#not much just a little bit

[koravelliumavast]

I am still awake at midnight. Not of my own making. No no! But because there has been lightning and Thunder NONSTOP since 9:15pm. And it’s not stopping anytime soon either.

And there’s only been 77 hundredths of an inch of rain today. It’s ALL thunder and lightning

#sometimes if it’s close enough the thunder will shake my bedroom #and rattles my door #not much just a little bit #but old houses are great #and it’s not a little bit #no no in a 45 mile radius there has been over FIFTEEN HUNDRED lightning strikes in the last 5 minutes #try well over 2000

[inkskinned]

you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

#warm up #this isn't good #writeblr #this is complicated by the fact i can't stand up too long or i fuckken pass out and <3 hit my damn head <3 #but i did take a deep breath and buy myself the stupid rice cooker #and!!! a very cheap sushi kit!!! i have been wanting to try making sushi for literally YEARS #the kit was only like 15 dollars!!!! and i haven't purchased it bc?!!??!?!?!?!!? #..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much. #on my list is a kitchenaid. one day when i get a check and i have paid off my student debt #and medical debt #i will put that first little bit of cash #into a kitchenaid 5qt stand mixer (with attachments) #i really do just go into their refurbished section and stare lustily at each option #but yeah i feel guilty about the rice cooker even tho i know for a fact this damn thing is gonna be a lifesaver #oh shit also fuck i forgot to mention . poached eggs

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

#mental health #mental health support #positivity #if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them! #i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all.. #...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in... #...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air... #...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life... #...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with... #...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it... #...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it #i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive #unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better

[wasyago]

various tango doodles

#hermitcraft #tangotek #my art #sketch #i love drawing human tango so much you guys have no idea.... he's just. he's so... but the creature one is still the most favorite. #also the 3rd sketch of him with glasses..... don't think im gonna draw him with glasses anymore it just doesn't look right #idk why. maybe the forehead being covered or the fact that he doesn't have ears or something. it's just... no #in other news. im really enjoying drawing him with a bit of facial hair! it just adds that little bit of character and maturity #he looks less like a baby and i think that's a good thing #all my previous fanarts now look bald tho 😭

[machinerot]

#my art #you know he was being a little shit #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #harrykim #disco elysium #disco elysium fanart #this is the first drawing ive managed to finish in over a year (we dont talk about the 3 million wips) #so thank you gay people for getting rid of my art block 🫶 i love you #i didnt use a reference though so apologies if the proportions look a bit wonky but GOD i had so much fun making this #ive missed Enjoying doing art. like actually enjoying the process and not just impatiently rushing for the finished piece #like maybe art IS fun.. #crazy. anyways #this sideblog is brand new so i doubt people will even see this but!! if you do then i should have some more DE art on the way :-)

[taterdraws]

broke the master sword? no worries! find its evil version instead!

as ganondorf broke the master sword i think it'd be very fair if link could get Demise's Sword. as a treat. (because stealing his horse isn't enough.)

#MAN IM JUST THINKING. JUST THINKING A LITTLE BIT. really really having ghirahim in totk brainrot #how much gloom toll do you think that shit would have? #totk #tears of the kingdom #ghirahim #link #ghiralink #skyward sword #tloz #the legend of zelda #nintendo #legend of zelda #demise's sword #tater's art #fanart

[zipsunz]

little miss fool 🎀🌙

#persona #persona 3 #persona 3 portable #persona 3 reload #p3 #p3p #p3re #kotone shiomi #my art #this is my reload kotone... i designed a sees uniform for her and then redesigned her in general a little bit #dark red shoes and i liked how she looked with the lanyard in pq2 #silver earphones bc then it felt like too much red on top with the new armband 🥹 yeah #i just realized i forgot her gloves. they'd be fingerless since she uses a naginata. just imagine it ok

[wuruwan]

#one piece #zolu #luzo #roronoa zoro #monkey d. luffy #my art #the brainrot is unbelievable but i have only the energy to scribble a little bit per day and then pass out #thinking so much about them ogughhg #btw zoro is totally fine in the last pic he just wants to be held by luf so hes being ultra dramatic

[beyondthisdarkhouse]

After months of research and development and market testing and perfecting the first item I feel confident selling online, I have realized... that it is an incredibly niche item that only a specific subset of absolute nerds would want to buy, and I will have to do a ton of explaining the basic idea over and over again before people generally get what it is I'm even selling. RIP me

#this is like the time I spraypainted a bunch of screw heads gold #because I was putting up gold spraypainted shelf brackets and wanted these black screws to not stand out #and to make it easier I took a piece of thin cardboard and cut a series of Xes in it #then pushed the screws in a little bit and positioned it over the gap between boards on the back deck #and used my hammer to just plonk those screws into place so I could spraypaint them! #i felt so clever I posted a video of it #(gold spraypaint makes me feel giddy and childlike) #and everyone was like #“GIRL NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT DON'T TRY TO *HAMMER* YOUR *SCREWS* INTO A DECK!” #it took like. so much work to try to explain to people why this was a problem I wanted to solve #much less the mechanism by which i solved it #my brain is just. HIGHLY WEIRD SOMETIMES

[sensitiveheartless]

(The rest is under the readmore!)

(Next part) ->

#breaking news: local man is confronted with the fact that if he uses dumb contests as an excuse to avoid emotional vulnerability — #then his partner is going to do the exact same thing lol #also covid update: I had a bit of a relapse and have been completely stuck in bed again the last couple days #am still definitely doing better than before but remain very very fatigued #apparently changing my bedsheets was a little much for me lol #anyway thank you to the people who have sent in asks the last couple days!! I am very excited to get to them #I just had to get this self indulgent comic out of my system first lololol #bsd #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #soukoku #skk #bungou stray dogs #my art

[knifearo]

this year my challenge for everyone is to unlearn the association between love and morality. love is not something that is inherently morally good, and the absence of love is not something that is inherently bad. sex without love isn't morally bankrupt, it's just an action. people without love aren't less kind or less good, they're just people. when we can get past this false (and often unnoticed) dichotomy of good love/evil lovelessness then i think we are going to be able to take leaps and bounds in sex positivity, aro advocacy, certain discussions of mental health...

#and also. not the direct focus. but love doesn't make things good. you can be in love and do terrible terrible things. #people do bad things in the name of love and in despite of love all the time. #but!! imagine a world where people could exist as people and not be demonized. #sex positivity means being cool about All sex. reexamine your internal systems of moral judgement. #this goes for sex workers. for aroallo people. especially aroallo men. for aro people in general who might enjoy sex. #and frankly i think it can easily bleed into discussions about mental health disorders around 'not feeling' certain things #especially demonizing ppl who don't feel as much empathy. i think there's definitely a correlation between that and the emphasis on love. #our support needs to go out to Everybody and i think these things are all structured together in one way or another!! #it might not be immediately obvious but when i tell you it all leads back to amatonormativity..... little bit wild.... large bit wild.... #anyway. horror movie psychopath 'oh he can't feel emotions or love' damn alright. well. let's take a closer look at that. #silly that there's an association between lack of love and Murdering. feel like that might affect some stuff. #love is just an emotion/a feeling it doesn't mean anything about you one way or another #same with empathy. you can feel it all you want but it doesn't inherently change the actions you choose to take #anyway. thesis statement. there is a socially constructed link between love and morality. unlearn that. #kiss kiss (<— lovelessly) #aromantic #aromanticism #arospec #talking #aroace #aspec #sex positivity

[wasyago]

the brainrot won

#GUY S i know i haven't posted anything in a while and thats because im working on a big cool project that i really want to finish without- #distractions. but uh. as you can see. ive been distracted 😔. still working on it tho!!!! and im very happy with it turns out its just- #super time and energy consuming so ive tried to limit my intake of other media to not make myself want to draw other stuff #i also haven't read the last two (two already?????) chapters of RnS and im very sad about it and i want to read it but you know that if i- #read it ill want to make fanart and then ill never finish my project :( #SO. sorrey for the lack of art itll be coming when im free to draw!!!!!!! #but also. yes ive watched new life because i dont want to go insane with nothing but this project on my mind and umm. had to take a little- #break to do a couple designs for fun... and to switch it up a bit because for real im going insane i think #ALSO. friend got me into zelda botw and i haven't played a whole lot yet (because project) but ive tried to take some inspiration for- #designs from there. at least for joel and scott. everyone else not so much... #WELL ANYWAYS this is getting long. i should really stop rambling in the tags and just make separate posts for all this but i dont want to #umm. tags. #new life smp #smallishbeans #mythical sausage #geminitay #pearlescentmoon #smajor1995 #inthelittlewood #my art #sketch

[mayasaura]

I don't wanna further hijack that poor poll, but the thing about Harrow's schizophrenia is that it's canon. The author has confirmed it, and shared that it's based on her own experience.

It's a pretty obscure bit of canon, so of course there's no shame in not already knowing, but that's why I'm so obnoxiously persistent about letting people know.

Whatever else is up with Harrow, autism or cptsd or any number of likely headcanons, she is also schizophrenic. I feel like that's too important to be handwaved away as a difference of opinion.

#like of course not everyone knows I'm not the kind of asshole who gets mad about someone not having heard about an unrecorded con panel #not knowing is one thing #erasing or ignoring that aspect of her is something completely different #like yeah she's incredibly relateable in that way #and I know how comforting it can be to project your own dx onto someone and go 'wow shes just like me fr' #but I really feel like doing that re: Harrow's schizophrenia is a huge lost opportunity for growth #and I hate that the takeaway for so many people is 'Harrow is autistic' #and not 'oh cool didn't know autism and schizophrenia had so much overlap in experience' #relate to psychotic people without flinching challenge #anyway. tl;dr: #if you didn't already know then I have the coolest new fun fact about Harrow to share with you!! #if you do already know but have elicted to ignore it then a little bit fuck you actually #but I will ALWAYS assume someone didn't know before assuming they're being a dick #the locked tomb #harrow nonagesimus #harrowhark nonagesimus #harrow the ninth

[ladeldee]

I just like the idea that once Missa hears Phil has another "kid" he'd try and do whatever he can to help and Phil feels emotions about it

#Qsmp #Qsmp fanart #Pissa #qsmp shipping #qsmp philza #qsmp missa #qsmp Wilbur #I'd like to think the difference in style and shading relates to the contrast of scenarios! The first one is comedic- #while the second one is more serious and genuine in mood #Definitely not because I tryharded for the second scene #I have rotated this family in my mind so much aaGH #I just think Phil would fall a little more in love hearing Missa care about the people that are close to him #Also it is late I just would love to see Missa and Wilbur interact so bad and Missa being like: Okay as your father I'm going to help you #Missa may just have as much if not a bit more than Wilbur does but I think it could be a really funny dynamic #Anyway maybe Pissa reunion today prayge

[hothammies]

"a fact so true, so loud, that he can’t believe he’d been able to hear anything else before now."  (fic by @campbyler)

#i love them so much my god i literally yelled at the sketchbook scene #if you haven't read acswy yet please do! its so well done and incredible and jawdropping go read it! #also thea wiseatom and suni astrobi maybe i am trying to kill you guys just a little bit with my LOVE!! <3 <3 #mike wheeler #will byers #byler fanart #byler #acswy #sammi's art

[clairenatural]

okay but you see sam has ALSO fallen for dean's act. sam also believes dean to be the macho, daddy's soldier, beer boobs cars guy he presents himself as. this is why sam makes fun of dean whenever he even lightly steps out of that mold and thinks it's harmless banter instead of attacking an insecurity. it's why he laughs when john talks down to dean in the early seasons and it's why he seems surprised when dean is more comfortable with himself in the later seasons. it's why he just scoffs but doesn't push it when dean puts up a front and refuses to talk about his emotions and just accepts whatever excuse he makes at face value. it's why he offers dean a strip club to make him feel better when cas dies. and this isn't his fault!! dean has spent a very long time perfecting this image in front of everyone and ESPECIALLY to sam because along with it comes safety and security and stability and the only person. who has consistently been able to see through it. is castiel

#charlie also a bit bc dean doesn't have to be desirable to her as a man or as a son #altho i would argue that she doesn't see through him he just doesn't perform as much for her. cas actively sees through it #this is why sam has never caught on to dean being queer also. btw. dean isn't closeted he's just never made a big deal of telling sam #you never really know your parents just the version of them they want you to see etc etc #anyway this is also why sam is thought to be More Sensitive in comparison #by people who have also fallen for the Act. i call this the General Audience Dean Act #because it was who he was SUPPOSED to be from kripke's pen until jensen went ummmmm no. he has trauma :) and forcibly gave him layers #this is also not samcrit btw i always need to clarify that #i am bad at sam studies but i think you could also write posts (and ppl have) about how dean doesn't truly know sam either #bc he has Little Baby Brother zoned him forever even though he is almost 40 by the end of s15