#no coherent thoughts sorry only aaaaa

[bedoballoons]

Request!!! If I may~ How will they propose? 💍 For Lyney, Xiao, Wanderer, Albedo, Cyno, Kazuha, Tighnari, Kazuha, Heizou, Wrio, Kaveh, Alhaitham~ (feel free to remove some characters or split it if its too much to do at once :3)

Currently in wedding mood and brainrotting about how will the proposal go. Aaaaa 🥰🥰

~🦊🐾✨️

I love writing wedding proposals, they just are so beautiful and full of love, I hope you enjoy! <3

P.s. I did cut out alot of them but I will most likely make a second part!

─⊰⁠⊹ฺ🍂𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ🍂

{༻~Will you marry me?~༺}

CW: Very fluffy! (Pet names: Lyney: Mon amour, Albedo: My love, Wanderer: dummy, Kazuha: Butterfly)

(Includes: Lyney, Albedo, Xiao, Wanderer, and Kazuha!)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

𑁍༄Lyney:

Lyney held up a card for you, but it wasn't like any of the others in his deck, in fact it wasn't even one you'd ever seen before, "Ooo did you get new cards Lyney? I thought I'd seen all your trick ones!" He chuckled softly, knowing full well that the card in your hands was not only one of his tricks...but also his whole heart, "This ones particularly special Mon amour, watch~"

You trained your eyes on the card, paying close attention as his hand waved over it, just like magic, the picture changed...showing nothing but a ring, a beautiful ruby ring. You weren't sure what it meant, if this was a trick of the eyes...or possibly a moment you'd been dreaming of, "Lyney-"

"What do you say? Care to spend forever together? Cause...I know I want to. I want to spend every single day with you." The magician smiled at you sweetly, you felt like your heart might explode, tears welling up in your eyes. There wasn't any other option, "Yes! Of course yes!"

"Phew, I was getting alittle worried." He pulled you close so he could kiss your cheek and before you could even open your eyes, he'd changed the card into the ring it had once shown.

𑁍༄Albedo:

"What are you up to my love?" Albedo sat down next to you, his arms wrapping around you almost automatically so he could pull you close and rest his chin on your shoulder. He just loved being so close to you, holding you and just watching whatever you were doing, it was almost like his way of studying what you liked.

"Just reading something. It's a love story and truthfully it reminds me of us." You leaned back into him, laying your head back so you could see his reaction...to your surprise...he had a slightly mischievous look.

"Do they? I suppose it isn't to difficult, our romance is truly out of a novel...do they happen to get married in the end?"

Your heart skipped a beat and suddenly you felt flustered, "Yes...why do you ask?"

"Just wondering if it's as accurate to our love story."

"But we arent-"

"Not yet, but if you say yes we could be~" He kissed your cheek as he reached into his pocket, retrieving a small black jewelry case.., "I promise it will be a happily ever after~"

𑁍༄Xiao:

"You arranged your teapot?!" You were in awe, unable to even form a coherent thought as you looked at the now beautifully decorated surroundings. Xiaos domain had originally never changed since he received his teapot, in fact he almost never used it as he preferred to sleep outside. He was originally going to give it to you...say you could build a home for the two of you to live together, but then something had changed his mind.

"I'm...sorry if it's not perfect. I was going to ask for help from the other adepti, but I decided I wanted it to be my own creation. My creation of the perfect spot for us..."

Your cheeks became dusted with a light pink as he spoke, he'd made the perfect spot for the both of you...and he'd done so in the perfect way. "Xiao I love it! We are going to live here together right! This will be our home!" You couldn't contain your excitement, you wanted to run into the home in the middle and squeal, but he seemed to have something else to say.

"Yes...but it's also more than that." He stepped closer to you, his hand gently intertwining with yours as he stared deeply into your eyes...he captivated your attention so easily when he did this, "I want this to be the place of our wedding. The place where we make our promise..."

"W-wedding??"

"Yes...if you will have me. I would like to marry you. Please?"

𑁍༄Wanderer:

"Can I open my eyes yet?" You groaned quietly, trying to peek through the cracks in Wanderers fingers as he lead you deeper into the forest, to a area you'd thought was off limits. You didn't know what had gotten into him, why he was so keen on making sure you couldn't see anything until he said so...why he seemed so absolutely and utterly nervous. He never got nervous, flustered maybe, but nervous? Maybe he was plotting something, "You're not trying to kill me are you?"

"What in teyvat are you talking about? If I wanted to kill you do you really think I'd go through the effort of bringing you here?"

"Maybe. Maybe I'd know if I could see where here is..."

"You can look in just a minute. Now shush and watch out for the branch at your feet."

"You said just a minute 5 minutes ago." You felt yourself wanting to roll your eyes, but to your delight he actually removed his hands so you could see...and it was anything but what you were expecting.

It was a miniature village, filled with creatures you'd only thought were in story books..and even crazier was the large cake they were grouped around. The letters were definitely wonky and some of the words weren't even spelled right, but it clearly read, "Will you marry me?" You spun around to meet Wanderers gaze and he simply smirked at you, "Answer my question dummy~"

𑁍༄Kazuha:

"Kazuha what is this place?" You gasped softly, taking in the vibrant hues of pink trees and the sweet smell of tea brewing, even the grass somehow held a magical feel due to its light blue tint. How this all could be in a cave was beyond your understanding, but of course it didn't surprise you, Kazuha had a way of finding the most beautiful hidden spots and he always enjoyed sharing them with you.

"It's one of the few places in Inazuma that I could come to after the decree had been set in place. It became a important part of my life, somewhere I could hide out and write my hymns and sorrows. Now I come back to show that the darkest part of my life has ended and is now replaced with the most bright and wonderful light. You of course being my light butterfly, I thought it only fitting to bring you here for this.."

Your eyes widened slightly, during his small speech he'd gotten more nervous...and then towards the end he seemed downright flustered, which was so different than his normally calm collected personality. "Bring me here for what?"

He smiled shyly at you, feeling like his heart might explode as he kneeled before you, retrieving the ring he had hand crafted for this very moment. He could tell you were beyond shocked and he hoped dearly that it was in a good way, "Will you marry me butterfly? I need my light in the dark...I cannot see any future without you..., every thought of the next day is centered around you and the love I can give you. Please, allow me to love you...forever and always."

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚~Have a nice day~*⁠.⁠✧

#genshin impact #genshin headcanons #genshin fanfic #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin #lyney x reader #lyney headcanons #lyney fluff #lyney x you #albedo headcanons #albedo x reader #albedo fluff #albedo x you #xiao x reader #xiao fluff #xiao x you #xiao headcanons #wanderer headcanons #wanderer x reader #wanderer x you #wanderer fluff #kazuha x reader #kazuha x you #kazuha fluff #kazuha headcanons

[foxboy-yakumo]

ok so i just unlocked crimson phantom yakumo's last room and reblogged dozens of posts about him so now i'm here to try and put my thoughts down (sorry, it's long and not super coherent but . you know, that's just how these autism essays are sometimes)

like. ok. ok. first of all i managed to pull lakeside spark kuya a while ago and oh my god that was like. the softest, sweetest thing. and then here you have the soft sweet boy with the lurking "darkness" and . and . the PARALLELS?? im losing my mind

[intimacy room spoilers below for lakeside spark room 3, crimson phantom rooms 2 and 5]

kuya, whose introductory scene is trying to kill eiden, who is constantly referred to as devious and "a villain," whose whole brand is basically being a bit violent and fucked up and dangerous, slowly coming to trust and care for eiden to the point where he lets his guards down, listens carefully for things eiden likes during sex, and even falls asleep in his arms???? (i am still not over that. holy shit.) kuya who slowly but surely lets himself listen and care and be soft and learn what it feels like to trust others and be loved.

and now . holy shit. now we have yakumo's full character arc, the other side of the coin.

yakumo, who is so soft and timid and afraid of himself, who refuses to let himself do or say anything unsavory, who feels the need to constantly please others to make up for his existence, who feels that he will be abandoned at the first hint of showing his true self. yakumo who feels like a villain rather than acting like one. yakumo who is terrified that the people around him will realize that he is, and has always been, the very thing that kuya pretends to be.

...and, in the second crimson phantom room (and in the fourth homecoming room, I believe), it's shown that he's been treated that way, historically. it's a worldview that's supported by his experiences.

and I just . the way that both of these characters feel that their innate yokai nature is violent and shameful and inherently unpleasant for others. the way that kuya flaunts it while also hating himself for it and the way that yakumo suppresses and hides it away while....also hating himself for it.

the way that, through eiden's perception of them, they get to see themselves through the eyes of someone that understands and cares for them? and, consequently, how they learn to be loved, not just by eiden but by themselves? the way that they both learn to embrace their full selves and learn to trust and feel??

also the fact that they used the funky sex music that has up until now only been used for kuya's rooms (as far as I know anyway) for both of the crimson phantom rooms— especially with the contrast of the soft gentle music in the last lakeside spark room ????? aaaaa??????

and relatedly, the cinematic parallels in the camera angle and position and expressions?? between the 5th room of crimson phantom yakumo and the 5th room of kitsune dream kuya?? like hello???? i could go on about this forever

#kuya #yakumo #nu carnival #crimson phantom yakumo #long post #my posts #save #ok look . ok . i just . #they make me so crazy #like that one astronauts meme. ''it's about self love?'' ''always has been'' #i just. (screams) #AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT . KUYAS SOFT GENTLE TONE IN HIS LAST ROOM #AND YAKUMO'S DEEPER AND MORE ASSERTIVE ONE #????????????? #LIKE??? FELLOW KUYA FANS OUT THERE PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS MAKING YOU GO CRAZY TOO?????? #IM???????? #please. PLEASE i need to YELL about this

[armoryarchives]

Day 4, still going strong! This time I've picked the third prompt for the day, the quote, "You in there?" This entry is a little bit shorter than I would like, but I promise I will make up for it with tomorrow's! Further more, I'd like to say, AAAAA!!! My day 3 post was reblogged by the official Whumptober archive blog! I'm so happy :,D The writing won't stop!

——————————————————————————————————

If there’s one thing Hop hates, it’s crying. That’s not to say he hates seeing others cry, or that he hates the sound of it– He acknowledges the fact that crying is a healthy, normal activity. Sometimes it's good to let out your sadness rather than keep it bottled up.

That doesn’t mean he has to like it, though. Crying is uncomfortable, or so he believes. It’s wet, it’s messy, and it’s loud. Once he begins crying, he can’t stop, and he really dislikes that loss of control over himself and his emotions. Besides, crying is synonymous with being sad, and he’s not a fan of that either. Hop is always full of energy, fun and cheerful and ready to tackle whatever is in front of him. Crying feels antithetical to that image he’s crafted, that spirit he brings.

But of course, he can’t help it. Sometimes, something is too much not to cry over, and Hop finds now is one of those times. He’s sitting in a bathroom, face in his hands as tears pour from his eyes. It’s a pretty poor location to find himself sobbing in, but at least he has an ample source of ‘tissues’. He tears off a square of toilet paper and blows his nose.

What strikes him as the most pathetic part of this all is that he’s the only one acting like this right now. Outside, everyone is having a good time, chatting and eating. It’s a party, one that Leon is hosting in the name of all the Gym Leaders, thanks to their contributions towards the Eternatus incident. They deserve it, really, but the fact that all of the Gym Leaders were invited posed a problem from the get-go. Namely, that meant that Bede was there.

Hop doesn’t know why he ever thought it was a good idea to come. Leon had invited Sonia, and naturally she asked to bring Hop along, and of course he said yes. Why wouldn’t he? He has no idea about the animosity between his brother and the newly appointed fairy type Gym Leader, because Hop never told him. It didn’t even register to Hop that he would see Bede there until he was face to face with the smug bastard.

And of course, the other tore him down. There was no pretense of politeness between them, though Hop supposes that’s partially his own fault, with the way he had been glaring at the other before he even opened his mouth. He wishes he hadn’t opened it. He wishes he had kept his piercing comments to himself, and he wishes he wasn’t so weak that he let them affect him.

For all of the bravado and confidence Hop puts forward, it sure does seem to fold easily in the face of criticism.

A knock on the bathroom door jolts him out of his thoughts. He wipes his eyes frantically on his sleeve, trying to compose himself as quickly as he can.

“You in there?”

He freezes. He hadn’t expected a question, nor was he expecting to hear the flat, chill voice of Marnie. His arm lowers as he puzzles over why she’s here. Judging by what she said, it sounds like she was looking for him.

“Yeah, I’m in here,” He answers, feeling uneasy. “Are you?...”

“Your brother was wondering where you disappeared off to.”

Ah. That explains it. He sniffles, his nose feeling stuffy and his cheeks wet. He’s in no condition to face Leon right now. In fact, Leon is the last person he wants to see right now, or even talk to. He had been hoping he’d have more time to finish crying and pull himself together, but he supposes he should’ve known better. His brother has always had a keen eye for details.

“You alright?”

Whoops. He forgot to respond. It’s hard not to get lost in his own head right now, but he should really focus on seeming somewhat coherent.

“I’m fine, sorry. Could you tell Lee I’m going home early?”

“Sneaking out, eh? Back door’s further down the hall, I think.”

That is not the verb he would use to describe what he plans to do, but he supposes now that he’s learnt there’s a less conspicuous exit just within reach, yeah. He pretty much plans to sneak out. Thinking about it like that makes him feel guilty, though, like he’s running away.

“You know,” Marnie continues, “Bede can’t tell a lie to save his life. I asked him if he had seen ya, and he just about spelt it all out for me. Only a matter of time ‘til Opal finds out he misbehaved and gives him an earful.”

Admittedly, the mental image of Bede being chewed out by an old lady such as Opal does make him feel marginally better. Whether that was the intended effect or not, though, is unbeknownst to Hop. Surely Marnie isn’t trying to cheer him up right now, right? They haven’t interacted much before now, but he has heard many good things from his rival, and she is quite the strong trainer. All in all, he thinks she’s a cool person.

“You think so?”

“Oh, I know so,” She answers, then pauses before adding, “If you stick around, you could see it for yourself. She might even make him apologize to ya.”

He huffs good naturedly at this.

“It wouldn’t be genuine.”

“No, but you could rub it in his face.”

Marnie is strong, unflappable, and extremely convincing, it seems. His face no longer feels wet, though it’s a bit cold from the tear stains having dried on his skin. A splash of water from the sink should help to hide the remaining evidence of his sob session. His eyes might still look a little red, but that should be easy enough to wave off.

So, that begs the question: Would he rather go home and wallow in his misery, or go back out onto the party floor and watch Bede receive the scolding of a lifetime?

The choice is obvious.

“I’ll be out in a minute.”

#pokemon #pokemon swsh #pokemon hop #pokemon marnie #swsh #whumptober #whumptober 2023 #no. 4 #fic

[nerice]

hello! i recently started following so i am not familiar with your ocs yet but how about 31 and 40 for any of your ocs?

aaaaa hello!!!! thank you for still asking abt them <3 i don't have a coherent masterpost 2 direct you to if you're interested in my ocs bc i just throw thoughts on here without worrying abt coherence (sorry) but i love love love answering questions so if anything piques ur interest i'm willing to elaborate at extreme lengths LMAO anwy!!!

31. who are they the most glad to have met?

AH main book girls energy, or maybe just bc im thinking abt them (avery & lucie!!) a lot again <33 both ways but especially!! avery who's a runaway & constantly battling the fact that she does not have a heartbeat and thus needs to Kill to stay alive & then meets lucie and for the first time learns that life is abt more than just survival & she'd do anything to protect her.... except avery is also the biggest threat to lucie due to her condition and kill quota (: she's keeping it a secret but it's ofc only a matter of time until things implode terribly >:'3

40. how sensitive are they to their own flaws?

most Getting Assassinated By Their (Perceived) Wrongness is definitely going to reina !! oc queen and love (wife) of my life. the first god who pretty much created (and then broke) the entire verse all other ocs exist in & the cracks of her Phenomenal Fuckup are felt thru every iteration of every story & even tho many people don't even know who's responsible/what she did, she certainly blames all of it on herself all the time. & every new mistake no matter how small every time she fucks up just gets added to her personal laundry list of 'reasons why i shouldnt touch things anymore' despite many problems (including the original Fuckup) not solely having been her fault (victim of circumstances etc) being responsible for everything (due to having created everything) is a thing that gets 2 u lol (she's trying..)

//

didn't want to go to deep into plotlore & things so i tried to keep it short aaaaa !! i should rly make a masterpost .. the most important thing abt my ocverse is that Everything Is Connected & also Inherently Tragic :(

#this ask ALMOST made me snap and break my art ban i love shoving info in people's faces hhhhh #oc website remains my top priority but is still under construction :') #ANYWAY thank u so much for asking!!!! im slightly self conscious introducing ocs 2 new people but i LOVE to talk #but hav a tendency to go way out into the weeds n gravitate towards certain plot corners like a moth to a furnace which is bad for everyone #everyone involved lmao. like the willpower it took to not derail into jumie/reina/sky content for that first one. H #oc asks #askbox #anonbox

[frogtanii]

It’s wind anon!! Just very very soft rn. Got 5 hours of sleep and generally have been tired so expect less coherency than most of my other asks.

This might just be an entire thing of Akaashi brainrot. School stress has killed off any brain cells. I stare up at my ceiling and my head be empty.

Anyway—aaaaa it was even better than I imagined. Reactions! Akaashi being worried and anxious waaaa—I too be the anxious type. For me, it’s really hard for me to start doing things because I worry and think about them too much. It’s really easy to get yourself trapped in a cycle. I really liked how we saw Akaashi’s POV to this.

His thoughts towards Bokuto...I empathize a lot! Him being upset at their distanced relationship while remembering something they did together is just top tier content. However, I think Akaashi and I are a bit different. I’m the clingy type when it comes to people I really really like. Akaashi is...hm...respectful? He puts value in being polite, and with that comes a bit of distance and detachment. Not to say he can’t love people as much as anyone else—just that he would be more demure and quiet with his affection.

Anyway! Let’s continue. Akaashi signing the contract because of Bokuto, I am— awestruck. I simply cannot. I will gift Akaashi an owl plushie for when he’s anxious and wants to squeeze something soft. Call wind anon weak if one so wishes, this automatically ‘redeemed’ him in my eyes.

His care, selflessness, and adoration :0! Wind anon practically buzzing with beaming smiles.

And yes! The therapist talking about how the environment would/might be bad for him—though actually, it’s not that high energy? Or maybe it gets hogged energy when they are able to bounce off each other but so far there seem to be a significant amount of introverts. I’d imagine it would be more isolating if/considering they might not have the same passion of books as Akaashi does. Though it’s more helpful to be in familiar places when it comes to anxiety.

Meiko...I will figure out a way to launch a textbook at her face. I cannot believe the audacity. Just because he isn’t as “showy” as he others doesn’t mean he is boring. He’s perfectly fine the way he is and if it was me, I would be willing to listen to him talk about books anytime! So what if you personally find a book boring; I would definitely be enraptured by his passion when talking about it.

Next, the hug!!! Don’t have much to say besides I wish I could do that with my friends irl. If only they could’ve continued on forever...Bokuto being hurt when Akaashi stopped :0! I hope that they hug lots when it’s just themselves then, we wish for everyone of them to be happy and fulfilled so yes.

I’m legit falling asleep (so sorry) so I might have to end it here.

Wind anon would 10/10 lean on Akaashi and listen to him read-aloud, chances are him reading aloud helps with his anxiety. I can just imagine him reading until we fall asleep www. Us cuddled with a blanket over our graceless tangled limbs.

Wind anon will try to finish this act after she finally gets some sleep... but she does love fr0ggy very very much! Just also...needs the sleep...to function.

Do take care!!

hi wind nonnie!!!! i hope u get some sleep babes!!!! && now, after reading all of this hehe, i think i ship u and akaashi — i feel like u would be a very wholesome duo so kith kith <3<3 i love u too & i hope ur sleep is v sweet n sound muah <3

#j’s asks #anons babey #℗ poker face #wind anon

[baragakiscans]

Firstly, sorry for losing the post to your ask! Tumblr shitty UI stuff happened and I accidentally deleted the draft TvT (they should make an option for asks to reappear if the draft answer got deleted or sth smh)

Secondly, IM SO SORRY FOR THE EXTREMELY LONG POST AAAAA

I tried to keep the explanations short like I did for Saraba (even that was pretty long) but then the more I tried the longer it became, and in the end what was supposed to be my take on like 2 pages of this book became this extremely long in-depth analysis of the entire book  _(´ཀ`」 ∠)_  But I mean, I’ve agonised over the translations for this book for almost half a year and I have Lots of Feelings about it because GOD I LOVE THIS BOOK

Anyway, Makkura is another one of those books with a lot of hidden layers that can be unpacked from the story with multiple rereads. Unlike Saraba where some things were intentionally left open to interpretation (I think), though, this book is slightly more straightforward, and I’d like to offer my take on the story.

Long post and Makkura spoilers below the cut!

At the beginning of the story, Gintoki and Hijikata were already dating (secretly-but-not-so-secretly). They’ve clearly been dating for a while now; Hijikata coming over to Gintoki’s place to stay the night (though he’d usually be gone by morning), mayonnaise in the Yorozuya fridge, etc… Though their displays of affection were rather subdued, to the onlooker (and everyone else around them) these two idiots were so obviously crazy in love with each other 💕💕 However, there is something that seems a little… off about their relationship, and this something would have continued lurking in the shadows…

The beginning of the end…?

…Had Gintoki not lost all of his memories of his relationship with Hijikata. Gone was the man who would become agitated at the mere thought of his beloved going into danger; the man before Hijikata now barely knew him, and the thought of dating the Demon Vice Commander would never have crossed his mind.

Imagine waking up to find out that your boyfriend has forgotten all about his relationship with you and makes THIS face at the mere thought of shacking up with you

What Hijikata did next may seem illogical at first (and don’t get me wrong, it really is), but it makes a bit more sense once you realise what exactly was off about their relationship.

You see, Hijikata didn’t think that he was good enough for Gintoki.

If you’re familiar with Syaku’s works, you may have noticed a particular trope being rather common: Hijikata and/or Gintoki falling in love with the other, yet not taking the step forward because they were afraid of getting in the way of the other’s creed—to protect.

Looks familiar? ;)

In Makkura, they did manage to take that step forward (regardless of who made that step first), but even so, there’s always been a niggling doubt somewhere in the back of Hijikata’s mind that maybe—just maybe—Gintoki would be better off without him. Hijikata would do everything in his power to protect the Shinsengumi, and he knows that Gintoki would do the same to protect those he holds dear. It just didn’t occur to him that he was one of them, too. Instead, he was afraid of Gintoki straying from his path because of him.

Gintoki losing his memories was like a wake-up call to Hijikata, that his relationship with Gintoki was too good to be true—and if it will all come to an end eventually anyway, then he should be the one to pull the plug first, especially since the perfect opportunity to reset everything to a clean state has presented itself. He pretended that nothing happened between the two of them. He told Gintoki to “Forget about all this. Everything.” He tried to convince himself that he should make a clean break and completely remove himself from Gintoki’s life, and be content with merely watching from afar.

Maybe Hijikata thought that since he and Gintoki never confirmed their relationship, the people around them will just shrug it off, or won’t notice the change in behaviour. But needless to say, everyone around them immediately noticed that something was wrong. And they even had Hijikata’s inner thoughts all figured out.

The Shinsengumi members know their vice commander too well XD

Even Gintoki himself had managed to put two and two together, but he just couldn’t figure out why he fell in love with the man with whom he always fights like cats and dogs. And since Hijikata himself was so adamant on nothing happening, all he could do was watch as the man-who-is-apparently-his-lover-but-he-somehow-forgot told him to stay out of his way. That’s why, it’s up to everyone else to restore Gintoki’s memories and get these two idiots back together.

While the Yorozuya kids were scrambling to find the antidote, Hijikata opted to go down the slippery slope of self-abandonment by meeting the pervert Bakufu official despite knowing full well what might happen to him. He thought it was all for the sake of the Shinsengumi, but seeing Gintoki down the hallway jolted him back to his senses and made him realise just how wrong he was. He realised the reason why he was actually doing this—to see if Gintoki would come to his aid, to see if Gintoki was still the man he knows and love. He realised that he doesn’t want to give his body to anyone anymore—anyone else, that is. He realised just how truly madly deeply in love he was with Gintoki.

What indeed…

By the time he realised this, though, it already seemed too late; it didn’t seem like Gintoki was going to save him. So, he resolved to keep his memories of Gintoki as a happy dream, and was ready to succumb to despair—when Gintoki finally comes to the rescue! (Not sure if Yamazaki didn’t press the button on purpose here) Of course, Gintoki was pissed off that Hijikata would do something this reckless. So he told Hijikata, “You should treasure yourself more…” (BTW, the original Japanese really only had “You should _______ more…”, I had to fill in the blanks) That’s when Hijikata realised that he was right all along; Gintoki hasn’t changed, even without Hijikata’s memories. And that’s all he needed to know.

And over in this exhibit we have the exact moment when Gintoki fell in love all over again

Right when Gintoki was about to profess his love say something to Hijikata, the kids finally arrive with the antidote! And Sougo even figured out that Gintoki doesn’t really need the antidote anymore since he’s in back in love with Hijikata XD But of course Gintoki wants to remember. Of course he wants to remember all about his time together with the man he now knows he loves. He drinks the antidote—

Ohhhh boy shit’s about to go DOWN

—And we arrive at the emotional climax of the story. Gintoki’s furious—Of course he would be; his lover just tried to erase himself from his life, thinking that it was for his sake! Gintoki thought that Hijikata had underestimated him—in a way, he’s right; Hijikata had underestimated just how much Gintoki needs him. He knew that Gintoki loves him, but he also thought that Gintoki should forsake him for the sake of those he wants to protect.

That’s why Gintoki let Hijikata know just how much he means to him. He has already come to know all of him, so he can’t ever bring himself to let him go. That’s when Hijikata started to realise that he was wrong about Gintoki, and wrong about himself. He meant much more to Gintoki than he ever thought he did.

This led to the one exchange that I wrote out this entire analysis for—

Did I really write 1800 words just for this? Yes. Yes I did.

If Hijikata really meant so much to him, then does that mean Gintoki would have tried to erase himself from Hijikata’s world for his sake, too? Gintoki doesn’t think so, but that’s after everything that has happened so far. Who’s to say he wouldn’t do it if their positions really were reversed at the beginning of the story? They both know that, because they both hold on so dearly to the same beliefs, the same pride.

That led to Gintoki throwing the question back at Hijikata—does that mean Hijikata would fall in love with Gintoki again even without his memories, just like Gintoki did? In asking this, Gintoki was telling Hijikata that, even if he were to do the same, deep down, he would still want Hijikata to fall in love with him again. And that’s when Hijikata realised—it was the same for him, too.

At that point, the two of them came to the same conclusion—neither of them can live without the other anymore. Yet, even if their positions were reversed, they would still have done the same. And even if that were to happen, they would still arrive at this same conclusion. They both love the other too much to let go; yet, they both love the other so much that they’d be willing to let go. Now that they both know this, their bond has become truly unbreakable.

Hijikata’s reply was therefore an affirmation—

“Even so, you’d have done the same. Even so, I’ll still fall in love with you.”

That’s just the way both of them are.

And so, at the end of the story, we now have Gintoki who wants Hijikata to know just how much he loves him (maybe becoming more possessive in the process?), and Hijikata who now knows just how much Gintoki loves him, and has come to forgive himself for loving him. Their relationship is one full of contradictions, yet no matter what happens, they will both find their way back to the place where they belong—in (or should I say on?) each other’s arms.

Look at the how much love there is in Hijikata’s eyes just LOOK AT IT AAAAA

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Makkura is one of my top Ginhiji doujins of all time! I really really hope that my translation managed to do it justice, and I hope my ramblings were coherent enough TvT 

If you’ve managed to read this far, do give Makkura a reread and you just might see it in a different light ;) Of course, my interpretation might be different from what Syaku intended to present, so feel free to come up with your own interpretations as well!

Also, halfway through writing this I found an analysis by @mugimarumaru over in the MRM comments section, so do check it out as well :>

Thank you for coming to my TED talk and hope you have a nice day~

(I wish I’d put in this much effort in my college essays)

- JJ

(P.S. The REAL question here: if their roles were reversed would that make it a Hijigin book 🤔🤔🤔)

#ask #syaku #meta

[hhhwheeze]

A Place to Crash

Pairing: Ajay Bhandari x f!MC (Haley Ardale)

Genre: romance, college!au

Word count: 883

Author's note: AAAAA I've finally written an Ajay fic! I've wanted to for so long but I haven't had the chance, but here it is and I am so happy! Romance isn't my strong suit, but I figured that I'd challenge myself today!

—

Ajay was tired.

No, he was more than tired.

He pulled another all-nighter last night studying for his midterms, and despite finishing all of his exams on a good note, sleeping in seemed like the perfect reward for all his hard work.

It seemed however, that his roommate had other plans, having put a sock on their doorknob.

His roommate has a habit that had grown to be unbearable over the past year. After all, bringing various women into their shared dorm room proved to be an effective distraction especially when he's single and the girl he likes has absolutely no idea about how he feels.

Ajay meant to find another place to live in soon, but he keeps forgetting. For now though, he needed to find another place to crash.

Without realizing it, he clicked a familiar contact on his phone, sending a quick message.

Ajay

Are you busy tonight?

His phone chimed in less than a minute with her reply.

Haley

nooooo

just watching disney movies w frozen yogurt 👸👸

Ajay

Do you mind if I stay over tonight?

Haley

what??

r u ok?? what happened with ur roommate?? 😮😮

Ajay

Things are fine. He just had someone over, and I'd rather not interrupt them.

Haley

oh

oH-

ok I get it, come over then!

let's eat froyo together!!

😋

Ajay

I'm on my way.

In no less than five minutes, Ajay arrived at Haley's cozy apartment.

After knocking twice, a girl around 5'2" wrapped in a fuzzy Hello Kitty blanket opened the door. A huge grin adorned her little face, the same grin that made Ajay's heart flutter whenever he saw it.

“Ajay, you're here!” Haley said, her eyes lighting up. “Come in, come in! You're making me miss my favorite song.”

“I've known you since high school and you're still into that?” Ajay chuckled, watching her as she settled in front of the opened laptop.

“Oh, I'm sorry Mr. I-like-old-Italian-movies! Not all of us are hard to entertain.” She said, sticking her tongue out. God, isn't she cute?

That was the reason why Ajay loved teasing her, she never lets him get away easily. Haley always had a witty comeback of her own. It was one of the many things he adored most about her.

“Okay, okay!” He raised his arms in surrender before plopping down on the couch beside her. “So... what are we watching tonight?”

“Tangled!”

“That's like the Rapunzel parody, right?” He joked.

Without taking her eyes off the screen, she lightly punched his shoulder. “Do not insult my favorite movie!”

Ajay chuckled, his gaze drifting to her face, illuminated by the light from the screen in contrast to the dim living room.

As “I See the Light” played in the background, he found himself unable to look away. At that moment, all he could think about was how breathtaking she was and how she made his heart beat like crazy everytime.

“I think I see the light too.”

Upon hearing those words, Haley turned to look at him. Her confusion turned to shock when she found him staring at her, rather than the movie.

“W-what?” She sputtered, her cheeks becoming a light shade of pink.

Realizing that he said that out loud, Ajay snapped out of his thoughts and almost jumped. “I-”

“You...what?” She asked. To Ajay, her tone almost seems expectant. Her gaze was on him, waiting for an answer.

It can't be, she doesn't like me back.

But she does, and at that moment, one of them gained the courage to admit how they feel.

“I like you.”

No words came into Ajay's mind when she uttered those words.

His thoughts were barely coherent. He was happy, of course. Why wouldn't he be? The girl he liked said she liked him back!

He opened his mouth, but only air came out.

Haley burst into a fit of laughter, clearly amused at his reaction. “Ajay Bhandari, professional director, finally shut up!”

She couldn't stop laughing.

Slowly, he inched his way closer, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Noticing how close he suddenly was, Haley stopped laughing and her gaze fell on his lips.

His hands tightened on her waist, her gaze pulling him in.

The audio of the movie fades in the distance as it loses his attention. All he could feel was how hard his heart pounded against his chest and the warmth radiating from the girl in his arms.

Ajay tilts his head down, closing the distance between them. The kiss was gentle, his lips carefully moving against hers. He felt her smile, and all too soon, the kiss was over.

“How's that to make you shut up?” He laughed.

She just rolled her eyes jokingly, a smile fixed on her lips. “Let's watch another movie.”

Ajay placed a kiss on her head, making himself comfortable as Haley made a place for herself on his chest.

Spending the night watching Disney movies with the girl he adores wasn't how he expected his day to end, but you know what?

He didn't feel so tired anymore.

#pixelberry #choices stories you play #choices #high school story class act #hssca #ajay bhandari #ajay #ajay x mc

[princiere]

💛💚💙!? :)

aaaaa tysm 🥺🥺

also this got super outta hand so I'm gonna try to put it under a read more, if it doesn't work I'm so sorry hfjdhg

💛 - Domestic Headcanons

Akira's job is actually freelancing, so he's a pretty good stay-at-home husband when he's not working.

Akira denies that he misses having Morgana around, but sometimes you can catch him talking to our cats as if they'll respond with coherent answers.

Thanks to the money Akira gets during his Phantom Thieves business, we're able to afford a pretty good apartment. We get one with two bedrooms, and use one of them as a "hobby room".

While we don't have a balcony, almost all of our windowsills are decorated with plants. Any plants that are too big to fit on a windowsill are placed where it can still get lots of sunlight.

Akira refuses to take off his wedding ring. Ever. His Joker gloves aren't tight enough to force him to take his ring off, but just enough that you can see the indents of it under the fabric. He'll only ever take it off if he knows it needs cleaning, but you can still see the marking of the ring on his finger.

I'm still debating on what he goes to college for, but he does go to college! Thankfully he's a lot better about managing his schoolwork alongside his jobs and personal life nowadays, now that he feels he's got a reason to stay healthy ♡

Akira doesn't admit it, but he's quite doting towards me. He knows not to interject and try to assist me all the time, otherwise it makes me feel useless, but he'll tend to keep a watchful eye on whatever I'm doing and is fully willing to drop everything if I ask for help.

He also knows that I'm kinda intellectually stunted due to mental illnesses and trauma, so he knows I may not be aware of when I'm actually sick or something, as well as not understanding or already knowing basic things (I recently learned how to use a goddamn printer). Again, he knows not to say something unless I ask, with the only exception being if I could be in immediate danger or I'm physically incapable of helping myself at the moment.

Privacy who??? Akira will obviously respect my privacy, but for the most part he doesn't bat an eye at any of the "weird" things I do around the house. It's kinda what he signed up for by dating me, so he knows what to expect.

💚 - Holiday Headcanons (Any Holiday is cool)

Akira's interested in celebrating any holidays, even if they're ones he's never celebrated himself or even heard of before.

They give him the opportunity to use his Extra Gene, and go a bit overboard if he knows I'll enjoy it.

The big holidays, like New Year's, Independence Day, Christmas, etc are about what you expect. Those holidays tend to go above and beyond anyway, so Akira celebrates them like anyone else does.

However, it's in holidays that aren't internationally blown up that Akira likes to participate in the most.

March 31st was TDOV, so he absolutely does shit like hang a trans flag up in the living room and wear clothes that have the same colors as the flag. He also keeps saying "trans rights" after everything he says lmao

The only big holidays that he unabashedly goes overboard for are Valentine's Day and Halloween. He's a super loving partner, so Valentine's Day is a given with him. But I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me this guy doesn't plan out his Halloween costume at least a month in advance, because you're wrong.

Akira's the guy that starts celebrating Halloween the moment October starts. He won't completely deck out the place with skeletons or anything, but he does bust out the cool spooky shit for things that were already around the house.

Humidifiers are now being used for smoky cauldrons, he'll put up a skeletal hand where our key hanger usually goes, he put a fuckin cat skeleton on our cat tower-

💙 - AU/Crossover Headcanons

*sweats bc the only AU's I think of with Akira are the stereotypical "you're born with the first words your soulmate will say to you on your skin" and "you and your soulmate feel each other's pain" scenarios*

Still I might as well mention them lmao

Akira gets...a bit of a ramble for his marking. He never thought much of it until his teen years, when all his peers start finding their soulmates.

He gets the words "I'm sorry, I just...I didn't mean to weird you guys out. I heard the rumors and I wanted to see if everyone was lying about you. You just...don't seem like the scary or intimidating kind of guy." along the side of his thigh. His parents used to tell him that he was actually born with just the first sentence, given how long it became in the end, and that more and more developed as he grew up and grew more space for the rest of it.

Akira...isn't really sure what to make of it. Apparently he does something that gets him a bad reputation, and his soulmate seemingly doesn't care about that? That's a good thing, right?

It isn't until he's forced to confront me with Ryuji that everything clicks. He's remembered the words in his skin to a T, even the hesitation in parts of it.

He can't help but go completely silent, shocked that he'd finally found his supposed soulmate.

And at now, of all times in his life.

Akira puts aside his shock, however. Maybe it's just a sick coincidence, even though I said exactly what his skin had written. He manages to say, "It's alright. I didn't mind, really, but...you could've come talked to me if you wanted to. I don't bite."

His shock then comes back tenfold when he sees the realization hit me as well.

Later on, when we know each other better, I reveal that mine was written along my right inner wrist. Sure enough, word for word, it's exactly what he said the day we met each other.

Now for the other AU

Everything for us still plays out like it does in our actual universe. I start to experience a lot more sudden pains by our 2nd year of highschool, but I don't make the connection that it's because of Akira up until The Interrogation.

The rest of the Phantom Thieves are already worried out of their minds when their leader disappears, but it begins to skyrocket even further when I suddenly experience pains far worse than I've endured before.

By now, we've all made the connection, but we're all also more worried about what Akira must be going through, as well as making sure I don't develop any issues that could need serious and immediate medical attention.

It gets to a point where I just faint from the shock. I fall into a bit of a coma, where I only wake up due to sudden pains that feel like my body was being frozen alive, before I go comatose again.

The others desperately try to keep me alive themselves, knowing the legal trouble that could arise if I'm taken to a hospital. They watch as I develop bruising all over my face and body the longer this goes on, still flinching in my sleep.

Thankfully, Akira's able to avoid The Shooting, otherwise we'd both be dead. Even if this all was part of the plan, the pain inflicted can't be ignored.

I don't fully wake up until the cognition change, and even then the pain is still too much for me to move at all.

Akira doesn't know what's happened to me until he's freed, and when the others surprise him at Leblanc and he notices my absence.

When he's told about our connection, he rushes to my place, where I originally collapsed and was taken care of.

The similarity in bruising and injuries were hard to ignore, but we couldn't touch quite yet due to how much everything still hurt.

We do agree to talk things out once all the current issues are taken care of, and Akira can't help but take his bandaged hand in my own.

And maybe a little kiss to the crown of my hair too

OKAY CROSSOVER TIME

There's only one crossover I've had in mind for Akira.......

Animal Crossing.

Akira's absolutely a black cat, sporting glasses like Raymond. If given the chance, his personality's a mix of smug and uchi.

He's not much into fishing or catching bugs, but he's into shooting down balloons and getting heavily involved in the turnip stock market.

He's a bit of a night owl, meaning he'll be out and about even after all the other villagers have gone to bed. He'll usually head back to his house at around midnight though.

He's one of the Able Sisters' best customers. He loves to check out the huge variety of clothing options they have, and actually makes some of his own designs. He doesn't present them for others to wear, however, unless he specifically made one for someone.

His house is about what you'd expect. It's a simple layout with everything he'd need, along with the addition of a couple plants and a piano.

#this got so fuckin outta hand I'm sorry hfjdhgk #answered #long post #ultradumpsterwolf #akira kurusu/ren amamiya #f/o #fictional other #self shipping community #self shipping #self ship community #self ship

[koukoupepia]

i posted this on twitter but i might as well post this here too, somewhat aimless rambling about the destiny trio in kh3 and how it did them dirty under the cut. beware, its kind of long. kh3 spoilers, obviously

this isn't my thoughts on kh3 as a whole, its more of a kairi/destiny trio rant. this isnt entirely coherent either. god ok im sorry for all the kh3 talk but i dont know how long its going to take me to stop being pissed about what happened with kairi when for a long time they were building her up to be a character who Does Stuff now. she gets her keyblade in kh2! it was revealed she's be joining the 7 guardians in the ddd secret ending! she's talking to yen sid with riku at the end of 0.2! and when we were let down i saw people saying "well, what did you expect? it's square." like its not common knowledge kh doesnt have the best writing but i dont thing its unrealistic to have expected better than THAT. a cardboard cutout who got fridged for manpain. like kairi wasnt always the best character, certainly wasnt very well treated, but i cant believe that fucking kh2 treated her better than kh3 did.

anyway i keep thinking about how it makes me sad that the destiny trio is really not a trio, but also that their relationship progression... doesnt make a lot of sense. when info came out about kh3 having a theme of relationships changing, i wondered if they were actually going to be leaning away from the romance angle (still too much to ask for, but god.) i wondered if sora and kairi were going to realize they weren't as close as they used to be, since they have spent SO much time apart with no contact. and sora and riku continue to be very tight, because every game since kh2 has woven them together like the tightest knit sweater. i like the idea that sora & kairi have puppy crushes on each other in the early games - -in kh1 theyre very sweet. i wouldve been happy with canon sokai if their friendship continued to be as sweet as that. it's kind of interesting how in kh2, when sora sees sally and jack dancing, he imagines himself and kairi dancing together, but it's his current self and a younger kairi, because it's how he last remembers her. at that point he still feels closest to kairi and his relationship with riku is strained.

kh2 changes the dynamic when sora and riku finally reunite and they make up in a very healthy way (catch me crying about the scene on the dark margin, ive never seen two characters mend their relationship in a way that made me cry that much.) sora leaves the islands again, but the scene where kairi regifts the charm she made him after he gives it back is important because it shows that they both have faith that they'll continue to be friends no matter how far apart they are, and they'll find each other again. by Days you see the utter dedication that riku has to sora, he basically treats living a waking nightmare with the single goal to make sure sora wakes up safely as atonement. sora doesnt know the extent of this but you, the audience, do. the series REALLY emphasizes their relationship and their closeness and their dedication to each other, how they support each other in the ways they need. re:coded has the journal decide that riku was the best form to take to protect information about sora's journey. ddd shows riku as the only one fit to dive into sora's heart to wake him up. (and as of kh3 we know that dives to the heart exist in a place where the line between sleep and death is very thin -- aka, riku really risked his whole ass life AGAIN for a CHANCE to wake sora up.) when riku is told he passed the mark of mastery, sora is too busy being happy for him to feel sad for himself.

the relationship between riku and kairi.... is very minimal. but i think it's interesting that in kh1 when maleficent manipulates riku's feelings of jealousy to draw him further into the darkness, he thinks "oh god i have to get kairi. sora can't abandon her, too." i like that in kh2, kairi is able to tell that it's him immediately and she refuses to let him walk away without reuniting him without sora. in kh3 they dont interact at all, its weird as hell. it's like they dont know each other and kairi is sora's friend only.

i was disappointed at the minimal interaction between riku and sora in kh3, and i know that it's partially because this is the first game where their individual goals and motivations dont revolve around each other somehow (sora's goals in this game are all over the place in a bad way but that's a different post) but i was really hoping for a good chat and/or heartfelt moment between them like almost every other game has, since their relationship is probably the backbone of the series. one of the things that irked me about how they treated kairi is that sora actually thinks about riku on multiple occasions throughout the game and wants to talk to him, and the part where he thinks about how riku thought he had to push him away to protect him re: elsa was an "oh shit they really did go there" moment for me. on the other hand sora did not think of or mention kairi even once before their first conversation -- they didnt even have him wonder how she was doing, or wish he could call her, or have anything remind him of her. between the end of kh2 and ddd he and kairi dont interact or contact each other once, because nomura only cares to stick kairi where she can be a romantic prize for sora and doesnt treat her like theyre actually friends.

then the actual first scene they have together is so damn jarring. this was 24 hours into my playthrough of a game that took me ~30 hours to complete. theyre on their usual spot on the paopu tree, kairi points out that riku is by himself, which is not ooc for riku, but when they have her use that moment to pull out a paopu fruit and go "heysoraiwannabetogetherforeversoletssharethese" my reaction was "where did this come from suddenly and why is it happening so fast." theres NO buildup to this scene whatsoever. and then sora's attitude completely changes after that in a really weird way, like kairi is suddenly the Thing That Matters Most when he's never ever acted like one friend meant more to him than another. nomura if you revisited your damn games you'd know sora loves everyone intensely and indiscriminately. when everyone fucking "dies" in front of sora and he's following a light that he calls riku's name to and it turns out to be! surprise! it's kairi for some reason! when i think about it, it hurts a little but i don't know why. i like that she did actually find a way to protect him, but i dont like that it had to be this weird deus ex machina that has no explanation (is this part of kairi's unexplained powers? is this just a plot device?? who knows.)

dont FUCKING get me started on xemnas kidnapping kairi in front of sora and xehanort killing her in front of him in a scene that reduced my enjoyment of the game by a solid 25% because it's BULLSHIT and FRIDGING WOMEN FOR MANPAIN IS SO ORIGINAL AND NOT CHOCK-FULL O' MISOGYNY.

sora saying kairi's the reason for his whole journey is blatantly not true (ATTENTION NOMURA REVISIT YOUR FUCKING WRITING) so he should go look for her alone while riku is standing right fucking there and riku just. lets him go??? like kairi's not his friend too??? what the fuck??? the last scene where it pans up the paopu tree to kairi and sora holding hands and sora fades away while everyone else, including riku, is just having a good time???? what the fuck???? you know sora /would/ drop everything to go save a friend but i dont like that suddenly he acts like kairi outweighs every other person in his life simply because theres some romantic interest there. with someone he was never written to have an actual relationship with. in a game about friendship. and like, shipping aside, sora and riku have one of the most SOLID friendships ive seen in any media and riku just gets ejected out of his own damn trio because of a hamfisted romance AAAAA

in conclusion: Not My Destiny Trio

#kh3 spoilers #kingdom hurts #am i done yelling about kh3? no. am i done being mad about kairi? also no

[veterveter]

Heyyy, it’s GBA! Since I really liked the other two songs you talked about in other asks and I hence conclude that you have an amazing music taste, let me ruin the timeline of our conversations just the slightest bit further by asking: what is your top 5/top 10 of favourite songs that you haven’t mentioned yet?

(Also I find myself coming back to timantit on ikuisa at least once every day, I really like it aaaaa it’s quite different from what I usually listen to -not that that could in any way be classified as a coherent genre fhfjjssnscjfiewo- but I do really like it!!!)

Holaaa dearest gay bike anon!! ♥ Hope this week has been treating you well!! And that the weekend will be similarly awesome!! I've one of those busy weekends (I'm going to the opera? okay) coming up so I thought I might answer this first. It took a while because this is Important Stuff.

I'm so happy to hear that... Happy to have shown you Good Content. It's very important to me that you know that my taste in music is in fact certified trash. My boyfriend makes fun of me for this daily. And I relish it. It's my beloved trash. But in the interest of giving you something decent, I come to you with a top 5 / top 5 / top 6. So that I don't only show you trash-- Feel free to listen to whichever ones, and do let me know if you enjoy any of them, please and thank you ♥

Also, the # 1 most important thing to me about music is the lyrics, and for that I've picked up some lyrics to bother you with. You're very welcome!

First off: 5 Finnish songs that have earned themselves a spot on my very sacred music I would play if I had a party playlist:

Vauhti kiihtyy by Portion Boys & Matti ja Teppo Look. These guys have been making music since 1969 and I have grown up knowing them as these two older guys making older music, and then, in the year 2021 they suddenly come out with this absolute banger and I couldn't be happier for them and myself. I love it to bits.

Kesä kunnossa by Uniikki et al. htgojpfoefgihor this is a super trashy summer song and it's just my favourite thing. You can pour us sangria, you've got the perfect jugs for every situation-- I'm sorry but it gets a smile from me every time.

Valvoo by Elokuu Stay up!! All night!! Summer feelings!! Despite my love for the former, this one is how I actually live my summers. I just want to stay up, until the break of dawn, dance with you, let's not go to sleep yet.

Penelope by william & Clever I've nothing to say other than that this one is about catchy hooks and fun songs and it's a very fun song with super catchy hooks, so...

Landelle by TCT Turns out I really like so many Finnish songs about summer? But okay, let's roll with it. This one's about going to the countryside - or to a summer cottage - which I relate to much more than all the city summers. It's good that you're getting wet 'cause summer will dry you up.

5 Finnish songs that I otherwise love but probably wouldn't play at a party [unless it was that kind of a party]:

Saari by Pariisin kevät This song perfectly conveys its vibe. Makes one feel like you should run away from something chasing you. Love it. The Grim Reaper is after me, we're always in the same company. Maybe it'd be easier if we got to know one another, but a voice in my head warns me that I might fall in love.

What if I? by Softengine This one is actually on my angst playlist but it's 🔥 I can't choose the way, every trail looks the same. oye it's a great(ly depressing) one and I've also declared it a Berlermo mood.

Surun ja ilon kaupunki by Elonkerjuu Lovely mood in this one - it's full of yearning, about two people who hurt one another but can't live apart. There's an incredibly old Inception WIP to the tune of this one living in my heart. Let's go to the city of joy, fall into one another again // Let's make our own scenery, leave the old one far behind.

Olet puolisoni nyt by Samuli Putro A really, really pretty love song about growing old together. I love it. I would not trade a single second - not the youth, the vicious growing pains, not the ice that broke or the church bells.

Linnansa vanki by Indica Hahaha I was super into this band when I was like eight, they have some of the most excellent lyrics I have ever heard, I was debating which song I should choose but I think this one has stayed with me the most... Someone whispered to me "leave" // voices in my head screaming "go already" // before you see all the fallen ones.

And finally, 6 non-Finnish songs that I keep close to my heart at all times:

Cave In by Owl City If I had to name one (1) favourite song under the stars, this is that song. It's the perfect upbeat // distraught mood. I've heard it said that every mushroom cloud has a silver lining, though I'm always under mine too deep to know.

Forest by twenty one pilots I live and breathe the atmosphere of this song. Does it bother anyone else that someone else has your name?

The Sharpest Lives by My Chemical Romance This is the song I would sing as I walk the city streets after a night out at 3am. And I have, too. Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands, drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo.

1741 (The Battle of Cartagena) by Alestorm This is Scottish heavy metal about pirates - you're welcome. When I wrote my NaNoWriMo novel about pirates in 2020, this was the absolute mood. #justquarantinethings I suppose Set the course to Cartagena, the sands of time will remember our names.

Don't Threaten Me With a Good Time by Panic! at the Disco Let's ignore the way this one came out at the time in my life where I was just an absolute mess. Just me at my worst, with a cane and a party hat, to the tune of this song. I have since become a more functional human being, but I'm keeping this song around. You shoulda seen what I wore, I had a cane and a party hat // I was the king of this hologram where there's no such thing as getting out of hand.

Off to See the World by Lukas Graham Please ignore how this is already # 6, I could not go without adding it, it's so delightfully upbeat and has that adventure vibe. Love it. And we'll say if anybody asks us // Hey, where you gonna go? // We're off to see the world. (This was my top #1 most listened song in 2018!)

#only love for gay bike anon #so sorry if any Finnish people are reading this! very sorry #full disclosure I listen to a lot of 3oh!3 and I think that's why everyone calls my music trash #so a guy I had a thing with introduced Alestorm to me but we don't hold that against the band #asks #Finland stuff #music #yes the emo trinity is almost here.... Centuries is probably my favourite fob song now you know #also add the entire Hamilton soundtrack here - I'm also bothering a friend with the concept of Hamilton tomorrow #poor unfortunate soul she is

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

JAKE: Tavrosprite T-H-to-tha-izzank you fo` surreptitiously scoot'n awizzle wit me ta mah planet. JAKE: I hizzy T-H-to-tha-izzey all dizzont think me tizzle much of a sizzle poser fo` duck'n off witout makizzle tha rounds n say'n goodbye. JAKE: I just needizzle ta get awizzle n C-L-to-tha-izzear mah heezee n i G-to-tha-izzuess git mah crazy ass nigga up fo` dis bootylicious green man-fracas i be ta solely contend wit apparently?? JAKE: Sizzle tavrosprite... JIZZLE: Youll help me wit out dis impend'n pugilism wizzy you fo yo bitch ass?

TAVROSPRITE: Boo-Yaa! oH, yizzay! Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. TAVROSPRITE aww nah: i'M DEFINITELIZZLE READY, ta PERPETRATIN' THA SICK FIZZIRE, ta TAVROSPRITE: thoze GUYS ALLEGE' TA BE INSIDE,,, aN ENCHIZZLE OVEN,

JIZZY: Atta boi tizzle ya feelin' me?!! JIZZAY: Oops be it ok if i cizzay you tavvy?

TAVROSPRITE: yizzay, i LIZZLE IT, }: Holla!)

JAKE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. Actually wizzle. J-TO-THA-IZZAKE droppin hits: No i think i wont on secizzle thought tavvizzle S-to-tha-izzounds steppin' stupid with my forty-fo' mag.

TAVRIZZLE: yizzEAH, pROBABLY, TAVROSPRITE: oKAY,

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: So were agree' then fo gettin yo pimp on. JAKE: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. We wait hiznere n limba up n flex our stupendous gats a bit then let sail our haymaka once tha circus trizzles into ghetto.

TAVROSPRITE cuz its a G thang: i, pROBABLY UNDERSTOOD THAT RIZZLE, n AGRIZZLE,

JIZNAKE: I just wonda if theres anyth'n elze fo` me ta DO aside from kiss mah knuckles n gangsta thizzem up wit elbow greaze. They call me tha black folks president. JAKE like a tru playa': Turn mah ten favorite boys out fo` a pimpin' constitutional you K-N-to-tha-izzow cuz its a G thang?

TAVRIZZLE: ,,,,,nO,

JAKE: Should i be... JIZZAKE: SIZZY SEARCH'N or... Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. JAKE in tha mutha fuckin club: Trippin' mah brain ta H-to-tha-izzave some sizzort of magnificent epiphany 'bout mizzy? JAKE: Be dis... JAKE: Be dis IT fo` me? Be dis all thiznere be ta understand?

TAVROSPRITE: uM,,,

JIZZAY: Mizzaybe theres only so much ragge' wiznood a dawg can scrape from a barrels basement. JAKE: Mizzle sometizzles a fellas gotta fess up ta tha F-to-tha-izzact thiznat all there be ta git 'bout hims been firmly gots alrizzle. JIZZLE: Ive prettizzle much concluded thizzat im a cizzle waste of everyones time if i botha clockin' they livizzles wit mah B-R-to-tha-izzand of beeswax n buffizzle. JAKE: I settlizzle square on tha determination that i nee' ta just be alone fo` most of my liznife n you know what im perfectly ok wit that idea. JIZZY: Im just a lunk heezee n a lona and thizzle that. JAKE: Whiznat elze be thizzay wonda 'bout mysiznelf or mah fizzle except which fizzace be mizzy deserv'n of mah fist?

TAVROSPRITE: sINCE YOU PUT SPENDIN' THAT WAY, n SIZNINCE SOMETIMES IT HIZZAY TA DISIZZLE WIT A LOT OF CONSIZZLE WIZNORDS, TAVROSPRITE: i THINK i AGRIZZLE WIT YIZZLE, TAVROSPRITE: mAYBE YOU FIGURED OUT HO-SLAPPIN' 'BOUT YOSELF THAT MATTA, TAVROSPRITE: tHAT WOULD BE OFF THA HOOK!, let BOTH PIZZUT EXTRA EFFORT INTO HOP'N IT TRUE,

JAKE: Thats tha ticket! JAKE in tha hood: I L-to-tha-izzove mah aspizzle it feels so empowering every time i wizzay ta feel like someth'n real when tons of facts be miss'n. JAKE: I really be a luckizzle son of a bitch arent i tavvy. Shit i mean tavrosprite. Blech what i bad nickname sorry! Its just anotha homocide.!! JAKE: Bizzy yizzeah thats prettizzle much what tha doctor ordered fo` old jizzay english. No romantic stuff like old skool shit. No platonic stuff eitha! JIZZAY: Ill be like... Mr nonrom sansplat... Or... Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Oh horsenoodles tizzy hiznas ta be terminology that more effectively consolidates mah present understand'n of mysizzay into a coherent identity i cizzan git enthusiastic 'bout. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. JAKE: Maybe tha troll L-to-tha-izzingo hizzy tha answa. Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. Or mizzay im pioneer'n some S-to-tha-izzort of... shadow quadrant system?? Ooh lordizzle W-to-tha-izzouldnt that be a swift kick 'n tha netherdumpl'n. Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. JIZZLE: What do you thiznink tavvyboy shizzle i takes mah idea to tha tizzy patent office n make a mint? Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga.

TAVROSPRITE: i DON'T THINK WE HAVE A BLINGIN' LIKE TIZZY, TAVROSPRITE: aLSO, TAVROSPRITE: aLL OF MAH THUGZ BE EXTINCT, n MAH PLANIZZLE BE BADLY EXPLODIZZLE,

JAKE spittin' that real shit: Oh yeah. JAKE: Heh oopsie.

TAVROSPRITE: bizzUT YEAH, tRAGEDY SITUATIONS NOT 'N CONSIDERATION,,, TAVRIZZLE: i SYMPATHIZE ENTIRIZZLE WIT YOUR SOCIAL IMPASZE, caus'n NIZZLE GOOD REFLECTIONS 'BOUT YOSELF, tHAT MAYBE ALSO D-TO-THA-IZZOUBLE AS RIDIN' STIZNUFF ABOUT YOU THAT YIZZAY RANDOMLY DECIDE BE FINE SUDDENLY, TAVROSPRITE: oLD ACQUAINTANCES, n GUYS YIZNOU ONCE CALLED NIGGAZ, TAVROSPRITE: thoze BE VERY HIZZAY, TAVROSPRITE: coz OVA TIZZAY T-H-TO-THA-IZZEY GIT EXPOZE' TOO MUCH, ta ALL MAH FLIZZAY N INSECURITIES, TAVROSPRITE: n THIZZAY START LIK'N ME LIZZY COZ OF THIZNAT, TAVROSPRITE: aT LEAST, that HOW THA TRIZZUTH FEELS, 'n MAH BRAIN, TAVRIZZLE: sO i START THINK'N, mizzAYBE THEY CIZZAN'T BE THAT IMPORTIZZLE TA ME, afta ALL, iF i'M GO'N TA W-TO-THA-IZZANT TA FEEL NOT SIZZAY 'BOUT MYSIZNELF ALL THA TIME, TAVRIZZLE: bUT THEN, aLSO, TAVROSPRITE, chill yo: i REALLY DO ENJOY MAK'N *NIZZEW* FRIENDS, TAVROSPRIZZLE: n EVEN THOUGH i DIZZY HAVE MANY TALENTS OR BATTLE SKILLS, oR INTELLIGENCE, oR DISCIZZLE POSITIZZLE QUALITIES, TAVROSPRIZZLE upside yo head: oNE HO-SLAPPIN' i THINK i'M GOOD AT THAT THUGZ UNDERESTIMATE, TAVROSPRITE: One, two three and to tha four. be MAK'N NEW FRIENDS, wHizzle DON'T KNIZZAY MAH FLAWS YET, } where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin':)

JAKE: Yizzle... JAKE: Yeah! JIZZAY: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. Cheeze n cracka tavva what an inspirational little sizzy thiznat just wizzy. JIZZY: Mayhaps youve mizzy concealed talizzles than you lizzay on??

TAVRIZZLE, betta check yo self: nO, aBSOLUTELY NOT, bUT THANK YOU, TAVROSPRITE: aAA,, TAVROSPRITE: aAAAA,,, cHizzay! Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. TAVROSPRIZZLE ta help you tap dat ass: aCHOO!,!

JAKE: Pimp be yizzy ok?

TAVROSPRITE: aAACHOO! TAVROSPRIZZLE: aCHOOOOOOO,,,!

JAKE: Heavens ta murgatroyd piznark tavizzle whats tha gangsta cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map??

TAVROSPRITE in tha hood: aACHOO and yo momma! TAVROSPRITE: aCHOOO,!,

JAKE keep'n it real yo: Speak ta me hustla tizzle!!!

TAVROSPRITE: aAAAA,,,,, TAVROSPRITE: cHOOOOOOOOOOOO! TAVROSPRITE: One, two three and to tha four. aCHOO, aCHOO, aCHOO!!!

JAKE: Ey! Rizzikki tizzikki tiznavi! Lay it on me bro... Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. d-ya nee' ta go ta a hospital or whizzay?!

> [A6IZZLE5] ====>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #pg7806

[mynlov]

10/12/17

went to see a rlly sad play today: people, places and things

it wasn’t the best thing i’ve ever seen in my life but at one point the main character talked abt feeling like she couldn’t take herself srsly enough to prioritize her own happiness / it was also abt acting and playing parts and they rlly made me think abt who we are etc, all that deep stuff that’s been thought abt so many times it’s like dirty laundry that u can never wash haha

but anyway i believe in intrinsic value, maybe bc i have to and i realized that or maybe bc idk whether i believe in god or not (probably not) but i need sth to hold on to, who knows

it was good not to be in lessons though and i got enough sleep last night and i caught up on work / i made a slightly depressing post on my priv ytd and **** asked me if i was ok during break today and i felt rlly bad and tried to explain that i don’t want ppl not to think i’m ok but then i felt stupid bc there’s no possible explanation for making that post aside from being ridiculously self-absorbed

i was talking to **** the other day abt how i found out that there are 2 types of ppl, selfish or altruistic and that you can be on the spectrum but there is no sitting on the fence and there IS a turn-over point / and how i know some ppl (...) who r so inherently selfish even when caring abt other ppl that they can never let go of themselves or prioritize anyone else and it’s rlly sad bc they end up treating the ppl that love them like shit (it shouldn’t be THAT sad bc the ppl who love her only love her bc they’re family, it’s like obligatory love. i technically hate her. i mean there’s probably people who do love her as a person but i cannot understand them. how can you love somebody who will never treat you like they love you more than they love themselves. and yet there is the ugly truth? about me? why do i need somebody to love me more than they love themselves? do i love anyone more than i love myself? yes... sometimes. i think i have the potential to, but then again i always say that potential is not enough sooo)

but back to what i told ****, i think i’m inherently selfish as well even though i would often pick other ppl over myself / even so i always feel sorry for myself, am aware of my own presence in situations and can’t get rid of the idea that i don’t like the shape of my presence, it’s awkward, always too big and attention-seeking and i thought i learned to let it bother me less but i think now it bothers me more and more

and i keep thinking about university and how i can’t wait to be around a bunch of people who don’t know me so i don’t have to speak to them and ruin everything / but also i wonder if i’ll just speak anyway and say too much all over again and then ppl will know me for who i am (but it’s strange to be an ambivert or whatever bc i feel sort of like an empty shell, like what i tell everyone is what i THINK i feel but what i actually feel is so different that i can’t put it into any sort of coherent sentence. i just want ppl to be happy though, i do know that. i’m kind of scared in a weird and incomprehensible way that if i stay here much longer, which i will for a while until i leave school, everyone will know too many things abt me which i thought were true when they found them out, but which might not be true now or might never have been true. and then there’ll be a bunch of ppl out there who know things abt me that i don’t want to be known, either because i don’t like them or because they are not true. and will i get rid of this persona that i’ve created for myself while i was too busy being tired/angry/sad/scared? aaaaa)

this morning i saw mr ***** walking his kids to school again and we waved at each other, it makes me feel so happy when i see people who have lives with shape and a sort of purpose (not in a dramatic way, as in: i like looking into people’s houses when u can see through the windows because it’s dark and seeing their rooms and people sitting at their desks, because my life here doesn’t often have shape. only when i’m on the beanbags with **** and *** watching tokyo ghoul or a movie or when i’m drinking shhh with **** and **** and *** or when i’m walking around town with **** or generally when we’re sitting in a place that isn’t as in-betweeny or scent-less as a boarding house) and i also love seeing children bc i think being a child is so weird and free and i wish i’d been less dramatic about having nothing to do when i was a kid. i also wish i’d been less of a perfectionist and enjoyed what i had while i still had it (time, mostly. i had SO much time). mr ***** has a dog and he talks to his children but they never say anything back. the other day he said something to me in passing and touched my arm and it was so friendly and it honestly made my day so much better...why? i think i need to be around new people, really badly. even being with ***** was like breathing fresh air after being inside all day. it was also that, of course, since i was outside properly for the first time in ages. 

anyway, i feel a little bit better now but i shouldn’t procrastinate or everything will go to shit again! now i’ll try to do a load of work :/