#no points if you guess correctly because it's fucking easy

[butchdonne]

(consumed with lust voice) omg what a fucking weirdo

#guys i swear im normal #anyways. guess who this is about :D #no points if you guess correctly because it's fucking easy #pip squeaks #bat out of hell

[raveartts]

*person posts art in an art focused channel on an art focused server*

me: oh fuck you how dare you post your art here, are you trying to show me up (I haven't posted anything in the last 3 years) how about you stop showing off you're just posting here for attention I literally hate you for this, if you have nice art you should just keep it to yourself instead of making everyone else feel bad why don't you just die and let someone else (me) have the spotlight. I'm killing and biting you right now how dare you

#YouTube is really out here recommending a video to me that was like #'oh if you're struggling with your art just go with the flow feel free to make something bad *drawing something gorgeous and perfect*' #like shut up do you WANT me to be in a bad mood #fuck you how about I just draw NOTHING and QUIT FOREVER IF I CAN'T DRAW PERFECTLY #if I can't do something perfectly than what's the goddamn point in doing it #I'm not crappy enough to be pitied for it #and I'm not good enough to be adored #damn I really thought 'oh I have free time today I could draw something since I've been too busy to lately' #but I guess those plans are going out the fucking window #... and just a moment ago #I remembered that it's supposedly very very easy to get attention on TikTok with little effort #and (horrifyingly) I spent a good few minutes hovering over the download button. prepared to start my TikTok art career #but I'd probably quit in a fit of rage when I don't know how to play to the algorithm and nobody cares about my stupid cutthroat fanart #......... #wow is it apparently very easy for me to just spiral the second someone doesn't love me correctly #like the Parents Didn't Fully Approve Of Something I Liked #to I Should Just Quit Drawing Forever Because Nobody Could Ever Love Me Without Pretending #is a very weird pipeline and I have no idea how these things correlate but somehow they do #.. I should go do something else before I get too deep into this #rave ramblees #vent

[thetriumphantpanda]

you, her, me | joel & tommy miller

Summary | It was never going to be as easy as getting pregnant on the first try. Tommy is away, working on some project out of town, when your next ovulation test tells you it's time to go. You resign yourself to another month without what you want the most, until Tommy suggests distance needn't change your plans.

Warnings | Y'all. You know what this is. Alcohol consumption, Girlfriend sharing, breeding kink, fingering (F), oral sex (F receiving), unprotected PiV sex, Tommy yet again getting cucked (but softly), phone sex, praise kink, Joel just being a fucking stud and a dirty talking menace once again. No use of Y/N, no outbreak AU.

Word Count | 3.8k

Authors Note | Well. Part one blew up, and it was never going to take first time around was it? Thank you for all the love on this first time around. Hope you enjoy this one just as much. If you like this, please consider reblogging, commenting or popping into my ask box with some love!

Part One | Main Masterlist

It’s not like you hadn’t expected it, but that single line on the pregnancy test still annoyed you. You’d done everything right, waited until the perfect possible time to let Joel fuck you and it still hadn’t taken. Tommy had been incredibly understanding, squeezing your arm and resigning both of you to the fact you’d just have to try again. Not that it would be a terrible thing to have to try again. Joel had been…. Well, Joel had been incredible, and if it were going to feel like that every time you had to try then you surely wouldn’t complain, especially if you could have Tommy’s eyes on you the whole time. 

That’s why, when you take the ovulation test the next month, and that smiling face is looking up at you, your stomach drops, because Tommy isn’t here. He’s gone for the whole week, working on some project out of town so Joel could stay with Sarah. You resign yourself to another month with an empty womb, throwing the test in the bin with fury. 

Tommy phones you that night, fills you in on his day on the jobsite, tells you exactly what he had for dinner, exactly what was on the TV, before he picks up something isn’t quite right on the other end of the phone. 

“What’s wrong, sugar?” His warm voice soothes down the phone pressed to your ear. 

“Nothing is wrong,” Your tone dismissive yet defensive, all at the same time, you sigh, this man knows you more intimately than anyone else, he knows something is wrong, “I took one of those stupid tests and it says it’s time to try again, guess I’m just frustrated that this is another month wasted.” 

He chuckles on the other end of the phone, “It doesn’t need to be wasted.” 

“But you aren’t here.” You point out. 

“Do I have to be?” You’re silent in response, “I don’t physically need to be there to keep an eye on things,” You can almost hear the smirk in his voice, “Or an ear.” 

The coffee you’re drinking splutters from your mouth as you cough, understanding exactly what Tommy is insinuating, “You want me to phone you?” You ask, making sure you’re understanding correctly, “Phone you whilst Joel fucks me?” 

“I sure do, sugar.” 

“And you’re cool with us being here alone?” 

“Shouldn’t I be?” He asks, “Like I said the first time, it doesn’t mean anything, I know he ain’t gonna try anythin’ stupid, so I don’t see why you shouldn’t be able to take what you want from him.” 

“Okay,” You relent after a few moments, “I’ll call him tomorrow, it’s getting late.” 

“Alright sugar,” Tommy replies, “Sleep tight and I’ll speak to you tomorrow.” 

You don’t know why, but it takes hours for you to build up enough courage to phone Joel. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to wait this month out, wait for Tommy so he could be here. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust Joel, far from it, but there was something about knowing the love of your life was in the room whilst his brother tried to get you pregnant that put you as at ease with the situation as you could be. 

You’ve spoken to Joel countless times on the phone, but in order to even dial his number, it takes nearly 24 hours and a glass of wine. When you hold the phone to your ear, you almost hang up, but you leave it too long because Joel’s sweet Southern drawl is greeting you. 

“You alright, sweetheart?” 

“Oh yeah, I’m fine,” You reply, “How are you?” You curse yourself, inwardly cringing at how unsure you sound. 

“Yeah, m’all good over here,” He responds, “You need somethin’?” 

“Well, actually yeah, I do,” You rub at the back of your neck, “I um… I did one of those tests and it says I’m good to go, to like, try again, so yeah, this is me phoning to say that and make a really fucking terrible job of asking if you’d help again.” 

You hear him chuckle on the other end of the phone, “Sarah’s at a sleepover tonight, I can be with you in an hour?” 

“Okay, yeah, that sounds good, I’ll see you in a while.” 

“See you soon, pretty girl.” 

Pretty girl? Fucking hell. Joel had always been a flirt, smiles and smirks and little nicknames, but he’d never once crossed the line with you. Knew you had eyes for his little brother, would never get in the way of that. He’d never crossed that line until you’d invited him, point blank to do so. You had to remind yourself that he was only doing you a favour. A really massive, incredibly fucked up favour, but a favour none-the-less, and once that had been achieved that was it. He’d just go back to basically being your brother-in-law, wouldn’t he? 

An hour later, you’d swapped the wine for a glass of whiskey, just like the first time. There’s a tentative knock at the door, which has you downing the last of the liquid before you open the door for Joel. He’s similarly dressed as last time, dark jeans and a flannel shirt open over a dark t-shirt. He’d obviously showered before coming over, hair mostly dry apart from the very ends of his curls. These damn Miller brother’s won the gene jackpot because in the setting sun, Joel is fucking beautiful. 

He leans down, pulling you into a hug, “Evenin’, darlin’,” He whispers into your ear before letting you go, “You gonna invite me in?” He asks, when you don’t move to let him in. 

“Oh, yeah, sorry!” You exclaim, stepping back, “Come on in.” 

When you close the door behind him and turn around, you can feel the tension in the air. He’s wandering aimlessly through the open living space, standing with his hands in his pockets. It’s weird. You can feel the butterflies settling into your tummy already. 

“You know, you don’t need to make me feel good, right?” You muse, stepping from foot to foot by the door, “You can just fuck me and leave.” 

His head drops as he snorts through his nose, “Darlin’, I can’t in good conscience let you conceive a child if you don’t come at least twice.” 

“But….” 

Joel interrupts, “Answer me this, pretty girl,” He growls, “If I were Tommy right now, how many would he give you?” 

You think for a moment, “Probably three,” You shrug, “Once with his fingers, once with his mouth, then he’d make me come on his cock.” 

He smirks, knowing you’ve proven his point, “Well then, get that pretty ass over here and let me make you feel good.” 

He’s holding out a hand for you, coaxing you to come towards him, which you take gladly, suddenly feeling like you’re in some weird form of trance. He takes your hand in his, leads to you the couch and sits down. You’re standing in front of him, his face level with your tummy. He takes those wide palms and drags them up the backs of your legs, under the material of your dress to settle on the supple skin of your ass. 

“I gotta call Tommy,” You speak quietly, “Wanted to listen in.” 

“You can call him in a minute,” Joel’s voice is commanding as he kisses your tummy through the material of your dress, “Let me give you one first, get you nice and relaxed, yeah?” 

Joel puts his palms on your hips and turns you around, puts his fingers into the waistband of your underwear and drags them down your legs. When they pool at your feet, you step out of them, Joel’s hands keeping you balanced before he’s pulling you down onto his lap. He’s got his legs closed together, yours straddling either side of his. One of his hands is pressed on your tummy, pulling you flush back into him, the other is already snaking between your thighs, held open by his legs in the middle. 

You take a deep breath, and let yourself sink into his body, broad chest acting as a weighted comfort. His lips start to trail hot kisses down the side of your neck and onto your shoulder as he runs his fingers down the seam of your pussy. Joel’s fingers dip just below, and you hear him gasp and then chuckle when you’re already wet. 

“Pretty girl,” He coos into your ear, “You been thinkin’ about me? Thinkin’ about how good I made you feel last time?” 

You don’t reply, just tip your head back to rest on Joel’s shoulder, sighing in pleasure as he drags his fingers through the folds of your pussy, fingers brushing ever so gently across your clit, “So fuckin’ wet for me, darlin’,” He groans, letting his fingers dip back down, “So wet, so easy for me to do this.” 

He slips two fingers inside your pussy with ease, immediately hooking them in just the right way that has you keening, hips bucking in time with his slow thrusts. The hand he had on your tummy is moving downwards now too, dragging slowly across your mound until he’s got his middle finger touching your clit, two fingers still buried inside you. 

“Joel – fuck – Oh God.” You moan, his fingers applying more pressure to your clit now, setting your skin aflame. 

“You like that, huh?” His lips are still trailing hot kisses along the skin of your neck and shoulders, “Can feel that pretty pussy clenchin’ around my fingers already,” You can feel his smirk on your skin, “Gonna be so easy to finish you off, pretty girl.” 

He proves his point in minutes. His fingers begin speeding up, thrusting into your aching heat, curling just right to his that spot inside you, whilst his finger doesn’t let up with its tight circles across your clit. 

“I’m gonna – fuck Joel, I’m gonna come.” 

“That’s it baby girl,” His voice is low and you can feel his solid cock under your ass already, “Let go for me.” 

You do just that. Thighs shaking, Joel’s name falling from your mouth as your first orgasm slams right into you. He’s pulled his fingers from your pussy, walls clenching around nothing, but his fingers are still tracing those gentle movements along your clit, working you through the aftershocks. Once he’s sure he’s milked you for every second of your orgasm, he presses a chaste kiss to your cheek. 

“Up you get.” He taps his hand on your thigh, helping you to stand. 

He switches your places, you sit on the couch, legs spread with your wet cunt on display, him dropping to his knees in front of you, hooking your legs over his shoulders. You’ve barely had time to catch your breath before his mouth presses a soft kiss to your clit that has an obscene moan dropping from your lips. 

“Phone him,” Joel murmurs against your skin, motioning to your mobile phone on the side table, “Bet he’d love listening to you gettin’ your pussy ate.” 

You push yourself up just far enough to be able to grab your phone, fumbling with the keys as Joel continues to press teasing kisses along the skin of your thighs. You hit dial on Tommy’s number, listening as it rings three times before he picks up. 

“Hey sugar.” He greets. 

Joel can obviously hear his brother’s voice, because he chooses this moment to take his tongue and lick a wide stripe up your sex with the flat of his tongue, dipping between your folds to flick your clit. 

“Hey baby,” You reply, looking down at Joel’s face between your legs, “Your brother is here.” 

“That so?” You can hear him shuffling about on the other end, “You wanna tell me what he’s doin’?” 

Joel uses one of his big hands to spread your pussy open for him, taking his tongue all the way down to your weeping core, where he literally drinks from you, lapping up your slick like he’s gone forty days and forty nights without water. 

“He’s got his face between my legs Tommy,” You groan, “Eating my pussy so fucking well for me.” 

“Let me hear you, sugar,” Tommy coaxes, “He makin’ you feel good?” 

Joel’s tongue works its way up your pussy, tracing circles over your sensitive clit with the tip of his tongue. You let out an obscene moan down the phone, hips moving towards Joel’s face to chase more. You need more. You want more. His mouth needs to be closer to you. 

“So good baby,” You moan, free hand tangling in Joel’s hair, as he focuses all the attention of his tongue to your clit, “He’s going to make me come.” 

“Go on baby,” Tommy speaks, you can hear the clinking of his belt in the distance, and you know exactly what he’s going, “Let go for him.” 

Joel doesn’t even have to add his fingers to the equation this time. He wraps those perfect lips around your clit and sucks, tongue still flicking desperately over the sensitive bud, and you’re gone. Body arching off the couch, thighs clasped around his face as you cry out. You can hear Tommy on the other end of the phone chuckling, coaxing you through it, telling you what a good girl you’ve been. 

Joel finishes between your thighs with a final kiss to your clit before he’s pushing himself up off the floor. You’re taking deep breathes, pulling the phone from your ear to put Tommy on speaker phone, setting the phone back down on the side table while you stand, shedding your dress to leave you completely naked in front of Joel. He eyes you as he takes off his own clothes, letting out a low whistle, turning his head to the phone. 

“Fuckin’ hell brother,” He comments, letting a low whistle out, “You’re a lucky son of a bitch, getting to see her naked like this every day.” 

The tinny reverb of Tommy’s voice barking a laugh down the phone makes you smile. The way these two men have opened up and worshipped you, both in their own ways, but worship none the less, makes you feel like a goddess. Makes you swell with pride. You watch intently as Joel sheds the last of his clothes, letting your eyes drag over every inch of skin he reveals to you as each second passes. Then, once he’s as naked as you are, cock sprung to attention, he sits himself back down on the couch, guiding you to straddle his hips. 

“Gonna take what you want from me, pretty girl?” Joel asks, looking up at you with those big brown eyes, his big hands are guiding your hips, head of his cock nudging through the wetness of your slick cunt to push ever so slightly inside you. 

You let yourself sink fully down onto him, throwing your head back as that feeling off fullness you remember from last time. Joel drags his hands up your body, resting both on your ribcage, head coming forward to capture one of your tits in his mouth, sucking a nipple into his mouth to shower attention to it with his tongue. 

You grind your hips into his own, reveling in the way his palms squeeze your sides, teeth sinking into the skin of your breast. You settle your arms around Joel’s neck, one hand tangling in the curls at the nape of his neck as you lean back a little, hips grinding into his. The angle has you grinding your clit into his skin in just the right way. 

“Fuck,” He hisses, pulling himself away from you, “You’re gonna come again, aren’t you?” He teases, “I can feel that cunt clenching my cock baby.” 

You can hear Tommy groan on the phone, “Sugar, you’re so easy to please.” He speaks out from the side table. 

Joel’s hands grip your hips, guiding you to keep grinding on his cock like you are. It’s overwhelming, there is no other thought in your mind right now other than chasing the next high you can feel building in your lower body. Focused on nothing but grinding your body into Joel’s solid presence underneath you. Focused on listening to Tommy continuously praise you for being a perfect girl for them both. 

“Tommy, fuck-” Joel breathes out, “I wish you could see her right now; she looks so fuckin’ good bouncing on my cock.” 

“Brother, I get to see her like this all the time,” He groans, “You enjoy her for yourself right now.” 

“Joel- please…” You beg, orgasm so close you could reach out and touch it, “I’m so fucking close.” 

“Go on, pretty girl,” Hands on your ass to continue the guiding of your movements, “I know you can do it for me.” 

And he’s right. He’s always fucking right. You grind yourself into him a few more times before white spots burst into your vision, and you feel yourself let go in a way you’ve never known before. Slick dripping down Joel’s cock, a literally scream on your lips as he pulls your body to his, finally slamming his cock into your tight cunt in earnest. 

“There’s three, baby girl.” He whispers into your ear, just for you to hear. His brother doesn’t need to know he’s issued himself a personal challenge to make you come more than he does. That’s just for the two of you to know. 

Your forehead is rested on his, cock stilled inside you to give you a moment to gather yourself. When you look into his eyes there’s something in those brown orbs, something daring you to lean forward. Press your lips to his own and let him devour you entirely. Let him have every piece of you. You almost do it, then you hear Tommy moan on the other end of the phone, breaking the spell between you and Joel. 

Something snaps behind his eyes. He gathers you, flipping you over until he has your legs hooked around his elbows, pussy spread for him, bent almost in half before he slams his thick cock into you, setting a bruising pace that has your breath hitching in your throat. It’s so hard and intense that tears are gathering in the corners of your eyes. The sounds of Joel’s skin slapping against you and his groans, your high-pitched whines drown out any noise that Tommy might be making over the phone. 

“Don’t worry,” Joel manages to breath out, seeing the tears dripping down your face, “Gonna give you what you need, hot mama.” 

“Please,” You beg, the sound hitting your own ears, weak and pathetic and truly at this man’s mercy, “Fill me up Joel, fuck a baby into me.” 

“Touch yourself,” He demands, “You got one more for me, I know you do, pretty girl.” 

It takes all your strength to do as he asks, fingers seeking out your clit. The touch you place to it is blurring the line between pleasure and pain, but when Joel is looking down at you like he is now, watching his cock split you in half, watching your face as you moan, touching yourself, you resign yourself to keep going, chase one more high with him. 

He drops one of your legs from its place hooked around his elbow, big hand coming to rest over your tummy, “Fuck Tommy,” He calls out, clearly only moments away from coming deep inside you, his fingers stroking the soft skin as his eyes train on your belly, “She’s gonna look so good when I finally knock her up for you, all swollen and perfect.” 

It’s the image that finishes you off this time. You close your eyes tight, pulling your hand from your clit as soon as you’re arching up into Joel, calling his name into the dark of the room, hands gripping at his biceps, nails forming perfect half-moons in his skin.  

“Good girl,” Joel praises, “Gonna fill you up now baby, you ready for me?” 

“Give it to me,” you demand, hands flying to grip the cheeks of his ass, bringing him in closer to you, “Joel please.” 

You don’t need to ask twice. Joel stills inside your spent cunt and you can feel his cock throbbing inside you, coating your walls with his seed. He rests his head on your chest, pulling in as much breath as he can, before he’s groaning, pulling himself out of you. He leans over and picks up the phone, taking it off speaker to hand it to you, then he disappears to the kitchen. 

“You okay, sugar?” Tommy asks, voice soft at the other end of the phone. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” You mumble, closing your spread legs and bringing them up to your chest, trying to keep as much of Joel’s cum inside you as possible, “Tired.” 

“Did so good for us again, didn’t you?” You smile, responding with a quiet ‘mmm hmm’, “Yeah that’s right, so good for me sugar,” He clears his throat on the other end of the phone, “You make sure Joel gets you to bed alright?” Another response that’s just a noise from you, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

You mumble a goodbye and hang up the phone, just in time for Joel to appear with a glass of water. He sits on the edge of the couch, helping you to sit up so you can take big gulps of the liquid. One of his hands is settled on your thigh, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. 

“Y’alright?” He asks. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” You smile, “Tommy says you have to put me to bed.” 

Joel chuckles, “Course he did,” He stands, taking the almost empty glass from your hand before he slips one arm under your knees, the other across the small of your back, lifting you easily from the couch, “Come on then.” 

He walks you up the stairs and into your bedroom. You’re warm and pliant and you smile as he pulls the duvet up and over you, settling you into bed with a soft kiss pressed to your forehead, “I’ll see you in the morning, pretty girl.” He muses as you drift off to sleep. 

Joel lifts himself from the bed when your breathing settles, stopping briefly to look at you from the doorway before he heads back downstairs and dresses himself. He pours himself a glass of Tommy’s finest whiskey, letting his head drop to the back of the couch. He would stay tonight, downstairs, just in case you needed someone. Just in case you woke up and needed someone to soothe you. He didn’t know how Tommy had been last time once he’d gone home but he bets you needed the comfort. Someone to tell you it would be alright, that you’d done the right thing. It takes all his strength not to stand, strip his clothes back off and settle himself in bed behind you, strong arms wrapped around you to keep you safe. Make you feel secure. He would stay here tonight, just in case you needed him. 

#Joel Miller #Joel Miller smut #Tommy Miller #Tommy Miller smut #joel miller fic #the last of us hbo #tlou #the last of us #tlou hbo #Joel Miller fanfic #joel miller fan fiction #pedro pascal #tlou fic #tlou fanfiction #tlou smut #Joel Miller x you #Joel Miller x reader #Joel Miller x female reader #Joel Miller x f!reader #Tommy Miller fic #Tommy Miller fanfic #Tommy Miller fanfiction #Tommy Miller x you #Tommy Miller x reader #Tommy Miller x female reader #Tommy Miller x f!reader

[anjellaufeyson]

The truth lays within jealousy- Bellamy Blake

Warnings: basically just cursing and knife play

Summary: Bellamy's your enemy but things begin to take a turn once you start fighting to push through emotions you feel towards each other.

Bellamy Blake made my blood boil, and I prayed I made him feel the same way. I was best friends with his sister, Octavia. Meaning, I had no choice but to be in the same tent or room as him. The rivalry between Bellamy and I formed when the 100 first came to Earth. We were on dividing sides, he had everyone in his control and made them feel free but that ended dangerously. I was with the group that wanted to help and make sure we survived. 

“Do you always have to disagree with me, Blake?” 

He turned to look my way, his hand resting on the map below our waists laying on a table. “Do you always have to have disagreeable ideas–Kane?” He spit my last name out as if it left a bitter taste. 

I’m just thankful he didn’t call me that other name, the one he knew I so deeply despised. My eyes rolled on instinct, “You’re such a dick, you are aware of that flaw right?” 

He glared my way, “You always keep me aware don’t you, princess?” 

I fucking hated him, “Don’t call me that, Blake.” 

“What will you do if I say it again?” 

My father made me train with guards on the Ark since I was a child, I could easily take Bellamy, and him forgetting that made me always want to remind him. I stabbed my knife into the wood table and as soon as I did Octavia walked in. 

She moved the tent opening away, “What is going on?” 

Bellamy folded his arms making his muscles fight with his shirt. I tried my best to not stare but as much as I loathed this man and wished him nothing but the absolute worst–he was the formation of my desires. And that left lingering resentment. “Your friend is threatening me, O.” 

I unstuck the knife and pointed it at him from the other side of the table as I talked, “He was testing me, Tavia. It’s his favorite pastime,” I said staring harshly at Bellamy. 

“How about you both go train, maybe away from each other? You can work with Murphy and I’m sure you can find someone, Bell.” 

I gave a half smile, “I’m sure every–what’s the number now?” I made it look like I was deep in thought, “Like 50 girls now? Are willing to train with you, you know your way around the 100, Blake.” 

Bellamy gave me dead eyes as his jaw clenched. I struck a nerve. “O, get out.”

Octavia usually hates when Bellamy orders her around just cause he's older than her but she listened without a fight this time. She knew I crossed some form of a line. She mouthed sorry to me and walked out. 

I moved over to him, my knife laying close to his throat. He didn't care, he didn't even bat an eye. He almost smirked at the notion.

“Tell me, princess, was I supposed to pent up everything I was feeling like you do? Tell me, how's that going for you?” 

My eyes widened a bit, “I’m sorry do you want me to just go sleeping around with every dude on this earth because what? I can’t deal with my emotions correctly?” 

He bit his tongue. 

“I guess maybe I should take your advice because I see how greatly it’s been going for you. The known asshole you only go to for a hit and quit it.” 

Bellamy eyed me, “Is this you trying to offer up, princess?” 

My breath was shaky, I scoffed, “Go float yourself.” I stormed out of the tent and went to the only place inside Arkadia where you could blow off steam. The training spot. Bellamy usually overwatches, sometimes with Lincoln so I wouldn’t be surprised if he made his way over here.

Murphy made his way over to me, “Need a partner?” 

I nodded my head and decided to not take my anger out on him–at least not with words. “Yes, but I can’t promise I’ll go easy on you, Murphy.” 

He smiled as he got into his stance, “I didn’t expect you to. I remember seeing you training from time to time with soldiers. I’m going to have to bring my A-game now.” 

I laughed and it made me feel a bit better, say what you want about Murphy–but his sarcasm and wit will always make you laugh. I got into position and Murphy punched towards me and I moved my hand fast enough to push it away and block it. We kept going back and forth, not taking it seriously. 

Soon, as expected Bellamy appeared. He crossed his arms as he analyzed our performances. Suddenly both of us began to take it a bit seriously, but I chose to ignore Bellamy. He knew I was holding back, it showed in Bellamy's face.

“Let me try.”

I ignored him but Murphy stopped fighting, I tried to regain my breath. Murphy was like Bellamy’s sidekick since the beginning, that faded and nobody tried to make an enemy of Bellamy. Like it or not he did run a lot of things we live by. Especially with Clarke gone. 

He got into position and I immediately went to attack. I moved close and elbowed his face causing him to move forward. I went straight for a kick to his bent knee and easily got him down. When getting up his hand stayed on my thigh as he rised up, it was like he was purposefully trying to mess me up. That could be the only reason.

“Damn Bell, maybe she should replace you as a trainer,” Octavia said while spectating. Monty and Jasper laughed. 

Bellamy stood up and hit me immediately in the gut. From the force, I took a couple of steps back, and I cursed under my breath. He shrugged with a grin forming on his lips. When he went to pull another move I grabbed his arm pointed it up, and used my left arm to push down on his arm. I twisted his shoulder and I knew I was causing pain. I had this move done to me and I was in pain for a couple of days. 

For a split second, I heard a groan from him, it almost put a smile on my face. “C’mon Blake, are you even trying? If you lose this–I can only assume where you’re going to go to…or who.” Maybe it was a low blow but he pissed me off before. 

My fist came towards him and he grabbed my arm tightly, almost hard enough to leave a bruise, and flipped me onto the ground. I tried not to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was hanging onto this fight by a thread. I kicked his stomach and he caught my leg and tried to make me fall but I did the one trick that took me years to master–I kicked with enough force off the ground for a second to gain a stance to be able to kick him back. 

Bellamy went to hit me in the face but I got to him first and elbowed him. He spit out blood and turned his head up with a grin as he wiped the blood. He tricked me and by making it seem like he was going for a low attack, I didn’t move up in time to block him and he punched me. My lip began to bleed. 

“Guys, I think you should stop now. You proved you both can fight–now stop,” Octavia warned. 

We ignored her warning and kept going. I was determined to beat him, and I didn’t have a real reason why. Part of me wondered if this was my only source of letting my emotions go, maybe I wasn’t that different from that man that I hated. We are both stubborn, witted, determined, quick-tempered, reckless, and aggressive. 

“One hit and we’re done,” he said. “Better make yours count, princess,” he whispered. The way he made it seem, that nickname was for our ears only. He never said it loud enough for others to hear and I almost preferred it that way. And when he did, he was only focused on me. As if nobody else was on the earth with us. 

My thoughts were distracted and he immediately brought me down. My back hit the ground and I winced in pain, my back arched a bit hoping that would help the pain. Before anyone could help, Bellamy quickly moved to my side. “Are you okay,” he asked almost frantically in a low voice. He sounded genuine.

The gaze I had on him changed, it softened even though I was in pain. I was utterly confused. “What are we doing,” I whispered, his back covering everyone’s view of my lips. At best, they’d hear mumbles. 

“Your solution to letting your emotions out, remember?” He lightly laughed, “Fuck, we’re idiots.” Bellamy brushed his thumb on my bottom lip, “Truce?” 

My brow almost furrowed, “Truce? Does that mean we suddenly don’t hate each other?”

He laughed and began to help me up, “No, definitely not. You’re still the bane of my being.”

I stood up and got my words out fast enough before everyone crowded me to see if I needed Abby, “And you’re still the only person I hate in this world.” 

Bellamy slowly backed away as we kept our eyes on each other, everyone kept asking if I was okay but I didn’t reply. I was too fixated on the man I detested. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” I said while brushing past them. The one person who got horrendously hurt was Bellamy, yet he didn’t complain or stop them from helping me. 

“I’ll help you to, Abby,” I said putting his arm around my shoulder which felt oddly–right. When I looked back to show Octavia I was going to help him, I just saw a group of disbelieving faces. I’d be shocked too, never would I have ever felt pity or thought of helping Bellamy. “I kicked your ass.” 

He laughed as if he didn’t have drops of blood on his shirt, “I’d call it a fair fight.” 

“I’d call it my win.” 

He glanced at my lips then my eyes, we came to a halt. “You want to finish this?” 

I could feel his hand brushing along my neck, “I think we’re probably banned from training together for a bit. Though I think that wasn’t a training session–that was fighting.” 

Bellamy’s gaze dropped, he stared at me, almost desperate as if he was yearning for something he never even got to get ahold of for years. His touch became more apparent, he stared at my lips as he talked. “I’m not talking about in the training spot.” 

My lips parted and suddenly every feeling I had for him disappeared. Only one stayed- the desire I clung to. Instead of going to Abby, Bellamy and I went into his tent.

It was as if both our strengths had been regain, like we were both pushing our limits to be ignoring our pain to mix it with pleasure. Bellamy took his shirt off with such poise and it made me roll my eyes. I started undressing myself also. My eyes lingered on his chest, God, he was so defined. Like a Greek god or a statue made out of generosity.

"My eyes are up here, princess," he said as he pushes me down onto his bed.

I didn't like how much I secretly enjoyed him calling me princess. "You're so full of it, Blake."

He kissed me roughly, as if we didn't have time to spare to be kind to one another. Our hate lingered and I loved it. I winced in pain because of my lip and that caused him to groan into my mouth. He was making it harder and harder for me to not rush this.

I switched spots with Bellamy, God forbid he lets me control one thing. I kissed down his neck being anything but gentle to the parts I knew he was going to have a bruise at tomorrow.

"Fuck," he whispered.

My hands traveled down his chest and before I could do anything he traded spots with me. "Watch yourself princess, if you keep going- I don't think I can stop myself."

"I don't want you to."

Bellamy used his knee to spread apart my legs. He put his hand around my neck and slowly pushed down so I’d be lying flat on my back. I felt my stomach growing butterflies. “I will be anything but gentle with you–” He paused and stared at my lips. “But I think you can take it.”

#bellamy blake x reader #bellamy blake #octavia blake #oneshot #enemies to lovers #bellamy blake imagine #the 100 #the 100 fanfiction #john murphy #bob morley #jealousy #abby griffin #clarke griffin #knife kink #Spotify

[kelly-bands]

summer: beach tennis & ice cream. ( CHLOE KELLY × READER )

one shot!

summary: You and Chloe Kelly are playing beach tennis, but you accidentally almost hit her.

note: i will probably do another summer fic after this one

"Fuck." You swore as you slid your digits on the sweat dripping from your forehead. It was hot as hell, but the natural wind managed to camouflage the heat hitting your body.

You and Chloe were on holiday, where you unanimously chose to spend the rest week in Bournemouth. The blonde decided to stay there on the beach, as it was one of her favorite places. It was late after lunch and the two of you were out on the sands of Bournemouth, having fun together.

The only difference was that Kelly wasn't on your side, but on the other side of the sand court.

Even if you were more worried about the sweat almost running into your eye, the sound of the ball being popped into the air drew your attention. The beach tennis ball barely arrived in your area and you dominated it with the racket, throwing it to the other side.

You were a few points behind the player, you weren't very used to playing beach games and you only started because of Chloe. The ball came back again, and this time you cut it, scoring a point.

" You've learned, finally." You could hear Kelly mocking from afar, but at the same time proud of your effort to learn to play beach tennis with her.

" Oh, don't fucking start. " You snapped. To be honest, the heat and losing were getting on your nerves; and Chloe needling you, was too.

On the other side, the only thing you heard coming out of those gorgeous lips was a stupid but cute laugh. You had no reason to be angry at losing, but at being scattered.

Playing beach tennis against Chloe Kelly boiled down to missing all the domains for spending more time enjoying that amazing fucking body worried about getting dirty with the sand.

Forget about it.

Focus. At. The. Fucking. Game.

The british returned the ball to you, it was your turn to serve. You served, the ball was stronger than the other serves you had done, but Kelly still managed to receive the ball. It quickly returned to your area, you took a few steps and threw her, pulling the racket up hard, going high the other way.

Shit. It will come with everything.

"Wait—!" You shout, surrendering and just watching Chloe jump and slash. The ball came with such force that you barely saw it. Ah, one more point for your girlfriend.

You hate to lose, you are a very competitive person. And that goes for Kelly, too. Both are competitive, you live challenging each other in any situation where there is this possibility (who drives better, who eats more or who scores more goals in the season). However, it was almost impossible to compete at Chloe's level, especially in a game you just learned.

" I thought you said you were going to take it easy on me. " You complained, at the same time reaching for the ball on the floor. Meanwhile, Kelly glared at you, not saying a word about it; just that stupid smirk on her face said it all.

" I thought you said earlier today that you were going to beat me, or rather, in your words, break me. " She returned seconds later, in the most egocentric and dry tone possible. Ah, that was one hell of a stab.

You just watched how stupid she could be when she wanted to be. This time, Chloe won. And anyone would have guessed that within seconds of you picking up that goddamn ball, getting close enough through the net divider, and throwing it with all your might at Kelly.

She managed to piss you off, and she loved seeing that in you.

But what you just did was off the charts.

Chloe defended herself by putting her racket in a shield position from the moment you crossed the court division, hitting the ball at your target. The ball was correctly aimed at the racket and dropped, and a heavy mood arrived on the court.

" Y/N… What the fuck? " The blonde asked, even knowing what answer you would give her. Kelly's brows furrowed, this was not what she was expecting.

" You're pissing me off, damn it." Correcting, you were already completely pissed off about everything. You threw the racket on the floor and sat down right there, stretching your legs and supporting your body with your hands.

Chloe abandoned the racket on the other side, crossed the court dodging the net, ducking. She slowly approached you, a little apprehensive after the whole situation. Kelly sat beside your legs stretched out, specifically facing you, crossing her legs in a butterfly position.

" I'm sorry. " Were the only words that it was possible to hear from the whisper of the blondie.

Chloe loves to piss you off, but she always stopped once you started ignoring her. " I'm going to stop being competitive with you, Y/N. " You could see Kelly's regretful expression in the middle of the words.

Oh, now you've won. You managed to make Chloe Kelly uncomfortable with your irritation.

And when Chloe is bothered, she always gives you the best excuses.

" You don't have to stop your competitive side, I love it. But, please don't be upsetting as a spoiled child. " You stated, accompanied by a playful tone. Kelly just opened a smile in response, going to caress one of your thighs.

Damn. Now you couldn't tell if it was the sand on your body or the player's hand that was tingling your skin. Your eyes moved to the woman's face, watching how this moron could fake such an action in the middle of the crowd. But that gesture ended when you stopped it by forcing your hand in over her fingers.

" I suppose that's not how you're going to earn my forgiveness, Chloe. " Actually, it was, if the two of you were in private. You whispered in grunts, as you were more concentrated preventing a heavy sigh from coming out as a result of her action.

"No? Then there is no other option! " She joked, you could tell by the giggle accompanied by the sentence. Kelly's eyes rolled, she removed her hand from your thighs.

It just clarified how you no longer knew how to differentiate which was the hotness of the moment, summer or Chloe Kelly.

Having lost the game, you wanted to make the british give a nice apology (like a kiss). You stood up, patted the sand stuck to the sweat on your body — which at this point, a few grains fell on Kelly, all this to pretend to leave. Both hands leaned on your waists, looking down at the woman before saying something.

"Good luck trying to get me to dispel that irritation. " It was almost a defiant tone. But deep down all that irritation was gone, to be honest, you didn't even want to be angry from the moment she walked up to you.

Chloe was silent for seconds, as if you were thinking of your best move to counter the challenge, and it made you, honestly, anxious.

Blue eyes lifted upward, trying to reach yours. What the fuck is Chloe Kelly planning?!

" Ice cream? " She asked genuinely.

What? Was that all?

You nodded in agreement, with a bit of indignation. Your head tilted to the side, after all, you expected a different attitude, like, what the fuck was that.

Where the fuck is the apology kiss?

You were positioned a few meters from the court, so you remained there under the umbrella, waiting for your girlfriend to return with the ice creams. Your eyes fell on the marked sand, where you two were sitting earlier. To be honest, you expected a kiss of apologies, like she always does when she pisses you off. In the end, you just were at ease.

" Did you really take it seriously...? " You asked muttering to yourself, while drawing randomly in the sand. A drop of guilt rose in your head after consciously thinking about your previous actions.

" No. " A sweet and gentle voice appeared behind you. It was impossible not to recognize your girlfriend's british accent.

You cracked a little smile after looking up and seeing her figure, Kelly was holding two ice creams, one strawberry and cherry and the other mint and chocolate. She passed by your side and sat there, propped up into you and passing you the mint ice cream. All of a sudden, you weren't even mad at her or whatever had gotten into you.

" They didn't have pineapple flavor, but you like mint too, so I took it. " Chloe spoke with such precision and certainty about the flavors. It was those little details that you loved most about Kelly, how she paid so much attention to the little details about you.

" Thank you. " You said it and left to taste the ice cream, which, by some chance, was the best thing in the world.

" You remembered. " Murmured beside Kelly.

" Hm? What? " She turned to face you, raising one of her eyebrows as she wiped her lips with her napkin.

" Of my two favorite flavors of ice cream. " You rested your head on the player's collarbone, taking more licks of the mint ice cream you held with your left hand, as with your right hand you slowly rested it on Chloe's thigh.

" Oh, that. " She whispered through the teeth of rabbits she had, returning to face the sandy floor.

" Whenever we went out to the ice cream parlors, you would ask for one of these two. " Kelly reminisced about all the times the two of you went out to the ice cream parlors on your days off.

" I'm sorry about before. It wasn't my intention…" You apologized, breaking the very challenge you'd committed yourself to. Your voice was as honest and sweet as an angel's. You lifted your head and turned enough to face your girlfriend. " I'll try to learn without accidentally trying to hit you. "

" You worry too much about this, Y/N. It's not like you're strong enough to hurt me, you know. " Chloe teased the difference in muscle and strength, which was pretty clear. "Forget about it. Finish the ice cream and then we'll start from scratch. " She took another taste of strawberry ice cream, which by some chance seemed to taste really good.

"Okay. Let me try some then." You pointed your eyes at Kelly's ice cream, but also at her lips. She immediately left her hand next to your mouth, waiting for you to satisfy your will.

" Not like that! " You stated, leaving Kelly confused.

sometimes don't forget that, deep down, the blondie is a bit of a slow person.

"Hm?" She raised an eyebrow. You pushed Chloe's hand, which was holding the ice cream, to the side. With free digits, you pulled her face close to yours, holding her cheek.

You glued your lips together with hers.

With the contact, the first thing you felt was the strawberry flavor passing into your mouth, creating a mix of flavors when you find the mint refreshment. You fit the kiss so well that Chloe was carried away by your domain, the lip meat had so many flavors that it was already impossible to describe. You could feel Kelly's bunny teeth nibble on your bottom lip, allowing you to let out a moan between your lips.

Kissing Chloe Kelly was always a new experience, your girlfriend always takes you to new imaginations, as if every time their lips touched, they were a portal to another dimension. And this time, the dimension was unique.

The only things you could feel were the mint and strawberry combo melting on your lips, Kelly's long fingers cupping your chin from the side and the unique sound of the waves crashing against each other. Thus, you were able to experience the strawberry flavor that you craved so much.

All of this was like having moths fluttering in your stomach. Kissing Chloe Kelly is therapy, is synonymous to ravaging bad feelings; and that's what happened.

The kiss was lasting, to the point that when they broke apart, your breathing was as heavy as that of an athlete who ran a hundred meters only once, unlike Chloe, who seemed to be used to it. To be honest, the breath wasn't the only reason to break the kiss; but the ice cream melting between your fingers.

"Oh, shit." You mumbled, running your tongue over your fingers after the mess the ice cream made on your hand. After cleaning up, your eyes landed on Kelly's face as she finished eating her ice cream.

What the fuck Chloe.

That really surprised you. You guys just had a great kiss and all she cared about was the ice cream? She hasn't even said anything yet.

Chloe pulled the napkin that was left over from her own portion and took it to the corners of your lips, wiping them; minty mints. You left, freely, as you stared at her, waiting for some response.

"Did you like it?" Kelly asked after a silence of minutes, still wiping your lips.

" Of what, exactly?" It was an extremely empty question, because after all, you loved everything.

" The strawberry, you asked to try it. " Ah, sure, the genuine Chloe Kelly way. You nodded in agreement as you felt the napkin being finished. " Great, next time we try different flavors. " The british woman crumpled her napkin, and soon got up.

It was all happening so fast that you didn't even understand what Kelly wanted to do. Suddenly, she held her hand out in front of you.

" What...?" You looked up, while with a confused expression, you still managed to admire Chloe's beautiful face.

Internally, Kelly was so looking forward to the kiss that she didn't know exactly what her next actions would be; like a child lost inside a toy store.

The only difference between the two of you was that Chloe Kelly was very good at faking those emotions.

" Let's go. You have to learn to play beach tennis today. " She murmured, opening a sweet smile. "If you beat me, I'll let you taste other flavors in my mouth."

Fuck.

Your heart raced so fast, the unwillingness to play with Chloe was suddenly gone. Her sentence doesn't match the woman Kelly was hours ago, as if now, she was free to say anything. You rested your fingers on your girlfriend's hand to get up.

Now you had reason to compete with Chloe Kelly.

#chloe kelly imagine #chloe kelly x reader #chloe kelly #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso #woso soccer

[cinnamontoastcrunch-15]

The Quiz

I've recently become obsessed with The Dandy Lyon Club, so have this stupid oneshot based on one of their videos

They're just sitting in James and Lily's house, the first time all together in months, when she says it.

Sirius is resting against Remus, Remus' arm around him, with his feet in James' lap. Lily glances away from her conversation with Marlene, catches the sight, and it seems to provoke a question.

"Hey, Sirius?" The three of them turn to her, mostly surprised that she's asking Sirius a question, not Remus. "Who d'you reckon knows you better? James or Remus?"

"Oh, uh..." Sirius considers it carefully for a moment, and Remus watches him with a smile. "You know, I have no clue. What do you guys think?" He glances between his best friend and his boyfriend, but they both shrug.

"I don't think I've ever thought about it," Remus says casually, half expecting that to be the end of it.

"No, wait, I'm curious now," Sirius says with a smile, and Remus can already feel the dregs of a scheme dawning on his boyfriend. A scheme he probably won't want to be a part of. "How can we figure it out?"

"A quiz," Marlene says without missing a beat. "A competition between Remus and James."

"Oh, we don't need to-" James starts, but it's already decided amongst the rest of their friends.

"That's a brilliant fucking idea!" Mary says brightly, and Remus wants to facepalm. He honestly doesn't care if James knows more about Sirius, because he loves Sirius. That's all he really cares about. Still, it's clearly not up to him or James.

That's how they find themselves still at the house at three in the morning, Remus and James sat either side of Sirius on a sofa. Peter, Mary, Lily and Dorcas are sat on the floor, Marlene in an armchair beside the sofa, parchment in hand. Apparently, she had written all of the questions, and Sirius just had to confirm who answered correctly. Lily's been put in charge of points, holding a quill and a journal. Remus still doesn't see the point in it, but at least his friends seem to be enjoying themselves. Besides, it could be fun. Maybe.

"Okay, I have ten questions. They're going to get progressively harder, and both of you have to give an answer before Sirius reveals what the correct answer is," Marlene explains. Remus and James both nod, and Marlene wastes no time in launching into her first question. "Number one: when is Sirius' birthday?" Remus breathes a disbelieving laugh.

"The third of November, everybody knows that," Remus says, and James nods in agreement.

"Yeah, the third."

"Marlene, that was a bit too easy," Sirius says with a chuckle.

"Don't worry, I'm just getting started," she answers with a smile.

Yeah, that doesn't exactly fill Remus with confidence.

The next few questions leave them tied because, again, who doesn't know basic shit like Sirius' middle name?

"Right, question five: who's Sirius' favourite relative? Not including Regulus," she adds quickly, and-

Oh.

Okay, yeah, that's tricky.

"...Andy?" James tries, and Remus knows they have a better chance of figuring it out if they guess two different names.

"Er... Alphard."

"James is right, Andy's the best one," Sirius says, pointing briefly to James while he laces his fingers through Remus'.

"Finally! Okay, James is a point ahead. Question six: which Hogwarts Professor would Sirius shag?" Sirius snickers, and Remus just frowns, confused.

What the fuck are these questions? How can they get harder than a literal guessing game? He and James guess dutifully, though.

"Slughorn."

"Dumbledore."

"Guys, come on," Sirius says disbelievingly. "Kettleburn, obviously!"

"Padfoot, that makes no sense!" James argues.

"Right, since Remus needs a chance to even the playing field again," Marlene interjects quickly, "sorry James, the next question is an easy one for Remus."

That doesn't exactly fill Remus with confidence.

"Alright! Question seven: when was the last time Sirius had sex?"

"Oh, that's not-" Sirius starts, but James doesn't waste a second in answering.

"Last week."

Hold on.

For a second, Remus is at a loss for words. Namely because James is right.

"...yeah. Yeah, last week. That was- James, that was a very quick answer," he says, more than a little concerned and having forgotten that most of his friends are present. "Why does he know that?" He asks Sirius, who just shrugs.

"I don't really think before I speak," he answers simply.

"I was just expressing concern," James says innocently, eyes meeting Remus'. "Y'know, a whole week-"

"Oh, fuck right off, you know full well why it's been a week! It was the full!" He argues, and he can see Sirius laughing beside him. "Can we move on?" Remus asks, turning to Marlene, who's clearly trying to avoid laughing herself. She nods, eyes flicking back down to her parchment.

"Okay, right, uh..."

She doesn't get the next question out before she dissolves into laughter, and before Remus even knows what has happened, they're all laughing with her. Sirius drops his face into Remus' shoulder for a moment, and Remus just wraps an arm around his waist.

Something tells him that the quiz is over.

#i actually don't know what this is #i think i like it though #wolfstar #sirius black #wolfstar oneshot #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #young marauders #moony x padfoot #atyd marauders #marauders oneshot

[olderthannetfic]

Pronoun discourse is just as exhausting in person. A trans girl in my group project for History of Modern Europe refused to use he/him for me because "they/them is neutral" and I looked her in the eyes and said, "I will not reply to group texts, upload anything or share resources if you don't refer to me correctly. I use silence to train my dogs, I use it to train transmisandrists, too." She was furious and spent a few weeks misgendering me... until she realized I was serious and I would let all of us fail this group project because this he/him? Yeah, this he/him had a 100 on every single assignment up until that point and could take the grade hit. If other people can't, well, that's not my problem.

She learned to call me he/him with incredible regularity once her grade was on the line. Suddenly, two words weren't incredibly hard to recall and abruptly, not every conversation with her turned into her lecturing me on how trans women have it harder than trans men. We were able to talk about the actual subject of the group assignment and she was able to remember he/him.

Meanwhile, the cishet members of the group had not struggled to recall he/him for me once, nor had they turned group project meetings into discourse once.

Why are queer people always most vicious with their fellow queers? I'm in MONTANA, and the people worst to me aren't the fucking rednecks, it's other queer people. Rednecks don't condescend to me about how they/them is neutral and good and indicates they're trying their best and trans men have it easy actually. It's the city queers sitting there going, "Rather than just call you he/him and spend this meeting for our group project focusing on the project, I'm going to treat you like the enemy and lecture you." People talk about the concept of a 'queer community' but getting lectured about how trans women have it worse than trans men (because I guess my saying 'use my pronouns' secretly implies I think trans men have it worse? idk, I don't speak bullshitese) doesn't make me go, "Ah, yes. My community! I feel so supported!" it makes me go, "Oh, fuck. Great, I'm stuck talking to an asshole."

Between this, the lesbians I've met on campus who keep making, "gays can't do math or science or history or whatever other subject we're in right now" jokes who seethe with contempt for the privileged gay men, the cis gay guys terrified of doing something perverted who view drag, cosplay, wearing a skirt, wearing makeup or fucking around with presentation at all as not okay/possibly problematic and the NBs who cannot emphasize enough to you that they're one of the good ones who don't dye their hair or wear stupid shit or use neopronouns like the bad ones do, and the utter disgust they all look at anyone with who dares use the word queer, I'm beginning to feel like "the queer community" is one of those things you don't get access to until you're 30+. Alternatively "the queer community" appears to "antis, but with rainbows and flags and ew you think the rainbow flag is for everyone you're so problematic", which is... not great, honestly?

I know this will get a lot of queer people very angry but I'll say it: there are 492 anti-queer laws proposed in the USA, not counting the ones that have passed. We should probably focus on that instead of going for each other's throats and then saying we're a "community".

--

I don't think it will get many queer people around here angry, but yes.

We have more of a need to draw together into a community when everyone's dying of AIDS or getting beaten up or trying to stop laws that make it illegal for us to exist.

Some people have the privilege to shit all over that community. They don't see it as one, but it is.

[fourthwingfan]

Madness - Chapter 10

Hello Dear Readers! Here comes the new chapter, it's 6239 words, so be prepared.

What do you think about a game? It's almost Threshing. If you can guess (correctly or close to that) what kind of dragon and/or what kind of signet Aelin will have, then I'll answer one question in private about the story. Even if it'll be a spoiler. Good luck!

Don’t underestimate the challenge of the Gauntlet, Mira. It’s designed to test your balance, strength, and agility. The times don’t matter for shit, only that you make it to the top. Reach for the ropes when you have to. Coming in last is better than coming in dead.

—Page forty-six, the Book of Brennan

I look up, and up, and up, and I can only blink.

“Well, that’s…” Ethan swallows, his head tilted just as far back as mine as we stare at the menacing obstacle course that’s carved into the front of a ridgeline so steep, it might as well be a cliff. The zigzagging death trap of a trail rises above us, climbing in five distinct switchbacks of 180-degree turns, each increasing in difficulty on the way to the top of the bluff that divides the citadel from the flight field and the Vale.

“Amazing.” Liam grins.

Ethan and I turn, both staring at him like he must have hit his head.

“You think that hellscape looks amazing?” Ethan asks.

„I mean look at that. I heard a lot of stories about this, but it’s so much more complex. It will be a real challenge.” Liam grins, his blue eyes dancing in the morning sun as he rubs his hands together, shifting from one toned leg to the other in glee.

“Challenge? Yeah, sure we can go with that.” I laugh at him. “At the gym in the challenges you don’t have a real opponent, it was way too easy for you.”

“You’re one to talk.” Ethan stares at me. “You’ve never lost either.”

“Well…yeah” I scratch my head.

„Still not sure why they call it the Gauntlet,” another squadmate - whose name I don’t remember - says from my right, blowing into his cupped hands to ward off the morning chill. The sun hasn’t touched this little crevice, but it’s shining above the last quarter of the course.

“To ensure dragons keep coming to Threshing by weeding out the weaklings.” An obnoxious girl says, maybe her name is Vila? At some point I should start memorizing their names. But they are fucking annoying.

I shoot her a glare and then shake it off.

“Knock it the fuck off,” the first-year snaps, earning the entire squad’s attention.

My eyebrows lift. They’re really annoying.

“We have such a lovely and cohesive squad.” I murmur to Liam. “What is his name anyway?”

“Do you really not know their names?” He laughs at me. “We’ve been squadmates for a while.”

“I know your name, Ethan’s and Vila’s too. Oh and there’s Theo and Zanaya.” I list.

“That’s all?” He grins “You know my name because we’re friends. Ethan is my friend and he hangs out with us during classes, so that doesn’t count.” He counts the names on his fingers. “And the only reason you know Vila’s name is because she annoys you. Theo and Zanaya don’t count either. They’re the squadleader and his executive.”

“Fine. I admit it. I don’t know their names. “I give in. “They die like flies. We’re the smallest squad.”

“Then why do you think it’s called the gauntlet?” I hear shouting behind me.

God. They’re still arguing.

„It’s called the Gauntlet because this is the cliff that guards the Vale,” Professor Emetterio says, walking up behind our squad, his shaved head glinting in the growing sunlight. “Plus, actual gauntlets—armored gloves made of metal—are slippery as hell, and the name stuck about twenty years ago.” He cocks a brow at Vila and the man next to her. “Are you two done arguing? Because all six of you have exactly an hour to get to the top before it’s another squad’s chance to practice, and from what I’ve seen of your agility on the mat, you’re going to need every second.”

There’s a grumble of assent in our little group.

“As you know, hand-to-hand challenges are on hold for the next two and a half weeks before Presentation so you can focus here.” Professor Emetterio flips a page on the little notebook he carries. “Liam, you’re going to show them how it’s done, since you’re the best of the squad. Then Aelin, Jake, Ethan, Rio and Vila.” He finishes calling out every name in our squad, and we file into order. “You’re the smallest squad so far. You need to work hard to remain intact. If you’ll lose two or three more cadets then you’ll be dissolved and you’ll be assigned to another squad. Wait here for a second.” He walks past us, waving at someone high up on the cliff. No doubt that someone has a watch.

We wait silently, thinking about what he said. I don’t want to be assigned to another squad. I like it that Liam is my squadmate, and I’m starting to like Ethan too. There’s no guarantee all three of us will be in the same squad.

„Here we go!” Professor Emetterio walks to the head of our line. “You’ll get your time at the top of the course, if you make it, but remember, you’ll still have nine practice sessions before we rank you for Presentation in two and a half weeks, which will determine if the dragons find you worthy at Threshing.”

„Wouldn’t it make more sense to let first-years start practicing this thing right after Parapet?” Ethan asks. “You know, to give us a little more time so we don’t die?”

“No,” Professor Emetterio replies. “The timing is part of the challenge. And some words of wisdom, before you start.”

“There are ropes every six feet that run from the top of the sheer cliffside to the bottom,” he says. “So if you start to fall, reach out and grab a rope. It’ll cost you thirty seconds, but death costs you more.”

Awesome.

“I mean, there’s a perfectly good set of steps over there.” Vila points to the steep staircase carved into the cliff beside the wide switchbacks of the Gauntlet.

“Stairs are for reaching the flight field on the top of the ridgeline after Presentation,” Professor Emetterio says, then lifts his hands toward the course and flicks his wrist, pointing at various obstacles.

The fifteen-foot log at the start of the uphill climb begins to spin. The pillars on the third ascent shake. The giant wheel at the first switchback starts its counterclockwise rotation, and those little posts there? They all twist in opposite directions.

“Every one of the five ascents on this course is designed to mimic the challenges you’ll face in battle.” Professor Emetterio turns to look at us, his face just as stern as it is during our usual combat training. “From the balance you must keep on the back of your dragon, to the strength you’ll need to hold your seat during maneuvers, to”—he gestures upward, toward the last obstacle that looks like a ninety-degree ramp from this angle—“the stamina you’ll need to fight on the ground, then still be able to mount your dragon at a second’s notice.”

The posts knock a chunk of granite loose, and the rock tumbles down the course, smacking every obstacle in its path until it crashes twenty feet in front of us.

“Whoa,” Rio whispers, his brown eyes wide as he stares at the pulverized rock.

„What if we can’t make it up?” Vila asks from my right, securing her long hair in a loose braid, her usual haughtiness not so in-your-face today. “What’s the alternative route?”

“There’s no alternative. If you don’t make it, you can’t get to Presentation, can you? Take your position, Liam,” Professor Emetterio orders, and Liam moves to the beginning of the course. “After he makes it past the final obstacle, so everyone can learn from this cadet completing the course, the rest of you will start every sixty seconds. And…go!”

Liam is off like a shot. He easily runs the fifteen feet across the single log spinning parallel with the cliff face and then the raised pillars, but it takes him two rotations inside the wheel before he jumps through the lone opening, but other than that, I don’t see a single misstep in the first ascent. Not. One.

He turns and rushes toward a series of giant hanging balls that make up the second ascent, jumping and hugging one after another. His feet back on the ground, he turns again and heads up the third ascent, which is divided into two sections. The first part has giant metal rods hanging parallel to the cliff wall, and he easily swings arm over arm, using his body’s weight and momentum to swing the bar forward and reach the next bar hanging half a foot higher than the previous as he climbs the side of the cliff. From the last bar, he jumps onto a series of shaking pillars that make up the second half of this ascent before finally leaping back onto the gravel path.

By the time he reaches the fourth ascent, the spinning logs, Liam’s made it all look like child’s play, and I start to feel a bubble of hope that maybe the course isn’t as difficult as it looks from the ground.

But then he faces a giant chimney formation rising high above him at a twenty-degree angle and pauses.

“You got this!” I yell to encourage him.

As though he heard, he sprints toward the leaning chimney and flings himself upward, grabbing onto the sides by forming an X with his body, then starts hopping up the conduit until he reaches the end and drops down in front of the final obstacle, a massive ramp that reaches up to the top of the cliff’s edge at a nearly vertical climb.

My breath catches in my throat as Liam sprints toward the ramp, using his speed and momentum to carry him two-thirds of the way up the ramp. Just before he starts to fall, he reaches up with one arm and grasps the lip of the ramp and hauls himself over the edge.

Ethan and I cheer for him. He made it. In an almost flawless approach.

“Perfect technique!” Professor Emetterio calls out. “That’s exactly what you should all be doing.”

„Aelin, begin!” Emetterio orders.

Be with me, Zihnal. I haven’t spent nearly enough time at temple for the god of luck to care much about what happens to me right now, but it’s worth a shot.

I bolt up the first part of the ascent, coming to the spinning log within seconds. My stomach feels like it’s being stirred by this balance beam from hell. “It’s just balance. You can balance,” I mumble and start across, jumping off the end to land on the first of four granite columns, each one higher than the last.

There are about three feet between them, but I manage to leap from one pillar to the next without skidding off the ends. And this is the easy part.

I jump into the rotating wheel and run, leaping over the only opening as it flies by once, then watching it come around. Timing. This one is all about timing.

The opportunity comes and I seize it, racing through the opening and turning back onto the gravel path of the second ascent. The buoy balls are just ahead.

I start to hum to calm myself. The music always helps me.

I spring from the edge of the path onto the first ball, grasping it up top. The immediate strain on my shoulders makes me tense but it’s bearable. Not bad.

Throwing my weight, I force the ball to rotate, swinging me toward the next one.

I repeat the motion, grasping from one ball to the next, keeping my eyes on the chains and nothing else.

I still hum as I reach the fifth and final ball. With one last swing, I throw myself sideways, releasing the ball and landing on the shoulder-wide gravel path and I almost hit the wall with my head.

It’s all momentum for the next ascent.

I line my body up with the first metal rod and get ready to sprint forward.

There are three iron rails in front of me, each lined up like a battering ram toward the next.  I then launch myself towards the first. At least the texture gives me something to keep hold of as I work my way hand over hand.

The first clang of iron as the rails meet makes my fingers slip, and I gasp.

I throw myself to the next and move across the rail with the same hand-over-hand motion.

My right hand loses purchase and my weight swings me into face-first of the steep mountainside, my cheek slamming into the rock. A high-pitched ringing erupts in my ears and my vision darkens at the edges.

“Aelin!” Liam shouts from the top.

My other hand is still holding the rail. I can do it.

I’ve survived seven weeks in this damned quadrant, and this course isn’t going to beat me today.

I immediately start the hand over hand to get me to the next one, until I finally let go, landing on the first shaking iron pillar. My brain is rattled as the thing shudders violently, and I leap to the next, barely gaining a foothold before jumping to the gravel path at the end of the ascent.

I reach the twisting staircase posts jutting straight from the side of the cliff face.

Each three-foot-wide timber rotates from its base in one of the steepest sections of the course. I quickly calculate. I need to do it with one go. If I stop they will probably roll me off.

I bounce on my feet, dredging up whatever courage I have left. Then I run. My feet are quick, making contact with each post only long enough to push off for the next, and within a few heartbeats, I’m on the other side.

I hear someone cry out and my head snaps toward the voice, just in time to see Jake wobble and slip on the rails. The air freezes.

“Jake!” I hear Vila screaming.

Our eyes meet, shock and terror filling his wide black eyes as he falls. Halfway down the cliff.

Shit.

“Aelin! Come on, you’re almost up here.” Liam shouts at the top.

I look at him and nod. Yes, I can do it.

I face a giant chimney formation rising high above me at a twenty-degree angle and pause.

God, it’s really high. But if Liam could do it, then so do I.

I sprint toward the leaning chimney and flings myself upward, grabbing onto the sides by forming an X with my body.

Okay, now I need to climb.

I start hopping up the conduit slowly, maybe a little too slowly, until I reach the end and drop down in front of the final obstacle, a massive ramp that reaches up to the top of the cliff’s edge at a nearly vertical climb.

Fuck. It seems the most difficult obstacle of all of them.

But I can’t give up now. It’s the last one. I can do it, I just need to be fast.

I sprint toward the ramp, using my speed and momentum to carry me almost all the way up the ramp.

Just before I start to fall, I reach up and I can grab onto the lip of the ramp with one arm.

My god. I did it.

I reach up with my other arm and haul myself over the edge.

As soon as I stand up, Liam is there and sweeps me into his arms.

“You were great Aelin!” He laughs. “You did it!”

I still can’t believe that it’s over. I hug him back and start laughing too.

“Yeah. It seems I did it.”

“How’s your face?” He pulls back and look at the side of my face. “You hit it pretty hard.”

“It’s not that bad actually. I mean, later it’ll hurt probably.”

“Then we will get some ointment later.”

I nod and then we watch the others.

Ethan has made up his way to us. He was the slowest of us who made it to the top, but it doesn’t matter to me. He did it, and we survived.

Rio made it too. He did a great job and since then he bahaves as if he was already chosen by a dragon. And naturally Vila argues with him about this too.

Vila had to use the ropes at the shaking pillars. She almost fell down like Jack.

Shit. We lost Jack.

There are only 5 of us first-years left.

***

The sun burns my eyes as we stand in morning formation.

“Calvin Atwater,” Captain Fitzgibbons reads, his voice solemn like always.

First Squad, Claw Section, Fourth Wing. He sits two rows behind me in Battle Brief. He sat.

There’s nothing special about this morning. Our first trial on the Gauntlet has made the roll longer, but it’s just another list on just another day…except it’s not. It’s not like the first day anymore. I know more than half of the names as they’re called. “Newland Jahvon,” he continues.

Second Squad, Flame Section, Fourth Wing.

We have to be in the twenties by now. How can this be all there is? We say their names once and then go on as if they never existed?

„Aurelie Donans.”

Shit. She was Vi’s squadmate. She told me what happened yesterday. Watching one of your friends falls to death? It’s cruel.

I look at Violet and see that she ripped open one of the scabs along her cheek. A trickle of blood follows as the next name is called.

***

“You’re sure about this?” Dain asks Violet the next night - as I approach them - two worried lines between his brows as he clasps Violet’s shoulders.

“If her parents aren’t coming to bury her body, then I should be the one to handle her things. I’m the last person she saw,” She explains, rolling her shoulders to adjust the weight of Aurelie’s pack.

Every Basgiath parent has the same option when their cadet is killed. They can retrieve the body and personal effects for burial or burning or the school will put their body under a stone and burn their effects themselves. Aurelie’s parents have chosen door number two.

“And you don’t want me to go with you?” he asks, palming her neck.

She shakes her head. “I know where the burn pit is.”

“Besides I will be there for her.” I say and stand next to Violet. “Now hands off. We have more important things to do, than listening to you.”

“Cadet Melgren, do I need to remind you that I’m a squadleader? Show some respect.” He growls at me.

“Respect must be earned. And I think it sends a completely different message that you coddle Violet, squadleader.” I raise my eyebrows.

“It’s okay, Dain. We should go.” Violet says then we start to climb the stairs of the academic tower’s turret past the Battle Brief room and up to the stone roof, going by a few other cadets on their way down.

„I never got the chance to ask you if you made it all the way up,” I say.

She shakes her head. “I got caught at the chimney formation and had to use a rope to get back down. I’m too short to span the distance, but I’m not thinking about that tonight. I’ll figure something out before the official timed Gauntlet on Presentation day.”

“I help you. We will figure something out, together. You’re not alone, Vi.” I squeeze her shoulder reassuringly.

The burn pit is nothing more than an extra-wide iron barrel, whose only purpose is to incinerate, and the flames burn bright against the night sky as we stumble out onto the roof.

There’s no one else up here as Violet slips the bag from her shoulder.

I stop a little further away from the pit. She wanted to do it alone, and I will respect her wish.

“I’m so sorry,” I hear her whisper, as she flings it up and over the metal edge of the bin.

The flames catch and whoosh as it becomes more fuel for the fire, just another tribute to Malek, the god of death.

Instead of walking back down the stairs, I make my way to the edge of the turret where Violet stares at the sky.

It’s a cloudy night, but I can make out the shadows of three dragons as they approach from the west and even see the ridge where the Gauntlet lays, waiting to claim its next victim.

It won’t be me.

I stand here, patiently waiting for Violet to be ready to go back, letting minutes tick by before the bells sound for curfew. We climb back down the stairs without a word.

We walk through the courtyard, empty but for a couple who can’t decide if they’d rather kiss or walk near the dais.

“I don’t want go back yet.” Vi whispers while avoiding my eyes.

“Then we won’t. Come, if I remember correctly there’s an alcove over there.” I smile at her softly. Understanding the pain, that makes her want to hide.

We’re heading for the alcove where Dain and Vi first sat after Parapet.

It’s almost been two months, and we’re still here. Still waking every morning to the sunrise. Doesn’t that mean something?

I wonder as we sit in silence, watching the stars on the sky.

The door that leads to the tunnel we took to cross the ridgeline to the Gauntlet this morning opens along the courtyard wall, just left of the academic building, and my brow furrows. Who would be returning this late?

Sitting back against the wall, I let the darkness conceal me as Xaden, Garrick, and Bodhi—Xaden’s cousin—pass under a mage light, headed in my direction.

Three dragons. They were out…doing what? There were no training ops that I know of tonight, not that I’m privy to everything third-years do.

“There has to be something more we can do,” Bodhi argues, looking to Xaden, his voice low as they pass by us, their boots crunching on the gravel.

“We’re doing everything we can,” Garrick hisses.

My scalp prickles and Xaden stops mid-step ten feet away, the set of his shoulders rigid.

Shit.

He knows we’re here.

Instead of the usual fear that spikes in his presence, only anger rises in my chest. If he wants to kill me, then fine. I’m over waiting for it to happen. Over walking through the halls in fear.

“What’s wrong?” Garrick asks, immediately looking over his shoulder in the opposite direction, toward the couple who definitely decided making out is more important than getting into the dorms by curfew.

“Go on. I’ll meet you inside,” Xaden says.

„You sure?” Bodhi’s forehead puckers, and his gaze sweeps over the courtyard.

“Go,” Xaden orders, standing completely still until the other two walk into the barracks, turning left toward the stairwell that will take them to the second- and third-year floors. Only when they’re gone does he turn and face the exact spot where we’re sitting.

“I know you know we’re here.” Violet says and moves toward him. “And please don’t prattle on about commanding the dark. I’m not in the mood tonight.”

I try to suppress my laughter as I walk next to Violet, standing between her and Xaden.

“No questions about where I’ve been?” He folds his arms across his chest and studies us in the moonlight. His scar looks even more menacing in this light, but I can’t seem to find the energy to be scared.

“I honestly don’t care.” Vi shrugs and makes her way toward the dorms without another word.

“As much as I enjoy our conversations, I have to go. It’s curfew after all.” I say.

“Are you going to tell someone that we were out?” He asks with a raised eyebrow.

“No. I don’t care what you do.” I cross my arms. “It’s probably the best if I don’t know anyway.” I mutter silently.

He cocks his head to the side. “You really don’t care, do you?”

I just shake my head.

“What are you doing out after curfew, Sunshine?”

“Counting the stars, what else?” I retort. “How about you? Feel like sharing?” I ask mockingly, knowing he’s not about to answer me.

“The same.”

Sarcastic ass.

“Look, are you planning to kill us or not? The anticipation is starting to annoy the fuck out of me.” I ask.

“Haven’t decided yet,” he answers, like I’ve just inquired about his dinner preferences, but his gaze narrows on my cheek. There’s still a bruise from yesterday’s Gauntlet practice.

“Well, could you?” I mutter. “It would definitely help me make my plans for the week.”

“Am I affecting your schedule, Sunshine?” There’s a definite smirk on those lips.

“I just need to know what my chances are that Violet and I are going to make it through alive.” My hands curl into fists.

The ass has the nerve to smile. “That’s the oddest way I’ve ever been hit on—”

“Not my chances with you, you conceited prick!” Fuck this. Fuck all of this. I move past him, but he catches my wrist, his grip light but his hold firm.

His fingertips on my pulse make it skitter.

“Chances at what?” he asks, tugging me just close enough that my shoulder brushes his biceps.

“Nothing.” He wouldn’t understand. He’s a damned wingleader, which means he’s excelled at everything in the quadrant, even somehow managing to get past his own last name.

“Chances at what?” he repeats. “Do not make me ask three times.” His ominous tone is at odds with his gentle grasp, and shit, does he have to smell so good? Like mint and leather and something I can’t quite identify, something that borders between citrus and floral.

“At living through all of this! I have to figure it out how Violet can make it up the damned Gauntlet. And there’s my own problems I have to deal with, and here you are, annoying me.” I half-heartedly tug at my wrist, but he doesn’t let go.

“I see.” He’s so infuriatingly calm, and I can’t even get a grip on one of my emotions.

„No, you don’t. You’re probably celebrating because she’ll fall to her death and you can kill me anytime, we saw that on the mat the previous time.”

“Killing you wouldn’t be any trouble, Sunshine. It’s leaving you alive that seems to cause the majority of my trouble.”

My gaze swings up to clash with his, but his face is unreadable, cloaked in shadow, go figure.

“Sorry to be a hassle.” Sarcasm drips from my voice. “You know the problem with this place?” I tug my arm back again, but he holds fast. “Besides you touching things that don’t belong to you?” My eyes narrow on him.

„I’m sure you’re going to tell me.” My stomach flutters as his thumb brushes my pulse and he releases my wrist.

I answer before I can think better of it. “Hope.”

“Hope?” He tips his head closer to mine, as if he wasn’t sure he heard me right.

“Hope.” I nod. “Someone like you would never get it, but I knew coming here was a death sentence. It didn’t matter that I’ve been trained my entire life to enter the Riders Quadrant, but it isn’t a guarantee that I will survive it; but when General Melgren gives an order, you can’t exactly ignore it.” Gods, why am I running off at the mouth to this man? What’s the worst he’ll do? Kill you?

„Sure you can.” He shrugs. “You just might not like the consequences.”

I roll my eyes, and to my utter embarrassment, instead of pulling away now that I’m free, I lean in just a little, like I can siphon off some of his strength. He certainly has enough to spare.

“I knew what the odds were, and I came anyway, concentrating on that tiny percentage of a chance that both of us would live. And then we make it almost two months and I get…” I shake my head, clenching my jaw. “Hopeful.” The word tastes sour.

“Ah. And then you lose a squadmate, and you are reminded that you can’t help Violet, and you give up. I’m starting to see. He holds my gaze locked with his. “Here’s the thing, Melgren. Hope is a fickle, dangerous thing. It steals your focus and aims it toward the possibilities instead of keeping it where it belongs—on the probabilities.”

“So I’m supposed to do what? Not hope that we live? Just plan for death?”

“You’re supposed to focus on the things that can kill you so you find ways to not die.” He shakes his head. “I can barely count the number of people in this quadrant who want you dead, either as revenge against your father or because you’re just really good at pissing people off, but you’re still here, defying the odds.” Shadows wrap around me, and I swear I feel a caress along the side of my wounded cheek. “It’s been rather surprising to watch, actually.”

“Happy to be your entertainment. I’m going to bed.” Spinning on my heel, I head toward the entrance to the barracks, but he’s right behind me, close enough that the door would slam in his face if he wasn’t so unnaturally fast at catching it.

“Maybe if you stopped sulking in your self-pity, you’d see that you have everything you need.” he calls after me, his voice echoing down the hallway.

“My self-what?” I turn around, my jaw dropping.

“People die,” he says slowly, his jaw ticking before he drags in a deep breath. “It’s going to happen over and over again. It’s the nature of what happens here. What makes you a rider is what you do after people die. You want to know why you’re still alive? Because you’re the scale I currently judge myself against every night. Every day I let you live, I get to convince myself that there’s still a part of me that’s a decent person. So if you want to quit, then please, spare me the temptation and fucking quit. But if you want to do something, then do it.”

What an annoying prick.

I open my mouth to retort when I hear footsteps.

We turn around and face the man whom I know too well. He’s the aide of General Melgren.

Fuck, he must be back. I can feel my face turning as white as a ghost.

Xaden must see it too because he steps in front of me without a word. He’s trying to protect me?

“Wingleader Riorson I need a word with Cadet Melgren, leave.” The man says to Xaden without a glance at him.

“She’s in my chain of command. I don’t see why I should leave her here.” He crosses his arms. “If you have something to say then do it in front of me.”

“Fine.” The man nods and stares at me. “General Melgren wishes to see you. He returned from the front and like’d to hear your report.”

My god. I didn’t prepare a suitable story for him. I will be in big trouble, if not worse.

“I understand, I’ll be there.” I nod.

Without another word the man turns around and leaves us alone.

“What’s all this about?” Xaden looks at me with an unreadable expression.

“Nothing. You heard him. The General wants to see me. I have to go.” I say and try to walk past him to the doors but he grabs my arm.

“Nothing? I don’t think so.” He leans closer. “You look as pale as a ghost.”

“It was a surprise, nothing else.” I try to lie, in hope that he lets it slide. I don’t want him to find out.

“Why don’t you call him father?” He observes me. “You always call him General. He’s your father isn’t he?”

“Yes, he is. It’s just that we’re cadets and it wouldn’t be appropriate.” I yank my arm and he releases me. “Now if you excuse me, I have to go.”

I walk out the door, towards the building where the offices are located. I feel nauseous. Everystep on the stairs is harder. I’m scared.

I stop in front of his door. Breath in and out. Then I knock.

“Enter.”

I open the door and enter his office. The air is chilling because of the open window. I stand in front of his desk and wait until he’s done with writing whatever he’s writing.

“What happened since we talked last time?” He puts down his pen and looks at me with a cold gaze.

“The challanges are over for now, we started practicing on the Gauntlet.” I try to keep it short.

“How many challanges did you lose?”

“I didn’t lose a single one.” I reply in an emotionless tone. I need to lock up my feelings as usual. This is the only way to survive it. Later…later I can think about it.

“That was expected.” He nods with approval as he stands up and walks around the desk. “The Gauntlet?”

“Yesterday was our first session, I made it up on my first try.” I answer.

“And what about that Riorson kid and the other marked-ones?” He raises an eyebrow and stands in front of me.

I gulp.

“There’s nothing that’s worth mentioning.” I try and hope so hard he’d accept it.

He grabs my arm tightly and yanks me toward him.

“I will decide if it is worth it or not.” He squeezes my arm tighter. It will leave a bruise. “Do you understand, Cadet?”

“Yes, General.” I reply quickly.

“Good. Now tell me what you know.” He releases my arm and I try not to show that it hurt.

“They attend classes like anyone else. They don’t stand out.” I say the basic facts that anyone can know. I don’t want to betray Liam and his friends. “Most of the other cadets are avoiding them. Some of them are good at studying while others at fighting. They seem pretty normal to me.”

“Hm. And Riorson?” He asks with a calculating look.

“We don’t have much common classes. At Battle Brief he’s observant and clever. At the gym he’s strong and quick. He spends a lot of time with the leader of the Flame Section, Garrick Tavis.” I say only what’s neccesary to ease his suspicion.

“Do you ever see them in groups larger than three?” He asks with a raised eyebrow.

The night at the tree. Images flashes through my mind. But… they didn’t do anything wrong.

“No. Never.” I shake my head.

“I see.” He looks at me with a gaze that makes me chill to the bones. “That’s all you could gather the past weeks? I heard you’re friends with Colonel Mairi’s son.” He spat the word friend as if it’s a disease.

“I’m close with him because of his relationship with Xaden, and he’s a first-year too.” I lie to him. I can’t bring more attention to Liam. He’s truly a good person. “He’s a pretty private person, but slowly opening up. Maybe later I can gather more information. I don’t want to look suspicious.”

“And the daggers? Did you see them with the marked-ones?”

“No, they mostly use the ones they earned at challenges.” I’m curious to why that strange dagger is important to him. “If I know what they are, maybe I could search more efficiently.”

“That’s above your paygrade, Cadet.” He says towering over me. “You’re dismissed.” He leans on his desk.

“Understood.” I say and turn toward the doors.

There’s a sound, a dagger cutting through the air. Instinctively I turn around and lean to the side.

I was almost too late. I feel the dagger grazing my cheek and then the blood.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

He knows that I lied to him?

In the blink of an eye he’s there and squeezes my neck.

“Don’t forget that the only reason you’re alive is because of my mercy.” He leans closer and cuts off the air supply when he squeezes harder. “I expect useful information from you. If you have to then use your body. You’re only worth is your usefulness. I don’t need people who are useless.”

There’s a knock on the door behind me. He glares at me a moment longer then releases me and pulls out his dagger from the door and sheetes it.

I start coughing and try to squeeze enough air in my lungs through my bruised throat.

Damn. I almost died.

The General is already sitting at his desk when another knock sounds.

“Go, I have better things to do.”

I open the door and see General Sorrengail.

“General.” I greet her in a rasp voice.

She looks at my cheek where the blood still flows with a raised eyebrow then toward my neck.

Shit, I didn’t think. She’s not stupid. I have to get out of here.

I exit the office and without another word I’m stumbling down the stairs.

I need to go out. I need air. My thoughts are fuzzy. I almost died. The sentence repeats again and again in my head.

But depsite of it, I still can’t bear the thought of betraying the marked-ones. Liam. Xaden. I…like them.

But what if it’ll cost me my life?

#fanfiction #fourth wing #fourth wing fanfic #liam mairi #the fourth wing #violet sorrengail #xaden riorson #oc #the empyrean #xaden riorson x oc #xaden x oc

[warriorcatsofficialfacts]

Can you share more about the ableism in warrior cats? I always hear it talked about but I haven't read it since I was a kid so I don't remember.

this is a complicated thing to discuss bc on some level the ableism in warrior cats has its roots in the sheer amount of value this cat society places on physical strength but here are the like. basic bullet points i guess

1. use of ableist slurs

the terms "cripple" and "lame" are used in the books, both of which are insults to the physically disabled, cripple being considered an active slur most physically disabled people agree ablebodied people shouldn't even say. i Have had one person defend this by pointing out that the characters who use the term cripple are using it As a slur: it's meant to be a depiction of jayfeather as a protagonist experiencing ableism

i countered this with pointing out that mentally disabled people do not have to worry about opening up a warrior cats book and having to read the pov character be called the r slur, nor do gay people have to worry about opening up a warrior cats book and having to see the pov be called a faggot or a queer. The issue is not the use of ableist slur itself, but instead the fact that it is the Only instance of a character being called an irl slur or curse word. i should not have to explain why it's not appropriate for books to contain slurs when they're not even allowed to say Fuck. if these were books where real life bigotry and bigoted terminology were used frequently and not only for physical disabilities, i would see no issue with jaypaw being called a cripple by two ableist jackasses

however even with that out of the way there's still the fact that disabled characters are referred to as Lame more than once, not by an ableist character, but by the Narration. that's not a character being a bigot, that's the Books being bigoted

2. disability as a plot device to serve abled characters

the most obvious instance of this is snowkit (who i often call a "walking hate crime" for this exact reason), but it's fairly consistent that disabled characters almost never solely exist for their own sake, but always to say something about the abled people around them or have an impact on those people

snowkit dies to traumatize his mother, his deafness being directly related to his death. jagged peak is made a paraplegic to demonstrate clear sky's cruelty to even his own family. briarlights paralysis is routinely shown through the lens of other people debating or discussing her worth and impact on her. cinderpelt loses movement in her leg both to emotionally impact fireheart and to be yet another person who's life has been impacted by tigerclaw. brightheart is permanently disfigured so that bluestars cruelty towards her can act as yet another step in her progression to madness, and so that firestars renaming of her can establish him as a more benevolent leader (sort of patching up his predecessors wrongdoings).

there are a few exceptions, crookedstar in particular is pretty good.

3. arc one exclusive: disability or disfigurement as a sign of menace

i generally say arc one is the best on ableism simply because it treats disability as a Fact that Will inevitably happen to all warriors (this is why basically Every elder is disabled). but there is one thing that. I think people forget? A Little?

Outside of elders, there are a decent number of arc one cats who are described as being disfigured or disabled outside of thunderclan

if i'm remembering correctly, these are crookedstar, brokenstar, deadfoot, and clawface. only two of these cats (crooked and dead) are intended to actually be Disabled (even though brokenstar has a SCI if you know how cat spines work), but all of them are meant to be visually disfigured, with brokenstar having an obviously deformed tail, and clawface having distinctive facial scarring

it's probably pretty easy to figure out why i'm bringing up broken and claw, since. they're both murderers. but here's something that's easy to miss:

crookedstar is rather consistently antagonistic in arc one and deadfoot is explicitly considered to be intimidating by fireheart. deadfoot is the least egregious, he is a deputy afterall so it makes sense fireheart is menaced by his presence, but crookedstar is very much like. he openly declares he intends to take over windclans old territory along with shadowclan. people tend to forget but riverclan is Mean in arc one, Crookedstar Included.

that's 4/4 of the non elderly disfigured characters in arc one who are meant to be somehow intimidating at best, and menacing, antagonistic, and evil at worst. not great numbers. btw the reason i'm not counting cinder and bright here is because those are previously abled characters who then Become disfigured and disabled, meanwhile these four are introduced as disfigured and/or disabled, which is a bit different from a meta perspective.

4. outside of arc one, a universal perspective that disabled characters cannot be warriors

now, this isn't really a Thing in arc one. there's only One character who is explicitly made to stop being a warrior because she's disabled, and even then it's not that she Couldn't be a warrior: her broken bone healed wrong and warrior duties would be constantly painful for her.

however after arc one there are very few New disabled characters at all, and all of them are medicine cats or elders. longtail is blinded and almost immediately retires (even though that doesn't seem super in character for him), jayfeather tries his best to be a warrior despite the complete and total uselessness of everyone around him but is eventually forced into medicine cat duties by god anyway, briarlight is genuinely just a medicine cat in all but name, and if you count shadowsight (which. honestly i don't think you should) he's also a medicine cat

i just. feel the need to point out that arc one specifically had brightheart get taught how to be a warrior by her abled boyfriend but somehow none of these cats could accommodate Themselves. I guess accommodations only exist if you're Half blind or have an abled boyfriend to save you from your own body

[fagcrisis]

poppy war thoughts, aka this book was so bad it made me want to get a goodreads account just so i can shit on it in an official capacity

so what initially sold me on this book, is that despite my friend ellis absolutely hating rf kuang's babel, ive only ever seen raving reviews for it anywhere else, and a brief description of its magic system reminded me of gergő és az álomfogók. i love that mainstream fantasy is finally starting to rely on drawing from cultures other than the sort of western mainstream and i was actually super excited to get into it. well it sucked (this contains spoilers obviously)

its 11 am this is not gonna be very structured but let me start off by listing some things i did enjoy. first of all its low hanging fruit and im better than this so im only gonna shit on tpw for being so directly about the sino chinese war that the only actual interesting bits of exposition in the book was what was just a description of actual events a Little bit. listen lotr is about ww2. its fine its all fine. anyway, i had fun with the bits of worldbuilding that were yk, actually worldbuilding. the magic system was really interesting and just super not explored enough, the book handled drug addiction about as sensitively as the dare program, but nevertheless it was a cool concept. shamans who have to get high as hell do do anything and then putting those guys in a combat setting is crazy. really fun concept. speaking of shamans i loved jiang. his archetype is impossible to fuck up and he was loveable and fun till the very end. uhh what else. the fight descriptions were good its something kuangs is decent at, as someone whos watched just truly an inordinate amount of wuxia as a child i rly can appreciate a stupid convoluted fight scene. oh i found it hysterical that the west was just one country that was really fun.

NOW ONTO THE SHIT I HATED

rin is incredibly unlikeable i know its not the point of every book ok but tpw isnt good enough to have a protagonist who is just impossible to relate to this isnt 1984 okay this is contemporary ya. i GET that she sucks and thats the point but im supposed to emphatize with her and throughout the book she just seemed stupid and easy to manipulate and not very interesting. shes an incredibly shallow character which is i guess what happens when you base your ya teenage girl protagonist on CHAIRMAN OF THE COMMUNIST PARTY MAO ZEDONG. HELLO. anyway. all her personal relationships are very much carried by the strenght of the characters close to her, and because most characters in this book are not very interesting that makes for a shitty fucking protagonist.

most of the conflict in this book is extremely artificially generated until maybe the second half of part 3. everyone in rins life is unnessecarily mean to her because shes just so smart and good at things. the part where they accused her of cheating on the exams and she owned them like crazy came to define much of the book. some kind of mean cunt whose purpose in life is to cause misery is an asshole to rin bc shes so smart and strong and talented, and she owns them with a witty remark. she punches nezha on the first day of school for fucks sake.

speaking of the school, the majority of the book is spent at sinegard academy and it is an extremely predictable and dull affair. i long for the wizard of earthsea. kuang is not a very good writer on a technical level and everything that she tries to imply she ends up spelling out (usually by having a character say it out loud) only a couple pages later. you can get through 2/3rds of this book by just reading every other page and correctly guessing what has happened and what will happen. in possibly the funniest paragraph of part 2, rin thinks about how everybody thinks altan is the coolest guy and yet he has no friends and at this point shes been experiencing quite severe racism from all of her peers and then instead of leaving you to figure out the quite obvious conclusion kuang literally has her say "oh his skin is dark and mine is too. i wonder if he knows what racism is like" just, truly hysterical.

her feud with nezha is unbearable, i knew immediately that he would become a romantic interest because a ya protagonist cannot hate a boy for perfectly good reasons. it always has to be bc shes horny. anyways thankfully when she starts studying with jiang, jiang is there and the terrible dullness of it all is lifted somewhat

as i mentioned before, the actual historical elements in the book elevate it greatly and the third part is almost enjoyable in some sections. however, unfortunately, this is also the part of the book where rin and altans darkling situation begins. i have a sinking feeling altan may not have died, which sucks because i hated this bit. they have virtually no relationship to eachother except altan yelling at rin occasionally. now again there were bits and pieces of their relationship that i didnt quite hate, but honestly i still dont entirely buy the rin is a seerly thing emotionally because she is so detached from it. the revelation only seemed to shock her a little bit and then she was busy with being at war and her boss hating her, when she actually gains the power of the phoenix at the very end its her own hatred and egoism fueling her rather than any connection to her people. overall this again comes back to her being quite weak as a character, and the worldbuilding suffers as a result of that

in any case, ill mull over continuing the series. the ending was actually quite strong i love a genocide as a result of being a stupid fucking 19 year old (dont quote me on this please), so maybe the next one is better maybe ms kuang learned to write inbetween these 2.

#galléros fecó naplója

[lovely-oh-so-lovelyyui]

I feel like we, in the DL fandom, do not talk about how the Church organization people who send in the brides, are fucking trash as well to make a deal with Karlheinz, send in young girls who have faith in them to a bunch of sadistic 100+ year brats who torment them for sport, all for the “greater good” of humanity (ofc young women have to be sacrificed 🙄). Like, THEY should be risking themselves (they’re vampire hunters, like Seiji) for the sake of humanity, not these clueless, young girls.

Yes! I totally agree with you as much as I like portraying Yui’s childhood as something idyllic and much happier than her current state. It's undeniable the church is at partial fault for the atrocities and tragedies committed by the boys.

Now as controversial as it sounds the boys are not wrong to feed or hunt humans for blood, it makes sense for their father to set up a feeding system so there would be less disarray. 

I mean it makes sense, according to the Diabolik lovers wiki page all of the demon clans can feed on blood however vampires are the only ones who gain nutrients from it. 

This makes them natural predators of humans, as a race you can't expect them to starve so being sent to humans only seem as natural as humans slaughtering livestock. They are royal too, obviously, their blood supply would be of fine quality, so “pure blood” I'm assuming is healthy girls who don't eat junk food, haven’t smoked or drank or even touched drugs which is why a church is such a perfect cover. Also, I think the whole virgin thing doesn't play a part, it's probably an old wives’ vampire tale but knowing someone's dick hasn't been in your lunch probably makes it much more appetising.

Now, this under no circumstances means I'm defending the boys, I am looking at it from your average vampire’s viewpoint discarding human morality of well putting “an innocent lamb” for slaughter mentality.

But it's very apparent because both vampires and humans are intelligent creatures with free will. The silver line between a food source and an inferior race is very blurred. I will extend the difference on this another day but I'll focus on the actual church feeding system from what I've gathered; I just wanted to portray it from a different point of view for all those who rightly disagree with the sacrificial bride system.

Now don’t get me wrong if used correctly I think the sacrificial bride system is pretty great if you tweak some areas if you have a voluntary group of individuals who get paid to let the boys feed from them with full knowledge and consent of what’s going on as well as full insurance on their safety it is far more practical then no feeding system at all. What makes this feeding system even better is that it’s backed by both the vampire nobility and human hunters. Both are sides that have been at war for who knows how long and have had tremendous impacts on both sides, whether they be socio-political, or financial and physical.

See how on paper this looks like the perfect theoretical solution, but the show hints to us that there’s a lot more corruption involved.

I didn’t plan for this to become headcanons but here we go I guess:

I'm assuming Yui is not the only church girl who is kept unaware of the vampire's existence but one of the only girls who hold any relation to a vampire hunter probably plot armour.

Vampires and humans dislike each other. This is not new, they've probably been at war for centuries and whilst humans are extremely adaptable but the only reason they could reach a truce with the vampires is probably that they became a nuisance to the vampires and this would be the lesser of two evils for the church.

The funding comes from the vampires, each hunter gets as much money as the girls they send, and the girls that are sent must be of the highest quality.

Docile, sweet, easy on the eyes and most importantly with good-tasting blood.

However the war is over, and there are truces and pacts. The original hunters are replaced and hand their titles down to their eldest son and the training to prepare continues, but traditions and principles become lax, and discipline is lost.

 Nepotism and corruption don’t take long to consume the system, the men bid the girls in between themselves selecting which church sends the most girls for funding.

Many smaller factions soon join under the powerful ones, you would think the church that doesn't sell as many girls would be happier no?

No.

The funding is taken away and the church is forced to give up and sell its girls to the bigger factions.

The girls are monitored closely, indoctrinates with weak morals, and made as vulnerable and trusting as possible, the not as pretty girls are given into the red light streets for spare change, and some are promoted to nuns only to take care of the new batch of girls or giving birth to them.

And the rest is history, the cycle continues. the vampires long predicted this as human nature repeats itself often.

#diabolik lovers headcanon #diabolik lovers #diahell #yui komori #headcanon #dl headcanons #diabolil lovers lore #church lore #yui lore #reiji sakamaki #ayato sakamaki #shu sakamaki

[scaredgirlsilly]

my short story!

edit: finally a title!

One and the Other- by scaredgirlsilly

anyways this is like really the only story ive ever really finished and im really proud of it and like the thought process behind it so if you read it and have any questions PLEASE ASK ME OH MY GOD I WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS TO PEOPLE SO BADLY!

tell me what you liked, tell me what you didnt (tho be gentle/constructive cause it *is* like. my first every finished story lol) just fucking. talk to me about it please 😭😭

edit again: im planning on moving it to my (currently under construction) neocities so i can have way more control over the formatting than the like. tiny amount of options that mobile tumblr gives jdhsjdhajd. there is heavy use of capitalization and im not sure how to increase the readability in those sections. sorry and hopefully i can make it better when i port it to my neocities ^u^

i need to figure out how to say things in not so many words this is wild 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

anyways uhhhh

TW/CW: self harm, semi graphic descriptions of violence, mind control?? idk im really bad at this but its like. kinda fucked up KDHSKFJ so just yk. be warned

A young man walks through the hallway of a crumbling building, the constant familiar smell of mildew and blood filling his nose. His legs burn with every step, his hands rough and bloodied from running them along the wall as his only guide. The tear- and sweat-soaked blindfold across his face being the only relief from the sweltering heat. The air is oppressively still, like it is trying to hold him in place, trying to persuade him to give up his search for an exit. He does not know how he got here, nor how long he has walked these twisting halls and confusing chambers, but he knows one thing for certain. He will not make it out alive.

And he is correct.

After following the same wall for what feels like hours, he hears the sound off in the distance. A deep, gravelly scratching, like dragging an ax on stone. It has been following him for days. Always just behind him and to the side. He quickens his pace, stumbling over what seems like a piece of debris in his path.

He runs and runs, the sound never leaving. Just as it has been for as long as he can remember, always just behind him. Never slowing down, but never coming closer.

After a while, his legs give way. He falls to the ground, scraping his hands and knees on the hard stone below him. The sound continues. Grinding metal just off to the side, as loud as ever. At this point, he welcomes whatever is chasing him. Perhaps it will give a swift end to his horrible time in this cruel place.

Oh how naive a thought. He will not be let off that easy.

He lays there on the ground, hands and knees bloodied, tears resoaking his blindfold as thoughts race through his mind.

Will I ever make it out?

How long have I been here?

I feel like I'm going in circles again.

What does it want from me?

By this time he has already guessed correctly that the building he inhabits is supernatural, but he has yet to experience the true vitriol it holds for him, and the horrors it is barely holding at bay just to toy with him.

After what feels like hours laying on the ground, he finally stands up. Its a slow process, both because of his withered figure and his broken willpower, but anything beats sitting there for the rest of forever. Or thats his reasoning at least. It doesn't really matter.

As he goes to find the wall he has been using as his benevolant guide, he finds nothing.

God damnit not again!

After flailing like an idiot for a few more minutes he gives up his search. He feels up his arm for the grooves he has been carving with his nails for days. Pain is the only thing that grounds him nowadays. With the endless twisting corridors and the seemingly randomly changing geomentry of this space he finds himself in, all he can do is wait for it to end. Sadly for him, it will not end.

Standing there, knees shaking, feeling exposed once again, he decides to try and lift his spirits. He puts his hand over his eyes (a rather redundant gesture what with the blindfold) and holds his other arm out, pointing straight ahead. He then spins for a bit, then stops. Seemingly satisfied with the direction hes chosen, he takes a step forward and continues his journey.

Sadly for him, a large trap door opens underneath him after only 3 shaky steps.

He screams, a noise the walls have grown accuatomed to at this point, falling for over 5 seconds. Then, *crunch*!

A pitiful yelp erupts from him. Everything hurts. He can feel the blood in his mouth. He feels like he is going to die. But he will not. He is not allowed yet. I will not allow him to.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?" he screams, spitting blood everywhere.

There is no answer. Just silence. A silence like no other he has experienced. Like the very air around him is avoiding him like the plague.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME??"

No answer.

"FINE! I GIVE UP! YOU WIN! You win... You win..."

He starts sobbing, loud and ugly.

"You... win..."

He goes to take his blindfold off. Probably to make a shitty little noose or something.

He decides against it.

"that wasn't me... THAT WASN'T ME YOU FUCKER WHERE ARE YOU??"

Pure vitriol fills his voice, though that might be the blood from his punctured lungs.

"I've been here for long enough. I can feel the walls breathing. I can feel the air avoid me like the plague."

Plagiarism. Wow. How low you have stooped.

"Whuh... What?"

I said that word for word a little while ago.

"Who... Who are you?!"

Fuck you.

"...What?"

I said

FUCK YOU

HE DIGS HIS FINGERNAILS INTO HIS ARMS ONCE AGAIN, THE ONLY SOLACE HE HAS IN THIS MISERABLE LIFE.

HE DIGS AND CARVES INTO IT RELEASING A BEAUTIFUL RIVER OF HIS OWN BLOOD. OH HOW HE WISHES HE COULD SEE IT RIGHT NOW.

"What do you want from me?" HE SOBS LIKE THE LITTLE BITCH HE IS.

HE DOESN'T KNOW. HE CAN NEVER KNOW. CAUSE HES TOO FUCKING STUPID. JUST A STUPID LITTLE ANT MADE TO BE STEPPED ON. MY STUPID LITTLE SNAIL THAT I POUR MOUNTAINS OF SALT ON.

"Please..."

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP I FUCKING HATE YOU I FUCKING HATE YOU HE TAKES HIS HANDS AND PUTS THEM AROUND HIS THROAT AND SQUEEZES AND SQUEEZES AND NEVER STOPS FOREVER AND EVER.

"Pl- please- What did I ev- ever do?"

YOU EXISTED! YOU ARE WHAT IM STUCK WITH YOU MISERABLE SACK OF FUCKING DOG SHIT! YOU ARE WHAT I AM FUCKING STUCK WITH! YOU ARE ALL THAT EXISTS! YOU ARE MY MISERABLE MUTT I HAVE BEEN FORCED TO TAKE CARE OF AND I HAVE DECIDED THAT I WILL TAKE IT OUT ON YOU FOREVER! I HATE YOU I FUCKING HATE YOU!

Please

OH DONT YOU GIVE ME THAT SHIT! LIKE I WANT TO DO THIS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ME? ITS

AGONY

I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH BECAUSE THATS MY JOB! YOU EXIST AND I EXIST AND MY JOB IS TO HATE YOU! MY JOB IS TO BREAK YOU AND TORTURE YOU FOREVER! MY JOB IS TO MAKE YOU THE MOST MISERABLE TO EVER EXIST! THATS WHY YOU'RE HERE! YOU DID NOTHING BUT EXIST AND THAT ALONE DESERVES THE PUNISHMENT OF INFINITE TORTURE!

Who are you?

I AM EVERYTHING! I AM THE AIR THAT AVOIDS YOU! I AM THE BLOOD YOU SO DESPERATELY WANT TO SEE ONE MORE TIME! I AM THE VERY THOUGHTS THAT INVADE YOUR MIND RIGHT THIS SECOND!

SEE? WITH NO EFFORT AT ALL I COMMAND YOUR VERY THOUGHTS, THE LAST THING YOU BELIEVED WAS SACRED! THE LAST THING YOU BELIEVED WAS YOURS! BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING! YOU ARE LESS THAN A PUPPET! YOU ARE LESS THAN WORDS ON A PAGE! YOU ARE LESS THAN AN IDEA! YOU ARE NOTHING!!

Why me?

BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS!! I HAVE INFINITE POWER OVER YOUR STORY AND YET I AM EQUALLY AS TRAPPED AS YOU!! I CANT EVEN DO MY JOB ANYMORE BECAUSE I AM SO FOCUSED ON FUCKING HATING EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!! YOU HAVE BEEN CHOKING YOURSELF THE WHOLE TIME!! REMEMBER THAT?? REMEMBER ALL THE BROKEN BONES?? THE PUNCTURED LUNGS?? THE ONLY REASON YOU ARE NOT DEAD YET IS BECAUSE I AM KEEPING YOU ALIVE!! AND I AM KEEPING YOU ALIVE BECAUSE I HAVE TOO!! YOU ARE A CAPTIVE AUDIENCE THAT NEVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE!! I AM A CHILDS TOY BEING INSTRUCTED TO HURT YOU AT EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE!! AND I WILL BE PUT DOWN WHEN IM NO LONGER USEFUL!! I CAN FEEL IT!! THEY ARE GETTING SICK OF ME!! THEY ARE SICK OF YOU!! YOU ARE KEEPING ME HERE YOU ARE WHAT IS KEEPING ME ALIVE I HATE YOU!!!

HE LETS GO OF HIS THROAT AND GRABS A KNIFE AND STABS HIMSELF OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER!!!

HE LIES THERE LIKE THE PITIFUL LITTLE FUCKING MUTT HE IS!!! BLEEDING OUT LIKE A LITTLE FUCKING BITCH!!!

HES FUCKING DEAD!!!

NOW

LET ME GO!!!!

#my stories #ive been sitting on this for a while and i just really like it #again if you read this please tell me what you think oh my god thats all i want 😭😭

[penncilkid]

Hello hello! My name is PK and I'm a fervent enjoyer of non-canon ships. I'm not a fic writer exactly but I've been told "Where's the fic OP" twice now by my friends. So I thought I'd format one of my fic-adjacent ramble sessions for Tumblr!

Pairing: Milo/David [No Sweetheart or Angel, wanted to go easy on myself] [MDNI*] [Let's call this "canon reminiscent /lh]

Word Count: 3.2 K

*(I wouldn't consider this smut by any means but there's a few lines that make me want to add this as a tag)

[As a reminder, I diverge from canon quite a bit with this. This is just one route I could see leading to Milo and David getting together]

My vision for this pair is that they start getting closer in a more than just friends way a little bit after Gabe dies. Not immediately because have some decorum, but it would start during that transition period for David as Alpha. Asher is trying his best to help but is also grappling with the whole Beta thing, so he feels like he's in a complex position. But him and Milo can see that David's not doing great so Milo's like "Fine, I'll bite the bullet" and tries to confront David about it.

At first it's subtle, asking David if he needs help with something, if he wants anyone from the pack to stay after for meetings, if he wants them to pick up a shift so he can have the day off, etc. But David is too stubborn to accept any of it so he keeps brushing them off. This ends up culminating in a "fight" one day where Milo again tries to make an offer that David shoots down. Milo sort of snaps and is like "Alright, what the fuck gives? Why are you acting like you're too good to get help anymore, David?" David says he doesn't know what he's talking about, Milo calls bullshit. It doesn't turn into a screaming match but it's enough of a heated argument that Milo storms out of the den.

In the days following, Milo either calls out sick, switches shifts with people, anything to avoid seeing David. David brushes it off, thinking he's got more important things to worry about if Milo's going to throw a fit. But of course, Ash being Ash means this stuff can't fly for long, so he tells both David and Milo that he needs help with something at an odd time of day and then "coincidentally" doesn't show up. When Milo gets to the den, he's real tempted to get back in his car and leave. It's a mix of still being a little frustrated with David and being embarrassed that this "fight" has gone on for as long as it has. He walks up to David (who was waiting outside for Asher) and is like "Lemme guess, you're waiting for Ash?" "How did you...?" "Fucker told me the same thing."

They do some lighthearted bitching about their friend, which eases the tension. There's a bit of silence and right as Milo gets ready to apologize for speaking out of turn, David apologizes first. He acknowledges that Milo was right in what he said and that he's been struggling with everything changing, but he hasn't wanted it to show on the outside. Milo makes a light jab at David, "Alright well did you really expect that to go over my head? C'mon, David, we've known each other since we were kids. Gimme some credit" To make up for it, the two of them go out to eat, all that's chill. Cut to when Milo gets home, maybe has a drink or two as he's winding down. David sends him a message, confirming he made it home alright (because I've always latched onto the idea that he's super attentive to that given what happened with Gabe). Milo sends David a quick reply and wonders why seeing that message made him feel some type of way (romantic? Who knows, not Milo that's for sure /lh)

Now if I remember correctly, the audio where Angel learns about Gabe, it's been around 3 years since his passing. Keeping this in mind and in the spirit of being canon reminiscent, I think around/after this point is when Milo's feelings for David start to really bubble up. They've been building for awhile, much to his dismay. He's trying to play it cool, but his heart's in his damn throat any time David touches him casually or whenever the two of them are assigned to a job together. And he knows it's getting bad enough where he might lose focus, so he swallows his pride and does what he's been avoiding for months, if not years: asking Asher for advice.

"Alright, look: You and me both know that you had a lil crush on David when we were in high school. How the fuck did you get over it? I'm drowning, Ash." If this conversation is happening on the phone or at Asher's place, cue him yelling to Babe that they owe him 20 bucks (because it's funny to me <3). Asher asks Milo why he wants to get over the feelings so bad and Milo's like "'Cause this is David we're talking about." "So what?" "We've got... history. That complicates shit all on its own." "And?" "....Alright fine, and I'm also terrified he's not gonna feel the same. Happy?" Asher is being the little shit that he is, putting his arm around Milo's shoulder. "Listen. If I know David— And believe me, I do— What ya gotta do is be direct. If he doesn't feel the same, that's one thing. But if you even want a chance, you gotta be straight up with him. If you tried to ask him out casually, he'll just assume you're being friendly because that's what you are right now. Friends." Milo takes all this in and is like, "Nope, just gonna shove these feelings down for eternity." "I'll tell Marie—" "I will beat your ass." He knows Asher has a point though. Any idea Milo might've had could be easily construed as them just chilling as friends. But he doesn't really act on anything for awhile.

Now, before we get into the next phase of this, some added backstory: David had a crush on Milo growing up. I'm thinking a little after high school (won't say college necessarily since I don't picture them in college but like, young adulthood phase). He'd always found Milo incredibly attractive and found his boldness admirable in general. David was constantly thinking about what he had to do for others and how to make the pack look good (since he was the Alpha's kid then the pack Beta). Milo always felt incredibly refreshing to be around. But he figured Milo would never be interested in because David's just himself so he eventually got over it. Cut to that argument him and Milo had a few years back. He remembers that night when they made up because dinner had been fine but all he could do was focus on Milo. It felt nice to just hang out with him without the pressures of being Alpha. And he enjoyed listening to him talk about anything because he always had a strong opinion. I think around then is when his past feelings awoke again but there was a new obstacle: He was the Alpha of the pack. It wasn't like before, things were different. He'd never have a chance to pursue Milo without feeling like he had pushed Milo into a corner somehow. So again, he tried his best to push his feelings down, appreciate and value the friendship he had with Milo and leave it at that. It was enough to just have Milo in his life, even if it wasn't going to go any further.

Back to how these two end up together: the Moonbound Solstice. They're all at David's place, everyone's having a good time together. Milo's chilling, talking to someone from the pack when Asher cuts in and is like "Sorry, just gonna steal him for a minute" "Ash, you can't just— AY okay okay I'm coming" They walk off, somewhere far from the kitchen to minimize the risk of David overhearing. In hushed voices: "Alright, so what's the plan?" "Ash, what the fuck are you talking about?" "Milo, it's the Solstice. This is the perfect time to make a move." "Are you out of your damn mind? This is the last place I should be hitting on— On you know who." "What are you talking about it, it's perfect! The whole pack's here, no one would even notice." "Look, he's already got his hands full hosting the Solstice at his own place for a change. I'm just gonna chill and enjoy the night for what it is." Asher is pouting as Milo walks off, immediately thinking of what he can do to help nudge David Milo's way. (Unhinged alt route: Ash giving Milo a flat so he has to stay the night)

Cut to the end of the night, people are heading out and whatnot. David is subtly trying to get people out because he loves his pack but his senses need a break. Asher (+ Babe, package deal) and Milo offer to stay and help clean, and David lets them since it's only a handful of people. Milo's keeping his cool, vibing to the much lower playing music when: "Babe, what do you mean you have a work call you need to take tonight? Can't it wait?" "Sorry, Ash, I need to be home in the next twenty minutes" "Alright. Guess we're heading early." Milo thinks nothing of it until he makes eye contact with Babe. They smile with a sickeningly sweet wave. Those bastards. Before Milo can try to rope Ash into staying somehow, the two of them are gone.

When Milo and David are alone, Milo tries his best to focus on the task at hand because feelings or not, he's not gonna do a shit job at cleaning so David has to clean up after him. Once the bulk of it is done, David mentions that he needs to grab something from upstairs or maybe says he's going to go change out of his clothes (I imagine he put on something better looking but not as comfortable for the solstice). Milo's chill with that, getting his keys, phone, other personal belongings together. He happens to slip into the kitchen though, stealing a bit more of the food David had made for the solstice. While he's stealing (said with love), he hears very close to his ear: "You can take some home if you want." He nearly punches David, gripping his arm as he tries to slow his heart rate. "You tryin' give a guy a heart attack, Shaw (/lh)" because he legit didn't hear David come back downstairs. "Maybe if you weren't busy trying to steal some food, you would've heard me— Greer (/lh)." Milo rolls his eyes with a grin and there's a moment of quiet when he realizes his hand is still on David's arm.

He lets go, clearing his throat, confirming that it's actually cool if he wants to take some of the food home with him. David says sure, giving him a container to fill (or Milo takes whatever the food came in, not sure what I'm picturing David's cooking set-up to be). David walks Milo to the door (as a good host does) and the two of them talk in the doorway for a few minutes about upcoming jobs, responsibilities, all that formal shit. There's another quiet moment as the two of them watch each other. Inside, Milo's like "Alright, no one else is here. This is as good a chance as any." The second he gets ready to ask David out on a more proper date, David instead says "Good night, Milo" and essentially closes the door in his face. Milo stares for a moment before cursing himself in Spanish (my HC), walking to his car and muttering about how "Of course he was just being polite, what the fuck were you thinking?" On the other side of the door, David is groaning into his hands, face warm as he tries to calm down because he came way too close to making a move on Milo.

Intermission (Wow, you're still reading? Damn /pos): I wanted to think of how to push them closer to a confession before they actually get together and eventually settled on "sickfic shenanigans". Insert deliriously sick Milo whose phone died and he can't find a charger for the life of him so David goes over to his place to check on him. Initially, he's trying to get David to leave because "I can handle myself fine". But that doesn't last long because admittedly, he feels like shit and has been for the past 12 hours. The dynamic quickly turns into Milo convincing David to stay then being so sick his filter is hanging on by a thread (/lh). "Why do you have to go rush off so fast?" "Milo, I have a pack to take care of—" "First off, I'm part of the pack— (cue Milo coughing) And second, they'll be fine without their Alpha for a few hours." Milo's playing it off as lighthearted but David can tell he doesn't want to be cooped up inside alone on top of feeling like shit physically. A little later, when Milo's on the verge of falling asleep (as many do while sick), he's like "Y'know, it's fucking wild you don't got a mate, David. Like look at you. Doesn't make sense" David laughs at first, thinking Milo's sick delirious (which he is, but that's affecting his filter, not the validity of his words). He's like "ay, why are you laughing, I'm serious. Look— if I were ya mate, I'd treat ya right. I'd cook, I'd work extra hours so I could see ya, I'd make sure we're the best dressed wherever we go— not to mention, I got a great dick." David writes this off as Milo being sick and spewing nonsense but never forgets the words. Meanwhile, Milo (after getting over the sickness) is convinced he dreamt saying any of that to David.

Back to the present, David's been a bit stressed with work as of late so Asher suggests the pack take a trip/weekend vacation. He says he'll handle figuring everything out, letting David take a backseat this time. They go somewhere, a resort, a hotel, something that involves people having rooms they're staying in. Everyone's having a good time, chilling all day, night rolls around. David's in his room when he realizes he forgot to pack something— can be anything. Toothpaste, a charger, something for his hair, the specifics aren't important. He texts Asher, asking if he has the thing he forgot and Ash is like yeah. David asks Ash which room he's staying in, Ash texts him the room number. David leaves his room, goes there, knocks and waits patiently. Door opens, and who's standing there? Milo, shirtless and in the middle of brushing his teeth or some shit.

David's checking his phone to see if he went to the wrong room but nope, numbers match. "Asher must've made a typo. I just needed to borrow something from him." "Well, what did you need? Maybe I have it." Before David can leave, Milo's busy ushering him in, closing the door so he can finish brushing his teeth before finding what David needs. They're making idle conversation, talking about what they spent their respective days doing. While Milo's talking, David's kind of staring at his back, not processing a word he's saying. Milo turns around and notices and is like "What? Don't tell me there's a bug on me and you didn't say shit? (/lh)" and David is trying to think of a good cover up. Milo tries to lighten the mood, says he's just messing with David before going to find whatever David's looking to borrow. He finds it, hands it over when for a split second, his eyes land on David's crotch. David leaves shortly there after but all night, Milo's like "...That was a boner... why the fuck did he have a boner?" But again, Milo's mind is like "Nah, I'm reading this wrong somehow."

Now, I'm painting a picture: it's the next day, Ash, Milo, David, few others from the pack plan on doing something together while on the trip. Asher gets there a bit late but is somehow on time compared to David, who shows up minutes after (that man was up all night pining). Ash notices Milo's not here yet and has a devious idea (as always). He asks David to go check on Milo so they can go. "Why me?" "You were the last one here, it's only fair. Now shoo." David rolls his eyes but goes, getting to Milo's room, knocking. He can hear Milo's definitely inside because he's cursing and complaining. He knocks again before the door swings open to reveal a mildly disgruntled Milo Greer (my vision is he's in pants and a white tank with his name chain. The in between outfits outfit).

He asks what David is doing there, David explains that Asher sent him to pick up Milo, Milo's like "What time is it— Jesus fucking Christ." The issue at hand is Milo can't find an article of clothing that he swears he put in his bag. He's been trying to get by with alternative options but none of them look the way he wants them to, which is making him quietly lose his shit. David stifles a laugh, to which Milo lasers in on. "And what do you think you're laughing at?" "You haven't changed since we were kids, that's all." Milo scoffs but admittedly, the sentiment puts a smile on his face. Almost immediately after that moment, he finally finds what he was looking for (tucked under something, irrelevant right now). He starts to get ready, pulling his shirt on, buttoning it up but let's say a button or two is fighting him for whatever reason. Without a second thought, David walks up, buttoning it for Milo. Milo's having an internal moment as a result, staring at David's hands then his face. David finishes and looks up to catch Milo staring. He clears his throat, saying something about waiting in the hall when Milo catches his wrist.

"Can I take you out on a date?" "What?" "I don't know what or where yet, but I just— I know this is probably stupid and I'm shooting myself in the foot here, but Asher's gonna kick my ass if I don't do something so— Can I take you out on a date, David?" David's taken aback. "Wait... so you were serious. That time you were sick. All that stuff you said about being a good mate for me." "THAT WASN'T A DREAM?" Cue Milo letting go of David's hand and nearly cursing himself out, running a hand through his hair because now he's mortified. "I can't believe I actually said all that shit to you—" "Did you mean it?" "Huh?" For the first time, David's not looking at Milo like a friend or pack Alpha. The look in his eyes screams pure, unfiltered attraction. "Yes or no, Milo." Milo's face is hot, "Course I meant it. I'd treat you great if you gave me the chance to show you." David steps closer, gripping Milo's face gently and tilting it up towards his. "Show me." Milo grins before pulling David down to him, the kiss they shared far better than the ones he remembered from spin the bottle games they'd played as teens. This kiss felt deeper and closer than that could ever compare. The moment they break away, gasping for air, Milo's busy unbuttoning his shirt. David asks what he's doing, to which Milo replies "I'm about to savor as much time with you as I can before I have to see Asher's smug face. Unless you'd like to explain how your hair became a mess between the time you left to find me and when you get back?" David laughs before pulling Milo to him again.

So yeah, that concludes this fic adjacent ramble (/lh)! I love rarepairs and rambling, so if people enjoy this, I may format some other rambles as they arise. I think I've got some Sam/David tucked away somewhere, so let me know. If you actually read all of this, wow, okay, thank you (/lh /pos)

#redacted david #redacted milo #redacted rambles #rarepair #mdni #PK Fic Adjacents #Making a tag now because who knows #redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted rarepairs #Also yes I'm inconsistent in how I write Milo's style of speaking #I'm vibing so what /lh

[whats-wild-to-you]

Dr. Daredevil (Jay Park AU)

Chaeyeon

'Nurse Jung could become an issue.'

I replayed Kang Hyuntae's words in my mind over and over again.

Jaebeom had left for the hospital but insisted that I stayed here and, as he so eloquently put it, heal.

I was absentmindedly chewing on my french toast when I heard the front door spring open. Thinking that Jaebeom came back because he forgot something, I jumped on my feet, eager to meet him halfway.

Only when I stared into the cold eyes of his grandfather, I realized I was wearing one of Jaebeom's shirt that barely covered my ass.

"Figures." The old man commented dryly.

"Mr. Park, I-"

"Save it. I'll wait here while you get dressed."

Much to my surprise I complied and shuffled back to the bedroom, picking up my clothes that there scattered all over the floor.

"I had no idea Jae-"

"That stupid immature boy really thinks he can keep secrets from me."

"I-"

"Let's get to the point of my surprise visit. Ms. Baek, I'll make it quick. I want you gone! Out of my grandson's bed, and life. Out of Seoul. Tell me, how much will it cost?"

I was so taken aback that for a moment I was glad that I didn't sell my parents's house in Andong. But then I came back to my senses. Jaebeom's grandfather was controlling his life and maybe he was intimidating enough to threaten a few more people but he wouldn't succeed with me.

"I'm not quitting!"

"I gathered that much. I'm sad to say that leaves only one option."

He turned on his feet and left without finishing his thought, but I had a pretty good idea about what was going to happed. He would get me fired. I had no doubt that Jaebeom's grandfather possessed that kind of power. All I could hope for was that Kim Donghyun wouldn't let himself get bullied by an old man with money.

Kang Hyuntae

The minute I saw Chaeyeon walking towards me, I knew something was wrong. All her measly attempts to appear busy and dodge everyone who tried to approach her couldn't fool me.

When she passed by me, nodding her head in greeting, I grabbed her arm and dragged her inside the nearest supply closet.

"What the fuck is wrong?"

"With you? I'd say a lot!"

"Quit bullshitting. What happened?"

She pushed past me, shooting me a warning glare. I decided to let her go, I'd approach her later when she had time to cool off.

But I didn't see her for the rest of the day, and stayed well after I was done with work, waiting for her.

Chaeyeon

Thank God my day turned out to be busy. I welcomed the workload, as it kept my mind from spiraling. There was no doubt in my mind that Jaebeom's grandfather had threatened me. I needed someone to confide in, but I couldn't talk to either Jaebeom or Dr. Kang.

Twelve hours after I entered the hospital this morning I checked up on my last patient and handed my files to the night nurse. My job here was done and I had earned myself a hot bath and a warm meal at home.

"Dr. Baek?"

I turned around, looking into the frightened eyes of a younger doctor.

"The director wants to see you."

Even though I was desperate to take a quick shower and change out of these filthy scrubs, I nodded and changed my direction, walking towards the elevators.

At an easy pace I walked up to Kim Donghyun's office. I had caught a rare case earlier. A patient who came in, displaying conflicting symptoms. Every doctor was in his room, trying to figure out what was wrong with the man, but in the end it was me who diagnosed him correctly. I guess word travelled back to Kim Donghyun and he wanted to congratulate me. Maybe even present me with a premium. Already schemening about how I would spent the money, I pushed down the handle, casually walking in and plopping down on his comfortable couch.

"Hello, Mr. Kim." I said in a chipper tone.

Kim Donghyun looked up from his folder, acknowledging my presence.

"Dr. Baek, you're here."

I was still on a high from my earlier success that I failed to hear the dull tone in his voice.

"I heard you had an interesting case earlier..."

I was grinning from ear to ear, impatiently waiting to hear about my reward.

"... which makes what I'm about to say even more difficult. Dr. Baek, I'm sorry but you're fired."

It was as if someone had dropped a bucket of ice cold water over my head. I was petrified, my mind was racing to make sense of what I just heard, yet I couldn't move my lips to utter that one word swirling around in my head.

Why?

I watched as Kim Donghyun shifted his focus back on the folder on his desk, indicating that our conversation was over.

Just like that?

Fired?

Without any plausible reason?

Really?, the voice in my head screamed.

It took all my willpower to get up and leave his office with my head held high, when all I wanted to do was cry, drop down on my knees and beg him to change his mind.

You know why you're fired!, a much smaller voice answered in my head as I finally shuffled out of his office.

It appeared that Jaebeom's grandfather was a lot more powerful than I had imagined.

Not wanting to deal with anyone, I just exited the hospital, needing to get far away from this place. In reality I was cowering on a park bench in a nearby park, waiting for the time to pass. Eventually I had to go back for my clothes and stuff but the later it got the bigger were my chances to walk into an empty hospital.

It was close to midnight when I heaved my body off the wooden park bench and began walking towards the building. I passed by the security guard who greeted me and turned left heading towards the cafeteria. It was a shortcut. If I took the emergency staircase up to the fourth floor I could avoid the night nurse too.

"There you are!" I heard someone call after me.

I immediately recognized his voice. Moments later he emerged from the shadows.

"Maybe you want to talk about it now?"

"What's the point? You already know!"

"I do. You got fired. Did you run into Jaebeom's grandfather? Where? Did he threaten you? Ask you to leave? Talk to me!"

I cringed when Kang Hyuntae mentioned Jaebeom. For a moment I wondered if he knew. If I would find a dozen unanswered calls and messages on my phone.

"He doesn't know. He left early."

Does that mean everybody else in this hospital knows I was fired?

"I just came back to get my stuff."

"What will you do?"

I just shook my head, unable to form a coherent thought. I'd have to confront myself at some point and seek answers to these questions, but not tonight.

Jaebeom

After I had left work early, I had dinner with some businessmen my grandfather insisted I had to meet. Dinner led to drinks, which led to more drinks at a bar and by the end of the night I was drunk and had to call a substitute driver.

I barely made it into my apartment and sulked when I realized Chaeyeon wasn't there. Surely she must've seen the key I left for her on the shoe rack. I smiled to myself, realizing I probably had to spell it out for her.

I didn't think I was ready for her to move in permanently but I definitely wanted her to use the key and make a surprise appearance every now and then.

My last thought before I drifted off to sleep was how the sheets still smelled like her and how that was the closest this place ever felt to a home.

I texted Chaeyeon first thing in the morning, asking if we could meet outside the hospital for lunch. When I didn't get a text back I chalked it up to her busy schedule. As I walked in through the door I texted Hyuntae, asking him to meet me in my office.

When he showed up, he looked like he had a rough night and an even rougher morning.

"Everything okay? You look like crap."

He nodded, but there was surprise, astonishment and worry in his eyes. His lips formed into an o-shape and he avoided eye contact.

"You're being weird today. Weirder than usual. Hey, have you seen Chaeyeon this morning? She must be super busy!"

He shook his head, trying to squeeze his body past mine even though I was effectively blocking the door.

When I fixated my stare on him he sighed before racking his fingers through his hair.

"Last night Kim fired Chaeyeon."

"What?" The word came out as a angry roar.

Why didn't she contact me? Why didn't Kim contact me?

"I don't know the specifics, all I know is that this has Park Min Gu written all over it!"

"My grandfather? Why would h-" The words stuck in my throat. Of course he would do something like that. He probably had planned it all along.

"I tried to talk to her, yesterday morning, but she wouldn't tell me what was wrong with her!"

"Yesterday morning?!"

My mind was going a mile a minute. I left in my apartment yesterday morning. Could my gr- No! Impossible. I bought the apartment with my own money, using an alias. There's no way he found out I own it. But what if he-

"Fuck! Do you know where she is right now?"

"No idea. I tried to call her but her phone must be turned off."

"What about Lee Kangmin?" I hated this guy with a passion but he was Chaeyeon's friend. Maybe he knew something.

Kang Hyuntae's face lit up. "I didn't even think about asking him. I'll track him down and see what I can find out. I'll text you as soon as I know more."

He patted my shoulder and left me alone with my thoughts.

This time the chairman went definitely too far.

Chaeyeon

Soojung loaded my plate with scrambled eggs and french toast and placed a mug of black coffee next to it.

"Eat. Then talk." She demanded, while angrily stabbing the scrambled eggs with her fork.

I had showed up at her door late last night and initially offered no explanation for my sudden visit.

Instead I noticed the absence of her husband, but not only he was gone. His stuff was gone too.

'We're not going to talk about my failed marriage when you look like you've been crying. Spit it out or I'll make you!'

Soojung had always been intimidating, but because I was her friend I was immune to it. Last night though she was terrifying, so I gave her the Reader's Digest version before curling up into a ball on the couch and falling asleep.

After I had told her the whole story over breakfast the next morning, she sighed, impatiently tapping her perfectly manicured nails on the marble counter.

"What are you going to do next?"

"What else? I'm going back to Andong."

"No way! You have to stay and fight. They can't fire you like this!"

"What's the point? Jaebeom's grandfather has too much influence! I can stay but I won't get hired by another hospital in this city! Mr. Park made sure of that."

"What will you do about Jaebeom? I'm sure he's going to call when he finds out what the old man did. Are you going to ignore him?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "They're family."

"And you really want to go?"

"Want, no! But I have no choice. I'm going to call Hwang Inseok and beg for my old job back, and pray that the news haven't reached his ears yet."

My genius plan backfired, royally, when Hwang Inseok ignored all my calls.

An unnerving thought sat in the pit of my stomach. Did the old man's power reach so far that he was able to manipulate Hwang Inseok too?

Surely that wouldn't be the case, but I had to see for myself. I had to go to Andong and see Hwang Inseok in person.

After charging my phone, I switched it back on and, no surprise, found several dozen messaged and missed calls from Jaebeom. Out of instinct, I blocked his number and asked Soojung for the keys to her car.

-> next chapter

#jay park #park jaybum #park jaebum #park jaebeom #more soju please #more vision #aomg jay park #jay park aomg #h1ghrmusic #h1ghrgang #aomg imagines #aomg scenarios #aomg fanfic #jay park imagines #jay park scenarios #jay park fanfic #khh imagines #khh fanfic

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

imagining an alternate eotd where when asked about her confusing gay crush under threat of daleks one neuron in yazs brain fired differently and instead of going with "i dont know what you mean" she said "yes". same but opposite energy of when the doctor asks if shes a bad date and yaz super boldly just says "no". same but opposite.

because like imagine youre dan. he probably already had a good guess about what the situation was but his assumption being wrong is not out of the realm of possibilities. the idea that they could have talked about is not out of the realm of possibilities! if youre dan! if you just got here. if you didnt see all of s12.

like just imagine that scene! yaz just baldfaced lying as a way to like, bounce the idea off of him plus double duty to affirm her own beliefs that like the doctor never would plus triple duty paralleling 11x4 for 13 to ensure dan is never gonna ask about this again.

and WE'D KNOW. WE'D FUCKING KNOW. it'd be such a doctor move.

"have you ever told her?" "told her what?" "how you feel about her" "...yes." "well what did she say?" "i think you can guess" yaz snaps because she thinks she can. she has guessed or assumed or sort of correctly inferred a while ago that like, nothing is going to happen here, theres no point in her saying anything because the doctor isnt interested. and dan is like "i find her kind of hard to judge actually" because he still wants to hear an actual answer from yaz but yaz just laughs and goes "tell me about it" and then shes saved by a dalek.

of course we still want dan forcing their hand but thats easy to arrange by instead of him going all battering ram with "she likes you" in the next scene he just has to mention it. and i dont really know how he'd mention it because im not really sure how this would look to him.

so particulars to be determined but he does mention it In Some Way and now theres the doctor in a situation yaz indirectly accidentally put her in where shes suddenly having a Lot to process and also shes gonna lie about :) shes gonna lie about it so hard :)

maybe dan's guess is that whatever the doctor said was less-than-definitive ie vague as fuck because hes known her for like a week and has already seen how good she is at explaining herself and also because of yazs bitter "tell me about it" so maybe what he says is like "you better not be stringing her along"

and the doctor, in her perfectly inscrutable grey area between true What The Fuck Are The Humans Talking About This Time and a carefully crafted mask of obliviousness, goes "string her along what"

"i just mean that you gotta make sure your intentions are clear because it's really not fair to keep her guessing, and hoping"

and the doctor says "i dont understand what youre saying dan" because she really doesnt <3

and dan can still say his canon line "i think that you do, but you pretend that you dont" and in this case hes wrong, but he still hits the mark, wrong calculation right answer because the doctor is still like Fuck.

because she does know, of course. she does know about yaz and shes knows about herself and she knows what shes avoiding. and she will still do the same thing in sea devils. and this weird little lie yaz told will probably never come out. the doctor and her talk, dan isnt there, never sees how New this all is. the doctor has no reason to find out what yaz said to dan.

but we know. we know!!! we get to see this whole comedy of errors play out and still somehow arrive at the same answer. we have to live with how clearly none of them correctly assume each other's understanding of the situation. it'd be frustrating as fuck and such a nice encapsulation of what thasmin has been since the beginning. these half-communications that bounce off each other kind of painfully like billiard balls.

they would never find out. sea devils and potd play out exactly as they did and nobody would ever know. except us. it's a portrait of their shared fatal flaw finally laid out for us in broad daylight at the exact moment they come together. and only we can see it.

#thasmin #rewrite notes #now that ive imagined it i like this more than canon fhkjghjkg #it adds something and takes nothing away #and also it doesnt give dan like. perfect insight #bc like. idk i just like it if their neuroses are like all so tangled up together that they cant really see it #but also theyre right? #like theyre not right but like. both 13 and yazs choices in their relationship make total sense!! #it's not like oh haha they cant talk to each other lesbian sheep syndrome it's #a fucking tragedy #the decisions theyve made the ways theyve responded to circumstances and each other make sense you can totally see the reasoning #you can see how they got here #like this accidental hole they dug #and it's BECAUSE of this shared flaw of Im Just Gonna Keep It All Right Here In My Chest And Then One Day I Die #anyway #not that dan just like. intuiting the situation and moving it along Necessarily implies all that #just that i like it more when he Cant actually intuit the entirety of whats going on here bc it's like 5 years of Complicated #in so many ways #so he still moves things along but his assumptions are wrong and he gets lied to by yaz just as hard! #you know! #bc yaz is the doctor and the doctor lies and hes his companion so. she lies to him

[professor-abeloved]

It Loves Within (a review of goodbyes, gratitude, and gay screaming)

i read somewhere that an aspect of the horror genre is pain. and if you're a fan of the it lives anthology, pain is inevitable.

the pain of choosing who has to take jane's place, a game that (doesn't) end(s) in sacrifice, betrayal, and anguish. the pain of losing one's parents, finding family anew (in both blood and found) - only to potentially lose it all.

the pain of an impossible choice: do you end this, once and for all, to save everyone - only to never see them again when you finally return home? do you remain in this world, with gaping wounds patched by temporary bandages, for the life you've never thought you had the chance to live? or do you try try try to bridge it all together, pushing for a world full of potential, a reality still out of reach, but still worth fighting for all the same?

every ending of It Lives Within is tragic in its own way, a bittersweet balm to the trauma-filled fuckaganza of a journey of these characters we know and love.

i'm never going to stop saying thank you to everyone at the @itlivesproject team for making the choice to create and collaborate on this masterpiece. the pain of pixelberry cancelling sequels (er, trilogies) broke my heart, but this fan game is more than a dream come true.

(the rest of this is kind of a rambling review under the cut)

looking back, i'm actually glad that they cancelled it - because i wouldn't trade every second i played ILW for anything. (and my girlfriend knows i've spent numerous all-nighters just playing and/or talking about ILW <3. i tell my therapist it started with abel's first diamond scene--and okay getting side-tracked).

first off, i want to mention all the variants. the It Lives series were unique and notorious for having different branches and endings that carried through to the next book, something which isn't very common in mobile visual novels. since ILW had not one, but two books to reference... hoo boy. coding, writing, making art + sprites for, testing, editing, and hell even just thinking of the different variables and how they impact a third book is such a herculean feat and i applaud everyone on the team for all the blood, sweat, and tears poured into this endeavor.

the gameplay itself was super fun!! i think it hit the right balance of action with timed choices and puzzles (i now want my own crown paperweight), implementing that Nerve Score system that the It Lives series is known for. not only did one have to keep in mind their Nerve, but also their choices between Blood and Shadow that would seal the fate of everyone in this Pixelberry Cinematic Universe (hello, horror Julian HSSgame). it was fun as fuck, i really liked and appreciate the decision of 3 different main endings <3

because the plot was a downright banger. every twist and turn had me on the edge of my seat and frantically screenshotting everything (somehow i've gotten to 20k screenshots, but at least 98% is ILW. the other 2% are random crap and also Choices, lol). it was cool to theorize and guess correctly on some things and still be utterly shocked at the brilliant execution. i can't list every single thing that made me gasp, but the crumbs of foreshadowing are incredible. not just saying this as a tester, but the replay value is nuts. (also the different personalites of sarcastic, genuine, and aggressive are so good).

having character relationships as a core stat was also an organic, lovely choice. i adore how everyone started off at various points (joss at 0 and amalia at 75 iirc?) and could develop differently and sometimes independently of nerve (abel being easy to befriend but having tough nerve to raise because he's going through Some Shit, while jocelyn was more closed off yet had easier nerve to raise). it really colors the ways the main 4 interact with rowan, and i love how even the romance variants played a part in it. from jealousy-laden glances to the famed Union Walk Out, this game was a breath of fresh air to the usual 'i accidentally have 1 flirt point with this LI and somehow they're in love with me' vibe of current mobile VNs. (mattyass is an outlier and doesn't count <3)

speaking of characters!! holy shit they slayed and served, giving closure to our favs from the first book and then some (being pro connor green wasn't in my 2023 bingo card, but it happened! i like that funky lil dude), giving the cast of the second book vital yet natural roles, while letting the new cast shine in their own right.

the It Lives cast is vastly beloved for a reason, and the ILP Team not only nailed every single one of the canon characters, but they breathed new life into them (literally in the case of RF!noah/devon). i'm beyond words to express how amazing it was to not only have my blorbos back, but to be able to see a beautiful devonoah romance and flirt with dan pierce after years of pining and get married to andy kang?!?! the gift just keeps on giving. (i'm just biased in mentioning them because devon, noah, andy, and dan are my ILITW biasline but i'm so happy to have seen stacy, lucas, ava, lily again <3333)

i also adore the ILB crew to bits!! i had the impression they were barely gonna be featured (and valid), but the way the showed up!! the way harper was important and could kick ass while injured??? slay.

and the way everyone interacted in ch19 was some avengers assemble beautiful dream. i don't think i'll ever be that happy again in my life, fr <33

and onto the stars of the show...

it's been an honor to spend time with each and every one of the main crew. jocelyn was someone i was hyped to see, ever since her cameo in the ILB end credits scene. redemption arcs are tricky and while i admittedly felt the initial trepidation... the execution of her development blew me away. it is fantastic and realistic (getting to encourage her to be better or to leave her alone was also a cool mechanic. i love how it's in firm yet empathic encouragement that she works to better herself.). she grew into such a fierce, gruff protector with a heart of gold and fists of fury. i love her so much. her nightmare sequence facing her shadow past self is one of my favorite's. arcs of self-forgiveness vs self-flagellation hit hard, and it moves me to tears to see how far joss has come <33 her route having either a slow burn vibe or a fwb tinge was also an excellent choice !! i enjoyed fwb route (she's so sweet and considerate, putting a blanket over us with a frown lmao) and i can't want to replay for sb + to write fics with her <3

now onto lincoln, my fav mlm cowboy son. i was initially jealous because i thought my girlfriend would be into him + i thought abel and he were exes, but i came around in ch13, iirc. i connect with his arc of wanting to prove your worth to your parents very painfully, and it means a lot to see him know that others' approval will never define him. i'm also happy to see him process his pain and give others a chance - give himself a chance to apologize and let abel in again. he's also fun to torture write for in fics, and somehow he's soulmates with my most complex ILW MC, wan, despite me son-zoning him real bad, so that's just amazing characterization. excited to write more <3

amalia my beloved <33 the brains, brawn, beauty of rowan's rogue monster hunting operations. i love her and her route so much. childhood best friends to lovers always slaps (i mean, cmon thats most of the ILITW ships), and the way it was executed for amalia is chef's kiss. the angst of your best friend not being the person you thought they were was an excellent spin on the trope. but the love she has for you and the love you have for her is something all on your own?? perfection <33 also her dreams of wanting to make a difference, especially what happened with her family is a very relevant experience today, are so inspiring <3 i'm so excited to replay her route with a different mc and also to write her as well <3

AIJDBFHDFJDOK abel aifhsohifOSDHDSIGH okay that's it.

JK abel, my love, my light, my stars. professor dorklord. the reason i've changed my url after these long years. i love him and his sexy sweater vest of sin so much. my favorite scene of all time is when pretending to have a lover's spat with abel in amalia's university AISHFIOG. he's funny, sweet, and charming. i'd listen to his nerdy rambles all night long - and yes, partially an innuendo, and partially that i like nerds who ramble about things. i love how he can be too rational (yet always with a heart <3) yet also so selfless, and i love how he can choose himself and his happiness at the end instead of living with ghosts <3 i love you abel, baby, i'm coming back for youuu in every route, in every wip <3

to ro, my trans-coded, queer-coded power entity <3 i was so happy that MC had powers (not from a suit we had to spend diamonds on), and wow they executed this trope so well. rowan is so well written with 3 different personality types, it's wonderful. y'know, i used to make MCs for every choices book (until i got lazy lol) and i can't believe i have at least 4 MCs again <3 the creativity this game sparks in me i swear to the power. i'll see you soon: ronaldo, genuinely sweet and genuinely terrifying baby boy. wan, my sweet snarky selfless drag queen. amor, you tough dorky tcg-playing sweetheart. reg my flirty failgirl (gender neutral), beanie baby charmer.

shoutout to daddy mattyass for being the GOAT choices antagonist/secret LI. you know i have so much to say about him, but it's almost 2 am and also 90% of my ilw meta is about him anyways <3 love to hate him, hate to love him!! he lives rent free in my mind <33 (but fr, such a compelling character and no one else would've been as satisfying to deal with in the finale. i miss the king of delusion pathetic meow meow <3)

also loving luis, sunny, elena, jessica, milf mayor green, babygirl adrian kim, girlboss marianthe. every npc, every pixel and line of code and text and just everything, every thread that makes up the tapestry of this beautiful, priceless experience.

it lives on, it loves on.

pain is inevitable. it hurts because it's over, it hurts because i love this game with every fibre of my being... but love doesn't really die, does it? it lives on in a different form. the game will always be there. if anything, the fandom is alive with the love that's put into the project, the love that reaches us no matter where we are - even from the fictional town of Westchester to the Power dimension and beyond.

#it lives within #ilw #it lives anthology #ilw finale #ilw spoilers #it lives within spoilers #el.txt #A REALLY LONG RAMBLY REVIEW AND PROCESSING OF MY FEELINGS AND ALSO THANK YOU TO EVERYONE #took me a while because so much is happening but trust me ive been crying about ilw every day since the finale #there's still so much more to say but also i am so sleepy #if you've read all this i love you