#of my* past reads had been online and had a different vibe to those i've read in the past

[imblocking-you]

Y'all I read novels sometimes because I've been spoiled about the geral gist of the story and a particular moment in the book worth waiting for. In orv, I was told about the dokja meets od scene with yjh somewhere and it got me excited about the novel kept me going despite constantly crying lmao. In S-class I learned about some qipao(?) scene although idk if it's true. In lcf, I learned about krs but honestly even without something to wait for it was all around enjoyable and kept me on my toes. In mdzs, it was the hairband thing scene YK THE ONE and countless other little pieces of information that drowned me in the fandom, took me for a long swim. For tgcf, it was just the existence of hua cheng, like in general and coffin scene lol. In KOD, everything ab it, I love kod but spoilers here were insane, man. For twsb, I think it was just the female lead getting a different role idkk it got me hooked even without a spoiler so this is like revealed really early on. For IDWTR, I think it's the "fairytale arc" as they called it which convinced me to bear with the mtl bc I am a aucker for world-hopping or any of the same sort.

#reveals secrets and variety are my shtick #useless post #nothing to learn from here #no lessons no takeaways nothing just me going about saying whatever #but yeah #my online reading experience #i started on the university series too cause some tiktok advertised it as better than it actually was #came out disappointed so now it only amounts to the honourary mentions #i haven't read a genuine physical book in a while all pf #of my* past reads had been online and had a different vibe to those i've read in the past #it has significantly altered me and aspects of my personality during quarantine and beyond #idk what im saying it's 1 am #why cant i just read quietly and stop the urge to share my opinion #this is why reading w no wifi is better #webnovel

[chubbening]

Things I've Written

idk how vital this is, but in case anyone's curious about the stories I've posted and don't feel like browsing my galleries, here's a quick rundown.

1. Everyone's Feeding You: By far my most popular piece. My first foray into second-person smut. You (assumed femme) have recently noticed people treating you a bit differently lately. Like, weirdly hospitable and giving with their food. And the endless gluttony maaay be having an effect on you. No explicit sex, just feedee vibes. Excerpt: "There were donuts in the breakroom the other day, and of course you took one. But then, back at your desk, your coworker offered you theirs—gave some excuse about having a big breakfast. And you took it, as though your girlfriend hadn’t made you a monstrous omelet that morning. And then, seeing that, your other coworker put half of their donut on your desk and said they were trying to watch their weight. And as you stuffed more jelly pastry into your already-full stomach, you couldn’t shake the thought: they were treating you like the fat girl of the group. Everyone was." 2. Calories and Kink: A long one, posted chapter by chapter. 17 are up so far (as of 5/31), but it will have an ending. Anthro furry stuff. Alexa, local goth lesbian fox, wastes away in her barren hometown. Her friends have moved on to better places. Her last relationship went out like an industrial fire (toxic, avoidable, burned longer than anyone expected). Another lonely night at the bar takes a turn when she bumps into Reggie, a big bad jock of a maned wolf, once the high school bully and Alexa's guilty crush. Both soon realize they've grown past the childish antagonism, but not their secret hots for each other. And Alexa has another hidden desire driving her: she wants to get fat. Is Reggie the dominant feeder she's been longing for? Is that worth looking past Reggie's history? Explicit. Excerpt: "Reggie rolled her eyes. 'Ya know, you gave me shit for acting like I was still in high school. Yet here you are still looking and talking like the same don’t-care won’t-care stoner goth you always were.' 'Like you knew who I was. You barely noticed me.' 'Whatever. Give me your phone number.' Now that she’d calmed down a bit, Alexa stopped to honestly consider her feelings. The night had been a rollercoaster. Would she want to do it again? Did she really want to see how serious Reggie had been back at the pizza shop? What if she did gain weight? Her mom wouldn’t like it, but it wasn’t like she was here. Alexa’s coworkers and friends wouldn’t give her any shit. But still, it was one of those things she’d always regarded as a fantasy. Something to read about online, something to stroke off to. She’d never actually talked to anyone IRL about it. Well, not since Syd. This could either be amazing or another catastrophe." 3. The Food Hoarder: The 3.5 Draconomicon is my favorite D&D sourcebook to date for many reasons. There's a dragon-exclusive prestige class called dragon ascendant. One of the prerequisites to taking the class is to eat one's own hoard. So uhhh yeah the premise writes itself: an ancient dragon who hoards food learns what step one is to becoming a goddess. Nothing explicit, technically feral I guess but I've always considered dragons an interesting case. Excerpt: "She lifted her lithe body and stretched, not unlike a hundred-foot cat. On light feet, she padded about her lair, examining the displays of food. Where to start? She wasn’t particularly hungry, having eaten several cattle just yesterday and lazed about since then. Well, she thought, running through the catalogue in her head. If we’ve already had dinner, why not begin with dessert? Her forked tongue licked her cavernous chops as she leapt up to a broad ledge on the north side of the chamber. Cakes. Pies. Pastries. Iced cream. Tarts. Puddings. Casks of sweet wines. All flavors, from all cultures in the world."

4. The Hunger of Dragons: More dragons! When Astal, local anthro dragon adventurer lady, is invited over for dinner by her old friend Silith, she discovers an appetite she didn't know she had. Silith is already well aware of her special relationship with food, as is her human girlfriend, Elryn. Sapphism ensues, and Astal learns a lot about herself. This one also has me dipping my toe into some light macro. Explicit. Excerpt: "Astal smiled, the nerves and awkwardness disappearing in her old friend’s soft embrace. And Silith was soft. When she stepped back, Astal saw that she had chubbed up quite a bit. Silith had never been as thin as her friend, but now she sported a hefty belly and chest, with thick padding everywhere else. Even her scaly red tail seemed fatter. Her wavy hair framed a round, tenderly smiling face with a blunted snout. 'It’s good to see you too,' Astal replied. 'You seem...healthy.' She caught herself staring at her friend’s middle as she spoke and quickly looked up. 'Doing well for yourself, I mean.'"

5. Kobolds Need Food, Badly: A quick, fun romp wherein 3 runaway kobolds settle an argument through gluttony. One thinks the city is the best place to live, the second heard about a cave of desires, and the third advocates stealing from a witch. They part ways, agreeing that whoever gains the most weight in a year will have found their new home. Nothing explicit. Excerpt: "Riska was taken aback as they strolled the streets of the human city. Until now, they were under the impression the tall ones slept when the sky was dark. But many still bustled to and fro under the light of lamps, some apparently on business, other obviously seeking pleasure. Keeping their purpose in mind—and feeling like their stomach was imploding—Riska followed the latter types and soon found a bustling row of taverns. Their sharp, draconic nose soon picked up a dizzying array of scents. Never had they sensed so much or so many kinds of food in one place before, but this was how they imagined the caravans from their grandfather’s stories."

6. Doubling Up: Tessa the centaur and Lina the werewolf have a new housemate who likes to cook. A lot. And even though she stopped to eat her fill on the way home already, Tessa can't bring herself to turn down a centaur-sized portion of home-cooked food. And oopsie, it awakens something in her...and in Lina. (Feedism, it awakens feedism.) Explicit. Excerpt: "She couldn’t possibly eat more tonight, right? But also…what if she could? She felt she had to try. The first bite solidified her decision. Like the rest of the meal, the cobbler showed RJ to be a brilliant cook. Bite after bite disappeared between Tessa’s lips. She was in a haze, but she kept eating. When the pie was gone, she paused and let a new wave of fullness wash over her. She’d pushed her limits tonight, for sure. But as long as she didn’t make this a habit, she figured there was no harm in the extra indulgence."

#me #my writing #feedee writing

[searchforthescars]

If this is out of line, please feel free to delete this ask :) I follow your Twitter and I read your Cam/Pal ☕️ post here, but now that Nona's been out for a whopping 48 hours, I was wondering how you're feeling about the fandom and the story about Cam and Pal and Paul [screams]

(First of all, I'm very sorry for this delayed reply - it started off as "Well, I want to make sure my self-imposed spoiler period is over" and then continued into "well I don't want to Step In It, fandom-wise." But I have thoughts and you asked, and I appreciate that :3).

The following content was written in mid-September and has been edited slightly for length and clarity. It's still long. Sorry lmao.

Nona the Ninth was, to (probably) the shock of no one who knows me, a gift to me specifically. I joke that this book was written for me because it has so many things I love: apocalyptic settings, examinations of all the hazards and casualties of love, and some EXPLANATIONS OF WHAT THE HELL JOHN DID.

There was also Cam/Pal. So much Cam/Pal. "I hope you know that I adore you, Scholar." SHUT THE FUCK UP?????? HELLO??????????? "LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND LOVE IS TOO LONG" OKAY GOODBYE

Now, I should also say that I've had a Nona ARC since the summer, so I've been sitting on this for a hot minute. My experience reading the book was equal parts "WOW I AM WINNING" and "wow the fandom is going to go nuclear." And while I haven't seen as much hate as I was expecting, I suspect some of that is because I got over my fear of blocking people and have blocked often and liberally if the situation calls for it.

To be clear, I never have an issue with people shipping things that I don't ship. I never have a problem with people actively disliking my ships. What I do have a problem with is people coming into my DMs, notes, askbox, etc., and calling me names, attacking me, and generally being vile in mine own house when they could just as easily scroll away.

That's what happened around Cam/Pal between HtN and NtN. I'm not going to dredge up the details for the sanity of myself and my friends, but it was real and it was bad. Real people were deeply hurt. I've been in fandom - including some really nuclear ones - for more than half my life, and it has never been this bad.

At this point, my stance is this: Nona the Ninth made a near-ironclad case for Cam/Pal being canonically romantically entwined. Nona the Ninth also established that the two of them have been in love for a long time. The scene where they became Paul is, in my opinion, akin to a marriage proposal - especially when you weave in the fact that the "three strands" verse Dulcie quotes about them in Harrow the Ninth is often quoted in weddings and also talks about two people being better than one, etc etc.

My stance is also: if you read them as platonic but vibe just fine with people who don't read it that way, and you filter your internet experience through tagging, blocking, and scrolling past what you don't vibe with - more power to you. You're doing great, and I have no quarrel with you at all.

If you, however, choose to make sweeping faux-pearl-clutching statements about the creeps who ship cousins, you can get the fuck out of my house. Block me, unfollow me, whatever, but this is not the place for you.

Because also, nine times of ten, it's not about the fact that they're SECOND cousins (which is vastly different from cousins). It's about people disliking that a female character is with a male character. The Venn diagram of people I've seen being loudly angry and faux-pearl-clutching about Cam/Pal as a romantic ship and the people who insist Camilla is something that isn't bi and say that anyone headcannoning her as bi is something-phobic is almost a circle.

Again. You don't have to think Cam is bi or ship Cam/Pal. But there is no reason you need to rain on the parade of those who do.

But, because so many people do, I chose to open my umbrella and shout over the noise with my properly-tagged fic and all my online shenanigans. Because that's what fandom is about, for me. And I - like I ask others to do - mitigate my own online experience.

I'm always going to be a little angry and bitter over what happened with the Cam/Pal discourse. I'm always going to grit my teeth when I recall the person who told me they felt sorry for my sister because I "shipped incest." (Ironically, this person ships the Tridentarii.) I'm always going to be twitchy about being a Cam/Pal gremlin on main (despite that fact that I am apparently now something of a Sixth House Expert on TikTok??? weird).

But overall, Nona's release day was one of the most entertaining, unhinged 24 hours I've ever had in fandom. It reminded me of why I love fandom so deeply and fiercely; it's supposed to be about community and celebration, both of the source material and about all the diversity that accompanies a myriad of reads of that same material. I truly hope (edit: as of the time this was posted, the following statement is true) that this is a sign of what is to come for the corners of the TLT fandom I'm in; I hope that we will continue to celebrate what Tamsyn gifted us while also going unhinged over the possibilities left for us in AtN.

#anonymous #the locked tomb

[arcane-ish]

Recommendation: Realms of Runeterra Audiobook

There is a book published by Riot games that sort of explains their universe called Realms of Runeterra. It came out in 2019.

The most important thing you need to know is that you don't need to buy this book. If you have ever read a wikipedia article on any of the Runeterra/League of Legends/Arcane regions => 90% of the stuff in there is just copied straight of the books.

Like this stuff?

is just copied from the Realms of Runeterra book.

IMO the book is quite pretty and almost has "coffee table" qualities. It has pretty pictures and collects together all the "wikipedia" information.

Intermixed with this a various short stories to give you some flavor for the regions. All of those short stories as not fully available online from what I can see, but they are also summed up by the various wikis.

So, now that I've explain why you don't need that book unless you want a pretty coffee table decoration: Realms of Runeterra works surprisingly well as an audiobook!

Which really surprised me because part of it has this encyclopedia/travel guide style. But then I spent one of my audible token on it, I actually had a really good time listening to it. Especially since I personally often struggle with enjoying short stories/reading short stories, especially if they are about non major characters.

But as stories being told to you, it actually brings in a nice variety.

When I thought back on the book, the ones that stuck out to me the most were Zaun, Noxus & Freljord and then Bilgewater.

I will now ramble on in more detail on the different short stories under the cut. But yes my review is, while it wasn't world changing I don't think that it's a "rush out, must buy at full price", if by any chance you have an audible token lying around, consider spending it on the Realms of Runeterra audiobook (especially if you are missing Arcane and want some vibes). [and no, this is not a referral/kickback link]

BTW, I'm not gonna spoil the stories in detail, but I will talk in detail about my feelings about that and that in itself can raise expectations/give off vibes. I'm talking about them in order of how much I like them.

Zaun: I find it hard to say whether this story is that high simply because of Arcane I just have the deepest emotional connection to Zaun as a region. The funny thing about this it is: I feel like I don't actually like that story. The characters kind of feel like they are almost more like blueprints ("the scrappy street urchin", "the haughty Piltover assassin" aka proto Camille, "the mysterious chem baron" aka proto Silco) rather than real fully fledged character and I kind of don't care for the story itself (both the main action story and the implied past backstory) and find it a bite trite => But I have to say with real grudging respect, despite all these real complaints and gripes with the story, I can't deny that it really stuck with me despite all of this. And to me that is one of the best compliments that I can give.

Noxus: I low key feel that might be the best story of the book that really does a good job of fleshing out the region and the mindset while feeling very real. I could see this story being boring to others, but I think if you have at any point cared about international politics it's a really fascinating story about colonialism/imperialism. It really fleshes out the concept of the war mason and what it's really like to be some random place under Noxus.

Freljord: Now this is a very simple story. I feel like it's plot can probably be summed in a single sentence. But somehow I still really liked it and I think it did a good job of portraying its characters and world. Bascically: it had the vibes. I think this story might have been greatly enhanced by the fact that I play the Legends of Runeterra card game and this story is I think where I had by big "aha!" moment and realized that many of the Legends of Runeterra cards are actually based on stories from this book. So I could nerd out "OMG, I have had this card played against me!" respectively I had the visiual of the card in my mind.

==> I find it interesting that when it comes to my top 3, none of them feature a champion as a main character, that they are all about normal grunt people

Anyway, on the with ranking:

Bilgewater: First story to feature a champion and it's one of my faves from a story/lore perspective Kindred. The lore is very cool the characterization is good. I think the main reason why this is slightly lower than the other is because man this story is effing weird.

Shadow Isles: I feel like this story should probably be higher in the rankings based on quality alone, but I have to dock it points because when I was trying to think about my favorite stories from the book it completely slipped my mind that that it was even part of it. I do think that it is well written and moody, the Champion in question is well used, the main conflict is actually interesting and well done and the threats feel interesting and believable and the lore implications are very intriguing. Plus it did a good job establishing a decent amount of "canon fodder" supporting characters in a small scale. It also feel like it gave me a new angle to the Shadow Isles I hadn't really considered.

Ionia: Just overall decent and solid. One of the larger roles of a popular champion. Not too many characters but they feel well rounded and the world feels well portrayed, you buy that this just a small moment in a larger conflict. I guess it's this low becaues it feels like a very standard mystical kung fu tale, so maybe a bit pedestrian (yes, despite the fact that it does feature magic). It has a very lengthy setup that successfully invokes a lot of martial arts movies and in that it is very vivid, as in I can easily picture the scene in my mind, but I guess I feel it doesn't fully grow much beyond that. I feel like I would have preferred a story that delved deeper into the more mystical/Vastaya aspect of Ionia or the story could have done with a twist (or maybe a better twist? all the ones it had felt pretty predictable?). Still a solid story.

Shurima: I think this story was harmed because it's actually very important characterization for a certain champion and because of that I was "spoiled" for it by having it already be covered by various League lore channels. (plus I wonder if you are Arcane only and don't follow the lore channel whether the mysticism of the story would hit or wheher you would be confused why you should care about this people). The main character is likable but yeah I was hit by "oh, that story" and it didn't really grow beyond that.

Demacia: I'm sorry Cithria, I really like you in Legends of Runeterra, but this story was quite boring to me. The main topic of story is the in universe game of Tellstones and maybe it was harmed by the fact that 1.) I know what Tellstones is and how it works 2.) I know that from a board game point of view, it's actually really terrible. The story tries very valiantly to make it interesting and exciting but yeah I feel like eve if you don't have this exposure to Tellstones beforehand, I think it just isn't happening/it's just not that interesting.

#arcane #league of legends #lor #realms of runeterra #legends of runeterra

[pastelpendant]

Hello again Pen! To risk sounding like pretty much everybody from a day-ish ago, it’s lovely to have You back. Your return improved an already fine day a good deal.

I’m incredibly sorry to hear about Your injury and experience with covid (I’ve had it too, recently, and it’s absolutely awful, I hope Yours came and went smoothly like mine had and that You’re taking care of Yourself) but it’s relieving to know You’re doing alright even if it’s a gradual improvement.

As for myself, everything is going well! Not much to complain about, especially since the podcasts I went on about last time are very easy to hyperfixate on.

I’m unsure how to word this next part honestly (and also unsure whether it reads as melodramatic, I’m not fantastic with tone unfortunately. Apologies 😅) Point: I’ve wanted to come off anon for a little while now, but needed to convince myself a bit first. While I’d like to think I’m more open online than in real life, my blog is still ‘me.’ It feels like sharing something rather personal. I’m sure You understand.

My other name (online, at least) is Coryn. I don’t mind which name is used or if You just use my username instead, it’s all fine. I’m not expecting anything to change with our interactions of course, I just wanted to talk more openly. I think I’ll feel more genuine this way.

Once again, incredibly happy to see You back okay, and I hope Your health improves quickly and easily. Good timezone wherever You are and thanks for reading my overly wordy rambles. ❤️

-El/Coryn

Hehe, even if a lot of people have been saying it, that actually makes Me incredibly happy! It means I actually have a genuine place in people's minds, y'know? As opposed to the one I make for Myself when hypnotizing others.

My covid experience was...Not ideal in the slightest, hahaha. Besides the on and off fever, I also lost my voice for over a month and had a cough that persisted for even longer. There were some other symptoms as well, but those I'll keep private. However, I'm very glad to put it behind Me and focus on more fun things again now that I've recovered fully!

Glad you're still fixated on your podcasts!! I never actually got around to trying magnus archives as it didn't really vibe with what I look for in content, but I'm still very happy for you ~

I understand why it can be difficult to post about this stuff on your blog. This is a separate identity from My "main" online presence as well. I'm quite fond of the slight anonymity and the different ways one can present themselves online, and for Me while each one is genuine, I still don't really want too much overlap. If you think it would be valuable to you, you could always make a sideblog for your explorations in hypnokink!

Thank you, though, for trusting Me enough to come off anon and to tell Me the other name you enjoy going by. As you are aware, names have quite a bit of meaning to Us Fae, and it's quite the honor to obtain yours when I've adored you and your writing for such a long time. <3 I re-read our past exchanges rather frequently!

I look forward to seeing you around again, in whatever capacity helps you feel most comfortable and allows you to enjoy the Garden the most 💖

#asks #queer-and-fearful #pen answers #el

[life-of-cae]

Rediscovering myself

I feel lost lately. It's been years of me being a blank slate. It felt like my identity is comprised of the different characteristics of those around me. I'm a conformist. I've always considered myself as someone who easily gets a long with people - given that I really want to in the first place - and effortlessly coming up with topics that can keep the conversation alive. I'm good at making it seem like I'm interested on what others are interested in. And now, another realization dawned upon me. I lost myself along time ago. I'm not actually aware when it started, but there was a point in my life that I lost enthusiasm in almost everything. Of course, I needed to go on with my life despite having existential crisis, I still had to engage with people. That's when I started somehow mirroring people's vibe. I really don't know if this falls to the category of being two-faced, or rather just being civil in a way. I was subconsciously aware of this and I'm guilty in just going along with it. I never thought that there will come a time that I'll get tired of it. That I will feel so uncomfortable with my own skin - if this is even mine. Writing here somehow awaken my old self again. I decided to continue writing and reading books that I was interested in the past. I will try to detach myself from social media - meaning with my online friends as well. This is a hard pill to swallow, but I think I have been trying to be relevant now-a-days, which I find tiring and unnecessary. I keep forcing myself to answer questions that I don't really have answers to. I'm now convinced that I need to rediscover myself and stop molding myself based on the people around me. It's time to retrace my tracks. No more wandering around.

#daily #020524

[whatsvivireading]

🧡🖤A Court of Silver Flames Review 🖤🧡

3.75/5🧡

I finally picked up A Court of Silver Flames because I've Kind of been on a Sarah J Maas binge recently, I’m just so obsessed with the worlds she builds, and also because I’ve been SO scared of accidentally stumbling upon spoilers online. I would be sad to have finally caught up on the ACOTAR series, but I have SO many more Sarah J Maas books to read!

This book is primarily about Nesta’s healing journey, and is supposed to be an emotional, character driven story. It’s a lot of training and learning how to deal with difficult emotions, and coping. I’m not sure what others would call it, but it gave me montage vibes. Along the way Nesta does learn to trust people and let her family in, but she also makes new friends, her own found family that she never really experienced before. In the background of this emotional journey, the immortal queen is stirring up trouble, and they need Nesta’s help to take her down.

Nesta is primarily the main character, but it is Cassian who is tasked with training her and monitoring her progress. Nesta has been at rock bottom for some time now, and she isn’t willing to let anyone help her. And Cassian has this need to help people who are hurting, so the pair works together perfectly. Well not really, because Nesta is fighting him basically the entire book, and he just wants to see her try again. But it makes for amazing sexual tension, and when things heat up…oh damn do they get extremely steamy. Nesta faces major (and much needed) character development which absolutely wouldn’t have happened without her family's involvement and Cassian's stubborn determination.

Coming to terms with every aspect of yourself, even the dark parts, and being able to forgive yourself, and finding the people who accept you are two major themes that show up throughout the novel. My favorite part of this book really highlights being able to forgive yourself.

Page 506:

“All the things I’ve done before—”

“Leave them in the past. Apologize to who you feel the need to, but leave those things behind.”

“Forgiveness is not that easy.”

“Forgiveness is something we also grant ourselves. And I can talk to you until these mountains crumble around us, but if you don’t wish to be forgiven, if you don’t want to stop feeling this way … it won’t happen.”

This part…really hit me hard. Something I’ve struggled with for a very long time has been letting go of the past and forgiving myself. It’s still hard to forgive myself, to find myself being worthy of forgiveness, but I will never move forward if I only hang onto the past. It was also probably from about this point where I stopped finding Nesta as annoying as I did in the beginning and started to understand why she’s like this.

I have always loved Sarah J Maas’ writing style. The way she crafts her world, the scenes that turn into a movie in my head, she never fails to completely whisk me away from reality and this book is no different. The tone she uses perfectly fits the disparity and uncertainty Nests feels in the beginning of the book, and changes very slowly to hopeful, strong, and willing. It is beautiful to see, and her writing style definitely is the reason I was able to finish this book so quickly! I devour all of her books in days though!!

So, what are my thoughts on this book?

I could not stand Nesta for the first 70% of the book or so. It bothered me so much that she was in such a mindset where she really truly believed no one else would ever understand what had happened to her, when she was surrounded by Fae who are hundreds of years old, her sister who was thrown in the cauldron with her, and her youngest sister who started hunting when she was 14 to keep them alive. I know how deep this book goes into her grief and I loved reading her journey, but Nests was insufferable for the majority of the book. In the end I like her more than I did in any other book, but I still don’t love her. I also think Cassian is way too good for her, but she also thinks that so I’m not really going to touch more on that. I should also mention here, I was an only child, and I have seen a lot of people mention “big sister trauma” hitting different, so maybe I’m just more disconnected from Nesta as a character. Her trauma is valid even if I can’t understand it completely, but that doesn’t forgive her for intentionally hurt those around her over and over again.

#bookstagram #book review #ACOSF review

[neonapocalypta]

(Mostly) First Impressions of Eternal Filena

CONTEXT: Another thread repost from my twitter during my original batch of Takeshi Shudo stuff I watched while being ill in March. Of course, these are edited for any grammar and anything that didn't need to be there w/ hindsight. This time, I actually had to add stuff in the form of notes. I gotta get back on this watch, I've just been down so many rabbit holes this year. I had also watched cosmos pink shock, but never got around to talking about it despite loving it. I look forward to talking about these shows more someday. (And pretty soon for one of them...)

---

I knew getting ahold of a lot of Takeshi Shudo's early work was gonna be a challenge, but at least according to Wikipedia he did a lot of uncredited work throughout the early 70s. What a shame, even if it seems like he was just a helping hand.

Lucky for me I guess I've seen enough of the guy's work that I can usually tell what he might have written. He has a distinct style from what I've sampled so far. [NEW NOTE: This is in relation to some of the earliest shows he worked on as a writer. I had been having trouble finding his proper credit online for individual episodes he wrote. I had watched those before watching these ovas. During these shows I'd just have to watch an ep and guess if he'd pop up in the credits. I was right pretty much every time. What a nice memory.]

So far, my favs are Radio City Fantasy and Eternal Filena. Radio is a cute love story in twist with a drug trip. Filena is also a love story about two people that have to come together and make shit work.

Filena has 3 versions. The light novel (I can't read it.) the game, and the anime that was never completed. The anime is still worth watching, it has some cool visuals and frankly I love Lila and Filena a lot, so its an added bonus for me. I'm not sure which version is closer to Shudo's LN. My guess would be the anime since it seems like he had more involvement in the writing, but I'm only guessing. The game feels almost has a road trip vibe and is quicker paced compared to the anime.

I know the claim about Prof Ivy being a Lesbian was debunked recently, so its cool to be able to say Takeshi Shudo has written a lesbian couple. I know there's talk about Filena being a trans man, and I think that's valid. Though it seems like this is mostly talked about from the perspective of the game, where their character is written a bit different than the show. (Less openly affectionate, more traditionally masculine personality)

Also, if Filena is a trans the ending of the game is pretty terrible then, forcing them to wear a dress when they don't want to. (Aka forcing them to conform to women gender roles in this case.) I'm not saying that's why I think Filena isn't trans, I'm saying if they are, that's a really shitty ending for a trans guy. Epesh bc Lila, their partner, is making them wear it.

My guess is that Shudo intended them to be a lesbian couple. Rn having access to the novels would be really helpful. If you've never read a Shudo novel, at the least the Pokemon ones are written a lot different than most books. Most people would say he's a terrible writer, but I disagree. At least in those books you can feel his brain throughout the page. No one else could have written those books in that exact way. He has a voice, lets say, and I'm sure the writing style is the same in the EF LNs. Either way, I think it's so cool to have a series from the 90s that lets people speculate about queer identities and there's viable text to provoke discussion.

It's also cool to see how our main couple is treated. They live in a world where they're slaves and are only seen as entertainment. Together they see each other as loved ones, work ingas a team to create a better future for themselves. It's something you have to read/play to completely get what I mean and I think the anime is better at showing this aspect. But trust me, there's a warmth to their relationship past the romance. (no matter what type of couple they are.) With it being a romance, makes it better. Double for gay interpretation. It doesn't feel it was written to be "Lesbians be hot" but more "This is a couple". Even if in Shudo's novel they don't end up together (they do in the game.) or it goes any other way in the end, I still really respect how they're written.

MORE END OF THE GAME SPOILERS: They become queens at the end. Like Lila is on the throne with Filena. Based.

I'd love to keep talking about Filena and Lila at length bc I think they're great, but I don't want to spoil anything else. Btw the game is on the SNES and never got localized (i WoNdEr WhY?) so Filena being either a gay woman or a trans protag is pretty cool considering the era. Fuck, her being a woman protag by itself was a big deal for that era as far as I know.

*Btw not saying the Queer themes are the only reason this wasn't brought over. I could guess several like how it looks like FF or how its an adult property, and more. [NEW NOTE: I think I meant it looks enough like Final Fantasy that investors wouldn't want to risk it being in competition with those games. tbh that coulda made it a better candidate for an ENG release during certain times as well. I was just spit ballin' but it bothered me enough to add this note. While we're here, I think between it's adult and Queer themes, and also coming out in 95 is most likely why it stayed JPN excusive. I should have mentioned its late release date (for the SNES), but when you're sick and on twitter things slip through the cracks I guess.]

The game has a fan translation and there's a recent lp that shows it off. I'd say check it out if you like that era of JRPGs in general. Personally, for English speakers at least, the game then the anime is the best way to go since you'll get a full story first.

There's several reasons I like one version over the other but that's small shit and I've written enough for now. I wasn't planning on this thread becoming about Filena but I guess it is national Women's day [At time of writing] and no matter Filena's gender, Lila is a queen.

Also sorry if I get anything wrong. Espesh about Shudo's career. Info on the english web is not great. Like some websites say Radio city was his first work at 18, but it came out in 1984 and he was born in 1949. If I get anything wrong, I'll correct it.

i got a lot more Shudo stuff I've seen and want to see, so maybe next time I'll post more about Radio city. This was meant to be a small update thread lol.

#takeshi shudo #eternal filena #first impressions

[love-advice-on-call]

I am 35 and never had a girlfriend. I tried dating apps but never get a response. Is love over for me?

You know, I don't think that love is something that can necessarily be over, but what I can tell you is that if you're 35 and you haven't been in a serious relationship with someone and you couple that with not getting responses on apps, then it might be time to look inward and do some work on yourself to make yourself a bit more appealing. It's kind of superficial to say, but I can't really sugar coat that and online dating for the most part is superficial. Dating apps are all about appearance and trying to attract a girlfriend is all about your personality. There's a ton that needs to be done (almost a movie montage worth), but I'll break it down in 3 paragraphs. I rarely say requirements, but I think you have to do all 3 of these in order to get a date online now a days.

You

Work-out or take care of yourself, make money, clean up, be emotionally intelligent, have friends, hobbies, and be nice. Those are the main things women (and especially women in their 30's) are looking for in someone in their 30's and if you don't have those, then it will be hard to attract someone and keep them around long enough to become a girlfriend. The bar is actually really low, but shockingly, most people do not have more than 2 of those qualities and the more you can obtain (it would be great to have all), then the better your odds.

Your Brain

I recommend to start of with signing yourself up for therapy and working on what you're feeling inside, because it is a little uncommon to never had a romantic partner at 35 despite desiring one and it's not something that can be worked out in a couple sentences over the internet. Try to find the why you think this is the case. Therapists can also help you stay on track to be a more appealing person to potentials. If you're uncomfortable, fine, try to deal with this on your own, but I'm telling you from experience man, if you want it, then this is the way.

Dating Online

Clean up your dating profile and maybe expand to different apps. I personally liked Hinge and had great luck with that since you get to slide into folks DMs and show personality in your message.

For pictures:

One closer to your face

one full body

one showing interests/hobbies

one showing you with friends

one where you feel like you’re dressed really nice and you really feel yourself on

and absolutely no hats or sunglasses or filters. People need to see you.

Modify your profile so it says who you are. A simple where you're from, what you like to do for fun is always good. Don't try to be funny online if you're not good at no context one liners. It can be a detriment.

When you message, find something in their profile or inspect their pictures and comment on it. Either with some compliment about their personality or observation about the background area. Women really respond well to this if you do it right. And don't be creepy when you message. No pet names, no "baby girl". try not to (it's okay to and I've totally done it in the past and gotten responses) compliment their appearance, as weird as it sounds. Just keep the convo focused on getting to know them. Don't double message (i.e. message once, they dont reply, so you message again). Read what they say, comment on it, reply with a question to keep the convo moving towards a direction to eventually ask them out to coffee/tea or drinks (no dinners/movies/hikes as a first date is my rule of thumb). The messaging is the biggest art form in all of this and took me literally months to get down so don't be hard on yourself if people don't reply and end up ghosting. I'm pretty good at messages and turning matches to dates and even I get ghosted easily over 60% of the time. It's just a normal part of the process.

Messaging is just a vibe check and I usually try to turn it to a date within 3 days or 6-10 messages sent for both of us. As long as it's not within the first 30 mins of talking, you're good and asking sooner rather than later will let you know who is serious about dating.

Final thoughts

Online and Dating in general is a grind and dog shit but this is the way of our current time. You will absolutely get shot down so many times and it's soul crushing, but hey you gotta do what you gotta do and even the prettiest women online are having a hard time with apps. Don't be desperate. and for best results, talk to a therapist who might be able to give you some relationship guidance.

Posted September 23, 2022

#love advice #advice #relationships #relationship advice #relationship help #online dating #article

[raayllum]

Hey, not rayllum related but I was wondering if you could help me since I've been seeing you giving some advice to some anons: is it weird to crave validation when writing something? If so, how do you cope with it? I really want to write something, but I know not many people will read it and the lack of validation will demotivate me from finishing it. Thanks for the the answer in advance, love your blog and I hope you stay well during these trying times

of course and thank you for reaching out!! i’m glad you enjoy what i do <33 

i’d just like to say, first off, that there’s a difference between wanting validation and doing something for validation. part of art and existing as an artist is having an audience, so it is natural to want that. one of the things we talked about in my narrative theory classes this past year was how a story does not flat out exist without a reader as much as it needs an author. so wanting readers?? and reviews?? that’s totally normal. 

there have also been fics i’ve written, mostly in past fandoms, where they didn’t get much of a response and that’s part of the reason my inspiration for a fic has waned. however, i’ve also had fics get big responses and my inspiration still waned. or something i thought would be very niche — like my tdp fanfic “if time is money” which is the 3rd fic in the fandom hits wise, comments wise, kudos wise, and 2nd for bookmarks (like that’s insane) just flat out, not even ship wise — got very popular very quickly. 

i have also been in some puny fandoms (like literally me and three other people) so yeah, my work would never garner a lot of attention or help me build any sort of online platform. but the few readers i did have enthusiastically engaged with the text and my projects and that made a difference. so you really never know.

but i do know how you feel. in fandom, ship centric fics are just more popular! that’s how it is in 90% of fandoms. rayllum/tdp is the first fandom i’ve ever been in where it’s a decently sized (aka not small) fandom and my ship is the top fanon and canon one. i’ve been in fandom for 9+ years in over 8/9ish fandoms and that’s never happened before. this is a New experience for me. so i just got very used to writing for myself and the people who like it will like (or even love) it. validation is awesome and amazing and yes, i like it — hence my self reblogging and fic promotion — but that’s never what i’m writing for.

i’m writing bc i need to and i have an idea that won’t leave me alone. like, i knew my corvus&ezran brotp fic wouldn’t get a lot of attention. i didn’t expect my ellis&lujanne one to get any (and it got some). but those ideas and relationships meant something to me and i wanted to get it out of my system and share it with the people who also wanted something like that to read, even if that motivation maybe wouldn’t carry me for a longer piece — but every idea and piece of inspiration is different.

some of the best pieces of writing i’ve ever done over the years, as i’ve constantly evolved as a writer over the past almost 12 years, hasn’t gotten attention and some of it has. and i guess the main way i’ve coped with validation and that sort of weird writer space is 

1) i always write first and foremost for myself and don’t guilt myself if i don’t have inspiration to finish something. any writing i do is stuff i do in my free time for fun (and for free). as a reader, i’m always grateful i get 10 chapters out of the original 100 chapters planned. we’re just vibing. it is okay to post something and not finish it for any array of reasons. don’t let the fear of not finishing something keep you from attempting it in the first place.

2) everyone’s experience as a writer is different. some people write fanfiction and that’s all they want to do. other people, like me, also want to be a professional novelist one day. no matter which way the cards fall, writing fanfiction is a great way to get feedback of what works and what doesn’t. it’s not wrong to want that whatsoever. having a writing community, even if it’s just of readers, can be a wonderful and amazing thing. when i was younger finding out other fic authors i really loved also thought my work was great was an amazing experience, led to a lot of long lasting friendships/relationships, and a great confidence booster. all of that is more than natural to want! but also trust that other people are going to enjoy what you do too, alright? humans are freaky lil beans. we travel in packs, even in terms of fictional tastes.

3) it is okay to do something for validation. the example i think of most is telling a friend about your feelings for the purpose of having a conversation about it, or posting a picture on something like instagram. or, if you have enough motivation from it, writing a fic, long or short! for a creative pursuit like a fic, there’s probably a bit of internal wanting to do so as well beyond validation as well. however, it is important to make sure that doing things for validation stays in moderation and it doesn’t become all that you do things for, because that will lead to a long and empty road.

4) like i said above, everyone’s fandom and writing experience is different. one of the main reasons why i don’t crave validation is because i’m really good at internally validating myself, and the main way i’ve built that muscle and habit is through my original projects over the past 8ish years. i work on a 100k+ draft on my own every year for the past five years. maybe two other people read it?? 1.5? while the first two are up on wattpad under infrans, basically no one left a comment and the few notable numbers it got doesn’t actually translate to much. especially when i’m on draft five — that’s 3+ years, three plus books, based on nothing than my own self satisfaction of starting and completing a project that’s just what i want it to be. and i didn’t post any of the earlier drafts until those books were already ‘done’, either, so it was more or less the same writing situation there, even if the aftermath was different. and that works for me, because i want to be a professional novelist! i’m gonna do a lot of work in my life that no one ever really sees or bothers with — i’m gonna need a lot of internal validation to get a novel fully written and published. i want to build that muscle. but not everyone wants that and that’s okay!

long story short: craving validation in response to creative pursuits is absolutely normal and healthy. you can start a fic and not finish it and that’s okay — fandom is for fun and for practice. internal validation, especially for original or solo projects, can be important to build, but that doesn’t mean fandom stops being a fun community.

have fun, and happy writing!!

#thanks for asking #anonymous #writing advice #fic: if time is money

[spongebob-connoisseur]

Ah ok so unpopular opinion i guess since I've noticed many Spongebob fans enjoy seasons 11-12, the most recent ones: I honestly think they're worse than seasons 6-8. Seasons 6-8 were at least bearable and somewhat entertaining, but the flanderization and exaggeration have become so awful in the past couple of years. Seasons 9-10 were headed in the right direction but shit went so downhill in 2018😔

You're coming for me personally my guy😭 its okay though, its fun💖

Yeah I'm personally one of those who think seasons 10-12 were great and wasn't a huge fan of seasons 6-9a.

Of course its a pretty subjective topic and that doesn't mean I'm right and you have your reasons why you feel the opposite.

Buuuut I will explain why I feel like this just for fun.

Idk?? The newer episodes are just fun and goofy in their own way. Its not like classic spongebob or really any Spongebob but still felt like our little yellow boy. It felt different and kind of out of the box if I can explain it right? It was refreshing.

I remember my interest in Spongebob began to resurface around 2014 when cartoon reviewers were critiquing Spongebob and it was a popular thing to drag anything past season 4. I don't remember how I found it but it strangely was able to sum up why I felt uncomfortable by Spongebob and why I stopped watching the show when I was 11. I didn't agree that everything past season 4 was garbage but some of the points hit home.

I spent some time rewatching episodes online and figuring out about the show and why I liked it and what I didn't like about it. I could pin point the time of Spongebob I felt was starting to get that weird off beat vibe I was getting around the time when I stopped watching the show which was around season 6. Not all of season 6 was bad but it was when I could strongly identify it was uncomfortable.

The weird change in color palette change (tbh the color palette in this show changes every season) but here it was just bright and hard to watch (and I have an eye condition which made it harder to stand bright colors and lights when i was younger but here was just harder) the episodes didn't have much of a direction, they felt really slow, background characters were very grotesque (season 7 is where this peaked), the story was frustrating to watch since its often dragged out, squidward torture porn, the character's personalities were all unlikable to me. It just didn't feel right. It felt eerie or blank at most.

Soon the spongebob movie 2 comes around and I was a depressed angsty teeeen and that movie was a huge pick me up and made me feel so happy and I started to keep up with the show again.

The show picked up season 9b and season 10. Season 9b was pretty fun to watch and I enjoyed it. It wasn't hard to watch like season 9a or season 8.

Then there was season 10 which was completely different. I think lost in bikini bottom was my first season 10 episode but it was just different. Spongebob's design was more stretchy, his voice sounded slightly different, the colors are too bright still but tolerable.

There was more episodes like Mermaid pants that I absolutely love!! It felt similar to a classic episode because of Squidward joining in on the fun with spongebob, playing along as a mermaid man villain known as Dr. Negative.

Not all of season 10 is perfect. Its some hits and misses but I liked the new tone and vibe of the show and it got carried on to season 11. I just liked this goofy new sponge. His design is so stretchy and fun!

I remember season 7 and his cardboard box design. His arms drawn so high and he'd barely move besides talking unless it was plankton stealing the formula type gag.

I do agree though that seasons 11 and 12 exaggerate it too much but I'd rather have that then no movement at all. Though I do think season 1 was probably the best example of how spongebob's stretchinees and mobility was drawn. I feel like that should be the blueprint.

The show also picked up pace and I felt like it was going somewhere. I admit now it can be a little too fast paced to the point of disorienting at times.

I also feel like at times its more consistent? With the characters. Not all the time but the idea that Spongebob can be a perfectionist and Squidward can be selfish and arrogant and is meant to get karma in the end, not a cruel punishment from the universe for existing.

Its still a hit and miss. Some episodes can suuuuck in these seasons but for the ones that I liked, I'm accepting of it. There are some episodes that ignore all I've said above.

The problems I do have with these episodes aside from bright colors and being too wild to keep up on is the ableism. That's the biggest problem. It comes up once in a while even with pre spongebob movie 2 episodes but its jarring to watch.

There are also a problem with recycled plots. Spongebob in randomland is rock bottom and pizza delivery smooshed together. Its actually lost in bikini bottom. It rips off other episodes.

I know the show has been on so long so its bound to repeat itself but its kind of shameless?

I feel like I'm just rambling here since I'm typing this out on my phone at 3am. Its hard to explain that I just find seasons 10-12 spongebob adorable and fun to watch. Its strangely comforting, when I feel down I just get the feeling to watch it again. There are references to classic episodes that feel like a treat to notice. Sometimes I feel like they're milking off the legacy of them though. Like doodle dimension was my least favorite. I could ramble on and on about it.

But I should mention seasons 6-9a since I've been dragging on it. I stopped watching the show roughly around season 8ish? The episode listings are messed uuuuup from what I remember. But anyways these episodes always had the most fun concepts? Some episodes did feel boring at times like only taking place at the Krusty krab but when they weren't, they had genuinely great ideas! Some I feel weren't executed as greatly as they could but it was a fun thing to try to rewrite the episode's idea and that lead to this blog being created since I had so much ideas and stuff about it. I don't have my notes anymore. I think I have one about rewriting the Stanley Squarepants episode somewhere if you'd like to hear it then I could dig it out.

Also while writing this I remembered something! Why I got back into spongebob! It was a song from the episode "spongebob's last stand" there was a song that popped into my head, the jellyfishing song. Its funny to remember since that's one of my favorite episodes from that middle era seasons 6-9a.

It was a good episode with a strong environmental message that managed to piss off Republicans! For me I just thought it was cute and that jellyfishing song is too catchy. I remember seeing a YouTube video where some fans meets the voice actors and they sing that song for them. If I met them then I'd like to ask that too!

Sorry about this rambling! It was fun to talk about this stuff~ it just let to a rabbit hole of thoughts. I hope its not too hard to read💜

#Ask #Spongebob theorist #the spongebob theorist #about the spongebob theorist

[eclectic-nb]

1/? Hi I'm an ocean witch and I'm currently doing a month-long ritual leading up to my birthday in August. The point of it requires some context: I grew up in a Southern state, not a drop of ocean water to be found, yet ever since I discovered the ocean when I was young, I've always felt drawn to it. I'm a big believer in past lives and believe I may have been something ocean-related in one. But I've always felt connected to the water. Bodies of water, in general, but specifically the ocean.

1/? I've always dreamt of how the waves look, how it would be to swim past a kelp forest and coral reef into the vast empty expanse of blue water. To see a storm from underneath, the surface torn by winds and rain. And I've always felt drawn to merfolk. Growing up, there were many little plants around my yard. We had a honeysuckle bush on the fence, a bush in the yard that grew bundles of little purple and pink flowers, a peach tree, tulips in the backyard and tons and tons of fairy rings.

1/? I would water these plants and never, ever step in the fairy rings since I knew old tales of humans who would. After I left, everything, even the fairy rings, died. When I was 10 years old, I found a spell online that by now, everyone's knows of or heard of it, where you would wear a charm necklace for a week, say the spell in the bath under a full moon, and become a merperson when the week was up. I did it, having this really beautiful heart stone that shone different colors and since lost.

1/? But something.. weird happened. My last day of the spell was on a Friday. I remember that week (and the many before it) of dreaming, hoping, and wishing to be a merman. When I fell asleep that night, I awoke in water. A few feet off the shore, the water was clear as day. Big stone pillars covered in algae dotted the seafloor and I felt a pull to start swimming, to find something. Ahead of me I saw a flash of an orange/yellowish tail. It wasn't a dolphin or shark or anything like that.

1/? I swam after her. It felt like whoever or whatever this was had feminine energy. She turned left, right by a pillar, and I woke up. My heart was pounding and in one fluid motion, from the seconds between seeing her vanish and waking up, I ripped the necklace off. I calmed myself and went back to bed, then having a dream with hints of clouds and feathers. For years and years I've tried to figure out what this dream means, who that being was, and why I dreamt of air after that since I feel

1/? little to no connection to it. And then I grew much older, moved in with some witchy friends, and started my oceanic craft. Only.. I had a dream, a couple months ago (I can lucid dream somewhat and have always had very vivid ones). My friends and I were driving down a road I know in my town, but it was covered on either side by trees. A forest. We stopped the car by a rundown convenience store to get gas and snacks. It was the dead of night and when I looked up from the car, I saw a sky

1/? full of a thousand stars, a thousand galaxies. It was so vast and you could see every single one. I ripped my gaze away, instead going inside the store with my boyfriend and this girl with hair this shade of orange it looked almost red, piercing green eyes, and freckled white skin. I wasn't aware I hadn't seen her before in my life, and we entered. My boyfriend was asked to stay in the very small entrance, two people sat at a table in front of a door barring him from entry. They let the girl

1/? and I enter. We did and saw a rectangular table with many people sitting at it, all but one I didn't get good vibes about. The one who felt okay was at a corner seat, flashing my friend and I a kind look. I sat the table, which was filled with 3D shapes of all kinds, colorless, top and bottom. In front of me was a very large book, opened to a random page. They told us we had to solve some kind of puzzle and could use the book if needed. I kept looking at the shapes for meaning and before I

1/? knew it our time was up. Here I actively affected the dream by telling them, no, give us another chance. They reset the timer and we started. I flipped the pages to find a folded up piece of paper. I glanced at the woman at the corner seat and it was an old friend of mine. She smiled and winked at me. I looked at the book and looked back, but she was the woman from before. The page I'd flipped to had a picture of a lushous, green valley in it and a folk tale about a lava horse, similar to a

1/? kelpie but benevolent. The piece of paper had a spell written on it. But they were mad we got it and we had to escape. I wasn't worried about my boyfriend or friends, I knew they could get themselves out of trouble. I used the spell and the red-haired girl turned in the lava horse from the story. I hopped on her back and she created a portal to a valley similar to the one in the picture. When I woke in the valley, the girl (not in horse form) and I were in a car, driving in the lil valley

1/? town. One either side were strips of valley that went upward, leading to a dam that people walked on. The girl and I made our ascent and caught a group of people throwing airplanes off the bridge, but they flew so far and didn't really look like airplanes. They offered for us to throw some. I think the girl did. But I had turned to see past the dam. It was an expanse of forests and a field. It stretched on for miles. And I remember smelling the sea breeze and a splash of water before I woke

1/? And that was the dream. My roommate actually had a dream a while back with the same exact red-haired girl in it. We think she may be a Fae. I don't know what this dream means. My friends suggested it could be an introduction to elemental trials to where I have to get through them to go back to the place I dreamt of when I was 10 and that's what my ritual's for. All this month, I've been working with offerings and Caer Ibormeith, Dream Goddess, to try to go back to that spot. Not dream since

1/End I know I was younger and different. I wanted to know your thoughts and apologize for how long this got. I wanted to ensure you had plenty of context. I've also worked with certain sea energies/creatures before and though landlocked, I know my magick is powerful. I really need to get back there. To know what it all meant. And I wanted your thoughts and advice on the matter. Do you think it will be a series of trials? With Earth, Air, Fire and Water? The last dream felt like an introduction.

I also forgot to mention that since July 1, after soaking it in rainwater, I've been wearing a crystal necklace (nearly transparent, light purple/blue in color) and did a ritual bath for the Buck Moon to invoke a similar call to magick that I did at 10. Thank you for reading, sorry about all the tasks. 😳

I apologise if I miss something, so just send in another ask if I do.

First and foremost, I think you should look into starseeds. Mintakan, specifically. They are strongly drawn to water, dream of swimming, compassionate, etc etc. There’s a lot more too it but those are just some key points I noticed.

Also, your first dream kind of sounds like a memory. You should look into the meaning behind each detail and each dream. It will take a while but I think it will give you some answers. Make sure you figure out how the details are connected to each other too. (This may not apply across dreams).

I agree that the girl in your dream may be fae, too. Most have green eyes, and since yours is paired with pale skin, she’s probably a Seelie. Their hair is also indicative of their first element. Some think that the four elements are where faeries originate, which would explain why each faerie has its own element which it can control and create. Mermaid/merman faeries are also a thing and they have the ability to breathe underwater, giving them infinite air.

I believe that the mermaid in one dream and the orange haired girl in another are the same. And, assuming she is fae, she has used/incorporated all four elements in some way. (Walked by a forest, breathed under water, was an underwater creature, colour of her hair, etc).

I’m not too sure if this is a trial but you could ask your deity about it. You have a lot of signs pointing towards one as each element is a reoccurring theme in your dreams.

I also can’t help but feel the need to ask if you did ever step in a faerie circle, even accidentally. There feels like there’s something else you don’t know about the situation so that was my first thought.

One last thing. I’m not sure how you feel about this, nor how I do honestly, but it might be worth researching fae-people. As in humans that are faeries. I don’t know much about them but I know they can be either born or turned.

Don’t be shy if you want me to clarify or help with something!! Lmk if I missed something too

#magick #witchcraft #witchblr #divination #beginner witch #asks #fae #dream #faerie #elements #four elements

[john-langley-bristol-blogger]

Merry Hexmass, one and all. Saturday 25th December 2021. 5.00pm.

A huge thanks to readers and followers alike for being there, and reading this stuff. As per usual it's been a quiet Christmas day like others before. My Christmas present was a bill from my phone provider, which of course I was delighted with, and Christmas greetings from an assortment of retailers I've purchased goods from over the past twelve months with the added bonus of a sales offer if I order now. So, business as usual it is then.

I'm not complaining as I'm probably far too pagan in belief to embroil myself in the whole Christmas vibe of conditioned and accepted normality of it, given that it is only one day of 365 others when not in a leap year.

Neither am I someone who expects a lot out of life, I kind of roll with it on a day-to-day basis. Yes, of course like human beings do, I have to plan for certain things along the way, otherwise though I - to some extent at least, allow fate to provide opportunities for me because mostly I believe that we never get the things we ask for in life, we only ever get what's best for us at the time, and this is something I've always had good fortune within so many different areas of my life. Everything we do and everyone we meet provides us with a teaching/learning experience that enables our continued growth. Even the toughest lessons are those we should be wise enough to accept we are blessed with to work through.

I don't believe in the perceptions of 'right or 'wrong' because there are only learning opportunities and how we grow from them to be better, and hopefully, wiser beings which ultimately counts. For we ultimately answer to no higher power other than that of our own higher consciousness of inner spirituality, because fundamentally we are first and foremost all just spiritual beings trying to be human while inhabiting these genetic spacesuits we wear for the duration of our individual lives on this Earthly plane.

Within the past twenty-four hours, I've been privileged to have engaged with two amazing beings, who in their own very unique ways have taken me aback. The first came about yesterday when someone who reads my blog posts somehow fell into my life on another site quite randomly, and it wasn't until we got speaking that it came to light she was a reader, perhaps even a follower. I have a feeling she will be reading this at some point so I won't enter into the realms of sounding fawningly sycophantic. However, I will say that she was and is the most beautiful breath of fresh air to appear out of seemingly nowhere as if fate had dealt its hand and it was meant to be.

All I can really say is that she has an unmistakeable 'soul.' During our conversation, I felt a depth to her, a genuine realism, and a heartwarming humility and honesty from which to me she shone like a beacon. It's a very rare occasion indeed which touches me in such a way and with a connection that comes on in my head like a lightbulb. I can say no more other than our time together online I found to be as interesting as it was inspiring, thrilling even, and with hand on heart I honestly cannot recall such an interesting time with someone since my previous partner, the psychology student who I wrote my book 'The Awakening' about that's published on Amazon/Kindle, and my anonymous reader here on 'Death's Door Diaries' I find to be equally and potentially, as interesting and inspiring.

Fast forward to today, and anyone who is by now familiar with me will know that every day I go out for fresh air, grab a hot chocolate- or three, and people watch, as this provides me with a time of reflection and thought, creative time which inspires more generally what the subject of the days' blog post will be. Hail, rain, sleet, snow, storm, and sun, it doesn't matter what the weather throws at me it's important to take my daily trip out through spring, summer, autumn and winter.

Today was gifted to me because the owner of the cafe left his home and came into town to unlock his business to make me a hot chocolate, so I wouldn't miss out - even on Christmas Day. He made it, gave it to me with love and kindness, and then locked up again and went home.

I'm still speechless, and so on this happy note and with nothing else to say except 'what a human' I will sign off until I have the words to say again, other than I am blessed, and thank you both.

#john langley #bristol #john langley author #john langley blog #john langley bristol writer #john langley tumblr #deaths door diaries bristol #death's door diaries #christmas 2021 #christmas #xmas #random acts

[kazlifeadventures]

Sirmione, Lake Garda, Verona, and a host of little villages...

Oh Ciao Italy, question, just how much Prosecco, Pizza, and Pasta can one consume in the space of 5 days????😆

I've been back on the gorgeous lakes area for the past 5 nights catching up with some fab friends I met on the Ukraine, Moldova, Romania tour that I did oh so long ago now! Hilarious airport greeting when they picked me up in Verona, I'm sure everyone who could read English got the joke! What fun we've had! These two have bèen travelling a week around in various places throughout France and Italy since we met on the tour, and it was fantastic luck that our schedules lined up enough to construct a meeting. I also got to not only see lake Garda in summer (last time I saw it, it was in October last year, very windy and a bit rainy...) I also got to travel around to the local townships and villages joining Rob and Lynne on their adventure. No planning required on my part, just get in the car and be ready to see some cute little old towns, eat some amazing food, and drink (Just a little) Prosecco...😉. We were staying in an Airbnb that Rob and Lynne had booked and they were luckily (for me) able to add Rob's 'sister' to the booking 😁.

Lake Garda, in northern Italy, is the largest lake in Italy 51.6km long 16.7km wide (widest point), and known for its crystal clear water, is a major holiday destination. Sirmione is located on an isthmus at the base of Lake Garda (depending which way you look at it on a map). Sirmione is dominated by the Rocca Scaligera, a magnificent ye olde (built in 13th Century) fortress with harbor views and some astoundingly private 5 star hotels. There are various 'beaches' providing lake access (across rocks) dotted around the area of the fortress and Sirmione itself. I had visited the fortress area back in October, but still enjoyed seeing it all in summer, teeming with people, boats, etc.

Apart from exploring the local area, we headed to nearby Verona for a day which was also amazing to see again in sunshine and during peak season. I did my best to introduce them to the Hugo (cocktail) as well as the amazing chocolate coated strawbeŕry cups from the shop near Juliets statue (and 14th century residence replete with tiny balcony). We had a walk around the beautiful old medieval area, the 1st century roman arena was being bumped in for an upcoming opera performance so had the set for Aida spread across it's forecourt and entrances (very different to my last visit - I can imagine what a fabulous venue for performances!). We then took in the puntos (bridges), and the general vibe of a city that still gives me all the feels even on a second visit. Its great to see that Verona has limited vehicle access within it's old town area, imposing fines on vehicles that enter without a permit. It has reduced the number of cars impacting it's beautiful old city centre.

There was a day spent on the Northern reaches of the lake. Gorgeous little waterside towns like Brenzone sul Garda, Malsecine, Torbole and Navene, and on the way back to Sirmione a cheeky wine tasting in Fumane.

Another day was spent exploring towns like Bardolino, Lazise. At the end of each day was a swim in the pool at the complex with some of our neighbours. (*not alot of interaction there apart from the first day when a couple of us got in trouble for not showering first..)

On the way to the airport today (3rd August), we stopped off in Bergamo. What a little gem of a city. With the Venetian walls of its older upper district characterised by its gorgeous little cobblestone streets just casually housing some amazing buildings including the 13th and 14th Century Duomo di Bergamo, (the city cathedral), the Romanesque Basilica di Santa Maria Maggiore (oh my gosh yes it's another church but it was beautiful!) and the very grand Cappella Colleoni chapel (no photos allowed in that one!) Outside the buildings were a group of buskers. Not your ordinary buskers though, a trio of strings, playing some music that created an even more stately ambience.

I then got to sit at the airport for hours and hours (I was A bit early!) to then be told my flight to Krakow had been cancelled and I was either to wait until the 6th Aug for the next flight, or organise my own and then make a claim to the airline. The airline did at least bus us all to a nearby hotel for accomodation and ensure we had dinner (very euro 10pm!), as well as transport back to the airport this morning for those of us using another airline. Its all part of travel, and something that I've dealt with before. You learn new things every time though! It also meant I met a fellow Aussie and ended up having dinner with him, sharing stories and getting some great tips on online businesses from him - there is always a silver lining!

More photos to come! Off to Krakow today (fingers crossed anyway....😂)