#one is not better than the other the human experience is just very varied and diverse

[pickled-flowers]

Sex positivity is also about not calling Ace people prude and using virgin as an insult 👍 hope that helps

#sex positivity is also respecting sex lives that dont look like yours #or lack thereof #and insulting people by saying they dont fuck make you sound stupid <3 #im sorry i just cant take people who use their sex lives as a flex seriously its just not my thing! #like yea having lots of kinky sex is cool but not having sex and not being interested by sex is also cool #one is not better than the other the human experience is just very varied and diverse #its normal you wont understand everyone your brain isnt even made to comprehend how many human there are in the world #but we should all have spaces to navigate our sex lives as we wish even if that means interacting with sex as a subject as little as possibl

[bucketsofmonsters]

In the Name of Science

cw: voyeurism, mutual masturbation, vaginal penetration, non human genitalia, knotting, size difference, fainting, chronic illness, implied animal death, medical abuse of the monsters

male werewolf x afab reader

word count: 9k

“Have you lost it? Absolutely not!” You snapped at the three scientists in front of you, the anger evident in your voice. 

“You will have complete privacy and it’s not like we’re asking you to sleep with him…” 

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. “Yeah, I certainly hope not! This is so absurd, I cannot believe you’re asking me this.”

You went to storm out of the room when one of the scientists who had sat you down to very gently talk to you grabbed your arm. “Listen, you are the only one he responds to. We wouldn’t ask you this if there was any other way to do it, if we want to study his reproductive system...”

“No! It’s invasive and weird and I’m not doing it! You put him through enough as it is.”

That seemed to spark their interest. “Hold on, are you saying no for his comfort or yours?”

That was a question you weren’t prepared to get into, at least not with three scientists. “It doesn’t matter. Anyways, I have shit to do, can I go now?”

They didn’t want to drop the matter but you were clearly not changing your mind so they let you storm out and go about your day. 

You weren’t a scientist. Your job leaned closer to zoo keeper. Someone had to take care of all the monsters that were being studied here and the scientists certainly weren’t doing it. 

They weren’t entirely wrong. Most of the creatures here responded better to you than anyone else but in all fairness, you were the one who was feeding them and talking to them, everyone else they saw on a regular basis spent most of their time poking at them and doing tests on them, of course they liked you the most. 

With many of your monsters you were friends. You had developed truces of varying strengths with most of them and at the very least, you attempted to understand them. That’s more than most of the people who worked here could say. 

They were all sentient, most to human levels, they deserved more respect than just being experiments and you seemed the only one inclined to give them that level of dignity. 

Sometimes subjects would mysteriously drop off of your roster, nowhere to be seen. A few weeks later their room would be filled once more. You always prayed they couldn't sense that they weren't the first to live there, that creatures here didn't tend to have particularly long shelf lives. They were going through enough without that fear in them. The most you could do was give them all the dignity and companionship you could. You tried not to think about it too much but it haunted you all the same.

You had a favorite. Everyone knew it, him included. All he had was a number, subject 251. You would never call him that, call any of the subjects by their numbers. You opted instead for pet names and terms of endearment, which none of them seemed to mind. 

This one in particular, subject 251, had taken a clear interest in you. That was how they saw it, a sudden and unexplainable attachment to you. You could have told them otherwise if they ever bothered to ask. But that was most of the problem you supposed, they never did. 

He’d been an issue when you’d first arrived, the one monster you were warned about over and over again. ‘Be careful with 251.’ The idea of letting anyone get near him was so far from anyone’s minds. You were the newbie so you were given him on your roster. 

You understood it. You too would be difficult if you were imprisoned and studied. 

You’d given him what you could in terms of privacy and respect. You never tried to push, gave him as much autonomy as you were able to, despite him being a prisoner here. You spoke to him like a person, not an inconvenience or a rabid animal. 

Most importantly, when he got angry or lashed out, none of that changed. Human decency was never something he had to earn, no matter how many times he threatened to slash your throat open.

Eventually, he started to talk back. At first you just thought it was because he was lonely, of course he would be when he was stuck in a room by himself, day in and day out. But after a while, it became clear that it wasn’t conversation just for the sake of it. 

When more newbies came you refused to give him up, making as much space for him in your day as you could. You knew that he noticed the way you were staying longer and longer but he never called you on it. In fact, one day he asked you to stay. 

After that you were inseparable. His attitude hadn’t shifted with anyone else but with you he was perfect. That became a bargaining chip, both of you swearing he’d behave better if you were allowed to give him his food in person, if you were allowed to stay longer, if he could have some little things to make his life easier. 

The two of you had formed an alliance and more importantly, a friendship. 

A few months ago you’d taken a vacation for a week and had been immediately called back because he’d become unmanageable. From what you’d heard, he almost ripped his temporary handler in half and managed to get halfway out of the facility before they were able to neutralize him.

When you came back you tried to explain to him that he couldn’t be doing this, that sometimes you might leave for a while and he needed to not massacre the staff. He was virulently against it, telling you he needed to keep his eye on you, to make sure you were okay. 

No amount of reassurance stopped this instinct and just like that, you became vital personel. In his frenzy to get you back he gave you something else, job security. 

That was why you could tell those scientist in no unclear terms to go fuck themseleves. But then again, your relationship with him was the reason they asked you about it at all. 

You shook your head, trying to forget your discussion with them. You were glad you were there to shut them down, to be able to provide even a modicum of privacy to at least one of your creatures. 

As you pushed the interaction out of your mind in favor of starting your day, you noticed someone you’d never seen before. She was a new keeper, one like yourself. You’d asked to be able to vet new employees but you’d been denied. Despite becoming vital personel, they still didn’t take you seriously. 

She seemed nervous but in all fairness to her, it was probably her first day. Most people were a little on edge on the first day on any job, let alone one where you were caring for restless, angry creatures that could kill you in a heartbeat. 

You gave her a wave before you picked up the big, metal box off the table, shifting it towards the metal door it was destined for. 

“Hiya, what’s your name?” you called as you heaved the box over. Surely there was a less heavy mechanism you could use to deliver dinner, you’d have to pester the scientists about that when you got the chance. Everything in solid metal seemed like a great idea when you were planning but they didn’t have the carry the things. 

“Sam,” she said, hurrying over to help you carry the box the last couple of feet before you both dropped it on the floor. 

The second it touched the ground, something from inside rammed into the door, sending a crash echoing through the hall. As soon as Sam heard the noise she screamed and went running. 

She wouldn’t last a week. The easily spooked ones never did. 

This was why you wanted to help with finding new keepers. They never prepared them right, never asked the right questions. People got in with promises that they loved animals and that they were ever so caring as if that was in any way relevant. 

What you really needed was to be good with people, really weird nonhuman people, and be very good at conflict resolution. You weren’t caring for lions and zebras, these were intelligent, terrifying creatures. It was hard to know exactly what kind of person would thrive here but it was easy to tell who wouldn’t be able to last. 

You banged back on the door as you turned from the hallway Sam had gone running down. “Behave or you're not getting lunch,” you called through the wall and you hoped they’d understand.

You slid the metal box right up to the hatch at the bottom of the door, hooking them together so the room was still airtight, and slid the door of the trap upwards. 

The faint sound of a bunny hopping across metal floors hit your ears and you shut both panels, unhooking the box and carrying it away as the creature was left to hunt.  

That was mainly what you did, feed them with no contact allowed. They wouldn’t let you inside most of their rooms, you had to fight for the few that you did get to see. For most, you were lucky if you got to see them through a window. 

Your favorite part of the day came last. It didn't previously but you’d had to push it to the end of the day lately because you were never sure when you’d be able to leave. He always tried to convince you to stay just a little longer and you rarely had the heart to shut him down, at least not the first time he asked. 

Eventually you did always have to leave. You couldn’t stay in the sterile, white room lined with metal forever. 

Before the decontamination chamber, there was a big observation room you had to pass through with a window facing into his cell and you could never quite help the massive smile that plastered itself across your face every day when you first laid eyes on him through the glass. 

All of the blankets and pillows they’d given him were scrunched up in the corner, a little pile he was often laying on when you came in. Not today though. Today he was waiting by the door and as soon as he spotted you through that window his tail began to wag furiously.

You couldn’t help but giggle, eagerly running through the decontamination room so you could see him. 

When you first laid eyes on him on your very first shift, you’d thought he was a werewolf. Most of the creatures here were hard to understand but a few were familiar concepts, things you’d seen the likes of before in movies. 

The scientists had scoffed at you, told you he was nothing like a werewolf, he didn’t even have a human form. You still thought the comparison was apt.

He was undeniably wolf-like, covered in silver fur, with pointy ears and a muzzle and a big fluffy tail. There was something undeniably human about him too. He stood on two legs and spoke like a person and there was something in his eyes that felt so familiar. 

“Hey buddy, how’re you doing?” you asked as you entered the room and were finally able to properly set eyes on that familiar face. 

He couldn’t get too close. You both knew he couldn't or, despite the massive fit he would inevitably throw, they wouldn’t let you come back. You could see him holding himself back every time you came near him, clearly wanting to smother you in affection. 

He responded quickly, eager to check in with you. “I’m fine. How are you feeling? Are you alright?”

No matter how many times you told him that you were fine he was always worried. 

You brushed him off with a gentle, “I’m alright, like I always am,” while carrying his dinner in. 

He mostly ate meat, although he was alright with not eating live animals, unlike many of the other creatures here. That was why you’d been allowed in here at all. No matter how well they got along with you, you were never allowed in the room with any of the active hunters. 

It was probably for the best. At least that way they wouldn’t bond with you the way this one had. 

You dropped the tray of raw steaks near his pile of blankets, his eyes tracking you as you moved. His head lifted and he sniffed the air. 

“Still gotta take care of the others, bud,” you said, preempting the inevitable comment you knew he was going to make about your scent. 

He grumbled. You knew he didn’t like it, them getting near you, the way he could smell the others on you, but there wasn’t much you could do about it. No matter how many times you decontaminated yourself, he always seemed to be able to smell it. 

He dropped the issue, though you could tell he didn’t want to. Instead, his head fell to the side and he asked, “Are you upset about something?”

You were never sure how he managed to read you so well. He kept telling you it was because you were bonded but you weren’t certain what that meant. He didn’t seem capable of explaining it to you. The concept was just second nature to him and you couldn’t ask any of the scientists about it. Perhaps more accurately, you wouldn’t ask the scientists about it. You weren’t sure if they knew themselves and you’d die before giving them any more information than they already had. 

“Did my scent tell you that?” you asked with a smile, trying to brush past it.

He was undeterred. “Did they do something to you?”

You waved off his concerns. “No, don’t worry about it, they just wanted me to do something weird and I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“What?”

You had no clue how to explain it to him. 

You attempted to put it as tactfully as you possibly could. “They wanted me to… stimulate you. Just visually, I think, from the observation room. They want to study your reproductive system and they think that’s the best way to go about it for whatever reason. It’s super weird, I obviously said no so you don’t need to worry about it.” 

“Stimulate me?”

“Like, touch myself or something. I don’t know, I didn’t give them the time of day so I’m a little foggy on the details. Not that it matters, it’s creepy either way.”

“They made you uncomfortable?” You could see him getting angrier. 

“No! I meant creepy towards you! It’s invasive. I wouldn’t mind but I’m not the one being observed and documented.” That came out wrong. “Not that I wouldn’t mind!” you quickly added defensively. “That’s not what I meant! Just that I’m not the one who should be made uncomfortable by all this, you know?”

He seemed confused by your words, trying to parse their meaning. You couldn’t blame him, you’d turned into a bit of a mess for a while there. After a long deliberation he finally responded, “I don’t mind either.”

“What?”

“I’m observed either way, this way I get to see you.”

He’d always been direct but this was a bit much, even for him. “Are you saying you want me to do it?”

“Are you uncomfortable?”

“Not really.” Feeling a little shy right now, maybe, but you certainly weren’t uncomfortable. 

“Then I want you to do it.”

You weren’t sure what to make of that. You had his permission now, so it was all on you. If you did do it, you certainly wouldn’t be doing it to help out the scientists. So why would you be doing it? Because he wanted you to? Or maybe you felt a tug towards saying yes for more selfish reasons. 

“Your face is getting hot,” he noted, ever so helpful. 

“Yup, that it is. Well, this has been a fun meeting, I will see you tomorrow bud.”

Now he was upset. “You just got here.”

“I’ll stay extra long tomorrow,” you promised. “I just got a headache and I need to go lie down for a while, I’ll see you later.”

You hadn’t completely been lying. You did have a headache, although that was more the norm these days. 

You’d started to feel sick more and more frequently. You were convinced it was this place, with all the creatures and substances here that you knew little to nothing about. Being here so often couldn’t be good for you. You had no other explanation for why you felt so woozy all the time, why you couldn’t quite shake these headaches, why your legs sometimes just gave out on you. 

Before you headed home and took a well earned painkiller, you stopped by one of the control rooms that always had a scientist or two milling around inside.

You poked your head in the door and just said, “I’ll do it,” not staying to witness the aftermath. 

The next day you were a bundle of nerves. You probably looked like Sam had the day before. You felt like you were floating through your duties, thinking about the end of the day. That morning you’d been pulled aside by the same three scientists and told that today you’d have to slide subject 251’s meal under the door and then you were to stimulate him as best you could from behind the glass. 

They’d reassured you dozens of times that there would be no record of your activities. Subject 251 got no such reassurances.

He lit up as he usually did the second he saw you but instead of decontaminating yourself and stepping inside, you slid the plate under the door. 

“I can’t come in today,” you said as you walked up to the window, cursing the upset written all over his face. 

“Why?” He searched your face, trying to understand. It didn’t take long before it clicked. “Oh. I won’t get near you, I know I’m not allowed to. Or hurt you, if that’s what they’re worried about.”

“I know you won’t, they just don’t trust you when your hormone levels are high. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“So you decided to do it?”

“As long as you're alright with it, I couldn’t see why not.”

You probably should have. Somewhere in you you were aware that most people would see why not, that this would be an insane decision. But the only barrier in your way had been his comfort and he seemed more than comfortable with the idea. 

As much as you knew he was the one being investigated, you could help but feel like you were being studied under his unblinking gaze. His eyes refused to move anywhere else, content to just stare at you through the glass as you tried to figure out how to proceed. 

You were the one to break the silence. “I’m not really sure how to do this, there isn’t exactly a manual for this sort of thing.”

“What do they want your goal to be?” he prompted you. 

“To arouse you.” Those three words were the gist of it, despite the lengthy, boring mission statements you’d been given that morning. 

“And what is your goal?”

That one was harder to answer. Maybe you should start writing mission statements for yourself as well. “I’m not sure.”

“But you’re here.”

And so you were. 

“What do you want me to do?” Your chest felt tight as you asked, like you couldn’t quite manage to get enough oxygen. You’d meant the question genuinely but it felt like it came out sounding suggestive. 

“Can I see you?”

You understood what he meant but you paused anyways. You didn’t know what you were waiting for, you’d made your decision the second you said you’d be here and yet, you still hesitated. 

You checked the room for cameras again, making sure there were none. You knew there weren’t any and it honestly felt like you were stalling, trying to give yourself more time to think. Not that you could think properly right now.

He didn’t have the same luxury of knowing that he wasn’t being watched. The cameras pointed away from the window, positioned tactically so they didn’t look through but he was being fully captured, no matter where he stood.

Once you’d taken your moment and given yourself time to think that you hadn’t used, there was nothing left to do. As you started to get undressed, you rushed to take your clothes off. Anything slower felt like teasing and that was the last thing you wanted. You looked back to him when you’d finished pulling them off, not sure what for. You know exactly what he wanted to see next but you wanted to hear him say it.

His eyes roamed over you, they couldn’t seem to get enough, darting across your body. 

You felt incredibly warm, despite your lack of clothes and the cold environment. 

He was much closer to the glass now, practically pressed against it. You could tell exactly how slow and belabored his breathing was as it fogged the glass in front of you. You couldn’t help but let out a little laugh at the sight, him peering through the newly frosted glass.

His head cocked to the side at the sound. “Are you having fun torturing me?” he asked, his tone playful.

“I’m not torturing you,” you insisted. “You’re the one who wanted me to do this.”

“I said I want to see you.”

You hopped up on a chair, spreading your legs for him as you did. You knew he could see exactly how wet you were.

It was almost embarrassing, all you'd done was strip for him and you were already soaking.

Your onlooker didn’t seem to agree with that assessment, instead pressing up even closer to the glass, pawing at it. 

You’d believed him when he said that if you were in there with him he wouldn’t touch you but you didn’t appreciate until now just how hard that probably would have been for him. Maybe the window separating you was a small mercy, although it certainly didn’t feel like that as you dipped your hand slowly down, becoming more comfortable with putting on a show for him, until you reached your center and pressed your fingers inside yourself. 

You could see his nostrils flaring, wanting to be able to smell you but unable to. 

The tip of his cock poked through his fur. That’s what they’d wanted to see, you supposed the scientists would be pleased. 

You couldn’t take your eyes off of it, couldn’t stop imagining it inside you, how strong he was, how effortlessly he could pick you up and thrust inside you, how he’d fill you up so completely. You couldn’t even see the whole thing, much of it hidden within his thick fur,  but you could tell it was big. 

He wasn’t even touching himself, just staring at you, watching how your lips fell open and your forehead creased when you rubbed over your clit, listening to the little noises you let out despite your attempts to be quiet. You wanted nothing more than to go to him. 

“I need to touch you,” he whined, sharing your sentiment. 

“We can't, this is all we get.”

He huffed as he fell back, bucking forwards into the air against nothing, his desperation clear. You should be in there, helping him, but instead you were getting off watching him rutt into nothing

“This was a bad idea,” you said, your motions slowing as guilt washed over you.

“Don’t leave,” he pleaded. “Need you, just stay.”

His hand wrapped around his dick and you sped up your motions, set on at least putting on a good show for him. 

He was rutting desperately into his hand, his eyes never leaving you. You thrust three fingers inside of yourself and still it didn’t feel like enough.  

You were sure he felt much the same way and yet you could see him getting closer to his release.

You watched, entranced, as he came. Thick ropes of cum shot out of him all over the wall and the glass in front of him, his hand still tight around his cock. 

As soon as he came you stopped, your fingers pulling out, refusing to come, like some sort of self inflicted punishment. He pushed up against the glass once more as you stopped but there was nothing he could do. 

With no better options, you wiped your fingers as best you could on your clothes as you pulled them back on, promising yourself you’d wash them as soon as you left.

You rushed out before you had the chance to talk and regretted the decision the whole night. It had seemed like the easier option at the time, to not have to talk about it when all your conflicting feelings were swirling but now you just wished you’d gotten the chance to confirm that you hadn’t messed anything up.

The end of the day couldn’t come fast enough. You did your best to not rush through your duties, knowing exactly how costly a mistake could be in this place. 

Finally, the time arrived and you were back in that observation room again. This time you mercifully were able to enter, no longer stuck behind that damn window.

He seemed as composed as ever and you got the feeling that he hadn’t been worrying the way you had. The thumping of his tail behind him gave away his excitement, as it always did, but you detected no signs of nervousness. 

He studied you as you came in. “Something’s wrong,” he noted.

He always understood how you were feeling, he had some sort of sixth sense about it, but this time you were fairly certain that you weren’t difficult to read. You were sure you looked as worried as you felt. “Was it weird?” you asked, needing an answer as quickly as possible. “Please tell me I didn’t mess anything up between us.”

His head fell to the side. “Why would it be weird?”

“I don’t know, I think I feel like I helped them observe you.”

“They’re already observing me, why would it ruin our bond? Did you not want to?”

“No, just wanted to make sure I didn’t break anything.”

“You’re fine, we’re still intact.” He said it so plainly, like he was stating a fact. 

It all seemed to come so easily to him, his biggest problem was being locked up in this place. Much of what he did seemed like it was based on instinct. There was less thinking required that way, it seemed nice. 

He did, however, seem concerned about something.  “You didn’t finish.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the sudden change in topic. “That wasn’t really the point.”

“That’s always the point, making each other feel good. That’s what mates do.”

You mulled the word over in your head. Mates. Is that what he meant when he talked about your bond? Is that what you were? It didn’t feel right, like it couldn’t be a title that belonged to you. Surely you hadn’t earned that as you kept him here, trapped against his will. 

“What does that mean to you? Being mates?” you asked. 

You were afraid of giving intel to the scientists running this place but you wanted so badly to understand what that word meant to him, what you meant to him. 

As he spoke you started to feel woozy and your ever-present headache worsened. You leaned on the wall beside you as you tried to focus on his words. He reached out his arm to help you before quickly withdrawing it, remembering that he wasn't allowed to touch you or he could lose you. 

The dizziness got worse, despite your attempt to take some of the strain on your legs and you went to sit on the floor. You went down faster than you’d intended, your legs giving way underneath you as the headache overtook you and you hit the floor hard. 

When you woke up, your back was pressed to the wall and you were sitting on top of some blankets. The pile of blankets in the corner of the room, to be more specific. You were fairly sure you’d passed out across the room and you couldn’t help but wonder how you’d gotten over here.

As you cracked your eyes open, you saw subject 251 standing over you defensively. The food you’d brought him was still sitting at the end of the makeshift bed, completely untouched. That was odd, he normally ate it right after you left. Although, you supposed, you hadn’t quite managed to leave yet. Nonetheless, it did feel like a significant chunk of time had passed. 

“Hey,” you said, your voice low and wavering from your bout of unconsciousness. “You keeping me safe, big guy?”

A rumble came from deep in his throat as he continued to stand over you protectively. 

“What time is it,” you asked, trying to gather your bearings. 

“You’ve been out for a few hours,” he informed you. “They’ve been trying to get to you.”

Shit. Of course they had. You’d passed out next to what they considered to be one of their most dangerous creatures, of course they’d been trying to get to you, to get you out of there. 

As you tried to get up with a groan, he settled down next to you, pulling you back towards the blankets. You didn't try to fight him, knowing you didn’t have the strength to get up right now. You needed rest more than anything.

You quickly realized as you felt his warm fur next to you that this was the first time the two of you had ever touched one another. 

He’d always been good at following your rules, even if he wasn’t particularly fond of the scientists, and thus he’s always kept his distance, just as you’d informed him he had to. 

But now, after you’d collapsed, vulnerable, in front of him, you appeared to have found his limit in regards to following the rules. 

The beep of the intercom sounded and you heard a monotone voice fill the room. “We understand this is a delicate situation and we trust your instincts on the matter, if you need any kind of aid we have teams ready to go. Our first priority is your safety, do you have a way out of the enclosure?”

Your safety? After a moment it hit you what they were implying. 

“Don’t worry about me,” you called out. “I’m fine. If anything's going to kill me it’s whatever this damn lab has done to me, not this guy.”

The intercom beeped off but you knew they were still listening. 

His gaze immediately turned to you, his face questioning. “What did you say? Is being here killing you?” he asked, his voice soft and measured. 

You’d avoided mentioning it for so long, not wanting to worry him, but now you didn’t really have a choice. “I don’t think this place is good for me bud. To be honest if it weren’t for you I probably would have left ages ago but I just can’t stomach the idea of leaving you here alone.”

His head cocked to the side. “It’s… hurting you?”

A wry chuckle escaped you. “Well, something certainly is. People don’t typically faint for no reason.”

“Why are you here if it hurts you?”

“I can’t leave you behind, it’d break my heart.”

“You’re hurt because of me.”

“No!” you immediately replied, refusing to let him blame himself. “That’s not it, I want to stay.”

“But it hurts?”

“But it hurts,” you conceded. 

You couldn’t stand to look at those sad eyes, opting instead to shut yours and snuggle into his warm side. “Listen, we can talk about this some other time, okay? Right now I’m just going to enjoy this.”

He nuzzled right back into you, immediately giving in to your actions. “Little mate.” he purred, curling around you protectively. 

You didn’t have the heart to correct him. And maybe it wasn’t just for his sake. Maybe now, curled up, feeling safe and warm, you wanted to pretend you really were his little mate too. 

You woke up to the sound of the intercom going off once again. 

“He called you his mate,” it stated. “This isn’t an ideal scenario but we don’t know much about mates and you’re already in there and anything you might do would be extremely advantageous to our research.”

You groaned in annoyance as you leaned back into your warm, living blanket. His ears perked up as he tried to understand what they were saying. He looked to you for clarification. You were often the translator between them, the scientists always speaking in stilted language and hidden meanings that many of your creatures had a hard time parsing. 

“They want me to have sex with you,” you clarified and immediately he hunched further over you. 

“I won't let them see my little mate like that, no. Absolutely not, no no no.” The mere idea immediately worked him into a little frenzy, leaving him muttering to himself as he tried to shield you from the cameras. 

Your hand rose to caress his face and he leaned into your touch, calming down again. It didn’t take long before he fell back into place, curling around you once more. 

Being able to touch you seemed to bring out a whole other side to him. You’d never seen him this affectionate or possessive, something seemed to have been set off in him that hadn’t been before. 

Something had changed within you as well. The idea of having to return to the way things were before made you feel sick, you wanted to be able to hold him and comfort him like this all the time. Now you knew what you were missing as you stood away from each other, unable to get close. 

Even breaking the rules as you were, it couldn’t last forever. Eventually you could no longer ignore your growling stomach and you convinced him that you needed to leave, that you’d be back tomorrow. 

He told you not to come.

Your heartbreak barely had the chance to set in before he was quickly elaborating, telling you again and again that he didn’t want you to stay if it was hurting you. 

You brushed him off, at least that time. 

A few weeks later, it was your last day of work you’d ever attend. Ever since that day when you’d fainted and subject 251 had stood guard over you, he’d been insistent upon you leaving. It was quite a change from the norm, he went from being the reason you were guaranteed a job here, why you didn’t want to leave and go home in the evenings, to being the thing pushing you out. You could tell it was eating him alive, the thought that you staying was hurting you. He was obsessively insistent that you leave and get yourself to safety.

You’d never been good at saying no to that face.

So, after agonizing over the decision, awash with guilt, you turned in your two weeks notice. 

You were selfish about it. You didn’t tell him for a while, wanting to pretend that everything was fine for just a bit longer.

You let it go on longer than you should have. 

It was your last day here, the last time you’d ever see him, and he had no idea. 

You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry, for his sake more than yours, but you kept finding yourself tearing up no matter how hard you tried. 

As you opened the door to the observation room and headed through decontamination, your stomach dropped. 

He wasn’t excited this time. 

He didn’t say anything. He just looked down at you, not asking if something was wrong as you’d become so accustomed to him doing. He didn’t have to

You didn’t speak for fear of immediately bursting into tears and eventually he spoke for the both of you. 

“You aren’t coming back.”

You buried your face in your hands, trying to make sure he didn’t see you like this. You wanted his last memory of you to be better than this, to give him something more solid to hold onto.

The best you could manage was poorly stifled tears. 

All you wanted was to hug him. To lurch forwards and wrap your arms around him and never let go. 

But you couldn’t. If you did, you weren’t the one who would be punished. You couldn’t do that to him. 

You spent the rest of the day just sitting there, existing in one another’s presence. Trying to soak one another in before it was too late. 

You didn’t speak. There was little to say that wasn’t understood between you. You finally got it, that last day. You felt the pull of his grief on the other end of your bond, something connecting you.

You weren’t sure if it was something undefinable and otherworldly or just complete understanding of one another but either way, it was real. 

As you stood up to leave you searched for something, anything you could say to make all of this right. 

“You know I love you, don’t you?” you asked. It was the most important thing in the world to you right now, you just needed to make sure. 

“Of course I do.”

And then you left your mate behind. 

Nothing felt real after that. You knew you couldn't stay there but the idea of there being an after hadn’t really occurred to you. 

What were you supposed to do now? Just live knowing he was out there, alone? You couldn’t make sense of anything, the whole world seemed muted and suffocating. 

An alarm blared suddenly overhead, making you jump. It wasn’t an uncommon experience. Most of the creatures here were difficult to hold, whether it was because of inhuman strength or an unusual viscosity or any other number of oddities they held. It wasn’t your problem anymore, you thought as you gathered your things, trying to get near an exit so as soon as the lockdown cut out you’d be able to leave.

You wanted to get home and wallow, to mourn the loss of this place, of your friend. 

You were more careless than you should have been. Normally you were tactful and moved with intention but not this time, this time you just wanted to get out. That was your mistake. 

Something massive and vaguely reptilian came smashing around the corner, immediately setting its sights on you. You could tell it was in a frenzy, that it was out for blood after breaking out of its hellscape of a prison.

You couldn’t blame it, even as it came barreling towards you to rip it in two. It wasn’t the creature's fault, you wouldn’t blame it. 

It never made it all the way down the hallway. Instead its scaly feet came to a screeching halt as a wall of fur blocked its path, growling at the creature. It clearly didn’t want to test its luck and went barrelling down the hallway in the other direction, looking for easier prey to take out its wrath on. 

Subject 251 turned and made eye contact with you, looking uncertain. He used to break out frequently, he’d taken out plenty of humans when he had, but since you’d formed your little truce he’d stayed put for you.

You wondered if his breakout this time had been because he could somehow sense you were in danger or because you were leaving and he no longer had anything to keep him where he was. 

It didn’t matter. At the end of the day there he was, in front of you. You had a decision to make. One look at that big, eager face and you instantly knew it wouldn’t be a hard one. 

You reached out towards him and he instantly came to you. 

As many times as there were breakouts, the creatures rarely made it outside the facility but then again, they also rarely had the facility’s star employee at their side with nothing to lose. 

“I think I can get you out, do you want to go?” Your words were frantic. You needed to move quickly if you wanted to have any chance to get out of there.

He didn’t even have to think about his response, nodding eagerly and trailing behind you the second you took off.

The alarms were still blaring overhead, screeching and causing your ears to ring. You knew exactly which doors would have the least guarding, especially in the middle of a breakout. 

You knew all the override codes and quickly ushered him through doors that otherwise would have been deadlocked. 

As you headed out the last doorway you ran straight into a scientist, one you’d seen in passing before. 

He was clearly already panicked from the breakout, the sight of a massive werewolf standing behind you was probably not helping matters. 

“You’re going to want to let us through,” you informed him.

Behind you, the monster that they’d kept imprisoned for so many years snarled and the man looked like he might drop dead from fear, quickly sidling up to the wall and getting as far out of your way as possible. 

You’d never been so grateful that you lived a short walk from the lab. You had no idea how you would have gotten the two of you home if you’d needed to drive. Eventually it would prove to be a problem, when they inevitably came for him, but that was an issue for another day. 

He ducked his head to get inside, taking in your home before quickly moving towards your bed and stripping it of all its blankets, instead opting to make a little nest out of them on your floor. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to stop him. You could give up your bed for a little while, he’d more than earned some comfort after everything he’d been put through. 

Before you even realized what was happening, you were being pulled into the small pile of pillows and blankets beside him.

The warm comfort of him by your side was more than welcome. You’d been dreading the idea of coming home to a cold, lonely house all day, knowing you’d lost your best friend. Your mate. 

Having him here was all you could ever ask for. 

“They’re going to come after you, you know,” you informed him, the thought endlessly circling your mind, refusing to die down.

He seemed to misunderstand your concern for him as worry for your own safety as he pulled you into his side protectively. “I won’t let them get you.”

You quickly succumbed to the closeness, cuddling into him in the little nest. “As long as you don’t let them get you either.”

You felt a rumble run through his chest and you couldn’t tell if it was in acknowledgement of your words or if he was amused that you thought you even had to ask. 

He started rearranging the blankets around you, making sure you were comfortable before fully setting in, manhandling you around as he sorted things out. Finally, as he settled, you ended up basically in his lap.

Then you felt his tongue lap over your shoulder, him readjusting you to best be able to lick you.

“What’re you doing?” you asked with a giggle, partly at the situation and partly because he was tickling you.

“Grooming you,” he said before getting back to work, his tongue slowly lapping over your arm. 

You let him carry on with his work, trying your best not to focus on it. He was just trying to clean you, it wasn’t a big deal. 

Still, the endless sensation of his tongue roving your body sent sparks of arousal through you.

You heard him sniff the air and your face immediately warmed, knowing you’d been caught. 

“Couldn’t smell it through the glass,” he said, nose burying itself in your hair, as if he couldn’t get close enough to you and your scent. 

“Couldn’t feel you through the glass either,” you murmured, pushing back into him.

He started slowly pulling your clothes off but the grooming didn’t cease. He needed more skin to skin contact, removing the inconvenient barriers in his way. He worked slowly, drawing this out as long as possible. You could only guess he was attempting to torture you. His tongue was pressed against your bare skin, roving leisurely across your newly exposed chest and stomach. You could feel his hardening dick start to poke into you but he just kept licking. 

Eventually you grew impatient, your hand wandering down to grab his cock. It was hot and bigger than you thought it would be, its size disguised by his thick fur. He thrusted into your hand, a whine escaping him.

Your impatience proved to be a success as he wrapped his hands around your waist and lifted you. His hands almost completely encircled your midsection as he moved you effortlessly over his dick. 

His claws were digging into your sides as he positioned you, looking to you for permission. 

You nodded and you felt the tip of his dick press against you as he pushed you down onto it. He moved slowly, giving you time to adjust as he pressed into you, stretching you open. 

Finally, you felt your thighs meet his fur, straddling his waist with his hands still wrapped around you. 

He was everything your fingers could never be. You’d never felt so full and beautifully stretched in your life. 

You attempted to ride him, lifting up as best you could, but he was too big, it was too difficult to do. It didn’t take long for him to pull you back down anyways, his hands never straying from your sides. 

“It's my turn this time. And I promise you, this time you will come.”

He lifted you once more, thrusting you swiftly back down. You could see the bump it caused in your lower stomach when he thrusted all the way in. You barely had time to look at it before you were being lifted once more. 

“Touch yourself,” he said, his movements never faltering. 

You shifted to rub your clit as best you could as he pumped you up and down his shaft, using you like a toy. You had no control over the pace, being moved at his whim. 

The loss of control was exhilarating. The sharp movements inside you touched places you hadn’t even known existed, places you’d never be able to reach on your own. 

He was dead focused on you, intent on keeping his promise. Every time he did anything that drew a pleasured cry from you he’d chase after it, finding everything that made you tick.

“Let go for me, please,” he said, thrusting incessantly into you at the perfect angle, everything rapidly becoming overwhelming. Part of you wanted to stop touching yourself to lessen some of the all consuming stimulus but more of you wanted to be good for him, to do everything he asked. 

You were too far gone to respond to his plea, your head thrown back as all the pent up energy that you’d been ignoring for so long was released. He pumped you up and down his shaft as you touched yourself, guiding you through your orgasm. 

As you came down from your high, your eyes opened to meet his watching your face intently.

“Can you keep going?” he asked, holding you up so only the tip of his throbbing dick was inside you. 

“Please, I need you, want you to come,” you begged. 

He mercilessly thrusted you down again, now only concerned with his own pleasure. He chased his orgasm and you completely surrendered control, letting him move you as he pleased, do whatever he needed to in order to come. 

“You’re so soft, so tight, so perfect.” He started rambling, sounding like he barely knew he was speaking. “Wanted this for so long, to touch you. Dreamed about this.”

“Me too,” you gasped out, his pace still relentless. “I wanted you so badly.”

His breaths were coming faster and faster and he quickly asked, “Where should I…”

You didn’t even let him finish. “Inside”

He buried himself fully inside and you could feel the base of it swelling just inside your entrance, holding you two together as he filled you. He whined and grunted and held you as close as he could as the sticky fluid flooded your insides

“You’re going to be stuck like this for a while,” he said as he came down, still cradling you close to him and almost sounding sheepish.

“Good, I like how you fill me up.”

The words pulled a soft, instinctual thrust from him and you both whined at how sensitive you were.

“Stop flirting,” he hissed into your hair, hands resting on your hips, keeping the both of you from moving. 

“For now,” you conceded.

“Thank you,” he said, his hands roving over your form, claws lightly being drawn over your skin, raising goosebumps in their wake.

“For what?”

“For everything. For saving me.”

“The breakout was mostly you bud, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

His grip on you tightened, like he was afraid you’d slip through his fingers despite the fact that you were tied together and you couldn’t go anywhere even if you wanted to. 

But of course you didn’t want to. If you had anything to say about it, you wouldn’t be leaving him for a long long time. 

You didn’t know how you were going to move forwards, where you’d take him, how any of this would play out. Maybe they wouldn’t want to chase him down, it being a hazard to try and catch a creature that had been such an issue even when they were holding him in their specialized facility. Maybe it’d take years for them to give up. Maybe they’d never stop chasing him and you’d have to keep running and fighting for the rest of your lives. Maybe they’d catch you and all this work would have been for nothing. 

But it wasn’t nothing, you thought, wrapped up in his arms in the little nest of blankets he’d built for you on your floor, no looming goodbyes or rules against touching, no more being alone. Whatever happened, it was already worth it.

#terato #terato writing #monster x reader #werewolf x reader #monster bf #monster boyfriend #monster x human #werewolf x human #werewolf boyfriend #werewolf bf #I almost made this angsty but I didn't have the heart for it #my writing is guaranteed happy endings bc I'm a big sap #I keep writing werewolves that are just like perma werewolves with no human form #and I always feel weird calling them werewolves but idk what else to call them lol #werewolf-adjacent monster

[transmutationisms]

I have always been wary of the psychiatric industry, but its only very recently that i started to read anti-psychiatric works. Your blog is the first time i saw that the "chemical imbalances causing mental illness" is a myth, and honestly its something im having a hard time wrapping my head around.

Is it that mood regulation struggles, labelled as a mental illnesses, has more to do with outside factors instead of the person "just being that way"? Is it therefore unlikely for someone to have struggles with mood regulation if they cant identify any external causes that would cause them to be, for example, extremely agoraphobic or to have anger management issues? Im asking this for myself mainly, cause i always had intense agoraphobia no matter how i often go outside my home (in fact it was worse when i was a teen and i was outside the house in even more back then). I cant think of any reason for me to be like this than chemical imbalances in my brain.

the specific 'chemical imbalance' myth i was talking about in this post is the idea that depression is caused by low serotonin, and that therefore SSRIs—serotonin re-uptake inhibitors, ie drugs that cause a higher level of serotonin in the brain—ought to cure or at least ameliorate depression. this conjecture is belied by the fact that SSRIs don't, at a population level, reliably perform better than placebo.

although a neurobiological cause of 'mental illness' has long been the holy grail of psychiatry, the serotonin imbalance myth is far from the only hypothesis that psychiatrists and neuroscientists have proposed. so, a critique of the serotonin myth is not synonymous with, or generalisable to, a critique of every neurobiological mechanism purported to explain psychiatric diagnoses. you may be interested to know, though, that genomics and neuroscience have not identified a biological cause of any psychiatric diagnosis (p. 851).

all human experiences are biologically instantiated, including in the brain and wider nervous system. we are embodied beings. however, it is a leap to assume that such instantiation is automatically equivalent to a causal explanation or disease etiology. in other words, to deny that psychiatric diagnoses are known to be biologically caused does not mean we deny that thoughts and thought patterns express in the physical matter of neuroanatomy. this is a major philosophical sticking point to keep in mind whenever you're looking at something like, eg, a study that purports to show 'brain differences' in those assigned a certain psychiatric diagnosis. another thing to consider is whether these papers are plagued with methodological issues or financial conflicts of interest.

i can't possibly tell you why you exhibit agoraphobia. however, when i talk about social, economic, and environmental factors that may contribute to the patterns of behaviour labelled as 'mental illness', i'm talking about much more than the individual choice to leave your house. since phobias are 'anxiety disorders', i might start by probing into questions like: is the world you live in safe? do you perceive it as safe? do you or your community face existential threats that may confront you more obviously when you go outside? are you nervous around other people, and if so, might that be connected to fears (well-founded or not) about interpersonal violence and harm? do you think any of these anxieties may be connected to the hostility and inaccessible design of the social environment and economic conditions?

human behaviour and thought varies. some of those variations may be totally benign; others may be helpful or harmful to the person living with them. it would be weird if every single one of the 8 billion people on earth experienced precisely the same amount of anxiety about any situation, no? all of this is to say: yeah, it's entirely possible you have been, for one reason or another (genetic, neuroanatomical, social, &c) predisposed to experience high, even debilitating levels of anxiety when leaving your home. most human characteristics develop from a tangle of social, environmental, material causes—ie, from a combination of 'nature' and 'nurture'. what doesn't follow, though, is the claim that there is therefore a discrete, 'diseased' element of your brain or brain functioning that can simply be cured or eliminated through psychiatric intervention.

it is a critical point of anti-psychiatry to challenge psychiatric and neuroscientific claims to neurobiological determinism where psychiatric diagnoses are concerned. this is for many reasons, including: a) that these claims have not been demonstrated to actually be true [see above]; b) that they rob pathologised people of agency and self-determination [see: you're too sick to know you're sick, and the doctor will fix you now]; c) that they are often pushed by pharmaceutical companies with financial interests, or grant-funded researchers with... financial interests; d) that they are politically seductive in various eugenic, hereditarian discourses that seek to eliminate the biologically 'unfit' element from society.

#psychiatry

[writingquestionsanswered]

Guide: Inspiration, Motivation, and Passion

Anonymous asked: I have time to write and TONS of ideas in my notes. I want them to eventually be final drafts... but in this moment I just don't care about them. Does that make sense? I wish I did, but I'm disconnected. Is normal? Do all writers/authors struggle to connect with and feel passion for their stories/characters, but they write anyway and it comes eventually? Or do they not write unless those feelings are in place already? Forget making readers care about my protagonist. How do I care about them? Could my chance to write already be over? Also Audhd btw :) Thank you for all your advice ❤️

(Ask edited for length)

Inspiration, motivation, and passion are all things that can wax and wane for writers, but they do have to be there in some combination at some point if you want to write. If you consistently lack any of them, there's definitely something going on that's worth addressing. So, let's look at each component individually to get a better idea of what they are and how they ultimately work together to help you write.

Inspiration is the collection of sparks that ignite story. In other words: ideas. All those ideas you have in your notes--you wrote them down because they excited you when they popped into your head. Something about those ideas intrigued you enough to write them down and want to explore them later. And the thing that makes you want to explore them later is almost always a question... some sort of "what if" that you need to answer for yourself.

Motivation is the "why" that makes you want to take those ideas and turn them into stories. It's the answers to the following questions: why I write, why I want to answer this question for myself, why I want to tell this story, why I want to explore these themes, why I think this character's story is worth telling, why I want to say the thing I'm trying to say with this story.

Passion is the fire that drives us through the process of turning the ideas into a finished story. It's love for the characters, world, and plot. It's love for all the things motivating you to tell this story. It's love for words and imagery and process. It's love for the act of writing and for being a writer.

Again, all of the above need to be present in some form and combination at some point in order for you to actually complete a story, but these things can all wax and wane during not just one story's writing process, but during different periods in your life. They can also exist on a spectrum that's different for each writer, each project, or different periods of time. BUT... if you never have any inspiration, motivation, or passion for writing... or if you have inspiration initially, but lose interest and have no motivation or passion, writing is going to be really difficult.

Lack of Inspiration - Inspiration is the lifeblood of writing. If you don't have ideas, you can't write. Ideas come from experiencing the world around us. As we live life, observe our fellow humans, learn about history and the universe, and speculate about the unknown, ideas start to occur to us. Whereas a non-writer might think, "That documentary about the future of space travel was neat," a writer might think, "I'm intrigued by the idea of generation ships. I wonder what would happen if a generation ship landed on the wrong planet?" That question is what gets you to the next level... the "why" that motivates you to take this further than a mere moment of curiosity. So, if you're lacking that, there's a very good chance it's because you're not absorbing enough from the world around you. Perhaps your experiences aren't varied enough, you're not observing your fellow humans, and aren't learning about history or the universe, or speculating about the unknown. In which case, my post: Guide: Filling Your Creative Well can help you get into that mode.

Lack of Motivation - Motivation in particular can come and go as you work on a story, but it has to be there at the beginning or you never get started. The answer to "why I want to write" is especially important, because one thing that happens sometimes is people try to get into writing for the wrong reasons. They don't get into it because they have ideas for stories they want to tell, and themes they want to explore, and things they want to say. They get into it because it sounds like fun, because "everyone's doing it," or because it's unique, noteworthy, and--they think--a path to notoriety and/or wealth. But without the need to tell stories, those things aren't enough to make those ideas come or transform them into something more than an idea. But something else that can ruin motivation, and often does for those who do want to tell stories: physical and mental well being. If you don't feel good physically or mentally... if you're busy, tired, distracted, depressed, low on energy, in a bad mood, dealing with chronic pain, under the weather, etc., those things can definitely zap your motivation, even if you really want to tell stories. See these posts for help on that: Writing with Chronic Illness, Writing and Depression.

Lack of Passion - Our fiery love for the characters, setting, story, themes, tropes, questions, etc... that's the thing that most commonly wanes (and sometimes disappears) for writers during the writing process. If it's not there at the beginning, though... if you never feel a fiery love for your characters and their stories... you haven't hit upon the right ideas yet, and you need to keep looking until you find something that really sings to you. But if that passion is there at the beginning and disappears, there can be a number of reasons for that. Physical and mental well being, definitely. Exhaustion, boredom, and any of the things we refer to as "writer's block." These posts can help with finding the problem and reigniting the passion: 5 Reasons You Lost Interest in Your WIP, Plus Fixes, Guide: How to Rekindle Your Motivation to Write, Getting Excited About Your Story Again, Getting Unstuck: Motivation Beyond Mood Boards & Playlists

I hope something here will work for you and help you move forward. But just remember: It’s Never Too Late to Become a Writer. If you're just not feeling it right now, that doesn't mean you won't in a month, in a year, in five years. There are famous, well-celebrated authors who didn't start writing until they were beyond their 50s or 60s. So, don't stress about it if it seems like writing just isn't for you right now. Maybe you'll come back around to it eventually, or maybe you'll decide that you're more of a story consumer than a story creator, which is okay, too. ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[valkyriesaga-if]

Built a few years after the Collapse, the city of Yggdrasil was meant to be a haven, a refuge. A utopia, where everyone could find their place and be equals.

But that’s the thing with utopias and ideals; they don’t last very long.

Yggdrasil was barely 20 years old when the Magi Council rose above their human brethren, firmly splitting society in two: the magi on one side, who wield privilege like a sword, and the humans on the other, whose only privilege was to stay alive and quiet.

After all, how can you deny Magi what they want, when they are the only thing protecting you from what’s outside the walls?

You’ve been living in the Helheim district for almost as long as you can remember, raised amongst crooks, conmen and criminals all your life. While this hardly seems like ideal conditions to raise a child, it was better than having the Council find out your secret. Helheim was the best place for secrets. You knew it, your mother knew it, everyone in Yggdrasil knew it.

You’re an undeclared Magi. In a city where showing the barest hint of magic can get a child taken away from their parents and chain them forever to the Council of Magi, raising a child under the watching eyes of kingpins, thieves and prostitutes was a shield, an armor. The best protection love could offer.

Every day, you live on the edge of the razor. One wrong move and your life could be upended entirely. But when your mother is on the verge of losing her house, her business, her entire life to Greed, you can’t just sit there and watch it happen.

Being hired to steal the Eyes of The Watcher, the most precious gems in all of Yggdrasil, located right in the heart of the Council Chamber, didn’t seem like such a bad idea, at the time.

Genre

Post apocalyptic, urban fantasy, heist

Content Warning

The story will be 18+ for violence, potential sexual themes, explicit content and gore.

Fully customizable MC: name, gender identity, sexuality, appearance, personality and demeanor

Interact with a varied cast of NPCs

Shape your relationships with your fellow gang members, from lovers to platonic besties, all the while keeping in mind that they are all criminals and liars, just like you.

Experience the Nightmares™

Engage in highly illegal, highly dangerous activities, and maybe some light rebellion and overthrow of authority on the side

Polish your skills such as stealth, combat or knowledge, and discover more about your magic

Spend some time in the luxurious streets of Asgard and other delightful places such as a Helheim fighting ring, the city sewers or a defunct meat factory

Hallucinate?

Pet the cat

The selfish mercenary - Lònan [M, he/him]

Money is the only thing that matters to Lònan. He has made that very clear since the beginning. Obviously, he doesn’t seem to care that much about his own life, otherwise he would have found another way to make a fortune. One that doesn’t involve going into the heart of the enemy territory to steal the most valuable and well guarded artifact in town, for example. Just a thought.

The disgraced Magi - Yugō [M, he/him]

Magi have virtually everything they might want. Money, luxury, and an unending hoard of lackeys to cater to their every need. So you can’t help but wonder what might lead one of them to hide amongst the rats in the dark alleys of Helheim, and Yugo is not inclined to answer your questions.

The unwelcome guest - Halloran [M, he/him]

No one really knows who Halloran is or what he wants, but he seems to keep inviting himself in your dreams, taking great pleasure in playing with you and your sanity. Only he is a cat playing with a mouse, and you can only hope that he won’t eat you whole.

The estranged friend - Mavis [F, she/her]

Back in the time you lived in Midgard West, you and Mavis used to be friends, practically joined by the hip. While she remained as kind and gentle as you remember her, there is a hard edge to her eyes that wasn’t there before.

The mysterious outsider - Koyal [F, she/her]

A courier from outside of town, you’re not sure why she joined your ragtag group of criminals. Calm and quiet, she mostly keeps to herself, but you can’t help but feel her watchful gaze on you every time you have your back turned.

The disembodied voice - Morgane [F, she/her]

You’ve never met her in person, your only contacts with her being over the phone, as she gives instructions to you and the rest of the group. She seems to be the only one in direct relation with the person who hired you for some trivial B&E in the most secure facility in Yggdrasil.

Lònan/Yugō and Koyal/Halloran are potential poly routes.

TBA

This is my first IF and English is not my first language, so feel free to send any constructive criticisms and corrections my way.

This is very early development, so many things are subject to change as i work on the story

Asks are welcome and reblogs appreciated!

#interactive fiction #interactive game #interactive novel #IF #twine #twine game #cyoa #if wip #no demo #wip intro #twine story #twine if #wip #the valkyries saga

[jade-gemstone]

Danganronpa Ultimate Categorization

Welcome back to another episode of: Jade is a nerd about something absolutely useless! Today's topic: Talent classification in Danganronpa/Fangans.

In the process of making my own fangan/s, I've created a classification system for the types of talents you can give characters. These classifications are...

Arts: Talents that are involved in the visual arts, performing arts, or fashion. Encompasses performers of all types, any type of visual artist, or anyone involved in fashion. (Ex. Actor, Abstract Artist, Model)

Practical: Talents that focus on a specialized skill or work with your hands. Also includes any talents that are religious or spiritual in nature. (Ex. Mechanical Engineer, Detective, Shrine Maiden)

Academic: Talents that are recognized by how much knowledge or experience a character has in an academic field. Covers most science, literature, math, and research based talents. (Ex. Chemist, Theologian, Archaeologist)

Sports: Talents relating to athletic skill. (Ex. Footballer, Kickboxer, Bowler)

Novelty: Talents given to a person who is special simply by existing. Can also be given to characters who win a contest for their talent. Includes Lucky/Unlucky Students, royalty, and non-human characters. (Ex. Lucky Student, Student, Princess)

This system of classification was based on my experience in the community over about three or four years, seeing many other people's original characters as well as creating my own. I found many fell into these categories. My "perfect" ratio, which my friends and I used as a guideline for making our fangan casts, is 4 arts : 4 practical : 4 academic : 2 sports: 2 novelty. I felt this ratio kept things even and grounded.

A few months ago, I began to wonder if my "perfect" ratio was more of my own creation than an actual pattern I saw. I thought, in the event it was, that I would come up with a mathematically accurate ratio that better represented the talent distribution of Danganronpa and its fan projects. This was my attempt at doing just that.

Data Collection

For this, I tried to collect as varied of a sample as possible. I included the three mainline Danganronpa games and sixteen fangans, ranging from very popular ones to very obscure ones. The fangans sampled for this analysis were...

Danganronpa Another

Super Danganronpa Another 2

Danganronpa Despair Time

Brave Danganronpa Coward's Paradise

Project Eden's Garden

Danganronpa He(art)less Deceit

Danganronpa Hushed Whispers

Danganronpa Muave

Danganronpa Despair's Revival

Danganronpa Re:Birth

Danganronpa Twisted Truths

Danganronpa Survivor's Guilt

Danganronpa Despair's Flame (my fangan! also the one where the talent ratio originated)

Danganronpa Cyberspace

Danganronpa Akeda Amusements

Danganronpa Lost Paradise (my other fangan that isn't released anywhere but I'm counting anyway)

I figured out the talent ratio for each individual game by looking through their casts and sorting them with my classification system. Ultimate ???'s were thrown out if possible (such as in the case of Akeda Amusements, where Hanari was thrown out due to the fangan having seventeen participants) and if not, they were counted as novelty.

Also, shout out to Yuki Maeda and Teruya Ōtori for managing to count for two different data sets despite my best efforts at finagling a way to keep them confined to one.

Observations

The first thing I noticed in looking at the ratios for canon Danganronpa was that Academic ultimates are underrepresented compared to what I initially remembered. It had been a while since I revisited the mainline games, and it was a shock to be reminded of that. I was also reminded, but not quite as shocked by the greater emphasis on practical ultimates.

In fangans, the focus on practical ultimates continues to be heavy, with none having less than two. There was also less focus on sports ultimates, with the majority having only one or two compared to the three that the mainline games had a majority of the time. They also tend to have more academic ultimates.

I think that this could be explained by looking at the types of people who make fangans. The majority of people I know who make fangans have very particular knowledge about certain fields due to experience or heavy research, and more often than not these fields do not include sports. They are more likely to make characters based on their experiences and knowledge that they can then insert into the story to make it seem more authentic.

I also, unsurprisingly, found that my "perfect" ratio was not reflected in many of the fangans I looked at. There was only one besides my own that followed that ratio.

Now, if my "perfect" ratio is not the mathematically perfect ratio, then what is?

According to the data collected for the canon games, this is.

This just so happens to also be the ratio for Trigger Happy Havoc.

According to the data collected from the fangans, this is the perfect ratio.

The only fangan that followed this ratio exactly was Akeda Amusements. V3 also had this distribution.

When considering both mainline and fan made games, the perfect ratio was this.

Ironically, not a single mainline game or fan game followed this ratio.

Out of curiosity, I also calculated the standard deviation for each data set.

Canon Danganronpa has little to no variation, conveying that talent ratios are quite consistent between games. The biggest variation would be in the novelty category, making sense as V3 scaled down the amount of novelty ultimates compared to the other two games.

The fangans are shown to have a much larger variation. Though I can't be surprised by this, as perhaps it is an unfair comparison. The mainline Danganronpa games were written by mostly the same team and had less to sample from, while the fangans have not only a larger sample size in which to deviate, but many different writers that think differently about talent distribution.

Final Thoughts

In putting this all together, I found that my classification system, while not perfect in any sense of the word, has some validity to it. If I wanted to, I could definitely make some improvements to it (especially in distinguishing between certain academic and practical fields from novelty), but as of now it works perfectly fine as an aide in cast creation for me.

My ratio is also not perfect, which was an expected outcome. Really none of the ratios I found are perfect, with none of them representing more than one or two of any mainline or fan made game. While ratios like the ones I found can be good for making sure you have a balanced distribution of talents, they aren't required to make a good cast. Personally, I'll continue using my personal "perfect" ratio as a baseline for any cast I make in the future.

I also had a lot of fun making this, and hope I can find a way to make more posts like this in the future. Thank you for reading this.

#woah that was a behemoth of a post #hope you all liked it! #i love statistics so much #danganronpa #danganronpa thh #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #sdr2 #super danganronpa 2 #danganronpa v3 #danganronpa killing harmony #drv3 #danganronpa another #dra #super danganronpa another 2 #sdra2 #drdt #danganronpa despair time #brave danganronpa cowards paradise #project edens garden #edens garden game #danganronpa heartless deceit #heartless deceit #danganronpa hushed whispers #danganronpa muave #danganronpa despairs revival #danganronpa rebirth #danganronpa twisted truths #danganronpa despairs flame #danganronpa cyberspace #dangaronpa akeda amusements

[moumouton4]

How Would Orochimaru Act With You During The Mating Season

A/n : This got me worked up 😫🔥

Warnings : NSFW, penetrative sex, mention of breeding, cunnilingus, 18+ READERS ONLY and wrap it before you tap it

Masterlist ⚜

I don’t give permission to repost my work, if you want to share it just reblogue it

Words count : 1048

Like most of the snakes his libido rises right after the beginning of Spring and throughout the Summer until early Fall

He becomes very possessive of you during this period… more than usual. His gaze could almost turn to stone… creepy… but also sexy

Your rhythm outside of this period is very variable. Because of his schedule it can vary from 2 or 3 times a week to 1 time a month when he is really busy

But during the season, pray for your ability to walk 🙂

He will delegate all his work to Kabuto, especially during the beginning of his rut to have as much time as possible to take you… in all necessary positions

He can take you 5 to 12 times a day

Yes that's a LOT

But he is still a human and unlike snakes he doesn't just intend to impregnate you… even if he thinks about it strongly, he still intends to stay with you for more than the mating season

On the contrary you are his mate and he takes even better care of you

There are days when your feet don't even touch the ground. He always carries you in his arms, bringing you with him wherever he goes

He is strangely very cuddly - with always a wandering hand between your legs - that's why he prefers to stay in his room in the beginning, not very comfortable with the others who would see him acting like that

He has a reputation

Let's move on to the most interesting part >>>>>>>

Like snakes your sessions can last a long time. 4 times a day is not 4 rounds. 1 round is already very long like 1h30… and he is not always taking his time

Poor little pussy of yours sometimes you think he is trying to light a fire with his dick

The first time it happened you didn't understand why Orochimaru came to you at this time of the day when he was supposed to be working. And when he put his hand on your thigh you realized how uncharacteristically warm it was, how his eyes seemed darker if that was possible and how sweaty he looked

He almost swung you over his shoulder but in a very gentle way and took you to your room

And he fucked you all damn day long

His cheeks were red due to all the energy he put into that. It was the first time you saw him like that

He slept like a baby that night, he even woke up with drool on the corner of his mouth

He was so ashamed

But now that you know this time comes yearly, you count the days parting your from it - just like him with your period during mating season

Two weirdos in love

You like the intensity of the sex you share, but if you think it's too much, he'll control himself and fuck his hand instead. He doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable about it

You are also very careful with his health. As soon as the season starts, the first thing he thinks about is fucking you... hard

Again don't think about walking nor sleeping

He doesn't even think about eating nor drinking

So you always keep a supply of bottled water under the bed for when you are thirsty

And also, fruits on the bedside table. Orochimaru loves it when he takes you in missionary and you put grapes in his mouth. He feels like a god in heaven at that moment. Savoring the taste of the sweet orbs as the movements of his hips make you both experience divine sensations

But there's one thing he doesn't forget to eat and that's you

He loves to eat you out. Using his long tongue to flick your clit - he can fuck you with it too

It helps a lot at the end of the season when you're starting to get sore from the amount of friction

Also so much dirty talk. Most of the time, when he fucks you hard

"Look at you taking my cock"

"You're about to get full of my eggs"

"You will carry my army within you"

But at night, after hours of fucking during the day, when his cheeks turn pink or even red, he's a little more vanilla and soft, and he praises you a lot

"Such a beautiful creature just for me"

"I found the most divine mate that exists"

Like snakes, he won't feel comfortable fucking you unless his whole body is wrapped around yours

If he could make a knot of your bodies and fuck you at the same time he would

His legs are entangling with yours, fingers tightly bound, so that one would think that the blood is not flowing there anymore. His tongue is also always battling with yours and sometimes you wonder how you can breathe with all that

The sex during this time with him is very intense and that's why he demanded a safe word to use in case he goes too far for you

He let you choose it and you chose the name of Kabuto. When you told him he made a face that made you laugh for 10 minutes straight 🤣 pffffff

The reason for this choice is that normally he talks a lot about his work while he is going at it with you, and once while he mentioned the name of his faithful companion you decided that you've had enough hearing him talk about work. You got up and explained to him that from now on every time he would say his name during your time you would stop everything. Lmao that day his cock softened by itself out of frustration 😶

In short he is very protective of you and doesn't want you hurt in any possible way

But that doesn't mean he doesn't break down either. This period is very rich in strong emotion for him. He sometimes sheds a few tears in the last few days when he feels the tension coming down, which makes him more vulnerable but you're always here for him and he is learning not to be ashamed of his feelings anymore... at least with you

But you've always been his special one and he'll do anything for you

Take that Sasuke

~

~

A/n : Will be working on the request I got earlier tomorrow ! 👀 I hope you guys liked it ! 🌹🩸 Again my requests are open 💚✨

Taglist : @foxxymunson, @cl0vr, @ilovemanypeople, @glossy1pearl, @jane57sstuff

#naruto #naruto smut #naruto shippuden #naruto shippuden smut #orochimaru x y/n #orochimaru #orochimaru smut #orochimaru x reader #orochimaru x reader smut #orochimaru fics #naruto fics #naruto shippuden fics #miri-writes #smut #naruto imagine #naruto shippuden imagine

[genderkoolaid]

so many people on ur incel post thinking that a Bad Person doesn't deserve any compassion, and any and all punishments become justified, despite those punishments being totally incompatible with feminist ideas.

this is the same thought process behind denying incarcerated people their rights

Also like... I am 10000% sure that, especially online, there are young boys in those communities who are there because they feel like shit and think it's the only community that they can have that will support them. See this reply by @havinganormalone

Most of these guys are not mass shooters or murderers. There's a good chance they are assholes of varying degrees of severity, and pretty much guaranteed to be some level of misogynistic.

But I don't want anyone to end up hurting themselves out of self hatred!!!!! Sorry but I don't!!!! I want them to stay alive to have the chance to become better people!!!! I don't enjoy wishing for the deaths of people in hate groups. If there is no other way to protect vulnerable groups I'm not against it, but ideally I want them to grow and change as people. And I am committed to seeing people's humanity and suffering, because pain is where the vast majority of shitty actions come from. So we can't deal with those shitty actions without confronting the fact that the people who do them are not mindless robots of evil, they are people who are hurting. We can hold people accountable AND acknowledge their pain.

& people keep saying "we don't hate them for their dysmorphia we hate them for being incels" but why do you think a lot of those guys ARE incels?? A lot of them view themselves as inherently ugly & unlovable. And you are mocking their self-hatred. That's not helpful. If an incel, like, gets punched by a woman for being a misogynist and cries about it online, I am gonna think it was well-deserved. But this is about them self-harming as a result of self-hatred, which is deeply concerning when it happens to anyone. & I very much did see people saying things which encouraged the idea that their dysmorphia was justified or mocking them for not just getting plastic surgery. Just like how people mock incels for being fat neckbeards!! Which people also justify by saying "well they are a hate group!!" so they dont have to think critically about why they are okay with bodyshaming when its against "bad people".

Incel ideology as I understand is built on the pessimism of men who feel they are inherently less than conventionally attractive men. They view themselves as inherently lesser people because they don't fit conventional masculine standards. And blame women for this because they are misogynists who haven't critically examined their misogyny and so they ignore the way the patriarchy is the one doing this to them. But if you are going to fix an issue you need to address the root cause. And the root cause here is self-hatred. Incels self-harming because they think they need a certain bone structure to be attractive isn't a coincidence, its fundamentally related to their incel-ness. & again I can't imagine there will never be a young boy who isn't even involved in those spaces who will see that or smth like it and feel like it would fix his self-esteem issues.

& you are very right about the incarcerated thing. The idea that "bad people" deserve no compassion & deserve every bad thing that happens to them is how horrific abuse in prison gets justified. And some of those people are innocent or jailed for objectively stupid crimes, but many aren't. And they don't deserve that abuse, especially since many of them are criminals because of some sort of suffering they experience.

Tumblr in general encourages revenge & dehumanization of "bad" people. Its no better than the criminal justice system in that regard, telling us that revenge is helpful, punishment is helpful, and we should all feed our gut desire to see bad people suffering as much as possible. & I do not subscribe to that. I don't think you can really be a prison abolitionist and subscribe to that (& in a larger sense I dont think you can hope to built a better society than we have currently and think like that). It's hard work sympathizing with people who do awful things but like I said, you can't let dehumanization thought patterns take root in your mind. I am very devoted to having compassion for everyone & once again people are surprised when that includes EVERYONE.

I'm not even really doing this for incels. I don't get in debates with people unless I believe they will actually listen to what I say and consider it in good faith, and many incels won't. But I'm not going to be a person who encourages this kind of self-harm, and I especially don't want to be someone who does that and justifies it to myself because they are "bad people" who "deserve it". I'm no cop or prison guard. And if there is someone who might be open to that kind of deprogramming, I want them to see my blog as a space that has compassion for their suffering. I want them to get better, not kill themselves and never get that chance. You can't have both.

#m. #ask box

[words-of-wolf]

Content warning: this post contains mentions of wolves hunting other animals, and some thoughts on the subject. Nothing I'd consider graphic, but I know it can be sensitive for some folks so I thought I'd warn beforehand!

Hhh, it's a bit hard to know where to start with getting back into writing about my experiences.

It's not that I don't have anything to say - it's the opposite! There's so much I'd like to share. I've always loved talking about my experiences... maybe a bit self-indulgent, but I like to think it can help other folks too, and I've gotten many interesting conversations out of it in the past, so no regrets!

Can't imagine I'll be posting big things like this frequently, but I'll happily answer questions and chat too. ^u^

So... right now, what I've decided I'd like to write about is some of the, I guess kinda fundamental aspects of my identity as a wolf therian.

It's interesting in a way, because there are so many wolves around - there's a lot of people to compare experiences against! I guess, if you have a rare kintype, or a kintype that's varied enough that your individual variation of it is rare (like dragons) - it might be hard to imagine that a wolf would struggle to find other people they relate to. But then, well: there's me.

I don't think anyone's nonhuman experiences are wrong. I don't think anyones' are "superior" either; it's just about who you are as an individual, what feels right and comfortable to you. I just wanted to get that across! Cause what I'd like to talk about does involve some comparison between my feelings and the things I've seen expressed by other wolf therians, and I wouldn't want it to be read as me saying my way of being as any better than anyone elses' (it's not).

During my time in the kin and therian communities (which, I first encountered over ten years ago now, but my activity has been very on-and-off since I reached adulthood) I've met so, so many wolf therians. It's... hmm, complicated for me, in a way? Because I felt very isolated, especially when I was younger, and I felt like wolf therians were supposed to be "my people". But really, I could count on both hands how many wolves I've met that I really related to on any level.

And the reason for that is the same now as it's always been: for a lot of wolf therians, being a wolf seems to be a kind of violent, bloodthirsty identity. The "predator" feeling is strong; there's some affinity for the thrill of the kill, the violence of it all.

That's not a bad thing. It's not wrong! But my experience has been... very different from that.

My perception of wolfhood isn't really "red in tooth and claw" like that. It's more... simple. Not peaceful really - life as a wolf is full of trials and strife - but the violence never felt defining for me. In terms of personal importance, the feelings of wanting to hunt, to fight, to bite and maim... I'd be lying if I said they were entirely absent, but they were always tertiary to things that seemed far more present and central.

I think a big part of that is... well, for context, I believe my wolf identity is linked to a past life. Yeah, stereotypical, I know! But it's genuinely what I experience; I do remember that life, or at least aspects of it. And those memories influence a lot of my experiences in my current life as a wolf-person.

The thing that strikes me most when I compare my own perspective on wolfhood to the ideas often expressed by other wolf therians, is that to me, hunting wasn't violence. It couldn't be violence.

Why? Because I just plain didn't realise that the deer and other animals we killed were living things.

There was no... room to even consider that idea. I didn't know that the deer I drove to exhaustion felt pain and terror, same as I did. I just knew I was hungry and it was food.

It's a strange thing to consider, isn't it? People talk a lot about "what makes us human". I don't think there's any one thing that does. But if I were to point to one of the most jarring, and one of the most utterly sacred parts of being human to me, it would be the ability to connect emotionally with other species.

Humans are not unique for doing that. And maybe there's some animals a wolf could come to see as an individual, in the way I would've seen another wolf. But a deer would never be that. Which contrasts strangely with me, now, as a human: where I can love pigs, and care about their welfare and treatment, but still enjoy some bacon or a porkchop. That can conflict, sometimes, yeah - but from a wolf perspective, that would be incomprehensible. At least, from my experiences it would be.

And if you remove the idea of violence from hunting, suddenly a wolf's life doesn't seem very violent at all. The act of hunting and killing prey animals felt no more violent to me, than when I cook up a steak for myself now. To someone, that would be violent, but to me it's just a steak - y'know? I know the steak comes from a cow, but that fact brings me neither grief nor pleasure. It's just kinda how the world is and I'm mostly okay with that.

The act of hunting was, I'd say, something I enjoyed as a wolf. I loved the chase. It was fun. Taking down prey could be scary; even a deer is dangerous when cornered and desperate. But the thing with nature is that it makes what you have to do to survive feel desirable: so risking my life for a meal felt thrilling, in a way, and a full belly afterwards was satisfying, and comforting, and a relief from the usual gnaw of hunger.

Hunting's only a small part of being a wolf, though. Even setting aside all the attempted hunts that fall through before you even get into a full sprint.

A lot of wolf life focuses on territory. In some places, it's a very intense, almost war-like conflict; constant, bloody, often fatal. Not always, though. It depends a lot on the intensity of the ecosystem you live in: a place with lots of prey attracts lots of wolves, who then compete for access. If the prey's more spread out, the wolves are more spread out too... and an area of land feels less worth dying for when you've got so many others to search.

Me and my pack were one of the latter varieties. Territorial conflicts were rare, for us; I don't recall any specifically. We patrolled, we marked our space. Territorial disputes were something I was aware of, I think - if I saw a trespasser I certainly would've acted with aggression - but it just wasn't a common occurrence.

So my experience of being a wolf didn't feel like it was defined by violence much. It didn't feel bloody and raw. I could see myself in the image of a wolf that snarls, maybe, but moreso I see myself in the image of the wolf that sleeps, or - perhaps most of all - the wolf that wanders.

And that's what existence as a wolf was, and is for me! It's wandering. It is the neverending search. Even when you find what you need, the relief can't last long - you need to move on soon, you need to seek again soon, because it won't be long before your empty belly's gnawing at your insides again. It wasn't ever a life of violence, it was a life of travel, for the good and the bad of it: for the new sights and new smells and new opportunities; for the exhaustion, the uncertainty, the sore paws and aching muscles.

And the restlessness. The need to keep moving. Keep going. Keep searching, always searching.

But, of course, that's still not the centre piece of the puzzle. Because that could only ever, of course, be the pack.

This is something I'll probably dedicate time to writing about all on its own, because I have such deep feelings about "the pack" as a concept, and also about my pack, who I lived for in my last life.

But I will say that all of my deepest, most vivid, and most impactful memories... they're not of the hunt, they're not about territory or conflict or hunger. What I remember most richly is the love I felt for my pack. It's a feeling I can't quite find it in me to explain; sometimes I wonder if the reason I identify as loveless in this life, is simply because no love I've ever felt as a human could compare to what I felt as a wolf.

I think there's a kind of synergy between the simple mind of a wolf, and the feelings a wolf experiences: in the quiet of an animal's mind, emotions seem so much stronger, so much more vivid somehow. I feel that even now, when I have a mental shift, and the logic and reason falls away - all that's left is emotion and physical senses, and they paint a picture so, so bright.

And those past life memories that I hold dearest, they have a similar quality to them... to curl up with my family after a long day of travel. Or listen to their happy snores as we all sleep off a full belly. And playing with the pups... I was a very fun wolf-uncle. And those pups were my joy, light of my whole life! <3

So... yeah. That's what being a wolf is to me.

It's not the only way to be a wolf. It's not the "right" was vs anyone else's "wrong". This is just what wolfhood is to me personally. Maybe other wolves will see something of themselves in this, maybe not! Either way, I appreciate the time you took to read my rambling. It feels nice to carve out a place in my life again where I can really talk about this stuff. c:

#therianthropy #wolf therian #wolfkin #past life #spiritual therian #spiritual kin #tw animal death

[juvnvalen]

Nsfw ask could you do least to most to least likely to non-con with the overwatch men? If this ask makes any sense 😭

I think I get it!! :3 ty for the ask, I have one other I’m working on I’m just brain dead 🫶

Pairing: Male yandere(s) x Gender neutral s/o

Tw: Noncon, yandere themes, implied kidnapping?, all around unhealthy behaviors

Characters: Soldier 76, Reaper, Baptiste, Reinhardt, Baptiste, Lucio, Genji, Hanzo, Cassidy, Junkrat, Rammatra

Unlikely

♡ Baptiste: For Baptiste he needs more emotional closeness with his s/o than physical, he’s completely happy to wait until his s/o is ready.

♡ Lucio: Like Baptiste he wants an emotional connection to his s/o. Lucio is fine being in a relationship with no sexual intimacy, though he’d be completely ecstatic if you ever decided that’s something you wanted to do with him.

♡ Reinhardt: He’s a strong believer in chivalry, he wouldn’t dare try to be intimate with his s/o without their complete consent.

♡ Genji: He’d be patient in waiting for his s/o to be ready, Genji needs an emotional bond more than he requires sexual intimacy. There isn’t zero chance he wouldn’t, but more than likely he wouldn’t try anything until his s/o is ready.

♡ It really depends on which Hanzo we’re talking about. Young Hanzo would definitely, he’s brash and ambitious. Being the heir to the Shamada clan, and he’s take it as in insult if you were to do anything less that surrender yourself to him. Older Hanzo has come to peace with his past actions, and after the death of his brother he’s settled down a lot. He’d be willing to wait until you were ready, wanting it to be a meaningful experience for not only him but also his s/o.

♡ Rammatra: This one also depends on what his s/o is, varies based on if they’re an omnic or human. With an omnic s/o he’d see them as an equal, he’d be much more kind and considerate of their wants and feelings. With a human s/o they’d be more of a pet to him, he’d have no issue taking whatever he wanted from them whether or not they were willing.

♡ Junkrat: He isn’t very self aware when it comes to his obsession, he’s almost completely delusional about their relationship. To some extent he realizes you aren’t together, but he doesn’t care to let his thoughts linger on the fact. Jamison little issue with his s/o’s consent, he makes the act about them, he gets his fulfillment from it by giving rather than receiving.

♡ Soldier 76: Both prefall and current Jack would have little issue with it. He’s in a position of power, and you’re not, he’s a super soldier if he wants to he will. He’s learned not to hold onto guilt, so he won’t feel that for what he’s doing.

♡ Cassidy: He’s a very sex driven person, he can go a little while without it but he expects his s/o to give in to him eventually. His drinking is what leads to it most often, and his s/o can expect no aftercare from him once he’s done.

♡ Reaper: He’s a jealous and possessive person, even before the fall of Overwatch he has sadistic tendencies. Gabriel doesn’t need reciprocation from his s/o, not that he would enjoy it, he just doesn’t need it from them. While he’d be more rough in his Talon era it doesn’t mean he’d be much better before Overwatch’s fall.

Most Likely

♡ ♡

#tw yandere #writing #yandere #soldier 76 #ow reaper #baptiste overwatch #junkrat #tw noncon #lucio overwatch #reinhardt #cole cassidy #hanzo shimada #genji shimada #overwatch #male yandere

[bagog]

Star Trek: Discovery Narrative Highlights

So I really like Discovery, but differently than I like other Star Treks. My love for Voyager, for instance, is based off the sense of found-family in the face of sci-fi shenanigans. I could pick out favorite episodes, but my favorite episodes don't necessarily represent the epitome of what I love about the show, y'know?

It's different with Disco. There are concrete moments from through out the show that made me go "Okay, I like this, I want this. More of this." Here's some of them! This is indulgent and all from memory

Season 1 - Klingons Speak Klingon

In a story about Klingons fearing the Federation as an institution which will irrevocably alter their culture, the Klingons actually speak Klingon. Love it. Season 1 - Gabriel Lorca

I loved seeing a Star Fleet captain who seemed to have ascended because of his skill at war: a trait which ordinarily would not elevate one within Starfleet service, per se. It made him interesting. Your mileage may vary on where this went, but. He's still a big appeal on rewatch.

Season 2 - Queer People Helping Queer People

The introduction of Jet Reno is one of my favorite hallmarks in the show. I love Jet, and I love the way she serves as a foil to every other character. But best of all, I loved the scene when she is talking to Hugh Culber about how distant he's been from his husband (since coming back from the dead, so, you know) and helps him by relating her own story about her wife, who is now passed. To say I'm happy to see queer stories on Star Trek is a massive understatement, but this was the moment it locked in for me. In the world of the Federation, there's no difference between being queer or straight and anyone could've talked Hugh out of his funk. But in our world, it's usually queer people helping queer people make sense of their experiences. Recognizing the importance of that distinction and going with the queers-helping-queers take is a really big deal for me.

Season 2 - Amanda

This is hands-down the best representation of Amanda we've ever been given and she is so wonderfully human and warm that it helps you understand Spock and Michael so much better. I don't know what to say other than that, I love her.

Season 3 - The Future

I love that they went not just into the future, but further into the future than any mainline trek lore has gone. Hell yes. I'm bummed it's kinda a post-Utopian mess, but I get storywise why that's the case. I love the future starships, I love the future technology, I like that we just "BZP" to wherever we want to be in the ship now. In a show increasingly steeped in centuries of canon lore, it's smart and challenging to try to do "a millennium in the future."

Season 3 - Queer Family

Queer Family! Queer Family in Star Trek! This is my queers-helping-queers point but dialed up to 11. Love it, would do anything for it.

Season 4 - Artificial Intelligence

The ship is alive and she's named herself. This comes to a head in an episode in Season 4 where Paul Stamets feels very hesitant about this, after the plot of Season 2 was trying to stop AI from destroying the galaxy. There's this whole Measure of a Man but Not Quite Because Its the B Story thing going on, but at the end of it, there's a twist. Paul eventually learns to accept his new crewmate, but then he asks the person in-charge of the inquest "What would you have done if I said I wasn't comfortable serving with an AI?" and the dude goes "I would've assigned you to another ship. This was never about whether she has a soul or whatever, it's about if you can learn to accept that with you 22nd century brain." And that's.... that's great.

Season 4 - Mental Health

Mental Health is a thread running through some of Discovery (Season 2 flirts with Spock's neurodivergence, for instance) but never more than in Season 4. Hugh Culber, the ship's ray of sunshine and de facto counselor, is in bad shape, mentally, and he needs help. But the best moment is when the away-team is beset by chemical memories of panic and basically rendered useless with fear... except for Detmer, who helps them all get through it. When asked why she was unaffected, she says "Oh I totally was affected, but after my grievous injury during the war, I went to therapy for the PTSD and learned some coping strategies" AND THAT'S WHAT SAVES THE GALAXY.

Anyway, this is very indulgent and probably nobody reads this, but thanks if you did.

#star trek #star trek discovery #disco #Jet reno #Michael Burnham #Hugh Culber #Paul Stamets #keyla detmer #i will probably delete this

[wizardraziw]

Hello students! I have seen many of your questions on what you can and cannot do with magic. So here is a quick and easy guide to the basics of magic for each type! We will start with Scab, Rust, Soil, Crystal, and then Parchment. At the end I will also answer some common questions I have seen in my asks box. So, if I do not answer your ask just know that it isn't because I haven't seen/read it!

The basics of magic are quiet simple. There are three tiers to power, but today I will only go over the first. The first tier is called...well, tier one. Quite simple and to the point, haha. When you become a tier one wizard, your soul becomes a little more connected to the weave of magic. In doing so, magic comes to you a bit easier than non-casters or semi-casters. You all currently are semi-casters. Wizards who have just begun their adventure! You all currently can feel a connection to magic, and maybe some of you can cast a spell, but as it stands you aren't at tier one quite yet. Don't worry, though! I am an excellent teacher :)

Now, let's begin our lesson!

This is a tier one Scab Wizard! Scabs are those who can make injuries better or worse. At tier one, a Scab Wizard can heal small cuts, bruises, and the common cold. On the other hand, they can prolong small injuries or illnesses on another person. If they overexert themselves, though, they will have spells of dizziness and might develop a temporary case of vertigo. Their connection to the weave allows them to take urgency over others bodies, however that connection can be disrupted if used on an unwilling character. If a Scab Wizard tries to harm or heal another person without their permission, it will drain them of their power more quickly than with a willing person.

This is a tier one Rust Wizard! Rusts are those who can control the elements depending on their zodiac sign (The element tied to that sign). At tier one, a Rust wizard can do things like light a small fire, push a gust of wind, move water equivalent to a cup, or levitate stones. Tier one Rust wizards can get quite crafty with their powers! Even at tier one, they are very useful to townsfolk. If they overexert themselves, though, they will become very tired and will have to rest for a while before using their powers again. Their connection to the weave allows them to connect themselves to the earth. In most cases, a Rust Wizard is a soul that came from an animal in their past lives. They are wise and connected to nature.

This is a tier one Soil Wizard! Soils are those who can commune with the departed, be it animal, human, or monster. At tier one, a Soil Wizard only has one line of communication with the dead. They can either hear, see, or speak to them. For example, one Soil Wizard may only be able to see the dead but not hear them whereas another can communicate verbally with the dead but cannot see them. It varies from wizard to wizard. If they overexert their connection they may develop temporary migraines. Their connection to the weave allows them connect themselves to the afterlife. They are the living that can see into the further. This power can be dangerous to themselves, though. If they were to commune with a dangerous spirit they could risk possession or death.

This is a tier one Crystal wizard! Crystal Wizards are those who can make illusionary spells and occasionally a good Crystal Wizard can cast charm spells. At tier one, a Crystal Wizard can create small visual hallucinations like a butterfly or a mouse. They can create small auditory hallucinations as well, like the sound of a knock. A lot of talented rogues end up having Crystal magic due to their distraction skills. If they overexert themselves they risk overstimulation and small hallucinations akin to their skills. Their connection to the weave allows them to project their thoughts outwards for others to experience. They can become a scary foe if they manage to fool someone else.

This is a tier one Parchment Wizard! Parchment Wizards are those who can manipulate the weave. At tier one, a Parchment Wizard can make magic items that anyone can use, which includes themselves. A Parchment Wizard at tier one can make magic items of low-to-medium durability/quality. They can wield more than one magic item at a time unlike other wizards. However, a Parchment Wizard of any tier will only be able to cast tier one magic. More options open up to them in later levels, though. In later levels they can make spell scrolls, Wizard Tomes, and other interesting things. For now at this tier, though, they can make magic items and attune to TWO magic items of any class. If they overexert themselves with any spells in the other types of magic, they will risk the ailments of those classes (Like a rusts tiredness or a scabs dizziness). If a Parchment Wizard at tier one attempts to attune to a third magic item, they will die.

...Parchment Wizards are very handy party members who have a multitude of talents and uses! :)

Now for some common questions I have seen:

Q: Can wizards multiclass into other types of magic?

A: Yes, however there is only an option to multiclass once you've reached your full potential. At that point you can either multiclass for an additional tier one or become a full mage in your original class.

Q: Do other classes get elemental powers via their zodiacs?

A: No, that is a Rust-only aspect.

Q: Has there ever been a wizard who has been every class at once?

A: There is a fabled Wizard with such power. The first and only Monster Wizard. Perhaps another time I shall tell you that fable if you are interested in hearing it!

I hope this clears things up! Thank you for your attention and time. Like always, my asks and messages are always open to questions or your awesome art. You can even tell me problems that you are having in your wizard lives. Oh, and before I go! I have a few talented friends who can teach you more about specific magic types. While I put together my potion lesson, they will take over the next lesson on magic. Vote below on which wizard you would like to learn from! Thank you. As always, it has been a pleasure.

- Wizard

#magic:rust #magic:scab #magic:soil #magic:crystal #magic:parchment #magic:lesson

[midwesternvibes]

This one is currently winning on my little motivation poll so here we go

SEPERATED LEO AU!!! (because we don't have enough of those already lol)

Link to original post

So, I wanna talk more about how they all refound each other (link to how they met here)

Just to recap, Big Mama has Mikey, Draxum has Raph, and Splinter has Donnie. Big Mama's in her Nexus Hotel, Draxum is in NYC with a cloaking broach, and Splinter's in the ever iconic sewers.

Big Mama is actually a very kind mother to Mikey! She loves her little baby, and especially loves how he has her beloved Lou's smile. She spoils him to death and lets them express himself however she'd like. (If you haven't picked up on it yet, Mikey is genderfluid in this au and generally presents as a feminine man) Mikey absolutely adores skirts and zip-up hoodies, and usually wears a very bright suit top with a big orange ball gown skirt to formal events that Big Mama matches at Mikey's whims (I cannot draw for the life of me so if anyone is willing to draw this for me I will work out some kind of trade with you if you'd like 🙏)

But yeah, Big Mama does not let her fight in the Nexus, and has even toned down the brutality of the Nexus due to Mikey's pleading. There aren't any more lethal fights and she rarely makes binding, lifelong contracts because it made her baby upset to see all the sad and scared people.

They are a very cute duo and both genuinely love each other very much

Then there's Draxum amd Raph! Draxum luckily snagged two cloaking broaches before his lab exploded and slapped them on both him and his 2 year old son before heading up to the surface. The two of them then got a apartment in the.....*shuddder*........human world. Draxum tries to hide them in mostly secret, only leaving the house for groceries and necessities, but eventually realizes that poor Raphie is very lonely.

This is made so much worse when he meets the little girl downstairs and wants so desperately to follow her to school after their playdates.........Draxum finally caves.

With the help of Mr. and Mrs. O'Neil, he enrolls Raphie in the same Kindergarden as April and lets him finally go to school after years of homeschooling. Raphie struggles with the transition a bit, but eventually he gets the hang of it and thrives! Draxum encourages him to join as many clubs as he can (without getting overwhelmed of course) and is his biggest fan.

Once Draxum is able to settle down, he's actually a huge soccer mom and goes to all of Raphie's events, he gets totally embarrassed sometimes. Draxum and the O'Neils are really good friends and try to have dinner at least once a week

But once again, a very happy family! They struggle to show it sometimes, but they truly love each other and only want what's best for each other

Then we have Donnie and Splinter! Splinter was mutated with the DNA from his pet rat that he picked up on his travels with Big Mama and Draxum to get the turtles, and he was only able to grab Donnie and retreat to the sewers before Draxum's while lab collapsed. He, along with the other two, belive his partners and other children to be dead, so he never goes searching for them. Instead, he raises his son in the sewers on his own, foraging for all that they need just like in canon.

However, their sewer home is PREEEEEEEETY nice, since Donnie doesn't really doesn't have anything better to do other than make their home as nice as possible. He's has all major appliances working since he was 6 and only makes improvements from there. He also has his little pet project, but Splinter doesn't know about that yet!!!!

Speaking of Splinter, he varies pretty dramatically from canon. He's a lot less depressed because he had a much better experience with the yokai world and doesn't feel nearly as ashamed to BE a yokai (or yokai-adjacent) and keeps himself in much better shape, helping him with the dysmorphia that he does have. Overall, Splinter's doing pretty well, and he's a pretty attentive parent overall!

He was able to access some of his funds from his Lou Jitsu days and pays for Donnie to go to online school, and by the time Donnie meets up with the rest of his family at 11, he's halfway through high school work and has plans to go on to college so that he can start building up his tech empire by the time he's 18

But yeah, yet again, a overall happy parent/child relationship!

(Then there's Leo. All the angst had to go somewhere, right???)

Moving on! Now, the adults all lived separately with each of their respective kid, but when Raphie was about 8, he got really sick. Like, really really sick. Draxum went to as many human doctors that he could trust, but none of them were able to figure out what was wrong with his baby. He finally musters up the courage to go down to the Hidden City, and finds out that Raphie has Mystic Overload Syndrome. While he's running around trying to find stuff to help his little boy (he's so affectionate guys), Raphie sneaks out! He starts running around the Hidden City unbroached, and he feels truly seen for the first time in his life.

While running around, he literally runs into another turtle yokai, one who's dressed in expensive orange clothes...........

This post got REALLY long, so stay tuned for more! Next post will probably be how Draxum and Big Mama finally met, and then how Splinter and Donnie come into play!

(Don't worry about Leo this isn't about him he's fine)

First // Previous // Next

(Also stay tuned for the name reveal of the AU!

#Separated AU #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #tmnt #raphael #rottmnt raph #rise raph #raph tmnt #donnie #splinter #master splinter #donatello #rottmnt leo #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt Michelangelo #rise draxum #rottmnt draxum #baron draxum #barry draxum #draxum tmnt #rottmnt big mama #big mama #lou jitsu #baronjitsu #hamato yoshi #one jump ahead

[memento-morri-writes]

Do you have any advice or specific tips to writing a low/no empathy character? Or a resource to recommend?

Hi nonny! Thanks for asking! I'm going to try my best to answer your question, but keep in mind, this is all based on my own personal experience, and that varies vastly from person to person. (if anyone else experiences low/no empathy, please feel free to add on to this post!)

So, some things to keep in mind:

Why does your character experience low/no empathy? For me, it's a symptom of my autism, but there are multiple reasons a character could have low/no empathy. The most common is probably going to be some form of disability (autism), or disorder (psychopathy), etc. (Be careful while doing research though, especially on disorders like psychopathy! You're going to run into a lot of ableist bullshit. Make sure to look for sources written by people living with these disorders/disabilities.) (If anyone has any resources on other disabilities or disorders that cause low empathy that they personally recommend, please feel free to add links!!!) Whatever the reason, it's not going to only affect their empathy. It's going to affect every part of their life. So make sure to do your research, and write respectfully. If you know someone or follow someone who has a certain condition, ask if they'd feel comfortable answering questions for you. If they aren't, that's fine. If they are, they're going to be a great resource. (I'd also recommend getting a sensitivity reader, particularly when writing about mental disorders that are already frequently stigmatized. You want to make sure you're not promoting harmful stereotypes.) I should note, however, that neurotypical people can also have low/no empathy!!! It just happens to also be a common symptom of various mental disorders.

Consider what kind of empathy does your character lack. There are two kinds of empathy! Emotional (or affective) empathy, and cognitive empathy. Affective empathy is made up of three parts: Feeling the same emotion as someone else, feeling discomfort or stress in response to someone else's suffering, and feeling compassion for or understanding another's emotions. Cognitive empathy is the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of someone else. This includes being to "stand in someone else's shoes", or take another person's perspective, and generally understand what they're feeling. This one has been called more of a "skill", in that it's something people can "learn", where as affective empathy can't be taught or learned. When people talk about having low/no empathy, they are usually referring to lacking affective empathy, but a character might struggle with both!

Not everyone experiences empathy the same. Some people lack empathy in some circumstances, but have it in others. For example, I lack empathy when it comes to human beings, but I am much more empathetic when it comes to animals. A character might only be able to empathize with very specific scenarios or people. (For example, if someone else is going through a very similar scenario to one they have experienced in the past, it may be easier for them to feel empathy. But it might not!) Some people can empathize with certain emotions better than others. (I empathize better with anger, but can't empathize at all with grief.)

Understand that a lack of empathy does not equal a lack of caring. Just because a person doesn't feel the emotions someone else is feeling doesn't mean they don't care. A person with low or no empathy can still be kind and compassionate to others. They might go about trying to cheer people up in a slightly different way (I personally tend to try and go for distractions), but they still care about their friends and loved ones. Even seemingly "uncaring" things said by those who lack empathy do not come from a place of malice. (I can't tell you how many times I've said something well-meaning and had people assume I was being cruel. I wasn't, and I genuinely had good intentions.)

Keep in mind how your character reacts to other's emotions. People with empathy tend to feel similarly to those they empathize with, which generally creates a feeling of connection. (This is part of what leads to that sense of "coming together after tragedy".) A person with low/no empathy might instead feel alienated or uncomfortable when faced with large outpourings of emotions. They might be uncertain how to act or what to do, and they may try and avoid situations with strong negative emotions because of it. (In my case, people crying makes me very uncomfortable, because I don't know how to respond. So I try and keep my distance.)

Think about how your character processes their own emotions. Just because a character doesn't feel empathy for others doesn't mean that they are incapable of feeling those emotions on their own. A character who has no empathy for a grieving friend can still grieve! But chances are they will process that emotion differently than a person with "normal" empathy. They might try to push their emotions away and bottle them up. Or one emotion might transition into one they have an easier time processing. (For me, I don't experience sadness normally. It either transitions to anger, or it is replaced by different thoughts.)

Think about how their lack of empathy influences their life. A person who lacks empathy is not going to experience life the same way as a person with "normal" empathy. They might have a hard time making friends, or they might excel at a job that requires a logical mind. They might give great advice, or their friends might know to never ask them about relationships. They might be great at organizing people, even in times of stress, because their brain compartmentalizes and thinks pragmatically. They might totally shut down when faced with an emotional situation because they don't know how to process it.

Having no empathy can be very alienating. People expect empathy constantly. It's a big part of why people love emotional media, and it's the expected response when someone you know experiences suffering. Not having empathy can mean that you feel disconnected from your loved ones or community as a whole. It might mean biting your tongue and not saying what you think because people would read it as uncaring or cruel.

Remember: Having low or no empathy is not a bad thing. People with low/no empathy are often villainized in media, and the trait is often given to antagonists. But that's a harmful stereotype and harmful belief in general. That's not saying that your character with low empathy has to be "good", but don't use their low empathy as proof that they're a "bad person". Try thinking about situations in which having low/no empathy might be useful! I personally am reminded of the post I saw years ago where someone was saying that if not for their lack of empathy, they probably couldn't do their job. (iirc, they worked handling the bodies of organ donors, some of whom were quite young.)

Okay, that's all I can think of for now, but like I said before, anyone else who experiences low or no empathy is encouraged to reblog this post and add on to it! And if I made any mistakes here, please let me know so I can fix them!!! I tried to base this mostly off of my own experience, so take it all with a grain of salt.

#Anonymous #morrigan replies #writing autistic characters #writing low empathy characters #writing no empathy characters #character development #character inspo #no empathy #low empathy

[mega-ringsandthings-world]

Vash and Knives were’t a miracle

I’ve been thinking lately that Vash and Knives were perhaps not as unprecedented as they seemed. At least in tristamp’s verse. Independents is a very telling name for them, isn’t it?  The entire SEEDS project was based around the creation and existence of plants, and a very large amount of funding, time, resources and dubious experimentation must have been poured into creating the so-called biological generators. So we know a few things here. One, that plants have a rather hefty amount of human DNA in them, and that they can’t be easily created. (See how the loss of plant engineers and scientists in the Fall put a stop to the creation of any new plants in Noman’s Land, after all.)  So Vash and Knives might have been part of a continuing series of experiments to make the plants self-proliferate.  Think about it, if plants can pop out another plant any time one is needed, then there would be an abundance of plants to be had and never a shortage or need to worry about a replacement when a plant’s Last Run comes or it gets sick, and there would be no need to artificially create more of them. Put the strain of reproducing plants on the Plants themselves, just as they generate essentials for life, they’d also generate more of their kind. Given how much human DNA the plants had, the scientists may have decided to use it to their advantage (or else it was planned all along,) and tried to tweak things to make a Plant give birth.   Given the amount and type of other DNA used besides human DNA, it’s safe to say that Plants can reproduce asexually, using their own genetic material.  SEEDS 5 may have been running the first wave of those types of experiments, leading to the birth of Tesla, fifty years before Vash and Knives. But maybe something went wrong, or not quite right, and Tesla came out more human than plant. In tweaking genetic codes to make a plant reproduce, they ended up nudging the plants’ offspring in a different direction, a plant with almost wholly human DNA, that kept what it could generate hidden, rather than fully exposed as dependent plants. (Vash’s gate, Knives tentacles are all things they generate like dependent plants generate water and power)  So Tesla came out wrong, and instead of trying to understand her, they got impatient and ripped her apart trying to figure out where they went wrong, or else trying to figure out what she could do.  

The brutal experiments ran on Tesla could have been repeated attempts to make her reproduce like her mother plant did with her, or else an attempt to find out why she wasn’t reproducing.  Bear with me, but Tesla has the appearance of being biologically female while Vash and Knives have the appearance of being biologically male. Whatever tampering was being done to the plants to try and give them to birth may have led the Plants to produce a male and female independent (an Adam and Eve, if you will.) The plants were given the directive to reproduce, and they did, they generated the things necessary for Plants to reproduce ad infinitum, except Vash and Knives came too late.  SEEDS 5 maybe have realized their mistake when Vash and Knives were born, they fucked up by ruining Tesla. (I know the implication here is that the twins were meant to, ahem, reproduce with Tesla, but hey. It’s trigun. Worse shit has been implied or outright shown.) (Although I think that Plants and Independents alike have the ability to reproduce asexually or with another Independent regardless of gender at will, and that their entire modus operandi around sexual organs and reproduction is greatly varied from a human’s but that’s topic for another time, and besides, the scientists may not have even realized this.) Vash and Knives being born as two may have been a fluke, or it could have been a deliberate choice on the scientists’ part, with Tesla out of commission, they might have decided that two was better than one. An heir and a spare. Maybe they had planned for them to be born apart, but they were born together,  as twins, which was seen as another failing.  We see that Vash was in a different folder than Knives on the ship’s files, so he might have been slated to be used in experiments while Knives, who showed evidence of useful powers, was to be kept back in reserve. Vash might have been assumed to be too human to be of any technical use. We do know that the twins knew Dr. Conrad, so it was likely him observing the twins from afar with the rest of whatever team he had, and planning for them while Rem cared for them.  Obviously, it would be Dr. Conrad who was in charge of the initial experiments to create self-generating plants, and that carries over to the plan he forms with Knives on Noman’s land.  Okay, this is getting long, so td;lr, Tesla, Vash and Knives were all born because the SEEDS project was trying to create self-reproducing plants and things went wrong. 

#trigun #trigun stampede #trimax #vash the stampede #millions knives #vash trigun #vash tristamp #vash trimax #trigun knives #knives tristamp #tristamp knives #trigun meta #trigun thoughts #tristamp meta #trigun analysis #tesla #trigun tesla

[jadewing-realms]

disclaimer: written pre-release

i've had this sitting in my drafts for a bit since i started playing BG3, I kept seeing a particular kind of post regarding Astarion and it really started to frustrate me soooooo. here's a vaguely coherent rant nobody asked for pff

As I got into the game, following Astarion's romance subplot, doing research on the game and characters thus far, I encountered the schism between those who love Astarion and by extension, characters like him, and those that consider said characters as little more than toxic creatures, narcissists best dealt with swiftly and harshly. The latter tends, in the posts I've found at least, to view the former as poor unfortunate souls with the dreaded "i can fix him" mentality.

Now, I'm not here to say either is entirely wrong. I think to take a side here is to do the exploration a disservice and to forget the depth of nuance in art and media interpretation.

And that's just it. Because at the end of the day, interpretation is one of the key elements involved in this discourse. In the case of Astarion, especially with the game having been in early access for so long and no complete, guaranteed details of his past or arc made public yet, with so much up in the air as the full release drops, there are worlds of interpretations that can be made regarding our infamous vampire rogue.

Is one of those interpretations that he's both emotional and literal vampire who's every action is a trap for the protagonist in order to use them, and that he's irredeemable? Yes. Is another that he's simply trying to survive in a situation he's never been in after spending two centuries living like an animal? Also yes.

The error here, I think, is to treat one interpretation like it's more "right" than another. Which is what I've seen a lot of online threads do... Insisting one perspective is superior to the other. Which is bad faith even on a good day when either perspective is based in concrete, unchangeable fact. Even moreso in this case, until there's complete canon material to bank on, and even then that will have so much variety to it since most of it will depend on the actions of the player. It's a choice-based game. There is so much space for varied experiences, and none of them will be "right" or "wrong."

I feel like in modern media discussion, when considering whether a character is actively harmful or just flawed, it can be easy to forget that some of our most popular stories are ones in which someone is deemed beyond hope or redemption, a danger to all they encountered, only for their arc to raise them from their Pit of Dickishness and set them on pedestals as some of the most memorable, inspiring characters we know.

The timeless story of the Christmas Carol gives us an absolutely despicable old geezer who literally spells out the horror he'd inflict upon the poor if he could, simply for the sin of poverty. But in an effort to fixate only on how problematic he (very much intentionally) is, we might lose sight of how the whole point of the story is to watch him be forced to confront his ways, unpack all his crap, and become better for it in the end.

Characters like Prince Zuko, Edmund Pevensie, Greedling, Steve Harrington, Boromir, James Ford, friggin Darth Vader, we wouldn't have any of them if we only read them at surface level as toxic assholes and then left it at that. But through learning the nuances of these characters and watching them confront their actions and consequences and learn from them, they not only grow and change into better people, but we love them because they hold pieces of ourselves in them, despite their sharp edges. We can understand why they are the way they are, and maybe, if we're honest with ourselves, we can acknowledge that we might have done similarly awful things under their circumstances. It makes them relatable, admirable, and cautionary all at once. It makes them human.

None of that is to say that there are never characters built purely and solely to fear and loath, not at all. True scumbags can and do exist, both in fiction and reality. To try to enforce the idea of finding empathy for a true monster is often a tactic used in reality to gaslight people into excusing said monsters' behavior.

Which leads into the "i can fix him" argument. When applied to situations dealing with real dangerous and horrid people who can't or won't change? Absolutely Not Great (though that's not to say it can't be included in a story, there are valuable themes in that on its own). Condoning this dynamic as something good is what leads to abusive relationships and innocent people staying in unhealthy situations for far too long. I'm among those who can attest to that personally.

That said, when it comes to Astarion, no one can rightly say going through his romance arc or not is condoning anything. Because it once more comes down almost entirely to perspective and interpretation, because he's a video game character comprised of pixels and a well-written script and there are limitless ways he can be interpreted and interacted with.

Like, personally, yes, there are some dynamics I'd feel uncomfy pairing him with, even with the empathy I feel for his character. Platonic or romantic, doesn't matter. Does that mean I'm going to apply my interpretation and personal boundaries to the next person playing the Astarion romance? No. That would be assuming I've somehow discovered the "correct" way to interpret the game, which I have not and can never do because RPGs like Baldur's Gate 3 are such personalized experiences. People are 100% free to play a fictional game however the hell they so please, because stories are not inherently 1-to-1 reflections of reality.

Especially when it comes to the narcissism accusation, it sparks an extra layer of discomfort for me when it seems like characters who act selfishly or spin lies get called "narcissistic" when that's kinda severely over-generalizing what narcissism actually is??

Narcissism is inherently selfish, but not all selfishness is narcissism. Gaslighting is built on lies, but not all lies are gaslighting. This separation was literally bugging me so much, I talked with my therapist about it last week. And she agreed.

Some folks seem to forget is actual NPD isn't just about selfishness and manipulating. It's fragile ego and delusions of grandeur and the mind games, dysregulating highs and humiliating lows that they will weave in a web around you so that you, as a victim, can never get your mental and emotional footing. Usually for the purposes of then swooping in to offer themselves as your only source of stability. The whole "rely on me because your judgment is clearly faulty and you need to be protected from yourself" shtick.

You know. Kinda like Cazador.

The way I see Astarion, by contrast, is that he has an honesty to him that lacks such delusions. As much as he desperately tries to maintain this veneer of poise and sass and devil-may-care out of self-preservation, it's paper thin and crumples under the barest pressure. Like, the equivalent of a thematic sneeze and down he goes. Then you see him as he is. Which is just... frightened. Sad. Kinda pathetic, really. And absolutely, positively lost. All things he knows, but he legit believes he will be killed if he lets any of it show.

Comparing that to, say, Wyll, who's blissfully ignorant bluster reminds me painfully of self-aggrandizing family members that I love but can't interact with honestly because of the forest of self-delusion around them... well, it's not much of a contest.

If somebody interprets Astarion as a slimy, manipulating power-monger and gets rid of him the first chance they have, that's their story to tell and power to them for it. But the same must be said for the opposite. I don't appreciate the thought that there's a whole sect of the BG3 fandom that probably genuinely considers me "less than" or "unhealthy" or "problematic" in some way for being among those who like this character or others like him and their potential thematically and narratively. But if my interpretation is that he’s a frightened man who just wants to feel safe and free, that is also its own story and it's mine to tell if I wish. And both can be good or even powerful stories!

Is all of this based on my own personal nuances, biases, and priorities? Absolutely. And that's kinda the whole point... There's not a wrong answer with this, really. I experience these games and these characters through a lens that is mine and mine only, and I give meaning to the worlds I enter based on what makes the story feel most interesting and satisfying for me. And at the end of the day, what else is art for but to help us explore ourselves and learn a little bit more about what it means to be human. In all its glory and ugliness.

And that's a wholly personal journey nobody deserves to have micromanaged or belittled. I'm certainly not gonna go around looking down on anyone for having a different reading than mine. You do you, boo. But let me do me too.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #my musings #in this essay i will #half of this feels incomprehensible because i added tidbits over the span of a week #but maybe someone somewhere will get something out of it #it was cathartic for me anyway #narcissism #character analysis #media literacy #art interpretation #thanks for coming to my ted talk