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#not a house with strangers who hate you
ave-the-enby · 3 months
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Home
Lost in familiar places that burn
Yearning for that place to call home
Trudging on hoping the tides turn
Forever cursed to always roam
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narnour-momo-007 · 8 months
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They only have one braincell and it ain't working right now.
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Bonus mushy ms paint trash :]
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ecoamerica · 2 months
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youtube
Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared
The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!
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trensu · 1 year
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ETA: now on ao3 as Hawkins Halfway House for Homeless Horrors
ETA2: now with an additional snippet
okay, how's this for an AU
We know that Steve wants to be a dad. Like, his literal life dream is to have a minimum of six children. SIX. who wants that?? crazy people, that's who. but we forgive him his insanity because he's sweet and will actually probably be a really good dad and there's not enough of those in the world.
the downer is that it's the late 90s, he's a (still) single guy in his thirties, and every adoption agency on the planet would rather give their children to a heteronormative couple who don't even want kids than to a single dude who would dedicate his heart and soul to giving his kids a happy healthy home.
He's bemoaning his fate to Robin at a bar they recently discovered. It's a weird little joint, kinda tucked away on the outskirts where Steve could've sworn didn't exist just last week. The patrons were kinda weird too but neither he or Robin could put their finger on why or how. If Steve had been a little less miserable, and Robin a little less caught up in comforting him, they might've noticed how everyone else in the bar kept sneaking curious glances at them or how they somehow always kept most of their features hidden.
They didn't though. Even when they were interrupted by a handsome black gentleman who called himself Jeff. Jeff said that he couldn't help but overhear their dilemma and that he's actually part of an agency that is more open minded about potential foster or adoptive parents. Steve's a little deeper in his cups than he intended, and doesn't question that some random guy in a bar is offering him a chance of having children. Robin is not as far in her cups and finds it a bit suspicious.
She was going to say something about it but Jeff looked her in the eye and said, "Everything is fine. There's no reason to worry. I'm only trying to help."
"You're only trying to help," Robin murmured back blearily. "Everything is fine. Yeah. Yeah, 'm not worried."
Jeff gives Steve his card and tells him he can stop by the very next day if he'd like, since his schedule is open.
The next day, Steve is regretting having gotten so drunk. Not really because of the hangover (though holy shit, he is NOT twenty anymore he needs to stop drinking like one). No. It's because Jeff had just finished giving him a tour of the facility full of rambunctious children in need of a home.
Actually, that had been pretty okay even if the other adults in the facility startled at the sight of him and the children kept ducking into other rooms to hide from him.
No. It's because Jeff had just introduced him to a child named Dustin who sneezed unexpectedly and somehow turned into a kitten.
"Um," Steve said. Jeff sighed.
"Dustin hasn't gotten back control over his shapeshifting since his mother's passing, but I assure you he's been improving."
"...shapeshifting," Steve said, numbly.
"Yes. Dustin tends to go for cat shapes, like his mother did." Jeff bends down to pick up the loudly mewing tabby kitten. "We've managed to get him to shift mostly into a domestic shorthair, rather than a cougar cub."
"That's great," Steve squeaked as he tried to tamp down the growing hysteria in him. "Really, really great. Y'know what, Jeff, this whole thing's been great but I think I'm still kind of drunk so I'm just gonna go--"
"No, wait," Jeff says, quickly placing the Dustin kitten on his shoulder before reaching out to grab Steve by the elbow. "Please. Look, you seem like a good guy. I did a quick scan of you and everything, and I really think if you'd take a moment to sit down and--"
"JEFFORD BILLANY JONES."
Jeff's shoulders hunched, nearly dislodging Dustin from his shoulder. He sighed again and turned to face the man storming towards him and Steve.
"Eddy, you know none of that is my name."
"I'll call you whatever I want since for some unfathomable reason, you've brought a human into my sanctuary. Why is there a human in my home, Jeffamy."
"Eddy, let me explain."
"It's Eddie in front of the human," Eddie said.
Steve's brain was experiencing some sort of malfunction because Jeff had been calling this man Eddie, except if he concentrated, the way Jeff said Eddie and the way Eddie had said Eddie sounded very very different except it hadn't because they both sounded like Eddie except for how Jeff's Eddie sounded different from, the same as, different, just like--
A pair of ringed fingers snapped aggressively in front of his face, startling Steve from an impending aneurysm.
"You. Who are you, who sent you, what do you want."
Steve stuttered something incoherent. He's pretty sure he's had a mental break from reality. There was some sort of sentient black sludge creeping across the tiled floor, wrapping a tendril around Jeff's leg.
"What is that?" Steve squawked. Jeff beamed at him.
"Oh, this is El! She's a Monster Under the Bed. She hasn't decided on a form yet, but that's okay, we love her just as she is."
"Jeff," Eddie snapped. Jeff looked at Eddie stubbornly.
"You told me we needed all hands on deck."
"How dare you, I'd never stoop to using boat metaphors."
"Don't distract me with blatant lies. Eddy, you said we needed help. You said you'd take anyone at this point."
Steve has not been able to stop staring at the sludge creature (El?). He's beginning to realize that he can't quite remember what Jeff looked like, or any of the adults they had seen. He's noticing that some of the children that have been scampering about had looked off. Like the boy with the bowl-cut they had passed by earlier who had looked...frosty around the edges. Or the girl he thought had had red feathers in her hair but is now suspecting the feathers were something more than decorative.
Ringed fingers snap in front of his face again. Steve finally focused on the man named Eddie who was actually named Eddie which was different from Eddie somehow. Now that he's able to shove away the confusion that is this man's name, he's struck by the fact that Eddie was quite possibly the most gorgeous man Steve's ever seen. He had wide, dark eyes that made Steve think of seabeds in the deepest of waters. His hair was a riot of dark brown curls that for some reason brought to mind swirling schools of fish.
"Answer my questions," Eddie demanded. Steve blinked and, with some difficulty, remembered the previous interrogation.
"Uh, I'm Steve. Jeff invited me because I want to be a dad."
Eddie barked out a laugh.
"Oh, is that right? In that case, welcome to Hawkins' Halfway House for Homeless Horrors! I'm sure Jeff would love to finish introducing you to the rest of our children. Have you met Mike? He's a ghoul! Or Lucas! He's a werewolf and his dream is to become a basketball star. They both have very sharp teeth so watch out for their tantrums."
Jeff scowls at Eddie before turning back to Steve. Steve was starting to feel faint and he was no longer sure if he regretted drinking the night before or regretted not drinking more.
"Steve, it's okay. Eddy is making it sound scarier than it actually is. You said you wanted to be a dad, and we need foster parents that can help these kids learn how to blend in with humans. That's what the halfway house is for, but there's only so much they can learn while living in sanctuary. We need a way to have them experience the human world more directly while still keeping them safe, and I think you're the solution we've been looking for. What do you think?"
"I think I need to sit down," Steve said thinly. Eddie snorted derisively. Steve was slightly offended but honestly everything was a bit too much right now and he really would like to sit down for a moment just to process. Because monsters are real, apparently, and some of them need parents. Which was terrifying to think about but also not so much? Because all kids were little monsters some of the time right? If Steve could have a moment to get his bearings...
"This was a terrible idea, Jeffathan."
"I think it was a great idea, actually. I really think this could work."
"No. I forbid it. Don't do this again."
Then there was a sweet and beautiful humming. It made the edges of Steve's mind go fuzzy and soft. He blinked slowly and looked for the source of the sound. Eddie stared at him intently and when he spoke, his voice was like music.
"Steve," Eddie said. "Steve, do you want to make me happy?"
Steve nodded dumbly. He wanted that more than anything in the whole world. He wanted to make Eddie smile. He wanted Eddie to never stop singing.
"It would make me very happy if you went home and forgot everything you saw here today," Eddie continued.
Steve made a sad sound. He didn't want to forget. He didn't want to forget beautiful, gorgeous Eddie and this place that could make his dream come true.
"Please, Steve," Eddie's lyrical voice took on an aching mournful tone. "If you don't, you'll break my heart. I'll never be happy again."
The sadness in the song made Steve feel like the world was ending. Eddie couldn't be sad! Steve would rather die than make Eddie sad!
"I forget," Steve mumbled through the fog in his mind. "And you'll be happy?"
"So happy. I'd be the happiest man alive if you do that one little thing for me, my sweet Steve."
Steve nods again. "Okay."
"Good boy," Eddie croons. Steve felt like he swallowed the sun at those words. He followed Eddie as Eddie guided him through the halfway house. Eddie hummed his lovely song the entire way.
"Go home and forget," Eddie sang one last time as he helped Steve get behind the wheel of his car.
"Yeah," Steve replied dreamily and drove away.
--
The telephone rang shrilly through his apartment. Steve stumbled out of bed and picked up, only fumbling it a little bit.
"H'llo?"
"Steve, what the hell, I've been trying to get a hold of you all day! Where have you been?" Robin's voice rang out, making Steve flinch. He scrubbed his free hand over his face tiredly.
"Home? I just woke up," Steve said. It was weird that he was fully dressed, he thought dazedly, but it wouldn't be the first time he's passed out drunk in his street clothes. Was he wearing this shirt yesterday? He could've sworn he'd worn the navy one.
"What? Just now? It's like five in the evening!"
"Huh. That'd explain the weird dream," Steve mumbled.
"Was it the one where you get seduced by a giant squid? Because I don't need to know more about your weird tentacle fetish."
"I don't have a tentacle fetish! I had the dream ONE time, and I wasn't being seduced, I was getting drowned and it was terrifying!"
"To-may-to, to-mah-to."
"Whatever, this one was weirder anyway."
"I find that hard to believe but now I'm morbidly curious. Hit me with it."
"...I don't remember."
"There goes my entertainment for the evening."
"Was there a reason you called, Robin?"
"Yes! I met this girl named Chrissy and I swear Steve, she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen..."
Beautiful. Steve had the faint impression of dark eyes and silver rings, but it was quickly washed away like a child's sandcastle in the tide under the onslaught of Robin's ramblings. As he listened to his best friend, he couldn't help but feel there was something he'd forgotten. There was something he'd been planning on doing today, wasn't there...?
...oh, well. If it was really important, he'd remember eventually.
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kavehater · 2 months
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I support girls but NAH THIS IS REACHING “if you look carefully LIKE REALLY CAREFULLY 🤓☝️”
#the same people who would shriek like the witch of the north melting her skin off if I tell you haikaveh / kavetham isn’t implied because#if you actually look into our culture they’re being normal and not everyone having rivalry and caring about each other means they’re 💅#in fact Arabs are some of the worlds most hospitable people alhaitham letting kaveh live with him#is the most Arab thing I’ve ever seen#heck if kaveh was a stranger it wouldn’t be unusual for an Arab to let him in their house ☠️#goddamn#“if you look in the internet you can see how they’re implied!🤓☝️”#maybe if you had any respect for my culture or any desire to be educated when I’m handing this to you for free you wouldn’t be your mistake#your mums greatest mistake 🤗🤗🤗*#dora daily#if only ppl dedicated this level of detail to actual culture compared to pulling out their microscope at level 100x magnification lens to#observe robins spots under her eyes the world would be a better place 🙀#let me tell you btw this whole I hate you meh meh meh ( I’m so in love with you ) trope is the most whitest booktok millennial plant growing#basement dweller nonesense I have ever heard in my life don’t do that to my pookies ☹️#( the pookies in fact were 11 and 9 years older than her respectively )#guys my dad is the straightest man alive ( oh the trauma lowkey wish he wasn’t ) and he legit was putting his hand on his best friends lap#LMAOOO even I as a very logical person was like bro this is so zesty rn I am SO uncomfortable#anyways live laugh love boothill x Baizhu they’re the most canon things I’ve ever seen in my life#<- this is a joke btw it’s an ironic ship I saw on tiktok ☠️
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fallout-fucker · 11 months
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Crows Of The Commonwealth
I was on CrowTok and it made me come up with an idea.
So, obviously a lot of the crows in the Commonwealth are made by the Institute, though I personally like to believe that there are still a lot of crows that are regular ones, too.
Crows are an incredibly smart species of bird, which makes sense as to why they're the ones the Institute use. To my memory, I don't think there are any other birds in the game. Again, I'd like to headcanon that they're not the only ones left but if only a few species of birds managed to survive the bombs and the aftermath, I wouldn't put it past crows to be one of those species due to that intelligence.
Crows are known for recognising people, which also works in favour of the Institute as to why they'd choose them specifically. If you are able to tell the difference between individual crows, you'll be less likely to question if a specific one if following you if you are aware they likely recognise you.
However, they're also known to bring gifts and trinkets if treated right, or actually attack people who don't. And they remember faces. I don't get the impression that the Institute treats them too kindly if they don't even consider Gen 3 Synths as people, who are literally created with technology and human biology/DNA.
If we imagine that the Institute Crows work like Synths do, then that means that they are also able to become independent like Synths can. We know they have the level of intelligence, more so than another species of bird, to perhaps reach that level of independence. That's exactly why the Institute picked them. Wouldn't it be ironic if that became part of the Institute's downfall.
So imagine a Sole Survivor, fresh out of the Vault, scared and cold on their first few nights. Hungry, tired, likely sick, grieving. Alone. They have Dogmeat. They have themselves. A few strangers they saved. Nothing else.
They're trying their best one night to settle. They've only been unfrozen for a few days by now, but have yet to leave Sanctuary. They chose to stay for a couple days to prepare for their long journey ahead, and rebuild their home so they had somewhere to go back to. Preston has taught them basics self defence and survival, Sturges has helped them temporarily fix the holes in their walls. They're not close to these strangers yet, but there's a small comfort in knowing there's still people, and people nearby to run to if anything not friendly comes knocking on their door.
They're picking at a 200 year old box of stale cereal, not able to stomach the taste just yet. In the end, they end up leaving it in a bowl for Dogmeat to have, preferring to sleep, hunger be damned. They sleep on the floor that used to hold the dinning table, not ready to sleep in the now-too-empty bedrooms.
By morning, their sleep is interrupted. Not by the cold October air that their thin, makeshift blanket- That doubles as their coat during the day- barley keeps away. Not by the sunlight that seeps in by the broken shards of class where the window used to be. Not by drops of rain that fall through the cracks in the ceiling. Not even by Dogmeat licking then awake, like he did yesterday morning. This time it's the sound of pecking and squawking that has Sole prying their eyes open.
A small group of grows picking at the bowl of cereal. They must've gotten in through what once was the window, or literally any of the holes of missing metal panels scattered throughout the building. Sole barely has it in them to care. They know they shouldn't waste food that could've gone to them or their new furry friend, but they truly cannot bring it in them to mind. They wonder if the birds have a hard time finding food, too, and decide it might not be a waste at all.
They sit up. A few of the crows fly up onto the windowsill at their movements, one stays enjoying their breakfast, unfazed. Sole waits, sitting still until the birds realise they have no intention of harming them. They glide back down onto the floor, going back to eating.
After a few moments, the crow that stayed perks his head up, neck twitching into an angle that lets him look at Sole. He hops over, stopping just before he reaches their lap. Sole raises their hand, thumb and index finger moving slowly until they land on its neck. His feathers bristle under Sole's pets, his feet dancing happily beneath him. The other crows finish their breakfast. Salem, Sole decides to call him, joins his friends who hop back onto the windowsill. They fly off. He turns his head to the side, a beady eye looking at Sole again. He squawks at them before flying off to join the others.
Sole spends the rest of their day taking metal panels from some of the completely collapsed houses to fix the holes in their walls. They're able to find paint at the old Red Rocket down the road when looking for more equipped tools. Repainting isn't exactly their priority right now, just making sure the house will be fit to stand against the weather, and for when it gets colder in the next few months. The paint will be useful when they get to the stage of being able to consider making it look presentable, however. Unfortunately, the only paintbrush they find is snapped in half. They toss it in frustration. Less so because of the brush itself, and more so because Sole has a lot of anger built up from the events of the last few days that they have no other outlet for.
They end up going home when the sun starts to set, having avoided the empty tomb of memories for as long as possible. It wasn't safe to be out so close to dark.
When they set down their tolls by the door, something on the kitchen counter catches their eye.
Upon inspection, they realise it's an intact paintbrush.
Their confusion lasts barely five seconds, as they hear a familiar squawk. Hoping on the windowsill is Salem. His eyes study Sole. He's waiting. Sole smiles, pulling open the duffle bag they'd taken on their supply run. They pull out two wild mutfruits, which they'd harvested from bushes near the station. Sole cuts them into smaller pieces, before tossing them gently into the grass of their back garden from the car porch. Salem glides to the pieces, now satisfied in knowing that Sole approved of and appreciated his gift. Sole looks up to the trees that border their garden where other crows have started to also descend from to join in on the food offering. Apparently, there's a lot more in this group than what Sole had assumed from the smaller one earlier. About twenty feathered creatures dance about on branches decorated by orange and brown leaves or nibble at the mutfruit in the grass.
Salem flies over once he's had his fill, taking a seat on Sole's shoulder. His friends also begin hopping over gradually, and Sole ends up sitting down to welcome them and pet their small heads. Dogmeat also seems to love the attention, or perhaps just the warmth that radiates from Sole's body as he curls up next to them. Every so often, one of them drops a trinket into Sole's lap as they snuggle into them. A random screw, some gears, even some bottlecaps. Bits and bobs that a few days ago, Sole would've considered mostly junk, even if they'd still been appreciative, but everything now is useful. They even drop a few things by Dogmeat's snout, who sniffs them, tail wagging. Sole doesn't think Salem appreciates the happy licks Dogmeat gives him, though.
Regardless, Sole breathes out slowly, deeply, as they take in the sunset and birdsong before them. It's the first time they've honestly felt any peace since leaving that godforsaken Vault.
Sole makes a mental note to redesign the kitchen window when they get around to fixing it so that it'll be able to open widely. They also begin thinking about designs for birdhouses, feeders, and small fountains.
It's safe to say Sole feels slightly better than they did when they went to bed last night.
They feel less alone.
For some reason, as Salem nestles into their lap, against their stomach, a small pressure builds in their gut. They can't quite shake the instinct, the thought that comes with it. The feeling that Salem feels less alone now, too.
#Aka a story where Sole unintentionally befriends the Institute crows and teaches them actual love#To the point where they start to also rebel against their creators. Sole starts finding crows that have clawed out their own eyes#Or that have scratched chunks (Chips and cameras) out of their necks and turns Sanctuary into. Well. A Crow Sanctuary#Sole accidentally trains a crow army to be loyal to them#They start getting to the point where crows start being able to send messages like pigeons for the Minutemen and Railroad#Deacon hated the idea at first and when he found out Sole was basically housing Institute spies almost had a heart attack#Then he got on board when he realised the crows were also starting to runaway from the Institute#Salem likes to prank Deacon#They even steal Institute tech so their human friends can study it :)#Who needs to train Deathclaws when you have an army of birds that are already trained in spy work#And who you can use to find Synth agents because they recognise their faces and WILL attack them on sight#Who needs the Mysterious Stranger when every bird in the 'Wealth will swoop in to peck and claw at a raider's face when you're outnumbered#Sole being the King/Queen/Master of crows goes hard ngl#Their animal friend perk is maxed out. They DO also raise a baby Deathclaw just because they can#I might make a fic that includes this idea tbh because I love it#And I have been wanting to make a realistic fic about what it would be like for Sole. Especially in the early days.#Sole Survivor#Salem The Crow#Dogmeat#Deacon#Fallout#Fallout 4
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doodlboy · 5 months
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wanted to make sure i told you again! it is literally basic fandom etiquette not to use the main tags for vent/anti/hate about a character! people use those tags because they LIKE solomon, not because they want to see some idiot calling him "basically a rapist" for something >>NOT EVEN ASMODEUS<< interpreted that way. fix your fucking tags! go fuck yourself!
Hi there, If your initial reaction to seeing someone talk about negative [yet still canon] things related to your favorite character is to come into that person's ask box and tell them to go fuck themselves, you need to get up, turn of your computer, and go outside for a while.
Whatever post you're mad about was made months ago, using tags that are meant to be used when discussing a character regardless of how much the op likes said character.
Solomon is fine, I don't really care for him, but what I'm most likely referring to in the post you're talking about is the hypocrisy of the obey me fandom when it comes to Solomon's behavior.
When Solomon attempted to give Lucifer a drink that was enchanted to make him want a pact with Solomon, it was fairly well agreed across the fandom that what Solomon did was pretty fucked up and not okay. However, when talking about how Solomon got his pact with Asmodeus by taking advantage of the fact he was heartbroken and drunk to tie him into a forever binding pact against his will, somehow people are making excuses as to why it was necessary and why what Solomon did is fine actually and not a problem at all. This is where my issue with Solomon and his fans lies, with the hypocrisy. I couldn't give 2 shits whether he's your favorite character or not, good for you if he is! But what we're NOT going to do is scream bloody murder when Solomon attempts to do shady shit to Lucifer, but overly demonize Asmodeus, say he deserved it, say his charming power is non consensual regardless of the fact nowhere in canon says he has ever used it to have non consensual sex and has only used it to get himself and his family out of danger, or say that he is a beast that needs to be controlled when we don't talk that way about the other 6 brothers, when Solomon succeeds in taking advantage of his inebriated state to tie them together so he can use Asmodeus' power for his own gain.
And one more thing we aren't going to do; call me an idiot and accuse me of calling your blorbo a rapist when *you* cannot tell the difference between someone saying "a character was taken advantage of while under the influence" and "this character is a rapist." Solomon did not sexually assault anyone, however the framing of that scene is open to interpretation and to my interpretation, it was heavy handed in showing Solomon doing something that is extremely not okay and laughing it off like it was completely fine. Because to him, it IS fine to treat demons like that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my interpretation of the scene, and I will continue to use characters' main tags when talking about them because the tags are used for discussion.
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ecoamerica · 2 months
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Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc
The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!
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notauri · 5 months
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christmas fucking sucks man
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longlive2023 · 2 years
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so i did not see the plot twist in the last episode
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milo-is-rambling · 29 days
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I miss having money I do not miss working do you see the problem here
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confettidogs · 5 months
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Maybe I should start yanking my dads nose when he’s mansplaining the way he does to my dog when she’s barking because she’s scared
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fionnaskyborn · 5 months
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ten thousand mannequin attack upon the next [REDACTED] fan who visits my blog
#logs#lmfao (lamenting my fucking anguish online)#listen i know i partially signed up for this when i played the games and listened to the audiodrama and read the novelizations and whatnot.#however‚ as a person who (despite not being very hateful most of the time) wants to drop hydrogen bombs on all but a select few#[REDACTED] fans‚ GET OUT#obligatory this post was written by a person who detests bombs and nuclear weapons et cetera et cetera. it's complicated.#also saw the nthousandth ''haha [REDACTED] is a raging misogynist'' ''''joke'''' today. please shut the fuck up.#the relationship i have with the greater fanbase of these games is very negative to begin with but if the topic is [REDACTED] in particular#i open the door to my house the way a conservative american geezer would - with a grimace on my face and a shotgun in my hands#the worst part is that i really don't have anything against random fans visiting my blog - i like passersby and i like talking to people#about mutual interests‚ i think that much is obvious! i believe myself to be a rather easygoing guy as far as those things go.#but the amount of laptopshutworthy slop that comes from the big names of this pseudo-community makes me feel outraged#again i have to emphasize that i have nothing against regular ass people who are into these videogames‚ i'm not gonna shoo away a random#stranger just because they like this one thing‚ far from it#but there is a specific flavor‚ so to speak‚ of fans who dish out nothing but takes and analyses that make you wish you didn't have eyes#which i want nothing to do with#and this post is referring EXCLUSIVELY to those people. no one else.
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oscill4te · 9 months
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the epic mixed race experience of having a white qanon father who sees your existence as a political threat (for being a brown bi gnc vegan) instead of his daughter, whom he should love even if shes different than what he expected her to be... skill issue on his part bc i turned out pretty epic imo
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sagesilentfire · 11 months
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The other person is correct. You sound kinda pretencious and like you don't get how fanfics work. Try to make something instead of trying to drag talented artists for being fun and successful.
bruh...
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i literally write fanfic. all the time. and a lot of it is fluff, or it wouldn't be five volumes.
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ariaste · 4 days
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listen ok so i made some good jokes yesterday about Lestat having an onlyfans but i am back today with a new essay and this one is entitled
Why The Invention Of Social Media Is Going to Permanently Save Loustat's Fucking Marriage
come on this journey with me.
ok so on one hand we have Louis, who does not like to leave the house except when he absolutely fucking has to and even then he resents it. my man wants to be at home with a book 100% of the time and he's so fucking valid for that. When he leaves the house, bad things happen to him. He has learned this and honestly i can't fault his evidence. it sucks out there. it truly incredibly sucks out there.
the problem is that sometimes he is married to lestat, who starts clawing at the walls if people aren't paying attention to him for 12 consecutive seconds, and being Out Of The House is the best place for him to go foraging for People To Pay Attention To Him. my man once had a rock star career the way that some people get addicted to meth brewed in a trashcan in someone's garage. Louis, through no fault of his own, is simply not capable of filling this psychological need no matter how hard he tries, except he should not even HAVE to try like that, because no one can do it, because Lestat is fucked up and like wasn't hugged enough as a child or something
this imbalance in their relationship is the core source of all their marital problems since day 1: THIS man's idea of a good time is chilling on the sofa in silence and maybe staring contemplatively at the wall for a while, and THIS man starts self-destructing at a truly astonishing rate if no one is making eye contact with him. If you make Louis go outside and socialize with people, he's miserable and sulking and whining about "are we done can we go home". If you make Lestat sit in silence in a chair for five minutes he starts crying and claiming that No One Has Ever Loved Him, Ever, Ever, And No One Understands Him, And He Hates Everyone In This House and He Is Being Actively Neglected And Cruelly Mistreated Right Now And No One Even Bothers To Feel Sorry For Him, This Is BASICALLY Domestic Violence Against Him Personally, If Only Anyone Knew About The Quiet Hidden Tragedies Of An Unhappy Marriage, and then he breaks some furniture and a window and isn't seen again for six weeks and comes back like "you will not believe what just happened, i [checks notes] met Merlin and also a dragon who gave me three wishes, brb i'm going to write another book about it :))))"
all you fucking have to do to fix their problems is to hand Lestat a cellphone and say the words "do you know about social media? you can say whatever shit you want and there's always someone awake in some time zone to talk to you." Suddenly Lestat is now very interested in sitting quietly on the couch, Lounging Alluringly and posting thirst traps on instagram and finally getting emotional fulfillment from all the likes and comments of "omg???? omg this is the hottest man alive". he does not have to leave the house anymore to get his attention meth. His yawning abyss of neediness is being fulfilled by having parasocial relationships with millions of strangers online who all think he's sexy and don't have to experience how fucking awful he is up close. he can flirt pointlessly with 200 people at once which is FINALLY ENOUGH FLIRTATIONS FOR HIM TO SATISFACTORILY JUGGLE
Meanwhile Louis is 3 feet away, vaguely reflecting to himself that HE is feeling all emotionally fulfilled because they're spending this great Quality Time together in perfect silence while he reads his book and Lestat plays on his cellular telephone and only OCCASIONALLY giggles to himself or says "louis which of these photos do you think is sexier, the one with four buttons undone or the one with five buttons undone" Louis is feeling like his Opinion is being Valued, Louis feels like he is being Consulted on Matters that are Important To Lestat. He has opinions about the photographs. It is not that much trouble to be interrupted from staring philosophically at the wall to spend five seconds looking at a photograph and then saying "that one". Finally he is experiencing Cozy Domesticity. he is so horny about it. lestat is surprised and bewildered about the sudden sharp increase in the amount of sex he is now getting but before he can make any vaguely mean comments about it (bc he's confused and vaguely defensive and worried that it's going to stop out of nowhere and he doesn't know any other interpersonal skills for expressing a thought) his phone pings about how he's just broken 5 million followers on instagram and he totally forgets to even mention the sex thing, which means that he continues getting the sex instead of inciting an argument about the sex and going through his 800th divorce from Louis
all their friends are extremely confused when a whole month, and then six months, and then a year goes by without another Loud Divorce happening and no one crashing through their front door like "I HAVE TO SLEEP IN YOUR GUEST COFFIN FOR THE NEXT MONTH, HE IS INTOLERABLE". They are worried. they are concerned. what is going on over there. are they both dead. no, they can't both be dead, Lestat just posted another tiktok of him sucking on his own fingers, which he would not be doing if Louis were dead. there is an ecosystem collapse happening in the groupchat and it's because the main Drama Vectors have been neutralized
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knightsickness · 6 months
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robert era westeros dashboard simulation
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🫁 maidenless
JON ARRYN DEAD 🦀🦀🦀
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🐉 rhaegarsvalyria—deactivated
imagine you are lost targaryen princess danaerys marrying your dear brother, prince viserys targaryen 🤍👰🏼‍♀️
📜 citadelscribe
deactivated… king robert got them
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🐺 starkupdates
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if you don’t speak politics ned’s basically saying ‘not this time, cunt - papa wolf ned isn’t letting you fuck with his pack. while we’re at it, you’re a terrible jouster, bitch!’ to jaime lannister. who else is doing it like him!!
🥘 bowlofbrown
crying at this they’re both lords they DO NOT care if you live or die. what’s wrong with you people
🌞 bowedbentbroken
aren’t their families literally intermarrying
🪵 riverlandspussy
serfs would stan a dog if it was landed
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🐊 lizardlion
bracken dick would be good if they didn’t talk about how much better they fuck than the blackwoods the entire time
🌳 oldegodluvrr
why house blackwood stays 🔛🔝
🗝 livesbythefingers
i have terrible news about what blackwoods also talk about during sex
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🔥 melisandre
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the red represents projected support for STANNIS BARATHEON - king robert’s once and future HEIR
🦑 saltmalewife
shitting myself at this
🐦 muttonmouthed
stannis there’s doubts near the bloody gate watch out !!
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💘 luckylikestcriston
🎭 silkyourstreet
every so often someone accidentally reinvents the fourth council of baelor
🦀 celtigwhore
how is crone not sweeping do you people hate women
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🫁 maidenless
JON ARRYN STILL DEAD 🦀🦀🦀
🐴 littlestfrey
why are we celebrating? what did he do? /gen
📜 citadelscribe
known cuckold
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🌞 bowedbentbroken
do you think littlefinger and varys ever no i shan’t say
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🪸 patchpatchpatchface
on earth, the lords eat roast, and the peasants gruel !! in hell, the lords eat gruel, and the peasants roast !!
🪨 dragonstoner
another patchface banger
🦑 saltmalewife
the man cannot miss
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