in my feelings today thinking about Kerry and David breaking up 😭 if they'd met under different circumstances, if there'd been no construct, they could've made it. they're a good match. but David needs to reclaim his life from Johnny, wash his hands of it all as much as he can, and he can't do that if he's with Kerry. like, he thinks it'll be good to have someone who knew Johnny and understands how he can fuck a person up, but it becomes apparent that they had such wildly different experiences with Johnny that neither of them can truly understand the other. Kerry and Johnny were friends, for all the heartbreak that caused. what David and Johnny had was... a violation. straight up wrong. it ruined his life. Kerry himself is, honestly, probably a trigger, and it's devastating when David realizes that. like, great, still can't be fucking happy.
none of that is Kerry's fault, but he also can't fix it. he can't change who he is, the relationships he's had. he didn't ask to be included in the trainwreck that was Johnny and David's relationship.
man, I'm just sad about right person, wrong time, and now it can never be the right time.
Had a shower thought about my ex not communicating with me properly one time and so I ended up in 2 relationships simultaneously because “ok fine” for my autistic ass was like a green light. I take things very literally sometimes. My other cooler ex (who I’m still on great terms with) telling me at the time that my toxic ex should have been more forward and literal knowing that’s how I communicate. Saying what I mean is my love language and how I function. I wear my heart on my sleeve 24/7 basically. That short lasting other relationship was still one of the most fulfilling I had in my younger years. 💜
my family has taken to referring to my partners as "my boys" and will ask "how are your boys doing?" and while it is at least slightly annoying the condescension is also kind of funny like yes. they are two. they are both my boys. they usually come as a matched set this is true. and the random stranger who overhears you will wonder if they're my sons or perhaps my dogs but in reality they're my husbands. and also one of them isn't always a boy.
feel like that tag rant was a bad idea bc i know it’s fairly easy to poke holes into and catch me in a stupid point bc i did not take the time to like. essay-ify my thoughts and put them in order and make a compelling argument. but that post really hit a nerve and if i didnt express it i was going to explode
Idk something about getting into 60s-70s music again is so funny to me because for the past few years I was like yeah that was a phase when I was 13-14 haha can you imagine and then I woke up a couple of months ago and decided to discover all of these bands for the second time
tagged a while ago by @petesdragon and @noahclay to do this!! thanks for your patience as i have been In It with everything i have going on but here it is! :3
nine people I'd like to get to know better
last song/album: VII by jasmine wood
favorite color: aubergine purple / olive green / deep creamy brown / i love earth tones
sweet, spicy or savory: uhhh, yes. <<< gilly was so right about this so im leaving it. preferably more than one at a time
last tv show: i don't watch tv, but the last podcast i listened to was an episode of Decolonize Social Work
last film: ginger snaps (2000) with @gwenderqueer my beloved
last thing I looked up online: [the address of the starting point for the 5k i'm running on sunday so i don't get lost on my way]
relationship status: polya & with gwen for almost 2 years ++ qpps with elliot (not active on here anymore) for like ever.
current obsession: xenoidentity + Madness + alter//humanities + radical opacity aka chap. 2 of my dissertation
tagging 9 people but anyone can do it! @passerea @aers @path-forbidden @aromanticsky @emptyemptycorners @felgueirosa @lesbianlizzybennet @growtiredofpublicvulnerability @slowtides