#npd SHOULDNT mean 'youre an abusive person'

[bananonbinary]

also worth noting that "abusive" doesn't actually mean "irredeemable" either.

there's a lot of people that have done things in the past that were bad, because they weren't taught any better, or they were in an overall toxic situation where EVERYONE was shitty (like a cult), or they were just at an especially low point and hurt others for it.

you don't have to forgive them. you don't have to ever speak to them again. you can be angry with them until you die if you want.

but society cannot function if we don't allow them to move on. to change their behavior and fuck off somewhere else and build meaningful relationships without bothering you again. we need a path for people to change, or nothing ever will.

#like re: the last post #npd SHOULDNT mean 'youre an abusive person' #but also people who have abused people in the past can still become better people in the present #you know? #and as i metioned vaguely in that post. the way we currently treat people with NPD probably CAUSES THEM to lash out at and abuse others #if u abuse someone they lash back out at you and suddenly theres fun mutual abuse happening #so they need a way out of that cycle

[gec2unow]

ppl will pretend theyre sooooo woke but the second someone's like hey when we say support all mentally ill ppl we mean the ppl with ~scary~ disorders too theyll just clam the fuck up lmao. so sick of seeing people on here who are self proclaimed leftists complaining about "narcissistic abuse" and shit. like it's all uwu to talk about how it's okay to need to take a break bc of your anxiety!! but the second someone says hey it's okay to exist as a person with npd or antisocial personality disorder yall start acting like a freak.

sometimes people are mentally ill in ways you're not going to like and if your beliefs don't encompass treating them like human beings still i shouldnt need to tell you that's shitty.

#personal #god. boils my fucking blood lmao

[whack-a-moron]

can you stay out of npd tags so people can feel safe and genuinely try to heal? esp the healing from npd tag a lot of them truly are and seeing people putting down the community can really hurt that, youre totally right itd just be best to do it in the right tags yknow? also jsyk furious goldfish advocates for eugenics against people with npd and really shouldnt be spread around

I tag things with what they’re relevant to. Nothing more, nothing less. Guaranteed people without NPD or who’ve suffered narcissistic abuse browse the tags just as people with NPD do.

If people don’t like my posts or my content, the block button exists.

If they want to debate with me respectfully or want me to clarify about whatever I said that made them upset, they’re welcome to.

But if they come at me in asshole-mode, they’re going to get asshole-mode in return (and I don’t know what else they expect when my url is Whack-A-Moron).

I give as much respect as I’m given, nothing more or less than that.

As for furiousgoldfish, I don’t know what you’re talking about with advocating eugenics but I don’t really follow them so I don’t know their post history and I don’t care to dig through every persons’ blog I reblog from just to research whether they meet an acceptable standard of “purity” according to tumblr politics.

Nor am I going to mindlessly start blackballing blogs because Random Tumblr Anon Said They’re Problematic because at least half of the fucktards on this website wouldn’t know “Problematic” if it bit them on the ass and love mindlessly throwing around buzzwords and damning labels.

And even if I do follow or reblog from someone else, it doesn’t mean I agree with everything they say or do, and I don’t have to either. That’s the great thing about critical thinking. I can recognize that even shitty people are right sometimes and still acknowledge the rest of the time they’re shitty people with views I don’t agree with. Hell, I’ll acknowledge my worst enemies are right if they actually know what they’re talking about, and still continue to not like them regardless of the fact they were right that one time.

Regardless of whether they made a shitty post somewhere else, that doesn’t negate that I’m going to reblog a post from someone if the information in their post is credible in-line with other credible sources.

There are a lot of things in general that I see and don’t reblog here because the information either seems sketchy or I don’t have a reasonable basis of knowledge to either support or disprove the content of the post.

I’m sure people think I just mindlessly post everything I see that vaguely tickles my fancy in a whimsical moment of brain dead conformity but I filter my content very critically (I have quite a few posts sitting in drafts pending my own personal investigation into whether the information checks out or not when I care to find the time).

Just because I reblog one post from someone that holds reasonable basis in fact doesn’t mean I’m going to start mindlessly reblogging their shitty takes like eugenics with full-hearted agreement just because some of their other posts check out.

Black and white thinking is pretty dangerous, actually.

[violentviolette]

hi! I saw your recent post about Bakugou having ASPD and in it you mention Todoroki and Izuku and so I was wondering if you wouldnt mind sharing what your headcanons for the other characters were, if you have any?

hhhhh oh man anon. i have... So Many. u have unlocked one of my many soap boxes so strap in. sorry to everyone who didnt sign up for anime when they followed this blog but frankly, thats on u.

SO OKAY I have many nuerodivergent headcanons for the BNHA kids (im assuming thats what u mean here when u say headcanons) so to keep this post shorter than my last novel i’ll just list them and give little blurbs and then if u want more elaboration on certain characters just let me know

Katsuki: comorbid aspd/npd with a smattering of issues from childhood abuse. I wouldnt say katsuki necessarily has ptsd from that (altho he 100% has it after the kamino incident) but i do think he has some lasting issues which we see in how he relates to todoroki (the provisional liscence class chapters with the kids specifically i feel like highlights these things really well imo)

Todoroki: cPTSD & autism. I think shoto is a great positive example of a character on the spectrum. a lot of fandom likes to joke about his “obliviousness” and how he takes everything so literally and has such a flat affect, but imo all of those traits make much more sense when viewed from the perspective of someone whose autistic. Todoroki is smart and kind, but he struggles with identifying his own emotions and the emotions of others, he takes things at face value because he’s bad at reading social ques and emotional tone. he has a hard time handling and processing his own feelings and emotions, often becoming extremely overwhelmed by them. but i also think his PTSD factors deeply into how his autism presents itself, making him much more prone to internalizing his feelings and emotions as opposed to say, Izuku. Todoroki isnt allowed to freely experience and express his emotions during childhood and so instead he turns them off, something thats common for autistic people in abusive situations. feelings are so overwhelming that when all ur feeling is bad feelings, its easier to feel nothing. which is why we see him struggle even to allow himself to feel positive or happy feelings in the present

Izuku: I mean Izuku is like the PRIME example of a character with both adhd & autism. he’s hyperactive, highly distractable, needs tons of stimulation, he STIMS, oh man the stimming. Izuku stims so much all the time and i love it. this boy is so squirmy he CANNOT sit still. heros and all might specifically are his obvious hyperfixations, he attaches large amounts of emotion into his personal objects, he’s deeply empathetic and caring, and because he grew up in a kind, loving environment, his emotions arent blunted and internalized like Todorokis and hes highly excitable and gets emotional easily. this also makes him prone to anxiety, as his emotions are always so close to the surface and his high empathy makes him constantly worry about everyone around him.

Toga: bpd, altho i say this with a BIG caveat. because i understand that the stereotype of the “crazy psycho bpd ex-girlfriend” trope exists and is shit garbage, and so i definitely would side with people with bpd if they feel this perpetuates too many negative stereotypes since toga is a villain. but i do think u could make a good case for her having bpd in a realistic and authentic way and not just as a stereotype. im someone who id’s with villains a lot and doesnt see them as like, negative characters who u shouldnt ever identify with or ur a monster respectability politics type shit. i think good villains are ones that feel human and relatable, but i do agree that perpetuating negative stereotypes isnt good representation (lets not talk about magma because i cant have that conversation civilly).

Iida: I think u could make a good argument that Iida has ocd, but he’s not one of my favorite characters so i dont have a whole lot of contextual evidence at the ready, my apologies

Dabi & Shigi: i mean the league in general is team ptsd but these two shitheads are definitely the king and queen of the whole affair. i feel like i dont even need to really explain this one just go read their backstory chapters (in this house the reality is that dabi is touya todoroki and thats just an accepted fact we will not entertain any fake news to the contrary).

and those are pretty much it! I do think theres a smattering of other things among the characters like Shinsou definitely has depression, Kirishima clearly has some anxiety and self worth stuff, Amajiki is riddled with axiety, ect. but yea, for the most part those are my basic thoughts. thanks for giving me the chance to ramble anon

#bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #izuku mydoria #toga himiko #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #bnha izuku #bnha todoroki #bakugou headcanons #bnha #mha #jack.speaks #anon

[textsfromtheborderline]

When a psychopathic Narcissist asks you to marry them, run away with them, and live with them happily ever after in a house in the middle of nowhere…what do you do?

This sounds like the premise of a slasher horror movie, but I was once faced with this exact choice in August of 2016.

At the time, I did not know that I had BPD. All I had just discovered was that the person who I loved madly was a psychopathic Narcissist. As far as life-defining moments go, this one still makes the top of my list. All the research I was finding at the time was stigma infused and utterly shocking. I was appalled at what I was learning about Narcissism; I was even more repulsed, scared, and heartbroken by what this meant for our relationship.

My Narc and I had known each other for a long time, seven years to be exact. We’d had on-and-off periods, with the most recent one being from the summer of 2013 to my Narc’s sudden reappearance in May of 2016. It didn’t take long for her to turn my life upside down, of course, but what I remember the most was the thrill of it all.

Just days into our renewed contact with each other, she sent me a lovely text message that was as vibrant and promising as the blooming weather:

Hey I had this wonderful plan. I plan on buying a lot of land in the middle of nowhere, on which I’d put an ‘eco home’. I’d grow my own food and have a horse as well as my small pet now. Wanna come?? (Serious offer). Remember when we used to dream about this stuff in high school? Well guess what, it can happen now! Haha.

The thought of living with my best friend was already dreamy. We had indeed planned to move in together ever since high school. I think it really speaks to how deeply we had grown to be comfortable in each other’s presence, how close we’d become, to the point that our future plans always included each other without question. Of course, these were also the early indicators of co-dependency, but we just did not know it at the time.

We were quite happy to chat excitedly over the phone while we browsed interior decorating magazines and giggled about choices of furniture. We sighed over houses we could never afford. We fantasized about places we could never live in, most notably Chicago, because that was where one of our favourite bands was from so obviously we would have to live there, too.

We philosophized over the colours of curtains and which kinds of scented candles we would have upstairs and downstairs. We could have cats or dogs. And better yet, both! Years later, we would quietly discuss the prospect of adopting children and we solemnly vowed that if we weren’t married for love (particularly to each other) by the age of 30, that we may as well never get married at all.

When my Narc used to work exhausting factory night shifts, I would prepare a series of cute text messages for her to read while she was relaxing in the bath after work. Circumstances being what they were, we had to maintain a long-distance relationship at that point. This was my small, imaginary means of greeting her with a kiss on the cheek when she came home.

I would poetically describe a different scenario each night: cooking and eating dinner together, massaging her feet while we watched a movie, taking her coat off at the door and sweeping her into my arms, making her coffee in the morning, going shopping together, having her sneak up behind me and surprise me with a searing kiss while I was working at my computer, bringing her breakfast in bed…my imagination offered an endless supply of domestically blissful scenarios in which we found ourselves, and my Narc was quite a willing and able participant in our shared fantasies.

We meant no harm. I guess that in our minds, we already functioned like a happily married couple. There was just this little thing called reality that kept getting in our way.

Like all the best laid plans, our plan to live together never became a reality. It’s worth pointing out here that my relationship with my Narc was my only most serious and intense one. I have always been a hopeless romantic, but my Narc is truly the first person with which I imagined a life-long future with. I wanted the whole nine yards, as they say: professional fulfillment, personal happiness, a joyful family, and a wife with which to share this miraculous life with.

I was completely captivated by the connection I felt with my Narc. It took my breath away to know that she seemingly reciprocated my feelings and that I was not alone in my visions for the future. I loved her for taking my loneliness away, for encouraging me to explore my desires, and for never once trying to constrain my emotional intensity.

My Narc and I pushed the limits of each other’s imagination with graceful ease, never pausing to wonder for a moment if we were being realistic. We did not care about fracturing reality, about facts and feelings sometimes being mismatched. All we cared about was the high that we got from being together. That was enough. God, that was more than enough.

Over the years, and especially near the end of our relationship, we somehow tacitly gave each other permission for our shared imaginations to become a safe place for us to explore…darker thoughts. Sometimes we would text or email them to each other, despite feeling that it was risqué to put them out there like that.

Yet the rush we got from doing so was incomparable. I was hesitant to share my sexual fantasies with her at first, but she prompted me to be forthright about them. She told me that she didn’t mind at all, and that in fact she wanted me to be even more detailed.

It got to the point that we didn’t even have to wonder if we shared the same needs and wants; we explored everything between us from the most tender, sensual possibilities to rough, careless, wicked trysts that seemed to drip with fiery passion even through the screen.

Our influence on each other was corruptive. In our imaginations, we could do no wrong. Moral considerations paled in comparison to the power of feelings. Whatever we thought of, instantly became our reality. The greatest element of our seduction was the fact that we shared this potent, intoxicating reality.

We were, I supposed, always just on the brink of making our imaginations come true. This lent a kind of super charged energy to our interactions over the years: the promise of something more, just teasingly out of reach, yet conveyed through just a touch or a gaze. I still shiver just thinking about it.

So in truth, my Narc’s marriage proposal shouldn’t have surprised me as much as it did. She’d practically foreshadowed it a few weeks prior during one of our many late-night text fests:

You always catch me off guard. When i really love someone, i want them to be like you…

I guess what i was trying to say is when I was hopelessly in love with my ex, i wish he would’ve had half the devotion of you.

If people put the effort in as you do, no one would be divorced.

When I was a little girl imagining the love of my life and my wedding, it just didn’t cross my mind that I would fall in love head over heels with a psychopathic Narcissist. That kind of reality never factored into my imagination.

But I was abruptly faced with it in August of 2016. I’d spilled my heart and soul out to my Narc, knowing full well that she was a psychopathic Narcissist, and declared my undying love for her. More important than my message, however, was the way in which I said it; to my knowledge, I think that my Narc was exceptionally moved, caught off guard, and immensely pleased, which led her to text:

I don’t know what to say but i know that I’m blessed to have you. And everything that you are and will ever be. I hope its gonna be the rest of our lives.

Then a few moments later, she sent me eight simple words that made my breath catch in my throat:

Marry me and run away with me, ok?

And that’s how it happened: the love of my life just proposed marriage, and even though I had just discovered what NPD was, I was still seriously tempted. I remember being so excited that I ended up staying awake all night evaluating the seriousness of her proposal.

One the one hand, my feelings made no sense. I was struggling to process my already present shock, devastation, heartbreak, and rage regarding her abuse and the discovery of her Narcissism; this clashed viciously with a bewildering tenderness, hope, euphoria, arousal, and undeniable love that swirled within me like an intoxicating brew.

My imagination demanded that I surrendered to the intensity of my feelings, and just as I had become accustomed to doing, I gave into this pattern of fantasizing.

That’s why on the other hand, I was considering how profound our connection was. How striking my Narc’s presence was, and what a gorgeous young woman she was. Deeply troubled and damaged, to be sure, but then again…I already knew that.

I had plunged head first into our relationship from the start and never once wanted to let go, until holding on compromised my very life.

Come to think of it, my Narc is not exactly someone that you can easily say “no” to. We’re both very stubborn when it comes to handling rejection. But my point is that my Narc had an utterly compelling aura and charisma to her, to the point that I just had to share my observations with her:

Tonight there was such an intensity to your eyes. You looked at me once or twice with something that made my heart stop. Now I know I’m not completely unhinged okay. I just noticed a playful, wicked gleam, and something…else. Darker, even. It was fun and honest. Something that made me want to stare at you and never tear my gaze away, something to your sly smile that made me want to say yes to whatever thoughts were rattling around that pretty head of yours.

On the night my Narc proposed marriage, I did not say “yes.” I also didn’t say “no.”

Instead, I lost myself in fantasies of us together, or us against the world. Most interestingly, I found myself revisiting her most human moments:

Her penchant for drinking Dr. Pepper and crunching on Doritos. Her enjoyment of Christmas and assorted Christmas music (especially listening to Michael Buble and Frank Sinatra by the crackling fireplace). Her charming laugh. The way her rare smile illuminated her face. Her strong hands.

The photographs she showed me of her as a baby. Her blue toque. Her love of wearing all black. Her battered MP3 player. Her flowing hair spilled across the pillow, bathed in early morning light. The way she said my name.  

And I never told her any of this, but these were exactly the moments when I knew most profoundly that I was irrevocably in love with her. These were the moments that could not be faked or manipulated. Their truth was fully in how they felt. I wanted us to share those moments for the rest of our lives. Together.

At least, that was the plan.

During the moments when my circumstances overwhelm me, when reality gets in the way of all our plans, I retreat into the house we never lived in together.

This place has become a sort of refuge. I imagine that it’s in the middle of nowhere, in a cleared-out field, surrounded by tall pines. If you listen closely, you can hear a wolf howling in the distance. That’s how very far away from civilization we are.

Every time I came to this house, I would acquire a new identity, a new voice, a new purpose, a new way of being me. It is a place where my Narc and I are allowed to be alone together and to seek pleasure without consequence.

I imagine that the woman I am when I walk into that house is always different than the woman I am when I walk out of it.

Maybe it’s the way I style my hair. Or perhaps it’s the coat I put on. The meals we’ve shared. The things we’ve talked about. The nights we’ve spent. The arguments and reconciliations we’ve endured. The feelings we’ve drowned in. I am so sentimental.

Every room of the house holds a different memory, although my wish to see my Narc there remains the same. This house is where I can freely admit that I want to see her again without needing to castigate myself for this unhealthy thought. I’m simply free to think and to feel. And just like in reality, this is the place where my Narc lets me cradle the filthiest thoughts, but won’t approve or consent to them, which makes me feel dirty for even having them at all.

I am aware that using my imagination like this is known as maladaptive daydreaming. The problem is, I cannot stop. And to be perfectly honest, I cannot stop because I don’t quite want to.

You can speak to me without boundaries. I’m always intrigued by your mind. You never fail to amaze me.

My Narc and I imagined without boundaries. All things considered, this was far safer than living without boundaries. I maintain that the greatest thing we ever did was to make our minds unbound, to not put restrictions on our imaginations by sharing them earnestly and honestly.

But after a while, my mind stopped creating fantastic realities.

I clued into my hollow, aching loneliness in the face of reality. I admitted my deepest fears to my Narc once:

Another thing that frightens me is even if I have all I could ever want in life-including a loving, happy, respectful relationship-I will always somehow crave you.

And no, I don’t mean your False Self or all the ways you pretend; I do mean you.

Turns out I’m a hypocrite, too; I guess that’s only human. I’m worried that in all of my small, quiet moments, like when I’m making coffee, or getting dressed, or before sleep, or when I’m driving somewhere, I’m always going to find you-because I want you to be there.

I can’t give in, but I want to. I think…I also need to. In some moments it’s tiring to pretend otherwise.

I need it like a heart needs blood to beat, and I want it the way a desert wants rain. I used to be ashamed of my feelings for you, especially after I found out about your Narcissism, but not anymore. It’s pointless to carry shame for feelings, and in my case it’s impossible because I literally run on pure, intensified emotion.

You said once that you were glad you found it within yourself to reciprocate the same feeling I gave you (namely, love, only you didn’t admit that). That’s exactly why I need reciprocity, because if I don’t have it, then I feel empty.

Your reciprocity would be my euphoria.

So really, my pain isn’t coming from the fact that I’m in love with someone I can never have; I could have you. We could have each other. That’s not the problem. Sure, I put in place fail safes. Because I know my weaknesses. Many people are here to support me and ensure that I don’t crumble; I made it all but impossible for you to intrude into my life again. 

What I struggle with actually is how right it feels when I’m with you (until it all goes wrong, of course). How easy it would be for me to completely give into what I want.

You.

In the face of these fears, our house in the middle of nowhere became the safest place for me to go, somewhere that her and I could see each other again, far from the mocking world.  A place where this fear is not a fear, but the spark which lights desire and makes us come alive.

Some days I pray we don’t run into each other ever again. Other days there is nothing that I want more than for us to hurtle into each other’s’ arms, just the way we used to do.

But here’s the thing about imagination: it only builds on what you already know.

I know that my Narc is abusive. I know that her cruelty and cold, emotionless façade had become immensely tiresome. I know that I resented her apathy and hated her for every single way that she hurt me.

When I consider what I know, rather than just what I feel, I find that I cannot stay in our house for long. So let me rephrase my original question:

When an abusive psychopathic Narcissist asks you to marry them in order to emotionally manipulate you, insists that you compromise your own health, safety, happiness, and work to run away with them, and implies that you should drop all your family, friends, connections, and goals to be confined to a house in the middle of nowhere…what do you do?

If you follow in my footsteps, you will go No Contact.

Survivors talk about recovering from their abusers, yet no one seems to talk about how hard it is to retrieve your own feelings from them. Recovery is supposed to mean that you hate your abuser, that you despise them, that someday you are numb to them and could care less about their existence.

You’re supposed to change your number. Change your locks. Change cities. You have to stop listening to all the songs you loved. Stop visiting your old haunts. Stop stalking their social media.

You must especially stop having feelings for your abuser. You’re simply not allowed to. It’s wrong. And it’s wrong even more so when you have every reason to celebrate going No Contact with an abusive Narcissist. 

I know all this. But since I am living with BPD, I also know that my feelings just go on and on and on and on. 

I wonder, when will it all end?

In the aftermath of love and abuse, the truth is that I still love my Narc…my abuser. I still wonder about her and what she’s doing. I have to particularly turn my thoughts away from considering if she’s married or if she has any children. I stop myself from wondering where she is and who she is with. I don’t want to know who she’s become. Dwelling on that too much would take away whatever sanity I happen to have left.

And whenever I find myself at the doorstep of that house I imagine for us, I let my hand rest softly on the doorknob. 

Because I still want to find her there when I open the door.

#hold onto the memory...it's all you've got; I know you'll be there to soak up blood lost... #I may do more of these article-style posts! #anyway this one is very important #enjoy! #cluster b #bpd #borderline personality disorder #npd #narcissistic personality disorder #narcissistic #narcissism #Mental Healh #psychology #mental illness #abuse #healing #recovery #resource #article #non-fiction #writing #spilled ink #spilled thoughts

[prunuszensylvanica]

Someone told me that you can recognize the stigma against NPD by how people use 'narcissism' to describe negative traits when you shouldnt. But I think the word just describes anything that is like, focussed on yourself, which can be neutral.. I understand for NPD ppl narcissism can be positive, it can protective, and holding oneself highly isnt necessarilly a bad thing. If you lack confidence or cant uphold the image of confidence, you can fall down some pretty steep slopes ! But narcissism can also mean like, disregarding or not recognizing other peoples feelings and their validity. I think when you combine that with needing to protect oneself and your interests, that may also lead you to taking advantage of people, manipulating people so they view you a certain way, or help you get things, etc. I totally understand not every person with npd is abusive, nor has symptoms manifest the same, nor that it means they don't have feelings and morals ! I understand its coming from something. But I think this is why terms like 'narcisstic abuse' exist, to recognize the specific emotional/behavioural patterns and unique tactics and motivations where one is so heavily focussed on protecting their image. I think it is a useful concept not only for people who do not have NPD(especially those who are not particularly keen on reading people and recognizing unkind behaviours or abuse that are/is more covert (because of ppl w NPDs self preservation instinct)), but also so that people with NPD can recognize when they are dealing with their emotions and needs in unhealthy ways !