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#of course this realization makes me feel very bad for my mom because like. i get it.
suttttton · 2 years
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me 🤝 my mom undiagnosed anxiety disorders
#the older i get the clearer it becomes that me and my mom catastrophize about things very similarly#difference is i found healthy coping mechanisms while my mom found homophobic death cult evangelical christianity#of course this realization makes me feel very bad for my mom because like. i get it.#she tells me that she worries about me and i know she doesn't mean the normal way moms worry about their kids i know she actually means#that she has a creeping suspicion that my life choices are going to send me to hell and she feels powerless to stop it#and her brain will not let her think about anything else so 24/7 its just alarms blaring#and because she's constructed her entire belief system around having anxiety she's like. this fear i feel is a message from god.#and i have no idea how to help her#like????#she's literally believed these things fro her entire life giving them up feels like the end of the world#and her WHOLE FAMILY is there with her so even if she could realize she'd be happier without these beliefs#she'd immediately have a dozen trusted voices telling her no actually. your anxiety is correct and you're right to afraid all the time#for awhile when i was like. 18-19. the major question i had about my childhood was WHY didn't my mom never take me to therapy#because yeah okay she came from a culture where therapy isn't trusted and god is supposed to fix all your mental illnesses#but she read all the parenting books and universally took experts' advice over what she'd learned from her own parents#(because she knew her parents hadn't done a great job and didn't want to repeat their mistakes)#and she KNEW i was REALLY bad. i was crying all the time having her drive me to the bookstore to get books i thought might help#sending myself into anxious spirals if anyone mentioned death around me#not a fun time in my life or her life#and she DID take me to talk to my pediatrician about it so like??? why did we never see a therapist???#i was 9 i though there was just nothing that could be done but????????#but now i realize that what happened to me back then didn't really scan in my mother's head as something wrong with me#because she was the same way#:/
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DPXDC prompt. Dead on main. Someone who knows you better than you know yourself.
Perhaps Fentons are not able to recognize their child, despite the fact that they hunt him day after day. But for childhood friends, who saw each other in absolutely ridiculous situations that parents are never allowed to know about, just one sneeze and a bored sigh is enough to realize that this weirdo fighting next to him is the same guy with whom you tasted soap and then stood looking at each other from different corners and giggling.
And so, the dialogue after the battle with the creatures of Infinite Realms, to which Constantine had to invite a potential ally not yet approved by the League:
Phantom: Well, mom always said you were bad news...But a crime lord, seriously? What happened to your plans to become a literature teacher? Red Hood: Hey! For Gotham, this is a very high-paying in-demand job. And I don't want to hear anything from Casper. At least I have my own business. What kind of part-time job do you have? Are you selling sheets to your buddies from this green goo? Phantom: This is ectoplasm. And they're not my friends, and anyway… Constantine: King Phantom, do you know Red Hood? Phantom: Do I know him? Ha! This street rat was Splinter of my beginnings until my family moved out of Gotham.
Red Hood: Wait, wait a minute. Phah...Holy shit. I thought I was the best example of what it means to be a disappointment to a family, but you beat me here. Oh, man, only you...The ghost king who is the son of the ghost hunters? Seriously? Hahah! I thought your rebellious phase ended the moment you told your father that you wanted to be an astronaut and not inherit the family business.
Danny*groans and covers his face with his hands*: My life is over.
Red Hood: Literally~ No, of course I always knew that your parents' disregard for safety in the laboratory would someday kill someone, but I didn't really expect this? Like, wow… Phantom: What makes you think it was an incident in the lab? I mean, there are so many possibilities around. It's ridiculous and…hah Red Hood: Dude, look me straight in the face and tell me I'm wrong if you dare. Phantom:…Fuck you, stupid bookworm. Red Hood: Stubborn nerd. Phantom: Red bucket! Red Hood: Pale toadstool! Nightwing: Um, can you guys please stop fighting? Red Hood: What are you talking about? This is how we always communicate. Phantom: Yeah! Well, in our defense, my sister always thought we both could use a therapist. Oh, man, he made me lose my train of thought. Where were we, J? Red Hood: Since when are you able to think? And I complimented your new hair and skin color. Phantom: Right, right… But, hey, not all of my parents' hypotheses really have a right to exist, and you know it! Hm, did I mention that you're built like a fridge and how does this leather jacket suit you? Red Hood: I believe not. And who's talking about your parents' work? You were an airhead when you were alive too to be honest. And as I see it, not much has changed. Why the hell are you still starting a fight with puns? Stop telling your opponent your position. This is terribly stupid! Phantom: Oh, please, these ghosts are definitely not a threat to me. What's wrong with having a little fun? The fact that you don't have weapons to handle something stronger than a blob ghost is your problem not mine, loser. But let's get back to our greetings. Red Hood: Sure. Then listen here…
~~~~~
Nightwing: Jay, why didn't you say right away that you knew Phantom? We've wasted so much time wondering if it's worth summoning him, and you just stood there and said nothing. Red Hood: Pfff…Because I didn't know that until today. He used to be human. And we haven't seen each other for a long time. So how was I to know that he would take such a ridiculous pseudonym? Nightwing: Then why the hell didn't you feel worried about teasing this creature? Red Hood: Why should I? It's just Danny.
~~~~
Tucker: Oh man, 84 murders, attempts to kill Joker and to much fights with Batman and Black Mask and… Danny: Yeah, yeah. It's all very interesting, but it's not what I asked you to find. Get to the point, Tucker. What I will wear to our dinner tonight depends on this. Tucker: Seriously? As far as I'm concerned, whether he's single or not is less important than all this shit. Aren't you afraid to show up at his house? Danny: I'm invited. And for that matter, I'm Amity Park's former public enemy number one. Which one of us should be worried, hah? So he's not dating anyone, right? Don't try to distract me. Tucker: Dude! Danny: Ugh, in my experience, when he acts like he's lost his mind, he usually has good reasons for it. And if not, given some of the events of my alternative future, I have no right to judge him, so…
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littlemarianah · 28 days
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Okay, just a crazy headcannon about death
Peeta dies very young. At 67 years old.
In the early 60s he began to occasionally leave the door open. Forgetting bread in the oven until it turns to ash. Forgetting Katniss's birthday. He even forgot to take his medicine, which he was always so precise about.
Katniss always denied it. "He's just old... He's just tired..." she used to say. Until in a hot summer, Peeta asked her if the reaping was coming. She didn't believe it, She thought he was just playing with her.
Then Peeta started complaining that the kitchen table couldn't get dirty. "You know my mom doesn't like that." he said. But his mother had been dead for 40 years. Every time they walked down the street he asked Katniss where the old Mellark's bakery was.
"The bombs, dear. Do you remember?” Katniss said.
"Oh, of course, the bombs..." Peeta murmured, pretending to remember.
Katniss wished every day that he would only forget the bad things, but he was slowly forgetting only what she wanted him to remember. He forgot how Willow liked to sleep on his chest when she was a baby and how Rye liked to eat bread dough.
Sometimes he just had a scared, confused look. He whispered in one of his children's ears: "Don't trust Katniss, she's trying to kill me." Other times he would cling to Katnis and beg her not to leave him. And he asked a million times if she really loved him. He asked if she was hungry, he asked if Willow was already sleeping in her crib, he asked if Katniss wanted to leave the bakery closed tomorrow because he was feeling so tired.
"Of course my love. Let's keep the bakery closed tomorrow." she responded with tears in her eyes, knowing that they hadn't opened a bakery in at least 10 years.
At least at night, Katniss was still able to sleep on Peeta's chest, and if she had nightmares, he would squeeze it and say. "I'm here, Katniss. It's jsut a dream." He continued to care for her until the end. He kept asking her to stop crying, that he was okay.
When they were young he had promised her that he would only die when she was already dead, not to make her suffer. But it was not the case. In the end, he seemed to realize he was about to go. There were some lucid moments. He pulled Katniss close and begged her, whimpering.
"Promise me that you will live for more many many years..."
"I promise." she said.
Then Peeta is gone, but his clothes are still in the closet, his cane in place in case he wants to come back. Katniss wishes she had gone crazy, but she remains completely sane. Every day, she wake up and knew exactly where she was and what had happened. Her only moments of madness were when her youngest son entered the room, tall and with blond hair. She almost exploded with happiness until realized that it was Rye and not Peeta.
She lived many years as he wanted, but she did not live the way he would have liked. It was a good thing their children were already grown up because she didn't have the strength to do anything other than eat and sleep.
After Peeta died she stopped having nightmares and started having dreams. A warm house, smelling like bread, with a Peeta who never went to games waiting for her. She began to find comfort in the fact that he didn't had to see her die. Being happy that at least it was his body that decided to get sick and die, not being forced to go. She found comfort in what she could until death took her to him again.
Many years later, when her grandchildren are reunited, she tells him an old story. About a hungry orphan girl and a baker boy with a loaf of bread in his hands.
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f1version · 5 months
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SANTA DOESN’T KNOW YOU LIKE I DO ‧͙*̩̩͙❅ MSC47
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pairing: Mick Schumacher x reader ( she/her )
summary: Mick and you have been best friends for years, been through the good and bad, but feelings change and thoughts spiral. Will this holiday time make both of you realize that you could be the one?
warnings/info: fluff, best friends to lovers, miscommunication (they’re avoiding each other), kissing, a bit of anxiety, a try-to hallmark movie my way through fics. 
word count: 2.1k words
note: inspired on sabrina carpenter’s song! hope you like it, have a good day and happy holidays! 
snowglobe, a holiday special
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DECEMBER 20, 2023
It’s cold outside; snow is falling everywhere but not with enough force to block the streets or close the stores. Usually, when the weather looks like this, you would call Mick and bake those cookies he loves. He would put on his ‘Emotional Support’ apron and pretend to help. You would tease him about how he never does anything, just there to eat, and he would laugh, eyes lighten up, and say something along the lines of—I just passed you the flour! or whatever ingredient he helped you grab from the shelf ten minutes back.
Sometimes you wonder how you ended up in this place, so desperately in love with your best friend, with butterflies in your stomach when he hugs you, a silly smile on your face when he tells some awful joke, and an enormous fear of telling him, sort of. It doesn’t matter; that won't stop you from baking cookies on such a pretty snowy day.
You: Wanna come over? I’m making cookies
Mick: Very busy right now
Mick: Just do them without me
You: that's alright
Here’s the thing: Mick’s been acting as cold as snow since the last time you saw each other a week ago. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, not that you are aware of; you were watching Hallmark movies together, and he decided to leave abruptly before the movie ended. Maybe it’s just an emergency, he said, but he’s been running away from you for days, your friends confused over the whole thing. 
You wonder if he’s noticed. Lately, your friends have spent a lot of time telling you how obvious it looks—shiny eyes paired with a never-ending smile. They have also suggested it’s mutual, which you hope because all you've wanted to do before your family's Christmas party is to confess, but who knows, maybe you’ve all been watching too many movies.
DECEMBER 22, 2023
“Are you sure you didn’t do anything to make him mad?” Alicia, your best friend, asks. She came in to leave some decorations for the party on Sunday, but one life update lent to another and of course, the Mick situation came up.
“It doesn't even seem like he’s mad at me,” You say because it’s true, you’ve known Mick long enough to know how he acts when mad,  “he’s just ignoring me.”
She sighs. “Then why don’t you ask him what’s wrong?” 
You’ve asked yourself that a couple of times, but the answer is still not clear, usually is as easy as walking down the street to his house but this time the thought overwhelms you. “Because I'm scared?” You answer, out of breath. “I don't know. I’m focusing on the party, especially because Mom doesn’t come back until tomorrow evening.”
“Honestly, my suggestion is for you to ask him before the party.” 
You sigh, knowing she’s right. The Christmas party is a tradition your families started eleven years ago, after Alicia, Gina, Esteban, Mick, and you decided to become inseparable at one of Mick’s birthday parties. This year it will be hosted at your family home, and with your mom away in Germany for a work conference, you’ve had your friends come around and help. They’ve all shown up but Mick. What the hell is his problem?
“I know Ali but,” Your phone starts ringing, Mickey is displayed on your screen with a picture of Mick carrying Angie. Alicia rolls her eyes and encourages you to take it with her head. “Hello?” 
“Hi. I'm panicking a bit,” he says, the background noise lets you know he's in his car. 
“Why?” You ask, forgetting you were having a crisis on this. “Is everything okay?”
He sighs. “It’s embarrassing, but I have no idea what to get your mom,” he says, and you laugh. Last year, you were having this exact crisis about Corinna.
You hum, thinking, “She wanted new pedals for her bike. Loved some she saw in Bike World; you’ll have to drive a bit, but I’ll send you the pic.” You put your phone away, change the call to speaker, and open messages, sending the picture your mom sent you a month ago. “There you go.”
“You are a lifesaver.”
You smile, letting out a laugh. “I know, idiot.”
“Bye, love you,” he says. Your calls always end like this; it’s a habit, so you mutter Love you back and hang up.
Alicia is staring at you, a grin on her red lips. “I hate both of you,” and she laughs, grabbing her keys and purse, about to leave. You’re somehow dumbfounded. 
“What?”
“Bye, love you. Love you,” she mimics, and you feel heat rise up your cheeks. “You guys really need to talk; I’m done dealing with him too.”
“What? Ali, it’s a ha-”
“I’m coming back at six”
“Alicia!”
“Just ask him!” She closes de door before you can even ask her to come back.
DECEMBER 24, 2023
Needless to say, you didn’t talk with Mick on the 23rd. Too busy dealing with the party and, as Esteban said, too busy avoiding the topic. 
Now it’s 7 p.m., warm lights tint the house while friends and family sway along the music in the background. Mick has been around since ten in the morning, bringing presents, a couple of ingredients that your mom was missing, and decorations, which he then helped put together. Now he’s just in full black attire, wine in hand, singing along to the song playing. Once again, you're too busy in your world to notice him approaching you.
“You always know which songs to play,” he says. Because he knows it’s your playlist reproducing. You know that’s one of his favorite songs.
“I try my best. But I also know it’s one of your favorites,” you answer, and he hums. There’s a void between you, one that hasn't been there before. It's not the tension when you fight or the longing when you're upset; it's not the excitement of seeing each other after months of traveling or the mischief when you prank your friends. It’s different—something that has been building itself for months—and you are too oblivious to understand what it is.
“You look beautiful,” Mick says, not looking at you but at his drink. He’s looked at you enough tonight, he thinks. You look up, suddenly feeling an outrageous urge to kiss him. Try and see if that’s the answer to all your questions.
He’s faster though, clears his throat, and says, “I’m going for more cookies.”
And he leaves. Your eyes stay on his back as he takes one cookie from the snack table. See him hum to the taste. You smile, bittersweet, What is going on, Mick? You want to shout at him, tell him in a million different ways how confusing all of this is, but that’s a talk for tomorrow; you’ve decided, you can't escape it any longer then.
"Shatz,” Someone calls and then says your name.
“Hm, yes, mom?” You ask, and it’s time to eat.
[ 10 minutes later ]
You are in the middle of dinner, or gossiping time, as Gina calls it, when Aunt Adelaide starts asking each one of you—the single, young members of the family and friends—about relationships. It’s not your favorite part, but a lot of fun commentary comes out of it.
Hearing your name, you know it's your turn. “Do you have anyone special yet? Maybe a secret boyfriend you don't want to tell us about?"
You laugh, “No, no. But I hope someone comes along this year.” First, you have to get over Mick, you think, and laugh a bit more.
“I have a neighbor I could introduce you to, dear. He’s a lovely young man.” She always has someone to present you to; it’s surprising. You try to go on dates with them, but they never end up working.
“I’ll think about it.” You say this as the loud sound of silver hitting the floor calls everyone’s attention.
Mick abruptly stands up. “I’m sorry,” he says as he picks up his fallen fork. He looks uncomfortable, like he’s had enough of the food, the music, or the topic. “Excuse me, I’m going for another one.”
The table has fallen silent. Aunt Adelaide is looking at you in amusement, a playful grin on her face. Someone nudges your shoulder, and you know it’s Alicia. Her eyes stand on a strange middle ground between confused and knowing, tilting her head in encouragement, like she always does. You also stand up, not so abruptly, but now everyone looks at you expectantly. “I’m going. Excuse me.”
You follow Mick to the kitchen; thankfully, it's far enough from the dining room that no one will bother.
“Mick?” You call once you’re there. His head is on his hands, and he is murmuring inaudible words to himself. "Mick, what is going on?"
He looks up, his hair messy. He’s overthinking, and you don't know what to do. You feel lost looking at him, far away from his thoughts and feelings. “What do you mean? Everything is alright.”
“You don’t look alright,” you say, shaking your head. “You’ve been acting strange.”
“No, I haven't. We’re alright,” he lies once again, picking on his thumbs.
You sigh, knowing this is when you talk about it—no script, no thinking, just questions and hope for answers. Whatever is budging him has his anxiety running in full force. “No, you’re not, and we're not; I have no idea what just happened, and you're acting as if you barely know me."
He takes a deep breath, runs his fingers through his hair, and looks at you with his deep blue eyes. You see questions being asked but don’t understand how to answer them. “It’s nothing; I'm just. It’s hard to explain; you won't understand.”
“I will try to understand then, like I always do.” You promise, taking two steps forward, close enough to reach out and hold him, "Just please talk to me."
“I don’t want to mess things up between us,” he says, sounding afraid. It reminds you of the time sixteen-year-old Mick broke your favorite perfume by accident. He didn’t want to tell you, too afraid you would stop talking to him. You really hope he didn’t break anything, material or not.
“You won't. I will be here for you.”
“I just want,” he stops himself once again. His eyes never leave yours, so you open yours a bit, waiting, listening to whatever he has to say, and it seems to work because he just says, “You."
“What?” You blank, not knowing what to say or do, not knowing if you understood correctly or if it’s the movie's effect once again. You see the exact moment in which he panics.
“No, fuck. I’m sorry, I.” He looks everywhere but your eyes, searching for an exit. Your first instinct is to grab his hand, keeping him where he is.
“I could,” you say slowly, looking at your now-intertwined hands. “I could be misunderstanding all of this, but, Mick,” you say, looking at him. He’s looking back, hope in his gorgeous sky blue eyes. “I like you, but no, not even. Mick, I’m so in love with you it hurts. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while, but then you disappeared. You didn’t want to see me; you were acting different, and I got so worried, but I think...”
“That we are both idiots,” he says, a small smirk growing on his lips.
“Yes, yes, we are.”
He smiles and brings his free hand to your cheek, says your name like it’s meant for him to say forever. “I’m in love with you too, so much. I got so scared when I realized that I didn't just like you, that I couldn’t hide it anymore. And then our friends started saying how obvious I was being.”
“Same here,” you say, laughing. He moves his hand, pulling you in for a warm hug. It feels different than any other you’ve shared; the last two pieces of a puzzle you’ve been building together, finally finding their place. It’s a breath of fresh air. Mick’s hands are all around you, softly caressing your back, his head buried in your neck, leaving a small peck before distancing himself enough so he can see your face. You want to ask if it's appropriate to kiss him now.
But he's the first to talk. “Quick question."
“Shoot."
“Do I need a mistletoe to kiss you?” He asks, and you laugh loudly. Shake your head in embarrassment. Oh, how you love this man.
“As much as I enjoy the tradition, all you, Mick Schumacher, have to do is ask,” and now it's his turn to laugh, brings you closer while doing so.
“Can I please kiss you?"
You pretend to think about it and decide to tease him a little bit: “Is that what you asked for Christmas?"
“It’s the exact thing I asked Santa Claus for."
“Then merry Christmas, Mick.”
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taglist — @smartstupyd @ziarah . . . add yourself here
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You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.
half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.
so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff
SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-
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but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.
and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.
theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.
elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling
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like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be
and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.
and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.
“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”
and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me
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and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave
because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.
and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.
and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.
and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO
elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.
and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.
and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.
but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.
so now comes this.
because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.
and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.
anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman
sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !
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sha-n-dowbannedlol · 1 month
Text
Jotaro Kujo — kakyoin's amusement
cw: nothing rlly, jotaro kujo is bad at feelings tag
an: inspired by that tiktok audio of when he sees me lol
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Always being on the move with barely any breaks and with enemies at every turn has left Kakyoin with little to no entertainment. Of course, he doesn't mind, even if he's already starting to miss his NES.
Fortunately for the red-head teenager, it seems that the Gods have heard his prayers and have blessed him with a new source of entertainment, exclusive front-row seats that only he is the audience of, said entertainment being the hidden feelings between you and Jotaro.
Well, it's not really hidden—you're both aware of your feelings, just not each other's. And being the only other teenager left, the two of you ran to Kakyoin to rant about your feelings. 
And just the admissions alone was already absolutely amusing.
You were the first to admit your feelings. 
It was still early on the journey, and Kakyoin was tasked to retrieve tickets with Jotaro, but he found that the teen had already gone on without him. Shrugging it off, Kakyoin opted to enjoy his stay and make the most of the hotel amenities instead. 
He found himself in the pool area, and much to his surprise, he caught you in one of the beach chairs on the poolside. Feeling his eyes on you, you wave him over, and he approaches you to sit on the beach chair adjacent to yours. 
It was quiet, and Kakyoin racked his brain for anything to say. Eventually, he opens up the conversation with one of the obscure facts he knows off the top of his head. 
Thankfully, you responded in kind, and the conversation flowed easily from there. Your conversation bounced from one thing to another before eventually, the both of you settled in comfortable silence while laying back on your respective beach chairs. 
It was a bit sudden for Kakyoin, but he'd be lying if he said he was surprised when you suddenly admitted it. 
"I think I like him...." You spoke, suddenly breaking the silence between you and the red-headed teen. Kakyoin glances at you, and he can see you feeling a bit embarrassed to say it out loud. 
"Hm..." Kakyoin hums in response before adding with a noticeable teasing lilt in his voice. "Who? Polnareff?"
"Yes, of course. Because I want a grown man." You respond sarcastically, rolling your eyes as you look at him, watching his lips turn up to an amused smirk. "I'm talking about Mr. Joestar, obviously."
"Right, my mistake." Kakyoin matched your energy, the both of you sharing a chuckle, before he turns to look at you, meeting your gaze. 
"So, Jotaro, huh?" 
Kakyoin's smirk widens at the sudden smitten look on your face just from the mention of the name, and he's 99% positive that you don't even realize it. 
"Yeah..." You sigh, one that reminds him of a hopeless romantic protagonist of romcoms he's seen his parents watch before. "I mean, can you blame me? Going through all these troubles just for his mom? How he jumped to save that kid without hesitation? And that face of his isn't helping."
"Honestly? I can't say I'm surprised." Kakyoin responds to your small rant, his voice soft and comforting. He sees your lips part, looking at him in slight panic, and he cuts you off before you can even speak. 
"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."
"Thanks, Kakyoin."
"Mhm. Thank you for trusting me with this."
On the other hand, it took Jotaro quite a while before he admitted it—both to himself and to his friend. 
After a long day of fighting the menace that was Steely Dan and a long day of traveling, they ended up in another hotel. As usual, Jotaro and Kakyoin ended up sharing a room, and you ended up getting separated from them with your very own room. 
It was a really long day for both teenagers; both were drained and worn out, with Kakyoin mentally exhausted from exerting the effort to manifest his stand in a much smaller form and Jotaro both mentally and physically drained after all the beating he took earlier in the day. 
"I should've beaten him up more." Jotaro groans from his bed, making Kakyoin turn to look at him, a brow raised. 
"Steely Dan? You ended up hating him that much?" Kakyoin responds before leaning on his elbows, still lying on the bed. "How bad are the things he did to you when we left you with him?"
"That's not the issue. I've already made him pay for what he did to me." Jotaro responds, before shooting up from his bed, removing his hat, and placing it on the shared nightstand between their beds, running a hand through his hair. 
"But...." Jotaro trails off, and Kakyoin sits up on his bed as well, raising his brow even more. 
Jotaro grumbled something under his breath, and Kakyoin could swear he heard your name amongst the words the other teen grumbled. 
Kakyoin repeats your name, and Jotaro faces Kakyoin, his gaze hardened. 
"What about them?" Kakyoin asks curiously. 
"I can't easily forgive him for the shit he did to them."
Kakyoin is quite surprised by his words and how genuine they sound. His gaze darts to his friend's face, his scowl deeper than usual, a vein almost popping on his temple. Jotaro's exhaustion must be making him slip his composure, his emotions taking hold of his exhausted mind. 
"What did he do?" 
"He grabbed them. Right. in front. of. me." Jotaro scowls, his jaw clenched tightly. "Grabbed onto their arm so tightly like they were his."
Kakyoin blinks at that, his eyes widening slightly. No.. that expression on Jotaro's face.. it wasn't annoyance. Not completely...
"Held their chin to make them look at him. His face was so damn close to theirs, I would've punched him right then and there if it wasn't for the old man."
Definitely not annoyance. It's jealousy.
"I could feel Star Platinum just about ready to make him regret being born, and I had to actively hold him back." Jotaro finishes his mini-rant with a deep, annoyed sigh, his eyes darting over to look at Kakyoin. 
It was Jotaro's turn to look confused at the amused grin on Kakyoin's face, a knowing look in his lavender gaze, making Jotaro's brows scrunch in confusion as he looks at his friend. 
"The hell are you smiling about?" Jotaro asks bluntly with a deep scowl, "Didn't you hear a thing I just said?"
"I think you're the one who didn't hear what you just said, Jotaro." Kakyoin responds amusedly, his grin not faltering even under the scrutinizing gaze of Jotaro Kujo. 
"What are you blabbering about?"
"Think back to your words, Jotaro. You're not stupid."
Jotaro paused for a while, running a hand through his already messy hair at his friend's cryptic behavior. He was already exhausted and pissed off; he didn't need any more of Kakyoin's bullshit—still, curiously, Jotaro did as he was asked. 
Kakyoin's amused smile slowly widens along with Jotaro's eyes slowly widening in realization as he plays his own words back in his mind. His surprised gaze turned to look at Kakyoin. 
"Are you suggesting....?" Jotaro trails off with a hiss. "Fuck off."
"I'm not even saying anything."
"Don't think about it. I'd rather eat my socks."
"Oh?"
"Don't look at me like—" Jotaro sighs. "It's not like that,"
"But it is," Kakyoin insists with a raised brow and a smirk, "Isn't it?"
Jotaro didn't even respond this time, looking away from his friend's teasing gaze as his own landed on his bed sheets. Kakyoin could see the dust of pink on the other teen's cheeks the more he remained silent, and that was already enough of a response to him. 
"God fucking damnit." Jotaro curses under his breath at the realization, letting out a deep sigh as he glares at his sheets. Kakyoin remained silent as he let Jotaro think about his newfound feelings. 
Eventually, Jotaro turns his head to look at Kakyoin, the usual calm, cold, neutral look on his face as his ocean gaze stares through his lavender ones. 
"Turn away for a bit." Was all Jotaro said. Confused, Kakyoin did as he was told, turning his back to Jotaro and looking at the wall beside his bed. 
Suddenly, Kakyoin jumps slightly in surprise. 
Jotaro is screaming.
It's muffled, probably by his pillows and his sheets, and it probably wasn't loud enough to be heard outside their room, but loud enough to surprise Kakyoin.
It didn't take long before he heard a deep breath and then silence.
"Good night," Jotaro spoke nonchalantly, and Kakyoin swiftly turned, but Jotaro was already on his side, back turned towards the red-head who was only blinking at him in a mix of amusement and surprise. 
"Also, don't tell anyone about this."
"Aye, aye, captain."
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ladykailitha · 7 months
Text
Grief (A Friend Indeed) Part 1
Hello! Sorry it's been nothing but one-shots lately, but as I said in this post here I haven't abandoned anything, my life has just got a little crazy lately.
This was conceived because my sister's former mother-in-law passed away due to massive heart failure a week ago and I chose to write this story as a way with dealing it. I didn't know her well, but I did know her and that's enough I think to feel some grief at her passing. She was a year younger than my dad.
Summary: Eddie and Wayne have to go back to Kentucky when Eddie's grandmother (and Wayne and Al's mother) passes. Steve comes along when Eddie suggests that he would feel better if he came. Along the way they learn about each other's pasts and find out that they are each other's future.
***
Eddie walked into the Family Video and had to stop and gaze fondly at the sight before him. Steve was draped over the counter reading a magazine and steadfastly ignoring the bell above the door that announced his arrival.
He got up to the desk and greeted affectionately, “Hey, Stevie.”
Steve bolted straight up and ran his fingers through his hair. “Oh hi, Eds. I didn’t realize that it was you.”
Eddie smiled for the first time in days.
Steve grinned back. “You know, a boy could start to think you were avoiding him. You know, since I haven’t seen you around in days.”
Eddie winced, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. “Sorry, man. I had family stuff.”
Steve’s teasing grin slid off his face. “Shit. I’m sorry. That was a dick move.”
Eddie waved his hands. “No, no. There was no way for you to know. In fact, that’s why I’m here. To make sure you don’t think that I’m avoiding you. Because I wouldn’t. You see Wayne and I have to go back to Ashland for a funeral.”
Steve’s already contrite expression softened further. “Oh, Eds. That’s awful. Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
Eddie’s eyes welled up and before the first tear could fall, Steve was over that counter and wrapping him up in his arms.
“I’ve got you, Eds,” Steve murmured. “I’m here now.”
Eddie sobbed and sobbed as Steve just gently rubbed his back until he calmed down enough to talk.
“It’s Uncle Wayne’s mom, my grandma,” he explained, clutching Steve’s shirt like a life line. “She was just the sweetest old lady and now she’s gone. I’m going to miss her.”
“Oh, Eds,” Steve murmured. “I’m sorry. That must just be awful for you. If there is anything I can do, just let me know.”
Eddie chuckled into Steve’s work vest. “Too bad you can’t come with. I think I’d feel braver about seeing all Dad’s family again if you were there.”
Steve grabbed his biceps and pushed him back gently. “Done.”
Eddie stuttered and sputtered. “Stevie, no...”
Steve picked up the phone on the counter and dialed a number. “Stevie yes.”
And Eddie watched in awe horror as Steve’s eyes suddenly welled up with tears and he rubbed his nose.
“Keith?” Steve said, his voice rough as if he had been doing the crying. “Yeah, I just got a call from my mom. My grandmother has died and I have to go to Kentucky for the funeral.”
Eddie’s jaw dropped. He didn’t even know that Steve knew where Ashland was.
“Yeah, my mom is from Lexington,” Steve said with a wink at him. “A real southern belle. I’ve seen pictures of her debutante ball and everything.”
Eddie snorted, because of course she was.
“I would need at least a week,” Steve was saying. “With the reading of the will and all.”
Eddie scoffed. If there was a will, he very much doubted there would be anything as formal as a reading of the damn thing.
“Oh thank you so much,” Steve sniffled. “I’ll even call Robin and let her know about her needing to pick up a few shifts.”
And like that Steve had gotten the week off.
“And the award for best crocodile tears to get out of working goes to Steve Harrington!” Eddie said, waving his hands back and forth. “Holy shit, man, how did you do that?”
Steve snorted. “As any good actor will tell you in order to cry on command, you just need to think about something that makes you cry.”
Eddie frowned. “What did you think of?”
Steve just shrugged. “What time are you guys leaving?”
“Tomorrow, early,” he said. “But serious, dude, even after that stellar performance, you don’t really have to come. Take the week off. Enjoy life for a change.”
Steve shook his head. “I would just be at home worried about you. Don’t make me stay. Please. Not when you said you would feel better with me there.”
Eddie’s shoulders slumped as he gave in. “Of course I want you there, but I would be selfish to take you away from your family for so long. Robin, Dustin...the rest of the them all need you too.”
Steve sighed heavily. “You’re part of that family, Eds. And I’m not dumb enough to think that they aren’t going to make a run for it the second they’re able to. As they should. I have to live my own life and not be afraid to go places.”
Eddie threw his arms in the air. “I hate when you make sense.”
Steve grinned. “Now the only remaining question is which vehicle we’re taking, Wayne’s truck, your van, or my car?”
Eddie laughed. “God, Stevie. I am so glad you’re coming with me. I needed that. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
Steve’s grin turned soft and fond. “Let’s hope you never have to find you.”
“Damn straight.”
*
“I can’t believe you’re leaving me,” Robin groused when Steve called her after Eddie left.
“What was I supposed to do when he asked?” Steve questioned, twirling the phone cord around his fingers. He leaned against the counter, keeping an eye on the door.
The last thing he needed was Keith finding out he fucked around after giving him the week off.
Robin scoffed. “Not go?” she questioned. “He obviously wasn’t serious about you coming with.”
"You know I would do the same for you," he said with a sigh. "For any of you. Plus his life has already been turned upside down enough, don't you think?"
Robin sighed. "I'm not really mad," she said. "It's just that this will be the longest we've been apart since the Russians under the mall."
Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. "Just think of it as a trial run for when you go to college."
"Yeah okay," she said resigned. "Just call me before you leave and again when you get there, okay?"
"Aye, aye, captain!" Steve said with a grin.
Robin giggled. "Shut up!" She paused for a moment. "I'll miss your stupid face, dingus."
“I’ll miss yours, too,” Steve said with a sigh. “I’ll call as often as I can okay?”
“You better.”
They talked a little bit longer until a customer came in and he had to hang up.
*
When he got home he started calling all the kids and packing for a week long trip. He wasn’t sure what he should bring in terms of clothes and ended up calling Eddie.
Eddie who laughed when he asked. “Just bring what you would normally wear this time of year.”
Steve chewed on his lip. “So I won’t get mercilessly teased about my preppy clothes?”
“Oh no, you will,” Eddie confirmed. “It’s just you don’t have to change yourself to fit in with a bunch of assholes who would make fun of you. Okay?”
Steve let out a slow breath and his anxiety went with it. He could handle that. Those assholes had never met a bitch like Steve Harrington before.
“Yeah, okay,” he said after a moment. “You and Wayne decide which vehicle we’re taking?”
“Yeah, he suggested we take his truck and your car,” Eddie said. “He knows he’s going to be taking a lot back and thinks your car will make it better than my van.”
“Sounds good,” Steve murmured, a little disappointed. “So who will you be riding with for the trip down?”
He could almost feel the grin from here. “With you, of course, darlin’.”
Steve laughed. “Yeah okay. What time do you need me at your house?”
There was a beat and then two before Eddie said, “I was thinking that you should spend the night so we could leave first thing in the morning.”
Steve’s heart sped up as his breath caught in his chest. “Yeah. Sure. That’s a good idea. I’ll show up at eight tonight, give myself a little bit more time to pack.”
“Sounds good,” Eddie replied. “Wayne suggested it because it’s a six hour drive and we want to leave as early as we can so it’s not too late when we get there.”
Steve felt a jumble of emotions at that statement. It was a relief that it was a practical reason, but at the same time it was a disappointment that it wasn’t Eddie’s idea.
He took a deep breath. “I hear that. I remember the trips to Lexington when I was kid before we started flying. They were a bitch.”
“It really surprises me that you have family in Kentucky. I don’t know why, a lot of people in Indiana do, it’s just...”
“Harringtons are so entrenched in Hawkins it’s weird to think we have connections outside of it?” Steve supplied.
Eddie laughed. “Yeah, that.”
“My parents met in college and I didn’t move to Hawkins until I was eight,” Steve said.
“Wait,” Eddie said. “No way. You aren’t a Hawkins native?”
Steve chuckled. “Nope. I’m more like you and Dustin then the Wheelers and the Byers. And the Sinclairs.”
“Huh,” Eddie said after a moment. “You certainly have hidden depths, my friend.”
“You have no idea,” Steve teased.
“Then I’ll just have to use this trip to dive deeper,” Eddie teased back.
“I have to pack, you dork,” Steve said fondly. “I’ll be over at eight.”
“See you then, Stevie.”
***
Part 2|Part 3|Part 4|Part 5|Part 6|Part 7|Part 8|Part 9|Part 10|Part 11|Part 12
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jo6hny · 2 months
Text
 She got my heartbeat. Skipping down 16th Avenue - Hazel Callahan
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Pairing: College student! Hazel Callahan x College student! Reader 
Contains: fluff, hazel being woozy from meds, mentions of beating PJ up (i love her this was for the plot), somewhat idiots very in love, kissing!!!  
Summary: Based on this request.
Word Count: 2.3K
A/N: yay i managed to post this week! Onto the next request. Also, let me know if you’d like to be tagged onto future Hazel oneshots :) ! 
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“What the fuck happened?!” You exclaimed, barging into Hazel’s hospital room. 
Sylvie and the rest of the girls were there by her bedside, earnestly looking after the injured girl. They give you a look of pity and guilt. Everyone knew how protective you could get of your best friend. 
“Pretty girl, hello!” Hazel slurred, jolting upwards into a sitting position. Her heart rate monitor was spiking. She had taken several medications for her injuries and it made her loopy and out of her mind most of the time. 
Sylvie gently pushes her back down and interrupts Hazel. “Hey, she kind of got into a fight.” 
“Kind of?” You interject, your arms flailing in panic. Hazel looked like shit. Her lip was busted and her eye swollen. To add to this, her face had been colored purple and blue from several bruises around her face. The sight of her made your heartache and made you want to coddle the brunette. 
“We’re sorry this happened,” Isabel started, making her way to you. “It’s just that PJ and Josie tricked all of us into the fight club and Hazel had to fight the big guy. It’s a super long story.” 
“I’m gonna fucking kill PJ.” You muttered, feeling your eye twitch and your blood boil. You had never liked her, she had always left a bad taste in your mouth. It baffled you why Hazel always spoke so highly of her. Josie, you could get it. She was nice albeit awkward but she was never mean spirited like PJ was. 
“Noo not good, pretty. Bad.” Hazel interrupted. Even in her disheveled state she was defending PJ. It stung and you felt a sense of dejection. But you pushed it aside as you realize that you needed to step up and take care of her because no one else will. Hazel’s mom was vacationing god knows where and her dad was out of the picture a long time ago. She only had you. 
Making your way to her, the girls parted and offered you a seat beside her hospital bed. You had noticed that her heart rate monitor was incredibly high but figured that it was the leftover adrenaline from what ensued. 
“Hey Haze,” You whisper, voice cracking. “I’m gonna get you home, okay?” 
“Pretty girl going to take care ‘me?” She asked, she was slurring her words and it came out kind of whiny. 
A shy smile spread across your face. She had never called you pretty girl before. Sure, she was never shy of compliments but never outright like this. It made you wonder if there were truth to her words. 
You nodded, taking her hand. “Of course, Haze.” 
“Dude your heart rate keeps going up, I’m gonna call a nurse.” Sylvie observed, taking Isabel with her to get someone. She was genuinely concerned for Hazel, her heart rate kept going up especially when you came around which she found weird. 
“‘M face hurts.” Hazel said. Her breathing was shallow and she could barely open one eye. 
“I’m so sorry this happened to you, Haze.” You replied, rubbing her hand with your thumb. This was something you often did whenever you were nervous or apologetic. In return, Hazel would squeeze yours back three times as if to say it’s okay. At least that’s what you thought. 
The girls came back to the room with the nurse they found to assist Hazel. She was tall and looked kind. Almost reminiscent of Hazel’s mom without the flashy jewelry and short hair. 
“You say her heart rate was spiking?” The nurse asked, closely looking at her heart rate monitor. 
Sylvie nodded and pointed to you. “Yeah it started going up when she arrived.” 
The nurse looked at you with curiosity in her eyes and then she spotted your interlocked hands. The tips of her mouth perked up and her gaze glinted with mischief. 
“Huh,” She started, looking at you with a teasing gaze. “Must be leftover adrenaline from the fight.” 
“That’s what I thought so too.” You replied, feeling confident in your answer. It didn’t cross your mind to think that she might be hinting at something else. Why would she? She was a stranger and friends held hands all the time. Though, your heart rate definitely didn’t feel fast whenever you're holding other people’s hands, only with Hazel. 
“Sure.” The nurse said, turning her back from you. Her tone was sarcastic and it baffled you. But you brushed it aside, choosing to put your attention to Hazel instead. 
After some more checking, the nurse ruled out anything dangerous but told Hazel to be careful. And as her primary caretaker, you took it upon yourself to talk to the Nurse too. Just to find out what to do and when you could take your bestfriend home. The lady was nice enough to supply all the correct answers but not without sly remarks about “taking good care of your girlfriend”. Whatever that meant. Finally, she told you that Hazel would be able to go home tomorrow which gave you relief. It was gonna be hard work but you weren’t complaining as it was Hazel you were pouring your care onto. 
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Back at your dorm, Hazel occupies her side of the room and is slumped against her bed. Despite her wounds healing, she hadn’t been quite active; not like herself at all. You’d blamed the meds that the doctor prescribed, as well as the bruise the altercation might have left on her ego. 
“You look really pretty today.” Hazel said, complimenting you. This was her 10th compliment of the day and she didn’t show any signs of stopping. Again, something you blamed the meds on. She was all loopy and hallucinating. You didn’t look pretty at all today, body adorned with just a regular hoodie and sweatpants. 
“Mhm, sure Haze. Thank you.” You reply, sitting on her bed and taking out the supplies needed to tend to her wounds. 
Facing her, you inch closer towards your best friend and take a good look before reaching for her bruise medication. Her face still looked splotchy because of the bruises, but certainly better. 
“Thank you for taking care of me, I owe you a lot, pretty.” she mumbled, her one non swollen eye looking at you with affection. Hazel might have been on medication but she meant every compliment that came out of her mouth. In a way she was glad for it because it enables her to voice out her thoughts about you. 
“It’s okay. I would take care of you any day.” You reassure her, giving her a smile. It still breaks your heart whenever you recall what happened to her. She deserved so much better, especially after you learned about the argument her and PJ had prior to the fight. You wanted to beat the shit out of PJ so bad but restrained yourself because you knew that Hazel wouldn’t forgive you. But still, you can’t help but glare and stick your middle finger up at her whenever you pass each other by at the halls. 
“I’m gonna beat PJ up as payback for what happened to you, I swear to god.” You added, your voice was shaky. 
“Don’t.” Hazel replied, taking your hand in hers. She did it again, squeezed your hand thrice. It made your heart flutter. But at the same time, it saddened you how much she defended PJ. 
“Don’t defend her, Haze. She’s the reason you got hurt.” You reply defensively, intertwining your hand with hers. If you had a heart rate monitor at home, Hazel’s would have skyrocketed right now. She was praying that her pulse didn’t give anything away but you seemed to be distracted by the hate you had for her friend. 
“I’m not,” She started, staring her one eye at you. “It’s just that you’re too good for that, beautiful.” 
“Stop that.” You whisper, avoiding eye contact. You decide to distract yourself by opening up the treatment for her bruises and applying it onto her. 
“Stop what?” 
“You know, complimenting me. You’re too loopy from the meds.”
Hazel shakes her head, interrupting you from treating her wound. “That’s not true.” 
“Yes it is. I mean, you have been doing the same since the hospital.” You retort, trying to evade Hazel’s attempt at knocking at your heart. It wasn’t working, of course. Her admittance of her affection for you made you feel loopy. 
“It might have started at the hospital but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. I do think you’re beautiful and kind and gorgeous and the best person in the world.” She rambled on, listing positive things about you. 
The brunette’s confession shocked you, leading you to push down a bit harder on her bruise as you applied her medication. 
“Ow!” Hazel exclaimed, it felt like her bruise would resurface with the pressure you put on her face. 
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” You reply, frantically caressing her face as to apologize for accidentally hurting her. 
“It’s okay.” Hazel mumbled, bringing a hand up to her cheek. “Kinda hurts though.” 
“I’m really sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I swear.” 
Hazel’s eyebrows perk up at your offer. The cogs in her mind were working overtime and she was going to take a leap at what she was going to do but it would all be worth it. 
“I know how you can make it up to me.” She led on, a small smirk displayed on her face. She couldn’t quite smile as there were cuts on her lips that disabled her from doing so. 
“How?” You cocked your head to the side, curious to what her demands were. You felt really bad. To be fair, Hazel surprised you and she couldn’t just do that so suddenly, not when your hands were on her face. She knew how reactive you could get. 
“A kiss.” She beamed, proud of herself. 
You stare at her, bewildered. 
“We need to get you off those meds.” You mumble, putting away her ointment. This was you trying to hide your face that was sporting a blush. You could feel the warmth spread past your countenance and through your body. 
“I’m serious!” Hazel flailed, sitting upright. She had never been more serious in her entire life. She could come off as goofy most of the time but never with you. She had always tried her best whenever she was with you. You deserve the best things in life and she knew this. 
“Alright okay.” You caved, positioning yourself closer to her so that it was easier for your lips to attach themselves to her wounds. 
“Really?” The blue eyed girl questioned. She didn’t think she’d get this far. 
You hummed in response and made your way forwards, pressing a chaste kiss on the apple of her cheek right where the bruise was starting to shift colors. And then you planted another towards her swollen eye, careful not to put any pressure. Then, your lips found its ways towards hers. You hover over her lips, not quite sure if you should continue. 
“Please kiss me.” Hazel whispered, feeling a bit pathetic at her plea. But then again, this was all she ever wanted. To be near you and feel you. And if she were honest, she’d get beat up a thousand times again if it meant being under your tender care. 
At this, you press your lips onto hers. You were careful not to press too hard as you minded the cuts she obtained from the fight. But still, you kissed her with much love and yearning. With all of the pent up feelings you had for your best friend. She tasted like skittles. The only thing she’d enthusiastically eat during these past few days that she’d rested. 
“Do you feel better now?” You ask, parting your lips from hers. The beating of your heart was loud and you could physically feel your heart thump against your chest. 
“Well,” She said, as if in deep thought. “I think you need to kiss me more, to be honest. I don’t feel too well.” 
You laugh at her attempt to convince you to kiss her again. It worked, though. Obviously. But it was just so…Hazel. So authentically her. 
“Oh no!” You feigned worry, playing along. “We wouldn’t want that.” 
“No. Not at all.” Hazel shook her head. She took her spare hand and wrapped it around your waist. 
Leaning in once again, you take a moment to examine her features. The contrast of her sharp features against the violent splotches of purple and green and beige. She looked beautiful. Right then and there you swore that you’d protect her. Never let anything like this happen again. Protect her against the stupid football guy, PJ, anyone. 
“What are you thinking of?” Hazel asked, breaking you out of your trance. 
“How good you look. And how I’m totally gonna kick that football guy and PJ’s ass.” You reply, earning a groan from your best friend. 
“More kissing, less kicking ass, please.” She pleaded. 
“Alright okay.” You laughed, connecting your lips to hers again. You weren’t sure where this left the both of you. If it meant that you two were together now. You made a mental note to bring this up to her once you two finish making out. 
Hazel on the other hand, was elated. She had to personally thank her nurse and doctor for prescribing her meds that made her more loopy as hell but confident. She couldn’t believe it! She was kissing her best friend and long time crush all because of some stupid meds that got rid of her shyness. Hazel was going to enjoy this, she thought. And she also thought about how she was going to scream everything out into the world. How she finally got her girl and how lucky she felt. 
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tags: @academiareid <3
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transmascissues · 2 years
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every day i think about how my old psychiatrist (who was notoriously horrible on many levels, to be clear) tried to convince me to stay on the antidepressants i was coming off of when i told her i was starting testosterone because she was convinced that i’d be incapable of handling the “intense mood swings” that she said it would cause if i was unmedicated
mind you, i was coming off of these meds because they were doing absolutely fucking nothing for me and she had fought me on stopping them every step of the way — in her mind, me starting t was the perfect chance to make one final (transphobic) push against my desire to stop putting completely pointless drugs in my body
she consistently referred to hrt as me “going on steroids” and told me with every ounce of condescending concern she could muster that she had never had a patient start t without being on antidepressants (as if i was supposed to see that fact as anything other than further proof that her main goal as a psychiatrist was just to make as much money as possible by pushing meds on people)
i tried to explain to her that countless trans people i’d talked to had said that being on t made them feel more emotionally stable, not less, and that i had already chosen a method of hrt that would minimize hormonal fluctuations as much as possible, but she wouldn’t believe me — there’s no question in my mind that she just saw me as a ~naive little girl who didn’t understand how testosterone could make my life hell~
and of course, my mom jumped on that idea and started telling me about how it’s not that she doesn’t like that i’m trans, it’s just that she’s ~so worried~ about what the ~big bad testosterone~ might to to my ~poor fragile mental health~
and when i started t, i was terrified that they would be proven right
now i’m 5 months on t (and a few months post-ending that doctor-patient relationship as well) and what do you know? my mood is better than ever! my therapist (who has known me far longer and actually cares about my well-being) says she’s never seen me this happy, and that she feels like i’m actually living for the first time! it’s been incredible!
in fact, i’ve come to the realization that i most likely had premenstrual dysphoric disorder before t, and that it was contributing to a huge percentage of my mental breakdowns and suicidal thoughts, so it seems there were hormones causing mood swings that i couldn’t handle without proper treatment after all, but testosterone isn’t the cause of those issues — turns out it’s the treatment i desperately needed to manage them!
and after some research and hearing from other people, i’ve learned that it wasn’t all anecdotal after all, because some studies have actually found evidence to support the idea that testosterone has antidepressant effects — i told my therapist that testosterone felt the way the antidepressants i had been on were supposed to feel, but i had no clue there was science to back that up
so now i’m just left being endlessly furious with the way testosterone is demonized as some horrible poisonous drug that will destroy your mental health along with everything else in your life, because being on it has improved my quality of life exponentially and that alone makes being on it SO worthwhile, but no one ever gets to see that side of being on t because they’re so busy drumming up fear about how it’ll wreck your moods instead
of course, that’s not to say some people don’t experience serious mood swings on t, because i would never deny someone else’s experience with their own body and mind, and i think it’s important that people know those effects are possible when they start t
what i AM saying is that i would guess that if you looked at pure numbers, more people have probably had a really positive experience like mine than a seriously negative one, and it’s very telling that the negative ones are portrayed as a universal part of being on t despite seemingly being a smaller percentage when you actually talk to lots of trans people, while the positive ones are portrayed as a fluke at best and impossible or even deceptive at worst despite being a really common theme in trans people’s accounts of being on t
testosterone is medicine. testosterone is healing.
it doesn’t solve all our problems — i’m certainly far from cured of all my mental health issues — but it sure as hell lightens the load, and i’m sick and tired of people acting like it’s a horrible thing and not the fucking miracle worker that it is for some of us
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justpuppylove · 9 months
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HIII WELCOME BACKK!! WE MISSED YOU!! NOW IM GONNA NEED MORE OF THAT STEP BRO WILBUR MHM MHM 🤭
Sh~ Stepbrother Wilbur soot smut
Stepbro!WilburSoot x afab reader smut
Kinks/warnings: Stepcest [PLEASE DONT FUCK YOUR STEP-SIBLINGS OR PARENTS. I DO NOT CONDONE THIS.], degrading, begging, marking
A/N: HIIIII AND OFC :3
If you were completely honest, you didn’t like Wilbur. Your mom started dating your stepdad and after about a year he moved in, he brought Wilbur with him. Wilbur was honestly kind of a prick, he always made such snarky comments and was always teasing you. You always had to put up with him, especially on holidays and for special events. It just so happens that your mom and stepdad wanted to go on a date, and Wilbur decided to come bother you.
“What’s up dickheadddd” Wilbur says as he busts into your room. You let out a gasp and jump a bit, not expecting him to just barge in. You roll your eyes, “What is it Wilbur, don’t you have anything better to do?” Wilbur looks at you with a stupid smirk on his face. “What? Can’t I hang out with my favorite sibling?” He asks as he walks over to your bed where you’re sitting. He towers over you as he looks down. You feel a bit flustered as you look away; avoiding eye contact. He grabs your chin and makes you look at him. “You’re not blushing, are you?” He asks as he studies your face, that dumb smirk still plastered across his face. “What? No.. of course not, dumbass.” You respond as you shove your face away from his hand. “Awe you are, admit it” he says, placing his leg on the bed as he partially climbs on top of you. You feel your face heat up as he positions himself over you. You keep quiet as Wilbur grabs your face once more. “Admit it.” He says as he slightly squeezes your face. “Fine. Yes, I am.” You say as you look up at him reluctantly.
He moves himself over top of you as he moves his hand from your face to your neck. He kisses you and you feel yourself melt into his touch, you’re a bit surprised but you let it happen. His hand moves down your body and you spread your legs open, inviting him in. He smirks against your lips as he sees how needy you are. “You’re such a slut” his words ring through your ears as his hand meets with your core. You still had your shorts on but you were soaking wet. Wilbur was obviously quite surprised by this, he teases you by trailing his fingers over your shorts; making you whine. “You’ve needed me so bad hm?” He asks teasingly, all you can do is nod. “You don’t even care that I’m your stepbrother?” He asks as he slides your shorts off and takes off his shirt. You trace his muscles with your eyes, not paying attention to his questions as he unbuttons his pants. His bulge is very apparent against his boxers as he kisses your neck. He fingers once again meeting your core. He slowly pushes his fingers in, which causes you to let out a moan. You grab the back of Wilbur’s head, your fingers combing through his hair, as he leaves a hickey on your neck.
He lines himself up with your entrance, tapping his hard dick onto your pussy. He slides himself up and down your wetness as you get needier. “Please just fuck me” you say as Wilbur looks down at you. “How bad do you want it?” Wilbur says, wanting you to beg. You almost let out a scoff before realizing that would just postpone your pleasure even more, “Please~ I need you so bad. I need you to fuck me Will” you say pleadingly. Wilbur seems pleased with your response because he slowly slides into you. You let out a whine as you try to adjust to his length. “Sh~ I know baby” he says as he gives you a second to get used to him. He starts slowly moving inside of you, letting out a few groans as you clench around him. After hearing your moans he speeds up and begins slamming into you roughly. “Fuck~ Wilbur~” you moan out between whines. “Yeah? You like that?” He says as he slams into you, making the bed hit the wall. He lifts your legs up over his shoulders and grabs your hips, his nails pressing into your thighs. “Such a dirty slut~” he says, you clench around him as you hear his words. As he feels this he moves one of his hands to your clit, skillful circling it. “Please~ can I please cum~” you beg Wilbur as he continues slamming into you. “Cum for me, only I can make you feel this good.” Wilbur says, possessiveness swimming in his tone. Once you get permission you feel yourself release on Wilbur’s dick, your clit throbbing as he continues fucking you through your orgasm. “Ah~ Wilbur~” you moan out, gripping onto his wrists. His grip on you tightens more as he slams into you even harder. With a few more thrusts his seed spills out onto you.
You both pant a bit as you come down from your highs. Wilbur cleans you both up and helps you put your clothes back on. You both settle into your bed together and turn on your tv. You both watch some movies together before Wilbur gets a message from his dad. “They’re coming home..” he says, “you should do something about that.” he finishes as his eyes dart to the huge hickey on your neck. Your face heats up as you scatter to the bathroom.
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bueckerssturns · 3 months
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P.S. I still love you
pairing: chris x fem ! reader
-> warnings: cursing, angst. i think that’s it sorry in advance 😔. slightly short
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dear y/n,
it’s been a year already can you believe that? it feels like we met just yesterday at a random party i was invited to and to think i was going to skip it because i had a meeting the next day, i remember how i accidentally bumped into you causing you to spill your drink on yourself god i felt so bad watching you try to dry it off i just kept apologizing and you said it was fine but that still didn’t stop me from feeling bad.
i remember that after that party we became great friends and how inseparable we were, remember that one time when we sat up on your roof drinking sodas (considering we were both underage and hated drinking) watching the sunset that’s the day i realized that i loved you and wanted to be with you forever.
remember that time we went to the park with cat (absolute insane name for a dog by the way) then somehow his leash came off making us chase him around the whole park but before we caught him you tripped causing me to fall on top of you making us laugh uncontrollably for about five minutes, that was one of my favorite moments together (out of so many of course)
do you remember when we tried giving cat a bath? that motherfucker couldn’t stay in the bathtub for more than two seconds especially since he was a very hyper dog, i remember when he first jumped out you tried running after him but accidentally slipped on the bar of soap making you fall into the water, bubbles in your hair drenched in dirty dog water and yet i still thought you were the most beautiful girl i ever saw.
remember on our two year anniversary i took you to france for a week? gosh i was so nervous the day i gave you the tickets since you “never liked me spending money on you” but at the end you absolutely loved the trip especially that special dinner we went to where i gave you the necklace you’ve been wanting for weeks, i’ll never forget the look on your face when you saw the necklace it made me feel like i fulfilled my purpose as your boyfriend.
one of the memories that brings a big smile to my face is when i remember the day nick and matt met you for the first time they were so excited because i would never shut up about you and how great you were so when they finally got to meet the reason for my happiness it was awesome, having you all getting along was amazing i loved how they accepted you with open arms, the thing i hated was how nick would always steal you from me but i forgave him when i found out you two had a lot in common more than you and me i got a little jealous but opposites attract or whatever they say.
i loved when we would go sit in your car watching the sunset or sunrise while talking about our future, i loved the way your nose would scrunch every time you laughed or smiled, i absolutely adored your voice and how your voice sounded like honey in the early morning when you would wake me up.
i loved how much you helped matt when he had any problems or questions about anything and how you never made him feel dumb for it, that’s one of the many things i loved about you how you helped others and never made them fell stupid for the questions they asked.
i loved the way you would talk to little kids, how caring you were for them and it always made me think of how an amazing mother you would’ve been.
you know matt and nick still talk about you, same with my mom and dad they all miss you even trev misses you he always sits or lays down in your spot on my bed, fuck we all miss you y/n especially me, we had a lot of plans together we had so many ideas for our future! i even bought a stupid ring that i was going to give to you on our fifth year anniversary which is tomorrow but sadly not everything goes according to plan.
but i know that you’re no longer in pain and in a better place, you probably won’t read this stupid letter but thank you for giving me the best years of my life and giving me amazing memories that i will cherish for as long as i live.
sincerely,
ta chérie.
P.S. I still love you.
with that the boy folded up the letter placing it in an envelope tears streaming down his face but what he didn’t know was that the love of his life was there watching him write that letter with tears running down her face as she smiled sadly at him, she never got to tell him everything she wanted or the fact that they had a baby on the way.
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i cried a few times while writing this um it’s mostly based off of a movie i saw a few years ago that randomly hit me (movie: P.S. I Love You) also idk why but the songs i was listening to while writing this were depressing so that didn’t help at all but i hope you enjoyed this and pls don’t hate me 😔
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tags: @sturnioloslurps @sturniolos-blog
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onepiece-polls · 9 months
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One Piece Shipping War - Round 2 Side C
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Lusan art by @supernaturallyginger. Check out the original post here!
Propaganda under the cut.
Propaganda for Sanji x Luffy:
I don't think anyone is gonna bother denying the fact that WCI is literally just the plot of an otome isekai shoujo manga/manhwa. MC (main character) is treated like trash by family except for the 1 dead mom and 1 nice sympathetic supporter that can't do much of anything to help. MC escapes only to find themselves in an even worse situation somewhat of their own making, only to be swept off their feet by the ML (male lead) and saved, full damsel in distress style. Dramatic love confessions, crying in the rain, betrayal from an arranged marriage, it has it all.
Dude Luffy loves Sanji so so much like WCI is the best example and like you don't even really need to see the love as romantic if that bugs you but dudes. The first words out of the Luffys Shadow Possessed Oars was yelling for Sanji. He just loves Sanji so much and Sanji loves him too
The WCI arc in itself is mega SanLu propaganda. Luffy invaded an emperor’s territory, completely crashed a wedding, went up against Sanji’s evil science family, and got nearly beat to death by Sanji himself all in order to get Sanji back. Sanji offered his life to Kuma at thriller bark so Kuma wouldn’t kill Luffy. He pushed himself for 2 years all in order to get stronger FOR Luffy. Sanji feels sorry when he isn’t useful, the whole reason why he used the raid suit those few times was because he was thinking about getting stronger for Luffy, but realized that he didn’t want to become an emotionless monster like his family. Sanji broke down in tears at WCI when he tried to get Luffy to go away by fighting him. And then broke down in tears again when he ran back to Luffy and told him he wanted to go back home to the Sunny. No matter what Sanji cooks, Luffy always likes it and is proud to have him in his crew. Sanji is also one of Luffy’s “wings”, as stated by Robin! They’re both just so sweet and clearly care very deeply about each other.
Luffy saving Sanji on whole cake island got to me
[Insert everything that happens between them during WCI] how could I see luffy yelling about how he won't eat anything and will starve- LUFFY OF ALL PEOPLE- unless Sanji comes back and not ship them at LEAST a little. "Without you I can't become the pirate king" absolutely devastating cinema. Then Sanji laying out everything, in tears, and Luffy accepting it all and just saying, "well that's who you are" poetic. Final wci thing: luffy hearing judges bs about sanji and going "whyd he start listing all your good point" true love. This seems one sided but Sanji is also just as bad. "Which version of me do you prefer" anyone? They care SO MUCH about each other. Also Luffy loves to eat, Sanji loves to feed people, they're meant to be.
*gestures at the entirety of WCI* I mean that’s Love, they are Ride or Die, Luffy cannot become the pirate king without Sanji, whether that means physically because he needs Sanji’s support or just because being the pirate king means Luffy has everything he wants and what he wants is Sanji or both. And Sanji loves him just as much back! He’s his sun he’s his world…Luffy jump and Sanji’s too busy skywalking to bother asking how high. I just love them sm
Oda himself wrote the propaganda for this, Whole Cake Island just cemented lusan as canon. "I can't become Pirate King without you!" <- that's love baby
Propaganda for Sanji x Usopp:
PLEASE they are so great for the needs love/gives love dynamic because it goes both ways.
My fav somewhat rare pair. I specifically love on skypiea when Sanji sacrifices himself to save Usopp from Enel. (And of course the scene when they wake up from their injuries holding hands!!!!)
It is simply the best Sanji ship I’m afraid
Consider: they cute
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sugar-omi · 2 months
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How do you think everyone would react if cove and mc got pregnant at 18? Like the reason for them being engaged so young is because they are expecting
tags : Angst, headcanons, fem/afab reader, pregnancy
[part 2: cove finding out you're pregnant]
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CLIFF
cliff would be.. he'd have the same feelings he had when kyra got pregnant with cove
he'd be scared, but happy because it is an exciting thing that a lot of people wish to hear one day!
but as cove's dad, he'd first be disappointed just because he never would've wished such a struggle on anyone at such a young age, especially his own son.
doesn't bother getting angry, because what would that do? it won't make you un-pregnant and it'd just make cove (and you) mad at him or upset, since of course you already know it's not an ideal situation.
when he realizes that you got engaged because of the pregnancy though, he tries to have a talk with cove.
he knows how much you two love each other, but he also knows from experience that this just doesn't work.
i think that'd end up in an argument, because even though cove and cliff have a better relationship than before, 5-10 years doesn't erase all the hurt from back then
cliff might end up saying something like "you don't want to end up like me and your mom" or even worse, "you shouldn't mess up your future."
all that would upset cove so much... because does he think that cove was a mistake? is that what he's saying? is he saying that you and cove would fail miserably? either way. they aren't thinking clearly, and cove already has a lotta feelings about how he was born, let alone conceived.
cove would probably end up saying something (a bit) hurtful like "i would never end up like you and mom." , "i would never marry MC if i didn't know it'd work. unlike some people, i'm not gonna make my kid listen to us argue and then try to play happy family." , or "trust me, my kid won't end up with a childhood like mine." / "trust me, my marriage won't end up like yours."
is it very ooc? probably. but everyone has the ability to say something hurtful, and when you experience something traumatic like your parents fighting, or knowing the circumstances of your birth, you have a lot of thoughts and feelings...
he does end up apologizing, but cliff probably ends up apologizing too since, again, they both probably said things they didn't mean
after that, things get a bit better. there's probably a lot of emotional conversations after that, just to get everything off their chests. hell we might even need family therapy, just to smooth things over before your baby gets here...
KYRA
now kyra... mmm i think this is where her awkwardness comes in. remember how she says she felt more like a cool aunt than his mom?
i think this is where kyra gets close to you, tries to offer you support and helps you through all the changes of pregnancy
she's mostly afraid for both of you. doesn't want you to try and slap a bandaid on this with marriage, kinda like how her and cliff did...
although i do think she was first angry when the news dropped. she really thought that you and cove, cove especially, would be more careful considering everything...
but the distance between her and you guys makes her sit on it for awhile, she does calm down and realize that you're just in the same position she was in, and are likely scared but doing your best...
calls both of you separately, just some a little one-on-one time and a heart-to-heart.
asks if you're really sure if you wanna get married, of course she expects you two to be sure about it, you two haven't gotten tired of each other yet and you're about to be intertwined in every way possible
reminds you that marriage is all about communication. and when you're raising a kid especially, and patience! also knows how much you love each other, and tells you to make time for yourselves and your relationship.
PAM & NOELANI
i instantly knew they'd be mad.
remember how pam worries in step 2 that cove is bad news? i think in her anger, ends up saying something like, "i knew something like this would happen." "i told you he was a bad influence."
yknow i've always wondered how cove would feel if he knew pam thought that about him, and i think in this situation, it'd hurt him a lot, and it'd open up a new can of insecurities and doubts.
starts worrying that he's holding you back, bringing you down... but we can get to that later
noelani tries to keep pam calm, does chastise her for saying that in front of you, especially if cove is there.
noelani is so disappointed, and you can see it so heavily... she'd sigh, mumble something- probably about how she "cant believe it...", covers her face with her hands..
she definitely asks, "how could you let this happen?" she really trusted you to make smart decisions, and even if this was a really big accident (like the rubber broke), she still didn't expect it n can't stop being disappointed
it takes them a few days for them to relax. this news had them totally spun and their emotions jumble up whenever its brought up or they think about it
they know being upset is gonna make it better, and if you're still living at home, they can see how sad you are, which helps them cave in. even if you don't whenever you call, they can hear how sad you are, or maybe you're texting less, whenever you visit your energy is lower than usual...
to start with, just to get out the way, they reassure you that you don't have to get married, that you shouldn't do something you guys don't want to, that you can be parents just fine without marriage
feels better when you insist you're not doing it just for the baby, i mean, not much. but you're insistent, and if you found out you're pregnant after getting engaged, they just have to trust you.
they also have to trust cove when he says he's gonna take care of you and the baby.
they knew cove is always very sincere and determined, even if he hesitates at times, but when he's set on something, he does it, so even though they're not happy about the situation, you're flying the nest now, and hitting milestones at a young age so all they can do is support you
and if noel does have a bit too much fun helping you set up the nursery, don't say a THING!!!
all the parents do make you sit down and explain your plan, who's going to work, who's watching the babe, if you're still going to school... all that. it's not that they aren't going to help you, but are you ready to take on the responsibility for your baby?
LIZ
liz is super worried for you, and cove too actually. you're her little sister/sibling, she still sees you and cove as kids in some way, and she still preens when you come to her for help...
the news just makes her head spin, but her first question is if you're okay, n if she's at home, she gives you a hug, lets you cry if you need it.
and this is also where her (protective) big sister energy comes in.. she hates seeing you sad when your moms are still heavily upset about the news
she tries to be there for you as much as possible, and especially if the first trimester is really rough on you, if cove isn't by your side then she is.
doesn't bother lecturing either of you. whats the point? all of your parents have already chewed your ears off, and it's not like you need any more stress or worry, or need to know that there's someone else disappointed in you/cove
i was going to say she'd give cove a stern talking too about being their for you, but she realizes she doesn't really need to do that.
tells him "i'm sure you'll be a good dad" maybe even, "well, i guess this was gonna happen one day anyway.." and that you're lucky to have him.
although after all those comforting n reassuring words, she does slap him on the back and remind him not to hurt or fail both of you, least he wants to feel her wrath. :) (she's a protective auntie already &lt;33)
tries to keep the energy up by being excited for the baby, or by distracting you with some bonding time w your amazing older sister<3 makes jokes about being the cool aunt, when the times right ofc. she's really just trying to distract you, which works sometimes more than others
LEE
the phone is SILENT. which is really scary coming from lee...
she does speak eventually, asks if you're gonna keep it, what're you going to do, and depending on how you word the news, if cove is there to tell her, or if she's already heard some of the news from the rest of the family, she'll ask if cove knows
she tries not to ask too many questions, because she doesn't wanna upset you or seem insensitive
i think she's really lost on what to do. your and cove's parents have already done all the lecturing, and worrying over each detail...
so she just offers you comfort. or a distraction.
really, her reaction is based off yours, because if you're excited, then so is she! but if you're really sad and/or stressed, then she's subdued, tries to figure out how to help you even though she's not close by...
in fact, her and liz would plan a "girls trip" for you. just to distract you, help you feel better. it's nothing big, just 2 days in the city and you spend most your time going from shop to shop and different restaurants and cafes.
their energy keeps your spirits up, but if you're not up for all that, or even if you're tired of all the running around after the first day, they set up a nice "sleepover" in the hotel room and you only get one noise complaint!
both of them definitely reassure you that if you ever need a break, you can trust them, amazing and cool aunties lee and liz, with the babe (spoiler: you can, but just know you're interrupting many 'a tea parties when you come to pick up the babe)
DEREK, MIRANDA , TERRY, & BAXTER
their eyes fell out their head.
in fact, terry spat out his drink, like projectile spray... and derek is having an outta body experience probably, definitely dropped whatever he was holding.
baxter too, he's taking a sip of his coffee and when you tell him, he chokes a bit, squeezes the cup n now he has coffee on his pants... he's shocked as hell
i hope you didn't tell them in a public place btw, because terry definitely yelled out "you're pregnant?!" and now everyone in sunset bird/wherever you are who didn't know.. knows.
terry isn't sure whether to tell you congrats or not, is very very confused, says congrats but then starts rambling out loud about what if you're not excited, what if it's a bad thing... all that
and miranda too, offers a careful congrats and then says "um.. that is a good thing, right? i mean, it's okay if not!" and yeah you've broken them..
if you reassure them it is a good thing. well, as good as it can be really. then they relax
derek rambles off all his concerns, asks if you're really gonna do it (raise the baby)
and then starts rambling about how hard it was taking care of his brothers... is quick to remind you that it was fun! and he loves his brothers! and that you'll be great parents! and maybe your baby won't be as rambunctious as niko was as a toddler!
just offers you good wishes, and if you ever need help, call him! he's a expert at handling his brothers, so he might know a thing or two. unless it's genuine parenting advice then.. call his mom or dad, or yours, haha
now baxter... well assuming you told him you were engaged before he left, or even if you imagine all this happening while he's here, he doesn't have much to say
he's just a stranger after all, even if you befriend him quickly, he doesn't have much to say to you
he tries to contain his surprise, and he first asks if you're excited, then he offers his congratulations and says you two will be great parents and that the kid will be very loved by everyone.
after seeing you two around the neighborhood, and your getting to know your family and friends a bit, he doesn't worry about you guys too much.
even though he knows teen pregnancy isn't ideal, he does know your kid has a happy life ahead of them, and that you have a lot of support n love around you, and that you and cove will work hard to be good parents, so he doesn't worry for you too much
i'm tempted to say you or cove would find a unnamed flower or gift basket on your parents doorsteps, or maybe he even brings a very early wedding/baby gift since he knows he won't be around, but i'm not sure... although i think that's kinda a baxter thing to do
but now if he found out later in step 4, he'd be surprised by the news (and seeing that you have a kid already) but he'd just tell you he's happy it's all working out for you, and that your kid is very adorable and you have a lovely family
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Gojo satoru x F!reader fic in which you and Megumi interact after his "adoption"
You guys I know Gojo's more like a mentor to Megumi in cannon, but pls pls pls just let me have this, I'll give you good vibes for a week if you do 😭 Also, Satoru is more like a side character in this one, sorry babes.
Warnings: Slight innuendo, some cursing, good feels
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The walk home with Gojo was...interesting. No, scratch that. Annoying. Megumi could do nothing but listen to him talk and talk and talk, to the point that he wished he was getting sold to the Zenin clan.
"Man, you're boring for a 1st grader, huh? What are you, like 8?"
"I'm 6."
"Rightttt....most serious 6-year old I've ever met."
coming from him? Megumi liked that. Whoever Gojo found entertaining had to be crazy.
"You know, my usagi-chan is gonna looove to meet you,"
"Usagi-chan?" He stretched out the pet name, a confused and judgmental tone in his voice. What kind of parent names their kid "little bunny"?
Gojo beamed, holding his hand out and counting on his fingers all the things he liked about you. "Oh yeah, She's great! She's smart, and funny, and she's a great cook, and a really strong sorcerer, and..."
Megumi tuned him out. It was bad enough, dealing with this guy, now there were going to be two of you? He dreaded what the rest of his life would look like.
Gojo was still talking as they walked up the final steps to Jujitsu tech, making their way to the dormitories, only shutting up for a moment when he opened the door to Megumi's new room.
You were there, setting a bouquet of carnations in a vase and angling it perfectly on Megumi's new night stand. The second you realized they arrived, you nervously turned around and smiled sweetly. "Hi! You must be Toj- uh, Megumi Fushiguro!"
"Toji's son" sounded a little demeaning to you.
Megumi nodded, seeming to be examining your face, trying to get a read on you. "I'm (y/n), It's great to meet you...I was going to make lunch, but then I realized I don't even know what you like...so how about when you're settled you can tell me what you like and I'll make it for dinner?" So Usagi-chan wasn't your real name...
"Can you even cook," Megumi asked, the first thing he's ever said to you, his little voice mature sounding for a kid his age.
You giggled, his bluntness making you relax a little at how amusing it was. "Well, he thinks I can," you laughed, pointing at Gojo, who has now made his way over to be next to you, "But he thinks I'm good at everything, so how about you try it and find out?"
Megumi hesitantly nodded, satisfied with your answer, and plops his backpack on the ground. He's decided he likes you.
You made pork gyoza for him that night, some of the best gyoza he's ever had, yet to be matched in his mind. As time went on, Megumi came to realize that you and Gojo filled entirely different roles. While Satoru lived in the dorm right next to Megumi's, Megumi saw a lot more of you than him, even though you worked at the Kyoto sister school.
You came over every day, eating dinner with him and shoveling big portions on his plate because he was "a growing boy", helping him with his homework, listening to his problems, attending his elementary and middle school graduations. At first, Gojo really only interacted with him to train every weekend, to bring him up to his level, but as you took a more parental role, so did he.
Of course, neither of you wanted to be called mom or dad, and Megumi didn't want that either, so he just called you by either your names or "sensei" when being educated. That said, you and Satoru always joked with each other about being teen parents, lamenting the fact that you "got the kid without any of the fun." The very implication of you two doing that always made Megumi gag.
Speaking of that, having the talk with him was surprisingly easy for you and Satoru, disgustingly easy in Megumi's 12 year old eyes, and although at the time he never intended on putting the information to use, it was still good to have.
You were always patient with him, staying gentle during his angsty middle school years, and eventually helping him train even more once he entered high school. You even insisted he danced with you at your wedding, stating that you needed "at least one dance with a gentleman."
All of this said, none of the other first years in the Tokyo school even knew of your existence until the good will event. You showed up with your students, The first person you greeted being Maki. Despite being Mai's teacher, Maki loved you. You were just so...bubbly.
"Maki! Ugh, it's been forever since I've seen you," you squeal, bringing her into a tight hug. You greet Toge and Panda respectively, Before rushing over to your now husband and dramatically swooning into his arms. "Oh, Satoru," You sigh, the back of your hand resting delicately on your forehead. "Ah, Usagi-chan, How I've missed you in the time we've been apart," he sighed, holding you by your waist and the nape of your neck. The sight was completely cringe-worthy, but it was funny to you two and that was all that mattered.
The two of you kissed, much to the confusion of Nobara and Yuji. You opened your eyes, peaking at their faces, and quickly sprung out of the arms of your beloved husband.
"You never told me how adorable your first years are," You giggled, taking Itadori's face in your hand and examining it. You didn't release him as you turned back to Gojo, calling out, "This is the vessel, right?" Satoru nodded, saying, "That's him," proudly. Yuji finally spoke up while Nobara laughed at the sight, asking, "Uhhhh...who are you?"
You pulled back, posing a little and responding with, "I'm (Y/n) (L/n), Satoru's wife!" You never took his last name, seeing as just being connected to the Gojo clan made you a bigger target than you already were. Nobara and Itadori's eyes lit up, both of them shouting, "Tell us everything!"
You would have been happy to, but you saw Megumi out of the corner of your eye. "Ah, Megumi!" You zoomed over, hugging him so tightly his bones might crack. "I've been meaning to ask, what do you want for dinners this week?"
Nobara and itadori got even more excited, you being the best source of information on their closed off friend and surprisingly mysterious teacher.
"I don't care..." Megumi sighed, blushing a little at how open you were about all this. "Maybe Gyoza," he muttered.
Ok, you could be a little annoying sometimes, but that's how all mothers caregivers were. He wasn't mad, even when you invited Itadori and Nobara over for dinner after the event, or spilled all of the details (except for the ones not even Megumi knows) about your life with Megumi and Satoru. He was ok with this, albeit a little peeved, because at the end of the day you cared for him in a way he never would have imagined being cared for.
Life didn't turn out to be so bad after all.
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I absolutely loved writing this, it's been on my mind for a while now! As always, let me know what you think :)
114 notes · View notes
reareaotaku · 7 months
Note
Hello it's me Rachel. Listen um sorry for the bother you but can you make a yandere losers club headcanon movie it 2017 ?
It's no bother! Of course I can!
Yandere Losers Club Headcanons
Characters: Bill Denbrough, Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier, Stanley Uris, Beverly Marsh, Mike Hanlon, Ben Hanscom [Also, I looked up the Jewish stuff for Stanley, so if I got anything wrong lmk]
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Bill Denbrough
He gets really shy around you
Stutters a lot and he never really gets over it, no matter how he tries
You're way out of his league and he's surprised when you ask him out
But oh my god, you really want to date him
"Do you want to go out with me?"
He looks at you shocked, his mouth on the floor. At first, he thinks you're trying to pull a prank on him or making fun of him, but you're dead serious
"Oh- W-w-what?"
"Do you want to go out with.... me?" You gesture to yourself at the end, your confidence quickly fading in fear you were about to be rejected
"Uh-uh-uh, um...y-ye-yeah. I'd l-l-l-love to."
Now it's your turn to blush and you smile, "Great. That's great. So what now?"
"I don't know..."
It's a little awkward at first, but you both eventually get over it
His friends tease him, but Bill always brings up about how they're all single [It usually ends the teasing]
He always dresses up whenever he's going to see you
He just wants to look his best
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Eddie Kaspbrak
You meet at his favorite place, the pharmacy
He knew who you were and you vaguely knew who he was
He had a huge crush on you and when he saw you, he nearly shit bricks
He quickly put the stuff he was holding back on the shelf, while accidentally knocking stuff down
"Uh, you're Eddie, right?"
He awkwardly laughs, his face turning a light red, "Uh, yeah. Y/n?"
"Yeah. What are you doing?"
"Nothing!" He's quick and nearly yells it at you, causing you to flinch back. He instantly felt bad about it
You only knew two things about Eddie; He's a germaphobe and his mom is crazy
"You're that germaphobe, right?"
His eyes widen and he quickly shakes his head, "No! I'm not scared of germs. That's crazy," He laughs it off, moving his hand back and forth. He blushes when hearing you laugh and he looks away from you
"You're really cute. Do you want to hang out?"
"Hang out? You and me?"
"Yeah, there's actually a diner close by-"
"Of course. I mean yeah, that'd be cool"
You start hanging out more after that and Eddie is secretly losing his mind
You're hanging out with him
Wow- He feels like he's dreaming
When you ask him to be your boyfriend, he's sure that he's dead and in heaven
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Richie Tozier
You both fucking hate each other when you first met
You bully the hell out of each other, trying to get the last word
"Why are you late?"
"Sorry, I was fucking your mom."
"Well, I'm glad you could enjoy someone's mom since you don't have one"
He rolls his eyes, mocking you, because he has no insult to throw back without sounding like he was offended
Things change when he gets older and he realizes that he likes you
it started when he'd see things in his everyday life that reminded him of you
At first he was irritated and he wanted to destroy those things [Flowers, rocks, tree bark, a cloud, the way his food is placed, a game/game character, etc]
But then, he realized these things made him happy. You made him happy, even when he tried to fight it
He began to cherish these things and anything he could preserve and keep, he would
He has a shrine dedicated to those things. Nothing ever directly linked to you, but just things that make his mind go to you
Neither of you will ask the other out, because you two are two prideful- Actually, it'll be an accident when one of you confesses
You two will be fighting and one of you will comment about how the other is pretty/handsome as an insult and the other turns around and is like "You like me?" You'll be blushing and the person who insulted the other will deny it, but whoever was insulted will be like "I like you two."
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Stanley Uris
Stan is very mature for a boy his age and that's what attracts you to him
He doesn't really notice you at first, because he doesn't have time for dating and he's more worried about keeping his things in order
You try approaching him multiple times, but you usually get shrugged off
You can go to the temple and wait until after Prayer hall, Shacharit, or the morning blessings, but he'll probably spot you and avoid you. If you're not Jewish, you'll approach his father, the Rabbi, telling him about your interest in the culture
"You can't just be Jewish. You know that right? It's a long progress-"
"I'm okay with that. I'm interested in the culture, language, and history"
He's impressed with your knowledge and interest that he's willing to take you under his wing
Stanley then becomes jealous, because you're becoming closer with his father than he ever was
You get progressively better at speaking from The Torah
"There's this girl who keeps coming to the Temple. I've been avoiding-"
"Wait, there's a girl who's actively seeking you out and you're avoiding her??? Because???"
Stanley rolls his eyes, "It-"
"Is she ugly?"
"No-"
"Are you gay?"
"What? No-"
"Then why are you avoiding her?"
"It's stupid-"
"Spit it out."
"Well, she's not even Jewish, but my dad treats her like she's been going to the Temple her whole life. So, she learns a little Hebrew so what? Anyone can do that."
"Oh, you're jealous and have daddy issues. Got it"
His father acts kind of like your dad. Tries setting you up with a good guy so you'd be set for later in life. Get you incredible connections
When you'll finally get him alone, he busts. He yells at you and he realizes all his anger about his father out on you
Though, when he sees you cry, he quickly stops and he feels so bad
He didn't mean to make you cry. God he felt so bad
He quickly apologizes and this creates a friendship between you both
You can tell him any secret. He'll never tell a soul
You can depend on him for anything. You're the only thing his father likes about him
"Why can't you have Y/n's dedication? She wasn't even born into a Jewish family."
He complains to you about his father, and you're always open to listen to him
Though, he's scared of nearly everything, so you usually are the braver one in the relationship
You have to beg him to go anywhere with you, because he doesn't like being around people
He just sticks with you the entire time
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Beverly Marsh
She was very confident when approaching you, but it was fake
She's the type of person to lean on some boxes and then they fall over
She loves brushing and playing with your hair
She thinks it [your hair] is so pretty
She'll hum to you while she brushes it/plays with it
She asked you out. She was very bold about it
She goes after what she wants and she wants you
She'll make sure the moment is perfect
You're alone and the night is beautiful [Though nothing like you]. The wind is blowing just right and the light from one of the post is shinning your face like a halo
If you ever get into a fight with her, she'll avoid you for days/weeks
She doesn't want to, but it's a tactic she knows will get you crawling back
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Mike Hanlon
He puts your needs before his own
He's sweet and whenever you have a problem he's always there to listen
He's a smart kid and will always help you with your homework
And by help, I mean he'll do it for you
Hope you like band music, because that's his favorite type of music
He does have a tiny little issue where he lies to make you happy. He's scared of losing you and just wants to keep you close
He doesn't do it on purpose, it kind of just happens
When you find out, you're livid and he understands, but he doesn't apologize. He think he's doing the right thing
You can be mad at him, but you'll always get over it, because you can never be mad at him for long
He doesn't gaslight you on purpose, but he does do it sometimes
"So what, you don't love me anymore?"
"Of course I love you!"
"Well, you're sure not acting like it-"
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Ben Hanscom
He's really insecure about himself and his weight, thankfully you make him not feel like he's a pig
In fact, you don't mention it all; It's not something you notice
You always pick up when he's sad and always do whatever it takes to cheer him up
You try and help him cope with it healthy
Though, as he gets older, he starts to work out and you go with him. You don't want him to feel like everyone's staring at him or something
Whenever he's feeling like people are judging or staring you'll always divert attention to yourself, whether it's wearing something crazy or just making yourself look different and wild, you're willing to have people judge you as long as he doesn't feel judged [Does that make sense?]
He never judges you. In fact, he thinks you're way to good for him
Everything you do for him just makes him realize you're to good for him
If you're ever insecure, he's surprised
"What? You're like the prettiest person in the world! " He's absolutely flabbergasted
Absolutely adores you and follows you like a puppy
Practically attached to your hip
Bro's a little dependent on you ngl
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flowerui · 2 months
Text
♫ three little words (dedicate them to me), cyj
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fluff, 4.8k words ୨୧ oh my god they were roommates :0 sorry to any academic weapons reading, im projecting a bit as an academic failure lol
wherein it only takes you about twenty-nine years to realize you're in love with your best friend... at least you got there!
꒰ requested. gender neutral reader (no pronouns or gendered terms used), reader is younger, unspecified age difference (but its implied that theyre very close in age), childhood friends to lovers, nonidol au, roommates, idiots in love, time skips, aging up, alcohol/drinking, a bit dialogue heavy, vomit is mentioned a few times, friend group ot4 ꒱
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It’s hard to recall a time without Yeonjun; he appeared one day and stuck to you, almost as if he were a stubborn thorn in your side (said endearingly, of course).
It must’ve been when you were still in kindergarten—right, Yeonjun and his parents had moved in next door, and your moms both became friends and arranged a play date. Yeonjun had brought his PlayStation over and let you play it with him, so, obviously, to five-year-old you, that made the two of you best friends right away.
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“Are you almost done?” Yeonjun bemoans from your bedroom floor, urging you to look up from your piles of textbooks and worksheets finally.
“No, I told you I needed to study and that you should go to your own house, you bum. Just ‘cause you don’t give a shit about your education doesn't mean I don’t.”
“You almost flunked last year. And you’re only studying because your mom saw you got a three out of a hundred on your algebra test,” Yeonjun deadpans, “how do you even score that bad?” Ugh, lucky, naturally academically gifted asshole. You roll your eyes and toss a pencil at his stupid face.
“Whatever,” you grumble, it’s not your fault you can’t be an academic weapon, and that school is whooping your ass instead with academics as a weapon. “I feel like my brain is about to start leaking out of my ears anyway, wanna go to yours?”
Yeonjun grins, sitting up from your floor with a start, finally regaining some of his earlier excitement before he had to wait nearly four hours (all of which were spent pestering you) while you attempted to study. “I ditched school yesterday to get a copy of Resident Evil 4 from GameStop.”
“What the hell—and you didn’t invite me?” you whine, “That’s cold, you better let me try it first.”
It’s hours later into the evening when you’re watching Yeonjun attempt to get through the wretched cabin section that you died approximately… thirteen times trying to get through, that he says, “You remember that guy, Taehyun, right? In my AP History class.”
“Mhm,” you hum, blinking your bleary eyes at Yeonjun’s TV screen from your very comfortable spot on his couch.
“He doesn’t usually talk a whole lot to me, but today, I couldn’t get him to shut up,” Yeonjun huffs a laugh as he maneuvers the character, Leon, up the stairs on screen, seemingly making it farther than you could. “He was complaining though, ‘cause he was partnered with this person who was into me. He couldn’t get any work done, they were just bugging him about me.”
You tear your focus from the TV to look at the side of Yeonjun’s face, you can see part of his furrowed brow and pursed lips. “Oh.”
It doesn’t surprise you that a lot of people seem to be interested in Yeonjun at school. In middle school, people started coming up to you, asking if you’d put in a good word for them with Yeonjun, because they ‘like-liked’ him, and you were his best friend. Then, it was at the end of eighth grade that you started telling those people to grow a pair and talk to him themselves.
You suppose you kind of understand. Yeonjun’s nice when he’s not being a little shit… and he’s not horrible to look at, one might even say he’s good-looking.
“Are you into them?” The question seems to roll off your tongue easily, but you’re not even sure why you asked, you don’t think you want to know. For some reason, thinking about it churns your stomach a bit.
“...No, I mean, they’re pretty, but,” Yeonjun sighs, tossing his controller to the side as he dies a second time. “they seem kinda… much. I dunno, Taehyun said they literally wouldn’t talk to him about anything besides me the entire class. It kinda weirded me out.”
“Hm, yeah.” You hum, a weird feeling of… relief washing over you. Yeonjun’s mom comes in to ask if you’re staying for dinner before you can think about it too hard.
Later that night, when you’re stuck staring blankly at your ceiling, you decide you were just relieved that Yeonjun wasn’t going to end up with some overly possessive weirdo. It’d suck to lose your best friend that way.
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“Please do not throw up, because if you throw up, then I’m gonna throw up.”
“I’m not gonna throw up,” Yeonjun insists, but it doesn’t sound all too credible with the way he slurs his words, maybe you’ve also had too much to drink, but you swear he looks a little green. “I… am perfectly fine, thank you very much.”
“Uhuh.”
“Don’t ‘uhuh’ me,” Yeonjun grumbles with an attempted glare, you find that you can’t take him all too seriously, though; the flush on his cheeks, his inability to keep his eyes open for more than five seconds, and his perpetual pout make it all too difficult. “Oh, I—I think I’m gonna hurl.” He braces himself against the bar, eyes suddenly more awake.
That would be the reason you end up in a grimy bathroom on your twenty-first, making sure your best friend’s hair is out of the way as he empties the contents of his stomach into a toilet bowl.
“Why’d you drink so much, you know you’re a lightweight.” You ask when Yeonjun seems to be done, frowning as you wipe off his mouth with a paper towel.
“Am not,” he protests petulantly. “I was just—I just felt like it ‘cause I thought it’d make me feel better ‘nd I could stop thinking about other shit.”
“Did something happen?”
“...I stopped seeing that person I told you about.”
“Why? I thought it was going well?” ‘Well’ might be a bit of an overstatement. Like most of Yeonjun’s partners, you didn’t hear a whole lot about this new one, met them once for a brief moment, then didn’t hear of them again. It seems to be a common theme in Yeonjun’s relationships—his fleeting interest, you haven’t figured out if you should say anything about it.
“It was just, um. ‘M not over someone…. I didn’t feel right staying in a relationship knowing I’m still not over someone else.”
Oddly enough, that felt rather sobering to hear. You hum, stomach feeling a little off—you hope you aren’t going to throw up next… “You haven’t told me about that, wanna talk about it? It might feel better than drinking too much and throwing up in a disgusting bathroom. Don’t quote me on that, though.”
Yeonjun blinks slowly, then chuckles, “I’ll tell you about it some other time, I just really want to be in bed right now.”
Instead of getting an Uber or something, you trudge down the sidewalk with a clingier-than-usual Yeonjun, who barely manages to walk in a straight line. You internally celebrate when your apartment building comes into view; one of you seriously needs to get a car.
You have to convince Yeonjun to shower before you, almost like a petulant child. 
And apparently, wanting to be in bed means taking up most of your mattress and hogging your blankets for the night, because when you finish showering, you return to your room to find your bed occupied. You could just steal Yeonjun’s bed for the night… but you end up just crawling into bed beside him, listlessly trying to reclaim your covers.
He never ended up telling you about this mystery person he’s not over.
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“I just don’t think it’s going to work out.” You sigh.
“But why? I thought things between us were going great, I—”
“I’m sorry, I just don’t see this relationship progressing any further.”
“But, I—I told my mom about you! You can’t leave me, I love you!”
“Ugh, you asshole,” you cry out as Yeonjun pretends to cry hysterically and shakes you by your shoulders, “You’re supposed to be taking this seriously and helping me!”
Yeonjun cackles as you shove him away, “I mean he could react like that, couldn’t he?” Then, he sighs and places his hands on your shoulders—not shaking you this time. “Okay, seriously, it’s going to be fine, you’ll be in a public space, so worst case scenario, he embarrasses himself.”
“You’re right… ugh, I’m gonna be late.”
“You’re the one who wanted to rehearse the conversation again.”
Before sending you off, Yeonjun smushes your face, cooing, “Okay, go dump your boyfriend, my duckling, I’ll be waiting here with takeout and beer.”
“You are a grown-ass man.” You deadpan before you’re finally off.
It’s been a good few months since you started seeing this new guy—his name’s Mark, you realized you liked him enough to make things more official after several good dates. But, you’ve already been considering breaking things off with him for a while now; you seem to have this recurring issue when it comes to relationships… You just can’t seem to envision a future that includes your partner, even when it’s going well you ultimately lose interest.
Mark seems like a good guy, too, which makes you feel worse, but it’d be even worse to just lead him on, right? That’s what you continue reminding yourself as you trudge into a nice café that will be tainted by the memory of you dumping a nice guy for the rest of your life. You’ll never be able to enjoy the sweet treats of ‘Arcadia’ ever again.
“Hey, there you are,” Mark smiles as you take the seat across from him.
“Yeah, uh, sorry, I had to help my roommate out.” A fib, even though your mother tells you honesty is the best policy. Well, she lied about Santa and the tooth fairy; besides, your fib sounds nicer than ‘I was rehearsing how to break up with you with my best friend’.
“No worries.”
“Um,” it’s better to just get it over with, you remind yourself, just rip the bandaid off, “so, I wanted to talk to you.”
“Uh oh, that doesn’t sound too good,” Mark chuckles, then clears his throat and continues when you don’t laugh, “What’s up?”
With a deep breath, you let it spill out all at once, “I don’t think this is going to work out, I just don’t see us—this relationship going any further. I’m sorry and I hope you can understand.” Okay, that wasn’t too scary, if you’re ignoring your shaky, clammy palms against your knees.
Mark nods, then looks down at his lap, then back at you, “I guess I should’ve seen it coming, I mean, I’ve seen the way you and your roommate look at each other.”
“Uh… you what?”
“You don’t have to play dumb about it, it’s obvious the both of you are in love. Guess I just liked you so much I hoped I could change your mind.” Mark sighs, “I think I’m gonna… go, sorry.” He says, then leaves you to spiral.
‘Obvious the both of you are in love’? You and Yeonjun? That’s ridiculous, right?
Leaving what was once your favorite café in a daze, you’re suddenly glad that you’d decided to walk instead of drive; you barely register entering your apartment complex, and unlocking your door.
“Hey,” Yeonjun is on the couch, takeout and a pack of beer spread on the coffee table as promised, “how’d it go?”
“It went fine,” you say with a smile that doesn’t quite make its way to your eyes, “he took it as well as he could have.” It’s weird, that you don’t just word vomit out every small detail, like you tend to with Yeonjun. But somehow, something about divulging everything feels weirder, so in a rare twist of events, you keep quiet.
Seemingly taking the hint that that’s going to be all you say for the time being, Yeonjun changes the topic, “Go change so we can eat, the new episode of The Vampire Diaries is literally about to start in like two seconds.”
“What the hell! I didn’t think I was gone for that long!” You shriek and make a run for it to your room to change out of your outside clothes.
Yeonjun snorts when you return, plopping onto the couch while trying to catch your breath. “I lied, there’s still like half an hour.”
“You’re such an asshole,” you hiss, and pummel him with the nearest throw pillow.
“I’m starting to think I’m gonna end up alone,” with a grunt, you tug your blanket up higher, “why’re we both so bad at relationships?”
“Rude,” Yeonjun flicks your forehead, and if you weren’t so cozy, full of food, and three cans of beer drunker, you might’ve sat up to take your revenge. But alas, moving even a mere inch feels like a herculean effort.
“You’re rude,” you stick your tongue out at him childishly. “Y’know I didn’t mean it like that, though, right?”
“I know.”
“Mm. Maybe…” You focus your bleary eyes on Yeonjun’s face above you. Even from this unfortunate angle, from where your head rests on his lap, he looks so… “If we’re not… If we’re still single by the time we’re thirty-four, I think we should just marry each other.”
Yeonjun laughs, “Okay, I think it’s bedtime, don’t you have work in the morning?”
If you hadn’t fallen asleep right then, you might’ve clapped back with a witty response, or you might’ve sat up, and looked at Yeonjun dead in the eyes and told him that you were serious.
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“No, Mom, I am still not in a relationship,” you pause, then sigh, “Yes, I know I’m not getting any younger. And, no, I’m not gonna—wait, what?”
“You heard me, I asked when you’re going to give in and just marry Yeonjun. I like him, he’d be a nice son-in-law, he practically already is at this point!”
Only mothers would have the audacity. You have to pull your phone away from your ear to stare at the outgoing call screen in astonishment. “What… are you talking about?” You ask when you bring your phone back to your ear.
“Oh, c’mon. You’ve been living together since you were what, nineteen? Neither of you dates anymore, you spend all your free time together…You may as well get hitched at this point, instead of denying your poor mother the opportunity of watching her child get married any longer.”
You perk up at the call of your name, seeing two of your coworkers rush over, “Hey—random question—how early do you think is too early to get engaged? Lia’s only been with her partner for like three months, and they’re already engaged! You’ve been with your boyfriend for years, right? And neither of you has proposed?”
“Uh? My… boyfriend?”
“Yeah? Your boyfriend, his name’s Yeonjun, right?”
“Oh, he’s not my… He’s just my best friend.” You’re not sure what’s more embarrassing, the fact that all this time, it seemed like you and Yeonjun were dating, or having to tell two of your coworkers that you are actually painfully single. It doesn’t make it any better that the majority of your coworkers, while nice, are known for gossiping—all mostly harmless.
You expect your mother to make you feel bad about your relationship status (out of love), but not your coworkers.
“It’s weird, lately, I’ve realized that people think me and Yeonjun are together…? My mom even told me to just go and marry him, like?”
“Oh, you poor sweet summer child…”
“Have you still seriously not realized?” Taehyun pipes up beside Kai who regards you with a pitiful look. What’s up with everyone lately? You’re starting to feel like you’re the only one missing something.
“Realized what?”
“Oh, you’re hopeless.” Taehyun laments, looking as if he’s about ready to tear his hair out or reach across the dining table to knock some sense into you.
Ideally, you’d like to think you’re not at all oblivious. But, after many strange occurrences, you can’t help but consider: that you’ve never properly thought of Yeonjun that way—in a romantic sense. He’s always just been Yeonjun; the only person who you know for a fact you can trust with anything, and the only person who will stick with you despite all of your bullshit, like a stubborn thorn you can’t seem to be rid of (not that that’s an issue). He’s your everything, really.
When you imagine your future, you always see him fit in there somehow—but it occurs to you that as someone who’s never had a complete interest in marriage, or any romantic relationships for a long time for that matter, you could imagine walking down the aisle with Yeonjun, and more. Not only that, but you like imagining it.
Oh.
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How dense can one be to fail to realize they’ve been in love with their best friend all this time? After nearly three decades of friendship, it’s seriously taken you this long to get to this conclusion? All those failed relationships you tried so hard to make work, it was all for nothing, because you couldn’t realize what you felt for what you already had! So much time wasted…
“Are you feeling okay?” Yeonjun apparates beside you, a palm carefully tracing circles over your upper back.
You feel bad for how you jolt away from him, seeing the surprise and mild hurt pass over his features in a split second. If you didn’t know Yeonjun like the back of your hand, you might’ve missed it. “...Sorry, I dunno—I’ve been kind of out of it lately, I think I just need to relax.”
“You haven’t been overworking yourself again, have you?”
“No…”
Yeonjun gives you a look as though he doesn’t quite believe you, but drops it. This time, you don’t jump away like frightened prey when he touches you—wraps around your side. “Let’s watch something tonight? I’ve been hearing about this new Kdrama called ‘My Demon’.”
“That sounds straight out of Wattpad… I’ll order the food.”
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“Happy birthday,” Yeonjun sings as he saunters into your bedroom at… way too early in the morning. But all’s forgiven with the realization he comes bearing gifts—food. “What’s that, thirty-four punches I’m gonna have to give you, now? Fuck, you’re old,” he says as he sets down a delectable-looking plate of your favorite breakfast on your nightstand.
“Shut up, you’re older than me.” You narrow your eyes, sitting up to reach for your birthday breakfast.
“And if you punch me thirty-four times, you will not live to see another day, Choi.”
Getting older has meant that your birthdays have become a lot less eventful, but you haven’t quite minded it. They’re spent with your favorite person, anyway, so no complaints on your end.
Yet, somehow, you end up on a beach on the night of your birthday, sitting on a beach towel Yeonjun had neatly spread out and admiring the night sky. You’d had a simple plan to laze around at home all day, eat something good for dinner, drink a little more than you should, and then sleep like the dead. However, Yeonjun had other plans when he’d announced the night before that he was taking you on a day trip the next morning. ‘It’s only a six-hour drive’, he’d said, because he’s insane.
You suppose you had a little more to your original plan… you guess you also intended to profess your newly realized love for your best friend, and potentially ruin about twenty-nine years of friendship if things happened to go wayward. Well, you still intend on getting that over with.
“Happy birthday,” Yeonjun says once more, as he returns from the car with an unopened bottle of wine and two wine glasses. Huh, you guess that’s why he took so long to grab something to drink from the ‘cooler’, actually... do either of you even own a cooler? “Better appreciate this wine, it was pricey.”
“I distinctly recall telling you not to spend much on me this year,” you sigh, but you’re staring down the bottle, “and you already arranged this impromptu trip.”
“Well, I wanted to, it’s not every day you turn thirty-four.” Yeonjun doesn’t add anything else, as he hands you the bottle of wine; you decide not to call out how he can’t meet your eyes properly.
Cabernet Sauvignon 1999, the bottle reads. You don’t know much about wine—you’re not that old yet—just that it usually tastes good. “Is it good? I don’t think I’ve tried Cabernet Sauvignon, have I?”
“You haven’t, I think you’ll like it. It would’ve gone well with dinner.”
You hum, taking a corkscrew handed to you, as Yeonjun takes a seat beside you.
A couple of glasses later, you blurt, “Thanks. For this—the trip, dinner. And the wine. I like it a lot.” It’s not quite what you’d meant to say, in such a stilted manner. You guess you need a little more liquid courage, as you pour yourself another glass.
“I can tell, that’s like your third glass.”
“Shut up,” you grumble, as Yeonjun snorts into his glass. Cheeks warming, you start internally motivating yourself—if being alive for thirty-four years has taught you anything, it’s that everything’s worth a shot. You miss a hundred of the shots you don’t take… or whatever the saying is. “Do you remember that time I said we should just marry each other if we’re still single by thirty-four?”
After a pause, Yeonjun raises a brow, “Yes?”
“I’m surprised you remember that, considering you passed out right after… Are you saying we should get married, then?” Something passes over his features before he turns to you, and laughs something that isn’t exactly humorous, “I think that might be enough wine for you.”
“I’ve only had two glasses.”
“Two-and-a-half,” you correct after glancing down at your half-full glass. “I’m not drunk, maybe a teensy bit tipsy, but—fuck, that’s not the point.”
“What is the point you’re trying to make then? Yeonjun laughs, it almost looks like that familiar glint has returned to his eyes. You’d appreciate it if you weren’t about to implode.
“I, uh,” you clear your throat. Yeonjun continues to regard you with amusement; you vaguely wonder if he’ll still be amused once you manage to get the words—your confession out, or if you’ll go and ruin everything because of some stupid feelings. “Fuck, this is kinda difficult.”
“Okay, um,” maintaining eye contact is a test of your mental strength, which is why you avert your gaze even though you’ve turned to face Yeonjun, as you utter your next sentence, “So, it’s taken me an embarrassingly long time to realize that I’ve, uh, sort of, kind of been in love with you for probably forever. No, I—”
“I’m in love with you,” you rephrase more confidently, yet you end up shrinking in on yourself when the only response you receive is Yeonjun blinking blankly at you. “So, um, you could say something… right about now. Like, you hate me and are kicking me out? Well, ideally, you could say that you feel the same and—”
“Breathe,” Yeonjun reaches over to squeeze your clammy hand. Taking a breath as instructed, you realize you have not been breathing properly since you began speaking. “I was just—you’re being serious? You aren’t just drunk, and you aren’t fucking with me?”
“Two-and-a-half glasses, I’m tipsy at worst,” you reiterate, “and I’m not fucking with you either.”
“Oh.” Yeonjun breathes, which does nothing to assuage the anxiety that feels like it might have colored your face pallid, as it incessantly knocks against your ribcage.
“Oh? C’mon man, I just confessed my love to you, give me a little more than ‘Oh’, I’m nervous as shit right now.”
“Sorry, I was just…” Yeonjun laughs, the asshole laughs. “We really are best friends, huh? I spent all week trying to figure out how to make your birthday special, and confess my love to you at the end of the night. And here you are, beating me to it.”
“You… oh.”
“C’mon man, give me a little more than ‘Oh’, I just told you your love is reciprocated,” Yeonjun laughs as he repeats your previous words, teasing, “I’m nervous as shit, too.”
So, you down the rest of your glass before setting it aside and scooting too close for comfort, and ask, “Can I kiss you?” Because if thirty-four years of life has taught you anything, it’s to not waste any more time.
“Uh… yes.” Yeonjun’s widened eyes dart from both of your eyes, to your lips, and back.
And, so, you close the distance to kiss him. 
Maybe it’s not magical, maybe you don’t feel any supposed sparks or fireworks. But it feels right, like it’s meant to be as you cup Yeonjun’s cheek and shift to curl your hand around his nape. It feels like caressing the petals of a burgundy rose.
(“Have you just always known you loved me? Even when I threw up on you the first time we got drunk?” You ask, a few hours, and a couple more glasses of wine later.
“Ew, but yes, I knew I loved you even then.”
“...Huh. Would you still love me if a witch cursed me and I turned into a worm tomorrow?”
Yeonjun snorts, “A worm?” then he hums in thought, “I would buy the biggest terrarium, and the nicest dirt I can find, and take care of you. I’d find the witch and make her turn you back into a lovely human, too.”
“Good answer,” you smile, leaning over to kiss Yeonjun again, he tastes a little like remnants of Cabernet Sauvignon, deep and red, urging you to kiss him a little deeper. “I love you,” you whisper against his lips when you part.)
Upon thinking about it, not much changes between you and Yeonjun; apart from the kissing, consistently sharing a bed, sober I love you’s, and the other ‘unnecessary PDA’, as Taehyun so kindly put it, while Soobin had fixed the two of you with a disgusted look (you know that deep down somewhere, he’s happy for you both), and Beomgyu shot a thumbs up before going back to hogging the cookies Soobin baked—Kai was more focused on trying to steal some cookies, which he managed.
Your mother had practically wept out of joy when you told her the news, ‘I’m going to see my baby get married! I thought the day would never come!’ she’d cried out, and rushed to tell anyone that would listen to her. Overdramatic, and a little hurtful, by the way… You didn’t even say anything about marriage, either!
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“Hm?” You reluctantly blink your eyes open at the call of your name, to see Yeonjun looking at you with a suspicious grin on his face.
“I love you.”
“...What did you do? I love you too, though, even if I have to become an accomplice.”
“I didn’t do anything bad, I just love you.”
“Mm, you loser. I love you more.”
“Hm, are you sure about that?” Yeonjun hums, your eyes follow him as he sits up and reaches for something from his nightstand, “‘Cause I think I love you more? So much that I’m asking if you’d do me the honor of marrying me.” He says so casually, contrasting how he carefully opens a small, velvety box. It gives a quiet creak as it pops open, revealing a simple silver band. A ring. An engagement ring.
After blinking the fatigue out of your eyes, and confirming that you’re not seeing or hearing things, you sit up with a start, “You—
“You dick, why would you propose to me while I’m half-asleep?!”
“Well, if you said no, I could’ve just written it off as you being tired and mishearing me… I’ll get you a nicer wedding ring, too, if you say yes, that is. Well, I already have one—”
Yeonjun grunts as you throw yourself onto him, “You’re such an idiot, I love you. Yes, I’ll marry you, there’s no question about it.”
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You can’t recall the moment you started loving Yeonjun; maybe it was the day you met and he let you play his PlayStation. Maybe it was in middle school when more people started to see him, or maybe it was in high school…
Maybe you can’t pinpoint the exact moment, maybe you’ve just always loved Yeonjun. It’d be hard not to love him; he’s as beautiful as a white rose—inside and out—one that you’d pluck from the dirt with your bare hands, thorns and all, just to keep to yourself, even if for a little while. Maybe that’s selfish, but you think that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
You part from Yeonjun as your friends and family cheering fills your ears. Feeling like words can’t do your feelings in that moment justice, you kiss him once more, in hopes to convey them a little better.
“I know. I love you,” he says, because he knows you best.
Grinning so happily that your cheeks begin to ache, you properly part from Yeonjun this time, and walk hand-in-hand down the aisle.
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