which is what homophobes say and I'm not trying to be the confirmation Amelia: it's not being gay, it's loving the wrong person Amelia: there are happy gays, I've met some Amelia: and your brother isn't being held back by it Jac: don't get me started Amelia: Jude's love life is messier than his Amelia: more dramatic Jac: he'll end up with a girl Amelia: you don't know that Jac: wait and see Amelia: yeah, I'll stalk him from afar like a fangirl Amelia: 🤢 Jac: it's not the same either Amelia: you love a competition Jac: yeah, this is so much fun Jac: him and Jude are the same Jac: it doesn't mean anything to them, so they aren't getting hurt Jac: they don't care, it's not serious Amelia: you've got me, we're very much the same Amelia: in this anyway Jac: I don't want to love anyone ever again Amelia: then don't Jac: that's why I have no friends Amelia: yeah well you don't need them, that's the line and the lie, right? Jac: it's not funny Jac: I can't be trusted Jac: with any kind of relationship with a girl Amelia: I'm not laughing because me either Amelia: I make bad choices and I'm proven stupid, remember Jac: it's so fucking isolating Amelia: school is anyway Amelia: we're all in boxes Jac: you never used to hate it this much Amelia: now you understand how much I hate everything Amelia: how exhausted I am Amelia: it'd be nice to have the solidarity if it wasn't so horrible Jac: I'm just trying to get used to it Jac: accept it Amelia: at least you don't have to see her every day Amelia: maybe that'll make it different Jac: I never get to see her again Amelia: you don't know that either Jac: I do Jac: she's unlikely to stop by when she's seeing her mum Amelia: you verbally recoiled from me, ruined my birthday, nobody would call it likely that we're talking Jac: naive optimism is exactly what got you here Jac: don't even need to scroll for the reminder Amelia: ouch Amelia: you always find new ways to hurt me Jac: you really did just say you made bad choices and were stupid Jac: continuing this conversation is just another one for the list, probably Amelia: I can say it and do so you don't need to Jac: alright, alright Amelia: you're blocked though, this is the only place you could try to Jac: I could make another post but the point has been made well enough I reckon Amelia: it's not my birthday now so there's no point Amelia: ⛅ Jac: sod you then Jac: don't want you getting the wrong impression Amelia: 😂 bit late for that Jac: yeah Amelia: my dad'll be up soon I'll just wait ☕ Amelia: don't need you to entertain me any further Jac: you gonna tell him about your shit birthday Amelia: I'll tell them both we broke up and they'll be thrilled Amelia: it's all they want to hear Jac: you can tell them it was my fault, it doesn't matter to me Amelia: why would I do that? Jac: dunno, but having someone else's parents take over and shout at me for a bit might be mildly entertaining Amelia: they think I'm over you, they want me to be better Amelia: I'm not going to ruin the lie Jac: rude Jac: but fine Jac: guess you don't owe me Amelia: no, I don't Jac: enjoy your coffee then Amelia: it'll taste disgusting like it always does Amelia: the biggest lie of all Jac: you aren't as exhausted and sad as you say you are Jac: the taste would've been acquired by now, you massive child Amelia: I've had to hide it longer than you Amelia: I'm just more skilled and hilarious Jac: so you're better at being sad? Jac: and I love a competition 🙄 Amelia: 😏 Amelia: I've acquired a taste for anything with a high enough alcohol content, there you go Jac: I was drunk before I got there and that was still apparent Amelia: haven't needed stitches yet Jac: that's something Jac: anyway, how'd you figure you've had to hide it longer? Amelia: because I have Amelia: you were sitting pretty on a ☁ with Savannah for ages Amelia: nothing could touch you up there Jac: that's where you're wrong Amelia: I'm not letting you win again Jac: 😏 Jac: it's not like I was fucking boys because I thought I wanted to Amelia: okay 🏆 no need to make me cry thinking about that Jac: they aren't that bad Jac: well, usually Jac: just not as interesting, it didn't make sense Jac: why we would waste time we could be together instead Amelia: it's really sad Amelia: as 💔 it was seeing you with lads, I thought it was at least what you wanted Jac: they aren't the ones that made me 💔 Amelia: I know but Amelia: I can't imagine doing that, or how it would make me feel if I thought I had to Jac: well you're much softer than I am Amelia: excuse me, it took you years to break me, Savannah did the same to you in 1 Amelia: you're not that hard Jac: I think that says more about Savannah than it does you Jac: but alright Amelia: right, because she's so perfect Amelia: I actually can't compete Jac: shut up Amelia: it's true Jac: it isn't that simple, I keep saying Amelia: it's as simple as you've already said, she's straight and I'm not Amelia: it was safer for you, except it wasn't Jac: you make it sound Jac: ugh Amelia: isn't it? Jac: you think I'm a right cold, calculating bitch Jac: and I'm not saying you're wrong but it was nice when you thought otherwise Amelia: we can't go back, you really drilled that into me Jac: I know Jac: oh well Amelia: oh well? that's the best you can do, yeah? Amelia: doesn't sound very calculating and well planned out Jac: because it's all over Jac: the only thing I've got left is uni and the career I want Jac: nothing else can or is going to exist Amelia: that's more than I've got Amelia: I haven't exactly been concentrating on my app Jac: well you're going to run away and find your Thelma aren't you Amelia: you ruined that fantasy with reality Jac: yeah right Jac: you're still a hopeless romantic Amelia: with a 🚗 I can't drive yet Jac: have you had any lessons yet Amelia: no Amelia: I keep asking my dad but he's always too busy Jac: go ask him now Amelia: I've drank too much to go now Jac: well duh but he'll feel so bad for you he'll make time tomorrow or whatever Amelia: and we're back to calculating Jac: someone has to if you wanna be wild and free Amelia: 😂 Jac: how early is it Jac: will the library be open Amelia: it's weird that the library is still open at any hour Amelia: you're literally the only person who ever goes there Jac: excuse me, only child Jac: you try and study with a house full of annoying kids and dogs Amelia: I'm fine with a 🏠 swap, I don't feel like studying Jac: yeah only if you make it permanent Amelia: you wouldn't take my guest room for a night, I don't think I'd be able to make that happen Jac: because you were there Amelia: rude Jac: sensible Amelia: nothing's going to happen Jac: yeah exactly Amelia: what does that mean? Jac: it means we aren't going to be friends Amelia: why not? Jac: I told you why Amelia: I'm not asking you to care about me, I'm saying I'm here for you Jac: No Jac: I wasn't joking when I said I can't have friends Amelia: I know you weren't Jac: that includes you Jac: especially you Amelia: okay Jac: okay Amelia: good morning then Jac: 👋