#my body feels so bad

[slippery-minghus]

oh no. i feel like if i do not consume an entire load of bread in the very near future i will simply cease to exist.

#very uh. very worried about my finances right now #like. i'm fine. i have some savings. but i also just got to put something into my savings for the first time in a VERY long time and now #now i immediately have to take it out #and i'm getting stressed out about buying groceries #because if i dip into my savings here what about there? where is the line? #and i owe so much to taxes but i can't exactly afford getting less of my pay...... #my last paycheck was $0.66 more than my rent #my insurance is refusing to reimburse the last of my electrolysis visits from last year and like #i'm SO over the fight but that's $120. that i really actually kinda need? #and i'm starting to get that funny in the head feeling about wondering how i'm going to feed myself #i still feel so much shame about that funeral i went to years ago and my only thought during the reception after was about #how there was just so much food and i could actually eat my fill #i have leftovers for dinner tonight and it's fine but.... making a lovely vegan dish wasn't the best choice tbh #i feel like if i don't have a large helping of bread and meat i'm going to go insane #and it really REALLY doesn't help that i've apparently lost the ability to eat in the mornings #so i'm at quite a significant fuel deficit and it's stacking #but no matter how hungry i am in the morning the concept of processing solid food is just repulsive and daunting #eating a clif bar at 9am would take literally all of my spoons for the day #i was looking at protein shakes since i can handles *drinking* breakfast #but the cheapest one that meets my dietary requirements is $35 for a 12pack #and i'm uh. i'm worrying over spending $10 on produce this week #personal #and nevermind that i don't have the spoons to even GO shopping (: #(on an aside i switched back to my regular melatonin gummies last night and i Actually Slept. so hopefully that will continue and help some) #i just want to curl up in a ball on the floor and have someone gently place a roll of bread and hunk of cheese next to me in my enclosure #also it's photophobia season and i still feel like i haven't recovered from saturday #got too much sunlight and was nauseaus for half the day #my body feels so bad

[wasyago]

a random cleo in armor

#wanted to draw here but didn't have any ideas. when in doubt draw armor☝️ #cleo is fun to draw i like her color scheme. but i still need to get better at drawing different body types #this one isn't bad but i feel like i could've done better. need to practice more #hermitcraft #zombiecleo #my art #sketch #also im rushing to post all the backlogged hc art before season 10 starts so there will be 2(+) post per day until then #it's not necessary but i feel like otherwise it'll just drown in the new stuff

[ewwww-what]

These freaks are not studying (good for them)

Closeups below :)

#they all fully passed out by accident #except for Adaine who sat down with the intention of tricking Riz into napping #ugh #I fully believe that they follow the safety in numbers rule while sleeping but none of them ever admit it out loud #when ​you’ve had your body taken over by a nightmare god in the past you kinda don’t feel great sleeping alone y’know? #check out the ​Fabian and Gorgug jacket swap too cause that’s my favorite thing to do #the bad kids all wear each others clothes so much it’s hard to remember who they originally belonged to and I believe that #and they love each other so much #fantasy high #d20 #d20 fantasy high #dimension 20 #d20 fanart #fantasy high fanart #fh #fhjy #adaine abernant #riz gukgak #fabian seacaster #kristen applebees #gorgug thistlespring #fig faeth #the bad kids #kalina #Cassandra is in the stars :) #undescribed #not described #my art

[fanvoidkeith]

sometimes being aroacespec is confusing. what do you mean, most people can tell the difference between platonic and romantic and sexual attraction? what do you mean people don't "choose" crushes? what do you mean that people can imagine themselves in a physical situation with someone else?? isn't dating just Friendship Plus??? hell, isn't marriage just Friendship Plus?????????

what do they mean??????????? what are feelings???? why am i so confused????????

*edit: changed "aroace" to "aroacespec", since several aromantic people felt that this was not an Aromantic Feeling. i see you, i hear you, and so i changed it to be more accurate to me personally, since i am Confused About Feelings Always

#void keith talks #aroace #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aromantic asexual #i'm so confused as an autistic aroace person #about every emotion i have about another person ever #and i also read a lot of romance so like. i know what romance is *supposed* to look like #i know the ideal and the not ideal #but i have no idea about any sort of romantic social cues irl #because i'm bad with social cues. i miss them a lot or i misinterpret them #i'm good with body language because i was taught a lot of it early #but social cues are different and some change over time which is INCREDIBLY confusing #and also like? i don't feel stable enough or mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship #i feel like it would be unfair for a potential partner(s) for them to be in a relationship with me #because i just Don't Have My Shit Together. like at all #i Only Like Fictional People That Way #fictoromantic #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbt+ #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ #arospec #aromantic spectrum #aroacespec

[uncanny-tranny]

Sometimes, I'm sad about the hobbies I have abandoned or have been too intimidated to pick up. But... what good is it, to just beat myself up over that? My bass is sitting in the corner, patiently waiting, and so is everything else. My life isn't over, and I've got nothing to answer to. I'm wading through a sea of time, and I'll pick up the seashells that interest me, and it's okay to put one back in the sand. The current's waves will bring it back to me if that is to be destiny. I can not hate myself into productivity, so I must swim on.

I think the same can apply to anybody. It's okay if you have dropped something, such as a hobby or passion. Human beings are like that sometimes, it isn't reasonable for you to beat yourself into submission. You, too, can not hate yourself into being a well-rounded person. You must cultivate it like you would a garden - with patience, time, and care.

#positivity #encouraging words #i feel like so often people will try to hate themselves into being 'better' people... #...like fitness for instance. so many people slog through fitness not because they are interested in moving their body... #..but because they are told they must do [x] workout or look [y] way... #...and so it becomes a chore that is a means to an end. but... is that how we ought to live you think? #like i go to the gym because it's FUN. i go there to have FUN. i do what is enjoyable there! #i don't worry about anything but if i am doing a weightlife correctly (for safety) and if i am moving and having fun #why would i go to the gym if i am not having fun? fun is a *human need* regardless of age! #we are wired to do fun things - to seek out pleasure. why should we surpress that? #a well-rounded person is somebody who can be in-tune with their feelings and can recognize what is enjoyable... #...and not only that but to not feel *bad* about their feelings or needs changing (this is - at least - my opinion) #i thought this was an interesting conversation and something i sometimes struggle with and see others struggle with

[maleposting]

(artist is @/idonotexist_222 on twitter)

#i want to have his babies i want to leave hickeys all over his body i want to make him whimper and beg when i touch him #i want to hug him from behind and kiss and bite his neck i want to whisper praises in his ears whenever i can #i want him to rest his head on my chest when he sleeps i want to make him feel safe and loved i want to make him feel good #god i want him so bad #i crave for brett content #inside job brett hand #brett hand #inside job brett #andre x brett #brett hand x male reader #brett hand x reader #brett inside job #brett x andre #brett x reader #brett hand x ron staedtler #brett hand my beloved #mlm #mlm yearning #mlm thoughts #mlm and nblm only #mlm textpost #gay mlm #mlm blog #mlm post #i want him

[gottagobackintime]

Ellie is 14 years old. And while she's, in some ways, mature for her age, she should not be asked to sacrifice herself for the whole world. "She should have been given a choice and we all know she would have been fine with dying if that meant there is a cure." Absolutely not. You do not ask a 14 year old to make a choice like that. Hell, I'd argue that it's not even a choice. The fact that it's adults that would tell her that makes it even more messed up. These cool adults who are out there trying to save people tells you that you are special, that you're the key to save humanity. Of course you're going to listen to them. Especially if you've gone through the things Ellie's been through. If she as an adult wants to make that decision, sure. But not when she's a scared, vulnerable child.

Should Joel have told her that he killed all of them to save her? Probably. Then he could have explained that she's valuable, not because she's possibly the key to a cure. But because she's a human being that has feelings, that deserves to live. And you could argue as much as you want that she's old enough or mature enough to make that choice. But I don't agree. Yes, she seems to be like that, we see her being snarky and tough but the more Joel shows that he cares about her, the more she lets that mask slip. And she acts like a child would act with their parents.

If her only goal was to reach the fireflies so that she could give herself to them to do whatever with her so that they could find a cure. She wouldn't have been so angry/upset that Joel didn't want to take her, why would it matter who took her there? Because Joel cares about her, and having him let her go hurt her. She could have left Joel to die and gone to find Tommy so that he could take her, like Joel asked her to do. But she didn't because she cares about him. The way she clings to Joel when he finds her and he calls her baby girl should tell you that she isn't ready to make a decision on whether she should sacrifice herself or not. SHE IS A CHILD. And Joel allows her to be a child.

I honestly have no problem with him killing them all to save her. "He took the choice from her!" What choice? They didn't give her a choice, they didn't tell her what would happen to her. And do you really think that they would ever give her a choice. If she'd said no, do you actually believe that they would go "Ah, well. Nothing we can do then, off you go with your new dad. Bye!" Don't make me laugh. They would have just done what they did now. Sedate her and begun to harvest her for what they needed. That's not a choice. She NEVER had a choice, Joel didn't take the choice from her because it was never there. It would have been an illusion of choice. She's also traumatised, most recently from her run in with David. And you want her to make a literal life or death choice?? I completely understand why Joel decided to go on a killing spree, he's protecting a vulnerable traumatised CHILD from people who doesn't care about her, who just wants to use her body for spare parts.

It's not about choice or not having a choice, it's about being valued as a person and not having your life taken away from you by vultures.

#the last of us spoilers #the last of us #no but the rage I feel when I see people who thinks a 14 year old is old enough to make that decision! #a TRAUMATISED child on top of that #the fireflies doesn’t give a fuck about Ellie #they saw her as an object that they could kill they looked at that child and saw nothing but body parts #Joel has seen her as a human as a child who gets excited telling bad pun #*puns #and getting excited to feed a giraffe #the fireflies didn’t ask her they didn’t tell her what would happen #so fuck them I’m glad Joel killed them all #Joel has done nothing wrong in his life ever and I stand by my man #Nicole watches stuff

[b4kuch1n]

siren

#bakuspecial #cw: nudity #cw: body horror #monster #siren! I think. they're bird to me #I think this has been brewing since that stream mim did of drawing dnd monsters only from official text description #and when the official art for the sirens were shown I was like. oh thats just a woman with wings #lmao like. granted. its an official dnd book available for all audience. you cant make it too Bad To Look At #(I do not agree with this but it wasnt about me. if its about me its gonna be about very few people lmao) #but yeah. after that I got slightly too into the idea of putting more bird into birdwoman #but I also do genuinely love monsters that are Rearranged Human Parts so. I couldnt commit too much to the bird scales Im so sorry #I wanted the fleshiness. the feel. textural experience of holding her hands and being like oh that's a human #even when ur eyes tell u otherwise. mmm #...I looked to my right as I was typing these tags and saw. the fucked up pikmin I tried to sculpt the other day along with the pin #and got startled #its so. its so fucked up. gods. dusty white naked grainy parsnip #I used to have that one doll I butchered wanting to customize in a box next to me and thats way less upsetting than this. man #its perfect actually I will never throw this thing away. anyways #now. now I go to bed. its sleep time for the baku #have a good night lads! you CAN have it both way easily you just need a big bat

[clownsuu]

Ay. An offer; one doodle of lovelie for the price of answering my question 🦅

Eh? Eh?— Anyways my question is; what’s an art tip you can give that really helped you? Anything special when drawing or do you just have a hand of god?

(Btw your one of my favorite artists and I love seeing your work homie, number 1 inspo fr. Keep on cookin 🦅💞)

WAHHH THEY LOOK SO SCRUNGLYYYY (despite his many, m a n y crimes)

#Also art tips? #One of them is don't follow some of my footsteps they are unhealthy LMAOOOO #Like me pushing through despite my artblock? Very unhealthy it can lead to a unhealthy relationship with art #Ya deserve breaks when your mind and body tells you you need it! Art should be a comforting experience! #No matter how long it takes smhh #I remember my partner had a really bad art block for like a year but they are still going strong with their art! Never feel discouraged! #Also another one is sometimes a messier lighter sketch is better for more dynamic pieces #If ya work too hard on your base it can lead to your piece feeling flat and too stiff #Go crazy go stupid! You might be surprised with what you can accomplish! #Don't be afraid to go outta your comfort zone with art stuff! You might find details you quite enjoy! HUZZAH! #Also also I fuggin love the liddol beetle doodles on the side of her LMAO SO TEENSY TINY #I'M SO HAPPY YA GAMERS ENJOY MY DUM LIDDOL ARTS IM JUST A LIL GUY BDJDJDJDJD;;;;

[darubyprincx]

to be, or not to be (romanticization of the inevitable)

#ray's tag #keys' art #undescribed #skeletons #ok to reblog #the skeleton model that i traced for this was provided by the incredible kiku @kikunai whom you can find right here on tumblr! #so uh. This is a piece about chronic fatigue although the original idea i had for it drifted a bit as soon as I started coloring the linear #(i really enjoy shading and lighting things and got a bit carried away here but i stand by my choice because this is my favorite thing #that i've ever drawn) #anyways. i often feel especially lately with school being back in season that my bones are leaden with this sort of. weariness. theyre heav #it weighs on our mental health and energy a lot and although there's a couple of reasons we have been given for it #that doesn't remove the fact that this is still a thing that affects us in a very real way day to day although we are good at masking it. #often i come home to find that i do not have the physical mental or creative energy to work on things i really want to #especially project: nexus which i feel extra bad about even though i can't help it because i just started it so recently #it is a mild to moderate struggle to make it day to day and i just. wanted to represent this somehow #my original concept for this was a skeleton with some black goop gunk whatever leaking from its joints #but as i started adding the cracks and coloring them gold (a personal touch; kintsugi is a concept that is very dear to us) #i realized that the focus here was less on the condition itself and more on the body that it afflicts. #so i put it into a spotlight. #ironic i know since very little people acknowledge this irl or even know it exists at all but i added rim lighting. I added color gradients #I colored the lineart and made it all fancy and even added a flare for the head to get the point across that even at its core; disability i #a performance. this is not implying that disabilities are fake in fact this is the opposite of that. i wanted to show that with disabilitie #especially i think in my personal opinion the invisible ones #we are all masking at least a little bit during the vast majority of the day. humans are social creatures and it is only when we are alone #or with someone we deeply trust where we allow ourselves to be who we truly are without fear and even then that can be rare #so i wanted to show this bit of the soul in as broad a limelight as i could. idk this is a really abstract piece and i dont know if anyone #will even get it but it matters to me at least. and even though we've been largely bedridden for the past week i think that's okay #we will get it figured out. all of us. okay? okay. i love you. i fucking love you. we are going to fucking make it #(also the xes over the eyes are because i thought they looked cool they have no deeper meaning at least i think they dont #actually i think they do but i cant put it into words idk. Art is subjective assign your own meaning i'm gonna go get a shower)

[maulfucker]

So fucked up that obimaul is a rarepair. What do you mean not everyone is obsessed with enemies to lovers with a Force connection, where one side is completely obsessed with the other who barely acknowledges him (but is just as affected)

#hm i should make an original post tag #obimaul #like. say what you want but obi-wan saw a random dathomirian zabrak and immediately went 'maul?? alive??' #he DOES care about maul he just doesn't actively seek him out like maul does #post prompted by this song that makes me think about Maul in his crime lord era‚ all the luxury of the world within his reach‚ #but none of it satisfies him because what he really wants is to find (and kill) kenobi #'another night up in the best suite; everything's gone wrong already‚ my body admits; dreaming so high the floor is the limit; #once again i got lost.. [...] another night i give myself‚ top of a skyscraper; i'm the king of the world‚ dreams for rent; #and when i look at myself i sigh with a low voice‚ 'i don't feel bad i just feel nothing'' #(<- song is são paulo‚ 2015 by jão) #it's a song about feeling dissatisfied with the life of fame because there's an emptiness he can't fill with sex drugs or luxuries #and from the context of the album it's likely he's thinking about a past lover he's still not over #so. imagine with me. #i might make something out of this. maybe. #but like. posting about songs that make me think obimaul thoughts. not very productive. almost no audience. #... and while making this post i've been attacked by yet another song with a very obimaul words #'lie to me‚ run from me‚ we swear it doesn't count‚ in this way of ours‚ but it's not because i hate you that i can't kiss you anymore' #<- pilantra by jão and anitta

[pessimisticprincess]

anyone in the market for a chunky gremlin wife/baby momma

#screenshots of a cringe video i took trying to get used to how my body looks i just feel so separated from myself #i was definitely sitting on my wand which i think you can kinda see but i was too sad to nut rip #these are so bad quality just like the person in them lmao posting from a q during the busiest time at work bc i’m insecure<3 #anyways its friday so here is my fat ass #body

[harrowharkwife]

i hope yellowjackets never gives a clearcut answer vis a vis the whole "how much of it is the supernatural and how much of it is the trauma" question, but like, at this point my best guess for tai is that she physically has a screw loose in the most literal sense possible. like something is not right up there. and i don't even mean in the mental illness sense, they're all deeply traumatized and different shades of mentally ill at this point, but like- this degree of sleepwalking, and dissociating, and losing time? it's giving neurological damage, it's giving uniquely horrible and very strange form of traumatic brain injury. like that plane crash knocked something Loose i swear to god

#poor tai i feel SO bad for her. the beginning of this episode.... babygirl :( #personally i think some of it is mental illness/trauma and some of it is the supernatural bc this show likes to do both #but tai is like... on another level at this point #and yes she saw the man with no eyes as a child #but this is starting to feel like Something in the wilderness is able to break through and take control of her at night #BECAUSE she's basically 'checking out' of her own brain intermittently - those moments where she's not in the driver's seat of her own mind #Something Else is taking that as an opportunity and hijacking her body i think. that's my theory. #and she's just visualizing that Something Else in the shape of her terrifying childhood vision #does this make any sense. #yellowjackets #yellowjackets spoilers

[uncanny-tranny]

I'm still thinking about how ashamed I was (and am) with being open about my pain because I am so young. It's so hard to feel worthy of having your pain taken seriously when the people around you insist that young bodies are always in pristine, untouched condition and that you must earn your pain through aging. Never is it considered that young people aren't lying or being a hypochondriac for expressing their pain.

Young people can be in life-altering pain. Young people can have debilitating pain. It doesn't matter what age it happens because pain doesn't discriminate. Complaining about pain and doing things to prevent needless pain aren't something you have to "earn" through aging.

If you want young people to be in less or lesser pain, then encourage them to do whatever they can to minimize it. Don't downplay what they're experiencing. Not everything is a lie, not every experience that is different than yours is exaggeration or deceit.

#disability #ableism #ableism tw #this is one of the big reasons i was ashamed of admitting when i am in pain #and it's one of the reasons i was ashamed to address the pain i have #and i'm angry about that actually! nobody should fear being labeled as essentially having munchausen syndrome because... #...'young people NEVER have pain or disabilities and you're a liar!' #i really do want to start addressing my pain because i know it's not normal but holy shit batman it can suck sometimes #i honestly like talking to my dad about this because he also has a lot of pain (moreso than i do now) but he actually TRIES to listen... #putting this in the disability tag but i still don't feel right about labeling my own pain as such... #...but i know so many people with disabling pain who would relate... #...maybe it's internalized ableism on my part or maybe i just want to be respectful of people with worse pain #this is me really just reflecting on m the fact that i haven't ever had an amazing body in a lot of ways (though i am lucky still) #i'm still thinking about having an emergency cane to help me get up when my pain is bad but idk if it's worth the investment #so if anybody reading this has suggestions (esp. for those with back pain)... please hook me up i will platonically love you forever

[jimmyspades]

ENDLESS LOVE (1981) COCAINE: ONE MAN'S SEDUCTION (1983) THE FAMILY TREE (1983) A KILLER IN THE FAMILY (1983) THE NEW KIDS (1985) TUFF TURF (1985) LESS THAN ZERO (1987) JACK'S BACK (1988) SEX, LIES, AND VIDEOTAPE (1989) WHITE PALACE (1990) BAD INFLUENCE (1990) DREAM LOVER (1993) CRASH (1996) DRIFTWOOD (1997) SUPERNOVA (2000) THE STICKUP (2002) SECRETARY (2002) BOSTON LEGAL (2006) THE OFFICE (2012)

#um. just an assortment of favorite shots no correlation #I miss him taking his clothes off SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! #james spader #body #* #do I really feel like tagging all of these. #the office #boston legal #secretary #crash 1996 #the stickup #supernova #driftwood #dream lover #bad influence #white palace #sex lies and videotape #jack’s back #less than zero #tuff turf #the new kids #a killer in the family #the family tree #cocaine #endless love #a gd-sent original the man of my dreams 🙏

[3-aem]

MY BRAINS NOT WORKING AND THE CUTE BOY I WORK WITH KEEPS CORRECTING MY GRAMMAR THIS IS SO AHAIWIAKSDHDGRRRRHRNE

#dhakaksdjs fuckdwkufeisfjsjajsueei #im using a translator and it keeps outputting 您 instead of 你 and he keeps calling it out like bro ur making it awkward #AND IM LIKE SORRY I CANT ACTUALLY WRITE IN THIS LANGUAGE IM REALLY DU M. BB #also he offered to take over the last part bc i was like hi its almost 9pm here and i literally cannot think anymore #like i am certain its a very easy last part my brain is just finished #i feel so bad bc i wanted to push this proj over the line #this company is so intense i am so baby i am so tired #hugging my cat and rubbing my gross face all over his gross body #me in vc trying to figure out how to say: it was broken earlier idk how it was fixed u saw it was broke tho right #but all that came out was: in the past it was….problematic… *20 yr silence* #before he awkwardly went: um its okay i dont think this is necessary also u have lint issues #and i was just like ya….i know 😭 #its ambiguous to some of my teammates if i just dont understand them or if im fking dumb #its probably both im ngl #the blank stare i have on my face is first from trying to comprehend what the actual words they are saying mean #and then to comprehend what technical concept they are trying to convey #using like 50% of the information i managed to parse out #also im used to literally spending 30-40% of the working day talking smack #now i try to crack and joke and everyone is like three this isnt the time #three we are all gonna be hear past 9pm working this isnt the time