#no. but life goes on and i dont care too much

[excalibur-gone-missing]

Paring: The8x fem!reader 

Requested: no

Genre:  angst, established relationship, hint of fluff

Warning(s): themes of grief, loss, mourning and hospitalization (im not a doctor so please excuse my medical knowledge)

Summary: You never thought of your husbands life as fleeting. But time did its dutiful job of reminding you so.

Word count: 1.1k

Other works 

Beta reader: none

disclaimer: this is not the exact representation of the subjects in real life. I just use them for my inspiration. 

a/n: I would greatly appreciate it if all of you could take a moment to comment on this fic. As an author, I find great value in your feedback, as it allows me to better comprehend my readers, and I thoroughly enjoy interacting with all of you. Constructive criticism is always welcome, so don't hesitate to talk about this fic or send me an ask. Moreover, if you loved it, don't forget to reblog and help me reach a wider audience. So please dont be a silent reader.

[permanent taglist] [only for those interested, don’t fill the form otherwise] 

You wore the baby blue dress, adorned your eyes with waterproof mascara, and got ready to go out. Your son shouted from the kitchen, “Mom, I packed one more hotteok for you. Have it with Dad. He will love it.”

Smiling at how thoughtful of a young man your son had grown up to be, you walked out of the bedroom to caress his head. “I will eat it. Don’t worry so much.”

The boy gave you a hug in return, promising to visit you with his wife sometime soon. After all, the girl was pregnant and would need as much care from you as possible during her pregnancy.

With that, you walked out, ready to meet your husband for his birthday lunch, which was packed in the heat-retaining bag with you. It was almost an hour’s drive to the place from where you lived. The commute never got easier, no matter the time or the day.

You got into the taxi; you were never one to learn driving. It was just not needed, as someone at your house was always there to help you commute, be it your husband or your son. So at times like this, you felt the absence of the skill.

But it was not like life didn’t go on. It was not something you wanted to change at this age. You were scared of banging the car into some random tree and feeling the wrath of your husband for causing damage to the love of his life, Vivian. Yes, that indeed was the name of the car. And yes, it was the great idea of your husband to name it so. Some might say you both didn’t have a daughter, but he would like to disagree with them, because you both obviously had Vivian. You sometimes suspected he loved that godforsaken car more than you.

The man was shameless enough to agree with those accusations, but he was too cute to argue with, so you let him be.

The time passed inside the car thinking about your husband, the times you both had spent together, all those rocky yet satisfying moments, and all those nights you both ditched all your friends and family to stay in together, basking in each other’s presence. It was one of those feelings that made you warm and mushy inside, no matter what.

----

“Do you think we will be together forever?” Minghao asks you. It's been a year since you both tied the knot after dating for two, and yet you still feel like your breath stops every time you see him. He just has that effect on you; it's not reasonable, but it's true.

“What do you mean? You are stuck with me. I will hold onto you no matter how much you try to escape!” you say as you pull him in for a kiss.

Satisfied with your answer, he happily goes back to doodling in his diary.

----

As you walked into the hospital, you gave the guard a kind smile, which he returned. After all, when you frequent a place long enough, you end up becoming acquainted with almost everyone who works there.

Quickly, you walked to your husband's cabin. As you entered the room, you could hear your lover whining at the nurse about something, a sound that immediately ceased as his eyes found you.

Without wasting any time, he stretched his arm towards you, his eyes asking for you to hold him. As you embraced him, the nurse walked out, giving you both privacy.

“Happy birthday, my love,” you said quietly, as he rested his head on your chest.

“What did you bring me?” came a quiet whine from underneath you. Laughing, you let go of the man and began to show him, one by one, the feast you had prepared for him.

The minute he laid his eyes upon them, his face broke into a childlike smile, waiting for you to complete plating his food so he could enjoy them.

After all, it had been a long time since his doctors allowed him to have something you brought for him. Within seconds of putting the food on the plate, it was gone. Not that you were complaining, but it was still a record for the man. Never had you seen him devour your cooking this fast.

“Slow down,” you had told him, but the man had all his attention focused on the food, too much to care for his wife.

The nurse didn’t let you stay in the room long after that. The authorities were a bit too strict about maintaining the rules for your liking, but it was okay.

With a last meaningful glance at each other, you exited the room to meet his doctor to complete the procedures for his discharge.

----

“I can’t do this anymore, Y/N,” your husband cries out loud from your embrace, and you hold him, rocking gently.

“But you promised you would hold on. What will I do without you?” you say, trying to hold back your tears.

Looking at you, he wipes the stray tears that have escaped. “I can’t live like this. It’s too much. I’m three surgeries in already, and I don’t see any hope anymore. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be. Plus, this place feels too suffocating for me to be in.”

Not being able to come up with a rebuttal, you just stay as you are, trying to understand why it has to be him who goes through so much pain while simultaneously pleading with some supernatural being to give you all his pain.

That night you both spend crying. But what has to be done will be done.

----

 Minghao had been dancing most of his life. Even after he stopped being a professional dancer, he was a dancer at heart. The constant heart attacks that resulted in him being permanently attached to life support, along with the surgeries, killed him inside. They slowly murdered the dancer in him. He lost his sense of freedom, something he treasured the most.

It was then he realized nothing was worth his freedom, not even his life. So there you were, arguing with the doctor to let him be discharged, even though he was at high risk of having another heart attack and should be constantly monitored.

“I understand that, sir, but this is what my husband wants, so I would like you to prepare his discharge papers,” you said, persistent.

“Sure, ma’am. It will be done by tomorrow,” the doctor said reluctantly after realizing there was no winning with you.

After completing the procedure, you went back to your husband to give him the good news about going back home the next day. He looked happy. You could see it in his eyes, and you were happy for him.

If only you had known that the next day you would take your husband away from that hospital for good, but not in the way you had hoped to.

That night, Minghao suffered another attack, one that was hellbent on taking him away from you. It ended up succeeding.

As you sat there at the funeral home, beside the beautiful picture of your smiling husband, and with your son greeting the guests coming to pay their respects, you couldn’t help the tears from falling as you thought of the happy memories you both had shared and how even eternity was too little time for you to spend with him.

The End

#Seventeen #seventeen fic #caratsland #seventeen x reader #seventeen angst #the8 #minghao #xu minghao #seventeen #seventeen minghao #angst #seventeen fanfic #oneshot #seventeen xu minghao #seventeen x you #svt reactions #svt #svt imagines #svt fic #svt x y/n #svt x reader #svt x you #svt au #svt angst #minghao angst #minghao scenarios #minghao seventeen #minghao x y/n #the8 seventeen #minghao fluff

[majimassqueaktoy]

Your post got stolen and re-uploaded without credit

#okay but what post though #this is too vague Im nosy i want details #but also i dont really care that much #is reposting other peoples stuff good behaviour? #no. but life goes on and i dont care too much #i do care a lil tho #just abit #always remember back in the day someone literally reposted an entire 10 set gifset of mine #and i was like ? who could be bothered to do that 😂 #worse tho was when someone screenshotted my sets and id be like girl at least go to the effort to repost it PROPERLY #unless its one of the stupid edits i make #bc i LOVE when i see a dumb lil majima in princess bed or a yagami gigling with acrylics shit like that makes me laugh #when i see people usin em as reaction images and stuff months later #like oh you liked that enough to save it? nice... #one of the homies on twitter posts em all the time in her circles and shes korean #so she'll be talkin and then in english its just like JESS 😁 and one of my like dumb edits and im like #omg heyyyyyy #shes such a cute girl tho i love her shes wholesome and kind 🥺 #thats got nothin to do with this i just think its funny the nicest people ive encountered are majimako homies akksddkdk #ask

[bunnihearted]

lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it

#idk it's just all too much to deal w #i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish #i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months #like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk #i just dont know what to do or how to handle it #im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job #im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself #i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it #idk the list just goes on and on and on #nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help #i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all #im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc #i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable #i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city #anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :(( #it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more. #so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk

[rxttenfish]

honestly as much as i joke and compare miranda to the severely abused rescue parrot or basically a pet tiger you keep in your house, theres also the counterpart to this that goes, aaravi is basically her service dog.

as in, like, it connects back to merfolk socialization and them constantly having someone who they consider basically a part of themselves always around and being dependent on having other people there to react or behave appropriately. and miranda getting denied that as instead her family lineage was supposed to act as this instead and failed her in being a good replacement in MULTIPLE ways, so now she's basically just... entirely unable to behave normally or healthily from a merfolk lens. she is aggressive and violent, she is quick to lash out, she constantly feels insecure and terrified, she doesn't even conceive of herself as a person and views herself in terms of an object that exists for other people's use of her, she is basically incapable of taking care of herself, she regularly tries to hurt and kill herself with varying degrees of intention.

and the merfolk solution would be to introduce a caretaker into this relationship dynamic, whether through grafting miranda into an existing caretaker group or by adding a caretaker into her existing deep social group. which isn't an option, because that has DEEPLY political implications and implying herself as being flawed or the crown as flawed by proxy would either get her outright killed or even further abused. it's just not an option for her and why she keeps getting worse, because there is no help that can come from within this system.

and aaravi in turn, acts as a member of that social group, who miranda can look to and depend upon. firstly, to judge appropriate emotional response, because she acts much worse on her own, and having aaravi there means when miranda starts getting upset she can look to aaravi and see how she's acting and to know if she should intensify or if she needs to go to aaravi and seek comfort. but also just in the sense that miranda's ideas of what is healthy or safe have been destroyed and she does kind of need someone there to make sure she is taking care of herself and not hurting herself at any given moment. she needs someone to make her feel secure and safe and someone who she can rely on, and that need is very key to who she is as a merfolk and the nature of the trauma in question, and aaravi does fulfill the need of a caretaker.

#all the care guide says is 'biomass' #miravi.txt #this also goes in the other direction tbh #but i always. worry that its most intense on miranda's side. #because of just how severe the damage is and how much care she needs in turn #and that does involve basically constant contact #which like. #honestly. aaravi also kinda needs? shes way more needy and emotionally starved than she would ever let on #its just again the challenge of getting someone who she can even confront that WITH #and someone who wont then feel like shes too clingy or her abandonment issues are too bad to deal with #honestly. yeah aaravi is the jealous type. #in the sense of constantly feeling insecure and terrified that theyll leave #or that they dont actually like or care for her and are using her #and this does end up helping her in that sense because there is no question that no one else occupies the same position in miranda's life #that miranda does need her and relies on her and feels safe with her #to the point where it circles back around into such utter confidence in that that she doesnt get the jealousy anymore #because the feeling of insecurity that caused it is gone now #if this makes sense

[joanyio]

do you actually like a fictional band or you’re just tired of stanning real idol groups or artists because they are humans they will never be as perfect as you pictured them in your heads so loving a fictional band is the safer option

#lovely runner #me when im insane about eclipse a fictional band #ep 10 ending spoiler: pls get ryu sunjae back on the group i cant live without him my center my main vocal my superstar #ryu sunjae #byeon wooseok #kdrama #it’s so hard to keep stanning kpop groups lately bc so much is happening so many issues i could care less about #so being attached to a fictional group i dont necessarily have to invest too much of my life on is kinda the best thing in the world rn #and watching the drama is like seeing what goes on in their personal lives without being invasive???? lol this weird ass feeling

[the-knife-consumer]

Forgot just how upsetting gloomed korok forest is

#idk. just this one sanctuary that was different from the rest in that all of these spirits only link and a few others #can see are offering you help and safety. care uniquely for you. a bed for YOU. YOUR sword. kept safe for 100 years for YOU. #thrown together shops just for YOU because nobody else goes here or even knows it exists. #and then you return and the people who cared so much about you dont even speak to you anymore #they cant speak. they just stand there #idk korok forest made me feel the most like i fucked up somehow #rito village was bad but still livable. if things got any worse then they would have to abandon home until it settled #but no one was in immediate life threatening danger #gerudo was really REALLY bad and people were in danger. just all crammed inside a bunker. no going into town because your #home doesnt belong to you anymore #and then the zora were ... idk felt the least pressing even though it definitely should be bc like. they breathe water. #if the water is gross theyll die. but idk something about how it was executed felt less terrible #maybe they outwardly expressed more hope? idk. same with the gorons didnt feel like there was a pressing threat #but korok forest is fucking AWFUL. god #idk. nobody in hyrule talks about it because they dont know there are people there. nobody else can see them so nobody knows #somethings wrong. with no lead into it finding korok forest the way it is just feels soooo much worse. #idk. on my first playthru i kind thought i fucked up and shouldve gotten there sooner. #it just feels like no matter what youre too late and its your fault

[vampiremansionpoolboy-moved]

going insane over the fact that happiness and care and concern and love is underneath every interaction between newt and hermann in pacific rim

#HEAR ME OUT. they’re introduced and newt and being a groupie and behind him hermann is all huffing and rolling his eyes and shaking his #head but he’s Not Angry. no. he jumps to defend newt albeit in a somewhat mocking and sarcastic way BUT THE THOUGHT IS THERE. and then when #hermann is rambling on about numbers being the handwriting of god newt is in the background smiling and laughing and making silly #hand motions and yes the hand motion was a bit mocking BUT THATS THEIR WHOLW THINF. anyways i’m not done. when newt drifts with the kaiju #and pentecost is there talking to him and hermann and newt r yelling back in forth u can hear the unease and shakiness in their voices and #especially the frustration in hermanns. he’s frustrated abt newt risking his life and is worried abt that which translates out in anger. #and yeah maybe he’s salty abt being proven wrong too lmao. BUT CONTINUING ON. stacker could have just told newt to go to hannibal chau and #he would have done it. but instead they watch the film of him on HERMANNS computer as HERMANN controls the computer to look at the film. if #thé film was shown it was for a reason. newt doesn’t seem like the type to need reassurance abt chau before he goes. he was willing to die #for his trash drift. and stacker gave him the card and info so there’s no need to do anything else. the video is most likely there for the #viewers but it needs a reason to be there in the show. hence my reasoning that HERMANN asked to see it out of concern for newt who would be #doinf this alone. hermann demanded to see some proof to reassure himself. stacker having the card on him makes sense. him having that bulky #tape doesn’t. meaning hermann pressured him into leaving getting the tape and coming back to show him. anyways one more bit. so the drift. #hermann is clearly scared out of his mind and thinking abt the impending triple event. yet he still drifts with newt he does it to protect #him to take part of the neural load. and it takes a toll on hermann it makes a big enough mess of his brain that he ends with him bleeding #and shaking and sweating and coughing and throwing up. and he knew it would take a toll. he knew it would be a lot he’s seen the jaegers. #he’s seen what happens. he knows it will be rough. he knows it’ll be much worse for him who wasn’t drifted then for newt who has. yet he #still does it to help newt and to show his care and trust and concern and love and THEYRE DRIFT COMPATIBLE U DONT UNDERSTANDABLE HOW #EMOTIONAL I AM OVER THIS FUCKING OVER THEM #anyways one last thing. the way that they full body slapping each other on the back bear hugged when the throat collapsed (they were behind #herc and tendo so it was a little hard to see. i missed it the first time) in pure adrenaline happiness before we see the quiet tender hug #when they know everything is over for good (for now at least) when it’s time to celebrate when it time to think abt their drift and their #bond and their relationship and their LOVE. i’m so ok abt them rn actually #toad.txt #i wish i wrote this in a keep reading bit and not the tags now. anyways #pacific rim #pacific rim spoilers #newton geiszler #hermann gottlieb #newmann

[euyrdice]

i don’t think the opinion that rei and shigaraki’s mom played a role and have some responsibility in their children’s abuse and trauma is wrong. i think its hard to understand if you haven’t been the child/been in a similar position to dabi, shoto ect

#its so strange seeing the todoroki family dynamics; bc i get it SO much #like u dont blame your mom. u do for a second; when ur angry; when ur still living it. u ask why she didnt protect u. #but those thoughts are completely overwhelmed by your love for her; your misplaced guilt that you couldn’t save her; #and your anger at the actual abuser #when i see fictional parents fail their children; even if they were vicitms; i still get terribly angry for the children #bc i get it… that thought shigaraki had… why didnt you do anything.. i know you we’re struggling but i was your child #but also bc i know those feelings so well i also know that ill always reach my mom w endless empathy #almost too much; to the point where im carrying the blame and forgetting shes an adult #but anywho i think i get frusterated w fictional parents; even rei; because kids can do nothing. when ur a kid u have absolutely no power #and if the adults dont help you; no one will #and when they dont; it fucks you up for the rest of your life; and you spend a long time trying to heal from it #and you were a child; you couldnt do anything. the adults could. but they didn’t #so i do think some blame for dabi and shotos trauma goes to rei #i do think some blame goes to my mom #but like shoto… i forget all of that; and i just want to protect and love my mom more than anything in the world #it doesnt matter; you just love your mom and your heart breaks for her and u want her to be safe and happy #and rei is a victim ofc #i think its the part of me that lived similarly to dabi/shoto that always feels v protective of children who were victims of abuse #and finds it important to recognize the areas where these parents failed their kids #and where rei failed dabi and shoto especially; and the ways the blame is hers as well #also i am NOT an enji fan i do not like or care ab him at all #this is not an enji defense/support or rei was as a bad as enji post or whatver

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is #all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much #because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions #mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect #and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it #it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter #but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but #mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read #cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about #how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron #separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward #the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not #allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i #talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand #so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday #and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having #a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself #sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like #reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for. #the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it #doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of #ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put #myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing #unrelated

[jellyfishjunkie]

very sad 90% (not all) of my relationships (friendship and otherwise) is reliant on just me making the first moves, whether it be texting first or even starting and maintaining conversations when we r in person. it's kinda so depressing and exhausting.

#hush jelly #vent #idk is it too much to wanna feel wanted #and if i mention it change only happens for a short time #then it just goes back to the way it was #n people always say they just dont want to feel rejected #and its like.... #someone isnt always gna wanna talk to u/hnag out etc. #but why should that stop u from trying #idk??? like i know people dont always wanna talk!!!! i still reach out #i still send them silly posts #i still text to check up #or talk to try and start conversation #its not always gna work #and what #just cause i didnt feel like talking once #suddenly youll never intiate again #suddenly its just not worth the effort to reach out and recieve nothing ? #like do u even really care if u dont at least try? #i still check up on people i havent heard from in months #i know its hard sometimes to respond to people #but its always worth the effort for someone u care about #and is it really so much to ask that they extend you the same courtesy #i can think of only two people in my life who do this for me excluding family #thats depressing #and its exhausting for me #my own partner wont text me first #like girl.... #i knoe u wanna talk to me #you have said it before

[fiendishartist2]

guys what if i want to make my own apollo justice game.

#i need to write a prequel to aa4 pls pls pls pls pls #okay get this: so phoenix isnt disbarred yet and he doesnt have trucy. hes still taking and winning cases #one day he gets a call from edgeworth and hes all like ''wright i need your assistance'' and hes like what for and edgeworth goes #''ive been given the most ridiculous case and i think youre the only man in law who can take care of it'' #so phoenix bikes his ass to the detention center and boom. child behind bars #and phoenix is like ??? hey kid what are doing here. and this kid is the most surly mfer on the planet like you couldnt get- #-a word out of him if you tried. hes kinda giving phoenix the stink eye too but hes just the littlest guy on earth #and phoenix feels bad for him so he tries to get a rundown of the case (maybe edgeworth gave him an autopsy report or smth beforehand) #but get this. the kid still wont speak. he hasnt even moved a muscle. and after some prodding you find out this little dude- #-doesnt speak english (i dont love aa6 but i think apollos tragic backstory can be interesting so we're going w that but taking it seriousl #anyways so maya is like omg this kid is speaking khurainese but hers is kinda broken bc shes not from the mainland and only knows it- #-from like prayers #so you only get bits and pieces of the kids testimony. plus he still doesnt wanna talk bc ''dhurk told me not to talk to you'' #so you start following the new lead but you ask too many questions and apollos like oh shit i said too much and wont talk to you anymore #but now you have two leads: khur'ain and a man named ''dhurk'' plus the fact that this is kid might be new to america since- #-he cant speak english but is smack dab in the middle of california. its all v curious and phoenix wants to get to the bottom of it #for the rest of the case i feel like it would go in the direction of ''we dont know exactly whats up w this dhurk guy or where this kid- #-came from but we do get him acquitted and phoenix is able to save him from the dark path he was heading towards'' thus steering apollo- #-in the direction of law and giving him a wayyyy better reason than aa6 gave him <3 #i kind of like the interlinked nature of ace attorney's storytelling. like everything leads into smth else and everyone is impacted- #-by another person before they even become properly entangled w each other's lives #like how mia faced dahlia years before she met phoenix but dahlia was the one to connect them #or how trucy gave phoenix the diary paper but she's also the one who ropes apollo into the waa. even before they know they're siblings #or how lamoire left apollo and trucy as children and when they reunite as adults they cant recognise each other but they all find each- #-other anyways #i could go on but i think this could be cool yknow esp bc i think the most interesting thing about apollo's aa6 backstory is his life- #-post dhurk. like where did he stay? was he a foster kid? was he put into the system? how did that affect him? what kind of ppl took him in #i just wanna know how that whole thing would have effected him bc like when yiu think about it how did he even get to america?? his dad's #-considered a terrorist. idk man i think its interesting and apollo and dhurks interactions are one of the only good parts of aa6

[grapecaseschoices]

It is so funny how Andy is like, lmao. I am so glad this rolled in his favor because in my head I was like he would never fall for this.

Andy is like you may be older than me [he doesn't know yet; well for sure] but I invented this game.

#so it goes without saying he can read and play it better #andy's life and times in faerun #bg3: elkantar yauntyrr #character insight #meet my tavs #insight: bg3 #it is so funny to me that my >[ peeps are the ones who see through it best #tho i dont think the others care? #i think in a sense adair and sekryd aren't unaware but they're more come as you are #sekryd has no deep care for astarion to pry deeper #and adair is already pretty sure he doesn't like xem/just tolerates him so it's like ... and she's also so very Her. so whatever his #approach it doesnt bother xem #but also i think he's used to it from the nobility? so it's a mix of sees through it and doesn't? like adair lowkey clocks it but it doesn' #really ring alarm bells lmao #people have their secrets and it's not his business. while i think for sekryd it's like people have their secrets and HIS [astarion's] not #a concern for her #i think of the lot i play in any active way rn kaeliana - my durge roflmao - might be the only one who falls for it #which is so funny bc she is a liar who lies #anyway im pondering this too much for characters i said i wouldnt ponder so much lmao

[hirokiyuu]

(ripping my hair out by the handful) Sol Is Not Trapped In The Time Loop Sol Is There Because They Choose To Be

#life on earth i am begging you please get life on earth #teenexo stuff #this is my biggest adn pettiest pet peeve but every time a fic is tagged fix it abt either #a) sol leaving the time loop or #b) dys not [redacted] #i start ripping out my hair. please. please. please #the irony is besk lives au actually does hit point b eventually however. however #i dont think its a fix it for him to do it or not do it i think its just a choice he can choose to make #i really do honestly and genuinely believe its fine and morally neutral and not a bad thing #i dont think relationships need to last forever to be deep and meaningful and i think dys staying for sol for so long is already like #a sign of his love and how much he cares for them. like. i think its fine. i genuinely do think its fine that he goes #idk theres a quote from this book i really like thats smth like uhhh #your lover doesnt belong to you they are choosing to lend themself to you every day #and i think abt that w/rt dys/sol a lot its just good u kno #dys stays for sol because he loves them. he leaves because he wants to do that too #and i think the act of him staying bc he loves them is really nice! having the time together they have is nice! #idk i also dont think sol would be able to be like....... With dys long term if they didnt understand/acknowledge this at least a little? #basically. i think there are circumstances where dys wouldn't do it but i dont think those are fix-its lol #ANYWAYS clambers back off my soap box #this wasnt even what i came here to complain about #ok back to packing byeeeeeee #i was a teenage exocolonist spoilers ? #probably somewhere in there im guessing

[nerosdayinanime]

I know I wasn't the person that originally asked about Giyuucore songs but that post caught my interest because you mentioned a lot of songs and some of my favorites👀

I'd really like to hear your thoughts on Gilded Lily! I've seen it taken in a couple different contexts online but idk anyone that listens to it. After Dark is another banger but I never considered thinking of it as Giyuucore. the same thing with Little Dark Age talk about blorbo, think about blorbo :)

also I listened to The Mute and The Missing Road for the tag you left on my one drabble and 😭 i see it so clearly with how so socially awkward little blorbo is

usually i think of my music taste as mainstream but not like. Popular mainstream yk? usually at least, since i started only really using spotify it kinda just Sticks with popular... (i just think the music i listen to its pretty all over the place) anyway-

Gilded Lily got me from the chorus haven't i given enough? giyuu gives his all yet still all the shit that happens to him and the people he loves... with him in mind the lyric reads as more a polite way of asking higher powers 'havent you taken enough from me?' yk?

always the fool with the slowest heart hes always behind his peers and misunderstood, negative feedback loop of hiding further in himself and straying further behind

but i know youll take me with you when he loves he gives a piece of himself, so when they're lost they take a piece of him with them i know ill take you with me the haori he so dearly cares for

we'll live in spaces between walls how ghosts are respected as existing in a third place, the border between life and death- how giyuu does something similar, as close as a ghost you can get without death- hes treats himself the same as the ghosts that haunt him

last lyric for gilded lily is manga spoliers and iirc youre an anime-only, so ill keep that one under wraps lmao

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After Dark is all dreams and broken memories, the echo-y voice and faraway sound of the piano all tinged with melancholy (probably shoulda put it with the sabigiyuu playlist lmao)

i see you, you see me - how pleasant, this feeling - the moment you hold me - i missed you, im sorry - ive given what I have - i showed you I'm growing - the ashes fall slowly - as your voice consoles me only alive in his dreams, the reprieve of being in sabito's arms hurts from its fleeting nature. his chance at trying to right his wrongs of being too weak, a demon's dying ashes as proof, sabito's voice (a faded memory of, distorted with unfamiliarity) telling him he doesnt need to prove himself of anything

as the hours pass - i will let you know - that i need to ask - before I'm alone - how it feels to rest - on your patient lips  - to eternal bliss - im so glad to know the false feeling of lips against his, only as good as a dream gets. (he knows it isnt real, it doesnt feel real, its heaven nonetheless) a kiss that never happened, never will happen, hes just happy to have known him at all (even if the memories are so painful)

we're swaying to drum beats - in motion, im feeling - my patience controlling - the question, i wont speak two hearts in sync as their sword swings, giyuu always holds his tounge until the perfect moment (a perfect moment doesnt exist)

we're telling the stories - our laughter, he knows me - we're leaving, we're talking - youre closer, it's calming reliving faded memories- happy times and the march to their shared grave. the impeding dread of Knowing simmers to an empty lull when their hands brush as they walk

the night will hold us close and the stars will guide us home - ive been waiting for this moment, we're finally alone - i turn to ask the question, so anxious, my thoughts a calm rest with another painful dream of a man that doesnt exist

your lips were soft like winter, in your passion, i was lost their lips meet, painfully cold and oh so dead against his, only for a moment. he opens his eyes to the crystal clear memory of the determined fire behind rounded eyes before he turned. white haori disappearing to the forest, vision blurred, red trailed down his face, what was he supposed to do now?

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Little Dark Age is super gloomy and sorta like. corrupted church vibes. idk how to explain that. the tone of voice singing keeping the note flat (except in the chorus) the background music echoing itself it just overall reminds me of devilman crybaby's corrupted demonic vibe. Smells Blood(kensuke ushio). dvmcb has a more Taken And Run By Evil/Satan kinda vibe whereas little dark age is more God Left Us

the lyrics are a narration, his own thoughts and feelings he never speaks aloud but says if you listen close enough.

the ruins of the day, painted with a scar dont need to explain that one

and, the more i straighten out, the less it wants to try the amount of willpower it takes him to just keep going

oh-oh, forgiving who you are, for what you stand to gain - just know that if you hide, it doesnt go away/i grieve in stereo, the stereo sounds strange - you know that if it hides, it doesn't go away self-narration, how much he still hurts despite hardening his heart against it all

when you get out of bed, dont end up stranded - horrified. with each stone. on the stage - my little dark age stranded in the stagelight, stone upon stone tied to him always weighing him down

specifically ties with the other lyric- come find us heading for the bridge, bring a stone, all the rage, my little dark age he thinks he deserves it, peoples hatred and anger at his failure, he ties the stones himself

if I get out of bed, you'll see me standing all alone, horrified, on the stage, my little dark age all of this song ties specifically to this one imagery i have of sabito and giyuu and hashira overall- theyre the ones that bare the light that destroys demons. with their strength they cast shadows for other slayers and innocent people to hide behind, still safely in the light but not being burned by it as they are.

Giyuu and Sabito were supposed to bare that light together, strengthened by eachother casting shadows where the other's weakest and baring the burn with eachother side by side, they were supposed to cast a shadow large enough to shield everyone they cared for, to not lose everyone they love again.

this line was the start of it all- waking up alone on the stage being wholly burned by the light with no respite. the blinding light instead signaling his little dark age

also yeah!!! the self-isolating, lonely theme of those songs is literally just Him. it speaks for itself so clearly i dont even know how i could explain it to someone who knows giyuu but doesnt understand how The Mute & The Missing Road relate to him. its just. Its Him man. you gotta believe me. if you only listen with your ears, i cant get in - and a heart always holds, onto missing roads MAN CMON ITS RIGHT THERE-

#tomioka giyuu #loserboy giyuu posting #fratboy sabito posting #i think giyuu in regards to sabito puts him on a pedestal. worships him as a god and says he'll never compare to. devoted to a fault. #also i dont like how much i Dont think of tsutako w these songs bc she was literally The Start of it. she was his everything and she gave #her all for his wellbeing and it just set him to believe he didnt fucking deserve it. his life shouldnt have costed *hers* in his #eyes and that shaped his attitude towards himself for the rest of his life #also just now realizing i have Slow Doown(crx) in giyuucore and Hurry Hurry(air traffic controller) in sabitocore #BRO ITS FUCKING- #dude #'ooh im gonna miss something - if i keep bumping - the most significant stuff #all my friends and all the loose ends - and this love of mine- cause im running out of time' #'who am i? am i still the same guy? or have i lost something as i keep stomping #mind and health - every bit of myself - i ignore the signs as im running out of time' #'a year goes by - you wonder why - not much is done - youve run too much - in parallel - now hurry hurry is your hell' #vs #'when i see you speeding by - all i do is wave goodbye - i wish i could buy some time - enough to get it right #oh slow down - slow down - slow down - oh slow down - slow down - slow down' #the juxtaposition #sabito needing to do as much as he possibly can with the people he cares about to feel like they did enough together #giyuu needing the people he cares about to slow down and just savor & bask in the time they have together #both of them feeling like the time they share with others are limited- yet going about it in completely different ways #both wanting to be able to do something about it- but sabito pushing himself to do it all to the point it kills him while giyuu #pushes himself but never truly believes it'll amount to anything worthwhile #-------nsfw further tags------- #also find it exceedingly amusing that it fits my giyuu overstim kink & sabito denial kink hc<3 #sabito's great at keeping it going while giyuu knows how to drag it out~ theyr perfect 4 eachother<3<3 #man im *really* bad at not making everything about sabigiyuu lmao

[heyitslapis]

It's been almost four months, & still I grieve us every day

#i cant keep pretending that nothings wrong or nothings changed.. #me & my love broke up almost 4 months ago #some days i do ok. i have enough distractions that it doesnt affect me. other days its too much #life goes on. it has to. but it hurts so much to pull myself through. to make myself take care of myself #i dont want things to change. i dont want to have to get on with my life. i want to just lay here in a glass bubble. suspended in time #at least i got to experience love for 3 years. but the unfortunate thing about life is that things do change #it would be easier if i didnt love her anymore. easier if we fought all the time & grew to despise each other & werent compatible #but thats not the case which just makes it all so much harder & makes it hurt so much more i think #ive put off venting here for the longest time bc she follows me. i didnt want her to see & i didnt want her to feel guilty #we talked. we agreed. we decided. its my bed to lay in now & how i feel isnt anyones responsibility but my own #im so scared to get on with my life. scared I'll be ok. scared there will be a day that i dont miss her anymore. #scared that one day my chest will no longer ache when i think of her/us. scared that she just becomes another memory. #scared that the years together were just more years that are now behind me & will one day have no relevance #im sorry i cant keep it together any longer. its so overwhelming. so consuming. so repressed #mi vida. i will always appreciate what we had. i will always yearn for the lost years. but i will keep going #emma vents #sadboi hours #sad stuff

[muirneach]

okay well i practiced guitar and i have not played in like two or three months but it was very nice and fun i just sat and sang my silly folk songs while reading off of ultimate guitar tabs. anyways if you’ve never been to toronto for labour day weekend there’s this event called the airshow where they get the fucking military jets and do tricks or whatever. which is fine i guess except they fly directly over my house and are loud as hell. and this will happen until monday kill me now. anyways so it was interesting singing phil ochs with that going on. but it got too loud so i stopped. nonetheless i’m still able to play guitar 👍

#phil was right cant be singing louder than the guns when im gone 🙄 #i havent played guitar because well i Dont Want To #i don’t particularly care for it but i do it cause i enjoy going to lessons cause um. i dont get out much #and since lessons are starting back up i figured i should probably practice #also i dont do it because i feel im not particularly good at it :/ #ive been doing it four or five years like i have all the technical stuff down really well #you give me tabs and i can play it without having heard it before #but. i cannot memorize to save my life (so there goes any dreams of performing. not that i had any) #and also it just? doesnt sound very good??? #and like no its not because i dont practice enough even when i played multiple times a week it just. doesnt sound too nice #oh well! i never did it to make anything of it anyways so its okay #i just feel a little sad about that. like i wish i could’ve memorized songs and always had something in my back pocket to play for people #but i dont. sad. but theres other hobbies #guitar #anyways enough of that lets all join in our hatred for the airshow #i hate you loud as hell jets and massive pollution #not to mention. our large refugee population. like aight lets bring the snowbirds in surely that’s fine #ugh. anyways im gonna go draw or something