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mallowstep · 3 years

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Anyway I was lying on the floor for awhile so some shit that may have just been living in my head:

cw: child abuse, sexual assault

It's gonna b a real hodgepodge tho don't expect any order. Some of them might not be new.

I've referenced it but Tigerstar burns Featherpaw in one of his bonfires.

That is not the only time she is burned.

This is one of the major reasons she doesn't like to be around people cooking.

The triplets are formula fed. Because. Yeah.

They move into their own cribs when they move into the second apartment. Which is kind of the opposite of every recommendation but cribs are fucking expensive.

When Tawnypaw gets her first period she hides it because she's terrified Tigerstar will decide she's old enough to be married.

Stonefur and Leopardfur do get married for tax benefits (which ones? Healthcare, maybe? I'm not sure I just think it's funny so shhhh ignore real tax codes) and he wears his ring on a chain around his neck.

Goldenflower is a nurse

Cinderpelt is Leafpool's godmother

One day I'm going to gather this fucker up and publish it on AO3 collegestuck (homestuck series I adore) style. But not today. Because as soon as I do that I lose the ability to casually post shit and I'm not ready. When? Who knows. Just. One Day.

Skin to skin contact is really important for babies, especially preemies, something Featherpaw uses to argue for more time with them. She likes being around them. Also it makes her feel like — she's not the sickest person in the room which is good for her mental health.

She crashes HARD after about a month in high school. Her health has been declining and she probably only spends...50-70% of the time she's supposed to be there ACTUALLY THERE (if not less), but it hits a Specific breaking point about a month in and she's done.

When Tigerstar first brings Mudfur in, Leopardstar sees him and her brain short circuits

Feathertail's big household chore is laundry because it's pretty much the only one she doesn't have trauma related to

Tigerstar used a cattle prod on her at some point? Possibly multiple points?

Bramblepaw and Stormheart and Stonefur have a group chat titled "our sisters said something that made us go fuck again"

Okay maybe not that EXACT title I'll workshop it but they do have a group chat exclusively for "new fucked up story unlocked"

Stonefur is the least active because Mistyfoot has the best sense of normal/ not normal

Tawnypelt and Feathertail do NOT

Like feathertail will casually bring up being forcibly submerged in an ice bath and Stormheart is like "uhuh hey guys—"

Or Tawnypelt will be like "I mean dad was fine to me worst he did was like have me stand on my tiptoes for like an extended length of time which hurt like a bitch but y'know nothing serious" and then Bramblepaw is like "what the fuck am I supposed to say to that" (to the group chat)

In the few months they live together Leopardstar teaches Tawnypelt some self defense stuff. Not a ton. Less "you might find this empowering" than what Goldenflower does but still a good way to help Tawnypelt start to form an identity

Feathertail loves Greystripe but she also never forgets how little he tried to get her out

(Like he does try but it's not really the heaven or hell effort she would expect. Y'know like. She understands he can't do the impossible but she can't just forget that.

Feathertail does do the bulk of the Parenting. She certainly needs physical help much of the time but she is their primary emotional support and does a good amount of the physical care.

Spending the first few months on a mattress on the floor is again, not good for their mental health, but like. Money.

Mistyfoot has FMLA time to be able to take time off for Feathertail fairly frequently. Like...probably a few days a month? Not sure How Many

She does work some kind of working from home stuff out Possibly? Because like. Money is Good and all. Not sure 100% what that looks like tho.

Feathertail does eventually find some way of making money, because it y'know. Feels good. Gives her...like y'know she's. Struggling often with Feeling like an Adult. She grows up very quickly in some ways but also is still very dependent on others.

Stonefur is the only member of the family there when Tigerstar testifies.

Stormheart struggles because he feels lile Feathertail is treated as More of an Adult than he is. He struggles with a lot of things wrt Feathertail, but that's one

Others include being somewhat embarrassed by the family situation & feeling like he can't properly he Feathertail's brother

Tigerstar destroys all of Mistyfoot's old clothes, including some old tee shirts from Oakheart

It's also really hot for Misty and Feather in the summer. The room gets really really uncomfortable, much like a hot car

Tigerstar makes Featherpaw's examinations with Mudfur as uncomfortable for her as possible, but without the Pretense of kindness as he does with Mistyfoot

Sometimes Tigerstar implies that if Mistyfoot would just submit to him Properly he would move her into the master bedroom with him

He's also not terribly subtle about Mistyfoot's value being exclusively in her ability to carry children. She's not even doing other Wife Things like cooking or cleaning or raising children. Just gonna carry them.

Featherpaw's hygiene related trauma in the hospital is not helped by the fact that she's not allowed to shower alone for safety reasons

Child life does initially try to have her do activities but she's Not Ready for that

Also later on she has 0 problems with people assuming she gave birth at 14. She doesn't understand why other people do. I mean she does eventually but like.

Stormheart, for example, usually tries to qualify Feathertail's relationship to the kids. Adoptive mother. Etc.

Feathertail does not.

The kids sneak into Feathertail's bed for many, many years. She does not mind.

They briefly go through a wanting a dog stage and Feathertail is like "right so can you maybe see why a dog is not going to work for this household"

And then they're like "what about a service dog?" And Feathertail is like "right that doesn't address the problems though."

(Mothpaw, holding Nikki's (American girl doll) book like "THEY trained a service dog" and Feathertail like "you are old enough to understand I have very little strength with which to take care of a dog" and so on.)

Hawkpaw staunchly sees no flaws in Feathertail

Frogpaw and Mothpaw are faster to accept the idea that no adult is perfect.

Frogpaw stays at home for college and that means he ends up pretty close with Mistyfoot, as well as having a different sense of Feathertail as a person

Stormheart and Mothwing have always been close

#mine #human misty au #not tagging all those characters tho nope

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bladekindeyewear · 3 years

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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-10-31

THE SPOOKTOBER SPOOKD8 IS HERE! Time to blog it and hope to the lord of bones that it heavily features the 12-foot Home Depot Skeleton! Continuing from last time.

Will John remember that he should be off protecting the other kids from running off? Or will he search for Vrissy finally, now that he’s spent a literal DAY staring at his house burning down?

> (==>)

This is the last Blood tie with your childhood and the past you were clinging to like a man-child, finally cut. Your psyche is no longer allowed to be....

....Housetrapped.

Now get your Breathy ass over to your more adult responsibilities. Or do something as irresponsible as usual, but more forward focused and thus singularly impressive.

> (==>)

I LITERALLY GASPED

I knew I was a fatally addicted Homestuck fanboy despite the trauma but I didn’t know I was THAT much of a just-over-thirty-year-old fanboy, I literally GASPED out loud. To finally have the joy and confidence for the future that comes with JOHN and KARKAT together IN PERSON and interacting with a common goal.

What a dramatic, perfect shot. This IS Karkat right? That’s what the visuals and my heart and soul said

> (==>)

THEY’RE CLOSE FRIENDS

CLOSE ENOUGH FOR THAT

KARKAT HAS COME SO FAR

Karkat and John conversations are some of the strongest in Homestuck, I ship them as FRIENDS so hard

It brings to mind something I mentioned in the Breath, Blood, and the Flow of Reality explanation/theorypost, which was holy shit SEVEN YEARS AGO wow

I didn’t always understand the appeal of John as a character, ranking him in the middle of my liked characters list. But after a while, I suddenly noticed how enjoyable he was for the things his conversations did to others, making his pesterlogs some of the most enjoyable to read. I wrote the following two years ago, in a character rankings thread, back when we knew jack shit about the import of classes and roles:

“I didn’t really see why I should think John was such an amazing character until I realized his consistent effect on the other party. He’s goofy and doesn’t really understand anything, but he understands just enough about his friends and others to make cutting, hilarious, almost unintentional insights that can change people for the better, even if he’s off the mark. It’s not what he says himself, but what he brings about in others that makes him so great to read. I mean, if you wall him off from everyone else… he kind of fails.

That’s why I take issue with the complaint of protagonist syndrome, here. John is very little by himself, but enhances all the characters around him immensely. Imagine if John were doomed to stay the least powerful and/or game-advancing of the kids and trolls combined; notice how little that would do to the story, or his beneficial role in it.”

John cut himself off from EVERYONE for YEARS in the Candy timeline. He tried to be close to people and just ended up distancing himself from it. He tried to keep himself tied down by his old home and memories of the version of Dad he lost, and all sorts of childish stuff. But that tie is cut, and the bonds he’s forged need to be grasped to bring him out to exercise his maturity, because Breath is futile without real BLOOD.

> (==>)

Awesome shot.

KARKAT: ROUGH DAY, HUH.

youtube

(that was supposed to skip to 2:26 when you click but I couldnt embed it that way -- I haven’t metal geared i just seen clips and super best friends & know some memes)

So many scars. I used to even ship Jane and Karkat a little so they could just be aghast together at everyone’s shenanigans and level criticism at them together, but to think Jane’s fought and hurt Karkat THIS much...

(And yeah, his blood color is shown through his eyes now at this age, that’s correct.)

> (==>)

Oh my fucking god, going from that to Sprite mode that abruptly. XD

This is great.

JOHN: karkat? JOHN: what are you doing here? KARKAT: IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU TOO.

Hah, SO close that Karkat’s immediately critical of NOT being greeted warmly. :)

JOHN: this isn't a battlefield, it's just... KARKAT: THE OBLITERATED, SMOLDERING HUSK OF YOUR FORMER HOME. JOHN: well, yeah. KARKAT: WHICH WAS DESTROYED AS COLLATERAL IN AN ONGOING MILITARY CONFLICT. JOHN: oh all right, fine. JOHN: it just feels weird to call it that. JOHN: i guess i'm used to thinking of home as somewhere far away from all that war stuff.

Yeah John, the burning down from a bomb that was meant for you and ALL of your friends’ children is supposed to shatter you out of that illusion.

I’d continue criticizing, but Karkat’s about to do it for me:

KARKAT: JESUS *CHRIST* JOHN. KARKAT: I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO LIST ALL THE WAYS IN WHICH THAT CONSTITUTES A SHORT-SIGHTED AND PUKE-WORTHILY IGNORANT THING TO SAY TO ME, PERSONALLY. KARKAT: AND FRANKLY I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BOTHER, THANKS TO THE COUNTLESS FIRES I HAVE BEEN PUTTING OUT ALL DAY, THE ONE PRESENTLY CONSUMING YOUR HIVE NOTWITHSTANDING. KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE MADE THINGS GO A BIT MORE SMOOTHLY? JUST A FRACTION? KARKAT: IF YOU HADN'T JUST DECIDED TO WANDER OFF THE INSTANT SHIT STARTED HAPPENING. JOHN: jeez, i'm sorry karkat. JOHN: i had no idea how much time had passed. JOHN: i must have gotten a bit distracted by my house being blown up.

A BIT DISTRACTED. You empty-headed irresponsible guardian.

KARKAT: NOT WANTING TO POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS, BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS WAS A PROBLEM THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WERE UNIQUELY AND MAGICALLY EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH. JOHN: huh? KARKAT: YOU KNOW. KARKAT: WITH YOUR SHOOSH THING. JOHN: my shoosh thing. KARKAT: YOUR SHOOSH THING. KARKAT: THE GUSTY NONSENSE? THE GIFT OF GAS?? KARKAT: YOUR SBURB ALLOCATED BLOW JOB??? JOHN: uh. KARKAT: THE SUPERNATURAL COMMUNION YOU HAVE WITH ALL THINGS WINDY, YOU ASS!! JOHN: oh right, that. JOHN: that would have let me put the fire out, maybe. JOHN: i don't think there's anything in my skillset that would have unexploded my house though. KARKAT: THAT'S FAIR.

Mhmm. Many of the characters in Candy AND Meat are currently in a situation where due to either years of unpractice in a worshipful society that discourages it by fueling their insecurities or inability to due to confinement in a years-long space trip has caused them to AVOID using their powers for the main beginning stretch of our new story. People have complained about them outright “forgetting” to use their powers, and they’re right, to an extent, but it’s story-justified. They’re almost all physically or psychologically prevented from doing so! But those walls are coming down, starting now. They’re going to come back into their own. And we’re bound to see a LOT MORE of these literal Gods using their abilities to shape the fabric of reality as the story progresses.

JOHN: i suppose i'll add one more notch to the daily tally of crazy stuff that happened which i just have to accept as my life now.

It was all already happening, you just refused TO accept it until now.

JOHN: so... JOHN: what else happened while i was caught up watching the symbolic representation of my former life get consumed in a giant fire ball? KARKAT: OH BOY. WHERE TO START. KARKAT: SO FIRST OFF, IN HINDSIGHT, TODAY WAS PRETTY OBVIOUSLY JUST ONE HUGE BAITED TRAP. KARKAT: I SAY "IN HINDSIGHT", BUT FORTUNATELY IT WAS ALSO EXTREMELY APPARENT EVEN IN FORESIGHT TO THOSE OF US WHO SPENT A FEW SECONDS THINKING ABOUT IT. JOHN: ...right. KARKAT: OH COME ON EGBERT, SERIOUSLY? KARKAT: KIDNAPPING A PERSON OF IMPORTANCE, ONLY TO LET US KNOW PRECISELY WHERE AND ON WHAT OCCASION THEY WOULD BE MOST ACCESSIBLE FOR A RESCUE ATTEMPT? KARKAT: HAVING THAT OCCASION BE NONE OTHER THAN THE CORPSE PARTY OF A HIGHLY NOTEWORTHY POLITICAL FIGURE, WHOSE CASKET MIGHT AS WELL HAVE HAD A GIANT "KICK ME" SIGN DAUBED ON IT? KARKAT: THERE WAS BASICALLY NO WAY IT WASN'T A FRONT FOR SOMETHING HUGE. AND IT WAS! KARKAT: WE HAPPEN TO BE SITTING IN FRONT OF ONE FACET OF THAT HUGENESS AT THIS VERY MOMENT.

Wait. Oh, God.

Someone brought up the possibility that Gamzee might still be revivable by Jane, and I speculated that she’s deliberately CHOOSING not to because she actually doesn’t like him that much or has some semblance of fucking sense left in her.

But what if she PLANNED to have a public funeral for him, and then revive him SOON AFTER to turn him into a Christ-like resurrecting figure? D:

JOHN: well, when you put it like that... JOHN: i guess we all got pranked pretty hard, huh. KARKAT: THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOUR SHITTY NERD PRANKS JOHN. KARKAT: FRANKLY I'M INSULTED THAT YOU THINK SUCH A WORD IS EVEN REMOTELY APPOSITE TO THE PRESENT SITUATION. KARKAT: OTHER THAN TO DESCRIBE THE WAY I AM PERSONALLY BEING "PRANKED" BY REALITY IN HAVING TO EXPLAIN ALL THIS TO YOU.

Pretty much. Get serious, John, actual people are dying by the--

--oh right, he was like this through the apocalypse and death of everyone on Earth.

I guess this is in character. Paradox Space made sure to choose someone empty-headed and disconnected from reality enough to withstand this shit easily. He really is a Breath player.

KARKAT: IT TURNS OUT THAT WE DIDN'T NEED TO PUT SO MUCH EFFORT INTO THE RESCUING YIFFY PART OF THE OPERATION. KARKAT: SHE BASICALLY RESCUED HERSELF WHEN ALL WAS SAID AND DONE. KARKAT: AND TOOK CARE OF KICKING GAMZEE'S CORPSEBOX OVER WHILE SHE WAS AT IT, IN A STUNNING DISPLAY OF EFFICIENCY WHICH THE REST OF US CAN ONLY ASPIRE TO.

Excellent, yeah.

JOHN: it sounds like she'd be a pretty welcome addition to your ranks then. KARKAT: SHE'S A CHILD, YOU MORON.

Yeah, you’re fucking grown up now, John. Stop thinking of the kids as the ones who have to rise up when the adults aren’t all doomed or dead.

KARKAT: THE VRISKAS, PLURAL. JOHN: shit. KARKAT: THEY'VE BOTH BEEN CAPTURED. JOHN: shiiiiiiiit. KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: GREAT WORK KEEPING AN EYE ON THEM, BY THE WAY! KARKAT: YOU LITERALLY HAD ONLY ONE JOB, AND YOU MESSED IT UP IN THE EQUALLY SINGULAR WAY IT WAS POSSIBLE TO DO. JOHN: urgh, i know, i know. ):

At least he messed that part up while he was TRYING to watch them, and not when he wandered off and watched his house burn for a whole day instead of protecting the remaining kids.

KARKAT: JANE'S PLAN FOR THIS CONFLICT HAS THUS FAR CONSISTED ALMOST ENTIRELY OF KIDNAPPING VARIOUS HIGH PROFILE CHILDREN. KARKAT: IT'S BIZARRE. KARKAT: AS THOUGH WE ARE FIGHTING A WAR OF ATTRITION, WHERE THE MAIN RESOURCE BEING UTILIZED IS THE OFFSPRING OF THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET. KARKAT: IF IT WASN'T ONE OF THE CORE TENETS OF HER FASCISTIC PHILOSOPHY, I'D BE TEMPTED TO SAY THAT CURBING REPRODUCTION MIGHT HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA, IF ONLY TO PREVENT THIS KIND OF FUCKSHIT NONSENSE FROM HAPPENING.

Leave it to Karkat to point out the blatant absurdity of Homestuck’s nonsense in any given situation.

JOHN: wait. JOHN: wait a minute. JOHN: you said that both vriskas have been captured, right? KARKAT: EXCUSE ME WHILE I WEEP FOR JOY AT THE REVELATION THAT YOU HAVE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION FOR ONCE. JOHN: okay, well putting that emotional outburst aside for a moment. JOHN: how is that even possible? JOHN: doesn't vriska, the original vriska, still have her magic alien mind control powers? JOHN: it seems like it should be basically impossible for anyone to kidnap her. KARKAT: YOU'VE STUMBLED ASS BACKWARDS ACROSS THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT OF THIS UNFORTUNATE DEVELOPMENT.

...Is Karkat going to put two and two together and realize that Vriska must have been intentionally captured of her own free will for some sort of ploy?

KARKAT: YOU ARE CORRECT, IN THAT WITH HER CASTE-TYPICAL, *COMPLETELY SCIENTIFIC AND NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT MAGICAL* PSYCHOMANIPULATIVE ABILITIES, STAYING OUT OF CROCKER'S REACH SHOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY TRIVIAL FOR SERKET PRIME. KARKAT: EVEN ACCOUNTING FOR THE FACT THAT SAID ABILITIES ARE NOT NEARLY AS POTENT ON HUMANS AS THEY ARE ON FELLOW TROLLS, THEY STILL OUGHT TO HAVE TIPPED ANY ALTERCATION SQUARELY IN HER FAVOR. KARKAT: BUT SOMEHOW, IT DIDN'T! KARKAT: INSTEAD, THINGS APPEAR TO HAVE GONE GLOBES UP IN CLASSIC VRISKITE FASHION, AND NOW ONE OF THE MOST UNEXPECTED AND UNWANTED BUT NEVERTHELESS USEFUL WEAPONS IN OUR ARSENAL IS DOING TIME IN CROCKERJAIL. KARKAT: THAT'S ABOUT ALL WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO GLEAN FROM TAPPING INTO THE BATTERBITCH AIRWAVES, WHICH IS A FANCY TERM FOR EAVESDROPPING ON THOSE OF HER AGENTS WHO TALK A LITTLE TOO LOUDLY IN SEMI-PUBLIC SPACES. JOHN: jeez. JOHN: i really screwed that up, didn't i.

Guh. I guess Karkat is underestimating Vriska a bit or just assuming the worst out of a habit of assuming the worst of everything. (Or, if he has his suspicions, he’s not telling John.)

KARKAT: HAVING SAID ALL OF THAT, AND WITH THE RECOGNITION THAT I AM CHOOSING TO NURSE YOUR BRUISED FEELINGS DURING A PLANET WIDE CONFLICT FOR THE FATE OF MY SPECIES, KARKAT: IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO EXPEDITE YOUR GETTING THE FUCK OVER IT? JOHN: i... hm.

Yeah, use your shoosh-paps from Karkat wisely, John. You needed them.

JOHN: i don't really know? JOHN: this all feels wrong, karkat. JOHN: no offense, but when you're around, it's usually a lot... KARKAT: A LOT WHAT? JOHN: a lot funnier. KARKAT: FUNNIER. JOHN: how to put this. JOHN: normally listening to you go on and on about how much we've fucked everything up is just very funny! JOHN: but now it's just not the same. JOHN: maybe it's part of what's going on with this entire reality? i don't know. JOHN: once upon a time i would have put down your ability to pull a silly rant out of your butt as a fundamental law of physics or something. JOHN: remember back when we first knew each other? JOHN: it felt like all you ever said to me was how much you thought i was screwing up and being a useless asshole. JOHN: and once i realized that you were also just a dumb kid who didn't know what was going on, i started to kind of enjoy it. JOHN: but now it's like... the only one who's still a dumb kid is me, and everyone else has something big and important going on that i just don't understand.

Mhmm, Karkat has every reason to be mad. And everything really, REALLY close to you that you care about is in danger from the very things he’s mad about. Karkat is RIGHT for once with every angry seemingly-exaggerated-but-not word, and that’s throwing you.

JOHN: i thought that i finally got what was going on with this whole war and everything. i wanted to be useful! JOHN: i guess i got a little too wrapped up in the feeling of something finally happening again. JOHN: and then watching it all blow up in my face, kind of literally now that i think about it...

...you think maybe something that happens to be A WAR is actually a big farking deal that you should be serious about??

JOHN: it's hard not to feel even more dejected about the situation than i was before. JOHN: and now even the patented karkat vant rant has lost all its sparkle.

IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.

JOHN: maybe if you had like, painstakingly itemized a list of all the things wrong with my plan in a comically overdone fashion or something. KARKAT: I CONSIDERED IT, BUT HONESTLY THERE WAS SO MUCH WRONG THAT I CONCLUDED THAT THE BEST THING FOR EVERYONE WOULD BE TO NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN. JOHN: oh. okay.

Heheh.

KARKAT: IF WE'RE BEING HONEST, YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A PLAN, JOHN. KARKAT: CALLING IT A PLAN WOULD IMPLY THAT IT WAS A STRUCTURED SEQUENCE OF STEPS DESIGNED TO ACHIEVE A GOAL. KARKAT: WHAT YOU CAME UP WITH WAS A CONVOLUTED MESS WHICH STILL SOMEHOW INVOLVED DOING FUCKALL. KARKAT: AND I USE CONVOLUTED HERE IN THE SAME WAY THAT I WOULD TO DESCRIBE THE FRENZIED DRAWSTICK SCRIBBLES OF A SQUALLING HUMAN INFANT.

All Breath and no Blood? All concept and influence and ephemeral accomplishments and no physical impact or results?

Karkat has been fighting this whole time with physical results in mind. He NEEDS to tie that ephemeral shit down, and once added to his plan, once Breath sweeps the tide of actual sentiment of people, inspires them, you have an actual victory in reach instead of just more attrition.

KARKAT: I APPRECIATE THAT YOU SEEM TO HAVE DUG YOUR PAN OUT OF YOUR OWN CHUTE THE FEW MICROMETERS NECESSARY TO NOTICE THE PRECISE DEGREE TO WHICH THE WORLD IS BEING JUDICIOUSLY BATFUCKED RIGHT NOW.

Really need to dig yourself out more than that, John, yeah.

KARKAT: AS HARD AS IT IS TO BELIEVE, THAT'S A FEAT WHICH NO SMALL NUMBER OF PEOPLE ARE COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF DOING!

(Which is why your plan of attack needs more Breath!)

KARKAT: BUT NOTICING THE PROBLEM AND MAKING MEANINGFUL PROGRESS TOWARDS SOLVING IT ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. KARKAT: THE NEXT TIME YOU GET THE IMPULSE TO "LEND A HAND", YOU'D BE BETTER OFF CANNING IT FOR FIVE MINUTES AND LISTENING TO THOSE OF US WHO'VE BEEN TRYING TO SOLVE IT A LOT LONGER THAN YOU HAVE. KARKAT: THIS ISN'T AN EXERCISE BEING CONDUCTED IN ORDER FOR YOU TO PROVE YOUR PERSONAL DEGREE OF MORAL RECTITUDE. KARKAT: AND IF IT WAS, YOU WOULD HAVE ALREADY FAILED MISERABLY! SO DO YOURSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE A FAVOR AND STOP TREATING IT LIKE ONE. JOHN: well... all right. if you say so karkat.

Phew. Let’s hope he takes Karkat’s gift of a worldbound, arms-in-the-dirt sense of responsibility (Blood) and runs with it.

KARKAT: I DO SAY SO, EMPHATICALLY AND AT GREAT VOLUME. KARKAT: AND NOW THAT MY OBLIGATION TO CATECHIZE YOU ON THE SUBJECT OF YOUR OWN LIFE IS FULFILLED, I HAVE A WAR TO GET BACK TO. JOHN: wait, hold on. KARKAT: OH MY GOD WHAT NOW.

--is it gonna be a hug?

> (==>)

JOHN. Put it together.

JOHN: you can't be leaving already. JOHN: there's... so much we still need to talk about!

No, not that!!

...well, yes, I’m all for more of you two talking but. This ain’t just about you two.

KARKAT: WHAT MORE COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE FOR US TO DISCUSS?? KARKAT: PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME YOU JUST HAD ANOTHER EMOTION THAT WE NEED TO DROP EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO DISSECT. JOHN: no, that's not what i'm talking about at all. JOHN: karkat, we still haven't spoken about *you*! KARKAT: ABOUT ME? JOHN: yes. KARKAT: ABOUT *ME*? JOHN: about you. KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME. JOHN: well... JOHN: you know, how you feel! KARKAT: HOW I FEEL. JOHN: or just... JOHN: argh, i don't know!

This was more of an intervention than a feelings jam, John. I’m not sure John’s in the condition right now to Breathily inspire Karkat somehow and help his war with an idea and drive he didn’t have before -- like he SHOULD eventually -- but I suppose we’re about to see.

JOHN: it's just been so long since we've seen each other. JOHN: all sorts of things have happened in that time, and it doesn't feel right to just not even mention any of it! KARKAT: LIKE WHAT?? JOHN: oh, i don't know karkat, literally anything! JOHN: i mean, look at you. JOHN: you are decked out in a tight body suit and have an eyepatch and everything. there is simply no way there isn't something to discuss there.

You talked with him plenty while NOT in person, though.

> (==>)

Such MOOD. What a good image.

JOHN: or like, forget the eyepatch, we don't have to talk about the eyepatch. JOHN: i feel as though my point still stands? JOHN: there is basically a bottomless well full of stuff to go through. JOHN: i mean we kind of glossed over it when you brought her up earlier, but what about yiffy? JOHN: this might not come across so easily due to human troll cultural boundaries, but her existing is kind of a big deal?? JOHN: i feel like somehow i missed the part where we all sit around and talk about how strange it is that two of our friends went off and had a secret child without any of us knowing! JOHN: is it too much to ask that we have that part now, karkat?

That’s fair. And they DO need to talk about it! But this is sort of like in the Game -- there’s important shit to do, and not a whole lot of time to do it. You’re going to do a lot of talking, but you won’t be able to do all you want with certain people separated from you by the circumstances of how this war is dividing your responsibilities.

JOHN: i mean, maybe it just doesn't mean that much to you. KARKAT: JOHN. JOHN: which is a little strange, given that it ties in to the whole conflict that you had with jade and dave. JOHN: oh god we have to talk about dave. KARKAT: JOHN. KARKAT: FUCKING HELL! KARKAT: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT DAVE. JOHN: no, this is what i mean, karkat. JOHN: we need to talk about dave! KARKAT: HAHA! LIKE SHIT WE DO!! KARKAT: I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW THIS IS EVEN A RELEVANT TOPIC OF CONVERSATION. JOHN: oh come on. JOHN: there's no way you aren't feeling kind of messed up about him, right?

THIS is fair. Karkat does need to talk about this with somebody. Whether John is the right somebody... I guess he is where Dave is concerned. And he has to talk to Jade eventually, too.

JOHN: i know i am. JOHN: whenever i think about how things ended between you two... JOHN: especially now that he's... JOHN: ugh, i'm sorry. i'm SO sorry karkat. sorry doesn't even begin to cover it. JOHN: this whole thing feels so impossibly sad. JOHN: all i'm trying to say is... JOHN: it's not healthy to bottle these feelings up and not acknowledge them. JOHN: even if you aren't feeling anything right now, and i don't for a moment believe that's true, *i* need to talk about dave! JOHN: so can we please just talk about dave for a moment. KARKAT: NNNNGNGNGGGGGGGUUUUUUGUUGHHHHHHHH FINE.

It’s difficult to live in a Daveless world.

KARKAT: IF IT WILL GET YOU TO SHUT UP ABOUT THIS TOPIC FOR EVEN A BRIEF MOMENT, THEN FINE. KARKAT: REGARDLESS OF HOW POINTLESS AN EXERCISE I CONSIDER IT TO BE, I WILL DISCUSS WITH YOU MY "FEELINGS" ABOUT DAVE. JOHN: okay. JOHN: thank you. KARKAT: ARE YOU PREPARED TO BE INUNDATED WITH NONE OTHER THAN AN UNINTERRUPTED SPATE OF HARD, UNEMBELLISHED DATA VIS A VIS MY SWEEPS-SUPPRESSED, BISCUITFELT EMOTIONS ON THE DAVE SITUATION?? KARKAT: WELL HERE GOES.

--it’s not gonna be short, or cut away, is it? --actually it could just switch to a very sad sunset-like vista of the two sitting there, and one poignant line from him followed by a long, hanging pause.

> (==>)

KARKAT: *DEEP BREATH*

A giant expletive isn’t it.

The best sendoff you could give him.

> (==>)

Holy shit. It really IS a rant!

KARKAT: YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I REALLY FEEL ABOUT DAVE? KARKAT: HOW I FEEL IS THAT I WISH THAT EVERYONE WOULD STOP FUCKING BOTHERING ME ABOUT HIM!!! KARKAT: ALRIGHT, SO HE AND JADE GOT HUMAN MARRIED!! BIG DEAL!!! KARKAT: DO PEOPLE FORGET THAT I WAS THERE?? I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS FORGETTING THAT I WAS LITERALLY INVITED TO THE OCCASION. KARKAT: I'VE EVEN COME TO EXPECT THIS KIND OF AMNESIAC BEHAVIOR FROM EVERYONE ELSE, SINCE I ADMIT THAT I DIDN'T EXACTLY STICK AROUND OR ACTUALLY SHOW MY FACE FOR MOST OF THE ORDEAL, BUT YOU EGBERT SHOULD HAVE NO FUCKING EXCUSE! JOHN: wait, karkat, that's not what i KARKAT: SO YEAH! THAT WHOLE THING HAPPENED, AND I CAME TO TERMS WITH WHATEVER THERE WAS TO COME TO TERMS WITH, WHICH WAS FUCKING *NOTHING*, AND THEN I GOT ON WITH THE ACTUAL IMPORTANT BUSINESS OF TRYING TO PREVENT THE WORLD FROM CRUMBLING! KARKAT: WHICH, NOW THAT WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, IS *STILL FUCKING HAPPENING*! KARKAT: I AM UTTERLY APPALLED THAT THIS IS AN INFO MORSEL I KEEP HAVING TO SPOONFEED DOWN YOUR WINDCHUTE EVERY FIVE SECONDS, JOHN, I REALLY AM. KARKAT: I MEAN HOLY SHIT, NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS! KARKAT: AND ONE THING I CAN SAY WITH ABSOLUTE IRONCLAD CERTAINTY IS THAT IF DAVE WERE HERE, HE WOULD SAY THE SAME THING!!

Okay he dealt with it by keeping his hands in the dirt working on hard-fighting responsibilities, yeah, as a Blood player might. But the way he’s ranting about it seems a little-

KARKAT: SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHERE *IS* DAVE?? JOHN: um. KARKAT: I FEEL LIKE IF ANYONE COULD HAVE PREVENTED TODAY FROM DEVOLVING INTO A HEADLESS CLUSTERFUCK, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN... OKAY, MAYBE NOT HIM, BUT AT LEAST HE MIGHT HAVE HELPED DRAG YOU OUT OF YOUR DEPRESSIVE FUGUE A LITTLE SOONER! JOHN: (oh shit.)

Oh SHIT

> (==>)

Oh no... oh no, they’re BOTH about to let it out together.

They’re gonna have to cry it out. Finally, onscreen. THIS is why they weren’t showing us, why they were saving it. It felt so awkward at the time but it’s because it has to culminate in these two, some of the closest to Dave since CHILDHOOD, get to show us the effect on everyone in a microcosm.

KARKAT: NOT ONLY THAT, BUT MAYBE WITH BOTH OF US HERE WE COULD HAVE DISPENSED WITH THIS ENTIRE SORRY TOPIC ONCE AND FOR ALL, IF ONLY FOR YOUR BENEFIT! KARKAT: OH HI DAVE, JOHN SEEMS TO BE UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT THE UNSPOKEN HISTORY BETWEEN US IS OF SUFFICIENT IMPORT THAT WE NEED TO HASH IT OUT THIS VERY SECOND IN FRONT OF THE BLASTED REMAINS OF HIS HOME! KARKAT: yo karkat that does seem to be a strange thing for my best friend john to be concerned about given that he has spent the past five years wallowing in the depths of deepest divorce fever KARKAT: and especially since jade and i have meanwhile been working as part of your resistance with no complaints, but sure, we can brofist each other and arrange our limbs in an unambiguously platonic way KARKAT: a way which is also flawlessly calculated to communicate to everyone present that here are two guys who are totally and unequivocally over each other JOHN: (oh god. you don't...)

Talk about John’s comment about Karkat’s rants not being hilarious in a situation. THIS situation really tugs it out of them. :(

KARKAT: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA DAVE, AND WITH THAT MAYBE THAT WAY WE CAN WASH OUR TOUCH STUMPS OF THIS WHOLE ORDEAL AND NEVER HAVE TO SPEAK OF IT AGAIN! KARKAT: WOULD YOU LIKE THAT, JOHN? KARKAT: WOULD THAT SATISFY YOUR CRAVING FOR CATHARSIS ON THE SUBJECT OF DAVE?? KARKAT: WELL WHY DON'T WE TRY IT THEN. KARKAT: IN FACT, WHY DON'T YOU CALL DAVE AND GET HIM OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! JOHN: (oh my god...)

> (==>)

These visuals are ON POINT. This entire sequence since Karkat showed up is masterfully done.

KARKAT: MAYBE WE SHOULD GET JADE TO COME AS WELL! JOHN: ): KARKAT: FUCK, WHY NOT INVITE FUCKING EVERYONE!!! KARKAT: WHY NOT PRESS "PAUSE" ON THE RACE WAR FOR A MOMENT AND HAVE ONE HUGE FEELINGS JAM LAWNMEAL WHERE WE ALL PUBLICLY EXPATIATE OUR VARIOUS CONVOLUTED EMOTIONS. KARKAT: FORGET PEACE TALKS, GET FUCKING *CROCKER* TO COME! KARKAT: MAYBE THE SIGHT OF A DAVEKAT RECONCILIATION IS THE SECRET KEY TO UNLOCKING THE PART OF HER BRAIN THAT STOPS HER FROM BEING A GENOCIDAL RACIST BITCH!!! KARKAT: HOW COULD WE HAVE POSSIBLY BEEN SO BLIND!!!!!! KARKAT: IF GAMZEE WASN'T DEAD, YOU COULD HAVE INVITED HIM AS WELL! KARKAT: HAHAHA, THAT'S OKAY, WE STILL HAVE A VERITABLE MENAGERIE OF PEOPLE WE KNOW WHO AREN'T DEAD. JOHN: ))))): KARKAT: ALL OF WHOM I AM SURE WILL BE SIMPLY DELIGHTED TO ATTEND WHAT WILL UNDOUBTEDLY BE THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT IN EARTH C'S BULLSHIT HISTORY. KARKAT: IF THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES, EGBERT, THEN I AM PREPARED TO DO IT! KARKAT: DON'T THINK THAT I WON'T!! KARKAT: IF JUST FOR AN *INSTANT* IT WILL GET EVERYONE OFF MY CASE ABOUT THIS, I WILL STAND UP WITH DAVE IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE ***FUCKING WORLD*** AND SOLEMNLY VOW THAT I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT!!!! JOHN: KARKAT!!!!

That last bit with John. I can HEAR the rawness in his voice as he shouts that last bit... he’s about to burst into tears. And Karkat is going to have to with him. And they’ll cry it out together, as they should.

> (==>)

JOHN: ugh, fuck, this is just too much! JOHN: i thought you KNEW! KARKAT: KNEW WHAT??? JOHN: dave's GONE, karkat! JOHN: he's... JOHN: he's dead.

Let’s see it happen.

> (==>)

Just body language, the blow of the words...

JOHN: i didn't mean for you to find out like this at all, i thought... JOHN: i mean, i only heard about it yesterday, but i was convinced someone would have told you already! JOHN: apparently one minute he was there, and the next... JOHN: none of us even know how it happened, and it doesn't make any sense that he's dead, but he is. JOHN: he is dead and he's not coming back. KARKAT: JOHN: talk to me karkat, please. JOHN: please talk to me karkat. KARKAT: KARKAT: HE...

Jade and Rose were on a different part of this battlefield, they didn’t have the ability, time, and/or heart to break the news--

> (==>)

KARKAT: HE DIDN'T EVEN SAY GOODBYE?

aaaaAAAA

What a fucking expression, wow.

And what a regret RoboDave has to have for abandoning everyone without so much as a farewell letter. To think that ditching them like that was IN his Ultimate Soul is going to eat away at him. He may be linked to all of his self of selves, but he’s still an individual with individual regrets.

This was a damned good update. See y’all next time.

(It may be the new meds I’m on, but between this and the thorough love I see put into the unofficial archive, I’m suddenly reminded that despite all the drama, I fucking LOVE Homestuck. Even its current incarnation.)

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #John Egbert #Karkat #Dave Strider #Jane Crocker

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drake-the-incubus · 3 years

Text

This is a gift for @striderhell from the Homestuck Secret Santa 2020 (@homestuckss). I was aiming for 3000 words but uh, Dirk as a muse didn’t want to continue exploring the concept of gender given his rigid but philosophical nature.

I hope this was good, and if not just gimme a shout and I’ll try and come up with something better.

Word Count: 1521 Fandom: Homestuck Characters: Dirk Strider, Roxy Lalonde Relationships: Dirk Strider & Roxy Lalonde (Platonic/Friends)

Additional Notes: Roxy uses He/Him and They/Them, I’ve never finished the epilogues but I love NB Rox. Dirk uses no pronouns in this, as I wanted to try that out.

Please enjoy Dirk exploring his gender.

Sometimes in an effort to define ourselves, we feel trapped to conform to some rigid aspect or label in hopes to reach an understanding of who we are. At times this process can be frustrating and dissatisfying. Other people take weeks or days, and some of them take years or never figure it out.

Perhaps gender, as a construct, can’t be fully understood, but we can understand ourselves as people without it. The tale before you, is only a short of someone who wishes to take a journey many end up doing, and most have never encountered.

Dirk was sitting in a cafe on Earth-C, sipping on a coffee in between tinkering with another pair of shades. The goal was updating and adding a better set of graphics, hoping to add some additional features to make things easier.

It had been a while since the Prince of Heart had seen the rest of the gods. Jake would visit once in a while, and they would have a friendly spar or talk. Roxy would message once in a while, letting Dirk know any spicy news about the rest.

Dave would randomly show up, they would stare each other down before both Striders would give a thumbs up and go their separate ways.

Rose would often come by, trading witty banter and wisdom. Both of them struggled with the massive impact of their god tiers and would often talk about it to one another.

Today though, Dirk decided a change of area would suit this project best, specifically needing to leave the workshop and enjoy some caffeine. Recently a problem developed that would continue to nag at the Prince even through the night. Lack of sleep was the reason why Dirk had picked a coffee shop. It made the most sense.

Gender did not.

Dirk had been going through a lot lately, and when Roxy had come out as trans, it had been taken pretty well by most of them. Not that it would be different if Dirk came out either, but rather that would take knowing what was going on.

This was a laughable moment, since they all had beaten the game, made it out and enjoyed their own little home in the midst of nothing. Creating entire worlds and civilizations with the help of their space and time players, but Dirk was sitting there, in a cafe, trying to figure out what gender even was and how it related to the god’s own identity.

Pronouns were hard, but so was even figuring this shit out. Making a copy of your brain at thirteen was much easier than figuring out if you’re cis or not, and Dirk didn’t know.

The more it was thought about, the more the thought cropped up, what if it turned out the being Cis wasn’t the result. Dirk was absolutely sure about not being a chick, nothing really appealed about that, but then again there was a very similar feeling over the current gender.

Man, agender or woman. Those were the categories that presented themselves currently. Working harder to connect the shades to the newly built chip, Dirk jolted when suddenly Roxy sat down across the table.

“I called out to you, but you didn’t answer.” He said leaning over and looking over the project. “I was wondering what made you change location, you’re pretty adamant to work in your workshop Dirkie.”

“I needed to think, which I was doing when you were calling out to me. Thinking so hard about creating a new line of orange pop with more caffeine than this cup of coffee that the world died out and I was left to only the one set of thoughts for once.”

He raised an eyebrow at that, and crossed his arms. “Really now? You think that I can’t tell something bigger is going on in that Strider head of yours? You’ve come up with projects while having a philosophical discussion with Rose and texting Dave a rap battle. You’re the king of multi-tasking, which also means your attention is usually divided more, and you’re attempting to put a wire on the wrong side of that.”

Dirk frowned and sighed, putting the project down. “Well, I can’t get nothing past you I suppose. I guess one thing that’s on my mind is how much I miss AR, since he was a good source of introspection, then again I have no idea if that would have helped in the first place.” Tapping fingers filled the space between them as the Prince looked outside at the billions of humans and trolls walking over the streets.

“I’ve been contemplating what gender is and how I relate to it since you came out as nonbinary. It’s been making me think about what is my gender, and I’ve come to the conclusion none of them really fit, but that’s also something to worry about since that means I don’t relate to any of the options-“

“Before you go on a long tangent, I want to ask, what are the options?” He interrupted Dirk while cocking his head.

“Agender, man and woman.” Dirk said bluntly, staring at Roxy. The laughter that resulted made the god tip the iconic shades down to stare at Roxy with deadpan orange eyes.

“I get greeted by your eye colour, score! But no, you got it all wrong, gender isn’t rigid categories, it’s a spectrum. You can’t define it by strict labels and there’s too many to count. So you don’t fit in three, there’s millions of genders. Some might not have a word for it right now. I’m nonbinary, but that’s because I’m not a man or a woman completely, I’m somewhere in the middle, closer to a man if I were to describe it as like, a sliding scale. So don’t be in a hurry, and don’t worry if you don’t figure it out.”

“I need to. Not knowing makes things difficult. I know it might be unhealthy to obsess over, but ever since I made Auto Responder, I had the need to understand myself fully and everything about myself.” With an elbow on the table, Dirk took a hand and raked it through the mess of hair. Having done so more than a hundred times earlier, the Prince was sure it was a complete and utter mess at this point, and would need to be taken care of at home.

“Well, I have a list of some of the other more known ones, maybe one of them check out for you?” He offered a tablet.

Dirk took it, and looked over the list of options and each description of it, mumbling under breath before placing the tablet back down with a definite, “I’m going to use Genderless for now and see what happens.” It looked interesting, the excerpt specifically outlined not having a gender at all due to neurodivergence, rather than lacking a gender or having no gender, different from agender. It didn’t feel much different from everything else, but nothing did. Having several of the entries be defined by one’s neurodivergence was weird, but the more thought placed into the concept, the more it felt real to Dirk. Rather it meant that the Prince would have to take Rose up on her offer to get a fully evaluation soon, even if both of them came to the conclusion Dirk was probably neurodivergent and that it wasn’t impactful with how the god had lived life before the game.

“Are there any pronouns I should use for you?”

Pursing lips, Dirk gave a shake of the head. “None preferably. I think I need more time to actually think everything over. I have no positive or negative feelings for anything on there, and so I’m debating on if I’m everything or not. I can figure out how to make an exact replica of my own brain as a teenager, create robots, plot out the exact way I can kiss Jake and even save everyone's lives getting into the game. I’ve designed complex interactions to lead to the outcome I desire, and I can’t even pick a gender. This is quite frankly, ridiculous.”

“You don’t gotta. Dirk, it’s not about just picking a gender, it’s about figuring out a big part of yourself, and something most people don’t do for yours. You figured out you’re gay, now you’re figuring out what else you could be.” He placed a hand on Dirk’s and gave him a smile. “Whatever your result, I’m here for you. Even if you later think you’re a Cis man I’ll still be here for you. We might be siblings but we were friends first and that matters the most to me.”

Dirk gave a snort. “This is so fucking corny, but thanks Rox. I appreciate the love and support. Maybe I can treat you to another coffee since I feel like if I don’t buy one soon I’m going to be kicked out for making a mess of a window table.” Motioning towards the table, and standing up, the god stretched out. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Caramel Macchiato please.”

“Gotcha.”

#homestuck secret santa 2020 #striderhell #I fucking was gonna make this christmas eve but I got busy the past two days #Glad I waited because this Idea was much better #trans nonbinary characters #dirk is amab

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autumnblogs · 3 years

Text

Day 4: You eat a weird bug and don’t even care.

Starting later than usual today because I’ve been absolutely swamped with work. Let’s get down to business to defeat the Huns.

https://homestuck.com/story/644

I’ve never really gotten why John falls asleep here. Seems an odd place to fall asleep, especially with the adrenaline rush that must have been. Maybe he’s passing out from exactly that? Alternatively, maybe Vriska is putting him to sleep.

I also forgot that John Sleeps/Skaian Magicant is split between two flashes.

https://homestuck.com/story/651

Ah here we go. John has what are, if Jade is to be believed, lousy dreams. He dreams of his Dad, of clowns, of baked goods, of Fruit Gushers, of his own symbol, the weird knock-off slimer, and Harry Anderson, before finally Jade appears.

I am not a psychologist or therapist. I am not even anything more than an amateur literary critic. But let me give you my take on that. It’s clear that John is dreaming about all kinds of things that are giving him anxiety here, if Jade’s assessment about his dreams being lousy is true.

Harry Anderson is, as he’ll say later, kind of a weird mutual father figure for him and his Dad, and as a stage magician and comedian, he represents John’s aspirations.

John wants to grow up to be a great stage magician and comedian, and if there’s anything we’ve seen about the Heir of Breath so far, it’s how extremely self-critical he is of his abilities - he’s screwed up every disguise and magic trick he’s tried so far.

The other things are pretty self-explanatory - he’s anxious about his relationship with his Dad, he’s anxious about his Dad’s identity, he’s anxious about his own identity - with the exception of the gushers. Are gushers just symbolizing Sburb for John? Does he have a premonition that the gushers are tainted by the hand of his archnemesis, Betty Crocker? Maybe that one’s just silly.

Maybe they’re all just silly!

https://homestuck.com/story/652

I promise I will have more to say about Jade’s conversations once she is actually introduced, but until then, she is too enigmatic for me to talk about :^)

I will say, if the fact that John is stressing out about everything in his life and just not vocalizing his anxiety, it’s probable that he thinks Jade is just as mysterious as his pals think she is, and is just not talking about it.

I think John, like Jake, is way more intelligent than he lets on, and probably just keeps a lot of things on a simmer, thinking about them without necessarily opening up about them. He talks a lot about surface level stuff for sure, but he seems a lot more hesitant to talk about emotions, theories, that sort of thing. It actually reminds me a lot of how Kim Kitsuragi from Disco Elysium, far from his highly imaginative partner the player character, writes his thoughts down in a notebook to keep track of his through processes, hunches, case details, etc, whereas the Detective organizes everything in an interactive Thought Cabinet that serves as one half of the game’s Inventory and Progression System.

For example, John’s ability to describe and his ability to theorize is on full display in the FAQs that he writes, but when he talks, he’s often just as disorganized as he is everywhere else. Maybe John needs to take up journalling.

Huh. I wonder if Kim is a Prospit Dreamer and the Detective is a Derse Dreamer? That would make a lot of sense. Once @bladekindeyewear finishes playing Disco Elysium (which he is playing at my behest), I’ll see if he’s interested in assigning Lunar Sway, Classes and Aspects to the two of them.

https://homestuck.com/story/665

Dave Owns. The Narrative switches between character perspectives often right before there’s a major climax so that lots of characters can all have climactic encounters in sync with one another.

Eye imagery is on full display here as Dave ascends to the highest point in the building. The Sun over Dave’s house is drawn differently from other abstractions of the Sun in Homestuck, and this particular drawing of the Sun will later be juxtaposed against Terezi’s eyes as Alternia’s Sun burns them out.

The Sun as the Symbol of Light is also juxtaposed with Rose’s eyes later when she uses her seer powers, strengthening the connection between the Sun and Eyes. Near the very beginning of the comic, Rose compares the Sun moving on from the east coast to the west as him casting his lurid gaze on younger parts of the world, or the country. I’m not recalling the exact phrasing at this time.

Lil Cal’s creepy eyes are also highlighted by the Camera here. Through the vehicle of Lil Cal, Lord English is watching and quietly giving approval to all of this.

I choose to interpret the camera’s focus in this flash as giving us a glimpse into what Dave is paying attention to. And boy does Dave notice all of these eyes on him. Between seeing the sun as a malevolent eye watching him, to Lil Cal’s glassy gaze, to the Cameras bro uses to surveil him 24/7, Dave feels like he’s constantly being watched, and I think it’s safe to say it gives him the creeps.

https://homestuck.com/story/673

WV’s self-estimation isn’t much better than John’s.

https://homestuck.com/story/678

I wonder if we can get some insight into the strange minds of the Carapacians in the way that before he’s even finished receiving the commands, WV acts on them. WV is even more impulsive than John.

https://homestuck.com/story/684

Oh yeah, WV’s self-worth is way worse than John’s.

https://homestuck.com/story/685

Luckily almost as soon as his thoughts come, they go. He doesn’t spend too much time brooding over his self-loathing and survivor’s guilt, so good for him.

https://homestuck.com/story/688

A whole bunch of things that are symbolically related to the cast!

While WV’s can town playtime functions as foreshadowing for us, it serves as a replay of the extremely recent past for him, at least in terms of events that we know about.

https://homestuck.com/story/694

The light on Serenity’s belly looks a bit like the Sun, and therefore, an eye.

https://homestuck.com/story/699

The Blue Trees of Can Town call forward to Terezi’s forest, but I don’t think this is probably more substantial than something fun Andrew decided to call back to when he was writing the trolls.

IDK. Maybe Blue Trees = Democracy = Justice?

But Terezi’s brand of justice has nothing to do with Democracy.

https://homestuck.com/story/709

Tab, like GameBro, is an artifact of a bygone age.

https://homestuck.com/story/711

It’s a lot easier to become a citizen of Can Town than it is to become a citizen of the United States!

https://homestuck.com/story/714

I wonder who input all those commands before WV got on board? Maybe whoever was in charge of building these contraptions in the first place - a Carapacian Lab Rat in the Veil.

Always felt like the unseen actors making Sburb run behind the scenes were one of the nicest touches, they lend an air of sinister mystery even beyond the Guardians.

https://homestuck.com/story/721

I am not good at chess.

Maybe sometime, I will have my friend who is good at Chess analyze this game, and see how he feels about it.

https://homestuck.com/story/735

WV’s Self Esteem is very, very bad.

https://homestuck.com/story/752

Our first introduction to the laws of time travel in Homestuck - the past is a place that materially exists, and in only one specific configuration that can be interacted with. You can only bring things forward from the past if nobody else got to them before you. You can’t go back and undo things that somebody else (or you) has already done according to the canonical configuration of events.

https://homestuck.com/story/757

This is ridiculously cool.

Homestuck’s huge climactic story events are arguably one of the things that makes it so special as a story. I can’t think of a story that does such a good job of building up tension in multiple storylines before having them all converge.

https://homestuck.com/story/760

https://homestuck.com/story/765

I wonder what the exact mechanism is by which Jade is aware of the gaming abstractions and commands to the degree that she is? Is it just her Skaian dreams? This could be a one-off gag, but it could also be an indication of a degree of clairvoyance greater than that which I feel like the visions she has as the Prospitian Moon passes through Skaia.

https://homestuck.com/story/768

Jade loves to watch things grow.

It’s a Space Thing.

https://homestuck.com/story/777

According to BladeKindEyeWear’s Inversion Theory Jade’s complicated and carefully orchestrated time loops, which she uses to connect people with possibilities, is an example of her inverting under extreme stress, acting more like a Seer of Time, her opposite, than like a Witch of Space (in much the same way that Rose acts an awful lot like a Witch of Void for much of the comic’s first half!)

I expect a real Seer of Time wouldn’t need quite so many contrivances to keep track of everything going on in the past and future. Eventually, Jade stops using her colourful reminders, which is probably an indicator that she is no longer attempting to play outside of her lane.

https://homestuck.com/story/789

Pretty much all of Jade’s interests cast her immediately as someone with a pretty strong maternal instinct, something that she shares with other heroes of Space. Jade is a caretaker.

Her playthings are dolls so she can roleplay the part of a Mom. She grows oodles of plants, and seems to have a knack for it. She likes animals, and though the only animal in her life takes care of her, she puts in some work to take care of him too.

Her interests definitely mark her as the more classically girly of the two between her and Rose, and like her brother is preoccupied with manhood and Dadliness, Jade seems to preoccupied with Momliness - which is odd, considering that she doesn’t have a maternal figure to aspire to! (Maybe the White Queen?)

https://homestuck.com/story/790

Jade is not of course, only girly. The same way that Dad’s culturally out-of-place baking hobby marks him as transgressively feminine to John’s dismay, Jade’s scientific and artillerist hobbies are transgressively masculine.

Although it’s tempting to say that Jade loves the sciences because Grandpa raised her to, or because she’s aping him after he died, she’s clearly born to it. I think about the question of nature and nurture a lot in Homestuck.

I think on the whole, it falls pretty far to the side of Nature. Characters who share a common ancestry also share common character traits more often than not, even in the absence of shared cultural touchstones, shared geography, shared timeline. The same character only has a limited number of possible choices that they could have made, as Aranea will later say.

On the other hand, some characters turn out very different in one life than they do in another. Dirk doesn’t turn out nearly the psychopath that Bro Strider is by the time that Homestuck Proper concludes.

https://homestuck.com/story/795

Squiddles are, as everyone knows by now, a manifestation of the Dark Gods of the Furthest Ring, but I think there’s more going on with them too - they have kind of a horny energy that I can’t quite place. I’m going to come back to that. Any case, they seem to be one of the symbols that Rose and Jade share in common, although Rose subverts the colorful and cute squiddles into icons more of the extradimensional beasties that they actually represent.

Maybe I think Squiddles are a symbol of horny for the same reason that snakes are lewd to Cherubs - there’s definitely something phallic about tentacles, and definitely something intimate about the idea of becoming someone’s tangle buddy. The very first time I read Rose’s handle, I thought it read Tentacle The Rapist, which I suspect is kinda the point, and some of Andrew’s other works have variously described the process of interacting with tentacles as being molested and so on and so on.

Rose and Jade actually share a huge number of symbols in common between the two of them, which I think is great, but also sad - Rose and Jade clearly actually have quite a lot in common, and the two of them don’t really interact very much.

https://homestuck.com/story/797

I’m going to eventually decode Jade’s fascination with animals too, but for now I want to remark that it’s not just the idea of looking like an animal that excites Jade - it’s the idea of being like an animal that excites her. The exact same little poem is later reiterated by Serenity in WV’s nightmare, as he dreams of losing control of the power of the Ring of Orbs Fourfold and killing everyone he loves. What would be a nightmare for WV though is a fantasy for Jade. The idea of being out of control is thrilling for her.

Dave is also a furry.

https://homestuck.com/story/798

The trappings of a proper gentleman. Monocle. Pipe. Top Hat. Little White Gloves. A proper gentleman without these is a piss poor excuse for a proper gentleman indeed.

SYMBOLS.

https://homestuck.com/story/800

Another spot where Jade is able to interface directly with the audience, in some form or another.

https://homestuck.com/story/802

Jade may have fantasies of transforming into something more animalistic, but she’s not willing to indulge them.

https://homestuck.com/story/803

Jade completely rejects the symbols of witchcraft that Rose so readily embraces.

https://homestuck.com/story/804

Jade contemplates engaging in some Vriskaesque behavior. Is it just because Vriska is watching her? Maybe she’s picking up some Vriska-esque vibes through the feed as the Thief of Light practices her mind control.

https://homestuck.com/story/808

I think it’s safe to say one of two things is going on here.

Jade is either literally cognizant of the audience and interacting with them, putting her on a layer of the story that is quite a lot closer to us than you would expect of someone as innocuous as Jade (maybe the immediate presence of the Fourth Wall upstairs could facilitate that relationship?)

Or Jade has an active imagination, is extremely lonely, and likes to interact with her imaginary audience as a way of projecting a friendly and hospitable demeanor onto the world around her in sort of the exact opposite way that Rose imagines the worst of everything and everyone?

Or, as it often is in Homestuck, it could be both motherfuckin’ things.

https://homestuck.com/story/829

Did I mention Dave is a furry? Dave is totally a furry.

If we read Squiddles as a symbol of intimate contact with living things, Jade’s computer having Squiddles front and center is appropriate - it’s her point of contact to all the people in her life.

Tune in on the morrow to watch Dave’s Bro beat the shit out of him.

Until then, this is Cam signing off, alive and not alone.

#homestuck #liveblogging #commentary #disco elysium #bladekindeyewear #inversion theory #squiddles

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britishassistant · 4 years

Text

Too Many Bridges (I Dig Canals) 1

He was twenty-two when he died.

His mama hadn’t wanted him to move out to West Texas, crying that it wasn’t safe. His dad had soothed that he’d be fine at UTEP, the first one in the family to go to university, a business major, doing them all so proud.

His little sister had said they’d all dealt with much worse in high school, where the teachers screamed at you for speaking Spanish until you could barely remember a word.

His short older sister just snuck a dumb Homestuck backpack into his luggage, filled with the latest volumes of Boruto. He’d liked to read them while eating shitty convenience store ramen at 2AM.

Then he’d run out of cup ramen in his senior year, gone to the 7-11 at 1AM to grab some more, and made the mistake of glancing at a cracker junkie shaking from withdrawal.

Last thing he knew, he was bleeding out around a knife while the druggie tore through his groceries, crooning, “C’mon, c’mon where’s the hit, where is it, I know you’re hiding it.”

He’d only had the strength left to flip the racist fucker off before he finally drifted away.

He wakes as a baby.

The only natural response to this is to begin screaming.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?! Why the fuck is he a baby?! Is everyone a baby when they go to Heaven?! Or wait, his butt’s kinda damp, is this Heaven at all?! Is he in Hell?! Was him flipping off that cracker enough to get him sent to Hell, after all he’s done?! All the masses he’s been to?! For the love of Christ, what’s going on—

A woman with white-blond hair and a tired face leans over him, muttering something harsh-sounding in a foreign language.

A loud and angry sounding man’s voice shouts something from somewhere he can’t see, which startles him into crying harder.

Then a large and callused hand slams down over his mouth, practically smothering him.

The woman’s face looms over him, wrinkled and shadowed like the face of the devil himself, poisonous green eyes glaring at him.

“Damare, kuso gaki.” The devil-woman hisses.

He whimpers.

His hair is green now.

Like a dehydrated shrub left too long in the heat, spiky-dry and almost yellowing at the edges.

And his eyes are purple. As if the green spiky anime hair wasn’t enough to humiliate him.

He misses his mama and his dad and his sisters but thank Jesus they’ll never see him like this.

At least his skin color’s pretty much the same as his last life. If he ended up resembling that fucking junkie who murdered him in any way, shape or form...

Well. All he knows is it wouldn't be pretty.

His new name is Meiun Nobuo.

The devil-woman who would rather smother him in his crib than let him cry apparently gave birth to him.

The deadbeat who cursed him with this eye and hair color and returns most nights stinking of alcohol and rotting fish is the sperm donor.

He misses his real family.

They live in a dock town.

Their house is farthest from the shore, so the scent of rotting fish guts and seagull shit is vaguely bearable. It’s bigger than the fishermen and farmer’s huts and market stalls that make up the rest of the village, with a curved asian roof.

He thinks the sperm donor is in a relatively high position in the village, perhaps an official of some sort. Probably inherited, because he seriously doubts anyone with a brain would elect that drunk deadbeat to any position of authority, but who knows.

He used to think the same thing about the government in his past life, and look what happened there.

Ragged official looking people buzz in and out of the rooms he’s not supposed to enter all day every day. Some of them smile at him if they notice him, lips spread sickeningly wide and eyes sycophantically crinkled.

Others look at him like he’s a nuisance, worthy of only their ire.

As if he asked to be reborn to this fucking paltry excuse for family when he had a perfectly good one back home

The devil-woman isn’t from around here.

That much is obvious in the way she’s constantly ill at ease, snapping at the slightest inconvenience, acting like everyone’s out to get her.

To be fair, a lot of them probably are just for the chance to have some peace and quiet again.

He privately counts himself among that number.

She’s always grumbling about how much better it is in rain, but regardless of the weather her shitty attitude never seems to improve.

She also starts trying to poison him when he turns four.

When his rice tastes weirdly bitter he spits it back into the bowl.

The devil-woman slaps him across the face.

“Eat.” She hisses, forcing his head into the bowl. “I didn’t destroy my body for you to bring shame to the Dokuso name like this. Your great uncle was already immune to neurotoxins by the time he was your age. The least you can do is eat.”

He tries to struggle, to scream for someone to help him, but the devil-woman just forces his head down farther until he swallows every last grain of tainted rice.

His body won’t stop shaking for the rest of the day, every gasp of air feeling like it’s scraping his lungs raw.

It becomes some kind of demented pattern.

He’s poisoned, he suffers, his body adjusts, he’s poisoned again in a new way, rinse and repeat until he seriously finds himself contemplating whether his last death was better than this.

The look of dissatisfaction the devil-woman always wears, as though he’s somehow not doing this (or dying) fast enough for her liking, weighs the argument a lot.

On the days where he’s in less danger of throwing up his guts, he has lessons with a tutor, because of course he fucking does.

Death, taxes and homework: the three constants of existence.

The tutor calls him a prodigy with mathematics, even if his grasp of kanji is shaky.

The deadbeat uses this as an excuse to push some of his work onto a five year old with some garbled line about “carrying on the work of our forefathers”.

He hates this.

He hates it so fucking much.

He prays every night, asking Christ why he’s being tormented like this. He hasn’t got an answer back yet.

He’s gonna make a break for it as soon as he’s old enough to do so. He’s still too young to be allowed out of the house, even for festivals. He also doesn’t receive anything like an allowance yet either, though he suspects that’s more due to the fact that the sperm donor is a cheapskate.

It’s fine. It’ll be fine. He’s already got access to some of the accounts, has proven himself to be a dedicated worker beneath suspicion.

Nobody’ll suspect the kid “carrying on the work of his forefathers” if money begins disappearing, not when there are so many greedy adults around. It’s foolproof.

He’s just gotta wait until he learns where he is and how he can get away.

He can do that. It’ll be fine.

“The daimyō has declared dōjutsu users enemies of the state.” His sperm donor complains one evening. “The Mizukage has authorized the use of deadly force to subdue them.”

The devil-woman sniffs, says something nasally and contrarian back but he can’t hear her over the blood rushing in his ears.

Dōjutsu.

Mizukage.

His mouth is dry. He can’t breathe.

There’s no way—there’s absolutely no fucking way—the tech here is way too primitive, he must be hallucinating, going through withdrawal from not reading his favorite manga for so long.

There’s no way this place could be the same world as Boruto. Besides, Chojuro would never authorize a-a genocide like that, Kagura-kun would be so disappointed in him—

But Kagura-kun’s grandfather wouldn’t have had any problems with it, would he?

It’s not until the devil-woman whacks him over the head and screams at him to get up that he realizes he’s on the floor.

He climbs shakily to his feet.

He endures the scolding quietly.

He goes to his room when dismissed.

He shuts the door behind him and slides down it, trying to muffle the sounds escaping his throat. They could be hysterical laughter or sobs. He really isn’t sure.

Because of course he’s been reborn years before any of the good characters of this series or plot developments that he can clearly remember will make their appearance.

That’s just his fucking luck.

He presses his forehead to his knees and screams.

This revelation helps along his plans, at least.

If he’s in Kiri, then he knows he’s probably on one of the many islands that make up the...peninsula? Archipelago? Fuck, geography was never his strong suit.

But yeah, he’ll need to charter a boat to get to the mainland so he can disappear.

He briefly entertains the idea of becoming a ninja for Kiri, maybe growing up to become one of Chojuro’s aides and Kagura-kun’s mentors. Getting to meet Boruto when that arc comes around.

But no. Or at least, not yet.

Going there before Terumi Mei has had the chance to overthrow Yagura isn’t a good idea, what with the whole “kill everyone else you studied with to become a genin” thing they’ve got going on. Also the people claiming to be his parents might track him down and have him sent back.

Fire Country is probably his best bet to vanish. The ninja there actually care about the populace.

He might even be able to go to Konoha. See Boruto and Sarada and Mitsuki grow up firsthand.

The thought leaves a warm feeling in his chest even as his limbs tremble from the effects of the latest venom for the rest of the week.

It doesn’t last.

Of course it doesn’t.

It’s one thing to know that certain people in the community are slated for death.

It’s a different ballgame entirely to see a mob barge into the sperm donor’s office, howling for blood.

He can only hear the words “kekkai genkai filth” chanted like a curse before the deadbeat is nodding his head and rising, grabbing a huge ass sword from where it’s been gathering dust on the wall.

He tries to shrink back, tries to let the throng pass him without drawing their attention, but a hand grabs his collar and yanks him away from his little table, away from his calculations, and drags him along with the frothing crowd of people with hate in their eyes.

He’s squashed near the back of the herd, but every time he tries to get away there are hands and arms to yank him back into line, hands of men or women or—Jesus, or other kids.

He’s eventually funneled through the doorway of a tiny farmer’s hut, pushed into one of the walls by the crush of people, and he looks up and there’s—

There’s—

Oh God.

Oh Jesus in Heaven have mercy.

He can’t look.

It’s awful, it’s too much, he can’t look, he can’t, he gags, averts his eyes—

He sees the girl in the corner of the room.

She’s crying, mouthing “Mama” to herself over and over.

One of those murderers has seen her too.

The man takes a step towards the girl—

“Stay the fuck away from her!” He yells.

He can’t remember moving. All he knows is he’s now in between the girl and the mob, knees trembling and adrenaline pounding in his ears.

His voice is all shaky and squeaky, not intimidating at all.

He’s scared.

Jesus Christ, he’s so scared.

These monsters just killed that innocent lady for their dumb fucking witch hunt.

What’ll they do to this girl if they get their hands on her?

One of the villagers steps forward and growls, “Outta the way, boy. You don’t wanna get hurt for that thing.”

“Fuck you, asshole!” He screams back.

“Meiun, discipline your fucking brat before we do it for you!” Someone else in the mob shouts.

The sperm donor is pushed to the front and begrudgingly holds out a hand. “Don’t be stupid Nobuo. Get your ass over here, now.”

“Listen to your father!” The demon-woman shrieks from the safety of several people away.

He laughs. He can’t help it. “My father?! You want me to acknowledge that drunken excuse of a sperm donor as a father?! Get real, you fucking hag!! You and him wouldn’t know what real fucking parenting looked like if you fucking murdered it in cold fucking blood!!”

He points at what’s left of the lady. “Because guess what? Looks like ya did!”

“How dare you—” The deadbeat’s gone dark purple.

“No, how dare you?!” His hands are shaking and Christ, there’s no way this can end well, but his mouth won’t stop running. “That lady was a perfectly fucking nice lady, a loving wife and a good mom and you assholes think you can just come out here and murder her for what?! Having something that you don’t?! Being a genuinely good person, like you aren’t?! You’re all just JEALOUS FU—”

Pain explodes in his temple.

A man’s screaming, “SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, YOU KNOW NOTHING YOU LITTLE BASTARD, SHUT UP—”

He tries to raise his arms, tries to fight back, but the man’s swinging too wildly, he can’t stop the blow to the gut that knocks the air out of him.

More arms appear from nowhere, shoving him to the ground, pinning him down, jeers and taunts about how if he loves kekkai genkai filth that much he can join them, see what happens to them.

The knife glints evilly in the light.

He doesn’t wanna die again.

Jesus Christ, he doesn’t wanna die again.

There’s cold for a moment behind his right ear.

And then there’s nothing but agony, red and sharp and pounding pounding pounding and Nobuo is screaming screaming screaming.

Until his throat feels like it’s going to give out.

Until he knows he’ll die like this.

He doesn’t wanna die he doesn’t wanna die he doesn’t wanna die he doesn’t wanna die he doesn’t wanna die he doesn’t wanna die he doesn’t wanna die he doesn’t wanna die Christ—

The sensation is sudden and painful.

Like he’s been punched in the chest again, but in reverse.

Something erupts from him, with enough force to leave him breathless.

The jeers and ugly laughter become screams as pained as his own.

“Shit, he’s one t—?!” is the last thing he hears before a sound like glass shattering over and over overwhelms all other noise, even the terrified shrieks for mercy.

Nobuo’s eyes roll back into his head.

He blacks out.

The right side of his head throbs.

He whimpers in pain, curling in on himself.

“A-are you alright? Are you hurting? I tried to patch you up as best I could...” A soft, sweet voice murmurs.

He cracks open his eyes a sliver to see a dark-haired head with a pretty face hovering over him. The pretty face looks worried, almost scared.

“What...?” He tries to ask, voice croaky as hell. “Where...?”

“Ah, I, uh, took you and ran away after you got those guys off you.” The pretty face explains, averting their eyes for some reason. Their kimono is torn in places. “You-your e-head was bleeding really bad, so I tried to fix it, but I don’t think I did a very good job...”

What?

His hand lifts to the side of his head, feeling cloth sticky with what he can only assume is blood.

And feeling nothing beneath it.

His breathing hitches. He tries to stop it, tries to gulp the panic and fear back down, he can’t cry, he’ll get hit again if he cries, he can’t—

He lets out a sound that can only be described as a wail, shoulders shaking.

There’s movement and he flinches, oh god, he doesn’t want a hit, not now, not when he’s already dealing with this—

Small, thin arms wrap around him, trembling. A head of soft hair buries itself in his other shoulder, and a low voice begins sobbing “I-I’m so-sorry, I-I didn’t, I co-couldn’t stop them, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” in his remaining ear.

A small part of his brain notes that this is the first time he’s been hugged since he woke up as a baby.

They cry for a long, long time.

Finally, when it feels like he’s gonna have a head cold for a week at least, he shrugs his shoulder minutely.

The girl looks up, face blotchy and red.

“You’re that girl, right? What’s your name?” He croaks.

The girl tenses and pulls away a little. “I’m Haku. I’m eight. A-and I-I’m a b-boy.”

“Oh. Sorry.” He rubs the back of his neck, feeling his cheeks flush. Where does he feel like he’s heard that name before...?

“And you are?” Haku prompts.

“M-Meiun Nobuo.” He states with a grimace. “M’ six.”

“Ah...then Official Meiun was...” Haku’s eyes begin to fill with tears again. “Y-your father, and, and your m-mother—”

“God no.” He snaps. “That man impregnated that woman to make me, but father and mother are the last things they can be called. Real parents don’t pull the shit they do on their kids.”

He folds his arms across his chest. “This may’ve sped up my plans, but you did me a favor, taking me with you. I was planning on running away anyway.”

Haku lets out a confused sniffle.“Where were you planning on running away to?”

“Fire Country.” He might puff out his chest a little. “Their ninja actually care about people, and they don’t hate kekkai genkai there.”

“Kekkai genkai...th-that’s what they kept calling me and m-mama...” Fat tears begin rolling Haku’s pretty face.

He shakily slides an arm around the older boy’s shoulders. “Y-you can come with me. If you want. I-I don’t exactly know the way, I was hoping to get some more geography and funds first, b-but I’ll figure something out, I swear.”

Haku takes a few deep, shuddery breaths. “I-I don’t either, but I know how to get to the next village, if that’s okay?”

“That’s great! That’s way better than what I can do!” He assures, giving his traveling companion’s shoulder a pat. “...d’you, like, wanna start going now, or...?”

“Can we stay here for a moment?” Haku asks. “J-just until I can check your head’s okay?”

Meiun Nobuo nods carefully, leaning more against the older boy. “Sure. No rush.”

#my writing #too many bridges (i dig canals)#naruto #one piece #boruto #homestuck #naruto oc #meiun nobuo #haku naruto #tw: violence against children

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lee-karkitty · 4 years

Text

Bloodthirsty Ler

Taglist: @lizzienaut @quezq @hexalianrebel-blackfeathers @ticklish-sprout (just bc i know you used to be into homestuck) @im-not-ticklish (ik you said you'd probably see it but just in case ówò)

Pairings: Established Redrom Rosemary (Rose Lalonde and Kanaya Maryam)

Warnings: homoerotic, but not exactly suggestive; mentions/threats of blood and blood-drinking; swearing; could potentially trigger trauma from being emotionally abused/manipulated, but nothing like that actually happens (i just know from experience) If I missed anything, let me know!

Summary: Kanaya discovers how sensitive Rose is, but soon gets distracted by rainbowdrinker urges. Rose says something that ends up provoking Kanaya more. (no actual drinking takes place)

A/N: This took a lot longer than I expected it to, but it's done! I admit, I don't pay too much attention to Rose or Kanaya, but I still adore the pair! I just don't really know how to write them. Maybe they just didn't have a lot of development in the story? Idk. Set after canon ended and before the epilogues, both 18 human years old. This isn't my best work tbh, but I know there's not NEARLY enough Rosemary out there, let alone Rosemary tickles, and I tried ;-;

Let me know if you want a part 2 tho !! <3

"This is just adorable! You're so precious; I'm not even trying to tickle you!"

"Shhh-haha-hut up, Kanaya! S-stohahahop!" Rose wasn't normally so blunt with her wife (or in general, really), but she couldn't think with all the fluttery electricity in her nervous system.

"I'm not doing anything, darling!" the jadeblood grinned, adoring the flustered mess in her lap. Her ruffled hair, her rare bright smile (not her smirk, her genuine smile), her gorgeous laugh. While admiring her, she started to notice the light blush dusting her cheeks and nose, taunting her bloodlust. Wrestling the urge to drink from Rose right then, she focused on slowly, gently scratching the human's side, right over her ribs, with her sharp black nails.

"The-hehe- the claaahahahahawws! K-Kanay-" She whined, her voice coming out in choked squeaks. "Nohohoho fuck!"

"You are... frighteningly beautiful, Rose. When you laugh. And when you blush.." The victim squealed, turning her head.

"You bloodthihirsty bihihihihitch, stoppit!" Kanaya feigned shock and grabbed her wife by the elbows, swiftly but roughly lifting her from her lap and pinning her to the ground beside her. Rose lied on her back, eyes wide in shock, and Kanaya sat on one hip, her legs underneath her and to the side.

"Now, dear, you know how sensitive I am about my condition," Kanaya whispered ever-so-calmly, sending a chill through Rose. "Maybe... I should show you what a 'bloodthirsty bitch' I am." Rose's eyes were wide with anticipation as Kanaya took both her wrists in one hand and held them above her head. As the rainbowdrinker lowered her head, Rose's eyes fluttered shut, and she turned her head, exposing her neck.

Her eyes shot back open when instead of two fangs, she felt those cruel nails skittering across her neck. She squealed and fell into helpless giggles, shaking her head.

"Rose, would you please stay still?" Kanaya teased, sounding exasperated, but not even bothering to suppress her grin. She took her hands back. Rose giggled for a few more seconds, frantically rubbing away the leftover tickly feelings as she calmed down, beaming at her wife. When Rose slowly brought her arms back down, another idea crossed Kanaya's mind.

Kanaya walked her claws up from Rose's hips, ever-so-slowly, raising her shirt along the way, giggling with her. Maddeningly slowly, ten torturous nails ascended over her sides, pulling a few squeals from her. Once Kanaya's fingers reached just under her ribs, Rose shot her hands back down and pushed at Kanaya's.

"I asked you to stay still," she laughed, switching to scribbling lightly over Rose's tummy.

"H-hahahaha-HOW aham IhI s-suppohosed to doho thahahat?" She couldn't help but squirm. Kanaya abruptly leaned down to her ear, her voice taking on a dark, sadistic tone.

"Because if you don't, I'm going to pierce your veins and drink your candy red blood until you're too exhausted to squirm anymore," she whispered. Rose's face went red, and she shut her eyes, cursing herself for it. Kanaya giggled and kissed her ear, and Rose squeaked and struggled to stay still. After a pause, Kanaya slowly, gently lifted Rose's arms again, firmly planted them to the floor, and brought her own hands back down.

"So keep still for me, okay, love?" Rose choked on a whimper and nodded as her wife raised her hands and slowwwly started wiggling her fingers towards her. Rose balled her hands into fists as she watched bending her arms behind her head, using everything she had to keep them up.

Slower. Slower. Slowwerrrr her fingers lowered. Rose's blush spread to her neck and ears, but she couldn't tear her eyes away.

"Gotcha!" Kanaya skittered her claws up and down her victims sides and over her tummy. Rose's reaction was instant. Rose screamed behind closed lips before dissolving into ticklish laughter, twisting and writhing underneath Kanaya. Rose's eyes squeezed shut and she bent her arms as far down as she could get away with.

"K-Kanayahahaha! Pleeeeheheheheheease!" Rose shook her head frantically. She couldn't stay still with Kanaya torturing her like this! Kanaya just hummed contently, and let her fingers scratch over Rose's ribs, which had proved to be a hyperticklish spot.

"FUCK! FUCKFUhuckfuckfuckfuhuhuck stop!" Her willpower was quickly draining

"Oh, sweetheart, can't you handle just a bit longer? Hm?" Kanaya's fingers slowed to a stop, staying at the top of her ribs, just at her sides. Rose tried desperately to catch her breath, while still feeling after-tickles and those damn fingertips where they started, taunting her.

"Babe, I can't keep my arms up any longer," Rose whined. They twitched even now as she spoke. She felt too helpless- too ticklish- to keep her arms up.

"I'm sure you could if you tried. Unless you want me to feed from you, of course." Kanaya grinned teasingly, wickedly, and Rose felt like a tiny fly caught in a spider's web. At least, that is, if that fly were excruciatingly gay and enjoying every second of its helplessness. She could only respond with a little whine she didn't even realize she had been holding in her throat. Kanaya let out a huff of a laugh and softly poked between two of Rose's ribs, eliciting another squeal before removing herself from the ground and smoothing out her skirt and starting to braid her hair.

Rose watched her, admiring her grace, but frowning at her shift of attention from her. Of course Kanaya noticed, but she said nothing. Trying not to pout, Rose sat up and looked away, setting her arm on her lap and putting her head on her fist.

Okay, maybe she wasn't trying too hard not to pout...

"Don't sulk, Rose. It's just hard to see with my hair in front of my face." Kanaya quickly knelt back down, grabbing both of Rose's wrists. "I had to fix it," she muttered.

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thewebcomicsreview · 4 years

Photo

What’s that? I’m talking about Homestuck too much lately? Well, too bad, it updated and I’m-a livebloggin’ it. This chapter contains a content warning for child abuse and I’m thus putting the rest of this post below a Read More, though I’m live blogging and don’t know what the child abuse content actually is.

Looks like we’re with Jane, so this might be the chapter with Yiffy in it! But probably not, because they’re gonna drag it out. Incidentally, since the rebellion consists of two max-level characters, four god tiers (John, Jake, Rose, and Jade), and now Vriska who is the 8est fighter 8y far, how does Jane even stand a chance? Good thing for her that she pre-emptively took a hostage!

JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.) JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?) JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.) JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)

I do like that Jane, a genocidal human-supremacist dictator, is worried about being “inclusive” in her propaganda. I wonder if she’s starting to drift from Trumphitler into Nancy Pelosi, now. Also interesting: She’s apparently using Gamzee’s death for propaganda value, cool and all, but her superpower is literally raising the dead. I can buy that Jane would rather use her ex-boyfriend for propaganda than revive him, but won’t the people of Earth C have questions?

DIRK: Dude, the bowl. JAKE: Hm? JAKE: Oh, right. JANE: What is it now, Jake. JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well. JANE: You mean the prisoner. JAKE: Y...es.

I realize that Yiffygate made the patreon rocket to the stratosphere, but I hope we’re not actually getting to see her so soon. It’s more fun to speculate. For instance, she’s apparently getting meals in a dog bowl. Is that because she’s literally half dog, moreso than Jade, and is feral in some way? That’s been hinted at a little, but it’s also possible Jane’s just tormenting her to be a bitch. As we saw when she was Crockerfied in Act 6, Jane’s got a bit of a sadistic streak in her.

Well, that was answered pretty fucking fast! Okay, let’s not click next just yet. If we’re only getting one panel to speculate, let’s milk it like a dying webcomic franchise: Preppy bording school outfit, but with cleats, so she’s apparently an athlete. Lots of pink highlights on her outfit (shoes/socks/tie). She’s got a black dog tail, but appears to have light hair? I like this design, actually, or what little of it we’re seeing. I was half-expecting Yiffy to be a full-on Deviantart parody, but I think the angle we’re going here is “a mostly normal girl, besides being part dog, who’s just been absolutely shit on by life and every adult she’s ever encountered”. It’s not her fault her name is Yiffany, y’know? She didn’t ask for this.

Let’s see how right I am.

JANE: Well, go on then. JANE: She's over in the corner. JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite. JANE: I've seen to that already.

The fact that this chapter had a content warning for child abuse makes this read a lot more “Yikes” than it might’ve otherwise.

DIRK: Jake. DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl. JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???)

I feel like this is actually worse than if Jane put the food in a dog bowl to torment Yiffy.

I told you we’d fall in love with her. I told you dog.

....I don’t know if the MSPA art style lends itself to slightly raised camera angles like this, it looks like Yiffy’s face is 50% forehead.

*Lore hat on*

Okay, first off, dick move electrocuting a child. That out of the way. Yiffy is communicating in wolf howls (she must be a big fan of Toast, from my webcomic Saffron and Sage!), but she’s also literally being electrocuted so lets cut her some slack. What’s more interesting is that her Awoos are in red.

Vrissy shares a font color with Vriska, who she’s trying to emulate. They even use the same CSS class in the site code. Tavros shares his with Gamzee, his abusive uncle (and doesn’t have the same CSS class). Harry Anderson has a unique font color that’s pretty close to his dad’s, but isn’t quite the same (possible to make Harry/John chats more readable, whereas Vriska and Vrissy being hard to distinguish is the joke?). Yiffy, however, does not speak in either Jade’s green or Rose’s purple, she speaks in red. It’s a unique shade of red, I checked, and while it could potentially be in reference to Dave, let’s get real

Obviously, she’s the new Handmaid. This was obvious enough that I was making that comparison even before we learned her red text and rebellious personality. So I’m starting to see what they’re going for here (and, god help me, I’m starting to come around to Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley as a concept). She’s not a one-dimensional joke of a character, she’s just a normal girl having a fucking rough time of it right now and also always. Speaking of time, red is connected to the Time aspect, which isn’t confirmation of anything but a little note to put in the back of your pocket.

Also to put in your back pocket, Jane’s the new Condesce and Yiffy’s the new Handmaid. The Condesce killed the Handmaid.

JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam. JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake. JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however. JANE: That truce is over.

That’s some efficient expositing!

Man, I really am coming around to this Yiffy thing, holy shit. I actually think her reveal last chapter was actively designed to get fans to hate the concept as much as possible, and not just from a Controversy Creates Ca$h kind of way (though that didn’t hurt).The entire fandom has been calling Yiffy a disgusting mistake for three weeks, and now here’s Jane doing it, and we’re being asked to consider this from Yiffy’s perspective: Given a stupid name as a joke, shunted off to boarding school by parents who were ashamed of her existence, repeatedly told she’s a disgusting mistake and tortured, even the fans all hate her on sight, and she literally hasn’t said a word yet! That’s....legitimately pretty cool writing, right there. A deft and entirely intentional juking of the fandom’s emotional state to get us to hate a character conceptually so that now when the comic’s trying to get us to sympathize with her it’s an easier sell because we feel a bit guilty. I dig it. Shit like this is why I still read Homestuck, it can be very clever at times, even now.

(Pierced ears, in case the punky aesthetic wasn’t obvious). Also, the page with a gif of everything going dark as Yiffy passes out has a black background, which is a nice touch.

TG: but seriously, do you? AG: Not really. TG: not even about... you know? TG: her? AG: No. TG: ... are you sure? AG: A8solutely. AG: What are you, my moirail? AG: Just leave it, Harry. TG: ok.

Then we cut to a chatlog (with the all-black background, which is just really nice here at selling the mood), and even Vrissy doesn’t want to talk about Yiffany.

AG: It was Cute, 8lright???????? AG: Or, at the very least, a 8*cketload less vomit worthy than everything else that Went Down with our parents.

She’s “vomit-worthy”

I think the update that introduced the Candy Kids was the most enjoyable, but this was, by miles, the best thing to come out of the Homestuck EU. It completely redeemed everything this comic did with Yiffy so far and made it all work. And this black-background-no-image gimmick, while simple, was shockingly effective at conveying the lonely empty mood they were going for (admittedly it probably helped that I was already listening to spooky music), and it’s something Homestuck had never done. This was....

This chapter was great. This was Act 5 great. Like, it’s literally just beating up a child for a whole chapter, but in terms of getting the emotional response they wanted, this is Homestuck at its absolute best. It wasn’t just “here’s a cute girl, let’s beat her up a bit for sympathy”, all the stuff in the last chapter, infuriating the fandom like nothing I’ve seen in webcomics in years, Jade’s dog dick, it was all for this. It was all to get us predisposed to fucking hate Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley so that they could flip the switch and make us love her, make the very fact that we hated her so much part of the reason we love her now. No other webcomic would do that, no other webcomic would have the balls to do that. This is why I read Homestuck, this is why I’m still hanging on to this rock has the wave of cheating dog dicks keeps smacking me in the face. This is avant-fucking-garde, man. I’ve done a full 180 on Homestuck 2. I’m sold. I stan. I’m Homestuck trash again.

EDIT

Oh, and Vrissy suddenly passed out mid-sentence right around the same time Yiffy passed out (hmmm!), and apparently she’s narcoleptic like Jade (hmmm!)

#Homestuck #Homestuck 2 #Homestuck 2 Liveblog

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houkagokappa · 4 years

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Favourite anime of the decade

Although I only began watching anime in 2013 and thus didn’t think I could make a post like this, I started to think about which shows I would pick if I would make it, and before I knew it I had it composed. I chose the anime that meant the most to me and I feel a strong connection to, not necessarily the ones I think were the best of each year (though in a way they are the same).

The anime for 2010-2012 are series I watched after they originally aired and the anime I picked for 2013-2019 are all series I watched as they aired.

Under the cut because this is super long and incredibly self-indulgent. You’ve been warned.

2010 - Katanagatari

What better way is there to start this list than with Katanagatari, an epic that took the entire year to air.

I watched Katanagatari with my university’s anime association in 2014-2015. I didn’t know anything about it beforehand, which is why I like attending our anime meetings. They’ve introduced me to a lot of great anime I otherwise never would’ve watched (or in this case wouldn’t have discovered until much later).

I love the colourful world and the interesting characters, the banter and all the twists. The ending to Katanagatari is one of the best endings to any anime ever. It’s a great story with a good structure and an amazing conclusion. Nanami is the best girl and we need to treasure her. That’s all.

2011 - Mawaru Penguindrum

What better way is there to continue this list, than with my favourite anime ever?

After watching and falling in love with Utena, I had Penguindrum on my radar, but I didn’t feel rushed to watch it anytime soon. Then one day, about half a year later I saw a gif of Ringo with the burning diary on my dash, which looked super cool and I took it as a sign to finally start the series.

I watched all of Penguindrum over a long weekend in November 2014 at my parents place. I remember being sick, just as I had been when I first watched Utena, which is a weird coincidence and possibly something needed for additional effect. I saw half of it on my laptop in my bed and half of it on our TV in the living room, which I regret, because turns out it’s not the kind of show you want your parents to get glimpses of. I still remember the fear I felt when episode 14 rolled around and my dad was sitting with his back to the TV and I PRAYED that he wouldn’t turn around to question me or why I was watching some animated lesbian bondage infused attempted rape scene... I also don’t know why I thought Penguindrum wouldn’t throw something like that at me, I had seen the previous 13 episodes...

Anyway, that’s my favourite anime of all time, ever. I love all of its themes to death, and it’s such a beautiful and emotional series. I think the first episode is one of the best first episodes of any anime ever and I love how the ending ties back to the very first scene.

I could write an entire essay on why I love Penguindrum and why it’s the best series ever (well, competing with Utena for that title), but I think anyone reading this already knows why, so I’ll leave you with the funny anecdote above instead. And if you haven’t seen Penguindrum yet do yourself a favor and go watch it NOW. This is the Ringo gif for you!

2012 - Nisemonogatari

I love the Monogatari series. I love the unique animation and visual style, the amazing characters and the fun dialogues. I also really love Nisemonogatari in particular and I’m sad how it’s often dismissed for being the least interesting season or for being nothing but fanservice. I watch Monogatari specifically for the dialogue (and visuals). I don’t care about the plot as much as I care about the character interactions and Nisemonogatari delivers with those. More specifically I appreciate how well it divides the time spent with each girl. Later on in the series there are long breaks where some of the characters don’t appear at all and I end up missing them, but with Nisemonogatari we get a little bit of everyone (of those who have appeared so far). Of course it’s also great how Nisemonogatari introduces us to some new characters and upcoming plot points and contains a lot of cool foreshadowing, but that’s beside the point. All I want is the dialogue. I don’t even care what they’re talking about, Monogatari manages to make anything interesting.

I watched all of Monogatari during my spring break (lol) in 2015. I also watched it at my parents place, on the TV in our living room, which was great because Monogatari deserves a bigger screen. This time around I was older and wiser and didn’t have my parents around. It was just me and my sister and although Bakemonogatari impressed me so much I tried to make her interested in it, I wasn’t successful with that so I got to watch it in peace (peace). (In hindsight, with consideration for what was to come, that was probably for the best).

As another fun fact I should add that although I was super impressed with Monogatari, I didn’t consider myself a die-hard fan until a year or so later. I was happy to watch Owarimonogatari in the fall, and glad to see the announcement for the Kizumonogatari movies that came after it, but I wasn’t over the moon thrilled about it until I actually watched the first movie. It had to grow on me a little bit, which isn’t unusual when it comes to my favourites. I loved Utena the first time I saw it, but it took months for my obsession to build and grow and fully develop. Maybe because they’re both shows that leave the viewer with a lot to think about, so you only realise their full brilliance later on?

2013 - Kill la Kill

I began watching anime in the spring of 2013, when Shingeki no Kyojin, Free! and Dangan Ronpa began airing, because Homestuck went on a hiatus and that’s what the content on my dash changed into. I also began attending conventions and in January 2014 I went to Yukicon. At the con I ran into an acquaintance of mine and joined her gang, who decided to go and listen to a panel called “Kill la Kill - is this how Trigger saved anime?”. I would never had gone there on my own, since I wasn’t watching Kill la Kill or interested in starting it, but I’m glad I did because that was my first proper introduction to Kill la Kill and what ultimately sparked my interest for it.

When I tried the first episode I didn’t like it a whole lot. I hated the style, it was so sketchy and ugly and the fanservice made me uncomfortable. However, the first episode was really good at setting up the story and I was curious to see how it would continue so I kept watching. I didn’t love the following episodes either, but there was something that compelled me to keep watching and 4 or 5 episodes in I began liking it once the story and Ryuko’s personality had managed to fully suck me in. I binged the first half until I was caught up with the airing episodes and then I had fun waiting for the new episodes each week. I don’t remember much more about my initial reactions, but because it’s one of the first anime I ever saw and one of the first airing anime I ever followed it’ll always have a special place in my heart.

I’ve since rewatched Kill la Kill multiple times and it still holds up. I love the crazy energy, all the different personalities and characters and the amazing twists. I also grew to love the style, it’s very distinct and now that I’ve seen more anime I appreciate it all the more.

Having loved Kill la Kill and hearing so much about Trigger, I started to follow them and make sure to watch everything else they would put out. I like to think that we both started out at the same time, because this was their first anime as a new studio and one of the first anime I followed. Trigger has a special place in my heart as much as Kill la Kill does.

2014 - Selector Infected WIXOSS

Battoru battoru!

Selector Infected WIXOSS is probably the least known anime on this list. I was introduced to it by a friend who at the time watched everything that aired. She sold it to me as a Madoka-ripoff (knowing I was a huge fan), which it kinda is, but also not at all and people should stop using that phrase. It’s about girls who make wishes and suffer, but that’s where the similarities end. It’s also very much what I’m into, I love a good show with dark and somewhat taboo topics, lesbian undertones and all that jazz. It got a second season which concludes the story, but any continuation past that is not worth anyone’s time.

It was written by Mari Okada and made to sell cards. I own a set and I’m still waiting for the day when I get to play with them.

2015 - Hibike! Euphonium

Hibike! Euphonium is another anime that I watched and liked, then loved, then became absolutely obsessed over long after it had already ended. I picked it up only because it was a music anime and I had just finished Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso and was in the mood for another similar show. (I also picked up ShigaUso on a whim, because someone I followed on tumblr was hyping it up as a music lover). I’m not a musician, but I loved the series regardless and ended up relating to Kumiko and her struggles like I’ve never related to anyone before (even though the specifics of our struggles are somewhat different). Hibike! Euphonium is one of the first pieces of media that made me cry, not over a sad scene, but over a emotionally charged one when Kumiko realises she wants to succeed, she wants to win and get better and put her whole heart into her playing. (I vividly remember telling my friend about how an anime made me cry and being super embarrassed to reveal which one, because it was so new and personal to me).

Hibike! Euphonium is a beautifully made, incredibly touching anime. It’s done with so much care and so much love. I also have a lot of precious memories attached to it; I went to Kyoto for a student exchange and took the opportunity to spend an entire day in Uji, where Hibike! Euphonium takes place. I visited most of the locations seen in the anime, cried about how ridiculously realistic everything is, sat on Kumiko’s bench by the river, randomly met up with some Japanese fans and ended the day on top of Mt. Daikichi, as seen in episode 8. It was one of the best days in my life!

2016 - Doukyuusei

I was introduced to Doukyuusei through the Penguindrum tag on tumblr. Either tumblr was broken (very likely) or someone was spamming it (also very likely), but there were a couple of posts promoting Doukyuusei that showed up in the tag CONSTANTLY. They weren’t terribly out of place because the director of Doukyuusei (Nakamura Shouko) was previously known for her work on Penguindrum, but I should add that there were so many of those posts, actual Penguindrum posts (which there weren’t many of to begin with) disappeared among them, which made me quite annoyed with Doukyuusei.

Then the trailer came out and I watched it and it seemed pretty cool. I think I even glanced at the manga, but I didn’t think much of it. Then the anime came out and everyone was sharing gifs from it and they looked so good I watched the movie as soon as I could. Even though the quality of the first stream I found wasn’t great I loved it and watched it again as soon as I finished it the first time, and then again the next day when a better stream came out.

By reblogging Doukyuusei a mutual started talking about it with me and our conversation made me pick up the manga again, mainly since I found out that there’s a continuation to the story. Now that I properly read it I really fell in love with it and Nakamura Asumiko’s artstyle. I also find it funny how when I looked her up in order to find out about her other works, I realised I had looked her up before thanks to her joint project with Ikuhara. Back then I wasn’t in the mood to read Nokemono to Hanayome and I didn’t care for “some BL mangaka” to continue checking her out, but now that I’d found her again it all came back to me. I think it’s really neat and funny how I’ve been introduced to her through Ikuhara several times over!

Back to Doukyuusei, I love it a lot because it’s a very sweet and simple story. It feels realistic. I like the flow of time, or rather how it skips forward a lot and we only get small glimpses of the more important moments in their relationship, along with some of the small cute ones. It’s not an amazingly unique story, but it feels very refreshing, maybe because of how basic it is. I’m not sure how to best describe it, but at the end of the day it’s a very wholesome story about two boys who fall in love and there aren’t that many of those, especially not any that have gotten anime adaptations.

It’s quite short for a movie, which makes it very easy to watch. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve seen it. During my exchange, I spent 10 days in Tokyo at an Airbnb that asked me not to stream anything, so in order to have something to do in the evenings I downloaded Doukyuusei and watched it every other night. I also used to watch it at least every month for more than a year and as a general pick-me-up whenever I was feeling down. I know the entire movie by heart by now.

2017 - Owarimonogatari 2nd season

I already shared how I got into Monogatari and why I love it so much. Yet, or precisely therefore it shows up on this list again (though all things considered it should be a bonus instead of an entry). The second season to Owarimonogatari is an amazing conclusion to an amazing series (not that it’s the conclusion at all). Hachikuji is my favourite character so it was great to see her again after so long (see my comments about Nisemonogatari) and I’m still crying over the brilliance of her kamimashita gag. It was also very rewarding to get an end to the mystery that was Ougi.

The anime came out while I was on a field course in Tvärminne. I remember it well, because I had the luxury of having a room to myself and an entire afternoon to chill there. I began watching it and had a really good time doing so until a classmate of mine came knocking on my door, asking me to join him in some game and I had to choose between being social or watching the long awaited new season of Monogatari. It was a tough choice to leave Hachikuji behind (I’M SO SORRY), but I ditched her and joined them. After that I didn’t have enough time to finish the series, until it was time for us to leave. I couldn’t get a car ride all the way to Helsinki, but I managed to get one to the Inkoo library and my dad to pick me up from there maybe an hour or two later which was the perfect time and perfect place to continue watching Monogatari. I really haven’t learned anything when it comes to watching possibly questionable anime with other people around. Luckily no one lives in Inkoo, so I got to watch it entirely undisturbed. Good memories indeed.

2017 BONUS - Eromanga-sensei

Look. I couldn’t honestly write this list without including Eromanga-Sensei. I unironically like the series. It began when I read the LN just to pass the time and have something to laugh at. Then the anime got announced and I knew I’d watch it, but I wasn’t really into it yet (the LN’s aren’t that good). Then they made a figure of Sagiri and I got it because I really love her design and then I started to look forward to the anime more, because I began having certain expectations for it and suddenly I’m here blogging about my first impressions of it (which are now lost forever, yay!).

I actually find the story to be quite touching and I got emotional watching the anime. Sagiri and Masamune have lost and gained their families multiple times over and now with all their parents dead it’s just the two of them left, both desperate and scared and unsure, wanting to find and create a new family and sense of belonging for themselves. It’s also a really well-made series, all the production values are top notch, the animation is fluid, the music is nice and the voice acting is great. It’s pretty funny and although none of the characters are particularly likeable, it’s an enjoyable series to watch. You can’t take it too seriously though. I had a really fun time with it, mostly because I made myself have a good time with it. I didn’t care about any of the memes and I got made fun of by all my friends, but that’s what I mostly remember 2017 anime for. I can’t wait for the second season, which we will inevitable get!!

2018 - 3-gatsu no Lion 2nd Season

3-gatsu no Lion is another anime that grew on me over time. I had difficulties watching and finishing both seasons, because at times it’s a really slow series, but I still consider it one of my favourites and one of the best series ever made. The second season was even better than the first and I sincerely hope we’ll get a third, and a fourth and a fifth or however many are required to finish the entire story.

Shaft has again done an incredible job with the visuals. I love the entire production, the music and voice acting and the overall feeling. The bullying arc was amazing, super emotional and raw and I love how it dealt with the aftermath and how there wasn’t a simple solution and how everything didn’t get fixed overnight, because that’s not how it works in real life. I love how Rei got a lot of personal growth. I love seeing him starting to rely on others more and become more comfortable with himself and what he likes and wants. It’s incredible how all the characters are multifaceted and how 3-gatsu makes me care for them (I’m cheering on you, pidgeon-man!). The Kawamoto family emits so much warm and positive energy I can’t help but cry everytime I see them. In fact, I used to prepare for each episode by making myself a nice, often Japanese styled meal, since there’s such a huge focus on delicious looking food in the anime I would always get hungry watching it, and a packet of tissues because I would cry every. single. week. It was ridiculous.

It’s not an easy series to get into, but probably the only series I feel the need to recommend to everyone I meet, just because it really is an amazing series that explores the human psyche and an incredibly rewarding watch once you get into it.

2019 - Sarazanmai

Do I even need to write something here? Anime of the decade, no question about it.

There’s something really special in being able to follow an anime project you’re passionate about right from the start and I’m glad I got to do it with an Ikuhara project, because his anime is on a whole other level and speaks to me in ways no other media does. This was also the first time I took on such an active role in the fandom, which has been incredibly fun, but a bit taxing as well. However, if there is an anime that gets better once you share your thoughts on it with others each week, it’s Ikuhara’s.

Sarazanmai ended up being what I expected and nothing like it. I don’t know how, but it managed to exceed my expectations, even though they were skyhigh and I was worried about getting let down, especially since Yurikuma Arashi didn’t live up to my expectations for it. Sarazanmai however, was everything I wanted and more.

I love the story and themes, I love the characters, I love how there was so much going on, but they managed to make it work and have a satisfying ending. The musical numbers were insanely good and I love all the crazy shirikodama shenanigans. Watching Sarazanmai is like being on an emotional rollercoaster, with just the right amount of everything. I can’t wait to see what Ikuhara comes up with in the next decade!!

---

If you’ve read this far, thank you for your time. I hope you enjoyed this and I applaud you for getting through all of it. If you feel like it, please share your picks with me, I’m curious to see what they are!

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snowtimeisbesttime · 4 years

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Thoughts and questions on Pesterquest Volume 14, and the Afterw@rd! The last one... for now?

~VOLUME 14~

-aaaand we didn't get an alpha kid reunion here :(

-Looks like very waterproof technology is a leftover from when the Condesce tried to turn Future Earth into Alternia 2: Electric Boogaloo, because otherwise I'm pretty sure that having a wholeass computer out there right next to saltwater would be a very bad idea.

-There's Hal! This time with Speakers. Also, it's neat that Dirk knows exactly what's up with MSPAR in Pesterquest's last volume, while Lanque had no idea that an alien was running around befriending everybody in town in Friendsim's (i know friendsim didn't quite do chronology between volumes as much as pesterquest has done, but the soleils were kinda busy being stuck inside a weird timeloop manor and therefore couldn't have heard of mspar's quest of friendship, while lanque could have definitely heard about them from like. wanshi or something.)

-Dirk is also very much on board (whoops ocean adjacent phrase) with MSPAR's quest of friendship, which is awesome and also adorable.

-Instead of experiencing awful offshoots, we just get weird visions of them, which kinda beats “drowning by aesthetically focused robo scuba suit” and “puppet katana accident” any day.

-Cal is empty, thank fuck. At least Dirk's one...

-MSPAR can wield the sord....., revealing its power to deepfry reality with a single slash. Which could actually make it incredibly strong in the hands of a Strider, as they're probably immune to jpeg artifacts thanks to SBaHJ so they could exploit that ability without getting headaches.

-There is some talk about Assorted Dirk Topics, which get answered quickly as the bread and butter of the route is mainly the topic of trust, and also. You Know.

-Of course Ult!Dirk just Had to pop in. Hooray. Dude can fuckin play spore and instead he decides to fuck off all the way here and fuck shit up. And expects MSPAR to agree with him once they get their Homestuck memories back even. The whole “process gif” effect he's got does look very cool though.

-What separates Pesterquest from any fanfic where characters screw around with retcon powers? Legit question here. What's the difference between MSPAR befriending everyone and a fic where John accidentally breaks Jane's tiaratop while retconing stuff and makes it so she never even goes Crockertier, for example? What makes it so the first one kills reality but the second one doesn't?

-also nice (/s) to see the epilogues are as dubiously canon as water is dubiously wet, as it's never even implied that things could ever go differently after the kids win the game. Maybe that's more an “ultdirk absorbing assorted dirks and hogging all the narrative relevance as bgd said that time in hs2” thing though.

-To convince PQ!Dirk to not leave with Ult!Dirk, MSPAR gets the Big Gun: Candy Dave. And of course he would go along with a mission to help his bro without a doubt... (and he also gets taken along to the locked timeline)

-In the end, it's Dirk the one who gets to make the Choice this time, between friendship (and family) or infinite knowledge (and loneliness).

~THE AFTERW@RD~

-dirk: some other me went with you so don't be a sore loser the less cool dirk, almost immediately:

-Unlike Friendsim's Epilogue, this one can only be accessed from Dirk's good end, apparently.

-And here we get to talk to the Director of Pesterquest, also known as the t-pose or a-pose or whatever silhouette from the funky troll hell nexus hallway of metaphysical realities. She's the one responsible for MSPAR losing their memories (for friendship reasons) and not being able to reach their friends from Friendsim (for hiveswap act 2 reasons i hope).

-MSPAR is straight out called that and MSPAReader here, But it's also revealed that they do have a name- which might be revealed in a future sequel... ( @carcino-gnostalgic-s pointed out that the sequel might be those friendsim routes the hiveswap crew wanted to make for like dammek and trizza and the guys, and i'm personally very on board with that idea)

(-I started calling them MC (as in Main Character) all the way back when Friendsim Vol 12 came out... Hope we get to learn their real name soon!)

-there was this post going around not that long ago that was about how in stories Without a happy ending to look forward to and provide catharsis, having lots and lots of suffering can make it feel senseless and gratuitous or something and like. What that post said. Sure, conflict can drive a story, but constant conflict 24/7 forever and ever just gets tiring after a point.

-Again, what makes MSPAR's friendship escapades so harmful to the multiverse compared to any random fic with Retcon Shenanigans on the internet? As in, choosing to not betray our Pesterquest friends or throwing out John's beta again straight up causes the game to close, implying reality just perished and despawned.

-Ult!Dirk also has to come along here and push for canon's preservation. To the point he tries to screw with MSPAR's thoughts directly, though luckily they can shrug it off and the Director isn't having any of that bullshit.

-First of all: fanfiction exists, and so do AU fanfics that take characters into a whole new genre or spares characters that died or puts the spotlight on background characters, so between that and me having heard the concept of “fictional character Lives On Forever in the minds of people who read their story, even if they get maybe eliminated by the author” in a book (Niebla, by Miguel de Unamuno idk if theres any translated version available online rip) that I had to read for a class, I sure was just standing there while the Director and Ult!Dirk talked about how we Absolutely Must destroy Pesterquest.

-Thankfully, MSPAR found a third option and took it, inspired by Jade and with Aradia's moral support. You ever love your friends so much you literally absorb the Green Sun's power to create an entirely new concept (the Locked Timeline containing iterations of them that can grow up without Sburb) and become its First Guardian?

#pesterquest #homestuck #pesterquest spoilers #dirk strider #mspa reader #thoughts and questions #long post #<- just in case #its like 4:20 in the morning here. time to Sleep

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lettersofsky · 5 years

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They Just Hate You Anyways

HEY SO PESTERQUEST GAVE ME EMOTIONS I HAD TO DEAL WITH SO I WROTE A THING

Homestuck Gamzee Makara Pesterquest Spoiler | Drug Use | Neglect

You’re alone, always motherfucking alone.

You’re on the shore of the ocean, waiting for your seagoatdad to come back and spend time you, maybe even pretend to give a single fuck about how you’re doing and the fact that somehow you’re still alive.

Because you are.

You’re still alive.

Still breathing.

Persisting to be a motherfucking stain on the colour that runs through your veins like everyone says you are and you just continue to draw breath.

And you’re alone.

Until you’re not.

The silence is torn apart, ripped into the tiniest of motherfucking pieces by some unknown motherfucker that’s… not a threat. Not a danger. Not yet at least. But you know better than to believe that any motherfucker you meet this close to the water front won’t have some wanting to do harm against you, there’s no friends here, none anywhere near your hive, only the danger of seadwellers that you’re supposed to be hiding from and endless, empty silence.

But this motherfucker, new and unknown and unreliable in their threatening potential, they don’t do you no harm. They’re making offerings of friendship with Karkat’s name and you decide to trust them, you decide to trust them because you’re lonely and you want to believe that your friend doesn’t actually hate you, that he doesn’t want you to be alone and he’s sent someone to spend time with you.

So you invited them inside your hive to spend time with you.

It’s… the first time you’ve ever had someone else in your hive. You can’t help but notice how they react to the state of your hive and you feel yourself wilt the tiniest bit before you force yourself to ignore it. Your hive’s a little messy yes, but you’ll fix it up soon enough you just… haven’t had much of a reason to clean up before. You don’t have anyone that would come visit and seagoatdad hasn’t been around for who knew how motherfucking long, wasn’t like there was anybody around to be getting their motherfucking judging on.

No one but you.

And who are you to judge? Little unwanted motherfucker you are.

You don’t care how your hive is cleanliness wise, you don’t even care enough about you to care about that, no wonder nobody wants to come bother with you living like this how much worse could you be you useless excuse for a—

You move into your meal-preparation block. You need to do something to distract yourself before you think, before you do, something that you’ll regret.

Like you always do.

But there’s pie. The miracle that helps you keep yourself all kinds of motherfucking calm and mellow and detached from the reality of your existence; the ache of loneliness, the gnawing of hunger, the crawling sensation of disappointment that exudes from your whole entire being.

But there’s miracles. And you can forget about all that because you know that if you just keep at it and endure things a while longer then you’ll see that everything you’ve gone through has been worth it in the end. You have to believe that, if you don’t then what reason do you have behind your existence? Why would someone be forced to live like you have if not for some greater purpose to be bestowed upon them?

You’d take anything at this rate. Greater purpose, relief from the life you know. Anything.

But until then, you’ve got miracles.

Until you don’t.

Your new friend, brought onto you from somewhere unknown with your friend’s name and wants on their mouth, tells you it’d be best to give up your pies.

They tell you that it’d be better for you, healthier. They tell you it’s what you should do.

And you do it.

You do it.

You throw out your miracle pie. Your escape from your life and the empty, loneliness of your hive. All because someone who wants to actually spend time with you asks you to.

You leave the room for a moment, returning to your meal preparation block to try to find something else to dull the gnawing in your stomach.

You’re only gone a few minutes.

They’re gone when you get back.

You were only gone a motherfucking moment.

They’re motherfucking gone when you get back.

You’re alone again.

You’re alone without your pies to help take you away from all of this.

But…

But they have to be coming back. Maybe they’ve just stepped out to take a call or something like that. They’ll be back soon, nothing to worry about.

They’ll be motherfucking back soon.

There’s nothing to be motherfucking worried about.

They’ll be back soon.

They aren’t.

You spend the whole night waiting for them, before you have to admit to yourself that they’re not coming back and you’ve been left abandoned and alone again.

You don’t understand.

What did you do wrong?

You threw out your pie like they wanted why did they leave?

Did you do something wrong without realizing?

Were they testing you? Trying to see if you’d listen to their advice even without them being around?

Without letting you know?

How motherfucking cruel of them.

But you… you’ve endured worse. You have.

And if Karkat sent them to you then there must be a reason behind their actions. Maybe Karkat’s ordered it of them, maybe he’d grown sick of you not listening to him and he’d sent the not-lusus-motherfucker to make sure you would and he was testing you, making sure you were worthy of companionship, friendship, of not being—

You troll him.

He doesn’t answer at first. When he does it tears your pumper in two because he’s talking about being busy with some face to face friends and that he’d get back to you later and that’s so motherfucking cruel.

Why them? Why was Karkat happy to meet them face to face when he kept avoiding you when you’d asked him? Why weren’t you worthy of his face to face presence? What had you done wrong? How could you fix it?

You don’t know.

You don’t know you don’t know YOU DON’T MOTHERFUCKING KNOW

You don’t make yourself one of your miracle pies even though you want that distance, that floating detachment from yourself so, so much.

You’re so alone. The only sound in your eyes the endless ebb and flow of the ocean just beyond the walls of your hive.

You hate it.

YOU HATE IT.

You don’t want to be alone anymore.

You don’t know how much time passes. You lose track of it too easily, it could be minutes, hours, days. You don’t know.

YOU DON’T MOTHERFUCKING KNOW.

Your hands are shaking, you can barely hold anything, can barely stand up straight, can barely think for the static that is your thoughts in your head. It’s too much and too little and you’re too much and too little and there’s something wrong with you there’s always something wrong with you you were stupid to ever think otherwise no wonder they haven’t come back yet you’re a failure failure FAILURE

You need to get it out.

Need to get whatever’s wrong with you out.

You need to.

You motherfucking need to.

YOU NEED TO.

-THUMP-

You awaken hours later. It must be hours.

Your head’s ringing more than usual but it’s silent.

So motherfucking blessedly silent.

You stumble to your feet, cradling your head in your hand and it’s wet. Wet with your leaking colour and you must be a mess you’re always such a motherfucking mess no wonder you don’t—

You catch sight of yourself in the large screen in front of your reclining platform and you feel RAGE.

You don’t mean to throw your fist into it. Or maybe you do. YOU DON’T MOTHERFUCKING KNOW.

It felt good though. No denying that. The pain in your hand distracts from the hurt you can’t be putting your eyes on and you relish in it.

It starts to fade too quickly and you’re left with just yourself, your aching, cut hand and the broken, shattered reflection of yourself in the screen.

Your breath’s a weak, shuddering thing as you make yourself leave the room. You need to move, you need to get away from the unwanted monster staring back at you, need to get away from the knowledge that there’s something inherently wrong in you, that there’s something deserving of your aching loneliness and abandonment and—

You find mirrors. There’s so many in your hive, why is there so many here? You can’t have obtained them all yourself when did you do something so MOTHERFUCKING STUPID?

They break as easily as the screen did.

You don’t bother to protect yourself from the shards that fall into your face. You don’t care if they mar your visage you hate the look of yourself, why shouldn’t your outside reflect the utter disgrace of your inisides?

There’s an alert on your husktop. Someone’s been trying to get through to you on trollian.

It’s a mysterious contact. One you don’t recognize. It’s text is all white and wrong and it’s speaking of the Messiahs and Miracles and you… you need them. You motherfucking need that. You need to trust, to believe, it’s all so awful without it and you can still feel the wrongness underneath your skin and you…

The white text tells you it knows how to fix that. Knows how to make you good enough for your Messiahs.

And isn’t that… isn’t that what you want to be?

You can’t be good enough for seagoatdad. You can’t be good enough for your friends. Maybe, just maybe you can be good enough for your Messiahs?

You want… YOU MOTHERFUCKING WANT TO BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM, TO BE MOTEHRFUCKING GOOD ENOUGH FOR SOME MOTHERFUCKER.

Please…

Please it’s all, all you want.

Your hate friends don’t care, they’ve never cared, you were deluding yourself otherwise weren’t you?

Of motherfucking course you were. There’s no way any one of them actually gave a SINGLE MOTHERFUCKING DAMN ABOUT YOU. Not Karkat, not that white not-lusus, not Tavros, not Equius not anybody.

And you don’t blame them.

There’s something wrong in you, there always has been, there always will be. They were all so motherfucking smart to see it, to know it long before you did of course they never gave a damn about you, just their stupid doped, drugged up clown, there to try to make them laugh and remind them that the hemospectrum was bullshit since it produced someone as fucked up as you were.

The white text promises though. It promises you that the Messiahs will welcome you, that they’ll be so motherfucking pleased with you if only you do what it asks of you.

You need to. It’ll be easy.

You’re a highblood. Purple. A clown of the Mirthful Motherfuckers on High and culling should be second nature to you by now, you wouldn’t have survived as long as you had if it weren’t.

The white text knows that you’ll be able to do it.

You try not to focus on how much the assurance, the confidence in yourself and your abilities, eases something jagged and razor-edged in your chest.

The white text is true after all. You’ve culled seadwellers that’ve tried to do the same to you in self-defence and no matter how good, how trained your “friends” wanted to claim to be, there was no way any of them could compete with the natural strength and endurance of someone so much higher than they were.

The white text urges you go. Time to get your clubs and go do what you were all up and motherfucking BORN TO BE DOING.

It tells you to start at Karkat and you see nothing wrong with that.

He decided you were better off alone without your one comfort, your one escape from the reality of your existence, it was only fair that he be second to reap the rewards of his actions against you.

You had to share miracles with friends after all.

Honk :o)

#homestuck #gamzee #gamzee makara #pesterquest #fanfiction #pesterquest spoiler

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