#no life drawing classes no nOTHING

[ringaroundtheroses]

He wants to order.

#ldshadowlady #smallishbeans #mcyt #as u cna see from ym last post im normal about them #eh might as well tag #life series #rose draws #nothing gets u to draw like boring uni classes amen

[mihai-florescu]

Im at a point in life where im emotionally dependant on a very specific pastry and now im reasoning with myself that i am ok with waking up tomorrow if i go buy myself one. The "save me *thing* save me" meme is not a joke to me it's very real. Save me cheese spiral from the supermarket near school save me

#i tried drawing. um. worst experience of my life. literally have less than zero progress as in i ended up deleting everything i made tonight #and giving up on the sketches from class too #fuuuck who knew that if u dont draw for months you lose the skill. whatever #I CANT EVEN BUY THE PASTRY ACTUALLY I NEED TO PAY MY TUITION WITH MONEY THATS NOT IN MY ACCOUNT... #i need 400 euros more and a pastry is like less than 2 tho. its not making a difference #everything will work out tho nothing is as big of a problem as it seems. i just need to sleep

[simcardiac-arrested]

free time acquired means i immediately open whiteboard and draw failpeople

#while drawing this i remmebered that watch’s original concept was that he was supposed to be like. a really strict senior #quite religious and traditional and etc etc … kind of stuck up too #now he’s just a fail <3 beautiful. The world is healing #he’s like the most pathetic senior ever and he is sooo not jealous of The Literal Better Version Of Himself nuh uh #meanwhile emerge is just kind of like. they’re just chilling. they rarely speak and can be quite intimidating and they use that for #Senior Duties. but they’re not even aware that people might be scared of them or not like them. they’re so oblivious #they’re just having the time of their life doing their job #literally no one respects or listens to watchful eye and it kills me. he’s so losercore #oc: watchful eye #oc: in case of emergency #oc: betwixt umber gleaming #she is so silly to me. Just fucking around and messing shit up for people. so true for that #oc: forget me not #hold on i have to go look up what this mf’s name is cuz i do notttt remmeber it #oc: homebound oddly magnanimous everlife #so weather autism so rain autism. i like them #sorry no drc aka rainbow aka darcy. she’s also dead to the world because of different autism #i drew her in class today if that counts #AUEHGGHH MY ORGANS #m fine. nothing js happening to me #myart

[freckledgeto]

nothing worse than art block when the only trait u have is being an artist

#🌙.txt #like it’s the only thing i have going for me and now i just cant do it for two weeks that’s crazy #irritated with everything i drew i spent all day drawing just to delete the whole thing at the end of the day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #and my stupid design class assignments have been fuckinf me up too like i have no thoughts no ideas nothing at all my brain is not working #maybe it’s the stress maybe it the self hate and judgement maybe it’s the fear that this is what ive chosen to do for the rest of my life #idk. but not doing it isn’t making any of that any better. whatever #sorry

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#guess whos back in therapy bby 😎 #the lady i saw was nice. 1st appointments r always a lotta blah blah blah so much to cover #and im always like bleh whatever im not that bad but when u put it all down on paper it is sorta a lot lol #i got the comment. hm u seem to kno a lot abt the dsm. and like listen. i have been meticulously categorizing my problems for the last 4 #years. and i like to learn so ya kno. also said yea it sounds like u r having hypomanic episodes. #and asked if bipolar was a possibility and like if i was bipolar that would absolutely blow my god damn mind. im pretty sure its just pmdd #but whatever. im open to the possibility. mostly i wanna hear someone else perspective on this #i feel like im collaborating on a project. like gimmie ur notes i wanna see if were on the same track. bc im insane like that #i always feel bad when they apologize for asking invasive questions. like neh its fine. i got nothin to hide and i dont give a fuck #also i told a class of my peers that my distraction from research is drawing narut0 fan art. again bc i do not #give a single fuck. Professors response: hopefully we get to see it some day. bro. if u ask me i will show u. i do not care #i mean. probably nothing too weird but i feel like most of my stuff is safe to share. i just come off looking like a weeb i guess #but yea back in therapy bc my mum reminded me bc the ppl around me irl r also worried for my well-being based on my behavior lol #i mean its just bc i complain that im in like psychological pain a lot. so lots and lots of bitching abt my brain ^^ #the lady i saw did fall a lil bit into my trap. like what woulf ur life look like if u had everything under control? bc it seems like ur #here and ur starting a phd what more do u want? and im like mwahaha but u see i can do school #i can do school so good. i am the best at school and thats it. i am otherwise barely functional #so i can be successful on paper and dysfunctional when it comes to having a life :-] #but whatever. well see what she wants to follow up on next week bc i threw a lot at her #also went to my office for the 1st time. it is really nice to sit in a working lab and watch ppl interact. but also i do feel like im #dying if i try to sit in that room with 2 other ppl lol. so well see how it goes. i may find somewhere else to hide #unrelated

[qilinkisser]

uuuUUGHGHGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

#vents 🌧️ #I'm so fucking MAD #I've been seeing SO many fucking valentines day drawings today and I wanted to join in so badly #but I have my stupid fucking homework #and my mom said that if I get my homework done I can have 'a few minutes' of time #A FEW FUCKING MINUTES #yeah. great. so I can make a shitty doodle that nobody bothers to interact with #on the ONE fucking day I was hoping to get some attention #is that selfish? yeah it absolutely is. but I don't care. everybody's so fucking sick of me in real life #is it so bad that I want everyone to see me here? everyone to tell me how good I'm doing #I just want people to tell me I'm doing a good job #I'm failing all my classes in school. I have a terrible social life. I fall asleep constantly and I'm never fun to be around irl #all my parents do is nag me to do the homework I have no willpower to do and yell at each other outside my door #I'm doing a really shitty fucking job in real life. maybe if I got some imaginary fucking internet points I'd feel a little better #I don't care if it's selfish. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel admired. I want everyone to see me and think I'm doing so good #I've got nothing else. art's the last thing I'm good at. it's so fucking over for me. this is it. #it's rock bottom isn't it? my meds still aren't working. my dad is relentless in his anger. my mom is at her wits end #my friends at school give me maybe half of the love I give them if I get really lucky #my teachers are so fucking tired of me #who the fuck gives a shit anymore. this all feels so fucking pointless #who cares about regents or sats or college or jobs or anything. that's it. I give up. this is it for me. #I don't know how it's supposed to get better. #I'm so fucking sorry. I'm liveblogging an absolute spiral on here. I'm so sorry #if you read all the way down to here.. I'm not in trouble. I'm not going to do anything bad. you don't have to worry about me. #I'm just. so. tired. #I should probably delete this later.

[meggie-moo]

guys…be honest do you also sometimes forget that i’m an art account

#THIS IS A JOKE #but i fr hardly post any art LEOSKWKD #okay to be fair this time it’s because my drawing class in school is semi murdering me #it is *nothing* like the trials art school kids have to go through #BUT IM GOING THROUGH JT OKAY </3 #i habe to draw in class for like over four hours #and then have a bunch of homework LOL #the professor slays so hard though so far #and it is fun!! but i suck at anything that isn’t anime people and it’s pretty much all realism still life LOL #so i’m struggling but i will leave better than before >:) #meg’s incoherent thoughts

[samgiddings]

☹️.jpg

#med mumbles #I’ve been so overwhelmed by life and I just found out I passed the class I had to retake #which made me happy but now I’m overwhelmed by the realization I have to move away again :( #also my art has been crap lately which makes me sad #nothing I draw is turning out

[yellowistheraddest]

so bored of this project noone is getting along and we all wnat to go home so its honestly very rude that time is going real slow - so inconsiderate

#i want to draw my silly little guys all my life idc about this shiit #personal #free me someone just come in a car and pick me up and we can flee to the beach and stay there until we are buried by the sand #girls im so booredd and nervous for the presentation aajaaaaa #i literally have nothing to do so im just writing here to look busy #everyone is on their phone in dead silence #yay?? #honestly props to my uni for making me think this project was worth doing - it wasnt (at least with my team) #i kinda planned the entire thing and its was lame and noone in my group had enough gall to be 'hey we should do something better' because - #we are all spineless but at the same time extremely passive aggressive to one another #look at least im gonna get a sub (ik such class) today as a reward for not snapping #anyways gtg because i have nothing else to say smilleeeeee

[cloudbends]

Drawing hasn't been going well for like months but at least I baked today. 👍

#vi rambling #sucks so fucking bad how nothing i do creatively while studying comes out well. but. well in a month im done (for a while) #its just frustrating i sit down to try and every time im just reminded of how many things i cant draw or do . ugh #<- dumbass who has never been to an art class other than a still life one that was not good. its ok one day ill learn #well anyways yeah sorry for not posting art for months.. i wanna draw so many things but nothing comes out right. #also the cake turned out very well. almonds and blueberries <3 and even homemade peach iced tea.. realness

[myname-isnia]

The day I found out people actually find writing and drawing and generally creating art enjoyable is the day my perception of the world broke

#it was just over a year ago when I was doing group art classes #we were painting a vase and flowers. y’know. as you do in art class #and the teacher stopped what I was doing and said I was being too technical #I was trying way too hard to get it exactly right #we’re not aiming for 100% realism. academical paintings are built on exaggerating a few things and playing with colours #I was supposed to let go and enjoy myself and have fun doing it #it was supposed to be relaxing #(literally quoting here) #and I sat there like.. borderline hysterical #WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE RELAXING #WHAT DO YOU MEAN Y’ALL DON’T THROW FITS OVER DRAWINGS NOT BEING PERFECT #AND LOSE YOURSELF IN JEALOSY BC THE PRETTY GIRL YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON THAT SITS NEXT TO YOU IS SO MUCH BETTER AT ART THAN YOU #AND YOUR MOM WON’T STOP COMPARING YOU TO HER BC HER MOM DOES NOTHING BUT BRAG ABOUT HOW GOOD SHE IS #I’M SUPPOSED TO ENJOY IT????? #it’s been over a year and it hasn’t gotten easier #I stopped being openly upset in class bc like I said I liked a girl there and didn’t want her to think I was pathetic #but good god did I feel pathetic #and it’s the same with writing #I don’t get jealous over it bc I don’t watch people not struggle with it in real life like in art class #but yeah… when I started seeing those writer positivity posts like #‘it doesn’t matter if it’s self indulgent or cringe or bad. what matters is that you enjoyed writing it’ #and that’s the thing #I have never. in my life. enjoyed writing something #which sounds insane but it’s true. writing is frustrating and anger inducing and most of the time I hate it #both the process and the end result #I realised that I create for selfish reasons. I write and draw because I like reading comments and reblog tags. not because I enjoy it #and it’s not even worth it bc I barely get any feedback on my work anyway. I’m into way too niche things for that #it’s why I can never get any writing done. I say I’m tired or busy or burnt out or have writers block. all lies. every single one #I just can’t force myself to do things I hate. but I keep lying to myself that I like them bc that’s what I based my personality around #maybe I should just quit instead of whining about it all the time like a fucking toddler. wouldn’t be that big of a loss

[yellow-yarrow]

i miss going to uni so bad, i wish i could study more but i already used up almost all of my free uni years (i went to uni for 5 years). i could technically become a university teacher but the salary is extremely low and i dont like to talk in front of big groups of people... well, at least i dont have to learn useless subjects anymore

#I went to art school but had to take some kind of quality control class that had nothing to do with what i was studying #oh and i did not like design class. i had to memorize the designers of so many chairs...i forgot all of it after #i miss aesthetics and art history so much. and the animation classes. and life drawing classes

[toastedstencils]

how odd faces are to draw

#it was weird coming to a class and relearning everything I thought I knew #I knew nothing let’s be real #myart #yes that first drawing is sza and a Pinterest lady #illustration #face #faces #charcoal #life drawing #art studies #art school #sketch #sketchbook #anatomy

[southern--downpour]

Fucked up that i haven't had time to draw because of how much i've been drawing

#college art classes man #shut up virgil #like its worth it! i regret nothing! but still would like to have energy to draw things OTHER than still lifes and geometric lines

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#let me express to u perhaps The frustration of my life #i like to learn. it is perhaps my favorite thing. new information. more more more constantly #but. my fucking brain is the fucking worst. because im not fucking stupid if i can focus and process the words being said i can understand #many things. i like to learn about math and physics and chemistry and biology and anatomy... ect concepts #but the focus and the processing of words is where we have problems. because i cannot focus for more than like 5min #i blink and suddenly ive been spaced out for a sec and need to reorient. i cant prioritize what to do 1st and im constantly bouncing betwee #tasks so nothing ever gets done and im too intimidated to start learning things. and when im trying to learn we habe the processing words #problem. like my reading comprehension is so fucking bad. like i will read a book on paper and maybe retain 25% of the info if im not #hardcore trying. for a class where i had to do a ton of paper reading. i had to read everything out loud to myself. highlight important #info. write myself a summary based on the highlights and then read the paper again before i could even begin to feel comfortable in #discussions. it was so fucking frustrating and miserable. ppl will give me physical books and im like thanks i cant fucking read sorry #too fucking dyslexic. read and listen they say. u have to read and listen at the same time bc i cant pay attention and i cant read #so if i do both then maybe the info gets in. thats y i have to read aloud but i hate it and still get distracted #i mean. i probably just have an attention problem. its also really annoying that my short term working memory is so awful #bc in order to make things make sense i have to draw or write them out. i cant judt go off the top of my head or i get stuck saying thr sam #thing over and over and over. its like my ability to think is extremely shallow. but thrn i read papers and recognize concepts from classes #i took years ago and im like. fucking y cant i know what i know? my head feels so empty but info is in there somewhere #its just so fucking frustrating that i love understanding systems so much. complex annoying little systems that fit together like a puzzle #and my fucking brain refuses to accept the information im trying to get in there. so i return to a remark left on my dyslexia assignment: #intelligent when not constrained by language or time. thanks. unfortunately language is how ppl communicate #also i freak out under time pressure lol. anyway ive just been reading papers for fun this weekend and remembering y i dont: bc its agony #but also i fucking love the concepts so much and i need a good understanding of photosynthesis before August when i join a photosynthesis #lab lmao. ugh. i love learning but my brain was not buildmt #built for it. if only if only someone could podcast about the obscure things im interested in while reading directly from the source #unrelated #also its like 105 degrees plus. its too fucking hot out #thats like 40 degrees C. the sun is like a death ray

[ayakinari]

you ever just

#duck rants about something #hoooooo man. why did all my motivation and ability to create go out the window as soon as i finished that valk piece #i cant draw. i dont know what to draw i knew what i had to draw but i cant. put it on canvas #cant go in an art block now of all times theres less than one month and a half until finals and i need some sort of portfolio put together #by then and. i am Still exhausted i thought !! it was getting better but nope i am still incredibly fatigued by Everything #and to make matters worse its thursday tomorrow meaning the classes i dislike the most i just want to lie down for 10 years maybe i dont kn #maybe pursuing art as a career was a bad idea. maybe im not fit for this but im already over a year into this art school and i dont want to #waste the money my family's put into letting me go to this school #and i absolutely love it here the teachers are nice and my classmates are cool and i made friends for the first time in years #but god if i havent been in the worst headspace of my life this past year. #well this year was going a bit too well for me in terms of art i had a steady pace of imrpoving and trying out new things but now its just #i cant do anything. no matter what i doodle or sketch or just let my hand do whatever nothings coming out and it terrifies me #maybe im being dramatic! i know someone would say im being just that #god i dont want to go to class tomorrow either im not in the mood for a religious lecture but ive already skipped the past two weeks #keep it up any more than that and itll probably result in a call to my parents #my parents are probably gonna call me later tonight anyways. should get it together til then #maybe i need a nap. maybe i need to go outside and take a walk and look at a bug. maybe i just need to go out in a field and scream #auhgh but i need to draw i need to make Something i cant halfass something the way i did last semester and barely pass #and now im getting dizzy just typing this out thanks brain #ill probably delete this later i just really need to. hhghghhhgh please let me draw. please let me make something or anything at all #i dont know what id have if it isnt art. #ive always been mediocre at everything in my life the only thing giving me peace of mind is drawing #if thats all im good for then what even use am i without it #and sure! maybe im actually not that good at it! maybe my artstyle is uninspired and boring maybe im just wasting my time!!! #but i still love it immensely i love making my silly characters i love drawing out my dumb stories i love just. #making things and being okay at it. maybe. am i actually good at this probably not. maybe im also mediocre at this and just kidding myself #sorry for being emotional on a wednesday. must be the curse #anyways