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#my 'complaints' were in the context of knowing about both of them and the shock of these 2 interests ever intersecting
ei-mugi · 1 year
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i enjoyed getting heated over something silly for fun but im just now seeing some past distress ppl had over the poll on the blog & i feel a little bad haha i dont actually have any problem with ii or its fans like ive said i was one myself in the past
#being familiar with both ships though i still do prefer wataei#my 'complaints' were in the context of knowing about both of them and the shock of these 2 interests ever intersecting#i dooooooooo have a lot of opinions on ii as a show but none of them are like. 'you shouldnt like object shows cuz theyre dumb'#i got enough of that said 2 me by other people at the time#fan still sucks tho. worst character. microphone best character she deserved the win#when they go back to finishing season 2 in a decade's time they BETTER make the pickle/taco reunion happen in the next episode#the poll prompted me to watch like an episode of season 3 just to see what was up w it#and it was like fine. i watched episode 9. but i cant say it still holds my interest like it used to#especially not since s3 is an au and none of the plotlines are continued there#lol i remember when s2e12 p2 came out there was so much controversy#cuz paintbrush was eliminated that episode but it was also when they came out as nonbinary#i hope they make transgirl lightbulb canon still. that would be cool#paintbulb may not be my otp but they are t4t#all in all the thing about the osc (object show community) is that honestly its just a really sweet place over all#like its really lovely for so many kids to have a community where theyre encouraged to be creative and stuff#duh a lot of the shows arent gonna be good theyre being made by kids. but thats whats great about it#i like laughing over some stuff but i always feel the need to like say stuff like this cuz i think it sucks that people make fun of#stuff kids like to do so much esp as an autistic kid who was always made fun of for everything i liked#cringe culture definitely seeped into my bones a bit but i try to combat it
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7ken3 · 1 month
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tw. MINORS DNI, fem/afab! reader, quite the buildup n plot, reader found out she has a thing for choking, bit of voyeurism, breast play, possibly ooc gallagher, oral (fem receiving), scratching, implied impact play, smut grows into fluff but with tiny bit of angst, protected sex, no proofreading cuz all done in one sitting teehee
notes. the things i want gallagher to do to me after that trailblazer quest... like the new update just made me go full on feral thoughts for him
—;;
Gallagher reminds me of that neighbour that has been living beside you for years, that neighbour who he, kinda unfortunate for you, has seen everything, from your past lover storming out of your house, to your coos echoing in your house directed to your pet, to you walking out to pick up your order, and yada yada, you get it.
He has seen it all, heard it all.
And what he has heard from you ranges on a lot of contexts... let's say your laughter, your complaints, your cries, and also your cries — of pleasure.
What shocked you the most after living beside him, acknowledging each other's presence for more than half a decade, was the thought of him popping up in your mind while you were going at it. At first, you thought:
"Hey... this is... wrong! I shouldn't be thinking about my neighbour like that..."
But once he appears, then disappears, and when you thought that'd be final, there's the image again, but with him pressing you up against the wall, a hand carrying your leg while the other hand presses gently around your throat- Woah! Around... my throat?
It was all too good, all too... exciting, yet it's still bad.
Maybe just this once... it wouldn't hurt, right?
And just when Gallagher thought that this be the last time he'll hear your moans and begs through the wall separating your houses, your rooms, he finds himself in the same position again like the other night, his back leaning against the wall with a hand cupping his length as he strokes himself. He doesn't know why and not precisely when did he begin becoming aroused to the thought of you engulfed around his cock. Becoming so... accustomed to whatever this is.
He doesn't know when had he begin to start imagining your body bouncing on his member, or have you whine and cry as he pounds himself into you while having you spread open with your hands gripping the sheets above your head, telling him to don't stop.
He blames you that's for sure, and he blames himself too, mostly, for being attracted to you in the first place. At some point in time he wasn't sure if all this was just lust on your part, since this new stage where he finds your frequent moans and cries arousing was just a bonus point on his perspective.
Heck, it has come to a point where he has to double check in the morning when all strings of control broke loose from your offer one evening.
"You wanna try my dessert? It's my special and just... thought of sharing them with you!" You chimed, hands both clasping on the fence. It only takes for him to lean further in like he always does, for you to hitch a breath, for him to stare into those beautiful, glossy orbs of yours, and for two sentences to be exchanged:
"Why not, y/n? Bring them over later so we can enjoy them while we chat."
"Sure!"
God none of you knew that the moment after he opens the gates for you, closes the door behind him, and after you've placed your dessert on the counter, that it would be this... quiet.
The two of you stared at each other, being a meter apart at the moment feels... daunting enough for the both of you. What if he steps closer? Would he scare you off and ruin the vibe? Or what if you stepped closer and close the distance, just to go along with your fantasies and fulfil your subconscious longing that has grown over time for him.
Then your bodies clashed, as if both minds were on the same wavelength about the same thing, your hands fumbled across your clothes, the two of you not sure where to begin. He was yearning and you were craving for each other's touch.
The room now fills with pants, your hands slid up to his chest and to his stubbled jaw, his hands squeezes your waist before venturing down to grope your ass. You swear that the further your bodies press against each other it might soon become one.
"Gallag-" your hand cradles his neck, "-gher", as your right leg lifts up, your lips molding together with his before he hoists you up to wrap your legs around him. It was all too fast, all too fast that you're both in his bedroom, clothes messily and not even completely torn off each other. He gazes dreamily at you, admiring your body under the warm evening light, how the sunset orange hue washed over your body, eccentuating the curves and dents of your perked mounds.
Was this even reality?
Now that you're beneath him and how he has his clothed member pressed against your clothed sex. A moan slips off your lips as his calloused hands graze past your belly and up to grab your tits. He squeezes and jiggles them, playing and toying your bud until you're a squirming mess beow. Too much, this feeling you've thought of countless times begins to feel too much!
You arched your back in response, and he toys them further, rolling his thumbs on your buds before coming down to kiss you. He never thought he'll hear your moans this clearly in his ears, especially when he goes further down to suckle on your nipple while the other hand ventures further down, tracing patterns on your stomach before going lower and lower, until he decides to flick his tongue at your swollen bud due to how wet you've become. At this point he couldn't care how messily you're gripping his hair, he lowers his head down to the wet spot between your legs.
"How long have you been waiting for this?" He asks, chuckling at the sight.
You waste no time in replying to his question, "So long. So, so long, Gallagher."
"Ya know, y/n... I... nevermind." He whispers towards the end, not wanting to dwell on a possibility that might never happen.
What was he to you anyway? He was merely a neighbour, a friend, nothing more.
Even though the chemistry is strong, what type of chemistry is this? Based on lust? Based on cravings?
It isn't love, right?
"What is it?" Carefully, as if he might pull away, you try to move your hands to cup his face, only for him to press his face firmly onto your sex, your hands now carefully pinned by your sides. You buck your hips when you felt his wet, warm tongue pressing against your entrance. "Please- just- just-"
He retracts and hums before poking at your entrance again. The slight sensation leaves you whining before he releases your hands to hold onto your hip, the other pushing the fabric aside for him to swallow you whole in his mouth. He licks, sucks, nibble the side of your thighs. You taste even better than he had imagined, and he becomes more eager at each beg and cry he gets to pull out of your panting wet lips. He pauses for a moment, perhaps fearing he might go mindless into eating your wet pussy out.
"Tell me if you need me to stop," he pauses, hoping that he wouldn't make you uncomfortable, "I don't wanna make you uncomfortable-"
"Gallagher." This time not caring to be gentle, you pull his face up, all he can do is to blink at you, wondering if he has ruined the mood, wondering the reason behind the firm tone of your voice. "I..."
Your pause only leaves him more nervous than he anticipated, he doesn't show it, yet his mind is running around the places right now. You? You what?
Watching as you grow hesitant, his voice now soft, asks out to you. "You...?"
"I want you."
His heart stops. I... want you?
"Y/n, really... Are you sure?"
"Yes, I want you. I need you."
Immediately he buries himself into the taste of your pussy, licking and sucking any liquid off your entrance. Your moans grow from begs and gasps to cries of gibberish, cries of how good he's making you feel.
The two of you went on and on, condom after condom, scratches after scratches. Hours went by, and rounds after rounds were done. By the time the two of you come for the umpteenth time, his bedsheets now become a mess as the both of you lay there, panting, heaving. The stings on your bodies now barely felt as a fog of satisfaction clouds your minds.
"I want you."
The words echo in his mind again, guess he might need to check again with you in the morning if you ever decide to stay over for the night tonight.
Though, he's now sure he doesn't have to when he realizes he has fallen all over again for you in the dark of his room tonight, turning his head at your call to find you gazing up at him, as if the stars were now a part of your irises. Your arms now loosely wrapped around his waist, your laid body snuggled much closer to his seated figure as a soft murmur slips out, now becoming a memento of tonight.
"Stay, Gallagher."
—;;
©  2024 at 7ken3, do not repost or plagiarize.
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eddiernunson · 11 months
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Take it Slow | Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader | 18+
Blurb from my long form Eddie x Fem!Reader story Trapped (go check it out if you're in the mood for a long read)
This is just the smut. There is some missing in-story context that wasn't necessary to the smut...and a bit of fluff but anywho. so that's what [...] means.
Warnings: public grinding, (not public sex), teasing, a slow bj, slut shaming, dirty talk, a bit use of y/n, aftercare, oral (both), lap dance...I think that's it
I'm actually quite proud of this part. It takes place after they just get together and but don't have any time to spend over the week with one another so they just get revved up.
Word Count: 4.9 k
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You finally reach the hellfire table, all members looking up at you as you approach, Eddie with a wild look in his eye. “Uh, hello,” You greet, gulping.
“Hi, sweetheart,” Eddie gets up, walking around his bandmembers. “Come on over.” He grabs your hand, yanking you to where he was sat. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, is the only thing on your mind.
Jared is looking at Eddie bewildered, seeing a new side of Eddie Munson he’s never seen before. “So, this the girl you were telling us about, Ed?”
As you’re sat on his lap, you glance at him, your eyes wide in surprise. “You told them about me?”
Mike looks around him, bewildered. “Am I the only one that didn’t know about these two? I mean I knew she liked him but I didn’t know they got together.”
“That’s cause the only thing you’re interested in right now is El,” You comment, Nancy’s complaints fresh on your mind. “on the phone, for hours.”
Dustin glances looks to him, shocked. As his friends are judging him with wide smiles, you grab a slice of melon, tossing it into your mouth, amused. Eddie pulls you tighter into his arms, proud. “Dude, hours?” Dustin asks, his brows raised to his curls. “C’mon.”
Mike’s nose is scrunched up, his brows knitted together. “There’s no way she could know that! She’s lying.”
You smile evilly, glancing at Nancy who is at your normal table sat next to Robin. “I mean, I’ve watched my fair share of movie marathons in your basement, Wheeler. You don’t think we see that the line is busy for 120 consecutive minutes?”
The table breaks into laughter, and your stomach finally calms down. Gareth starts bringing up an idea for the newest campaign for Lucas’ character, a joke character he and Dustin invented on the phone with Will one night. As the conversation continues and you can’t contribute, you settle into his lap.
Eddie doesn’t talk much, not nearly as much as he would’ve liked to. Your skirt is short enough to the point where it barely covers your ass, therefore your pretty pink panties poking out and almost nothing between your hot cunt and his jeans.
You notice his lack of participation eventually, leaning back to where your back against his chest, your mouth against his ear. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
Nothing was wrong. Especially now, where your ass is at an angle where it can finally run against the hard-on he was nursing. “Nothing, sweetheart. Just enjoying my time with you.”
As soon as you leaned back, you felt Eddie’s hard cock against your ass, realizing why he was so uncharacteristically quiet. You pretended not to notice. Just enjoying my time with you, my ass, you thought. Much to his dismay, you stay quiet too, pretending to adjust yourself by wiggling on him, leaning forward to grab your juice, licking your lips as you glance back to tell him something, you really rub the salt in his wound.
“Eddie, you okay?” Dustin asks, naïve and unassuming. He had just noticed Eddie wasn’t saying much.
“Of course! Sore hip from rehearsing so much lately, is all.” Eddie explains grimacing while he rubs his hip for special effect.
Gareth laughs audibly, a little too loud. “Sure, Eddie. You’re sore from rehearsing so much. Mhm.” Josh gives Gareth a fist bump, and suddenly you wonder if Eddie has told anything to his friends like you had to yours. Was Eddie ok if you did? Were you ok if he did?
Eddie hasn’t, not exactly open about his love life when he realized some of his own friends had the wrong idea about him. He shrugged at Gareth, pretending not to know what he was talking about. He didn’t sway them either way, [...erased some unnecessary backstory from story...it got long.]
When you sat forward in his lap, chewing on some fruit while listening intently as Dustin started explaining their campaign, you started subtly wiggled your ass, pulling Eddie out of his downward spiral, remembering how just hard he was.
As you wiggled you could feel his cock start to get harder, and you could feel how wet you were. If you weren’t careful, you would be leaving a very wet stain on his jeans. I should stop, you realized, Eddie leaning back and staring at the ceiling for strength. You hopped to one leg, throwing your leg so you were sitting bridal style.
“You stopped.” He states, his brown eyes staring into yours.
“Yeah well the next step was a little too much for the public eye.” You said, staring at into his eyes, them pulling you like a gravity. Next thing you knew, you were kissing him, your mouth feeling electric against his. He inserted his tongue into your mouth, silk against your own as he had complete control over you. Eddie’s arm wrapped around your waist, you feeling his strong arm hold you.
Far off, somewhere in the distance you hear Lucas say, “Okay, we get it. You like each other chill out.”
The arm around you lifts flipping them off, and you remember something you pictured very clearly last week in a dark atmosphere. There you were, picturing kissing him on his lap at lunch as he told you he wants to show off the person he’s dating.
Here he was showing, you off, one of his hands framing your face and you melted. One of his friends come up to you, you hear “Get a room” and Eddie swats them off, not giving a shit.
Eddie finally pulls away from you, lips shiny and your core aching from the lack of attention. Your thighs clench together, a dead giveaway to Eddie that you are wanting it just as much as he is and pulling away was the right thing to do. “You okay, princess?”
You stare back at him, eyelids half open. “Yeah,” you reply, your voice giving away just how smitten you were with him. “I will need convincing to go to math, though.”
Eddie laughs, tightening his arms around you as he wraps you into a hug. “Hey, uh, guys.” Dustin says. You both separate, looking at him expectantly. “You’re adorable and all, but, I’m getting sick from looking at ya.”
“Seriously, what did you do to him?” Mike asks, mourning the loss of the terribly cool dude he worshipped. (Truth is that version of Eddie was just a very edited version of a person Eddie chose to show.) “He’s whipped, now.”
You glare at Mike, your nostrils flared. “Two hours, Mike! Don’t even start with me Mr. I can’t wait to hold your hand again.” Eddie chuckles under you, hiding his amusement in your shoulder.
[...]
-
[...]
-
Eddie finally opened his trailer door with a large smack, him grinning manically. “So do you-“ Well, Eddie was about to ask you if you wanted something to eat, but you couldn’t even wait that long. You practically jump into him, planting your lips onto his, sliding his tongue onto yours. “Holy shit,” Eddie gasps between kisses.
“Shut up,” you mutter, wanting to make good use of his tongue. “Just kiss me.”
Eddie laughs into your mouth, all giggles and smiles. He follows your request wordlessly, opening his mouth wider. As you continue to kiss, wet, and slick, a certain buzz went through you, tingling from your core up to your chest, causing you to forget how to breathe. You let go of his lips, gasping for air. “Remember to breathe, baby, breathe,” Eddie chuckles, rasping into your mouth.
“Your lips taste too good to remember to breathe, Ed,” you say, just higher than a whisper.
He rasps back, “You’re so eager, sweetheart.”
As you’ve been kissing, Eddie has been moving you both slowly, unsure of where you were headed. He had his room in mind initially, but somehow ended up in the kitchen. Your feet hit the floor of the tiles, the transition of carpet to smooth titles startling you. You feel Eddie’s smile turn up wider, chuckling at the way you let out a surprised gasp when your feet hit the tiles. It was only two more steps before you bump into the counter. As soon as Eddie feels your torso bump into the bottom cupboards, his hands make their way to your hips, lifting you effortlessly onto the granite.
The feeling of the hard countertop hits your ass, your legs wrapping around Eddie’s waist without any hesitation. “What are you wanting, princess?” Eddie asks, moving his lips to your jaw, his tongue feeling like heaven tingling your throat.
“I just want you,” you answer honestly. You couldn’t necessarily remember wanting Eddie in any specific ways, you just wanted him.
Eddie tightens his grip on your hips, causing you to hiss. “Princess,” he says, sounding sterner. “What the fuck would you like me to do to you.”
You grasp at his face, putting his lips back to yours. “I really want us to take it slow.” You admit softly. “I loved this morning but it went by too quickly, happened too fast.”
He smiled at your admission, one hand raising to your hair. “Oh we can do that.”
You continue kissing him, tilting your head when required and doing your best to copy what he’s doing. After a bit, you couldn’t tell how long, he slips his strong arms under your ass, supporting you surprisingly well. He lifts you, straddling his hips, feeling his already hard cock poking you through his jeans. He takes you to his room and sits on his bed, where you straddle his lap.
Your sleeves are too long for you, Eddie’s jacket consuming your hands. You’re already struggling with the sleeves when Eddie takes his hands from your hips to your shoulders, helping you take off his jacket. “You look so beautiful today, sweetheart.”
Your cheeks heat up in response, your forehead leant against his. “Grab my ass,” you request, your skin burning from the lack of contact.
Eddie’s mouth watered from this request alone, smoothing his hands along your thighs before he grabs your ass, still above on the fabric of your barely there skirt.
Your noses were touching, your lips brushing against one another’s when you realize what Eddie was doing, still teasing on you. Shit, you were so close to kissing. You lift your skirt up, having his hands drop directly down to the apples of your butt. It feels phenomenal when his hands finally grab your non covered ass cheeks. “Harder, please.” Eddie chuckles, more than willing to fulfill your desires. You let a small moan out, just enough to get Eddie riled up.
After Eddie finally grabs your ass properly, you whine into it, your face all twisted up. Subconsciously you’re craving some friction, your hips moving down to grind up against his lap. Your cunt was only protected by the cotton pink panties you wore, your heat against his hard cock. Eddie wanted to rip off your clothes and fuck himself into you as soon as he felt your cunt against him, holding back with a high amount of struggle. For the moment, he settled with “Oh, f-fuck, can’t wait to put my cock in you.”
Right after Eddie says this you rip off his shirt you were wearing, toss it into the wind.
Eddie brings your slinky little strap on your shoulder down, causing half your tiny shirt to fall, sultrily hanging off your shoulder. He takes in the sight of you on his lap, your cunt right against his cock and your face already looking fucked out. The very sight of you already so blissed with him makes him groan, internally smiling.
He leans in, kisses your cupid’s bow, soft and sweet. You almost can’t take it, wanting more than soft and sweet. You wanted him, wanted so much more. His hand travels from your back to your breast, lightly massaging it to start. You whine lightly, encouraging him to put in more force behind it, massaging harder. This new reaction is just the thing Eddie wants to hear. “Is this slow enough, or should I go slower?” Eddie teases, lifting your exposed bra off your now budded nipple.
He leans into your chest, his tongue hanging deliciously from his mouth as he leans into your exposed tit. When his tongue finally reaches contact with your budded nipple it’s far too light, a teasing touch, if anything. You lean forward, an effort to gain more contact against his tongue, but he leans back, knowing exactly what your plan was. “Patience, or I will make you wait longer,” Eddie said, only lightly moving his tongue on your nipple.
You groan, annoyed and now wanting more. Your pussy clenches and you remember his cock still underneath you from the reaction of it twitching. Instead of moping, you start to roll your hips on him again, as you do so his mouth instinctively moving straight into sucking on your nipple, teeth grazing against it as if forgetting about making you wait.
You thought he was being accidental, but he was really just rewarding you. He leaves wet kisses on your breast, starting to move down with kisses between the valley of your boobs but his hand massaging the other boob he hasn’t touched yet. He sists up, moving towards your shoulder to lightly bite down to tease you even more. “I can’t wait to fuck you,” he mutters between small bites.
You sit above him, your hand now hovers over his cock. Kissing him hot and heavy, your tongue dancing with his own in an expert dance you two have already memorized, you silently ask if you’re able to put your hand down his pants. “Are you sure?” Eddie nods vigorously, his cock twitching at the idea of you touching him again. Eddie had the thought of you to get him through the week, but fucking into his own hand pretending it was your pussy clenching around him did nothing compared to your real thing.
“I’m sure,” You lightly tease, starting to cup him over his pants. Eddie’s head leans back against his wall when you finally but barely touch him, his eyes rolled back into his head. It wasn’t very long before his hips are bucking, begging you for more. “Please more,” he begs, his voice raspy and breathing heavy. “Baby, give me more, please.”
You can’t help but remember when Eddie was being a shithead in World Geo class, lightly teasing you through your panties. It was funny, how much he liked to tease you, considering how he buckles under your touch the moment you so much as softly graze on him. This man loved to tease you, but he was still a goddamn virgin when you met him. You unbuckle his handcuff belt, with only a slight struggle in working the mechanics of it. Eddie offered to help, his thumbs looping underneath his both his briefs and his jeans.
You glance up at him, blinking as if to say, What do you think you’re doing? You tap his hand lightly, causing the band of the briefs to snap back down against his hips. “Slow, remember, baby?”
Eddie groans, impatient. You had a feeling he would give the same energy back when he had the chance, but you felt your pussy become wetter at the very idea of it. You welcomed the idea. You let his jeans fall to his knees, his cock on now tenting in his briefs. Your mouth watered at the very sight of it, wanting to feel the weight of it on your tongue. If anything, sucking his cock got you off as much as it did him.
Despite these wants, you grab at the side of his tented tock, putting your mouth on his cock over his briefs, your hot breath causing him to jolt his hips up. The thought occurs to you, and you hesitate very faintly, your hand pressing against his cock as you think about it for only a second. One second is all it takes, the idea taking over your brain and almost being too much for you to handle. Your tongue leaves your mouth, using it against his girth and fully being able to taste the cotton of his briefs. The cotton was unpleasant, but the way he instantly flung his head back with his thighs flexing hard all worth it.
You mouth him more, your tongue finally used to the cottony feeling. “Jesus fucking Christ, princess.” He whimpers, his voice soft and rough, eyes wide open staring at his ceiling.
A few more minutes pass by as you mouth him, teasing all you can and memorizing every moan and whimper that leaves his mouth. By the time your fingers are ready to yank his underwear down too, Eddie was begging you to finally lick his dick, the tent in his underwear was soaked, covered in your saliva. “Please, Y/N. Please, just fucking put your dirty little mouth on my cock.”
You were smirking, yanking his briefs down and putting his cock straight to the back of your throat, taking in as much as you could. You had mentally prepared yourself for him to thrust his hips up, his tip hitting your uvula. As you bob your head, getting a good rhythm, you feel the amount of spit in your mouth increase. Opening your mouth, you let a large amount of saliva drop onto his length, covering his cock in spit, absolutely the most sinful image of anyone he’s ever seen.
Your eyes were focused on his cock, your mouth covered in your own spit as each bob of your head covered him in even more spit, embracing the messy blowjob. Your pretty lips are wrapped around him, one of your hands around the base where you couldn’t reach. Your hair was a beautiful kind of messy, most strands pushed behind your ears but a few strands hanging by your cheek.
Finally, after not being able to tell how much time has passed, long enough for your jaw to hurt, your mouth pulls away with a pop, jerking him off with your hand absentmindedly as you take in his state. Eddie is laying underneath you, his thighs open as yours normally are when he’s making you come undone. You use your forearm to wipe your mouth, the base of his cock now covered and your chin wet.
As soon as you look at him, his eyes open wildly, and before you can register it, he’s sitting up fast and grabbing you into his arms. You crawl onto him, straddling him once more as your panties nearly misses his cock, slightly teasing both him and you. Eddie roughly grabs you by your torso, almost bruising your ribcage. “Let me fuck you now, please.” Eddie pleads, his hips thrusting up as the head of his dick brushes against your panties.
His cock teasing you so makes you moan loudly, resting both hands onto his shoulders.
“See, my little slut also wants my cock inside her sweet little pussy, huh?” He comments.
You glance at him, wondering how he went from falling apart underneath you to amazingly confident/cocky once again. In spite of your momentary wonder his words still made you melt into him, your legs barely being able to hold yourself up. “P-please”, you find yourself begging him anyway.  
Hearing your own contradictions from teasing him playfully to desperately moaning as he teases you moves Eddie to hook your leg and move on-top of you. Your arms cross to take off your top, Eddie watching with appreciating eyes. It was a shame you were so focused on taking of the slinky top of yours, eyes closed because the look in his eyes he was giving you was absolutely depraved. Eddie took you in, eyeing every imperfection, every freckle, every dip and curve of your body.
Eddie grabbed your skirt, pulling it up your torso and over your head. “That’s better”, he muttered, nearly drooling at the sight of your skin all exposed except for your pink panties still grinding against his exposed cock. His hand moves up your thigh, sending shivers down your spine as his finger makes its way through one of your leg holes, sliding itself along your slick. “I-I think you’re even wetter than before.” He comments, sounding stunned. “Did sucking my cock get you off, princess?”
“You sound really good,” you manage to get out as Eddie only lightly treads on your folds. It feels good, but you’re craving more friction, harder. Your knitted eyebrows are a dead giveaway to what you’re thinking.
Eddie had to push passed aside that you just alluded that you were getting off to the sounds of him getting off. “Aww, I thought sweetheart wanted to go slower today?”
Your nails dig into his chest, annoyed. You were really starting to regret asking him this now. “More, please Eddie.”
His name moaned through your lips for the first time was like music to his ears. “Say that again?” He asks, quietly, his fingers pausing to grab your attention.
Your eyes open to see Eddie’s eyes fixated on them, scaring you with how intense they were. “Say what?”
“My name, Y/N. Say it again?”
You smirked and tossed your head back, memorizing the way he looked and sounded. “Keep doing that, and I will.”
Your panties were ripped off your legs without a moments hesitation. Eddie grabbed your legs, pulling your ass down so your pussy is face to face with you. “Oh, I fucking will.” He muttered against your puffy pussy lips, leaning right in and devouring you from the start, almost like he forgot to take his time with you in favour of listening to moan his name again.
Eddie was working his tongue on you, flicking occasionally into your entrance, completely engulfing your juices as you get wetter and wetter. “Look how wet my baby is,” Eddie says, putting emphasis on each word.
You had your hands in his hair, moving it out of his face, getting a better view of how focused he was trying to make you feel good. The sight of him, eyes closed, tongue moving was undeniably perfect, his eyelashes framing his cheeks nicely. Each lick Eddie gave you hit a wave of pleasure through you, your legs tensing and starting to shake.
“Eddie, feels so- fuck feels so good.” You manage, surprised your fucked out brain could even manage to say anything to begin with.
Eddie holds where he is for only one second more after you moan his name, the exact thing he was looking for. He sits up suddenly, his now neglected cock now in his hand, jerking himself off as he repositions himself. “That’s what I was looking for, princess. Now, be a good slut and take my cock, won’t you?”
You nod, eyes watery and cunt feeling sensitive but still slick as Eddie’s words got to you.
He positions himself at your entrance, his cock teasing you. “Please fuck me, please.” You cry out, wanting to feel full.
Eddie slams himself into you, bottoming out without pacing . You don’t even realize what’s happening at first, as he stretches you out and you have to adjust, him slowly thrusting. “Holy f-fuck!” Eddie is groaning, his words a mix of moans and worship. “Your sweet little pussy is so tight- so perfect.”
“Your pussy-“ you manage, grabbing one hand stationed at your hip, and placing it onto your neck. You tap it with your other hand. “Pressure- jugular, not esophagus,” you explain, your cocked out brain needing the feeling of his ringed hand around your throat.
Eddie just barely understands what you’re getting at, then he feels your pulse and gets it. He tightens his grip slightly, you feeling the air loss right away, marvelling in it.
“My, fucking, pussy,” Eddie says, thrusting hard on each word. You tap his arm twice, begging for air. Eddie holds on a second longer and lets go, you feeling light headed with how wild it just drove you. The choking alone brought on the familiar feeling in your stomach, a knot needing to snap open. You move your fingers to your clit, rubbing it to get your high even closer, chasing the feeling.
Eddie watches as your hand goes down, the perfect image to get him closer to his own high. You use your other hand to grab his arm, getting him chest to chest with you. “Kiss me,” you ask, still rubbing your clit.
He goes in, his thrusts getting sloppy as you feel your orgasm is almost there, just around the corner. His kisses feel desperate, like he won’t ever get the chance to taste you and he wants as much as possible. He did want you as much as possible, despite being able to kiss you whenever he could, he was just obsessed with you.
Eddie gnaws on your bottom lip as your cunt starts to clench harder around him, and it’s the final thing that pushes you over the edge. Somehow, you remain kissing him, the feeling of his perfect lips against yours, grounding you. One hand his in his hair, pulling at his scalp almost too hard.
You come down from your high, feeling sleepy. One thought occurs to you, and suddenly your body does it before your brain registers. You curl and twist around onto your knees, in a crawl position, Eddie slipping out for one moment too many.
Eddie stops though, wondering what was going on in that brain of yours. You simply say, “Fuck me as hard as you can, Ed.”
He does, hips snapping into you with such a vigor he would’ve been worried about hurting you if his horny ass brain didn’t take over. Your ass bouncing with every thrust was causing the heat in his tummy to rise. “B-baby, where do you want me to cum?” He asks, on the verge and his throat feeling tighter.
“Inside me, please Ed.” You ask, arching your hips for affect.
Oh shit, that did something to him right there and then, filling you up immediately. You helped a little, moving your ass down as he moved up. “Holy shit, Y/N!” He screams loudly, thrilled to see his cum drooling out of your pussy. “Your little pussy looks fantastic right now, baby.” He says, monitoring his hard work. The white thick cum was drooling out of you, a stunning sight for him to see.
Exhausted, you collapse down from your knees, barely able to hold yourself up. As your face fells forward, your ass is still in the air, giving a huffing Eddie Munson a great view of the white substance trailing down your slit. You heard him huff out a laugh, and you reluctantly sit up to see what was so funny.
As you give him a look that was an odd mix of content and confusion, Eddie’s face broke into a smile, somewhat leant over on the bed right in front of you. “What’s so funny?” you ask him, still in a haze from being dickeddown by him.
Eddie leans over comically, giving you the one up in his eyes. “Nothin’. Just glad you were as horny as I was.” His hand goes up to your face, framing it with his thumb.
Eddie almost leans foreword as if he you, and a part of you craved it after being with him so closely. There’s another part of you that wanted to push him after what he had just said. You let him lean in, his lips somewhat gentle on your own. He deepens it, letting your tongue slide with his. You give in to this for about two minutes before you push him away, getting him back. “I resent that. “I resent that. I might’ve been just as horny but with a face and hands like those can you blame me?”
He leant forward, lightly knocking his forehead against your own. “Alright there, sweetheart. I’m going to go grab you a cloth. Stay put.”
You laugh without humour, wondering where you would rather be. Only place is nice and naked in your boyfriend’s bed. He yanks it out of reach when you grab for it again, insisting he would clean you up. The heat of the damp towel on your pussy surprising the shit out of you. “Jesus, warn a girl!”
“It’s more fun to surprise you!” Eddie laughs, still being gentle with you and cleaning all the damp slick on the bottom your thighs right below your ass. He tosses the cloth somewhere onto the floor, and crawls up so he can lie down with you.
Your head lands on the pillow as Eddie lands on his side right in front of you, his arm bent and on your torso. He leans up to grab his blanket, displaying it across you and him. “What time is it?” you ask, sleepy and ready for a nap.
Eddie grabs your wrist, and lets it down with a plop. “Almost 5’oclock.”
“Are you gonna nap with me?” Your eyes are closed now, feeling safe as he pets your hair.
“Maybe. I can make sure you don’t sleep for three hours if you need.” You nodded your head, the blanket now feeling soft and just right.
“Get some sleep, then, sweetheart.” Is the last thing you hear before you drift off, his scent and the weight of his arm feeling like heaven around you.
As Eddie watches your chest expand and depress and your eyelashes against your cheeks, he was thinking, God I could get used to this.
-
Please lemme know what you think, or if you want to be tagged in my smut only blurbs. I do plan on posting more blurb, but there will be several smut scenes that only people who read the full story get.
Thanks for all the love on the last one!
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Hello! I would like to make a request with a reader who seems restrained, but at some point, furiously shouting, defends the guardians in front of students who do not respect them and allow themselves to make offensive jokes about them✨
I hope I wrote everything correctly. I apologize in advance, English is not my native language, and I do not write it very well😅
– anon 🦐
English is not my native language either dw!!
Guardian! School staff + Reader who furiously defends them
Characters : Crowley, Crewel, Trein, (tbh i don't think something like that could happen with Ashton )
TW : none
Gn pronouns were used.
Context : y/n is such a good kid, so calm and collected! that's why the moment they start defending their guardian shouting and cursing like a sailor is such a big shock for anyone present!
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Dire Crowley
Crowley may be delusional but he's not stupid.
he's basically a running joke on campus.
The jumpscares, his dramatic and erratic behavior, his seemingly incompetence at his own work...
Look, it's no surprise that most students aren't very fond of Crowley
Even when he's your guardian you still find yourself roasting him any time he makes you mad,
which is almost daily.
until now no jokes of theirs would be said to his face, but seeing how you scolded him from time to time with no fear of consecuences made them bold.
This one time it was your own friends. after the most recent overblot, seeing how Crowley wouldn't move a finger, they Snapped.
they started complaining about how irresponsible he was.
with no response from your guardian's part, they only got angrier
and what begun as very reasonable complaints evolved into straight up bullyng, unrelated to what had happened.
that's it, you snapped back.
yeah, it's true, Crowley is very irresponsible.
and egocentric
and straight up weird.
BUT, they were here to discuss a real, serious problem, not to shout their "honest opinions" at his face
if words could kill that would've been a massacre.
neither your friends nor Crowley were expecting that much... energy.
bonus if you occasionally slip into your native language, (if English is your second.)
You were so scary. And no one would have ever expected that.
Riddle's temper, Jade's intentions and Vil's wording. All in one.
after you're done all your friends go away still processing what just happened.
Crowley however...
"You know, y/n, I'm more than used to comments like those, i could've handle them with no problem."
and then he pulls you onto a hug, a tight, suffocating hug.
"MY WONDERFUL, PRECIOUS Y/N I DEFINITELY DESERVE YOU!!!! YOU'RE SO BOLD AND PROTECTIVE!!! YOU'RE MAKING YOUR PAPA CRY!!!!!!" he was not. But he still made weeping sounds. you brought this upon yourself.
the next day everyone apologizes to you first, and then to Crowley.
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Divus Crewel
It was obviously a first year boy.
Because no one who has been around campus for long enough would make a fool of themselves like that.
this boy had very close minded views and too much ego.
his case is similar to Epel's when he first got to Night Raven, or at least that's what everyone assumes.
at lunch break, amused, your guardian told you about a first year boy, who was pissed about failing his last project even when he allegedly "didn't even have to put any effort because he was a natural"
you snorted with laughter at this.
So apparently the boy began shouting obscenities, most of them, Crewel tells you, were directed at him. in fact, the kid would not stop referring to your guardian as unmanly for his looks, and more derogatory things correlated.
you got a little upset at that but it was just a one-time thing, so you brushed it off
back in the hallway, both on your way to alchemy class, you bumped into this kid-
oh, the kid.
he started insulting the teacher out of nowhere, while everyone in the hallway watched Crewel silently listen, knowing full well about the absolute BOMB that was about to be dropped on the angry, unsuspecting little brat.
but to everybody's surprise, the bomb wasn't delivered by him but by his quiet, well behaved kid.
You PUSHED that kid. you INSULTED his hair, his SHOES, his GRADES and you even brought HIS MAMA to the roast.
from all that burn that kid was ON FLAMES.
In fact, Crewel had to stop you because the kid started crying and was ready to throw hands.
everyone was sent to class, the kid was sent to the principal's office (where Crowley would most likely just send him to work at the Mostro Lounge for a moth) and as for you-
As a teacher, Crewel scolded you for behaving like that, he had no idea that you had such poison resting on your tongue, good lord.
But as a dad... he was very proud of you for that. "Just don't do the pushing thing again, pup, come on, let's go to class."
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Mozus Trein
Again, this kid must be new
because everyone either respects, fears, or is somewhat fond of their oldest teacher.
c'mon this man is a literal grandpa
it was after giving away the last test's callifications.
this dude had a round, fat 0.
"But Mr.Trein! have you even looked twice at my test? all the answers are right!"
"Yes, and they are also carbon copies of your seat partner, now, i know who between the two of you actually studies."
the boy was PISSED and didn't waste any time before shouting age-related insults, telling your guardian that he was so old he must have dementia, how it's not big of an issue since he will retire, or even better, die! before he finishes school.
Trein just patiently waits, sitting and petting his cat, for the kid to finish his embarrassing monologue so he can send him to the principal's office and continue with the correction of the test.
But even before he finishes you're standing up before your seat, behind that idiot.
he turns to face you.
"First of all, HOW CAN YOU SIT STILL HAVING ALL THAT ITCHING SHIT RUBBING AGAINST YOUR ASS IN THAT DIAPER?"
for a solid ten seconds there's only silence, your guardian's eyes open wide in shock.
It quickly became a heated roasting session between that kid and you,
before Trein got you two out of class.
you would wait there until the next bell, when he finally showed up.
"i did expect such embarrassing behavior of you," he told the other kid. "But y/n, right now I'm at a loss for words."
despite being at a loss for words, Mr.Trein proceeded to scold you for the next 45 minutes,
about EVERY SINGLE TIME you had crossed a line. and you ha crossed SO MANY.
Again, the other asshole was sent to work for a week at the Mostro Lounge, and you would have been too, if it wasn't for your guardian appreciating the gesture of stepping out for him.
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babyleostuff · 5 months
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the anime issue is being brought up now because someone was trying to call out another idol for watching it (this case was also a little old). Now every idol who’s ever mentioned it is being dragged into the conversation. The original call-out might have just been a random shot by the type of people always out to cancel idols. This one just happened to gain traction now
Made in Abyss was extremely popular and well-acclaimed for its plot, characters, and world-building when it was released. I’m not surprised multiple idols have seen and mentioned it. The story is a gory horror fantasy, that does edgy things to be shocking and sensational. It’s a medium where you’re often ignoring distasteful or immature jokes, caricature, tropes, etc as embellishments to an otherwise interesting story. You might become desensitized and overlook things you would be more alarmed by if you thought of it in a real world context.
I will say that the manga is by far the worst offender, the anime is cleaned up a little, and the Korean adaptation might be sanitized even more. I understand people’s complaints because the disturbing themes still aren’t exactly hidden, but I don’t know if I expect a casual watcher to be watching with a critical mindset. Sometimes someone’s just watching a popular anime without thinking that deeply about it.
The major complaints were the youth of the main characters and gratuitous nudity, body fluids and functions, torture, gore, etc. Maybe it’s jarring and horrifying to make you feel uncomfortable on purpose. But it’s frequent, often unnecessary for the plot, and a lot of it’s presented in sexualized depictions even if it’s completely not sexual within the story itself. A lot of people also question the author’s…interest and love of children.
So we’re battling a few moral dilemmas when engaging with this story. Separation of the artist from the art. Does the media one consumes reflect their values? Expectation of idols to be morally superior. And then some of the outrage sounds like rhetoric used leading up to literary (and fanfiction) purges, and you get to the slippery slope of censorship and banned writing.
I’m trying to present a little of both sides. Yes I hope people are able to look at stories like this and be critical of the pedophilic framing. I don’t want to normalize or imply support for the author, inclusion of these story tropes, or anyone interested in them in that way by promoting such works. But also people will write disturbing stuff and it’s up to you to police your intake.
Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, The Office, Friends, Brooklyn 99, Disney princess movies, Ghibli, Hunter x Hunter, SpongeBob - many popular stories and franchises contain problematic elements under scrutiny. For many issues, people don’t assume reading or watching it means you engage or support it (think stories involving mafia or gang violence, domestic violence, war, cannibalism, murder, even incest). Topics like sexual orientation, gender, and sexualizing minors seem to be the ones that frequently spark the most heated responses and threats of censorship.
That’s my long spiel on this topic. I don’t want to dismiss the concerns, because I do hope people are critical of the media they consume and recommend. Sometimes, that’s being able to parse through the good and the bad of a story and be aware of it. There aren’t completely unproblematic and unbiased stories just like there aren’t perfect artists, writers, and idols.
I’m not sure this will be directly addressed by any idols. Others have liked controversial stories, animes, characters, and people before and I think they usually just let it pass quietly. I imagine if they engaged with it as just a harmless piece of entertainment- they’re not going to think much more of it. Maybe idols will know not to mention it in the future
oh my, you’re so well spoken 👁️👄👁️
thank you so much though, this truly makes more sense to me now
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Azul for the character bingo
***Standard disclaimer: These are just my personal opinions of the character(s); regardless of what I may think of them, sharing my thoughts is NOT meant to offend or to shame anyone that thinks differently.***
***CONTENT WARNING: mentions and discussion of bullying!***
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This one’s going to be quite weird 😂 For those of you who may not know, Azul used to be my favorite character back when I first started Twisted Wonderland (JP) upon release. Since then, he has fallen from grace and now sits as one of my least favorite characters in the entire cast (which I know is a very controversial take; I’m well aware of Azul’s popularity both in the Japanese audience as well as in the international audience).
A huge part of the reason why I was initially drawn to Azul was because The Little Mermaid was basically the only Disney movie I had a strong connection with of the ones that the Great Seven were modeled after. I religiously watched that movie and its sequels as a kid. I collected sea creature plushies and listened to The Little Mermaid soundtracks to help lull me to sleep. I dreamed of being a mermaid when I grew up despite not being able to swim. The whole under-the-sea aesthetic enchanted me, and since the original movie didn’t characterize the eels too strongly, I of course gravitated to Azul, who is based on The Little Mermaid’s iconic villainess, Ursula. Little me had always preferred Ursula to Ariel anyway. I really adored her unique lavender skin, her seashell jewelry, her overdone makeup, and her fuller body (it was rare for me to see that kind of body type portrayed in media back then so the variety was great). It was also so cool seeing her tentacles move in the water and how they filled up the space on the screen???? Additionally, I found her to be one of the smarter and sassier Disney villains, which I really appreciated. AND THAT WHOLE THING ABOUT URSULA BEING KING TRITON’S BANISHED SISTER??????? Catch kid me slurping up lore and fan theories about that 😳 
ANYWAY, THE POINT IS THAT I SIMPED FOR URSULA WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID SO I WAS LIKE “okay I guess I’ll simp for anime Ursula now that I’m older” since I anticipated a lot of what I loved about Ursula to also be present for Azul. In the beginning, this was mostly true and I was loving every second of it. I absolutely adore it when a character uses their smarts instead of their strength to overtake their enemies and obstacles, and Azul was really serving that up in episode 3 (and later on, episode 4). He wasn’t exactly like Ursula, but the traits that Azul offered that were uniquely his happened to fall in line with what I usually enjoy, so I had no complaints. Azul was calm, cunning, and above all else, a force to be reckoned with, someone who was always way ahead of you and difficult to outsmart.
Then we got his backstory, and he completely lost me.
I’m sure that this shocks many of you, as Azul’s backstory is one that often garners him sympathy and empathy. I’m NOT saying that I’m apathetic to his situation; I actually empathize a lot with what he went through as someone who has been bullied myself and felt resentful toward those perpetuating the bullying... and I can totally understand why he’s trying so hard to invent a new, more confident identity for himself, but that doubt and insecurities still remain from his past trauma. It’s admirable how Azul didn’t let the bullying weigh him down; he instead used his negative emotions to motivate himself to study hard and get in shape. However, in the context of what Azul would later do with his intelligence and magical abilities, it leaves a foul taste in my mouth.
Truthfully, I dislike Azul’s backstory, and Azul by extension, for very VERY personal reasons. The implication is that Azul improved himself in part because he sought revenge against his bullies. He eventually does get what he wants, robbing his bullies of the traits that they were most proud of in exchange for “helping” them, and continues to run that shady business to this very day. So... what? It’s okay to be driven by spite? It’s okay to seek revenge against people who have wronged you? It’s okay to keep swindling others for personal benefit under the guise of altruism just because you were hurt in the past? I’m sorry, but I just cannot agree with any of that.
I realize that I may be viewing Azul’s backstory from a somewhat shallow perspective, but when I first read it, my gut reaction was to be hurt on a very personal level. Again, I’ve been in Azul’s exact situation before. I’ve even felt the same disdain toward my tormentors that Azul did, and I used the thought of revenge to fuel myself to excel academically to “prove them wrong”. That might have made me a good student, but it also made me very bitter and haughty for a period of time. I would later come to realize the error of my ways and worked even harder than I initially had to scrub away that hateful version of me and open myself up to others. To see Azul, someone very similar to me, be rewarded over and over for being truly awful makes me feel as though my own efforts to be a better person were somehow for naught. Like, that’s NOT how things work???? I look at Azul and I see what could have happened to me if I continued being resentful; I would have become someone just as bad, if not worse than, my bullies 😔 I’m NOT saying it was okay for them to have bullied Azul, but kids/teenagers are assholes and don’t realize the full extent of how their comments can hurt others in the long run; what is Azul’s excuse, especially when he is older and fully aware of the consequences of his actions?
Honestly, I probably wouldn’t be so offended by Azul’s backstory if I didn’t find myself relating to him so much... I still like seeing him engage with the other characters (particularly when he’s trying to butter them up), but as it stands, I cannot ever see Azul the same way that I initially did. He reads as someone that kid me would have looked up to as a role model, someone who could “stick it to the haters” and make all of his dreams come true at the same time, but now that I’m older I see just how detrimental that line of thinking can be.
I think that Azul works best when paired with good characters he can bounce off of (namely, contradictory characters or people who can push Azul’s buttons). This includes the twins and Jamil, who provoke Azul in their own ways. He’s forced into a vulnerable position with Jade and Floyd, who are aware of the past that he often tries to bury and could bring it up at any moment. Meanwhile, Azul dials up the charm and confidence to 11 when he’s with Jamil which 1) is fucking hilarious, especially with Jamil shutting Azul down while wearing a deadpan expression and 2) makes me think that he wants genuine companionship with someone he can relate to (even if he probably does intend on also using Jamil as an asset to his business if Jamil transfers to Octavinelle). I really feel like I’d like Azul a lot more if he just made more vested efforts to open up (but I understand that he’s not currently in a secure enough position with his identity and trust in others to actively pursue that).
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trinrose3 · 11 months
Text
Forgiveness is best served with a new shirt.
little fic about my ocs Alexander and Fredrick :). I wrote this in my notes app don’t judge if the format is fucked lmao. Warning I wrote this at like 2:30 in the morning and yes I said I was gonna go to sleep but the fic vetoed that.
SO sorry for lack of context for this lmao
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“Need help?” Fredrick looked up from where he was struggling to put his shirt on. Alexander’s eyes were filled with guilt, but then again when weren’t they as of late.
“I...do not need assistance but thank you.” He said hesitantly. 
Alexander sighs as he steps closer to where Fredrick sat, floor board creaking and groaning as if they were filled with as much displeasure as the two of them were.
Gently, oh so gently, Alexander grabbed onto his new shirt, one not stained and crusted with blood. 
“Life your arms,” he demanded, “You needn’t act. I…always thought you were never good at acting but it appears I was quite wrong.”
Fredrick winced, and not from the pain in his shoulders from lifting his arm halfway. He refused to look back into his prince’s eyes. Despite them being a cool light grey they were somehow always filled with warmth. He decided that he needed to focus on his breathing. 
Deep breath in. He could feel the prince’s warmth. He could vaguely hear Alexander’s rambles to himself. Complaints here and there about the dingy room and how he missed having a palace to his own. He could hear the birds as they chirp outside, unaware of the turmoil churning within their land. He could feel his own heart beat.
Deep breath out. He could feel a gentle touch, soft as if too afraid that he would hurt him, as if too afraid to uncover any more truths. He could feel the now dull aching of his body. Pain was something he was used to, and at times found comfort in. Pain meant you were alive. Pain meant you could still feel. Emotionally or physically. It signaled that you were still human, not a ruthless killing machine.
“I forgive you.”
A quick sharp breath in. His eyes shot up in shock. Pain in his chest, as fingers were grasped at his collar. How could he forgive him? After all the lying? After all the secrets? 
He searched those wonderful grey eyes in confusion. The warmth was still there. 
“Forgive me? How? Why?” The dutiful guard dog could not understand. 
Alexander’s hands slightly trembled as they brushed off invisible (or maybe not considering the state of the room they were in) dust from the new clean shirt.
“I may be foolish at times but I am no fool. If you didn’t…do what you did, then…things might have gone a lot worse. For both of us.For all of us.” Fredrick watched as Alexander swallowed a lump in his throat. He couldn’t help but do the same. 
“I’m sorry.”
“I know.” 
The two of them stayed in the silence. Neither wanted to move or look away but both were too afraid to speak. So still they stayed. 
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
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queersatanic · 2 years
Text
"Lucien Greaves", movie night, and the standard a self-described religious leader ought to be held to
So, we need to talk about the difference between:
a) sex positivity
b) crassness
and
c) ...whatever this is
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In their 2018 complaint to the Massachusetts Commission Against Discrimination—which wasn’t a lawsuit!!—The Satanic Temple whined about how Doug Misicko’s @LucienGreaves Twitter account didn’t have a blue checkmark like @Pontifex or @DalaiLama.
Lawyer Marc Randazza argued this showed he was being discriminated against (like white nationalists Laura Loomer and Richard Spencer).
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So, simply on that level, think about one of the leaders of those religions or organizations tweeting about how the thought of meeting members in person involves lubing up and makes their “peepee hurt”.
We know defenders of The Satanic Temple are already frothing at the mouth about how we must just be looking for any reason to be upset because we don’t understand the “culture” or in-jokes of #TST3K.
They will say this as if that makes it better.
(It does not.)
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It is no secret that Doug Misicko’s dating pool has long included people subordinate to him in his role as "Lucien Greaves", figurehead and legal owner of the “700,000-member” international religion The Satanic Temple.
That’s true both past and present.
We've gone back and forth on talking about this directly since it was first passed to us because we don't want to catch others in collateral damage. It does seem increasingly important though, and perhaps more dangerous to not.
This conversation is presumably from a few years ago, per the age given for Doug Misicko / "Lucien Greaves" then (43), and the reference to a past partner of his.
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[Redacted Yellow]: Let's just say I USED to talk to Doug (Lucien) privately. [Redacted Green]: Ahhh hah that's a common pattern. I can probably fill in some blanks there. [Yellow]: Hmm so he's done this with other girls too? [Green]: Well depends what he did with you but yeah it was never my business but saw it always. [Yellow]: He seems a bit of a player then. [graf redacted] [Green]: His girlfriend is [Redacted Pink] but yeah he's definitely been giving preferential treatment to his various mistresses who are in the org as council/chapter heads etc. One of the ex chapter heads was showing me him hitting on her and her boyfriend was on national council. Pretty bad. Was he trying that with you too then? [black redacted graf from Green] [Yellow]: Ahh he said he was single! Haha! Yeah I have dick picks still for insurance. Literally told me to come over and stay in the HQ and he's "put out". Wonder if [Pink] knows all this? What a fucking cunt he is. He sent them on his own will…I did not ask for them… [Green]: It's definitely him?! I mean I'm not shocked but that's pretty brazen even for him. I think [Pink] knows about some of the others. Not the full extent. Like I say it's not really my business what people want to do there except if it messes with people I like. [Yellow]: Yeah I spoke to him on Snapchat call and he'd sned me videos of himself jacking off.. Prick. I feel like telling [Pink] everything. I am the wrong one to mess with. Also used to tell me what he's doing and where is and wants out. 43, lives alone with his cat and plays women. Nah, I ain't letting that fly. Poor [Pink]. Doesn't deserve that. She seems a sweetheart. [Green]: It's a shame. Not really what everyone is expecting. [Pink] I didn't deal with much. She can be pretty mean and toxic at times. Not sure how much of that is due to the situation though.
Another example was sent to us last year, and we have wrestled with sharing that more widely ever since, but it's unavoidably relevant here due to the context of "movie night".
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Ukrainian: The photo showed the tattoo on his arm. He usually sent a separate photo of the face and a separate photo of the genitals. Person 2: Oh wow. Did he send images of himself masturbating? Ukrainian: Yes, usually there were small videos in which he masturbated.
We also got subsequent independent confirmation from Lucien Greaves and The Satanic Temple itself.
That's because the same young woman was later named and used by The Satanic Temple for promotional purposes when she was caught up in the Russian invasion of Ukraine.
By that time, the two had patched things up again, but it explained why exactly a grown-ass man in his mid-40s was texting a young woman on the other side of the world. As she described via one of TST's official propagandists:
I don’t think I would have been able to get through this if it wasn’t for the support of Lucien Greaves and TST all this time. I was terribly scared, probably I had never had such strong emotions before. And Lucien talked to me all the time to distract me from everything that was happening, it was a very strong emotional support that helped me not to despair. And I don’t think I would have decided to leave the country so quickly with my mother and dog if I didn’t have such wonderful friends. ... I am really very grateful for all the help. In fact, I did not even expect that so many people from TST would support me. To be honest, when Lucien talked about my situation during movie night and people in the chat started writing such kind and warm words, I cried because I felt like a real part of something great and united, like one big family in which everyone loves and cares for each other. I am incredibly happy to be part of such an amazing organization.
Now, this is still difficult terrain to navigate; how much to say? How do you decide whose stories are their own to tell and whose need to be told regardless so others can be warned and avoid a similar experience?
The whisper network that exists is much larger. As you saw from the first text screenshots, it's also been an open secret internally within TST for a long time.
How do you protect the most people and hurt the fewest? There is not a perfect answer.
The Satanic Temple threatens lawsuits and harasses people with as much utter shamelessness as they promote themselves. It is a genuine threat that they will try to retaliate against you and harass you for speaking out about your own experiences. We can't fault people for wanting to avoid being targeted that way, but we do wish more people could come forward as a way to encourage all the others.
So go back and read those tweets celebrating an in-person event for movie night.
Remember this is the same guy who used TST's holiday "Lupercalia" as an excuse to openly solicit nudes from fans.
And measure them by the standard they claim to want: what if the pope, Dalai Lama, or head of the LDS church did that?
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radiocrypt-id · 7 days
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My fav Maritime Canadian phrases i used on the reg as a retail/food service guy
"It's goin'." in response to "hey hows it going?" or "Hey how are things?" etc.
similarly "Livin' the dream." usually in response to "Hey how ya doin'?" etc.
"Oh for sure bud." said without a single ounce of understanding or shits to give.
"Yeah no, yeah." used instead of just saying yes, for some reason.
"No yeah, no." used instead of just saying no, for some reason.
both previous phrases are used to express understanding or sympathy as well, no I can't explain how, you'd have to hear it being used in context repeatedly to get it.
Also, it doesn't matter how many times you say yeah and no together before the final word, because the final word is the sentiment of either agreement or not. I've had entire conversations with customers that has consisted of me just repeating "no yeah, yeah no yeah, yeah no, no yeah" for twenty minutes until I either agree with their final statement/request and send them on their way or say goodbye without any indication of a final word, leaving it ambiguous as to whether or not we agreed at all on anything.
"If I could bibbidi bobbidi boo it into existence for you I would happily do so, but sadly I'm not a fairy and don't have a wand." said in response to an outrages request/demand/question about a product, typically about something that we didn't sell or were out of. I don't know if this is Canadian or just a thing I started doing and everyone picked up on where I worked but I've heard several variations of it, including the more simple: "If I could wave a wand and have it for you I'd do that but I can't I'm sorry." and the angry blunt: "I'm not a magician, sorry." I like my version best because it always shocks them into laughing and immediately deescalates their anger as they realize how silly they sound demanding the impossible, and let me provide a genuine solution.
"You got it pal." Said in response to being ordered around when you're busy or annoyed, usually with the customer service voice/smile that barely conceals the boiling rage of the service industry under it. I never did as told if I said this, it's a polite go fuck yourself.
"Go on then." usually used to tell people to explain what their issue is with a blank expression. used a lot to deal with complaints or bullshit karens that you know is just being a pain to be a pain. usually combined with crossed arms or a jut of the chin at them.
"Ooh she's pissed eh?" only ever said about the weather or a machine, never actually a person.
"Ain't that a thing." Said in complete admiration for either complete stupidity or something beautiful. Be it your coworker/buddy scaling shelves to reach a 10lb barrel of something, or the sky turning purple at dusk, it was said the same regardless, in complete awe.
"Yeah that's uh... That's a thing." Said in response to the above, also in awe but also usually more tired as they recognize the danger of the situation or that they are in fact still at work for several more hours no matter how pretty the sky/thing is.
"Boy jesus get that fuckin' thing outta here!" often used for those birds that get stuck in big stores, but also just for literally anything that shouldn't be there or is annoying for the speaker. could be a pop-up on their computer for an error or a lawnmower driving through the front, equally pissed. said in one breath very fast.
"She broke." said about literally anything that isn't working immediately as expected or any coworker that's expressing extreme emotion, often laughter or sobbing. everyone/thing is 'she' regardless of gender.
"Now what exactly do you think you're doin' there bud?" Said to anything out of place in bafflement or in annoyance/outrage to someone doing something incredibly stupid when they know better.
"Aw no bud, come on now." said in absolute devastation.
"Work with me here big guy." said in prayer to any piece of machinery before trying to use it appropriately, as designed.
"We're gonna commit a few crimes but be back for dinner, yeah?" Said in prayer/prep to any piece of machinery before using it incorrectly on purpose. Also to coworkers when you're about to do something very unsafe that will piss off your more mature/responsible coworkers but you're hoping you'll get away with it. It's a confident phrase, said before disaster.
"Eh?/Hey?/Hah?" a sound just used to express deep confusion or sudden attention onto a new person you think has called you
I might add more as I think of them
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Try
Warren Worthington III x Reader
Fandom: Marvel/X-Men
Summary: Warren has been through hell and then some, but will meeting his soulmate turn that around?
Note: That’s right, it’s ya girl, back on my BS. I watched Apocalypse again and BIG SURPRISE, I’m in love with Warren and Kurt all over again. Still hyperfixating on Pietro also, so…expect more fics for him as well. Anyway, I’m a ho for soulmate aus and I haven’t written one for birb boi in literal years, so here ya go.
Reader is: Gender Neutral
Warnings: swears, mentions of alcohol
Word Count: 2.8k
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Warren knew one thing beyond a shadow of a doubt: he didn’t deserve a soulmate. He didn’t. There was no question in his mind. Anyone who was destined to end up with his winged, alcoholic ass had been fucked over by the universe. No one deserved to be stuck with him for the rest of their lives. And yet, these thoughts didn’t seem to erase the words written on his forearm:
Hey, um, you’re Warren, right? The Professor wanted me to talk to you.
Professor. He scoffed. He was never going to college. If his parents had gotten their way, their son “cured” of his wings, he would have ended up at Harvard or Yale or somewhere similar. But it was far too late for that. Sitting in a cage in the back room of an illegal underground mutant fighting club in Berlin…it was far too late for that. He’d probably die before he met his soulmate anyway, rendering the prophecy on his wrist—and theirs, for that matter—useless. A waste of space.
That was all he was anyway.
He spiraled. His dependence on vodka got worse. The fights got harder. He wasn’t making it out unscathed anymore, winding up with burns and scrapes and cuts, depending on what kind of mutant he was up against. One night, one of his cuts had gotten dangerously close to the writing on his wrist. He stared at it for a long time, tears burning his eyeballs until they escaped and dripped down his cheeks, angry and hot.
He hated it, but even after everything, he still had hope. He still had hope that things would get better; that he could be better, even if it seemed impossible.
And then it got…worse.
Apocalypse had come, turned his wings to metal, tuned into his anger, his rage at the world, turned him into a monster, complete with knives for feathers and winding tattoos framing his face. He wished he could blame it on mind control or something, but Apocalypse hadn’t brainwashed him, only used his anger against him. Turned him into a weapon.
And then everything went black.
When he woke up after the battle, he was in an unfamiliar room, large and white and sterile; it smelled like hand sanitizer. He heard the steady beeping of a heart monitor and when he sat up, he noticed how sore he was. His whole body hurt. His head spun. But he was alive. And when he looked down at his tattoo, the words were still there. Wherever his soulmate was, they were fine. His stupidity in joining Apocalypse hadn’t caused anything to happen to them.
For the first time in what felt like years, he breathed.
“You’re awake.” A voice said as a tall man with brown hair entered his room. “I’ll let the Professor know.”
“Where…” his deep voice rasped and the man pointed to a glass of water sitting on the table adjacent to the cot he was situated in. He picked it up and took a few long, greedy sips, not realizing just how thirsty he was until the cool drink hit his tongue. “Where am I? What is this place?”
“This is the infirmary at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.” The man told him, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. “You’re safe here.”
Warren nodded hesitantly, but didn’t say anything else. Safe. The word was almost a myth to him at this point. But at least he felt like he could rest for a little while.
***
It had been a few weeks since Apocalypse and his horsemen had almost ended the world. Erik had decided to stick around, and two of the younger horsemen, Storm and “the Angel of Death,” respectively, had been absorbed into the school’s student body. You didn’t know the Angel’s name. No one really talked to him, not even Ororo, Storm, who had been quickly adopted by your friend group.
Supposedly, Peter had tried to talk to the Angel guy, but he didn’t say anything to him. Ororo theorized he probably felt guilty about the whole thing. She did. But you all knew she didn’t know what Apocalypse was really trying to do. He probably hadn’t either, but that didn’t seem to keep the grim expression off of his face.
It was on a nice, sunny day that Xavier called you into his office, and you went down without complaint, knocking on the door a few times before he called you inside. You sat in the chair across from his desk.
“Hi, Professor. What’s going on?” You asked.
“Ah, yes. Just the empath and healer I wanted to see.” He smiled brightly. “(Y/N), if you don’t mind it too terribly, I have a small job for you.”
“Of course! What do you need?”
“I’m sure you’ve seen our newest pupil, Warren, around.”
You thought for a moment. “The, uh, guy with the wings? The big metal ones?”
“Precisely.” He nodded. “Warren…he’s been having quite a hard time adjusting.”
“I’ve noticed.”
“He came to me yesterday discussing…well, quite simply, he was wondering if any of our mutants here would be capable of…reverting him to his previous state. His wings, before Apocalypse, were made of feathers. They’ve been serving as quite a reminder to him and it’s been weighing pretty heavily on him, both literally and emotionally.”
“Yeah, I’ve, uh, caught his vibes from across campus.” You nodded. “It’s like there’s always a rain cloud hanging over his head.”
“Yes,” Xavier agreed. “It doesn’t have to be right away, but at your nearest convenience, if you see him around, would you talk to him? Tell him I sent you?”
“Yeah, of course. I’ll see what I can do.” You promised him.
As an empath and a healer, your first priority was helping others. And even if he was known to be a bit intimidating, you wanted to help him if you could.
So, you walked out of Xavier’s office, attended your final class of the day, and when it was over, you wandered out into the courtyard where, because of the nice weather, students were everywhere. And luckily for you, just as you suspected he might be, Warren was sitting under a tree, still sporting his leather jacket despite the warm weather.
You shielded your eyes from the sun and walked over towards him, your heart racing as you built up the courage to talk to him. So, you took a breath and said, “Hey, um, you’re Warren, right? The Professor wanted me to talk to you.”
He stared up at you for a long moment, his green eyes wide in shock. He took a breath, blinked a few times, glanced down at his wrist, and then back up at you. You could have sworn you saw tears beginning to form along his waterline, and you didn’t realize why until he said, “You’re my…No…Oh my God…I’m…I’m so sorry.”
You froze, your knees going weak. You glanced down at your bare forearm and read over the words he’d just said, exactly the way he’d just said them.
You’re my…No…Oh my God…I’m…I’m so sorry.
“Why are you sorry?” You whispered, lowering yourself onto the grass beside him, not trusting your legs to support your weight for much longer. Now you were the one with tears in your eyes. “Don’t be sorry.”
“You deserve so much more than me.” He insisted, his eyes locked on his boots, unwilling and unable to meet your gaze. “I can’t drag you into…this. Me.”
His emotions were heavy, a bleak blue and gray haze and you felt it radiate off of him in waves. His pain, his everything. And you felt it, deep within his chest. He thought you wouldn’t want him anyway.
“Warren…” You shook your head. “Why…Why would you think I don’t want you?”
He was shocked into silence for a few seconds, thinking over his words carefully, his jaw tense and hands shaking. “You’re a telepath?”
“Empath.” You corrected quietly. “And…a healer. Which is why Xavier sent me.”
“Oh. Right.” He swallowed thickly, nodding. “Did he…tell you why?”
“He did.” You smiled softly. “And I’m willing to try if you are.”
Finally, his eyes met yours and he could tell that you meant more than just the healing when you said it. The weak little voice in the back of his head was screaming for him to push you away like he pushed away everyone else, but looking into your eyes, a genuine and warm smile on your face, he just…couldn’t lose you.
He couldn’t lose anyone else.
***
Today was the day. Warren was sitting on a stool in the infirmary. Hank had run his vitals and the two of them were in the room waiting for you to come down after your class was over.
“(Y/N) is the one who saved you, you know.” Hank told Warren while he jotted down some notes.
“What?” Warren asked, snapping out of whatever daydream he had been caught up in. “What do you mean?”
“(Y/N) found you in the rubble. We didn’t think you would make it, but…they healed you. They insisted we bring you back here. Give you a chance.”
Warren was quiet for a long time, thinking about what that meant. Part of him wondered if (Y/N) had known back then that he was their soulmate, but he decided that would have been impossible with just their tattoos alone. Especially without context. They hadn’t known and yet, they’d still wanted the best for him.
“Didn’t know that.” Warren said, his voice soft and deep. He stared at the words on his wrist for a little longer, a hint of warmth swirling around in his stomach. Was this happiness? Was that what happiness felt like? He barely remembered anymore. But he knew there must have been a reason that when you walked through the door, his heart started beating a little bit faster.
“Sorry I’m so late. Professor Leaf kept us a little later than she was supposed to. Are you ready?” You asked taking off your backpack and setting it against the wall. As soon as you looked up at Warren, you felt the way his heart rate was increased and you didn’t miss the warmth swirled with the anxiousness. The anxiousness, you had expected. Even you didn’t know if you could pull off what you were going to attempt to do, but the warmth…it was a pleasant surprise.
“Don’t worry about it.” He told you, shaking his head. Was he…was he smiling? It was a small smile, sure, but you didn’t think you had ever seen him smile before. It looked good on him. “I’m ready when you are.”
“Alright.” You nodded, walking over towards him. Underneath where he was situated on a stool, Hank had laid out some pads from the training room, you assumed, to catch his metal feathers if they fell out rather than transforming back to his normal…feather feathers. None of you really knew how this would unfold. “Again, I’m not sure this will work. I don’t want to get your hopes up in case it doesn’t.”
“I’m not expecting it to.” Warren assured you, but it wasn’t in a rude way. “If it does, I’ll be pleasantly surprised. Cross my heart.” What he didn’t say was: You could never disappoint me. Not even if you tried.
“Okay.” You nodded, taking a few steps closer until you were standing right in front of him. He looked up at you and for the first time, you didn’t feel any negative emotions from him. Only anticipation and that lingering warmth. “Here goes nothing.”
You focused on the warmth in your own chest, the tingling yellow healing power that constantly swirled around your heart, and you forced it into your palms. You reached forward for his hands and he took the hint, his larger hands wrapping around yours.
Immediately, he gasped at the sensation, warm tingles running up his arms, down his spine. It stopped in the center of his back, right where his wings intersected with his body. At first, he didn’t feel anything. And then, he felt everything. The pleasant warmth flooded his metal wings, and one by one, the knife-like feathers fell out, each one landing with a thud against the mat situated underneath him.
Hank’s pencil jotted against his notebook as he took notes. He knew you were powerful, but he’d had no idea you were capable of something like this.
Neither had you.
Once the metal wings were gone, Warren felt a new sensation: another pair of wings, this one soft and familiar, slowly emerging from him. Part of him expected the process to be painful, like the one Apocalypse had forced upon him was, but it wasn’t. Warren chuckled to himself. Of course you would never hurt him. Not even unintentionally.
After a few minutes, the feathery wings had fully emerged, stretched out to his full former wingspan and he stared up at you in awe. You stopped your flow of power to him, but he held onto your hands, squeezing them to keep them in his grasp.
He looked back at his new wings, flexed them and moved them. They felt familiar, like they had always belonged to him.
“Thank you.” He said, giving your hands another squeeze, the warmth in his chest brighter and bolder than it had been before. “Thank you so much.”
“Of course.” You told him, squeezing his hands right back in a way that caused his heart to lurch. “I’m glad I could help.”
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but do you mind if I keep some of these for research?” Hank asked.
“Keep all of them, if you want. I don’t want them.” Warren told him, standing up from his stool, his hands still in yours. “So, um…do you want to go grab dinner or something?”
“Sure.” You nodded, smiling up at him. “See you later, Hank.”
“Bye, guys, have a nice night.” Hank said as you and Warren walked out of his lab. He couldn’t help but notice the way one of your hands remained in one of his as the two of you left.
***
Later that night, after dinner and after you and Warren had split for the evening, you were walking back to your room from Jean and Jubilee’s and you found Warren, lingering in his doorway, his toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. His eyes widened when he spotted you and he held up a finger, indicating you should wait for him, so you did while he went into his bathroom and rinsed out his mouth, returning a few moments later.
“Hey.” He said, the word casual as it fell from his pink lips.
“Hey yourself.” You chuckled, feeling ridiculously underdressed in your pajamas. But then again, he was wearing his pajamas, too, a large black Metallica shirt and a pair of plaid pants.
“How…how are you? Feeling?” He stumbled over his words, chuckling as he rubbed the back of his neck. You felt a wave of nervousness rush through him. “Hank said sometimes you get tired after, uh, bigger healing jobs?”
“I’m fine.” You nodded. “For whatever reason, I never get tired when I’m healing you.” You chuckled, your cheeks heating up the slightest bit. “Well…I think I know why…”
“Heh, yeah.” He nodded, mulling over his next words very carefully. “Did you, um…I don’t know how to ask this. Did you mean what you said about…trying? About us trying…this. Trying us.”
“Of course I did.” You nodded and took a few steps closer to him. “You’re my soulmate.” You reached for his hand and he gave it to you, letting you play with his fingers. You felt the way his heart fluttered when you did. “Of course I want to try.”
“I’m broken.” He told you. “I’ve never done this before. I’m…I’m a lot, and I know that.”
“Well it’s a good thing I’m a healer, huh?” You tilted your head. “And if we’re being honest, I’ve never done this before either. So how about we teach each other? Learn together?”
He smiled softly, nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s do that.”
You let go of his hand and instead took the last few steps between the two of you, wrapping your arms around his torso. He froze for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. It had been…a long time since anyone had hugged him. But after a few moments, his arms got the hint and wrapped around you, pulling you to his chest. He rested his head atop yours and exhaled a long, long breath. And for the first time since you’d met him, you felt a wave of peace wash over him, encasing him entirely as his wings gently cocooned you in their warmth.
You felt his lips brush against your temple, pressing a soft kiss there. You looked up at him and his eyes met yours before fluttering shut as he leaned in to press his lips to yours.
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mikimagines · 3 years
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within summer blooms. (which taunt you.)
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nagito k. / fem ghost! reader.
tags: angst, no happy ending, right person wrong time, major character death, hurt no comfort (kinda).
writting is not checked: we die like ghost! reader.
(reader is the former ultimate gardener, yes…it’s important to the story.)
small inspirations from animes you might know! (or not.) ; tbhk (mitsuba/kou and…tsukasa) and madoka magica. …mostly tbhk.
this was requested by @adelia-chan ! ☆ thank you!
nagito always had horrible luck.
no matter where he went, it would end in ways that nobody has seen before. it was a shame to be unlucky, but with the ways of luck, things never change, not even for the victims of despair…
yet, trapped inside of hope’s peak academy was a strange yet non surprising way he got trapped. summer break was coming sooner than expected, so most students rush to do something to celebrate on their finale exams; college exams. leaving lesser students to do all of the cleaning, which nagito was one of them. . .
and when nagito was finishing up his duties it was only him left, and everyone always forgets about him so the school was left to close for the afternoon. it was stupidly his luck, that left him in this way and staying over night might get him in trouble, so finding a way to get out would be the most important.
and to his disappointment, every door was sealed shut. not even with any of his tricks it wouldn’t work. although he did remember when he did knock down a door accidentally, due to his luck. so the student council has to make all of the doors: “nagito-proof” it makes him a weridly thankful that they could name something out of something he did.
which during his entire rant, on how thankful he is to be part of such a delight indeed, a ghost, who was actually in the middle of going to her (old) garden saw the pale-haired boy infront of the door.
you weren’t really into the fact that he was rambling into something, you just had to make sure he was ok. yet, you forgot that people have known to be afraid of ghost…which you are.
“hey, are you ok?” you replied to the boys, thoughts of respect.
and yet, you were scared.
if he gets scared like the people, who you simply need to know if that they remember correctly that it was you, their friend.
and if they don’t, it wouldn’t end that much well for you. especially with the stupidly naive deal you made to see everyone again, family, friends. it was your only chance, so taking it would be a final way to say goodbye.
correct?
it was a silent pause into nagitos thoughts. it was extremely his bad luck knowing that he is stuck inside his school, know with a ghost who is in front of him, with concern in their eyes.
“hey…hey! are you ok? the more you stare at me the more my flowers are going to wilt!” you snarled at the boy, not knowing what to do.
it was only a few minutes anyways and he finally spoke even with all the questions his head.
seeing ghosts face to face are a thing that nobody has truly seen.
yet to him, he has seen one. not only is that “unlucky.” it is truly lucky. maybe he can learn more about death more. he’s not afraid of it, maybe.
you facepalm at the boy, currently you were going to get to your garden, and now your stuck with a person who isn’t even afraid of you.
he was just shocked. your smirked for a little, taking that way, since nagito has wasted 30 minutes of your time. it would be better to do the same, yes?
and to your shock as well, he agreed to you taking him to your “garden”, unlike any other average student, example: your very own friend, they think your “garden” is truly where you are going to drag them into the same fate as you.
so they leave…well run away from you, leaving you alone, once again. is this just your loneliness, maybe just a eternal curse you will have until you truly pass on.
and for nagito, he just…agrees like a lost puppy dog that wants to know everything about you. this is a rare time that nagito has now seen in his life. which was you, a finally seen not as a scary illusion from guilt. but as a new friend.
ah, you couldn’t think that much about him, it was only your first time seeing him, and you barely had any time.
being the anniversary of your death soon and soon enough the time you truly have to go, any finally rest for another life.
finally, you went to your small garden. it was blooming more than normal, as the suns blesses with its shine and “love.” it was a easy job. it was your garden obviously, a place full of memories, a place where you could be happy with everyone.
and with nagito with you and him listening to every word your saying, it gives you happy memories. the things you truly wanted to do one last time with everyone, wouldn’t it just be so great?
“hmm…are these roses?” nagito asked during your rambling while watering your bonsai.
you put down your watering can and got ready to ramble about the flowers and the meaning of them.
until you saw nagitos bleeding finger, and was getting on your precious daisy’s, which wasn’t exceptional to you as you scolded the laughing man like a mother.
time passed fastly after that, faster than you can imagine, also you promised to get him out of the school so he can get to his apartment before his classmates start a search party.
yes, even if the barely care for him. it was still needed. no matter what. you sighed, once more you took him to the opened door from a security’s guard (which you accidentally scared.)
and waved goodbye.
after that fateful afternoon it was a shock to see nagito stay a little more while at the school, most thought he was up to something big, while the class just took it off as him finally getting “a touch of grass” — hiyoko.
also you both actually introduced yourselves, although you were seemingly confused on how he’s the ultimate “luck” he didn’t seem that much lucky to you. and for you, introducing yourself as the (former) ultimate gardener was easy to figure out due to context clues.
it was slightly embarrassingly, only for you… yet nagito just clapped it off as you still being a symbol of hope.
ah, anyways…
it’s been about 2 weeks since the fateful day you meant with nagito. (and more importantly, the day you have to go soon.)
he was almost like a close friend, honestly. every time after-school he would come and visit you and your garden and even learned much about how plants have meanings.
yet, you were on the clock. you had been trying for months just to actually get your friends to remember you, yet it didn’t work. all you did was hurt your friends more and more with just being a ghost.
why?
because of guilt.
once someone goes, you can’t see them again, nor can’t say your true feelings or even be with them, not even a hug or a laugh.
they just, disappear. and so with you being a ghost, they think it’s their mind taunting them for not saying goodbye.
or the feeling of self guilt; like it’s their fault.
yet for nagito, he’s just so confusing never scared of anything and you know much about him even when he shows his true personality.
and yet, harm can come in many ways. horrible ways that you can’t say it. you can feel it. so why not just say your true feelings?
it’s that easy! right…?
exorcists are dangerous to ghosts.
they bring harm and fear to the ghosts and with no mercy in some ways. which brings terror and puts the ghost in ways that they are not ready to say goodbye yet;
or truly pass on,yet some are kind and want to help the ghosts. but flowers aren’t truly that perfect. no matter how kind they look.
take a example, roses. they look pretty, and yet so dangerous that it would harm the ones who dare to touch it.
it was actually the same with you and the ultimate exorcist. as she has had complaints about you in the past, an extremely confused ghost.
yet she gave you time to truly say goodbye to your friends, and of course you accepted the final days you can see everyone and try to talk to friends and family.
most would see this as a blessing, yet to your friends they truly thought you were just there to give them more grief to your death.
(they didn’t know it was truly you, so it gives them a point or two. but they are actually a little stupid..so take off a point.)
and that stupid exorcist, she knows. she knew that you were going to fail anyways and is a entire master at gaslighting you.
and today, you weren’t going to fail. one more time, just one more time!
but you failed.
again, and again.
no matter how hard or how kind you look. it never works. even when nagito tries to calm you down and even tried to talk to them, they would just find him even more scary to the experiences of seeing you.
and today.
the final day you can try to talk to them.
you failed.
you…failed.
like shattered glass, it was giving you more despair, and it gets more shattered everytime until the sunlight, the memories taunt you.
the car crash, the everything.
why…how.
it was just all over your mind, no one was their to be with you anymore, since nagito went home for the day, which will be the last day he will truly see you.
why?
I’ll recommend asking the exorcist.
note: this will be a little, uncomfortable(?) and it’s not that important to the story at least. so if it does, please skip.
it was truly a painful experience.
you couldn’t do anything about it, because she was just too fast.
all you could do was scream for no one, the exorcist had you by the heart. it was unavoidable. you couldn’t say your true feelings yet, you couldn’t say anything.
maybe, if you weren’t such a idiot and went to the flower shop that day. maybe this wouldn’t happened. maybe, you could of confessed your true feelings to nagito.
but it was way to late, way to late. like the day another person confessed to your crush the day you were going to confess and they accept the other persons confession.
they have a life together, and all you can do was sit back to watch, you could never have a happy life or do regular teenagers things anymore.
you were a ghost, after all. so maybe, it should be your turn to go. forever.
those were the words that came out of your head and the exorcists mouth while taunting you.
and yet,, soon enough.
you were finally going to rest. (not) peacefully.
the exorcist smirked at the work she has done, and left. hopefully you can finally rest.
it was only fate.
after all.
a fate, you can truly. never change, which will taunt you all the way to your final grave.
nagito was worried, he hasn’t seen you in a while. not in the garden or the koi pond. you just, left.
he thought for a second: we’re you truly sick of him? I mean, he does ramble a lot and he does say a lot of stupid things.
but you always listened, so why would you leave? he had so many questions that had to be answered. maybe it was his luck? or maybe just him? he has no clue.
his top priority is to find you, I mean who else is going to show him your garden and ramble about all of the flowers you have and their meaning.
he had to figure out quickly, although. maybe your old friends or maybe that exorcist you were scared of said has something to say.
he was just truly, worried. so he had to figure out, quickly. in the name of hope! (and flowers.)
one by one, your friends talked about you, how you were just, a sweetheart. even if you were so tough with them. you had your ways of making friends especially in that one garden you had.
the way you died was…messy to say the least, from nagitos research of you most of your friends looked near to crying.
it was a painful way to go, any you were just looking for something so innocent.
roses.
from the garden shop. but to your horrible luck, you got ran over badly by a speeding cars. (nearby people even said you looked both ways.)
and your death was something that they couldn’t change at all. it still gives them pain to that day, especially because you had a closed casket…
after the entire exchange was over, they were pretty worried out on how some random guy from a nearby class asked them such random questions.
yet nagito moved on. to that ultimate exorcist.
it was a small yet big talk for him, not only because the exorcist just said that they killed you, the exorcist just treated it like a simple case of a average ghost.
I would say it pissed him off, but he’s always just so calm, putting his true personality would lead to things like him being put out of school (again.)
but for you, you were truly just gone.
not a person nor a ghost.
just a concept they never existed. like, never existed, only the things you loved and liked were still their.
you truly just disappeared, you couldn’t even say anything yet for him, not even he could say anything for you as well.
all he can do is just stare at that one bonsai tree you have to him, it was actually your “confession” he was just too confused.
and once again, I think he would just feel deep, sadness. not that he could see you or hear you talk about plants and koi fish again.
but that you couldn’t say your true feelings.
nagito always has bad luck. it was something, he couldn’t stop and once again.
he has lost someone important again.
extra:
you gave nagito a small bonsai tree, it was truly your favorite in the entire world. you always had it with you and was your first priority. but, you gave it to nagito, it always gave you good luck when you were alive.
maybe it will give good luck to him, he deserves it more than you.
he did ask why it has roses with it.
you just laughed at him, maybe it could be something like to remember you by. if you ever go. of course.
authors note:
I apologize for things like not being accurate to the nagito’s character or maybe it being too boring??? I mean this took me about a hour or two.
you guys own me a reroll account/hj
- mod mikan.
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Retranslation and Analysis of That Fight Scene
So firstly, I just want to say the subs are not bad and convey the general meaning very well, in a way that sounds natural in English. That being said, there's always some things that get lost in literal translation, and I really want to demonstrate how much depth the Japanese in this scene actually has for Karma and Nagisa's characters.
Basically the TLDR point here is that this fight is very much not about Korosensei. This is completely platonic, I promise I resisted making any shippy points.
Karma: Hey, Nagisa kun, aren't you getting extremely carried away?
Nagisa: Eh? (definitely surprised and bewildered)
Karma: The number one strongest assassin in Class E is Nagisa kun, isn't it? (uses yo here, which suggests confidence in the statement). Are you (very directly yourself, your own thoughts) wanting to quit assassination? Let's think about the talentless others who are desperately trying their hardest to kill him. When you put it like that, it's like a woman who 'has it' telling the ugly ones that they should honestly quit being so desperate to get a boyfriend, that kind of feeling?"
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So some interesting analysis here is that Karma says "zuibun", or extremely, when the original translation is "a tad". The translation feels more natural in English, however it kind of makes me feel that Karma's trying to make more of a point. Nagisa has the right to be making suggestions and stepping up, but he's gone so far this time it's crossed a line.
I think 才能がないなり (talentless, saino ga nai nari) is also very interesting. Talent is the best translation, but if you look at the kanji very literally, there's "genius" and "ability". This specific word choice more implies that the other assassins are good, but Nagisa's just another level. Japanese grammar is confusing at best, but essentially 'nari' means become. So you take this as kind of like 'students who couldn't develop genius ability'.
The repetition of 'desperate' is also pretty interesting, linking the examples together better. It emphasises the point that they're kind of at a loss with. He also doesn't directly say attractive woman, he says "motteiru onna", which essentially means the same, but is literally "a woman who has (no object given but essentially 'it'). This more directly reflects to what he's saying about Nagisa, he HAS talent, this unspecified natural quality that makes him better than everyone else without trying.
There's also a lot more rhetorical questions in the Japanese, which got combined into single sentences in the English. The "let's think" thing is very literally what he says, like he's wanting Nagisa to actually consider his thoughts for himself.
Nagisa's original argument and intention may have been about Korosensei. Karma may be genuinely opposed to saving Korosensei. But that isn't the point of Karma's argument at all, he's making this about Nagisa because he's reached a limit with the both of them.
In order to spare you, more under the cut.
Nagisa: T-the aim wasn't... Above all, for assassination, your understanding is always better than mine
Karma: Saying that directly (take with slight pinch of salt - he could have also said "fixing your statement") is irritating. In reality, isn't it that you yourself are the most powerful, and you can't comprehend the feelings of weak humans?
Nagisa: That's wrong (also using affirmative yo here)! That's not what I said! These are my true feelings! Do you hate Korosensei? We went to see a movie together with him, didn't we have a variety of great times?!"
Karma: That's why, that octopus did his best to come and make a fun classroom every time, and didn't give up like Nagisa. Without bloodlust, this classroom wouldn't have been built. Can't you understand the effort?! It's not just your body, are you still a fresh elementary school student?
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One thing to note here is that Nagisa isn't actually finishing his sentences. You can absolutely tell what he means because Japanese makes sense like that, but he's still dropping words. Or when he does say a full sentence, they're very short statements. He is desperate here, trying to prove a point he can't actually voice into words correctly.
The context here is that this is before we know their full backstory. Nagisa admired Karma, and he can't quite say it right yet. He thinks they're on different stages still, and Karma is frustrated because Nagisa doesn't see the point.
Karma, after all, does have this inhuman image of Nagisa in his head from years ago. The image of Nagisa looking like some kind of snake demon as he kills Karma in his sleep. He genuinely still, here, believes that Nagisa is purposely hiding this. That's why he keeps putting words into Nagisa's mouth. He's also cutting him off at points, not listening at all to what he's truly saying.
At the same time, Karma starts talking down to him. Instead of saying 'no' (how you'd end a sentence to a friend), he starts using 'kai', which is condescending and how you'd speak to a child. There's an argument here to be made for Karma doing this as a kind of defence mechanism too, but that's very complicated. At this point he really is just trying to get to him.
They are not arguing about killing Korosensei, not at all.
Karma: Huh?
Nagisa: *does the creepy eye thing*
Karma: Eh? What are those eyes? You with the social standing of a tiny female animal, are you defying a human?
Nagisa: I was just...
Karma: If you have a complaint, how about saying it after you win a fight for once? It's aimed at me, so come on. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon!
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This is actually one of the most significant changes to the original.
This is the thing, Karma was never calling Nagisa a tiny mouse of whatever, he was just comparing him to one. Because he knows very clearly that Nagisa isn't like that. He sees that look in his eyes and it prompts him, in his frustration, to finally try and bring it out of Nagisa. He's trying to prove a point.
But then Nagisa stops himself. He lets go of his bloodlust for a moment, defaulting to Nagisa as we know and love him, literally turning his head away from Karma.
But Karma's too far gone at this point, he's dragged stuff up his past feelings about Nagisa, the ones he's been hiding for a year to be tentative friends with him, and now he can't let them go. He needs to see Nagisa's darker side plainly, no matter what that means.
It's also important that he says "it's aimed at me". I think this is a little deeper than literal. I think what he's implying here is this entire thing is somehow aimed at him, like Nagisa's trying to strip everything away just for his own perspective.
Obviously at this point Nagisa snaps and chokes him.
Nagisa internal thoughts: Even I...
Nagisa: I'm not going with half my feelings!
Karma: This guy...
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This is also pretty significant. I'm surprised they cut the "even I" part because that says a lot about Nagisa's current feelings. He still doubts himself. He's aware that he's a pacifist, that he's got a lesser social standing, but Karma's put him into a position where he has to stand up for himself. And this is important to him.
Karma smiles when he says "this guy", getting ready to punch him. He feels like he's succeeded, in a way. Though at first he looked genuinely surprised Nagisa actually did it. There's a certain kind of satisfaction that finally he managed to bring Nagisa's 'true' self out.
Obviously at this point they get separated.
So what does all of this actually tell us? Well, pretty clearly here, this is just Karma's issues coming to light. But also a very helpful and useful moment for Nagisa's development as a character. Whether we agree with Karma using him as a punching bag or not, it genuinely does force Nagisa to get some self agency for once.
Karma and Nagisa will never be characters who sit around and talk honestly about their feelings. But even if they're using a whole situation to mask the fact that they very much are discussing their relationship here, it is still a significant moment where pretty much all the barriers they've been putting up against each other drop. They're just still not entirely on the same page through this scene.
Nagisa thinks Karma is just looking down on him and trying to pick a fight. He's baffled and confused as to why Karma feels so strongly against him.
Karma, on the other hand, thinks Nagisa is better than them all and is frustrated when he 'purposely' acts like he isn't. Karma still feels lied to from when they were kids. And he wants to expose it all, to get Nagisa to understand the position his skill puts him in. I honestly don't think Karma ever thought Nagisa was less than him at all, he just knew it would be an easy way to get a reaction. See how he flips tactic from "you're the best here" to "you're a tiny animal" when Nagisa just went into denial the first time?
I'm not going to go into the whole of their actual full fight, but there's some interesting points that reflect back on all of this.
Korosensei saying "your own answer is right in front of you", basically demonstrating that this entire thing really is just Karma and Nagisa
The entire point of the fight was to get one hit in with a knife, but Karma decides to just continuously beat Nagisa instead. Which yeah, is pretty ineffective. Pretty much proves again that it wasn't about just taking a victory.
Karma took Nagisa's hits on purpose, maybe it can be argued that this is trying to make things last longer, to get Nagisa to actually work for it.
Nagisa demands that he listens to what he has to say. And that's right, because Karma was cutting him off originally.
Karma is a super strategist right? And he was genuinely shocked that Nagisa didn't use his bloodlust to take him down. This is Karma. Sure, he's allowed to make mistakes. But this is odd for him. He was so caught up in his own perspective of Nagisa just having that skill that unfairly made him better. But Nagisa literally throws that skill out and beats Karma on his own level, pretty much disproving him. Maybe Nagisa has this special ability, but he's also worked just as hard as everyone else. He's trained to know what assassination means.
Beating Karma like this, on a 'human' level, was pretty much it. Karma stopped fighting back when he realised that, because he was disproven, and pretty much every wall he put up against Nagisa got literally choked out of him. Karma is already known as kind of an ass and a dirty fighter, you really think he'd worry about the others not accepting it if he stabbed Nagisa fair and square? If he cared that much about killing Korosensei, he would have just done it.
Their fight was never about Korosensei.
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neon-junkie · 3 years
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Hey everyone,
This will be my final post addressing the fandom conflict that has quite frankly gotten out of hand. Although it’s very likely this post will be picked apart, no matter how well intended it is, I will no longer be addressing, interacting, or responding to any further accusations made against me. Of course, if people have questions from a genuine place of interest, I will be happy to clarify anything for you, either via DM’s or non-anon asks. I will not be answering anonymous asks on this, as I do not want anything else posted on this topic. 
As a side note: For anyone tempted to wade into the debate, I sincerely ask you not to get involved. Do not make yourself a target, do not feel you need to ‘pick a side’, and please do not think you have an obligation to reason with either side. It seems to be well past the point of that, so please find people you get along with in this fandom and curate a space for yourself away from all this conflict.
Warning: This post will contain uncensored slurs, mentions of racism, paedophilia, transphobia, LGBTQ+ phobia, death threats, threats of violence, targeted harassment, and abusive language.
To start off, I want to apologise to everyone who has somehow gotten drawn into this mess by either defending me, following me, or interacting with my content. This whole situation with me began well over a year ago when I wrote a crack-smut fic featuring Javier/Micah, posted back in August 2019. A crack fic is defined as “a work of fan fiction that is absurd, surprising or ridiculous, often intentionally.” It was inspired by a camp interaction between Micah and Javier, and like many other fanfiction writers, I decided to write smut about it. The fic was titled ‘Dirty Fucking Greaser’, and if that shocks you, I’m sure you can imagine how shocked I was to be informed afterwards that ‘Greaser’ was in fact a very serious 19th century slur for a Mexican individual. My first encounter with this word as insult was via RDR2, where it was used like a very casual insult. My only prior knowledge of this term was in regards to the greasers youth subculture, so the severity was lost on me. This obviously does not excuse my ignorance, and I should have researched the term better, but this is just again to apologize for that oversight, the insensitivity, and to highlight that my use of this term was not meant maliciously. Following this being pointed out, I proceeded to make 3 separate apology posts [Unfortunately I can only find the third one: HERE], renamed the fic, and added slur warnings in both the tags and the fic description. When I continued to receive complaints and increasingly aggressive abuse (which included being told my apologies weren’t good enough and I should delete my account and even kill myself), I attempted to delete the fic and mistakenly abandoned it instead. I contacted AO3 to see if it could be removed, but they said there was nothing they could do. I contacted their DMCA takedown team, who also said they couldn't remove it. Please note that all this happened 7-8 months ago, and has been dragged on for almost a year. 
So, from this one unfortunate incident, I’ve been branded a racist, and someone who attacks POC, when all I have done is tried to defend myself and correct my past mistakes. I could have done this more gracefully in the past, but frankly when you’re suddenly the target of unrelenting callout posts and nasty anons, it’s very hard to be open to criticism of this sort, but this is what I’m trying to move past.
Over the course of the year, this one mistake has spiralled, and the crusade against me has somehow coincided with moral conflicts over certain characters and ships. This has devolved into dehumanizing abuse, witch hunts, death threats, doxxing, anon hate, and much more unpleasant behaviour.
I have been in fandom for a very long time, and at the heart of all fandom circles is the fear of censorship and subsequent purges, so the ‘ship and let ship’ mentality was more or less the pinnacle of fandom philosophy. And yes, this can be problematic in some contexts. People have their right to be uncomfortable with content, have a right to be offended by content, but that is not content meant for you. This argument has devolved into ‘what material is morally right to engage with’ and that is a mentality in which fandom will not survive, because for every person who is telling me I’m an awful person for writing about Micah, there are three other people telling me how much they appreciate me making that content. For every fic in which I characterize Javier and Flaco a certain way, some people are made uncomfortable by it and others tell me they enjoy it. And this isn’t just white people, but POC too, which makes it very difficult to know whether I am genuinely in the right or the wrong, especially when it comes to the concept of ‘fetishization’ which I have been made aware I need to educate myself on. I intend to do so, but I disagree with the common accusation that finding non-white men romantically and sexually attractive is inherently fetishistic and makes me racist. It’s pushing a catch-22; don’t find POC sexually attractive? Racist. Find POC sexually attractive? Racist.
I am always willing to be (politely) approached about anything my readers may be concerned about, but if it’s something I’ve specifically tagged for (such as themes, scenarios, etc.) I’m afraid you consented to reading it and with that I cannot help you. You are just as responsible for curating your space and what you see/read just as much as I am responsible for tagging it appropriately.  
On the topic of racism, I want to bring up my prior use of ‘white racism’ which has obviously been a point of contention among both white and people of colour. The (literal) black vs white concept of racism is incredibly American-centric, and as someone from Europe, which has a history of oppression against white cultures and those of people of colour, it feels inaccurate. However, this has recently been discussed with me and I came to the realization that while growing up, especially in the UK, ‘xenophobia’ and ‘racism’ were marketed as one and the same. So, with this little revelation in mind, I will no longer be using ‘white racism’ (Or ‘reverse racism’) to identify the abuse I have been receiving, but will instead call it by what it really is; dehumanizing, debasing, xenophobic, puritanical.   
Very briefly, I will also touch on the NewAustin situation, which has also been dredged into this. I did not ‘chase a POC from tumblr’. NA was a minor who for some reason was on my 18+ blog and took issue with me, likely from the ongoing discourse regarding my fic and initial mistake, as well as my interest in Micah. They were subsequently harassed into deleting their account by anonymous hate following various conflicts with other users for their support of me or their ships in general. I have never encouraged my followers to target anyone, and have always asked to be blocked and blacklisted by those who do not like me or my content. When NewAustin messaged me following the deletion of their blog, I was admittedly indifferent to the point of being unkind, and accused them of sending the hate themselves. This was based on the anon hate being racially-driven without there being any prior knowledge or publication that NA was a person of colour. This aside, I should have at the time, whether I believed it was my followers or not, condemned this behaviour. Regardless of the issues I’ve had with these people, it is never ever ok to send hate to anyone, no matter the motivation behind it, and that should have been stated at the time.
All I can do at this point is acknowledged and apologize for my past mistakes, and try to improve myself going forward.  
It is not my place to dictate the morals of the character/ship-aspect of this argument, and I am not interested in waging a war of opinion. This post is simply to clarify how I am involved in this, and why I am so viscerally targeted. You can draw your own conclusions, but I am no longer interested in this endless back and forth.
To my mutuals/followers, I stand by my request to not interact and to block and move on, as this is what I’ll be doing too.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope it makes things from my perspective a little clearer.
-RAT <3
EDIT: Just after this post was made, the fic in question was finally removed. I had to go through a DMCA take down, which can take months, since I originally abandoned the fic, thinking that meant delete. I explain this in more detail above. Said fic is gone, and has been gone since this post has been around.
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Boundary (Ethan x MC x Tobias?)
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Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Elle Valentine) x (hints of) Tobias Carrick
Description: Tobias and Elle get to know each other while working on a case. Tobias pushes some boundaries.
Warnings: A few curse words, underlying health problems. Most characters belong to Pixelberry.
Word Count: 5.9k
Notes: Something a bit different, but I very much enjoyed writing this. There’s no overt Tobias x MC, so this is hopefully something Ethan stans can enjoy reading too. If PB won’t give me what I want, I guess write it myself lol 
*********
It’s early Fall, yet despite this fact and the hospital’s ‘Bloom-and-improved’ ventilation systems, the diagnostics office feels uncomfortably hot. Elle feels a prickling heat across her back, one that she has become accustomed to of late. The façade she’s wearing is beginning to feel like an actual mask, all clinical-scented and restrictive and artificial.
And yet, this is not a mask she’s wearing on a crowded, sweltering T carriage. Her discomfort is unwarranted; there are, after all, only three of them in the room.
Oblivious, Ethan and Harper continue their conversation. She’s tuned out long ago, but she catches the premise- something that Dr Yannick once said at a conference in New York several years ago.
If she really tried, Elle knows she could search for a moment to join in the discussion. But if she’s being honest with herself, she’s tired of searching for sidegates to enter their house of conversation, instead of ever being invited through the front door.
She tries her hardest to appear relaxed, unbothered, indifferent. But her uneasiness spills into her mannerisms, like water through a cracked pot. Manicured nails drum erratically on the top of her thigh. Her top teeth tug, over and over again, at her lips. The apex of her stiletto heel taps the diagnostic office floor like a furious knife.
She likes and respects Harper very much, and her feelings for Ethan, both as a diagnostician and as her romantic partner are unfathomable. But as juvenile as it sounds, she’s so tired of being shut out.
A whooshing of the sliding doors breaks her out of her reverie, and she and the two other occupants of the room look up. Tobias Carrick strides in, all beams and bravado.
Her own notion takes her by surprise, but somehow, she thinks, his arrival is the breath of fresh air she so desperately needs.
“Goooood morning team!” he chimes brightly. Once again, his arms are laden with a trayful of drinks.
“Morning,” Elle offers him a warm smile, Harper echoing her words.
Ethan nods towards the drinks.
“Another round on you?”
“Sure is, but this isn’t just any old round, Ethan,” Tobias replies. “Now I’ve spent a week on the team, I take great pride in this being the first drinks order that’s just right, for all of you.”
Ethan quirks an eyebrow.
“Oh?”
Tobias grins, and plucks the first drink off the tray.
“Harper,” he presents her with an extravagant looking drink. “Chocolate frappucino. Double the sugar, double the caffeine. The Friday OR schedule is always jam packed, so I reckon you’ll need it.”
“You got that right, I’ve got two laminectomies today,” she sighs, although the passion for her job shines through her eyes. She takes a sip from her drink. “No complaints from me!”
“Excellent,” Tobias grins. “Ethan- a Vienna for you. Classic, refined, and,” he winks, “only a little pretentious.”
Ethan accepts the drink with a roll of his eyes, as Tobias moves around the desk to Elle.
“And now, for you Elle,” he hands her the third cup. “I must admit, for you I went out on a whim. I just hope my guess is a lucky one.”
Curiosity piqued, Elle presses the rim to her lips. She is aware of the eyes of both Tobias and Ethan following her action with interest. Mild, pleasant citrus swims onto her palate.
“Lemon balm?” she asks Tobias. He nods. “You going to elaborate?”
He shrugs.
“Well, I’ve noticed that I’ve never seen you with a coffee before 4pm, so I figured you like to limit caffeine earlier in the day. And I’ve seen you make up a couple of herbal teas before. I took a gamble and figured you’d like this one.”
“Impressive guess, Carrick,” Elle nods, amused. She takes a sip. “It’s good, thank you.”
“Those are some very…astute observations” says Ethan stiffly, as Tobias takes a seat beside Elle. “Maybe you can put your perceptiveness to better use for our next case.”
He slides three manila envelopes across the table, and the team begin to peruse.
“Jake Adams. 17-year-old male admitted last night, with multiple cardiac arrests,” Ethan begins. “He collapsed at school, was unresponsive, no signs of life, but luckily a fellow student was able to perform high-quality CPR until the paramedics arrived. Heart rhythm on their defibrillator was ventricular fibrillation, he was shocked, back to normal sinus rhythm. Between the scene, being loaded onto the stretcher, in the ambulance and arriving here, he arrested and was shocked again 5 more times.”
“Jesus, poor boy,” murmurs Elle, a crease forming between her brows.
“Cardiology have asked us if we can determine the cause of the arrest, which will of course determine the treatment,” Ethan explains.
“This case only came in last night and since he’s now on life support, we’re able to bypass Bloom’s absurd judicial performance and get straight into it,” Harper adds. “Actually, Ethan and I discussed it at length before you both arrived, and we have some solid ideas.”
Elle looks up from the file, quirking an eyebrow.
“Oh?”
“So I’m thinking Long QT syndrome, or maybe Brugada,” says Harper.
“They would definitely explain the spontaneous cardiac arrest,” Ethan adds, “Harper and I have ordered genetic testing for both on immediate family members already.”
“Any family history of sudden cardiac death?” Tobias asks.
“Not that we know of,” says Ethan. “But that wouldn’t rule it out.”
Elle frowns slightly as she browses the file. The tests ordered so far are scant, and in her mind, there are several pieces of the diagnostic puzzle missing. But this didn’t seem to stop Harper and Ethan steamrollering ahead, and seemingly settling on a diagnosis before the case had even been presented.
“Does Jake have a-”
“Do you remember that patient with Brugada syndrome who came in for a study a few years ago, Ethan?” Harper turns to Ethan suddenly.
“Ah yes, Paul?” Ethan chuckles, “he was quite a character.”
As Harper and Ethan drift off once again, Elle glances up to see Tobias looking at her quizzically. She lets out a heavy sigh.
Tobias clears his throat.
“Hate to interrupt your…uh…stroll down memory lane,” he begins. “But Elle was about to ask a question about the case, and you both spoke over her.”
The three other diagnosticians turn to Tobias, and a tense silence hangs in the air. After a beat, Harper speaks up.
“I’m sorry Elle,” she says, sincerely. “That was out of line, please continue.”
Tobias turns to Ethan expectantly, who meets Elle’s eye.
Something flickers across his face for a moment, a mixture of shame, guilt, embarrassment, perhaps? It’s a look that Elle can’t quite place. Then, his eyes skim to Tobias and he coughs awkwardly.
“Yes…thank you Tobias. We did speak over you, Elle, I apologise. What were you saying?”
“I was asking if he had a 15-Lead ECG.”
“Not yet,” Harper replies.
“Then until he has one, I don’t think you can consider Brugada syndrome,” says Elle. “We’d need to do an ajmaline challenge too. I can see from the echocardiogram reports in here that he has a structurally normal heart, so we can definitely exclude congenital heart disease as the cause. But for me personally,” she gestures to the file, “there’s a lot missing in here. About what actually happened.”
“How do you mean?” Ethan asks.
“About the context of the cardiac arrest. All we know is that he was at school, but what was he doing? Was he doing anything strenuous, did it happen at rest? There’s a lot more I’d like to know.”
The rest of the team nod thoughtfully.
“I agree…if it happened during exertion, there’s a few other things we could rule out,” says Tobias.
“Exactly,” says Elle. “I think we should consider catecholaminergic polymorphic ventricular tachycardia.”
“You’re thinking CPVT?” asks Ethan, interested. “It’s a possibility.”
“Yes, and it’s one I’d like to investigate more by visiting the school, and finding out more about what happened” says Elle.
“I think that’s a good idea,” Harper responds, twirling her fountain pen between her fingers. “But unfortunately, I won’t be able to join you on your expedition. Like Tobias said, I’ve got a full day in the OR.”
The rest of the team turn to Ethan, who hesitates.
“I…have a meeting with Naveen and the board until lunch,” he says. “Which-”
“-means it’s just you and me, Valentine!” exclaims Tobias, clapping his hands together. “Oh boy, I’ve been looking forward to my first house call with the diagnostics team. We’re going to be on some scooby doo shit, Elle!”
“I beg your pardon?” says Ethan, scowling. Elle can’t help but burst out laughing.
“That settles it then, me and Elle will go to the school,” says Tobias, standing up from his chair. At the same time, Harper gets a page that her surgery is starting and bids them a hurried farewell.
“I was going to say, which means the three of us can go this afternoon once I’m finished,” Ethan says stiffly, as Harper heads out. Tobias shoots him a bemused look.
“I’d rather not wait,” says Elle flatly.
Ethan has wasted enough time in their meetings by bringing up pointless anecdotes with Harper, and she’s very keen to revert her focus to the patients, to diagnostics- the things she loves.
“Me and Valentine will be just fine, E. After all, I’m sure what happened with Jake is still pretty raw to the kids and staff, we’ll need to handle it delicately. Two’s company, three’s a crowd, right?” Tobias flashes Elle a smile.
The same look as before flashes across Ethan’s face, although this time, Elle thinks, it has less of the awkwardness and embarrassment and more of the…something else. His bright blue eyes seem to narrow a fraction, as he looks between Tobias and the woman of his affections.
“Alright,” he sighs finally. “We’ll reconvene when you’re back.”
“Let’s get this show on the road!” says Tobias happily. “To the mystery machine!”
He crosses the room to retrieve his car keys from his bag, while Ethan turns to Elle, and this time, the look of concern is undeniable.
“If you need anything,” he closes some of the distance between them and lowers his voice just a little, “just call me.”
“I think we can handle it,” says Elle, not unkindly. “Enjoy your meeting. And tell Naveen I said hello.”
And with that, she and Tobias leave the office.
********
A short while later, Elle and Tobias are riding in his blue Mercedes S-Class on the way to Jake’s school, a short drive away in South Quincy.
“Not exactly the mystery machine, huh?” says Elle, glancing around at the plush interior.
Tobias shrugs.
“The same colour, at least.”
Boston blurs by as Tobias pulls into a main road, and Elle turns to look at him. His side profile is unmistakably handsome. He drives one handed, the other resting on his thigh.
“So, how’s June?”
He gives a wry half smile, and glances at her.
“Is that your way of asking if we’re still sleeping together?”
“No!” says Elle, honestly. “I’m just wondering how she’s fitting in at Mass Ken. I mean, she left Edenbrook when she thought the ship was going to sink. I got the impression she was pretty keen to be working on your team, now I can’t help but think now you’ve come here, Aurora too…don’t you think she’s been left kinda high and dry?”
“In all honesty, I haven’t seen her for a while, and don’t expect to again anytime soon,” Tobias admits. “But trust me, Hirata will be just fine. She’s head of the team there now.”
Elle raises her eyebrows, impressed.
“I’d say she moves fast, but actually, that doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.”
“She was pissed as hell when I said I was leaving, don’t get me wrong,” says Tobias. “But she’s the strongest diagnostician on that team, and the strongest player too.”
“Player?”
“She knows how to play the game. She’ll have no trouble asserting herself as the new leader, running the show the way she wants to.”
Elle thinks back to her time working with June. The way she changed her personality to gain patients’ trust…and Elle’s. Distant anger simmers at the back of her mind, as she remembers how June stole her employee file.
“I agree…office politics was always child’s play for June.”
“Speaking of,” says Tobias as they stop at a red light. He turns to look at her. “The meeting this morning seemed very…uh…political.”
Elle pauses as feels the uncomfortable tingling rise in her chest. She could ask “what are you talking about?”, but she knows exactly what he’s talking about. And there’s something about Carrick that makes her want to cut the crap, to be upfront. So she is.
“You mean Harper and Ethan…”
“Yeah, that. Whatever the hell that was.”
Elle is silent.
“Does that…happen a lot?”
“More often than I’d like.”
“Well, good job I’m here then,” he grins.
Elle’s head whips around.
“Excuse me?”
“C’mon, you can’t tell me you didn’t appreciate the out.”
She rounds on him.
“Ok, let’s make one thing clear, I don’t need you to fight my battles” says Elle angrily. “Since Harper joined, every time the two of them have gone off track, I’ve steered them back on. I’m here for the patient, to solve the case, and nothing is going to detract my focus from that. That’s the way it’s going to stay, with or without your “outs”, Tobias.”
Tobias chuckles.
“You’re feisty Elle, I like it.” His eyes sweep over her from head to toe, which makes Elle feel more angry, but also, inexplicably, makes her stomach flutter a little.
“What I mean is,” Tobias speaks more seriously; sensing her anger, but mercifully oblivious to the other sensation, “I hope you know you’ve got someone else in your corner Elle. I know how much you care about your patients, and I know Bloom’s going to make life for the team difficult, and try and undermine our every move. That’s not helped when it feels like you’re not listened to by the actual people in it. You’re an excellent doctor Elle, and I value your input. The others should too.”
Elle is dumbstruck. She still doesn’t know what to make of Tobias Carrick; she had picked up pieces and hints from the scattered stories she’d heard from Ethan, most recently in their walk through the rose garden. But while considering the perspective and feelings of the man she so deeply cares for, she acknowledges it is biased. Elle knows that she has good reason to be wary of Tobias; it was not just Ethan he had toyed with, after all- Aurora had been burned by him too.
But, Tobias had helped to save her life. And the genuine smile that he gave her through the contamination screens of that cursed room, on the worst day of her life, had always stayed with her.
So, with a pinch of salt ready between her fingers, Elle decided from the moment he joined the team, that she would form her own opinion of him.
It occurs to her then, just how much Ethan sees the world in black and white. But Tobias Carrick is very much a shade of grey.
Before she can respond to him, the GPS on Tobias’ dash declares that they are arriving at their destination, and sure enough, Elle sees the school up ahead on the right.
“Here we are,” murmurs Tobias as he pulls in through the school gates. “Looks like we’re expected.”
They park up and head over to the school steps, surrounded by blossom trees, where a middle aged woman offers them a watery smile and extends a hand.
“Ah, hello…the doctors from Edenbrook, I presume?” she asks. “I’m Helena Brady, the principal of Greenview High.”
“Yes, we spoke earlier on the phone,” says Elle. “I’m Dr Eleanor Valentine, and this is Dr Tobias Carrick. We’re here to speak to the people that were with Jake when he collapsed?”
“I’m afraid it’s just the one person,” says Helena gravely, leading them through the school. “His friend Charlie was the only one who saw it, and then ran for help. How is Jake doing?”
“He’s still in a coma, but stable,” says Tobias. “The most important thing for us to help him, is find out from Charlie some more about the collapse, and go from there.”
Helena nods, as they come to a stop outside a small office.
“We’ve all been praying for him, it’s so tragically sad…nothing like this has ever happened to a student before,” she sniffs stoically. “Thank you for your work doctors, but please, be gentle with the boy. He’s still very shaken.”
Elle smiles at her reassuringly.
“We will be, don’t worry.”
As Tobias and Elle knock and enter the room, the boy springs to his feet, eyes wild.
“You’re the doctors…how’s Jake, is he-oh god is he-is he dead?” he cries.
“No, Jake is ok. He’s been through a lot, but he’s recovering,” says Elle gently. Charlie sinks back into his chair, though his knees are still quaking.
“It’s Charlie right?” Tobias asks, pulling up a chair. “I’m Tobias and this is Elle. We’re Jake’s doctors. Do you know why we’re here today?”
“Y-yes, that’s me,” Charlie sniffs. “Principal Brady said you were here to talk to me about Jake…I was so scared, I thought, I thought that meant he had died.”
Elle kneels in front of him, laying a gentle hand on his knee.
“I’m really sorry that us coming made you think that, Charlie,” she says. “It must have been really tough watching Jake collapse like that, I’m not surprised you’re thinking the worst. But we think we can help Jake get better, we just need your help.”
Some of the tension seems to leave Charlie’s body upon hearing this; his shudders subside. He pulls anxiously at the strings of his hoodie, unruly teenage bangs falling over his forehead.
“So, Charlie,” Tobias asks as Elle pulls up a chair beside him, “do you think you could tell us a bit more about what Jake was doing when you saw him collapse? Had he been running, exercising, working out?”
“No,” Charlie says quietly. “He wasn’t doing anything like that.”
“That’s really helpful Charlie, thank you,” says Elle. “Can you tell us if he standing up or sitting down? Did he lose his balance or seem dizzy? Did he complain of feeling ill, or funny in any sort of way before it happened?”
Charlie stiffens.
“No. He was-we were-we were arguing.”
Tobias and Elle exchange a quick look.
“Is Jake your friend, Charlie?” Tobias asks.
“No! No he’s not, and I’m so sick of pretending he is!” Charlie shouts. “Jake’s my boyfriend!” Tears begin to roll down his cheeks.
“Oh Charlie, I’m so sorry,” says Elle. “You said you were pretending…does anyone else know that?”
Charlie shakes his head.
“No. That’s what we were arguing about,” he accepts a tissue that Elle offers, blowing his nose.
“Take your time, Charlie,” says Tobias, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms. “It’s ok.”
After a few deep breaths, Charlie steels himself.
“We’ve been dating for three years, kind of in secret, kind of not,” he explains. “My parents know I’m gay, and they’re fine with it. They’ve met Jake before and they love him, they know we’re together. But he’s not even out to his parents, they just think we’re friends.”
He sniffs.
“Now we’re in senior year, we’re both looking at colleges, and we want to go to different ones. We’d be living five hours apart. I don’t know if we can make the long-distance work, especially if his parents don’t know about us. In the times we’d both be back home, they wouldn’t understand why he’d want to spend a lot of that time with me. But the one thing I just really, really wanted, was for us to go to senior prom together. As a couple, you know? To just dress up together, get photos together, dance together, one last time before we leave.”
“And Jake…wasn’t on board with that?” asks Elle.
“He was,” says Charlie. “He said he really wanted to. He just…wasn’t on board with the part of that which meant he’d have to come out to his parents.”
“I see,” says Tobias.
Charlie’s eyes begin to fill with tears again.
“I was saying, before he collapsed, that he didn’t love me,” he cries. “That he must not love me if he’s not prepared to come out. He was getting so upset, begging me, telling me of course he loved me, he was just scared, and then-” he sobs. “Then he was on the floor.”
Elle kneels beside him again, taking both his hands in her own.
“I’ve been googling stuff that could have caused it,” Charlie sniffles. “I saw there’s this condition, some long one beginning with, a C, I think, that means people’s hearts can give out when they’re stressed.”
Tobias raises an eyebrow, somewhat impressed at the boy’s diagnostic skills.
“What if-what if I could’ve killed him, because of the argument? And I told him he must not love me, I didn’t even mean it, I know how hard it is to come out, I didn’t mean to-” he buries his head in his hands.
“Charlie- Charlie listen to me,” says Elle. “It’s true, that we think Jake might have a condition called CPVT. It means that certain situations, like exercise, or stress, can cause the heart to go into an abnormal rhythm. But that does not mean, whatsoever, that any of this is your fault. We all say things we don’t mean in the heat of the moment, when we’re angry. If Jake does have this condition, and we’ll have to run a couple more tests to know that for sure, then it means that we can treat it, and stop it from happening again. It could have happened to him at anytime, anywhere, but he was lucky enough to be with you. You’ve helped him have a lucky escape.”
“R-really?” asks Charlie.
“Really,” says Tobias, who is on his feet. He lays a hand on Charlie’s shoulder.  “Your principal was telling us earlier that you did CPR on Jake while you got others to run for help?”
“Yes,” Charlie mutters, looking up at Tobias.
“Well Charlie, I think you saved his life.”
Charlie’s eyes gleam with hope.
“What are you applying for at college?” Tobias asks.
“Um..cardiac nursing,” he says.
“Very fitting. You’ll always be welcome at Edenbrook for some work experience.” Tobias smiles, genuinely. It’s the same smile Elle remembers from after the attack.
“Do you think, then, that he’ll be ok?” Charlie asks tentatively.
“Yes, I do,” smiles Elle. “And I think that you and Jake will be ok too.”
****************
Some time later, Elle steps out of the school. After speaking at length with the school counsellor, she had made sure that Charlie had some extensive therapy sessions in place. Tobias is waiting for her at the foot of the steps, beneath the blossom trees, and she is surprised to see he has a cigarette in hand.
“You smoke?” she raises an eyebrow at him as she approaches. “I thought you’d know better, Tobias.”
He takes a drag.
“Vices, Valentine,” he quips. “We all have them.”
Elle vaguely remembers Ethan had once said the same thing about butter.
“Carcinogens, though. Really?”
Tobias chuckles.
“I’m dirty, what can I say?”
He dutifully puts out the cigarette, as Elle gives him a reproachful look, and turns to her.
“You were good in there, with him,” says Tobias.
“Thanks…so were you.”
“We make a good team,” he smiles, and his expression softens a little. “That was kinda heavy though. You bearing up ok?” he asks.
Elle nods.
“I’m fine. I just hope Charlie will be ok, I really want to make sure he starts therapy as soon as possible.  I know how much of a difference it made for me, after the attack.”
She trails off, and Tobias seems to sense the darkness clouding over her eyes. The mild September breeze sifts through the blossom trees above them with a gentle sigh.
“I don’t think I ever actually said this to you,” says Elle quietly, “but thank you. For helping to save me and Raf, that day.”
“No thanks needed,” he responds. “I wanted to do everything I could to help.”
He pauses only briefly before continuing.
“You know, out of everything that happened that day, all the work we did in the lab trying to find an antidote…the one thing I remember most is how Ethan was in that room. In all the years I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him like that before. About anyone, or anything.”
A sudden chill trickles down her neck, goosebumps erupt on her forearms; a million tiny foothills.
Since their conversation in the car after Danny and Bobby’s funeral, Ethan had never really spoken in depth about his own feelings during the attack. Sometimes, in early hours when they laid in bed together, with the rain hammering against his window, she would mention it.
And every time, she would see his eyes darken with so many unsaid words. He would fix his gaze desperately on her like she was evaporating steam, set to vanish from existence in a matter of moments. His hold on her waist would tighten, fingertips tracing her soft skin as if to remind himself she wasn’t a ghost.
There had been whispers in his bed in the stillness of the night, when they were both half asleep. He had uttered sleepy confessions and declarations to her; some so heartfelt and moving, she still questioned whether they were real or if she had dreamt them.
More often straight after the attack, but still now sometimes, she would wake in his arms to find him already looking at her, his eyes filled with wonder, pain, and something else that she was starting to place.
‘Why are you awake?’ she would gently murmur.
‘I couldn’t sleep. I-had a nightmare.’
She would press herself closer to his chest, feel his strong arms encircling her as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.
‘I’m here, Ethan.’
‘I know. I’m…so glad you are.’
She is jolted to the present with Tobias’ voice.
“Even if he didn’t show it this morning…Ethan’s got it bad for you, you know.”
Elle cranes her neck to look up at him- at the man who shares so much history with Ethan. He’s almost as tall as her lover, but slightly less built, shoulders not quite as broad. Alike in many ways, but different in so many others.
“Why are you here, Tobias?” she asks, without breaking eye contact. “You had it all at Mass Kenmore. You’re an excellent diagnostician, you could have gone anywhere. Why, of all people, would you want to come and work for Ethan, someone you have such a complicated past with?”
Tobias’ hazel eyes, a contrast to Ethan’s azure blue’s, look into hers deeply. She knows that there’s something hiding beneath their golden depths; either earnestness, an ulterior motive, or perhaps something more complicated- a mixture of both.
He takes a step towards her, raising his hand towards her face. Her breath hitches, then climaxes in a soft exhale, when he simply removes a lone blossom petal that has settled on the lapel of her white coat. She wonders what exactly she had been expecting him to do.
Tobias twists his tongue between his teeth, a half-smile playing on his lips. Once again, his eyes roam over her from head to toe. This close, Elle can smell his cologne. It’s good; notes of leather and pine and exotism drift to her olfactory nerve. It’s a contrast to her favourite aftershave of Ethan’s, which smelled like bergamot, cedar, and home.
Tobias drops the petal to the floor, his eyes never leaving hers.
“I’m here Elle,” he murmurs, “because I want to push boundaries.”
********************
Ethan leans against his desk, fingertips drumming impatiently. His meeting had been finished for a while now, but he was still waiting for Elle and Tobias to return.
His old rival’s keenness to go on an outreach call with Elle had stirred something within him. Something in his head had switched on. A distant alarm bell that had been silent for some time, had started to ring.
Lost in thought, he mulls over the events of the morning.
He’d done it again.
He, and Harper, had spoken over Elle when she was trying to talk about the patient. Not only that, he recognises now, but before Tobias had entered the room, the two of them had been reminiscing about something that didn’t involve Elle in the slightest.
He doesn’t know why he keeps slipping up. He harbours no romantic feelings for Harper whatsoever, but he’s been enjoying the chance to work more closely with her, the friendly conversations, to share stories and experiences.
But they haven’t just been work related, he thinks. Did I really need to bring up the flamenco lessons? Or Gaston’s? He recalls the look on her face when he’d told Elle he planned to take her there because of its intimacy, immediately after discussing it with Harper. Before Elle’s forced smile and her gracious reply of “I’d like that,” he’d always thought he had caught a flicker of dismay, of hurt, on her features.
Now he’s certain it was more than a flicker.
I don’t deserve her, he thought.
With a swoosh, the doors of the diagnostics office open. He sees the familiar head of immaculately coiffed blonde locks, and as his eyes travel down to Elle’s beautiful face, his heart soars, and he can’t help but break into a wide smile.
“Elle!” he says happily, pushing himself up of the desk.
I missed you, he foolishly finds himself wanting to say, despite the fact that like most days at work, it’s only been a few hours since he’s seen her. But as his eyes travel to Tobias following her in, he keeps the admission to himself.
“We have an answer,” says Elle triumphantly. “We’ve listed Jake for an ICD insertion tomorrow morning.”
“It was CPVT?” Ethan asks.
“Yep,” says Tobias. “Elle’s hunch was right. Turns out it was an argument with his boyfriend that brought on the cardiac arrest. We ran a test for CPVT as soon as we got back, while you were still in the meeting, and it’s positive.”
Elle smiles brightly.
“Jake’s going to be okay.”
Ethan beams. He’s exceptionally proud of her.
“Excellent work Elle,” he leans forward to squeeze her arm, as bold a gesture as he dares while they have company. “And thanks Tobias, for helping out.”
“The pleasure’s all mine,” says Tobias. He looks pointedly at Elle, then adds, “believe me.”
An unpleasant sensation coils in the pit of Ethan’s stomach. He tries to push it down.
As Tobias crosses the room to take a phone call, he steps closer to Elle, lowering his voice.
“Listen Elle, about earlier. I’m sorry,” he says sincerely, tentatively taking her hand in his own. He caresses her tiny fingers with his thumb. “It’s unacceptable for me to talk over you in meetings, and I…know that this isn’t the first time it’s happened, and that there are, uh, other things. I’m sorry if my actions have ever made you feel excluded.”
Elle’s bright green eyes look into his thoughtfully, though she says nothing; silently willing him to continue.
“I’d like to make it up to you. I think a date night between us is long overdue. Can I take you for dinner tonight?” he asks. A flash of hope, along with the tinge of dismay he remembers from before, travels across her face. “Not Gaston’s,” he adds quickly. “I want to find somewhere new with you. For us.”
Her face floods with warmth, eyes gazing into his searchingly. He desperately scans her beautiful face, seeking some inkling of her true feelings; the ones he knows she’s bottling up.
“You’re right, it is long overdue,” she says finally, her gaze steady. “And I’d really like that, to find somewhere new to go to dinner with you. But I can’t do tonight.”
His heart sinks a little, and as if sensing this, like she always seems to, she squeezes his hand reassuringly.
“I’m out for drinks with Si, Aurora and Jackie tonight. But we’ll go soon.”
She offers him a soft smile, which he returns.
It doesn’t quite quell the slight but unmistakable feeling of anxiety in his stomach. It’s guilt, it’s the gnawing thought that he will never be good enough for her, the idea that he’s taken her for granted.
Worst of all, there is the completely irrational, but terrible notion that he could lose her.
And somehow, the thought that he could lose her in living rather than in death, as he had once feared, is almost more terrible.
She gently lets go of his hand. On the other side of the room, Tobias hangs up the phone.
“I’m going to go and speak to Jake’s parents,” says Elle, slipping off and readjusting her white coat.
Ethan’s eyes travel over her form-fitting pencil skirt, clinging to her delicate body in all the right places.
He doesn’t miss the way Tobias’ do the same. Then, as if knowing he’s being watched, he looks up at Ethan. His eyes narrow, and the corners of his lips twitch.
Ethan wants nothing more than to sock him in the jaw.
“We’ll check in later, once Harper’s finished surgery?” she asks, breaking the two men out of their reverie.
Ethan nods, and Elle bids them goodbye. The click of her heels on the linoleum echoes into the tense silence. Then, he can’t hold it in any longer.
“Could you be,” Ethan begins through gritted teeth, “a little more fucking subtle, Carrick?”
Tobias chuckles.
“I can’t help it, Ethan, and clearly neither can you. A woman like that, body like that…we’re just as powerless as any other red-blooded male.”
Ethan curls his fists in the pockets of his coat.
“Don’t talk about Elle like that. I won’t have you disrespecting her in that way,” he spits, taking a step towards him.
“You want to talk about disrespecting her?” counters Tobias, unflinching. “Because I think taking a stroll down memory lane with your ex, every five minutes, is pretty disrespectful to the woman you’re currently fucking.”
Ethan is stunned. Had she told Tobias that it had happened before? Did she tell him they were seeing eachother, or had Tobias clocked it himself? What exactly had they talked about while they were away?
“Elle is- she’s off limits,” he snaps, the only response his seething mind is able to come up with.
Tobias smiles, satisfied at seeing the other man riled up. Then, infuriatingly, he turns away.
“Who decided that, Ethan?” he says quietly over his shoulder “Her or you?”
And with that, Tobias turns and leaves.
*******
Author’s Note: Thanks for reading this far! I wanted to explore the dynamic between Elle and Tobias, and the way I wrote him in this fic reflects my own thoughts about him; I think he’s a good guy, as demonstrated by him helping to save her life and his thoughtfulness, but I’m definitely suspicious of his ulterior motives and his past actions. I also wanted the sexual tension between Ethan, Elle and Tobias, and was hoping that PB would make Tobias call out Ethan shutting her out of meetings. They didn’t deliver so I did it myself lol Also wanted Ethan to start feeling insecure about the way he’s been treating Elle since his behaviour has been trash thanks to the OOC writing, but I still love him
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teresa-moyocoyotzin · 3 years
Text
QOTS 5.09 “I Love You” Scenes Meta
MAJOR SPOILERS FOR 5.09 OF QUEEN OF THE SOUTH ABOUND
Okay this is basically just me trying to place James and Teresa’s ILY scenes within the larger context of their relationship and other kisses, and analyzing their respective reactions!
(Also just a disclaimer that obviously this is just one fan’s interpretation, there’s no right or wrong here! This is just how I see it and hopefully it’ll connect w some of y’alls insight too!)
Oh boy okay so I’m just gonna do this in the style of my old Bolivia visions meta b/c I think the best in bullet point form, so we’re just gonna go thru the scenes like super in depth, w/ way more detail than necessary. Think of it as a close reading, but instead of a piece of writing, it’s a tv show, and it has no sources except My Opinions lol
I’m still planning to actually write out my reactions to the whole episode when I re-watch it, but I can’t stop picking apart the I Love You scenes b/c honestly there’s so much going on there! Come on y’all this has been building since the second episode of this show there’s a lot to unpack here. I’m mostly focusing on how these kisses are vastly different from any of their other kisses IMO and how that affects the love confessions!
THIS IS GONNA BE UNNECESSARILY LONG AND NOT VERY ORGANIZED, BE WARNED
Let’s start when James says “You wouldn’t let me do it, so why should I let you?” shall we? B/c THIS MOMENT
SO as others have pointed out, this line really feels like a love confession in and of itself, and I’m sure if they hadn’t confessed their feelings in the same scene we would all be obsessing about it. I low-key am anyways..
Sure they’ve acknowledged that they do things to protect each other etc. etc. but this is really James making sure that she knows that he knows that SHE knows that they both feel the same way, and he’s not dancing around it anymore, not when she’s throwing herself into danger yet again. Teresa doesn’t have an answer, but it does make something click in her brain. No matter what moral code she’s following these days, if James was walking into a death trap like that she wouldn’t want him to go and would try to stop him. And right now, he’s feeling the same thing for her, he knows that she cares as much about him as he cares about her and that it’s a LOT, and he’s telling it straight to her face.
When she kisses him, I think it’s an acknowledgment of that, as well as her sort of trying to return the sentiment. And also, she doesn’t have a good answer to his question and wants to kiss him so she does!! James is clearly surprised by the kiss, as evident by his posture and slowly relaxing into the kiss. But THEN
After James’ brain catches up, he kisses her again, and even tho it’s short it looks to me like a pretty powerful, strong kiss!!?? (hard to tell b/c as usual…. they filmed it in a black hole..) and to me, it reads like he really let all his true feelings come through in that kiss POSSIBLY FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER
Now, lemme explain. Their first kiss in 3.05 was undeniably full of feelings and emotions, and I’m sure that night was super passionate and full of love! However, knowing what we know now about how everything plays out, I don’t think they were really at the point of saying ILY yet. Even if they did both love each other then, and I think they did, they had a lot of trust issues and abandonment issues to work through first. And as we all know, after that night everything goes to shit and they go about 12 steps backwards. My main point here is that I think both James and Teresa are still feeling generally unsure about each other’s feelings during their first kiss. This is also true for.. literally all of their kisses? Until now. Because in 3.09, they’re just super horny from taking over Phoenix but Teresa is just barely getting over Guero’s death in that episode.. I think that kiss was more about them feeling like the King and Queen of phoenix and less about their Actual Feelings (just imo obviously). And then they kiss after Teresa gets back form Bolivia but Teresa is suspecting him then and he’s certainly feeling her hesitation so no big feelings in that kiss either. Then of course there’s the goodbye kiss at the end of s3, and yes in that one I do think they were both letting their true feelings show in their kiss but they were both misinterpreting the other’s feelings and both were in a way lying to the other in that scene. James about his reason for leaving, and Teresa about her true reasons for wanting him to stay. And THEN, the kiss at the beginning of s5 is very much a “I’m happy you’re back, I want to be with you, but we can’t” kind of kiss, and again, there were feelings there but they were both still holding something back, and still not on the same page about what they wanted and were working towards. But in this kiss, they are on the same page , working toward the same thing, which is to get themselves OUT, together. Ever since they made that decision, there is an implicit agreement between them that they’re getting out together, and I think they both know that they want to be together if they make it out. And they both are desperate to have the other know their feelings before any potential deaths. However, they don’t really KNOW that they’re on the same page until that KISS.
SO ALL THIS TO SAY that in my eyes, the main reason Teresa’s so shocked is that this is the first time that James didn’t hold ANY of his love for her back when he kissed her, and she FELT IT babeyy. Teresa initiates this kiss to show him her true feelings, which takes him bit by surprise, but then he returns the feelings Full Force which takes Teresa totally by surprise.
I mean just look at her face after they part, before he says ILY. She looks shocked and confused, almost a little angry? I don’t think it’s really anger though, so much as it is being taken aback by the emotions that James is laying all out on the table for her to clearly see. Her face here is actually what drove me to write this meta, because at first I was so confused as to why she looked so shook up after the first kiss, cuz like girl U INITIATED IT?? I think part of it is that Teresa was a bit taken aback by the strength of her own feelings in that moments and the urge to kiss him despite them not being out of the business yet. She’s realized that if she’s gonna die tomorrow, she wants to kiss James first, and she wants that like, really bad. And also she loves him and was overcome w the urge to show him. But mainly, I really don’t think she expected to be met w/ such strong love from James’ kiss, because all the other times, he had been holding back his feelings.
James’ face after the kiss totally plays into this theory for me - he looks like he just got CAUGHT. She’s looking at him like what the Fuck was that!!! And he’s like oh SHit now I just gotta say it. The way he looks at her and shakes his head a little like, wow I’m really about to say it. I think it’s been on the tip of his tongue all episode, but he realized he just totally showed his hand with that kiss and there’s no going back now.
But omg you guys his face when he says it just SENDS ME TO THE FLOOR his little smile???? Like he’s thinking “how did we end up here? am I really about to tell Teresa I love her? YEP”
I don’t think she had any intention of telling him her feelings so outright yet, to me it totally makes sense that he tells her first. At the beginning of the season, Teresa made it clear that she does want to be with James, but she felt restricted by their life. So, James has spent the past season coming to terms with a) that Teresa still wants to be with him if they can get out of the business, b) that she’s changed a lot and no longer follows her old moral code, and c) that he still loves her even if she’s not entirely the same person he fell in love with originally.
Meanwhile Teresa came to terms w/ the fact that she wanted to be w/ him early in the season but pushed that Right down after indulging in 1 kiss (which I think was also meant to be a reassurance that she did want to be with him) but spent the rest of the season trying to grow her business, which in her mind would forever keep her from being able to be with James. So even if she acknowledged her feelings, she was not letting herself dwell on them. James, however… oh boy has he been dwelling. Especially since Dumas so kindly pointed his feelings out to him lol. So I think Teresa’s strong feelings for James have been building under the surface but she wasn’t allowing herself to acknowledge them at all, and therefore I think she kind of surprised herself a bit by kissing him, was then even more surprised by how strongly her feelings were showing, and then James hits her with a Big Feelings kiss and then an I Love You??? Oh boy
Taking this into account it totally makes sense that she looks super shocked after James tells her, even if they both have ~known~ for a long time. Y’know?
Okay so then there’s the sex scene which I LOVED omg, like absolutely zero complaints, super hot, exactly what they and we deserved. I’m not gonna get into it b/c I think it speaks for itself, but like, would happily read a meta about it if someone wrote it 👀
Anyways I think the morning after, when Teresa is laying in bed admiring James, is when Teresa is really digesting all of these feelings and the fact of them being out in the open, and she’s deciding that she needs to tell James she loves him, like ASAP. She is also at the same time having to accept that she’s going on a super dangerous mission today that she night not come back from, and if she does come back from it, they’re gonna have to still find a way Out. All in all, safe to say she’s got a lot going on in her mind, but it’s clear by her gazing at him that James is a big factor in all of it.
I love the next scene so much omg
They’ve gotten ready for the day and James is once again pulling tricks out of his bag to ensure her safety, and she’s just.. staring at him. My personal headcanon here is that Teresa’s intuition was telling her that a) the phonegun was gonna be irrelevant, and b) that she had about 30 seconds before her phone rang and she had to leave for potential death. Therefore it just blocked out literally everything but James and needing to tell him that she loved him. The moment I love the most is actually when James says “Here, try it” and he steps closer and she sort of jolts like they’re physically connected. The first time I saw the scene I literally gasped from that one step he takes because they just had this electric pull between them that was so obvious that I literally felt it. The chemistry!!!!
She’s just so focused on him in that moment and that whole scene, and the way she whispers “I love you” likes she just HAS to say it, she has to make sure he KNOWS she loves him before she runs off to risk her life. And the fact that it happens while James is actively trying to set her up for protection??? POETIC CINEMA I tell you. Kudos to Alice for that because apparently it was her idea and it’s my FAVE
Another thing that I really don’t know how to interpret but I find interesting from a cinematic point of view: James and Teresa are literally left in the dark during James’ love confession. It’s at night, and there is NO DAMN LIGHT AT ALL ON THEIR FACES (I bet the gif makers really appreciated that one huh…) so we can’t even see their reactions very well. Meanwhile, when Teresa confesses her feelings, it’s super brightly lit, in a white room, she’s wearing white, we can see all of the emotions on their faces. IDK what this is meant to symbolize exactly, so if anyone has thoughts PLEASE share them.
James seems a little in shock after, I think he really didn’t expect her to say it, even if he assumed she felt the same. And I think he was okay w/ that and had accepted it, knowing it would be really hard for her to say. After all, once she acknowledges it, it’s that much more painful if they have to say goodbye…
I think the way she says it perfectly captures how hard it is for her to get the words out, even if she feels an overwhelming urge to say them and make sure he knows. She seems very sure of her feelings, and I don’t think she hesitated to tell him at all, but it’s still a big step, and presumably the last person she said ILY to, in this context, was Guero. And his death destroyed her, so ofc she’s be scared to admit that she’s in love and put herself at the risk of losing it again. God Alice did such a good job w/ that line it really gets me every time. So sure, and soft, but with no room for doubt. Like she knows he doesn’t expect her to say it, but she can’t bear to let him think she doesn’t love him back. And it’s so simple too, like she’s saying “of COURSE I love you, how could you think I don’t?” AHHHH
And just the way she stares at him the whole time like she’s just waiting for him to stop talking so she can say it, and while she waits she’s perfectly happy to ignore the situation at hand and think about how she loves him and he loves her and also probably how good he FUCKS cuz like……………y’all saw his hand goin’ down there after he flips her over right 👀 okay ANYWAYS
So she finally tells him!!!!!! That she loves him!!! And kisses him!! Just to really drive the point home. And because, again, I think something was telling Teresa to kiss her man and tell him she loves him because she was about to get a call from Kostya’s men any second.
I really think James’ sort of blank look after she tells him is just him being in shock that she actually said it. I would have loved to know what he would have said after that, but alas.
That final shot before the phone rings though ❤️ their foreheads together, her hand on his heart and his hand on her hand, also the way that visually her arm (clothed in white) is across his body (clothed in black/gray) and vice versa w/ his arm is across her body, sort of continuing the sort of yin-yang theme they have going this season, I just think is a cool touch on the behalf of whoever choreographed/directed the scene.
I also interpret it as a very grounding moment for both of them, rooted in physical touch but not sexual in any way, just comforting. They finally can completely take comfort in each other because their feelings are out in the open and they’re completely connected. AGH they really have me in a chokehold lol
Anyways this is so fucking long and rambly, I don’t know if it makes sense but I did my best to proofread, I’m so sorry but thank you for reading if you’ve made it all the way here, or like even if you made it thru 1/16 of it lol I APPRECIATE YOU
I’m not sure what the main point is here, but anyways I think the actors, writers, directors, etc. did an amazing job w/ their I Love You scenes and I’m personally feeling v satisfied w/ it!
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rpg-elf-girl · 3 years
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Shadows House
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I have a lot of thoughts surrounding this particular show, both good & bad.
Allow me to give a quick summary for anyone who hasn't seen/read it!
Shadows House is about 'a faceless family of nobles who all live within this giant manor, the Shadows House.
When a Shadow comes of age they receive a 'Living Doll' to both serve as their face and to clean the soot they emit from their bodies.
The most important rule of the living dolls is "don't fret over trivial matters"
A task which is difficult for the ever curious doll Emiliko.
Watch this tale unfold as Emiliko & her mistress Kate navigate this ever mysterious Manor together.'
For a fan of slow burn thrillers, horror, slice of life, supernatural & mystery series' this has been an absolute blast!
It's not quite the combination of genres you'd expect from a show, but it works really well here!
In fact I was so into the anime that this is actually the first show where I broke down and read the manga!
Unfortunately there's no official English release, but at least there are some people translating the series!
As much as I'd like to go on about the manga, this post is meant to be more so about the anime so I'll (try to) leave it at that.
Though i feel obligated to warn anime onlys I'll likely refer the manga a lot in a spoiler section latter in this post I'll try to be vague but I can't guarantee anything. For anyone worried about that I'll lable it do you can read on until then.
Everything from the animation to the music was amazing & completely fit the mood of the story! I remember a couple scenes where I actually teared up because of this!
The Ending theme is an absolute banger! I've listened to that on repeat ever since I first heard it! And the Opening is also great! It's cool for it to be an instrumental, stuff like that is pretty rare! I also heard the song in the op as a motif in the music throughout the show! It really sets the right mood in each scene it's in! It's amazing for getting into each episode!
In terms of adaptation almost everything from the beginning to the end of the Debut arc was done amazingly well!
Even with the stuff they cut it still holds true to the spirit of its source.
The main important part that was cut is something that could easily be introduced latter if they decide to go for a second season, so I'm not too mad about that.
However! Everything after the debut is a bit of a different story.
There was a lot I liked about the last couple episodes but there were some parts that were immersion breaking for me.
I've been being vague up until this point l, but I'm planning on going into spoiler territory for both the anime and manga after this. So I'll make a quick spoiler free summary of my thoughts before moving onto that.
I really really loved this show but in my opinion the last 3 episodes were the weakest of them all. They went anime only for the ending. I don't mind that on it's own, but it was rushed and the writing was sloppy at times.
Now I'm not telling you to not watch the show! Most of It's really really good, and I can still see people enjoying the parts I'm talking about if they want to give the anime a try. Overall I've fallen in love with this series and I could never recommend it enough.
If what I'm saying is giving you bad vibes the manga is available and doesn't have the issues I've mentioned. You can look for a translation online, it didn't take me long to find one so don't worry too much about that.
Also! if you're an anime only who's finished the series and want to know where to pick up the Manga I'd recommend at least skiming through the beginning. I know it might not be what you're looking for but there were a bunch of small scenes that either got cut or were merged for adaptation purposes that I think are super cute & give more context to different aspects of the setting. However! Pay close attention during the "night watchers part" something important got cut .
~~~Now for spoilers!!!!~~~
I don't want to make it sound like I'm some manga purist who hates the very thought of the slightest change from the source. I'm anime only for a lot of different shows and I've always despised it when that type of manga reader reared it's ugly head.
While I'll admit some changes did bother me I won't make a fuss about the smaller stuff.
With that said!
I hinted earlier in this post that I didn't have a big problem with Robe-same being cut. That was because without them there it does make for a more complete story if they only get one season to work with.
If there is another season they can easily be introduced latter on. Like maybe Emiliko & Shaun can meet them when the Debutant class reunion is going on before they talk on the roof (or right after that) I actually think that would be the perfect time to introduce them (other than the time they were supposed to appear, but I digress)
Louise teaming up & being friendly with Kate can be explained with some dialogue changes at the first Debutant Class Reunion. Louise can say she was just trying to show off or that she just wanted to get back at Edward and that she isn't interested in helping Kate with her problems. Things can then go on as they did in the manga.
Kates being reckless & telling everything to John can be explained by her being extremely panicked when Emiliko went missing, as long as there are some lines of dialogue adressing this it's fine. Though I do wish she tried to keep some stuff a secret but couldn't because Shaun tries to interfer because he's still brainwashed, or something along those lines. It felt a bit weird after she just told Emiliko to keep that stuff between them. Still that could be explained by how panicked she was.
There are other things, but I don't want to drag the post on too long. Most of the issues can be fixed with little changes here & there.
I never had a problem with the idea of them going in an anime only direction. I just want to have a good time with the show.
Unfortunately I can't 100% vouche for the direction the show went in. There were elements that I can't excuse, even viewing it as it's own entity instead of an adaptation.
My main complaint with it is how they handled the brainwashing of Ricky & Lou. They didn't say a word when the Debutants were talking badly about Edward & even went along with a plan to go against him. It makes absolutely no sense!
Shaun freaked out when John only suggested that he didn't have to be loyal to the house. These guys were flat out rebelling against an adult! It felt like Ricky & Lou didn't have a purpose & were just there to be there.
The whole point of the coffee is to influence shadows against doing stuff like this. It makes the coffee seem pointless and the adults seem dumb for relying on it to control the kids.
I haven't even brought up the fact that both of their brainwashings were broken by something as simple as a few kind words. It straight up contradicts the rules established by both the Anime and Manga.
This becomes very apparent when you consider all the trouble John & Kate went through to free Shaun & Emiliko.
This was my biggest complaint, but I have some other issues as well.
The next big one is how they handled Edward.
1. Why on earth would he even consider kidnapping Emiliko when he had complete control of the childrens wing? Before this point he was depicted as being a lot more crafty than this. He could easily have Kate monitored or something.
2. Why didn't he use his powers to stop them like what he did to Maryrose & Rosemary when they fought back being taken to the adults wing? He's already shown off his power at this point, why not?
3. Why did he reveal his soot powers at all!? Especially while using his face in front of the kids! The whole unification thing is one of the biggest secrets of the house for good reason! There's no way he wouldn't get in huge trouble for exposing it to children!
Here are some other related questions.
Why didn't Kate, Emiliko, & John react to Edward using soot powers? They shouldn't know about unification yet so why didn't they act shocked, or say anything about it?
Is Edward being banished even an option in the Shadows House? Wouldn't the third floor lords just dispose of him rather than risk letting him leave?
How did John even get a veiled dolls outfit? Louise had to use her powers to get Kate one & she left a long time ago.
I can't think of much else at the moment, but I think you get my point.
Please don't take this as me saying that I hate the show because of these episodes. Even if I consider them the weakest of the series I still found a lot of parts to be very enjoyable!
Like I thought it was adorable When Edward was attempting to interrogate Emiliko & she kept being her sunshine self pretending to eat & falling asleep.
Barbara getting to tell off Edward for breaking the rules was great!
I loved seeing Shaun hatch the plan to get Kate into the adults wing to save Emiliko.
Seeing John (attempt to) sneak around the adults wing had me rolling!
The ending scene of Shaun, Ricky, & Lou singing gave me the chills.
(Though I wonder how they'd handle Shaun & Emiliko being brainwashed again since they already used the scenes where they're freed)
Kate & Emilico being propelled by John back to the children's wing was absolutely amazing! I found Shaun & Ricky running over to catch them to be super sweet! (Not to mention the way that scene was animated was absolutely gorgeous!)
Getting hints to what was supposed to come after the debut was nice, at least the groundwork is there in case this gets a season 2!
To (try to) wrap this all up while there were a lot of things I loved and disliked about this show I still had a really fun time watching it!
I kinda hope there's a season two just to see if they can tidy up the mess that the last few episodes created.
Regardless of whether that happens or not I came out of this with a series I absolutely adore.
Heck I could make a whole other post about the manga. (Hopefully one that's less ranty)
Anyway! I won't take any more of your time.
I hope you all have a wonderful day/night! And I hope to see you in my next post!
(Sorry if this one was a bit of a mess!)
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