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bonny-kookoo · 1 year

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Jungkook: Velvet Heart 🔞

There's something wrong with Jungkook.

Tags/Warnings: Yandere AU, Idol!Jungkook, captivity, emotional manipulation, violence (not against mc), injury, medication and abuse of such, obsession, OCD, blackmail, very shady ways of the company in regards to JKs issues, fluff but its.. You'll see, NSFW mentioned but not descriptive

Length: Short

!! Disclaimer: I do not believe Jeon Jungkook to be like this, God no. This is pure fiction, and meant to be seen as nothing but entertainment. Thank you.

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

Jungkook has always been an odd kid.

But nowadays, there's no denial that there's something terribly wrong with the now young adult. He's social when needed, a perfect actor in front of the media, shows himself as both sexy and cute to please a broad variety of fans. But he's not quite right in his head, and everybody knows.

Onve you know what he's capable of, what he's already done, that smile of his looses its innocence. Those eyes of his change in their sparkle. His grin is no longer cute- it's dangerous. Menacing. Like a wolf snarling in your face.

It's not a smile of happiness. It's more like a warning.

No one's ever allowed in his hotel room - not even room service. He himself actually has a habit of bringing along his own bedsheets, so you'll never leave a trace of yourself anywhere, but at his own home, he shares with you. If he has to bring you along to schedules, no one's allowed to look at you, speak to you, nothing. You're basically to be treated as invisible. Only he can ever interact with you.

And you? Well.. you don't have many memories apart from him.

Found by him at the side of a lake, washed up from your own failed act of jumping out of life, you'd suffered harsh injuries to your brain, leaving you with not only amnesia, but other problems as well. When he'd taken you home, late at night, you couldn't even talk, didn't know how to hold cutlery. He'd instantly done his own research, had looked up ways and therapies he could manage by himself- and so, he somehow helped you learn to exist again.

Maybe that's why you're so attached to him. Horribly so.

You still have a hard time speaking most of the time, but he understands you just fine. Or maybe he doesn't care. You don't mind.

You remember however, when you'd learned the word 'hate'.

You'd spoken it to him one day, randomly to ask what it meant, and he'd suddenly developed an entire mental breakdown. Hands on your shoulders slightly shaking you on the couch, eyes wide open and filled with terror. "No." He said, chanted almost. "No, no, no, no, no!" He shook you, back and forth. "Dont say that, don't ever say that to me! Ever!" He barked before he stilled. "I know you hate me. Everybody does. It's because I'm me, isn't it?" He'd laughed, shaking hands holding your cheeks, before they held your neck. "You do, don't you? You hate me?" He smiled, but you shook your head. He copied the action, amused, emotions all over the place. "No?" He chuckled. "You're such a liar, princess." He laughed, thumb running over the front of your esophagus, before his hands traveled again, forcing your face to look at him. "Thats fine. I still love you." He mumbled. "I'll always love you." He grinned, before kissing you softly.

Sometimes he's like that.

Jungkook doesn't trust anybody, not even himself. He's terrified of loosing you, has invested in a simple portable camera to set up in the hotel room wherever you might stay, so he can watch you like now, as he's getting his makeup done. Everyone, including the other members of the band, know this isn't good. This isn't healthy. But he's a major part of the success they all have.

If he's exposed as a high-functioning sociopath who's keeping someone hostage out of twisted love, everything would crumble to ashes.

So reporters are paid off if they ever find hints. Lawyers are always on call if things go south, or if Jungkook breaks another staff's jaw for accidentally mentioning you. Psychologists are there if one of the members has to watch the youngest pull someone's teeth out from their throat again after snapping out of control because the guy had been smiling at you.

Jungkook had even expected a thanks for it. He'd saved the guy's life, after all.

It's not healthy. Not at all.

But money rules the world- and Jungkook makes them all a lot of it.

Without him, the house of cards will fall and burn.

♥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

On the twelfth of January, he always celebrates with you.

You don't know why, and you also dont know what. You're sure you know it's not your birthday, and neither is it his, but then again, you don't really care either way. You live from one day to the next, and you exist because Jungkook wants you to. So you're happy when he's happy.

"Do you like it?" He smiles, holding out another spoonful of cake to you. You happily accept it while your legs swing back and forth from the height of his lap. He likes feeding you. It reminds him of the earlier times, when he'd just found you. Sometimes, when he's feeling gloomy, he'll Revive those old habits. He'll help you eat, help you clean your face or brush your teeth.

He loves reminding himself that without him, you'd be read. Rotting next to the waters, eaten by bugs and torn apart by animals.

Instead, you live a lavish life under his watch, enjoying what the world has to offer every day. He's trained you like a dog, after all these years. He can trust you. You won't ever run away.

You're way too scared without him, after all. As you should be.

You fall asleep in his arms a bit later on the hotel bed, filled with sweets and his love, while he scrolls for some stuff on his phone. He smiles when he looks at a photograph from the news on the TV he took on his way home one day.

[Missing girl officially declared dead after only one year and two months, police reports. Parents: "we want to move on." All investigations closed as of yesterday, as the case comes to its end.]

Recorded on the 12th of January, three years ago.

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It's quiet around him, these days.

With the lawsuits wrapping up behind closed doors and far away from the public eye, fans worry about the maknae due to his silence. Meanwhile, he himself couldn't be happier, having spent the third day in a row waking up late during the day next to you, sleepy as ever, still resting. You sleep a lot. Always have.

Sometimes more, when he wants you to. Then you'll get some help slumbering off from him. He knows how to measure the dosage. He's done it a thousand times.

In his dreams, you sometimes scream. He doesn't know why, takes it as a warning to hold you even closer, and when he dreams such things, he will be restless. He will sleep with his length inside your warmth, as far as it goes, so he can stay as close as humanly possible with you. He doesn't mind the mess you both make.

It's proof of your love.

Sometimes he wants to take you outside. Go to dinner, walk alongside Han River, but then he realizes that you might remember what had happened that Night. You might loose all dependency on him, all love for him, all memories- and it makes him angry at himself, makes him pull his own hair in frustration necause he can never let that happen.

Everybody knows he's hanging on by a thread.

And if you ever step out of line, if you ever leave-

That fragile little chain keeping him grounded will snap, freeing the beast.

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Will you ever be free? Do you want to be?

If freedom is away from Jungkook, will it ever be enjoyable?

You don't have to think about that. Not when his hands hold your wrists down into the mattress so hard they will surely bruise. Not when he almost growls like a predator at every thrust he pushes into you. Not whe he kisses you like he doesn't care about breathing.

Not when he's got you all chained up to his side, like a dog, loved and loyal.

You exist for him.

You're alive because he wants you to be.

You've survived because he loves you more than anyone else ever could.

You're his.

And don't you ever forget it.

♥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #jungkook imagine #bts yandere #yandere bts #yandere jungkook

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tenpintsof-sundrop · 23 hours

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if you have any, would you be willing to share writing tips? I feel like you’re the best person to ask, not just because I love your work, but also because of how well composed your explanations are and the detail you put into them and your dedication to whatever topic it is that you’re talking about which is all reflected in your fics

maybe I just lack the motivation? i really do enjoy writing though, so when I get stumped it upsets me 😕

my head is overflowing with ideas, but I can’t get more than 1k words in before my brain just shuts off, even if it’s a fic I’m very excited about. even what I do get down isn’t always the best, it’s mediocre at best.

i understand the concept of trying and failing, that you won’t start out as a pro, and so i continue to try and make the effort, but lately i feel like I’ve just been failing lmao

just looking for some genuine advice, and no pressure to answer 😭💕 thank youu x

I do have lots of writing advice. In the future, if you struggle specifically with dialogue or narration or themes or plotting, we can talk about those, but this is my most general advice for the things you have spoken about there.

First of all - this is the thing I tell everybody and it is a pit of a harsh pull to swallow: it takes time. It takes time to develop skill, it takes time to fully love your fics and be fully confident in your skills and what you have written. It takes time to get to a point where you can get an idea in your head and execute it on paper well. Writing is one of those things where if you don't practice it insistently, you don't become better at it.

I have been doing some form of creative writing as a hobby daily for the past fifteen years - literally fifteen years. And I have been writing at least two thousand words a day (aside from days when I am very sick, which is maybe like 2 or 3 days a month) - for the past five or six years. So I have been practising my writing a lot. And it's only within the last two years solidly that I would say I am very consistently confident in my writing and the skills I have built up. But even now, I still sometimes stumble and I write some things that I am unsure about at times.

However, while you are practising and developing your skills, I always recommend faking that confidence to a certain extent - tell yourself that your writing is good even if you think it's not. And appreciate what you have done. Writing something at all is impressive. Appreciate how far you have come. Even if you don't finish a piece of writing, it is still worth appreciating.

Getting stressed out and telling yourself that your writing is bad is not productive. Saying that your writing doesn't live up to what you want it to be will chip away at your motivation. You need to reduce that stress and bring more positive emotions to the writing experience - that is an important first step. (And there is a difference between allowing yourself room for improvement and just straight up shitting on yourself and telling yourself that your writing is bad.)

That being said, here are some major points that might help you out:

Helping With Motivation

Though this is not as much of a problem for me today (sometimes I struggle with forcing myself to finish longer fics, and this is where these tips come in) - I have picked up a lot of tips over the years to help kick motivation back in if you fizzle out partway through a fic.

Go back to the source material. This is a huge one for me. Especially with fanfiction. Put the fan back in fanfiction. You have to remember what inspired you to write that fic in the first place. Whether it's your personal affection and love for a character as a love interest or the spark of a ship between two characters - let it re-inspire you by going back to the material at hand.

Watch edits of the character to get bite-sized pieces of them to focus your mind, or go back and rewatch the show again. Watch a compilation of that character's greatest moments, or even listen to songs that you personally associate with them and take some time to imagine music videos with them in your mind. But take some time to get re-inspired and pump-up your motivation.

Often, when I am writing fics, my computer is in a splitscreen of the fic I am writing and then a youtube video showing edits of that character, so I am getting inspiration as I write. It's a very important technique of mine.

You said that you struggle to write anything that is over 1k, so - how about writing intentionally shorter fics?

This is something I have only been doing in the past two years or so, and I find it so fucking freeing! There was a point when I became known for writing fics that were 10k or longer because I got really excited about the source material and I really wanted to write long fics due to enthusiasm, but then I felt like - if I didn't write oneshots that were 10k, 15k, 20k, 25k - I would be disappointing everyone. I felt like I was trapped in such a box.

And I know that fandom seems to have so many unspoken rules - but short fics can do so well. For a long time last year and at the beginning of this year, my most popular fic on Tumblr was 800 words long. You can do a lot in fics with a little. So you should definitely experiment with writing intentionally shorter fics.

This really helps with motivation, because (in my personal experience) when writing a fic that is only supposed to be 1k or 2k, when you have written 1k and you end up writing 2.5k, you feel so accomplished. And it helps you to write more when your brain feels like the finish line is closer. And often, you get more done in the long run, because you may end up writing 10 different fics that are 1k each and end up writing 10k overall - which means you have written 10k words that you can gain experience from, and that you and others can gain fanfiction enjoyment from.

But if you want to write longer fics (or if your ideas can't be contained in shorter fics, which I know is the case a lot of times with me) - then: give yourself homework. I know it sounds weird, but it is a technique that I use a lot.

I know there's a lot of other stuff going on in life and likely a lot of other stuff that you need to get done, but seriously - start assigning yourself a specific amount of work that you need to get done on your wips, and that is how they get done.

And yes, there is something to be said for having fun (because fanfiction is a hobby and it should be fun) vs the soulsucking lack of motivation and writing just to do it - but I find that every single wip I have ever written ever, always has the "oh my god I just want this done" stage, where it feels like horrible work and I resent the story so fucking much and I just want it over, and I have to force myself to finish it.

Sometimes that comes in the last few paragraphs, sometimes it comes halfway through - and depending on how far along I am in the story is when I decide if I should cut my losses and move on to another story to just have fun instead of going through the soulsucking dread to get it finished. Because after the soulsucking, comes the 'omg I am so proud of this, I got it done' part. Sometimes, you just have to force yourself to finish something in order to get it done. It's that whole 'genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration' thing.

Anyway - if you are going to assign yourself homework, be realistic. If a fic is going to be 10k in total, tell yourself that you should write 2k per day. That's a nice, realistic number - or even start off saying that you want to write 500 words a day if that's more realistic for you. I always tell myself that whole thing: 'how do you eat an elephant? one bite at a time.' - because bigger fics get done by writing them one small bit at a time.

Hopefully this helps???

#anonymous #sundrop answers #writing advice #writing #fanfiction

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admirableadmiranda · 1 year

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I can't believe I just saw a whole ass argument about how WWX and LWJ are unhealthy. I'm sure they'll bicker or argue because who doesn't in any relationship? They both went through so much and developed a lot during their first life. I feel like people miss the mark with LWJ and his development - they'll only focus on how he did too little and not enough, they'll focus on his "jealousy" and "control". Both are conscious of their wounds and how they manifest (they're both self-aware!!!) but they are able to communicate, hold space, be vulnerable and give each other time + space. They love each other through every moment. hey hold space for each other, communicate and love each other through that. We might hurt or anger those we love but WWX or LWJ never expect perfection from each other. No matter how much you love and care for somebody, there will always be things you disagree on and issues you have to work through. Even if you don't mean to, you may accidentally hurt each other.

Maybe it's because of the perspective but MXTX shows us that LWJ and WWX aren't ideals because of the lack of mistakes but rather how they are willing to do the right thing + learn and grow from their mistakes. I feel like people see LWJ as someone who's too "clean", and is willing to stand by WWX and every action at the expense of his morals/values but isn't that wrong? The other brain rot take is that they lose their relationships once they fall in love, but they don't. They have other relationships outside of their marriage that are meaningful to them too. I don't believe either character expects the other to agree with everything they say instead choosing to listen. They're both whole and separate from each other?

Sorry for the long rant, Sangsang T.T

That’s okay. Those rakes are very frustrating and somehow usually seem to come from people who wouldn’t know a healthy relationship if it sat on them.

Disagreements happen (though I think Wangxian are beyond arguments just because they’ve kind of lived through way too much to really get caught up in emotions in the same way and would rather process things in calm conversations), jealousy is not actually inherently unhealthy and the thought police acting as though the emotion itself is harmful rather than how you react to it really annoy me and everything else you say is spot on.

A lot of times in MDZS, you just gotta learn to block the bad takes. There’s a large number of people here who are happy to declare their interpretations correct when literally they’ve never engaged with any of the source materials as a whole work, often just cherry-picking or even just trusting other people’s words completely instead of looking at what the text or the shows show us. It’s really the only way to not burn out on MDZS quickly, find your people and apply liberal use of the block button.

#mdzs #wangxian #asks #anon #anon asks

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2500dollarmagikarp · 1 year

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I looooove your elgyem! I want to adopt a psychic type some day, are there any difficulties with the lil guy/girl?

Well the kinds of difficulty you might face depend on what species and the age. Geiger is pretty young, and a lot of young psychic types are prone to practicing their telekinesis by lifting things up and then dropping them with their power. Not an issue for some items, but when its something glass... more of a problem. They like variety in the kind of objects they practice on, so I've encouraged Geiger to practice with plushes, metal spoons, plastic items, things that are less breakable but still varied.

Bare in mind that anything given to a psychic type to perform telekinesis on is at risk at being broken even if not just from being dropped, so make sure its nothing you're attached too- Geiger ripped one of the plushes I gave him to practice on in half, for example (not one I was attached too, I already was aware of the risk).

Now the likelihood of a psychic type breaking things with their telekinesis goes down the older they get, but in general they need things to stimulate their brain. My hypno, Stupor, likes rubiks cubes, solitaire and similar games, and occasionally plays checkers with me. I'm working on teaching Geiger tic tac toe, which has also been a practice in him using his telekinesis with more precision so as to write a symbol. Stu was older than Geiger is even when I first got him, and Drowzee and Hypno are more capable of using their hands for tasks than Elgyem and Beheeyem, so he utilized telekinesis less from the beginning.

The type of things to give a psychic type depend on the individual and species. Despite what one may think, even the slowpoke line do enjoy mental stimulation like other psychic types do, they're just slow to engage. I haven't had one of my own, but as far as I remember reading, they tend to like 'spot the difference' type games. The abra line tend to like puzzles and chess, things that some other psychic types don't like as much due to some having difficulty maneuvering the small pieces. Less of a mental stimulation and more of a showing of their psychic power, but the gothita line like 'guessing games'; "two boxes one has something one doesnt, which one has the thing?" type of deal. Spoink and Grumpig like shape puzzles.

And while I talk mostly of telekinesis here as most psychic types have it, its not the primary ability to keep in mind for many of them. Drowzee and Hypno might practice their hypnosis on other pokemon on your team, or even you, and might need to be taught when it is or isn't okay to do so (lest you miss work or school or something because your pokemon made you fall asleep), the ralts and hatenna line are mind readers and can detect emotion and will become easily overwhelmed in crowded places or minorly stressful situations; ralts become better at controlling their abilities and tuning out emotions and thoughts they don't want to be reading, but hatenna doesn't develop nearly as much control over their abilities, just control in how they react, but will still end up lashing out if put in those situations too often without a break to calm down.

Sorry this is kind of rambley and not well organized haha. if there's a specific psychic type you're considering, or a couple specific ones, I could maybe give you a better gist of the basics tho remember, you should look into the details of a pokemon's needs yourself before getting one! I can retell what I've learned working at the Pokemon center and just generally read about, but the only Pokemon I've ever owned are the ones I have right now, so I'm not a perfect beacon of knowledge on the care of every Pokemon and how it is to raise one.

#funfacts with doll #headcanon #drowzee #hypno pkmn #elgyem #geiger elgyem #stupor hypno

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liibrii · 3 years

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fem!Miya!reader x Suna Rintarou || mostly platonic || part of the Third Miya series

Synopsis: A glimpse into your friendship with Suna during your 1st year at Inarizaki High school.

Warnings: barely proofread, general stupidity, there's a serial killer joke, reader is a lil shit

wc: 1.6k

a/n: naming chapters is hard 😭 as always feedback is greatly appreciated and if you wanna be tagged in future chapters let me know!

Friendship with Suna is one of those where you can't quite remember how or when it started. One week he was just that lanky guy sitting at a desk to the right of you, the next week you walked home together and you told him your brothers' embarrassing childhood stories in exchange for chemistry homework. In a way it's an echo of all your childhood friendships forged on the beach with other kids you only knew for a week but during that week you'd take over the world for them if they asked. But the one week friendship with Suna became two weeks, three weeks, and after the fourth you stopped counting.

Suna Rintarou is a funny guy. Not funny as in telling jokes or spouting quips and smirks. He's funny in a way that even now you can't really tell who he is. He's quiet. But not shy in the slightest. He moved over from Aichi and you cringe at the memory of saying: “Oh so that's why ya talk funny. I thought yer just pretentious,“ when he told you. Your ears catch on fire by just thinking about it. So embarrassing. But he must have pretty low standards for his friends because at the time he didn't really seem bothered by your slip of the tongue. The next day he offered you a chuupet and that was enough to buy your undying loyalty.

Suna's a funny guy. You don't know how he became your friend, you don't know what he sees in you that makes him put up with you. But you're glad to have an inside man on the volleyball team.

Years of living together with the same person makes one develop the ability of sniffing out trouble before they even start to happen. In this case it's four empty pudding packages in the trash bin that make you decide to nope right out of there before Tsumu tries to blame you for their mysterious disappearance. Again.

You put on music and walk aimlessly through the streets, one of those walks where it doesn't matter if you get lost because you have no clue where you're headed anyway. Everyone needs a stroll like that from time to time. Often they lead to situations that would otherwise probably never happen. Like running into a serial killer, but luck is on your side today so the only person you run into is a familiar lanky figure stretching by the side of the road. “Sunarin! Didn't expect to meet ya here!“

He looks up and his blushed sweaty face wears the same expression as ever. In the last months you've learned Suna has two expressions, the deadpan one, and the deadpan one with furrowed brows. “O, Miya. Well, I live nearby.“ Oh right, you did pass the bus station where he exits just a song ago. “Taking a stroll, are you?“

“Samu and Tsumu are having a screamin' match right now so I decided to get myself out of there before they'd drag me into it.“

“Tragic. Where are you headed?“

Your destination is 'who cares' so you join Suna on a walk. It's good he already ran his evening route because you're not in the mood to reenact a wanna be healthy person's only free time activity.

Just a short walk between the apartment buildings by the side of the road you reach a path of cobble stones that leads further between trees.

“What? You didn't know there's a park here?“ Suna smirks and you're surprised his face muscles are even capable of stretching so far.

You shake your head, slightly embarrassed. “No, I really didn't. To be fair this neighbourhood used to be ruled by another clan so we never played around here,“ you quickly add as if children clan wars from years ago are a better excuse than simply being unfamiliar with this part of the town.

Suna doesn't comment but the corners of his mouth keep tugging up even after you walk through the park. Or maybe that's because you tripped over nothing while watching a cat cross your path.

“We have a cat back home,“ he tells you and shows you the picture of his little sister with a big fluffy orange cat on her lap.

“So cute,“ you coo, “looks just like ya.“

“Oh yeah, lots of people say she looks just like me. I think I'm more handsome though.“

“No, I meant the cat.“

This time you're the one prepared to jump away form a well aimed kick but Suna only gives you a disappointed glare. “I thought you were the nice Miya.“

You sympathetically pat his shoulder. “Sorry. My sincere condolences. Shall I send some flowers for the funeral of yer last brain cell? Samu always wanted a cat but dad wouldn't let him.“

“Really? Why not?“

“Oh he made the mistake of asking just after the mango incident.“

“The-“

“Only Miyas are allowed to know about it,“ you say, snickering at Suna's furrowed brows. You know curiosity is going to eat at him for weeks to come. Maybe you should come up with a cover story, just in case. “Do ya miss yer friends? Ones from Aichi I mean?“

Suna thinks for a moment, maybe still trying to figure out what a mango incident could possibly be. “Sometimes,“ he says after a while and a poke to his side, “but I met a lot of new people at the dorms. Inarizaki isn't that bad either. There's you and Ginjima, and your brothers sometimes, and ehm,“ he mumbles as he tries to remember whom else he could call a friend.

“If Tsumu or Samu bring this topic up just let them know ya were my friend first,“ you pout. That's the problem with having had siblings in the same class for the entire grade and middle school; all your friends were also their friends. “It can't be easy,“ you say, half trying to make him feel better, and half just changing the topic that's starting to turn his ears red, “movin' over here I mean. Ya really left all ya knew behind for volleyball. That's pretty admirable. Ya just might be as crazy as Samu and Tsumu.“

“Please don't compare me to your brothers,“ says Suna.

“That bad, eh? So what's it like? Livin' in a dorm?“

“Oh. Well. We're four in a room-“

“Yikes. And I thought havin' two other people in your room is a lot.“

Suna laughs. Oh, so he can do that. It suits him, you decide after a moment. “Now take into account that two of those keep leaving dirty socks around.“

“Oh I know what that's like,“ you nod, all too familiar with dirty socks under table, under bed and other parts of bed you'd rather not think about.

“I doubt you'd get in trouble for punching them though.“

“Oh I would.“ You look him over. “Ya don't really look like a punchin' type to me. More a very petty guy. Soy sauce in mornin' tea kind of guy.“

“You're giving me ideas.“

“Thanks, that will be one kit-kat. Or none if ya put some in Samu's water bottle.“

“All in all dorm isn't that bad,“ Suna tells you once you both stop laughing over the prospect of putting soy sauce into Osamu's drink. “Wish I could sleep a bit longer in the morning but what can you do? And I miss mom's cooking. We cook ourselves and the food is good. Usually. It's just not the same, you know? Want a chuupet?“

“Ya brought a chuupet to an evenin' run?“

You still gladly take the fruit stick. It's a rare occasion in which it isn't in danger of being snatched away by one of your co-spawns. You don't comment but the next day a neatly wrapped bento box waits on Suna's table.

Suna doesn't quite remember when you became friends. One day you were a girl from his class that looked suspiciously similar to those loud Twins on the volleyball team (the moment he realised your last name is in fact Miya too he felt incredibly stupid for not noticing sooner), the next day you're hanging with him during breaks and sending him messages along the lines of 'I'll buy you as many chuupets as ya want if ya tell me what happened at practice yesterday, I need to let Tsumu know who's the boss' that usually arrive in the middle of the night. Even if they wake him up your name popping on his screen still makes him smile.

Really it takes impossibly long for Suna to realise he doesn't enjoy being in your presence only because being friends with you is as easy as getting the ball around a block or because you're the one Miya to voluntarily share your food with him.

The moment the cogs finally fell in their place and began to spin, making the little 'there might be something more' thought appear is one he'll remember for the rest of his life, and will quite probably haunt his nightmares too.

That's the thing about emotions (truly the revelations of that day are almost too much for his volleyball focused teenage brain), they take over neurones in charge of sending information around the brain, bribing the ones running toward mouth to run faster than the ones heading towards the comprehension centre, and then you find yourself in awkward situations such as saying your name out loud in the packed locker room followed by: “She's really funny and amazing. I like her a lot.“

But the situation being awkward is the least of Suna's problems as two pairs of almost identical brown eyes stare him down.

Oh, shit.

tag list: @espressons @trashy-simp @nachotrash @megumiisee @foxxtrot-116 @e-wwis

#suna rinataro x reader #suna x reader #suna x y/n #suna rintarou #hqcorenet #hq #haikyuu fanfic #inarizaki x reader #inarizaki x y/n #third miya #libri scribbles

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pipipinyyy · 3 years

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Explaining why I have added every song in my entire and very long Niragi playlist because I can and because over analyzing him is my passion (I usually update it from time to time but I'll do it with the current songs)

Completely self indulgent post, but I decided to share to feed my fellow Niragi stans (*˙︶˙*)☆*°

This is entirely based on my view of the songs and how I interpret them while thinking about Niragi. I'm aware that most of them have entirely different meanings, this is just for fun :) (Also sorry if my explanations don't make much sense, English is not my first language and I might make mistakes when trying to put my feelings and thoughts into words)

This may contain manga/s2 spoilers

Hayloft-Mother Mother: Vibes

Criminal-Britney Spears: The whole song describes him ("he is a sucker with a gun") and the fandom's obsession ("mama I'm in love with a criminal")

Daddy Issues-The Neighborhood: I feel like he would act like this, using the most vulnerable spots to pick on someone ("cry little girl, nobody does it like you do")

Psycho-Jin Dogg, OVER KILL: Vibes

Riot-Hollywood Undead: He'd definitely start a riot like he did in the 10 of hearts, burning and destroying anything that crosses his path

Bitches-Mindless Self Indulgence: He most likely thinks he's a total fuckboy and popular with girls since he can get almost anything he wants out of scarying people

Baby's on Fire-Die Antwoord: Vibes

Insane in the Brain-Cypress Hill: This man is being consumed by his own way of protecting himself

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing-Set It Off: Based on how he feels towards the people who hurt him in the past ("Listen, mark my words, one day, you will pay" "You've always been a huge piece of shit, if I could kill you, I would" "Karma is gonna come collect your debt")

Death no more-IC3PEAK: Vibes

Gasoline-I Prevail: Sort of similar to Riot, ("So burn it all down, burn it all down, I don't give a fuck")

Toxic-Britney Spears: The whole fandom knows how much of a piece of shit this dude can be, but we still find ourselves liking/enjoying his character (to an extent), a toxic addiction

Nice Guy-GRLwood: As much as I love this man, he'd use the "I'm a nice guy c'mon" card just to fuck. If he wants to, he'll get it, if he doesn't, he'll most likely get mad

Dernière danse-Indila: Vibes

TRRST-IC3PEAK: Mostly vibes, I kinda see this song as how he felt the first time he killed someone on purpose inside the borderlands ("mama they say I'm a terrorist, I did nothing wrong but I got on the blacklist")

Saint Bernard-Lincoln: Vibes

Nowhere To Run-Stegosaurus Rex: Being with him at the Beach would either be ignoring each other completely or a game of tag, no inbetween. If this man wants to kill you, he'll get his fun time out of it as well ("You're gonna die, I'm gonna kill you")

The House of Wolves-Bring Me The Horizon: Based on how he sees life after being consumed by his current mental state ("Show me a sign, show me a reason to give a solitary fuck about your god damn beliefs" "What you call faith, I call a sorry excuse")

Smells Blood-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

SIU-Maretu: Similar to Daddy Issues, don't expect this man to be a therapist. If he sees anyone crying or panicking in or outside a game, he'd most likely tell them to suck it up, just like this song.

Judgement-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

MONSTER ENERGY GUN!-KevinKempt: Vibes + He for sure has an energy drink addiction, specially pre-borderlands

HURT-1 800 PAIN: Vibes

Fear Is The Mind Killer-Zheani: Vibes

I Bet on Losing Dogs: Based on how I know Niragi is toxic, and most likely unsaveable of his deteriorating mental state, but I still have him as my biggest comfort character ("I bet on losing dogs, I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place")

Emo Boy-Ayesha Erotica: He's been in an emo phase (and maybe still is), the lyrics are pretty self explanatory, they describe us Niragi simps perfecrly ("come on fuck me emo boy")

Crybaby-Destroy Boys: Vibes

The Fox's Wedding-MASA Works DESIGEN: Vibes

You're a useless child-Kikuo: We don't know much about his past, but judging by the unstoppable bullying he's suffered, his parents didn't care about him, or were straight up absent. He's been insulted by pretty much everyone in his past to the point of believing it and telling those things to himself ("You're a useless child, the most useless child in this world" "Drool in snot, dandruff, shit and piss" "I'm a useless child" "Nobody will save me" "I'm a lonely kid")

Take A Slice-Glass Animals: Vibes

Fighting With The Melody-Jimmy Urine: Vibes

Comics-Caravan Palace: Vibes

Rhinestone Eyes-Gorillaz: Vibes

Butch 4 Butch-Rio Romero: Mostly vibes, sort of how I think the most "peacefull" moments in a relationship with him would feel like, kind of bittersweet feeling

Suki Suki Daisuki-Jun Togawa: Yandere Niragi. If he's interested in someone, he'd go through an obsessive phase, most likely forcing the other person to "love" him. This man is so confused about the feeling of love that he's unable to tell when he loves someone or when he's obsessed with them due to his lack of attention ("Like you, like you, I love you. Say you love me or I'll kill you")

:(-The Garden: Vibes

Kitty City-Cyriak Harris: Vibes

Blood-My Chemical Romance: If Niragi went to a therapist, he'd act like this song, with his signature cocky and sarcastic personality (at least before he gets better) ("I can't control myself because I don't know how" "They can fix me proper with a bit of luck" "I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love")

A Mask of My Own Face-Lemon Demon: He feels like he needs to protect himself or else he will get hurt inside the borderlands by others again. He uses another personality, a completely ruthless one, even if he doesn't like it and hates himself for it, he doesn't see another way to deal with his fear, allowing his "new self" to consume himself. ("I'd wear that mask of my own face" "I look into my eyeholes and what do I see? A handsome motherfucker motherfucking looking back at me")

I'm a Murderer-Freddie Dredd: Mostly vibes ("I'm a motherfucking murderer")

'Cause I'm a Liar-Mcki Robyns-P: He would lie just for fun even in serious situations. If he needs to manipulate someone to survive, he'll do it his way, after all, he doesn't care anymore, he just seeks for excitement. ("Without emotion, without devotion. It's much easier to fake something happy")

I Disagree-Poppy: I don't know exactly how to describe it, but I feel like this is how he sees and feels the world and those around him, feeling misunderstood and going his own way ("If only all of you could see the world I see, then maybe everyone could live in harmony")

Personal Jesus-Mindless Self Indulgence: He has a superiority complex, that's for sure. I don't think he sees himself as a god, but I see him joking about it

Rainbow Factory-GLAZE, WoodenToaster: Vibes

Frontier Psychiatrist-The Avalanches: I kinda see this as Aguni taking the role of Niragi's "father figure" inside the borderlands, realizing he's turning insane and is unable to control him ("That boy needs therapy")

Hate it. Hate it. "JIGAHIDAI!"-WADATAKEAKI Kurage P: Jealousy. I can see it either in a pre-borderland situation where he hates the popular students in school, or inside the borderlands hating both Chishiya and Arisu. Jealousy takes over him constructing a big ego, causing himself to develop his superiority complex ("You see, I hate that popular girl!" "Does she think I don't notice? How she looks at me as if I'm trash" "I want to be praised" "I'm different from you all, I have my own ego! I'm not a side character" "I have zero common sense. I'm special")

Villain-Stella Jang: He knows damn well he's a villain, that's his goal after all, but what if someone took his point of view? wouldn't the villains be all of those who hurted him in the first place? ("We all pretend to be the heroes on the good side, but what if we are the villains on the other")

Violent-carolesdaughter: This is how I view an argument inside a relationship with Niragi. He's used to violence, to cause fear, and getting what he wants, so being in a healthy relationship would require a lot of patience and strenght. While he's getting better and suppressing those violent actions, there will be times where he accidentally uses violence or threatens the other person unintentionally, mostly hurting himself and his partner psychologically. The lyrics change between both points of view ("Don't make me get violent, I want my ring back baby that's a diamond" "She knows I'm a wreck" "I gave you all my trust and I told you just don't break it")

Hey Bunny-Baby Bugs: Based on how I think it would feel to partner up with him inside the borderlands and catching feelings for him while knowing the huge mess he is ("Hey bunny, what's with those evil eyes?" "Hey bunny, what the hell is wrong with us?" "Hey bunny, what if I loose you too? If I become the monster, together we can always be blue")

Kokoronashi-majiko: I'm pretty sure Niragi isn't able to see himself as someone able to love, even if he doesn't want to be alone (just like when he confesses this feeling while fighting with Chishiya and Arisu). If someone truly loved him and was willing to not letting him go, it would hurt. He can't see himself as someone who can love or be loved, so he can't accept the love he's seeking for in case that turns him "weaker" making his true self confront with the protective mean personality he's created. He could learn how to accept it, so he might want the other person to stay in the end, but it wouldn't be easy for him to accept it ("It's awful, I'd rather you destroy my body, tear it to sheds, do as you please" "No matter how much I'm loved by you, my heart is just one" "I don't know this, don't leave me alone")

Nightmare Parade-FAKE TYPE.: Vibes

Slipping Through My Fingers-Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried: Niragi seeing himself loosing his young, gentle and caring personality due to his fear, being unable to control what's happening inside, nostalgia and sadness kicking in ("The feeling that I'm loosing her forever" "That funny little girl" "Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time")

Kuroneko No Tango-Pink Martini, The Von Trapps: Vibes

YKWIM?-Yot Club: Him confroting his feelings of loneliness when he's left alone with his thoughts ("It feels like I care too much when I'm alone, oh no")

Romantic Lover-Eyedress: Just appreciating his physical appearance ("She's a killer, I love her features")

Wrecking Ball-Mother Mother: Based on how he sees himself as someone who needs to destroy everything in a way or another in order to be powerful + the fun he has with it ("Call me a reckless wrecking ball" "Let's break it just because we can")

Edge-Rezz: Vibes

Freaks-Surf Curse: Again, confronting feelings when loving someone, but not in such a painful as Kokoronashi ("I need a place to stay where I can cover up my face" "Don't cry, I'm just a freak")

Little Bit-Lykke Li: Vibes

6up 5oh Cop-Out (Pro/Con)-Will Wood and the Tapeworms: Vibes

PHONKY TOWN-PlayaPhonk: Vibes

I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE-Måneskin: Freaky time. He would absolutely love this song, definitely his type of thing ("You could be the beauty and I could be the monster" "I wanna touch your body so fucking electric" "I wanna make you hungry, then I wanna feed you")

#BrooklynBloodPop!-SyKo: Vibes

A Cold Freezin' Night-The Books: Vibes

A Pearl-Mitski: My most favorite song to associate with Niragi. Represents his evolution as a character. Creating an scenario where he is loved by someone,he rejects it at first, acting tough ("I don't want your touch") and then proceeds to explain why ("It's just that I fell in love with a war, nobody told me it ended" "it left a pearl in my hand and I roll it around every night just to watch it glow") the war being the borderlands and his new personality, he loved it, but nobody drew a line and it's getting out of hand. The pearl is the feeling of power, the one he has to remember when feeling weak just to feel something. At the end of the song it changes to ("Sorry I can't take your touch"), realizing that he wants love, but he's not able to take it or else he'll become the Niragi from the past

Problematic-Bo Burnham: Him acknowledging his problematic actions but not wanting to apologize because he doesn't feel the need to. He knows he's done bad things but he is going to laugh at it and be a sarcastic mf about it

First Love/Late Spring-Mitski: Similar to Kokoronashi, he wouldn't be able to accept love and how it makes him feel. He would think that he prefers for everyone to hate him and be lonely instead of sacrificing his tougher side. Also talks about how he's grown way too quickly for him to understand feelings properly ("So please hurry leave me, I can't breathe, please don't say you love me" "One word from you and I would jump out of this ledge I'm on baby" "I was so young when I behaved 25, yet now I find I've grown into a tough child"

The Other Side Of Paradise-Glass Animals: Vibes

Bodybag-Chloe Moriondo: How I feel about liking his character, confronting feelings basically ("Don't know if I hate you or if I wanna date you" "I don't wanna like you, I just wanna tie you up, then keep you in a cage and watch you sleep for ages"

Get Into It (Yuh)-Doja Cat: Vibes

Psycho Killer-2005 Remaster- Talking Heads: Vibes

HOT DEMON B!TCHES NEAR U!!!-CORPSE, Night Lovell: Vibes

INFERNO-Sub Urban, Bella Poarch: Again, another song that describes him pretty well ("Baby I'm the reason why hell's so hot" "Terribly like terrible, she's a villain" "Think I'm getting butterflies but it's really something telling me to run away")

Bad Morning-Omori: Vibes

Trouble Brewing: Vibes

Dueles Tan Bien-Bruses: Another song about my confronting feelings with this man ("You know what? You taste better than alcohol to me. You know that and you've got control" "Because you hurt, and you hurt so good that I don't know what to do")

And that's it!! This took me the whole day to write but it makes me very happy to be able to share it :)

I've you've read the entire thing, hope you enjoyed the character analysis! ლ(◞‿◟ლ)

#Spotify #imawa no kuni no alice #alice in borderland #alice in borderland netflix #niragi #niragi suguru #suguru niragi #character playlist #aib niragi #aib #overanalyzing niragi is my favorite hobby

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macgyverseries · 3 years

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rebutting and debunking frequently used arguments against macriley

I made this 10-page google doc rant a while ago, but I never ended up posting it. Today, however, I woke up and chose violence. So here it is: my thoughts on frequently used arguments against macriley.

I took some quotes and arguments that people put online (reddit, tumblr..), and I debunked them all :p I feel like I always see the same arguments all the time, and I’m honestly getting a little tired of hearing them. I’m here to settle this once and for all.

and yes, i did manage to cut down the google doc by 3 pages :D (but it's still long af so rip my brain)

1.”Mac and Riley are siblings because Jack is their father”

I can (mostly) get behind the argument that Mac and Riley shouldn’t be in a romantic relationship because of their super strong friendship. Some people really value that sole platonicness, and I get that.

But the argument that I can’t get behind is that: Mac and Riley are siblings because Jack is their father figure”

If you google the definition of “father,” the first result that comes up is: “a man in relation to his children.”

Now, Jack was definitely the father figure to Riley, and I would consider her his child. He raised her. He helped shape her ideals and upbringing.

Mac only met Jack when he left MIT. So it was pretty much after Mac was raised (by Bozer’s parents haha), that Jack really came into his life. Mac already became his own person. (also, I always saw Mac and Jack as more of a bromance)

So because Riley and Mac met Jack at different periods of their lives, and they were raised differently, I wouldn’t say that they were siblings who were raised by the same father.

2. “The show writers left the impression that there was a huge age gap between them”

I understand this a little. I do think Riley was introduced as pretty young and idk naive? Because she was literally in highschool, and then she went to prison, and then she got released into the wild. Personally, when I started watching the show, I googled the whole cast. So I started the show knowing that they were the same age.

And also, the more I got to know Riley, the more that I thought that Riley was more mature and had an old soul herself. I think it was because she was just a dynamic and round character, who is well-developed.

But, I get first impressions. I feel like once you get stuck on an impression, it’s hard to go away from that.

Also, Jack would’ve totally shipped macriley, and you can’t change my mind.

3. "Riley isn't ready for a relationship"

I honestly think that this argument should be more geared towards Mac. He needs to figure himself out and go to therapy ffs. However, this person targeted Riley (the literal queen), so I shall defend her:

I understand wanting Riley to take some time off, and figure herself out before going straight into another relationship with someone. But here’s the thing. Throughout the first few seasons Riley’s character was very well established, and she didn’t have any partners during that time. She has proven that she is a strong, well-rounded, independent woman (with or without a partner). So i think it is valid to say that she isn’t just some girl who only has boy toys. She is much more than that.

My next point is that Riley has made it clear that she wants a lasting relationship with someone who will support her. When talking with Mac in 4.04, we see her express her interest in a stable, healthy relationship. It’s not wrong to go out and look for that potential partner. This applies to everyone (not just fictional characters): It’s going to take a few relationships and self-discovery, to find a good relationship, and people shouldn’t be shamed for searching for that.

Riley has only ever had two major boyfriends that I remember. First was Billy; she took that relationship very seriously. She really did seem happy with him. It was a shame that he cheated on her. Second was Aubrey. She also took that relationship very seriously. She had been living with him for six months (and they even had the cutest date nights!) So I wouldn't say that Riley only has boy toys. She has meaningful relationships.

Lastly, I think this was written when season four started airing, but it’s been over a year (and a pandemic) since Riley has dated. I think enough time has passed.

*4. I had to split this one up because, oh boy, there is a lot to unpack here.

4a. “If that was the direction they’d chosen to take with that relationship from square one… My issue with it is that Mac and Riley were presented to us as friends/ found siblings for three years. There were NO romantic vibes to speak of between them..”

I actually felt the same way about macriley. The thought of them being together in season one, made me want to throw up. I don’t think the writers intended on having macriley, and I was perfectly fine with that.

I know that people look for different things when they ship. Some really like having instant gratification with the spicy, hot, sexy parts of a relationship, like macdesi (which is why I was fine with the idea of shipping macdesi in the past).

I always wanted to see macriley do more: have hot, flirtatious banters/interactions. it can be hard to ship people who seem to be missing that part of the love equation. So i agree. It's definitely strange. And I understand if you genuinely have a hard time seeing the romantic potential of macriley, when the writers have only dragged out and shown us the platonic potential of them.

Also, the reason why it is difficult to see macriley as romantic, was because they ALWAYS PRIORITIZED AND WERE DRIVEN on their friendship. A partner should be friends first, and then makeout buddies second.

But just because people start off as friends, doesn’t mean that they still don’t have that potential to be lovers. Because guess what?! Feelings change. It’s now canon that Riley has feelings for Mac, and Mac always had feelings for Riley (but never acted on it).

I'm sorry, but you like a boomer when you say “bAcK iN mY dAy, tHeY dIdN’t HaVe fEeLiNgS fOr EaCh oThEr.” like okaAAAyyYYyYY????? We are not “back in your day” anymore. We are in the present. We are in today. And today, macriley is real :)

4b. “There’s the incredibly tired trope where long-term coworkers suddenly catch feelings for each other out of nowhere”

Personally, I will never get tired of the friends to lovers trope. I think the fact that Mac and Riley had such a strong friendship and foundation is what makes them perfect. Again, I know that some people just like instant gratification, but I love when a couple can take their time to have depth, emotion, and realness in their relationship.

Obviously I am biased because I have so much love for this trope, it's my favorite trope, but I don't see why you would use the “it’s overused” as reasoning to hate a ship. Just because a trope is used a lot, doesn’t mean it is bad (that’s probably why it is so good lmao). I can understand getting tired of it, and growing a dislike towards a trope. For example, I have grown an extreme dislike towards the love triangle.

A bit of a tangent: But the difference between overusing love triangles and overusing friends to lovers, is that love triangles aren’t just commonly used tropes. They are cliches. They cause unwanted drama and unnecessary hurt to one character. Whereas friends to lovers doesn’t involve as much drama and pain for a character. It is more of just angst between two people. And we know that they will get together eventually with a happy ending. So it was never really problematic.

And even then, the great thing about overusing or utilizing tropes, is that they can act as a guide. It allows the show writers and cast to make it personal, make it their own, adding their own special flair to it

I just don’t see the “this trope is used a lot” as a valid reasoning for disliking a ship .It just seems like this commenter doesn’t like the friends to lovers trope for the sake of not liking it.

I could be very wrong in my assumption of this person’s thoughts on friends to lovers, maybe there is a deeper reasoning as to why they don’t like it, but the tone that i interpreted when i read this section, was that they don’t have a real reason to dislike it, it’s more of just because.

4c.“then there's the fact that Riley had a mostly single Mac in her life for 3-4 years and she never even considered him romantically until he was with someone else”

First: Riley didn’t CHOOSE to fall in love. You may recall that “emotions aren’t a science. You can’t control them.”

Second: Mac was broken up with Desi when she caught feelings for him. Plus, the moment Riley saw that Mac and Desi were getting happy together, she moved out and gave them space. She sacrificed her own feelings for his happiness, despite the fact that her heart was breaking.

4d. “and finally, Mac not only still doesn't seem to even have Riley on his radar in that way but he literally told another woman that he loves her just last week. Neither of them look particularly good here if they get together now.”

I'm assuming that this was written when 4.12 first aired. I'm also assuming that this comment was more directed towards the idea of Mac and Riley getting together immediately at the end of the season, rather than later down the road. I always saw of macriley as more of endgame material. That i would see them get together sometime in the future. So I agree. Macriley getting together during that time period, would be too rushed and unsatisfying.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So those were most of the supposed arguments that I saw for people who were against macriley, but I also wanted to provide some really good examples of people who were very respectable, and actually had valid reasoning for disliking them.

1. they just don’t like shipping in general

Ships can be annoying af. Seeing people ONLY focus on the ships is sometimes tiring. I, myself, even feel a little guilty making this post, because I need to chill and mind my own business lmaooo. I really should let people do whatever they want to do with their lives, and not get caught up in the ships, but here I am :p

Anyways, I know that there is a lot of unnecessary drama that comes with shipping, and it's tiring to see people constantly go on and on about romance, when there are other perfect things about the show.

2. No matter how hard they try, they just feel it.

This is literally so dumb (and a little hypocritical/self-contradictory), but if you have a gut feeling, and you just can’t get yourself to ship it, I get it. If you truly and genuinely believe that they are best platonic friends, I can't change your opinion. And I have respect for you (if you say it in a kind manner).

Here is a nice example of a person who expressed their opinion in a nice way, with no BS.

So the moral of the story: I can't control your deepest thoughts. I can't control your gut feelings. And that’s okay. But the moment that you start backing up your thoughts and insights with BS reasoning, is the moment that I lose respect for you.

#macriley #macgyver #sorry that was so freaking long

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mulletpeters · 3 years

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toothache of the mind

ship: peterpatter

rating: g

word count: 1938

tags: canon compliant, pre-canon, high school, 1990s, best friends, feelings realization, pining

Reggie gets braces for his sweet sixteen.

He doesn’t tell anyone―not even his best friends in the whole wide world. So when he walks into homeroom the Tuesday after his birthday, Luke nearly topples out of his chair at the sight of the metal wrapped around Reggie’s adorable little snaggletooth. Alex may or may not be hyperventilating, but Luke wouldn’t know. He’s distracted.

Reggie, for his part, is acting like Luke’s world hasn’t just been tilted on its axis in a dangerous way. “Hey, guys,” he says nonchalantly. “Sup?”

Alex recovers much quicker than Luke, though there’s still a glint of concern in his eyes. They both know how self-conscious Reggie can be, especially about his smile, so he treads carefully. “Hey, Reginald. Do anything fun for your birthday?”

They had their own party on Friday after school―Luke gave Reggie a new studded strap for his bass because the one he’d found in Bobby’s garage had started to look pretty sad―but Reggie’s parents are the type to force family time onto him any chance they get. Luke has a sneaking suspicion they only do it so they can use Reggie against each other in whatever asinine argument comes up that day, but it’s not like he can really do anything about it. None of them can, so Reggie is unfortunately left to his own devices when it comes to compulsory dysfunctional family celebrations. “Not really,” he says in lieu of giving any actual details; he’ll tell them eventually, but a crowded classroom is not ideal for dishing out his personal drama. “Got braces.” He shrugs, like his mom hasn’t made him feel like shit about his less than perfect teeth for most of his childhood. Definitely since Luke’s known him, anyway, and they’ve been friends since they were ten.

“Oh, did you?” Alex asks, and it sounds borderline sarcastic but he holds back most of his usual bite. “Let’s see ‘em, then.” He holds an arm out in a grand gesture like he’s giving Reggie the floor, and Reggie flashes the most hesitant smile Luke’s ever seen on him.

Luke swears his heart stops, but Alex is once again carrying the conversation so he does his best to tune in. “Oh, nice,” Alex says, approving of the red brackets stuck to the front of Reggie’s teeth with a slight nod.

Reggie returns the gesture, and he looks considerably more relaxed now that he knows his friends won’t shun him for something this mundane. “Thanks,” he tells Alex before turning to face Luke, and he looks a little apprehensive, like maybe Luke should get his brain to reboot so he can offer some reassuring words instead of just staring like a total weirdo.

Luke wants to say something about how red looks good on him, or how it’s cool that it’ll match his favourite flannel, or maybe he’d settle for even just a supportive thumbs up. What actually comes out of his mouth is, “How long do you have to wear them?”

Reggie gives him a funny look, head tilted and brow furrowed. “Only like, a year,” he answers anyway, and Luke wants to scream.

Thankfully, the teacher chooses that moment to draw their attention to the front of the room, and Reggie turns around in his seat so Luke can only see the back of his head. Luke sighs in relief, sinking further into his chair till his limbs are sprawled out into the aisle, accepting his defeat. It’s gonna be a long year.

Luke decidedly does not address the issue after that day. The issue being that weird fluttery feeling he gets in his chest every time Reggie smiles at him, or laughs, or talks, or breathes. Basically any time he sees the glint of metal in Reggie’s mouth, really.

It’s not like this is a new development, exactly; Luke has always had a bit of a soft spot for Reggie, a little bit of weakness. In the six years they’ve known each other, he can’t recall a time that Reggie just existing didn’t make his brain static out. The braces just made him recognize what’s always been true, even if he still doesn’t know how to make sense of it.

Normally he’d talk to his best friends about whatever’s on his mind, but he can’t very well articulate a dilemma he can’t comprehend to begin with. Plus, he doubts Alex would be any help, considering he’s got his own set of issues to work through, and he’d rather die than bring it up with Reggie himself. And as for Bobby, well. Bobby’s got the emotional depth of a puddle. So, naturally, he does the only logical thing there is to do: he writes.

He figures if Reggie’s smile is stuck in his head like a song, he might as well make it one. It’s what he’s good at, and it gives him a false sense of separation from the issue that grants a certain clarity he can’t get any other way. He jots down pages and pages of lyrics, curled up in his bed late one night, fingers itching for his guitar even though he knows his mom would kill him if she caught him playing at 1am again. So he just sits cross-legged on his comforter, hunched over his ratty old notebook, scrawling cliche lines about green eyes and freckles and an endearingly crooked canine.

It’s the sappiest thing he’s ever written. When he reads over it before school the next morning, he knows he’s well and truly fucked.

Reggie plops down into the dip in the center of the studio couch, inadvertently leaning onto Luke’s shoulder. “You working on a new song?” he asks, tilting his chin at the notebook on Luke’s lap like the question needs clarification.

Luke nods even as he scrambles to shut the book, shuffling loose papers to stuff them between the creased cover. “Uh,” he stammers, biting his lip. “Yeah, I am.”

Reggie just nods back, averting his eyes to look up at the loft when he realizes that Luke doesn’t want him to see the song. “Rad. What's it called?” He glances at Luke, offering a comforting smile that says Luke can tell him as much or as little as he wants.

And well, that's the thing. Luke hasn't given it a name yet―the song, or the bewildering cocktail of feelings that inspired it to begin with. So he looks up from his scratchy handwriting to Reggie’s lopsided grin and says the first thing his useless brain can come up with. “Crooked Teeth.”

“Oh.” Reggie’s smile slides right off his face and Luke realizes what he's done half a second too late. Reggie bites his lip self-consciously, fidgeting with the sleeves of the flannel tied around his waist as Luke scrambles to backtrack into less sensitive territory.

“It's about Bobby,” he blurts unwittingly. And technically speaking, it is a little bit about Bobby, mostly because it's a little bit about the whole band, seeing as they’re mentioned in one line of the second chorus. But Bobby’s not the point of the song, not by a long shot. Luke decides Reggie doesn't need to know that, though. Especially not when his face lights up at the revelation, conspiratorial eyebrow raised like Luke’s letting him in on some great secret.

“Oh, snap! Well, I won't tell him, but don't let him find those lyrics.” Reggie winks, and it's not like it’s an unfamiliar sight, but Luke’s heart stutters out of time all the same. He's just glad Reggie isn’t the type to ask to see a song before Luke’s ready to share it; Luke doubts he'll ever be ready to share this particular piece, but if he does show it to Reggie, it'll be his choice.

He laughs halfheartedly, more a forceful exhale than anything else, and lands a playful punch to Reggie’s bicep. “Sure, man.”

Reggie just smiles wider. It feels like a kick straight to Luke’s solar plexus.

“You told him it’s about Bobby?” Alex asks, but what Luke hears is, you’re an idiot. Luke looks down at his best friend―he used to consider Reggie his best friend too, but he thinks maybe Reggie is in a category all his own at this point―and frowns. “He got his braces off before we even met him.” Alex stands up, walking around his drum kit to pace the floor. “And you told Reggie it’s called Crooked Teeth before you said that? Dude, you know how insecure he is about―”

“Yeah, Al, I know,” Luke huffs, cutting him off. It’s not the title Luke would've consciously chosen, but it's weirdly fitting, in a sort of convoluted way. Like, maybe Reggie’s teeth weren’t the sole catalyst for this whole...whatever this is, but they definitely played a major part. Luke’s really gonna miss Reggie’s snaggletooth, okay? He resents Reggie’s parents for a lot of reasons, but forcing him to get braces instead of a real birthday present is pretty damn high on the list.

Alex, with all his anxiety-induced powers of perception, notices Luke’s internal struggle and momentarily stops wearing a hole in the floor. “You’re kinda wiggin’ out, man. Chill.” He holds his hands out in what’s meant to be a placating gesture, but the drumsticks in his fists sort of ruin the effect.

“You’re one to talk,” Luke mumbles, but he doesn’t mean it, and Alex knows that. He’s just confused, and stressed, and generally unsure what to do with his recent epiphany. “What should I do?” he asks louder, eyes pleading.

Alex goes back to nervously lapping the room, and Luke picks at a loose string on his guitar strap just to have something to do. “I dunno,” Alex says after what could very well be an eternity. “But I think you’d feel better if you told him.”

Luke’s eyes shoot up to meet Alex’s gaze, brow furrowing involuntarily. “You what?”

Alex walks over, planting his feet in front of Luke, clapping a hand on Luke’s shoulder that isn’t holding his guitar strap up. “You’re clearly upset about this, Lucas. Tell him.”

Luke is shaking his head before Alex has even finished his sentence. “Not happening.” He folds his arms like a petulant child, but it loses its effectiveness when his guitar gets in the way, a sad thump echoing through the room. “I wouldn’t know what to say, anyway.”

Alex cocks an eyebrow with a pointed look at the notebook sitting on top of Luke’s amp. “I think you already said it.”

Luke follows his line of sight, eyes landing on the folded corner of a piece of paper sticking out from all the others. He already knows what’s written on it―has the words memorized by now. They were written on his heart long before he put them to the page, anyway.

Bobby bursts into the studio then, Reggie in tow, and the moment is broken. They’re laughing about something Bobby said, and Reggie is as beautiful as ever as he throws his head back, and Luke thinks that maybe one day he’ll get the courage to tell him how he feels. He’ll ask Alex to work with him on the music to go with his lyrics, maybe even get Bobby to help with the melody. He’ll throw rocks at Reggie’s window and serenade him from his front lawn like they do in the movies, and his friends will back him up, and it’ll be perfect.

For now, he needs to focus on perfecting the songs they already have. They’ve got a show at the Orpheum next summer to prepare for.

#posted this a week ago but i finally got around to putting it here too lmao #i still don't know if i like the formatting but whatever #anyway! i'm writing willex next <3 #jatp #julie and the phantoms #peterpatter #luke #reggie #alex #mine #fic

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ecclais-fouoras · 3 years

Text

Sometimes moving on is good

Chapter 3&4

The two of you met often for drinks and chatting, while you exchanged a few messages.

You : Hey😝✌️ what is up ? I haven't heard from you today, is everything ok? Btw i finished your recipe but the cake 🍰 was not looking good😭🤣

Diane : hi, sorry i was busy with work. what happened with the cake? Oh i know you must have overcooked it, i used to do that all the time at first. What does btw mean? And why are there little faces on my phone ?

You :🤣oh honey...those are smileys you use that to had emotions to texts. AND Btw means by the way, everybody knows that diane.

Diane: haha ! Well I don't, anyways I finally finished the book you handed me last time.

You: OMG ALREADY??? IN 3 DAYS ! did you at least like it?

Diane: i did especially because of Jude’s past. Oh, and then Jude’s present, because sometimes life just keeps knocking people down, even when they’ve already suffered more than anyone ever should.

You: yes ohh it was so sad. I almost shead a tear. Which does not happen often !

Especially when reading... But I'm glad you liked it.😘

Diane: well i did the writing was really good, and the plot was interesting, what do you mean especially when you read ?

You: well... I always have trouble connecting to a book, especially when I have to read it, AND WHEN IT'S LONNNG🤣

In all seriousness I just have a hard time reading for as long as I can remember.

Diane: oh...why is that??

You: well I was diagnosed with An Oral and Written Language Learning Disability with impairment in reading and a specific reading comprehension deficit years ago. So basically my brain don't wORK.

Diane: i apologise that was intrusive of me

You: oh no don't worry I'm fine with talking about it, it's not that big of a deal, it doesn't stop me from messing up your cake🤭😭.

Diane: 😂 you'll do better next time don't worry. Do you know what are the causes ? You don't have to answer. It's just, well medicine interests me a lot.

You: apparently an abnormal cortical development, that occurs before or during the sixth month of fetal brain development, may have Abnormal cell formation known as ectopias, and more rarely, vascular micro-malformations, and microgyrus.

It's all big words but yeah those are the latest studies about dyslexia sais.

Diane: oh okay, i never thought it was actually physical, it's good to know

you: me neither until I searched it ! Even if I had it🤣. Sorry i gotta go I'm gonna be late for work !

Diane : sure, have fun! well Don't have fun...you know what I mean

Goodbye y/n.

When you got back from work you directly went on your phone hoping that diane sent you a message just so you'd have an excuse to talk to her. You had just seen her a few days before but somehow you still missed her, and little did you know she was missing you too.

After a few weeks you grew closer, and she invited you over for lunch or brunch, but tonight, you were going out. Together. You had asked her on a date a few days before.

"Hi Diane ? Yes it's me I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me on Friday ?...mmm...yes well I know a great place next to the cinema... Totally we can go out to the movies and then diner...what do you want to see ? Okay, cool see you then."

Yes, you were neighbors, you could've asked her in person, but you didn't want to be rejected face to face, it seamed easier to do on the phone.

And tonight was the night, the movie didn't start until a few hours, but you had already started getting ready. You picked up a nice outfit, Classy but casual, and put on just a little make up.

On the other side of the road diane was also starting to prepare, she was -not gonna lie- overall a bit anxious, why did you ask her out? Was it a date ? No it couldn't be, you'd never think of her like this. She was lucky to call you her friend, maybe you didn't even think of her as a friend ? God I'm so silly i got carried away, she probably doesn't even like me back. She was completely overwhelmed with thoughts, her breathing was shallow and she could not get in the right headspace as she put on her outfit.

She didn't notice that it was almost time, and that you were going to show up anytime to pick her up.

She offered to drive but you said you'd like too since you worked from home and didn't drive your car out often.

next thing she knows, her doorbell rings and as she goes down the stairs you hear her say "coming !" in a soft voice.

"I'm so sorry I barely even finished getting ready... Here come in I just have to find my shoes and I'll be right there." She looked so beautiful in her bordeaux dress that you didn't register her words.

"...o.. okay.." you manage to say while eyeing her up and down. Even if she didn't seem to know, she was beyond beautiful and you were going to make sure she did.

"You look.." you couldn't finish you sentence before she started rambling and letting all of her anxieties taking over her speach.

-" what too much, oh no i should have never put on that, sorry i thought it was cute but I'm too old for this and ugl...

She didn't have time to finish you just cut her off;

-"NO ! No i ment you look beautiful like this"

You couldn't help but feel attracted to her right now, but you put it aside, she didn't like women obviously?

-"Oh...wait really ?" You could feel the shakiness in her tone

"Yes...of course you look cute, and the dress is amazing on you. Don't even worry about it you are a very beautiful women diane."

You said in a firm voice that made her knees go weak.

"Well we should get going sweetie, do you have your shoes?"

"Yes..let's go" she closed the door blushing widely as you opened up the door to your car.

You bowed as you said "Milady" in a formal tone

She giggled softly and it was the most precious sound in the universe.

The car drive went by in a comfortable silence as just the soft music and a bit of humming could be heard.

You invited her to the movies, she offered the popcorn and choose your seats.

It wasn't necessarily a scary movie, but when things got a little tense, you could see her clench the armrest, so you scooted over and offered her your shoulder so she could hold on to you. After a bit of esitaton she accepted your embrace and the two of you cuddled together while the movie played. She gasped and then laughed at herself a few times.

When the credits started to roll none of you wanted to move, but you broke the silence and told her;

"As much as I'd like to stay here and cuddle you... I think the dude standing there with the bucket needs us to leave... Also the reservation is in ten minutes."

She sighed softly in defeat, gathered her bag and started to get up.

She rose too quickly and felt dizzy as her legs started to buckle. But you cought her hips before she could fall.

"It's okay...I got you", you said softly in her ear.

"Are you good? Can you walk" you asked as you still held her hips firmly. Which send a shiver down her spine, and a tingle down further to the both of you.

"Yeah.. I'm good thank you I just got up too fast".

You both went to the restaurant, the waiter took your orders and you both started to chat about anything and everything, the movies, life, cake, and even your delicious pastries.

"I was NOT scared !?"

-"YES you totally were ! you clang on to me the whole time I heard you whimper at Thé screen everytime there was something scary on."

-"sorry about that..."

-"why are you apologizing ? If it had bothered me i would have told you so..."

-"oh..okay, but I wasn't scared, just sometimes the movie was making me anxious ! I mean like that part in the stairs...brr..gave me chills."

-"alright alright fine..you weren't scared...I'll give it to you.. just because your cute"

She nearly choked at your comment and became as red as your wine.

"It's okay you don't have to be shy with me."

-"Do you really think I'm cute?"

-"Yeah, already told you you were cute today; and well not just tonight"

-"thank you y/n"

"Anytime diane, you are beautiful i want you to know that"

She didn't want to cry in front of you but you saw the tear she was desperately trying to hide run down her cheek, and got worried.

"Oh diane...are you okay ? I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable... please look at me" you moved closer to wipe the tears off of her face, and gently stroked her cheek.

"I'm fine y/n, just it's been a long time since anybody called me beautiful"

-"Well that's a shame then, and I'll make sure you hear it a lot more."

"You don't have to do that... I don't need to hear it"

-"You do. And you should be hearing it, i don't know why it stopped but I'll make sure it doesn't ever again"

She sobbed at your words again

"Oh No...sweet girl don't cry.. please... you're okay diane, I'm here always, I'm your friend"

She calmed down a bit, and felt butterflies in her stomach at what you said.

-"You are? You mean you actually want to be ?"

"OF course silly, i wouldn't have invited you to diner if I didn't at least like you diane."

Just after that sentence left your mouth the waiter arrived to pick up your plates, you breathed out 'thank you' as he left.

"You know, I don't understand why you didn't think I liked you, at leaaaast a little ?"

You joked as you took a sip of your glass.

"Well.. I've been alone for so long now...I don't know...i thought you were just hanging out with me because you didn't have a choice...".

You were saddened by her words

"Diane..I... if I had known you felt that way I would have said something a long time ago ! I don't want you to think for a second that i am here out of pity or because I got nothing better to do. I'm here cause I wanted to have a nice evening out with you."

You said as you put your hand on top of hers, when she didn't draw back you started to gently stroke it.

"Would you two like some dessert ?"

You pulled away to take the menu form the waitress.

"Do you want some dessert diane? They have apple pie, and tiramisu?"

-"i don't know...I'm not that hungry for both but i don't want to choose."

-"we can share you know"

-"huh? What do you mean"

-"well, i take the apple pie, you take the tiramisu, and we split"

-"are you sure? I wouldn't want to bother y..."

You cut her off before she could go any further.

"Yes I'm sure diane"

"..o..okay then"

"Are YOU sure??" You asked in a funny tone

She giggled and nodded.

You asked the waiter for both and shared when they arrived. After fighting a bit over who would pay you told diane that you had asked her out and therefore you should pay, "and if you want to pay so bad... you'll pay next time."

Both of you were full, you had spent an incredible night, it was dark but you offered diane a quick walk around the park, and she agreed. The two of you made your way back to the car after laughing your asses of and getting even closer than before.

You drove her back to your...her house. And before she entered her home you softly said;

"Well diane, i had an amazing night, we have to do that again sometime."

-"yes we do, i had so much fun too"

-"And I ment everything i said tonight,.."

For a few moments you just looked at each other, your gaze met her lips and she thought about how sweet they would taste before thinking 'who am i kidding she'll never kiss me, get those thoughts out of your head diane'

Before you could process what was happening, both of your bodies grew closer and your eyes shifted between both of your lips you kissed her, softly. it was a calm and quiet kiss. You broke off for air and looked into her eyes. You caressed her cheeks and put your hand on the small of her back before kissing her again, she moaned inside your lips and you took the chance to put your tongue in her mouth. Her hands flew to your neck and she kissed you back.

After a few minutes of making out you pulled away, you didn't really want to break the moment but you asked

"Diane... it's late i should go back home..."

She looked a hurt and a bit sad while she let you go.

"No don't.. I don't regret kissing you Diane don't worry. I just want to take this slow"

"Oh alright I thought you didn't... nevermind. Go home y/n, it's getting cold out here" she looked down at her hands and

"..you don't regret it don't you?"

"No i enjoyed it" she said blushing slightly.

"Good... I'll see you tomorrow then... Good night diane"

you kissed her sweetly again before leaving and you both smiled like teenagers who just had their first date.

-"Sweet dreams y/n"

#diane sherman x reader #diane sherman #sarah paulson fanfiction

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toilet-bound-messenger · 4 years

Text

TBHK theory: is Tsukasa really the "abuser"? + the meaning of the ropes

So I know that it is a common belief in the fandom that Hanako was abused by someone close to him since he did say that "he forgives it". And since he forgives it, it's obvious that it must be someone important to him, right? And that someone is most likely Tsukasa... or is it?

The reason why we think that is because of Hanako's reactions to when he runs into Tsukasa. So I guess a lot of us just assumed that he reacted that way because he's scared of Tsukasa. But I think that rather being scared of Tsukasa, he's scared of himself. Remember when he jumped on Yashiro after Tsukasa first showed up? I can't find the post anymore but I do remember someone saying that reenacting a past traumatic experience is a common way to "deal" with it. Thus he jumped on Yashiro to emulate that because seeing Tsukasa made him remember when he killed him. Which is why he's always so uncomfortable around Tsukasa: because it makes him think of a traumatic event. Not necessarily because Tsukasa was the "abuser".

We also have this image:

Which makes us think that Tsukasa might be the abuser because Hanako is bound by ropes while a shadow that looks like Hanako is saying something in his ear. A common idea here, is that the shadow is Tsukasa, however I'm not sure about that. If it really is Tsukasa, then why does he not have the patch on his right cheek? It might just be me, but besides the clothes, I think that the obvious way to tell Hanako and Tsukasa apart is the patches they have on their cheeks. Hanako's is on his left cheek and Tsukasa's is on the right. But as we can see the shadow doesn't have Tsukasa's patch. If the shadow does have a patch then it's on the side that we can't see: the left side, the same as Hanako's.

Thus, I think that this shadow might, or might not be a metaphoric representation of Hanako himself, fucking himself over and tying himself town out of guilt because he killed his brother. Hanako is blaming himself. After all, we can also see the knife being bound as a way to remind himself of what he did.

Oh, and let's talk about the ropes.

Another belief is that maybe Hanako was abused with ropes, that Tsukasa may have been into... bondage?? And he did that to his twin brother?? This doesn't sound right, doesn't it?

Tsuchigomori says: "you're always covered in cuts and bruises" but there's no mention of ropes. I mean, I'm only assuming here, but if the abuser really did use ropes then wouldn't they be easy to see? Tsuchigomori also says that it happens every single day so all the bruises he has on his body must always be fresh/recent, right? I would guess that rope bruises are really easy to identify whether you're a nurse or a normal person.

But then... What the hell do the ropes mean?! Well I have an easy answer to give: those ropes are a recurring theme in TBHK.

Almost all of the covers of the volumes have ropes on them and even side art from Aida.

Look at this:

So there could be 2 different explanations for this:

1) Aida likes drawing ropes

2) Ropes are a metaphor for something

I think it's obviously answer n°2.

Maybe what I'm going to say sounds super obvious, but I feel like ropes are a way to show us that all of those characters are "bound" together. Their stories and lives are all tied together since they're all important characters in the story and they're the ones to move the plot forward.

We can see it especially here:

The rope is tied to Hanako's pinky finger, and most times, in Japanese culture they call that the "red string of fate". Basically, you're tied to someone else. Which is most times your soulmate. That whole rope thing means that all of those characters' fates are tied to eachother.

But now the last point: if I don't think that the abuser is Tsukasa and that the rope doesn't mean that Hanako was abused with ropes then what the hell does this all mean? Who's the abuser?

Well to be honest... I don't know.

I think the obvious answer here would be their parents. I mean, we know nothing about them. Where are they?? Could Hanako and Tsukasa be orphans?

Maybe they were abused in the orphanage, after all, it's common knowledge that Japanese orphanages are shit. (Or at least they were shittier back then, maybe now it's better but I'm not a specialist in the subject.)

Also, isn't it weird how we always saw past Hanako but never past Tsukasa? Why? Why haven't we seen him yet? Maybe because Tsukasa was abused even more than Hanako.

Let me explain: we got this whole explanation

This is in chapter 46 when Amane was talking about Scorpius and Antares, and how they're actually twin stars but that one of the 2 is brighter than the other so you can only see one of them. (Sorry for the quality of the image, I can't find better.)

This is obviously a metaphor for Amane and Tsukasa. So what does it all mean?

Well, long story short: I think that Tsukasa wasn't allowed to go to school while Amane was.

If my orphanage theory is correct, then I would guess that the orphanage had funding issues (I mean, it's a problem even to this day and not only in Japan. Orphanages being short on money because the governement doesn't care enough to help abandoned kids is ocurrent.)

So I don't find that hard to believe that the orphanage might've been like "Fuck it! Let' send the older twin brother to school and the younger one can stay here. We can't afford to send all of our children to school after all." I mean it's weird, right? That in the flashback Tsuchigomori didn't even mention Tsukasa. If Tsukasa was really going to school and was the abuser then wouldn't Tsuchigomori be like "oh, it's weird how your twin brother doesn't have any bruises while you do. Is he the one to do this?"

But no. There is absolutely no mention of Tsukasa whatsoever. Which is really, really weird. I had twins in my classroom throughout elementary school and middle school and they were always put in the same classroom. So if Tsukasa really did go to school I would guess that they would not only be in the same classroom, but also Tsuchigomori would bring him up.

Thus while Amane was in school, Tsukasa was the one being abused, and that's why he's so fucked in the head. Because Tsukasa was actually the one getting most of the beatings, the cuts and the bruises.

Of course, school in Japan lasts longer than in the west with the clubs and all. But I would guess that Amane didn't join a club because he wanted to get back as quickly as possible to help his brother. That's why Amane didn't have any friends. Because he would always rush to the orphanage after school.

I think, Amane being the caring big brother he is, he would take the abuse instead of Tsukasa when he was "home" to protect him as much as he could, but since he was at school most of the time, Tsukasa was the one taking most of the beatings.

And since Amane was going to school, I would guess that they went "easier" on him so the teachers wouldn't call the cops on them. That's also why Amane decided "not to go anywhere anymore."

Because whenever he's away from his brother, Tsukasa gets hurt. Amane decided to throw his dream away to protect Tsukasa from the abusers.

And so, that is also why I think that Tsukasa has a mental illness. That's why he's so much more emotionally unstable than Amane. Hanako has obviously problems too, but Tsukasa is the one who got the short end of the stick.

I would guess, Tsukasa may be a sociopath at this point. A current belief, is that sociopaths like to hurt animals/kill them to feel something. When someone is abused, what the brain does is to "repress" emotions to feel less pain. That's how different mental illnesses get born.

For example, "dissociating" to feel like you're not you, to believe that it's someone else who's suffering right now your brain tries to make you believe that you're "out" of your body.

Dissociative personality disorder makes you develop multiple personalities inside yourself so you can switch between them and feel like you're safe while another personality is taking the abuse for you.

And then, of course, sociopathy, your brain "turns off" your emotions for you to stay "sane" but funnily enough, in the long run it makes you insane since you can't feel emotions in normal situations anymore.

A lot of mental illnesses come from traumatic experiences, they're defensive mechanisms after all. Mental illnesses are your brain trying to protect you from excessive pain...

This got dark real quick, sorry.

Anyway, this whole theory started with a thought I had: "Why would a sibling, not to mention a TWIN, abuse his brother?"

The conclusion I came to is: they wouldn't.

I'm not saying that it's definitely impossible at a 100% but I always found that weird how everyone thinks that a twin sibling would abuse his other sibling. Especially since twins are so close.

And to end it all...

I think that what went down with the Yugi siblings is that, one day they decided to end it all. They couldn't take the suffering anymore so they decided to kill themselves.

But right at the end, Tsukasa's emotions finally kicked in and he got scared at the last moment. And so, he begged Amane to finish the job. Amane then got traumatized from killing his brother and he ran to the girls' bathroom and hung himself out of guilt. Or maybe he also stabbed himself like Tsukasa? Who knows.

#jibaku shounen hanako kun #toilet bound hanako kun #tbhk #jshk #theory #yugi tsukasa #yugi amane #hanako

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not-poignant · 3 years

Note

Hi Pia! I'm a huge fan of your work and deeply enjoying FFS rn, it really shows the love and care you've put into this world and characters and it's an amazing read 🥰🧡

Idk if you've actually answered this question before or if it's a bit too much? So feel free to skip it. Do you have any advice on how to write a therapist and sessions with them? And to go along with that, a therapist&patient relationship that doesn't feel inauthentic but that's a healthy one?

I've had to visit both psychiatrists and psychologists a couple of times along my life, which has almost always been a positive experience to me, but when I get down to business and want to write a character going to therapy, I fall into a bunch of the psychoanalytic clichés US films have hammered us down with, even if I'm not from an Anglophile country!

Thanks a bunch in advance!! Ilu, have a nice start of the year🧡✨

Hiya anon!

I have a few thoughts about writing therapy sessions so I’m just going to put them down in no particular order.

Firstly, I don’t actually think it’s always a good idea to write therapy in stories, and a lot of the time I avoid writing it even when a character is actively seeing a therapist. This is particularly true in The Wind that Cuts the Night where all we see of Alex and his therapist are snippets, and nothing more than that, because therapy sessions would slow down the pacing, focus and value of the story.

Where possible, characters don’t see therapists, but talk to people in a way that is therapeutic, usually with love interests or members of the ensemble cast (Augus and Fenwrel in The Court of Five Thrones, Jack and Eva in The Golden Age that Never Was, Jack and North in From the Darkness We Rise/Into Shadows We Fall, Cullen and Cassandra, Cullen and Bull in Stuck on the Puzzle). All of those characters need therapy, but writing therapy sessions tends to slow down the pace of a fic pretty dramatically, and even I had misgivings about writing Efnisien’s sessions with Dr Gary at first because I’m acutely aware of the fact that:

1. Therapy sessions can be draggy and boring 2. They often take away important emotional realisations from other characters, ruining potential hurt/comfort and character relationship development moments with your actual cast / love interests 3. Fiction is meant to be fiction, not reality. 4. A lot of therapy sessions are actually not that interesting to sit in or write or observe, which is why writers do often find themselves falling into certain cliches while writing them to make them more interesting. Even I cut out huge chunks of sessions to get to the more interesting parts, lol. 5. You can write a character going to therapy without writing the therapy. You can just choose to have the character remember bits and pieces of the session later as it’s relevant to their life. 6. Therapy is different for everyone, and some readers (myself included) don’t enjoy reading it when the therapy is a kind that doesn’t resonate or feel right.

So you really need to ask yourself why you want to write therapy specifically, because a lot of the time it gets boring or - as you point out - falls into cliched territory. Writing a character going to a doctor a lot in detail for regular injections is boring. Writing them thinking about how they have to do this in brief while their love interest is sympathetic to them getting those injections is more interesting. Writing a character suffering from an illness that they need regular injections for, with their love interest comforting them? Interesting.

Falling Falling Stars is a unique fic in that Efnisien has no one before he meets Arden, except for Dr Gary and Gwyn. If you’re writing an FFS style fic, writing therapy sessions might be appropriate. It might be worth really thinking about the kind of fics you want to write, why you want to write therapy, how that will affect your pacing, etc.

If you’re still dead set on writing therapy sessions, then I have some suggestions re: writing more realistic/healthy therapy and how to find that knowledge yourself, and I don’t really know how to shorthand some of it:

1. Get books on therapy that are designed for the therapist. These are often expensive, but sometimes libraries stock them - and university libraries in particular will often have photocopy abilities (or you can just photograph the pages you need) because these books look at how sessions should be structured. Books with case studies are ideal, since they often show dialogue chains between the client and therapist. Books that obviously deal with the mental illnesses you’re planning on writing about are the most ideal.

2. With a view to this, learn about different therapeutic modalities (for example are you trying to write psychology or psychoanalysis or both? Are you writing social work? Are you writing cognitive behavioural therapy, dialectical behavioural therapy, expressive therapies, narrative therapy, transcendental therapy?) Be aware that different modalities have different session structures and learn what they are. Wikipedia is your friend, but your closest friend will be actually acquiring textbooks on the subject. This is a pretty significant financial barrier at times, I’ve been collecting books like this on psychology since like 1997.

3. Learn about your character’s mental instabilities that require them to go to a therapist and then look up the most recommended forms of therapy for your character’s specific issues. Will they suit your character? Why/why not? Will they have a therapist who realises and switches modality if it doesn’t suit? Or will they be lucky and find someone who helps them straight away?

4. All therapy sessions have a structure to them. And therapy often has a narrative arc through the course of therapy over many sessions. They should generally have the attempt at a beginning (greeting / setting up the problem to be discussed), middle (highlighting the source of conflict or inner conflict) and end (helping the client to focus on less stressful things, possible homework assigned, and potentially talking about future work/sessions). Learn this structure. Even if you’re not writing the whole session, you need to know where in the session you’re writing, beginning/middle/end will be different tonally. Structures will be different per therapeutic modality, and a therapist that knows many different modalities (like Dr Gary) will often be using slightly different structures each time depending on the character’s mood/issue.

5. In a healthy therapist/client relationship there will be the ability to discuss boundaries, grievances and the therapist won’t be revealing much about their personal life at all (unless anecdotally it’s super relevant and even then it will be deliberately vague). This is one of those things that will - in many cases - make for more boring sessions on the page, depending on the ‘client.’ For example, if you’re writing someone seeing a therapist for the first time, it might realistically take months or years before they start showing progress or trust. That’s not interesting (there’s a reason ‘therapy fiction’ isn’t a genre), so of course it’s tempting to shortcut into more dramatic moments.

I would say if you’re finding yourself leaning towards more cliched or dramatic forms of writing re: therapy, your writing brain may sense that the entire scene/s may not be suited to the story, and is trying to find a way to make them more interesting to yourself and the reader. If that’s not the case, then a lot more research is needed! It’s time to sink many hours into actually understanding what you’re trying to write. This doesn’t matter as much if you’re writing unrealistic or unhealthy therapy, but it’s 100% necessary when you’re trying to write healthier therapy depictions.***

Also a couple of sessions of experience is a start, but you might want to watch or find a way to watch more therapy sessions, because you’ve missed out on experiencing longer arcs, different modalities etc. (This is where my hands on experience with 19 therapists since 1995 is actually really helpful, lmao - I’ve had close to like 800~ sessions by now, with good and bad therapists; I cannot pretend that hasn’t given me a knowledge base that most people don’t share). You can still learn that stuff via research, MedCircle on Youtube is a good place to start, since it offers 30 minute snapshots on what CBT and DBT sessions will look like etc. and has some great playlists.

Most fics I’ve read don’t do a great job of depicting therapy, but the Babes!verse series by @rynfinity has probably some of the most realistic and still really interesting sessions I’ve read as an ongoing arc. The series is long, because it needs to be re: what it’s dealing with, but it’s great, and I definitely recommend looking at another example of how an author tackles these sorts of scenes. Out of the Mouths of Babes / The March of the Damned are the two intertwined series.

I apologise if this sounds discouraging overall, or daunting, but I just want to stress there’s a reason that I’m often not writing therapy in my writing, as anything more than the occasional scene with a non-therapist, or snapshots that are reflected on and that’s it. Falling Falling Stars is the exception to the rule, and unless you’re writing an exception to the rule as well, it’s really worth reflecting on the first six points I wrote - it’ll save you a fuckton of time and research. And if you go ahead with it, I wish you well! :D

*** Also disclaimer: But I still am writing very indulgent therapy that is not beholden to being either a 100% healthy or 100% realistic depiction. The fact is, real therapy sessions are pretty boring for observers except for maybe ten or twenty minutes in the middle at times.

(ETA: It’s just occurred to me that therapy fiction does exist, esp. in the mass media, but that it is - afaik - all unrealistic, dramatised or unhealthy. But if you want to watch a great show - I highly recommend In Treatment with Gabriel Byrne, just by aware that it is depicting, for the most part, unhealthy dynamics which are more character studies than anything).

#asks and answers #pia on writing #pia on psychology #it's even worth being away that clinical psychologists often frown on psychoanalysts #and psychoanalysts often frown on the rigidity of clinical psychology curriculums lol #dr gary works within both schools and is a bit of a rebel in that sense #anyway yeah like #even i was really wary of writing too much dr gary #and only really gave into it indulgently #when people revealed they were enjoying those scenes and dr gary himself #but like #i would hate him as a therapist #he's pushy and sometimes pretty impatient #even what i write re: therapy #is not necessarily a reflection on what a real life person would experience #in the same circumstances #Anonymous

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aj-anime-blog · 3 years

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Deca-Dence - Review!

Wooooo Deca-Dence!

Deca-Dence was a summer 2020 anime, and that’s when I originally watched it! I've watched it about a dozen times since, as it landed itself right on my roster of my favorite animes, if not my favorite of all time.

Deca-Dence is an original piece, so no manga source material (whaaat!) and comes from the genius brain of Yuzuru Tachikawa, the director of other fan-favorites like Mob Psycho 100 and Death Parade (a review for Death Parade is in the making!). Original mangas are such a hit-or-miss recently, and I think that this one got the bullseye!

What's our concept?: Set in the future, the world is now plagued by monsters known as Gadolls. In an attempt to keep humans safe from them, mobile fortress Deca-Dence was constructed, where Gears, who live near the top, fight the Gadolls, and Tankers, who live at the bottom, provide support from inside Deca-Dence. Our protag, Natsume, is a Tanker who wants to fight with the Gears, but her prosthetic arm keeps her out of battle. That is until she meets Kaburagi, an older Tanker who seems to know his way around fighting and might have more to him than he lets on.

It's gonna be hard to go through this without spoilers, but I promise that I'll keep it spoiler-free until the section at the bottom!

So overall, what do I think?: 10/10! I've already said it, but Deca-Dence is one of my favorite animes of all time, and it deserves the spot! It has incredible characters, a story that keeps you hooked even through twists and turns, and a pace that manages to cram so much plot into only 12 episodes without feeling overwhelming or rushed! Deca-Dence presents ideas that, at the surface, may seem overused or old, but spins them in such a way that they're completely original. It follows through with character relationships, making them worthwhile and fulfilling.

Let's start with the story this time!: 10/10!! It's going to be really hard to explain the beauty of Deca-Dence's plot without spoiling it, but I'm doing my best! I really do recommend just giving the show a try, though, as it's really worth it! (Don't just drop it after episode 2, like a lot of people did :( That's just judging it wayyy too early!!)

Deca-Dence has a story that's thrilling and new. Everything that happens builds off of itself in a way that's natural and smooth. The elements of the story, no matter how different they may seem, play their part and work together well. The show isn't predictable either - don't go in thinking that you know what's going to become of it. Each twist feels surprising and new without feeling like they're coming out of left field.

I won't say much more in fear of ruining it, but Deca-Dence's story holds up well, and with its strong cast of characters supporting it, it becomes absolutely suburb. I think a lot of people fell into this pit of seeing only the beginning and tossing it aside, but no matter how strange the concepts in it may be, they wind together to form something really unique!

So those characters, huh?: 11/10, I love them so much! I'm a character nerd through and through, and Deca-Dence sends my little character-obsessed heart wild. The protags, Natsume and Kaburagi, are both fascinating, have incredible development, and engage in a character dynamic that is so natural and well-written that I never doubted it.

To be honest, Natsume doesn't have a personality that's anything new. She's young, determined to a fault, naive, and a complete sweetheart. She wants to fight the Gadoll and she'll do anything to achieve that dream. She's not a natural at fighting but her motivation to do so makes her believable and relatable. She's looked down upon because of her prosthetic arm and forced into a job that she doesn't like, but she never gives up on her goals. Even though she's so simple, her interactions and energy make her lovable and a wonderful protagonist.

Kaburagi follows the washed-out warrior trope, as he's an older man assigned to clean-up duty who keeps to himself and never shows too much emotion. While this type of character can sometimes get annoying, the show gives Kaburagi enough time to show his real feelings and explain how he got to his position. This proper development keeps him down-to-Earth and shows him as even more flawed than Natsume. Kaburagi's motivation, which I can't explain for spoiler reasons, is entirely believable and explains perfectly why he decides to put up with Natsume, even though she's his polar opposite.

The relationship between the two characters is balanced and beautiful. It's given the proper time to grow, mature, and ends up being extremely worthwhile. Natsume relies on Kaburagi, as he sees the potential in her and continues to support her in ways no one else ever has, and Kaburagi understands that Natsume is everything that he's trying to rebel against. Their relationship is emotional, runs deep, and leaves you wishing that there was more of them to watch, even after the show has ended.

The villain! The villain. I cannot talk all that much about the villain at the risk of spoiling. He is evil. I really really hated him, and that is a very good thing because it means that he's well-written. His motivation makes sense, his actions make you want to strangle him, his design was really really good! He's not the most interesting thing in the show, as his character is really only there to move the story along, but not every villain needs to be incredibly deep for a show to be good.

Lastly, our supporting characters! While none of them are as wonderful as Natsume or Kaburagi, they're still interesting and hold their own. They play important parts in the show and all of their interactions with the main two feel natural. Their conflicts make sense, their resolutions feel well-earned, and their personalities are all unique! For a 12-episode anime, there's a larger cast of supporting characters than you would think, and nearly all of them are memorable and loveable.

Time to shut up about characters, what about the art?: 9/10, ooooh yes the art! Deca-Dence is gorgeous! It's animated by studio Nut (bwahahhaha), who haven't done that much else in the anime world. Still, for a relatively new studio, it's absolutely amazing! The characters all have unique looks that make them stand out and the fight scenes are to die for. They lose a point on the CG, since it's a little bit less than amazing, but again, for a new studio, it's definitely not the worst I've seen!! (Admittedly, I also don't like CG much at all, so I'm always harsh towards it when it's used).

Deca-Dence switches between two styles that vastly contradict each other, one which is a colorful, happy-go-lucky style, and one that's the more typical anime style. I'll speak more about them in the spoilers section, but they do a wonderful job at maintaining the tone of the show, as to not let it get too dark, and forming a clear divide between the events of the two parts.

Oh goshhh the Gadolls look so cool. I'm so obsessed with cool monsters in anime and woah they look awesome!! They're original, with cool designs that I haven't seen elsewhere. The show could've so easily slapped in some pretty typical-looking dragons or wolves or whatever, but they instead spent time on these epic creatures, and it's so worth it! It makes the setting that much more unique and allows it to stand out from other animes.

Surely there's a flaw in this anime? The pacing, maybe?: 9/10. Yeah, I would argue that the pacing is Deca-Dence's weakest point. Not that the pacing is particularly bad compared to other shows! I still think that, for a 12-episode anime, it does a wonderful job of fitting in a large amount of plot into only about 5 hours! But, at some points, parts felt rushed or confusing, as the show would zoom into them. I never felt like I was truly lost, though. Even if I did wish that there was a break from the action, I never found myself really thinking that the show was leaving me behind in the dust. It's not the kind of show that you can turn on and leave running while you multitask, though. Blink for too long and you might miss something important, which can ruin some of the hard-hitting twists that the anime works so hard to build up.

OK! Time for spoilers! I beg you, go watch the anime before you read past this, because it's totally worth it!!

Woahh episode 2 am I right?? I thought that I clicked into the wrong anime when I began it, it took such a wild turn, and so soon in the anime too. This is what I really mean when I talk about a show not being what it appears to be! Again, I really encourage you to watch it for yourself, but if you're that stubborn on reading this through before you turn it on:

Deca-Dence is not about the heart-wrenching battles between Gears and their desperate attempts to keep humanity alive, because Gears are just avatars for cyborgs! You see, there's a civilization of cyborg people who are living above the Earth, who log in to fight in mobile fortress Deca-Dence as a game. So the Gadolls are genetically grown as prey for the Gears and the entire story surrounding Deca-Dence's battles are scripted. Crazy right!? The best part: the Tankers aren't in on this at all. You heard me: Natsume and her human friends have no idea that Deca-Dence is staged.

From here, Deca-Dence has two distinct parts: we'll call them "Natsume's half" and "Kaburagi's half". Natsume's half refers to the mobile fortress, the Tankers who live unaware of the cyborgs, and the art style that premiered in the first episode. Kaburagi's half is the Solid Quake organization, the Gears who are avatars of the cyborgs, and the goofy, stylized art style with big lines and bright colors.

The twist and the diverging sides of the story set this show up as not your typical sci-fi anime, but as something a little deeper. The stakes are the same, as humanity is in just as much peril as it was before - it becomes abundantly clear that the Gears and cyborgs don't care about them - but the name of the game completely changes as you realize that our so-called "heroes" aren't really all that heroic, and there's a lot more going on.

Kaburagi is, of course, one of these cyborgs, cursed to live among the Tankers because of a mistake he made while playing as a Gear. Now, he's in charge of eliminating "bugs", or mistakes that the system finds. He's upset with his life, frustrated at what he's doing, and contemplating suicide. But when Natsume walks into his life, a little girl that the system considers legally dead, Kaburagi sees a chance to rebel, even the slightest, against the system. He's supposed to kill Natsume, but instead, he takes her under his wing, determined to protect what he's been instructed to eliminate. This development gives their relationship a deeper meaning, even if Natsume doesn't know it.

Deca-Dence does a wonderful job at showing the watchers both sides of the story but keeping Natsume's side in the dark. Even though we see scenes from Kaburagi's side, Natsume knows nothing about them. When Kaburagi leaves after Hugin kills his avatar, Nastume doesn't know where he's gone and has no reason to believe that he hasn't run away. There's no way she could guess that Kaburagi's new form - his weird orange Gear avatar - is the mentor that she once knew. And when Kaburagi, back in his original form, is killed in front of her, she really believes that he is dead. When Natsume finds out about the truth of the Gadolls - that the world she knows is fake - her horror is palpable and realistic, because there's no way she could've known any better.

Kaburagi's world has a goofy style to it, with the cyborgs looking cartoonish rather than realistic. While it might initially seem off-putting, I think that it ends up balancing the tone of the story much better. Consider the hellscape that is the reform facility that Kaburagi visits. Imagine how dark it would've been if it was not in a silly style! By keeping the style cuter rather than realistic, the show doesn't dip too far into dark and gritty, and I really liked it!

It also set up this harsh divide between Kabruagi's half, where things are easygoing, done for pleasure and fun, and not nearly as harsh as Natsume's world (Look at the name of the series! Decadence literally means living in excessive luxury!). Even when the cyborgs are in their Gear forms, which are drawn in Natsume's style, they're still a lot more colorful and vivid, showing that their lives aren't as harsh as that of the Tankers. The art styles reflect the differences between the two halves and give them both distinct tones and personalities!

& finally, let's take an in-depth look at one scene!: I had a really hard time picking what I thought summed up the series in a single scene. In the end, I think that Natsume and Kaburagi's discussion at the end of episode 7 was the best. Here, we see a culmination of a lot of the character development going on. Kaburagi, in this scene, is in a Gears avatar that Natsume doesn't recognize, meeting her for the first time since his normal avatar was killed. Natsume's been working with the Tankers to protect them from Gadolls that infiltrated the fortress, and she's motivated them all to rise up and fix the hole in the fortress themselves.

Kaburagi has encouraged Natsume to be a stronger person, even though she had to be independent and not rely on him any longer. His pessimistic view on the world - that they'll never defeat the Gadolls - has rubbed off on her, but it's only made her more determined to be stronger to stand up to them. In this scene, we see her breaking down as she considers that Kaburagi might be right, and that she'll never kill them all, but that she needs to continue fighting.

Though Kaburagi previously doubted Natsume and her endless determination, he now feels filled with the same motivation. Natsume has convinced him, time and time again, that he can't give up, and so he decides that he's willing to do anything to make sure that she never loses that hope. He wants her dreams to come true, and he knows that she can't accomplish them alone.

This perfectly shows the effects that they have on one another. Natsume is now stronger than she's ever been: independent, able to take down Gadolls on her own, and determined enough to patch up the hole that no one else thought could be fixed. Kaburagi, in stark contrast to his suicidal thoughts from episode two, is now completely devoted to make the world a safe place for Natsume. Their relationship has shaped one another into being the best versions of themselves, and this isn't even the end! They still complete their growth in the last few episodes, but I've rambled about them enough.

We're done!: That's my review of Deca-Dence! I really believe that it's one of the masterpiece animes in recent years, and I wish it got more attention. I'm sure that there's plenty of anime out there like this one - forgotten diamonds in the rough - that I'd love to dig up and fawn over. Tell me if you know any! Or, if you disagree with my review, tell me where you think I'm wrong!

#time to go rewatch deca-dence #writing about it has made me miss it so much #its sooooo good #please check it out #it's so worth it #studio nut #bwahahah #studio NUT #lmaoooo #please tell them to get a better name #deca-dence #anime #anime review #summer 2020

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lie---ability · 3 years

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for too many times in my life had i been wrong about people. so much that anyone who tries to have anything with me makes me anxious. i even get anxious about my upcoming job at Virus & Partners because new people = chances of any of them hurting me. i have been wrong about people so much that i think it's because i idealize them so much. i mean an example could be us hanging out everyday, do a lot of things together, stay out late together, ditch others for each other, chat each other right after being together the entire day, say i love you and get home safe — and i'd think we're best friends!!! only for her to say we never were. and that she never wanted to be close with someone like me. so it must be me, right? maybe i just fell in love with the thought that she's a great best friend. at the same time i think, no. she was a best friend, she did exist. that version of her existed. or at least did when it was convenient or beneficial to her, but when the time came where it wasn't, she threw me under the bus, become totally different from who i loved. who i proudly said was my best friend. all those months that built up my comfort, trust, attachment — ended up being told as a lie. and if it came from the person herself that they were lies, who am i to say she's just saying that for whatever reason? she said it herself. we weren't best friends even if she said it before. so what was the truth? was i just really stupid and idealistic? or are people just so awful now? it's like i'm this fish in a pond who's so easy to catch with just the right amount of treat. like i'd swim away when you approach but try a bit more and i'd fall for it. attachment issues suck, more so my abandonment issues.

but this post isn't about jodie. this is about my first boyfriend, rikko.

first because rj doesn't count, the fuck? that shit was a joke lol i just got a dose of reality at an early age. no love there at all. who even falls in love at 13? that shit illegal. so yes, rikko is my first boyfriend ♥️ and even though i've dated guys before, he's the only one i ever loved so far. i love him so much. in fact, before i was already starting to think that maybe i'm not capable of love? i mean, i'm aware i'm a mean person. but i didn't think of myself as someone incapable of falling in love. but among the guys i met and dated, ALL OF THEM WERE JUST TO FEED MY EGO. ego ego ego. tell me i'm pretty. keep asking me to go out and let me reject you over and over again. show me how much you wanna take me out on a date again. over and over and all of them were unintended! when i do talk to someone, a part of me tries! maybe this could work? but it kept ending the same way. ego food. which led me to think fuckkk i'm incapable of loving too? what am i here for then tfuck? — until i met rikko! and everything he did and said, i wanted more of it. the more he laughed, the more he cried, i wanted to keep seeing them, even if he laughs/cries for the same reasons over and over. i wanted the things he wanted. i wanted to like the shit he liked, and i did! i hated touch but i love being held by him. he was expressive too! like the other boys! but for some reason, it wasn't ego food. they became credit scores for me. each time he gets a point, it adds up to my reasons why this is it! why this is worth a try! and i struggled and fought hard. the commitment and daddy issues, the anxiety, the fear of abandonment, blah blah and he did and said the right things at the right time he went at the right places, gave the right gifts, promised the right things — all for him to turn out to be just like everybody else. he died months into my life. he couldn't keep up with the character he played, and idk why people keep playing a character on me. jodie played the supportive bff but really wanted to be some sort of main character which i think is rather difficult hence the hurtful betrayal. and then there's rikko, who played the boy i could ever want, but never was that person. he never was that person to his parents and friends, and i thought he would suddenly change for me? that's some boss level pick me girl shit. i love rikko, even now as i type this. i met him january 2020, it's july 29, 2021 today, and i love him so much. but i'm not sure if i should be with him anymore. on principle, morals, self-care, common sense, logic, religion. why? because he died. he died last january 2021. he's no longer the same rikko i fell for. his hands aren't the ones i fought myself to hold. he's not the same person who went all the way from paranaque to cainta for me at 8pm because my dad told me he almost had another baby with someone ON MY BIRTHDAY. he's not the same person i looked at up at Sm Aura thinking he could be the one. and that i belong here, with him. that i love being with him, and he could be other things, but i want to be with him. he didn't know it, but looking at him as he talked about his friends, those things ran in my head. it was the same rikko who got teary eyed when he misunderstood me there at the Sm Aura rooftop, thinking i meant that i was just playing him. the rikko who gave me a necklace for no reason, wore it on me and even had it in a totally unsuspecting case (tea bag) which made the surprise funnier and cuter, is... yep... no longer here. the rikko who kept reminding me i'm redeemable, that i'm not my anxieties, i'm not my bad brain, i'm not my small voice, that rikko is long gone. and still i stayed waiting, making excuses, reasoning out with myself, trusting that he'd come back and funny enough, 7 months in and... he's still gone.

the saddest part is he doesn't want to be like that. or so i think. he tries. i see him trying. i see the efforts. he tries to ask me about my day, about my worries, why i'm anxious, why i'm sad or irritated. he asks me about work, applications and when i'm out with friends or family. he tries to make time for me even now that he prefers valorant over ml with me, i know he tries to play ml with me. he tries to take some time off work to talk to me. he tries to post on social media now, shares my ig stories, joins my tiktoks and get along with my jokes. he tries. i know he does. but that's the thing. he has to try. and maybe those things, he just isn't. and the difference between trying and develop is with development, there is direction. there is progress. with rikko... it's unstable. sometimes he can do this, but the next times not so sure. and as someone anxious with rejection and abandonment issues, inconsistencies are okay, but a lot of them? and major ones? NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OF IT. so many things rikko doesn't know and still he has it in him to say or assume a lot of things about me. one of them is when he said i'm ALWAYS annoyed at him. does he know how many times i get annoyed at things he do? but i don't address all of them not because i don't want to but because i acknowledge that they're not worth the fight or i'm just being hotheaded or immature or maybe inconsiderate. i think first before i act on him because if i learned anything about rikko, emotions have to make sense! which is wrong in the first place but that's who i'm with! but at the times i can't help being tampo, annoyed, or upset, he finds it in him to tell me i'm a l w a y s annoyed? WHEN?!?! i even asked him when and i know he realized it but still he fell stubborn to his pride. does he also know that his gifts don't make me kilig anymore? they just relieve me at this point which is sad!!! fucking sad!!! why? for example, for my virtual college graduation i was getting anxious few days before because i'm worried he won't give me anything or do something for me which will surely trigger my ~neglected issues~ and if i do get triggered, instead of addressing and being there for me, instead of making it up to me, he'd get mad! he'd make me feel that i'm asking for so much, for the impossible, all while i see it happen to people. i see other dudes give their girlfriends things without occasion. i see them try to like the things their girlfriends like, even embarrassing ones that she posts on social media. i see men constantly expressing their love for their gfs, for the person they asked to commit to them. all while i have one who would call me demanding, needy and exhausting. imagine? lol i get anxious he won't fulfill me not because i'd get sad but because he'll get mad when i get upset. he'd make me feel awful and remind me of the reason why we should end. and i hate that. i'm fighting so hard to take it off my mind, i hate thinking that we're incompatible, unhappy and that we're just trying to revive this love we have for each other. that love really isn't enough, even for us. so when he got me this bouquet for graduation, i was 95% relieved and 5% kilig because awwwww but more importantly, I WON'T BE TAMPO WHICH MEANS I WON'T HAVE TO HIDE AND HE WON'T HAVE TO GET ANNOYED AT ME BEING UPSET! as i type this all the more i feel bad because it's so clear i shouldn't be with him anymore. it hurts each time it crosses my mind. i really see rikko as the love of my life. and idk why. because he shouldn't be. the love of your life should be someone who makes you laugh, makes you strong but can also let you cry. the love of your life is the one who holds you on your way out of dark times. the love of your life is the one who corrects you in ways that won't make you feel bad, but in ways that make you feel cared for. that he's telling you so out of concern, not because he thinks you're a difficult sick mental person who needs an on-call therapist and an attending nurse. the love of your life should be the person who makes you cry the least.

but he doesn't deserve it also. maybe he's not ready to be in a relationship just yet. and there was no harm in trying. in fact i'm happy he tried because if he hadn't added me on facebook and hit up on instagram, i would have never known what love was like. i would also have never known how fun and exciting it is to be in love. it's so nice actually! to lie down with someone and just know they'll be there when you wake up and even if you do wake up in the middle of the night, you're safe with them. and no matter what you look like in the morning or how loud you snore or how stretched you are in bed, you are loved by this person next to you. and they chose to sleep with you too. to be as vulnerable as you are. and i loved that with rikko. we sleep together, we wake up in between sleep just to look for each other's cheeks, we shower together, we do weird shower dances, we have secret baby things, and a lot more things that you would think from here on meant forever. because these things, how could you ever try them again with someone else? because from where i am right now I HATE THE THOUGHT OF THOSE WITH ANYONE WHO'S NOT RIKKO. but stay with him for what? for what at this point? i'm not God. i'm just an anxious person with daddy issues who has enough money hunger and dreams plus a mom, aunts and 1 friend who loves rikko so much. i can't change him. and i shouldn't.

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letterstothemidnightsociety · 3 years

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Previously On Supernatural Season 3, we had a really rock solid trio of episodes to kick us off right, so what does SPN do next? It’s gonna lay the groundwork for some spicy character development that may or may not pay off by the end of the season. Let's find out!

To be honest, I felt the next three episodes just sort of plateau? There’s enough nuggets in these three eps - “Sin City”, “Bedtime Stories”, and “Red Sky at Morning” - that it does feel like they’re setting up for something big but it’s taking too much time. If the season had been longer, I don’t know that I’d be complaining, because there’s SO much potential introduced with these character developments, but I know it’s gonna get cut off at the knees in the very near future. 2021 Me has been trained on what to expect from a short season, so half of my brain wants to give the show slack for Unexpected Circumstances, but the other half of my brain is shouting YOUR NOT DRIVING THE BUS FAST ENOUGH, YOU’LL NEVER MAKE IT TO THE END OF THE LINE IN TIME!!!

And that’s maybe unfair because there really are some great nuggets in here. We’ve got “Sin City”, which is Dean’s episode. I mean, they’re ALL Dean’s episode, but this one more so than the other two in this post. Dean gets trapped with a demon who turns out to be...kinda...nice? In kind of a Stockholm Syndromey way I guess? She let’s Dean in on the fate that awaits him when his year long contract is up and it is NOT great. This isn’t the first time we see that there’s more to the demons than SPN has shown us in the past (hello, Ruby), but it is the first time Dean chills out enough to actually have a conversation with one. Dean doesn’t really get it, like he’s still not interested in getting out of his deal, but the fear gets planted, it just needs some time to grow. Oh, also, the Colt Ex Machina is back in action, so that's important.

This dumb bitch thinks he can fool us with that devil-may-care side glance but he caaaan't

But then we get “Bedtime Stories”, the Sam episode, where Sam learns...to let go? That’s the point of this episode right? It’s about letting go of someone before that person becomes too toxic and dangerous? At least, that’s the lesson that Dean wants Sam to take away from this case. But Sam will NOT learn this lesson, so instead he tries to cancel Dean’s deal by killing the crossroads demon who wrote it. Spoiler Alert: it doesn't work.

And then we get “Red Sky At Morning”, which opens and closes with some heavy emotional baggage, but then is stuffed full of fun. Like, this episode ricochets wildly in terms of Feelings, but then that’s probably what we should expect from SPN. I mean, what show have I been watching for 3 seasons now?

Fun Facts guys: I’m a tired Millenial, and swapping DVD discs was too much work so I switched over to watching this season on Netflix and GUESS WHAT???? THESE EPISODES COME WITH A SUICIDE WARNING!?!?!

They're not wrong.

And like, if that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about this season I don’t know WHAT will. Cuz Dean is absolutely suicidal and I am surprised (??) I guess (???) by how much the show acknowledges that. Or I guess, surprised by how much Netflix acknowledges that. It’s something that I did not...pick up on the first go around on season 3, possibly because I was 19 and I was an idiot and found this sort of emotional vulnerability to be endearing. Listen, I know there’s a lot to be said about the producers of the show making...umm…poor decisions in regards to character developments? But if the target demographic of this show was anything like me - and I suspect they were - then the viewers were also...probably...responding inappropriately to some of those character developments. And here’s the thing - I’m looking at this from 12 years in the future, with 12 years worth of real life drama that makes the heavy handed melodrama of television feel...well, heavy handed. Maybe irresponsible? Certainly a little uncomfortable. Big Me is having A Time confronting Little Me’s taste in TV Characters. It’s one thing to have a kink, Little Me, it’s another thing to romanticize suicidal depression.

And hey, I can’t deny that the character development for Dean makes sense. I actually appreciate that the show is thinking through the world and the relationship dynamics that they’ve built and the toll that these misadventures are having on their main characters. These episodes all get bookended by Impala Fights where Sam keeps pushing Dean to give a shit about his own life and Dean responds with an inability to care. That’s just where he is right now, and I get that. We’re early in the season still. But how will the rest of the season handle this? I honestly can’t remember but I also don’t want this to be a throw-away issue that they use to remind us that Dean’s supposed to die at the end of the season. I’m prob gonna come back to this throughout the season because I ~just~want~this~show~to be~repsonsiblllllleeeeeeeeeeee.

Lol, I know, that’s a lot to ask from the CW.

ON TO MORE FUN THINGS!!

Sam is gettin’ reeeeeallll bitchy in these episodes and #1, I love it, Bitchy Sam 5Ever, but also #2, was this supposed to be the sign that Sam was going darkside? Like, he’s snarky, he’s angry, he’s not pulling any punches and that could just be him reacting to his brother’s situation but it could also be….you know...him...becoming slightly...evil? For instance in “Sin City”, he kills the two demons who kidnapped Dean without even thinking. On the one hand, this is the Winchester MO, they kill demons, that’s their job, but on the other hand, Dean is actively telling Sam to stop. Same deal in “Bed Time Stories” - Sam kills the crossroads demon in cold blood (or maybe viscera). Again, we could blame this on instinct - the Winchesters were brought up to do exactly this - but 1) Dean keeps telling Sam not to and 2) that’s not Sam. This show spent 2 seasons telling us that Sam is the Good Brother, the White Hat, the Touchy-Feely One. This is not the Touchy Feely Sam who reasons with ghosts and falls in love with werewolves. Like, everyone else sees it too, right? Also, he is usually very nice to everyone but he is a REAL BITCH to Gertrude in “Red Sky at Morning.” Like, come on, Sam, she just wants to have a nice time. She is OLD. You really think she’s got what it takes to climb that tree?

Honestly, how tall are this lady's heels?

I know that there was a plan for Sam to start Turning in this season before the show’s episode order got slashed due to the Writer’s Strike. And man, I really would have liked to have seen this play out. Like, first season Sam is the Innocent, right? He’s our stand in for the viewer in those first few episodes and then he’s revealed to be kind of the only thing that went right in the lives of both John and Dean, so Baby Must Be Protected at All Costs. The fact that John ultimately lets Sam go off to college and doesn’t contact him for the next four years says to me that on some level, John felt the need to preserve that innocence, that kind of untouched quality Sam has. Dean is very similar - whenever Sam gets too into the job, Dean calls him out on it. So in the second season when we find out that Sam might be evil, it’s a real punch in the gut, for Dean most of all. But then the show admittedly got bored with that storyline and it didn’t really go anywhere. So whereas Dean has personality in SPADES that fluctuates and changes and develops/maybe just gets more intense as the show goes on, Sam remains that kind of blank slate that the viewer can put their face on. Except now we’re in season three, and if you’ve bought into this show, then you’ve bought into it, so the audience doesn’t need a Blank Slate Sam anymore. And if you start with Sam the Innocent and then introduce the idea of Dark!Sam and then just leave that concept hanging, then isn’t this sort of like Checkov’s Evil Sam? If you introduce Evil Sam in the first act you really ought to deliver on Evil Sam by act three, right? Wouldn’t that have been A+ and Wild? Wouldn’t that have made Sam’s arc and emotional struggles over the previous seasons have more weight?

Will this be resolved in later seasons? Maybe. I’m gonna be honest, this is the last season I watched all the way through and seasons 4 through...like, 8 were real touch and go for me. I know that Sam ultimately is revealed to be a vessel for??? The devil??? And Dean is ultimately revealed to be a vessel for??? Michael??? And then the two of them???? Fight to the death???? Point is, season 5 got weird guys and I’m not there yet.

Back to more fun things! You know what guys?? I think I ship Dean and Bela. I’m...almost ashamed to admit it? Like, I remember Little Me watching this season and just dumping on Bela, I HATED her, but this time? I am 1,000% On Board This Ship. Like, there is an alternate universe somewhere where these two got a spinoff show that ran for 6 seasons and I watched EVERY episode. And then, like, 5 years after it ended, they rebooted it with Dean and Bela’s grown up daughter as the lead and the whole OG cast makes cameos over the three seasons it stays on the air and it’s amazing. I’d own both shows on DVD.

What I like about Bela this time around (and again, I am WILDLY surprised about this development), is that she can dish it just as hard as the Winchesters can. Like, every line Dean throws at her she holds up a mirror to say, “Oh yes, I know the Kettle is black, but what color are you, Pot?” and I’m just continually thrilled. She is also just as damaged as Dean is but somehow channeling it into a healthier way? Like, she’s true Chaotic Neutral, which is not necessarily healthy, it’s just healthier than Dean. Or maybe it’s just that she’s better at managing it. In either case, they are HOT MESSES and I love it. I just love it. I know I complained about shoehorned romances but Ackles and Lauren Cohan just totally crush it in every scene and when Dean walks down the stairs all She’s All That in “Red Sky at Morning”, I yelled at the screen OMG just BONE already!!!!! And then like, 5 seconds later, Bela literally says “We should really have angry sex,” and it was probably the most vindicating moment I’ve had on this ride so far.

I just think they're neat!

WHY did we cancel her? WHY?? I don’t want to believe it was the Wincest again, so I’m gonna pretend that it wasn’t, but it was definitely fans. According to Kripke, Bela gets the axe at the end of this season because of the fan hatred of her. Now, I’ve already admitted that I personally held a grudge, but good Lord, what was wrong with us, as a Fandom? To be fair to me (and all of us), would we have felt differently if we had not been introduced to Jo a mere season earlier?? I'm gonna say yes. Although I had misgivings about Jo the first episode we meet her, by the end of season 2 I was certainly on her side. Working through season 3, I am remembering that, when we were introduced to Bela, I was immediately FURIOUS because WTF, WHERE’S JO? SPN just introduced to her. They just settled on a love interest for Dean and the writer’s just got me on board with that. Now they’ve completely done away with both that character AND that dynamic and you want me to get on board this NEW thing? And be excited about it??? So I'm gonna blame the love-interest-whiplash, combined with the fact that Little Me related my own personal self more to Jo than to Bela, that made me hate Bela in the first place. When you look at how quickly the show abandoned one character to introduce another character, it makes sense why fans got mad, but I’m also mad that we continued to hate Bela when she turned out to be such an A+ Frenemy. It makes me want to shout at the writers through the time void COMMIT TO A FEMALE CHARACTER YOU JAGWEEDS.

What’s wild watching this show now is just how Male it was, especially considering its audience was already skewed heavily female by this point in the series. If you made this show today, I don’t know that you could do that. Today, there’s a real push for balanced, diverse casts in programming, especially in sci-fi/fantasy and young adult. I think if SPN had started in 2021, they would have introduced the Harvell’s or Bela up in season 1, and that introduction would have been much more intentional. The benefit of having a shorter episode count as the standard is that there’s less of the “throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks” approach. Looking at it from 2021, reading snippets of interviews from Kripke, that’s definitely what they’re doing with the side characters in these seasons and you can feel that in Jo and Bela. A shorter season means that the storytelling has to be tighter, it can’t wander, so every decision has to be a load-bearing decision. On the other hand, one of the down sides of having a shorter episode count is the exact same thing - less room to throw stuff, less room to experiment. Heck, Bobby was technically a character they threw at the wall and he didn’t just stick, he became a tentpole character of the series. The only side character that actually made it into the series finale even!

So how much room should we be giving our television programs? I think it depends on the show, honestly. I think you have to decide up front if you want space to experiment, or if you have one, tight, compact story line that’s gonna drive viewers from episode 1 right through the finale without giving them the chance to catch their breath. You have to make the decision, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop making one style of show in favor of the other. Just because we’re in the Age of Streaming doesn’t mean there isn’t room enough for both.

#Supernatural #Supernatural season 3 #Supernatural rewatch #Sin City #Bedtime Stories #Red Sky at Morning #Sam Winchester #Dean Winchester #Bobby Singer #Bela Talbot #TV #TV history #TV format

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ckret2 · 4 years

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Eddie’s like but does he LIKE us like us and Symby’s like he’s got fangs take a chance

Written for @symbruary Day 15, free day. So I decided to write a part 2 to the Venom/Morbius thing I wrote a few days ago, where Morbius is like, secretly into Venom. It was only fair that I demonstrate that Venom is secretly into Morbius too.

Also in canon Eddie always gets crushes on girls and the symbiote either quickly emotionally tags along or slowly emotionally tags along, so I thought it'd be nice if the symbiote got the crush and Eddie is the one who slowly emotionally tags along.

Bouncing wildly back and forth between giving the symbiote a brain-voice and just mixing its thoughts and Eddie’s together all willy-nilly in the narration is fun.

###

You like him, Eddie.

Eddie grumbled in acknowledgment.

Like him too.

Eddie grumbled louder.

They'd just finished having a midnight meal with Morbius, who'd invited them to visit Monster Metropolis—partially to give the symbiote another potential safe haven, but partially to socialize.

And as a consequence, Venom had spent the last hour sitting on the railing of a dark fire escape, pondering over the conversation, trying to figure out what kind of socialization Morbius was asking for.

They had concluded that they couldn't conclude what his exact intentions had been. It had all been rather ambiguous.

The symbiote was of the strong opinion that they should remove the ambiguity posthaste.

Should ask him out. The symbiote was basically vibrating with eagerness. On an emotional level. Not a physical one. A bunch of stretched out goo vibrating between Eddie's organs and atop his semi-dissolved skin would probably gently rattle apart the fire escape.

It was a lot more excited than Eddie would have expected over the thought of a date. "Dear... without checking my memories, what do you think a date that involves two humans would consist of?" He was somewhat concerned that it was picturing what their date nights were like.

The symbiote eagerly pushed over a pile of mental images. A relaxing moonlit walk through New York City's most crime-ridden streets, looking for wrongdoers to thwart. Splitting a romantic dinner for two—Morbius could have the blood and Venom could have the brains, so nobody would have to fight over the good bits. Pressing their mouths together and demonstrating the deadly-dangerous razor-sharpness of their fangs on each other's lips and tongues.

Venom's (admittedly already rather vacant) gaze went totally blank. "Okay. That's actually pretty nice."

And while they were going on the moonlit walk the symbiote could stretch over both of their hands and connect their thoughts. They could feel each other's feelings, wouldn't even have to speak. Very romantic.

"Hmm..."

They could ask if Morbius was interested in doing what Eddie called the Weird Stuff.

Venom almost fell off the railing.

It would be even weirder with a third person!

"Maybe save the Weird Stuff for the second date," Venom mumbled. The symbiote's interest was surprising to Eddie. Typically it more or less jumped on board with Eddie's attraction, even if wasn't always easy to untangle that way. But it liked Morbius itself?

Like him better than Beck or Anne.

Ouch. Well, the memories of both those relationships put a firm stop to Eddie's Weird Stuff thoughts.

Sorry.

Why was the symbiote so interested in Morbius? Not that it shouldn't be—and not that Eddie wasn't, too—but it was unusual for Eddie to be the one following the symbiote's lead. It was typically slower than Eddie to show attraction outside of that-would-make-a-nice-host attraction. (The symbiote was mildly alarmed to discover Eddie recognized when it was doing that. Eddie pointed out that it was hard not to notice when the symbiote was making eyes at someone with a cozy-looking rib cage when it was using Eddie's eyes.) So why was it so interested in Morbius?

Because Venom looked normal to Morbius. Because Morbius understood what it was like to have a hunger he needed to control in order to fit into society and that made other humans fear him. Because Morbius looked at the symbiote—the symbiote, independent from its host, independent from anyone else—as a monster, but to Morbius "monstrosity" didn't mean it needed to be contained and controlled, but sheltered and protected.

"Of course," Venom said quietly. Of course. Not that Eddie hadn't noticed and appreciated those things, but... he hadn't quite realized how rare they were. And they were rare. Weren't they?

Plus his fangs were hot.

A grin stretched across Venom's face. "His teeth aren't quite as impressive as ours," they said, "but they are cute."

Cute. Not a thought Eddie would have expected out of himself, once upon a time. To think, the first time he'd gotten married he'd thought he was straight. It wasn't until the second time he got married that he realized how... how small and arbitrary and meaningless the narrow boundaries he'd once lived in were when it came to love. It had taken falling in love with someone with no shape and no gender before he had gradually been able to look past the shapes and genders humans came in.

He still sometimes wondered whether his other had helped him realize something—something latent, or something suppressed perhaps—within his own psyche; or if its influence had changed him somehow, rewritten something in his mind to view other humans more like the way the symbiote viewed them, the same way it minutely changed his body chemistry.

Didn't rewrite your mind! The symbiote paused. Probably. Not on purpose. Never tried to.

If it had, wanting to kiss a vampire wasn't the strangest urge the symbiote had accidentally given him.

Some small part of Eddie still saw those separate categories of humans that were arbitrary to the symbiote; women still caught his attention more frequently than men. Maybe that was another reason why, this one time, his own interest had developed more slowly than the symbiote's.

But it had developed?

"Yes," Venom said. "We both like him."

So ask him out!

"We don't know if he likes us."

We'll find out when we ask him!

"But if he doesn't—"

"Buddy," said a man leaning out a window onto the fire escape, "you've been talking yourself in circles over this guy for an hour. Either go ask him out or go brood somewhere else so I can sleep, will ya?"

Venom started, getting off the railing to stand on the fire escape properly. "Uh. Sure."

"This neighborhood, I swear..." The man slammed his window shut.

Venom shot a web line across the street and swung away. Okay. They'd ask him. At some point. Once they thought up an appropriate approach.

But first, they'd see how this visit to Monster Metropolis went.

###

Crossposted to AO3, link in my description. (If you're on mobile, you've gotta go down to the ask/submit/etc links and scroll sideways to reach it.) If you enjoyed the fic, I'd appreciate a reblog or comment!

#venom #symbiote #venom symbiote #eddie brock #morbius #symbruary #fanfic #my writing

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